#i just wanted to vent out my feelings
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continually annoyed by how every single post i've seen supporting the notion that "the journal pages in BoB were fakes" just feels like thinly veiled anti material
#i didn't spend this long being constantly shamed for enjoying the messed up fictional possibilities of billford#just for people to turn around and tell me that every single scrap of everything even potentially supporting my fannish interests is Fake#anyways this post Cannot be reblogged i am not interested in this breaching containment nor am i interested in debating#i just wanted to vent out my feelings#if you disagree that's your business#feel free to scroll onwards in peace#nova rambles#but g o d. i've had to unfollow or blacklist or block SO many people because of this.#it's so disheartening.#it just seems like people are Once Again treating characters as real people instead of fictional tools.#like yeah sure project your personal story onto a character as a means to try and heal#but i PROMISE you that someone in the corner shipping billford isn't a threat to that. stanford pines the character does not care#because stanford pines the character has no feelings.#there is No Need to 'debunk' everyone else's fun time like god#which is what this feels like. it feels like some people are trying to go 'HAH told you' and prove that the pages are fake#and i do not like that energy#like i don't care if people have these opinions in the comfort of their own brains#but it feels Weird to be constantly CONSTANTLY posting about it and trying to 'prove' it
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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Constantly torn between my desire to convert and the crushing weight of knowing that I won’t be able to exist in the wider fandom spaces that I love without being constantly reminded that Jews are always guilty until proven innocent post-Oct 7.
#Jk the bleak realization has already set in!#I just. God I just know I’m gonna have to process a whole new cultural trauma and it’s gonna suck because post October 7 it’s inescapable#Like I’ll see a popular creator I look up to for T/ADC stuff suddenly post that fucking chant out of nowhere & I have to choose between#Leaving bc that person obviously doesn’t look for Jewish perspectives bc of bias or staying and marinating in my disillusionment#I mean I’m already feeling the disillusionment no point not going through with it#Sorry I’m not trying to be a nihilist I’m just venting bc I’m really done#Jewish Convert#Prospective Convert#Jumblr#Vent#My Post#Leftist Antisemitism#Okay to reblog#I mean not sure why you would but you can if you want
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I don't hold grudges, that anger feeds into self-loathing instead.
#messyr#vent art#vent post#just confusing things I wanted to get out#as much as i want to 'hate' them- i cant#no matter how bad they get- i always forgive them and it hurts. But why does it feel wrong to feel hurt- that i'm not supposed to feel hurt#my mind has been altered so much idfk what to think and feel abt sometimes LMAO#one of those birds in a gilded cage AHAHA#learned helplessness#bpd#sometimes i wonder if i get out of this cycle of abuse
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A wilting flower is not always beyond healing. It'll just take time.
#a small doodle! Just a little one! Wanted to draw but also didnt want to draw but also needed to draw#you know? idk if that makes any sense#dont mind me-#if anyone is worried I am okay please dont take this as some big vent or anything!#just art I needed to get out of my head. Ya kno??? nothin crazy!!!#anyway anyway im gonna go play a game or something!!! Drink water. Eat a snack! Sit down in some quiet for a moment#Yall should do that too! You! Drink water! Eat something! Sit and be calm for a moment.#welcome home oc#dandy leon#I always feel bad tagging my art of dandy alone with the welcome home tags??? uh-#my art#sketches
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Hey, Hunter!
Aside from the chronic back pain, what other long lasting symptoms did you have from the Rot, if any?
((Okay! So my attempt to answer this somehow developed into a rant about Hunter’s characterization so… here you go lol.))
So I have to answer this on Hunter’s behalf, because part of his character is that he doesn’t like to admit any sort of weakness. Apart from chronic pain, I essentially just gave him the symptoms of low iron. He gets light headed and dizzy, and he is often tired or low energy.
Hunter has this mindset that being weak, or showing weakness makes you useless. (I wonder what could have possibly made him develop that way of thinking. Surely nothing to do with the way he was raised and treated growing up.) Keep in mind, Hunter’s very logical logic only applies to him. He wouldn’t judge Survivor for not being strong, Hunter just has unhealthy expectations of himself that definitely aren’t realistic anymore with his post-rot symptoms, and were never actually that realistic to begin with.
He has a habit of ignoring his own symptoms, and pretending to be perfectly fine when he isn’t. He’d never admit it if his chronic pain is making it difficult for him to function properly.
(His physical health is one thing, but don’t even get me started on how Hunter views his mental health lmao.)
Uhhh anyways bonus light headed/dizzy Hunter:
#Rw siblings au#Rw Hunter#Me when I PROJECT#I have low iron#I also feel genuine fear/panic when I hear the word ‘whining’ lmfao#Noooooo I’m not weak at all#Let me go for this run even though I’m light headed because I don’t want anyone to think I’m trying to get out of running#And then why don’t I faint on the road like a dumbass#But hey at least nobody accused me of making my condition up for attention or something#Like I’m scared they would have if I’d tried to sit out of the run#Haters (my parents) be like:#“Stop whining! Suck it up! You’re being dramatic!” 😡😡😡#And then I faint and suddenly my mom’s all:#“Why don’t you ever take care of yourself???” 🥺🥺🥺 “if you were light headed you should have told somebody!!!” 🥺🥺🥺#Like UGHHHH shut up it’s your fault I’m like this#I’m gonna shut up now I just realized I’ve been venting in the tags lmfao#Anyways I love projecting on the sillies#Gotta be one of my favourite hobbies
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mascot
#this isnt vent dw!!! i dont smoke either i was just kinda going for some sort of vibe#i know its usually played for laughs or like. dark humor whenever ppl draw mascots without their heads and u can see the actor#but i always found it fascinating and a little sobering. ever since i was a kid ive always been hyperaware of ppl in costumes#like. even if i tried to block it out id be thinking the whole time 'its not real. theres a person in that suit who gets paid to do this'#it used to be an uncomfortable nagging feeling but now its like. oh yeah theres someone with a whole life story doing this. idk#i think when i tell ppl im not conscious of my body its like. im not dysphoric or experience dissociation but. at the same time#it feels like my physical body doesnt fully outwardly represent me..?? like some sort of costume#i like to phrase it as being a giant hairless mecha and inside theres a very tiny puppy piloting the damn thing#and the other thing is. when i draw my sona i dont really see it as what i /wish/ i looked like or how i want people to see me#its like being in a costume and just. fucking around with some sort of barrier between myself and others#plus mascots arent allowed to talk and i dont really. engage with other ppl in public spaces that it kinda feels like ad lib#i share a lot abt my life but ironically im also a private person..... i guess it just gives me some sort of control over my identity#my art#myart#my oc#sona#mascot#furry#??? is this furry art????#twinkle#puppysona#edit: had to outline it bc i just realized it looks really weird on dark mode -_-
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anyone else profoundly tired
#i feel so fucking hopeless for my future as an artist#i don't want to#but i do#it feels like fucking everything is against us#there's an aching exhaustion in my bones that english can't describe#ok to reblog#i dont care#hopefully some other artists out there will feel solidarity#sorry for the negativity#vent#negative#im just so tired and sick to my stomach
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the pressure fandom right now
#pressure#roblox pressure#pressure roblox#pressure game#pressure sebastian#sebastian pressure#sebastian solace#sebastian roblox#Like bro I have never felt this much “pressure”🤪 with fandom drama before like#like holy hell#I just feel mixed feelings about this entire situation#Like one second I see someone talking shit about the dev team and the fandom while trying to Spread a false Narrative#About zerum and then I see someone defending the dev team and the fandom#Or seeing people deconstruct this entire Situation and just boil it done to people being childish about someone else's character and#Boundaries or I'm seeing horror stories about zerum and zeal and other dev members getting doxxed and harassed#And then I'm seeing people getting pissy about the whole thing because of shipping drama or I'm seeing people calling zeal out for#ableism or something else entirely#Like I get where people are coming from with this#This isn't the only time people got mad at a character for put boundaries on their character#And I know it would be the last time unfortunately#I'm not trying to defend zeal or zerum nor am I trying to get people to hurt them#I just feel awful about this whole thing and it's just a reminder to stick to smaller fandoms where people are less vocal ig#ok i'm done yapping#Selfshippers live your best life#And I hope the rest of the dev team recovers from this and try to learn how to be more Professional#Once again#I'm not trying to defend anyone I'm just confused and scared of this whole thing#I just wanted to make silly crossover art with sebastian and not have the fear of someone coming into my inbox or dms with my full name#For once :(#thank you for coming to my semi vent ted talk about the current pressure fandom issue
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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#tried rlly hard to shade this like skin blender idk but gave up and just half toned it#my shading is shit and I can’t draw astarion for shit#man i hate realism#why do i keep trying to do it#anyways i hate the way this came out but i feel bad for not posting today#my art#art#digital art#sketch#astarion#astarion bg3#bg3 astarion#bg3#baldur’s gate 3#bg3 fanart#bg3 art#baldur’s gate iii#concept art#i should stop comparing my art to other’s bcs everytime i try to change my artstyle and force myself to draw in a new style i fail and die#the way i pick up art styles is just fun experimentation and somehow never made by studying other people’s artstyle#im not ready for my holiday to end but at the same time i feel like most of my bad thoughts are generated by too much free time#so mayhaps losing my free will for like 12 hours a weekday will fix my sads so uhhh#idk man#nobody reads these tags so i can say whatever i want#if you’re reading this uhhh#sorry you had to read me vent in an shitty astarion doodle post
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sick(?)
#messyr#doodle#vent art#?? well not really! just skl#coping through drawing bc its what keeps me from rotting in bed#my body cant keep up fjdshzhl and i just feel worse every time i try to 'function' even as basic tasks it makes me want to throw up AAAAH#this artist does not KNOW how to take care of themselves help help help help fsdjxhf#how am i supposed to fkin tell my dad nor my relatives im just so- PHYSICALLY- and MENTALLY TIRED without it perceived as lazy or an excuse#same goes to my professors bc ive been missing out ALOT in school lately and my classmates are also probably wondering where the hell I am#( group activities etc etc i want to km s - I've failed TWO MAJOR SUBJECTS BC OF HOW IVE BEEN DOING-AAAAAAAAAH)#if not physically then its my noisy ass brain that spirals me into depressive episodes where I literally cant do jackshit about
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my frustration with the bsd fandom is that their bias hatred towards mori causes them to be stubborn in not analyzing mori's character at all. yes, he has done bad shit, but 80% of the characters has as well. bsd is a morally gray world. they simplify him to "pedo sadist that fiddles children" like just wtf. the sa dazai headcanon and theories spread around and shown in the fics are just so disgusting and triggering. you're taking such an intersting, mysterious, and well written character and painting him as the source of every problem in the BSD universe (basically making him a scapegoat). it's illogical and stupid. you're allowed to dislike characters, just appreciate how well written they are and don't simplify them down/mischaracterize them due to your contempt towards them.
#tw: mentions of sa#ive just seen so many fics of mori being this big bad wolf that tortures skk and its just so against his character#so i wanted to let my feelings out#rant post#bsd#bsd fandom#bungou stray dogs#mori ougai#vent post#port mafia#rant about fandom#sorry had to get my feelings out
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my bad for not adding skizz won't happen again
#i didnt forget him I promise I don't know why I left him out#i love zkizz this is a sin I should repent or something#tt#i think its cause I don't have a good design for him and this was a lower effort drawing and i cant just draw him normally#he has to be weird and fucked up u know#and I've drawn him a lot but I didn't want to put in the energy at the moment#same as to why they arnt laughing in this drawing#cause I can't just slap an XD face on them and call it a day cause their poses would look weirdly stiff#then I would have to complicate the poses and I didn't feel like doind that cause I'm lazy#no its cause I spent a lot of my drawing energy earlier and I didn't want to burn out so I cut a few corners#i dont know where the line is sometimes#what's low effort and what's me trying to take it easy#I hope this doesn't come off as me venting I'm trying to reflect haha#anyways silly skizz doodle#this should inspire me to stay up a little later to do a few skizz designs tho#wegh
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Tw: Vent
Okay so i might be a little disconnected these days. Um, my boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) we broke up and he already like someone else, like we broke up 3 days ago, and our relationship was 1 year and a half long, makes me feel like it didn’t mean anything. I’ve been crying for the past few hours, I have all my room full of gifts from him, 2 plushies he made for me, and I still have all my feelings, hurting me. I just really don’t know what to do, this was my longest relationship, I lost half of my friends because of this, I feel like everybody hates me and I just feel so alone in general. Worst things happened to me in the past and I’m still here but it still feels like the worst time of my life tbh. I feel like a foolish, so lonely, not worthy of love and replaceable. I know I deserve someone better but I just thought he was perfect and he just wasn’t, which makes me feel like a loser. I hope I can find someone better, someone who actually stays and it’s worthy of my love and time, and not waste it again
#sorry guys#I need this#I said before this is my safe place#you don’t have to say anything like if you don’t want to say anything don’t do it#I just wanna let this out#and try to feel better#vent#personal vent#maze runner fandom
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