#i keep forgetting to post this so here it is!!

[cassandraclare]

Kit to Ty

Election day: misery, stress, hair-pulling, at least for Americans (and a lot of other people around the world affected by our politics!) So I thought I'd post a distraction; I hope it helps and doesn't annoy!

A while ago I posted the beginning of a letter from Kit to Ty, created for a Kickstarter backer. Here's the full text:

A letter from Kit to Ty, never sent.

Ty, Ty, Ty.

Your name looks strange written out like that. Like an abbreviation. But Tiberius would be so formal. I never think of you that way. Or, I suppose I should say, I never thought of you that way. Tenses matter in these situations, I guess.

It’s late, past midnight, and I’m sitting on the windowsill in my bedroom at Cirenworth. Jem and Tessa gave me one of the best rooms. Of course they did. It has a view out over the gardens. Sometimes I see the ghost of a dog there, a golden retriever I’m pretty sure, running in and out of the flowerbeds. He seems like a pretty happy ghost. I think about how much you like animals and how much they love you, because of course they do. But it’s too late; this dog passed away a long time ago. You probably couldn’t even see him. It’s too late for a lot of things, now.  

I’m still mad at you, and I don’t feel good about that. Maybe if I could forget, I could forgive. But I can’t forget that night you brought Livvy back. I’ll suddenly remember even when I’m thinking about something else. I’ll be in the middle of helping Tessa in the garden and suddenly I’ll turn around and I’m back in Idris. 

I remember I told you I loved you. I remember I told you I would help you, but not if you raised Livvy from the dead. Not if you did necromancy. But you wanted that more than you wanted me.

And I understand that. I’m not angry about that. Here’s what I’m angry about: when you brought Livvy back, you changed yourself. You made yourself a different person than the one I loved. I don’t know the person you are now. You took yourself away from me. I can’t forgive that. And you made me someone who has to keep a secret I never wanted to keep. I was raised by someone who had so many awful secrets, and when I started my life as a Shadowhunter I wanted to do it openly, and honestly. But now I’m just someone else with secrets I can never tell. Just like my dad.

It makes me angry, so angry. I want to yell at you. I wish you were here so I could yell at you.

Kit

[kaijutegu]

hey friends if you're looking for a way to limit social media consumption because your family makes you sad or you get into some real dark thoughts whenever you open twitter, here's something good you can do for yourself.

first, figure out what your muscle memory social media sites are. like for me, i usually pop open a twitter or facebook tab regardless of what i'm doing. i don't think about it, my fingers just kinda. go there, for checking on stuff. i use other social media sites but i have to think about going there, these are just my muscle memory social media sites. oh before i go further, this is for desktop/laptop, my advice for mobile is just uninstall the app versions of your muscle memory social media sites are.

then, download LeechBlock. there's other blockers too but like, that's the one I use bc I enjoy its functionality.

throw your muscle memory sites into the blocker. one of the things I like so much about LeechBlock is that you can give it blocks of time that you can access the site. if you have people you're checking on, if you want to get news from wherever, that's ok, but genuinely, do not give yourself unfettered access to the worst of what humanity has to offer. because that's what a lot of these muscle memory social media platforms are. because that's what a lot of social media has become. (not you tungl.hell, you're special.)

anyways here's what i set up. i noticed that it's facebook and twitter being my scylla and charbydis of doomscrolling, so i just created a custom filter to block them and just set my time limit to forever.

and if you NEED access to these sites you can set up times where you can block them more specifically, but for me, accessing them in my main browser is... a bad idea.

see, the whole point of this is to wean me off of the muscle memory. i'm use to pressing f+enter and facebook comes up. now when i want to access fb, it's a pain in the ass. that minor inertia keeps me away from it, and i can still easily access it in my work browser when i need it for herp society stuff. but that tiny barrier to entry makes a huge difference.

another thing you can do is log out of these sites each time you leave and have it not remember your login and so that makes logging in an intentional choice each time, which is often a disincentive or at least promotes spending more time deciding to be there. but that's more work than my lazy set it and forget it method.

the truth is that these sites are not likely to help you unless you're doing something specific and can avoid most of your feed. even if you have lots of good friends and community, you can't opt out of the terrible algo posts, and they are going to serve up polarizing content and right now, you probably don't need that. or if you do, you need it in a more mindful context, you need to not be sort of... drifting to your social platforms. i'm not saying don't engage at all, i'm saying be smart and thoughtful about it. as always, you are responsible for curating your own internet experience, and this includes after a real bad election. this is a tool you can use to protect yourself and stop doomscrolling before it starts.

[intimidating-fettuccine]

This post is coming from me in my space of panic and resignation that I have been in all day, but I just. I felt the need to say anything at all.

Please do what you can to survive. This week, for the next few years, maybe forever. Please do what you can to survive. We cannot give up, we have to remain unified and continue supporting each other. That is all we can do. I don’t know what the future will look like, but we should be prepared to handle anything.

If you are like me, a female, I wish you so much support. With the rights we are about to lose, please keep yourself safe. Look into birth control if you can, especially IUDs or implants, I’ve been doing that myself. Please only surround yourself with people that you know are trustworthy. I’ve seen lots of women saying they’re going to be joining the South Korean 4B movement (not dating, having sex with, marrying, or having children with men), and honestly I encourage it. Even if you’d like to be a mother, it’s not safe anymore. If something goes wrong with your wanted pregnancy, there’s an incredibly high likelihood that you will not be able to receive care. That is a horrific reality, but it’s something we need to be aware of. If you are in a safe, loving relationship I am incredibly happy for you and I wish you the best. If you are not, or if you are single, do whatever you can to get to a safe place, please.

To any of my LGBT+ followers, please remain safe. Please, please, please be careful, with what you say, with who you talk to, with how you present yourself. I can’t even imagine how terrifying things might become, but I don’t want any of you to be ashamed, to stop being who you are. Just please be safe in how you do so. I wish you all so much luck and love because you all deserve to be free to express yourselves, to live as who you are in freedom and not be so heavily judged and prosecuted and punished. Please have safe spaces, and safe people to surround yourself with if you can. This blog will ALWAYS be a safe and inclusive space for you. I see you, and I accept you, and I support you so much. Please take care.

My support goes out to everyone who is about to be effected, because it is about to be more than just women and LGBT+ members, but I wanted to touch on those two specifically because they are the ones closest to me. I love you all. I’m sorry that this is how things turned out, but we need to keep going. We need to stay strong. We need to keep fighting and surviving because they want us to give in and we can’t do that. It might get incredibly tough next year, in the next four years or even longer, but you cannot give them the satisfaction. You have to outlive them, to prove to them that you can survive and that you deserve to be here.

I don’t particularly care if anyone thinks I’m being dramatic about this and I’m not trying to fearmonger. I don’t want anyone to be scared, but I can’t hide the fact that I’m scared. That I don’t know how things are going to look moving forward. But I care about each and every one of you.

Continue living with airport rules right now (doing whatever it takes to get to your destination of the future). He’s not in there yet. We are still safe right now. Please do what you can to prepare and to steel yourself for any outcome. But, for the next couple weeks, please just take care of yourselves. Indulge in activities you love, eat food you love, sleep as much as you can, take care of yourself as much as you can. You are not alone in this. Everyone that voted for her, we are all in this together. We cannot forget that.

I love you all so much. Please be safe. Know that you are not alone. Be strong, and be proud of what you fought for and who you are. You deserve to be here, and you deserve to be who you are.

[scourgefrontiers]

i will say that genuinely the amount of posts im seeing that are saying we have to keep living and waking up and moving forward with each other is rly helping me stay sane. its giving me hope fr.

like..idk. i woke up thinking that there must be so much hatred in people's hearts for this to have happened, but seeing everyone trying to uplift others is genuinely giving me hope and reminding me that there Is still love and good in the world and i dont want to let myself forget that.

so ya. i agree. keep living. keep living bc there is still love and hope and good out there despite them not wanting there to be. we're doing this together. i'll wake up with u tomorrow, and the next day, and the week after that, and the year after that. u wont be alone bc we're all here together. we're all holding hands with our hearts and they cant make us stop.

[baronfulmen]

Important update!

My mom has to go to the hospital due to a recurring health issue (while that's the important thing here it's not what this post is about) and she wants me to come over and keep my dad company because he has Alzheimer's and shouldn't be alone for too long.

And I mean. Yes of course I will do this for her. But.

My dad has had his brain totally turned to mush by talk radio. It started way back with the Tea Party stuff, and as the Alzheimer's kicked in it went into turbo mode.

He literally thinks the fundraising emails he gets are Trump talking directly to him.

He called my brother to tell him not to put my nephew in school because they'll do a sex change operation on him. (Side note, he did not call me about my kids who are currently in public school so? Did he just decide it's too late, or forget about them, or?)

He fully believes whatever conspiracy theory he hears. And I am probably going to be spending election day with him.

Election Night Is Gonna Be Bullshit

Honestly I would suggest skipping it. Shut off your data. Go out into the woods. Board up your doors and windows. Hide under the covers with a good book.

The thing is, regardless of who wins or by how much it's going to be a stupid, stressful ride. Probably it's not going to be an obvious landslide (though with these polls literally anything is possible which basically just means the polls are worthless) so you're not going to know right away.

And in the end, after all the stress of watching the news call states and doing the math for electoral votes and finding out several of them are too close to call? Either Trump wins which is awful, or Harris wins which means Trump has a fit and sues everyone and maybe riots again. There's going to be recounts, there's going to be lawsuits. If those go to the Supreme Court we have to worry about how corrupt that whole thing is.

We will maybe have an idea of how the election went on Friday.

So for the love of all that is good in this world, please do not try to follow the election results in real time. You will go crazy. I will probably drop off the face of the internet for a few days and I suggest you do the same.

See you all on the other side.

[achingly-shy]

now that you're here, please consider reading the rest of this post and supporting my friend asmaa and her family in palestine!!!! those things that we may need more of every so often are critically important to asmaa's family, so please consider helping them.

asmaa is a 19-year-old student of computer engineering from gaza who dreamed of making a difference through work as a computer engineer after the conclusion of her schooling. however, her dreams have been disrupted by the war and bombardment, and her and her family desperately need our help!!!

asmaa's home was destroyed and her father lost his means of livelihood. she is trying to raise $50,000 ($5,000 for each of her family members) so that they can escape gaza and rebuild their lives, including the continuation of asmaa's education.

please please please consider donating to their campaign, or at the very least, please follow asmaa at @asmaamajed2 to keep up with her posts. i know there’s a lot going on with the us election results, but it’s important that we don’t forget about palestinians now more than ever. asmaa wanted me to make this post to boost her story, so please reblog reblog reblog to spread the word!!!!

[brucewaynehater101]

Ok ok I love angst as much as the next person and I have been devouring these sad “Tim has to be Bruce for the rest of his life” AU while Bruce dies in Tim’s body… but is there a happy version anywhere, too? Where Bruce realizes how hard Tim works every day, how much he tries to control in a desperate attempt to keep everyone and everything together?

Where they spend a few weeks in each other’s shoes and gain a better understanding of one another and talk it out and when they switch back they’re closer than ever?

Bruce can also find out about the asplenia, the many many many wounds Tim gained and sacrifices Tim made while searching for him, and Bruce can realize as he looks in the mirror that “holy shit, this is a child. This is a child and look what my war has done to him.”

Idk I like happy endings after a bunch of angst 🥺

Mmm... Nothing wrong with wanting happy endings, lmao. I don't prefer hurt no comfort unless I need to feel something, ya know?

Anyways ~ Here's a link to the OG post.

Happy ending!!!

For Tim, he starts to understand why Bruce grows really grumpy some days. He feels the way Bruce's bones ache, how his back twinges and tenses, the crack in his knees, and the way the scars pull along his skin. Some days are more manageable than others. It takes some adjusting, but Tim's able to apply some of the methods he's used (and uses) to find ones that work for Bruce. He takes notes on any patterns so he'll be able to better predict when Bruce might have a bad day.

This helps immensely when they switch. Tim can subtly implement these or get one of the family members to bully Bruce into taking care of himself. The old man may be able to grit through the pain, but he doesn't have to. The family will keep reminding him of it.

Bruce, on the other hand, is surprised by the meticulous upkeep of Tim's body. While they all follow routines to a point in order to maintain their night life, Tim never appeared to follow them. Bruce has seen the teen chug four zesti energy drinks in a row.

But Tim has schedules, allowances, remedies, recoveries, and tries to stay on top of it. He struggles, particularly with eating (he feels nauseous and can forget), but he has tons of reminders.

Tim also has So. Much. Work. Between Titans, Red Robin, WE, and maintaining his relationships with friends and family, he's constantly busy. His monthly planner is a fucking nightmare.

So, after they switch back, Bruce straight up asks how best he can support Tim. Tim is so shocked he ends up staring at Bruce without blinking for five minutes straight.

[tinfoil-jones]

Gravity Falls: For Your Own Good, Ch. 5

Summary: A few years after moving to Gravity Falls and having his lab built, Stanford Pines happens upon his estranged twin brother, Stanley. He mentally prepared himself to be suffocated by his brothers neediness all over again - what he wasn't prepared for was Stanley walking right past him like he didn't even notice him.

Rating: M for language, violence, and adult implications

Preface: Dialogue only, but some actions will be annotated for clarity. Cross-Posted on AO3 Here

First - Prev - Next

CH.5

“Hey, stretch. You here to play doctor?”

“I’d just like to interview you. I’m not going to touch you if that's what you’re concerned about.”

“Why not?”

“...ANYhow, I have a few questions for you.”

“Yes, I'm single.”

“Not those kinds of questions. Can you tell me your full first name?”

“Can you give me yours first?”

“Fiddleford.”

“Stan.”

“Okay, Stan. Where are you from? And don’t you dare say from my dreams.”

“Well yeah, I’d say ‘from your dreams’, not mine. Other than that, probably some gutters or a ditch somewhere.”

“What do you mean?”

“As far as I remember, I’ve been out on the streets, or in prison. I think I had a car at some point? But I dunno what happened with that, it makes my head burn trying to think about it.”

“Do you have any family?”

“No.”

“Do you remember ever having a family?”

“I don’t remember having one, but I feel like I had one before.”

“What do you feel like happened to them?”

“They probably got tired of my BS and told me to take a hike. It’s how it always goes with me.”

“That’s a theory you’ve put together. I’m asking what you feel like happened.”

“Feel like I had a dad who was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me. I feel like I had a mom who was a liar - I probably got it from her. Maybe a sibling or two? But they don’t want me around.”

“And what do you think about Stanford?”

“You mean the guy who drugged me, kidnapped me, and is keeping me prisoner in his evil basement sub-lab in the middle of the woods? I gotta say, he makes an impression.”

“But does he seem familiar to you?”

“I don’t think I could forget someone like him” 

“Is it because of his six fingers?”

“It’s twelve , and no, that's pretty normal compared to all of his other weird crap. It’s because he’s fucking crazy , and convinced I’m some mystery twin of his. But let’s stop talking about him, and talk about you instead. Are you single? You doing anything later?”

“Stay on track, Stan. Let’s take a step back and go back to talking about you. Have you recently gotten into any accidents or sustained major injuries?”

“Define ‘major’.”

“Beg your pardon?”

“Judging by your friend's reaction to the stab wounds when we met, I don’t think your definition of major injury is the same as mine.”

---

"What did you determine, Fiddleford?"

"It wasn't easy to glean things because he would not stop flirting with me - was he always this way?"

"He was a little girl-crazy when we were younger, I didn't know he liked men. But that doesn’t matter right now, what were your findings?"

"He has full cognitive function. And based on your scans he has no signs of brain damage - comparing images of his brain to yours, his genetically identical twin, there isn't any morphological difference. Based on my interview, it sounds like he's never sustained significant head trauma neither.”

"But..?"

"If he really does have amnesia, it wasn't caused by a head injury."

"What else could it be?"

"A few things - perhaps he took a drug or substance that warped his brain chemistry. Or- more likely in my opinion, based on his lifestyle and what little history he tells me, he might have undergone extreme distress that caused a mental breakdown."

"Mental trauma can cause someone to lose their memories?"

"Our memories can be a shield and a sword, Stanford. Even good memories that can comfort you through a difficult time, can also cause pain and frustration when compared to a bad predicament.

He must have gone through something so traumatic that the only way his mind could cope with the stress was to... forget things. This is a phenomenon known as repression . Most of the time, a person would repress the traumatic event itself, but it looks like he’s defied the statistics and forgotten everything else instead.”

“He can’t be… that traumatized, right? This is Stanley we’re talking about.”

“I don’t know what he was like before, but he’s got a mullet, Stanford. There ain’t no way he's in a good place mentally.”

"And how would repressing memories about our family- about me , possibly help him cope with trauma?"

"If I'm going to be frank with you, this is the first time in the years that I've known you that you even mentioned having a twin brother . You've talked about other family members before, such as your older brother Sherman, but never him.

If his mind had to prioritize which memories to keep, why would it keep memories of someone he isn't close to?"

"We are- well, we were close."

"Were is a strong word, Stanford. Survival focuses on the present, not the past.”

“... What can we do to get his memories back?”

“I’m not a therapist. But perhaps if you can get him out of the survival mindset, he’d be open to some introspection.”

“So we must disable his fight-flight-freeze response…”

“Stanford Pines, I will throw that damn tranquilizer gun down the bottomless pit if you don’t put it down. Ya'll really need to stop using the slippery slope of science without consideration for morality like it's a damn seesaw. There are other ways to get him out of fight-flight.”

“Such as?”

“I would suggest you make him feel like he’s in a safe space, but that might not work.”

“Why not? He’s perfectly safe here.”

“But does he know that? From his perspective, you’re a stranger who shot him with a tranq dart and imprisoned in your basement for scientific exploitation. And I’ll remind you, this is all without his consent. He is here against his will.”

“It’s for his own good.”

“According to you, someone he thinks he doesn’t know. This may be your twin, Stanford, but he doesn’t know that. You need to gain his trust; maybe he would have trusted you by default in the past, but that isn’t the case now.”

“I… I’m not sure how to do that, Fiddleford. At one point, we knew everything about each other. And now I barely know him, and he thinks I’m a stranger. I’m still angry at him, and still bitter about what he did before he left home, and I’m disappointed in the conman and convict he turned into… but I’m sad, because he's convinced he’s not my brother.”

“You ain’t exactly the same person you were even when we first met all them years ago. People change. How about you try talking to him?”

“Just talking to him?”

“This may be difficult for you in particular, but you should try talking to him like he’s a person; and not a science experiment, anomaly, or an equation you’re trying to solve… Hey, hey don’t be looking like the last pea at pea-time now. I believe in you, you got this.”

“Thank you, Fiddleford.”

*Ford goes back downstairs to the lab. Fiddleford waits for him to be out of earshot before speaking*

“Bless his heart. This is going to be a disaster.”

To be continued…

[chongoblog]

Sure!

For context first, I want to say that this was part of a fun challenge I had Red give me. Basically I wanted to cook more, so I had Red give me a Single Ingredient that I had to use for a meal, and then that day I'd get stuff for it. The ingredient in question was cheddar cheese

Biscuits: Found this one online, admittedly. Mostly because I'd never made biscuits before (hell I'd never made my own dough!!), so I found a recipe for Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. Here's a link to it. I followed it pretty closely (including the topping), with some exceptions, like subbing in garlic salt for the garlic powder and salt. I personally feel like I left it in the over for a little long, but they still turned out great, and I'm especially proud with how my very first biscuits turned out! And I managed to use the cheddar cheese that I needed to use!

Green Beans: So one thing you'll learn as I post these recipes (which, who knows, maybe I'll post these more regularly) is that I LOVE sautee-ing things. And these green beans are no exception. I put some spoonfuls of butter in a pan along with some garlic, salt, some pepper, heated it up, and just sauteed these bad boys for a while. I did forget to cut off the tips, which I won't forget next time. The big trick is to make sure that they soak up the flavor of that garlic and butter while still keeping that crunch. I feel like I could've kept em on longer, since they were still SUPER crunchy, but that might just be my sensitive teeth talking.

Shrimp: After the green beans are done, I covered em up with a paper towel to try and keep em warm, and I use the same pan I used for the beans to cook the shrimp. After all, the garlic and butter I figured would do WONDERS for the shrimp. I did add a hearty dose of lemon juice to the pan for cooking the shrimp in as well. I got the shrimp raw and already peeled, because frankly, I was already doing a bunch of stuff I hadn't done before, so I didn't wanna have to add a whole other step.

Something else to note is that after it was all said and done, there was a fun little mix of butter, garlic and lemon juice that the shrimp was cooking in, and I poured that shit on the green beans and shrimp. And if that wasn't good enough, some of it pooled up on my plate, and dipping the biscuit in that was NEXT LEVEL.

Anyway, glad I did this fun little challenge. I'll probably do it again and make more stuff. Hope you all enjoy me slowly turning into a cooking blog, I guess lmao.

Red Lobster ain’t got shit on me tbh

[ladysomething]

I forget, is it snippet wednesday or full chapter wednesday today?

hi!

it is snippet Wednesday, and I did post one last night, but after the day we've alll had .. fuck it, lets have another one.

this one will also be heavily edited before it makes it's way to ao3, so that's exciting! yay for seeing the process!

“You can talk to me,” Max murmurs, voice so endearingly awkward and unsure. “If you want. I—I’ll listen.” 

He’s so nice. He’s always so nice, always just wants to be kind to him, but Charles doesn’t think he deserves it. 

“Why would you do that for me?” Charles asks, sniffling loudly. 

It’s pathetic. He’s pathetic. 

“You know why,” Max answers, a little helplessly. 

Charles’ heart squeezes, so painfully it makes him whimper. He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve Max, and his unwavering loyalty, his dedication to keeping Charles safe even when he was being such a dick. He definitely doesn’t deserve to still have Max’s love, even when Charles can give him nothing back.

“I’m sorry,” Charles says, but it comes out almost as a sob. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’ve been so mean to you and now you’re stuck with me forever and I can’t even . . .” 

“Stuck?” Max asks, clearly bewildered. Charles doesn’t blame him—he’s just as confused at his own behaviour. It makes him cry harder, because Max is being so gentle, even though Charles is acting crazy. “What on Earth makes you think I feel stuck? If anything, you’re the one stuck with me.” 

“You are,” Charles cries, fists tightening in Max’s shirt. “You’re so nice, and you always defend me, even though Lando was right, because I can’t make any food and you always have to do it and maybe I can’t have kids but everyone keeps telling me that you want them! I’ve ruined everything. I ruined your life, and my life, and what if I can’t even win the Championship? What if I’m not good enough? And—and—Kelly! What about Kelly? Jean-Luc is here, all the time, and not with Kelly and Penelope and it’s all my fault, I’m so stupid, I don’t know why all of you would do this for me! I’m not worth it, I’m not, Max, I’m so stupid.” 

Max rubs gentle, soothing circles on his back as Charles sobs desperately into his neck. He doesn’t even know where half of that came from, which just makes him cry more. 

What is he even saying? What is he talking about? He really is so fucking stupid—

“You’re not stupid,” Max whispers fervently. “Don’t even say that. You’ve been put in an awful situation and you tried to make the best of it. That doesn’t make you stupid.” 

Charles sobs loudly, rubbing his wet face against Max’s shirt. 

“Don’t be nice to me,” Charles whispers desperately. “I don’t deserve for you to be nice to me.”

[achillean-heartbeat]

Listening to the AWTWB Baz playlist Rainbow Rowell has posted on spotify is... devastating.

i am in love with all of Rainbow's playlists and her annotations on her site. i absolutely love how much thought she puts into them in relation to her characters, and how much you can find Simon and Baz in their respective playlists.

But the AWTWB: Baz playlist, specifically, holds a special place in my heart...

The absolute fucking SOFTNESS from the first song till the very last... while listening i can SEE Baz cradling his own vulnerable bleeding heart in his hands and holding it out to Simon no matter the consequences...

I will never shut up about Rainbow's playlists for her characters. They're so good they make me weep everytime i listen.

Edit: Fuck it.

Here's all the specific lyrics in the AWTWB: BAZ playlist by Rainbow Rowell on spotify that made me physically clutch my heart from pain (and love. For Baz.):

"We thought love was something, we weren't meant to find, but now you're a stranger"

"but you don't remember, August honey, you were mine."

"I can't forget those earlier days, when i was in your heart, Now you take my hand, and it's as cold, as when you speak."

"Cannot count the ways you used to love me, But I can count the ways you used to try"

"The cries are just the start, To a fallen angel, While one hand takes the cross, Another lights the candle"

"would you feel, together and inebriated, enabling of a fable, we were never meant to be but together."

"I want say what lovers say to you, I want to feel what lovers feel with you, I want to do it with you. Would you be my lover?"

"Remember the time you told me love was touching souls, Surely you touched mine 'cause part of you pours out of me."

"You're in my blood, you're my holy wine. You taste so bitter and so sweet. Oh I could drink a case of you darling"

"You felt shelter somewhere in me, I find great comfort in you, And I keep you safe from harm, You hold me in your arms"

"I've got your back, And though, it's stacked against us, I've got your hand, It's us against consensus, And I will burn, The people who hurt you"

"You know it's time that we, Grow old and do some shit, I like it all that way"

"Won't you please let me go?, These words lie inside they hurt me so, I've Lost you, I've Lost you, I've Lost you."

"Please don't let me hit the ground, Tonight I think I'll walk alone, I'll find my soul as I go home."

"Looking out at endless snow, Waiting in the silence, If you won't spill your heart, I'll chase you for the worst you owe."

"You are the answer to my question, You are my accomplice in a crime."

"In the twilight they danced and played, The fireflies they go light like cray, In the dreaming we struck each other, and prayed, for pain."

"Two melting candles against the sun, Modern angels they broke our wings in the wind, For what?"

"But when I'm asleep, I want somebody, Who will put their arms around me, And kiss me tenderly"

"Who knows how long I've loved you, You know I love you still, Will I wait a lonely lifetime, If you want me to, I will."

The more i listen to this playlist, the more i cry, the more i ache over baz and the unconditional love this boy, this man, holds in his heart.

Thank you @rainbowrowell.

[hannibalsbignaturals]

I’m in no way intending to be rude but.. does anyone else find some of the fan art in the Hannibal NBC fandom to be a little uncomfy? I won’t say any names, this isn’t a call out post. But the drawings of Hannibal as a super jacked out dude with a popped button shirt, a very obvious bulge, and Will is super skinny, drowned in Hannibal’s massive shirt, and he is, as one might say, “twink-ified”?

I don’t have a problem with smutty art (though some of it is cringe, I’m not here to yuck somebody’s yum) the problem I have with it is that there are real people behind the character’s that are being drawn, like Mads Mikkelsen and Hugh Dancy, if I was an actor and saw that i would feel a little violated 😅

And I saw a pic of the artist showing Mads Mikkelsen the suggestive fan-art of him as Hannibal they had made, and I couldn’t help but cringe on mad’s behalf. I think these types of things should stay on the internet.. or maybe in your personal private folder, because the NBC character ‘Hannibal’ literally has Mads Mikkelsen’s face, so when I look at extremely smutty fan art of Hannibal.. technically it’s Mads Mikkelsen because he plays the character, right?that’s what makes me uncomfy. And also the poor way that the character’s are being portrayed, Will Graham would never act like that lol! (Looking at you, twink Will Graham)

i just think we can become so absorbed or fixated on a character, project our fantasies onto it, upload it for everyone to see, and forget that their are real people behind these characters. I think it’s a little dehumanising.

Though this is just my personal opinion, my opinion is not fact nor law, nor do I claim it to be truth. absolutely no hate to anybody! If you wanna keep drawing smutty art of character’s, then that’s none of my business.

The reason for this post is because I want to see if I’m the only person who feels this way? And also to remind people to be more.. mindful of what they put out on the internet? Because as I’ve said ten times before already, there are real people behind these character’s, such as the actors who play them.

This is something I’ve only begun thinking about recently, like two days ago haha, does any one else feel the same way?

[rosykims]

ok i have avoided talking abt my datv thoughts but now ive finished and slept on it here it is. this is huge btw and really just a way to process my thoughts for my own peace of mind. and get out what i need to say. so yeah word salad below

2 disclaimers before i start. firstly i think im going to be SUPER blunt and clear about my thoughts on this post but then i will mostly be putting the matter to bed in my heart bc i am not someone who delights in being a hater nor do i take comfort in it. i will take from this the things i enjoyed and keep my distance from the rest. second disclaimer: ultimately i think i will still enjoy being a part of the fandom and seeing other people enjoy the game, because it will endear it to me and maybe take away the pain im feeling right now, so this isnt a long rant to make you feel bad about enjoying the game if you do like it! in fact quite the opposite. it comforts me that there are people who find value in the game and i hope in watching you play it i may be able to eventually be able to say the same

that being said . obviously i didnt like the game

which is an extremely difficult thing for me to say. i went into this game thinking "i will at the VERY least enjoy the game. not love it but at least like it. but im sure ill love it". it really is quite distressing for me that it didnt even really reach that bar for the most part. i TRIED to like it. i begged this game to give me ANY handhold at all that i could cling to, to forgive and like this game. i think the things i liked err more on the technical side. the graphics i loved, the character DESIGN was *fantastic*. the art. the pacing. the vague vision of what they were obviously nebulously aiming for. and honestly, i mostly enjoyed the main plot although i wish it had been more disciplined and constrained with the lore it was trying to expand on. act 3 was fantastic and naturally i am happy and fulfilled for the most part by the conclusion of solas's story, who i still believe was and is the best written "villain" of dragon age. sorry logang and meredith nation but i do still stand by this.

but thats really about it. as a disclaimer i am not an origins puritan or a da2 diehard or anything like that. i have loved (almost equally) EVERY single iteration of dragon age which has been released. i am one of the few people who sees equal value in inquisition and origins. i love them both so deeply. i couldnt pick between them.

for me what i love the MOST about dragon age - and which every single previous game has always nailed despite other flaws - is the characters. right under that is the world's capacity for introspection. and unfortunately nothing in this game provided that for me

regarding the characters: i do not care about a single one of them unfortunately. or at least i do not CARE about them the way that i have CARED about the other previous games companions. companions i would write banter about !!! just for fun when i was bored!!!! i would say my only exception is harding, but even then i care about her only because i care about her due to inquisition. overall i just found them all so ..... shallow. and devoid of any of the conflict or nuance or ethical quandries that make biowares stories so compelling - and sure, usually controversial! i would give ANYTHING for this game to have been controversial. for a unforgivable RO, or a problematic fave, or a cancelled wife. did bioware forget that their most beloved or at least enjoyed characters are people like anders, merrill, mordin solus, blackwall, sten, loghain, SOLAS??? i dont understand HOW they could have forgotten that, because solas is literally right there in game and handled (in my opinion as a fan) well. love him or hate him or dont care about him, he is such a hallmark of great bioware writing (in dai if nothing else) - characters who are not EASY to like. characters who are not SAFE to write and who WILL generate criticism from all sides because they are written boldly and unapologetically, strengthened by a foundation of consistent ideals, clear objectives and beautiful faults. characters that do not NEED you to like them, but instead invite you to engage with them critically. solas, even to someone who hates him, is nuanced and morally complex enough to muse and fight over for 10 whole years. hes IN this game, just as ethically murky as ever, but the morally grey hallmark of biowares writing really does kind of live and die with him alone. the rest of the companions feel like they barely made it out of their concept phase. what are lucanis's flaws??? genuinely asking. other than being a murderer who exists in an organization which buys and trains literal child slaves of course, but i'll get to that in a sec (because bioware sure as fuck didnt). um, i guess you could say hes broody?? and emmrich too. what actual flaws does he have?? he has a fear of death, as we're TOLD, but it does not really reflect in the overall convesations we have with him over the course of the game. mostly hes just.... a little bumbling i guess. bellara's flaw is being a scatterbrain. harding's is that shes..... angry??? but shes not???? fucking come on. i really felt the lack of actually being able to TALK to these people at the end of act 2, when i realized i still felt like i havent really MET any of them. and yet here rook is talking about found family and being a team. ok

and then there are the romances. which from my perspective - having romanced taash - and my friends who have romanced lucanis, neve and davrin..... WHAT romances. davrin's full romance is 20 minutes in a 30 PLUS HOUR GAME. solas had the least amount of content out of any companion in inquisition and was a last minute unintentional RO and still had like easily 50 minutes of content. so why did these romances feel like nothing. actually nothing. i was so excited for taash, but their romance straight up felt like neither rook nor taash even wanted to be there. i forgot they were technically together at certain points. zero chemistry. zero intimacy. all TELLING zero SHOWING. if you had told me that i would be saying these sorts of things about a writer like trick weekes a month ago i would call you fucking crazy to your face. i cannot reconcile that taash was written by the same person who wrote solas. i cannot reconcile that mary kirby - who wrote the fucking chant of light - wrote lucanis. its so dire. its devastating actually.

lastly i want to talk about my other point - bioware's famed emphasis on introspection and ethically quandries. again, i'm genuinely experiencing a sense of profound whiplash because when it comes solas's character you can still see it. its still there. they actually doubled down on making him worse than he was in trespasser which i LOVED and thought was so incredibly promising. they could have caved to solavellan fans and uwu-ified him but they didnt. thats great.

but where was that energy for literally anything else. everything has been defanged - even minrathous, the capital of the tevinter slave trade, does not even ADDRESS the elephant in the room of slavery. and i know because i played a shadow dragon. so tell me why i as a shadow dragon am happily allied with the crows, who solely exist to assassinate politicians and BUY SLAVES. THEY BUY SLAVES. THEY BUY SLAVES AS CHILDREN AND TRAIN/TORTURE THEM TO MURDER. HELLO??????????? there is no commentary made about the mages/templars. there is no discussion of the treatment of the elves in the north or Anywhere. there is no discussion of why exactly blood magic is or isnt acceptable - they simply tell us its bad. all the theories of the last 10 years were answered with handwaved comments or bare bones codex entries that honestly stripped so much nuance away from so many things (the blight, my BELOVED) that i dont know how im going to go about fixing it or making it right in my head. the introspective nature of dragon age always went hand in hand with player choice, but there really WAS no choice in this game as so there IS no real capacity for other interpretations or schools of thought. it is so..........................bleak.

i think the thing that finally made it click in my head that this game had fundamentally let me down was the gloom howler quest. and i know im not alone on this. for those of you who dont know - the gloom howler, "isseya" was the protagonist of the dragon age novel "the last flight". i would HIGHLY recommend you read it, especially if you're an origins fan. super bleak, super political, not flashy at all in terms of magic. it was set 500 years pre origins, during the 3rd blight. isseya is very similar to characters like loghain and solas in a way - a richly complex, beautifully intricate, terribly thought provoking character who did HORRIFIC things for the most NOBLE reason you could imagine, under the most traumatic of circumstances. im tearing up just thinking about her story, and how the title "the LAST flight" foreshadowed that her story had a definitive, bittersweet, finite and peaceful ending.

and then this game did THAT to her. turned her into a grotesque caricature of what she was. stripping her of her nuance and her capacity for atonement or forgiveness. and once again, i do not fucking get it. she was obviously brought back because she is a parallel to the solas dilemma. so WHY is she not afforded the same opportunity for empathy that he is. why is bellara's brother not either. its insane. its literally insane. i cannot begin to imagine the oversight or laziness or WHATEVER IT WAS that occured to have this game turn out this way.

there are innumerable other problems with the game that im not going to get into because what ive said above is the main crux of my problem. introspective and character. those are all i really wanted from this game, and like..... i thought we would get that. because the game centered around solas. and i know people dislike his fans for very fair reasons, but i hope those who know me know that i enjoy him not because hes hot (he is though) but because he is terrible. i love him because they made a character who was TERRIBLE, and then gave you the task of using your head and refelcting on your own morality and values and deciding and arguing and meditating over whether he is worth loving anyway. to me, solas is the person i point to when i want to describe why i love dragon age. its complicated, its nuanced, it is terrible and wonderful and everything in between depending on the angle you look at it from. and so having the writer of a character like THAT in charge of the whole game filled me with hope and dissuaded so many of my fears for this game. but i was wrong apparently.

so now im left with a feeling akin to survivors guilt. genuinely. because at the VERY least, despite me saying all of these negative things, i at least finished the game crying happy tears and being overjoyed that my favourite character was handled well and got an ending i enjoyed. and yet that happiness *i* got to feel and that glimmer of good writing was paid for at the expense of literally everything else. i feel almost personally responsible in a way, which sucks. im sorry to all the people who did not enjoy or care about solas, im sorry that you really did get nothing out of this game. i hope we can all be comforted by the trilogy we have and will always have, and i hope we can all take what good parts we enjoyed out of veilguard and make peace with the rest

leaving this youtube comment my friend sent me which is unfortunately a summary of how i feel about the game as a whole.

[jarakio]

Girls with Guns Announcement

Hi readers!

So I started GwG in 2022, and since then I’ve improved a lot in my storytelling, photography, etc. and looking back on my earliest posts - I have some regrets.

After considering it on and off for ages - I’m biting the bullet and I’m going to re-do GwG (Evie’s side). I think it will be better for my story as a whole in the long run for a number of reasons.

So just some notes:

The storyline will not have any major shift, but some scenes will be changed or scrapped.

The biggest difference is that Evie will have her internal monologue included this time (not including this was my biggest regret about the current version). This way you can understand her motivations and thought processes WAY better than before, where I was restricted to dialogue only.

This version is canon sooo we can basically forget the other version exists lmao

If u don’t want to re-read the remastered version but want to keep updated on the plot for new posts - I’m working on a chapter index which will have some screenshots of the chapter and a brief intro to the chapter

But I would encourage people to read the new version bc it’s much better :3

I’m also planning a bonus scene from Zere’s POV for the first time he and Evie meet. The main story will stay in Evie’s POV, so you can compare both perspectives and get a look at how differently they view that moment - which is fun!

The number of photos per post will be longer so no more short updates

Atm I’m working on redoing these and also continuing to post Ruth’s story (which takes place in the past).

Anyways here’s a sneak peak!

[darkhymns-fic]

A Transgressor’s Threads in the Making

It’s winter and it’s cold, but no matter what, Vicious wouldn’t be caught dead in a bad winter outfit. Not even Aegis and his bargain-bin coats could change that.

But when darkness falls, a hero of light will rise—and that hero has the fashion know-how and passion to make some of the best and trendiest winter outfits ever made. Once again, Kanata must save the day!

Fandom: Tales of Crestoria Characters/Pairing: Vicious, Kanata Hjuger, Misella, Aegis Alver Rating: G Word Count: 6389 Mirror Link: AO3 Notes: A fic I wrote for a Crestoria Secret Santa. Kanata gets to live his fashion designer dreams!

--

Vicious was already pestering Misella barely an hour into the day.

“You’re not gonna start a fire for us now?” He groaned, frustrated. “Where’s the crazy arsonist we all know and love?!”

“Um, hey, maybe don’t say that out loud in public, alright?” warned Orwin, furtively glancing around them at those who turned a few heads. His words came out slightly muffled with the puffy hood wrapped around the back of his head, and a little over his mouth. “He’s just, just kidding, folks! Heh, just a good old jokester.”

Vicious scoffed, arms folded behind his head. The Great Transgressor looking a bit worse for wear than usual today as they passed through the marketplace. His hair was a frizzy mess, his vest only half buttoned so that it threatened to fall off his shoulders. Also, he was shivering, barely brushing aside the snowflakes that got caught on his eyelashes.

Decorative lights of numerous colors stretched across the storefronts, with snowmen of varying quality lining the streets, some with the usual pair of eyes while others sported a dozen. Crowds were more or less packed for what must have been a winter festival currently underway. So, not really a place for one to start any fire mishaps in what would have certainly been a dangerous situation.

Vicious didn’t care.

“It’s snowing like hell out here!” he complained again. Louder this time, probably an octave up or more. Just the right exact pitch to even make Orwin flinch as he walked by his side. “Look, just make a little fireball for us or something. You do it every other week!”

Misella walked ahead, ignoring the ravings of the older, half-naked man behind her. She shifted deeper into her jacket until it seemed only the tip of her head poked through, her pink hair all but swallowed up by her jacket’s own hood. She walked mittened hand in mittened hand with Kanata, the other also wearing something very similar. “Then you should have gotten a coat like the rest of us if you’re cold. Kanata was smart to do so.”

“Y-yeah…” Kanata meekly added. He scratched at his cheek, taking a bit of effort to turn around in his big coat to look at Vicious. “It’s very warm in here! At least…”

Vicious paused, then said blankly, “I would literally rather die than look like that.”

“Vicious, you know you are being quite ridiculous right now.”

Aegis, who was not far behind, tried to catch up to Vicious through the fresh snowbanks on the streets. He was also wearing the same type of puffy coat – along with a few extra layers packed underneath so that he waddled right up to the Great Transgressor. They were a strange combo of one who showed too much skin and one who showed virtually nothing except for half of his face. “There were some reasonably priced coats at that last store that you could have gotten with us. Catching pneumonia would be a risk to the entire group! Do you understand that?”

Vicious rolled his eyes. “If I were any drunker, I seriously would have thought you were one of those weird Penguinist guys we ran into the other day and shoot you right now.”

“Drunker? Have you already been drinking?!” Aegis flailed his coat arms, the way a certain bird-like, yet flightless creature might do. “It’s only morning!”

“Who are you, my dead mom? Lay off!”

Further to his left, Yuna giggled, one of the few in their group who didn’t wear so much bulkiness, her own coat tied around the waist with a red sash, buttoned all the way up to a high collar. She even had on a fur cap, its outside polka-dotted by the falling snowflakes. “If you wanted, I could have gotten a designer coat for you so that we could match!”

Vicious grimaced. “I don’t need any of that expensive crap. Is it that bad I just want something to be set on fire?”

“Yuna, where did you get this?” Aegis waddled up to her furiously. “Please tell me you didn’t spend any of our funds on that! We all agreed to get the coats that were on clearance!”

“Oh Aegrouch, do not worry your pretty little head.” She smiled, then poked at his nose with a leather-gloved finger. “I merely chatted with ‘ze store owner, and he was very kind to ‘and it over to me. I zin’t pay a dime!”

“…Are… are you saying you stole it? That’s much worse! Don’t add shoplifting to our transgressions!”

Yuna hummed thoughtfully. “Hm, or is ‘zat just a lie I made just for you?”

“I am going to have a heart attack.”

Vicious then sneezed, quite violently. Enough that his guns appeared in his hands at the very force of it. “Agh, hell! That freaking hurts!”

“Vicious, put those away right now!!”

--

This town was one of the few places without a Vision Central (convenient!), so few people paid much attention to a man with his stomach showing. In fact, Aegis wondered if they had ever heard of the Great Transgressor…

“Achoo!”

Though, of course, the man certainly liked to announce his presence whenever possible.

The inn they chose to stay the night at was already crowded. Garlands, peppered with red bows, decorated the ceiling rafters, and a lavishly ornamented pine tree was in the corner of the room, lights perched on its needles. The bar counters also held small figurines of a red-dressed man, but even with Aegis’ scholarly interest in the fabled sorcerer, Christma Sparking, he was doing all he could to not cringe at another of Vicious’ violent sneezes.

…And how a row of heads would occasionally turn to them at the sound. Trying to be indiscreet was more and more becoming an impossibility.

“At the very least, use a tissue!”

The fact that they had managed to even secure an inn table was lucky, including some extra seats for their friends. Vicious was happily doing that part of the job himself, stretching out both feet to lay them against the chairs, effectively ‘occupying’ them. But the chairs would rattle from another sneeze attack.

“Hey, my clothes are good enough!” Vicious sniffled again, wiping his nose with his black sleeve. Aegis grimaced.

“Ugh, now look at yourself, you’re already getting a cold. What did I tell you about actually dressing up for the weather?”

“Blah blah blah. The Great Transgressor doesn’t get a cold!”

“Oh, so you simply just sneeze and have a runny nose for fun?”

“Yeah?! Maybe I do! Don’t judge me!”

“Stop yelling!”

“No!”

Aegis rubbed his temples, which took him a few seconds to do due to his puffy sleeves. The layers of his jackets did their job of keeping him well-insulated, though his ease of movement, he admitted, left a lot to be desired. “I cannot believe we are still having this argument. You are literally behaving like a child right now. There was a perfectly acceptable jacket at the store. It was even in your size! And yet, you refused to get it out of some idiotic fashion sense?”

“Hey,” Vicious started, slamming the table with his fist—and sniffing loudly once again. His cheeks were red, as was the tip of his nose. Whether that was because of his cold, or the three beers he had just chugged down, Aegis wasn’t sure. “Do you know how hard it was to get myself to look this good? This,” he gestured at his torso, exposed to the bright lights within the inn’s dining room. “I ain’t hiding it under some goofy-looking bed comforter like the rest of you! If there’s a sin of looking bad, it’s that!”

“What? This is perfectly in season right now!” Aegis tried to gesture as well, and nearly fell right out of the chair, threatened by the weight of all his jackets. “It may not be the most on-vogue but we certainly don’t have the funds for such frivolous finery!”

Vicious’ other fist met the table, shuddering it from the force. “I ain’t gonna look like some weak-ass loser!”

“Uh, everything okay?”

At the voice, both Vicious and Aegis turned, finding Kanata in his oversized jacket. He…more or less was trying to carry a tray in his hands, but struggled to hold it in balance. Multiple drinks, bottles, and bowls of stew were dangerously close to teetering right off the edge, due to all the extra baggage his very person was already encumbered in. His entire head was still bound tightly in his hood, a pair of bright eyes blinking from its depths.

At the sight, Vicious laid his head back and groaned. Loudly. “See?! Look what the hell you did to this idiot. Now he looks lame.”

Aegis huffed. “I think you mean smart. He was very astute in realizing we must favor effectiveness over appearances.”

Kanata blinked, then lowered his head slightly. “Yeah…”

Vicious tsked, lifting his legs from the other chairs. “You know what? I’m heading to bed early. Need to sleep off all this embarrassment.”

“Certainly not because you’re drunk yet again,” Aegis intoned.

“I’m too depressed to even drink another drop!” The Great Transgressor announced… then quickly swiped away two bottles from Kanata’s tray. “Later, nerds!”

“That wine was for the whole group!” Aegis shouted, effectively getting even more eyes on them. Well, like it mattered anyway! Might as well announce to the whole world they were Transgressors while they were at it!

Kanata cleared his throat. “Vicious seems a bit grumpier than usual.”

“Hadn’t noticed,” Aegis sighed.

“Really? I would think it would be quite obvious to anyone that he’s much more-”

“I am being sarcastic. I am not that dense.”

“Oh!” With a nod, Kanata tried to reach for one of the glasses on the tray. “Well, this one’s your drink, I think. The lemonade one, was it?”

“Kanata, you’re going to drop it!”

It took more time than Aegis cared to admit for the two of them to finally, and safely, put their drinks on the table. There had been a lot of flailing, a lot of near spillages, and Kanata’s own puffy arm accidentally hitting Aegis in the face a couple of times.

Alright, maybe these coats were proving to be a tad problematic.

Kanata sat at the inn table, trying to squeeze into the seat with his outfit. How Aegis was able to sit down himself with his multiple layers before was anyone’s guess. “Hey, uh, why are we still wearing these anyway? It’s already plenty warm in here…”

“If you noticed our seats right now, we’re just by the door. When it opens, it will a bring a gust of wind on us, chilling us once again. It’s only good to be prepared.” Aegis nodded at his reasoning, all as he tried to grasp at his drink with a hand that was half-swallowed by his jacket(s) sleeves.

“Oh right. You always have an answer to these things…”

“Thank you. At least someone here appreciates the decision-making I do for this entire group…which I suppose has effectively abandoned us.”

“Well, Misella wanted to watch the chicken being roasted, so she insisted on being in the kitchen for it.” Kanata tried to turn his head but could barely manage more than an inch. “Orwin’s also chatting with some random old men at the bar…and I have no idea where Yuna went.”

“I probably don’t even want to know.” Aegis finally got his cup close to his mouth and attempted a sip. He got a few drops of lemonade! At least that was satisfactory. “We’ll need to leave first thing in the morning, so hopefully people will at least remember to rendezvous by then.”

“Already? But we barely spent any time in this town, and wouldn’t it still be really cold?”

“We must always keep moving, Kanata. And yes, it will be. That was why I got us these coats! The winters are especially egregious in this region. Of course, we’ll have to deal with that man who will mostly likely catch pneumonia on the way.”

“Wow, Aegis.” Kanata smiled, one that was half-hidden by the hood. “I had no idea you were so worried about him! Like a parent that is trying to care for their very reckless child. If you ever do have children, I’m sure they will be lucky to have such a protective father that won’t shy away from pointing out their mistakes.”

Aegis blinked. “…Where are you even…? Y-you know what, never mind. I don’t need to know how you picture my future skills as a parent, thank you.”

“But I just told you…”

As the crowd in the dining room continued to get lively, and Kanata struggled to even lift a spoon from his stew bowl before finally giving up, the boy spoke again.

“I think…I have a way,” he said to Aegis, moving his head free from the thick collar of his jacket. The hood was lowered, and a mess of golden, frizzy spikes framed his face. “To help Vicious not get sick, I mean!”

“If it’s to force feed him medicine,” Aegis said, munching on a breadstick—one of the few things he could reasonably eat while still wearing the coat. “Don’t bother. I tried and he bit me.”

“…Okay, I’m not gonna dig deeper into that then.” Kanata shook his head, making his hair frizzier in the process. “I mean, Vicious just doesn’t want to look like a fool, and I understand what he means! We need to have a makeover!”

This time, Aegis was truly lost. “Pardon?”

At that, Kanata finally unbuttoned his jacket, letting out a gasp of relief as he did so. His other clothes underneath was damp with sweat as he tried to catch his breath. “Because Vicious is right! We do look like… I’m sorry, Aegis. But we look like losers! And we’re not even wearing what’s in trend right now! I understand that we have to save money, but not at the expense of being left back in the times!”

“I don’t-”

“I mean, these coats were made nearly five years ago! Five!” Kanata held up the puffy coat that had more or less deflated now that it was Kanata-less. “That’s a death sentence in the fashion world. I know we’ve already been judged in town, and judged harshly I might add.” Kanata closed his eyes, reliving such stares that he would never fully forget, before he opened them once more. “Vicious knows that! But I think we can find a way to redeem ourselves and have people forgive our horrific sins.”

“Are we still talking about the coats?”

“I’m gonna need access to some tools!” Kanata barreled through, like a solider heading for the front lines of war. He had the same kind of fervor in his eyes that Aegis had to admire at least somewhat. “And if I get started tonight, I can have everything ready by the morning.”

“Tools?” The former knight tilted his head in confusion, or tried to. It was a bit difficult to move anything that was more than an eyeblink. “Do you mean you need new weaponry? Or like blacksmith tools? Or…” His eyes went distant. “The limited-edition tools for the latest Avalanche Silver Mechaknight edition?! I did see that on my way here, and they’re the latest models on the market. They also come with the most recent novel of the series, and only the first twenty copies have the author’s signature…”

“Um…” It was Kanata’s turn to be confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Sorry, what was the question?”

“…Never mind. I meant, tools for tailoring. You know, like for sewing and stitching? I’ll also need the right threads. Oh! A sewing machine would be perfect! I know a store that has exactly what we need. It would only cost a bit of our gald-”

“How much?” Aegis interrupted.

“…Well, okay, more than a bit, but fashion is no small price to pay.”

“Absolutely not. The jackets we got were a fraction of their original price. It’s better to shop for bargains then for superficial notions of trends!”

Typically, he expected Kanata to back down, to see sense as it were. But to his surprise, the boy only stared back at him with more fervor in those eyes. Those same eyes that had stated he would try to change this world of judgment and those sentenced unfairly to their crimes…

“No, Aegis. We must do this! I must do this! At least let us leave this town in dignity than in embarrassment.”

It took Aegis a while to process what was being said to him.

“You truly think these coats look that awful?”

“I do.” Kanata stood up, clenched his bandaged fist, and faced Aegis with fire and determination. “I believe that with all of my heart!”

It was now Aegis’ turn to bow his head, sinking further into his coat, so that he was more fabric and padding than man.

“I was only thinking what was best for everyone.” The defeated knight slowly reached out to the coat that Kanata had discarded. “I suppose I could always return this and recoup the losses-”

The coat then began to tremble.

Aegis may have given a small shriek, and he may have fallen off the chair and onto his back, wobbling as he did so like an overturned turtle. Kanata’s coat continued to shiver and shudder before a tiny furry head poked out. Brown fur shook itself before a little squeak erupted cheerfully. That same head then burrowed back into the coat.

“Ah, sorry. I was keeping Meakyu in there.” Kanata chuckled softly, looking towards the tiny animal. “He seems to really like it! But, I think he might have bit into the padding so I’m not sure if we could return it… Uh, Aegis?”

Kanata looked to the floor, seeing Aegis flail his thick arms and thick legs (he wore extra layers of pants as well) while inn customers quietly circled around him to get to their tables.

“Kanata, help! I have fallen and I can’t get up!!”

--

Just a few hours that passed into the night, but after much scrounging and searching, Kanata finally, finally had what he needed.

Now came the ultimate test.

“Kanata, where have you been? You missed dinner.”

Misella walked into Kanata’s rented inn room, the fireplace in it already stoked to a well-done heat as she munched on her well-done chicken leg. She no longer wore her puffy jacket, pink hair once again free from its confines. As she chewed, she looked on in wonder at the ‘tools’ that Kanata had so needed, spread out over a large table—a smorgasbord of thread spools that spanned a whole spectrum of colors, of scissors with varying sizes, of knitting needles, a few pincushions, and even what looked to be some sort of measuring tape…

Oh, and a strange mannequin that Kanata was using to measure a very green piece of fabric right now.

Misella narrowed her eyes. At the very least, it didn’t appear to be a feminine-shaped mannequin…maybe.

“Ah, Misella! Perfect timing! Aegis went to get Vicious. We’re going to be making him a whole new outfit for the weather.”

She chewed thoughtfully, careful to not get any food juices on her precious Kanata’s tools. But hearing Vicious’ name gave her pause. She bit off more meat from the dripping bone. “That man does not deserve your talents, Kanata. And I doubt any new clothes would cover up the fact that he is a vile monster that deserves to be buried underneath the rubble. Surely, you could have chosen someone else.”

“Oh, who?”

Misella smiled gently, tossing the chicken into the fireplace. The flames sparked and hissed, as if eagerly devouring the bone. “Someone who will wear your wonderful outfits with grace and poise. Someone who understands you and your passion.”

Kanata scrunched his forehead as continued to measure the fabric, picking up one of the scissors as he pulled at a corner. “Um…do you mean Aegis?”

But before the room could be set on fire then and there, the door flew open, with Aegis rushing through. He was faster now, having finally shed off the coats for his usual blue coat vest.

“I already told you, Vicious! I don’t have any money! Kanata spent it all!”

“Bullshit!” Vicious sauntered in, guns held in his hands, their reddish tint coating the floorboards. “I’m still only buzzed! I need more booze to actually get drunk!”

Misella stood next to Vicious, her hand held out, palm facing upwards. A spark ignited, slowly coalescing into the familiar flames she controlled. “Vicious, let me help you. This man has betrayed me.”

“Now that’s what I’m talking about!”

“Misella, why are you mad at me!?”

Somehow unmindful to the threat of oncoming violence, Kanata rushed out to the middle of the room, waving his arms. His smile was as bright—no, brighter than the sun itself. “Vicious! We got a surprise for you!”

There must surely be some magic that was held in the smile of a fourteen-year old boy (specifically, a fourteen-year old boy who still held the sin of patricide in his heart) as Vicious visibly calmed down then. He lowered his guns, and Misella’s fire was suddenly extinguished, her face a picture of contentment once again.

“I ain’t exactly a fan of surprises, kid,” Vicious said, his guns now vanished from his hands. “Unless it’s booze. You got me more booze?”

Kanata shook his head happily, then gestured to small sewing studio he had set up in his room. “We’re going to give you a makeover!”

Aegis blinked, staring at all the tools, the fabrics, and the assortment of accessories on the table. “You…you spent all of my money, didn’t you.”

Kanata didn’t answer him, his attention fully on the Great Transgressor, who was at least a little drunk. “Well, what do you think?”

Vicious took a breath—and then he turned around, heading for the door. “See ya. Don’t touch me.”

But not such a request from the most wanted man alive could ever dampen Kanata’s own excitement.

“Come on, it’ll be fun!” He grabbed Vicious’ arm, pulling him to his little makeshift studio. “I already have an idea for you!”

“What did I say about touching?!”

It took some convincing, which included letting Vicious curse for as much as he wanted, and promising, and really promising you better not be lying!! that they would get him some more alcohol right after this. The good kind, too!

“But I don’t have any more money,” Aegis weakly protested to an attentive audience of zero.

“Now, I’ve been thinking of making you a new jacket. One that will let you breathe a little easier, but just warm enough so that you don’t get cold!” Kanata led Vicious near the mannequin that wore a few clothing accessories, including what looked to be a bright red cap, a white pom affixed to the top. “I was thinking green because…well, it fits the season right now!”

Vicious narrowed his eyes. Then tried narrowing them again, swaying a bit on his feet. Okay, maybe he was a bit more drunk than he thought he was earlier. "What's with all the bright crap?"

"Oh, do you mean this? That's the wool!" Kanata nodded vigorously as he unhooked one long piece of scarf from a clothes hanger, this one tinged a violet shade. "This is a shawl. It's a very vital accessory to one's outfit. With the right color and even how someone might wear it, it can really bring out one’s sense of style!"

Vicious scoffed. "I thought shawls were like, I dunno, some kind of girl thing."

"Not at all! It's actually very chic for men to wear shawls during the winter too! See?" Kanata draped the fabric over his shoulders, then pulled on one end to be further up his arm, before wrapping the other loose end just around his neck. The result was much like a bundled-up scarf, but one that brought out his smile even more.

“Oh, and the finishing touch!” He plucked one of the red caps, fitting it over his head. Somehow, red and purple mixed well when he wore it. “And there you have it!”

"Huh. Not bad, I guess.” Vicious nodded. “I was just saying what Yuna told me…"

"Well, no offense to Yuna, but unless she's a reporter for fashion shows, I would have to question her knowledge!"

“Also, she was probably lying,” Misella interjected. But for the most part, she remained quiet, happy to watch Kanata in his element, with only her gaze turning slightly bitter when they ran over Vicious.

The man scratched the back of his head. “You know, I guess it won’t be too bad. I have been wearing the same thing this whole time… Also it’s always too damn cold now!”

“So you really do want the makeover?” Kanata whooped, already going to the table with the needles, the scissors, and all other manners of sharp, pointy objects. “Okay, let’s get started! Aegis, please help me!”

“What? Why me?”

“You have very delicate fingers, so you’d be perfect for the job! Now let’s go ahead and measure Vicious.”

The Great Transgressor smirked at Aegis, before it turned into biting laughter. “Better make me look good, knighty boy!”

“Ugh, I can’t believe this…”

“It won’t be too difficult,” Kanata reassured as he pulled out a small roll of measuring tape. But his once gentle smile now became just a tiny bit more manic, maybe even a bit too gleeful. “I already have so many ideas that I think will fit Vicious perfectly! Can you get the needles, Aegis? Use this fabric, too.”

The look was enough to make Vicious halt in his laughter. “Uh, okay you seem way into this, so it’s creeping me out—Ow!” He snarled at the knight who had just stuck a pin in the Great Transgressor’s arm. “Watch where you’re sticking that!”

“S-Stop fidgeting then!” Aegis countered, then said softly. “Could we not just use the mannequin… We paid for it…”

“You need to hold the fabric in place better than that! Here, let me do this one.” Kanata took the pins from Aegis’ hands, while still holding the measuring tape. “Unless you want to make Vicious look like a porcupine!”

“Yeah! You want to make me look like a porcupine, huh? That what you into?”

“I’m not—what do you even mean by that?!”

And the next few resulting hours passed that way, curses flitting through the room—but joyfully. Fabrics left both table and mannequin. Needles and scissors were used to their utmost extent. And Aegis had pricked his fingers quite a few times that he had to wear some bandages.

But Kanata’s fervor for the work was infectious.

Only Misella had ever seen Kanata hard at work when it came to fashion design. Color coordination, stitching, sewing, and even looking over the right accessories to add to an outfit… Back in Dalchia, Kanata had always shown such passion for it. He’d promise to make her a new blouse, or a dress even, once his skills had finally improved.

But with everything that happened in-between, she had imagined such promises had passed from his mind. Yet instead, it had been sleeping dormant inside of him, waking up once he had to endure Aegis’ own terrible fashion choices. (Yes, she hadn’t liked the coats either.)

And so, just before the sun rose, they were finished.

“Well?” Kanata stood back from Vicious then, hands on his hips. He still wore the red cap on his head, though he had affixed a little star charm to hang off from the pom sometime in the middle of his mad designing phase. “What do you guys think?”

Now here was where she was in conflict. Anything that Kanata made was beautiful and perfect. And Vicious himself was awful, evil, and just a curse on all of humanity. She did not want to compliment Vicious, but to not do so would be to deny Kanata’s hard work and talent.

“Hey, so do I look good or what?!”

Among the mish-mash of sewing tools and kits, (alongside the now fallen-over mannequin, which also had some bullet holes on its front. No one remembers why) Vicious stood. The green that Kanata had been busy cutting and fitting had indeed become the man’s new jacket. Though, it was much looser than his usual one, the sleeves oversized, as well as how it draped off his shoulders overall. Yet the white fur trim at the collar was warm and soft (“And it’s faux-fur, too!” Kanata assured). Vicious also looked strangely proper now that he was wearing a shirt that covered his chest. It’s black dye, along with the white tie he wore, was very appealing.

Aegis placed a hand against his chin. “Huh. You look…very trendy, I must say. Even with you not wearing the jacket correctly, it seems to suit you…”

Vicious flicked back his hair, his new boots, fashioned from brown leather and laced along the front, stomping on the floor. “Well, it’s still weird feeling all covered up,” he admitted. He poked at the red suspenders hanging from his new pants. “But…you’re right. These digs ain’t half bad. Kanata’s got some taste! No lame puffy coats!”

A sigh came from the knight. “Can we stop talking about the coats already? Meakyu has already made a fort from all of ours and they’re so riddled with bite marks that I can’t ever return them, let alone even use them.”

“Yeah, whatever. But look at these ornament thingies!” Vicious held up the small, familiar-looking figures that were tied around his waist with a chain-link. “Heh, a mini-me! And even that little rat thing!”

Kanata scratched the back of his head. “Hehe. I’m glad you like it, Vicious. I wanted to try my hand at crafting a little bit too. And you have the pouch there to put them away if you wanted to.”

“Nah, they staying out. Next time, carve me some tiny guns. Or better yet! A booze bottle! Actually, make it a real one that I can drink out of.” Vicious grinned.

“The figurines are fine as they are,” Misella said firmly. But, she could not deny Kanata’s work, nor did she want to. Also, it was very good that Vicious appreciated it as well. “Kanata’s talent is truly the only thing that can make you look decent.’’ Then she narrowed her eyes. “But you should have worn the hat.”

“Hey, look, hats aren’t my thing. I can’t cover up these locks!” Vicious gestured to his hair. “Why don’t you wear it instead?”

“Oh, well, I already made her one,” Kanata said, a flush rising on his cheeks. “I, uh, kinda made new outfits for all of us! Misella, would you like to try-”

She rushed over to Kanata, grabbing at his shirt. “YES.”

Aegis looked at them expectantly. “So…me too?”

“Yeah, of course, Aegis! I had outfits for Yuna and Orwin, but they still haven’t come back…I’m beginning to wonder if we’ll ever see them again…”

--

Vicious was not really a fashion kind of guy.

Like, sure, he looked the part. He knew how freaking amazing his threads were, which had taken a little ingenuity from himself to get the exact look that he wanted. Threatening, dangerous, unhinged, and plenty sexy. If the Great Transgressor wasn’t all this, then what would be the point?

But what Kanata made for him… Well, he liked it. It wasn’t something he would think of himself. After all, this new outfit covered him up! And the little figures hanging from his pants were a bit too cutesy…

Still, he actually felt warm. And not like, the dying in the summer heat warm. Or the I-drank-way-too-much-beer-and-now-I’m-getting-flash-sweats kind of warm either. Like, the good warm. The nice warm that Yuna sometimes talked about when he pretended to listen.

Vicious wasn’t the only one that left the room decked out in a whole new outfit. Misella and Aegis followed close behind, the former wearing a red suspendered-skirt along with her green, fur-trimmed jacket, while the latter matched her in color, his kinda-tight pants a far cry from the multiple-layered monstrosity he had been trying to make happen.

…There were a lot of similarities in all of their outfits, Vicious noticed. Like as if they were a part of the same musical group. Eh. Still better than the coats.

“I will treasure this forever,” Misella whispered as she clutched a tiny Kanata ornament in her hands. “It’s beautiful.”

“How did Kanata have time to make all of this in one night?” Aegis questioned aloud. His own red cap was just a bit oversized, hanging tilted on the left side of his head. “It doesn’t seem humanly possible.”

“Some people have purer, more passionate souls than others,” Misella quickly reasoned. “It’s only natural.”

“That doesn’t really explain anything at all…”

Vicious was sneaking in a drink from a small wine bottle he had kept tucked away in his new jacket, until he saw Kanata approach. With the way the boy looked sheepishly to the side, Vicious had a feeling he knew what he wanted.

He nodded knowingly, and handed him the bottle. “Here, you earned it. Just one sip though, and no backwashing!”

Kanata stared, his mouth hanging half-open. What, did the kid want him to dump the bottle in there? “W-wait, that’s not it! I’m underage!”

“Right. Too young to drink, but not to kill people. I forgot that’s how it is.”

“No, that’s not…” Kanata waved away whatever weird conversation they were having to move onto something else. “I just wanted to check if…you really do like the new outfit? That you’re not just saying you do to make me feel better. I know I got carried away in there when I was making it…”

“Listen, if I actually hated this new outfit, you’d know. Extremely. And I’d chase you down the street guns blazing for making me look bad.”

Kanata gave a small blink before chuckling good-naturedly. “Haha, thanks, Vicious. I think I needed that joke.”

“I wasn’t kidding—”

“WHAT IS THIS?!”

A shout from Aegis usually wouldn’t startle most people. The guy would shriek at their cutlery not placed the right away, even when they were eating straight from the ground. But just near the inn’s open front doors, Aegis stood outside, his head raised toward the sky and his eyes frantically searching.

“Aegis, what is it?” Kanata asked as he rushed over. Vicious walked slightly faster, and Misella still remained inside so she could pet the Kanata ornament a little bit more. “Are…are there enforcers coming after us?”

Vicious groaned, already summoning a gun. “Typical of them to show up just when I finally got something good to wear!”

Aegis rounded on them both, fists clenched. “Do you two really not see it?!”

Kanata was careful, taking a good moment of consideration before he spoke. “If this is about your pants being too tight, I can still make some adjustments-”

“For the last time, this is not about the pants! Just look!” Aegis flailed, once again looking like he was trying to take flight.

Vicious and Kanata looked around at the calm city streets. The lamplights were still on, but the sun was just making its way over the horizon, draping over the wet cobblestones with a red-tinged light. It was both beautiful, yet so terribly lonely in its own way. The sight of such light, in an empty street that had been just filled with so many people only a few hours ago, was enough to even make Vicious feel a bit somber. Maybe, truly, the fragility of life could be just like this weak sunlight and barren roads—

“It’s the snow! There’s no snow! It’s all gone!”

Vicious shook out of whatever weird daze he had just been in. Man, maybe he was still half-drunk somehow. “Hey, I knew that! Don’t go saying I didn’t!”

“Did you? Because with all the snow already melted, winter is over! It doesn’t even feel cold anymore. We got these new outfits for nothing!” Aegis placed his head in his hands, looking bereft and forlorn. “And we barely have any gald left!”

Misella finally followed them outside. She was now holding the figure of a mini version of herself now, cradling it with her Kanata figure. “You’re so dramatic. Just eat the snow and you’ll be fine.”

“What does that have to do with anything? I just said there’s no snow!”

“Then eat the grass? You are so whiny.”

Huh, Vicious thought, looking at his surroundings. No more wacky-looking snowmen, and no more drizzly snowflakes to mess up his hair. No snow.

Freaking finally.

With a laugh, Vicious wrapped an arm around Kanata, who squeaked slightly at the contact. “Oh! Uh, are you okay? Are you too drunk to walk again?”

“Hah! Not yet!” Vicious clapped a hand on top of Kanata’s head—which still wore that funny hat of his. But even with that in the way, he was still able to ruffle the boy’s hair, light golden locks turning every which way. “Let’s head out and show these off. Maybe get some suckers to buy us free drinks.”

“Well, I still can’t drink… but if you mean for us to model these outfits to people, then I’m in!” Kanata grinned wide, while at the same time gently nudged Vicious’ hand from his head. “That kinda hurts though.”

“Where is Yuna and Orwin already? Did they leave us?!” Aegis was still shouting hysterically, then paused in horror. “I’m going to have to pay for Yuna’s stolen outfit too. I just know it. I am in hell.”

“Eh, loosen up. You look good for once!” Vicious slapped Aegis on his back, probably making him fall, but he was too high up in the clouds himself to notice. “Let’s just go and show off already!”

He didn’t even mind that he wasn’t blackout drunk by now. How funny that just a shiny new jacket and some clean pants could make him feel this way.

[evgar]

guess who's back in her wenclair era