#i know for a fact i've done some other version of this before

[melien]

[cheapshrimpysheep]

My Heaven's Light

SUMMARY: Rollo managed to kidnap you before sending the NRC students to Fleur City's Waterways, believing he was saving you. Malleus and the others reach the tower, ring the Bell of Solace and rescue you. Malleus expresses his protective side and Rollo apologizes for kidnapping you.

CHARACTERS: Rollo Flamme VS Malleus Draconia (x Reader)

TAGS: GN Reader; Angst to Comfort; Jealousy

WARNING: Spoilers from Glorious Masquerade; Kidnapping

WORD COUNT: 4.220 Words

COMMENTS: Thinking about the fact that Rollo is the twisted version of Frollo and thinking of MC as Esmeralda, it is inevitable to imagine Rollo kidnapping MC. But not for the same reasons!

Rollo is a really complex character, but one I've wanted to write about for some time now. I plan to try writing more with him in the future.

Until then, I hope you enjoy this one. 🐲🦐🔔

By the way, do you have ANY idea how many times I've looked up synonyms for common words just to get as close as possible to Rollo's way of speaking? One thing is for sure: I am greatly expanding my English vocabulary with this.

.

Amidst the panic that the firelotuses were causing, both your colleagues and Professor Trein end up paying more attention to the flowers than to you.

As you move away from the flowers, you end up approaching one of the pillars. That's when you feel a hand covering your mouth and another holding your arm behind your back.

You are carried away through the shadows as you try to free yourself, but these attempts only make the hands hold you even tighter and run the risk of injuring your arm.

The person who is taking you leans over and whispers in your ear. “I beg you not do make this more complicated that it needs to be.” It's Rollo!

He takes you to a room adjacent to the hall and pushes you inside, making you fall into an armchair. Just before he closes the door to lock you inside you hear Grim's voice.

“[Y/N]? [Y/N]?! MY HENCH-HUMAN DISAPPEARED!”

No matter how loud you scream, or how much you bang on the door, the chaos outside is too loud for anyone to hear you. Eventually you realize something is going on, so you stop to listen to the conversation. Rollo had revealed himself and was talking to your NRC colleagues.

“My, my.” You hear Azul say. “That was quite a predictable villain line, you know.”

“Silence!” Rollo's voice echoed. “YOU'RE the villains here! And what's more, you flaunted your magic and mesmerized our good citizens with it... Just like you did with your prefect. You imprisoned them with you and poisoned their mind. The poor thing became numb to the absurdity after spending every day swimming in it. Mages use their magic to lead people astray and cloud the eyes of the virtuous public. It's sad state of affairs, but it's devastating when the victim is someone like [Y/N].”

“What have you done with [Y/N]?!” Malleus's powerful voice demands to know.

“For now, I am keeping them safe. But once I engulf the world in the fiery crimson of these flowers and strip every mage in Twisted Wonderland of their magic, then I will have saved them, and all those like them who suffer at your hands!”

“You have no idea of the atrocity you are insinuating, Flamme!” Not only does Malleus’s voice thunder, but the sky outside does too.

“And there he is, folks! The secret mastermind who was controlling the ‘final boss’ all along!” Idia says. “But what kind of mastermind jumps the gun and shows up this early? Dude has like, zero patience.”

“Could you not right now? You're ruining the moment.” Azul complains.

The discussion continues with Rollo revealing that his plan is already well underway. When the Bell of Solace rang for an unprecedented fourth time that night, it suffused the city with magic. The firelotuses aren't only in the school. They've spread throughout the city, and are sapping the energy from every mage living there. And after that, he opens the floor for everyone to fall into a pit.

“And those accursed mages, with Malleus Draconia foremost among them... They'll all be finished! Enjoy your time down below. Though I think you'll find it quite...draining. At long last... I shall finally mete out my justice.”

Some time later, the door opens and Rollo enters, extending his hand to you.

“Come. We must go to the Bell Tower. It is safer-”

What he didn't expect was for you to attack him with a tall candlestick. And you discover that in addition to being a promising mage, he also has excellent reflexes. He manages to dodge your attack and grab your wrists so you let go of the candlestick.

“I do not aim to harm you!” He says very seriously. “Please don't turn it into something I have to do.”

“Then what are you doing locking me here?”

“Preventing you from falling for the tricks of those magic-addled fools once again.” He comes closer, still grabbing you by the wrists. “You poor thing. Blinded by villains who wear an elusive mask of companions. But worry not, that tragic state of affairs shan't last much longer.” He brings his face even closer to yours. “Now, I will provide you with a choice. You will accompany me peacefully to the Bell Tower, where you will be safe by my side. Or you will make me forcefully assure your safety. Which one will be?”

If you choose to resist, Rollo will pin your arm behind your back again and place a handkerchief over your mouth and nose. Whatever is in that handkerchief, will render you unconscious. And you will wake up on the top floor of the Bell Tower, lying on a blanket.

You see Rollo with his back to you, looking down at the bright scarlet below. You stand up.

“For the Righteous Judge's sake, don't try to go against me again.” Rollo says, without turning to you. “Even without the use of my magic you will not be able to overpower me.” Still without taking his eyes off the outside he calms down to invite you. “Would you be so kind as to join me in gazing out over the city?”

If you choose to accompany him peacefully to the Bell Tower, Rollo will release your wrists with a smile and give you his arm for you to intertwine with yours.

“I'm glad my judgment of you is aligning with the truth.” He says calmly as he guides. “To remain so virtuous amidst the chaos of magic, you must surely be one of heaven's lights.” You see now a new smile, a peaceful one.

The climb up the tower was silent, as you needed to breathe to climb all those stairs. When you finally reach the top, Rollo extends his hand to you. If you give him yours, he will guide you like a gentleman to a point where you can both see the ominously lit city below.

After your choice:

“Ahh, the city's turned a marvelous shade of crimson... How cleansing it is. I've never felt so at peace before.”

“Why are you doing this, Rollo?”

“Once magic vanish from the world forever, no one will have to suffer with its consequences. Magic is not something to be lionized. It is an evil temptation that, behind its illusory wonders, only causes pain and suffering. If it wasn't dangerous, it wouldn't be like a toxin in your body... However... I wonder how much you actually know about it.”

You look at him as if to ask what he means by that.

“Are you even from this world [Y/N]?” He finally looks at you. “I don't know what it is, but there's something about you that's different from every non-magic user I've ever met. And the circumstances surrounding you are quite... abnormal.”

You choose not to respond.

“I see you have your secrets. I have mine owns as well." He takes his handkerchief to his face. "If you don't feel comfortable talking about your past, then allow me the right not to talk about mine either.”

He puts the handkerchief back in his pocket, and you observe the city in silence for a moment, until he speaks again.

“They will come here. I don't know which students will be strong enough to reach the tower, but Malleus Draconia will certainly be one of those who will be able to reach me. And when that happens, I will guarantee that he will be the first to fall.”

“Why all this obsession with Tsunotarou?”

“Obsession is a very strong word, I simply...” He stops to process what you just said. “I beg your pardon, but am I correct in assuming you were referring to Malleus Draconia just now?”

“Of course, he was who you were talking about just... Oh, I called him Tsunotarou didn't I? Sorry. But yes, I was talking about Malleus.”

“T-Tsunotarou?” He takes the handkerchief back to his face. “Is it some kind of mocking nickname?”

“No! I mean yes, it's a nickname, but no, it's not to mock him. It's a long story but that's what Grim and I call him.”

“Does he know about this... name?”

“Oh, yes. He even likes me calling him by that, he thinks it's funny. Or at least that's what it seams. He smiles every time he hears me say that name.” Just like you were smiling talking about him. “He calls me Child of Man.”

“You have a playful nickname for each other.” Rollo whispers with the handkerchief covering his angry (jealous) expression. “Soon enough you'll feel disgusted by it.”

“Sorry, I didn't understand.”

“No, nothing. Pay me no mind.” He takes the handkerchief away from his mouth. “Ah... I hear the firelotuses rustling... Those wretched Night Raven College mages are making their way up the tower, aren't they? Villains are always so stubborn.” Before you could complain about his words, he puts his hand on your arm and continues. “I must get you in a safer place. Those monsters won't give up without a fight.”

“Who do you think we’re calling-”

He ignores your reprimand and takes you by the arm to a small room that they will not have access to without first going through Rollo.

“I am deeply sorry for what I'm about to do, but I need to make sure you do not alert them to your location.” With his magic, he makes ropes appear to tie you up and a piece of cloth to silence you. “See how despicable magic is? An atrocity like trapping you is completed in seconds. But I will release you as soon as the danger has passed.” And he closes the door.

“Here we are.” You hear Malleus’s voice. “The very top floor of the bell tower.”

“The Bell of Solace stands out even at night.” Azul comments. “Look how it glints in the moonlight.”

“Now to ring it, wipe out the flowers, rescue [Y/N] and finish this stupid pop-up quest for good.” Idia points out.

“But to do that...” Malleus returns. “We must first pay our respects to the host of the party.”

This was Rollo's cue to reveal himself. Which he does.

“At long last, you've arrived. The greater the villains, the more they insist on stopping around. Deplorable.”

“Where are they Flamme?” Malleus demands to know.

“Safe, of course, away from you and your wicked lies.”

“Okay, I really need to ask.” Idia says. “What does our magic-less Prefect have to do with this flower plan and ending magic thing? Why kidnap them? They have no power to stop you. Unless you kidnapped them to keep them for yourself. Good taste tho. But you only met them literally today! That’s like the ultimate desperate creep move.”

“My actions involving your Prefect have nothing to do with personal motives. Innocent victims must be rescued from your evil hands! And that is exactly what I did.”

“I don't know if you would use the word ‘Innocent’ like that if you actually knew them.” Azul comments with a smirk.

“If this is true, it will be proof of your corruption!”

The flowers reach the bell and the exchange of words follows a course that ends with the three fighting Rollo after Malleus said:

“Regardless of your reasons, you will not have your way. I shall stop you for all the fallen in this city... For the wonderful person you kidnapped... For the people awaiting us at school... For Briar Valley... And for myself. You see, I harbor a particularly potent animus toward you. A feeling aggravated by the disrespectful actions you had towards  who is dearest to me. I shall eradicate the firelotuses and put all to rights. With the Bell of Solace itself!”

They lose the first fight against Rollo. And it's after that that Idia reveals what they read in Rollo's diary that they found in the fireplace. About his brother. About him not being able to do anything to save him... And you hear Idia going down a not so empathetic path, to which you would react with a facepalm if your hands weren't tied.

You hear Rollo getting angry and starting to lose his composure, Azul attacking him with Deuce's signature spell, with whom he had made a deal, the astonished reaction when seeing that Rollo is still standing, and finally, you hear Rollo use his signature spell and the sound of flames bursting forth.

A new fight, even more violent, until the sound of the flames died away and...

“Rollo collapsed, and his flames went out...” Azul says. “That means Malleus won, right?”

“Dude, Malleus is out of breath.” Idia says “I can see why he wanted us clear. We could've easily been collateral damage.”

Rollo says he accepted his defeat, but only to try to attack Malleus one last time when he turned his back on him. He failed, and Malleus rang the Bell of Solace, making all the flowers wither.

“The firelotuses...” Rollo was sobbing. “My flowers, my salvation, they're all withering away... You VILLAINS. What have you done?!”

“More important than that.” Malleus approached, his figure towering over Rollo's on the ground. “What have YOU done to [Y/N]?”

“Why do you show yourself so worried? A being like you would never truly care for someone like them. Admit your true intentions! You want to see them suffer on the long term.”

You finally manage to get your feet close to the door. You hear the worried voices of Azul and Idia telling Malleus not to succumb to Rollo's provocations. And you knock on the door with your feet so they can hear you.

You hear hurried footsteps coming your way, see Malleus opening the door, and look down in horror.

“[Y/N]!” He quickly reaches down to free you, breaking the ropes with his own hands and untying the piece of cloth around your mouth. He would have preferred to use magic to ensure he didn't hurt you, but he was relatively weak in that regard. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

You say you're fine, but that doesn't stop Malleus from picking you up in his arms.

“Is [Y/N] hurt?!” Azul asked, worried.

“They say they're fine. But just in case.”

“Something tells me that Malleus just really wanted to live the scene of the hero who picks up the princess in their arms after saving her from the clutches of the villain who kidnapped her.” Idia comments, just between him and Azul. “Hey, no judgments. This is what I call sense of opportunity.”

Rollo was furious, but he would never admit how jealous he was. Not even to himself.

You watched the shows that your NRC colleagues prepared. The music was beautiful and they sang so well! Especially Malleus. After that, you all talked for a bit in a group before Malleus disappeared. Only for you to see him dance with Rollo. Seriously? All that and he's still going to dance with Rollo before he dances with you?!

You dance with the others, until Malleus appears to bow to you and invite you to dance with him. However, to his surprise, you look sullen.

“Is there something wrong?” He asks you. “Did I do something that displeased you?”

You answer yes, that after everything, the first person he danced with was Rollo. He chuckles, and you get even more sulky.

“Forgive me, but I could not resist provoking Flamme one last time. That, and warn him never to even come near you again.” He says with a smile, which makes it a little scary. “I jest. Well, partially. I did threaten him if he did anything to you again.” He pauses to see if you would cheer up a bit, but you still didn't seem completely satisfied. He smirks. “I must admit, a little jealousy can actually be charming and cute.”

Other people wanted to dance with Malleus, but he asked them all to, please, wait a little longer.

“You are creating a quite long waiting line you know? I will not dance with anyone else until I have my desired dance with my beloved.” He smiles smugly when he sees your reaction.

You give him your hand, he kisses the back of it and brings your body closer to his, placing his other hand on your waist. And you dance together.

“Please be careful.” He says as you dance. You look down at your feet, confused. “Fufu. No my dear, I wasn't referring to your dancing.” The sweet smile becomes more serious. “I was referring to Rollo Flamme. I have reason to believe that, after just one day, he has already recognized your charm. He does not convince me that he did that to you just because he believed he was saving you. But worse than that...”

His expression turns sad and you feel his hand pull you closer.

“He still have hatred towards me and wants to get read of all the mages. Under different circumstances, I would not fear his attacks. I would even invite him to try. But with you... If he realizes how much you mean to me... Despite what happened, I don't believe he has that kind of character, but if he reaches a state of despair where his hatred for me is stronger than the attachment he might feel for you...”

There’s a pause. His expression becomes more peaceful.

“I learned an expression that the citizens here have. Heaven's Light. We don't know what this place called heaven is for sure, but according to some records from the past, it would have been such a wonderful place that it was not even located on land. It was somewhere above the clouds. I believe even the stories of the Lord of the Underworld spoke of a similar place. They say that the name ‘Heaven's Light’ was given by the Kindly Bell Ringer to the woman he fell in love with, for being such a caring and kind person to him.”

He caresses your cheek with one of his hands.

“I understand him perfectly. From the story I was told, I can only believe that I too was blessed with my own Heaven's Light. And just like the Kindly Bell Ringer, I will do whatever it takes to protect it.”

You didn't even realize that Malleus has led you to a more secluded place. Only when you saw that the two were hidden by the shadows and a pillar and he began to bring his face closer to yours. “My Heaven's Light.” He whispers before kissing you.

After your dance with Malleus, he went to dance with the other people who also wanted such an honor and you went to dance with some of your other colleagues.

You were finishing dancing with Sebek when Rollo approached you. Both you and he startled when Sebek quickly placed himself between the two of you.

“What are your intentions?” Sebek inquired with hostility.

“My intentions are not vile.” Rollo replies, hiding his displeasure at the way Sebek is talking to him with his composure. “I would only like to be able to invite [Y/N] to dance.”

“I cannot allow it! My orders are to keep this human safe and away from you.”

Rollo takes his handkerchief to his face, holding back the urge to respond to his audacity and insulting words. However, you tell Sebek that it's okay and that you would like to accept Rollo's invitation. Both he and Sebek are surprised.

“B-but...” He had those sad puppy eyes, eager to fulfil his duty. “My liege told me... he entrusted me to protect you.”

And you say he can still do it. He can watch you while you dance with Rollo. And if something really happens, he can intervene.

“But what if it's too late?”

You say that Rollo wouldn't do anything like that in front of all those people. And that Sebek could tell Malleus that it was your fault for telling him not to stop you.

“But... *sigh* Why are you humans so stubborn? Fine. But I won't take my eyes off you. Even if I have to stop myself from blinking!... Be careful.”

Rollo extends his hand to you and you place yours in his to accept his invitation to dance. He guides you very gently.

“I wanted to apologize for the way I treated you.” He tells you while dancing with you. “I never meant to be rude to you. And regardless of what the students of Night Raven College tell you, at no point did I intend to harm you.” Your expression shows your suspicion. “I don't intend to apologize for doing what I concluded was the best way to save you at the time. I only apologize for the... atrocious way in which I did it. I shouldn't have forced you to come with me. But I feared what those spiteful mages might do to you in a moment of desperation.”

“They wouldn't hurt me!” You say, with certainty in your voice.

“How could you be so sure of that?”

“Because, unlike you, I know them.”

He looks you intently in the eyes, and sighs. The music comes to an end, as does your dance. You bow to each other.

“I find it pitiful seeing someone magic-devoid like you stuck in that villains' lair.” He tells you when you both straighten up. “I am inclined to make my utmost efforts to have you reside in Nobel Bell College instead, however I've already come to the sorrowful realization that it is your heart that keeps you hostage in that island. But before we part, I insist that you know that if you ever find yourself overwhelmed by those circumstances that involve magic, do let me know.” He gives you that subtle smile of his. “I will be glad to provide you with my support and assistance at any moment.”

You give him a smile back, accepting his offer.

“But, just to guarantee that you don't forget my heartfelt offering...” He reaches into his pocket, takes out his handkerchief and extends it to you. “Here it is said that handkerchiefs are powerful guardians of the memories of a loved one. It is common to offer them when we don't want to be forgotten by someone. Despite my mistakes, I would still like you to have the most pleasant memory of me possible." You accept his gift. "I confess that my biggest wish at the moment was to have one of yours too.” Without his handkerchief, he covers his mouth with his hand. “But that is just a mere whim of mine.” He takes his hand away from his face and smiles again “Not even in my wildest dreams did I think I would have so much pleasure in meeting someone from Night Raven College.” He gives you one last bow. “May the Bell of Solace allow our paths to cross again.”

He turned to walk away, but you wanted to do one last thing. You had also bought a handkerchief just like his when you were doing your tour of the city, and you wouldn't need two. You ask him to wait and he turns back to you.

“It doesn't have to be a mere whim.” You say, handing him the handkerchief you had kept with you. Perhaps the sign of a second chance.

He receives your handkerchief and looked at it with his natural smile, but his eyes were different, they had a small, almost imperceptible sparkle.

“I will keep it as one of my most cherished possessions. Thank you, [Y/N].”

“Should I assume this was some sort of revenge?” You hear Malleus's voice say suddenly as you step away from the dancing crowd.

You didn't know he was there, and so close. You look at him and he's smiling wryly.

“I didn't give him any gifts, though. Should I have bought a souvenir too? Perhaps make a bouquet of those crimson flowers he is so fond of.”

“It seems you were right, Tsunotarou.” You say with a sly smile. “A little jealousy can actually be charming and cute.”

Malleus makes that cute pout.

“I told you to be careful.” He says, not as a scolding, but as a concerned request.

You tell him that nothing bad happened, that Rollo wanted to apologize for what he did to you and for him not to blame Sebek because you were the one who accepted Rollo's invitation.

“Don't worry, I know Sebek is a loyal guard. And that you are the one with a kind heart. I told Sebek that I believed him when he told me that it was of your own free will that you were dancing with Flamme. It is in your character to give others the opportunity to explain and apologize. I know this well because it's one of the things I love most about you.” His pout comes back. “However...” He smiles smugly. “I would be more reassured if you spend the rest of the ball close to me. Just in case.”

“Just in case of what, exactly?” You ask.

“Just in case someone else becomes so captivated by you that they want to lock you up in a tower. Which reminds me that in some tales the kidnapper arrange a dragoon to guard the kidnapped.” His smile becomes even more smug and slightly threatening. “Fu fu fu. I would like to see them trying.”

If you would like to read more from me, you can find it in my pinned post: INDEX

[kokokoula]

sypnosis & tag: you see tsukishima's childhood room for the first time. established relationship. it's fluff.

a/n: i really wanted to go back to my roots because i refuse to show that i've been overtaken by horniness. i blame it on the depression. i had this fic rotting in the drafts since last year, and i'm so happy to finally be done with it and share it with you guys.

⋆��₊˚⊹♡

you step into the small world that was kei's encompassed by four walls, gaping at everything around you.

"it's just my room, don't make it such a big deal." tsukishima remarks, his ears red.

"hush, let me admire in peace."

the first thing you notice is the number of dinosaur figures neatly displayed on the shelf on the wall. you know a few facts about each type now, thanks to tsukishima's rants. like how the stegosaurus actually had a tiny brain, and that the parasaurolophus used its crest to help with communication.

although you never did have an interest in the extinct reptiles, you can listen to him go on about them for hours. how could you not, with that glint in his eyes and the slight upward curve of his mouth? you giggle, thinking of how the cool and 'indifferent' tsukishima kei is secretly a nerd at heart. a nerd who you ultimately fall for.

you shifted your attention to his organised desk, with books propped up on the table supported by a book stand holder. you run your fingers through the spines. natsume soseki, osamu dazai, murasaki shikibu...

"you really liked the classics, huh?"

there are a few books on paleontology and dinosaurs, too. expected.

"they were alright. some of them were for literature class in school." tsukishima answers, resting his weight on the table. you take one of the books out from the stand and flip through its yellowing pages. words are highlighted and underlined, and notes written in what you recognise as his ever-so-neat handwriting on sticky notes pasted onto the pages. you're about to close the book until something catches your eye.

"did you just call the character a loser?" you laugh, bringing the book closer to your eyes to properly examine it. tsukishima tips the book down to see it for himself.

"oh, right. and i still stand by my case."

you shake your head before putting the book back to where it was.

his older pictures are framed on the wall, like the many others hung around the house. the oldest photograph in the room, you assume, shows akiteru teaching a much smaller kei volleyball. he has that same focused and determined eyes during a match now, just that with childlike wonder. the photo instantly becomes one of your favourites of him. you immediately unlock your phone to access the camera.

"i didn't say pictures were allowed." your boyfriend plucks the device out of your hands. you groan.

"please? just one? i already missed out on the small and innocent version of you."

"it's a no." tsukishima pockets your phone in his jeans pocket. "if it's with you, it's bound to be exposed to the public."

"whatever, i can ask akiteru to send a picture to me." you huff.

"i'll kill him if he does so."

you eventually reach to the last framed photograph, with tsukishima in his karasuno jersey, gathering around with his teammates for the shot. first year tsukishima is lankier with thicker framed glasses, and without the bangs. he still has that resting bitch face though, another thing that has never seemed to change. tsukishima gave you a death look when you pointed that out to him.

your imagination starts to run, picturing a younger kei with his shorter haircut, how he's studying at his desk, or reading one of those books you saw. you think of your counterpart, maybe pouring over homework beside him, or more likely, pestering him as he does so. you smile to yourself at the thought of it.

"do you think we would still end up together if we met in high school?" you wonder aloud.

"who knows?" tsukishima shrugs as he sits on his old bed. he takes your hand and pulls you into him, away from the photos. "it doesn't matter anyways."

you meet his soft gaze, the kind he only gives to you. you hope that among all the things about him that stays the same, the way he looks at you will be one of them. he really is yours, you think, all of him. the boy who is fascinated by dinosaurs, the boy who disses on people (both real and fictional), the boy who will never stop loving volleyball... he glances at your lips, subconsciously licking his own, and you don't hesitate to close the gap between you two.

kei is right. it doesn't matter if you'd ended up together earlier, because you get to have him for yourself in the end.

----

the both of you continue lounging on his bed until his mother calls.

"lunch is ready! come eat while it's still hot!"

"coming, ma'am!" you answer. you instantly got up and tug on his arm to follow suit.

"what, are you that hungry?" he says but complies.

"no, i just don't want to keep your parents waiting." he can tell by the look on your face that you're still nervous about having them like you. it's kinda nice, that you genuinely want to be close to his family. he sighs and flicks your forehead.

"you'll be fine." in any case, his parents were excited to meet you before you came, constantly on his back about bringing you over. they'll no doubt accept you with open arms.

tsukishima shuts the door to his old room as you pull him along out to join his family; he steps out of the past, and follows his future.

[writing-disability-with-cy]

[ID: A photo of a mechanical push-pull hand control system, with "Driving without legs: Hand controls and modifications" "Disability 101" in white bubble text. /End ID]

One really common assumption I see about people who's disabilities effect their legs, such as leg amputations, spinal injuries or joint dysplasia, is that we can't drive. It's a common enough assumption that it makes its way into media portrayals of these kinds of disability all the time, though often in very subtle ways that are hard to directly point to, but noticeable once you know what to look for, or rather, what's missing. It's also an assumption I see come up more directly in the replies and reblogs to a lot of my content more often than I expected it too, and almost never as a direct question, but as statements that are part of a separate point. "My character is in a wheelchair so they need to catch the bus..." or "My leg amputee is missing the leg they need to drive so their friend/family member has to drive them to the place where the plot happens..."

but the thing is, It's a misconception! Having a disability that effects your legs or even arms in some cases (or results in you having none at all) doesn't stop you from being able to drive, at least not on it's own. It's not even a barrier to driving other kinds of vehicles, like motorcycles, aeroplanes or heavy machinery, and that's because of a type of assistive technology called vehicle modifications.

I've chosen to make this a disability 101 post, mostly because it is just kind of general disability-awareness content, even if I am focusing mostly on authors and creatives, but also because finding resources about this topic can be genuinely difficult if you don't know the names of the modifications or devices, so I've provided some resources throughout (and at the end in the sources section) that could be helpful for disabled people who are interested in getting these kinds of modifications themselves.

I do want to give a quick disclaimer before getting into this though, that I just have modifications, I'm not a mechanic or an expert on how they work, nor am I an expert of cars and other vehicles. Like anything, be sure to do your own research and fact check anything you see here, especially if the more technical stuff is relevant to you and/or your writing.

Ok, with that out of the way, let's get into it!

Cars

Lets start by talking about the vehicle modifications available for cars, trucks and other similar vehicles. For the sake of simplicity, I'm going to be referring to anything with more than 4 wheels collectively as "cars" but know this includes everything from actual cars, to trucks, to even road-trains.

Control Modifications

The most common type of control modification you'll typically see are called "hand controls" and there's dozens of types available for cars. How they do it changes, but they all work by taking the parts of a vehicle that are controlled with your feet, and make them controllable with your hands in some way.

The most common version of this, and the type I use, is called a "push-pull hand control". It works by replacing the foot pedals in (usually automatic) cars with a bar which sticks out from the side of the steering wheel that can be pushed forwards to apply the break, and pulled towards you to accelerate. This is the set-up I have in my car.

[ID: A photo of the interior of a holden car showing the steering wheel and dashboard. On the top left of the steering wheel is a round door-knob shaped grip assist, and on the bottom left is the bar of a hand control sticking out from behind the wheel. The bar has a foam grip on they end, and a circular control buttons for the blinkers, horn, headlights and windscreen wipers, though the top button is obscured by the steering wheel./End ID]

One way to set this up is done by attaching a long mechanism or pole under the steering column that physically pushes down on the pedals for you when you push or pull on the control bar. This is the type that I have, and as I understand, it's one of the cheaper ways to do it.

[ID: Another photo of the interior of the same car, this time showing the area where the driver's legs are supposed to go, which is covered in a lot of dust, the pedals and steering wheel. The hand control bar is fixed under the steering wheel, and a long metal rod connects the control bar to the pedals. /End ID]

(also please excuse the dirt, I live on a farm and it's been raining, so avoiding mud and dirt is impossible right now)

There are also versions of this systems that bypass the pedals entirely and connect the control bar to the car's internal systems. This is more commonly seen in electric vehicles or in cars that are being used by people with little to no control of their legs who might be at risk of pressing the pedals accidently - in which case, the pedals are also modified so they can be either folded up or shut off when the hand controls are in use, and then folded back down or turned back on when someone without a leg disability wants to drive.

There is also portable hand controls, which are very similar to permanent push-pull systems, but can be attached to almost any automatic car and removed as needed. Most I've seen have clamps that attach to the pedals, two adjustable poles, connected by a bar at the top, similar to push-pulls that essentially act as levers to press the pedals, and many are connected to the steering wheel via a Velcro strap. these are by far the cheapest and overall most flexible option, but they also happen to be mostly illegal where I live, so I've never actually seen them used in person. Technically, they can be used under very specific conditions here, but I've never met anyone who had them legally. Most people I know who tried to get approved were rejected. For everyone who doesn't live in or isn't writing a story set in NSW Australia though, Diamond Garrette has a demonstration of how they work on her YouTube channel, which I suggest checking out if you want to know more about them!

This isn't the only way the controls can be set up for the acceleration and breaking though. Other common variations include an over-ring control, trigger controls or joystick controls. In trigger hand controls, you still have a bar that extends out from the steering wheel that you push forward to break, but the accelerator is controlled using a trigger-like button underneath, similar to the accelerator on a motorbike. Joystick controls allow a driver to control steering and acceleration through a joystick (including sometimes the joystick built into the driver's power chair), and are usually a small part of larger modification systems. Over-ring hand controls, also called push-rings, are a type of control where the accelerator is tied to a ring that sits either over the top of the steering wheel, or just behind it, and you either use your thumbs to press down on it while you drive, or your fingers to pull it towards you if it's placed behind. The brake can either be another bar you push away from yourself like the others, or grip that sits beside the wheel that can either be pushed forward or squeezed in towards the wheel. If you'd like a demonstration for how over-rings work, Des Gosling Mobility has a demonstration on their youtube page! Trigger, joystick and over-ring controls are all often used by people who's disabilities effect their arms and legs, and who might have more difficulty with the heavier push-pull bar.

Because one of your hands will usually be occupied with most of these methods though (with the only exception being the over-ring and portable controls), many hand controls also have a second set of blinkers (indicators) controlled by buttons or a small flickable switch on either the hand control itself or a different location like the head-rest for easier access. While not as common, many also include extra buttons for the horn, windscreen wipers and headlights. On mine, I can control all of these "extras" through a small control pad attached to the bar, though only the blinker buttons and horn are actually connected (all the others cost extra).

[ID: A close-up of my hand control, described earlier, to show the buttons. /End ID]

Another thing you'll often see on cars with hand-controls is either a spinner knob or some other style of grip assist on the steering wheel itself. Spinner knobs - which you can see in the first photo on this post, usually look like a door-knob attached to the top left or right side of the wheel (depending on what side of the road you drive on) that allow you to turn easier with your remaining hand, but other options include tri-rod spinners (which are mostly the same, but with three rods the user can place their hand and wrist on if they have problems with their grip) and joystick controls, which I described earlier.

I mentioned before that most of these hand-controls are mainly used in automatic cars, and that's because manual transmissions add some extra complications that, honestly, most people I know just prefer to avoid. That's not to say hand controls are only for automatic cars though, they just aren't as popular due to the extra hassle it brings. One option I am aware of is called the "duck clutch" which is a small leaver installed on the back of the gear-stick that lets you control the clutch pedal. This video from Problem Management Engineering shows how it works, though the person in their video still uses their foot for the accelerator instead of a hand controlled accelerator/break.

There are many other types of control modifications outside of these, including alternate-side foot pedals for drivers who don't have (or can't use) the leg they'd need to reach the accelerator, pedal extensions for people with dwarfism, or chin controls for people with no use of their (or no) arms. It's always a good idea to check and see if there are options available for people with you/your character's disability before making the assumption that they can't drive at all. Obviously, not every disability can be accommodated behind the wheel. For example, some autistic people struggle with the sensory processing and fast decision making needed for driving, and no amount of modification can help with that. Conditions like blindness and dementia are also pretty sure-fire disqualifiers once they reach a certain point (as both these disabilities exist on spectrums), but it's always worth checking if you've never been told for sure, especially if you are not disabled yourself.

Modifications for access

Another common kind of modification you see in cars for disabled people help them get in and out, as well as occasionally where and how they sit.

larger vehicles like vans have the most options available. My previous work vehicle (owned by a disability organisation with mostly disabled employees) for example had a large sliding door on the side that you could open to reveal a small lift. When not in use, it would fold up and sit against the door and when we needed to get in or out, you'd open the sliding door and put the lift in the "open" position, and it would lift you up to be level with the van floor so you could just roll in, or lower you down to the ground to let you out. It was a converted tradie van (a big white van usually used by electricians and other tradesmen to carry large amounts of tools and equipment) that had the back seats and a lot of the interior torn out, so you could take your chair all the way up to the driver or passenger seats and just transfer in, and I've seen similar set-ups with the lift coming out of the back as well. The major downside of these kinds of modifications, is that they require a lot of space, both in and outside of the vehicle. I dreaded taking the work van anywhere other than our planned destinations because finding parking spaces large enough for the lift to fully extend (about a metre, if I remember right) was a nightmare - though many places now have parking spots next to the accessible spaces that are kept empty specifically to help with that (if you've ever seen a parking space with stripes painted over it, that's what they're for).

Some vans can also have small fold-out ramps instead of lifts, which are a lot cheaper and don't require a power supply, but these tend to only be good if your van is low enough to the ground to keep the ramp small, otherwise getting in and out becomes a challenge. This is the approach I see used the most in wheelchair accessible taxis too.

As for the seating in vans, some people are able to get the driver's seat modified to spin around, making getting in and out of the driver's seat easier. I've also seen this in some cars and trucks, where the seat can rotate outwards to make transferring easier, or in some trucks that are higher off the ground, the seat can come out and be lowered, and then lift the driver back into the truck. While less common, I have also seen a few vans that allow wheelchair users to push directly up to the steering wheel and drive from their chair once it's secured, such as Problem Management Engineering Spacedrive system (The video linked here also contains a demonstration of a joystick control modification).

Some smaller cars and trucks can also have chair lifts installed that store mobility aids like wheelchairs either on the top of the car or, if it's a ute (a truck with a bed on the back) in the open bed.

Getting in and out without modification

Not everyone has these kinds of modification though. In fact, most manual wheelchair users I know don't have any seating or access modifications at all. For people with mobility aids like manual wheelchairs, getting in and out can be done without modifying the car in a few ways:

If someone is able to walk a little bit, they may put their wheelchair (or other mobility aid like a walker) in the boot (trunk) of their car, or on the back seat if they don't have the boot space. If their wheelchair folds, this makes it easier, but even non-folding, rigid-frame wheelchairs can fit in most car boots by taking off the wheels. If, like me, you have a car with a tiny boot where that's really not an option, many people will slide their wheelchairs onto the back seat of the car instead. Usually, this is done by putting the footplate of the chair where a person's legs would sit, and sitting the frame on the seat with the backrest up against the car seat backrest. It kind of looks like a weird booster seat once it's in. After that, wheels sit on-top of the seat. This even works with tiny cars! If a human can fit, most wheelchairs can too.

But what if they can't walk at all? well, that's a bit trickier, but its still doable for a lot of people. If we're travelling with someone, we just get them to do the steps I mentioned before, but if we are on our own, most wheelchair users I know (and myself) will get into the driver's seat, take the wheels off our wheelchairs, put both the driver-side and passenger-side backrest as low as it will go so they're both basically laying down, then pull the frame over ourselves and place it on the passenger seat in the same position as I described before. frame on the seat, footplate in the leg area and backrest up against the back of the car seat backrest once it's sat back upright - or, if you're cars a bit of a tighter fit like mine is, just put the frame and footrest on the passenger seat and leave the car backrest laying down. Then we put the wheels on top (if they fit, they usually don't) or on the back-seat. I'm a bit out of practice, since I usually have someone with me when I use the car, but this is a sped-up video showing my whole process:

[Video Description: A fast-forwarded video of Cy, a fat, white double leg amputee wearing a light purple shirt and blue jeans that cover their stumps as they get into their car, a small, black holden SUV. They start by putting their phone in the car door storage, transferring into the driver's seat and laying the seat all the way back. They then turn their wheelchair away from them and lift it so it is balancing on it's front footplate while they remove the wheels and put them to the side. With a bit of manoeuvring, they pull their wheelchair frame up, over their body, but it gets stuck, requiring them to fold down the handle bars so it will fit. They try again, but their chair gets stuck on something inside the car, out of view. Cy lowers the passenger seat to a laying down position and then continues to pull the wheelchair frame in, placing it on the seat. Lastly, they put the wheels on the back seat behind them. The video then fade-cuts to show them getting back out again, which is mostly the same process but in reverse, starting with the chair frame. They lift it over themself, then lean the chair forward so it is resting on it's footplate again, but the backrest is leaning up against the doors. They pull out one wheel from the backseat and re-attach it to the frame, then rotate the chair around and retrie the other wheel to put it back on the other side. Once both wheels are on and the chair is re-assembled, Cy then lifts their seat back up and transfers back into their wheelchair, and gives the camera a thumbs-up. /End Video Description].

Obviously though, this won't be an option for everyone. Not everyone has the strength or flexibility needed to get their wheelchairs in and over their bodies. I personally struggle with getting in and out of the car by myself because I have short arms and a big belly which gets in the way of getting my chair over the top of me to put it on the passenger seat. For people with joint dysplasia, doing this might risk something dislocating. Some power-chairs can weigh hundreds of kilograms, and no one, even able bodied, is lifting that on their own. and some wheelchairs are just physically too large to fit in a normal car, and that's when these access modifications can come into play.

Less-than-legal modifications

Sorry for yet another disclaimer, but just a reminder that this post is mostly for writing advice, which sometimes includes writing for characters who can't or don't care about doing everything correctly and by the book. It is not a guide on how to do this or encouragement to try. Do not, under any circumstances, try anything in this at home!

Sometimes, for reasons we'll talk about in a minute, “proper modifications” might not always be an option. Maybe you're writing someone who just doesn't care about the law that much, maybe they need to use an unmodified car in an emergency. Maybe its a zombie apocalypse and you can't be picky. Maybe your character just lives somewhere where the law isn't as strict. In those cases, know that disabled people have been Macgyver-ing and DIYing their own solutions for as long as cars have been a thing, regardless of what the laws have to say about it. Being in a rural area with a lot of space to drive off of public roads, I've also personally seen quite a few... creative solutions.

One especially common method to get around a lack of hand controls in cars for someone without the use of their legs, is a walking stick. Just a cheap one you can get from the shops, to help reach the pedals. I have a family friend who used to drive his old farm truck this way (again, never on public roads) and I may or may not have tried it as a teenager. It's definitely not a safe or convenient way to do it, but it's... a way, I suppose? I've also seen a few home-made spinner knobs and chair lifts to help people get in and out of trucks easier, known a few leg amputees and little people who have extended their own pedals in old farm cars so they can reach without things like prosthetics or orthotics.

humans are shockingly creative sometimes. But once again, please, do not try these at home.

Other things to be aware of

I mentioned before that disability alone doesn't always stop people from driving, but there are other things to consider for disabled drivers that you should be aware of if you're writing us (or if you're a disabled person wanting to get modifications yourself) either because they can create extra barriers, or they're just important to know.

Initially, I tried to make this section as generally applicable to people in different countries and with different disabilities as I could, but outside of the "cost" section, I don't really think that's possible unless I wanted to spend weeks researching and trying to get answers out of insurance companies and governments and this post is already really long. So instead, I think the best approach I can make on a limited timeframe is to talk about the barriers I've faced, or that people I know have faced, to kind of give you a general idea of what to look for in your own research. What barriers you or your characters face will change massively depending on your location and disability, but hopefully this will give you a stepping-off point.

Cost

So the first major barrier that a lot of disabled drivers face outside of their actual disabilities, is the cost of these modifications.

The hand controls in my personal car that I've been describing throughout the article are considered basic, and when I had to get them replaced in 2024 due to an accident, I was quoted $8,925 AUD (which is a little over $5,700 USD), just for the mechanical push-pull mechanism, blinkers and horn button, and this is pretty average in terms of price for this kind of system. I have seen them go for cheaper, for example, my first set of hand controls were second hand and it still cost around $2,500 AUD, but this was several years ago now. I think around 2016. prices for everything related to disability in Australia have skyrocketed since then.

I also happened to be working in the office the day the quote came in for the modification to my old workplace's vehicle when we first got it, (the one with the side access lift, which also had a push-pull hand control but no additional blinker/horn buttons and rotating seats) and we were told it would cost over $50,000 AUD to do all the modifications. I'm pretty confident this was also a discounted rate too, since our company had several modified vehicles and we always went to the same place for installation. Once again, this was a good number of years ago now, probably around 2018 at the latest.

Like a lot of disability aids, depending on where you live, either government-run healthcare programs, public insurance or private (usually health or car) insurance can sometimes either subsidise or cover the cost of modifications outright. However, this isn't always an option for everyone and a lot of people end up having to pay for their modifications (and all the other extra legal hoops they have to pay for, that I'll talk about soon) out-of-pocket.

In Australia, the NDIS (A disability-specific public insurance system) is generally considered to be responsible for covering vehicle modifications in the public sector, and on paper at least, they do. But like with most insurance companies, there's a million different conditions and "gotcha's" that let them get out of paying for them. My first set of hand controls were funded by them, but not without a substantial amount of arguing and a small army of both medical and mechanical experts to vouch for both me needing the modifications for my disability, and my car actually surviving long enough for it to be worthwhile paying for them. You see, at that point in time, if your car was less than 3 years old or had less than a certain number of kilometres on the odometer (I have no idea what it was, something ridiculously low), you could get your hand controls covered, mostly no problem. Statistically though, most people with disabilities severe enough to even qualify for these modifications, didn't have the money for a car that new due to systemic barriers. There was a bit of leeway though, as long as your car was less than 10 years old, you could sometimes get them covered regardless, so long as you could prove your car wasn't falling apart on the road already. Unfortunately, my car was from 2004. So... a little bit outside that window. Honestly, I don't know how we got it approved. Today, those rules are a bit different, they've extended the "usually fine" margin to 5 years OR if your car is still under a manufacturer's warranty, but the 10 year cut-off is much stricter than it used to be (because as we all know, after 10 years your car just starts to disintegrate, obviously).

There are also a bunch of other seemingly random things that can disqualify you from getting vehicle modifications covered, including "not being good value for money" or there being other services available (when I applied they originally tried to argue this with me, and suggested public transport was an option). Honestly, whether or not you get approved for them or not just seems to come down to who was working in the office at the NDIA that day and if they'd had their morning coffee when they saw your request. If you want to know more, this is the publicly-available outline the NDIS has. If you live in Australia and you're thinking of getting vehicle modifications yourself, it's worth a read, but be mindful it's never as simple in reality as it is in these kinds of outlines.

In Australia, private health insurance will cover it sometimes, and I know a few people who got theirs that way, though I don't know what the process is like. I do know private car insurance will also replace existing modifications if you're in an accident that destroyed your old ones, which is how I got my second set of modifications. Also after a lot of arguing. You see, in Australia, our disability anti-discrimination law, the DDA, does protect disability-related car modifications as essentials that can't be charged extra for, but that doesn't mean insurance companies won't try to get out of covering them if they can. Many will claim they don't have to cover the modifications unless you paid for "extras" to be insured too, and bet on customers not knowing that's against the law. Unfortunately, the DDA is a massive law and while most people know it exists, they don't know exactly what it covers and this lie ends up working. Even if a person does know it's illegal, if an insurance company refuses to budge once its pointed out to them, many disabled folks don't have the time, energy or money to actually hold them accountable in court, so they still get away with it, and another barrier is created, even if, legally, it's not supposed to.

From what I was able to find, in America, private insurance companies will sometimes cover the cost vehicle modifications (assuming you can even afford insurance to begin with) but even if you get them, another barrier arises in the form of insurance premiums. unlike the DDA, their ADA doesn't always protect the modifications as essentials. Because of that, it's not uncommon to have to pay more on car insurance if you do have them and want them covered, which presents a different kind of cost barrier and makes driving with them legally riskier.

Legal restrictions and getting "approved" for use

I mentioned this in passing before, but in order to get modifications for your vehicle, at least in Australia, you actually have to get "approved" by your state government to be able to use them at all. Also, in NSW, for control modifications like hand controls, once you're approved to use them, that's all you're allowed to use. This means, if you and your friend both own a car with different kinds of hand controls, you're not allowed to use the other person's car. This was actually the case for me and my previous roommate, she had an over-ring, while I had the push-pull mechanism. Legally, we couldn't drive each other's cars. Despite both having hand controls and being physically able to drive each other's cars, we weren't legally allowed to.

This is because in most places around the world, the modification of cars in general and specifically the use of alternate controls systems like hand controls are very heavily restricted for a variety of safety reasons (some of which are reasonable, and others... eh... not so much) - Even some US states forbid things like spinner knobs from being used without state government approval. Australia is... a little extra in this regard, to put it mildly, and their restrictions can be serious barriers all on their own.

Usually, to get approved to use modifications here, you have to go out with an Occupational therapist to test which type of modifications work for you. For control modifications specifically, once a best fit is found, this will be added as a condition to your licence, meaning you can now only drive with that style of control. This isn't too bad if you get your modifications covered by the NDIS or insurance, since they'll usually cover the cost of the OT as part of this, but if you're one of the unlucky people that can't get covered, you also have to pay for the OT, which can be thousands of dollars on top of the other costs.

Access to installation and maintenance

Another major barrier for a lot of disabled people who need these kinds of modifications is physical access to someone who can actually put them in and maintain them.

You see, not just any mechanic can install disability modifications, especially control modifications. You have to go to a specific type of engineer. The only exception to this rule, as far as I'm aware, is the portable hand control, which is a big part of the reason why they're banned in my state, as they can't be assumed to be safe.

Unfortunately, this is a pretty niche area of speciality, so there aren't a lot of options to get the installations done. There are only 8 in all of NSW (which has an area bigger than 3 times the entire UK), according to Australia's National Equipment Database, and the vast majority of them are in the Greater Sydney Region. This means, if you don't live near Sydney, you're out of luck for the most part, unless you can spare a few days to make the trip (since the installation can also take some time). Some companies do offer to come and get the vehicle for you, but not all, and even those that do, may not be able to come get it if you're 8+ hours away.

And that's just the installation. Thankfully, normal car maintenance still can be done by a general mechanic, even with modifications installed, but if anything happens to the modifications themselves, you normally have to go back to the person who installed them for repairs. Personally, I now live around 4 hours out of Sydney, and around Christmas, the wiring in my hand controls failed. It was a simple repair, but my partner and I had to go all the way back to Sydney for it, and we had a lot going on at the time, so we had no choice but to leave it for over a month. Meaning there was a whole month where I just couldn't drive.

Uneducated Law Enforcement

Ok, so this one is kind of a... luck of the draw situation and it's not a common barrier in my personal experience, but I also recognise that, as a white person who can still pass as cis if needed, my experience here won't be universal. Disabled people with intersecting identities such as POC and visibly queer folks, may have a substantially harder time with this.

Unfortunately, because disability modifications are not super common in the general public, it's not uncommon for police to have never seen them before. And when police don't know about something, that can become your problem very quickly. Most of the time, there's no issue, but I have been accused on two separate occasions of having "illegal racing modifications" in my car, because the police didn't know what a hand control was and jumped to that assumption (I'm not even sure what they would have been confusing them for, I've seen racing mods and they don't look anything like hand controls). I was also once told I'd have to get my car towed when on my way to get it checked by a mechanic for registration, because the officer didn't believe me that a regular mechanic could do it due to my hand controls, so obviously I must be lying and trying to drive my unregistered car around town (I don't know what the law is in other places, but here you are allowed to drive an unregistered vehicle to the mechanics if they know you’re coming). Both situations were pretty minor and were resolved quickly, but they could have easily been a lot worse if the officers decided not to believe me, or in the case of the second situation, they didn’t believe the mechanic who had to be called to convince the officer I was telling the truth.

Other Kinds of Vehicles and Modifications

Cars aren't the only vehicle you can modify to drive with a disability, they're just the most common! Honestly, each other vehicle was originally going to be it's own segment, but this post is already incredibly long, so here's just a quick overview of the modifications I know about for other vehicles!

Motorbikes and trikes often don't need much in the way of control modification for most riders, but many bikes can be modified to be easier to balance on or hold a wheelchair, either on the back or side, and trikes can be made to allow the rider to stay and ride from their wheelchair directly.

The laws for this are different everywhere, but in Australia and the UK, light aircraft can also be modified to be accessible to people with some physical disabilities, including wheelchair users with hand controls. Wheelies With Wings is a Melbourne based organisation the specialises in helping wheelchair users learn to fly . For those in the UK, Freedom of the Air offer similar services. Though as you might expect, there are some pretty substantial cost barriers involved for this.

I also know a few people who have also (legally) modified their farm equipment, like tractors or even heavy machinery, like bulldozers.

Pretty much anything can be modified. More often than not, if something can't be, it's usually more due to legal problems than it being physically impossible.

Conclusion

There's so many kinds of vehicle modifications out there, for all different kinds of vehicles, this is really just a general overview, so be sure to research what would be applicable to you or your characters

Sources

Over Ring Accelerator Demonstration

Driving With A Disability - Portable Hand Controls

Duck Hand-Operated Clutch System

NDIS vehicle mods PDF

Vehicle Modification Agents Vehicle Modification Agents Database

Wheelies With Wings Facebook page Link

Freedom of the Air Link

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Queen of the Night

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.5k (including lyrics)

Warnings: injured!dean, minor angst

Summary: Dean turns to you in a time of need despite the judgmental whispers from your friends. Dean has always been the love of your life, and you’re done trying to hide it.

Square Filled: queen of the night- hey violet (2020) for @spnsongchallengebingo

Author’s Note: this is based on the song Queen of the Night by Hey Violet

x

I've bandaged your bruises, you've held back my hair Who'd've known when this started that we'd end up here, here? But you reach out and touch me, say my name like a prayer All my friends say you're dangerous, but I don't fucking care

The rain splatters on the window hard, threatening to come inside with every shake of the house. The girls came over early in the evening so they were all here before the storm started. Your friends have transformed your living room from a minimalistic vibe to that of a fairytale. Lights on strings hang from the ceiling, two tents made of up blankets cover nearly every piece of furniture, the place smells of popcorn, and pillows cover the entire floor.

It’s perfect for movie night.

“Okay, here is the last bowl of popcorn. I am making no more,” Jessica claims.

“You’ve already made six bowls,” Monica snickers and shoves a handful of popcorn into her mouth.

“What movie are we watching next?” you ask.

“You’ve Got Mail,” Stacy grins. “I made sure to bring over the director’s cut version, too.”

The girls groan but you know they don’t mind watching that version. Stacy always brings that movie, so it’s more about giving your thoughts than actually watching the movie. Someone rings on the doorbell, and you look at the app to track the food you ordered.

“That should be the pizza,” you say. “I’ll get it.”

You walk to the front door and pull down your shirt to cover your stomach. Your favorite shirt has been in the dryer so often that you believe it’s shrunk. You open the door expecting to see the pizza, but Dean stands there instead.

No, not standing. He’s leaning against the door frame, bloody from head to toe. He’s injured. He didn’t go to the hospital. He came to you.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he chuckles.

He leans in closer but ends up falling into your arms. Jessica screams when she sees the bloody man, putting all your friends on alert. You struggle to keep him up but you manage to get him inside and out of the rain.

“Who is that?” Monica asks.

“Dean. I’ll be right back.” You practically drag Dean into the downstairs bathroom, and he sits on the closed toilet seat. “Where does it hurt?”

“Everywhere,” he whispers.

“Wait here.” You leave the bathroom and walk into your kitchen where the first aid kit is. All your friends are staring at you like you have two heads. “What?”

“Nothing,” Stacy mutters.

With a shake of your head, you walk back into the bathroom. Dean has his shirt off but keeps his pants on, and you stop yourself from drooling all over him. Yes, he looks good. Too good, in fact.

“Y/N,” he mumbles.

“I’m here, Dean.”

You unpack the first aid kit and start to clean his wounds. He should have gone to the hospital with claw marks like these ones. Where’s Sam? Why isn’t he able to do this? Is he just as bad? Dean hisses when you press the alcohol pad on his wounds but gives no other reaction. You’re not equipped to give him stitches so you do your best with what you have. Before you know it, there are two piles of bloody tissues on the ground.

“Okay, Dean, you need to go to the hospital. Some of these wounds need stitches.”

“Later,” he sighs.

“Okay, well, let’s get you into bed.”

He uses you as support as you walk him to the downstairs guest bedroom. He falls onto his back and you heave both legs onto the bed. He is already snoring before you can undress him. That task is a lot harder for you to do considering he weighs a ton, but you manage to get him stripped down to his briefs. You walk to the laundry room and throw his clothes into the wash so they’ll be clean for when he wakes up.

“Are you going to tell us who that is and why he’s all bloody?” Jessica asks when you return to the girls.

“I don’t know what happened to him.” That’s a lie. You know some monster got to him but the last thing you’re gonna do is tell the girls that. “He’s sleeping right now.”

“Who is he?” Monica asks.

“Dean Winchester.”

“Dean Winchester? Is that the same Dean who got in trouble with the law?”

“Is that the same Dean who has a knife and gun collection?” Stacy asks after Jessica.

“Yes.”

“Girl, you gotta get out. That man is dangerous.”

You hear what they’re saying but you honestly don’t give a fuck about their opinions and their advice. They don’t know him like you do, and the thought of cutting him out of your life is heartbreaking.

When the night goes quiet and we're up in your room And you're kissing my fingers, and I kiss your tattoos I could play in bed with you and talk shit forever-ever If this is all a dream, wake me up never, never, never Swear to God, cross my heart, no one does it better, better Boy I luh ya, always gonna

Dean is in town for a few days after going to the hospital to get stitched up, and he decides to spend it all with you. Your friends were apprehensive when you told them he was staying with you but you don’t care what they think.

The doctor told Dean to take it easy so you two are in bed watching a movie, but neither of you is paying attention to it. You snuggle up to his side and run your hand down the bandages on his chest. He reaches up and grabs your hand, intertwining your fingers with him. Whenever he is in the same town as you, he makes sure to spend time with you even if it’s only for a few hours.

“So, where is Sam?”

“Sick.”

“You went on a hunt solo?” He nods. “Why not give it to some other hunter?”

“Didn’t need to. I handled it.”

“You got hurt.”

“I had you to fix me,” he smiles.

“You’ll always have me to fix you,” you whisper. “I hate that you’re leaving me in a few days.” Dean doesn’t say anything about that because what is there to say? “You could take me with you, you know.”

“Your life is here.”

“My life is anywhere where you are.”

“Y/N,” he whispers. “I’m dangerous.”

“I don’t care.”

“My life is full of monsters.”

“Mine isn’t? You’ve met my dad and brother,” you say in a low voice.

Dean deals with supernatural monsters while you had two human monsters living under the same roof as you.

“You’ll probably get killed.”

“Better by your side than alone, right?” Dean sighs but you don’t want to upset him further. You lean up and kiss him, and he accepts your touch. “Let’s talk about this tomorrow morning.”

“Okay,” he whispers.

'Cause there's something about it that brings me to life Yeah, I know all the consequences, I don't mind This holy redemption tears us in two But I can't turn my back to you Wearing your t-shirt, I'm queen of the night One hand on the wheel, and one hand on my thigh And I know it sounds crazy, but, babe, I am too I just can't turn my back to you

Being with Dean is dangerous and it definitely shortens your lifespan by at least a decade, but you’d rather be by his side where you feel more free than you ever did. Sure, monsters are always a threat but the reward is worth the risk. You’re too in love with him to care about anything other than him.

Life has given you plenty of times to abandon him but you never did. You always came whenever he called, you always fixed him whenever he was broken, and you always made time for him. You two never had the “what are we?” conversation, but you two were exclusive. No other man in your life mattered more than him, and he never slept with another woman since claiming you were his.

It didn’t take much convincing on your part to let him take you with him. He had to get back to the Bunker, and he took you with him. You let Jessica sublet from your place with all the furniture. All you had to do was pack two bags and you were all set. Your friends weren't happy to see you go but Jessica knew you hadn’t been happy in a long time. She doesn’t like Dean but she knew being in the same city as your dad and brother would have gotten you killed eventually.

You’re sitting in the passenger seat of the Impala with the windows down, allowing the wind to knot your hair. Dean gave you one of his shirts to wear which is ten times more comfier than the shirts you own. He has one hand on the wheel and the other resting on your thigh. He doesn’t move it but it sends shivers down your spine knowing he can.

You look at Dean and rest your head on the back of the seat, grinning when he looks over at you with a dazzling smirk.

x

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[pinkiemachine]

Hello! I've really enjoyed your work for a while and have a Batman question for you!

How do you feel about Maps?

I HAVE PLANS

I’m just a little nervous to share them because it ties into shipping…

But since someone in the comments asked...

Okay, so, before, during, and/or after Damian's crush on Amythest (link to that full story below) he was going to West-Reeve School and had a group of friends there, including Jon Kent (jus kidding, Jon had a friend group, and Damian just happened to be in it, lol). One of these friends was Mia, aka Maps. Now, like a lot of characters, I haven't gotten around to really truly reading up on Maps as much as I want, so there are a lot of details I'm missing from this story, but what I have so far is:

Maps was always getting caught up in adventures, intentionally or accidentally. She's a bit rambunctious, and very intelligent. For example, she wound up stumbling into a serious criminal case that Damian and Bruce were working on at the time, and she was completely oblivious (like, she was focused on this other thing at the time). Damian was with her during their trip into Metropolis' version of Crime Alley, so he had to protect her from (idk, scarecrow? riddler? whoever, I haven't gotten that far) all while trying to make sure she doesn't notice that he's doing all this karate and parkour and bending over backwards to keep the villains from hurting her. lol. BUT, actually, one day she does notice. One day she puts two and two together and realises that Damian is Robin. She doesn't confront him, though. She actually doesn't tell anyone. Quite frankly, she's a little starstruck at the idea of her classmate being ROBIN, and she doesn't know what to do with that information. She decides to simply keep his secret, for his sake. Imagine if the whole school found out, or worse, Gotham's criminals. But so, to sum up, Dami and Maps are good friends, nothing more.

Eventually, Damian gets kicked out of West-Reeve and starts going to Gotham Academy. Which means he and Maps part ways.

We are now in the depths of high school. I know. Ew. During this time, Damian meets and begins dating Nika, aka Flatline. They have a very exciting, very fun relationship, forged in the heat of youthful passion! Aka, it's cute. But, as time goes on, some of their flaws start cropping up. Like the fact that Damian is beginning to understand what a terrible thing death and killing are, while Nika is actively fascinated by death--drawn to it. She also looks up to Damian's mom for her awesome assassin skills. Also, it begins to become clear that while they do like one another and have fun together, there's not much more to it than that. Nika and Damian both have a hard time communicating their feelings, but after a year of being together, Damian is beginning to want to take the next step, and... Nika isn't.

Valentine's Day. Damian and Nika's first. All of Damian's bat-sibs have been in his ear about how to plan the perfect date--where to go, what to eat, what to wear--they will not shut up about it. In the end, he goes to the trouble of planning out an elaborate date and feels rather proud of himself. He waits at the table for Nika to arrive--since they had agreed to meet at the restaurant--but... she doesn't show. He waits a little longer... he texts her... she still doesn't come and doesn't text. And now he's starting to just feel depressed. He put in a lot of hard work, and she's ghosting him? Why? She's never done that before. It begins to rain outside.

While he's sitting alone at the table, who should approach him but Maps herself, a little older now, and a little more mature. She and her parents are in town for some business stuff her dad's doing and when she spots Damian--out of the manor, alone in the restaurant--she just has to stop and say 'hi.' Well, she ends up saying a lot more than just 'hi.' Damian is happy to see an old friend, and they start talking... and talking some more... there in the cozy restaurant while the rain patters against the windows. Damian is smiling. And laughing. She is too. Then Damian offers to walk Maps home, and they talk a little longer, not wanting the night to end. It's only when they're waving goodbye, and Damian watches that big smile spread across her face and feels his cheeks growing warm that he gets this sinking feeling.

He goes to Dick's house at once, seeking council. It doesn't matter that it's midnight and he's got a baby now, Damian needs to know what just happened and what to do about it. So, tired but sympathetic, Dick lets him in and they talk about the events of the evening. Dick reaffirms what Maps said, "Maybe there's a good reason why Nika didn't show" and that there's no reason to panic. Just take this one day at a time. Nothing truly bad or irreversable has happened yet.

So Damian goes and finds Nika, asking why she flaked on their date, and she says it was an honest mistake. Something (plot) related came up and she forgot to tell Damian that she wouldn't be available anymore. Whoops. So crisis averted. Damian convinces himself that the night with Maps was just two old friends catching up--his relationship with Flatline is fine--and there's nothing to worry about.

Just kidding.

Nika has a few more little incidents after this, like flaking again, or showing up when she wasn't expected (often at inconvenient times) Damian keeps getting frustrated with her, not just because of her seemingly immature behaviour, but also (as stated before) there doesn't seem to be anything truly substancial holding the relationship together besides some rather surface-level things, and Nika is intentionally trying to keep it that way. Eventually, they have a fight where Damian confronts her on this. He just wants to know the real her, he doesn't want just a "fun" relationship. Nika, however, still feels like she isn't ready, and she deflects. She falls back on old habits, she ignores, she retaliates, she tries to make things stay the way they were before, but Damian has outgrown that.

The fight ends bad. They try to make up after, but they have another fight a while later... and then, in a twist, it's Nika who breaks off the relationship. Maybe they could have worked, but... not right now.

When Maps shows up again, it's not as a rebound, don't worry. She shows up as a friend. She's there to console Damian, nothing more. She feels partially responsible for all of this, actually, and regrets any part she played in it, but Damian assures her that this was a long time coming and wasn't her fault. During her visits, they end up talking more, completely just by chance. No pressure, no elaborate dates, just two friends talking. Once Damian is moving on and getting back into his old groove, (aka a brief timeskip) he decides to call up Maps and asks if she would like to hangout.

Not sure how fast I want things to move, or what kinds of challenges they will face as a couple, all I know is... Maps is a serious contender for the title of Mrs. Damian Wayne. I'll leave it at that.

Your thoughts?

Oh, previous stuff about Dami's love life here:

[technofeudalism]

i've got one more wall of text in me for today. i'm sorry, but hopefully this helps more people than it annoys.

i understand the concerns people have about social media being captured to technofascist oligarchs and i share them.

however, and you can call me a boomer for this if you'd like, i am way more worried about the fact that we are watching a scarier replay of the 2016 hyper-normalization of Donald Trump already being carried out in mainstream/establishment news outlets.

Some political operatives on the right, who saw mainstream media coverage of Trump’s first term as overly hostile, say the way the press covered Trump’s first term unwittingly did him a favor.   “I do expect that the media coverage will be a little different in tone,” one national Republican strategist told The Hill this week. “Not because the media is all of a sudden planning on being more objective and less biased, but because they probably finally recognize that their over-the-top hysterical coverage has done nothing but help Trump politically.”  

there are many reason this freaks me out worse, but i can sum up a couple of them.

the rhetoric this time is a magnitude more insane and suddenly alarmingly expansionist. logic would suggest this would justify an even more critical evaluation from the media that they are seemingly neglecting to provide.

the public, thanks to total dereliction of duty by the Democrats, are far more geared up for fascist shit than ever, but are totally ignorant to how this is going to happen (concentration camps)

speaking of the Democratic party: following a series of humiliating, high profile L's, the party finds themselves leaderless and less popular than they've been in 30 years at the worst time. when asked to name the leader of the Democratic Party, 49% of registered voters couldn’t name a person or said “nobody.”

before i continue, i know that there has been a dramatic decrease in people who get their news from traditional media and instead rely on social media, podcasts and the like. that makes sense. people aren't watching cable news anymore, chiefly because fewer and fewer people under the age of 30 even have cable TV and they definitely aren't paying for a New York Times subscription.

but what people fail to consider is that the "news" people consume via social media is often rehashed or half-baked, word of mouth versions of reporting conducted by the mainstream media or the journalists who work for them. there are still journalists working for these publications who take advantage of the increased exposure podcasts provide and go on them to talk about their writing.

people hear the same stories at the end of the day, but the way the issue is initially framed when the story first "breaks" and how it is approached by other outlets who follow up on it is significant. it's a lot less work to have to clean up and suppress news on your platform when the news is already favorable to your cause.

think along the lines of a massive disinformation campaign emerging from one outlet, social media being thrown into a complete frenzy and the only journalist who knows the truth from another outlet hesitating to speak out because of threats from his publisher to keep outrage revenue high or, perhaps more ominously, to directly serve the interest of the fascists in charge.

the US media has always been servile to whims of corporate interests because... well... they are owned by the corporate interests.

but up until today, i was holding out some sliver of hope that even if the NYT, for example, wasn't taking up antifascist actions, they would hold onto a tiny bit of reliability as a further watered down version of itself. an increasingly rare, delicate weapon against misinformation on social media, as opposed to being another tool wielded by fascists on aforementioned social media to grow legitimacy and manufacture consent.

then i saw this. my feeling is now that if the New York Times can't even write a headline - with THAT photograph underneath it - that says in plain English "Elon Musk Makes Nazi Salute Twice at Trump Inauguration," then there is going to be a frightening decrease in quality journalism being funded by mainstream outlets coming.

if you are not sure what to do and you want to be well informed, i have two suggestions. the first and most important, most difficult one that is a skill hard to master, is to develop decent media literacy and an ability to derive context from history.

the second is to build a network of trustworthy local, national and global sources that you can count on. ideally, they would be completely independent and free from editorial oversight or corporate control.

here are some of my recommendations. all of them are flawed. never rely on one source. do not immediately accept something as the truth from any single source. everyone is capable of accidentally getting a detail wrong, or even deliberately misleading.

Dropsite News - ran by Ryan Grim, Jeremy Scahill

The Intercept - sadly running out of money, alleged CIA ties

Democracy Now! - more center-left, better domestically

Jacobin - wide variety, sometimes shitty takes, Alex Press is great

The Grayzone - this one is controversial (mainly just to liberals) and they make no qualms about being committed to reporting from an anti-imperialist view of the world

Black Agenda Report - perspective from Black leftists. founded by Glen Ford (RIP), a Black Panther and accomplished investigative journalist

Hasan Piker - hate him, love him, neutral, doesn't matter. he's the largest independent political commentator on the left (by far), covering news and misinformation 9 hours a day. you can think he has shit takes, but he's still a reliable source and has been insanely accurate with his opinions

The Majority Report - been around forever, Sam Seder & Emma Vigeland are amazing, once home to the incredible Michael Jamal Brooks (RIP)

Breakthrough News

Labor Notes

Ben Norton @ Global Political Economy

Caitlin Johnstone (AUS)

these are just what i could come up with but there are many more if you do a little bit of digging using these as a baseline. just remember that the source ultimately is irrelevant and will have it's own biases. it is up to you to separate fact and fiction.

[impishjesters]

Heavy Petting NSFW

warning(s): kissing, grinding, drooling(?), use of the word dick/cock, no penetration, no genitals used or mentioned towards the reader, overall just heavy petting themes, submissive-like Jax, dominant-ish reader note(s): This is a sort of continuation to my SFW post of touch-starved Jax. So many people, I'm talking so many have asked for an NSFW version and I decided to go far out of my comfort zone to actually write something instead of using the bullet points. (Though there are bullet points for setting up, below the keep reading heads straight into the writing.) A/N: I let Jax have dick privileges (initially I wasn't going to), even though you don't see it. I'm not really confident in my NSFW writing abilities, I've barely held another human's hand let alone bumped clothed uglies with one. Beta read by my mother, yes, you read that correctly.

It doesn’t take long for those little moments of laying in bed together just kissing away at whatever your lips can reach to turn a little more…heated

It was you who brought it up first, asking if he was aware of what more was—he immediately said yes, namely because you were straddling his thigh and your own knee kept nudging against his crotch

Jax for once is a nervous, stuttery mess. If kissing already makes his brain go fuzzy, what the fuck is more going to do??

He oh so graciously lets you lead (let’s face it he’s too nervous, there’s a high chance he’s never done anything like this before)

you start with kisses on his hands and work your way up an arm to his shoulder. it’s nothing fancy, just the standard kisses the two of you have shared before

except now you’re straddling his hips and he’s lying propped up against the pillows in bed

Jax doesn’t know where to look, your position above him has him wanting to look up at you, at your face to try and get some grasp on whatever evil plan is cookin’ up there. But the other half has him wanting to look down at his crotch, sure both of you are completely covered but you’re just sitting, well hovering over his dick.

He knows he said he’d let you take the lead but you are moving slower than he thought. Working kisses over his hands, wrists, all the way up to his shoulders. You even fiddle with the straps of his overalls before brushing them off his shoulders. He’s almost tempted to slip them entirely off his arms as a means of teasing you back but doesn’t get a chance to act on it.

Your lips travel from his shoulder down over the smooth expanse of his upper chest, over his collarbones until you reach his other shoulder. He shudders beneath you and it takes everything in you not to giggle, he’s so sensitive that it’s cute.

A gentle unexpected nip to his neck makes him choke on air, large gloved hands quickly latching onto your hips for leverage.

Perhaps his touch-starved nature ran deeper than you initially thought if he was starting to get this breathy over a few nips and kisses to places you hadn’t focused on before.

Oh, how beautiful he’ll be completely coming undone under you.

“You know the deal.” He swallows hard at the warm breath against his neck, trying to pay attention. “I do anything you don’t like you stop me, and I mean it Jaxy.”

Jax nods, he’s getting a little fidgety just sitting still but it’s not like his usual fidgeting. Irritation is replaced with an embarrassing need, a need for you to hurry the fuck up.

“Nuh uh, verbally sweetie.”

He exhales with a groan, hands tightening on your hips before slipping one of them onto your thigh. “Alright, fine. I’ll say something if I want you to—!!” He’s not even given a chance to finish the sentence before you bite down on his neck.

It’s harder than the nip from before but not painful enough that has him pushing you away. Jax trusts you enough to know that you won’t intentionally harm him. Though he’s pretty sure he’s more worried about the fact that his fucking dick just twitched at being bitten.

If he wasn’t embarrassed before he is now.

Kisses are placed over the bite mark and holy shit you left a mark! You aren’t sure why that’s hotter than it should be, you weren’t actually expecting the bite marks to stick like that? This world is too confusing at times.

Apparently, you’re taking too long, because Jax’s hands squeeze at the flesh under them and he pulls you down, finally sitting you down on his lap. He has the decency to not yank you directly onto his crotch but just a few inches away and wow, that’s…warm.

This whole situation is embarrassing enough he really doesn’t want to embarrass himself more by finishing that quickly.

Somehow, lasting long doesn’t feel like it’ll be an option though because your hands slip up his arms, one hand coming to rest on his neck and the other coming up to an ear. You tug his ear as if it were hair, forcing his head to jerk backward and further reveal the untouched portions of his neck.

A breathy moan jumps out of his throat before he has the chance to try and compose himself. Fuck he almost came, that’s fucking embarrassing.

There’s barely enough time to process the pleasant sting from his ear being yanked before you attack his neck with bites and kisses. To throw even more on him your hips shift forwards against his and fucking hell that is indeed a very warm crotch against his own. Fuck.

Well, there goes all attempts at lasting as long as he can because he’s not positive that he came but the crotch of his overalls is definitely wetter than he thinks it should be.

Tears pool in his eyes, not out of pain but pleasure, he honestly didn’t think you could cry over pleasure. Just something for extra flavour in movies where some poor sap starts crying during sex or whatever. He’s quickly learning that may not be the case.

The hand on his neck vanishes but doesn’t go far, fingers ghosting down his arm until it reaches the hand on your thigh. Bucking your hips you push his hand further up, pressing down onto his hand to let him know he’s allowed to move back against you.

You might be in charge but you weren’t limiting him from being able to seek out his own pleasure and chase after it.

Finishing though? That was your job.

The bites die down but the kisses don’t stop, every inch you can reach of bare skin is fair game. Chest, neck, jaw, lips—err teeth? Jax is too busy being a breathy moaning mess to really process the regular kisses but he returns them when he can. His main focus is on the way you grind down on his cock, it’s not just front and back rubbing. You’re twisting your hips and pulling back now and then, causing his own hips to buck up in an attempt to get that sweet friction back.

“Oooohh fuuuck..” His hand slips back to your thigh, tugging your hips down in time with his own grinding. The other hand goes to your lower back, fingers digging tightly into the fabric and nearly ripping it right off you.

Truthfully, you aren’t even doing much work. Yes, you are grinding on him, changing up the motion and pace, but the majority of the friction is entirely on him.

You have to take a break from kissing him to simply just stare down at him, his ears are pressed flat and there are unshed tears still lingering in his eyes. His usual lilac skin is flushed pink and there’s…a trail of saliva starting to leave the corner of his mouth.

He looks completely ruined and it’s only been a few minutes. Though you can’t blame him for that, when the two of you first started simple kisses in bed it already seemed like he’d just pop a boner then and there. Maybe he did, who knows?

What you do know is that you aren’t going to judge him, regardless of how he behaves or how quickly he finishes.

“That’s it, such a good boy.” Your words are soft, boarding on teasing but overall genuine in praise. He’s an utter mess but he’s doing so well, pulling you against him and working after his own high.

When the kisses stop he struggles to gain a moment of clarity to look up at you and watch you watching him. Your face is so tender and warm, under normal circumstances he’d comment on how dumb you look. No, that’s wrong he doesn’t think you look dumb, it’s just a completely foreign expression he’s not used to seeing directed at him. He’s seen that took on the face of others directed at their loved one, but never at himself.

His hips stop and his hands slip up your back to pull you in closer. It’s not fair that he’s the one getting all this attention after all—even though he doesn’t know that was your intention.

You are only a little surprised when he stops moving and you let him pull you down against his chest. He peppers a few kisses to your face, brushing your hair out of the way before his mouth trails over your jaw and down to your neck.

Jax is loosely trying to copy what you had done to him, though his head was full of cotton at the time so he’s having to make it up as he goes along. But whatever he’s doing gets the job done because you’re letting out quiet little whimpers.

“Jax, you don’t have to do that… this was supposed to be about you.” It’s mumbled through gritted teeth, the little attack was so sudden that you didn’t have the time to choke back those embarrassing little whimpers.

A grin makes its way to his face, one of your hands coming up to wipe away the drool before pinching his cheek. “You wipe that smirk off right now.”

“Nah, I don’t think I will.” He snorts, one of his hands gently stroking at your lower back, fingers dipping under the hem of your shirt. “Bet you thought I was just gonna lay back and let you do all the work without even giving you anything in return?”

Jax let you lead, he never said anything about not including you in this.

It takes everything in you not to roll your eyes, just when he was being cute he had to go and try to take back the control. Whether it was because he needed to be in control to feel comfortable or just because he wanted to get back at you for easily turning him into an embarrassing little mess, though you knew it was likely a little of both. You did sort of take the reigns from him.

His hand slipped under your shirt but never left your back as you sat back up in his lap. Your hand took his free hand and slipped it over your thigh to your ass and of course, he had to give it a good squeeze. This time you roll your eyes, a small smile tugging on your lips. “Then how about we do this together? I’m sure,” you push your hips downwards on his neglected cock, “this little guy is feeling pretty neglected.”

Jax choked out a “rude” at the comment, caught off guard at the action but quickly bounced back. “I’ll have you know it’s perfectly proportionate to my height.”

“Another time.” Your hand returns to his ear but instead of just the one, you tug them both forcing his head back. Jax lets out a loud moan, whimpering and shuddering under you before your hips start moving against his.

The trail of drool returns in no time as the two of you move against one another, your fingers stay tangled in his ears and he makes no attempts at moving, only using one hand to pull you down into a messy wet kiss. It’s not often but his teeth separate enough for his tongue to slip out, the two of you learned early on how to work around his teeth and the rare occasions that included his tongue.

Both of you move like a well-oiled machine against one another, when open mouth kisses become too much, at risk of him biting his or your tongue the two of you move to kiss one another elsewhere. He kisses your neck while you’re kissing his shoulder.

The wet spot at his crotch only grows, an occasional glance downwards shows him it’s not just his own mess now but yours as well and fuck, if that isn’t hot as hell. At least he’s feeling less alone and a tad less embarrassed now that he knows this sticky mess isn’t entirely his fault.

Moans and ramblings of breathy pleas for more fill the room, the kisses quickly get abandoned the closer the two of you get.

The hand at his ears leaves, and both of your arms move to wrap around his neck before burying your face into the space between your arm and his neck. Both of you know neither of you will last much longer, all you want to do is hold tightly onto him, and he takes the lead.

Large hands wrap around your hips, and with little effort, he’s working your hips against his own. The bite of your nails on his shoulders lets him know you are close, and even when you let out a loud cry beside his head indicating you came he doesn’t stop.

It’s sensitive and borders on discomfort but you don’t stop him, he still hasn’t finished. Unraveling your arms from his neck you reach up and take hold of his face, your thumb slips into the side of his mouth against his teeth and applies just a gentle pressure to get him to open his mouth.

His tongue rolls out and you jump at that chance to kiss him. These kisses are his favourite and he’s ashamed to admit that the kisses are more than enough to push him over the edge.

Jax cries out a slew of cuss words that get censored, even the moment of ecstasy can’t be ruined by those obnoxious censorship sounds. His hips jerk a few more times before stilling, all though his hands stay glued to you the rest of him relaxes and slumps into the pillows.

His mind is too far gone to even process that he really just came to a bunch of kissing and grinding. For fuck sake his dick is still covered too. Ah shit, that’ll be an interesting mess to clean up.

You slump forward against him and simply lie there, soaking up the afterglow. Or tried to that is because, of course, Jax had to open his mouth.

“Gross.” He groans and finally removes a hand from your hip to rub his face.

Gross because of the mess in his pants, gross because he’s embarrassed that he didn’t last long—because he knows for a fact now that he came twice. He fucking came from you tugging on his ear and now that memory will forever haunt him and have him more aware the next time you go to scratch his head and ears.

Overall he’s not actually unhappy and you can tell, despite the annoyance plastered on his face you can tell he actually enjoyed it. If anything he’s probably trying to balance out his emotions and process everything that happened.

The annoyance pools into one of his iconic grins and you can’t help but feel a tinge of fear in that grin. There’s something in that grin that tells you that this isn’t over.

[assassin-artist]

okay, I'll post what I've got for Sindra now. Plus an alternate version for if she were a Viltrumite herself (: lore rambling below the cut

Calling her species 'Vottan'. They're a healer-based society of people with hollow bones, it makes them very fast but also very fragile. Big culture based around worshipping life and birth, which is why being a healer is such a high position of authority. Most Vottan become healers, but only a rare percentage of the people are born with healing magic. Sindra, having been born with the gift, was raised in something like a monastery to become a healer from a young age. They take a vow of silence when they reach adulthood, which is the same time they get their markings that deign them a full-fledged healer (the diamond on Sindra's forehead).

Their healer culture is very judgment free, i think. They believe that it's not their place to judge whether an individual 'deserves' to live or die for what they've done, only that if they are capable of healing, then they will heal. Their fragile physiology combined with their willingness to medically aid anyone who comes their way made it very easy for Viltrum to take their home planet and subjugate the people. Most healers are left to their own devices, but the rare few that are born with the gift of magic in their veins are taken to be personal Viltrumite healers on the Viltrum warships. Vottan lifespans on average are longer than humans, roughly expecting to live to ~150 years before dying of complications due to old age. However, those born with magic have a significantly increased life expectancy, expected to live somewhere around ~2,000 years before old age.

Taking inspiration from hummingbirds here when I say that I don't think they sleep at all - instead they go into a state of dormancy every few hours where their heart rate and metabolism is slowed significantly to conserve energy for a while.

hm.... that's all the lore for her species i've thought up at this point. Let me know if you have any questions (: Now I talk a little bit about her personal story..

I made her mainly to be a Conquest ship, because I like the idea of the big scary strong man having a fragile partner. Her people being subjugated by Viltrum was just the convenient excuse so I could say Sindra and Conquest have known each other for years before the events of Invincible even happen. I don't have a set age for her but I'm thinking at least over a century by now, so they've been buddies for around 50 years or so. Maybe. I'll do the math some other time, I'm just vibing rn. Conquest still doesn't get someone to talk to because his companion is silent, but, despite her inherent fragility and Conquest's inherent overwhelming strength, she has never been all that afraid of him. I think a species that worships life would have a more accepting view of death as well - it's to be avoided if possible, but not something you should fear and dread. Plus, I've talked before on my blog about how I don't think Conquest would actually struggle to be gentle, so I think it wouldn't be that difficult for them to become close. In fact, I dare say I think Conquest would be gentler with her than any of the other Viltrumites would be... i rotate them in my head. my silly aliens

I like the idea that she eventually finds her way to Earth before season 1 begins, but I don't really have a reason for why she left the Viltrumites just yet. Maaaaybe someone lost their cool and attacked her for whatever reason and she just flew away, never looking back? I'm not sure, I'll have to think more on that. I just like imagining her on Earth trying to learn how to get along with humans and interacting with the main cast of the show.. She really just goes where she's told to go and heals anyone she comes across, so she would be a great find for the GDA. I think she would really like Damien Darkblood (:

I think she would eventually break her vow of silence and begin speaking again, but I'm just not sure if it's while with the Viltrumites (her first words would be to Conquest for sure) or while she's on Earth...

that's all the rambling i have off the top of my head. im sure i'll have more soon enough o7

[laurabenanti]

I got a couple of asks on how I did the text transition in this set. I'm going to explain as best as I can (with image references).

*Disclaimer: this assumes you have a basic understanding of giffing with video timeline, and keyframes. If you're new to keyframes, check out this tutorial by @userpeggycarter before proceeding.

Step 1: Go through, make your gif, color and all that jazz. if you're not familiar with giffing and need a guide, check this one out by @cal-kestis. Be mindful of the number of frames you have, as it is extremely important when keyframing begins. Make sure you have an even number of frames, or you will have an uneven transition. For this gif I'm at 60 frames total, and I'd be careful exceeding 70, as if you need to go back and delete... It just sucks, so be mindful! You'll see my gif and coloring under a group I titled "base" - and I highly recommend putting your gif/coloring/etc. into groups, as it will make the timeline a bit cleaner, and it's a little easier to find everything you need. But when you're done, you should be here:

*Quick note 1: Make sure your gif is in 8-bit mode. If you aren't familiar with bit modes, that is a tutorial for another time. For now, you can change it here:

Step 2.1: Pick your font/placement/etc. I really recommend being 100% on whatever you pick, along with the size. I've encountered problems when I move the font after the fact with alignment, so it's best to look your gif over to ensure you're satisfied. For this set, I went with Figtree, placed dead center.

I want to add to this by saying, thus far, I have found that white is the only color that works for this. I'm playing around with some other options, but black is 100% a no go. If you find a way to get that working, let me know. I'll amend this tutorial.

Photo of text settings, along with where you should be now.

Step 2.2: Since we're transitioning into a new set of words/text, you need to get that text ready as well. Shorten the length of time the first piece of text runs to halfway (I have 60 frames, so I cut it to 30).

Step 2.3: Duplicate your text layer, type your other text. The two texts should show for length of time, as you have an even number of frames, meaning you can divide by 2. Move it over to the end of where the previous text ends. If that makes no sense, it should look like the below: (again, folder for the typography to know where to reference. I have a small organization addiction so.. creator's choice)

*Quick note 2: I do not recommend changing to a new font or size with this, it won't look quite right. Of course, experiment away! This is just a small caution based on my own experimentation.

Now, to get to the actual fun part...

Step 3.1: Duplicate the first text layer. For this gif, it's the one that says "it didn't change anything". Once you duplicate it, you'll be turning it into a smart object. This is so the filter we apply works. Repeat for the second text layer. Lil gif below:

Quick note 3: I recommend going one text bit at a time, and also would tell you to put each typography layer into its own folder. This is really important for later, so doing it earlier is better.

Step 3.2: We will now apply the filter. To do this, you're going to click the smart object version of our text, then go to Filter → Stylize → Wind. For the gifset I made, I used Method → Blast and Direction → From the Right. Click "OK" and the filter will apply. Duplicate this for the other text layer.

Step 4: We now begin the keyframing. I highly recommend the rule of 0.3, which is when your transitions are over the span of multiples of 3 (i.e. if you start at frame 1 with 100% opacity, frame 3 will be at 0%). We'll be doing 6 frames from 100% to 0%, and vice versa, for this transition. This was the best time I found for this transition, but it's a matter of preference. Just follow that rule of 3.

Step 4.1: Click the smart layer of the text we made on the timeline, then click the little arrow on the left of the name of the layer. You'll see this:

See the little clock next to Opacity? Click it, and you get this lovely little yellow diamond. This is how we control the visibility of the Wind layer. It will start at 100%, keep it there.

Click the arrow on the right of the play button 6 times (aka get to the 6th frame), click the stopwatch again. While on this frame, and the yellow diamond clicked, change the opacity of the Wind layer to 0% It'll look like this:

You will repeat this, in reverse, at the end of the text layer.

Quick note 4: Sometimes, Photoshop is moody. To get the diamond on frame 30 (or whatever frame # the end of your text layer is), put it on the frame prior. You can then nudge that diamond over 1 frame. See below:

Repeat the process for the other text layer.

Step 5: We're basically done! Change your gif from video timeline to frames, maybe do a quick play through to make sure all is well.

Quick note 4 (it's the last one I promise): I have heard from many that when they work with keyframes, they end up with duplicate frames. I, personally, have not encountered this issue. I do not know if it is because of the version of Photoshop others are using, PC vs. Mac, or some other secret third thing. I recommend that, when you check your gif, verify if there are duplicate frames. The keyframe tutorial I linked earlier goes into further detail, and here is another lovely explanation from Nik, the master of all things keyframe transitions.

Step 5.1: Export, and give yourself a high five because you deserve it.

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to reach out! I'll try to clarify anything if needed. Happy giffing!

[keigosdear]

{bad idea... right? - kuroo t.}

yes I know that he’s my ex, but can’t two people reconnect?//…I just tripped and fell into his bed.

kuroo x fem!reader smut. exes to lovers. 18+ MDNI please.

in which you and your ex "reconnect" after almost half a year apart, but with so many unresolved feelings, it'll either end up being the best or worst idea you've ever had.

warnings: fem!reader, no physical description (aside from specific genitalia ofc). university setting. smut, mentions of alcohol/getting drunk but no drunk sex, lots of feelings/kinda mutual pining. praise kink, a little bit of voice kink, very brief jealous reader, cunnilingus, body worship, teasing, lots of pet names in lieu of y/n, soft dom!kuroo and sub!reader, very. very. soft, kinda emotional sex, aftercare and fluff towards the end. porn with a bit of plot/build up. this fic is my baby.

a trope I never thought I'd write plus a genre I've never written before? apparently so. it's my first time writing smut, so constructive criticism is welcomed, being rude is not. can you believe I started this over the summer ‘23 and I'm only posting it now?

and lmk if I need to add anything else to the warnings :)

divider credit to: @/cafekitsune

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this truly had the potential to be one of your worst ideas yet.

you weren't even going to be at this damn party to begin with, but your friend finally convinced you to go with her after a week of wearing you down.

"it'll be fun, c'mon!" she begged.

the only reason you didn't want to go was because you were finally done with your first semester of classes and wanted to wind down in peace, not at a crowded house party filled with loud music and sweaty drunk university students.

but of course you relented when she pulled out the puppy dog eyes and played the "but we haven't hung out in months, I miss you!" card.

so there you were by the snacks and refreshments table, dressed up and nursing a drink, talking and laughing with your friends. truthfully, you were having a better time than you thought you would and figured that you had almost a month before classes started back up again to relax.

"soooo? has anyone caught your eye yet?" multiple faces focused their attention on you.

you knew part of the reason your friend had insisted on you going with her was to help you meet someone. she'd never admit it, but it was pretty obvious with the way she was pointing out people left and right, making note of how attractive they were. at one point she had even "accidentally" pushed you into one of her targets, which had made for some very awkward small-talk on your end with someone you had zero interest in and some giggling from her.

it's not that you were opposed to the idea of finding someone, but in all honesty, no one had caught your eye. recently you had gotten out of a long long term relationship, and starting over after that just seemed so... unappealing to you.

it also seemed unfair to start anything new when you were very much not over him. breaking up in the middle of the semester had made it really easy for you to push down any emotions and throw yourself into your studies. but it didn't change the fact that you missed him. even now, the party acted as a good distraction for you.

or so you thought.

you were about to respond when your phone buzzed. you looked down and your heart leapt into your throat when you saw the contact name.

it felt strange seeing it as "kuroo" rather than some version of his given name or a pet name. once you hit the one minute mark of just staring at the text notification in shock, your friend peeked over your shoulder and gasped a little.

"you didn't block him?!"

you snatched your phone out of her hand after she stole it to show your group of friends.

"why would I? it's not like we hate each other."

and it was true- you both ended amicably (though very reluctantly). you only ever wanted the best for each other, and while it was sad, you realized that at this point in your lives with how busy you both were, you weren't able to offer that anymore.

you’d rather this than end things resenting each other.

still, it was a hard pill to swallow, so for now you were just holding it on your tongue, letting the bitter taste of the coating settle instead.

she frowned. "well yeah, but-"

you cut her off before she could bring up the very emotions you were ignoring in that moment and shoved your phone back in your pocket. "c'mon, let's go dance!"

later, though, when you excused yourself to the bathroom, the first thing you did was down your second drink and read the text.

hey.

do you want to come over?

you stared at the messages for another minute, reading and re-reading them over and over again before sighing. being with him for years meant you knew him like the back of your hand, and he wasn't one for casual hook ups or one night stands. you hadn't even heard from him in a few months- this was the first bit of contact you'd had with him since you cleaned out your drawer of clothes at his place.

which meant he was either drunk and missing you or someone was playing a prank and you'd just end up a fool.

seriously weighing the options in front of you, trying not to let your emotions overpower your decision making, you attempted to think about the long term consequences of going over.

no matter how you spun it, it sounded like a bad idea. even if he did send the texts, there was no guarantee he wanted anything out of it.

but you were too tipsy for logic at that point in the night, and if you were being honest with yourself, you were in need of some excitement.

yeah.

I'll send my new address.

wait, he moved?

despite being together for so long, the two of you never ended up living together, opting for dorms and student houses with friends. still, you did spend a lot of time at his old place, and before the breakup you had even talked about the possibility of moving in together after the current school year was done.

you didn't linger on the sour feelings that brought up and instead decided to let your friends know you were leaving. when they asked where you were going, you spun some lie about not feeling well and wanting to head home before you got worse. you didn't really care if they believed you or not.

checking the address he had sent you once more, you made your way out of the house and were pleasantly surprised to realize it wasn't that far of a walk, especially since you were wearing uncomfortable party shoes.

you sipped on the bottle of water you swiped form the refreshment table and tried to sober up a bit more before seeing him. you weren't a hundred percent sure what would happen once you got there, but it was a good idea to be prepared for anything.

eventually you made it up to his apartment, which was in another student housing building off campus, bigger than his old place, and took a moment to compose yourself.

there was still time to turn back and make an excuse for why you bailed.

there was still time to think it through.

there was still time to save yourself from the possibility of more pain.

you took a deep breath and knocked on the door anyway.

not even five seconds later, the door was opening and you were face to face with your ex boyfriend.

you took him in for the first time in months- really took him in. sure, you'd seen his instagram posts since breaking up, but you could only zoom in so far on those. and fine, maybe your friends had tried to set you up with people they had deemed "much hotter", but you never saw the appeal. you couldn't even remember any of their faces in that moment, because kuroo was right there.

his hair was the same as always, slightly messier than usual, exactly how it looked whenever he (or you) would run his hands through it on a particularly stressful day.

had he been stressed about the text? did he regret it?

he was dressed somewhat casually, in a dark red shirt you recognized as part of a birthday gift you gave him one year (you had always liked the colour red on him). he was wearing black sweatpants and his socks were mismatched.

everything about him was familiar, and you hated the way a feeling of ease settled over you when he finished his own analysis of you and gave a boyish, almost giddy grin. "hi."

his voice was warm and gave you butterflies. there was an undertone of excitement in his greeting and it quelled your worries about him regretting the texts.

you decided to smile back, though somewhat shyly (which you inwardly scolded yourself for), and spoke up. "hi."

he didn't let the silence that followed settle into awkwardness. he opened the door a bit wider, and welcomed you in. ever the gentleman, he took your coat and and helped you balance as you took your shoes off. you tried to ignore how warm and gentle his touch was, how it made you immediately crave more.

you made your way into the living room and took everything in. there were empty cans and shot glasses littered across the room, mostly concentrated on the coffee table. you thought you heard him swear under his breath when he looked at the mess as well.

"did you have a party?" you asked, now close enough to smell a bit of alcohol on him.

he shook his head and looked a bit embarrassed. "ah, no..." he rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and sighed. "my roommates went out with some friends tonight and decided to pre-game here. I went back to my room before they left because I didn't feel like drinking too much and assumed they'd clean up a bit..."

you nodded in understanding. "wishful thinking, huh?"

he chuckled. "yeah, guess so," he said, then gestured to an empty spot on the couch. "sit, I'll just get some of this out of the way quickly."

"oh, I can help-" you tried to offer but he waved you off.

"don't worry about it. I'm the one who invited you into a sloppy apartment, you shouldn't have to clean up a mess that isn't yours."

you snorted and watched as he shoved a ton of cans into the decorative waste bin by the sofa and took some glasses to the sink in the kitchen. "says the one who's cleaning up a mess that isn't his."

you heard him laugh at your words and the butterflies erupted in your stomach again. you hadn't realized how much you missed that sound. suddenly your mind wandered back to the reason behind his invitation. you'd be alone tonight?

once he returned from the kitchen and sat down next to you, you talked for a bit. he caught you up on the moving situation (him and a few friends found an opening for the second semester, so they decided to jump on it and try to stay until grad, hopefully. he made a joke about trying to make friends with the landlord). you listened closely, trying not to make it obvious you were hanging off his every word.

when he was done, you caught him up on your life and how you were at a party when he texted. he apologized for interrupting and you told him a little too fast not to be, which he seemed pleased with.

after a while, he asked if you wanted to watch a movie. you agreed, though you were starting to get impatient. you knew he wasn't the type of guy to ever expect anything from anyone, but the curiosity was eating you alive. you couldn't help but finally ask him about it halfway through the movie.

"hey... why did you invite me tonight?"

he didn't seem surprised by your question, which told you he was probably expecting it. (it was silly of you to think he couldn't tell when something was on your mind after years together and only months apart.)

he took a deep breath in and looked down at his lap. while he didn't look outwardly nervous, you knew him well enough to know what his tells were. he picked at a thread on his pants, trying to compose himself before dropping the bomb.

"because I missed you." he looked you in the eye and then continued. "a lot. and you can take that however you'd like. I'll let you decide."

you blinked at him. he'd let you decide? the way he said it implied that he missed you, missed you. not just missed having you in his life, not just as a friend- he missed you.

you would be nothing but a liar if you said you hadn't missed him too. and you knew that the feeling of security and familiarity you experienced earlier wasn't just nostalgia or your own unresolved feelings. if that were the case, you wouldn't be feeling this comfortable on the couch with him. you wouldn't be able to pretend things were normal between you as easily as you had been all night.

kuroo still very much felt like home, and you didn't want to let him go ever again. there was only one way for you to take his declaration.

"can I..." you looked into his eyes and tried not to drown in them. "can I kiss you?"

he looked relieved at your words and eagerly nodded. "please."

you leaned forward and feverishly crashed your lips against his as soon as the word left his mouth. he raised one hand to cup your cheek and pulled you closer to him by your thigh with the other, not once breaking away from you.

soon you were straddling his lap and wrapping your arms around his neck, quiet noises releasing into the air around you both. you moved a hand up the back of his neck, into his hair, and he groaned slightly into your mouth.

you giggled into the kiss, happy to see you still knew what got him going.

as if either of you could forget- it was muscle memory at that point. just like you'd never forget how to ride a bike, you'd never forget how to make the other feel good.

eventually you both had to pull away and fill your lungs again, but you were close enough that your foreheads touched and your breaths mixed.

it was quiet aside from some light panting, so you decided to break that silence with a confession of your own. "I missed you too, tetsurou. so much."

now, you weren't sure if it was what you said or how you said it, but as soon as the words left your mouth, you felt something hard pressing against the area between your legs and gasped a little.

your eyes opened and you pulled your face away just enough to look at him properly. your eyes met his and his face was tinged pink. "I- I'm sorry... we don't... if you don't want to..." he mumbled, not sure how to gage your reaction to this sudden development.

you kissed him again, softer this time to reassure him, and smiled a bit when you pulled away. "I want to, tetsu."

he let out a relieved sigh and smiled at you in turn, then glanced over at the door. "I have no idea when they'll be back... do you want to continue this in my room?" his eyes slowly and hopefully made their way back to yours.

you nodded and squealed a bit when he suddenly scooped you up in his arms, smile growing wider as he made his way to his bedroom.

and that’s how you got here- cutting to when he gently sets you down on the bed, and you scoot back a bit to lay down comfortably. quickly following, his body covers yours and he begins kissing you again.

your arms instinctively move, one wrapping around his broad shoulders, the other cupping his cheek as you move your lips against his. his own hands, now free due to the fact that he’s propped up on one of his forearms, caress your waist and the the top of your head respectively.

after a few minutes of him focusing on your lips, he starts making his way down your neck. they’re feather light kisses at first to make you giggle, but eventually he finds the sensitive spot he always loved to mark up and the sweet sounds turn into shallow, shuddery breaths.

you whine as soon as he starts sucking on it and you bring your hand up from his cheek to his hair. "mmn... tetsu..."

he pulls away just enough so that you can still feel his lips against your flesh as he trails them up your neck to hover just over your ear. "you have no idea," he breathes out, voice low and far more erotic than you think he intended, "how much I've missed this."

you shudder and turn your face away at the tingly sensation, but the hand on your waist darts up to tilt your chin back in his direction. one thing you always appreciated about kuroo was how tenderly he handled you, no matter the tone of your late night endeavors. he was always gentle with you- not in a way that made you feel fragile, but rather in a way that told you he truly cared for you, treasured you, adored you.

the idea that this is still the case turns you on even more and makes your brain go a bit fuzzy.

when your eyes met his once more, you could see that adoration pooling in them. “look at me, sweetheart.”

you nodd slightly in his firm, yet still very soft grasp and keep your eyes trained on his. you could feel yourself getting wet as they trail over your face, and you swear your entire body feels warm as he gives you a rare type of smile only reserved for times like these.

he leans in to kiss you again and his hand moves from your face to toy with the lower hem of your dress. “you look absolutely gorgeous in this, baby, but do you think can we take it off?” he’s still speaking in the low, sultry tone that always drives you wild- you’re certain that you’d do anything he asked of you with that voice.

you sit up a little and move to unzip the dress, but he takes your hands and gives you a look. “ah ah- let me, pretty girl, you don’t have to move a muscle.”

it’s almost jarring how easily you both fall back into it. as soon as your dress is off, his shirt follows and he’s back to hovering over you. it really feels as though no time has passed since your last time with him.

just more proof that this is right.

he wastes no time in ridding you of your bra and himself of his shirt before pushing you back down onto the bed.

the room is once again filled with sounds of soft moans and gasps as he kisses your chest and takes one of your nipples into his mouth. he alternates between swirling his tongue around it and sucking. kuroo didn’t let your other breast go unattended for long, though, as he begins teasing the hardened bud with his fingers.

“aah, tetsu… please…” you gasped out.

the man on top of you chuckles, and in between switching sides he looks at you from under his eyelashes. “still so sensitive, hm? it’s cute.”

you resist the urge to hide your face and instead opt for throwing your head back when he suddenly sucks on the other nipple.

heat continues to build inside of you until he eventually he trails his kisses down the valley of your breasts, across your ribcage and down to your tummy. he spends a little extra time there, and you have to gently tug on his hair and whine about him taking too long for him to break away from your skin.

“let me worship you, angel. missed your body so much.” his voice is barely audible, the words murmured as though he was in a trance. you feel your pussy clench around nothing at his confession and bite back a whimper.

his lips curl upwards while pressed against your stomach and his eyes flicker up to meet yours. “keep your eyes on me, baby. don’t ever want to be away from you again,” he commands.

he rests his chin on your pubic bone and traces the elastic band of your panties with two familiar fingers. “you wore my favourite.”

heat rushes to your face and you do turn away this time, but he makes a disapproving noise you’re all too familiar with. “sweetheart, what did I just tell you?”

you bite your lip and force your eyes back to his.

he rewards you with a tender kiss to your belly and a “there’s a good girl, knew she was in there…” before he pulls your panties off.

you grow nervous, though you know you don’t need to be with him, and close your legs. his eyes soften significantly at the action. you're not sure why exactly the nerves get to you now of all times, especially considering how much you like his stricter side, but they do and he sees it.

he drops the strict act and rubs reassuring circles to your inner thigh. you've always preferred your softer sessions, anyway. “hey, it’s alright. I’m gonna take good care of you… missed my girl so much, just want to make you feel good, okay? we’ll save that for another time. it’s just you and me now, baby.”

you nod and a wave of calm washes over you at the reassurance. you let him pry your legs apart and gasp as he dives in.

he starts with wet kisses working their way up your thighs, to your slit and then up to your clit before he takes the bud into his mouth and sucks on it. you let out a soft moan and buck your hips into his face.

"mmn," he pulls away for a second and holds your hips down. "don't thrash, princess, just let me do all the work."

and he does. once he really gets into the groove of eating you out, you're a mess on his bed- legs shaking over his shoulders, cunt clenching around his tongue and whimpering out little thank you's when he makes you cum for the first time that night.

but he doesn't stop there. "tastes so good, baby, need more," he says in between licking your juices from your folds. "c’mon, just one more. you can do it," he picks up the pace again, and before you know it you're begging for more, too.

"tetsu- ah~!" you moan when he exchanges licking for sucking on your still sensitive clit again. you feel like you're on fire as he draws you closer and closer to reaching your second high.

you tangle your hands in his hair and he groans, sending vibrations throughout your core. you cry out and arch off the bed, spilling into his mouth.

this time when he pulls away, he slithers back up your body and kisses you. "see how good you taste, baby? best in the world, haven't I always told you that?"

your stomach twists from the praise and you turn your head to the side bashfully, trying to stabilize your breathing. he holds himself up above you and strokes your cheek with his knuckles, watching you fondly. it does nothing but make you more dizzy with affection.

when you've calmed down enough, he whispers "do you still want to-"

"yes." you cut him off and he chuckles.

"okay baby," he crawls off of you and reaches for his nightstand. he opens the drawer and-

your stomach sinks when you see an open box of condoms. the thought of him being with other girls makes you feel green with envy which you suppose isn’t fair considering you’ve been broken up for months, but you’re still a little fuzzy and too high on your own emotions right now to care.

he looks between you and the box and immediately catches on when an unexpected tear falls from your eye.

“oh, baby no-“ he takes one from the box and quickly returns to your side. “I haven’t been using these,” he cups your face and strokes his thumb under your eye.

“you haven’t?” you sniffle and he shakes his head right away.

you pout. “but then-”

kuroo cuts you off with a roll of his eyes. “one of my roommates got them for me as a joke for my birthday. I only opened them because he kept asking to borrow them.”

you digest his words and slowly look up at him. he’s already looking at you and you can’t keep your eyes from watering some more. the thought of him being intimate with someone new when you’ve spent the past few months rejecting everyone your friends forced your way.

“I haven’t even looked at anyone else since we broke up,” he murmurs against your hairline. “missed you too much.”

you nod, finding no traces of dishonesty on his features. “I haven’t been with anyone either… I wasn’t over you. I didn’t want to be,” you admit, voice soft.

he smiles and presses kisses from your scalp down to your cheeks. “such a sweet girl I have, hm? how about you help me out here?”

he tugs off his sweats and your attention is drawn to the tent his boxers. you bite your lip and reach for the band but he takes your hand and places the condom on your palm.

you blink up at him, confused. “you don’t want me to-“

he shakes his head and tugs his boxers down. his cock springs free and you gasp a little at the sight of his tip- red and smeared with pre-cum.

“no, angel, I need to be inside of you. just help me put it on.”

you make quick work of tearing the wrapper off and rolling the condom over his length. he groans at the feeling of your knuckles grazing his skin, but as soon as you pull away he’s flipping you on your back and lining himself up against your entrance.

he knocks his forehead against yours. “ready, baby?”

you nod and wrap your arms around his neck to pull him closer. he leans down for a kiss and slowly pushes into you as your lips connect.

you whine a little at the stretch and he pauses everything. “you’re okay,” he reassures you, giving you time to adjust.

you nod when you feel ready for him to keep going and he bottoms out with a strangled moan. “you’re unreal, you know that?”

his praise pulls a giggle from your throat but it quickly turns into a breathy sigh when he starts moving.

he starts off slow, but soon enough you’re both lost in the moment and his pace picks up. within the next few minutes, his room is filled with sounds of pleasure and sweet words exchanged between lovers.

“you’re perfect,” he says, angling his lips closer to your ear. his hips stutter when you clamp around him at his words.

his thrusts reach deep enough to get you crying out for him. “tetsu, faster! please!”

“ah- there’s a good girl, love hearing you beg for more.” he nibbles the spot just below your ear, soothing it with his tongue.

“I love you,” you whimper, nails digging into his shoulders.

kuroo groans at the sensation and goes a bit harder. “you needed this just as bad as I did, hm? it’s okay, I’ve got you now, pretty girl. just relax.”

you hide your face in his neck and try to stifle your moans, but he doesn’t appreciate that one bit. “stop that, let me hear you,” he commands and you immediately pull your head back.

he grins down at you and kisses your nose. “sound so pretty when you’re falling apart on my cock, you know better than to hide those noises from me.”

you nod and find yourself unable to look away from his face, as if you were in a trance. he’s absolutely gorgeous on top of you- why would you want to look away?

“you close, baby?” he asks after your walls tighten even more.

“mmhm,” you whimper and lean up for a kiss.

“me too,” he whispers and tugs one of your hands away from his shoulder. he intertwines your fingers and presses is above your head against the pillow. “needed this just as badly as I did, hm? it’s okay, I’ve got you, baby.”

doing so good for me.

you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

you feel so fucking good, princess.

all of his praise sent shockwaves throughout your body and soon enough you’re tipping over the edge. your back is arched, head thrown back and a loud cry of his name is drawn from you as you cum for the second time.

he follows soon after and you feel his whole body shudder when he spills into his condom.

your breaths mix together as you both come down from your highs. it’s quiet for a few moments before he carefully pulls out and disposes of the soiled contraceptive in the trash next to his bed. he rolls back into bed, facing you.

he strokes your cheek with his knuckles and smiles at you when you open your eyes and turn to face him as well. “hi pretty girl, you okay?”

you take a deep breath and curl into his chest. you still feel slightly too light and any thoughts not related to him are muddled. you’re overcome with an intense wave of affection for him.

he must notice, because when you manage to peek up at him again, he snorts. “yeah, I don’t know what I was expecting.”

he knows better than to try and leave the bed right away (memories of you whining and clinging to him when he did attempt it early on in your relationship flash through his mind and he smiles), so instead he wraps his arms around you and presses kisses to your hairline.

you savour the familiar feeling of being wrapped in his arms and nuzzle into his bare chest. the most comfortable feeling in the world.

eventually he does get up to grab a damp cloth and some water, and he informs you that you can use his bathroom for whatever you need.

you’re both following the same routine you had when you were together as if you hadn’t broken up at all.

now that you’ve regained some clarity, you start to worry about what exactly that means.

you’ve both admitted to missing each other like crazy, but you assume you’ll need to have a serious conversation with kuroo about whether or not you should get back together.

you ponder over this on his bed for a bit longer before he interrupts your thoughts. “we don’t have to talk about it right now,” he starts. “we can talk about it tomorrow morning if you would prefer, but…”

he pauses like he’s not sure if he should continue. you nod encouragingly, curious as to where this is going (thought you think you know). “but I meant absolutely everything I said tonight. um, before and while we were… uh. busy.”

you giggle a little at his shy demeanour before considering the weight of his words. “we could talk about it tomorrow morning, but I think we both already know what we want from this right?”

he doesn’t need to nod, but he does anyway. “I definitely have an answer already.”

you knock your forehead against his. “so… are we officially back together then?”

he offers you the widest grin he’s thrown your way all night. “I think we are, sweetheart. We’ll make it work this time, I promise.”

“I promise,” you repeat.

the rest of the night is spent cuddling under covers, sharing kisses and secrets you’ve missed out on sharing these past few months.

“I love you,” you say, before you finally drift off for the night.

you don’t hear him, but he’s quick to return the sentiment. “I love you too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BONUS:

the following morning, you wake up to your phone ringing. you groan when you see it’s your friend and realize you never texted her back last night to tell her you’re okay.

you look over at kuroo, still sound asleep beside you, and answer as quietly as possible. “hello?”

“oh thank goodness you’re alright, why weren’t you picking up? we all called you a million times!”

you check and see a ton of missed calls from more of your friends who saw you leave the party last night. “I’m sorry, I was asleep,” you say sincerely, only twisting the truth a little bit.

you feel slightly bad about it, you mentally promise her to tell her everything later.

before she can respond, your boyfriend sits up (when did he even wake up?) and says into the phone, “sorry, it’s my fault. but I promise I took good care of her,” he smirks at you.

you flinch when she shrieks into your ear. “YOU WERE WITH KUROO?!”

glaring at him, he snickers and takes the phone from you. “she’ll call you back later, we’re still catching up.”

“no, wait-“ he hangs up the phone and tosses it onto his sheets.

you pout at him. “tetsu, c’mon.”

he kisses your cheek. “I really didn’t meant for it to come off as rude, I swear. I just wanted a relaxing morning with you before you have to leave.”

you sigh and fall back into the soft comfort of his pillows. “it’s okay,” you say. “I really didn’t feel like giving her the rundown first thing in the morning, anyway. you really tired me out last night,” you peer up at him.

he laughs. “oh really? we’ve gotta build up your stamina again, pretty girl. I wasn’t lying-“ he crawls over and hovers a few inches above you. “we still have a lot of catching up to do.”

you mentally pat yourself on the back for answering his texts. definitely not your worst idea.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I swear I’ll get better at writing smut, folks 🫡

but for my first time writing it, I don’t think it’s horrible. if the ending feels a bit rushed, it’s because I’ve literally had this sitting in my drafts since miss olivia rodrigo released the music video for this song last august and I wanted it out 🙃.

tagging @nyctophilicroses bc I remember you commented on the original post I made asking abt exes to lovers with kuroo 🥹

[krems-chair]

Something Something Yeah It's Still Solavellan Hours (Mythal is kind of here, too)

I've seen a few very beautifully articulated posts talking about the conflicted responses players are finding themselves having in regards to the decision by writers* to have Solas' atonement route possible because of his conversation with one of the remaining fragments of Mythal.

(*honestly I hesitate to put the weight of bigger game events on their shoulders because of how much I know bigger players in the company were involved, so when you read 'writers' know I just mean whoever had final say on plot)

I love reading where people are at on this, and having now breathed, re-played the scene, cried, read some more theories, and then played the scene again enough times I think I'm now able to figure out where I'm at.

TLDR: in my humble opinion, the conversation Solas has with Mythal doesn't bring him any actual closure at all. It is only the version of the atonement ending that has Lavellan in which he is actually set upon a road to redemption.

This, like everything else where I lose my mind, will be long. I tried to restrain myself and here we are, unhinged as ever.

I was unhappy at first that Mythal's incredibly brief conversation with Solas where she releases him from her service seemed to be what finally allowed him to make a decision based on his wants and not hers. My concern stemmed mostly from the fact that a lot of us are trying to be active participants in a society that recognizes patterns of abuse and seeks to establish channels through which individuals can pursue healing without the approval, consent, or demise of their abuser.

But the more I look at the scene, the more I wonder what would have happened in a world where Veilguard got just a little more time in development. Could we have gotten a scene that more elegantly conveys the theme that we cannot heal every part of our loved ones, much as we might like to?

In an imperfect world it isn't always up to us how someone finds closure, which really sucks when you'd like to ensure a loved one finds it in a way that preserves their dignity and limits exposure to the individuals who have harmed them.

And while it could be left there, I'd like to actually push back on the idea that Mythal is in any way responsible for "healing" Solas in this moment.

I went on a different tirade a few days ago about how at the end of Inquisition, Mythal says words to Solas that on their surface seem well-intentioned or placating, but they actually just serve to further bind him in guilt and a position of servitude. In Veilguard's finale, she still does not take accountability for exactly how much of a role she played in the pain that Solas, a man others have revered and feared as a god, has gone through as he cowers, actually cowers before her.

Mythal's interaction with Solas conveys exactly two things to him as far as I am concerned (I'm going to botch these quotes but my laptop is dying so please accept some paraphrase as I rush to finish this before I go cry about this analysis to my uncaring dog):

"The terrible things we did, we did together." You are forever tied to me.

"I release you from my service." But what am I releasing you to?

Because up until Lavellan joins the fray here, all I take away from the physical and unwilling emotional cues Solas gives in this scene (he is a master in trickery, for goodness' sake, the thought of so many witnesses seeing him unable to hide behind a mask has to leave him feeling anguished on top of everything else) is that Mythal has once again reminded him of everything he did in her name and telling him that all that's left for him is to go back to the fade prison and, as he as always done, endure the crushing weight of his failures alone.

To me, in my interpretation, the Solas that hears this from Mythal with no Lavellan intervention may choose to willingly step down from his original plan (and yeah, that's gonna do some damage) but he is certainly not free of his past. He's going to be reminded of it every time he turns a corner and finds more blight to try and soothe, and even the moments that he rests will be filled with more manifestations of his regret. He says it himself: where he's going? It's terrible.

Enter Lavellan. Yeah, he couldn't bring himself to listen to her at her first plea (but like damn how many times are we going to have to watch her give a heartfelt speech only for him to be like 'something something beautiful elven rejection'). But I know that you know that our clever icon knows better than to take what Solas says at face value. She tells Rook plainly that he's absolute dogshit at lies of the heart, and she says it with her whole chest.

Lavellan sees the way his shoulders slump (in resignation yes, but you can't convince me there's not a little bit of relief there, too), she hears the agony in the "vhenan" that escapes his lips (which, don't even get me started on the fact that it's been like nine years and he has no hesitation at all calling her his heart, it just spills out of him). It is not the sound of a man delighting in the steps he's about to take. They're certainly not steps he does not dislike that lead to a destination he enjoys.

And then she watches Mythal (who I can't imagine she feels any sort of fondness or respect for) pull some weird nonsense on her love one final time, and she knows it's her moment to shine.

Mythal, I would argue, pushes Solas down one more time, shames him into seeking atonement, into once again being alone.

It is the romanced Lavellan that kneels so that he cannot fail to meet her eyes. It is she who invokes their connection, not to remind him of his failures but to reaffirm his greatest strength: their love and their love alone is inevitable. Not the consequences of his past, not the regret he thinks will consume him as he seeks to mend what has been broken. It has only ever been them.

"There is no fate but the love we share". We are forever tied together.

"There is no fate but the love we share." *I* am releasing you from everything else save for this love.

Put colloquially: get absolutely fucking wrecked, Mythal.

Body language comparison to chase up the dialogue one, anyone? The way Solas shrinks before Mythal as opposed to him walking off into the fade with Lavellan at his side and standing tall, and he does not flinch when she lifts a hand to his shoulder?

Ultimately, Mythal is a part of the atonement endings no matter what. But it is only Lavellan that refuses to let him walk alone. It is only Lavellan that guarantees that his dinan'shiral ends not in a prison of regret, but a place of promise.

Mythal bends Solas until he breaks one last time. Lavellan takes each piece, claims it as hers, and uses them to build the beginnings of a future.

[everydayspamton]

How much longer do you think we have till chapter 3

I've been wanting to break something like this down all Deltarune-theory-style and this seems like the perfect opportunity! The release of chapter 3&4 also relates directly to this blog, so that's a plus.

In terms of development we're lucky that Toby Fox has been incredibly generous with sharing updates on where the game is, and whats left before launch.

Comparing the information we've been given in the last few newsletters to this timeline in the Summer 2024 newsletter, it's fairly easy to pinpoint where we are and what's left.

Public testing for the LTS update and game_change function has recently been completed!

As per the Autumn 2024 newsletter, the untested English PC version of chapter 4 has also been completed.

Chapter 3 has been translated to Japanese and the PC version has been bug tested.

Chapter 4 has just begun Japanese translation, and PC testing will begin when it is closer to completion (which according to Toby will take "some months" for the final pass of translation to be done)

The last bullet is a pretty accurate mark on where we are in the development. Somewhere on the "Console Ports, Japanese Version, and Other Stuff" part of Toby Fox's List.

We can also use the information from the Summer 2024 newsletter to know what's left on the To-Do list before launch.

Complete Japanese translation and PC bug testing for Chapter 4.

Create and bug test console ports (Nintendo Switch and PlayStation. Xbox is a maybe)*

Final Bug testing

Getting the game reviewed by rating boards.

Preparing soundtrack for release.

Creating marketing material and trailers in preparation for release.

"And more... ?" (I'm assuming this is just referencing the fact game development is unpredictable and anything could slow development, but who knows)

*⬆️It seems that it's not a big deal to make the console port, but instead bug testing will be. It also seems that they've begun work on console porting already, based on the autumn 2024 news letter ⬇️

SO...

Given the fact that we've never waited through all these end-of-development processes for a Toby Fox game it's hard to get an accurate time frame for it all. Although, Toby Fox has said Chapter 3&4 will definitely come out next year and I'm beyond ecstatic. I've yet to answer the question though... When do I think it's coming out?? I think we're getting Deltarune 3&4 around Q3 of 2025. (Q3 is just fancy talk for the months of July, August, and September). The main reason I think this is because Toby has put a "some months" time frame around completing the Japanese translation. PC testing for chapter 4 and Console testing for 3&4 is next, which will hopefully be relatively speedy given the fact they have outsourced a company to assist them. After that is a bunch of legal-console-game business stuff they have to get straight. I'm not predicting the end of next year because of how confident Toby Fox seems in releasing it in 2025, and because of the fact we don't have a trailer I don't think it's releasing in early 2025 either. But with the introduction of the frozen inu in the last newsletter, I think we're getting closer and closer to a real release date!

Toby has also been fond of releasing on special dates. Chapter 1 came out on Halloween of 2018. Chapter 2 was September 17th, 2021, which was the 6th anniversary of Undertale.

September 17th, 2025 will be the 10th anniversary of Undertale, and a date that fits well within the Q3 time frame I've predicted. If I were to put money on any date, it would be this one.

Let me know if any of y'all agree, disagree, or just have any thoughts about this... Or if posts like this are fun to read. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!!

Also... I like your gnarpy pfp

[glossdebut]

take a bite: remastered | MYG ★ 1

✧ PAIRING: yoongi x fem!reader

✧ SUMMARY: Your fledgling career as a music journalist is finally going in some kind of direction that must be on the path to success. Your coworkers like you enough to invite you out on Fridays, your boss is starting to think you’re competent enough to let you score a few bylines, and you’re finally getting the hang of InDesign. All of your hard work, late nights, and complete lack of a social life are starting to pay off… Even if it all came at the expense of the longest relationship of your life. Fine. You’ve accepted the fact that romance isn’t for you, under any circumstances. You won’t risk your career for anybody. Not even Min Yoongi.

✧ SERIES TAGS: (kind of) slow burn, eventual smut, eventual romance, producer!yoongi, music journalist!reader, neighbors to friends to lovers? you’ll see, reader is bad at feelings, reader is post-break up, now back and better than ever (excluding yijeong's bitchass)

✧ CHAPTER TAGS/WARNINGS: social drinking, mechanical bull-related injuries lol

✧ WORDCOUNT: 3k

✧ STATUS: complete

✧ AUTHOR’S NOTE: OH MY GOD! i've been working on editing this monster for MONTHS now and i'm finally done. in case you're new here, take a bite was the first fic i ever posted back in september 2024! i love this series to bits and pieces, and during my hiatus, i decided to go back through it and make changes to exclude yijeong from the plot + make some edits + add some bonus scenes! i hope that those of you who enjoyed the original series love this version just as much, because i'm so proud of how it turned out <3 i couldn't have done any of it without my friends @ggukivrse @ktownshizzle and @yoonmetogether who kindly beta read the whole series over and over as i made changes! i love every single one of you. thank you for loving this couple so much.

p.s. this series is being uploaded in scheduled posts, so some of the navigation links/masterlist changes will not work until i get a chance to add them later! search the tag 'take a bite: remastered' if you're having trouble finding anything!

p.p.s. happy father’s day to min yoongi the father of my children

CH. 1: turn a bad night to a good time

You can’t help but think to yourself that you should invest in some cowboy boots. You could make them work, you’re sure of it.

Even if you know you would never pull the trigger on purchasing any, too far out of the comfort zone of your normal style, the thought is the only thing keeping you sane—that, and the sound of Cowboy Carter blasting through the speakers of the bar, a welcome reprieve from the drawling country anthems you’ve been suffering through for the past hour or so. 

You pride yourself on seeing the merit in all genres of music, you do. You’ve always been the type of person to puff up your chest with pride when you tell people, ‘I listen to everything,’ uncaring of how pretentious it may sound. You mean it. It’s an asset in your line of work, and as far as you’re concerned, a little bit of pretentiousness is a small price to pay for the, quite frankly, baller route your fledgling career is heading in. 

But a western bar? Not the kind of place you’d spend a Friday night willingly. Your typical Friday involves you hunched over your laptop, drowning in deadlines, or—on a rare night where you clock out before midnight—re-watching Gilmore Girls and mentally compiling your latest thesis on why Rory is, objectively, the worst. 

That was the plan tonight, before you were intercepted on your way out of the office.

It’s not that you don’t like your coworkers. They’re fine. Smart, capable, occasionally even funny. It’s just… Gilmore Girls nights are sacred to you. You were finally getting to the Jess of it all.

But, after months of skillfully avoiding the weekly Friday nights out with the other rookie reporters at the magazine, you’d run out of excuses not to join them. If four years studying communications taught you anything, it was that connections are everything in the journalism business. Especially music journalism.

So here you are, at your fourth stop of your night of bar hopping with your extroverted and extremely drunk coworkers, nursing warm beer and observing from the least populated corner you managed to scout upon entry. 

You’ve been a good sport. You really have. You cheered. You clapped. You downed cheap tequila shots and even suffered through holding an intern’s hair back in a borderline-biohazardous bathroom. But you draw the line at square dancing. College may have beaten most of the awkward out of you, but you still have your limits. Your social battery can only take so much.

Your phone battery, too, you think bitterly as you stare down at the taunting sliver of red in the corner of your screen. 

Okay, so you’ll finish your shitty beer—because you’re not quite successful enough yet to afford wasting alcohol that you’re paying for—and then use your phone’s remaining juice to catch an Uber home. No biggie.

You’re mid-motion, locking your screen, just starting to mentally rehearse your exit strategy when you realize, with no small amount of irritation, that your chosen corner is about to be invaded.

Your eyes land on a pair of black Jordans (in a western bar? your mind supplies, as if you have any room to judge in your Docs) and travel up, past torn black jeans and a black shirt. The monochrome theme continues all the way up to a head of (regrettably, very nice) black hair and a pair of the darkest eyes you’ve ever seen. Anish Kapoor would wail at the sight of these eyes, you think.

As if sensing your apprehension, your corner-thief raises his free hand (the other clutching a plastic cup of his own) palm out, as if to say ‘I come in peace’, and stops dead in his tracks.

“I can find another spot,” your corner-thief says, the low rumbling of his voice barely audible above Texas Hold ‘Em. “I’m just waiting for one of my friends to get bored or injured so I can leave.”

“Injured,” you echo, blinking. That… was not the word you were expecting.

You mean to shrug, maybe give a nod to let him pass. But something about his word choice throws you. Plus, your phone is dead, your beer is flat, and this guy is—if nothing else—much easier on the eyes than the beer pong bros you’ve been observing for the last forty-five minutes.

Corner-thief grins a (stupidly charming) gummy smile, leaning just the slightest bit closer to be heard better, but still keeping a respectful distance. As if he’s still wary that you’ll lunge at him if he encroaches on your space any further. Good man.

“There’s a mechanical bull upstairs,” he clarifies, using his index finger on the hand holding his cup to point at the ceiling above you both.

Of course there is. With your luck, you’ll also have to peel someone off the floor later after going head-to-head with the bull.

"Not your thing?" you guess, glancing pointedly at his Jordans, and he shakes his head, huffing through his nose in mirth.

"No, I wouldn’t say so." 

He pauses, shifting from foot to foot for a moment before speaking again. "So, will you share your wall? I can look around again but this place is more packed than I would’ve pegged it for."

You nod and he smiles again thankfully, taking the spot on the wall next to you. 

That should be it. Two strangers who don’t want to be here standing in companionable silence while they wait for their people—your coworkers, his friends—to put them out of their misery and let them go home.

But… 

You consider your options, and as your phone takes its dying breath in your pocket, you sigh, turning to him.

"Y/N," you say, extending a hand.

He takes it in his free one, eyebrow raising in amusement as he shakes. "Yoongi."

"What’s that look for?"

Yoongi laughs again, more full this time, and your heart does a stupid, funny thing in your chest. "I don’t think I’ve ever been greeted by a pretty girl in a bar with a handshake," he says.

You practically yank your hand back, your face heating as you bring your drink to your lips in an attempt to recover. Of course.

A western bar certainly isn’t your scene, but admittedly, neither are bars or clubs in general. You got all of that out of your system in college where everyone was awkward as fuck or too drunk to care that you were, and ever since you got your degree you have lived and breathed your work. Your social skills were never quite up to par, but you didn’t realize you were this fucking embarrassing.

"I came out with coworkers right after we got off, so I think I’m still kind of in work mode," you lie, and as if sensing that you feel slightly made fun of, Yoongi shakes his head.

"I didn’t mean it as a bad thing, swear," he says, tilting his head at you. Dark eyes considering you. "Honestly, I’m thankful you’re putting up with me at all. I don’t think I’d be so kind if the roles were reversed. I know firsthand how hard it is to find a spot to breathe in places like this."

You let out a small laugh, relaxing just a little. "I almost did. But my heart breaks for a fellow introvert without a hiding place."

"At least I’m out with friends," he says sympathetically. "I’ve done the coworker thing before. It’s a drag."

"It’s weird," you correct. "I mean, I sit in meetings with these people. I avoid answering their emails all day. Why is it considered rude to not want to see them piss drunk?"

Yoongi hums in agreement, nodding his head. "What do you do, anyway?"

"I work for Look Here magazine," you say, standing a little straighter when his eyes light up with recognition. He angles toward you, shoulder brushing the wall, and you mirror him. "I’m a staff writer for the music section."

"No shit? I’ve probably read your stuff, then," Yoongi says, grinning. 

He’s cute. Hot. Charming. You can’t help but notice, no matter how hard you’re trying not to. Particularly, the way that he seems to carry himself might end up driving you crazy if you’re exposed to it for too long. Maybe you’ve been living under a rock, but you’ve never met a fellow wallflower who manages to exude such confidence—the kind that doesn’t overpower, just lingers in the air like cologne.

He wears it insanely well.

"Look Here covers a lot of big artists," Yoongi continues, snapping you out of your thoughts. "I’m a little surprised you’re hugging the wall, honestly. This place is nothing compared to music industry parties."

"Ah, I only started a few months ago," you admit sheepishly, looking down into your cup. "Not a lot of bylines yet. I haven’t made it into a room with an artist that big."

"But you want to," he guesses, and you nod, looking up to meet his eyes. He looks impressed, impressed by you, and that… does something to you. Huh. "Shit, that’s… That’s really cool."

"Thanks," you say. You can feel your cheeks heating up again, and you’re suddenly very eager to turn the attention away from yourself. "What about you? What do you do?"

"Ah," Yoongi says, fixing his eyes to his cup just as you had a moment ago. "I’m a music producer, actually."

You perk up at that. So that’s why he reads Look Here, why he seemed so interested when you told him what you do. 

"Anything I’ve heard?" you ask, leaning in like he’s about to tell you a secret. Networking never stops.

He watches as you lean, his mouth turning up at the corners in a smirk. "Probably." 

You wait for more, but it doesn’t come. Shithead. So much for that.

"You’ve gotta give me more than that," you say, and god, you can hear the pout in your own voice. Are you that drunk? Flirting for a lead in a story?

"I don’t," Yoongi says simply, his smirk in full force now. Mean and annoying and hot. He hasn’t leaned away from you yet. "I want to know more about you, actually. Journalism is hard work. I’m surprised you have time to go out like this."

"Like I said, I was forced."

"Still. Spending time with your friends or family or partner or whatever must take priority when it comes to your free time."

Why is he asking? You squint at him, trying to parse his angle. But your drink loosens your lips before your brain can object. It’s not like you’ll ever see him again, anyway.

"My family is back home. My best friend is this insanely talented playwright. She’s constantly traveling. I see her when she can get some time to fly out. Otherwise, it’s just me. And dating…" You take a quick sip of your drink, ignoring the pang in your chest. Sometimes it sneaks up on you, how lonely you are. You shrug. "People don’t get the job. It always ends in hurt feelings."

There’s a long pause, and you’re worried you’ve shared too much. You’re enjoying talking to Yoongi. You know it doesn’t matter, that you’ll likely never see him again, but it would really, really suck if his permanent mental image of you ends up being ‘lonely weird drunk girl,’ even if that’s what you are. You force yourself to look up at him. The look in his eyes makes your heart flip stupidly again.

"I get that," he says, and his voice is soft, barely audible over the music filling the space. You’re reading his lips more than anything, honestly, and you don’t let yourself look at them for too long. He may be pretty—unbearably so, you’re realizing—but he’s a stranger. A mean, annoying, hot, pretty stranger, but a stranger nonetheless. Every guy says he gets it. 

This needs to stay what it is, you think. Momentary companionship between introverts who would rather die than square dance.

You don’t get much time to agonize over it. Whatever is going on between you and Yoongi is quickly interrupted by his phone buzzing in his pocket, and his responding grimace when he pulls it out to check it.

"Namjoon fell off of the mechanical bull," he says, like he’s completely unsurprised by that news. He downs the rest of his drink and pockets his phone again, pushing off of the wall. "I’ve gotta deal with that."

You nod, pulling what you hope is a sympathetic face. "Good luck."

His bottom lip catches between his teeth, and you hold your breath. He looks like he wants to say something, torn between rushing upstairs to save his friend and staying, just for a moment.

You think you know what he wants to say, think foolishly that maybe he wants to ask for your number, and you honestly don’t know if you’d give it to him if he did. You’re so used to saying no.

He runs his fingers through his hair, opens his mouth to speak, and then he looks down like his phone is buzzing again. When he looks back up, it seems like he’s thought better of it.

"Thanks for sharing your wall," he settles on, smiling congenially. You smile back, and then he’s heading towards the stairs.

Good, you think. You know better. If he really gets it, he does too.

★ ★ ★

You get dragged to one more bar before you make it home. You’re not sure how you agreed to it, but you choose to blame it on the warmth in your chest left behind by that conversation, those dark eyes, that stupid, infuriatingly charming gummy smile. In a matter of minutes, a complete stranger had knocked you just far enough off balance to keep saying yes when you meant no.

And maybe that wasn’t the worst thing—your coworkers seem to like you more tonight. There’s a lightness between you all now, easier conversations, inside jokes beginning to form. It’s nice. Worth it, maybe.

But by the time your Uber spits you out in front of your building, you're deeply regretting all the different kinds of alcohol swirling around and threatening a coup in your stomach. You shuffle into the elevator dizzy-drunk, fighting to stay upright, the hums and clangs of the old machinery doing nothing to help the way the world spins.

You lean against the back wall, head lolling slightly, as the floor numbers creep by like they’re in no rush at all. Your reflection stares back at you in the smudged metal paneling. Hair a mess. Lipstick long gone. A zit 100% forming on your chin.

Great.

The elevator dings. You stumble out, already digging through your bag with one hand, the other dragging along the wall for balance. You’re sure you put your keys in here. Or maybe in your coat pocket?

"Come on," you mutter, your fingers brushing everything except what you need—lip balm, receipts, your emergency tampon—before they finally find purchase around your keys.

You’re fumbling and failing at getting your key into the lock of your front door, tongue poking out of the corner of your mouth in concentration, when a voice calling your name a few feet to your right almost makes you jump out of your skin.

You yell, clutching your chest, and when you turn to face the owner of the voice that almost made you lose the contents of your stomach on your doormat, you’re greeted by none other than corner-thief-mean-annoying-hot-pretty Yoongi himself, leaning against the door to the apartment two doors down from yours.

"What the fuck," you blurt out dumbly, and he laughs. At you! How dare he stand there, lean there, all hot and annoying and in your apartment building for some fucking reason and laugh at you?

"I was going to ask if you needed help," he says, and oh, fuck. You were safe from just how deep his voice was under the thrum of the music at the bar, but in the quiet of your apartment building this late, you can hear it just fine. Feel it, even. Feel it in places you do not want to humor right now. "I’m going to take a wild guess and say you do."

It’s obvious that Yoongi is faring much better than you are, although his night clearly didn’t end after the mechanical bull incident. He gently takes the key from your hand, brushing your fingers with his, and with a single turn—click. The door unlocks like it always does, like it’s easy.

"Gonna make it in okay?" he asks, looking down at you. You force your brain to make words.

"I’ll be okay," you assure him, your tongue heavy in your mouth. "Are you stalking me?"

He huffs a laugh, shaking his head. "I think we’re neighbors."

"Oh." Oh. Okay. That’s fine. Just because he’s your neighbor doesn’t mean you have to do something stupid, like see him ever again.

"Give me your number," he says softly. Oh.

You blink at him, and he grins. Gummy smile. You feel like you’re going to vomit all over his Jordans.

"In case you ever can’t use your keys again," he clarifies, his tone low and teasing. "I told you, those music industry parties are killer."

And really, you’re powerless to resist. You give him your number, using all of your remaining brain power to remember the order of the digits. Seemingly satisfied, Yoongi pockets his phone and steps back, heading back to his front door.

"Goodnight, neighbor," he says, unlocking his door with ease. "Sleep on your side."

You swallow thickly and nod, slipping inside your own apartment as quickly as you can manage. 

Once you’re in, you sink onto the floor, your back pressed against the door behind you. Your cat Pepper, perched on your coffee pot, stares at you in your drunk, flustered state, unimpressed. Offended, even, judging by the way she licks her paw.

You’re so fucked.

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[fuckyeahgoodomens]

Good Omens graphic novel update: December 2024

We promised a graphic novel treat for December to send off 2024, which we have at the end of the update, so let's dive in!

Colleen has been working diligently ahead of the graphic novel going to print next month, which she discussed over on Patreon. For those looking for more behind the scenes on both Good Omens and Colleen's work more broadly, we recommend either following her Substack, or subscribing via Patreon, as she approaches the finish line.

A snapshot from our production HQ where dummy books of the graphic novel, slipcase and other editions of Good Omens have been arriving thick and fast. The graphic novel (slipcased version shown) has quite the heft to it. It's going to be such a magnificent object inside and out.

Here, we're testing out the various papers, finishes, embellishments and more – everything is falling into place!

Merch-wise, some more delights. The A.Z. Fell & Co tote bag design is in, one side in celebration of our favourite angelic bookseller, the other as if it's been purchased from the bookshop itself, so you can take your pick.

We've got more pins that will be available in the 3-pin set add ons. While the full list will be available in 2025, we're happy to share a few more to get excited about:

On the trading card front, have a look at some of the base deck designs by Steve Gregson and Kirsty Hunter in situ as this all comes together rather nicely, and causes a heated game or two behind the scenes.

And, a quick admin note to wrap up that we always recommend checking the FAQ page as a first port of call for any queries. If you have questions tied to specific tiers, we'd suggest checking the last few updates if your answer can't be found on the FAQ. If there is any information required for your pledge, we will be in touch. We will be back at full steam in the New Year!

Thank you.

So, to wrap up this year's updates, we give you the draft of the full first scene of the graphic novel, artwork by Colleen Doran and lettering by Lois Buhalis. If you'd like to wait until the graphic novel publishes in Spring, skip everything after the ducks!

To 2025 🥂

Until next time.

+ post from Colleen Doran:

Good Omens: You Get...Stuff Like This

In the most recent Good Omens update at the Kickstarter, a few people got upset at the suggestion that you have to get past my paywall here to see Good Omens updates.

Except you really don't, and the post doesn't actually say you do. You get a bit more, like pics of my studio, a discussion of tools and process - but not all of that is exclusively about Good Omens.

I think the Dunmanifestin team just wanted to draw a little attention to my blogs and other works, for which I am very grateful.

As my Patreon supporters already know, Good Omens info posted here gets to the Substack and Kickstarter eventually. And since most of my posts here aren't just about Good Omens, but my other projects and personal stuff, as well as links to our weekly Virtual Art Studio sessions, I think I'm justified in keeping that material behind a paywall.

In fact, I don't think I've posted much stuff about Good Omens since the summer: pages of flats like the one you see above, a few studio photos, and color tweaks.

Also, me boo-hooing about my nerves and health.

But for those who feel left out missing even this small amount of stuff, then the screen shot above is for you.

That's called a flat.

It's a prelim color before adding final color.

Here's what the final color looks like.

So I've posted a handful of this sort of thing since this summer, but frankly, there's even more of my sketches and so on posted at my Instagram that aren't here at all.

For those who don't know, I am doing most of the color myself on the book, but I am working with assistants. I'm not sure how much the Dunmanifestin team wants out there before the big reveals, but here's a snippet of a sky.

In the first image, my flat color.

And after my assistant worked on it.

Here, I've done a repaint. Sometimes I do very extensive repaints after the assistant works on a page. Sometimes not so much. I didn't use assistants on many pages at all. About 80% of the labor on the color of the book is my work.

However, the assistants have been a big help, and I am very appreciative of them.

I will make a point to go through all my prior posts and get every single bit of art that you haven't seen and make it public for all of you in the coming weeks. I need to excise it from previous posts. As I respect the privacy of all my readers, I never make prior posts public without their permission as they may not want their comments or identities to be public.

Thanks so much for everything!

[valevntine]

spotting ai generated art:

hi everybody! following @metaphoricgibberish's post on how to recognise ai generated fanfics, here's how to spot ai generated drawings. there's been an enormous amount of those lately in the pedro fandom. they're mostly on instagram, but a few here on tumblr as well.

what i've been seeing a lot is ai generated "watercolour portraits". i acknowledge that for professional artists ai might be easy to recognise, but maybe for some it isn't. i'll gladly give you some examples and guide you. today's victim will be this picture of pedro:

now, for the purpose of this post, i had to ask chatgpt to create a few images. please avoid doing so if you can, every prompt put in chatgpt is like wasting a whole bottle of water, just in case you don't know.

here's what comes out when you ask "can you make a watercolour portrait out of this image?". anything you may see in this style is ai generated. let's try the same picture but with a different prompt, making it a pencil portrait:

again, anything you may see like this is ai. also, they're just weird. it looks like pedro but it's some uncanny version of him. i'm not saying my drawings look 100% like him all the time, but these are just oddly soulless, i don't know how else to explain it.

chatgpt is also able to create drawings out of nothing. i tried asking again:

now who is this. 😭 once more: it's pedro but it isn't? i simply typed in "make a pedro pascal pencil portrait", but i could ask anything. i could put in whatever i like and whatever my mind comes up with, which can easily turn dangerous if it goes into the wrong hands.

let's try with more. as an example i'm taking this image, which comes from an IG account that is now deleted after the author got called out - and that's the only reason i'm using it! do we think it's ai generated?

it is, 100%. first of all, like i said before, his features look off. another giveaway is the fact that the author of this claimed it to be an artwork done in coloured pencils. i can assure you that no coloured pencil works like that. so, even if someone is telling you what they used, how they used it, how long it took, etc. it doesn't give you the guarantee that it's not ai! in fact, it just makes it worse! you're a hypocrite! also, there's this consistent, almost cloudy pattern on the drawing that is *not* the texture of the paper, but it's ai that is trying to replicate it.

what are other easy ways to spot ai generated "drawings"? the thing is, ai usually gets confused. some lines look weird, some elements might not make sense. you just have to zoom in onto the image. i'll use one of the portraits from before + another image i found on the internet as examples:

pedro's ear looks weird. the lines around him on the background also are oddly drawn, there's no direction to them, they seem to be thrown there haphazardly. his shoulders also aren't drawn clearly, in a way only artificial intelligence does. the second picture is a promo poster taken from a comic fair. look for the details: the hand is just wrong, and the butterflies are all oddly shaped. hands and backgrounds are almost always something that ai will not process clearly, so look out for those.

if you have any doubts, there's this website that spots ai images and seems pretty reliable. i tried putting in one of the ai generated pictures i created and an actual drawing i did myself:

if you're ever in doubt that what you're seeing is ai or not, i guess you can try and put it there, or you can even ask me, i'll gladly help. i don't want to sound cocky or pretentious but hey, i did attend art school for 4 years and have been drawing by myself for much longer, so i guess spotting an actual drawing from one that isn't is the least i can do.

obviously chatgpt is not the only tool you can use, there's maaaaany of them. i tried looking around for others for the sole purpose of making you see them and understand how generative ai works, but some of those apps are behind a paywall - which honestly is absurd. you're *paying* to fool people, basically.

and that's what bothers me the most. beyond the environmental issues, the ethical issues and whatnot - the lying. you want to use ai? okay, fine, but you're not even able to admit it, because you perfectly know that what you're doing is wrong. what i've been seeing from people that use ai, especially in this fandom, is that they're trying everything to prove how they're not using it. more often than not, they're just shooting themselves in the foot. remember, showing process does not guarantee something is not ai, actually every time i see someone posting it, there's always something that gives them away. pasting an image onto a sketchbook does not guarantee it is not ai. an author showing themselves drawing does not guarantee it is not ai.

i think that the reason ai "art" is running so rampant in this fandom is because pedro is a great fan of fanarts - he reposts them continuously. of course everyone would like to get noticed - i'd die if it happened to me.

but to rely on them so blatantly, and even lie... how disgusting and disrespectful to all those who are actually putting in the work. it's hours upon hours of our time, years of practice on our backs. and to claim "this took me 12 hours!" when no, it took you seconds because you just tippy tapped your fingers on your keyboard and waited for whatever app you used to spit the image out - shut up, just shut up. you're just so afraid of trying and failing (when it's just what learning is), that you'd rather settle for this ugly excuse instead. i swear, there's nothing i despise more, and i'm so incredibly close to calling people out for it because it's getting ridiculous.

i expressed myself more here - there's also a few links on the ethical and environmental issues regarding ai, and how generative ai steals from artists.

thank you for taking your time to read this.