#i just rewatched season 1 over the last couple of days and i got reminded of why i hate edward so much

[youremyonlyhope]

I can't believe we're at a point where every single character is having trouble in their love lives, except for Lady Denham who is the happiest we've ever seen her.

Honestly, good for her.

[witchofthemidlands]

HAPPY 60TH ANNIVERSARY DOCTOR WHO

My love for Doctor Who & the Whoniverse, the impact it has had on me & how it has shaped me as a person- An Unhinged Essay by witchofthemidlands

I can definitely say in all honesty that Doctor Who has changed my life, it is my favourite television series of all time. There’s nothing quite like Doctor Who & it's spin offs & there’s not enough words in any language to describe just how much I love this show. It has had such an impact on me. Both of my parents are Whovians, my dad has seen it since Patrick Troughton & my mum started watching it when Jon Pertwee was the Doctor, we have Doctor Who coasters & for a long time, my dad even had a framed card collection of the Doctors 1-8 & aliens just around the downstairs bathroom (imagine going to the bathroom & having pictures of all eight Doctors, Davros, a Dalek, The Master, a Cybermen, an Ice Warrior & more staring down upon you 😂)

Through my love for Doctor Who, I have met two of my best friends in the world, my friend from college & my fantastic housemate from uni. It birthed this channel when I became hyper-fixated on series 10, It has helped me through depression, anxiety & has taught me to accept myself. It has also shown me so many beautiful places, I’ve been to three Doctor Who exhibitions, walked down to Durdle Door & I’ve been to Cardiff five times. I was in Cardiff last weekend & saw the place they filmed scenes from Eye of the Gorgon for the first time & it was BEAUTIFUL 🤩 I am so grateful for the existence of Doctor Who, I would not be the same person without it. I’d like to now share a couple of anecdotes from my personal life about the way in which I came to discover this fantastic show.

My first exposure to Doctor Who, was not in fact, to Doctor Who itself. The year was 2007, I was seven years old & I was just at home, after school, watching CBBC when a beautiful program called The Sarah Jane Adventures started to play. It was the episode Warriors of Kudlak & was it the incredible & wonderful Sarah Jane Smith? The fantastic & lovely Maria Jackson, the brilliant & hilarious Clyde Langer? The socially awkward Luke Smith? I’m not sure what it was about this show that made me become instantly attached but I did & from that day on I watched series one of The Sarah Jane Adventures RELIGIOUSLY. I watched it over & over again. Sarah Jane Smith was my hero & I loved her so much, she was clever, fun, looked amazing & I can just remember thinking she was so cool, I just really loved that character, I still do even now, I will always love Sarah Jane. I watched series one of that show until my parents, got sick of seeing it & decided that it was time that I started watching the show that started it all, Doctor Who.

The exact date I started watching Doctor Who was the 5th of April 2008. I was eight years old & my parents had decided that I would be watching the new season of Doctor Who with them. I did not know what to expect, I was used to Sarah Jane. I’d heard of this Doctor of course but I had no idea what I was in store for but all I can say was that eight year old me's mind was BLOWN & I’ve never looked back. I’ve watched Doctor Who ever since. I saw my first Doctor, the Tenth Doctor played by David Tennant & my first companion, Donna Noble played by Catherine Tate & I just loved them. Their energy, their humour, they were fantastic. The scene where they find each other again at the window is just brilliant. There was so much in that episode, every time I rewatch it I keep thinking to myself, no wonder I became the Whovian i am today after witnessing that masterpiece & IT ONLY GOT BETTER FROM THERE!

Of course, I do have to take a moment to talk about my favourite scene in Partners in Crime which is where Wilfred Mott waves Donna & The Doctor off at the end of the episode. Wilfred Mott reminds me of my own grandad in the way he was so kind, how he supported his granddaughter & was just a really beautiful soul. That moment where Wilfred is cheering is so euphoric, it is pure happiness & is what made me fall in love with Doctor Who. It is one of my favourite moments in the entire Whoniverse.

I would have to say that my favourite scene in the Whoniverse of all time is in my favourite episodes of Doctor Who, The Stolen Earth & Journey's End. Nothing has ever quite captured the joy of Doctor Who for me like that scene where The Doctor, Donna Noble, Metacrisis Tenth Doctor, Rose Tyler, Captain Jack Harkness, Mickey Smith, Sarah Jane Smith, Martha Jones & Jackie Tyler (well, not really 😂) are flying the Tardis, bringing the Earth home, Song of Freedom is playing & on Earth Luke Smith is holding onto K9 & cheering, Gwen Cooper & Ianto Jones are holding on for dear life, Wilfred Mott & Sylvia Noble are watching their house shake & Francine Jones, smartest of them all, has got under the table. & then in the most beautiful, happy moment, everyone on the Tardis is embracing at the end of it. Nothing will ever quite match the joy I felt watching that for the first time & the emotions it makes me feel now.

I got my first exposure to Classic Who when I was nine years old & it had been announced that David Tennant would be stepping down as the Tenth Doctor & Matt Smith would be taking his place. Now, I’d seen the transition between Nine & Ten, I knew other people had played the Doctor & I loved Christopher Ecclestone as the Doctor but I just remember being very negative about the Tenth Doctor regenerating & I went through a phase where I didn’t want to watch Doctor Who & went back to just exclusively watching The Sarah Jane Adventures, of course now, I welcome new regenerations, I’m so excited to see what Ncuti Gatwa brings to the table because I loved him as Eric Effiong but back when I was a kid, regeneration was just not something I was keen on at all.

Now my nana had watched it since William Hartnell was the Doctor, my dad had watched the Doctor since he was Two & my mum, since he was Three so they were determined to show me that other versions of the Doctor have been fantastic in the past & they decided on this random Saturday night that I should be exposed to Doctor Who The Movie.

I loved that film, I really did. I haven’t seen it in a long time & I always think that I must have dreamt up some elements of the plot but NO, the plot of that film is something else, it really is. It’s camp, it’s funny, it has the best Tardis interior ever, it’s absolutely balls to the wall unhinged but IT HAS HEART, Paul McGann is THE Doctor & the fact he didn’t get a season after this I don’t know because he was brilliant. Honestly The Night of the Doctor changed me fundamentally as a person when that aired. If the rumours are true about the Eight Doctor coming back for a show, I am going to be the most annoying person on this site. I am going to lose my mind.

Now I genuinely think the reason I have such love for the Seventh Doctor is because my first real impression of this Doctor & Classic Who was Seven getting shot by a gang outside his Tardis 😭 which is I think why in my teens when I went into my local HMV the first Classic Who DVD's I picked up were Third & Seventh Doctor era serials. The Seventh Doctor is a brilliant, Machiavellian scheming little gremlin & I love him more than anything & I just fell in love with Classic Who, I really did because I’d seen the Third Doctor appear in a flashback in The Sarah Jane Adventures, he was also my mum’s first Doctor & I knew I had to see a full episode of his & he was a wonderful, the first time I saw a serial of his properly, he reminded me of Twelve.

Another story I would like to share is a Doctor Who related moment that brought me & my uni housemate to our knees at 2 O’clock in the morning on 27th of January 2020 when I was twenty year old.

I was just getting ready for bed, casually scrolling through tumblr when I saw a post. Now, I will admit I’d sort of taken a short break from Doctor Who in its 12th season after Spyfall because I was busy with uni so I wasn’t exactly up to date but Fugitive of the Judoon had just aired & I was reading that apparently one of my favourite Doctor Who characters of all time, Captain Jack Harkness had returned to the show now this is the first lgbtq+ character both me & my uni housemate had ever seen on tv, Captain Jack Harkness & Torchwood helped both me & my housemate accept our identities & taught us to not be afraid of who we are & that there’s nothing wrong with us. Captain Jack Harkness & Torchwood were the first positive representation we’d been given in our youth. I knew my friend was doing the bins at the time so I just opened the window & screamed down to him CAPTAIN JACK'S BACK ON DOCTOR WHO!

Both me & my uni friend are still apologising to our other housemate to this day for what conspired next. My friend dropped the bags, ran back inside the house & got the episode going. We recruited another friend of his that loved Doctor Who & the three of us sat & watched Fugitive of the Judoon together & oh my god when Captain Jack showed up, the three of us at half past two in the morning were screaming like it was a sports match, we were cheering, throwing things around the living room, hugging & all in all, losing our minds. Yes, we did wake up our non-Whovian housemate who was not happy but it is a core memory for me & really showed to me just how Doctor Who had brought me & my friends together.

On another note, I will always be so grateful to Torchwood because of that, no it wasn’t perfect & no neither was Doctor Who in terms of representation but it mattered to me, it mattered to my friend, it was important for us to see Captain Jack Harkness kiss a man (alien) on our screens when we were growing up, for Ianto Jones & Captain Jack Harkness's relationship to exist, for me to see Gwen Cooper kiss a alien presenting as a woman & to also see Toshiko Sato also kiss an alien presenting as a woman.

When it comes to favourite Whoniverse characters, I love every Doctor there is no version of the Doctor that I don’t love. I’d have to say that the Tenth Doctor is my favourite version of the Doctor & that Donna Noble is my favourite companion because of their significance to me but all in all if I had to choose, I’d say my favourite Doctor is The Ninth & the Tenth, the transitions between the two are so seamless. The fantastic Christopher Ecclestone & brilliant David Tennant will always be my favourite versions of the Doctor. The same way that Catherine Tate as Donna Noble, Billie Piper as Rose Tyler & Freema Agyeman as Martha Jones are my favourite companions. I have a definite soft spot for Rose Tyler because she was my nana's favourite as well, Martha Jones because she’s so brave, clever & beautiful and of course, Donna Noble because she is brilliant.

I have to mention the spin offs because it’s The Sarah Jane Adventures that began my adventures as a Whovian, other than Sarah Jane Smith herself my favourite character was always Maria Jackson. That girl meant the world to me when I was seven, I loved her, oh I loved her so much she was fantastic, kind, clever, amazing & I was DEVASTATED when she & her brilliant dad, the best tv dad to tv dad ever, Mr. Alan Jackson, went to America at the start of series 2. I’ve always liked to imagine that Maria turned out to be a lesbian like I did because I, very much like Maria was also ✨attached✨ to Sarah Jane Smith.

Clyde Langer, Clyde Langer is getting his own paragraph because of how much he means to me. I think I’d had to say that Clyde is my favourite over all because apart from Invasion of the Bane, Clyde was there from the start to the end of The Sarah Jane Adventures & I loved him, he was the funniest character around the stuff he came out with was comedy gold, he was resourceful, sweet & one of the most incredible characters in the entire Whoniverse. He may be my favourite male character in the entirety of the Whoniverse.

Seeing Daniel Anthony as Clyde Langer again in Tales of the Tardis has made the 60th for me, out of everything we’ve been given for the 60th anniversary of Doctor Who, David Tennant & Catherine Tate, new Murray Gold music & RTD back as showrunner, everything I’ve ever wanted & more and yet none of that means as much to me as seeing Clyde Langer again did.

Talking of Whoniverse spin off characters that have my heart in a choke hold I have to talk about my favourite CLASS character. I have to talk to you all about Ram Singh, my SON, my lad who can do no wrong. The sweet boy who loved his girlfriend so much, who suffered more tragedies & pain than any other character in the entire Whoniverse other than the Doctor did in only eight episodes. My guy lost his leg, watched his girlfriend get butchered in front of him, watched another woman get torn apart by an alien in front of him, watched his loving, wonderful dad (who was also one of the tv dads of all time) get killed by an alien & then had to watch his friend kill his new girlfriend who had just professed her love to him. I just love him, I really do, he started off rather mean but he grew as a person over the course of the series.

Now I love EVERYONE in the Torchwood Three team equally, they are fantastic characters who mean the world to me but there’s always that one character who just has something about them that makes me love them the most & that character is Dr. Owen Harper.

I mean this when I say this with my whole chest that Burn Gorman is one of the best actors in the Whoniverse. I mean, I came to Torchwood when I was fourteen for Captain Jack Harkness because I loved him so much & I was so happy to FINALLY get to watch his show but as it turns out, Owen Harper became my favourite character even over Jack who I love more than anything because Owen was just so good. The Dead Man Walking / A Day in the Death storyline is potentially a showcase of the best acting in the Whoniverse. Owen Harper is brilliant, he’s sarcastic, funny, morally questionable here & there, the reason I got into Big Finish, a genuinely good person who did care even if he pretended not to, whose story tore my heart out thew it into oncoming traffic & stamped on it like a herd of wildebeests to the power of mufasa dying in the lion king because oh my GOD the character that Owen Harper was but ABOVE ALL OWEN HARPER IS & ALWAYS WILL BE my favourite ratman. He’s the reason that I met one of the kindest most brilliant people on this site, my mutual, my friend who is so wonderful & WHO UNDERSTANDS the level of feral I reach for Owen Harper & the fact they scrapped his action figure is both of our villain origin stories. @kirstyth you are fantastic, I am so grateful that we started talking, you have shown me some incredible Owen audios & I am on my way to respond to your message now because I haven't done that & I am so sorry but I just wanted to say that I am so grateful that the Whoniverse introduced me to you.

Out of the Classics I would have to say that Sylvester McCoy as the Seventh Doctor & Paul McGann as the Eighth Doctor own my heart because they were my first Classic Doctors but in this past year I have grown to love the Second Doctor so much, oh he’s just wonderful & so is his companion, Jamie McCrimmon, I mean I’ve only known of this character for a year & I was crying my eyes out during Tales of the Tardis so I can’t even imagine how my dad was feeling watching that when he’d actually seen The War Games when it aired & talking of companions, Ace, Ace McShane, my love. I was still mostly in the closet when I was sixteen & first encountered her but it is undeniable now how much I was attracted to her & I STILL AM! She’s absolutely gorgeous 😍

Of course Elisabeth Sladen as Sarah Jane Smith is my favourite Classic Who companion because she was my first Whoniverse character I ever saw, she was my hero when I was a young kid & quite potentially the reason why I am the deranged lesbian that I am today. I still remember that morning, I was eating breakfast & rewatching The Lost Boy for the millionth time when my mum came in & told me that Elisabeth Sladen had passed away. My mum was devastated too because Sarah Jane Smith was her first companion she ever saw, she’d grown up with her like I had & she’d meant so much to both of us. We were both crying through Clyde & Jo's segment of Tales in the Tardis when they mentioned her. I still haven’t watched Farewell, Sarah Jane Smith in full yet, one day I will.

I can’t finish this essay without thanking Doctor Who for introducing to me to a fellow TimePetals shipper because it is & will always be my favourite Whoniverse ship, the loveliest most wonderful mutual a person could ask for @sallysellsseashellssundays You are brilliant, I am so grateful that Doctor Who brought us together. I love talking to you about Doctor Who & the Whoniverse, it’s one of the highlight of my weeks seeing your messages, they really are fantastic, absolutely fantastic, they are supportive & so kind about my own writing & they are currently writing a fantastic TimePetals fan fiction which has got to be one of the best fanfics I have read in a long time, it’s a masterpiece, they are a genius & one of the greatest writers I know, the way they write the characters & craft the stories are inspired, it’s like watching actual episodes of the show.

Thank you, Doctor Who, I am so grateful that Partners in Crime was the first Doctor Who episode I ever saw & for that (and many other reasons) series 4 will always be my favourite season of Doctor Who, The Tenth Doctor & Donna Noble will always be my favourite Doctor & companion because they were the first & I can’t even begin to explain what it means to me that David Tennant & Catherine Tate are reprising their characters in THREE DAYS TIME 🤩

With all my love to The Sarah Jane Adventures, Doctor Who & Torchwood. I love you so much, thank you for making my life better.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

April 2021 Part 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Second Chance Ep 1 - living up to its name since it looks to be a series of redemption arcs. Launched with a college confession and a broken friendship, then a flash back to them as seniors in high school. Pairings include friends to lovers, nerd/jock, and maybe cafe boss/employee. There’s a lot going on, but it’s still... quiet and sweet. The script is pretty pat but it’s still WAY more watchable than Cupid Coach or Brothers and most of the acting is solid. Ep 1 tropes included: he’s in engineering, wound tending, fast & bicurious. This could turn into what I wanted My Gear & Your Gown to be. Fingers crossed. 

Love Poison 2 Ep 1 & 2 turns out I did watch and report on season 1 (8 eps), season 2 seems equally unmemorable. Thai countryside setting, strong dialect, incomprehensible plot, camp side characters, and ghastly singing. 

Y-Destiny Ep 1 (eng subs?) - opened with the sports romance enemies to lovers (they aren’t going in the teaser order). When the couple got over fighting, the flirting was v cute, but the flipping SPONGE BATH trope had to rear its ugly head. Still, this series is shaping up to be less coy and more frank than most BL, better than expected. It feels, I don’t know, gay-er or something?  *** Sources were correct that each couple is getting (at least) 2 eps, and MDL has been updated to say this is a 15 episode series (not 7). 

Cupid Coach 12 fin - The new Nite was great and should have been a main all along. It felt like we got a tiny nugget of what could have been in about 10 minutes worth of this last ep. It was way too slow with terrible editing and a criminally bad script, but at least it ended happy. Mostly, like Friend Forever, I’m just disappointed that these two actors were done dirty by the series. Bad Cupid Coach, no screen caps for you. 

Lovely Writer Ep 6 - breaking news, there’s a het couple I like: toppy bi femme + soft boi = such a good pairing! I know, but this NEVER happens. Meanwhile, Sib’s secret is out, Gene is a bit of a drama queen, and the plot thickens. We half way through.  

Brothers Ep 9 - Kaow had a serious moment of advice giving that was truly lovely. Lots of family dama made this a superior episode to... well... any of the others in this series. Which isn’t saying much. 

1000 Stars Ep 10 fin - at the start this series didn’t grab me the way GMMTV’s last BL, Tonhon Chonlatee, did. But boy did it end 1000x better. Might have given us 2021′s best forehead kiss. I enjoyed the ultra romantic cliff-top reunion kiss, and I LOVED the stinger flirting scene. That was an absolute gift we had no right to expect. This drama is a poster child for finishing on a high note (always focus on that dessert course). Final thoughts? This was FAR more a classic romance than it was BL. There were some BL tropes used but not many and most of them originated in the romance genre not yaoi. A picture perfect ending bumped 1000 Stars much higher up my best-of list than expected. Not sure how often I’ll rewatch it as a whole, but this last episode? I’m probably rewatching it right now. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 3 fin - I guess that’s it? Okaaaaay  

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 3 (AKA Ep 5-6) - we got actual legit gay culture not just BL (always appreciated) from XingSi. I’m starting to find LiCheng’s “show them we fucking” hijinks hilarious rather than annoying (not sure why, maybe I just love a rubber chicken, or maybe it was the STUFFED CORN WITH THE TASSEL that did it). 

-- H4 Moment of RANT --

Tropes included beach trip, there’s only one bed, cook for him, baby is a floppy drunk, carry baby to bed, and.... drunk non-con. Whoopdedoo. Here we go again. Did TharnType teach us NOTHING? (Apparently it taught us if the chemistry is good enough, I have no morals at all.) At least H4 seems to be taking us out of cheese into serious when it comes to assault. Or is it? 

I take back what I said last week about XingSi & YongJie being codependency + salvation trope, that only works if YongJie is the uke. He’s NOT. So we got us an obsessive predatory villain with a possible redemption arc. That’s more common in crime dramas, mafia romance, and epic fantasy than BL. It’s real hard to redeem a sexual predator in a reality-grounded universe like contemporary romance (See Kla in LBC1&2). 

Next week is gonna be a test of the whole damn franchise. Imma remind both me a you that this was ep 3 of 10 so we got a ways to go yet... but ooof, what have we wrought, BL? (I ended up doing a whole post about the stepbrother trope because of this sub plot.) Taiwan is killing me.

-- RANT ended --

Word of Honor (China) Ep 19-21 - over half way point so we got ALL the back story (in a classic 4 act story structure midway reveal). Now we know who WKX really is and his lineage. We also got some cute hugs and hand holds. Moving along at a nice clip despite being 36 eps total. Still gayest thing to come out of we-not-gay China since Advance Bravely. 

Most Peaceful Place (Vietnam) Ep 2 - takes them a while to get eng subs together and ep 2 didn’t drop until late. So I’m putting this in a Thurs time slot going forward. Miscommunication already cleared up and a 2nd couple has been introduced. The pacing on these Vietnamese BLs is always a bit... off. But it’s still better than most of its ilk, enjoyable. I’m thinking it’s a 6 ep arc. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 5 - after the initial drama DRAMA of ep 2, the current external crisis at work is much quieter, giving this whole season a top heavy feel. Taken along side the first season, I think it’s fitting nicely into a 4 act structure, but that might be my bias. I hope I’m not wrong, we’ll find out next week. Shi De puttering about being domestic with Shu Yi on his back was the best execution of the piggyback trope EVER. Meanwhile, our little D/s side couple of codependency, salvation trope + mental illness is becoming weirdly appealing. I don’t know. H4 done mess with my head. 

Stand Alones 

Absolute BL AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko  (Japan) Ep 1-4 mini series. Found subs under A Man Who Defies The World of BL. IT’S HILARIOUS. It’s Japan making fun of us, but also itself for having started this whole BL nonsense - from yaoi roots to present day. It’s parody goddamn gold. Utterly cheeky unto the very last line. We are not worthy. 

Apparently the most powerful tropes of all time are: baby is a floppy drunk and the piggyback fo nobility. Oh and chocolate. {Full review here.} 

Honestly, this show may have been made with only @heretherebedork and I in mind. I don’t know if you’d even understand half of it if you don’t have a history with the manga source genre and an obsessive interest in underlying narrative devices. I haven’t seen much chatter in the blog’o’sphere on this one because, in the end, it’s not a romance at all, it’s social commentary. 

The ending line was a masterclass in lampooning a genre. I’m going to rewatch the whole thing just to catch all the digs I missed first time around. It is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. 

Thank you Japan. I forgive you all your hair-styling sins of the last decade. 

Breaking News 

Spring Line Up:

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) April 15th 

Close Friend the series (Thai trailer) April 22. 

2gether the movie (Thai trailer) April 22 to Thai theaters.

Nitiman (Thai) May 7 on One31.

I Told Sunset About You 2 (Thai) May 27 on LineTV

Ossan’s Love (Hong Kong) June to Viu 

Gossip 

Bad Buddies released its first promo op via Arm Share, which means GMMTV is at least *thinking* about filming it. 

Fun behind the scenes gossip sesh with eng subs for Tell the World I Love You (that Perth Bas movie we are maybe getting someday but will likely be sad). 

New Thai BL Bite Me (adapted from novel Grab a Bite) dropped a teaser. It stars Mark Siwat (Kla in LBC) as uke character Ake, a delivery boy with special foodie powers, and chef Eua (seme played by Zung Kidakorn) who discovers him. It’s from the same author as Manner of Death so we might even get some actual plot. Since it’s an established BL actor who I happen LOVE, a known author, and a plot about FOOD, I could not me more excited for this one. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons. Some are dropping multiples at a time but just started so I’m not sure on numbering. 

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

[spencerhotchner]

Alternative {spencer reid}

Chapter 1 

summary: Since quarentine was announced, Y/N decided to rewatch all seasons of Criminal Minds. On a lonely night she wished she could be in that universe instead of this. What happens when she wakes up in 2008 in Quantico?

warnings: angst, a very confused reader, regular cm stuff and my grammar (if you find anything else pls lmk

word count: 2k

a/n: i have this idea while watching a movie about parallel universes and all, so i just wanted to try this out. it will be a 10 parts series! im not really sure about this, i think i kinda hate it but im posting it anyways lmao. i hope you gonna enjoy!

series masterlist

part 1 | part 2

You woke up feeling dizzy and with a major headache. At first you thought it was because you drank a whole lot of wine last night but then you saw yourself in a room you never saw before. You stoop up quickly trying to understand where you were and how did you end up there. You were sure that you have never been in this place before, and it was scaring you that you showed up in there.

There was a mirror nailed to the wall in from of you almost forcing you to look at your own body, that made you notice that you were still wearing the same clothes from last night, but you weren’t home. Not being home was odd given by the fact you stayed there with your family and two friends you invited over, since there’s a whole freaking pandemic going on and you for sure did not want to get sick or get other people sick. 

“Did I get kidnapped?” you think out loud. “No, I just watch too much Criminal Minds.” you tell yourself, trying to calm down.

You reach for the face mask placed on the nightstand, getting ready to leave this random place and go home. You tried not to freak out when you realized your phone was gone and the only cellphone in there was probably as old as your grandmother. You dialed your moms number about five times and all of them went on voicemail, making you curse mentally. 

This can’t be happening. Not to me.

As soon as you leave the apartment you were in you realized you weren’t in your hometown, definitely not. It was crowded, like, really crowded and no one was wearing any face masks. Where did the freaking pandemic go? You wondered while you felt like a misfit for being the only one wearing it. 

“Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” you ask an old lady walking by.

“You’re on Main Street, sweetheart.” she says.

“No, um, I mean the city.” you watched as the old lady looked at you with a funny face, as if she was calling you crazy on her mind.

“We’re in Quantico, dear.”

“Quantico?” you repeat, mostly for yourself then for her. The lady started at you like you were an alien. “Thank you so much, ma’am.”

The air started to go low on you, how did you get to Virginia, anyway? That was across the country from where you lived, Bellevue in Washington state. You started lost walking, trying to understand what the hell was going on. It felt like you were on a parallel universe, like you were in a dream but couldn't wake up and it sure felt very real. You stoped a jornal shop taking a lot at the last newspaper in there, trying to figure if something happened that you were missing. However, nothing reported there shocked you, what did, though, was the date. 

July 1st, 2008

You were about to ask someone about it when you bumped into a blonde woman, falling on the ground. As soon as you looked up, you almost chocked yourself. If the day was already weird, this was even weirder. A.J Cook was standing right in front of you with a concerned look. You couldn't really say anything, just staring at her like she wasn't real. It was weird seeing her in front of you after only seeing her through screens. 

“I’m so sorry!” she said as she offered a hand for you to get up. “Are you ok?”

“I- um, yes! I’m fine.” you san, getting the dirt out of your outfit. “I’m a big fan of yours! Wish I had my phone here to take a picture but- sorry.“ you stoped talking, realizing she probably doesn’t care.

“Big fan of me? Wow, howcome somebody’s a fan of me?” she sounds surprised.

“Well, you’re on Criminal Minds.” you say as it was obvious. 

She looked at you as if you were out of your mind. Not that you weren't thinking otherwise at the moment, anyways. 

“I’m on what now?” she asked.

Maybe you got confused and she was the wrong person, but she looked so much like her to not be her. If they were not the same person, then definitely twins. This was so weird, once again, you found yourself asking ‘what the hell’ mentally.

“You’re JJ, Jennifer Jareau, FBI Agent and all.” you say, trying one more time. “Behaviour Analysis Unit...”

“Yea, that‘s me.” she let a nervous laugh comes out of her mouth. “How do you know me?”

‘This is weird’ you thought. How does she not understand where you know her from? Literally Criminal Minds, like you said at first. ‘Maybe this is all a dream.’

“I saw you on tv” you try.

“Oh, I see! You like law enforcement?” she asks you.

“Oh yes, I’m in law-school to be a judge someday.” you answered. “The show, all of it just makes me wanna put all them bad guys in jail.” you say, laughing a bit. 

“The show...? What?” you hear her whisper, but decide to ignore it. “What’s the mask about?” JJ asks, making you look at her surprised.

“Um, covid-19?” you say like it’s obvious, because it is.

“Oh, sure...” she smiles as she says it, almost like she's only agreeing because she won't discuss it. “Great talking to you, really, but I gotta go, FBI duty calls.” she jokes.

You smile at her watching carefully as she picks up her phone from her pocket and pick up a call. That phone looked awfully old, like 2000’s old. Why would a famous actress have that kinda of phone? Then, you looked around trying to understand more about what was going on. It was all too out of place.

First, nobody wearing masks, not even a single person but you. Second, you were in a city in which is miles away from your own. Third, a famous actress acted like she’s nobody. And fourth, the date on the calendar said 2008.

If it wasn’t just impossible I would say I time travelled into Criminal Minds universe.

After standing there for literal 10 minutes trying to figure it out what you were going to do, you decide to go to the police department. After all, you may have been abducted, right? Because you didn’t have any knowledge of the place, you took quite some time to get there. As soon as you got there you sigh in relief, that has been quite a walk and damn, you were tired of this situation. 

“Excuse me, ma’am, can you help me?” you ask to the lady standing behind the counter.

“Sure, dear. What do you need?” she looks up at you, taking her glasses of her face.

“I think I might have been abducted?” you start. “I woke up in this random apartment.”

“Maybe you had a one-night stand.” she said putting back her glasses.

“No! I am sure I didn’t because first of all, there’s a pandemic going on, second of all I was in Bellevue in Washington state when I went to sleep.” you yell, involuntarily, desperate to make her believe in you. 

“Miss, I’m gonna need you to calm down or you will be escorted out of the building. You’re probably on drugs, there's nothing we can do for you.”

“Fuck you.” you say as you watch her face get all red.

Frustrated. That could define what you were feeling, scared and worried could do the work, as well. What were you going to do now? Go to the FBI to see if they could freaking understand why you simply appeared in Quantico? Didn't sound like a bad idea in your mind as you decided to just try it out. After all, you were already pretty screwed up, it would worth a shot.

You reached for your back pocket, hoping that the money you shoved in there more than a week ago would still be in there. Bingo! You pull out a 20 dollar bill out of it and the next thing you know you’re getting into a cab asking him to take you to the FBI. Now that’s something you never thought would happen. The travel was quite quick, in 20 minutos you were standing in front of that big isolated building. It looked like it was taken straight out of your favorite show, that was insane. 

The wind blew hard on you when you got out of the vehicle, making you shiver a little, that reminded you that you did not have any clothes nor money to buy more. God, you did not even have where to go. You didn't even get the chance to get into the building as a big man steps in front of you, blocking your way. 

“Miss, you're not allowed in this building.” he said without much expression. 

“But, sir-” you started, as you saw he was about to interrupt you, you go on. “Ive been abducted and I don't know where or how the hell did I get in here, I’m completely hopeless... Please.” you beg him.

He started at you for a couple of seconds, that felt like centuries for you, just to sigh at you.

“Ok, follow me.” he said. “Do not make me regret this.” 

“I-I won’t, sir.” you were quick to answer. 

The agent asked another man to cover up for him as he led me into the building. Once again you found yourself admired of how much it did look like a Criminal Minds episode in there, if you weren't totally desperate you'd be amused. Soon, you two were out of the elevator on floor 8, leading with the words Behavior Analysis Unit quite big. 

“Can you take her to Agent Jareau, please?” the man said to someone who passed by, who simply agreed. 

Now, that's a funny coincidence, there's actually an Agent Jareau in the BAU. 

You followed the woman with questioning trying to stay calm when you saw Matthew Gray Gubler sitting on a desk reading some book in Reid style, almost like he was Spencer himself. If you had any doubts you were going crazy, that was the final proof. You stoped walking, taking a stare at him and then at the Agent that stared a you like you were an alien.

“Is there something wrong?” she asks you. “Miss, are you ok?”

You were unable to answer for a few seconds when you finally opened you mouth, still trying to figure it out how to say what was on your mind without sounding completely insane.

“Is that Dr. Spencer Reid?” 

And that was all you’re able to say because as soon as you let his name out of your mouth he looked up at you, trying to somehow recognize you. You were sure, that time, that you never looked - and sounded - as insane as right now. 

“Yes, that's me.” he answers. 

His voice was the last thing you could hear before everything go black. Maybe you were finally going to wake up. Maybe. 

[pluviophile-bookworm]

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series: The Rewatch pt.3

Ok, full disclosure: I should not be doing this right now. But I've been thinking about it since yesterday and, well, I reckon I can go over 1x4 and 5, and then move on to my actual work. So here we are. I'm really, really excited for these two, so without further ado, I'll dive right into:

1x4: It's hard to believe that I couldn't see... the majority of what happens in this episode when I first watched it

Why is Nini such a pro at making a scene with whoever her current boyfriend is in the middle of a public place? I mean, I get it that she's upset about EJ going through her phone — who wouldn't be — but maybe - and this is just a friendly suggestion — she could try and discuss that in private, not start a shouting match within view of all their classmates. Just saying.

'Ricky would never steal my phone' — well, perhaps not, but he's not quite above deleting stuff from it, either... I wonder if whoever is writing this show knows that there are many other ways to make a relationship unhealthy... it's not funny anymore. Just repetitive.

Ahhh Natalie and her emotional support hamster! At least there's one good thing about this scene.

Sure, Ricky, blame Big Red for the fact that you misplace your stuff... a very nice best friend he's got, indeed.

Gosh, everything is so awkward and there is just so much tension all over the place — Ricky's parents, then EJ and Nini, and then Carlos just being oblivious to the fact that they just broke up... you know, that last part just made me laugh. And then Ricky's reaction to his parents legally separating just broke my heart. That boy's been through too much.

Big Red being completely clueless about theatre terms is super funny and endearing, but let me just put myself in his shoes for a sec. He's followed his best friend into a badly thought-out scheme to get back together with his ex, got dragged into joining the crew, and is now expected to know what everything is. I would not put up with that... ok, who are we kidding, I'm a massive pushover and would put up with anything, but my point is... he shouldn't have to. At least people are doing the bare minimum to help him learn and nobody's laughed at him for not knowing. That's the good thing about this crew.

Ok, so I have posted about my thoughts of their take on What I've Been Looking For before, back when the episode was brand new, so I won't go into detail about that. In short, I think they've got the arrangement all wrong considering that it is a plot point in the original movie, but... the execution is funny. The scene is about Nini and EJ's post-breakup tension and it shows. I just kind of wish now Miss Jenn had pulled Nini out and put Gina in, even just for this rehearsal — and I might or might not be saying this as a Portwell shipper.

Miss Jenn is done with the students' personal drama and honestly, I'm right behind her. These kids are being completely unprofessional — and well, I realise that we can't expect them to be professional at this stage, but... they could at least try to concentrate on rehearsal and not their personal lives for a second.

Ricky hugging a cushion is my spirit animal. That's it, that's the comment.

Ahhh the tension between EJ and Gina though... 'around here seniors don't follow sophomores' — well, we'll see how it goes, Mr. Senior.

What gives Nini the right to shout at strangers about their relationship? I am honestly so frustrated with her these days. Wonder why I never was during season 1. The reasons are all there.

'He loves you' — yeah, like a little sister, he does. Also, Ash is so precious, always trying to see the good in other people. EJ 1.0 is so lucky he had her as an example.

Ok, I'm not going to go into what an amazing best friend Big Red is because we all know that (plus I'm saving it for a certain scene in 1x5), but this must be so hard for him. I mean, he's trying his absolute best to help Ricky feel better and distract him from his problems, and Ricky is turning everything down. I mean, I guess I understand where he's coming from too, but I'm unable to look at things through the lead-centric lens alone anymore. I'm more aware of non-lead characters now (some more so than others) and this is putting a whole new spin on my perception of everything that happens.

I've got no idea how Big Red can sleep with all this noise, though. I could never. But to each their own.

'perfect on paper' — that's EJ 1.0 to a T. I've got to give Nini that.

Ricky wearing the pride t-shirt... we love to see it.

See, this is why I keep forgetting why I ever shipped Rini and then remembering again... their chemistry is just so on-again-off-again, and here it's definitely present, but I just need a couple with consistent chemistry, you know. Hey, isn't that kind of what All I Want is about? Kind of. I don't know. I've been unable to listen to that song ever since it got big irl. I have this... problem with media that becomes popular and mainstream... I mean, I never hold a grudge against things just for being popular, but I just... relate to underrated stuff much easier. Not because it's underrated, but it just so happens that nearly everything I like and relate to is underrated in some capacity. Even HSMTMTS itself — it's practically unheard of here in Bulgaria, so I would not have found it if I hadn't been looking for it specifically. Ok, this comment got derailed several times. I guess I'll just stop here and move right on to 1x5 at this point.

1x5: A bedazzled tablecloth, a perfectly balanced unicycle and bad reception at the barn... not the perfect ingredients, but they can still... Work This Out

'Miss Jenn says that's a life in the arts... well, that and almost constant unemployment' — alright, I know this line is not supposed to be funny, and that it's a painful reality for a lot of people, but... maybe it's the delivery. I just laugh every time.

See, this is what I mean when I say I want to see consistent chemistry — Seblos have it. I mean, I really don't want to jinx things, but... they do.

Big Red seems to be in a more... outspoken mood today, I guess you could say. Too bad Ricky is still shutting everything he says down. Seriously, Big Red and Seb should start a club for people who try their best to be there for their loved ones and still keep being shushed.

I might be super frustrated with nearly everything Nini says and does (can somebody please tell me why that is?), but... flushing her dress down the toilet? Major mood.

Listen, I love Miss Jenn and that she's close to her students, but... emerging from a toilet cubicle and inviting herself to Kourtney and Nini's girls' night was... Will Shuester level of questionable.

Ricky being the mature one about his parents separation is... I mean, it's admirable, but how did he move past the impending depression of last episode and towards being the one who tells his dad to get up and move on? Well, I mean, good for him. But I think the issue is far from buried yet.

'Friend of the year'? Ricky? I don't think so. First of all, if he were, he'd know that Big Red does not have two left feet. Wasn't it you, Ricky, who was stumbling over the steps in HSM a couple of weeks ago? You're one to talk. Plus Big Red's been listening and trying to help while you've just been spouting off about your personal problems for... how long has it been now? I get it, Ricky has issues that he needs to work through, but he's almost legally blind in both eyes when it comes to Big Red.

Ok, but Ricky is the epitome of 'cannot solve his own problems but has a suggestion on how everybody else should solve theirs' in this episode. Maybe take a step back and listen to your own advice?

'My parents think I'm bonding with the livestock' — I've got no idea why I find this line so funny, but I do. And I've got so much love for this entire scene. Carlos' reaction to Seb's response to his invitation is just... the most adorable thing ever! My heart might just burst. Especially given what we're about to go through tomorrow in 2x10... I am. Not. Ready.

The entire karaoke scene just reminds me of... pretty much every extended family reunion on my mum's side. Her cousins love karaoke and are also completely tone-deaf. I love it that they're able to have fun with it, but my ears are still recovering from my great aunt's birthday party two years ago.

'When did you become Nini?' — Why does Mr. Mazzara know so much about his students' dating lives? I mean, Miss Jenn does, too, but he doesn't strike me as someone as invested in them as her. Idk, it just struck me as kind of weird.

'I didn't agree to photos' — please, EJ, I'm sure you'll want memories from your first fake-dating gig with Gina... once you're no longer fake-dating, you know. Boy, these two are going to have stories to tell to their grandchildren.

I've said some stuff about Nini, but... 'a bedazzled tablecloth' is the funniest description I've heard for Gina's homecoming dress.

'Maybe it's not actually about you at all.' Yeah, you tell him, Reddy! Ricky needs to get over himself.

The way Big Red sniffs out the drama, though... I was not-so-randomly reminded of that moment in 2x9 where Seb was like Carlos. and Big Red was like, 'Are you guys fighting?'...

Big Red doing a comedic lip-reading of Gina and EJ's dramatic scene is absolutely hilarious. I might or might not have sold my heart and soul to him after seeing that scene for the first time. But I just remembered how he said earlier that maybe he can't read lips and that just makes this 100% funnier — he was basically like a child who can't read yet making up a story based on the pictures in a book, and I mean it in the best way possible. He's a theatre dark horse, this one, and they should all be intimidated — or inspired, whatever they choose — by his hidden talents. Gosh, I love this guy. But can you blame me?

'You think I'm actually going to confide in you?' — Absolutely. You can't bully someone from your position of authority over them and then act like you're their friend. I do know now that Mr. Mazzara has hidden depths, but he had no right to be as rude to Carlos as he was in 1x3. He was right about one thing, though — Carlos doesn't need a dance partner to dance.

Ricky saying he was going to apologise to Gina and counting that as an apology is giving me major TJ/ Buffy flashbacks. I wonder why that is... * sarcasm *

Nini feeling like a fraud makes me actually sympathise with her for a second. But I feel like Nini's flaw of defining herself through boys and Ricky in particular has been addressed one time too many now, since it was first addressed here in this episode. If they make her and Ricky get back together again in season 2, I will riot. [side note: I feel like the Born to Be Brave scene says a lot about both Rini and Seblos as couples. Nini and Carlos both feel, in the moments leading up to the song, like they are incomplete without their partners. Ricky, too, has built his personality entirely around Nini at that time (and is still not completely over that in s2). And then the song comes in to remind them that they don't need a partner to be happy. I'm just thinking of Big Red's 'perfectly balanced unicycle' comment from the promotional materials, and of how he and Ashlyn, even when they're dating in s2, are never portrayed as being incomplete without each other. I guess there's a reason why they're the Beta Couple of the show — their relationship drama is nearly non-existent, and when it does exist, it's just caused by them caring too much about each other. Every other couple on the show should learn from them.]

Everybody supporting Carlos during the Born to Be Brave number just warms my heart so much... I am actually crying real tears. And then the end, when Seb finally shows up, right in time for the slow dance... I have a lot of feelings about this scene.

Seblos' dialogue here still kind of makes me cringe a little... but like, in a good way.

Yikes... Miss Jenn's getting into trouble... I mean, it was bound to happen sooner or later. But she's lucky she's had enough time with her students for them to love her enough to fight for her. Still, this is a topic for another episode, and so I won't expand on it in this post.

Well, that's it. That was 1x4 and 5. Those were pretty much my favourite episodes when season 1 was airing. And I can definitely see why, even if my views on some things have changed due to stuff that happens later. But, as I constantly say, that's what rewatches are for. In other words, 'once more, with feeling this time' as my choir director used to say.

[miraclekittyandbug]

Ten Questions With a Twist Chapter 6

I. Cannot. TELL you how sorry I am for the delay. It has been a crazy couple of days, but I’m about to post the two final chapters of Ten Questions With A Twist!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

~ Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ Chapter 4 ~ Chapter 5 ~ This Chapter ~ Chapter 7 ~

“Hey, Marinette!” Adrien called, waving frantically at the bluenette. Classes had just ended and he wanted to be sure to catch her before she left in a hurry.

Marinette turned and saw Adrien there, red in the face. “Hey Adrien. Are you okay? Did you just… run to find me?”

“Umm… How many more of those questions do you have?” Adrien deliberately didn’t answer the question, for fear of seeming like the desperate mess he had turned into. “You know, from that Black Cat guy?”

A light of comprehension shone behind her eyes, “Oh, those. Just a few. I’m really sorry if they were too invasive or anything. I can always tell him it was a bad idea.”

“No! Actually, I think it’s kind of a fun idea. I’d like to answer the rest of them for you.”

“Oh! That would be great!” She put her backpack on the ground and started digging through it to find the list, a formality at this point, as she had already memorized the questions.

“Why don’t we hang out for a bit? We could go back to your place and answer these questions. Maybe play some Mecha Strike? That good luck charm you gave me might even help me beat you.” Adrien wiggled his eyebrows and Marinette blushed, but laughed. 

“I’m not sure it’s that lucky, but it sounds like fun.” Her eyes widened, “Actually, could you give me just a little bit of time to clean up my room first? It’s in a pretty embarrassing state right now. Meet me at the bakery in twenty minutes?”

“Sounds good P- pal.” Adrien caught himself. He was about to call her Princess, but that would give him away. He had a challenge to win, after all.

It took about fifteen minutes to convince the Gorilla to cover for him, not too difficult to do considering he was supposed to take Adrien to his Chinese lessons directly after school. Adrien simply reminded the Gorilla that a conversation in Chinese with Mrs. Dupain-Cheng was a very practical application of the information he already knew so well. They agreed that he would pick him up from the Dupain-Cheng bakery in about two hours.

Adrien made his way, slowly, to the bakery. 

The bakery, being right across the street from the school, and having such delicious treats, was very busy. Adrien waited dutifully in line and when he got to the counter, Sabine greeted him warmly. He responded in Chinese, explaining that the only way he had talked his bodyguard into letting him come was to promise to practice his Chinese. Sabine smiled and ushered him to the back. She pointed him to the staircase and told him, in Chinese, to follow it until he reached Marinette’s room, and that there would be snacks up there for the both of them. 

Now, at this point, Adrien knew for a fact he was in love with this girl. But if there had been even a sliver of doubt in his mind, it all evaporated when he lifted the hatch to Marinette’s room. 

She must have done a wonderful job cleaning, because apart from some half-finished sewing on a desk and a few balls of yarn on her bed, Marinette’s room was spotless. But that wasn’t what caught his eye. Leaning over her computer, attempting to plug in the game console, Marinette was humming contentedly with a cookie in her mouth. The picture of it all was so endearing, Adrien hated to alert her to his presence. However, he thought it might be creepy if she were to turn around and find him staring, so he cleared his throat.

Marinette made a noise that could only be described as a squeak, and bit down on the cookie, causing a portion of it to fall to the floor. “Adrien! I didn’t see you there! Come on in, I’ve got snacks!”

He climbed the final steps into her room and reached for a cookie, “Don’t mind if I do.”

Once Marinette had plugged in the console correctly and booted up the game, they chose their players and began. It didn’t take long for Marinette to secure a lead, so Adrien thought a distraction was in order.

“So what about those questions?”

Marinette was silent for a moment before speaking, “I know you’re just trying to distract me. But to prove a point, I will ask these questions AND win this round at the same time. Just watch.”

“Jeez, B- Marinette, that’s pretty harsh,” he said, playfully. He was learning that it would be very difficult to refrain from calling her by her nicknames. “Won’t you go easy on me? Please?” Adrien made puppy dog eyes at the screen, leaning forward so that she would hopefully catch a glimpse of his pouty lips and fast blinking eyes. Not two minutes later, he flung himself back into his seat, having been defeated. 

Marinette placed her controller onto the desk in front of them, flashing him a sympathetic look. “And I wasn’t even distracted with those questions.”

“Alright,” Adrien relented, “What are they?”

“Okay, well, the question that seemed to make you sick might not be a good one to start off with…”

Adrien remembered his odd behavior earlier, and how stupid he had been to not see it sooner. “No, really, I’m fine. Shoot!”

“Okay, what’s your dream job?”

Adrien pretended to think, as if this question were a surprise to him, “I’d like to be a stay at home dad one day.”

“That’s so sweet! I’d like to be a designer one day. Have my own fashion line, company, that kind of thing. What’s your favorite movie?”

“The Princess Bride.”

“Isn’t that a bit of a chick flick?”

“There’s sword fighting and pirates and impossible odds! And anyway, what’s wrong with chick flicks?”

Marinette quickly defended herself, “There’s nothing wrong with chick flicks, I guess I pegged you as more of a studio Ghibli guy.”

Goodness, it had been a year or two since his last binge of those movies, “Oh, studio Ghibli is amazing! But still, there’s nothing like Wesley rolling down a hill screaming ‘As you wish’ only for Buttercup to fling herself down with him.”

Marinette started giggling, “I totally forgot about that part! Oh, I’ll have to rewatch that movie sometime soon. Favorite dessert?”

“Easy, the macarons from your parents bakery.”

“Really?” Marinette responded, “I’m flattered! What flavor?”

“That passionfruit one is my all time favorite, but that’s only seasonal. I really like any of the fruit ones.”

“Good to know! The other questions are pretty basic. What’s your name?”

Adrien put on a face and spoke in an accent, “My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.”

Marinette laughed and Adrien decided it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.

“What school do you go to?”

“Hogwarts.”

She rolled her eyes, “No, seriously.”

Adrien looked at her, eyes calculating, “Is there a reason you want this guy to know all the answers?”

“No!” she crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair, “We just have to give the guy a chance. And anything he doesn’t guess correctly, I don’t have to tell him. So it’s not like I’m giving him all your information or anything.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Adrien said, leaning forward. Marinette blushed as if she knew exactly what he meant, but he continued anyway. “You like this guy, don’t you? You want him to guess correctly so you can go on a date with him!”

“What?!” Marinette acted repulsed by this, but her blush only deepened, “No way! He’s just a friend!”

“But you want to give him a chance.”

She seemed to hold her breath, making her face even redder, but then released and deflated, placing her head in her hands with her elbows on her knees. “I don’t know. Honestly, I probably like this guy a lot, I’ve just been so caught up on… this other guy for so long. It’s so confusing.”

“Have you thought about meeting him? You know, in person?”

Marinette lifted her head and looked at the ceiling instead, “Yeah. I have. I mean, this black cat guy is my best friend. We tell each other everything. He’s the only one who knows about this big part of my life and I rely on him for so much. He’s so sweet and really understanding about me wanting to keep our real names out of it.”

Adrien winced, but Marinette didn’t notice. He felt awful. She had always been so adamant that they not know each other’s identities. But he just happened upon it! One coincidence led to another, led to some questions, led to a point where he couldn’t turn back. “So you don’t want him to know who you are?”

“Well I wouldn’t say that.” Her hand went to the back of her neck and she rubbed it anxiously. “If we somehow found out, I’d honestly be thrilled. I even went so far as to ask Master F- forum.” Marinette blanched, looking Adrien directly in the eye, “Our forum master. The guy that runs the forum that we chat on. I went so far as to ask him about meeting in real life and he just smiled. He said ‘The wheels of life are in motion, but you cannot determine the speed’. I have no idea what that means, but he’s notoriously cryptic.” Adrien was going to say something, but Marinette was on a rant, so he sat back and listened. “And it’s like, he’s wanted to know for a really long time. Ever since the beginning. But I was so cautious, I said no. I thought it would be dangerous for us and our families.” 

“And you need to be careful, with strangers on the internet.”

“Exactly! Strangers on the internet. But then, almost immediately, I trusted him. Right away, we were inseparable. And now that I want to know, I don’t know what to do.”

Adrien couldn’t help the smile that plastered itself on his face. “Well, Marinette, I’m sure things will work out. And you never know! Maybe he’s a really good guesser.”

“Maybe.” She said, obviously glad to have gotten some things off her chest. “In the meantime, let’s sneak down and grab you a couple of macarons.”

~ Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ Chapter 4 ~ Chapter 5 ~ This Chapter ~ Chapter 7 ~

Next chapter should be up by the time you read this far!

[shimmershae]

Just watched the episode and I’m going to have a lot of thoughts for you, most of them probably bordering on incoherence (LOL) so this is your last chance to nope on out of this post because I’m going to go ahead and put everything else behind a cut to save the eyes that do not want to see any  spoilers at all.  Unlike mine, that very much wanted to see but in a lot of cases?  Could not see shit, but I digress.

Shae’s stream of consciousness coming at you in 3-2-1.  

First of all, can I saw how good it is to have my show back again?  Like, no.  I don’t quite have Season 5 levels of excitement about the new/last season, but it is definitely nice to have all these characters back.  

So all these thoughts of mine.  Okay.  Bear with me because there be a whole lot of them, lol.  

My immediate impression as the episode opened was WHOA.  Such a cool shot of Daryl with one light wing, one dark wing (representing the two sides to Daryl maybe--the man of honor versus the man he was raised to be, hmm?) looking out over some dark vista of something.  Seriously.  It’s dark.  My room is also dark at the moment and still I was squinting to see.  To make out what I’m “looking” at.  I really, really hope the rest of this season isn’t this hard to make out.  

Is that a tank?  Kinda sorta a callback to Rick’s first episode?  If so, cool.  If not, well.  Us fans have always put way more thought into things.  For real.  Change my mind.  

Holy intense eye contact, Batman!  Daryl Dixon has literally never looked at anyone--not BethusConLeah--in quite the same smoldering way as he looks at Carol.  It’s next level.  I don’t know why people be fooling themselves into thinking different.  

Let’s see.  I can make out--besides Daryl, Maggie, and that face mask dude I already forgot the name of--Kelly, Magna, Jerry (who’s that with him?), and Carol.  Sorry.  My world, like Daryl’s, inevitably narrows to Carol.  She’s loking fierce and fine AF per usual.  

Was that Rosita I noticed rewinding to relive Daryl eye-fucking Carol?  

I’m guessing this is the army base they talked about in 10C.  

That Walker perking up like “I smell food--pancakes and bacon and oohhhh” has me giggling inappropriately right off the bat.  WTF.  

Look at all my fabulous ladies tiptoeing through that Walker minefield.  And Carol spotting that gun that might be useful right away.  Listen, if you don’t think her mind ain’t always ten steps ahead of everybody else’s, you’d be wrong.  

So.  Are these Walkers just so old and feeble not even the call of fresh meat attracts them?  Because just tiptoeing through their midst without the knockoff Lady Gaga meatsuits or skin masks has never really worked before that I can remember.  

I just want to see most of this season.  Is that really too much to ask?  Don’t X-Files and Game of Thrones us, Angela.  Please and thank you very fucking much.  

Okay.  Is the one drop of blood thing making anybody else have 28 Days Later vibes?  Kinda?  Sorta?  No?  Just me?  Okay then.  Carry on.  

Wait a minute, though.  How they be explaining how Daryl keeeps acquiring all these new tats all the time?  Hmm?  It’s like they just quit giving a shit about continuity in these latter seasons.  

I mean.  Do Walkers sleep now?  LMAO.  What is this?  I guess they’re constantly evolving?  

There’s my baby Lydia.  Love my smol bean.  

Alright though.  I love to see the ladies of TWD kick some ass.  It’s very gratifying.  Gimps would never.  Thank you, Angela.  

Clever, resourceful, calm and collected, quick thinking Carol to the rescue!  Seriously.  Her haters must be withering away inside with absolute envy.  

Hey, ya’ll.  Remember when Carol was still mastering her sharpshooting skills at the Prison yard and shot at Rick’s feet?  Her little “sorry, sorry”?  LOL.  If Rick could only see her now.  Wait.  He already knew what so many of his stans refuse to acknowledge--Carol=ultimate survivor and true savior to the group many times over.  

Maggie’s got herself a gun, too.  Go my badass girls.  

Of course, Carol’s got everybody’s back.  Of fucking course, Daryl’s got hers even when everybody else seem frozen in some kind of awe or stupification or something.  Microcosm of the whole damn show right there.  

Carol’s like “here’s your knives, love of my life.”   

Eh.  Maybe that’s just me.  

Nah.  She’s totally thinking it, too.  

YAS!  YAS!  Norman Reedus and Melissa McBride with the top billing.  How very far my babies have come.  

Listen.  I miss all the characters we’ve lost.  Absolutely.  But I love the ones that are still with us, that have been with us for so very long so hard.  Whether I love their stories or decisions or not.  

Is that THE Alexandria sign?  That sign’s been through some shit.  

DOG!  Daryl kneeling to embrace our Grimes babies has me all up in my feels.  And how cute is Dog getting all excited and making sure he’s the first one there to welcome back, Daddy?  

Hershel is literally just as puppy dog cute as Glenn ever was.  Really some Grade A casting.  

What did Maggie call Mr. T?  Ducky?  Dougie?  Sometimes with Maggie?  I really cannot tell.  Anyway.  He’s Mr. T. for me until I find out differently, probably through rewatching with close captioning, lol.  

Maggie’s got more people.  So.  Some new redshirts to sacrifice for plot purposes.  I don’t know if I should bother learning their names or not. 

I seem to remember Meridian being mentioned in one of the episode synopses.  

Sophia’s hair tie around Carol’s neck will never fail to be an emotional throat punch.  My heart.  

“They come at night and by the time you see them, you’re already dead.”  Welp.  Guess that means we ain’t seeing shit for at least this first third of the season, lol.  Very horror-eque though.  

“You’re leaving to fight ghosts.”  Aaron, to Maggie.  So I see Aaron’s the type to get the hell outta Dodge when the Boogeyman comes calling, hahaha.  Least he was.  In the old world.  

Rosita’s pissed off expression at Gabe’s decision to volunteer for the so-called suicide mission gives me life.  

My baby Carol is tired AF of suicide missions.  You can tell.  Also?  Methinks she has something to prove to Daryl here.  Or at least feels like she does.  

Dog with his little tactical vest.  I love it.  

I guess I get why they had Carol and Rosita stay behind.  They had to more evenly split up the badassery to make things more fair and balanced, lol.  

Okay.  So Negan’s definitely earned everybody’s disdain.  But they’re being woefully short-sighted by not at least hearing the dude out.  Isn’t he at least native to the area?  

“That is God telling us to turn around.”  I’m actually on Negan’s side with this one, but Gabe answering him with “I’m pretty sure he would have run that past me first” has me howling with laughter.  Father Gabe has gone straight up savage in these last couple of seasons.  Rosita’s influence, perhaps?  

I see what Angela is doing.  Trying to make Negan the voice of reason.  In this particular case?  It’s kind of working.  I’m still ultimately on Maggie’s side with this though BECAUSE GLENN.  

Imagine showing up to work and unironically dressing like a storm trooper every day.  Excuse me while I LOL.  

Even in the ZA, there’s bullshit paperwork.  

“Pumpkin colored spacesuit.”  Good one, Ezekiel.  

LOL forever.  I love Princess.  

“Michonne.  Our Michonne shut people out of Alexandria for years.”  Timely reminder that choices aren’t always perfect.  Neither are people.  

WTF is reprocessing?  Sounds ominous.  LMAO at Eugene’s “Okay.  We gotta go.”  

What in the actual hell with all those bagged, squirming undead?  Creepy AF in that subway tunnel.  

Should I just go ahead and call that the Easter bunny?  We’ve had some version of it pop up since Season 1.  

Is it stubborn pride with Maggie or what?  Why go through with something when all signs point toward the wisdom of stopping?  You can argue that she’s acting similarly to Carol last season, but there’s a huge difference here folks.  Carol did her damndest to Lone Wolf that shit and minimize the danger to those she loved.  Maggie’s straight up enlisting those she “cares about” to carry out her mission of revenge or vengeance, what have you. Let’s see if she gets near the amount of hate for it.  Personally, I don’t blame her for her feelings one bit.  They are valid.  But her knowingly drawing the others into the game?  That’s my sticking point.  That’s how she and Carol differ, even if some people refuse to see or accept it.  Anyway.  Hopping right on off my soapbox.  

“Why don’t you get up on your little tippy toes and try?”  Omigosh, I’d dying.  When I tell you I about passed out with laughter, I do not exaggerate.  I should hate Negan forever and I do.  Really.  But I adore JDM and he frequently makes me LOL.  He’s made Negan entertaining if not completely redeemable since Angela took over and more layered so I say kudos.  

He has a point about Maggie playing dictator.  Damn you, show, for slanting the writing just that smidgen that makes Negan make sense over his victim.  I guess, though, it’s better this way.  Gives both characters more shades of gray.  

“He’s a dick but he makes sense.”  I feel like this is Angela calling us all out when we dare to harbor any lasting resentment toward Negan for what he did to Glenn.  

Speaking of--Negan.  You deserved Daryl’s punch to the mouth.  You just went a bridge too damn far.  

“Keep pushing me, Negan.  Please.”  Warning shots fired, Asshole.  You better watch yourself around the Widow Rhee.  

Have I mentioned how much I love Princess?  Her shipping the Commonwealth guards is killing me, lol.  I can’t wait ‘til she meets Carol and Daryl.  She’s going to have their number in two seconds flat.  

I like Ezekiel and Princess as a duo.  I’m not saying romantically necessarily.  I just like them in scenes together because they’re fun.  There’s sort of a protective indulgence Ezekiel seems to telegraph whenever they’re in scenes together.  Like he’s like don’t hurt this one.  I don’t know.  For all these words I’ve written, I can’t quite find the ones to adequately describe what I mean.  

The wall of the lost gives me such Battlestar Galactica feels.  What sad thoughts it inspires.  

Eugene in that Commonwealth gear.  Omigosh, lol.  So did they just sneak up and take Princess’s little Commonwealth ship’s gear when they were sneaking off on their own to have a quickie?  

Princess finding that note for Yumiko on the wall actually gave me chills.  Yeah.  I’m easy.  Just the suggestion of someone getting reunited with lost family gets me all up in my feels.  Yumiko saying “I have to stay”?  I felt that.  

Oh no.  Dog ran off!  Somebody protect my favorite fictional puppy.  Of course, Daryl goes after him.  He’s always been the sweet one.  Merle said it.  

Eh.  Negan taking Maggie’s hand at the end there would have smacked too much of Negan Sue and Maggie’s biggest plot of the season would have been prematurely dealt with so I get why they did what they did.  But c’mon.  It’s not really that big of a cliffhanger, is it?  

Okay, so Angela calls those sleeping beauty Walkers “Lurkers” and I get it.  Apparently they’re a bigger deal in the comics, but I really don’t remember seeing them all that much on the actual show.  Somebody jog my memory.  

Of fucking course, you can actually see what’s happening in the inside the episode clips.  I wish we could choose to view the episode with that lighting because some of us be blind.  And this time I mean in the more literal sense.  Not the figurative one.  

Anyway.  I’m going to stop trying to write a novel for ya’ll and move on to better things.  Like maybe a nap.  Maybe some early dinner.  I don’t know.  I’m tired AF and need a little recharge.    

Before I go, though?  Overall impression of the episode?  I liked it.  There were parts that I loved (all the ladies being badass, every second of Carol, Daryl reuniting with the Grimes babies and Dog, all things Princess, some of Negan’s one-liners about had me busting a gut, Rosita serving looks, Kelly and Lydia getting to be badass too) and parts I didn’t love (not being able to see a damn thing, Angela trying to tip the scales in Negan’s favor, not enough Carol or Aaron or Rosita, no reunion between Aunt Carol and the Grimes babies even though that picture floating around suggests it was at least shot, not being able to see a damn thing, all the Alexandria people playing follow the leader for Maggie when she’s been gone 6 years and Daryl’s right there--hell, even Father G deserves the honor over her because it’s obvious they’re not exactly on the same wavelength anymore).  

I don’t know about anybody else, but I’m just glad to have our show back.    

Later, lovelies.  

[hopevalley]

Season 8, Episode 10: Old Love, New Love, Is This True Love

All right, so...like I said, work has picked up and my eyes feel like old marbles from staring at numbers (the woes of working in accounting I guess) so I want to get this written up and tossed into the nether before I lose steam and motivation to do it. The interesting thing about these little write-ups is that as the week goes on they just get harder and harder to write...

I do apologize in advance to those who like the long-winded write-ups. I’m just not up to it at the moment. Still feeling kind of bleh from the episode.

Let’s go back to an old format, shall we?

The Good

We might as well start out with the things about this episode that I enjoyed! 

Gossip Hour with the Men was one of the best openers they’ve had on the show in a while. It was genuinely funny without being meanspirited. Nobody looked like the bad guy. Everyone just calmly talked about it alike it was a normal thing to maybe call off the wedding. Bill calling out Carson for giving marriage advice was pretty funny, Mike was a delight. I don’t know what to say. I’d watch a whole episode of The Boys just hanging around spending time together.

--

Florence’s worry that she’s ugly was...not a terrible idea for a storyline, but the actress is too good-looking to pretend to be ugly (I saw her in this pretty yellow dress on Instagram a couple years ago and she was smashing)? Also, it’s not like Ned is a handsomely aged gentleman (like Henry lol) so it makes even less sense for the characters. I think they should have gone with Florence feeling she’s “plain” and that dressing up Super Nice makes her feel uncomfortable because she just doesn’t feel like Herself and worries maybe it’s projecting a false sense of Who She Is or something? I guess overall I still liked that an attempt was made to add some depth to Florence and her difficulties in choosing a dress/hairstyle, so...it goes here.

--

Ned asking Henry to be his best man was nice, too. I can forgive the shoddy pacing and weird placement of this request (like I do with almost everything in the show) but only because the scene was just...so incredibly wholesome. 

I like how Henry just casually is like, “Well maybe today’s just not the day.” I think it eased Ned’s mind just a little that he CAN back out if he really wants to.

I think it’s worth thinking about the fact that Ned and Henry would have always worked very closely, since the mercantile would have been a company store before the mine closed down... I like Henry and Ned as pals.

--

I’m glad the “investment” thing with Jesse and Clara’s savings was brought up in a way that...makes sense. And also, glad it wasn’t forgotten.

--

I really liked Molly and Florence in this episode. I’m a little sad Florence married Ned because I AM SORRY BUT I WANTED TO KEEP SHIPPING MOLLY AND FLORENCE TOGETHER UGHGHGHH

But their relationship is so good and maYBE Elizabeth will learn something from them.

Hey Elizabeth...you see that?

YOU SEE THAT?

Just saying.

And then later...

“You are the sister I never had, the mother I forever wanted, the friend I have always needed. From the depths of those dark and terrifying coal mines you’ve walked beside me, picking me up whenever I’ve stumbled along the way.”

AAAAAAAAA IT GOT ME.

--

I’m...really liking Fiona and Mike’s relationship, whatever it is. I kind of think they’re not headed toward anything romantic. Everyone thinks Mike is really into Fiona but at the end of the episode we realize he likes talking to her about business; it’s almost like they have this shared passion for numbers/ideas and he likes infodumping to her (and vice-versa).

I think they’re going to end up being “just friends” and Fiona will end up paired off with the man Elizabeth doesn’t choose. They hinted at Nathan briefly in this episode (with Allie’s hair), but who knows? I’m over trying to speculate on where the triangle is going at this point, but I actually like Fiona’s relationship with Mike so much that I’ll be disappointed if she fades into the background with Nathan or Lucas. Mike deserves more screentime. 

--

Ned and Florence sharing their fIRST KISS. My husband got emotional over this. And I admit, it was starting to get to me, too. I can’t NOT root for them. 

--

I said it before and I’ll say it again: I WOULD DIE FOR THE CANFIELDS.

--

The wedding was nice. I liked that Bill and Joseph officiated it together; it gives Joseph a li’l trial run of pastoring and finally Bill gets to use some of that power of his to officiate a wedding.

“Please, if you’d like” is such a Bill way to say that they may kiss LOL.

--

Also, I have to admit that I did enjoy Lucas calling Nathan out about Allie. She wouldn’t be caught in the middle if he’d leave Elizabeth alone AND HE IS RIGHT LMAO.

The last good thing: Elizabeth telling Nathan she doesn’t blame him for Jack’s death. Nice. Good. Thank you. He probably needed to hear that.

--

...THE BAD

Carson and Faith. UGH. UGHHHHHHHHHH. BREAK UP ALREADY I HATE YOU BOTH.

I appreciated that Carson had the ring ages ago, and I did like his conversation with Minnie—or more accurately, her advice to him. I felt like she was nudging him toward, “Remember why you became a surgeon in the first place.” If he became a surgeon to help people, then there’s no reason he can’t help people where he is. Sure, he might not be doing state of the art procedures but with Faith working alongside him, he can afford time to learn new things and go to doctor conventions or even take a specialized class now and then. No other doctor could get away for very long but he has that chance!

And he’ll arguably be doing more good in the middle of nowhere than in the city. All the doctors want to live in the city. Nobody wants to barely get paid for their time in the countryside.

We had a whole episode that made it clear that Faith and Carson don’t make a lot of money and do a lot of charity work. They also work for trade goods (mostly food). So it’s like...a pretty big difference in lifestyle? 

Half the reason I can’t get invested in these characters is because I really can’t stand Paul Greene. He just...annoys me on every single level imaginable. But he’s a decent actor and I can’t help but feel that his character was a massive waste of space for the past few seasons through no fault of the man himself. Imagine introducing a character like Carson and then leaving him to rot before you try to make him interesting with a romance plot that nobody asked for.

Yes, some people really like Faith and Carson, but as a whole I think the fandom didn’t buy into them as a ship due to the lack of chemistry.

It really is a shame. This episode didn’t do a thing to endear me to either character. Please, Carson. I am begging you to leave town.

--

This one particular line of dialogue almost enraged me.

WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW WE CAN SEE THAT FOR OURSELVES. WHY DID THEY HAVE ROSEMARY SAY THIS LIKE IT’S AN EPISODE OF A CHILD’S TV SHOW?

--

Elizabeth.........

How could Katie have...looked up to her? She was never in her class? That was? Never part of anything? It was just something they threw in here to force Elizabeth to make 1% more sense in the role she’s in but IT STILL DOESN’T WORK.

I felt like I was back in Season 5 again with Lori and Elizabeth putting their nose in everyone’s business except it’s just Elizabeth!! The whole plot, which was boring and contrived anyway, should have gone to Molly, since she’s Florence’s best friend and another woman from town that Katie would have known as a child.

AND ALSO, MOLLY WOULD HAVE KNOWN KATIE’S MOTHER AND WOULD REMEMBER THE GRIEF THAT NED STRUGGLED WITH.

I know they wanted to make Elizabeth give advice so that she’d Realize that she needs to, I don’t know, make better choices or something, but it was too on the nose for me and I hated it.

GinithePooh on Reddit made a good comparison to Elizabeth in this episode by saying she reminded them of Clippy from Microsoft Word, always popping up and offering to help when nobody really needs or wants advice.

To honor their incredible idea, I opened Photoshop and created this gem, which I will also be posting separately so that people can reblog it if they wish to.

I also don’t think I need to say also filed under The Bad is the fact that Elizabeth didn’t even apologize for being awful to Rosemary and then gave her unsolicited advice to other people for two days straight. I can’t believe they wrote that? 

All I can say is that her apology to Rosemary, when it comes, better be good.

--

And I didn’t like this either:

I wish it had been followed up by literally anything: Nathan saying he’s sorry he didn’t tell her sooner or something to make the hand-holding actually be a little more innocent.

As it is, it just seems so deliberate? 

Maybe the next episode starts off right in this scene and we’ll get that? If so, this might actually end up being fine. I just don’t think it is if it doesn’t get a little more direct attention.

--

& THE UGLY

I debated on putting anything in here, because I’m not ready to talk about my feelings on this matter, at least not fully. But I’ve been pretty quiet all season so far, and...eh, why not just mention things in advance? What will it hurt?

Let me preface this section by saying I’m biased and I doubt hardly anyone on this site will agree with me, so feel free to just ignore this part if that’s the case.

There are two things that I really didn’t like in this episode.

I hate the slanting toward Bill/Molly.

I like Molly just fine but I don’t like her with Bill. I’m biased as all getout and also worried about the future/potential Season 9 with regards to this. I don’t want to see it. Like at all. Why, you ask? You should know why if you follow me. I’m super transparent.

It’s because I like AJ AND I WANT HER BACK LOL.

John Tinker rewatched the series so we know he wouldn’t have missed that hanging plot thread—especially since he didn’t forget any of the other things that were brought up this season! So why didn’t she appear this season? The love triangle absolutely needed to be a focus or it would have never ended, so that’s part of it, but I’m also pretty sure Josie Bissett wasn’t interested in doing any filming last year during Covid. My only “proof” is that Wedding March 6 wasn’t filmed last year even though it was scheduled to be filmed, but it makes sense. Last year was chaos.

THAT SAID, Jack Wagner posted on his Instagram the other day that they are actually filming Wedding March 6 now, so... I guess AJ’s re-appearance in Season 9 wouldn’t come as too much of a surprise if they wanted to write it.

You’d think I’d be hyped about that, and I kind of am? But it doesn’t come without its share of worries, too. We just had the worst love triangle in the history of love triangles and I really don’t want another one, especially if it makes any of the characters in question look stupid or mean.

I fully admit a well-written love triangle could be a LOT of fun for them* (low stakes because they’re not front and center characters), but I saw how Nathan was written so far this season and I really, REALLY do not want to see that happen to Molly, Bill, or AJ.

Anyway, not a fan of the Molly/Bill stuff. No chemistry. I don’t want it.

*I would totally write a fanfic like this lmao.

--

And finally...the part that everyone will hate me for:

I DO NOT WANT TO SEE ABIGAIL COME BACK. And I specifically do not want her to come back ‘cause I do not wanna see Henry/Abigail happen.

I fully recognize that a lot of you like it and ship the heck out of it, and that’s...good. I’m glad you enjoy it. I loathe it, though, and I worry that all these hints (more like...mentions) are leaning toward...something. Like, either they’re:

1) Sending Abigail off/tying up that loose end with Henry (since nothing was ever clarified either way), or

2) Warming up the audience to receive Abigail back on the show.

I’m pretty into the idea of one-sided Henry/Abigail. Hindsight is 20/20, regrets, that’s all some juicy stuff to give a character like Henry. Some things can’t ever be made right again. He had too direct of a connection to the death of her husband and son for me to ever want to see them together. Forgiveness? Yes. A careful but meaningful friendship? Yes. Romantic relationship? Uh...no thanks.

I liked the Abigail mentions at first because I felt like...the character still mattered (as she should) but I’m at a point where I feel like they’re trying really hard to steer the fandom’s view a certain way and not knowing where it’s going is extremely unsettling to me.

--

I’ll probably talk more about the things that bother me when the season ends, because I’m hoping to have a better idea of where things are going to be headed, but for now just...know that I feel very apprehensive.

And keep in mind that I primarily watch this show for Bill these days, since all my previous faves (AJ, Frank, the old Abigail, Dottie) have exited, stage left. I also always really liked seeing Henry. So as you can imagine, seeing plotlines I hate for the only two characters I’m invested in? Is making me consider dropping the series next year.

My husband told me I should hate-watch it, but I don’t know if my heart can take it. I’ve been following this series for so long...it just...kind of hurts to feel let down like this? 

But sometimes an ongoing series ends up going where you...didn’t want it to, and it becomes something that’s no longer right for you. I hope that doesn’t happen, but last night’s episode makes me feel like...it might be happening for real this time.

I guess if that holds true it’ll be back to fanfiction for me. Will that novelization I planned ages ago end up getting written? Will I write the best love triangle fanfic known to man? WHO KNOWS.

For now, we’ll all have to wait and see! Two more episodes left. I’m really curious to see how they resolve some of the open plots right now. :>

[samclownchester]

Supernatural Rewatch 04x14

Sex and Violence

(Next Episode | Masterlist | Previous Episode)

Ah yes, the Siren episode where Dean has a male Siren :0 surely this is proof that he is attracted to men!?!!?

*deep sigh*

Listen, I think Dean is bisexual, I really do, however I hate when people point to this episode as proof of that because it is clearly doing something very different, and subversive in its own way. If you see him as being sexually attracted to Nick then … I mean, I guess. Whatever. Everyone has their own interpretations. But Sirens are not necessarily sexual beings, that’s what they’ve been painted as by a lot of media, but they are just supposed to lure you in with your greatest desire. What this episode tells us is that, as much as Dean likes sex, it’s not his greatest desire. Or, on another level, romantic love is not as important to him as platonic love is.

The idea this episode plays with is that the most important person in the world to you doesn’t need to be a romantic/sexual partner, which I think is GROUNDBREAKING.

It establishes early on in the episode that the siren doesn’t differentiate between different kinds of devotion. The one guy’s mom wasn’t a romantic threat to the Siren, but she was the most important person in that guy’s life, and so she became the Siren’s target.

“But Ray,” you say “the siren didn’t try to give that guy a new mother figure. It was still establishing a romantic/sexual connection with him! So why would it try to imitate the brotherly bond with Sam instead of just drawing Dean in with sex/romance?”

And the answer is: because Dean wouldn’t have responded to that. The guy who killed his mom surely loved his mom, but he probably still had a desire for romantic connection, hoping to get married and have his own family someday or something like that. I don’t think Dean has that. Sure, he wanted Cassie to understand him, and he has dreams of settling down with Lisa and Ben (and I’m not saying he has no romantic attraction to those women but you can also attribute that to amatonormativity) but at the end of the day what matters to Dean is connections that parallel his relationships with his father and his brother.

SAM You poisoned him.

MUNROE No. I gave him what he needed. And it wasn't some bitch in a G-string. It was you. A little brother that looked up to him, that he could trust. And now he loves me. He'd do anything for me. And I gotta tell you, Sam, that kind of devotion? I mean, watching someone kill for you? It's the best feeling in the world.

The Siren makes it clear that what it wants from its victims is not romance or sex, it’s devotion. It wants people to kill for it. That’s what it considers “love.” It saw that Dean was more likely to kill out of a brotherly devotion rather than a romantic connection, so that was the angle it went for with him. Dean would never prioritize a romantic relationship over his brother, he just wouldn’t.

And the thing about Nick is that … he’s not a carbon copy of Sam, instead he is everything Sam has never been, accentuating the things Dean wants that Sam lacks. He bonds with Dean over cars and music, two things that Sam has never really had an interest in, and, crucially, he doesn’t push for Dean to explain himself; he easily trusts his plan, and we know Sam has always pushed to understand the why behind everything they do.

DEAN It's kinda hard to explain, but I have my reasons and they're good ones, so you're just gunna have to trust me on 'em.

MUNROE Yeah. OK. I guess.

DEAN Thank you. That's actually nice to hear.

And, especially because Dean has already been feeling distrustful toward Sam, he falls for it.

This reminds me of in 3x01 when Dean is cornered by Lust, one of the seven deadly sins, and she isn’t able to have any affect on him. Like, we all know that Dean likes sex, but when it comes down to it, when he faces monsters who literally prey on people based on their sexual desires ... it doesn’t work on him. Lust got her head dunked in holy water and the Siren had to find a work around. 

The Sam/Cara subplot is obviously supposed to be a red herring, to make us think we know who the Siren is, but is also tells us a couple of interesting things about Sam and how his attitude toward relationships has changed.

First of all, we know he’s back in contact with Ruby, but we can also assume that after 4x04 they had some sort of break-up and we don’t know what their dynamic is currently like. There is also the possibility that they’re not/never were exclusive but given how monogamous Sam is I find that hard to believe. But who knows? That being said, he doesn’t seem to have any qualms about having a one-night stand with Cara.

DEAN You gonna say goodbye to Cara?

SAM Nah, not interested.

DEAN Really? Why not?

SAM What's the point?

DEAN Well, look at you. Love 'em and leave 'em.

Remember in season 3 when Sam said that he was going to become more like Dean? Remember last episode when Sam said he needed to “grow up”?

So, what I think is going on here is that Sam thinks he’s setting aside his kinda “childish” desire for relationships to last. Obviously, this isn’t actually a childish thing to want, but our society kinda paints one-night stands as like … I don’t know a masculine and mature thing to do? And Sam feels like he needs to become this … tough, masculine, unsentimental person. (You know, go against that gentle nature of his).  (also the demon blood is affecting him.) Additionally, this ties in to the idea that building connections isn’t worth it in their life. It’s something he pushed back against in Season 1, but Sam has started to learn that making any kind of relationship last is basically impossible in their lives, and he has stopped trying.

Now, the only reason the Siren had any luck turning the brothers on each other was that there were already issues arising between them.

Dean’s issues with Sam

Dean covertly finds out that Sam has been calling Ruby and lying to him about it. He pretends to have not heard Sam’s phone call and gives him an opportunity to just tell him who he was calling, but instead Sam lies, and Dean hates being lied to.

DEAN Well, I don't know when it happened. Maybe when I was in hell. Maybe when I was staring right at you. But the Sam I knew, he's gone. … And it's not the demon blood or the psychic crap. It's the little stuff. The lies. The secrets.

As a type 8, betrayal is a very difficult thing for him, and he responds pretty extremely. But it’s not just the betrayal, he also feels like his little brother has fundamentally changed. And he’s … not wrong? Sam is changing, he is a very different person than the faithful, sentimental, nerd that we met in season 1. Dean is scared of those changes.

Sam’s Issues with Dean

Sam has always hated being controlled. He didn’t like being ordered around by John and now he has Dean breathing down his neck and disapproving of everything he does.

SAM So I need your say-so to make a phone call?

I do understand why Dean is angry that Sam is hiding from him that he is talking to Ruby, but also Dean has a tendency to hate the idea of Sam having a life outside of the two of them and that’s not cool. I’ll probably talk more about this later. 

SAM OK, fine. You know why I didn't tell you about Ruby, and how we're hunting down Lilith? Because you're too weak to go after her, Dean. You're holding me back. I'm a better hunter than you are. Stronger, smarter. I can take out demons you're too scared to go near. … You're too busy sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Whining about all the souls you tortured in hell. Boo hoo. … You're not standing in my way anymore.

Hey, remember in Season 3 when Dean said “you’re stronger than I am” to Sam? Remember how I said that was gonna come back later?

Obviously later in the episode Sam claims this was just the Siren talking but ... we all know this was coming from somewhere. But it’s something Sam, in his normal state, would never say. (Like, taking that dig at Dean for his guilt about Hell?? Man, that’s cold.) But on some level it’s things Sam really believes. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was something Ruby had told him though … But anyway, this episode shows us that, somewhere inside Sam considers Dean a burden, and feels like he’d be more successful without him. This obviously doesn’t outweigh the love that Sam has for Dean, but especially at this point in his journey, when he’s all messed up by Ruby and Demon Blood, they’re thoughts he’s been entertaining.

W*nc*st shippers DO NOT interact

[morganas-pendragons]

Best Carol/Melissa Episodes

So I got bored in Quarantine and I was so moved by Look At The Flowers that I decided to make this list of the best episodes that either feature Carol/Melissa as a lead or she plays a large part in them. I haven’t seen S1-2 since like... 2014 as they’re my least favorite (i know i’m sorry but i did include honorable mentions) but I’m so freaking proud that I couldn’t not make this list. Here we go! Feel free to add to them! ** means they’re my favorite performances of Melissa! I do mention some scenes that are also with Norman/Daryl as he is a LARGE part of who Carol is. If you think it’s ‘’shippy’’ which it might be, don't read it. I worked on this for almost two hours. 

season 1

- for real, what woman keeps a grenade on hand? That was it. That was where I started paying attention to her. 

- also, the scene where she digs the pickaxe into Ed’s head? I think Daryl and I both fell for her then. 

season 2 

- the honorable mention!! the barn scene in which carol learns the fate of her daughter. I don’t remember most of s2, but this one I do. I think this might’ve been the first point in the show where I was like, “Hey Google, how to protect someone who isn’t real.’’

season 3

- walk with me: We get to see how Carol has changed during her time on the road after the farm and how much she’s learned. This is also, unfortunately, the last time we see her for a couple episodes until Daryl finds her in the cells below. 

- hounded: daryl finds carol. It’s sweet, it’s warm and soft and there’s alot of reunions and alot of mourning over T-Dog and Lori. 

season 4

- Carol has become a leader in her own right for this season. She teaches the kids how to defend themselves during the ruse of a story time and takes on Lizzie and Mika as her own after Ryan is bit. 

- indifference: After killing Karen and David to stop the spread out a virus, Rick takes it into his own hands to banish Carol. This one hurts too because it’s quite obvious why she did it. She did it to protect herself and the people she loves, but sometimes that’s just not enough. 

- the grove: emmy emmy emmy emmy material. Holy crap, I CANNOT stress this enough! This is the make or break episode for Carol as a character. There’s beauty and devastation and anguish all wrapped up into 45 minutes. This should’ve made Melissa well known. This should’ve won her multiple awards, and it didn’t. But we know. We know. 

season 5 

- sanctuary: this one goes down in history for multiple reasons, and most of us know them. 1.) Caryl reunions galore. Even if you don’t ship it, that moment is so, so sweet. 2.) If it weren’t for Carol, your fave would be dead. That’s literally it. 

- consumed: OOF. Really. 

- The back half of season 5 after the arrival at Alexandria is hilarious to me. Because these people are so sheltered from the darkness and the cruelty of the outside world that Carol takes on their own persona to blend in with them, to know the naivety of these people and to hide easily among them to get what she needs. This is also how she befriends Sam, who probably reminds her of Sophia which is why she’s so cruel to him. 

season 6 

- jss**: ‘’Miss Peletier, you are an honest to goodness hero.” No. Freaking. Way.  I remember watching this episode and rocking back and forth on my heels in anticipation because up until this point, I think this might’ve been one of the bloodiest moments in the show - and right in the center of it all is Carol - who is now of the mindset that, ‘’hey, we need to kill, we don’t have a choice.’’ and she portrays the internal struggle behind all of this so, so well. The scene with Melissa holding the body on the stairs was what won me over for this episode. It’s very much a merciless 45 minutes. 

- no way out: Carol is not a lead in this episode, but Melissa is very heavily influenced between this one and the previous because of her confrontation with Morgan. I remember how angry that made me, having to watch him bodyslam her (a former domestic abuse victim) against the floor. Outside of Carol, this episode is one of my favorites in the show. 

- not tomorrow yet/the same boat**: Carol moreso plays a bigger part in the latter as opposed to the former, but these two episodes really showcase two things: Her heart to protect her family (IE: A now pregnant Maggie) and her deteriorating mental state. Outside of The Grove, I think this is one of Melissa’s most powerful performances. it’s also the only female led ep in the show  

- east**: I cried the first time I watched this. Carol vs The Saviors, #2. This episode breaks between Morgan and Rick going out to look for her (HENCE ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE QUOTES ABOUT CAROL: “That woman, she’s a force of nature.) I don’t think I really understood the power behind the eyes in the midst of television until I saw this episode. I can’t find the gif, but I’m sure most of you who’re reading this know what I’m talking about. 

- last day on earth**: again this episode shifts between perspectives as TF is trying to get Maggie to Hilltop for her pregnancy complication, but Melissa is stellar here. Carol doesn’t want to love because if she loves, she has to kill, and she attempts to manipulate one of the survivors from the massacre into doing what she can’t: taking her own life. She just wants to go, and Morgan won’t let her. This one is a bit darker, and the episode as a whole is not my favorite, but it’s definitely up there in my favorite performances for Melissa. 

season 7 

- the well: if there was ever an episode that would show you that Melissa aces comedy, it was this one. This is meant to be an introductory to The Kingdom, but the hilarity behind the way Carol talks to Ezekiel is so entertaining. It’s kind of hard to believe she ends up marrying the man (we’re not going into shipper discourse here, friends) but this one also shows you something through Carol’s eyes: The differences between people and walkers and her desire not to kill. She wants to hide, and she does. 

- new best friends: Daryl lies to Carol about what happened in the clearing with Negan. This one is so so heartfelt. It’s deeply intimate. It showcases two people who’d move heaven and earth to ensure the safety of the other, both physical and mental and emotional. Norman and Melissa aced this. I can’t say it more simply then that. 

- bury me here**: I love love love love love this episode. The entire thing is a metaphor, but I love it anyway. If I remember right, this is also the one where Morgan tells Carol about Glenn and Abraham. Remember what I said about the power behind a look? This is another instance in which Melissa shows she is the master of this. 

- carol spends alot of the time at the kingdom for the rest of the season and i cannot really remember any more memorable performances for this garbage, as they took my fave and reduced her to a side character for this and most of s8.

season 8 

- the only performance i will give any credit to in this season is 8x04, which is Some Guy. I barely remember the rest of it. Minus the moment where she finally saves a kid - Henry - instead of losing one. And a heartbreaking moment between her and Morgan that I also barely remember. Case in point, S8 was and still is garbage. 

season 9 

- 9x01-9x05 all have Carol in them because whenever Angela Kang took over the show, she had the brilliant idea to actually use her lead women as leads. Season 9 feels like an eternity ago and I can’t remember if she took over before or after AL signed off, but my point remains. Between Carol’s loyalty to Ezekiel because of Henry, (who she has now taken as her son), and their marriage, and her short stint as the leader of the Sanctuary as Negan is in confinement, there’s something in Carol here we haven’t seen in years. It’s something akin to peace, or as close as she’s gonna get to it. 9x03 and 9x04 (particularly the conversation b/t Rick and Carol) are my favorite of this cluster for her. 

- I almost dropped off after 9x05. I thought that was it, I thought that was gonna be where I ended. Nope. This woman - AK- took this show and made it what it had been and I’ll never be able to thank her enough for it. 

- Who Are You Now: I only remember this one because of the scene where Carol and Henry are in the carriage - side note: I really need to go back and rewatch this season again - but one of the things that caught my attention about the after of the bridge was how the relationships b/t parent and child are approached as significant. They’re not the future. The adults are building for the future of the kids. Michonne/Judith, Ezekiel/Henry and Carol/Henry. It’s sweet. Very sweet. 

- Stradivarius: this is a very Caryl heavy episode, but we find out something here: Even with being married to Ezekiel, Carol has still gone out to see Daryl where he resides by the same river that took Rick. Henry sees the relationship between him and his mother. It’s as obvious as the nose on your face. This one is just adorable. I love it. 

- The Calm Before**: Ow. OW OW OW OW OW. You want more pain? Here you go! Carol faces the dark truth as she crests the hill that holds her worst nightmare: Henry has died. She’s lost another kid. You wanna restrain yourself from breaking through the TV to comfort Carol for the umpteenth time as she breaks? Cool. That’s what you get here. 

- The Storm**: Split apart by the death of Henry, Carol and Ezekiel no longer remain married. She gives up that fairytale - one of the happiest she’d ever had - and begins wallowing in her suffering over the loss of her son. Heartbreak and grief do not come easily to her. They never have. Can you imagine being suffocated by things you’ve never talked about? Can you imagine having to live every day with your grief? Well, look here... that’s exactly what Carol does, and you want to know who her guiding force is? 

It’s Daryl. 

season 10 

- I remember when Season 10 aired, I watched the first episode in Kenya and loved it. I’d heard something about how PTSD was a BIG factor in the progression of the story throughout this season, and as someone who wants to go into mental health counseling, I was so intrigued by this that every single episode kept my eyes glued to the TV. Carol is the lead female now besides Michonne, but I’m gonna tell you every single favorite episode of mine anyway. 

- Ghosts: Carol makes a mistake and fires at Alpha when they meet her at the border. She wears a mask that’s so composed it’s almost hard to see the heartbreak beneath it, and that’s the point. She’s not considering her life. She’s considering vengeance for the life that was taken. This is a constant circle for her. Alot of people are tired of this arc and I get it, I do. But the difference between this one and the three seasons previous is that we’re meant to get to a resolution now. This episode broke my heart. Especially the last scene in the gym. 

- Bonds: Another Caryl heavy episode. I love this one. It’s very lighthearted compared to the rest of the season. 

- Open Your Eyes**: This one is utterly terrifying and eerily reminiscent of the one in S2 where Daryl interrogates Randall. Carol, having just brought back a Whisperer from her escapade with Daryl, interrogates him to find out the location of Alpha’s horde without any real consideration for the people around her. She also uses Lydia for her own personal gain, and I’m not gonna lie - Even though this one is one of my favorites because of Avi Nash (WHO WAS SUCH A GOOD ADDITION TO THE SHOW I LOVED HIM AS SIDDIQ) This episode made me so angry because of Carol’s motives. 

-  The World Before**: And when I said I was angry, this episode turned it all into heartbreak. This one remains one of my favorite of the show and of Carol for one very specific reason: The scene in the woods between her and Daryl. 

As someone who has never done grieving well, this scene hit me so. hard. She’s so set on this path of vengeance and blood that she’s neglecting a very real truth that she has never done well: talking about her burdens, talking about the pain and if she does that, if she acknowledges it, then she will hurt. 

- Squeeze: I don’t have to talk about this. I just have to show you. 

Ow. Please, please let her heal. I’m so tired of seeing her hurt. 

- 10x11 and 10x12 don’t really have Carol, and neither does 10x13, but she’s there. We see her a couple of times, we have a conversation or two. Let me get to the penultimate moment. One we’ve waited for years to see and which next week will give us the rest of. 

- LOOK AT THE FLOWERS*****: You can be a Carol fan for five minutes or five years and still somehow managed to love her MORE after watching this one. There’s a couple reasons why this one is probably in my top 3 for both Melissa and Carol as a whole. 

1. I have waited years to see Negan meet Carol. JDM has made it very clear how he feels about MMB and I knew, I knew, that once this interaction happened I would not be disappointed. I should’ve realized she was the one who let Negan out, but I didn’t. That entire first scene is gold. 

2. This entire episode is just.. art. The fact that Carol’s darker side takes the form of the being of her hatred - Alpha - is fitting, and it’s also the first time we’ve really gotten an actual dialogue about multiple things that have formed her character for the last several seasons: The Grove, the loss of Sophia, Ed... It’s heartbreaking to see because she keeps telling herself pushing people away is better, it’s better to be alone because there’s no one to burden, and the darker side of her asks a very simple question: What do you want? 

Her answer is clear, at least to her. I want to be alone. But the fact that the darker part of her, the one that keeps calling out on Connie, doesn’t agree. No. There’s something deeper. Something she’s too afraid to acknowledge. 

3. That whole final scene. Wow. I’ve watched it like four times because Samantha Morton is just so good as Alpha, as Carol’s dark counterpart, trying to mock and taunt her into doing the one thing she never was able to do herself: Dying. This episode is dark because of this realization. “Look at the flowers’’ is akin to ‘’It’ll all be over soon.” but instead of choosing death, instead  of choosing the one thing that would let it be over, she chooses life. She essentially chooses to fight for herself which she has not done in YEARS. The minute she acknowledges that it’s never too late (FOR WHAT?? HM??) the demons disappear. I think that this point into 10x15 will give us two things that every Carol fan is desperate for: Healing for Carol (FINALLY!), and a resolution to this endless arc of suffering. 

Also... Why do we think that Daryl is the one who ends up welcoming her home? Why is he the one who opens the gate? 

Long story short: I love this character. I love Melissa McBride as she is one of the most down-to-earth, humble and compassionate actresses in Hollywood. It’s a shame she’s not gonna be recognized by The Academy because if ever there was an actor/actress on this show to win, it’d be her. 

[gewoon-ellianna]

Let’s talk about JTV...

Yes, you read this correctly: I have returned from my Tumblr slumber to submit my review about the final season of a show I have loved and enjoyed for many seasons: Jane The Virgin.

***OBVIOUSLY THERE WILL BE SPOILERS IN THIS POST SO MAKE SURE YOU’RE READY TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCES***

Now I’m not going to sit here and pretend season 4 was all that either, but at least it still make some sense to me and didn’t anger me to the core. Honestly my face the entire season:

Ever since I’ve watched it - which is almost around a year ago - I still can’t shake off the anger this show has brought me to. While I was watching the series I’ve made a lot of frustrated selfies and notes I later shared with @fmrcheerios​ and I will now share with you all. So let’s begin...

1. When Michael returned we didn’t even got to see a great reunion between him and Rogelio. I mean WHAT?! They used to be the Best Buddies, but even when Michael got his memories back the showmakers didn’t even include a scene like that. Their friendship was one of the cutest in the show and now we’re just going to pretend that never really happened? OKAY.

2. After Michael came back in Jane’s life and she OBVIOUSLY had to figure things out and take her time, Rafael immediately fell back into his old habits. Good way of showing you had like what? 0% character development? Now I know I’m a little bias here since I used to be a huuuuge Team Michael fan, but even since Michael died and Jane and Rafael slowly fell in love again, I could definitely see them being happy and getting married. HOWEVER... after this set back and shocking life event, Rafael reminded me why I was never a member of his team: his absolute horrible behavior. Well done mate, up top!

3. Was Mateo even in this season...? I felt like Jane and Rafael only ever bothered about Mateo when he got in trouble/things were not doing so well. I understand that you have to make choices which scenes you are going to show, but in the last couple seasons Mateo was a very important character. Where he at??? Something I also didn’t get was all the drama about his diagnose? Maybe it’s because I’m not a mother, but I wouldn’t actually cry over such a thing I believe...

4. Alba and Jorge... I mean.........

5. A very important note that I thought I would never say: Michael should have stayed away. His character is not only ruined now that he returned to the show - honestly, I truly dislike his character now - but the only reason they brought Michael back was to tear open old wounds and create a poorly attempt at the old love triangle business seasons 1-3 was based upon. Back then it was a good storyline, but now it just felt stupid, unnecessary and mostly painful. Michael used to be my favorite character in the show, but after the final season I’m not even sure if I would ever want to rewatch JTV again.

6. Something I found quite strange was the absence of Xo and Alba trying to help Jane make her decision between Michael of Rafael. I’m sorry, but didn’t these two legends helped you get through every struggle in life? Guess they were as done with this crap as I was...

7. Around episode 8 it became quite clear how important Michael’s return was: surprise, it wasn’t. They could’ve started the season from this point and no one would have bat an eye about the stupid Michael return plot. It seriously broke my heart to see them not choosing each other this time around and Michael walking away...

8. GOOGLE PRODUCT PLACEMENT ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! In episode 9 suddenly all the new Google Phones weren’t here to stay after all? HMKAY...

9. As much as I love LGBTQIA+ representation, I didn’t care a single bit about Petra and JR. It felt like a cheap move to make Petra’s character a little bit more interesting - which wow I didn’t know you could USE LGBTQIA+ to boost up someone’s personality??? I didn’t like it, I didn’t care about them, ROISA FOREVER BABY!!!

10. Talking about Roisa: I was so freaking done seeing Luisa being used like this again... She was finally happy, away from the drama, living her life and she only got used by the other characters to get to Rose... 

11. I love musicals. I really do. IF IT’S MEANT TO BE A MUSICAL SERIES/FILM. Can the CW honestly STOP making these awkward stupid episodes in non-musical series?! Gossip Girl, Once Upon A Time, Riverdale, Sabrina... YOU. HAVE. DONE. ENOUGH.

12. Something I found hilarious was the fact that the car crash scene wasn’t even filmed like ehm isn’t the whole purpose of a series that you like... I don’t know... SHOW IT? I guess the product placement money didn’t come through...

13. Something I mostly don’t enjoy about Jane x Rafael is the constant restrictions and fear she seems to have around him. Everything SHE does is wrong, SHE should apologize, SHE is the problem meanwhile Rafael is supposed to be the perfect man? Sis what? Call me old fashioned, but to keep a healthy relationship both parties are required to WORK for it. Right now, Jane and Rafael almost seem to become the next Jorge and Alba... No thanks honey.

14. Around episodes 12-13 you could feel the RUSH in the plot. I haven’t really took the time to investigate the reasons behind this, but rushing a show towards the final ending seems to be the story of our lives these days... I get that you have to make certain choices, but the first episode with the return of Michael were so insignificant that I believe it would’ve been better to only keep around 2-3 episode in about that stupid hassle and leave it at that. Period.

15. I cried so hard of laughing about Rose her escape scene. Even though I get the idea and it was really cool, the way they filmed it was probably one of the most messy scenes I have ever seen in TV history. On top of that: wasn’t Jane like terrified of Rose and now that she escaped I don’t see her hiding/scared/staying inside? Guess she grew over her fears, good for her!

16. Aaaaand there’s Michael again. And he’s with Charlie. And she’s pregnant. And Rafael suddenly doesn’t think Michael is competition anymore. Wow. Great. What a story people...

17. Besides the wedding being an ABSOLUTE MESS, something I found especially funny was the fact that Rafael didn’t even give a speech because “he had to cry so intensely”. Sure, let’s not pretend you were in a hurry, didn’t get the time to write at least a decent script, had no idea what Rafael would write to Jane and how to top MICHAEL’S speech at Jane’s and Michael wedding because that was freaking perfect... Writers, I’m looking at you! 

OKAY, I had many more complaints to make but this post is already way too long for any regular JTV fan to read I think hahaha. Besides: it’s been quite a while since I’ve watched the show and I’m not ready to watch it any time soon again... If you did make it all the way to the end of this post: please let me know what you thought of the final season. I’m currently a Team NOBODY because both Michael and Rafael were dicks in the last season and Jane was just trying to get through this while obviously being very emotional. Let me know if you would be interested in how I would’ve wanted the show to end and I might post about this in my next Tumblr Talk. 

Thanks for reading, talk to you later. xxx

[callunavulgari]

Year-In-Life | 2020

Or that annual New Year’s meme where I talk about what the year was like to live through. And since this is 2020 the read through below features: a whole lot of depression, frank discussion about losing my cat, and pictures of my face.

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? Lost my best friend. I lost a hamster when I was about ten, but other than that, I’ve never lost a pet before. Losing Mal was the worst thing about an already awful year. I have lost family members that I have mourned less than her. I am still fucked up about losing her, and probably will be for a long while yet. 

Things that I haven’t done before - 2020 edition - consists of extreme depression, global pandemics, wearing a mask if I’m not either at home or in my car, having covid, being in the ER twice in one year, cutting all carbs and losing sixty pounds, spending a weekend in Vegas (in January, obvs), gambling (and winning over a thousand dollars), and probably a lot of other things that I’ve blocked out. But it’s always going to be the year that I lost Mal.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Apparently, according to 2019 me, my resolutions were to lose weight and quit smoking. Which, strangely enough, I actually did. Who knew that going to the ER for heart issues at the age of 30 would scare me into switching some things up.So, yay! I kept my resolutions.

Resolutions for 2021 - lose the rest of the weight. End goal is only another 50 pounds away. Write something original if you can, but don’t stress if you can’t. Heal. Be happier. Breathe deep. Don’t do something you’ll regret.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? One of my coworkers had a kid earlier in the year, but nothing since.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Mal. 

5. What countries did you visit? Alternatively, what is your favorite place that you did go this year? No countries this year, because that is illegal. I did go to Las Vegas in January though, before the year turned into an absolute shitstorm. It was actually really wonderful, which I wouldn’t have expected out of Vegas. We watched our friends get married on the High Roller. Ate a lot of very good, but very expensive food. Gambled a bit and actually won money. Saw two Cirque du Soleil shows - the Beatles and water one. Saw the Bellagio fountains and maybe cried a little about it. It was really nice.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? Well, I didn’t get a ring and we didn’t get a house, but we also made the decision to not do that this year. We did however, get a better president, so that was nice. In 2021, I would like a little more serotonin and a little less anxiety. And I’m not gonna say a damn thing about a ring.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? September 20th, 2020. Any other dates don’t fucking matter. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I lost a ton of weight and quit smoking, hopefully for the last time. Covid didn’t kill me. I didn’t kill me. I know that sounds bad, but it was a really, really horrible year.

9. What was your biggest failure? I don’t know. Not being able to save her? Not knowing that the heart abnormality had gotten that bad? Not getting her on clot busters the minute we took care of the thyroid problem.  10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I had Covid near the end of October and had regular illnesses a couple times throughout the year. I went to the ER in May for heart-related problems. And I’ve had debilitating headaches every single day since Covid, so. Yes. 11. What was the best thing you bought? We rescued a new kitten approximately four days after we lost Mal. It was too soon, I think, and if I could have done it again, I may have waited longer. But BMO was incredibly depressed after she passed and had basically stopped eating, so we were desperate. But I can’t regret getting her. She’s been the little bit of sunshine we’ve had since October.  12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I don’t know. Everyone and everything sucked this year. 13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? I don’t know, mine? I’ve come a long way this year in terms of weight loss and smoking and holding it together, but I’ve also sunken into the deepest hole that I’ve possibly ever been in since September. I will always be deeply frustrated by Nick’s mother and my mother, so that’s not really new. Everything sucked. Hopefully 2021 is better.

14. Where did most of your money go? Bullshit medical stuff. Turns out that two ER trips, countless doctor visits, and dental fuckery is really expensive. I did also go slightly crazy and bought Nick too many gifts this year, but in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t bad. Also planning on buying a relatively pricey comforter as soon as I’ve confirmed that I haven’t gotten it for Christmas. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I am going to be completely and totally serious when I say that I don’t think I’ve experienced true excitement since about February. I did get a very intense, brief spike of serotonin when I saw the new Dragon Age and Mass Effect trailers. But like. I don’t know. That’s kind of it. 

Okay, no, that’s a lie. I was happy to lose the weight I did and was super proud of myself and my health was phenomenal, but then Mal happened and covid happened and it’s hard to see the good things that happened this year when I feel this fucking horrible right now.

16. What song will always remind you of 2020? Toss a Coin to Your Witcher (because yeah, that was this year, fuck). Teeth. Don’t Get Me Wrong. The Untamed theme. Well, the entire Untamed soundtrack. Dance Monkey. We Won’t Be Falling. Promare soundtrack. Own Me. Into the Unknown. Monster. Waving Through a Window. Eurovision soundtrack. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? So much more depressed. Which says a lot, because 2019 was not super great. ii. thinner or fatter? But hey, on the plus side my answer to this question is finally thinner. iii. richer or poorer? Probably around the same. Or maybe poorer? I had a lot in my savings last year that I had to dip into because of medical shit. 18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I wish I’d done... anything. I wish I was allowed to leave my house without worrying about infecting myself or others. I wish that I had gone to the park more. I wish that I’d travelled. I wish that I’d written more. I wish I’d cooked more. I wish I’d worked out. Spent more time with my cat.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? God, I fucking wish I’d spent less time in my apartment.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? I don’t know. Nick’s family wants to have a big gathering since his grandpa might not be around next year? But the idea of that makes me super flinchey, for obvious reasons. I mean, I’m reasonably sure that the antibodies are still in our system, so we have a smaller chance of infection, but fuck. Also, large gatherings have been giving me anxiety, also for obvious reasons. 21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? I hope that we’re staying home. I want to make pirozki and spend the transition into the new year on my couch, maybe playing a video game, maybe napping. 22. Did you fall in love in 2020? Still love him. He got me through this year. I don’t think I could have done it alone. 23. Best month for you this year? January through March was not horrible. I can’t remember a definitive good month of the three, but January was Vegas, which was really good, so lets go with that.

24. What was your favorite TV program? Of just 2020? The Untamed (live action and anime), The Magicians, Guardian, various Watcher Entertainment segments, She-Ra (season 5!!!), The Haunting of Bly Manor, Over the Garden Wall, Leverage, Motherland: Fort Salem...

My favorite being The Untamed, hands down. Obviously.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I don’t think I have enough energy for hate at this point. I’m just tired.

26. What was the best book you read? Favorite was probably a tie between Gideon the Ninth and Harrow the Ninth, which works out well since they’re part of the same series. I really, really loved this series and am kind of sad that I have to wait until 2022 to get the third part of the trilogy. Top ten below, because why not.

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

Into the Drowning Deep by Mira Grant

The Lost Future of Pepperharrow by Natasha Pulley

Something to Talk About by Meryl Wilsner

The Invisible Life of Addie Larue by V.E. Schwab

Return of the Thief by Megan Whalen Turner

Written in the Stars by Alexandria Bellefleur

The Last Sun (and it’s sequel) by K.D. Edwards

The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Toss a Coin to Your Witcher has singlehandedly escorted me through 2020. Basically all the songs listed a couple questions up were my favorites of the year, but the Untamed soundtrack was probably my favorite. Promare soundtrack was also bomb af.

28. What did you want and got? Nick’s mom bought us nice bookshelves when we moved into the new place.

29. What did you want but didn’t get? A lot of things. Namely, I wish Mal was still with me.

30. What was your favorite film of this year? Promare, 100% Most of the other movies I watched were all rewatches. I watched My Neighbor Totoro, Onward, Knives Out, Emma, and that Eurovision movie. They were all pretty swell.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I wrapped presents on the living room floor and watched Last Christmas, which I thought was just a rom-com Christmas movie but surprised the hell out of me at the reveal that her love interest was dead the whole time? Like? That came out of left field. We then had a very quiet lunch at the Lantern, the Chinese place we go every year, and ducked into Oakland Nursery and Barnes and Noble long enough to grab some plants and books. I also got to see the Easton Christmas tree from across the street. It was snowing and honestly, a really pretty day. Oh, also I had to go to the dentist. That was less fun.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If I’d been able to keep Mal. 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? I wore a lot of comfortable work appropriate clothes and pajamas. My clothes don’t really fit me anymore since I lost all the weight, but I refuse to buy more until I’m actually at my goal weight. 34. What kept you sane? Nick was very helpful every time I had an anxiety attack and/or broke down crying. It could have been a lot worse, probably, but I literally cannot wrap my mind around that right now. 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Every single actor in the Untamed live action is unfairly gorgeous, especially Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan. Also, Henry Cavill was a shockingly good casting for Geralt and needs to be grimey all the time because he is a LOT more attractive when it looks like he hasn’t showered in three weeks. 36. What political issue stirred you the most? FUCK DONALD TRUMP IN THE EAR 20156789 2020—– This has literally been my response since 2015. Here’s to hoping that it won’t be my response in 2021. Also, children in concentration camps? Lying to the public about the pandemic? The race riots that happened earlier in the year? Literally everything else? This year has been fucking awful. 37. Who did you miss? Mal. Myself when I’m not feeling like this. 38. Who was the best new person you met? Annie. New coworker, delightful lady. If the pandemic was not a thing I definitely would have already gotten drinks with her after work.

39. Talk about a new friend that you made this year: Uh. Annie is a delightful person and brought me and Nick food when we were wasting away with covid. She also gave us toilet paper when we ran out after all the assholes in the entire country bought all the toilet paper in March/April. 

40. Post a picture from the beginning of the year:

This is me in like... February? I think? In public. Without a mask. I have lots of pictures of me in January, but all of them have someone else with me.

41. Post a picture from the end of the year:

Taken on my birthday, snatched just outside the doors of Barnes & Noble with the Easton tree across the street. Note the mask dangling from my ear.

42. A memorable meal discovered this year? Okay, so like. Two things. One- I had a meal in Vegas, that was fucking amazing. Actually I had a couple of those. Let me see if I can find pictures. Okay, so below are the two best meals I have eaten this year. The top is a butternut squash and pistachio ravioli, which came with this sweet butter sauce and it was so. fucking. good. Like, I have craved this thing since January. The bottom is the beef wellington at Gordon Ramsey’s Hell’s Kitchen. Which was... overpriced, but admittedly still delicious. I could have lived off that damn ravioli though.

43. What was your favorite memory this year? My birthday was actually pretty okay, all things considered. The snow was magical and I felt solidly okay for most of the day. Other than that, all of the nights in Vegas were great.

44. What are you excited for next year? So, the message to me from 2019 me for this question is about how I was really sad on December 26th of 2019 and that I hoped that 2020 would be the year that we “seized life by the horns or whatever” and like. Baby. 2019 me. I realize your depression was valid, but holy fuck, my sweet summer child it got so much worse. Though, I guess technically I did seize life by the horns for a bit. And then September hit like a bag of bricks.

Anyway, I am cautiously optimistic and hopeful that the transition of power to Biden goes smoothly. I’m hoping that things get better and not worse. I’m excited for several books, movies, and games, but mostly, I’m hoping that things are better. 

45. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: My message from last year was this:

“I feel like my message from last year is fucking taunting me. Legit though, this is not the worst thing you’ve ever been through. You have a boyfriend who loves you, two wonderful cats that better not fucking die anytime soon, and like, I don’t know, working ovaries. A job. A car. An apartment that has a kind of shitty kitchen and a bath tub that might as well not exist, but is still an apartment! Which is more than some people have!”

Thanks 2019 Heather. It got worse. (Though admittedly, and knock on fucking wood, but 2019 me is right. It could technically still get worse. But I have hope that it won’t.)

My valuable life lesson in the year of 2020: Life sucks. Keep your head on straight. Mourn your dead and love your living like you’ll never see them again. Live life like you could die tomorrow. And don’t take the little things for granted. 46. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: I am going to make it through this year If it kills me - This Year, The Mountain Goats

(2018 me apparently quoted Singing in the Rain. 2019 quoted something sad and pretentious. 2020 me is just tired and clinging to life by my damn fingernails.)

First Fandom of 2020: January of 2020 seems to have been solidly The Magicians, The Witcher, and The Untamed. Favorite Main Character of 2020: Wei Wuxian, fuck. Favorite Villain of 2020: Wei Wuxian, fuck. Close second if that doesn’t apply - Xue Yang. Favorite M/F Couple of 2020: Does Parker/Elliot/Hardison count? Because them, holy fuck. Also, female!Byleth/Jeritza. Favorite F/F Couple of 2020: Catra and Adora!!!!! Ahhhhh!!!! Er. Also, Harrow/Gideon.  Favorite M/M Couple of 2020: Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji. Close second is probably Ryan/Shane. Fandom That You Never Expected To Get Into: Honestly, probably the Untamed. I’m not usually crazy about live actions, but fuck, it was good. Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Buzzfeed Unsolved/Watcher. Also, in the last month I have been all over Mark/Damien(/Sam) from the Bright Sessions because I just listed to Neon Darkness. Fandom That Inspired The Most Crack: Yeah, idk. There’s crack in every fandom. Last Fandom of 2020: Buzzfeed Unsolved. And honestly, I’m still not out of The Untamed.  Favorite Fandom of 2020: Definitely the Untamed. Dipping into the Witcher was also nice.

[blood-gulch-reds]

Here is my secret Valentime's day fic for @not-madder-red !! Enjoy :)

When Dexter Grif was in highschool, Valentine's day was a day to be spent alone in his room downing discount chocolate by the package and rewatching season 253 of the bachelor, criticising the stupid people on the trash TV, and secretly wishing he had someone to laugh at the bachelor with. Over all, Grif never really cared about Valentine's day. But now that he actually had someone to watch TV with, he felt as though he owed it to Simmons to do something... Nice for Valentine's day.

While this mind set of niceness was... Well... Nice, it presented a set of problems. First off, Grif and Simmons had only just started dating ( if you could call watching star trek holding hands instead of not holding hands a date) for 4 Earth months. So in a romantic sense, Grif was absolutely in the dark about what Simmons enjoyed romantically. Secondly, Grif never really did Valentine's day and had no idea where to begin. Did Simmons expect roses? Did he think Grif would get him chocolates in a cardboard box? Out of all the things that the happy couple had talked about before tying the knot, romance was one subject that was never brought up to often.

And lastly, Grif had completely forgotten about Valentine's day until he woke up (at noon) to find that Donut had decorated the whole base with hearts cut out pink and red construction paper and plenty of glitter.

"Rise and shine buddy! Happy Valentine's day!" Donut sang from the kitchen,where he was preparing heart shaped sandwiches. 

Realization hit Grif like a bag of bricks and his face showed it. The only thing he was capable of saying was "I forgot it was Valentine's day". He slumped down into a chair at the kitchen table and donut set a plate down in front of him with a ham and mustard sandwich (sans the crust) cut in the shape of a heart with chips on the side.

Donut smiled curiously as he began to wash dishes. "Sure is!" He chirped in a chipper tone. He turned the water off and grabbed a dish towel to dry off some plates. "Hey, I could have sworn you didn't do Valentine's day? Why the change of... Heart?" He Snickered at his own stupid joke and thought Grif didn't show it (or any emotion besides shock for that matter) his distaste for the pun was immeasurable. 

"Well..." Grif began, absent mindedly taking a bite out of the sandwich. "Ia neavur- mm-" he decided to finish chewing the food in is mouth before talking, an unusually civil thing of him to do. Donut picked up on this gesture immediately and deemed whatever Griff was about to say as extremely important. He put away the plate he was holding and gracefully sat down at the seat across the table from where Grif was seated. "Mm damn that's a good sandwich. Where was I? Oh, right" Grif wiped his mouth with a napkin and took a breath. "I never really felt like... Well I never really got the whole point of it, y'know?" Donut nodded intently, slowly leaning more and more forward. "It's a fuckin Hallmark holiday- a chance for the big corporations to make money or whaterever and a chance to pick up some discounted candy for the lowly working man. But now that..." Grif drifted off for a moment, a slight ting coming to his cheeks. His eyes wandered elsewhere and Donut dared not to disturb him. "Now that Simmons and I... are a thing... I think I get it. I wanted to make our first Valentine's day special and like, get him something? but now it's just too late" Grif finished. A look of genuine disappointment spread across his face.

Donut perked up. Finally, a moment in need of his expertise!  "Too late? That's totally not true at all!" Grif looked up hopefully. If he was trying to hide his inner dialogue, he was failing miserably. "Look Grif, you've got the whole rest of the day to figure out what you're going to get the love of your life for your guy's first ever Valentine's day together as soul mates!!" Grif shrunk down into his hoodie and let out a groan. Donut pressed on anyway. "If you don't know what to get him, why not pick some flowers for him? It's shallow, but shows that you're trying".

Grif sat up and thought for a moment. "That's... That's not a bad idea." Grif then stood up and scarfed down what was left of the sandwich before walking towards the door. "Maybe I can turn this thing around... I don't have a ton of time but," he stoped and smiled to himself. "It's worth a shot. Thanks for the food Donut!" He said as he closed the door behind him.

Donut yelled "Wait! You forgot to put your dish away-" but Grif was already out the door. Donut rolled his eyes and placed the used dish in the sink. "These love birds..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

12:30 p.m.

Grif was gitty to get Simmons the perfect gift and, although Donut's flower idea was cute, he deemed him correct in saying it was a bit cliche. Grif wanted something a little more personal, and who better to ask about relationship then his ever romantic sister.

When Grif walked over to the 'blue house', as they had dubbed it, there was the ever familiar scent of burnt toast and chaos in the air. Before Grif could even process what was going on, there was a loud crash as panini press came flying through the window, followed by even louder yelling from Kai.

"ITS NOT THAT FUCKING HARD BRO I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW YOU BURNED- oh hey Dex!" Kai stormed out of the house, fuming, but her tone quickly changed when she saw her brother. Grif was stunned, but tried to quicky get over it as he had a job to do.

"Hey, Kaikaina. I had a question if you're not busy-"

"WHY IS THE WINDOW BROKEN? tUCKER‽" Washington's voice rang shrill in Grif's ears. Kai's face went pale.

"Why don't we take a walk?" She offered with a guilty smile. Grif pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"Yeah- ok that sounds good." The two of them walked toward the shore. Although they'd never talk about it aloud, the beach here fondly reminded them of home. Not the chaos of thier mother, nor the periods of time without food, but the gentle laughter they shared making each other feel better. Grif decided to start off with some light conversation. "Soooo," he began "what was that all about"

"Uhg it's bullshit! It all started last night when Tucker got drunk and put his dick in a-" 

"Woah! Ok never mind! Jesus Christ...", Said Grif, who realised there was no use trying to decipher blue team's bull shit and it would probably be best to just get to the point. "Look it's Valentine's day and I wanna get something nice for Simmons. Any ideas?"

Kaikaina stood still for a moment, just looking at the ground in awe. "I thought... I thought you didn't do Valentine's day."

Grif flushed "yeah well, things are different now". He was going to stop there but quickly added on, "and I only got like, a couple hours so... If you have any suggestions I'd like to hear 'em".  

Kai lit up like a Christmas tree. " 'if I have any ideas'? Bro I've been waiting for you get laid on Valentine's day since we were in highschool!" Grif's cheeks and ears darkened in tone while the patch of Simmons skin on his right cheek turned bright red. 

"Just get on with it!" 

Kai smiled. " Ok ok... You need a gift idea? Here's one: get him something he's been talking about for a few weeks." Grif was about to thank Kai for her genuinely good advice before she continued, "that way he'll know that you're a good listener and be way more eager to let you go down on him like a tow truck!!"

"I second that! Chicks- er- bottoms are totally into good listeners!" Said Tucker, who had appeared our of seemingly nowhere.

"Where the fuck did you come from???" Kai inquired, shifting her weight onto one hip.

"Oh, you know-"

"No. We don't." Grif interjected.

Tucker shrugged. "I needed to get away from base for a while. It's was getting to chaotic for me-

"That and Wash probably threatened to skin him for burning breakfast and breaking a window" Kai teased. Grif smiled at Kai's remark and watched Tucker throw his hands up defensively.

"Hey! First of all, you broke that window. Secondly, I needed some space from caboose! He's all emotional because it's Valentine's day. He misses church." 

Grif suddenly had an idea. No one was more... Soft? Innocently romantic? Genuinely kind?? Then caboose. Kai and Tucker were bickering like lovers often do (not that they were together... Or maybe they were? Grif didn't know, nor did he want to know) so he slipped away and he was off to find Caboose.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1:20 pm.

When Grif finally made it to the blue's house, things had seemed to settle down. He let himself in and found a very defeated wash sitting at the kitchen table, clutching a cat shaped mug. Carolina was looming over him, clearly trying to be comforting. They both looked up when Grif came in, but otherwise didn't acknowledge his presence. 

"Uh... Hey. Is caboose around?" 

Wash mumbled into his mug, "how did he burn a bowl of cereal…." 

"Yes, I think he's on the roof" said Carolina, who looked sympathetic and tired.

Grif noded and showed himself upstairs. The aftermath of whatever happened this morning clearly has left it's scars on everyone and Grif and absolutely no intention of finding out the full compendium of events that had occurred. He made his way into the attic and through the small window on the south facing side of the house that led to a flat, sturdy spot on the roof. The Reds' and Blues' houses were built exactly the same, but they mirrored each other. Sarge absolutely refused to believe that the houses were identical and claimed that the Red house had three more roofing tiles, making it superior. 

Grif opened the window and crawled out onto the roof to find Caboose sitting with Church's helmet, a glass of orange juice, a copy of the old earth show Friends, and a red heart shaped paper folded down the middle. Grif felt bad disturbing him, but it had to be done. "Uh, hey man. Happy Valentine's day…"

Caboose looked up (he had been looking at the clouds) and smiled. "Hi Gruff!!! Happy Valentime's day" he look around as if something were the matter. "Where is Cinnamons? It is Valentime's day and you two aren't together?" 

Grif crawled up next to him and pulled out a bag of Hershey's kisses. He offered some to Caboose and said "yeah about that… I want to get him a gift but I don't know what to get him. I figured you might have an idea?". 'Why am I even asking?' he thought to himself. 'if Donut, Kai, and Tucker of all people couldn't give me good enough advice why am I even here‽ Desperation?'. 

Caboose was quiet for a moment before thoughtfully saying, "when church was still here, he didn't like it very much when I gave him hugs, but he really liked this one show?" He held up the copy of Friends, and Grif nodded intently. "So we would watch it together alot! On Valentime's day, I would make him a card like this one-" he pointed to the red heart shaped paper and Grif noticed that there was writing on the inside. Not Caboose's writing because the penmanship had bitchy (and legible) undertones. He concluded that it was Church's card to Caboose and suddenly Grif started to put everything together. "I liked cards and he liked Friends! So we did that together. I miss him alot sometimes", Caboose concluded. 

Grif tapped him on the shoulder. "I know man. We miss him too." There was a moment of bitter sweet silence before Grif said,"thanks Caboose. I have to get going to Sim-... Cinnamons." 

"Ok! Happy Valentime's day Gruff!" Caboose said cheerfully. Grif smiled and climbed down. He set off to town, with a pretty good idea of what to get Simmons.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2:30 pm

Grif got stuck in traffic

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3:05

The store was crowded with men and women with the same last minute, albeit good, intentions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4:00 

Grif waited anxiously in line at his final stop. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5:00 

Grif was stuck in more traffic. The sun was just starting to go down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7:30 

Halfway home. Traffic finally let up

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

8:40

Grif finally made it home, but despite all his delays he just sat in the warthog for a moment. The silence was killing him, but he needed time to collect his thoughts. After breathing for a minute or two, Grif grabbed his bags and hopped out of the vehicle. He knew Simmons had been working on some computer repairs (his side hussle for a little extra spending money, not that they needed it as Kimbal provided for their every need) in his 'lab'. He called it his lab, but everyone else called it Simmons' room that he turned into a workspace after he kinda sorta moved into Grifs' room. Actually, everyone else called it the nerd cave. Grif made his way up to the nerd cave and lightly knocked on the door.

The music that had been playing was hushed and a few moments later Simmons opened the door. "Grif! Hey man." He said, smiling widely. He was a mess. His hair was just long enough in the front to be held back by a hair tie, which formed a tiny little hair stump on the back of his head. He was sweaty and had clearly been working non-stop for the last who knows how long (Grif did- he had been working for 14 hours straight at his own discretion) made clear by the 3 empty coffee cups on his desk. His cybernetic eye was softly glowing, meaning that he had been extensively using it to magnify whatever teensy circuit boards he had been working on. Tldr: he was truly a geeky, nerdy mess. Grif thought he look amazing.

"Hey Simms.. hey can you uh-" for a moment he hesitated. What Simmons thought this was stupid? What if he hated this whole stupid holiday? What if he thought- no. Grif shook his jitters and said, "can you take a break for a sec?" 

Simmons wiped his face with his sleeve. "Yeah dude of course what's up?" Grif reached into one of the paper bags on his arm and pulled out a medium sized bouquet of roses. They were shades of orange and maroon, to colors that held a good deal of significance to the two of them. He stuck out his arm, offering the flowers to Simmons. He looked away and shoved his free and in his pocket. "I uh.. I picked these up for you" Simmons didn't move for a moment and Grif's world came crashing down. He thought it was stupid. Donut was wrong, Kai and Tucker were wrong, caboose was wrong everything is so fucking stupid how could he be this dumb? He was about to walk away when Simmons gingerly took the flowers in his robotic hand. "Grif… these are beautiful. You went to town just to get these for me?"

"Well, no." Said Grif. Simmons looked a little disappointed at this. Grif realised what we said and how it came out before quickly adding, "no! I- I mean I like got more then just flowers for you uh… here" he said, getting a small tissue paper wrapped object out of the second bag. Simmons gently tore away at the paper and gasped with glee when he saw a Phillips Head #000 screwdriver. "Oh my god! Dude! I've been talking about how I need one of these forever!" Grif smiled, feeling much more confident in his Valentine's grifs. Simmons took the little tool (the screwdriver, not his boyfriend) back to his desk and placed it carefully on top of a book. He came rushing back to give Grif a hug. "Thank you so much dude."

Grif was taken back at how much Simmons really did appreciate his gifts. It felt nice to make him smile like this! But there was one more gift in store…Grif broke away from Simmons grip and pulled out a small velvet box. Simmons looked on in with anticipation. "When we were in blood gulch", began Grif. "We went to the Vegas and you hated every minute of it but you pushed through for me. We went back again and again and that one time… what was it? 4 years ago? You hit big on black jack. You were so happy and I was happy for you? It was like 'damn. He's finally enjoying a vacation.' anyway… I went downtown today and got this." He opened the box and revealed a poker chip- a golden one. It was ingraved with delicate lettering that spelled out "for Richard~". 

"Grif…" Simmons started to tear up (loser). He looked up and smiled a genuine smile. "I love it" he said, enveloping Simmons in another, tighter hug. Grif was struggling to breathe, but it was worth it. "N-no problem. Hhhappy Valentine's day." He wheezed out. 

Simmons dropped him suddenly. "I just realized" he shifted his weight "I thought you didn't do Valentine's day…" 

Grif ran a dang through his hair. "Yeah well, I found a pretty damn good reason to start celebrating." 

Simmons lit up. "In that case…" he pulled out a plastic bag filled with limited addition mint oreos and handed it to Grif. "I can give these to you early" 

Grif started crying. "It's a Valentine's day Miracle!"

@rvbgiftexchange

[aylinaliens]

My Engineer Episode 13: Tent Scene Analysis (and why this conflict is probably for the best)

Okay. So let me start out by saying I loved Ram/King in episode 13. I loved that we FINALLY got to see some conflict and I was glad it had nothing to do with petty drama or jealously: instead the conflict stemmed from King. More specifically his feelings/lack of ability to express them. I think it’s safe to say that King has no problem taking care of Ram. He doesn’t even second guess bringing him home and giving him a place to stay. He pushes away his fear of dogs just because he knew how much they meant to Ram.

No, the conflict that King is struggling with is not related to HIS feelings. It’s related to Ram’s. Throughout episode 13 we saw how Ram seemed to always stick around King. Not only did he stick around but he kept a close eye on him. Every time King nearly tripped or actually did Ram was right there taking care of him. Each time King truly looked guilty and even a bit confused over it. However, it was the scene in the tent that really made whatever annoyance I had for this episode float away (I had some thoughts about Bohn/Duen but that’s for another time) because...damn. They really are subtly trying to show his insecurities. It’s starting to make sense why he never acted on his feelings either and why he honestly...probably won’t? Not in this season at least. It makes sense why he’s pretending to be in denial—I don’t think it’s related to the fact that Ram is a guy but more so because it IS Ram if that makes sense? What started off as a fascination quickly turned into something so much more. Like I said before I think eventually King would let Ram see his vulnerable side but the head injury quickened the pace significantly.

We also have to remember that Ram is not in the best place emotionally right now. This was evident in the few scenes where King accidentally upsets Ram by bringing his father up. Obviously he didn’t mean to do it on purpose but I kind of feel like it was King’s way of unconsciously pushing Ram away. Trying to remind his current state and that HE needs. That while they do have something going on it might not be the best time for either of them.

I ended up rewatching the tent scene multiple times and I noticed a few things.

1) King is always quick to apologize for these little things (like Ram handing him his medicine) because he probably believes that he’s a burden. Actually he states that when Ram asks why he didn’t tell him that the wound got infected. “I don’t want to be a burden to you.” The tone of voice Ram used during this scene was less demanding than the one he used in the waterfall scene. In that scene he was absolutely not taking no for an answer (not when there was a risk King would get hurt again) yet he also sound kind of exhausted. He’s noticing that King is starting to push him away but regardless of that fact he doesn’t understand why he tried to hide this. Still without being prompted he automatically helps King up to take medicine no questions asked. That is something I really liked about this pairing is because they seem to understand each other without words but...

2) It’s clear that King and Ram were not on the same page. Usually they excel at reading each other but King is especially good at it. Right from the start he was able to identify what all these little facial expressions meant. Yet the whole scene where Ram slowly starts to scoot over (very hesitantly and cautiously might I add) really hurts to watch.

What gets me even more is when Ram asks if he was cold and obviously he was yet he still lies. It’s clear as day that he’s in pain in this scene. He actually makes this same exact expression after he pushes Ram away which again, there they go breaking my heart. I don’t even want to talk about the tender way Ram touched his forehead. It reminded me of the bus scene where King kind of moved away in panic except this time he didn’t. That’s most likely why Ram misread the signals imo. He assumed that if King was allowing him to do that than he would be fine with laying next to each other too. They must of slept in the bed (pretty close from the last episode) a few times and even took a shower together so that intimacy was not unusual between them (at least that’s what I assume because it’s kind of implied off screen).

When he opened his eyes he looked so confused and kind of hurt over it. Especially when they stared at each other for a few moments before speaking. He was staring at Ram’s arms for awhile trying to process what was happening. I know the look on his face could be interpreted in many different ways but despite the confusion all I saw was just regret. Regret for this whole entire situation. That’s most likely why he ended up pushing away. He was starting to understand that he was giving Ram this false hope of them being together.

He pushes him away only for Ram to grab his wrist. Everything we saw this season proved that Ram is kind of stubborn (the whole not backing down from a boxing match with Bohn because of Duen) so the only way to get him to listen is to once again remind him of his current state and well to pretend like he was fine.

3) King is way too selfless. He is always putting others in front of him. Ram is no exception. More specifically he realizes that the only way to maintain distance is to bring up their friends. Once again we know how protective he is of his friends and I personally think he’s trying to get Ram to let them in to his personal troubles. Again I don’t think this has to do with the fact that King doesn’t want Ram to lean on him...he’s unsure if he can lean on Ram. So it’s better for both to create some distance with each other and hang out with their respective friends even if (the very next day) we can see just how much they both are watching each other.

4) Micro!! Expressions! Baby!! Micro expressions is a term in psychology that are basically involuntary and voluntary emotional responses that are happening at the same time yet conflict with another. Basically: you are not showing your genuine emotion but sometimes it slips through creating conflict. It usually happens for a split second and while this isn’t the perfect way to describe King during this scene it comes close. For example, the look in his eyes before he closes them is not the face of someone who doesn’t care or who even wants distance. No, he looks sad and before saying they should hang out separately he visibly gulps almost as if it was hard to get out (or that he was nervous). The scene was way too dark so it’s hard to tell if his eyes are glassy but they definitely hold emotion that even I can’t understand. Honestly he just looks sad. Throughout this episode he says one thing but his face tells a completely different story.

Another thing he does that if you don’t look close you’ll miss it: his eyes dart to the other side of the tent. He doesn’t roll over or completely face him but when he’s preparing himself to say that they discreet flicker to Ram to see if he was paying attention (except King never really gets a full look at him which leads me to believe it was more of a unconscious movement). I think it’s also important to mention the fact that he said those things with his eyes closed. Look at the look of pain on his face in that pictures too. It’s not quite as intense as it was earlier but we can see his discomfort. Yeah that could be because he was in legit pain from the head wound but it’s obvious that he doesn’t...want to say this? Or push him away? But he’s unsure how to process or communicate these feelings in a healthy way so he pushes him away.

But what’s even more heartbreaking is that AFTER he did that he opened his eyes. Just look at that face real quick. Does that look like someone who doesn’t care? Ram is not the only one suffering from this temporary break between them. He looks like he regrets what he did but again: the boy does not have the proper emotional intelligence to vocalize this so he tries to let Ram down easy.

4) I didn’t talk that much about Ram but I could honestly do another post just dedicated to him. He isn’t at fault for this situation but King isn’t either. I think if the audience compares them to MekBoss and BohnDuen you will see that while King SHOULD communicate what he did was less harmful in a way? Because it was based somewhat on honesty (both should hang out with their friends because that’s what they came on the trip to do) but that’s not to say he was better than the other characters or that it’s okay to lie. It’s just fascinating to examine all of these pairings because each are at a different level emotionally/physically. The dynamics are way different too. Still this whole episode was structured on lying or withholding the truth and King was definitely pushing Ram away because it’s easier than sitting down and talking it out. I do have to say I’m so happy that while Ram obviously didn’t understand this sudden shift he respected King’s decision. He might of looked at him most of the day but he didn’t approach. Ram might be stubborn and protective but he knows when to step back.

5) We as an audience ended up kind of holding RamKing to this higher standard than the others. For the whole season they were the couple that was off to the side never having drama with each other. We got to see them slowly get to know each other and develop feelings. I know people were upset about this conflict because random drama in the last 2 episodes of shows always equal no good. Especially because there’s a chance Ram and King will not end on a good note in the finale. I hope this isn’t the case though because it would just feel very cheap. That’s to say I’m opposed to them ending up as just friends because honestly? I don’t want them to get together now if we get a s2 because I like that they are slowburn. I just have a problem with them throwing in stuff that was never talked about until episode 14. Having the conflict surrounding King’s insecurities was just *chefs kiss* because it adds to the depth of his character. RamKing has always been the realistic pairing on the show (even if one never speaks and the other has an obsession with plants) so it makes sense for their “drama” to be about that rather than jealously. Miscommunication is no doubt happening here but I hope they address this in the finale. That’s all I’m asking for. Not for Ram and King to make declarations of love but to sit down and be like “hey, here’s how I’m feeling. let’s just stay friends for the time being okay?”

Anyways, I love this show but I’m already preparing myself for the inevitable fact that there is chance the writers might just add in random drama and have yet another pairing NOT COMMUNICATE

[wiiired]

Season 2 Awards

We’ve finished Season 2! Like last time, I thought it’d be fun to make a bracket of my favorite and least favorite moments, once again relying on Way Down in the Hole for the categories. So, without further ado, the best and worst of Season 2.

Best and Worst Boss: I’m going to give both of these to Frank Sobotka. There’s nobody more invested in the well-being of his union -- from bribing politicians to ratting on the Greeks to keep his men away from criminal charges, Sobotka was willing to do anything to protect IBS Local 1514. Over the course of the season, we see him be incredibly generous with union workers, gifting them cash when they’re in a hard spot, and drinking with them at the local bar. But Frank is also the reason that police attention falls on the union; while you can’t blame him for Stan Valchek’s personal grudge, he’s absolutely blameworthy for getting in deep with a criminal organization. Ultimately, Frank was too short-sighted to be a good boss, and his insistence in maintaining the status quo rather than looking for ways to adapt was ultimately his downfall. Of course, his downfall also cost the union its freedom -- in the final montage of S2E12, we see that IBS has been taken over by the feds.

Best Couple: My favorite couple is one that never happened -- Frank and Beadie (making my case: 1, 2). I’m a sucker for yearning looks, and there were definitely some looks traded between the union boss and local cop. They seemed to genuinely care about each other, beyond a friendly smile at the port or in the bar. One of the most memorable scenes of Season 2 is when Beadie confronts Frank and asks him to talk to the cops. Frank confesses to her that he thought he was doing the wrong thing for the right reasons, and Beadie says, “There are different types of wrong.” I feel like they could’ve been a couple that mutually supported each other -- Frank the stable union presence for Beadie’s kids, giving Beadie more flexibility to find the career she’s looking for. Alas, the Greeks ruined that one for me.

Worst Couple: Nick Sobotka and Aimee. Nick just isn’t ready to settle down. He isn’t making enough money to support a family, and while he loves his child he isn’t enough of a presence to be there for her. Not to mention, he abandons Aimee in his parents’ home and spends the night with Prissy rather than seeking comfort from his significant other. Aimee deserves better than this man who brought trouble onto himself, and consequently made her life more difficult (the three of them got dragged into Witness Protection thanks to Nick’s Greek connections). I say time to move on.

Favorite Quote: Any of the nicknames for Jimmy while he was riding the boat. Sailor Boy, Little Man in the Canoe, Captain Chesapeake, McNulty the Sailor Man, and my favorite, Prince of Tides.

File This Away for Later Moment: Stringer’s encounter with Brother Mouzone. The way that Brother Mouzone sees straight through Stringer -- remember that. Mouzone will be making an appearance in Season 3.

Rookie of the Year: Ziggy. On Way Down in the Hole, Van Lathan pointed out that Ziggy is a character who always provokes an emotional reaction; love him or hate him, you feel some kind of way when he shows up. Personally, I found my growing tolerance for Ziggy growing over the course of the season, and on a rewatch I was more attentive to the way he’s treated by Nick and Frank. It’s hard not to feel sorry for the class clown who just wanted some respect, and couldn’t get it, stuck in a job where he couldn’t succeed and ignored by his own father. Over a single season, Ziggy evolves from union jester to booster extraordinaire to convicted murderer, all because he couldn’t find his spot. Hopefully he’ll have time to change in prison, and he’ll be able to start over once he gets out.

Six M(e)n of the Year: Jemele Hill and Van Lathan picked Herc and Carver, and I have to agree. No one was a more consistent B plot than Police Brutality 1 & 2 (Jemele’s nickname for them): Herc’s pestering of Kima to join the team, and then getting Daniels to bring Carver on board, too; the bug-tennis ball-Fuzzy Dunlop subplot; those brief seconds where the two of them struggled to bring that air conditioner up the stairs; constant car surveillance and that amazing scene with the french fries (”You think I’m fat?”). I’ve always liked Herc and Carver because I think they’re funny, but I felt guiltier about it last season because they were unquestionably the cops most likely to beat someone up. This season, they’re the perfect combination of scheming yet inept and well-positioned as comic relief.

Favorite Scene: It’s either D’Angelo’s death in S2E6 or the scene in S2E11 where Beadie asks Frank to talk to the cops. First, D’Angelo’s death is dramatic because it’s so sudden -- everything is going well, and then thirty seconds later D’Angelo’s on the floor with a belt around his neck. The first time I watched S2E6 I didn’t actually believe that D’Angelo had died -- it wasn’t until the next episode that I understood he’d actually been killed off. Not to mention, D’Angelo was season 1′s moral compass, so losing him was pretty upsetting. Second, the scene between Beadie and Frank -- well, I’m just a romantic for them. Whether they should’ve been together or just good friends, you can’t deny how well Amy Ryan and Chris Bauer act emotional. I felt Frank’s regret for everything he’d done, even more so because I knew what was going to happen to him. And, yes, I think this scene is proof why Beadie and Frank would’ve been a good couple. While Beadie was there for a reason, she was the only person who was able to comfort Frank and understand why he made the choices that he did, and Beadie was the only person Frank was able to open up to. Maybe in an alternate universe, Frank comes clean, helps the cops nab the Greeks before they sail off on fraudulent passports, and Beadie drives him home, where with Ziggy in jail he decides he’s going to start anew. The two of them load his truck with suitcases, pick up Beadie’s kids, and drive off into the sunset.

Best Performance: Nick Sobotka. It’s hard to make a thieving, racist dockworker sympathetic, but Pablo Schreiber did it. Jemele Hill points out that Nick is the most openly racist of the dockworkers; despite working with and seemingly befriending black fellow dockworkers, Nick consistently uses the n-word, and in S2E7 gives an infamous speech to Frog, reminding them that they’re both white. Yet we also see Nick struggling to survive: living in his parents’ basement, giving money to his girlfriend when he can, and being affectionate with his daughter. He turns to crime because he can’t make enough money at his straight job. Nick Sobotka’s character is a masterful ruse to get white audience members, who may have resisted empathizing with the Barksdales, to see drug sellers as human. I also have to shout out Pablo Schreiber for being (a) very cute, (b) 6′5″, and (c) apparently very talented at playing believably nasty characters -- he won an Emmy for Orange is the New Black as George “Pornstache” Mendez, an abusive corrections officer who exacts sex from inmates in return for drugs he smuggles in. I guess post-Emmy he’s in demand, most recently playing Mad Sweeney on American Gods.

Stringer Bell Fuckboy Award: There are two options, both of them defensible. It’s either the scene where Stringer seduces Donette, or when he’s over there later playing with D’Angelo’s kid while Donette makes him dinner. Personally, I’d pick the latter. Not only are Stringer and Donette holding hands in front of D’Angelo’s son, but Stringer actually picks up the (world’s cutest) baby and bad-mouths D’Angelo to him! Classic fuckboy.

Favorite Trivia: Apparently, Lance Reddick (Cedric Daniels) hated Dominic West (Jimmy McNulty). In real life, Reddick and West are somewhat like their TV personalities -- Reddick is quieter and more reserved while West is very chatty and extraverted. In All the Pieces Matter, Reddick admitted that he found West rather annoying and avoided him outside of work.

MVP: Beadie Russell. Instrumental to the plot, growing exponentially from day-jobber in S2E1 to certified good police in S2E12, and maybe the kindest character on the show. A single mother supporting herself and two kids, it’s hard not to root for Beadie, who became a cop after realizing she couldn’t feed her family on a toll-taker’s salary. She also gets a disproportionate number of the season’s most quotable lines, from “What they need is a union” to “World just keeps turning, right?,” probably because she represents the viewer’s perspective (taking over from gone-too-soon D’Angelo Barksdale). While her weakness for McNulty will get her in trouble, I’m glad we’ll see the return of Beadie in Seasons 4 and 5.

That was fun y’all. Here’s my bracket for Season 1.

[pluviophile-bookworm]

AWAE 1x1 rewatch: thoughts and reactions

After two months of laughing, crying and every emotion in between, but most of all massive clowning, season 3 is in the past. Now, instead of being all sad about the cancellation - which is temporary, mark my word - time to rewatch every episode starting from day one. 

A lot of my reactions to season 1 will probably be “omg [insert young character’s name] was so tiny”. If you don’t like that, you’re welcome to block the tag #jnk watches awae; otherwise, feel free to come with me on this trip down AWAE memory lane. 

Horse riding parallels were very much a thing in season 3, but now I see they go back all the way to season 1. The premiere episode starts with Matthew riding a horse I could not identify, and 3x1 starts with Anne riding Belle. They’re even riding in opposite directions - as if towards each other. What can I say, I love Anne and Matthew’s relationship and I just had to find something even from before Anne arrived. 

Just as I remember, this episode (and most of the first season, really) is much darker and greyer than the later seasons - especially compared to season 3, where a dark frame signified something really dark was about to happen. I cannot help thinking this was not just because the first two seasons were filmed in winter and season 3 in summer. I think the dull, dark colours were emphasised on purpose to reflect the dullness of life in Avonlea before Anne arrived, as well as Anne’s own dark and difficult past and her fear of being treated the same as before once again. Am I looking too much into this? Yes. But AWAE is the kind of show that rarely, if ever, does anything by accident. So I’m probably on the right track. 

The choice to start off the series with Marilla and Matthew inside their home instead of Rachel and her point of view, as the book did, is a nice foreshadowing of the series’ emphasis on family. I love it. 

And, as the colours of the frame brighten for a second before going back to grey dullness, we get our first glimpse of Anne. Her face was ever so thin. Poor child has been through so much already... the whole situation just makes me think that her past combined with what her future holds is way too much. Way, way too much. 

Seeing the terrible memory of the abusive environment she was only recently taken out of, I cannot properly express my gladness at the realisation that in season 3, the sound of a crying baby no longer triggers Anne. Yes, she’s been through an awful lot, but life in Avonlea as part of a loving family has done her good. You know, these observations and the knowledge of all the positive changes in future seasons make it easier for me to rewatch these very triggering scenes. 

“I like imagining better than remembering” After all you’ve been through, of course you would. Who could blame you for that?

“Why are the worst memories the most insistent?” I’ve been asking myself the same thing for a long time now. 

Oh Anne, you have no idea... [image credit: kissthemgoodbye]

As if to confirm my theory, the colours are much brighter once Anne arrives at the train station. But now I have another theory: what if this brightening reflects  how Anne sees things? The hope, the potential for a better life in a new world...

“I can also imagine that I am already a disappointment to you” And she doesn’t even know they were expecting a boy... poor thing. This scene brings me to tears every time I think about it. And the whole period of time that Anne spends wondering if they’ll let her stay at Green Gables. I have no idea how I will endure watching that over again. But I set myself up for it and what got me through the first time is what will have to do it again this time - that is, the knowledge of what is to come. 

“You’re a sight for sore eyes, Mr. Cuthbert” I bet this is the first time Matthew has had these words said to him. Great, now I’ve made myself cry. Could it be that this is when he knew there was no way he was bringing her back to her old life? Those bright little eyes telling you how happy they are to see you... I am surprised Marilla took as much convincing as she did. 

“I’m so homely, nobody would ever want to marry me. Unless he was a foreign missionary.” First of all, no, you’re not. Second of all, I hereby give Gilbert Blythe his new nickname - the foreign missionary. It’s ironic to think that if post- season 3 Anne would remember saying that, she would definitely come to the same conclusion. I need a season 4 and a reference to this in it. #renewannewithane

Since this Rachel we see here is pre - 3x7 Rachel, I’m back to being annoyed at her every time she appears on screen. 

“... or some French ruffian.” I know full well Jerry is French- Canadian, not French-from-France, and yet I can’t help finding this extremely ironic. Like, thank heavens your new hired boy is not French... so what if he was?

“Well, we’re not getting a girl.” Oh yes you are, Marilla, and you will love her like she’s your own daughter, as much as you try not to. 

My theory is just confirming itself scene after scene. Both of my theories, really. When Anne and Matthew are riding along the White Way of Delight and past the Lake of Shining Waters, everything is bright and positively just as wonderful as Anne says it is. We’re seeing what Anne sees, the way she sees it. Also, at that point she’s thrilled at the prospect of living in Green Gables and she’s approaching it - so the scenery lights up. But it goes back to darkness as soon as she has another flashback of her past.

As Anne and Matthew enter Green Gables together for the first time, I’m having flashbacks of 3x9 - another Anne - Matthew parallel. I can’t help thinking of how vastly different the two situations are, especially with Anne wearing the very same clothes as Marilla (being an inalienable part of the family) and Matthew standing up to the people from the “White Man’s Burden” school (after years and years of barely speaking and never putting his foot down except for one thing - to keep Anne). 

Poor little Anne - she just wanted to be called Cordelia or Penelope for a couple of days before going back to her old miserable life... but I guess one can be satisfied with Anne with an E if Anne with an E has the chance to stay at Green Gables. Plus, I myself have always liked the name Anne.

“Girls can do anything a boy can do, and more” Why, Anne was just as much of a feminist back in the day as she is in recent episodes. She really is “ahead by a century”.

Why would anyone ever imagine they’re in the depths of despair? Besides, I don’t think anyone who has never felt that way would have the ability to imagine it, even if their imagination was as great as Anne’s. 

The Princess Cordelia scene reminds me an awful lot of the Beltane scene in season 3 and I’m not even sure why.

I cannot believe Marilla just threw that beautiful branch into the fire. I also cannot believe how much she has changed in the course of 3 seasons. I’m glad she has, but it pains me almost on a physical level to go back now. 

“You can’t make up family, only kin is kin.” In a show that goes on to have such a strong emphasis on found family. We have started from the very bottom, indeed.

Anne’s opinion of Matthew is my opinion of Matthew. I live and would die for that man. 

“Red-headed people can’t wear pink”? I have a few examples on my mind that prove otherwise. 

Anne saying she would never have a chance to be a child breaks my heart... it doesn’t mean just that she thinks she’ll never be someone’s child. It also means she’s spent all her childhood growing up too fast. This poor child deserves all the happiness in the world. 

I am terrified of dogs and this scene - the only one where we see a dog on screen, as far as I can remember, does not give me a single reason not to be. But I guess everyone in that scene is lucky that Anne’s nothing like me in that respect.

Even 1x1 Marilla is not cold-hearted enough to leave Anne with that awful woman and her poor babies. 

“I aught not to decide on anything without consulting him.” Well, that is new for certain. I see we’re improving already. 

Anne’s description of how she would pray makes me feel she’d make a very good pagan. The “come to me, Muse” in season 2 and the Belthane scene is season 3 are further proof of that for me. 

I’ve always loved that “Eggs!” scene... and the fact that Anne expected to be introduced to all the chickens had she not introduced herself to them... she really is a friend to all living beings.

Carrots... I had forgotten Rachel was the first to call Anne’s hair that. It sounds totally different coming from her than from Gilbert, that’s for sure.

Anne’s reaction to Rachel is my reaction to Rachel in this scene. She cannot be blamed for reacting that way, and yet she’ll be forced to apologise. It just so happens that this is not her last time apologising for telling the truth.  

Ah, I see we’re there. At that cliff, looking out at the great sea... in such terrible circumstances, though. There really are worse things than hurt feelings, and Anne has been through some of those, and yet she ends up in this place for the first time precisely because of hurt feelings. How poetic.

Anne’s apology has been a favourite of mine since I first read it in the book, and Amybeth’s delivery was absolutely splendid. But I have to say, Rachel did kind of redeem herself with that auburn hair story. 

Oh my, Jerry is there. Now Anne will really go off again.

I can’t, I just can’t even! Look at my baby, he is so tiny. Little did I know back when I saw him first that he would grow on me so much. His first interaction with Anne, though... once again, we’ve truly started from the bottom. And to think we almost went back there in 3x10...

That little tug at Anne’s sleeve... and the callback to it in 3x8... I just love Matthew and Anne’s relationship.

Mr. Barry is there. Oh my, oh my. I see the Barrys’ opinion of Anne used to be no different than their opinion on Jerry. I still cannot understand why accepting her, but not him, would ever be ok. 

I can’t even look. Those awful girls were... well, awful. I can’t even look at them.

My, Diana almost looks boring compared to her season 3 self. But it’s not her fault. 

I’m going to cry... I just witnessed, for the second time, the birth of DiAnne. 

The brooch storyline, however brief, is one of those that make me cry every time I even think of them... Marilla was way too harsh with Anne and she knows it now. 

The end of this episode is a perfect reflection of the beginning... except the beginning was hopeful and the end is desperate. I’m a sucker for framing devices, but not like this, no.

To sum up, in this episode we saw: the arrival of Anne literally lights up Green Gables; Matthew Cuthbert puts his foot down for once in his life; dreadful scenes of Anne’s past; Rachel sticks her nose in other people’s business - no surprises there; Anne is a feminist since day one; Anne’s opinion of Matthew and Rachel is most of the fandom’s opinion of Matthew and Rachel; Anne and Jerry are off to a bad start, which will change soon; Anne and Diana are off to a good start, which will, unfortunately, also change soon; a brilliant framing device, the first of many.