#i just want some fucking help but nobody can help me im too broken

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

Tw for everytjing

[boysbeware2]

all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)

please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read

disposable girl (jordyn)

(old)

i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL

(new)

man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we’re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..

irreverent girl (kairi)

(old)

I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.

(new)

When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents

splitter girl (tahira)

(old)

theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe

(new)

getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…… its the little things~ ^^

fainéant girl (freyja)

(old)

i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make

(new)

my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me

caliber girl (nora)

(old)

唉～It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…

(new)

My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml

chocolate box girl (morgan)

(old)

i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this

(new)

girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!

taxidermy girl (mayra)

(old)

I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over

(new)

Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on

chemical girl (joy)

(old)

LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right

(new)

i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon

refraction girl (nataana)

(old)

i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better

(new)

talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that

nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)

(old)

I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.

(new)

I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!

[madi-writes-things]

Nobody Pt. 2

(C.Sturniolo X Reader)

Summary:

Chris and Y/N never seemed to get along, but sometimes help comes from the most unexpected places

Word Count: 577

TW: Cursing, SH (not in detail, but it is talked about), Blood, Violence, Hurt Comfort, Panic Attack, Crying, Nightmare, Not Edited

A/N: I hope the time jump isn’t too confusing, I figured y'all probably didn't want to read five paragraphs about her crying in her bed for hours.

-Madi <3

“”“”“”“”“”

As Nick stormed upstairs, I ran to Chris’s side. “Oh my god.. I’m so sorry, this is all my fault.” He looked disoriented, but he quickly shut down my apologies. Chris pushed me away, telling me to go find Nick. Once I made sure that Matt was staying with Chris, I ran upstairs banging on Nick’s locked door.

“Go away Y/N!” This can’t happen, I can’t lose Nick… I keep knocking, pleading with him to let me in. After what felt like an eternity the door swung open. My best friend stood in front of me, his face red and covered in tear tracks.

“How long Y/N?” I couldn’t even think of a response before he continued. “I know that you’re a virgin… so you either let my brother lie and say that y’all slept together for some reason, or you have been hiding a relationship behind my back!” The realization finally clicks… shit.

“Im so sorry…”

Think quick Y/N.

“We never meant to hide it for this long.”

Why can’t I just tell him the truth? Everyone would be happier if I did… but I can’t stand the thought of Nick looking at me like I’m some broken doll, fragile and lonely.

The door slams shut in my face, making me jump.

I can’t breathe.

“”“”“”“”“”

I barely hear my door creak open, not registering that someone entered until Chris is sitting in front of me. I don’t even know how long I’ve been curled up in my bed crying, but Chris seems to be patched up. A bruise has blossomed across his cheek, with a small cut in the center of the purple.

His hand reaches out to wipe a tear from my cheek. “I’m so sorry, I never meant to make things bad between you and Nick” He stared practically into my soul. “I just panicked, and I promised you that I wouldn’t tell… I can tell him the truth if you wa-”

I cut him off before he can continue. “I told him we had been secretly dating for a while…” he just stared at me. “He’ll get over it…I think, but I can’t stand it when he looks at me like I’m broken.”

Chris looks like he’s thinking for a second before he finally chooses to speak. “Ok… I’m staying in here tonight.” He responds before I have a chance to object. “I’ll sleep on the floor, but I'm sure as hell not leaving you alone right now."

With that, I rolled over and went to sleep.

“”“”“”“”“”

“You’re fucking pathetic!” Nick screamed in my face. “I can’t believe you thought me and my brothers liked you… we only tolerate you, because we don’t want to take the blame if you kill yourself.”

No.

“Maybe you should…”

Stop

“Everyone would be happier if you would just kill yourself”

STOPSTOPSTOPSTOP

STOP

I shoot up out of my bed.

I can’t breathe… I need some sort of relief.

I get up out of my bed, careful not to disturb Chris on the floor. I know I should wake someone up, but I don't want to bother anybody.

As I reach for the doorknob I feel arms wrap around my torso, holding my hands back from the door. I melt into Chris’s arms, slowly falling to the ground.

After a little while he picked me up, placing me gently in my bed. He climbed in next to me, and held me until we both fell asleep.

“”“”“”“”“”

@unbruisable

[karoochui]

I just wanted to say I am so enamoured with Binary Insurgence! I eat up everything, every little crumb, you drop about it and the entire idea is so interesting to me! I'm so in love with stories and worlds like this! I'm also curious to know about the relationship between Sun and Moon, if it's alright to ask. How was it before the fire compared to after? Does their relationship begin to mend (because I'm certain over the years it deteriorated) when y/n comes back into the picture? If any of this is too spoilery or you just haven't fleshed it out yet then you don't have to answer! I'm just super curious about the boys and how you see their dynamic/relationship. I just look forward to seeing how their bond has grown and/or broken and how it may be mended over time.

AHH im glad you like it so much!! Im happy to talk about what i've got, but you are right not everything is fully fleshed out. I have points i wanna get to but while im brainstorming and planning i make up a lot of stuff as i go and then go over it again later to see if i like it or can connect stuff in any way. I have 3 chapters for Arc 1 fully summarized as of now! (Which probably doesn't seem like a lot but i like my chapters long, so it's quite a bit actually).

I wanna say, too, that i'm planning for the first story to be more in the perspective of the reader, so most things about Sun and Moon's personal thoughts and feelings are gonna be more implied than said. I might have some switching points of view, i'm not sure, but i haven't found a place i'd do it or think it's relevant. The sequel is gonna be more from their perspective since it'll mostly be about them.

NOW! I see Sun and Moon as brothers, so they really treat each other in a way that's like that. Before the fire they get along pretty well. Most instances of issue would be when Moon blocks out Sun when he fronts, or just mutual panic over the fact Moon lost his shit w/ the virus. They'll have their disagreements about things (i havent planned specifics yet) but generally they're chill. Sun just worries about Moon hurting people, but Moon worries too. With the way the virus functions in this AU it's hard for Sun to fully fault Moon for what he does, especially because he's also affected by it but not nearly as bad. (I'm gonna explain this more in another ask i have).

Plus, even before the virus they were always glitch/bug-ridden because technicians fucked up their programming continuously after removing them from the theater to work in the daycare. So they had to kinda navigate through that together, glitches and errors on both ends (though not deadly). They hate P&S bc of this, obviously. Hardware fixes suck but they fucking HATE software examinations.

Later on though some issues come into play whenever Sun starts getting worse by being further exposed to the virus (it gets worse for him when they eclipse) because it presents itself in Sun differently than it does Moon. He gets snappier and angrier at times (that comic i made that's captioned "well someones snappy") and while they both understand he doesnt mean the shit he does it's still not great. And nobody's gonna just let themselves be talked to like a dog even if the reason it's happening is because of something the other person can't really help. They're still relatively fine at this point, though.

It's at the end when shit goes really bad, because this part of the story does end badly. I won't spoil specifics but after the fire Sun loses his shit. He starts trying to put the blame on Moon for everything (the virus enhancing his already bad habits/fucking with his line of thinking) out of grief and anger. That carries over into the apocalypse and he just gets worse in general. He gets irrational.

It's a long period of time though, so he eventually also manages it, in his own way. But! I did say before in an ask that in the sequel he's "not evil, persay, but he's a fucking nut". He damns Moon to an hourglass to just fucking get rid of him about 100~ years before they meet you again (he fully thinks he's in the right for this (and he also just hates him) and the only reason he really even stayed around after that was to make sure Moon didn't get out again). He's not a bad-intentioned individual, but he's off the fucking wall at many times bc of the virus having made him worse. He's stubborn as all hell to an infuriating degree, he's irrational, hard-headed, reckless, and while a good bit of his old, kinder self is still pretty prevalent he can be downright fucking mean if provoked. Again, worse than before, and it doesn't take much these days! I always imagined him to have more dramatic, snappy, diva aspects to his personality (even before Help Wanted 2 came out) bc hes so theatrical and intense, so basically take a Sun that's like that, crank it up to 100 and put him in a Bad Situation. That's what Round 2 Sun is like at his worst. He's not a complete lost cause though, and he's far from dumb when he does stuff, just clouded by his own judgement. He doesn't think anything's wrong with him (or does he?).

Moon doesn't really hate him like Sun hates Moon, because although he knows that what happened (the ending of the first story) is technically both of their faults he just feels guilt. They do fight a lot, though. Most of it is Moon trying his best to tell Sun that he's basically full of shit and not seeing things right after Sun starts something, but Sun's at the point where he's gotta learn by consequence. Part of the reason he's so bad is bc 1: hes been infected by the virus for so long now and 2: in his grief, anger, and resentment he's learned to live with it rather than fighting it.

But the sequel is gonna be a feel-good story! Falling in love w/ the reader all over again, i want things to get cleared up - or at least some kind of middle ground between Sun and Moon - the whole sha-bang.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - February 6

24 anon, outlet anon, spoon anon, 8 years anon (new), lawyer anon (new), guess anon

24 anon

hi cas, its 24 anon again. its been a while so i dont know if you remember lol. my friend had her baby and i still haven't met him (mostly bc ive been horrifically sick since before she even had him so im not about to give them whatever germs i have lol). i kind of feel like im at my breaking point lately. ive not cut her off entirely, but i have distracted from my friend a bit because i went into her having a baby trying to think 'this is a major thing and she's going to be down and out for a while so she obviously wont be trying to make plans' but apparently i was wrong bc im seeing posts on facebook and snapchat of her going out and doing things and having get togethers with her other friends and im just. i dont even hear about these plans let alone get invited to anything ever. i dont want to sound entitled to her time and effort but am i really her 'best friend' if she never wants to hang out or talk to me unless i initiate and plan? if she never tells me a single thing about her life and im always the last to know? if ive talked to her about this time and time again without any change whatsoever? im tired of talking to her about this because i know it wont change anything. my best friend had a baby and i wont ever actually get to know him. my heart is genuinely broken. i dont have any other friends to talk to. literally. at this point in my life i have lost every single friend ive ever had except for her but apparently ive never really had her to begin with. im so tired of being fucking lonely but i dont know ehat to do anymore. ive never been able to make or keep friends and i feel like im going fucking crazy. what is it thats so wrong with me that makes me consistently not worth peoples effort to keep around? i feel like im victimizing myself right now but i genuinely feel like i try SO HARD to maintain friendships - talking to them, trying to make plans, etc. etc. and that just never gets returned back to me. im tired of pretending im fine with that. im just fucking tired. i havent been able to talk to my therapist in months and ive only had myself for company for YEARS. i cant fo this anymore cas

Hi <3

Honestly I can relate to this SO much. I have a friend who I was very close to who had a baby a few years back and it's definitely changed our dynamic. Imo, the problem is now, we have different priorities. And that's not WRONG, it's just how it is, so it's changing how we interact.

I don't think my friend hates me and I don't think your friend hates you either. It's just one of those things where like...people get hurt but nobody means to hurt anyone. And it's very hard not to take things personally but it probably isn't as personal as it feels.

I know none of this makes you feel any better, but I just want you to know I'm going through the same thing and I understand. If you ever want to talk about it, please feel free to DM me- I'd love to have someone to talk about it with too <3

______________________

Outlet anon

Hey Cas, outlet anon here. I need help.

So I'm staying with my mother for a few weeks while my place gets some work done, and that means I'm in the same house as Al, which is fine and whatever. I don't acknowledge him, he doesn't acknowledge me. It's a mutual understanding and has been for years. Or so I thought???? He addressed me BY NAME for the first time since I was THIRTEEN to ask me to move my laundry, and he didn't yell at me when I ignored him the first two times. We haven't even spoken since I was thirteen. He's also been talking at me and saying things for my benefit. Like last night, Al and my mother were watching robot fighting with my siblings and I went down to see what was going on because I heard them yelling. Al saw me and told my mother to rewind the TV so I could see the whole fight. I didn't express any interest in the show nor ask anyone to rewind it. He just... did it??? I don't know what's going on or what he thinks is going on. I'm going to keep right on ignoring him and pretending like he doesn't exist, but like thoughts? What should I do? What do you think is going on????? Help??????????

Honestly, it's great that Al seems to be trying to be nicer, but I'd be a bit weary. Like don't be rude to him about it or shit on him for being nice, but you don't suddenly need to be nice because he is. You're allowed to to take some time to build trust (if you even want to). The way he's treated you in the past doesn't warrant instant forgiveness (unless you want to, of course), so just go with what feels good to you and don't feel guilty for however much time you need. And if he ends up getting pissed about it...well, then he didn't really change in the first place.

_________________

Spoon Anon

hi cas it's spoon anon

well i've been looking at self diagnosis tests like yk those online quizzes you have. some say i have a lot of symptoms of autism and others say that i have low-medium autism so idk atp. according to the oxford cbt self assessment quizzes, i have medium-high anxiety and depression and low-medium autism and adhd.

and i've been thinking if i should maybe actually go to a psychiatrist and see if my suspicions are correct. but then there's the part where i need to convince my mom. there's a major school event happening until the end of february so maybe i'll ask her if we can go sometime in march? several of my friends have actually seen psychiatrists and i'll just say that i want to just check once if there's anything that i might be diagnosed with.

i'm going to go out on a limb here and ask if you think i have autism or not from what i've told you. adhd there's a pretty low chance of me actually having that i don't really show any symptoms except getting distracted easily. depression and anxiety, if i'm going to be honest, maybe. idk my country's culture has given me a skewed view of what will actually fall under a mental health problem.

Hi! I think asking your mom is a great idea. It sounds like it's really important to you to know for sure, so I think you absolutely should.

As far as what I think...I'm sorry hon but I'm not a professional and I don't know you very well. But like I said I think it sounds super important to you to know for sure, so you should def ask to get evaluated.

___________________

8 years anon

This actually takes so much courage to type this out but I feel like this is the right place to say it and plus I don't really know where else to say it.

So sometimes my bestfriend (of 8 years) really just ticks me off in a really nasty way. Like I feel awful every single time I feel this way but sometimes he just does stuff that like I don't know if he does it intentionally or not or if I'm just overreacting but sometimes he like takes things I consider "mine" ?? If that's an okay way to put it? I feel like there's just some things that he just starts to develop stuff from me and don't get me wrong, obviously friends are gonna develop things from each other (especially of 8 years) but I feel like I've only really noticed it within the last year or so.

For example I'll mention that I like a music artist very very briefly and like the next time I see him he's totally engrossed himself into that person's music and is saying "oh _ is my favorite song from them!" When like 3 days ago he didn't even know who they were.

Or on a game that we both play theres like 60-70 characters and there's 2 people that I constantly play and he wanted to try out new people which is fine but then he chooses one of the two I play??? And buys a skin for them within like 2 minutes of playing them??

And like there's a certain way I dress and he mentioned wanted to get more into like some things I'm into like okay that's fine and then he becomes more obsessed with it than me?? I don't even know anymore my girlfriends both agree with me and understand what I'm saying cause sometimes he does the same thing to them? This feels like a lot and it feels kinda childish when I type it all out but I'm genuinely lost and you seemed like the best person I could go to.

lots of love cas ❤️❤️

Hi!

I can definitely understand how you feel, but I think this is something to talk to your friend about. I think you need to figure out why it bothers you so much and why he seems to be so drawn to everything you do. Does he just admire you? Is it coincidence? Does he have low confidence?

And I think talking to him about it is important because this type of thing can lead to resentment, you know? So saying something like "I've noticed you tend to like a lot of the same things I do, right after I mention them. Is there something you like that you can share with me, too? I feel like we only ever talk about my likes?" might help to gently call him out without causing a fight.

__________________

lawyer anon

Hey Cas, I hope you're doing well!

I love all your microfics😭they're so well written.

Sometimes I'll be reading a random microfics that popped and I'll think "this is really good!" so I go and check the user and its usually your stuff <3

For context, I'm 2 months away from 15 and a girl.

I was talking to my dad and complaining about school and joking that when I was fifteen I am legally allowed to drop out. I do this a lot.

My dad was joking and saying I've got to stay in school so I can become a lawyer and earn lots of money.

I told him the usual stuff like I don't want to be a lawyer and why would I.

He then proceeded to straight up tell me I was ridiculous and I was really confused and I asked him why.

Apparently I was _overreacting_ to the joke he told, which I had answered non seriously.

It just seemed like he was treating me like a much younger child and it honestly seemed kinda sexist.

This is not the first time stuff like this has happened. I recently went on a trip to my mum's side of the family and it was really nice talking to them because they actually seemed interested in my life and didn't just ask me, "How is school."

I know my dad loves me and this is a minor issue and some people have it much worse but it just really bothers me.

Honestly I feel like you're at the age where some people start seeing you as a person becoming an adult while others see you as a child. And that's a hard age because you want to be treated more like an adult, and it feels frustrating when that doesn't happen. People don't see you're starting to think about more mature things and you're thinking about the real world. It sounds like your dad might still think of you as a complete child. Is he the type of person that might respond well if you say "Hey, I'd like to have a serious conversation about this. I care about this topic and I want to talk about it seriously"?

________________________

Guess anon

Hi Cas

Guess Anon again

He keeps messaging me and asking how college is and asking if i need any more books (i told him no)

I have a careers meeting tomorrow and if i get anything good from that then i may tell him and tell him my next steps (but only if im feeling brave)

Ill keep you updated!!

Honestly that's such a good idea. Having a plan is a great way to like...deliver unwanted news in a much gentler way. Please keep me updated!!

[itsthatoneguy]

done with the cod fandom

im done, it’s not even the amount of gay ships or smut that’s everywhere it’s the fact that you people are too fucking horny to research any character and have them be realistic, no these are war criminals who will commit crimes to get missions done, nobody in call of duty is “good” so you’re gonna have to accept the fact that you are simping for a bad man and not a “ 💅 bad man 💅 “

im also really mad cause nobody will acknowledge gaz and replaces him with konig or Alejandro

just include gaz with konig and Alejandro at least but no gaz is underrated and he’s in task force 141

roach died after stepping on a land mine, surviving, getting shot in the abdomen by Shepard, surviving, then lit on fire while alive. He is a roach, and nobody will acknowledge him, it’s so hard to even find someone who will write about him for me while also avoiding you horny people.

if you like KorTac guys (only konig cause he’s an UwU brOkeN AnxiOuS trEmBlinG fEmbOy) then ermmmm 🤓 👆 fucking nikto, that man has DID, survived torture and wears a mask because his face is so goddamn ripped up and you people wouldn’t have a single idea who he is.

mace, this guy if you want your goddamn gay representation or black representation, mace is right there!! Actually less sarcasm on this one, mace is a good character not morally, but. He has scarification to honer his heritage and doesn’t wear sleeved shirts to show that, if you like ghosts design, then you can like him too! He’s got a metal skull mask and used to work with ghost and decided to take on a feature from him, this will come back in a bit.

there’s legit some actual cool background characters.

from another post which I found really refreshing: the military isn’t really the best for lgbtq people, so I haven’t played the game but from my knowledge the jackals and Alejandro’s group are not official (most likely are I think) so they would as they are be the most lgbtq friendly which still, this is a fandom designed for squeaker alpha male kinda guys.

about ghostsoap: it’s a fine ship but y’all need to work on the fact that soap and ghost are like siblings, along with the fact, ghost acts like a caring older sibling, as he had refused to go back to the military until he had helped his own brother with his addiction and threw out his abusive dad (based ghost) and returned when his family was fixed again, as well as allowing mace to use a skull mask like his own, as well as soap saying “I wanna be like you when I grow up” to him, I can’t find if it’s actually there, but you can tell clearly, ghost is like an older brother to a lot of people and it gives odd feelings when you see a brother figure being shipped with someone who acts like a sibling to him.

in general: calling them Babygirls is funny, but it’s actually really gross when you take it serious and make them into trembling femboys

Serious when I say I’ve felt actually psychically disgusted at so many people here

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi,

is it possible to orgasm just from your hands/fingers? every time i try it doesn’t feel like anything.. as if im trying to tickle myself. i don’t want to get a vibrator ‘cause im scared ill become reliant on it :( sometimes i feel bad cause people my age are making themselves finish. i think im broken. any tips will help.. thank u

hi anon,

in my heart of hearts I have to assume you already know the answer to the first question. humans have been jacking it for longer than we've even been humans, because even monkey brains know that touch genital feel good. there's evidence to suggest that human fetuses may begin touching their genitals for fun in utero, and tons of animals also masturbate - even these cute little guys!

and you know his rodent ass doesn't have a vibrator.

all of which is to say that the urge to crank it is a powerful and ancient one, and I simply can't believe that you believe that nobody was actually managing to nut until the vibrator was invented in the late 19th century (although that was, admittedly, hardly the first sex toy; there are dildos that are thousands of years old that can attest to that). I suspect the question really bothering you here isn't whether a hands-only orgasm is possible (obviously yes), but whether there's something wrong with you for not having been able to achieve such a thing.

the answer to that is obviously no; I can happily confirm right off the bat that you're not broken on the basis of your sexual function because that's not how that works. there's no singular mode of human sexuality that's the "normal" one that people should be afraid to stray too far away from; what's "normal" varies from person to person, frequently from day to day. what matters isn't being like other people, it's ensuring that you feel safe and comfortable in your own specific relationship with sex.

it seems that you're not at the moment, because of this orgasm insecurity, so I want to talk about that. first off: if your hands aren't cutting it, why not get a vibrator? you say you're scared of becoming reliant on it, but what's the alternative? never coming ever? bullshit. my brain chemistry doesn't naturally balance itself out very well, so I'm reliant on lexapro to be a functional fucking person. that shit's great. being reliant on things that categorically and harmlessly improves your quality of life rules, everybody should do it.

listen, man. everyone has different sexual needs. for some people, it's the intensity and consistency that can only be provided by a battery-powered assistant. I cannot tell you how many people have come to me expressing despair that they can't finish with a partner without also using a sex toy, as if that's not a totally fine thing to need or want. just use a vibrator it's literally fine it does not matter. we're all living on a melting rock ruled by capitalism, just use a vibrator if you want to and if your partner has a problem with it find a better partner.

also. hey. look at me. listen to me. an orgasm does not need to be the single defining factor of whether you're having a good and healthy sexual experience. go read this. I know you're not orgasming when you masturbate, but are you, like, enjoying yourself? does it feel good? because that's really the only thing that matters, and I want you to keep that in mind no matter what you decide to do next in your sexual journey. the point is to have fun, not to reliably produce an orgasm like clockwork.

anyway. you're not broken. get a vibrator if you want; I recommend this one for beginners. stop comparing yourself to others and be kind to yourself.

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

i try to respect other beliefs, i really do, but i want to voice some thoughts on the concept of an afterlife. from my perspective it looks obvious there’s nothing after death. all sorts of fiction has been made to ease minds or explain the unexplained: changelings, vampires, etc. but then society advanced, and science advanced, and people realised that was all bullshit once they got scientific answers to what’s really happening. most people these days have accepted a lot of scientific discoveries, even most modern christians believe in a round earth and dont believe in anything like vampires, except maybe demons and angels. and the answers science gave about phenomenon were usually so much simpler than the fiction written to explain said phenomenon.

an afterlife is one such fiction. isn’t it obvious? if it were true surely science would’ve found some slither of evidence at this point. the tales only exist to put minds at ease once humans were advanced enough to realise they would die, it’s a coping mechanism. same with the heaven and hell thing, are bad things happening to good people and good things happening to bad people? well no worries, it’ll all be fixed in the afterlife.

but it’s madness. to think you’re so special that the universe will make room to store you after death, there’s been quadrillions of human lives, and an unquantifiable number of lives of all sorts of other species, a number so big it looks infinite from a certain angle, and let me get this straight, you think the universe will make a special little space for all of those lives in some afterlife? dude, if the universe wanted you around forever you’d simply live forever. no, you will end to make room for more lives, lives which will also end.

and it feels kind of self-centred to me too, or at least human-centric i suppose, usually coming with the idea that human life is so very important compared with everything else in this vast expanse of a universe. like i said, the simplest answer is usually the correct one. when a window breaks nobody says it’s gone somewhere else, because it hasn’t gone anywhere else, it’s simply broken, ended. why would it be any different for humans or any other life? in the grand scheme of things, none of us are much more significant than a window, one could even argue a window has more significance.

science has advanced so far, surely it’d have found some sign of a soul at this point if one existed. the simplest answer to that is there is no soul, the soul was yet another fiction, created to explain everyone’s seemingly coherent consciousness in a way easier to cope with than the simpler explanation; that humans are nothing more than bodies, that nobody is anything more than bodies. a meat body with a meat computer, that is all, and when that’s destroyed, just like a smashed window it has simply ended, it has not gone anywhere, it has ended.

and to think there’s not just people who believe in an afterlife, but that said afterlife will judge them based on morality; a concept dreamt up and believed purely by humans. that sounds utterly ridiculous. sure, other species can have sympathy, but never a morality system. to think the universe will judge you based on a concept you made up is insane. to believe the universe gives a shit about if you helped an old lady across the street or not is insane.

to say it once again, im fine with people who believe in an afterlife. just have a lot of opinions on this, ones that i probably wouldn’t tell them. and as said, i can clearly see how believing in an afterlife could help a person. damn, sometimes i wish i believed in an afterlife, finite existence is fucking terrifying. in fact i may be writing this more out of fear of my own finite existence than i am out of hate for the concept of an afterlife. which may not make much sense but whatever.

[angelismmm]

THE JESTERS' PLAY! an invitation; from clara & lee! — long awaited, 1k follower event !! (CLOSED, STILL FINISHING UP EVENT REQUESTS/ASKs!)

hai :3 im angelism/lee and from this day forward ('till end of may) i'll let this little events pass— for now, but yaaaa lets goo

CLICK HERE FOR MASTERLIST !!

PICK A CARD !! pick a theme!!

X-RATED: The Queen. (smut) — 18+ RATED \\ lust isn't an uncommon sin, definitely deadly, it'll kill you too.

A Toast To Everyone: The King. (fluff/etc.) — MAKE A TOAST \\ pride is indefinitely common, it eats you inside out.

A CARD! BUT OF WHAT KIND? pick a.. another theme?!

One of Spades: Schrodinger's Cat. (headcannons) — if you don't mention anything about what kind of fic, it'll default to headcannons! aka one of spades!

Two of Hearts: Can A Heart Beat even after Broken? (full fic) — this can take long.. but big sister lee will get to work as soon as possible!

Three of Diamonds: You shine brighter than any gem. (drabble) — easy peasy! even clara can help big sister lee with it—! oh.. right.. i can't touch any of the pages 'till they're out.. it could also default to this if you dont mention a card! depends on the prompts you pick! pick as many as you'd like!

Four of Clubs: I love you more than Life. (imagines) — this one is pretty easy too! but it's always what's really just on big sister lee's mind!

SHUFFLE THE DECK FOR ME, WILL YA? pick a prompt!

THESE CARDS ARE RATED: THE KING (FLUFF/ROMANTIC)

I want nobody else, understand that I only want you.

I want you to be in every life with me, I'll even go out of my way to find you.

You didn't have to do this for me you know... // That's why I did it, it was for you.

I could just propose to you right now and finally put this ring on your finger. // Wait.. WAIT—!

I wanna stay in your embrace forever.

Kissing under an umbrella before they drop you off at your home <3

Drunk Confessing; "Heehee... I love you so much you know~" // "I'll accept your confession when you're sober."

"Oh— wow— You look just.. wow."

Just hold my hand, don't be afraid.

I wish we could live in this moment forever.

I wanna wake up next to you in all my mornings.

I fell, and fell harder, but I made you fall too.

Don't think I'll forgive you for what you did. // If I kiss you enough times you will!

THESE CARDS ARE RATED: THE QUEEN (SMUT/18+)

"I've wanted to do this with you ever since we met."

"Haah—! Don't stop!"

"You're more than a one night stand."

"Try to stay a little quiet, just for me, okay?"

"They can't make you feel as good as I do, can they?"

"God— Fuck— You taste good."

"We're more than just friends with benefits, you know that."

"There's people right outside that door!" // "I know."

"Don't muffle those pretty moans, I wanna hear how good I make you feel."

"You look so adorable with my hands around your neck."

"My my, already so wet for me, hmm?"

"Shit.. you feel good, baby."

"You think you deserve this reward?"

"Don't make a mess now.. We'll certainly be giving the maids a hard time in the morning.

"Don't come 'till I say you can."

yippee!! my asks are always open, come on over!! next milestone will be letters from characters! ctto for the prompts! not all are my ideas/prompts! i reworded some of them! PLEASE MENTION WHAT/WHO CHARACTER U WANT :3

[vaxyl]

14 year old me deserved better

we shouldn't have been bullied, our parents shouldn't have emotionally neglected us, we shouldn't have been allowed free reign on the internet

i have irreversible trauma all because my parents didn't understand the difference between giving shelter & food to someone and real parenting

i felt abandoned and unloved and pushed away and hated

i felt utterly worthless to, and unwanted by, the very people who had fought to have me

my parents went through IVF to have me, you know, and yet my whole life I've never really felt loved or wanted by them

i ended up so alone and scared i fell into an older person's trap and was hurt in ways that i didn't understand back then

i felt so broken and discarded, like i truly had nothing left to give to anyone else

it really fucked me up

i understand how this all happened and it sickens me

i hate that some parents hate their children and hurt them internationally, i hate that some parents don't know love and therefore can't give it to their own children in the future

i hate that people refuse to accept that girls can be evil and predatory, i hate that we treat victims as criminals even if they "followed every rule"

its no wonder i gave up on my education in the end

its no wonder i stopped living

im stuck and I feel helpless

i was talking to people, I was getting help, I was making progress (and technically i still am but not in ways that truly help in the long run) but it got too overwhelming and i just fucking shut down again

i feel trapped in a body that doesn't belong to me

it never did and never will

i feel trapped in a cycle of anger and sadness and sickness and exhaustion

5 10 15 20 25 30

i feel so fucking stuck

so fucking done

i woke up at 6am today and i couldn't fall back asleep

i trued writing it off, literally by writing fanfiction, and I've refreshed tumblr and twitter so many times since I woke up that in kind of sick of them

its now 8am and I feel dead

but not energy wise

just emotionally unwound

I'll probably feel better after i have some water and talk to my boyfriend, knowing me

but i wanted to talk about how just fucked everything feels

i feel like a vase someone smashed into smithereens and that was put back together with paper mache and string

her name kills me almost every time I see or hear it now

i think i might hate myself less than her these days, honestly

she stole my innocence and my trust and my childish love

she robbed me of a colour, of a book series, of a movie, of a flower and of so much more

she probably doesn't even remember me anymore, if she's still alive after everything

i don't know what I'd prefer

5 10 15 20 25 30

would i rather she got help and found love and happiness?

would i rather the opposite?

i feel too tired to care

she's not the last, nor am i certain she was truly the first

but she ruined me in ways nobody else could dream to

she left a sickness in my veins that i cant get rid of

its almost become lovely

i would miss it if it were gone

the hate is ugly and hisses, but i take comfort in its heat

maybe i am broken, maybe she broke me, maybe

i woke up today with terrible thoughts of things i dont want to do to myself or to others

thats fucked up

i can't remember if i was always like this or if she did this

maybe its both

5 10 15 20 25 30

all i know is that im tired

i want to stop hurting

i want to stop being scared

i want to stop being angry

i want to stop being sad

i want to stop being so tired

i just want to live and love

i love people, i do

i hate feeling such strong hatred that im not so sure is even really my own

i just want to be happy

i feel sick

[ase-trollplays]

--chronicallyMousy [CM] began trolling sandstormHuntress [SH]--

--chronicallyMousy [CM] began trolling sandstormHuntress [SH]--

CM: ...hello corali... (//:3 ...how have you been?...

SH: Eh, I been better, I guess. Some fucking

SH: Coward ass chicken shit's been leaving threats at my hive.

CM: ...what???...

SH: It ain't nothing to worry about. I ain't scared a nobody that can't threaten me to my face. Little annoying notes ain't gonna intimidate me none.

CM: ...corali... maybe you s-should take this s-seriously... ...did you upset or hurt anyone recently?...

SH: Just the usual rowdy drunks at the Jackhammer and the troll whose arm I snapped in half a perigee back for stabbing me.

CM: ...do you think its him?... )//:3

SH: Unless he wants me to snap every bone in his body, it better not be.

SH: He's been banned from the bar, and I ain't seen him since then.

SH: Fucker knows he can't take me in a fight, so he's trying to scare me.

CM: ...do you think a legislacerator might help you?...

SH: Are y'all kidding? Legis don't give a shit about lowbloods unless they're arresting, beating, or putting us on trial.

SH: I might as well ask my pa for help for all the good a legi will do.

CM: ...i just dont want you getting hurt... ...what if they escalate things?... ...if they already know where you live... and your hive isnt that easy to find or get to... imagine what else they must know... D//:3

SH: Don't y'all worry your pretty little head. There ain't a troll on Alternia that can scare me. You've seen your mate, and you know me and him go at it like pit fighters and he ain't killed or seriously hurt me yet aside from the occasional broken bone.

CM: ...but danny fights fair... ...whoever this is probably wont... and you might get killed or worse!...

SH: I'm telling y'all it's fine. Everything's gonna be fine.

CM: ... )//':3

SH: Ah come on, don't make little crying faces at me.

SH: It's

SH: Fine.

SH: I promise on my sobriety I can handle whatever the fuck's going on.

CM: ...just call me and check in every night for the next perigee... ...if i dont hear from you... im coming out there...

SH: Alright, if it'll make you feel better, fine. Expect to hear from me tomorrow.

CM: ...thank you... (//:3

CM: ...have you told darius?...

SH: Of course not. She's got better things to worry about, like her dress shop.

CM: ...darius is using s-she/her again?...

SH: Yeah, says it feels "right." Whatever, I ain't gonna judge her. She's my kiddo no matter what she calls herself.

CM: ...im trying to think of how to better explain gender to varoll... ...s-she only knows about cisgender boys and girls...

CM: ...and i told her that s-sometimes boys and girls look different than you expect... and s-someone you think is a boy is really a girl... and vice versa...

CM: ...but im not s-sure how to explain people that are transgender... or arent a binary gender at all...

SH: Eh, you're overthinking it. Kids will take whatever you tell them pretty much at face value.

CM: ...varoll isnt like that... though... ...not at her age... ...s-she wants to know everything in detail... and all the hows and whys...

CM: ...if i tell her that s-some people are just 'like that'... s-she might not accept that as an answer...

CM: ...but i dont know any other way to explain other genders to her...

SH: Dar's genderweird. Just scoot Varoll her way.

SH: Get her answers right from the hoofbeast's mouth. She's the one who taught me all this gender shit in the first place.

SH: I ain't gonna say I'm an expert, but I know enough. I'm sure she'd love to talk about it.

CM: ...are you s-sure?... ...i dont want to put that on her and make her feel like s-she has to...

SH: Trust me, Dar'll leap at the chance.

CM: ...okay... ...it would be a really big help...

CM: ...hows work?...

SH: Same shit different night.

SH: Throwing out people starting fights or getting handsy or giving the bartender a little too much lip.

CM: ...i really wish you would work s-somewhere else... ...im worried with you constantly being around alcohol and people drinking...

SH: Have some faith in me. It's been, what.

SH: Seven perigees now since I quit? And I haven't had a drop. I'm still going to AA, and I got you and Dar and Arri for support.

SH: Ain't nothing gonna make me blow this.

SH: I invite the universe to fucking try it. Can't be done.

CM: ...please dont tempt the universe... D//:3

SH: Y'all know I'm just messing. ;)

SH: Anyw

CM: ...corali?...

--sandstormHuntress [SH] is an idle chum--

CM: ...im going to call you...

--chronicallyMousy [CM] gave up trolling sandstormHuntress [SH]--

[0xo]

i am so tired of ppl on facebook being like "help, my [dog/cat] is missing, we usually let them out to roam and they haven't been home in a few days," stop it! stop it! you are a bad person!!!!!

i just saw one where the poster was like "my unchipped unspayed uncollared female cat is in heat and i let her out, she's been gone three days, please bring her home to me" with a picture of a cat who was clearly old enough to be spayed and it's just. AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! we literally have programs in our area for $15 dollar spays and $5 microchips!!! why are you letting this happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stop letting your cats outdoors!!!!!! i get that maybe getting the cat fixed is out of budget atm but at least keep them inside!!!!!!

also if $15 for a spay is too much, like you own this cat for two years and can't come up with $15 ONCE, maybe you don't need a pet???? how are you feeding them if you can't afford to fix them? and you're letting them outside, are you even flea treating them? like i am currently broke but my cats have NO NUTS and plenty of food and monthly flea meds! and they STAY INSIDE!!! it makes me so angry when ppl get animals without considering that they COST MONEY and that you have to. Have To. get them fixed and medicated. and that if you want an Alive Cat you should NOT BE LETTING THEM OUTDOORS!!!!!!! these ppl are fucking insufferable quite frankly.

like im not saying poor ppl shouldn't have pets! shit happens! i am a broke person with pets! if you get a pet while circumstances are good, you're confident it all fits in your budget, and then something happens and you're suddenly broke, i don't think you should have to get rid of the pet. if you're ALREADY broke and want to have pets, that's cool, everyone needs a buddy - you NEED to save up first. and in both cases, you gotta know how much monthly care costs and you need to be ready to put their medical needs before your wants every single time. and if you know you can't do that, do! not! get! the! pet! if you cannot afford to spay/neuter or to adopt one that's already spayed/neutered (most shelters do this!) you cannot afford one! very sorry!

like i feel bad saying that some ppl don't deserve their pets but. when you let them run around outside off leash for days on end, and don't bother with proper veterinary care even when you can afford it? that is bad! that is cruel! your pet is going to get injured or stolen! and honestly if you're neglecting an animal that much, if they're missing three days and it takes you THAT LONG to think "maybe something isn't right," maybe somebody else should take the animal!

sorry it's just. so bad. it makes me so angry. i love my cats more than life and i can't fathom just letting them fuck off to get killed. one of mine went missing for 7 months, not because anyone let him out but because of a broken window, and i was destroyed!!! gutted!!! i felt guilty and angry every day even though nobody did anything wrong!!!! it was the best day of my life when he came back!!!! i would give an organ to be able to have the space/money for a dog, but i don't have the right things so i don't have a dog. but i want one so so so bad, i miss my childhood dog like a family member. she was one of my dearest friends in my entire life. and ppl with dogs and cats are just letting them go loose on the streets? and being SURPRISED when they don't come back? disgusting!!!!!!

[solar-cycle]

Slapped out a quick scene because this ✨️inspired me✨️

cw: minor terrorism, suicide threat, brief mention of hospitalization and head trauma

Tommy took a shaky breath, hand gripping the plastic casing of the burner phone. He reminded himself that he made sure that nobody was in the entire building beforehand, so nobody would even get hurt. Plus, wasn't this old place due for some demolition sometime?

"It's not even a big bomb," he whispered his reasoning to comfort himself. "It won't even cause much damage."

His nervous spiral was broken by the sound of a voice rumbling behind him. "What are you doing." It was his brother, Technoblade.

Tommy keeps his shoulders hunched and glances back. As he sees the menacing figure of Techno's hero costume, he indulges in a memory. When Techno first debuted, he had wanted to be named after some greek mythology figure. Some great warrior or god of some kind. To impress upon his enemies (which currently included Tommy, not that he knew that) his "strength, power, and elegance" as Techno had put it. When he came back from his debut he was sulking in that sort of half-frustrated way Techno moped. Apparently the Hero committee had turned down his name and made him debut as 'The Blade of Justice' and he had absolutely loathed it.

A shuffling snapped him out of the reverie. "If you aren't doing anything then get out of here, kid. We don't have time to sta-"

"I have a bomb," Tommy hurriedly interrupted. "I'll set it off if you get too close." He tucked the burner into his pocket and held his thumb near the detonate button, turning around to face his brother.

What little of his face that wasn't obscured by his mask was twisted in skepticism. Tommy saw it in the way that he stood that Techno was nervous, though. He had one foot tilted away from him, slightly behind the other that was facing him. As if he would rather run away than be here. It was a stance Tommy saw on him every time he was forced to socialize by their dad.

"A…bomb?" The question was flat but his voice dripped with disbelief. "You know empty threats won't keep us around or anything. We have real work to do out there so just...go do whatever it is that-"

"No-" Tommy snapped, "Im fucking serious you prick. I have a detonator in my pocket and if you don't give me a damn good reason why I shouldn't set it off right now, I'll push it."

Blade tilted his head, "I can just tackle and restrain you."

Tommy's throat felt dry. After years of wrestling as kids he knew personally that you can't get out of a Techno hold, no matter how much you bit and screamed and kicked. He glanced at the edge of the roof next to him. He was watching the building for any extra movement at a safe distance for about half an hour, trying to psych himself up. In a quick movement that startled Blade, he hopped back so he was closer to the edge.

Blade took a step forward and Tommy felt something rise in his throat. As soon as he took another towards him, it unstuck itself.

"If you come any closer I'm jumping off the roof."

The silence was tense for a few moments, as Blade shuffled his foot back, putting on a faux relaxed posture. Both his feet were facing Tommy, so he had his full attention.

"Icarus is on the way," Techno spoke softly. Faintly Tommy remembered how Techno always refused to use assigned hero names, instead using the ones that he had given everyone. "He can help you down, and get you somewhere safe. Don't do anything stupid."

But Tommy was never that good at listening to his family. With shaky hands he lifted the rewired burner out of his pocket. "Not if I can make a call first." The words were hard to say past the lump that had lodged itself into his throat again. They came out as a gentle whisper, that he was half sure was shaking.

Techno shifted, looking more uncomfortable, "You haven't been that bad so far, kid. You don't have to do this. If you let go of the cell you'll be in way less trouble if you get taken in."

Tommy's face twisted. He wouldn't have had to do anything bad at all if his family had ever given him their time of day when they were all out of costume. His voice is sharp as he grits out, "I'll fucking do it. I'll blow the place sky high. I don't care what you say because you can't fucking catch me." He may have overhyped the amount of explosives that were actually there, but that wasn't important.

Right as Techno opens his mouth to say something, his eyes snap to the sky behind Tommy. Tommy faintly heard the rustling of feathers that he had trained himself into listening carefully for. Phil was on his way. He twists around, and sees his father bearing down on him, wings folded for a dive. He's going to tackle Tommy or grab him and wheel him around a little. W8thout thinking, his hand tightens on the phone as he sees his father bearing down on him. A thunderous noise shakes the earth as Phil makes contact.

Suddenly, he finds himself blinking awake, head fuzzy and incoherent. After a few moments of trying to see clearly through his eyes, he finally scrounges up the thought that he must have fallen unconscious somehow. It worries him and he hears a sound pick up in pace nearby him.

His vision clears more and he sees a white room, packed with the three heroes he had been chasing for months talking in a clump at the foot of his…hospital? bed. His mouth feels clumsy, like he had been given novocaine as he tries asking "Where the fuck am I?" The slurring makes it little more than a few vague mumbles and hisses. The heads in conversation turn to look at him.

Phil steps forwards, spreading his wings. Techno and Wilbur part around them, letting him dominate the space as he approaches Tommy's bedside. As his senses retur , he can still feel that his mask is in place, so at least there's that.

Phil flares his wings and speaks in a grim, unforgiving tone. "You are in the hero tower's medical ward. You blew up part of a building and are considered enough of a threat to need to be detained."

Tommy feels a stone drop in his stomach. He caught only about half of that, but he got the general idea. He was so fucked. He was going to either get revealed or get put into fucking jail and his family probably wouldn't even know he was missing from home.

Much to his own alarm, the noise picks up in frequency and he starts shedding tears behind the mask. Phil's face frowns slightly. In his delirium, Tommy thinks that his father is upset at him for crying.

Eventually, after a few moments of silence from the heroes, and heavy breathing from Tommy, the noise that he begins to register as a heart monitor slows down its beeps. He moves to rub his eyes and something on his hand bumps into his mask. He looks at it for a moment before recognizing an IV is taped into the back of his hand.

Phil clears his throat, "We need to scan your brain to ensure there is no head trauma. We will be removing your mask in case of any metal inside of it and we are permitted to keep it afterward." Tommy freezes, heart caught in his throat. "If you agree to behave and go through a quick correctional course, we can release you back into the public without revealing any of your record publicly."

Tommy was being crushed by the weight on his chest. It felt like he couldn't get enough air. The beeping came back twice as strong, and Phil grimaced before reaching a hand towards his face. Tommy had his eyes screwed shut, frozen in fear as Phil unclasped the mask and pulled it off slowly.

The room was dead silent, and then a choked gasp from what sounded like Songbird. "Tommy?"

Au where SBI are heroes and Tommy becomes a villain to spend time with them

Explanation:

Basically Phil, Wilbur, and Techno are all superheroes, the best ones in the city, but because they're so busy saving lives all the time they accidentally start to neglect their youngest, Tommy. So Tommy realizes that the only way to see his family is when they're at work.

The problem is that Phil, Techno, and Wilbur don't want to let tommy become a hero since they don't want him to get hurt

So Tommy becomes a villain instead

Turns out he's a bit too good at being a villain, because his family can never catch him.

Cue his family neglecting Tommy more, but spending more time trying to catch this new villain who just seems to know exactly how to outsmart them.

Tommy realizes that he can be himself around his family when he's the villain, loud laugh, funny jokes that annoy them.. all without the tension and guilt that all of them seem to have around him. So Tommy stops bothering to try and spend time with his family as a civilian, after all, all he needs to do is blow up an entire building and his family will come.

[l1e1n1i1]

my job has opened my eyes to the type of mother i want to be and know i can be, i cant help but feel bad for the child inside of me. i wish i could have protected myself. i wish i could have felt loved. i find my job incredibly healing, i wish i could end the day in a home that aligned with the healing i feel, but its almost like i enter into this house ive lived in my entire life, the same home ive endured most of the worst moments of my life, and i and a zombie.

this is the same bedroom that broke me as a child, that i tried to end my life in as a teen, that i was beaten and raped in right as i entered adulthood, and then continued the cycle in. my brain goes from enjoying my day, laughing at funny videos on my phone, to looking at a spot on my wall and sinking back into the things i wish i could forget.

since my toe was broken i have been thinking about going to the hospital for a mental health break. and honestly, if i could take my phone with me to simply answer work texts, i might be more inclined. i want so badly to open up completely. i will never forget the time in planned parenthood when i had one of the abortions i had with a (who knows what fucking number) and the social worker was asking the typical questions. "are you here because you want to be, are you being forced to be here, etc etc." and everything was fine until she asked me if i have been forced to have sex and have been hit and she started crying and that was one of the moments that really opened my eyes like holy shit im making this woman cry by simply answering yes, maybe i should reevaluate. its one thing to hear friends tell you that you deserve better. when you grow up in therapy since age 6 being told everything is your fault it kind of means a lot to have someone validate you.

then i had to talk to someone else, she apologized and suddenly im in a new office with a different woman being given resources and thanking god.

too bad i was so fucking naive calling all the numbers leaving messages practically begging for help and nobody returned the calls. and maybe i should have kept trying but its really hard to continue trying when the cops take his side and im getting told hes making mistakes and im to blame.

and then with j this past summer in 2024 i was pregnant. hated myself because a few months prior i could have had s but of course kept the cycle going. read a book about domestic abuse "survivors" and you will get my entire story. it's pretty humbling and saddening to realize that i am living the same life as so many women, and sadly i am lucky for not being killed (am i though?)

had to get an abortion, planned parenthood. was kind of thanking god for the few days leading up, considering he kept putting his hands on me. my mistake was getting the first appointment. i guess they doing have social workers that early or something. got beaten and then went to bed, cried but told myself i cant have a baby with someone that hurts me, especially as i am carrying the chlid, and told myself that i could open up with the social worker in the morning.

woke up to us fighting. why do my parents never hear it? they didnt hear a beat me they dont hear j beat me? (meanwhile when i talk to s on the phone december 2024 my mom tells me she can hear my laughing and its too loud? broke my heart to think maybe she does hear the stuff in my room and ignores it. ignores her daughter getting thrown to the floor and punched.)

we fought and he told me he wouldnt take me to get the abortion. i cried and begged. had 2 big bumps on my head from where he punched me. told myself in just 1 hour i would be telling someone what i'm going through. maybe i could have some hope again, be the type of girl to call for help and leave messages.

but i had the first appointment. didnt get those questions. didnt have the chance. i thought about saying something when i was on the table getting fentanyl through the iv, because i had to be awake during it. then i was too out of it and i dont remember anything. i wish i said it and could remember. i wish i could feel the words float off of my chest. even as i type this i feel a bit lighter, it sucks to hold it all in. but i am so ashamed. and honestly after going through everything with a i should just be grateful im not scared of being killed,

i told myself if i was with s i wouldnt be dealing with that. maybe i would have to get an abortion, who knows, but he would never punch me when i was pregnant. at least, i dont think so. so scary to think i could be so easily tricked and trapped into the same cycle and with guy number three it would be so much harder to leave.

maybe a month later we had another fight. broken toe and stitches for me. lots of apologies. my brain thought about s. i wouldnt have a broken toe if i was with s.

[taylorbuggtaylortot]

I can’t even tell you how I feel because I don’t know how to say it without a pen or a page

I can’t even say what I’m thinking cause I’m always thinking of things too late

And all I know is I wanna scream out loud

But I can’t so I push it down

I gotta be alright

Yeah I gotta be okay

I can’t let them know so I push them away

Cause what does it mean if I can’t pour my heart out

I don’t want to be dramatic or misunderstood now

But if I keep it to myself

I can’t deal with all this hell

I know I’m mentally unwell

But I just can’t get help

But I stopped filling the void and I’ve been dealing with my emotions

But I still feel alone

And Wanna mix up all the potions

And I’m too broken to be ready for something like love

And I can’t be myself to the one that I really trust

I thought attention was love but love is respect

And now I have neither

Cause no one here is left

To hold a conversation or listen to the pain

And everyday I feel the same but I still fight for a change

Still Im at the end of my line

I need a shoulder sometimes

I need a friend not a guy

Some one who just doesn’t lie

I wish you would look me in the face and tell me that im safe but I gotta do that for me but right now I feel weak and afraid

Don’t choose now to hold your tongue

I trust you more than anyone

And I’ve been feeling so undone

And though you could be the one

Im sick of playing pretend

I got a whole heart to mend

And im not ready for love but yet my heart don’t listen

I look at you and I see strength to pull me through the day

Please don’t give up on me

I’m tryin to give you some faith

Narcissists will literally be a terrible person and have to deal with the consequences of their actions and still try to paint a picture of why you should feel sorry for them and nurse them back to health, and they say they’re sorry (just like they have a million times without enforcing changed behavior) just to trick you into rescuing them like you used to.

What I want to say to a narcissist:

1) if it’s mother fuck me then it’s mother fuck you

2) if you gonna do you, I’m gonna do me, and trust me honey.. I can do me very well

3) well well well, If it isn’t the consequences of your own actions

4) weird how you actually did terrible things to deserve what you’re dealing with, and I got all that and more even though I stayed doing right by you

5) stay strong like I had to. Keep your composure like I had to. Carry on like I had to. Be alone like I had to.

6) I no longer trust you so giving you any information to aid you in continuing your behavior successfully is off limits because helping you is no longer my concern or business

7) weird how now you’re having to eat the consequences of your actions and you can’t even stomach it. Literally. But when I was getting force fed that shit, it didn’t matter. I was supposed to swallow it down with a smile on my face no matter how much I was dying inside.

8)It’s my turn to not give af about you. You threw all trust and safety that I felt with you out the window, and you expect me to just look at you the same? You have no rights to me or my space. You’re a snake who lies to make themselves look like the victim even though there’s a reason why nobody wants to help you anymore. You don’t truly appreciate the people in your life, they’re props to you in order to alleviate your wants and needs, so you chew them up and spit them out but act like you love them with your whole heart and try to ruin their character behind closed doors. Real life coward shit.

9)When you get caught doing the shit you sorry for, have the same amount of remorse you had while you were doing it.

Yeah, being responsible for making a shitty decision sucks. Yes, you got caught. That must completely and utterly suck for you. You poor poor baby.

Sike…

Swallow that the same way I had to. Only sorry you dealing with repercussions, nothing more; nothing less. Be strong now baby. I’m out.

10)🤡Narcissist Alert🤡

You gonna need me and I ain’t gonna be there. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just remember: you did that.

[arguablysomaya]

im finally doing another batfam fic rec lets see what we have today

by @dizarys

Dick sank down on the stairs and ran both hands over his face. Maybe giving up and moving on was easier. But all of that wasn’t nothing. They were threads of hope that Dick knew he would cling to until his last breath.

If he could keep his brothers alive.

---

When a mysterious villain targets the Robins, forcing them together, Dick is bound and determined to keep his brothers safe no matter the cost. Unfortunately for him, so are they.

dick grayson is a self sacrificing idiot. what else is new

by @frownyalfred

Bruce takes the batkids out for some extra training.

in which bruce wayne shoots his kids. no, really

by @tarvek-sturmvoraus

"Birds are animals, Jay."

"What the fuck? No. Aren't they basically reptiles?" Jason demands.

"First of all, no, you're thinking of dinosaurs, which is what they actually are in the Flintstones. Second of all, reptiles are animals."

"Bullshit."

"Okay, I..." Tim pinches his nose. "Okay. I think I see the problem here."

"Yes, Todd sustained a traumatic brain injury the other night and didn't see fit to inform anyone before we left on this inane trip."

absolutely nobody has a braincell in this family. none

by @ididloveyou

‘Anyone ever tell you that you’re pretty?’ Fingertips dug into Jason’s chin, tilting his head side to side, surveying him, ‘all that bravado doesn’t suit a face like yours.’

Jason snarled and pulled at his restraints.

‘Ah, ah, ah,’ the leader chastised, voice light, ‘you’ve got the wrong idea. Pretty is a good thing. Pretty is useful.’

Or: Jason probably shouldn’t have tried to take down an entire gang without his armor. Fortunately, Nightwing is in the area. No one hurts Dick’s family and gets away with it.

rip pavlov, you would've loved dick grayson.

by @bleusarcelle

“You’re not being practical,” Damian snarls at him.

“And you’re not being rational.” Tim throws back. “Please do me the favor of looking down, Demon, and tell me exactly how letting you fall into the dark abyss below you is the practical choice here?”

Damian scoffs at him. “It’s hardly an abyss, I can see the building's rumble below and some of the broken infrastructure at the bottom -”

“Wow, you’re so not helping your case.”

(Or the one where their patrol night goes to shit and Tim has a really stubborn little brother that apparently wants to die again just because he's stubborn as fuck. Sucks for Damian, though, because Tim is used to doing the exact opposite of what Damian wants just to spite him. Like a good big brother.)

big brother tim??? and its not even my birthday

by @biromantic-nerd

His alarm woke him far too soon. Well, actually, no it didn't. It woke him exactly when it was supposed to. But it just felt like it was too soon, was the thing. The warmth of his blankets was like a siren call and he - the foolish smitten sailor - leaned into the allure and burrowed deeper. Five minutes, he swore. Just five.

(Bad Things Happen Bingo prompt 3: "Worked Themselves To Exhaustion" + "Dick Grayson")

if you or anyone you know if experiencing eldest daughter syndrome you may be entitled to financial compensation

by @goatsghost

At a gala, Cass notices someone slipping something in her drink, but she’s not able to decline without bringing unwanted attention to herself. Here we go, she thinks, and tips the drink back, downing it in one go.

cass has a really bad time at a gala, but don't worry, her brothers are here for her. tw for racism and attempted SA

by @smilebackwards

Batman needs a Robin and Batman has a Robin. Tim is just extraneous now, vestigial. He’s a bandage over a healed wound. He doesn’t know what he’s hanging on to.

Or: Tim didn’t expect his exit strategy from the Batfamily to involve quite so much bonding time with Damian over Wayne Enterprises bureaucracy.

um. ow. also criminally underrated, what the fuck?

by @jaded-jewels

Kyle lives in New York. Well, when he’s not living on Oa. He’s also kinda sorta dating Jason Todd and the batkids want to see what he’s all about. Kyle just thinks he’s lucky Batman himself hasn’t climbed through his window.

jaykyle on main? way more likely than you think.

by @eggmacguffin

When he ends up ditched in Atlanta after a fight with his dad, Tim decides to do the only sensible thing: Tell no one and make the 800 mile journey back to Gotham on his own.

Because the "call Batman when you're in trouble" rule only applies when he's Robin, right?

not underrated... per say. but still required reading