#i just felt like having a memory post
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i reread this scene and i could just. picture it. so vividly.
#homestuck#hom3stuck#home2t4ck#homestuck 2#homestuck beyond canon#hsbc#hs^2#hs2#candy timeline#home24uck#dirk strider#jake english#brain ghost dirk#bgd#dirkjake#admin draws#fanart#mountain of tags oooooffff#mmm nothing like coming back to an update and getting ur heart juiced like an overripe orange for a 2nd time#2nd jake crying post has hit the world trade center#im sooo soso tired today but i want to draw fluff. so thats next on the agenda#ajyeays i hate them t felt like getting puched in the dick again#i love this update. i dont think ill ever really move on from it. no matter what comes next ill always kinda be here.#also this ended up at first accidental but remained A Choice to leave dirk. largely featureless compared to jake#he is just an afterimage after all. the loose outlines that contain the memory of your friend#who you now have to realize. has long passed. hes not by your side#hes buried in a graveyard that you have not visited since he became its resident#he should go sometime. process it properly. id draw it but i dont think i have the chops or patience.#but its a thought.#I FORGOT TO UPDATE THE NEWER PICTURREEJFKGJDFGMGH
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induced to me by my contemporary art exam AND a rewatch of rebels after years that. got me into sabezra unexpectedly AND i updated krita and there were many new brushes i wanted to try
refs (IF U CAN PLS HELP ME FIND THE ORIGINAL COSPLAYERS i can't find anything EDIT: found them!! they're starwars_irl on insta and @rebelartistwren / lionesscosplay on insta. thank you guys <3) and ✨colored version✨ under the cut
i can't find themmmmm I've been looking for 2 days but all i found were uncredited reposts
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anyway they look amazing
i really wanted to try greyscaling but I'm not sure it looks good. idk. + while i was making it i was listening to i love you by fontaines d.c. (GREAT SONG FROM A GREAT UNDERRATED BAND) and. the grey fit into that mood much better
also two versions without the sketch lines. where ezra looks happier even if they're uglier
#i didn't expect to like them as a ship ngl. but there are some moments that recall kanera (AND I LOVE THEM) especially if you've read#a new dawn. and IDK COOL!! probably i didn't ship them from the start because. in s1-s2 they're just kids and everytime i reach s3 i keep#brainrotting on thrawn <3 and kallus <3 and zeb <3 idk i kinda forgot about them and all the scenes they were in LMAO#ALSO. i love you is truly a wonderful song wtf?? it's not something I'd associate to sabezra BUT probably after having listened to it for a#month. and having drawn this in the meantime. i found some connections. the fact that the songs alternated between that melodic part#that talks about love to the other verses about (very generally) society. just felt like how their relationship would go. rapidly switching#between the fast paced fights for the rebellion to the calm of the preparation they require that can allow them for some tenderness. ALSO#ezra is so much “if there was sunshine it was never on me / so close the rain; so pronounced is the pain”#and sabine is pretty much “you only open the window; never open up the door” sometimes. especially before her darksaber arc#btw i know this song is about ireland and their relationship with theid country BUT it just prompted me to their grey figures#and colorful background. also. there's something about klimt making some of the most tender representations of love ever imo BUT keep#choosing to represent rather dark iconographies whenever he's asked to do something (I'm thinking about the medicine panels for the uni)#like. there is a similar contrast in there as well. also i like that. ursa had a portrait of herself in her home that referenced klimt#like. it's ursa in her prime; in a literal golden age. i can imagine sabine associating a good moment - one of her bests - to such an#expressive decoration. and maybe stripping colors away when that moment is gone and all that remains is the memory and feeling#OKAY WHY DID I TALK SO MUCH i must've put more thought on this that i previously thought. crazy#it started as a fun experiment to try krita's oil brushes. *in david byrne's voice* how did i get here?#star wars#sw#star wars rebels#star wars fanart#star wars rebels fanart#ezra bridger#sabine wren#ezrabine#sabezra#sabine wren fanart#ezra bridger fanart#sw fanart#g posting
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in light of tedtrent becoming so real, im also jumping on the tedtrent epilogue 😊
there's just no way ted wouldn't keep in touch with the others (and have weekly zoom meetings just like in the christmas special) and I just love the thought of the whole team having reunions once in a while.
and going back to trent's arc in s3, the sunflowers conversation, "And your daughter?" "She's never been happier." I think it could go the same for ted.. we've never really properly saw how henry felt about his dad being in london, it's always other people that told ted his son misses him, who's to say henry would rather see his dad happy because that in turn would make him happy too? he was there to win the whole thing, right? I just know ted’s story isn’t done yet when he still hasn’t learned to let others take care of him in return and who else to pair him with than the man who blew up his career because a man was nice to him (and also because they were so. so cruel for the fakeout tedbecca scenes for that finale) 🥺
I'm no writer so just pretend these are snapshots of a slow burn fic where ted visits london for their team reunion and slowly realizes that trent has a crush on him and they kiss about it 💛
#ted lasso#trent crimm#tedependent#ted lasso fanart#tedtrent#ted x trent#I HAVE SOOOOOO MUCH MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS BTW its just that its 4am rn and i cannot type down my thoughts for the life of me </3#im just so not over that ending and how weird it felt for ted to end his story like that.. not like he can turn back to michelle since#dr. jacob is right there.. i want this man to feel loved and cared for and actually have a place he knows he can call home and that was#richmond for me.. to the family we were born with. and to the family we make along the way etc etc etc#ted lasso spoilers#<- FORGOT ABOUT THAT.#i can finally say i loved the ending for all the callbacks and stuff but I NEED THIS MAN TO BE HELDDDD!!!!! *everything explodes around me*#he even went back there WITHOUT BEARD :( his bestfriend for sooo long who was there for all their ups and downs. i dont like beard and jane#being together but the fact ted didnt even go to their wedding too like ...??! what is going onnnn#also graying lasso is just something so indulgent for me . hush#pn.art#JUST YKNOW!!! I HOPE YALL UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SAYING ITS REALLY REALLY LATE I PROBABLY SHOULDVE WAITED TILL LATER TO POST THIS BUT JAHJVAKDG#my memory is really bad too so i could also be misremembering scenes and im too eepy to check the scenes i had in mind so u_u#ALSO apologies that its taking me sooo long to draw things i recently joined a mc server and ive been playing it all day and night HFSJGFSH#im sooo scared of making these type of posts because i dont have the balls to make the wrong choices in other people's eyes but GRAAH!!!!!#<- i love tedtrent bUT WHAT IF PEOPLE THINK IM CRINGGGEEEE!!!!!#THATS ALL.... i have more drawings in mind that ill get around to later.. for now goodnight <3
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I took this letter to a memorial but wanted to share here too.
"Thank you Liam so much for being in my life and shaping so many childhoods. Thank you for giving us love, support and encouragement through your and One Direction's music during the hard times and highlights of our lives.
You were a kind, generous and charitable person who encouraged so many to follow their dreams and be as kind as you were. You had the kind of smile that shone in your eyes, brighter than any star, and gave us so much comfort.
Thank you again so much for the music that helped me get through everything life threw my way.
I don't want to say 'goodbye' but instead see you later. Thank you for everything. You made me strong.
Rest in peace, My Angel
I can't say thank you enough, but truly thank you for everything Liam. I can't believe you're gone. I've lost count of how many days its been, but each morning I keep waking up expecting the news to change, but it doesn't 💔.
I keep saying each night "I'll see you tomorrow. Things will be different tomorrow.", just so I can sleep and have hope for tomorrow, but the news still doesn't change 💔. But one tomorrow, we all will see you again.
Songs I keep revisiting whenever I miss you tons is You're Beautiful by James Blunt and Drops of Jupiter by Train. I think they capture the type of person you were, beautiful inside and out. An angel. And at peace now. ❤️
Whenever I need reassurance, I'll look to the sky, because I know that's where you are now.
Rest well
#rip my angel#the way I started crying all over again 😭#how im usually one of little words but had more to say :(#liam#I am so grateful for the memorial we had because I have no idea how I or anyone could grieve alone 🥹 i felt so lonely without it#thank you also to everyone here and being such an amazing community 🫂#if anyone needs to talk i'm also here^^#omw to feeling like i need to puke again I just wish he'd come back :((((((#thank you liam#remembering liam payne#liam payne memorial#thankyouliampayne#rip liam payne#thankyouliam#RememberingLiamPayne#payne#how long it took me to hit “post” bc I don't want to ever “finalize” him being gone :(
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no matter how hard i try i will never. ever. move on from the dsmp.
literally you wont get it unless you were as obsessed as i was back then- the fandom, the lore, it was genuinely my roman empire likeee
it feels weird trying to even go back since im so removed from it now, but honestly even just having those memories is enough. like i dont know how to explain it but it was like.... probably how i first really really truly got into fandoms and fandom culture.. how i learned and saw soo much cool media and people... ohh dont even i still have the lmanburg flag hanging up in my room i fear i will never take it down 😭god c!dream was my first ever obsession character along with discduo and i fear im not recovering from that hyperfixation... (i still sometimes yap to myself about them when i reread old fics... dont tell anyone yall)
even if like some creators are weirdos now and some kind of sit in the "im not sure so im not going to interact" and most of the drama and hatred has turned me off from trying to enjoy any of the creators in the present- dsmp is probably the happiest and most fufillied ive ever been in a fandom!! maybe not happiest buuut i think you get what i mean lol
honestly my only wish is for the ending of it to have been more happy and the creators remain (atleast) civil afterward and not be... um! but yeah lol thats my rant
#this came out of rereading a dnf turned original fic#stars#yeah its like a rwrb type thingy and its#made by a fr author#so its super bomb#felt uncomfy at first with the new names#but yk what!!#gave me waay less second hand embarrassment than if it had#yk#stayed with the same names#yeaahh#anyway im honestly glad i was too shy to post or actually contribute to the dsmp fandom back then#ohh my god#my c!dream obsession would have like#idk made some embarrassing memories if it made it to an account#helpppp#also like about the whole creator thing now and#people like airing out shit#from back then#idk#y cant creators just#leave past in past#idk im just gonna stay away from allat#cannot believe this is where we ended up chat#siiggggh#dsmp#thoughts#rant#dream smp
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Rivals 🎼🍎🦔
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#Aka lovers lol#They have some things in common with each other#idk if I should make a separate post abt it or just dump it here#I'm just gonna say it here#Y'know Hallmero is kinda like sonadow if you think about it#Maybe or maybe not#Depends on how you depict their relationship#OH WHAT ABOUT BOOM SONIC!?#Merold is definitely like Boom sonic they are both very sassy#Hallritt and Shadow are similar visually like them both having red (gay) highlights and eyeliner#And I guess they're both serious when doing work#You could say the same for Kurode too (Merold's brother)#Actually I think Kurode is probably more like Shadow#Shadow could pull off Kurodes fit#Im gonna throw this out there but what if fragaria memories but sonic#And Sonic is Merold. Shadow is Hallritt and Tails could be Kurode#^ for context Merold and Kurode are siblings and Merold is the greatest knight and is very overprotective of Kurode#and Kurode felt so inferior to him that he ran away from home cause he didn't believe he was strong enough#I would love to see Sonic and Tails brother angst#Wow I said a lot in the tags#Thanks if you read all this#my art#fragari art#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sonic fanart#sth fanart#sth#fragaria memories#merold
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Happy new year y’alls :D
It’s the year of the snake so enjoy snake ink!
#happy new year :D)))#dreamswap#ds ink#tw slight blood#isaacballz#scheduled post#yea so that means ignore anything that seems off pls 😞. 17/12 allen sees this as an alright finished product#This is like a tradition within my country and some others so don’t mind my whining and I felt weird I didn’t do#this last new years but imma start by this year. I am sorry if I’ve offended anyone#I promise it wasn’t intentional and I have kinda matured I still am pretty immature but I swear I am trying my best.#Additionally I don’t remember some things I’ve posted I remember seeing a reblog that I didn’t remember rebloging#and the next day it was gone I’m pretty sure no one took my devices nor my account is hacked#I’m not saying this as an excuse for anything offensive#I may have said to anyone I’m just stating this as I have some assumptions on my memory#Besides that I really do appreciate everyone who had been patient and supportive with me#ik I’ve said this like last week (I think?) but I#seriously cannot thank you enough. I hope everyone is doing well don’t forget to eat and stay hydrated and cheers to the new year! :D
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reminder that if you're not watching Crayon Shin-chan then you are living a hollow and empty life. this is not edited. this ripped straight from the movie (Movie 8: Jungle That Invites the Storm, highly recommend for fellow Masaaki Yuasa lovers)
if you need further convincing: these monkeys run an animation sweatshop
#i've made this disclaimer on another post but will again since i've seen a lot more of the movies now#the movies are VERY good and very enjoyable but unfortunately the first handful are bogged down by transphobic/homophobic/okama stereotypes#they kind of vary in their severity. Movie 5 i think is the biggest catalyst because it features the stereotyped characters the most#prominently. Movie 3 doesnt really have caricatures per se but saves a very backhanded reveal for the end#Movies 1 and 4 are a bit more tolerable if my memory is correct. Movie 2 i think is kind of comparable to Movie 5 with its caricatures#in that the characters have similar roles in both movies#i admittedly can't remember what caricatures there were in Movie 6 or 7. 7 i think barely had anything#RAMBLE RAMBLE BASICALLY: these jokes are within the first 7 movies or so 5 being the zenith then reducing down and down. by movie 8 it's sa#e#i give these disclaimers because these movies are all very enjoyable and i would not recommend them if i didnt think there wasnt any merit#o them. they are all very much worth watching. Movie 5 still has a lot of very enjoyable stuff in it (there's a showdown in a supermarket!!#but i just want to make sure that is clear and established since transparency is good to have and i dont want anyone's viewing experience t#be ruined because they weren't given the proper warning#if it's any consolation it's my understanding that even the directors hated doing the jokes#iirc Keiichi Hara really didn't like doing the jokes and i think had a talk with the mangaka Yoshito Usui and was like 'uh dude this is#gonna age horribly can we maybe not'#ironically Hara's first film is Movie 5. which is again the biggest offender#BUT! that is my spiel. my understanding is that it's contained to those 6 or 7 first movies and i think is strictly just a movie thing#so please do give these films a watch but just be mindful at the same time#if anyone needs recommendations my favorites have been movies 4 and 9 but i genuinely really enjoyed every one that i have seen#i've seen the first 11 and a half movies (need to finish 12) and movie 22. the worst i've felt about one is 'oh that was pretty good!'#each film has its own merit and is very very very much worth watching#22 was the first Shin-chan anything i watched and all my Shin-chan expert friends say 4 is a good introductory piece#in case that influences anything/makes it easier to break in#so. thus concludes my spiel#csc#vid
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books read in 2025 🤍
books read so far: 10 reading goal: 100
as always, askbox + dms are open if have any questions or would like to chat about books! you can find me on goodreads here, and on bookstagram here. 🤍
♡ indicates any new favorites; ⊹ indicates a reread.
january ⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚
1. writers & lovers by lily king 2. the art of memory collecting: 15 scrapbook, collage, trinket and zine projects for crafting treasured moments by martina calvi 3. tom lake by ann patchett (audiobook) ♡ 4. our town by thornton wilder ⊹ 5. beloved by toni morrisson 6. promise me sunshine by cara bastone (arc) ♡ 7. days at the morisaki bookshop by satoshi yagisawa & translated by eric ozawa ♡ 8. small things like these by claire keegan (audiobook) 9. beartown by fredrik backman ♡
february ⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚
1. the fellowship of the ring by j.r.r. tolkien (audiobook)
#post: 2025 reading thread#hello coconation i am trying to get back into the swing of things!!#i have knocked off 3/25 books on my 25 in 2025 list so far <3#i can see why people love writers & lovers! and i think the way lily king wrote about grief really resonated with me#i really liked casey as a character but sometimes i was very frustrated with her i'm not going to lie!#the art of memory collecting ... unfortunately i fell victim to craftok's influences ... and i do not think it really taught me anything ne#but it is very pretty and i'm sure i'll look at it if i need inspo or something ... in the future ... at some point. ... maybe.#tom lake. wow oh my. my first ann patchett and i adored it; a beautifully written book made even better by meryl streep's audio narration#slower paced than what i'd normally enjoy but i never lost interest + honestly felt like one of the girls themselves#just sitting and listening to a story of my mom's past + trying to figure out what was next and trying to get a better understanding of her#and her choices it was just so brilliant and i loved it so#and then of course i had to reread our town <333333#(and also watch the 1940 film after that but that is not the point here)#i also want to say that it is very clear that ann patchett loves our town + molded tom lake around it in a very careful + tender way#and then i read beloved by toni morrison and i had chills the entire time and it was brilliant & i will be thinking about it for a long tim
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if i had a nickel for each otp i have that's destined not to be together because ultimately their stories are not about a happy romance but rather of coming-of-age/maturity and deep mutual affection that can't be destroyed even by the bittersweetness of the narrative and the recognition of the barriers that stop them from being together, then i'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.
#when i was watching escaflowne all i could think about was the parallels between hitomi x van and merrick x shayla#like the stories and ships are so different but so similar#because even though i felt robbed of the ending in wild force#i still (begrudgingly) admit that raising our hopes for them getting together only to dash them was compelling and realistic#because their roles are so different that they're always doomed: even if merrick had fallen asleep with shayla in animarium#it still wouldn't have given them a happy ending or a chance for them to really be together#because they'd be asleep for what? another few millenia? and that's assuming the orgs ever return#if the orgs don't return then they'd be asleep forever but if they do then they wouldn't be able to enjoy anything just constantly waiting#for escaflowne too even though van and hitomi love each other and helped each other grow hitomi could never forsake her world for gaea#imo they both want to preserve the fondness for each other as smth sweet and not allow it to grow into a reminder of a bloodthirsty past#but let their memory cement a moment of hope and coming of age#merrick baliton x princess shayla#shayla x merrick#power rangers wild force#van fanel#hitomi kanzaki#tenkuu no escaflowne#the vision of escaflowne#escaflowne#my post#thoughts#fandom things#van x hitomi#sherrick#princess shayla#merrick baliton#i also feel like this could apply for gregor and luxa too#slightly#someone please be in the same small fandoms as me
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[Images description: Twelve pictures of Star Trek actors. The phrase "thank you for being both amazing actors and amazing people" is written across most of the images one word at a time, except for the two images in the middle. The middle images are of William Shatner, reading "not you!" and Robert Beltran, reading "or you for that matter". The actors in the other images are George Takei, René Auberjonois, DeForest Kelley, Gates McFadden, Wil Wheaton, Kate Mulgrew, Patrick Stewart, Siddig El Fadil (aka Alexander Siddig), Nichelle Nichols and Leonard Nimoy. End image description.]
Non exhaustive list of course. Many more such cases, in fact feel free to add
(insp)
#i considered putting sid's full name in the image description but i felt that might complicate things for screen reader users#but just so it's in the post i'll put it in the tags#siddig el tahir el fadil el siddig abdurrahman mohammed ahmed abdel karim el mahdi#yes i did copy paste it my memory is shit. i can't even remember my own full name...#(i gave myself like five different middle names at one point because if i'm already changing my name for trans reasons i might as well have#fun with it right but eventually i stopped using them because i literally kept forgetting my own name and had to look it up)#(i still have the note btw and since it seems i won't legally be using that last name anyway (nor any of the middle names) feel free to ask#anyway#star trek#not star trek#(schrödinger's post lol)#oh!!! i forgot one version of sid's name!! here goes#صدّيق الطاهر الفاضل الصدّيق عبدالرحمن محمد أحمد عبدالكر��م المهدي#to be fair there's nothing in that tag (right now) but i guess i'm a completionist. or something#the others are ofc already findable because of the image description#oh and just fyi if you wanna add others do feel free to add new trek actors. i didn't include any here essentially because as soon as i inc#include one of them people are gonna complain i didn't include more of them. plus i ran out of space. sorry tawny#oh and to that one anon: i WILL still answer but i needed a break lol#original posts fresh from quark's pussy
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Thoughts
"Every life changing events, there's no doubt we'll change."
"But one thing I wanted to stay unchanged is being beside you...so.."
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"If there's a next life, let me be reborn with you."
#kirby#meta knight#bandana waddle dee#king dedede#kirby of the stars#hoshi no kaabii#hoshi no kirby#return to dreamland squad#this is nothing serious shjshsj#its just that thought that you wanted to stay by someone side forever because you love them too much#in a way this is kind of inspired by 'sweet time' by Porter Robinson#how is this in Kirby's pov. not even i know but here I am#I just woke up from a nap to post this. How is everyone doing#I have interesting issues with my legs#They're healing well but man why do my body felt like it's falling apart and I'm barely in my 20s#I always rambled abt myself huh? Sorry sorry back to the art#if i scratch my memory hard enough. I think this kind of inspired by the next gen au of Kirby?#The longing of meeting them again if one had passed on#and also demon slayer. i cannot get rid of that hyperfixation anytime soon#the line of 'reborn together as someone close in our next life" has been my favourite to implement in stories that revolve around death#okay enough rambles#tata :D <33
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Oh btw I’m getting into journaling + art journaling :3 I think it’s gonna be really fun I hope I don’t sink too much time into it!! Eep!
#batty posts#I just think it’ll be really nice to have a physical record of like. plans and goals and hopes#and memories and like. how I was at certain times#what I spent my time doing. how I felt what I was interested in#so on and so forth
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I've been thinking again about Minkowski and Hera during the time when Eiffel was stranded on Lovelace's shuttle - about how Hera had gotten so used to monitoring Eiffel's wellbeing, and how Minkowski felt responsible for his safety, and how neither of them cope well with not knowing things they feel they ought to.
Perhaps one day Hera notices Minkowski reading the nutrition information on the back of the ration packs (the same kind as the ones that were on that shuttle). And Hera knows what Minkowski's doing, because she's been running the same calculations herself. Calories in one ration pack multiplied by number of ration packs on the shuttle, divide that by minimum calories required per day, add something on for the number of days survivable with no food at all...
Hera's got access to plenty of information about what the human body can survive, but there's too many variables here. How damaged is the shuttle? What's the temperature like? What's Eiffel's body weight? And there's too many horrible questions that Hera and Minkowski don't want to think about, and are unable to stop thinking about. How much will to live does Eiffel have? How long can a person hold onto hope in a situation like that?
Perhaps they each separately decide on an answer to their calculations, if only so they can pretend they know that he's currently still alive. But their mental countdowns tick down. And so maybe there comes a day when Hera glitches much more than usual. And maybe not long afterwards there comes a day when Minkowski can't seem to focus on anything at all. And maybe they talk about it, or maybe they don't. But either way, they both know that the other is thinking over the same question. And they are both hoping - more than anything - that the answer they've arrived at is incorrect. They are both hoping for an answer that seems impossible.
#Wolf 359#w359#I thought about writing this as an actual fic#but I know in my heart I'm not going to#so here's just a random sad post#Apologies#I go back and forth on how much I think Minkowski and Hera talked to each other about Eiffel during this time period#Like sometimes I believe they must have talked to each other a lot about how they felt about losing him#and about the memories they shared of him#because the alternative feels too bleak#But other times I acknowledge that neither of them are really winning any prizes for opening up about their feelings#Either way I think Minkowski and Hera did provide really important support to each other in this time#even if it was more unspoken#I think the way they had to rely on each other in this time really strengthened their bond#Also I couldn't be bothered to figure out actual numbers for how long it might have taken him to starve to death#Lazy research provides too broad a range of answers about that#and I know this doesn't acknowledge the cryo pod#but Minkowski and Hera might not even have had evidence that it was functioning#and they certainly didn't know whether he'd use it#Wolf 359 spoilers#w359 spoilers#the empty man posteth#Hera & Minkowski#Eiffel & Minkowski#Eiffel & Hera#tw starvation
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sorry but i hate that claudia's dress is hung up like it's in a museum. i know why it is, and it's sweet and tragic and i don't blame louis for trying to both honor and grieve her in this way, but i hate it <3 that her clothes fitted perfectly just for her by her immortal companion, just like her diaries, her own private thoughts penned down throughout her life, have been preserved and made perfect in bright open spotlight for gloved hands and watching eyes to feast on even in death. kinda hate it here
#j watches interview with the vampire#sorry i can't stop thinking about claudia she is haunting Me#like i understand keeping it! i'm assuming he got it from the theatre before burning it down since santiago clearly kept it#and i was struggling to think of how louis could treasure it in a way that didn't feel almost. exhibitionist#and i was like well. actually lots of people keep and treasure personal mementos like this#they just don't have the money or desire to put them on display#they tuck them in chests or boxes labeled keepsakes and pull them out to hold and breathe every once in a while#they're private reminders of love and life just for us#but a tragic thing about louis i think is both that living post claudia has felt more like playing house for so long#and his own grief being back burner-ed for decades at a time leads to processing in a more poignant and visual way like this#for louis i think it's fine tbh! i think it's what he needs to feel close to her beyond the rocks in his ankles#but for claudia i hate it#if that makes sense. there is no reminder of her after her death that can't feel a little Displayed and i think it's by design#it's a story about memory and the exploitation of writing it down and publishing it#putting your own personal everything on display to be consumed by onlookers#and since claudia now only exists in memory of course she highlights this in a most emphasized way of all the characters#it just sucks. guys it SUCKS
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the thing about all those 'first time you saw gay people on tv' polls going around rn is like. technically, yes, it was probably glee for most of those. but by the time i was even at an age to be watching adult-aimed narrative tv shows on the regular i was already extensively familiar with gay fanfiction online
#+ had experienced a lot of only-slightly-over-my-head gay jokes due to my parents' confusing willingness to let me watch#the colbert report with them most evenings.#like it was not. notably formative or meaningful to me. because i felt strongly that i already knew about gay people#and that we were all probably on the same page as a society about how people are gay.#as a result i did not have any particular feeling about televised gayness and did not form any memories of seeing it as a specific event.#box opener#im not sure if this means i was weirdly online relative to other children#or just an awkward age relative to the shows being highlighted in these posts.
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