#i just started over. i need her.
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was getting so fed up & irritated w astarion this playthrough that when i failed the persuasion check to get him to save the spawn & he decided to leave, i was just like fine!! see if i care!!!!! iāll just get a hireling!! whatever!!!! itāll be great not to have to put up with you anymore. good fucking riddance. good. bye.ļæ¼
so why do i miss him so much?? his exaggerated gestures. his petty little comments. i was convinced i didnāt like him, but against my will the fail elf has grown on me. ugh.
#i heard heās a good durge romance option so i guess iāll do that next playthrough#absence makes the heart grow fonder. i guess. ugh#itās not as devastating as my first playthrough when i killed shadowheart and just could not go on#i just started over. i need her.#i will finish this with my hireling and project my feelings onto my durge#but since there is no tumblr in the forgotten realms my durge will take this embarrassing secret to their grave#āwhatever who cares i never liked him anywayā (lying)#bg3 spoilers#i do think itād be a funny dynamic to have a paladin durge who strategically sends astarion on solo stealth missions#whenever durge is about to do something he knows is gonna get an eyeroll from astarion#i think of those -1 disapprovals from him as like light huffs or scoffs that start to get really annoying#like hello i am trying to prove to everyone and myself that I am a Good Person & this murder thing is clearly some kind of curse
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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Falin who cares too much and too little - analysis
Been stewing on Falin thoughts for a while, I know I have an interpetation on her that differs from many but Iām jumping into the fray. I think thereās a lot to be said about what we do see of Falin. This shorter Falin analysis I made is heavily encouraged prior reading. This analysis mainly explores her complex relationship with caring and so itās sort of structured in two halves, with Faligon at the crux of it all.
Falin cares too little :
A lot of people assign Falin a people pleasing mindset and Iā¦ Donāt agree. We never see her care at all about people in her town or at the academy not liking her.
We do see her worrying about what people think of herā¦ ONCE. And Laios comforted her, told her they didnāt matter and she should be proud of herself. She latched onto that hard. Thatās why this scene was so important to be included during the dragon fight, relationship-defining; itās always been them against the world. She grew to not care what others thought, to only focus on her close loved ones. No one else matters.
Laiosā words were her world. Her older brother who taught her how to feel comfortable with herself, who told her, youāre great, others are the ones in the wrong to not see that, Iāll always be with you, always be there for you. Older brother who always made great plans, who always knew more, who was better at wrestling to name the dogs, who she has always idolized. Laios who always spoke of traveling the world, to which she always said she wanted to follow. And she would, sheād follow him even if it meant leaving the academy and all she knew behind, sheād follow him to the ends of the world, and thatās what she did.
She didnāt care about showing to her classes or keeping up such appearances, she doesnāt even think of toning down her jumping into bushes when Marcille recoils, etc. She acts like an obedient pawn often, to her parentās directives and then following Laios around no matter what he decides to do, but I donāt think the motivation is people pleasing, rather itās being with & caring for her loved ones, and her go-with-the-flow attitude enhances the impression. Not that itās as simple as that, mind you, but letās talk about this for now.
Falin is perceived as selfless because we, the audience, have our perspectives revolving around the main people in her life (Laios, Marcille). Theyāre the ones sheās devoted to and people who care about her back a lot too, but to people like her classmates or the towspeople she probably must have seemed like someone who didnāt care about the people around her or her surroundings a lot, who just went on alone and did her own thing.
What matters to Falin? From what place does her kindness come from? Is a part of her keeping up appearances? And I think thatās the point, the horror of Faligon as well, that we canāt tell just how in control Falin the person is as the chimera (because we are shown that sheās in there, we just donāt know at what degree), that we donāt know her enough to be able to tell when sheās at her most genuine, her most raw. That even if you do settle on none of her being present as Faligon, we have to at least consider it, consider that she may be able to do something like this and have a part in it, brutal and uncaring. That even the lenses we see her through, the people who love her, may be unreliable.
And this is whatās very interesting about her too, she truly is so idealized by people around her as a saint. Sheās so good and kind and caring to everyone etc etc etc. Laios, Toshiro and Marcille all see her as the paragon of goodness in the world. More cynical characters like Namari and Chilchuck have more layered opinions on her, the latter finding her somewhat unnerving because he canāt read her well. But then with that one flashback scene we see thatā¦ Her priorities are intensely focused on Laios and Marcille, she doesnāt care all that deeply about anyone other than them (+ maybe her parents). The rest of the party is in the same danger here but only Laios and Marcille who sheās speaking to get the special ,ention, and if they donāt cross her mind then of course sheād be ready to sacrifice strangers through a risky teleportation. That doesnāt make her not kind or caring!! Just that greater good isnāt exactly her priority. Any means is alright if the end result is her loved ones safe, it usually takes the form of healing and caring, but we see sheās ready to fight and make dangerous calls too. To me thereās this aspect to her that she isnāt as pure and magnanimous as everyone thinks she is, both in-world and interestingly enough meta wise as well, and thereās something interesting to that.
People pleasing implies a need to be liked, needs for the motivation to be that. A yes-man, etc. But if we analyze Falin, her general kind, smiling demeanor is more a matter of passivity I yhonk. Conflict avoidance is easier, so sheās friendly and hopefully thingsāll be smooth sailing. Itās easy to be kind to classmates even if they act wary and rude if you donāt care about what they think either way. Of course she prefers good things happening to people over bad things, she is genuinely kind, but I think people tend to assign her a very grand altruistic way of life when to her the motivation is pretty self-centered. She doesnāt do what she does because she lovesĀ them, but becauseĀ sheĀ loves them.
One situation thatās interesting to dig into for her way of thinking, and what Iām trying to get at, is Shuroās proposal to her. Iāve seen people saying she hesitated because she didnāt feel comfortable saying no even though she wanted to, "I canāt say no, I donāt want to hurt him", something that sounds sensible and familiar, but itās actually canon in the Adventurerās Bible that the reverse was the case, that she didnāt feel comfortable saying yes. Because the offer was tempting, but itād have been a loveless agreement on her end. And it makes sense sheād want to say yes too, like we see with the Toudens, marriage is very much a political strategical economical thing in their village, thereās even a bit on it on Laiosā Adventurerās Bible profile about dowries, and both siblings were engaged very early. They lived poorly for a long time, itās an enticing idea to marry rich, to have not only yours but your brotherās needs met forevermore easily, which at one point in their careers was their main worry and goal. Why shouldnāt she accept a life of leisure and wealth handed to her by a lovely friend?
So her hesitance was "yeah thatās convenient for me, but where itās everything to him and heartfelt Iām able to be detached because I donāt care about it that muchā¦ Can I do that? Iām not reciprocating, not saying yes in the way that matters. Can I do that to him?" Very caring even though itās not what youād expect, isnāt it?
And central to my analysis, where Iām going with this is, I feel like thatās the thing with her character, that she doesnāt feel as strongly as she "should" sometimes, or feels a different way than she "should", or at least that she feels that way and others say she does. She didnāt mind suddenly leaving the academy, leaving Marcille behind and not seeing her for 4 years. She acted like it was no big deal that she sacrificed herself after getting resurrected after the red dragon fight. And in both those cases it upset the people around her greatly that she didnāt seem to get why it was such a big deal, didnāt seem to care about how theyād experienced her choices.
So itās a tendencyā¦ And itās not that she doesnāt care, itās just that the way she measures whatās good for the ones she loves isnāt the same as what they themselves think it is (like Laios and Marcille not wanting to be apart from her). Itās an overt but quiet kind of care, itās doing things like following them around and making sure they bathe and have a meal, even if that means she has to be dragged into misery too.
So yes she probably would know "not caring enough/the right way" is one of her perceived flaws, and that informs how she tries to handle her response to Shuroās proposal. Her not wanting to accept like her first gut instinct, is because sheās thinking about reciprocity, about if itād be right to go into this knowing that they have different priorities and she might not be able to keep up with the type and amount of emotions he wants/expects from her. And thatās a big part of her character isnāt it, having expectations pushed onto her. Her trying her best, but in her own way that may seem odd or even unfeeling. Not unlike when she exorcised the ghost as a kid too, unblinking and matter-of-factly, and not seeming to understand why people stared the way they did.
Even though she answered his proposal only post-canon, sheād been pondering it for a while even pre-canon and the Adventurerās Bible explanation was released midstory, so Iām hesitant to assign her much growth about her hesitation and what I went on above, since she still didnāt react "right" with Laios after the red dragon fight (even if she apparently doesnāt remember sacrificing herself) and put herself in that situation in the first place. She hasnāt finished her arc on that flaw of hers is what Iām saying, she for sure still has it, but I certainly think her thoughts on Shuroās proposal shows awareness, both of herself and social.
And awareness is a big analysis key word with Falin, especially here it can be hard not to conflate not caring with not knowing. How socially aware is she? Itās rather layered, because canonically she wasnāt aware of her ostracization in her hometown at all, and weāre not sure if she knew Shuro was interested in her before he proposed, but she generally seems more socially aware than Laios. She tags along on his caravan job to make sure he isnāt being mistreated (though doesnāt ask he get a salary), she catches social faux-pas more easily like in the genderbend magic mirror omake with Shuro, and interestingly enough sheās very good at empathizing with her parents and understanding their perspective. We see when sheās worried about Marcille coming that she does know about propriety and how appearances shape impressions. Being a chiefās daughter must at least have taught her a thing or two on that front.
She never stands up for herself, but when it comes to defending others she worries, strategizes and explains.
And this sort of understanding is part of why I think sheād notice the expectations pushed onto her like I was saying earlier, notice how she makes people feel when sheās careless. But if she changes anything about herself in response to noticing is for her to choose, and generally I think itās a sort of inbetween of yes and no: that she becomes more complacent but also more reserved, complying but by hiding more of herself passively. Sheās not sure wether to accept or reject Shuroās proposal, doesnāt want to lead him on? Sheāll just be taking a while to silently consider it, try to keep things as they are for the time being. The third, less conflicting option. She doesnāt feel heard by Marcille who keeps infantilizing her? Just bear with it. Retract yourself emotionally. Settle for it.
We see that when she was young she had a tendency to not read a room, and I think thatās here too. She doesnāt get why her nonchalance upset others but that doesnāt change that she doesnāt want them upset or hurt, so she tries, albeit in maybe a roundabout way. She always had a hard time deeply connecting with people, often keeping herself some amount of emotionally distant: erasing herself from the equation, from the two-way trade that relationships are and making it a onesided thing instead, where all their needs and emotions are directed towards her but she only lets out a bit of her own show. She takes everything upon her and deals with it and tries not to give others this same burden, though not on a conscious level, itās just that sheās learned growing up that she doesnāt have much agency.
Like I went into with my analysis linked at the beginning, I think Falin is used to just taking what she can get and not asking for more, when it comes to social bonds. Sheāll take spending time with her mother no matter what it is they do, sheāll follow Laios to the graveyards and stick by him even when heās pushing her away (because he doesnāt want her borrowing his book or "No copying!" or such). Her father was always distant, cold and uncommunicative, her mother was considered sick from anxiety and the exorcism attempts were the main way they spent time together, at dinner tables there were only her and Laios. The dogs picked on her too even if she loved themā And so did the townspeople, maybe that being normal to her at home is why she didnāt notice the ostracization she suffered.
Sheās always been the last to be asked about decisions or what she wants, never asked to play with at recess, neither her father or Laios asked before sending her to the academy or leaving the village. At home, in the hierarchy she was considered to be below the dogs by the dogs themselves, as someone they can disrespect. Dogs learn from example and behavior, so this means Falin must have been pushed around a lot, and that the family didnāt try hard to rectify the dogsā misconception, likely worsened by Laios regularly wrestling with her as a competition.
So for example when Falin showed Marcille food, it was her way to implicitly ask to have lunch with her without voicing that question, without daring to take up space. Someoneās presence isnāt something you ask for, itās something thatās bestowed upon you, you can follow them around but you canāt ask them to stay or to come with.
Sheās used to her needs and wants not being listened to, so sheās learned to have less wants. Caring less about herself, caring less about other people beyond her safe zone, was a defense mechanism in part. She has a sense of learned helplessness too, like how when Marcille came to take her away from Laios, even though she didnāt want to leave with Marcille it felt so determined and unshakable to her that whatever Marcille decided Falin would have to comply with.
And still, itās the "marrying you would be awfully convenient if it wasnāt that Iād feel guilty for not loving you back, the way you wanted me to when you proposed to me" and the "I donāt regret leaving the academy and leaving you behind without goodbyes but Iām sorry that youāre so much more upset about it than me". Itās the guilt of not loving people back the way they want to be, with the same intensity or fervor.
Itās the autism itās the aroace of it all, itās the emotional stunting and confusion but the pit in your stomach telling you you did something wrong again. The no object permanence even for people you love even for 4 years, itās the feeling like youāre somehow at fault for someone having fallen for you and not knowing what to do with any of it. Iām not joking btw it isnāt uncommon for autistic people to not see their close friends for a long while, not having missed them all that much and for that to be really hurtful for the other if they notice/ask about it. "Hiii bestie! Oh umm youāre uh more emotional about this than I expected, hopefully you wonāt feel alienated by me not feeling as intensely about itā¦"
Soā¦ Yeah. I think she thinks of things and relationships in a different way than most people, and beyond "good things happening to people is good" I donāt think she actually cares about people all that much. Iād argue that Laios shows more desire to connect with others and make relationships. And just like with Laios and his own issues with humans, that doesnāt mean her kindness is a lie or ungenuine or worthless! It just means that like, well itās pretty straightforward really, sheās not all that social and doesnāt see casual bonds as meaning all that much and whatnot. She does want to see people happy, but itās not as much likeā¦ A conviction or goal. Sheās too laser focused on a select few people. "Itās not that theyāre bad people, they just arenāt interested in humans."
And sometimes it feels like people get defensive about Falin in a meta way too, like if you ever so much as imply Marcille isnāt her whole world or that she isnāt the kindest soul out there then youāre saying she doesnāt care at all or sheās evil. And thatās actualy exactly the sort of vibe I wanted to get through with my analysis above here actually haha, that she does care and she is kind but itās not in a way thatās quantified or understood in a way that makes people feel comfortable. In a way, that makes people feel insecure because they donāt have the same logic as her, donāt show love the same. And I think this is another stellar depiction of autism, of parts of it that feels unpalatable to many, if Iām making sense. The fandom idealizes her as well, which isnāt uncommon or surprising for the character embodying the trope of the perfect beloved to rescue.
And disclaimer, as I said in the tags I feel like the details of Falin are pretty vibe based when it comes to analysis, thereās absolutely a valid angle where she does super care about everyone always, feel free to disagree with me on the overarching angle of my analysis. Thereās enough supporting evidence to tip the balance either way I think, and the reason Iāve chosen this angle is I feel itās more compelling for the themes in Dunmeshi of idealization and being different, of desires vs wants, and because I think it neatly ties up Falinās character arc as Iāll go over throughout the next sectionā¦
So.
Not feeling as much as she should. Andā¦ā¦. Is this not Faligon pushed to the max?
You canāt tie down a dragon. As the chimera, she gets to just not care about everyone else and be on her merry way.
Part of it I think is finding comfort and freedom in the mindlessness, in not having the burden of feelings and connections and a consciousness (despite still ending up seeking those in a stranger, Thistle). Like when sheās dead in the purgatory as well, she gets to justā¦ Hang around and do whatever. Similarly to when she played in the forest instead of going to class in her academy days. Thatās what freedom and peace of mind looks like to her. Why she decides to roam post-canon, if only now with the goal to find herself instead, with her mind in tow and somewhere to go back home to.
Thereās excellent analytic framing out there about how of course, Dungeon Meshi has a big theme of grief and letting go, andā¦ Falin was always a symbol narratively, idealized by characters and often underconsidered by them despite their love. It was Falinās choice to sacrifice herself for Laios, she thought it was worth it, knowing that it would be her end. Her resurrection and the process of it intertwining her soul with a dragonās wasnāt done with her consent, and the subsequent opening it gave her to become a chimera puppet. Sheās stripped of her agency consistently, and soā¦ Itās very noteworthy that the final choice, of wether to go back to life or to stay dead, in that purgatory scene, was up to her. And she chooses life, but I do think about her in those fields and how at home she seemed there. Peaceful, by herself in a vast calm expanse she could explore, free.
Personally, I think freedom is Falinās own subconscious selfish desire. And though to us becoming the chimera is obviously a shackle, I think it felt like freedom to her somewhat, too.
And if you think Iām going wildly off the rails here I want to talk about Laiosā wish of becoming a monster. And to be clear before getting into it, being mentally a monster is absolutely a big part of the appeal for Laios, itās something thatās consistently referred to, something especially pointed out in the werewolf monster tidbit with Lycion. Right panel is from that, but left panel is from the extra with Izutsumi where Lycion talks about suppressing souls in a beastkin body, the human or the beast soul.
Finding comfort and freedom in being mindless, less sentient, less aware? While being unaware in her hometown might have saved Falin a lot of heartache although perhaps stunted her emotional growth, itās always been Laiosā curse.
Actively, through his choices, he seeks to grow closer to people, to form deeper bonds, to understand and be undertood, butā¦ On a deep seated level, what he desires is to leave humanity and civilization behind. He has an irrational hatred for humans, born from the trauma of ostracization, being different, being beaten up and rejected consistently through his life. Running away from problems is easier. He wants to be free from being a social animal from a social species who has deemed him the black sheep, he thinks itād be simpler to just leave it all behind, people and his own humanity. At its core, to Laios becoming a monster is a power fantasy, a coping daydream of "if only I could be strong enough to never be hurt again, the power to destroy anything I want, the power to go somewhere better, if only it was possible for me to never feel hurt again. If only I could be someone, something, that can never be hurt". "If thereās someone you donāt like, you can gobble āem up in one bite. If you could fly, youād be able to leave this village right now." Itās a childhood fantasy, from a deep sense of being misplaced and a desire to be able to stand fearless, thinly covering up resentment that Laios represses.
But youāll notice, when the Winged Lion is enticing him in the last page, even now with his lifelong wish of becoming a monster on a silver plate, he still cares about his friends. He still has that sense of responsibility to his friends, doesnāt want to leave knowing theyāll be in danger and alone. The offer that his friends may be left unharmed is already good, but Laios also visibly flinches when the Winged Lion offers to specifically care after Marcille and rid her of her biggest fear. Laiosā care runs that deep. Not unlike with the succubus, he resists temptation until he gets reassured that everyone will be okay. But see, what he desires isnāt to stand alongside Marcille until her last days, it isnāt to stay and see how well his friends will live, itās to go. Itās to leave. Itās to fly away, a monster both in body and mind. He wants to be free from caring here, wants to not have to worry about his friends, wants to just go do his own thing, but for that he needs to feel safe in the belief that said friends will be safe even without him being there to see it, because despite everything else he cares, he does. Itās again that dichotomy about caring and wishing you didnāt, or not caring and wishing you did.
In the end, itās Falin who achieves that wish. Both by becoming a chimera during canon, and by going traveling post-canon. In the latter, being both free of human relationships as something chaining you while still being uplifted by them, by the knowledge that there are people out there you love and that love you. Itās a theme that can also be connected with Marcille, because she gets anxious over people she loves getting out of her sight, worrying theyāll get themselves killed, that time is passing while theyāre away from her. But before she can get to the point where she can both have her freedom and being uplifted by her social bonds, regaining both her individuality and her connections, she has to get a taste of just one at a time. Before they can find balance in her life, she has to see what itās like to have what sheās never had on its own. Unapologetic freedom, and power.
No one can blame you for not caring enough or caring right if youāre a fricking dragon!!!! You make the rules when youāre a beast and you can justā¦ Fly away. From anywhere, from anything. And if a dog bites you you can just crush it. Instead of being pushed around by the dogs because youāre at the bottom of the hierarchy, youāre now at the top, the one with the power to be heard and do what you want without consequences.
I think sheās on autopilot. I think sheās on autopilot a lot of the time, even before being a chimera, and itās partly why her will is so weak compared to regular dragons. (Again, read my shorter analysis.) Itās familiar to slip back into the role of following someone around unquestioningly. And thatās what is weaponized when sheās a chimera, that instinct sheās been nursing all her life to unconditionally support, defend and follow someone. Only now, that someone doesnāt matter in itself, only the symbol of it. She doesnāt mind, either way is fine. Her will is weak after all, because sheās trained it to take as little place as it could.
Falin cares too much
She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life.
So youāre probably seeing the duality Iām talking about here, Falin is very self-sacrificial but for specific people in ways that they often donāt recognize or appreciate. She cares but selectively, both in people, putting all her eggs in the same baskets, and in the ways she cares after them. She doesnāt care a lot, but when she does she cares a lot. Falin doesn't have a lot of earthly attachments, but when she does, they're her world.
In canon her arc, especially post-canon, is to grow beyond Marcille and Laios. Her caring for her close loved ones held her back from looking after her own self-fulfillment needs. And this is what I mean when I say she cares too much; she could gain from caring more about the world besides Laios and Marcille, both lands wise and people wise. She cares too little, but her arc centers her flaw around caring too much instead. Her pitfalls that Kui highlight over the course of the story, while of course her selflessness is appreciated for how she saved Laios and everyone, on a personal level is shown to be self-effacing and damaging. Sheās undermined by Marcille, without the courage to voice her thoughts and wants, she would dedicate her whole life to Laios. And I mean, itās text, in the response to Shuroās proposal extra no less. And sheās so laser focused on her most loved people that sheās fine with being callous and risking othersā lives, even.
Post-canon, she needs to leave to find herself, away from them.
Herself. What if she wants to just be with herself for a while.
And this is me reaching but I feel like, not unlike Izutsumi who learns to feel this sense of never being alone, always having someone on your side what with having two souls, the dragon in her would make her consider herself more. She finds it easier to care after other people after all, and in the purgatory fields sequence she takes care to bring the bit of dragon left with herā¦ Not unlike with Izutsumi, having two souls forces you to think about your identity and figure yourself out. Besides being this sort of duo now, where if she wants to care after herself she can channel it to that other side of her tooā¦ In meta dragons are symbols of greed, and I think the bit of dragon would push her to want more and listen more to her desires, primal and self-serving as they might be. The dragon soul which warped her human body with feathers and draconic features, her image of perfection marred, her weirdness externalized in a way thatās not palatable. But she doesnāt care, about if her appearance is palatable for most people, she hasnāt for a while now, and thatās great.
Notes & nuance
Iām struggling with the structure of this post, making my points organized, concise and strong at once. Itās difficult to make any statement without going "things are generally like this, but thereās this time that this contradicting thing happened too" or "itās ambiguous enough that you should just follow my interpretation for the time of this analysis" haha, so this is the pit where I put all the stuff that wouldnāt fit well in other places but are interesting for Falinās character. This section is pretty separate from the main thesis of the post, itās just more Falin observations. The post has reached the 30 pics limit so I canāt just pull it up whenever itās relevant but I really encourage scrolling up to read the stuff I highlighted in her Adventurerās Bible profile if you havenāt already.
I think with the shy-looking loner type autistic kid archetype, and knowing she didnāt seem to mind others ostracizing her, itās easy to lose sight of how she was by no means an unemotional child. In all the bits we see of her as a kid sheās bursting with energy and emotions. Canon confirms Laios leaving the village did affect her and make her lonely and she cried a lot, too. She may not be social in the traditional sense, but she was clingy with her brother, and she also never was all that shy about who she was, wearing her heart on her sleeve.And okay. Okay okay okay. Speaking of appearances. About what I said of her not caring about what people think of her, even seeming defiant with the caravan leaderā¦ Thereās one istanxe of her caring actually, and itās about how her face blushes easily. I remembered it as being because Laiosā said it and as I rambled Laiosā words are her world, but actually itās ambiguous. Itās only Marcille imagining up this scenario where Laios says Falin looks weird because of it, thereās no evidence Laios said or thought that at any point. And on the other handā¦
Her Adventurerās Bible says: "5, Lovely Skin. She isn't particularly careful with it, but Falin's skin is fair and beautiful. Possibly as a result, her cheeks seem to flush easily. Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." The phrasing makes me think the complex she has over her blushing might have developed because of Marcille more than Laios. "Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." It could be related to how Marcille gets swept away and infantilizes her, calling her cute wanting her to wear cute feminine outfits etc. Again this feels like it relates to Falinās struggle to be seen for who she is and what she wants to be seen as, her struggle to be recognized, having ideals and perspectives pushed onto her. Here Falin is insecure over her blushing implicitly because she doesnāt like being called cute over it, but thatās not how she wants people to see her. She doesnāt want Marcille to always see her as her 10 years old adorable friend. Like if your friend said you had puppy energy, it can be flattering, but it can also make you insecure.
Hereās a link to what I mentioned about her being uncomfortable wearing feminine outfits. It does seem to be more about comfort than the aesthetic perse, to me. Interestingly the shirt & shorts donāt seem like they show much more skin than her beach outfit, so maybe itās more about the shirt and shorts being tight-fitting. Like the skirts and heels they feel stifling. Again a bit with themes of freedom and not wanting an aesthetic pushed onto her. So yes just to reiterate, I think this is more about self-affirmation and how her identity and self-image gets shown to others, rather than wishing to hide parts of her body like her blushing etc for people pleasing reasons. Makeup was a way for her to appear how she wants to and feel more confident. It was a way to take control over her own image. She didnāt keep doing it, the narrator stating the process to be ātroublesomeā. Ultimately she still prioritizes her comfort, and it was a lot of recurring efforts to go through.
And on the topic of appearancesā¦ A friend once asked me: "Does she really hide herself or not? I keep thinking about "falin is herself first and foremost" (in her Adventurerās Bible profile) itās just so. Hmmmmmmmm... I just keep seeing people say she hides her real self from people when I feel like the issue is more about her charitable traits straying too far into becoming flaws but people around her dont realize that..."
Imo the thing is, I donāt think she hides her identity, but I do think she suppresses her individuality for othersā sakes if that makes sense. In the way that only post-canon does she allows herself to go see what the world is like, but thatās not personality wise itās needs and wants wise. And I do feel like thatās the closest interpretation of canon, she says it herself she doesnāt know what she wants because everything sheās done was always about Laios or Marcille, but she doesnāt change her demeanor or personality for others. But she *will*, like, not ask for things she wants directly, like sharing lunches with Marcille at the academy, she suppresses her wants, doesnāt ask things from people and doesnāt hope for more, hope for better. I donāt think we ever see her actively repress her personality, except like what, being more laidback than enthusiastic but I do feel like unlike Laios with her itās less āappearing stoic to fit in moreā and more āyeah iāll just chill until Iām needed or something activates my enthusiasmā. To which said friend quoted: "to feel like you belong you need to be useful. when you canāt be useful the next best thing is being convenient."
And speaking of passivityā¦ I want to speculate about Shuroās proposal some more. Shuro and her got along well though we donāt know how much, or how often they hung out, she even saved him from a nightmare. Why did she take so long answering Shuroās proposal? Was it an effort to preserve or was she really just that conflicted? Procrastination probably yes, but what is the core motivation of itl Considering she ended up saying no to travel the world instead, I donāt think it was as simple as āshe wanted to say yes for convenienceā. Logically itās what would have been best, but itās not what she wanted for herself, but it was and still is hard for her to even know what she wants. Probably, since like she states it was a great offer and she doesnāt think sheāll get proposed to again, itās that self-effacing tendency that yes itād be convenient and logical, and that makes her want to say yes even if her spirit isnāt in it, because if itās convenient then thatās more important than her feelings on the matter. Man alsoā¦ Obviously Marcille is very vocal about how she shouldnāt get with Shuro, but imagine how Falinās whole perspective on marriage must have felt when her only friend ever is a Romantic with a capital R who gushes about idealized romances and grand gestures and True Love and doing things with fully pure feelings all the time.
AND speaking of passivity!!! How much Falin is "there" as the chimera, just how much sheās master of her actions, is left ambiguous and intentionally so imo, but sheās for sure there & influencing the dragonās action to some degree. Having a dragonās foot on her in purgatory that keeps her from moving for sure visualizes how it must have been like, but thereās Falin calling out to her brother Laios, thereās the kind attentions towards Thistle that are so Falin-like, and most explicitly thereās the Adventurerās Bible stating "Even after becoming a chimera, she has a soul that's as kind as ever", which I honestly dislike, a fantranslation puts it as "Even as the chimera, her caring nature remains" and either way to me it feels like confirmation that itās her giving those berries to Thistle. Now, wether or not she has the mental capacity of a chicken or something closer to human Falin, no clue, there has to at least be some kind of mind bond between monsters and the dungeon lord, compelling or forcing them to go along with orders, or calling her to him in distress like with the fight on the first floor. But yes, itās interesting to wonder what it is that a Falin, with her kind soul but without her human mind, would willingly do. On her profile, sheās described as Thistleās guardian and servant. The power dynamic between the two are very interesting, I already went into how it might have felt like freedom to her while being fake so Iāll reign myself in and just mention it again. Sheās still at the heel of someone, only now itās someone who doesnāt care about her back. Going from being cared for so strongly that itās suffocating and they would defy death and the world for you, to being devoted to someone who has not one feeling about you besides your utility as a paw . She has all this care to give and to focus onto others and he has none to send back to her and I think thatās part of it. In a way, being left with only her own feelings and a void, without expectations or feelings or ideals pushed onto her, it might have been soothing in itself, and eye opening. But yes the way I think of it, her care for Thistle isnāt unlike the care she gives the ghosts.
Interestingly, the care she extends for the ghosts is sending their soul to a peaceful death, freeing them, of life and any earthly attachment. Take that as you will with the themes of freedom and burden of life and mind, immortality and becoming a warped version of who you were, and such and such.
But going back on the topic of connections and bonds for a bit, I think academy days Falin & Marcille is super interesting bc weāve never really see Falin form a connection besides with Marcille and even that is kept pretty ambiguous. When was the point that Falin started seeing Marcille as a friend and seeking her out? When was the "Iāll lay down my life for you" point? Iām so fascinated by how she wanted to share lunches with Marcille but never truly asked, only made little "hey want this? I found it isnāt it cool?" gestures of showing things to herā¦ Itās the only way she knows to ask, or maybe itās the only way she feels comfortable to. In all the scenes of young Falin and Marcille Falin seems comfortable in her friendship with Marcille, but at the same timeā¦ I think we see Falin at her most insecure around Marcille, because she really does care about Marcille and what she thinks of her so much, and while Marcille is a bit of an unstoppable force tornado style (affectionate) Falin is something of a doormat. Iād usually say showing her berries was her earnest way to connect and be like "Hey bestie look at this! :]" , but thereās a real possibility that she was self-conscious and holding herself back.
Friendship and Marcille! Involving Laios into this too but, again with the autism thing of not showing you care in ways that others understand, Marcille being very overtly affectionate and clingy was so so soo importantā¦ Marcille keeping on hanging out with Falin and caring after her, and being undeterred/unbothered by Falin not always seeming like she cares all that much back in the conventional way, as in Falin acts nonchalant and a bit like she didnāt mind wether she was there with her or not during her outings to the cave dungeon. Caring and being clingy and so affectionate despite that in such a classic Marcille way is soo needed, because so often people will get discouraged by say, their friend not keeping in contact regularly/well, seeming disaffected or as happy-go-lucky as ever even if you havenāt seen each other in a while or when theyāre alone, and yes thereās potential for a strong friendship there but someone like Falin wonāt be committed enough to reciprocating attention the same wayā¦ I hope Iām making sense but yes this angle in particular strongly correlates to autism. And the way Marcille always initiates physical affection, both Toudens being awkward about initiating touch because they donāt know if thatās allowed, if theyāre going about the social interaction the right way, if theyāre allowed to ask that out of someoneā¦
Another fun observation to make is about the 4 years Falin and Marcille spent apart. Marcille despite being of a long-lived race treated these 4 years of separation with more gravity than Falin did. Falin brushed it off very dismissively to say the least. But then you remember that the amount of time Falin and Laios didnāt see each other after he left the village was 8 years. Double the years, double the time. And that reminder makes Falinās actions so starkingly understandable. Of course she wouldnāt see 4 years of separation as a long time if 8 years of separation with her beloved brother is her point of comparison. Of course sheād see it as worth it to leave Marcille for 4 years if it meant ending those 8 years instead, especially if she was worried about him (the reason why she followed him into his caravan job).
A friend always says that while Falin is the center of Marcilleās world, Laiosā is at the center of Falinās, and I tend to agree.
Itās fun to think of how her career dreams had always been shaped by Laios, even when they were kids. Of course thereās how traveling the world began as a dream they talked about and shared, but thereās how he reassures her by listing cool jobs she could do like traveling exorcist, etc. And then of course, she gave up on her magic academy and career path to follow him and do odd jobs, etc etc.
I should go into the violence of Faligon more tbh, because I think thereās an interesting parallel to how she has no problem wacking things with a mace, wether a ghost when she was a kid or a walking mushroom as an adult. Something that often surprises fans when they remember, I donāt really want to get into the whole " Falin hates violence and hates seeing people in pain to an intense degree. āIf you die do it somewhere where I canāt seeā styleā interpretation, it has some weight but on the whole I donāt vibe with the theory she has a particular aversion to violence, she seems to be fine resorting to it as much as any other adventurer as long as it isnāt needlessly against ghosts. And Falinās sudden mace hits are fun to me too because itās not her becoming a berserker when the need arises as much as her becoming active because something she cares about is threatened, and that brings her out of her passivity from 99% of the rest of the time. Thistle included. Falin always could be violent, she just dislikes senseless carnage. The Shuro party vs chimera fight is a bit ambiguous on it, because you can argue she only attached after being provoked, presumably offscreen as well while the ninjas went off to fight the harpies. Falin becomes the most active when she needs to protect someone, she has no qualms doing whateverās needed for that, wether it be leaving the academy & Marcille without notice no matter the consequences or what her parents think, or teleporting the party, etc.
Iām working on a post specifically pointing out all the differences between Falin and Laios, but yes I think both of them selfishly desire freedom in different yet similar ways. Falinās dark secret is "Ethics and risks are optional if it means I can protect those I love" like the teleportation, and Laiosā is "Ethics and risks are optional if I can be free of all this bullshit" aka humanity aka his wish with the winged lion.
Conclusion
Flighted birds have hollow bones. With freedom and wings there comes risks and sacrifices.
Tldr: Falin doesnāt care all that much, sheās very go with the flow. For example if someone hates her she doesnāt really care because thatād require her caring about what they think of her in the first place, and she only cares about her loved ones. She smiles, but itās more a state of being rather than out of active goodness: sheās canonically very genuinely kind, but itās more out of a general want for pleasantness than active care itself. Sheās passive, and softspoken because thatās just how she seems, but she has no problem hopping into bushes or getting heated if something calls to her enthusiasm or calls for action and a hit of the olā mace. Her loved ones needing tending or protective is what makes her go from passive to active. That familiar autopilot mode of making someone the center of her world and following their every move is what made her so easy to be controlled as the chimera, even ferociously defending him with her life. Faligon is most interesting to me with the theme of freedom. Sheās shackled to Thistle and out of her mind, but thereās also a sense of empowerment and freedom from expectations and society. She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life. Thereās a way of caring after others that can be selfish, not unlike Marcille being overly coddling and not listening to Falin. In Falinās case, I think it was so selfless that it ended up looping back around to erasing her sense of self. In losing sight of herself, that devotion becoming neither quite selfish or selfless but a fact of life and a state of nature, muddled by its lack of direction.
Sheās sooo used to never being able to ask things out of others, you get the crumbs of affection and approval that others offer to you unprompted and thatās it donāt hope for more donāt ask for more. (Also reflected in how she follows her loved ones around without complain or personal opinions and how sheās not willing to rock the boat and affirm herself in her relationships like with Marcille during canon)
Falin cares so much, so much and so laser focused on her few loved ones that it blinds her and she loses sight of everything else, she ends up neglecting herself and the rest of the world. As Kui puts it, Falin is herself first and foremost. She just had to remember the importance of that.
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I see her as an enneagram 9, which can be surprisingly accurate and fun to research through the lense of Falin. Excerpt below from this book, but like my god, good way to put it
Thatās it, ty for reading. Even if itās a bit of a mess, hopefully youāll have gained a thing or two from it. Falin is a character hard to pin down, but it is very gratifying when you find the way that the puzzle pieces fit together right for your own understanding of the story. Fantranslation of the shuro proposal comic by @/thatsmimi here.
Hereās my spotify playlist for her if youād like
Sometimes love is about letting go, a lesson a lot of the cast needed to learn. Self-loveās important too, and just like with diets we need a healthy balance.
#I find it hard to express myself right on the topic of Falin. Both because the issue is pretty vibe based and because we donāt#get that many moments with her. So thereās ambiguous scenes up to interpretation addressing a layered topic and like. Save me. Save me#As always falling down the rabbithole of starting an analysis about a specific facet and then needing to explain everything else around it#Iām doomed. Iām getting lost in the sauce.#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#falin touden#analysis#character analysis#meta#autistic reading#aroace reading as well. Sort of. Itās mentioned#The aroace autistic guilt of not caring back in the way/with the intensity youāre expected to#As always this is just my interpretation blablabla#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#She loves like a dog aka unconditionally and happy with eating scraps of affection and attention off the floor#Laios touden#heās here too bc they are an unit#If youāre not capitalizing on the uncanny vibe autistic effect for Falinās character u are missing an opportunity imo#Fairyās child is written all over her. Her cryptic-ness is the point so why am I surprised sheās hard to fully pin down#Even with the graveyard scene it was Falin following Laiosā¦ Sob. Laios could feel responsible her powers were found out#Iād like to rework this at some point if i get better at structuring. Iām not satisfied by the level of clarity#Will 90% for sure edit stuff in if i find more to say.#Fumi rambles#Crazy style#I give a TLDR at the end if youād prefer. It doesnāt have the like evidence/explanations alongside but it makes the main points i think
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Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girl found dead in a hidden room.
[First]Ā PrevĀ <ā->Ā Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan xichen#jin guangyao#jiang cheng#wei wuxian#qin su#EDIT: Tumblr published an earlier draft with only half the notes I wrote so: late entry on my JGY thoughts.#Unlike the mystic powers of the stockmarket (what the OG meme is referring to) I think this situation calls for more active investigation.#qin su is such a deeply tragic character to me and I really wish we got a bit more from her.#Love everyone who sent me messages about her after the last time she appeared.#I think she needs a spin off of her being a transmigrator SO badly.#MDZS has so many interesting characters - but it sometimes fails to give them the proper room to really develop past a role in the plot.#That's just the consequence of writing a story like MDZS. Not every character in a book *needs* to have a rich inner life and backstory!#To do so would bog down the story and obliterate any notion of pacing. It's just not possible.#Jin Guangyao (nee Meng Yao) is unfortunately not free from this leeway rule. He is the culprit of this murder mystery plot#and thus NEEDS to encapsulate the themes of the book. And personally he's a 7 out of 10 at best on this front (in the AD).#MDZS is about rumours twisting reality and working towards truth. And about how people & situations are rarely ever black & white#JGY has his motivations. He's well written in regards to his actions making sense for his character.#What started as good traits (drive to succeed & improve his image) became twisted over time (do anything to maintain his image)#and it's a good parallel to WWX! He has the same arc (with different traits)! Bonus points for IGY in that regard.#but man....by the time we confront this guy for murder there's not a lot of grey morality. He's just...deep in the hole *he* dug.#There's a beautiful tragedy to it! More on JGY in later comics - this is getting pretty long already!
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s2 + golbetty centric episode prayer circle šš
#adventure time#fionna and cake#golbetty#golb#betty grof#adventure time fanart#art tag#fionna and cake spoilers#(living in my dream world where the apple has to do with betty)#(and we will see her point of view or how she feels about her godhood ill take anything I just want more screentime with her)#(she doesnt even need to speak i dont mind a silent golbetty episode as she does her things. incomprehensible god)#(sorry for rambling i have a lot of thoughts positive and negative. but overall i need a season 2 i need more time with these characters..)#(anyway stay safe every1 please dont start hitting each other with rocks over the finale T_T)
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thinking about how canonically the pevensie siblings are 13, 12, 10, and 8 in "the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe"
thinking about how lucy needed a stool to be able to get up onto her throne, how peter's sword is a little too large for him, how susan's bow is a little too difficult for her to pull back, how edmund's shield nearly covers his entire body.
thinking about the pevensie siblings and their first few months in narnia, getting to know their new people, and half the narnians sitting there horrified because WHAT have these literal babies been through to give them such traumatized, old eyes, and the other half of the narnians are preparing to adopt them, no it doesn't matter that they're the rules, they're children who are being put in charge of too many things, and if peter looks at the old man council long enough he's going to cry, so someone needs to give him paternal support while aslan is off doing Lion Jesus Stuffā¢ļø and whoops oreius is being nice and encouraging and now he's adopted his kings and queens they're his kids now he doesn't make the rules.
just the narnians and the pevensies being thrown into it together, and just as the pevensies will do anything to protect their new kingdom, the narnians will do anything to protect their rules, because let's be honest, these children have no sense of self-preservation, and are far too overprotective of each other and their people to take into account their own safety, so a lot of battles it's just one of the pevensie siblings running headfirst into danger with oreius running after them because his kids are feral and don't know proper royalty manners and won't threatening old kings from different countries because they're being assholes and the last time one of them tried undermining the queens susan called him a self-righteous asshole and lucy tried to stab him SOMEONE help him corral his children please
#this started off angsty but now i'm giggling#oreius didn't want to adopt the rulers they kind of just... attached to him#and who is he to oppose his kings and queens when lucy gives him her puppy eyes and edmund looks so sad#and peter just needs fatherly advice and susan looks like she could use a good dad hug#he's their adoptive father they make the rules#oreius is trying his best but his four kids are going through puberty and have bonded with every narnian#and it's not like he's opposing lucy's desire to stab rulers who act like they're better than them#but he can't legally encourage regicide#oreius and tumnus trying to corral the pevensies#meanwhile peter's challenging every ruler who tries to make comments about his sisters to a fistfight#edmund's conning the rulers who peter isn't fighting into handing over their kingdom's#susan's verbally destroying half their enemies#and lucy's running around making pacts with nature spirits to haunt the other half of their enemies#i love that canonically lucy is the most feral of the pevensie kids#chronicles of narnia#the lion the witch and the wardrobe#peter pevensie#lucy pevensie#susan pevensie#edmund pevensie#oreius
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I think Astrid Hofferson has a bad case of the 'my childhood was wasted, I grew up too fast for something ultimately proven pointless.' Syndrome and that she deserves to get to do silly things she missed out on and take up new hobbies, even if she's not particularly good at themāit's purely for the experience yknow, and learn to finally breathe no longer needing to be on constant high alert and get to be truly happy
#astrid hofferson#big hc is hiccup teaching astrid to sew (shes not very good at it or patient enough to be#but still appreciates it) since she never had the chance to learn growing up#i think hiccup would have astrid try a ton of different things to find what she likes (it ends up being art. SHE CAN CANONICALLY DRAW#AND WELL.) bc he knows a bunch of random shit from how much time he spent holed up in his house#during raids and stuff. he had to entertain himself somehow. and he ends up spending time with astrid doing things that would've previously#been considered pointless back when it was constant survival mode but now they finally have time to just. Be. and are making the most of it#maybe it starts bc without the constant threat of raids looming over them it feels like they have nothing to do (despite all the work that#goes into helping the dragons acclimate) somehow not needing to be on constant high alert makes astrid antsy and she needs a#distraction other than training until she cant feel her arms anymore (unhealthy coping mechanisms abound)#trans astrid hofferson#<- RELEVANT.#httyd headcanon#httyd#moth.txt#deyas dragons
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more on the underestimated alliance rewrite/au!
i changed emma's color scheme a bit cus i wanted to use the one i usually use (cus i like it better)
anyway! 1st scene is when julia gets eliminated in s1, leaving emma confused as to why mk didn't mention her being part of the alliance!!
i love drawing emma sm
#my art#total drama#tdi 2023#td reboot#td redesign#td mk#td emma#td julia#td priya#total drama mk#total drama emma#total drama julia#total drama priya#tdi mk#tdi emma#tdi julia#tdi priya#emmk#td emmk#for someone who claims they dont like td anymore im sure drawing fanart of it...#okay i like rewriting characters that never receive their time to be redeemed/explored in a deeper way than just 'chase sucks'#girl you need to stop being a white girl stereotype and dump chase on a vat of acid#stop being obsessed w him ur character is sooo mcuh better than his........#emma couldve been everything but the writers decided to screw her over from the start
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Vanha Kauppahalli date: en full, a 2 minute 50 second masterpiece...
Primetime Panthers | 11.6.24 (x)
#aleksander barkov#matthew tkachuk#florida panthers#2425#the global series is a gift#āalright talk to me what do we got?ā with the camera following behind them makes it seems like theyre spies doing reconnaissance#the start to a thriller where they got sent to finland stake out for intelligence#maffhew not even waiting for sasha to answer before hes asks about chocolate#āthe purple one you always bringā maffhew has been charmed by sashas leaving choco in stalls as gifts when he comes back from finland huh#you can tell he says that with depravity of a man who finally realises he doesnt need to rely on his supplier he can get it himself now#āuh oh [laughs] okay... what is this?ā maffhew was not prepared for all the food to already be ready for him he just hopped off a plane and#expected to have to wait more and did not and absolutely does not trust the situation in the same way you get romantic candlelit-dinnered#and youre like alright whats all this then whats your angle what are you doing#āthis is salmon and rye bread šļæ½ļæ½ļæ½ ā(with the eagerness to prove hes smart and engaged) so is that šā ā(charmed) and so is that š«±ā#āill try your favourite firstā GURL RELAX OKAY SETTLE DOWN YOURE IN A NEW COUNTRY JUST CHILL MAN#āsalmon and rye breadāthats the famous one š¤ā [sasha nodding along because he has to reassure maffhew but also hes in the middle of eating]#maffhew choosing the most inopportune time and you can TELL sasha is like [swallows quickly] because he wants to answer but also BIG BITE#āherringā āherrin' š¤ ?ā āeating all this her-RINGā no notes#āis this just another salmon on rye breadā he says with hope because he likes salmon but also disappointment (he wants to try more foods)#ādifferent salmon? smoked?ā the amount of questions hes askijg because hes so terribly engaged he wants to know and sashas like [shrug]#he has to get an A+ in experiencing finland which is normal to want and possible to achieve#āi still love your country thoughā and sasha explodes into the mirthful grin ive seen in my life like he just won the damn jackpot#he speaks at 100 mph like please take a deep breath sweetheart youre excitement is papable but PLEASE#THE WAY HE GETS SO UNSURE WHEN HE MENTIONS BARKY HATES THAT FOOD WHEN HE LIKED IT SO MUCH#MAFFHEW YOU CAN GET A PASSING GRADE IN EXPERIENCING FINLAND IF YOU STICK TO YOUR GUNS I PROMISE#SASHA HELP A GUY OUT HERE MAN THROW HIM A BONE#SASHA ONLY LAUGHS AS MAFFHEW THROWS HIMSELF INTO A TIZZY OVER THIS YOU ARE SOOOOOO#the chuckle when sasha mentions he had runebergin torttu in school... id like to know what was funny there#we call out sasha for being too lovesick and laughing at all of maffhews ājokesā BUT HES JUST AS BAD???#āwhat the hell do i do with this thing?ā MAFFHEW HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN MERENGUE IN YOUR LIFE???
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rewatched Kurogiri's holiday story from ultra impact (not related to sketch at all)
(but it did inspire me)
on another note
finally!!
#fanart#sketch#my art#bnha#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#kurogiri#I cried a bit while playing it I missed the classic LoV I missed Kurogiri WITH the LoV it's been so long :(#and it feels like last chapter (423 atm) broke the seal of sketching them as anything but something static#it took me two or so days to just understand that Kurogiri is... yeah#I can't believe it took Horikoshi so long to bring him back but as I said and will say it again I glad it happened at all#after some thought I just want to sit with the chapters#anyway getting the preordered book was so much fun#it was full of LoV from Toga and Dabi talking about her house to Tenko being upset over being told that he doesn't have friends#and everything in-between basically only Compress left to join in the next volume#I think????#I actually want to get another one already they're so goodddd#and the translation sounds pretty good but I checked some pages not the whole book it'll be boring#it's actually so weird to think that I started a goal of reading the whole series ad it was now officially coming out like this back in 201#and now it's 2024 and the translation is pretty much ahead of anime and maybe it'll be faster than viz volumes too#since it's 2 in 1 basically - I think it's really great since I save some money but get LoV chapters every time#because they appear every 2 books at the start of the series and back then it was hard for me to get them#but I felt content seeing all the books that I bought when I was visiting family for holidays this month because there are so many of them#and I don't need any wi-fi or internet in general to read them back to back now with an addictional volume#they have some mistakes but I don't mind them it feels good to just hold all of them (and a bit heavy after like 8 books) and now it's 18
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must a book have āplotā and āstructureā and āprogression.ā is it not enough for characters to be in a place. and for that place to be really fucking weird.
#this post brought to you by. who else. lay me down. one day i will post about things that r not her but that day#is not today i fear#anyways today the concept of pacing knocks me down and kicks me in the ribs over and over and over again more news at 12.#ithink iām having trouble bc the book starts out VERY fast paced for like the first 2-3 chapters (<- Agnes And The Awful Horrible No Good#Very Bad Day) but then REALLY slows down and stays slowed down from then on. idk i just need to find a way to either slow down the beginnin#or make the rest move faster eye think#wip: ghost story
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ŠŠøŃŠµŠ³Š¾ Š½Šµ Š¾ŃŃŠ°Š½ŠµŃŃŃ Š¾Ń Š½Š°Ń, ŠŠ°Š¼ Š¾ŃŃŠ°Š½ŠµŠ¼ŃŃ, Š² Š»ŃŃŃŠµŠ¼ ŃŠ»ŃŃŠ°Šµ, Š¼Ń
hi. hello. listen to this song
i have so many thoughts about these two. oh my god. maybe i will write it out some day, but for now drawing it out will do
translation will be under the cut! knowing the words does add to the work so i do recommend reading it. or just enjoy the art <3
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heres the translation, color coded according to how i broke it up for the art. just in casies
first page:
Love is scarier than war
Love strikes more true than steel
second page:
More true, because of your own volition
third page:
You run towards all the winds
Let there be pain and eternal battle
Not atmospheric, not earthly
fourth page:
But definitely with you
caption:
There will be nothing left of us,
we will be left with, in the best case, ourselves
#kunst huli#legend of zelda#botw link#botw zelda#botw zelink#tloz#zelink#totk#botw#i cannot express how proud i am that i actually managed not only to finish this#BUT. to have it look GOOD#painting stuff n making it messy in an appealing way has always been a fucking STRUGGLE for me#n i do think u can see my over-rendering tendencies rear their head up on the last one#and also i guess i should have made the last two pages connect like i did with the rest of them but i think it still works. thematically#the last one is like. the end. a break. the start of a much needed retirement#a breather u might say!#i also think the devs should have let link hug her at the end#he deserves it he thought hed never see her like this again#oh alsooooo since im on a tangent anyway#like many people i was disappointed by the cop-out of just giving link his arm back at the end of totk#and i still think it would be cool if he didnt#(or if he kept the magic hand. just imagine how thatll help with all the restoration work dlkfgjdfkgjdfkg)#BUT anyway. i thought about it. n i have a theory about what tf did they do at the end to get not only zelda but his arm back#the fucking time powers!!! what if they just reversed time on them...........#much to thunk about. anyway#hope u enjoy <3#now i can go finish phantom hourglass#god i hate having to go back to the temple of the ocean king tho. its like dishonored but u cant go up OR knock those guys out
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Chilcille huh... ngl I was a little suspicious. like why would you do that, huh... hope youre not mischaracterizing anyone in your weird and wacky ship. a little weird. but then you said they both had flat asses and you know what? I salute you and your perfect characterization
The fact you seem to think you managed to not make this ask insulting is baffling. What the hell. Fuck off.
If you actually care to be open minded about the ship, I talk about marchil on my sideblog 24/7. Funnily enough Iām currently 4k words deep into an analysis of their character arc together in canon, but thatāll take some more days to get done. Some notable posts:
Of course without counting the analyses of Chilchuck on his own Iāve made, like my masterpost on his family situation. Or better yet you could also read my fics for them, see how weird and wacky they are here.
Wanna talk about mischaracterisation? Theyāre literally a comedic duo who interacts 24/7. Marchil is crazy bc ppl are like "did those shipper read with their eyes CLOSED?? They have no chemistry!" Meanwhile canon is like: "Sheās obsessed with knowing everything she can about him and she reads him like a book." In her eyes heās like that extra rare and hard and shiny unlockable dating sim character, that brooding mysterious character trope thatās thrilling to crack open and typically is at the center of the plot. The wife roleplay???? "Hey, did you know his type is blondes. Hey did you know he likes his women pretty and blonde. Hey did you know he likes her hair. Hey did you know that he teases her 24/7 and itās one of the few things that consistently gets him grinning because he finds her reactions cute." Like a schoolyard bully pulling on the pigtails of the girl he likes.
Itās not like they have any thematic narratives or relevance. Itās not like sheāll live to 1000 and has existential dread about it while heās logically gonna be her next friend to die at 50 and wether itās romantic or platonic itāll terrify her to lose him. Itās not like itās fear of death x fear of rejection so theyāre both obsessed with the thought of loss looming, past and ongoing. Itās not like itās half-elf x half-foot and thereās an inherent journey that was and still is to dispel prejudices and truly come to see each other. Itās not like heās painfully real and raw and flawed but still a good man, that heās not the figure of prince charming that sheās always dreamed of while still being virtuous and worth fighting for. Or you know, her hair being golden and it being the epitome of beauty to him, and his hair turning silver and it being Marcilleās worst nightmare.
Just a weird wacky ship who means nothing but shallow things to people who have weirdo reasons for liking it. Like can you not. If youāre not imaginative enough to think of reasons why this ship may have an appealing dynamic thatās not my issue. But yes, yes, theyāre both flat asses to me, thanks.
#Dungeon meshi#Ask#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#Marcille donato#chilchuck tims#Marchil#You me the parking lot after i finish and post my arc analysis#Sobbingā¦ā¦ā¦ weāre 20 over here in the rarepair pit come on. Like do u not see how obsessed i am. Do u think they like. Mean nothing to me#Do u think itās all incidental and i slipped and the 10 thousands of words I write for them had no thought or feelings behind them or#Their arc is so beautifuuuuul they come to see each other and her standards become more real while he allows hope and openness#Into his heart again šš not the way two of their scenes lowkey read as a proposalā¦#Anyways I hope this makes it clear Iāll fight to my dying breath for them.#I donāt want trouble and i imagine you donāt either so just donāt come shitting on my doorstep#In positive news my fic Grind Me Down Sweetly recently reached 100 likes and 1k hits <3 it can also be read as just platonic so if you like#Them as a duo even as friends give it a shot#Every time I see someone shitting on marchil I start making marchil content faster btw#Not art#Unstoppable force x immovable object my beloved. They need someone stubborn loving methinks. One who loves stubbornly and one who confronts
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Say something true!
#critical role#ygifs#imogearne#imogen x fearne#when youāre taking a picture of the most beautiful thing youāve ever seen and the camera falls back and fucking decks you in the face#fearne going itās ok you donāt need to confess I know~~ while imogen interrupts to say āāyouāre a loserāā they drive me NUTSkljsgdlkjs#also my brain is a little beehive cos these two Started with Fearne being the enabler to darker things while imogen was cautious#to fearne Seeing imogen about to be lost to ruidus and hardveering into panic that the power would never be worth losing her#to imogen hearing fearne hesitate and deny the shard and then telling fearne she should do it anyway#the way these two handle the other's Sways in darkness in such a Knowing way - āāAre you sure it wasnāt intentional?āā#thereās like this ping and before it was encouraging and now fearne is scared and imogen is enabling the risk#and itās like either imogen is silently ensuring laudnaās safety by fearne taking the shard despite any risk#or imogen honestly believes that fearne is stronger even than the power she would embrace. There is no risk. Fearne will conquer this.#so itās like is it ulterior motives or is it faith or is it hypocrisy or is it all three at once it's so good#imogen spending her entire life running from her power so isnāt it so much easier to tell fearne she can just do it while imogen couldnāt#or is it just her genuinely encouraging fearne from Knowing the aftermath of pursuing the power#but it's like imogen ...... why would fearne choose you over the possibility for power when she's never done that before#and is this insistence/encouragement going to actually reassure fearne or is it going to be another crack#and when they do the ritual fearne asks imogen to be the one to take her out and imogen tries to comfort her by agreeing#and fearne looks on sadly and nods#remembering when she was asked to be the one to take imogen out and all fearne knew was that she couldnāt#anyway imogen's face when fearne said you're in love with me imogen said NOT NOWDSHKJF
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note: the following is three (almost four) years post-game
okay fine i'll just draw comics for my au since writing is so dang hard smh
anyways welcome to two coins! where loop shows up again but siffrin only got the one hat ending
edit: part two
#2024#isat two coins au#isat loop#isat mirabelle#isat siffrin#isat spoilers#on technicality#isat#in stars and time#this was also an excuse to play with mira's hair again bc i wanna see her in braids so bad! with beads that click clack as she walks!#hairier isabeau... oh merciful neptune oh sweet aphrodite i thibk i hauve covid#also none of these outfits are like... definitive. i'm indecisive so i want everybody to have a wardrobe#LOOP'S HAT IS NOT SIFFRIN'S BTW they prioritized hiding from siffrin over finding where it landed oop that thing is GONE gone#that coin attached to the tip of that hat is also not siffrin's... but siffrin doesnt know that...#also āhey yall ever think about how loop can kinda turn their light out and maybe be invisible? i do#anyway this au is also loop/siffrin/isabeau just fyi... also maybe the tiniest of shoutouts to loop/odile if i'm feeling cheeky#also also also... loop still uses they/them but there will be more feminine terms used for them in this au ;u;#baby finally started seeing themself as a person again and is reevaluating their gender#people around where they've been frequently traveling call them miss lu or some call them lady#eventually when the polycule is complete i want siffrin and isabeau to both call loop ''my lady'' bc the thought just makes me melt#you don't /need/ to know that but i'm telling you#okay i've been trying to articulate my thoughts in the tags for half an hour so i'll stop now...#have a good day/night i love you mwah mwah mwah
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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!
wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end
#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh#some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2#recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person#and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety#like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that#my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms#UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child#so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had#a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time#which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it#and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md#hilson#greg house#james wilson#stacy warner
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