#i just need to. read the relevant parts but it helps that i am genuinely deeply fascinated by this topic

[bogkeep]

tbh my thesis on the astronomical clock in prague might just become a redo of a tenth grade thesis i did about the history of clocks. like the question i want to answer is "why does this clock fascinate us so much" and i think the surface level answer is that it looks cool as hell and is in a touristy part of a touristy town - but on the deeper level it's like. well it's one of the oldest mechanical clocks in the world that's still ticking, and it barely looks like the clocks we have now. it's like pshaw of course i can read a clock, you just look at the dial and the hands, right? and then this clock is like. unreadable because the upper dial shows no less than four kinds of time: babylonian time (twelve hours of day + twelve hours of night, but the length of the hours varies depending on the place and time of year), bohemian or italian time (24 hours that start at sunset, good for seeing how many hours of daylight there's left), old germanic time i think it was called (that's just like what we use now except it doesn't account for daylight savings!), and sidereal time (uhhh is this the zodiac circle thing?????? i should know this)

because the thing about how we count time is, WHY do we count time the way we do? why Twelve hours specifically. what matters more, exact measurements of time units, or following the ebb and flow of daylight? has the way the shaped clocks shaped our lives?? MUCH TO THINK ABOUT. or at least i think about it when i see a clock like the orloj.

[hivemuthur]

Can u request something with modern au with viktor where there’s an established relationship between reader and him and readers an artist? You can write whatever you want whether it’s dating hcs , fluff, nsfw !!

Dear Anon, I took the liberty and added a small, but significant detail to this request - the Reader is visually impaired. It is not implied why, as it wasn't relevant to the one shot, but you can imagine their vision to be compromised to the point of having to use a walking cane and being able to only recognize shapes/shadows. The picture for it is Hephaestus, as he is the godly representation of Viktor for me, just read about him. Having said that, here is: Hand of the Beholder

viktorxgn!reader mature! some suggestive content, Reader has a sight disability, Viktor is their muse :') A small fic, in which Viktor discovers that softness feels nice.

edit/author's note: I treat Elliott as a gn name in general (I might be wrong, but well). And Bono the dog's name - it's a reference to a pin Sinead O'Connor was wearing during one of her interviews after she had met Bono. It said Bono in short legs shock! and I think it's hilarious :)

word count: 3,3K

—

A loud thump, followed by the clatter of something wooden on the pavement. Then, “Are you blind?”—a voice exclaimed with utter irritation, one very familiar to you—followed by a gasp. You always loved that part.

“Partially. Getting there,” you replied, flashing a sweet smile in the direction of the voice. Kill them with kindness—that was the usual strategy.

What was odd was that the voice—and the vague shape you assumed was its owner—didn’t move from the spot where your clumsy dog had knocked them. Either you’d made an astonishing first impression, or they were too stunned to move.

“Forgive me, I—I am usually less… rude.”

“That’s alright, no need to beg for forgiveness on your knees,” you said, offering a more genuine smile. “I’m sorry about Bono; he’s a bit awkward in crowds.”

“This is embarrassing, but I might need your help getting up,” the voice admitted, followed by an awkward chuckle.

Once he accepted your hand and scrambled to his feet, he kept hold of your palm just long enough to give it a quick shake. “Thank you. I’m Viktor.”

You almost introduced yourself when your friend Elliott emerged from whatever pound shop she had left you in front of. “Oh God, this dog! He’s going to get you killed one day,” she huffed, grabbing the leash from your hand.

“Bono. So… are you a U2 fan?” Viktor asked. Smooth, Viktor. Very smooth. He felt his face twist in cringe but decided to own it, smoothing his clothes with his hands to distract himself.

“Ah, definitely not. But I’ve been told he has short legs, so there it is,” you replied with a chuckle, crouching to give Bono a pet and a treat. The dog licked your face in return, and you groaned in mock offense.

“Alright, is everyone fine? Can we get moving?” Elliott pressed, clearly eager to move on. Her ‘just a second’ stop had already turned into twenty minutes of snooping through junk.

Viktor, utterly confused, felt words pushing their way out of his mouth before he could stop them. “Or, I could buy you a coffee? For the inconvenience? If… you’re not busy?” His voice rose slightly with each question, and again, he decided to own it by gulping down on this weird lump in his mouth and producing a smile.

“I feel like I should be the one buying you a coffee, Viktor. But yes, sure,” you replied casually, though truthfully, you just wanted to hear that warm, accented voice for a little longer.

Later, at the café, Viktor found himself absolutely baffled by your bluntness and the merciless jokes you’d thrown in his direction. He wondered where the hell his sass had gone. His legs were continuously bumped by Bono, who had clearly taken a liking to him and wouldn’t stop drooling onto his lap. When Viktor tried to joke about service dogs, usually more collected, he learned that Bono was, in fact, just a dog, and his only service was being a good boy.

Everything about this was so surreal and unlikely that his curious mind wouldn’t let him not ask you out again.

And this was how you met, two years ago, give or take. Two three-legged creatures connected by another, four-legged one, whose short legs seemed to give him matchmaking superpowers.

What had been the strangest feeling in the world for Viktor was being seen in a way he had never been seen before. Without a single question about his looks, without prying touches or purposeful exploration, you had managed to put together all the pieces that made him who he was. And suddenly, his cane didn’t matter, the way others looked at him didn’t matter. What mattered was the warmth of his hands, the tone of his voice, the feeling of soft jumpers, and his mind—the most brilliant thing you’d ever had the pleasure to explore.

And Bono got so many treats for it, his legs seemed even shorter as he grew fatter.

Which is why Viktor agreed to do something that, ordinarily, he would nervously laugh off before fleeing the country. His wobbly legs carried him to the sculpture workshop, late enough for it to be private and unoccupied.

Seeing you setting up the materials around an inconspicuous clay figure, he walked up to you from behind and draped himself over your back, his arms cradling your shoulders, palms connected at your sternum. You could feel his heart thundering against your spine and asked, “Are you nervous?”

“A little,” he murmured, pressing his nose into the crook of your neck. “Is this me?”

“Not yet, for now it’s a dummy. Though, the frame was constructed to depict your figure,” you said quietly, placing your palm over his hands, your head leaning back to place a kiss on his temple. You could feel his scent filling your nose­—clothes that are just clean and a faint smell of shampoo lingering in his hair.

“Is it empty inside?” he asked, and you only nodded, brushing your nose against his cheek.

“Hmm, philosophically ironic, don’t you think?”

“Love, if I were to sculpt your liver, I doubt this experiment would prove useful,” you chuckled, hearing Viktor let out a bemused huff. “Besides, it would be very heavy.”

“Pity. I’m sure my liver is magnificent,” Viktor tried to deflect, but his breath betrayed him. The room was unbelievably warm, and he could feel his hands starting to sweat.

“And where do you want me?”

“Right beside me. We’ll do a lying pose, with your hands on your chest. I’ll show you, roughly,” you said, your own nervousness beginning to grow as you realised this was probably far more intimate than anything you’d experienced together before. Suddenly, all the sex you’d had in strange places didn’t seem so insane.

After a short presentation and a couple of awkward chuckles, Viktor splayed himself on the couch beside you, while you sat down by the worktable. You needed to mark the key points of his body to keep the proportions intact, so the first obvious choice was his face.

You placed your hand on his cheek, and he hummed softly, relaxing into your touch. Your fingers traced the structure of his bones, his nose, eyelids, the curve of his mouth, assessing the distance between them with one hand and marking them on the dummy with the other. You couldn’t help yourself and exclaimed, “Oh Viktor, you are so beautiful! All this time and I had no idea.”

Viktor let out an uninhibited cackle and playfully bit your fingers. “There it is—superficial vanity. And here I was, hoping someone would finally love me for more than my looks,” he said in mock offence, making you bite your lower lip to stifle a laugh.

“Of course I do. But at least now I can say things like, ‘Thank God you’re pretty,’” you grinned at him mercilessly, and he laughed again. When the laughter faded into a comfortable silence, you took a deep breath and made sure once more. “Are you absolutely confident you’re up for this?”

“Positive,” he said firmly. “Should I—?” The unfinished question was answered by his hand landing on his shirt, pinching it expectantly—a force of habit stronger when his nerves showed.

“Just the torso for now. It’ll take a couple of sessions, I think. And after that, who knows? Maybe you’ll abandon me and become a world-famous model,” you mused, attempting to hide your own anxiety.

Viktor only huffed in response and obediently slid his shirt off. Taking your palm, he placed it flat against his chest. “For some reason, I feel very close to a heart attack, but I have a feeling you do too,” he said gently, the brave honesty in his voice completely disarming you.

You exhaled softly, leaning in to kiss him on the lips—a lingering, delicate gesture meant to reassure rather than ignite. “Thank you,” you murmured against his mouth, your voice warm and sincere. “Remember, we can stop at any moment. Just say the word.”

Viktor nodded, though words seemed to escape him now. His eyes followed your every move as you shifted closer, warming your palms by rubbing them against each other. You began your work, one hand ghosting over the sharp line of his jaw, the other placed on the dummy to mirror his shape.

Your touch was deliberate, slow, and almost reverent. Your fingers started at the hinge of his jaw, ghosting over the texture of his skin. Most of it was smooth, with the tiniest bit of grain, like a piece of glass worked by the sea over the years. You paused, mapping the angle where his jaw met his neck—the hardness of bone giving way to the flexible tendon beneath. You tapped on it delicately to test the bounce of his muscle—here his skin was silky, and firm and you could smell the faint scent of cream he applied after shaving. You gave it one more lingering touch, before moving to the earlobe, tracing it with your thumb, your fingers brushing against his hairline. Viktor let out a breathy exhale, and you smiled under your nose.

“Enjoying yourself?”

“Mmm, you have no idea,” he hummed, placing his palm over yours instinctively. His hands were warm, and you could feel the heat radiating off his cheek onto your wrist.

You slid your hand toward the hollow beneath his cheekbone, pausing on the beauty mark under his eye to mark it on the dummy. It had a faint rise over the rest of his face, and you did your best to depict it’s shape. You could feel his cheek rising in a smile.

Moving to the slight curve of his lips, your fingertips lingered there for a moment longer than necessary. You pressed on the plushness of his mouth and felt Viktor leaning into your touch, his hot breath fanning your skin. Your finger trembled, when you found the tiny bump crowning his upper lip and Viktor pouted slightly, as if leaving a peck against your skin.

“Your bone structure is ridiculous,” you murmured absently, your voice hushed as though you were speaking to yourself, your fingers still pressed where they were.

Viktor’s throat worked as he swallowed, his chest rising and falling in a rhythm he was no longer in control of. “Ridiculous good or ridiculous bad?” he asked, his tone half-teasing, though the rasp in his voice betrayed how affected he was. You could feel the movement of his lips under your hand and a hot breath coming out, warming you up.

“Ridiculous perfect,” you replied simply, fighting your brain to focus on the clay in your right hand rather than on Viktor’s soft mouth under the mercy of your left.

You took a steadying breath and worked your way up to his brow, your thumb grazing the bushy ridge, your palm cradling the side of his face as you turned it slightly to study the other angle. You could make out the first wrinkles in the corners of his eyes, and the more prominent ones of his forehead, reinforced regularly by a thoughtful frown he wore so often.

His skin warmed under your touch, the heat blooming wherever your fingers roamed. Your other hand shaped the first layers of the structure of Viktor’s face in clay, its coolness a stark contrast to what your left one was going through.

As your hand slipped down to trace the lean column of his neck, Viktor couldn’t help the quiet exhale that escaped him. The feel of your fingers—gentle but firm, your nails just barely skimming over sensitive skin—caused him to tense up in places he didn’t expect himself to, not in this context. Your thumb and index finger examined his Adam’s apple, and it slipped away from your touch as he swallowed and chuckled awkwardly. The pulse in his neck quickened under your hand, and you paused for a moment, your lips curving in a soft, knowing smile.

“You’re doing great,” you whispered, your voice soothing, though you couldn’t help the subtle tone of praise he had granted you so many times when his hands travelled across your body with equal care. “Just breathe.”

“I am,” Viktor replied, his breath there, yet hitching as you moved to his collarbone, the tips of your fingers brushing the hollow above it before trailing the length of the bone. His skin prickled under your touch, and he found himself sinking further into the couch, his limbs loosening as if you had found a secret way to unlock him.

You kept working, holding on to your focus, but Viktor couldn’t take his eyes off you. The way your hands moved—deliberate, confident, as though you were committing every inch of him to memory—was so utterly erotic, so private. The soft furrow of concentration in your brow, the way your lips parted slightly as you worked, the occasional tilt of your head as you checked your progress against the clay—all of it was unbearably intimate, the dummy becoming a labour of love under your steady hand.

His own reaction caught him off guard. His breathing grew heavier, less controlled, his chest rising and falling with a rhythm he couldn’t mask. A flush crept up his neck, and he wondered if this was what you felt like when he had you pinned to the mattress.

You paused, brushing your thumb against the side of his throat. “You’re warm,” you remarked softly, tilting your head toward him. “Is this too much?”

Viktor smiled stupidly to himself, though his voice was low and rough. “Not at all. Just—unexpected.”

You chuckled lightly, your breath skimming his cheek as you leaned closer to reach the other side of his neck. “Unexpected— good or bad?” you asked, echoing his earlier words.

“Unexpected perfect,” he murmured, placing his hand over yours and craning his neck to kiss your jaw. It was utterly disarming—what it felt like to be touched for the sole purpose of being memorised.

You smiled to yourself as your hand moved lower, homing in on the flow of Viktor’s form. The tips of your fingers trailed down his chest, pausing to trace the curve of his clavicle before brushing over the flat planes of his sternum. You gave it a firm press, mechanically forcing out the breath Viktor had been holding. You could feel his heart thundering under your fingers, and it made you lick your lips. Here, his skin was thinner, more flexible, with a speckle of tiny bumps you knew to be his freckles.

Viktor exhaled under the pressure of your palm, and you could hear him chuckle nervously. A soft smile tugged at your lips as you allowed your hand to ghost over the defined ridges of his ribs, your fingers tracing just enough to make him shiver under the tickle. The motion was slow, deliberate, your palm spreading over the warmth of his chest as though mapping the heartbeat beneath.

“You’re tense,” you murmured, your eyebrows arching, cheeks rising in an involuntary smirk.

“I wonder why,” he replied, his voice softer now, laced with dry humour and vulnerability he judged was not worth hiding anymore. He felt himself slowly being disassembled to parts, the tiniest fractions of his being, each held to the light in the safety of your hands.

His cheeks were burning and his forehead dampening as you took your time, letting your hand move lower to the flat plane of his stomach. His muscles tensed instinctively, his tummy sucking in as if too shy to be touched, his body responding before his mind could catch up.

“Relax,” you coaxed, your voice as gentle as your touch, and he let out a quiet, shaky exhale as if obeying your command.

The curve of your fingers moved over his stomach to the sides, giving him a firm squeeze to follow your words. His breath steadied only for a moment before you slid your palm flat on the V-line of his underbelly, tracing the trail of hair disappearing under his trousers. Viktor let out a breathy moan, his spine flexing into your touch as he murmured an embarrassed, “Sorry,” the sound catching in his throat. His hands gripped the edge of the couch, his knuckles pale as he worked to steady himself. “I don’t believe I’ve been this flustered in years,” he laughed breathlessly.

“I shall make a mental note of that,” you whispered with a smile, and you could hear him chuckle again.

Your fingers continued their roam, brushing along the sharp lines of his hips, where the bone protruded just enough to catch the light. The fabric of his trousers shifted slightly under your fingertips, and Viktor shifted with it, a quiet gasp leaving him before he bit down on his lower lip.

The warmth beneath your hand grew, heat radiating from him in waves. His chest rose and fell in an unsteady rhythm, and his eyes—half-lidded and hazy—watched your every movement as if he couldn’t look away.

“You’re quite sensitive, you know,” you teased softly, the curve of a grin in your voice. You could feel the dummy slowly giving in, moulding into the shape of Viktor, his curves and sharp angles, as you mirrored each of your movements.

“Sensitive, am I?” he rasped, though his tone lacked its usual sharpness. It was warm, pliant, as if every word came from somewhere deeper than his throat.

Your fingers brushed the ridge of his hipbone, and Viktor’s breath faltered again, his hands twitching as though he wasn’t sure whether to still them or reach for you. “You’re certainly proving it,” you replied, your voice low, tenderly teasing.

Viktor swallowed thickly, his head tilting back against the couch with a soft thud. “I think I need you to kiss me,” he murmured, his accent thickening as his restraint faltered further.

You chuckled quietly, withdrawing your hand but letting it rest lightly against his side. “Hmm. Do I have your consent?”

He glanced at you from the corner of his eye, the faintest trace of a smirk tugging at his lips. “W-what? I just asked you.”

“Well, I’d rather make sure. I am no Picasso. This was supposed to be professional; I will remind you,” you said, your feigned seriousness accentuated by taps of your finger against his belly.

Viktor’s eyes darkened slightly at that, his gaze dropping to your lips as he said in a pained voice, “Please don’t tell me you would touch anyone else like this, because I will lose my mind.”

You leaned back, your hands stilling for the first time. “I would never,�� you whispered. You pulled out your clean hand to caress his cheek, but his arms were faster as he yanked you into a hungry kiss, smearing some of the cold clay on his chest.

Still holding you close, Viktor let out a soft laugh, running his fingers through his hair as if to ground himself. “I think I would be a terrible model,” he joked, though his voice carried the faint tremor of someone not quite recovered.

“I think you did wonderfully. And I’ve learned a thing or two,” you hummed, your lips finding his nose to place a peck on it. Which reminded you, “Oh. I forgot to trace your nose.”

“Shall I book an extra session for that?” He teased, his tone coming back to himself as his hands slid up and down your back.

“Definitely. Though I think this particular session we should move home. I am feeling very inspired.”

[the---hermit]

05|06|2024

New day new struggles working on this history paper. I cannot stress enough how stressed I am about how bad the new research interface of my uni is, I feel like ever since they did the big update it's super complicated to get results that have to do with what you are looking for and that are accessible too. Moreover no one cares about this topic because I genuinely cannot find anything. I have found a couple of articles to help me with context but not much. By the end of the week I plan on finishing reading and highlighting what resources I have found and then I'll see what I can make of them, and get back to the professor. I am procrastinating emailing her back because I have no idea what to say tbh. My English lit review on the other hand is going pretty well, and reviewing in the afternoons seems to be a good plan. Since I am a bit more tired having to review out loud helps me with staying focused, and I also don't have to read historical sources all day, or else I'd lose my mind. This afternoon I struggled to stay focused anyway, but at least I got some stuff done, if I had to continue my history research I wouldn't have done anything probably. My brain is just very very tired again.

Today's productivity:

started my morning with an audiobook

more struggling looking for historical sources (I found a couple more but I am keeping those for the very end because they are once again not 100% relevant to what I have to do)

read and highlighted quite a few sources I downloaded at the beginning of the week (a couple were more or less useful a couple were a waste of time, but maybe I'll quote a couple of context details in the end, who knows. At the moment I only need to read two more and then I am done with my first round of secondary sources, but one of those might get deleated because I'm pretty sure is totally useless)

got to practice my French because of a couple of said historical sources, and wrote down the new words I learned today (surprisingly my understaning is better than I expected giving that I have not used my French in years, I should really get back to it more seriously)

continued my first outloud review of all my English lit materials (today I started working on the Shakespeare part, it will take a couple of days to finish it, especially bc today I didn't do as much as I had hoped)

wrote a little summary of a couple of sentences for all the scenes of The Merchant Of Venice in order to review it without having to reread it for the fourth time

[suzukiblu]

this is a question that is not meant to come off as judgemental, and if it does i apologise and you don’t have to answer

for you, or anyone out there in the world if they see this,

What is the appeal of (the?) Omegaverse?

Ive never quite gotten it? And it might be the big bold orange, blue and white letters spelling out aroace, or being european, younger than most people who are knowledgeable about that particular genre of content (still 18+) and while I did get on the internet at 11, I didn’t start reading fanfic until 14-15

this is a long and rambly ask so I just want to clarify, this is a genuine question I would like an answer to, no matter how short and sweet, or long and convoluted it may be

It's all good, I don't mind getting questions! And, like, I've written a LOT of omegaverse, so it's a thoroughly relevant question to this blog, haha.

. . . and this definitely wound up long and convoluted. So like, yeah, we are SO gonna need a read-more here, friend. 😅

Obviously everyone's gonna have their own reasons for liking the genre, but as another (much older, I'm assuming) aroace, for me the appeal is the opportunity to use the tag "Fantasy Gender Roles". Like, there's other stuff there, def, but "Fantasy Gender Roles" is my favorite part. Omegaverse is a game where the rules are made-up and the points don't matter, and you can interpret and re-interpret the involved sexes and genders however the heck you wanna, and in fact are ENCOURAGED to. I also really like certain tropes that are common to the genre, like pack dynamics and breeding kink and having babies and feral behavior and courting/courting rituals, I just really enjoy playing with and reading about all of those.

Also, the worldbuilding. I get to do ✨GENDER-BASED WORLDBUILDING✨.

And obvi, like, some people are just into omegaverse for the kink/porn factor, which is totally fair, but personally I am here for ✨GENDER-BASED WORLDBUILDING✨. And then also the kink/porn. Generally speaking a recurring comment I've gotten from a lot of readers is "I literally hate omegaverse but I love yours", so a lot of my stuff is allegedly a decent jumping-on point for the genre if you're looking for that. Like, I'm not the only person who writes omegaverse the way I do, obviously, just I'm a pretty accessible one who's written a LOT of it.

( and in the event you DO want any jumping-on omegaverse recs from my stuff, I'mma just pop a few of them from various fandoms here. no DC-related ones 'cuz I don't have any of those currently on AO3, only scattered in my WIP tags, but hopefully something helpful will be in here. )

original fic

to the victor go the spoils - human omega OMC/dragon [ GENDER NOT FOUND ] OMC; 16.7k; explicit Fantasy AU. This one includes porn but honestly the heart of it is just one of those fairy tales where the protagonist is somehow both incredibly genre-savvy in their story and yet still a total fucking idiot about other people's feelings, and especially considering it's original fic, it is honestly one of the most popular things I've ever posted, hah.

The dragon arrived early in the morning, and by noon the entire village was in a panic in the town hall. No one in the village knew anything about dragons, aside from what they’d heard in fairy tales and stories, and the plans for dealing with it were about that level of sophisticated.

“We’re not sacrificing a virgin to the dragon,” Viktor said in exasperation.

“Well what would YOU do?!” the mayor demanded.

“I’m going to go talk to it,” Viktor said reasonably, and got up from his seat and went to do just that.

.

Avatar: The Last Airbender

does the pain feel better when I'm around? - beta!Sokka/omega!Zuko, beta!Sokka/beta!Suki, past alpha!Mai/omega!Zuko, polyamory; 3k; teen Societal dynamics-focused fic. Zuko goes into heat at the Western Air Temple immediately after the Boiling Rock happens and goes off to den down alone and stay out of everyone's way without realizing that the local betas are gonna lose their ever-lovin' MINDS about that.

“Cool,” he says. “You realize we’ve been looking for you for, like, two HOURS, right?”

“Why?” Zuko asks, sounding confused, which is kind of sad.

“Because the world is full of people who wanna kill you and you didn’t bother telling anyone where you were going?” Sokka says. “Obviously?”

“Oh.” Zuko falls silent. Sokka glances moonwards in supplication. Yue save him from dumb, dumb firebenders.

every act of communication is a miracle of translation - alpha!Mai/omega!Zuko; 5.7k; teen Post-series fic where Mai and Zuko are about to spend their first cycle together and they're both really awkward about working out how it should go. Not actually a sequel to "does the pain feel better when I'm around?", but you could definitely draw a relationship between 'em.

They leave the office, Mai pretending that all her senses aren’t full of Zuko’s warm, spicy scent, and he keeps looking worried. She wonders if it’s THIS he’s worried about, now that she’s thinking about it. They agreed they’d share their next cycles together, but again, they haven’t really talked about it.

They can talk about it now, Mai thinks.

Unfortunately, that means now they actually have to talk about it.

.

Overwatch

even if I do I don't, even if I could I won't - omega!Genji/beta!the-character-who-was-at-the-time-I-wrote-this-fic-known-as-McCree; 5.1k; explicit Blackwatch-era fic where Genji did not fill out his heat partner designation forms and "Fuck or Suffer Unspecified Health Consequences" is gonna make that a problem. Worldbuilding, assisted negotiation, a touch of workplace-influenced pack dynamics, and porn.

“Yeah, you’re hilarious, kid,” Gabe says. “Get back to work. And Shimada, call your heat partner and we’ll see you next week.”

Shimada’s shoulders tense. Gabe . . . pauses.

“Shimada,” he says slowly. “PLEASE tell me you have a heat partner on base.”

“I have a heat partner on base,” Shimada lies. Gabe and Jesse both stare at him, then Gabe calls up his file, takes one look at it, and starts cursing.

don't, don't, don't let's start (I've got a weak heart) - alpha!Genji/omega!the-character-who-was-at-the-time-I-wrote-this-fic-known-as-McCree; 17.3k; explicit Blackwatch-era fic about Genji and the character formerly known as McCree dealing with their complicated feelings about each other and also the cybernetics and trauma and physical disabilities that are fucking up their sex life, including ED.

“You busy?” he asks. Genji stares at him in bemusement, which is fair. Genji’s only ever busy when they’re on a mission or he’s in the middle of an upgrade. “Dumb question. My heat’s coming on, wanna do me a favor?”

“What favor?” Genji asks, still looking mystified. Jesse tries not to laugh at him.

“The obvious one,” he says meaningfully, tipping his hat back and raising his eyebrows at him. Genji looks no less mystified for a moment, then startles. “THERE we go."

.

Marvel Cinematic Universe

come hang (let's go out with a bang) - omega!Darcy Lewis/omega!Johnny Storm; 5k; teen Darcy almost dies again, tries to figure out which omega buys the courting gifts in an omega/omega relationship, and has her first date with a super-hot superhero.

“Was there traffic?” Jane asks.

“I have a date with Johnny Storm,” Darcy says.

“What?” Jane says.

“Oh, and I almost died again,” Darcy says, pulling out Jane’s papers for her. “But that’s kind of secondary.”

“WHAT?!”

pack up, don't stray (oh say say say) - alpha!Natasha + polyamory; 3.4k; teen Natasha collects a harem pack and Captain America is fucking difficult about it.

Natasha is an alpha on a mission, and that mission is simple and clear.

I said you're holding back, she said shut up and dance with me - alpha!Peggy/omega!Steve/omega!Bucky; 10.3k; mature Alternate timeline where Steve and Bucky don't "die" and they all run away from the States to get married and start a family. Illegal adoption and biokids and lowkey pack dynamics involving figuring out how to fold pups into their lives, oh my!! And also, they all get to dance.

“One alpha mating two omegas? Really, Steve?” Peggy asks, mouth quirking wryly. “What WOULD the newsreels say?”

“We’ll go to France,” Steve says. “No one will care in France.”

“I do love France,” she muses.

oh don't you dare hold back, just keep your eyes on me - alpha!Darcy/omega!Bucky, polyamory; 187.4k; explicit MY MAGNUM OPUS, MY WHITE WHALE, THE LITERAL REASON OMEGAVERSE TOOK OVER HALF MY BLOG FOR HALF MY STINT IN MCU FANDOM. I wanted a goddamn female alpha and I wanted that female alpha to be Darcy Lewis, and Bucky was my fave blorbo at the time so the inevitable happened. The inevitable happened for three and a half years and 187,430 words, to be more precise.

Darcy is thirty feet out of Stark-cum-Avengers Tower when she starts craving cinnamon rolls--the sticky-sweet iced-up old-fashioned kind, yummy and messy and dripping gooshy icing all over your mouth and hands and down your yuuuup, yup, that is a super, super fertile omega that she is smelling, holy SHIT is it ever.

“Jesus Christ,” she groans in frustration, then follows her alpha instincts (and, more easily and importantly, her NOSE) to go track them down. They’re in the middle of New York City; middle of the day or not, not checking on somebody who smells like THAT is, like, the ultimate dick move.

.

OKAY SELF THAT'S ENOUGH LINKS, WE MOVE ON NOW, haha.

I will also say, if you're interested in, like, gender-exploratory AU concepts, apiary genders might be more your thing and more easily accessible for you? It's a MUCH newer thing than omegaverse and really only has a few fics around, some of which are linked in the "inspired by" of that AO3 primer linked above, but the concept is a bit more strongly "hive"-based than a lot of omegaverse is "pack"-based, and also there's no physical differences from baseline. I've got a WIP or two going about apiary myself, actually, but I haven't gotten too far into them yet, alas. The only one I've posted anything from is this one Superbat one.

[ask-the-rag-dolly]

Genuine question, how does one deal with someone being so insistent on their lack of (self-)worth? Not to vent too much, but I grew up with someone who was at least as bad, if not worse than Ragatha. I developed similar habits (this comic is a painful reminder of that) and my friends also tend to struggle with these feelings. But I never know how to deal with these issues, and it just leaves me feeling helpless.

I believe you‘re not a psychologist and it‘s fine if you don‘t want to answer this. But if you do have some advice or resources on this topic, I‘d love to know about it.

hi !

you're right , i am Not a psychologist ! my only credential is pretty much having it as my special interest of many years , so ... ! obligatory ' take this with a grain of salt ' disclaimer

i'm only answering this ask because i do like talking about these kinds of stuff ( in fact i'm in the middle of writing another psychology infographic with ragatha because of Course i am , ) and it's Relevant right now ... but for the most part i am literally just a stranger on the internet and thus i'll only be giving out general advice !! any specifics of the situation are stuff you'll need to figure out yourself

number one thing is that you should Always Take Care Of Yourself . it may be hard to admit , but these types of people can actually be Emotionally Draining - and i'm saying that as someone who had to deal with those people myself . and well you don't want to accidentally say things that make them feel worse

second thing is that a lot of it is ... really the other person's effort . all you can do is be supportive and gently encourage them . what took me so long to accept is that no amount of words or compliments will lift someone's self-esteem up - while it helps , it really has to come from Within , and that's something that'll take months or Years to build up . you can't force someone to start loving themself - and that's a hard pill to swallow

and the third thing is that ... well . there's a possibility that it could be a symptom of a mental disorder and thus you should encourage them to seek professional help . i am aware that the option is not available for everyone though , but i think recognizing that it might be a mental problem might take the burden off of you a little - as they're not really things a non-professional should handle .

as for resources , this article was extensive about this topic , including recognizing where the low self-esteem comes from , what Not to say to someone with low self-esteem , and tips that'll help the person ! very wonderful to read .

this article is for partners but i think it applies to people you're close with in general . what i like about it is how it Encourages open communication and listening . something you'll realize is that it's Different for everybody and it's good to learn more about the problem than jumping to a hasty solution or making assumptions . also it encourages them to talk more about their Feelings and talking about your feelings is what Very Cool And Hot People Do !

oh God sorry for the long post this should be enough to give me a diagnosis -

[certifiedsexed]

hi! i sent in an ask about this a while ago (maybe a month?), i'm not sure what happened to it but i figure it doesnt hurt to resubmit.

do you know of any alternate terms for amab/afab? this is such a silly reason, but i collect characters, and i like writing as 'realistic' of a profile for them as i can. but i don't like explicitly saying 'this character was born with a penis' but i like having their biological sex as a detail, because it's a detail a real person would have. i would use the terms amab/afab to denote what a character's bio sex is (or if they're binary, i would say cis/trans). but i read that agab terms are intersex-exclusive, which admittedly hadn't crossed my mind, even though i have intersex characters. so i'm looking for if there are any alternatives to 'this character was born with just a penis' without saying... you know, exactly that. it has a different connotation, especially when writing character profiles and not, ex, a personal bio.

thank you for running this blog! i have limited access to good information where i am and this blog has definitely helped a ton 😊

Hello!

Tbh, I have a frankly unfathomble amount of asks so it probably just got buried but you're right, it absolutely never hurts to resubmit, I don't mind in the least.

Well, here's the thing: "biological sex" is not a real thing and is not the same as "this character was born with a penis/vagina". It's often used to discriminate against trans/intersex people.

In fact, the term "biological sex" was made up to describe something that doesn't exist, AKA "sex" as an unchangeable, completely binary thing and its also a transphobic/intersexist dogwhistle, so I'd definitely advise against using it!

Secondly, AGAB terms are not inherently intersex-exclusive but the way you were using them And the way you're using "bio sex" certainly is.

AGAB was a term meant to be used to discuss how sex is just something assigned to people, often at birth, making a million and one assumptions about what their body [and in fact place in society] "should" be and in fact, part of a process of forcing people's bodies and lives to conform to a violent binary system.

If I'm not incorrect, it was created by intersex people. It's just often used incorrectly. It doesn't mean "someone who was assigned X was born with X genitals", which is where you've gotten mixed up; that would definitely be intersex-exclusive!

Now, if you're looking for alternatives to saying "this character was born with a penis/vagina", that's kind of out of my wheelhouse. Mark a "P" or "V" beside their name or something, maybe?

I wish I could be more helpful but I'm genuinely kind of stuck on this. I'm not sure why you need a euphemism for your personal bios of your characters and I'm not sure why it's relevant to note this for every nonbinary character you have.

(I'm also confused on the trans/cis note for your "binary" characters. Like, that also does not tell you what genitals they have/had if you're including intersex people. Do the genitals only matter for the nonbinary characters?)

I'm genuinely not trying to be an ass, I'm just confused. Maybe let me know if you have any other questions?

You're very welcome btw, I'm glad I've been able to help on other matters! <3

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Role Reversal

Roman kept mentioning that he doesn’t like transformations and it kept reminding me of Patton turning into a giant frog and Janus disguising himself as other sides. It would be very cool and epic if you could make some Roman angst based off this concept (no pressure obviously) – anon

The song "I Am in Great Pain, Please Help Me" by Crywank reminds me so much of Roman (specifically, your brand of Roman angst). I was wondering if you had the spoons for it, to write something inspired by it? No pressure to, ofc! – anon

Perhaps something where Roman is comforting Logan and then after Roman leaves, Logan is like, “Wait, shit, I should have been comforting YOU!”. You know the scene in What Makes A Perfect Gift where Logan asks for Roman’s input and Roman looks genuinely surprised? The angst potential for Roman not thinking he’s needed at a BRAINSTORM is so slept on. I know you’ve had a lot of Roman angst asks lately so I understand if you don’t want to do it, but I definitely wanted to ask just in case! – anon

Roman angst disguised as Logan centric. Logan Sherlock fic about him trying to figure out why Thomas’s mental health is so bad. – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: roman being insecure, logan being insecure

Pairings: logince can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count: 3143

Logan feels stressed about Thomas's mental health and goes to Roman for help discussing a possible upcoming video, only for Roman to accurately guess that Logan's feeling insecure about his own role in keeping Thomas happy and healthy. Little does Logan know: there's more going on than meets the eye and it isn't until later that he realizes Roman's far more fragile than anyone could've guessed. After that, well, there's really only one course of action.

If Logan had not been paying very, very close attention, there is every possibility that he could have missed it.

He almost did; despite being entirely focused on his goal, he has to admit that it wasn't something he saw as necessarily related, and as such, dismissed initially as not relevant to solving the problem of why Thomas's mental health had been in a steady decline since the wedding. However, upon further reflection, he can conclude that not only was the sudden tightening of Roman's expression related, it was most likely the strongest indicator he's seen since he began.

"Sorry, Specs, I think my hearing cut out of a second there." Roman scratches the back of his head almost sheepishly. "Can you—can you say that one more time?"

"I believe it would be helpful for Thomas for us to do another 'low-key' video, as it were, and for you and I to work together."

"Yes, I heard that part."

"As we want to focus on recapturing some of Thomas's whimsy and zest for life—" here Roman's expression quirks towards amusement— "it would be apt for you to try and recreate some of the dreams Thomas has held onto in the past."

"Right, but not like—"

"Including transforming into those he aspired to be or the roles he aspired to fill," Logan finishes, frowning when there's that momentary tightness in Roman's smile again, "do you concur?"

"I—so I'm all for helping Thomas fall in love with his dreams again, you know, but, um…" He twists his fingers together. "I'm not sure that this is…the best way to do it?"

"You are the embodiment of Thomas's Hopes and Dreams. Who else would be better equipped to help me?"

Roman blinks as if he hadn't been expecting the comment. Which is in and of itself a little odd; Roman typically never passes up the opportunity to remind them of his standing in Thomas's psyche, nor to claim credit for half of the things Thomas does even when it's far more of a group effort. "Right, but I don't see how me turning into various things would be helpful."

"Thomas is a very visual learner. It's been proven in the past via various theater productions and other activities that he thrives in environments where he can immerse himself in what it is he's doing. By having you, his Creativity, directly mimic the dreams he wishes or wished to obtain, we draw a more substantial connection between the Thomas that he is now and the Thomas he aspires to be."

Roman's mouth works. Logan frowns.

"If you have something you want to say, Roman, by all means, speak your mind. This brainstorm won't be nearly as successful if only one of us is contributing."

"Where is this coming from, Logan?"

"I'm not quite sure what you mean."

"This." Roman gestures back and forth between them. "This sudden need to 'fix' Thomas. You've been pretty clear with the rest of us that you don't think staying 'in his head' would be helpful, not when you're working so hard on your lists that you want him to do."

"Well, it's been pretty clear those aren't working, so—"

"But they have been. You know they have been—we all celebrated when Thomas finally managed to clean his kitchen and you were right, he did feel better afterwards. Your methods were working, are working."

Logan swallows. He did feel very accomplished after the last bowl had been placed in the cupboard, and no one had been happier than he when Thomas not only made himself dinner but cleaned up afterwards, but this was different. "Thomas deserves the drive to go after what he wants as well as doing the maintenance required to sustain his current lifestyle."

Roman nods. "And what sorts of things are those?"

"Roman, I don't understand—"

"Please," he interrupts, holding up his hands, "humor me?"

"You're the one who's Hopes and Dreams," he protests feebly, "you're Creativity. I'm not going to be good at coming up with them."

"Just try. You're better at it than you think."

"O-oh." He blinks. "Thank you, Roman."

"Of course."

"Uh—well, I think Thomas has a passion for filmmaking that he hasn't fully realized in shooting the YouTube videos due to the constraints of the channel."

"Okay."

"He's been enjoying doing the modeling shoots for Instagram as well. And he has a few shows that he wants to catch up on—not a dream, I know, but something he wants to do."

"That's good, Logan. What else?"

"Does he still have the dream of being an actor? On a more professional level?"

"I believe so, yes."

"Well, there you are, then."

Roman nods. "And if we go off of your transformation idea, what—what exactly would I be transforming into?"

He furrows his brow. "Well, you would be—if you were doing—I suppose you—ah. I see your point."

"It's not that there's something Thomas isn't that we need to make him into," Roman says quietly, "we can just remind him of the things that are already inside him that he can chase and pursue."

"…that is a very valid conclusion to have reached."

"He doesn't have to work all the time—I think both you and I know the dangers of letting yourself believe you can," he says with a gentle nudge to Logan's shoulder, "he can give himself time to rest and work on things that he wants to, not things that he has to."

"And I suppose making another video would be counterproductive to this aim, as it requires a level of work that would not be outweighed by the reassurance it might provide."

"I don't know if I would've said it nearly as well as you, but yeah, pretty much."

Logan sighs, closing his notebook with an almost despondent flap. "Then I suppose I have nothing else to work on."

"Good."

He frowns at Roman. "'Good?'"

"Well, now that means you can do the things that you want to do."

"M-me? What on earth are you talking about?"

"Did we not just go over how important it is to not be consumed by work all the time?"

"Well, yes, but—"

"Did we not just talk about how it's necessary to rest and do the things you want to do from time to time?"

"I don't—"

"Did you not just say that you have nothing else to work on right now?"

"I know what you're doing," he says, meaning for it to come out accusatory and missing dreadfully, "it's not going to work."

"Me convincing you to take time for yourself and enjoy spending your time how you want to spend it isn't going to work?" Roman grins, leaning forward onto his elbows, propping his chin on his hands. "Are you sure?"

"Roman," he warns.

"What? It's not like I was the only one who came to this conclusion about Thomas a second ago, you were instrumental in figuring it out, Specs."

"Roman."

"And we all know that you're way smarter than I am, so if you're going to take your own advice—which you should, then—"

"Alright!" Roman laughs as Logan buries his face in his hands, trying not to smile too obviously at the praise or blush from how many compliments Roman's just given him, "you've made your point, you can stop now."

"I think you mean I've just reiterated your point, but that's alright." A warm hand pats his shoulder. "You're doing great, Logan. You don't have to stress out about this right now. Thomas has earned a break and so have you, okay?"

"…I suppose there are a few things I've been waiting to do that could occupy my time."

"There you go!" Roman claps his hands and gets up, affectionately ruffling Logan's hair and dodging his attempts to swat him. "Let me know how it goes, I'd love to hear about whatever you're working on."

Logan aims another swat at his shoulder and misses, watching Roman sink out. He shakes his head, unable to keep the growing smile off his face as he thinks about his own projects. Yes, there are several things he could do, he could work on refining the data for the experiment, he could read that study he's been eyeing for a few days, he could look over the manuscript he's drafting…

It isn't until he gets back to his room with a different notebook open on his desk that he pauses.

Why had Roman been upset at the suggestion of transformation?

They had agreed upon resting and doing what they wanted, letting Thomas do what he wanted. They had agreed that resting was good, pursuing one's own passions was good. What about transformations had rankled Roman so? He hadn't directly addressed it—something virtually unheard of for Roman. Perhaps it had been something to do with the act of transforming itself? But no, Roman had always been among the first to thrill at being someone else, or pretending to be someone else. What had caused such a dramatic shift?

What sorts of transformations had they done recently? There had been the whole thing with Remus—Logan suppresses a shudder as he remembers Remus's song and everything that happened in it—but Roman had been unconscious for most of it. Aside from that, it had been…

Well, Janus had been transforming into them more often than not, but that was him, mostly, not Roman. And Patton had become the giant frog, but that hadn't really affected Roman that much either. No, the last time Roman had been the one transforming, it had been…for…

Logan stands up, eyes still fixed on a point in the distance as his mind races.

Roman hadn't transformed for himself. It had always been at the whim of someone else. Roman was Hopes and Dreams—Thomas's Hopes and Dreams. Roman did things for Thomas. He was Thomas's wants. Despite how often they all called him selfish, he…he didn't really fight for the things that he wanted.

Could he name a single thing that Roman wanted that wasn't something for Thomas?

I think you and I both know the dangers of believing you can work all the time.

There's nothing that Thomas isn't that we need to make him into.

"Oh, Roman," he whispers into the quiet room, "when did you get so good at hiding?"

He doesn't want to know the answer, but his mind is already coming up with a helpful list of every time he can remember where Roman let himself get pushed to the side, overruled, scolded, overlooked, for the sake of someone else. He thinks about the times where Roman had been obviously uncomfortable with what they wanted him to do, and then did it anyway. He thinks about how long it's been since he's actually heard Roman say what he wanted, not what Thomas wanted, not what Patton or Janus or even he wanted.

How long has it been since someone wanted Roman for Roman?

He looks back down at his desk and pulls out a different notebook. He's underestimated Roman. He won't go into this upcoming conversation unprepared.

***

He knocks on Roman's door as softly as he can, waiting for the quiet come in to push it open. Roman looks up from his—

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, no.

"Oh, Roman," he murmurs before he can stop himself, crouching next to Roman's slumped figure and carding a hand through his hair, "I'm so sorry."

"N-no, I'm sorry, 'm sorry, I can—" he scrubs a hand harshly across his face— "it's fine. What, um, what do you—"

Another sob interrupts him before he can finish asking if Logan needs anything, which only makes his chest ache all the more. He eases himself down next to Roman's buckled legs and wraps a comforting arm around his shoulders, pulling him close enough to wipe a thumb across his cheek.

"Shh," he says when Roman tries to speak again, "don't stress yourself. I'm not here for anything other than this, little one."

The pet name rolls off his tongue before he can stop it, but at the slightly wounded noise that leaves Roman's lips, he resolves to use them as often as he can. He scratches his nails lightly against his scalp, shushing him again when he tries to stifle another sob.

"I'm here because I realized I'd hurt you earlier," he continues, still speaking gently, "and I did not attempt to comfort you in any way. No, no—don't pull away from me, dear. Shh, don't fret, don't fret, I'm not upset—look at me, Roman, do I look upset?"

Roman's eyes, still filled with tears, roam frantically over his face. Logan keeps his expression as soft and open as he can, letting the concern write itself plainly over the furrow in his brow. After another moment, Roman sniffles and he's already reaching for the tissue box he can see perched haphazardly on the end of the desk. He takes it with a grateful mumble and blows his nose with a honk.

"You were right. You don't need to change to be worth something, or to be fixed. You don't need to become something you're not—oh, darling, hush, now," he says when Roman's eyes grow wide with distress, "I'm not angry, I'm not—oh, you poor thing."

For Roman had begun to sob in earnest, trying in equal parts to pull away from Logan's embrace and push himself near into his chest. Logan slides an arm under his legs and pulls them into his lap, tucking Roman's face into the crook of his neck and kissing the crown of his head. There's a moment where Roman tenses and he fears he might pull away, but then he all but collapses into him and buries his nose in Logan's shirt.

"There you go, little one, shh, it's alright. You can cry, crying is good. You're alright, you're safe, I'm right here." He runs his hand up and down Roman's back. "Shh, shh, that's it…that's it, my dear."

"Sorry—'m so sorry—"

"Shh-shh-shh, no apologies from you, not about this. You're overwhelmed and overworked, it's perfectly alright for you to be emotional right now. You can let it out, I don't mind at all. In fact, I'm here to help."

"Help?"

"Mm. You took great pains to comfort me earlier, even when I did not ask, and you," and here he gives Roman a little shake, "have not let anyone comfort you in quite a long time. So yes, I am here to comfort you, to help, and if that means letting you cry in my lap for as long as you need, then that is what I shall do."

"It's so hard," comes the sniffling whisper from under his chin, "I keep—I keep trying to be what they want but they don't know what they want and then it's my fault and I can't—they keep changing and wanting me to change and I can't—"

"Shh, shh…hush, my dear, it's alright. That's right, just let me hold you…"

They spend a great deal of time like that, curled up on the floor. Logan keeps carding his hand through Roman's hair, soothing away the more violent of sobs with gentle touches up and down his back or patting his chest. How long has Roman been holding this in? How long has it been since their prince has let himself fall apart without remorse? And how long has it been since they took pains enough to notice?

He pulls himself from his own thoughts when Roman's head turns, bumping slightly against his chin. He tilts his head to press a kiss to his temple, leaning back just enough to see the blotchy face come into view. Taking another tissue, he carefully dabs up the last of the tears he can see, holding it so Roman can blow his nose again.

"…thanks, Logan."

"Of course, my dear." He raises an eyebrow at the little shudder that goes through him. "No?"

"N-no, yes. Yes. Very much yes. Sorry."

"None of that now, my dear. Do you feel any better?"

"A little bit."

"That's excellent. Shall we sit here for a little longer, or do you want to move somewhere a little more comfortable?"

"C-can we just stay here for a little longer?"

"Of course we can." He runs his thumb over Roman's cheek again. "I am truly sorry it took me so long to figure out what was going on, little one. But I'm here now."

Roman averts his gaze and once again Logan is struck by how different Roman is right now; no longer does he see their fiery prince who so eloquently made him take his own advice mere hours ago, instead he sees a shell of a Side who shies away from a gentle touch like a dog too scared to eat. The comparison alone is enough to coax him to lean forward and kiss his cheek, cuddling him against his chest.

"I'm here now," he repeats, "let me look after you."

"You will?"

"Yes, Roman, I will. I'm right here—" he pulls him a little closer— "I've got you, little one, you're alright."

"I don't know what to do."

"Right now?"

"…anymore."

Logan's heart clenches in his chest and he forces the ache away, running his thumb over his cheek once more. "Well, what do you want to do right now?"

"I want to stay here."

"Then we shall stay here. And when you're ready to figure out what you want to do next," he says, adjusting them until they're both comfortable as can be, "I will be here to help."

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[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

2025 TBR 📚

thank you @evilovesyou for tagging me! loved your post, lots to discover there...

BOOKS THAT ARE CURRENTLY ON MY NIGHTSTAND

shuggie bain - douglas stuart

i'm about halfway through this novel that i've been dying to read for a while now. i read young mungo, stuart's second novel, last year and it was an instant favorite of mine. and now i am absolutely devouring this one. it's set in glasgow, following the life of shuggie as he grows up with a mother that struggles very heavily with alcoholism. the hard life, described with love, without looking away from all the ugly parts, is what captivates me.

ulysses - james joyce

it is a huge goal in life to finish ulysses. i started a while ago (like.. 1,5 years ago) and now i'm about 1/3rd of the way through. i really enjoy it, but i don't have the proper brain for it every night. i know i will finish it eventually, because when i do have the right brain, i enjoy it a lot

after the revolution - robert evans

this is on my phone, for when i'm on the go and didn't bring a physical book. it's written by one of my favorite podcast hosts ever, and so far it's an interesting look into his brain tbh. it's an imagination of what the us would look like in the future, maybe fifty years from now, after a huge revolution has taken place and the country is split into warring factions. relevant... perhaps. (you can download it here if you want bc he is just like that)

BOOKS THAT I WANT TO READ AGAIN

i think i want to read the song of achilles again at some point. but i don't know. i think at this point in my life i'm so excited about reading new books, that i don't want to reread things just yet! but i have a few books i read when i was a lot younger and would like to read again, which will genuinely feel like i'm reading them for the first time. like some of the vonnegut ones i read almost ten years ago, or brideshead revisited, which i read before i was as adept as i am now at properly sussing out all the queer signalling.

BOOKS THAT I HAVE HAD FOR AN EMBARRASSING AMOUNT OF TIME WITHOUT FINISHING/READING THEM

books that i have started for a long time but haven't finished: ulysses huehuehuehueue buuuuut also lanark by alasdair gray. i've read it almost all the way through three times now lol, once for school and then twice since. i am captivated by this author's writing, since one of his other novels (something leather) is one of my favs of all time, but this is a brick of a book, set in a new world with a lot of unfamiliar scenes described in complicated language so... yeah. not an easy read. but i am determined to, at some point, read it all the way to the end.

as for the books that i've owned for ages but haven't read: the beat hotel - barry miles. i had a huge beat generation phase as a teen and i am actually still set on reading up on all of them. i have books that i bought back then and just never read past the first chapters. no idea why. third one in this line-up is a swim in a pond in the rain, which is basically literary theory poured into a nice book. it analyses scenes from russian literature. i once read a good chunk of it and loved it!!! and then i stopped lol. i had a major reading slump after 2019 ngl, which i'm only just coming back from. (so far i'm back up to speed when it comes to fiction, but non-fiction still needs a push, clearly)

BOOKS THAT I ALREADY OWN THAT I AM EXCITED TO READ

here's three, even though there are a lot more. my bookcase is a mess. but this year stephen fry is coming to my city to do a reading about mythos, so i will probably be reading that one first. i own troy, which i will probably read right before or soon after mythos. been loving all the books that help me brush up on my greek mythology. demon copperhead has been on my list for a while, and now my mom randomly found it in a little exchange library at the station. i think it'll be similar in vibes to shuggie bain, which i'm excited about. then i recently bought never anyone but you in a small indie queer/feminist bookshop in utrecht, nl. it's about the life of claude cahun and suzanne malherbe, two real historical figures from ww2 era france, who lived a beautiful, vibrant, artistic, but hard queer life. i already read a graphic novel about claude last year, so i'm excited to read this novel, which i assume will focus more on their love story.

i also wanted to mention some tbrs that i don't own and will probably download somewhere, because this year i want to focus again some more on politics and brush up on my knowledge and history of anarchism etc. so here's some of my (urgent) tbrs:

tagging.......... anyone who likes to read!! perhaps @persephoneflouwers @moonbeamalice if you feel like it <333

[squeakyleftsneaker]

Watching Voltron for the 1st Time: S3 Ep. 1-2

Are you wondering wtf this even is? I am too, but I at least know how I got into this mess. Here's how I got into this mess dawg. If you don't want to read that, just know that I was hoodwinked by a 12 year old I tutor into watching it. She looked so fucking excited when I mentioned I took her homework seriously and watched it that like. Guys. I can't stop watching. Like I'm so serious she was so happy. I am so weak. So now I'm watching Season 3 and uh. I don't think I like this very much???

I Want To Believe

Everyone being kind of suspicious of the Blade of Marmalade is good. It's a good detail. I support it. I hope it keeps coming back in PLOT RELEVANT WAYS >:(

Keith being entirely out of control without Shiro there is great. Genuinely a fantastic character detail. That's the same Keith who presumably washed out of the Space West Point when Shiro went missing too. This is a one-track-mind guy, and that's perfect.

I'm assuming this is also the time when they start to flesh out Lance! It's about damn time! I've been WAITING for this one

Lotor's flowing locks are very nice very cool. Is he part Altean? Bc Allura and Haggar and Allura's dad also have baller flowing locks of glorious white hair

LOTOR'S GOONS HAVE A SPACE CAT OMFG THE SPACE CAT IS SOOOOO CUTE

Voltron is giving my gay ass these beautiful alien women to distract me from how much of a hot mess it is and it'll only work a tiny bit I promise but wowwwwwwwww WOMEN! I LOVE WOMEN!

"I don't want to be the leader. That's just what Shiro wanted" dude Steven Yeun's performance is SO GOOD here. He sounds so heartbroken

And again when Keith finally gets the black lion, the genuine despair in his voice, the way they've drawn him to shrink in on himself, fantastic work by the artists and Yeun and writers (for once) there.

This Ain't It Chief

I REALLY NEED THEM TO STOP HAVING LANCE BE A WANNABE PLAYBOY LIKE ASAP

These scenes where the team is trying to tell Keith he's not the only one who misses Shiro and they need to move on now play so poorly to me. In part because obviously none of characters have really bonded to any degree onscreen. It feels like we're watching a bunch of people who don't really know Keith telling him to just Get Over the death of the only person in this show he has any sort of real relation to. Telling Keith "He would be the first person telling us to move on" rings so cruelly when Keith is pretty much the only one in this group who KNEW Shiro.

The other characters telling him about how they also liked Shiro really drives home how little they all interact diegetically. They don't bring up their personal experiences with Shiro to exemplify how much they miss him because they don't have any. Instead we have Hunk giving some vague lipservice to the idea that Shiro gave him some piloting pointers. Pidge just says "My family talked about him" and Lance says he idolized Shiro back on earth. They don't KNOW him. It's just a bunch of people telling someone who was genuinely mourning the loss of his closest relation to move on and it STINGS.

Let's talk about the lion swap. Allura SHOULD be the red paladin here. She should. She and Keith are established foils last season which makes her a good lancer (to use a TV tropes staple) to Keith, she's got the history with the lion that makes it narratively satisfying, and she and Keith have similar levels of "fuck it we ball" that it'd make for a great dynamic between them. I, however, can pick up that the reason they've put Lance in the red lion is twofold. 1: Lance and Allura are set up from the 1st episode as what is probably going to be the only endgame relationship in this show. Do I like it? Not really with how it's going so far but whatever, it could be made to work and 2: Lance's one-sided rivalry with Keith needs some work. My thing is that though putting Lance in the Red Lion does somewhat help with both of those, it's unnecessary.

In all honesty, it'd probably be EASIER for Lance and Keith's relationship to balance out without Lance in the red lion. The red lion is a lancer spot, there's always going to be tension there, and Lance's whole thing is that he generated a conflict with Keith for no reason and needs to worth through that for himself.

Then for Allura and Lance, having him in the lion that was once her father's isn't necessary to them developing a relationship! He just needs to get his head out of his ass around girls and gain some more self confidence, and then she can start to consider him a potential partner because he IS endearing and fun!

There's another reason why I don't love Lance leaving the blue lion. He's our audience proxy. We are supposed to identify with him! He's the everyman in this 5 man band, the heart, as it were. The blue lion is the lion with the strongest connection to earth, Lance is a character with a big urge to get back home, he mentions it often! Pulling him out of there, pulling the audience out of the lion with that connection weakens that tether. And maybe that's INTENTIONAL but I don't think that's a decision that'll play well for the story overall.

And now, an impromptu tangent, because I am starting to get the feeling that I need to care about the mechanics for writing romance a lot sooner than I anticipated. Let's talk about where a writer could go with having romantic relationships in this show. In this fantasy world, pretend there's not a weird taboo on gay relationships and that all iterations are possible.

The Big Tangent On How To Relationship In Fiction

If as a writer you wanted to have a romance of Hunk or Pidge with literally anyone else in the main cast, you could at this point in time. You'd have to really sit and develop it out and plan for the plot because there's nothing to work with in terms of interpersonal relationships in the main group, but you could do it! There's over 5 seasons left right now! You've got it! I am very FRUSTRATED by the fact that they've developed no real relationships between the paladins, but it does give them a lot of license to go anywhere with it.

If you wanted Lance with ANYONE but Allura or Keith, the same applies! Tabula rasa, complete creative freedom there. But I don't get the sense that's what they're going for. And Lance is a good character to put into a relationship, bc as established he's our audience surrogate!

So let's look at Lance and Allura. I would be willing to place a bet RIGHT NOW that that's an endgame relationship. They set it up from day 1, they fall into a well established trope of "Playboy meets serious girl and shows her fun is good and she shows him to lock in and focus" which. I am personally very lukewarm on! I think it could be done pretty well though. They'd need to really lock tf in though (and not with the stupid lions as proxy). They need Lance to start really relating to Allura in a way that isn't just. Flirting with her in the exact same way that he flirts with literally every girl they put in front of him. And they need him to really work through his own insecurities they've brought up and ignored several times!

Similarly for Allura she deserves to have her own arcs, to really cope with the loss she's facing, and then to relate to Lance differently herself. This dynamic is, though not my favorite, still GREAT when done well. My favorite example of the suave playboy and the serious girl done RIGHT is Han Solo and Leia. And they keep Han fun and Leia locked tf in! Their personalities aren't compromised at all!

I really hope they avoid my beloathed trope of having Allura just. Suddenly be into Lance the second he behaves. I really do not want this. I hate it when women are presented as a prize for good behavior. It's awful.

I've been reliably informed that apparently Keith and Lance is a ship people like, and look, as a TV troper for a long time, Red Oni/Blue Oni I know your siren's call WELL. I know what you are. Anyway. This is a workable ship I think, but it'll take WORK. Why? Because they've maybe unintentionally set up Lance's character arc as being tied up in getting tf over himself as it pertains to Keith, and Keith's basically got no relation to Lance at ALL on his end. Keith is the focus of Lance's insecurities, while they've written Keith as though they are total strangers.

Red Oni/Blue Oni ships work at their finest when they've got a BALANCE to them. Level each other out. And also, well, I think technically though the show tries to INSIST Keith is the hothead, they can't both be the hothead in this dynamic and if anyone is the brash and impulsive one in the relationship of it all, it's Lance. So they'd have to either mellow Lance out a lot to have him play Blue Oni to Keith's red (which I don't love because toning Lance down is toning the audience down, and uh. WHY?) or they mellow out Keith, which is impossible without Shiro there. You could get this to work though, it's just a lot of writing and time that needs to be devoted. But they had a bonding moment! If you want it to happen it can work.

The reason I started with Lance ships is that obviously, he's our audience-relatable character. Having HIM be in a relationship is really engaging for viewers because in some sense, Lance is US. That said, if you want a little background arc that doesn't require focus and isn't central narratively speaking, nab other characters and make them kiss like barbie dolls! This is where your Hunk and Pidge relationships slot in. Just have a background slow burn! Those are always fun and don't require AS MUCH time.

But, are there some non-Lance options for ships that can build off of existing dynamics then? Well, let's stick with Allura for a second. If you wanted her and Shiro to be in a relationship you'd be working from ground up starting at literally nothing, same as any other ship excluding Lance/Allura or Lance/Keith. But you could make it work by inserting some tension between them, maybe over leadership, maybe over the Galra, something like that.

Which brings me to the Canon Of Yore aka Allura and Keith. Who were a couple in Ancient Days Voltron. I WILL get into my personal opinion on this one in a second, but let's assess feasibility. They're VERY similar characters, they're presented as foils to each other in season 2. You'd need to work hard on this because they're SO similar, and it would've been EASIER if Allura had been in the red lion, but it is hard for these two. Especially because you need to deal with the fact that uh. Well. Allura's entire culture got wiped out by uh. Well. Keith's kinda people*

It is DOABLE to have them work through that. But it is hard to do well without implying that Allura should like. Get Over It. And she shouldn't! Her whole culture was ERADICATED. She deserves to mourn, to feel the scope of her loss, and to be with someone who CAN just understand that and understand her and not exacerbate the pain.

And this brings me to the duo that is basically the only real interpersonal relationship in the show. Aka Keith and Shiro. You may be thinking to yourself "Shoe did Keith say Shiro is like his brother in the Blade of Marmora episode?" To which I would respond "I said the first girl I ever had a crush on was like my sister to many people this really isn't an obstacle if you want it to happen"

Jokes aside you could make this work with really minimal effort! Mostly because these two have a relationship with significantly more depth than anyone else already, all it'd take to have it read romantically is just to have Shiro like. Blush or something. They have a great dynamic where they are only ever vulnerable with each other. Shiro reigns Keith in, Keith gives Shiro an outlet for his pain. Shiro supports everyone where Keith supports him entirely, Keith will strike out on his own except that Shiro will always be there. This is a great dynamic for a friendship or for a romantic relationship. You can go anywhere with this! They're established to know each other so well even before the show starts, they HAVE something, if you're a writer you can do a lot with that.

If I was a particularly lazy writer and wanted props for a gay relationship without ACTUALLY having to do a lot of work, I'd just keep everything as is with like the barest minimum of effort and then show them holding hands in the epilogue and all their interactions retrospectively look romantic. It's a very low maintenance relationship, if you don't want to do real work.

As to what I personally would go for, I really don't care. I think that ANYTHING I mentioned would work great in different narrative contexts, I think that a competent writer could make me love ANY of them! Are these writers competent? NO. So I very much fear that we'll get Allura kissing Lance as a reward and I'll be very upset. So. Yeah. That's that.

*this is why I don't love Zuko and Katara as a ship in Avatar the Last Airbender btw. I just. There's something that activates my fight or flight in the concept of a woman who once hated a man who is the face of a colonial empire that has ravaged her culture and killed her family falling in love with him no holds barred no reservations. The power dynamic just. Unsettles me. Them getting to a point of mutual respect and friendship I can understand, but a romantic relationship and involvement is. Just so fraught that I think no children's show could handle that with any sort of grace.

SEE Y'ALL NEXT TIMEEEEEEE

[o-sachi]

─── A Letter for @i-am-so-strange ���

If you have received this, it means you signed up for Sachi's Selfship Event !

ATE JEIIIII. You're one of my bestest friends on this platform and I absolutely adore the fics/analyses that you make. You don't know how much I love our questionable thirsting threads. They make me giggle and kick my feet. TO MORE THREADS!! Anw, thank you for requesting!

✉️ Attachment: A special request???

Surprise. It's a normal matchup.

Okay, maybe this wasn't what you were expecting, but Barou just popped into my mind as I was reading the info you gave me. (Spoiler: it's not just because you both like cleaning and consider it a hobby lolol).

To preface things, I genuinely find Barou to be like the best potential boyfriend out of the bunch. I know he seems rough around the edges, but he's a completely different person to his s/o. He's a lot softer and kinder to them.

You complement each other in a way that your bad traits slightly mirror his and your good traits are almost the same. Does that mean it exacerbates the bad traits? Not really. But it does help you understand each other better and it helps avoid you from projecting it on to each other (everyone else though, not so safe haha).

Like you don't even bat an eye at each other if either of you say something a little too blunt or harsh. It's just another Tuesday for the both of you.

I feel like y'all would judge people together (HAHAHAHA)

You two debate a lot about a variety of things. Even ordinary arguments about your relationship start sounding like a debate... Part of him NEEDS to win, but another is really into how you articulate yourself (secretly simping).

As a person who isn't afraid of speaking his mind, Barou admires the same trait on you. He loves a woman who is brave enough to stand up for herself or do what is right. Not a lot of people can do what you do.

Doesn't compliment much, but he will definitely compliment you for your courage and independence. He needs that in a partner.

Barou most definitely likes smart people. Intelligence is a strength of its own. He just loves your brain; he loves the ideas and thoughts that it comes up with. He also thinks that your job is cool. He doesn't know anything about law, but he'll pretend to understand and nod as you explain things to him.

He liiiiiikes it when you play the piano for him.

You enjoy cooking and cleaning together (wow domestic bliss?!?! HAHAHHA). You do it very systematically too. Not that you explicitly talked about it, but it kinda happened on its own. That pretty much sums up a lot about your relationship—systematic.

You like trying new food together, whether by buying it somewhere else or trying out a new recipe.

He subtly supports your hobbies by buying you books or figures. Most of the time though, he listens to your rants. You know he's listening because he asks relevant questions.

He genuinely thinks listening and giving your full attention to the other person is a sign of respect. And he respects you. So, if you're talking, all his attention is on you.

I feel like he has a strong tolerance for alcohol, so if you do decide to get drunk, he can easily take care of you. Sure, he'll grumble a bit, but he's surely doing it out of love <3

He'll agree to play games with you as long as you go bowling with him. He won't go easy, but at least he has someone to play with.

He doesn't mind driving long stretches. It's quite calming for him and with you as his passenger princess, he can listen to you speak even more.

You two travel a lot and he (reluctantly) agrees to be the model in your photos. He prefers that you two take photos together, but sure, if you insist.

You two have the exact same dislikes, especially being disorganized. It makes him feel queasy to see a messy place or have his tasks all over the place.

Although, I feel like he's good with kids (yk cuz his sisters). So he makes up for the fact that you don't like 'em.

You two plan things together so well. Like I said—organized and systematic. Dates and travels are so easy when both of you are working on the logistics and whatnot.

I'm not making this up but I genuinely saw Barou as the type of guy who likes the simple look on women (he's the type of guy that says natural is better and would complain about makeup...) So he really loves how laid-back and classy you look.

HE DIGS THE CORPORATE STYLE.

You two already spend a lot of time together. He can only stand you, honestly. He'd rather be alone completely or be with you. No in between.

You can expect sooooooo many acts of service from this man, mostly the domestic stuff—cooking, cleaning, taking care of you when you're sick. If you ask him to come over, he'll do his absolute best to get there asap. If you ask him for a favor, he'll do it without a second thought.

He's so whipped for you, but will never admit it out loud.

His gifts usually come in the form of food or clothing... or something really practical. Perhaps the only "non-practical" thing he'd give you is a bouquet of flowers.

Waaaa idk I got a lot of inspiration writing Barou for you. LIKE IT FITS SO WELL???

Thank you for participating. I hope you like it :3

Want to participate? Give this a read.

o-sachi © 2024 pls do not translate/copy/reupload my work on other platforms.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas, it's flour anon!! it's getting worse, because our moot groups are slowly intertwining, but if worst comes to worst, I'll block her.

for this part, you gotta remember: I'm only thirteen, and i have less of a scope of just how big anti-islam and anti-asian the world is compared to adults.

unfortunately, cultural appropriation is a massive underlying issue in this fandom, and globally. I'm used to it now, but if I can change things here, at least I've changed something, right?

the main thing that you should do is reference a wider part of being indian; don't stop at the colour of our skin. it may not seem offensive, but when that's all im reduced to, a desperate chance to be more inclusive, it's hurtful and invalidating. researching is a massive yes, and you'll learn plenty on the way, too!

the problem lies within people like flour, not you. those who are ignorant will just never bother to learn, especially if they're not part of a minority. what often bugs me is this need to feel oppressed; it's fine if you only feel comfortable sharing your correct pronouns online, but pretending to have mental disorders because you want to fit in is where it would draw the line. there are other ways to go about making friends.

honestly, cas? I mostly see james' representation in your jegulus fics, (which is totally fine!!) but i don't like jegulus content as much because of canon regulus (again, not an issue that you do!) but in clandestine, which i did read, there wasn't much mention to either james' culture OR skin, so you could argue he was white in it i guess!! if you specifically want to make him brown, talk about the things he may do that only resonate with that region, or hardships that he may face to the very real and ongoing racism that is present today.

if you have any questions, feel free to ask! i love answering them, and knowing it will help you with your writing is just one of the many bonuses xx

Okay I hoping it's okay if I'm very honest here? Not in a bad way just in a....I sometimes get so nervous to talk about these things, because I genuinely want to learn and NOT offend. So please tell me if I say anything off-base.

As far as your friend is concerned...yeah, it sounds like maybe starting by blocking her could be good. I feel like it's hard because depending on where you live, saying something could be unsafe. But also I think you should know that you're well within your rights to say something and question her choices. I'm sure you know that. But yeah

And you're right, it's almost sad that someone feels they need to pretend about ANYTHING in their life in order to feel accepted. It makes me wonder, when people pretend like that, what they're missing in their life to feel the need to pretend like that. Like I'm sad for them. But I also am able to look at it from a much more privleged POV

As far as James (and other characters) I think my personal struggle comes with the fact that I headcanon him (as well as dorcas and many others) as not white. But like...I go back and forth about how to write that. Because in some ways, I wonder: do I even mention it? How much does it matter to the particular story I'm writing? Because while I know that race can affect so many aspects of a person's life, if it's not central to the plot, how much do I go into it? I don't speak in detail about a white character's race, after all. So I tend to stick to words like "pale" "tan" etc. Like in Clandestine, I pictured both James and Dorcas specifically as not white, but I didn't mention specifics, because like...that was Regulus's story.

Not to equate the history or experiences of the two in any sense, but to me it feels like Regulus's transness. In most of the things I write, I see him as trans, but I only mention it or tag it if it's relevant to the story.

I also struggle because I know that even with all of the research in the word, I fear that I can't accurately portray what it is like to be a POC because I am not. I don't want to somehow trivialize the feelings associated with that, I guess.

But I don't know if I'm going the right way about it. And I'm not asking you to give me definite answers to those thoughts and questions.

I really am thankful you shared all of this with me, though, because i am cooking up another idea that would involve a more in-depth look at James, so I definitely want to include some of his culture :D If you're open to it, would you be willing to DM me? I don't want to make you do all the work by answering all my questions for me, but if I'm confused it would be great to have someone to check the facts with!

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

Would Wave lay an egg?.....orrr

BOY DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU, ANON!!! so, you may not have seen it, but i made a gargantuan post about Babylonian lore that i will link here in case you want to read a couple thousand words of insanity.

the short answer is at least to me, no, and she can’t have kids viviparously either (which is what you could call a “live birth” the way humans do) all because of a Babylonian mutation. it would really help if you read the whole post, but i feel bad redirecting you, so i’ll oversimplify why it happens and copy/paste the relevant subsection below the cut for a more formal deep dive:

- Babylonians didn’t lay eggs

- Babylonians are no longer “pureblooded” and have gone from their large humanoid forms to mobian-looking birds over the years through genetic assimilation

- Mobian birds lay eggs

- Babylonian genes get confused when someone has a lot of Babylonian DNA, but is a “bird” like Wave

- Eggshell doesn’t form and ejects prematurely

- Bloody first trimester mess aka what I endearingly call “the autoflush abortion DLC”

- Wave can’t have bio kids or she might die (what happened to Jet’s mom in my lore and almost happened to Wave once… but that’s another story hehe)

SO TO SUMMARIZE: to me, she wouldn’t lay eggs. or give birth. she would simply pass away <3 thank you for indulging this niche segment of my lore that i never get to talk about that genuinely excites me

Ovisanguitan Testalysis (OT)

Wow, that's a fancy name for "eggs no work" isn't it? This may come as a surprise, but Babylonians did not lay eggs, they are viviparous: need I repeat myself on how they're humanoid? Anyways, while Babylonians have viviparous births, mobian birds that are NOT Babylonian still exist. It might feel like I am pulling this out of nowhere, and perhaps it is a bit hypocritical for me to say "not all birds are going to be Babylonian!" after attributing an entire recessive trait to them two seconds ago, I firmly believe that birds exist outside of Babylon with no genetic ties. This is because… (inhales) BABYLONIANS ARE NOT BIRDS! THEY ARE BIRD-ESQUE, BUT THEY ARE HUMANOID BIRD-ESQUE CREATURES! Wanna know what else look like birds? BATS! DINOSAURS! DRAGONS! CERTAIN INSECTS!

Just because the Babylonians pride themselves on their birdness, it does not necessitate that birdness is exclusive to Babylonians. However, if modern day Babylonians are birds who have assimilated to be very mobian in composition, it would seem that they would be conceived and developed via eggs, not viviparously. As I established though, Babylonian traits are recessive, and therefore still possible (though not probable) given the right genetic composition.

Some modern day Babylonians then, have a reproductive disorder called Ovisanguitan Testalysis, known as OT. While egg-laying mobians develop about 1/3rd of their offspring inside their body before laying, with the latter part of development occurring independently inside the egg which hatches when completed, Babylonians initially gave birth at the end of term like humans do. Modern day Babylonians with OT will "lay" the same time regular egg-laying mobians do, aka after the first trimester, but because of their Babylonian genes, their body does not physically form a shell around the embryo before it is expelled. Without a shell, this is essentially a VERY premature birth that cannot be incubated or salvaged, and is more comparable to an abortion or miscarriage resembling a bloody clump of cells than a premature child.

There are very few instances where Babylonians with OT are able to prevent their bodies from expelling the embryo prematurely with enough calcium supplements and full-time hospitalization that prevents the premature rejection of the fetus, but because the Babylonians with this disorder are almost always Rogues (I'll probably explain that later) it is essentially just a very rare disorder which affects a small population that aren't even registered as legal citizens to any country. It is not IMPOSSIBLE to successfully have a child with OT, just highly unlikely, and they will probably be underdeveloped in some areas (the most likely defect being a lack of immune system… so the child will probably die from disease even if they make it to term).

Also, if someone with OT were to carry a child to term via medical intervention, the strain this puts on their body will most likely kill them, and if by some miracle they survive, they will be incapacitated as they will never fully recover from the nutrient drainage and overall stress this puts on the body.

[thecomfywriter]

on this fine day I ask of thee: what would it take to give Hilbert a redemption arc? How would others react?

hi hello this is a very heavy ask for how delirious i currently am. yikes forever, let's see how coherently i respond.

day five of tcw's 12 days of askmas--hilbert's original ending [prev draft lore + headcanons]:

okay i'm going to yamble for a bit about the original (ogog draft) ending for tov+sai, originally called dragon adventure, because i think it's relevant to this question.

originally, hilbert's entire character arc WAS a redemption arc. the first chapter was called "the lost hero," and the reason why hilbert had sought alan out was because he was the only person who truly believed hilbert was capable of redemption. alan's entire "forgiveness to all" ideology was based on the idea that anyone was capable of overcoming their past by putting in the effort to redeem themselves from the damage inflicted onto others from their sins. that's why he invests so much into hilbert, and why hilbert strives to prove alan right. no one had ever had unshakeable faith in him like alan did before. he was hilbert's new moral compass, and the reason why hilbert called alan "erevana."

throughout the entire ogog draft, you read the book strictly through alan's pov (except the first chapter which is hilbert's), and you watch him grow emotionally attached to hilbert, especially since the stronger their bond got, the more hilbert was changing.

he was becoming kinder, especially to caramel. he got a real job. started helping around the community. tried to right his wrongs however he could, no matter how humiliating. and it made the theme of the story lean towards "redemption is possible" for the entire journey.

but then the warehouse scene happens, and for a brief moment, when caramel accidentally hurts alan while trying to protect him, you see hilbert's entire demeanor change. when he thought alan's life was in danger, he snapped and became vile again. it was only for a brief moment, and the moment alan had gotten better, he apologized to both of them for his sudden regression, and even bowed. and alan is convinced the stress of the situation caused a lapse in character, just for a brief moment.

that is, until the climax happens. the second incident starts, and rather than fulfil his promised duty like he had sworn to alan he would, hilbert tries to run away again.

once more, he prioritized his own safety over soilaila's. once more, he abandoned everyone to let them rot. and once more, when confronted about it, the vileness of his character broke the facade that was alan's unreliable narration, as he finally realizes that hilbert had never changed--he had just hidden himself in plain sight. he was irredeemable because he was rotten to the core. and in that moment, after the rosiness leaves his vision, alan's entire ideology around forgiveness and redemption changes, as he adopts the new idea that, "once a sinner, always a sinner." once a change had occurred, it was irreversible. and that is why, once alan crosses a line during the second incident to save everyone's life, he accepts that momentary unethical part of himself as a character change, and succumbs to it. he believes he is incapable to reverting back to who he was before that change, and thus, adopts a new fragmented identity of himself and his morality.

--

i know that wasn't the ask, but my point of bringing up the original ending is to illustrate how no matter what version of tov i write, hilbert will never have a redemption arc. because no part of hilbert is genuine enough to have a redemption arc. the only way for that to be possible is if the core part of his identity was not him anymore, in which case, i would be creating a new character capable of growing. if we are taking about hilbert limious as every draft has ever known him, this man is irredeemable, because he doesn't see himself as needing redemption. no matter how rotten he is, if he is powerful, then he is proud.

thanks for the ask, wyked!

-- the holiday limited-edition tag list --

@wyked-ao3 @an-indecisive-nerd @drchenquill

@paeliae-occasionally @theink-stainedfolk @inseasofgreen

@thelovelymachinery @the-letterbox-archives @illarian-rambling

@bunnymermaidwrites @the-golden-comet @sm-writes-chaos

@leahnardo-da-veggie @corinneglass

[please tell me if you don't wanna be tagged i promise i will stop 🥺]

[pr1soners-d1lemma]

I'll never understand why people think pure positivity and empty promises will "help" someone who's suicidal, whether actively or passively. They're scared they'll break something without realizing shit's already broken. They easily forget that the best counter to "believe me" is "I don't trust you."

I so desperately want to find some useful argument to help you with whatever the fuck is goin on but honestly dude I'm in the same fucken boat. The only consistent solution I have is to just not trust myself. I am the least reliable narrator I've ever listened to. Six months ago I was convinced I'd end it if my crush didn't respond within a week. Now I couldn't give less of a fuck about where she is or what she's doing. Every new school quarter I think "if I lose one more thing, one more friend, I'm gone." Every break, every loss, every absence, I keep just... being wrong. I'm still here, and it sure ain't because I was suddenly "okay" with my life.

Things might get better. Of fucken course. That's how probability works, and you've evidently decided you don't like those odds. Things might (not) even be different in the future. Those odds aren't reliable either, despite any strangers' assurances that "things will change soon. Probably." I don't intend to insult your intelligence by assuming you haven't considered those possibilities.

Despite all those platitudes, I want to convince you there's a third set of odds you can play: you might get different. You might randomly have less of a need to hold on to something youre losing. You might realize that somehow that thing you're chasing slipped your mind for a minute or hour or day. Your perception could change.

Yeah, I'm probably as biased as that naive rando before me. I don't want you to die, no shit. That's not exactly relevant to my argument. The phrase "not yet" has kept me alive for four years now. When it comes to preventing suicide, "gimme a second" is more useful than "stop that" or "what about me" will ever be. If you can choose whether or not to trust some stranger on the internet, you can probably choose whether or not to trust what your brain is telling you.

Could I just say that this is most likely one of the best things I've read in a while? Genuinely. I agree with the first part, it's very true. And honestly, just from the writing (as a writer myself), I can tell that this was written with good intent. As of right now, the two things that are keeping me going are: 'My Etsy packages are coming! Yay!' and 'The Legend of Zelda movie is coming! Yay!' Super fucking stupid, I know. But it's one of the only things that gets me through the miserable days. I know depending on money isn't going to get me anywhere, and eventually, I'll run out of stuff to spend on Etsy. I should probably find something else to depend on, but for now, I think it's good enough.

Honestly dude, thank you. I genuinely needed to hear this today, it's been a shitty two weeks with my health declining as well as my grades and friends, but it's only a temporary time in my life (hopefully) and things might get better one day. I don't know for sure, but maybe, hopefully one day.

[divinekangaroo]

Everyone in here seems to be so cool with this news except me LOL. I'm so gutted Lizzies character arc is over in canon. A lot saw it coming by the looks of it except me, I thought it was definitely left unfinished with all the promises and closeness they shared. Haiz. I read it all wrong perhaps.

I know you have plans to write post S6 among other things, like divorced Lizzie with Charlie, Honeymoon etc. etc. You also said you will wait for the movie to write some of them. Will any of the WIPs be effected/plans change with knowing T/L fate in canon?

This is an ask to make myself feel better if you can't tell XD. Thanks!

Heh: the fanfic brain says it would be pleased if Lizzie and Arthur aren't in the movie because that's most of what I want to look at post S6. I don’t usually get into fanficcing for a media unless the media is finished, because I always feel I need to see what the shape of the Canon Thing is to work out where I want to play/extend etc. I genuinely thought PB was done before I decided to write the Thing, or I doubt I would’ve started to write. Over time the movie was making the fanfic part of me increasingly irrationally anxious XD.

Every further movie announcement makes it sound like something further and further from s5 and s6, a fairly clean break and almost a new thing. So I do feel released/able to play with that post s6 space more, because I’m assuming there’ll be just another peaky-style time skip and we’ll be left to decide for ourselves what happened in between. Which is, ironically, where a lot of the Tommy Lizzie dynamic lives anyway - the offscreen spaces is when their relationship happens, what we see on screen shows Things Happened Since Last Time but what exactly is left to the imagination. A silence in the movie isn’t necessarily a nullification of what happened previously, it’s just that whatever happened isn’t relevant to the slice of life currently on show. Out of frame etc. (though, i assume Tommy will heavily carry the emotional consequences of prior events forward, as he always does)

And I’d always assumed t and l would never get back together in any traditional sense of marriage or domestic HEA - my post-show headcanon as it’s evolved over time sees them drift together and apart over various instances and times with meaning, but no dependence/obligation or imposed societal structure. So either of them having other love interests also doesn’t bother me.

I have yet to work out if this easing means I feel like getting back into those parked stories you mentioned any earlier than the movie or not…one is all Lizzie and Arthur funnily enough…but I am so slammed by combo work and study and family things my brain feels itchy with irritation (worst feeling) so I’m avoiding putting too much deep thinking on at the moment.

Sorry i can’t help with much comfort or fic offerings! But yeah I think the way pb does time skips will leave it up to the audience to work out what happened, and that’s always been so much more interesting to my fanfic brain than being told. Maybe some comfort in that?

[goldom]

3.1 Trailblazin' adventure part 3 of probably 3 but heck if I know. I might be literally one scene away from the end of the update or I might have hours left. Let's begin (and hope for maybe fewer crashes to desktop in this episode).

Stelle: Ah yes, I read about this phenomenon. It's called the bystander effect. Dan: You're not helping either. Stelle: Eh, I'm sure someone else will deal with it.

Ok so a lady faints from the bath being too hot and goes "Oof. Kremnoans did it. Bleh. x_x" This is the most obvious psyop designed to inflame racial tensions. I bet the council government is behind it.

He's just worn out from too much sex with his bf don't worry

god Mydei is being all tsundere to Phainon. These two are such blatant M/M shipbait that they're even selling me on it.

the heck does that mean? Googling HKS gets me nothing relevant.

They know what they're doing.

Oh come on hoyo, you couldn't take their armor off? We literally just got a bath scene in Genshin, why are you so lazy with Star Rail? (What is happening why am I pleading for more nude men this game is breaking me)

You see my vision here, right?

BECAUSE OF REASONS. If I seriously wrote that line in a fanfic people would say I need to take a break lmao

I. Don't. Like. Aglaea.

To elaborate: Hyacine didn't deny anything. She didn't say "Don't worry, keep smiling~!" She said she'd try to help. That's it. But no, Aglaea, like oh-so many hoyoverse characters the authors put up on pedestals, finds that distasteful. And she doesn't just insult Hyacine, she then makes a snarky comment about "I can't wait to see what you come up with." What have you come up with? Have you tried anything, or are you so ready to accept people must sacrifice their lives for your grand plan that you act like a brat as soon as anyone challenges that conclusion?

Ahem.

Oh okay, HKS explained. I guess.

I'm glad I waited to make that joke. They got there.

Krateros is reckless and impulsive, but damn if he didn't tell Aglaea some hard truths. And you just know she was about to have him executed – not for what he did, no, she didn't start to pull that out until he insulted her personally. She is really getting on my nerves. Good on the Tribbies for stepping in.

I can't remember the first mention of the Sea of Souls or if it's been explained beyond "the thing Mydei went in," but knowing hoyo's history with things that start with "Sea of" I can't help but wonder if it's going to be literally another synonym for Quanta.

I feel like the conspiracy theory pinboard guy meme with hide and seek at this point. I can't stop seeing it everywhere. Mostly because hoyo can't stop putting it everywhere. WHY? I WANT TO KNOW WHY!

There's a LOT to unpack in this Tribbie dream sequence, but I'm most interested in this rocketship diagram.

Yeah she has rockets in her animations, but that slid under my radar as just a combat animation thing. But here she directly addresses it: "What is this thing? Why do I recognize it?" Combine that with the fact that we're on a world that has been forced to lose awareness of the stars beyond its own horizon, and... hm...

These are adorable and merchandisable! Where's my 3-pack of Tribbie dolls, hoyo amazon store?

I'm not great at interpreting plot but even I can get a prophecy when it's bludgeoned over my head. Tribbie's alters are all gonna die.

Who's in denial now, Aglaea?

No, sorry, I'm being bitter. That's actually the nicest thing she's ever said, and I admit she seems to genuinely care for Tribios and feel bad for what she has to do... even if she knows full well Tribbie won't take her up on this offer. *presses button* yeah.

Goodness, there's still at least an entire gameplay segment still left?! How is this patch running for as long as 3.0? Welp, I guess I have to call it here for tonight. See ya in part 4...