#i just cant remember any more right now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lovelyrotter · 3 months ago

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can ppl in this fandom like... stop... implying that transmasculinity in hcs or (especially) canon is shallow or misogynistic or even transmisogynistic on princible, like literally just by being prescent in someones mind or in the text. like that doesnt fuckin feel good. thats kind of really nasty to imply. if its not okay to say about other trans experiences, maybe dont say it about this one either. why is there a weird little exception here. yall KNOW how much that sucks to hear all day every day. what the fuck

#my t #idk how to tell the hs fandom that every piece of trans coding in roxy in hs1 can be read as transmasc too. like transfem and transmasc #at the same time from the EXACT same reasons. its almost like we all share experiences just by way of being trans. weird i know #its almost like being trans rlly truly highlights what it is to be human and how we are all in fact at the end of the day human together #i just want everyone to stop trying to 'poke holes' in other fans trans hcs FULL STOP across the board no matter who they are #or what the hc is. its needlessly hurtful and more often than not trips into real peoples dysphoria which then #makes the target more likely to lash out. so the person poking them abt it can do a ''SEE? THEYRE ALL MEAN ONE OF THEM #WAS MEAN TO ME JUST NOW'' routine. its so obviously a 'im not touching u!!!' playground maneuver like holy fuck grow up #if you wanna fight for transfem/me folks right to just exist random fans personal headcanons is not the fuckin time or place #the XY in roxys name could be read as her having been DMAB or it could be hussie having a long running giggle about him preordering #his own transmasculinity. roxys colour being pink could be bc shes a girl or it could be compcis!!!#roxys desperation for a bf is from loneliness in canon but its often read as her feeling like she needs one to be a real girl #it can ALSO be read as another aspect of him struggling with compcis and comphet esp w/ his fantasies abt being 'a mother'#yknow what i never fuckin see that rlly highlights the fact that this is just a shitty 'girls rule boys drool' thing? theres like. no #discussions on the potential of roxy being any kinda intersex. absolutely none. he could be mtftm for all you fuckin know #but oh yknow being mtftm is A Shallow Read so we cant have that. hs is only for girls didnt you know we need to terf- i mean turf #out every single instance of queer mascness bc its Evil in the text didnt you know #god help the fandoms word of god token trans boy dirk strider for 'choosing' his eternal misery while everyone else is enlightened #by way of transforming into a girl. bc we must place girlhood on an inhuman pedistal of perfection and niceness and joy and rainbows #like what IS this mahou shojo brand gender essentialism???? im fuckin sick of it #can we remember that girlhood isnt & wasnt safe or joyful for everyone & that that can translate into how we curate our fandom experiences

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ban--tam · 3 months ago

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yangtober day 1: ova yang

#yang wenli #legend of the galactic heroes #logh #lotgh #gineiden #as ever this guy is such a mood #and i cant believe it's october already.. wtf #ive literally never succeeded at completing any of these october prompt things but that hasn't stopped me from trying lol #i was looking for a more general logh prompt list but didn't see any so i will do this one!! who'd complain abt more yang anyway #maybe i'll be proactive and make a general logh prompt list for next time tho! if i remember (unlikely)#uhhh also guess who didn't read all the prompts and only realized day 8 is pajamas like. right now. oops #just means we get pajama yang twice so please look forward to it #arttag #yangtober 2024

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sonknuxadow · 6 months ago

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ive joked about it before but man i really am the only person on earth who remembers the gun commander is a character that exists arent i . because the other day when the shadow panel was happening and the voice actors were talking about their characters and how they were eachothers only friend and maria was completely isolated from other people i was like What about the gun commander . and i havent seen anyone else point the contradiction out . lmao

#okay well i cant find a video of the full panel so i cant recheck that they said those things but i swear they did i remember hearing it #for people who never played shadow the hedgehog and dont know what im talking about #its shown that one of the guys whos currently in charge at gun lived on the ark as a kid and was close friends with maria #but he hated shadow because he witnessed his creation and it scared him and he always blamed him for marias death #and its NOT one of those extremely minor details only hardcore fans would notice either . its shown in the main story #to be clear i dont even care about the gun commander as a character. hes one of the sonic characters i care about the least #i just cant help but notice people always forget about him when talking about stuff related to the ark #(like saying that maria didnt have any friends aside from shadow or that her and shadow were the only kids who lived there around that time #or that shadow was the only person who lived on the ark thats still alive)#i mean hes one of those things that wasnt in sa2/sonic x and was added in later so i guess its fair a lot of people forget. but lmao #now im wondering if sega forgot he existed or if the current voice actors just didnt know he existed in the first place #i think the second option is probably more likely because from the way they talked #it seemed like they dont really know muhc about the sonic lore aside from what theyre told about for upcoming projects #so maybe the gun commander just isnt relevant right now so they werent told about him?

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orcelito · 2 months ago

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I would like for life to stop hurting for a little while. Maybe. Pretty please.

#speculation nation #this sounds emo but im just in literal pain right now #geeze what a week this week has been. but i got through it.#thinking ahead... hm. i need to go back over my school stuff. i dont remember any huge deadlines due next week #and that cant be right. theres always Something.#oh right i do have an assignment due. tho it's not a huge one.#i have a project due the week after next week that i'll need to work on. but itll be mostly class time for that.#got another assignment for my persuasion project due... i think the week after next? wont be too hard tho.#and i need to really get to work on reading my books for gender communication. it's almost the end of october.#soooooo somehow i DONT have any huge deadlines this coming week. thats so strange and abnormal.#if i was responsible id work on my reading over the weekend. or do more cleaning.#but i'll be fucking honest kitten im at the end of my fucking rope #probably the sleep deprivation and hellish 9.5 day of bodily torture. i hurt.#i will feel more hopeful and happy go lucky later.#i keep trying to point at all the nice clean apartment to cheer myself up but i am just like. this is my torture chamber. no happy.#i will grab some food and then play the sims 2. and then i will feel better.

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readymades2002 · 2 months ago

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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff

#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like #even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it #that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK #literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT #i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less #and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are #(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question #before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor #its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit #half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers #honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom #i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work #even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more #but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard #if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars #but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready #to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark #which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt #all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with #its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what #and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us #our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money #the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion #and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much #850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off #its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what

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swagging-back-to · 6 months ago

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you can easily tell someone does not live with stomach issues when their go-to recommendation if you have no appetite/nausea is strongly flavored Japanese, Mexican, or indian food because it 'helps with digestion and is easy to get down!'

#even thinking of eating any of that shit rn is making me actually gag :)#and i eat exclusively east asian; indian; and latin american food. this isn't a white person going 'ew curry how gross'#i love that shit but if i attempted to eat it right now i would spew everywhere before i eveen got it into my mouth.#btw what i actually can stomach during periods like this is garlic rice (on the plainer side; not as heavily garlicked as i'd do normally)#WATER. i literally just chug water constantly when im sick #NOT TEA. do not try tea. you might think 'oh this is a bit more filling than water' but no. it will haunt you all day long.#tea is SO hard on your stomach you can get ulcers from it. dont try to drink tea when your stomach is acting up IT WILL ONLY HURT YOU.#and FRUIT. as in fresh fruit. not processed in any way. if it comes from a tree then even better.#some examples would be apples; peaches; plums; pears; oranges. just eaten straight like that. i cant even stomach them if they've been cut #tried and true <3 #ive had severe stomach issues for as long as i can remember btw. basically missed all of 3rd and 4th grade bc i was sick with stomach #infections so often and for so long #you can trust my advice

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todayisafridaynight · 9 months ago

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Who was ur favorite yakuza character before daigo and mine? Since u would’ve had to go through 0-2 until u meet daigo and 3 til mine (unless u didn’t play chronologically)

playing the games chronologically, i dont think i really had a favorite until Y3, and even then i didn't immediately latch onto mine (if anything, rikiya was my favorite for most of my first playthrough). also with Y2 it was more fair to say ryuji was my favorite from that game since at the time daigo was still 'thats my old friend daigo :)' to me

but excluding Y2, i really liked lee and makoto from Y0 :) and date from Y1. my best friend date ........ also haruka was my daughter in an instant and i still love her sooooo

#snap chats #my wife date even #but yeah for a while daigo was just 'thats my old friend daigo' to me LMAO #i cant really think of what the turning point was for me- maybe y5. i remember seeing his stupid disguise and thinking #'thats daigo isnt it i know what his ears look like thats fucking daigo' and being so happy when i was right and seeing him jalkjk #with mine after i beat y3 the first time i was enthralled from his last scene/s so i went back to watch all his appearances #i think i was mostly baffled by the fact a character so blatantly expressed his love for another man so i went back to watch everything #just trying to see if i could notice any kind of like. foreshadowing whether its from his body language or dialogue #thats what made me appreciate and love mine more as a character. with help from the rggo stories of course #daigo i think it just became a matter of 'he's been with me for so long he's like a son to me now' which. HILARIOUS considering y6 #but then i got to the END of y6 and i think thats when i started to fully dive deep into daigo. because now he is my son LMAO

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devotedlystrangewizard · 1 year ago

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shoutout to indie games with unique artstyles that are only 5gb at most can we give it up for indie games with unique artstyles that are only 5gb at most

#is ultrakill more than 5 i cant remember its just been on my laptop since i first downloaded it #but like. dead cells. ror2. celeste. i can just keep several games on my laptop despite only having like. 350gb of usable space.#its ffxiv and then just several indie games. ITS DELIGHTFUL #sorry ive been on a massive indie spree lately and i feel the need to gush about them 24/7 #bonus shoutout to undertale bc i dont have it installed and havent really played it since 2018 but i still love it #my friend goes 'hey do you have any recs' and i immediately open a powerpoint titled 'why you should play indie games'#and the second slide is just a picture of v1 and gabriel ultrakill VERY poorly edited to make them hold hands #third slide is the beheaded from dead cells #and the fourth slide is a giant wall of text about why ror2 is actually so much fun #(yes i still have to get rorr no i dont have the money right now)#fifth slide is literally just the nonbinary flag. nothing else. just the nonbinary flag #'a little something for everyone' i say pointing at like 5 different roguelikes #ramblings

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tortademaracuya · 1 year ago

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I saw a tweet and got reminded I have diagnosed depression. I need to go back in time to tell 12yo me who was weirdly interested in reading and researching about depression that she was so right.

#THE GIRLS WERE SO RIGHT!!!!!!!#like i would read a lot about anything related to anxiety or depression i would eat up any character that behaved in any way like that #i would say it was for 'realism' for my OCs and feel soooo guilty for thinking 'damn thats just like me fr fr'#it wouldnt change anything but it feels relieving to feel like im being taken seriously and i think she would have needed that #it also feels pretty amazing to have friends now that i can trust will understand. or try at least #sorry if lately i mention my depression a lot it just feel super weird to me because i have felt like this for like #as long as ican remember #so havig it acknowledged now is so ??? and i literally cant believe it so i keep mentioning it without thinking #and alsoim tired of always hiding my feelings so im trying to be more honest with everyone #anyways srry rant over #haunted.txt #actually no u know whatineed i need to go backin time and tell mythen friends SEE I WASNT LYING YOU FUCKING BITCHES GET FUCKED

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like-sands-of-time · 2 years ago

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Any house md fans that also read Cassandra Clares clockwork series? Because huddson (House, Cuddy, Wilson) reminded me of that dynamic quite a bit. House loves two people in his life, one he can love and spend a "lifetime" with, as Wilson dies from cancer. And the other, whom he can love and finish his life with after Wilson's gone.

Neither one is loved less and they both led their own lives, of course, but for better and mostly worse, they revolve around each other.

#i could go into more detail but id need to reread the series #those books were the first time i saw an ot3 of any kind actually work out and it wasnt even polyamorous really #but the two guys were best friends closer than close due to their bond as warriors #and tessa comes along and they all just fall in love with each other #jem has his illness thats going to take him away from them #and will has his rejection fears and difficulty talking about feelings #and tessa cant die... can't remember why or how but she just doesnt die #and somehow it all worked out for them to all be happy together #amazing #in my head cuddy finds house after wilsons death because she just knows wilson didnt go travelling alone #right after house apparently died #and she finds him heart shattered but this time its shattered wide open and able to be mended #and shes in her fourties and she has a daughter shes been raising by herself while working at another hospital #but despite how all reason says its not worth it shes always had impossible expectations #she and rachel choose to spend their lives with him because he's different now #since he ran out of vicodin during wilsons increasing pain hes forced himself through withdrawal #and he doesnt have the stress of patient care anymore to make his leg ache worse than it always does #hes not happier necessarily but more present in life maybe he thinks ten steps ahead but he doesnt worry about it #house md #lisa cuddy #gregory house #james wilson #hilson #huddy

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dirt-str1der · 2 years ago

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How do you think majima hit his ex wife ? Do you think he did it like kiryu slapped haruka , he whapped his hand over her cheek like a reflex, without even thinking. Do you think he revved up for a backhand during an argument, or maybe he grabbed her by the shoulders and straight up threw her to the ground while she was at her most vulnerable and then he walked out the door and never looked back

#Yakuza loveblog #we dont give majima enough shit for hitting mirei but she seems so wistful when she was talking aboht it #mirei is .. shes like haruka but not because when something terrible happens to haruka she files that emotion away and keeps trucking on wit #her angellic smile but when mireis going through a lot she shuts down and she gets that blank expression a lot more like majima does ..#maybe he got that from her ?? i think she got the abortion and went home to tell majima about it. all the while that blank look plastered on #her face and she tells him that she was pregnant and before he could have any resction to that news she tells him she got rid of it #and majima is shocked he looks at her face and he gets mad it looks like she doesnt give a shit. she didnt even tell him she didnt even #trust him and he shoves her to the floor he’d yelled at her for a reason he cant even remember now and she looks at him without any emotion #and he figures it out. that she was right not to trust him because hes like This. and she doesnt love him because hes like this so he walks #away knowing he doesnt deserve anything from her because she was hurting and he could only make it worse. and maybe he cried a bit over her #had a few angry tears at some bar but she never shed a tear over him because thats just not who she is #she recounts the story to haruka with a blank expression and a slow #calm voice that betrays no emotion ... she really loved majima that much was obvious .. neither of them had been really ready for a #relationship but i believed they did love each other they just didnt know how to deal with two things at once

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infizero · 2 years ago

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im going fucking crazy im going to bite someone’s head off kris and noelle deltarune making my brain fucking melt

#i make a post like this like 5 times a month anyways I NEED DELTARUNE CHAPTER 3 RIGHT FUCKING NOW. IM SO SERIOUS #i cannot think about this shit for more than 5 seconds without being filled with a desperate longing for new content #and the problem is I FUCKING THINK ABOUT THIS SHIT ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!#undertale and deltarune are the one thing that no matter WHAT im currently fixated on that shit is instantly my number 1 priority #like with other stuff i'll be like ooh that thing i like cool :) when its not what im currently fixated on #but it does not fucking matter WHAT the current brainrot is if theres any speck of utdr content im instantly there #even when it comes to shit that is not new at all. even if its just me seeing a piece of fanart or something #it sends me into a spiral every fucking time #i dont even remember what caused it today T_T #nothing will EVER make me as fucking crazy as utdr im so serious like. god. this shit is like crack for ambigiously neurodivergent ppl /hj #i could literally watch 5000 videos restating the same secrets and lore connections and shit over and over and over and i'd be happy #and yet theres somehow STILL things i dont know about like thats what rlly makes this shit so awesome is that there is somehow always more #undertale esp like it still awes me just HOW MUCH SHIT is in this fucking game. not even just content wise but in terms of like story #connections and all that shit #all the different unique neutral endings all of the extra dialogue and shit you get on repeat playthroughs and just #everything #and then w deltarune its awesome bcuz there is SO MUCH SHIT but.... its not finished. so unlike w undertale where theories are all more #after the fact stuff. deltarune its like you get to actually try and predict stuff ITS SO AWESOME #anyways if i dont get to see these characters have new little interactions and go on a silly little adventure full of charm and Themes that #has some O_O shit under the surface I WILL FUCKING EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHHH I CANT FUCKING TAKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!#serena.txt

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acanthemp3 · 2 years ago

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i wish i could drop out -_-

#guy whos going to school to be a teacher but fucking SUCKS at school #im just not built for this!!! why am i just so much worse at handling literally everything than anyone else #i wish i wasnt so exhausted from doing nothing i wish i was more motivated i wish i was more focused #aka i wish i was someone else bc i cant remember a time when i was any of those things im just fundamentally not workign right #i know im good with kids i know theres nothing else i ever want to do besides teaching art i just have to fucking GET THERE #right now my options are. become a part time student which would fuck everything up #drop out which would fuck everything up SO MUCH MORE #take a break which would fuck things up slightly less but i have no idea what it would even accomplish #or die #i was supposed to double major in painting lol. im missing out on so much just because my body and brain dont work #or maybe everyone feels this awful all the time and im just too weak to handle any of it and the real issue is im just fucking lazy ^_^#angel.txt

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orcelito · 2 years ago

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Staying out of tales of arise Anything bc I think I do want to experience this game organically bc those plot twists hit me like a fucking TRUCK.

I did look up an estimate for how long the game is tho. I'm at like 30 ish hours and if you focus on plot alone it's like some 40 hours. But I have been doing side quests lol so it probably isn't even 10 hours remaining.

A Little scared of how things will be after this point tho. The Vibes will definitely have changed. And oh God I just want to hold Alphen so tightly. He doesn't deserve this.

#speculation nation #tfw ur amnesia was a blessing but now you remember and suddenly you have to deal with Extreme Trauma #and he was already traumatized!!!! he was already traumatized and now hes even more traumatized!!!!!!#but let's be real this group is made entirely up of very traumatized people lol. such is the way of this world.#this game is so fucking brutal tho. like im used to tales games hitting much harder than you expect #but they went out of their WAY to make this one really fuck you up #im absolutely in love with this game. but WOW it is not for the faint of heart lmfao #which sure is something to say about a very anime looking game where you can go to the Owl World and the Owl King will give you outfits #and you can wear ridiculous accessories even during serious cutscenes (a tales game Classic)#and also you own a ranch.#i still cant wrap my head around that one hfkshfj like what do you MEAN i own a ranch?!?! and then i just Kill the animals?!?!?#like ya food meats but i thought raising chickens would give me eggs. me cooing at my grown chickens then going into the menu #and it's like 'your chickens have reached maturity! items received: Chicken Meat" and i was just like. 'O-oh.'#and then the chickens were GOOOONE but at least the cats and dogs stay around without me EATING them #i. prefer to not visit my ranch. i dont want to be reminded that all these animals are gonna die.#hfkshfjd and YEA ALL THIS alongside some stunning displays of moral ambiguity #& the utter horror and injustice of 300 years of subjugation #perfectly captured right down to the erasure of culture. these people having to look to ruins to get in touch with their culture #bc it was Taken from them.#just. it's a ridiculously over the top anime game just like any tales game but wow. wowowowwow #and im saying this after playing tales of xillia 2. aka still the only game that made me cry Twice.#arise is truly an astounding game. it's very definitely in the running for my favorite tales game.#we'll see how the ending goes lol but given everything ive seen so far. it is Likely to be just as stunning hdkshfj #raving about this game when i should be going to sleep. man . man. ..

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snekdood · 11 hours ago

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people who are like "i never get so angry that i start fuming and stomping and yelling lol" no you're right, you just bottle it all up, never look at it, and then take shit out on everyone else and wonder why you're like this

#its the lack of attempt at emotional development for me #at least i actually feel and see my emotions. you're just trying to pretend you dont have any 🥴#you're right you channel your anger and feeling of being incapable of defending yourself into being a passive aggressive catty bitch who #likes to play mind games and fuck with your own and other peoples relationships.#all you know is manipulate project gaslight #'angry people abused me so im gonna pretend im Pure and Incapable Of Anger. A Sinful Emotion. no im totally not just stuffing #it down i swear i swear'#'no i swear my abusive tendencies towards others isnt my way of getting it out i swerr i swerr'#'i dont physically abuse see? so its different. thats surely the only way anger is released via abuse. is physical.'#'surely emotional abuse and manipulation or gaslighting or anything like that isnt just another form of releasing my anger'#'surely my controlling abusive tendencies isn't because i felt powerless as a child when i was abused so now im taking out all #my anger about being powerless and abused on to someone else and surely that emotion i feel during it isnt anger and vengeance. surely not'#'ive convinced myself i cant feel anger. angry people abused me remember? and im not like them so im not abusive and angry yknow #right? right???? right??????????? im not like my dad right????????????????????????'#'look at me trying so hard to be the opposite of my father- becoming more like him ironically just in a different direction'#suppressing your anger is just going to make you have a big outburst and hurt other people. you're not morally superior for ignoring it.#you fukkin' slug ass beetch #..iunno that just felt like the right insult in the moment lmao

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cass-cc · 2 months ago

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#kinda fucked up that 2020 feels like it was just yesterday #and i was like 'damn i guess i havent really felt like a person since then'#but i know that's not true because i didn't feel like a person before that either #I've been in a slow downward spiral since getting covid last year and remembering that the whole time i was in school #i was just doing it because thats what i was told i should do #i dont feel like I've made a single impactful decision ever in my own fucking life #i talked about it with my therapist last year but i cant responsibly afford to go back to her anyways #and its not like ive made any real progress on anything #i probably haven't seen a doctor since i was in high school #i dont know what i want to be called #i dont know what i want to even DO with myself #because I've just been doing whatever my mom says to for so fucking long #i shouldn't have gone to college until i had something i actually wanted to do #and now i have stupid ass loans and for what?#not a fucking degree!#i dropped out four years ago and havent done a goddamn useful thing since!#i feel stupid and useless and directionless #i miss my friends #i wish there was something i was at all good at but i cant even get rid of things i dont want because i dont even know what that means #because if we're looking at it objectively i dont want *any* of the things i have right now #i hate my clothes i hate my room i dont use any of my art tools anymore and even my physical body is rejecting me #i can't even SLEEP right #fucking hell #delete later #my birthday is in a week and im lowkey wondering if it would have been better if my mom never had me lmfao #I've done nothing I've said i was going to do so whats even the point #I've got a cat I've gotta look after for a few days in november so obviously we're gonna keep cruisin but GOD i dont wanna be here #my issues arent even that bad in the grand scheme of things but because theyre happening to me it feels so much more intense because well #my life is the lens in which i experience the world lmfao #ive pretended like everythings fine for all my life but these cracks just keep getting bigger and im really not enjoying that at all!

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