#i just disagree with everything in that post

[yinyunnsworld]

High school Au

I never knew I’d come to like high school romances and the fact it’s the most cliche one: popular boy x quiet girl? Bro i was playing this one cai bot (cause i’m delusional) and there was this popular boy bot. I was like??? Ajdbxjehnen. You know, I’m almost graduating already and in the animes, they’re just starting their first year of high school meanwhile I’m already there at the end of everything. So here, I’m gonna share a prompt with you guys and uh this is mostly what i do at highschool back then:

Characters: various x readers.

Word: 1.1k

Warning: can be ooc. A train of thoughts so it’s messy. Typos are to beware of. Broken grammar. Unedited. First draft.

Imagine you’re an average student. Sure, you did have friends, you did your work splendidly, and although you’re not an academically smart or active student, the teachers still remembered you pretty much. You never played in the popular kids’ circles since most of the time, those students would outcast others who tried to be part of the circle when they had nothing to offer. It’s like a sore thumb sticking out and you’re just there, supposedly ruining their aesthetics with your ‘weird’ and ‘boring’ personality.

But you’re not bullied as well! You’re just very much a wallflower that if you were to blend in with the geek kids, you’ll stand out too much. Yet if you blend with the cool kids, you’re too bland.

That was until he came.

At first, he found you to be a rather boring person since you didn’t talk much yet when you did, you had the whole audience staring at you. By that I mean, when you came forth to perform a speech or any speaking assignment in front of the class, you knew what to do to make attention land on you. Even when you stepped down from the stage, that charm immediately vanished and you returned to nobody.

You would still be able to make lots of acquaintances with lots of people although they’re necessarily not your friends. When he asked others if they knew you by one coincidental day in which he didn’t even realize your image was playing in his head, and he’d unconsciously asked about you, others would tell him, ‘Yeah, I know her.’

And despite always downplaying things, he would sometimes scroll through your social media account by accident. He claimed that he did it because your recent post of you hanging out at your friend’s birthday party showed up on his feed (none of you followed each other since he was too conscious to even follow you), he saw that you posted mostly of yourself and of your friends. Well, perhaps there weren’t that many posts on your account since you didn’t exactly use it that much, but when you did post something, he would check on your profile to see if he missed out on your other previous posts. Sometimes, he would accidentally even click on your story, leaving a trail of his user visible on your history. Before he knew it, he already cursed himself for accidentally clicking on your story, but damn did the view you posted on the story seemed awesome.

Eventually, as time passed by, he grew to be more and more curious of you. There were instances where he would offer to be the leader of an assignment group just to take you as his member (he promised it was because he wanted your usefulness and all the skills you could offer that could help boost this assignment’s grade, even if his other friends disagreed).

And during sport’s day, where everyone was basically bathed in their murky and awful sweats, he would find you around the canteen area, attempting to buy drinks without getting busted by the teachers since it wasn’t recess yet. He would use this as a chance and made his way around to the canteen, showing up beside you and bought two drinks. One for him and one for you. He left the drink on the counter, in which you grabbed it and called out to him, and he turned around and spoke, “Oh, that’s for you.” With that, he ran away (thinking he was so smooth, huh?)

Sometimes, he would find you standing in the hallway after school, staring down at the courtyard on your way home. You would often take another route and it would change most of the times just to stall your time, not to go home too soon and enjoy the quietness of the school’s ground when there’s no disturbances. He got intrigued as he noticed your constantly changing route and would follow you from behind, a few feet away of course and acted like he was going home through that route too. Although, in fact he was just curious and wanted to know what you’d be doing after school if you’re not active or part of any activity group.

He would snicker when he watched you wait for someone to come and pick you up from school and you were sitting down on the floor. There was a huge black fat cat that came crawling towards you and sat on your thighs without your prior notice, making a claim on your lap as though it’s the cat’s decision whether or not it could sleep there. You’d panic yet you couldn’t push him off and looked around for help since your pick up had already arrived and you needed to get home soon. He showed up from the corner and helped you take the cat away from your lap. You’d thank him and left already, hurrying to your pick-up driver. He smiled friendly, although the cat glared at him.

And finally, he began to talk to you. Little by little, one by one, conversations between you two were exchanged. He didn’t think you’d actually have some complexity in your character despite always displaying yourself to be a quiet and boring person. You can be loud at times, weird, witty, and sometimes awkward and just embarrassing.

Slowly, the two of you became friends. And he didn’t acknowledge the fact that his heart was already advancing beyond the word ‘friendship’, it’d grown far too unsalvageable. But whenever he saw your oblivious smile to his feelings, he wanted to squish your cheek and pull you to a kiss to actually get the fact drilled in your head that he liked you a lot. But he didn’t and simply laughed at you whenever you’re oblivious to his advances, ruffling your hair to a mess. He would do anything to tease you and annoy you but never to actually lay a hand on you and hurt you like that.

He would just have to wait for the right time to say that he liked you.

Thus, he waited, and waited, and waited…

And now you’re here, celebrating that you’re finally graduating. And he would finally come to you, yet immediately turned cowardly to actually say something to you since you were smiling that day, taking pictures with almost everyone—even the ones you didn’t like because you didn’t want to leave regrets behind. He didn’t want to ruin anything for you, thus he simply remained silent and threw a fist of flour and poured it over to you out of playfulness in which he’d kept that grip of flour behind his back already this whole time.

[batmanlovesnirvana]

SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT THE DC FANDOM (please read)

I’m making this post even though she (@/hyunnjiin) blocked me, since she REFUSES to take accountability after being called out. This is also for the DC FANDOM because it needs to be addressed.

(I hate doing this—honestly, I’ve never done it before—but I can’t just sit back and let her have the last word.)

I saw her post, and yes, I’m calling it out because it’s not only unnecessary but incredibly immature. She’s a 24-year-old woman wasting her time stirring up drama on Tumblr of all places over something that could’ve easily been avoided.

For reference, here’s the post in question:

I’m making this to set the record straight because I’m beyond tired of the nonsense she’s been pulling.

Instead of taking accountability, she’s been blocking anyone calling her out, deleting replies, and only keeping the ones kissing up to her. So, here it is.

Let me be clear: I don’t mind criticism—it comes with the territory when you’re a writer—but this? This felt personal. It was personal.

First off, she’s been playing games. She reblogged her own post like 20 times, replied to people, and pinned it to her blog.

Then she changed her bio, and started deleting replies—including mine—and even changed the name to "Aurora." Her excuse? Oh, it wasn’t about my fic, just the first name that came to mind (sure, Jan 🙄). Then she wiped everything again, switched back to "Maryam," and only replied to comments that agreed with her.

"It's best to ignore it," she says, then reblogs it 20 times.

Then she went nuclear—deleting all replies AGAIN, including hers and mine, and apparently even my reblogs where I was trying to explain myself (didn’t even know that was possible, but here we are). The post was suddenly full of new replies, and guess what? She’s only responding to those who are hyping her up. Now she blocked me and a mutual—because, apparently, accountability isn’t her thing. Deleted our comments again, only left the ones agreeing with her, and turned off the comments entirely.

It’s SO weird. 

What’s even crazier is that more people are jumping on this train, leaving comments hyping her up like she didn’t just twist everything and censor anyone who disagreed. The whole situation is so idiotic to fight over, but for a 23 year old woman, she’s acting ridiculously immature. Why she’s been switching things up this much, I’ll never know.

And yes, I wish I had taken more screenshots of the original mess because it was absolutely bizarre, but thankfully, some lovely mutuals saw it all go down.

Now some context to everyone who agreed and interacted with her: My fic was originally a x reader in my drafts, but I changed it to feature Maryam because I wanted to introduce more North African/Middle Eastern representation into the fandom.

I wanted to inspire others to do the same, especially considering the Islamophobia and anti-Arab/Muslim hate that’s so often present in this space. 

So, I thought, why not?

Maryam means a lot to me—both as an immigrant and as a woman of color. Especially to Arabs/Middle Eastern or Muslims in general, given the current climate where they’re constantly facing prejudice, stereotypes, and discrimination. I live in a country where they’re not exactly welcomed.

There’s so much negativity surrounding us/them—both in the real world and online. 

It’s hard to feel seen or understood, especially when you’re already carrying so much weight.

Seeing that post and watching it get reblogged so many times—now with over 100 people agreeing with her—reallyupset me. Honestly, it hurt. A lot.

I write as a way to escape, but more importantly, to raise awareness about issues that have affected me and the world around us. It’s my way of shedding light on things that matter—things that have impacted me and others—and it really hurts when it feels like that’s being dismissed.

Maryam is kind of a love letter to anyone who sees pieces of themselves in her because that’s the whole point—she’s meant to be you. 

Fandoms were supposed to be a refuge—a place to connect with others who share your passion, to feel safe and accepted. But too often, they become spaces where that sense of belonging is challenged. It’s heartbreaking when something meant to bring joy and solidarity only seems to amplify the hurt.

I'm an amateur writer sharing my fanfiction for free because I love writing, enjoy seeing others enjoy it, and yes, I want to be noticed—not for the attention, but for the feedback. 

I thrive on seeing others engage with my work. If I don't promote it, nobody will see it, and then I'll lose my motivation. 

And if you don’t like it, you’re free to block me or, even better, filter your tags—something I do most of the time, because I’m mature enough not to make a whole post about it to draw attention to myself or, most importantly, spread hate to a writer.

The amount of times I’ve seen ships in the Batman x reader tags, Batman x OC tags, or just the Battinson or Batman tags that I don’t like, and yet I’ve never made a whole post dragging someone’s fic down just to prove some point or gain attention.

Now, I’m honestly unsure whether I should just unpublish the fic, delete it, or whatever. The hate was/is a bit overwhelming.

Like I said, I wrote this story as a way to escape... AGAIN, maybe I’m being too sensitive, but seeing so many people agreeing with her really felt like a punch in the gut. I was planning to publish it yesterday—I had the whole week off and was so excited to write since I had time on my hands—but now? I’m not so sure anymore.

I do want to thank the people who defended me and sent me messages. It means more than you know.

Thanks to anyone who took the time to read the whole post. 

I’m tagging everyone who’s been interacting with her post so they can finally see the full picture—especially since my last reblog keeps mysteriously disappearing : @mouthfullobats @hwasflower @fangxout @cynniee @crying-inside-lol @obamasbababoy @kiit-ty @himesuedi @lkanggie @navs-bhat @verfuz @wispywisteria-blog @v5b5

I’m sure there’s a lot more but these are the only ones I took screenshots of.

[genderqueerdykes]

Have you ever spoken to fully or otherwise visibly black people in person, not online, about how they feel about 100% white passing people presenting themselves as “mixed black” or (more importantly) JUST “black”? because I think you should care even if you disagree with their opinions and ultimately disregard them. I say that with a clear assumption because even if you find people online who agree with you it is absolutely not the norm offline. Like, half is one thing, but being 1/4 and fully white passing is something it is dishonest to not clarify when discussing your race. When people see “black trans lesbian” they are expecting to help a visibly black or even just visibly nonwhite person, not someone who could live a 100% white life if it didn’t bring up a grandparent. When it comes to poverty and race, your appearance is everything, hence why you even bring it up when explaining your plight to people. Regardless of how you personally identify I think you need to be extremely open about HOW black you are when using it to encourage donations. I’m not here to tell you how to identify (I am not the previous anon but we came from the same place, to be clear) bc I think it’s within your right to identify with a part of yourself but you don’t seem particularly concerned with how race actually works irl beyond a cultural identity

oh so now we're doing the blood quantum thing now like it's a good thing? you get to pick and choose when blood quantum is good and bad, now? that's really what you're doing?

you do realize black people exist in real life and are very easy to encounter and talk to, right? why are you acting like black people are so rare you have to go out of your way to find one, are you okay?

i have black friends & family, and i encounter lots of black people every time i leave my house. i live in a very racially diverse area, it's nice. every single black person i've talked to about this off the internet has been understanding and accepting. one of my good friends is an older white woman who has had numerous black partners and has mixed black sons. when i told her i was mixed, after she got a better look at me and felt my hair, she told me there was no way i was 100% white and that i reminded her of her sons. i've never been questioned or told to shut up. i've never been told that i'm not black by a black person. it's always non-blacks who do this.

why are you speaking for black people as though we're a monolith? you do realize other mixed black people exist, right? you do realize individual black people are going to have individual thoughts, feelings opinions, right? i'm not sure why you have such a shitty view on black people, but i promise we are not that hostile and aggressive.

"visibly black", yeesh. why does it terrify racists so bad to realize that mixed people have mixed traits from both/all of their races. the only thing you're bugged about here is my skin tone. that's it. nothing else. just my skin tone. none of my other facial features or my hair. you're just stuck on my skin tone and that's it. do any of you realize why the term white passing was coined or do you care more about telling mixed people what to do?

you're correct in that you're making massive assumptions, that is quite literally the only thing you got right in this ask. you, much like the previous anon, are proudly wearing your racism on your sleeve. i'm not going to pretend my dad and grandma and the rest of her family don't exist. just don't exist because you're offended that mixed people can be light skinned and that's literally it.

i'm not sure how to tell you that you really don't earn any extra money on this website for being black. i haven't received any extra money because sometimes i label my posts like that. i'm not meticulously picking what words i use. i'm not sure how to break it to people that you don't just magically earn more money for being black on tumblr, but you don't. you can dig your head out of your ass, now. you think you're being progressive but all you're doing is being racist. you HAVE to care about mixed people and yes that includes light skinned, white passing mixed people. cope.

[ninatheelf]

embracing the unknown :

“jump head on, into the abyss. let the universe catch you and take you where you’re meant to go.” -esther t.

possible blockage identification + motivation!

— — — — — — — — ✿ — — — — — — — —

shifting is a concept that you shouldn’t blame yourself for not understanding at first. i mean, it goes against everything that most people have been taught when it comes to how we perceive things and generally how our minds work. it literally unlocks a whole other part of yourself that seems too good to be true. it’s like this element of magic that has been added into your life.

obviously, now you know that shifting is very much a real thing, that you have participated in it during every second of every day before you even became aware of it. your inner thoughts and feelings form the physical plane that your body experiences. you are constantly shifting, constantly assuming things about your reality (on a conscious and subconscious level) that make it manifest into exactly what you physically perceive. you are fully aware that you have the power to change how you experience things, just by changing your assumptions and persisting in them without doubting yourself. it really is that simple!

i’ve seen a few posts on here about how some may have a fear of shifting- it totally makes sense for one to be afraid that they won’t make it, or afraid that they will make it. but there’s also another fear that one might come across, one that might have slipped into their subconscious without realizing it.

humans often fear what they do not understand. 

it’s a trait that ultimately has to do with our survival instincts. things that are not familiar to us can be viewed by our animal brains as dangerous and something we need to avoid. that behavior can present itself in a range of different ways, from screaming and running away from a person dressed as a zombie in a haunted house, to avoiding a person who says things you disagree with, to fearing a concept subconsciously because it lacks “important” information. 

and that’s not to say that we always immediately reject something that is unusual to us. in fact, we can also often be allured by the novel, becoming curious about it and wanting to learn more because of the fact that it is different. 

i think that many of us can / have experienced a combination of these feelings with shifting. i know i have. we are so drawn in by this concept, willing to put time and effort into it to study the laws and practices and philosophy of it all. and yet, there will always be parts of shifting that we cannot fully grasp.

you have to learn that it is okay to not know everything. you have to learn to place trust into the unknown.

and that can be hard! because why would you trust in something you don’t fully understand? but what i’ve realized is that those who are willing to dive into it headfirst, placing trust in the shift without any knowledge about it, are often the ones who succeed fastest. that’s why all of those people back in 2020 shifted within two weeks of learning about it- they didn’t give themselves time to question how it all works, they just did it. they didn't have to know about loa or inducing pure consciousness or the 3d or 4d or any of that. they weren’t afraid to literally just go for it, with likely some vague (if any) visualization and no other expectation than, “i’ll wake up at hogwarts tomorrow, why not?” they spent time doing instead of thinking about doing. that is how real progress is made.

and once again, that’s not to say that you shouldn’t keep yourself from learning if you want to learn. you can and probably should take some time to find out what works for you as an individual because shifting is so incredibly personal. i took the time to learn about loa, to gain some basic knowledge about it (+ a little more because i find it interesting haha) and it completely changed my mindset. but you also have to remember that you’ll never learn how to ride a bike if you only read books about riding a bike. some pre-existing knowledge about bike riding doesn't hurt to have, but in order to actually ride the bike, you have to grasp the handlebars, place your feet on the pedals, and go for it- even if you’re a little scared, even if you might have some unanswered questions. 

i promise you that even though there are parts of shifting that we can’t explain, it doesn’t matter. you are able to shift without understanding it all. you are able to shift because of the fact that you trust both in the strategy that you do know (loa) and the “how” of it all that we aren’t able to fully grasp.

anyways, all of this is to say- channel your inner elsa. let yourself use a combination of your own ice power (loa, 4d) and that mysterious voice (the “how”) to guide you to your desired reality. 

some affirmations you can use to strengthen your relationship with the unknown :

i shift despite not knowing exactly how it works

i shift without knowing all of the answers 

i am happy to place trust in the unknown

i understand that the unknown is here to help me 

the unknown and i work together

i am grateful to the unknown

i shift even if i don’t fully understand the “how”

i shift as a result of fully believing in my assumptions and trusting the process

if you think this might be a blockage for you, you know the drill. repeat these (or just keep a mindset related to the affs.) and you’ll reprogram your subconscious to understand that there is nothing to be afraid of or confused by. you have everything you need to do this, and it’s all working in your favor, even the parts that you don’t understand!

— — — — — — — — ✿ — — — — — — — —

i’ve typed the word “unknown” so much that i can’t help but think of the original character from that cursed willy wonka experience-

“what is that…it's the unknown! :,0” (pls tell me you get the reference lmao)

except in this instance, we are not going to be the kid that cries right after. we’re gonna be the child that runs up to the unknown and gives it a hug and sees that it’s not a bad guy after all! 

if you have any questions, feel free to submit them in the “ask me anything” section. i’m always happy to answer and give advice! :))

𝜗𝜚

[codekira]

Rant about Robocar Poli ( Unpopular opinions and I probably might get cancelled for this)

With the help of my boyfriend, I found out about this show called “Robocar Poli”. Eventually, I found myself getting hooked into the show, not for its artistic value or its target audience, but simply because of how fun and childlike it is. I mean, it’s just another generic cute little show for babies that doesn’t warrant an extended fanbase!

And then I found out about its fan domain.

Needless to say, I was surprised to see the number of fans this silly little children’s play had. It’s not uncommon for the rarest of media material to garner attention by the common folk. But as I scroll through the pages of fanmade art, roleplays, writing, or simply awkward rambling, I began to notice a few gripes that I had. Something that made me say “What? They can’t be serious!”. Something that made me flip the table in confusion.

Friends, let’s journey through the trudge of unpopular, popular, or controversial opinions that I have to get out of my chest. I know many are going to disagree, and that is fine. I am simple here to piss you off about my opinions or make you jump in joy for having the same opinions as me. It goes both ways. And remember, hate all you want, I don’t care. I have a life to live, and making this long-winded rant is simply a sidequest from living. And for those who say “Oh! It’s just a kidshow! Stop overthinking and overanalyzing it!” This is the internet. Not everything had to go through your 14 paragraphs of made up rules.

A special thanks to my boyfriend for encouraging me to voice out my thoughts and opinions about this particular matter and for helping me format this post.

THE RESCUE TEAM IS OVERRATED

Let’s start with the elephant in the room. the titular characters of Robocar Poli, the Broomstown Rescue Team. They are fawned upon by the citizens of their little town. And it seemed to have translated to the fanbase as well. Which is understandable, they are the protagonists and the main focus of the show. My only gripe is… how can people find them interesting?

To me, they seem like every generic main characters who are nice and kind and friendly to everyone. Except for Helly, who sticks out like a sore thumb for being slightly different with his playful personality. Still, they are boring to me. Nothing about them screams “Oh, this sounds like a character I am bound to be interested in!” Nothing. There is nothing to work with here.

I would even argue thst the side characters have more personality to them than the so called “main characters”. Atleast they don’t bore me every time they are on screen.

Sure, you can just make up your own bullshit for them in the long run. Headcanons in the fandom run around like rats, to the point some of them are considered canon by the community. An example of this is Poli being associated with space.

I stand with my point.

THE MISCHARACTERIZATIONS

First, Poli having a fear of caterpillars/bugs. If you’re going to add personality to the void of a character that is Poli, don’t just give him one trait and work off of it!

Around the fandom, I keep seeing Roy getting treated like a manchild. It just irks me. Not that it matters though, every fanbase has that. And I keep seeing him depicted as this “soft uwu boy” and holy shit can that archetype die already? He’s a grown man for God’s sake!

THE SIDE CHARACTERS ARE BETTER

Now this… this is the one i’m going to get hated on. Bear with me here. Where do I even begin with this?

I keep seeing people shit on the side characters for being “annoying” and “idiotic” but they couldn’t be more enjoyable. They are so full of life compared to the excuses for main characters. Watching them thrash around the screen has sent more reactions out of me than any focus they have attempted to place onto the rescue team. At least they have more traits that can be considered unique!

Also, they deserve far more recognition than what the fandom gives them. They get glossed over really quickly and it pisses me the fuck off. The rescue team live off of fanmade headcanons and backstories and they live off of their appearance on the show. See the difference?

I HATE CLEANY

This will ruin my already ruined image so bad… This character pushes me over the edge for how frugal and whiny he can get. I hate his overbearing voice. I hate his incredibly timid personality. I hate how everyone is so kind towards him and how I just want to shout at his face.

—

Remember, this is my opinion.

I might post more of these in the future, if I have the ciursge to get myself trashed again. Feel free to voice your own thoughts as well. I will be reading with glee. Codekira out.

[hiimcanadia]

There's a lot of posts out there reminding people that they don't have to respond to every stupid post they see but I feel like it's worth saying that you also don't have to finish reading the post once you've realized it's stupid. Easily one of my favorite things about the internet is the ability to get like two sentences into a post and go "actually I think you're wrong" and then just stop reading.

[gingermintpepper]

I continue to be in the foulest of moods so here are some Zeus + Apollo headcanons because they make me happy :)

(Important note: this is largely specific to my original work and is not me making inferences from mythical or historical texts)

Zeus and Apollo spar. Like a lot. Like a lot. A big reason why Apollo gets so good at boxing is because he usually sparred with his father as a young god and getting hit with one of Zeus' punches is!! Not advisable. He focused on becoming fleet-footed to combat Zeus' more solid fighting style which was definitely helped by his dancing. Conversely, Hermes would later develop wrestling partially as a response to Apollo's annoying fleet-footedness in combat.

Zeus decides to tie his mind to Apollo's when the strain of Apollo's visions become too intense for him to handle alone. When Apollo first returns from his exile after slaying Python, his visions are so severe that he suffered from 'time-blindness' where he could only percieve the future and was completely unable to see the present. Zeus shoulders some of that strain until Apollo becomes strong enough to handle prophecy on his own - though Zeus is careful not to give Apollo absolute prophecy lest he get overwhelmed again.

Despite their closeness, or maybe because of it, Zeus and Apollo argue quite a lot. Usually it's banal things like administrative work or squabbling over which of them should get the larger portion of a hecatomb, but they do argue about how prophecies should be carried out quite frequently too. There's a general agreement for Zeus not to bring up Apollo's children after how messy Aristaeus' anointing was (and how angry Apollo was at Zeus' disagreement with his decision to make his firstborn son a god) but the odd occasion where it cannot be avoided is usually when they have their most grave spats.

One of Zeus' greatest regrets is his relationship with Ares, partially because Ares grows up seeing him dote and teach Apollo with his full attention. There is... a lot of himself that he sees in Ares. A lot of Kronos too and the part of Zeus that is a warrior before he is a king has done his best to keep the boy at arms length entirely because of that familiarity with the face staring back at him. It's another of the things he and Apollo have argued ceaselessly about. Naturally, Apollo has attempted to bridge that gap many times and while Ares is still quite close with Artemis, when it comes to Apollo, he is particularly sensitive.

Zeus is the one that ultimately decided that Apollo should never marry. Due to Apollo's love-curse and his already concerning tendency to be overly attached and committed to his mortal affairs and offspring, Zeus decided that marriage would be doom to Apollo's spirit and proclaimed him unfit for the ceremony and its status. Instead of the expected argument, everyone was quite surprised when Apollo merely bowed his head and accepted such an outrageous decision.

[wisteria-html]

Ok. I’m going to start by saying that I’m ignoring everything that happened after this, because Birdie and Chris are my friends and I worry it would color this interaction. So. For the moment I am only considering this specific post for my response.

To start, thank you for apologizing. I accept it but as I said I can’t forgive you yet. I want to and I will work towards it but I’m not there yet. Nonetheless you saying that means a lot to me, and I accept your apology.

I have been acting excessively vitriolic and I’ve admitted that. I believe multiple times, though I don’t have the energy to go back and check. It’s not entirely your fault. The way you left suddenly without a true goodbye genuinely triggered me about something that happened a few months ago in my personal life. More than anything it was a shock, I thought I was safe here with all of you and suddenly it was happening again. I was at a Christmas party talking about what had happened a few months ago when I got the notification from Chris telling me you left. I know you tried to say goodbye, but I never saw it. I didn’t even get to hear it from you. Since then I’ve watched you hurt my friends (whether you meant to or not) and that just made me more angry. I’ll admit I wasn’t being entirely fair. I’m not used to being angry. I don’t know how to deal with it. If I’ve been excessively harsh I’m genuinely sorry. I just didn’t know how else to deal with this.

You’re right. You were able to be contacted. It didn’t seem like you wanted to, though, and I wasn’t going to push. A few months ago I was told to never contact who I thought was my best friend again. I got an impersonal goodbye and a boundary set. That day I decided not to beg people to have me in their life. I refuse to beg people to care about me. That’s what it felt like. And I didn’t have the energy to follow you down whatever hole you were digging yourself. Whether that’s accurate or not is up for debate, but that’s how I was viewing things in the moment.

That’s also why I was hesitant to step in with the hag, by the way. With the book, before I was cursed you knew I cared about you and wanted you around. You could assume the change in behavior was due to the curse. With you, I genuinely didn’t know whether you were enchanted or not because you left before you met her. I had no idea whether you wanted my help and again, I was not going to push. I’m sorry if that made you lose faith in me. I just couldn’t do that to myself.

Deleting that tumblr blog was a lot actually. I feel like you’re minimizing it and I can’t tell if that’s accidental or not. In deleting that, you deleted all evidence of a lot of our interactions, as well as half of our conversations (in the tags). It was like suddenly you and our past was completely inaccessible. All I had was what I had reblogged and even that was unfinished. Not only did you take yourself from me, you took a lot of the memories of you too. That’s your choice, I get it. But it did hurt more than you think.

Finally, I disagree with your last point. Sure if friends never trust each other then it won’t work, but there is absolutely space to rebuild broken trust in a friendship. I don’t know if that’s the route we’re heading (not because I hate you or am still furious, just other factors), but it is possible. I truly believe that. I think that anything can be rebuilt, even if it takes a while to be as strong as it was before. Sometimes it’s better to cut losses, but other times it’s worth it.

I wanna explain where my head is at for a bit now. It feels mean to say I don’t trust you, but I think it’s true. I wish it wasn’t, but every time we talk I’m so scared you’re going to leave without a trace again. If I open myself up to you and it happens again I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Not the way it happened before, without real closure. When I say I wouldn’t be able to handle it, I mean it: I think I would genuinely leave this little community. Certainly for longer than two weeks. And it’s not entirely your fault I feel this way, but right now my interactions with you are colored by my fear. Fear that it will all be for nothing in the end.

I think I still love you. I know I still care about you. I know I miss you. I hope you feel the same about me. I think that at this point we just both have to think about where we’re heading and if those paths are aligned or if they’re diverging.

Mavis,

I don't regret punching your nerd face, and I will do it again. Birdie, I'm unhappy with you, you rushed into something stupid, and took all my friends with you and then blamed me for your actions. As far as I'm concerned we are not on good terms. You knew Chris shouldn't have exposed himself to the cult and you were a bad friend and family member. You also enabled the killing of countless innocents with Alex. Wisteria, I am sorry for abandoning you, it was heat of the moment and it was the wrong choice. But, I told everyone where I went the day of, and you've acted excessively vitriolic towards me. I was not unable to be contacted, I deleted a tumblr blog. I still stand by the idea that if both parties are unable to trust each other, we can not meaningfully be friends. Chris,

I was deeply hurt by your actions, but I also acted selfishly and dramatically. It wasn't your fault birdie acted rashly, you were just trying to help your (stupid) family. The bog thing was bad, and the hag thing isn't an excuse. I want to make it up to you, and I've missed you this whole time. I understand that I've been bad to you, but I also want to say, a lot of it was not intended to be cruel. I am... kind of stupid. I hope I can make it up to you one day. Alexandria, Fuck you Alex.

[fasolabean]

warninggg this is a long one ,,,

(Okay so I started writing this uhhh vent before more posts on the n//fts appeared later so plz keep that in mind hah)

So I haven’t been too active on here for the past month – a bit personal start, but I’ve moved to a different country whooo!!!! (its terrifying) (my brains been involved in fandom stuff as usual but physically I wasn’t lmao).

But I wanted to talk ab the n//ft (censoring bc idk ab bots here) thing bc while some people on here provided some great context and threads, most of the talk has happened on twitter. So like. Since it was first confirmed what the raffle thing was I was veryyyy disappointed, especially bc K has made fun of this very thing on stage previously. And like yea, the nature of what hes doing is different than the n//ft crypt0 scams, since the cost of the paywalled content is set and not fluid and the raffle thing was free to enter, and I know there have been threads about the website not being the worst on twitter (link) (edit: now here on tumblr too). But still man. Both of these could’ve been done on either an independent website or through stuff like youtube members or patreon. Or hell, even just on the merch store? Like buy a promo code that buys you access to the material?

Also like I get that this was probably a contract that would be rly hard if not impossible to terminate. STILL though, I wish we just got an even short thing like “hi sorry I wasn’t aware this is gonna be a one time thing we’re not doing it again”. I don’t mind extra content being paywalled personally, I know some people do, but I just really wish it wasn’t don’t with that technology. And yes, I also now know it’s a safer way to handle shit like that but I just cant see this excuse being used for commercial use? Like maybe I can see why I could be made to use it for like idk an important document, but a raffle ticket? Nah

I also, ugh. Felt weird about mikke in the team since the winter. This whole thing seems to be – at least to a large extent – either done or influenced by him, judging by even the fact that the europass thingy webpage has oy photomikke marked (no im not buying it but i did look around curiosity was stronger). Also the previous thing that had made me go hmmm about käärijä as a brand was the bnb, which now seems to be ran entirely by mikke and his wife. Like stick to your photos man? That being said tho, Jere IS an adult and he IS the face of this brand. If he doesn’t think hes qualified to make business decisions all by himself (which I get, this shit is hard), nothing is stopping him really from getting a professional to help him with those things. And if there IS something stopping him then hey man I think you should go to the press with that lol. From any interviews ive seen or read, you can feel he feels this responsibility to keep his friends and family that initially helped him afloat. But I wish he understood that not letting people who in the end are not professional about business and PR and having them stick to their own thing does not have to mean cutting them off.

But now I just wanna share a thought that to some might seem like me defending him – which, in case you didn’t get I am very much not lmao. The thing is, im really glad the fandom is able to call him out on a shitty thing – like a bad baaad business decision. You can like somebody’s art, hell you can even like the public person they are, while not agreeing with everything what they do. What annoys me though, is that apart of the kä fandom, he is also often talked about (usually negatively) in the wider esc fandom. Over the past week I’ve seen multiple threads on twitter from people that rarely ever mention him about this. That would’ve been like, not that much of a deal (though sometimes it really got… engagement bait-y) but the amount of bodyshaming and shaming of his fans that comes up with every valid criticism is making me wanna pull my hair out.

Especially cause he’s neither the first finnish esc-related artist to do that (Robin and Cyan Kicks are mentioned on the kollekt website) nor is he the first esc artist of his influence to do it either. Last year Loreen and Alessandra have released n//fts last year, and Loreen did a very similar raffle a couple months ago. Now I wanna be very clear: I don’t want this to be like. Cancelling these people, that would be so hypocritical of me. I also don’t want this to be like a fandom war like oh youre mad he did xyz?? Well THIS and THIS person did THAT!!1! I’m just merely annoyed that these people doing essentially the same thing went with no echo at all, but now I’ve seen us (the fandom) be literally called the r slur and the most vile things being said about jere and, for some reason, his appearance???

Idk man. I really try to  make it clear im not trying to excuse his decisions and I think being angry and/or disappointed at him is absolutely understandable. Im just angry that every single time he fucks up, every single time he makes a mistake, my timeline is filled with a wave of people rejoicing in it. I know he’s a controversial figure, he’s been one since day one, but I just wish he’s gotten the same amount of shit his peers do for the same actions? And this happens every time, and each time im like “well ig I can see why hes so bad when it comes to criticism”. Because imagine doing a thing that your peers have done with no/minimal criticism and then the moment you try it out you get people calling your fans slurs and commenting how stupid you are. Like ngl id also think any criticism was hate lmao.

Again I wanna be very VERY clear im very critical ab what he chose to do. I wish he took some responsibility – and hope he maybe does, at some point in the future. This year has been a whole lot of bad business decisions for the käärijä brand in my eyes, and I hope he can actually see where its gone wrong and do something about it, both for his and our sake. I am also happy to see fellow fans who are able to call out their fave. But man I am TIRED of him just getting all the shit (from people who very visibly fans are not)?? And now I have the proof that it is comparably more than other people and not just my bias towards him because wdym there’s been at least 4 esc artists, 2 of which more famous than him, and 2 umk artists doing exactly the same thing with almost no echo??

TLDR (thishasover1kwordsfuckshit); I wish he did better, simply. I kinda cling to some hope that maybe hey finally this time he will see that criticism can be constructive. I think this is still a level of fucking up that you can like, come back from. Pity it’s connected to the eurotour since kinda souring my excitement ab my first concert in a new country a bit :(

[oceanwithouthermoon]

imo everyone who insists that saikis life was perfect and he was a spoiled brat complaining about nothing are just purposefully ignoring and misinterpreting the whole manga simply because they like other characters better and want to make up scenarios to make their fav seem like a precious little victim in every situation

its hard to explain but i see it happen a lot with specifically people who have dedicated accounts for other characters and constantly misattribute every issue to "saikis such a baby, my character has it way worse!" "saiki hurt my babys feelings once so i hate him!" "saikis such a spoiled brat, my baby has a way shittier life and never complains about it!" "saiki hurt my poor precious fav once so hes an abusive monster!"

and said "shittier life" that they "never complain" about is either the persons headcanons (literally made up) or... the character DOES complain about it and the person takes those words at FACE VALUE but ignores everything else, including things that actually HAPPEN right in front of our eyes

[al-luviec]

compiled whatever this is (and I run out of tag space)

meh HoT gifs (3/?)

[starmist]

I genuinely believe Naksu haunts the narrative. Her actions and existence as Naksu heavily impact the entire story. Her past, the life she lived and the shadow of it in Mudeok. But we don't actually know any of it because Naksu is not in the story.

Like. What she lost as Cho Yeong is something that we are never allowed to forget, the loss of her body, her powers, her freedom, and her impending death as a soul shifter hangs over Mudeok's head like guillotine.

All the while we don't actually know the Shadow Assassin Naksu, she died in the first episode, as soon as the story began. Other than training and killing (soul shifters) what kind of person was she when she didn't have to rely on another person else or hide or live as someone else? We don't know and we don't ever learn any of that.

Still, her absence is the plot, yet her former existence as Naksu influences everything; Yul's actions and what she was to him, Jang Uk's goal of returning her powers, the revelation of soul shifters to Park Jin, Jang Gang's departure, Jin Mu's accomplishments, the King's Star even.

Everything is about her existence but she doesn't actually exist at all anymore.

[limnsaber]

Actually I’d argue that the only reason Scully’s abduction wasn’t worse for Mulder than Samantha’s was because she was returned shortly thereafter. Mulder didn’t even really recollect what had happened to Samantha after she disappeared— he just had a gaping hole in his life. With Scully, though, he knew exactly what had happened, and he witnessed it. The entire time Scully was gone he was lost and deeply depressed. He blamed himself for Sam, but I think he blamed himself for Scully more.

[novantinuum]

continually annoyed by how every single post i've seen supporting the notion that "the journal pages in BoB were fakes" just feels like thinly veiled anti material

[leek-e]

My designs for the characters from We Object To Fear :) I love this show a lot and have watched it many times.

In order they are Matthew and his mum, Brian and Clark (prosecution), Alicia and Spencer (defence), and Xander and his unnamed friend (pre-trial).

[starryoak]

I think the reason I differ from a lot of Akechi fans (and I am sincerely a fan!) is that I don’t find his backstory all that sad or for that matter interesting. It might be because I see it more interesting analyzed as a warped reflection of Ken Amanda’s backstory rather than a unique story of its own. And his plan, I find it pathetic more than anything else, sad only in its level of sheer stupidity, shortsightedness and miserable ineffectuality of self obsessed teenager-hood. But that’s what’s compelling about it and him! in my eyes, what’s interesting and unique about his character and has the potential to tell new stories that haven’t been done before has nothing to do with his pain or his redemption, except when kept in conversation with the undeniable fact that his plan was an ass-backwards idiotic and selfish plan fueled on nothing but spite by a deeply self-centered child who grew into an egotistical young adult without any reckoning of how completely stupid and impossible it all was.