#i hope their parents are better

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[angrycatlovesfandoms]

Evil grandma in the train

[rainyrambles-overcod]

day 1 of drawing one of the cod characters until I’m comfortable with trying to find my style

[t4t4t]

Idk new post bc the last lost traction, no donations in a week. We need 450 for the rest of February, 450 for a deposit, and 950 for March, 50 for the rest of the utilities. We were homeless since Aug 2020 excepting 4 different months whose places fell through for various reasons, have to get rid of the van we were living in because it's falling apart, Collie got FFS December 28th, she's recovering well and maybe could do something with a car if we had a better car, given her ability to drive. I still haven't found much work but I'm still looking. Anything helps.

paypal.me/NoraEstherRose

venmo: nora-esther-rose

venmo: Leah-Esther-Rose

[tategaminu]

I'm genuinely devastated about how unfairly TDP and the team are getting treated. Years of work in the game to get it shut down after four months in a one day notice is miserable and cruel. Shutting it down two days before S7 is miserable and cruel. Netflix is miserable and cruel. I seriously hope the crew finds better partners‚ with the main series, with the game and with the books (because fuck schoolsatic as well honestly)

[elation-station]

the town bisexuals are at your door it is time for you to pick a bride

[alish-artie]

Super Mario RPG is inspiring me !~

I was sad when I learned I accidentally skipped Booster's fight…

But I mean, the cake one was pretty funny so it’s okay-

[bonefall]

Would it be good or bad if the writers changed who Moonpaw's parents were before the book gets released? (Y'know that's assuming they'd ever do that)

It would be nothing but a good thing!

The authors are careless and don't think through the implications of the random ships they seem to pick (besides an uncomfortable pattern where they seem to be VERY good at torpedoing popular queer ships with laser precision). But they should.

Warrior Cats is a series about family, and ASC was apparently supposed to be a series about Nightheart having issues with inheriting the legacy of Firestar... but half of the Clan is descended from Firestar. Nothing about Nightheart is special, even by the established logic of the series. This is a plot hole.

It's inconsistent and makes the drama in the series worse. The readers are just supposed to accept whatever the writers want to be relevant, and forget it in the next book. WE remember that Thriftear and Bayshine are first cousins. The authors don't. That's bad storytelling.

If they just changed the parents to Fernstripe and Shellfur, it would immediately be better with no downsides. We'd get some payoff for a developing background relationship, which would be nice! Simple as that.

[canisalbus]

Machete has parents?? I'm not familiar with their actual lore, so I've been imagining Machete as a desolate victorian orphan boy

Everyone has parents, he didn't materialize out of thin air (or evolve from a crumpled napkin).

But he lost contact with them early on and doesn't remember much of anything about them. Machete was a sickly kid and his family was going through a rough patch at the time, they were constantly struggling to find the time and funds to care for him. Child mortality was high and it was starting to look increasingly likely that he wouldn't make it. He was around three or four when they left him at the closest monastery that accepted foundlings and he hasn't heard of them since.

[iristial]

What I like about episode 5 is that even though Bouche supposedly had noble intentions for making Michiru and Shouma miserable for years, he still hurt them and Shouma's feelings aren't rendered invalid because "Bouche did it out of love". An explanation isn't going to erase the years Shouma spent seeing his mother cry for countless nights - or resolve his trauma and helplessness when his half siblings murdered his mother, even though she didn't qualify as good Dark Snack spice (therefore rendering Bouche's efforts moot; it just delayed the inevitable, sadistic actions of his other children)

I also like how Shouma, by deciding he wants to keep making people happy despite the risks, is breaking away from perpetuating a cycle created by his father? Bouche thought letting Michiru and Shouma be happy would put them in danger, but rather than gathering his resolve to protect them with everything he had - or send them far away - or at the very least shut down the very company profiting off the deaths of humans - he isolated them and treated them horribly. In a similar vein, Shouma tried to isolate himself from humans; initially because he saw himself as a monster (which ties into his poor self-image), then because his presence made humans prime Dark Snack ingredients. However, how effective is that strategy when Shouma's left lonely and with no way of really moving forward from the past, while the people he made new connections with are left wondering if they did something wrong, and possibly develop misconceptions about him? It's ultimately a useless course of action, and if anything continues to pin the blame on Shouma and other targeted humans when the fault truly lies with a family relying on the happiness of the 'weak' to assert their superiority

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 23?

DPxDC merfolk-esqu Au where the Infinite Realms is akin to a giant ecto-ocean. Ghosts look similar to merfolk, though some more deep-sea esque or alien while others look more human. Some look more human when in the living realm (unless summoned) while others don’t change. 

This also shifts to ghost-speak, which is similar to things like whale calls mixed with dying screams and other echoes of their deaths. The crackle of a housefire, the rumble of electricity, the crackle of breaking rocks, the crash of heavy waves. It’s a beautiful but haunting song. 

Danny, being a Halfa, can of course shift between human and ghost, but this has resulted in his ghost form being only the slightest bit humanoid while his human form looks too human. Too perfect, almost fae like while his ghost form looks like some sort of galaxy-esque deep sea creature with hands and a torso. 

This is a bit of an issue when he ends up chasing one of his rogues out of Amity and runs into people who don’t know about ghosts. Who in turn call the heroes about the two monsters fighting in the fields. 

[purple--queen]

i hope from the bottom of my lesbian heart that Agtha/Rio is getting just as much love as Deadpool/Wolverine.

[avocado62524]

[ruvviks]

PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS YOUR OWN OC OR PAIRING.

Nathan and Ruben share a bond more powerful than most; mutual understanding through past experiences no one should ever have to go through, and through past actions so horrible they cannot be spoken of. Their grief and the blood on their hands binds them to the STEM technology they created, which has alienated them from the rest of the world— but they give each other the comfort they have both longed for so desperately for years, and that is all they need. They are each other's counterpart; you cannot imagine one without the other, like two sides of the same coin. Through their pain, their grief, their desire, and their regret, they have become one.

anna akhmatova, the guest // bones; equinox // 'i won't become' by kim jakobsson // agustín gómez-arcos, the carnivorous lamb // by oxy // achilles come down; gang of youths // czeslaw milosz, from 'new and collected poems: 1931-2001' // 'extended ambience portrait from a resonant biostructure' and 'migraine tenfold times ten' by daniel vega // a little death; the neighbourhood // marina tsvetaeva, from 'poem of the end' // by drummnist // katie maria, winter // 'nocturne in black and gold the falling rocket' by james abbott mcneill whistler // micah nemerever, these violent delights // body language; we are fury // 'the penitent' by emil melmoth // chelsea dingman, from 'of those who can't afford to be gentle'

taglist (opt in/out)

@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;

@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;

@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;

@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree

[duusheen]

expendable

[genderjester]

some more doodles inspired by @biscaanii /@biscaani 's odyssey series bc im still rotating everything in my head at all times...fix it fic of all time truly