#i just want to survive without struggling constantly | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

helen-with-an-a · 5 months ago

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Heyy, i hope you're doing well! I wanted to ask if you would be down to write a fic based on the song "drown" by bring me the horizon. I absolutely love this song and it has a place in my heart because this band and also this song carried me through some dark times ( I cried so hard when i heard that song live for the first time 2 months ago xD) . Maybe it could be a barca x reader fic that also deals with $elf h@rm if that is a topic you're comfortable writing about, because reading books and fan fics about this topic has been helping me immensely with my own recovery. So if this is an idea that interests you I would love to read that fic, but if it's a topic you're just not comfortable with feel free to just ignore this ask. (But seriously listen to drown it's such a beautiful song)

Hiiiiii - I hope I did this request and song justice. Please know if you are struggling, you are loved. You are so, so loved and people want to help you. I know asking for help is really hard, but I promise it is worth it. You are worth it.

Drowning

Barça femeni x reader

Description: R feels like she is drowning and the team comes to help her

Word Count: 5.4k

TW: Undescribed Self Harm; Brief mentions of cutting; Bad mental health

Kelly Clarkson once sang that whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, that it turns you into a fighter, and helps you stand a little taller. Those words are meant to inspire resilience, to remind you that adversity is supposed to build character and fortify your spirit. But as much as you wanted to believe that, as much as you tried to let those lyrics resonate in your heart, the truth is, you weren’t sure if they were true. You wished with every fibre of your being that they were, but deep down, you felt the weight of life’s challenges pressing down on you. Instead of feeling stronger, you often felt worn down, as if the struggles you faced had chipped away at your resolve rather than bolstered it.

You wanted to feel like a fighter, to stand taller in the face of hardship, but more often than not, you found yourself struggling just to stay on your feet. It was as if each obstacle left a scar that made it harder to move forward, rather than easier. The hope that you’d emerge stronger sometimes felt like a distant dream, and you wondered if that strength Kelly sang about was something you’d ever truly feel.

Half the time, it felt like you were floating – weightless, as if you were drifting through life without a solid anchor. There was a strange sensation of being unmoored, detached from the world around you, almost as if you were existing in a bubble that separated you from everything real and tangible. In those moments, you felt neither grounded nor fully present, as if the weight of your worries and responsibilities had somehow lifted, but so had your sense of purpose and direction. You were there, but not really there – drifting in a kind of limbo where everything seemed just out of reach.

The other half of the time, it felt like you were drowning – barely able to keep your head above the water as the weight of everything threatened to pull you under. The world seemed to close in around you, the pressures and responsibilities of life crashing over you like relentless waves. Each day felt like a struggle just to stay afloat, as if you were constantly treading water in an ocean of overwhelming emotions, fears, and uncertainties.

Your mind was a whirlpool, dragging you down into dark, turbulent depths where it was hard to breathe, hard to think, and hard to see any way out. Every little thing seemed like an anchor, dragging you further beneath the surface, making it harder and harder to find the strength to push back up. The sensation of drowning was terrifying – your heart raced, your breath quickened, and panic took hold as you fought desperately to survive the relentless tide.

In these moments, it felt like you were being suffocated by the weight of your own thoughts and emotions, as if they were water filling your lungs, making it impossible to take a full breath. You tried to fight against it, to keep yourself above the water, but the effort was exhausting, leaving you drained and gasping for air. The more you struggled, the deeper you seemed to sink, and the idea of finding solid ground again felt increasingly out of reach.

There was one thing that brought you a small measure of comfort, a fleeting moment of relief that made you feel a little better. It was like a lifeline thrown to you in the middle of the chaos. Just for that brief instant, your feet were on solid ground again, and you felt a sense of stability that had been missing for so long. In that split second, you weren’t drowning in the suffocating depths of your anxieties, nor were you floating aimlessly through the fog of disconnection.

Instead, you felt anchored, grounded in a reality that was steady and secure. It was as if the storm inside you had paused, and the world had stopped spinning just long enough for you to catch your breath. In that moment, you were fully present, aware of yourself and your surroundings in a way that made everything else fade into the background. The weight that usually pressed so heavily on your chest lifted, and for that brief period, you were able to stand tall and feel the earth beneath you, firm and unwavering.

It didn’t last long – those moments of clarity and peace never did. They slipped away as quickly as they came, like sand through your fingers, leaving you once again adrift in the chaos of your thoughts. The sense of calm and stability that you craved was always fleeting, a temporary reprieve that left you yearning for more. But in the aftermath, when the world once again became overwhelming and your mind descended back into the chaos there was one thing that lingered: the small, neat red lines.

These lines were the only reminder of that brief lucidity, etched into your skin like a secret code that only you could understand. They were delicate but precise, almost methodical in their appearance, as if each one was a calculated attempt to bring some order to the chaos within.

The red lines were your way of marking time, of grounding yourself in a reality that often felt too slippery to hold onto. In those moments when clarity slipped away, when you were once again floating or drowning, they were there to remind you that, for just a moment, you had found your footing. The pain they brought was real, sharp, and immediate – something that could cut through the numbness and confusion, anchoring you back to the present.

It hadn’t always been like this. There was a time when life was simpler, when the world seemed brighter and full of possibilities. Your dad used to tell you stories of when you were just a baby, how you were the very picture of happiness – all gummy smiles and infectious giggles that could light up a room. He would describe how your laughter was so pure, so full of joy, that it could make even the grumpiest person smile. In his eyes, you were a little bundle of sunshine, radiating warmth and love wherever you went.

You often wondered what happened to that little girl, the one who seemed to find joy so easily in everything around her. Where did she go? What changed between those carefree days and now, when the world feels so heavy and your heart so burdened? You tried to remember the last time you felt that kind of unrestrained happiness, but the memories were hazy, like trying to recall a dream that had long since faded.

You couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when things started to shift, when the lightness began to slip away, replaced by something much darker. Maybe it was a gradual process, so slow and subtle that you didn’t notice it happening until one day you woke up and realised that the little girl who used to laugh so easily was gone. Or maybe it was something more abrupt, a single event that changed everything, though you couldn’t quite remember what it might have been.

There were times when you’d catch a glimpse of her, that little girl, in the mirror – perhaps in a fleeting smile or a brief moment of joy – but she was always just out of reach, like a shadow that vanished as soon as you tried to hold onto it. The happiness that once came so naturally now felt like a distant memory, something that belonged to a different time, a different version of yourself.

You couldn’t help but feel a sense of loss, a mourning for the person you used to be, for the life you used to live. What had happened to that carefree spirit, the one who saw the world as a place of wonder and possibility? Where did all those smiles and giggles go, replaced by the weight of anxiety and the burden of unspoken sadness?

You wished you could find your way back to her, to that little girl who knew how to be happy without even trying. But the path seemed unclear, the way forward uncertain, and all you were left with were the memories of who you used to be and the quiet hope that maybe, someday, you might rediscover that lost joy.

Ingrid had sensed that something was off the very first time she met you. It was as if she could see right through the façade you were trying so hard to maintain. You were just 17 at the time, still so young, yet there was something about the way you carried yourself that spoke of a weariness far beyond your years. Most teenagers were full of restless energy, eager to explore the world and discover who they were, but you – there was a heaviness in your eyes, a kind of fatigue that no child should ever have to bear.

When you stood before her, Ingrid could see that the weight of the world was already pressing down on your shoulders. It was in the way you held yourself, as if every movement took a conscious effort, every step a deliberate act to keep from being overwhelmed by the burden you carried. You tried to smile, to present yourself as just another teenager navigating the usual challenges of adolescence, but even your smile seemed strained, like it was something you had to force rather than something that came naturally.

Ingrid noticed how you seemed to shrink into yourself, as if trying to make yourself smaller, less noticeable, perhaps in the hope that the world might go easier on you if you took up less space. But it was impossible to ignore the sadness that lingered behind your eyes, a sadness that seemed to have settled there long before its time. It was as if you had lived through experiences that had aged you in ways that others your age couldn’t begin to understand.

There was an unspoken tension in the way you interacted with others, a hesitation that suggested you had learned to guard yourself carefully. Ingrid could tell that you were wary of letting anyone get too close, as if you were afraid that if someone saw too much, they might unravel the carefully constructed image you were trying so desperately to hold together. It was a kind of self-protection, a shield you had built to keep the world at arm’s length, but Ingrid could see through it.

She saw the exhaustion etched into your posture, the way your shoulders slumped ever so slightly, as if the weight you carried was too much to bear alone. And though you were still just a teenager, still supposed to be discovering the joys and freedoms of youth, there was an undeniable gravity about you, a maturity born out of hardship that no one your age should have had to endure.

She had gone straight to Mapí, her heart heavy with worry and a sense of urgency she couldn’t ignore. Mapí had always been her anchor, the one person she could turn to when everything else seemed to be spiralling out of control. There was a comfort in Mapí’s presence, a kind of steady reassurance that made the world feel a little less chaotic. And in that moment, when she felt like she was drowning in her own thoughts, there was no one else she could think of who could help her make sense of it all.

As she approached Mapí, she could see the girl was already watching her, those perceptive eyes filled with a quiet understanding. Mapí had always been like that – intuitive, almost as if she could sense when something was wrong without a single word being spoken. It was as if she could read the unspoken emotions, the things that others overlooked or dismissed, and she knew just how to respond without being told.

“I’m worried about her,” Ingrid said quietly to Mapí, her voice tinged with concern as she gestured with her head in your direction. There was a seriousness in her tone that caught Mapí’s attention immediately. Ingrid wasn’t one to express worry lightly; if she was concerned, it meant something was truly wrong.

“Who?” Mapí asked, her brow furrowing slightly as she tried to follow Ingrid’s line of sight. She turned to see who Ingrid was referring to, her eyes scanning the room until they landed on you.

“Den lille,” Ingrid replied softly. It was a name that fit you perfectly, even though you were no longer a small child. To Ingrid, you would always be den lille, the one who needed looking after, the one she couldn’t help but worry about.

Mapí’s gaze lingered on you, taking in the way you sat off to the side, your shoulders hunched slightly as if you were trying to make yourself invisible. She saw the way your fingers absentmindedly traced the edges of your shorts, a nervous habit she had noticed before but never truly understood until now. There was something about your posture, the way you seemed so withdrawn, that tugged at her heart. You looked like you were carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and it didn’t sit right with Mapí.

“She’s been different lately,” Ingrid continued, her voice barely above a whisper, as if saying the words out loud would somehow make them more real. “I’m scared, María.”

Mapí’s heart ached at Ingrid’s words. The concern in Ingrid’s voice was palpable, a stark contrast to the usual composed and confident demeanour she typically displayed. The way Ingrid had hesitated before speaking, the trembling edge to her voice, suggested that this was more than just a fleeting worry – it was a deep, gnawing fear that had taken root in her heart.

Mapí turned her full attention to you, her eyes softening. There was an undeniable shift in your demeanour that had been building over time, and it was clear now that Ingrid’s fears were not unfounded. The way you sat, so isolated and withdrawn, seemed like a cry for help that was too quiet to be heard. Mapí could feel the gravity of the situation pressing down on her, the realisation that something needed to be done before it was too late.

“Ale will know what to do,” Mapí said with false bravado, trying to mask the tremor in her voice behind a veneer of confidence. Her words were meant to reassure Ingrid, to offer a glimmer of hope amidst the growing uncertainty, but inside, she felt a pang of doubt.

Mapí had always relied on Alexia’s wisdom and experience, believing her to be someone who could handle even the most complex of situations with ease. She had a way of approaching problems with calm assurance and a strategic mindset that often brought clarity and solutions where there seemed to be none. Mapí hoped that, with Alexia’s involvement, they could find a way to help you navigate the turmoil you were experiencing.

She knew, however, that this situation was different. The weight of it felt heavier, more personal. Her usually steadfast confidence was being tested, and despite her efforts to maintain a brave front, she couldn’t completely suppress the anxiety that gnawed at her.

Ingrid glanced at Mapí, a mixture of hope and scepticism in her eyes. “You really think so?” she asked, her voice laced with both trust and apprehension.

“Absolutely,” Mapí replied, her tone firm despite the fluttering unease in her chest.

Alexia had noticed the changes in you too, though her observations were more subtle, filtered through a lens of quiet concern rather than overt worry. She had seen you through different stages of life, from the carefree moments of adolescence to the more introspective phases, but lately, something had shifted, and she couldn’t ignore the signs any longer.

It was in the way you interacted with others, or rather, how you had started to withdraw from those interactions. Alexia, who had always admired your vibrant energy and effortless charm, now saw you retreating into yourself. The once bright and engaging conversations seemed to dwindle, replaced by a more subdued presence that she struggled to reconcile with the person she once knew.

She noticed how you would often linger on the periphery of group activities, participating only half-heartedly, if at all. Your laughter, which used to come so easily, had become rare and forced, a stark contrast to the genuine joy that used to light up your face. Even your physical appearance had changed; where there was once a confident posture, there was now a noticeable slouch, a sign of the weight you seemed to be carrying.

Alexia also observed the small, telling habits that had shifted. The way you fidgeted with your clothes or avoided eye contact during conversations spoke volumes about your internal struggle. It was as if you were trying to make yourself as inconspicuous as possible, a stark departure from the once lively and assertive person she had known.

“Ale, we need to talk,” Mapí said firmly, cornering Alexia in the changing rooms after training one afternoon. Her voice was low and serious, carrying an undertone of urgency that instantly drew Alexia’s full attention. The usual post-training chatter and the clamor of lockers being shut were fading into the background as the gravity of Mapí’s tone cut through the noise.

“Is everything okay?” Alexia asked, her voice betraying a hint of concern as she met Mapí’s gaze. The look in Mapí’s eyes was one Alexia hadn’t seen very often – an earnestness and resolve that spoke of something deeper than just a casual chat. The air between them seemed to thicken with unspoken tension, the room suddenly feeling smaller, more confined as the weight of the conversation settled in.

“No, it’s not,” Ingrid replied, her tone steady but laden with emotion.

Three sets of eyes turned to look at you, the subject of their concern. You sat on a bench, somewhat apart from the group, absorbed in your own thoughts, unaware of the intensity of the discussion unfolding just a few feet away. The distance between you and the others was more than physical; it was as though a chasm had opened up, underscoring the emotional divide that had grown.

You looked so tired. It was a weariness that went beyond physical exhaustion, a heaviness that seemed to seep into your very bones. The vibrant energy that once defined you had dimmed, leaving behind a shadow of your former self.

Your eyes, which used to sparkle with curiosity and joy, were now clouded with a fatigue that spoke volumes about the battles you were fighting internally. They were deep and dark, the kind of tiredness that comes from sleepless nights and unspoken worries. The once bright and animated expression you wore had given way to a distant gaze that struggled to focus on the world around you. When you did look up, it was with a slow, measured effort, as if the simple act of meeting someone’s eyes required more energy than you had to spare. Your gaze seemed to drift in and out of focus, mirroring the exhaustion that you felt but could not escape.

Your training top seemed far too big on you now, the fabric hanging off you like a draped shroud. It was as if the clothes themselves reflected the way you had withdrawn from the world; they looked oversized and loose, emphasising the contrast between your current state and the vibrant person you used to be.

Every small movement you made seemed laboured, as though even the simplest actions required a tremendous amount of effort. Your shoulders slouched slightly, as if weighed down by an invisible burden that made every step feel heavier. The casual confidence that once characterised your movements had been replaced by a tentative, almost cautious mannerism, as though you were trying to conserve every ounce of energy you had.

Your breathing was steady but shallow, and every now and then, you let out a sigh that seemed to escape from somewhere deep inside you – a sigh that spoke of exhaustion and resignation. The small, subtle gestures you made, like tucking your hands into your sleeves or curling your legs up on the bench, were instinctive attempts to find some semblance of comfort or protection in a moment where you felt particularly vulnerable.

“Oh, cariño,” Alexia whispered, her heart breaking at the sight of you. The term of endearment slipped from her lips like a soft breath of sorrow, laden with a depth of feeling that words alone could not fully convey. It was a tender utterance meant to bridge the emotional chasm that seemed to separate you from everyone around you.

As Alexia watched you, her eyes were filled with a deep sadness that mirrored the gravity of the moment. The sight of you, sitting apart from the group, lost in your own thoughts, was more than Alexia could bear. Her heart ached as she took in the full extent of your weariness. It was clear that this was not just a fleeting moment of fatigue but a profound, ongoing struggle that had seeped into your very being. The vibrant spirit she once knew seemed overshadowed by a deep, unspoken sorrow that had taken hold.

You weren’t sure why you phoned Ona, out of all people. It wasn’t like you were particularly close with her; in fact, your interactions with her had always been somewhat limited and casual. You knew her mostly through mutual friends and shared activities, exchanging pleasantries and brief conversations but never delving deeply into each other's lives. Yes, you considered her a friend, but your one-on-one time had been minimal, mostly restricted to group settings or casual encounters. She wasn’t someone you confided in regularly, nor did you have a history of sharing personal struggles or intimate details.

Yet, in the midst of your crisis, when everything felt out of control and the world seemed to have narrowed to the confines of your bathroom floor, Ona’s name was the first to come to mind. You sat there, the cold tiles pressing against your legs, a razor gripped tightly in one hand, its cold edge a stark reminder of the darkness you were grappling with. Your thoughts were a swirling mix of desperation and confusion, and in that chaotic mental fog, Ona’s name emerged almost instinctively.

It was an odd choice, and you struggled to understand it yourself. Perhaps it was the nature of your relationship with her – though not deeply personal, it was still a connection that felt solid enough to offer some semblance of support. Sometimes, the familiarity of a person, even if not deeply entrenched, can provide a sense of comfort in moments of profound vulnerability. Ona had always been approachable and kind, traits that, despite the limited interaction, might have seemed reassuring in your current state.

There was also something to be said for the randomness of human emotion and instinct. In moments of deep distress, the mind often grasps at whatever feels familiar, even if it’s not the most logical choice. Ona, being someone who had always been friendly and supportive, perhaps embodied a sense of stability and kindness that was desperately needed in that moment.

“Hola?” Her voice came through the phone, laden with sleep, thick with the grogginess of having been abruptly roused from slumber. There was a softness to her tone, a slow, drowsy lilt that spoke of the deep relaxation she had been in just moments before. The initial, half-hearted curiosity in her voice quickly sharpened into something more alert as she processed the unusual hour and the unexpected call.

“I …” You began, but the words caught in your throat, tangled with the overwhelming emotions that had gripped you. Your voice trembled, barely more than a whisper, laden with a mixture of vulnerability and desperation. It was as if the sheer effort of making the call had drained you, leaving only a fragile thread of sound that barely carried your intent.

“Pequeña?” Ona’s voice was suddenly more awake, filled with concern. The fragility in your voice, so unlike the casual exchanges you had shared before, pierced through her initial drowsiness. The realisation that something was seriously wrong caused her to sit upright in bed, the sense of alarm and urgency pushing away the remnants of sleep.

“Help me,” you managed to utter, the words escaping in a pained whisper

You woke up in hospital. The room cold and sterile. The first thing you noticed was the biting chill that seemed to seep into your very bones, despite the layers of blankets draped over you. The air felt thin and clinical – you had never known such an impersonal space existed. The walls were a clinical shade of white, interrupted only by the occasional piece of medical equipment or the sparse, functional décor meant to provide minimal distraction. The lighting was bright and unyielding, casting a harsh glare that made the room feel even colder and more impersonal. The fluorescent lights overhead buzzed softly, their steady hum creating a rhythm that seemed oddly out of place.

Your bed, positioned at the centre of the room, was surrounded by a fortress of medical paraphernalia. An IV drip hung beside you, its clear fluids slowly trickling down a tube that was taped to your arm. The beeping of a heart monitor provided a steady, monotonous cadence, a reminder of the life support systems that were now a part of your immediate environment. The rhythmic sound was oddly comforting and unnerving all at once, a constant reminder of your current state and the care being provided.

The air was filled with a faint, antiseptic scent – a mix of cleaning agents and medicinal odours that seemed to hang in the atmosphere like an unwelcome guest. It was a smell that clung to everything, from the freshly laundered hospital sheets to the disposable gowns and sterile gloves that the medical staff wore.

There was a warm weight in your right hand. It took you a moment to realise what it was. A hand. A hand connected to an arm, that led to a shoulder, that was attached to a whole person. The fingers resting gently in your grasp were familiar and comforting, their gentle pressure offering a steady reassurance. You turned your head slightly, and through the haze of your groggy state, you saw the face of the person whose hand you were holding.

“Hi,” Ona smiled softly, her expression a blend of warmth and reassurance.

“Hi,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. It was a weak echo of her greeting, laden with the exhaustion and vulnerability you felt. Your gaze drifted to the hand still resting in yours. She followed your stare, squeezing gently when she realised what you were looking at.

“The others have got to get food,” Ona continued, her voice gentle but firm. “It’s just us, if you want to talk.”

“What’s there to talk about?” you countered, the words a defense mechanism. If you denied it, it would all go away.

“Do not play dumb, pequeña.” Ona’s voice carried a note of gentle reproach. Her tone was soft but resolute.

“I …” you began, but the words seemed to falter before they could take shape. The enormity of your emotions was difficult to articulate, and the effort to speak felt almost insurmountable. You struggled to find the right words, your thoughts jumbled and disjointed.

But how could she truly understand? What little you knew about her life seemed almost painfully perfect by comparison. From the outside, Ona’s existence appeared to be a seamless tapestry of success and happiness. Her football career was thriving, each game a testament to her skill and dedication. She was admired and celebrated by teammates and fans alike, her talent on the field a source of pride and achievement.

Her relationship was also the stuff of dreams. Ona had Lucy, someone who seemed to bring out the best in her, their interactions marked by genuine affection and mutual support. They were often seen together, sharing moments of joy and laughter that spoke of a deep and abiding connection. Their bond was one of those rare partnerships that seemed to transcend the everyday challenges, offering a glimpse into a love that was both passionate and enduring.

Her circle of friends appeared to be equally ideal. They were supportive and loyal, always there for one another through thick and thin. The camaraderie and warmth of their friendship were evident in the way they interacted, their shared moments of happiness and mutual encouragement. It was a friendship that seemed to offer a solid foundation, a network of support that was both comforting and reliable.

And then there was her family – an image of stability and happiness. They were often seen together, their interactions filled with laughter and love. The family dynamic seemed to be one of mutual respect and genuine affection, a supportive backdrop to Ona’s life that added to the picture of her seemingly perfect existence.

In contrast, your own life felt chaotic and fraught with difficulties. The weight of your struggles seemed all the more daunting when juxtaposed against Ona’s polished image. It was easy to feel that her understanding of your pain was limited, that the perfection you saw in her life might somehow preclude her from fully grasping the depth of your own challenges. You wondered if her empathy was genuine or if it was simply a reflection of her innate kindness, an attempt to reach across the chasm of your differences and offer comfort despite the apparent disparity between your lives.

“If you don’t want to talk yet, that’s fine. But let me show you something.” She pushed up her sleeve.

C O N T ; N U E

“You’re not alone in this, pequeña. No one is ever alone.” Ona’s voice was steady, a soft but firm anchor amidst the storm. She shifted slightly, her fingers gently tracing over a tattoo on her arm. “I got this just after I moved to England,” she began, her tone becoming more reflective. “I felt so alone. I didn’t speak the language very well, I had no friends, and we were in lockdown. Everything was different.” Her gaze softened as she looked at the tattoo, her fingers moving lightly over its surface, as if the act itself was a form of remembering and honouring a past struggle.

The room seemed to grow quieter, the beeping of the monitors and the distant murmur of the hospital blending into a background hum as Ona continued. “I almost did it, y’know. I was really, really close – had the bottle and everything.” Her voice wavered slightly, a rare crack in the veneer of her composed exterior. “I haven’t even told Lucy this.” She laughed humourlessly.

“Why didn’t you?” you asked, the question hanging in the air.

Ona took a deep breath, her eyes meeting yours as she smiled gently. “Alessia knocked on my door. She noticed I looked a little down and came to check on me. I don’t know if she saw the pills or not, but she stayed with me all day.” The warmth in her eyes deepened as she spoke. “She asked me to teach her some Spanish, she taught me how to make pasta from scratch. She didn’t let me leave her side for three days. Even then, as soon as she left Tooney appeared.”

“Wh-why are you telling me this?” Your voice quivered, the words struggling to get out over the lump in your throat.

Ona’s eyes softened with a blend of compassion and determination. “So that you know you’re not alone,” she began, her voice steady and full of quiet resolve. “I don’t know the ins and outs of what you’re going through, but just know that I’m here, we all are. We aren’t going anywhere.” She promised.

She paused, allowing her words to settle, as if to let the depth of her meaning fully resonate. You blinked, trying to hold back the flood of emotions that were threatening to overwhelm you. Tears began to well up in your eyes. The tears were a mixture of relief and sadness.

“You are loved, pequeña. So, so loved. And we will be here for you, no matter what, no matter how long it takes.”

386 notes · View notes

brain4stew · 3 months ago

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Can you do a mimic survivor!reader who's scary at first but surprisingly not hostile,who's a trickster as well and how they would react to readers abilities to mimic(like builderman,guest 1337,noob or chance) hcs?

Oooo, now this is quite the interesting request!! I’ll see what I can do with your request! 🫶🫶

(As always, I do not entirely know the characters exact personalities, so they might, if not most likely, will be OOC!!)

That being said, headcanons/something is under the cut! ;

(Noob)

• Let’s be real here… You always scare them for whatever reason.

• They’re constantly confused and on edge around you at first.

• Ovetime however, they just become confused and curious about you!

• They strangely enjoy your company, which, surprise them.

• In rounds, you struggle a bit to figure out which of your survivor teammates abilities to mimic…

• Noob spawned nearby you, and saw your struggle, and suggested you mimic their abilities!

• You’re a bit hesitant on it, but decide to go on with it. Now you have “Ghostburger”, “Bloxy Colas” and “Slateskin Potion”!

• You’re strangely very good with their abilities, as you managed to disappear from 1x1x1x1’s sight when being chased. (You ate a Ghostburger, and hid by one of those huge rocks…)

• Even Noob is surprised and happy about it! Teach them your ways, they really want to be able to live longer!!

• Back in the lobby, they immediately go to you, and ramble to you, about how awesome you were with their abilities, and so on!

(Chance)

• He kind of dislikes you (at first), whenever he hears the word “Mimic” he might be thinking of those… Creatures that seem like an ordinary chest or something, but aren’t.

• He’s a bit on edge around you, finding you quite strange at first. Overtime, he sees that you’re basically safe.

• He has asked you once if you can mimic his skills and play cards with him. (You won, a lot…)

• In rounds, you, yet again are struggling with whose skills you should mimic.

• Chance was in the same spawn as you, (he fell over somehow…) and decided to suggest his abilities.

• You agreed, not without double checking, seeing him just, on the ground out of the blue. (…How.)

• You gained his abilities, “Chance’s Favor”, “Hat fix”, “One Shot” and “Reroll”.

• Safe to say… You’re AWESOME, with Chance’s abilities. You could say even better than him!

• He’s a bit jealous due to that, but, what can he do, when you’re contributing to help your teammates?

• Back in the lobby, he asks you for tips, and all of that, to which you respond with; “You just have terrible luck it seems.”

• (Man, he loves and hates you now, LOL.)

(Builderman)

• He’s interested in you. You don’t seem too harmful, and he’s quite curious about you.

• He’s asked you if you can straight up just, copy, whatever someone does. (You do.)

• He has asked you if you can make something for him, which you do, and he’s even more interested and curious about you!

• In rounds, you decided to mimic his abilities.

• You’ve got “Sentry” and “Dispenser” now!

• You put the Sentry by you, when you’re doing a generator. Builderman sees it, of course, and goes to question how your ability works.

• You explain, and now he’s even more interested in you!

• Your team ends up surviving, thanks to your and Builderman’s dispensers and sentry’s.

• Back in the lobby, he keeps questioning you, and asks how you manage to mimic the abilities.

• You, happily yap away about why and how you’re like, and mimicking abilities.

• He’s listening intently, occasionally putting in comments and questions.

• Safe to say, he likes you!

(Guest 1337)

•He’s on edge and constantly avoids you, which, is reasonable, due to his previous experience with war and people.

• Overtime, he gradually becomes less and less avoidant and weary.

• He sees how you’re interacting with others, and does not hurt anyone, so he thinks you’re safe.

• In rounds, you both spawn together, but, you fall over somehow, which you both reasonably get confused at.

• You stand up of course, and struggle again with whose abilities you should mimic. He hesitates for a moment, before requesting his abilities.

• You agree, and mimic his abilities. You now have; “Block”, “Charge” and “Punch”.

• You manage to get used to his abilities, and he gives you heads up in advance when you get his abilities.

• You manage to stall the time A LOT, as the killer wanted to get you first, before they went after Guest 1337.

• Of course, you, not liking that. Charge at the killer, causing you to get their attention again. You block and punch the killer, just before the time ends.

• Back in the lobby, Guest 1337, goes to you, and asks if you want to train with him.

• You agree, and you both become sparring partners, and good friends.

• Safe to say, he likes you, even with him being weary of you.

#forsaken x reader #forsaken roblox x reader #roblox forsaken x reader #chance x reader #noob x reader #guest 1337 x reader #builderman x reader #brain4stew/l i n’s work‼️

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our-hextech-dream · 6 months ago

Text

i haven't seen anyone fully articulate what i personally felt disappointed by wrt viktor's s2 persona and ending so i guess i have to do it myself even tho i'm bad at talking!! can someone who is better at this just read my mind and say it fancier and more coherently?

agency, the loss of

i have seen people already mention the way disability came into play at the end and what a wild choice it was for jayce - born able-bodied and healthy - to be the one to tell viktor - trapped in a body that was actively killing him - that actually your disability is a part of you and made you who you are and you owe everything to it. ... huh? jayce (by which i mean the writers), do you think without his disability, viktor wouldn't have still been a genius? yes, viktor is disabled - that's not even remotely what makes him a compelling character and power player. it is his mind not his body that makes him who he is. the fact that he had to waste almost his whole life fighting against that body to achieve anything is the entire crux of his frustration - imagine what he could have dedicated his mind to if he weren't constantly struggling to find a way just to survive another year, another month, another week, one more day. have you thought about it? because he has. so yeah that whole conversation, trash. bruno mars just the way you are ass one direction that's what makes you beautiful ass argument. viktor was not going crazy over cosmetic surgery, he was trying not to die.

but it strikes me as just one more expression of an overarching theme for s2 viktor - that of the complete and total loss of his agency. (more on a meta level than in the show itself, but also in the show!) i said after act 1 that viktor had died in that explosion and jayce was going to be chasing that corpse until the end, and i was correct. viktor bounced from one mindset to another, never seeming to have any consistent ideology of his own that couldn't be changed as soon as the plot demanded it. at any given point he was just kinda... wandering around, doing some random shit with the powers that worked through him. gone was the viktor who used his own hands and mind to influence the world directly, to bend it to his will. i always always felt this and i stand by it - taking viktor's abilities as an inventor and scientist away and turning him into some arcane mage jesus figure was a mistake and a disservice to his character. arcane said no this boy wasn't smart or determined, his ability to build and invent and seek and learn don't matter and never mattered, he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and as soon as the arcane got its goop on him he just became the most specialest magic pixie dream boy to ever live and his own goals, dreams, ideals, morals, talents, skills, and hard work ceased to matter in any meaningful way. he never had to work to master magic to be able to use it to further his goals, because he immediately stopped having goals.

viktor became a non-character. he became whatever ideological and technological threat level the show needed to challenge to heroes and never more. he ceased to have any control or understanding over what was happening to him, rather he just gave up and decided to use his magic indiscriminately for whoever made the most convincing argument, a choice that would have been completely antithetical to his character up to that point if he'd still been alive. 'fuck zaunites, sure i'll turn them into robots so a foreign power can use them to attack and take over piltover and zaun, who cares. it's not like these are the people i've spent 30 years of my life trying to protect and save.' <- something viktor would never ever ever have agreed to! ever! no matter what! they have played us for absolute fools.

ambiguity, the loss of

the thing i wanted the most and was expecting because of the way viktor's original lore was set up was that the series would end with viktor and jayce unreconciled and with mutually exclusive worldviews, both fully believing they were right and the other was misguided but not evil or irredeemable, setting them up for future conflict. this felt like what was being set up when arcane made it a plot point that jayce was being convinced to turn hextech into weapons while viktor started getting unethical and unhinged with the experimentation. they both had good reasons to do what they did - and i'm absolutely not going to insult jayce's intelligence by claiming he was just manipulated into it by anyone, give me a fucking break - but the point was that both of them were doing something the other thought was misguided and dangerous. and they also felt that if they could just make the other person see their completely logical and rational pov, they could fix the divide between them and make up and be best science buddies again.

but then at the end arcane completely gave up on viktor having any belief in his own ideals. it just turned into 'aw actually he was just lonely all along and none of that science stuff or difference in morals or worldviews mattered bc he's got a buddy now and he's completely unequivocally on jayce's side. :)'

it was like. insanely selfish. as in, self-centered, concerned *only* with the self. the viktor i liked, and the one i wanted to flourish and hoped arcane would canonize, was someone who was entirely dedicated to zaun, to righting the wrongs of piltover and helping the people in the way he thought best - no matter what jayce or piltover thought about it. an ambiguous villain, just like all the other really well-written ones in arcane.

accountability, the loss of

viktor killed people. not sky, who was an accident despite his fixation on her; i'm talking at least a hundred or more zaunites during his stint as the machine herald. he ripped their minds out and made them play house with him, then turned them into weapons of war for ambessa's siege, and all of those people - primarily sick, desperate zaunites - died. this was always the entire crux of the conflict between (league) viktor and jayce giopara. viktor was willing to destroy people and use their bodies for his own gain unapologetically because he thought what he was doing was a blessing and the people were better off under his control because they would never feel fear or anger again. agree, disagree, depends on your view of free will and human nature, but the fact is that everyone who came to viktor hoping for a chance to be healed so they could pursue their own dreams and lives had those dreams and lives ripped away from them and they never got justice or even a single scrap of acknowledgement from the narrative.

in arcane, the horror of viktor's actions just... fade away into the background. viktor and jayce waltz off into magicspace together, leaving viktor's dead, ruined victims for piltover and zaun to deal with. he doesn't return their minds or bodies, he doesn't even seem to remember or care about what he had just been doing to other sentient living human beings. he's not sorry, he doesn't feel regret, he got what he wanted (a friend) and fuck everybody else.

because the narrative just shrugs and handwaves and says no no forget all that it doesn't matter it was just the hexcore or whatever, viktor becomes a flat, uninteresting character. he loses the depth that villains like ambessa and silco had, villains who had their victims validated by the story, who faced challenges in their arcs specifically because of the people they had hurt despite thinking they were doing the right or noble or most important thing. and not just the villains! even the heroes had to wrestle with the people they stepped on on the way to their lofty goals. but not viktor. he just floats away scot free, completely blameless, having no affect on the world and the world having no affect on him.

on arcane's status as the new canon lore and the Implications™

reminder that arcane is somehow supposed to tie into the world of runeterra at large, but now viktor and jayce both have been seemingly entirely removed from it. if it only mattered that they knew the people we'd already seen them interact with, okay, i guess. but that isn't the case. they both have a ton of connections to other champions - from regions other than p&z even - that haven't been introduced and don't have any plausible explanation for how they could have met in the past, which means they should have been set up to meet somehow in the future. implying that jinx escaped and has gone traveling the world is the perfect way to incorporate her in-game relationships with people like lux - she could have met her while traveling! but jayce and viktor don't get that plausible continuation of their story and development of further relationships - they just disappear out of existence. (ambessa also has this problem because they killed her, but unlike jayce and viktor she does have a huge amount of unexplored backstory where she could have spoken to (for example) swain and hwei and shyvanna at some point.)

note 1 - jayce and viktor are so old that they don't have any voice lines in game when meeting other champions. but other champions who are either newer or who have had voiceover updates do talk to them, which is how (aside from the old lore) you can infer that they do have relationships with other champions including ones who weren't in arcane.

note 2 - maybe riot actually doesn't care and none of the champions are really supposed to know each other or be involved in each others' lives canonically, they just have random quippy voice lines that imply that. which would fucking suck. having the lore of the game have no impact on the game itself and vice versa would objectively suck. if the characters talk to each other on the rift and say something interesting, i want that to have meaning. i want to be able to extrapolate the state of the world and the relationships between the characters from the things they verbally say with their mouths. i'm not arguing about this. the voicelines should be seen as the most high irrefutable canon that there is for the game because it is the ONLY source of lore in the game itself.

anyways there's my bible i guess. i miss evil laser robot viktor i want him to perform unethical brain surgery on me (fixing my adhd but also turning me into his personal puppet attack dog) and then give a weapon to a child so they can kill their bullies.

#league #arcane #viktor #jayce talis #hextext #also i'm not like devastated over it. i've seen worse endings and way worse character assassination.#this is just my onion ya know.

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justmeinadaze · 2 months ago

Text

November Rain (Part 6)(Eddie X Plus Size Y/N)

A/N: 😈

Warnings: Older (Late 30s) Daddy Eddie/ Young (early 20s) Plus Size Sub Fem Y/N, SMUT, ALL the dirty talk, Breeding Kink (yes you read that correctly), Y/N in lingerie, aftercare always. FLUFF, lots of fluff in this one to cushion some of the angst. These two love each other very much <3.

ANGST! *Shoots an angsty basketball into an angsty net on an angsty court*

Y/N's parents show up and have some words for them both (give an ultimatum, Eddie struggles to get his daughter to talk to him after the events of the last chapter, reader gets spicy with Ava :), mentions of the readers weight by an asshole (Eddie defends her honor), Eddie talks more about his past with his dad (brief mentions of abuse) and his marriage to his ex. CLIFFHANGER ENDING!

Word Count: 7481

Series here

Loud pounding on Eddie’s apartment door startled you both as you bolted up right in bed.

“Stay here.”, the boxer commanded as he hastily pulled on his sweatpants and handed you one of his shirts from the floor.

It had been about a week since your secret was exposed and neither of you had been able to get ahold of Paige. You had called, text, emailed, and even wrote physical letters to no avail. Her father every other day went to knock on the apartment door but no one answered.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Munson, but she doesn’t want to speak to you…either of you.”, her boyfriend sighed. “I can let her know again that you called though.”

“Please, Eli, I just…is she ok at least?”

As Eddie’s sad eyes glare into the void of the carpet, you rub your palm along his back and rest your head on his shoulder.

“She’s…surviving…Honestly, sir, it’s not my place to get in the middle. All I know is she’s hurting and I need to protect her. If she doesn’t want to talk to you or Ms. Davis right now then it is what is.”

“Yeah…yeah…thanks. You’re, um, you’re a good kid. I know with you she’s safe.”

“Always, sir.”

Ava constantly blew up his phone asking on any updates about Paige to the point where you felt like you had to get involved.

“Ms. Davis. Eddie isn’t here right now. How can I help you?!”, you practically shout as you answer his phone before he can.

“YOU can’t help me, Y/N. You’ve done enough. I need to talk to my husband.”

“EX-husband remember? You have no reason to be bothering him anymore.”

“Listen, bitch. Edward may be fucking you but that doesn’t give you license to sit at the grownups table. You’re a little girl playing house. Now…put him on the phone or else—”

“Or else what, AVA? After everything I’ve been through you think I’m afraid of you—No, Eddie. I got this—You think you can raise your voice or call me names and think that will intimidate me in some way? No…and let’s not forget…I’m not the only whore at the ‘grownups table’. Stop. Calling. Eddie will reach out to you when he gets any news.”

Without waiting for an answer, you hung up the phone.

“Jesus Christ. Sometimes I forget how much of a badass you are.”, the boxer swoons as he wraps his arms around you. “Thank you, sweetheart. I’m sorry she said—”

Your lips on his quickly silence him.

“You don’t have to apologize for her, baby. Not anymore.”

The pounding echoed through the apartment once more except this time it was followed by a loud voice shouting, “I know my daughter is there! Open this fucking door or I swear to God I will break it down!”

“Dad?”

Eddie’s eyes meet your confused ones before running around the bed and cutting off your walk towards the living room.

“Wait! Hang on, honey. He seems riled up. Let me answer the door but I want you to stay behind me, ok?”

“Ok. Eddie?”, you call, grabbing his hand as he turned around and pulling him towards you to give him a soft kiss. “I love you…no matter what…”

With a tender smile, he pushes your hair behind one of your ears.

“I love you to, Y/N.”

Exhaling, you watched as his expression hardened and he slowly maneuvered to the front door, turning the knob to greet the chaos on the other side.

“Can I help you?”

“Where is she?”, your dad growled, pushing on the wood and past the metalhead to let himself inside with someone your boyfriend assumed was your mom. “Y/N! Get your things! We’re leaving right now!”

“What? Why? How did you two know where I was?”

“We called your roommate because you haven’t been answering your phone. She enlightened us on some of your extracurricular activities.”, your mother sneered as she sized Eddie up with distain. “We thought you were making things work with Bradley?”

“What would make you think that?”, you answer sassily as they glare your way. “Ah, I see. You’re talking to everyone but me.”

“You don’t answer your phone!”

“I’ve got a lot going on right now, mom!”

“Hey! Don’t speak to her that way!”, your father yells causing your boyfriend to place himself directly in front of you. “As for you, you stay the fuck away from her. You should be ashamed! You’re older—"

“What does my age have to do with me loving her or her loving me?”

“This is not love. This is a rebound. You just got out of a relationship and YOU just got divorced.”

At your mother’s words, Eddie chuckled under his breath as he shook his head.

“I see my daughter had a lot to say. I apologize for that as that wasn’t her place. Add in the fact that she is extremely angry right now—”

“She has every right. She was your child’s best friend.”

“Ms. Y/L/N, Paige is in her twenties so she isn’t a child and neither is your daughter. When we met we had no idea that either of us knew her. I just knew I fell for a beautiful woman on a bad date at my boxing match.”

“That’s another thing. Do you think he can support you as a boxer?”

“I don’t NEED him to support me, dad, but we do support each other. He’s amazing at what he does and I’m proud of him.”

“God, when did you become so stupid?!”

“Don’t talk to her like that.”, Eddie hissed. “I may not be a rich man but I have a steady income and a huge match coming up in Vegas that will lead to more financial opportunities down the line.”

“Great and when you die after being knocked out at your age what then?! Hm?! Who will be there for her?”

“I’m not a geriatric, sir. I’m still in my 30s for God’s sake. I still have many years of boxing ahead of me.”

This isn’t a joke, son.”, your father sighs. “Have you thought about all this, Y/N? What if he got hurt? What if he had permanent damage where you had to take care of him for the rest of his life? What if he died… you would have nothing. You would have wasted your time opening your legs for a man who gave you nothing except the title of slut!”

The growl that left Eddie’s chest was deep and guttural as he took a confident step towards your dad.

“Sir, with all due respect, that will be last time you say anything like that towards Y/N. If you do it again I’m going to ask you to leave.”

Both men stare at each other, neither wanting to back down.

“We haven’t talked about it but…I do worry about him…every time he enters the ring. Every hit he takes kills me as someone who loves him very much but, dad, I see how hard he trains and all the precautions he takes to make sure that’s he’s safe. God forbid…he ever got seriously injured though…I would be there…no questions asked.”

“Y/N, honey, there are so many factors working against you.”, your mom began in a gentle yet slightly condescending tone. “However crass, your father brought up some good points. This man has already lived a whole life and had a whole other family. Your life is just beginning… how long do you see this relationship lasting?”

“Longer than yours.”, you sass causing your father to straighten as Eddie did the same. “His new, happier life is just beginning to and I want to be a part of that…as his wife…”

The long-haired boy’s head swiveled to face you at your words as a small smile flickered across his lips.

“Do you mean it?” When you aggressively nod, Eddie yanks you to his chest and you circle your arms around his waist. “I’m going to get you a ring, sweetheart, I promise and I’ll start saving immediately so you can have the fanciest wedding you deserve.”

“Baby, I don’t need all that. It could be in a courthouse with overalls and I’d be happy.”, you giggle through tears that began to fall. “As long as I’m with you.”

“I forbid it.”, your dad spat in anger.

“Noted.”, you growl in equal measure. “That’s not going to stop me from being with the man I love.”

“If you go through with this, Y/N, you will NOT have our support.”, your mom added. “You would never hear from us again and will be cut off completely.”

“Ma’am.”, Eddie cuts in before you can speak. “Please don’t do that. My mother died when I was young and I haven’t spoken to my father in over twenty years. It’s been over a week since I’ve heard from my daughter and…and it kills me. In all those cases, I had zero control but you do. If you cut her off just because she loves me…it will haunt you.”

Your parents exchange a glance as the silence hangs in the air for moment and your dad finally speaks.

“What’s it going to be, Y/N? Are you coming with us or staying here with him?”

Even as your heart breaks, your features remain stoic as you take Eddie’s hand and wrap your arm around his.

“I love him, dad, and I’m staying.”

“So be it.”, he sighs, collecting your mother’s hand and stomping out the front door.

As soon as it shuts, your head hangs and the boxer immediately collects you in his arms to carry you to the couch.

“Everything is going to be ok, honey. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. They’ll come around I’m sure.”, he coos gently as he pets your head, playing with your hair.

“I’m sorry they said all that stuff about you.”, you cry as you lean back to look at his face. “I meant what I said though, Eddie. If anything ever happened to you…you know I’d take care of you.”

“I know, pretty girl, I know. I, um, we probably should talk about, um…I mean you’ve never mentioned starting a family with me. Even though your mom was right, I guess, I have had…I don’t fucking know…what I’m trying to say is…I would love having that life again. I would love…having a family…a kid with you..”

“You know, you’re cute when you get all nervous.”, you tease as he rolls his eyes and lightly spanks your behind. “I would love to have your kid.”

“Yeah?”, he asks, quirking his eyebrow in amusement. “Give us a chance to play around with a breeding kink.” Eddie laughs out loud at his own joke but you see it almost immediately, how quick his face clouds over worry as if he crossed a line. More damage control from how his ex made him feel like he couldn’t be himself. “I’m just kidding.”

Softly smiling, you grabbed his chin with your fingers and tilted his head till his eyes met yours.

“Were you? Or does the idea of coming inside of me till you breed me genuinely turn you on?”

“Fuck me, you are perfect.”

###################

You watch from your spot on the floor by the wall of mirrors as Eddie continues to train for his fight. For the past couple of days since you arrived in Vegas, you had been doing work for your own job in the hotel while they went over their strategy and moves within the gym a few floors down.

Today, however, he insisted you come which you definitely didn’t mind.

His gorgeous chocolate eyes would zero in as he punched the pads in his coach’s hands or the bag in front of him and the muscles in his arms would tense as his fist flew. Sweat would cling to the small of his back and all you wanted to do was wrap your limbs around him while pressing your face into his spine.

“GOOD! Good, Eddie!”, the man in front him praised as he patted his boxer’s bicep. “Alright, tonight you’re doing the press conference. Just answer a few of the questions and all that fun stuff—”

“Pfft fun for you. I don’t like all the attention. Not like that anyway.”

“Said the former rock star.”, you teased and he stuck out his tongue your way.

“It’s very simple and then after you guys can explore the city. I want you to get a good night’s sleep and then tomorrow I want you at the stadium by 4pm. Ya hear?”

“Yes, sir. I will be there.”

After his coach leaves, Eddie helps you to your feet before tenderly kissing your lips.

“As much as I enjoy watching a geriatric old man practice…”, you joke as he rolls his eyes. “…why did you want me here for this?”

Smirking deviously, he reaches behind a few of the weight racks to produce a big white box with a purple bow.

“I got you something to wear to the press thing.”, he beams, watching your face as you carefully open the contents.

Within was a dress that matched the box it was housed in, completely white with a purple belt that wrapped around your beautiful, curvy waist. After clearing his throat, you glance Eddie’s way to see him holding up a pair of gorgeous purple heels that had you sighing in pleasure.

“Baby…”

“I know, I know…but I saw it in the store and I thought you would absolutely rock this ensemble. I mean, you look beautiful in everything but—”

Your lips on his cut him off as he chuckled and cupped your face in his palms.

“Go get ready. I’ll meet you in the lobby in about an hour.”

***

“You got this, honey.”, you whisper as you rub his shoulders while he glares out at the audience he was currently waiting to be introduced to.

When you came out of the elevator to meet him, you half expected him to just be in a polo and jeans since the conference wasn’t formal by any means but when he turned to meet the sound of your shoes clacking along the floor, you couldn’t help but lightly whine at the man in the suit before you.

“Eddie…you look so good.”

“Me?”, he breathily laughed as he tilted down to give you a soft kiss. “Look at you, pretty girl. I feel like a kid whose uncle got him ready for the neighbor’s party.”

“No!”, you giggle as your palm runs down his chest along his suit jacket. “You look perfect.”

“SPEAKING of uncle…”

When he gestures to the side, Wayne grins as he comes up to greet you, grunting slightly when you surprise him with a big hug.

“Hey, sweetheart. That dress looks stunning on you. I helped him pick it out by the way.”

“Liar.”, Eddie teases as his uncle tosses him an equally playful but stern glare.

“Thank you so much. You’re one to talk. I can see where Eddie gets his good looks.”

“Oh, Ed, I like her.”, Wayne smiles, extending his elbow for you to loop your arm through.

“There’s way more people than I thought there would be.”

“I know but don’t focus on them, sweetie. Just focus on me and Wayne. Don’t talk to all those strangers…talk to us.”

A heavy exhale leaves him as he fully closes the curtain you two were hiding behind to give you his full attention.

“Before I go out there, there’s something I wanted to give you. My uncle brought this from Hawkins and said it belonged to my mother. I wanted to get you a ring that was special because, baby, you’re so special to me and not like any girl I’ve ever met.”

“Eddie, what’s going on?”

Digging into his coat pocket, he produced a gold band with a modest sized blue diamond in the middle.

“I didn’t do this part properly but you deserve it. I love you so much, Y/N, and you mean so much to me.” Taking your hand in his, he descends to one knee. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes. Yes of course, you dork.”, you cry as your wrap your arms around his neck and he stands lifting you off your feet.

As soon as he slides the ring on your finger, you cup his face in your hands and kiss his lips.

“Aw, isn’t that cute.”, a man coos as he strolls casually into the area with an entourage behind him. “Who is this, Mr. Munson? Your fiancée, I imagine.”

“Uh, yeah, this is my…my fiancée Y/N.”, Eddie glows at the word. “Y/N, this is the man I’ll be fighting, Shaun Downey.”

“It’s nice to meet you.”

When he goes to shake your hand, something passes through you intuition that has you thinly smiling before letting him go to place yourself beside the man you love.

“Alright, well, lovely to see you both and don’t worry, it’s really easy. Just answer some questions and exchange some playful banter. Smile and pose for a picture and then boom you’re done.”

“Eddie, be careful with him.”, you whisper as soon as Shaun is out of ear shot. “Something feels off about it… he reminds me of…Brad when I first met him.”

“Oh, baby, don’t tell me that or I may accidently kill him.”

Smirking at his joke, you give him one final kiss and go to find your seat beside Wayne.

When the press conference began it genuinely was pretty casual with photographers flashing pictures while the announcer spoke about each boxer’s stats. His opponent seemed to be about where Eddie was in terms of strength and number of wins but what gave you pause were the questions that followed.

“Mr. Downey, how does it feel to finally be back in the ring after your suspension a few months ago?”

“It feels amazing, if I’m being honest, and to be fighting someone with the…ha…advanced caliber of Mr. Munson here…is going to be a delight.”

“Mr. Munson, any response?”

While Eddie calmly answers with his trademark brand of snark, you google on your phone why the other boxer was suspended, flashing the phone to Wayne who’s eyebrows furrow with worry.

“Ah ha! Wonderful, wonderful. How has training been, Mr. Downey?”

“Being suspended did allow me time to fully zero in and get my act together. We went full Rocky, you know; running upstairs and hills, drinking eggs, and hitting meat.”, Shaun laughs.

“What about you, Mr. Munson?”

“Oh, you’ve definitely been doing some weightlifting, haven’t you?”

Eddie’s whole demeanor shifts as he sits up straighter and leans into the microphone.

“I definitely have…at the gym, around my apartment, and anywhere else I can get my reps in. A real man can do that.”

“Well, you have to be careful, Munson. At your age, too much weight can really flatten you out.”

“You know what.”, the metalhead replies firmly. “Everyone keeps bringing up my age which in this sport I realize makes me seem old and unfit but I’ve had just as many wins as these younger guys and also managed to nab a knockout of a woman. Now, bring up weights again, and I’ll knock your ass out here and now.”

Cameras started flashing while both men glared at each other before Shaun chuckled under his breath and both men rose to pose for photos.

***

“Hey, are you alright?”, you ask after quickly running backstage to comfort him. When he didn’t answer, you could tell he was still extremely angry and you circled your arms around him as you press your face into his chest. “It’s ok, Daddy. Everything’s ok.”

“Well done, Munson!”, Shaun shouted excitedly as he ran towards the other man. As soon as his hand touched his shoulder, however, Eddie swiftly turns around, moving you backwards, and shoving the boxer roughly away. “The fuck?!”

Everyone promptly kicked into gear with both men’s coaches placing themselves between them while Shaun’s friends held him back and Eddie’s uncle gripped his shoulder.

“If you ever talk about my girl again, I don’t care how many people are in the room or how many reporters are watching, I’ll kick your fucking ass then and there!”

“Are you fucking kidding me?! That was just banter, Munson! I was trying to get a rise out of you!”

“You got your fucking wish, asshole!”

“Edward!”

“DON’T FUCKING CALL ME THAT!”, he shouts at Wayne causing you to jump at the outburst.

The room because silent and Shaun yanks his arms out of his friend’s holds, assuring them his fine as he steps closer.

“Look, Y/N, I’m sorry if I offended you.”

“Fuck you.”, you spit. “Apology not accepted.”

Laughing, he shakes his head and disappears with his crew.

“I’m sorry, Wayne, I didn’t mean to—”

“I know, son, I know.”, his uncle comforts as he pulls his nephew into his embrace.

“Did you know Shaun Downey was suspended for un-sportsman like conduct?”, you growled at his coach. “He punched another boxer after the bell and put him in the hospital.”

“Yes…I was made aware of that.”

“Did you tell Eddie?”

“Y/N, it’s going to be just like any of his other fights—”

“Except he’ll be fighting this narcissistic psychopath!”

“With all due respect, honey, he’s a boxer and you aren’t. You’re a bit out of your depth here.”

“Don’t talk to her like that.”, Eddie hissed he stepped towards you both. “She has every right to have an opinion about this. And no, baby, I didn’t know.”

“So what, Ed, you’re not going to go through with this?!”

“I didn’t say that but after everything I just experienced, I may need to consider a new coach and manager.”

With that, he intertwined his fingers with yours and walked with you towards the car.

#################

You can’t help but smile as Eddie continues playing with your hair while you press up further into his side and you both stare out into the Vegas skyline. He had just treated you to a fancy dinner and expensive champagne that had you radiating with a happiness you had never known before.

After you two finished your meal, he escorted you to the balcony where you sat on the bench so he could smoke while you two held each other, watching the sun set.

“This place is actually beautiful from up here.”, he hums before blowing smoke towards the sky. “Every time I’ve ever been here was with my father and it was never fun.”

“Eddie—”

“I’m sorry if I scared you today.”

“Baby, what are you—?”

Removing his arm from around you, the boxer leans his elbows on his knees as his eyes stare into the void of the concrete below him.

“That’s not normal for me…yelling at Wayne the way I did. That fuckin’ asshole…he reminded me of my dad. He used to say underhanded shit like that all the time and then brush it off like it was nothing. Then, my uncle said my name the way Allen used to and I just…”

“Eddie, it’s ok—”

“It’s not ok!”

“Are you going to keep interrupting me?!” At your outburst, the man exhaled smoke before tossing the cigarette over the balcony rail. “What Shaun Downey did wasn’t ok. What your father did to you and your mom wasn’t ok. You getting defensive and trying to protect me? That’s ok.”

When his eyes meet yours, you lean forward and gently kiss his shoulder as you rub his back.

“I didn’t see it that way…”

“What?”

“Me protecting you. When Ava and I were married we fought a lot…verbally…I would never…”

“I know, Eddie.”, you murmur.

“One night I tried to find our spark again and took her to the bar we used to go to when we were kids. Some fucker passed by our pool table and grabbed her ass.”, he growled. “I punched him and tried to get him to apologize but Ava left to wait by the car. She screamed at me the entire way back home…said I should have left it alone and that I was a loose cannon…”

“Like your father?” You sigh when he nods. “Honey, I’m so sorry. I know I wasn’t there but if some asshole grabbed my ass I wouldn’t mind if you knocked him out. I mean, I probably would have already but…” When he laughs, you smile as you reach up to caress his face. “You’re not like him, Eddie, and again I know I wasn’t there for your marriage but the man I’ve gotten to know and love is a good, caring, protective person.”

Softly smiling, he wraps his arm around your shoulders and playfully yanks you to his side to kiss your forehead.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Come on, freak.”, the metalhead chuckles, taking your hand, and pulling you to your feet. “I have a surprise for you and then we can go back to the hotel.”

***

“Alright, keep them closed!”

“Eddie!”, you giggle. “Even if my eyes were open your hands would be blocking everything!”

Keeping a firm grip with your palms over the ones he has making sure you don’t peak; he guides you into a room that makes you smile when you smell the hint of flowers.

“It smells good in here.”

“Oh good. I was worried my smoke smell would overpower everything.”, he teases before placing you somewhere and letting you go to back away a few steps. “Ok, sweetheart…open your eyes.”

Slowly, you do what he commands, your smile faltering a bit when you look around to see a room full of pews to your right and an archway decorated in white flowers to your left where a man with a book was waiting with a small grin. Behind Eddie stood Wayne, who gave you a subtle nod and smile of his own as he carefully watched your reaction.

“What…what is this?”

“You said you didn’t care if we got married in overalls at a courthouse but, Y/N, you deserve so much more than that. I know I’m…we’re…moving a bit fast here but I love you so much and I want the world to see that to.” As he spoke, your head hung as you lightly began to cry, worrying him as he stepped forward to lift your chin with his fingers. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, baby. I meant what I said about saving if you wanted something bigger.”

“Your…your daughter should be at her father’s wedding…”, you whisper, breaking his heart in half as he tilts forward to rest his forehead on yours and takes your hands in his to bring them to his lips.

“I tried to call her, Y/N; her and your parents. I wanted you to have someone here behind you or beside you. Your parents just reiterated what they said before. Honestly…Wayne is the only person that answered my calls and said he’d come.”

His Uncle pats his shoulder and hands him a white veil that Eddie carefully places on your head, trying desperately not to mess up your hair.

“I wanted her here to, honey, and I tried everything but I told you…I’m not sorry for falling in love you. I will never apologize for that. I’m hoping and praying one day she’ll understand… that your parents will understand… until then though, baby, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

Glancing towards the man you now realize is the officiant, you lightly laugh as you wipe your eyes.

“Those aren’t bad vows…”

Eddie’s face promptly relaxes in relief as he laughs along with you and you reach behind him to take the bouquet Wayne had been hanging on to until you were ready.

“You told my parents you fell for me the moment you saw me from the ring. I think…I think I did to. I say I think because I saw you looking at me but I didn’t think I’d ever see you again but when I did at that bar…I was so elated. From the moment I met you, Eddie, I felt safe with you. I know everything going on is a bit chaotic but I promise how I feel about you will never change. I’ll never hurt you like she did and… I guess what I’m trying to say is…you’re safe with me to.”

Nodding, a tear leaves his eye as he cups your cheek to bring your lips to his.

“Do you have the rings?”, the man asks making you two laugh when Wayne makes a little op noise and searches his pockets before producing a box that he hands to Eddie.

After exchanging your “I do’s” and placing the bands on each other’s fingers, you are pronounced husband and wife while the people in the room clap.

Taking you in his arms, your now husband playfully dips you as he passionately kisses your lips.

################

“Wait now, sweetheart.”, Eddie lightly scolds while grabbing your bicep.

As soon as the hotel room door clicks open, the boxer lifts you in his strong arms and carries you across the threshold to the bed where he gently tosses you before crawling up the length of your body.

“Oh! With all this, I forgot I brought a gift for you.”

“Baby, how about you give it to me later.”

Pushing at his chest with your palm stops his needy kisses along your skin making you softly laugh at his earnest energy.

“Trust me, Daddy. You want this gift now. Go ahead and get undressed. I’ll be right back.”

You smirk his way as he bites his bottom lip and his eyes follow you on your short walk to the bathroom. You can’t help but giggle and shake your head when you hear him sloppily tear off his suit before tossing it to the side.

Even after you put the present you got for him on, you wait a couple more minutes to build on the tension as you watch his leg bounce through the clouded glass along the bathroom door.

When you finally emerged and his eyes landed on you, you knew you selected the right thing. Since this was a big fight for him and coming to Vegas was technically your first vacation together, you wanted to get some lingerie you thought he (and you) would enjoy.

Eddie’s beautifully expressive chocolate eyes raked along your curvy form, starting from the black corset that had floral lace print and a bow positioned perfectly between your breasts down to the straps holding up your see-through stockings. Leaning against the doorframe, you showed off how the garment barely covered your behind as the little hooks connected to your stockings struggled to pull the fabric as far down as it could go.

“Holy shit.”, he breathed as you slowly began to step towards him. “No, no, baby. Stay—fuck—stay right there.”

After his command, the metalhead slid to his knees and maneuvered his body till he was directly in front of you. Your palm reached out to touch his face and in return he heavily sighed as he kissed your skin.

“Do you like what I got you, Daddy?”

“I do, beautiful. Jesus… I’m such a lucky man to have you as my wife.”

“That’s right, baby. I’m yours. I belong to you.”

While you were speaking, his hands roamed your voluptuous form and at your last sentence, his head fell against your belly as he pressed his lips against the fabric.

“Say it again.”

Taking a hold of his chin, you lifted his face so his glassy eyes could meet yours.

“I belong to you, Eddie Munson.”

A giggle escapes you as he aggressive tugs your hand and guides you to the edge of the mattress before pushing himself up to kiss your lips. With a firm grip on your knees, the man opened your legs wide and almost too tenderly trailed feathery light kisses along your thigh.

“Please, Daddy.”, you beg and without hesitation he obliges.

Almost like a man possessed, his tongue and mouth move with an intensity you had never experienced with him. The organ between his teeth flicked along your clit, up and down before closing his lips around it till coming off with an obscene pop to repeat the process. Your fingers tangled in his hair, pushing his head as close to you as possible and he hummed at the feeling causing your eyes to roll.

It doesn’t take you long to fall over the ledge and you scream his title as you cum hard. Without missing a beat, Eddie lifts you further up the mattress, shoving his fingers into your mouth that you eagerly accept. Keeping your legs open with his knees, he utilizes the digits you generously coated with your saliva and guides them into your heat.

“You look so fucking sexy, baby, I can’t look away. I’m forcing myself to take my time because I want to fucking pound you into the bed till your dripping my cum and you can’t walk straight. You’d fucking wince with every step into that arena tomorrow and everybody will know who made you feel good.”

“Daddy.”, you whine against his lips at his words as his fingers curl inside of you and your eyes flutter shut. Your body fully collapses and he follows you down with his forehead pressed firmly against yours.

“Fuck, my dirty girl. You’d like that wouldn’t you? People would ask if you’re ok and you would tell them your husband took care of you.”

“My…husband…”

“Tell me your name, sweetheart.”

“Y/N…fuck…”

“You can do it, pretty girl. Tell Daddy your name.”, he encouraged and as his pace quickened the squelching noise of your slick filled the room. “Y/N what?”

“Y/N… Munson…fuck I’m gonna cum.”

“Say it again, baby.”

“Y/N Munson! Please!” At your pleas, your hand clung to his wrist as the coil snapped. “Y/N Munson… I’m…I’m your wife…Y/N…Munson.”

Eddie smiles softly as you pant out your words, carefully removing his fingers and holding you tightly to him as he gently kissed you while allowing you to come back down.

“Yeah, you are. Y/N Munson… my beautiful wife… I love you, honey.”

“I love you to.”

“Are you ready for Daddy, baby girl?”, he whispers, chuckling when you nod. “Come here.”

Pulling you on top of him, his large palms cup your cheeks as you straddle his waist.

“Fuck, baby.”, the boy beneath you whimpers as your rub your pussy lips along his shaft, smearing your arousal. “Maybe w-we can do that experiment I mentioned.”

It took you a moment but when it finally hit you, your breathy laugh warmed his face as he smiled up at you.

“You wanna breed me, Daddy?”

At your words, you felt his length lightly twitch.

“I do, but first Daddy wants to feel you cum. Go ahead, sweetheart, and ride my cock.”

Reaching between your bodies, you held him steady as you gradually sunk down onto him, biting your bottom lip while enjoying the feeling him stretching you open. Eddie’s eyes were glued to your form as you moved, his hands digging into your hips as he guided your movements. Occasionally his palm would spank your behind making you moan loudly as you bounced down harder against him.

“Just like that, Y/N, fuck. Can you feel me in your stomach, baby? R-Right here?” You nod and in your blissed out state he decides to test some of the waters, placing his hand directly on your lower belly. “Imagine me filling you up so completely, we put a baby in there. You’d look so fucking beautiful, honey.”

Your whole body trembles at the notion as you fall against him and he promptly takes over wrapping his arms around you as he thrusts his hips roughly.

“Cum for me, Mrs. Munson. Come all over my cock.” The coil snaps and you muffle your screams into his chest as he fucks you through it. “Good girl. Such a good girl, baby.”

Flipping you both over, he tenderly pets your head as he kisses your lips, lazily pumping his hips till you were ready.

“I want you to cum, Daddy.”, you whisper as the tip of your nose grazes his. “Pretend I’m not on my pills anymore…and we’re trying… fuck me hard till you cum so deep inside of me there’s no way it wouldn’t take.”

A shaky, pleasure filled breath left his chest as his head fell beside your own and you clung to his shoulders as his rhythm began to hasten. Your legs locked around his waist and you both grunted as he slammed his hips hard against you.

“T-THAT’S it…Daddy—FUCK—so deep…”, you whine between each punch of skin against skin. “You feel so good…feel me up, Daddy, please.”

The bed underneath you both shakes at his intensity and after a few more aggressive thrusts, you feel his release coat your walls as a cute but still sexy high pitch whine emits from his lips to your ear.

“You know…it doesn’t…help the self-esteem…when your wife…laughs after…sex…”, Eddie pants causing you to erupt into a fit of giggles that has him smiling above you as he pushes up onto his elbows.

“I can’t help it. That little whimper you just made was kind of adorable.”

“Jesus Christ.”, he blushes, trying to hide his face in your shoulder.

“Noooooo! No, Eddie. I loved it. I love YOU…deviant.”

“Oh…ok now.”, he teases as you laugh harder and he carefully pulls out before lifting you to bring you to the shower.

A permanent smirk remained painted on your lips as he gently cleaned your skin, running the rag as gently as he could while leave small kisses along the way.

“Eddie?”

“Hm?”

“I’m worried about your fight.”

The boxer exhales as he rises to his feet and places the cloth down so he can hold your cheeks in his palms.

“I can understand why, sweetheart, but like you told your parents; I train and prepare for things like this.”

“For someone to fight dirty?”

“Life prepared me for that.”

“Baby, I’m being serious.”

Your husband smiles as his thumbs caress you before bringing you to his chest.

“I know… How about this? How about if Shaun acts up…the first time will be the only time. I’ll call it and refuse to continue.” Sighing yourself, you let him go and turn off the facet behind you as he watches you grab a towel to dry your body. “Honey, I can’t cancel this fight.”

“It’s not right that they didn’t give you all the information. That has to count for something.”

“But we know now. I’m not going into that ring blind.”, he defends as he grabs a towel as well and wraps hit around his waist.

“That doesn’t ease my worries, Eddie.”

“Y/N, this is the biggest fight of my career. It could lead to so many better opportunities and I refuse to let some asshole ruin that for me because he thinks he’s hot shit. I think you forget, babe, I’ve fought unfair fights my ENTIRE life especially when I was a kid. When the jocks weren’t kicking my ass, I had a drunk at home to defend myself against.”

“Look, no matter what I say you’re going to do what you want but I’m allowed to be worried.”, you huffed, stomping into the bedroom and pulling on one of his shirts as you sat down at the edge of the bed.

After sliding on his boxers, Eddie knelt down in front of you and took your hands in his.

“You are allowed to be worried and what you say does matter to me. Y/N, if you genuinely feel like I shouldn’t do this then I won’t but you have to understand how hard that’s going to hit me in the future…less jobs, less fights, less money—”

“Eddie, I don’t care about the money. It’s something YOU care about and I understand but all that matters to me is you and your safety.”

“God that’s so fucking weird.”, he whispers, smiling when you give him a confused look. “I have a wife who supports ME. To be fair, sweetheart, you said Shaun Downey reminded you of Brad and I did knock that fucker out so…”

His grin grows as you laugh, climbing in beside you and tugging you into his embrace.

“I hope you know I’m not saying…like I don’t think you can win…”

“I know, baby. I promise, Y/N, if anything feels even remotely off, I’ll stop the fight. Doesn’t matter what the coaches say or anything. If you or I think something’s not right, the fight is over.”

“Me?”, you giggle breathily. “I don’t know how you’ll know that from up in the ring.”

“Because you’ll be in my corner.” You blink in shock as you tilt away and search his face for signs of jest. “I already cleared it with everyone I needed to and they gave me a shirt you’ll have to wear but yeah. This is the biggest fight of my life at the moment and I want your face to be the one I see after every round.”

“Oh my God, Eddie!”, you cry as you circle your arms around him in excitement.

#################

Paige’s boyfriend sighs as he brings her something to drink while she glares out into the night sky from his balcony.

“Honey, at some point you’ll have to talk to them.”

“No, I don’t. Both my parents are liars and—”

“Human?” Flashing him a glare, she pushes Eli out of the way as she huffs back into his apartment. “Look, I know I’m just an outsider here but it seems like your dad was trying to keep the peace the best way he knew how.”

“By fucking my friend and roommate!?”

“You make it sound like he did this TO you when, with all due respect, their relationship isn’t about you, babe. They’re two consenting adults who—”

“I don’t care! A line was crossed! I can’t believe you’re on their side!”

“Paige, I’m always behind you. I just think you need to reconsider and at least hear them out… Y/N and Mr. Munson. Your mom kind of threw them under the bus for herself so I’m kind of more for one than the other.”

Eli’s phone rings and he sighs heavily when he sees the name on the caller ID, still taking the time to answer.

“Hey, Y/N. Now’s not really… What?...O-Okay, I’ll, um, let her know and we’ll be right there. Should I call Ms. Davis?...I don’t know. Habit on my side I guess…Okay, Okay. Y/N, it’s ok. Everything will be ok.”

As soon as he hangs up his device, he powerwalks to the bedroom and pulls down a suitcase as Paige watches with wide, bewildered eyes.

“Where are you going?”

“WE’RE going to Vegas.”, he grumbles as he starts throwing clothes inside.

“I’m not fucking going to Las Vegas! Are you kidding me!?”

“Paige, your dad is in the hospital.”

Her mouth falls open in surprise before she runs to her phone, swiping past all the missed calls from you and a number she doesn’t recognize to type her father’s name into a search engine.

“Shaun Downey in custody after an assault to newcomer Edward Munson put him in the ICU. Both boxers went multiple rounds with Munson seeming to be titled the winner but as a bell rung and both men were meant to go to their corners, Downey ran after him and knocked him to the ground, delivering multiple blows to the boxer’s face before referees and coaches were able to remove him. No word from his team on Eddie Munson’s current status.”

Pressing play on a video from the fight, Paige watched in horror as the other man pushed her father and wrestled him to the ground. He blocked most of the impact but the force of this other boxer’s fist still left him bruised and bleeding. The video stopped right as you fell to his side and pulled his head to your lap.

“Coach and new bride Y/N Munson with doctor at Munson’s side.”, the caption read and a new feeling of shock flowed through with her worry.

Her dad got married? To Y/N? There was no way…

“I have my stuff packed.”, Eli announced as his eyes met hers from the hallway. “Like I said, I’m on your side, honey, but it’s not right to leave Y/N alone in city she doesn’t live in while her boyfriend is in the hospital.”

“Husband”, Paige corrected. “Apparently…”

“Shit… so much for ‘just a rebound’, huh?”, her boyfriend exhaled with his hands on hips. “Well? Are you coming or not?”

###############

@dashingdeb16 @myherometalhead @micheledawn1975 @hardladyheart @chelebelletx @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @paleidiot @alphabetically-deranged @sophiejayne-illustrations713 @yesimabratandwhataboutot @idkwhattoputhere08 @gryffindorqueensworld @mewchiili @veemoon @heavenlyhorrors @twirls827 @jamiecb66 @chelebelletx @longpondlibrary @friendly-neighborhood-ghoul @hellv1ra @utterlyinsanity @eddiesclub @wiinterwiidow @stylesxmunson @daveythorntonslocker @eddiesguitarskills @twirls827

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haute-pockette · 1 year ago

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The Doctor being disabled.

Every incarnation sitting somewhere on the autism spectrum. Their stims and behaviors vary between incarnations.

First doctor with alexithymia. On Gallifrey it was fine, ignored. A "superior race" that prided itself in observation without interference doesn't put too much stalk in compassion. But meeting humans up close with Barbara and Ian started him down a path of learning to put words to his own feelings as well as others.

As his body aged he also developed arthritis. The cane was for mobility as much as it was for style. He learned the hard way that aspirin is not Gallifreyan friendly (he survived the small dose, but it scared the hell out of Susan).

Two with lots of physical stims. All his gestures and wringing his hands, grabbing onto companions.

Dyspraxic Two. Chicken scratch handwriting, stumbling over his words and his feet. He really leans into tactile sensations whether it's the texture of his clothes or holding onto a companion, it was always grounding for him.

Third tended to shut down more than his first two since the constant stress and frustration of exile had him already wound pretty tight. He'll lock himself in the lab and just put himself on autopilot until he recharges enough to deal with whatever shenanigans are happening.

Three has tinnitus that of various sounds including almost like the tardis materialization sound. He often has to look up to check if the Master is showing up to bother him or not.

Four has ADHD alongside with autism. He struggles with constantly running from responsibility and wanting to have some sense of control of situations.

It's one of those snowballs of procrastination causing anxiety which causes him to procrastinate further. Unless it's urgently life threatening, his stress response is freeze.

Five masks and suppresses his emotions in an attempt to blend with neurotypicals more since he's self-conscious of his previous "eccentricity" as Four. It causes a lot of strain between him and Tegan after Earthshock.

Peripheral neuropathy causing muscle weakness in his legs cause of the difficult regeneration. Look how much he falls over and leans on the tardis console, he can't stand straight for long periods of time without aids. Usually has braces, but will use a cane around the tardis (would use the wheelchair but it's dead in the Castrovalva river).

Six gets overstimulated easier than some, especially by noises and textures. Usually that with things not going accordingly tends to set off meltdowns. Ever since he hurt Peri he turns his energy on himself instead.

Bipolar Six. He tends to handle mania better than depression, at least when he has too much energy he knows he can spend it and try to get it out. He'll usually park the tardis somewhere his companion can enjoy and shut himself away in the cloister room or zero room when at the worst of his lows.

Also type 1 diabetic six, regenerating from poison fucked with his metabolism. He is careful to take care of his blood sugar, but he's terrible at remembering to stay hydrated. That's why Mel is always shoving carrot juice at him.

Seven has ADD (yes I know it's technically "ADHD of the predominantly inattentive type" but ADD is easier). ADD as in he's always in his own head, always five points ahead of the conversation. His train of thought is incomprehensible to most, but there is a string of logic to it.

Dyspraxic Seven with an abnormal gait and stance. Bad posture makes him look shorter than he is. Only he can read his own handwriting, which he insists is not as bad as it is.

#I'll do Eight and the rest in another post #This one is getting long #Doctor Who #Headcanons #Classic Who #First Doctor #Second Doctor #Third Doctor #Fourth Doctor #Fifth Doctor #Sixth Doctor #Seventh Doctor

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mj0702 · 1 year ago

Text

The other Bronze – Pt.8

Okay... this is the last Barça part for now (hold your pitchforks - we will get back to Barcelona in the future)

I feel different about this chapter since there's less chaos and more feels but I still hope you like it❤️

I can't put into words how much I appreciate all your support especially @samkerrworshipper and @valewosomtb but also all you anons like my lunatic and gold star ❤️❤️ now go and enjoy 11k of Bronzeness

As soon as Keira and you entered her flat she retreated to the kitchen letting you standing in the hallway

“You need help Kei?” you asked knowing full well she'll decline since you got banned from kitchen duty after you nearly cut off your hand when you wanted to help her and Lucy one night (back in the day back in england) and the night ended in hospital

“You already know the answer to that, Bitsy... go shower...” you heard her yelling back as you heard pots clatter

“I showered at the Beach... with the sexy spaniard” you said now moved to stand in the kitchen entrance

“And then you went to have your little outbreak in the Sea... believe me... you'll want to shower or you'll wake up in the middle of the night itching and scratching your skin off... and I swear to god if you wake me up at 2AM because you decide it would be a good time to shower I'll have your head” the blonde englishwoman answered measuring some stuff for your requested Shepherds pie

“But I don't have my shower stuff here and yours is so... flowery” you whined

“Your choice Bitsy... but I really will have your head if you wake me up in the middle of the night...” Keira looked at you raising an eyebrow in challenge

“Ugh” you huffed pushing yourself of the doorframe as you dragged yourself towards her bathroom

“Good choice” you heard the blonde yelling after you and you could hear the smirk in her voice

“Good choice” you imitated her under your breath “I'm gonna smell like a fucking field of poppies”

After 20 Minutes you cracked opened the door of the bathroom a little bit to yell for Keira

“Keira???!!!” you yelled loudly so she would hear you in the kitchen

“What?” she yelled back and you could hear a nuance of annoyance in her voice

“I forgot clothes” you yelled as Keira stayed in the kitchen and you didn't want to leave the bathroom in your (her) towel

“Ugh kid... I still don't know how you survive without me constantly around” she said as she came out of the kitchen walking down the hall to get you some clothes

“I have a good system of supporting people around me... I refer to them as my cult” you said as she passed you “they make sure I don't die – they're too scared of you”

“I bet... let me guess... Mary, Millie, Rachel, Tooney and Russo?” Keira rolled her eyes knowing you have basically all her lionesses teammates wrapped around your pinkie and if you just look at them with HALF a puppy eye they all scramble to grant you every wish

“And Hempo and Meado and Scotto and Viv and Daan and Greensie and ChloChlo and Leila and Guerrero and Stina and Lia and Kimmi and...” you counted on your fingers smirking as Keira made her way back to you some shorts and a shirt in her hand

“God... you really always get whatever you want” she rolled her eyes but a smile tugged on her lips

“Not everything... otherwise you'd be a Bronze” you shrugged your shoulders as you took the pieces of clothing out of her hand and shut the door

“Don't do that Bitsy...” Keira sighed against the door “... it's not your fault”

“But it feels like it” you answered from inside the bathroom fighting with your balance as you tried to get into the shorts but struggled since you suddenly were overcome with a wave of dizziness

“It's not... stop telling yourself that... it just happened Bitsy...” Keira answered softly as she heard a crashing sound from the inside “You okay Bits?” she asked a little concerned

“All good” you said quickly picking yourself up from inside the shower you fell backwards into “Got stuck on the shorts”

“Dear jesus chirst kid.... I swear you're so clumsy at this point it's more luck than sanity that you're still alive...” the blonde huffed out

You tried to stand up again only to find the room spinning again so you decided to do something you hated doing

“Kei help please....” you said your voice low

Keira knew that when you actually asked for help it was a serious matter so she quickly pushed the door open to find you sitting in the shower back against the tiles

“What's wrong Bits?” she asked concerned crouching down in front of you

“Room's spinning” you mumbled

“You have a headache too?” the blonde asked already knowing what's wrong with you

“Little bit...” you answered honestly

“You have a sunstroke Bits...” Keira smiled lightly “Not used to the spanish sun...”

“Is not fun” you mumbled trying to contain the nausea

“Come on Bits...” the blonde huffed pulling you up into a standing position but keeping a good hold of you “... you gonna lay down on the couch and rest okay...” she said before leading you back into the livening room minus the shorts so you were just in your boxers and a sports bra

“My shorts” you whined

“First... these are MY shorts and secondly... you don't need shorts.. it's just me” Keira said softly before deposing you on the couch “Gonna bring you some water okay”

“Kei...” you whined “... I'm not feeling good”

“I know Bitsy... I know” the blonde sighed before getting you the promised water

“Why am I feeling sick?” you whined turning onto your side

“Sunstroke Bitsy... drink some water... it'll help I promise” Keira said lovingly as she stroke softly through your hair

You carefully took small sips of water as Keira decided to sit down by your head her hand never leaving your face. Softly stroking through your hair, over your forehead or caressing your cheek smiling softly as you continue to whine about how bad you felt

“Take a nap Bitsy.... that'll help too” the blonde englishwoman spoke lowly as she saw your eyes dropping

“You not mad anymore?” you asked half asleep

“I was never mad Bitsy... I was scared” Keira said softly “You mean the world to me, Bitsy and alone the thought of loosing you without being able to do anything scared me – really scared me”

“You mean the world to me too Kei... you're always there” you sighed as Keira started to lightly scratch your scalp

“I've seen you grow up Bits... you fought so many battles and still grew into an amazing person I can't nor do I want to imagen a world without you in it... you have so much more to explore and offer and seeing you out there... without anyone responsible near it squeezed all air out of my lungs Bits... you really can't do things like that” you heard the crack in her voice at the end and force your eyes open again.

Even with your blurred eyesight you could make out Keiras tears

“Kei...” you said lowly waiting for her to look at you “... nothing's gonna happen to me... the stupid always have the luck on their side... so I'm safe... won't leave you Kei... you're my sister too you know... and most of the time you're the better sister.. I love Luce really love her – but I love you just as much because I know you're always there for me... I promise I won't leave you Kei...”

“You can't promise something like this Bitsy... because if you ever break this promise I'm gonna break... not only are you like a sister to me, you are basically my child...” Keira said her voice heavy

“I never broke a promise with you” you said your voice insisted looking her straight in the eye “I never did and I never will...”

“I need you to PROMISE me to start thinking before you do things Bits...” the blonde said and you knew you would never EVER break that promise

“I promise...” you just answered and Keira could hear the honesty in your voice “But you need to promise to never leave me”

“I promise Bitsy... wherever I end up either in my career or afterwards... I'll be always there for you” Keira said softly

“Good... because let's be honest if I have to live of Luces cooking I'm gonna be gone pretty quickly because of food poisoning” you said as a matter of fact

“She got better... she doesn't burn the pasta anymore...” Keira smiled through her tears

“Kei... she was meant to BOIL the pasta... she's the only person I know who burns pasta in cooking water!!!! And she stuffed fish-fingers in a toaster and nearly burned our flat down!!” you exclaimed bewildered

“I know... she had some... questionable ideas” Keira tried to find the right words

“She has shit ideas when it comes to cooking,... I mean who thinks it's a good idea to serve RAW fish” you exclaimed loudly

“To her defence... sushi is raw fish” the blonde said

“WHEN IT'S FRESH IT IS.... this... thing was probably a week old... and on top of that she KNOWS I hate fish” you couldn't contain your outburst

“Fish is good...” Keira smiled knowing just how much you despise it

“Nope... nuh-uh.... it's disgusting... it normally looks at you when served...” you shook your head which reminded you immediately of your nausea again “Uh... wrong move” you mumbled

“Oh Bitsy...” the blonde sighed putting her hand against your forehead “You're burning up... I'll get you some paracetamol and then you'll have a nap... if you feel up to it later we can eat a little bit and then off to bed you scramble”

“Ugh please no paracetamol” you whined

“Ah yeah... I always forget that you always get sick from paracetamol... Aspirin it is then...” the blonde said pitiful as she softly stroke over your forehead experienced first hand before how bad a sunstroke feels

“Can I call G?” you whined miserable

“Of course Bitsy... why are you asking?” Keira asked confused

“Didn't know if you'd be a fan of me calling her... Lucy is not a fan” you mumbled your eyes already dropping again

“Lucy is very much a fan... but more and foremost she's your sister... she swore to protect you Bitsy” the blonde chuckled getting her phone from the side table dialling Georgias number

“Hey best friend... what gives me the unwanted pleasure of you calling me?” Georgias happy voice came out of the speaker and you could hear the smile in her voice

“You really milking that best friend card since Leah is out” Keira deadpanned but couldn't help but smile too

“I mean... I take what I can get...” the younger blonde said grinning “But seriously... what can I help you with”

“Not me.... but you could help your girlfriend out” Keira chuckled

“Ehrm... while you're there?” Georgia asked unsure and you could just picture how her cheeks flush and she rubbed the back of her neck

“Dear jesus... not like that” Kei exclaimed “What is wrong with you??”

“I haven't seen her in WEEKS, Kei... WEEKS...” the younger blonde insistent

“I don't CARE” Keira said back just as insistent

“G” you whispered exhausted

“Hey baby” immediately your girlfriends voice changed into a soft caring low tone

Keira left to finally get the shepherds pie into the oven but still was listening to your conversation with one and a half ear

“Not feeling good” you whispered

“What happened baby...” Georgia asked softly

“Parrently M not used to sun” you mumbled

“You're english... of course we're not used to sun...” your girlfriend chuckled lightly “... what you need from me baby?”

“Just talk... M sleepy” you mumbled your speaking slurred with sleep

“Usual topics?” Georgia double checked softly

“Mhm” you mumbled confirming

“Okay... sooooo... I kinda overslept this morning... but just like... 20 Minutes – still made it to training in time but I couldn't stop at that little bakery.. you know the one on the corner with the colourful dotty thingies on the windows... but I'll make sure to stop there tomorrow again...” Georgia began to lowly tell you about her day with all the little details as you slipped into a peaceful slumber

As your girlfriend heard your even breathing she stopped talking for a second before asking

“Keira?”

“Yes?” the blonde answered

“She asleep?” Georgia asked already knowing the answer

“What do you really want to ask, G? What's on your mind?” Keira chuckled

“How mad is Lucy?” your girlfriend mumbled concerned

“Lucy isn't mad... she's protective... I can promise you deep down inside she's relieved it's you... you're a good person, G and Luce knows that... and I'm happy it's you – because let's be real for a second... any girl Bitsy would have brought home would run for the hills after a “talk” from Lucy Bronze – you can handle that just fine. So Lucy isn't mad... but you're dating her baby sister... she swore to protect her no matter what since the moment she found out y/n will be a girl... and she waited 16 years to give someone “The Talk”... so she'll act all overprotective and threatening and what not but in secret she's happy for the two of you... just let her waltz over you with her “If you're hurting her”-talk and smile politely” Keira said knowing G needs some reassurance right now “Just... don't kiss her in front of Lucy right away... baby sister and all that”

“No kissing got it” G repeated nodding her head – even if no one could see it

“I didn't said no kissing... I said no kissing in front of Luce” the blonde corrected her younger friend

“Isn't that the same thing?” Georgia asked confused

“Gosh G... get creative... didn't YOU tell me about 30 minutes ago you haven't seen your girl for weeks” Keira huffed out as she left the living room with her phone to check on the shepherds pie

“I mean... yeah... but that would involve a lot more than kissing” G answered and Keira could hear her embarrassment

“I love you G, I really do... but I won't cover for you or get Lucy of your backs.... just saying” the blonde said as she pulled dinner out of the oven

“Can we not... talk about that... maybe?” your girlfriend asked even more embarrassed

“We're grown ups, G... we can talk about sex” Keira rolled her eyes before speaking to herself “Do I wake you up Bitsy or not?”

“Why do you want to wake her up? I literally just put her to sleep” Georgia ignored the first part and just jumped on the you-waggon

“She should eat... but as you said... she just fell asleep...” Keira mumbled looking over to your sleeping form

“Wake her... I still got time so I can bore her to sleep again” G said happily

“How often do you talk anyway?” Keira asked finding it quiet endearing how your relationship blossomed and she was very grateful that she was one of the first (if not the first) to witness it

“You mean like now? Or texting?” your girlfriend asked

“Like now.... you immediately knew what she needed – it's cute” the blonde grinned

“Every Day... even when I have games we make time... if it's just five minutes” Georgia said and Keira could hear how important it was for the younger girl

“Didn't peck you as a routine girl, G” Keira teased her friend

“It's important to her....” your girlfriend answered and her voice showed nothing but love for you.

“God G... you sound like your neck deep in love” the blonde chuckled but was met with silence from the other end

“G??” Keira asked kinda bewildered

“Yeah... still there” the younger one mumbled ashamed

“Talk to me G” the blonde encouraged her

“I know it sounds stupid but... god Kei I do love her... I know we haven't dated for long but... I can see her as my forever... I know it's early to say something like that but it feels so different with her... good different...” Georgia tried to put her feelings into word

“Calm down G... it's okay.. it's just me... honestly... I can see it too – you shouldn't say anything like that to Luce tho... at least not for the next... 10.... no... 25 years” Keira said softly and tried to lighten the mood a little bit

“It just... it scares me a little bit I never felt like this about anyone” Georgia explained

“G... if you know, you know... and it's okay to get scared or overwhelmed... but you need to talk to someone – ideally with y/n but you can always talk to me too... keep communicating” the blonde said trying to calm her friend down

“I just never felt like this... like... she's my air you know... god I sound so cheesy... but when I look at her nothing else matters... when she smiles it's like getting hit with a truck and Kei.... when she laughs... it's the most beautiful sound in the world” your girlfriend said and Keira could just HEAR the love

“Tell her G... tell her that every day... because even if they always act so tough... both of them Bronzes need to hear things like that” Keira said softly

“How do you know?” Georgia asked confused

“And she's back” the blonde rolled her eyes “Why do all of you always forget that I dated a Bronze.... for YEARS”

“Ah yeah... you dated the other Bronze” your girlfriend laughed

“Technically I dated the one Bronze... you date the other Bronze” Keira said

Suddenly there was a crashing sound from the living room followed by a whined “Keira” and Keira groaned

“She fell of the couch again?” Georgia asked knowingly

“Yep.... catch you later G... I have to go aid your girlfriend” the blonde huffed

“Tell her I love her, yeah” your girlfriend said hopefully

“Will do... see you in a few days in Camp G... and G” Keira said

“Yeah?”

“You're good for her... Lucy will see this too... so don't let Luce push you around... stand up for your relationship” the blonde said and her voice had a loving tone

“Thanks Kei... I mean it” your girlfriend answered honesty

“KEIRAAAAA” you whined from the floor of the living room

“COMING... jesus...” the blonde yelled back “See you in a few day G...” she said before ending the call

“What happened there Bitsy, hm?” the blonde asked you as she knelt down beside you

“Fell off” you mumbled

“I see that” Keira chuckled “You want to go back to sleep or eat a little bit”

“Shepherds pie?” you asked your eyes shining hopefully

“Waiting in the Kitchen” the blonde smiled as she pulled you up by your good wrist “After that you go straight to bed, do you hear me?”

“Yeah mom” you mumbled and Keira noticed you're definitely still asleep

Keira basically had to feed you since you nearly face planted into your plate several times before she dragged you back to her guestroom. As usual you didn't want to sleep alone so you just started to whine until the blonde gave in once again leading you towards her bedroom. You were dead asleep the second your head hit the pillow so Keira just threw a blanket over you and went back to the living room after she cleaned the kitchen and started packing for her (hopefully) call-up to national camp. Just as Kei was halfway through her packing her phone rang and Lucys name showed up on the display

“What can I do for you ex?” she grinned into the phone as she locked her phone in between her ear and shoulder to have her hands free

“Hello to you too other mother of my princess... Bubs around?” Lucy shot back but Keira knew she wasn't serious

“OUR princess, ex...” the blonde corrected grinning “Nope... your sister is dead to the world in my bed”

“I KNEW there was something going on... G is just a cover, innit?” Lucy exclaimed and faked being shocked

“Oh no... you figured us out” Keira answered monotonous and pausing for a second before starting to chuckle “What you need from her? Not that I could get her up anyway but I'm sure she'll be up at some point in the night”

“I actually need YOU” Lucy mused and Keira heard the slight begging undertone

“Oh my Luce... I thought we were past the sex with the ex act... does Ona know what you're proposing right now?” the blonde just couldn't give up such an opportunity to tease her ex girlfriend

“Oh my god... no... not for that... that front is very well covered thank you very much...” your sister stuttered shocked which caused Keira to start laughing “I need you to bring y/n with you to training tomorrow...”

“That's a given” Keira rolled her eyes “You think I'm gonna leave her out of my sight after the stunt she pulled today?”

“... as fast asleep as possible” Lucy finished her sentences ignoring Keiras interruption

“She definitely outgrown the dino-harness...” the blonde said knowing exactly what Lucy was planning

“I... modified it?” your sister said slowly

“Modified it?” Keira asked confused

“The buckle just works like I belt... so I strapped a belt into the buckle so it would fit...” Lucy said reluctantly

“She will throw a whole ass tantrum you know that right... and you want me to get involved as well” the blonde said warningly

“I know... but come on Kei... she proved today that she actually is not grown up enough to be left to her own devices...” your sister huffed out

“Did it accrue to you that she actually IS grown up enough and she just lets her guard down around you because she knows you're the only person in the entire world that will always be in her corner no matter what... I mean... except for me” Keira said and she knew she hit a nerve when there was no come back from the other end of the line

“I was scared Kei” Lucy admitted her voice low

“I know... I was scared too Luce... but she's growing up... you have to let her make mistakes” the blonde sighed knowing it was so hard to let you off the (imaginary) leash

“I know... but let me have my moment tomorrow.. I'm taking the blame... tell her you didn't knew” Lucy begged a little bit

“If she doesn't talk to you for weeks don't come to me crying” Keira warned “You have a girlfriend for that now... not my problem anymore”

“Deal... but I promise I'll get in her good books at end of training again” your sister said and Kei could hear her grin

“Do I want to know?? I feel a headache forming” the blonde mumbled

“I'll let her drive my Cupra... we just need to wait long enough till the parking lot is empty” your sister said excited thinking she could fulfil a wish for you

“Oh Luce” Keira sighed

“I know... she's going to be so happy” Lucy could hardly contain her excitement

“Oh you have no idea” the blonde tried to warn her friend without saying too much

What Lucy of course didn't knew was that Jill (Scott), Millie and Rachel gifted you 10 driving lessons for your birthday – but not just driving lessons they were stunt driving lessons. Of course it was mostly courtesy of Jill who knew a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy. So while your sister was under the dreamy impression that she would make you happy being the first one who's letting you drive (even if it was kinda illegal) you perfected the art of drifting, donuts and race gear shifting. And of course how to use the breaks – you weren't completely stupid. But it was the second best present this day. Jill even went so far in buying you race driver shoes – like formula one shoes.

“So you bring her in tomorrow?” Lucy asked hopefully

“Asleep as possible... I'll get her to Nuo around 8... you better be there and get her in that harness before she interacts with Mapí because that will kick-start her” Keira sighed again knowing tomorrow will be an absolute disaster.

“Thanks Kei” your sister said happily “I'll wait in front of the locker room for you”

“You owe me Luce...” the blonde replied

“What do you want?” Lucy asked interested

“I want to have Narla over Christmas” Keira said

“Hard bargain there, Walsh... but okay... but I get her new years” your sister huffed out

“Okay... 8 o'clock locker room.. if you're late I'll let Mapí talk to her” the blonde threatened playfully

“Aye woman...” Lucy answered and Keira could just picture how she put her hand up to a mock salute

“Hate you” the blonde grinned

“No you don't.... see you tomorrow Kiewa” your sister answered using a stupid nickname you once tried to get spread through national team

Keira just hung up continuing to pack some shirts before she called it a night too. She carefully entered her bedroom to find you still dead asleep but you moved to her side your nose pressed deep into her pillow

“Why can't you always be so sweet?” the blonde mumbled lowly a slight smile on her lips

As if you heard her you started to snore – very lightly which caused Keira to laugh quietly before laying down on your other side. Just like always you immediately noticed the “intruder” as you turned around still asleep as you cuddled up to Keiras side

“Bitsy come on.. wake up... we're leaving in five” Keira shook you awake next morning

“Nooooo...” you whined sleepily turning away from her “... five more minutes”

“We're leaving in five, Bitsy... come on... up and at em” the blonde didn't give up “Up... now... teeth, clothes, car” she said sternly

“Kei... nooooo” you whined trying to get away from her shaking

“Up NOW Bitsy” the blonde got even more firm – which she hated herself for

“Yeah okay... I'm up” you grumbled as you stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom

Exactly 5 minutes later you stood at the door where Keira was waiting for you impatiently. You had your shirt on backwards, Barcelona training kit shorts which were slightly too big for you and a England bucket hat on your head

“Is that my bucky?” the blonde asked confused

“Couldn't find anything else and I'm NOT sitting in the sun today... learned my lesson” you mumbled and Keira noticed how grumpy you were

“Come on Bitsy... I'll get you coffee at Camp Nuo” the blonde said hoping to get your spirits up just a little bit – at this point you'd probably rip Lucys throat apart with your teeth if she'd touch you and buckle you up in the harness. She decided to give Lucy a warning which your sister replied with a thumbs up

“Kay” you mumbled as you stumbled towards Keiras car

23 Minutes later you arrived at Camp Nuo and Keira manoeuvres you expertly through the long hallways

“Jesus... bet some people died in here trying to find a toilet” you grumbled as Keira pushed you around another corner which caused the blonde to chuckle behind you her hand never leaving the small of your back

“Not so bad once you figured it out... you were here before, you know.. you just were very VERY high... Alexia lost you twice – not that your sister knows but still... Capi needed to confine someone” Keira laughed

“I actually don't know... I was high... I know NOTHING from that day” you grumbled as you spotted your sister waiting in front of a door that looked just like the 500 doors you already passed.

“Bon dia Bubs” your sister smiled warmly

“Bon fuck yourself” you grumbled while you walked passed her thinking you need to keep going as Lucy grabbed your shirt to pull you back

“Locker room is this way” she said not letting you get to her nerves as you outright sweared at her.

Next thing you knew was that you were buckled up in something and as you looked down you spotted the familiar face of Bronzo the Bronto (courtesy of Dszenifer who thought it would be funny to name your dino-harness Bronzo). Before your brain could even recognise what just happened you heard Lucy victorious chuckle “Still got it”

“Wha... Wha... Wait what??” you stuttered as you tried to comprehend what just happened

“It's okay Bubs... just want you to be save” Lucy said lowly knowing this could go two ways. Either you accept it since you haven't even had coffee yet OR you could completely explode.

Your brain choose option two for you and you just started to sprint. Your sister didn't see that coming she was more prepared for you to attack her directly so you got a few meters between the two of you before Lucy grabbed the leash tightly in her hand trying to stop your running. What she also wasn't prepared for was the strength you could get out of your fury so Alexia was met with a angry faced running you as she rounded the corner as you basically dragged Lucy behind you who still tried to get you under control

“Bubs come on... calm down” your sister tried again “Bon dia Capi” she smile quickly at Alexia before she got dragged on

“I... don't even want to know” the blonde spaniard mumbled to herself as she continued her way to the locker room

“The Bronzes out there?” Keira asked as Alexia entered the changing room

“This way... Cariño seemed quite aggressive this morning” the blonde pointed to the right

“Yeah... Lucy jumped her with the dino-harness... did anyone had any blood on them?” Keira asked getting a little concerned when Alexia used “aggressive”

“Not that I saw... but the Cariño pulled Lucy around like she weight nothing...” the spaniard answered as she tied her cleats

“Yeah... y/n in a bad mood is someone you don't want to cross...” the blonde englishwoman said as she stood up from her cubical grabbing her water bottle

“And why exactly is Cariño pulling around Lucia?” Alexia now questioned as she copied Keira and grabbed her bottle as well when the two women make their way to the field

“You'll see” Keira grinned knowingly

“Bon dia” the two blonde smiled towards the media staff as they recorded the famous arriving of the players

“LEFT!!! TO THE LEFT!!!!” the whole team heard Lucys yelling and all heads turned towards the tunnel exit

“I'LL PRESENT YOU MY LEFT TO YOUR NOSE IN A SECOND!!!!! LET ME THE FUCK GO!!! THIS IS LITERALLY KIDNAPPING!!!” you shouted back and Keira heard that you were about to lose it

“HA!!!!!” Lucy exclaimed as she pulled you out after her “You admit you're a kid... so you get treated like one.... Bon dia” your sister smiled at the camera having the leash over her shoulder walking slightly hunched forward as you got pulled backwards.

“I swear to god Lucy... I rip you to pieces” you sneered as you passed the media staff

The whole team watched the interaction between the two of you and before you knew it you heard a loud laugh. Mapí just couldn't help herself as she saw you in the bright green dino-harness kicking and pouting like a three year old. You of course didn't think it was funny so you turned and sprinted past Lucy about to fight the tattooed spaniard as Lucy hauled you back

“Nooooo... we don't fight” your sister said sternly as she held the leash tightly digging her feet into the grass so you couldn't pull her along again

“She's laughing” you said accusing and even Lucy saw that your patience’s wearing thin

“Let her Bubs... come on... I even got you some coffee and ice cream” your sister tried to lure you away as Mapí stupidly opened her mouth

“You wearing a kiddie-leash” the spaniard laughed loudly as Ingrid stepped in looking at Lucy

“Where did you find that? That is a great idea!!” the Norwegian asked interested

“Bronzo? Bought it back in Lyon when missy here decided to go on a stroll while I was... occupied and I had to pick her up hours later at a police station” your sister grinned as she playfully tugged on the leash

“You weren’t “occupied” you were shoving your tongue down Keiras throat!!!” you exclaimed aggregated

“I think my life would benefit from something like this as well” Ingrid mused her eyes sparkling

“Why would we need something like this, mi amor?” Mapí now asked confused

Ingrid just raised an eyebrow expectantly at her girlfriend waiting for her to catch on – and finally she did

“NO.... I don’t need something like this... I’m no hija” the tattooed spaniard exclaimed annoyed looking at you pointingly as she referred to you as a child

“You sure sound like one at the moment...” the Norwegian grinned as Mapí pouted and crossed her arms over her chest before sticking out her tongue to you

You tried to get to her again as Alexia now stepped in and stopped you

“cálmate” the blonde spaniard said calmly and the usage of spanish got you out of your head

“Huh?” you asked as you looked at her confused

“cálmate” Alexia repeated softly

“Cellmate?” you asked even more confused “makes no sense dude”

“It means “Calm down” in spanish” the blonde answered her voice calm and low

“Ha... so calm mate is making sense” you said but weirdly you felt much more calm

“It kinda does, doesn't it” the Capitan still kept her voice calm as she grabbed your waist manoeuvring you to the side line without breaking eye contact as she feared you would jump on Mapí and kill her.

Everyone watched the interaction stunned as you just let Alexia carefully move you away from the team. Even Lucy and Keira couldn't believe it since it was normally a fight for hours till you calmed down.

“Shit Capi is good” Lucy mumbled loosening the leash so you wouldn't feel the pressure and would snap again

“Shut up before you shift her focus and we have another fight on our hands” Keira shushed her ex girlfriend warningly

Alexia manoeuvred you into a shady corner the leash now dragging behind you since Lucy had to let go of it to not disturb the little moment you have with her Capitan.

“Are you gonna be good and stay here or do I have to tie this leash to one of the posts?” Alexia asked you quietly but still firmly

“Not gonna run” you mumbled kinda ashamed and embarrassed being strapped into a kiddie-harness right in front of (yet again) world class players “So embarrassing”

“No need to be embarrassed Cariño... we just want you save” the blonde said quietly keeping this interaction as private as possible “And it makes Lucia feel so much better knowing you're save”

“She could just have...” you started but couldn't come up with a reasonable solution

“It's the best solution for now... and after training I'll let you chase Mapí for making fun of you, okay.. now please stay here – I give you the... depth of doubt and won't tie this leash up but if you disappoint me I won't hesitate to do so” Alexia said softly but it was a fair warning to you

“Benefit...” you mumbled not meeting her eyes “It's benefit of the doubt... but thank you”

“If you need something just yell or tell one of the staff members okay?” the blonde smiled warmly at you

“Is there coffee around?” you asked hopefully as the blonde started laughing signalling to one of the staff to come over. She quickly spoke to the young man in spanish and he jogged off back into the building

“Cortado is on the way” the Capitan winked “you remember “thank you” in spanish?”

“Moohtschas grazia or something like that” you said after a second of thinking and you could see Alexia visibly flinch at your butchering her mother tongue

“You have to speak softer, Cariño... spanish is a soft language – not harsh... try again... muchas gracias” the blonde encouraged you to try again

“That's what I said... Moohtschas grazias” you said confused

“You are to hard on the “s”... it's “s” like … sunshine... not “z” like... what's this white and black horse?” she tried to remember

“Zebra” you helped her out

“Sí... Zebra... again... muchas...” Alexia spoke slowly empathizing the “s”

“muchas” you tried to copy her pronunciation

“gracias” the blonde said slowly again

“gracias” you followed

“Bíen... muchas gracias” Alexia smiled proudly at you “Now be good and stay here” she said as she pressed a light kiss to your forehead and left you standing there rooted in place.

The only people who were allowed to give forehead kisses were Lucy, Keira, Sarina and Georgia. Alexia wasn't allowed and you were very careful when it came to physical contact. Keira of course kept an eye on you through warm ups and saw the interaction with Alexia. As soon as the blonde spaniard leant down to press a small kiss to your forehead Keira already moved towards you

“It's okay Bitsy... it's how the spanish are, okay... she doesn't mean any harm” Keira spoke calmly since she knew what physical contact – at least not predicted one – did to you.

“It's just the way they are around here, okay... they're very touchy feely... no need to freak out Bitsy okay” the blonde englishwoman kept talking until you looked at her

“She... she kissed me” you stuttered out

“I saw... but she doesn't mean any harm – it's really how they are here” Keira reassured you

“I... didn't like it... she didn't say anything beforehand” you said and the blonde could see how you were fighting an internal battle

“She doesn't know... no one knows you don't like contact like that” the blonde stayed calm through your conversation

“Why did she do that?” you asked confused

“She wanted to show you how good you did” Keira once again reassured you

“Ice cream would have done the job” you mumbled which caused the blonde to burst out laughing

“I know... but I can see some coffee coming this way... I bet it has your name on it” Keira smiled as she stroke through your hair and turned around to leave you to re-join training.

“muchas gracias” you said as the young man who grinned widely as he answered “De Nada”

You sat down on the ground sipping on your coffee watching the training going on as they switched from passing drills to 5 a side. You remembered these drills like the back of your hand and you already knew who would pass to whom and who would assist to who to get the ball into the back of the net. The drills they were playing were so predictable that you groaned internally. Just happens to not be internally – you groaned so loudly that even Jona turned around looking at you as if he tried to figure out if you're hurt again. He signalled Lucy and spoke to her quietly as her eyes snapped towards you before she came jogging over

“What's wrong Bubs... Jona said you might have hurt yourself he said you groaned quite loudly” your sister asked worried

“M not hurt... but this is so boring and your playing is so predictable...” you rolled your eyes

“What do you mean?” Lucy asked confused

“Okay wait...” you waited until the whistle blew again “Ingrid will pass it to Ona, Mapí tries to intercept but her footing is wrong so she won't get there in time. Ona will pass it as a high ball to that brown haired one who will TRY to get it down the middle with as a half-volley but Alexia stands to close so brown hair only gets the ball to bounce of Alexias hip... she will pass the ball to the right to flawless and flawless will cross it back into the middle to the blonde norwegian... who will make it look like she's going in for a header but she'll let the ball cross to the Jamaican spaniard who's already waiting at the back post... oh yeah... and Kei was open in the middle the whole time” you said and it happened exactly like you said just that you said it about 10 seconds before it all happened

“What the...” your sister listened to you as you predicted the whole tactic move before it even got played out now looking at you shocked

“Told you.. predictable” you shrugged your shoulders as Lucy waved Jona over to her speaking to him in spanish as now HIS eyes snapped towards you.

“Mind if we try something Bubs?” Lucy asked you smiling slightly

“I'm NOT trying your protein shakes again” you exclaimed

“No... I just want to show Jona something” she laughed as she nodded to her trainer.

Jona yelled something in spanish and the teams mixed up before he looked at you expectantly

“Tell me what's going to happen now, Bubs... I'll translate for him” Lucy encouraged you as you scanned the field and who the players were positioned

After a few minutes you looked at your sister “Team Yellow is going to score first... they have a technical midfield and even if Team Red has the better defence, they will concentrate on the forwards instead of the midfield and either Kei or tweedledee will score – team reds defence will probably only watch tweedledumb and Jamaican spaniard and forget about the technical finesse these two midfielders have... Alexia will realize it first but it will be to late” you shrugged your sister as she spoke lowly to her trainer who then turned around to blow the whistle.

Again you watched bored as the game rolled out just as you said – it was Keira who had the finishing touch on the ball to hit the back of the net. Jona turned around to you looking like he saw a ghost

“How did you know this?” Lucy asked you after Jona talked to her for a minute

“Predictable” you felt like a broken record “You guys focus too much on the forwards... you have an amazing midfield but you only go for the forwards... it’s a wonder you’re opponents haven’t figured it out already”

Lucy again translated what you said to her trainer who couldn't stop to look at you with a shocked face

“He wants you” your sister grinned

“Yeah no... I don't dingdongs... sorry” you waved off before yelling over to the field “Keira... rotate your hip more when you go for that high ball... and lock your ankle... you look like a fucking penguin trying to walk on ice”

“He wants you in his training staff you horny bitch” Lucy bit out

“Yeah... he can get in line” you mumbled watching Keira closely as she tried to follow through with what you just said

“What was that?” your sister asked confused

“KEIRA for god sakes... LOCK THIS BLOODY ANKLE... you locked it around my sisters waist enough times that I know you're able to do so!!!” you yelled again not happy with the outcome of your “pointers”

“Dear heavens” Lucy groaned as half the team looked at her while the other half looks at Keira “No more caffeine for you”

“It's not the caffeine that's the problem here...” you mumbled watching Keira step up to the ball again

“Then what is?” Lucy asked annoyed

“You REALLY want the answer to this question?” you raised an eyebrow at her

“On second thought...” your sister interrupted quickly

“Yep.. thought so...” you grinned fake “BETTER KEI!! Good job” you yelled out as the ball was nearly perfect

“Thanks Bitsy” the blonde yelled back smiling

“Always” you shouted before sitting down again

“What did you mean when you said Jona can get in line?” Lucy asked bringing the former topic back up

“You really think he's the first trainer that offered me a job??” you looked at her in disbelieve

“I... can't follow you” your sister said getting more and more confused

“The first one who offered was Sarina after the Euros... you think it was an accident to bring Tooney and Less in just after halftime? Second one was Alex Straus, third one was Emma, fourth one was Jonas, fifth was Gareth and on place no. 6 now the spanish guy... so yeah... he can get in line” you said seriously as you looked your sister straight in the eye

“I had no idea” Lucy said slowly compensating the information

“Yeah... it's not like I make a big deal out of it” you shrugged but Lucy knew you wanted to say something else

“You can always talk to me, Bubs” she said knowing you would need to hear it again and again and again

“Yeah... I know” you sighed

“Good... I'm going back to training okay... we have about 30 minutes left then we can go for ice cream...” she smiled softly at you before turning around leaving

“Hey Luce?” you shouted after her

“Yeah?”

“Can I have your phone please... mines dead again and I'm bored... you have games on your phone right?” you asked pouting a little for good measure

“Sure... pin is your birthday” your sister went over to her bag quickly and tossed you her phone

“Love you” you shouted after her.

Just as you wanted to start playing candy crush it started to ring. Caller was “Lionesses”. So you figured you could answer the phone.

“Lucy Bronzes phone... you're speaking with the better looking and younger version” you answered the call

There was a beat of silence before the other person started to speak

“Y/n??” you heard a confuses voice

“Hi Mama Rina” you said happily noticing Sarinas voice immediately

“I thought I called Lucy” the Dutch was majorly confused

“You did... I'm currently at the Camp Nope watching her train and I got bored so I got her phone to play candy crush” you explained as the smile never left your face.

“Oooooh okay... think she can make it to Camp next week?” Sarina asked and you could her smile through the phone

“Wait... I'll ask her...” you said before covering the phone with your hand “LUUUCCYYYY!!!! SARINA WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU ARE FREE NEXT WEEK FOR CAMP!!!” you yelled of the top of your lungs

“WHAT?” your sister asked confused

“NATIONALCAMP NEXT WEEK!! YES? NO?” you yelled again

“YES OF COURSE!!!” Lucy yelled already on her way over again

“She said yes... Keira is here too” you got back to the call

“Would you mind, Liefje?” Sarina asked you already pulling the phone away from her ear knowing you're going to start yelling in a second

“KEIRA??? NATIONALCAMP – YES OR NO?!” you yelled to the blonde englishwoman

“YES” Keira just yelled back not bothering asking why you asked her

“Kei said yes too...” you repeated the answer to the womans national coach

“Thank you, snoepje... I'll see you all in a week then” the Dutch smiled and ended the call

“Why are you on the phone with Sarina?” your sister asked

“She called...” you shrugged your shoulders “Flights will be send per email as usual”

“She called... okay...” Lucy said dumb folded and left again

Just as training was about to end and you roamed the side line a little bit – always under the watchful eye of Alexia, Lucy and Keira – Mapí tried to do a midfield shot on goal. Of course she booted the ball without any precision and the ball ended up in your direction

“Y/N!! WATCH OUT!” Keira yelled as she saw the ball rocketing towards you.

You lifted your head just in time to recognise the ball but you didn't have time to THINK what you would do. Your body reacted out of reflex and muscle memory. You stopped the ball perfectly with your chest before you volleyed it down the field with your right food and your precision was so on point that the ball came in perfect for Keira who stopped the ball with her foot mid air to turn with it and just tipped it into the open goal. Everyone on the pitch looked at you shocked and even you were shocked about what happened. Since you got your diagnosis with your third ACL you swore to yourself to never touch a ball again – and yet here you were assisting a “goal” for Keira and it was all Mapís fault. No one dared to move as they kept staring at you – and suddenly it clicked in your head. You looked at Lucy. You looked at Keira.

“Bubs no... it's okay... you're okay” Lucy tried to approach you slowly as she spoke softly seeing in your eyes exactly what your next move would be.

Oh how right she was – the second it really sunk in what just happened you bolted. You jumped over the barrier running as fast as you could. OF COURSE you forgot about the dino-harness. You just entered the tunnel as you got hauled backwards with such a force that you lost your footing and crashed into the ground. You just laid there as you tried to breath but your breathing became more hectic and rapid. Your sisters face appeared next to you only seconds later pulling you upon into a sitting position as she shuffled in behind you pressing your body back into hers as you tried to fight her grip

“It's okay Bubs... nothing happened... you're okay..” Lucy reassured you over and over again as you keep struggling in her arms trying to get free

“You need to breath for me Bubs... come one... deep breaths” your sister spoke softly ignoring the fact that you already hit her twice in the rips as she sat with you on the ground in the tunnel.

Suddenly Lucy heard fast approaching footsteps and the next second a panic stroked Mapí dropped to her knees in front of the two of you.

“Neña... Neña I'm so sorry... I didn't mean too... please” the spaniard begged you as she took your face in her hands seeing you so majorly distressed brought her to the verge of tears

You jerked back from her touch successfully head butting Lucy in the face who groaned painfully and felt hot liquid shooting out of her nose right into you hair as you kept your face away from Mapí. Your sister tightened the grip around you body basically switching to koala hug you from behind as tight as possible as you kept throwing your weight around

“Maps please... I know you're sorry and I know it wasn't on purpose but I need you to leave us alone right now” Lucy said through gritted teeth not because she was angry she just felt her strength leaving her arms and she knew the second she would let go you'd be gone and probably gone for days.

“I just want her to know how sorry I am... I really didn't mean to... Keira said I opened the box of Pandora” the tattooed spaniard said and Lucy heard the desperation in her voice

“I know Maps... I know it wasn’t intentional... and I promise you everything will be okay again – it's not the first time I'm going through this with her and she will calm down eventually... we just need space” your sister answered – even tho her voice got quite nasally – calmly to not set the spaniard off even more.

She could see how Mapí beat herself up but she was oh so thankful when she heard another pair of footsteps approaching and seconds later Mapí got hurled to her feet and dragged away by her girlfriend. As soon as the spaniard was gone from your vision you calmed down significantly reducing to a whimpering mess in your sisters arms

“I know Bubs... it's still too much for you and I know you need to work through it in your own time...” Lucy spoke quietly into your hair as she started to rock the both of you back and forth.

Lucy loosened her grip around you slightly to see your reaction but not too much if you'd try to bolt. Thankfully you exhausted yourself to the point where you just sack against her trying to find as much comfort in her touch as possible. You stayed like this for another 10 minutes with your sister mumbling sweet nothings into your hair before Lucy heard a low whistle coming from the tunnel entrance. As she looked up she saw Keira poking her head around the corner an eyebrow raised in question. The blonde knew from past experiences that you would get send right into another panic attack if there was anyone else except for Lucy around you. Lucy looked down on your hunched form back up at Kei and nodded. Keira approached the two of you carefully always ready to stop or even retreat if you showed any sign of discomfort

“That was a bad one” the blonde whispered as she slid down next to the two of you.

“I'm so thankful for that stupid leash... we wouldn't have found her for at least days Kei... if not weeks” Lucy whispered back as she adjusted your hold on you pulling you closer to her chest

“I know... but Mapí didn't mean too...” Keira said as she kept her voice low

“I know... I'm not blaming her or anyone... it was a stupid coincidence” your sister answered her eyes never leaving you

“She just broke down in the locker room... she's beating herself up really bad for that” the blonde whispered

“Ingrid with her?” Lucy asked alarmed not wanting Mapí to fall down into a mental hole as well – one mental breakdown was enough for one day.

“Course... Alexia as well... but she needs to hear it from y/n... it's funny isn't it? They know her for a few days but I bet my yearly salary that every single woman in that room would jump in front of a truck for her” Keira said and a low chuckle left her throat

“It's the Bronze charm... you fell for it too... twice actually” your sister smiled slightly

“You wish... you figured out already that G is a cover... you think I was after you?” the blonde teased back

“Keira Fae...” Lucy faked gasped shocked “... are you implying you were after my Sister the whole time?”

Keira just grinned enjoying the playful banter that just shows what good of a relationship Lucy and her were still having. A purely friendly relationship but still up for banter.

As you registered more of your surroundings you noticed that at one point Keira must have entered the scene and you blindly patted your hand towards her hoping she'd understood. And of course she did – she took your hand into hers without and comment making sure to keep a good hold of it.

“It's okay Bitsy... we're here” the blonde whispered calmly

You just sunk deeper into your sisters arms pressing your face into the crook of her neck feeling utterly exhausted

“You should get your nose checked out” Keira said referring to the dried blood on Lucys face

“Later... not important right now” your sister mumbled squeezing you tighter to her chest

“M sorry Luce” you mumbled against her neck

“S okay Bubs... you just got scared” Lucy mumbled back pressing a kiss to your forehead

“M sorry to Mapí too... probly scared her” you half-slurred as your body felt heavy your mind exhausted

“Don't worry about it... you can talk to her tomorrow on the phone, okay?” your sister reassured you softly

“Want to pologize n person” you said as your closed again

“Okay... but tomorrow... you okay moving to the locker room?” Lucy asked carefully

“Don't want to see anyone” you shook your head

“I'll clear it out” Keira said as she stood up “Give me five minutes”

After five minutes Keira came back around the corner nodding. Lucy tried to stand up but with you in her lap and sitting on the hard ground for nearly an hour she wasn't able too. Your hand clutched her shirt tightly fearing she would disappear once you'd let go

“Come here Bitsy... the old woman needs help to stand up” Keira said her voice teasing as she pulled you off your sister into her arms.

You were basically dead weight at this point only be held up by the blondes strength. As soon as Lucy stood up (with a loud groan) she lifted you bridal style and started to walk towards the locker room where Alexia waited outside the door. The blonde spaniards eyes grew wide in shock as she saw Lucys face but recovered quickly as she just opened the door to the mostly empty locker room in silence letting your sister carry you inside before closing the door behind you. Inside Ona waited with a water bottle offering it to you as Lucy placed you in a corner on the bench letting you lean against the cool wall.

“I'm just gonna jump the shower quickly Bubs, okay... is it okay if Ona has an eye on you or do you want her to leave” Lucy spoke softly knowing from past experience that you couldn't deal with loud noises in that state

“S okay...” you mumbled taking a small sip of the water

“Okay” your sister sighed relieved “I'll be back in a flash okay Bubs”

You just nodded sipping slowly on your water while Ona retreated to the other side of the room not wanting to invade your space or scare you. You were pretty impressed she knew what you needed – then again Keira probably gave her a run down. The all to familiar feeling of loneliness spread in your chest again and you just grunted hoping Ona would understand your silent request. She wasn't Keira so you had to make yourself known a second time – this time with a whine. Ona noticed you were slightly in distress but didn't knew how to react. Keira told her to be there but not too close. But after you whined out she kicked all plans out the window approaching you carefully sitting down two cubical away from you

“You need anything, Bebita?” the blonde freckled spaniard asked quietly

“Hug” you whined out

“Ven aquí entonces” Ona mumbled out and to both of your surprise you basically threw yourself into her arms.

That's how Lucy found you 10 Minutes later – you fast asleep in Onas arms who looked like she was hardly breathing not wanting to scare you.

“Welcome to the family” Lucy smiled as she passed you seeing how content you apparently felt in her girlfriends arms

“I didn't to anything I swear... she asked for a hug then threw herself at me and seconds later she was out like a light” the spaniard whispered her voice slightly panicked not wanting to set you off.

“Don't worry... she won't wake up...” Lucy waved off speaking normal volume “I know you didn't started it... but you have no idea what this means... you are basically now her sister too... she accepts no one other than Keira or me to touch her in that state... and here we are with her fast asleep in your arms... you made it Babe”

“Is this her way of telling me she's okay with me dating you?” Ona smiled

“It's more than that... she's telling you that she trusts you” your sister said as she put a new shirt on “You know if a physio is still around? Need my nose checked out – don't think it's broken but better save than sorry”

“Marc should still be around...” the spaniard answered “What's with her”

“Hope you're comfortable... I'll be back quickly” Lucy grinned widely before slipping out of the door before her girlfriend could protest

Outside she was met with Keira and Alexia both leaning against the opposite wall

“Wow... extra security detail... she's asleep – no need for bodyguards” your sister joked as she laid eyes on her two teammates

“How is she?” Keira asked cutting straight to the point

“Asleep... Ona seems to meet her standards when it comes to sleepability” Lucy smiled

“Good... keep me updated... and if you need anything” the blonde started already grabbing her things knowing there's nothing for her to do anymore

“I'll text you... thanks Kei... it really meant a lot... also means... thank you” your sister said honestly

“Always Luce... always... whatever you need... or whatever she needs” Keira smiled back warmly

“Kay... see you tomorrow Kei” Lucy hugged her ex girlfriend and pressed a soft kiss to her temple

“And what can I do for you Capi?” your sister asked expectantly after she turned around

“Let's take a walk?” the blonde spaniard asked

“I need to see Marc anyway...” Lucy shrugged her shoulders

“What happened?” Alexia asked straight away

“Panic attack” your sister answered as the two women walked down the hallway

“But why... nothing happened” the blonde asked confused

“For us it was nothing... for her it opened up old deep wounds” Lucy answered “I'm about 95% sure it was the first time she touched a ball in over three years. You see... you just went through an ACL tear and rehab yourself... you know what it takes and how it feels... now imagine being 13 and went through it twice already and you AGAIN tore your ACL... I still can remember the look she had on her face when I told her what the diagnosis was... she was just stoic... for weeks she didn't talk just basics... she hardly ate – just what Keira and I basically forced down her throat and there were a lot of panic attacks and nightmares... at some point she got better again – but she never worked it out... and I'm still waiting for the day when she finally breaks... that earlier was just a panic attack about touching a ball again”

Alexia listened carefully before looking at Lucy with a sorrow face

“No...” your sister immediately said sternly “We don't pity her of feel sorry for her... we're proud of her...”

“She didn't deserve that... that ball was PERFECT Lucia...” the blonde spaniard said and her voice was full of hurt

“I know... you haven't seen her play... how she ran circles around Jill Scott or Ellen White out dribbling them with such ease.. how she kicked a Gatorade bottle off the crossbar – from the other box just for fun... how she spend HOURS on the side line when I had training just playing keep ups... believe me Alexia when I say... I KNOW” Lucy answered and for a second Alexia saw just how hurt Lucy was for you “But she fought... three times she fought back... doc said she'd probably will have a limp all live – do you see her limping? No... because she fought... so no, we don't pity her... we're so SO proud of her”

“She is remarkable, just like her biggest Idol....” Alexia smiled but it had a sad nuance

“I wish I was half as Tough as she is” your sister smiled back understanding her Capitan immediately.

“Just keep being there for her Lucia... she doesn't need anything more from you...” the blonde squeezed Lucys shoulder lightly “And now get that nose checked... you looked... not very appealing”

“I looked like shit... but thanks Capi... see you tomorrow” your sister smiled as she went inside to the physio who told her a few proddings later that her nose was in fact fine

“Hey... I'm back” Lucy said lowly finding you and Ona in the same position she left you in

“Hola... you okay?” Ona asked smiling slightly as you drooled on her shirt your head laying on her shoulder

“Nothing broken... just bruised.... home?” your sister asked as she already packed up hers and Onas stuff

“You really want to move her? She's sleeping so peacefully” the blonde asked concerned looking down on you.

“You want to stay here all night?” Lucy asked back raising an eyebrow

“Let's get her home” Ona said after a second

“Yep thought so... You bags I her?” your sister asked smiling

“I bag and keys...” the blonde grinned “... you know since she's around I'm driving your car more than you do... I like it... she can stay” the blonde winked

“You wish...” Lucy huffed as she pulled you into her arms to carry you to the car “Let's go home Bubs” she whispered and smiled as you sighed out pressing your face against her neck.

#woso image #lucy bronze x reader #keira walsh x reader #barca femeni #mapi leon x reader #ingrid engen x reader #lucy bronze #ona batlle x reader #alexia putellas x reader

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darlingsblackbook · 7 months ago

Text

Weight of Expectations - 1

Simon Riley x Reader

Summary : You try and try your best, still it's not good enough for your liutenant. What happens when he pushes you too far?

Warnings : ANGST, simon being mean, bullying, yelling, feelings of lonliness, sad y/n.

AN : I was half asleep and dreaming while writing this, I was adding tags with my eyes closed, because wth are these tags, ghost car? Simon rileyn? 😭

The training grounds were a stark landscape of mud and sweat, a battleground that I had only just begun to navigate. The air was thick with tension, filled with the sounds of grunts, shouts, and the rhythmic thuds of feet pounding against the ground

Each day felt like a test, a relentless march toward proving their worth. I wanted this—wanted to be part of something bigger, to prove I had what it took. But every day felt like a war against Ghost.

“Push harder!” Simon’s voice cut through the air like a whip crack, sending a jolt of anxiety through me. The Ghost stood with arms crossed, his dark eyes fixed on me with an intensity that made my heart race. “You call that running? I’ve seen snails with more ambition!”

With every training session, it became painfully clear that Simon’s expectations were sky-high. He was relentless, punishing mistakes with unforgiving criticisms that left no room for error. His gaze, cold and piercing, seemed to search for weaknesses, and I felt myself being scrutinized under his harsh glare. The others seemed to flow around him, taking his orders without hesitation, while I couldn't help but feel like I was constantly struggling to keep up, drowning under the pressure.

“Y/N, stop daydreaming and move!” Simon barked, his tone sharp enough to cut through the humidity of the summer air. I flinched at the command, the sting of embarrassment burning deep as I forced my legs to work faster. The rest of the recruits moved like well-oiled machines, their movements synchronized, while I just felt like an outsider in my own skin, flailing and failing.

“Not good enough!” Simon snapped, stepping closer, his voice low and icy. “You think this is a game? If you can’t handle this, you don’t belong here.” His words hung heavy in the air, making me feel small and insignificant.

My heart sank. I looked around at the other recruits, hoping for a glimmer of support, but instead only found pity and judgment in their eyes. Whispers floated through the group as they watched Ghost tear me down, their words sharp as knives.

“How does Y/N expect to survive out there?” one recruit muttered. “If she can’t even handle a few laps, she's dead weight.”

The laughter that followed felt like a physical blow, and I fought against the tide of humiliation that threatened to pull me under. Every taunt cut deeper than Simon’s criticisms, reinforcing the idea that I were a burden, that my presence was not wanted. My frustration boiled over, and it was in these moments that I began to question my worth.

“Y/N, focus!” Simon shouted, his voice rising with irritation. “You think this is a time to be weak?” The anger in his tone sent a chill through me, and I felt my resolve waver. “If you can’t push through this, you’re never going to make it.”

“I’m trying,” I replied, my voice trembling as I wiped sweat from my brow. “I’m really trying.” But the words felt empty, echoing against the wall of Simon’s expectations.

“Trying isn’t enough. You either do or you don’t,” he shot back, his gaze unwavering, as if he was looking right through me. “Get back to it!” I swallowed hard, pushing through the pain, but it felt like running a race against the wind—every effort met with an unseen force pushing back.

With each failure, I felt a part of myself eroding under the weight of Simon’s criticism. It was exhausting to try and prove myself, especially when every moment seemed to invite more ridicule. The other recruits began to treat me with disdain, echoing Simon’s harsh sentiments.

During breaks, they would huddle together, sharing laughter and camaraderie, while I sat apart, feeling the sting of my isolation. Whispers and sideways glances followed me like shadows, a constant reminder of my perceived inadequacies.

“I heard she couldn’t even keep up with the warm-ups,” one recruit scoffed, and the others chuckled in agreement. The laughter rang in my ears like a cruel melody.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows over the training ground, with it came a sense of longing—a desire to be seen, to be validated. I wanted Simon to acknowledge my efforts, to see past the mistakes and recognize my potential.

But every time I looked at Simon for support, I was met with indifference. In those moments, I craved even a hint of recognition, a word of encouragement that might lift the veil of despair shrouding my spirit. Instead, he remained aloof, his focus always on the next exercise, the next task. I felt invisible, an afterthought in a world that seemed to favor the strong and confident.

The cycle of training continued, each session more grueling than the last. As Simon’s criticisms rained down, I could feel my spirit begin to fracture. I pushed through the pain, forcing my body to move even when every muscle screamed for relief. The fear of failure loomed large in my mind, overshadowing any glimmer of hope.

One afternoon, during an especially intense session, I found myself in a state of sheer exhaustion. The sweat was dripping from my brow, mingling with the dirt caked on my skin. I had just finished a series of demanding drills, and my legs felt like lead. Simon stood before me, arms crossed, his expression a mask of disapproval.

“Y/N, what was that?” he demanded, his voice a low growl. “You call that effort? You’re wasting my time!”

The humiliation washed over me like a tidal wave. “I—I’m trying!” I protested, my voice barely above a whisper. But the words felt feeble, lost against the weight of Simon’s disappointment.

“Trying isn’t enough!” he barked. “You think this is a game? You’re here to learn, to become a soldier. If you can’t handle a little discomfort, maybe you don’t belong here.”

The words struck me like a physical blow, reverberating through my chest. I struggled to hold back tears, the pain of inadequacy consuming me. “I’m not weak,” I said, but even to my own ears, the declaration sounded hollow.

Simon stepped closer, invading my personal space, and I felt the urge to shrink back. “Weakness isn’t tolerated here. You either toughen up, or you’re out. Simple as that.”

His words were harsh, but it was the indifference that cut the deepest. It was clear to me that Simon wouldn’t bend, wouldn’t show a shred of compassion. The weight of his expectations hung heavy, a noose tightening around my neck. As I looked into Simon’s eyes, searching for any hint of understanding, I found only a cold resolve. In that moment, I realized I was fighting not only against Simon’s expectations but also against a growing sense of hopelessness that threatened to consume me.

The sessions dragged on, and each day felt like an uphill battle. I was trapped in a cycle of despair and determination, fighting against the tide of my own limitations while yearning for a glimmer of hope. I could feel the eyes of the other recruits on me, judging and laughing as Simon’s harsh words echoed in my mind. “You’re not good enough.”

As the days turned into weeks, the atmosphere among the recruits shifted. My struggles became the source of gossip, the training ground's unofficial entertainment. Whispers followed me like shadows, a constant reminder of my failures. “Did you see Y/N today?” one recruit would say, and the laughter that followed was sharp and cutting. I felt the weight of their gaze, the disdain that seemed to pour from them, and it was suffocating.

The laughter was infectious, and soon it spread like wildfire, fueled by Simon’s unwavering stance against me. The others began to mirror his sentiments, adopting his sharp tone and biting remarks. “You’re slowing us down, Y/N!” one would shout, echoing Simon’s criticisms, and I could feel the sting of betrayal in those words. What had once felt like camaraderie had twisted into cruelty, and I felt my heart sink further.

In those dark moments, I sought solace in the only thing I could control: my training. I pushed myself harder, hoping that if I worked enough, Ghost would finally notice my efforts. If I bled, if I hurt, if I endured—perhaps he would see me for who I am, not just a disappointment. But every time I thought I was making any progress Ghost's criticism would bring me crashing back down.

“More effort, Y/N! You’re not even trying!” he would shout, the disdain in his voice as sharp as the crack of a whip. Each time, it felt like a dagger to my heart, leaving a deep wound that never seemed to heal. I gritted my teeth and pushed through, running lap after lap, each footfall resonating with my determination. But as the days dragged on, the thrill of ambition began to fade, replaced by a gnawing sense of despair.

Despite my efforts, the other recruits continued to treat me with a mix of scorn and derision. They would mutter comments when I struggled during drills, their laughter ringing hollow. “Maybe Y/N should just give up,” one would quip, and the others would snicker in agreement. It became a routine, a cruel game that I found myself trapped in, and with each passing day, my confidence eroded further.

One afternoon, during a particularly grueling training session, I felt the familiar tightening in my chest, a prelude to the storm of emotions that always threatened to drown me. I braced myself for the inevitable onslaught.

“Y/N! You’re not even close to meeting the standard! I could throw a rock and it would outperform you!” His words were met with a chorus of laughter from the other recruits, and my face flushed with humiliation. The heat of my embarrassment was nearly unbearable, and for a moment, I felt completely exposed, as if the entire world was watching me fail.

“I’m trying!” I, for once, shouted back. The words bursting forth in a moment of desperation. “I’m doing my best!”

“Your best isn’t good enough! It’s time to toughen up!” Simon shot back, his gaze unyielding. “This isn’t a charity; this is a military training ground. If you can’t handle the pressure, you should be looking for a way out.”

The laughter that followed felt like salt in an open wound, and again my heart sank further. I turned away, fighting back tears of frustration. Every word Simon spoke echoed in my mind, reinforcing the idea that I was a failure, a disappointment. The cruel laughter of my fellow recruits followed me like a shadow, a constant reminder that I was alone in a sea of expectation.

After the session ended, I lingered behind, desperate to escape the judgmental stares and the mocking whispers that clung to me. I longed for validation, for a moment of recognition from Ghost—anything that might help me feel like I belonged.

But instead of finding solace, I found only silence. Simon brushed past me, his attention already shifting to the next task. The lack of acknowledgment felt like a dagger, and I fought against the tears that threatened to spill over. The loneliness was crushing, and with every passing day, I felt myself slipping further away from the person I had hoped to become.

Weeks turned into months, my spirit grew more fragile, battered by the weight of Simon’s expectations and the harsh judgments of the other recruits. I began to wonder if I was truly cut out for this life, questioning my ambition and my resolve. Simon’s relentless push only deepened my doubts, and the idea of being a soldier began to feel like a distant dream, one that was slipping further from my grasp.

In a moment of quiet desperation, I decided to confront Simon after a training session. I needed to hear his thoughts, to understand if there was any hope of redemption. As the other recruits began to disperse, I took a deep breath and approached him, my heart pounding in my chest.

“luitenant,” I began, my voice shaking slightly. “Can we talk?”

He turned to face them, his expression unreadable. “Make it quick, Y/N. I don’t have all day.”

I swallowed hard, struggling to find the right words. “I know I’ve been struggling, and I’m trying my best to improve. But it feels like nothing I do is ever good enough for you. I just want to know if you think I can make it through this.”

Ghost's gaze hardened, and for a moment, I feared I had made a mistake. But instead of dismissing me outright, he seemed to actually consider my words. “You want to know if you can make it? The only person who can answer that is you. If you think you can, then you have to prove it. No one’s going to hand you anything in this life, especially not here.”

I felt a flicker of hope but quickly realized it was overshadowed by the reality of his words. I had grown accustomed to his harsh criticisms, but this felt like a challenge, an opportunity to reclaim my dignity. “I will prove it,” I replied, determination igniting within me. “I will show you that I can be strong.”

Simon nodded, a flicker of something—perhaps respect—crossing his face. “Then do it. Stop waiting for validation. Get out there and earn it.” With that, he turned away, leaving me standing there, feeling a strange mix of inspiration and despair.

As the days continued to unfold, I poured every ounce of energy into my training. I pushed myself to the brink, ignoring the pain that flared in my muscles. Each drill became a battle, and I fought with a ferocity I hadn’t known I possessed. Yet despite my efforts, the whispers and laughter of the other recruits echoed in my mind.

Even as I fought to prove myself, the negativity of my peers remained a heavy weight on my shoulders. Simon’s expectations loomed large, but it was the biting words of my fellow recruits that cut the deepest. Their taunts became a toxic backdrop to each training session.

“Why are you even trying, Y/N? You’ll never make it,” one would say, followed by a chorus of laughter that felt like daggers in my heart. Each jeer was a reminder of my isolation, a cruel reminder that I was fighting not only against Simon’s expectations but also against a tide of scorn that threatened to drown me.

I pressed on, fueled by a mixture of determination and desperation. I would not let the words of others define me, nor would I allow Simon’s disapproval to break my spirit. But the road ahead felt endless, littered with obstacles that seemed insurmountable.

In the depths of my struggles, I clung to the idea that perseverance would eventually yield results. If I could just push through the pain, the humiliation, the exhaustion—perhaps one day, I would emerge stronger. Perhaps one day, Simon would see me for who I truly am.

And so, I ran. I ran through the tears, through the laughter, through the doubts. Every step was a silent promise to myself—to rise above the negativity and become the soldier I had always dreamed of being.

As I pushed through the obstacles, I felt a flicker of determination ignite within me. I would not give up. Not now, not ever..

#simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost x reader #ghost #ghost x reader #ghost x you #ghost angst #ghost fluff #ghost car #cod mw2 #cod x reader #cod #ghost cod #call of duty #call of duty x reader #simon rileyn

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megalony · 7 months ago

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I Failed- Part 2

Here is the second part of my Eddie Diaz imagine, thank you all for the lovely feedback on the first part. I hope you will all like this next one.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyje @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra848484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @eleventhdoctorsangel @kniselle @senjoritanana @shauna-carsley @dottierose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1 @rainechase45 @lolalolsstuff @jupiter1700 @ashdoctor @an-aliens-ghost @lunaroserites @houseoftwistedspirits @callsignwidow @winterreader-nowwriter @reneinii @bellsbomb @western-pyro @itsgigikay @harry-satellite @midsummereve1993 @babyqueen17 @buckyyyismahhlife @sammiejane22

Eddie Diaz Masterlist

Part 1

Summary: After her miscarriage, (Y/n) and Eddie are trying to move forward again. But they encounter a few surprises and changes on the way.

Enjoy.

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A thunderstorm began to rage behind (Y/n)'s eyes as she slumped down into the chair opposite the doctor's desk.

She knew she looked far from her best. It was a struggle just to sit here and keep her eyes open, let alone sit straight and try to look engaged and bright when all she wanted to do was go home and crawl back into bed. She was tired. She wanted to be bright and uplifted and show the doctor that she was doing better, but that felt like too much effort.

She had been doing great for a while now. (Y/n) actually felt like she was getting back on track. But being around doctors brought down her moods and made her anxious.

At least this was only a routine appointment.

This wasn't a mental health check up like she'd gone to when she came out the hospital after the miscarriage. This wasn't a check up to see if her body was going back to normal after what she'd been through. No more assessments with nurses prodding her flattening tummy and asking indiscreet questions that made her want to cry.

Seeing her stomach deflate and watch her body go back to 'normal' with no baby to show for it had been hard enough. Without the nurses constantly prodding and checking and telling her she was fine, when she felt the exact opposite.

It wasn't fine to go through half a pregnancy and come out of it with no baby at the end.

It wasn't fine to spend the first two months after the miscarriage still believing she had done something wrong, that she had let Eddie down. Sometimes she woke up in the morning, pressed a hand to her stomach and felt like she was a failure at the one thing she wanted more than anything else in the world.

"So (Y/n), how are you?"

Her eyes drifted over to look at the doctor sat on the opposite side of the desk.

She didn't like that question, it was one she had been asked far too many times over the last six months. She didn't like people looking at her with sympathy in their eyes or panic in their voices. She didn't like hearing that question when it was the first thing the counsellor always asked her at their appointments. And (Y/n) was sick of hearing it by now.

"I'm doing good." She knew the tiredness on her face may contradict her words, but at least the look in her eyes was sincere. She wasn't lying.

(Y/n) didn't know where she would be or what would of happened if she didn't have Eddie by her side through this. If she had gone through the miscarriage with her ex, (Y/n) doubted she would have survived it. Everything had always been her fault even when it wasn't, and feeling sick was always 'an excuse' he said she used when she did things wrong.

Eddie never treated her like that. When she didn't feel like she could get out of bed, Eddie laid with her and wrapped her up in his arms. He held her until she felt like she could finally move. He didn't force her into recovery too fast or push her past her boundaries, he simply walked with her every step of the way.

He never blamed her. He didn't tell her she should 'snap out of it by now' or that she was getting hung up on the past.

He told her how much he loved her, how well he thought she was doing and made her feel like each day she managed to piece herself together was an achievement.

"That's good. So this is just a general check up, an overview to see how you're fairing. Just a general outlook, how are you eating and sleeping?"

She leaned back a bit further in her seat and tried to think. Sometimes the days went by so slowly that (Y/n) could keep track of every second of every day. But then other days blurred together in a whirlwind and she could barely tell one week from the next. Sometimes even the good days blurred by in a flash, but (Y/n) thought maybe that was a good thing. All the days were starting to get better so time was zooming by.

She wanted to be as far away from that miscarriage as possible and leave it in the past. She didn't want to forget, just distance herself from that event in her life.

"Sometimes I sleep a lot, but I'm sleeping fine, I don't wake up during the night. And I'm eating as usual, I don't eat breakfast, but that's normal."

(Y/n) had spent a little while in the hospital after the miscarriage, the doctor didn't want to discharge her without making sure that she wasn't at risk for self-harm and that she was in the right frame of mind to go home. She hadn't slept well during that first month. After that, (Y/n) seemed to sleep normal or sleep too much, but it wasn't really an issue.

Eating wasn't a problem either. Eddie had been swiftly relieved that he didn't have to worry about (Y/n) becoming ill by not eating enough or not feeling hungry or energetic.

"Good, so physical health everything is okay, no concerns?"

She shook her head. What kind of concerns could she have? (Y/n) hadn't exactly booked this appointment herself and it wasn't as if Eddie had booked it because he was worried about her. The doctor asked for this because they had to keep regular checks after the miscarriage to make sure (Y/n) was faring well both mentally and physically.

"How about your period, is that regular now?" It wasn't uncommon for periods to be scattered and irregular. It could take months for the pattern to get back to normal, (Y/n) had been advised about that.

She shook her head and looked down at her hands that were clasped together on her lap. "No, I barely get them."

It was hard to try and remember the last proper period she'd had. Obviously she hadn't had any when she was pregnant, and that meant five months without any. The miscarriage had been six months ago and since then, (Y/n) could only recollect two small periods that lasted about two days each, if that.

It was a relief not to have heavy periods or be bed-ridden with cramps or bad mood swings due to discomfort. But it was also unsettling to be apprehensive, waiting for something that wasn't happening. (Y/n) felt like it was a reminder. If she ever tried to ignore the fact that she'd miscarried, her body was happy to remind her by not giving her a period as if it was taunting her.

"Okay, and how are you feeling in yourself? Moods can affect periods."

"Better than before… a lot of headaches though, and I'm tired." The headaches were new and although the tiredness came and went, especially because of her moods, it was getting hard.

It didn't seem to matter how much sleep (Y/n) got, she was still starting to feel drained halfway through the day or she felt so tired that she didn't want to get out of bed.

"Let's take some bloods, you might be low on a few things."

Suddenly, (Y/n) wished Eddie hadn't been at work so he could of come along to this appointment. It skipped her mind that she might need to have bloods taken and she wasn't so good with needles.

She slipped off her jacket and laid her left arm on the desk, she knew the drill. Her head turned to the right and she ignored the rubber band around her arm, looking away towards the wall so she didn't have to think or look at the needle. It was a familiar discomfort to feel the needle in the crease of her elbow, and when (Y/n) opened her eyes, she was surprised to see that she wasn't going dizzy or blacking out.

Although the bloods did make her feel somewhat drained. Two little viles of blood felt like two full pints and (Y/n) moved her hands to run up and down her thighs to try and bring some feeling back in her hands and make herself feel better.

"All done. I'd like a urine sample as well if that's okay, just to double check there are no infections or kidney issues."

"Okay." That wasn't so bad. That was rather easy and (Y/n) could do the sample now so she didn't have to go home and come back again.

"Alright, if you do that sample for me, then I'll send them off. And as soon as the results come back, I'll give you a call." That was good; (Y/n) wanted to go home. She would rather be anywhere else other than a doctor's office right now.

"Thank you."

***

"Hi, is that (Y/n)? It's doctor Piper, I've got the results back from your blood and urine samples."

"Oh, right. Was it all okay?"

"I'd like you to come down to the office to discuss it, if that's okay."

(Y/n) closed her eyes and leaned her head to the right until her cheek was laid on Eddie's shoulder. She felt his hand rest on her thigh and his fingers gave her a light squeeze, making her lips curve into a small smile. She leaned into him a bit more and moved her arms to bind her hands around his arm that was draped over her chest to hold her thigh.

She could feel his lips pressing to the top of her head, meshing into her hair while his leg jittered up and down every now and then, nudging her knee each time.

The doctor's phone call had made her nervous. (Y/n) wasn't sure what to expect and she had asked Eddie if he would come to the appointment with her. Of course he didn't refuse.

She couldn't help but panic about what they wanted to talk to her about. What could the results say that couldn't be explained over the phone? Quite a few times, (Y/n) had talked over the phone about having low vitamins or needing a few tablets to be put on prescription.

Maybe she had an infection. Maybe the doctor had to talk to her about the antibiotics she would need if she did have an infection. Whatever it was, (Y/n) felt calmer if Eddie came along with her.

When her name was called, (Y/n) kept her hands deadlocked around Eddie's arm even when he stood up.

She stood up with him, binding his arm to her chest and pressing herself up into his side as he led the way down towards the doctor.

The doctor had a calming smile on her face which settled down the nerves igniting up in (Y/n)'s stomach. They headed into the familiar office and sat down in front of the desk and the moment they sat down, Eddie's hand found her thigh again.

He took to squeezing her thigh and rubbing his thumb across her skin to try and keep her calm. Hopefully, whatever this was about was nothing to worry about and Eddie didn't want (Y/n) worrying. The doctor hadn't asked to make an urgent appointment so it couldn't be anything dire or drastic.

"Afternoon (Y/n), thank you for coming in. Is this your husband?"

When (Y/n) nodded, the doctor smiled and leaned forward in her chair. She laid her arms down on the desk and looked over at the computer screen on her left so she could bring up (Y/n)'s file and the blood test results.

"As I said on the phone, I've had your results back. Now, I don't want you to worry or start to panic, but I had to ask you down to talk this through in person as we'll need to discuss and organise a few things."

That didn't sound great. That sounded more worrying than the doctor seemed to imply and (Y/n) felt Eddie bristle beside her as his brows furrowed in confusion. And he sat up straighter in his seat, moving his right hand to run up and down the arm rest to try and give himself something to focus on.

"Both the blood test and the urine samples have come up positive on the pregnancy tests."

She couldn't breathe.

All the air seemed to become sucked out of the room until (Y/n) was sat with her lungs deflating and shrivelling up in her chest. Her diaphragm pulled inwards until her muscles began to ache and her throat started to tense, rubbing her vocal cords together at the lack of air.

Little black and white spots danced in front of her eyes like stars and a horrible bell began to toll in her ears.

When Eddie's hand left her thigh, a shockwave rattled through (Y/n) and she suddenly felt like a tiny boat sailing away in the ocean with no anchor to stop her and nothing to guide her back to shore.

Her body leaned forwards out of instinct, but the moment Eddie's hand found her back and began to rub slow, soothing circles against her skin, she finally sucked in a deep breath that made her lungs ache. Her chest finally seemed to expand, but the spots continued to dance around her vision until she had no choice but to close her eyes.

She felt Eddie's other hand move to press against her lower chest, prompting her to take deep breaths while his lips pressed down against her shoulder.

Eddie was grateful the doctor didn't say anything. She didn't round the desk and try to coax (Y/n) into breathing exercises or try and move her or assess her when she was clearly going into a panic attack. Instead, she stayed silent behind her desk and let Eddie control the situation.

Both (Y/n)'s hands found their way to attach to Eddie's wrist that was against her chest and through blurring eyes, she managed to look over at him.

He looked perplexed.

He was torn between wanting to smile and celebrate and wanting to huddle down and let the tears fall. He wanted to be happy, but he didn't know how to do that without feeling like he was betraying himself and (Y/n) after what happened six months ago.

The first time they got this news, they had been in tears, holding one another and laughing excitedly that it had happened so quickly after they talked about starting a family. This was different. This didn't make either of them think about having a family; it made them think about the risk of doing this again and going through the same loss a second time around.

"Eddie…" (Y/n) wasn't quite sure what she was trying to ask him, but she tucked herself into him as quickly as she could.

She didn't care about the arm of the chair that dug uncomfortably into her hip as she leaned over until her upper body was resting on Eddie's lap. Her elbows dug down into his thighs and her face meshed into his chest while her hands clung to his arm that she pinned against her chest like she needed the limb to survive.

"It's okay, it's okay." He wasn't sure what else to say as he ran his hand up and down (Y/n)'s back and pressed his lips against the top of her head. He curled around her like a security blanket, holding her into his chest until he felt her start to breathe deeper into his chest and she stopped muttering and gasping his name.

(Y/n) kept hold of Eddie's arm as she meshed her cheek into his chest and tried to look over at the doctor.

She wanted to go home.

She didn't want to stay here any longer, she just wanted to go home and curl up into a ball and disappear. But if they left this appointment now, they would only have to make another one soon. And the doctor had said she wanted to talk about this, which told (Y/n) that this appointment wasn't quite over yet.

"I'd like to do an ultrasound, to see how far along you are. I think it would be wise to check now and then we can have a chat afterwards. If you drink these in the waiting room, and in about twenty minutes, I'll call you back for the scan. Okay?"

She found two bottles of water and placed them on the end of the desk. She didn't want (Y/n) to go home yet without talking through this or else she would be in shock. And it would be better to check how far along (Y/n) was so they could get a plan in place and make some more appointments. It was clear (Y/n) wasn't able to talk about this quite yet so a little while to calm down would do them both some good.

(Y/n) felt horrid walking on trembling legs as Eddie guided her down the hall towards the waiting room. She felt like she was moving on autopilot, shuffling towards the seats at the back of the open space, near the windows where they would be out of the way of the few other people sat waiting.

The moment she sat down, (Y/n) felt like melting into a puddle on the floor. Her arms coiled into her chest and her hands started to tremble as they knotted together on her lap.

Once Eddie set the water bottles down on the floor, he secured his left arm around her waist and gently reeled her back into his chest. Her head slumped onto his shoulder and Eddie pressed a soft, loving kiss to the top of her head.

"Amor?"

"I- I didn't know," She wasn't sure why she said that, it wasn't as if she had done anything wrong or as if having an inkling would have been a bad thing. But she didn't.

(Y/n) hadn't felt in tune with her body since the miscarriage and the thought of being pregnant again only six months after losing her baby made her shiver. She didn't want to lose another baby.

"I know. Here, try and drink this for me." Eddie leaned down and grabbed one of the water bottles and handed it over to her.

He leaned his cheek on top of her head while (Y/n) stayed leaning into his chest. There were no arm rests on the waiting room chairs so (Y/n) could lean close to Eddie until she was half lying on his lap, not that he minded at all. If anything, he tugged her closer and curled around her.

He was rather surprised that (Y/n) gulped down half the water in one go and he began gliding his hand up and down her waist, praying she wouldn't throw it all back up. That wouldn't do her any good and they couldn't have the scan unless her bladder was full.

(Y/n) finished the water in record time and reached down for the second one, but she began tapping it against her thigh for a few seconds rather than drinking it.

She felt Eddie hum into her hair, quietly checking if she was okay, and he felt his heart jumping up into his throat when he watched (Y/n). He watched her tilt her head down and move her hand to press her palm over her stomach like she didn't truly believe there might be a baby there.

"I have to keep this one safe."

Her words shattered something inside Eddie and he stayed unnaturally still and silent, letting her words sink in and burn through his heart like poison.

He didn't want her to think like that. He didn't want (Y/n) to think she had done something wrong last time, that she had somehow caused the miscarriage or that it had been her failing. She hadn't done anything wrong, and he prayed if she really was pregnant again, that the same fate wouldn't occur twice.

Silence befell them while (Y/n) downed the second bottle and burrowed into Eddie's chest until it felt like she was trying to submerge herself into his ribcage.

"(Y/n)." Doctor Piper stood in the hall and waved over towards them, beckoning the pair of them back over to her.

(Y/n) felt a bit more settled this time and alive on her feet when she got up. She cocooned both arms around her waist, feeling Eddie's hand on her lower back as they went down a different corridor towards the ultrasound rooms.

"If you'll take a seat for me and lift up your shirt." She pointed towards the bed in the middle of the room while she herself took a seat at the sonogram machine.

Turning to the right, (Y/n) looked up at Eddie and when she gingerly reached out for his hand and his expression softened. He entwined their hands and moved round to stand beside her as she laid on the bed and rolled up her shirt. She tugged down the hem of her leggings so her abdomen was on display; they had done this before, after all.

The uncomfortable feeling and the pressure was strangely familiar but (Y/n) tried to ignore the feeling as she looked at the screen. Part of her didn't want to see anything come up on the screen. She wanted it to stay blank, so there wasn't a second chance of heartbreak.

They hadn't talked about this.

Another baby so soon after the miscarriage hadn't been planned or prepared and (Y/n) didn't know if she would survive if anything happened to this baby- if she was truly pregnant.

But all she'd ever wanted was a family, and when she married Eddie, (Y/n) had thought about having his baby thousands of times. It was the only thing she wanted and that need intensified after she lost the baby. All she thought about was how she lost their baby and how they had been so close. (Y/n) wanted to have a baby in her arms, she wanted to be a proper wife and give Eddie children.

"Is- is that…" Eddie could feel his nerves going haywire as he leant his right arm over the back of the bed (Y/n) was laid on. He leaned over her, feeling her hand tighten in his other hand as he tried to get a better look at the screen and his eyes fell to the doctor who shared his apprehension.

"(Y/n), I know this is a shock, and I don't want to unsettle you any further, but-"

"What's wrong?" (Y/n)'s fingers clenched around Eddie's hand so tightly she cut off his circulation and made his arm jerk.

Oh God, what had she done? Had something gone wrong already? Had she lost a second baby, without even knowing she was pregnant in the first place?

Eddie's name tore past her lips as she leaned forward to try and squint at the screen to find out what he and the doctor were so concerned about. But she felt Eddie leaning to nudge her back down on the bed, not wanting her to get upset or panicked.

"You're expecting twins." The look on (Y/n)'s face must have shown that she didn't believe it because the doctor started to point at the screen. "Here we have baby A, and then here is baby B over here."

Two babies.

Two chances of losing another baby.

But what if this wasn't going to work out the same as last time? What if this was two chances at finally having a baby with Eddie, of making him a dad again and doing what she wanted to do. Be a proper wife and mother, have a baby this time instead of losing them. And this time she could have two babies. She could have two newborns to care for, as if her body was making up for the mistake that happened last time.

Surprise flooded Eddie's eyes when he looked down and found a small but nevertheless enchanting smile on (Y/n)'s lips. While her head was inclined and her eyes were focused on the screen.

"You seem to be around twelve weeks, babies are sharing one placenta which makes them identical. All looks good so far."

Once the sonogram was finally removed from her stomach, (Y/n) cleaned away the gel and pulled her shirt down while the doctor printed a few copies off for them.

She felt Eddie's hand on her back as she sat up straight and swung her legs over the side of the bed so she was sitting up properly, facing the doctor. All this news was swirling around in her head, making her extremely dizzy, but she knew it would all sink in soon. She hoped.

"Okay, I'll make a note on your file and put a referral through for antenatal care, you'll need a few extra appointments and scans from now on. And we can discuss getting a plan in motion for a planned, induced birth-"

"No- no." (Y/n) began to shake her head and before she really knew what she was doing, her hands moved to the edge of the bed and she pushed herself onto unsteady feet.

That was more than enough for today. She wasn't going to listen or discuss anymore of this, not now. It was far too early to be talking about any of that and (Y/n) wasn't going to listen when all it would do would serve to panic her. She wanted to go home. She wanted Eddie to take her home and wrap her up in his embrace and calm her down before she became too overwhelmed by it all.

"Baby-"

"No, I'm not- I'm not jinxing this- I might not get that far. I wanna go home."

She wasn't making plans and talking about the future when they were so early on. She wasn't taking that risk of jinxing this chance. If they talked about giving birth and sorting plans, then (Y/n) would probably lose them. She didn't want to tempt fate into repeating history.

(Y/n) was already stumbling towards the door before Eddie hurried to try and catch her up. He barely heard the doctor muttering that she would make the necessary referrals. Eddie knew they would call in a few days when they wanted to make the next appointment and it would be alright then. (Y/n) would have had the time for the news to sink in by then.

He hurried into the hall to catch up with (Y/n) and when he reached her, his arms cocooned around her waist to prevent her from running away in a panic. He reeled her into his chest and tucked his face into the crook of her neck while he leaned against the wall, keeping her here in the secluded corridor with him so they could calm down and talk without people watching.

"I- I can't…" (Y/n) wasn't sure what she was trying to say, but she closed her eyes and tilted her head down when her thoughts started to cloud her head.

She reached a trembling hand down to grasp Eddie's wrist and shakily moved his arm until his palm was pressing down on her abdomen. She felt the sharp breath he took and the way he pierced his teeth into her neck at the thought of having another baby- another two babies.

"S'okay, one day at a time, hm?"

***

Apprehension flooded Eddie's stomach and he paused in his tracks down the hall when he realised one of the bedroom doors was ajar. Specifically, the spare room.

He could feel his heart rocketing in his chest and causing his stomach to tighten like he was about to be sick.

He changed course and aimed for the spare room rather than their shared bedroom and hovered on the threshold, peering silently into the room. The spare room was more of a study. There were books lined on the shelves, some of Chris's old games tucked away in the cabinet, a computer Eddie and (Y/n) sometimes used for work and emails and such.

It was a nicnack room that collected spare things they didn't always use. And as of last year, it had collected items they had been getting ready for the baby. They had been just a few short weeks away from turning the study into a nursery.

Part of Eddie had been relieved they didn't get that far. He didn't know what he would of done if that room had been fully or even partially decorated when (Y/n) had the miscarriage. He would of probably locked the door and forbid anyone from going in there.

The cot was still flat-packed in the corner of the room in its box. A bag of clothes, blankets and a few odd bits they had bought was on top of the cabinet behind the door. Some odd teddies and bottles and items they had bought in advance were bagged in here somewhere.

Eddie barely came into the study unless he was tossing something in here to be forgotten about or searching for a particular game Chris wanted to play. And he knew (Y/n) didn't come in here often. Too many reminders.

His heartstrings yanked and stretched uncomfortably in his chest when he peered into the room and looked over at his wife.

With a deep breath, Eddie gently nudged the door open and headed into the room.

(Y/n) was knelt down on the carpet in the middle of the room, clearly lost in thought with whatever was laid out in front of her on the floor.

"What're you up to?" Eddie's voice was gentle and quiet and his head tilted to one side as he padded across and crouched down behind her. His hands found her hips and he settled on his knees, curving his chest around her back while his arms wove from her hips to lock around her middle.

His chin perched on her shoulder and his arms squeezed lovingly into her sides as he peered over to see what she was doing.

There was a bag in front of her. The bag that contained the clothes and onesies and blankets they had bought months ago for their first baby. She had a soft, knitted cream blanket in her hands with a teddybear stitched into the bottom corner. Her fingers were methodically rubbing over the material, creasing it between her hands like she was stuck in some kind of trance.

"Just looking through some stuff."

(Y/n)'s voice was oddly quiet and she couldn't bring herself to look away from the blanket in her hands.

She remembered Eddie's mum telling her a while ago that she still had some of Chris's things from when he was a baby. Shannon had left it at Eddie's parents house and they had kept most of the stuff as keepsakes. His mum, Helena, was going to bring some of the things down when they had planned to visit before the baby was born.

Of course, after the miscarriage, they had visited, but bringing Chris's baby things had been scrapped completely. They might have a reason to bring them down if they came to visit soon.

"And what're you thinking?"

When he didn't receive an answer, Eddie carefully unravelled one arm from around (Y/n)'s waist so he could press his fingertips beneath her chin. He tilted her head back and leaned closer until his nose nudged hers and his lips were hovering over hers.

(Y/n) was the one who inched closer and connected their lips, and she loved the way Eddie's fingers tickled her neck as he dragged his hand around to cradle the side of her neck.

"We'll need another cot." (Y/n) wasn't sure if she was trying to make a joke or if she was just listing off one of the many things circulating through her head at the moment.

She wasn't sure how long she had been in here, or why she came into the spare room in the first place. But once she caught sight of the bag, she couldn't help herself. She had to take a peek and look through the things she had forgotten about. (Y/n) forgot they had bought a few blankets, she thought it had only been some clothing and essentials like bottles and the cot. Everything had been bought in vain, of course. They got ahead of themselves.

They wouldn't be doing that again. (Y/n) wouldn't get anything or let her excitement get the better of her until she got these twins past a safe mark. Where she would be out of the time frame for a miscarriage, then she would let herself try and think ahead.

She felt the way Eddie's lips curved into a grin and his hand shifted back up to cup the side of her face where he could trace his fingertips along her cheek.

"I think we need to book that antenatal appointment, before we think about all the stuff we're gonna need. Don't you?"

Eddie was glad and somewhat relieved to see (Y/n) wasn't submerged in panic, expecting this to go wrong. He wanted them both to spend the next few months trying to enjoy this process and work through it, not live in haste and anxiety expecting something to go wrong.

"You'll come with me?" It was a request more than a statement because (Y/n) didn't think she could do it alone. She didn't want to be overwhelmed with everything the midwife was going to speel off to her and go through. At least having Eddie there would calm her down and he might be in more of a position to take in all the information better than (Y/n).

"You know I will." He stole another kiss from her lips before (Y/n) leaned her cheek on his shoulder and twisted around in his arms a little.

She kept her arms pinned into her waist and her hands lost in the blanket on her lap, but she tried to tuck herself more into Eddie's chest. She loved the way his lips merged with her temple and he began to smooth one hand up and down her stomach. Testing the waters, seeing if the touch was okay or not, and he continued when (Y/n) didn't object.

"There's things we can do, you know." He murmured against the top of her head, almost as if he was talking to himself.

"Hm?"

"To make sure things go differently this time. You get more appointments with twins, and exams. They'll keep checking the baby's positions, and we can get a safe date."

Eddie knew that whether they were having twins this time or not, (Y/n) would of been entitled to extra check-ups because she'd miscarried before. It would put (Y/n)'s mind at ease as well as make sure the midwives didn't miss anything and were reassured it wouldn't happen again.

At least with twins, (Y/n) got those extra check ups anyway and they would keep a closer eye on her. And she wouldn't feel like it was because she had miscarried before or that she was at risk of 'failing again'.

"Safe date?" (Y/n) pressed a kiss to the side of Eddie's neck, feeling the way he swallowed and craned his head back like he was gathering his thoughts.

"You don't usually reach full-term with twins or triplets. The doctor will pick us a date, a few weeks before your actual due date, and induce labour. It reduces the risks for you all."

The thought of a planned labour was very calming to Eddie. It meant no waiting around, walking on egg shells for labour to happen. No panicking that something would go wrong or that (Y/n) would go into labour and they might struggle to get her to the hospital on time.

Reaching full term with a multiple pregnancy was highly unlikely and it was risky. It was safer to have the baby up to five or six weeks before the due date.

They could go to the hospital on their scheduled day, have labour actively induced and then have their babies on a schedule. It meant Eddie would certainly be by (Y/n)'s side from the very beginning, he could put in his leave at work. There would be no risk of him being stuck on shift while (Y/n) was in labour and she wouldn't have to panic.

"As long as I reach that date. I'll do anything they say." (Y/n) tilted her head down, tucking her cheek into Eddie's chest as she snuggled into him like she was about to go to sleep.

She would do whatever the doctor and midwife told her to. She would have a planned birth. She would go on bed rest if they told her, she would take vitamins and be careful. (Y/n) would do anything if it meant that she would actually reach their planned date and have their babies safely.

She didn't want to lose anymore babies.

She felt Eddie's arm tighten around her waist while his other hand cupped her neck, cradling her into his chest while his lips merged with the top of her head. He began to sway them from side to side, humming into her hair every now and then.

"It'll be different this time, amor. I just know it."

#911 imagine #imagine #eddie diaz x reader #pregnant! reader #eddie diaz imagine #eddie x reader #eddie diaz #I failed

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