#i just really like a good lion. very good animal for a fella to be

[mo-ok]

🦁 Lion 🦁

maybe one day i'll get around to shading them lmao

[windienine]

YOU. Kicks my legs like we're at a sleepover. Who was the character u were posting about in the tags.. spill..

kicking my legs back, ready to paint your nails at any time soooooo

okay i already dedicated a whole 2k word post to his partner goddess weird animal who bites him sometimes personal jester friend (?) Ysmé, so this time I'm going to spill about Loïc Ard from Soul of Sovereignty (prelude), an hour-long adult fantasy visual novel preview (< link here) that arrived on itch late last year courtesy of webcomic artist GGDG (if you're familiar with Lady of the Shard or CQ, you know their work)

So. This idiot.

look at this character design. the people hunger for men with strong cheekbones and glasses. look at the robes that attach at the fucking fingertips to draw attention to the position of his hands.

He's very soft-spoken and sweet. He knows a lot about the history of his world, as well as the biology of what lives there. He's staggeringly generous to others, even complete strangers. He's good at cooking. He knows how to sing.

He's the viewpoint character for the lion's share of the story atm, we get to look into his brain a little more often than Ysmé's for reasons that Will Become Rapidly Apparent As You Play.

Loïc is a middle-aged guy (late 30s? early 40s?) who works in an unofficial capacity at an inn in bugfuck nowhere (Tarn, a northerly village miles from anywhere else and regularly frozen solid by blizzards, with a population of Not Enough To Maintain Infrastructure), helping to cook, clean, and care for its mostly non-paying clientele, who his friend Alma, the proprietress, is allowing to stay for free. It's become a glorified sickhouse and shelter. No one is paying to stay in Tarn, but Alma can't turn her back on what she considers her hometown and Loïc can't turn his back on Alma (and he's here for other reasons too) so the inn is just kind of slowly decaying as conditions get less and less profitable. This sucks.

Especially because Tarn was built less than a century ago as an adventurers' hub for treasure hunting squads looking to uncover temples and relics right nearby, and the inn used to be full of good people and good food and fire and light and Alma wants all that back so bad it hurts and she refuses to say it's cooked and move back to the big city (in this case, the Mosaic, an ark-like vertical metropolis that housed humanity for hundreds of years after their world's apocalypse. After the outside was deemed safe again a century back, many people wanted to try and make a living documenting and salvaging stuff... but most of it turned out to be decayed, empty, and/or worthless, after so much time had passed.) The Mosaic is bright and lively, but it's a restrictive place to live for a lot of people-- cultures outside the dominant (very fantasy-Catholic) one are suppressed and the focus on making money to survive is exhausting.

But Loïc makes things a little less miserable. He's got a calm and pleasant bearing, he brightens up the place with flowers and greenery he manages to get growing even in this climate (he's a florist), and he's someone to talk to. He's witty, he's thoughtful, and he's almost a little too willing to dedicate all of his time and energy to helping people, and overall he's this mundane nice fella... with one big caveat you learn real early on.

Loïc is a mage, and a really unique sort.

The floristry bit isn't just his job or a characterization quirk, it's the whole basis of his magic. Species of flowers in this world each hold a unique concept-- fire (pallisia), calm (lavender), light (white dawn's eye), mundanity (dandelion), memory (cloud sage), you name it, there's probably some obscure botanical species that represents something in the ballpark of it. A god of language (Fayim) allegedly imbued a meaning into each, and if you can commune and reflect and experiment around hard enough to unravel the concept of one, you can turn that concept into something real.

Think of it like magical linguistics -- [correct flower] + [expressed meaning] = [physical effect], like [correct phonetics] + [contextual meaning] = [language]. You can even chain a couple of them to make a more complex spell, like turning words into compounds, phrases, and sentences, but you do have to understand what it actually means to do so. You're forming a connection to Fayim's power by talking. This burns up the flower, but Loïc's extreme dedication to botany means that he's got a regular supply of the spells he uses most often.

Loïc can hand you a golden pallisia blossom, start waxing poetic about the nature of warmth, and the firelight kept inside will radiate out and keep you comfortable even in Tarn's frigid weather. It's rare and potent stuff, doubly so because worship of Fayim is dwindling-to-nonexistent in the Mosaic, where the only faith and magic most people are familiar with at all are those revering the Builder, the creator deity who erected the Mosaic and saved humanity from the apocalypse in the first place. Everything else? False gods. Loïc himself doesn't worship Fayim or the Builder; he uses Fayimic magic but is pretty disconnected from his own background + faith in general. He's interested in the theology but doesn't use prayers in his invocation if he can help it.

Magic's not foreign to this world (most people in this world know at least a little artisanry, a more logical and physical approach to magic which lets you stitch together bespoke objects out of thin air, used heavily in both art and industry), but flower reading is a rare and dying language. Loïc's cute little flower shop back in the Mosaic was also a spell broker for people in need of small miracles. Given that the Mosaic worships a creator deity, I guess this implies that magic, generally, is something humans tap into extant divinity to borrow.

So, Loïc is holed up in Tarn studying magic and using mending spells (yellow rose) to cure people of minor injuries, but everything goes to hell when a certain sickly blonde washes up at the inn's doorstep begging for help escorting her to a nearby temple please please you gotta, she'll die from turbo tuberculosis otherwise, god (not the builder, some other guy, don't ask who) said so. Oh my gosh, you will? Thank you so muchhhhhh

[paraphrased very hard]

alma: this is definitely a scam of some kind. please just talk her out of this so she doesn't get eaten by mutant wolves.

loïc: oh for sure but you don't try for scam this obvious unless you're really desperate. idk what she even wants here, let me feel her out. i have nothing worth robbing. maybe this is a trauma thing or a money thing and i can talk to her about it.

alma: loïc, that's literally not your problem. loïc there's this weird pattern where you prioritize the hypothetical wants of strangers over your own proven needs. loïc no.

loïc: loïc yes

So, of course, it ends up coming out that Loïc is in Tarn specifically because he is a single father with a daughter named Lelia who is comatose from an unspecified illness. Her prognosis is extremely grim (low chance of survival that dwindles the longer she stays out, probably terminal.)

Specifically, he's on a hopeless little snipe hunt for a rumored species (the glass bell) that could act as a panacea for any illness, if harnessed correctly in a spell, and it might either be extinct or entirely fictitious.

He knows he can't find it alone. If it even exists, it is a needle in an impossibly massive haystack. He is consumed inside-out with a compulsive need to do something about it, and when that proves impossible, it starts spreading into a compulsive need to do something for anyone. The grief of admitting that Lia is already in a prolonged state of death would eat him alive, so if he can transfer that feeling of purpose onto anything else he can buoy himself. He is spinning his wheels because confronting the fact that he has outlived his own daughter and has to go on without her is impossible.

But like... he's dying slowly, too, in this state. Like Lia. Like Tarn. It's only a matter of time before there's nothing left of himself to give, and at the impetus of the story that's basically what he wants. There's nothing left for him.

... Unless...!!

OTHER THINGS:

would give blessings to his daughter every day before she went to school

apparently has a puppy and a kitty back home

loves lavender and sunflowers most

sometimes casts so hard he passes out

including other people and making his casting into a conversation is a quirk he does and that's just super cute

carries pictures of his daughter around in his spellbook maes hughes style

besides his suspiciously alb-and-chasuble looking mage robes, wears an apron and skirt around the house + gg regularly draws him in cute dresses. this is a known victor's weakness.

the in-game glossary has botany notes from him, usually paired with him waxing poetic about each species' meaning. this nerd shit is a known victor's weakness.

you see his general bearing and a lot of people assume he's kind of this easily-flustered anxious disaster type, but he's actually very serene and difficult to get a rise out of. he'll play along with most jokes you try to throw at him. if he does actually freak out at any point, you know something is up.

we don't know what happened between him and his ex, but there are dialogue clues that point to it being weird and messy. he's played very interestingly as far as divorcee characters go (conflict-avoidant rather than desperate for love, wants to be the better person at every opportunity), what with being a man who has primary custody of his kid (and a good relationship with her!) and taking on a position that the audience would probably identify as more motherly than fatherly, in terms of western gender roles. there's this fun contrast where he's very confident in his looks and presentation and bearing (very charismatic guy!!), but a lot of that is traditionally feminine. he's just very genderous.

(all of this tragically forgoes the meat of his special connection to ysmé, but that is the core premise of the prelude and if i got into that here it would really and truly give away the whole plot. i need you to experience her for yourself. (for ten dollar.) if you do not have ten dollar i will stream the game for you and give GG an additional ten dollar. this is a threat.)

(what i WILL say is that if you read lady of the shard, looked at the "sexualized mind control" tw beforehand and went "well now i want to read it more and not less," there is a delicious taste of that here and it once again intersects heavily with themes of control and coercion over the self, skewed power dynamics, and the emotions that arise from them.)

whatever horseshit this confluence of circumstances makes you assume he will pull, i guarantee you it is not the full picture of what actually happens.

[poured-my-past-down-the-drain]

if your sister and her freak boyfriends were animals that were NOT the obvious (q cant be duck, glatt cant be ram, etc...) what would they be

OH!!! Good question 🤔

Wil likes cats a lot but ummmm. Possum :) little trash fellas with a funny face. Also they play dead when they feel threatened!! Wil just ACTUALLY died when she felt threatened, so that’s some kind of improvement :\

If a duck is off the table for Q, then I imagine other birds are too. So no swans, which would’ve been my second choice… He’s not really fluffy enough to be a lion, most of it is just feathers :( Maybe an octopus. They’re very crafty and smart, and sometimes make little tools 🤭 and they camouflage a little!! Which is fun, because Q likes to do silly voices and impressions 🥰🥰

Can we make Ghostbur a ghostfish? 🤭

Glatt. Salamander 😌 put him in a pocket. (Polar bear, actually, but it’s funny to call him a salamander 🤗)

[beanswrites]

Ranking all Disney men based on how good of a guy they actually are Pt.3

Welcome back all residents of Earth, Jupiter and Australia, to another part of the series where I simp for animated, mostly 2D men (in the continuation of this I will also be simping for women), formally known as me ranking Disney male characters on this list.

In the last one we have seen some pretty decent, but still not amazing characters, but that's about to change in about 10 seconds (depends on how fast you read). The next part will be the last part, so stay tuned to see who's on top!

Part 2 | Part 4

20. Prince Eric, from "The Little Mermaid"

You're gonna hate me for this one..

Okay, yeah, this guy over here is probably one of the most loved Disney men to exist. I even read somebody else's similar chart to mine where they put Eric ON TOP, and I feel that

Look, he's beautiful, really. Those deep blue eyes mixed with the black hair are very reasonable reasons to love him, but I've just never been obsessed with him. I do understand the hype, but I'm not feeling it.

Looks: 7/10 If I met a guy like this in real life, I'd be swooning HARD. He does have really pretty eyes.

Personality: 7/10 He's good. A little dumb, but still good. I mean, who doesn't like a cute doofus?

Overall score: 7/10

19. Prince Philip, from "The Sleeping Beauty"

THIS GUY !! THIS FREAKING GUY !!

Prince Philip is one of the hottest Disney character and that's that.

The only thing that has ever bothered me about this man is the fact that he doesn't understand the concept of consent. you can't just kiss her YOU FOOL-

But she didn't seem to mind (neither would I)

Looks: 7.25/10 Blondish hair, perfectly brown eyes.. To be honest, Philip is the ultimate original Disney prince and he could eat Florian and Henry for breakfast.

Personality: 7/10 I feel like nobody in this movie had much text except Maleficent and the fairies, but from what he did have, he's a good guy. Great singing voice too.

Overall score: 7,12/10

18. Hercules, from "Hercules"

Honey, you mean HUNK-ules?

She sure did, fellas.

But no like I love Herc, I really do, but this version of him has literately NOTHING to do with the actual Greek mythology. As a Greek mythology enthusiast some things in this movie were painfully inaccurate (like Hera being a loving mom), but I still think this movie deserved MULTIPLE Oscars.

Looks: 6.5/10 Listen, I do like beefy, but not THAT beefy. I love the fact that he had super strength even when he was skinny, he just decided to get jacked for the aesthetic. Plus his knees are drawn a bit weird.

Personality: 8/10 He's cute, clumsy, and somehow a complete dumbass, and we LOVE him for that. Probably one of the most down-to-earth heroes ever.

Overall score: 7.25/10

17. Kovu, from "The Lion King 2: Simba's pride"

Remember how I said that I'm not into lions?

Yeah, well, I lied.

I feel like Kovu was everyone's childhood crush, regardless of your sexuality

the only two people who do The Smolder™ that well is this fine lion over here and a certain thief (but more about that later)

Looks: 8/10 Yes, I did it. I gave a lion an 8/10. Am I proud? No. Am I ashamed? Certaintly. Would I do it again? Absolutely.

Personality: 7/10 Listen folks, it's been a LONG time since I've seen this movie. Like, a really long time. The only thing I do remember is that this movie was like 10928289192831 times better than the first one, all because of this dude. This lion over here is the original emo bad boy and some people are still mad about that.

Overall score: 7.5/10

16. Nick Wilde, from "Zootopia"

Remember that time when I said that this list is gonna have another fox on it?

Yeah, now's that time. It's called a hustle, sweetheart.

Honestly (again, in the most respectful way possible) if Nick Wilde isn't the hottest animated fox to ever exist then I do not know of such thing. Somehow they created a character so charismatic and generally awesome that people were able to look past the fact that he's a literal fox.

Looks: 7/10 I'm.. I'm confused?? I'm SURE he's not supposed to be this good looking. I'm sure they didn't MEAN for him to be this good looking.

Personality: 8/10 THIS MAN is one of the greatest examples of character development today. He really went from being a sarcastic jerk who resells ice cream on the streets to being A FREAKING POLICE OFFICER

Overall score: 7.5/10

15. Pietro Maximoff, from "Avangers: Age Of Ultron"

Yay, finally a Marvel character!

Even tho the Maximoff siblings are the greatest, and I REALLY love his accent

I just

I'm sorry

But you can't look me in the eye and tell me that he's the best looking man in Marvel

You can't!

Looks: 7.5/10 He's really cute with his blonde hair and blue eyes, but unfortunately there are some better characters on this list.

Personality: 7.5/10 Again, I really love him, but like.. Where's the ✨spice✨? Where's the ✨flavour✨?

Overall score: 7.5/10

14. Li Shang, from "Mulan"

Not to be rude or anything, but if you don't think that Shang is bisexual, you ARE wrong

I don't make the rules

He literately was in love with Mulan when he thought she was a dude

And we STAN him for that

Looks: 7.75/10 Mulan wasn't the only soldier that gasped when this man took his shirt off. Let that sink in.

Personality: 7.5/10 Listen, he is great, and really cool, but I just thought he was a bit... cold. Emotionally. There was no real love confession in this movie (a bit refreshing, but still weird), and he thaught me that the best way to say that you love someone is to just say:

"You fight good."

Overall score: 7.62/10

13. Camilo Madrigal, from "Encanto"

When I was first making this list, Encanto wasn't out and then I had to REARRANGE the entire thing just because of this wholesome man right here

shame on you, you cute bastard, SHAME

okay I really watched Encanto expecting to not fall for anyone🤡

Looks: 7.75/10 I CANNOT get over the smile. Plus his hair looks really fluffy and curly so that's really cute

Personality: 7.75/10 This man is the sassiest, best character in Encanto. Yeah, SURE, he does only get a couple of minutes of screen time in the movie, but those are THE BEST minutes of the movie

Overall score: 7.75/10

12. Tony Stark, from "Iron Man"

Ah yes, the Marvel billionare playboy.

I remember when I first watched Iron Man 1 and I thought that I wasn't gonna fall for him because I thought that liking him was "basic"

Well, by that logic, now I have to introduce myself as "the most basic bitch ever"

CAUSE I LOVE THIS GUY

Looks: 7.75/10 He's a good looking fella, I completely understand why women basically fall at his feet, but at least, for me, his personality is really what makes him hot.

Personality: 8/10 This man is not only the CEO of Stark Industries, but he's also the CEO of being super extra mega sarcastic and cocky. We, as a whole, love him for that. Usually I cringe at the "playboy billionare" type but this man does it SO WELL it's impossible to hate him

Overall score: 7.87/10

11. Prince Adam, from "Beauty and The Beast"

Yeah, I definately had to rate Beast and Adam seperately.

My four-year-old ass was SHOOKETH when I saw how different he was when a human. Have to admit, I still do.

Looks: 8.5/10 This is a HUGE improvement. I like how they kept his big blue eyes, and kind of kept his mane by giving him long hair, but also lost the horns.

Personality: 7/10 If you read the last part, you know what I think of him. I LIVE for his character development, and I genuinenly think that he was just a lonely guy (with undiagnosed anger issues) who needed a bit of love.

Overall score: 7.87/10

--

Welp, there you have it. The last part will be the guys I ACTUALLY simp for, so ya know.. Check it out if you wanna see who gets number one!

Also, long time no post. I'm sorry to everyone who expected new fics and headcanons, shool just started for me, so it's hard focusing on schoolwork and posting. I will be more consistent tho, I promise!

[maddie-grove]

Little Book Review: Water for Elephants

Author: Sara Gruen.

Publication Date: 2006.

Genre: Historical fiction.

Premise: In the middle of the Great Depression, veterinary student Jacob Jankowski is forced to drop out of school after the sudden, tragic death of his parents. Grief-stricken and directionless, he hops a train in the middle of the night, only to discover that it belongs to a third-rate circus. Roped into doctoring the circus animals, he soon finds himself pining for Marlena, a beautiful equestrian who's married to the volatile animal trainer. Also, there's just a lot of fucked-up shit happening.

Thoughts: I didn't think this was the best book ever, but I was really charmed by it. I feel like it's the kind of book that a guy in a 1940s Hollywood movie would write. "See, it's about this fella who has to join the circus after he loses all his dough," the guy would explain, Jimmy-Stewart-like, "and he falls in love with this dame, and she's beautiful, but she's married to the lion tamer! Ah, it'll never sell."

In execution, it's ultimately a really sweet story. Jacob and Marlena are good-hearted people who hold off giving into their feelings until Marlena's marriage is truly unsalvageable, and they get a happy ending with a decades-long marriage, lots of babies, and even the elephant they both adore and try so hard to save. I like that things turn out so thoroughly well for them*--I genuinely wasn't expecting it.

The novel doesn't do as well when it tries to be gritty. Some bits feel gratuitous: not in the sense that I was offended by, say, Jacob's possible threesome with the hoochie-coochie tent lady and her friend, but in the sense that it didn't seem to fit into the story. (Also, you don't actually see what happened, and probably nothing happened.) Other parts, such as the luridly abusive labor practices, could've added some real tension to counteract the sweetness of the lovers, but Gruen divides her attention too much between the two circus villains without ever really exploring their dynamic. She really needed to commit to making this a frank and earthy book, is what I'm saying. However, the saddest example of grit (the accidental poisoning of an alcoholic laborer due to cruel Prohibition laws) is very effective.

*Give or take the framing device in which Jacob is an elderly widower in a nursing home, but it seems like Marlena lived until her eighties.

Hot Goodreads Take: "Modern-day, therapy-driven (dare I say 'touchy-feely') sentiment pervades the entire story, especially those parts set in the 1930s. The book teaches (and remember, this is a book meant for adults, not children) such valuable lessons as: treating the elderly with respect is important; racism and antisemitism are wrong; violence against women is wrong; being cruel to animals (or even thinking of them as less important than people) is wrong; all people are important, not matter what there is; little people (dwarfs) have a difficult time in the world and deserve or respect; etc."

Like...there is so much to unpack here, so I am just going to focus on the "treating the elderly with respect" part. When does this reviewer think respecting the elderly was invented as a concept? 1965? 1993? I feel like it's in the Bible or something. Also, the book is narrated by Jacob at ninety-three. Is he really going to say that he sucks and shouldn't be respected?

[reimahowaido]

Spyro: Reignited review part 4.5

Great to start the evening/night off with something I love~~ So let's talk about those Peace Keeper Dragons, shall we~? Titan - What an introduction! This man is rearing to go! Or should I say, roaring to go. You know I had to make that pun~ Aaaah, buddy yeeeees~ I love the purple/magenta/flirt color they used for the accents along with the orange. He's got a nice axe and a great voice and everything about this design is so gooood. Even that exit animation~ I've not mentioned them a lot so far, but some of those are great too. Really embodies that feel you get when you enter the second homeworld Magnus - Big boiiiiii. He's Full of personality! And I enjoy his colors too. They really got those sumo wrestler vibes right on him and honestly I do really like him, he's greeeeat~ I think I might like him more than I did at first. He's definitely grown on me Gunnar - First of all, love the eyepatch. I'll always love eyepatch wearing characters. That's just Aesthetics.jpg to me~ Not to mention that that's a nice color scheme, and good voice - as seems to be the common thing with most these dragons xD A bit too many teeth and face spikes for my liking, but he's good

Conan - From a simple 'Thank you for releasing me' to someone I actually remember~ Not a favourite design, but I do recognize this reference. Didn't read the books, but I remember the Donald Duck comics on Don Quijote (*Proceeds to google name to know how to write that*). The fact he's facing the wrong way at first is brilliant too. Simple but shows that they really put a lot of love and effort into these games~ Although I Do Really like that wing color Boris - "Dry Canyon rewards good gliders" Don't remind meeee. Boris nooo I suck at gliding. A lot of people seem to like his design too, and yeah it's nice, the little rattle snake tail, the bull horns and the bell. Yeah I can kinda see what they were going for. He's alright, I like the wing colors again and he fine, but bruh, gliding. His voice is very nice too though, I can't lie Ivor - Honestly probably one of my favourites of the older elder dragons. He's got that design theme around an old bomber, he sounds nice and his attempt at remembering and saying something nice to Spyro is pretty wholesome. I like this fella. Oh, and it looks like at the end when he's supposed to leave, he sneezes, in the direction of the bomb he's holding so carefully. Uh oh. Uh oh Ivor. We all better hope he either doesn't have fire breath or that he's veteran enough with those bombs to not let such an accident happen. Because if not, oh no Maximos -Heeeere comes one cute big boi~ I did go and check on what I wrote before, I cheated on myself, R.I.P. but I still agree, he does look like a pitbull/bull terrier in a way. Tiny wings for a big boi~ He knows how to appreciate good well seasoned food and we love him for that. I'm not angry at him for being at a place where it wasn't exactly all that easy to get to because I was able to get there first try (and then I died and/or failed several times and had to go get the key again, woop). I like him, and especially that little "Oh, oh I got a little carried away didn't I." feel at the end Halvor - Yeeeee I like him~ He's really cute with his big ram headed hammer. I know that's probably not the first thing that people think of when it comes to Halvor, but I freaking love the lean/hugging of the hammer at the end of his speech. Also he's got a kinda unique color scheme. I like this fella, I dooo Enzo - Not a lot of time to take in this dude's whole design, we don't see or hear a lot of him. I gotta admit I'm not personally a biiiig fan of that chin. Not the worst design I don't think, and the crossbow is cool, even if you only really see a small glimce of it as he's leaving Marco - Slinky lanky prosthetics boi~ Representation here he is~ And he has a halberd too~ I love these little things they're greatttt. He's nice too, gives off some weapon crafter feel to be honest. Yeah he's not as big or buff as the others, but the variety makes me like him more Ulric - Lots of dragons in Ice Cavern, and the first one of them is red, nice contrasting color to be honest. He's got great animations. Not the most memorable to me, but not bad either. He's another fella who is very much fine Todor - But let's be honest, the real reason why anyone else in Ice Caverns loses some of their shine is because Todor Is Here~ Yeeee he my favourite, I really like him ok? Long lanky boi, with big feathery wings that have a very pretty gradient. Nice light blue color, fur, big bow, he's got actual ears, antlers as horns..... Yeah, He's great. I like this fella a lot. Sneaky man giving Spyro some hints. He wink. His releasing animation kinda looks like he was peering upwards as if to go 'yo what is that' so he was seemingly paying attention and aware of what was going on. And at the end he takes his bow and seemingly readies himself to go get stuff done. Love him, love him so much. The only thing I'm not 110% on is the goatie. Not the biggest fan of goaties, sorry ya'll. So, a, part of me is like... What if he has ice breath instead of a fire one? That goatie looks a little like it's frozen, so maybe it's just ice stuck to his chin. Or not but you know! And again, I love

this whole thing where there are different bodytypes for the dragons. Seeing the slimmer fellas among all the big buff bois is refreshing, makes Todor all the greater and more unique to me Andor - Another 'thank you for releasing me' dragon. I like the necklace he was given, it's big and bold and adds a nice little thing to the design itself (wow those words are contradictory, big little, I English, Yes). Big lion tail, he's very polite as he bows. Doesn't do a lot, but I like the design regardless Asher - And another few worded fella with some added lines this time. I kinda get a feeling he was about to get to some life lessons or such and the other Ice Cavern dragons just scattered - makes you feel a little bad for the fella. There's a lot of them in the level, so I kinda see them all as a unit, where the younger dragons are a little unruly, perhaps a tad over confident or narcissistic (Ulric boasts on his size, Todor is sneaky, Andor is polite but will sneak away with the others when a chance is given, Ragnar starts his talk off with a whole 'I, me, I am pretty great ain't I' so he falls under the stuff too. Andor is the least troubling of them all, but they're a bit of a team of rascals. Capable and get their job done, but a little unruly at times, which is why Asher is there. I feel. I've made a whole story of their relations now xD) Asher is fine, he's fine. He's got a lot on his hands Ragnar - I like his design. The smoke from his nostrils is a nice detail and gives him some uniqueness. The hothead of the team? Maybe? Certainly a fire breather though, keeps the place and others warm. I dunno what else to say, I like him in his simplicity Trondo - This man got attitude. Very expressive. Cool weapon bro, also a slightly sneaky hint on 'watch his back'. He's fine, decent, I do like him too and there's some unique feel to him. Not up there in my favourites, but I'd say like solid middle ground or such? Man, I should be doing one of those tier lists now shouldn't I. Oh boy

[obaewankenope]

on the ranking of angels

the whole ranking of angels kinda comes from one guy: pseudo-dionysius the areopagite from 5th century ad, this dude gave us the basis for ranking angels in groups, levels, grades, choirs etc

we don’t really know who tf he was since he literally just made himself out to be some psuedo version of dionysius (because we obviously needed another dionysius in human history) and i’d love to time travel and kick him in the nads if i could.

anyway. so yeah. ranking angels. 

my upbringing is catholic and i went to communion and read that godsawful bible and blah-blah and so on so like, a lot of my own understanding stems from that and then the deranged Research Frenzies i’m known for. this means i’ve done learning about this topic and generally, i feel like there’s a bit of a... misunderstanding in the good omens fandom as to where aziraphale, crowley (as raphael or not), gabriel and co seem to land in terms of ranks and power levels.

cherubim, seraphim, archangels... fancy words we sort of know but don’t really Get. time to get em.

.

F I R S T  S P H E R E

saraph/seraph-im:

according to tradition, these boys are top dog in christian theology but fifth in jewish. my memory serves to remind me that archangels are also seraphim and that the three main types of angels are cherubs, saraph, and thrones with the other spheres being more titles for them to have on top of that. i’ve read online where the archangels michael, gabriel, and samael/lucifer are either saraph or cherubs but this is... well, thanks to pseudo-dionysius, not exactly easy to frickin’ parse. the book of isaiah describes saraphs as having six wings (two on the back, two hiding the face, two at the feet/genitals).

this means that gabriel, lucifer, michael, uriel and even sandalphon (dude why no ‘iel’ on the end, it’s sad) are higher ranks than aziraphale in terms of sheer power even if they may be outranked by aziraphale regarding humans proper. make sense? nope? not surprising.

cherub-im:

cherubs attend to god and are also kinda shoved into the joyous role of guarding eden. in jewish theology, cherubs are either second or third lowest ranked (eighth or ninth) compared to the saraphs who are middle of the way. it’s from cherubs -- described in the book of ezekiel -- that we have that many faced, multi-winged conception of angels btw. usually a lion, ox, human, and eagle to represent all types of animals (where’s the snake you say? crowley nicked it... probably). thanks to some later western christian traditions we kinda see cherubs as plump, little, babies with those bows with love-heart arrows (probably crowley’s doing to piss aziraphale off). cherubs do have two pairs of wings (four in total) compared to the six that saraphs have, making them different at least there.

so aziraphale being a cherub makes sense. but he’s gonna be second-tier to saraphs like gab’ and co thus he does still obey gabriel as and when required--only in regards to humans can aziraphale kinda disobey because principality trumps archangel with humans but again, gabriel has more pull in heaven and can still punish him (plus gabriel is an asshole in the show and is Just Like That)

thrones aka ophanim:

these fellas are kinda just guards of gods throne. they’re called thrones or galgalim (refers to ezekiel’s wheels during his vision of the chariot). a dead sea scroll calls them angels and puts them below saraphs and cherubs while the book of enoch says they never sleep (like saraphs and cherubs) and guard god’s throne. i can’t really find any names ascribed to this group but are associated with meting out divine justice and maintain cosmic harmony.

i can only imagine how Done they are with crowley over him stopping time...

.

i’m just gonna straight up skip the second sphere because, well; dominions organise lower angels and keep things ticking over; virtues are the sign post makers of divine shit; and powers/authorities just watch a lot and keep things running along on a cosmic scale. so, administrators. literally. poor civil servants of heaven. they probably don’t even get a decent pay.

.

the third sphere is what we’re interested in anyway, because of the whole “principalities outrank archangels tho” stuff. so here we are

.

T H I R D  S P H E R E

principalities:

principalities/rulers are guides and protectors of nations and institutions. so you’d have a principality guarding the catholic church, one covering the orthodox church, another who deals with maybe protecting italy and so on. aziraphale is the principality of the eastern gate of eden, that- that’s a pretty big thing. principalities wear crowns and carry sceptres, and carry out the orders given to them by upper sphere angels.

in canon, aziraphale is a principality, but i can’t recall him being called anything. i’m not sure if it’s fandom deciding here’s a cherub or not, ignoring the spheres or not, or whatever, but he doesn’t Really rank above gabriel. gaiman himself made a note of the difference between Archangels and archangels - the capital A makes the difference. so see seraphs as Archangels and third sphere archangels as the generic boys. 

in my mind, gabriel and michael -- as pretty much the only really named archangels in christian theology -- are the Archangels whilst sandalphon and uriel are archangels. so aziraphale can ignore two of the four but not michael or gabriel outright (we’re not discussing the disobedience by avoidance tactic he employs a lot). expanding the Archangel category to include maybe Raphael (angel of healing) and Azrael (angel of death) works too, but generally, aziraphale can’t disobey direct orders from them because they are his bosses. unless -- and this is the thing -- it comes to something involving His Specific Principality. but being the principality of eden is... well, eden doesn’t exist anymore. some major mental gymnastics would be required for aziraphale to decide Earth Is Eden Thus Earth Is My Principality SUCK IT GABRIEL and ignore heaven... actually... this might well explain a fair amount of his behaviour lmao. someone else can play with That tho. 

archangels:

funnily enough, archangels aren’t mentioned in the bible more than two or three times. in christianity, gabriel is called an archangel but there’s actually nothing in the bible to support that. michael is called an archangel in the new testament tho. the word means “chief angel” coming from greek archein for first in rank or power -- hence why it’s a bit odd for archangels to be ranked below others. archangel is only ever a singular term and used Only for michael btw. 

but in the book of tobit/tobias, we get an archangel raphael, an archangel uriel is also brought up in anglican and russian orthodox religions. raphael isn’t really considered a Canon angel outside of roman catholicism (my lot btw), eastern orthodox and anglicans, whilst uriel isn’t mentioned in the western christian bible at all. 

raphael gives us the idea of seven archangels btw - from the book of tobit where he says he’s “one of the seven who stand before the Lord”. 

in the books of enoch and revelations, we’re told that there are seven spirits of god that stand before the throne and some interpretations have the seven archangels as those seven spirits.

depending on the theological tradition, the names of the archangels vary. the ones i know of as roman catholic are gabriel, michael, and raphael (lucifer doesn’t count bc he’s fallen obvs), whereas eastern orthodox has seven and even an extra one depending: michael, gabriel, raphael, uriel, selaphiel/salathiel, jegudiel/jehudiel, barachiel, and jerahmeel/jeremiel.

the names vary depending on what faith you are but, generally, the three most common are gabriel, michael, and raphael - who are described as seraphim or cherubim and archangels as like their job title.

angels:

regular dudes. i cba even going Into This One Okay?

.

so all of this means that aziraphale is second to gabriel no matter what unless he does some awesome mental gymnastics and claims earth as eden and argues it’s his job to oversee it as fit (just imagine the vein in gabriel’s head popping from That Conversation).

aziraphale is definitely powerful, he’d have to be as a principality of eden - it’s kind of a Big Deal to be in charge of eden, even if you might share the job with three others - but he’s not quite as powerful as an archangel who is basically the second in command of heaven after god.

unless, as i’ve said, aziraphale draws on his position as a principality and uses That over gabriel who seems very set on his “i’m the fucking archangel gabriel” spiel lmao.

so yeah. this is just A Thing for me. idk if any one else feels this way about it all or not, but you can ignore me about all of this. i’m not an Authority on it and honestly, this is more to make sense of it all For Myself than to Tell Ya’ll How It Ought To Be.

[riding-alpacas]

Tierra del Fuego

My route through Patagonia leads me from south to north - starting in the southernmost city of the world: Ushuaia. As usual in South America there are some debates if this is really the southernmost city, given that there are a few more towns and villages further south in Chile. Population wise it certainly is one of the bigger southernmost places.

I didn't have the highest expectations when I came here. Ushuaia is clearly a very busy, touristy place in summer. Lots of cruise ships stop here and it is also the starting point for Antarctica expeditions. I considered doing one of those as well, but when I researched the cost and what kind of trip it would be, I backed off. They are ridiculously expensive and pretty much all of them are targeting a more senior audience. If Antartica still exists when I'm 60, I might consider it again at that age.

Closer to Straya than to Canada

On my first day there was only a limited amount of people in the hostel. Well, that's what I thought. It turned out that during the day almost nobody was in the hostel ever. In the mornings and evenings though the place was buzzing. In one of the Backpacker groups on Facebook I found Corinna who also just arrived in Ushuaia and was looking for hiking buddies. During the following days we spent the majority of our time together as we got along really well. It's a shame that we have very different plans for our time after Ushuaia, but we figured that we might meet again in Central America.

The first hike we attempted was the one to Laguna Esmeralda. It gave me a first taste of the landscape so far south on our wonderful planet. If I'd have to describe it with one word it would definitely be rugged. There is something quite harsh but beautiful about the environment here - which makes sense, given that we had hardly more than 15 degrees during the day and it's basically winter down here most of the time. The tree line is super low (500m or so), the brownish colour above it is quite unique and the mountain peaks are just spectacular. And best of all, it's all pretty much untouched.

Felt a bit like Lord of the Rings

The hike itself was a lot of fun but not only due to the beautiful surroundings. It was muddy like hell. Parts of it led through peat bogs which I never hiked through before. First we both tried to avoid getting into the mud as much as possible by doing ridiculous detours (we actually almost got lost on the first 500m in) but for me at least the tolerance limit got lower pretty quick. My boots were waterproof and in my hostel they had boot brush cleaners anyway. Walking through peat bogs was pretty weird at first. They have a spongy, springy texture and no matter how dry they look, once you step on it you basically press out a lot of water. The lake itself was pretty nice. Many of the lakes I saw in Canada had the same blue, milky colour but that doesn't make it any less beautiful. Unfortunately I wasn't super lucky with the weather during the whole week but again: It's still just beautiful being out there in the spectacular outdoors of the Land of Fire.

A little bit of mud

Mystic

Next day was rest day. And rest day usually means checking out town and its museums. The first museum I tried was an old prison that Ushuaia is famous for. They've split it up into multiple sections, grouped by topic. I was very disappointed. Firstly, it was totally overpriced and secondly it was just... random. I expected some sort of golden thread when walking through the different prison cells but it felt just like a random collection of stuff. And it wasn't even good stuff. I was hoping to learn a little bit about the history of Ushuaia, the indigenous people who lived here etc. but it was very underwhelming. On the way to the city I had a quick look at a "museum" about the Islas Malvinas which was a huge flop, too so I almost skipped the last museum I had in mind. But thankfully I didn't because that one was finally a good one. Historia Fueguina tells four storylines that are related to Ushuaia’s history:

The indigenous people

One of the first European expeditions

The prison

An unbelievable rescue story about Ernest Shackleton and the Endurance

You wander from section to section, each one consisting of life-sized historic figures while listening to the story on the free audio guides. Most of the exhibits can be entered and you can pose for pictures. It was quite quirky but very educational and a lot of fun. Spoiler: Most indigenous people are now eradicated because the Europeans brought diseases and bullets when they discovered gold in the area. Same shit, different country.

Almost as comfy as my hostel beds

Next thing I did was a little hike up to the local glacier in town: Glaciar Martial. I did this one by myself because I really wanted to start it early and Corinna didn't want to pay for the taxi. It's very popular and I wanted to avoid the crowds. Surprisingly life generally starts late here, mostly around 10am. For this one I left the hostel at 8 and was on my way up at 8:30. And I am very happy about my decision because I had the whole trek for myself. Initially I felt a bit meh about this hike. Most photos in the web are quite underwhelming and the start of the hike is basically just walking along a ski slope. Luckily one of my room mates told me about some side trails and that the hike generally is actually quite nice. I'm glad I listened to him. At the beginning I walked along a beautiful creek with some of the clearest water on earth. After getting to a little viewing area, I continued up to the actual glacier. It became quite steep here, but it also wasn't a particularly long section. At the top I had a wonderful view of Ushuaia and the Beagle Channel. I found a beautiful section where lots of small streams of water merged and just rested here for about 45 mins to soak in the view and some of the sun when it showed itself for a few seconds.

If I remember correctly this was also the very first time that I was making full use of my layering system. I started with my insulated jacket as it was pretty cold in the morning. Halfway through I added my windbreaker as it became quite windy above the tree line. On the way down it gradually became warmer but it also started raining, so I removed both jackets and changed into my rain jacket. Yes, you truly need a good layering system when in Patagonia.

Ushuaia and the Beagle Channel

More Lord of the Rings

The next day was the highlight of my time in Ushuaia. Corinna, the couple that she shared her Airbnb with and I rented a car and we made our way to the Tierra del Fuego National Park. Corinna and I had a crack at the Cerro Guanaco Trail which literally took our breath away. The hike starts at a glacial lake, then turns into a forrest and climbs up pretty steeply. After a while we reached a little viewpoint before going through some muddy terrain again. With the tree line behind us, we were now in pretty exposed and rugged territory and the trail became extremely steep. But we continued, slowly and steadily until we reached the top and a jaw-dropping view to all sides. We could see Ushuaia and the Beagle Channel in the distance, the glacial lake with some impressive mountains below us, ragged cliffs right next to us. It was just spectacular and very close to what I had in mind when thinking about Patagonia.

Ragged

My favourite view so far

Corinna and I

Beagle Channel

After our return we continued to explore the southern part of the National Park, took some dorky pictures at some touristy signs and returned back to Ushuaia. By the way: If I wouldn't know that the water is freezing cold down here I would just love to jump into all the little lakes and inlets here. The water is crystal clear and when the sun comes out and you actually feel a bit warm it is just too inviting...

The end of the road

Second best thing to do with these water conditions

Jump in!

What stroke us the most during our time down here was the very limited amount of wildlife on land. We saw a couple of brumbies (or whatever they call them here), some birds and a few flies, but that was basically it. No guanacos, no armadillos, not even a bloody worm or ant. I actually digged a little hole at one point to see if there is anything hidden in the soil but there wasn't anything. Corinna and I started building a theory that everything we saw was just fake and we were actually in some sort of TV show. I hope you are all very entertained by now!

The last activity I did was a rather disappointing one. Corinna had now left town and I decided to do a little trip to an island full of penguins and a cruise along the beagle channel on my last day. Little Penguins are quite common in Australia and I already saw a lot of them in Melbourne and on Phillip Island. I was hoping that the species they have here in Ushuaia would be a bit more different, but it turned out that the Magellanic Penguins (by far the biggest group of penguins here) are very, very similar. I also saw Gentoo Penguins and a King Penguin though, which was pretty cool. After spending about an hour on the island and some other random stuff on the way there (trees that were shaped by the wind, a museum about marine mammal skeletons (creepy (especially when they showed us the fresh carcasses (let's just add more brackets because I can)))) we started our cruise. And the cruise was just 100% meh. Towards the end we stopped at the famous lighthouse and at a few rocks with sea lion colonies but I guess I'm just too used to these animals so that in hindsights I'm a little angry with myself spending so much money on that activity.

Looks like it's a bit windy out here

The lady was very excited about skinning this skull

Gentoo Penguins

Spot the king!

Look at this ugly fella

That was my adventure at the end of the world. I started making some good friends and it was a great start to get to know Patagonia. Next up is El Chalten, the hiking capital of Argentina. Apparently they have really bad internet there, so it might get a little quiet here. Apart from that I also managed to get sick (Coronavirus?), so I'll probably have to rest a bit in the next few days.

I might meet Jean (who I met in the hostel) again in Bariloche

[inikavulpixelreviews]

Let’s Talk About Pokemon - The Popplio Family

728: Popplio

Our final starter for a long, long while is poor little Popplio. A lot like Oshawott, Popplio garnered a bit of distaste from fans. This ADORABLE little clownish sea-lion that cleverly blows balloon-like bubbles to bounce around like your stereotypical cartoon circus seal! HOW COULD Y'ALL.

Thankfully, like Oshawott, people did come around to appreciate it a lot more, but it still STINGS cause this lil fella didn't deserve such outrage in the first place. Just look at it! A lovingly simple design with a fun and simple motif because on a fun idea. A lovable little goober!

Personal Score: 8.5/10

THEY'RE A GOOD, OKAY.

729: Brionne

And then Brionne happened and people lost their minds again. What over this time? Simply because it was an effeminate design for a line of Pokemon with a gender ratio favoring males over females. And what of it? I've gone on this rant before. Even ignoring the whole gender-conforming thing, it's not like animals give a damn about human gender conformity. Cause  y'know, ants don't exactly look effeminate but that doesn't stop 99% of a colony's population from being girls. These days, being colorful and flamboyant is seen as “girly” but it’s almost universal across birds with gender bimorphism that the males are much more flashy looking than females.

Sorry, people that try to thrust gender as understood by society’s limited construct of what gender is onto fictional animals look really, really silly to me.

ANYWAY, Brionne at first gave me the usual starter mid-stage vibes where, say it with me, “it looks like an awkward teenage stage.” But something hit me along the way.

I feel like this is another case where the definitive official artwork doesn't do a Pokemon justice. Because rather consistently in both fanart and even offical media asside from the official art it looks far cuter to me. It definitely grew on me a lot more once fans got to drawing it. Brionne's not the only case where this has happened, but it's one of the most notable examples of when it has. It is a rather simple build-up off of Popplio, but I just like it. Much in the same way I like 'mons like Flaaffy. They're just. Adorable! I want one! And I'll hug it! And a take that simple is plenty valid for me.

Personal Score: 9/10

Cutie!

730: Primarina

As far as mythical creatures in Pokemon go, a mermaid feels like it's been a LOOOOONG time coming hasn't it? And meshing that idea with a sealion feels like an “Oh d'uh!” moment when you realize the obvious tie between the two. I am somewhat bummed that we've missed out on a big circus critter with the clown motif pretty much gone entirely, but you can look at it as a shift into another type of entertainment, from performance to opera? It's a stretch but it's sorta there.

...But in the end, I can't bring myself to be upset about it much at all simply because then Primarina wouldn't exist. Because here it becomes one of the prettiest dang Pokemon out there with a flowing head of hair, lots of nice shaping and a lovely siren-sorta feel to it. All paired into giving it a focus on singing-type of attacks.

Not even to mention had certain undertones not existed in this line, my trouble with self-discovery might’ve lasted longer, if you catch my drift. I know I’m far from alone on that.

This Pokemon is what made it tough trying to pick between Rowlet and Popplio. Both lines are so dang good but you only get ONE. It's just easily one of the better water-type fully-evolved starters for its design. And especially rather selfishly how it goes from an awkward little child-thing into a gorgeous sea-lion girl it always wanted to be. Wink wink nudge nudge. YES That's projecting a little bit but what trans fan of Primarina hasn't?

Personal Score: 10/10

Totally AMAZING

Overall:

...So yeah! Easily our strongest group of starter Pokemon to date. I will be thoroughly surprised if they'll ever be able to top these three. You'd have to make the Fire starter a ten-outta-tenner I suppose. But either way, Gen 7 just wins on all fronts here. Each starter has a ton of personality to them and have very nice and lovable designs. Hats off to you three!

[Archive]

[a-rdentlyy]

*finger guns* fuck vld s8 B)

I was incapable to do my final projects until I wrote down all my feelings. VLD is trash, but I’m sadly obsessed with it, dear god just end my suffering. Just to be clear, I also have some (very few) good things to say about this season but those will be at the end.

Cons

lol the whole fucking season

Pretty much everything concerning Lance was about Allura, nothing about his own personal growth except when talking to Keith

Sunset talk was romantic as FUCK and Keith spoke about how great Lance was and was just so fucking soft the whole time

Sitting at the table and confiding in each other about personal growth had me tearing up tbh

Literally episode one was extremely gay

Like, super gay

Lance and Allura have an awkward date, which was honestly pretty cute, EXCEPT for when Lance suddenly tells her he loves her and she’s just like “i mean ok i guess” and they kiss????????????

What the hell??????????

And why the fuck did Lance choose to seek solace in Keith when he was worried about his “date”??????? (hint: its gay fellas)

And then when Veronica asked about Keith and if he was single Lance literally freaked the fuck out for like 67493862988409 years

HUGE queerbait season and episode if you ask me :/

How the FUCK is Ezor still alive, I’m not complaining, but this was out of nowhere

The astral plane episode w the old paladins could have been so cool

Blaytz should have been with Lance, literally his whole speech about people underestimating him and “fucking having greatness within” is LITERALLY what Allura said to him in either season 5 or 6 (can’t remember and don’t really care about their interactions tbh)??????? Like??????? Give my boy some validation that isn’t centered around his romantic life?????

Alfor should have been with Allura. That’s her fucking dad and his whole “my daughter chose you cuz ur cool i guess” speech to Lance felt so flat and awkward, I hated it. Everything about Alfor’s speech would have been so much better if it wasn’t about how Allura liked him.

AND SHE DIDN’T EVEN CHOOSE LANCE, SHE CHOSE LOTOR AND SETTLED FOR LANCE BECAUSE HE WAS HER CONSTANT COMPANION

They did Lotor dirty, my trash son

Not a single bit of actual redemption

In the Honerva flashback episode could see how his parents tore him down. Zarkon destroying his first colony broke him.

Totally unresolved Lotura plotline. I really liked them together and they had genuine chemistry unlike the “main” bullshit ship of the season. Allura first tries to kill him in her nightmare and then immediately trusts him after he says like 2 words????????? Girl ain’t over her ex.

So was he actually evil and was really sucking out quinessence or was that plotline just never touched upon, cuz he tried to explain what was happening in s6 but was never really allowed to speak?????

The Altean colony was never really resolved???????

Like, who’s running it now??????

Altean/Farmer Lance

Don’t even talk to me about this shit

What the FUCK is with him suddenly becoming Altean????? Like, if he had, you know, some Altean descendents and his little markings were suddenly activated then i’d kind of get it

Also Lance has Altean markings now, because we just can’t let Lance move on from Allura and be happy can we

This ending was SUCH BULLSHIT. Lance has always wanted to be a pilot but now that some girl he liked is dead he wants to live on a farm w his family?????

I’m still not done with how they won’t just let Lance move on from Allura and be happy

He lives on Altea, of all places, so he’ll see her people everywhere

He has fucking Altean markings so he’ll be reminded of her every time he looks at himself in the mirror

Honerva seemed like such a good, complex villain but they just made her goal so fucking dumb

I figured she’d want to get Lotor back (which I dug because I’m always here for mother’s love n shit) plotlines, but suddenly she’s trying to get to an alternate universe?????? The fuck?????

And what the hell happened when she actually went to the AU, what the actual fuck

What a bitch, she’s still pissed at Allura even in this alternate reality

Lol AU baby Lotor telling Honerva how she sucks is incredible

Klance

Fucking gypped

So much build up

Where the hell is the “slow burn” endgame for Lance?????? Definitely not with Allura, that shit was rushed as hell

Literally so much chemistry between Keith and Lance

Allurance

I don’t actually hate Allurance

The writers just suck at doing their job and making good romantic relationships

Literally cringed at every scene where Allura and Lance interacted tho, it just felt so forced

When Lance said “my girlfriend” I actually had to stop watching and had to take a solid half hour to recover (I’m not even joking), it was the worst thing I had ever heard

HELLA rushed “i love you” to Allura. Lance, she’s the fucking best, I agree, but dude. You honestly don’t even really know each other that well (the demi in me is coming out lol)

Allura never once responded to Lance saying I love you until the very end, and even then it felt more like a platonic “I love who you are” deal. She definitely didn’t love Lance like he cared for her.

She even ended up dying and walked towards Lotor at the end, she still chose Lotor over Lance at the very end

And we just can’t let Lance have anything nice, can we

Lotura

“He was happy with you” fuckin Honerva speaking the truth for once

Literally one of the best ships that crashed and burned for no reason

Through this entire season you can still see Allura isn’t over Lotor

Allura, they did you so dirty as well

My wife

I’m so sorry for what they did to you

This amazing survivor of genocide that thought that she was the last survivor was killed off

They also ruined ur character tho, the real Allura would never have basically tortured the real Zarkon without quintessence poisoning

And you would have realized you don’t actually love Lance like that

Those goodbyes actually destroyed me at the end tho

“I’m gonna miss you Allura” BITCH ME TOO, THE FUCK

Shiro’s goodbye made me tear up the most

So she can create infinite realities because of her sacrifice except for one where she lives???????

And who’s leading the new Altea????? No one???? They never explain what happens with the actual colony that Lotor made and the current timeline

Holy shit I just realized we never actually found out if Lotor survived the quintessence field or not

I mean, almost certainly didn’t

But still, that shit’s important to tell us

Looked like a hawk carrying away a baby mouse

Shiro’s wedding was fucking bullshit

Like finally he can be happy

But god, give us fucking SOME development that isn’t damage control

At least I liked whoever he married in those background scenes despite never learning his name

MATT’S HAIRCUT IS A TRAVESTY at the end

He looks way better with long hair

What the fuck was with the lions just dipping??????????

Tbh that shit made me cry

And now they’re just chilling out in space??????

Pros

The beginning of the season was actually surprisingly really good? Like, I was nearly invested the whole time up until episode 8?????? And then it got fucking insane and weird with no explanation.

THE ANIMATION IS GORGEOUS

Baby Lotor was so fucking cute, I adore him.

Those small Klance scenes killed me

Keith supporting and validating everything Lance has done and just being a great bf in general

That romantic ass sunset scene (you CANNOT tell me that shit was platonic)

We could have had it all yo :(

Surprisingly really liked Kinkade’s vlog episode, it made me like the MFE pilots

I didn’t care about them at ALL in s7 but now I like them more

Just Kinkade and Rizavi tho

Some tasty VeronicaxAcxa shit

That’s lesbian activity

Thank god Bex was right when she said Kacxa wasn’t gonna be a thing

Old Paladin’s were pretty cool except for the bullshit talking

BAD. ASS. VOLTRON/ATLAS FUSION.

Thank GOD Galra Emperor Keith wasn’t a thing

Coran keeping Allura’s memory alive keeps me alive

HIS TOAST TO HER HAD ME CRYING

THEY REALLY WERE FAMILY

Thank god it doesn’t seem like Lance is insanely depressed a year after Allura’s death, this kid needs closure and to move on and find some semblance of happiness that doesn’t revolve around romance

Small Klance moments at the end

That fucking reunion at the end made me cry

At least we got a mlm kiss, even though it’s garbage :)

List of Those Done Dirty

ALLURA

Lance

Lotor

Shiro

Adam

The Whole Fucking Fandom

All in all, fuck v slur, 3/10 for the season and 4.5/10 for the whole show. Seasons 1-3 are the only canon seasons. Except for parts of Season 5 and 6. Those can stay.

Also Klance is Canon King.

[ask-jaghatai-khan]

The BF Reacts to the Primarchs

In which @asking-ask​ gives first impressions of all the Primarchs based on art I provided!

For each Primarch I listed the legion, name, and three pieces of art, two of which were always from Aerion’s Primarch Project, and the Iconoclasts portraits. Gonna be a long post, so just click the “read more” tab.

(I) Lion El’Johnson

His name’s Lynel! That’s incredible! The art looks so different, because the first guy looks like a fuckboi, but the third guy looks like Lucius Malfoy by book seven, and then the middle looks like Soldier 76 in fantasy. So I don’t really know how I feel about that guy. I like the first one, the other two not so much.

(III) Fulgrim

(I listed by legion.)

I was gonna say, three does not come after one. Fulgrim—I like the name. Once again it goes fuckboi—I mean it looks like a Tarot card, which is neat. I love the sword, it’s zippity. He looks like if you had a baby with Samus Aran and the entire Belmont clan! Like the power armor, but it’s still very fantasy-like. And once again, he’s like an old fuck.

(IV) Perturabo

I’ve been pronouncing it like “Pervtabo”, like a pervert, so I’m sorry. Ah, it’s Reinhardt! It’s Reinhardt but with Hanzo’s face. I didn’t know this was—oh, it’s Battlefield Earth! I didn’t know this was secretly Overwatch. Yeah, I don’t really like the cable-hair, but the second one where he looks like Reinhardt and Hanzo’s lovechild I’m super into. He’s got caution signs! “Look, I’m dangerous.”

(V) Jaghatai Khan

It’s yo boiiii! He looks like he’s straight out of Big Trouble in Little China. The lightning bolt thing frustrates the hell out of me because in every picture it’s in a slightly different place. So once again, electric sword, I’m super into it. He’s got a parchment like pinned to his armor? Yeah, no, you need like Gorilla Glue or something, you can’t just thumbtack it on there, that’s not how it works. I LOVE the color scheme though, that is slick. White and gold and crimson, that is legit.

(VI) Leman Russ

First thing I thought was Lemon Brothers, or Leman Brothers, or whatever. WOAH, dude, it’s the Scotsman! God, I’m seeing a theme with these swords, they’re all very similar. He’s got a wolf on his crotch. Is that your boy in the background?

(No, that’s a Sister of Silence.)

Disappointing. Yeah, I don’t know, this guy’s kinda I don’t know. He looks like he’s from Samurai Jack.

(He’s a Viking werewolf.)

Yeah, that’s pretty neat! Oh, I see! Well, at least in all of them he’s got a wolf on his crotch, so that’s cool. Continuity.

(VII) Rogal Dorn

Yeah no, that’s just straight-up Soldier 76. Like, I can’t even comment any further because it’s just him. He’s got like the 70s porn-stache.

(Friendly muttonchops.)

Friendly muttonchops? I like porn-stache better, though. Porn-stache-chops. And what—he’s also got paper on him! I like to think that’s a grocery list and he doesn’t want to lose it, so he pins it to his armor. Like he looks down, “Oh! Right, I forgot eggs.”

(VIII) Konrad Curze

Ooh, ooh… This is like if Grima survived and wanted to wreak his revenge on fantasy and sci-fi. He’s not an attractive lookin’ fella.

(Oof! People are gonna be mad at you.)

What? He’s not! He’s greasy looking! He needs a bath. He needs a trip to Lush, he needs fucking cosmetics, and moisturizer, and detangler, and—he needs a lot of work. I am not a fan. Though I do like the bloody claws, that’s pretty neat.

(IX) Sanguinius

Oh my god, this is a straight-up lost Belmont. He’s straight-up, y’know, “BY THE POWER OF THE CHURCH, I SLAY THEE, DEMON!” kinda type deal. Look at him! Look at him, he’s so fancy! Oh my god, he’s so beautiful.

(He’s got majestic wings.)

I see that. Are those attached to his armor, or…?

(No, those are his actual wings.)

WOAH! I would party with this dude. I would go to a club with him and get drunk, he he’d probably be like—I’d be in the corner crying and he’d be giving me life advice. That’s a misleading name, though, it doesn’t sound very happy. His name should be like—uh—Lord Goldmeyer, or something like that.

(X) Ferrus Manus

He reminds me of Cable.

(He has metal hands.)

Yeah, he’s Cable. He’s just straight-up Cable, from Deadpool. Can he teleport? Can he travel through time?

(I don’t think so.)

Disappointing. Work on that, and get back to me. Uh, and then team up with Deadpool. I like him, he seems pretty chill. I would trust him to house-sit. He looks like—he looks like a dependable dude. I’m goin’ off of looks here.

(XII) Angron

Uhh, that is one angry-looking fucker. Oh, another Battlefield Earth guy! He looks VERY angry. Mm, that’s a lot of blood. I do not trust this guy to house-sit. yeah, no thanks, I’ll pass.

(XIII) Roboute Guilliman

*gasp!* He’s got a sweet bird! Birds? Bird.

(Is it a two-headed bird? It might be a two-headed bird.)

That’d be pretty neat! I would be down with that. He kinda looks like what I assume Master Chief looks like. Like he’s kinda got that generic white dude face, but it’s war-torn. Like, this dude’s seen some shit. But, I don’t know—he still—I feel like he still has hope for the world, y’know? So he’s not Soldier 76, ‘cuz he’s given up. So I think he’s like Master Chief.

(XIV) Mortarion

Oh my god, how many of these are there? This dude looks like a straight-up Ringwraith, or some sort of wraith. Or uh—Darth Sideous, or Plagueis? Which one is the Emperor?

(Sidious?)

Yeah, there we go. Yeah, he looks like Sidious. Oh, that’s a wicked scythe, though! Oh, same. We should chill, but maybe not. No.

(XV) Magnus the Red

Yo! It’s Starfire’s older brother! I mean, he’s ginger and huge! Oh, I like this guy. He’s neat! And he’s got like—cool, purple rune powers.

(He’s a wizard.)

Aw, dude. Is that like, an army of automatons, or something?

(Uh—later, yeah!)

*gasp!* I would party with this guy! I want this guy to be my best friend.

(You’re so good at guessing some of this shit.)

I know my fantasy, yo!

(XVI) Horus Lupercal

Uh, he reminds me of, um, the animated version of Dr. Freeze.

(I should have included him when he’s at, like—max evil. He looks more like the second picture.)

Yeah, he legit looks like a different skin for the Batman Animated Dr. Freeze. And because of that I don’t trust him. Lotta eyes, a lot of people just have eyes on their armor. Do they serve any purpose, or are they just, like, cool?

(Uh, I think that’s the Eye of Terra. It was like a symbol they used.)

Oh, very neat, I like it.

(XVII) Lorgar Aurelian

Lotta bald dudes. And if they’re not bald they’ve got hair to their legs. Yo—OH, he makes me think of the Elder played by Leonard Nimoy from Atlantis!

(Oh yeah, the facial tattoos.)

Yeah! That’s cool! I—I trust him. I don’t know, just based on that; based on the fact that he reminds me of Leonard Nimoy as the Elder in Atlantis. I dunno, he strikes me as a chaotic-neutral. Just because he’s got a lot of, like, scary shit, but he’s also got incense and he’s got a book. So he probably knows how to fuck you up, but he probably also doesn’t care. So, that’s what I’m gleaning from how he looks.

(XVIII) Vulkan

Yooo! This dude—I would not fuck with this dude. He’s scary lookin’. He looks like someone left him in the fryer for too long. He’s a little toasty-lookin’. Not, like, trying to harsh on his personality, I’m just sayin’ that’s what he looks like.

(Would you believe me if I told you he’s the nicest guy of all of ‘em?)

Yeah, I could see that. He’s got a bit of a Drax vibe to him. Where he’s, like, really scary looking but I bet, y’know, you just met him and he offers you lemon squares. You’re like “I didn’t even know you could make lemon squares!”, and they’re pretty good lemon squares. He probably has a cat named Snuffles, that he really loves. But he could also kick your ass, so…

(XIX) Corvus Corax

I know this name, I’ve heard this name. Ah, it’s Wolverine! He’s got—his primary weapon is his nose, right? ‘Cuz he’s got a straight-up Ocarina of Time nose.

(He’s got a beak.)

Exactly! No, that’s not a nose; that’s a beak or a weapon. I love the color scheme! Like, a lot of these dudes have gold, but, like, gold in different places, which is really cool. Also, he’s got feathers, which is neat. So I’m into that.

(XX) Alpharius/Omegon

(Or “Alpharius Omegon”)

Are they the same person, or are they twins? What the fuck—?

(They do like a “I am Spartacus” thing. He’s got a twin brother nobody knows about.)

I hope they get along. Oh, that’s cool, they look like they’d get along. I like the mirrored scar thing, do you think they did that on purpose? I like to think one of them got scarred and the other one was like “Bro, you gotta cut up your face so that we look like mirror images of each other, ‘cuz that’d be neat!” I dunno, mm— there’s something—unsettling that, I don’t know, it creeps me out a little bit. Ehh. Naw, I don’t like ‘em.

Final Thoughts

I think out of all of these, I like Vulkan, because you said he’s chill; and I like Lllorgar, because he’s, like, I dunno. There’s a vibe about him, where I’m like “Yeah, you seem like a neat dude!” Uh, who else? And I want Magnus the Red to be my BFF. I wanna chill with him on the weekends and if I have any crazy house parties he’s the first person I’m calling up, because I know everyone’s gonna get fucked up. Like, that is LEGIT. I trust him with my booze, and I trust him with anything. Um, and I’m trying to think—I don’t like the greasy guy; and I feel like Sang-Sangweenus? Sanguinius, that guy, he’s cool too. Though I don’t know, I feel like if I tried to hang out with him he’d just—I’d form a guilt complex. Like, he probably eats really well and works out and has a spice garden…

(He’s Rob Lowe?)

Exactly! So I just look at him and I’d be like “Mm, you’re a little TOO perfect.” But I trust him. No, Konrad, I don’t—he reminds me too much of the midway point when Viktor Krum turned into a shark. That makes me uncomfortable.

(So who would you say is your least favorite, or the one you’re most suspicious of?)

It’s Konrad, yeah. The other ones seem cool, and if not I feel like I’ve got bros. I just need a three-man army and I feel like I’d be safe from the ones I don’t trust. So yeah, I like ‘em, they could kick my ass!

Thanks again to @asking-ask​ for the commentary! Glad to know my BF is a filthy heretic in the making, save for Vulkan being part of his triad-squad.

[wellmeaningshutin]

Sheriff!

Written: 11/27/2017, by S. Sparrow

Nobody made me the sheriff, I damn well gave that job to myself. Sure, some officials may have handed me the title, but I’m the one who earned it, there will never be anyone as good at this job as I am, nobody who can shoot straight with a bottlesworth of whisky in their belly, nobody who could spot an Apache from two miles away. See, the thing about Apaches is that they’re everywhere, and a lot of fellas don’t realize that. I don’t know why it confuses people so often, but its true. I guess the truth is hard for some folk to digest, like trying to feed yourself with hair. Some fellas can eat hair, some can’t. The apaches, they eat hair, both metaphorically and literally. That’s why they scalp well meaning fellas, they want to eat the hair, that’s what they survive off of. Whole buffalo or whatever the saying is.

I knew a barber once, but I don’t know him anymore, I had to shoot him dead in his chair. A fella down the street from me bought the chair. I asked him, I said, “Look, why do you need the chair? Its shot to hell and the blood damn well wont wash out, the leather is no good because of that.” The fella told me, “Blood or no blood, its still better than sitting on wood all the damn time.” So I ask, “But aren’t there still other things to sit on, like horses, metal, rocks, dirt? Hell, if you’re tired of wood, go sit out in the desert, there’s so much of it that you’ll never even be able to sit on in your life time.” I told him, “If you want to sit on leather, why not sit on your saddle.” Why, he looked me right in the eyes and said, “I don’t think you understand what I’m saying. I’m saying that I want to be comfortable, dirt ain't comfort.” I just spat at his feet and gave him a long look, I didn’t trust the fella, he sounded like an Apache, just like that damn barber, sittin’ in that chair of his, tellin’ me that he’s considerin’ getting into the wig trade one of these days. I asked that barber, “Where are you going to get the hair for all those wigs?” He moved the razor up my cheek, I bet he wanted to cut my throat right there, I bet he wanted my American blood to stain his floorboards, but his blood stained his chair instead. Out in the frontier, most disputes are over whose blood is gonna go where. The barber told me, “Well, I’ll probably use the hair that I cut off of folks heads.” Now, he stabbed his finger at the hair that was all over the floor, right where he probably wanted my blood to go, and I already knew what I needed to know, it was Apache talk, he was thinking that he was smarter than me. Even before I sent him to the Christian heaven, not the ridiculous land that his savage religion promised him, he told me that he wasn’t an Apache. I said, “Do you take me for a fool?” He said, “Why, sheriff, I’m a white man, can’t you see that?” I was angry at that point, I was stompin’ my boots around, waving that gun like I was trying to bring a falcon back, and I hollered, “You dirt fucker, you know as well as I do that there’s different kinds of Apache. There’s white Apaches, there’s negro Apaches, there’s yellow ones and purple ones and I believe there are all sorts that we haven’t even seen before.” The fool tried to say that I wasn’t talking sense, he tried to ask me what I thought Apaches were, as if it weren’t already clear that I knew better than anyone, him or those smug folk that live towards the East. So I shot the fucker until my gun couldn’t shoot no more, I gave him Western justice.

Now, when I first came to town, there were Apaches attacking the town, and it seemed hell had come to visit. Now, the thing about visits is they end, and I was brought in to make sure that the Apaches would leave sooner than they naturally would. I hadn’t been a sheriff before then, I was never a lawman before that, but my work with the Apaches had shown that I was the right fella for the job. Actually, at first they didn’t see it that way, they picked some big time sheriff from some town that was never in danger of anything but polio, and how the hell are you supposed to shoot that? So what did that son of a bitch do? He was gutted on the first day. The townsfolk said that I moutain lion had done it, but I said this aint a mountain, and I knew that the Apaches had done it. The folk really tried to sell me on the bear attack idea, some even claimed that they saw it, but as I looked at that big man, his face chewed off and his guts spread all over the dirt, his left hand tangled in a gut tube, his right one removed in the roughest way, all of it stinkin’ to high hell, I knew that it had to be a savage. So I shot the fella who was sellin’ me the story, I knew what his trick was, I shot him right in the belly and knocked my boot against the hole right when he dropped to his knees. He started cryin’, he started hollerin’, he wanted help, and I kept tellin’ him to stop his words, but he wouldn’t listen to me, the ingrate. I told him that his Apache calls wouldn’t work, that I would just kill any of his friends if they came, and they must of heard me as they lurked in the rocks, or wherever they lurk, maybe under the dirt, where its nice and cool, where you can dig for some time during a long journey and find water, where you can splash your face and let the cold let you forget about the sun, the lack of food, the lack of anyone, the idea that you may not survive until the next day, the next hour, the promise you made to your momma to make something of yourself, instead of dying in the middle of nowhere, as nobody, in this damn place where god don’t care about nothin’. Anyways, his friend protested at first, but he seemed too scared and I figured that he wasn’t an Apache, so I told him that he was safe, that it was just his friend who was trouble. And his friend is still crying, snot rushing out of his nose like he caught a fever, or a sickness of some kind, it was real pitiful, these Apaches have no courage, a real pitiful group. The guys crying and I grab the scruff at the back of his head, and I place my pistol right against the top, slightly up, and I tell him, “Now, you and your kin brought a lot of hell into this here town, but I’m the sheriff now, I’m going to teach you a little thing about Western justice. I hope you’re ready to feel the sting of civilization.” And then I fired, bang, and the bullet tore its way through the top of his skull, and did a little more than creating a ditch in his head, it looked like a grave being dug, and I got my fingers in there, he’s cryin’ the whole time, screaming and fussin’, and I try to peel back his scalp, but it held on for dear life to his skull. So, not being one to take failure lightly, I put my boot on his neck, grabbed the scruff, and shot another round, and another, and after some time of bang bang bangin’ the Apache’s scalp, after two rounds and some very un-Christian words, I finally pried the damned thing from his head. By the time I held it over the sun, to admire my prize, I had to squint because of all of the sunlight that managed to shine through. I was pretty pissed, because I was hoping that my first scalp in this town could be something that I could hang in my office, like the trophy it was, but it had become ruined since the savage kept struggling under my boot. He had just come to by the time that I started stompin’ on his scalp, and when his friend asked me what we should do, I didn’t know, so I said, “Hang him. Everyone loves a good hangin’.” And they did, the people there really enjoyed it.

Now, by and by I began to hang a lot more of the townfolk, it was shocking to see how many of them turned out to be Apaches. Some of the townfolk would ask me how I knew, they would ask me if I knew what an Apache was, if I thought all Indians were Apaches, or, well, for some reason they were having a lot of trouble understanding it. Maybe they never read around here, maybe somebody told them wrong, I have no idea. So when they ask me about Apaches, I tell them that I just know, and that’s all they need to know. I don’t want no Apaches learning my methods anyways, because then they’ll just hide themselves better, and then we’ll all be dead, western civilization will come burning down and baby Jesus will cry on the cross. I can’t let that happen. I’m the only man who is stopping that from happenin’.

If you really want to know how I can tell, I’ll tell you: Its a gut feelin’, I just know, like some sort of divine gift. If anyone makes me feel all wrong, I know that they’re an Apache, and I shoot them dead.

Now, I don’t know when I got this gift of mine, but I like to think that my father gave it to me after he was burned and eaten. The apaches didn’t eat him, they let him go to waste, so the animals swooped down and had their way. It was a cryin’ shame, but it was how it happened. If you ask me, I don’t think that the man even deserved to die, he didn’t do anything wrong, he was a good man who didn’t get an justice for the wrongs that wronged him. After all that he went through, he deserved something, but the Apaches wouldn’t have it. At first they told him that he couldn’t build a house where he was buildin’ it, because that was their land, their territory. So, being reasonable, he told them that he was just trying to look after his family, that they had no place to stay, that we needed to survive. The Apache asked him to build somewhere else, and he politely told the savage that we couldn’t go anywhere else, because we had to shoot the ox and there was no good way to move the food and water. The Apache told him that we could stay with its people, but my father just laughed that thunderous laugh and said that he’d rather die in the desert than live in some savage hut for a night. He tried to tell the thing that we white Christian folk needed more than that, that we had been bred from Jesus, while the savages were closer to animals, or children. The Apache didn’t take that to well, he even insisted that he wasn’t an Apache at some point, but my father just laughed that off, because he knew one when he could see one. The Apache then told us that he had lived in towns before, but my father didn’t buy that snake oil either. And, okay, my father did become a little aggressive with his choice of words, but the Apache kept saying that we couldn’t build on his land, he kept telling us that this wasn’t the way that things worked, so what was he to do? Sometime after him kicking up dust and a wise explaining of our manyfest destiny he shot the Apache, and said that was enough of that.

The next night they came in and my father started shootin’ and shootin’, and when one would come down two others would take its place. We were surrounded and it would only be a matter of time until they would surround us with a circle of scalpin’ and rapin’ and murderin’, and all of those savage acts that they love so much. We didn’t know why they came for us, they never offered an explanation, but I knew that it was just because that’s the way them Apaches are. I can still remember my father hollerin’ when a tomohawk took most of his jaw off. It didn’t take all of it off, there were still chunks hanging on and drippin down, teeth that would keep knockin’ against the floor, even when you thought that there would be no more teeth, but most of the man’s jaw was on the floor. I think that’s what killed us in the end, too, because he was unable to reason with the savages after that happened. My father said that words could solve every problem better than fightin’ could, but he said that sometimes savages didn’t want to listen to reason, and that’s what makes them savages. I figured the same went for Apaches too, but I guess I don’t really know the difference between a savage and an Apache. I guess its that savages are always dark, while the Apaches can even be white men, and that’s what scares me the most about them. But I’m not scared of anything. I’ve never been scared in my life. Okay, when we was crouching in our wagon, the Apaches surrounding us, my father trying to scream right while his jaws still dripping to the dirt, I was scared then, but I was a boy, boys have to be scared so that they can become men and never become scared again. A frightened man is no man at all, that’s another bit of wisdom. Anyways, when the Apaches got close enough to be seen in the lamp light, my mother picked up the rifle and shot one of the bastards in the shoulder, but another came up from behind and pulled her right out of the wagon. They damn well slit her throat when they pulled her out, and her blood started to soak up the dirt. I didn’t know what to do, I had never been in that much danger in my life, and I think what scared me the most was not know why they were coming after us. I was so spooked that when one of them grabbed me, I didn’t move one bit, and I let them carry me out of the wagon. They were real gentle when they did it, but that wasn’t kindness, they probably knew that they couldn’t scare a boy anymore than they did, they already had the piss out of me, and I don’t think they wanted to have to smell anything else. So, while I’m being took away from the wagon, my father was trying to keep bits of jaw from falling into the dirt with his one hand, and the other aimed to shoot but he fell over and shot the oil lamp right off the wagon. It fell right on him and he lay there, burnin’ burnin’ burnin’, screaming into the night. I wanted to look away, but it was a hard sight to miss, it demanded your attention, he was the brightest sight around for miles. I tried to close my eyes, but the light still shone through, I could still hear him, so I decided just to look anyways. I was spooked about it for the longest time, I prayed and prayed for the lord to let me forget, but I’m glad now that I saw it, it made me a man. Yes sir, it put the hair on my chest and the star on my chest. The Apache holding me tried to cover my eyes, and I bet he didn’t want me to see what they did to my father, they didn’t want me to grow up to be the man that I am.

And what man is that? Well, I’m the sheriff, I am justice, I am the law where the law don’t go. I’ve put a bullet in every type of Apache there is, and there ain't nothing worse than an Apache. I once tussled with an apache coyote, with only a knife and my wits. I’m a force of nature, I’m the word of God.

These people in this town weren’t sure of that at first, but they know now. I got rid of every Apache that lived within a ten mile area of the town, the outskirts and the houses were emptied of them. We put them in wagons and burned them in the desert, far out enough so that the civilized folk wouldn’t have to see it, close enough to the town so that the smoke could reassure them. They sure did protest when I started going after the Apaches that were pretending to be good Christian folk, but eventually they stopped complainin’ when I had that pile of bodies out in front of my place and they saw all of the secret Apaches that they had thought were neighbors. My deputy said that the townsfolk were scared that I’d fill them with holes, and I said that they only should be if they’re Apaches. Then I shot him up for good measure, but he’s still around, even if he can’t walk. I trust him because God showed me that he was no Apache, and now I make sure that he keeps a watch for anyone whose scheduled to hang. I thought he would be right mad about being shot, but he had to eat, so he took the job back with little griping. Then, when I let him hang the newest Apache that wondered into town, he had a smile on his face that showed that we was right. I let him hang everyone now, and he seems to be happy. When your cock don’t work, I guess you have to find something else to fill its absence.

Yes sir, we are a peaceful town and we are Apache free, but sometimes we are too Apache free. Whenever we go a week without a hangin’, I start to get nervous, and the people start to get restless. My deputy tells me that they don’t like the hangin’s much, he tells me that they’re usually just happy that they’re not up there, throats closed, legs dancin’ around, face turnin’ all sorts of colors, and I tell him that if he understands people so much, he should write a book. He started to write a book, and it does well he will need to thank me, because it was my idea. I don’t know what the book is about, and even though he tells me its about something or other, I know its about me. Who else is he going to write about? But sometimes I worry that he’s gonna take my life and say that he lived it. He’s gonna take every crumb of wisdom that I picked out of my beard for him, and he’s going to call it his wisdom, he’s going to become well known for it, all sorts of folks will quote him when they’re really quoting me and mine, and the thought just gets me all sorts of angry, so I usually go out to hunt Apaches. But there ain’t Apaches for the longest time around here, so I have to ride out to the next town to get some scalps and cool myself down. The sheriff there wont let me scalp the white Apaches though, he seems to be some sort of idiot, but a scalp is a scalp and an Apache is an Apache, no matter what color of skin they have, so I give him a barrel of whiskey that I get for free every week from my local tavern, and he stabs his finger in the direction of the closest Apache camp or house. The townsfolk there don’t drink no liquor, they say its of the devil, but I say that’s just Apache talk, because liquor is God’s reward for a job well done, and Apaches don’t know what good work is, they never have had a real job, but I guess that makes sense, because the only real job out there is killin’ Apaches. I guess there’s also gunsmithin’ and farming, those would also be real jobs. Sometimes I have to wonder, what’s a man to do when there are no more Apaches to kill? When the savages have been scrubbed clean off the dirt of the world, what is left for civilized man to? What would my use be? It makes me wonder if I should even work my job, since I’m so good at it, because I alone could get rid of every last damn Apache, but by doin’ that I would be gettin’ rid of myself then. Then who would I be? The man who got rid of the Apaches? Who would care about that, who would give a lick about me? While I’m still killin’ Apaches people will love me, they’d want me to kill the Apaches so that they wouldn’t be killed instead, but what if they didn’t have no danger to deal with, then why would they want me? What about all of the young ones who would grow up without ever knowing what an Apache is? They wouldn’t give a damn about me and my kind, they wouldn’t understand the order, peace, and stability we brought to the world. They would just see us as being outdated, why, I’d die with the Apaches, those bastards will take me down with them.

Sometimes when I trade that whiskey and kill them Apaches, I wonder how this could be done better, how we could preserve them. Now, I thought about killin’t them all and just pretending like they’re still out there, but good God fearing people don’t believe in nonsense that isn’t there, this is an age of reason! They’d take one look at me and tell me that I was fuller of shit than a farmer’s field. They’d laugh me down and make me feel like a boy again, they’d take my manhood away from me. I don’t know if they can feel it, but the times are a changin’, and they wont need me in five or ten years. So I keep telling myself that there has to be more of them out there, they have to exist in parts of this world that we haven’t seen before, that have yet to be civilized, that as long as there are people spreadin’ culutre to the world, there are still those savages that will try to oppose it. Sometimes I look eastward and think of all of the Apaches that there could be. And, when I’m tired of that, I look to the north and think the same damn thing. Sometimes I get tired and I look up to the moon, to the stars, to God’s kingdom, and I try to tell myself that we could go out there, that we will eventually civilize the sky and everything past it, but then I remember that that’s God’s kingdom for a reason, and this world is the only one left to become civilized.

I remember that I’m just a man, that there is an end to what I have to do, that time will move on without me and me and my kin will be forgotten about, we’ll be consumed by time and nobody will thank us for what we did for the future generations, all of the good that I’m bringin’ to the world. But I don’t like to think like that, so when I do I say a prayer and head out to kill more Apaches, its the only thing that helps.

[xtreme-icecream]

the usual deal I Guess is for me to draw OC’s in squad batches; this one is a team i’ve nicknamed The Goddamn Squad™, i like 2 imagine them as an action rpg party n that means theyre gonna save the world, As Usual

character into notes in the read more bc Ya Just Gotta

so the one at the top right with the big blue anime eyes is Abel:

-her name is abel bc?? name genders??? theyre like fashion: theyre there for aesthetic. get names that suit your style helen -she wants to *zack fair voice* Become a Hero but like that’s vague and her definition of it changes constantly so in effect her goal is Altruism p much -her way of life is swords. she loves swords. smithing fighting history decorating All of it -The Chosen One™, eventually, after the first third of the story i guess -there’s an important sword see it chooses her lmao  -a Good Misunderstood Orphan-class hero. a naruto. -as u can see she’s every generic inoffensive jrpg hero x10 but with a drop of character development and a dash of gay and also for once she’s a girl (ya gotta). she’s here to subvert everything -also she’s half dark elf (whatever i end up calling those) but she doesnt know and she also doesnt know that the Greater Cosmic Forces have hated her guts for like 7000 years

at the right of abel, the one who looks like she has a bug on her head, thats Ce(ci)lia:

-rich -i drew her a lil more sinisterly than she really is tbh she’s a gentle soul but she presents herself in a way that makes her hard to approach, smh -she’s so nice she’s almost boring. what few snide tendencies she has she got bc abel rubbed off on her.  -she n abel live in the same hometown n go to the same Not Sword Hogwarts school (which her dad owns). they’re two different kinds of top students which means they’re best friends of the rival flavor -theyre also girlfriends they dont know that yet i guess???dam -uses a Gun so u know she’s rich when u fight her lmao -her signature plot weapon is a morphing sentient symbiotic lizard shield thing tho. it cramps her style (gun+shield??blease) but the plot demands it  -most likely to leave the party and Then come back as a duel boss before coming back -im gonna be honest here i’ve always wanted my own riku/sasuke/weiss/celica/zuko character so that’s what she is i guess

at the top left is Hawke:

-like archer elf aladdin but he’s in a thieves gang -he’s a wood elf, different from abel, js -his real name is Marcus Piccabeen and he’s the only guy whose name im Sure of rn. (everyone actually has a surname rn but they need finalizing) -he lies, cheats and steals and such but Actually he wants to be heroic too and climb up the classes in society so when Abel and Celia track down his gang he tags along with them because he thinks theyre pretty cool -he’s a thief but in the party he’s the mage character. his arrows are made of magic bc 1) he cant Buy arrows 2) cant make them either 3) one of his gang friends is a magic genius and taught him -he calls the magic arrows “bolts” bc crossbows and also like when zeus does the lightning thing. they work like that -his other agenda is finding the guys who pillaged his hometown and hunted the elves down but its more of a closure thing than a revenge thing

the guy who looks like if lok’s mako cameoed in thundercats and put on a dead anime mom hairstyle is Damian:

-u talk to him a lot as a suspiciously-designed npc before he joins the team for real. he helps the main party but he has his own thing to do see -he’s of the kind of fantasy race that’s animal people (he’s a lion i think) -(there’s a whole discussion for why he’s so human-looking but it boils down to: My Own Shortcomings. but thats meta talk anw) -he’s some kind of spiritual scholar, his academia whatever is about studying for the betterment of the spirit and society or something. he’s on a research trip that doubles as a pilgrimage. -honestly the most static of the characters so far despite what he’s doing but i’m very close to figuring out his character arc. it has to do with the prince of the main kingdom -exposition? u got it

the generic-looking guy with the undercut is Randall:

-his archetype is that of the sad young man with a dead girlfriend. crush. whatever -that crush was the princess leading the war effort (u can taste the fire emblem) so really i guess he had it coming  -he was like, a handpicked lieutenant or some kind of secondary position like that, which was a promotion from Personal Retainer or something helps to be friends with the princess huh -the princess is a Major character despite dying a third of the way in, and is Very Important to abel’s arc, so he’s here to be her ghost. something like that. -he n the princess were part of a Trio tho; his personal issue has to do with the third character there

finally the ominous one with the not-human vibes is Astreia:

-she’s sboilers,,.,,, -she’s a recurring boss, but for story reasons the astreia u get in the party is Way powered down from boss!astreia -the fact that she’s the last party member would be sbpoilers too if this was an actual thing -the Real zuko but her mark is celia -not from this realm, but after Developments she can’t go back home because the Big Fellas Beyond the Clouds told her to fuck off bc she screwed up -is the lore equivalent of a fallen angel i guess -she’s been here for centuries and only admits after joining the party that she wanted to get along with mankind but they’d find her too freaky :((

anw thanks for looking all these designs are Super tentative they might change tomorrow even *dabs*

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

I saw:

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa- The penguins have fixed up the wrecked plane but, oops, they crash in mainland Africa. In one of those amazing coincidences fiction loves, they end up right where the lion came from as a child. It’s a sweet reunion since his parents hadn’t known the poachers hadn’t killed him, but their is a problem. To join the pride he has to go through a rite of passage without a clue. Needless to say it turns out NOT to be a dance off, leading not just to his exile but the displacement of his father by a jerk new leader. Meanwhile the zebra deals with finding out that in a herd he is no longer unique, the hippo takes up dating one of her own kind but finds her new fella only cares about her body, and the hypochondriac giraffe becomes the local doctor, but believing he is dying he stresses about his unstated live for the hippo. Will things work out for everyone or will this be a very shocking mainstream animated family film? Well, if the violent old lady tourist from New York has her way we’ll be one lion short! 

It’s sooo weird. I was sure I had seen the film before, but watching it I recognized nothing at all. Have I actually never seen it or have I just forgotten it entirely? Since I’ve never gotten such complete movie amnesia I’m going with a first viewing. It’s cute, with a few good gags, but I’m going to go nuts trying to figure out why I thought I’d seen it....

Could it have been shown on a plane, like on our London trip in 2009? Considering the sleep deprivation and the excitement of the trip it might not have stuck in my head. Now if only I could dig out my old journals.....

It really will drive me crazy! LOL

[bluedevildisney-blog]

More Racism in Disney

Zootopia is a great example of Disney new villain. It is also an allegory for racism in the United States. Assistant mayor Bellwether is the new villain of Disney. She doesn’t fit the stereotype of the ugly mean villain. At first we don’t know she is evil because she comes off so nice. It is not until the end when we find out she was actually the villain trying to make everyone afraid of predators. She wanted to rule by using fear and the fact that prey make up 90% of the population.

Throughout the movie we don’t really know who the villain is. It could be Nick Wilde the sly sneaky fox or Mayor Lionheart the huge lion predator that falsely imprisoned fourteen “savage” animals. This was wrong on his part keeping everything a secret from the public or even the animals families. There are certainly a few different options of villains the writers could have gone with; I think they picked the most shocking person. Bellwether is so small, fuzzy, and adorable I would never expect her.

Zootopia is supposed to be the perfect Utopia where predator and prey get along in harmony. This is almost true, but there is a lot of prejudice, racism, and fear. For example when Nick feels the urge to touch Bellwether’s wool represents how people have to urge to touch hair that is different than theirs, for example African Americans. Odd I know, but for some reason it happens. Judy is a little racist as well when she tells Nick that he “is a real articulate fella” this represents the fact that most people assume minorities are uneducated. The animals all live in different Neighborhoods in Zootopia. This represents how minorities typically are all grouped together in an urban setting; Hispanics all live together, African Americans live together, Caucasians all live together somewhere else. It just naturally separates. The best thing about this movie is that it shows that everyone is subjected to racism. Little Judy does receive a lot of prejeduce from people calling her cute, assuming that she is just some dumb hick from the country, and the fact that she is bunny trying to be a “bunny cop.” Even when she does become a police officer she is automatically made a meter maid because people still didn’t believe a bunny could be a cop. Luckily she is still optimistic and tries to make the best of the situation.

The stereotypes in this movie are so obviously which is very good because they are trying to get their point across. Nick is a sly fox who is a criminal. Mayor Lionheart is the leader of Zootopia just like he would be in the wild. Mr.Big is the typical Italian mob gangster; modeled after The Godfather. His daughter is the typical Italian girl modeled after Snookie. Clawhauser is a  fat donut loving cop, exactly like the stereotype. Some people think Zootopia did not portray racism correctly therefore yet again Disney gets it wrong. I disagree I love the movie and find their examples of racism very modern and easy to get. I also really like how no one was above receiving racism showing that everyone has parts of them that other view as a disadvantage or minority. No one is above anyone else.

[meanwhileinoz]

Disney Employees Share The Strangest Things They’ve Witnessed At Work

Disney Is A Truly Magical Place.

However, magical doesn’t mean there aren’t many weird things happening behind the scene’s that you are probably not aware of. So in hopes to educating the general public of the most bizarre incidents that employee’s witnessed at work, we compiled the following list.

#1 Showered With Free Stuff.

So, at the Alien scene, there’s a point where the alien comes down from the ceiling and strikes at the guests. It’s about 6 feet above their heads, strikes two or three times, then creeps back into the darkness above. So one day, the alien comes OFF of its track, and flies directly into the lap of one of the guests. He gets a good smack on the face, and everyone around him is suitably terrified.

As was policy, before they could run around screaming about murdering Disney rides. The guests were ushered into a room full of guest services people, and showered with gifts and refunds and free tickets and all sorts of “please don’t take this to the press” items.

Now I did get confirmation that all this happened. What I never got enough evidence of was that the man who was directly hit by the alien – all he asked for was the alien. He wanted it for his collection. According to rumor, he was given the alien, and sent happily on his way while they installed the spare one.

shoopdedoop

#2 Truly Magical.

The Witch in the Wizard of Oz section broke mid-speech, and spewed hydraulic fluid all over the first 3 rows of the ride, from the tip of her finger. Like she was casting a real spell.

shoopdedoop

#3 That Is Just A Big No.

While standing in line, an adult man took a crap in the corner of the pre-show (it’s like a little movie theater.) A toddler wandered over to the alleged poop, picked it up, and did what toddlers do- put it in his mouth.

I encountered the aftermath of this in the cast-member break-room, as the mom rushed her poop-covered baby into our bathroom, with her half-drunk husband following behind her saying, “What? It’s just crap.”

shoopdedoop

#4 Now That Would Be Awesome.

Once a guy walked up to me while it was raining, and in all seriousness said, “Hey, I know you guys have to water the plants, but can you turn off the rain for a while?” He really thought that there was a bubble surrounding Disney that controlled the weather.

shoopdedoop

#5 I Don’t Even Know What To Say.

I once had a lady who was waiting in line ask me if it was okay if her son went to the bathroom. So, I said sure thinking she was going to take him, nope this boy who had to be close to 10 pulled down his pants and started pissing in line. I did not know how to react. I just stood there in watched astonished.

courtney0mae

#6 Never Get Drunk And Try To Be A Hero.

A drunk dude picked up a princess, threw her over his shoulder and started heading toward the exit. I don’t believe his intentions were malicious, but security/police followed him until he was done with his ‘act’ and promptly took him to jail where he got charged with at least one felony.

JusTargaryen

#7 How Could That Even Happen?

I was working on one of the roller-coasters in Paris and there was a kid on it with his dad, the kid was very scared like he was shaking and this ride you were held in by a harness and your legs were hanging free.

I looked down at the people walking under the ride only to see that this kid had pooped himself in fear and the poop landed and hit an old lady on the face, she fell over from the force of it and had to go home in an ambulance.

#8 Just Having A Good Jog.

I saw a fella fall off the balcony in the Animal Kingdom hotel with the giraffes and run from wildlife for a good hour while they slowly got all the animals out of his way and got him out. No one got hurt and it was pretty funny to watch.

Flipz100

#9 A Little Momentum.

This lady with a serious obsession with Alice and would pretty much go every day to Disneyland and dress up like her. One day she decided she needed a piece of Alice for herself and actually cut off a piece of hair from the actress at the park!

CiCiV

#10 Why Does Everyone Think That?

Picked up a shift in Magic Kingdom one rainy afternoon. A lady approached me and asked if I could ‘close the dome’. I said “excuse me?”, to which she replied: “It’s raining! Close the dome so we don’t get wet!”. I had to explain to her that there isn’t a giant dome that covers Magic Kingdom to prevent getting wet from the rain. I then told her that the Dumbo ride is actually a lot of fun in the pouring rain.

kannhayes

#11 That Is The Perfect Answer.

I drove the truck at Kilimanjaro Safaris at Animal Kingdom…one of the Disney World parks, if you’re not familiar. I drove 40 guests at a time through a wildlife reserve with no fences. Most of the animals can wander right onto the road, blocking your path.

Also, there are no tracks…you’re really responsible for driving the truck, really responsible for the guests’ safety, and really responsible for not running over a rhino. Or, more realistically, not GETTING run over by a rhino.

There are natural barriers between predator and prey, so you’re not going to see a lion pounce on a zebra. But that doesn’t mean the animals can’t surprise you.

Lots of animals having sex, midtour. Usually I would drive right past it without comment…adults might snicker, but I could distract the kids by pointing out facts about other animals in the vicinity.

But one day I’m driving and a Rhino decides to take a nap in the road right in front of us. That means all trucks stop where they are until the rhino moves.

We were stuck out there for more than an hour…in a downpour. I know maybe eight facts about each animal, so I’ve depleted my entire resevoir of facts within 30 minutes. The rest of it was all improv…trying to keep 40 high-paying strangers entertained in an open-air truck that isn’t moving in a rainstorm for an hour.

Just as I’m completely racking my brain for material, two zebras start humping. A little girl screams “WHAT ARE THEY DOING???” I immediately reply, “Oh, that’s a game called Leap Zebra. Like Leap Frog, but with more stripes. This particular zebra seems to be very bad at it.”

The adults were all busting up laughing…it seriously eased the tension.

PRGuyHere

#12 Well At-Least The Kid Was Alright I Think.

I worked the Dinosaur ride at Animal Kindgom and if you’ve never been on it, it would be legitimately terrifying to a 5-6 year old kid. I’m about to launch a car into the ride and there is a kid who is bawling and screaming that he did not want to go on the ride.

We were required to ask the parent if it is okay for their kid to ride if they were reacting like this. I say, “Ma’am, is your son going to be able to ride?” As this happens, the kid begins to violently cough and then, in what I can only assume is an act of motherly instinct, she cups her hands under her son’s mouth and he projectile vomits into her waiting hands.

I stand there in shock, but she calmly looks me in the eyes and says, “He’ll be fine,” as she moves her now overflowing palms over her bag and dumps the vomit into her purse without flinching. I stand there, mouth agape at the act I just witnessed, and press the button to start the ride.

I’m not ready for fatherhood.

dangersexy

#13 Why Is Everyone Drunk In Disney?

While I was working on Dumbo, these drunk people removed their infant from the seat belt and held the baby like Simba outside of the carriage while the ride was up 18 feet in the air so their other drunk friends could take pictures of them doing it, we had to emergency stop the ride; they were escorted away and I heard arrested once outside the park gates.

It was very scary to witness.

oddpeople

#14 Why Would You Do That?

People would do a lot of dumb stuff, but the most bizarre was when I was working at space mountain I was on rotation in a position called “mountain 3” basically I stood by the handicap entry to the ride and helped people get on and took wheelchairs to the exit.

Anyway it was middle of summer and really busy when a lady wearing a big Disney hoodie was going through the normal line. I thought it was a little weird to wear a jacket during the summer, but whatever.

She then gets to restraint which is the last check point before the ride begins. At restraint they just check your lap bars and then press a green button. While there the cast members hear a whine coming from the ladies jacket and found that she was trying to smuggle her infant daughter on the ride.

So he calls me over because I have a radio and we kick her off the ride, call our managers, and security. She ended up getting blacklisted from Disney world.

JoshLCook

#15 Well, That Is Just Awkward.

I worked Pirates of the Caribbean Disneyland 2008-2009. Every younger couple tries to get away with messing around on the boats during non-peak hours. There are seriously cameras everywhere.

We caught this couple having oral sex in the back. Instead of normally yelling at them over the intercom, we let him finish. As the girl leaned over to spit, my co-worker got on the intercom with the loudest “NOT IN THE WATER”.

I hope they’re married by now.

thepiratebeyonce

What did you think of the above incidents? Do you have any to tell? If so we would love to hear from you.

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