#i know i don’t use tumblr hardly ever i just needed to say this

[katlanacross]

wherever nicholas matthews is out there i hope he’s thriving and living his best life

[poppitron360]

@cometmoons so for some reason tumblr has glitched and isn’t letting me respond to the ask you sent me so I’m just gonna do it like this.

OK OK OK OK OK OK SO-

There is SO MUCH to talk about with Wouldn’t You Like. I feel like it’s hard to describe on a written post so I took the liberty of downloading a music notation app and transcribing the bits I wanted to talk about (This took me aaaages. But it was a really fun process and taught me a lot.)

Be warned this is a LONG post.

Firstly, here’s my overall take on the narrative of this song:

Odysseus is one of the smartest heroes of Greek Myth. He’s a mentee of Athena. He’s tactical. Yes, he is a fighter, but he’s for the most part a strategist and he uses diplomacy and cunning and his words to defeat his foes. Big Slytherin energy. Up until this point, that’s all he’s ever used. Eurylochus has doubted and challenged this approach, and has now come to him, saying that Circe is too powerful to defeat and that they should just run away. Odysseus “Pride is my fatal flaw” of Ithaca is insisting on fighting Circe, but is realising that he might not be able to talk his way out of it.

Hermes has now shown up like “hey ✨dAhLiNg✨how about you try something different? DRUGS!”, offering him a taste of something he’s never had before… power.

This, in my opinion, is a big step in Odysseus’ fall from man into monster, and Jay uses music in so many different ways to convey that, so let’s start with a break down of the song one section at a time:

Intro:

For most of the song, you’ve got the Lyre/Harp playing- Hemes’ signature instrument, which is significant to him because according to myth he invented the Lyre. This is the first thing we hear in the song, immediately setting up the things you need to identify his character.

Harps and Lyres are typically used in film and videogame music to give a mystical, magical atmosphere. I love how Jay blends modern (1980s) Synthpop with more classical, eclectic instruments that don’t normally fit the style. I’m assuming for budgeting reasons he’s using a VST or some kind of sample pack and not a real harp (session musicians are EXPENSIVE), but still- you hardly ever hear a harp in this kind of music but it WORKS.

The introduction played by the harp also lays out something that is shown throughout the whole song:

AEOLIAN MODE!!!!

Modes are hard to explain bc I barely understand them myself (I said music theory was my special interest, not that I was any good at it) but according to the Wikepedia article I’m reading about them right now, they were used a lot in ANCIENT GREECE. The Aeolian mode specifically was used a lot back then. The word “Aeolian” comes from… you guessed it- the Islands of Aeolus!!!

Aeolus, being the God of the wind- Aeolian mode is this mystical, free-flowing mode that simulates the feeling of wind.

You know when you hear a high wind through a telegraph pole you get this whistling sound? That’s basically a rudimentary, naturally occurring Aeolian Harp. There’s a whole Physics lecture about sound frequencies and microtones and shit in here that I am not yet qualified to give but this kind of stuff FASCINATES me about music.

I found this 60sec short that explains Aeolian mode really well from a channel I really like: https://youtu.be/bJ6TRQ3k45Q?si=sksSz4xyf_96uMrp It’ll give a much more concise explanation than I could, but basically all you need to know is that the melodies are in this special scale.

Aeolian mode is the natural minor scale. It’s often used to feel spooky and mystical- perfect for a song like Wouldn’t You Like where this magical character is singing about a magical plant. It’s not the standard G minor scale, but something a little more twisted and not really something we’re used to hearing, giving it a mysterious quality.

This is established immediately by the harpline, and sets the entire tone of the song. We then hear his trademark giggle, and so in the first 3 seconds we know everything we need to know about who Hermes is and what he’s like.

Speaking of the giggle- I briefly mentioned Panning in my post about Scylla, and while I can’t discern any use of it just by listening, but I imagine Jay’s probably used a subtle amount of it to give the sense of Hermes flying overhead.

Panning is a thing done in audio production where you can choose how much of the sound is heard on the left or the right.

Verse 1 (“I must say”… etc.):

It’s very gentle at this point, the orchestration and vocalisation is calm and lilted. It’s very beautiful, although the minor tonality gives it a slightly uneasy feel. (Often the minor key is described as sounding “sad”, but that’s not always the case. This is a great example).

The harp melody is repetitive, giving a sense of persistence, this adds to the sense of unease. It also has elements of hip-hop, as a gentle beat comes in as the chorus starts.

Chorus 1:

Now the harp cuts out and you’ve got that synth bass-line coming in- the repetitive, insistent beats and this “four-on-the-floor” drum pattern where the bass drum (which sits on the floor) kicks on every beat (in a four-beat bar). This feeling of it almost pounding in your head on every thump.

The instrumentation is very stark, you’ve just got the vocalist, the bass, and the bass drum. This technique is used by Taylor Swift in both the songs “Look What You Made Me Do” and “Vigilante Shit”- this really makes you listen to the lyrics as there’s nothing distracting you. As this is the first time we’re hearing these words, it draws you into what he’s saying.

On the line “Wouldn’t you like to have some of the magic?”, the Lyre comes in, playing this repetitive line that goes up and down and up and down. It’s a repetitive, almost hypnotic sound.

Verse 2 (“She can turn you to an animal”… etc.):

This is when this bluesy piano comes in.

The piano is used a lot in different points of Epic- it’s an essential part of any musical orchestra pit or just a song in general, and crucial in every composers instrumentation arsenal (and was also the first instrument I ever learned to play and my first real taste of music, so it’s not like I’m biased or anything)- but it’s mostly associated with Athena as it’s her signature instrument. It’s a stretch, but my interpretation is that Hermes is trying to appeal to something familiar to Odysseus. So far the only God he’s interacted with at length is Athena, who taught him this idea of being strategic and tactical. Hermes is acknowledging that this is Odysseus’ main way of fighting, while also showing him that there could be something more to it.

The piano plays these low-octave chords in this syncopated rhythm, which adds a layer of intensity that you didn’t have in verse one. This continues into the second chorus.

Chorus 2:

The orchestration is much more intense, pulling the audience (and Odysseus) in.

I’m gonna talk a lot about the musical “language” that Jorge has established for the universe- bits of music theory he’s tied in with themes that don’t necessarily have the same connotations anywhere else, because I think it’s genius.

Jay has said that the mythical beings (Gods, monsters, Odysseus when he kills the suitors) are all able to summon non-diagetic backing vocalists to back them up. Interestingly, Hermes doesn’t use this the first time round, speaking to Ody on his level, and is now rising up and displaying the power he’s tempting him with.

This is when we first hear the backing vocalists. There’s now a group of voices, so there’s more people urging you to taste the flower. Musically speaking, the harmony moving in the same rhythm with the same words as the soloist creates a sense of movement, congruent with Ody’s temptation.

Here is where we get to how this harmony works. This is the section that will actually answer your question.

First of all, I also struggle with overstimulation so I totally get what you’re talking about. There’s a right way and a wrong way to do backing vocals, and I know from experience that writing harmonies as complex as this takes skill and practice.

I think that’s why music is so special to me. The sensory calm certain sounds and songs give me, the good kind of stimulation and the bad kind. It has always made me so curious as to why and how the choices made in music can impact a person psychologically, make the listener feel immersed in a story, inflict specific emotions.

This is what fascinates me about music theory. Yes, it should overwhelm you. Yes, it should sound wrong. But it doesn’t. It WORKS. And what’s so interesting to me is why.

Jorge describes it as “crunchy and punchy” which is honestly perfect.

He is of course, referring to dissonance.

I have been studying music most of my life, and pretty much every music teacher I’ve ever had describes dissonance as just “sounding smushy”. It’s actually “a lack of harmony among musical notes”, usually two notes next to each other played at the same time.

But why does this sound “crunchy” and not “smushy”?

The Melody remains modal, as it has done the entire song. This is our grounding, our “Home”, but the harmony does something different. It’s moving down and up, flowing like wind, like the sea. And it’s doing this chromatically- using notes from the G minor key instead of the Aeolian mode- which creates clashes. Also known as dissonance. Also known as “smushy”.

And this is where we break out the good ol’ notation! I transcribed this myself by ear, so it might not be perfect. I can sight read tablature but not sheet music, so if this is wildly off then I’m sorry. I find it easier to explain music through annotations, but in order to make this screenreader accessible, I’m just gonna cite the lyrics and explain it in the text underneath.

In this section, “Wouldn’t you like to have some of the magic? Wouldn’t you like your outcome preferred?” The melody pretty much remains on C this whole time, only changing at the end of each two-bar phrase. This gives a forceful, repetitive, driving feeling. Hermes is being very persistent here.

For the first two-bar phrase- “Wouldn’t you like to have some of the magic”- both harmonies are the same. They then split at “Wouldn’t you like your outcome preferred?”

“Wouldn’t you”- The harmony starts on G, which is the root of G minor (the key that we are in). This is diatonic (using the notes from the key)- so it sounds nice, not “smushy”.

“Like to”- We then go down to F sharp, which is dissonant to the Aeolian mode, even though it’s the major 7th of G minor. This is why it sounds “smushy”

“Have some of the”- And here is where the “crunchiness” kicks in. It’s resolving down to the flattened 7th, which is F natural. The flattened 7th is the modal note.

“Magic”- The first two-bar phrase ends in E natural, which is dissonant to the mode. The melody also ends in D, which provides a lot of dissonance with the E as they are right next to each other, which can create clashes.

“Wouldn’t you”- This is where the two harmonies split. Harmony 1 goes back to G, which is the root of the mode. Harmony 2 goes down to E flat, which is also consonant (not dissonant).

“Like your”- Harmony 2 goes down to D, which is dissonant with the note in the melody (C) because they are next to each other. Harmony 1 goes to F sharp, which is dissonant to the Aeolian mode, as said before.

“Outcome”- Harmony 1 resolves to an F, and Harmony 2 goes back to an E flat.

“Preferred”- The last two notes “smush” as F natural (Harmony 1) and E natural (Harmony 2) are a semitone apart, then both harmonies join at E natural, which clashes with the D in the melody.

So the pattern goes from “nice” to “smush” to “nice” to “smush” to “nice” to “smush” to “nice” to “even more smush” and then when the next part of the harmony starts “deep in the night” you resolve back to the G, which is the tonic note.

Why does the dissonance work in this song?

It’s passing. Going down by step and resolving to a modal note. Passing notes that resolve don’t have that smushyness. They crunch.

Dissonance is a funny thing. Often musicians stay away from it because it sounds muddy and awkward and not great, but it can at times sound quite sweet, and with skill and knowledge you can learn how to use it effectively.

It also works here because it fits with the aesthetic and Hermes’ character. We’re already in this spooky, mysterious mode. We’re in a minor key. And Jay is using all these other musical techniques to give a slightly uneasy, hypnotic feel. The dissonance feels strange- not the sweet, diatonic harmonies we’re used to hearing. This is what makes this song stand out, and what makes Hermes such an intriguing and appealing character.

There’s this “up and down” melodic pattern that occurs throughout the song in several places. While Harmony 2 is doing that, Harmony 1 is just going down, repeatedly. I find it interesting that Odysseus isn’t rising to this power, but falling to it. It hints at Hermes’ trickster nature. These musical motifs (harmony, the harpline, the synthline, etc.) go up and down and up and down and up and down like gentle waves. We’re on the ocean. It’s lulling, compelling, hypnotic. “Come hither” whispering in the ear. It’s creepy, to be honest, and shows a darker side of the song that I will talk about later.

Bridge (“Here in the root of this flower”…etc):

Jorge has talked about how this is one of his favourite bits to sing, and musically that makes perfect sense.

Firstly, you’ve gotta hand it to Troy Doherty’s amazing performance. Hermes is so expressive even without seeing him.

Quick note about vocal techniques- YOU CAN HEAR SMILES. The act of smiling changes the shape of your mouth and thus changes the quality of your voice. You can HEAR Troy break out into a smile on the line “Though it’s only for a moment, ‘til you’ve beaten your opponent”. This is also my theory as to why the line “Penelope Whyyyy, you know I’m too shyy” is so stuck in everyone’s mind. Try singing it without smiling and then try singing it while smiling. Do you think it would’ve been that catchy if Jay wasn’t such a cutie pie?

Smiling is contagious, even if you’re only subconsciously noticing it. Hearing a smile gives you that little hit of dopamine.

When we hit the bridge, the piano, bass, and backing vocals cut out. Again, it’s just drums, harp, and lead vocals. This signifies a new section of music and also does the same trick as before- drawing you into the vocalist- but this time making you focus on the melody instead of the lyrics.

This whole bit is solely in Aeolian mode. The downward motion of the bridge increases the intensity of the song, dragging you into his words, falling into the power of the root. It’s sort of a callback to the downward motion to the second harmony line.

The constant quaver rhythm of this rising and falling conjunct “stepwise” melody gives a spiralling feeling, leading downwards. The rhythm is almost conversational, which fits with a mode like Aeolian that flows like the wind. It’s also why it’s so catchy and fun to sing. I love how Jorge composes in this uncommon scale in this particular pattern to reflect this idea.

There’s also one particular detail about the rhythm of this riff that compositionally shows something even deeper:

THIS IS IN TRIPLETS.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT TRIPLETS SYMBOLISE IN EPIC???

RUTHLESSNESS.

Ruthlessness is usually a theme reserved for Poseidon, Act 1 Athena, and Act 2 Odysseus. You wouldn’t expect a “friendly” God like Hermes to be using it. But he is. He’s being persistent, constant. He is trying every trick in his bag to persuade Ody to take the flower.

Jay is VERY deliberate about his arrangements and his composition, so this is not a coincidence. He has established this “language” of musical voices, rhythmical voices, and motivic voices to symbolise all his characters and themes. It’s fascinating to me that he made this choice for Hermes. Ever so subtly hinting that the God might not be as benevolent as he seems.

Chorus 3:

The instrumentation of this new chorus is pretty similar to Chorus 2, except…

These DRUMS.

I asked my dad about these while I was staying with my parents over the Xmas holidays, and it resulted in a 5-minuite-long infodump about a specific type of drum used in 80s pop music (yeah I totally definitely don’t see the family resemblance at all /sarcasm). Any Brit in the audience might recognise this drum sound as sounding almost identical the intro to a show called East Enders (which I never watched, but was aware of) and idk if that was Jay’s intention, but the drums apparently have a long and complicated history, which I will give you the abbreviated version. (If this is too much information you can skip the next paragraph if you so wish, I realise this can be overwhelming)

Bass drum called the Simmons’ drum- electronic drum pad- famous for being hexagonal- they were radical in that they gave an electronic palette to modern dummers- they weren’t well-built and the very earliest ones were made from the same composite materials as police riot gear- caused repetitive strain injury that became known by session drummers as “Simmon’s wrist” because it was a bit like using your drumsticks on concrete (What’s that? You don’t think music is as intense as sport? Musicians get injured just as much as footballers do)- the sound is one of the most distinctive sounds in 80s music and entirely synthetic, generated through synthesis so some poor technician had to sit and programme a synthesiser to sound like a tom-tom- in the 90s and early 00s it was seen as cheap and over-the-top but is now looked on with a sense of love and nostalgia.

This is, of course, a sample of the Simmon’s drum as I doubt Jorge owns a real one.

So what does that do for Hermes? It grounds the song it its 80s retro aesthetic, creating Hermes’ unique stylistic voice. Jorge has described how he got the idea for Hermes’ sound when he saw a retro, multi-coloured lamp that made him think of 80s music. Each character in Epic has their own soundscape, and this very particular drum sound adds to it.

It also adds intensity to this final chorus. These loud, heavy drum sounds give that adrenaline rush that the previous verses and choruses have been building to, when Odysseus finally takes the flower.

Then we get Odysseus singing the “oOOOooOoOOhHHHhs” as he eats the holy moly, then the chorus ends, and we get a repeat of the harpline from the intro as he thanks Hermes for the help.

My conclusion:

Odysseus has made a Faustian pact with Hermes, the trickster god. While Hermes’s words are friendly with no ill-intent, the composition and orchestration lean more towards this idea of “making a deal with the devil”. Gods know the game, and how it’s played. You, mere mortal, do not. When they entreat mortals to do their bidding will offer riches, money, fame, success, magic, power, but very rarely are their motives sound.

This is Odysseus’ first taste of the magic that separates gods and monsters from mortals. He is able to fight Circe as an equal, and this new development teaches him that he doesn’t always have to be strategic and diplomatic, but ruthless and relentless as well.

I know that the fandom see Troy Doherty’s performance of Hermes as “omg babygirl so slayyyy!!!” But there’s actually a deeper level to what he’s doing here. He’s a trickster God, tempting and teasing Odysseus down a path of magic and power- giving him the first taste of something that will later drive him into becoming the Monster. Hermes is almost seducing him to the dark side, using rhetorical questions, waving the Holy Moly in front of his face and saying “Come on. You know you want it. Wouldn’t you like a taste of the power? Wouldn’t you like to be victorious for once?” In his lyrics describing a “taste” of the power being something almost like a temptation. Odysseus is breaking from his norm- using magic and might instead of logic, diplomacy and reasoning. While he’s doing it to save his men, this is a major step in his descent into monsterhood, and it’s fascinating how Jay does this not only lyrically, but musically as well, using what’s called “word painting” (music and words working together) to create the sense of hypnotism and manipulation.

Hermes is being:

Ruthless (triplets),

Ceaseless (repetition),

Persuasive (rhetorical questions),

And hypnotic (lilting, lulling melody).

He’s drawing you in, forcing you to listen to him (stark instrumentation focusing on the vocals, then increasing the instrumentation as the intensity progressively increases, culminating in this big, expressive final chorus with this pwerful drum sound)

Overall Jorge uses all these techniques to show Hermes manipulating Odysseus into taking the flower. By subconsciously making you feel the temptation that Ody- the Narrator- is feeling through music and orchestration.

So anyway, those are my thoughts on “Wouldn’t you like”. I didn’t even have time to talk about “Dangerous”- perhaps I’ll make a separate post about that but no promises. Thank you so much for reading if you made it to the end!

[valyrfia]

I get your concern but ignoring it is the best solution, there's no need to panic at the second your ears hear the word lestappen coming from them. First of all lestappen is not gonna have a "fallout" because they're not friends to begin with so what fallout exactly can they have lol, they already knew the existence of the word lestappen because it's been there for years, and the RBR account for sure makes use of it. And also, didn't Max received an MTV couple award with Checo a few months ago and the sky remained the same? Cant get weirder than that. Or it can idk, I feel like an scenario where any ship name remains in only one single space it's not only impossible, but it's never going to happen, in an ideal word sure, it would be just a dirty secret that no one knows about but stressing out about it it's gonna only be bad for y'all.. But also, if his friend made that comment and pisses Max off very much, or makes him feel weird I'm sure he's gonna be like "don't ever do that again" or something. For what I've seen everyone had your reaction in the chat so I'm sure they got the message that it's a forbidden word

These two back to back in my inbox are first of all. A LITTLE funny.

Secondly, to the first anon, it’s hardly Max and Charles I really worry about, it’s how people can forget themselves when they think that rpf is suddenly “mainstream”. It’s usually a tiny tiny majority who ruin it for the rest of us but do forgive those of us who were around for great rpf fallouts for being a little paranoid. Second anon, you and I are of the same opinion. RPF is fun when it’s contained but when people start to bring explicit RPF content to more public platforms (and ironically, it’s usually content that’s the original author has published on a closed platform, ie. tumblr or ao3). Class A disaster is the jumpy paranoid side of both of us talking but I unfortunately agree.

Also I think it’s good to remind everyone generally. RPF is a weird thing, it’s inherently weird. These are not fictional characters, we’re superimposing our narratives on top of real people’s lives while they’re still around to see it. We all love it and partake in it, but it’s not something that would constitute casual conversation or would be talked about walking down the street. RPF is super fun but be aware it cannot function like a normal fictional ship because these are not fictional characters.

Chestappen vs. Lestappen is a weird one because Chestappen can be waved off as a joke a lot easier (teammates = marriage) and also I get the feeling that it is generally a lot more of a joke. Unfortunately when I see Lestappen stuff not on here or ao3 it seems a lot less jokey. People also seem comfier discussing fic (?!) on tiktok and twitter with Lestappen, which to me IS a cardinal sin. I think a lot of people misunderstand me when I say don’t talk about RPF outside of designated spaces, I’m not saying the shipname is a dirty word that must NEVER be used, or that those who make fun edits on tiktok are evil and should die. I simply mean, people need to not be letting on that there’s anything deeper to the ship aside from a joke. I’ve seen a lot of people scoffing at me and people who have adopted a similar hard stance as me and all I have to say is: humour us because we’ve probably got very good reasons to be wary.

[boba-beom]

a real update — semi hiatus announcement and life update.

as you all know–and have seen–that I’ve been on here just posting random things here and there, I’ve not been in the best mentality to write, and I hardly interact because I already feel so distant to my moots and everyone in general.

tw! personal issues, thoughts of 💀 myself, mental health in general

the past year has been rough on me in terms of family situations and although I have been using tumblr as an outlet for me to distract myself through the past few months, I have been trying to communicate better with my family members and resolve issues that’s preventing us from being a somewhat functional family. because everything has been so unhealthy and I fear it’s affecting me to the point I genuinely need help. I’ve had more occasions, recently than ever, where I’ve thought of what would happen if I disappeared for a day? maybe more? would people be happier that way? would they even realise? and when I felt like almost acting upon those thoughts I’d sob and think rationally about everything. I care about everyone too much to do anything to harm myself, and I want to find help.

just recently I’ve found out that I’ve been too honest and comfortable with people I thought were doing the same, only to figure out that it’s not like that at all. that people I deemed trusted me, would actually stab me in the back. and yet I still decide to be open and honest with them because I thought eventually they would do the same. I guess I’m just too hopeful for my own good.

for the longest time I’ve been looking for a job, and for the longest time I’ve been wanting to see a doctor or go to therapy. but again, that requires money— anyway, I’m sharing this because I feel like I need to be honest. I’m not purposely ignoring anyone when I’m tagged in works, or when I receive asks, but also because things irl have been problematic that I just don’t have time to sit and write.

and as much as I have been trying to write when I can, it’s just slower than I anticipated. like I’m incredibly excited to share what I’ve been working on, but I feel like the time is never right. I will not be active or hardly on tumblr for the unforeseeable future. I am on discord if anyone really wants to talk to me, but I’ve deactivated my socials to give myself some time to focus on myself. I fear that if I continue with this mentality I am not as genuine as I want to be.

now, I didn’t write up this for a sob story, or for pity or attention, but just I hope anyone reading this takes care of themselves always. your mental health is important and finding help the best way you can is the best choice. I need to find like alternatives to therapy where it’s affordable too, even online or something. but yeah, that’s all I’ve wanted to say.

tl;dr : I will be taking a break for the unforeseeable future while I work on personal matters

Take care and please don’t forget me!

- Smiles ᡣ𐭩

[justagalwhowrites]

Lavender - Ch. 26

A trip outside the QZ turns dangerous. A continuation of Lavender Ch. 1-25 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Injuries from canon-typical violence. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI, 18+ only.

Length: 5.2k

Tuesday, June 6, 2023 - Two Years Later

“I’m not doing this with you again, Joel,” Tess snapped, staring him down from across the table. “I’m not letting your obsession…” 

“It’s not fucking safe, Tess,” he cut her off. “When was the last time we went out and didn’t run into raiders? Last two months have been especially bad…” 

“You think it’s safe for you and me but not safe for her?” She demanded.

“No, it’s not safe for anyone,” he snapped back. “But you I trust to actually kill someone, you can take care of yourself. Who knows what the fuck she would do if she gets picked up by fuckin’ raiders…” 

“Who knows what you would do if she gets picked up by fucking raiders, that’s what you mean,” she knocked back the rest of her drink. “I’m done with this shit, I’m done with your paranoia around Doc dictating our goddamn operation…” 

“When have I ever dictated a damn thing about our operation?” His jaw clenched. 

“How about when you told your brother, our partner, to leave town without consulting me because she got hurt?” She said. “Or when you killed not one but fucking two FEDRA guards in the QZ because you saw them as a threat…” 

“They were a fucking threat!” 

“Not to mention the time you made the call to leave me in the QZ when you took her outside the first time,” she snapped. “Even though you knew you’re a goddamn liability where she’s concerned! You need to get over this woman who you’ve had nothing to do with in damn near 15 years, Joel! She’s done with you, you need to be done with her. Fucking leave it.”

She went to leave but he followed her. 

“You take her out there and I’m not goin’,” he said. “End of story.” 

“Tell me what the fuck it is you want, Joel!” She yelled. “Because it sure seems like you don’t want to be anything to anyone. You didn’t want anything with me! It sure seemed like you could have had whatever you wanted with her and you didn’t take it and now you’re doing this and I don’t fucking understand you! Do you really think she’s just going to accept us not bringing her out anymore? That she’ll just listen to whatever the hell it is you tell her? Because you’ve got a funny taste in women if that’s what you’re after…” 

“She isn’t one of us, she doesn’t have to know when we go out!” He yelled. “No one says we have to involve her in shit, Tess…” 

“And when she asks?” She demanded. “When we need more medical gear?” 

“We bring Andrew out,” he said. Tess stood there for a moment, just blinking at him. “He talked to me few weeks back. Wanted me to consider bringing him instead of her, he’s worried too. He’s heard shit from other smugglers and guards about what it’s like out there. He’ll go, she’ll still get what she’s after and he will actually fucking look out for himself. Besides, the chances of raiders trying to grab him are a whole hell of a lot lower than with her.” 

“His wife know about this plan?” Tess asked, a bit calmer now. 

Joel shrugged. 

“Not my business.” 

She looked at him, shaking her head. 

“You better pray nothing happens to him,” she said. “Because if it does and she finds out it was your doing…” 

Joel shrugged again. 

“Long as she’s alive to hate me?” He said. “I don’t give a shit.” 

Tess sighed. 

“Fine,” she said, resigned. “Talk to Andrew. Tell Doc, don’t tell Doc, whatever. I’m done trying to make sense of your shit with her.” 

She stalked toward the door. 

“Going to the Speakeasy,” she said. “Appreciate it if you didn’t join.” 

Joel sighed. He could hardly blame Tess, not when she was right. He poured himself more whiskey. He’d never been able to find a balance he felt like he could survive with you. There was so close that it felt like he was on the edge of a cliff and gravity was winning. The feeling that he was inches from destruction. But then there was so far that felt like he was stretching and reaching, part of him always trying to get to you. It didn’t matter what else it strained, what else it hurt, there was the constant pull toward you. There was no middle ground. There was either too close or not close enough. 

He went to the clinic when he knew you’d be at school but Andrew still greeted him with a “She’s not here.” 

“That’s the point,” Joel said. “Here for you. Rather she not know. Have a minute?” 

Andrew flagged down a woman to watch the desk and led Joel outside the clinic. 

“Next run, I’m not takin’ her,” he said. “Still interested?” 

“Why the change?” Andrew frowned. “You weren’t going for that before.” 

“Raiders are getting bad,” he replied. “You and me they’d just kill. Her…” 

Andrew nodded. 

“Can’t tell her,” Joel said. “Not until we’re back, she’ll try to stop you going.” 

“Trust me, I know,” Andrew said. “Luckily, Doc is Doc and she keeps a thorough log of what meds she’s after and what’s she’s used. I won’t need to ask her for shit.” 

“We’re heading out this weekend,” Joel said. “It’ll be a few days. Make sure your wife’s on board.” 

He just nodded and Joel was thankful, once again, that you had a friend like Andrew. 

***

“Doc,” Ellie sighed dramatically, drawing the word out as she trudged into your classroom and flopped into a desk, putting her head down. “I’m so freakin’ bored.” 

“Hi, Ellie, I’m doing well, thank you for asking,” you smiled. “How are you?” 

She raised her head enough to glare at you before putting it back down. 

“If all I’m going to do is go shoot infected for FEDRA why do I have to know about verbs?” She asked. 

“Because everyone needs to know about verbs,” you replied. “Can’t read or speak without them.” 

“Can they make them less boring at least?” She lifted her head again. “Because right now they feel stupid as fu… something stupid.” 

“Want something not boring?” You asked. Her head shot up. You smiled conspiratorially. “I got you stuff.” 

“Oh fuck yes!” She winced. “Sorry. Heck yes?” 

You just laughed and went into your school bag, pulling out photo copies of books that were in libraries of other schools that Derek got you into when he’d go teach his photography course. Ellie came and stood in front of your desk, leaning over to see what you were grabbing. 

“Got this whole thing on black holes,” you said, handing her a packet. “This one on a probe that is still probably flying through space and should be past Pluto by now.” You gave her another packet. “And then this on roller coasters.” You gave her a magazine. 

“Hell yeah!” 

You gave her a look.

“What? I said hell,” she said. “That one doesn’t even count.” 

“Go sit in your corner you gremlin,” you rolled your eyes but smiled anyway. 

“Gladly,” she smiled, chin tilted up, and took her bundle of pages over to the beanbags. She started with the roller coasters as you put on a tape and started grading tests. 

“Hey Doc?” She said after a few minutes. 

“Hm?” 

“Did you ride roller coasters?” She asked. “Was that like… a thing everyone did or was it kind of special?” 

“Well,” you shrugged. “It kind of depended. Most people did at least once but it was still kind of special. There weren’t roller coasters near where I lived as a kid and my grandma didn’t have much money but I went to a theme park with a friend once when I was about your age. And a few times with a friend and his daughter when I was in college. I rode some roller coasters then. They were pretty fun but most of the time when you went to theme parks, you spent a lot of time waiting in line.” 

“Ew,” she crinkled her nose and went back to reading. 

“Hey Doc,” Riley trudged in. 

“Hi Riley,” you said, holding out the book she’d been reading when she came to sit with Ellie. She took it and went and plopped on the other beanbag chair. “Rough day?” 

She just grunted. 

“I’m here if you want to talk,” you said, going back to grading. 

You weren’t surprised when she didn’t take you up on it. Ellie was far more likely to talk to you than her older counterpart. She’d come to your classroom almost every weekday for the past two years. For a while, she was pretty quiet. She’d bring in her reading or take from the shelf and go sit in the corner. You didn’t press her. A few months in, she’d do more than ask you questions about her reading. She talked about her classmates, the issues with FEDRA teachers and administration, about the comic books she liked. You’d started looking for the series she mentioned when you went to the underground markets or were outside the QZ as well as books about space. She’d quickly become a bright spot in your day. 

Riley, on the other hand, had become more withdrawn the last few months. She’d never opened up to you the way Ellie had, but she seemed to like you better than her other teachers and she always put in an effort in class. But lately, she’d been tired, preoccupied. You’d tried talking to her but hadn’t gotten very far - something made all the more frustrating by the fact that you were pretty sure there was no one else at the school checking in with her. She was at risk of falling through the cracks of the system and you weren’t sure you were enough of a net to catch her. 

Derek was always trying to tell you that you couldn’t save everyone and, consciously, you knew he was right. But that didn’t stop you from trying. 

It’s part of why you’d pressed so hard working on your cordyceps treatment theory. It took years - literal years - of working with samples and trying different formulations but, earlier in the year you’d found something that actually seemed to work. The right chemical combination delivered in the right way and the samples didn’t grow. They stayed in the tissue where they’d been implanted, not stretching beyond it. 

“Do you know what this means?” You asked Elias, all but shoving your notes into his hands. “We could make it so a bite isn’t a death sentence. It’s not going to cure anybody but it can make it so people can leave the QZ, go near infected to wipe them out without needing to worry as much… I mean it still needs trials but…” 

“It’s a great idea,” he said, sounding exhausted. “But do you really think we’ll be able to get the powers that be to divert manufacturing to synthesize it? Let alone the process it will take to make the factories to produce the stuff?” 

“Elias, we’re talking about something that can start getting the world back,” you looked at him, baffled. 

“I know,” he clapped a hand on your shoulder. “And I’m telling you that I don’t know that there is a world to get back.” 

You just stared at him for a moment in disbelief. 

“I’ll run it up the chain,” he said. “But… I’m not optimistic.” 

He walked away, leaving you alone with your notes in your hands. 

So you did the next best thing you could think of. You found Marlene. 

“This is…” she looked through your pages. “I mean, I don’t know shit about the science of it but your tests…” 

“They’re not tests on living subjects,” you hedged. “I mean, in the before times we’d be years out from human trials but give that the bitten are pretty much dead men walking, if we can equip people going outside the walls with this stuff we can always just see if it works when the inevitable happens… It’s not a cure and it’s by no means a sure thing but it’s a start.” 

“I’ll take a start.” 

You weren’t able to get anything more out of Riley before the weekend and Andrew was out at work on Saturday, which made you oddly nervous. Marta said Jess said he was sick but something felt off. He’d been fine on Friday… 

Derek was convinced you were being paranoid but you still woke up feeling uneasy on Monday. 

Riley missed class entirely that day. Ellie looked particularly downtrodden at lunch but didn’t say much. When you asked if something was wrong, she just shrugged, looking distracted. 

Andrew was still missing when you got to work. 

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Derek said when he came to meet you that evening. “He probably just has the flu or something. I’m sure Jess would have gotten you if it were anything serious…” 

“You’re right,” you sighed. “I know you’re right. I just… something doesn’t feel right.” 

It set your teeth on edge. You couldn’t sit still, tapping your pen on charts when you had a patient, the front desk when you didn’t. 

“Can you not hover?” Marta asked. “I’m not Andrew, for me it’s just weird.” 

“Sorry,” you sighed when the front door of the clinic flew open and Tess and Joel came running in, all but dragging Andrew between them. 

Your eyes went wide. Andrew was covered in blood, his head hanging limp. You screamed for help as you ran for him. 

“What happened?” You frantically pulled at his clothes, trying to get to his skin. His face was pale and his eyes were closed. You looked back over your shoulder. No one else was coming yet. “Help me!” 

“We were almost back,” Tess said quickly. “Raiders came out of fucking nowhere, Andrew was in back…” 

You got the bloody shirt raised enough to see the bullet holes. You scrambled to stem the bleeding as Kristen and Lee came up from the back. You kept your hands on Andrew’s stomach, your skin turning red with his blood, trying desperately to hold him together. They started trying to move him and you moved with them, hands still on him, until someone held you back. 

“You can’t help him,” Marta’s voice was thick, wet. “You can’t do it, it has to be someone else…” 

“I can…” you reached for the doors but she held you in place. 

“You can’t,” she said. “You’re too close, you can’t.” 

You weren’t sure when you’d started sobbing but your face was wet and your vision was blurry and you were too covered in blood to do anything about it. You turned to Joel and Tess. 

“Why was he out there?” You asked. Tess looked at Joel. You raised your voice. “Why was he out there!” 

Tess looked at Joel again. He just stared at the ground. 

It was like something in you snapped. Everything you’d tied up in him for decades, everything you’d felt, everything you’d longed for, everything you’d imagined existed for yourself in another time and place and world with Joel at core of it. It broke open, spilling out of you in a rush. 

You shoved him. He didn’t move to stop you. 

“It’s you, it’s always fucking you!” You pushed him again. “Decided you were done seeing me so you dragged him into it!” You threw your entire body weight at him. He caught you and held onto you until you forced him back. “I can count on one FUCKING HAND the number of people on this planet who are happy I exist and you had to take him? You hate me that fucking much?” 

Joel’s eyes finally left the ground and met yours. He was was in so much pain you could almost feel it. You stopped pushing him. His shirt was covered in your bloody handprints. 

“He has a wife! He has kids! He fucking matters to people and you dragged him into this?” You were panting for breath, still crying. You didn’t think you could stop crying if you tried. “I’ve spent half my life in love with you, Joel, half my fucking life begging to matter to you and instead you just…” A sob choked you for a moment. “I wish I’d never fucking met you. I wish you never touched me. I wish you never called me that night I wish you never came to fucking Boston I wish you just got the fuck out of my life and left me alone!” 

You went to shove him again but arms appeared behind you and Derek pulled you back into his chest, holding you in place. 

“I hate you!” You snarled it at him. “I wish it had been you, it should have been fucking you!” 

He just stood there, staring at you for a moment as Derek held you tightly to him, before Joel turned and left. After a moment, Derek’s grip on you loosened. Your head spun. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Tess was staring at you. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about…” 

“Fuck off, Tess,” you snapped. “You could have put a stop to it, you could have just not let him come…” 

“Not Andrew,” she shook her head, stepping close to you. “Joel. How dare you. The shit he’s done for you, the shit he’s gone through for you…” 

“For me?” You snapped. “No, it had nothing to do with me! It’s always been about him, Tess, and you’re a fucking idiot if you don’t see that.” 

“You could have walked away at anytime,” she all but snarled at you. “You could have actually stayed away from him, told him no when he fucking caved and you never did, you never fucking did…” 

“You think it’s my fault?” You snapped. “All his shit…” 

“You could have left him with me!” She yelled. She took a second to calm down. “You could have left him with me and you fucking didn’t. You just hung on…” 

“Of course I did,” you said, quieter now, too. “I didn’t have a choice.” 

She looked at you, the side of her shirt wet with Andrew’s blood. 

“I’ll go tell his wife,” she said. “I hope he makes it.” 

You felt unsteady on your feet and Derek’s arms went around you guiding you to a seat in the empty waiting room. You looked down at your hands, splotched with drying blood. Andrew’s blood. You stared at the wall. 

Jess came in. You weren’t sure how much time had passed but she was frantic. You stood up and she grabbed you, choking on her tears. You held her loosely, still in a daze, and she sat beside you, holding your bloody hand. Derek’s hand was on your back. You stared at the wall. You weren’t sure if you were really blinking. You weren’t sure time was passing. You weren’t sure how long you sat there. The blood on your shirt hardened as it dried. Jess’ hand stayed firmly in your own. 

Lee came out from the back and you and Jess jumped to your feet, hands still clasped tight. 

“It was close,” he said. “But he pulled through.” 

You didn’t really hear anything else Lee said after that. He let you back to see him and he was just coming around when you did, his eyes heavy and voice groggy. 

“What happened?” He managed after Jess had fawned over him for a minute.

“You were a dumbass who went outside the QZ,” you tried to sound upset about it but you were too happy to see him alive. “What were you thinking?” 

“Wanted to be the cool one for a change,” he smiled a little at you. You just rolled your eyes. 

“I’ll give you two a minute,” you leaned over and kissed his forehead. “But I swear to God Andrew you pull that shit on me again…” 

“I know, I know,” he said. “You’re the cool one and you’ll kill me to keep the title.” 

You went back to the waiting room. The clinic was closed but it was shortly before curfew and Derek was standing near the door. 

“Hey,” you sighed, coming over and pressing your forehead into his chest, expecting his arms to go around you. They didn’t. 

“He looking OK?” He asked. His voice was distant. You frowned. 

“Yeah,” you pulled back from him. “Everything OK?” 

He laughed darkly. 

“No, no I can’t say everything’s OK,” he shook his head. Your frown deepened. “Is Joel the reason you wouldn’t move in with me?” 

You froze. You had been so mad at Joel you’d forgotten that Derek was even there. Derek, who you’d never told about Joel. 

He pressed on. 

“Is Joel the reason that, when I asked if you thought about children, you said no?” He asked. “Jesus Christ, we’ve been together for almost seven years and you never thought to tell me you were in love with another man? A man you were regularly leaving the QZ with?” 

“Derek…” 

“Did you ever love me at all?” He looked like he was on the verge of tears. “Fuck, I tried to build a life with you!” 

“Of course I love you…” You were crying again. You weren’t quite sure when you started. “I just… It’s different and… Nothing happened with him, it’s been years, it’s been so long and…” 

“But you still loved him,” he said. “Right? You were still in love with him the whole time you were with me, right?” 

You didn’t say anything. You just tried to keep from sobbing. 

“That’s what I thought,” he ran a hand through his hair, turning away from you. “Fuck!” 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you I just…” 

“You just what?” He asked turning back to you. “You just thought you’d lie to me forever?” 

“I just thought I could love you,” you said. “I do love you, it’s just not the same as him but I thought… I thought it could be. That if I ever could with anyone it would be with you because I do love you, I want to love you that way, I want a life with you…” 

“Wanting it just isn’t enough,” he shook his head, a look of sad disbelief still on his face. “Especially not after you lied to me for half a goddamn decade. It’s just not enough.” 

“Derek…” 

“I’m sorry,” he shook his head. “I can’t do this, not with you. I hope you get what you want someday, I really do. But I can’t do this.” 

He left and you stared out the front door, into the darkness, for a while. You weren’t sure how long. Eventually, you walked in a daze to Andrew’s room. Jessica had her head down on one side of his bed, his hand on her head. You pulled up a chair to the other side of him. 

“Hey,” he whispered. 

“Hey,” you managed a smile. 

“20 years later and we’re still the codependency crew,” he smiled back. 

“Yeah,” you sat down and put your head down beside him. “We are.” 

Tuesday, August 15, 2023 

“You know you don’t need to keep coming over, right?” Andrew asked, smiling down at you from the couch, his head propped on his fist. “Don’t need as much help now…” 

“Who said I was coming over for your benefit?” You scoffed. You were lying on your back, baby Jonah - named for Andrew’s father - on your chest. He was big enough that he was just starting to run and it seemed like he wanted to do that and nothing else. You swooped the toddler toward your face and blew a raspberry on both cheeks before lifting him straight up overhead, making whooshing sounds. He giggled and clapped his chubby little hands. “I’m clearly just hanging out with my best friends.” 

Elizabeth came over and hung her head over your own, her curls bobbing as she cocked her head at you. 

“Auntie Doc,” she said, her voice very serious. “Did you know your teeth are bones?” “Are they really?” You said. “Thank you so much for telling me, that is very big news…” 

“We’re reading a book about the body,” Jess flopped on the couch beside her husband. “We learned about the skeleton today.” 

“OK sweetie, Auntie Doc’s arms are getting tired so you have to move so I can bring your brother in for a landing,” you said. Elizabeth scrunched her nose but obeyed, stepping to the side so you could bring Jonah back down to your chest. 

“Who needs the gym when you have tiny humans to lift, hm?” You kept a hand on Jonah while reaching out to tickle Elizabeth, who shrieked and giddily fled toward the other side of the coffee table. 

“Alright tiny ones,” Andrew clapped his hands on his legs. “Bed time, let’s go.” 

He got up - slowly - off the couch and you lifted Jonah so he wouldn’t need to bend all the way down to reach him. Elizabeth whined all the way down the hall. You smiled. 

“I know a lot of it didn’t work out but damn,” Jess sighed. “You’d be such an amazing mom.” 

Your heart clenched at that. 

“Thanks,” you said quietly. 

“Are you planning to stay here again?” She asked. You lifted your head to look at her. 

“I feel like you’re asking me not to,” you smiled a little. 

“Not exactly,” she crinkled her nose. “But Andrew had his follow up today with Lee and…” she glanced down the hallway before lowering her voice. “I really want to f-u-c-k my husband now that he’s cleared for it which is a little tricky with you there.” You laughed. 

“I mean I guess if you want to have THAT kind of relationship with the guy,” you said dryly. 

She laughed, too. 

“Look, I’m definitely not kicking you out,” she said. “Lord knows he probably cock blocked you enough through the years when I was outside the QZ for work. If you won’t be OK at home, stay here with us…” 

“No,” you sighed. “I need to get used to it.” 

You’d hardly been to your apartment since Andrew got hurt. You’d only slept there twice since outside a few naps here and there. Otherwise, you’d been at Andrew and Jess’ place. At first, it was to help with the kids. Or that was the excuse you told yourself, anyway. Andrew had barely even made it into the apartment after being released. He needed help doing everything for weeks and you wrangling the kids gave Jess the space she needed to take care of him. The clinic had all but removed you from the schedule while Andrew recovered, you coming by for a while on Saturday and Sunday but otherwise just teaching and helping them. You’d started going back for a few hours most days but you were still at Andrew and Jess’ place all the time otherwise. 

You knew your apartment was going to feel lonely. Not just because Derek was gone but because you’d smothered the loss with Elizabeth and Jonah and the feeling of being needed. It was time to get back to real life. 

“You’re sure?” She said. “Because I mean it, you can just move in if you want…” 

You laughed at that. 

“No,” you shook your head. “I’ll go home. It’ll be good for me, I need to start adjusting.” 

“Hey,” she said, making you look at her. “You know we love you right? Me, him, the kids? Because we do.” 

You smiled. 

“Love you too.” 

You were right, your apartment was lonely. The air was stale and everything had a fine layer of dust. You made a mental note to try to set aside time to clean the place the next day, it desperately needed some TLC. As you went to bed you sighed and opened the bedside table drawer. Below a few notebooks was the picture of you, Joel and Sarah. 

It hadn’t sat by your bedside in years now. You took it out sometimes to look at when you were home alone but it always went back in the drawer when you were done, tucked away. Your fingers traced the contours of their faces. You wondered what Sarah would look like now. She’d have been the same age Joel was when you first got together - a little older, actually. That was difficult to picture. 

It was hard to think of her in that way. She’d gotten stuck in time, forever nothing but potential. She hadn’t figured out what she wanted to be yet, so you had a hard time picturing her having a career - just images of her looking happy and successful. But you could picture her in a wedding dress, Joel walking her down the aisle with a proud smile on his face. Her cradling a tiny baby with his mother’s springy curls and his grandfather’s nose. Her giving advice to her little sister - now a teenager with long dark hair and her dad’s warm brown eyes - about how to survive college. 

It didn’t seem to matter how much Joel seemed to hate you, how much you desperately wished you could hate him, he’d been built into you somehow. You couldn’t shake him, no matter how hard you tried. 

You put the picture back in its spot beside your bed and tried to sleep, feeling more alone than you had since Joel left you before the outbreak. 

It wasn’t a deep sleep. When there was a quick, quiet knock at your door, you woke with a start. You frowned, glancing at the time. It was well after curfew. You got up and looked through the peephole and saw Ellie, huddled against your door. 

You fumbled with the locks, rushing to get the door open. She hadn’t been in class in a week, you’d asked several administrators where she was and no one would give you a straight answer. You’d gone by her room to check on her and she was nowhere to be found but she hadn’t taken much with her if she’d left. You were about to go to Elias and try to leverage what little FEDRA connections you had to see what records they had about where she’d gone, see if you could get to her. Riley had vanished, too, and you just prayed Ellie hadn't gone after her.

Instead, she’d shown up at your door. You’d given her your address and schedule months ago when she showed up in class with a black eye. 

“You ever feel unsafe,” you said. “Come to me. I will help you, I will drop whatever I’m doing and I will handle it, OK?” 

“OK,” she said. 

She hadn’t shown up with a black eye since. You hadn’t pressed. 

“Ellie,” you pulled her into your chest the second the door was open. Her eyes were teary. She looked exhausted. “Where have you been, what’s been going on? I’ve been asking administration where they sent you but…” 

“Doc,” she sniffed as she pulled back from you and held out her right arm. You gasped, your hand going to your mouth. There was a vicious bite there, the teethmarks deep in her flesh. “I’m in trouble.” 

A/N: AND WE'VE REACHED THE SHOW TIMELINE BUCKLE UP FOLKS!

Yes, everyone got super blown apart this chapter. That's the goal, they're at their most emotionally vulnerable just at the start of this big trip, it's going to be great and angsty and they're going to be forced to reckon with their shit because it's right at the surface heading into these extreme situations GET READY!

I have a taglist that I do my best to keep current, so if you'd like to be added please comment below!

Thank you so much for reading and interacting and getting into this story I decided to write one day. It means so much to me that you're invested in it and I love you all!

Taglist: @paleidiot @ayamenimthiriel @ginger-swag-rapunzel @drewharrisonwriter @flugazi @pedropascalsbbg @taoyuji @starstruckmusiciansartghost @splendsay @bigboiseason123 @jpbplvr @ashleyandring @mrsyixingunicorn10 @sloanexx @ninaminaromina @lady-bellyn @hufflepuffriver @sarap-77 @storyarcscribe @mellymbee @jasminedragoon @lemonmeli @reds-ramblings @arizonadaydreamer @mumma-moonchild @blackroseguzzi @candypeaches16 @kittenlittle24 @wrappedinfiction @oatmeaiboy

[regretsofaghost]

Day 28- My love for you is true, I swear it is, it just will kill you in the end

AO3 link to chapter 28- here Tumblr link to chapter 27- here Tumblr link to chapter 29- here

Word Count- 700 words

Things did not make sense.

But-

When had they ever, with Charles?

Who would choose to stay on Earth, stay in a world full of hurt and pain? Who would stay when the alternative was an eternity of tranquility? Who would choose to turn their back on tranquility, when their other option was to stay with a boy who had clawed his way out of Hell?

There was little Edwin trusted in this world.

He could- he would-

He would always trust Charles.

Perhaps more than he would ever trust himself.

Charles pulled back before Edwin could do anything more than gasp, his lips feeling swollen from how hard the other pressed against him.

Charles’ hands were the only things keeping him upright, his grip firm on Edwin’s arms.

How long had they kissed?

The creature-

“Edwin- we have to leave-“ the two boys jumped, Edwin froze again, when the demon-was it a demon, or closely related- behind Charles let out a ear-piercing screech-

Charles-

G-B-D-C-B

Edwin’s voice was strong, the blue light grew brighter, holding strong against the powerful swings of the Baby-Doll Demon’s massive arms.

It was not the real demon.

But that hardly mattered.

It was real enough to strike fear in Edwin’s heart, for the butterflies in his chest from Charles’ kiss flying away with the panic that washed over him. Like a bucket of liquid, soaking him to the bone.

Edwin tried to pull away, tried to focus back on the creature behind Charles-

He had to keep Charles safe, had to make sure Charles would never be hurt again-

“Edwin!” Charles let go of Edwin’s shirt to grasp at his face, calloused hands gentle, nearly caressing Edwin’s cheeks, holding his head in place, forcing their eyes to meet.

Charles’ soft eyes, warm and kind, what had Edwin done to ever deserve such devotion?

“I need you to trust me-“ Charles voice was loud, fast, panicked in a way that Edwin had rarely heard until recently, with Esther, Hell, the Night Nurse “- do you trust me?”

“Of course I do-”

How could he not?

Charles had pulled him out of Hell.

Had pulled him away from Niko’s body, away from Death’s arrival.

“Edwin?”

Niko?

“Ed-Edwin! Eyes on me!”

Edwin tried, oh how he tried, to pull away from Charles, to look, to see his friend-

Charles had pressed his lips against him again.

Grounding, distracting, from the floating, empty feeling that was beginning to bloom in his chest again.

Charles kept constant contact with him, hands, lips, arms, as he spun them around, so that Edwin’s back was to the creature, Charles facing it.

“Edwin, I need-“ Charles began, just barely pulling away, their breath mixing together, “I need you to, stop thinking-“

“What-?”

“Just- I think I know what it’s doing, but to check, I needed to, I’m really sorry-“

Through blurring feelings and confusing thoughts, Edwin thought he understood what Charles was saying.

The kiss was fake.

A necessary evil.

Charles could never love Edwin like that-

“I need, Edwin- Edwin, I need you to trust me here,” Charles’ voice sounded like it was coming from underwater, like they were speaking through a thick pane of glass. “I need you to listen to me, to focus on me,” Charles pulled away ever so slightly, oh, Edwin should put distance between them, should he not? “No, just. Watch me, focus on me-“

“I always do,” Edwin’s voice sounded oddly breathy, Charles’ hands holding him in place, still so close, close enough to see his swollen lips-

“Good, I trust you too,” Charles said, and his face did something weird at the words, but Edwin could not decipher it before it vanished, Charles’ eyes so soft, focused entirely on Edwin. “I’m going to start, pulling you along, alright? Just follow me, don’t look behind you, no matter what you hear.”

“Should, I not direct us?”

“Just, trust me, okay?”

Noises behind him-

Fear based-

What could it be?

“The creature-“

A gentle peck to his lips had his thoughts vacating again.

“Don’t worry about it, just, watch me. Okay? I just, need you to trust me.”

“Always.”

As long as the red Earth rolls.

[moonlightspencie]

Speak Now

Description: You’re not usually the type of girl (gn) to barge in on a white-veil occasion… but the officiant did say ‘speak now’.

Pairing: Ted Lasso x gn!Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

(originally posted on tumblr. then posted on ao3 on 6/13/22. now posted back on tumblr because taylor swift personally attacked me with the speak now tv announcement)

You walked into the pub to get out of the cold, and to drown away any lingering hurt about the event hanging over your head.

It was tomorrow already.

You hadn’t expected all of the planning to be finished so soon, and certainly didn’t expect such a fast engagement. Part of you wondered if he even meant it when he proposed.

It all seemed… Wrong. That was what you told Beard as you sat at the table with him that night.

“If he meant it?” He asked incredulously.

You nodded. “I mean, think about it, in the whole time you’ve known him when has he ever done anything like this? With the exception of dragging us to England, that is.”

“I don’t know,” he sighed, taking a drink. “Maybe he just fell quick.”

You sat back, drinking silently for a few moments while you mulled everything over. Ted could be crazy, but going to marry someone he hardly knew was on a different level. You knew it, you knew that deep down Beard had to know it.

“Maybe I’m just being pessimistic because I wasn’t invited, but it all seems wrong to me,” you finally said with a shrug.

Beard furrowed his brow. “Not invited?”

You shook your head. “No.”

“Ted invited you.”

“No, he didn’t.”

He raised a brow. “He told me he did. Why do you think he’s been talking about it around you?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know, I just assumed it was only going to be a couple close friends.”

He dropped his shoulders, glaring at you.

“You know you’re one of his closest friends.”

“Then why am I not invited?” You challenged. “See, this is what I’m talking about. I don’t get why he’s doing this at all.”

“And you’re sure this isn’t a deeper issue for you?”

“Like what?”

“Maybe the fact that you’re just about in love with the man,” Mae cut in, picking up your empty mugs. You looked at her with wide eyes. “You’re not hard to read, love.”

You couldn’t help but laugh a little at her demeanor, even if you wanted to reject that statement with everything in you.

“You’re a real treat Mae, but in this case you need to mind yourself.”

She narrowed her eyes at you. “I’ll let that one slide for now.”

“You’re an angel, friend.”

She hummed, walking away and leaving you to the skeptical gaze of coach Beard. You looked back at him, giving him a shrug.

“Nothing will make this make sense to me.”

“Uh huh.”

He got up to leave several minutes later, leaving you to wander to a barstool to engage in some more conversation with Mae.

“You know, if it bugs you all that much, you could just sneak in and break it up,” she said with a wink.

“I am not the type of person to go barging into a wedding uninvited,” you replied with a laugh, “But, I do appreciate the suggestion.”

“They always ask for objections, and you seem to have quite a few,” she sang.

You laughed again. “I don’t know if that’d be the most appropriate response.”

She sighed. “Can I tell you something I think might help all of this?”

“Of course,” you said, leaning against the bar-top as you finished your drink.

“As obvious as it is that you’ve got some feelings hidden away for our Ted, I’ve gotta say it surprises me you haven’t seen the way he looks at you.”

“Alright, are we sure you’re not the one who’s been drinking?”

You chuckled, shaking your head at her. She smiled.

“Only one, but don’t tell anyone.”

“You’re my best friend here, Mae, who am I gonna tell?”

She laughed. “That’s my girl. But seriously, I meant what I said. Give it a thought, yeah?”

“I think it’s time for me to head out,” you said after a beat. “It’s been a pleasure as always.”

“You too, love,” she said with a smile as she waved you off.

You went home, laying in your bed and trying and failing not to think about what she’d said. There was really no point in trying to hide your feelings with how easily she’d already read you, but you couldn’t help the thought of Ted that lingered in your head.

There was no way he’d ever had a second thought about you as anything more than a friend. Right?

Ted laid awake that night, trying to think about the fact that he was supposed to be married the next day, but instead had a head filled with you.

Beard had called him a few hours prior to ask about why you hadn’t been invited. Much to Ted’s confusion, as he had certainly put your name on the invite list. Everything had moved very quickly, but that shouldn’t have effected whether or not your invite got to you.

But now, hearing you’d never gotten one, he couldn’t help but wonder if it was intentional.

You never seemed to notice, but others had pointed out in the past that he could never keep his eyes off of you if you were in the same room. If it was that easy for some folks to pick up, realization dawned on him that it might have been a tell to his soon-to-be wife. But would she have really barred such a good friend of his from their wedding?

She had her whole family coming, surely she wouldn’t object to Ted having more than a couple of his own. He wondered if anyone else had been uninvited, or if it was just you. If all else failed, Henry and his mother would be there, but he wanted his friends to be there to celebrate.

He tossed and turned the rest of the night, waking only after a few hours of sleep.

You got up the next morning, dreading the day. You wondered what Ted was doing as he prepared for his big day, and wondered who else was going to be there without you.

Against your better judgement, you sent him a text.

- ‘hey, just wanted to congratulate you on your big day. i hope you have a great time :)’

You hit send, setting your phone on your nightstand. You looked up at the ceiling, trying to get your mind onto any other subject. Though, it wasn’t long before you heard your phone vibrate with the indication of a message.

- ‘Thank you! You’re coming, right?’

You read the message, and read it again. Was this some weird power play?

- ‘gosh, i’m sorry, i’m not. i never got an invite, i didn’t want to intrude’

It was only a second before a few new messages popped up.

- ‘Intrude?! It wouldn’t be the same without ya!’

- ‘I promise I put you on the list. Seems it didn’t get to you’

Bitterness crept in, a message coming from your brain and to his phone before you could check in with your logical side.

- ‘seems more like i was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be lol. that’s okay, i’m alright cheering you on from home’

He received your message with wide eyes, his suspicions and yours matching up.

- ‘I’d still really like to see you there, don’t think I can get through without you. I’ll send you a link to the address’

He sent the message along with the map link to the location of the ceremony. You didn’t send another message, mulling over the fact that someone certainly didn’t want you there. You texted Rebecca, asking if you could tag along with her that day if she was going.

You got ready quickly, hands shaking as you pulled on your shoes and grabbed your bag. Rebecca showed up later that day, and you took a car to the ceremony together.

“You’re being uncharacteristically quiet, love,” she said as you arrived at the destination.

“I’m thinking.”

“Uh oh,” she said, though amusement shone in her eyes. “Does that mean we get any entertainment today?”

You turned the situation over and over again in your head, losing yourself in the fantasy of standing up and interrupting the ceremony. After all, even if he thought you were insane, objecting would put off the wedding for the day. At minimum, they wouldn’t be able to marry legally that day.

You knew that was a petty thought, but after a certain point you didn’t care.

Katherine had never seemed to like you no matter how kind you were to her. You’d gone out of your way to provide her a certain level of comfort any time you’d interacted, and she always brushed it off. She had made her way to Keeley’s bad side within an hour because of it all, and that was certainly a feat to accomplish.

Though, as you attempted to converse with certain members of her family, you understood why she was the way she was: they all acted the same way. Stuck up.

You let out a hard sigh as you sat with Rebecca to wait for the ceremony to begin. She watched you, trying to decipher what was going on in your head.

“You know, you being all quiet like this worries me a little,” she sang quietly.

You chuckled. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Partially,” you said with a smile.

She laughed, grabbing your hand and giving it a squeeze.

“I wish Keeley and Roy could have made it. I think they might’ve liked seeing you do what you’re about to.”

“And what am I about to do?” You asked, eyes wide and a smile on your face.

“I can’t say for sure, but it looks like you don’t want this to happen as much as half the people here,” she whispered.

“Half is an overstatement.”

“There’s enough, I think. We’re all just too afraid to say anything.”

You paused, considering what she said. Did that many people really have concern about everything? If so, you certainly felt a stronger surge of confidence. Though, you weren’t sure if that was a good thing or not quite yet.

You waited for the ceremony to start with palms that were becoming increasingly clammy and a heart that beat faster and faster. Especially as Ted came out with the officiant. He smiled at a few guests as he came out, though he didn’t seem to notice you.

Something was on his mind.

As he walked down, he wanted so badly to search for you, but he knew he might have trouble saying ‘I do’ if he knew you were there watching him.

He knew he was probably better off pretending like they were all alone up there rather than in front of a crowd of people.

He also knew he was becoming less and less sure about what he was doing as the day went on.

Music started, the bridesmaids and groomsmen coming down. You only recognized Beard, the rest supplemented by Katherine’s family.

As each person came down, you watched Ted. Part of you hurt to see him there, but part of you found an unfortunate excitement with the fact that he didn’t look overly excited. Maybe you could do this.

You could do this.

She came down next, though you kept your eyes on Ted through it all.

He watched her float down the aisle, and much to his dismay, he didn’t feel the joy he thought he might.

The ceremony officially began, and you watched and waited with baited breath. All of the formalities began, and time seemed to slow. Your heart beat harder and harder, knowing it was coming soon.

Then, the officiant said it.

Silence fell over the room, and you waited for what felt like forever.

But then, you knew it was your last chance and time was winding down.

You stood, hands shaking, as you stared at Ted. He looked back at you, as did everyone else in the room, all of them wearing looks of pure horror on their faces.

You opened your mouth to speak, tongue going dry for a moment. Rebecca reached up, giving your hand one last squeeze of reassurance that gave you the final surge of confidence that you needed.

“I’m not the kind of person who does this. Crashing a wedding, and all,” you said with a light laugh, only Beard joining in on the laughter quietly. At least he covered his with a cough. “But, Ted, I really don’t think you’re the type of guy to marry the wrong person.”

“Excuse me?” Katherine cut in, looking between the two of you.

When Ted kept his eyes on you, she scoffed, arms crossing. You didn’t pay any mind, keeping your gaze on him.

“I— Don’t say yes. Don’t do this, Ted,” you said, almost laughing at the absurdity of the situation. “Just hear me out, think about it, you know?”

“What are you even doing?” Katherine asked again, and this time you glanced at her.

You gestured at the officiant.

“He said ‘Speak now’.”

A few laughs spread throughout the room at that, mostly from teammates from Richmond, but laughs nonetheless.

Ted still kept his eyes on you. “I— I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you’ll come with me,” you offered.

He watched with wide eyes for another moment, a small smile creeping onto his face.

“Meet you at the back door when I change?”

A wave of relief and adrenaline ran through you at that, a wide smile on your face suddenly. You nodded quickly.

He ran down the aisle, and you grabbed your bag, giving a quick kiss on the cheek to Rebecca.

“Work things out with his family for us, yeah?”

She nodded. “Of course. I’ll make sure I have a fun day planned for them tomorrow.”

“You’re my favorite, you know that?”

“I know,” she said with a smile. “Go get him, love.”

You hustled out of the building, going to find the back door. Ted came through as you reached it, smiling when he saw you there, standing in just his button up and dress pants.

He wrapped you in a tight hug when you met, letting out a breath.

“I’m so glad you were around to stop all that.”

“Really?”

He pulled back, looking at you. “Of course. I’m running away from a wedding with you, do you really think my heart was in all that, Ben Platt?”

“I’m so glad I could pull you away from it all for you to make that horrible joke,” you said with a laugh.

He laughed back, then quieted, looking at you in the eyes.

“How did you know?” He asked quietly.

“Mae is very observant,” you whispered with a smirk.

“Bless that woman.”

You giggled, though got cut short when he pressed his lips to yours. You kissed him back, butterflies erupting in your stomach after waiting forever for that moment. You separated a minute later, and he took your hand in his.

“What do you say we run away together now?”

“That sounds perfect.”

[jarpadswalker]

you are actually a very rude person, I doubt you actually have friends in real life based on how you say to people and insult them on here and I guess on SM as well I don’t know but you and your tumblr friends are very rude people and don’t deny it and you can be respectful to or about the people you don’t like and the fact that you can’t even be respectful shows you have a horrible personality and stop writing rude comments about posts that has nothing to do with Jared. Just because Rob and Rich are closer to Jensen then to Jared doesn’t give you the right to hate on them or say something rude about them but I guess you are too entitled and vulgar to know when to be nice to people.

"YOU ARE ACTUALLY A VERY RUDE PERSON," Well, Anon, I don't care if you think I am a very rude person.

I don't care for what a random no face idiot thinks of me online. Unlike you, I don't live for some fake validation from online idiots. I ain't that desperate, I got life outside social media.

So think all what you want because that is all you can do...

Also, anon, if you had used your pea brain, you would have realised that I hardly ever talk about Rob and Rich... They are totally insignificant to me, and I don't care for those leeches. They might own oscar or emmy(far-fetched, I know), and I still won't care, just like I don't care for hundreds other actors in Hollywood.

PS: I think you need to step out of your mums basement and meet the real world. It's is extremely unhealthy if you spent your entire time thinking about how a random person on social media is?

A suggestion go to school or go have some hobby, and make good use of your time. Then you won't have to think about my rude self

[writerscafehub]

𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐀: 𝐀𝐥𝐞𝐱

@thecutestlittlebunbunfairy

From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

I give myself a solid 3 stars. I think I can churn out some good stories and smut, but I know I make grammatical errors and sometimes my stories have an awkward flow, but I'm always working to get better. 

What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

I’ve been told a few times that I have a good story telling ability; so I think that’s where I shine/stand out/ Being able to take a prompt, a song, or just a few quotes and turn it into a full story.

Are there any writers that inspire you?

Unfortunately, a lot of the writers who inspired me have left tumblr and are lost to time. Some of the ones that are still here are angryschnauzer, tsuntsunfangirl, and caffiened-queen. Some new favourites are Navy, hansensgirl, harryspet, tumblin-theworldaway, and of course all my friends in the server <3

What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

It’s so hard to pick just one so i’ll give two! I’m incredibly proud of my Spooptober 2023 collection. It was a tribute and inspired by Hozier’s newest album, and it was the first time I completed a monthly collection! Easter Bunny is definitely a favourite as well; not only a Lee fic (I love our Sheriff so much) but it was a chance to write some real escapist fluff. 

Which character(s) do you find easiest to write and which do you find most difficult to write?

Loki, Bucky, and Cap are definitely my easiest characters. They’re my ol’ reliables and I love all three of them.

Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

The obvious answer is: BUCKY lol. But a lot of my fifcs tgend  to be escapism style stories. Bucky coming in to “rescue” the reader in one form or another, even if it’s a dark “rescue”

Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about!

I have 3 long term multi chapter fics planned that I can’t wait to share with everyone (eventually). Two of them are Kylo Ren fics, with one having Kylo Ren as a Director of an art museum, hiring an intern whom Kylo assumes is a guy, but is actually a v cute girl and the other being a Mafia!Kylo with an arranged marriage. The last is a Loki fic with Loki as the CEO of a company who needs a bride to appear good for business purposes. 

First fandom you ever wrote for?

Technically the MCU. The first ever fic I wrote was a Tom Hiddleston fic.

Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

I admit I don’t really believe in “guilty” pleasures; pleasures should be enjoyed! But man am I a sucker for my dub/non-con, kidnapping, and yandere stories!

A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

I try to not to say “never” because i’m always open to inspiration, but i don’t see myself ever writing anything with pregnancy/babies

Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

I wrote this INSANE fic called “When Magic Meets Insanity” which is a threesome between Loki, Reader, and Jerome Valeska from Gotham. It’s crack to hell and is still available to read on my AO3. 

Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

Stucky. Always. They are my OTP and I love how fun it is to explore their relationship. Especially throwing Sam into the mix. 

Do you listen to anything while you write?

It mostly depends on what/who i’m writing, but yes! For example, I’ll listen to oldies stuff when I'm writing for Lee, and I have this GREAT Asgardian library ambience for writing Loki. 

One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

One-shots. 

Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

Not really, I sometimes imagine what happens after, but once a fic is done, I tend to just put it on a shelf and leave it. It’s why I hardly write sequels

Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

I long to write some really good multi-chaptered works, but I struggle with writing long term conflict and i’m worried they’ll be awkward and won’t read well. 

What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

The best comment I’ve ever gotten was on my fic Sunlight (Sun God!Steve) from tumblin-theworldaway. She wrote a big huge comment on the fic and it was like the first thing I saw on a monday morning and I needed a good comment. 

Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

I won’t say “comfort zone” but I wrote my first ever Monster Fucker fic not too long ago, “By Land or By Sea” about Sea Monster!Loki and it was defintely new and interesting to write! 

Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

Fluff, always. I’m always a sucker for happy endings (even dark happy endings lol)

Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

Sort of. I have a beauty and the beast style novel planned. The beast is a rich lobbyist for oil industries. And the beauty is an indigenous woman who meets the beast at a cabin in the woods. It’s still heavily in development and i’m not sure when it’ll come to fruition. 

If you could enter the universe of any one of your fics, which would it be and why?

“Teddy Bears” for sure. With slightly dark Bucky and Steve kidnapping me (is it kidnapping if i’m willing?? lol) and telling me I don’t have to work and they’ll take care of me? I’d be there in a heartbeat. 

Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

I always write stoned lol. I get a ton of creativity and inspiration from weed and it helps make the ideas flow. It just can take a while to interpret all my stoned ramblings sometimes. 

Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

This is from my most recently published fic, the last fic in my Spooptober Collection, “To Someone from a Warmer Climate. The fic is about a witch!reader who is visited by a humble sheriff, Lee Bodecker. But he is more than meets the eye.

“Mmmmm…damn…That’s the best cup of coffee I’ve ever had. And I just love the taste of the forgetfulness potion you added.”  Your heart dropped into your stomach.                 “What did you say?” He didn’t answer, only leaning back in his chair. He blinked and where crystal blue eyes had seemed to make him handsome and rakish; now were two inky black pits. He blinked again and his eyes were human again, but now his irises were crimson red. You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. You’d dealt with a few lower-level demons in your travels, but never someone who you could walk through your house’s defenses so easily. Usually, any malevolent force was neutralized before it even touched your house. But he…he was something darker. “I’d heard about a pretty witch living out here in the woods.” Lee continued. “Thought it was just another one of them dippy mortals wearing peace signs. But then that little old lady came in, bringing some brownies she said you’d made. And when I tasted them, I knew for sure. There was a real little witch somewhere in town. “Though it took me a while to find ya, darling. All them wards and runes…you’ve kept yourself pretty well hidden. But when that same sweet little old lady called in, worried about her friend in the woods, I knew I’d found you and here you are. Hidden away from the world, cooking up spells your nose buried in a mountain of books. All that defensive magic and you opened the front door for me and invited me in. Silly girl.” His eyes raked over your body, studying you.

Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

Fanfiction writing has been some of the most fun writing I've ever had. I’ve loved writing for my whole life but sometimes it’s a struggle to write and create an entire cast/world. Fanfiction gives a helping hand to an entire gallery of characters with infinite possibilities. Not to mention the fact that based on “What if” logic, there is a multiverse out there where these fics really happen lol. I look forward to even more writing in the future, both fanfic and original. 

[the-heart-of-a-monster]

Before I begin, I wanna say that I already sent an ask that was an unfinished version of this. I had to painstakingly go into Google Docs and copy/paste all my writing/theorizing on here because for some reason when I write a slightly long ask my tumblr just has a meltdown. I meant to delete that first ask and send this one instead, but I couldn’t see anything because of said meltdown and accidentally sent it. Hope you see this finished version instead! Would be really embarrassing if you didn’t…

So yeah. Everything after this is copy-pasted and then continued from the unfinished version. Thanks for your patience!

———

Yes yes, I’m back! I disappeared again for a while but I have returned once more to offer my theories and thoughts! And oh boy do I have thoughts…

Okay so first off I wanna disregard what I said last time about Sonic asking for Shadow to come inside earlier because uhh… Idk what I was thinking. Wow. Hot take from me lol. Guess I was losing the hype from rereading the page a buncha times in a row or something, because I don’t know what I was implying with that. So uh yeah sorry about that I guess.

Anywhizzle with that thankfully out of the way, I can continue on to the meat of these new pages! Sonic himself.

Bro needs himself a snickers-

I’m kidding, (No I’m not) but with jokes aside, this page just gave us something huge! Not only can Sonic transform in the daytime now with limited shade, but he can also transform if he feels just the slightest bit of negativity/anger, and he also doesn’t even turn into a Werehog anymore! He’s gone full Gaia mode now! He honestly looks like a coyote mixed with a wolf if you squint. Pretty cool! But this honestly just opens up so many more doors for so many more questions! What does this mean for Dark Gaia? Will it affect Chip? Can Sonic turn back into his hedgehog self? If so, is it based on a time limit, his emotions, or can he turn back whenever he wants to? Does he even know that he’s transformed yet? Does he know it’s him? AAAAAUUUUGHHGHHH SO MANY QUESTIONSSSSSSS!!!!! 😫

I do also wanna say that Sonic is so definitely right. I don’t really remember what Shadow said, but I do know it wasn’t this. Instead of Sonic ignoring his problems, now it’s Shadow, and that’s the exact opposite of what this whole entire comic has been about. Throughout this series, Shadow has always been the more level-headed of the three, (Sonic Chip and Shadow) and he was always the one to help Sonic get through the night when he transformed into the Werehog. I think he even wanted to spill the beans to someone once or twice, but refrained because he just couldn’t do that to Sonic. Pretty sure I’m remembering things wrong on that front though so. But you get the idea. Shadow ignoring his behavior and ignoring Sonic after everything they went through together… It isn’t like him. Yes, he’s a loner. Yes, he’s pretty edgy. Yes, he’s an idiot. But he isn’t stupid. He isn’t ignorant. Shadow is not like this.

Now Shadow trying to explain away his anger and behavior towards Sonic and his distance by saying “Oh, well, I just got really pissed and I lost control.” But then Sonic hits him with the Uno Reverse and transforms into his new Gaia form right in front of his face, snarling at him and getting all angry in front of the ebony hedgehog, hardly saying anything but a few clipped words. Sonic sees the hypocrisy in Shadow’s words and is not about to let him live it down. He sees the guilt, sees the negativity, and knows.

Which is why, when he turns into probably the scariest version of himself so far for the first time ever, he doesn’t scream or howl in pain or act irrational about it. Sonic, despite everything that’s been going on, remains in control of himself and his actions. He stares down at Shadow and says “And…?” As if he’s making a point. Like he’s calling someone out for their crimes or whatever. And he is. To Sonic, Shadow’s ignorance is like a slight on himself, a quick jab at Sonic’s character. And after everything they’ve been through and after what just happened in the cave, the blue blur ain’t gonna take such an insult very well. But again, despite his anger and despite himself and despite his brand new transformation, Sonic doesn’t really lash out at Shadow, instead showing him that “Losing control” is not a good excuse. Shadow may have lost control of his body, but to Sonic, that’s just an everynight thing now. He doesn’t care about that, doesn’t care about what Shadow looked like or how he felt, and instead cared about his actions.

I’ve been going on and on for a long while now with my “Sonic still is going to hide his emotions and feels like crap and still feels bad about himself” mantra, but this scene in particular is making me reconsider that. I feel like before all this happened, Sonic wouldn’t do what he just did now. I don’t think he would be so blunt/careless. I mean he isn’t being careless, there just isn’t really a better way to explain it. Beforehand, Sonic would’ve believed such an excuse and would’ve been like “Oh yeah I guess that makes sense.” But now he seems a lot more controlled, a lot more in his element. He seems more like himself. 

Despite everything, it’s still him.

So maybe Sonic is learning. Maybe Sonic is growing. Maybe he’s finally understanding that he’s still himself and that he doesn’t have to hide. Or maybe I’m being too hopeful and sleep-deprived to really get the true message. I don’t know. 🤷‍♀️ 

All in all, this took me half an hour to get through due to technical difficulties and because I had to put my sleep-deprived brain to work for this one so I am gonna leave it here and brush my teeth. Thank you so much for reading this hunk of junk, means a lot to me! Have a great day/night!

(I’m also so excited for the next page lol)

by chaos, despite everything, it’s still him.

[alexanderlightweight]

I would love to see you write Alec courting Magnus warlock style vs Magnus courting Alec nephilim style

I think Magnus exploring those eldritch angel instincts and how that would translate over to gifts would be funny

Whereas Alec doing demonology research and warlock traditions bc Magnus is both a prince of hell and a high warlock needs to be taken into account

Honestly Alec being an heir and commander is important but being a leader is more important to him than being a lightwood, he'd become Alec bane in a heartbeat if given the choice!

tumblr ate this twice but i found it again and here we are! i hope you enjoy. this is in the hoarfrost kiss on lips aflame verse which is the cold!eldritch angel alec au

<3

-

“I won’t be taking the Lightwood name.” Magnus remarks casually, because it’s something his boy needs to know, “or that awful ring you keep bringing by.”

Alexander freezes and sends him a pitiful pout, but from the gleam in his eye, Magnus doubts he’s actually surprised that Magnus doesn’t want the ring.

“That makes sense.” Alexander says slowly, nodding as he considers what Magnus said. “You hate my parents. They hate you, so I’ll take Bane.”

“Without the Lightwood?” Magnus asks, curious because he would have been fine if they’d kept their own names — even if the thought of Alexander belonging solely to him fills him with vicious glee.

“Magnus, I want to bond with you because I want the shadowworld to be forced to acknowledge how much I love you, what you mean to me. I’m hardly getting my point across if my name stays the same.” Alexander rolls his eyes, “if the clave wants to argue that I can’t be a commander because of my name, then that’s a fight I’m willing to have. I’m a leader, first Magnus. My parents may have intended me to be the perfect heir, but they pushed the responsibilities of an entire Institute on me from a young age. The Lightwood name will survive my departure and my Institute won’t care what name they serve as long as it’s still me giving the orders.”

“I adore how competent you are.” Magnus admits and he gives a wistful sigh as he cups Alexander’s face. “But it would be so much easier if you were just a pretty face I could chain to my bed.”

Alexander laughs, lips kissing Magnus’ thumb as they part for his joy.

“Magnus, you would be bored. You like the idea of how much of a challenge keeping me chained would be.”

“You wouldn’t just let me keep you?” Magnus asks, teasingly but with also a hint of a dare.

“As long as I’m a Commander, then I’ll be what I’m needed to be for the people I lead and protect. Ask me again if that ever changes.” Alexander tells him, a promise that Magnus tucks away, “and in the meantime, I don’t mind playing hard to keep.”

Magnus laughs, because Alexander surrenders himself in his entirety every time Magnus touches him and his boy wouldn’t know how to play hard if he tried.

“I’ll just have to learn to distract you better.” Magnus promises and he slyly uses magic to grip Alexander’s thighs and bind them to the bed as he kisses him. “But first, let me warm you up before you go, Alexander.”

—

Magnus waits until Alexander is gone and then he sits, and he stares blankly at his hand.

Alexander is so nonchalant about how much he wants to bond with Magnus and Magnus didn’t consider how much he wanted that until being faced with it in person. To know that Alexander will take Magnus’ name, that Alexander wants to be Magnus’ and be served under Magnus’ name, that his deeds will be added to Magnus’ name and not his family one.

It’s a deep and heady thrill, especially when Magnus knows how important names are to shadowhunters.

For Alexander to drop the name Lightwood for a non-nephilim name like Bane, when he’s the heir to such a prestigious family, it’s practically self-disownment.

It’s a way of putting Magnus into priority that could have been conveyed by the joining of their names but will ensure everyone knows how much Magnus means to Alexander.

“My darling Alexander,” Magnus murmurs as he runs his fingers over the warm indent left behind by his boy’s body, “whatever am I to do with you?”

He messages Ragnor, intending to find out just how to show a shadowhunter they belong to you, and you aren’t letting them go, and gets back an angry stack of books landing on his feet.

Magnus rolls his eyes; summons the long pipe he sometimes indulges in and lays out on his bed to smoke and peruse just how to stamp his claim all over Alexander.

—

Alec stares at the books and piles of paper and he swallows down the last of a protein bar and activates a series of four runes that will help him maintain and organize the knowledge he’s looking for.

It takes three hours and he’s exhausted and worn by the end of it, but he has a place to start and as he stares at what warlocks consider to be highly valued courting gestures, he resigns himself to another long week. While intellectually, Alec knows that the shadowworld has extremely different cultures, he isn’t expecting the level of secrecy around higher ranked warlocks and their consorts.  It means that the information he specifically needs is harder to find and that he’ll have to ask for help once he’s narrowed down his choices for gifts.

Which means Tessa, since she’s the only one of Magnus’ companions who owes Alec something and will respond to him favorably.

At least this week of research will be worth it; Alec thinks to himself as he slowly gets out his stele and his arrows and several pieces of platinum. 

If Magnus doesn’t like the Lightwood ring, then Alec will just have to make him one, especially now that he’s realized how much warlocks invest into making courtship offers.

Which is fine. Alec’s not a warlock but nephilim have some similar customs, they’re just normally weaponry rather than jewelry.

[atmilliways]

Wrong On The Money (47)

part 47 of ?? | 1051 words | Teen+

Blackmail fic on Ao3 | on tumblr

Summary:

Eddie has never . . . done relationships. Before. Or yet. Whatever. It’s not that he doesn’t want to; the opportunity has never presented itself.  But he knows how they work in theory, and despite not quite being there with Steve, he still wants to do things right. So.

This chapter cranks the rating up from Teen to Mature, so... minors, maybe skip your eyes over the second half and just know that Steve really wanted to show his appreciation for the present Eddie got him.

47.

Here’s the thing. 

Eddie has never . . . done relationships. Before. Or yet. Whatever. It’s not that he doesn’t want to; the opportunity has never presented itself. 

But he knows how they work in theory, and despite not quite being there with Steve, he still wants to do things right. So. 

“Here,” he says, tossing the dice bag at Steve’s unsuspecting face as he slides into the Beemer. “Gotcha something.”

Steve catches it, of course, even though he looks bewildered. “Why?”

Eddie shrugs and picks at a loose thread trailing from his ripped jeans. He pretends to stare at the radio dials, but watches out of the corner of one eye as Steve tugs the drawstring top open and peers inside. “It’s, uh. Just a little something for the next time you play.”

He hadn’t gone to that many different game shops looking for them. Three wasn’t that many. It had proved one too many for his van though, which had overheated on the way home and is currently in the shop, thus Steve needing to pick him up—that’s neither here nor there. Steve upends the bag over one palm and Eddie all but holds his breath.

The dice that spill out are all a sunny, translucent yellow with a golden shimmer. Nothing like his black and red-veined set that he’s had since middle school, but. They match Steve’s room. 

He waits for a reaction, but Steve has gone still and it’s making his stomach twist with nerves. Shit. It’s too much, he knew it was going to be too much.

“Hey, if you don’t like them I can take them back—”

Steve cuts him off by kissing him. It’s a minute into melting into it and kissing back before Eddie registers anything else—the hand fisted in his t-shirt to haul him closer, for example. The kiss is quick by their usual standards, long for a moment between two guys in public. . . . But no one’s around to see.

The fact that Steve would risk it is doing something for Eddie, but that’s neither here nor there. 

“Thank you,” Steve whispers after he lets go. 

And Eddie knows, can tell just from the way he says it, that Steve is used to being the giver in these situations. That’s not really a surprise, girls in the movies and shit hardly ever give their boyfriends gifts. But Eddie had done it anyway because. . . . Well. 

Even if D&D isn't really Steve’s thing—because yeah, he had fun, but he was bad at the math parts and Will’s services will still be required if he plays again—Eddie wants him to know that he’s welcome. That there’s a place for him at the table, if he wants, and he doesn’t even have to bum off someone else’s stuff to take it. 

The next thing Steve does is turn the car off, which makes Eddie blink in surprise. “Uh, weren’t we going to see Ferris Bueller's Day Off? We’re gonna miss the previews, Stevie.”

“Screw the previews.” Steve is looking at him, eyes hooded and biting his lip. “Wanna go back inside?”

Stupid question. Eddie scrambles to get back out of the car. 

-

“Wow,” Eddie says to the ceiling, breathless and warm. He feels like he’s floating, can barely feel his face enough to know what it’s doing while his higher functions are temporarily out, and it’s not even because he’s high. 

Steve props his chin on Eddie’s hip and there’s a satisfied grin in his tone when he asks, “So, how’d I do?”

“Woooow,” Eddie repeats dreamily. “I mean . . . damn, I should give you presents more often. You sure that was your first time?”

“I’m a fast learner,” Steve says, and it’s so smug that Eddie has to haul him up for a kiss. Can’t be helped, it’s gotta be done. (He can taste himself on Steve’s tongue.)

When Eddie lets him up for air again, Steve has a stupid grin on his face. It’s the sweetest thing he’s ever seen. 

“My turn,” Eddie announces, and flings himself up into flipping their positions, settling over Steve even as he goes back to kissing him. (God, he could do this all goddamn day.) It’s almost terrifying how complete Steve makes him feel, but it’s . . . it’s getting easier to tell himself that Steve seems willing to stick around, even if it still feels a little bit like he shouldn’t. 

After all, who would go for Eddie Munson? He’s not made for good things. 

And yet, they fit. He trails kisses down Steve’s neck, down his chest and the scars that match his, down the trail of hair that leads further. Kisses him, swallows him down, and that’s it. Experienced ladies man Steve Harrington comes in his mouth, absolute hair-trigger, before Eddie even gets to try any of the things he had in mind. He barely manages to swallow, just shy of choking on it in a way that makes his extremities tingle, and definitely doesn’t get it all. Has to wipe his chin on the nearest unlucky corner of blanket after.

“Holy shit,” Steve gasps. “Holy fuck, Eds, that—I, god, sorry, ‘mso sorry baby. Was that—Are you okay?”

Baby. Jesus, Steve hasn’t called him that before and he hadn’t expected him to now. 

“Gimme a glass of water and ten minutes, and I’ll show you exactly how okay I am,” Eddie promises, grinning fit to bust his face even as he’s still trying to catch his breath. 

Steve’s expression goes happy and soft, as though he’d needed Eddie’s permission to bask in the afterglow, and it has Eddie clambering up to kiss him stupid. They melt together in a tangle of lax and sated limbs.

“Good boy,” Eddie adds, murmuring against Steve’s kiss-bitten lips, and grins into the delicious shudder that runs through his. . . .

“Boyfriend?” Steve suggests. His voice is so small and tentative, an offer nudged carefully across the bargaining table. It bleeds hopefulness the whole way, as though there’s some chance that Eddie might hear Steve Harrington ask him to be his boyfriend and shoot the guy down. 

Not a chance in hell. 

“Holy shit yeah,” Eddie says in a rush, and then he’s kissing Steve eagerly, hands winding through his hair and tugging at the roots exactly how he knows Steve likes. 

They miss the entire movie.

[jambeast]

Okay, so every now and then, you’ll get into some discourse about like...

Two men of undisclosed (or unbelieved) sexuality will live together or have a close personal bond.

And by default everyone assumes they’re Straight and just Friends.

And a lot of people (on tumblr) will say that actually they’re gay, and it’s this homophobic/heteronormative culture that downplays homosexuality and wants us to think that it hardly ever happens. Which is fair.

And a lot of people will say that actually they’re probably straight and it’s just a genuinely close non-sexual bond, and the former people are wrong for downplaying male friendship and contributing to this nasty culture where men can’t have close bonds without it being misinterpreted as sexual (and understandably, you don’t have to be homophobic to not want your friendship to be misinterpreted as a romantic advance). Which is fair.

And also a lot of people will say that they’re actually *asexual*, and it’s a matter of this nasty anti-asexual, somethingsomething-normativity culture that nobody can accept two people loving together or having a close bond without there being a sexual component, that downplays asexuality and wants us to think that it hardly ever happens. Which is also fair!

One solution here that I think need to be pushed is just to, like... just stop trying to play the guessing game when we don’t need to be. Just accept that you do not know whether these two guys are fucking, and you don’t need to give an answer. A probability is a more honest answer than a certainty if you don’t have a certainty for certain.

[woozahwasheree]

(I have no idea how to start this, but this is a Supernatural story. My wattpad @ is the exact same as my username on here! I have never used tumblr.. So, my apologies if this is terrible.

‘ The Hunt. ’ - Part 1.

( Backstory. - You, Dean, Sam Winchester have been best friends since childhood. Your mother, Ellen was good friends with their father, John Winchester. That’s how you met. You guys both went to the same school, and was really close. But when your father died, you had no idea how. You just know- He was particularly, on a hunt. With no name you can recall. You see Dean, and Sam every now and then, not as much as you used too. They’re pretty busy. It’s mostly Sammy who calls often. )

I step around my bedroom, and lift a tight-fitting shirt over my shoulders. I hold some low waisted trousers against my legs in my mirror, and nod. I put them on, and walk out of my room. The pleasant sight of the usual customers fill my eyes. I see Dean and Sammy talking to Ash. They look desperate. I walk over, and furrow my brows.

“Morning to you too.” I say to both of them, they nod.

“Morning sweetheart.” Deans usual response.

“Morning, Y/n.” Sammy says, nodding his head back to Ash.

“New case?” I ask, filling a glass up with beer.

“Yes. We’re so damn confused.” Dean responds, his eyes still fixed on Ash’s computer.

“Oh yeah, watcha’ got?” I ask, handing one beer over to Sammy, and peering over as I grab another glass to fill up.

“Some kinda shapeshifter. It’s faster than usual.” Dean responds, his eyes still fixed on the tacky computer.

“You seem pretty fixed on it. You’ve hardly taken a peep at me.” I say, sliding the glass over to Dean.

“Sorry.” He finally says, looking at me. “I’m glad you told me too. You look like heaven.” He added on. I shook my head at his usual cocky flirty remarks. My mother soon popped up behind me.

“Y/n. You shouldn’t really be here whilst they’re researching.” She said, sceptical.

“It’s nothing new.” I responded.

“Ellen, honestly. It’s fine.” Sammy said, dropping a light smile. She nodded, her lips pressed firmly still unsure.

“Where have you guys been, seriously?” I asked, pressing my arms against the bar.

“Busy on hunts. You know- Turns out there’s more supernatural shit then ever.” Dean said, his eyebrows furrowed. He looked confused.

“Is this one a difficult job?” I ask them.

“I guess- It seems it, anyway.” Sammy responded, pretty much instantly.

“Why don’t you let me come along?” I almost beg.

“No way.” Dean responded too quick.

“Why not? Come on! It’s not like I’ve been in these situations before.” I whispered, knowing my mother would most definitely disapprove.

“We wouldn’t want you getting hurt, Y/n.” Sammy said, almost sympathetically.

“And most definitely, your mother would eat us alive.” Dean said, a smirk on his face.

“Whatever, you guys never let me come along.” I say giving puppy eyes. Dean looks away, and Sammy laughs.

“Hey, think about what we said, alright? It’s not easy to just let you ‘come along.’ You should know that by now.” Dean added on. I shook my head, and walked away to grab another customers order.

..

After a while of the Winchesters boys research with Ash, they were just about to leave. I started walking towards my room, and Dean stopped me.

“It’s not that we don’t want you to come, Y/n. We hate the idea- And so does your mother. I know you want to be like your father, but I promise, this isn’t the ideal life. Your mothers giving you a better life then we ever had. You’re lucky.” He said, his voice just above a whisper.

“It’s not like I can’t take care of myself, Dean.” I responded, getting annoyed. They were treating me like some child.

“I’m fully aware of that, but like hell I’m going to bring you along. I’d rather have my dick, knowing your mother she’d chop the fucker off.” He said, his voice now being stern.

“You’ve said what you need to say, now go do your hunt. Good luck.” I say, walking away. With that, Dean left the pub.

I entered my room, and started packing things into a duffel bag. My mother would be working, but it would be easy to sneak out. I slung the back over my shoulder, and walk out of the motel/pub.

[qiangweirosa]

Despite knowing him for a relatively short about of time, Makoto was certain that Kenji had no shame. From visibly drooling over their substitute (who the boy was certain was his one and only) to loudly discussing every pick-up guidebook he read over lunch, that boy was hardly ever embarrassed.

Even now, heading towards the school building, Makoto was going through all the TikTok’s his friend sent him in the morning (was he even getting ready? The list was so massive that it was hard to believe he had any time left to get anything done) all of which ranged from mildly inappropriate to outrageous. It wasn’t anything… outright gross. At least not in terms of hurting anyone (but the sender himself). Most of them where the kind of things one would find in the teacher crush tag on Tumblr. Gods help Makoto, if his friend ever discovered that community.

As soon as the school gates entered Makoto’s vision, he spotted a tall, brown haired boy waving at him vigorously. Then, as if remembering that it was unbecoming of his cool-guy persona, the boy instantly switched his stance, nodding at him in a terribly executed aloof manner. His friend nodded at him, approaching the building. With midterms coming up he wondered if he would be less uneasy entering Tartarus. The hypothesis seemed likely.

„Yo, my guy” Kenji greeted him, pushing his hands into his pockets. „How was that movie night, huh?”

Makoto regretted telling him about his evening plans with Yukari. Not that she was very subtle either. As much as she tried to avoid feeding the false rumours about them dating, she had the worst luck at doing so.

„Just like every other hangout with a friend” the dark haired boy deadpanned.

„Oh, come on!” His friend whined „she totally likes you. And I support it. I mean, who am I to cockblock you, right? She’s totally not my type either so I’m not jealous. That would be stupid, you know?”

His insistence did him no favours in terms of being convincing.

„Sure”

Makoto pushed the doors open and entered. There was no need to check over his shoulder. Somehow he knew Kenji would be trailing beside him faithfully, like he always did.

Just beside them, there was a commotion. Largely uninterested, the shorter teen merely glanced in the direction. A large group of girl swarmed his fellow SEES member, much to the older boy’s dismay.

„Come on!” Kenji nudged his friend frantically „say something to him, he’s like your frie- h-hi! Hi, Akihiko!”

He started waving and trying to speak over the chatter. However, the white haired student did not hear him over his small audience. Kenji, dejected, let out a sigh.

„Come on, man! You gotta take this more seriously! We need him for our plan to work”

„What plan?” Makoto raised an eyebrow.

„To get enough rizz to get women! I swear, you are so uninterested in girls, it almost makes you hotter” Kenji shook his head „to them, I mean! Like, playing hard to get, you know…”

„Don’t you get enough tips from your online courses? Do we really need to rope Akihiko into that?” Makoto pretended to let the earlier remark slide.

„Videos can only do so much. And Akihiko? I mean, look at him! Half the girls are in love with him. If he shares his secrets with us, we’ll be set for life” Kenji puffed out his chest, proud of his flawless plan.

„I thought you didn’t want high school girls” Makoto raised his eyebrows.

„No, but that’s not the point. If I get crazy popular, I will attract milfs as well! I’m not going for some corridor harem, more so the ‚The idea of you’ kinda thing, you know? The guy is this famous young artist and a hot middle aged mother practically falls into his lap! Like instantly!”

Entering the classroom they headed towards their usual seats. Which were next to each other of course.

„You’re not an artist” Makoto said with an emotionless expression.

„You wound me!” Kenji pretended to grab his heart. He put his hand over the right side of his chest „And what about the choker I made you! You gotta admit that was a work of art”

„Fair” the dark haired boy admitted „wouldn’t be wearing it otherwise”

„See? I’m really close to becoming the milf magnet I was meant to be” he chuckled a little too loudly, earning a disgusted look from Yukari „the MILF-man!”

„I’d say you’re more of a mid-man” she rolled her eyes, looking back at her phone.

Ouch, Makoto noted, if the girl’s wits didn’t dull none of his friends would soon be left unharmed.

Kenji looked at her exasperated, opening and closing his mouth a few times.

„You-You know what?” He finally huffed, trying to act nonchalant „your words don’t hurt me. You’re not my target audience anyways. Not yet at least”

„Gross” she retorted, refusing to give him more of her energy.

Before the two could bicker any more, their teacher walked in and started the lesson. A few hours passed like this. A long, boring speech sparsely interrupted by breaks, full of Kenji’s yapping.

Every time the dark haired boy looked at his friend, he was slowly scrolling through walls of text. Makoto wasn’t a nosy guy. If anything, he rarely cared about anything. But seeing Kenji so quiet was unusual enough to pique his interest. Not that he observed his friend, he just, well, knew him enough to be surprised to see him act like this. Yeah.

Without having to constantly reply to Kenji’s notes and being nudged by him any time he saw a fun TikTok, the teachers had no reason to constantly check if he was paying attention. So, finally invisible to his only threat in class (aka. easily irritable teachers), Makoto also took out his phone as well. With one click familiar dark blue greeted him, soon switching to a monochrome colour palette. Looking through his favourite tags and mutuals’ post it took him a while to notice a few new notifications. A blue dot displaying a rather big number hung over the icon of a little smiley face. After tapping in the icon he saw a a column of identical profile pictures. To be fair, he was pretty used to spam likes. He even enjoyed them a little. A new notification popped up, telling him that the new blog had followed him.

Out of boredom he decided to look into the blog. The user ‘ilmommymlkrs’ was fairly new. Still, they reblogged most of Makoto’s posts. The whole blog was pretty mismatched in colour. Clearly, graphic design was the owner’s hobby. The bright yellow and saturated greens didn’t help to make it easy on the eyes. It completely crashed with Pompompurrim’s (who was the account’s icon) golden fur.

There were a few original posts with no hearts.

“I wonder what she is like, after she leaves school” the first one started “I wonder how she likes her coffee. Does she have animals? A favourite flower? A place she’d like to visit? I want to make her that coffee in the morning. Every morning. I want to cuddle with her and our pet on the couch. Bring her flowers every chance I get. I want to see that subtle surprise in her eyes every time I do it. I want to see her slowly change her perception of me. I want to see how I transform from a boy to a man to her”

Makoto’s eyebrows nearly touched his hairline. It was a bit curious how a blog like this liked his content. That’s why he checked which posts they’ve interacted with and it all made sense.

The first post the blog reblogged was Lisa Minci x reader. In the tags they wrote “I’m such a damn simp for Lisa fr she makes me go on my knees and beg’. There were a few jokes about her birthday and a ton of heavy simping. Like proper ‘step on me and I will thank you’ type. To be fair it wasn’t much different from how people usually commented, but this user was… intense.

As an occasional ‚x reader’ writer Makoto had his fair share of run ins with thirsty fans so he paid no mind to this one. At least his work was being appreciated.

@ilmommymlkrs (★🐶)

this was. hilarious. i read it late at night and i couldnt stop laughing every 2 minutes because everything is so unserious thank you for this anon

makoto is his biggest hater i fear.

god i could definitely see kenji opening tiktok first thing in the morning and just sending his entire fyp to makoto. the tiktoks are playing while he's getting ready and he just clicks share each time

"Then, as if remembering that it was unbecoming of his cool-guy persona, the boy instantly switched his stance, nodding at him in a terribly executed aloof manner" what is wrong with him (affectionate).

"With midterms coming up he wondered if he would be less uneasy entering Tartarus. The hypothesis seemed likely." makoto yuki i love you and the way you dont care about anything <3

"„Just like every other hangout with a friend” the dark haired boy deadpanned." seems accurate, considering half of his friends are into him

"Somehow he knew Kenji would be trailing beside him faithfully, like he always did." koromaru's got competition huh. /j

kenji stuttering while trying to talk to akihiko. he is so cringe is this how straight men act

"„To get enough rizz to get women! I swear, you are so uninterested in girls, it almost makes you hotter”" one, seeing kenji say rizz actively took years off my lifespan, two, is this how straight men act (part 2)

"And Akihiko? I mean, look at him! Half the girls are in love with him." im one of them!

the talk about the choker reminded me of when cyyu (aki's reload va) finished his social link and started laughing about the fact that kenji made makoto a choker

"„See? I’m really close to becoming the milf magnet I was meant to be” he chuckled a little too loudly, earning a disgusted look from Yukari „the MILF-man!”" god me too yukari, me too

"Not that he observed his friend, he just, well, knew him enough to be surprised to see him act like this. Yeah." i feel like makoto just observes everyone. so he picks up on everyone's habits and everything

"To be fair, he was pretty used to spam likes. He even enjoyed them a little." twinning!!!!

"The whole blog was pretty mismatched in colour. Clearly, graphic design was the owner’s hobby. The bright yellow and saturated greens didn’t help to make it easy on the eyes. It completely crashed with Pompompurrim’s (who was the account’s icon) golden fur." this is probably how people feel when they see my account(s) i have no concept of an account-wide color scheme

"There were a few original posts with no hearts." giggled

"As an occasional ‚x reader’ writer Makoto had his fair share of run ins with thirsty fans so he paid no mind to this one. At least his work was being appreciated." me and makoto are never beating the twin allegations i fear (but i guess that comes with kinning femc)

overall i loved it, cant wait for the next part!

[lavenoon]

*cracks knuckles*

(gonna copy this to AO3 too, after sending it, but I don’t know it just feels like tradition to send the big ones to tumblr first haha)

Ok let's get right to it!!

So first of all I gotta say I love everything about this first ever interaction! It really gives a good look at what it was like for both Dusk and Robin before meeting each other. 

Like, the fact that Dusk was so sure he would be able to get there before them, because he took a “shortcut”, but it’s clear who is the most familiar with the city and the actual fastest routes. He’s so impressed that they were able to get there faster than him, haha! The fact that he did this at all makes me wonder if as a way of proving himself as capable as he is, he has taken it upon himself for a while to get into jobs above his ranks and steal the show. He certainly seems to have had a plan from the start to outdo this agent, even if he didn’t know who they were at first.

But I adore that Robin immediately shows him it’s not that easy. They are a star agent for a reason. Beating him there, stealing his cap, and not even a lick of doubt when they say they are sure they could take him in a fight. Dusk might be used to people outright being scared of him, but Robin shows none of that.

Not that they’re unaffected of course. We see it through all the chapter and Dusk throws a couple of low blows even if he doesn’t realize it. “The prickly agent that no one likes”, and especially the “If that’s how you treat your fellow agents, maybe it’s no surprise you’re unpopular.” Because oof. We know a younger Robin likely tried. Really tried to get along with others before any illusion of camaraderie was broken. And it must have felt like they were the problem because of something natural to them. And now Dusk is telling them that they are the problem for how they choose to act. Damned if you do, and damned if you don’t right? (and while I know that it’s probably not necessary at all I am just a bit curious if Moon ever thinks back and realizes his words might have stung more than he realized at first)

But aaaah, it seems Robin’s honesty does seem to have piqued his interest! Because there are implications in what Robin says about him needing to try harder to make fun of them. That maybe it wasn’t just once or twice that they received worse. Also there’s Robin saying that he doesn’t trust him, because he can hardly argue against the fact that they haven’t seen him work, and they have already shown that they are ahead of him in the game twice in the night so far. So it’s not a dismissal of him being incapable, it’s very much just that as an agent they can’t just go ahead and make careless assumptions, and Dusk knows it. 

But oooh it’s so nice seeing how they can clearly connect a little, even if Robin tries to resist it. Because Dusk reminds them so much of their own early days and how he shares some of the same interests and likes that they need to keep guarded most of the time. 

(sidenote: ooough my heart when he asked if they had given up on the fun, because while clearly they haven’t it’s such a lonely way of having fun and I worry that eventually they would have lost the drive to even try and keep that aspect of their job in the future ;-;)

And pffff it was hilarious seeing Dusk so cocky, confident that he’d just stolen the job from the top agent and was on his way to impress the office XD I can just imagine whoever needed the info looking at what he brought and going “ok… where’s the rest?” and him suddenly a mini panic because uh oh, what rest?

Kinda deserved tbh XD

(But aaaah again with the “you’re no fun” bit ooough, because trying to be fun only brought them rejection among their peers HHHHHH)

But it’s clear that with every moment that passes Dusk doesn’t really think they’re not fun. Actually it seems he really finds them the most fun to be around, and it’s nice that he seems to bring out that a bit more when he himself reflects what Robin wishes the job could be more about, cool stuff and booby traps or even just the secret agent theme being a cool thing to think about. Bet Dusk counted it as an absolute win when they finally ended up laughing freely. Also the fact that he was so offended at the notion that he is boring because he keeps telling them not to swear is so funny XD How dare they imply he’s as dull as the other agents!

And awww when they mentioned him in the report! It’s not nothing to receive a commendation from the star agent, but to Robin it was probably just giving credit where credit is due. But oof, the small doubts that he is still just using them to serve his own image are still there and they definitely come to play later in the fic.

It’s nice to see how from then on Robin half takes him under their wing (had to, sorry Robin XD), but it also is not precisely mentorship, but a developing friendship with a pinch of helping out. The fact that they let him know the rookie mission was a setup to alleviate the pressure from the “failure” after all. How it’s a cynical practice to harden the agents. Knowing that would definitely help him be more aware of how EVOC works. 

But aaaaaa then we get the nice routine established only for the doubts to come back with a vengeance.  And ooough it hurts! Because Dusk was likely just looking for some guidance on what to expect if he did get the promotion. So from his perspective the sudden hostility likely felt like a slap on the face! But it comes back to that right? Robin’s fears, that once again them being them is what will make them lose it all. That once the newbie climbs up to where they are he’ll kick them from their place, because now the higher ups found someone better and if they keep slacking off it’ll go beyond that. Deep down they probably know Dusk isn’t trying to hijack what they have, but even if aware of their practices, Robin is still affected by what the company has done to them. Having left behind nearly everything else, the prospect of having the one thing they cling to torn away is too much at that moment. And so they snap at the main threat, who is also the closest they’ve had to a friend. Makes me think a little of the non canon scenario, where the boys get a promotion, actually! Because no wonder if this was the initial reaction, in that case it would feel even worse! 

But omg! The part where they defend him AAAAAAA Because gosh, if that didn't mean everything I don’t know what would! Just everything about it! The fact that every time he looks at them his eyes turn blue! The red reserved for those antagonizing him! Robin at first thinking that it’s best for him to just handle the situation alone like they had to because nobody helped when they needed it, only to become so angry at the agent discrediting all Dusk has done that they automatically intervene. Because they saw the potential! They know it’s not true! They literally had a freak out because Dusk is that good that they felt their rank was in jeopardy! And they put a stop to the mockery because it just isn’t right! Makes me remember Dusks words from a couple chapters ago. When y/n says they weren't always nice, but he replies that they have always been kind. He likely saw that way before this incident, but I can see it staying with him for a long time.

And ooough the confrontation! Dusk really deserving an explanation of what was all that about and Robin knowing that if there’s anything they do to fix it, it’s going to involve opening the slightest about their insecurities. And at first it must seem like a dismissal to Dusk. A finality of Robin saying that he’s the problem that will make them lose what’s most important, but then they call out to him! And he sees that they really don’t want to throw him aside and this must be the most vulnerable they’ve seen this hardened agent that doesn’t drop the facade around anyone else. And they’re about to offer, but they’re scared. And he can see that. But they retreat before he can even reassure them and it’s a glimpse of the person no else has likely seen, and he must understand as well. He just faced a whole lot of rejection, it’s no wonder he recognizes it in someone else’s face. 

(also shaking Robin’s hand about fearing disappointment most of all)

But aaah that’s such a sweet ending! Dusk finally got to deliver the smooth line that got interrupted before XD Makes me wonder if he intended to deliver it that first night when they met but was just completely thrown off by finding Robin there hehe

A complete delight of a chapter, Luce!! I adored every second of it!! <3

In the most affectionate way, I'd love if tumblr allows read mores for asks just so I could un-collapse your asks like those comically long unfolding scripture rolls or something. Y'know in cartoons when they start unrolling and it just keeps going? I want that FHDJS

but without further ado, the actual reply!

The thing about Dusk (and Dawn) at the start of their agent career is... They underwent a year of training, where especially Dusk quickly realized that he excels at the sneaky stealthy aspects, and he's a gremlin who likes to climb. Equipped with his special grip gloves (courtesy of Eclipse), parkour works out just fine for him, and while he technically hasn't started so long ago, he's gotten used to being better than human agents! And those human agents, too - except they don't even wait to see his performance, rather dismissing it because "he's an animatronic, of course he's good". He doesn't want that - it's empty validation.

So when Dusk sees a certain someone leave, with people around him sparing them only disdainful glances, if anything... Well, he decided to prove his merit and show that he's good! He gathers it's a star agent, asks where they're headed, and thought he could get a headstart, only to get there at top speed and they're already there. Spiderman pointing meme moment.

And it that sense, Robin's insistence that he's a rookie is refreshing to him. Because yeah, sure, it can rankle his pride - he wanted to prove how good he is, and there's someone insisting he's not that great! But then he just. stays. and realizes they see him as a beginner agent, which he is. They don't see him and say "ah, animatronic, of course you're great". They basically tell him "no matter what, you just started out. Stay vigilant, or it's going to bite you in the ass." He's intrigued!

He's still a little shit, and he throws those low blows - without realizing. He tries to match the energy Robin puts out while still adapting his plans from "show up this star agent" to "tag along with this star agent", and he ends up hurting them. And he realizes it quickly, too. Because he doesn't need to look back far into the future - he falls silent right then and there. Robin tells him outright they've had worse, try harder, and Dusk walks behind them with the realization that 1) they just admitted that they think he wants to hurt them, and 2) they have gone through a lot that made them this prickly. He's already getting prickly! He's been doing proper field work for just a few weeks there! All his attempts to be seen and acknowledged and taken seriously while having fun, fruitless.

And then they have their little conversation where Robin locks up when it's their turn to answer, and still he gets it when he spots the sticker on their little gadget.

Their honesty is crucial here, too. They keep secrets, yes - that comes with the job. But they tell him he's a rookie, they tell him they don't trust him, and they refuse to be vulnerable for the same reason. Dusk can appreciate that, and he refuses to push more of their buttons after that moment in the staircase.

Robin appreciates it, too. He's "clear", he doesn't mock them for those crumbs of joy they held on to. They're scared of connection and crave it at the same time, so it's a strange mix for them still. But hey, surely it's a one off!

(Also I need you to know that I am currently trying to stomp out another timeline thought at "Robin does give up on fun")

Well, and then Dusk goes back to his initial plan (: He grabs all the information they were sent to gather, but he's superficial, sloppy. Robin figures that not everything is kept digitally, and goes for the papers - and they find additional information. So it's not that there's a rest that's missing, but River gets two reports, one technically fine and just what she asked for, the other going above and beyond with even more information. She tells Dusk that next time he should save her some time and make her read one report only, and that'd be the report with the extra leverage he didn't provide.

Cue a little confrontation - and once again, Robin reminds him that he's a newbie and has a lot to learn! He's prickly about it, but he also just enjoys that they talk to him without bias, because whelp, obviously it's not a bias to say he's a beginner! He can admit that! (Dawn can't, not as well. Another reason the reverse rivalry starts out tenser). Dusk catches a glimpse of where Robin is headed next, and decides it's time for little shit, round two!

(And he immediately gets schooled, again. He nearly got a sizeable dent into his shell for spooking them, and he takes the moment to process that they absolutely could hold their own against him. He's a weirdo, so that only excites him)

Another mission where he tags along against their will, but they threaten him marginally less and he takes it as a win. Again the honesty strikes him - he's being silly, probing to see how Robin would engage, and they catch him by surprise with the mental image of automated suits of armor! It's again a proof for him that they're not as prickly as they pretend they are - and how ironic, that later on they start calling him the cactus!

He gets delegated to standing watch, but then he does actually get to see action. Takes care of it quickly, only to spot Robin standing in the doorway, and for the first time there's the notion of surprise, and in their moment of whiplash and in his own expectation, that looks way too much like fear. He thinks now he's going to lose that connection, make them realize that he's got inbuilt weapons that give him an unfair advantage, all the things he's been told before.

He cracks a joke. They laugh - openly, and maybe just a bit too much, but neither of them is going to complain. They make a joke back, and he gets to run with it, and thus the banter is born! So he pouts extra when they call him boring after that, but he also takes it as a challenge to turn it up a notch! Despite acting affronted, he's mostly relieved that it doesn't seem to have changed what Robin thinks of him.

Robin of course is still paranoid, and since Dusk himself burned them just the mission before by ditching them, trying to steal the credit (what they think - he did credit them in his report!), they opt for revenge. They leave him behind. He takes it as a hint.

But Robin is honest. They credit him in their report - and later on, too, when their shared missions become a pattern. That's the "good word" the higher ups mean when they promote him. He'd be good enough without that input, too - or Dawn wouldn't have been promoted in the same breath, but it's something Dusk remembers.

The rookie mission? It didn't go badly. Not for Dusk (and Dawn). No, they did well, but received backlash from other agents for all the usual things. Robin doesn't know that, and assumes when they find Dusk avoiding everyone and acting hissy, but they're genuine in their reassurance. It's what makes him relax, in the end. He still hates the outcome of the mission, so they were right as far as that is concerned, but they tell him it's okay, that's how it's meant to end, and it's not a personal failing.

It tells him more about Robin, too. The fact that they seek to reassure him. The fact that they're so competitive. The fact that they offer him distraction, and fun.

But even the nicest routine doesn't erase their insecurities.

Dusk asks them what it's like to be a star agent, and they demonstrate. He's baffled, because he's been told they advocated for him, only for them to lash out like this - he doesn't know how terrified they are. Losing their rank would prove everyone who made fun of them right. They have no friends, they barely have a life outside of work, and since they were a recruit of the "work for us or we're going to make your life hell after 'infiltrating' our base" sort, they're just waiting for the higher ups to get rid of them. They're too unconventional but now there's an agent who is obviously more efficient, and they have seen him in action. They know he's good.

And they're scared. They can't lash out against the higher ups, so they tell Dusk to stay away, and he does. They're both miserable for a good while, and there are so many changes in their life. Robin avoids Dusk like the plague, and Moon is too hurt to even want to introduce himself to the very nice new landlord Sun found for them.

It's been a throwaway thought that Dusk, in moments of stress when he's expected to look at people but he just doesn't want to see, switches to thermal vision because it's shapes, and less detail. He doesn't do that when it comes to Robin. He sees them duck away, but they don't leave.

And then someone makes the mistake to say Dusk isn't actually a good agent, and just got the promotion because he's an animatronic.

Imagine you're Dusk, in that moment. (Ironic, maybe, given that Robin is the reader insert, but shh). The closest person to a friend "breaks up" with you just a few short weeks ago for being too good of an agent. They avoid you. You see them when they run into you and some other agents in the middle of insulting you, and they lock up. They don't interact, but they also don't leave - and then one insult makes them snap back up and just yeet their snack at the offender. That split second of widened eyes as they realize what they've done. Instinct. They did that on instinct, for you. And then they double down. There's the prickly star agent that no one likes. But they channel all that venom into your defense.

Dusk, of course, is still pissed. And he's well within his right for that! They lashed out, they haven't apologized, and they also don't really do that, not explicitly. He asked an innocuous question (as he thought) and got that in return.

But he stays, to ask. Tries to make sense of things. He gets that explanation, but it doesn't have much hope for him in that moment. For those few seconds he feels like he'll just have to accept that being promoted was the end of that friendship. But Robin doesn't want to lose that, either. They're the one who pushed him away, and now they're the one trying to reach out - and with everything he knows about them, he sees them withdraw, back into that hardened shell they hide behind, and he wants to reach out and stop them, but the hurt is too fresh and they're not that close - he doesn't know how he could.

This is the moment that future Moon looks back to with the thought that he should have stopped them from leaving. It worked out fine for them all, sure, but he now realizes just how scared they were, and wishes he would have held them back and reassured them then and there. It wouldn't have worked! They wouldn't have accepted it! But it's something on his mind, when he gets to know them better.

But it does work out for them. Dusk goes back to what he knows best, and what kept them entertained for so long. Before, it may have been a somewhat mentorship flavored friendship, but they're both star agents now, the same rank, and now it's a full fledged rivalry. He gets them by surprise, gets to be smooth about it, and he gets his friend back <3