#i just have to vent about it on my blog first

[transmisogyny-explained]

I want to submit a perspective on "afab transfemininity" from. an afab multi gender person. I know my experience isn't representative of everyone who calls themselves this, but I wanted to at least share

I don't call myself a trans woman, I hesitate to call myself transfem. nonetheless, I feel connected to femininity in a distinctly transgender way. when I first came out, I hated being a girl. I was a transmedicalist and validated myself by invalidating others. I had to face a lot of internalized misogyny and transphobia in order to really learn what it meant to be a man. after I started testosterone about 3 yrs ago, I realized I was a lesbian, and started feeling more comfortable being, at least in part, a woman. it was different this time because it was something I liked, something new and my own, not something ascribed to me. it's not cisgender in any way, it is transfemininity

this being said, I know my experience toward transfemininity is extremely different from the norm. I am not what most people are referring to when they refer to transfems, and there are many definitions of transfem that do not include me. despite that, I do have some experiences that overlap, things I can relate to. my femininity is at its core transgender in nature. my gender now is more complex... I feel like both a man and a woman, neither and both. but that doesn't mean my feelings about my gender are predatory or invalid. I don't want to talk over transfems, I am very aware of my place in these conversations. but I still have a place, and it frustrates me to see you share posts that minimize my experience into a stereotype

Why do you view transfemininity as being, at its core, the experience of being “both a man and a woman” lmao

Get back to me when you start viewing trans women as actual women and transfemininity as actual femininity, and not an aesthetic or a vibe or “some other third thing” apart from femininity.

You “feel femininity in a distinctly transgender way?” Congrats! You’re nonbinary! But that is NOT what being a trans woman is — Their womanhood and femininity is not essentially different from cis women’s.

What you are describing is a very generic experience of being a feminine nonbinary person, and I don't say that to insult you; but to compare that experience to those of trans women’s betrays the fact that you don't view them as the same gender as cis women. Which is transmisogyny. It’s textbook third-gendering.

Call yourself a nonbinary woman- Call yourself whatever you want, in fact. But trans women and TMA people are never going to feel safe around you so long as you continue insisting that transfemininity is essentially the same as the nonbinary femininity you experience, and essentially different from “real” cis women’s femininity.

Also, can I just say that it’s a little condescending that you would end your ask by saying “I’m aware of my place in these conversations, but…”

Like, if you were really “aware of your place” and were actually listening to transfems when we talk about transfeminism, you would be able to recognize the enormous amount of transmisogyny baked into your message. On top of the third-gendering, you also managed to:

Imply that TMA people don’t understand the complexities of gender and nonbinarity like you, a TME person, do

Imply that TMA people creating the language and spaces to discuss our experiences in a way that excludes you, a TME person, is invalidating and somehow tantamount to labeling you as “predatory” (what does that even mean?)

Sent an unprompted ask to a transfem’s blog venting your frustrations with the language of transfeminism, despite the fact that I’m not even the one who made those posts?

Showed a pretty absurd amount of entitlement by insinuating that it’s somehow my problem that you feel frustration over misunderstanding the basics of transfeminist theory

Subtly demanded that I do the emotional labor of managing your frustration, which, frankly, is just classic misogyny

Displayed a complete lack of understanding towards what transmisogyny even is, nor why we, as the direct targets of transmisogyny, need the the language and spaces to discuss it

I really don’t care what transfem “experiences” you think you relate to, the fact that you perpetuate and can benefit from transmisogyny will always separate you from us, and if you actually gave a shit about us and our struggles, you would recognize that and try to be a better ally to us rather than co-opting and redefining our language in a shallow attempt to define us out of existence.

As has been said countless times now:

“Transfeminine” does not mean “trans + feminine,” it is a term coined by TMA people to describe our specific experiences with being denied our femininity. That is something which you, as a person for whom (as you said) womanhood/femininity was ascribed by the system of patriarchy, cannot understand in the way we do.

[therealcocoshady]

Love Game - Part 3

A/N : After MONTHS of waiting… here is Love Game pt3 ! For those of you who weren’t there, you can find the first 2 chapters in the Masterlist (pinned post on my blog !).

If it weren’t for Denaun and his wisdom, you would have told Marshall to go to hell. Or rather, you would have sent him there yourself. After all, you weren’t exactly short on ideas how to kill him. You went over them in great detail as you vented to Denaun about his friend’s audacity. This lack of trust and complete disregard for the friendship you’d shared was enough for you to consider raising that baby on your own, but your best friend advised you against it. « We both know you’d come to regret your decision, Y/N » he said calmly over dinner, trying to level with you. You looked at him, crossing your arms, frankly pissed that he was siding with Marshall. « Oh, so you think it’s ok that he called me a slut?! Me, the mother of his child ?!» you asked with a glare. Denaun shook his head again, not backing down. « I’m not saying it’s ok. What I’m saying is : you’re a great mom and you want what’s best for this baby. And you do want them to know their father, don’t you? ». His tone was extremely calm, and he was annoyingly good at making valid points that didn’t go your way. « Well, if he thinks I’m such a whore, I don’t see why he would want to co-parent anyway » you mumbled.

It was clear that you were hurt, and that the few weeks that had passed since the confrontation hadn’t done anything to soften the blow. Denaun seemed to understand it, as he took your hand and looked not your eyes. « You have every reason to be mad. Hell, if you need me to say it out loud, I will : he’s an asshole. But you know as much as I do that, once he has proof that you’re carrying his baby, he will be a good father for this child. And your little one deserves to grow up, knowing who their dad is. It’s all about the baby». You looked down and nodded. As much as you wanted to make a point and prove that, if need be, you’d be an excellent single mom. But ultimately, he was right : it wasn’t about you. It was about the little one. You grabbed his hand and gave him a smile, full of gratitude. « Thank you, Nauny. I don’t know about the dad, but the baby is very lucky to have you as an uncle ». He gave your hand a gentle squeeze and looked into your eyes with the utmost seriousness. « I’ll always be there for you, Y/N. Both of you ».

You weren’t sure whether it was the hormones or just a regular emotional reaction to his kindness, but you couldn’t help the tears from welling in your eyes. « I don’t know what I would do without you, Nauny » you sighed. « You know… Sometimes, I wish you were the father ». He stared at you, staying silent for a couple of seconds. « Yeah, well… I’m not the one you took home that night » he sighed. You nodded, rolling your eyes. « That’ll teach me. No more fucking around with friends » you hummed before taking another bite of your burger, rather oblivious to the look of despair on your friend’s face.

A week later, the results came in : as predicted, the baby was, indeed, Marshall’s. To be fair, you had absolutely no doubt whatsoever regarding the matter. If they’d been any different, you would have been quick to fly to the Vatican and ask for an audience with the Pope so that your name was officially added to the Bible. You weren’t exactly fond of the idea of talking to Marshall directly so you arranged for the results to be sent to him in the mail, not even bothering with a letter or note. After all, the results spoke for themselves and all that was left was for him to eat his words. That same day, he called you and, though you debated for a quick second, you ended up taking the call. « Hey. It’s me. I, um…. I got the results » he said. « Right » you said in a tone that was as neutral as you could muster. « Are you… Are you free on Friday? We should talk. » he hummed rather awkwardly. « There’s nothing special to say for now, Marshall » you replied. « That baby isn’t due for another 22 weeks. Somehow, I don’t think there’s much for you to do, right now». You heard him let out a loud sigh on the other end of the line, and you could tell he was trying really hard not to go off on you. « We’re going to be parents. Both of us. Together. I think it’s actually important that we have a talk. So that we can… Prepare » he explained. You stayed silent for a couple of seconds, debating whether or not you were in the mood to do the right thing. But ultimately, the rational part of you brain, in which Denaun’s words were still echoing, ended up winning. « As you wish. My place. Friday. 6PM. Don’t be late ».

When Friday came around, you were thankful that Denaun had agreed to be with you. Somehow, you figured that the mention of you murdering Marshall was what convinced him, rather than the excuse of you needing emotional support. You knew your friend wasn’t keen on being caught in the middle of you and your baby daddy but, as much as you wished there was a way you could spare him, he was the person closest to you, the only one you confided in. When Marshall walked into your apartment and saw Denaun, he immediately froze. As far as you knew, they were on good terms, but he clearly wasn’t expecting him there. He quickly dapped him and looked at you with a confused frown. « You asked him here? » he asked in disbelief. You had promised Denaun that you’d be on your best behavior but you couldn’t help but clap back. « Well, unlike some people, Denaun has been here from the start. I trust him when it comes to the important decisions » you replied coldly. You could see Denaun stare at you disapprovingly, silently telling you off. Marshall sighed and shrugged. « Well, since we’re getting straight to the point… I have paperwork for us to go over » he said.

Your eyes opened a little wider. Paperwork. Seriously ? You gestured for him to sit on the couch and waited, as he handed you a small stack of paper. The first form was a non-disclosure agreement. As soon as you saw the title, you handed it back to him, absolutely refusing to have anything to do with it. « First you doubt my honesty and now what ? You decide to keep the baby a secret ?! » you exclaimed before turning to Denaun. « I gave it a try, Nauny. I really did. But if you think I’m going to-» you began yelling before Marshall interrupted you. « Will you just shut up and fucking read before you start screaming? » he asked in exasperation before continuing. « It’s not about keeping the baby a secret. I mean, of course, I want them to have privacy but I’m not going to hide the fact that they’re mine ! Who do you think I am ? Drake ?! It’s just standard procedure, so that nothing about our relationship as co-parents ends up in the media. My lawyers insisted ». You glared at him and took another look at the NDA. « Of course. You questioned my honesty in the first place. Why wouldn’t you think I’m after money ? » you scoffed. He stared at you in silence and rolled his eyes. « Again. Lawyers. Not me. Not that you care » he sighed, before glancing at Denaun. « I don’t know how or even why you put up with her. She’s fucking crazy » he mumbled. Your friend crossed his arms and looked at the two of you. « Stop. Both of you. You’re acting like children. You’re grown-ass adults, about to have a kid together, have some shame ! Marshall, you better show Y/N some respect. She’s carrying your baby ! And you, Y/N, you need to stop painting him as a villain. You guys obviously liked each other enough to mess around in the first place. So how about you show some of that appreciation when it comes to dealing with the consequences ?! » he thundered.

Both you and Marshall stared at him in silence, obviously not used to any outburst coming from Denaun. You stared down, while Marshall glanced sideways. « Now, I’m going to let you handle this as grownups and future parents. If you need me, I’ll be in the kitchen. And I better not hear any yelling » he threatened before leaving the room. The silence remained for a couple of minutes, before Marshall let out a sigh. « Look, it’s just… I told Paul about the baby, alright ? And he figured that paperwork might help figure out things. If it’s any comfort, it also states I’m not allowed to slander you or mention you in any track. And the rest… it’s just formalities. Like ensuring my name is on the birth certificate, making sure I have a legal right to see the baby, and that I give you child support » he calmly explained. You looked at him and nodded. « Alright » you said as you started to peruse the forms. « Denaun’s right, you know ? We need to act like… adults » he hummed, to which you nodded. « I know. It’s just not easy when the other co-parent pisses you off » you quietly replied. « But I suppose we’ll need to get used to it ». He let out a chuckle and leaned back in the couch as you read the forms. « Yeah, I guess ». When you finished going through the paperwork, you looked at him and sighed. « So… that’s what you wanted to do ? Paperwork? » you asked. « Mostly. I also wanted to know how you were doing. If the baby’s ok, or if you need something » he said. You hummed quietly, wondering if it your interactions would always have the same clinical and official undertone from now on. « Let’s see… Still nauseous but it’s definitely better. Craving for Italian, lately, if that’s of any interest. And, um… I have another ultrasound coming up. Other than that, that’s pretty much it » you reviewed. He thoughtfully nodded, as if he were making some mental note, though you weren’t too sure how that might concern him directly.

You made small talk for a bit and ended up calling Denaun back to the living room. As he walked in, he stared at both you and Marshall with a stern look on his face, much like a parent willing to make sure their kids had behaved as directed. « Everything alright? » he asked in an inquisitive tone. Both of you glanced at each other and nodded. « Yeah we’re good », Marshall assured him. « I should probably get going. Do you want to come by the studio later ? I’ve got beats ». Your friend looked at you and scratched the back of his head. « I would have loved to, man, but we made reservations for that Italian place Y/N is obsessed with, these days » he replied apologetically. Marshall paused for a second and hummed. « Right. Well… see you around, Y/N. And uh… you’ll call me if you need anything, right? ». You nodded and gave him a tentative smile. « I mean, sure. But unless you’re willing to hold my hair when I puke, I don’t think there’s much for you to do, you know? » you replied. He stared at you intently, his eyes going from your face to your belly, and shrugged. « Well, yeah, but… I don’t know. Like… if you have updates ? » he asked awkwardly.

The whole thing seemed haphazard. If a stranger were to walk in the room, they wouldn’t have been able to tell you and Marshall had ever been so… intimate. In that moment, it felt like you were two strangers learning to communicate. You but your lip, the realization being rather painful. After all, before all of this, he had been one of your favorite people on earth. Why he had turned his back on you this way, you weren’t too sure… but now, you didn’t have much choice, and you needed to do your best to mend things. Even though it felt like you weren’t at fault. You gave him a smile before grabbing an envelope from your handbag. « I don’t know if you… uh… I can show you the latest ultrasound if you’d like? » you offered. At your words, his eyes opened a little wider and he blinked even faster than usual. « Yeah. Ok. » he nodded. He got closer and you showed him the closest thing you had to a picture of your baby. You tentatively pointed the shadows on it. « So, here, there’s the head. And over there, that’s an arm » you explained. He seemed kind of fascinated by it, much to your surprise. « That’s really crazy » he whispered. You could see a smile form on Denaun’s face as he encouraged you, while Marshall was focused on the picture. « Do you want to keep it? » you offered. « Can I? » Marshall asked. « Yeah, sure. I have copies ». He grabbed the picture from your hand and carefully placed it in his pocket, before staring at you. « Thanks, Y/N » he said in a solemn tone. He leaned forward and, for a second, you almost thought he was going to hug you or kiss your cheek. But instead, he patted your shoulder in a way that made you wonder if he had actually ever interacted with a human being before. You even noticed Denaun raising an eyebrow. He went to dap Denaun and, before he left, you had to ask an important question.

« Uh, Marshall ? » you called as he stepped in the hallway. « Yeah? » he asked. « You… you said you were going to legally acknowledge the baby as yours, right? » you questioned nervously, to which he nodded, as if the answer was evident. « I mean, yeah. I think it’s what’s best » he replied, visibly wondering where this was getting. You thoughtfully hummed and bit your lip. « So…don’t you think we should tell the other guys in the group as well? ».

[dykeulous]

i remember i made this blog back in may, frustrated as hell by the utter bullshit i’ve been seeing in tra spaces, wanting to finally vent my frustrations out & be my true authentic self– just to encounter a bunch of piece of shit radfems, be faced with rape & death threats from tras, and unwillingly receive more attention than initially thought. i wanted this to be a silly little butch-celebrating gender critical blog, but then i realized that i was way too trans for the radfem crowd to handle. and way too feminist for the tra crowd. i hate it here!!! i hate being passionate about same-sex attraction while simultaneously respecting medically transitioning people. i hate acknowledging & putting emphasis on sex-based oppression while still being fucking normal about dysphoric & trans people, not giving into the conservative tendency to be violently gncphobic & homophobic like i’ve seen some radfems on here be. i was genuinely so sick of constantly having to Prove I’m Not a Bad Feminist while i wasn’t openly gender critical– but now that i’ve gotten myself more immersed in gender critical spaces, i hate having to Prove That I’m Gender Critical Enough. i thought “radfem conservative” was an oxymoron, but hell, even if some of you aren’t actually conservative– you are pieces of shit, to say the least. i don’t want to pander to either side. i’m not one of you, cause none of you want me. i have my own beliefs and i’m both trans enough and gender critical enough and neither cancel out the other. i’m not trying to “spread misinfo about radical feminism”, for fuck’s sake– i’m a random ass person using tumblr.com to vent my frustrations & voice my opinions. holy fuck.

one of my first encounters on radblr was a person coming to attack me for saying i found women on t attractive, claiming i was actually a fake lesbian for that. like. do you hear yourselves?? you’re gonna say lesbians are incapable of finding males on e interpersonally & sexually attractive (which is true), and then in the same breath claim finding females on t is somehow “fakebianism”. i wanted a safe space away from extremist tras who are incapable of being normal about feminism & sex-based oppression & homosexuality– but instead i found a space full of misery, hatred, and bigotry. no, calling people mutilated isn’t progressive. neither is calling people slurs & making fun of gender nonconformity in a way you find it to be feminist-acceptable. it’s weird as fuck.

[supervisormeero]

I'm currently participating in the "Write Frictious, You Idiot, You Have One Chapter Left" challenge. I am the only participant, and yet I am somehow still losing

[musashi]

i JUST realized this might be related to one of my other friends in the mvk fandom suddenly hardblocking me so uh

hey y'all! if you frequent the mvk tag, there is a regular blogger there who i will not name, but who has some sort of pathological attachment/obsession with me. they and i were tumblr mutuals but we were not close. we DM'd twice and had scattered interactions here and there.

they are accusing me of:

being abusive toward them

being otherwise cruel to them

being ableist against disabled folks who are high-support???

sending suibait/having my friends send suibait

probably other things.

EDIT: someone's informed me they're accusing me of posting private stuff from their vent account? the only account i know of theirs is the one we were mutuals on

i can't stress enough that none of this is true. there is no proof of it and if you press this person they will have none. all that happened was some time about a year ago when we were mutuals, i feared they might be vagueblogging about me when i was having depressive episodes and i sent them this message about it:

i was being honest here, but they then turned around and said i was spot on--they were vagueblogging about how badly they wanted me to shut the fuck up, stop whining, etc (paraphrasing, but that was the vibe exactly) every time i needed social support. they have since deleted their message admitting to this. i am so sorry i cannot prove it.

since then multiple mutual friends of ours have unfollowed them because they squat on ym blog and, again, pathologically blog about me. they revel and make posts about "justice" and "karma" whenever i am upset on here. they scream and yell and cry whenever i am happy. they have admitted to wanting to convince their mutuals to abandon me:

again, i can't prove this is about me but i have a lot of testimonials from people who noticed this being in both our circles and can vouch for it. initially i was just going to roll my eyes and move on but i think they might be telling other people i'm some horrible fucking abuser who mistreated them when i wasn't even close enough to them to do so.

anyways, sorry to everyone who tracks the tag! i don't know how to prove that i didn't hurt this person. but... like... if they approach you, please do your best to use best judgement and consider the facts in front of you.

again, i will not be naming them. this is not a callout post. this is a preventative measure, because i am a traumatized wreck and i really cannot deal with things of this nature.

[good-beans]

Me: *lists all the things I'm going to do today* :)

Me: *doesn't do them*

[wreckitwrites]

[vegaseatsass]

I took a nap earlier tonight which was a luxurious and great choice on my part but now I'm fighting the impulse to fuck around online til 9am when My Stand-in 5 drops and just catch up on sleep on Saturday lol

[genesisvirus]

i fell asleep drawing these hai chat

[l3viat8an]

Little friendly reminder to be nice to me in my ask box :) if I haven’t gotten to your ask yet, it’s just because I’ve been busy or I don’t have an idea for it yet- I’ll get to it! Just don’t be rude if it takes me awhile-

[streetslost]

with any oc. if you're not going to give them the effort of reading all their headcanons and backstory or the like. the least you can do is read their basic stats. i don't mind helping people with cat's long ass backstory and intricate details.

but when people have no idea her basic stats then it just feels demeaning tbh.

[bunnyboy-juice]

mkay its been a few days and i dont have the most perfect words to express this but uh. please remember just bc i reblog certain kinks on this blog and am publicly horny in general doesn't mean that you can try to engage in that kink with me without asking first, especially if we are not mutuals.

[queer-reader-07]

.

[subsequentibis]

'nother big post of closed species guys i've designed since folks were nice abt the last one :)

mignyans (alien parasite crabs that infect a host and cause the thing-esque meat to manifest on their bodies):

^ free anniversary event design! they do a scavenger hunt every october for traits and it's always a good time

^design i did as a guest artist for the species! using the new mineral deposit trait that was added after the last anniversary event

^ this is one of my favorites i've ever done. i love you channel wvmb you will always be famous to me.

^ this one and the next one were designed based on premade crabs! this one's the same species as the first mignyan i ever designed

^ this one goes with the sun & moon one :) wizard & apprentice

^metalhead!! bloody remnants logo designed by my wonderful fiance

starlyngs (avian creatures that are personified stars i think? i'll be honest i'm less clear on the lore i just think they're neat):

^ shithead extraordinaire who is in trouble all the time for stealing & conning people out of valuables

^ freak.

[anotherpapercut]

I love when I'm talking to someone and someone else who I don't know like that butts in to ask a really personal question that informs the conversation they are not a part of

[badolmen]

Years ago I held some fucked up opinions, as you do when you’re 15 or so. In a pre-turn off reblogs post that gets thousands of notes telling me I’m a piece of shit and dozens of asks full of rape threats and suicide baiting kind of a way. I don’t really remember most of it because I deleted everything related to it immediately/as I encountered it. I probably have a few hundred blogs blocked that I would consider good and decent people because i was blocking everyone who interacted with that post in bad faith. And because I couldn’t tell who was sending gore and sexually explicit stuff to my inbox and who wasn’t.

I do remember this one blog though. They messaged me asking if I was okay - acknowledging that the blogs in the notes and in my inbox had taken it too far and that I was entitled to being upset by the harassment. They lied initially (claiming to agree with me, although a quick scope of their blog suggested they didn’t but I didn’t bring it up) but eventually admitted that they thought my opinion was harmful, but that it wasn’t just cause for the harm I was being dealt. I remember that their icon and blog theme was something purple-y black.

I deleted the convo as I was with most messages that rolled in at that time - I didn’t want to remember it, and I was in a pretty deep depression spiral well before it took off. But I wish I could thank them. It took one person from thousands to tell me ‘hey your hurt in this moment is real and unjustified. but you do need to critically examine this opinion you hold’ and wouldn’t you know? Years later I cringe at the opinion I held so dear and proclaimed so loudly.

If you’re out there satanist blog with purple and black blog theme thank you; you have no idea how much our short conversation helped me.