#i just think its also important to branch out a bit. i fear that i only focus on Obey Me for too long ill get burned out like last time and

[obey-me-headquarters]

I've started playing Limbus Company and omg it's SO good!! The art is fucking fantastic, like no joke the best art I've seen in a mobile game in a LONG time!! Wtf Project Moon where did you get the money for this??

Anyway, I'm not too far in. I'm in the first dungeon. I really vibe with the characters! There's kind of a lot of them, so it's hard to have hard opinions about any of them. But I know that my favorite character is Dante!!

God Dante is PEAK character design! Before I played the game I saw a sceneshot of Dante sitting in a character and thought they were like, the final boss or some important character because their design fucks so hard. But nope!! You get to play as them!! Aren't we so luckily!!

God, their aesthetic? Amazing. The ticking click, the bright red suit, etc. I really love how gender neutral they are too! Besides using they/them pronouns they're build is also very androgynous which I appreciate!

The story is also really really good, from what I've seen so far.

The only downside or criticism I have of the game is the constant battles. There's not a good battle to story ratio, and I often end up feeling frustrated when I get like 5 lines before being thrown into another battle. I feel like the developers could have taken out half the battles and there would still be a lot. You can't even do all the battles in one go and then go back to read the story like in Obey Me. I found myself on multiple occasions stopping playing just because I got so fed up with how many battles there are.

Anyway, really like the characters! I feel like the developers kinda had a set plan and story for each character, which I really like! There's also lots of characters to choose from! My favorite so far are of course, my darling Dante. Vergilius is also so baby girl coded. Like, he's an old tired man looking after a group of rambunctious adults, how could I not love him?!? I also caught the reference to Dante's inferno, very clever.

I also really like Faust! She's amazing, adore her. And omg Outis!! You're so straight laced! I found myself liking her more and more as time goes on. She's the only one who respects Dante's "authority" and I love that. I also really like Gregor, my other baby girl. I love how he tries to be nice but it's obvious he's kinda out of practice.

I love Meursault, even though I haven't seen much of him. Idk, I just love stoic characters! (I wanna overwhelm him with pleasure. Make him cry for it.) And Don is just adorable. Like her energy. I also just love the look of Yi Sang, even though I haven't seen much of him in game yet. Idk, I think it's the tired eyes that makes me want to take care of him.

Anyway, as yall can probably tell I love a lot these characters I lot. We I get further into the game I might write some smut for them.

[where-theres-smoak-2]

I am fascinated by the interactions between chani and gurney and chani and Jessica. Here you have three people who are very important to paul and who care about him deeply but who all represent different parts of his identity. Jessica represents the bene gesserit and Kwisatz Haderach part of him, gurney the atriedes Duke, and chani his fremen side. What's interesting is they all want to protect paul, but each of them have a very different idea of how to protect him. For Jessica it's by using the power of the prophecy and Paul's power as the Kwisatz Haderach. For gurney its about military power, the atomics and the fremen army. And when it comes to chani well she's more interested in protecting his soul, helping him stay who he has chosen to be. However chani's want to protect paul more emotionally puts her at odds with gurney and Jessica who seem more concerned with his physical safety, which leads to some interesting interactions.

Chani very obviously mistrusts and dislikes both Jessica and gurney and I get the feeling she puts up with them because she knows they are important to paul. But she also knows that they both have there own ideas of who paul should be, she knows that they both want paul to grasp for power and she knows this could change paul, that it could take him away from her and we see this in the scene where she asks if he'll always be with her, it's showing that fear she has that he won't be.

There's that really interesting scene between Jessica and chani after paul drinks the wol, where Jessica comes to wish chani luck. It's interesting to me that Jessica seemed to have the desire to fix the relationship between chani and paul, she kind of advocates for him by telling chani he didn't have a choice. We see earlier as well when she tells paul that she's sorry about chani, thing is I actually do think she means it, I think she is genuinely sorry that her getting what she wants has caused this rift between paul and chani, almost like she feels a bit of guilt over it but still believes her means justified the end. It's the same when she wishes chani luck for the fight ahead, I genuinely think Jessica doesn't want any harm to come to chani. I do wonder if this is because paul and chani remind her of the love she herself had with leto and maybe she wishes in an ideal world paul could have both be the Kwisatz Haderach but also still be with chani, but I could be misinterpreting that.

Chani's response to Jessica wishing her luck is honestly understandable, zendaya did such a good job delivering that line, 'I'd wish you the same, but it seems you've already won your battle.' It's so full of bitterness but it's also chani calling Jessica out, she's come here all pleading almost and almost with an olive branch but chani is having none of it. As angry as she is at paul for drinking the wol, she knows that Jessica put a lot of work into manipulating both her people and paul, fanning the flames of the prophecy. They were both kind of battling over Paul's soul in a way and Jessica just won that battle, which makes chani feel bitter and angry and I think she holds a lot of resentment towards Jessica.

Then we have those scenes with gurney. As I said above it was clear from the moment he showed up that chani didn't trust gurney and again its understandable considering one of the earliest interactions they have is her overhearing gurney trying to persuade paul into using the prophecy and the fremen army to avenge his father. We get that little moment where her and paul are watching gurney trying to set up his tent and failing miserably, despite her mistrust of gurney when Paul says he is family chani still goes to help gurney showing that she is willing to put aside that mistrust for Paul's sake.

Then we have the war council scene where gurney very much is almost controlling chani, pulling her down when she starts shouting about the prophecy being fake and a means to control them, stopping her from interfering when Paul makes the crowd angry and pulling her down again when everyone bows to paul. But what is interesting to me is yes gurney is constantly stopping chani because he wants paul to get power and doesn't want her getting in the way of that, but there's also this underlying concern for her I think. He says when he pulls her down the first time that she'll get herself in trouble. Maybe I am wrong, but I also feel like maybe he stopped her jumping in when Paul angered everyone, partly because he didn't want her to get hurt. When you look at gurney's character in the first film he was the loyal guard of the Atreides, it was his job to keep the family safe, the Duke, Jessica and their son paul. To me it makes sense then that now that he sees paul as the Duke, he sees chani as he sees Jessica as the duke's lady/partner. So it would make sense if he feels a certain obligation to protect chani and keep her out of harms way.

It's fascinating to me how you've got these three individuals who all care about paul and who are all important to him and yet they are all kind of obstacles to each other's own motivations when it comes to paul and on chani's part there is also that mistrust and dislike over what Jessica and gurney are doing to paul. But despite that there still seems to be this concern for chani's safety from both Jessica and gurney, like they know what it would do to paul if harm were to come to her. They all come from different places and have different wants and views yet they are all connected by that one thing, their love for paul, and I just think that brings about some really interesting dynamics between the three of them.

[firedragon1321]

Thinking about how Matt isn't as important to the entire group's survival in Adventure compared to Tai/Izzy/Sora (especially when he's 100% focused on TK). But he's absolutely necessary on a meta level because of his search for growth and- at the end of the day- an identity separate from being TK's guard dog.

As early as Episode 18 at least, he notices the others are changing for the better. As he talks to Izzy, he reveals A- he's emotionally/psychologically more sensitive than he first appears and B- he wants to grow, too.

Now the thing is Matt has also made protecting TK his number one concern. By comparison, his own physical safety is somewhere like the thirty second most important thing. This holds him back. He doesn't know it. But his obsession with keeping TK safe prevents him from finding an identity outside of "TK's big brother".

Matt was lost emotionally- half due to the divorce, half due to being at the age where people start to develop unique identities. He essentially latched on to the first identity he was presented with- being TK's brother. Even if- at the time he formed it- he was just a child. It was a role made from a desire to just be with his brother again.

A desire for things to be normal.

Because the Digital World not only extended Matt's time with TK, but constantly put him in danger, his identity as "TK's big brother" evolved into "TK's protector". This is his drive in the early competition for leadership- to protect TK the group.

But by Episode 18, the battle for dominance is over. Tai won, though nobody says it. Even if he's on shaky ground due to SkullGreymon. But even there, Tai acted out of a (corrupted) sense of responsibility. To genuinely protect everyone, without a disclaimer regarding one individual. So he made a mistake. And not only does he understand that, but he regrets it. He's maturing from the kid who smacked Izzy's laptop for fun.

Matt sees this. He sees Sora slowly come to accept Biyomon- and by extension, herself, because Biyomon is a part of her (more on that later). Izzy has become a bit more social. They're not at their final forms yet- far from it. But Matt sees the writing on the wall. He wants in on that.

Yet, he's trapped by his own trauma and the armor he made for himself. He's a warrior, a protector. Everything bad needs to stay away from TK because he can't lose his brother again.

Matt sees himself as the sole catalyst for TK's safety. And as the series goes on, that becomes less and less true. TK is protected by others, such as Sora. Matt also comes to protect and support people other than TK, such as Joe with the whole Digitamamon debacle.

Matt is great at noticing the growth of others. Just not himself. To be fair, it's only an extension of his role as "knight". It extends beyond TK now, but Matt doesn't yet see it.

After Puppetmon's mansion, TK proves he can protect himself. This shatters Matt to the point that Cherrymon has little trouble sliding into his skull. Because in Matt's eyes, he hasn't grown like he wanted. What he doesn't see is the stuff holding him back.

I went through something similar. I made the core of my being "staying safe", And it, too, robbed me of opportunity. The armor welcomes nothing but danger. It is rigid. It does not allow growth. So it's completely understandable to me that when Matt finally realizes what he must do to form his own identity, his fear and despair have to be unavoidably shoved in his face.

The nature of the cave- like much of Digimon Adventure's lore- is steeped in mystery. All that seems clear is that it's a manifestation of negative emotions. It's physically the same as a mental rut, going in a single direction with no branching pathways. It doesn't allow Matt to move past his feelings by its very design. It also whispers of failure. Not only has his identity revolving around TK proven useless, but so has his search for himself.

And so like Cherrymon, it easily consumes him.

The only lifeline he has is Gabumon. His Digimon partner. A piece and reflection of his own soul. So really, Matt can only rely on his own inner strength to escape. In a way, it's the "Naruto telling you to brush your teeth" meme. Sometimes you have to get a little unwell to get better. And that may involve talking to yourself. And "yourself" may be a dog lizard.

Matt wanted no-one to see him cry. Especially after the Digital World. The identity he took on has zero room for tears. Only after escaping the cave does Matt finally shed that identity. He's not just TK's protector or the group's knight. He's their friend. And not only can they rely on him, but he can rely on them.

It's not an independent identity. But seeing he's not alone and he can accept support from others is an important step in the right direction. In putting the useless armor aside, he also begins to heal from the divorce. And in doing that, he not only sees that he has grown, but opens up new opportunities to evolve even further.

Matt is an encapsulation of Digimon's themes of positive growth. Through his own introspection and growth, he captures what makes Digimon unique. And that's why- even if he does less in Adventure than Omnimon would have you believe- he is absolutely essential.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

@intertexts BEHOLD. NEW HAVEN WARDS: THE WIBBY AND DAVID DYNAMIC ESSAY. this got way too fucking long 2 put in ur inbox so im making a post about it. ENJOY THE STICK FIGURE VIOLENCE <3

okay im just gonna start from the beginnign here and try not to get too sidetracked as i go (<< me when i lie) um. so. still not entirely clear on what williams trigger event would be so that may change how some of this works out logistics wise. but just assuming it would be SOMEWHAT similar to pd- william dies/has his near death experience and is Changed By It. in obvious ways that are impossible to hide. his parents find out because he had been missing for days and presumed dead so when he came back home covered in mud and dried blood and Different, everyone kind of broke down. they know about his powers from the start. william hates them (the powers, not his parents) but his dad especially has always been very supportive of capes and urges william to use them for something good! his mom, who has always grieved the lack of a relationship between her two sons, brings up the suggestion "hey, you know what! yeah! your older brother just so happens to live in a city with a really good cape population, maybe you can go live with him for a bit while you go to school <3" (<< this is also going off the assumption that the general public doesnt really. understand. capes much. his parents dont know theyre signing him up to be a child soldier and die before 40. they love him so much and just want the best for him- if they knew about all that they wouldve never even made the suggestion. but they see how much his powers are hurting him and theyre grieving the death of their youngest son who is still. awake and sitting in his bedroom. and i dont think any of them know how to deal with that)

william, not really having a place to argue from or another option to even consider, reluctantly agrees. hes too caught up in the fear and worry and unpredictability of his powers to even imagine himself as one of the heroes. but he goes anyway. and lives with david. its just as painfully icy as you imagine- david never signed up to be a permanent babysitter, i imagine theres a lot of. phonecalls overheard through the walls of his apartment of david on the phone with their mom asking if this was some sort of punishment. david spends all his time at his office and never takes time to even get to know william. he still takes care of him- he has the money for a penthouse apartment and keeps groceries stocked- but its not like theyre having cozy family meals every night. this does wonderful things for williams mental health obviously. which im sure makes his powers feel so much better (<< this is sarcasm). they dont talk much. obviously. william knows david works for/runs a branch of some tech company but thats about the extent of his knowledge and he never cares to ask further details than that. theres a little bit of resentment there on williams side (william wisp, known jealous petty little bitch- "i thought you were the first good thing to come out of deadwood"). david is someone who's important and has his life together and william is. in his own mind. a freak.

after joining the wards program and meeting dakota and virion and such. william IMMEDIATELY decides he is going to spend less and less and less time at davids place. and so the fucking. chasm between them grows. mutual good riddance. (they dont hate each other. theres just. not a whole lot of care there. but theyre still family, yknow?) and its just like. the BARE MINIMUM amount of contact. william stops by davids place to like. get stuff from his bedroom. uses davids apartment as storage for things he can't keep at the wards base (are teen superheroes allowed to smoke? i imagine that cant be good for their public image). so its not like they totally cut contact theres just. even less of it than there was before.

and then william learns about the SIGNIFICANT importance of keeping your cape and civilian identities separate. any villain who learns who you are behind the mask can be a threat to not only you but also your family. william, who loves his parents very much and knows they love him back, wants to protect them at all costs. conveniently, he doesn't live with his parents anymore. his current guardian just so happened to keep their mom's maiden name. so what does he do! bam. easy fix, change your last name to match with your brother. satisfies the heroes a little bit because its that extra step harder to connect william with people outside the city, AND its not suspicious on the civilian side either because. i mean he still matches surnames with his family. surely this will not come back to bite him (foreshadowing). i think it would be PERFECTLY in character and slimy for david to get a kick out of this name change btw. its been weeks since theyve spoken full sentences to each other but the next time william goes back to the apartment david is there at the kitchen table and just kind of laughs at the paperwork like "aw, little brother, i didn't realize you liked living with me that much. im flattered" etc. etc. eugh

behold! i can call him wibby now. awesome. so cool. anyway.

blahblah whatever whatever. im saying for au convenience david lives in new haven even though in pd canon he technically lives in freedom city. don't worry about it. HOWEVER. this becomes important. new haven wards are like?? vaguely sometimes in contact with the wards of the nearest settlement with a significant cape population- freedom city! this is alan, x, cantrip. I think they probably have like. fun friendly sparring matches sometimes (like the cage matches where they first met but like... legal. and mario kart!) but aren't close enough to be Friend Friends. freedom city wards uncover some shady underground company using illegal research (nhw equivalent of harttawa? dying 2 link this back to mark somehow bc im always thinking abt him but i KNOW u have plans for him already and im dying 2 know them) to give people artificial powers (connected to cauldron in some way but not obvious about it. ill explain this more in a minute) and guess who this gets linked back to. our one and only lovely wicked david bell. freedom city wards don't know williams connection to him since they wouldn't know his civ name. I don't think he would tell them. i also don't think they would actually TALK to David here like they do in canon, i think the heist goes a little more successfully and he's not actually physically THERE so all that happens is that they sneak in and see a bunch of files/papers. and william makes the connection with David's name and maybe picture. but the whole. killing a bunch of guards still happens. "its okay they're villains" etc. i don't know who would run freedom city wards program but they're more. loose about the rules than in new haven. which is why xavier and cantrip are Like That.

anyway on the way back to new haven william is REALLY shaken and dakota and virion obv pick up on that right away (i think they'd also know OF williams brother but not a lot of details bc he never talks about him.) william tells them that that was David and doesn't know what to do etc etc . I think he avoids the apartment for a looooot longer than he usually does because he doesn't want to accidentally run into David there and have to confront this. I think he's probably shell shocked by the idea a little- david is VERY MUCH against the hero program and doesn't like capes at all and is very vocal about that fact (this is pd canon too)!! why the fuck would he be working with the company that gives people powers and Makes More Capes! even though his mystery solving brain is going into overdrive thinking about the reasons and details and minutae of this discovery, william is also chronically avoidant of all his personal problems so i don't think he does any digging into it yet. until. well. the freedom city wards go missing

they on the other hand DID do a lot more digging into this. and david caught on to them and we end up with the scene in the basement . this is where I'm gonna get sidetracked bc there's a lot of information I'm thinking about at the beginning of all this

when william/vyncent/tide get there it's a very similar scene to in pd. x and cantrip are chained up, david has allen cut open on a table. william is. HORRIFIED. maybe even moreso than in pd.

x is even more immediately hostile to william when he and cantrip wake up because part of the information they uncovered in doing their own digging was the fact that david and william are related. and this pisses x off SO BAD because william never told them. and I think he uses wills secret identity against him and that's part of the reason william is SO DESPERATE to stop him. Just imagining that scene in the hallway at the beginning where they're screaming at each other and x just goes "that's your fucking *brother?* you're related to that monster and you never thought to, yknow, share that little bit of information with us?! william bell?????" and as soon as x says his name william just SNAPS and swings the axe at him .

anyway. back to the basement scene. david does his whole manipulative villain monologue with a scalpel to Allen's heart and we learn David is the head of an offshoot branch of cauldron (thinking about like maybe where they sell the vials to people under the guise of experimental medical treatment? for their own research purposes on how the vials affect people. real unethical shit! I feel like I need 2 learn more about cauldrons motivations before I set this in stone though) . anyway. we also learn here that david Has Fucking Powers. I don't know exactly what those would be right now but I think they would be pretty... inconsequential and at a really low power rating, but just that fact alone is enough for him to almost lose william completely.

this whole time william is just full of this icy dread and betrayal, but as SOON as david reveals he has powers that all just snaps to rage. comparable to that feeling where you've been bullied for something for years and then one day everyone decides that same thing is cool now. ("how long. how *long*, david? did you have these powers while you shunned me, sat on the phone with mom in the other room complaining about how much of a freak your little brother is? how *painfully sad* it is for you to share an apartment with the corpse of your baby brother, trying to get mom to pity you enough to take me back and get me out of your hair?")

and ofc david being who he is has some sort of slimy manipulation that saves his ass and gets william back on his side. tide and virion being there they immediately see right the FUCK through it but I think william would be compromised enough at that point that he wouldn't be thinking clearly enough to listen to them. (also side note . like I said I'm VERY undecided on what davids powers would actually be but the two ideas I've been bouncing back and forth are a) some kind of medical Thinker which is how he knows how to put allen back together the right way or b) some kind of Master which makes the manipulation thing worse <3. so maybe wibby is compromised bc davids using his powers on him. if it's the second option. smile!)

anyway wibby goes on his nightmare arc. right. even more fucked up bc of what x says to him about his identity. I actually think a lot of this stays the same but just with the addition of context and also the thing I said yesterday about the guards radioing to each other to evacuate.

everything happens pretty much the same with cantrip and he and virion getting back to the office only to find everything totally wiped clean already. william still does the Nightmare Thing in davids apartment afterward. still undecided in whether or not their parents will be there? I guess it depends on what we do with the trickster. (oh god I haven't even thought about the trickster irt new haven wards. fuck!) . I think actually I'm leaning more toward having them NOT being there? because I think william reigned himself in because he didn't want to scare them too much. and this is worm world i don't WANT wibby to reign himself in at all. I want him to go fucking nightmare apeshit.

btw this whole time? virion stays with him and it scares the SHIT out of him. he's still going to stay because ... this is william. this is his best friend (gay) and he HAS to trust that he knows what he's doing. I think afterward william stands up, david still unconscious on the floor, and there are silent tears streaming down his face and there's this expression of rage and betrayal and grief on his face that virion has NEVER seen on another person. so he reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder or maybe offer a hug (which in my mind is HUGE for him bc I've been imagining virion being SUPER careful and sort of avoidant about physical touch bc of his powers) but then william goes to brush his hand away as he walks out of the room and there's just the briefest moment of skin to skin contact. and it only lasts for maybe a second but virion gets this BURST of williams powers and it's terrifying. he can see and feel and hear and know *exactly* what william just did. it goes away almost immediately but the force of it is enough to throw virion off balance for a second as he processes it and when he comes to again he is just. shaking. and he doesn't say anything to william but he *knows* now and he doesn't know what to do with that information. hes scared out of his fucking mind but he's also. sad. he's REALLY fucking sad his best friend (gay) just had to do something like that. and he's not good with words so he doesn't say anything but he stays there. he stays by williams side despite everything. ughahhvhh

uhhhh final note. pain and suffering. william gets a whole Fucking Complex about sharing a name with david after this. but he still doesn't change it back to wisp because he knows x knows his identity now. which means he doesn't know how many other people could know, how many other people x will tell out of spite as a way to get back at him (<< william wisp paranoia WIN) and it's. LEAGUES better that any potential enemies would come after david and hurt david. (in fact he probably privately wishes for something like that to happen. hed never say that out loud though). using his name as a kind of shield even though it hurts like hell to be connected to his brother like that.

anyway! yeah! wisp-bell brothers torment nexus or whatever!

[devondespresso]

Wiggly-Worm Wednesday!! 🧠🪱

speeding through this before Wednesday ends (the deadline is both extremely malleable and entirely self-enforced and also time isn't real)

tagged by the lovely @hbyrde36 thank you!!

Today the worms are Connected they're connecting dots and doing a great job at it!

my non-fic worm is kinda branching off the first 1k i wrote for stwg's fic exchange, which then hopped skipped and jumped over into its own idea and now I'm enjoying my down time imagining the shenanigans of Robin sneaking Steve over post s4, like living in her bedroom hiding in the closet shenanigans cause his parents aren't back and the hospital had to discharge him to help other patients and she can't just leave him home alone that's a recipe for disaster so really she basically had no choice but to sneak him in through her ground-floor window with a duffel bag under her bed and steal a couple of her dads button down shirts because Steve's a dingus and didn't bring any even though any pullover is a pain in the back-and-tricep-roadrash right now.

so of course robins parents find out because stashing away a whole ass adult man in a bedroom for more than a day or so is actually pretty difficult even when he's not gravely injured. in my head they're pretty understanding after they get to cool down a bit, its not like steve was never around before and he'd always been polite, plus even if they still did think stobin were secretly dating, they're clearly not doing anything and the only reason Robin didn't just ask was because she wasn't going to take no for an answer.

And then on the actual wips front i had the brilliant why-didnt-i-think-of-this-sooner idea to pick a wip to work on based on what i was brainworming just for fun, which led me to my actual stobin wip and within like 20 minutes i had a couple epiphanies about the connective themes im exploring like realizing what i was putting together without realizing. (cut because oh god this got long fast)

Its ended up being a lot about gender, the imaginary wall between girls and guys in a friendship sense that feels solid just because you haven't had the proof that its not really there yet, the heteronormativity and amatonormativity driving a wedge between possible friendships. in this fic, robins really apprehensive about forming any kind of connection with steve because she's had the experience of guys only being interested in dating that she has a lot of mistrust around and m/f friendships that start forming (and ofc it ends with post starcourt platonic with a capital P soulmateisms 💕). i also have this little struggle where like if i can name multiple important theme-y words i fear ive got too many going on, so i was afraid this whole loneliness thing I've got for robin was going to conflict with the gender thing but i think ive got it sorted, they're different levels and their connected ideas, robins escape from loneliness means she has to break through her internal gender wall and let it be broken, plus the loneliness is going to be more explicit in the text because robins like fully aware of it while the gender stuff is probably going to stay mostly subtext and be much broader, popping up in steves pov area too and really all around them.

also had no clue how relevant it would be but steve and robin are like perfectly balanced blurred gender lines like steve is a masculine dude comfortable in his masculinity that also has a healthy relationship with his feminine trait, the hair stuff the babysitter/mom friend thing, he's not ashamed of any of it (and actually i had a longer post on Steve's gender balance somewhere in my drafts but we don't have time rn) and then robins like practically the same in her expression of femininity, she's as far as we see comfortably a girl, wears makeup, loved that movie about doomed love, she's got her feminine traits but also likes dabbling in masculine traits, she dresses more masc (tho its still a solid middle ground, comfort is a big focus), she likes ufos and creepy stuff and jokes about spider babies in hair. idk it just felt like they're a matching set as far as gender goes, if they did combine into one being they'd be bigender 100%

anyway uhhh this got long thank you for sticking around fyjdtjdgjdyj

tagging (no pressure and no deadline, im sorry Wednesday is already basically over dyjxjydgj): @momotonescreaming @stellarspecter @dreamwatch @pearynice @withacapitalp

@queenie-ofthe-void @carolperkinsexgirlfriend @writing-kiki @eriquin @eyesofshinigami

(Vague Rules just in case this makes no sense xtjsdjtdyj: it's technically just Wiggly Wednesday and its where you just post your brainworms/fun ideas of the past week/day/whatever. its super loose, i like talking about brainworms for things ill never write and things im currently writing but you can do whatever. no set number of ppl to tag, just have fun!)

@puppy-steve @hairstevington @hotluncheddie @gleek4twd @klausinamarink

@soaringornithopter

[clownrecess]

As an autistic individual myself, I am interested in the intersection of neurodiversity and various identities.

You've mentioned that you identify as a Norse Pagan. I'm curious about how your spiritual beliefs intersect with your neurodivergent experience. Do you find that your autistic identity informs or impacts your spiritual practice in any way?

(Tw for discussions of trauma, religion, etc.)

Sorry for the late-ish response! I've been working on this post a little everyday to make sure I write it how I want it.

I dont think that my autism has impacted my religion or spirtual experiences/beliefs, but my brain as a whole does. (Update: It actually did influence it quite a bit. I'm realizing this after writing this post. So, uh, thank you for helping me realize something that I find quite interesting!)

When I was a kid, I was raised in christianity. I was very religious. I prayed everyday, I had a cross in my room, etc.

But heres the thing: I have OCD. A few different types, but out of those, one of them is religious OCD.

Most of my praying ages late 8-12 was done purely out of fear. At that point I wasnt even really a Christian, I was just really afraid, which really impacted how I viewed religion. I HATED conversation about it because it felt scary and icky to me.

I didn't understand why people would ever want to talk about it. It felt like a very private topic for me, so I figured people who go out of their way to talk about it must be trying to get extra "good points" with god (maybe that bit was caused by autism, actually.).

During that time, I would go through little phases of a month or so at a time in which I would try to "swing the opposite direction". This was around age 10-11. I was developing an intense anger toward the church, and I just wanted to be the opposite of they were, whatever that meant. Because I didn't want to think about religion (due to anxiety around it), I really didn't know what many religious labels actually meant because researching them made me very uncomfortable, so I briefly identified as a satanist (this would be on and off during ages 10-11.) despite really not knowing what that meant. I think I just wanted a way to separate myself from the church as much as possible.

A few months after I turned 12, I felt a really strong urge to research paganism out of nowhere (I didnt even know what "pagan" meant, I just suddenly felt the need to know things about it. It was very random.). It started sort of as a special interest (Maybe autism did influence me more than I thought! Interesting.), and so I would look into a lot of different branches of paganism, focusing most of my research around hellenistic paganism.

A few weeks after this, I had a very interesting experience which I now believe to have been a sign from Freyja (I dont want to go into specifics. It was personal and I want to keep that special to me. I might later, but for now it's just mine. Just know it was a very beautiful thing from her.). DIRECTLY following this event (Maybe an hour or two later), I felt another urge to research things, but this time to be looking into the Norse Gods/Goddesses (which I'd never even heard of at that point.).

At that point I ended up converting to paganism. It was an extremely sudden decision, but it made sense to me.

No matter what religion I had been apart of before, I always felt anxiety and guilt, causing me to try and fix things by becoming excessively religious again in a Christian way. But from the moment I became pagan, I just never had that ever again. It's been the only religion I've ever felt fully safe in.

It's obviously been quite a while since then, and I'm obviously still a Norse Pagan.

Whilst I now love all the gods and goddesses, Freyja will always be especially special to me.

At this point I have worked with: Freyja, Loki, Odin, Beyla, and Njord.

Now, I also think its important to mention another part of my brain that impacts my religious experience: I am in a system.

Nearly all of us identify as Norse Pagans, but we have a few Agnostics as well, a few Eclectic Pagans, an Atheistic Satanist, and a Theistic Satanist.

The primary religious identity within our system is Norse Paganism, with the majority of individuals identifying as followers of this belief system. Due to this, we say we are a Norse Pagan! We are also okay with just being called "Pagan" on it's own, though.

[elfi-nimwelana]

I mentioned in my previous post about a dream I had not that long ago, which made sense of some things that hadn't made sense, and comforted me in my struggle to accept the Divine in specific forms. I'll write it out now, as it's been on my mind since I woke up this morning. Now, this is a rather long account, so make yourself some tea or something. If you don't feel like reading it, that is fine too! This is here simply for those who do want to see it.

The dream began in the mercurial way most dreams do, with a bunch of imagery and ideas that I couldn't make sense of and which I now can't even remember: but when cognizance began to set in, I found myself walking a long path in what appeared to be a medieval-looking village, maybe the Tudor era. The buildings themselves didn't seem as important as the road itself, or the people who lined it: the road being muddy, grey, and well-trodden with puddles and uncountable footprints and wheel tracks; and the people, who gathered at its edges, similarly grey in tone and who huddled, small, pale, shivering with their heads hanging. Many of these people were people I knew, but who I had never talked to and whose names I never learned. It became quickly apparent that I was on a pilgrimage of sorts and that this place, whatever it was, was a sort of transitionary area for people who were in various stages of healing and brokenness from their experiences in life. Most of them looked exhausted and others withdrawn into themselves, so weighted by sorrow and pain that they couldn't even look up at people who were passing by. I understood that I was one of these people, but that I was simply in another stage of healing and was moving on to the next "area". I couldn't slow my pace, driven on by some force I didn't yet understand.

The place was hilly and stretched on for quite some distance, like the fringes of an old town where the working-class lived. There were fields and un-owned expanses, and while the sun did shine here it was numb and as grey as everything else, its light barely penetrating through a sky that was overcast not with clouds but some kind of oppressive energy. Everything was wet and sticky with mud. The further I walked, the more condensed the little Tudor-esque buildings became, and while the people who lined the sides of the road became fewer, they appeared to pack together into little groups a bit more. In one of these little groups I saw my older brother: he seemed a bit more aware than many of the others I had seen so far, but he also didn't appear to see me. Realizing that I couldn't distract him from his contemplation of his own earthly experiences, I passed him by, hoping that he would move on to the next "area" soon. I began to feel like I was searching for something or someone in particular on my journey, and continued on.

At a point I came to a crossing in the road, an intersection with several small alleyways branching off perpendicular to the main thoroughfare, and standing in the middle of this crossing was a group of three tall hooded figures with loose facial skin and wicked smiles that looked forced, an intentional perversion of joy, dripping with malignant intent. When I reached them they immediately crowded around me, not speaking, but assaulting my mind and heart with their dark energy, expressing their intentions beyond words. Frightened, I reached out and tried to strike one of them, but my blow -- while fierce -- glanced off of them and they laughed aloud, unharmed. They crowded closer, one of them looming in towards my face. Without thinking, and with my fear suddenly fleeing me, I reached up and laid a hand tenderly upon their face.

They immediately screamed, their skin sizzling, smoking, and burning beneath my touch. They fell back, caught by their fellows, who were now so distracted with what just happened that I was allowed to pass through the crossroads. Something registered in my mind, like a "download" that became hard-wired into my system: a lesson, the first of several to come, that while brute force has its place, oftentimes our insistence on Love and Gentleness is a much more effective tool against the forces of Darkness; if we are stubbornly insistent upon these and refused to be swayed, then we are by our very nature un-corruptible. When confronted with this, pure evil often doesn't know what to do, as much of their firepower rest in their ability to spawn hatred, violence, and doubt in the living.

Once I passed the crossroads I began to hear voices calling to me and see shapes of people -- colored, and unlike the mottled grey of the rest of this world -- fading in and out between the others who occupied this strange In-Between space. Soon an older woman appeared to me and spoke to me. I can't remember her specific words but she talked to me about how I was "nearly there" and that there were people waiting for me. Then, she vanished, moving on to wherever it was that I was supposed to be going. At this point though I was tired and so I sat down to rest among the other little groups of people who still sat alongside the road and began to contemplate with them.

Independent to the timeline of this journey and the events that took place, yet as an inextricable part of the pilgrimage, another message was slowly reaching me, one that used no words but only feeling and impression. It can't be accurately translated into human language: a Feeling of the Divine reaching out, and impressing upon me the notion that the Divine is beyond our ability to express in words, images, or forms -- it is Everything, and so it cannot be put in a neat little box with a label and confined only to one single idea. That there are many ideas of the Divine, and the purity of a soul can't be judged according to any mortally-enforced metric or failure to follow any one single system. This is equivalent to the idea of the Heavens being a limited-capacity space where only a certain number of people are allowed to enter, or akin to the idea that the brain is only capable of producing a limited number of dreams. Limited-space and limited-concepts are mortally-enforced systems, a corral created by earthly experience and which cannot apply to the Celestial world beyond and beside our own.

It has been said before that the simplest answer is often the correct one. The only thing that is constant in the structure of the Divine throughout any earthly system that makes proper contact with it, is Fundamental Goodness. This Fundamental Goodness, when embraced, naturally compels us to want to be and do good to others: this goodness-done creates peace, harmony, kindness -- all concepts attributed to a Heavenly power beyond our ability to comprehend -- and spreads itself in others who also embrace Fundamental Goodness, and compels them to reject wickedness naturally. Goodness is the one quality of the Divine that can be consistently relied on and which consistently spreads more goodness among earthly beings. Therefore, this Feeling impressed upon me, it is not necessary to refer to the Divine by any specific name or title or view it as any specific idea -- if you wish to, then that is well and good, but it isn't strictly necessary if you are following the Heavenly Principle of Fundamental Goodness. If you allow the Divine, in whatever form it takes in your heart, to influence you to spread its goodness and warmth to those around you, then the specifics of your beliefs are secondary. If a system or idea of the Divine is oppressing your ability to believe and feel Love and do good, then it isn't for you and would be best left to others who can relate to it. I have had some other dreams in the past that also reflected this idea/Feeling, though much less specific -- but I will save those for another time!

As I was resting in this final "area", I was suddenly swarmed by my family. Now, my relationship with my family is complicated at best and twisted at worst, but I won't go into details. In any event, they swarmed me and all of them began to assault me in every sense of the word: I was overrun by an entire constellation of sensations both physical and emotional, and I lost my ability to make sense of anything, perceive the world around me, or even think coherently -- I simply began to scream, unable to get away. This imparted the next Lesson: that your negative earthly experiences exist to distract you from your focus on that which is Fundamentally Good and Divine. They try to overwhelm you, to trick you into feeling disconnected, to frustrate you, agonize you, and push you to detach from your focus on things like Harmony and Love, and to think only of those things which are distressing you in any given moment. Evil works through these things and the people who commit them, especially on those who, as mentioned before, cannot be corrupted. This is an unfortunate and sorrowful part of life.

After a few moments of this myriad of assaults, the old woman from earlier in the dream showed up and my family dispersed, seeming to vanish into the greyness of the world-space. Shivering, I allowed her to put an arm around me and draw me away from where I was resting; she turned me around and I saw that I was no longer where I was a moment ago: the sad little village and its sad little road had disappeared and were replaced by a sacred compound of sorts, woven into a combination of ruins and natural formations. The ground surged and sank in little dips and rises, and there were small "rooms" of sorts where people with Color stood speaking to one another, or silently waving their arms and hands about, performing chants, magic, rituals, and prayers. Many worked in tandem with one another, wisping in and out of each other and others, like dancing vapors in human form. Compared to the places I had been passing through until this point, it felt like a festival where Heaven was alive.

This old woman guided me to a particular little space where someone else stood: a young woman of my age, who I knew in my waking life, dressed in the draping dress of an ancient Greek goddess, flowering vines curled about her head. I immediately seemed to understand why I was there and knelt down in preparation for the exhaustive process. The old woman left us, and this girl who looked like a goddess reached out, and so did I: our hands crossed in the air, and I felt a great whirlwind of feelings, visions, sensory information, and experiences rushing out of me from my toes out through my head; as these passed through our hands, it became colorful and organized and rushed towards the heavens like a chromatic and enthusiastic plume of smoke. It felt as though Something or Someone very important who was watching over us was delighted with this experiential offering.

This was the final lesson: that, whether we feel we have a Greater Purpose or are simply existing, our most basic and fundamental duty is to experience the life that was given to us, the good and the bad alike, and to do what we can to translate these experiences into Supernal Wisdom. Whether by design or tragic accident, life contains sorrows, outrage, pain, and suffering. These are as important to experience as the good things like love, peace, kindness, and generosity. Obviously it is also an earthly duty to try and curb or avoid the negative experiences for ourselves and others, when we can, but these things will happen at some point regardless. Life is like that. Not every negative experience imparts wisdom, and many can be avoided, but we must do what we can with these things when they do happen. Like gently laying a hand upon the face of a demon, if we do what we can to turn our tragedies and furies into something Sacred, then we have, in a sense, purified them, even if they still cause us pain. This, similarly to the belief in Fundamental Goodness, can naturally propel us to put more beauty and warmth out into the world, which in turn can help others in their own Pilgrimages. This all brings us closer to the Divine, little by little. To try and make something better out of something that hurts us is a sacred work that should not be ignored or looked down upon. It's one of those Human things that makes us what we are, but Better.

The dream faded out after this, and that's basically all of it. I hope it can be of some comfort to those who want to take the time to read it -- and to those who don't, I hope it doesn't take a calendar year to scroll past! I may write out more dreams and contemplations as time goes by, but for now I'll let this one marinate in elektraspace.

Good Fortune to you, dear reader.

[bobbydagen24]

an idea I had for a future film what about if it featured a Rogue Group of Trolls who didn't accept the peace that was made with the Bergens.

little idea I had for the story of a 4th film what about if it centered on our main characters trying to stop a Rogue Tribe of Pop Trolls who plan to Genocide the Bergens?

basically what it would be is that following the first film not all Trolls accepted the peace that was Brokered and they split off from Pop Village to start their own tribe.

who spent years planning to wipe out the entire Bergen population as Revenge for their lost loved ones.

maybe the film opens with a scene in Bergen town showing everything peaceful and happy and we see inside an important place like maybe some sorta lab or factory and the Bergens there get attacked by a group of dark hooded mysterious figures.

who kill the Bergens that were working there and somehow sabotage and maybe steal something important from the factory. Gristle asks Poppy and Branch to come check out the crime scene afterwards confusing them at first only for him to tell them that there's signs that this was caused by Trolls hence why he asked them there to help.

anyway long story short the film's about them going on a journey to find these Rogue Group of Trolls before they put some plan into action to wipe out all the Bergens.

the factory they hit at the start could have been to stop production of Bergen town's main source of food sending it into panic and also because they needed something from there in order to build a large weapon which they plan to use to destroy the town and everyone in it.

plus it'd be neat to have the main leader of the group be a sorta Dark parallel to Branch in that they also lost loved ones to the Bergens at a young age and spent years being obsessed with them.

only difference is they spent years preparing to fight and they didn't accept when the peace was made with them in the first film instead they bitterly broke off from the rest of the village along with a bunch of others.

and spent all this time planning Revenge on the entire Bergen population maybe throughout the film Branch is actually the one more determined to settle things none violently.

while his Bros just see this as something they need to solve with their fists not really understanding why Branch cares so much about trying to get through to these other Trolls.

since in this film it could explore how at the start Branch actually tried to hide from his Brothers his past as a reclusive paranoid hermit out of fear of judgment or scaring them away.

but eventually later on during a heated moment he does tell them exactly why he wants to get through to these Trolls so badly telling them he used to somewhat be the same way during his Bunker years.

but regardless of his attempts the Troll group can't be talked around and are all too consumed by hate and the climax involves their attack on Bergen town with their new giant machine weapon and the group trying to stop them.

and after the final battle where the main cast have been able to damage the weapon to the point its starting to malfunction everyone but the leader of the group retreats and Branch tries convince them to leave since the device is becoming unstable.

but the leader is too far gone to give up on their Revenge now and they continue trying to fire the weapon only for it to explode killing them.

anyway just a little idea I had a while back it'd probably be too dark a concept for them to actually use it in a main film but I find it interesting to think about.

it could make for an interesting villain with somewhat relatable motives and it could maybe help Develop Branch's relationship with his Brothers a bit further.

[ramuneempiremtl]

Slave-kun's Happy Life in Another World: Chapter 19

I wonder how long I waited.

"Owl, it's over…"

It was my master who hesitantly opened the bathroom door, after I felt like a long time had passed.

When I walked to my master with my legs that had stopped trembling, my master hugged me tightly.

You don't have to make such a sad face. You look like a dog that has lost its favorite bone.

"…It's my fault. I'm sorry."

"?"

"Because I didn't respond properly when we met at the branch… I guess she thought she could get her way with me if she pushed, so she followed me to the inn… I should have turned her down firmly."

"Master…"

I knew he was weak against pressure.

Indeed, if someone pushed you hard, you would probably say yes, Master. Especially since you seem to have a hard time being assertive with women.

"But thanks to that, she's gone now."

"Yes, that's right. No one will hurt you anymore."

"It's all thanks to you, Master."

"I just called the guards."

In retrospect, it was because the master, who was after the 'powder', bought me that I was able to get rid of that woman. If I had been bought by anyone else, I would have lived my life in fear of that woman's shadow.

I have to praise him for this.

It's hard to do anything when the master is still so down.

"The master who called the guards is amazing."

"……Yeah."

"You're great."

"Yeah."

There you go, even my poor vocabulary cheers me up a bit. Even dogs cheer up when you praise them.

With that out of the way, the master's stomach began to make a pitiful plea.

"Speaking of which, we missed dinner. Let's go."

"Yes."

I was led out of the bathroom by the master's hand and returned to my daily routine.

……

"Tch, it's gotten cold."

"I'll reheat it and eat it."

"Me too."

"Aki prioritized food even in this situation."

"Of course. Is there anything more important than food?"

As if nothing had happened before, a lively and noisy dinner began.

I had soup. Unlike yesterday, it was a white soup like a cream stew. There was also a little bit of meat in it. Chicken, maybe. It was delicious.

During all this commotion, Aki had apparently ignored everything and savored his meal slowly.

Apparently, Aki cooks for this party in exchange for the 'right to eat first'. That's why it's allowed.

Hmm, the bread is also delicious. Did you buy this too? I don't see any equipment in this room that could bake bread.

I want to be able to eat meat soon.

After dinner, I helped clean up the dishes and watched Aki prepare tomorrow's meal.

"Owl, come here for a moment."

I was beckoned by Nove and went to where the masters were chatting.

I wonder what it is. Is it work?

"Can you show me how you do your laundry? Oh, it's not that I have any complaints. I'm just curious about what kind of magic you use."

Try this, and I was handed a piece of cloth.

Nove seems to be good at magic, so maybe I can learn something from him.

I nodded and brought a bucket from the bathroom.

On top of that, I floated a water ball like I did during the day and swirled the cloth around inside, 'purified' it, drained the water, and put the used water in the bucket.

It's perfect, don't you think?

I held up the sparkling cloth in front of everyone.

"Wha…"

"I told you, Owl is good at controlling it, so it's okay."

"It's not about being good or anything."

"Great job, Owl."

Nove had a shocked look on his face with his mouth opening and closing, the master looked proud, Daine had an exasperated look on his face, and the leader was smiling and patting my head.

What is this?

"Listen… First of all, normally you only purify it, and even if you wash it with water, you don't float it and create a current inside! And then you add purification on top of that, and you separate only the water cleanly! You don't do that much!"

Nove is talking really fast. I guess I did something wrong.

I did the same thing every day at the mansion, but no one said anything.

Maybe that mansion was just a different world.

"Besides, you used a spell to get drinking water, right? Normally it's like this."

Nove put down the cup and water trickled out of her fingertips…

The cup filled with water.

"Got it?"

I don't understand anything?

"He doesn't understand anything."

"Ahhhhh! The point is, you don't have to float it every time!"

"Don't shout, Nove. It's fine because he's good at controlling it. When it comes to control, I was said to be a genius, and I'm on par with…"

"Those with poor magic power should shut up."

Is control the problem?

Getting water, keeping it afloat, creating a current in the water, casting 'purification' at the same time, separating only the water from the laundry cleanly…

I counted the steps involved in control and understood.

Yeah, I think it's a bit much.

I didn't know because I was just doing it all by feeling!

[wenchofthescullery]

What To Do During the Strike, Day 9

*

Subtitle: A loose collection of recommendations to keep you busy, should we suffer from similar tastes and interests.

*

So, religion. Sort of.

Although this series is about recommendations and not about me, the reader does inform the text. I should lay bare any biases of which I am aware.

I don't worship any named gods. Most of the time, I'm not sure what is going on in the most basic natural sense, much less anything supernatural. I'm certain there are more things in the World than are dreamt of in my philosophy.

That being said, there are a few constants I feel pretty certain about. Change is a constant (thank you, Octavia Butler), but so is the importance of where you place your attention. Focus on something, and it focuses on you -- or at least, your focus becomes a recursive process. How do you spend your time? Where do you focus your attention?

Living a human life feels an awful lot like careening forward into darkness, frantically building the roller coaster underneath you as you go. Things are happening faster than you can figure them out, whatever is underneath you is falling part all the time, and there is definitely a dearth of OSHA regulation in the situation. It is terrifying.

Life calls you to show up anyway -- sweaty, bruised face, ill-fitting clothes, and all. You don't get to stop the roller coaster. So, along the way, you have to figure out how to keep your cart in repair and get a look-see forward into where you are going. If possible, you have to learn how to do both of these things well, for whatever "well" may mean.

In another life, I completed a master's degree in philosophy and did my share of training in comparative religions. I think Buddhism has something to say about how to live a good life.

In addition to the academics, I also read a lot of mainstream writing about Buddhism (Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, The Tao of Zen, The Tao of Pooh, etc.). Somewhere along the way, I came across Charlotte Joko Beck and Nothing Special: Living Zen.

Y'all, Joko Beck is dense. So dense, much moreso than is obvious on the surface. These are the sort of writings that mire me down after a page or two, just trying to unfold the origami to see how far it expands.

We are rather like whirlpools in the river of life. In flowing forward, a river or stream may hit rocks, branches, or irregularities in the ground, causing whirlpools to spring up spontaneously here and there. Water entering one whirlpool quickly passes through and rejoins the river, eventually joining another whirlpool and moving on. Though for short periods it seems to be distinguishable as a separate even, the water in the whirlpools is just the river itself. … We'd rather not think of our lives this way, however. … The fact is, we take form for a while, then when conditions are appropriate, we fade out. … Our whole energy goes into trying to protect our supposed separateness. To protect the separateness, we set up artificial, fixed boundaries; as a consequence, we accumulate excess baggage, stuff that slips into our whirlpool and can't flow out again. … If our particular whirlpool is bogged down, we also impair the energy of the stream itself. It can't go anywhere. Neighboring whirlpools may get less water because of our frantic holding on. … Water that should be rushing in and out, so it can serve, becomes stagnant. A whirlpool that puts a dam around itself and shuts itself off from the river becomes stagnant and loses its vitality. Practice is about no longer being caught in the particular, and instead seeing it for what it is -- a part of the whole. … Zen practice helps us to see how we have created stagnation in our lives. … Unacknowledged depression, fear, and anger create rigidity. When we recognize the rigidity and stagnation, the water begins to flow again, bit by bit. So the most vital part of practice is to be willing to be life itself -- which is simply the incoming sensations -- that which creates our whirlpool.

I think there is something important here. I really, truly believe that many of the ills we do one another stem from being unable to face who we ourselves are, at the core. So there is lashing out in anger, but also the sedations of substances of abuse, excessive food and sex, all the ways to avoid dealing with pain and shame.

And it is also true that whatever you run from is driving you. A life of avoiding something is a life designed around that very same thing.

I suspect a form of practice that neither idolizes "enlightenment" nor specific teachers, which is focused on nothing special (just looking clearly and calmly at what is, in our everyday lives), probably has something useful to say to that.

This is a short documentary (~ 1/2 hour) about Joko Beck, titled Nothing Special. It has Dutch subtitles, but the audio is English. (I think she has a strong appeal to both the Dutch and Germans, from what I can find online. No surprise, then. :) ) The film touches a bit on some of the scandal and wrongness that infused traditional schools of practice in California at the time she was there, and thus why she moved away from it.

Her focus is on how to live a typical, everyday life embedded in the world and still incorporate the practice of Zen. You cannot just sit with practice and then walk back into the World with insight. It's a skill that needs development in context there, too.

"Therapy gives relief, and sitting gives freedom."

"It doesn't look like much, but once you do it, it gets a grip on you."

"The real Zen is just being aware of what is going on, because that teaches everything."

—————————

Next up is classic fantasy.

[keefwho]

June 24 - 2023 Saturday

10:18 AM

I feel like it’s possible that I could fall into the same slump as I did last weekend if I don’t watch myself. This is a valuable challenge though. This time there are some important distinctions. Firstly, I have the reassurance I need that friends and companions will not just disappear. Having that important conversation a few nights ago was very important in helping me realize that. Also the time I took exercising those first 3 ACT skills have helped get me out of my own head for now. I know it’s easy to slip up but right now I feel confident that with a little effort, this could be a fine weekend. 

On the surface my immediate stress/general upsetness comes from wanting to spend time with people I have deep connection with but I currently cannot. I already talked about this last weekend, it’s perfectly valid that they are unavailable on the weekends. It’s up to me to have other contacts or be able to happily exist by myself for a bit. The biggest thing that helps me achieve that is believing they will always be back. Even if we’re apart, we are together. Thats the kind of reassurance I think is normal, as opposed to an unhealthy desire to know someone won’t leave. I was lacking basic requirements that were largely brought about by my own thoughts and beliefs. I’m good for now. 

Now I have to figure out what to actually do with my weekend. I think I want to work on my next VRchat world and maybe play my Switch a little. If I feel more generally social, there are a couple people in mind I could try hanging out with. I also have the option to take a gummy which could be likely. 

12:21 PM

Currently evaluating myself and how I feel right now, keeping in mind the exercises I did the past few days. I have thoughts nagging at me that aren’t true, making me feel bad about myself. It’s classic “Since I’m not prioritized, I am not wanted whatsoever.” This one happens way too frequently, so much so that it’s starting to lose its effect just when I noticed it. Like when I was struggling with anxiety and I would fear the same thing over and over but it would never happen. It’s starting to become goofy how often I feel this way but I’m always proven wrong. I also got a little perspective on myself and my relation to others. I’d say all morning I was in the mindset of trying to please or live up to someone else’s expectations of me, or what I think their expectations are. It’s easy to fall into because I feel like it’s the only way to keep people around. It has the opposite effect however. I become boring because I have nothing to bring to the social table, only echoing their ideas back at them. Then when I am left alone, I realize I have nothing to show for myself. It’s a hard thing to catch and break free of. Not all my problems come from self doubt though. The fact that I can’t be spending time with my favorite person does make me sad, and that is normal. It’s a feeling that has be lived with while I branch out and discover other ways to fulfill myself. It’s okay to feel this way as long as it doesn’t consume me.

I think I need to be more vocal with what I want from others. By that I mean openly asking if someone wants to do what I want to do rather than trying to prod what they want to do just so I can get any time with them at all. I always believe that it is selfish of me to do that, or that they don’t like me enough to oblige. The reality is they will likely be into my idea and may even do it if they are unsure how they feel about it just because they like me so much. And they will just say no if they really don’t want to or can’t. I catch myself sacrificing for others too much and it would benefit me to catch myself before going too far.  

Im so ANGRY at myself, why can’t I just get over my own mind? I cause myself so much anguish for literally no reason and it makes others suffer too. I’m tired of it. I wanna chill and make lifelong friends and love myself and everyone around me. I just want to love honestly. Thats at the core of everything. I’ve suppressed myself for so long and developed many bad complexes and coping mechanisms. 

Every time I think I’m starting to gain control of myself, the smallest thing sends me spiraling back down. 

Sometimes I wonder is it really me stopping myself from believing I’m loved or do I really not get the time or attention that I need? How much is too much or too little? When is it a problem? It must be now because of how much I care about it. What should be done? 

[ninlilwinds]

Genshin Characters With Stressed out Reader because of testing.

Before reading: So this is my first actual post. I'm pretty new to this please have a bit of patience for any typos or anything of the sort. Reason for writing this is because of all the finals I have going on. Just took a pretty important test today, so this is for myself more than anything.

Characters: from Monstadt- Diluc, Kaeya, Venti. From Liyue: Zhongli, Xiao. Inazuma: Arataki Itto, Thoma. Other: Childe

Diluc

Diluc knows what it's like to be under pressure. He constantly has to work for his wine industry and manages to keep everything under control

Which is why when you come to him stressing about an exam, he knows just the tricks to help maximize your potential.

He teaches you all the ways he's learned speeches and documents last minute and help you study

Keeps his calm when you start to panic about not being able to remember a concept

He pays very close attention to what seems to me working best for you and focuses on those methods

When your mind doesn't seem to retain any more information, he tries to reassure you that you did your best, and it was time for a break

During the break he'd have one of his maids bring u a drink (like hot chocolate, tea, or coffee) and sits down next to you on the sofa. There he'd hold your hand and caress it lightly as you rested your head on his shoulder.

Kaeya

Never fear, your amazing boyfriend is here.

Despite not looking like it, Kaeya is a master at retaining information. He's had years of practice from memorizing documents in the nights of Favonius offices to speeches when master Jean isn't present, to having to remember subordinates and other people.

So, he gives you the methods that work best for him

He would praise u as u studied and occasionally chime in with a silly trick to memorize a concept like a silly rhyme or something.

When/if you fall asleep from studying, he'll pick u up gently and carry you to bed.

The day of the exam he's ready with a strong breakfast he woke up extra early to get at the Good Hunters and an encouraging 'good luck' kiss

Venti

I'm gonna be honest, I see this troublemaker laughing at your panic

He just doesn't understand why your so stressed. He's never had the stress of having a test before.

Once he sees how serious you are about this, he decides to help you

He brings snacks for you so you can think better and makes sure your always comfortable.

The review material you aren't using he looks at and memorizes himself. After your done with the current thing you were studying and go to what he was looking at he shows you cool rhymes and small little songs you can sing to remember the material

Later in the night he brings out his lyre and plays a calming tune, which ultimately makes you fall asleep

Which was his mission, for he could see just how exhausted you were from all that studying

Tucks you in and kisses u goodnight

Zhongli

If its history, then your in luck. If it's not, he'll try his best

Zhongli is generally calm, so when your panicked he remains composed, much like Diluc

He makes you some calming tea to help you clear your mind and focus. He also makes sure the area is quite and is there to help you figure out any concept you don't really understand

After your done studying, he reassures you of how you'll do great. You did make it this far after all.

Helps you fall asleep that night because your too anxious by telling you a funny story and stroking your hair gently

Xiao

honestly, he doesn't understand why mortals would need such a thing like exams and tests. Haven't you been learning this material all year? Why do you need something to prove you know it? And why does it cost so much from your grade

Kinda holds a grudge against exams for having you so stressed

He doesn't know many of the subjects well, so he just watched you from afar as you study

He's mostly hiding in the Wangshu Inn's tree branches and observes your every movement. The tapping of your pencil, when you tie your hair up, your eyes fluttering closed

Once he sees you've fallen asleep, he makes his way over and picks you up gently placing you in bed where it is more comfortable

Before he leaves, he looks to see what exactly you were learning and scoffs. When are you going to use that in life? Are they really stressing you out over this?

He learned that day that he doesn't like exams, even though he's never taken them

Arataki Itto

He was about to ask you if you wanted to go beetle fighting with him when he saw you hunched over your desk, eyes closed and a paper stuck under your cheek

What in the world happened to you!?

After you stir and see his confused face, you explain how you have exams and have been studying so much it's completely exhausted you

Oh no no he can't have you so stressed out and tired

He won't help you study, he'd distract you

Please you've been studying enough. Time for some fun. Beetle fighting and exploring Inazuma

But to be honest, he also doesn't help you because he can't really understand what any of the papers are saying. What is a mitochondria??? Or a cell???

He helps you relax and mentally prepare

Thoma

He knew your exam schedule before you did, so he helped you prepare beforehand.

He's a busy man, helping the Kamisato clan and all, so he has to finish his duties as well

But he keeps a close eye on you since he knows you have tendency to overexert yourself and end up passed out

As he cleans, he estate he has you in his line of vision

He's pretty proud of you. Look at you go. Knows for sure you'll pass with all the time and effort you've put into this

Once he's done cleaning and settling his matters, he whips up some snacks/food, since he knows your probably hungry by now

Takes a break and eat with you too

Once you're done with your break, its back to studying, but it's he encourages you. He has full confidence that you can do it.

Childe

You have an exam? Oh no worries he's got you covered.

Need a tutor? Found. Review books? Got them. Can't contact your teacher? No worries.

He helps you in every way possible. He wants you to be the best you that you can be

But don't ask him any questions on the reviews, because he does not know

Don't get me wrong, he's very smart. But his harbinger duties have made him forget more of the scholar side and focus more on the strategic, undercover witty side

Any other way, though, he will help

The morning of the exam he's left a note since he had to leave early for some harbinger duties saying how you got this and to be confident in yourself since you worked hard.

Thanks for reading so far. Let me know how I did and any pointers you have!

[lily-drake]

Fantasy/Twin AU

Sorry for being late and not posting for a bit. Was a bit burnt out and had writer block. I will go back to write the other days soon though. Also, sorry, I suck at writing wing aus, this is my first time doing it.

Earth J-236, an earth full of mystical life.  An earth where everyone is born with wings.  Your wings represented who you are; well not really, but that’s what people believed.  If your wings were bright and colorful then you were obviously an amazing person, but if your wings were darker or had little color, then you have great evil in your soul.  Marinette was born seconds after her twin, Damian.  It takes a few years before your wings fully grow in, usually to about 6.  But with the accelerated growth serums used in their artificial wombs, it took them till they were three for their feathers to sprout.  Damian’s were black like their father’s with subtle hints of red like their mothers.  Marinette’s were pure black, devoid of any color, and her mother was so proud of that.  She was the League’s charm, for it’s believed that anyone with pure black wings was pure evil.  Her only purpose being to protect her brother, nothing else was more important than her brother’s safety.  She would die for him, because if he died she might as well have died as well as her only purpose for living would be gone.

Damian glared at his sister, his wings ruffling in annoyance.  She was hovering close to him again, and she never said anything to him ever unless she was completely sure they were alone.  He did not believe that his sister was or could ever be, “pure evil” just because of her wings.  In fact, her mannerisms are the exact opposite of what people believed.  She, in her own ways, is caring, sweet, and protective.  He had seen, and helped, her nurse a baby bird that had fallen from its nest back to health.  She would often place little things around the base for only him to find such as some extra baklava, a throwing knife, a drawing of someone, beads, or other random objects.  Grandfather had always been extra hard on her, making sure she wouldn’t betray them, she wouldn’t become “evil enough to lose herself”.  Sometimes she would sneak into his room at night, and it tore him apart to see silent tears run down his little sister's face as small black raven feathers fell onto the floor from her days worth of training.  He had been learning how to fly, her wings had been clipped every two or three months so she could not leave the base.  She had learned long ago to control her facial and wing expressions, but he could always see the droop in them and the sad shine in her eyes as she stood on the ground while he was in the air.

________

Marinette looked up and watched as the fiery Phoenix flew through the air setting Nada Parabat aflame.  She didn’t feel much as she watched her grandfather get blown up.  She only felt great anxiety and fear as she could not find her brother.  She loved her brother, and if her job was to cause chaos, she would make sure she could prevent it from hurting him.  Grandfather had told her about how cursed she was, it’s why they had to be extra tough on her, and she understood that.  They couldn’t have her hurting anyone they needed, only the people they wanted gone.  She was angry at grandfather yesterday for taking some of her feathers for failing a task, this must have been her fault.  She didn’t want to hurt her brother, her wings had only proven nothing but destruction.  She had to leave now, then she could go where no one else was, and she wouldn’t have to hurt anyone else.  So like a coward, like the disgrace she was, she ran.  She kept her wings tight against her back making sure that no one could grab them as she ran.  An arrow hit one of them, but she didn’t have time to think about the burning pain as she ran and ran and ran farther and farther and farther away.  Tears ran down her cheeks as she silently prayed that her brother would be okay.

She didn’t know how long she ran, but she knew it must have been a really long time as she had just collapsed from exhaustion in the woods.  She looked back at her wings and slowly and carefully spread them out and hissed in pain from where the arrow had pierced her left wing.  Drops of red slowly dripped down her feathers and dropped on the ground.  She quickly closed them and made sure they were as small and put away as possible.  She looked up at the trees made of brass with different colored jade leaves.  Pearl-like apples growing on a few.  She watched a baby griffon follow it’s mother in the distance, turtle ducks waddling to a pond somewhere nearby, deer nibbling on plants, she could hear the rustling of leaves and branches from unseen creatures and everything was getting more blurry and dark.  She was cold, it felt very cold.  She slowly unwound her wings from around herself and closed them tightly around her, but that didn’t stop the chill that went deep down to her bones.  She was a failure, a mistake, she would only cause harm.  Here she wouldn’t be able to do that, and if she died here, then no one would be hurt by her again, and wasn’t that such a nice thought.

________

Tom and Sabine had finally been able to hire some trusted employees and explore places in Tibet.  They had made lots of money over the years with their successful bakery, and they thought now was a better time than ever to go on a real honeymoon as they hadn’t been able to afford it before when the bakery had first started.  It was during one of these forest explorations when they saw a trail of little drops of blood and felt they needed to follow it.  What they discovered broke their hearts.  There lying on the cold forest floor was what appeared to be a child hugging their very black wings around them.  They knew of the rumors and myths of black winged people, but they did not care.  They believed that their wings were not what made them evil, but rather situations put into their lives.  Sabine quickly checked for a pulse, and though it was slow she sighed in relief when she felt it.  She quickly handed the small unconscious girl to Tom and they both quickly went to the nearest hospital.  How could someone leave such a small child all alone to die like that?  It looked as if she had been injured if the dried blood on the small fragile wings said anything.  And worst of all, upon closer examination, they had been clipped, recently too.

As soon as they arrived they carried the small girl to the front and demanded that they take her in.  They waited until the doctors were done and gave them permission to visit claiming to be the girl’s adopted parents.  It wasn’t technically a lie, they would be soon even if Sabine had to force it to happen.

When Marinette woke up she knew something was off.  She was under a blanket, she’s never been given a blanket before.  The sent of bleach and chemicals were everywhere and it hurt her nose.  There was a beeping noise next to her that was giving her a headache.  She didn’t know where she was, and that was bad.  She opened her eyes a small fraction so nobody could see she was awake and looked around as much as she could.  The entire room was white and there were bright lights.  There were two strange people waiting in chairs near where she was laying.  She wondered if they were the ones who brought her here.  Slowly she opened them up all the way and silently sat up.  It’s best to make no noise, then she wouldn’t disturb anyone.

“Oh sweety, I’m so glad you’re awake.”

The woman said in a cheery and relieved manner, but she just continued to watch and study them silently.  Her wings felt stiff against her back, though she made sure they didn’t move or give anything away.

“How are you feeling dear?”

Silence greeted them, and her face remained as impassive as ever.  They wanted something, why else would they save a freak like her?  What were they aiming for here?

“Did your parents hurt you?  If so, we can take you away from them.”

Marinette’s eyes widened only a fraction.  These were randoms, innocents if you will.  They obviously had no idea who she was, and they seemed unafraid of her and her wings.  Did they not know how dangerous she was, didn’t they know that black wings meant she was cursed?  The man and the woman looked at eachother and spread their wings.  Marinette was shocked, but she wouldn’t show it.

The large man had light brown eagle wings while the small woman had white and black woodpecker wings.  She wanted to reach out and touch the feathers, but then something bad would happen to them, so she held her hands together.

“We don’t care what your wing color is.  Your wings don’t define who you are, it’s what you do with your life that does.  Can we please help you?”

The woman said sincerely as she gripped the man’s hand in hers.  She felt a pull to them, something telling her to accept.  She didn’t want to hurt them though.  But maybe she could protect them?  Maybe she could find a way around her curse and make sure they don’t get hurt?  Slowly she nodded and they both looked so happy when she did.  She hoped that she wouldn’t hurt them, they didn’t deserve to be cursed.  Maybe if she didn’t touch them things would be ok.  If she didn’t let them touch her then it wouldn’t spread.  She could do this!

________

Apparently she couldn’t do it because this is a very affectionate family, and the first thing that happened before they let her sleep on their —super fluffy, pure Heaven— bed was give her a hug.  She had made sure that her wings were tucked under her clothes and tight against her back the entire time though.  So they didn’t touch her wings, so maybe that meant they wouldn’t be cursed.

It was strange, because the next morning they went to a courthouse, and she was adopted.  She hadn’t said anything throughout the entire event, she just watched and observed what people did.  They stayed in Tibet for another few days before they flew to Paris, France.  This was supposed to be her new home.  The city of light and love.  Maybe here, it would stop her curse.  It was so bright that it had to block out her darkness.  She still always carried one of her knives with her, she felt naked without one.  Tom and Sabine seemed to understand somehow, and said that it was her business and that was enough for them till she was ready to talk about it.  It was strange not to be interrogated for now wanting to tell someone something.

Marinette had lived with the Dupain-Chengs for about a year now.  It was strange really, they were honest business people and their joy was always sincere.  They didn’t question much of what she did even though it was probably weird to them.  They didn’t punish her for messing up like the league did, and they never went near her wings without permission.  They never plucked her feathers, and they would often ask if they could preen her wings.  She would refuse every time, but she would often wonder what it would be like to have someone else touch them.  Think of what it would be like if she weren’t cursed.  When it was time for school she would always wrap them around herself then tape them so no one would see or be able to touch them.  Things were finally going well, she couldn’t risk it now!

There was a blonde brat that liked to act like she was above her, and because her wings were always hidden with no explanation she made sure everyone knew that she was “wingless”.  She didn’t care though, being wingless was better than being evil winged.  She never really said anything in class or to other students, she never gave much reaction keeping her stoic face up.  The brat left her alone soon after for being a, “ridiculous!  Utterly ridiculous freak.”  And nobody was the wiser.

Being Lady Chaos was….the best thing that ever happened to her if she was being honest.  Even with pure black wings, people still thought she was a hero.  She never flew, she was scared she’d fall and die.  She was never allowed to fly before, and even if she technically can do so now, it’s not worth the risk.  Her partner though, Mr. Bug has gold, red, and black wings.  He can fly through the air with ease she wished she desperately had.  Sometimes after patrol she would go to the very top of the Eiffel Tower and just stretch her wings out as far out as she could.  She would close her eyes as the wind blew past her and ruffled her feathers and pretend that she was soaring through the air.

________

Year three of living with Tom and Sabine she was comfortable talking to them more, and with Plagg there to control her chaos she finally let them touch her wings.  It was strange really, she never took care of her wings, never cared enough to.  When she first felt the hands on her feathers she had to will herself not to draw them back for fear of them plucking or ripped out.  But Sabine’s hands were so gentle and smooth that they seemed to move on their own and go closer to her touch.  Sabine would smile and hum as she gently preened the dark raven feathers that were soft and smooth.  Maybe she could finally tell the class that she wasn’t wingless soon, and maybe they would be okay with it.

No, they would not as she learned from listening to her classmates talk to the new student, Lila Rossi.  To them Lady Chaos was the only good black winged person because she was chasing after Mr. Bug to earn his affections.  Lady Chaos was obviously evil before she met Mr. Bug and she would always be evil no matter what she did.  Marinette felt nauseous that she ever thought about telling them the truth.  She had never felt more betrayed than she felt now, because she had given them her trust, and they broke it without even knowing it.  After that day, she made extra sure that her wings were hidden and wore a bit thicker clothing just in case.  Tom and Sabine are a little worried about it, but she calmed them pretty quickly.  She was fine, it wasn’t like they were all great friends to begin with.  That’s probably why everyone sides with Lila and decides that she’s a terrible person.

She had tried leaving her past behind, pretending that she didn’t hurt and kill people.  Pretend that she wasn’t a weapon.  She tried to push it far away, but it wasn’t enough.  It was never enough.  She had abandoned her brother.  She betrayed the league.  She did unspeakable things to please someone who would never care about her, just her use.  The city of lights seems duller than usual, it was probably her fault Hawkmoth came to be in the first place, afterall she was cursed to bring ruin everywhere she went.

________

Lila and Chloe thought it would be a great idea to bring everybody to the Crime Capital of the World for their senior trip.  Probably to watch people flounder and worry when things go wrong, which they definitely would.  She had stopped Hawkmoth a month before the trip, but Mr. Bug took all the credit for it. The arrogant self centered bas*.  Adrien kept giving her side glances that always made her feel uncomfortable and slightly disgusted.  During school he would try to touch her with every chance he’d get.  He almost discovered her wings at one point.  She couldn’t do anything about it before because of the stupid your-rich-so-do-whatever-the-heck-you-want treatment.  Now that Adrien’s family fortune is gone, and people don’t trust him because of what his dad did, so he has to be more careful.  He now kept some distance, which she was extremely grateful for.

She would have broken his hand, she had imagined it plus other things more than once.  But then Tom and Sabine would get in trouble by Gabriel for her actions.  They didn’t deserve that, they had been nothing but good to her since they found her abandoned in that forest.

She would be fine though, as long as Lila had a grip on his arm and she was in the back, away from him.  She listened to their tour guide, Richard Grayson, talk about the history and importance of WE.  The architecture was brilliant really, and you couldn’t blame her for having to draw and sketch it.  She often thought of Damian when she sketched.  She used to leave drawings for him around the base, little things that expressed her adoration for him without getting too close.  She wondered if he was still with the league, had he escaped, did he die?  She hoped that wasn’t the case, she hoped that he would be alive and well.  Bright orange and white wings nearly slapped her in the face if she hadn’t stopped right before the movement had occurred.

“Oh my gosh!  I’m so sorry Marinette!  Sometimes my wings just spasm out of control like that!  I didn’t hurt you did I?”

Marinette just silently rolled her eyes and took a few steps backward and watched the class glare at her waiting for her to comfort the liar.  She would never lower herself to do that.  She was still an Al Ghul afterall, even if she did leave it behind when she fled.  She was thankful when lunch came, she waited far away from the line and watched silently from a dark corner to make sure no one would hurt her.  Then she felt it, a hand touching her back feeling for something.  She quickly and instinctively grabbed the arm and twisted it behind them pinning it behind their back at a painful angle.

“Ukhti, let go.”

Marinette knew that voice.  She remembered that name and she could feel her heart stop.  The lunchroom was silent as they watched the small bluenette silently and quickly release the “Ice Prince”. Everyone watched with bated breaths to see what would happen next.  The boy’s wings were ruffled in agitation and fear.

“Where are they?”

He demanded.  Marinette knew what he was talking about, she simply wrapped her arms around herself and turned her head away definitely.

“Why are you hiding them, Malak?  Please.”

Marinette could feel her wings moving in defiance to what her brain was saying.  They wanted to be shown, they wanted to be touched by her brother again.  She looked down and slowly uncrossed her arms from her body.  Damian gently took her hands in his and looked directly into her eyes.

“Everything will be ok, Taw'ami.”

She slowly nodded and with shaky fingers reached under her hoodie and began to slowly unwrap the tape that kept her wings confined.  When all the tape was in her hands she hesitantly removed her hoodie and let her wings unfold from around herself and into the open.  She had made shirts that let her wings slip through slits in the back that were tailored to her wings specifically and were most comfortable.  Damian marveled at how big her raven wings had grown and how shiny they were.  He reached out a hand slowly and gently ran his fingers down the inky black that was her wings.

Shouts of fear and accusations were thrown at her, mostly from her class.  She didn’t listen though, she just observed.  The tour guide was coming over now, probably to kick her out.  He had such lovely wings though,  they were a deep navy blue that looked similar to black with dark red and light blue running through them.  They looked so well kept and soft.

“Damian, what’s happening?  Who is this?”

“Grayson, meet my twin sister, Marinette.”

“You have a twin?!”

Richard exclaimed loudly, drawing even more attention.  The insults and jeers stopped after that.  She looked over at the class and smirked when she saw their shock and confusion.

“Yes, keep up.”

Damian said brusquely.  They must know each other well then.

“Come, we must take her away from these imbeciles and take her to father.”

Damian grabbed her wrist and tugged, her quickly falling into line like she used to when he did this.

“Now tell me Ukhti, have you been taking care of yourself?”

She nodded as they came to an elevator and walked into it with Richard right behind them.  Marinette felt her feathers fluff up nervously.  She wasn’t in control of them right now, and she wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Damian ran a hand gently down her right wing trying to smooth it down.

“Things will be fine Marinette.  Just watch, father will be glad to meet you.”

She looked him in the eyes and squeezed her hands together.

“No, I have not told him about you.  Things will be fine though.”

He seemed to understand her weird way of communicating, she still didn’t understand how he did.  Richard cleared his throat and both turned to look at him.

“Sorry to interrupt, but um…I’m Dick, I’m Damian’s, and yours I guess, oldest brother.  It’s nice to meet you.”

He spread his wings in a welcoming way that meant and showed safety and peace. Her wings involuntarily rose up as well to reciprocate his greeting.  When the door to the elevator opened again she quickly forced her wings to hide on her back trying desperately to keep them from sight.  Damian didn’t seem to like it, but he just grabbed her wrist and dragged her to a large office room.  The plaque on the door read “CEO Bruce Wayne”.  Their father was Bruce Wayne?!  She couldn’t go in there, she couldn’t curse him and ruin his life.  No, she had already messed up at the league, and she was just barely not messing up with Tom and Sabine, she would definitely ruin Bruce Wayne’s life, and she would not allow that to happen.  She tugged at his grip desperately trying to get away.

“Marinette, stop.  Your wings are not cursed, that was a lie.”

Marinette shook her head and kept trying to escape the iron-like grip.

“Do you not trust me anymore?”

She froze at that and quickly shook her head.  Of course she trusted him, it was her that shouldn’t be trusted.

“Good, because we’re going in now.”

And that was that, because the door was now open and she was being dragged into the office room where their father and another boy with large bags under his eyes stared at them.  Damian puffed up his chest and feathers letting his strong, big, and brilliant wings rise into the air.

“Father, this is your daughter, my twin, Marinette Erebus Al Ghul-Wayne.”

They both stared at her in shock and Marinette slowly and cautiously raised her despicable black wings into the air.  Both stared at them in awe before looking back at her, but she didn’t meet their eyes.  She didn’t want to see the disgust and hatred in their eyes.

After a few moments she looked up and saw their wings greeting hers like Dick’s had.  Their father’s wings were a mix of black and dark grey alternating the color in each row of feathers.  The other boy’s were black at the top and slowly turned to red at the bottom.  But they were welcoming her openly, so that must mean something!  Well, it was time to get to know her father, she guessed.

[kynimdraws]

Hey Kynim, what reason could the Church of Seiros, the Central Church, to interfere with more positive relations with the outside world? Do they fear that different religions could make their role less important and eventually make them bo longer in control of Fódlan or even the most wierd idea; that new branches of the Seiros religion would develop in other countries like Almyra. The last one is a funny idea, but what is your idea on why they this is the case?

Gonna put this under the cut bc it got a bit long ;w;

FYI: I do not really enjoy FE3H/FEW3H discourse but I know topics like this will probably attract that sort of crowd. My bias is for Claude/Leicester/Golden Deer, and this includes the "dreaded" GW!Claude that people dislike. 3Hopes despite all the flaws in narrative I love over 3Houses in general. The other factions/lords, while interesting, I am not as invested. So please don't label me as some apologist for anyone that isn't my stated bias. 

BTW my answer to this ask will focus more on Seiros/Rhea so don't expect much Claude in this lol

In theory, I think the Church of Seiros would be ok with being friendly with the outside world. But the issue lies in Seiros/Rhea's priority of self-preserving 1) the remaining Nabateans and 2) the following that Sothis had with humans. And given how the Nabateans were nearly driven to extinction by Nemesis, I feel like Seiros/Rhea has a deep-seated suspicion of humans despite her image as the best holy woman since the goddess herself.

For her, the only way to prevent humans from causing another massacre is to make the current humans in Fodlan to believe in the goddess Sothis and never question her tenets. This meant hindering/banning things that could potentionally "reduce faith" in the goddess as mentioned by the Abyss text "The Encyclopedia of Fodlan's Insects" which you can read here. The title may be misleading but you can see some of the odd examples of Church banning things to maintain "peace" via preventing humans from questioning their religion with devices like telescopes, autopsy, and the like. We also see in GW that technology at least Almyra is far advanced compared to Fodlan, as seen here:

So it seems that Fodlan is an isolated area for Seiros/Rhea to feel safe over trying to spread its influence. It is important to note that the Seiros Church is a shelter for the archbishop. Keeping the area that houses her shelter safe is what she wants the most, which stated rather clearly in both games. Given that her first time she had to deal with the non-believers of Sothis ended in an extremely traumatic event, you can see why Seiros/Rhea is hesitant to reach out.

"But wait," you might say. "All these foreign nations seem to be intent on attacking Fodlan so they are a victim! Who wouldn't want to isolate themselves and distrust outsiders knowing that?"

The game unfortunately only shows the Fodlan point-of-view when it comes of past events...so it might seem that way at first. But it is also interesting how Fodlan despite being a "victim" of all these attacks, usually come out on top and end up subjugating/annexing nations, even claiming their superiority over them by calling their "foreign" neighbors as monster and savages. Given how Fodlan is sort of a loose parallel of Europe and how Eurocentric certain historical events are in academic books...I just don't personally buy Fodlan being completely innocent.

While Seiros/Rhea may not have actively supported these wars/conflicts in Fodlan, she still is their symbol whether she wants to be or not.Given how long her reign has been (either as Rhea or some other alias being archibishop), this weighted reputation precedes her. Yes, the game shows she isn't a cartoon villain and can do good. Her devout followers see it and fight for her.

While the game sucks at showing this, it is clear her long leadership is not perfect and has become stagnant, letting the nations abuse the system she had initially laid out (probably with good intentions?).  Insert joke of Rhea being the late Queen Elizabeth here. 

3Hopes glosses over this but in 3Houses we see her multiple times using the Church’s influence to do take action on things, like suppressing rebellions and ousting bandits (see: White Cloud events). Still, most of these are used to protect her establishment and the order she set for the continent. Other social matters, Rhea does not really do anything unless she herself is threatened. So people like Edelgard felt justified in waging her war to just...uproot all of that obsolete system to reset everything.

Is that a great idea? I am not really sure, but it did make for two fun FE games lol.

[absolutepokemontrash]

MC’s half Demon, and they look AWFULLY familiar...

‘Kay guys, I got a different kind of stupid Headcanon to throw at you. Get ready!

Part 2 Lessons 1-5 Part 2.5 Group Retreat Lessons 10-12 Lessons 13-15 Part 3 Part 4

*ahem* picture if you will, it’s the day the exchange program is set to start. The student council (nix Mr. Kill All Humans, Weeb-supreme, and our Scummy Sweetheart) have assembled to welcome the new human student. All is going according to schedule, the portal opens up at eight am sharp, they hear the pitiful screams of the selected human who was not given a heads up about the whole thing, and the poor little human falls straight onto the marble floor.

There’s something a tad... off about this human don’t you think? After they’ve peeled their sorry ass off the floor they observed the assembled student council with an air of sophistication and self importance that no one expected. Their posture was perfect, their eyes sharp and calculating... they bared a striking resemblance to-

“Lucifer,” Diavolo looked to his right hand man, then back to the human. “The human kind of looks like you!”

And out popped four pitch black wings from the human’s back and two small horns out of the sides of their head, one horn was a bit bigger than the other. They even still had some of their down feathers! How cute!

((Content warning: Swearing (I have a potty mouth, forgive me), but that’s it.))

Luci-dad

So, the MC is Lucifer’s kid! Of course Mr. Prideypants immediately tries to recall exactly what little romp in the human world uh... spawned this half-human half-demon child of his. Good thing MC’s got the other parent on speed-dial.

“Please note, MC,” Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose upon hearing Asmo take even more pictures of his newly discovered hellspawn. “I was not aware of your existence, if I was I’d-”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m not upset.”

Lucifer blinked a few times in surprise. “P...pardon? You aren’t upset?”

“No, my parent told me that my father was a high ranking demon, and they bare no ill will against you. Though, I am looking forward to this whole... exchange program thing.”

Oh wow, that was easier than Lucifer thought. Damn. Well, he was a father... (let’s be real, he’s been parenting his brothers for thousands of years, and a good chunk of you sinners call him daddy)

MC is probably the most protected student at RAD, despite the fact that they have no visible security detail whatsoever. They didn’t want to be seen as... weak and pathetic.

Something about this human just... set the lesser demons on edge. Any talk of eating them was stamped out on the first day when they walked by. It’s like Lucifer himself was staring at them, daring the demons to try and bother the human. MC’s powerful presence kept them protected and feared.

...at least until dear uncle Asmo decided to do their hair one morning. All those ribbons may have looked adorable but they kind of ruined the intimidation factor.

MC loved to mess with the other students, keeping their lineage a secret for the first little while just made it so much funnier when the other demons tried to scramble out of MC’s way without looking like they were running from the ‘weak little human exchange student’.

Oh wow, what a sadist. Like father like child

Flying lessons are a must. Poor MC isn’t terribly good at controlling their wings, and their horns are still growing in so when they pop into their demon form the first thing they get is a sore skull. Ow... it sucks that Lucifer isn’t outwardly very sympathetic.

“Ow!” MC crashed face first into the grass in the backyard of the House of Lamentation. “Father! My wings are cramping! Can’t we practice this tomorrow?”

The sight of seeing his dear child crash face first into the ground had lost its hilarity after the first three times. Lucifer slowly lowered himself to the ground and crossed his arms as he stood over his incredibly grass-stained kid.

“MC, we’ve been ‘practicing this tomorrow’ for the past month. If you want to learn to fly you’re going to have to actually manage to stay in the air for more than three minutes.”

MC shot Lucifer a withering glare that only preteens were capable of, Lucifer matched it with his own much more sophisticated glare.

“You’ve been flying for over a thousand years! Don’t you have any tips that can actually help other than ‘don’t panic, you’ll look ridiculous’?”

Lucifer dragged a gloved hand down his face and looked around, the two were alone as far as he could see.

“MC,” Lucifer began. “When I was a young angel, I needed to learn how to fly with someone else.”

MC perked up. “Who?”

“Michael. The smug bastard picked up flying quicker than I did.”

“What’d you do?!”

Lucifer smiled at his child’s intense investment. “I practiced flying every day for five extra hours until I could do everything that Michael could do, just better.”

MC’s starry eyed interest died almost instantly upon hearing about the extra five hours of practice. “Humph, I bet I could outfly younger you and Michael with only two hours of practice a day.”

“Really now?”

“Yes! Watch!” MC shook off their wings and took off in a running start before shakily making it into the air. Their form was decent enough, and they weren’t shaking as much as the previous attempts. “SEE?!”

“Yes MC,” Lucifer smiled. “I can see.”

You know what else Lucifer could see? MC crashing right into a tree.

“Ouch...”

Okay... maybe they could halt practice a little early and order a treat from Madame Scream’s. A little sugar to refuel is needed when the end goal is crushing a mutual rival beneath their heels. Just some good old fashioned father/child bonding time!

MC has a smaller seat right next to Lucifer’s seat in the Assembly Hall. I will not compromise on this one.

For all your fluff needs, I give you: Lucifer teaching MC how to play the piano. He has a proud little smile on his face when his kid finally starts getting it. That’s all. Enjoy the image.

That one Uncle who gives you Alcohol at Family Gatherings (Mammon)

Yeah, when Mammon burst in late to the party and whining about everyone’s spamming him with texts to haul his scummy ass to the Assembly Hall, the last thing he expected was to see a mini-Lucifer.

“What the fuck am I lookin’ at?!”

The glare the two Lucifers gave the poor Avatar of Greed was enough to make him want to turn tail (uh, wing) and book it down the hall.

“Mammon, this is MC. They’re my child.”

“Hello.”

“...whaaaa..?” Mammon looked between the two, same glare, same intimidating aura, same annoyingly good posture.

Mammon scratched the back of his neck and looked over at his older brother. “Do I uh... still gotta babysit em’ if they’re not human?”

“The lake of Cocytus will melt the day I let you babysit without supervision.” Lucifer grumbled.

“I don’t need a babysitter!”

Despite Lucifer’s initial denial, Mammon and MC ended up spending a lot of time hanging out when Lucifer was busy with paperwork. Of course Mammon’s first thought was ‘how do I profit off this situation?’

MC is now Mammon’s designated babysitter after they caught him picking up their feathers that had fallen off with the intention of painting them white and claiming they were Lucifer’s from back in the Celestial Realm.

Mammon does end up spoiling MC a little. Just a smidge. They’re the kid of his totally not his favourite brother after all! How could he not? Whether or not these gifts are obtained legally or are legal at all is subject to scrutiny.

“Mammon, I can’t drink this!” MC placed the bottle of Demonus back on the counter of the kitchen.

“Why not? That’s a bottle of the good stuff! We gotta celebrate you gettin’ an A on that test somehow!”

“I’m underage! Incredibly underage. I’m not legally allowed to drink.”

Mammon wordlessly plopped a silly straw into the bottle. “...does that help?”

“No.” MC then inclined their head to the bottle. “And I don’t want to get hung from the ceiling, that bottle was in my father’s study yesterday, I’m above theft.”

“How old are you s’posed to be anyway? Never mind... uh...” Mammon wracked his brain for something else he could do for MC that didn’t cost anything (don’t judge him, the poor bastard was flat broke!). “I could... teach you to drive!”

“Driving?”

“Yeah! Drivin’ is awesome! We can take my car!”

The bills for the damages done to the car and the Devildom were mailed to Lucifer the next day, and MC and Mammon got to keep each other company as they hung from the ceiling. Ah well! At least MC wasn’t upside down!

Mammon wasn’t that good of a flight teacher either, he also crashed into a tree (the same tree MC crashed into, actually) when he was cheering for MC. They were finally able to do a loopdy loop! He was proud and distracted! Okay?! Lucifer! Stop smirkin’ at him! It’s not that funny!

At least the vantage point from the tree was decent and the branches didn’t scratch him up too badly. Oh hey... that person walking by was wearing a very nice watch... he’d be right back-

That Uncle That is Always Absent From Family Gatherings and When He is Present He Leaves Early (Levi)

He missed everything. That is not an exaggeration. He was in the middle of an online raid battle and couldn’t look at his phone! No Lucifer he can’t pause an online game! That’s not how it works!

Okay, the human exchange student is half demon? WOAH! THAT’S JUST LIKE THAT ONE ANIME- W A I T. THE LITTLE NORMIE IS LUCIFER’S KID?!

Okie doke, he was fully convinced that MC just had to be an anime protagonist.

They binged every series that Levi compared them to. Sure MC might have missed a few assignments because of late night anime binges, but they were too good for this school crap anyway, right?

Nope. Lucifer put a ban on the two watching anime until both their grades improved. Surviving that hell brought the two together.

“Ugh!”

The sound of a pencil case being haphazardly thrown across the room made Levi peek out of his bed-tub. If his figurines got knocked over so HELP HIM-

“This is stupid!!I shouldn’t have to catch up with this!” MC crossed their arms and gave their Demonology textbook their best disapproving glare.

Lucifer Lite (tm) was having a hell of a time trying to claw through their missed work, and Levi sympathized, he really did, it’s just... he was playing Animal Crossing-

Levi paused the game to placate his anime-buddy when their wings popped out and he feared for his rare merch’s safety.

“H-hey, MC? Do you need help?” Levi’s offer was met with a bone chilling glare that lived rent free in his nightmares ever since. He had pulled a Mammon and forgotten he was talking to Lucifer’s child. Lucifer’s allergy to help must have passed down to MC.

“No! I don’t! It’s just... dumb!” MC hissed, she turned and looked over at the fish tank. “Right Henry 2.0?”

Henry 2.0 did not respond.

“MC, you need to finish your homework or we can’t watch anything together,” Levi sighed, he had finished his work over an hour earlier. He had mastered the art of all night anime binges and managing to do most of his work in the fifteen minutes between the time he woke up and the time school was supposed to begin. “We haven’t even binged all of volume 4 of TSL yet!”

“Mmm...” MC grumbled. “Fine...”

MC picked up their pencil case and began continued their work. Levi breathed a sigh of relief and went back to Animal Crossing.

The tiny normie did in fact finish their work, only after they caved and asked Levi for help. Swore him to secrecy, they did... very intimidating, they were.

Just saying, he most definitely sent that one Keanu Reeves meme with big Keanu and little Keanu but with Lucifer and MC to the wrong group chat. Poor bastard.

Flying lessons? No. Levi hadn’t flown since his time in the Celestial Realm, he had no advice to give other than: “Flap your wings!”

“THAT’S WHAT I’M DOING YOU-”

MC didn’t get to finish that thought, they lost their balance and fell right into RAD’s fountain. Ah well, Levi had a head start on running for his life that he squandered by laughing at MC. RIP.

The Uncle/brother/whatever the fuck that Starts a Fight With Your Dad at the Family Reunion. (Satan)

Oh... another Lucifer? Eugh. Gross.

Satan gave the kid a wide berth when they first met. Everything the kid said or did ticked him off. “Tsk. Look at MC. Making an omelette. So annoying.” “Oh wow, MC vacuumed? Roll out the red carpet, we need to celebrate their existence!” “Look at them. Breathing. Disgusting.”

MC’s pride wouldn’t ever let them admit it but... they knew Satan didn’t like them, and it hurt their feelings.

“Shhhh,” Satan whispered into his backpack.

“Meow.” The backpack replied.

“I said shhhhh.”

The backpack did not reply after that, which was a good thing considering the little princet of the HOL was nearby.

“Satan?” They asked. “Who are you talking to?”

Satan coldly brushed past them as he made his way to his room. “No one you need to concern yourself with.”

When the little calico kitten was safe in his room, Satan quickly realized a mistake in his foolproof ‘sneak a cat into the house’ plan. He didn’t have any toys for the kitten, and he didn’t want his books getting scratched...

It was alright, he’d just rush out to the a store that sold cat things and rush back! Five minute trip tops!

Well when Satan got back the cat was no longer in the room. Oh dear. He discreetly tore apart the house looking for the poor little thing until he ended up finding it in the library, happily chasing around a loose feather being held up by MC.

“Oh, hello Satan.” MC chirped as the kitten batted it’s adorable little paws at the feather.

“My... my door was closed. Did you let the cat out?”

MC shrugged. “I heard meowing.”

Satan ran a hand through his hair and grumbled. Stupid smaller Lucifer. Stupid original Lucifer. Everyone sucked.

“Let me guess, you’re going to run to Lucifer and tell him all about the meowing and the rule breaking.”

MC shook their head and glared at Satan. “Of course not. I’ve already gotten way too attached to this little guy anyway. We’re co-parenting this kitten like mature adults.”

With some coaxing, Satan did sit down and play with the kitten, maybe MC wasn’t... so terrible.

The two watch Unsolved Mysteries together, that’s their show. “This guy did it.” “Satan, we’re two minutes into the episode-” “Trust me.”

Thirty minutes later.

“He did it.” “See MC, what’d I tell you?”

Lucifer did find out about the cat, but with enough pleading, MC and Satan managed to warm up the cold spot in Lucifer’s chest where his heart should have been. The cat’s name is Detective Toe Beans (or just Bean).

Satan can’t fly, he has a tail, but he did read up on wing anatomy and how flight actually works in demons, his advice would be good in theory, but it’s full of so much technical jargon that MC can’t understand it.

At least MC didn’t crash into something, they barrel rolled through one of the HOL’s windows. Good thing it was the window to their room. The broken arm still hurt like hell.

The Best Dressed Bitch Who Brings The Booze to The Reunion. (Asmo)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Lucifer’s kid was SO CUTE! A thousand pictures commemorating that adorable moment needed to be taken! Wait- Lucifer- GIVE BACK THE PHONE-

Asmo, surprise surprise, absolutely adores little MC! So cute! So small! He was just so excited to announce to all his Devilgram followers that Lucifer was finally a certified DILF.

That post disappeared five minutes after it was made but the damage had already been done.

Asmo made sure MC looked their best at all times, if they needed help talking to anyone? Asmo’s got their back!

Sure, maybe he’s a little pushy, but pushy’s a good thing sometimes, right?

“Asmodeus-”

“No, these shoes wouldn’t fit you...”

“Asmo-”

“No, not these ones either...”

“ASMODEUS.”

Asmo squeaked and jumped upwards, Geez Louise... little MC’s voice could sure be scary when they wanted it to be...

“I don’t need any fancy new shoes.” MC huffed, sitting up straighter in one of the chairs in Asmo’s room. “I thought this was supposed to be a sleepover.”

“Hmmm...” Asmo pouted. “Makeovers are an essential part of sleepovers... what’d you do with your human friends up in the human world that could possibly be better than a make-over?!”

MC began to list things off. “Ordered junk food, talked about people we hated, watched movies,”

“Greasy food is so bad for your skin...” Asmo cringed and shook his head violently. “But I’m totally down to watch a movie and bitch about people I hate!”

“Ah yes, human sleepovers, a tradition I never quite had the chance to enjoy.” Solomon said from Asmo’s bed. “Who are we bitching about?”

“Remind me what Solomon is doing here.” MC muttered as they sat down in front of Asmo’s TV.

“Because, I wanted to hang out with my two favourite humans.” Asmo cooed, reaching over and trying to pinch MC’s cheek, which they awkwardly dodged.

“Can we watch The Exorcist?” Solomon asked, propping his head up with his hands.

“Ew, no.” Asmo made a face at him. “That scene with the vomit? Hell NO.”

“Mm.” MC mumbled. Asmo turned to look at them.

“MC? Are you doing okay? You don’t look like you’re having any fun...”

“I’m fine.” MC grumbled.

Asmo pursed his lips, as much as it made his little narcissistic heart break, he nudged MC. “Why don’t you pick the movie, sweetie. I’m sure Solomon and I will like anything you pick!”

MC noticeably brightened. “Let’s watch Scream!”

The strangled noise that came from Asmo was... concerning, but to his credit, The Avatar of Lust held his tongue about his distaste for the movie, and the three slumber-party goers had quite the lovely time.

After the movie ended, MC went back to their room, sure it was a sleepover but their bed was right down the hall.

Good for Asmo and Solomon. Horny fuckers. We stan.

Asmo just claps and tries to cheer MC on when it comes to their flying lessons. (The idea that Asmo came up with to wear his cheerleader costume from the previous Halloween was immediately shot down by Lucifer)

“You’re doing wonderful, MC- WATCH OUT FOR THE POWER LINE!”

MC didn’t hit the power line, but Asmo’s scream of terror caused them to fall butt-first into a dumpster. Their injured tailbone served as a tragic memory of the incident.

Oh well, good thing Asmo had nice smelling soap to give that could mask dumpster-stink.

The Uncle that eats everything and tells you to eat your veggies while you angrily pick at your broccoli at the kid’s table. (Beel)

Lucifer... has a kid?! Beel choked on the cheetos he had snuck into the Assembly Hall when the kid’s wings popped out.

Oh wow, that’s nice :) maybe they can eat together. Belphie would probably like them.

Wait what is the gender neutral term for Niece or Nephew?

...Nibling? Uh... let’s not say that around Beel. We don’t need him to get hungrier and begin associating MC with nibbling on things.

The Underground Tomb incident probably went a little differently, but after all that nonsense, the two are closer than two peas in a pod!

Mmm... peas...

“Beel?” MC stepped into the Avatar of Gluttony’s room.

“Hi MC.” Beel was doing push-ups in the middle of the room, on the ground right beneath his head was a massive bowl of spaghetti that he bit into every time he completed a push-up. “Can you come stand on my back? I need the extra weight.”

“On your back?” MC padded closer. “Are you sure? It’s not going to hurt?”

“No, it’ll be okay.” Beel assured them. “Belphie and I did this all the time. Except Belphie is normally asleep.”

MC tentatively stepped onto Beel’s back. It was a balancing act to say the least, they eventually gave up on standing and ended up sitting cross legged between Beel’s shoulder blades.

“You did this with Belphegor?” MC asked.

“Yeah,” Beel sighed. “He was always too tired to exercise, but he’d let me bench press him sometimes...”

MC frowned and hugged their knees to their chest. Knowing full well that Beel’s twin wasn’t in the human world like Lucifer said was absolutely ripping them apart from the inside. Guilt felt just as rotten as their pride did when they were being belittled...

“Maybe you’ll see him again sometime soon.” MC whispered. “Maybe my father’ll come to his senses and let him come back down to the Devildom.”

Beel paused his push-ups for a brief moment, then nodded and went back to his eating exercising combo. “I hope so. He’ll like you, MC. I’m sure of it.”

MC nodded. “I... hope so.”

Beel’s a pretty decent flight teacher, but his wings are just so different from MC’s that it renders any tips he had next to useless.

“MC, maybe your wings aren’t flapping fast enough.”

“Beel, I appreciate the thought, but I’m not a hummingbird. Or a fly. I don’t need to flap my wings a million times a minute to stay afloat.”

Ah well, MC tried to take some of Beel’s advice, but their lower right wing cramped up and they ended up flying in circles until Beel was able to catch them. Ah well, better than the dumpster incident the previous week.

The Uncle That Passes Out in The Basement and You’re Not Allowed to Wake Him Up Even Though All Your Toys and Video Games Are Down There. He Also Picks a Fight With Your Dad’s New S/O Before He Passes Out. (Belphie)

Sitting in the attic was quite a drag, and this supposedly weak little human was quite the annoyance to try and call out to. It took a lot longer than expected, but when he heard little footsteps coming towards his prison, Belphegor nearly jumped with joy.

Oh... it... looked like Lucifer. Smelled like Lucifer. Stood like Lucifer. Quacked like Lucifer. Or... trilled..? Whatever sound a peacock made, this brat sounded an awful lot like Lucifer.

A... half-demon. Hmph. Belphie honestly thought Lucifer had actual standards. Not anymore, he guessed.

(Man I could fill a whole-ass fic with the Belphie betrayal thing, but for now let’s skip to post attic nonsense)

Okay so maybe MC wasn’t disgusting. They made a good nap buddy. It was cute when their wings came out when they were sleeping sometimes. Well... it was cute when they didn’t hit him in the face and make him wake up with his mouth full of feathers.

What Beel said had been true, Belphie made a good substitute when weights weren’t available, but Beel didn’t want MC to feel left out, so Belphie and MC ended up sitting on his back while he did push ups. MC once got bored and started playing Go Fish with Belphie on Beel’s back while he exercised.

Yes. MC is still a member of the Formerly-Anti-Lucifer League.

“Are you sure he’s not going to be too mad at us?” MC asked for the dozenth time that day. Detective Toe Beans was wrapped around their neck like a scarf (he had gotten so big!!!) while MC nervously sat in one of the Library chairs.

“Positive.” Belphie said with a toothy grin. “Besides, he’s like putty when it comes to you. Just give him your best puppy eyes and we’re not guilty on all charges.”

Putty..? Really..? Lucifer..? How strict was he before MC got there... they wondered.

“Sh! He’s coming!” Satan stuck his nose into a random book, it was the Oxford English Dictionary... and it was upside down.

Belphie pretended to pass out and MC decided that the best course of action was to stare deeply into their cat’s eyes. Yeah... that looked casual and not weird.

“Satan, MC, Belphie.” Lucifer nodded to the three of them as he walked towards the entrance to his study.

“Lucifer.”

“Afternoon, father.”

Belphie let out a cartoonishly loud fake snore that nearly caused both MC and Satan to break cover and start laughing.

Side note, Bean had adorable widdle eyes! That cute little face was just to die for-

“You three..!”

Belphie, Satan, and MC peeked their heads into Lucifer’s study, their handiwork was perfect. Everything was covered in red post it notes. Perfectly not harmful, but SO inconvenient!

“You’re all cleaning this up or so help me-”

“GO!” Belphie and Satan each grabbed one of MC’s arms (Satan also grabbed Bean) and sprinted out of the House of Lamentation. Maybe they’d move back there in twenty years... they hoped that Solomon and The Angels would let them crash at Purgatory Hall...

Belphie had used up his physical energy supply for the next four years. He passed out the moment they stepped into sanctuary. Time for a nap...

Flight practice? Ha. Belphie’s napping. Though, he was suspiciously awake and filming whenever MC did something stupid.

“Try not to suck so bad.”

“GO TO HELL BELPHIE!”

“I’m already there. Hell is every second I’m stuck here watching you fail.”

“YOU’RE GOING TO GET IT FOR THAT!”

Well... MC mastered the dive bomb that day. Lucifer bought them a cake.

Bonus! Your Dad’s New Husband! That Has Managed to Somehow Make Everyone Hate Him Despite the Fact That He’s A Cinnamon Roll. (Diavolo)

A mini Lucifer? A mini Lucifer!

Diavolo dotes on MC like he’d dote on his own kid. MC wants a crown? They’re getting a crown! A damn nice one too! MC wants a title? Here! MC is now... idk Ruler of the area between Majolish and Hell’s Kitchen.

Poor Uncle Mammon’s got some financial insecurity, he’s still the cool uncle... right?!

He is very much that ‘how do you do fellow kids?’ Meme.

He tries to do stereotypical ‘dad’ things but he’s not very good at them. Once he tried to host a barbecue...

Barbatos saved the day, but Mammon’s hair was still singed, Solomon’s cooking still gave Beel food poisoning (SOLOMON EATS TOXIC WASTE I SWEAR-), Luke still got hit in the face with a frisbee, and Simeon got an unhealthy dose of DAD NERVES and got so stressed everyone was almost blinded by the holy light he suddenly started blasting. We do not mention the water guns.

(Seriously whose bright idea was it to give Belphie and Satan water guns while they were in Lucifer’s presence?)

Praise Barbie. He’s too good for them.

“Um...” MC awkwardly held up the baseball, trying to look at it from all angles like it was a completely alien object. “Lord Diavolo... are you sure you want to play catch?”

Diavolo clapped his hands and bounced on the balls of his feet. “Yes! It’s a thing human fathers do with their children, correct? We must make up for lost time between you and Lucifer, right?”

Lucifer massaged his temples and nodded. “If you two would like to play catch...” Lucifer grimaced. “I will too.”

“Okay! MC, throw the ball to Lucifer!” Diavolo instructed.

Lucifer half heartedly held up his baseball glove as MC tossed him the ball. He caught it, and looked over at Diavolo, who was applauding like he just witnessed the greatest feat in sports history.

“Okay! Throw it to me!” Diavolo waved his glove in the air, Lucifer rolled his eyes and smiled. He threw the ball at Diavolo with... a lot of force. Enough force to probably dent steel... Diavolo caught it like it was nothing.

MC suddenly feared for their safety.

“Okay MC, catch!”

Diavolo threw the ball with enough force to break the god damn sound barrier. Well, maybe that was an exaggeration, but the ball sailed way over MC’s head and crashed right through a window.

“Oh my...” Diavolo put a hand on his hip and surveyed the damage to the window. “This isn’t so bad, I believe in human world TV shows this happens quite often. Look! The glass broke in a perfect circle!”

“Yay... property damage...” MC murmured.

Lucifer sighed and pulled out his DDD. “I’ll phone someone to replace the win-”

“Lucifer no! Now according to human world customs we must,” Diavolo took a deep breath, rushed forward, grabbed both Lucifer and MC’s hands and started sprinting away from the Demon Lord’s Castle. “RUN FOR IT!”

“Di- Diavolo!” Lucifer gasped.

“Who are we running from?! That’s your castle!” MC squeaked.

“I don’t know! Just run! That’s what the human TV show says to do!”

Weirdly enough, Diavolo was the best flight instructor. MC’s ability to fly increased tenfold after Diavolo found out that MC was learning to fly.

“You’re doing amazing MC! That was a perfect turn!”

“Thanks Lord Diavolo, I’m surprised I haven’t crashed into anyone or fallen yet!”

“Well, I highly doubt you’ll be crashing into anyone anymore, your flying is practically perfect now!”

Mammon proceeded to fly past them holding what looked like Lucifer’s wallet.

“M-mammon?!”

“Oh... I wonder what he’s doing. Look, MC! It’s Lucifer! Hello Lucifer dea-”

Lucifer ended up colliding with the two of them and sending them all crashing to the floor.

That was the last time MC fell during flying practice.

(We currently have a Go Fund Me set up for Mammon to get the funds necessary to flee the Devildom after that incident. Please donate to save- oh shit hi Lucifer-)

[padfootagain]

The Adviser

Hey! I'm writing this little fic for @musicallisto's event! I'm using her prompts 4 and 29 for Caspian :

4. “Can you stay with me?”

29.“Their hands on your skin…”

I'm also including a bit of the drunken confessions trope for this one!

I hope you all like it, tell me what you think about it, and thank you again Clara for hosting this event! This is just pure fluff, you know me, it's soft hours time!!!! We love cute clichés here!

Pairing : Caspian x reader

Word Count: 3597 (I've proofread but I've been writing for four hours and my brain is fried, I am so sorry if there are more mistakes than usual, forgiiiiiive meeeeee!!!)

You shouldn't have been drinking like this. Deep down, you knew it was a mistake. But what choice did you have? It was the only way to forget what this princess what doing at that moment.

Her hand was on Caspian's arm, and you didn't fail to notice the way her fingers slipped down the length of his velvet sleeve to brush against the skin of his wrist. You took another large gulp of liquor, but the image was already printed all over your eyelids when you closed your eyes and tried to blink the sight away.

It was more than you could stand. So much more than what you were humanly able to stomach. And the worst part of it all, really, was that none of this was Caspian's fault. He didn't even know about how you felt for him, so how could he have guessed that him letting her touch him like this, being so close to him, were hurting so.

But it did hurt. God, it hurt so bad.

The room was full of noises and conversations. You were celebrating the signing of a new commercial agreement between Narnia and their neighbours. It was exciting, and all the politicians that had been involved in the elaboration of the treaty and its negotiations were now enjoying a much-deserved celebration. The treaty had been signed earlier in the afternoon, and hopefully it was the first step towards a friendship between the two nations.

And you should have been celebrating as well, because after all, this treaty was your baby. You had written parts of it, you had worked for months to convince lords that this treaty was a good thing. You had worked and worked relentlessly for so long on this project. It was your baby, in a way.

When you had begun this adventure, you had envisioned yourself in the position you were finally in now. With a signed treaty resting on the king's desk in his study, and surrounded by lords, princesses and other important political figures, drinking wine and eating pastries and laughing as the future seemed a little brighter than it was before.

What you had never imagined though, was that during the months you had spent working closely with the King of Narnia, you would fall madly, desperately, hopelessly in love with him.

You wanted to slap some sense into your own head for falling for him the way you had, but it would be useless. There was nothing you could have done to avoid it. And every time you looked at him, you were reminded of this cruel truth. Nothing could have prevented you from falling in love with the king, not even yourself, not even him. Nothing, no one, could save you now.

Sometimes, it was driving you mad, really. The way he was so kind, and a little shy around you. You forgot that he was even a king, then. He had a way to make you feel safe by simply smiling at you. There was something in the way he walked, in the way he held himself, that would have betrayed his rank if he had tried to hide it. He was so… inspiring, in a way. More than that, he was magnetic. When he walked into a room, it was clear who he was. A mere glimpse at him, and even if one had no idea what the King of Narnia looked like, they would have recognized him. But then he would blush in the most precious way when complimented, bending his head as if to hide his reaction, and there was so much hesitation in his polite smiles, as if he wasn't sure what to do with himself. Maybe it was that contrast that had make your heart melt. The way he was the most charismatic man when you saw him, and the kindest when you talked to him.

Yes, yes, that was it. Or at least, part of it. Maybe it was the starting point of it all. Then, every single detail that made him unique had sealed the deal, and your heart was his, for good.

At the end of the day, though, no matter how much you loved him and how friendly and kind he was to you, he was still the King, and you were merely a representative. There was nothing special about your ancestry, even if your position now was quite high in the government. But you were one of the King's advisors, that was all, and every time you looked at one of these princesses throwing all their charms and manners at Caspian, you really couldn't hold it against him to fall for them and not you.

If he had known these inner thoughts of yours, he would have been adamant at contradicting you, at telling you that you were just as special as they were. But he was busy talking to one of them, and you were busy drinking. It ought to be the way things were meant to be, right?

After a couple more glasses of wine, your head was starting to spin and Caspian seemed to finally notice that something was off with you. He frowned hard as he saw you reaching for the nearest wall to keep your balance, while you lifted your glass to your lips again. You finished all the alcohol in one gulp. It wasn't like you though, to drink like this…

At first, he thought maybe you were simply letting loose more than usual in celebration for the treaty, but you didn't seem happy at all. On the contrary, your features were twisted in one of pain. Were you sick? A wave of fear rushed to his heart, crushing the little organ in his chest. He hurried to excuse himself and leave the princess he had been talking to. He was aware it was barely polite, but if you were unwell, he didn't exactly care about the etiquette. In fact, all his thoughts were set upon you and his worry now, he couldn't even realize what he was doing as he crossed the room in just a few long strides, ignoring people in the crowd trying to intercept him as he passed by.

You hadn't noticed him approaching, you had settled your attention on the marble ground, in an attempt to avoid seeing Caspian talk with the flirty princess that had been clinging to him for the past hour. Only when his brown boots appeared on the floor right before you did you notice his presence. You looked up in a jolt, your hair growing with fear and apprehension, while your quick movement made your head spin even more than before.

"Your Majesty," you mumbled, trying to stand a little straighter. "Can I… do anything for you?"

Your words were slurred, obvious sign of your intoxication. Caspian's frown only deepened.

"I was about to ask you the same question, you don't seem to be well," the king answered.

"I… I am perfectly fine," you lied.

"You seem to need a bit of fresh air," Caspian insisted. "Let me accompany you to the gardens."

You didn't have the strength to fight against him or argue in any way. Besides, Caspian was right, you did need a bit of fresh air to clear your mind. So you let him take your arm, assuring your balance, while he guided you outside.

The afternoon was slowly dying out into the early evening. The sun was still quite high in the summer sky, but the heat it released had diminished as the hours passed by. A salty breeze was blowing through the roses in full blossoms and the branches of the tall oaks that offered their shades to the visitors. It was quiet though, most of the inhabitants of the castle being either busy with their daily tasks, or at the reception. It was an easy task for Caspian to find a quiet spot for the two of you to walk by.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked, noticing your steps were a little steadier, even if he still kept a careful hold on your arm, just in case.

"I did need a bit of air, indeed. Thank you. I feel better," you nodded.

You tried to give him a smile, but it was harder to hide your feelings when you were drunk. It seemed more like a wince, instead, and Caspian fully turned to you this time, stopping you in your tracks in the middle of the narrow path in between the bushes of roses. He remained silent for a while, the noises of the wind in branches and the bees buzzing in the flowers the only sounds you could hear. And in this quiet place, staring right into the king's dark eyes was even more hypnotizing than usual. You were suddenly very aware that the two of you were alone. And very aware that his hand still rested on your arm too…

"Are you sick? What is wrong?"

Under his insisting tone, you recognized worry. If Caspian had tried to hide it, he had failed miserably.

"I… am quite fine. I think I simply celebrated a little too much…"

"You seemed sad back there," the king shook his head, cutting you off because you could finish your lie. "You did not seem to be celebrating at all. Why? What happened?"

"Nothing. I guess… I must be very tired. The negotiations were difficult and…"

"Why are you lying to me?"

You merely stared at him, not knowing what to answer.

"I know you are lying. I know you. Why will you not tell me what is bothering you?"

"It… is nothing…"

"Is it why you drank too much?"

"I am not drunk…"

"Yes, you are. You can barely stand."

"I can," you replied, even if it wasn't true. You knew that if Caspian suddenly let go of you, you would probably fall down in the roses, and the thought of the many thorns cutting your skin wasn't particularly appealing to you.

Caspian's frown slowly disappeared though. From worry, his expression changed to one of sadness and hurt, but you didn't understand why.

"I am your friend, Y/N. Why will you not tell me? I could help…"

You let out a bitter laugh. The liquor was taking the better of your judgement, for you would have never answered him this way had you been sober.

"My friend? As if we were friends…"

Caspian stared at you with the most puzzled expression you had ever seen adorning his handsome features.

"What do you mean? Of course, we are friends."

"We are not friends. You are the king, and I am… a commoner working for you."

There was so much hurt passing through Caspian's eyes, but you didn't feel guilty. It was true, after all. And the sight of this woman with him… with her eyes all over him, and the way she leaned towards him…

It was more than you could take…

"I thought we were more than just that by now," Caspian answered in a low voice.

"How could we be?"

"Why did you drink so much tonight?"

"Because I cannot take it anymore… I… these feelings I just… I can't fight them…"

"Feelings? What…?"

But then it dawned on him, only, not completely.

Of course, a question of heart would explain your sadness and your drinking tonight, such behaviours that were so out of character for you. He wasn't particularly good at hiding the way his heart broke in his chest at the thought that you loved someone else, though. He had to be thankful for your inebriated state that made you fail to notice his reaction when it was written all over his features.

He opened his mouth to ask who this was about, but you spoke first. The wine was making your mind blurry, your thoughts turning into a whirlwind, bumping into each other and making your usual filters lift. In any other circumstances, you would have never said any of the words you were about to utter, but then, liquor and broken hearts make confessions tumble easily.

"I cannot do this anymore. I want to resign."

"Resign? What…?"

"I cannot handle it. Being around you all the time…" you went on, barely realizing Caspian was trying to speak. "And today seeing her… her hands on your skin and…"

Your voice broke, and you lost your balance for good. Caspian was still here though, and he managed to catch you in his arms right before you would fall to the dusty ground.

His brain was repeating again and again your words, trying to analyse their meanings…

Did it mean that… you… was it about him, then?

"I will take you to your room. You need to rest. Come on…"

With the gentlest gestures, he guided you back inside and to your room, crossing empty corridors and avoiding people as much as he could. No one else but him needed to see you like this.

He helped you settle in bed, and only then did he notice that you were crying.

"I'm sorry," you mumbled.

He brushed your tears away. He had never touched you this way before, and it made his heart pound in his chest like it had never before. He let his fingers linger a little longer on your cheek.

"You must rest. We will talk about this in the morning."

He gave you a warm smile before turning away, but you held him back, catching his wrist before he could walk too far away. He turned to you again with a puzzled look.

"Can you stay with me?"

Your voice was barely more than a whisper, uncertain and fragile. He was used to hearing it loud and confident while you discussed amongst politicians and advisers, it was such a drastic change, it scared him. It was evident you needed someone to take care of you at that moment, and Caspian wouldn't have let anyone else do it in his stead.

He should have gone back to the reception, but how could he leave your side now?

So, he dragged a chair next to your bed, and sat down, offering you a reassuring smile. He held your hand in his, giving it a soothing squeeze.

"As you wish. But you need to sleep now."

"Are you angry?"

"No, I am not. We will talk about it tomorrow. Now, you need to sleep. Close your eyes."

You did as ordered, and fell asleep as soon as your eyelids had fallen. The warmth of Caspian's hand on yours was the last thing you remembered before surrendering to slumber.

-----------------------------

Your headache wasn't the worst thing that happened when you woke up. Nor was your nausea, or the disgusting taste that lingered on your tongue. No, the worst part of waking up was the note you found folded by the side of your bed.

Caspian would be waiting to see you in his office.

If parts of the previous day were a little blurry, you still remembered perfectly your conversations with the King.

He would ask you to resign. Or he might even fire you altogether. He could have asked you already for someone to pick up your things and carry them out of the castle… but then, Caspian was a kind man, and you weren't altogether surprised when you picked up an outfit to dress up and found all your belongings exactly where they belonged.

After your behaviour, there was no other alternative. You had been disrespectful, and you highly doubted that the king would appreciate working with someone who had romantic feelings for him.

But your pride made you decide that you would resign first. You would not let him throw you out of the castle. If you had to leave, which was painful enough already, never to see the man you loved again, then at the very least, you could be spared the humiliation of being pushed away. At least, you would be the one leaving.

You made your way to his office, at last. Taking a deep breath before knocking on the door. Your heart missing a beat when you heard Caspian's low voice answering on the other side. You walked in.

Caspian welcomed you with a smile, he was sitting at his desk, his back to the stained-glass windows that painted colours all across the room. The light coming from behind him made the image ethereal, a vision you could have summoned in one of your dreams…

"Good morning, Y/N. Please, take a sit," he invited you. "Are you feeling better?"

You struggled to swallow, cleared your voice. His voice made butterflies tickle your belly, but you ignored the feeling. You ignored how much you wanted to comply and approach him. This was not the time. Now was the time to be strong.

You remained at a safe distance from his desk, refusing to sit down.

"Your Majesty," you tried to keep your voice steady, but couldn't help the slight shake that accompanied your words. "I am well, thank you."

He opened his mouth to speak again, but you interrupted him, raising your hand to silence him.

"Please, your Majesty… let me speak."

He nodded, letting you continue. You took a deep breath, and finally gathered the strength you needed to speak again.

"I…My behaviour yesterday was… unforgiveable. And I am aware that I have crossed a line. What transpired last night is the proof that I can no longer work for you and serve Narnia at the best of my abilities as your adviser anymore. It is why I would like to resign. I would be very thankful if you would agree to allow me to stay in the castle for one last week, to allow me to look for a new home. My resignation will be effective immediately, and I can write it down, if you want me to."

Caspian remained silent for a moment, before slowly standing up, and walking towards you. His hands behind his back, he only stopped when he was but one step away from you. You stared at him, waiting for his reaction, completely motionless.

"I agree that… your confessions from last night make it impossible for us to continue like this. Things cannot remain the same now."

You fought with all your might to refrain your tears, that merely gather at the corner of your eyes, but didn't fall. You didn't flinch, nor did you back away though.

"I do think that you need to resign from your position in our government. I would not be… proper… to have my advisor be…"

"I will inform the rest of the staff immediately," you interrupted him. Which was incredibly rude, interrupting the king… but you couldn't take it. You couldn't stomach the pain that it would make you feel to hear him say the words he was about to utter.

It was enough that he didn't love you. You didn't need him to say it out loud.

You turned on your heels, but Caspian didn't let you step away. He caught your wrist before you could move away, and you turned back towards him, your eyes growing in surprise.

"I have not dismissed you, yet," he told you, quirking an eyebrow.

"I apologize, your Majesty."

Caspian gave you a smile. You wondered what was worth smiling for though.

"I thought we had agreed that there was no need to call me this way when we are alone."

"Things have changed."

"Not nearly enough, yet."

It was your time to frown.

"There is no need for you to move out of the Castle."

"But I…"

"Would you like to take a walk in the gardens with me this afternoon?"

You opened and closed your mouth a few times, completely confused.

"I… don't understand…"

"Did you mean what you said? Yesterday? Or did I not understand you right? I thought you said you had feelings for me."

You nodded, unable to answer, fleeing Caspian's gaze.

"I did… but…"

"Well, I am asking you if you would like to take a walk with me this afternoon."

"But I… why?"

His smile grew fonder, and you noticed the way his fingertips were shaking when he reached to hold your other hand.

"I… was hoping you would… like to spend some time with me," Caspian added, hesitant this time, a little shy, pinker shades appearing to colour his cheeks. "Not as my advisor but… as… a friend…"

"A friend?" you repeated, stunned.

"Or well… maybe… maybe more than a friend."

"But I… I am…"

"I feel the same way."

He had said the last sentence as fast as he could, forcing the words out like he would have pulled an arrow out of a wound. In one, quick motion, before the strength and courage would fail him.

Your mouth fell open.

"You… you do?" you stuttered, out of breath for some reason. You only just then noticed that you seemed to have forgotten how to breathe altogether.

"I do. And well… I am afraid that you need to resign, for it would be impossible for me to court one of my advisors. But as you have done so, I thought… what about a walk?"

There were a thousand thoughts swarming in your head, and most of them were going against Caspian's idea. Most of them told you this was impossible.

But you chose to simply ignore all of them, and answer what your heart was desperately begging you to say instead.

"Yes. Yes, a walk would be lovely."