#i just think this fandom might become toxic in the near future

[lolkitkatbar]

The people worried about the TADC fandom being toxic are making the fandom toxic

Okay, so what do I mean by this? I mean people are shaming people for liking certain characters or shipping things.

"It hasn't even been a month and people are already shipping characters!?"

"I hope this doesn't become like the Welcome Home fandom!"

"Welcome home 2.0!?!?"

Shut up! Yes people are going to simp for characters. Yes people are going to ship them. Yes people will make headcannons. What? Is this your first time in a fandom??? Yeah every fandom might be a little toxic, it's unfortunate, but it's the truth. You have to know how to navigate these things.

And I'm not saying that you have to like certain characters/ships. Do whatever you want. Gooseworks already confirmed that she doesn't mind ships and she simps for Jax herself!

So stop becoming like the MD fandom and let people enjoy the show how they want to.

[chloeangelic]

thank you and goodbye 💗

I've made the decision to leave Tumblr and continue posting on AO3 instead (including my ongoing series, ie SWID, TMWH and SFTD). I am not deactivating - all my posted works will stay up, but you won't be seeing me here at all, I'm sorry.

I can't stay in a community where people are so concerned with avoiding drama that they're willing to stand around and watch someone get bullied and harassed until they no longer feel welcome here. I understand not wanting to post about it in fear of getting harassed yourself, but that shouldn't stop you from reaching out to the person involved and asking what's true and not. You're still welcome to message me for clarification if you wish.

I wanted so badly to just ignore it and move on but I'm not made of stone. I can't scroll the feed anymore without wondering who thinks I'm a terrible person based on claims that were admitted to being fabricated. I haven't talked shit, I haven't lied, I haven't manipulated, I haven't done anything I've been accused of and neither has Iris. This has been insulting and awful for both of us, and there's been almost zero repercussions for the people starting this drama.

If you have no idea what I'm taking about, please read this post. If you contributed to this through spreading rumors, trashing me in group chats, vagueposting about me, or reblogging nasty posts/anons about me - congrats, you've bullied someone on the internet. Do you feel better about yourself now?

The only way I can continue posting fic is unfortunately by removing myself from what has become an incredibly toxic environment, which is disappointing and shocking to see from a fandom full of grown adults.

So to my readers and the friends I've made here - I love you with all my heart, and I can't thank you enough for your support. My casual readers, my reply guys, you have given me the gift of writing, which has been so healing for me and something I hope to keep doing for a long time to come. I want to stay in touch with you and I want you to be able to continue reading my stuff, so you have a few options.

I will be posting on my AO3 account also called chloeangelic. If you subscribe to me there, you'll get emails when I upload. If you don't have an AO3 user, message me on discord @ chloeangelic and I will personally send you the link when I've posted to whichever series you're interested in. ETA: I tried to make a new account to message with people but tumblr shadowbanned it, so discord will be the only way to get in contact with me.

I might come back one day, but right now, going on the dash literally gives me a stomach ache and I don't see that changing in the near future. I have high enough self esteem to know that I don't deserve to get treated the way I have, and I need to go where I'm celebrated, not just tolerated.

All my love + I hope to see you over on AO3,

Chloe

[heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon]

#this is so funny I'm tweaking rn#is this a bit#hazbin hotel fans r so#ehhhh uhmmmm#weird to me - @archiearchiearchiearchie

Uh, yeah and judging by your homestuck icon your fandumb became infamous for bathing in sharpie maker ink babe, like I'm so glad you trolls are enjoying your 15minutes of knowing what it's like to be biff from back to the future getting to be the kind of petty fandumb bully you always wanted to be for once but it just doesn't work for like, the fourth lowest tier on the insufferable tumblr fandumb food chain right above superholock, the onceler and miku to think they're even allowed to stoop that low right now, peasant.

Like I'm not sorry that us Hazbin have way more in common with The Rise of The Brave Frozen Tangled Dragons whatever the fuck fandom and objectively more so the other now kind of dead subsets of The Non/Disney Crossover fandumbs then we ever did with you little sharpie marker ink bathing shits and we'll objectively never be as cringe as any of you due to the fact that the genre and medium Medrano is satirizing (classical animation/Disney) was long dead before our shows even started and its so popular because people actually want that back... But no one wants little unwashed webcomic geek who get shunned by society by bathing in sharpie ink and I'm not sorry Disney Crossover Artists still have a more powerful sense of dignity and creativity in their left pinky than Homestuck fans artists and I'm not sorry Andrew Hussies' art style is still ugly as shit no matter how many you try to "Disney-fie" it or fix it and I'm not sorry that Viv Medrano will always be a much better, more successful artist artist than Andrew Hussie and I know you're literally only bitter, jealous and (attempting) bullying me right now because my fandom will always be a much better, more loving, less toxic environment than yours was in spite of Medrano being given/dude bros wanting to give her a sort of Lauren Faust/Rebecca Sugar treatment... But you need to ether put what you need to say in the captions of my post instead of mumbling it the tags like a coward, learn how to spell first if you want to insult me, fucking pay me if you want me to shut the fuck up that badly, finally learn how to use something called a block button if you see something you don't like, or #SHUTTHEFUCKUPHOMESTUCKFAN and move on, okay? Now Shut The Fuck Up, Homestuck Fan! ;) ♥ X.O

Oh, fyi you don't deserve to have the word "fag" anywhere near your blog if you're making fun of a High Femme Demon/Monster Fucker who once heavily cyberfucked the worst species of Fur Fag possible decades before his chosen breed of fursona become of one of the trendiest archetypes of a Furry/Demon/Monster to fuck and I spiraled into a mental breakdown after that became a Sex Symbol.

Again, not sorry if choosing love over hate for that kinda precious mainstream queer rep that I didn't I didn't know I needed, is something that makes me "too weird" for your little underground marker eating troll ass or anyone else, but if anyone has an actual reason to hate Hazbin to their core it's me.. But the thing is I chose not to live my life bitter like that, I chose not to be like you, and for anyone else reading this who thinks I might be feeding the trolls with with this one... If they couldn't have said anything nice, they shouldn't have said anything at all, mumbling away in the tags or otherwise.

But believe me, I will have a lot of things to say about Hazbin Hotel when it's all over, but the utter backlash from all corners of the internet has proven the reason why, for now, the show just existing is not the signal telling me its as safe as I thought once thought it would be to be able to share my story one day, though one day, that will happen.

For now, I'm just documenting all the examples of obvious reason why it just cant happen for me in the current time, but it will, when I feel safe, and y'all are ready to stop being such jerks about it.

See? I already feel much safer and more spiteful to eventually share my truth BECAUSE of all the shit Hazbin Hotel fans are subjected to and have to go through and I think that's progress for me, I think that's (already) saying something. ♥

Okay, yeah... I thought so...

Replies screenshot from my add to this post this post that I accidentally found through an email notification of an @ that you'll see didn't even scan on my tumblr radar on a reblog chain I couldn't add on to again because I blocked OP (good ♥).

This attempt at an @ is still hilarious by the way like OP was so afraid of me she blocked me I literally couldn't fucking hear or responded to any of what you little shits were saying ...

@poutyrootveggie @duncebento @specialmouse Whoaaaaaaa you little mediocre weebshit abled-bodied special needs dunces! I was so shocked that the last tough guy @ from the miku simp with the tumblr badges literally didn't scan and I only found out about this from opening my email and clicking the blog notes!

Yeah, I know you abled-bodied little shits wish god nuked you half as much as she nuked me since you're begging not to be perceived as feeling anything in your legs since you wanna be a vegetable that bad so you can have access to your weeby little comfort items and Mickey D's toys forever because you're never gonna grow up and get laid and I know you're gonna understand this as much as I understand tiktok memes because back in my day it was a Beelzebub Song but let me teach y'all's lil' steven universe sour cream studio ghibli guzzling wannabe misgendering unwashed surfer brah asses about something called hyperbole and sarcasm and metaphor and what a real dramatic "queer reading" means : It means I know and I don't care and if you want me to be nit picky about it y'all are too special needs to even mind your spelling...

And in this context means no disrespect but sometimes I wish I had as much the privilege and confidence as a low support needs abled-bodied autistic on social media explaining a thing about their Fandumb Oppression Olympics to be able to get away with typing like that much of a high support needs retarded version of myself while pretending to be that shocked by what a woman in a wheelchair is saying while causally misgendering her while I don't have any OCD regarding using any sort of punctuation while I'm doing that so abled bodies don't think I'm retarded, because I'm an abled-bodied autistic that can get away with doing the best impression of a retarded version of myself because I'm quirky brah it's not that deep but this lady who I just called "dude" and I have no idea how she feels about that doesn't Know Her Memes TM and that's what matters.

Not that a bunch of abled-bodied autistic weebs are trying to gang up on an actually disabled wheelchair user right now over what again, essentially amounts to a fandumb superiority/bully complex bigger than the weebs on Big Bang Theory and again, essentially started over Spoopynatch dishorse,,,,,

Because when abled-bodied autistics talk like that online or irl itssamememario but if my wheelchair bound arse ever did that in front of an older abled-bodied authority figure or anyone abled-bodied really...! Nitwit school. Special Needs Programing. 9PM curfew stuck in a group home.

Anyway, Homestuck ended years ago go lobotomize yourselves with a sharpy collective hallucination style if you wanna unlive that angy abt it!

Was shit like this why I'm getting so many new followers? Thanks but no thanks kidz go listen to your bops! ;) ♥

Have fun being stuck in your little tenderqueer fandumb mode forever because you made sure Hazbin is my last one but at least I'm a recovering Disney Adult using her Vivzietine patch instead of a little shit gen z otaku who's so spoiled I can get away with pretending to be more brain damaged than I actually am!! ;) ♥ X.O

(But oh, before I go @poutyrootveggie ...

"#ITS A MEME ABOUT PEOPLES UNNECECARY DOGSHIT HELP #I NEED THIS TO BE SATIRE" .. You mean a bunch of unnecessary dog shit like..? A bunch of weebs and apparent Homestuck and Supernatural fans trying to collectively dogpile on a Hazbin Hotel fan sharing on a fandumb post on fandumb website tungle.hel when they try to scold you about wishing you were doing s satire when they don't understand hyperbole and you wish that this abled bodied shit autistic with a Miku plushie for an icon and tumblr badges was a satire in and of themselves but deep down you know they're seriously pathetic enough to think, again that, causally misgendering and harassing a wheelchair bound woman for barking too loud about their own Special Interest Demon Discourse TM on a post made by a person with the studio ghibli cat TM as their icon talking about their demon shit rusty nail show discourse cause they're loser who liked that dog shit in the first place and I know I have far superior taste than any of ya so don't fucking @ me again... You think any of this cyberbully shit when I was just minding my own damn business and didn't even @ OP sharing sharing my fandom story fandumb story on a fandumb post on a fandumb website makes you look like the good ones? You mean pulling some "unnecessary dog shit" on me like that?

Well, jokes on you hon...This Hellhounds second bite fueled by Kesha's Cotten Candy bit down so hard on that lil' pussy OP got so scared of me that they blocked me back, meaning I couldn't even fucking hear you when you tried to @ me to stir shit up again and hows this for a final anime showdown? I'm pulling a Hatsune Miku putting my headphones back on so I won't be able to fucking hear you again.. You abled-bodied-wannabe-tard! LA! LA LA!`~ ♥

You want my silence? Pay me for it!

[an-ambivalent]

WARNING:  This post contains yandere themes (unhealthy relationships) and mentions of other toxic behaviours  that can be triggering and uncomfortable to read. So, read at your own risk. This work is purely fiction. I do not condone this toxic behaviour irl.

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: Sasuke x Reader | Neji x Reader

Status: Headcanons, requested. 

Ask:  How would Yandere Neji and Sasuke act around their fem darling? (In Genin stage). No beta, we die like men. It’s 2 am for me, I’m too anxious to sleep so yeeee, probably incorrect grammar here and there. 

Yandere Sasuke

(for his scenario you are part of team 7)

~Sasuke as a yandere is possessive in almost everyway, every scenario / circumstance. He will want all of your attention on him. Even if he’s not much of a chit-chatter himself, he will not allow you to speak to the other two idiots, especially not Naruto.

~Whenever the four of you (Naruto, Sakura, you and Sasuke) turn up on your meeting spots on time like the idiots you are, and are left to wait for Kakashi for an eternity, he will force you into the furthest corner away from Sakura and Naruto with himself. Even if he does not do much, he will want you to be near him always and not with the other two, ever.

~Many times, you are in a position where Sasuke is hovering over you, even preventing the other two from seeing you. That’s one reason he does this. The another reason is because he likes being handy and doesn���t want others to see his affectionate side that he only wants to show you. By handy I mean PDA. He would casually play with your hair, brush his thumb against your cheek, hold your hand, etc. He has been alone for so many years. The boy’s family is dead, he has no one. So, he is really touch-starved. That’s why whenever someone sees you next to him (which is always), he’s always touching you in someway.

~Attitude, haughty, passive-aggressive. Evidently, Sasuke is much nicer to you compared to how he treats everyone else. Anyone can see that. However, that does not mean you are immune to his patronizing remarks. If you ever try to go against what he says as in, try to protect him, or don’t let him protect you and keep an eye on you etc, he will start pointing out  little weakness you have as a ninja. He can become ruthless with his insults and bring tears to your eyes until you’re sobbing like the pathetic mess you are for even suggesting that you could survive without his protection.

~Easily gets jealous. Most likely, he will take his anger out on the person who induced his jealousy. However, if you act or even genuinely are oblivious to someone making a move on you and he sees that you’re not doing anything to stop them, he will be passive aggressive with you.

~Genin Sasuke at this stage would not be as mean as he would become in the future as he loses more and more of his insanity. And in terms of dealing with yanderes who patronize you to make you realise your place, Genin Sasuke is nowhere as bad as his future self, or Genin Neji.

Yandere Neji

~One word: ruthless.

~Genin Neji has an attitude and he is just so full of anger and blinded by ‘fate’ and his own supremacy.

~You are his. You were destined to be his. You belong to him. Don’t ever be stupid enough to try and fight your destiny because he has no issues drilling it into you if you try to refuse. He will use your worst insecurities to mock you and patronize you, and then mercilessly attack you and block all your chakra pressure points to hinder your movement to make you realise how helpless he can make you.

~If you behave and be his obedient little submissive, then Neji will be endearingly nice to you and spoil you a lot with tiny thoughtful presents. He will buy you pretty yukata’s that he thinks would just show off your beauty. He will buy you any books you want to read and read them out to you during your picnic ‘dates’ in a park.

~His favourite thing to do would be to buy pretty hair pins for you. I don’t know why, but I can just strongly picture a yandere Neji being somewhat obsessed with your hair and wanting it to look pretty. So, he would go out of his way to style it for you and gets you lots of different pretty pins you can wear. A new pin for a new day.

~Neji’s jealousy would work in two ways: sometimes, he doesn’t really care for whoever tries to make a move on your or takes your attention away from him. He is confident the fate you two are meant to share. He knows you belong to him, so he wouldn’t care enough to lose his temper or feel upset about it. He would still harm the person who dared to think they could have you though. Other times, his anger flares up and he will that person dead right away. And in moments like these, that is probably not enough to satiate his anger so he might punish you too.

(Not really part of this, but somehow I can kind off see a yandere Neji being a bit of an incel just because he’s from the Hyuga clan and they’re so traditional. So, Neji having the upbringing with concepts like women being inferior to men and all that traditional bs, doesn’t seem far-fetched tbh. And like, him thinking that you as his wife, should serve him and obey all his commands---)  uhhh, anyway, this thing is probably for another time ^^”  

[msevelynsilver]

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR ALL FOUR SEASONS OF BLACK SAILS AND ALL SEVEN SEASONS OF BUFFY + SEASON 1 OF ANGEL

I wonder what the level of overlap between these two fandoms is. I think it’s probably low and definitely should be higher.

One thing I can’t get out of my mind is the comparison between Buffy and Faith and Flint and Silver. There’s an especially good Buffy and Faith fan video that really inspired me to think about this, so I’ll leave the link below.

Amazing Buffy + Faith video: https://youtu.be/GpIHwrPhJyQ

But essentially both of these relationships have a friends-with-homoerotic-subtext-to-enemies-with-homoerotic-subtext story arc. And both play with the idea of morality, responsibility for others, the burden of power, and being/becoming the same person.

In Season 7 of Buffy, she becomes the leader of a group of young slayers and shoulders the responsibility of looking after that. But she is seen by the Potentials as cold and standoffish and as not having their best interests at heart. (Sound like anyone we know?). Faith then tries to take control of the girls and finds that it’s hard being first in command instead of second because you have to make the hard decisions and the people under you will resent you no matter what you choose.

Buffy says to Faith: “Whether you wanted it or not, their lives are yours.”

(I’m not bothering to look up episodes right now, but I have a near encyclopaedic knowledge of Buffy and I think this is 7.19 “Empty Places”.)

Does this not sound like something Flint would say to Silver? Silver, who as quartermaster was the better liked of the two but who had to shoulder more responsibility due to Billy’s creation of Long John Silver as a pirate king and who found that he didn’t like the role he was forced to play? Silver was responsible for the lives of all the men on the Walrus crew and while he liked the power it gave him, it also terrified him to have to account for and rely on people other than himself.

Here is more dialogue from Buffy. (Technically I think this is Angel 1.19 “Sanctuary”):

Buffy: “You told me I was just like you.”

Faith: “And you can’t stand that. You’re all about control. You have no idea what it’s like on the other side. When nothing’s in control, nothing makes sense. There’s just pain, and hate, and nothing you do means anything. You can’t even-“

Buffy: “Shut up!”

Re-read that but swap Buffy’s name for Flint’s and Faith’s for Silver’s. It’s not a perfect analogy. Buffy was created to be an expendable hero and Flint is seen as a pirate menace to society, so they face completely different issues regarding their role in the narrative. Faith and Silver do better. Both have relatively unspecified tragic backstories that turned them into cynical, self-serving people who are mistrustful of authority figures (Faith’s is never specified at least in-show, and I’m not taking comic book canon into account here because I’m not caught up). In particular, I think Faith’s line about “nothing you do means anything” is something Silver would agree with. I think if he had believed that Flint’s war could succeed and that they wouldn’t all end up dead, he would have followed Flint to the ends of the earth. But he thought that none of it would mean anything and that they didn’t have the power to effect that kind of change. It also might explain why he views his own past as story-less. Nothing you do means anything. I think he, like Faith, has experienced a complete loss of control over his circumstances and himself, and thus his story at some point in the past. It is their defined roles (quartermaster and slayer) which begin to give their life some shape and meaning, only to have it fall apart because of the burdens/limits of the role they are forced to take.

But my absolute favorite comparison comes from something Faith says to Buffy in season 3. (3.17 Enemies):

Faith: “What are you gonna do, B? Kill me? You become me. You’re not ready for that. Yet.”

Oh, the parallels. For context, if you haven’t seen the show, (and you should, it’s really good), Faith says this while she and Buffy are holding knives to each other’s throats. She then kisses Buffy on the forehead (like Judas did to Jesus) and runs away. The drama! The betrayal! The romantic subtext! The vague implications that Faith is a future version of Buffy who has lost her idealism and illusions about the world and that Buffy will one day sink to the same level of (perceived) villainy!

In this case I would flip it and say Faith is playing the role of Flint while Buffy is playing the role of Silver. Because in the end of Black Sails, isn’t this what happens? Silver kills Flint (literally/metaphorically depending on your interpretation), and in doing so assumes the role Flint had played. This is a man who has lost the two people who he loved most in the world to their dangerous idealism and who now shoulders the weight of being THE pirate in Nassau who society will brand as a monster. In killing Flint and releasing him from the torment of the ten years without Thomas (like a man waking from a long and terrible nightmare), Silver becomes Flint. He had already made so much of Flint’s mind his own and he kind of sacrifices himself so that Flint can live out his happy ending, knowing all the while that he won’t get his own (I know this is a generous reading of Silver, but I love him so I’m biased).

Faith and Buffy don’t get a story that is so neatly tied up because they’re not the two main characters. But Buffy develops a lot of Faith’s ideas about the inherent power of being a slayer (“There’s only me. I am the law”) and makes a lot of morally grey decisions that she probably would have condemned Faith for in her youth. (“Are you the bad slayer now? Am I the good slayer now?).

I need someone who’s talented at video editing to combine these two relationships because I’ve barely touched all the potential parallels (and the visual ones are so good as well!).

I feel like there’s also something to be said for “freedom in the dark” parallels in the two shows, especially with Spike and Buffy in season 6 but I haven’t thought it through and I would need to give a lot more thought to the implications of comparing society’s vilification of queer people and Buffy and Spike’s toxic straight relationship, which is nonetheless taboo for being a Slayer/vampire one.

[pinkjiminssi]

So.. About That Hickey..

I think I’m still processing all of this and reminding myself I’m not dreaming 🤣 I seriously only got 3 hours of sleep last night and when I woke up the first thing I did was check twitter to be sure this “drunk bridal-style spinning hickey neck biting proudly showing off” moment actually happened!! 

.. I hate the way my brain works though. I was so happy that it took me forever to fall asleep, spent all day on cloud 9 despite being tired, .. and then my old nemesis, anxiety, stepped in. Well kind of. TBH if all of the MOTS ON:E Jikook moments we got happened with Jimin/anyone else or Jungkook/anyone else.. I would seriously be sitting here saying “well fuck.. I believe they WERE a couple, but looking at all of this it seems they are no longer together.” So really, this just confirmed what I already knew about Jimin and Jungkook: they’re a couple. My anxiety is over.. why? Why show us this? If they can cover all of JK’s tattoos, a hickey/bite mark/whatever we’re calling it should be super easy to hide. Sure it was just rehearsal.. but it was rehearsal with cameras rolling with every intention of releasing what was being filmed as future content. It could have (and some might argue should have) been covered.

Guys... I’m confused. And concerned. ���❗❗ TW for drama, hate, homophobia, the usual anti issues

That “official” explanation.. again.. why? I’m assuming Jimin and Jungkook were asked and allowed to explain because of the chance of it being spotted and armys freaking out, so BH (or possibly even Jikook) thought to get ahead of the speculation by just being up front about it all.. but THAT explanation? I suppose it works for covering up the army panic of “Jungkook has a girlfriend?! *insert fangirl sobbing*” .. but that’s literally all it does (and only barely if you go looking at some of the anti’s reactions to it all). Really, all it did was draw even more attention and speculation. I mean.. this is, essentially, what we were told: Jimin and Jungkook were together the night before drinking, apparently without the other members as they didn’t seem to know all of this already (and they would have if they had been there), somehow hanging out and having drinks turns into Jungkook picking Jimin up bridal style (random but some of the k-army reactions on twitter were translating through google into “princess style” and I just think that’s so cute 🥰), spinning ensues, Jimin gets dizzy and wants Jungkook to put him down, ... and so he proceeds to do the only logical thing that any of us would have done in that situation... biting Jungkook’s neck? And hard enough to leave a mark the next day?? And instead of being peeved about it (like most of us would have been if our friend bit the crap out of us), Jungkook looks happy?? proud even??? 

And they arrived together the next day and continue to be cute and playful? 

I just.. I mean.. come on. First of all.. that’s a hickey. A bite leaves teeth marks. And one would assume a wild, drunken “let me down” chomp would be something that happens suddenly and ends very quickly. I know I for sure would drop someone on their ass if they decided to take a bite out of my neck (assuming I was even picking up and spinning around with one of my friends like that to begin with.. but let’s not even get into why that was going on at this point) .. but the way this bruised? Yeah. There were no teeth involved (at least not hard enough to leave indentations) and this took more than a couple of seconds of mouth-to-neck contact to still be that visible the next day. So.. in short. Jungkook arrives with a hickey, JK decides to not cover it up (or he would have shown up with it hidden and we see him get out of the car that morning with it clearly visible), BH staff sees it and also decides to not have it covered up and actually have it explained... and the explanation is “oh yeah Jimin just bit him, you know.. no big deal hehehe isn’t that funny?” 🤯 WHAT?! Yeah.. that’s totally normal, platonic behavior between adults...

I’m not saying Jimin and Jungkook are lying btw. I have no doubt it played out more or less exactly as they said with the exception of what they’re calling the end result. Jimin and Jungkook are fine.. I mean, what were they supposed to say? They’re not going to show up saying Jimin was sucking on Jungkook’s neck the night before. We’ll probably never know why Jungkook decided to not cover it up before arriving, but it’s his body and he gets to decide. It’s BH that has me so puzzled. Other than antis and people who refuse to see what’s literally right in front of their faces when it comes to Jikook.. who were BH expecting to believe the bite thing? Just among staff and the other members, it’s a laughable but safe “oh of course *wink wink*” explanation that allows everyone to carry on like normal. But to the public who don’t know them personally, don’t know their usual behavior and patterns, and who don’t have something like a non-disclosure agreement or professional courtesy preventing them from openly speculating.. it doesn’t fly. Pretty much everyone teen and up knows what a hickey looks like (either from having gotten/given one or at least seeing one on someone else in person or online). It’s immediately obvious what it is. And even if there was some uncertainty.. that it’s on his neck (instead of other easily accessible and less sensitive/stimulating locations) and just so happens to be right near his mole as it Jimin were aiming for it? Just another “too many coincidences” thing when it comes to Jikook.

Even antis on twitter couldn’t deny what it was and, so, had to resort to the “well I do that with my sibling and my uncle’s pet raccoon all the time it’s just family things” excuse and/or the “yeah well someone ELSE in the group (or a girlfriend) gave him that and they’re just covering by saying it was Jimin.” Oh. And the same old “it’s just fan service” excuse (as if Jungkook would let someone bruise his neck for the purposes of fanservice which, again, BTS has never done or needed to do. Forever pissed off that so many in this fandom act like Jungkook is a puppet doing whatever the “evil company” tells him to do regardless of his personal feelings or boundaries. The man has tattoos covering nearly every inch of his arm despite that being looked down on in Korea. At this point he can do whatever the fuck he wants). So.. why?? Seriously, why? This all could have easily been avoided with simple makeup.

When they’re doing official content they’re all literally followed around by a flurry of staff fixing hair, dabbing sweat, touching up makeup, etc. Even though it was rehearsal, staff were everywhere in the footage that’s made its way online. If they were worried that it would be seen in the background and “taken the wrong way,” just have the staff occasionally touch up the makeup. “Easy peasy lemon squeezy.” But instead of doing the obvious, BH decides to: not cover it, draw attention to it by asking about it and letting them continue to talk about it, go out of their way to get a camera on it, and then include it in the final cut of the content they sent out?

BTS is literally the most popular group in the world right now and BH has become a behemoth of a company that runs like a well-oiled machine. They’re not stupid; this was not a mistake. For some reason they wanted us to see this and, one would assume based on the lack of a more believable explanation, they wanted us to come to the conclusion that we all have: Jimin gave Jungkook a hickey. You know they have teams dedicated to monitoring reactions to content on social media. You know they know the dialog surrounding Rosebowl, Black Swan MMA, the Memories 2020 “almost kiss,” etc. etc. All of this got “jikook,” “hickey” and variations of their names trending for HOURS (in multiple countries and worldwide). 

Out of curiosity, I decided to check the trends at the time of writing this. As of 3 AM CST (about 24 hours AFTER the clips started showing up online), there was still a hashtag trending related to all of this: #FREEJUNGKOOK.. and the tweets being directed toward BH are.. disturbing to say the least:

While I agree that the boys should trend more often based on their talents and music.. what’s going on right now is a homophobic 💩 show accusing BH of “scripting” interactions (rather than.. you know.. Jungkook interacting with whoever he wants however he wants.. the usual “mindless puppet JK” narrative), trying to coordinate the mass sending of angry emails, trying to get people to stop buying paid content, accusing BH of taking advantage of the members.. I mean it goes on and on. And BH know what’s going on right now. They’re seeing the reactions... the good and the extremely negative. And still they let this out. And this is all not even CONSIDERING the mountain of other moments that made the cut on MOTS ON:E. 

(side note, the above pic just oozes happiness and it’s so cute I love it!! 😭)

So.. even though I’ve said it dozens of times already... WHY? W H Y? I’m an anxious person by nature and not very trusting. I believe Jimin and Jungkook and I don’t think they’ve been lying and pretending for “fanservice” all of these years. I respect them both too much as individuals and artists to believe that they would stoop to such tactics just to generate a little more “interest” and revenue. I’m suspicious of BH. BTS doesn’t need fanservice to get attention; literally all of 2020 and 2021 so far has proven that beyond a doubt. Even if they suddenly made the decision to do fs.. why not go with the most popular ship (taekook) or at least one that isn’t so hotly debated on social media (remove Jimin, Jungkook and Tae from the equation and you still have four members to “play” with who have much less potential to have fs devolve into a toxic crap show all over the internet). Showing us this will do nothing to help BTS as a group or Jimin and Jungkook at this point. In fact.. all it can do is hurt. Hurt BH, hurt the group, and hurt the individual members, heck.. even potentially hurt other BH/HYBE groups. I’ve already seen people on twitter saying they’re “done” spending money on anything BH or BTS puts out because they’re “sick of jikook in their faces and just two of the seven hogging all of the screen time.” Whether or not that “spending freeze” actually materializes into anything noticeable remains to be seen of course.. but the threat is there and always has been. What is the motive? And why now? As much as my “hopeless romantic” heart would like to believe they’re preparing us for Jikook to be “out” .. I seriously don’t think that is ever going to happen. Certainly not now at the height of the group’s fame, with them being given Presidential honors and ambassador status, and with military service still looming over them all. And let’s not forget... Korea is NOT a safe place for a queer couple. Letting us see and know what they did through what was released has the potential to put Jimin and Jungkook (and the other members by proxy) in danger. Sure.. BTS has never been hardline rule followers and have been breaking molds and shattering norms from the start, so “officially” having an openly gay couple in the group wouldn’t be impossible.. just... highly highly improbable. Especially right now... and I’m concerned. I don’t want to sound like the creeps I posted a screenshot of above throwing blame at the company. The boys chose to renew their contracts with the for a reason so we have to trust their judgement as a group... but still, I’m worried and I’m questioning what the purpose was here. 

[radramblog]

What happened to Dirk in Homestuck^2?

Why am I doing this to myself.

I memed a little yesterday when I was posting that article around social medias about Homestuck jokes, because once again we are in lockdown and I am therefore Stuck at Home. Canned laughter goes here. But there’s a topic related to the comic- or more specifically, its aborted sequel, Homestuck^2, that I’m interested in delving into a little bit. I’m going to avoid talking about spoilers as much as possible, but considering said comic takes place not only after the events of the massive sprawl that is Homestuck but also the more linear but still messy Epilogues, some amount of sus shit is inevitable.

Anyway. Much maligned is what the Epilogues and 2 did to everyone’s favourite decapitation target, Dirk Strider, and I have a theory as to why it happened this way.

To begin with, let’s summarise what and who Dirk is through the course of the comics. Fair warning from me, though, it’s been a while since I read through this.

Dirk Strider is a teenager who grew up in a post-apocalyptic future Earth, completely devoid of physical contact with other people and only really ever gets to talk to 3 other people, only one of whom is in anything remotely resembling a relatable situation. He struggles with self-identity, having created numerous robots including an artificial intelligence based on his own brain, aka Lil’ Hal. He’s somewhat of a control freak, and a bit of a cold aloof asshole, but means well, and is pretty gay. NBD. The kinda guy to set up a plan meticulously and thoroughly, not informing any of the moving parts even if said parts are his friends, and often involving some form of self-sacrifice.

Throughout the comic he further reckons with self-identity problems and his own self-loathing including entering a relationship with Jake which doesn’t go well and he eventually breaks off since he knows his overbearing and manipulative behaviour is Not Cool and Pretty Toxic but doesn’t know how to shut it off. Eventually he reaches the God Tier as a Prince of Heart, gaining the power to literally annihilate souls, which he never actually uses since he gets yeeted into deep (Paradox) space and then everything goes to shit. Except none of that happens because of the Retcon (aside from the God Tier bit) and we don’t actually see how that shit progressed in the canon timeline. I think. Dirk’s arc, as it were, doesn’t really come full circle- while he does assist in Dave’s character…growth? he really isn’t the focus of that conversation. This immediately precedes the action climax and there isn’t literally any dialogue after that so that’s what we’re left with.

I like Dirk in Homestuck a lot. It’s hard not to, considering the flashes heavily featuring him (Unite/Synchronise and Prince of Heart: Rise Up) are genuinely excellent, along with many of his music themes being absolute bangers. He gets to interact with Caliborn a lot, with a pretty great banter, there, and the whole splintered personality thing is a really interesting hook for a character. I think he’s my favourite of the Alpha kids, a controversial pick considering I know everyone loves Roxy so much. I think, I’m not as in tune with the fandom as that statement implies I am.

And then the Epilogues/Homestuck 2 came.

Now I read the Meat half of the epilogues first, but that’s more interesting, so we’ll tackle Candy first (this is going to get real confusing for those who haven’t read this comic, huh).

In Candy, Dirk almost immediately kills himself, citing the irrelevance of the timeline as cause, an act considered by whatever mechanism governs God Tier deaths to be Just because he hates himself (and also bc of things we’ll get into), so it actually sticks. This isn’t super relevant for the discussion, but that’s just kinda so unbelievably fucked up? Entirely? I’d imagine if you read Candy first you might get entirely turned off by this, which I’m sure a lot of people did.

Meat is where the, well, meat of post-canon Dirk is. You see, a concept very quickly introduced in the tail end of the original comic is the Ultimate Self, an idea where you somehow encompass every different timeline iteration or alternate version of yourself. This was pretty clearly tacked on to make it so characters whose arcs all happened in the retcon timeline could have their not getting an actual arc explained away, but it didn’t land then and it sure doesn’t land for me now. Anyway, in Meat, Dirk becomes his ultimate self, making him near-omniscient and able to control the fabric of the story himself- for much of this story, he is the narrator. And he uses this power to fuck with all his friends really distressingly without their knowledge (or consent), including breaking up a marriage, in order to further his own goals which largely appear to be just keep the story going so to not fade out of relevance. It’s a plot that makes no sense with his previous characterisation, but I guess now that he’s the Ultimate Self he’s a different person? But I liked old Dirk, and I don’t like New Dirk. He’s a villain now, but he made a much better anti-hero.

But this would be fine if he (or the epilogues, or Homestuck^2) were written well. But they aren’t. Dirk’s dialogue is long, painfully drawn out, with tangents that tend to amount to pure wank, misused literary references and pointless metaphors that go on and on, filling the screen with a bright orange screed that hurts to look at as much as it does to comprehend. It’s not fun. And we’ve seen Dirk communicate before, obviously, the story of Homestuck is built around chatlogs, but it wasn’t like this. He was sarcastic, dryly witty, blunt at times. Even when he was literally talking to a different version of himself it didn’t get that masturbatory.

I was so confused about what the hell happened to Dirk, because I had no idea what the hell someone writing this character was thinking when they turned him into this. And then, the 21st page of Homestuck^2 dropped.

And it all came together.

What Ultimate Dirk and Terezi are referring to is Pony Pals: Detective Pony, a children’s book about some girls who hang out with ponies and solve a mystery. It’s a real book, buy it for your 5-year-old.

Except they’re not referring to that, they’re referring to the Homestuck Canon version of Detective Pony- a birthday gift from Dirk to Jane, heavily edited and to be much more obscene and eventually developing into it’s own story, stated to be “tough, emotionally draining, but cathartic in all the worst ways possible”.

Except the quote “Remember Longcat, Jane?” and references to philosophy, dead languages, and ancient earth culture aren’t referring to the three pages of the Dirk-edited Detective Pony we see in the actual comic itself. That quote doesn’t appear there.

That image is from Detective Pony, by Sonnetstuck- the 40,000 word fanfiction from 2014 that serves as a completed version of Jane’s copy of the book. An expansion of what we see in canon. And it’s a tough, emotionally draining read, but cathartic in all the worst ways possible.

It’s a very good fanfiction.

In the later bits of Detective Pony, we can start to see the origins of what would become Ultimate Dirk’s signature style of writing. Long blocks of rambling text, orange dripping down the page, references to philosophy and history and language that go on and on. And it probably does look familiar to those who read the Epilogues and ^2. 

But there are a couple of key differences here. First of all, it’s just better written? The way these rambles circle back on themselves is so excellent, the absolute absurdity of this being written on top of a pony book for little girls, the humour (beyond some of the more immature stuff), it’s just a really well-written piece of fiction. Hell, you don’t even need to be familiar with the character of Dirk to enjoy it. It’s a harrowing piece, but it’s also self-aware- because it’s not supposed to be tough, draining, cathartic etc. just for Jane- it’s clearly that for Dirk himself.

The second part is, of course, that this is a fanfiction. It’s not canon, it’s not official, this is by someone who really likes Dirk for people who really like Dirk. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, so if you bounce off it (and I’m sure a lot did), then you don’t have to keep reading it, it’s fine, thanks for playing. As much as Homestuck^2 tried to doll itself up as “dubiously canon” it’s still the official continuation of the story, and that means if it’s as difficult to get into as Detective Pony, that’s going to be a problem for a lot of people.

The other part of it is that Detective Pony’s exploration of Dirk’s character is, well, in character. When the man himself steps in as a character in his own book, the explorations of what he is as an author, who he is as a person, make perfect sense for what we see of him at the start of the comic. He is that manipulative, blunt person, and he is aware of his faults. He’s the kind of person to hide a lamentation on his own failings inside an impenetrable maze of a story layered on top of a book about fucking ponies. Ultimate Dirk does not act like Dirk, outside of the “manipulator” angle, something that Dirk was aware of and trying to improve in the comic. But I guess people don’t have arcs, right?

It’s so interesting to see the seeds of Homestuck^2 laden within Detective Pony- because the meta angle that and the epilogues take is also represented in said fanfiction. While the nature of canon is a facet of the work, the idea of authors and narrators fighting for control of a story, different ideas in mind for the characters, one being more personally connected to them than the other, it’s all there. When I wrote about Fallout 4 in the past, I mentioned being worried that Bethesda took the wrong lessons from Skyrim- seeing something successful and trying to recapture that lightning in a bottle. I think Homestuck^2 is an extreme example of this- the writers of the comic saw Sonnetstuck’s masterwork and thought, yeah that’s great, we can do that. But they just can’t. And with the comic crashed and burning, the probably won’t ever get a chance to. Dirk is forever stuck as this amalgamation of himself that looks nothing like any individual version of him ever did.

At least we will still have Detective Pony, and many other excellent fanworks, for actually good Dirk content. I admittedly haven’t looked into much fanfic written during/post-epilogues, and I’m kind of afraid of what I’ll see- I can only hope the fanbase didn’t take the same wrong lessons as the official team did.

[impracticaljokers]

I don't think it's toxic so much as just incredibly inactive and that makes ppl antsy, particularly for drama of any kind, so some ppl just invent some lol. Even the Reddit threads are pretty dead these days, sadly. I think the fella's as jokers time might be up soon, but I'm sure they're all ready to move on to other things anyway. Saw them (except Sal) live at Jiggy's show last night and Joe looks good, but Q and Murr are looking quite a bit older and less energetic, it was kind of a shock tbh 😕.

Yeah, that seems plausible as well. The fandom is slowly becoming less and less active, at least on social media. I still love the guys and the show, but I agree that it may not have the same hype as it used to. I’m glad to see they are all kind of doing their own things in addition to the show. Makes me hopeful that they’ll still keep busy and continue being creative even if the show ends in the near future.

[solastia]

Author Interview : underthejoon

((If anyone wants to make a cool banner for this, please do. I suck at them))

Today is the debut of a new project. Whether it sticks around for long depends on you guys, but for now the plan is to interview one author a month. Creators are often underappreciated on here (or anywhere, for that matter), so this is me doing my part to connect our readers and writers in a meaningful way. Our first interview is with @underthejoon​, someone whose work I myself have enjoyed for many years now. If you enjoyed this interview, please be sure to send in authors you’d like me to talk to for future editions, as well as any specific questions you’d like answered (except for questions about updating, that will get you a ban). 

Where can your work be found?

I’m kind of a mess and so while I attempt to cross post, I’m not always great at it. All of my work can be found on my tumblr masterlist but some of my things are on Wattpad and AO3. I’m also underthejoon on both of those platforms.

Links to where readers can donate:

I made a ko-fi account ages ago that I never shared with the public because I’ve always felt guilty. Which is silly, idk why I do. But there it is!

Main bias (and why if you’d like) 

So!! I have always been a Namjoon bias. From the very first time I saw them/the very first song I heard I was like yes, you. You are the one, I’m a goner!! He’s so wonderful and unique. He’s very mindful and creative and such a beacon of light to me. Plus, he’s very open with his humanity, if that makes sense? Like he is open about his therapy, his feelings about his perceived shortcomings, his excitement about finding place and things and works of art that inspire him. ALSO THOUGH, in the last year or so I’ve also become a Hoseok bias. He is just so dedicated and loving. He’s insanely talented and vastly underrated, in my opinion. And through all the back breaking work, he is kind through and through. He’s seriously just so warm and makes me really happy.

Hogwarts House : 

Okay, the very first time I ever took it I was a slytherin. A few years later, I took it again and got hufflepuff. I like to think I’m a combination of the two but can see myself as more of a puff. 

Describe yourself in five words:

Creative, Extroverted, Empathetic, Intuitive, Inquisitive 

Current favorite BTS songs: 

SO MANY, but I’ll pick 7 for 7 members. Some of these are old as hell but still currently my favorite lol. Love Maze, Love is Not Over, Outro: Her, Dimple, Tomorrow, Like, 2!3!

What was the defining moment when you decided, “Yes! I am going to write the thing!”? 

For like fanfic in general? I feel like I had been reading a lot of it after “discovering” k-pop and then after a few months I was just like fuck it, I’m doing it!! I was always super into writing poetry and never thought I would be any good at anything like this but it sounded fun so here we are now. 

What do you most enjoy about writing BTS fanfiction specifically? 

I think it’s the community of writers. When I started my blog, I met a lot of really amazing supportive writers that I’ve managed to stay friends with and I think that makes a really big difference when you have people that can relate to you and what you’re doing.

Any tropes or au’s that you want to explore later? 

I would really like to try writing some sort of supernatural creature fics. I’ve had this werewolf love triangle universe planned out forever that I would like to eventually write. Maybe like a workplace romance? 

Which of your fics would you suggest for new readers? 

For a completed series i’d say Piece by Piece. My WIP series, Love is Not Over is another one. For a one-shot I’d say, For You. Maybe the sweetness/make it right drabbles too. 

Which of your fics is your favorite? 

Piece by Piece, no doubt. I really feel proud of it and I have a hard time admitting I like anything I write. 

What other fandoms do you wish you had the time to write for? 

I used to write for EXO, Got7 and sometimes Monsta X and I miss it sometimes but also, I feel pretty contented in just writing for BTS. There’s a lot of inspiration there and I always felt I was being pulled in too many directions by my readers when I wrote for multiple fandoms.

What are your writing goals for the upcoming year? 

I’d like to finish three series I have planned, get caught up on my collab fics and at least finish an outline for my original fiction piece I’ve been putting off!

Which writers do you read religiously? 

There’s so many amazing writers on tumblr and I try as hard as I can to keep up with my mutuals when they put stuff out but sometimes it’s hard! I’m gonna be really brief because otherwise my list could go on and on. Okay, first and foremost, Shanna (@kpopfanfictrash) - she’s my best friend and a fabulous, wonderful writer. I would just like to give her a special shout out because not only does she entertain me for hours with her writing, she is very supportive of mine. Other authors I adore as humans and content creators and keep up with most regularly are @floralseokjin and @lamourche !

What is the weirdest thing you’ve had to google in the name of writing?

LOL. Hmm… I’m really boring and feel like I don’t really google that much when writing except maybe like different sex positions when i need a visual or synonyms to certain words. I’ve found some good porn though? Because visuals do help me.

Reader/OC fics within this fandom are often still looked down on and we all have to work hard to make them good enough for readers to look past their reputation. How do you combat the cringe? 

TBH, I don’t think that responsibility lies on us as writers. If people don’t like certain types of writing, that’s on them and they can avoid it. Reader insert/oc fics are just as valid a genre as any. I’ve read some of the most beautiful, creative stories on this platform, some of which could be published if names were changed/reader was switched to a named OC. There’s something out there for everyone and it’s all subjective. While I might find certain things super cringey, others love it. To each their own as long as they aren’t shoving it in the faces of the people they’re writing about or being disrespectful, you know?

What is your personal guilty (or not-so-guilty) pleasure trope? 

MUTUAL PINING/FRIENDS TO LOVERS. I feel like it’s so basic but I fucking love that trope and I think so many people do it so beautifully it is my absolute favorite. 

What is something that you see often in other fanfics that drives you insane? 

I think the only thing that really bothers me is when people romanticize abuse or other toxic/triggering topics. 

Are any of the boys or ships more difficult for you to write than others? 

I think I have the hardest time writing for Jimin and Taehyung but only because I feel I am the most similar to them and for whatever reason that deters me from writing about them often.

We all think we are the most hilarious person there is (even if we won’t admit it), so what is one line or scenario of yours that you like to go back to and giggle over? 

Okay this was actually really difficult for me because I don’t write like any humor and don’t think I’m good at LOL. I think my only attempt at humorous writing was The New Guy in which the reader is high off her ass lying on the front lawn and thinking the world is ending then accusing Namjoon of being the Grim Reaper when he comes looking for her.

ONLY IF YOU WANT TO - A scenario as long or short as you want. Maybe 250 words or less. Godzilla is attacking the city and BTS is your rescue crew. How screwed are you? 

“D-danger, you say?” Seokjin stutters.

“G-giant lizard monster headed this way?” Hoseok chokes. 

The pair exchange glances then turn their focus towards you. Seokjin jerks his head towards the door and you nod in return. 

“I hear what you’re saying, gentlemen,” Hoseok says as he stands on shaky legs. He grabs your hand as if to instruct you to do the same. 

“And as much as we would LOVE to help you…” His grip is tighter now and you know what comes next. 

Before he can finish, Seokjin shoots up from his chair and makes a mad dash towards the door. “Now, now, run, holy shit, NOW!”

Hoseok joins his friend in his haste to evacuate, dragging your nearly petrified form behind him. “No way in hell are we getting anywhere near that thing!”

Seokjin and Hoseok babble horrified nonsense between them but you can’t really decipher much of it. Your heart is pounding in your ears as you replay the name “Godzilla” in your brain.

They wanted you to rescue the city? What were they thinking?

When you reach Seokjin’s car, you have a brief moment of clarity. There are lives at stake, after all. How can you really just abandon the city when it needs a hero?

“What about everybody else?” you ask, voice small and fearful.

“Everybody else?” Seokjin huffs, putting the car in gear. He hardly gives your question a thought before he peels out of the parking lot. “Jungkook can handle everybody else. I raised him on my back, you know? It’s the least he can do!”

[eye-of-enigmatic-thought]

2019, a retrospective to this year and decade

Long post in-comin’

I’m gonna be honest, I’m not really sure how to describe this year and by extension, this decade, I guess that’s to be expected in a way, so many things can happen in 365 or more days to the point of a information overload, but I suppose the best way to describe this year was ‘complicated yet also stale’. Not much happened in the beginning aside from therapy and support group appointments, which were pleasant albeit I don’t remember much from them aside from drawings I’ve done that I showed to the other members, nothing of significance happened that I can recall during the middle of the year, and around near the end I took part in art therapy groups that I managed to make a few friends out of (though I sadly don’t chat with them often), at September I was beginning to try and get into college after being out of education for a year and managed to enrol (though court issues made me miss the first five weeks that I had to quickly catch up to), most of my memories of this year actually came from college.

College has been going good, so far! I have been learning a lot and my tutors are very kind, of course it can get stressful due to the long days I have and also due to some of my more rowdier peers, but I’ve managed to also befriend a few others that I am very happy to have met. Currently I’m in my break and I will use it to advantage as much as I can to post as much art as I can.

Also, I’ve just recently been exploring my gender, and well, I’m now transmasc rather than a demigirl, I still go by whatever pronoun and still see myself as nonbinary, but I am more masculine leaning now? I guess I might be a ‘demiboy’ but I still feel a bit more ‘fluid’ than that, sooo... masculine leaning demifluid? I dunno, but overall I’m not a girl anymore! :D

Rebirth is still being rewritten, admittedly I haven’t been focusing entirely on it due to some things in the way, but some of that is now gone so really my only enemy is my lack of motivation and poor time management, but even times where I’m not writing and/or editing the rewrite I’m still thinking of how I want certain scenes to go or what things I want the characters to say, so it’s still being worked on! I do feel incredibly bad that I haven’t been doing a lot of my Undertale-related stuff lately or even attempting to at least finish off the HS’ blog’s first arc (I at LEAST wanna finish that arc before I go on a official hiatus to fully know what to do with it), but you can rest assured that I have NOT forgotten about it and I do want to continue on with it, I guess that’s probably one of my goals for 2020, ‘more Undertale fanart’, yes, good, very good, mwahahahaha.

And now, a little something more personal, mostly in regards to this decade as a whole. Warning for mentions and discussions of pedophilia, bullying, suicide, and trauma for the next three or so paragraphs.

(Warning starts here)

My memories from around the beginning of this decade are hazy, but very notable, I’m not going to sugarcoat it by saying that from 2010-2013 were some of my worst years of my life, I was only 11-14 around this time, but when I wasn’t going through awful bullying at school that the teachers did nothing about, I would come back home to a toxic friend circle on DeviantArt that was filled with constant irrelevant drama and some REALLY creepy adults that would do smut rps with the minors in our group. Thankfully I never was a victim of this due to mostly staying in my corner and didn’t interact with others much, but I saw it happen to many of the other minors in said group, it left me disturbed but I rationalised it by thinking it was just some ‘teenager thing’ that I was too young for (because I was a little cretin that lied about my age and said I was 13 when I was really 11 when I first signed up haha), it was only when I was late into being 17 I realised ‘Oh my god the people who I called my friends and RP’d with were pedophiles and groomed the other minors what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck’. 

This whole shitty ordeal with that dA friend circle and the constant bullying I went through in secondary school were so bad that it literally led me to have a suicide attempt at the age of 13, I survived of course, and I’m really glad I did, because I wouldn’t have met friends that through them I would manage to get away and abandon the old dA group because ‘fuck you guys I have BETTER FRIENDS NOW!’ Unfortunately all of that dA friend circle are now deactivated or are no longer active with all the evidence deleted so there’s no use making a callout or name dropping any of them or even searching for the other minors in attempt to rekindle with them (and I don’t think my heart would be able to handle it in that regard...), but I did find out that one of them who was a pedophile apologist at one point commissioned a ton of Darkrai pregnancy porn with one of it being fucking mpreg, so I can at least get a laugh from that shit, doubt she’s reading this but if you are... 

You may be gone, but your darkrai mpreg porn will live on FOREVER... Forever for ME to laugh at!!! >8DDD  So anyway get rekt and suck my non-existent dick you fucking creep.

(Warning ends here)

Phew alright, all that nasty stuff out of the way...   2014 was where things began to improve, I had moved secondary schools and I switched from a mainstream to a specialist school for other autistic children and I found the people who would become my closest friends, through one of them I also got a tumblr blog, and when Undertale came around (so late 2015 to around 2016 when the fandom was most active), through it’s fandom I managed to gain really kind and lovely friends that I love dearly, it’s somewhat strange to me, in the beginning since childhood I never had any close friends and the only ‘close’ ones I had were ones that either kept me around out of pity (because I was a awkward autistic kid), kept me around to constantly bully and push my buttons, or (in this case with the dA friend circle) were potential predators that I thankfully was never THAT close to, and actual close ones I lost contact with too quickly, to this day I’m so thankful for these friends and I dunno if they’d be comfortable with me namedropping them here, but if you’re reading this, you know who you are <333.

I of course had rough patches throughout the years, recovery from my traumas wasn’t easy and I was constantly having issues with pretty much everything from my mental health problems to environmental factors that were out of my control, I’m not going to go into detail on this one because this post is long enough already, but I am much better now than how I was when I was younger, I still have a long way to go, but I have definitely improved and I hope I can still improve, hell, I’ve even improved my art! Wanna see an example?

I drew this back in 2011 on mspaint on a mouse! Yeah! Can you believe that? Whilst to me my art right now isn’t exactly ‘artist goals’ I have definitely improved a lot since!! And I’ll keep on improving forever because that’s what this decade was like anyway! I’m not sure what the future holds, but I want to set these goals for next year:

Create more digital art Finish my unfinished short comic ideas and parodies Continue to chip away at Rebirth’s rewrite and finish Hissterical Scientist’s first arc. Work on my original stuff Continue to improve my mental health Get proper time management skills Learn to do commissions (I be gettin munz lol) Thank you to all my friends and family who have helped support me and stuck by me throughout all these years, I am so happy I get to spend a life with you and I hope we’ll continue to go through the future together, you mean so much to me and I can’t say thank you enough. Thank you to any followers who have sticked by me for so long and if you’re new, I hope we’ll make memories together! 

Onward and upward, and leave behind the pain! <3

[bettycrocker]

sorry but if your going to support 2nu shippers by reblogging their art and just ignoring their shipping preferences, that makes you just as bad as them :////

why because i’m not going out of my way to block every single person who ships something i dont ship?? because i’m not actively and openly bashing people (who might be minors mind you) on my tumbler.corn blog as though i’m saying something new or amazing??? because i’m not reblogging the artwork with “OH MY GOD YOURE A PEDOPHILE FOR SHIPPING THIS YOURE DISGUSTING BLOCKED AND REPORTED” commented on it in an attempt to humiliate the artist to force them to stop just doing something they don’t realize could be harmful to others?????? its almost like the people who draw these ships are just participating in the fandom in their own way and don’t see 2nu to be as harmful as others say it to be.

yeah, i’ve had 2nu shippers come into my askbox and harass me before but like???? should i really let it get under my skin when they were too much of a pussy to actually get off anon and say what they wanted to say to my fucking face??? hell no, they’re probably just some kid who got overexcited with seeing my writing and wanted me to write something for their ship and got upset when i said it made me uncomfortable. which is understandable, because this fandom has a really weird shipping hierarchy that needs to fucking stop because these are fictional characters whether you want to believe it or not. they cannot be effected by the decisions a child makes, only jamie and damon can make anything that happens in gorillazverse canon. until people learn to accept that, there’s gonna be shipping drama all the fucking time even though none of the canon characters are ever going to get together. it’s been 20 years, if it hasn’t happened yet it’s never going to happen unless jamie is revealing himself to be the fucking king of slowburning storylines.

while we all know that noodle isn’t comfortable with being shipped with her family (ie, the band) funnily enough that isnt going to stop people who are drawing non-canon fanart for something they think looks cute together!!! i could scream HETERONORMATIVITY or PEDOPHILIA or CHILD ABUSE when i see the ship but i don’t. instead i fucking ignore it because i have the ability to do that as a fucking human being who can make rational decisions instead of typing before i think. we are all capable of not typing something, you have to make an effort to move your hands and do something. it’s not like youre talking and you just randomly blurt out something offensive. you, as a human being who can think and make rational decisions with just a little bit of effort, can absolutely just scroll past the image and not give it another thought.

most artists usually become even more discouraged when their artwork is ignored and they’ll eventually stop drawing what theyre drawing. however, negative attention is still attention. some people enjoy that kind of attention and will keep doing what they see makes others notice their work. it gets their work notice and recognition and spreads it to other people who support that kind of thing, believe it or not. while i’m not saying 2nu shippers are seeking out negative attention, i’m more or less saying giving them any kind of attention is just feeding a mentality of “i’m getting recognized, i should keep doing this!!!”

it’s also a case of them forming some kind of subconscious spite toward the people who are constantly telling them theyre not allowed to do something, so they keep doing it in order to push the fact that they don’t share the same views as others. ignoring it is the best option when it comes right down to it because youre not feeding the artist positive or negative attention. it wouldn’t completely wipe out 2nu shippers but it would end up discouraging a lot of artists from creating something that isn’t getting attention on its own merits and eventually conform into the art and shipping ideals tumblr has. but thats a whole other tangent on the lacking of self-awareness tumblr, a community that calls out toxicity on a daily basis, has.

basically what i’m saying is grow the fuck up and just ignore the parts you don’t like instead of bullying others in order to push some fake-ass agenda you have. stirring shit up doesn’t fix anything, learning how to stand your ground and show youre not going to tolerate something you find offensive in a non-aggressive way is the key to a far more peaceful and open community. y’all wonder why the fuck this community overall is so dead or the tag is so slow or it’s like a taboo to talk about shipping in servers or just in general; it’s for petty ass reasons like this, this nasty mentality of “i’ll bully them until they go away” that you all have come to the conclusion of. i want no part of it because i’m willing to have self-control online rather than letting my frustration get the better of me. there’s literally no reason to single an individual out just because you don’t like their fucking shipping preferences. just ignore them like the fucking adult you either are or are going to be in the very near future.

tl;dr: shut up and unfollow me all ready i dont need your petty, childish bullshit bullying and genuine toxicity in my life.

[kendrixtermina]

There’s actually science on that. 

Bullying, to me, is the best proof that childhood innocence is bullshit and humand cannot be inherently good  - I wouldn’t say they’re bad, either; They contain the seeds & tools for many survival strategies & are first & foremost programmable; Good institutions & environments can promote the good, the opposite can promote the bad. 

But since it is a seeminly inevitable ‘mechanical’ behavior, it is subject to biology & can be studied... and HAS been. 

Researchers found that bullying occurs under the following circumstances: 

Everyone lives in close quarters and is subject to the same authority

Activities are carried out together, everyone does the same tasks

Activities are rigidly sheduled towards the day

There are systems of explicit, formal rules imposed by an authority

Basically, Authority plus Unrelated People Crammed Together equals bullying (and also, authority abuse)

You’re probably already thinking of Prisons, Schools, certain workplaces etc. 

But the defining factor is not only a low ratio of leaders/authorities to subordinates, but the fact that people are stuck with each other. 

I’ve always wondered “Why don’t bullies mind their own business instead of expending energy to harass their victims?”, but the answer to this may well be that they don’t have enough opportunity. If you can’t vent your agression & bottle it off, it will come out; And then you have the comformist bully. Peole who become conformists are often sensitive to external expectations & feedback, that is, it is harder to ignore the weird kid in the corner doing something mildly annoying ot puzzling to them, in close quarters, they feel pressured to react somehow.... especially children, who have less impulse control and are more ruled by their animal nature. 

I’m not saying that it excuses these people on a moral, individual level, but from a systemic perspective, especially where young people are involved, society has some obligation to teach good behavior, not set people up to fail. Much better than punishing bullies is to not create them in the first place and put out well-adjusted adults. 

There are alternative school forms that are organized in such ways that kids can leave to cool off or get some alone time whenever they want, which puts kids of different levels & abilities together instead of creating sorted groups, and make it so that they can work together in self-chosen groups of people with similar interests, and in those places, bullying is nonexistent. 

You can do the same with workplaces, there are many examples. Basically keep rigidity, hierarchy &  forced togetherness as at a necessary minimum, like you would other work hazards. 

Just like you can prevent your cat from scratching your furniture by giving it scratch toys, you can design institutions & facilities such that humans don’t bully. When I found this out it made me so angry. If we have this knowledge, why isn’t it use? It’s like finding out theres a vaccine for a disease that disfigured your face! 

Probably for the same reason we still use fossil fuels and non-biodegradable plastics: Change is expensive & the capitalists would rather keep making $$ in the near future. Also, change means that the top dogs might also change. 

So what has all of this to do with the internet?

Well, look at how it has changed in the past 10 years: What used to be scattered across multitudes of homepages and forums is now strongly clustered on just a few handful of social media websites owned by big companies. 

In other words: Concentrated Authority + Being Crammed Together = Toxicity. 

In the olden days, if you didn’t like the content, you could go somewhere else. Ships had dedicated fanshrines that collected fanworks. Most of the time, people didn’t see very much shit they didn’t google for.  Today, everything is densely concentrated a certain fandom will be in a few subreddits, hashtags or tags. 

This is probably also where you get echo chambers as an attempt to “go somewhere else to cool off” in the current system/ be away from things that irritate you. But it makes a big difference if the ppl who dislike something take a stroll in the woods or just leave, or if they’re just all crammed together in their own place, leading to poralization and crab bucket mentality. 

Users have a lot less control than they used to. So those with sensitivities or below average impulse control take it out on the vulnerable, or whoever’s available

You know when some asshole puts too many animals in an unsuitable enclosure and they get scared and start hurting each other? That's what queer community spaces on the Internet are like.

[freedom-of-fanfic]

do you think many/most of the teenage antis will grow out of it, or at least mellow down some as they get older? or do we need to be bracing ourselves for a generation of adults who think and act this way?

I do think that a lot of anti-shippers will eventually ‘outgrow’ the aggressive, cruel behavior that defines anti-shipping as a toxic culture, or stop being active in fandom hate circles. however, I also expect most of them won’t outgrow the underlying principles that shape anti-shipping understanding of the world, and I think we’ll have fresh anti-shipper crops every year until fandom lands on a website that allows proper space segregation again.

Like: most people will leave because the energy and emotion involved in engaging in a hate campaign can only be sustained by certain people in certain situations: 

young people with relatively large amounts of time and large amounts of energy* who feel they have a personal stake in the cause

righteous anger addicts (superiority complex)

people who continue to be in traumatizing situations/don’t advance in trauma recovery and find generating control through fear in some other part of their life deeply cathartic

people who gain external benefits, such as: friends, popularity, social control, money

in worst case scenarios: recruiting potential abuse targets

people who live for drama and chaos (internet trolls, for example)

It’s exhausting to be so angry all the time, so unless there’s a near-endless wellspring of energy - usually sourced in some emotional feed off the hatred, venting pain sourced in something else, or another external benefit - it just can’t be kept up forever.

but honestly a lot of the underlying principles of anti culture are proliferating (in Western culture at least) on a much wider scale, and have been for a long time - a couple of decades at least: 

prioritization of safety over personal freedom: any freedom is worth giving up if it will protect you from harm. (helicopter parents care more about their child’s safety than their independence, for instance.) anything that might cause someone to feel unsafe under any circumstances must not just be warned for, but censored and/or (preferably) destroyed.

(my) emotions are the same as facts: intellectual honesty and true respect takes a back seat to making sure you personally feel comfortable. it doesn’t matter if something is logical or effective; if it feels right to you, it’s true. 

ignorance is safe: once you find an ideological authority that makes you feel comfortable, trust that authority to be truthful and to have your best interests at heart.exploration beyond what is taught to you can be dangerous, and what you don’t know can’t hurt you. censoring danger is a better protection against future injury than educating about danger; learning about outside ideas is unnecessary and may taint you.

the belief of being oppressed and constantly under attack no matter how privileged/equal your situation actually is: this is partially motivated by the feeling that the world’s resources are finite (sort of) and definite (no) and anything that used to be for you alone going to others as well is taking away from you. even if nothing is actually taken away. (the ‘War on Christmas’, anyone?)

the aim to censor or stamp out the voice of dissent: disagreement is form of aggression and hurt, no matter their substance. therefore opinions that aren’t exactly like your own can’t just be refuted: they need to be silenced and destroyed. by any means necessary.

you’re always right, everyone else is always wrong: your position is the only good one. every other ideological opinion is utter garbage with no redeeming qualities. compromise is absolutely impossible. (and anyone who holds those opinions is no better than a literal monster.)

us vs. the world, toxic edition: people who have a different opinion from your group reached that opinion by looking at things from your own POV and deciding ‘I choose evil.’ therefore all of the positions they hold that hurt you and your own are malicious and specifically aimed at hurting you, as opposed to a side effect of ignorance or self-prioritization.

We’re already in a world where adults think this way. the above attitudes promote extreme partisanship, hostility, stereotyping, dehumanization of others, valuing ideological purity over practicality, anti-intellectualism, and tribalism.

Basically, it’s a situation ripe for authoritarianism to take hold. and it has taken hold, especially in the US Republican party, and it’s … well. Bad. and if that wasn’t bad enough, the current social climate makes it deeply tempting to fight fire with fire, promising to replace bad authoritarian leadership with good authoritarian leadership. (spoiler: there is no good authoritarian leadership.)

Anyway.

I expect today’s anti-shippers to grow out of anti-shipping but still be highly opposed to the idea of ‘dangerous’ ideas being allowed to exist; they will prefer censorship to education, ignorance to exploration, and will be deeply hostile to any opposition of feeling or taste.

and anti-shipping in general won’t go anywhere. it will continue to attract fandom newcomers, particularly young and/or vulnerable ones, until fandom moves to a space where different communities with different interests can be properly segregated from one another again. 

with the fandom walls of LJ and site forums completely knocked down by web 2.0, it’s no wonder that some of us have decided that all of fandom must provide the same comfortable environment they might have enjoyed in a small, closed community a few years ago, and that they will force fandom to do it. When fandom moves the majority of its interactions and content to a space where communities can be closed off, anti-shipping won’t be nearly as fulfilling as much of the content they seek to police will no longer be visible to them. (the popularity of Discord groups may be the start of such a move.)

However, anti-shipping may never fully go away again. It certainly won’t as long as society in general is so protective of its ideals and so deeply hostile to fellow humans.

*in my experience, adolescence tends to be the definition of ‘always exhausted but ready to fight anyone at any time’.

[shamarchived-blog]

It’s really hard for me to accept the fact that I’ve... actually been thinking about stepping away from the RP scene. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t due in part to the people who, for some reason, feel the need to remind me every single day that my writing and the character I’ve put many years of my life into developing and changing are bland and uninteresting.

It’s no big surprise anymore that my newer OCs have garnered way more attention. I’m hit with in-depth questions, plots, fan art, and all sorts of other nice things for them. Even the sketches and other oddities I do of them, no matter how messy and unrefined they are, get an absurd amount of attention. I am, by no means, complaining about that attention. It warms me to no end to have people interested in the characters I’ve created. It’s the kind of thing that keeps me going in times like this where I want nothing more than to drop everything and quit. I really do appreciate the people that continue to support the newer things that come.

But, when it comes right down to it ── I’m not as bonded to any of those characters as I am Euanthe. I’ve been working on and with her here and elsewhere for many, many years now. She’s changed in so many ways, just as I have. I’ve added new history, new characters, new changes in personality, and all sorts of other things in the time I’ve been writing her. I put so much effort and time into her, and even now she remains the favorite out of all my characters. It’s why I keep going back to her at the end of the day. She makes me feel comfortable. Having people like her and be genuinely interested in her is part of the reason I even push myself to write anymore. It’s not to say I don’t care for my newer characters. But when you spend a good chunk of your life putting effort into a character, you tend to get attached to them.

For the past two weeks I have been on and off deleting asks from my inbox and IMs from people begging and pushing me to “drop my draenei and do replies on Caelius”. I’ve had multiple nasty messages telling me how terribly bland and boring she is, staring from random anonymous claims spiraling into direct messages from people. Ranging from “I don’t like her” to “you’re wasting all your talent writing a goody-two-shoes” to “you should find a way to kill her off so you don’t have to write her anymore”.

And, frankly?? I’m sick of it. I’m sick of all of it. Not everyone is going to like everything. That’s common sense. But to go out of your way to tell someone you don’t like something and then bash them incessantly for writing what they enjoy is absolutely disgusting. I hate putting hours upon hours of effort and dedication into Euanthe only to have her pushed to the side for characters I made up and outlined on a whim. I’m tired of people acting like they’re entitled to my newer ideas and characters when they don’t even have the respect for the things I have more of an interest in. I’m not asking people to put her on a pedestal and worship her like a god, but at least have a little bit of DECENCY and respect that she’s a character that I have loved and cherished for years now. You don’t have to like her. But for fuck’s sake, don’t come to me telling me to drop her because she’s “bland and uninteresting” and then bash my writing as a whole. It’s just completely uncalled for and extremely rude. You don’t treat people like trash because you’re not a fan of something they’ve created. You don’t demand people write who you want. I’m a human being, not an OC machine. Telling me you prefer x to y and then saying how much you hate y doesn’t make me want to write x anymore. In fact, it makes me want to write them less. 

It really, really hurts me to come here to write only to be greeted with things like this. I’ve spent these last couple of weeks grappling with myself and my writing because I can’t find it in myself to do anything with how far it feels as though I’ve been dug into the dirt. I used to reply to everything damn near on the spot. There was always a constant flow of muse and inspiration for everything. But as of late, I can’t even write when I feel at the top of my game because of the things I’ve been told. Some days it’s been hard to even function. I’ve had thoughts I really don’t care to have and to be honest it’s terrifying.

If people can’t even respect the fact that my interest lies in playing a character that I’m personally attached to and have been working with for a very long time, then they don’t deserve my newer ideas. They don’t deserve to know how I’ve grown and changed and how I’ve developed my older characters. I don’t owe anyone here anything. I’m so tired of the sheer amount of toxicity and hate in this fandom. I’m tired of feeling like I have to do x, y, and z just to garner any sort of attention for myself. I’m tired of feeling like the things I put the most work into aren’t as good as the things I throw out in a hurry. I write to escape the pains of reality and to write and have a good time meeting new people and hanging out with friends. But as of late, it’s becoming harder and harder to slip through the rocks starting to block that out. It doesn’t feel like an escape to me anymore. It just feels like another trap.

In any case, I’ve written far too much. To make a long story short, I feel extremely pushed out by just about everybody and I honestly don’t feel like writing right now. I’ve been belittled, berated, and told to die over people’s dislike for an OC. If it wasn’t for the fact there are still people here who know me and love Euanthe to death and want to see more out of her, I’d be gone in an instant.

I have everything I owe drafted here and on Caelius. It’s in my better interest to drop everything completely and leave it at that, but my heart keeps telling me not to abandon all of them. There may or may not be replies to them in the future. If you owe me something, don’t be afraid to reply to it if you want to. I don’t know what I plan to do in the long run, but I can promise that my activity is likely going to be sparse for a little while. I might reply sparingly here and there, if I somehow manage to feel up to it, but I can’t guarantee it with any kind of certainty. 

Maybe if things die down, I might get back to writing normally again. But as of right now, it’s taking everything in my power not to stop RPing all together. I can’t write right now. 

I need a break.

[mittensmorgul]

Wow, I have such a kink for 8.2! I'm cutting work to watch this again LOL!

Oh dear! Confession time, I was up until like 4 am (no that’s a lie, it was almost 5 am), and woke up to find Mr. Mittens watching it. It was the bit I’m currently watching right now, at the riverbank in Purgatory.

“Let me bottom line it for you. I’m not leaving here without you. Understand?”

In my groggy state, I blurted out, “Oh gosh, we’ve come so far since then.” And then I ran to the living room and turned on the other tv, rewound it to the beginning and watched the whole thing again.

I still get skeeved by this entire auction. Like they deliberately invited Crowley and a representative of Heaven to drive up the price of the tablet. I mean, who else would have any interest at all in the Demon tablet? It’s like Plutus just... stole stuff and held it for ransom under the guise of this freaky auction. I mean, god of greed, so it seems logical, but >.>

Another bit that’s always bugged me is not the line itself, but the fandom misinterpretation of it as a Canon Fact:

Linda Tran offers her own soul in trade for the tablet and Kevin, which Plutus accepts with this reasoning:

CROWLEY: If it's souls that you're after, I can give you a million souls.DEAN: Hey, flyboy, are you gonna get in on this?SAMANDIRIEL: We guard the souls in Heaven. We don't horse-trade them.CROWLEY: So we have a deal.PLUTUS: It's not about the quantity, chief. It's about the sacrifice. This little lady's soul is the most valuable thing she has. It's everything. Are you willing to offer everything, Mr. Crowley?DEAN: Tick-tock.CROWLEY: Fine. You win. I bid... my own soul!PLUTUS: [laughs] Mr. Crowley, you don't have a soul. [to MRS TRAN] Congrats, sweetheart.

The key here is that Linda’s soul was valuable because it was the largest SACRIFICE she was capable of making. Like Plutus said, “It’s everything.” So Crowley’s offer of a million souls, which after s6 we know would’ve been a major power trade (he loaned Cas 50k souls to smack down Raphael, but it still wasn’t enough to defeat Raphael-- hence the grab for Purgatory souls. So a MILLION souls was a significant and substantial quantity of power to give up). But in Hell, new souls are showing up every day. They’re a renewable resource. Short-term it would’ve been a high price to pay, but long-term? In the bigger picture? Meh.

But in that same vein, when Plutus points this out, he asks if Crowley is willing to offer EVERYTHING he owns, and Crowley takes that to mean his own soul... but that’s hardly everything Crowley owns that is of value, you know?

First off, he really doesn’t HAVE a soul. Demons ARE souls. The smoky thing we see is what Hell does to that bright and shiny human soul we’ve seen before numerous times. I don’t think Plutus was saying that Crowley really had no soul, but that he didn’t have one to TRADE, because it was his entire BEING, you know? And it’s certainly not the extent of the things Crowley COULD sacrifice-- like the entire realm of Hell.

Plus, that matter of the fact that the “Mr Crowley, you don’t have a soul” line was a direct quote of something someone once said to the real-life Aleister Crowley. (a fact that is now impossible to google because of the millions of results it returns about this scene...).

SAM: Dean, were you really going to, uh...DEAN: What? Slit soccer mom's throat? Yeah, I was. I wish I had.SAM: Dean –DEAN: It was Crowley, Sam. No matter what meat suit he's in, I should have knifed him. I mean, yeah, it would have sucked, and I would have hated myself, but what's one more nightmare, right?

And Dean’s takeaway after Kevin runs for it? That people he doesn’t “need” anymore tend to die.

Which gives a HELL of a lot of weight to the statement in Purgatory to Cas:

DEAN: We'll figure it out. Cas, buddy, I need you.

But Cas still ended up stuck in Purgatory anyway. As if Dean’s “need” for him wasn’t even enough to save Cas from that fate. And then months later in 8.17:

Dean: This isn’t you. Cas, I know you’re in there. I know you can hear me. Cas, it’s me. We’re family. We need you; I need you.

And... it WAS enough to “save” Cas that time, but still not enough to get him to stick around. Heck, so much of s8 was about need...

I mean, while I was typing this up, I let 8.03 run in the background.

We already know from the jump in s8 that Dean’s pissed off that Sam walked away for an entire year, leaving Kevin running and fighting for his life alone. It came up again in 8.02, with Kevin still not really trusting Sam and Dean, and running off on his own again (with Linda this time).

And in 8.03, Dean finds yet another thing to harp on Sam about his own year off:

DEAN: All right, man, look, I get it. You took a year off to do yoga and play the lute, whatever, but I'm back. Okay, we're back, which means that we walk and kill monsters at the same time. We'll find Kevin. But in the meantime, do we ignore stuff like this? Or are innocent people supposed to die so that you can shop for produce?

Because while researching, Dean discovers the pattern of deaths repeats every six months, and Sam had’t even noticed it, let alone investigated to try and save these people, meaning the three people who’d died that week were on Sam for not having ganked the thing that killed them the first time it went on a killing spree... Yeah, Dean was angry, but meanwhile Sam had been in that “I don’t fight anymore, I watch the bees” sort of state of mind during that whole year.

Nothing says family like the whole family being dead (or as near as... )

But then Dean discovers Sam was considering going back to college. He tells Sam that this is where they’re best-- hunting down monsters together:

DEAN: I know where I'm at my best, and that is right here, driving down crazy street next to you.SAM: Makes sense.DEAN: Yes, it does.SAM: Or... maybe you don't need me. I mean, maybe you're at your best hacking and slicing your way through all the world's crap alone, not having to explain yourself to anybody.DEAN: Yeah, that makes sense, seeing as I have so many other brothers I can talk to about this stuff.SAM: Look, I'm not saying I'm bailing on you. I'm just saying make room for the possibility that we want different things. I mean, I want my time to count for something.DEAN: So, what we do doesn't count?

And this is so important, the first suggestion that Sam and Dean want different things in life, and that eventually that might even be okay. But hooboy does it ever cause a lot of conflict between now and that impossibly distant potential future:

DEAN: Wow. Back in business. Got the win. Admit it – feels good, huh? You know, I was thinking about what Randa said about, uh, you know, what it feels like to be a warrior. I get it, man, I do.SAM: I know. I know you do. I don't. Not anymore. Hell, maybe I never did.DEAN: Come on, Sam, don't ruin my buzz, would you?SAM: Dean, listen, when this is over – when we close up shop on Kevin and the tablet – I'm done. I mean that.DEAN: No, you don't.SAM: Dean, the year that I took off, I had something I've never had. A normal life. I mean, I got to see what that felt like. I want that. I had that.DEAN: I think that's just how you feel right now.

And that’s setting up everything that’s come after in the brothers’ relationship with each other, the first chip knocked out of the giant mountain of codependency. It comes roaring back with a vengeance by the end of the season (granted, via the end of their close brush with hubris in their attempt to close the gates of hell), but at least all of this brings those issues glaringly to the surface where they can’t really just keep on keeping on the way they always have anymore.

Need vs want

I think this is also foundational to Dean NEEDING people rather than being able to admit that he WANTS them in his life. That he wants people to stay in his life because he loves them, not because he needs them for a specific purpose.

Because when Dean doesn’t need people anymore, they tend to end up dead... And just loving people, needing them just because he loves them, he sees it as selfish. And his personal needs aren’t enough to keep people he loves from dying.

Boy howdy did he ever internalize that to a toxic extent.

Dean has clearly not shed the “I’m Poison” thing from s7, and in some ways it only gets worse over the next few seasons, like he’s got to get to the very root of that feeling, plumb the depths of his own self-loathing and become the absolute worst possible version of himself (hello, Demon Dean), and come through the other side with a healthier sense of self, a healthier sense of his relationship with Sam, and an acceptance of his personal need for Cas.

Now he just has to find the right words to express all that. Saying his piece to Mary in 12.22 was a good start.

And oh gosh, 8.04-- Michael gave up his personal time with Kate to go along with Brian, because apparently Brian had no one else to hang out with. At the time, it sounds like Sam agreeing to go along with Dean on these hunts, leaving Amelia behind because Dean had no one else to hang out with... And the whole situation turned into a toxic mess. But the parallel isn’t perfect. Dean wasn’t motivated for the same reasons Brian was. Brian wanted what Michael had. Dean didn’t want what Sam had.

Dean just wanted everything to stay the same. But again, his needs are poison.

Heck, this got away from me again didn’t it?

[theaceofgays]

Tempest Ch 3: Torn

Fandom: Little Witch Academia | Ship: Charoix | Verse: Time Travel

Word Count:1,844 | Read Time: 7 minutes | First Chapter | Previous Chapter

Summary: Young Chariot is afraid of the future solidifying and wishes to change it, meanwhile Adult Croix is trying to keep her timeline from unravelling at the hands of Young Chariot

Months had passed now and everything was unsettling to Chariot. She felt like she was walking on eggshells around Croix, her Croix, not the older one. She hadn’t been back since their previous interaction, and she could only imagine what they might say. She was terrified. But more so she was terrified of how Croix, her Croix, turned into that shell of a human being. She took every precaution she could to assure it didn’t happen, from spending extra time studying with Croix, to asking for her opinions on every single decision she made from which outfit to buy to which spell to use for an exam to which side dish she should get along with her lunch. And honestly? Croix had had enough of it. Chariot had become too smothering. She wasn’t even aware of how much of an annoyance she had become. It was as if she’d become a “yes, sir” type, and would listen to anything Croix would say, and while Croix might have wanted her to listen to some things, there was just no fun in that. She was drowning and Chariot was blind to her own toxicity. Even if Croix had a long fuse, Chariot was a bright flame, burning through it twice as fast as anyone else, and surely too close to the end.

“Chariot,” Croix said, after she had asked Croix for advice on which side of the bed to sleep on. “I don’t think it matters. In fact, none of it matters. And I swear if you ask me one more dumb question, I will personally see to it that you do not have a tutor to help you with Numerology.”

“I’m sorry, Croix.” Chariot pouted. “I’m just worried.”

It didn’t take much of an effort to figure out what had spooked Chariot. “… I thought I told you the future isn’t certain.”

“Then explain to me why it was the same both times I went.” Chariot crossed her arms.

“Because the more you visit it, the more it will solidify. Time takes time to harden.”

“That’s what you s—“

“Chariot, I do not want to hear about my future. Especially not if it is concerning you this much.”

“Don’t you wanna know what I’m worried about?”

“Does it have anything to do with you trying my patience?”

“I don’t know!” Chariot plopped down on her bed. “I’m just so terrified. I want to find the words,  and save magic, but not at the cost of our friendship. You were so broken…”

“Chariot,” Croix groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. “What did I just say?”

“Sorry, it’s just unfair that I can’t talk to you about this. You’re my best friend, Croix.”

“I know it’s tough,” Croix placed a hand on Chariot’s shoulder. “But it’s for the best.”

Chariot looked up at the ceiling. “I sure hope so…”

————————————————————————

Croix had just stepped away from Chariot, her Chariot, the Chariot of the present when she had heard the familiar sounds of a leyline time portal opening up behind her. “And what do you think you’re doing?” she asked, turning back to the young girl standing before her. “You are not about to cause a paradox. Begone!”

“A paradox? So I’m around here somewhere?” Chariot looked around but Croix picked her up by her hood and dropped her onto one of the many roombas she had following her.

“Nope. You are not going anywhere near her. I can’t begin to imagine the ramifications of you meeting your present self and foiling whatever plans are laid out.” Croix had wanted to keep the small Chariot, not for any nostalgic reason, but for the sheer fact that it would keep the adult version of herself out of the way. But at the same time, she knew the longer this Chariot was in a timeline not her own, the longer she could cause havoc and the easier it would become for her older self to get the upper hand.

“You sound like a villain,” Chariot crossed her arms and huffed. “Do I not even get a hello? I can’t believe you aren’t more happy to see me.”

“Because I’m not happy to see you, I’m irritated.” Croix walked down the steps of the tower quickly. “And I’m hoping to get rid of you before you catch up to me.”

“You say that like I’m a pest in need of exterminating,” Chariot stuck out her tongue. “I came here for advice.”

“Like a moth to a flame,” Croix mumbled, before ceasing her stride to turn back and look at Chariot. “I told you I can’t help you.”

“Hey- I would like to think I’m a butterfly, not a moth. They’re far prettier.” Chariot grinned. “And I know. You can’t help me with my future. But you can help me with your past, can’t you?”

Croix rolled her eyes and kept walking. “Absolutely not. I refuse to aid you in changing my past.”

“But you’ve already admitted to not being happy,” Chariot whined. “Don’t you want to fix that?”

“There’s nothing to fix.”

“That’s a lie.”

“Chariot, I can’t alter the timeline. If I do, there will be consequences that go far beyond you or me.”

“This isn’t altering the timeline, just guiding me on the right path. You do want to do that, right?”

Croix fell silent, still walking along. She’d reached the bottom of the spiral staircase and just kept going, trying to mentally talk herself out of giving Chariot what she wanted. It was easier now that there was a distance of fifty feet and ten years between them. She had imagined herself immune to Chariot’s old charms. Though that wasn’t the truth.

“We’re not friends, Chariot.”

“W-what do you mean?” Now Chariot was starting to get nervous, fidgeting with her hands.

“We haven’t been for a while…” Croix admitted.

“What happened?”

“Classified.”

“What. Happened. Croix?” Chariot tried again, more sternly this time. Croix only sighed. “Tell me!”

“I happened.”

“What did you do?”

“Classified.”

“If you won’t tell me, then why did you bother telling me that we weren’t friends in the first place?”

“Because,” Croix turned around, tears in her eyes. “I need you to see, Chariot. I’m not a good person. You want my advice? Cherish your present. Because it won’t stay that way for long. And stay away from me.”

“Croix…” Chariot reached out to the witch before her, watching as Croix sank to her knees.

“Go away, Chariot.” Croix’s voice faltered mildly, and it took all she had not to let it break further. “Please.”

“Okay,” Chariot said, sliding off the roomba and casting the spell to return home, leaving Croix alone to her tears once again.

————————————————————————

“Croix!” Chariot barged into Croix’s room stumbling over the piles of books and papers that were strewn across the floor from the disturbance of the door bursting open before she reached the desk where her friend sat.

“Back so soon?” Croix asked, not bothering to look up. “I thought you went to hang out with the better me.”

“Are you talking about future you?” Chariot raised a brow. “Because there’s no way she’s better than you- I mean- you’re the same person, but this version of you is my version and that’s all that matters.”

Croix couldn’t help but feel her face flush up. “Chariot, I think you’re your own worst enemy sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Chariot sighed, sinking down next to Croix and laying her head in the older girl’s lap. “You’re not wrong.”

Croix ceased what she was doing and set her hand on Chariot’s head. “What’s got you down this time?”

“I can’t tell you,” Chariot said, “You told me not to.”

“Ah,” Croix said, frowning. “So you did go to the future again.”

“I know you said that the future is ever-changing but every time I go it’s the same. What if I can’t escape what happens to us?”

“Well,” Croix placed a hand on Chariot’s cheek, tilting her head up to make eye contact. “Then you’ll just have to change the future.”

“How do I do that?” Chariot asked. “The you of the future doesn’t want to help me with that.”

“Then figure it out. Use what you know so far and go from there.”

Chariot nodded. “Use what I know, use what I know,” she mumbled, thinking about what she knew and what to do from there. “I’m going to head to the library and see if I can’t find clues on my destiny there.”

“Alright,” Croix smiled softly. “Just don’t do anything rash, okay?”

“Of course not, Croix. Thanks for caring.” Chariot giggled and bent over to kiss Croix’s cheek really quickly. “Alright, I’m off! See ya~”

————————————————————————

Croix had stepped out of the library after confronting Akko yet again and felt a shift, a blur, something changing within her memories, a flash of Chariot where Chariot was not meant to be, laughter, pleasantries exchanged, a soft peck on her cheek. Croix gripped the wall, bracing herself like the world had just erupted, and staring down at the floor. She reached up to touch the cheek Chariot had planted her lips on, lingering only a moment before she shook the thoughts away. She had plans. She couldn’t let them be spoiled by something like this. Not when she was so close. It didn’t matter how she felt about Chariot. It didn’t matter. None of what Chariot did mattered. She had to keep going- she had to—

There was a glimpse of something in the back of her mind, a light that dimmed, a faded memory, there and gone in a blip. She couldn’t tell if it was one meant to be there, or one altered by Chariot herself. She couldn’t take it. Not like this. Croix had to do something. She had to ensure that Chariot was on the right path. For that, she would have to travel back ten years to her Luna Nova days. And without getting caught? It was all but impossible. But the day was arriving soon, the day where she knew exactly where Chariot would be. She just had to be patient. And pray that history could, in theory, repeat itself.

Croix didn’t like this plan, but she didn’t have much of a choice in the matter, not when her other, bigger plans were at stake. She gathered everything she needed and counted the days until the spell needed to be casted. Three days, she had plenty of time between now and then to set the next phase of her present plan in motion. She knew she would need to speak with Akko again, convince her to go to Wagandea with her supervision, abandon her on her trek up the endless expanse of tree, wait for her demise in hopes that her quest would end, keep current Chariot from interfering. But to do that again? A third time? She wasn’t sure she could. But she had to. Even if it meant putting Chariot in danger. Even if it meant throwing her magic away yet again.