#i just feel so guilty saying no ;w; | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yanderefarm · 2 months ago

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tomorrow im going out again but hopefully when next week starts i will be fully rested enough to get back to answering asks and writing.

just a friendly reminder that my requests are closed but i don't mind you coming to talk to me!!

#this reminder is for me and you #i really need to stop doing things that are by all means requests #i just feel so guilty saying no ;w;

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a-most-beloved-fool · 2 months ago

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spirk using telepathy to keep each other alive. kirk, desperate, psy-null and untrained, reaching clumsily into spock's dying mind and pulling, dragging spock's essence into himself, wrenching him forceably from the very jaws of death and holding him there through sheer strength of will, saying you can't die, i won't let you, you can't leave me, i need you, and binding him to life and to himself until it's impossible to fully separate them. spock, more skilled, carefully managing each one of kirk's vital signs - keeping his heart beating steady, his lungs drawing breath, his temperature within a safe range, all while suppressing kirk's pain, and at the same trying, vainly, to keep their minds from tying themselves inexorably together, but they're pressed too close and he can't, and he hopes that kirk will forgive him, for bonding them like this (he will, of course he will), but the alternative, letting kirk die, was - unthinkable.

#no matter which direction it goes the one who formed the bond feels so guilty about it because That's Marriage & they never got permission #and the other just looks at them and says “i would have married you the day we met if you'd only asked”#it works both ways because they are both so stupidly down bad #i think there's a special sort of devastation with telepathy like this because If They Fail - they have to feel the life drain away #you tie yourself to them and you know that if it doesn't work. if they die. it will feel like your soul has been torn from you #because you're in love! and in order to save them you've taken them into yourself and given yourself over to them #so when they die - they take you too. maybe not ALL of you but certainly part. neither one can die without tearing the other to shreds now #star trek #star trek tos #tos #spirk #james t kirk #spock #jim kirk #k/s #tbh i've got a fic (SLOWLY) cooking which features spock desperately holding kirk to life while bones (panicked) operates on him #(w/ some mcspirk vibes because bones is afraid that if he loses kirk he'll lose spock too but spock refuses to let go)#but i'm such a slow writer so. in the meantime here's this

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dykespence · 2 months ago

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"Carla we slept together once, and I'm not saying it wasn't amazing cause it was.." girl. Are we sure it was once

#😭😭😭#they're so unserious abt being angry w eachother #carla just laughing #laugh through the pain they say #betsy only just feeling guilty ohh girl done fucked up #'what if she figures out i was involved' oh she definitely will #coronation street #swarla #carla x lisa #carla connor #lisa swain #betsy swain #cs spoilers

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aimfor-theheart · 3 months ago

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men love to try and tee me up for their next relationship while they’re still dating their current gf and i am never interested. NEVER.

#i don’t even fuck w men like that #mind you i’ve told this man that i am NOT INTERESTED in dating SEVERAL TIMES when he’s asked ab my romantic life #but he’s saying some suspicious ass stuff #like today he was like ‘yeah and it’s hard bc i’m starting have feelings for….this isn’t about anyone in particular….others outside #the relationship. and it’s making me feel guilty’#and i’m like hm. um. okay.#and he’s being weirdly cryptic with me in the way men get when they think they’re being sly ab their feelings for you #😭😭#he’s texting me a bunch lately too like ‘you just really inspire me to be the best version of myself i can be’#and ‘i had a really bad week and i just wanted to thank you for being so kind and funny and awesome’#mind you i didn’t do anything out of ordinary for him #mind you he’s my coworker!!!#i see him every day!!#i’m not stupid idk 😭 you complain ab your gf to me and the shower me in praise like pls stop im uncomfortable 😭😭#i’ve already told him i don’t really want this dynamic with a coworker and he kinda just continues and idk what to do anymore!#like we work closely on everything!#he sits directly beside me in the office!#BLAH #cielo rambles!

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idontmindifuforgetme · 11 months ago

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I’m finally biting the bullet and contacting a therapist today after being ambivalent ab it for so long… this hellsite has its many disadvantages but one thing I can say is it has truly helped me be less scared of pursuing therapy. Silver lining etc etc

#And to be clear I have nothing against therapy. I’ve seen it do wonders for other people #I think the reason it’s a point of defeat (just a little) for me to be like ok. I need a therapist. Is bc I’m admitting to myself that I #need one to begin w. And I get it’s not healthy but I always liked to think I could handle anything by myself #That was even the whole point of this blog. It was supposed to serve as a conduit for these feelings #And I’m not saying I don’t have a support system. I do. I have many wonderful friends #But I struggle to be vulnerable at all tbh and whenever I am I’m guilty ab it bc #I understand so many people have busy lives & I feel like an emotional burden on them by venting #Despite them telling me that it’s totally fine. Obvi a therapist is literally paid to listen so no guilt there #And I think that’s what I need #I’m not like on the brink of a psychotic break or anything but it’s just little things. I think it’d be nice to sit in someone’s office for #One hour a week and just go. That did bother me actually. I am tired actually. I do feel that way actually.#Rather than just burying my feelings w school and a busy schedule #I don’t think therapy will make me any less of a workaholic anytime soon but it’ll at least allow me to slow down one hour a week #And also not bottle shit up so fuckin much #But ya all of this is to say I’m drafting the email to her RIGHT now .#Starting the day off strong by oversharing on tumblr dot com

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aziraphales-lawyer · 7 months ago

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Literally no other way I could describe it right now.

#there are some serious feelings attached to all thats happening #im saddened. im mad. at the end of the day this is how i cope so im sorry if you dont feel like humor is your way out #im disappointed and digusted #personally #neil gaiman #is innocent until proven guilty and my heart goes out to the victims of this whole situation.#i know. i KNOW the right is gonna make it about trans rights and the left is gonna make this about zionism and how these results are #unsurprising due to him being 'either' of these (which im not going into)#because its NOT about those. its the disgusting behaviors he did w those women. consent or not he actively sought out rlly young women.#i hold out a tiny bit of hope but if all things go to shit I dont rlly have anything to fall back on in terms of fandom.#good omens got me through shit. it got me through hell and some my worst times ever.#ive made irreplaceable IRL friends #idk #just some feelings im putting out here. im still gonna 100% support all GO creators (unless they outright excuse NG's actions esp when hes #not yet proven innocent)#but yeah #i havent spoken about this in my other accs and I think this is the only coherent thought I can manage from all of that.#again. really upset. but we got this. were all in this together yk? theres no one side or another to SA but to support the victims.#thats all im rlly gonna say. just remember that Im sending uou guys lots of love. lets get through this <3 #[EDIT: I MEANT TO SAY NEIL IS GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT FOR ME !!!!]

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angelsdean · 9 months ago

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ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.

#it's usually when they randomly drop some line of fanon. like saying dean has never admitted to being wrong in his life #or never expressed an emotion or been vulnerable or doesn't Talk About Feelings or is super duper RepressedTM #like i'm sorry. have you watched the show. oh and have you taken off the sammy POV goggles first?#bc this guy is always crying and being vulnerable and talking about his feelings. he is self-aware.#he may not always want to talk to sam abt things! but he sure does talk about things with other people #do i need to reblog the compilation posts AGAIN?#(also re: his sexualiy? AWARE. sorry i saw him flirt and be flustered by so many men. he knows how he feels.)#and then 'first time ever admitting to being wrong' this one came from a post abt dean's prayer in the trap #like i'm sorry but first of all. dean apologizes more than any other character on the show. there are hard numbers on this.#people have tracked this on spreadsheets. i think ilarual is one of them.#and often he is apologizing for things that aren't even his fault! but he still feels responsible for bc he's been made to feel that way #his whole life!!#other characters *cough samandcas *cough* apologizing Less doesn't mean they've Done less things wrong #it just means they're not owning up to it and brushing it under the rug. something both do frequently.#anyways. aside from apologies. dean also has no problem admitting he's wrong y'know when he's actually wrong #which is less often than you'd think bc he has pretty good instincts and intuition and often suspects things which turn out to be Right #but anyways. another thing abt the trap prayer is. i don't think cas Needed to be forgiven #i think dean was justified in feeling angry w cas over the circumstances leading to the Death of His Mother! totally normal grief response!#i think cas also understands dean to be someone who needs time to process and deal with his feelings (he says as much to jack)#however. despite me not think dean Needs to forgive cas. the thing is. with dean when it comes to cas the forgiveness is implicit #when he says /of course i forgive you/ and in the cut like /of course i wanted you to stay/ like. yes he was mad and dealing with grief #but also. yes cas was already forgiven even back then. he just needed Time to work through the feelings #anyways i think dean says he 'forgives' cas bc it's what CAS needed to hear to stop feeling guilty and dean gives him that closure #but i also think cas was already forgiven even in dean's anger. he wants him there always. i'd rather have you. we can fix this. etc etc #a lot of tags for a non-rebloggable post ajksdfs maybe i'll make these into a real post sometime #vic.txt #dean and feelings #so i can find this all again later

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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 3 months ago

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i need to think abt light yagami being tortured about this

#do u think light would give in after being waterboarded most accounts say that it's so distressing that u'll tell them literally anything #tgey want and i dont rlly think light is likeused to physical suffering he's v hands off and never rlly gets physically hurt badly until he #gets shot and like yeah he managed to oush through yhe pain to run away so he wasnt incapacitated but waterboarding is #different it has psychological elements as well and most of the time ur restrained it'd be like being cornered and i doubt hed like that #but do u think he'd confess to make it stop or try to push through the pain and the fear just so he wouldn't have to confess #then also there's tge question of if there'd be a difference btwn light as kira and light w/o those memories in how they'd react bc light as #kira would at least know he's kira but w/o those memories he'd think he's innocent and that begs the question of if the pain would be enough #or him to falsely confess to being kira or if he'd want to stick to defending his innocence no matter what #bc like yotsuba arc light defends his innocence no matter what shit L gives him and even through all that confinement and the fake execution #but again waterboarding is different u feel like ur going to die and again most ppl are willing to falsely confess to anything to make it #stop. then also do u think light as kira would give up those memories bc of the pain so he wouldn't confess knowing tht hes guilty or do u #think he'd believe that he has a better chance at staying quiet keeping his memories bc he'd know that he would actually be confessing #to a crime he did do #hmmm much to think abt

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straycalamities · 4 months ago

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do you think some people have a different view of swag and entre than how they really are?? like mischaracterizing them

this is a very loaded question because if i say yes then i come off as entitled or like im ungrateful or people get paranoid they’re the ones im talking about

but i’ll say it like this: no one is ever gonna get a character 100% “canon” besides the person (or people) in charge of writing them because everyone has their own life experiences, cultures, morals, and other things that will always shift their point of view compared to someone else’s

so basically it’s like. Yeah sometimes! but does it bother me? not really because it’s them having fun and as long as nobody’s trying to sell it like it’s The Real Deal, unironically saying they know my chara better than me, or making entre in particular do anything i personally heavily disagree with as a principle/upsets me then it’s whatever

art is supposed to be subjective anyways, and like i know otherwise with other media im a stickler for things like characterization, when it comes to my own it’s like…idk! a lot of the time im like “i wouldn’t have thought abt it like that, but i can see where you’d get that idea” and its kinda cool

sometimes it genuinely inspires me to change or adjust things in my charas even if i’m Really vibing

#anonymous #asks #and again i don’t wanna make ppl feel bad or guilty or like im not grateful for everything ppl do w entre #it’s very cool and im very lucky to have it #but i did wanna say my piece on this bc i HAVE heard of other ppl being unkind abt other ppls portrayals #so just kno: it doesn’t matter too much to me as long as you’re not going off the walls w it #crack and memes aside ofc #tbh i get more bent out of shape of ppl mischafacterizing Others’ ocs than my own LMAOOO 😭#so i guess yea swag counts there but it don’t matter what i think i didn’t make his blog

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cupiidzbow · 1 year ago

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#sorry for being a downer I’ll probably delete this later #i was really struggling last night and I feel so guilty cause I feel like I’m really annoying to everyone rn for some reason …….#like I feel silly again. I feel silly for what I do and what I say and i feel like I’m irritating people a little #I feel really awful about it i feel like i should be ashamed idk…….#eughhh I’ll try to power through it but ough i just want to apologize cause I feel like I’m being w nuisance…..#clenches teeth I’ll try to push it away and work on art but eeehuegegeeg #txt

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ghost-bard · 8 months ago

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cant wait for the solevellan reunion in veilguard knowing aila (my poor sad oc) will try to kill him on sight

#dragon age #dragon age the veilguard #dragon age inquisition #solas dragon age #solas #the thing is. she was already pretty unhinged post base game #whole clan is dead and closest confidant (and previous partner) left with no goodbye or anything #and shes not like. articulate or anything i dont think she knows how to read or write #at least she didnt in the beginning maybe josephine helped her or something #and then after stopping a potential war (iirc im playing through tresspasser rn lmao)#she sees that fucker again #and hes the reason any of this happened #shes fuckin pissed dude #where she has trouble seeing reason bc her anguish and anger blind her #solas feels so guilty for all that hes done and how his actions have harmed mages and elves for like #what 1000 years or something like that #theyre both sad wet cats is what im saying #their reunion WILL need a mediator #but i mean thats just aila tho im curious to how other ppls lavellan will react to the egg #or even just how other inquisitors will react #hahhhhh aila used to be so happy and then her family died and it was all downhill from there tbh #she was fine with the breakup i think. sad but fine #wait did he leave w no goodbye i might be misremembering tbh #ANYWAY hashtag aila loredump in the tags lets gooooooo #we dont talk about my other character i beat the game with

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yuukimiyas · 9 days ago

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happy sat my lovies!! (* ˘ ³˘) ♡ i hope you all had a v restful sleep & are ready to enjoy this lovely wknd!! bc guess what? ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝ its my birthday!! so you HAVE to have the best day/wknd, okay? ‪໒꒰ྀི∩˃ ᵕ ˂∩꒱ྀི১ its my one & only true bday wish!! <33 im passing out lil treats as i get up & rdy for the day!! mwah!!

#ᕱ⑅ᕱ.* journals!#goooood mornie!! & happy title fight yr to meeee !!! (⸝⸝ɞ̴̶̷ ·̫ ‹⸝⸝ᐡ)~☆ or my fall out boy yr depending on what yr vibe is hehee !!#im 27 today & first i will say!! WHUUU!??? HUNNHHH??!! WHAAAA??!!?? ໒꒰ྀི𖦹﹏𖦹꒱ྀི১ #i feel like it flies by every yr!! like WOAAHHH NELLY !! TOO FAST !!! but im so v happy i get to spend another yr around the sun w you!!!#boooo i gotta wrk today :< but im hoping today flies by & that things go smoothly!! :3 bc i rlly just wanna stay home but UGHH guilty :(((#im much too snuggy but i must get up & get rdy for the wrld!! ‪( ⸝⸝⸝ᵒ̴̶̷ωᵒ̴̶̷⸝⸝⸝)‬ there are many wonders to be had today & every day!!!#ilyasm & make sure you’re hydrated + that you’re taking some time for yourself !! you DESERVE IT!! ( ᎔˘꒳˘᎔) I’LL TTYL BBYS!! MWAH MWAH!!

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idontmindifuforgetme · 1 year ago

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#I’m only very rarely inclined to get this intimate w my thoughts so I might as well say it NOW butttt I will never not see the dead children #In everything I do #Like legit #I’ve read up on Hind so extensively and seen so many photos of her #And I have a very healthy relationship w the popular Palestinian journalists so she’s not my blorbo or anything #But hearing that memo destroyed me bc bisan is only 23 and she seemed so vivacious #Idk like I do normal people things I can’t just pause on my life #But idk how it feels like to sit at a boba place and enjoy my pearl milk tea w my friends #While the horrors over there don’t just lurk the back of my mind. I do normal things and I’m guilty for having the luxury #And as an Iraqi girl I’m living in the literal ideal timeline #Where my mom decided to immigrate to the us and that’s why I’m here living a normal life like everyone else #It’s like in a different world if I were born in a different time it could’ve so easily been me. I’m one of the Lucky Ones idk #It’s not survivor’s guilt bc it’s not like I had to survive anything like I never had the chance to live in Iraq or anything #But like. If some things had fallen just a little differently #And I keep thinking about how I’d feel if it were happening to Iraq and people behaved the way they’re doing to Palestinians #I’d be so mad #And some people on here are dealing w assholes while bursting at the seams w grief #For losing their loved ones #This is why I’m so fucking angry at anyone who’s complicit #This was a major tangent but basically I feel weird about doing normal things now while simultaneously knowing I can’t just sit and wallow #And watch life pass by as if it’ll do anything #Misery is not a home but I’m struggling to be 100% normal #And I think that this tonal dissonance is reflecting on my blog too bc I can’t go back to just #Posting about all the other normal things I used to. Like I want to but sometimes I feel off.#Is this anything. I haven’t slept all night #I can’t just allow myself to lose interest in everything I used to like and be and just fade away but maybe it’s about accepting that this #Will also always be a part of me now. It’s that awareness that shadows everything I do #or maybe I need a therapist it’s a toss up #I’ll probably feel better once I get my day started but this was cathartic to voice I think #p

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hunysckle · 12 days ago

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shan't be reblogging a certain post bc it makes me too sad but i will share my thoughts in the tags here. tw for medical events (strokes) and mentions of death

#it was like. hey sexy when will you finish grieving or something like that #and i wanted to make some pathetic joke about grief lmao like oh yeah i'l stop grieving when the guilt subsides =)#but then i remembered the ep of sad boyz where jarvis talked about being the first one to find his mom after her stroke and he wasn't home #he was eleven and he's in his early thirties now and still harbors guilt for not being there sooner #and i know he shouldn't feel guilty for that. jordan said it too on the podcast #so i'm like. weh. if he shouldn't feel guilty then maybe i shouldn't either..? =(#there's an evil voice inside me though that says well you were home and you were an adult so it's really not the same and you should still #feel guilty. but i know the voice is wrong it's just hard to internalize #idk where i'm going with this. next week will be two years since my dad's stroke so it's on my mind i guess #i want to request a day off so i'm not stressed w work but i'm like. idk which day to pick lmao bc he passed away in stages so i have like #three things on my calendar. i'll probably request his actual death day off next month. i remember struggling to focus on work last year.#anyways! ty for listening. mwah #trixie talks

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foreverppl · 2 years ago

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