#i just feel very out of place since most people i meet online don’t talk like i do!

[frothingatthemaw]

I find myself quoting the boys a lot, is there any lines you find yourself saying a lot?

uhmmm. i don’t think so? i think i am embarrassed to do this 😭 my mom says i’ve got funnier since i’ve been watching jackass so maybe the boys have something to do with that? i’m not sure!

[hoes4lino]

🍓 Fields 🍓 | LMH

WARNING ⊂✦⊃ This story contains nsfw content as well as mentions of alcohol; minors please don’t interact, please beware of what you consume online.

Genre: College au, fluff, angst

Summary: He was madly in love, she just wanted to live in peace. What happens when one of the most popular guys in college falls in love with the dork who no one knows?

Word Count: 23.5k

Reading Time: approx 2hrs

Authors Note: In this fic I’m combining two of my favorite things in this world… soccer and leeknow ^•^ y’all should know that Im a hoe for romantic fics, so this was enjoyable to write even though it took me many sleepless nights to finish this. This is my first time writing such a long story, so hope you enjoy!!! <3

It was 3 am and you were already feeling today wasn’t going to be a good day. It all started when you abruptly woke up from what was supposed to be a 30-minute nap, just to look at the clock and realize it was 1:07 am… you overslept 6hrs since you got home.

All sweaty and thirsty, you brag yourself out of bed and opened the shower, while letting the cold water adjust to a warmer temperature you opened your Macbook to check what assignments you had to do for the day.

You internally cursed yourself as you blankly stared at the assignment, <what if I say my grandma died> you thought, as you tried to find a reasonable excuse to give your professor. You had no problem in speedrunning a few designs, however knowing your teacher you rather do nothing than give him some sloppy drawings <he is going to kill me> you cried <thats it, Im failing, im never graduating> as thoughts filled your head, you heard a notification pop in your phone, startling you.

Hello Cornell University!

Today we love to announce the beginning of autumn sports! Please join us tomorrow at the field for the first soccer game of the year!

Go Bears! 🐻❤️

You scoff at the notification. Since you moved for college, you didn’t take the time to make friends or meet any new people in general, you missed Korea and even though you were now at your dream college, you didn’t feel like you fit in here, the cultures were just too different and it made you feel off place, you didn’t like the people here, none of them seem to have manners or have some sense of respect towards others everyone was self-centered, the thing that made you scared to talk to others. You decided to go unnoticed and just stick to the friendships you had back in Korea. Although pulling up to the game and meeting a few people didn’t sound bad, you were a very passionate soccer fan, and meeting people with the same interest sounded exciting.

— — —

It was now 6 am, you had your first class at 8:45 am, and you finished doing your designs although they weren’t your best you were proud of how decent they looked, you grabbed the pieces of paper and placed them carefully into your folder trying to keep them at neat as possible, you thought of making yourself a cup of coffee, however, you decided to take a nap before your class started.

The way the sun rays gently touched your face and the birds sang beautiful background melodies was a warning that you were late to class. Eyes fully opening in panic when you read on the clock that it was now 8:28 am, you had about 12min to get to your class, quickly putting on a denim skirt, some Adidas forum, and a cute top, you rushed to grab your bag and left the dorm running. While running through the now-empty hallways with a piece of bread in your mouth, you brushed your hair and sprayed some perfume on yourself, trying to get yourself as decent as possible. As you were about to turn a corner you crashed with a firm body on the other side, making you stumble and crash yourself onto the floor.

Ashamed of yourself you just stood up and continued running, giving you the curiosity to know who that was and what they said while you left running. Luckily you made it to your class, maybe 5 or 8 minutes late but your teacher was the type to give you a few minutes to settle before he started his lesson in the morning. The class was going by pretty fast you were already in your 3rd period of the day, you went to your architecture class and your professor was impressed with your designs, you explained to him that you rushed through them, however, he seemed to have taken it in a good way.

"It’s ok y/n, I just graduate from college as well, I'm also a victim of procrastination" he whispered as he left a breathy chuckle, in that moment you realized Mr. Hyunjin and you had an age gap of 4 yrs, you two were pretty much alike, if he was your classmate he would be your best friend. At that moment you wondered how he got his teaching degree that fast "However, please do your drawings in time, although this is amazing I can see some of the lines are a little sloppy" he grinned at you as he handed back your drawings "I will Mr. Hawng" you grabbed your stuff; as you were about to leave when he stopped you once again in your tracks "Y/n, you should go to the soccer game today, its a big event and I have noticed you haven’t adapted yet to the environment" you slowly nodded as you gave him a small grin "I will think about it".

You thought of the proposal as you walked to your engineering class, everyone was talking about the game, was our team that good or was it just full of pretty faces and popular boys? Guess we will have to find out at the game. Your thoughts are abruptly interrupted when someone decided to sit next to you, you usually sit alone in this class so you would lie if you said you didn’t feel nervous "Look its miss hit and run" You blink confused a couple of times as you stare at the brunette boy sitting next to you, his cat-like eyes, sharp nose, and plump lips made your heart skip a beat <Is this man-made by the greek god's wtf> he scoffed as you didn’t say anything back at him "thanks to you I was late to my morning class" he rolled his eyes, you could feel your cheeks turning bright red at the embarrassment "I’m so sorry, I was running late to my class" you mumbled as you tried to hide your face in between your books, he scoffed once again. The rest of the class was spent in uncomfortable silence, both of you were working on whatever assignment the professor assigned, however, you couldn't ignore the glances he would give you from time to time.

The bell rang and you tried to leave as soon as possible, quickly packing up your stuff "Do you have Instagram?" he asked before you could get up, he wants your insta? hell no... no one from here followed you and honestly you didn't want them to find your user either "I don't use social media, sorry" With that you left as fast as you could, to you those words meant nothing, for Minho that was like a dagger stabbing his heart, he knew you used Instagram he saw you on the app during the class, that's why he went for it and asked you, second, you have no idea how much courage it took him to ask for it. Minho is not the type of guy to be nervous around a girl however with you… it felt different.

— — —

Once school was over, you went to the nearest Starbucks and got yourself your favorite refresher, however, you couldn't help to ignore the group of girls in there, they clearly went to Cornell as they proudly wore the red hoodie with the mascot on it, they were probably going to the game, however, they seemed to be talking about you "She is the girl I saw Minho with today at class" a blond girl whispered with a tone of disgust "What are the chances of Minho fucking her?" a brunette girl replied, making one of the girls hysterically laugh "Girls lets be for real, look at her and now look at me" She paused as they examined you "You think Minho would downgrade that bad" she said in a sassy tone "hmm I dunno Vanessa... she is pretty solid, and definitely top of my class" the blond girl was quickly hushed as she saw the glare of her friend "Angie if you don't learn how to shut the fuck up, I will kick your ass" <Lord please get me out of here> you thought, as the girls kept gossiping behind you, you don't know what the deal with Minho is, but you definitely didn't want to do something with him, he just sat next to you for a class and now you got people gossiping about you? worse to say, they thought you two fucking? "Y/N" the Starbucks employee yelled, taking you out of your thoughts, you grabbed your drink and left, noticing how that little friend group looked at you up and down, maybe today was a bad day to wear a denim skirt, people will think you a hooker or something. "y/n... so that's her name," Vanessa said under her breath as she watched you walk away.

On your way home you couldn't forget the interaction at Starbucks and wonder who were these girls and why were they targeting you, knowing that you were a topic of conversation at the moment made you sick to your stomach. As you pass by the campus you can hear all the cheering and music coming from the field, tempting you to take a small peak at the game. When you got closer you hid somewhere in between the bleachers and watched, what felt like 10 minutes turned into watching the whole game, but what can you say both teams were competitive and it felt like watching a world cup final. People started to leave and you decided to wait for all of them to leave, you wanted to wander around the field once everyone left. Minutes pass and it was starting to get dark, the field seemed to be now empty so you left your hiding spot and walked around it while listening to "Good Days" by sza. The music instrumental combined with the beautiful scenery of the field with the vanishing sunset gave you a feeling of euphoria, captured by the scene as you stare at it mesmerized, you didn't acknowledge the presence approaching you.

"Fancy meeting you here" Startled by the sudden voice, your instinct was to throw hands, quickly throwing the refresher you had in your hand with half its content in it. The juice splashed all over the boy's face, leaving him with shock showing in his face. "I- I'm sorry," you stare at him scared "I swear I didn't mean to, you just appeared and..." You were quickly hushed as he opened his eyes, looking at you with pure anger "You just dirtied my shirt" he said in annoyment "I have another game tomorrow" he sighed in frustration "Give it to me, I have a washing machine and a dryer at my dorm, let me wash it for you" your voice stuttering here and there, unlike you Minho was enjoying this, seeing the way your eyes trembled and the way you tried to collect yourself to solve this more professionally "Ok, then..." he paused as he was about to take his shirt right there "WAIT" you stop him, your hands grabbing his forearms as you pulled them down with the shirt "Don't take your shirt here" you flustered "Just follow me to my dorm, it will take 30 minutes max and you can clean yourself" you suggested, you just wanted to be done with the shirt incident and never seen him ever again.

— — —

The walk to your apartment had to be the most awkward moment of your whole life. Once the two of you reached your door, you realized the type of person you were dealing with "Hope your roommate doesn't get the wrong idea when I get in" he said in a rather suggestive tone while he glare at you with a smirk, you sighed "I don't have a roommate, I rather live alone in silence" you said annoyed opening the door, making him chuckle "That's some valuable information right there" he said as he closed the door and quickly took his shirt off "where is your bathroom, so I can take a quick bath" you turn around to give him the directions when you were surprised with his honey-toned chest and flat stomach <Lord almighty> it seemed that after all you were right when you said he was built by the greek gods, however, you knew the game he was playing and you were def not forming part of it, so you shook all those thoughts away and took him to your bathroom, where you also explained to give how the washing machine worked and with that, you left him in there.

Now in your mind, you were recreating every single moment of your day. First, you crash into someone this morning, that someone being Minho, one of the most handsome guys you have ever seen, captain of the soccer team, popular and most likely a fuck boy based on the gossip of those girls at Starbucks, and now he is in your house... taking a bath... things can't get any worse at that moment if you told your friends they would swear you are creating some type of kdrama shit in your little delusional head, however, all this was real... which made you sick.

You stood up from your couch with a sigh, deciding to switch to more comfortable clothes and start your assignments, while you waited for Minho to leave. Going to your room you picked up a pink spaghetti strap tank top and your favorite silk white shorts accompanying it with fluffy socks and your pink slide slipper, then you left the room and made your way to the kitchen, reheating some leftover Gimbap from the previous night.

"Ahhh~" Minho teases "So this is what it would feel like dating you, taking a shower after a rough day, to find you in your little pajamas warming up some food for us" At that moment you couldn't focus on his words, as he was getting closer to you with his wet brunette hair and wearing nothing but a towel... YOUR TOWEL... Once he was a couple of inches apart from you, you looked into his eyes and started laughing, at that moment you didn't know if you were laughing at his words, at the whole situation, or out of nervousness.

"And here I thought I was delusional" you chuckle relaxing "Also what are you doing with MY towel" You emphasize the word as he looks down to stare at it "I gave you another one, you were supposed to use that one... not mine," you say in frustration, now you will have to wash it, the water bill was looking crazy at that moment "I liked the texture of this one better, plus I also liked the scent" you scoff at his words and took your food out of the microwave "Whatever, just dress up and leave my house," you said as you pushed him away of your way and sat on your comfy couch, placing your food on the coffee table and picking up the tv remote "So you are just going to let me go like that?" he said with a dumbfounded face, you look at him confused "ermm... yeah? you are only here cause I spilled my drink on you, don't abuse the invite, I could have hit and run like I did this morning" you said as you blankly passed the channels on the tv.

He scoffed, at that moment he didn't know why he felt disappointed, as if he was hoping for more, for you to invite him and have a bite of your food, an invite to sit there with you and watched whatever shitty show you were watching, he walked to the bathroom and took his cloths out of the dryer, he dressed up and even though he was ready, he didn't want to leave that bathroom cause that meant leaving your house.

The reality was that he had been liking you since freshmen year, the moment he saw you at the welcoming party was like you caught his mind, since then he's been in denial of accepting his crush on you. He knew you were shy and that you were good at drawing, he always paid attention to every little single detail of you, he would often find himself looking for you in crowded places knowing that you hated them, he hated every single thing about being in love with you, yet he always craved being loved by you; in the inside, he wanted to worship you, have you in his arms every morning, cook your favorite meals, go on silly dates with you... he would party and fuck around to see if you would leave his mind someday... yet he was never lucky, the only thing that would clear his mind was soccer, he loved the adrenaline, the intensity, and the beauty of the sport, in his head he would often compare his love for soccer with his love for you, the only difference was that one was more realistic than the other.

When he caught you today mesmerized with the field, he felt like you stole his heart for a second time, the way your eyes shined under the sunset, the way the breeze moved your hair, and the way your smile brought warmth to his heart, he felt like it was the day to do something about it, get closer to you. The moment you offered him to come to your dorm, his heart was beating so fast, he has never been this nervous before, and yes maybe he has been in a bunch of girl's dorms before but for some reason, yours just felt special.

He stepped out of the bathroom with a heavy heart, ready to say his goodbyes and leave your life for once, however, he didn't expect to find you knocked out on the couch, the sight of you sleeping peacefully made his heart skip a beat, making him mad at himself for being this down bad. He slowly walked to your sleepy figure, he grabbed a fluffy blanket you had on the couch and wrapped it around you. The next thing he remembers he was on his knees analyzing your face, he has never been this close, and the temptation to kiss your plump lips was bigger than anything, however, he held himself and instead planted a sweet peck on your cheek, with a smile on his face he made sure to leave quietly.

— — —

The next morning you slowly opened your eyes and sat on the couch, you blink a couple of times trying to remember what happened last night, the tv was off and you had a blanket on top of you... <When did Minho leave?> You ask yourself, due to the tiredness you don't remember a single thing. It was a Friday morning, and you had no plans for the rest of the day as you didn't have any lectures till the afternoon, however, you hated staying at your dorm the whole day so you decided to get ready and go for a refresher and then to the library. Today you decided to go with a simple purple sundress and your white Converse accompanied with a white tote bag.

You would lie if you said you didn't feel self-aware the moment you walked through the campus, a bunch of eyes staring at you, confused you tried asking someone around you what was going on, however, you were too scared to approach someone.

"So are you the girl Lee Minho was lucky to pull or is he just a pass time?" a girl with blond hair and lovely eyes said as she approached you "Excuse me?" you raised an eyebrow "I'm sorry, it's just that rumor is spreading like a wildfire" she chuckled while she gave you a warming smile "I'm rosé" she extended a hand in front of you "I'm y/n" you shook her hand while smiling "ermm do you mind telling me what this rumor is about? I'm really confused" she chuckled "Of course, let's go get something to drink first" she smiled grabbing your hand.

"So there is this girl Vanessa and her group of minions," she said while she proceed to take a sip of her drink "She is Minho's ex, however, she seems to not let him go" She paused "He dated her out of pity, she would always go around bugging him all day until he gave in, they broke up because she got jealous of the female soccer managers and threw a fit that expelled Minho from soccer finals... They still hook up from time to time when Minho loses his mind with the alcohol" She rolled her eyes and laughed "And about your rumor..." She pulled her phone out of her pocket and opened Twitter to show you a thread made by Angie one of Vanessa's minions.

"Angie saw you and Minho together after the game... she also saw how he was about to take off his shirt right there" She cringed as she showed you the video Angie took from a long distance... at that moment you could understand the rumor as in all honesty, it did seem like you two were about to hook up.

"That's a misunderstanding, he scared me so I threw my drink at him..." you mumbled, "Well... it doesn't end like this..." She then pulled a second video of you two walking to your dorm at night <Oh Jesus... People think we fucked> your eyes opened in panic... you went from no one to a hot topic in two days... "Yeah... but don't worry, Minho always handles these types of rumors" She reassured you "He is my brother's best friend, so I know what happened" She caressed your arm to ease your nerves "Thank you rosé" You smile "Don't worry I got you, also you can call me Rosie" She grinned at you, her pearly white teeth showing, she was truly gorgeous.

"Do you mind who is your brother, I have never seen you around... but that might just be cause I don't know anyone here" You took a sip of your refresher "My brother is Lee Felix, we like inseparable" You could tell she admired her brother by the way her eyes light talking about him "We have seen you around, but girl you are unreachable, matter many people have been trying to approach you, but everyone is intimidated by you" She laughed.

"That's why everyone calling Minho a lucky bitch, you have no idea how many people would kill for you" When you heard those words your mind went blank... do people think that about you? at that moment you felt mad at yourself for isolating yourself when you could be out there having fun with new people. "There's gonna be a party tomorrow night, be there or be square," The blond girl said as she stared at you with lovely eyes, after that you two talked until you had to leave for your class, today you could say you made your first friend ever.

— — —

It was around 8 pm that same Friday when you spotted Minho, peacefully walking with his headphones on, you slowly approached him to confront him about the rumor "Hey" you touched his shoulder giving him a warm smile, he froze at your sudden apparition "Miss me already?" he said with a smug face "No, I want to talk about the rumor... I talked with this girl Rosé and she told me you usually deny these rumors so-" You were interrupted when he started laughing "Why would I deny it? it's just an innocent rumor we both know it's not real and that should be enough" You couldn't believe your eyes at that moment, the audacity he had to say he wouldn't do it... that was an innocent rumor, you scoff "I'm sorry... innocent rumor? People out there think we fucked" you scoff once again "Ok and? what's the big deal if you know it's not true" his body stiffed as he stood straight glaring down at you.

"You don't know how it feels walking into a place and having a bunch of people talking behind your back? calling you a whore, a pass time?" you crossed your arms and looked around trying to remain calm.

"Knowing Im the hot topic of the day because of you makes me sick" your tone raising without you noticing "You are making a big deal out of nothing y/n" It was Minho's turn to raise his voice, he was about to say something when he got interrupted. "Y/n everything alright?" you turn to see Mr. Hwang "Oh Mr. Hwang" you nervously laughed "Everything alright, thanks for asking" he gave you a charming smile making Minho want to puke right there "I wanted to talk to you about something, do you have a minute? he asked ignoring Minho, which pissed him off even more "yeah sure" you smiled "Let's go to my classroom then," he said and you obediently followed him completely forgetting about Minho. He stood there, body burning in jealousy.

Minho needed to clear his mind, he didn't want anger to control his feelings, but every time he remembered the way that guy talked to you and even the way he looked at you, made him wanna punch his guts, he knew you weren't his but he wanted you all to himself and that's how he ended up in the soccer field kicking the ball as hard as he could and running as fast as he could until his legs gave up.

The roller coaster of emotions drove him insane as he ran behind the ball, thinking that you might like that guy was his final stroke as his legs gave up and he landed on the soft grass of the field, tears rolling down his eyes as he couldn't understand why he felt this way towards someone he barely knew. After he lay on the grass blankly staring at the stars for like an hour he decided to try and let you go, he grabbed his phone and Tweeted that the rumor was fake and to leave you alone, he threw his phone beside him and closed his eyes.

— — —

The next day you noticed Minho publicly denied the rumor, you felt so grateful to him, a warm smile adorning your face, and you kept it a mental note that you would thank him if you saw him.

The party was today and you doubted if you should go or not but after talking with your best friend Eunchae, she convinced you to go and that's how you find yourself wearing a silk black dress with a slit and your favorite heels, for the jewelry you went with a pearl necklace and long gold earrings and for makeup you went with something natural but cute, once your hair was done you grabbed a small bag and left your dorm.

At the party you meet up with Rosé, who you quickly lost as she joined her brother and a couple of other friends, they all disappeared into the crowded place filled with warm bodies, you weren't ready for all the chaos yet; so you made your way to the bar to get a few drinks and maybe lose up enough to start dancing with people, you were feeling yourself for the first time in years, you never thought you would enjoy this; but at that moment you felt that enjoy was not enough to describe how much you were loving this party.

The taste of the bitter alcoholic drink you were consuming plus the music and neon lights of the club made you feel as if everything was in slow motion, maybe the vodka of your drink had finally begun to hit, and you could also feel the temperature of your body rising, your eyes moving in all directions inspecting the people in the room; that's when you spot him.

Lee Minho, wearing an all-black outfit, his shirt was tight enough to give his body justice, plus it had a zipper he kept half opened exposing a bit of his chest, you could see the way girls drool over him and to think you got to see more than that the day he went to your apartment.

His brunette hair and plump lips, for some reason today you felt tempted by them for the first time, the way his cat-like eyes shined under the neon lights... yeah you acknowledge he was handsome, made by the Greek Gods as you would say, however, you were never captive by his charms like today... was it the alcohol? was it because of your previous interactions? You don't know what possessed you to stand up from your seat and made your way towards him.

Once he spot you the smile he had on his face faded away, at that moment you felt he didn't want you there but the way he looked at you gave you a hint that he wanted you there more than anyone. You smiled before approaching him, a giggle escaping your soft lips "I saw that you denied the rumors..." you trace as you study his face "Thank you" you finally said after a pause. At that moment you could see how Minho's body language changed, he went from relaxed to stiff in a matter of seconds "No problem" he said with no expression at all.

This was the first time you saw him this cold towards you, you couldn't quite decipher what was wrong so to lift the mood you grabbed his hand and brag him with you towards the dancing floor "y/n what are you doing" he said as he quickly walked behind you, At this moment he could feel the warmth of your hand touching his, everything was moving in slow motion for him, he was going to treasure this memory forever.

"I don't want to dance alone... I'm shy but with you, I feel like I can be myself" You grin at him as you glare at his deep brown eyes, if this was some kdrama Minho would have kissed you by now... he didn't know how much he would last this "cold treatment" act he was trying to play on you.

"I thought you didn't like our dating allegations, this will just add fuel to them" he scoffs rolling his eyes "Come on... you are Lee Minho" You emphasize his name "Do you really care about those rumors?" he didn't say anything, the tension was increasing creating an uncomfortable environment between the two of you; but you are y/n and you won't give up easily.

Die for you by the weekend started playing and you decided to screw it and let the music guide your body. Minho just stood there watching the way your hips moved to the rhythm of the song, the way you would throw your head back exposing your cleavage, he felt like you were inducing him, putting a spell under him, the way you smiled as you were having fun... he was falling for your act.

Once the music changed he realized he was hypnotized by you the whole time, but what made his blood boil is that he wasn't the only one as he spot more than a few staring at your body, at that moment out of instinct he placed a hand on your waist and pulled you closer to his body, the contact and the warmth of his chest against yours made your stomach tingle.

A few minutes passed and he had his neck in the crook of your neck as you both danced carefreely, he would constantly pull your dress down as it kept rolling up from all the grinding and movement.

Both of your hearts pounded excitedly there was something about this moment that felt special like it was meant to be, however, you were starting to get tired as you weren't feeling the music with the same energy you started. You gently pushed Minho away thank him for the time and left to sit somewhere in the club.

Minho's heartache as you left him, he wished he could stop time so he could enjoy more of your warmth, but he couldn't do anything and he knew it, you didn't belong to him and that's why he let you go.. he stood there watching your figure disappear between the rest of the bodies "HEY MINNIE" a voice squeaked behind him and he knew exactly who it belonged to as the girl hugged his arm... it was going to be a long night for Minho.

It was around 2 am and the party continued, you were pretty tired your social battery drained hours ago, you sat at one of the chairs at the bar and scrolled through your social media, waiting for Rosé to be done so you both could call for an Uber.

"Hey pretty" You look up to see an unfamiliar face, the man was really good looking and you could tell he had more than a couple of drinks by the way he would hiccup from time to time, by his body language you knew he wanted to hit on you and that he was rather desperate, making you uncomfortable.

"Hey" you tried to be friendly either way "You are y/n right, I’m Jake, I think you are really cute" he got closer placing a hand behind your back, at this moment you panicked you had no way of escaping his grip and it was making you feel uncomfortable, also with all the drinks you had you were feeling tired "Thank you so much and nice to meet you, but I gotta go" you nervously chuckled trying to push him away.

"Come on baby… don’t leave without giving me a kiss" With that he leaned dangerously close to your face trying to steal a kiss away from you when he abruptly got pushed away, startle you looked behind to see a rather pissed off Minho "Leave her alone" he hissed at him and grabbed your hand, quickly walking you to the exit "Wait… Minho, I need to wait for Rosé," you said mumbling "Don’t worry, Felix got her" you relax knowing that she was safe with her brother.

— — —

The walk to your apartment was rather comforting than you expected, you thought the walk would be awkward like last time and filled with silence, however, you didn’t expect Minho to be the type of guy that’s easy to talk to… well what did you expect he pretty popular for a reason.

Maybe was the alcohol lingering in the air or the impulsive thought to let him inside and see what would happen, but you never expected that after the first encounter, you would let him into your apartment again.

"It’s pretty late…" you trace looking into his dark eyes "The college staff might give you a warning if they find you" Although you tried to sound as stable as possible your voice started cracking as you finished your sentence.

He opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, however, he quickly stopped in his tracks and slightly smirked "Sure" he smiled as he stepped inside the dorm and took his shoes off.

"I’m pretty tired so I’m going to change into something more comfortable," you said as you dropped your bag in the living room "Make yourself home, I will try to see if I can find something comfortable for you to wear" he looked at you as you walked around the dorm, all he could think of is how close he was but so far at the same time.

"Don’t" he quickly regretted saying that when you turned around to look at him confused "You don’t want comfy cloth?" you questioned, his cheeks lightly blushing… gosh is it the alcohol? he was going to make a mental note to never drink near you ever again "No… no… that’s not what I mean…" he traces shyly, you laugh at seeing him in this condition, where was the snarky, confident man you knew?

"Your dress" he spoke again after collecting himself "You look really pretty in it…" he paused walking closer to you with a smirk and dark eyes "Please don’t take it off yet" his hand moved closer to your face to readjust your bangs.

Once again you don’t know if it was the alcohol or the sinful thoughts you been having about him, but the urge to kiss him was unstoppable.

The way he looked at your lips with those dreamy eyes, with a soft hand resting on your cheek… everything at that moment felt perfect but you just met him a couple of days ago, that made you uneasy, but as your faces got closer and closer by the seconds you couldn’t help but let it happen; you closed your eyes in anticipation but then you came to the realization, that you are not about to kiss with the love of your life, this is Lee Minho… one of the biggest fuck boys in your college… is it worth it risking a night with him and then be the topic of conversation the next day?

You quickly moved your head to the side of his neck "Woah that tequila got me messed up" you laugh awkwardly as you backed away "Maybe on another occasion you get to see me with another pretty dress" You winked and went inside your room as quickly as possible.

Minho was left dumbfounded in the middle of your living room, he cursed himself for being too obvious and too desperate… he was scared you knew his true feelings, however, he is not the type of guy to stress over a crush so he shook his thoughts away and decided to wait for you in the living room while he watched something on the tv.

"Fuck" you mumbled as you struggled to zip your dress off, you had no trouble putting it on, but it seemed like the zipper got stuck on the fabric at some point, you walked around the room questioning what to do <C’mon y/n… you live alone if he wasn’t here what would you do…> stress quickly overtook you as you got more and more desperate trying to get rid of the dress <I guess I could cut it> you thought as you spotted a pair of scissors in your table <But its channel… I went on bankrupt to get it> you cried internally <They better make better quality zippers next time> you sigh in defeat.

Shyly you walk over to your door, the faint sound of the tv getting louder as you are slightly open the door "Ermmm Minho" you said quietly in a whisper, surprisingly that was loud enough to get his attention "Yeah" he said his gaze not leaving the screen in front of him "I need your help" this time he turned around with a confused look "The zipper is stuck… can you help me?" you said sounding defeated.

He hummed in agreement scared that if he used his words he would make his excitement obvious, you grabbed his hand and led him into your room, it was the first time he ever saw it, the scent of lavender and vanilla that surround your room smelled just like you, he studied the room spotting a bunch of books all over the floor.

"Don't mind the mess" you say "I have been busy with work" You sigh as your turn your back and moved your hair exposing the zipper of your dress "Don't worry about it, out of all the girl's rooms I have been, yours is the most exciting to be in" he mumbled as he focused on zipping the dress down; you blushed at his comment although you try to not mind it.

"Really? Usually, boys like it when a girl's room is clean," you said as you hold your dress by the chest so you don't flash him, he hummed at your response "A clean room doesn't tell much about you... a messy room feels more intimate," he said looking at the surroundings "by the bunch of books in the floor I can tell you use them often" he paused scanning the room one more time "And..." you could feel the tone in his voice change to a teasing one "by the panties laying on the floor" you look to see where he was pointing at "I can tell you left in a rush that you couldn't pick them up"

Your eyes widen in embarrassment and you could feel your cheeks burn "MINHO" you squealed hitting his chest, Minho chuckled treasuring the moment, everything about this felt intimate, helping you with the zipper, being in your messy room, the way you turned bright red out of embarrassment, he wanted this to turn part of his daily routine and maybe it was because of the alcohol or because of the euphoria of the moment but he wished he could just throw you on the bed and worship you in every single way, however, he shoved his thoughts aside and continued helping you.

He placed a hand on your bare shoulder, and his warm palm sent chills down your spine "Hmmm" he furrowed his eyes and tighten his grip on your shoulder "You weren’t joking when you said it was stuck" he scratched his neck trying to think of a way to get it out "Oh c’mon, you are a man it shouldn’t be hard for you" you spat, desperation getting the best of you.

An airy chuckle left his lips ticking your neck "Now that was a little sexist coming from you princess" you scoff at the pet name his been giving you "Just please take it off, I'm getting hot" you cried "Alright, but don’t blame me if it breaks" he raised his hand before readjusting his position to zip the zipper down.

After what seemed 2 minutes of struggle, he pulled the zipper as hard as he could, not realizing the brute force he used; the zipper snatched in less than a second, your dress falling to your ankles as fast as the light; both of your bodies tensed, you because you realize you wore your black lace undies just in case you brought someone home, on the other hand, Minho tensed as he realizes he messed up and that you were wearing no bra.

"I-" he paused trying to collect himself "I’m sorry" he almost screamed as he threw a pillow at you and turned to look away, you couldn’t help but burst out laughing at the situation, if this would have happened while you were sober it would’ve been a different story, however, the alcohol roaming around your blood made you feel more carefree "YAHH" you screamed in between laughs "You are the one who ripped my dress off, I should be the one throwing pillows at you" you grabbed the dress from the floor to cover yourself and picked up the pillow he threw at you and started attacking him with it.

The room was filled with giggles and pillow feathers as you randomly started a pillow fight. During one of your attacks, Minho was quick enough to turn you around so you would be under him, the sweat forming on his forehead and the dim lights of your apartment made it a delightful sight.

"What? Already falling for me" he smirked as he got slightly closer to your face testing the waters, you scoff and smiled back hanging your hands behind his neck "You wish" You moved one of your hands to his face and traced his features like if he was some type of sculpture "However…" you quickly stopped yourself from continuing before you made a mistake "However?" he whispered as his eyes looked from your eyes to your lips back to your eyes, one of the hands that was resting besides your face moved to grab the side of your waist and slightly massage it.

You parted your lips contemplating if the words that were about to come out of your mouth would be worth it "fuck it" you mumbled as you closed the gap and gently kissed his lips.

You can’t describe the feeling of his lips on yours… they are soft… really soft and warm, it felt like you were on cloud 9, as your lips parted a faint moan left his lips in complaint "I wanna taste you" you whispered in his ear, his eyes quickly turned dark in lust and the smirk planted on his face could only describe his satisfaction at that moment.

Were you going to regret it tomorrow when you were completely sober with a hangover? yes… definitely but it's Lee Minho when do you get the chance to get laid by such a man? FUCK IT.

Once again you pushed him down your lips, this time the kiss being rough and desperate, moans leaving in between kisses "You don’t know the mistake you are doing" he mumbles in between the kiss, you parted your lips to look into his eyes and smile at him innocently "I know what I'm doing" you took your arms off his neck and move them to reveal a little bit of your cleavage.

You were teasing him and he knew, the bulge on his pants being an indicator he was enjoying it "fuck" with no warning he grabbed your hands and placed them on top of your head, one of his hands grabbing them down while the other stopped him from crushing you, his lips went back to yours, his tongue dancing along with yours, bitting your lips here and there, you spread your legs unconsciously making him smirk as he placed his leg in between your thighs and pressed into your panties, which by the second were getting wetter and wetter.

You swore you could get drunk on the wet kisses he was leaving all around your neck and cleavage, they were so addictive and the way he would force you to make eye contact or else he would stop had you on the edge. He made his way to your ear and bit it while you tried your best to not grind on his leg.

"You are getting too desperate princess" he whispered while gently caressing your wrists his been holding this whole time, he placed a chaste kiss on your lips "It’s time to stop" your eyes widen at his words… stop?! does he really want to stop??? did you do something wrong…

"Why?" You questioned as he was getting up "D-did I do something wrong" The panic in your tone scared him "No princess, of course not" he said while he hugged you and caressed your hair "I don’t get it.." you trace trying to hold back your tears from embarrassment "You are drunk… we are both drunk… I don’t want to take advantage of the situation" you pulled away from the hug and look into his eyes trying to see if he was joking, but to your surprise he wasn’t, he was straight up serious <A fuck boy who doesn’t want to fuck> you thought as he grabbed your hand "You should go to bed, it's pretty late princess" he stood up and guided you to your bed, he planted a kiss on your forehead before leaving "Sweet dreams princess, don’t forget to include me in them" he chuckled as he closed the door and left you with no words in your bed.

— — —

Two months passed and you and Minho became really good friends, both of you seemed to collectively agree to never talked about that night ever again; although there was some tension lingering between the two of you, you decided to ignore it, mostly because Vanessa has been sending you threatening notes from time to time; she believes you have no clue who those notes come from but it couldn’t be more obvious; the situation was more annoying than scary.

Another reason why you and Minho kept things as they are is because of soccer, he is busy with practice you barely see him, and only during your engineering class and parties rosé makes you tag along.

You have also been busy with your self-development or that's what you call it. You have made a bunch of new friends, mostly thanks to Hyunjin, he is supposed to be your professor but you truly appreciate the soft spot he has for you "I have been in your place" he told you once when he invited you for a quick treat, since that day you understood that he is helping you do things he wished he did during his college career.

So far you are loving the new version of yourself and you rather focus on yourself than on anything else.

— — —

"YAH MINHO" you squealed as you land harshly on the soft grass. It’s been a week since Minho begged you to join him at one of his soccer practices.

You scoffed as he screamed at the tv "This players are ass, I could beat them any day" You shoot at him but quickly regretted your words as he gave you a death glare "Don’t you dare insult my idols like that, I bet your ass won’t last a minute in a game or worse a second at a practice" you took that as a challenge, one that you regretted the day after; since then his been bugging you around with it so you finally cave in.

"Told you" he continued to laugh historically "You are too pretty to last a minute in a soccer practice" he smirked while he walked to you to help you.

You roll your eyes at his words and stood up yourself, rejecting his help, you walked towards your backpack "Woahh quitting already" You could feel the quirkiness in his tone as he followed behind you.

"You wish, Im just getting started" You took a ponytail out of your bag and turned around to face him while you do a medium ponytail.

Minho has been trying to hide his feelings for you, but it's the bare minimum you do that gets him flustered, the way your soft hair moves as you tie it and little details in your face like the mole in your bottom lip that makes him wanna kiss every single inch of you.

A loud smack is what snatched him out of his thoughts, he looks at you blankly while caressing his cheek "What the actual fuck y/n" he says in amusement which you only blink innocently in return.

"I asked you something and you never replied so I found out a good smack would kick you back to your senses" You smiled as he looked at you offended.

"I would beat your ass right now but that’s something I’m saving for another occasion" You could sense the double meaning behind his words but you shrugged it off "Other occasions will it be" you chuckled "Anyway back to what I was saying" you roll your eyes knowing he didn’t hear a word of what you were saying.

"Why do women's sports shorts have to be shorter than men’s sports shorts" You looked down at your legs "You are wearing Nike Pros, those are supposed to make you feel comfortable while moving" you scoff "Comfortable?!?!" you paused to look at him in disbelief.

"How am I supposed to feel comfortable when I feel my ass is bare naked" Out of instinct Minho tilted his head to check you out, making you hit his chest "YAH LEE MINHO" You gave him a death glare as he swung his hand in the air in defense.

"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to my body just moved," he said in panic, his ear turning in a faint shade of red "Whatever let's just start this practice" You pushed him and walked towards the center of the field.

After the hours passed you felt how your body was dragging you down to the grass, the cold and soft grass touching your skin, sweat dripping down your face as you tried to control your heavy breath.

The feeling of the cold breeze touching your body and the sight of a sky covered with stars felt so euphoric, a moment you wished to be trapped in. It was a feeling you haven’t experienced before, you were used to exercising but this felt different; it felt comforting… safe.

"This is a vulnerable moment for a soccer player" Minho whispered next to you, trying not to ruin your moment.

You turn your face to see him, his sharp features being hit by the soft moonlight, breeze moving his hair lightly "Tell me more" you whispered back.

Even though Minho couldn’t see your face he knew you were smiling, he could feel it in your tone "Once your legs give up to the point your body brags you down to the grass" he trails, debating whether he should turn his face to face you "That’s when you know, you did your best, that's the moment you realize you can rest from all your hard work, it’s like a prize you know?" He turns to face you, your eyes were wide looking at him, he could see the shine of the stars in them.

"A prize" you raise an eyebrow "But what if I feel like I didn’t do my best?" he chuckles "It’s a prize because it's a feeling that lets you clear your mind, you may lay down in the grass feeling like a piece of shit but when you get up, you feel like you can rule the world" he chuckles when he sees your face even more confused "Forget it, you won’t get it," he said as he sat down.

"This is going to sound crazy but I think I do" You copy his movements and sat "It’s weird but I feel refreshed…" you mumbled as you stare at the stars.

As you both stay there in awe a shooting star flew across the sky "Woah" you both said in synchronization, turning to face each other and laughing "Make a wish" he said as he went back to stare at the stars "You should make one too" you closed your eyes to make your wish "I already did" he mumbled as he stared at you.

To this day he hates himself for loving you the way he does. After that night at your apartment, he tried to distance himself, he wanted to take things slow, he wanted you to know him for who he is not for the fuck boy image he won over the years. He wanted you to be madly in love the way he was, he wanted you to crave his attention the same way he did with you.

"What did you wish for?" You broke the silence slightly opening your eyes "It’s a secret if I tell you I might jinx it" you scoff in annoyance "Not fair, now Im curious" You closed your eyes again "Just finish your wish and let’s go, It's getting chilly" He stood up to grab your belongings and get ready to leave.

— — —

The days keep flying by, and Minho’s company became something of your daily life; no matter where you were or the time, he would find a way to be there. At first, you thought it was who he was, pretending not to care about others but secretly wanting to be with them; but as you progressively got closer to him, you noticed the special treatment he would give you from time to time.

Your friendship anniversary was getting closer as yellowish colors started to paint the trees. It was a chilly night on the October breeze when he mentioned it to you "Isn’t it crazy, how it has been almost a year since the morning you ran into me"

You never took track of time the same way Minho did, he would remember every single date he considered special or worthy of remembering.

"Can’t believe so much has happened during that period" you said in a nostalgic tone, remembering how you met, the rumors, the day you became known because of a boy's attention.

That day on your way home, you scrolled through your phone, looking at all the silly videos and pictures you took with your friends and Minho. You wonder what would’ve happened if you hadn’t crashed on Minho that day… would you still be unknown? Would the two of you eventually meet?

All the what if’s started to give you a headache, so you threw yourself in bed and decided to go on a slumber sleep.

— — —

The way his soft lips left wet kisses all over your neck was a delight to your soul and body, the faint whimpers that left his mouth as if he was begging you for more, you opened your eyes, looking at the brunette boy on top of you.

You couldn’t see his face but everything felt a little too familiar, you moved your hand to squeeze his hair, giving light tugs that would gain soft moans from him "Can I" his voice was raspy and soft there was care in his tone.

You just nodded as he slid a hand under your pajama shirt and teased your boobs, drawing circles around your nipples but not touching them, his lips too busy with your lips as his tongue explored yours.

A loud moan escaped your mouth as he suddenly pinched your nipple, a smirk forming on his lips "Please let me fuck you till you scream my name" he whispered in your ears while nibbling it; you just nod at the sensation, you wanted him to do more than teasing, he was making you desperate and he knew it… both of you knew it by the way you crossed your legs in search of some friction "Easy princess, let me worship you" he moved back to your lips, the room being filled with wet noises coming from them, his hands moved from your boobs to your legs, separating them as he left your lips once again.

His body was now kneeling in between your legs, your body temperature rising even though you were wearing shorts and a t-shirt. His soft hands caressed your thighs as he made eye contact with you, the crazy feeling about all this was that you couldn’t see his face clearly, which made you even more desperate. "May I take it off" he signaled at your shirt, there was something about him asking for consent that made you feel a pool of butterflies in your stomach, you slightly nodded, suddenly feeling aware of the situation.

The smirk that adorned his face suddenly softened as he stared at your body topless "Fuck" he mumbled to himself as he dived into his chest, his mouth wrapping automatically on one of your nipples as he played him with the other one with his hand. The way his tongue would move up and down on your nipple would make you squirm in place, There was something delightful about the way he would aggressively suck on your nipple but would leave kisses on them whenever you made a sound of complaint.

As he kept working on your tits with his mouth, one of his hands slid down to tease the band on your shorts, hand sliding even deeper to touch your pussy lips, his middle finger moving up and down your folds dispersing the wetness all over your core. "Please" you begged through moans as your hips unconsciously moved to grind on his finger "Say my name and you have it" he teased biting your lips, you cried in frustration you didn’t know who he was, suddenly he slipped the finger inside you making you moan loud as the sensation "Please" you cried "Say my name" he kept whispering in your ear as he trusted his finger inside you painfully slow.

You squirmed underneath him tears falling down your cheeks as you tried to find his name in the back of your head, a second finger was inserted slowly stretching you out "Please let me fuck your cunt senseless" he begged "Say my name y/n… please" he sounded just as desperate as you, at least you knew he was also being tortured.

The torture continue as you felt his boner on your thigh, his position switching so he could give ghostly kisses on your clit, your hips buckled up at the sensation, his nose hitting that spot you needed him to work on, a moan came out of both of your mouths "Please say my name" he kept repeating, frustration overtaking you as you start to cry "Please just fuck me" you cried grabbing his hair so he would look at you "PLEASE" you cried even harder, your head going blank by the second "MINHO PLEASE FUCK ME"

Suddenly you jumped out of your bed, hitting yourself on your night table "OUCHH" you hissed as you curled yourself up in the bed, then you remembered your dream, the obvious wetness you felt between your legs being the evidence that you did have a wet dream about Minho.

You cringe at yourself as you turn to face the ceiling… what was happening? where you developing feelings for him? <Nah… I don’t think so…> You told yourself <Maybe it’s the hormones… I haven’t been laid in a while> you laugh it off as you get up from your bed to take a shower and clean yourself, however, you still felt unease at the dream you just had.

— — —

After that dream you decided to take a hot shower, and wash away all the sweat and thoughts from your head; however, the shower didn’t quite help you forget about the dream or Minho.

Suddenly your bell rang shrugging you off from your thoughts, quickly you closed your shower and wrapped yourself with your towel, you weren’t expecting any visitors since it was a Sunday night. You looked through the peephole and spotted Minho… looking a little beat up?

"Gosh, Minho what happened" you spat quickly as soon as you opened the door, distress in your tone as he falls in your arms. He was struggling to keep up with weight so you grabbed him and tried to walk him towards your couch.

"I lost my match" he groaned grabbing his head and squeezing his hair "Easy there…" You grabbed his hands stopping him from hurting himself; he gave your hands a light squeeze and sighed.

His pupils were dilated and his eyes looked rather red and watery, was he crying? Was he drunk? maybe both… you were quite confused trying to figure out his state "Were you drinking?" you questioned as you stood to pour him a glass of water.

He was silent for a bit collecting his thoughts "I usually don’t make a big deal when I lose…" he trace as he shifted on the couch, his arms and legs spreading across the couch, head falling back with a sigh. You knew this wasn’t the right moment but the sight of him manspreading in your couch with his soccer uniform was quite a view.

"But" he trailed once again before pausing "Vanessa" he sighed, the tension he was putting on his words was sending you over the edge, couldn’t he get straight to the point "She is making my life impossible" he groaned, you walked back to couch placing the cup of water in the table and sitting next to him "What’s wrong? Is she following you around again? I thought she got a boyfriend…" You were honestly startled at the mention of her name, Vanessa started dating Lucas a couple of months ago, he was the captain of the soccer team and a really handsome and extremely popular guy. "That’s the problem" he placed his hands on his face in frustration "She is only dating Lucas to be "closer" to me" he quoted the word with his hands while rolling his eyes.

"Today Lucas found a letter she was planning to give me… confessing her feelings" The more he talked the more you could sense anger in his tone "He got sooo pissed off and placed me as a sub player for today's match" he sat down and looked into your eyes in disbelief "ME A SUB PLAYER?!" He scoffed "I’m literally the star" he spat quickly grabbing the cup of water and taking a sip.

"Worst part he placed me in the last 10 minutes of the game when we were losing 1-3" he placed the cup back on the table.

"He thought I was gonna pull a hat trick of my ass and save the game, but ofc I didn’t" This time he sounded disappointed rather than mad "At the end of the game the coach scolded me for "poor performance" he quoted his words, then scoffed before leaning back against the couch.

"I felt like shit, useless" he paused "Yah Lee Minho" You grabbed his shoulder which got no reaction from him, seeing him vulnerable like this made your heart shatter in pieces. You knew how much Minho treasured soccer and the sacrifices he does for that sport, seeing him like this because of selfish people made your blood boil.

"I thought a couple shots of alcohol were going to make me feel better" he paused, silence filling the room "but it didn’t" he turned to look at you with a soft gaze, eyes threatening to shed tears as he made eye contact with yours. Soft big eyes that could hold the galaxy in them, Minho treasured them, your eyes were like the door to your soul he could tell what you were thinking by just looking at them, he admired them.

“Then I thought of you” He gave you a warm smile before softly chuckling “It instantly made me smile. So I thought I might gave you a visit” He looked around your apartment before fixing his gaze on you once again.

“It’s…” He paused choosing his words carefully “It’s been a while since I last came here” You chuckle “You are right” Deep down you knew he was trying to switch the conversation, although you wanted to comfort him you figured the best way to do it was by giving the company he needed.

“Although we don’t speak of the last time” You raised your hands in defense, it was his turn to laugh at your actions.

“Now…” You said softly “If you don’t mind, I’m gonna go change. You took me by surprise” If you hadn’t pointed out that you weren’t wearing clothes but a towel Minho would’ve never noticed.

His eyes quickly glanced down, taking into his view a couple of water droplets laying down in your cleavage, your wet long hair dripping down on the couch. His eyes darkened and a shade of crimson red sparkled in his ears.

He cleared his tone “I… ummm sorry for interrupting your bath” He touch his neck in embarrassment. He opened his mouth to say something else, probably another apology so you stopped him. You placed a hand in his bicep to comfort him “Don’t worry about it, I’m here for you” You gave him the most sincere smile Minho has ever seen in his life, a shock of excitement rushing down his body to his… you know.

If you could manage to give him a boner with your smile, he can’t imagine with your body. Minho wasn’t a fan of sexualizing you, he adore you too much to not feel guilt. However he is only human after all.

“I’ll be back. Feel yourself at home” you nudge him with your elbow before getting up and disappearing to your room. He just sat there in the middle of your living room contemplating his life choices, he knew he was at a very vulnerable state, not only emotionally but also physically. He could feel the shots of vodka he took before rushing down his body. One thought let to another and that’s when he decided that if he was going to fuck it up, it was going to be tonight.

He prepared a mini speech in the back of his head, ready to blurt it out once you stepped a foot out of your room. The adrenaline sobering him up as the seconds passed by. What fell like an eternity you finally opened the door to your room, coming out in a set of black silk pijamas. He could feel his dick throbbing in his pants as he saw you walking out <Keep yourself together Minho> He mentally cursed himself.

“Sorry for the delay, I couldn’t find my fave pj’s so I had to stick with this one” you walk over to the kitchen looking for something to eat. Minho just looked at you wondering how you could be so nonchalant about it. Like it wasn’t a big deal… well… it wasn’t… but considering he was fucked up and you we wearing a set of silk pijamas the smoothly hugged your curves was making him even more insane.

“Are you craving something” You ask reaching to the top shelf in your kitchen, trying to grab your favorite snacks “I can ask delivery, I only have leftovers and-“ Your breathe hitched as you could feel his warm body behind you.

“Here” He turned you around and gave you the bag of chips you were struggling to get “T-thank you” you grabbed them and placed them in the counter next to you. However he didn’t move, your body being pressed against the counter. Although he wasn’t fully close to you, the way he looked at your lips drawn you closer to him without even noticing.

“Y/n” he placed a hand on your cheek “I… I have something I been wanting to tell you for a while now” His cheeks blushed in embarrassment, he has never confessed to anyone before and he had no idea what the outcomes could be in this situation. “I been crushing on you for a while now. I been trying to swallow my feelings but I can’t. It’s gotten to the point that I can’t look straight into your eyes cause I’m afraid I will make a mistake” He stopped to analyze your face, he looked into your eyes and found an expression he has never seen before… it was unreadable.

A knot started to form in his throat as breathing suddenly became a hard task for his body to do. You notice his body shaking and placed a hand in his chest and moved your other hand to fix his bangs “Minho… I” you laughed softly “I been feeling the same for a while now. Although I never saw you as something more than a friends, recently you been in my mind lately” The smile that adorned his face in that moment was the most stunning thing you have seen in your life. The way his eyes would wrinkle from his big grin. Minho was just to precious for you to ever harm.

Both of your bodies started to unconsciously get closer to each other like magnets, his face centimeters away from yours “Can I…” You could feel his breathe hitting your lips as he spoke, his eyes never breaking contact with yours as he placed one of his hands on your waist and the other in your hair “May I kiss you?” Something you loved about Minho was his gesture of asking for consent. You didn’t have a big dating history but the few guys you dated never asked you for permission to kiss you or anything else.

You nodded afraid that if you used your words it would expose your excitement. His lips were soft on yours, his movements delicate as if he was savoring the moment, studying every single line in your lips. A soft gasp left your lips as his tongue tapped your bottom lip asking for permission to go in.

It’s been a while since you and Minho kissed on that night, but the fact that now you were both sober… well half sober in case of Minho, however, kissing him sober felt like a whole new world. The way the butterflies erupted in your stomach and the warmth of his hand left a huge impact on your body.

As the kiss started to get more desperate more needy, Minho lifted you up and sat you on the counter, making room for his body in between your thighs. His boner slightly pressing into your pussy, A moan escape your lips in between kisses, the gripped you had in his hair tightening. He groaned as he bit your lip in lust, his eyes opening to look at your face and smile “Do you mind if I mark you” Here we go with the butterflies again, your stomach doing black flips “You can do whatever you want as long as I can do same” He smiled into your neck before biting the soft flesh, you whimper trying to hold back your moan. You were really ticklish and hated when people touched it, however, this felt different a hundred times better.

As he kept leaving wet kisses in every spot he could find. You could feel your stomach rumbling around, you tried to ignore it, however, as it progressively started to get louder you couldn’t anymore. Pushing him off slightly, cheeks burning in embarrassment “I’m hungry” you said with puppy eyes, the room bursting in laughs as his stomach proceeded to groan as well.

“Let me treat you then” He smiled as he helped you down the counter. You didn’t knew he was a great cook, the way his hands cut the vegetables in such a skillful way “You are giving Husband material right now” You joked as you continue to stare at him. He hated the way you could say such words in such a nonchalant way, not knowing the way those words impacted his body, your words going straight to his heart and down to his dick… he couldn’t help it.

He sighed as he placed the knife down looking at you, a smirk forming in his face ready to tease you “Marry me and I will show you how husband material I can be” His dark eyes never left yours, threatening you to stare away, however, you weren’t going to let him win that easily “You wish” you scoffed looking back at your phone, he chuckled “Say’s miss wet panties” You choke on your saliva at his words- how can he be this imprudent?! “Excuse me” you move your gaze back to his, the smug on his face giving you butterflies “I could feel it while we were kissing, your shorts don’t leave much to the imagination” He said as he proceeded to cut the vegetables. Your face turning crimson red as you tried to hide yourself “YAHHH” you threw a piece of potato as him, making him chuchas “Easy there princess, shouldn’t throw food at the possible father of your children” Your eyes widen… this man was really something else. You laugh “Lets not get too ahead of ourselves, you just confessed, are you still drunk?” you tease him, he hummed “I don’t know, want to test it out? See if I make any mistakes” You knew what his words meant and even though it was very tempting all you were craving right now was some good food.

The rest of the night went smoothly, both of you ate and watched shitty shows on your couch, both of your bodies cuddling under your soft blanket. Maybe this was the beginning of you adventures with Minho.

———

It’s been exactly a week since Minho asked you to be his girlfriend. It was a random Friday when you opened your locker to get your math book a letter with little cat drawings falling down to your feet. When you opened it you were greeted with Minho’s hand writing inviting you to go to the field that night.

As you walk anxiously around the field, you look around trying to spot him. Suddenly a hand grabbed yours startling you, in reflex you tried to punch whoever grabbed you but they acted on time and stopped your hand “Easy there Princess” he chuckled. Relief showered down your body as you see him laughing in front of you.

As you scolded him, he grabbed your hand and walked you through a path you have never seen before. You could see lights at the distance, curiosity rising in your head as you kept asking questions; however he never replied he just kept quiet till you reached your destination.

It was a tree house, it wasn’t too far from the field and it was hidden in the tiny forest next to the field, you have never been in one before. He grabbed your hand and told you to trust him. Once there he told you the story about the tree house and how its special to him and his family. Butterflies ran through your stomach at the thought of being the first girl he has ever brought there, it made you feel special. The house was adorned with fairy lights and comfy blankets, a bottle of wine and snacks being placed on a small table. He played your favorite movie, however, out of nowhere it started glitching and the small movie projector turned off. You sighed in disappointment, turning to see Minho. Your eyes widen and your jaw dropped as he was suddenly carrying a ring.

“M-Min… what’s this?” Your brain couldn’t process what was happening at that moment, a million thoughts running through your mind “A-“ you paused “Are you asking me to marry you?!?” Your voice increasing in a high pitch as you talk, you were scared, wasn’t it too soon?! he could see the panic in your face and decided to speak before you decided to hit and run like the first time you met.

You got pulled out of your thoughts as his laugh filled the room “No silly” he grabbed your hand and placed the ring on your finger “It’s a promise ring” He placed his hand on your cheek so your gaze was fixated on his “Every time I think of my future you are in there, and its driving me crazy to the point you won’t leave my mind” The more he spoke the more embarrassed he got, you could see the way his face turned into a light shade of red and the way his voice trembled “I know I’m being too cheesy and I can guarantee you I won’t be able to sleep in peace tonight… but you know” He took a deep breath “I will be able to sleep at peace tonight knowing that you are my girlfriend” He took a second to analyze your face before speaking again “Y/n… would you be my girlfriend?” He tilted his head and smiled, the gesture reminded you of a curious kitten and it made your heart melt. You quickly squealed and wrapped your hands behind his neck stealing a kiss from him “I hope that answer your questions” You say as your lips separate from each, just to reunited a second later. Since then everything has been going smooth, however, its been just one week so you didn’t want to jinx things.

Your doorbell rang and you opened your door to find a big teddy bear behind it.

“Surpriseeee” Minho screamed as he shoved the teddy bear to your arms “Happy one week princess” He tried to kiss you but couldn’t because of the teddy bear in between your bodies “Im gonna do a mental note to buy a smaller one next time” Both of you chuckled as you placed the bear on your living room couch.

“I didn’t knew you were coming today” You softly kiss his lips smiling “My plan was actually to take you out for dinner, but I got assigned a house project” His smile slowly faded away, disappointment taking over his tone “Soo I decided to buy you a small gift” You laugh as you stare at the big ass bear sitting on your couch, you wonder if it would fit in your bed. “I’m still mad Im trapped with the project though… it was last minute too” He cried “Worst part Is that I have to work with Angie and someone else. Working with Vanessa’s minion is definitely hell” He dramatically threw himself into your couch hugging the bear.

“Angie? Damn that’s tough” you sat on his lap and planted your face on the crook of his neck “You got this though” you left a kiss on his cheek and smiled fondly at him. “You sure know how to make my day princess” He sighed “Well I gotta go, I love you so much” He gave you a peck on your lips before exiting your apartment.

— — —

It was around 4pm when your phone started exploding with messages.

Rosie <3 : Y/N

Rosie <3 : Y/NNIE~~~

Rosie <3 : MY PRECIOUS Y/N PLEASE REPLY

Rosie <3 : BITCH IF YOU DONT ANSWER THAT GOD DAMN PHONE

Rosie <3 : WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE ONE?

What do you want? : Y/N

Rosie <3 : Would you go to Jennie’s party with me tomorrow night?!?! Pleaspkeapelaopslepalplsssss

I don’t know…. : Y/N

I made plans with Minho : Y/N

Rosie <3 : Y/N NOOOO THEY GOT YOU, I KNEW YOU ONCE YOU SHOWED ME THE RING.

Rosie <3 : BUT ITS SATURDAYYY.

Rosie <3 : ITS GIRLIES NIGHT

sigh… I will think about it : Y/N

Rosie <3 : THANK YOU LORDDD

Rosie <3 : let me know latest tomorrow afternoon

Rosie <3 : ttyl~~

Byeeeee <;3 : Y/N

You stared at your phone thinking how Minho would react if you suddenly ditch him, technically both of you planned this outing. Switching plans on him out of nowhere was definitely not looking good.

You could hear a faintly ding from your phone as you started to drift away from your sleep, eyes heavy you started to search for you phone without moving your head. You groaned as soon as you saw the time, it was already 10pm. You had no idea when you had fallen asleep, all you remembered was watching south park and eating some leftovers. As you progressively started to wake up you opened the notification that initially woke you up.

It was an unknown number and an image was attached, you raised an eyebrow in confusion as the picture started to load. Your heart dropping immediately to your stomach as you stare at the picture.

It was Minho kissing a girl. You immediately zoomed into the picture, hoping it was all a joke, however, it was not. He was wearing the same clothes he wore today, one of his hands was on the girls chest while the other grabbed her arm. You tried to figure out who was that girl in the picture, your heart dropping once again as you figure out it was Vanessa, you always thought you didn’t have to worry about her; after all Minho seemed to hate her, however, you couldn’t deny she was gorgeous. She was a straight up barbie, plus she was Minho’s ex… what if after a week of dating you he realize he loved her? that he wanted her?

Tears started falling down your cheeks, a knot forming in your throat as you desperately cried in your bed. Your phone flew away across the room as you looked at the bear he gave you “YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME” you punched the bear before throwing it across the room like your phone. You honestly couldn’t believe it yet… while you were sleeping daydreaming on your next date he was kissing some other chick. You stared at your promise ring. As much as you wanted to you couldn’t take it off, you wanted all this to be a joke a set up… but the evidence was water clear. One final tear rolled down your cheek as you took the ring off your finger, you tried to throw it in your garbage but your heart wasn’t strong enough for that, so you opt out to place it in your night table.

That night you cried yourself to sleep, hoping it was all a bad dream.

———

The next morning you are woken up by the sound of your doorbell, whoever was behind that door was definitely desperate to go in. The ringing sound embedded in your head, making you annoyed.

You look through the peephole a wave of emotions attacking you as you see who was behind that door… a knot formed in your throat and tears threatened to fall. You backed away from the door as quiet as possible, trying to make no sound so he would think you weren’t home. The audacity he had to come to your house after cheating on you last night. Maybe the project thing he mentioned you was a lame excuse to go see Vanessa.

You go back to your room ignoring the continuos ringing from the doorbell. You pick up your phone from the floor to find 100+ notifications from Minho, he probably found out he got caught and tried to explain it to you. You weren’t feeling it today, you wanted to forget everything. So you texted Rosé confirming that you were going to the party, whats the best way to fix a broken heart without alcohol?

Two hours passed and Minho finally gave up trying to contact you, he called, texted, passed letters through the opening of your door. For a moment you thought he was not giving up. You knew he left once you heard Rosé’s voice on the other side of the door, you could hear her scolding Minho; telling him to leave you alone for once. He tried to explain things to Rosé, however, she never replied to anything he said.

You got startled when you heard a knocked on your door “Y/n its me~”By the tone in her voice you knew she was trying to distract you. Her voice was sweet and playful. You opened the door to find her with food in her hand “I grabbed something to eat before coming here” She lifted the bag, a big warming smile adorning her face.

Both of you were having a good time eating the food she bought and gossiping around, it was just some quality girl time, last time you had one was a couple days before you and Minho started dating. You didn’t knew how much you missed it till now.

“I don’t really wanna touch the topic between you and that asshole” She exhaled as she thought of her words carefully “But… I think you should listen to him… I mean… he looks too heartbroken for it to be something he did willingly” She finally lifted her head to look at you “His eyes looked tired, he looked like a mess… I have never seen him like this before… He definitely did not sleep last night” She laughed softly trying to lighten the situation.

“I know… I know… but I don’t know how to feel about all this, I want to hear him out but my ego won’t let me” You sighed picking up the dirty dishes “Now lets start getting ready for tonights party, I’m trying to get white girl wasted and have fun” You laughed making Rosé laugh along with you, however, She felt uneasy… she knew how much you hated parties and every single word that just came out of your mouth, wasn’t something you would say in your daily, but she is your friend and supports you 24/7, so she got up from the couch and ran out to you “WOOOO PARTY IN THE USAAA” She screamed while jumping up and down around you.

You took a long bath, it was comforting and relaxing. The way the warm water wrapped your body, you sometimes wishes you could live in your bathtub, it was just too good to be true. You got out and checked yourself in the mirror, you felt hot. Your boobs, ass, curves, everything was perfect to your eyes. You smirked thinking that this is what Minho lost, maybe and you weren’t perfect like other girls but you loved yourself and that’s what mattered.

You grabbed a purple silk dress, it wasn’t the type of dress you would wear considering how short it was and a v neckline that punctuated your cleavage. Rosé made you bought it the moment you both saw it at a store “Save it for a special night” she teased as she brainwashed you to buy it. You never expected to use it but it was too pretty to not get it.

You wore your favorite pearl dress and some sutil earrings, you wore your favorite pair of high heels and call it a day, you came out of the bathroom Rosé’s jaw dropping as she saw you.

“GIRL” She squealed “YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE” She started doing a happy dance “Let me do your makeup and hair and off we go to party land” The excitement in her voice made you forget everything, Rosé was the type of person that could make you feel better in no time, you were really grateful for meeting her.

The moment both of you stepped inside the party everyone’s eyes were on you. You two shared a knowing look and dashed to the bar to get some drinks, giggles and squeaks taking over your conversation as the alcohol ran through your system. Pink Whitney was your weakness, every time you drank it you couldn’t stop, it wasn’t because it was tasty even though it tasted way better than most alcohol, but it was because it made you feel sober making you drink more, but more you drink it, the more fucked up you got.

Two hours passed and you lost track of how many shots you have chugged down, you were currently playing beer pong with Jennie and other friends when you felt the urge to use the restroom. Politely you excused yourself and walked towards the bathroom. What you saw shouldn’t have hurt you the way it did. It was Minho… kissing someone but this time it wasn’t Vanessa, it was some other girl you have never seen before. The way he pinned her against the lonely hallway and placed his knee in between her tights… the sight was enough to sober you up, your heart shattering like a crystal figure that had been slammed against a wall; you were for real done with him.

“You guys lasted more than I imagined” Her voice drew shivers down your spine, you turn to face her, trying to hide your tears “Me and my girls bet that you guys would last 2 days” She laughed looking at you, you felt pathetic “Don’t feel bad though, he is a fuck boy he is meant to play with girls” She faked a pout and caressed your hair “Vanessa, I don’t know whats your deal but leave me alone” You unintentionally raised your voice catching Minho’s and the other girl attention.

“Shit” Minho mumbled under his breath “Y/n wait” he said as you started running away from there, he tried to follow behind you but was stopped by the girl he was kissing, Vanessa turned around to look at your figure disappear between all the bodies, a smirk adorning her face.

You cleaned your tears before telling Rosé that you were calling it a day, you didn’t want to ruin her fun so you didn’t mention the incident. As you walked out of the party you crashed into someone, your eyes widening.

“Mr Hyunjin?” You said in surprise, he chuckled at you “Hey y/n, leaving already?” He looked stunning, his long blond hair and casual attire gave you butterflies, you were used to see him in his typical teacher attire, at some point you thought he had no fashion taste by the way he dressed but now you understood that just his class attire. “Yeah…” You softly exhaled trying to hide your disappointment “May I ask why you are at a student party” You raised an eyebrow in curiosity, the sight making him laugh “Jennie and me went to the same high school, we are really close friends. However due to early degree, I have to keep it professionally” The smile in his face never faded away as he talked “Do you mind telling me how you got your teaching degree that fast?” He laughed again at your curiosity he find it really cute “Sure, but its a long story, why don’t we go somewhere else to talk?” That was an offer you couldn’t deny, specially tonight.

He knew he had no right to be jealous right now, but seeing you walk away with Hyunjin made his blood boil. He carefully followed you guys to a cafe. He sat far enough for you guys not to notice him but close enough to see the way you would laugh at his jokes, how you would often touch him here and there and the glances he would give your chest while you laughed.

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the jealousy that ran through his body, but the moment you excused yourself to the bathroom he found himself walking towards Hyunjin.

He was sketching something on a napkin when Minho grabbed his shoulder giving it a squeeze “Took you long enough” He said nonchalantly as he kept drawing, not bothering to turn around to see Minho “You and your pretty mouth, you swear you are better than everyone” He groaned gaining a laugh from Hyunjin “I don’t think I’m better than everyone” he paused to look at Minho “I just think Im better than you” His smirk was Minho’s last stroke, he lifted his fist ready to punch him when Hyunjin catch it “I gave you time to not mess it up, but you are Lee Minho” His face didn’t have an expression at all, Minho couldn’t understand how he was so well collected while he threw poison at his face.

“I always knew about your little crush on her. I sacrificed my feelings for you, cause I’m a teacher and I need to keep things professional. However, I’m not gonna let you hurt her. I know how hard it was for her to be the person she is now, I’m not letting you ruin that” He started to squeeze his fist and aggressively moved it out of his face. Minho stood there dumbfounded at Hyunjin’s confession.

Minho and Hyunjin had a complex background story, they both met at summer dancing camp. Although both had so much in similar they never clicked, often turning everything into a competition. When he went to college and found out he was one of the architecture teachers he felt sick to his stomach. Hyunjin and him had a gap of 3 years, how come he already be a teacher when he was just starting a carrier. This only made Minho more jealous.

His thoughts were interrupted when Hyunjin spoke again “She is coming, you have the option to leave or face the reality” He smirked once again as he saw the troublesome look in his face, however what he didn’t expect was a tear to run down his cheek “Please take care of her” He said in defeat, a faint smile painted on his face.

Now this was something Hyunjin never expected from Minho, he knew him as the guy who would fight against him till the last breath, seeing him this vulnerable broke something inside him. “Sorry I took so long” You said as you sat down on your seat.

“Minho you idiot” he cursed to himself, so low you couldn’t hear it, at least you didn’t catch on it. He closed his eyes and sighed in frustration.

You were confused as to why you were walking towards the field with Hyunjin, he said he had something to show you, however, there was nothing to see when you were there. He grabbed your hand and placed it in his chest “I know I’m your teacher and this is wrong even though we both adults” He spat as he stared deeply into your eyes “But please concede me one kiss” He looked at you almost begging.

You look down at his lips, you would lie if you said it wasn’t tempting to steal a kiss from them… however it felt wrong and not because he was your teacher but because of Minho. You couldn’t believe yourself after all he did to you, but something deep inside you still believed in him.

While you seemed to be caught in thoughts, Hyunjin spotted Minho behind you staring at the two of you, no expression in his face, however his eyes were dark and his hands were pressed against each other.

Hyunjin smirked and got closer to you, Minho doing the same, Hyunjin knew what he was doing, his plan was to provoke him. Fight for you.

He wrapped a hand around your waist making you gasp in surprise “Hyunjin” you said softly “Shhh just play along” He whispered against your ear, you couldn’t tell why he was doing this until he spoke again “He is watching” You immediately understood what he was doing, you smiled at him “I will” Hyunjin was left dumbfounded at your words “I will kiss you” You finished, he looked at your eyes in panic “Y/n you don-“ His words were interrupted as you planted a kiss in his lips, they were just as soft as Minho’s but maybe a little bigger, however, the sensation didn’t even compared to Minho’s.

A hand grabbed your arm and snatched you out of his grip. “Minho” You said as you panted. “So you decided to fight” Hyunjin smiled proudly “Go ahead and don’t mess it up” He said nonchalantly as he walked away, leaving you alone in Minho’s arms.

It was a chilly night, the breeze hovering over your bodies. Both of you stood there without saying a single word to each other. His body was tense just as yours was. Should you be the first one to talk, tears starting to form in your eyes. He could hear you sniffing so he turned you around to face him.

He had an angry expression in his face which pissed you off but also made you feel guilty “I know I have no right to be jealous or mad right now” He finally spoke looking into your eyes “But I would be lying if I said im not mad or jealous right now” He got closer to you “Y/n… the picture they sent you last night was a set up…” He began to explain “I was doing the project when she came, she tricked me, I was trying to pull away but Jesus Christ she has a strong grip” You lowly chuckled at the playful tone on his last phrase “However today… I did kiss that girl willingly” Your heart once again dropping to your stomach “I was drunk, which is no excuse I know, but I was trying to forget everything. I was trying to forget the fact that I had lost you because of the plan Vanessa set up” He paused, his heart broking as he saw your eyes full of tears, your head staring down at the grass “I was on my 15th shot of the night, when the girl approached me… her scent reminded me of yours. Levanter and Vanilla” He whispered “One thing led to another… Im sorry” He started to cry “I’m so stupid… Im sorry” He kneeled in front of you crying.

You didn’t knew what to exactly do in that moment, forgive him? Comfort him? Leave him there? Screamed at him? You wanted to do all of those options but you didn’t have the heart to do any of those.

“L-let’s go to my apartment” Although you felt you were going to regret it, it was the only thing that crossed your head “Don’t think anything about it, Im just getting chilly” You extended your hand to grabbed his.

The walk to the apartment was silent from somehow comforting, you opened the door and led him inside. He sat on your couch while you brought a bottle of vodka. “You trying to poison me?” He said playfully trying to lift up the mood, however you weren’t feeling it “If we are going to talk I need to take few shots first”

———

You don’t know how you ended up in this situation “Teasing me with this little dress” He slid a hand up your dress and played with the band of your panties “You knew what you were doing every time you bend and moved sensually whenever I was near” He whispered in your ear, gently nibbling it. “Minho” You called out his name softly, his lips interrupting yours with a kiss. It was hungry and lustful, wet noises from the kiss hovering all over the room. Last thing you remembered was shoving down a shot of vodka before kissing him and now you were here.

He was on top of you in your bed, your hands pinned down as he kissed your body up an down. The faint light of your fairy lights being the only source of light in the room. His knee was firm against your pussy, your dress rolled up with all the movement. “You look so pretty” He almost moaned at the sight. Your messy hair, your legs exposed, your white panty on full display, and the way your dress struggled to cover your tits. Minho was drunk in you, he wanted to drink you dry. “We have made a lot of mistakes tonight…” he said in between kisses “Please lets make one that we won’t regret” moved to kiss your neck, softly biting it leaving faint marks in it “Fuck” you gasped in delight “Minho do whatever you want, any mistake I do with you ends up being the best” You could feel his smirk growing against your neck.

Next thing you felt was his nose pressed against your clothed clit, you moaned gripping his hair, he laughed “Patience princess, I want to take my time with you” He kissed your inner thighs up and down, kissing everywhere around but where you wanted him the most.

You felt shameless as you lifted your hips trying to find some type of friction. He just giggled before taking off your panties painfully slow. The cold breeze blew against your pussy making you whimper “Fuck I love it when you whimper” He placed his face closer to your pussy and blew gently on it, mesmerized by the way he impacted your body.

The feeling was mutual though, you could see the way his pants tighten the more he got aroused. Once his tongue was playing with your clit you lost it. It felt like you were on the clouds, his tongue was soft a warm, the slurping noises making you even more aroused. He grabbed your free hand and intertwined it with yours. His thumb caressing your hand as a gesture of comfort. You loved this man so much he didn’t understand.

With his other hand he slowly started stretching you out, one finger, two fingers, three… you gasped, body lifting up as he added a fourth finger. He kissed your cunt and your inner thighs trying to soothe you. “You got this princess” He slowly started to pump in and out of you, being as careful as he could, not wanting to hurt you in any way.

You threw your head back as you could feel your high approaching, moans getting louder and louder by the second. Minho closed his eyes and hummed in delight, his mouth attaching once again to your clit, listening to your pretty moans like it was his favorite song “Min-Minho” You breath hitched as you couldn’t hold back anymore “Go ahead Princess, show me how well I treat you” You came all over his finger and face, your face crimson red as you rode out of your high, embarrassment showering you over.

You could hear his soft chuckle as he kissed you, his tongue dancing with yours. You could savior yourself through his tongue. He sat you down as he glare at you, eyes dark in lust. A whimpered left your lips as he sucked the same fingers that were inside you, sucking them dry in front of you not breaking eye contact. “Fuck you taste so sweet” He was driving you insane. You moved towards him, taking what was left of you dress, your boobs falling free. You could see him salivate over them as he stared at them shamelessly.

“You have no idea how many times I have pictured you naked” He said groping your boob, his finger flickering your nipple. You couldn’t hold it anymore, your hand traveling to his belt, taking it out in a split of a second. Your hand unzipping his jeans as he helps you get rid of them.

You could see his dick through his boxers, a stain of pre cum visible at the tip, you leaned to his stomach and planted few kisses. His whimpers were a melody to your brain.

Removing his boxers, his dick sprung free, you leaned down to give the tip few kitten licks, teasing his slit while applying pressure to it. He groaned as he tightly tugged your hair. A moan escaping your mouth sending vibrations down his dick.

“Fuck… Princess… I don’t think I can resist if you continue” His voice was unstable as he tried to form words inside his head “Please let me fuck you” You raised your face to look at him, smiling as you kiss him wrapping your hands around his neck “I should be the one begging you” You tease, gaining a scoff from him.

He stood up to pick up his pants in search of a condom “Fuck” he closed his eyes, he gave the one he had to a friend who needed it at the party, he turned around to you disappointed “It will be another night Princess… I don’t have one on me right now” His voice was soft and filled with disappointment.

“Fuck me raw” He turned to face you, looking at your innocent face like you hadn’t just spilled one of the most lustful thing. You bat your lashes at him as you sat down like an obedient puppy in front of him. You tilted your head “If you want ofc, I’m under birth control” The way his cock throbbed at your words drove him crazy.

In a split of a second he was on top of you again, his mouth playing with your nipples as he teased the tip of his dick in your folds, he rub small circles around your clit with his tip, drops of pre cum falling down your folds. “Minho please just fuck me” You cried “I always forget you are impatient Princess” He chuckled, sending vibrations down your stomach. The pool of butterflies you were feeling at that moment. You were willing to forget everything that has happened in the past just to have him next to you every day.

He slowly started stretching your cunt with his tip, you groaned in pain, the fingers definitely did not prepared you well to take him in.

Once he was fully in he waited for your sign to keep going. A soft whimper leaving your mouth as you gave him the green light. He started slowly pumping in and out of you carefully.

As he started to feel pleasure as well he couldn’t help but fasten his pace, your eyes fully cloth as you moaned his name “Bet Hyunjin wouldn’t make you feel like this” You don’t where this is coming from but you like the way he talked dirty “Neither any other bitch could take my cock the way your cunt does” He placed his face in the crook of your neck panting. Shivers rolling down your spine “Fuck. The way your cunt squeezes my cock” He threw his head back in pleasure “Let me fuck you like you’re mine” He reposition himself, a hand next to your head while with the other he applied slight pressure on your neck.

He stopped thrusting you, gaining a moan of complain “Princess if you want me to continue I need you to look at me while I fuck you” You could feel your cheeks burn in embarrassment, although you were desperate. You nodded at his command and he continue with his task. His fast pace, the pressure on your neck and his dark eyes piercing yours, it was all too overwhelmed to handle, tears falling down your eyes as you moan.

Seeing you in this state made Minho crazy, you were like this because of him. His cock starting throbbing inside you as you started to uncontrollably squeeze him “Fuck Princess” He moved his hand from your neck “Min” You gasped for air “Im close” You cried out as you grabbed his hair and pulled him for a kiss. “Lets cum together then” he whispered in your ear, he moved his hand to your clit and started rubbing circles in it, while his pace started to move faster. You moaned in his ear as he felt your cum washing over his cock and spilling down your bed sheets. You knee he was close when his thrust became sloppy and he started to slow down, he was about to pull out to cum im your chest when you stopped him “Please breed me” You begged in his ear, he came almost automatically, his seed spreading in your inside “I hope your birth control doesn’t work” He said as he rode out of his high, his cock softening inside of you.

He wrapped you in a warm hug “I’m going to clean everything and then leave, you need space to think” You were disappointed at his words, although you did needed to think things over, you didn’t want to think now. You grabbed his arm “Please stay tonight…” you say softly afraid to be rejected “You can leave in the morning, but please don’t leave when Im sleeping” You mumbled as you cuddled on his chest. He chuckled softly while he played with your hair “If you say so… If it was up to me, I wouldn’t leave your side eve again” With that both of you closed your eyes and drifted to a peaceful sleep.

———

A month passed and you and Minho were keeping things as friends. After all the drama that happened both of you agreed to be friends again before trying things out again. Although it was hard to keep things friendly when you had a bunch of friends who would constantly tease you. At parties they would put both of you in situations were you had to kiss each other for a dare or go in a small closet for 7 minutes. Childish games that you never thought you would be playing in college. Everything seemed to be good, Minho got a restraining order for Vanessa, she had no other choice but to transfer colleges. The pissed off face she had the day you said bye to her was definitely the highlight of the year. Although her friends apologized to you, you didn’t want to know anything about them so you agree with them to forget about each others existence.

As to Hyunjin, he started dating Rosé, it was the biggest plot twist of you life “The moment I saw him at the party I was on my knees” She squealed as she hugged a pillow “And he is a teacher…” You widen your eyes <It can’t be…> You thought as you waited for her to spill the name “Mr Hwang Hyunjin” She moaned taking you by surprise “SO HOT” She pretended to faint dramatically in your bed, making you die of laughter. Gosh you loved that woman so much.

Life was good although it felt incomplete, yeah Minho was your friend but you wanted him to be more than that, however, you didn’t want to rush things so you decided to give it time. Wait for the perfect timing to come.

———

“Nice game Lee Minho” You tease as you hug him “Thank you thank you miss y/n” He chuckled “I scored all my goals in your name, so we can say this was a two person job” You laugh at his words “How considerate of you” You faked an awe face and laughed. It was the end of the autumn sports season, Minho and his team won states and everyone was celebrating “Shouldn’t you be there celebrating? you were the mvp” You raised an eyebrow looking at him “Nah… I rather stay here and watch the sunset with you” You looked at him in admiration, even though he was all sweaty and messy you couldn’t help but find him hot “I love this field” You say out of nowhere. He turned to face you, intrigued by your words.

“Most of our adventures occurred here” You laugh at your cheesy words cringing at yourself, however, to Minho your words got to him, his eyes fixated on your smile as you stare vaguely at the sunset.

His lips soft against yours, his hand on your waist while the other is in your hair “Min-” you said surprised as you broke the kiss “Is it too soon if I ask you if I can be your boyfriend” Butterflies rushed to your stomach at his words, your cheeks matching the pink tone on his.

You kissed him and smiled through the kiss, breaking the kiss once again to stare into his brown eyes “I hope that answers your question” You both smile and stay there in silence appreciating each others company while the sun slowly disappeared through the landscape of the field.

——————————————————————

Authors Note: Let me know if you guys find any typos, I didn’t spell check most of the fic and I wrote most of it at 2am, Also suggestions are appreciated 🙏

Hope you guys enjoyed~

[aziraphales-library]

Hi all! Thank you very much for all of your hard work. I've glad for this account since there is always something fun to read popping up. Can the Mods recommend any fics where either Aziraphale or Crowley use dating apps for any reason?

Hello. You'll find fics like this, including some of the fics listed here, on our #social media tag, but here are some dating app specific fics...

Bloggers, Baby! by Estrella3791 (T)

Crowley's a blogger, and he may or may not be developing a crush on his commenters. But he's not really - Oh, what's this? Angel1941 is on Tinder??

Oh, Lord, Heal This Love by WaitingToBeBroken (T)

"Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don't know each other," is what Crowley's dating profile says. Too bad Aziraphale was too busy staring at those graceful fingers in his picture to realise that, before he agreed to go on a date with him.

abide by me by cosmya (T)

The year is 2001. Crowley runs a fake marriage website, and Aziraphale has encountered a... problem that requires his services. Naturally, they have No Idea that it's each other at first, but when Aziraphale proves a difficult client, Crowley takes matters into his own hands.

Dim the Lights and Sing You Songs by Polaris (E)

A few months prior to leaving the Dowling household, Crowley had downloaded Grindr for the sole purpose of catfishing randy morons. He was not expecting a paragraph that began with: ‘hello. I hope you don’t think this is too forward, but I couldn’t help but notice you have the most lovely nipples.’ Crowley keeps trying to meet his Grindr fuckbuddy. Aziraphale keeps showing up at all his meeting spots. This is terrible.

MatchMade! by amaruuk (E)

Crowley tests a new dating app for an online publication. When his match dumps him for another man's match, he and his fellow dumpee take a chance on each other.

With Potential by Caedmon (E)

Aziraphale is an author of popular and successful romance novels. His books have done very well, so he's surprised when his publisher, Gabriel, comes in and tells him that they expect him to start including explicit sex scenes instead of just the fade-to-black he's been writing. Aziraphale argues a bit, but it's pointless. Gabriel isn't asking, he's telling. And now Aziraphale is in a pickle. He doesn't have a wide swath of sexual experience to pull inspiration from. So his assistant, Anathema, helpfully suggests that he download some dating apps and seek someone to hook up with for casual sex. Aziraphale is appalled by the idea of casual sex at first, and thinks that this plan is going to go absolutely nowhere, but agrees to give it a try. Three guesses what happens next.

The Grindr Logo Doesn't Even Have a 'G' In It by indieninja92 (E)

After the Apocalypse, Aziraphale ventures into a new space in the gay milieu - Grindr. There he starts talking to a charming young man who certainly doesn't bear any resemblance at all to a certain long streak of demon, not one bit, no thank you. Meanwhile, Aziraphale and Crowley navigate their friendship after the world failed to end. There is much drinking and silliness, but could it be that there are other feelings lurking underneath?? Of course there are, this is fanfic.

The Mathematical Improbability of Reaching the Stars by cassieoh, D20Owlbear (M)

Aziraphale, 3rd year doctoral candidate in Library Sciences and current failure at Astronomy 101, finds out about an app for meeting people from some undergraduates. He’s desperate for a tutor so he decides to try it out. Surely someone in the wilds of Tinder is willing to help him learn about the stars? Meanwhile, in said wilds of Tinder, Crowley (high school dropout, star enthusiast, and official garden center plant-harasser) is not really looking for anything past dinner and maybe ‘tea’ back at their place. Hijinks, and also a surprisingly intricate plot, ensue.

- Mod D

[ramiethewizard]

I have many critiques on Keeper of the Lost Cities. Don’t get me wrong, I love it as a series. But like any series, there are both obvious and unobvious flaws. Since I finally have a place online to talk about them I thought I’d share my thoughts! (Disclaimer: this is not bashing on Shannon Messenger or the series in any way!)

1. Too many protagonists

The series was fairly okay with the original gang in the earlier books. That group being Sophie, Keefe, Fitz, Biana, and Dex. There was a chance to connect with all of the characters and grow on each of them. I know I know, characters like Biana and Dex were still pushed aside a bit but they had a better chance at being involved again. But then only more and more protagonists joined. Adding Tam and Linh was iffy, but fine. Then you add Marella, Maruca, Wylie, Stina, all those people. We don’t have a chance to connect with the characters.

2. Obvious favoritism

A few people have pointed this out already, and I thought I’d do the same. Shannon has very clear favorites of the series - which is fine, don’t get me wrong. But sometimes it’s used a little too much. Keefe is a very obvious favorite. We constantly focus on him and his story. At this point, Sophie AND Keefe are the protagonists. I love Keefe, but I want to learn about the injustices and discrimination of Bad Matches from Dex. I want to learn about the expectations of being a Vacker from Fitz and Biana. See what I’m saying?

3. Little plots abandoned

I feel like there have been so many times where Shannon starts this little idea and then throws it away. If you reread the books, you seem to find so many instances where there’s something, and then it’s just abandoned. For example, Magnate Leto (Forkle) says in I think Exile how he doesn’t have a wife and he seems quite sad about it. Or the time in…Flashback I believe where we meet Tinker. Tinker is such an interesting character. She freaks out when Forkle talks about explosives and he said that he wouldn’t make her build them - ‘not again’. HUH? And we’ve gotten no more out of it.

4. Overly focused on romance

Probably my biggest pet peeve with the series is that it is so so focused on romance. Having romance in the series is fine but there’s so much. I feel like Sophie barely even has any character left. You can tell that Shannon was just really excited to write the romantic relationships because even in the first book (WHEN SHES TWELVE) there are already intense moments. And the biggest thing is that characters like Keefe and Fitz (the love interests) are so much more important than characters like Biana and Dex (the friends). It’s a weird thing because Sophie should be apart of both groups but there’s just a weird focus on the guys that she’s into.

5. Lack of diversity

This is something that I think should just be improved in general. Most of the protagonists are very stereotypical and don’t have any diversity. Most of the main characters are white - which is fine but when it gets to be that ALL of the protagonists are, it just gets a little…you know? I mean, Tam, Linh, and Wylie are not white but they’re also not focused on at all in the series. It’s one of the reasons why people headcanon the Vackers to be POC so much. There’s also no LGBTQ+ characters - which again, fine for the most part but also…people of the queer community are incredibly common and the KOTLC characters seem so…not straight. So the fact that it’s been like ten books and there hasn’t been anything is just a little eh. Same with mental health, or physical abilities. Just a lack of diversity.

I love this series a lot, but like anything, it can always improve. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[ntmx8783]

Nakata's Sri Lanka Diary

Title: Nakata's Sri Lanka Diary Author: Nanako Tsujimura Originally Posted: November 26th, 2019 -- First posted in the The Case Files of Jeweler Richard Fanbook

TL under the cut in full. I had a lot of fun translating this one! I hope to translate some other short stories from the fanbook soon too, but it may take a while.

I suddenly have free-time.

Hey, Iggy here.

Just like the title says, I suddenly have some free time in Sri Lanka. The client I was supposed to visit had to go on an urgent trip, so it turns out I have the whole day off.

Since I have the chance to do whatever I want, and my Boss said I couldn’t study, I’d like to ask for your opinions on what I should do. I’m pretty sure there aren’t many people living in Sri Lanka that read this blog so general suggestions are fine too. Whatever you like to do to relax and stuff.

By the way, I usually like to cook when my friend from work visits me here, but I recently realised I don’t really cook for myself. The curry from Sri Lankan restaurants is just too good.

Ely_03 Heya, Iggy! I always have fun reading your blog here in Greece. My daughter is studying abroad in Japan right now so I’m interested in Japanese culture. I’m really happy I’ve found this blog.

1975Hallelujah Are there any nightclubs? Have you tried finding one? Greetings from Egypt!

BB_Typhoon How about cleaning your room? It’s probably surprisingly messy.

Archangel Hello, it’s nice to meet you, Mr. Iggy. If you’re in Sri Lanka, I've heard there’s a type of spa called an ‘ayurveda’. Because it’s a cultural aspect you haven’t experienced before, and because you happen to have the day off, wouldn’t you agree it’d be nice to go see what it has to offer?

I found this place online. I think it looks rather pleasant.

[This link can only be seen by site administrators.]

Please take care on your day off.

I went to an ayurveda spa!

Hey, Iggy here!

Thank you for the comments on my last post.

I was super excited to try something new again, so I ended up going to the spa Archangel recommended. Those sorts of places have a bit of a reputation as being somewhere only women go to in my country, but it ended up being so relaxing that I wish I had visited one sooner…

Also, the masseuse there spoke Tamil! I wish I had been able to talk to her a bit more.

I feel really refreshed thanks to you guys.

Well then, until next time!

Archangel Mr. Iggy, there’s truly nothing better than having pleasant days. I consider the most effective method for your studies to be thinking of language and gemstones as two wheels on a bike. By learning about them in tandem, I hope that the study of both will become more enjoyable henceforth.

Punk_Of_England I always have a blast reading about whatever fun thing you’re doing! If there had been a ‘Like!’ button, I’d probably have spammed it by now. Take care of yourself, yeah?

Man, anonymity sure is convenient.

Three-Wheeler

Hey, Iggy here. Sorry for the lack of updates recently.

Does anybody remember the last time I posted, when I mentioned buying a small type of car called a three-wheeler? Well, I’ve become a bit addicted to driving it around lately.

I had a license back in my home country, but I was the type of person that didn’t own a car or bike or anything, so it wasn’t until I rode one of these here that I realised how fun it could be.

The one I have is the version that only has a canopy overhead instead of a roof. Feeling the wind on my face is great!

I drove past the water reservoir and spotted waterfowl on the lake there. Seeing that made me feel really content.

Well, I’m going to go study now. I might even go for a drive in the three-wheeler when I finish. It seems like it’ll be fun!

Archangel Hello, Mr. Iggy. I’m very pleased to hear that you’re enjoying your new vehicle. This may be a bit excessive, but if you’d allow me to express my concerns, I’d like to ask you to be careful while riding. Though it is a great casual vehicle, it is not suitable in preventing crime. What I mean by that is that there are no walls to protect you if an assailant were to come at you from the side while you were stopped. I suspect your senior and your boss have already told you that it’s better not to use a three-wheeler when carrying around valuable items, but please be careful regardless.

Iggy > Reply to: Archangel

Thanks for all your comments. I do recall my boss telling that to someone too…

I don’t carry any valuables when I drive so there’s no need to worry, but I’ll keep that in mind anyway. Thanks again!

Ilovestones I just read the post about buying the three-wheeler. How cute!! I never see those sort of cars in my country, but it looks fun to drive. I bet that’d be super convenient for when you want to check out all the strata near your house or something. I’m so jealous!!

Punk_of_England Man, I feel like peoples’ quirks really come through in their comments even though it’s ‘anonymous’. But I really can’t tell if he doesn’t actually know it’s them, or if he’s just ignoring the fact…

Men in Skirts

Iggy here. Just like the title says, I passed by a ton of men wearing skirts today. I guess it was some sort of traditional clothing? Anyway, it was so colourful and had such a casual look that it really surprised me! I can’t tell if I was staring rudely or not, so if I did, I’m really sorry! It was unintentional!

Archangel > Reply to: Iggy

Mr. Iggy, you are correct, that is a traditional Sri Lankan textile called a ‘sarong’. Please refer to the URL below for more information.

[This link can only be seen by site administrators.]

It is my understanding that they’re used for formal occasions, so I would assume that the group of men you saw were part of a wedding ceremony. Please do not be discouraged if you were staring.

I received a sarong!

Iggy here! First of all, check out this image.

[This image can only be seen by accounts authorised by site administrators.]

It has a red and blue gingham pattern! It’s really nice!

I assumed it would be since the locals wear it, but it’s really breathable and prevents sunburns… and that’s not to mention how easy it is to walk in!

As you can see in the photo, it only reaches to my ankles. But it helps a lot that it’s longer than a Scottish kilt. I was told that these are often worn to weddings, which is awesome, but the best thing about it though is how suited it is to Sri Lanka’s climate. A sarong is definitely better than the bermuda shorts I’ve been wearing.

I received this one from my neighbour, but I like them so much that I plan on buying a couple more.

I probably can’t wear them daily though…

Singhalion Sri Lankan native here. The fact that you’re interested in my country’s traditional wear pleases me greatly. Sarongs have recently become very fashionable to the elite college students, so if you happen to live in a neighbourhood near one, the boutiques nearby will be your best bet in finding another. I hope you continue living a comfortable life.

By the way, I’ve noticed one user leaving a large number of comments. Are you alright? If they become a nuisance, there is a block button you can utilise. Well then, I’ll leave my concerns at that.

Archangel > Reply to: Singhalion

Singhalion, it is nice to meet you (I presume). Please cease saying unjust things about people you haven’t met.

Too Many Sweets

[This image can only be seen by accounts authorised by site administrators.]

I made way too much…

That’s a photo of coconut rolls, pudding, and date caramel.

I obviously can’t eat it all by myself, but my neighbour also refused to take any and got a bit mad, saying it’d be bad for their kid’s teeth… What on earth should I do now…

My Coworker Visited!

The excess sweets didn’t go to waste! Man, that’s lucky. What a crazy coincidence too! I’m really glad though. I wonder what I should make for him the next time he comes to visit.

Please leave a comment if you have any suggestions! Right now I only know about Sri Lankan ‘watalappan’ and the sweets sold at the Otoha Station kiosk. Rolls, cream bread, coconut dango… stuff like that. But even that’s delicious too.

Anyway, please let me know your suggestions!

Archangel Mr. Iggy, I’ve read your posts with great interest. However, I think it’s important not to forget the purpose of your internship. Please use your days in order to improve your skills, mind, body, and soul. For that reason, I believe the type of sweets you should make are the ones you already have skill in making. What do you think?

Singhalion > Reply to: Archangel

Overprotectiveness becomes a vice when taken too far. Haven’t you learned that already?

Archangel > Reply to: Singhalion

Singhalion, please stop speculating on things you know nothing about. You and I know nothing about each other.

Punk_of_England Whew! Things are getting interesting here! I’ll keep watching the events unfold!

Ilovestones Um, can you guys leave it at that? You’re probably bothering Iggy. This is his blog, after all.

Archangel I’ll be more careful in the future.

Singhalion My apologies.

Punk_of_England Sorry!

Mura_Shimo Yo, Iggy! It’s your good friend H.S. here! I came to check out your blog! Man, there’s a lot of comments here, fun! It’s pretty impressive considering you said you didn’t advertise it at all. Is this just part of your natural charm?? We gotta meet up and chat again sometime soon! Let’s catch up!!!

I’ll do my best with guitar practice ‘till then!

Punk_of_England The chance that he was overlooking it just plummeted to zero, didn’t it? Mr. A, are you okay? Or are you seriously gonna stay silent forever?

Archangel I have no idea what I should say, so I am hesitant to comment. Silence may be the safest option.

Archangel_of_Archangel Hello, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Iggy.

I read your entire blog. It looks like you’ve been having a lot of fun, huh? That’s a big relief. Though it wasn’t Sri Lanka, I have experience working in a Southeast Asian country myself, so reading all the fun adventures you’ve had made me remember that time when I was younger, which in turn caused me to laugh and cry. What a wonderfully vivid blog to bring your colourful days to life.

Seeing all the people in the comment section watching over you brings tears to my eyes as well. Speaking of which, is it really true that the commenters have no actual connection to you, and are just watching over you from this blog alone?

> Reply to: Archangel Mr. Archangel, can I speak with you again?

Mail Account:

Sent From: Richard@xxx.uk Sent To: N_Yasuhiro@xxx.jp Message: I will contact you using the regular number.

Sent From: N_Yasuhiro@xxx.jp Sent To: Richard@xxx.uk Message: Understood. Thank you for always looking after my son.

The number of comments decreased?

Hey, Iggy here. Ever since my last post, the people who usually comment seem to have gone quiet… Did I write something weird? I guess this request will also be weird, but if it’s not too much trouble, please go back to being lively. Since I have a lot of times when I’m on my own, reading the comments gives me the energy to keep going.

The city is bustling with preparations for the Perahera Festival. It looks like there’ll be a lot of events happening in the summer! I wonder if I can experience them here too.

Until next time!

Archangel Greetings, Mr. Iggy. I will leave a long comment for you soon.

[lovelykhaleesiii]

RANT because I have to get this off my chest…

I doubt anyone will see this, because I don’t think my posts show on people’s pages but whatever.

and whether you agree with me or not, I don’t really give a fuck but this needs to be said, because this is my personal experience.

as someone that’s been on Tumblr for a few years now & in quite a lot of fandoms, I’ve never really experienced what I have since joining the HOTD fandom. and no it shouldn’t be reasoned with because I joined later AFTER the show aired, nor should it be because I’m a “small” blog. these bullshit excuses should not be the reason for being so fucking uninviting, period. why must I reiterate this…

most of the reason why I get turned off easily within the HOTD fandom is because of how often I see pages forming little cliques and being selective in their inclusivity. “oh but they’re my mutuals” okay great!!!

there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, in fact I have met my own amazing people through this fandom that I would die for, and I encourage you to meet friends (side note - be careful online) but that doesn’t mean you have to strike out or ignore anyone that tries to initiate a conversation or shows support for your blog/work and for it to be not be reciprocated. you guys are so quick to talk about how difficult it is to be a fic writer and to appease people, and yet how exactly are you helping? like cmon I thought I left this shit in high school man, it’s just embarrassing now…

the mutuals I first met in this fandom, as lovely as they were I don’t talk to anymore. why? because I showed my genuine support, put the effort in although it wasn’t being reciprocated, it felt very one sided. and that’s okay, life happens I completely understand that and don’t hold that against you for being inactive. but seeing them later constantly interact with other “big” blogs, all very back and forth between the pages, and be pushed to the side is a very shitty feeling. don’t be an asshole, it’s really not that fucking hard…

and I still support works that aren’t necessarily my cup of tea, and no I’m not bragging but it’s what I fucking do. and the fact I wasn’t receiving the same fucking hurts.

and yes it’s easy to shrug and say “write for yourself, you should be writing for yourself.” which yes I have been, and the whole reason why I began writing in the first place was for myself, cause these ideas that I write and indulge in are mostly for my own “personal” entertainment LOL. but don’t sit there and tell me you don’t get a rush of excitement when someone reblogs/comments on your work, that genuine, incredible feeling when you can bond with other people over your work or when people commemorate your efforts. it’s easier to say “write for yourself” when you haven’t experienced poor or no engagement, and see others receiving constant appraisal and instinctively compare. it’s a natural, normal human response, people will and can’t help themselves to compare.

so stop with this whole clique shit, I’m so fucking over it.

and to the newcomers I’ve met so far, you’ve all been so incredible and your work sensational, continue doing you. it’s THEIR losses, not yours. for the people that can relate to me, I’m sorry you have to go through this but just know you’ll have my full support always.

and I mean… if you want I can be a bitch too, but you’re not going to like it. that’s for fucking sure…

[smallestapplin]

[request]

Let’s goooooooooo

How about some theme based gym leader S/O headcanons, Authors choice on characters, go wild, feel free to make them yandere if you’d like just have fun with this one!

- Pierced Anon

Anything for you broski! I used this opportunity to write about less loved characters. ^^

-

-

💙Blue💙

- Power couple? Power couple! With Blue’s history with being a champion and a gym leader, aside from being a legend, you two are THE power couple.

- The finale gym leader to beat, strong with your typing, and strong in your theme, with your very loving boyfriend who stops by to cheer you on.

- I’m so sorry if you are a dark or ghost type gym leader, with your dark and spooky aesthetics. Blue is going to be in your gym, bright clothes, looking so out of place, as he acts as your personal cheerleader.

- “That’s right! That’s my partner! Heh, aren’t they just amazing?”

- He posts a fair bit online, and respects if you don’t want to have pictures of you posted. But he does have an entire slumber dedicated to you, and of you and your Pokémon training.

- He will make memes of the trainers you defeat, cause he’s recording the whole match, and some expressions or moments are just too funny not to!

- Buys or produces all sorts of merch themed around you, to show his love and support of his honey!

- Plus, Blue makes the perfect sparring partner. He changes up his teams, has good strategies, strong well trained Pokémon, battling against him easily prepares you for others.

- He accidentally ruins you for normal challengers, cause not many pose as much of a challenge as your boyfriend does.

- Be careful and watch which pokeballs you pick up! There have been several times you grabbed the wrong one, and brought one of his Pokémon to work instead.

- Though his Pokémon like you, so they were at least chill. You, however, we’re not chill-

-

👻Morty👻

- another match up! You two are quick to become a hot topic, and what most want in a relationship.

- Morty is so relaxed, so calm, but so attentive and caring, loving to hear you talk about work.

- Meanwhile you’re just opposite enough to complete him, being everything he needs and wants in a lover. Especially with the job!

- You being a gym leader is relieving, as you’ll understand his complaints, or comments on how he can improve his gym, or train.

- And since he’s a gym leader too, he can help you out a lot more than most could!

- Half the time he only had to say one word, and you’ll completely understand what he’s talking about. He loves it!

- He likes surprising you at work, when he’s in his lunch break, or day off. He’s stealthy without even realizing it, and sneaks up on everyone, scaring the daylights out of challengers and employees alike.

- But, while a subtle change, you’ll notice how his smile softens, and eyes brighten at the sight of you, as he walks over with a lunch box in hand for you.

- You both have hectic schedules, with managing your respective gyms, meetings, and taking care of the gyms upkeep. But Morty makes all the time he care for you. He’s always stopping by.

- He’s scared trainers, cause sometimes he’s the first person they will see, and think they are at the wrong gym. Only for you to pop up and greet them, making the trainer sigh in relief.

- It’s pretty common knowledge around Johto that you’re with Morty, even new people are quick to find out. Especially since you steal his scarf every chance you get.

- But Morty likes it when you steal his clothes, he thinks it’s so cute.

- He’s a decent person to train against too! He’s the fourth gym leader, and his ghosts come with a good amount of power.

- But he’s never upset when he loses, in fact he’s happy to cause that means he gets to give you kisses, for winning of course.

-

♠️Grimsley♦️

- this man is constantly texting you to come down to the league, just so he can get his affection, but shhh he’ll never admit it and call you the needy one.

- Both of you live pretty busy lives, but mostly you, as Grimsley mainly just sits and waits for a challenger. So you get many calls and texts from him, as you work.

- He likes face timing you and watching you battle, he likes seeing the show you put in at work. He’s your number one fan from the shadows.

- Though everyone knows.

- He’s more salty about the other league members and champion adoring you, cause they have told him if you two ever break up, they are taking your side.

- He was more offended they even thought of you two breaking up! How rude!

- His Pokémon are babies for you, and you’ve taken his Krookodile to work, cause she wouldn’t stop following you, and would sulk when you’d tell her to go back. So you were stuck with an oversized lizardy lillipup for most of the day, your challengers found it hilarious.

- Until Grimsley called you, asking for his Pokémon back.

- “Babe, I’d love to give her back to you, but you’re gonna have come down here and get her yourself. She’s cuddling me right now.”

- “Oh of course, when my Pokémon want to cuddle is ‘oh of course sweet baby’ but when I want to cuddle it’s ‘no Grimsley, you bite too much.’ How cruel.”

- “Grimmy, sweetie, I know you bite to show affection, but your teeth are sharp and biting my forearm isn’t very sexy of you.”

- Yes, these types of conversations happen regularly.

- He’s fun to train with, however he will be making it a bet, mainly cause if kisses are on the table he is not going easy, he wants his kisses damn it.

[obsoleteozymandias]

hello!! i'd like to request a twisted wonderland matchup if ur still doing them! if not that's totally cool :) feel free to ignore this!!

here's my info!!

i use any pronouns and i'm aroace irl, but i still like fictional characters LOL. my mbti is intp, and my "big three" zodiacs are pisces sun, aries moon, and sagittarius rising.

personality: for how i'd describe myself, i'd definitely say i try my best to be optimistic about things. whenever i ask people if my personality is the sun or the moon, they usually say i'm the sun LOL. i've been told that i have a relaxing voice and that i have a comforting presence. from my perspective, i'm decently quiet and shy and i get pretty nervous talking to new people irl, but once the conversation gets going, i can talk to anyone just fine. i tend to be agreeable, and i think i'm pretty easy to talk to. my friends say i'm a sweet person , but that i also seem to get lost in my thoughts a lot or daydream often. i've also been told by many people that i'm pretty funny, and my humor tends to rely on a mix of my vocabulary and the latest trends. i'm playful and silly by nature, often teasing my friends and goofing around, but i'm also capable of providing genuine advice and comfort to people if they need me to. i like a lot of playful banter in my life. i've also been told that i'm trustworthy and reliable whenever i work with other people. additionally, i'm more detail-oriented, mainly because i like to go in-depth and consider things with logic if i can. but, at the same time, i can be a bit impatient and impulsive if i really want something, but not so much that i do anything too reckless, if that makes sense LOL.

likes: psychology (so much so that i want to pursue a career in it), astrology, history, playing video games (mainly roblox, cookie run kingdom, the persona series, and twst), sweet stuff and candy, watching the sunrise, sleeping / taking naps, cats, listening to music

dislikes: bugs (i'm terrified of them ☹️ just the thought of touching them makes me shudder with fear), dirty rooms, injustice, canned green beans (i gagged last time i ate them 😭), singing in front of other people, dancing (only bcuz i'm really bad at it and it's embarrassing, LOL), overly arrogant people or people who think they're "above" me

hobbies: i spend a lot of my free time on my phone and in my room. i don't go to new places often, but i love to play games with my friends and chat on the phone. occasionally, i'll try out a new makeup look that i find online since i'm somewhat into beauty stuff. i usually spend a couple hours a day on tiktok (my attention span is cooked 🙁), but lately i've been trying to get back into drawing or painting!! i want to utilize a bit more of my creativity instead of just sitting around all day LOL. additionally, i'm a bit of a clean freak, so if a room in my house is getting a bit dusty, i'll dedicate a few hours to cleaning it up and reorganizing.

extra: im super sorry if this ended up being rlly long 😭 tysm for ur time!!

Extra info means extra points to write about no need to apologize!

== Twisted Wonderland ==>

I match you up with…

Rook Hunt

Pre-relationship:

Rook sees your inner beauty, as he does with most people, right away. The instant he meets you he���s going on about how lovely you look, and how your shyness hides away a vivid personality. 

How does he know these things? Pure instinct. But it’s a refined and usually correct instinct, so make of that what you will. 

He flutters around you day in and day out, asking you questions and testing you reactions to anything and everything. He’s a bit overwhelming at first, but once you really get to know him, he’s a reliable friend and always there to pick you up when you’re feeling down. 

He’s also taken by your interest in psychology. He himself is very observant and notices quite a lot about others that they don’t even know, and so the study of how the mind works fasniates him. If you tell him a factoid or two about psychology, and how you think it applies to one of your classmates or peers, he’ll be thrilled and praise you for your intelligence. 

Once you get close, he’ll often bring out the playful and silly side of you, absolutely taken with your smile and the sound of your laughter. Perhaps it’s then when he realizes that he’s fallen for you.

Confession: 

Rook is a romantic, sure, but he’s also knowledgable about your tastes and preferences. If you’d want a beautiful confession by moonlight, him singing a ballad beneath your window, then you’d get that. If you’d want a small and intimate confession, him gazing into your eyes lovingly, you’d get that. Whatever it was, two things would be certain: it would be terribly romantic, and it would be perfect. 

Relationship:

Whatever hobbies you have, Rook will absolutely be a part of them now. You want to draw? He’ll be your model, or watch you as you create! Playing video games? He’ll be your player 2! Whatever it is, he enjoys it, so long as he gets to be by your side. 

He hides his emotions fairly well from others around him, but when he’s around you, he tends to let you in on some of the smaller or more negative things he feels. It’s here that he appreciates the part of you that gives good advice. 

In turn, he’s always a willing confidant, and absolutely will tell you if you need to take a break from being the school’s therapist. 

He won’t just tell you: he’ll scoop you up and run away with you if needed, laughing like a madman and cuddling you so you wouldn’t be able to escape.

One thing is certain: whatever challenges or trials you face in life, Rook will be there to help you through them. 

[ambsash]

I’ve been wrangling pretty hard with the idea that I might be neurodivergent, either ADHD or ASD or both. I look at these stories people tell, I talk to my neurodivergent friends, and I see so much of myself in them and their stories that it genuinely scares me. I feel like I should be happy to potentially be discovering something so significant about myself—but I’m afraid. I’m afraid of being alone forever, I’m afraid of never being understood, and I’m afraid of being judged before being given a chance to prove myself. All my life there has been this pattern of people meeting me and thinking I’m a weird person because I just don’t know how to present myself. I mask so much of who I am and I didn’t even realize it for most of my life. I’ve gone through life with such difficulty fitting in no matter how hard I try. It feels like the harder I try the weirder people think I am. I feel like an alien. My best friend is autistic (bless her heart for putting up with me). We’re so much alike and I see so much of myself in who she is and it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced with neurotypical people. Idk if that’s any kind of sign of what I am but it’s supplementary evidence that I think about a lot.

That isn’t even to mention the actual genuine health issues I’m having that make me lean towards either ADHD or that AND ASD. I struggle so fucking hard to do things, things I know I really enjoy doing. I am writing a novel, a story that has been in my head and developing for at least 2 years. I can fantasize about how great it’s gonna be in my head, and I’m almost always thinking about it and planning constantly. I’m like actually genuinely obsessed with it...and then when it comes time to put words on paper I can’t fucking do it. No matter how hard I try, how badly I wanna do it, I cannot fucking bother even opening google docs most of the time. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time that I can’t get back or make up for and it makes me so upset sometimes. I can typically manage stuff like washing the dishes or helping out around the house but only because I feel completely awful not pitching in at all since I’m almost 26 and still living at home. I’m afraid of many things but there are few things I fear more than giving up and making people think I’m a deadbeat. God, and the fucking memory issues.

I wish undiagnosed neurodivergency was a more inviting topic of discussion. It’s so hard to bring this shit up to people without them implying I’m faking it to be “quirky” or am already going as far as self-diagnosing myself. It makes understanding myself a lot harder when I’m afraid of seeking second opinions before deciding to persue a diagnosis. It isn’t my fault that neurodivergency has become so romanticized online. I just want to improve my quality of life. I don’t want to be this way but I very well might be anyway. Idk. I’ll seek out a professional.

Edit: Lmao side-tangent I’m editing in later because I just remembered this and thought it was funny. I had a job interview walk-through thing a week or so ago and one of the guys I met made a joke that he was the CEO of the entire company and I didn’t realize he was joking even a little bit until someone else told me. I truly believed this random person joking about being the CEO of Goodwill was the CEO of Goodwill. What that says about me and my place on the spectrum, I will leave up to interpretation /j

[good-beans]

Milgram murder swap aus! I tried to keep the personalities the same and just swap the murder itself – not everyone paired perfectly but some worked really well

Edit: I've made some updates/additions here!

Fuuta/Mu: Muu has an extensive social media presence because of her wealthy lifestyle. She runs several blogs and channels (instead of fantasy rpg she has a fairy tale-esque theme to all her profiles). She gains a dedicated following who hang on her every post. When she calls out someone online, it doesn’t take long for her followers to join in and fatal consequences to follow. Fuuta’s reputation as the tough and cool gamer places him between being a menace on his university campus to being the subject of bullying himself. When his gaming buddies all turn on him, and he quickly falls from the center of attention. He’s a violent victim, but a victim nonetheless. One betrayal hurts more than the others. Armed with something sharp from one of the campus labs, he takes matters into his own hands.

Shidou/Mahiru: Mahiru is a bubbly doctor who all patients and families trust wholeheartedly because of her cheery attitude. When her partner falls ill, though, she’s impatient. It takes less than two weeks for her to realize she needs to grab hold of her lover before she loses them, and she uses her reputation to avoid suspicion of her increasing body count. (I know we don’t know a ton about Mahiru’s crime yet, but) Shidou moves to the city taking up a new job at the florist’s. When he meets someone he really falls for, he’s calm and calculated about approaching them and planning meetings. He’s good at keeping a poker face through lies, and he easily convinces them that every meeting is “such a strange coincidence” and “must be fate.” 

Amane/Haruka: Amane’s parents were abusive, and she looked to religion to find solace. She only had access to minimal forms of religious information, though, so her view of the whole thing is heavily distorted. She wanted nothing more than her parents’ attention, and sought out the attention of a higher power to satisfy that. She killed animals as sacrifices, and thought she was being guided by righteousness when she killed her sibling/family member.. Haruka was raised in a cult who focused more on teachings and punishments than on his needs. He was so hungry for their approval, he began following their every word and genuinely accepting their teachings to get a feeling of belonging. Even when pushed to murder/allow for someone’s death, he did it happily thinking they’d be proud of him for doing the right thing. 

Yuno/Kotoko: Yuno knows how to manipulate the social situation – she’s bubbly and fun, she knows how to please people, but at her core she’s calculating and disinterested in drama. She uses these abilities to talk to others and track down the criminal she’s looking for who hurt young girls that she knew/related to. Kotoko goes out and does whatever she pleases. She’s not looking to find true love or please a man, she’s just doing what’s good for her while maintaining her bold and self-assured attitude. She sees nothing wrong with her actions and has a “screw you if you do” outlook. 

Mikoto was tough to swap with someone else, but I gave him Aname’s crime because I think it’d have the most interesting tension: Mikoto was raised in a strict religious cult, but only one of his alters took to the teachings. One is very devout, and is willing to commit murder the way the other members would have encouraged. The other desperately wants to escape the cult, and fights back against it whenever he can. They both think their actions are protecting the other. Fun angel/demon aesthetics (where the “angelic” religious one is the murderer and the “demonic” antireligious one is innocent).

And so that Kazui isn’t left alone, a modified Kazui/Haruka swap: Kazui was very emotionally repressed since childhood. Even into adulthood his family makes it clear they’re disappointed in him. He carries his abuse with him far later in life, letting it simmer and grow under the surface. Maybe his wife started talking about having kids, reminding Kazui of his own childhood, or maybe something unrelated caused all the memories to flood back. When all that pent up pain finally breaks through, it floods and his wife suffers. Haruka grew up in a stable family, but still envied others. He was so busy with other friends/siblings that he preferred to be with, he ignored his younger sister’s needs. Disliking her and wishing to escape his responsibility to her, his lies/avoidance of her put her in fatal danger.

Uuuhhhh Es is the mysterious prison leader and Jackalope is running batshit interrogations and making all the decisions 😂

[therianhelp]

help how do i talk to people online. (context, i found a therian buddy in my area on tiktok and im trying to strike up a friendship. I know there a minor and close to my age, so no worries for groomers/pedos and such, only about three years apart.Ive had friends in this range so its not much a worry for me. We've started chatting through discord and im trying to keep up conversation but ive always had diffulculty keeping conversation in private dms.)

thanks for the Ask! it sounds like you struggle to keep in contact even when you want to - by no means do I have it all figured out, but as an Autistic person I can relate, so maybe I can offer some advice:

1. It might help maintain the relationship through periods of low or no contact if you explain to them ahead of time that you tend to do that due to [whatever reason it may be - Autism, depression, life circumstances, etc] but that you do in fact wanna stay friends even if you can’t talk for a while

2. assuming you’ve established some level of friendship, and especially if you’ve explained the above, it’s okay to message them out of the blue after a few days, a week, or even multiple weeks of silence. for me, it feels less and less possible to restart communication the more time goes on, but if you both wanna be friends they’ll just be glad to hear from you

3. you don’t have to have a good reason to message them - while a life update like “I aced my test last friday” is perfectly valid, you don’t need to wait for something like that to happen to text about. just send them memes/tiktoks/etc, even out of context, or with a “thought you’d like this” or something. you can also ask them how they’re doing, especially if you can remember something specific to ask about (like “how was your trip to the zoo?”), or even just say “hey I’d like to talk but I’ve been having a really hard time getting myself to send this, is there anything you wanna talk about?”

4. you also don’t have to apologise every time you message for not having messaged sooner. I know it feels bad to not be able to keep up frequent communication, but ime it’s less harmful to the relationship if you kinda just pick up where you left off like no time has passed

I do feel obligated to be the boring nagging adult for a second though: please do be careful with trusting people based on assumptions, eg. “they’re my age, so they can’t be a pedo.” of course it’s perfectly possible (arguably even most likely) that they are just a normal therian kid tryna make friends, but especially if you haven’t seen them in live video, they could also be a grown perv just telling you they’re your age to lower your defences. plus, kids your age can be dangerous too, especially if you meet up in person (since you said they’re in your area); they could turn out to be a not-great person or come with an adult who has bad intentions. I’m just saying, keep an eye out for red flags regardless of categories (like, just because someone’s female, for example, doesn’t mean they’re safe to meet alone). practice standard safety things like telling trusted people in your life about this person, and especially if you do meet up irl, tell people where you’re going and when you’ll be back, only meet in very public places, etc

but hopefully (and odds are that) they’re just another kid you can share cool quadrobics videos with. wishing you the best of luck in making and keeping good friends!

[xxmisty]

First intro post for a verrrry long time!

Hello! 🌈

Bit out of practice for this but since I’ve started to get a few new followers again I thought I should make a quick post to say thanks for following and to kind of re-introduce myself since I’ve been away a little while. Tumblr’s been my online home since 2011 though so even when I’ve been away a while I’ll always come back sooner or later - I met my lovely partner here and this hellsite saved my life in a very literal way back in the day so it means the world to me 💙

I can’t help worrying that if you’ve just followed for the art you’ll get fed up with the absolute yard-sard of fandoms, nonsense and tumblr nostalgia I’ve been reblogging lately and I don’t want to put unwanted nonsense on your dash so I’ve set up a side blog which I’ll reblog just my art to. Feel free to follow that one instead! 💜 Art side blog: @johnmist 💜

But if we share fandoms (especially Torchwood - oh my god I am over three years into the biggest hyperfixation of my life and it’s showing no signs of fading!) or other interests it’d be nice to meet you - feel free to say hi!

My name’s John, some people might still know me as Mist, but all the best people call me Stringer (= my wife 🥰) I’m a 40-something trans, bi, disabled artist who’s tired of all the hate, horror and misery out there. I can’t change the world but I can try to brighten it just a tiny bit with some fan art of characters and fandoms that I love.

At the moment I’m struggling big-time with my health. I live with fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, severe crohn’s and UC, endometriosis, narcolepsy, migraines and recurrent meningitis so honestly, sometimes I have to disappear without warning. From one day to the next I never know what I can manage so I try to make the most of every good day, every good hour, every good minute and draw as much as I can when I’m able. Art is one of the things that keeps me going, makes life worthwhile.

Full disclosure, I’m currently going through the worst health of my life and finding it hard to cope this time. Somehow this is the one place I don’t actually feel guilty sharing so I may talk about it sometimes. I’m also autistic and like just about everyone on this site I also suffer from anxiety. I also am very much an adult and may post/reblog adult subjects so please don’t follow if you are a minor or know you’ll find topics such as sex, sexuality, my fetish and other mature content upsetting - be safe in your own space, and feel free to follow my art blog instead 💙

💜 Again.... Art side blog: @johnmist 😁 💜

A non-complete list of my other fandoms:

Doctor Who (classic and new), What We Do In The Shadows, Marvel (mostly MCU, particularly Runaways, Jessica Jones, Wandavision, Doctor Strange, Guardians of the Galaxy, She-Hulk and Cloak & Dagger), Red Dwarf, Homestuck, Ashes to Ashes/Life on Mars, YuGiOh, Splatoon, Animal Crossing, Xenoblade, My Hero Academia, Yakuza, 80s and 90s nostalgia and various other franchises that we dip in and out of from time to time 💙

My icon is my favourite OC, Kim, and I may post about my OCs now and again.

I’m horrible at self-promotion but I do have a Patreon and a ko-fi and am very grateful for any support; money is a constant struggle and every little helps 💙 If you’d like a hi-res version of any of my sketches in exchange for a ko-fi donation please drop me a message 🥰

patreon: https://www.patreon.com/xxmisty

Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/xxmisty

Thank you for following - I hope you enjoy my art!

[sp00kysk3lly]

First therapy session today with the psychiatrist today…

Feelings: Anxious. Scared. Worried. Wanting to make myself ill so I don’t have to go….

I don’t know what to think about it. I’m scared they’ll be like all the others that I had at that place, (I’ll call it CC).

At CC I’ve had a psychiatrist tell me to go online and see which mental health problem fits me best…. (It’s not a fucking clothes shop mate!)

I’ve also had a CBT therapist spend 50 minutes EACH session, sit and talk about diabetes and testing me on my diabetes knowledge. Every. Single. Session. The only thing I did for CBT was a story of how I’d kill my friends. That’s it. Nothing else.

Then I’ve had 2 people don’t really know what they were to be honest (I doubt they had any medical degree, they didn’t seem to know a lot). They fobbed me off on some “support worker” who turned out to be weird. Kept wanting to come to my house even after I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it and I’d gladly meet him somewhere else. I don’t know if it’s because he was a man or if I just had red flags thrown into my face, but I was certainly 100 percent uncomfortable.

They always tell my doctors or whoever referred me that I was “reluctant” when I simply just left because I wasn’t getting the right help or support. Why should I stay somewhere when I’m not being helped?

I don’t think talking about my diabetes for 50 minutes each week was helping me with my thoughts, was it?

Hopefully these people are better. I’ve looked up the psychiatrist I’ll be seeing, and she seems qualified enough. But I still don’t understand why they’d have a occupational therapist in the appointment??? It doesn’t make sense as I’m there for PTSD and Pure O OCD??

And I’m also not very good with new people so I hope they can understand that. Sometimes these mental health professionals, they think people are going to go in there and be all talkative.

Considering that I’m also angry at my current therapist for ending my sessions early. I was suppose to have 8 sessions, not 4!!! Making me comfortable and then make me leave and go somewhere new with new people that I don’t know?? How am I suppose to feel? Happy?

What annoys me most is the fact that on the 28th, in my session with the current therapist, I slightly made eye contact, something that I don’t really do much and haven’t done since HJ was in my life.

Wish me luck I guess!

[waitimcomingtoo]

Hey I feel like I need some perspective from an outsider to this so I’m asking you, but if you don’t feel like replying, feel free not to :)

Me and my best friend of 5 years get along really well, but since the start of this year she’s started ghosting me randomly. The first two times she said she didn’t have the energy to reply and I said that was completely fine but from next time just text me you won’t be available👍 she then proceeded to respond in the most uninterested way possible, (AND I WROTE PARAGRAPHS)as if she didn’t even try to maybe understand it.

But a few times recently, she’s just started ghosting me for days when we have minor arguments and it’s so frustrating cause I tell her we can talk this out but she just never wants to communicate. We don’t meet up often, but when we do, I really don’t want to bring it up in case I ruin things.

This time, we had a minor disagreement over something completely irrelevant and she just ghosted me. For a week and a half now. I finally got sick of this shit and told her that she had talk to me until she wanted to acknowledge the problem. I’d dropped enough of my self respect begging her to come online and apologising for things that weren’t even my fault, looking at it now.

What’s even more annoying is she’s not even trying to hide that she’s ignoring me. Replying to messages in the gc, posting on social media, but not replying to me.

But I can’t help but feel that maybe I’m the one in the wrong cause she’s not been in a very good place mentally, and maybe I’m just being harsh?

Extra note: we don’t argue at all, but it’s been happening now, so that’s why this hadn’t happened earlier.

I’m sorry for this super long message, thank you for listening to me and I hope you have a nice day :)♥️

To be honest, it sounds like you are both doing some things you shouldn’t be. First, when you said you sent her paragraphs about wanting to be told when she wasn’t available. It’s totally okay to ask for that level of communication and to want to be told when she is busy and won’t be able to reply. But to send paragraphs as you said probably overwhelmed her and made her feel like she was being attacked? That’s just my thought bc that’s how I would feel. It would give me a lot of anxiety to get paragraphs after doing something as simple as not texting back. Sometimes people forget or simply do not have the energy. Second, I don’t know your dynamic, but it’s not strange to me that she takes space from you after you guys have a disagreement. It makes sense that she would want to cool off and not talk for a little bit. I’m the same way. I can’t just go right back to the way things were. I need a minute to decompress. I agree that not replying for a week and a half isn’t cool especially given how long you’ve been friends. But I personally don’t think you have the right to tell her that she “has to talk to you” as you put it. I’m not sure how you phrased it when you said it to her but hearing that would definitely make me pull away. As for ghosting you while texting in the gc, that’s not cool. That definitely sucks. But if she is in a bad place mentally, it seems like she does not have the energy to respond to you knowing you want to talk things out. She might have enough going on in her head and can’t even think about that right now. It’s a rough situation and there’s no winners. I would just let her know you’re there for her when she’s ready to talk 🩶

[yanderelovlies]

✨Galaxy Anon ✨ here!

*sees requests are open and slams hand down* Vivi! I want a order of that one prompt that I made that time of reader in love with Joseph and Joseph dates them only for reader to find out Joseph only done it for peer pressure, reader saves him and dies, reader recarnted and Jack appears through tape and tries to win reader love but reader knows it’s Joseph and refuses. Optional if Jack finds out later or when they meet reader again immediately if he finds out reader old identity years from years ago when he was Joseph. Angst and Fluff endings included. * fixes table* sorry for the rash action it’s just a rare opportunity for me. But take your time on this one I know it’s a long one. That’s also why you don’t have ten requests from me right now lol.

Vivi don’t make me cry! You’re gonna make me cry waterfalls!

Yeah I felt the same, I felt there was something maybe it lacked but nothing to that degree that it had a fucking hashtag. I hope so too and we gotta respect sauce decision not to go after those people since they don’t want that and wants to leave it behind.

Pfft that would’ve scared me since unless they looked and acted so good and sweet I wouldn’t ask since I be petrified to seem stupid.

Makes sense, old habits die hard and I’m living proof of that. Happy to make your goal achieved!

I felt more it was like I couldn’t talk to my mom about it and I was very naive so I wondered what happens on social media and I got into my first serious phase fandom that time and wanted to talk to people about it. Yeah I made some mistakes and glad they never truly bit me in the butt to this day though it could’ve have easily been otherwise. Same we both swimming in our tanks, with horrible memory that fails us.

Oh yeah, I heard of those friendships. They sound bad and unfortunately knowing how long you been friends for until breaking it off yeah I can see why it take a toll on you. Yeah I’m glad you rejected it though you need to stay away if they’re affecting you that badly. I can feel you on friend trouble just I was the expendable one. It felt more like I was an outsider looking into a group of friends rather than my own. It really affected me later in life and why I was so scared and even clingy to people I made friends with online since I was scared to be forgotten. Vivi you’re making me blush awww!

Galaxy my love you can send as many as you would like I don't mind 💕 I'm having a bit of writer's block, and seeing everyone's prompts really help me 💕

Would you like some hugs?? I love giving hugs 💜.

IT HAD A HASHTAG?! THE FUCK?? I don't like that at all. Aaahhh poor Sauce! Criticism is one thing, but to make a hashing??

She was one of that cool teachers who was strict when she needed to be, but most times she didn't care as long as your work was done.

Oh trust me too. 💕💕

Young me took advantage of the that I didn't have parents around. Along with my older siblings being bad influences. I saw things a child shouldn't have, and other unfun things. It never bit me too hard, but it did leave an impact. Also it's a good thing we have a spacious bowl! .....I think.

I know that feeling too well. When we got out of high school we had plans to move in together, but thanks to bad decisions I had difficulties getting a job to help pay for it. So without talking to me they got the apartment,and moved one of their brothers into my place. After that it never felt like I was their friend anymore. I was just watching them have fun. I have to remind myself that people don't wanna talk to me 24/7. I haven't balanced it out yet but I'm getting there. Being forgotten is my second biggest fear. It gives me panic attacks.

I'm only telling the truth 💕

[jodilin65]

SUNDAY, AUGUST 31, 2008 Tom showed me this really cool thing on Google Maps. It tells you the distance between one point to another, as well as the height. Jesse’s 80’ higher than us while the renters in back are 60’ lower. If you drew a line straight from our place to Jesse’s, he’s 271’ away. The renters are over 300’ away, and the people up the hill in back with the goats are over 400’ away. I was surprised to learn that they’re a little lower than Jesse. I thought they were at the highest point from which we can see from our place.

Speaking of Jesse, Tom ran into him on his way out yesterday. I’m surprised it took this long to run into each other. Jesse was in his truck. They just said hello and that was it.

I’ve been thinking of Randy a lot lately. What was it about him that charmed me so? I really miss him at times. I didn’t know much about him, but there was just something about him. For someone who’s more than predominantly been attracted to women, there have only been about half a dozen guys I ever thought were halfway decent looking, including Tom, of course. Randy was tall and wiry. At least 6’ tall or taller. He had thick wavy gray hair, a mustache and light eyes. I never could decide if he was in his late 40s or early 50s. I don’t know if we’d have gotten along as well had we been friends or anything more. Despite his friendliness and easygoing manner, I sensed not so much an underlying hardness about him, but I got the feeling that he wasn’t a very sensitive guy for the most part. I don’t think most of them are, though, anyway.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 30, 2008 I won a $575 Shaw laminate flooring GC in an instant sweep a few hours ago! The question is, does it have to be used for that only? I sent them an email, so we’ll see. They’re going to send an affy of course, which hopefully won’t require notarization or include a tax form. If it has to be flooring only, we could either redo the floors here, give it to Jesse for a rent deduction, or see if Jessie wants to buy it, or sell it online. We’ll see what Tom thinks when he gets up in a few more hours.

The renters didn’t get trigger-happy last week. I don’t know if it was my prayers or someone talking to them that helped, but I’m glad they skipped a week of target practice!

FRIDAY, AUGUST 29, 2008 Jessie said she’d be in Las Vegas in January (a good time to go there since that’s when her weather will be at its shittiest) and asked how far we were from there. Well, we’re 371 miles away, but as I reminded her, the western states are huge. I still hope she can either get here or we can meet her there. That’d be totally awesome!

How do you explain this? I woke up at 144.0 yesterday and said screw it! I took a day off of dieting and ate whenever I was hungry and then some. Yet today I woke up at 142.8!

I had horrible dreams of losing the place, only “the place” was a huge two-story house and so was Jesse’s, and it was on a circular drive. In the dream, I asked Tom if he thought Jesse would accept $825 worth of stuff as payment, was wondering if we should just kill ourselves, and ugh! Just the usual nightmare I have at times. I just hope it’s just that – a nightmare – and not some ominous warning of trouble ahead.

So I’m a bit stressed, though certainly not like in the motel. I hope to hell it doesn’t come to that point either! Tom says we’ll be fine. I’ve been praying every day as well.

I woke up several times during my sleep, afraid I’d get “shot awake.” I noticed that they do their shooting at the end of the week. Twice on Thursday, once on Friday. So far all I’ve heard, though, is this obnoxious dog in the middle of the night that’s almost as loud as Jesse’s.

Tom worked a full shift and will be working tomorrow too, in case he has to take days off next week. I just hope he gets a new job like yesterday!

Jesse may be a bit of a pest and a bit on the dumb side, but when you think about it, he’s just what we wanted. A seemingly easy-going guy who’d probably work with us if we had a problem. This sure beats a management company that treats everyone the same and could care less if all your loved ones dropped dead and you ended up paralyzed or blind or whatever.

The queen is 85 today. Just another year or two and you’re going belly-up, bitch! What mixed emotions Mary and Dave must have about that idea. At last, their “child” will be gone and they can have the whole house to themselves.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 28, 2008 Tom was able to work another full day, though he says he wouldn’t mind having Friday off so he could have a 4-day weekend.

Next week is when he really expects to if not start a new job, then at least get interviews, explaining that after Labor Day is a good time to get jobs since the high school and college kids that have summer jobs return to school.

Wish I had more to write about, but I don’t. Hey, no news is good news! Usually. Guess I’ll go work on my story a little and watch a couple of movies.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 27, 2008 Although they sent some people home early today, Tom wasn’t one of them, thank God. This still doesn’t ease my worries. Not until and if we can make it long enough to see him in a new job. I woke up just 4 hours into my sleep stressed out at the thought of him being sent home early.

We were going to list a Barbie lot tonight on eBay, then one tomorrow, but Tom had to stop and play Fix-it instead. He got a hole in one of his tires which he thinks was caused by a nail, and now there’s a corrupt spot on the hard drive of the computer that operates the cooler. Naturally, this has me worried that if something up there wants us back on the path to financial ruin, that part of guiding us onto this path means it’s going to have things break that cost money. So far nothing’s cost us, but it could be a matter of time.

I asked Tom what he thought about Mary’s case and if he thought she’d go home at sentencing or if the state would get its way with the 15 years. He said he thinks she’ll end up with something between the two, saying that the state usually asks for more than they expect to get while the defense lawyers ask for less. So what made the DA in my case so lucky that she got what she asked for? Gee, maybe the defendant was a white Jew! So I guess that she’d be out sometime next year if she got the in-between, but no later than 2010. I’d hate to see her transferred to prison, even though prison can be better than jail in many ways. But it can also be more dangerous, too.

I finally heard from Jessie. She said she’s been busy and dizzy and that her doctors won’t give her a blood test. They’re insisting it’s stress. Yeah, I’m sure the quacks would insist on that. If it is stress, then I guess that means the job isn’t going well. She didn’t say. I’ve asked several times, but it’s like she likes to keep me wondering and guessing or something.

At least I know she’s still alive, but I’m still completely in the dark where Paula’s concerned. As for my folks, they’ve never wanted much to do with their “crazy” daughter, so there’s no mystery there.

Although I just won a $10 Red Robin restaurant GC, I’m thinking of seriously cutting back on the sweeps. There’s just no point in working so hard for so little. Same with the diet. Why be so hungry just to lose a pound that keeps coming back? I awoke at 142.0. How do you gain nearly 2 pounds from a tuna sandwich and an 80-calorie muffin? I was 142.8 after I ate them. I’m simply too old to lose weight without starving and it’s just not worth it. I’m big, this is me, and so be it.

Brownie had finally smartened up and learned that if he doesn’t go home when I tell him to, he doesn’t get let out for a few days. Yet earlier when I was cleaning their cage, they both gave me a hard time, so they’re not going anywhere for a while.

Speaking of things not working, that damn Freecorder quits working every time I reboot the laptop on which I play my radio, so I guess I just won’t record songs for a while. Nothing works with Vista and when it does it doesn’t work for long!

I don’t know how long this will work in XP on the Mac, but we downloaded a counter and installed it on my Kiwi profile page to tell me how many people view that page. So far there’s been 4 in the last few hours.

MONDAY, AUGUST 25, 2008 I can’t write much right now because I’m pretty stressed out. Mr. Everything’s Going to be Okay was sent home two hours early due to lack of work, and being naïvely optimistic as he is, he’s telling me everything is going to be ok and that after Labor Day, which he forgot about, he’ll get a new job closer to home and I can get to a dentist for these fucking teeth that are hurting like hell, etc. But after the nightmares we’ve been through it’s hard for me not to be worried and paranoid, afraid the past is once again reaching out to haunt us. I’ve been praying every day for God to protect us from yet another financial crisis, but I know that if He can fail to care about us in the past, he can choose not to care now, too. I’d like to think He feels we’ve had enough already of being beaten over the head financially, but I can’t count on that. He’s been my enemy as much as He’s been my friend. Nothing up there curses someone with both a sleep disorder and a driving phobia if they want them to be financially comfortable. Instead, we’re two people trying to survive on one income. Tom says we’ve gotten by in the past and we’ll get by again, but the point is that I don’t want to spend half our lives barely making it! I know we’ve got the money for September’s rent, but what about October? He says it won’t be a problem, but what if he’s wrong? And why can’t I just live in the moment? We’re not faced with homelessness right now, so why can’t I just relax and enjoy life until and if there ever really is another crisis? Arrrggghhh!

All I know is this – I’m not going on the streets! I may be forced to play poor-assed bum, but I’ll totally kill myself before I hit the streets. This is as cheap as it gets, so if we lost this place there’d be no place to go! I also know that something up there has been obsessed with me being in places I don’t want to be throughout most of my life, and despite the few flaws here, this is the best place I’ve ever lived, and oh my God! I’ve got a damn good idea! Back in a sec.

Tom and I talked about this before, back in the motel, and have decided to actually do it instead of just talk about it. We’re going to save up $1500 or so and get an RV as a backup. That way if the absolute worst-case scenario occurred and we couldn’t live here, we could load that up, throw our stuff in storage, then live in that for a while. The question is, can we survive long enough to get it? If only my teeth didn’t need so much work!

There is some good news and that’s that I’m down to 141.4. I thought this 1000-calorie diet had stopped working, but I guess it hasn’t. I have no idea how much more I’ll lose. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see how hard it is. Some days are certainly better than others. I’ve been taking multivitamins to help keep from feeling rundown, being stuck, and all those other things that go with dieting.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 24, 2008 And now I’m up almost a whole pound. I did splurge a little yesterday, but only a little. Fortunately, I’m not that hungry today.

Thanks to Tom’s accumulation of Coke reward points, I’m getting a new $40 Oakley messenger bag! At least I think it’s a messenger bag. It’s a bright red Oakley Girl Bag. It also says “swivel mid,” whatever that means. The “mid” must mean it’s a mid-size bag, but it’s awfully big for a mid-size. The pocketbook Nervous got me a million years ago is 9” long and 6” tall, but this one’s 15” long and 10” tall. My current black pocketbook only has two compartments, plus an inner and outer pocket. This one has 3 outer pockets and an inner one. It’s definitely roomy and capable of holding larger items like books.

Their pink metallic Hobo bag was actually the prettiest, but it’s way too small. Smaller than the one I’ve got now.

Later…

Scratch that red messenger bag. In the end, I decided on the Petite Pouchette Medium Hobo bag in pale metallic bronze by Nine West Handbags. It’s a $32 bag and will be here by September 4th. It has an inner pocket and two outer pockets and is almost 14” long and just over 9” tall. It’s ¼” wider than that big messenger bag would’ve been at 4.25”.

At 1:30 yesterday morning, then again at 5:00 a few hours later, I heard this obnoxious barking from down the hill. Heard it before midnight, too. It totally fucking figures, huh? I mean, it just so totally fucking figures! As soon as we get here, in comes this shit. I’m sure I’ll get shot awake at some point this week, too. If I didn’t know any better I’d hope they moved or got evicted, but I do know better. I know that even if they did leave, the same old shit would move right in to replace them. I’m just glad I can’t hear the barking during the daytime. The shooting is bad enough, and I doubt talking to them will help. People like that just don’t respond to words.

A couple of nights ago at around 11:00, I was going to pee when I heard shouts coming from down there. The good thing about it was that it was so faint. You had to literally stick your face in the open window by the toilet to hear anything. I couldn’t tell if they were fighting or just goofing around, but I could certainly tell that I wouldn’t want them living a driveway away, let alone a wall away! I even smiled at the fact that they’re as far away as they are.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 23, 2008 Got a letter from Mary, obviously sent before she could’ve gotten the trailer picture, or hopefully gotten it. She asked that I email her attorney a character reference letter, which I was more than happy to do, even though I don’t see how it’ll help. They didn’t help me, but this isn’t a case of blacks against whites in Arizona either, where blacks are favored by the law. I still don’t think character references help many defendants no matter what they’re charged with, who they are or where they are, and especially not in a case such as hers. If anything she stands less of a chance than I did. On the other hand, the only “character reference” I got was from Miss Perfect in my case. I would think Mary could get dozens of character references.

What I don’t get is how it can help even if the judge were to be impressed with what people have to say about her. She says the DA is trying to get her 15 years while her lawyer’s trying to get her home at sentencing after 10 years. But even if she gets 15 years, has already been there since 2000, and gets a year off for every 3 she’s done, then wouldn’t her sentence be up even if the DA gets his way?

I just hope she stays away from her mother and abusive men whenever the hell she does get out, and that she has no more children. She may love kids, but she’s lost enough of her life as it is. Not only could she do the world a favor by not contributing to the overpopulation problem that’s getting out of hand, but she deserves some freedom for once. But she hasn’t had sex since she was 23, she’s still fairly young at almost 31 years old and hasn’t any discriminations.

Meanwhile, everyone else is disappearing on me. This is the longest time I’ve gone without hearing from both Paula and Jessie. I hope nothing’s wrong with Jessie! As for Paula, she’s definitely got to be either in jail or worse. Worse as in sick, hurt or dead. But my news search has turned up nothing. If she really were dead, that doesn’t necessarily mean it would be mentioned online, though. People pay for obituaries, and I can’t imagine anyone paying for an obituary for her if she really is dead. All I know is that while she may hate to write, she wouldn’t go this long without calling unless something was wrong.

It’s been a month since Jessie’s emailed me and she usually doesn’t go longer than two weeks. My guess is that she’s got job and maybe even man problems. Maybe her hubby had a relapse. Hopefully, nothing’s wrong with her kids.

It’s kind of weird. First my parents disappear, then Paula, now Jessie. That’s a lot of people to have disappeared from your life. I hope Mary won’t be next!

I jumped up two-tenths of a pound to 142.0, and am kind of taking the day off. Everybody needs at least one day off a week from dieting so long as they don’t veer too far off track. I’ve been incredibly hungry! So hungry that there’s not much I can do about it, but wait it out. This is because I let myself get so damn hungry that nothing I eat satisfies me. But I’m also no longer used to shoveling in large quantities of food anymore, so I just try to find a reasonable balance somewhere in between.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 22, 2008 I’m still being woken up at times by that damn motorcycle if he revs it up when I’m lying on my good ear. The way the sound reverberates underneath the house is really fucking annoying. So instead of running the sound machine through the stereo, I created white noise on the stereo by having it on a radio station that isn’t on a radio station. Then, so I have both high and low pitches, I put the sound machine on the bed and will play that on the lowest sound it can make. I’m sure my sleep will still be as cursed as it has been since 1992, but I like to try new things anyway. The problem with the sound machine or the white noise alone is that it doesn’t have a wide range of pitches and so that’s why I need to run both. I need higher pitches to drown out movement Tom may make inside the house, and lower pitches to override the rumbling of that fucking motorcycle.

The good news is that I’m down to 141.8 pounds. I hadn’t bothered dieting for a while and so my usual monthly high was 147.something right before my period, and 142.something right after it. Then I went back on my homemade “Timer Diet,” where I eat 5 times a day with 3-hour intervals in between. All but one of the things I eat has to be 125 calories or less, then I can have whatever I want for a main meal and beverages. I’ve been having 2 fruit cups, 2 low-cal muffins, and a generous TV dinner. I was 147.something 4 days ago, then for 3 days in a row, I was 142.6. Each month, if I can get my monthly high to be my old monthly low, then I’ve got it made. So that means that right before my next period which is due September 11th, I don’t want to be over 142.6 pounds.

I’ve also been jogging through the place in combination with bouncing on my exercise ball for about 20 minutes a day. The good thing about it is knowing that I dropped my weight. Not a poverty spell, not some evil foster mother, nor any nasty jail food, but me! I did this myself.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 21, 2008 My day wasn’t off to a great start. After 6 failed attempts to boot into Windows, I jumped over to OSX for a while. Then I couldn’t figure out how to get back into Windows. Once I finally remembered, it took me two tries before I made it in. There are so many things I hate and love about Windows and OSX. I wish I could have it all in one reliable place! I hate computers as much as I love them and haven’t been able to imagine life without them since ’93.

Our weekly shoot-out began at 6:00 this evening and lasted about 15 minutes. This time I spoke with Jesse, and as it turns out, he’s not such a bad guy, just dumb at times. Unfortunately, though, he didn’t hear the shots because he’d just walked in the door when I called which was several minutes after the last round of shots.

No, there isn’t a hunting season around here, so no, they shouldn’t be shooting, he says. He said we may hear shots on July 4th or New Year’s Eve, but there hasn’t been a problem since a long time ago when some renter in back was shooting and the neighbors, also renters, called the cops on them. Well, as I told him, I don’t scare easily, but this makes me nervous because I worry that they’re going to hit the house. We don’t know if they know what they’re doing or if they’re just a bunch of drunks without a care in the world for those around them. They must not care that much since they’re shooting in the first place, experienced and sober or not. This is the kind of racket you make in the city, so what they’re doing out here is a mystery to me.

Jesse said he’d go and talk to the renters, which he did before coming to talk to me. The renters behind the bedroom side of our place said that new renters next to them, which would be behind the kitchen end of the place, recently moved in and they were the ones doing the shooting (funny how they move in right after we do). So anyway, Jesse’s going to have a talk with them. He said something about finding his dog down there one time where his property line ends. He said he’s the only one in this area with 9 acres (we jumped up an acre) and that the other parcels are smaller. So there are a lot of rentals in back. Another curse we still can’t escape; having to live with evil renters. I’m just glad these aren’t just a few feet away, and I hope the shooting stops soon! He also said the shooters have 3 or 4 dogs, which explains the increase in nighttime and early morning barking Tom insists has been coming from in back. Again, ain’t it funny how trouble moves in if we don’t move in with it first? Jesse says he tries to keep his dogs quiet but hasn’t much luck with that when there’s a full moon because that’s when more things come out.

He said to call the cops if it ever got bad, not that I’d ever want to call those corrupt things. Speaking of those little corruptos, one came knocking on Jesse’s door at 2am the other night, looking for someone. He asked if the cops were here. Fortunately not. What was weird was that the pig walked up rather than drove up. At that hour it sounds like someone must’ve escaped from jail or something. Or a drunk driver booked and ran.

Anyway, I appreciate his taking care of this situation, or at least trying to. As pesty as he can be, and despite the shooting, I’d still rather be here than in the city. I feel like we’re less alone with him just up the hill. So even though I’d still rather have a house of our own, I can’t believe he wouldn’t work with us if there ever was a financial crisis again, though I sure as hell hope there isn’t! Also, it’s hard to believe he wouldn’t put us up in a motel or in a room in his house if something ever went wrong with this place. I even told Jesse I wouldn’t mind being here forever if I never won enough money to buy a house of our own. That got me thinking, too. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could one day buy this section of land from him if we really couldn’t ever buy our own place? I wonder if he’d be willing to work out some kind of payment plan with us. Then once the land was paid for, maybe we could build or buy something newer and nicer and have this old trailer hauled out.

What I don’t get is why I can never see any lights glowing in back at night. Especially when there’s no moon. It’s cool that I can’t, though, as I like it pitch black at night.

I’m also wondering about some of the night sounds we’ve been hearing. We always write them off as animals, but what if the time Tom said it sounded like something was walking across the boards in back was really them spying? What if they drove or walked up the little road that leads to the drive, then walked down here when there was just enough moonlight to see their way around, but not enough to be spotted?

He said the water’s now drinkable, which is good cuz I like to have the option of both bottled and tap water. He said he went down and checked and that the well was doing better. But pests will be pests, so that means he’ll still be coming around. He’s going to install a water filter (yeah I knew there’d be something else once the well was working better), plus he’ll be down in a couple of weeks to finish the roof. Says he’s got to cut the metal sheets first.

I gave him our cell number and explained why that would be the best number to call for non-emergencies, though I’m not sure he gets it. We’ll just have to wait and see.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 20, 2008 In the 3 years and 3 months I’ve been sweeping, I’ve had 6 big wins. A Caribbean cruise, $2500, a trip to Italy, a large high-def TV, $9000, and a 3K Apple shopping spree. That’s an average of one big win every 6 months. So I hope this means I’ll win big again before the year is out, seeing that I won the Apple shopping spree in May. I wasn’t notified till June, though.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 19, 2008 Got a surprisingly generous coffee sample from Starbucks. This sample will easily make about 10 cups! I’ve joined a sample site and so every day I sign up to receive free samples in the mail.

I learned how to do headers in my tell-all journal in my word processor so I could set it up to display entry titles (it centers and bolds the text). It doesn’t open that day when you click on it, though, since it’s all on the same page. I just like the idea of entry titles like on Kiwi. I put them under the dates. I’m going back and doing my entire California journal, but not the others. It’d take forever to go through 20 years’ worth of journals!

Tom doesn’t expect to hear from anyone about jobs until next week. I’m just glad paying September’s rent appears to be no problem! It’s always tough when changing jobs, so unless we’re surprised with him landing a better-paying job than we expect, I’m sure I’ll just move on to worry about October’s rent after that.

So far my top 3 favorite Kiwiers are Jasmine, Alison and RainbowLesbian, whose real name is Jessica. They’re all gay. Well, Alison’s bi. Jasmine and I comment on each other’s journals daily, but Alison and Jessica aren’t online every day. Jessica and I have been reading and commenting more on each other’s journals lately, and she just told me she loves my story journal. I was like, wow, really?! So Alison’s not the only one reading them after all.

It’s hard to believe we’ve been here almost as long as we were in motels! The time really does pass by faster when you’re in a better place.

MONDAY, AUGUST 18, 2008 Once again, I was hungry and homeless in my dreams last night, but at least my allergy problems have stopped. I haven’t taken the snot spray in quite a while now. But are they better because the spells worked, or because whatever was out there causing them has ceased to exist? Hmmm…guess I’ll never know for sure. I’m just glad I’m not sneezing like crazy anymore!

Due to the temperature being down a bit I had to hear a few barking spells. And Tom thought it was a time-of-day thing. I’m still pretty sure it’s a temperature thing, though.

I hate these rats. Not enough to dump them, but I sure miss having sociable rats that like to be handled. These things are just way too timid, and trying to get them to return home after running around loose is next to impossible. I’m not even letting them out today. They’ve really gone and abused that privilege. Maybe if they suffer from being cooped up for a while, they’ll realize that abusing their freedom means they lose it, but these rats are just incredibly dumb for rats. We’ve never had rats this dumb before. They may miss coming out, but they’re hardly suffering in reality. They manage to play and keep themselves entertained at home.

I hope that when Tom gets home in a couple of hours he’ll have emails and even phone calls to tell me about pertaining to new job possibilities. Better yet, I’d love for him to get an actual interview!

SUNDAY, AUGUST 17, 2008 Got a missed call this morning from a blocked number, but Tom says he gets those all the time. I still don’t expect to hear from Andy, but whatever’s meant to be will be. Unless Marla didn’t get the letter, though, perhaps she just has yet to get a hold of him to tell him about it, or maybe he’s taking his time to think about it.

Now that I’ve found this really cool online journal, I don’t have much to say lately. I guess that’s a good thing, though, cuz usually, when I have a lot to say, it’s not very good.

I just hope Tom gets a job real soon and that we get our savings back up. I’d like to always have at least a couple of grand after the rent’s been paid. That way, if the transmission went out on the car or something like that, we’d be covered. If it went out right now, though, we’d be pretty damn screwed.

I just wish I could stop worrying that the past is going to return to haunt us! Nearly losing your life really leaves your emotions pretty tangled up. I’m more appreciative of the good things, but I’m always paranoid and worrying, too. I’m still having “motel nightmares,” and I know it’ll probably be a while before they back off. The same thing happened after jail. I had all kinds of dreams about being stuck back there, and now I’m stuck back in that damn motel room all over again, writing my “death note,” giving details of what happened and family contact info for whoever was to find our bodies.

sighs I think I’ll go try to work on my book for a while.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 16, 2008 Finally, a good win! Not a biggie, but a goodie. I got Flirtatious perfume worth $35. What’s interesting is that the contest ran for a long time, 6 months, and I was the only winner! Guess that’s the difference between a 1½-star non-premium sweep and a 5-star premium sweep. It’s got a nice sweet, sugary smell, and reminds me of cotton candy. I wonder if these are the same people who were supposed to send the Glamourazzi perfume. Maybe they sent this instead by accident, but it doesn’t matter either way, cuz this one smells great.

Tom tried to install and run parallels on my computer so I could use both OSX and Windows, but it corrupted my word processor and we had to reload it. That’s when I said fuck OSX! I’m not going to bother with it at all. I’ll just stick with what’s been working for me, and Tom seems to have solved the boot-up crashing problem I was having. He just needed to update a certain program.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 15, 2008 Another scorching hot day. I wish it was this way year-round. Keeps things quieter, too. Of course, I can’t say what’s been going on at 3am, since I haven’t been up that late in a while. It wouldn’t surprise me, though, if the dogs were going at least a little crazy. I still think it’ll be just the opposite in the winter with the dogs barking during the daytime and quiet at night.

I haven’t been winning much lately which is a real bummer. Is it compensation for winning big a couple of months ago? Or is it compensation for another big win to come?

THURSDAY, AUGUST 14, 2008 Alison gave me positive feedback when reviewing Angel Eyes. I’m surprised she liked it so much! If I had to judge my stories, I’d vote it as one of my worst. Even Tom couldn’t get into it. I’m glad she pointed out the few mistakes I made, too.

I hope the dork up the hill will tell us when he’s switched us back over to the well. Judging by how clear the water in the toilet bowl looks, I’d say there’s a good chance he did. I just wish he’d call to say so if I’m right so I can drink the tap water again, but no, he has to come down in person and bug us that way for everything.

Tom says they’re now short one person on the third shift and that they hope they switch him to it so he’d have more time during the daytime to look for a new job. I can’t believe they even have a third shift still with all the business they’ve lost!

I just hope whatever’s up there won’t let us suffer financially until he does have a new job. I’m tired of money being an issue so often in our lives. Enough is enough!

It was really hot today, around 100º.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 13, 2008 Tom passed the DMV test, which is good, but he has to wait till his license is mailed to him. I just hope it doesn’t take long, even though he’s already got proof enough that he’s an Auburn resident and can therefore start hauling shit to the dump. More importantly, I hope he finds a job closer to home with benefits! He can start putting in applications early next week, which he says is the best time to submit them.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 12, 2008 I still do what I’ve been doing best since we came here – worrying about money. That’s the sucky side of having a tragic experience nearly kill you. While you appreciate things all the more if you survive, you always fear the past is going to return to haunt you. Unless we struck it rich, I think I’ll always worry that we’ll one day be faced with either the streets or death, but at least we’d be a lot more comfortable dying here than on a motel room floor, if God forbid, we were ever cursed enough to have our only other choice be to live on the streets. We could go right here in bed without having to worry about interference as long as we did it at night when Jesse was less likely to show up. I just hope God wouldn’t allow us to ever again be put in such a terrifying predicament! He’s allowed enough shit to happen to us as it is! And I hate to think of what He may be putting Paula through right now. Jessie, on the other hand, is no doubt just busy as hell.

Tom decided to go to the DMV here in Auburn tomorrow, rather than by the Carmichael box today because from what he could see online, he should only have a 10-minute wait. Then on the 15th, he’ll return one last time to Carmichael and close that box out for good. Then he shouldn’t ever again have to go to that area.

I hope I’ll feel better once he’s settled in a new job somewhere and that we don’t struggle too badly until he is! Right now I feel like we’re never going to have any real security in life. If only I could win a few grand right now. Our savings is just about gone so a cash win would help. A fellow Kiwier recommended a couple of paid email/survey sites that really do pay you for your time without telling you that you don’t qualify after you waste time on their surveys, but it doesn’t pay much. Them making Tom lose nearly a week of work really hurt us probably more than he’ll ever admit for fear of me worrying even more. I still fear that money will be a problem for us for the rest of our lives. At least for the most part. If God hadn’t gone and cursed me with such a freak sleep disorder and driving phobia, then we’d probably hardly ever have any problems. None that serious anyway. I still have to wonder, what kind of God does this to a person? Why does He hate me so much to inflict that upon me along with all the other problems I’ve had? I keep thinking there’s got to be a reason, that I’ve got to have done something to deserve it, but I’m not sure what. There are people out there with faults far worse than mine that have much easier lives.

Alison said she’s in the middle of Angel Eyes and likes it very much, and I have another subby for my day-to-day journal.

Later…

I was laying around thinking that it was a bummer that my friends are so far away and that our families are the way they are, not just to help us out of any jams we may get into, but because it makes me feel we’re all the more alone in this world. Tom doesn’t feel as I do, but sometimes I just feel so alone.

Then I burst into tears, not so much because of that, but because feelings of guilt over dumping Andy nearly a decade ago hit me like never before. I’ve had my guilty moments over the years and have thought of contacting him at times, but always figured he wouldn’t want anything to do with me, not that I’d blame him. Walking away from my family was one thing as they were abusive to me, but walking away from Andy simply because he could be annoying at times and we’d grown so different was cruel and I’m sorry I ever did such a thing.

So I searched online, got nothing new in Massachusetts, and 3 addresses I’ve known him to live in Phoenix that I can’t imagine he’d still be at after all these years. That’s when I struggled to remember Marla’s last name. Fortunately, I did and found an address for her in Hayward where I remember her to live. I don’t know if she’s still there, but I decided to send a letter there, letting her know how bad I feel over what I did, and asking that she pass along my contact info. I enclosed my email address and cell number, and of course the address is on the envelope. Not knowing if she’d get the letter, I didn’t go into much of what’s gone on with us but simply said we left Arizona, lived in Oregon, and are now in California. As I told her, if all I could do was say “I’m sorry,” that would be better than nothing even if he chose not to contact me. I asked her to tell him that I love him, think of him a lot, and hope he’s happy and healthy in every way possible.

So what do I think will happen at this point? Well, if Marla gets the letter, I’m pretty sure she’ll pass it on to Andy, but I’m not sure Andy will respond. Guess all I can do is leave that to fate and hope for the best. Maybe add a few prayers, too.

MONDAY, AUGUST 11, 2008 Once again I tried OSX, Mac’s operating system, and once again it sucks. I should’ve known better than to bother paying for its pitiful version of Robo I thought I might be able to fine-tune. We’re going to get the $35 we wasted on it back. It’s only got a couple of cool features like the webcam and the reader. The reader not only reads text right in the document rather than copies it to a clipboard, but it also has some pretty funky voices. One sang a letter I typed to Mary to the tune of Pomp & Circumstance. I also liked how you can put it to sleep rather than shut it down, whereas the best I can do with Windows is hibernate it. Other than that, everything else sucked. I can’t think of one other good thing about it. The things that are normally such simple tasks to perform were either a bitch or totally impossible. You can’t even do color schemes or change cursors!

I’m swapping comments with Jasmine just about every day in regards to entries, and in the last two days, I’ve heard from Key too, regarding my bitching about OSX, which she herself uses.

I just get sick of those Kiwiers that always have to be on top. They constantly “edit” their journal just so it’s in the top 20, which is all they show.

One girl left an entry that included a couple of sites that pays people to read emails. She said she got $60 that she transferred to her PayPal account. They pay every month. I sent a note asking how long she’s been a member. If she had to read 10,000 emails to get the $60, then I’m not so sure it’s worth it. But it is free, so the worst I can get is spammed to hell and I already do, thanks to those running contests that feel obligated to pass people’s emails on to everyone in the world.

Haven’t heard from Jessie in ages. No calls, no emails, no nothing. I hope she’s just busy and that nothing’s wrong.

Tom and I went to Walmart and shopped to the usual tune of unruly kids.

Now that he got his birth certificate, the next step is getting a license. That means it’s off to wait forfuckingever at the MVD tomorrow. Then hopefully – hopefully – if God is with us Tom will get a new job closer to home that offers benefits that won’t cost half his income to receive!

I should add that I haven’t heard from Paula in ages. She’s always been a little out of it, but she never used to go this long without writing or calling. I hope she’s ok, too. I checked for any news online and came up empty. I hope she’s not sick or in jail! She no longer has her cell phone.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 10, 2008 I hate this Apple PC! Better yet I hate running Windows on it cuz it takes forever to boot up! It boots and crashes, boots and crashes, over and over again. I’ve got to have him switch me to the Mac’s own operating system. The only sucky thing is that the Robo that works with it is beyond shitty. I’m basically going to have to fill out forms myself because it’s so half-assed, and practically give up everything else I do. I’ll edit my sweeps down a bit, but it’ll still be a huge amount of work.

Two nights ago I dreamt I won $500. Hope that means I’m sitting on a good one!

FRIDAY, AUGUST 8, 2008 Tom has the next 4 days off, and this time he’ll be paid for it!

No one called back about the shooting, but I wonder, could it be Jesse? He’s got to own at least part of the ditch area to have a well there, he wasn’t home when I called (although I heard someone drive in not long afterward), so it makes me wonder. Tom doesn’t think so and he doesn’t think there’s a hunting season around here either. I hope he’s right and that someone puts a stop to whoever it is. If it’s a bunch of crazy drunks having a good time, then I not only have to worry about being woken up and annoyed by the noise when I am awake, but then I also have to worry about the house being hit as well.

I wonder why no one called if only to say they didn’t know anything about it. Maybe because it really was him or they were offended by my complaining about there being barking “all around here,” and knew that I was talking about his dogs. I was, but there’s one in back somewhere that can be just as annoying.

Anyway, it’s been dead quiet all day today.

In case I haven’t already said so, I’m done updating my autobiography for who knows how many years. I just hope that the next update won’t include anything nearly as bad as last fall!!! I still wonder how we survived it.

Alison hasn’t been turned against me by the immature assholes on KB. In fact, she’s had issues with Amber, too. She was not only busy but unable to access kiwinotes for a while. Yeah, some people were complaining about that, but fortunately that wasn’t one of the many problems I had. I still love Kiwi as much as I hate it. I mean, I hate the site’s layout, it’s very tricky to navigate and is set up by a bunch of dumb-ass amateurs, but it’s still lots of fun. I just wish they had a better prize selection and a more straightforward setup.

Alison subbied to my main journal and says she’ll catch up on my stories soon. She and Jasmine are definitely my favorites there.

The Olympics are to be held in Beijing this year and I’m looking forward to watching the gymnastics online. That’s my favorite of the summer games, as figure skating is of the winter games.

Won a $20 Kmart Gift Card from the Kmart Hulk Text2Win Promotion.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 7, 2008 Oh, that fucking rude asshole up the hill! The dog’s fucking whining its ass off. How utterly rude of him to let this happen every single fucking morning! He lets the big one bark at 3am, and the other one whines early in the morning. It is so damn obnoxious! How can he stand it himself? And how can he not give a damn about us? He knows damn well Tom sleeps in. Just because Tom’s a heavy sleeper doesn’t make this rudeness ok. It’s annoying as hell to hear even when we’re up. I was a little worried my music was too loud, but you know what? I don’t give a damn anymore if he hears me or not! I just don’t fucking give a damn! I hear his motors, his dogs, so fuck him. Just fuck him!

I knew this place seemed too good to be true. I’m already looking for other places. Not actively seeking to move, but just keeping my eyes open as to what’s out there. If we can get a place that doesn’t have a well or the owner living on the land, and that has direct mail and trash service without the nearest neighbor being an arm’s length away, it may be worth looking into if it’s comparable in rent. I hate to move again, but I can’t ask my own landlord to shut his dogs up and leave us the hell alone to live in peace. The best I can do is enclose a note with the next rent payment asking that he call when it comes to non-emergencies and hope he has the decency to do so. It’s just that 90% of the things he’s coming down for are emergencies and I’m getting sick of his little emergencies, real or not, and the fucking dogs! He’s coming down here more than Scot came to the Maricopa house! More than I ever had any invited company in Phoenix or back east. Part of the reason we wanted seclusion was to keep people away from our door like religious and salespeople. Instead, we’ve got this little shit bugging us every 1-2 weeks. Yet if I complain he’ll probably just be like, “Well, I own this place, you don’t. So if you don’t like it, leave, and I’ll find new renters.” I personally would try to please my renters just as I would my customers if I had a store, but that’s just me and I know most people aren’t like that. They’d rather simply not deal with those who aren’t happy. Period. I may not be unhappy, but I’m not happy lately either, and you know how Tom is. He’d rather me be annoyed than open my mouth. He’s paranoid that complaining, no matter how kindly we went about it, would get us tossed out. Yeah, but WE’RE the ones paying HIM!

I know one thing for sure and that’s that he’s full of shit about going back to work. Yeah, when? When has he been working? Unless he’s working an hour or two each day or smashed another finger, we see vehicles up there all the time when we come and go.

And the motorcycle story Maryann told us when we first came to see the place just doesn’t jive. I don’t know why it took 4 months for it to hit me, but if someone was going to steal his motorcycle, why would they leave it at the end of the road? Wouldn’t they take it somewhere else if they were going to keep it, or sell it if they wanted to sell it? That sounds like a revenge thing. Like Jesse did something to piss the last people off. They may’ve been jerks, but it sounds like Jesse did some shit himself.

Later…

The trigger-happy psycho’s back in the ditch. Yeah, I figured it would be. There were only 3 shots fired this time, but what if I was asleep? I’d not only be woken up for damn sure, but it’s so damn annoying to listen to when I’m awake! It puts the Maricopa shots to shame, right along with Jesse’s ATV and beasts.

I really wanted to know if Jesse knew what was up with this, so I called up there but got no answer. So I left Maryann a message and added that lately there’s been “barking all-around” late at night and early morning. I figured that was a good time to subtly yet obviously let them know it bothers me. I added that I was “surprised” and wondered where it came from, hoping it’d stop soon. I told her there was no hurry getting back to us and that she could call either the landline or Tom’s cell. Anyway, I’d guess it is legal and that hunting season started after the 1st. Nice of them to tell us if that really is the case, huh? Now I’ll have to deal with that as often as I have to deal with dumb shit coming down here. Wish he could be a gorgeous woman to make his visits a little more worth it!

I told Tom why I thought the motorcycle story sounded like a crock, and he thinks they did try to steal it and that they wheeled it down the drive. But once they realized it was too heavy to lift up into a vehicle, they just left it there.

I’m sorry they failed to succeed, even though he’d have just gone and gotten a new one.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 6, 2008 Once again we’re back to playing water games. Starting late last night the pressure has been low. Right on time, too. No wonder he can’t keep renters for long. I can hear him on the ATV going to and from the well, but I still wonder how much of these near-weekly problems are of his own fabrication as an excuse to come down here. If he’s that paranoid of us, why doesn’t he just plop a hidden camera on the hillside and keep an eye on us that way?

And I’m getting sick of the late-night/early-morning barking, too! Arrrggghhh!

Well, I’ll be damned. I just up and peed and found the water pressure back to normal. Ah, but I’m sure he’ll just have to come down anyway.

Later…

Right on time. Yeah, dumb cock came ATVing down to tell us he filled the tank with ditch water (though we haven’t been hooked up to the ditch), so don’t drink the water. Tom then asked if he had the landline number so he could “save himself a trip” next time, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he were too stupid to get that what that really means is STOP COMING DOWN HERE! Yet I’m sure he’ll be back anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks to hook us up to the ditch as he continues to be too stupid to get his floats straight. That’s what Tom’s pretty sure is the problem. What I didn’t know myself was that when we were hooked up to the ditch, that was actually a shallow well. I had thought it was just a pump sitting down in the ditch itself. Anyway, living here is still way better than being in the city, but between his stupidity and the barking I’d really love to thread the dog’s tails down his throat and out his ass, then bury all 3 of them in the hillside and take over the land ourselves! Man, I wish we owned it. The only good thing about not owning it is not having to pay to fix things.

Meanwhile, if he continues to come down for non-emergencies (although it’s quite a coincidence the amazing amount of emergencies he has), I’ll call Maryann and explain to her that hey, I don’t think he understands that one of us is on nights half the time and a very light sleeper. And so I get woken up half the time he comes down. I’ll also see what she has to say about the barking too, though if they barked last night I wouldn’t know it. I slept until 5am. One of them whines for a few minutes every morning between 6:30 - 7:30, presumably because it hears him getting up. The barking’s not nearly as annoying as him coming down here (as long as it doesn’t go on for hours or many times a day) because my sound machine is loud enough to keep it from waking me up. The ATV, however, is not.

I just wonder how much longer this shit with the well is going to go on, and what will come next after that? Even more so, I wonder how much of it is intentional so he has an excuse to come down.

Tom’s allergies are bugging him today. Mine, amazingly, isn’t going off today even though I went out yesterday. Maybe this snot spray really does help!

We went to pick up the mail yesterday. The package was just a light bulb. Man, I ain’t winning shit lately, and when I do, it seems I don’t get the prize! The question is, is this compensation for the Apple win? Or am I sitting on another biggie?

TUESDAY, AUGUST 5, 2008 I got the lip gloss from Kiwi. It’s just so-so, right along with the temp tat and rings I got. I almost wish I could get back the points I used for these things, but I wanted to try them anyway. The lip gloss is flavorless and doesn’t provide much moisture at all, the tat wore off almost as fast as I applied it, and the purple ring is too dark.

Another night of scattered barking. I’m getting closer to calling up there and asking what’s up with that and seeing if he can put the damn dogs on the other side of the house if he’s not going to take them indoors. I just hope it isn’t a temperature thing! If it is it’ll be like being back in the city from December through February.

I received another OLS friend request after commenting on this lady’s personal quote that I liked. Something to the effect of being happier when she’s worrying about what’s going on in her own life versus the lives of strangers. As I told her, I not only totally agree, but I don’t understand why so many people think things should be one way or another. Take gay marriage and abortion, for example. Why not let those who want these things get them, and those who don’t not get them? We don’t only sell one flavor of ice cream simply because not everyone likes other flavors.

Anyway, I had to laugh (not directly to her, of course) when I read that she’s been sweeping since 1985 and her biggest prize was 5 grand. And here I’ve been sweeping since 2005 and my biggest prize was 9 grand! Once again, not everyone’s psychic. I just wish I could get good enough to win a house or at least enough money to buy one outright! The first of 3 home giveaways just expired. On the 15th will be another one, then a million-dollar house in Florida expires on 9/30. They’re all dailies.

Nothing exciting in the mail, though there is an oversized package awaiting us. It could be anything from a package to a large envelope containing these damn travel packages I get to his birth certificate. Unless it’s something way good, we hope it’s the certificate for which they finally took the money. Hopefully, soon enough he can get the hell out of the shithole he’s working in now and into something closer that’ll provide benefits. Again, we don’t care if it pays shitty. Sure we’d rather it didn’t, but getting him closer to home so we can save on gas and getting me to a dentist and ear doctor is more important right now. Wish I could win at least a grand just to cover all the co-payments when this finally happens, if it ever really does, before I’m 65 and automatically insured in 23 more years!

MONDAY, AUGUST 4, 2008 The rats got so huge that we decided to move them into one of the bigger cages, the first one we got. So Tom pulled it out of the shed and I cleaned it in the tub with the shower massager and set it up for them. They seem much happier now that they’ve got more room to play in. It’ll be a little more work for me cleaning-wise, but they’re worth it, even though these aren’t the greatest rats we’ve ever had. They don’t bite which is most important.

It was a bad dog night there for a while. Around 2:00 the dogs went off for about 10 minutes, plus there were scattered barks afterward. I don’t think it was just them either. I still think someone recently moved down in the ditch somewhere, so Jesse must not own that entire area. That’d explain the lunchtime food smells Tom’s smelled lately, the gunshots, and increased barking. I know most people think it’s A-OK to leave dogs outdoors 24/7 and to make as much racket as they want, but how do people sleep through such noise? And how can they have no courtesy to their neighbors whatsoever?

SUNDAY, AUGUST 3, 2008 I’m almost finished updating my autobiography. It’ll be a few more days before it’s all posted on Kiwi.

Last night I dreamt Tom was working the numbers and said the money was “dwindling.” It’s dreams like this that can be scary to someone known to have dream premonitions, but he assured me everything was fine. I hope so! Especially since it wasn’t here. It was in a big old house in New York of all places.

While I still don’t believe there’s any future with the horses, Tom’s learning a new programming language that runs on the new Mac. He’s encouraged, saying he’s learned that it’s not as complex as he thought it would be.

I had my first two wins of the month already. A sample of Colgate Total toothpaste, and an $88 beauty kit. It contains shower gels, lotions, cleansers, toners – stuff I love.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 2, 2008 I was pissed today, now yesterday, for a couple of reasons. First, I was woken up by gunshots of all things. Yeah, there’s always got to be something cursing my sleep. It sounded like a pistol down in the ditch, but I never saw anything. As far as we know you’re not allowed to fire a gun in this area, and also, hunting season would never be during fire season. Fortunately, it didn’t go on for long, but now that’s one more thing I gotta worry about waking me when I’m on nights.

Jesse said the tank still wasn’t filling well when Tom called to let him know the rent was in his box. He didn’t say anything about the roof or anything else, but I’m sure he’ll be down here for something soon enough.

I still hear a few scattered barks here and there between 11pm – 7am, but nothing overwhelming lately.

The other thing that pissed me off was the mail people at the jail. I sent a letter with a sheet of 7 small pictures on it and specifically enclosed a note asking that they not return the letter to me if the enclosed picture sheet wasn’t acceptable due to the cost of stamps these days and that they just disregard the picture sheet, but what did the assholes do? Well, they returned the whole thing of course. They enclosed a little note of their own saying “pic size.” Tom said I should’ve cut them up so it wouldn’t be seen as a collage, but how could they have seen it as a collage? The pictures in a collage touch and overlap. This was clearly several pictures on one sheet of paper, not one big picture. Would it really have been all that hard for them to pick up a pair of scissors and cut them out if that was the problem? I don’t think that was the problem, though. Remember, I was kind of famous too, so they no doubt recognized my name and are going to fuck with me no matter what.

Tom suggested I cut them up and try again, but no way! I’m not going to play games with these people. As long as it’s me sending pictures in, they’ll be returned no matter what. Hell, they’ll say the colors are too damn bright or something, and we don’t need our time and money thrown away like that. I totally should’ve known better. I really should have. Therefore we’re back to waiting for her to get out of there if she ever does. They’ll look so much better on a computer anyway. If Nathan can get some in to her from Webshots, more power to him.