#i kept thinking more needed to be done but genuinely i had no clue what else to do at the same time lol

[fairielux]

i'm not finished with the second scene yet, but it IS going well and it's getting late too so here is your second snippet from the festive-ish domestic, restaurant owner landoscar fic!

please please please let me know what you think, i love the feedback. i still have no clue when this is gonna be done or how long it'll end up being, i'm just along for the ride cause this fic is writing itself.

i hope you enjoy!

"Service runs smooth, sparing Lando any additional headaches. By the time they see the last guest out, Lando is all but ready to collapse. He can't yet though so he cycles through their routine, closing the restaurant, checking everything's in place for tomorrow, and stacking up the next set of special menus by the waiters' desk. Only after does he head to the kitchen to check how Oscar's going with his part of the cleanup. Usually, the chefs would leave the clean up to their cooks, but Oscar likes his station to be in a particular way, he rarely lets anyone help him with prep or cleanup. So he stays and does it himself - it's just another thing Lando adores about him.

As he enters the kitchen, he is greeted by a warm plate and a tired looking Yuki.

"I know you didn't have a break" he says as he shoves the plate into Lando's hand "and you might be the boss but you still need to eat" he finishes before heading to the changing rooms. Lando can't even utter a thanks, his head chef is gone so quick.

The smell of Yuki's warm food pulls a rumble from his stomach, he was right, Lando did forget to take a break. He does it more often than he likes to admit, and he appreciates how his staff - his friends - make sure to look out for him. He sets the plate down on the service counter and grabs a freshly washed fork from the drying rack. Yuki made him the usual plate of tomato and mascarpone pasta, but it might as well be the best dish he's ever had. Within minutes the pasta is all gone and his plate is cleaned and put away, so with his fork still in hand he makes his way to the back of the kitchen, where he suspects Oscar may be. His husband is nowhere to be seen when he gets to his station however, the only thing that greets him is a small plate with a single slice of cheesecake on it that Oscar left for him. They have a long running tradition of this - Oscar leaving sweet treats for Lando - that started way before they had their restaurant, but Oscar still kept it going after all these years and Lando wouldn't have it any other way. He takes a careful look at the slice before digging in - him and Oscar have this ongoing game where Lando tries to guess the flavours Oscar has packed into his gift sweet of the day - the cream is light and velvety, the biscuit is crunchy and he is flooded with the flavours of Christmas. His husband has managed to make christmas into a cheesecake, he thinks. He is on his third bite - still trying to pinpoint exactly what festive spices Oscar has used in the cream - when he hears a set of heavy boots on the kitchen tiles.

"Any idea on what cheesecake it is yet?" Oscar asks, with a glimmer in his eyes. He enjoys their little guessing game as much as Lando, if not more. The man is insanely competitive, though Lando can't say shit, he is even worse at times.

"Well, if my tastebuds don't deceive me, you've made the base from crushed gingerbread" he states, quite proud of himself and he immediately knows he is right when he sees Oscar's smile widen. "and then you called up Santa and asked him to give you some kind of Christmas-essence that you cooked into the cream." His conclusion has Oscar folding in half, Lando thinks that isn't quite enough yet, so he keeps going. "Or maybe you've just poured the entire spice cabinet into the cream and kept adding nutmeg until it magically transformed the taste into Christmas." Oscar is nearly in tears when he is finished, pulling a genuine smile out of him. When his husband finally manages to stop the endless giggles, the cake is gone and Lando feels less tired as well.

"Not quite but you've got nutmeg so I'll give you that love. I mixed the spices from our mulled wine recipe into the cream - minus the wine, obviously. But I like your idea better." They make their way to the office to pick their coats up, and head to the car after.

"Does that mean I can tell our customers that you personally went and visited Santa for this cheesecake cream recipe?" Lando asks as Oscar starts the car.

"Well that's definitely better than giving out my trade secrets" Lando is happy with that, he so will be telling their guests just that, when the cheesecake makes it to the menu."

[twisting-in-wonderland]

ceremonial robes Jade re-draw for practice----

he’s soooooo trustworthy, don’t you want to give him all your personal information?   he’s a super trustworthy guy!

‘lineart’:

and progress stuff----- (not much though)

not pictured is the like,, five different mouths i drew trying to make it look right,,,

(one accidently was just.   :3  so just imagine smug cat jade lol)

(sobs wails i hate drawing backgrounds i hate drawing backgrounds i hate-)

[letterlitter]

Pacify Her

Lando Norris x reader

•Tags: smut, toxic Lando, hate-fuck, makeup sex

•Loosely based on a song by Melanie Martinez with the same title.

•Wordcount: 1.6k

It was unbearable how Lando squeezed this new girl's thigh and whispered in her ear. You knew it was to make you jealous, he was a tease even more when you two were in a relationship. You had really bad arguments that let to the decision of splitting, but since you didn't want to break up the friend group, you agreed to just say the relationship ended on good terms and decided to be friends which was a total lie and both of you knew it.

Now, only a couple months after everything, Lando had shown up with a new "girlfriend" which drove you absolutely mad how uncouth he could be. Bringing this girl in your group out of the blue fully knowing that neither you nor himself had moved on from that deep, long term thing you had.

She looked at you like she wanted to be your friend and get your validation so bad. You didn't know if Lando had told her you were his ex. He didn't even dare mention it when he was introducing her. You automatically hated her, although her big brown eyes seemed lovely and innocent. She didn't have a clue what she had gotten herself into. You pitied her cluelessness.

You noticed Lando's griny glances at you, he kept making sure you were looking before each kiss he left on her cheek. The bastard had all his moves coordinated and planned but you had been with him for too long not to see right through his facade.

You were at your limit, who was he to inflict this hurt on you after all that he had done?

Rage made your body dense as you walked towards Lando's house the night after, when you made sure nobody else was with him. His Friday nights had always been free on purpose to sleep until noon, game, and sleep again. You remember trying to wake him up for lunch and he was dead asleep because he had stayed awake to play with friends.

You rang and he buzzed the door open without asking. Walking towards the stairs you noticed the rose garden you had planted in a corner. The thought of Lando's face after a thorn had poked him in the arm and how he treated the flowers as his enemies forced your lips into a fainted smile. You hated that his memories made you happy. You hated it was him you had those memories with.

You pushed the thoughts away and tried to focus on why you were here. Lando opened the door, a confused look on his face, "y/n? What is it why are you here?"

"We need to talk." And you stormed in.

"Please come in, make yourself comfortable." The sarcasm in his voice was familiar, and now that you weren't in love with him, infuriating.

"Want to talk about what?"

"About how you're being such an asshole."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't act like this Lando I know you did those things on purpose."

"Damn I don't know what you're talking about." He kept his sarcastic tone. You hated it.

You pushed his chest back in anger, "stop playing with me. You know damn well this girl you keep bringing is just a doll to mess with my head."

Lando smiled as if he had been expecting these words from you.

"This is way too low, even for you Lando."

"Everyone thinks we're friends, why can't friends introduce their new girlfriends to their other friends?"

"I'm not everyone. I know this is a lie stop trying to make it sound casual."

"What do you expect me to do? Stay single until you're over me?"

"Yes!" The loud sound that exited your mouth surprised you as it did Lando. You never planned to sound weak or needy. You just wanted to get closure, "look. I'm not trying to control your life or whatever, but what you're doing to make me jealous is messy and fucking pathetic. Fix it. Goodbye." And you started walking towards the door.

"Well did it work?" Lando's voice stopped you. He sounded sort of genuine for the first time in months.

You kept silent and still, wondering what to answer. Turning around to face him you said, "well do you love her?"

"Of course I do. She's very real."

You took one step closer, "stop lying."

Lando took a step closer to you, "stop being jealous."

You took one more step, "she looks way too innocent for you. I pity her."

Lando took another step , "I can teach her."

-"Funny."

-"I know."

-"You're insufferable."

-"I know."

Silence.

Now you were only one step away from eachother. Only one breath. You were mad at him and the tension felt heavy in the air as the sun was halfway set. His eyes looked crazy blue in the last golden rays of sunshine coming in fron his big windows. His face stingy and lips so soft it made you even more angry at him.

Your self control was getting shaky and you felt it shatter when Lando swinged his arms up to hold your face to kiss you deeply on the lips.

You squeezed your hand on his arm in protest to rip him off of you before it was too late but he was desperate.

He kept kissing you harder and harder like you gave him air to breathe.

You hated this. You hated the way his body pulled you in and you hated how it felt so good. He knew his way with you. Every single button, all the nooks and crannies.

You finally eased into the kiss, letting go of Lando's hoodie that was balled up in your fist and started to kiss him back.

His hands unzipped your sweatshirt and pulled it off your arms as soon as he felt that you wanted this as well. You let him. He slipped his hand under your tshirt, pinching your belly, messaging your back.

You let out a heavy exhale.

"I missed you." He whispered into your mouth, putting his lips on yours before you could say anything back.

Lando's hands moved down to your jeans but you held onto his hand to prevent him from going on. He stopped kissing you.

It was all too much for you and you hated him for being so good at this. You stared dead into his eyes, knowing full well that you were helpless, and said, "you fucking bastard."

He giggled when you pressed your debating lips on his again.

You let him kiss your lips, your neck, your collarbone, your breasts, your belly. You let him get down on his knees for you, between your legs.

His wet tongue on you made you jump in a surprising pleasure. The tip of his tongue moving in circular motions, in search of the place that made you moan the loudest. You tried fighting the sensation but failed miserably when he raised his finger to your entrance, messaging and warning about what's to come.

The moan that left your lips after he pushed his finger inside you was involuntary. You could feel Lando smiling on your pussy with the sound. He kept moving his tongue with your hand in his curls; pumping his finger and pulling moans out of you until you felt like you could take it no more. That's when Lando pulled his now soaked finger out and stood up, Leaving you clenching around nothing.

He faced you again to continue his kisses; you could taste yourself on his lips as he took off your tshirt and your bra, leaving you completely naked in the middle of the house. He looked at you once more before taking off his own hoodie you've been pulling on to get rid of since the start, he turned you around and got closer. His bulge rubbing against your butt from under his sweatpants.

"You're so pretty." He whispered into your ear, "wait here okay?"

You turned around to see him almost run to his bedroom to get condoms and you got a chance to take a look at his smooth, tan skin as he walked back.

Lando kissed you shoulder and your back as he slowly bent you over the handle of the couch. Messaging your body as he bent on you to let you feel his skin, his pants were off, your could feel his hard dick against the back of your leg. He adjusted himself on you and pushed in. You weren't hesitant to moan anymore. His length inside you was a familiar sensation of pleasure after this long. He was all you needed.

Lando started pumping deeper into you, making you feel fully stretched. You could hear his little groans and exhales when he grabbed your neck to make you arch your back more, pulling your head towards his mouth. "I bet nobody fucked you like this since I was gone." And he started moving faster. You pushed back your body into his, blurring the lines infront of your eyes.

You came within seconds after that.

He pulled out of you. You turned around quickly, grabbed his shoulders and lead him to the couch to sit down.

"Could you ever teach her this?"

And you climbed on top of him, each leg on each side. Leading his still erect dick to your hole and pushing down on him. Lando threw his head back with a moan. You took his hands and put them on your ass. He squeezed his hands with every movement you made.

You started kissing under his ear, where you knew he was sensitive. Moans started turning into whimpers and he started pushing up his legs towards you. You both moved faster as you reached your high. You nails dug into Lando's shoulder and his hands tight around your back when you both came and you collapsed into his arms.

****

"What a stupid decision." You said through your panting and you both giggled since you knew you were going to make more.

(This is the first time I'm posting a smut one shot online sorry if it's short or lacking♡)

[babe-a-yaga]

What was done to Isseya is one of my personal biggest upsets with this game. I loved her in Last Flight. She's a genuinely interesting, complex character, and given the themes of mistakes and regret present through Veilguard, it makes TOTAL sense for her to make an appearance! What makes no sense at all is for her to be reduced to a two dimensional villain with no clear motivation who's just...doing exactly the thing she fucked up in life? Except worse? I'm gonna summarize the events of last flight for the folks who haven't read it;

The first griffin Isseya put through the joining was already blighted in battle, and dying from it. Quickly. Griffins are extra sensitive to the Blight and any attempts made to join them resulted in the animals going berserk and tearing themselves, and anyone else in range, to pieces to get away from what was now in their veins.

In a well meaning, but misguided effort to save one of the animals she loved, she used blood magic to alter the griffon's mind, to convince it the Blight in it's system was just a regular cold, and it didn't need to fight it, then put it through the joining.

It worked, but it changed the griffon. Made it stronger, fight harder. More difficult to handle. The griffon ultimately went out in a spectacular blaze of glory, and people didn't know what she did, just that she did SOMETHING, and that griffon did ten griffons worth of damage on it's way out.

The fourth blight was far worse, far longer than any of the blights we have witnessed first hand. I think it lasted like 15 years? And it was going badly for Thedas. They ordered Isseya to do what she had done to the first griffon again as a last ditch to stand a chance at I *think* Starkhaven (it's been a little bit since I read last flight, so I'm sketchy on dates and what battles were fought specifically when). She hated doing this, but it was orders, and it was exploit this handful of griffons or watch the world die. She's a warden, she signed up to stop the blight at any cost. In war, victory. In death, sacrifice.

By the time her brother Garahel slays Andoral, she's had to blight a number of griffons, and the constant blood magic use has massively accelerated the blight in her own body. Her brother garahel is this golden haired pretty boy beloved by everyone who looks upon him, and Isseya looks so much like a ghoul at this point people are uncomfortable being in the same room as her. Even though this is completely due to her service to the wardens.

Then, the remaining joined griffons start going mad. And then it starts to spread to the other, non-joined griffons. In using blood magic to convince the griffons the blight was just a disease, she had caused it to become one. A contagious one.

It's one of the most interesting examples of how dangerous blood magic actually is we ever see. We're just told over and over "blood magic bad, slippery slope to killing people. Bad. Even if you use your own." And we never really see explicitly why it's an inherently dangerous form of magic until this.

Back to Isseya though. Garahel's lover's Griffon had a clutch of eggs sired by Garahel's Crookytail. Isseya, knowing there was no stopping what was now in motion with the griffons, set out to do her one last act of penance. She took, and purified those eggs, hid them in a ward that kept them in stasis, so that they might only hatch once the griffons were gone, and this disease had died with them, so they might have a chance. And then she hid the clues to their location, and begged that whoever find them not let them be used by the wardens again.

And then she went on her calling.

These are not the actions of a villain. Isseya EMBODIES the warden principal of sacrifice. But it isn't glorious battle rewarded by a quick death alongside an archdemon for her. It's death by inches, by blight, knowingly and willingly accelerated in her own body to stop it from consuming the world. Sacrificing her ideals, the animals she loves, her brother, Garahel. Isseya gives it all for the wardens, to end the blight, and is not thanked for it or remembered kindly.

And she did everything she could to seed the slightest bit of hope, that both in spite of her and because of her, griffons might return to the world, as free creatures.

Her Veilguard arc feels like really egregious character assassination, and I wish she had been given an ounce of the sympathy that other characters had been given. It made sense for her to be here, thematically, mistakes and regret, and good intentions still leading to bad ends, but she deserved the same opportunity for forgiveness and/or redemption that Solas, Mythal, Cyrian, even Illario got.

Isseya was done dirty by Veilguard.

[multific]

Heart Eyes

Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings: mention of torture and kidnapping

Summary: He always looked at you in a certain way. One would say his eyes were always full when he was looking at you.

Working for the FBI was never your goal. You just always seem to notice certain things in people's behaviours.

You never could have imagined that it was an actual job to profile others.

But of course, you weren't complaining.

Working for the BAU, you remember how nervous you were on your first day.

You tried to impress the team without sounding like a fool.

But even when you made mistakes, Hotch made sure to let you know that you did a good enough job.

What you never would have expected is that you would catch the attention of a certain Doctor.

Spencer is a sweetheart and you genuinely thought you two had a good relationship.

You always brushed off when the others said that he liked you more than a friend or co-worker.

You weren't that interesting, he couldn't possibly find you out of all people interesting.

But everyone seems to think otherwise.

And as you listened to Spencer going on and on about something regarding a religious group in Europe, you couldn't help but smile.

"Sorry, I'm rambling again."

"No, please keep going. I do find it interesting. You said they lived completely secluded from everyone, and that their leader had six wives." he offered you a smile before he kept going. Not even taking a breath between his sentences as he continued.

The next week, you had a case, a very nasty case involving a man who liked to kidnap women and torture them. His profile wasn't difficult to build, but his victims changed.

And you had no clue how to find him or protect everyone.

It was a strange case.

One of many.

But it soon became a lot more, when the men took you.

Maybe going out for a late dinner alone wasn't the best idea.

But you were hungry, and now, you might pay with your life for your stupidity.

You weren't ready for death.

You were too young.

And you still had to confess to Spencer! You couldn't just end like this!

It can't be the end of your story.

Blindfolded and silenced in a cage, like some animal.

You heard him upstairs, walking around in his house. You even heard a phone ring, but you knew it was pointless to try and make any noise.

The man was cruel and you exactly what he was capable of.

But, you also knew what to do to buy time for yourself.

You knew the team will be looking for you. It was only a matter of time.

And since you knew this monster's profile, you will be able to do what needed to be done.

---

Meanwhile, the team was going mad.

One of their own was taken and everyone was spiraling.

"We have to find her!" spoke up Emily.

"We will, just focus, Morgan said the man hunts in the dark."

And something clicked for Spencer. He rushed over to the table and looked at the maps.

"This part of the woods is darker than the other due to the dense trees."

"We will start there. Everyone, GO!" nodded Hotch as everyone went their way.

They found a small cabin tucked away in the middle.

Everyone knew they needed to take it slow, it could mean your life.

Spencer walked quietly behind Morgan. The two decided to split up as Morgan headed for the bedroom while Spencer went to the basement.

In there, he found you, crying in a cage.

When you saw him, you knew better than to say a word.

You quietly nodded as he walked over and picked the lock.

"My leg hurts." you whispered as he pulled you out.

You both heard Morgan and Hotch yelling upstairs. You assumed they caught the guy.

And now, as you looked at Spencer, you could see what everyone had been talking about.

You could see the hearts in his eyes, as he could see the same in yours.

He carried you out in his arms.

Taglist: @fleursirvart @greenarrowhead @thisismysecrethappyplace @sincerelyfan @theoneanna @aestheticsandmarvel @rororo06 @castellandiangelo @destynelseclipsa @spilledinkindumpster @capsiclesdoll @puknow @alwayshave-faith @alex12948 @lxdyred  @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @anonymoussherlockandmarvelgeek @praline357 @trshngyn @avengers-r-us @violet-19999 @top1bbgloak   @manduse   @jacalineiscomingforyou  @mandoloriancookie @noname2246

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

DO NOT STEAL, REPOST OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORKS  

[yuseirra]

Onk Chapter 159 review~

(a small comic for starters :) either way, Ai will still kick his butt)

yes, I had been spoiled; yes, and I actually like it, as much as it leaves at a cliffhanger and leaves you in confusion(why is this comic always like this) The way it ends is indeed, quite shocking, isn't it? But I think I understand where it's coming from.

I honestly won't have a clue on just what this story is going to be unless it's not going to be like what I write here; If that's so, then I'll just sit back and just.. let the story run along after this~ I'm pretty confident, for now though!!

The development in this current episode aligns with the interpretation I initially had back when I hopped onto the series, right after 153-154. It feels like I've been reset XD

It's pretty good, right? It's entertaining and well done. There is no need to fuss whether "Kamiki is evil!!" or "He's the final boss!", at least not right now, that'd be determined in the following eps. but for now, I think I have an idea of what it's trying to convey.

He DOES look super evil in that last panel (I keep staring at it for how ridiculous he looks)but let's look into the things that are being discussed for now-

Judging by the reaction he has, Kamiki never stopped loving Ai. The reaction in chapter 154 and the current one can coexist as emotional responses.

But it seems that after Ai died, Kamiki did a lot.

It actually matches really well with the interpretation I made after reading chapter 154 for the first time! I mean this comic I drew. I thought I might have went a bit overboard with it for awhile, for Kamiki's actions after that chapter felt milder than that, but now that 159 is out, it... seems pretty similar.

Sometimes, the first answer you pick on a test is the correct one, right? I laughed...perhaps I should trust my initial feelings about things more...they may tend to be the most accurate.

He has this, "I'm already beyond hope now, I can't be saved" vibe to him. And I saw this coming all along, I kept wondering just what is it that he'd have done. It's been pretty vague except for that case with Yura, right? (To be honest, the one death that bothers me a lot is Gorou's. Did Nino and Ryosuke kill him?? Why did Gorou die?? I really hope Kamiki wasn't involved with that case because that leads to really weird sorts of conclusions... killing the doc that helped deliver his own children;;; I hope it's just Ryosuke and Nino that's played a part there)

Judging by how he reacts to Aqua, he does have paternal love, and Kamiki’s attitude towards his children is consistently kind and gentle. His way of speech is...I've been sent the leaks in another language right..; I can tell. He speaks in a really.. kind and gentle way. Even in that last panel as well. He's so tender with his way of speaking when he talks towards his kids, so much like the lyrics of Mephisto (how the song is like as it ends) I feel like he is, or at least used to be, a sweet person. Talking to his fully grown son like that.

It seems like he genuinely wants to watch his daughter's performance. I feel Kamiki cherishes and cares for Aqua and Ruby. As for whether he would go so far as to harm the children to save Ai... I think the chances of that are low. Ai’s judgment seems correct, and if Kamiki had married Ai and lived with her, he would have been a kind and gentle father to their children.

At the same time, though, he thinks it's too late to save himself now. The attitude he has feels like self-mockery or despair. He's a bit out of vigor, in my opinion(aside from that last panel).

The key is figuring out what exactly the "lies" he told was.

Judging by Aqua's reaction, Kamiki’s involvement in Ai’s death should be minimal. If it weren’t, there should be some anger connected to the mention of Ai’s name as Aqua brought it up. For example, "Ai trusted you until the end, she wanted you to help you, but you made her die!" Because it's very natural, right? If Kamiki killed the very person who wanted to help him, it's natural to bring that up as you mention the "help".

But that’s not the case. Instead, Aqua's reaction is something like, "I’m supposed to help you, as Ai said, but you’ve been telling this 'ugly lie for your own sake' so I can’t."

I think that, to evoke this kind of response, Kamiki must have done a lot after Ai’s death, thinking he was doing it for her, but deep down, he knew it was a lie he told himself all along, and Aqua is calling him out on it.

It doesn’t seem like Kamiki killed someone with the thought that "no one can outshine Ai" (that would be really stupid;;), but rather, that he made sacrifices because he wanted to save Ai or bring her back to life. In that case, what Aqua is saying here translates to: "Hey, would Ai have wanted that? That was a crazy thing you did for your own sake and pleasure, thinking 'Ai would want to live' or 'Ai would want to reunite with the kids in any way possible.' You know that's NOT what she has ever wanted, but you lied to yourself convincing it would all be okay as long as it came true. That makes you an ugly liar."

If Kamiki did kill someone, Aqua really should report him to the police instead of meeting one-on-one. Report him, for crying out loud! Why doesn't he do that in 155 and why doesn't he try to do it now, either? He just walks up to him and starts a conversation. Didn't he figure things out with Akane earlier? Can't they just turn those pieces of evidence they found to the police if they have them?

So... that's why I’m not sure if what Kamiki did actually involved killing someone... Maybe Aqua didn’t report it or he can't because there wasn’t enough evidence? Yura is dead, that's a fact, but well, we know now for sure that Kamiki did not play a part in Ryosuke's death(who cares about him but yeah), and if he isn't the one who's killed Gorou (the one who did it is Ryosuke and Nino is his acquaintance so I think there's low chance?;) Maybe he didn't kill Yura either. He says it's his fault but at this point, I don't think he's the one that's responsible for Ai's death. There is a reason I'm saying this, stay with me for a while, okay? But he's still done something that Aqua deems as a "selfish lie".. I just don't know how severe this guy can get and what he's done but I guess he's done some terrible things...

Moving on, I don't think this character would hurt Ruby or Aqua or anyone else at this point. (Although... who knows; if he feels like he has nothing to lose, he might...) It seems like he intended to end his life to offer as the final tribute, and Aqua came to stop him. (Like, Aqua came to him to "save him" on Ai''s behalf. He didn't say he's come to "punish him" for his misdeeds... so I think it's safe to say Aqua's come to save his butt) It might tie into the supernatural elements that pop up occasionally, like when Kamiki mentioned the "gods" in chapter 147 or talked about no longer needing to offer "sacrifices." There were many intriguing and important things mentioned in that chapter.

It seems like Kamiki thinks he’s done wrong, but he can’t stop himself from continuing on the path he was, so he wants his children to kill him or get revenge on him.

Nino is truly crazy... It's unhealthy to be fixated like that on just one single person... I don’t want to think too deeply about it because it’s not something I want to empathize with. I don’t wish to feel any pity. If I were to analyze it deeply, I could, but this is the kind of dark human psyche I don’t want to delve into because it takes energy and I don't feel it's that worth it. It's already been displayed so well in this chapter, and it's creepy and perfect as it is so I don't think it needs further explanation, she's just as I pictured her to be and even.. damp and scarier in eerily realistic ways.

If I were Ai, I’d grab Nino by the collar and ask, "Nino-chan, Why are you doing this to me? Why are you like this? What did I ever do to deserve this?" what the heck...poor Ai. it's too much. She's scary.

Ryosuke is out of his mind, and what has Ichigo been doing all this time if he knew something?... Perhaps he needed solid evidence and wished to catch her when she took action? But...; I really wish Ichigo did better when Ai was still alive if he knew what was going about with Nino and Ryosuke and Ai......

So, was Kamiki the one who made Ryosuke and Nino "that way"...(as in, hopelessly insane about Ai)?

No, that's not how it's going to go.

Looking at his past, there’s no big reason or motive for Kamiki to have done something like that and I don't think he could have coerced them to feel that way about Ai, they brought it upon themselves; (Honestly, I'm curious, what’s the connection between him and Nino and Ryosuke? At this point, I feel like they did not have any particular connection before Ai's death, at this point)

Kamiki clearly recognizes that Ai is just a normal girl who has cruel and selfish sides (this is a strong difference from Nino and Ryosuke). I'm not sure when he formed that idea, but he is at least aware of that, as he's doing whatever he's been doing.

That means, if Kamiki decided to take some extreme actions "for Ai", it wouldn’t have been because of some superficial motive like wanting Ai to be perfect or the best idol(Ryosuke and Nino's actions fall here) . Instead, it would have stemmed from a more practical desire, like wanting Ai to come back or get closer to her. For Kamiki, Ai isn’t a fantasy; she’s real. She’s a person he loves. That’s why the song Mephisto and Fatal suits him. Kamiki doesn’t need Ai to be an invincible idol; he just wants the person he loves to be alive.

So, tying it into the theme of this manga, I come to the conclusion that:

It wasn’t a single person like Kamiki who made Ryosuke and Nino the way they are, but rather, the public’s expectations of Ai.

This connects to the story explored in the movie arc, where people expected Ai to be the invincible idol, leading her to lie and conceal her weak self completely.

If my interpretation is correct... this is where the story is heading.

From the start, there was no such thing as an evil mastermind or anything like that. What happened to Ai was always the result of a fan’s twisted desire for their idol to be flawless, and the public's expectation of idols reinforcing such a behavior.

In reality, it’s Ryousuke and Nino who are insane, but the culture or fervor that creates such crazy people isn’t entirely absent in this world. That seems to be the point being made.

I mentioned this in a previous post: (it's paraphrased and condensed)

"But more than that, I think the main focus of this work and the message it's trying to give is: "Even celebrities are just people in the end"... Ultimately, that's it."

This is... probably it.

If you look at it that way, Kamiki is someone who was separated from the person he loved due to such malice (if Ai and Kamiki weren’t celebrities, they would have stayed together after having the kids and lived happily... What made Kamiki’s life miserable, and brought Ai to believe it'd hurt him less if she broke up with him was the dark side of the entertainment industry. After all, the pain he went through in his entertainment career was too much, and even afterward, they couldn’t reunite despite their feelings for each other because Ai was too successful as an idol. I think that’s why they couldn’t be together). In that sense, Kamiki is almost like the biggest victim of the entertainment industry in the story because not only did he suffer from it all his life, he ultimately lost the very person he loved because of it. Ai was an idol, so there was social pressure and expectations that she shouldn’t have kids or a boyfriend. That’s why they couldn’t stay together...

Kamiki, having his life destroyed by the dark side of the entertainment industry, and upon he lost the one person he loved, Ai, ended up doing a lot of things in desperation to bring her back and see her again. That’s what's going on about in the songs Fatal and Mephisto.

We haven’t seen exactly what he's been doing in the story, but I think the songs fill that narrative. "The gathering of light"... "finding things to fill in what's missing"...

Kamiki just wants to see Ai again. He wants to see her, but he doesn’t think Ai would love him or want to meet him, so he wished for her to come back to life, and when that didn’t work, he tried to get closer to her himself.

His true feelings were that he loved Ai sincerely and only had eyes for her.

But if what he did involve needing someone else’s life to achieve that goal (and the songs do suggest that...), that’s terrifying. Lol

Ai wanted Kamiki to be saved... If there really is a sliver of chance of such things to be a possibility, what he's done should not be that extreme. Kamiki does seem to think he's beyond saving, though.

I made an analysis earlier that he may be lying to appear as evil as he can be to persuade Aqua into believing he should just die there, and that he isn't worth saving... this was before I saw the actual images, but that could be the case too. if he's really planning to give himself away as a sacrifice of some sort or die to bring Ai back/reach her, then I guess it'd make sense for him to appear as menacing and horrible as possible so that his boy wouldn't have to care about him. He IS a liar and he IS a genius actor. He wants to do something for Ai, and I think that still stands. He said he'd do it in 155 - if that means it takes his life to do so, he'd still, definitely go through with it.

We’ll probably find out what he did all along within the next 10 chapters. I also think that the manga now needs to address the stars and the gods;; The idea that Ai became a star was mentioned directly, and Tsukuyomi was also brought up. The stars were beautifully shining during the B-Komachi concert, right? It feels like Ai is giving her blessing. If my guesses about this series is correct, Kamiki should mention stuff along the lines of the supernatural when talking about his motives. I think Kamiki tried to bring Ai back to life. If he hadn’t had that hope, I feel he would have followed Ai long ago. He doesn’t seem particularly attached to his own life. That means there must have been something that gave him that sort of hope. The songs imply something like it. It's made Kamiki believe Ai could come back to life...

I wonder if Kamiki can be saved. The fact that Aqua even brought the idea of helping the guy may mean there still might be a chance. Otherwise, Aqua would just throw him in jail; there’d be no point in talking to him like this, even if it's Ai's wish. Impossible things are still impossible.

But it’s true that Kamiki really fell apart after Ai died. Whether he’s just a pitiful guy or a victim who became a perpetrator (the latter seems more likely...sadly), we’ll have to wait and see.

To be continued, I guess.

That character’s life was truly miserable, but if he ruined other people’s lives, then he should still be punished for that.

Still, In the end, it seems like everything will turn out as Ai wanted, so I’m looking forward to seeing how much Aqua can fulfill Ai’s wishes.

It was a good chapter! :)

Come to think of it, in my analysis of Ai (this was written wayy back in June, when ch 152 was fresh) , I wrote something like this:

Ai didn't want to get back together with her ex because she wanted to continue being an idol. She couldn't have a public relationship. But I think she wanted to show her kids to him because she gained a little bit of courage while raising them. That she could show her real self. When you look at a Ai, you can infer she has a lot welled up. They had always hidden themselves, and now they have "secrets" that are not just their own, living, that grow with time. She's always had vicious circle that led to self-hatred from all the lies she'd been creating, which led to anger and stress…and it was this close to being let out through the movie. Maybe that's why Aqua believes making movies is for her. It's to fulfill her desire to be freed from the lies.

This might have hit the mark. The reason it has to be a movie is because of this… if it was only Kamiki, he could have just been shown the video Ai left, but-

Aqua’s “revenge” has to be fulfilled through a movie because Ai’s situation was caused by the public’s perception of her.

If people had accepted the real Ai as a person, twisted individuals like Ryosuke wouldn’t have appeared, and Ai wouldn’t have had to lie to the person she so dearly wanted to love. If… If only Ai had survived, I think Kamiki could have reunited with her after the movie was released. Because people would have understood and accepted their circumstances. Ai would never have had to die because she had children - for being imperfect and human, as she is.

This is not a story about a psychopathic murderer getting back at his ex-girlfriend or just one crazy fan attacking their idol, it's tackling a much bigger theme than that.

So no, this isn't going to be about Kamiki being the crazy mastermind, quite the contrary. He's the one who's lost his beloved due to a societal belief that idols have to be perfect and flawless. He's the one who desperately wants to get her back after having lost her.

When I think about it, it’s really heartbreaking. Ai and Kamiki could have been happy, for sure. They really could have had it weren't it for this, I feel.

The public isn’t always so cold, so I think Ai might have wanted to take that risk…

++ Oh, wow… Aqua showed up wearing the exact outfit from the Mephisto video!

Then, if my thoughts are correct, the next chapter, or at least within a few chapters, should reveal more about the Fatal/Mephisto storyline in the series. Those songs aren’t Aqua’s, they’re Kamiki’s.

+++ Didn't mention but Kamiki looks even younger than Aqua in that last panel, he looks kinda adorable in a very freaky way. Ai didn't mention his looks for nothing.. he still has it over the age of thirty...

yeah, I'll believe in him for just a little longer. I really hope the next chapter continues where it left off and just TELL US what he's been up to for once. This chapter is 159 so I guess it'd be the last ep of a volume, Yeah, that'd definitely make people wish to buy the next copy

but I really want answers at this point, stop the taunts.

If Mephisto and Fatal ain't the story of this guy then tbh, nothing would make sense to me about this guy nor the story. Aside from the fact that it matches his characteristics and lores in a perfect sense, it's just a really strong hunch I get. The moment I first heard Fatal, I knew it had to be it. I can't explain how it happens but I just know what it's supposed to imply. So there!

Till next week!

[chrisbitchtree]

Billy knew he shouldn’t have gone to the fucking Byers for their stupid annual end of school year party. It was apparently an even bigger deal than usual this year because Jonathan had just graduated. They were going to have a water balloon fight, and cornhole and cheddar hot dogs, Billy’s favourite.

Almost a year after Starcourt, Billy was still working on not being an asshole to almost everyone around him, and socializing more. According to his therapist, it wasn’t healthy to sit around his trailer alone, only letting Max and Harrington visit him.

So when the two of them had teamed up and begged him to go, he’d relented quicker than he usually would. At least he could tell his therapist that he’d done something that she’d asked of him for once, if nothing else.

He’d had a better time than he’d thought, though. He’d won the water balloon fight, and it turned out that he and Harrington made a decent cornhole team. Only Hopper and El had beat them. Billy had eaten his full of cheddar dogs, breathing onion breath all over Max until she ran shrieking, and washed them down with shitty beer.

Mike Wheeler, the spoiled little shit had been gifted a video camera for his birthday in April, so Max had told Billy, trying hard to keep the jealously out of his voice, and he hadn’t tired of it yet, so he’d spent the whole night shoving it in everyone’s faces, as if he was interviewing them for the news, not documenting a night with friends.

Billy had shoved a hand over the lens, saying “no press” as he slid his sunglasses down over his eyes, and the girls had giggled at his lame joke as Wheeler went in search of his next victim.

Eventually, Wheeler must have gotten tired of lugging the thing around, because Billy found it abandoned next to a bowl of chips and some empty soda cans. Billy still has no clue what possessed him to do what he did next. He turned the camera on, focusing on Harrington standing next to the fire, showing El how to make a perfect s’more. She kept burning her marshmallows, but he wasn’t giving up.

That was the thing that Billy liked most about Harrington, after his perfect ass, that is. His unfailing kindness. He might act like a pissy bitch sometimes, but he was always there to offer a ride or a shoulder to cry on, sometimes literally in Billy’s experience, as he unraveled his complicated emotions about his life so far over beers at the quarry. He would skip the movies to help Mrs. Henderson in her garden, or he’d spend half an hour on s’mores lessons.

Eventually, Billy turned the camera on himself. “I hope you know how amazing you are, Steve. You’re not just hot, you’re sweet and you’re funny, you’re a genuinely good person. I think I’m falling for you, asshole. I know I can never tell you that, but I need to get it out.” He let out a large exhale, already feeling lighter with the confession. He went to join everyone at the fire, another beer for himself in one hand and another for Harrington in the other.

***

The light feeling inside Billy lasted until the next morning, when he sobered up enough to remember the fucking stupid confession he’d made the night before. In minutes, he was on the floor in front of the toilet, barfing up beer and s’mores and cheddar dogs. He couldn’t even be sure if it was panic or the overeating and alcohol that did it, but it was probably a mix of both.

Holy shit, what did he do? Talk to Wheeler, threaten to beat him up if he didn’t fork over the tape? What if he’d watched it already. Billy mentally calculated how much he thought it would cost to pay to get the tape from the asshole.

He was pacing his living room, trying to decide what to do, when there was a knock on his trailer door. What if it was Wheeler, there to demand cash already?

With shaking hands, he opened the door, and wasn’t surprised to find Mike Wheeler standing there, giving him a blank look. What did surprise him was the bag that he held out. Whatever was inside jangled when he handed it to Billy. Curious, Billy looked inside, finding what appeared to be about fifty smashed up chunks of videotape.

“Thought you might want that,” Wheeler said, shrugging, when Billy tried to speak and failed. “You’re not the only one trying to be less of an asshole, asshole. For the record, though. I think you should say something. I think he might surprise you.” And with that, he walked back down the steps and hopped on his bike, peddling away.

Huh. If Wheeler had done such a good job surprising Billy, maybe he should take his chances and see if someone else might surprise him too.

[blazinghotfoggynights]

It is totally possible to be a Buddie endgamer AND still support Buck/Tommy. It's possible to never be shaken from your stance as Buck and Eddie being soulmates while supporting every relationship they have been in, regardless of how dysfunctional it was.

Here's my take:

I want to see both Buck and Eddie explore life and find their true paths independently of each other, Christopher, and the 118. They are more than just each other's best friend/coparent, Christopher's fathers, and firefighters/part of the 118 family.

Since we know there is a season 8, and I would guess a season 9+ if these ratings keep up, it would be awesome to watch a full season, or more, of character evolution. We could watch Buck dating both men and women openly, learning his value, and discovering what he wants for his future.

Buck, as Bobby pointed out, doesn't enter into relationships of his own accord. He stumbles and falls into them without a clue how he got there. One day, he wakes up and he's someone's boyfriend or living with someone and isn't sure how it happened. Buck simply goes wherever someone will accept him. He misconstrues that acceptance and tolerance as genuine romance, feelings, and love.

Abby was bored and lonely and horny. I could say a lot about that relationship. If the motivation strikes, I may post about how that relationship was toxic and manipulative on Abby's part. If there are any Abby fans, you need to know your girl was showing some tendencies that were red flags.

Ali? Buck was single. She showed interest. That's it.

Taylor? Great sex and she kept coming back to Buck. She was there for all the wrong reasons and had questionable morals, but she was there. That was enough for Buck.

Natalia, again, was simply in front of Buck. She was obviously only interested in Buck's death, not Buck as a person, but Buck didn't care. He tried to make it work anyway because Natalia gave him time and attention.

So, we have an established pattern of Buck dating whoever will give him the time of day when he needs it most.

Enter Tommy. Buck is feeling left out. He's probably slipping into loneliness and spiraling because he feels the most important person in his life for the last six years is being taken away from him. (That's Eddie, for those in the back.)

Tommy shows up, sees Buck is spiraling, and kisses him. (Tommy fans, canon has established that Tommy has bad guy capabilities. Stop trying to gaslight the fans who are saying he may not be the good guy his sudden fandom claims he is. He isn't and Hen and Chimney forgiving him doesn't change that. People who are capable of consciously being a-holes are just a-holes. Mmkay?) He doesn't just hit on Buck. He physically initiates contact, giving Buck no doubt the man is open to other men. He showed Buck attention in a moment of crisis and he's a safe option after Buck openly admitted he was jealous and trying to get attention.

Buck stumbles into the next relationship. (Again, I could examine that situation, but if I do, it will be in a separate post.)

The show could give us Eddie admitting he let the expectations and influences of third parties control his destiny and he has no idea who Edmundo Diaz really is outside of what was expected of him, what he was taught, and what he did out of a sense of duty instead of doing what he wanted to.

He was with Shannon because she was pregnant and the right thing to do, per their parents and his faith, was marry her. I think he loves her for giving him his son, but nothing he has ever said or done indicates he was in love with her. I think he thinks he was. I think he wanted to be.

He was with Ana because Christopher needed a mother, per what he was told and taught, and she had an impressive resume and knew Christopher.

He is with Marisol because she fits the perfect mold of what his parents would like and she gets along with Christopher.

Should we talk about Eddie's relationships timing up perfectly with when Buck enters a relationship? No?

That man has never once in six seasons made a believable statement about genuine attraction to or sexual enjoyment with women. Ladies and gentlemen, if you have straight male friends who are in their 20s or 30s, you know you will be subjected to more details about their sexual history than you ever wanted to know. (Many of my close friends historically have been straight men. Conversations with them have been interesting and eye-opening. Sometimes traumatic, too, but I knew what I signed up for when I became their friend.)

Eddie canonically is in his early 30s and has been on the screen since his late 20s, but went without sex for years, never seemed to miss it, and now he's suddenly "pent up"? That is not the whole story and there is more going on there.

I'd love to see Eddie figure out he isn't into Marisol and hasn't been into anyone genuinely, except maybe Shannon. There could easily be a demisexuality arc for Eddie. Keep in mind, the term demisexuality was coined less than 20 years ago and is still not widely known. Eddie could spend a season, or more, working through the feelings he's ignored or been unable to put into words, dealing with overbearing parents, and how his faith has quietly, and unbeknownst to him, guided his choices. He could spend a long time wondering why he never feels an instant connection with anyone, except Buck and Tommy. (You seeing a pattern here?) This season has openly pointed out Eddie is in therapy.

The road to Buddie can be filled with satisfying detours, aka other relationships, leading to the realizations that open their eyes to each other. We don't have to negate the Buck and Eddie's experiences with others to support Buddie.

The part of me that wants instant gratification would love to see Eddie and Buck dancing at Madney's wedding and figuring out they are what they have been looking for all along. Cut to them in a room going at it.

But, the part of me that loves a great story, and doesn't mind waiting if the writing is great, is fine with a slow burn that gives us deep storylines and episodes that grip you from beginning to end. Let's say we have the rest of season 7, season 8, and maybe a season 9. There would be so much possible material.

Buck could go through a relationship with Tommy, a breakup, confusion, dating again, multiple amazing conversations with LGBTQ characters like Hen, Karen. This would also allow for giving other characters more depth, backstory, and more time on-screen. (This would be an amazing time to bring back Rockmond Dunbar as Michael and have him and Buck discuss figuring your sexuality out later in life!)

Eddie could spend that time working through his Catholic guilt and separating his actual needs and desires from what he was taught to need and desire. He could realize he makes excuses to stay with the women he dates then finds an excuse to escape when being with those women gives him anxiety. He could begin questioning if he is gay, bi, pan, or what. Then he could ask himself why he never really gets to know the women he dates. Who has he been close to? What was different? What gives him a feeling of safety and security and home? He needs to figure himself out.

So, yes, I do believe Buck/Tommy is acceptable and I support it, just not as endgame. I think, if written well, it could be integral to a great growth plot that takes us through Eddie and Buck diverging on their paths to self-discovery only to converge later on, a little more scarred but more in tune with themselves, to see their future in each other.

[see-arcane]

Rereading Drac's intro and monologues it's kinda hilarious how he prides himself of his warlike past, all "I HAVE STRUCK FEAR IN THE HEARTS OF THE OTTOMAN TURKS AND MADE THEM FLEE BEFORE ME ONCE I INVADED THEIR LANDS"

and then he ships himself away from England after getting attacked by one (1) guy with a big knife

In canon, I think it's meant to sell his overall 'super empowered noble has been resting on his laurels/perks so long he doesn't want to deal with the riffraff or effort of an even marginally fair fight.'

In MY canon--and honestly, with all the context clues Stoker left laying around--it's yet more proof that Jonathan got hit with his own supernatural edge and is the legitimate Threat+ among the heroes. Especially in the context of Dracula having lived in a place that was entirely aware of how dangerous he was, and how he still kept getting victims disappeared, and how he did all this despite the fact that all the Transylvanian locals had almost the exact same accoutrement as Van Helsing handed out to the gang, and it still did not result in anyone just killing off Dracula at home.

The Brides? The Bloofer Lady? Easy. They aren't jacked up mega vampires who went to sorcerer school at the Scholomance. They're regular-grade vampires. Stake and a slice is all they need.

But Dracula, who basically suffered the equivalent of a bee sting when he touched Jonathan's crucifix, running from a handful of dudes with holy crackers, flowers, and crosses rather than use anything at his disposal to attack them? Doesn't make sense.

Dracula, fleeing at full tilt from the same* man he toyed with for two months just because he happened to have a knife on him? The same man who was running after him, on foot, alone, and was never attacked in the chase? Doesn't make sense.

What does make sense is that, finally, after the last supernatural straw has broken the camel's back, Jonathan Harker tipped fully over the line between human and Inhuman the night Dracula made his biggest fuckup yet and went after Mina. A final, fatal bit of stimuli to complete the stunted change into Something Else.

And when Dracula sees Jonathan in the Piccadilly house he knows it.

And he knows that he's now got Something after his head who can--and very much plans to--kill him stone dead as if he were any common bloodsucker. Scholomance sorcery perks revoked. Actual Threat Registered. Fuck that entirely, time to hide out in Transylvania.

All that said, while I believe having his heart and head attacked by anyone else might have hurt him at the climax in the snow? I genuinely think that if it had been anyone other than Jonathan handling at least one half of the execution, it would not have done the trick. Just as, if the Harkers had never been involved in the standoff in the Piccadilly house, I believe Dracula would have tried to make some counter assault on Van Helsing and the Suitors Three--God knows he's been running circles around similarly armed Transylvanians for centuries; enough to have drained the local feeding grounds so thin he had to move.

Dracula was hauling ass back to the castle specifically to avoid Jonathan 'Spade-Stabbing, Wall-Crawling, Coffin-Chucking, Cadaver-Carving Cryptid' Harker.

[paraliveimaginesblog]

for the flower prompts, ambrosia with shiki please?<33

Shiki Ando:

Ambrosia - a successful love confession.

Every time Shiki gathered his courage, it left the moment he saw you.

Saimon had told him his confession should be gentle and full of genuine feelings. Not too wordy, but filled with plenty of feeling, words specifically plucked to get his feelings across. It should be like a poem, intimate and loving and personal; Shiki could see the true romantic that Saimon was, and his words had really resonated with him. It was just unfortunate that Shiki forgot every word he’d ever learned when he spoke with you.

Yohei hadn’t had much to say about confessing, but he did say that his actions would have probably already clued you in. When a person was dedicated to another words weren’t always needed, there was an understanding, but giving a simple ‘I like you’ could get the progress rolling. The advice was practical but the thought of being so direct without an opening of some sort made him itchy.

Ryu seemed to dance around the topic, asking if Shiki thought you were tasty and if he’d ever taken a bite of you just to see if your flavors were meant to blend. Shiki, notably, had not a singular clue what Ryu was talking about but he felt his friends support from afar. He did want to make sure that Ryu was as far as possible from the potential confession location as he did have a tendency to interrupt, and Shiki felt like he might if he didn’t think the confession was going properly.

It left him with plenty of food for thought but he tossed and turned all night, kept company by Ryu mumbling in his sleep. He didn’t know when he finally passed out but he didn’t wake up feeling very well-rested. He had hoped to confess today but something about it all felt off, like it was fate telling him that he should tuck it in his back pocket and wait for some time. But if this kept up, he didn’t know if he would ever manage to confess. He had to bite the metaphorical bullet, take the potential rejection, and move on like he knew how.

Shiki had already been through several tough moments where he didn’t think he’d see the other side.

When you approached him at lunch he was surprised, even more so when you invited him to the rooftop to have lunch together. You had done so a handful of times but you had been busy with other friends recently, and when you did ask to spend time with him he had nervously avoided you because he was still getting a grasp on his feelings. He felt bad about rejecting you so often but you hadn’t given him the chance this time, walking away the second you had extended the invitation.

Shiki took slow, careful steps up to the roof, his lunch clenched to his chest. Should he just do it now? He had formed most of what he wanted to say, or at least, he thought he did. But the delivery mattered just as much, and what if it sounded like pleading rather than a poem?

“Hi, Shiki~” You greeted him with a cheerful smile, your own lunch seated on your lap as you waited for him. “It’s been so long since we got to talk.”

“I-I know… I’m sorry…” Shiki sat himself beside you, mirroring you as he placed his lunch on his lap. “I’ve just been thinking lately.”

“About what?”

“About…” Shiki looked at his lap, “About my feelings.”

“Feelings onnnn?”

Shiki felt like he might keel over, like he wanted to pull his knees to his chest and curl up on the ground and never speak again. He doesn’t, though, staying strong at the clear introduction into a topic he had much to say on. That he had rehearsed in his head day and night, over and over, for weeks now. His lips were dry, his tongue felt fuzzy, his chest was heavy, but this was do or die. He’d never find something more perfectly set up for his benefit again.

“I love you.”

 Not really what he had meant to open with, the three little words that were so strong they could send full grown adults into a panic over their implications. Yet to him the word love wasn’t strong enough, what he felt for you was more than just love. You had held his hand, held him, as he sobbed into your arms, scared for Nayuta, scared for Ryu, filled with doubt over his own abilities. You hadn’t sought to fix him or criticize him, you had held and comforted him, telling him that you would always be his listening ear when you needed it. If he wanted solutions, he’d go to Yohei or Saimon, if he needed someone to just listen, he would come to you.  

“You mean everything to me. When I think about us graduating, I get so scared… that I’ll never see you again. That I won’t be able to find an excuse to. That you’ll go to college and you’ll forget about me. I don’t want that. I don’t want you to forget because I’ll never forget about you, not in a million years even if you left tomorrow and never came back. I got so scared that I’d never be able to tell you my feelings that they’d just stay inside me and suffocate me forever.”

“Shiki…!” He’s got tears gathered at the corner of his eyes but he’s never felt freer; he had gotten everything out that he wanted to say. He hadn’t stuttered or stumbled over his words, either.

“I hope you can understand my feelings.”

“I do. I do understand them…” You reached over to brush some of his hair from his face, watery blue eyes meeting yours. “I love you too, Shiki. No way could I forget you or just leave you behind, so don’t be so worried about that. I’m glad you finally managed to tell me! You had me on the edge of my seat.”

It seemed Yohei had been as correct as Saimon, and after he enjoyed the rest of his lunch with you, he couldn’t wait to go home to tell the others how his confession had gone.

[g-on-ef]

Helluva Boss season 2 ep 3 review THERE WILL BE SPOILERS

It's been a while a long while since I've done one of these but this is the first episode since episode 5 that hasn't pissed me off in the first five minutes and was able to somewhat enjoy it but omg I said it once and I'll say it again viv does not have one single clue what she's doing wit her characters but we are getting ahead of ourselves so let's start wit the good before we get to the bad.

Genuinely love that this was a Moxxie center episode cause it's about damn time my boy got the attention he deserves and it's not him getting punched every three seconds -_-

I personally love Chazz design I thought he was fun and enjoyable {at first} and I loved that he and Moxxie had a relationship together not gonna lie I was screaming I ship them especially the flashback ^^

Ummmm ...

IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE MY BABY STRIKER ??? !!! YALL IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE MY. BABY. STRIKER ??? !!!

Regardless I'll take whatever crumbs I can get ^^

Baby Moxxie was adorable !!!!

The relationship between him and his mother was adorable I feel like she was the reason for his love for musical I loved her ^^

I also love we got Moxxie saying he's bi it's always refreshing to see characters refer themselves as part of the lgbtq community

No Loona speaking omg I'm so happy we didn't have Loona talking at all because honestly she would've made the episode worse

Now onto the bad parts -_-

Maybe is because English isn't my first language but didn't Moxxie said he was born in Wrath ??? So did he move to Greed ??? If so was it when he was a baby or ??? I'm just confused on that part.

No one not Viv not her crew hell at this point not even SOME people of the Fandom know what to do/think of Millie.

The whole episode she was either a rabid animal or resorted to Moxxies wife/the blood thirsty woman of the show like how is she a main character always getting side line for everyone fuck man even Loona gets better treatment than her and that sucks cause Loona is down right awful

The fat jokes weren't funny the first time and guessed what they aren't funny the 18th time !!!

I get homophobic implications cause its hell 🤪 {every time I say that imma add that face} but umm the dildo jokes ??? Like I genuinely didn't get why that needed to be added but it is what is I guess.

So you mean to tell me both Moxxie and Millie slept wit Chazz but this episode didn't bother focusing on Millie on how they met Like da freak ??? Also while I loved Chazz the first few minutes I got annoyed wit him like really Viv you're gonna make the bisexual character a horny person that fucks everything wit two legs and have his whole personality around sex ??? Also was I the only one disgusted wit Blitz sleeping wit Chazz ??? Like how the freak we got there ??? !!!

Gotta be honest did not like that Moxxies VA also voiced Crimson I was expecting something more intimidating like something like Striker I guess but that's just me

Also back to the dildo joke ummm someone tell me why we were having a moment that should have build an intimidating moment only to ruin it wit the dildos ... ... ... like I said before Vive has no idea how to handle serious topics without turning it into a joke and have the entire scene lose its importance and value.

Like the build up the dinner scene it was leading up to a serious conflict that was creating tension and hell even the slap had me shocked and Crimson bringing fear into the audience only for it to come tumbling down with the dildos hell even after the threat Crimson gave as Moxxie was leaving I couldn't take seriously because the scene kept showing them.

Hell even wit Moxxie being upset and hurt I couldn't take serious cause of the whiplash that came right after

Can someone please explain why is there a priest in hell ??? Or better yet why is there a jail in hell ??? Like why are we even having Charlie's hotel idea if there's jail and rehab in hell like ??? Does Viv even understand the world she's created ??? Like does she even remember the world she's created ??? Cause why create a hotel that's supposed to help sinners when Hell has REHAB AND A JAILING SYSTEM ??? !!!

ALSO SOMEONE ANYONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME THE HIERARCHY OF HELL !!!

Are imps at the bottom ??? The shark demons ??? Like does anyone at Spindle even remember their own rules for the show ??? !!!

Anyways that's it for my complaint of the day but anywhore those are my thoughts and I'm sticking to them !!!

[ureunyung]

Anyone who tells you self-diagnosis is stupid and harmful to whatever community either hasn’t had to deal with bigotry in the medical system or just doesn’t care about bigotry in the medical system.

When I got diagnosed with OCD, I was extremely shocked because it was the absolute last thing I thought I had. But like looking over the symptoms and behaviors, it began to make more sense. I remember my mother being upset on the ride home and coming home, hesitantly telling my siblings, and having them completely deny it and tell me it wasn’t true. Even a diagnosis wasn’t enough for most of the people in my life to take me seriously.

I spoke to my psychiatrist not too long after and he kept asking me the same question over and over again with no clarification. “Is there something you should be doing right now?” All I could think was, “Idk, is there?” I started naming off my chores because I had no clue what he was talking about and he told me that isn’t what he was talking about. He refused to elaborate what he meant and after coming to the conclusion that I could not give him the answer he wanted, he turned to my mother and said, “I don’t think she has OCD.”

I felt absolutely shattered hearing that because OCD was explaining a lot of things for me. I had constant compulsions that made it near impossible to function without doing them the exact way I did them every day. My intrusive thoughts were so intense that I’d avoid conversation with people all of the time. I couldn’t leave my house because thousands of thoughts controlled how I lived my life. If anyone moved any of my stuff even slightly, I’d have to throw it out/never touch it again because my brain would not let me.

I genuinely felt like every step I’d taken to get better had fallen apart.

I remember hearing my psychiatrist and mom hold a conversation about kids mimicking what they see online and how I need to put the phone down. I felt absolutely defeated for the longest time. I never got an official evaluation, and I don’t know if they revoked my diagnosis or not, but I know he simply didn’t believe me at all and neither did most other people I knew.

Every single symptom I had lined up perfectly with OCD and when I was told I was faking, I held the assumption that I was just crazy. That every single thing I’d done was in my head. Around this time, I stopped talking to people again and stopped leaving my room once more. I had drawn this conclusion that I was genuinely crazy and I didn’t want to lie to anyone else about it again.

So many people have this idea that anyone who self-diagnosis is out to spread negativity, but it’s extremely helpful if you’re doing it right. I know so many people whose self-diagnosis has lead to an actual one. And even then, some people whose self diagnosis has helped them cope and learn how to better deal with their every day struggles.

As a Black woman, I understand how difficult the medical community is towards us and how little research they put into mental health in regards to people who are AFAB in general.

The idea that “suddenly everyone is ND” fails to factor in the failure the medical industry has towards how mental health and/or disabilities affect the brain of a person who is AFAB.

[quodekash]

OKAY, WHAT THE FLIP WAS THAT?? 

SERIOUSLY, WHAT W A S THAT?? 

we got one (1) soundwin scene and a lot of crumbs 

it honestly felt like we got more tiwpor than we did soundwin, which is awesome bc tiwpor deserve their time to shine, but also soundwin are killing me and ive been waiting for the flirting all week and all we got was a cheek-pinch and that’s about it 

and the 3/4 part of the episode had basically ZERO SOUNDWIN?? which never happens????? 

AND GUN’S FREAKING MOTHER HAS A FREAKING TUMOUR AND POOR TRAUMATISED GUN SPENDS THIS EPISODE FREAKING OUT AND HIDING BEHIND TRAUMA WALLS AND I SWEAR IF THEY MAKE HIM AN ORPHAN IM GONNA GO TO THAILAND JUST TO SLAP WHOEVER DECIDED THAT 

but ‘a tale of thousand scores’ was freaking hilarious, i love all these references they make to their other shows 

AND THE BAND DECIDED TIW LIKES ONE OF THEM, AND SOUND GOT VERY DEFENSIVE AND ANGRY WHEN PAT SUGGESTED IT MIGHT BE WIN, BUT THEN THEY THOUGHT POR AND THEY ALL SEEM TO AGREE IT MUST BE POR AND POR SEEMED TO BE TOO STUNNED TO SAY ANYTHING, SO EITHER HE IS SECRETLY DATING (or at least likes) TIW AT THIS POINT AND HE WAS TOO SHOCKED TO THINK OF SOME KIND OF WITTY RESPONSE, OR HE’S GENUINELY CONFUSED ABOUT THAT, BUT EITHER WAY THEYRE GOING DOWN THE FREAKING TIWPOR ROUTE AND IVE NEVER SEEN THEM FOCUS SO MUCH ON, NOT ONE, BUT TWO SIDE COUPLES 

oh and also yo saying that the song made him think of nook and that he’s gonna call her was so pure and sweet and i love them 

we’ve also been lacking in the tiw-tinn friendship department for a few episodes so it was nice to see that a little bit more in this episode 

AND FREAKING GUN IS TERRIFIED OF BECOMING AN ORPHAN AND LOSING BOTH HIS PARENTS AND HE DOESNT WANT HER TO LEAVE HIM AS WELL AND KEPT ASKING HER TO PROMISE HIM BUT SHE NEVER DID BC SHE DOESNT KNOW WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS SO SHE DOESNT WANT TO PROMISE ANYTHING JUST IN CASE IT GOES BADLY, COS THEN GUN WILL PROBABLY NEVER TRUST A PROMISE EVER AGAIN 

and tinn telling gim about everything he’s done for gun over the years is so freaking sweet 

also the song from the end of episode 5 was playing in the background a bit throughout this episode so im hoping that means we’ll eventually get it on spotify cos i need it 

also only one sponsorship scene and it was with the soundwin drink (theyre literally copying everything to do with soundwin. first the medal kiss, now the Sprinkle water, what’s next?) 

AND WHAT HAPPENED WITH PHOTJANEE AFTER SHE SAW THE CALL FROM GUN??? WHAT ARE HER THOUGHTS?? WHAT ARE HER FEELINGS??? WHY ARE WE GONNA THAT SHOT OF HER CRYING IN TINN’S DAD’S ARMS?? WHY DOES SHE CRY?????? 

also THE GROUP T-SHIRTS OMG I WANT ONE 

and sound being friendly with tinn???????? when did THAT happen??? are we ever gonna get an explanation for this “rivalry” or are they gonna leave us in the dark forever?? 

THE WAY GUN POINTED TO ALL THE CHINZHILLA MEMBERS ON “no stopping because ive got youuuuuu” WAS SO SWEET AND IM CRYING 

AND THEN, NATURALLY, THEY LEAVE IT ON A FREAKING CLIFFHANGER SO NOW I HAVE TO HAVE THIS ANTICIPATION (that i described to my friend by saying “i swear my heart is beating as fast as sound’s when he’s around win, which is pretty bloody fast) FOR ANOTHER FREAKING WEEK???? it’s not even a joke at this point, i might actually go into cardiac arrest 

and then that freaking PREVIEW??? 

THEY MADE IT INTENTIONALLY AMBIGUOUS SO WE HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE WHAT’S GONNA BLOODY HAPPEN 

however i do see tiwpor standing alone in a stairwell and por tripping down the stairs and tiw being super worried so TIWPOR NEXT EPISODE??? but also 'im being punished because i forgot to redeem my wish' WHAT DOES THAT MEAN i mean i know it's probably referring to when they made wishes to the buddha statue in episode 9, but what does he mean 'redeem my wish'? and what was his wish? did he wish for what everyone thought they were each wishing for (to win hot wave)? or did he wish for something to do with tiw? and does ‘redeem my wish’ mean his wish didnt come true, and he needs to apologise for some reason (it’s 1:30 in the morning i cant think of a reason rn man), or does it mean his wish did come true and he forgot to thank the buddha/make sure the wish continued by going back to the buddha? (also i very much hope im using the right word for the statue they wished/prayed to in episode 9, i know next to nothing about buddhism so someone pls correct me if im using the wrong terms and stuff) 

and i think they're trekking back up to the buddha statue, cos it looks like the same place, but on the way there por gets really thirsty but they cant drink them cos those are their offerings? and also if you look closely on the trekk up there's win and por and yo travelling together to support yo, but win is using the crutches, and behind them you can see pat walking with his arm around sound for support???? 

and then an argument arises in the group (more specifically: between win and pat, which is very not predictable at all???? like win id expect but why pat??)

and gun didnt wish for them to win hot wave, he just wanted them to not be disappointed for being in the club. and then they have a group hug.

and then tinn says "so that means you and i..." and seems to be leaning in for a kiss and then the preview ends?????

im getting mixed messages, i have so many freaking questions, HOW DO WE WAIT A WEEK FOR THIS???? 

also im feeling like not all my questions will be answered, cos there’s literally two episodes left (how did it go by so fast???) 

anyway, those are my thoughts. uh. yeah. idk how to feel about this ep. it made me cry a lot. yeah. 

[whentherewerebicycles]

last week I sat down and synthesized my notes from the dozens of faculty meetings I’ve had this summer, then developed a proposal for a pilot program I thought could address multiple faculty/student needs in one go. my boss’s whims can be difficult to predict so I genuinely had no clue how she would react. but today I pitched it to her and she was so psyched she paid for my breakfast and kept saying “I’d pay more!! I’d pay even more for that idea!!!” as we walked out of the café lol. so the day got off to a positive start!! there are still a LOT of kinks to work out but I think it’s a solid idea and I now have her blessing to dig in on the planning. so I am looking forward to that! I also used that wave of good feeling to get permission to ditch this painfully clunky database I inherited from my predecessor. I’ve spent a big chunk of the summer trying to figure out how to make that cursed thing functional and the answer is that I just can’t, not with the other priorities on our plate this year and the capacity we currently have.

so those are two huge wins!!!!! then I had a good meeting with my new PM which felt great. she’s not maybe my platonic ideal of a direct report lol but she’s very capable and it’s good to begin seeing all the ways that will make my life easier. I really want us to have a great working relationship with minimal friction and I think I am figuring out how to make that happen. it helped a lot to consciously shift into mentoring/coaching mode with her last week… it helps me be more patient and take my own ego out of the equation, and it’s also just a mode I’m very practiced in! so I have very good time-tested strategies for building rapport and giving people autonomy with structure/support and delivering constructive criticism in a way that makes people feel like we’re problem-solving an issue as a team. I think I can’t do a new thing well until I’ve built myself a conceptual framework for the skill that l guides my decision-making and helps me make sense of what I’m doing and why. so the first week was rough and then the second was experimenting & reflecting & adjusting. now in the third week I am settling into a provisional conceptual framework for managing people and I feel a lot calmer/more sure in my decisions and responses as a result. I am sure I will have to keep adjusting and learning as new stuff comes up but we are settling into a good groove and I think we are going to get a lot done in august/september before the year starts.

phew ok!!!! had some other meetings today too all of them good lots to do now but luckily tomorrow is 100% open and I plan to block the entire time to do sustained project work at home. now gonna head home and prob go to the gym/make dinner with liz before we have another sleepover!!! so much friend time my life is so good!!!!!!

[dumbbitchfrommars]

the post breakup (unofficial breakup) clarity is so real. im so embarrassed that i felt that way for him. he was definitely not worth all that. man couldnt even make me cum. why do i work so hard to romanticise men who so clearly dont deserve me? he couldnt be more unworthy. and yet i kept giving him chance after chance. and he fumbled every fucking time. what a loser.

i think im off men now. like genuinely at this point, whatever public backlash or internalised shame i have about being with a woman is worth more than the feeling of shame and regret i have for being with men that dont deserve me. its literally so embarrassing. the fact ive done it SO MANY TIMES NOW. multiple low caliber men have had the opportunity and the privilege to say they have been with me, have had a chance with me, to have access to my body and my time and my energy. and they have been so disappointing. every. single. time. genuinely every one.

im done.

i need to be single or with a woman now. i have one who wants me and has been so clear about it... and weve had so many little moments together too. its perfect and sweet and innocent and magical, but im still not quite ready. i need to be alone. i need to recover from this embarrassing situation. also, i need to actually end things with him - like tell him that its over. cause its been over for a week now. but he has no fucking clue, lol. i can finally cut him off and make space for new energy. what a waste of my time. it was a shortlived relationship, no doubt, and he made sure of it. but still that short time was wasted stressing out over him. its a good thing it coincided with me wasting my time at this shitty job that im also about to leave. i love when things end and i can make space for better. this was just a lot sooner than id anticipated.

i may be needing some space from my sister during this time too. considering how much she tried to convince me out of both of these decisions for so long - at least it gave me the chance to be completely 100% certain in my own decision. still... why did you push me so much like that?

[liveinthebedroom]

seems as good a purpose as any to shout into the void

stating the obvious

we deserved better and I didn't let us have it

i'm never gonna stop wishing i could make it up to you

my heart yells at me about you daily like we're never going to decide "enough is enough"

i don't know how to leave you be

i wish i could've been the place you felt safe coming home to

i want to (kick my own ass every day) kill my ego

armed with self protective mechanisms -gone sour eons prior- i fought the genuine love you tried to give

wouldnt look past my own fear and booooy

if i don't knock myself daily for it

all you ever did was care for me

and try to care for yourself, too

god am i finally done holding you accountable for that which you're not at fault?

the last time i knew you, i knew that you're clever, but incredibly unkind to yourself

so while logically you might know what's best you might not feel you deserve it

you shouldn't have to attempt to heal your trauma from me, with me still pulling at your coat tails

i don't know if it's something that heals, when you've held onto attachment or association to me

i think that might be why you've stayed gone

and truly loving you is honouring your choice here

and i think you've decided you need to leave any variation of "us" behind

i wish you could teach me how you do it

i have no clue about distancing myself from the warmest memories and the greatest love i've known

my friend told me once she thinks it's that i don't have a chapter after you, yet

i don't know if i'll ever grant myself that

going on meant gathering experiences, allowing my life to keep going and opening myself back up to others, or at least trying to. and i've kept trying

the events transpired between us feel more my fault than yours. i wouldn't let you go. i wouldn't let you go be loved by somebody who knew how to do it right, or at least cared for learn

i don't hold your choices against you

my trust issues predate you.

before us, the only thing i'd seen consistently is pain. even if the beauty had been there -i'm sure it was- i didn't have eyes for it. not til you

and then i decided that you must be a mirage

i imagine what's in your heart and i don't think you wanted anything ever but to feel and give love

that's what i wanted, too and i feel you knew

you always looked through my shit to see that, to see me, to hold me in that loving gaze and i....i spat back

i am afraid because your love is one of a kind and i cost myself a very special sort of lifetime

in this life, the retaliatory force i have been

cost me more than i've ever wanted to see

2 things for which i sincerely hope :

i find out how to forgive myself for who i've been

and you figure out you deserve all the love in the world

i think i pushed you away, out of sight out of mind cause i couldn't handle discomfort

and i thought losing you again might literally kill me

i imagine i'd handle it differently today

i'd have never let myself leave to begin with