#again. really upset. but we got this. were all in this together yk? theres no one side or another to SA but to support the victims.

[aziraphales-lawyer]

Literally no other way I could describe it right now.

[nintendont2502]

thinking about heirstuck again and im making it everyones problem (more thoughts + image transcripts under the cut:)

[Image ID: a series of discord messages from discord user 'new nintendont ds(i). the messages read:

okay actually im gonna rant abt it in here for a while youve been arned *warned okay so its like. u got two kingdoms yeah. derse and prospit we all know this this is like the most basic generic homestuck fantasy au you can get each kingdom has the same succession structure where there are two thrones - the king and the queen. the rulers of the kingdom are chosen from the royal family, who for the most part just live as normal people in the kingdom (they dont even have the royal names), although most of them do know that they have royal blood (it means basically nothing, though) the only way for someone to ascend to the throne is to display magic, which usually happens in their teenage years - legends dictate that only the royal family is blessed with the capability for magic and only those deemed worthy of the crown will ever 'earn' that magic and display it, at which time theyre taken off to the castle to become heirs both kingdoms do the same thing where they have the two thrones - one male, and one female. this means the king and queen arent married (since theyre. yk. related), and anyone they do marry won't have a royal title. theyre just kinda there yk each throne also has its own traditional last name that the ruler and heir to the throne take - in derse, all kings or male heirs are striders, and all queens or female heirs are lalondes, while in prospit all males are egberts all females are harleys derses a little different when it comes to heirs - traditionally, once theyre found, theyre hidden away from te public all together until its time for them to take the throne. thats mostly bc derse has an unfortunate habit of uh. killing their heirs! theyve mostly calmed down now (mostly) but old traditions die hard yk derses honestly the most chill rn compared to prospit so im gonna start with them bc prospit just has. so fucking much going on

so you got the king and queen - dirk strider and roxy lalonde, prince of heart and rogue of void (classpects function differently here in that theyre only loosely tied to the royals powers, and are instead more a ceremonial title (and in derses case an old holdover from when they had to keep the heirs identities secret) and can represent how the people feel about their rulers, or can even contain veiled hints about their futures thanks to some seer bullshit im still workshopping it) - dirk is prince of heart because hes. yk. the prince of their hearts. the old king seemed very attatched to him even if they never met and that kinda rubbed off on the people. roxys title is more mysterious and no ones really sure what it means (including her), but its probably finee right the old king and queen were actually their respective parents! which is cool until you realise they both presented their powers fairly young and so had to be completely hidden away from them (even before that, their contact with their parents was limited bc of the whole secrecy safety of themand the throne thing yk). so that sucks. l bozo the old royals actually both died on the same exact day as the prospitian royals which only made tensions worse (oh yeah theyre at war. did i mention that. theyre at war the entire time) and then you got the heirs! rose lalonde, heir to the dersite throne - she manifested her powers through a vision that predicted an attack on the kingdom, whcih is also how she earned her title. shes heir apparent to the dersite throne and then theres dave. dave… doesnt actually have any powers? despite constant brutal training from his father (who was lowkey upset he never got called up to the throne), he's never manifested any magical abilites, and really shouldnt be here at all. he only went with rose to the castle because hes basically her unofficial guard (and also he just wanted to get away from his dad), and rose 'conveniently' happened to have another vision while at the castle of dave totally manfiesting powers eventually. did dirk and roxy believe that? probably not! but fuck if they were just going to turn the kids away yk - especially after rose vaguely implied that if dave left she was going with him. dave is the heir presumptive to the dersite throne, and the knight of time, referencing both his status as rose's guard and a (maybe slightly cruel) reference to how theyre waiting for his supposed powers to manifest and then prospit. sure is a place theyre a fucking mess dude

okay so old king and queen. you got king egbert who was… nice but kinda just there yk. no one really cared too much either way about him and then queen crocker! she was adopted when she was a baby, and so never knew that she was part of the royal bloodline - when she manifested her powers and took the throne, she refused to give up her last name, claiming it was an important part of her. this was… divisive, but she was a pretty good queen! people really liked her eventually, and her work in attempting to defuse the war was admirable. when she and king egbert died (on the same day and time as those filthy dersite royals, in a meeting she helmed to call for a ceasefire), the kigndom damn near rioted and marched on prospit themselves. the heirs to the throne really liked her too! shed spend hours telling them stories and having private training meetings with jane to fully prepare her for taking the throne - almost as if shed known what would happen speaking of jane and jake - wow theyre fucking messes! jane did the same thing as the former queen, and took the name Jane Crocker, instead of the traditional Jane Harley, to honour her. this was just as divisive, but with the kigndoms on the brink of allout war, the people didnt really have much time to focus on that. and if jane seemed to act… differently once she took the throne, well - that was probably just the stresses of ruling, right? especially at such an intense time. shes probably fine :) yk who isnt fine? jake! because of course he fucking isnt when he took the throne and became king jake egbert, page of hope, he was seen as the. well. hope that the kingdom needed at such a dark time - surely he would be the one to lead the kingdom away from war and into the light, right? …right? haha nope. instead one day he just completely disappeared, and rumour has it hes leading a cult on the outskirts between the two kingdoms, recruiting people from both - although if you ask the prospitian royals, theyd completely deny that (and if you ask jake, hed also deny that, and then ask if you want to join his totally-not-a-cult) great job guys and then the heirs are just. theyre going through it man jade harley, witch of space, heir apparent to the prospitian throne is. shes fine. shes so so so fine, and shes not at all worried about jane and jake and john, and not at all terrified that the kingdom is veering ever closer to war and she cant do anything ot stop it. shes great! shes fantastic and then john is. he sure is! heir of breath, heir ascending to the prospititian throne - any day now, he'll have to ascend and become John Egbert, king of prospit and he just. he really doesnt want to do that. hell, half the time he isnt even in the castle itself - he has no goddamn clue why, but something about it just feels wrong (spoiler alert - its gender. that girl is trans as hell). anyway hey remember the og queen crocker. man she was cool. crazy how her heirs kinda respectively lost it after she died (along with every other ruling noble in both kingdoms at t he exact same time). man that sucks. too bad shes not around! …yeah shes the condesce disguise time baybeeee

her whole thing was trying to drive the human kingdoms to war with each other so alternia could take them both out and trigger the reckoning, which is absolutely a great decision for everyone involved probably. she spent years manipulating the poeple of both kigndoms to think she was totally helping while secretly actually driving them closer and closer to war, and priming her heirs to both kinda go crazy and be shit rulers (jake was fed story after story of some great god for his hope to cling to, which made himc ompletely abandon ship to try and resurrect it, and jane was just raised to think exactly like condy and hten given an enchanted crown just in case. sucks to suck). killing the other nobles and faking her own death was basically the fuse that set everything off and everything continues to get worse! so whats jake doing with his silly little cult that absolutely wont have serious repercussions later on? trying to raise a dead god, of course! he spent years hearing stories about this powerful 'Lord English', who could only be summoned by a powerful figure of light oly known as 'Doc Scratch' - once LE was summoned, he would cleanse the world of darkness with his pure and cleansing light which totally isnt ominous at all nooo jake took on the name Jake English in honour of his god, and his followers keep calling him Doc Scratch or just Scratch, which he at first told them to stop doing bc smth smth sacriliege but eventually he kinda got into it - maybe he could be the Scratch that brings light to the kingdoms! he was meant to be the hope that saves them, after all - maybe he could end the war!! pro tip: never tell a hope guy about an all powerful god he will hyperfixate on it and lose his mind a lil so derses missing a heir, prospits missing a king and their queen is making… questionable decisions, and theyre both on the brink of war and being lead by a bunch of teenagers (oh yeah the royals are like. 19. and the heirs are 16) surely things cant get worse!!!! and then dirkjake happens

tfw some mysterious charismatic (hot as hell) guy that kinda sorta looks like the missing king but youre too distracted by his everything else shows up, tells you about all these issues youre facing that he really shouldnt know about, and then tells you he has the solution (and also hes hot and youre gay and aaa-) it takes a while, but eventually dirk (desperate to live up to his father and fix everything, and also gay as hell and talking to a cute guy), agrees to help the cult worshippers - and he has the highest honour! he gets to become the human host for their all powerful lord until they can fully channel him onto this plane of existence! isnt that incredible!!! so now derses also missing a king and theres a rogue god in a royals body running around that absoultely doesnt have the best intentions lets be real 'dirk' resurfaces for long enough to try and kill roxy (since the royals are the only one who can stop LE smth smth prophecy bullshit) so she fortifies the castle, tells the heirs to stay the fuck there and not leave, and then completely dips (rogue of void baybee shes going rogue to try and fix everything), and janes acting more and more off, and now four 16 year olds are effectively in charge of two kingdoms at the brink of war man that sucks"

discord user new nintendont ds(i) replies to a message from discord user The DPetter that says 'you love creating chaos' with 'i do !', before continuing their unhinged rant:

"anyway while all this is going on alternia is like. surpirsingly chill? probably because condys gone lets be real

like yeah they still have the caste structure, but its not as rigidly enforced right. the empress is gone, but since she isnt officially declared dead her heir (feferi) cant ascend to the throne, and so alternia is just kinda left drifting leaderless for. a while. eventually the enforced intercaste violence and culling and hatred slowly fades away - sure its still there, but its far less intense yk this is where karkat grows up, and weirdly kinda. hes not thriving yk but he doesnt have to wake up thinking hes gonna die. when his mutation eventually gets revealed, he gets a lot of shit for it, and some people treat him like shit (he gets ignored at stores or midlly attacked fairly freeuqently), but theyre past the point of just. killing on sight. yeah sure hes a freak with weird blood but thats not their business yk. theyre not just gonna kill him on the street for it. this is all tolerable and surviveable and fine - until condy randomly comes back one day! and suddenly everythings in full force - the caste structure is just as violently enforced as it once was, if not more so as the kingdom prepares for war, and now everyone knows about karkat being a mutant. so he just. leaves. hauls ass out of there before they can catch him, and heads to derse - either of the human kingdoms were probably his best bet, and condy knows the least about and has the least control over derse so. off he goes. he runs into dave and they have some davekat bullshit (alternias magical structure is different in that everyone has abilites because theyre trained to harness whatever latent magic they have - everyone except karkat, who doesnt have shit! he blames his mutation. everyone else blames his mutation. either of htose on their own would be a death sentence but with both hes fucked).

so yeah you got yaoi with the two powerless freaks bonding and also dave trying to hide a civilian from an enemy kingdom in the castle while its locked down, you got fucked up yaoi with dirkjake (tfw your boyfriend is also hosting your god youve been worshipping for years). you got yaoi eventually with rosemary because im love htem. you got trans june harley my fucking beloved. you got jane eventually getting over her brainwashing and kicking condys ass. you got three kingdoms about to kill each other and the complete wildcard of a rogue god also trying to kill everyone. no ones having a good time rn oh yeah also alternias big on the child soldier thing every troll is raised to be a potential soldier which is why they all have training for powers and titles that determine their role in society vs the human kingdoms which only allow the few selected royals to have magic (i think most humans could have magic if they were trained for it from birth oevr generations just like the trolls were (although culling non magical trolls definitely helps)) and then the themes etc etc hang on im gonna steal these from the doc 'not being able to live up to your percieved role/what you 'should' be - dirk looks up to the former king and tries his best to emulate him, dave is meant to be (and wants to be) heir to the derse throne but just cant do it, john is becoming (and really doesnt want to be) the king of prospit, karkat not manifesting powers like hes supposed to, jane not following the prospitian naming tradition like shes supposed to - hell even the kingdoms themselves cant live up to waht theyre supposed to be god idk theres something there. i just. a world where everyone is literally assigned a title describing what theyre supposed to be, and a theme of rejecting identities/assumptions imposed on you or failing to live up to those identites,,,, im too tired for this shit but its gonna haunt me for a while i think' thanks past me theres a big thing with the false dichotomy between the kingdoms too -theyre each more like w hat the other tries to pretned they are yk derse is all secrecy and backstabbing and logic but they allow a false heir simply because they dont want to seperate family and they all stay together even though they really shouldnt. prospit is warmth and openness and kindness but the royals barely talk to each other, and theyre all so blinded and divided by their own shit (and/or leaving to start cults) that most of them have no clue what the others hve going on anyway i think thats everything jesus christ its been 50 minutes"

the screenshots under the cut are from the same user in a different sever, now with the username 'technicalGraphicist [TG]', who says:

"i have a lot of thoughts abt the alternians actually!! theyre almost the complete opposites of the human kingdoms when it comes to classpects - im still trying to figure out how exactly they work, but while for the human royals your title is changed/created to suit who you are, for alternians your title is what you are - its given to you when you reach a certain age, and it dictates your role in society (obviously theres some grey areas there when it comes to how your caste interacts with your role - a bronzeblood is never going to be heir yk. its probably just a coincidence that the more important roles always go to the highbloods haha yeah definitely) im still trying to figure out how exactly alternian society is structured/how some of the roles work but very roughly its like: feferi - witch of life. official heir to the alternian throne, even if her title doesnt reflect that (fuschia overrules title - maybe theyre some controversy with her not having the correct title? hm. condy isnt a heir either shes a thief,, does she steal the throne? does anyone even remember the old queen? does this even matter?) eridan - prince. second in command (or would be, if feferi was queen, or kinda is since she kinda is?). imagining theres a. idk how to describe this without comparing it to aus' political structure - you got the queen (condy/feferi) and then the prime minister (eridan) that actually runs the place? smth smth that roles there for when the queen is off doing military shit or whatever equius - heir. second in command to the second in command. if eridan died hed be the prince. not sure which would be worse gamzee - bard. hes just. hes the court jester. he probably has some other role in how he ties into court functioning but im too tired to think about it rn yk vriska - thief. assigned criminal at birth /j intersting to think abt roles like this being government assigned and enforced, though - if the alternian military system was in full swing, i think shed probably be a spy for alternia (thief of light - stealing knowledge yk. not entirely sure how aspects tie into the titles but they definitely do) terezi - seer. seers are probably the most diverse when it comes to how their aspect impacts their class - like seers of heart are definitely the ppl to give classpect titles out yk. terezi again would probably be a spy role? or interrogating prisoners for information or smth yk. non militarised alternia terezis just chilling fucking around with vriska rn

kanaya - sylph. i dont. i dont actually know what a sylph is. google says its an imaginary spirit of the air whcih really doesnt help. smth smth the information division? similar to vrisrezi rk (actually kind works for a general structure - highbloods are court/command, midbloods are information and lowbloods are soldiers/physical work. hm) nepeta - rogue. same as vriska! definitely a lower tier though,, she probably just steals stuff instead of infiltrates for information. catburglar,,,,, karkat - knight. fancy title for soldier. kinda mirrors canon karkats thing with being obsessed with being a good soldier for the empress. lmao thats not gonna save you bud youre doubleculled (mutant and no powers). sollux - mage. rare exception to the 'lowbloods are gruntwork' rule. either in the nerdy information gathering section or its similar to canon where powerful psiionics are living batteries/weapons ( i dont think theyd have the tech to battery them so hes probably like. magic battery? hmmm. torn on this guy actually (fits the duality hteme. god i hate him)). potentially leaves after akrkat does when he realises that hes just gonna get batteried after alternia goes all military again tavros - page. serves knight. lesser soldier? would work under any knights (implies karkat actually had a decent role in the military which is interesting) aradia - maid. works in the castle. arafef friendship is real and true and amazing and equius continues to be weird to her."

end Image ID]

[elusiiev]

The Brainrot is Consuming me.

anyway earlier me an my friends were discussing what kinda clothes the main cast of omor would wear bc.... yk half of the cast is in fucking npc ass attire, and we went back and forth about it a lot and now i feel obligated to share this with other people to see if they might agree with my headcanons

mari - for mari i feel like she's very much a cardigan girly, sundresses all the time, probably like sweetheart and square necklines on a lot of her shirts, and she consistently puts lots of time into her appearance, more so for her own pleasure than anything else. however if she doesnt get to change out of pajamas she'd probably get a little upset and feel unproductive as a result - idk she just seems very schedule oriented and i feel her clothing style and habits would match that. she 100% irons clothes, if somethings wrinkly shes not wearing it, and she'd lean into the academia aesthetic. she also gives summer vibes to me, but that might just be because the main canon images of her are during summertime - also lots of purples and yellows, purples her fav color and yellow is the complementary color, plus a color associated with bright light and summertime

hero - he'd probably have a more basic style of fashion, but still look very cute in it. like big sweatshirts, long coats, button ups, wide leg jeans, collared shirts, clean shoes, all in all a very clean look. he prob has some of mari's jackets in his closet that he wears pretty frequently. also he would always wear earrings BECAUSE I SAID SO I THINK ITS AWESOME he might also be a bit into academia fashion, but less over-the-top "i'm the top professor of this college" look and more just autumnal tones and mildly professional attire. also i feel like hero would iron some of kel's clothes if he noticed they were very wrinkled, which might result in hero running out of time to iron clothes for himself, in which he just switches his outfit last minute. this is hyperspecific but but but but but yes

kel - this man does not know fashion, all his tips are from hero, which hero got from mari. his wardrobe probably consists of graphic tees he found funny or pretty, hand-me-downs from hero, and plain shirts and jeans, probably with a couple rips in them from him being reckless. also he always wears some sort of brace, either on his arm or leg he is consistently getting hurt in some minor way /j dirty converses real!! also probably some pen/pencil marks on articles of clothing from getting bored and deciding to doodle randomly on them. also bracelets from random fundraisers or from crafts with the rest of the gang

aubrey - shes actually kinda hard for me to figure out, but i ffeel like aubrey would be wearing a lot of graphic tshirts and tank tops, but like those ones with extra detail yk the ones the grunge ones yeah those, and like huge cargo pants or wide leg jeans, chains hanging from pockets, necklaces and bracelets, and generally ripped things. so kinda punk but also still very fem and not very out there in terms of fashion styles . however this would only be half the time, this half is when she's really feeling like putting in effort to look nice, probably being like "im gonna be like mari today" and spending a good chunk of time putting together an outfit and such. the other half she's fucking done with it and throws on whatever shirt she can find and some pants, tosses her hair a little bit and throws on eyeliner and is out the door, somehow looking gorgeous still. like that effortlessly pretty look even when theres nothing outstanding abt the outfit

basil - grandma ass /j he probably thrifts constantly and the antique store is one of his fav places, so it seeps into how he dresses. lots of sweatshirts with intricate embroidered or sewn in designs, coats, lots of browns and greens, and very worn things. probably wears some traditionally feminine things he finds too jsut because he thought they were nice, again think grandmacore /j he's a very green and wiggly boy, lots of layers in his outfits, and is pretty rarely seen with short sleeve shirts. also collared shirts, messenger bags, pins, custom patches, and friendship bracelets. his clothing represents who he is and can tell a lot about him for the most part, basically story telling through what he wears since he has so many accessories that come from different places. also lots of floral patterns because he's he's the flower boy the little man the flower guy . in summary cottagecore mori kei esque things

sunny - his ass is not putting together outfits /j ok so i feel like sunny is the type to save his energy for other things, i feel like socializing might be a bit draining for him but he loves his friends, so he kind of switches up how he uses his energy to accommodate. but sometimes he'd probably wanna be like mari and put himself otgether, so he probably goes shopping with her and has cute clthes, his outfits just end up being very simple with a graphic tshirt and maybe an oversized jacket. HE ALWAYS WEARS SHORTS!!!! he dislikes the feel of pants and preferred shorts, even if he's cold. if he'd cold he just kinda balls up and puts a jacket around his legs. anyway i feel like he's probably being restricted a lot by his preferences (i hc he has autism and this is one of the ways it impacts him) so he's not the most fashionable person

OK THATS IT this took too long to write it took like maybe 30 minutes ummmmfehrhfweifu im obsessed with this game its taking over my every thought i needed to express this my brains going crazy bhhuu8ewifihbweifuweifok

[its-no-biggie]

anyway. some thoughts about season 2 in no particular order (spoilers ahead!!)

i was pleasantly surprised by the ending! wasnt expecting them to commit that hard

this might be controversial but. i kinda wish they had omitted the last 7ish minutes of the finale. you know the cutoff point im talking about. maybe im just a masochist but like..... that climax was SUCH a gut punch, and since they didnt use the last few minutes to really get closure on any of the Big Stuff, i think it wouldve had more impact to just leave it hanging. like. i cannot describe to you the high that i was on when it faded to black on jayces hammer on the roof and i thought the credits would roll. leaving it there would have left a gaping hole in my chest for the next 3 days, but then the ending softened the blow while still leaving things pretty open-ended. booooo 👎

i liked the conclusion to viktors arc a lot. the way eliminating pain and death goes against nature itself...... aughhh. i fucking love tragedy dude. people you love will suffer and theres nothing you can do about it. you cant erase the bad things that happened to someone without erasing the person they are today - even if it was unfair and it shouldnt have happened. viktor was blinded by his vision of a perfect world without suffering, and the only one who could help him see that was jayce...... you didnt need to be fixed....... and then!!!! putting everything back to how its supposed to be means accepting that they were doomed from the start. viktor was already dead twice over and the hexcore was only delaying the inevitable…… they suffered and died and their lifes work was all for nothing but they were partners to the very end!!!!!! im gonna be sick

also?????? going back in time to reach the only person who can save you???????? oh my god dude. oh my god. ill never be normal again

on a less heavy note. caitvi....... my god. im not a lesbian but i believe in their beliefs

jinx 😭😭😭😭😭😭 losing every single person who still loves her....... sacrificing herself for vi after vi finally accepted her....... VANDER....... aaauughhhhh. i just want her to be happy :((((((

also really funny going into the season knowing people HATE maddie but not knowing why. straight up thought it was undeserved ship war bullshit for 8 straight episodes and was completely blindsided by the betrayal. amazing

i love how half of the cast got a major design upgrade and the other half spent the entire season extremely disheveled. and viktor was somehow both

also really funny that ekko just. had all of that time-specific character design before he gets the time machine. nominative determinism to the extreme

speaking of episode 7. [incoherent sobbing]

actually can we talk about the implication that everything would have turned out okay if vi had died that day. how fucked up is that...... (well. okay for the undercity anyway. i guess we dont really see much of the pilties side except for the boarded up lab. so i guess the outlook isnt great for jayce and viktor...... but even then they obviously havent destroyed the world so. theres that.) kinda wish they had done more with that as a concept, but mostly im just glad that it wasnt powder who was killed to make everything turn out okay. that would have been genuinely really upsetting

and im so glad ekko got more screentime this season <3 i do really wish we had seen more of ekko and jinx together as kids though....... i looove timebomb but a lot of the appeal is their history together. what could have been........ obviously the alternate timeline provided some of that but they had no screentime together as actual kids!! just wouldve been nice to see that yk......

actually i think all around the show couldve used more filler (as in, scenes that develop the characters and relationships without forwarding the plot). i wouldnt say the pacing was too fast, it didnt feel rushed or underdeveloped at all, but with such a huge cast it wouldve been nice to have some more time with them yk? and the pacing is definitely on the faster side so you could afford to slow it down a little. the character interactions that are there are VERY strong though so i really cant complain. like - i wish we had seen jinx and ekko playing together as kids, but the scene where they fought on the bridge established that dynamic as it became relevant and it was fucking AWESOME. i just tend to prefer a little more downtime personally

with how many posts i saw about the 'i just want my partner back' scene i honestly cant believe i avoided getting spoiled on how it ended

[hiimsociallyawkward]

Dear Lara Jean,

HI. so i watched TATBILB: A&F a few weeks ago, and I have some words. Before I begin, i'd like to preface that i'm literally 17 and have no film experience, and that I've read this book once maybe 4 years ago but here it is.

ps. if you haven't gotten it already: there will be spoilers. Heavy spoilers.

first of all, i'm sorry but i really didn't like the little edit things. Maybe I've reached that point in my life where I don't f with that anymore. Like when theres a drawn house and it slowly fades so it's real life?? no thanks

the music choice... I honestly didn't have that big of a problem with it, but my korean friend kept going "wtf is this music choice" so i'm quoting her on that.

the filming and editing. well maybe it's just me but I didn't really like it. yk when you're watching a youtuber and they do those zoom in things and it's sort of fast and funny? I think there were a few times the movie did that and i didn't like it.

literally, lara jean looking directly into the camera?? it feels like it's breaking the 4th wall and maybe they're doing it to be edgy but no thanks i didn't like that either.

WHY???? Her breaking the 4th wall added NOTHING to the movie. It just took me out of the experience. I especially didn’t like it when they did it in PS I still love you when they temporarily broke up.

THEY SET THE MOVIE IN OREGON. WHAT WAS THE REASON. THE BOOK WAS SET IN VA, AND I LIVE IN VA SO I FELT A CONNECTION TO THE BOOK. AND THEN THEY GO AND SET IT IN OREGON. WHAT. WAS. THE. REASON

OREGON DIDN’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING WITH THE COLLEGES. THEY’RE STILL PRETTY FAR AWAY FROM STANFORD. IN THE BOOK, UVA WAS CLOSE BY SO LJ WOULDN’T HAVE TO BE TOO FAR AWAY FROM HOME. NO OFFENSE TO THE STATE BUT WHY OREGON. THEY COULD OF PUT THEM IN CALI AT LEAST

ONE OF THE REASONS WHY LJ WANTED TO GO TO UVA IS BECAUSE HER FAMILY WOULD BE CLOSE BY. BY PUTTING THEM IN OREGON, YOU TAKE AWAY THAT REASON. i just want to 👊 whoever’s idea this was

FURTHERMORE: THEY CHANGED UVA AND UNC TO STANFORD AND NYU. I AM INFURIATED. THE WHOLE POINT WAS THAT THEY WANTED TO GO TO UVA BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE 10 MINS FROM WHERE THEY LIVED AND IT'S A STATE SCHOOL. LARA JEAN FELT LIKE THE WAS GAURANTEED TO GO TO UVA AND WHEN SHE DOESNT, IT ACTUALLY HURTS THE READERS.

in the book, LJ was waitlisted from UNC, rejected from UVA, and accepted to W&M. I’m sure you can find like 40 people at our school who can relate to this situation. I doubt 40 people in our school can relate to being rejected from Stanford BUT accepted to NYU. dear writers, please give teens across the nation (your target audience) realistic expectations for college admissions.

YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT PETER AND LARA JEAN WERE ACTUALLY QUALFIED ENOUGH FOR STANFORD. LEMME JUST SAY, I'VE APPLIED FOR COLLEGES THIS YEAR AND I FEEL LIKE I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD GRASP ON WHAT IT TAKES TO GET INTO CERTAIN COLLEGES. YOU'RE TELLING ME THE TWO OF THEM. REALLY. GOT. INTO. THOSE. SCHOOLS. pls.

DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE KISSING BOOTH. ELLE AND NOAH ARE POSSIBLY THE DUMBEST CHARACTERS I HAVE EVER WATCHED. I DON’T SEE THEM DO A PAGE OF HOMEWORK AND I DON’T EVEN THINK THEY ATTEND CLASS. LIKE MAKING A KISSING BOOTH FOR ONE FUNDRAISER FOR A CLUB THAT CONSISTS OF 2 PEOPLE DOES NOT COUNT AS ENOUGH TO GET INTO HARVARD. but that’s a different movie...

this is literally the idea that television and movies have in making it super easy to get into ivy leauges. as if some in state college isn't up to society's standards of where or where not it's ok to go to college. it's when gabriella montez goes to stanford, troy goes to berkely, ryan evan goes to julliard, teddy duncan goes to yale, cody martin is accepted to princeton, HANNAH MONTANA does to stanford.

and lara jean wants to study english lit. she never says “i want to go to stanford because of their great english lit program”. it’s only “i want to go to stanford because my boyfriend is going and i have no other life outside of him

fine. make your characters seem awesome by making them go to awesome colleges. but still. this is upseting.

you know how awesome it is to hear UVA, the college I've always wanted to go to, in a published book? and for them to just rip it away- espeically when UVA is so attainable?? Yea yea movie directors, i get it, UVA isn't good enough for you. whatever.

They had AT LEAST 5 MONTAGES. 5. FIVE. WHO NEEDS THAT MANY MONTAGES. To quote my friend "the movie is all montage and 30 mins of plot" AND I CAN'T FIND IT IN MYSELF TO DISAGREE WITH HER.

AND THE DANCES. I REALLY DIDN’T NEED TO SEE NOAH CENTINEO DO WHATEVER HE CALLS “DANCING�� IN 2 MONTAGES. I know everyone fell in love with noah in the first movie, but i’m pretty sure everyone fell out of love with him in this one.

again, i know nothing about movies, but 5 montages?? it seems like you're just filling space and trying to make everything seem ✨awesome✨ and ✨amazing✨. SURE. everything might be awesome and amazing, but this movie was 1 HR AND 55 MINS. and you decided to add 1 HR of montages? WHy. AND. one of them was in slowmo. i can't

THEY HAD VOICE OVERS THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE MOVIE. sure. 1 at the begin and 1 at the end, I think that's cute. BUT THE WHOLE MOVIE?? WHY. like bruh- have a focus.

literally did anyone read the freaking book? Remember how- in the book right? Margot was actually really not ok with Trina bc she's sort of replacing their mom? and Margot is rlly not ok with it but gets over it?? see how that was summarized in like 5 seconds in the movie? Oh i'm sorry you used all your time for the movie making STUPID MONTAGES but can we get some actually emotionally beats next time?? thanks.

ok this is a big problem i have with the movie. in the 3rd book, peter tries to have a relationship with his dad who ran away from him years ago. He struggles with that relationship the whole book. This is good stuff. people can relate to this. the scene in the diner where peter “confronts” his dad was CRINGEY. It could be noah’s acting but i couldn’t take him seriously. AND HE FORGIVES HIS DAD AFTER 30 SECONDS. the movie tries to include these smaller storylines but can’t because of the time limit. i’m no screenwriter, but i’m sure there could have been a way to subtly move that plot line during the entire movie rather than that one conversation in the diner

and in the book, peter has to train for lacrosse so he has to eat healthy which stresses him out. i specifically remember him getting mad at someone (maybe it was john ambrose, i don’t remember fully) for EATING HIS CARROTS. this just shows that peter has a life too. he has to worry about lacrosse along with losing lj. but no, the movie makes him look like the perfect boyfriend who has no other worries in life except for the girl in front of him

remember how- in the book (right?? bc they had a book to go off of???) Stormy was a part of the 3rd book? like a BIG part?? They LITEALLY just used her as John Ambrose's grandmother (WHICH IM PRETTY SURE THEY DIDN'T EVEN DO IN THE MOVIES). literally, stormy and john ambrose were throw away characters in the second movie and i am infurriated. BUT ALSO I LOVE JOHN AMBROSE HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO HIM??

and remember, how in the book, how the dog's name is "Jamie Fox-Pickle" and they changed it to HENRY??? where is the flavor. what was the reason. SERIOUSLY.

BUT ALSO. CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG BUT THERE WAS A POINT IN THE PLOT WHERE PETER'S MOM TOLD LARA JEAN TO BREAK UP WITH PETER. DOES NO ONE ELSE REMEBER THAT?? AND THEY CUT IT ALL OUT OF THE SCRIPT?? LIKE WHY. WHAT WAS THE REASON.

ok those are my biggest book grievances I think. but lemme just say, they NEVER went to NEW YORK. They literally wrote that in for the purposes of NYU. in the book, Chris and Lara Jean DRIVE to UNC because that's ATTAINABLE. BC THEY'RE STATE UNIVERSITIES. ANYWAYS

LJ’s and Chris’s spontaneous trip to unc showed their friendship in a good way. I never really liked chris as a friend to lj but during the trip, they are besties and it shows. the movie tries to do that in ny but peter is also in ny for some reason. she should have fell in love with ny WITHOUT peter at her side nagging her to sneak out and go on a date. she should have spent more time with chris rather than thinking about peter while she was watching the band.

the scene where Lara Jean is in New York and at the party and she sees the band? To all the boys I've loved before: Always and forever?? more like To all the boys I've loved before: gay awakening time.

when they moved the pink couch to the subway? WHy? They wanted snazzy pics.

when Lara Jean and Peter were making up and it was a really cute sequence AND THEN THEY MADE HER LOSE HER V CARD. FINE. I GET HOW THAT'S REALISTIC BUT IT WAS A CUTE SCENE. MY FRIEND ALMOST STARTED CRYING AND THEN LJ LOST HER V CARD AND WE COULDN'T STOP SCREAMING.

this is different from what was in the book (for the 100th time). In the book, they don’t do it and it shows that you can be in a high school relationship without being physical. I strongly appreciate that message. This darn movie had to have her lose her v card. WHY. IT ADDED NOTHING TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP. THE YEARBOOK SIGNING WAS SYMBOLIC ENOUGH

the montage where it's a montage of all of lara jean's and peter's cute moments?? ok fine. that was cute. but they literally just took scenes from past movies. imagine the impact if we like hidden moments from their relationships. maybe they're laughing in the car together. maybe they're watching they sunset. maybe peter is looking at her lovingly while she sleeps. WHAT IF. it WASN'T a montage of all the "bigger" moments of their relationship, and we got to see them just exist.

UGH. THE VOICE OVER AT THE END OF THE MOVIE IS SO CRINGEY I CAN'T

"WE AREN'T LIKE OTHER COUPLES. NOT US, LARA JEAN AND PETER KAVINSKY. BECAUSE WE HAVE SOMETHING BETWEEN US. WRITING LOVE LETTERS" please. b freaking s

Some redeemable qualities

while i didn't like most of the songs, "like me better" by lauv will always be loved. especially since it's a call back from the first movie?? I can ftw

WHY WASN’T “LIKE ME BETTER” THEIR SONG???? I really thought it was a good song to be their song and they referenced it in the beginning. No offense to the “beginning middle and end” people, but i felt no attachment to that song.

they customized her phone. it looked like it was a 7 (idk rlly, i don't know crap abt iphones) but they customized it. Granted, I KNOW lara jean would be the one with the aesthetic background with color coded folder, but still- they did give her relevant apps. some to note include; tiktok, spotify, instagram, netflix, notes, messages, facetime, maps, whatsapp and the STANFORD APP?? whatever- i'm chill.

they did make lara jean make choices so that was good.

the prom ask?? That was cute. with the pancakes??

at the end when Peter played the song even though earlier he didn't like it?? I liked that. i liked that a lot. ok fine i more than liked that a lot. There are multiple texts where my friends are screaming at each other. In fact, 26 separate messages.

chris in general. granted, she was more present in the books, but i'll take what i can get.

some notable quotes by her, the queen

"I'm dead inside"

not wanting to do a gigantic walk down from the stairs and asking the boys not to turn around

peter said he liked lara jean's forehead kisses and that reminded me of emma chamberlain so that's a positive only bc of emma

I remembered that they were the class of 2021, and I'M class of 2021 and it just hit for a second.

my friend cried over their graduation but i felt nothing bc we're literally living in a pandemic and chances of me getting a real graduation?? we'll see

again, these are all just my opinion. my friend doesn't like the movie bc she says she's sad and bitter and seeing these cute couples makes her feel lonely but i'm just diappointed. the books were GOOD. they were gold.

there was so much they could’ve done with the movies, and i just feel like they didn’t deliver on anything. Jenny Han, i’m sorry. The movie overall, ik someone who cried about it and someone else who gave it 7/10. props for them but jeez i just wish for more.

ok but that’s the show folk. i mean, obviously everything i said was opinion and literally don’t listen to anything i’ve said. BUT. feel free to add what you hated or loved abt the movie too. thanks. i love you guys. “always and forever” :,)

p.s- omg not them ripping off taylor swift. jk jk. ok bye

[j-fanpage]

i dont think you truly understand just how much you mean to me /nm. i could get into our entire friendship's history and everything, but i honestly just wanna talk about today specifically.

while i was at the store this morning buying food, i called you and honestly did not expect you to pick up—not for any bad reason, i just figured you'd be away from the phone or possibly still waking up. hearing your voice again after so long felt like i could finally breathe again. i couldnt be bothered to care about how cheesy i looked, smiling super big and the sticky sweetness laced in my voice because i was just so happy to talk to you i let all my walls down the second i heard you say "hi".

at the train stop i was literally shaking, i almost thought i was gonna puke before realizing i quite literally had nothing in my stomach to do so, so i simply sat there bouncing my leg and willing the train to come sooner.

hugging you was a dream, or very much like one. the only reason (other than the bag of food in my entire arm) i didnt sprint to hug you as soon as i saw you was because i physically could not have at the moment, but i like to hope i made up for it by how tight the hug itself was and how often i hugged you while we were hanging out.

the gifts were absolutely incredible, by the way. im probably never taking this bracelet off & i still need a name for the turtle but i might just name it after one of your blorbos or something <3.

it was a bit of a challenge not asking certain questions, and having to cover up me having been there before (i mean whaaat ive never been there before today wdym), but nevertheless it was hilarious and i loved laughing with you. even when my laugh was wheezing, coughing, loud, annoying, you still made me feel so comfortable i couldnt even care about how i sounded.

the picnic itself was incredible, even if a bit short and we didnt actually finish anything there :') i still enjoyed eating with you, regardless of how difficult it was getting i still felt motivated to keep going by the "you can do it" and "are you okay?"'s, because knowing you care makes things that much easier.

i wanted to immediately say yes when asked to stay for dinner, but i was worried i would be overstaying my welcome and i didnt want to tire you guys out or anything but im really really happy i stayed. i had never had what was served before, i know what it is ofc but i had never actually had it, can definitely say i want to come over the next time dad makes ravioli.

calling your parents mom/dad was really funny, further down its a bit sad to me but i prefer to think about how welcome they made me feel, how kind they were, how fun it was to eat with them and how they didnt judge me or make me feel bad for not eating a lot. i felt bad, because it was amazing and i wouldve loved to have more, but as you know i physically could not but i most definitely wouldve if i could.

i literally started crying in the car because i was so upset that i had to leave, i seriously didnt wanna leave any of you/your family and i cant believe how kind they are. i mean i dont doubt theres things that go on i dont know much about, as is the case in all families, but im still so grateful that i felt so loved there in the simplest yet most beautiful way. it felt like i was actually a part of a family, not just a group of teenage friends or my dads queerphobic family, but i literally felt so much like i was just a part of a family being around yours and so engaged with everyone there. i was kind of really bad at eye contact when it came to your parents, but i still had so much fun talking to them while talking to you and everything.

and yk what i realized when i got home? i went the entire day sober. i will admit, i had a v-pe in my pocket, but only because i put it there by instinct every time i leave the house not because i planned on using it while out. i didnt even use it at the train station while waiting for the train, and the entire time we were together i didnt once think about anything related to it unless i felt it in my pocket for whatever reason.

im just so incredibly grateful to have someone that makes life seem so worth living. i love loving you ❤️.

/p

[irregulardiaryposts]

00:53 21/06/2021

Hello again <3

so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.

i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.

so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.

i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.

so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.

anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.

i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.

i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.

god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.

20:21 30/06/2021

MOTHERFOIUHIFIUDVMKCVKM V

MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY

so

23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.

um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.

my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.

so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.

the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!