#i know i haven’t been here in YEARS but i need to talk about this
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cloverapple · 2 days ago
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How To Finally Shift If You’ve Been Trying For 2+ Years
⚠️ Little warning before we begin: don’t get scared off! I might sound a little negative at first, but that’s not the point of this post. My goal is for you to reach the end of this and think “Oh, I’m definitely going to shift to my DR now!”
Having said that:
If you’ve been on your shifting journey for two or more years, doing methods, reprogramming your mind, consuming advice, maintaining a mental diet, manifesting, forcing assumptions, trying to create assumptions, etc, etc⏤and you still haven’t shifted your awareness to your DR, maybe it’s time to stop trying to make yourself shift.
Stop trying to shift.
Stop trying to trigger a shift.
Maybe the thing you need at this point in your journey is to stop trying to make yourself shift.
And I’ll explain why by asking you a question:
In these two, three, four, however many years of effort, don’t you think you would have shifted by now?
Think about it. You’ve oversaturated your mind with the intention to shift. You do all your methods correctly. You try to convince yourself that you're already in your DR. You feel symptoms. Sometimes you even "mini shift." And yet… you're still here. Doing the same things. Searching for advice that leads you right back to doing the same thing:
Trying to shift. Trying to trigger a shift. Trying to shift your awareness.
Trying.
Trying confidently.
Trying hopelessly.
Trying angrily.
…Trying.
If you were going to shift by inducing a shift, triggering a shift, or successfully shifting with a method, it would have happened by now.
“But Clover, I still have a lot of soul-searching and work to do! I just need to put in more effort!”
Awesome! Then click away, because this advice isn’t for you. I’m not talking to you.
I’m talking to the person who is tired. Who is drained. Who, despite applying all the sage advice on the internet, is just burnt out from the process of shifting.
And if that sounds like you, let me repeat: Maybe you need to stop actively trying to shift.
Your work is done. And that’s a good thing.
You’ve spent years ingraining the idea of shifting into your subconscious. You’ve impressed the intention to shift so deeply that it’s already there. Congratulations! You did all the mental work. It’s done.
Your DR is already yours. You already have the ability to shift.
So stop trying to trigger it. Stop trying to make yourself shift.
Let go of the “making yourself shift” process.
“Oh my god, she’s going to tell me to take a break.”
LMAO you thought.
Yes, breaks are excellent. They help reset and recharge your mindset. I always encourage taking breaks if you need them. But let’s be honest. Sometimes, even the thought of taking a break feels just as mentally exhausting as staying on your shifting journey.
“Oh no, she’s going to tell me to do nothing at all.”
Once again, you thought.
Instead, you’re going to capitalize on the fact that you’ve already done all this work. The intention to shift is always, always, always in your mind. Your subconscious knows you want to shift. Just like it knows how to shift your awareness.
So, the next time you lay down to do your shifting process...
Instead of trying to shift…
Instead of trying to induce a shift, induce the void, or force an outcome…
Give yourself exactly what you want.
Give yourself the feeling of being in your DR.
Drop the conscious, active intention to shift because your subconscious already has it covered. You don’t need to keep hammering it in. Instead, focus on inducing the emotions you would feel if you were in your DR.
Imagine waking up in your DR. Imagine being there. Imagine spending time with your DR friends, your S/O, whatever makes you happiest. Personally, I lean toward wake-up scenarios. You can listen to music, meditate, visualize, even do a shifting method if you enjoy it—but instead of doing it with the intention to shift, you’re doing it just to give your body and mind the feeling of being there. The happiness, the calm, the excitement, whatever it is for you.
This does not mean you’re lying there thinking, “Okay, this is going to make me shift.”
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Drop the idea of shifting entirely. That process is done.
And I’ll say it one more time:
If you were going to shift by inducing a shift, making yourself shift, or triggering a shift, it would have happened already.
So let it go. Drop it.
Induce the emotions of being in your DR, and then let go. Once you do that, go to sleep. Or go about your day. That’s it.
So why does this actually make you shift?
Because feeling is the language of the subconscious.
Think about it: The moments in your life that shaped you the most weren’t just things you thought. They were things you felt deeply. Joy, fear, excitement, grief. Emotions imprint on the subconscious. That’s why certain smells, songs, or places instantly bring back vivid memories. Because your subconscious records experiences based on emotions, not logic.
So when you stop trying to shift and instead just focus on feeling like you’re in your DR, your subconscious responds by aligning your awareness to match that emotional state.
Because to the subconscious, there’s no difference between imagination and reality. When you visualize something vividly enough, your brain fires the same neurons as if you were actually experiencing it. Athletes use this trick to enhance performance. Musicians use it to refine their skills. And guess what? It works for shifting too.
When you let go of the effort and just immerse yourself in the emotions of already being there, you bypass the resistance that trying creates.
And that’s when the shift happens.
It happens because you stopped forcing it.
It happens because your subconscious already knows how to shift, you just needed to get out of its way.
So, again, drop the struggle. Drop the effort. Stop trying to shift.
The more precise or perfect you want the shift to be, the more pressure you put on yourself. Your brain rebels against that because rigid control drains energy.
Remember this:
High Emotion + Low Attachment = Flow.
When you feel something strongly but aren’t clinging to the result, your subconscious has room to act. This is why sometimes, when you care less or focus on something in a passing, emotional way, it manifests easily.
This is why people can give up on shifting entirely and shift. This is why people let go of the need to shift and shift. This is why you shift without meaning to.
You: “No, I can’t do this! I need to keep trying to shift or else my subconscious will think I don’t want to shift anymore!”
Me:
youtube
*As always, take what resonates, discard what doesn’t, because we’re all different people who need to hear different things :)
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ryoko-loves-roses · 2 days ago
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Mind Your Business!
Lee!Jun-Ho + Ler!In-Ho
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A/N: Ok so - I did change a tiny thing - I am now going to state the lee and ler for the fanfics i write like i did above ^^. After this is successfully posted, I'm going to edit the other fanfics! ANYWAY - This was extremely fun to write -! I hope the characters weren't too OOC. Ily guys <3 Summary : After weeks of In-Ho avoiding phone calls, and talking to his loved ones in general, Jun-Ho decided to go the extra measure and find out what's been bothering his older brother... but something surprising happens... ═════════════════════════════════════════ Months ago, In-Ho’s wife who he loved dearly was diagnosed with a deadly disease. Hospital bills stacked on top of eachother in his tiny dorm, and with no way to pay for his wife’s treatment, he began to distance himself from reality, including the people he once held close - which included his youngest brother, Hwang Jun-Ho. They were 16 years apart, which one could say was a long age gap. Surprisingly, the two had been close since Jun-Ho was a child, so when In-Ho stopped talking to him, it struck a nerve. When Jun-Ho was younger, he was also diagnosed with an illness, meaning he could only be saved if he had a proper kidney donor. In that time of need, In-Ho stepped up. If he never did what he did, Jun-Ho wouldn’t be alive today. God - Jun-Ho knew this, and it was eating him alive. He truly thought that if he didn’t donate his kidney, he could pay for his wife’s surgery by selling it. This little fact made Jun-Ho feel a tiny bit guilty. - Hwang In-Ho is 38, meaning Jun-Ho is 22 - One year before In-Ho learned about the games.
- The lights were off in In-Ho’s apartment. Not because he hasn’t paid the bill, but by choice. He let out a tired sigh as he sat on his well-made bed. He was stuck and didn’t know what to do. He hid his face in his hands, thinking about his wife, who was currently still at the hospital, and the fact that he hadn’t answered his phone in weeks. He just didn’t have the energy. The man was too deep in thought to hear the doorbell ring as well - and who was on the other side of the door? Well - Jun-Ho let out a sigh, crossing his arms impatiently. He stood there for a few more seconds before muttering something under his breath and reaching into his pocket, pulling out a spare key that his brother gave him for ‘emergencies’ “Goddamnit, In-Ho …” He quickly unlocked the door, opened it, and walked in, a worried look on his usual stoic face. Jun-Ho really didn’t want to enter his older brother’s dorm like this, but he had no other choice - He gently opened the door- “In-Ho?” He called out softly, which was a large contrast to his usual stoic tone. In-Ho froze, immediately standing up from the bed, right in tune to when Jun-Ho opened the bedroom door. “Jun-Ho - What the hell are you doing here..?” His tone was strict, as well as his face. There was a reason In-Ho wasn’t answering his phone, and Jun-Ho knew that reason all too well. Jun-Ho just stood at the doorway, his eyes narrowing as he grew irritated.* “You haven’t answered my calls, hyung. I got worried.” The younger male admitted, crossing his arms as he stared at his older brother. You know, despite being the older one, In-Ho was shorter than Jun-Ho by only one inch, which was irritating to say the least - but he didn’t mention it. In-Ho let out an irritated sigh. “There was a reason I didn’t answer. I wanted to be left alone.” Jun-Ho raised an eyebrow. “To sulk? Alone? You should’ve known I wouldn’t let you do that -” It was true - when Jun-Ho was growing up, he was practically attached to In-Ho’s hip. You’d think that the big age gap would put a space in between them, but no. In-Ho was basically the boy’s idol growing up. He wanted to be like his big brother. In-Ho stared at Jun-Ho for just a moment, his expression softening as he sighed. “Yeah. Should’ve known.” *He said sarcastically, sitting back on the bed, which this time, Jun-Ho decided to join him; sitting beside him.
“Tell me what happened.” Jun-Ho blurted out suddenly. He knew about In-Ho’s wife, but he did not know about the financial struggles. “Why haven’t you visited mom and I? You wanna know how worried we both were !!?” As Jun-Ho blabbered on and on, In-Ho let out a frustrating sigh, then - something clicked. Keeping his amusement in checked to not look suspicious, he replied. “You really don’t know how to mind your own business, huh?” As he said that, Jun-Ho raised an eyebrow, about to retaliate with a response, but froze when he felt that familiar sensation of a brotherly hand on his side - “Wait - Hyung… Hyung nOO-” Jun-Ho’s sentence trailed off with a squeak as he felt In-Ho’s fingers dig into his sides, and as much as In-Ho didn’t want to admit it, he missed this. He smiled when those foreign but familiar childish giggles flowed out of his brother like running water. In-Ho then added his other hand, - Now, both of Jun-Ho’s sides were getting attacked with ten fingers. He shrieked, trying to curl up on himself, but that one action just made In-Ho chuckle deeply. “You should know by now that won’t work…” He teased, his usual stoic tone vanishing as a teasy tone replaced it. “Hyuuhuhung - PleheHEHEHehase-!” Jun-Ho giggled and squeaked with every dig, his feet drumming on the dorm floor as he tried to kick, but it was useless. Despite being in the police academy, he was still a victim to his brother’s fond tickles. “Please what, little brother?” In-Ho taunted, managing to lock an arm around Jun-Ho, effectively holding him in place as he drilled both of his thumbs into Jun-Ho’s armpits. He fucking screamed. “FUHUHUUCK-! NOHOHOHOO!!” Jun-Ho squealed out, throwing his head back and kicking wildly, but he knew he wasn’t getting out of his brother’s hold anytime soon - In-Ho’s smirk widened, a bit brotherly sadisticness taking a toll as he tickled his younger brother. “Language, Jun-Ho.” He scolded playfully, feigning sterness as he drilled his thumbs deeper, knowing damn well this one spot got Jun-Ho excruciatingly bad. “IHIIHIm SOHOOHORryEHEe-! IHIihi WOHOOHNT AHAHAHASK ANYMOHOHOORE!!” As Jun-Ho apologized through his cackles, In-Ho let out another low chuckle. “Apologizing already? May I say brother… I think you got more ticklish the last time I saw you.” He taunted, not only continuing, but deciding to nuzzle his face into Jun-Ho’s neck, which In-Ho’s stubble managed to tickle the younger a lot more than if In-Ho’s face was cleanly shaved. Jun-Ho screeched with a new wave of cackles and squeals of laughter as In-Ho doubled down on the tickling. God - In-Ho knew he should stop, but to be honest - he needed this. They both do.
Currently, Jun-Ho was trapped in In-Ho’s hold, basically snuggled up against him as the older man brutally taunted him, nuzzling his stubbly face deeper into Jun-Ho’s neck, and the excruciating fact was that even if Jun-Ho wanted to scrunch up his neck, he couldn’t - cause In-Ho’s head was in the way, giving him the tickles of a lifetime. “PLEhEHEa- GHAhAA -” Every time Jun-Ho tried to beg, he would burst into hysterical squeals and pleads, which In-Ho only smirked at. The 22 year old was now a puddle of extreme embarrassment and ticklishness; his brother wouldn’t have it any other way. “I can’t hear you, Jun-Ho… you’ll have to speak louder.” The older man taunted, smirking as Jun-Ho’s blush deepened by several shades of red. “PLE - PELehEHEASe-! HYUUHUHNG-!” God - What could be more amusing than watching a stoic, serious cop lose his shit? Nothing, i’ll tell ya. In-Ho let out another deep chuckle, deciding to blow a deep, ticklish raspberry on Jun-Ho’s vulnerable neck, making him scream with laughter. Hah… it was surprising the neighbors didn’t hear him. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, In-Ho relented, retracting his hands and letting the younger man sit up. Jun-Ho laid idly in his spot for a bit as he tried to gather his breath, but once he finally caught it, he glared at In-Ho.* “Dick.” Of course… the first word to come out of Jun-Ho’s mouth would be an insult. In-Ho rolled his eyes, the playfulness and tenderness of the situation never leaving his face. “I can start again, you know.” At that, Jun-Ho sat up - “Nonono - I’m good -!” Jun-Ho sputtered out, dusting his formal attire off with his hands. In-Ho’s smirk turned into a fond smile, reaching a hand out, and playfully ruffling Jun-Ho’s hair, which made the younger groan. “Seriously, though.” In-Ho began to speak. “Don’t worry about me, namdongsaeng. I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” As much as Jun-Ho wanted to believe his older brother’s statement, he couldn’t help but have a bit of worry. “I don’t want you to do anything reckless, hyung…” 
It was clear that the love the brothers had for eachother was real, and that it could never be broken. Nonetheless, Jun-Ho didn’t even think about it when he hugged his older brother, holding him firmly in his arms. In-Ho’s eyes widened for a brief moment, surprised at the action, but then relaxed, deciding to hug his younger brother back. “I won’t be reckless… not when I have you breathing down my neck.” In-Ho joked, which earned a light chuckle from Jun-Ho as he pulled away from the hug. “Damn right.” As much as In-Ho hated to admit it…. He was glad Jun-Ho barged in uninvited.
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ladykissingfish · 2 days ago
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*in the Hokage office*
Kakashi: So, Obito … we need to talk.
Obito: About?
Kakashi: You know I’m extremely grateful that you’ve “seen the light”, as they say, and have decided to live out the rest of your days in peace here in Konoha. Which, frankly, wouldn’t have been possible if a certain somebody hadn’t become Hokage in enough time to pardon your various crimes …
Obito: *rolls his eyes and slumps back in his chair* You never miss a chance to remind me of that, do you? And anyway don’t you think that forcing me to be your advisor is enough of a punishment?
Kakashi: *snorts a laugh* Right; like you didn’t all but beg for this job. You said, and I quote, “Nobody else would have the brains to advise you on how to wipe your ass, let alone run a village, Bakashi.”
Obito: Your point being?
Kakashi: My point is, I AM in charge of the safety of Konoha. The peace of it. And … to make sure its laws are upheld.
Obito: Yes? And? I haven’t so much as jaywalked since I’ve been back!
Kakashi: *sighs* That’s not it, Obi. I’m, well, this is a delicate matter, but as the Hokage and more importantly as your friend, I feel it’s my duty to bring this up to you, so —
Obito: Geez, spit it out already, Bakashi!
Kakashi: Okay. It’s about that blonde.
Obito: … Deidara? What about him?
Kakashi: *gets up and starts pacing around* I can turn a blind eye to a lot of things, Obito. But something like this —
Obito: Hey, you pardoned his crimes, too, remember? And since then, has he done one single thing to step out of line?
Kakashi: It’s not that. It’s, well, for Kami’s sake, Obi, you’re thirty-two years old!
Obito: … Yes? And?
Kakashi, face red: That … boy, he can’t possibly be more than sixteen, seventeen years old. The … relationship that you two share, do you honestly think that’s an appropriate situation for the Hokage’s advisor to be in? 
Obito: *is silent for a few moments, then bursts out laughing* 
Kakashi: Oi, I’m not judging you, idiot! I’m just pointing out that —
Obito: You moron, Deidara is twenty years old!!
Kakashi: … Seriously?
Obito: Yes! I know I’m a war criminal but I have some moral standards! 
Kakashi: *sits back down, visibly relieved* Hm. Twenty, eh? He certainly doesn’t look like it. Lucky him.
Obito: *goes to Kakashi and playfully punches him on the shoulder* You’d look a lot younger, too, if you didn’t spend so much time worrying over dumb shit like this.
Kakashi: *sighs* You sound like Gai. He’s always on me about needing to relax more.
Obito: That’s another thing. You want to berate me for dating Deidara, but you’re practically married to beast-face? Really? Tsk. Talk about low standards …
Kakashi: Hey! Gai is warm and sweet and kind, and his tai-jutsu would even best someone as skilled as YOU, asshole! What’s that blonde of yours do again? Make little birds and blow things up? Ooooh, how impressive!
Obito: First of all, there’s not a man alive who could rival Deidara’s strategic mind or his battle skill. He thinks out twenty moves ahead of his opponents while they’re still sitting around with their thumbs up their asses! And you want to talk about handsome? Good God, there was never a finer, more put-together man than my Deidara!
Kakashi: Seriously? Have you never seen Gai’s muscles?? If you want to talk about “put together”, then —
Deidara and Gai, standing in the doorway, having brought Kakashi and Obito lunch: 
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damerondala · 9 months ago
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i just finished tbb and i am physically ill
in a galaxy of hurt and pain (ESPECIALLY for the clones) they got their happy ending and the fact that omega joined the rebellion made me SOB. this is her fight now and she is carrying the legacy of not only cf 99 but all of the clones and my chest literally hurts from typing this UGH i am so happy but so so sad. that was a beautifully hard but sweet ending of the bad batch.
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james-spooky · 4 months ago
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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fappellmoan · 10 months ago
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i won’t screenshot the dms bc i don’t feel like opening the latest message but EYE posted on my story abt the tiktok pictured below basically about how i got horny thinking abt someone working through a difficult math problem lol don’t worry abt that anyway sam slides up bc i cut part of it out so as to avoid insta censors and my slight embarrassment lol and was like does that say c*m and i was like well yes and then he was like haha what you’re into math… girl u have to walk w the thought process 😑 which i know you’re incapable of anyway so i vaguely responded like ah yeah what being away from stem for so long will do to u and he responds with like ten messages. including. ‘you gotta do it yourself’ that’s not the point 🙄 ‘you know how i’m terrible at talking to women’ wow really ‘so i realized i can calculate the speed of cum’ ‘bc i have some data’ DID I ASK?????!???!?!!!?!!!!! hello there’s oversharing and then there’s this… does the girl you’re having sex with know you share to this extent. and then he said how he accidentally brought this up to someone irl to be like haha awk whoops and i was like yeah well there r times where perhaps we need to self censor. and then i also get a message that’s like ‘hang on im doing the math’ IM NEVER EVER EVER GONNA BE ATTRACTED TO U I HOPE U KNOW THAT SCREAAMMMMM (and u need to know bc he’s genderfluid. im only using one set of pronouns for clarity on here ok i promise im not a dick. but he thinks he’s like. an exception for lesbians basically… like he doesn’t Count…. and like look im no essentialist im all for like freaky gender sex but also at so many other turns you do take advantage of being seen as a white male so. i don’t. yeah.) he’s kind of like the creepy dude at the edge of the friend group in high school named matt who would constantly harass me and my ex but like tried to be so lowk abt it. and it’s so bad basically. ‘17mph is crazy’ i hope you fall in an intersection sorry i can’t do this anymore 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 so pissed i have to see him tmrw i should be able to watch mmxxl w scully in peace
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windsson · 3 days ago
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He doesn’t appreciate what Bruno saying that does to him. It shouldn’t! They aren’t even like that- Bruno was talking about touching his face, idiot. What made it more frustrating is Makani has no idea if blushing is visible on him; he knew from people saying it that blushing made you pink, but not only did he have no clue what pink even looked like any more, but he had no idea if blushing made him pink.
He knew he had to be blushing though, he could feel it in his face, remnants of a lightning bolt that went straight from his head down to his toes in an instant. He just prays it dissipates quickly- he was being weird, and he didn’t even mean to do that, anyway. He didn’t want his new friend getting the wrong idea- he was the only friend he had, after all, if he lost Bruno he’d be…alone again.
To try to brush it off, Makani laughs down at the ground, shrugging a shoulder.
“Well, you really can’t get as much information from doing that as you’d think- I mean, I have no idea what I look like, and I can touch my own face whenever I want. But yeah, actually, maybe just for a second, it couldn’t hurt.” He’s trying to play it off casually. Just two bros touching faces alone together, nothing weird about this.
He continues to talk through it as well as another way of making it feel less awkward, or at least that’s how it starts, but Makani’s sincerity don’t let him feel awkward for too long. He did genuinely want to do this, the last time he had was…gosh, maybe 13 years old? He didn’t get to connect with people like this. Makani was always distant from people, in his own world, the only touch he ever received usually being harsh grabs on the wrist from his father (the ring of bruises on his right arm being proof enough of that.) Makani wanted connection, he wanted physical contact, he wanted any kind of belonging that didn’t make him feel utterly left out. He had been in too many rooms crowded with people and felt utterly alone.
“I really am happy, by the way- I’m sorry if you were nervous to do all this,” he says, very tenderly and apprehensively putting his hands on the sides of Bruno’s face to start.
“I know this won’t happen in a day, but man, this is the first time in my life I haven’t been scared for the future. I know what’s coming and it’s- woah, you need to shave, dude,” he stops and laughs.
“I’m kidding! I’m kidding! I wish I could grow facial hair- it never comes in right so I just gave up.” Bruno’s cheeks are more sallow than Makani envisioned- he was entirely smaller to hold than he imagined. His nose felt similar to his own, which Makani thought meant Bruno must have a big nose- his father had told Makani he had a big nose, anyway. He wouldn’t say anything since it sounded like a bad thing, not that it ever mattered to himself.
The yammering to break the tension, if there was any, gets slower and more sparse the longer he goes, concentrating harder and getting a little lost in the sensation, and trying to fit together a mental image of his friend. He stops completely, however, when the back of his hand brushes against Bruno’s hair.
“I’m sure we’ve got a lot to uh, to…talk about, though- with this. I don’t know what your…your family will say, this is weird news to get, and I- woah!…Gosh, your hair is soft! How do you DO this?” He excitedly gets two gentle handfuls of each, his excited-rambling voice coming back for just a second before he realizes how odd he’s being.
Makani let’s go and puts his hands in his lap, clearing his throat and smiling politely.
“I’m sorry- I just said a second and I uh…thank you, in any case-but no, um,” he tucks his hair behind one of his ear, definitely not as soft, continuing,
“This is…wild. I-I mean how is this even going to happen? D-Does anyone even want me here? Where would I be, how does…” he laughs a little, incredulously, “This is so incredible but I don’t know how I’m supposed to be feeling right now. Wh-What do we do now?”
“Dude. That was the greatest thing I’ve ever got to be a part of.”
In comparison to his nervous friend’s upright posture, Makani was catching his breath leaning back onto his elbows, and by the state of his hair, he had been through a tornado. It was wrapped around his face like a fishnet, Makani needing a moment to get some strands out of his mouth.
“I get to stay…I get to- Bruno, are you even hearing yourself? I get to stay!” He crawls over to where Bruno had shuffled off to, intending to reach out to (happily) shake some sense into Bruno, but his thoughts get interrupted when his hand collides with something.
“No matter what, this is good news, I just wish I knew h- ah- oh, what’s this…thing?”
He runs his hands over the glass, feeling the etches on its surface and tracing vague shapes with his fingertips.
“Where did you get this…metal? No, wait…” he taps his knuckle against it, “Glass. It’s like…an upside-down house, and an upside-down pers- wait!”
He grabs the glass plate off of Bruno’s lap and flips it right-side-up for himself, putting it down on his own lap and tracing his fingers as if he were reading in Braille.
“You said it was me, in front of your house, walking down a…yeah! Okay! This is the road, yeah? So this little thing in the middle is me!”
He was so small in the frame, his fingers couldn’t make out a ton of detail in the face, but Makani still eagerly swiped over the picture to try to intuit any kind of information about the drawing.
“Wow, my hair feels long. Do I just keep growing it out?” He laughs a little, chin still raised in concentration to try to turn the abstract feelings in his fingers into something more tangible.
“I know like, vaguely what I look like? The last time I saw myself I was 8 years old, so I’m always guessing- it’s not as important to me as it used to be, but I do still wonder, sometimes,” he chuckles. He does allow himself a few seconds to trace the mysterious hand, fading into a blob of just smooth, unmarked glass. Of course he was curious about that, and he’d ask questions and wonder in due time, but his excitement over this revelation meant the little questions could wait.
I get to stay. I’m safe.
He was going to sorry about the details later; including that it was kind of weird to learn he was about to start living with these people he’s known for a month, whose hand was he holding and why (and trying not to be disappointed with the reality that someone was probably guiding him somewhere, Occam meet razor,) no, right now he was going to allow himself to just be happy and excited for a moment.
He didn’t understand why Bruno was so nervous before, this couldn’t have gone any better.
“I know you probably have some important stuff to tell me about this, but give me just a second to do something stupid before any bad news,” he says with a smile, trying to subtly get across to Bruno that he wasn’t mad, he liked the fortune, no one was in trouble. “Do you wanna hear something stupid about me? Then it’s serious time, I promise.”
Makani puts his fingertips back on the rendering of his face, no way of really being certain if Bruno’s magic-fortune-telling-glass-wind-sand-thingy had actually rendered him accurately. He snickers down by his chest, clearly embarrassed about whatever he was going to say, but wanting to tell nonetheless.
“What I’ve been doing with this thing, trying to like, feel what I look like, I definitely did this to your door before you answered it,” he laughs at himself, “I didn’t know it was carved! And when I realized it was you, I was trying to gather all the I formation I could in…5 seconds. I was just trying to figure out what you looked like…from a door, so probably not super close, yeah?”
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pepprs · 2 years ago
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hi update things are fucking terrible and my eyes hurt from sobbing. lol
#purrs#delete later#not to liveblog and be tmi or whatever but i feel terribly alone and terribly miserable so this is in fact a cry for help lol. or really#comfort bc im fucking going insane. so for context last spring when i was still an intern another intern orchestrated this back channel#where everyone was supposed to talk shit about our supervisors (my dearest most belovedest mentors) and all of us hid it for months and it#all came to a head at asb 2022 because there was a lot of drama witb the asb student facilitators and our staff team. and it was sooooo ugl#and messy and horrible and probably played a direct role in one of my dearest beloved est mentors (who was the point person for asb) fuckin#getting a new job and abandoning us in july lol 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 and so i became a full time staff member and me and my remaining dearest belovedest#colleague besties fucking carried the world on oh r shoulders and put on amazing programs as just 3 of us in the core staff and we thought#we were doing a really good job with the asb 2023 leaders and that there were no drama dynamics or whatever and guess fucking what. tonight#we found out that half of them hate us for reasons we still don’t know and all of them are at each others throats and also some of the#participants feel a type of way about us. and i know i am being a fragile sensitive crybaby over it but i have had terrible cramps all day#and have barely slept since ive been here and feel like ive been bending over backwards to support the leaders only to find out that half o#them think we’re evil and i just… i couldn’t take it. so i cried and now im beating myself up for crying. but it’s like come ON. i know we#did a pretty imperfect job of preparing them for this. and i should just take responsibility for that and not be defensive. but it’s like…#have NEVER seen this program in person before or been part of the planning of it. i was just a student last year like all of you. and also#HOW many fucking times did we create space for you to talk to us and invite us in. and still this shit happened. and i just feel like a#failure. and i couldn’t react to that information in any way except cry liek it’s all so over my head and out of my depth and im not as#emotionally mature as my colleagues bc im the youngest and this is my first time dealing with this and i feel so incompetent and like i#failed. failed the first time by not speaking up when i was implicated in the stupid fucking Google form back channel situation last year#and now failed the second time by not being able to prevent this stupid drama bullshit from happening again and for not catching it. and jf#like… im in excruciating physical pain and haven’t slept and haven’t eaten well and my life is falling apart and we were ABANDONED BY THE#PERSON WHO WAS RESPONDIBLE FOR THIS (i know we weren’t abandoned she literally just got a new job i just have psychological issues) and#we’ve been running at a million miles per hour with absolutely no break and now you’re mad at us and not even telling us and it’s impacting#everyone’s experiences but you want to pretend this is fucking high school and keep secrets. i am TIRED of drama. i am TIRED of this stupid#bullshit. and not to say this bc i don’t know if asb 2022 drama factored into her decision to leave but if it did i get why * left now. i#get it. bc this shit makes me want to jump out the hotel window. i do not want to face any of them tomorrow and deal with more bullshit. i#am emotionally unstable and incompetent and not equipped to deal with this in a mature healthy way. i want this to be over NOW. im done.#ok i think that’s it um. sorry about that i just needed other people to know i am suffering and i will suppress the shame i feel about that#just this once. esp bc i denied myself the opportunity for my colleague besties to comfort me while i was crying and i regret it now lol
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phoutube · 1 year ago
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hey guys! how do i repay the debt that must be paid
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lemonynuggets · 2 months ago
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nothing like a day of almost passing out since the moment you wake up because it’s extremely hot and you have to do housework
#lemon man talks#I’m gonna throw up#I couldn’t even have breakfast I had to go straight to cooking#If I step into the kitchen I’m actually gonna pass out I have low pressure problems#Also had to do laundry dishes and set the table yipee#And my brother is. Playing roblox. Very helpful.#He’s fully capable of at least taking his dirty laundry to the washing machine but nooo he throws everything into his chair and i have to#Sort through a disgusting clothing pile to figure out what’s clean and what’s dirty AND take it to the machine#And my parents just let him do whatever while giving me more orders and well let’s just say I haven’t had a single day off since summer#Break started#And I’m going on a big trip soon!! For studying!! In like a few days in fact!!#My grandma is here visiting so she’s sleeping in my room and I have to sleep with my fucking brother!!!#I can’t do anything and I had to move all my things and clean my room for my grandma to spend 3 days there!!!!! I’m ok#I’ve been having the worst 3 years of my life but whatever I don’t need a break who needs a break#I had to listen to my mom discuss why people shouldn’t get medication yesterday at lunch. I hate it here.#I can’t even get a diagnosis and now i know that if I did get it I wouldn’t be able to get medication. Rejoice!#Yesterday I joked about my mom changing my name legally to something stupid like tangerine and my father said “there won’t be a change whil#I’m still alive” fuck you if you don’t die then I’m killing you with hammers I hate you so much you’ve destroyed my life already thanks#Well this was. A rant#Byesies
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reignpage · 1 month ago
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Lying To Himself
Content: in which toji is left alone and how he deals with your temporary absence
You have to leave for two weeks, something about a mission in another city. Your boyfriend, Toji, swears it'll be okay, even insists that time will pass by in a blink of an eye. 
“‘m not a fucking child, ma. I’ll be fine. Just take care, yeah?”
And so, you peck him on his lips and wave goodbye before you get in the car. Then you’re disappearing in the distance. Toji shrugs, going back in feeling pretty excited to have the house to himself for two weeks — this has never happened before. As he sits on the couch, bottle of beer in one hand and tv remote on the other, he thinks about all the things he can do now.
The toilet seat can stay up, the bins will be full for longer, same goes for the dirty dishes in the sink, and he can watch whatever he wants; no more of those sappy romcoms with predictable plots and cheesy lines. 
“’s gonna be fun,” he mutters, a growing grin on his face. 
A couple days pass in relative silence, he stays out late, sleeps till noon and eats all the junk you’ve banned from the house. Toji cooks all the steak he wants and leaves the beer bottles to collect dust on the coffee table. And he accepts every invitation from his buddies to go out for drinks, watch basketball at the bar, and plays a couple games too.
He stays up all night, on the evenings he's not getting stupid drunk, playing videogames -- the violent ones you cringe at. During the day, he walks around the place in just his boxers, sometimes not even that, and it's liberating. All a man needs is to be free to be balls naked in their own kitchen.
"You're not missing her at all?" Shiu asks, smoke blowing in his face as they stand in the back alley, leaning against the wall of the bar.
Toji snorts. "What am I? Five years old? I can last a couple weeks without being sappy."
His friend gives him a look, half amused, half disbelieving and a hundred percent smug. None of them miss the death grip he has on his phone, the way his knee is bouncing, and how he isn't even looking at the hot chicks that sway their asses as they walk by.
It’s been great. Really fucking great. 
You haven’t been texting much. Sure, you check in here and there, letting him know you’re alright, you’re safe, and making sure he’s watered your plants. However, there are rarely any opportunities for phone calls longer than five minutes, no FaceTime either, and sometimes he goes to sleep without a ‘goodnight’ from you. 
It’s fine. 
At least, he can sleep at whatever time he wants without you whining about needing cuddles.
More days pass just like that. 
And now he’s rarely leaving the house, finding his drunk friends boring and obnoxiously loud. It’s like he's suddenly realised they’re kinda fucking stupid. He starts to get sick of all the steak and fried chicken and takeaway, and instead he’ll text you for the recipe of your lasagne or that smoothie you make him in the mornings that’s always greener than the last. 
His feet tap on the floor when you don’t reply straight away. And when his phone lights up, he practically dives for it and grips it tight in his palm, screen threatening to crack when it’s not from you. 
“God fucking dammit, Shiu. Don’t fucking talk to me if it’s not important.”
The movies he’s been dying to watch are pretty shit. There’s no depth, no proper pacing, and the dialogue’s cheesy as fuck. Usually, you’d throw popcorn at the screen and complain about all those things, but he finds that he has to mutter them to himself for white noise. Even smirks when he thinks he got it exactly right, guessing what you’d say as if you’re yapping right in his ear. 
“She’d totally find that shit stupid. And that blood looks fake as fuck. What was the fucking budget for this shit?”
Most of the phone calls on his history log are from him, more reds than greens. What the fuck have they got you doing over there anyways? 
When you do reply to his ‘g’night’ and ‘hey, sleep well?’, he’ll have a go at you for taking so damn long. It’s just fucking ridiculous that you’re clearly sleeping well when he has to hit the gym and tire himself out to even get an hour of shut eye nowadays. Sometimes, he can’t even get any and he just paces the length of the living room waiting for a notification from you to pop up. 
“Fucking come on! Y'r phone better be dead or something.”
Toji hates having dinner on the table; the seat opposite him is empty, the placemat bare and he feels a freaky fucking soreness in his chest. When that happens, he never finishes his dinner. Must be a symptom of early heart disease. Gotta talk to the doctors about that. 
Instead, he eats on the sofa or in his car.
Eventually, you find time to speak to him for an hour, recounting all the crazy things you’ve seen and had to do. He doesn’t interrupt, he just grunts here and there, not even really listening but he urges you to keep talking when there’s a pause, like you’re unsure if you’re talking too much. And when you try to turn the conversation on him, asking about his day, he gives one word answers and then throws you another question. 
“Yeah?” He grunts. “What else? Speak up, ma. Wanna hear ya. D’ya go to that shop? Yeah? Y’ buy anything? Send me a picture.”
He gets two nights of decent sleep after that.
But then…
The guys at work know better than to open their fat mouths around him when he turns up with an extra wrinkle and a ticking in his jaw. Toji is somehow even more sadistic and violent and eager for blood. Even finally accepts their invitation to go out for drinks and drowns himself in the extra strong shit. Assuming he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, they don’t question his sour mood. 
But what they don’t know is that you texted, just a day before you’re set to come back, to let him know you’re staying another week. 
Fucking texted. 
Didn’t even get to hear it from your own voice. 
He buries himself in more work and stays at the gym for even longer, pushing his body so far, his mind quiets down and he don’t gotta think about the fact that he’s started sleeping on your side of the bed, that the house is losing your scent, and that divot on the couch where you always sat has flattened out. 
Everyone knows he’s losing his mind. They can tell by the dark circles under his eyes and the fact that he’s started snapping at women who are either flirting or just doing their jobs. And sometimes they even have to block his view of couples practising PDA. That’s the closest to hell they ever want to get around Toji. Suddenly, everyone’s hoping you throw the guy a bone and send a nude or something. Literally anything to rein him back in.
The day comes, though, when you’re finally returning home. 
“Y’ sure? Not gonna flake again? Be fucking sure, ma. Alright, get back safe.”
Toji throws all the rubbish out, washes the dishes and dries them, double checks that the toilet seat is down, and he’s followed your recipe for beef stew to the letter — it’s cooking in the oven, and it looks fucking great. Even exfoliated in the shower like you’ve been asking him to, almost took off an entire layer of skin. He doesn’t want to admit he feels pretty fucking fresh. 
The door handle rattles. 
He sits up. And then stands. Walks over to the front door, arms crossing and then uncrossing. 
You’re here. 
“Hey, Toji—“
Your greeting is smothered in his chest as he threatens to suffocate you with the hardest bear hug in the whole world. And though he’d never hurt you, if you weren’t a sorcerer, you’d have been in big trouble. 
“Y’ hungry? Or y’ wanna shower first?”
His hands are all over you, lifting your chin to search your face for any scratches, even squishes your cheeks to be sure, and he’s patting you down for bruises or just to make sure all your limbs are intact. There’s a frown on his lips and it’s pretty darn cute. 
“Aw, Toji, baby. Did you miss me?”
“No.”
You roll your eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re not a child, blah blah blah.”
Walking past him to take your shoes off, hang your coat and roll your suitcase to the side, you’re inhaling the air and moaning about the delicious food in the oven. Oh, God. You’ve been craving homemade food for so long now. You might actually die if you don’t eat. 
“Come here.” Your eyes dart to him, still standing by the doorway, fists clenching and unclenching. Toji looks furious. You look closer. No, he looks…embarrassed? “Said come here, ma.”
“Why?” You ask, head titling in curiosity and slight suspicion. 
He grunts. “What? I gotta spell it out for ya?”
Laughing, you tap your foot on the ground and retort back, “Yeah, you might because you need to have a good reason for keeping me from both a good shower and a warm meal.”
Toji rolls his eyes and stalks over to you, yanking you back to his chest so he can wrap his arms around you and keep you still. It’s much softer than before, but you feel the same sense of passion, something that verges on desperation.
It’s almost like…
No. 
It can’t be. 
Oh, but when you feel his face bury itself in your neck and you hear that long inhale, followed by a deep groan vibrating through his chest, you’re absolutely sure. 
Toji missed you. 
An overwhelming feeling of love fills you, so does a sense of victory, and you just hug him back, inhaling deeply too. He smells like home, like reluctant cuddles, pats on the ass, and early morning sex. You thought you’d have the most trouble in the two weeks, which turned into three, but as it turns out, he didn’t fare much better. 
Though he’d never admit it with his own mouth, his body betrays him.
Toji doesn’t let you get very far without a hand on you somehow, whether that’s a hand on your thigh as you eat dinner side by side, instead of across from each other, or you sitting on his lap as you watch the movie you want to watch. He even waits on the toilet lid as you shower, though that only lasts a couple minutes before he’s stripping and joining you. 
“Y’r not washing y’r hair right,” he tuts. 
Getting into bed is even worse because he’s practically lying on top of you the whole night, still sniffing your neck, and with his hands exploring your body. Not really in a sexual way, which is odd for him, but as if he just wants to feel you. He wants to feel your warmth, your softness, and reassure himself you’re home. 
Soon, he’s out cold and you mumble a goodnight against his forehead.
He wakes up feeling completely refreshed, like a newborn, stretching and grinning about getting ready with the day, and frowns when you’re still fast asleep. Part of him wants to make sure you’re getting your rest, but that part doesn’t win for very long and the much bigger part is shaking you awake.
“Come on, ma. Fucking bored here. Wake up, yeah? Let’s get some breakfast. Wanna talk to ya.” 
And when you do wake up, grumbling at how loud he’s being, he ignores the glares you’re giving and the swatting of his hands. Toji gives you a rare, wide, toothy smile and he says, 
“There’s my gorgeous girl. Good morning, baby.”
Yeah, this man totally missed you. 
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exopelagic · 9 months ago
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supervisor was met. god help our souls
#I think everything is fine and this is mostly residual anxiety#but also. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#I now have a project area that I can start properly planning out which is good#and I have a vague schedule for the next month which helps a lot#next two weeks have just become very busy bc I have the majority of the writing for my proposal to do#I’m struggling most at this minute I think with why this actually matters#bc looking like my project will be abt spatial structure within populations which like cool interesting#but I do have to talk abt why anyone should care abt this#it is kinda frustrating to me actually bc I wanted to do smth with more immediate relevance now but the area I’ve ended up with#was 1. result of me dropping the topic I actually wanted to do 2. mentioning one of the first things I could figure out smth coherent for#3. supervisor latching onto that from my email and now we’re running with it#so okay like this immediate thing I’m doing won’t have any kind of application bc this is a study system so that’s not the issue#need to think wider abt what you learn from this and generalisability#has relevance to range shifts bc of climate change and from there is important to small scale evolutionary processes#whether you get differentiation or stratification within populations#potentially more relevant to island evolution and like. gene pool stuff?#I think I’m struggling rn bc I’ve not figured out my hypotheses yet and I can test things in a way that will be useful for other things#and there IS still utility in understanding things better come on I was willing to die on the pure science hill for so long#hdhdhsjdhnshdbsb I think I’m slightly frustrated by my supervisor just not thinking very much abt stuff#like he didn’t know the schedule for the proposal deadlines and I don’t think he knows the format tbh#I also had to tell him the focus was on the one year and not the extension bc. dude this is a masters I only have a year what#I know he’s done these before and it wasn’t exactly a surprise that this was coming so I’m kinda confused and a little annoyed#but okay it’s fine it’s fine. I can email him abt importance. and I’ll be asking abt titles around Wednesday once Ive figured out some ideas#rn i need to think about what I would be testing here with what I have available and how I would do it and I can write an overview from that#figure out what are the important questions to ask and I can find stuff that would be relevant to like conservation and shit#bc I KNOW that there’s important stuff here that I’m just not seeing. I might have to link stuff to fitness to get a more rounded analysis#which is also fine I can do that that’s probably a good way to tie the project together honestly. will make that one of the main aims#I think the studies on that are kinda lacking anyway and haven’t been done in a while so would still be filling a gap and if not#I can use THOSE studies for relevance of the project. that’s what im missing i think it’s the next step so I can understand consequences#luke.txt
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ellana-ravenwood · 4 months ago
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“Batman, you need to-IS THAT A BABY ?!” - Batfam x Fem!reader
Synopsis : Bruce and Batmom bring their newborn daughter to the Watchtower, so she can meet their friends (or vice versa). Includes an overprotective Damian, League members who cannot believe the Batman is smiling, and other shenanigans.  
Oop, I’m back (?). My dudes. It’s been TWO YEARS since I last posted here. Two. Years. I posted like, two life update...don’t know if some of y’all saw it, but long story short : I got married, I have a son now, and everything is going so well in my life that I didn’t really need the validation I got from writing online...Buuuuuuuuuuuuut, I still love writing. And so, after quite a long break, here I am :). Hope you will enjoy this, don’t hesitate to let me know if you do : 
Please, do not repost my stories anywhere else, under any other form. Do not translate and then repost them either. Thank you.
My masterlist : @ella-ravenwood-archives
________________________________________________
“You’re evil, you know that right ?” You say, raising an eyebrow.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, my love.” He answers, a small smile on his lips. You turn to him and...Oh that smug look, that smug look you loved so much. He definitely DEFINITELY knew what he was doing. 
And that it was utterly...evil. 
“It’s going to be FUN !” 
Ah, and here’s his little devil. Damian himself. He loved this. Partly because he thought it was funny to mess with everyone, partly because he liked showing that you guys were a family. 
“They won’t believe their eyes !” His little voice kept going, followed by a big roar of laughter that sounded, by all means, more childlike than devilish. 
“That they won’t, they always seem so surprised when Bruce acts like a human.” 
Jason. Still not calling Bruce “dad” (except sometimes, by “accident”, and even him don’t realize he did), he’d only slowly been back at the manor, with all of you. And, for sure, a certain important event which happened about four months ago made it so he came back to live at home.
Dick chuckled and added : “Who would blame them ? We’re talking about a man who eats his burgers with a knife and fork !” He gestured to his father with his left thumb, his other hand shielding part of his mouth as if he was telling them all a secret, as if he was trying to be discreet, so his dad wouldn’t hear...Always quite the little clown, that eldest son of yours. With his exaggerated mannerism, and that sparkle in his eyes, in his smile. 
“I’m certain some of them thought he was genuinely a cyborg for YEARS” Tim added, quite seriously, his tone the opposite of his older brother (and that was just his way of joking...you think). And honestly ? Yeah, you were pretty sure some of your friends at the JLA thought your husband was a robot, at one point. 
Oh yes. That’s where you were going, to the JLA’s headquarters. To execute Bruce’s plan. Quite the evil plan indeed. 
“Hell, even I thought he was one before I met you guys !” Duke chimed in, and that made Cassandra smile widely, as she shook her head up and down pointing at Duke as if to say : “what he just said”. 
And in a very Bruce manner, your husband kept a straight face, ignoring his children’s teasing. Only you, saw that twinkle in his eyes, that smile that might not reach his mouth, but was definitely dancing in those bright blue eyes. 
Oh yes. Yes, your friends were in for quite the surprise. 
************
Meanwhile, in the Justice League headquarters : 
“Oh, hey ! Look, Batman’s zeta tube is turning on ! We haven’t seen him in a while right ?”  
Indeed they haven’t. Because, well, let’s put it this way : Batman’s wife just had a baby. 
A baby girl (finally, right ? You and Cass weren’t TOO outnumbered anymore). 
And Batman had been VERY busy doting over his baby girl. 
Batman had been busy being Bruce Wayne. 
Just a man, who thought he’d never be happy again, not knowing how to handle all those feelings he had for his wife (for you), for his children. 
That was happiness then, right ? 
So, yes. Batman hasn’t been much at the JLA’s headquarters lately. But your husband thought, it was finally time to go see his friends a little bit. He knew they were all up there, because it was their monthly reunion (once each month, they gathered to talk about the state of the world, the universe, what threat lingered, what lurked beyond...and to get very drunk, and see their friends, the only ones who knew what it meant to be a “hero”). 
And that what’s made him particularly evil. 
He knew, they would all be there. He knew what their reaction was going to be. After all, his memory was amazing, he definitely hadn’t forgot the way they reacted the first time they saw you, the first time they learned he had children (childrEN, plural !). 
And he knew they were a little worried about him. 
He had missed their last three reunions, and only answered : “Everything is ok” to their messages asking if he was alright (they hadn’t dared to go see if he was indeed ok, because last time they did that, they found him bed ridden with all the bones in his body broken, and he got so mad at them for butting in his business he worked twice as hard when he was fine again, and didn’t talk a WORD for months...that was, of course, years ago, before you were in his life, but the experience was still in their minds and so, they decided to respect his privacy, he would come to them when ready). And he never pushed his “red button”, him, or anyone in the family. 
They just assumed he was busy, they hoped it wasn’t anything bad. 
Yes. They were worried. For him. For you. For your kids. For Alfred. For your dogs, your cats, your cow...They. Were. Worried. 
And Bruce knew. 
You told him, when your pregnancy was confirmed, to tell his friends. That they would be happy. But after his own initial happy thought, his surge of hope and love at knowing he was going to be a dad again, he started to make his plan. 
Why tell them, when you could toy with them ? 
“They deserve it.” He told you, and you weren’t sure if they did, but you weren’t about to fight him on that. After all, you too, thought it could be amusing. Amusing to hide your pregnancy, making up excuses as to why they couldn't come see you, and you didn’t come up the headquarter. Amusing, to even hide it quite expertly from any form of news (Bruce was a MASTER of disguise, not only for himself), so it would be a real surprise. 
Amusing, to have your little girl in secret, with only your family. Amusing, but also what you wanted. For this good news to be just between you, your children, and Alfred. Your close family. Because you had too few things that just were yours. 
This had to be yours. Your thing, your secret, your own happiness. Yours, and only yours. And you found it was good, that you guys spend the first few months of your daughter’s life only between yourselves. 
It was nice, to go out “disguised” as a normal couple, and show your daughter Gotham (and how her little eyes already tried to take the entire world within them). 
It was nice, to live in total privacy for a little bit. 
So, yes, you had been a little selfish. And he had, too. You knew it wasn’t just to prank his friends, he kept it all a secret. That it was also to have some quality time with his family. To spend the first few months of his daughter’s life being the only one being utterly smitten with her. 
Though, this last thing wasn't true...You were, too. And your children ? Let’s just say your daughter had not been alone ONCE since she was born. And she seemed to love it. 
Whenever she made the slightest sound, smiled, laughed (or cried), they were there, Bruce was there, absolutely loving that little baby. 
She was almost 4 months old now, and Bruce thought that the gist had to be up. What scale did he use to measure this amount of “readiness” ? You had no idea. You thought he was just now ready to share his happiness with his friends, and not just his close family. 
And so here you were, after months of secrecy carefully crafted and orchestrated by your husband, in the JLA’s headquarters, along with your family, the little new addition to said family in your husband’s arms. 
Evil. Your husband was downright evil. 
He knew that what was about to happen would have a massive impact on his friends. He. KNEW. 
And as the zeta tube brought all your family up there, you knew that as he saw their faces, your husband was a little TOO happy with himself for his little “prank”. 
************
“Batman, are you al- IS THAT A BABY ?” Very typical, very in character : the first to react was Flash himself. 
None of the other noticed, and they seemed inclined to think Barry had lost his mind but then...
Bruce’s face didn’t move an inch, he just held that little “package”, and had his same stoic expression except...Except there was a little hand grabbing at his chin. 
Then another hand appeared out of that bundle Batman carried, with a bat plushie bunched in a tight fist, shaking it and...Cooing. 
Cute little sounds, and the way- EXCUUUuuUuuuUSE ME ?
The way Batman just softly looked at her, the way his cold expression was replaced by a tender one as he lowered his eyes to her ??
WHAT ?! 
They knew. They knew he had THE softest spot for his family. They knew his scary aura greatly dimmed when he was around his wife and children. They knew that when they weren’t there, he was only made of shadows. They were his light, his salvation. 
They knew he didn’t have the same face expression, when they were around.
Well, when they were looking at him...Barry swore that Batman loomed around his family, standing menacingly behind them, his eyes cold and calculating as if he was ready to fight any seconds to save his loved ones, and then whenever they turned to him his feature would instantly soften. He will ALWAYS remember the first time he met little Dickie, 9 years old and so full of joy and life, and how whenever he would look at Batman and talk to him, said Batman got a softer expression somewhat, but then when Dick turned around, Batman looked about to murder them whenever they came too close from him. 
Once, Tim, also 9 at the time, years after the JLA met Dick, told Barry matter of factly : “He doesn’t kill people. He could break your knee caps though” in a very Tim fashion. The kid was serious. And had noticed the aura surrounding his dad, how it changed when he was around (he noticed more than his siblings, because for a while, Bruce had been really cold and distant with him, since he met him not long after Jason’s death..understandable. So he was the only one who had this sort of behavior aimed at him, the shield Bruce put in front of him to keep everyone away so he wouldn’t be hurt, the shield that now was lowered for them and only them). 
It was his eyes. His eyes that were always hard and cold, became different when looking at you or his children. 
Not to say that his family never exasperated him, or that he never had his “mask” around them. After all, Bruce’s stoic expression was his face by default. It’s just that he was often too focused. And that he spend years practicing hiding his emotions, practicing keeping a blank face. Because Barry also remembered seeing Dick perched on his father’s shoulders, letting himself dangle in his back, his head upside down, whistling and kicking his feet, and Bruce having this stoic mask on, concentrated. 
Anyway, they knew all that. It had been years, since Bruce finally trusted them enough to bring his wife here, and his kids. But yet, yet they were still surprised sometimes.
Like today. 
The picture of Batman holding a baby was...a little weird. 
Even if he opened up to them over the years, he was still mostly very cold, distant and aloof. You know, Batman. That’s just who he was. So sometimes, to see him so devoted to his wife or kids, it was odd to say the least. 
And right now, as he walked towards them with a baby in his arms, the shock was real. Damn it, will there be a day when the Bat didn’t surprise them with something ? 
How did none of them notice you were pregnant ? Proof again Batman was a master of his craft. And that little girl...
Oh your daughter was such a beaming ray of sunshine, that in his arms it was particularly a jarring image. 
The big scary bat, tall, broad shouldered, muscular in every way, his face void of expressions, holding a tiny baby who kept smiling at everyone around, and playing with her plushy. 
Odd. 
Yet, sweet. 
Were they surprised ? Yes. 
Were they a little mad he hid something (AGAIN) this important from them ? Definitely. 
Were they shocked that his daughter was so darn cute and smiling and laughing that much ? Not really, because you were his mom too. 
Were they happy for him ? For sure. 
Were they going to adore that little girl ? Probably as much as they adored his other kids already, which meant...yes. Yes they were going to. 
Damn that bastard Bruce. Always so sneaky. 
Hal, couldn’t help but think : “First, he’s not a vampire, then, he’s married with children, and now, he has that cute baby. This guy ??!!” 
***********
The initial shocked passed, and only after your children MOCKED all of your friends (you had to give it to Dick, he knew how to imitate them so well..and when Damian joined in ? Oh, oh it was a fit of laughter impossible to fight that attacked them), did they approach your daughter. 
“Her name is Martha.” Bruce said “We named her after my mother.” and it wasn’t his usual flat tone he used as Batman. No, it was a soft voice he usually only reserved for his kids. And the reason he was using it now ? Well. He didn’t want to scare his daughter, as he still held her. 
She beamed at him when she heard her name, and babbled some baby nonsense. She then turned towards all those new faces, and you saw Bruce’s hand hold her a little tighter. 
Your beautiful, sweet soul husband. He clearly was worried she’d be scared, meeting all those new people. Especially since they all wore mask. But Martha-
Martha let go of her bat plushy (which Damian caught before it touched the floor, rolling on the ground in a way you thought was quite comedic. Oh, that boy), and lifted her arms up towards- 
“What a sweet little girl !” Diana said with a voice you NEVER heard her use. You realized it was her “voice reserved for babies and domestic animals”, and it made you smile. It was higher than her usual voice, and full of softness. 
You thought your daughter reached for her because she could feel the warmness in your friend. And after all, amongst all of those gathered here today, she was probably the one that adored babies the most. 
Diana looked at Bruce, who only inclined his head a little to give her the ok to lift her from his arms but-
Another arm stopped her, and took the baby away. 
Damian. 
Damian, the one who took his role as a big brother a little too seriously. 
He held Martha protectively against him, and literally sneered at all your friends. 
************
Damian deemed most of them unworthy to hold his baby sister, and only Clark ended up being allowed to carry her. And that was partly because Clark was the only one who knew about Martha, the only one who saw her already, and he had months to convince your son to trust him with her. 
Being an extremely close friend and all, you just couldn’t hide this from him and... no, really, you literally couldn’t hide this from him as he was the immediately noticed that second heartbeat when he listened in to make sure you and your family were safe. Bruce hated when he did that, but Clark wasn’t about to let them be in danger without moving an inch.
Anyway, Clark was allowed to hold her, but he gave her back to you rather quickly because your son’s stare made him uncomfortable. If eyes could kill, right ? 
Damian took his job as an older brother very seriously. He would protect her at all cost. And you had no doubt that he would be the kind of person to burn the entire world down if it meant saving his family. 
Damian only glared at everyone, letting them approach ONLY after they put on a surgical mask so they wouldn’t give her their “viruses or whatever”. 
You had to admit he was a bit much, and you asked him nicely to calm down a little. He relented on the face masks, but made them all wash their hands (twice). 
You ruffled his hair affectionately, what a sweet little boy. It broke your heart, how so many people judged him too fast. He really was, a nice kid. With a heart of gold. He just didn’t have much luck for the first few years of his life. 
But he chose to be like this. Chose to love, instead of hate. Chose to protect, instead of attacking. 
Although, right now, as Diana came back towards his sister, he definitely seems ready to high kick her (which definitely wouldn’t have hurt the amazon). 
************
It was a hassle, to convince Damian to let go of his sister so they could hold her. As per usual, it’s Dick who managed to convince him, saying Martha was all soft and cute, and everyone deserved to hold her at least once. Adding that if one of them dropped her, he would be allowed to do whatever he wanted to them. 
Some of the mightiest heroes of the planet were gathered hear, but the threat didn’t fall on deaf ears. Damian could be a little intense, and scary sometimes. 
They weren’t fooled by Dick’s agreeable smile either. A smile that didn’t always reach his eyes. They knew if they messed up, he would find every way to rip them to shreds. Dick was often seen as the calmest of your children, but his anger issues from when he was a child were never far. And he could be ruthless.  
Diana held her first, and your daughter babbled to her excitedly. 
Of course, being only 4 months old, she just talked gibberish. And it was so sweet, how Diana answered her : “What ? *babbles from your daughter* Noooooo. *more babbles from your daughter* I can’t believe he said that. And then what ? *babbles babbles babbles*”. 
After that, Dick took her back, and asked if someone else wanted to hold her, under yours and Bruce’s watchful eyes. 
Then again, in the room, many were also already parents and knew how to hold a baby. They weren’t too worried, except-
Except Dick, that little sh-, had found a new game in recent weeks. Whenever he gave his little sister to someone else...he pretended to drop her. 
And it made him laugh and laugh and laugh, to give mini-heart attacks to EVERYONE whenever he gave them his baby sister to them, as they always all panicked and screamed seeing her dropped (Dick always had her secure, he only pretended to drop her of course). 
“Oh no careful !” He’d scream, dropping his arms suddenly (she looooved it) while still gripping her, and they’d scramble to catch her, and he would just laugh. 
“You little-” Hal’s colorful words were...imaginative. And Damian was inclined to agree, since his brother pranked him oh, I don’t know, only about A HUNDRED TIMES since their little sister was born. 
You wouldn’t admit it, but it made you laugh a little too. Even if he got you a few times as well, pretending he was going to drop her. Then again, you trusted your eldest son. Once you and Bruce wouldn’t be around anymore, you knew he would hold this family together. 
************
Martha was a calm baby. She let people hold her, curious enough to not fuss and watch them all intently. It made Barry uncomfortable, how she held his gaze and would just stare at him. 
She would stare, and stare, and stare, and her bright blue eyes were EXACTLY like Bruce’s, it felt like being stared down by a miniature version of Batman. 
He didn’t like it. So he gave her back to whomever was closest, which happened to be Jason
Jason, who was always very delicate with his little sister. He handled her as if he’d break her. It broke your heart, to know he probably literally thought that. 
He refused to hold her at first, sure he would hurt her. But she kept reaching for him, crying when he wouldn’t take her, and she was so adorable and-
He caved, of course. After a little while. And he was oh, the fixture of a patient older brother. You knew he would ALWAYS be part of her life, and step in whenever she needed to. 
Right now, she was grabbing his hair, which were getting quite long, and pulling hard on them as babies do and- He didn’t say anything. He just let her do it. 
You really hoped she wasn’t going to take advantage of this when she’d get older, even if you already had visions of her having her brothers and father wrapped around her little finger, having her sister too, and...apparently, the entirety of the JLA. 
************
“How can such an a-hole make such a cute baby ?” Hal said, looking at the little girl he held. She was sort of dozing off, which for sure was adorable. 
Bruce only glared at him, which amused Hal greatly. He just gave him the shock of his life, he could laugh at his expense a little, right ? 
“I believe, to make a baby, you need to-”
“Um, no, Jon, please, I know how to ! It’s just-Oh, forget it.” 
Flustered, Hal Jordan was flustered. Jon J’onzz didn’t seem to get why, but then again, human sarcasms and irony were still very foreign to him. He always answered pragmatically to people. 
Talking about pragmatism. Hal handed back your daughter to Tim, who slipped her in his favorite new contraption : the baby carrier 3.0 (of his own design). Made so he could do all sort of work while having her strapped to him. Keeping an eye on her at all time. 
Tim adopted the use of a baby carrier, so he could still work while taking care of her (he stole the idea from his dad, who definitely hung around with his daughter EVERYWHERE with that thing...which was the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen, this tall broad man and this tiny baby attached to his chest). 
It was so cute to see her little feet dangling while he was working. Damian nearly lost it when he found Tim WELDING two pieces of metal together with the baby carrier on his front. Tim merely said : “I made her baby sized goggles and a fireproof pyjama, she’s fine, and she likes it” and indeed, your daughter didn’t have a scratch, and cried when Damian hauled her away from the sparks. Ooooh the smug look on Tim’s face as his brother gave her back reluctantly. Damian’s was utterly vexed. 
Vexation he forgot just a few minutes later, when Martha decided she had enough of sparkles and made little sounds of protest (not quite cries), and reached her little arms to him. 
As of now, Tim had her in this baby carrier again, and was strolling around the JLA headquarters, showing his new little sister to everyone. 
************
Cassandra didn’t say a word, as per usual. She never liked big crowds, only spoke to those she trusted the most. Her brothers, her parents. 
She only gestured to others. Remained quiet. But she monitored every little movements. 
Hawkgirl approached her sister ? Noted. Carefully studying every move. Martian Manhunter asked if he could hold her ? Noted. 
Superman made little babbling sound at her, while her dad held her ? Noted, with amusement. It was funny, to see one of Earth’s mightiest hero grimacing to a baby to make it laugh, while said baby was held by another mighty hero who was utterly stoned face. Cass’ smiled at her dad, who smiled back for a fraction of seconds before Clark shifted his head up to look at him too, and Bruce went back to his : “ -_-” face, by reflex really. 
Cassandra never spoke much, but she loved a lot. And her way of loving her little sister ? It was to always keep a watchful eye on her, so she could react to whatever she needed. And give her space when she needed to. 
She had many brothers, she often joked that if she lost one, she could just replace him (a joke you didn’t like much, because you knew it was just a self-defense from her, to shield her heartbreak at the mere idea of loosing a sibling), but only had one sister...
Yes. Your youngest child definitely held a special place in everyone’s heart. 
And you could see her slowly creep in every members’ of the Justice League’s heart too. 
Gods, you couldn’t even imagine what would happen to the person who would one day try to hurt her. You could bet, though, he wouldn’t get out of it unscathed (to say the least). 
************
Martha was particularly fond of Duke’s inuit kiss. He had the capacity to instantly calm her, and he could easily feel her inner emotions. 
As she was passed around everyone, and she started to be tired and cranky, he simply retrieved her and brought her to Bruce, because he knew that was her preferred spot to fall asleep. 
He kissed her on the forehead, and sure enough, she was asleep before he could pull away. Your husband put a warm hand on Duke’s head, a warm smile on his face. That boy could always tell what others felt. It was a gift, really, and sometimes a curse as others’ feelings could leak into him. Which is to say that sometimes, when others were sad, he would be too...
But for now, he felt content. At peace. Because his dad was, too. 
And indeed, Bruce, holding his sleeping daughter against his heart, his hand supporting her head gently, was utterly at peace. 
He loved the idea that his arms were his daughter’s favorite place to sleep, and never refused to hold her to help her sleep. You sure were a little jealous, but he told you : “They all always come to you when they need comfort, one kid out of six, you surely can give me, right ?” and though you knew he was joking, it broke your heart a little. 
So, you let go of your jealousy, and let him have this indeed. Martha was definitely a daddy’s girl. And that was good. You could see the impact on your husband, how having a baby in the house soothed him. 
He loved his kids so damn much. He often said they were his lights. And the fact Martha found comfort with him ? 
It reminded him of his own parents. How he would go to his mom, a Martha too, to find the same comfort. To fall asleep in the same way. 
You let go of that small jealousy, as you saw her falling soundly asleep, cuddled up against her dad. And it was funny, how Bruce would take his usual Batman persona, stone faced, standing straight and- 
Having one of two fingers held tightly by both of his daughter’s little hands. She grabbed them as he took her, one hand holding her (she was so tiny...and he was a big dude), the other, she used as a sort of comfort plushy. She held them with all her might, as she slept. 
And Bruce was speaking battle plans, and you had to fight the laughter in you as all your friends couldn’t help but stare at the scene, not knowing how to feel. 
Hal snickered at one point, and he made a gesture for him to zip it, and it was quite an odd scene, as he held his daughter and did that childish gesture. 
Seriously. That guy !! 
************
Batman smiling was...different. 
They all got caught staring at him, when he had his daughter in his arms. Staring because his broad smile was-
Well. Broad. 
It wasn’t his signature smirk. It wasn’t a soft smile. It wasn’t a half-smile. It wasn’t a smile that you could only see in his eyes. 
It was a full on big ass smile (as Barry would say). 
And sure, they already saw him smile like that (although he schooled his face back to “stone mode” when he noticed them looking), never that much. 
As if the birth of his daughter gave Batman another new light, and it was just impossible to yield to his old demon, to brood, when holding that ray of sunshine. 
It made them all feel...soft. And warm. 
It was nice, to know the bat wasn’t just a machine. They forgot it sometimes, that he was, in the end, “just” a man. They forgot why he became Batman. The pain and guilt he held inside. But moments like this, they were reminded of it. 
That the Batman didn’t exist because of hatred, but because of love. 
Because he loved his parents, his city, and now- 
His family. 
It was nice, to get reminded that there was a man below the mask. And though he could be an “a-hole” sometimes, there, holding his baby, he was just that. 
A loving man, who wanted to protect others. 
************
You made a note of every moments you would cherish forever of you introducing your daughters to them all : 
1. The shock on their faces as they beheld the sight of THE BATMAN holding a baby against him, and being so delicate. 
2. Your daughter being the star of the show, all of them smitten with her !
3. Your friends wanting to hold her, and how they beamed at her (and she beamed back, except with Barry, whom she only stared at for some reasons). 
4. Dick’s “game” of pretending he dropped her, and their panicked reaction. 
5. The success of Tim’s baby carrier, and how now, there was always one up in the tower. 
6. Diana and how it definitely seemed like she would move mountain for that child. 
7. How Clark’s eyes filled with tears again, as he looked at Martha. Because it made his friends so happy. You and Bruce. And especially Bruce. And Clark was an emotional man, who suffered too, and was just so happy “The Batman” was happy. 
8. How Jason seemed at peace with his little sister, and how whenever he held her, he seemed less weary than usual around everyone. Like Cass, he didn’t like much being amongst too many people. But now, it felt like he had an “emotional support baby”. Ah. 
9. Their reactions, past the shock, welcoming that new life in the world. 
10. How Bruce monitored his daughter being held by his friends, holding your hand. Even after all those years, when he acted close to you in his Batman costume, it made you...feel things. He always kept a facade as Batman. A facade that would crumble with his kids, and especially with you. PDA weren’t rare. And even after years at his side, it always made your heart beat wildly when he showed affection towards you in public, because it meant- 
Oh it meant so much. 
And you had so many more moments forever ingrained in your heart from that day spend up at the JLA’s headquarters. 
Too many to count. Some sweet, some hilarious- 
All positive feelings. 
And as you and your family stepped back in the zeta tubes, your friends saying “byyyyye” to Martha especially, with their baby voice (making Bruce roll his eyes), and as she waved at them- 
Waved for the FIRST TIME ever oh. 
Oh it felt like you would die of happiness. 
And still, Bruce’s hands held yours tightly. 
He knew. 
He knew, you were the source of this happiness he thought he could never find again. 
He knew. 
He never loved like that before. 
Yes. It felt like you could just die of happiness.
__________________________________________________
And here we are. I hope you enjoyed this. Don’t hesitate to comment and/or reblog, it’s always greatly appreciated :). 
Also, initially, the child was going to be Thomas (their son in my “main” storyline, if you already read a few works from me), but last minute, I was like : “wait no, I want to give Bruce a daughter, and the boys a sister. Also, poor Cass eh ?” and here we are. I really hope you liked this; I’m nervous for some reasons. Anyway. See you soon with another one ? 
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dandelionsresilience · 3 months ago
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Just in case Trump wins:
right after Trump was elected in 2016, suicidality skyrocketed. If you’re considering suicide in the wake of the election this year, at least wait until after it’s absolutely certain that he’s won - after every vote has been counted, every state certified, and maybe even after he’s been sworn in (IF he wins), just to make sure he doesn’t go to prison instead. Watch the results come in live here, but don’t obsess or let them sway your vote. (To be clear, I don’t want a single person to commit suicide over the election results, no matter what. But I know from experience that “don’t do it” is thoroughly unhelpful, so instead I’m saying at least wait.)
if you’re considering suicide because you fear worsening material conditions, you might think a hotline can’t help with that. and it’s true that they can’t change legislation or promise you’ll be safe. but it’s worth double checking whether what you’re actually hurting from is in fact unfixable. right now, just getting through the emotions can help you regain a more objective view of the situation, and then you can work on surviving it. plus, when something bad happens, we tend to vastly overestimate how bad it will seem in the future, no matter how bad it actually is.
In my experience, it might take a few tries before you find a hotline that picks up, either because they’re so busy, or they’re closed at that time, or they simply don’t serve your location or demographic, so under the thingy I’ve listed more than just the same handful that tend to show up on other websites. Even if you’re not actively suicidal, you can talk to them about your hard feelings, ask for material resources, or just vent to a compassionate listener.
FIND HELP
HopeLine - call/text: 877-235-4525
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - call/text: 988 | chat
Crisis Text Line - text HOME to 741741 | chat
help getting out of the military
for underrepresented adults:
Thrive Lifeline - text THRIVE to 313-662-8209
for pre-teens, teens, and young adults:
Your Life Your Voice - call: 800-488-3000 | text VOICE to 20121 | email
for teens (limited hours):
Teen Line - call: 800-852-8336 | text TEEN to 839863 | email
for trans and questioning people:
Trans Lifeline - call: 1-877-565-8860
for people with substance dependency:
Never Use Alone Overdose Prevention Hotline - call: 877-696-1996
for BIPOC (“with an LGBTQ+ Black Femme Lens”):
BlackLine - call: 1-800-604-5841
for college students of colour:
The Steve Fund Crisis Text Line - text STEVE to 741741
for LGBTQ+ young people:
The Trevor Project - call: 1-866-488-7386 | text START to 678678 | chat
for homeless or runaway youth:
National Runaway Safeline - call/text: 1-800-786-2929 | (has chat and email, but I think the link includes tracking)
for Muslim youth (limited hours):
Naseeha Youth Hotline - call: 1-866-627-3342
Amala Hopeline - call: 1-855-952-6252
for Jewish queer youth (warmline, may take up to 24 hours to reply):
JQY Warmline - call/text: 551-579-4673
for veterans:
Veterans Crisis Line - call: 988, option 1 | text: 838255 | chat
for veterans and their families:
Lifeline for Vets - call: 888-777-4443
for pregnant people:
Crisis Pregnancy Hotline - call: 888-628-3353 | text: 714-448-8323
for parents unsure of their ability to care for a newborn:
National Safe Haven Alliance - call: 888-510-2229 | text SAFEHAVEN to 313131
International Council for Helplines Member Organisations
Warmlines - for emotional support, if you just need to talk; a lower level of support than crisis hotlines
NAMI Helpline directory
Key warmline directory (unclear if 317-550-0060 might also be a warmline, I haven’t tried it)
Wildflower Alliance Peer Support Line (limited hours) - call: 888-407-4515
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monstersholygrail · 5 months ago
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Puppy bf being a good boy and waiting by the door when you come home from work, his cock already nice and hard. Waiting impatiently he wags his tail so hard it smacks against the wall. Whining about how badly he needs you.
Sending even the slightest signal he’ll be on you before you can blink, his snout nuzzling against your nose as he crowds you against the door so that you can feel the straining bulge in his pants. His hips move on their own as they automatically start grinding against your clothed core.
You protest, trying to at least go to the bedroom, but as soon as your bf gets a whiff of your arousal he’s done for. His nails catching on your clothes and tears them off in one single jerk of his arm. His quickly following.
You cry out, trying to cover yourself up before his hand pins both your wrists above your head. You look at him in shock and he immediately whimpers, bowing his head to you as his hard cock now rocks into your exposed folds. Wanting to be good even as his need consumes him and your arousal drips down onto his length.
“Don’t I deserve your pretty pussy? Haven’t I been good for you?“
His free hand slowly begins to trail down your body, not being able to help but grab fist fulls of your flesh on the way down. You moan softly, head rolling back against the door as he continues his journey until he’s cupping your cunt in his hand. Fingers cheekily running through your glistening folds.
“Y-yes,” you stutter, barely able to talk. Your bf whines louder and dips his fingers inside you just enough to have you jerking in his arms before they leave to swirl around your clit.
“Then please let me fuck you. I’ll do anything! I’ll lick you raw, I’ll make you cum till you pass out, I’ll make you feel better than you ever have before.”
You both know he was going to do all that anyway, but at the desperation in his eyes you know you can’t deny him any longer. And you can’t deny yourself either. Today was stressful and all you want right now is for your bf to pound into you until you’re seeing stars.
All it takes is you hooking your leg around your bf’s waist and his eyes brighten, immediately understanding your signal. Before you can even blink he’s thrusting inside you and he doesn’t stop to let you adjust.
Grunts and moans ring throughout your home and you’re more than certain all the neighbors can hear your bf fucking into you with reckless abandon. The door rattling on its hinges from the sheer power of his cock plunging into your wet heat.
Your bf whines lowly in your ear, nuzzling into the fold of your neck. Slowly turning to a puddle now that he can feel your squishy body back against his and his cock back inside of you.
“Why won’t you touch me? P-please, need your touch. Been forever, do you even love me anymore?” He whines dramatically.
He starts fucking up into you even harder. As if trying to remind you of the sensations that only he’s ever been able to bring out of you. You pant heavily, your eyes clouded with lust to the point you can barely think straight either.
“Baby, you got my hands.”
Your bf looks up and sees his claws still trapping your wrists against the door. His cheeks blaze with pink and he lets you go before hiding into your neck, rocking his hips so his pelvis grinds against your pussy in a silent apology. Your jaw drops, pussy clenching around him and he growls until your hands claw down his back and he calms down.
His length still sliding along your walls at a punishing pace, bringing you closer and closer your release. It’s as if he can sense it, grinding harder against your clit. Wanting to feel you milking his dick more than anything.
“Waited so long for you, to feel your tight pussy sucking my cock back inside you. Felt like years. Missed you so much,” he whimpers, rutting into you furiously like he doesn’t want to leave your cunt for a second.
“I’m right here. Not going anywhere,” you whisper breathlessly in his ear.
With one more thrust you’re coming so hard on his cock that your ears ring. Your pussy clenching down so tightly on his length that he instantly cums right after you. Satisfied growls leaving his chest as you two help work each other through your climaxes.
You sag against him and his hands tighten on your hips, insistent on keeping you close. And he does as he helps take you to your room where he plans to make sure you don’t go anywhere as you’ll be too busy writhing on his thick tongue.
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sincere1ystar · 2 months ago
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Loved You First
rafe cameron x fem! reader | ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 1
Two years ago, Rafe left the island without saying a word. Unknowingly to him, you were pregnant all along. When he finally comes back, he’s desperate to get you back not knowing it’s more complicated than it seems.
𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝗆𝖺𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍
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Two years ago. That’s when you last saw Rafe Cameron. And during those two years you were pregnant for nine months with his baby. Not that he knew though.
It was difficult to say the least, and if it wasn’t for your little girl Julie , your heart would have never recovered. She was only about a year and a half, but she was sunshine in human form. Julie had the same eyes as her father that destroyed your idea of love, but she had your kind and giving spirit. She had the same smile as the man who left you one day for good, but she had your fondness for animals. Sure many of her physical attributes came from Rafe, but her heart was all you.
Maybe Rafe disappearing without a single explanation or goodbye was the reason you swore off affection for good. Everyone knew it did, but you insisted that your decision to lock the door of love and throw awake the key was to focus on yourself and your baby. Plus it’s not like you haven’t moved on. Well, maybe not romantically speaking, but you’ve moved on with your life. You had a job as a waitress at the local diner and even though Julie didn’t have her dad in the picture, your friends made sure that she had many aunts and uncles to shower her with love and care.
Of course you still struggled. Providing for a child was expensive, especially with only having a waitress job to support the two of you. On top of it all pathetic as it was, you still thought about Rafe even though it was two years since he left without a word. What if he stayed? He hadn’t even known you were pregnant, you never got the chance to tell him.
You constantly found yourself dwelling on these what-ifs. But it’s not like anything would change, your paths would never cross for. The thought was solidified in your head until you heard the news. Rafe was back on the island.
Well he technically wasn’t back permanently. But he’s been coming back and forth for buisness trips, and each time you’ve managed to skillfully avoid him. Not like it was hard, The two main places you spent your time was the diner and home anyway.
The first time you saw him in person after everything was at the diner. One of your friends was babysitting little Julie as you were working a double shift that day. You were giggling at a joke on of your coworkers made when the door chimed open.
“Hey what can I get started for you”— The menu in your hands was now dropped onto the floor once you saw who it was. Rafe. Your ex lover and the father of your child, who didn’t even know he was a father.
You weren’t going to let him see you weak. You weren’t going to let him see you flustered while stumbling over your words. “Sorry about that. What can i get started for you again?”
“Hey.. Can we talk?”, Rafe asks not even bothering to look at the menu placed in front of him. Unlike you, he wasn’t caught off guard in the least. He must have found out you were working at the diner somehow.
Two years. Two years since he left without a word. It didn’t matter whether or not he knew you were pregnant or not, he still left. And you were determined to not let him back in that easy. “I’m sorry that’s not an option on our menu. Can I start you off with something to drink?”
“I just need five minutes—“
“So what can I get started for you today? Our appetizers are on the front page”.
“Fine play it like that. I’ll take a water then”.
Before he can say anything else you turn back, your heels stomping during each step. He’s back? Why did he have to come here out of all place? Who does he think he is asking to talk? He’s the one who left two years ago without saying a word. If your boss hadn’t let out a small cough to interrupt your thoughts, you wouldn’t have realized that the cup in your hand was overflowing as you poured the water mindlessly.
He stayed there the rest of the day. Still sitting in that little booth just ordering a glass of water over and over again. And everytime you went over to ask if he’d like the check, he’d beg for a chance to talk again and again. Why was he desperately trying to fix things after two whole years? Did he know about.. No no he couldn’t.
Of course you were closing that night, which meant that you couldn’t escape Rafe as you locked up the diner for the night. You were tired of his attempts and just wanted to go home to your daughter.
“Just five minutes”, Rafe pleaded once again. “You know what no I’ll take two minutes of your time that’s all. Promise”.
“Listen I know I’m an idiot I know”, he started, And I left and I was stupid and it took me two years to realize”-
You stop him right there not willing to hear another word. “Yeah you were stupid. I don’t want your pity or your apologizes. It was two years ago Rafe, I’m sure we both moved on”. You start walking towards the nearest bus stop as Rafe follows close behind.
“Wait! Wait okay okay! I’m not asking for your forgiveness okay?.. I uh need a place to stay”, his words rush and overflow out of his mouth. He was desperate to get you to listen to him. Even if he had to lie about needing a place to stay.
His words stop you in your tracks. “A place to stay? I know you sold your place back at Tannyhill a while back but you don’t have… a rental house or something?”
“Not anymore… I sold it. And all the hotels are fully booked around here”.
Rafe knew it was a reach, and didn’t expect you to comply. If it wasn’t peak tourism season at the island you wouldn’t have believed him. “Fine. You can stay over at my house for a night”.
You were always sweet. Even to the man that abandoned you without a word. It’s just who you were. You could pretend to be cold and heartless in front of Rafe, but you both knew deep down that wasn’t who you were.
It’s a long and awkward bus ride, Rafe tries to speak every now and then but you quickly shut him down. He’s suddenly quiet once the two of you reach your place though. It’s… modest to say the least. Not in the best neighborhood either, but who was he t judge anyway. Being judgmental wasn’t going to get you back.
He notices how you have to practically kick open the door in order to get it unlocked. He also notices how small and cramped your place is. What does catch him off guard is the little girl running into your arms the minute you open the door.
“Mamaaaaaaaa!!!!!”, little Julie squeals as she toddles over to you and throws herself into your arms. Your friend who was babysitting her just chuckles at the little girl’s reaction and gets up from her spot on the couch.
“How has it been a year and a half already? She’s growing too fast”, your friend coos as you agree.
You quickly thank her for watching your Julie, hoping she won’t notice Rafe on her way out and by some miracle she doesn’t. But little Julie does as she giggles and waves to him from over your shoulder.
The door shutting from your friend’s exit is what forces Rafe out of his thoughts. That little girl in your arms was your daughter Was she his daughter too? He didn’t even need to ask, she had to be. With those eyes she had there was no doubt about it.
You don’t have to say anything to Rafe. The look you give him says it all.
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