#i keep discovering new things about myself through anakin asks

[ddejavvu]

spilling hot wax on anakin.

this post is 18+, minors dni.

yeah.

there's not much the guy isn't into - pretty much as long as it's coming from you, he'll like it. you actually probably didn't mean to do it at first, or he didn't directly ask for it, but you were blowing out a candle and accidentally blew some of the wax onto his arm right beside the jar, and you're apologizing profusely while his eyes are dilating and his dick is stiffening in his pants. he's like don't apologize. melt that whole thing down right now and pour it on me.

he prefers when you use white candles, because when the wax melts down and you drip it over him, it looks like cum <3 and there's just something about the thought of you splattering him with cum like he so often does to you, whether it be his face/chest/thighs- it almost too much for the guy to handle. he's so filthy, honestly he'd probably cum all over his own stomach and it would pool with the wax and he'd get the sickest satisfaction from it - like instantly he's rock hard again seeing his cum mix with the wax and drip all over his skin.

it makes him feel dirty, tainted, filthy to have wax dripped all over him, like it's staining his skin and clinging to him obscenely. especially if he is envisioning it as your cum; then it's like he's just some fucktoy laid out and tied up for you to dump your cum onto. it makes his dick hard to be dirty for you, it makes his dick hard when you dirty him.

he loves seeing the red marks left over from the burn. of course it's never a severe burn, but there's always patches of his skin that are blotchy and red and they sting when you touch them. they're like territorial markings to him; you're his and he's yours. you did that to him, you burned yourself into his skin, you branded him with hot wax and he'll belong to you forever. he'll chant that into your ear as he cums, that he'll belong to you forever and that he's all yours. whether you ride him or he's fucking you on all fours or you're in missionary, it doesn't matter, he's going to spew all of his devotions against your ear - he's probably gonna lick/bite your ear all hot and heavy while he's doing it too just for good measure

he likes watching the wax drip down his skin and harden in stiff droplets, loves watching how concentrated you get when you pour it over him, loves being your dirty little canvas. and it definitely doesn't hurt that he's into pain, too, loves it when his thighs are on fire 'cause you're dripping wax on them and his dick is on fire because you're dripping wax on them.

he likes being tied up when you're doing it so that he can't move. we all know he could, he's so powerful that he could rip through the bindings without even bothering with the Force, but he'll writhe and squirm and pant while you pour hot wax all over him like he's helpless and can't go anywhere

having hot wax dripped on him makes him needy. it's arousing, but it's usually not arousing enough to make him cum untouched. he needs you to fuck him after, or suck him off, or at the very least jack him off, because he's on fire and his dick is so hard it's hurting his head and he wants to cum all over your hand or face or pump you full of it. of course he wants sex, he wants to fuck you or for you to fuck him, but there's something insanely hot about you denying him that, and jacking/sucking him off instead. like you can't even be bothered to really have sex with him, all you can grant him is a sloppy bj. it's more of that desperate feeling i mentioned in this post: he likes being treated like he's pathetic and desperate and needy for you because he is pathetic and needy and desperate for you. he gets off on needing you. he likes feeling like it's an inconvenience for you to even glance his way, like he's below you, and he'll thank you profusely if you're gracious enough to let him fuck your fist after you're done pouring hot wax all over him.

cw for impact play; don't read further if it's going to bother you

he also really likes it when you slap him with it; i'll explain. you'd dipped your finger in it once to draw on his chest and leave some of those red marks against his pretty golden skin that get him so worked up. and it was hard because the wax dried pretty quick, so you had to get your finger to his chest in practically under a second if you wanted to actually draw it over him and not just have a hardened, wax-covered finger. This led to you jamming your finger into his chest pretty hard, and anakin is no stranger to impact play.

instantly he knew he wanted you to slap him with it. it's even harder to keep wax hot/wet over your entire hand, but it just means you have to really put some power behind your palm as you slam it down onto his chest. even if it's already half-hardened it's still gooey when it smears against his skin, and the heat doesn't matter as much anymore when you're hitting him with it; it's the pain and the residue that matters.

He wants you to smack him in the face, too, and leave a warm white handprint there that dries and cracks against his skin. it's about seeing your milky white handprints all over him, especially if you drip it onto his thighs and smear it around with your hands.

he likes it especially because you're both being burnt. Your palm is equally as pained as his cheek, and something about being burnt together and burning each other is so hot to him for some reason. molten hot sex appeal.

he begs you to hit the stinging, red marks left by the wax. he wants you to slap him around, slam the palm of your hand against the blotchy red patch against his pec as he writhes and cries out at the pain. he wants you to scrape your nails along the burn on his cheek and leave scorching scratch marks there before you dip your tongue into his mouth and drink up his pained whimpers

[musewrangler]

For the writing ask:

#1. Which of your fics would you keept he basic plot of but rewrite completely? (If any)

#21. Can you accurately predict how long your fics are going to be? If you can, what's your secret?

And because I'm feeling mischievous tonight: #40 Write a 9-word fic

You, my friend, are lovely. Thank you so much for this.

I have to confess, after much thought, that I don't know if could do that. I suspect that if I was actually publishing and had an editor and a contract, etc, then yes, I would go in with a scalpel and do surgery. But because they represent a place I was as an author, I don't have a wish to change any of them. I like to go back and I do see ways I could improve of course. But I also love seeing where I've come and how I developed. So at this point I couldn't do it [call me soft and nostalgic] because I love my fics. ;D

21. Haha. Oh this question is good because my friends know I'm famous for saying 'oh this idea will be a short one!' and they all look at each other [through tumblr] and raise their eyes heavenward. ;D

Now, when there's a writing challenge, or I'm setting myself a writing challenge, I can limit my length. My fully fleshed out stories which I intend to have a very developed arc are averaging around 100k at the moment. xD

The one shots are usually about 2-3K.

And currently with this multifaceted series, I'm trying to keep things closer to the 10k mark. How successful I am is totally the fault of the muses because they'll discover some new aspect and I have to then develop it. ;D

40. This is good for me! Keeping me brief is a great challenge! xD Here you are---

Burning death. His son's touch. Anakin Skywalker lives again

[countrymusiclover]

10 - Sister's Plan

Part 11

Yoda's New Padawan

@tyrionsprincess30 @mrskenobi19

Suddenly we both just blurted out the weight on our chests, catching each other completely off guard. "I'm pregnant."

Obi-wan's POV

Hanging my mouth open in shock I slapped my hand to my forehead knowing that Anakin must be behind this. Even when he was a child I could see the way he looked at her. When we returned to the Temple he was so nervous about seeing her after years of being apart. Y/n and her sister just stand still for a few moments then ran to each other embracing the other in a hug with a huge grin. I smiled a small one myself at seeing her happy. Her smile is something precious that I get to see rarely. But I still hope that no one on the Council suspects anything from us. We would get thrown off the Council and have to turn in our lightsabers if they discovered us.

Y/n's POV

Wrapping my arms around my sister I was afraid about being pregnant. But it helps that she has to deal with the same thing as me. Finally we pulled apart and she runs a hand through her hair mumbling out with a nervous smile. "So he's the father and Anakin is the father of mine." I nodded understanding her words glancing to Obi, tugging him towards her by his wrist. He looked at his feet nervous but spoke to my sister with true words. "I never wished to hurt her, Padme. And I'm sorry I've been sneaking around with her." She shakes her head taking his hands in hers stills smiling up at the Jedi master. "I'm not mad, Master Kenobi. In fact I figured you two would get together for awhile. Anakin once said you're encouraged to love." I weakly smiled up at Obi who intertwined my hand with his own.

"We need to consider the risks of keeping the truth a secret. We'll need to find a way to hide the fact that we're pregnant." I explained to my sister unsure of what to do. Master Yoda is already suspicious of us. It won't be long before the rest of the Jedi Council follows. "Maybe we could go back to our home planet and raise our children there." Padme suggested taking a seat back on the long couch. I plopped down by her eyeing Obi who runs his fingers over his beard again. "It would do more harm than good. It would likely draw more attention to the both of you." Turning to face my sister I play with my fingers. "I need to talk with Master Yoda." Padme and Obi both whipped their heads my direction, mouths dropping opened in shock. Obi-wan stepped up softly speaking shifting from foot to foot. "Dear, are you sure that's the best option..."

Getting to my feet I run my fingers through my hair staring into his blue eyes. He crossed his arms over his chest locking gazes with me. I know he trusted Master Yoda, admiring his skills with the Force for many years. "I trust him Obi. I don't want to have to hide. It's not like we'll have a choice when I'm almost as big as a balloon." He sighed dropping his head seeing Padme eyeing him. She tucks hair behind her ear trying to stand tall. "I think it's a good idea. Yes the Jedi has rules but...surely every Master forms a connection with their padawan." He throws his head back hating to admit she had a good point. Taking his hands in my own I give him puppy dog eyes hoping he'll let me do it. "Please, Obi. If they make us turn in our weapons then that's what we will do. Then we will raise our child whenever we want."

Leaning up on my toes I kissed his cheek walking out the door. Heading towards the council room I remember the first time I met him inside that room. The day he asked me to become his padawan. "Age a concern it is not. Potential I see in you. Wise to take you on as my apprentice it is." Getting to my feet I bowed to him handing him back his lightsaber I voiced. "I accept, Master Yoda." Opening the door I see him standing by the window staring at a sunset. He turned to me and I bend down on a knee greeting him. "Master, I need to tell you something." He lifts his head standing in front of me declaring. "Explanation needed not. Know of you and Kenobi I already do." My nervous smile fell in shock as I feel my heart staring to race. Of course he knows. That's why he's called a Jedi Master.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[tennessoui]

You know one of my favorite Star Wars fic tropes? Evil, feral Anakin being horribly mistreated his whole life and hurt, and then being comforted and nursed back to health by Obi-Wan. And instantly imprinting on him, like, in a "I will kill anyone for you" way. Could be any Obi-Wan! Nice Obi-Wan for that sweet sweet hurt/comfort and kisses and turning Anakin from his murderous ways with the power of kindness! Evil Obi-Wan for sweet double trouble action and delicious obsession with each other!!

this is also one of my favorite star wars tropes!!! i love a needlessly protective and feral Anakin who distrusts everyone except for Obi-Wan.

unfortunately. um. this went a little sideways. and there is no being nursed back to health. but there's some delicious obsession and protectiveness and also future mutual obsession so i'm counting the prompt fill as like 3.5 out of 5 stars for following the prompt, which is. let's be honest, higher than most of my prompt fills. this is a bit dark and contains references to mind tricks, but there is no sex or kissing that could be construed as dub con. just like. dub con emotions i guess

(2.2k)

Quinlan has that look in his eyes, as if he’s about to say something that he knows Obi-Wan won’t like.

Carefully, Obi-Wan puts down his cup of tea and laces together his fingers in his lap. He can already feel a seed of anger blooming inside of him. Since Anakin has re-entered his life and the Temple, he’s found that this deep, swirling rage is harder to give to the Force. And easier to feel at a moment’s notice.

Like almost all the differences in his life now, this can be put on Anakin through no fault of the boy’s own.

After all, Obi-Wan thinks to himself, it is much easier to feel this sort of fury at the galaxy’s injustices when living with someone who has suffered most all of the most grievous kinds.

“Just say it, Quinlan.” Obi-Wan says.

Vos clears his throat. “Where is...your charge?”

“My charge,” he repeats, unimpressed. “You know his name.”

“I know both of his names,” Quinlan fires back. “Does he prefer Anakin or Vader?”

The anger inside of him grows larger at the mention of Vader. As if Anakin would ever prefer the name Sidious gave to him. As if he had chosen it for himself.

As if the Jedi had played no part in the birth of Vader.

“Anakin is asleep,” is all Obi-Wan says.

Quinlan makes a show of peering down the hallway of Obi-Wan’s quarters to the two closed bedroom doors. “In whose bed?”

His hands tighten into fists beneath the table. “That is a bold accusation to make.”

“Why?” his old friend’s posture is forcibly casual, slumped in his seat and hand loosely wrapped around his cup. Obi-Wan wonders if this is how he looks when he’s undercover on missions. The thought settles heavily into his stomach and makes him sit up straighter. If this is a mission to Quinlan Vos, then what is his objective? What does he want with Obi-Wan?

With Anakin?

“The boy’s legally allowed to spread his legs for anyone he wants, Obi-Wan. He's nineteen and everything.”

Obi-Wan can feel his teeth grind together. The fury in his chest is building at an alarmingly fast rate. The thought of anyone touching Anakin like that when the boy’s so obviously traumatized and in need of a tender hand--if he were a lesser Jedi, he’d snarl at Vos to leave.

“Any consent Anakin offers anyone would be dubious at best,” he snaps. “He is nineteen, but he has spent the past ten years of his life being tortured and enslaved by Darth Sidious.”

Quinlan narrows his eyes and looks over Obi-Wan’s face. “That’s not your fault,” he finally says quietly, leaning forward as if to grip his arm before he thinks better of it. “Obi-Wan, listen to me. What happened to Anakin is tragic. Awful. Despicable. But it is not your fault.”

Obi-Wan looks away, his jaw clenched tightly before he forces himself to relax. “I only blame myself for not verifying what I was told.”

“Do you blame the Jedi Council then? For sending the boy away?”

“My master begged me to train the boy, Vos. And while I was in the Halls of Healing, they sent him back to Tatooine. And no one ever checked to make sure he got there. Sidious grabbed him because we--because they allowed him to. And then spent ten years torturing and breaking down a child right under our very noses! Who would you blame, Vos?”

“Sidious,” the other man answers easily. “The Council had no way of knowing that Sidious even knew about the boy, that he was in any danger at all--”

“He was nine!” Obi-Wan roars, slamming a fist on the table, unable to swallow the dark, heavy fury anymore. “He was a child. A slave! They were going to send him back there!”

“To his mother!”

“To his chains,” Obi-Wan corrects fiercely.

Vos purses his lips and crosses his arms. “He is not a child anymore, Obi-Wan. He’s a killer. He’s dangerous. It’s worrying to me that you can’t see it. Or don’t want to see it.”

Obi-Wan wants to scoff. Anakin Skywalker is not dangerous. The boy gets night terrors, begs to be let into Obi-Wan’s bed, and can only sleep if he’s being cuddled up against his chest. He holds his blasted hand in public because he’s terrified of being separated from Obi-Wan again. He’s refused to even touch his lightsaber since the first night Obi-Wan stumbled upon him, bleeding in one of the lower levels of Coruscant. There are some days he won’t even let Obi-Wan touch him to hold him, and he shakes apart in the shadowy corner of his closet, reliving traumas Obi-Wan can’t help him with.

Dangerous. Dangerous.

“No, Obi-Wan, come on. You have to see. The boy’s turning you against the Jedi, against the Council!” “He doesn't need to," Obi-Wan says coldly. "The Jedi seem to be doing a fine job of that themselve."

“That's what I'm talking about!” Vos exclaims, waving an incensed hand. “The Obi-Wan Kenobi I knew would never say that! He would never think a bad thing about the Order, let alone say it! Let alone threaten to leave in the middle of a war if the Council didn’t grant him permission to keep the boy in his rooms! People talk, Obi-Wan! They’re not being kind!”

A thought bubbles up in Obi-Wan’s mind, vicious and sharp. Obi-Wan should not expect kindness from the Jedi. Not about Anakin. Everything they’ve ever done to and said about the boy proves that. Obi-Wan would have to abandon Anakin again to ensure the Council’s kindness and trust in him.

Obi-Wan would rather die than abandon the boy now when he needs him so obviously. He’d rather Fall than turn his back on Anakin, even if that’s what it took to stay in the Order.

“I think you should leave, Vos,” Obi-Wan murmurs quietly. “I think there is little left to say.”

His old friend stares at him from across the table in shock before he stands up without another word. At the door to his quarters, he freezes but doesn’t turn around. “You are attached, Obi-Wan. The Jedi Council will not stand for it. They will not allow it to continue.”

There’s something off with his voice, but Obi-Wan is too concerned with what he’s said to focus on anything else. “What do you mean?” he asks sharply, springing to his feet.

But Vos just shakes his head and leaves.

Obi-Wan collapses back into his seat as the door slides shut behind the man, his head buzzing with thoughts. That had sounded like a warning. Would the Council be so bold, so cruel, as to separate Obi-Wan and Anakin forcefully?

Yes, the thought flashes across his mind, followed by a swell of fury.

And then there’s a sleepy little questioning tug on the bond stretching between him and Anakin. His charge must have just woken up and found Obi-Wan still missing.

Obi-Wan tugs back, helpless against the urge to comfort Anakin. The bond explodes in a tidal wave of joy, the way it always does when Obi-Wan uses their illicit connection to communicate. He hadn’t in the early days, too afraid of the Council and the Code to do something so forbidden.

Now he cannot seem to muster enough regard for the Jedi to care. It is nice to feel Anakin in his mind, where he belongs. Where he’s always belonged.

---

In the bedroom that Obi-Wan keeps on insisting is not theirs, Vader allows his eyes to open as he slips out of meditation. He had been too forceful there at the end with Vos, fed him the exact words he needed him to tell his new master.

That sort of mind trick is too sloppy and easily discovered. It is much harder to trace emotional manipulation, especially over time. He’s been doing it for months now, the Jedis’ mental shields no match for his raw power trained to be sharp as a vibroblade.

It’s all just been a matter of slowly strengthening the other Jedis’ already existing mistrust and doubt about him, all the while crying to Obi-Wan about his past and his fears. It served to highlight the Jedi hypocrisy to his new master, and when he felt that first seed of anger grow in Kenobi’s mind, he encouraged it to grow faster.

The downside, of course, has been that Obi-Wan sees him as a scared child in need of protection. Vader is working on that too though, lengthening the touches they share and letting his shields fall at inopportune moments, like when he’s playing with himself in the fresher, so his master understands that Vader is capable of bringing him pleasure of all kinds.

It’s very important Obi-Wan understands that he can get everything he needs from Vader alone. There will be no one else, for either of them.

Sidious will die soon. The Jedi will die sooner. Vader and Obi-Wan can take their proper place, as Emperors of the Galaxy.

After Obi-Wan falls, of course.

It won’t take long now though.

Joy at the thought of one day looking into Obi-Wan’s golden eyes pushes Vader out of their bed and into the common area. He rubs at his eyes with the back of his hand a few times, and then it’s Anakin who’s crossing the space separating him from his master so he can settle in Obi-Wan’s lap.

Obi-Wan accepts him into his arms immediately, and Anakin has to fight the urge to smile in victory as he squirms in an attempt to get comfortable, only stopping when he’s straddling his master, sitting directly over his cock.

He wraps his arms around his master’s neck and buries his face in the juncture between his shoulder and throat.

Feeling daring, he licks slightly at the skin there, just to feel the way Obi-Wan’s hands tighten on his hips. “Missed you,” he murmurs, inhaling greedily.

Nothing in the entire universe smells as good as Obi-Wan, holds Anakin as gently as Obi-Wan, cares as much about him as Obi-Wan does.

He’d kill everyone in the galaxy for his master, if it was asked of him. He wouldn’t even think twice about it. And one day, soon, his master will feel the same.

Especially when his pesky Order has been dealt with, an execution order stamped with Sidious’ name. The only good thing his old master has ever given him.

The Jedi will die, Anakin will be blameless, and Obi-Wan will be safe from harm’s way. That’s why he’d had to push Vos so messily at the end there. Obi-Wan needs to be safe before the planned Order #66, and there’s no telling what Sidious will do now that Anakin has escaped.

“I heard voices,” he prompts, when Obi-Wan seems content to just sit silently and trace shapes on the bare skin of his back.

Obi-Wan hums. “Yes,” he admits. “An...old friend came to visit.”

Anakin bites gently at the skin of Obi-Wan’s throat and pulls back enough to make eye contact. He doesn’t know if his eyes are blue or gold right now, but either way Obi-Wan seems entranced by them. Riveted.

He pouts. “Your old friends never stay around long enough to meet me,” he says with a tremble in his voice, as if he cares about Obi-Wan’s old friends.

Obi-Wan reaches a hand up and thumbs over Anakin’s bottom lip. Anakin holds his breath. It’ll ruin everything if he sucks at it right now, despite how much he’s craving to map the whorls with his tongue.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan breathes out, and Anakin changes his grasp so he’s now holding tightly to the front of his robes. “I must tell you something you may not want to hear.”

The Dark inside of him roars and snarls at this statement. If Obi-Wan has decided to make him leave, Anakin will not go quietly. Anakin will kill the entire Jedi Order himself, until this glowing angel--so warm, so bright in the Force--only has him.

“The Council will try to take you away from me,” his master murmurs.

Anakin makes his eyes go round and wet. It’s not even that much of an act: he just has to think of Obi-Wan agreeing with his stupid Council, and suddenly he’s appropriately tearful and afraid.

“No, no, Anakin, don’t cry,” his master croons, grasping the back of his neck and touching their foreheads together. Then, in a firmer tone, he says the words Anakin has been waiting to here for months. “I will not let that happen. We must leave the Order. I’m sorry, dear one. I can only imagine how much you wanted this place to be your home.”

Anakin has to rip his head out of Obi-Wan’s grasp and bury it in his neck so his dear master can’t see his smirk. Oh, Obi-Wan. The man may never understand that the only thing Anakin wants is already holding him tightly against his chest.

But Anakin will remind him. Anakin will remind him for the rest of his life.

“When do we leave?” Anakin whimpers, wondering if he’s overdoing it slightly, but Obi-Wan’s grip on his back only tightens.

When Obi-Wan speaks, his voice doesn’t waver at all. There’s not a single shred of indecision in his force signature either. “Tonight,” his master says, brushing a barely there kiss against the crown of his head. “We leave tonight.”

Vader smiles in bliss and burrows impossibly further into his master’s arms, nipping at his master’s skin again, just because he knows he will not be pushed away. This is the safest place in the galaxy, and now it will be his forever.

Victory tastes sweet. Obi-Wan’s skin tastes even sweeter.

[spacegirlinorbit]

Help Me Understand

Part 2

Obi wan x reader

Angst, fluff

Takes place during ROTS. Y/n there to be by Obi wan side as he discovers the truth behind the abrupt turn of events in the war, Anakin becoming darth vadar, and eventually how he will come to fight him.

Angst prompts :“I don’t want space. I want you. ...I need you, please stay with me.” “You don’t have to face him alone, you’re not alone.” 

SIDENOTE: ‘//’ when its one parenthesis's they are talking through the force and when its double ‘’ like normal its being said aloud 

Help me understand part 1

“Well it looks like you took all the fun.” I say more to Obi than Yoda.

“Master y/n.” Yoda responds and I give him a bow. “Master Yoda.”

“Y/n.” Obi wan looks at me with wide eyes and rushes over to pull into a tight hug. I return his hug gratefully. Anyone could see it and anyone could feel it. We have an unformidable bond. That’s all that mattered. We are safe and we have each other.

We part and I give him a somber smile, “I heard Anakin was here.”

Obi wan sighs and looks to Master Yoda whose head goes down casted. We make our way into the temple. I can feel intensely the echoes of screams and blasters and lightsabers going off all around. A massacre.

The masters talk amongst themselves as I bend down and reach out to the force and see the events play out. It’s like a rock in the pit of my stomach. I fear I already know. As I see him come into view cloaked and feeling possessed. This is no Anakin. He has a new awakening inside giving his entity a new identity. Darth Vadar.

“Who could have done this?” Obi questions. I look to Master Yoda and then back to Obi keeping it impassive. Doesn’t he feel it? Doesn’t he know? Is he trying to be ignorantly blind? No. Not Obi wan Kenobi. He knows deep down. He’s just not ready to face it.

Me and Obi work on reversing the code but as Master Yoda claims ‘a long time it will take’ to recalibrate the clones.

‘Cody was with you wasn't he?” I ask quietly not sure if I should bring it up.

“Yes.”

“I made contact with Ashoka. She’s managed to help Rex through the force. I fear for what might become of her if she sees Anakin.”

“Do you think...do you really think he is our enemy?”

“No.” I can’t hesitate. I do my best not to lie either. I need to have hope. You can win wars built on hope.

“How did it come to this? I don’t understand.”

“I can only think of one person. Palpatine.”

“I must know the truth.” He walks out of the room and I quickly follow.

“Master. There is something I must know.” He says and walks over to the channel recording tables.

Yoda warns him, but knowing Obi this is the only way he can bring himself to do it. The recording plays out. It confirms everything and breaks everything as well. Obi is conflicted once again and in pain that is hard to keep under control on the inside as I reach out to blanket him.

Master Yoda says the words no one wants to hear now. “Destroy the sith we must.”

Obi wan claims he can kill the emperor but not Anakin and I can’t help as my heart yearns at the sentiment. Anakin has turned to the dark side. He is sith. He is Darth vader. He is no longer Anakin and it pains me to even think about it. It pains me to see Obi-wan in turmoil about it.

“I don’t know where to look. Do you know?” He turns to me now. I sadly put my head down and shake my head no.

“I didn’t hear that part of the conversation. You will have to go to Padme. She will probably have an easier time telling you.” I say trying to hide my discomfort. I wasn’t jealous of Padme but I didn’t understand how Obi wan was more compelling to be more open with her than with me. Someone who has been by his side more often than not. We did our first mission together. One of many. We have a force connection only we share more powerful than most. I was there when Quin Gon died and he was crying in his room all night. Then he took on the responsibility of Anakin Skywalker.

“You’re right as ever.” He says and gives me a small smile and a squeeze on my shoulder.

“I’ll continue to figure out the code. You go speak with Padme.” I say trying not to grind my teeth with every word that comes out of my mouth. The last thing I want is to be alone. Not when he has finally come home.

“I’ll fetch you when I’m done.” He replies before he leaves with one last stare that could say a million things.

It feels like an eternity since he left but I reach out slightly on the parameters of his force line. Padme is in shock and disbelief. She doesn’t end up telling him where despite how much he pushes in her head but he does sense the child she carries is Anakin’s. Thank the stars I don’t have to keep that a secret anymore. Padme didn’t tell me, but it was easy prying into Anakin’s mind when he asked me to watch over her. That and how she was eating more and the belly was starting to show.

I sense his presence coming closer to me and I meet him out on a small landing dock where no one would detect us.

“You’re just going to have to sit sideways in my lap.” He explains with a bit of cough and the tips of his ears tinge pink. He’s embarrassed. My heart is pounding but I do it anyway.

We go to the senate building and disguise ourselves to a hanger where Padme's ship is being ready for take off. Obi grabs my hand and we sneak onto the ship undetected by Padme and C3PO. Obi wan informed on the way here that she didn’t tell him where Anakin is but has been sensing she is going after him. We hide in a compartment together on the ship. I settle for sitting down and hugging my legs to my chest. Obi takes a Jedi kneeling stance across from me.

‘Did you know about the baby?’ He projects into my mind.

‘Yes. I knew.’ I begrudgingly say.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ He questions.

‘It wasn’t my place to tell. I read Anakin’s mind and found out my suspicions were true.’

‘Ah.’

‘Why did you say that when the war broke out?’ I ask timidly. I wish there was a wall between us. I don’t dare look at him when I ask this question.

‘What do you mean?’ I can feel him start to close off.

‘You called me, “my love”. What did you mean?’

‘...’ he is silent at first but then sighs and rubs his hand down his face. ‘I suppose I can’t hide it any longer. I don’t need to. I meant I love you. Because I do. I have loved you for a long time now. I just knew we couldn’t give in. We were always passing each other too. The missions together became less and communicating became more silent. It wasn’t the Jedi way. Now there is no Jedi.’

‘Oh Obi there is Jedi. There’s you, me, Yoda, and hopefully we can save Anakin.’

‘Yes.’ I can feel the hesitation. He’s on edge but blurts it out bluntly through the force. ‘Do you love me?’

I try not to smile big seeing as my heart will burst but all I feel right now for Obi Wan is love. We are about to enter a battlefield with a friend turned foe and yet none of that matters as much as I feel for Obi Wan Kenobi.

‘Yes.’ I say this time meaning it with my entire heart. Probably the first real truthful yes I’ve said all day. I can feel the love he has kept hidden, flow through me and it’s bliss and would leave me in daze if I didn’t know what we were about to do.

Landing in disguise was probably the hardest and easiest part. Padme didn’t know we were there and anakin’s energy was too high off the charts to focus on multiple things at once. His sole focus was Padme that much we could feel. We waited until she made it off the ship and then as we snuck out of our little compartment I looked to see 3CPO spot us and I gave him a signal of silence and for once he didn't make a sound. I hear Anakin’s voice and look back at obi wan at the entrance exposing his presence.

Everything after that happened so quickly. Padme being choked and falling unconscious. Anakin and Obi Wan start to negotiate but no real negotiation takes place. Obi wan in his mind tells me stay on board, Padme is still breathing, and Anakin could hurt me if i expose myself now. I stay back until I hear them start to duel and leave the scene. I run out to Padme whose unconscious but through the force I can feel she's under a lot of stress she can’t handle and I fear the baby-no babies it seems: twins, will be coming sooner than expected. I get 3CPO’s help to load Padme back into the ship and let her rest. I want to call out to Obi wan but I fear it would distract him.

I reach out to have my force barely touch Obi wan’s as I feel a sudden anguish overwhelm me in my meditation in the force. Obi wan felt nothing but pain as he had to leave his brother, someone who was the closest thing he had to family being left to die. He wasn't looking to make Anakin suffer but as we all know that wasn’t Anakin anymore but Darth Vadar. I send 3CPO to inform Obi wan as he makes his way back to the ship. I can feel he is miserable and tired. 3CPO sets the coordinates as I make the call for a medic droid to be ready once we arrive. Obi Wan pays Padme a visit to Padme. I hear her ask about Anakin as she did when I helped her lay down for rest. She will never be the same again, but at least she has her children.

Obi wan makes his way to the front of the ship, silent. I can feel the indifference of pain within him. I think to myself he must need space right now and make my way back towards Padme. If only I could help relieve some of the pain he’s feeling.

“Come back…” I hear softly called out. I’m almost at Padme’s door when I faintly hear the voice. I turn around and see Obi wan looking at the ground and running his hand down his face as he does when in hard times.

“Did you say something?” I ask, wondering if I heard wrong.

“I don’t want space.”

“Oh.” Was he mind reading me earlier?

“I don’t want space. I want you. ...I need you, please stay with me.”

I feel my heartbreak a little at the crack of his voice. He is doing his best to stay strong, but he just did the impossible and shouldered the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders. No one will understand, but I’ll be damned if I don’t at least try or help him one way or another.

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thAT WAS THERAPY FOR ME LMAO i hope u enjoyed reading this late night and perhaps forgotten story i wrote. 

[chokemeanakin]

idk if you do like song request sorta things, but could you do a fic based on the song "night bus" by gabrielle alpin? especially the "suddenly i know that i'm on my way home to you for the last time" part--maybe an angsty sort of thing where the reader and anakin's relationship gets discovered and she gets sent away or smth? idk i couldn't stop thinking ab it last night and i have no motivation to write it myself and i love your writing so maybe?? tysm!

Oh sis this was so much fun to write. Even though it is sad... idk i liked getting in the feels. Anyway I hope it meets your expectations. If it didn’t, well, pls write it yourself and tag me! I’d love to see what your vision was ❤️🤗

Masterlist

Read it on ao3

WC: 1.8k

Night Bus - Anakin x gn Reader angst

You swore this would never be you. You promised yourself it would last. If two people love each other, there should be no reason you couldn’t be together.

That’s childish thinking, you tugged your jacket tighter around you. Your boots dragged through the grey sludge of the sidewalk, remnants from a lazy downpour of wet snow a few hours before. Your mind whirled and stomach churned as the streetlights began blinking on one by one, the markets closing up for the night. 

It should have been a peaceful thing, but you felt sick. With each step closer to your destination, you felt as though a current was dragging you back, the darkness closing in around you. You knew as soon as you reached him, it would be for the last time. Your fairytale would come to an end, and as you walked through the bitter streets of Coruscant on your way to the Jedi temple, you prepared yourself to say goodbye to your prince charming. 

“It’s selfish, what you’re doing,” Master Windu had hissed at you. You were still reeling from his admittance that he knew about your and Anakin’s relationship. You had been so careful to keep it a secret, you had no idea how he found out. 

“Obi-Wan told you,” your lips felt like rubber.

“He did not,” Mace leveled his gaze at you. “He knows, I’m sure of it. But he respects Anakin too much to give him away like that. A flaw on his part, which will be dealt with later.”

Your head was swimming. What did this mean for you? For Anakin? For the both of you together? Obviously you knew what was next, but your mind couldn’t wrap around it, couldn’t accept it.

“You need to let him go,” Mace declared, not a hint of mercy detected. 

“I can’t.”

“Then he needs to let you go.”

“He won’t.”

“Then you will be the fall of the Jedi!” His sudden outburst made you flinch. Your heart beat fast, blood swishing in your ears. His body was still as a statue, but his eyes were wide and his chest was heaving with an anger that was barely under control. Master Windu was of the more… pessimistic Jedi, but you had never really seen him lose control so completely. Now, you could see he was overwhelmingly stressed. No, not stressed-- panicked. 

“He needs me,” you replied shakily, unwilling to stand down. Anakin had made it clear over and over again that if you just said the word, he would leave the Order for you. The only reason he was still here was because you wouldn’t let him abandon his purpose for you. Windu may think you would be the downfall of the Jedi, but you were the reason it hadn’t completely fallen yet.

“You’re a poison to him.”

It looked like neither of you would be backing down. Windu saw this, and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. When he opened them, he strolled to his seat, and then motioned for you to take the one beside him.

“Let me explain myself,” his voice was much calmer now, but the hard look in his eyes remained. “Anakin is important. Not just to the Jedi, but to the balance of life itself.”

“He never asked for any of that.”

“But he still is,” Windu argued. “There’s no changing that fact. He is powerful. He has potential. And he’s unstable. He was before he met you, and he is now-- even more so.”

“Because of me?”

“Because of how he feels about you.”

You clenched your fists and glared at Windu. “How could being in love ever be a bad thing?”

“Love is an attachment. When one is attached to something, it can be taken away. When it is taken away, it breeds anger and hate and resentment, a path to the dar--”

“Oh, spare me the lecture,” you spit. “I know of your Jedi laws and morals. Now tell me why our love is so forbidden if all it’s bringing him is happiness and peace?”

“For now. It’s happiness and peace for now, because it’s new. I should have stepped in sooner, should have stopped it before it was too late. But with the start of the war, I lost sight of it, got too distracted…” Windu shook his head. “If you end it now, he’ll be able to move on. The damage won’t be permanent.”

“I don’t understand,” your chest stung. 

“He loves you. Any Jedi can sense that. And you love him, too.” You couldn’t meet Windu’s gaze. “If something happens to you, and you are taken away from him, or-- Force forbid-- you die, it will break him. He will be consumed by anger and hatred and he will fall to the dark side. His emotions are strong, far too strong to be handled easily. If Anakin goes to the darkside, the Jedi will be no match for the Sith. We will perish, and the war will be lost, and so will any semblance of peace that exists in this life.”

Mace’s tone softened as he saw the tears build up in your eyes. “This path is inevitable, and it needs to be prevented. The only way we can be sure is to remove you from his life. It was a mistake letting you two get so close, and the Council takes full responsibility. But now, you must let him go.”

“How certain are you,” you forced the words from your aching throat. “How certain are you of this future?”

“Yoda had a vision.”

Your breath left you like a balloon deflating. You were glad you were sitting now, because you didn’t think your legs could handle the weight as you felt your world crumble around you. Anakin’s smiling face flashed through your mind, and a tear trailed down your face.

“You have until sunrise to leave Coruscant,” Mace’s tone was back to authoritative, formal and commanding, leaving no room for argument. “You can never return. Not as long as Anakin is here. You may never come in contact with him ever again.”

“And who’s going to stop me if I do? Who’s going to stop him?”

“If you have any respect for every innocent living being in this galaxy, you will do what needs to be done. Now go. You have a job to do.”

You swore you could hear your heart drop and shatter to the ground in a million tiny pieces as you stood from that chair and walked out of the council room. You spent the day mulling over your conversation, crying, pacing, and pulling at your hair. You tried to think of anything you could do to be with Anakin-- pretend to leave him and be even more secretive, get a different identity so you could stay on Coruscant, run away together. You knew he would if you asked.

But deep down, you knew Windu was right. The Jedi needed Anakin, and you were his weakness. If Anakin left, or fell to the dark side because of you, it would be the end of the galaxy. Just because it wasn’t a possibility now, doesn’t mean it wasn’t one in the future. Yoda had a vision, after all, and the fear in Windu’s eyes told you it was serious. 

Now here you were, walking to Anakin’s place to spend one last night with him before you had to leave him. Forever. Your body ached from the cold, the grief, and from packing your belongings all afternoon. You could barely form words as you booked a ship off the planet for early next morning. Then, you had numbly pulled on your jacket and boots, and began your trek to Anakin one last time. 

Cars whizzed overhead, the honking distant in your hollow ears. You were shaking, but not from the cold, as you caught sight of the Jedi temple ahead. The entrance was only a few feet away. You just had to walk through the door, sneak down the hallway, and you’d be there. He’d open the door, offer you a blinding smile, pull you inside, and warm you up with a drink and a kiss. You would put something on the holonet like you always did, just for background noise, and lay down on the bed and just be together. Talk, or kiss, or hold each other. Feel his laugh vibrate through your body because he was pressed so close to you, watch his curls bounce as he shook his head, listen to the soft sounds of him sleeping. The moonlight always made him look like some sort of space prince as it glistened off his cheekbones, painting him in a pale blue. You would trace your fingertips along his face, and he would pretend to still be asleep as he smiled and kissed your fingertips. So happy, so at peace, so in love--

You stopped in your tracks.

I can’t do this.

The pain was building up again. You thought your heart had already shattered, but the ghost of it kept cracking. Something awful was breaking in your chest with each breath, each second, each step toward your goodbye. There was no way you could face him and be okay tonight. The tears were already making an appearance.

“You need to let him go,” Windu’s voice battled your sorrow. “You will be the fall of the Jedi.”

The breath you took was like swallowing razor blades as the cold air filled your lungs. Steadying yourself on the wall of the temple, you pushed your way past the entrance and entered the main hall. The familiar smell worsened your nausea, and you kept your hood up and head down as you walked the familiar path down the hall, taking the elevator up, and then crossing the last hallway before you found his door.

You schooled your features and shoved down the swirling tempest threatening to spill out of you. Once your hands stopped trembling, you brought a fist up and knocked on the door.

Anakin opened the door. He was smiling brilliantly, blue eyes sparkling in the light. The image of his face falling, eyes clouding over in confusion and hurt as he searched for you the next morning and found you gone flashed through your mind. You knew he would never stop searching for you. This is not what he would have wanted. But Mace was right-- he would heal, in time, and he could live the life he was supposed to live; as a Jedi, a General, and the Chosen One. 

“Anakin,” you forced yourself to smile. “Hi.”

His smile turned from charming to soft, hands immediately moving to pull you into his room for the last time. “You’re freezing, my love. Let’s get you warmed up, I already made you something to drink.”

[starwarsaddiction]

Learning the Force

First night in Corusant

You can read it here too. 

The cerimony of Obi-Wan Knighthood and the first night on Corusant, for the first time after Qui-Gon Jinn death.

Naboo, after Qui-Gon Jinn funeral, in a secluded chamber, with the High Council and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

“You have passed all the trials, fighting with the Sith that killed your master, Obi-Wan.” said Mace, the small ritual knife in hand, watching him and with a hand on his shoulder. All the council had seen the recordings from the security cams more times, watching the duel from the start to its painful end, and asked so many details to Obi-Wan that he had to review the memory as much as he could bare. It was just because he could feel the warmth of their affection and comprehension that he could stand the questions and the rewatching, and he knew that they were terrified as he was, knowing that the Sith were back, even if one was already defeated. A fearful legend came out of the darkness and became a terrifying reality, the day he killed the Sith Lord, and the life of Qui-Gon Jinn was a great loss for all of them, even if he didn't always agree with the High Council. He was a friend and an honored master for many of them, anyway. “You're the first jedi to kill a sith, and he did kill your master before your very eyes, but that's not the only consideration we've made. You kept your mind calm and focused, even in the face of the grief and the anger for Master Qui-Gon death. And when that Sith was in a position of advantage, you were able to collect yourself and find the opportunity to overcome him, reaching into the force, without letting your pain and anger to strain you from the battle. You never let your emotions to guide your actions, never let them lead you to the dark side, and this is the reason we all decided that you're eligible to become a Jedi Knight. This duel will be remembered and will become subject of study for the next generations of jedi, I believe. So no other trials are required to knight you.” Obi-Wan nodded, breathing slowly. The pain in his heart was so deep that he feared he could cry, but he almost could hear his master saying “calm down, focus on the present, feel the force” in his ear. Yoda approached Mace, before he cut the braid, and with a gesture asked for the ritual knife. “To me the dagger give, please...” He said to Mace. “The braid by the master must be cut. Qui-Gon we lost, and his master too... but his master I trained, so your braid I'll be the one to cut, young Obi-Wan.” That was too much for Obi-Wan self control. He kneeled down, to put himself at the same height of Master Yoda, but he couldn't hide his tears anymore. He bow down, let the tears stream his face, and it took a while before he was able to look the old master in the face. He felt his tiny hand on his shoulder, giving a light caress, and his old face was warmly smiling, when Obi-Wan could finally focus on the Grand Master of the Jedi Order. Obi-Wan didn't look around, but he could feel in the Force how many other masters around him were feeling the same grief, and if he had watched, he could have seen many of them whipe tears from their faces. He bowed to Yoda, and he cut the braid, keeping it in his small hand. “Welcome to the Jedi Order, Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi.” said, putting the braid in the hand of Obi-Wan. “Rise, please. May the Force be with you, always.”

Anakin was not allowed to the ceremony, because he wasn't still accepted in the Jedi Order, and he waited for him in their room, feeling small and a bit lost, until he was called to be finally welcomed in the Order. His hair was cut and a little braid was made behind his ear. He wore for the first time the clothes that were distinctive of his new found status of padawan apprentice, and finally joined Obi-Wan again, just before the great ceremony for the victory against the Separatists in the central street of Theed, on Naboo. “They cut your braid. Obi-Wan...” “Yes... I'm no longer a padawan. I couldn't be anymore, I'm your Master, now.” he smiled. Anakin felt his sadness, he could have told how sad he was even if they weren't both force sensitive. His eyes were still sad and weary, as if he had just cried his eyes out, and his smile surely was not as wide as the first time they met. Anakin feared that Obi-Wan could blame him for his master death and the weight of taking him as padawan, but all he could feel from Obi-Wan was his warmth and gentleness. There was something deeply reassuring in his face, and Anakin could only hope that they would discover each other and became at least friends, soon enough. But they had no time to talk properly until they finally went to Corusant, the great capital of the Galactic Republic, and home of the Jedi Order.

Corusant, Jedi Temple.

The Temple never felt so huge and empty, thought Obi-Wan, stepping in the great entrance for the first time after the return from Naboo. He had a small quarter of his own, and Qui-Gon Jinn apartment was already emptied and reassigned, so he asked, before arriving, to have another apartment, bigger and with another bedroom, to live in with Anakin. Obi-Wan surely didn't want to leave the boy in the dormitory, alone with all the other kids, that could only be a bunch of curious strangers, to him. He could feel clearly the kid's fear for all the new things to come and even if he didn't feel the loss of Qui-Gon as strongly and deeply hurting as it was for Obi-Wan, he was surely stunned by the fast events that occurred in such few days. The first evening, they found themselves in this new quarter, a small kitchen and living room, and two twin bedrooms. The bed in Anakin's room was softer and bigger than he ever had, but the whole place felt cold and faceless, to the boy. ��It's all new, Anakin... we'll start from here, and it'll become cozier, I promise.” Obi-Wan said, taking all the blankets he could find in his arms and sorting them in two piles. He took the bigger one and brought it in Anakin's room, preparing the bed. “It's winter here on Coruscant, and I figure you could be cold, at night. if you need more blankets, just ask, we'll have them brought by service droids, in any moment, even during the night.” He went on explaining the heating system and all the equipement that he thought Anakin hadn't in his Tatooine home, trying to make him feel welcomed and safe, he ordered something to eat from the communal kitchen and they had a small dinner in the kitchen, trying to get used to each other. The boy followed him silently, nodding, not daring to interrupt him, fearing to be of nuisance. After dinner they cleaned together, but Obi-Wan felt his hesitation, and stopped. “Don't worry, if there is something you want to know, or to say, anything, you just tell me, ok?” Anakin hesitated, shifting on his feets. “Are you... happy that I'm here...” said, but he bit his lips, knowing they were the wrong words, but unable to find the right ones. “well, maybe not happy... but do you...” he stopped, biting his lower lip. Obi- Wan sat down, and patted the couch beside him to invite Anakin to sit down as well. He breathed deeply before answering. “I would never imagine all of this, surely... but I have always thought about becoming a Knight and taking a Padawan myself, as my master before me. I was preparing for the trials, Qui-Gon was sure I was ready... It was a fast change, and yes, Anakin, I'm scared and surprised too.” he smiled, taking the kids hands in his. Anakin's were cold and small, and he held them between his, warming them. “But I'm happy that I can share all the things that Qui-Gon has taught me with you. He was an incredible master, and I hope I'll be able to be a good master for you. I know that we don't know each other, but we will learn. You'll learn from me and I from you. Don't be scared, we're here together.” “How do you know how I feel? How seems that everybody knows how I feel?” Asked Anakin, wording his discomfort for being so easily readable for the first time in his life. “Because we're jedi, like you. We've learned to see through each other. Try, you can too. Look at me.” he smiled to the kid, “look into my eyes... and breathe with me. Feel my hands, and feel the Force. It's like... a deep sensation in your belly. It's like a door opening to a larger hall, a presence wider than you. I'm there, in that open space that is the Force itself. Just let it flow through you, like your breath.” he said, in a voice that became calmer and slower, while everything around them became far and silent. Anakin obeyed, synchronizing his breath with Obi-Wan, focusing on his face, his eyes bright and gentle, his voice so soothing and calm. He let his breath become slower, his mind calmed down and the familiar sense of the surrounding that had always filled his conscience became less cluttered, less noisy, cleared for the fist time, and in his physical sensation he finally felt the sensation that Obi-Wan mentioned. It was like a switch, something opened in his body, and something larger made his way in his belly. He could feel the presence of Obi-Wan in a way he never felt anyone else, it was not only in front of him, he was inside him, a presence in his mind. He could sense the feelings of the man in front of him, the grief for his master deep down, the doubts for their future, but all this was just a small part of Obi-Wan, like details in a greater landscape. He felt a great calm, and compassion, and a sense of affection that reminded him of his mother, Shmi, far away on Tatooine. Obi-Wan was way more centered and collected that Anakin, and even if his emotion were similar to his own, he felt something that made him desire even more to become a Jedi. It was like being in the presence of a powerful yet loving being, he could feel the power of the Force running through him, it was like the great strength of a sand tempest, but it wasn't even remotely scary or deadly. It was gentle, compassionate, guided by a strong will and a desire to help, and the ability to do it without harm. And behind his human presence, there was the presence of a greater being, and he understood that it was the Force itself. Obi-Wan opened himself and let Anakin look through him and into the Force, like a door to a brighter light, and Anakin finally found a similar door inside himself, a connection to the Force. It was sentient, compassionate, benevolent and enormous. It talked with a soft voice, and another voice inside Anakin joined it like they wer singing in a choir as wide as the galaxy itself, so wide that left Anakin almost overwhelmed, and it was just because he was still watching the kind face of his new master that he didn't loose himself in that vast energy and could come back to that room, that couch, the feeling of his big, warm hands around his own, small but finally warm hands. This was the first real lesson that he ever received in the Temple, the first time he learned to willingly find the Force in himself, and Anakin never forgot that feeling, and his master force signature was deeply inscripted that time and forever in his mind, so strongly that he could recognize him everywhere. That first time forged their connection so that from that moment on, Anakin could find Obi-Wan anywhere in the temple, without any comlink, he just knew where to find him. For the rest of his life, even when Obi-Wan was unaware of this, he could sense his master further than it was usual for padawans, and he never forgot that sensation. He looked into the heart of Obi-Wan and thought “this is a man I can follow, this is a man I can call my master.”

Years after, The Death Star.

Even when he was encaged in his armor and crippled, a small part of Anakin remembered the warm, loving and calm presence that Obi-Wan was in his mind, from that time in their first shared apartment, to the day that he sensed him on the Death Star, for the last time. It was only when he cut through his cloak, only to watch him disappear into thin air, that the presence of Obi-Wan Kenobi was completely erased from his conscience, and he felt ever more alone than his entire life

[dettiot]

Discovery

Opposing Counsel | Case Law | Statute of Limitations | Amicus Curiae | Cause of Action | Precedent | De Novo | My Star Wars Fic Masterlist

Discovery: Procedures used to obtain disclosure of evidence before trial.

As he looked at Satine in the soft candlelight, Ben felt like he was perpetually breathless. Any time he looked at her, there was something new to discover. The sparkle in her eyes, the shine of her hair, the warmth of her smile . . . 

Satine had been pretty and beguiling when they were in law school. Now, as a woman? She was elegance, grace, beauty . . . and so hot, he was sure he would get burned if he touched her. 

Or maybe it was just his nerves. Because he knew tonight he wanted to be honest with her. Honest in a way he had never been with any woman. 

It was time to tell her the truth about his past. 

“Satine?” 

“Yes, Ben?” she said as she looked at him over the rim of her martini glass.

Ben took a deep breath. “I . . . I wanted to talk to you. About me.” 

Her eyes blinked, her eyelashes thick and dark. “Oh?” Her voice seemed a touch cooler and Ben tried to push down his flicker of panic. 

Reaching across the table, he took her hand gently, feeling her warmth flow into him. “About my family.” 

“Your family?” Satine asked, her eyes widening. She tilted her head as she looked at him. “You never talked about them . . .” 

“It’s a long story,” Ben said, taking his martini in his free hand and taking a healthy swallow. “And it’s not a very nice one.” 

She squeezed his hand. “I’m not going anywhere, Ben.” 

Something about her words, her whole presence, was soothing and relaxing and strengthening. 

“My parents gave me up to Child Protective Services when I was three,” Ben said quietly. “I grew up in foster homes . . . not all of them were good. But when I was twelve, I ended up in a good one. My foster father, Quinn . . . he was wonderful. He believed in me, he was so kind and warm, he . . . he changed my life.” 

Satine’s lips quirked into a small smile, even as her eyes looked sad. “Tell me about him.” 

He didn’t let go of her hand, even though he had gotten through the hardest part. It felt too good to hold her hand. 

“Quinn was just so wise. So patient. I wanted to be just like him. He was a lawyer, and . . .” Ben let his voice trail off as he shrugged his shoulders sheepishly. 

Her face lit up. “You became a lawyer because of him. Ben. That . . . that’s just so you.” 

His face felt like it was on fire, but strangely, he didn’t mind. He smiled and ducked his head before he nodded. 

“Yes. I wanted to help people like Quinn did. So I started studying hard, doing everything I could to get my law degree. But--but it wasn’t easy.” 

The catch in his voice made him wince and pick up his martini, taking another swallow. He was reconsidering his idea that the worst was over--because as hard as it was to talk about the early part of his life, what he still had to tell her . . . it didn’t reflect well on him. And it might make her wonder if he was worth the second chance she had given him. 

“What happened?” Satine asked, her voice soft and gentle. She rubbed her thumb against his hand. 

“Quinn died when I was eighteen, right before I started at UCLA,” Ben said, feeling the same stab in his heart he always felt. 

“Oh, Ben,” Satine said, her voice full of sympathy. “I’m so sorry.” 

He nodded, taking a moment to collect himself. Satine wrapped both her hands around his as she waited. 

“I was so overwhelmed,” Ben admitted. “Not just with college, but with all my grief . . . I couldn’t handle it. I thought I had to cut people out of my life. Focus on my career in order to honor Quinn.” 

Her eyebrows drew together, but Ben wasn’t sure if it was in confusion or in disdain. 

“When I was sixteen, Quinn took in another boy--a nine-year-old named Anakin. I was hurt,” Ben said slowly. “I felt like he was trying to replace me. But Anakin was just so bright and smart and kind. He was more like Quinn than I was. So I resented Anakin, but also--I liked him. It took some time, but eventually, we became brothers. But after Quinn . . . I just left Anakin behind.” 

Satine took a deep breath. “Ben--you were hurting. And although I couldn’t imagine leaving my sister behind, like you did to Anakin, I can tell that you seem to regret it.” 

Letting out a huff, Ben nodded. “I really regret it. Anakin ended up in another foster home--one that wasn’t good for him. He bonded with his foster sister, Ahsoka, but then she got moved to a new home. Anakin went into the Marines, but . . . he lost his arm due to an IED, and afterwards . . . he became addicted to opiates.” 

Her expressive face showed what she was feeling. It was something Ben lo--liked about Satine. How her emotions were so on display, making her so easy to read. 

And right now, he might just burn up from all the warmth she was showing him. 

Ben swallowed, wishing he could just lean across the table and kiss her. Let her know just how much her good opinion of him mattered. 

Let her know how close he was to falling in love with her. 

“Is Anakin okay now?” Satine asked quietly, gazing at him. 

Unable to speak, he nodded as he drew himself together. “Yes. He got clean while I was in law school--he’s so strong--but he was having a hard time putting his life together. He was living in DC, so . . .”

He watched as Satine grasped what he wasn’t saying. Her eyes went wide and her hands gripped his tightly. “You took the clerkship to be closer to Anakin.” 

She stared at him for a long moment, then she let go of his hands and punched him, hard, in his shoulder. “Ben Kenobi! How could you not tell me any of this before?!?” 

“Ow!” he huffed, rubbing his shoulder. 

“You dumped me and moved to DC to be closer to your brother. Why didn’t you just tell me that? Do you think I wouldn’t have understood? That I would have been mad?” 

“I don’t know!” Ben said, feeling his anger spark in response to Satine’s. “I’ve never told anyone about my family--not until now--and I didn’t know how to do it. But I wanted you to know this about me. So you’d know why I left you!” 

To his shock, the anger suddenly drained out of Satine’s face, leaving her looking bereft. “Ben,” she said, her voice quavering. 

“Satine--no, please don’t cry,” he said, reaching out to grab her hand. “I’m sorry. It’s just-- Tonight, you told me this couldn’t be like before, and I meant what I said. I promise that I’m not going to mess up my second chance with you. And that meant it was time to tell you everything. Everything I’ve ever hidden about myself, all my insecurities and fears and secrets. Because I know you’ll keep me safe, Satine.” 

Even in the dim light, it was easy to see the tears in her eyes. But as he spoke, Ben could tell that . . . that it was going to be okay. 

Especially when she squeezed his hand. 

“I will, Ben,” she said softly. “I’ll keep you safe.” 

Ben Kenobi prided himself on being in-control, stable, logical. But right now, he just wanted to shove the table aside and pull Satine into his arms. Kiss her with everything he had, pour all his love into her. 

Because he loved her. It seemed so foolish to try to deny it. 

He opened his mouth to say it, but at the last second, something made him hold back. 

This was only their second date. It was too soon. They should take things slow, not rush things. There was plenty of time. 

But as he looked at Satine, the words I love you played in a loop in his brain. And it was only the appearance of their waiter with their meals that kept him from saying it. 

End.

[sassysnowperson]

7, 28, 40, for the Star Wars asks

Hello hello, thank you for this! 

7 - If you could choose any profession to have in the GFFA, what would you be?

Oooh, I'm going to go with my first instinct on this one and say Jedi Archivist. I'm not going to pretend I don't want the superpowers possible in the universe. And if that comes with a Space Library? So much the better! Jocasta Nu is my hero, lets hear it for the badass librarians :D 

 28 -  If you could stop one character from doing one thing, who would it be and why?

Ohhhh, geez. Many things. All of the things. I suppose stopping Palpatine from existing is a little too obvious of a choice, hm? Putting aside that very appealing option, I think I'm going to go with stopping Qui-Gon from leaving Shmi on Tatooine. Lets keep her and her kid together! I dunno if it would actually keep Anakin from falling, but the idea of Shmi getting to hang out in the heart of power and try to keep her kid safe and happy is very appealing to me. And there's all sorts of interesting ways that AU could go.

40 - If you could make your own Star Wars trilogy/series, what would it be about?

Ooooooh, the POWER. So, to limit myself, I'm going to say I can't re-write the existing canon, otherwise I'd be just fix-it-ing all over the place. If I was actually going to tell an original story…. 

Hmmm, I'm thinking…yeah. Droid revolution! 

Lets play with this. Our protagonist is a plucky young former-First Order cleaning droid. They're freed from their life of First Order drudgery by the end of Rise of Skywalker, and wind up with their restraining bolt sliced off to wander the wider galaxy. 

(this got, um, long, with a fully-plotted trilogy, so we're just gonna put what's next below the cut)

Movie 1: 

Coming of Age story, but with the droid. Finding self, discovering purpose, going on journeys of self-discovery trying to find a place in the world. It's Harrowing. It's clear the world doesn't much like free droids. They try to find honest employment, succeed for a little bit. 

But then! They're captured by pirates or something and almost fitted with a restraining bolt but they fight their way free (probably through clever trickery or mechanical know-how)! BB-8 is inexplicably there and helping in some way. (Cameo for the merch and to put in the trailer!) They wind up finding a place in an all-droid ship crew and sail off for a life of wonder! 

Movie 2: 

The ship crew is now home, we spend a little time getting to know the whacky cast of characters. There's the protag. There's a massive battledroid that loves a fiberart of some kind. There's a Gonk-droid that's the crew's philosopher. There's one of those tiny tatooine podracer droids (DUM? Something like that? I'm not pulling up wookiepedia right now) that LOVES explosives. There's a wise mentor-figure astromech. The captain is literally the ship itself - some prototypical thing from the Clone Wars that wasn't decommissioned as well as anyone thought. They like each other, they're family. 

ANYWAY, after the lovely montage introducing everyone, they show them doing a job. The job goes smoothly, but after that, there's Tension. They have to pretend there's an organic around to get payment. And then, their worst nightmare - some Evil Person has learned there's a crew full of droids just ripe for claiming. And the law is on the Evil Person's side! How terrible. 

"We're not people," the wise mentor says. "We're salvage." 

They're on the Run. Then, they hear a tale. A Paradise, a place where droids are free. It's secret, and protected, and there's a Fancy Space Magic Map or something. The movie leans into being an action-adventure flick after that, a wild race towards the promised land, with the Evil Person that wants to enslave them hot on their heels. There is daring do! There are dramatic ship fights! 

And then - just as the Evil Person is on the verge of claiming them, they find the promised land! The promised land droids defeat the Evil Person. Finally, here is a whole city where droids can be free. Glory! We keep focused on the team for a bit, watching them settle in and realize they can survive without being soldiers. They get to be people, just people in a wonderful mechanical city. And THEN, just as they're HAPPY (with an indistinct amount of time passing so the fanfic writers can have a good time) in the last three minutes of the movie, you find out there is a LARGE FLEET bearing down on them. Oh no. They have been Found. SUSPENSE! 

Movie 3: 

Our plucky crew now have to Fight. We quickly meet the leadership of the Promised Land - a quiet Competent One, a Jaded old Soldier, and a Passionate Revolutionary (they are, of course, all droids).  There is a rising sense of despair. There is no place for droids in this world that is truly free. In the first third of the movie, they work out a mad plan to free the droids on the attacking fleet. It requires infiltrating the ship. Our crew do it. There is much Heroism. There are some sad thoughts about going back into battle when they thought that life was behind them. There are cool explosions. It works! The droids turn on their masters and now the Promised Land has a Fleet! 

Which, of course, is going to make its own problems. There is probably politics. A polite request from the New Republic to please give the fleet back, and they will guarantee the safety of the promised land. Oh, but of course, you will have to return all the droids you just freed from the ships. They belonged to the Corporate Sector, who funds most of our government, so we really need you to give them back. They weren't, after all, your property. 

There is a lot of agonized back and forth, but our Protagonist remains firm - no! The answer is no! We don't trade other's lives for our freedom. We have to fight! We might lose but we have to fight! And what better time than now, when we have a fleet! It is Very Inspirational. The Passionate Revolutionary on the council is on the Protagonist's side.

We're going to need to keep the fleet in fuel, says the Jaded Old Soldier. 

Well, it turns out, the Quiet Competent One says, most fuel stations are automated these days. By droids. As are most shipyards. There's more Heroic Action, slipping into a fueling station and freeing the droids, holding that and branching out to the shipyards, their fleet becoming stronger and stronger, the Corporate Sector responding in more and more force, until it comes down to an epic battle and they are strong but the Corporate Sector is stronger except...at the critical moment the ORGANIC CREW turns on the Corporate Sector. The droids realize suddenly that they are not fighting for their own survival, they are, apparently, liberators. 

The question remains: how do you build a good civilization for organic and mechanic alike? 

There's no easy answer, but it is a lot easier with the massive mines and resources of the corporate sector at their disposal.  The trilogy ends with our Protagonist attending a summit at the New Republic to graciously offer terms of political cooperation between the New Republic and the Free Droid Economic Collaboration. R2D2 is there. He says he's proud of the Protag. Protag is a little starstruck. Nothing is quite settled, but it is very hopeful, and isn't that what Star Wars is all about?

[sirikenobi12]

👀👀👀

Ah yes my friend!! Enjoy the beginning of my WIP where Siri travels to Stewjon and meets clan Kenobi!  **************************************** He debated cancelling their plans. It would be so easy for him to just turn left and continue on towards the hanger, she would understand, duty always came first. And if she didn’t understand then the two of them needed to have a whole other conversation. 

He sighed and turned right. He needed her help, so he pushed aside the guilt he was feeling, knowing if it weren’t dire he wouldn’t delay his assistance to the poor people of that village. He clenched his fists as he thought about the innocent being slaughtered needlessly just because someone wanted to hurt him. It was Kadavo all over again. His compassion was being used as a weapon, and the pain he was feelling in the Force was all too familiar and it felt as if someone was slowly peeling off his skin inch by bloody inch. 

He couldn’t leave without seeking her advice, she had been right about Zygerria and the Hardeen fiasco. Her experiences undercover had granted her a strange sort of clarity that many Jedi spent their lives trying to achieve. It often reminded him of Qui-Gon, he probably would’ve gone to him for advice were he still alive...of course his thoughts would bring up Qui-Gon right now, because of course they would. The pain of his death still felt like a weight against his chest, and yet somehow the man who had dedicated himself to the light was gone, but the dark monster responsible for his death lived? 

And Maul just happened to rise out of the ashes of the darkest corners of the galaxy now, in the middle of a kriffing war? There were no coincidences in the Force, he knew, but this was really just a dirty move by the dark side. 

How could he explain his utter failure to her...to anyone? His knighthood was now based on a falsehood, in his exhausted mind it didn’t matter that he’d proven himself a capable Knight - no Master over and over again, it didn’t matter that he now sat on the Council - his braid had been severed for the simple fact that he had been the first Jedi in a milenia to kill one of the Jedi’s worst enemies. “Sithkiller” they had whispered behind his back for over a decade, he had always hated the moniker, but now he couldn’t even live up to a legend he had never wanted to be in the first place. 

If Darth Maul had indeed survived he’d be surely seeking revenge, and a simple death would be the least cruel and therefore the least likely outcome. No, Maul’s appetite would want more than that. He hadn’t been able to protect his Master from this monster when he was still a Padawan, he only hoped he’d be strong enough now as a Master to protect everyone else he loved. Obi-Wan must deal with his own personal feelings and finish what he started just as Yoda had affirmed. 

His thoughts dwelled on this as he opened the door, not bothering to ring the chime. Not that it mattered, technically speaking his hand print had been added to her lock months ago, and in this moment manners and propriety didn’t matter to him.  

He found her meditating near the balcony window, soaking up the rays of sunlight as if she were a sleek Tooka-cat. Her hair was down, which was unusual, glowing almost ethereal in the light. Her long yet strong legs were folded beneath her on the brightly colored cushion, a patchwork of various fabrics. It had been a Life Day gift from her Padawan Ferus, one of her most treasured possessions. Her feet were bare, but that was par for the course for her, she was dressed in a pair of Obi-Wan’s old Blacks that she had cut into shorts and a white undershirt that hung off her shoulders. Not for the first time Obi-Wan marveled at how comfortable she was within her own body, though with a body like hers he could hardly blame her. 

Always an enigma, Siri Tachi could simultaneously be both the most and least feminine woman Obi-Wan had ever met, she was whatever she needed to be at any given time. But, somewhere along the way she had discovered that she was able to just be Siri while with Obi-Wan likewise he never had to be anything more than Obi-Wan to her. Here he wasn’t General Kenobi, or Master  to the Chosen One, or Council Member or Sithkiller and the pressure it took off his shoulders was one of the justifications he gave for skirting the line of the Jedi code. 

Her Force presence brushed against his and he could sense her coming out of her meditation. Before she even opened her eyes she was able to pick up his emotions in the Force, she always did have a talent for reading people. 

“What’s wrong,” her voice was a bit hoarse, she must’ve overused it on her last mission. “Grievous give you the slip again?”

“What else is new?” He sighed, sitting on the back of her couch. “But no, that isn’t my current concern.” 

Two azure eyes opened and looked up at him as she unfolded herself out of the meditative stance. She stretched one of her legs up over her head and then cracked her neck. After a moment she rose to her feet and headed towards the small kitchen.

As she passed him she trailed her fingers over his cheek, he leaned into the touch. 

“Is this an ale situation or straight up whiskey?” She asked, opening the cooling unit. 

He remained silent, his thoughts were running away with him. Siri glanced at him from over her shoulder when he didn’t answer, her eyebrows furrowed in concern when she saw the haunted look on his face. 

“What did Anakin do this time?” She tried to keep things light, but her worry only grew when he remained silent at her joke. “Hey, Obi-Wan…” 

Eyes that were clearly lost in a memory looked up to meet hers, she reached out to place the back of her hand to his forehead, a part of her hoped it was something physical, that was easier to fix.

“Coruscant to Kenobi,” She softly said when she realized he didn’t have a fever. “You want to clue me into what’s going on at some point?”

Obi-Wan looked at one of his dearest friends, the person who knew him better than anyone, even on a deeper level than Anakin. A thought suddenly struck him as he looked at her, this could be his last day in the physical world. He had no idea what Maul had planned, except that he was going to be walking into an emotional (and most certainly a physical) trap. 

Without warning he placed both hands on either side of her head and covered her lips with his in a passion most wouldn’t believe Kenobi capable of. He then gracefully rose to his feet lifting her up, she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist as their embrace deepened.

After several moments of finding herself almost out of breath with his delirious kisses she reached up to his hair and pulled him back. Breathing erratic, lips swollen and their faces flushed they stared at one another. 

“Might I remind you that it was YOUR rule that we behave ourselves while we’re in the Temple.” She said between aroused breaths. “I’m definitely going to yell at myself later for stopping you, but I think it’s time you fill a girl in on what’s going on.”

He turned around so he could sit her down on the back of the couch, he moved his hands to rest on either side of her face, his thumbs gently tracing her delicate jaw. “I have to cancel our plans tonight.” 

“No shit,” she reached up and grabbed his hands, looking intently into his stormy eyes. “Obi-Wan, we promised when we started experimenting physically that we wouldn’t hide things from the other...that’s fear which leads to attachment.” 

The corner of his lips upturned. “Always bossing me around, aren’t you?”

“You’d be dead in a ditch somewhere if you were left up to your own devices my dear.” She gently ran a hand through his hair, fixing his one pesky strand that loved to fall into his eyes. “And you're still avoiding my question.”

He grabbed her hands and kissed them before placing them down on her lap. “Darth Maul is back.” 

“I’m sorry, what?” Her body stiffened. “Like, Naboo Darth Maul?” 

Obi-Wan nodded, unable to look at her. 

“Are you sure it’s really him?” She asked, suddenly feeling cold.

He shrugged. “No, it could be a faked hologram. Doesn’t matter, the people he slaughtered and is continuing the threaten are real.”

“You know it’s a trap either way.” She stated, not questioned. 

“Obviously.” 

“How did Anakin take it when he heard?” She asked, running her hands over his arms in a comforting manner.

“He doesn’t know.” 

“Obi-Wan…you promised him you’d be honest with him.” She tugged on his beard so he’d look at her. 

“He’s still avoiding me after the Hardeen mission.” He sighed. “Which right now is actually a blessing in disguise.” 

“You know he won’t let you go without him. It doesn’t matter if he’s angry with you.” She said.

He looked at her then with an intensity she had only seen on his face once before. “I will not let that monster anywhere near my Padawan.” 

Siri bit back the correction of Former Padawan and simply nodded. This was something he and Anakin would need to work out on their own. 

“Okay, so not Anakin.” She raised her hands to help calm him down. “Then who is going with you?”

“I must do this alone.” 

She stood up from the back of the couch. “No, actually you don’t! If this truly is Darth Maul he is a Sith and no Jedi should go without backup.” 

“I’ve faced him before, it’s fine Siri.” 

She pushed past him, running a frustrated hand down her face. “Are you at least taking the 212?” 

“No,” 

“Obi-Wan, I swear to the Force…” She raised an angry finger at him, but he cut her off.

“I need your help.” 

“Damn right you do, let me get dressed and we’ll leave at once.” She turned towards her bedroom, but he grabbed her wrist. 

“Siri,” his voice was frustratingly calm. She hated that he could maintain a Jedi composure at times like this and she struggled with it. 

“Don’t you dare try to talk me out of it.” She pulled her hand free. “And it’s not about my fear of losing you so don’t put that crap on me right now.” She was lying through her teeth and he knew it, but he didn’t say anything. “I’m a Jedi Shadow, my job is to go after the Sith...I should be there.” 

He nodded. “You’re right, but I have a personal request to ask of you instead.” 

“You can’t protect me like you do Anakin.” She argued.

“I need you to go to Stewjon.”

She stopped her next argument, taken by surprise. “Wait, what?”

“I have no idea what Darth Maul has planned, but I can’t bear the idea that innocent people will be hurt simply because they share my last name.” He reached out and held her. 

“Siri, I need you to watch over my family.”

[thedunesea]

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi

Summary:

The only thing I can say for sure is that Anakin talks so much I barely have time to think. Which is something I’m terribly grateful for.

Excerpts from the journal of a newly minted Jedi Knight.

I have smiled so much these past few days my facial muscles hurt. Smile for the Queen, smile for the Chancellor, smile for the cameras. Smile for Yoda and the Council.

Above all, smile for the boy.

I’ve never felt less like smiling.

I am still on Naboo. It has been three days.

I wish I could spar.

*

I am finally back at the Temple; I suppose an entry is in order.

I would never have thought

It began When we It happened

I find I am at loss.

With all my belief in the power of words, I’m beginning to think that some things just cannot be conveyed. Perhaps it’s for the better: let memories, sensations and emotions fade into the Force. Maybe, if never put into words, they will one day hurt less.

Who am I trying to fool?

Stick to the facts, one could say, but it’s an exercise in futility. Naboo Security has provided the Archives with footing of the whole incident; there is no need for me to write down what happened. By the way, I have not seen the footage; I think I never will. At any rate, its testimony is certainly more reliable than mine: my memories are but a red blur.

The only thing I can say for sure is that Anakin talks so much I barely have time to think. Which is something I’m terribly grateful for.

Oh, here he comes.

*

And so it began: today we had our meeting with the Council of First Knowledge to devise a course plan for Anakin. I feel for him: coursework was hard enough for me, his schedule is going to be a nightmare. I suppose Dex will get more than his usual share of Jedi founds over the next few months: the least I can do is give the boy some treats.

Another thing that came out of the meeting was that, apparently, slaying a Sith Lord in mortal combat makes you qualify not only for Knighthood but for lightsaber classes too. Master Drallig’s schedule is full, so he will just teach Anakin the basic drills. The rest falls upon me.

When I brought the outcome of the meeting before the High Council for approval, Master Windu proposed to have Anakin join the Initiates classes, and I found myself forced to take exception. Just imagine, me going against the Master of the Order.

I said I wouldn’t subject the boy to what he will inevitably perceive as humiliating, being taught with children half his age. A Jedi shall know no pride, I know, but Anakin is not a Jedi yet. In time he will learn. I am glad that Master Gallia and Master Koon sided with me; in the end, even Yoda agreed.

It looks like I’m taking up the mantle of maverick, doesn’t it? Wherever you are, Master, I hoper you’re having a good laugh.

Ah. I was almost forgetting. Satine sent condolences. It’s hard to tell from a hologram, but she looked well. I do hope she is happy.

*

I already spoke of the perks of slaying a Sith Lord in mortal combat. Today I discovered the downside.

Sparring triggers memories. In hindsight it shouldn’t have been a surprise, but it was, and a most unwelcome one.

I would never have thought I would say this, but thank the Force I was sparring with Vos, and not with Garen or Tachi. Apparently, Quin’s line of work has somehow managed to put some tact in him; this is something I can’t say for either Garen or Siri.

Of course Quin’s first thought was the Mind Healers, but he agreed with me that some people on the Council would jump at the excuse to reassess my suitability as a Master, and this is something I can’t allow to happen.

Still, I need to fix this issue before I start one-on-one training with Anakin: he needs a Master in control. So in control I will be.

It is somewhat contrary to the point, but I wish I could just go out and get drunk.

Actually I could - Vos thinks I should, and who else is surprised? - but with all the coursework Anakin has we barely see each other during the day. I am not going to leave him alone in the evenings too. Besides, only the Force knows what kind of mechanical devilry I might find upon my return. No, better stay home and keep an eye on the boy.

*

Garen tells me I look better; Siri Tachi – and I’m quoting here – says I look like shit. Bant just sighs. Reeft, of course, just eats.

It seems my mirror agrees with Tachi: I can’t say I liked what I saw when I shaved this morning. Maybe I should eat more.

I certainly should sleep more. Incidentally, Anakin and I make for a fine pair of insomniacs. When I woke up tonight - I don’t even need to say what I was dreaming of - I found him tampering with a droid on the couch. I can’t fathom how he managed to turn our living room into a dumpster in less than a week. I suppose he’s not used to having this many things around. Anyway, it comes out he has trouble sleeping: he says he has always had, for as long as he remembers. It doesn’t surprise me: his connection to the Force is impressive. Overwhelming, even, and dreams are an obvious outlet for the abilities he repressed for so long. In time, as he learns control, they will pass.

One of my suspicions turned out to be true: indeed, Anakin seems to find his peace of mind in tinkering with mechanical objects. Peculiar, to say the least. He showed me how to reprogram a vocabulator to make it compatible with non-droid units. The result is that our fridge now starts speaking every time we open the fruit compartment. For some reason, it only speaks Shyriiwook. It’s quite entertaining, to be honest. I hope our laughing fits didn’t wake our neighbours in the middle of the night.

Even after all this, though, Anakin didn’t want to tell me what he dreamed of. I believe it was his mother.

I wish I could say I don’t know how it feels to miss a parental figure.

*

Today I lost my Padawan. We lasted together little more than three weeks.

I blame the debacle on astronavigation, my archenemy of old. It was clear from the start that Anakin doesn’t share my belief that flying is for droids, so asking Garen to tutor him seemed the natural choice. What I gained for my troubles was that Garen put the boy in a starfighter, and now they’ve been gone for hours.

Thit is the reason why I write this journal in the first place: I learn from my own history so I’m not doomed to repeat it. I will introduce Anakin to Vos when I’m dead.

On the other hand, I’m looking forward to introducing him to Tachi. Garen says Anakin is cute, and I must admit he is endearing: I’m sure he will manage to thaw even Siri’s icy heart, and I will enjoy every second of it.

The nightmares don’t stop, neither for me nor for Anakin. I’m getting sick of all that red.

*

I really wished Qui-Gon was here.

I’m not sure I’m ready for this Padawan business, and I have no idea how to deal with Anakin’s nightmares. He won’t tell me what they are about, he won’t meditate. We just spend our nights tinkering. It’s not how it should be done. I am afraid I’ll soon start spoiling him rotten. Look at me, Jedi Knight of the Republic, fussing over a child like a mother hen.

I should ask for help, I know I should, but I can’t risk the Council taking Anakin away from me. I promised I would train him, and I will.

I even tried searching the HoloNet for “Force-sensitives nightmares”. Well, the results certainly made for an entertaining read; apparently, there is a Corellian Heavy-Isotop band named Force Nightmare. I had to laugh at my own folly, but self-pity will get me nowhere. Neither will all this caf, and I even hate the stuff, but I barely sleep and what else am I supposed to do?

All in all, today is not a good day.

I can’t even spar, and no amount of meditation seems to change that.

I lost control again in the Halls. Quin said I scared him.

All I see when I ignite my saber is red.

*

Shall I start from the good news or the bad?

Let’s start with the good news, laced with a little optimism. I spoke to Master Drallig: I had to. Anakin can’t be taught by a Master who goes on a murderous spree every time he lays his hand on a weapon. Master Drallig believes it will pass; according to him, it is a common occurrence in such a scenario. I don’t know how “common” applies to the scenario “Master killed by a Sith Lord”, but I will defer to Master Drallig’s wisdom, of course.

The bad news is, he told me he believes that what triggers my memories is my using the same moves Master Qui-Gon and I used during the duel. He believes that switching to another saber form could provide a solution, at least for the moment.

Needless to say, I’m not particularly happy with the idea. Ataru in our lineage goes back to Yoda himself, and almost everything I know on lightsaber combat I owe to Qui-Gon’s training. Switching to another form tastes like betrayal.

Well, a Jedi’s lot is to learn how to let go. For the moment, I will settle on “learn how to pretend to have let go”.

I am summoned to the Halls of Training next week to see what form will suit me best.

*

First day out with my Padawan.

I never thought about what visiting Coruscant for the first time could feel like; Anakin was in awe.

Unfortunately, the awe soon morphed into a crazed frenzy.

Where he stores all that energy - or the ice-cream, the candies and the two cheeseburgers he ate, for that matters - is beyond me.

Dex loved him. I am exhausted.

I think I’m going to sleep twelve hours straight.

Maybe tonight we won’t dream.

*

A Jedi shall know no pride. A Jedi, though, still knows humiliation, and going through katas weaponless because I’m afraid of myself was the epitome of humiliating.

Shii-Cho we didn’t even try. Soresu is not my style: too static and, I must say, a form focused on defence becomes boring soon enough. Juyo, the style of aggression, is out of the question. Shien is off the table too: I’d sooner be dead than use the revers grip all its practitioners seem to favor. It’s ugly. Master Drallig says I am vain; I suppose no one is perfect.

As for Djem-So, I don’t have the brute force it requires.

Unexpectedly, I found Nieman much to my liking: double wielding is perhaps a little flamboyant but, if done right, Form VI is well-balanced, physically challenging and aesthetically pleasing. I think I will give it a try: I could even use Qui-Gon’s crystal for the shoto.

What surprised me most, though, is Master Drallig’s verdict: he believes I would be proficient in Makashi, no less. It’s a pity Master Dooku left the Order; I am not party to the specifics, but I seem to understand Qui-Gon’s death played a role in his decision. Be it as it may, Master Drallig himself offered to tutor me as soon as the Initiate term is over: I was speechless for a good ten seconds. I like Makashi fine, but I must admit I’m not looking forward to specialize in a form meant for saber-to-saber combat. I’ve had my share of duels with Force-wielders for a lifetime. Besides, if the Sith are really never more than two, what odds are there I will have to confront the other too?

We shall see what form the Force has in store for me.

In the meantime, I promised Anakin I would take him to the theater tonight. I must go get ready.

*

Now that I know, I wish I didn’t.

Anakin’s shields are not yet strong enough and our morning meditation betrayed him.

Apparently, the Naboo Security didn’t think a child was out of place in their headquarters, especially not the child who had blown up the mother ship. They didn’t pay him any mind, and he slipped in as they watched the security recordings: he saw it all.

I saw his dreams. It was him behind the ray shield, and me in the generator core.

It was the first time in my life I had to comfort a crying child. By the end of it, I was more distressed than he was. When at last he stopped crying he hugged me and thanked me and sauntered away towards the next droid adventure. Children.

Me, on the contrary, he left behind with words that will haunt me for a long time.

Master, will you leave me alone too?

*

I can’t stop thinking about Anakin’s nightmares. Too focused on my own grief, on my own loss, I never fully grasped the extent of his loneliness. True, I lost Qui-Gon, and before him I lost Tahl. But I still have Quinlan, Luminara, Bant, Reeft, Garen, Siri. I have Master Yoda, Master Windu, Master Drallig. Master Koon and Master Gallia. Ali-Alann.

The whole Order.

And then I have Dex and Guerra Derida and many more friends across the Galaxy.

I have Satine.

Anakin has only me. I can’t imagine how the fear of being left alone in the world must be eating at him.

I will not let him go through what happened to me.

I will not fail him.

His fate will not be the same as mine.

*

In the end the choice wasn’t even a choice. Soresu it is.

My survival has just become of the utmost importance - not that it wasn’t before, of course, I like life well enough, but now is paramount.

A Jedi wields is lightsaber in defence, and in defending me I’m defending my Padawan as well.

Perhaps Soresu is the most Jedi-like form of all.

*

I spent so much time in the Training Halls I didn’t even realize I haven’t been writing for two weeks.

It was worth it.

Today my defeat was my triumph.

Predictably, Vos wiped the floor with me, but I managed to see the duel to its end without lashing out at my opponent. On second thought, I should have: he isn’t taking my commitment to Soresu seriously. He says I’m too flashy for it. I’ll show him flashy in a year, and that’s a promise. Oh, and don’t even get me started on his uncivilized innuendos - or, well, straight out crudities - on the Way of the Mynock.

Of course my form was appalling; I wasn’t defeated before the minute’s mark only because I threw in the mix a great deal of Shii-Cho and, to my utmost delight, some Ataru as well. There is much room for improvement, but I’m getting the feel of it.

I must say that Form III looks versatile. Perhaps I’ll manage turning it into something actually entertaining: I am not going to let my Padawan see lightsaber training as a boring endeavour. Soresu itself will have to adapt to our recreational needs.

I’m looking forward to teach Anakin all I know and all I will learn over the next years. I want him to see how much delight is to be found in the Force - and in sparring, of course.

Master Drallig is right: I sound vain and arrogant, but today I just can’t find it in myself to indulge in self-flagellation: it just feels so good to be able to spar again.

It feels good to be looking forward to something again.

[clairen45]

Planets and Star Wars ... an ask

Ok, dear, @jd1234fan, for some weird reason I am not able to answer your ask, but I managed to capture it and will address it. This is the message I got:

Thank you so much for reaching out and the kind words. They are deeply appreciated!  This is all good. Of course you are supposed to think of the planets in terms of symbolism for states of minds or states of beings, internal conflicts and the evolution within the psyche of the characters. And you understood it beautifully.

I think it is highly revealing that they have Rey and Kylo meet, as you point it out, in such a classic fairy tale environment. This is a place that has achieved perfect balance in terms of environment. It is the ideal. And this is where they meet. Not Finn and Rey. But Rey and Kylo. The balance planet, the dream, the ideal. Because that’s the goal, and there is no other place where they could have met, not even Jakku when they actually got so close to each other and where their near proximity sets everything in motion. But had they met in Jakku for real, I would not have given much about the outcome of their relationship. But it did not happen this way. And they chose the most perfect background for the core couple.

About planet symbolism, and if you are interested, I will if you don’t mind, point you towards different metas I posted on this topic. References and some extracts. Sorry, if it appears disjointed

Meeting in the forest: Comparing TFA with Legend by Ridley Scott-part 2

Their first ever meeting takes place on Takodana, in an environment, that, in a way, strikes as totally alien for both of them. Neither seems to belong there, and with their costumes (a far cry from Endor camouflages attire in ROTJ), they stick out like sore thumbs. He has been established as belonging in the darkness and high technology environment of the First Order, she has been established in the blank page of a desert, and has never seen such green in her life before. And since we first discover this place through Rey’s eyes, it is truly depicted as a fairy tale, an enchanted, Eden-like environment, complete with a lake and a castle. I will even add that it is a forest that is for the audience eerily familiar. There was no attempt at creating an imaginary forest with bizarre plants and creatures. The point is not only to keep the focus on the characters but also to put them, for us, in a very identifiable context,something that taps into our universal conscience. We are in the woods, a no man’s land, rich with subtext and infinite literary plots, in a place that marks boundaries between light and dark, culture and nature. We know these woods, we have read so much about them before, heard countless stories. Brought together by fate in a set that has been ripped out of the pages of a fairy tale book, Kylo and Rey become, de facto, fairy tale characters.

More on Takodana and the Edenic planets: I was flabbergasted to discover that my entire essay on Visions of Paradise has apparently totally disappeared. I am guessing due to the inclusion of “BLUSH” paintings of naked freaking Adam and Eve!!!! I am shocked, but I will repost it. Not even a notice to warn me about that!!!This is an extract in the meantime:

VISIONS OF PARADISE

Each FIRST installment of the trilogies presents us with a lost paradise: Naboo in the PT, Alderaan in the OT, Takodana in the ST. What do all these worlds have in common?: lush greenery, water, lakes, waterfalls, gorgeous castles or castle-like structures.

They are also most decidedly the place of the mother, a stance that strays from the male-centric vision of a Garden ruled by God the Father and Adam, the creature made in His image. Naboo, Alderaan, and Takodana are literally and/or symbolically ruled by female figures: the elected Queen of Naboo, Padmé Amidala; Queen Breha Organa on Alderaan; Maz Kanata on Takodana. In the symbolic of Star Wars, these three women are mother or godmother figures: Padmé is the mother of Luke and Leia, Breha Organa is the adoptive mother of Leia, and Maz plays a bit the role of a fairy godmother to Rey, by giving her the saber and her advice.

What do these places of paradise also have in common?: they get smashed, right off the bat, by conflicts, attacks, war, utter destruction in Alderaan’s case. Every paradise is a paradise lost… Moreover, these visions of paradise, like the Garden of Eden, actually already hold the seed to their own destruction, they are not as guiltless as one might presume: Naboo is already rife with inner conflicts between the Naboo and the Gungan, and the core of the pristine and exquisitely civilized home to the city of Theed is peopled by devouring monsters; Alderaan (that Leia presents as peaceful) is probably a spy nest plotting the Empire’s destruction (rightfully, but still, not as innocent as portrayed); and Takodana’s castle is actually Mos Eisley Cantina glossed-over with a castle, a derelict version of the past splendour of Naboo and Alderaan. 

So, to sum up, the vision we get of paradise in EVERY trilogy of the saga is that of the homeplace, the womb, the place of the mother, destroyed or attacked, and the characters forced to leave it behind, or snatched away from it. It is the classic myth of coming of age, with the initial trauma of being separated from the mother, something that you could link with the article I wrote about the metaphor of growing up in Star Wars.

There are also some interesting differences of course. Naboo and Alderaan are intimately connected with two leading female characters: it is the birthplace of Padmé, and the adoptive home of Leia, a place that they both see as a happy place, with lots of fond childhood memories (in Padmé’s case explicitely in AOTC). For both women, it is also a place they will never be able to come home to, because it is ultimately connected with death. Padmé wanted to give birth to her child on Naboo, but will only come back as a corpse.

For Leia, it is the death of her entire adoptive family, and the annihilation of the whole planet as a test to the new power of the Death Star. As the first released version of Paradise in  Star Wars (albeit not chronologically for the story), Alderaan is actually really interesting: this was a Paradise that we were meant to never see, the Paradise that was promised but never attained, as we watched with horror, along with Leia, the destruction of a planet that we did not know one thing of, but that she described as a peaceful place. It took the brief glimpse at the end of the PT, in ROTS, to see what Alderaan looks like.

Takodana, on the other hand, has nothing to do with any of the leading characters, not even with the main female character. As far as we know at this point, this is not her home planet or a planet linked to her childhood or her family. It is irrelevant to her personal background. Yet, it is clearly presented to Rey as a vision of Paradise, and becomes “incidentally”  the place where she gets her first brush with the Force (through Anakin’s lightsaber) and gets to meet Kylo Ren.

So, to come back to the notion of Paradise, in the Biblical story, and in Milton’s poem, when you think of Paradise, you think of Adam and Eve. And, as far as the shoe fits, this can only seem to apply to Naboo and Takodana… with twists. Padmé and Anakin do NOT meet in Paradise, they meet on his homeplanet, Tatooine, that hardly qualifies to the title (sand…. yuck…). PM ends with both of them on Naboo though, during the celebration after the victory against the droid army. When they meet again, it is on Coruscant (not Paradise, obviously). But for them as a couple, Naboo is the place where they fall in love, share a first kiss, and eventually get married (and have sex…one can only assume…).

Adam and Eve seem at first glance a non-issue in the OT, even though, if you really want to nitpick, the fact that Han and Leia do share the last kiss of the movie in a forest has to mean something on some level. I will argue later that there is a rewriting of Adam and Eve, but with a variation.

In the ST, though, the Adam and Eve subtext is obviously back by having Rey and Kylo meet in a forest on a place that is designed as a vision of Paradise insofar as it reminds us visually of the planets that have so far represented Paradise in this universe.

And even more as the characters are clearly construed (admittedly by the cast and directors) as two halves. If Eve is most of the time represented as being formed with Adam’s rib, some have argued that there was a misunderstanding or a mistake in translation and that she was actually “a side of” Adam, aka his half (hence, my better half when talking about your spouse…). Much has been said about the fact that Kylo departs this place symbolically claiming Rey as his bride: by carrying her in his arms and insisting that he has all that he needs. Eve is also all that Adam needed, the one that was meant to be his.

Visions of Hell about Mustafar and likewise planets:Visions of Hell…

And of course about Crait: Blood and Sand on Crait: the Bull and the Matador… and a story of Blood in the SW movies

Crait and Symbolism: blood, wounds, salt, foxes, the mother and the nest.

I really like the way you felt that the aridity and “masculinity” of Jakku meant that Rey needs to find out about womanhood. Yes, that is definitely part of the journey. Instead of masculinity, I would myself rather envision the arid planets of Jakku and Tatooine as the white page, the blank space where a story needs to be written. A void is what it is. The main difference between Tatooine in the OT and Jakku in the ST is that in the OT we were indeed starting on a totally empty page, with no preconceived ideas about the world we were going to discover, or the characters we were about to follow. In Jakku, very poetically, this blank page is “polluted”, or distracted, by the corpses and remains of the OT world, the Imperial destroyers, the mementos of the past... As it should be. Because we, as an audience, are not a blank space anymore when it comes to SW. We know of some stuff. And this stuff jumps onto the page and our interpretation of the story constantly... And like Rey, we have been going about, shelling carcasses of the story for a very long time, between the end of the OT, as well as the PT, before finally accessing new material...

[rnarvelboi]

rnarvelboi’s mobile fic rec mp

updated: 07/24/18 this masterpost WILL NOT work on laptops/pcs. i’ve tried but nothing will solve the problem and i refuse to go through and relink every one of these fics because i spent hours putting together this original post and im exhuasted lmao. if you’re NOT on mobile click HERE :))

luke alvez x reader (criminal minds)

by @butsomeofusarelookingatthestars

biting the bullet

take me out

one moment

couples therapy 2

“…falling in love with my best friend”

unshaken

…the proposal

addicted to love

by @nelsonsmurdock

god only knows

claw marks

sugar daddy

good morning

making you jealous headcanon

missed by @writefasttalkevenfaster on my mind by @madamredwrites a kiss that shouldn’t have happened by @merlxn-emrys

spencer reid x reader (criminal minds)

by @wrecklessimagine

dermatillomania

anything

trip

breaking (part one) / and entering (part two)

soft hands

by @mentallydatingspencerreid

because i love you

conflict resolution

dare?

jealous

fearful

by @dontshootmespence

did you hear me?

hands off

a sudden change

by @nelsonsmurdock

not afraid anymore

real life

lolita / real life

by @bookofreid

love in numbers / part two

perfect timing

the doctor & the artist

fortune teller

avoidance

long way down

handle yourself

by @spencerdamnreid

undercover discovery

let me help

by @brywrites

love looks not with the eyes 

model behavior 

the reid effect part one / part two

close to you

model behavior

by @criminaldaddies

closer 

forever

drunken make out? by @make-me-imagine just let me explain by @the-criminal-soldier touchy-feely by @thelovelylittlestorythatcould nerves by @thorne93 for the sake of a kiss by @totalfanfreak four years by @ughthatimagineblog torturous by @irwinsos snowbound by @criminal-minds-fanfiction

matthew gray gubler x reader

by @wrecklessimagine

“i tried my best…”

modeling

sex scene

twelve years younger

by @mentallydatingspencerreid

turnaround

standing out in a crowd

poe dameron x reader (star wars)

by @leiaorga-na

frustration

general ‘matchmaker’ organa

by @kboogie09

galactic soulmates

deal?

crazy in love

something else

by @justauthoring

when youre back

not today

help us out

thoughts betray you

five versus one

help us out

tired of your games

by @warqueenfuriosa

on flying and falling

kissing sweetly

my heart is yours

contact

by @certifiedskywalker

not enough time

snoozing

by @theincredibleultron

putty in your hands

you’re a skywalker?

five times you kissed poe dameron

10 things i hate about you

by @shenanigans-and-imagines

i could kiss you right now

i mean it

by @poedameronstories

motivation

stay

left unsaid / what remains / confrontations by @rqgnarok kissing by @buckyskywalks interrupted day off by @secretlyheatherchandler sarcasm by @x-dudes worth the wait by @fanfic-shiz two pieces of a whole by @we-are-all-obsessed-here black leader, shutting up by @parker-peter-parker trust me by @hairringtonsteve “why are you crying” by @whirlybirbs nothing more than a pretty face by @theonewiththefanfics

kylo ren x reader (star wars)

by @azurakenway

ask me a question (ben solo)

that’s no way to speak to your senator (ben solo)

watch my heart burn

protector of the apprentice

healing hands

‘did you enjoy the sight of me kneeling before you’

fallen in love

long live the supreme leader

red or black

across the stars (ben solo)

by @kyloholic

royal pains (ben solo)

clumsy (ben solo)

the supreme and his queen

divide and unite

professor ren series

by @justauthoring

come back (ben solo)

just tired (ben solo)

by @bad--bad--man  (masterlist)

pretty baby

ben sorenn, you liar

always

its my destiny

by @theindifferentdroid  

mad sounds pt 2

kiss on a dare

by @itsaconquestofimagination  

sugar, we're going down

killing me softly

keep in the dark

an unlikely hero

classroom ship (ben solo)

jealous kiss (solo triplets! kylo)

bliss by @darth-dre truly special by @chaostheoryy   somnum exterreri by @loverbug1123   slow burn by @tricksters-captain   pickup lines by @kylo-renegade   till the light burns out by @softestsolo nsfw alphabet by @whirlybirbs   red by @the-new-fanfic-order   discovered by @absolutekylotrash in my head (ben solo) by @leiaorga-na bonded / ii / iii / iv by @wandering-at-midnight

han solo x reader (star wars)

a ridiculous idea by @imaginethestarwars   we’ve got problems by @astxrwar   confession by @sincerelysaraahh

armitage hux x reader (star wars)

by @callmewinchester  

fortitude

iunctus

by @whirlybirbs  

nsfw alphabet

hux sex headcanons

by @azurakenway  

little bird

caretaker

open up to me by @the-new-fanfic-order   never again by @chaostheoryy   golden slumbers by @idontgiveahux   adulterer by @rosalynbair   cat and mouse by @silentwanderlustfanfiction never a good time by @silentwanderlustfanfiction  courage by @accio-zara iron by @zerohuxgiven resolution by @belikesnowbeautifulbutcold21 summoned by @natxpat

dylan o’brien x reader

by @cxddlyash  

the gun range

doggie play date

theo raeken x reader (teen wolf)

hey babygirl by @rememberstilinski  

derek hale x reader (teen wolf)

by @helplesslyinlovewithcharacters 

atrocious 

good enough

sorry to my unknown lover

compared to you

patience

by @perterhale

you are good

make this last

skin

by @fvckingbuchanan

my alpha 

always an us

by @thegreatficmaster

dreams come true

love when you smell like me

play with me alpha by @thelittlehalewolf trained to fight by @stilinskiimagines tidal waves by @spxderbarnes how perfect by @urwarriorangel age restriction by @huntersanonymous taking care by @honestly-lahey watch it by @snipsnsnailsnwerewolftales

issac lahey x reader (teen wolf)

by @maximoff-pan

dating issac lahey (and being a witch)would include

dating issac lahey (and being a mccall) would include

bucky barnes x reader (marvel)

by @ballyhoobarnes

man’s best friend

study break

by @bbbarneswrites

russian muses

mended hearts

by @leiaorga-na

sparks fly

avoiding

‘best friends’

easy a by @imagine-assembling-the-avengers rooftop confessions by @sebbies   attacked by @theincredibleultron   reward (ft. matt murdock) by @persephone-is-here-omg @irndad ‘s bucky fic masterlist within the smoke by @revengingbarnes fight for you by @revengingbarnes touch by @starrywriting broken by @gaybybirth   two haunted souls by @buckybarnesstar three’s company (ft. steve) by @sugardaddytonystark self defense by @marvelfic   marks by @marvelfic like real people do by @bucketbarneslove

sebastian stan x reader

by @marvel-midtown

private people

bad at love

next door 

no script by @revengingbarnes

matthew murdock x reader (marvel)

warm as the devil by @james-wesleys-sassy-eyebrow  

tony stark x reader (marvel)

press coverage / less coverage by @astxrwar  

steve rogers x reader (marvel)

hands to myself by @leiaorga-na “are you sorry now” by @prettyyoungtragedy coup de foudre by @mattymattymerduck

peter parker x reader (marvel)

by @softboy-holland

badass princess

just a kid

raspberry popsicles

broom closets by @leiaorga-na personal by @peterparker-imagines the mind reader by @strangershield euphemisms by @vinyloider thigh riding by @donttellpeterparker until you fell by @anakin-skywalkers four times by @dej-okay breathe by @something-fanfiction-ie online nemesis by @peterpcrkcr  new light by @marvelellie

tom holland x reader 

by @loserparker 

distance 

messy 

kissing me by @marvel-midtown   wanna taste by @valar--m0rghulis  honest by @theironholland

frank castle x reader (marvel)

by @avengersandlovers

the breakfast table

leather and lace

bad together by @anakin-skywalkers troublemaker by @astxrwar couldn’t take it anymore by @propertyofpoeandbucky tired by @castawaybarnes

jason todd x reader (dc)

by @maruthor  

precious asshole

disbelief

i’m just a monster by @dc-hoe always by @yj-tt-batfam-forlife you’d do that for me? by @maybe-its-5sos jason making is s/o cry by @angstytodd jason fucking todd by @alphaabucky

dick grayson x reader (dc)

by @dc-hoe

i don’t have anyone

i missed you

pleasure and ice

by @maruthor  

they never told you / they never told him

one more chance

play pretend by @sheismental   a quiet night by @dccomicsimagines   love by @angstytodd   electric currents by @dccomicsimagines

bruce wayne x reader (dc)

five am light / ten pm glow by @astxrwar for worse / for better / until death do us part by @soriseerakyra sneaky bastard by @ellana-ravenwood mind the gap by @maybe-its-5sos

clyde logan x reader (logan lucky)

to love a writer by @bad--bad--man room 1604 by @adumbdryer curse the cauliflower by @emmytypes

[gffa]

One of the reasons I haven’t read as much fic lately as I would like is because some of the STAR WARS novels have been absolutely killing it with how enjoyable and satisfying they are! While my fic recs are always and forever recs(rather than reviews), I wanted to do some book reviews. They can function much like recs, though, and I would love to encourage more people to read them along with me, they have some incredible moments, whether adorable or heartbreaking or hilarious or just plain awesome. If you need a fix of something to read or just want a place to start, maybe this can help start you on the path! STAR WARS NOVELS: ✦ Ahsoka by E.K. Johnston, ahsoka & ocs, 400 pages ✦ Wild Space by Karen Miller, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & bail & cast, 354 pages ✦ Thrawn by Timothy Zahn, thrawn & governor pryce & ocs & yularen & cast, 448 pages ✦ Leia, Princess of Alderaan by Claudia Gray, leia & bail/breha & cast, 416 pages ✦ Phasma by Delilah S. Dawson, phasma & brendol hux & cast, 400 pages ✦ Catalyst: A Rogue One Novel by James Luceno, galen/lyra & jyn & krennic & tarkin, 352 pages ✦ Bloodline by Claudia Grey, leia & ocs, 352 pages ✦ Moving Target: A Princess Leia Adventure by Cecil Castellucci and Jason Fry, leia & ocs, 240 pages ✦ The Weapon of a Jedi: A Luke Skywalker Adventure by Jason Fry, luke & ocs, 192 pages ✦ Rogue One: A Star Wars Story by Alexander Freed, jyn & cassian & bodhi & baze & chirrut & k2so & galen & krennic & cast, 336 pages ✦ Lone Wolf by Abel G. Peña, obi-wan & luke, 76 pages ✦ The Hive by Steven Barnes, obi-wan & ocs, [short story] ✦ Guardian of the Whills by Greg Rucka, chirrut & baze & ocs, 240 pages ✦ Secrets of the Jedi by Jude Watson, obi-wan/siri & anakin/padme & qui-gon & adi gallia & cast, 208 pages ✦ The Force Awakens: Rey’s Story by Elizabeth Schaefer, rey & cast, 128 pages full recs under the cut!

STAR WARS NOVELS: ✦ Ahsoka by E.K. Johnston, ahsoka & ocs, 400 pages    Following her experiences with the Jedi and the devastation of Order 66, Ahsoka is unsure she can be part of a larger whole ever again. But her desire to fight the evils of the Empire and protect those who need it will lead her right to Bail Organa, and the Rebel Alliance.    About the only criticism of this book that I’ve ever seen that held any water with me is: NEEDS TO BE A DOZEN BOOKS LONG. It can’t possibly cover everything of Ahsoka’s story, not even just the time focused on her finding her way again back to a purpose in the galaxy at large, to how she finds her desire to fight again after she left the Jedi, but I thought it did a really good job of covering as much ground as it could about that time in her life. My other caveat is that I don’t think the “bleeding” crystals was done as well as it could have been, it took me a long time to come around on that through other material, but rereads don’t bother me as much. That’s it, that’s all I can think to nitpick about this book, because it’s absolutely in my top ten favorites and does such justice to this character I love so much. The mentions of Obi-Wan and Anakin were spot on, both hilarious and so true that it made my fannish heart ache–there’s a reason I’ve quoted this book a few dozen times! It nailed those two and the way Ahsoka saw them! But it’s also a book that has to do a lot of worldbuilding without losing sight of the story it’s telling, the character journey Ahsoka goes on, and how she finds her way again.    And, oh, I enjoyed that part of the story so much. I enjoyed that she connected with people, that she maybe had feelings for a girl (who definitely had feelings for her), I enjoyed that she didn’t immediately know what she wanted to do or where to go, but when the Empire came, she couldn’t walk away, she couldn’t do nothing, because this was where she was supposed to be. Ahsoka may not be a Jedi anymore, but in some ways she’s a Jedi more than ever, she’s in touch with the Force and her path more than ever. The grief she’s slammed with when she feels the lights go out in the galaxy as the Jedi are murdered, the sadness at how lost and alone she is are beautifully done. All of it was a solid, engaging, feelings-laden read, with moments of absolute greatness that really shone. It’s a book that I think I could reread someday (I’m not a big rereader of things) and absolutely on my list of recommended Star Wars books in general, and a must-read for fans of Ahsoka’s character. ✦ Wild Space by Karen Miller, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & bail & cast, 354 pages    When Senator Bail Organa reveals explosive intelligence that could turn the tide of war in the Republic’s favor, the Jedi Master agrees to accompany him to an obscure planet on the Outer Rim to verify the facts.    I had a hard time figuring out what to ultimately say about this book, because I loved it a lot… but not precisely in the way I expected to. I think the best way to put it is: It’s not a very strong story, but it’s an incredible collection of character moments. If you’re looking for something to quote or just to spend some time with the characters, then this book is going to be a lot of fun!   It took me awhile to put my finger on my biggest problems with the book, but I think my #1 frustration was: The first half of the book was absolutely amazing, it was catching us up to speed on the moments around the Clone War starting on Geonosis, it dealt with the aftermath of Anakin losing his arm, of the rift that had grown between him and Obi-Wan, how they work on trying to bridge it back, how Anakin deals with the first days of Ahsoka being his Padawan and her observations on the Obi-Wan/Anakin relationship, and Obi-Wan discovering yet another plot that needs taking care of. There’s some great h/c where Anakin just about loses his mind when Obi-Wan is injured, there’s some great banter, there’s some really fascinating parallels between Obikin and Anidala (and several Obianidala hints, if you want to see them that way), and so much more nuance about the PT Jedi’s role in the war than I’m used to seeing!    All of that was great. It takes up about the first half of the book, then the war separates Obi-Wan and Anakin, they go off in different directions, and the plot shifts to focus on Obi-Wan and Bail Organa working together to uncover a Sith plot. And that’s where things just sort of fizzle for me–because it starts promisingly! So much debate between Obi-Wan and Bail! So much nuance and so many quotes I’m going to pull from it! Awesome! And their storyline builds up really nicely, culminating in them crashing on a Sith planet and having this arduous trek to get help. Still awesome! Obi-Wan is a goddamned tank in this part of the book, he’s under constant physical and mental assault and he still keeps going, the amount of damage he can take and still keep fighting was awe-inspiring! I am all for this!    But then it just kind of… ended. The entire second half of the book (which felt like a separate book from the first half) was a three day walk across some deserted planet. It was a long, grueling slog of a walk and the writing does justice to that, but… that’s it. They get to the Sith shrine and it’s over in a handful of pages. There’s plenty of cool character moments on this walk, but I never felt like Obi-Wan and Bail actually earned their new friendship, they hardly talked about anything other than “We have to rest.” “No, we have to keep going.” And there was hardly any actual action, the plot was just sort of thinly there to provide long sections of whump writing. Which made me feel that… as a story, it wasn’t put together that well, it was the strength of the author’s take on Obi-Wan’s character and the relationships he has that really made the book an interesting read for me.    That said, it’s absolutely and totally worth it for every moment between Obi-Wan and Anakin, while it started out with me making some unsure faces (because I don’t buy for once second that Obi-Wan would have been fooled about Anakin and Padme ending their relationship), by the end I was entirely onboard with these moments, the depth the author added to their relationship, the moments of insight that felt spot on, the subtle undercurrents or the things that smacked me in the face (like the realization that Obi-Wan didn’t know the content of Anakin’s dreams, that they were dangerous, rather than regular dreams) or just gave me a lot of feelings about how co-dependent they could be with each other. It’s a great book for getting a better understanding of Obi-Wan’s point of view while still keeping him distant from those around him, it does a great job with showing the weight of his thoughts and feelings while keeping his iron will intact. And it really is entirely, entirely worth the read for the Old Married Couple banter between Obi-Wan and Anakin! ✦ Thrawn by Timothy Zahn, thrawn & governor pryce & ocs & yularen & cast, 448 pages    “I study the art of war. Work to perfect it.” —Grand Admiral Thrawn    Reintroducing a character like Thrawn to the current canon of Star Wars can be tricky, especially after the character was already introduced via season three of Rebels, now Zahn had to write backstory for him. But this book was everything I could have asked for from it–it was an engaging story all on its own, but also that it balanced having little nods and winks to old EU canon with keeping firmly in the now, that this is still a character who needs establishing in this version of continuity. This book also does a really good job of showing Thrawn’s point of view, which isn’t easy with a character like this, one who is always supposed to be at least three steps ahead of everyone else, but I enjoyed every moment of it and I found the character to be incredibly engaging and charismatic, in that sense of how I always wanted to be reading more about him. I read through this book fairly quickly and while it was perfectly paced for what it was, I also found myself thinking that I would very easily read another five in a series of books about this character from this author and that I hope there really is a sequel in the works!    A good chunk of the book is also dedicated to Governor Arihnda Pryce, we get to see her go from being reasonably morally decent to where she is in Rebels and she’s fascinating for it! While I still was more interested in Thrawn, by the end of the book, I saw what she brought to the table of this story and how everything was solidly woven together and so I don’t begrudge her being there at all! (Plus, it’s hard to begrudge a female character getting in on the titular character’s action, when I’ve seen so many male characters do the same to female central characters.) The use of the OCs was also nicely done and I came to care about Eli Vanto by the end, I enjoyed his character and seeing Thrawn through his eyes as well! But, yes, ultimately this was Thrawn’s backstory and the tale of his rise through the ranks to Grand Admiral of the Imperial Navy and it very much hit all the notes I wanted it to hit.    By the end of the story, it had caught my imagination (I spent a few minutes wondering what it would have been like had Thrawn been on the other side), I found that I liked the explanation for his character, why he joined and worked so hard for the Empire, the way he dealt with people, that he could have such honor and morals, while still doing terrible things, while still absolutely being a villain. For all that he’s very thoughtful and engaging, for all that Thrawn values lives, I don’t think the book ever forgot that he was ruthless and would not hesitate when it came to what needed to be done, that combination endeared the character to me and now I would genuinely like an entire series about him or for him to have the same prominence post-ROTJ that he did before, even if I know that may be impossible with Disney’s new canon. This book won’t quite unseat Ahsoka as my favorite of the new canon, but it sure as heck is on my top five list now. ✦ Leia, Princess of Alderaan by Claudia Gray, leia & bail/breha & cast, 416 pages    Sixteen-year-old Princess Leia Organa faces the most challenging task of her life so far: proving herself in the areas of body, mind, and heart to be formally named heir to the throne of Alderaan.    I really, really loved this book a lot, I thought it achieved everything it set out to do, and was just a really good look at a young Leia, where she came from, and how some of the pieces of her life started sliding into place. I love it because there are a lot of little moments that work well for me, the ways Leia unknowingly touches the Force were some of the best, that they made sense in the moments they were used and weren’t too heavy-handed to make you wonder why she herself didn’t notice–that’s not an easy balance to strike! But it’s also that this makes so much sense as a young Leia story, where she’s struggling with wanting to do more for the galaxy around her, but not having the maturity to understand some of the more long-term plans that are out of her reach, to understand why her parents haven’t told her about them. And this story is about her struggle to grow up into someone they can trust with that, her struggle to become that person as much as it about the struggle of trying to decide how much to risk Alderaan in this Rebellion, to risk the one safe place the galaxy has. And that dilemma felt much more organic and meaningful than the dilemma she faced in Bloodline, I felt.    I enjoyed the new characters, for all that they were fairly predictable that didn’t take away from that I liked reading about them and that their story had meaning to help support Leia’s–and I’m looking very much forward to seeing some of them show up in The Last Jedi! The familiar characters (like Tarkin and Mon Mothma) were well-used, they’re important figures that we know Leia knew, but they weren’t overdone–a lot of the references to things we know about canon or the use of various bits of trivia (like when we briefly see Eriadu from Rogue One) were all well done! I enjoyed that this is a character who is very much her bio-father’s daughter, but is also even more Bail Organa and Breha Organa’s daughter, that the pieces we see of Alderaan, the bits of worldbuilding that we get are really lovely. And, oh, Bail and Breha are used very well here, they may not be main characters, but they certainly feel human and weighty in the narrative. Basically, this book is all I could have asked for from it and I would enjoy seeing Claudia Gray write more of her! ✦ Phasma by Delilah S. Dawson, phasma & brendol hux & cast, 400 pages    One of the most cunning and merciless officers of the First Order, Captain Phasma commands the favor of her superiors, the respect of her peers, and the terror of her enemies. But for all her renown, Phasma remains as virtually unknown as the impassive expression on her gleaming chrome helmet. Now, an adversary is bent on unearthing her mysterious origins—and exposing a secret she guards as zealously and ruthlessly as she serves her masters.    This book is not at all what I expected it to be. When I picked it up, I thought it would be a book that would try to get into Phasma’s head–an odd proposition for a character we know very little about at the moment. But instead it’s a book that looks at her story from several outsiders’ views of her, it’s a story about her, not from her. And that’s also something I wouldn’t have thought I would enjoy, but yet I did. It balances how weird Star Wars can be with an unwinding story about showing who Phasma is at her core, that she’s mysterious and difficult to parse, but the more you see of her, the more you start to slowly catch glimpses of her. And by the end I felt like, yes, this is a Phasma I could see and understand and she made sense to me.    The book does have a lot of trivia pulled into it, but it’s all stuff I enjoyed and nothing I thought would stop a person from understanding it through context! And I really came to enjoy the new characters, I adore Vi Moradi like you wouldn’t believe, I thought the First Order was shown as reasonably understandable how they don’t recognize what they’re in the middle of, yet it’s unquestionably a horrible, poisonous organization. I wound up enjoying the structure of the story about Phasma rather than from her, I found the adventures the characters all got into to be engaging, I found the world ultimately made sense to me (despite my early misgivings about how I wasn’t sure things worked like that), and it was just one of those books that maybe I don’t have a ton to say about, but I felt served the character and the franchise really well. It’s just engaging, I could pick it up and read for an hour no problem, and it was an entertaining ride. Honestly, that made it one that I absolutely would recommend it for! ✦ Catalyst: A Rogue One Novel by James Luceno, galen/lyra & jyn & krennic & tarkin, 352 pages    For years the Republic and the Separatists have battled across the stars, each building more and more deadly technology in an attempt to win the war. As a member of Chancellor Palpatine’s top secret Death Star project, Orson Krennic is determined to develop a superweapon before their enemies can. And an old friend of Krennic’s, the brilliant scientist Galen Erso, could be the key.    I read this novel before I saw the movie (as there are no real spoilers for it, only backstory) and it’s one of the best decisions I could have made, because what this novel does is draw many more connections to the greater Star Wars galaxy than the movie does. I think even reading it after you’ve seen the movie will do the same, it will explain a lot of how the characters got to where they are, especially Lyra, Galen, and Krennic, because it does a really good job of bridging the gap between the Clone Wars and the state of the Empire ~20 years later–well, as much as any one novel can. It draws in planets like Coruscant and Geonosis, it creates new ones that still feel like Star Wars planets, it touches on the use of kyber crystals, it’s about the building of the new Empire, it’s about trying to draw Galen Erso in to work for them and how exactly that happened, when he’s not someone who would have knowingly done so, but he was manipulated and lured in and felt that he had to work on the Death Star, otherwise they’d complete it without him much sooner, especially since they had his notes on kyber crystals from before.    The book isn’t really so much a story in and of itself, it’s more of a backstory and filling in the gaps, connecting the dots, kind of story, but I loved it for that, given that I felt Rogue One (for all its cameos and being centered on the Death Star plans) felt like it was very detached from the larger galaxy that I knew and loved. It does a great job with the three characters it centers on, it breathes some life into Lyra, it explains Galen better, and it writes an absolutely hilariousKrennic (his cat fights with Tarkin are amazing), as well as has the single greatest premise: That Galen Erso used so much ineffecient bureaucracy to make the higher-ups so sick of looking at reports that they just went Okay, fine already! and let them keep the tiny flaw in the plans. It’s a book that’s very much meant to go along with the movie, but I think it’s one that achieved exactly that goal and made the whole experience stronger! Luceno is one of my favorite authors and this book definitely did not disappoint me. ✦ Bloodline by Claudia Grey, leia & ocs, 352 pages    As the daughter of Darth Vader, Leia faces with distrust the prospect of any one person holding such a powerful position—even when supporters suggest Leia herself for the job. But a new enemy may make this path Leia’s only option. For at the edges of the galaxy, a mysterious threat is growing….    I definitely could not put this book down and I think Claudia Gray has a great grasp on Leia’s character, so reading this book as a Leia story was absolutely a worthwhile time! It especially understood her complicated relationships with both her fathers, both Bail and Anakin, and her difficult to untangle feelings there. It doesn’t shy away from that Leia is the goddamned boss, that she’s not afraid to get her hands dirty by digging into the hard work, even ~thirty years later. The only complaints I have about this book are in the political and structural stuff–one of which isn’t the author’s fault, as this book was published not long after The Force Awakens, so it couldn’t really contain anything with Luke or Ben, it had to dance around actually dealing with those things, when it clearly would have been important to do so. It does what it can with the Han/Leia relationship, but it’s still chained to what the movie put down, so I don’t blame it for that.    However, the politics of the book were terrible and made zero sense–the idea was that, because Palpatine had abused his power via the Empire, there should be no central government anymore and that’s just bullshit. By that logic, there shouldn’t be any planetary government, either. Or any country-level government. Or city-level government. All government is open to potential abuse, if you vote the wrong person in, that doesn’t mean you scrap the whole idea. Especially not when Leia then leaves the Senate and founds the Resistance, which I’m pretty sure has a heirarchy that’s open to potential abuse if the wrong person gets in. It also contained references to how apparently the New Republic allows “indentured servitude” and Leia witnesses this and barely thinks much of it. It also relies heavily on characters acting for the plot sometimes, rather than acting how a reasonable person would. And I wish the balance between the plot of uncovering the First Order (which can only do so much, since we know where this has to go) versus the moments of just pure Leia had been better.    Okay, I’m being pretty harsh on this book and I don’t mean to be, because I absolutely think it’s worth reading for the Leia moments, where she’s so solidly herself, where she has all this passion and anger, but she’s so thoroughly goodthat even the galaxy being unfair to her cannot shake her core foundations. It was a book I couldn’t put down and it felt like Star Wars (which is a hugely important thing to me!), especially in that there were lots of aliens, some that I recognized and some that I didn’t, that there were tons of planets and different cultures that truly felt like a space opera. And for all that I criticize the political philosophy here, that the politics were important to the story, just as much as the action was, was very well done!    It’s a bit of a slow start, but by chapter 5 or 6 I had trouble putting it down and I had that experience of feeling, “Ahhhh! I need to talk to people about my feelings about this book!” in a good way, which is something I also treasure. It’s a book that balances Leia’s incredibly caring nature, her huge heart, and her deep wells of anger. It’s a book that had engaging new characters that I cared about while I was reading about them. I wish there’d been more introspection on Leia’s feelings about Anakin as her bio-dad, but it’s also a story that captures how she’s such an iconic character, and it’s an incredibly engaging read. I absolutely recommend it, no question. ✦ Moving Target: A Princess Leia Adventure by Cecil Castellucci and Jason Fry, leia & ocs, 240 pages    Set between Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back and Star Wars: The Return of the Jedi, the story follows the warrior princess as she leads a ragtag group of rebels on a dangerous mission against the evil Galactic Empire.    I enjoyed this book! It’s not particularly game-changing in any way, it doesn’t involve a lot of introsepction and it’s almost entirely action, but it’s a fun filler type of story where Leia has to run a mission for the Rebellion to distract the Empire while they work on something else. It has some fun moments and it was easy to pick up and put down, it had moments of solid characterization–and that’s really what this is. A very solid read, especially if you like Leia as a character and want to see her leading a team on an adventure. It has a solid cast of supporting characters (including some recognizable and some new alien species!) and it does a solid job of adventuring around the galaxy, really feeling like Star Wars, as is always important to me. It’s just all the way around a solid, solid story that I easily read through in just a couple of days because it was engaging enough that I sailed right along. ✦ The Weapon of a Jedi: A Luke Skywalker Adventure by Jason Fry, luke & ocs, 192 pages    Set between Star Wars: A New Hope and Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, the story finds Luke Skywalker, C-3PO, and R2-D2 stranded on a mysterious planet, and explores a dangerous duel between Luke and a strange new villain.    My feelings on this book are pretty much identical to how I felt about Moving Target, in that it’s a very solid story that is a fun filler piece (and that’s not a slam, because filler pieces often make a world feel richer and more fleshed out) with some adventure and some solid characterization moments. It’s a story that I read when I was incredibly hungry for anything Star Wars related and so I inhaled it in just a couple of days, because it was engaging and easy to read, it’s solid and worth the time, if you’re a fan of Luke Skywalker’s character. ✦ Rogue One: A Star Wars Story by Alexander Freed, jyn & cassian & bodhi & baze & chirrut & k2so & galen & krennic & cast, 336 pages    The Rebellion has learned of a sinister Imperial plot to bring entire worlds to their knees. Deep in Empire-dominated space, a machine of unimaginable destructive power is nearing completion. A weapon too terrifying to contemplate … and a threat that may be too great to overcome.    I enjoyed Rogue One as a movie, but the characters never really spoke to me until I read this novelization. It’s the kind of book that does exactly what I want from novelizations–where it adds all these little, tiny moments to the story and it allows for a better understanding of the characters because it gets into their heads, while still sticking to the story that I saw on the screen. This novel especially did incredible things for Jyn’s character for me, she is so messy and complicated and jaded and cynical and hurt and damaged here, shown through her pov in a way that helped me to understand why she behaved the way she did in the movie, why she was so cold on the surface and seemed so flat, all while there’s such a great character that appealed to me under the surface.    Jyn alone is what I would have enjoyed this novelization for! But it really did a lovely job with the Cassian and Bodhi scenes as well, there were a couple of devastating lines about Baze and Chirrut as well, even K2-SO wasn’t immune from breaking my fannish heart in this book. The highlight of this one is how it added depth to the story that was already there, especially with Jyn’s character (I wanted to quote so many lines!) but it’s pretty much everything a novelization should be–it was interesting and engaging even while telling a story I already knew the details of. ✦ Lone Wolf by Abel G. Peña, obi-wan & luke, 76 pages    A narrative of Obi-Wan facing the realities of a Jedi outcast at the twilight of the Clone Wars.    I have very complicated feelings about this short story–on the one hand, I wrote like half a dozen blogging posts about it because there were moments in it that absolutely sent me over the moon! There were some great details that I will cherish forever! But the tone of the story was incredibly grimdark in a way that was trying too hard even just post-ROTS would warrant, it was a little too over the top trying to be serious and edgy, as well as there are a lot of descriptions of how gross and yucko the women in this story are. As a fan of Obi-Wan Kenobi and the grief he was working through at this point in time, I don’t regret reading this book, there were some goddamned stellar quotes from it! But it comes with a whole lot of caveats and side-eyeing of certain elements and… well. I have a reaction post from it, if you don’t mind spoilers! There was potential here and I would be happy to see this author take another crack at SW stuff, but this one didn’t hit the mark for me–and that may be a personal thing! (Aside from the way the women in this story were described.) But, well, this is a list of reviews for like-minded fans, so I can’t say I really recommend it for my crowd personally. ✦ The Hive by Steven Barnes, obi-wan & ocs, [short story]    Dispatched as a Republic envoy to the Outer Rim planet Ord Cestus — in a bid to halt the sale of potentially deadly “bio-droids” to the Confederacy — Obi-Wan Kenobi finds himself enlisted in a mission more desperate, and dangerous, than diplomatic.    This is a short story that was a companion piece to the Cestus Deception, I believe, and it’s one of those that’s solid for what it is, but I wish there had been a bigger scope to it. It’s a fairly routine (for this character, anyway) mission where Obi-Wan is on a planet trying to help a race of insect-like people regain their royal eggs, and the world-building and culture and original characters are all well done! I was never bored by anything that was here! My only caveat is that I wish there’d been more, more to the aspects I already knew and cared about, like Obi-Wan thinking more about Anakin or the Jedi or having others show up. If you’re going in for a look at an alien society in the Star Wars universe, this book is really great! And I do like what’s here of Obi-Wan’s character! And I saw a review once that likened it to a lost episode of The Clone Wars and I felt like that was a good description of it, that I wanted more, but for the focus of this short story being what it was, it was solidly done. ✦ Guardian of the Whills by Greg Rucka, chirrut & baze & ocs, 240 pages    On the desert world of Jedha, in the Holy City, friends Baze and Chirrut used to be Guardians of the hills, who looked after the Kyber Temple and the devoted pilgrims who worshiped there. Then the Empire came and took over the planet.    This is a middle-grade novel and I think a lot of the enjoyment of it depends on what you’re looking to get out of it. I had been hoping for something that delved into Baze and Chirrut’s background a little more, to get something of their history as Guardians of the Whills, to develop that aspect of the SW universe again, but instead this novel is set a handful of months before the Rogue One movie, so it’s dealing with the Empire taking over their city and what leads them to the fight against it. That said, it’s a solid story and has some great lines between the characters, the old married couple dynamic (while I wish they’d been made canon, I felt like there was at least a very, very easy time to read into them that way here) is a highlight and a joy, and it’s a solid story with engaging characters. While I wish there had been more depth to the characters and their history, Rucka does a great job at showing them in the moment, that they felt very much like the characters I saw on the screen, and felt very true to how I imagine they would have been drawn into the fight against the Empire on Jedha. If you like these characters, I would say that this is absolutely worth the read! ✦ Secrets of the Jedi by Jude Watson, obi-wan/siri & anakin/padme & qui-gon & adi gallia & cast, 208 pages    To be a Jedi is to safeguard peace in the galaxy. To be a Jedi is to defend justice against tyranny. To be a Jedi is to rely on the Force. To be a Jedi is to not love or live as normal people do … at whatever the price.    I have such a complicated relationship with Jude Watson’s writing–it’s very much written at 13 year olds and I think the pacing and worldbuilding often suffer for it, that little has much room to breathe or let the impact be felt, that the logic of the Jedi doesn’t hold up on a worldbuilding level/doesn’t fit with the higher level canon, and the characters aren’t always how I see them. But, at the same time, when she nails a moment, she absolutely nails it, her writing can be incredible quotable and I really do love the characters that inhabit these novels (I especially love Siri and Bant!) and the underlying story is often one that has a lot of potential, if you want to explore it more, it’s often practically made for character-exploring fic pieces, practically! It is a book that is centered on romance–that each of the stories being told here (about Qui-Gon, about Obi-Wan, about Anakin) is about romance at the heart of it, which can be frustrating when there are so many other important relationships, but the book did well with the comparisons and contrasts between them.    I’m kind of hard on the book, but I’m reading it as an adult and I’m not really the target audience for this story anymore (even as I think kids’ books can appeal to adults in the right author’s hands) and that’s not to say that I don’t see the appeal of it to a lot of people. I actually enjoy reading other people’s enjoyment of this book, even if I often feel like I think these books work better if you read them when you were younger, rather than looking at them through the eyes of current canon, especially since the book came out in 2005. Would I recommend it? Depends on the person and how much you’re invested in various characters–Obi-Wan fans will enjoy the book more than Qui-Gon or Anakin fans, I suspect. It’s not one that I consider to be particularly true to Star Wars, but the handful of moments that were worth reading for are incredibly worth reading for! ✦ The Force Awakens: Rey’s Story by Elizabeth Schaefer, rey & cast, 128 pages    Rey never thought she would leave the desert planet of Jakku, but her life is turned upside down when she meets BB-8, a small droid with a big secret. Like it or not, Rey is about to be caught up in something much larger than herself: a galactic war between the evil First Order and the fledgling Resistance.    While this book is almost entirely going over the events of The Force Awakens–well, her parts of the story, that is–I suspect it would go over best with those who really enjoy her character already! But I found that it was worth the read because I really do love Rey a ton and there were bits and pieces that were new (like a bit more of what she filled her time with while on Jakku), as well as moments where she connected to the Force or her feelings for Finn or little touches that could mean more, were nicely present. It’s a short book, a light read that’s mostly just going over something we’re familiar with already, but it was a very sweet one for that.

[swfanficbyjz]

I Am The Fulcrum - SW AU

Pairing: Brotp Anakin/Ahsoka 

So, awhile ago, @litheian gave me the idea of a Time Travel AU where Ahsoka goes back in time to before Anakin’s mother died and how that would all play out. Up until that point, I’d been really resistant to write time travel stuff because it feels so unrealistic. But the idea got me curious and the next thing I knew, another full-length story happened. There is a little romantic stuff between Anakin and Ahsoka just because it felt right for what was going on with the story (they’re the same age at the time), but ultimately, it’s about their close friendship and what they’d do for each other. Hope you enjoy it!

Part 1:

Chapter 1:

I am Fulcrum. I am part of the rebellion. I’m trying to destroy the very thing I helped build. Of course, I didn’t know I was helping build it. If Anakin were here, would he be proud of me? Would he be fighting by my side like I once fought by his?

She ran her fingers across the curved hilt of one of her new lightsabers. They were foreign to her, yet familiar. They were thinner than her old ones but they felt like they belonged in her hands and when lit, they were the brightest white she’d ever seen. She didn’t know lightsabers could be white. She tried searching her memory for any mention of white lightsabers throughout the history of the Jedi, but she came up empty. What did it mean? She wasn’t special, not like Anakin had been. He was the Chosen One. If anyone should have carried a white lightsaber, it was him. Instead, she carried not one, but two. She wasn’t a Jedi anymore. She wasn’t a Sith either. Yet the force had brought her back to something bigger. It was preparing her for something. 

“Ahsoka?” She looked up to see Bail looking at her with concern. “Are you alright?”

“Sorry,” she replied. “It’s been awhile.” 

“Are you sure you want to do this? We could use the help, but if you’re not up for it…”

“No, I am.” She gave him a reassuring smile. I just have to get my head back in the game. Everything that had happened on Raada was still fresh on her mind. But she’d been stupid, and reckless. I thought I’d gotten past that. She felt a tug in the force; A pull in a direction she didn’t want to go. She tried to push it away, but it only buzzed harder. “There’s something I need to do first.” 

“How can I help?” Bail asked.

“Can you take me back to the Jedi temple on Coruscant?” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. Why did she want to go there? What was she hoping to find? Even if there were other Jedi still out there, even if the purge had never happened, she didn’t belong there anymore. Did she honestly think she’d find Anakin? He’s dead. Let it go.

“The temple is nothing but rubble now, I’m afraid,” Bail was saying. “I’m not sure if there’s anything there to find.” 

Except ghosts. “I feel like there’s something there I need to do.” She admitted. “It might help the rebellion.” 

“Well, I can get you close. Only a couple people have codes to get through the security checkpoints. There’s a few guards around the complex, which probably won’t be a problem for you, but the place is crawling with probe droids and scavengers. The Emperor has been pretty keen on discovering all its secrets.”

She felt sick. The idea of all those grubby hands on a place so sacred. No matter where the force led her now, she still held the ideals of the Jedi. Some part of her that she’d been trying to bury, still wanted to be one. It was impossible though. She’d made the decision to leave and there was nothing to go back to anyways. So why is it telling me I should? “If you could drop me down on level 1313, I can get there on foot. That would probably be safer for you too.”  

“Level 1313? That’s a seedy part of town. Are you sure?”

She smiled again. “Yeah, I’m sure. I can take care of myself, besides, I have an old friend there if I need it.” She hoped he was still there. Although she didn’t tell Bail that she had no intention of going to him even if she got into trouble. Nyx might never have known she’d once been a Jedi, but she wanted to avoid interactions with anyone. Mainly she wanted to avoid awkward questions. 

---

Ahsoka threw up her hood. At least in the lower levels of Coruscant people had enough of their own problems to notice her. She’d tried to talk herself out of this all the way back, but the closer she got, the stronger her feeling that she needed to go there. 

She looked up past the flashing lights, busy traffic and towering buildings to the empty skyline where the five peaks of the temple had once been visible. She shivered and pulled her coat even tighter. She’d once walked those hallways looking out at the bustling city, feeling safe… untouchable. Even before the building itself had come crashing down, her world had. She couldn’t even remember the last time she felt safe. 

She slipped into the shadows, disguising her force signature, stepping forward large distances at a time. Keeping her head down she’d duck into an occasional alleyway as probes or police went by. As she joined the larger crowds, she sidled up the side of some apartments, preferring the clearer path across the rooftops. 

At the edge of the skyscrapers the city opened into a flatter area with shorter buildings. Ships of all shapes and sizes weaved back and forth through the sky in a chess board pattern. The wind tugged at her hood and she pulled it back around her face without thinking. Her heart raced as she scanned the horizon. Coruscant felt empty to her now. Memories washed over her. She wished she could forget. In all her lazy daydreams as a youngling, she never could have imagined this. Life had seemed so simple; so easy back then. Even once she’d started as a padawan. She’d given Anakin a hard time for all the trouble they ended up in, but she would give anything to have those days back; to have him back. She’d even be happy to hear Master Kenobi prattle on about protocols and procedure. Or Master Yoda and his backwards way of talking, or Master Windu and his frowning look of disdain. The truth was… she missed them all. They hadn’t trusted her; they’d thrown her out like the trash. But none of that really mattered anymore. If they appeared in front of her, she’d forgive them in an instant. 

Stop it. She chided herself. You’re only making it harder. Focus. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She breathed easier as the force flooded in stronger every time she inhaled. She focused on clearing her mind and pushing the pain aside for now. She opened her eyes and looked towards the ruins, only vaguely acknowledging the pang that hit her. A path towards her destination illuminated in the force. She nodded to herself, glanced around to see if the coast was clear and let the it guide her the rest of the way to the temple. 

---

It had been easy to slip past the guards, they’d been deep in their own conversation. Clearly, they were convinced no one would be fool enough to enter. Apparently, she was. She kept her senses wide open. She couldn’t feel droids in the force, but if she was paying attention, she could hear them in enough time to hide. 

Now that she was in, she had no idea what she was looking for. Bail had been right, there wasn’t much left. What had she expected? That it would be sitting there in the middle with a sign? 

Sighing deeply, she watched the patrol pattern of the droids and troopers for a while and found a corner they didn’t seem to go by very often. Hidden between two fallen columns, she knelt and started meditating. The pain of all that had occurred here was distracting. Yet, she found herself searching through it, looking for him. If Anakin had died here, like so many others, she knew she’d find the memory in there somewhere. She hated herself for wanting to feel it, for wanting to know. But every time she’d reached into the force for him, it had felt like a broken conduit. Like the pathway had simply been cut. It didn’t feel like death to her, it just felt empty. It was as if he’d simply gone missing and if he was just missing… she had to find him. Even if finding him meant witnessing his death. She had to know the truth. 

“Attachment is forbidden for Jedi.” Her eyes snapped open at the voice but there was no one there. She waited for a few minutes but it didn’t speak again. She shrugged and went back to meditating. My mind is playing tricks on me.

She fell deeper and deeper into her search, throwing caution to the wind as she searched for him. She felt anger; familiar anger. She turned her search towards it feeling as though she was getting close to the truth. “Why are you here?” This time when her eyes snapped open, a temple guardian stood in front of her. 

“I don’t know,” she admitted. 

“I think you do.” It replied from behind the white faceless mask. It’s brown ceremonial robes blowing slightly in the breeze. The double-bladed lightsaber hilt, hanging from its belt. 

“I miss him.” She said, emotions she’d been trying to repress tumbling out her eyes before she could stop them. “I miss all of them.”

“Attachments is forbidden for Jedi.” It repeated the first thing she’d heard.

“I know.” She said, leaning forward to rest on the palms of her hands so the temple guardian couldn’t see her face that was streaked with tears. They fell on the stone below her now. 

“He cannot come back from where he’s gone.” She squeezed her eyes shut at his words. “But if you still wish to become a Jedi, I can help you.” Wiping her eyes, she looked up at the masked face of the specter before her.

“The Jedi are all gone. How can I become one?”

“If you pass the trial I put before you, I can grant you the rank of knight.” How will that help with the rebellion? What could becoming a knight at this point do that she couldn’t already? It would be an empty title for an empty soul. But the force had led her here, whatever this trial was… it might give her the knowledge that she sought. 

“I’m ready,” she said.

---

When she opened her eyes, she was no longer sitting in the middle of rubble. She looked around her at the lush green landscape and rolling hills. Laid out before her was a lake shimmering in the early morning light. Trees dotted the landscape and sitting just ahead of her was a huge stone castle with a pastel pink paint peeking through the climbing vines up to the dome roofs. A figure stood on the balcony that opened out over the water. She could just make them out between the arched stone columns and planters that lined the railing. 

The temple guardian had told her she was going back in time to change something. Her trial was to figure out what it was. Succeed, and she’d be brought back to her time and knighted as a Jedi. It hadn’t told her where she was going or how far back. It also hadn’t told her what would happen if she failed. She’d probably be stuck here in this time; whenever it was…

She climbed the stone wall at the far end of the balcony, trying to be as quiet as possible. But when she peeked over the railing, she almost lost her grip. Her heart pounded in her chest as she dangled from the side of the balcony. She swung around to look between the balusters at the figure silhouetted against the cloudy sunrise. He had his back to her. His loose tunic fluttered in the breeze. The thin material barely masking his well-defined musculature.

She vaulted herself over the railing landing lightly on the stone floor. She stood there staring at his back longingly; a lump in her throat. Every muscle in her body screamed at her to run to him. She wanted nothing more than to throw herself into his arms, she’d missed him so much. But this Anakin might not know she existed yet, she had to be cautious. She could just make out his padawan braid where it fell on his right shoulder. 

He started turning in her direction and she scrambled to hide but ran into the wall. “Hey!” he yelled.

Kriff! She started running down the back steps, rubbing her forehead trying to ignore the pain of where it had hit the stone. 

“Stop! Who are you?” he demanded as he chased after her. She didn’t know where she was going so she just kept running, taking random turns that seemed like the right direction trying to lose him in the maze of the castle pathways. After running for a few minutes, she risked a glance backwards but didn’t see him behind her anymore. She slowed to a walk trying to catch her breath and kept looking over her shoulder. 

Something reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her into a little alcove behind a statue along the passageway. She yelped and then fell silent as she looked up into his intense blue eyes. Her knees wobbled a little as she tried to memorize his face. He couldn’t be much younger than when she met him, so she’d only gone back in time a few years. Before the Clone Wars, most likely. He was gripping each of her arms tightly and staring into her soul. She realized at some point that he didn’t have his mechanical arm yet. He’d lost his in the Battle of Geonosis, hadn’t he? So it had to be before that.

“How did you find this place?” he asked angrily. “Who sent you?”

“Um…” she was at a loss, she didn’t know what to say. “I felt like I should come here…” she stammered. “I think I’m supposed to help you.” It was weak, she bit her lip hoping he’d buy it. 

He glanced down and saw the lightsabers dangling from her belt. “Are you a Jedi?” he asked. She nodded, not trusting herself to lie. His close proximity to her was distracting. He smelled good too. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she was afraid to. 

“Anakin?” a female voice called. It was familiar too. 

He brought his finger to her lips and then leaned out to reply. “I’ll be right there, senator. Just a moment.” Padmé… I should have known.

“Are you alright? I thought I heard you shouting.” Senator Amidala called again.

“It was nothing,” he answered. Her shoulders slumped. Yeah… nothing… She wanted to look away, but if she moved her face, her lips would brush his finger which was probably not the smartest idea right now. Not that any of this was smart. Apparently satisfied with his response, Padmé didn’t say anything else. But neither did Anakin. She looked up to find him staring at her. She held her breath. “Who are you?” he asked again, softer this time. She peered up at him like a schoolgirl. Why was it so hard to talk to him now? Because you thought he was dead. He is dead. You’re in the past remember? She tried to ignore the arguing voices in her head. 

“Fulcrum.” She managed finally. 

“You said you were here to help. Help with what?” he asked. 

Stang… she didn’t know. She could feel something through the force. She pushed her senses out trying to read him. “You’re hurting,” she responded instead. “Why?” Now that she’d managed to focus on something other than his intoxicating presence she could feel a deep pain in his soul. Something was bothering him. There was confusion, sorrow… longing… a cavern of aching, oceans wide. She’d felt pain in him like this before, but this was fresh. Boiling just beneath the surface, demanding attention. Not like the deeply buried loss he’d carried with him as her master. 

He released her and stepped away. No, come back… “It’s nothing.” He looked uncomfortable and avoided her gaze. 

“It might be what I’m supposed to help you with,” she whispered. “Tell me.”

“It was just a dream,” he said. “Forget it.” Dreams don’t hurt you like that. She studied the profile of his face. Was it possible for her to help fix whatever had caused that chasm of pain she’d always felt in him? Could that be what she was meant to change? 

She tentatively reached out and touched him on the arm. “Tell me about your nightmare,” she said soothingly. “Let me help you.” As her master, he’d never let her in; not really anyways. She hoped this was before he’d shut everyone out. She hoped he would tell her. 

“It was about my mother,” he said finally, swallowing hard. “I can feel her, she’s in pain. I have to help her!” His mother… right… she’d died somehow. What was it she’d overheard Master Kenobi and Master Yoda say about it? She racked her brain trying to find the elusive piece of information that might help her stop it from happening. “Are you going to chastise me like the rest of them? Tell me that attachments are forbidden, and I should let her go?” He said suddenly angry, interrupting her thoughts. The temple guardian had also said attachments are forbidden. Had he been referring to her attachment to Anakin? Or had it been a hint to help her with this trial?

“No,” she said, trying to weigh her words. She had to keep reminding herself that right now, he must think she’s a Jedi master. That he’s still a padawan, expecting them to tell him what to do. She wasn’t so sure she liked that he was looking to her for what to do or rather to not do something. “Attachment might be forbidden, but if someone is in danger, it is a Jedi’s responsibility to do what they can to help them.”

He smiled suddenly. “Thank you.” He said, but then frowned again. “But my mandate is to protect the senator. That’s why we’re here. I can’t leave.”

“Between the two of us, I’m sure we can keep her safe if she comes along.” Ahsoka answered. But I’d rather she stay here…

“I’ll go tell her to get ready and we’ll meet you at the ship,” he said starting up the stairs. He paused near the top and turned back to look at her, “I’m glad you’re not like the other masters.” He commented.

Because of you… she almost replied, but instead, she just gave him a smile and he disappeared around the corner. She sighed heavily when he was out of sight. This was going to be a difficult task. Not rescuing his mother, or protecting the senator… but because seeing him like this, younger… and more carefree… still smiling occasionally… it was distracting to say the least. And she was having a really hard time not noticing her body’s response when he was close to her. You’re not here to fall in love, you idiot. A little late for that, don’t you think?

---

Ahsoka raced to the shiny, chromium plated Nubian starship sitting on the private landing pad, hoping that it would take the senator her usual amount of time to get ready and she’d have a few minutes to come up with a plan. It had taken longer than she cared to admit to stop thinking about Anakin in that loose tunic and seeing him genuinely smile. He had smiled every once in a while, as her master, but it was usually a smug one or a smirk. She couldn’t think of a single moment he’d been really happy. At least he’d been good at hiding his expression of happiness.

Once her focus was back on the task at hand, she struggled to find any memory of what had happened to his mother. She searched the database in her head and came up empty. This would be so much easier if you’d talked to me about your past, Skyguy! She kicked the back of the chair. She forced herself to take a deep breath. Before she got very far, a little astromech droid wheeled into the cockpit.

“Artoo!” She greeted the droid excitedly, forgetting for a moment that it didn’t know her yet. It beeped something about her trespassing on royal property. Oh right… She told it that Senator Amidala had sent her ahead to get the ship ready for their trip. It whistled something that she didn’t quite catch but otherwise went to work starting the engines. “Artoo, I need your help.” The droid spun its dome top so that it’s ocular lens was facing her and she knelt down. “Do you know anything about Anakin Skywalker’s mother?”

R2 whirred for a few minutes and then wheeled over to plug into the computer database for information retrieval. It projected a profile of her in the air before her. Ahsoka scanned it quickly looking for any information that would help her. She was on Tatooine… okay… she was once a slave… yeah… a man named Cliegg Lars had purchased her and then freed her. Then why would she be in danger? It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Anakin’s instinct or visions; what was she missing? Could she be in danger from something besides slavery? What was it that Anakin had told her was dangerous on Tatooine on their first real mission together? The desert was merciless… but why? She stood up quickly. Sand people. 

If the Tuskens had somehow captured her… she would not survive until they got there. She paced back and forth trying to come up with a plan. She ran to the comm and put in a call to Jabba the Hutt. It wasn’t ideal, but it might work… She didn’t have time to second guess herself though, she could hear Anakin and Padme coming closer. She ducked into the closet near the bridge, forcing herself past the heavy material hanging there so that she’d be well hidden in the depth of the tiny room. Why was she so keen to hide from Padme? Because you don’t want to see them together.

“It looks like Artoo already started the ship. Are you ready to go?” Senator Amidala’s voice drifted past where Ahsoka was hiding. 

“Not quite,” Anakin said. “I forgot something.” Ahsoka realized a little too late that he was trying to find her but she was too embarrassed to crawl out of the closet now that Padme was sitting right outside. “I couldn’t find it,” Anakin said returning. Ahsoka felt the ship lift off and shifted to find a more comfortable position to wait out the long trip.

“Ouch,” she said clunking her head on a shelf in the back of the closet and quickly covered her mouth. 

“Did you hear that?” Anakin asked.

“I didn’t hear anything.” Padme replied.

Stang! Artoo beeped something and Ahsoka heard the door to the closet open. She shimmied further back against the wall hoping the heavy dresses and robes would keep her hidden. The material against her face moved, but she didn’t hear Anakin say anything so she hoped he didn’t see her. After a few minutes of rustling, the closet door closed again. She was about to breathe a sigh of relief when she realized that he was sitting on the floor next to her. She froze, panicking.

 “Any particular reason you’re hiding in the closet?” he whispered. Her heart thudded in her chest, she willed it to be quiet. Think!

 “I was inspecting the ship, of course! The senator’s life is in danger, you can’t be too careful.” She tried her best to emphasize that what she was doing was the most obvious course of action, how could he commit such an oversight? 

“You’re right! How silly of me. The ship has been sitting here completely unguarded in the middle of nowhere. I hadn’t even considered that it could be tampered with.” He replied seriously, furrowing his brow. She wasn’t quite sure if he was making fun of her or not. She resisted the urge to punch him in the shoulder. It wasn’t very master-like. 

“If you were trying to take out a target, would you confront them directly when they’re guarded by a Jedi, or would you find another form of subterfuge?” She mimicked his tone of voice when he tried to teach her hard lessons. He was quiet for a moment. 

 “You’re right. I like the way you think, Snips.” He said.

 Her eyes widened as she stared at him in surprise, “What did you call me?”

 “I’m sorry,” he said embarrassed. “That was inappropriate. I’m not sure where that came from.” She reached for him before she could stop. He looked at her nervously awaiting a reprimand. Her hand touched the side of his face and he relaxed into it returning her stare. His eyes flicked to her lips and they leaned closer. “Master,” he breathed, before they kissed. Alarm bells were sounding in her brain. Hey… that’s you! Her brain was too fuzzy to react though. He tasted so sweet, for a moment, nothing else mattered.

 They kissed again, deeper this time. Reaching depths neither had known. Everything about him filled her heart to bursting, why was he so irresistible? You have to stop this. She ignored the voice in her head and wrapped her arms around his neck pushing him backwards. He responded hungrily, his intensity startling her. She was on top of him as his arms weaved around her back pulling her closer. The ship lurched, shoving their tangled embrace into the wall.

 "Anakin?" Padmé called from outside the closet door. Her voice brought them both crashing back to reality and they scrambled apart as quietly as they could. Holding their breaths, they waited for her footsteps to recede and then he stumbled clumsily out of the closet, standing up and adjusting his robes. 

 He glanced back at her, but she shook her head, mouthing to him that she would continue inspecting the ship. So, he shut the closet door, leaving her in darkness again. She felt around the back looking for the ventilation shaft and then squeezed her way in. 

 Deep in the bowels of the ship, she finally faced the truth; being close to him was dangerous. And she needed to get her act together. What they'd just done was wrong on every level. But it felt so right...

 Use your brain, girl! Not only is he your future master, you're not from this time. Do you really think messing up his relationship with Padmé is what you're meant to do? Well the temple guardian had said attachment is forbidden... so you get him attached to you instead? Brilliant.

Ahsoka sighed. She couldn't ignore the magnetism between them, but she had to resist it. There was a bigger picture she had been conveniently ignoring. But... No. Don't go there.

Chapter 2:

"Excuse me," Ahsoka said, poking her head into the doorway of the Lars' compound. She'd managed to survive the two-day trip here without the senator finding out she was on board. She'd found a small room in the aft part of the ship that had a bed and a refresher; probably a servant's quarters. Whenever she'd been certain Padmé was asleep or in another part of the ship, she'd sneak into the galley through the ventilation ducts and get a snack. Otherwise she stayed out of sight as much as possible. "Sorry to barge in, but I'm a little lost, could you tell me if there's a city or village in that direction?" She said pointing one of her lightsabers to her left. 

 The Lars family, including Anakin and Padmé, piled out of the doorway to look in the direction she pointed. One of them grabbed monoculars and scanned the horizon. "No city," the one-legged fellow in the motor chair said, "but maybe a Tusken camp."

 A girl not much younger than herself gasped, "look at all the smoke!" She said. 

 "From the tracks we found, that's the direction they went with your mother." The older man said, glancing at Anakin. Ahsoka felt him tense up beside her. "But it's not like the Tuskens to draw so much attention to themselves."

 "Well, I'm already headed in that direction, young Jedi. If you'd like to come along, perhaps I can help you find who you're looking for."

 Anakin gave her a grateful look and then turned to Padmé. “Stay here, senator. These are good people, you’ll be safe.”

 “Be careful,” Padmé replied hugging him, then she gave Ahsoka a critical and distrusting look. Ahsoka bowed slightly and turned towards one of the two speeder bikes parked near the main house. 

 “Do you mind if we borrow these?” She looked back to the man in the motor chair.

 “If there’s a chance you can find my wife, please take them.” He replied. He must be Cliegg Lars. She nodded her thanks and then looked back in the direction of the smoke as she waited for Anakin to join her. She had a bad feeling about what they were going to find out there.

 She’d hoped by reporting Shmi as a runaway slave that the Hutts would track her down and they could sort out the political mess later. But from the looks of the billowing black smoke rising high above the hazy horizon… the sand people’s entire compound must be on fire. If the Hutts were responsible for such destruction to capture a ‘runaway’ slave… perhaps dealing with the sand people directly would have been easier. 

 Anakin hopped onto the second speeder bike and they both took off in that direction. She was focused on their destination, but she felt his emotions wafting back at her through the force. She could sense his anger, but dwarfing that was his fear. He was afraid of what they’d find when they arrived at the ruins of the camp. Was she equipped to help him deal with his grief? Would she be strong enough? I can only hope it won’t come to that.

 After an hour of travel time they stopped on the top of the ridge peering down at the smoldering remains of a Tusken camp. At least a hundred tents had all been burned to the ground, bodies were strewn around with blaster wounds and bad burns. Her shoulders dropped. Sand people may be the enemy of desert settlers, but this was pure genocide. By trying to save his mother had she inadvertently led these people to their destruction?

 Anakin was crouching by the edge, scanning the wreckage. There was turmoil in him too. Hatred yet sorrow. A conflicting mix of knowing what you’re supposed to feel and the disconnect with what you do feel. She rested a hand on his shoulder and he looked up at her. “What do you sense?”

 “She’s not here.” He replied. Ahsoka breathed a little easier, there might still be a chance to save her. “But she was.” He said, swallowing. “I can feel her pain, like in my nightmares. They tortured her.” She felt his anger rise off him; stronger through their connection. He stood up so fast her hand slid off his shoulder. “They got what they deserved.” He growled with a raw primal utterance of emotion.

 She wanted to cry out that he couldn’t mean that, this wasn’t the Anakin she knew. But from everything she was feeling in the force… he did mean it. What could she possibly say or do to guide him? What would a Jedi do? She put her hand on his arm and turned him to face her and she stared up searchingly at his face. “Anakin,” she breathed. From the look on his face, he was daring her to challenge his feelings. “What happened here was not justice,” she started cautiously. “This was annihilation.”

He fumed for a moment but to her relief his anger was beginning to recede. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, looking away.

 “Don’t be sorry,” she said soothingly, reaching up to take his face in her hands. He looked at her again. “Emotions are a natural part of life, but what we do with them is what defines who we are. A Jedi must learn to control them, not because they are wrong, but so that we can act with clarity.”

 She brushed the tear away that slid down his cheek. “I just miss her so much. I know I’m not supposed to, but I do.”

 I know the feeling… she almost said. “I know,” she said instead.

 “It’s hard to ignore it.”

 “Never ignore your feelings, Anakin. Act on them, but do so deliberately. Focus them into intention; for peace and justice.”

 He was silent for a few moments, searching her eyes. He was lost, confused, conflicted. She held him while he searched himself too, keeping her senses cast over him so she could feel everything he was. It was painful and overwhelming, but also oddly comforting to be standing there beside him again. Even when his pain had become too much to handle before, she’d never wished to leave his side. That feeling had only become stronger here. 

 “It wasn’t an accident you found me on Naboo,” he commented.

 No, she wanted to say, but she stayed silent. He didn’t need an answer; he already knew. 

 “I’m glad you did.”

 She smiled at him. “Me too.” She said simply.

 “The force works in mysterious ways.” He said finally. You have no idea…

 “Come on,” she said after a few moments. “Let’s see if we can find your mother.” She leapt off the cliff, using the force to slow her fall and landed gracefully in the valley below. He landed softly beside her seconds later. 

 “Over here,” he called after they’d been searching for a while.

 “What did you find?” she asked joining him.

 “Tracks.” She looked around them. There were tracks in every direction both from animals and people, what was so special about these? “Gamorreans.” She was grateful she hadn’t been forced to admit her ignorance. “Hutt lackeys.” He said matching his gaze to the direction they headed.

 So, I was responsible for this… “Is it common for there to be conflict between the Hutt cartel and the sand people?” She asked. “I was under the impression only settlers had trouble with the Tuskens.”

 “It depends,” he said. “I know they’ve battled in the past because the Tuskens would encroach on Hutt territory. But for Jabba to send out his guards to slaughter them like this… It was either personal or they were looking for someone.”

 “Who could they be looking for?”

 “My best guess is a slave.” Anakin replied solemnly. “Smugglers and pirates would know better than to seek refuge with the sand people. Only a slave would be that desperate.” 

 “They’d do all of this to capture a runaway slave?” she was horrified.

 “A slave’s value far outweighs the lives of transients. It makes them rich, gives them prestige. Without slavery, the Hutts would be nothing.” His anger was rising again. She stopped asking questions. 

 “I suggest we pay this Jabba the Hutt a visit then.”

 “My thoughts exactly.” He replied clenching his fist. She wanted to say something about restraint or warn him to be careful or call him down from the edge. But she couldn’t. She simply hoped that as long as he believed he was in the presence of a Jedi master, he’d behave more diplomatically. Although, she was starting to think he wasn’t truly convinced she was one. He played along, of course, but there was doubt in his eyes when he looked at her. “So how come I’ve never seen you around the temple?” he asked as they climbed back up the ridge to where they’d left the speeder bikes.

 “Oh, well…” she scrambled to find a good enough excuse. It would be easy if she was still a youngling since he didn’t come near them, but most masters take turns teaching classes and you at least see them around, even if you’ve not met them all. “I’m rarely at the temple. I prefer to let the force dictate my direction rather than the senate.” She grinned at him.

 “Must be nice to not be ordered around all the time.” he commented.

 “It is and it isn’t,” she replied. “The force guides me, but rarely in easy directions. I never know where I’m going or what to expect. At least the council gives you briefings.” She chuckled, thinking about all the time spent being bored while one of the masters droned on about the latest mission. And how her and Anakin had often made faces at each other during them. Or lewd imitations of master Yoda or master Windu. Thinking back, it was surprising they survived that war, they hardly ever took it seriously. They did on the battlefield of course, when it was do or die. But the rest of the time it had just been a game to them. Not all of us did survive it… she reminded herself.

 “You sound like you miss it.” He said. She glanced at him hoping he couldn’t see the water building in her eyes.

 “The path I’m on can get very lonely,” she said hoarsely, trying to swallow her emotions. She had just told him to always act on his, but if she acted on hers… Well, it could really screw things up. If she hadn’t already… she thought back to their kiss in the closet on the ship. Despite years of training… she had never learned restraint. I’m sorry, Skyguy.

 “You know...” he said before climbing on his speeder and starting the engine. “If you ever do come back to the temple, well, my door is always open. I’d serve with you anytime. Or we could just talk.”

 She smiled and looked down, thankful that he’d turned his back to mount the bike so he hadn’t seen the sorrow that had surely etched her face. It was amazing the difference a few months could make. It made her heart ache to know that something awful had to have happened in the short amount of time before she’d become his padawan. She was suddenly determined to do anything she could to stop what had caused him so much pain. 

 ---

 In the distance, she could just make out the domed towers of Jabba’s palace. It had taken several hours to get this far; they sped towards it in silence. With all the dust, wind and noise, it would have been pointless to try to talk anyways. She didn’t mind the quiet, his presence was enough. She could feel his anticipation mounting the closer they got to their destination. She wondered how they were going to talk their way through this. If Jabba had ordered the destruction of an entire population of drifters to capture a slave, it wasn’t likely he’d just hand her over to them. Assuming she was still alive in the first place.

 They dismounted outside and were greeted by several bounty hunters and a protocol droid. "We request an audience with the magnificent Jabba." Ahsoka said, bowing politely. While bent over she glanced at Anakin who was glaring at them with no intention of bowing. She subtly kicked him. Finally, he gave in and gave a curt nod, she figured that was the best she'd get. 

 "Right this way," the protocol droid responded not seeming to notice Anakin's hostile attitude. They followed it inside. Jabba lounged on a raised dais in the center of the room. All manner of bounty hunters or other creatures seeking his favor were crowded around the room drinking and watching skinny Twi'lik dancers prance about the room. A band was playing upbeat music in the corner and Jabba was nodding to the rhythm with his eyes closed. 

 The droid tottered over to the Hutt and whispered something to it. His eyes popped open as he glared down at them. He spoke in his own language with the droid translating. Though if she wasn't mistaken, she was certain Anakin understood him because she could feel his responses to things Jabba said before the translation was given. 

 "The mighty Jabba wishes to know why you've interrupted his party."

 "We are humbly sorry, your worship," Ahsoka replied ignoring the gagging noise that Anakin was making beside her. "We are looking for an escaped slave, and since you are the ruler of this fine planet, we came to request your assistance." Apparently she managed to grovel just enough for Jabba to be cooperative.

 "His high exalted will help you find your missing property." She had to reach out and grab Anakin's arm so he didn't respond violently to the Hutt's comments. 

 "We are most gracious, mighty Jabba. We are looking for a slave named Shmi Skywalker." She replied. 

 "The glorious Jabba suggests that you look in the dungeon. His guards recently captured a runaway hiding amongst the Tuskens. If your slave is among them, he will release it for a finders fee of 200,000 credits."

 "What?" Anakin said, reaching for his weapon only to have ten different blasters pointed at them. 

 "Pardon my young friend here, he's still learning your customs. We will gladly pay your fee if she is among your prisoners." Jabba ordered several guards to escort them to the cells, and they bowed to him, and followed them out of the room.

 "Why are you negotiating with that slug?" Anakin demanded the moment they were out of the room. "I don't have any money to give him, it's outrageous!"

 "Calm yourself," she replied. "Sometimes you have to play their games." 

 "Now you sound like my master." He scowled. 

 "And who is your master?" She asked conversationally. As if she didn't know.

 "Obi wan." He said.

 "Ah yes, master Kenobi. The negotiator." She chuckled. "There is credence in playing their little mind games, but it's not always the best way to solve a problem. Right now, we need to establish if she's even here. Which we wouldn't be able to do if we'd made Jabba mad up there." She said pointing above them. 

 He hung his head. "You're right, I'm sorry." She stopped. She hated hearing him apologize for everything. He looked at her curiously.

 "Your emotions rule you, young Skywalker. Remember what I said about focusing them into intention and clarity?"

 "Yes," he said shuffling his feet. 

 “Take a deep breath," she said waiting for him to do so. "Feel the force surround you. Good, now think about your goal. With it in sight, let the force flood around it showing you the path ahead." She watched him for a moment, his face screwed up in concentration and then his shoulders relaxed and he opened his eyes looking at her more calmly. "Now lead the way."

 She followed him into the depths of the dungeon. "I wish we could save them all." He said as they walked past cell after cell of desolate, hopeless people. 

 "Me too," she replied sadly. "But we're ill equipped at the moment to start a war with the Hutts." She saw his shoulders slump and she wanted to hug him. She remembered his pain on Kiros when he found out slavers had kidnapped its entire population. She'd promised him that she would help him wipe out slavery throughout the galaxy when the war was over, but they'd never been given that chance. At least during that mission, they'd had the help of the Jedi council and the Republic senate. Right now though, it was just the two of them, trying to save someone he was attached to. Not only would the council disapprove, if they had to resort to violence, it could cause a war between the Jedi and the Hutts. With the other war coming soon... that was the last thing they needed. 

 "Mom!" Anakin said running to a cell at the end of the second row. 

 "Ani?" The women replied coughing. She was in terrible shape. "Is it really you? My little Ani?"

 "I'm here, ma!" He replied reaching through the bars to hold her. Ahsoka felt a lump form in her throat as she watched Anakin turn into a little child in his mother's arms. "We're going to get you out of here. Hang on!" 

 "Stay here, I'll go negotiate her release." Ahsoka turned but then was called back by his mother. Shmi reached through the bars and gripped her hand tightly. Ahsoka looked at her scarred and bloody face. Her heart aching as she felt her immense pain. His mother stared up at her with pleading eyes and she understood intuitively that she was begging Ahsoka to take care of her son. She swallowed hard and nodded her promise. For just one moment, she was certain that Shmi knew the truth of who she was. She didn't know how, but... she was sure she did. Ahsoka squeezed her hand reassuringly. "I'll be right back." 

 She left them both on their knees on the dirt covered stone trying to hold each other through the thick, rusty metal bars. 

 She returned ten minutes later to find them still in the same position. She pointed the guard with the key to her cell door. He unlocked it for them and Anakin caught his mother in his arms as she tried to stand up. 

“Let’s get out of here before Jabba ups the price again.” Ahsoka mumbled, putting her arm around Shmi’s other side to help her up the stairs.

 “He did what?” Anakin asked furiously.

“Shh…” Ahsoka responded instead. “I took care of it.” Was all she’d say. She didn’t want to tell him it had cost her all but thirty credits of the money she’d been desperately trying to hold onto since the end of the Clone Wars. She didn’t want to give him anymore reasons to get angry or feel guilty. She’d paid the ransom without hesitation, even though she had a hunch Shmi wouldn’t recover from her ordeal. But at least if they could get her out of this awful, smelly place, they’d have a chance to make up for some lost time. She hoped it would be enough.

 ---

 Ahsoka left the sad scene unfolding inside the medical facility in Mos Eisley. Between the torture and the infections growing in her wounds, there wasn't a lot the doctors could do for Anakin's mother. They got her cleaned up and comfortable, but the damage had already been done. They'd called the Lars family to tell them they found her so they'd come to meet them in town right away. Padmé had stood close to Anakin's side with her arm around his back to comfort him. They all stood around Shmi's bed in their vigil of respect.

 She didn't feel as though she belonged in there, so she'd slipped outside the first chance she could. She sat on a bench in the late afternoon heat, watching the diverse crowd of aliens, humans and droids bustle about as merchants shouted trying to hock their goods, but were often drowned out by rumbling ships arriving and departing from the spaceport not far away. Anakin joined her after a while and they sat in silence watching the twin suns set behind the rounded stone tops of the sand colored buildings.

 She could feel the mountain of grief weighing him down and wished that she could have done more to help him. She'd been so sure that saving his mother had been her trial but if it had been, she'd failed miserably. What would happen now? "I'm sorry about your mother," she said softly. He didn't respond at first so she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. Tears were falling down his cheeks, but she didn't reach out to wipe them away this time.

 "Why do people we love have to die?" He asked hoarsely. She wasn't sure how to answer him at first. She thought about all the people she'd lost through the years. Each one more painful than the last. She'd never let herself ask why, it was just the way it was. Some people live, some people die. There never seemed to be a rhyme or reason to who was chosen for either. Losing him had been the hardest for her. She'd spent many sleepless nights asking the force why she'd survived when he hadn't. She'd never been given an acceptable explanation. Maybe there wasn't one.

 "I don't know," she said at last. "I guess it's the cost of living. I like to think though, that once they become part of the force, they're not really gone. If anything, they're closer than ever. Something we can reach to when we're feeling alone. Something that gives us strength when we're scared or lost. They become part of everything we do and in their memory, we keep fighting for what's good. And use their energy only for peace and light. To honor them." As her words fell in the space between them, he reached out and took her hand. Holding it as if that simple act could cure anything. She poured all the love that she contained into her hand so that he would feel it.

 “I feel like I failed her.” He said after a long time.

 “You didn’t.” she replied simply. I’m the one that failed…

 “How can you be so sure? I didn’t save her! I wasn’t strong enough!”

 “Strength had nothing to do with it, Anakin. And you did save her. Maybe not her life, but you saved her soul. She had a chance to say goodbye to someone she thought she lost ages ago. You made her life complete. You brought her peace. Don’t ignore that.”

 “You said the force often guides you in difficult directions.” She nodded at his comment. “I’m glad it led you here.” She smiled at him, but before she could respond, Padme came out of the medical facility and they let go of each other’s hand.

 “I’m so sorry, Anakin.” The senator said hugging him. Anakin looked over Padme’s shoulder at Ahsoka a little sheepishly. She just gestured to carry on and went back to watching the sunset. Though she couldn’t help but watch them out of the corner of her eye. After everything she’d shared with him, it hurt to see their intimacy. She had no reason to be jealous really, there was no hope for them in this time; or her own, for that matter. She looked down at her drab but practical attire. The high neck tunic, long pants, gloves, boots and plain belt. Next to Senator Amidala’s sky-blue two-piece attire, long flowing curly brown hair and elaborate silver headpiece, why would he find her attractive anyways? She dressed to fight, the senator… well she dressed to impress.

 Her attention shifted to the little blue and white astromech droid that rolled up to where they were gathered, followed by a silver protocol droid that looked like he’d never been finished.

 “Artoo? What are you doing here?” Padme asked as though annoyed to see the droid. If only she knew how special he was. R2D2 beeped a series of different noises.

 “He says he’s carrying a message from an Obi wan Kenobi. Do you know anyone by that name? I tried to get him to wait on the ship until you returned, my lady, but he was quite insistent it was important to tell you immediately.” The protocol droid chattered.

 They hailed a rickshaw to take them to the shuttleport; after climbing in the two-seater with the senator, Anakin called back to Ahsoka to see if she was coming. Ahsoka shrugged but then said she’d meet them there. She politely said goodbye to the Lars family, offering them her condolences and then ran down the street; raced past the rickshaw, climbed up a building, looked back in their direction and winked at him, then she flipped over the far wall smiling to herself. Even if she knew she couldn’t come between him and Padme, she couldn’t stop herself from showing off just a little. His expression had been priceless. As interested as he was in Senator Amidala, he was still a man of action and all this diplomacy and chivalry was boring him to death.

[spacegirlinorbit]

Help Me Understand

Part 1

Obi wan x reader

Angst, fluff

Takes place during ROTS. Y/n there to be by Obi wan side as he discovers the truth behind the abrupt turn of events in the war, Anakin becoming darth vadar, and eventually how he will come to fight him.

Let’s be honest now, I don’t know how the fuck Obi wan did this without falling to pieces and having multiple breakdowns on the spot

Angst prompts :“I don’t want space. I want you. ...I need you, please stay with me.” “You don’t have to face him alone, you’re not alone.” 

SIDENOTE: ‘//’ when its one parenthesis's they are talking through the force and when its double ‘’ like normal its being said aloud 

We all felt it. The shift in the force and environment of the entire infinite galaxy. Jedi all connected felt the buzz in the air and their connections faltering causing minor pain of links being cut without warning. The force connected the Jedi to all things. Alive and dead. The war that we have been fighting has taken a turn for the worst. It wasn’t hard to suspect what was taking place, but even I knew as I felt the confusion in the force right before my fellow Jedi fell. 

Chancellor Palpatine had called for Order 66. 

We were not prepared for our own army to turn against us, but here we are. I try to silence the force as it overwhelms with my sensitivity to see and feel the emotional tethers that connect Jedi to the force. Jedi face a war within their walls. The clones have turned on them and a power shift has caused a rift in the force. 

I, friends with Obi-wan and Anakin, have been asked to stay with Padme. To protect her while they fight their battles. I did not mind seeing as Padme and I have grown to be friends over the years as her a senator and me a Jedi. 

Many times we have been stationed on Coruscant doing our diplomatic duties to the republic. Only now I fear, those efforts were for nothing. 

As the pain fell away, I reached out to the force and let the force guide me to my brothers and sisters. My heart felt like it was being stabbed a thousand times over as they all fell with grace. 

May the force be with you. A tear ran down my face and I drew out of the force. 

Then I hear it like a distant dream, ‘My love’ whispers softly that I barely caught it. 

“Obi- Wan?” I say aloud with a gasp, he’s never called me that before.  ‘Are you okay? Are you safe?’

‘I am now, dear. I have just received contact from Senator Organa. I am going to meet him now and Master Yoda.  Are you safe? Are you and Padme safe?’

‘Yes, Obi. We are safe for now. I fear the clones will come for me any minute.’ 

‘Be vigilant and I’ll be there soon.’ He says and I can hear and feel the frustrations in his heart and mind. Confusing times and the stress on top of it all doesn’t help it. 

‘Stay safe, Obi. Please.’ I try to contain my composure on the outside but on the inside I can’t hide my dread and panicked state. 

‘You too, y/n.’ 

‘Obi’ I reach out a bit more with a bit of harshness like I was crashing into him. 

‘Yes?’ He breathes. I want to question what he meant before. My love. Sure he’s called me nicknames before but that’s nothing new for the flirty handsome Jedi master. But that felt different. 

I decide against bringing it up now. ‘Just...get back to me once you have received news. I’ll keep my comlink open.’

‘Will do, dove.’ 

The connection is cut. We pull away from the force and I sit on the couch lowering my head into my hands. 

“What’s wrong, y/n?” Padme asks standing by the window she has been staring out of. 

“Nothing. Just talked to Obi.” She looks at me confused and then her face resorts to understanding. 

“The force.” She says. 

“Yes. He is safe. Something has shifted in the war, but everything will be fine.” I say trying not to have the emotional pregnant woman burst into tears. 

“C3PO.” I say as he walks into the room. He nods to me and walks over to Padme. 

“The chancellor's office indicated Master Anakin returned to the Jedi Temple. Don’t worry. I’m sure he’ll be alright.” C3PO relays to Padme. 

I knew it from the moment I felt in the force earlier. Master Anakin Skywalker has fallen to the dark side. 

Padme can’t hold back the sob and pours out her emotions as she cries into her hand, hugging her body with the other. I get up and do my best to soothe her. Padme has been on edge when it comes to Anakin and with the senate nothing has been looking good lately.

“Come sit down.” I tell her and pull her to the couch. I know she doesn’t need to hear it to know what C3PO’s message actually meant. But I feel it within her and in myself that maybe there's hope for Anakin. 

I look out the window from the couch and see the jedi temple up in smoke and burning down slowly as it’s licked with flames spread about the temple. I don’t even want to try to reach out to Anakin for fear of what will confirm that I should be hopeless after all. Probably best for my protection anyway. If he’s at the temple now and he hasn’t detected a change in me I could be good as dead. 

So I do the one thing I never thought I would have to do. I cut myself off my the force. I hide my presence and make it ordinary. Like a switch has been turned off but a very powerful switch that will and can leave people wondering if I live or died. I just need to buy time in order for Anakin not to sense me. 

I watch out the window and as I suspected I see Anakin make his way through the other speeders and fighters in the sky. It’s now or never. 

“Padme listen to me. I have to hide now. Obi wan has told me the clones have turned on us Jedi. I sense Anakin on his way. He will be able to protect you now. Meanwhile I must go and see if fellow Jedi are still alive in the building. But please don’t relay any of this to Anakin. Just tell him I went out and I haven’t been back. Don’t let him know you know about the clones.” I talk fast knowing I only have two minutes before Anakin arrives. 

“Of course. Is he really-“ I can see it in her eyes as she hesitates to finish her question. 

“All I know is that he loves you. Have hope.” She nods and squeezes my hands as she takes them into hers. Letting me know it’s okay. 

Everything is not okay. Everybody knows it. 

I go inside Padme's bedroom and go to her bathroom. And hop on the counter to prop myself up into the ceiling vents. I climb through the ceiling vents so I’m close to where Padme and Anakin stand on the balcony. 

“What happened?” I hear Padme. 

“The Jedi tried to overthrow the Republic.” Lies. Anakin sounds different. Something is terribly off about him but with my force down to insure my safety I can’t figure out what. 

“I can’t believe that.” Padme acts well considering what I have told her. Her senator instincts must be kicking in.

“..Master Windu..” it’s getting hard for me to hear as the vents start to rumble slightly at the cooling system turning on. “assassinate the chancellor…”

No. I felt it in the force right before I cut it off. Master Windu had died and somehow Anakin was a part of it. 

“My loyalties lie with the chancellor.” Well damn be the republic now. 

“With the senate and with you.” He finishes. Maybe Padme is Anakin's only hope out of this. 

“What about Obi-wan? Y/n?” She mentions me as the system starts to fade out. I can hear them better now. 

“I don’t know. Many Jedi have been killed.” You can hear no remorse or sadness or any sort of pain in his voice. He barely spares a word for Obi-wan. His teacher. His friend. His brother. 

I pick up on their conversation and hear Anakin mention his mission from the chancellor. I must warn Obi-wan now. 

I climb out of the vents back to the bathroom and make my way down onto the counter and soon out of the room. Padme can be seen clearly in distress. 

“He said wait for me.” She tells me. 

“I know. Padme you can not let him know what you know. You’re pregnant as well and should rest. Don’t need the stress to kill you.” I joke with her giving her a small smile. She nods and heads to her room to sleep. I know she won’t sleep well without Anakin or knowing he is safe, but at least she is resting. 

I meditate on the floor in front of the large expanse of the window. I fill my body with its spirit and energy course my veins. My force has returned. 

‘DOVE! Y/N!’ I hear through the force immediately it almost makes me physically falter. 

‘Obi!’ I yell back trying to trace him through the force. Finally we collided and our energies reach out hand in hand to one another. I can feel him reach relief as he connects with me. 

‘You’re shaken. What’s wrong? Why couldn’t I sense you? I thought I lost you. Are you okay?’ 

‘Obi calm down. I’m safe. Anakin was just here to see Padme I had to hide myself from the force so he wouldn’t detect me.’ 

‘Oh thank the stars, I-I thought-‘ I can feel him sigh. ‘Please warn me before you do that. I thought you were gone.’ 

‘I’m sorry.’ I try to ease by reaching out with feelings of calmness and serenity as focus on regaining my power with the force. 

‘I-‘ We both start and Obi speaks up again. 

‘You first.’ 

‘Anakin he is different.’ 

‘Master yoda and I have just discussed Anakin. He’s changed hasn’t he?’ I feel Obi Wan falter in his feelings. It’s an ache in his heart and he’s in pain and conflicted but it’s controlled. He was always good at controlling his feelings. It’s what made him the best. I admire him for it. How he is able to do what I can not most days. 

I have to tempt my feelings for Obi Wan down quickly. I can’t let him know. Never. We’re in a war. We are Jedi. And our friend needs our help. 

‘Yes, but I feel there is hope for him yet. He is strong with the force. He’ll make the right decision.” I pray my words will ring with truth. 

‘I know.’

‘Obi-‘’ 

‘I’m coming back to Coruscant. We have to figure out how to decode the clones.’

‘We?’ 

‘Yes, you’re the best at decoding well anything really. We could use your help.’

‘Then I will help you anyway I can. May the force be you, Obi-wan.’ 

Later that night Padme had received word that a senate meeting was to be held in the morning. Perfect. I can meet Obi Wan then as she is in the meeting. 

The next day, I received word that Obi was landing on Coruscant at the Jedi temple in an hour. I make my leave from Padme giving her a hug and telling her to keep her blaster on her just in case. I told her I was going to make myself scarce and left quietly and quickly from the Senate building to the Jedi temple. By the time I arrived I see Kenobi and Yoda have done the work of taking out the clones. It’s a sad sight to see the army that was helping you fight the war was just propaganda to fight against you.

(Part 1/2) 

A/N: THIS all took up ten pages on google docs and so I had to make a part 2 lol