#i just cant get myself to post normally
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sometimes im sad and then i look at the muppets and i am no longer sad
feat. my sillys : -3
#life hack!! muppets make your brain like itself again!#also the fraggles i feel like i should say#especially the fraggle's for me but im using muppets as a catch-all term for the jim Henson puppets#kinda#cuz i mostly mean the muppets and fraggle rock#but im using cuz i believe that everyone can get at least a little happiness from like any jim Henson puppet#like even the dark crystal puppets ofc#and like in this tangent im using fraggle's as a shorter way to say the entire shows name!#but ofc i mean the gorgs n doozers n like sprocket too i guess yk?#ok im ending that tangent to tangent somewhere else#idk i can only tangent like this in the tags#but like i cant post it if im not doing this in the tags like im whispering out into the void instead of yelling it#i just cant get myself to post normally#im just weird#im a weirdo#/ref#ok yeah if u read this ur cool#u get a cookie or smth 🍪#also boober n lew Zealand are here#because i love them#and idk if that says anything abt me or not#wait the cookie bit was meant to be the end of this#so like I actually rlly hope people read this#because like i feel like me just saying mulpets#and then showing a photo of boober FRAGGLE is like weard?#idk tho omg this is why i can never properly post on here#because i overthink everything#its too late now im posting this as is
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Firefox-official vs electronicmail
Hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby
okay come up with a better idea then. firefox-official is gone asshole it’s electronicmail or nothing
#this one was hard to respond to because it elicited the usual anon rage in me#but i had to think about it anyway.#this blog has been around for less than a month and it is driving me fucking crazy#don’t you think i know?#dont you think it hurts enough already#i dont want this blog either i want my old blog back with all my stuff on it#i would like to stick around#because i loved posting#and i get that you’re just having fun#but i’m making an example of you#less than a month vs five years#‘household name’ firefox official#spent five years building that thing#and now it’s just this.#i keep forgetting#and then i’m here again#not home#i know you all feel bad enough for me already#but it’s so hard to be myself because the environment on here is SO different#we were HAPPY#WE WERE SO HAPPY#Umm… Or whatever.#guess i could go back to firefox unofficial#but that feels far too close to the sun. and i’m done with the wings i think.#i dont mean to be so serious#a total mood killer i know#i just dont know how to proceed exactly#because when i post like normal i cant help but feel sad#and when i post about being sad its just sort of obnoxious#i’m not really asking for pity i just want to explain where i am at
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you are expendable, you are not expected to return
#i know i said id try to keep pressure stuff in containment but this is more of a vent piece than pressure fanart#and it felt wrong posting it on the side blog since thats really more of a fandom space than a soap space#kinda need the catharsis of strangers knowin whats goin on with me bc ive been kind of MIA on all platforms in terms of new 3D art..#i had something really insane happen that was a major permanent change to my life in september/august (cant talk about it) and#i havent really been handling it well at all#pressures been like the sole thing thats kind of keeping me above water mentally#but simultaneously like the level of obsession im at is insanely unhealthy it is ruining everything else in my life. but i just dont know#what else i can really do to stay sane. log on roblox think about my gay fishes and then go to bed#normally i try to ride out little mental health bumps like these and get back to work but its been like 3 months now and#im still struggling to be able to focus on client work. i can take it easy on myself just fine but i really dont want to let clients down#anyways thats whats been going on with me if anyones noticed the absence#soap talks#my art#roblox pressure#hopefully that doesnt put it in the main tags i try to tag fandoms so ppl are able to block them#raine
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seriously though ... how on earth do i get my motivation/focus back???????
its been so long that i have been struggeling with art and i just .... i want to stop wasting time, day after day i just sit around and mindlessly play stardew valley (wasted 800 hours into the darn game, its a good game but thats way too many hours!!!)
i was listening to the arcane songs bc some of the new ones were rly good but now after the disappointing finale i cant do that, and neither have the show in the background, the hurt is too fresh and im bitter, i cant find anything to put on for the background noise
i keep thinking about all the things i could achieve if i could just ... if i could just DO it, but no i sit around feeling like im about to cry and nothing seems appealing/fun, its not quite that strong depression ... but it feels alot like it, time moves so fast and years go by and i get nothing done
i dont know what to do .. or what to try anymore, im so tired of everything and just want to be able to do something
#ganondoodles talks#personal#sorry i know its annoying to just see these kinds of posts over and over#on top of feeling the pressure to post literally anything bc the loss of twitter still hurts deeply#im so goddamn tired of being constantly on the edge of the worst versions of depression#i just want it to stop#but i cant GET IT TO STOP#and once again i lock at the time and its past 9pm and all i have done is fucking nothing NOTHING again#i want out of this so badly ... but i guess not enough since i cant get myself out of it#its so stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!#its times like these that i just wish i was “normal”#go away garbage useless brain of not letting me do anything but feeling shitty 24 hours a day
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ive been unhealthily fixated on kubosai for the past few weeks, i just have no idea how to put it into words. kuboyasu aren and saiki kusuo are in love btw
#they are.#been thinking a lot about t*rusai and k*bosai and all three of them together#(really long rant in these tags that shouldve been a rant post but im not changing it soz i got carried away LMAO->)#see the thing is that k*bosai is my absolute favorite ship ever. but i get genuinely pissed when people smack talk t*rusai#idk like i get why people wouldnt ship kbs and i really dont care. and i also get that a lot of people have differing opinions and-#wont ship trsai. i honestly cant wrap my head around why (other than people who just hate teruhashi and are misogynistic) but im okay with-#agreeing to disagree and i dont care yk??#but people so often make these long discussion posts just yapping and yapping and making up shit about how trsa 'wouldnt work'#and its always just... actual complete bullshit. like unreadable word vomit.#sorry. but its true.#thats why it gets me so mad#i cant think of a single reason why you would feel the need to do that#why cant you be normal and just. not like a ship. just dont like it. hate it even. but dont make up shit just to shit on it#its so dumb i have to force myself to just scroll past them every time i encounter one#usually on tiktok or tumblr#if i read them i wont be able to stop myself from making the most concerned and upset noises ever cuz what is actually wrong with you#theyre always the biggest dumbest stretches ever and they ignore their actual development and pretend it didnt happen#it just makes me wonder why people are so okay with making fun of that ship but get mad if anyone even dislikes theirs#and then they complain about people 'shitting on their opinion'#LIKE ?? NOBODY CARES THAT U HATE THE SHIP. I CERTAINLY DONT GAF.#but ur in the main tags advertising ur hatred for it and sounding stupid as shit for no reason? UR SHITTING ON PEOPLES SHIP ON PURPOSE#AND THEN GETTING MAD AT ANYONE WHO EVEN SAYS 'i disagree actually' IM LAUGHING SO HARD STOP IM KILLING MYSELF#the one time i ever talked in that much detail about why i disliked a ship was bevause somebody specifically asked me#and yk what ?? i have literally gotten death threats over it. im not allowed to hate that ship but everyone else can do whatever i guess#okay sorry. rant over.#is that controversial i cant tell. i dont really care and im not tagging anyway#meows post
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when he sends you a song saying it "reminded him of you" so you obviously have to listen to it but then it's just the most depressing shit you've ever heard
#random post#i cant even. get myself to say the song.#i wanna get back to actual normal posts but this just flabbergasted me so much i jad to post about this specifically#but okay. thanks for thinking of me aiden#i did feel weirdly flattered#but im confused
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gender euphoria moment ! rare morgan w
#like the outfit itself was not a big deal. i didnt even wear it outside. but i looked in the mirror and felt something more than apathy#i looked in the mirror and i did not see a boy or a girl. which is in fact a big deal.#i took pictures. i fucking took pictures of myself on my own i cant emphasise how little i have ever done that. i even drew myself#i have spent my life under the pressure to look normal#it's why when i started becoming conscious of appearance i wanted to look like the average girl/boy on the street#and whenever i dress in the presence of other people i still worry about whether i will look normal. in place.#so putting on things in the locked bathroom of my own house is just. freeing i guess#i hardly ever go out which is probably half the reason for the anxiety around it#and there's like. the social expectation that you cant dress well unless you have a reason#like i literally never get to do this. let me have it#n e ways. i dont think what makes me feel gender euphoric is as easy or binary as it is with some of the people i know irl#i just! i want to look trans. i want people to look at me and be uncertain.#i always used to dress like the most “normal” person ever because i felt like it was a requirement#so it's alwayd fun to get vaguely formal with it#not a revelation exactly that if you fuck around with clothes and find what you like and wear it it's good. but worthy of note#idk where im going with this im rambling. whatever its my blog#personal posts#might post the fit on art blog bc i want attention and compliments. anyway.#<- wow im so narcissuspilled#<- me when i show myself any form of feeling toward myself that isnt hatred
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ouuhghghghghhhhhhh the
#i was going to try to say something but this is better than whatever i was trying to articulate#but hi!!#im still here still working on art#my brain just stopped working and i cant get myself to post anymore#i'll be back to normal soon#probably
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#??????????????????#????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#i dont know what to doooooooooooo i dont know what to do w my life.....#i dont wanna go to college im way too stupid for that and also its insane like#im scared i dont like anything enough to make it worth it. not even biology#thats like 5 years idk and i fucking hate school.... i think id kill myself if i had to go back to somerhing remotely similar#idk thats scary.....#my plan b was getting a job and i rlly tried but im a pussy . i only started to go out and do stuff like last year. and im an adult !!#i feel like i fucked something up at some point in my life cuz like this is insane#im stuck in limbo. like theres something wrong and its not the autism#bites a cinderblock bites a cinderblock#man im so fucking scared everyday i feel like im going insane . i cant even imagine me doing anything#theres something wrong w me cuz thats like not normal . i dont wanna die in my bed but everything else scares me#fucked up if true#uh#vent#its funny af tagging my posts w vent but i tag them so u can block them or whatever#FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK IF ONLY REDBULL ACTUALLY DID SHIT TO ME . THEN ID BE FIXED#FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKKKKKKKKKKK I JUST WANT AN ENERGY DRINK THAT WORKS PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE PLEASE GOD#PLEASE PEKASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
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the sheer amount of headcanons i produced while i was drawing this is insane
#a few of them i might try drawing cause theyre scenarios instead of concepts#i would actually like try to list a few down in a separate post or scatter them around in other posts#but because of the clothing i put them in here#ill focus on that#yes in the tags#nagito's body temp is very naturally cold and also gets cold very easily#he needs to have like two layers on him at all times or else he'll actually freeze#maybe even 3 layers if its Just That Cold#hajime on the other hand is the complete opposite and is both naturally warm and heats up easily#i feel like he sorta doesn't really like wearing long sleeves that much cause it feels kinda stuffy?#that or he just cant find a decent article of clothing that is both comfortable and to his tastes#chiaki is relatively normal in body temperature but she also overheats easily much like hajime#except because i hc her with autism (as an autistic myself) i feel like chiaki wears long sleeved clothing regardless of weather#because she enjoys the weight of her hoodie even if its hot as fuck out and will probably stop functioning right if she doesn't have one#anyway thats my take on my favorite trial trio#komahinanami my absolute loves#question to you guys who's read the tags: how do you interpret this?#sdr2#danganronpa 2#danganronpa 2: goodbye despair#danganronpa nagito#danganronpa hajime#danganronpa chiaki#nagito komaeda#hajime hinata#chiaki nanami#komahinanami#aiden.png
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if i wrote a comprehensive analysis of reading into otto's character from a queer lens (with extensive text citations) would you read it bc ive thought way too much about this for the sake of my silly anime fanfiction okay. i know too much about this topic now and i gotta let the energy out <33
#my thesis is that otto is so into subaru and all the animators keep shipping ottosuba (says the rz ottosuba shipper blog) and then#tappei goes “....huh did i just write otto being gay for subaru bc fans keep asking if ottos gay for subaru. huh. ........maaaybe”#the other part of my thesis is that otto is transphobic towards subaru-as-natsumi despite subaru being his crush for Reasons and that#otto cant be normal about relationships bc of *insert psychological analysis about his life*#theres just sooooo sooooo much subtext from ottos end that i just gotta ok i gotta. i gotta. when. when i got time. i prommys </3 if no one#else will i will <3#i started posting my more polished analysis stuff on rz reddit a little while ago but i think if i posted an otto queer subtext analysis id#speedrun myself into getting banned LJDFLJD oh well. very worth it.#listen today i got commplimented by my writing professor for having great writing and analysis and inside i was thinking#ah yes bc i write#anime meta in my free time LDSFJ but im flattered i just let the adhd take over!!!!#and once again if youre someone whos sent me an ask that i havent answered yet ill get to it eventually HAH <3#suffaru post
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crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It
#my version of them is centered around their blog version with the ‘personality’ of their steam review and like a bunch of HC#i developed them with the implication that they’re Real but i’m a bit iffy on it#because all my friends have theories about how they’re from the narrator’s consciousness which is sick as hell#and i’m unsure how to actually structure everything or if i should go the same route so i can get approval from them </3#my friends r the real reviewer fans even though they dont plague themselves over them every day and im so sad that i don’t know anythinggg#gggggggggggg#like im p sure they genuinely hate the stuff i make about cookie9 and im just. scrumbles myself. sorry im Trying :( i’m not smart#or good at writing or even media literate#whatever that term means#all i have is love in my heart for them i don’t know anything at all#ouhghghhg they hate It so much but i cant do anything else and it’s all i have#like all my cookie9 stuff works on the ‘what if their blog self Was Real’ but i’m not actually sure how to fit it all into my actual parabl#stuff because i still havent worked out how my parable itself works#and people probably don’t think i know enough and i don’t think they’ll approve if i try. so i Don’t#tempted to blame this on my like. general crushing lack of intelligence caused by both physical and mental reasons#but i want to believe i could do better if i try? but that’s incredibly hopeful#i’ll be stuck here forever i think#<-guy who. whenever Anything wrong happens ever. just goes back to ‘oh yeah its because im dumb as fuckign rocks. due to the Incidents’#i am very scared of the possibility that it is possible for me to be anything more because that implies that i’m stupid because i didnt try#even though i’m trying very very fucking hard and every time i get something wrong way more than anyone else i’ve ever known#and they hate me for it . MAN!!!!!!!!!#<-brain is lying 2 me i think nobody hates me or . whatever. it still feels like it though im just saying this because i dont want anyone t#think people genuinely hate me for being stupid. i mean. people DO. but not my friends ☝️#man i can’t even get into the buglivia crap either because she is so abstracted from her actual review#girl w identity issues and also the general normal Changing A Lot Through Time. i scrumble her. around#her Self during 2018 would in fact be in character for the review.i want to draw her during that time. she took everything so seriously </3#tbh my version of her does react well to TSP humor but at the time she felt like she wasn’t allowed 2 Do Her Thing and tried to seem#more professional and Normal and it seeped into EVERYTHING for a bit#cookie9 though just genuinely found the narrator annoying and patronizing. its just not his thing and thats fine#<-random nonsensechemical reviewer bits hidden inside the vents. SEND POST.
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all the bad dreams that you hide / show me yours, i'll show you mine
#my art#do not copy trace or steal#everlark#katniss everdeen#peeta mellark#hunger games#the hunger games#thg#im still working on drawing people which adds to my nervousness x_x i wish i could be as confident as i am drawing animals#BUT YEAH IM SO NORMAL ABT THEM. I.#i literally have not gone a single day where i havent talked about them and im literally having to give myself limits on how much i can#read the books bc i literally went out to get a new library card JUST to do that#i literally cant believe when i was a kid i didnt like them as a couple .#i just couldnt appreciate the fake dating trope and i also took it very literally . and i was also like ten#ive had this ready to go but when i say ive had my mouse hovering over the post now button for a while i mean that so sincerely#PLEASE TALK TO ME ABOUT THE HUNGER GAMES i try not to overwhelm my sister but#i am very aware i am way more into thg than she is and we watched the movies together#ive been sending her literally every single video abt thg thinking she will enjoy it as much as i will and im probably driving her up#a wall AHBKJAHBHDFJGBKJDHBGG but its fine she expects nothing less#i have to get used to posting non cat art non warrior cat art#you can tell im stalling . just a little bit
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i wish i could get a break from my own emotions, i either feel nothing or everything constantly and so intensely, its so exhausting, i just want a pause, a break, a breather, a vacation from myself, something that lets me live and not be aggravating or aggravated for once
#ganondoodles talks#personal#at this point i almosst want to have a breakdown#if i knew id feel normal afterwards ..#its been over a month of this now- constantly on the edge of a breakdown- the worst i can be#aside from those awful short circuits where i explode for 10 minutes and then feel fine again and rly weird about what i just did#i want a break from this#wasting time doing nothing but feeling things that dont matter and make everything worse#just stop ...............................#im losing even the few connections i made online and cant get myself to start new ones#despite there being people that seem to try and reach out#i am horrible at reaching back#and keeping it alive#if i could at least get rid of the guilt#the guilt from every decision i make or not make#everything always ends into guilt#and it just keeps piling up#even posting these things! guilty feeeling bad over and over
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I cannot rely on one person for me to be happy my happiness isn't allowed to be only triggered by one person I can be happy at every little thing it doesn't matter about this one person
#im in too far fucking deep again#and when he leaves again its gonna hurt just as much. but more.#finch posts#he makes me happy beyond belief and i goddamn love having a friend who knows me inside out and has done for so long#but. your love is my drug by kesha comes to mind. its fucking intoxicating talking to him#and last time he left (we were 12 and his parents moved their family) it made me kinda depressed and i was so fucking needy to talk to him#and now we're three and a half months into rekindling the friendship and i feel the same like i get really sad already >#>if i just dont talk to him for a couple of days without like a trip or friends or smthn else to entertain me#songs are starting to remind me of him#fuck fuck fuck#1am in the morning makes me too honrst#i think im still a bit (a lot) in love with them#ohmygod i dont even think it i know it#i should go to sleep earlier#it would stop me having so many thoughts#i havent seen him in multiple years but i can still imagine kissing him#oh fucking hell fuck my actual whole fucking life#and his closest friend where he lives now well they were starting to be a bit of a thing and surely its not fucking normal>#>to daydream about kissing a girl who ive literally never seen a photo of#holy fucking hell i am such a hopeless poly bisexual#WHY DONT WE REWRITE THE STARSSSS#oh this is circling round to my suspicions i might be kinda like demi romantic??#i should buy myself flowers . wait. no. i grow flowers 🫠#well i could still buy myself flowers . and i should#i need to go to the beach#cant wait to get a proper drivers license#if youve made it this far down my crisis hi youve gotten to the stage where u can tell what songs im listening to!
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a modern human au where nothing bad ever happenned to them and they got to grow up together. I am making myself cry with this chat
#north is sad and beige and would have a stupid phone case#also i did a watermark thingy because im such a cool ans serious artist look at me#BTW !!!!! first thing im posting thats drawn on my new tablet :3#north has beige mom energy. idk how i feel about it. im just leettinf it happen#yall have no idea i am SHAKING im so normal about them#i need to get to work on. everything about this. bc i really wanna finally be able to coherebtly tell their story#im very insane about them and THE THEMES !!!!!!!#ARGHHHHH#anyways#murl draws#murls ocs#oc#my oc#oc art#art#my art#artists on tumblr#whatever other tags there are#just you wait. i will make this into something coherent#ughhhg i cant. i need to cope ok#and its smth i myself made up wtf !!!!!#imagine being separated from your sibling who is your whole world at a young age and spending the next several decades being told theyre a#a traitor and eventually hunting them down only to discover that while you werw kept in a bubble where everything stayed the same the rest#of thw world has changed so much including your sibling and you realize the only person you could rely on these past few decades has been l#lying to you and now youre completely unajusted to life and have to deal with the fact everything isnt what you thiugjt it was AND EVERYRHJ#G CHABGED IT CHANGED !!!! CHANGE IS INEVITABLE AND YOU HAVE TO FOR THE FIRST TIME VE FACED WITH LIVING FOR YOURSELF AND DISCIVERING WHO YOU#ARE AS A PERSON HHHHHHHHH I CANTTTT.#i dont event have all the names for characters yet GAHHHHH
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