#i hope that somebody reads this update but either way i feel better about getting some of my thoughts out there

[morverenmaybewrites]

Hello! I hope you're doing well, I wanted to say I adore your writing, when I saw the last two updates for the Pizza Delivery Girl fic I jumped on my bed in the middle of the night and slept 2 hours later than I intended because that story is just too good. Honestly, it's the best piece of fanfiction I've read and it's even better than some published books by miles. It's not just the way you write Jason, which makes me want to cry and punch the wall because it's too good, it's the slow-burn, the details that make Gotham feel real, the guilt every character feels, the danger at every turn and how Pizza Delivery Girl is sort of a lighthouse in the middle of the sea of Gotham's darkness, but she still has her own pain and fears. Even Langstorm, who I didn't expect to be written with so much care, makes me want to cry and rejoice because it's soooo good.

Really, the way you write Jason has to be one of the best things about the story. It doesn't feel over the top or 'edgy', and it doesn't get boring. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like this, but on some bad days reading how much Jason despises himself (which will never stop hurting) made me think that maybe I don't have to be so harsh with myself either. I just can't wait for him to realise he can be loved, but please make me wait for it, it'll be worth it.

And I also wanted to say that since the last update I can't stop thinking about what Jason will feel when/if he learns about Pizza Girl's healing. Will he be jealous and angry, or sad, resigned? Will it break him, or will it be touching for him that somebody who can erase her physical scars doesn't mind at all his own?

Anyway, sorry for the long ask, but I can't keep going without making sure you know how much your story is loved. Please keep writing, at your own pace of course, and as you can see, time will pass and many of us will be still waiting here for more. I first read the story as a teen, and I have to say it's so satisfying to have grown a little bit and look back at something you enjoyed and loved and find it's still as good as it was the first time you read it. That is a testament to how majestic your writing is.

Sorry for the basically long email. I really hope you're doing well, and thank you for writing!

Wow. I don't even know how to articulate my thanks for such a lovely ask. You broke down what you love about my writing, my characterization in such loving detail.

This ask is literally what writers' dreams are made of. I'm going to print it and hang it on my wall. And then I'm going to make a second copy so I can eat it.

[bad-at-living]

warning! definitely accidentally a vent! none of this really makes any sense cause i was crying. accidental vague references to sh

sometimes I get things stuck in my head like you get songs stuck in your head except they aren't songs. right now i have this fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59087686/chapters/151188253 on ao3 stuck in my head. its called "the view from halfway down" (minus the quotation marks). its very sad but i can't stop thinking about it so i have to read it agin to get it un-stuck. wish me luck. update from after i finished re-reading it under the line (may contain spoilers, i don't know yet). i don't really want to cry right now but i have to read this, its out of my control. after all i am always the root of my own suffering.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

somehow the first chapter of this fic hurts more after you know what happens in the second. all these things he says end up falling through or getting fulfilled. i think the fact that someone cared in the end hurts more. it builds onto my whole "i can't hurt myself because if i do someone who cares about me will suffer and it will be all my fault and i will be the bad guy" it should be relieving to know somebody would cry over you but instead it just feels like a weight that makes me feel more. not necessarily feel worse or feel better but just feel. but feeling anything right now is worse than feeling nothing. i desperately want to be missed but i don't want people to feel bad either which is impossible because missing someone is a negative feeling. i just don't get why the idea that someone could miss me makes me feel terrible despite the fact that my biggest fear is being forgotten/alone forever. maybe its the idea that it could/will get to a point where its so bad that the idea that people love me isn't enough to keep me tethered to the living realm. i think what really hurts is that i know at least someone would cry over me in some capacity similar to him but it wouldn't be the same. i need to know someone would do that for me before i go but i worry having someone like that and knowing they would cry over me would make me stay. i don't want that. i don't understand myself. the one person i would stay for if they called never liked me in the first place and it was all a sick joke to them. the one person i want never really existed the way i remember them. it hurts because i relate to both of them even though mine isn't actually dead. but it really feels like it. i did lose a whole person that day. what hurts even more its that these fuckers could have been something but we couldn't have, after all you can't get married to a string of text messages. but only because they were written by somebody who was nothing and everything like that. i don't get to text the person i lost like he does because they one: aren't dead, two: never truly existed at all. it hurts because no one is ever going to text back and you know it. being an atheist sucks when you don't get to have any sort of hope about what's after death. one discrepancy is that he doesn't text his every day, he doesn't text him like he forgot about him being dead. "how could you forget someone being dead!" when you wish they were alive so bad your brain decides to forget they're dead as a coping mechanism. he should be sad he doesn't get a response but not because the other guys dead but because he's so deep into dissociating and denying that he thinks the others simply just ignoring him and now hates him. if i lost someone like that i would text them every day without fail i would just have to. the hurt comes from the fact that my pain is considered less because no one actually died but maybe a little bit of me did inside. i was too busy being angry at the real you to mourn the you i knew to grieve correctly so now I'm just stuck in a mix of all seven stages at the exact same time. for ever. my stomach really hurts right now. maybe its trying to distract me from my brain. it isn't working cause now i just hurt even more. nobody else will ever grieve you with me because nobody else knew you. and now the sobbing im doing hurts because of the ribs i bruised trying to stop myself from sobbing over something else. and now i have heart burn. I'm tired of suffering but i don't think i could do anything to make it stop long term that wouldn't cause even more suffering short term.

everything hurts.

for hopefully some context to this madness its referring to a time someone put their number in my locker and catfished me for over a month over text, knew things about me i had only told my friends (like my favorite music artist), sent me memes i literally had saved on my phone (either they were a friend i had sent them to or they actually just had a similar sense of humor to me and still did this terrible thing which hurts cause like how would someone so oddly similar to me do such a terrible thing). eventually i found out they were cat fishing me and they told me that i was crazy for thinking anyone could ever love me and that i was unlovable. so it feels like someone i knew died because they simply ceased to exist in my world.

[waywardstation]

A good friend of mine recommended HFBE to me. I don't really have the vocabulary to express how it makes me feel but I'm going to try.

My parents regularly skip meals to make sure my sister and I have enough to eat and even then I usually put half of what's supposed to be on my plate on hers when she isn't looking. The thought of her going without is worse than going hungry myself could ever be.

When I read Akari and Ingo's interactions, it reminds me of my parents and my sister. The guilt of knowing somebody's getting less to make sure you're getting enough but also the willingness to give up anything, everything you possibly can to make sure those you care about are okay. How either way you feel emptier when you go to bed and you can't tell if it's the hunger or the understanding of the situation's escalating severity that's making you feel sick and shaky.

I almost never see anyone acknowledge those feelings, much less acknowledge that it's not about the amount of food that exists, it's about the access to it. But even on an empty stomach and with hope wavering, there's still hope, and that's what makes me want to stick around to read future updates.

You don't have to post this because I'm sure you've gotten it a lot but thank you for this story, truly. I want to show it to my sister someday.

In regards to my fic, Heart Full, Bowl Empty

Anon, I really appreciate you sending this to me. I know HFBE deals with subjects that makes it a difficult or impossible read for some people. It can hit close to home for some, with personal experiences like this.

I try very hard to focus on the fact that everything being done, and every choice being made in the situation is done out of love and care for others in times of hardship (It's why I loved the name of the fic so much when 'Heart Full, Bowl Empty' was suggested to me by an anon - there may not be much on the plate, but that doesn't diminish how full everyone's' hearts are with compassion and empathy) and it's ultimately what keeps them going.

Things may get rough, but there is hope and love, those things are going to be the key to help that will ensure better days ahead.

Thank you again so much for the ask anon. I appreciate this ask so very much, and it makes me happy to know you appreciate this fic and how it handles things.

[jordanradicalblog]

Showcase

This is a small update, but I volunteered to help with the Radical Showcase. i wasn’t featuring my work in any physical way, just on the main loop. Either way it was rather nice because I got to interact with a lot of my classmates more. I feel like I haven’t spoken too much to a number of them so it was nice to spend a little one on one time with some of them and get to know them a bit better. It was also nice to hear some encouragement over my film, because I must admit that I’ve been a bit hard on myself over it for awhile. It came up in conversation a few times with some people and everyone had some encouraging things to say. Most assured me that it’s okay if things didn’t totally go the way I wanted because I’m literally going to school here to learn so it’s fine to make things you aren’t happy with. It made me realize that I’m very inexperienced and taking on a project of this caliber is not at all in my wheelhouse so the fact that I finished it, even if it isn’t as successful as I hope is a good thing, especially because a lot of my classmates had insightful positive comments to make about it which made me understand that they knew what I was going for.

As for pictures of the installation, I don’t have any, but we took a group photo so somebody has it. Christine, if you’re actually reading this and not skimming these (which no shade if you skim these because I’m sure there’s a lot to read) can you send me the group photo of all of us please? I feel like this post is incomplete without it. Thanks.

[cclkestis]

a long overdue update;

This is a post that I’ve been meaning to make for weeks (maybe even a couple months by now who even knows any more ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) but with one thing or another I’ve kept finding excuses to put it off - I’d appreciate it if people take the time to read it if they’re interested in where I’m at with things right now ❤️

(under a read more because as usual I do get a little bit rambly :’)) )

The first thing I want to touch on here is my writing. I reckon that there’ll be at least a few of you out there who may have noticed that really since the start of this year I’ve not been posting anything much in terms of fics and such. To be honest, that’s down to a combination of no inspiration or motivation to write, and no time to write. Classes and dancing have kept me busier than I expected to the point that when I did have the time to write, I didn’t have the energy for it.

And motivation is another big thing that comes into consideration. I’ve stated my point before that I write for myself, and if other people happen to enjoy it it’s simply a nice added bonus. I think I’ve gotten myself into a cycle of knowing that I’ve not been writing and thus beating myself up for that fact, turning something that I always enjoyed into a stress for myself. Combined with all the drama a couple weeks back about writing for DBH in particular it left me entirely uncertain about what I wanted to do with myself.

Without going too in-depth on that particular subject - I’m still planning to write for DBH if and when the inspiration strikes me, but I’m not confining myself only to it. I’ve already written one very tentative fic for Arthur from RDR2, have ideas for my og man Leon, and each time I find a new character to fall in love with I inevitably end up with ideas for them. 

After re-reading through a few RPs I used to write a lot for too, I’m also slowly easing my way back onto that scene and letting myself love my ocs more without so much regret, which is something I always struggled with in the past. I’m hoping that some of my love for writing will come back to me the more I get back into that because I’m highly motivated when I’m planning and writing with another person who’s equally as invested as I am. As a result of that I’m hoping to become more active over on my sideblog @someassortedramblings, which is somewhere I keep writing resources and things about my various ocs! (mostly writing resources rn but I’ll get there with it :’)) )

tldr; I’m still here, and I hope to get back to writing for the fandoms I enjoy soon, thank you all for being patient with me ❤️

Now onto the more positive part of this post - a couple of weeks ago this blog hit 1000 followers which is absolutely crazy to me, especially since I’ve not been terribly active recently. I know I’ve said it before, but I can’t even explain how much it means to me that so many of you guys not only seem to enjoy what I’ve got going on over here but have stuck around as I’ve made the shift to more fandoms other than just DBH. I never thought it was a milestone I would hit and have no idea what to do to celebrate it in any way, but I would love to do something to show my appreciation for you all once I figure that out!  ❤️

Until I work out what I’m doing for that, I want to tag some of my friends and mutuals who I love and appreciate a lot, even if I’ve been garbage at keeping in touch recently or even if we haven’t really spoken much at all: @the-darklings @connorshero @malanoches @marvelousmorales @the-kryomancer @thedragonkween @negotiator-on-site @thirium-ink @finding-jericho @purple-hearted-mallow @ilikecheesecakeforbreakfast @mysticalkhfan @shadows-echoes @imaginovator @a-shakespearean-in-paris (I’m absolutely forgetting some people and I can’t apologise enough, it’s late and I’m sleepy, but know that I love you all ❤️)

And this post is already long enough, but I also want to tag some of the people who’s urls I see popping up in my notifications - I do notice you guys who appear a lot or come and talk to me, and I love and appreciate you all too!! @determinedpines @frankiea1998 @itslemonbeenotlemonbae @funnytitan @lionhearted-soldier @lugiadepression @pandemoniumambassador @heliasage @fizzabel @birooksun @icecoldsoul1987 (There are so so many more of you who’s names I recognise and get a smile when I see, but you guys here were the ones that immediately come to mind and are the ones I’ve seen more recently ❤️)

[canonicallysoulmates]

Jensen Solo Gold Panel NJCon 2022

I did it. I watched the Gold Panel. Let's jump right into it; Jensen tries to act like Jared and as if he was there then says he misses his buddy. Aww, Jensen 🥺 

He says Jared sends his love, and this is when he shares what happened to make Jared cancel - with Jared’s permission btw -  what happened is that Jared had gotten into a really bad car accident, he wasn’t a driver he was a passenger but Jensen says he saw the car and his mind was blown that Jared not in the hospital but instead home recovering. There were no fatalities, thankfully, but an airbag packs a punch. He asked people to send Jared some love on his socials ❤️ 

Real quick in the off chance that this post is how you're finding out about this and/or have not seen the update, Jared has posted thanking fans for the love and support and says that he is recovering and hoping to get back to filming Walker soon. Nonetheless it’s always a good day to get #WeLoveYouJaredPadalecki trending so feel free to go and send him some love!

Back to the panel Jensen joked and said he could answer Jared’s questions so the first question is a joke one asking him how likes being Walker. He tries to do a Jared impression and then says he should have worked on it. The first actual question is about the prequel. 

We’ve read the premise but it seems a bit further off from canon. What's his thought process when it comes to that?  I couldn’t hear this first part too well cause he kind of whispered it but he mentions that there was a script that dropped that’s nothing like the real script. For those that don’t know the supposed Pilot script for the prequel was leaked back in February. And basically says that what was established in canon is gonna act as tent poles that will be hit but in ways that maybe aren’t expected. But things that were glossed over, like how Mary met John, those gaps they’re gonna fill in a way that’s entertaining but also services the lore. Sounds like lies but okay 🙃

The fan says her and her friends have been worried, and he replies that he’s not some guy who hasn’t been a part of spn for 15yrs, he’s not some random dude, that this story means a lot to him. And that he looks forward to being able to share more information about it when he can x

Somebody passed by with their baby and there was like a cute little funny moment so here’s a timestamp to that x

The second question, and Jesus this is going down fast, is what’s something D would say he’s bad at? Who asks this? 🤦‍♀️ *sigh* 

He answers, organization. Mentions D had covid, she’s fine now, but she had to sit out for a couple of days and was staying in the master bedroom so he had to move to JJ's room. But if it had been him that got sick she’d put him in the backyard or send him to a hotel. Sounds healthy.

Anyways, he brought this up to say that when D got better she found the room a mess with his stuff all over the place. 

Something about this story....seems off cause this man said he was on the third floor, he is staying in a multi floor most likely multi room house, he's not strapped for cash and he knew he'd be there a while yet the house he's at has only three bedrooms? There wasn't one extra? Either he made a bad choice when selecting a house to rent or there's a lie in this story. Or both.

He's also sure D has many other complaints about him. Lovely. x

Could he sing the first couple lines from one of his Radio Company songs? No, absolutely not. But maybe if they get Steve there one day.x

What’s something he really loves or will take with him in real life from the show? Baby. He took that with him, also says again that Dean is a part of him, that it’s a version of him. Mentions directing Walker and how they wanted to put in all these spn Easter eggs and he was like well I have the cooler, I have this, I have that, a bunch of props that they could put in. And the reason he has all of those things is that he actually gave a list to the props department of things he wanted from the set so when he got Baby she had a trunk full of things. x

A fan who's getting married wants to know what's his best marriage advice? A fan shouts ‘don’t do it’ to which he seemingly says it's way too late but that’s the obvious one. But he gives the piece of advice that he says he was given which is on that day, don't forget to look around and take a look at everyone that’s there celebrating you. Says he did that, and that’s what he remembers the most. And as far as marriage going forward ha! good luck, it's a battle. What an....interesting answer. x

How was it directing Walker? Jared and him are gonna have a shorthand for the rest of their lives. That you don’t work with someone and spend time with someone that long and not have deep rooted communication levels. That he would give Jared notes in a way that would confuse the rest of the cast and crew because he would give him notes by quoting a movie at him or just give him a signal and Jared would immediately understand what he meant; so while with everyone else he has to explain things with Jared it’s easy, it’s like somebody who you’ve  played ball with for so long, you know what they're gonna do and they know what you’re gonna do. It’s in harmony, and he and Jared are gonna be in harmony for the rest of their lives 💕

Also, says that Ashley (who plays Walker’s partner on the show Cassie) on his first day on set asked him how to navigate Jared and without thought he jokingly replied, just sit back and let him sink himself which shocked the crew and he had to clarify that he was just making a joke, that that's what they do. But the cast and crew was awesome, and it was fun to flex that with Jared in front of everyone and that all their old jokes had a new audience. 

Has he ever had a person in his life that inspired him and/or saved his life? There’s been a collection of people that have helped guide and steer him to where he is today; being available to listen was probably the most important thing and he encourages everyone to do that, to not put blinders on and listen to people. Says he didn’t study acting, he learned by watching the people he admired and taking mental notes and that someone probably his dad told him when he started in acting to be a sponge. That if you’re talking you’re not listening so he listened a lot. He has a list of people that have helped him some of them being Kim Manners, Deidre Hall, Bob Singer, Eric Kripke, D-  people who tell him when he’s getting off track, and that you don’t have to follow what they say but at least listen. x

When did he realize what effect spn was gonna have on people? Doing cons was the eye opener to what they were tapping into. Because tv and movies get made every day all over the world but it’s rare you get to pick your head up and see what doing that is providing for other people. Looking into fans' eyes and seeing something he did is making a difference or impacting them is one of the most gratifying things he's received in life. So it wasn’t till cons took off that he realized this matters; and when drama starts happening on set there’s a saying ‘we’re not curing cancer here, take it easy’ but after someone who fought cancer told him they watched the show everyday of their treatment and the show inspired them to keep fighting he went back to the crew and said we’re not curing cancer but we’re doing something that might inspire somebody to fight the hell of it. x

Last question is 🙄🙄🙄🙄 If Dean was to write a letter to C to tell him about the things that he appreciates he does what would it say? Dean wouldn’t write anything because Dean doesn’t do that nor does he. That Dean would leave C a voicemail saying you’re appreciated and that he’s gotta go. The question was annoying but the reply got a chuckle out of me. x

Jensen's Solo Gold Panel NJCon

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

hello 💗

a 14 and 19 with Damian, please?

I was very tempted to turn this into a whole story so I’m sorry if it’s too long for a ficlet, I swear I stopped myself from writing a lot of stuff which was hard because I have like .000000000000002% self-control when it comes to Damian. Kinda proud of myself, ngl.

14. “You don’t know what you do to me, do you?”

19. “God, you are so fucking cute.”

His stare unnerved you. Damian was very hard to read as he was, but you found the task particularly arduous at the moment.

Was he mad at you? Had you said something he found stupid?

“What’s got you so...” You made a gesture with your hand, unsure as to how to ask what the fuck was going on.

You were supposed to be on the lookout in case your target made an appearance and according to Dick the probability was quite high since his own target was nowhere to be found.

Leave it to Bruce to cover every corner of the city.

“So what?” Damian demanded to know.

You shrugged, avoiding his gaze with the pretense of paying attention. “I don’t know how to explain it.”

Humming, Damian crouched down just beside you. “Two people right?”

“There’s a third one,” you explained, eyes on the building across the street. “But they come and go every ten minutes or so. I’m guessing they give updates.”

He remained silent, observing the moving figure. He must’ve been thinking the same you were — they knew they were being watched.

A sudden sense of guilt washed over you. What if you ruined it? With a sigh, you told him, “Although... I could be wrong. I might be counting each second too quickly.”

Shuffling, he turned to the side to once again look at you. “You’ve been counting the minutes?”

You nodded, abashed. “I forgot my watch.”

Shaking his head, he whispered under his breath, “God, you are so fucking cute.”

You chose to believe you had heard him wrong, and for your own wellbeing and the task at hand, decided to ignore his comment.

He wasn’t having it. “Look at me.”

Inwardly, you cursed him. It was clear to you that he could tell how flustered his comment left you wether he had meant it or not. Damn him and how good he was at reading you.

And so you looked at him because you weren’t a coward and you liked his pretty eyes way too much for your own good.

“You don’t know what you do to me, do you?” he said even more lowly than he had already been speaking.

No, you didn’t. He drove you insane because of it — you never knew if you were imagining things or if he was as into you as you were into him.

You didn’t think this was the time or place either. “You’re gonna make me lose count.”

“I brought my watch.” He was done with the chase, with the painfully cold shoulder you gave him when he refrained from telling you how he felt.

Damian didn’t blame you, he was hot and cold too. But your cold, in his not so humble opinion, was actual torture. You could be crueler than anybody else expected —yourself included— and he enjoyed it when he wasn’t on the receiving end.

You wetted your lips and finally answered his question. “No, I don’t know.”

“I figured. For somebody so smart, you’re painfully oblivious.”

Ignoring what you assumed he meant as a compliment, you said, “You aren’t the easiest person to read.”

He looked away from you. Damian couldn’t possibly hold your gaze when confronted with the things he needed to work on still.

Being unreadable was needed in this line of work, perhaps one of the most crucial characteristics any superhero or vigilante could have. And it came with a high price.

A price he had been willing to pay until he got to know you. Until he got to come up with unrealistic scenarios he replayed before going to sleep. Your hands in his hair, his arms around you...

He knew you’d like it. He had seen you around other people long enough to know how affectionate you could be, the small things you did for them when they were upset and what you expected in return when you were feeling down.

It was unfair for him to read you so easily when you hadn’t even been sure he wanted to be your friend mere months ago.

But Damian wasn’t known for giving up easily and he wasn’t going to start now.

“I suppose I’m not,” he agreed. He couldn’t bear to gaze at you again, not now, even if it was one of his favorite things to do. “Should I promise to change?” he asked with the hope that you wouldn’t want him to change a single thing.

And for once in his life, the universe was on his side. You chuckled softly, what an absurd question. You challenged him with another, “Do you want to change?”

It was a loaded inquiry. He could choose not to answer and you wouldn’t think any less of him, why would you when you wouldn’t have known the answer if somebody were to ask you the same thing?

Damian, who had wondered for years what it meant to be himself, chose to confide in you, “I don’t think I’m that bad.”

Your eyes deviated to the building in front of you. Still two figures. You wanted to ask the time, and you wanted to assure him he was not only not that bad, but really fucking great in your eyes.

And you couldn’t do both because life is about tough choices. The mission or him? Finally finding out who’s been poisoning the water system or letting out those feelings that have been eating at you for almost a year?

He gave you a way out because he knew how to read you. Because even in a vulnerable moment he had an unfair advantage over you. “I don’t think they’re coming.”

“Should we contact the others?”

‘We’ felt different now. Unbelievably intimate for two people who didn’t know what was going on between them.

“Tim might need backup,” he sighed.

Neither of you moved. You didn’t know what to say now, or if you should even attempt.

For the first time that night, he didn’t know either. So he contacted Tim directly and asked if he was safe before explaining himself.

“Should we get moving?” you softly asked.

Damian shook his head. “He wants us to wait here in case they’re trying to shake us off.”

Good plan. Or at least not the worst you had heard in the past three weeks.

You grabbed his wrist to look at the time. His breath faltered — he was kidding when he said you didn’t know what you did to him.

You chose not to comment on it when you used to stumble through your sentences around him. “Do these people not sleep?”

“We’re no one to talk.”

“Truuuuue, but at least we do cool things.”

Cool things like avoiding the fact that you two almost confessed your love for each other.

And beating assholes up. How could you forget that one?

You couldn’t take it any longer. You would regret it your whole life if the conversation was never finished. “I don’t want you to change, you know? I’ll admit I’d like to get to know you better... to know what’s up with you without making you say it and all that stuff, but not at the expense of your boundaries.”

“I can let you in,” he assured both you and himself. “I don’t have a problem with you knowing anything about me, as rare as it sounds.”

You gave him a small smile, unable to put into words what it meant to you. What he meant to you.

“I just hope I don’t scare you away,” he confessed.

[fics-n-stuff]

Home

Pairing: Kaz Brekker × Reader

Summary: Y/N and Kaz were once childhood friends, later reunited in the Barrel. After a business dealing went awry, Y/N has been in hiding for almost a year and the time apart has brought up a lot of feelings for Kaz.

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: touch aversion, alcohol consumption

A/N: I haven't actually read SoC yet but I have done my research so I really hope I wrote Kaz accurately enough 🤞🏽 Let me know!! I left the reader gender neutral so all parties can enjoy 😁

Update: Pt 2 here!

You stared out of the window, watching the nightlife of the Barrel in full swing below you. It had been almost a year since you had been able to be a part of it all and, even though you had lived in Ketterdam all your life, you felt like an outsider now.

There was a knock on the door and you froze, head tilting to listen out for any threat. After a moment there was another knock, loud and heavy – certainly not the result of somebody’s knuckle hitting the wood. With a sigh, you stood up from the window ledge and crossed the room to the door.

Kaz was waiting on the other side, looking unamused as ever, and you waved him inside quickly and hurriedly shut the door behind him.

“I am one of three people that knock on your door, Y/N.” He said flatly, removing his hat and placing it atop your desk.

“I can’t be too careful, never know when someone might come sniffing around here.” You replied with a shrug. Kaz hummed shortly in acknowledgment before producing a small stack of envelopes from his coat. You snatched them from him eagerly, but careful to ensure that your fingers made no contact with his gloved ones.

“I’m getting tired of being your courier.”

“Well, I’m getting tired of being in hiding.” You huffed, leafing through your letters. “But I’d rather not walk around in a city where I’m actively being hunted.”

“You shouldn’t have gotten caught then.” Your head snapped towards Kaz at that, and you raised your eyebrows challengingly.

“I should slap you for that.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” Kaz’s face remained largely unchanged but you could see the shine of amusement in his eyes.

You had first met Kaz as a child, while visiting family in the village where his family lived. He was a sweet child, and you had struck up a fast friendship in the few months you spent there. You had even written letters back and forth for a couple of years until one time you never got a reply.

When you met again years later, entirely by chance, Kaz was a changed person. Your family’s fortune had taken a steep downturn and you found yourself alone, living in a tiny room in a boarding house in the Barrel, when Kaz came across you pickpocketing outside the Crow Club. He had recognised you, but you hadn’t recognised him at first. Everything about him was so departed from the sweet boy that you had known as a child.

He refused to tell you what had happened to change him in this way. He never gave you a cause for the ruthless person he had become to climb the ranks of the Dregs and earn the name Dirtyhands, never even told you what had brought him to Ketterdam at all other than that his father had died. He never pushed you away though. Kept you at arms length, yes, but he never tried to dissuade you from sticking around.

The longer you knew him the more you realised that he wasn’t as cold as his demeanour portrayed. He was fiercely loyal, you could see it in the way that he was with his Crows, and you were certain that he would do anything to protect those he cared about most. You admired that about him.

“You don’t have to come, you know. You could send Inej with my letters, she already delivers me food.” You said, turning away at the realisation that you had been looking at each other in silence for a few seconds too long. You went to sit down, picking up the envelope from the top of the pile and pulling up the wax seal. Kaz didn’t respond for a long while. You tried to read your letter but found yourself distracted with anticipation of what he would say, if he said anything at all.

“I commend your commitment to your business.” He said finally, and you smiled at the compliment. “Eleven months trapped in this apartment and you’re still keeping up with it all.”

“Being in hiding is no excuse to get lazy. If anything, it gives me more of a reason to keep on top of things. Work keeps me sane and keeps coin in my pocket.”

“And how long do you intend to keep conducting your business through letters and underlings?”

“For as long as I have to, Kaz. You know that.” You answered with a quiet sigh, setting down the letter that you definitely hadn’t been reading and turning your head to face him again. You saw his jaw tense and the grip on his cane tighten, but you didn’t know what it meant. You were worried that somehow you had done or said something to upset him.

You had learned, in the few years since your reunion, that sometimes even the most seemingly innocuous things could put Kaz in a black mood. You had caught on quickly to the way that he avoided touch at all costs, and adapted your behaviour accordingly. He had still never told you why being touched triggered such a strong reaction in him, but he knew that you would always respect that fact.

It didn’t matter to you what traumas Kaz had suffered to create these traits in him, only that you knew how to navigate being in his space without violating his boundaries, because deep down you knew that Kaz was the most important person in your life. He took you in and offered you support when you needed it, given you structure and taught you skills to survive without even necessitating that you use those skills to serve his gang, all because of the friendship that you had shared as children. It didn’t matter how heartless people said the Bastard of the Barrel was, you knew that Kaz cared; perhaps not in the same way that you had come to care for him, but he did care.

“Maybe you should go, I’m sure you have work of your own to do.” You mumbled, your eyes drifting downwards anxiously. “And anyway, I have letters to read.”

“I could protect you.” He blurted. His voice was a little louder than usual, his tone less flat, and your brow furrowed in confusion and curiosity. “We could. The Crows, and the Dregs.”

“I don’t need your protection.”

“But you’d have it.”

You turned fully in your chair, straddling it with one leg either side of the backrest, and leant your forearms on the top of it. There was something in Kaz’s eyes that you’d never seen before and, although you prided yourself on being able to tell how Kaz was feeling and what he might be thinking about, you couldn’t figure out what it was.

“Do you know something that I don’t?” You questioned.

“Of course not.”

“Do you suddenly not trust my ability to keep myself safe?”

“Nothing like that, Y/N.”

“Then what?” You rested your chin on your arms, looking up at him expectantly. He held your gaze, but you could see the cogs turning in his brain as he calculated his next sentence. You were preparing for an argument to start, so you certainly didn’t expect the words that came from him next.

“I’m concerned about how long you’ve been alone here.” He answered. You blinked.

“Concerned?” Your voice cracked a little with your surprise, and Kaz clenched his jaw as he averted his eyes from you.

“I just thought that maybe all this time on your own might have had some affect on you. And I... hold a certain sense of responsibility.” His voice never wavered or faltered, other than the one pause there was no suggestion in his speech that the words held any significance to him, but you could see the tension in his shoulders and the tight grip that he maintained on his cane.

You narrowed your eyes, taking a moment to examine his face and his demeanour. Everything about him was wound tight, like he was making a particularly tricky deal rather than talking to a friend – you hoped that he considered you a friend – and though he was looking in your general direction you noted his avoidance of eye contact.

“If I didn’t know better I’d think you were saying that you miss me, Mr Brekker.” You said, your mouth turning in a small smirk. You saw Kaz’s chest tighten as he silently took in a sharp breath, and you chuckled lightly. “I’m fine, Kaz. Inej visits often enough, and I’m happy to see you when you deliver my letters. I will say though, I miss drinking with your Crows.”

Truthfully, you did feel rather trapped in your tiny apartment. For almost a whole year your entire world had consisted of only three rooms, and even if you didn’t admit it you were going slightly mad. Not being able to leave was frustrating, and living your whole life in one room (because really, who spends that much of their day in the bathroom or kitchen?) made you feel like a caged animal.

He didn’t reply. He also didn’t move. You watched him, standing straight and stiff as ever in the middle of the room, for a few moments. Usually he would have said something or made a move to leave, so you knew that he was deep in thought about something. You slouched further down against the backrest of your chair.

“If you’re planning on sticking around then you should at least sit down.” You sighed. “I have some kvas, or whisky if you’d prefer.” Kaz shook his head no to the drink but made a move towards the window seat. You watched him cross the room and sit down, his grip remaining on his cane as he placed it between his knees. “What’s on your mind, Kaz?”

“It’s not important.”

“That can’t be true.”

“And why is that?” He questioned dully.

“Because you’re still here, with me, staring into space like you’re waiting for the wind to tell you a secret.” He looked at you then, and you could see a conflict swirling behind his eyes. You resisted the urge to furrow your brow in worry. He still didn’t say anything, and that didn’t do anything to ease your concern because Kaz Brekker was not often one to be at a loss for words. “Is something wrong?”

“Yes.” He murmured, his head nodding slightly.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” You asked softly. He looked into your eyes for a few seconds before turning his head away, clearly deciding not to answer. You were almost expecting him to get up and leave the apartment right then, remove himself from the uncomfortable situation like he had been known to do before, but he made no move to stand.

You stood instead, abruptly moving through to the tiny kitchen and pouring a glass of whisky for yourself. You took a long sip as you came back out into the living space, picking up a wooden staff on your way. You kept up your combat training while in hiding, though it wasn’t often that you got an opponent.

“Humour me, will you?” You smiled, spinning the staff in your hand and setting your drink down.

“There’s not much space in here.” Kaz commented.

“Then we’ll be careful. Get up and fight me, coward.” You goaded. He gave you an incredulous look but stood anyway, tossing his cane up and grabbing it at it’s middle as he came towards you. Your grin broadened, and you waited just until the was in your range before you swung at him.

Your staff collided with his cane, moved up just in time to block your attack, and he watched you with challenging amusement. You let him make the next attack, knocking his cane away when he swung it towards you.

You exchanged blows, each of you managing to block all of the other’s attacks but you were starting to corner him. It seemed like you were about to get the upper hand when he swiped his cane towards your middle, making you jump back, and before you could move to swing on him he had pushed the crow’s head handle into your chest, not so hard that it was painful but with enough force to knock you backwards.

You landed on the edge of your bed with a groan, letting the staff drop from your hand in defeat.

“No fair, your cane is basically an extension of your arm.” You grumbled. Kaz let out a short breath, the closest thing to a laugh that anyone could get from him.

“You picked the fight.” He shrugged, lowering his cane and righting it at his hip. “I could have told you that you wouldn’t win it.”

“Mean!” You exclaimed in exaggerated offense, sitting up. When you looked at Kaz his expression was soft, the worry behind his eyes seemingly eased, and you smiled. “I could beat you if it was hand to hand.”

“I don’t doubt that.” He replied, the almost compliment catching you by surprise once again.

It had been a while since you and Kaz had spent any significant amount of time together. He was a busy man, particularly so over the last few months it seemed, so other than his brief drop-ins to deliver your letters you hadn’t seen him. It was nice to have his company again, even if he was a little off.

“Do you remember those drawings of Ketterdam that I used to send you with my letters?” You questioned softly, tucking your knees up to your chest. “I used to walk around the city looking for spots to sketch. I’d spend hours sitting on the street with my pencils trying to get the picture perfect to show you what it was like. I think, now, you probably know the city better than I do.” You smiled wistfully, resting your head on your knees as you looked up at Kaz. You saw his Adam’s apple bob with a swallow.

“You miss it, don’t you?” He asked.

“Of course.”

“You could go out there, stop hiding. You know I would look out for you.”

“I can’t put that burden on you, Kaz.” You chuckled lightly. “Enough people want you dead already, you don’t need to be looking after me while I’m being actively hunted.”

“How long do you plan on staying locked in here then?”

“As long as it takes, we went through this earlier. I have a big deal coming up, with the money from that I’d be able to smooth over some edges and maybe I could come out of hiding in a few months.” You theorised. “I’d still have to watch over my shoulder all the time but it would be an improvement.” Kaz’s jaw tightened again, and he bristled with agitation.

You hugged your knees tighter, doubt and worry overcoming you. Was Kaz not okay with coming to see you here anymore? Was he trying to get you out of hiding to lighten the burden it had put on him, getting your letters delivered to the Crow Club and having to bring them to you? The thought of not being able to rely on his short visits was enough to fill your chest with a mixture of dread and guilt.

“Like I said before, you don’t have to keep coming if that’s the problem.” You added, hiding the dejection in your voice. “Inej can-"

“No.” He interrupted bluntly. You blinked, pressing your lips together in contemplation. Was he upset that Inej was bringing supplies for you? Or worse, had something happened to her? Was that what was bothering him so much tonight?

“Why not?”

“Because I-" He cut himself off. He took a step back as if regaining his balance, his gaze falling to the floor, and you watched him flex his fingers around his cane as he organised his words. “Do you remember how you got sick while you were visiting your family?”

“Kaz.” You murmured tentatively, craning your neck to try and get a better look at his face that was turned away from you. Kaz didn’t like to talk about the past. Even bringing up the letters that you sent each other had been pushing it, but for him to choose to talk about your childhood was something he had never done before. Still now, it looked like the mention of the past was making him nauseous as he moved to sit down in the window once again. Your curiosity was growing by the second.

“You got sick and you could hardly get out of bed for almost a fortnight.” He continued, dismissing your concern. “I went to visit you every day. I picked flowers for you to make you feel better, and your mother baked oatmeal cookies but I refused to have any unless you did because you weren’t eating enough.”

“I remember.” You nodded. “You never let my glass of water get empty. It was sweet. But why does it matter now?”

“I can’t... I can’t stop worrying about you. But unlike when we were kids, I can’t just walk up the street and check on you every day.”

You felt as if all the air had been knocked out of your lungs and for a second you genuinely wondered if you had made that up in your head. Kaz very rarely expressed any emotion – the mask he wore hardly ever slipped – but here he was telling you that he worried about you. For Kaz, that was practically him baring his soul for you to see.

“You don’t have to worry about me.” You said shakily. “I’ve been fine so far, haven’t I?”

“But what if you’re not fine for much longer? As long as you’re holed up here I can’t keep you safe, and I can’t come to check on you because if I come here too often people might notice. Honestly, it’s a miracle that they haven’t already.”

“I didn’t think you believed in miracles.” You mumbled. Kaz glanced up at you, and the vulnerability on his face was unlike anything you’d seen before. It struck you in the heart and made you feel a need to comfort him, to put him at ease. “I can take care of myself, Kaz. I promise."

He was silent for a moment, his gaze downcast once again, then he took a deep breath and spoke.

“I think I’ll take that drink now.”

You watched him for just a second before you got up, crossing over to your desk and picking up the glass of whiskey that you had left there. The glass was half full since you had admittedly poured a little too generously.

You held it out to Kaz, who reached for it without looking. Although you were careful to hold the glass at the very top, his gloved fingers still brushed slightly over yours as he took a hold of it. He immediately stiffened, and you were quick to pull your hand away, taking a step back to give him space. He downed the drink in one, his face scrunching just slightly at the burn it left in his throat as he set the glass down by his feet.

“I just want to be able to watch over you.” He said, his voice barely more than a whisper, and you could practically see how difficult it was for him to verbalise his feelings.

“I think... I understand what you mean, Kaz. But I’m safer staying here than being out there, even with the Dregs protecting me. You have to know that, right?”

Kaz pushed a peice of hair out of his face, his gloved hand smoothing over his head as he let out a long and quiet sigh. Finally, he looked up at you.

“I know.” He answered.

“I appreciate your concern though.” You smiled. “Honestly, I didn’t think you cared about me that much. Or, well, I knew you cared but I just didn’t think... nevermind.”

“You didn’t think what?” Kaz’s question made you pause, anxiety pooling in your chest as you contemplated coming clean about your feelings. You thought about lying, about keeping your secrets to yourself, but Kaz had been so sincere it only felt right to return his honesty. With a deep breath, you worked up the courage to finally tell him the truth.

“I didn’t think that you cared as much as I do.” You replied. The sentence hung in the air for a moment as you moved back to sit in your desk chair, heart pounding in your chest. “I’ve kind of found myself caring a lot, actually. I think it’s only fair, really. I mean, I kind of owe you my life and all so it makes sense that I care. That’s not to say that it’s sensible but it is at least understandable, I guess.”

You bit your lip to stop your rambling, dropping your head so that you didn’t have to look at Kaz. There was a long stretch of silence.

“I care more than I might show.” He spoke softly, much more softly than you think you’d ever heard his voice. When you looked up Kaz was gazing right back at you, your eyes locking and his stare going deep into your soul. He didn’t need to say more, that simple sentence and the look in his eyes were enough to tell you what he was confessing. A smile pulled at your lips.

“Be careful what you admit, Brekker, or I might think that you’re going soft.” You joked, and he shook his head lightly in amusement. You leaned forward with your elbows on your knees, letting go of the anxiety that had been coursing through you.

“I'm serious, Y/N."

“I know. You don’t make a habit of saying things that you don’t mean.” You nodded. You glanced up at the clock on your wall with a sigh. “You really should get going, it’s dangerous for us both for you to stay too long.”

“Yes, I suppose so.” He muttered.

He stood after a moment, his hand flexing over the crow’s head handle of his cane. You reached back to pick his hat up from the desk, and he held a hand out for it, but instead of passing it to him you placed atop your own head. It was too big, and you had to push it back on your head so it didn’t slide over your face.

“You know, I rather like you without the hat.” You smiled.

“Is that so?”

“Yep. I can see your face better this way so I can tell when your emotions manage to break through.” Kaz’s lips quirked upwards a little as he took the hat from your head and put it on his own. You jutted your lip out in an exaggerated pout and he let out a huff that seemed suspiciously close to a laugh.

“Do you have any letters you need me to send out?”

“No, not this time.”

“Alright, then I’ll be on my way.” He gave a quick nod and turned towards the door. He had only taken a couple of steps when you twisted in your chair and called after him .

“Kaz.” He stopped and turned back to you. “I’m doing what I can to get out of this apartment, I promise.”

“That’s not something that you owe me, Y/N. It’s your freedom and your safety. But I await the day that you come waltzing into the Crow Club ready to make Jesper lose all the coin in his pocket.” He replied lightly, making you smile. “And if you need anything then I’m here, all you have to do is ask.”

“Thank you, not just for this but for everything. Everything that you’ve given me since that night outside the Crow Club. I might be dead if it weren’t for you.” You let sentiment out freely, finally feeling able to show your heart to Kaz now that you knew that your affections weren’t one sided. His expression softened, and he seemed to contemplate something deeply, before he took a single step back towards you and held out one gloved hand.

You hesitated, unsure if he was initiating what you were thinking, but he maintained eye contact. He gave a small nod, a mix of permission and encouragement, and you tentatively reached for his outstretched hand.

Kaz took in a deep breath when your hand made contact with his, and you watched him carefully ready to pull your hand away. After a moment he released the breath, wrapping his fingers lightly around yours and running his thumb over your knuckles.

“You’re the closest thing to home that I have.” He croaked. “I didn’t want to lose that.”

“You won’t.” You affirmed. Kaz released your hand, and you found yourself missing the feeling of the leather glove. He took a small step back, trying to hide the shake in his breathing.

“I’ll come back soon, as soon as it’s safe to.”

“Okay.” You smiled. “I’ll see you then.”

Kaz left the apartment without another word between you, he paused before closing the door after himself just to look at you for a moment longer. You watched out of the window to see him leave the building and start off through the street, a broad smile on your face.

[fruitcoops]

So my finger is actually broken and it made me think about the series where Remus took a stick to the face and Sirius took care of him if you’re willing to do another part to that so I can live vicariously that’d be great

Hey lovely! I’m so sorry for the massive delay on this fic--hopefully, your finger feels better soon <3 Coops and O’Knutzy credit goes to @lumosinlove!

This fic also includes Cap and Logan being brothers, O’Knutzy fluff, and my personal favorite ask of all time:

Anon: We have seen protective Leo in action and he is an absolute badass, but what about the other 2/3 of O’Knutzy. Because gods know they would all protect their fairy gay mother if anyone were to mess with him in the slightest

TW for bruising, swelling, injury

Read the rest of the series here!

“Where is he?” Leo demanded as soon as the door opened. His mother would have been appalled by his lack of manners, but he was too worried to bother with pleasantries. “Is he alright?”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Hello to you, too, Knut. Harzy, Lo, how’s it going?”

“Depends,” Finn said. “How’s our favorite rookie doing?”

Logan took a more direct approach and kicked Sirius lightly on the shin. “Move, I want to see my future beau-frère.”

“Are they here?” a rough voice called from the living room.

“Don’t get up, Loops!” Leo shouted down the hall, making a beeline for the kitchen. “Are you feeling okay?”

There was a muffled curse from the other room, followed by footsteps; Leo scowled. “I’m not made of glass,” Remus huffed as he shuffled into the room with an ice pack in his hand.

All three of them hissed in sympathy and Leo felt phantom pain in his nose at the wide bruise across Remus’ cheekbones. “You should go lay down again, dude.”

“You made me soup?”

“You can only have it if you promise to rest.”

“I don’t have a concussion.”

“Your face looks like someone biked over it.”

“Rude. I’ll call your mother.”

“You don’t have her number.”

Remus shot him a look and turned to the others, who were watching in clear amusement. “Tremzy, a hand?”

“Can’t tell you. I want soup.” Logan ruffled his hair as he walked past; Remus batted him away, but he was smiling. It was even more crooked than usual with the latent swelling, and Leo felt a pang in his chest when he noticed the missing dimples. He looked so…not Loops. “Où sont les casseroles?”

Finn frowned and glanced in the Tupperware. “That’s not casserole, Lo.”

Sirius reached up and pulled a large pot down from the cupboard. “Pots, Harz. You’ve been dating these two for almost a year and you still don’t know French?”

Finn hopped up on the counter. “Keeps things interesting.”

Leo blew him a kiss and received a wink in return, making them both laugh. “Thanks again for bringing this over,” Remus said as Leo turned the stove on and grabbed a wooden spoon.

“Anything for the rookie, right? You look better than last night.”

“Yeah?” Hope lit in Remus’ less-swollen eye; he was still bruised to hell and back, but the puffiness had gone own significantly and a good night’s sleep seemed to have done him good.

“No thanks to the captain,” Finn snorted, swinging his legs until Sirius whacked him on the thigh with a spoon. “I swear to god he was just fucking with us in the groupchat.”

Remus raised his eyebrows. “What did you do?”

“I told the truth!” Sirius protested. “I don’t know why they’re all pissy.”

“You were so vague,” Logan groaned. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and scrolled through the texts, then cleared his throat. “Home safe. Re is fine—"

“Get over here—”

“—getting lots of cuddles from Hattie,” Logan continued, ducking out of Sirius’ reach as he read aloud. Leo stepped closer to the stove to let them both run past. “Thanks for the messages. Thanks for the messages? Thanks for the fucking messages?”

“That was pretty vague,” Remus agreed, hiding a smile behind his hand when Sirius finally snatched Logan’s phone away.  

“I’m keeping this,” he threatened. “And I sent messages to people who reached out individually with questions, including your boyfriend.”

“Which one?” Logan asked with a smirk.

Sirius shook his head. “Knutty, will you be offended if I kick him out of the house?”

“Eh.” Leo shrugged, still stirring. “He could use some fresh air. Maybe put a bowl of water out with him.”

Logan grabbed a towel and rolled it up, snapping it at Leo’s ass; it connected with a sharp smack and he dodged the second attack by less than an inch. “Hey, cut it out!” Remus laughed. “He’s making me soup!”

“Yeah, Lo, we don’t want to leave the invalid in the hands of Cap’s cooking,” Finn drawled.

Sirius heaved a sigh. “You are all so mean to me.”

“I love you!” Remus said, putting a hand over his heart in mock-offense.

“You don’t trust my cooking either.”

He hesitated for half a second and Sirius spread his hands. “I trust most of your cooking. And all of your baking.”

Leo perked up. “Will you make cookies for us?”

“No.”

“Come on,” he wheedled as bubbles began forming around the edges of the soup. “You know you want to.”

“He made some for the block party two weeks ago,” Remus said with a grin, leaning over to smell the thick steam. “I’m domesticating him.”

“He’s like a feral cat. Once you let him in and feed him, he starts making cookies and never leaves.” Logan slotted himself between Finn’s knees for a cuddle with a devious glance at Sirius.

“I regret knowing you,” Sirius muttered; the slight twitch at the corner of his mouth gave him away, and Leo smiled to himself as he pulled a few bowls out of the nearest cabinet. “Soup’s ready?”

“Soup’s ready. Where are we eating?”

“Well, Loops is eating on the couch so he can rest,” Logan said, ignoring Remus’ eye roll.

“I’m fine.” All four of them gave him a skeptical look and he threw his hands in the air in exasperation. “Alright, we’ll eat in the living room and pretend I’m on my deathbed. Jesus Christ.”

Leo gave him a playful nudge as he handed him a bowl. “That’s what friends do, right?”

Remus’ face softened and he bumped him back. “This was really sweet of you, Knutty.”

“What was I supposed to do, leave you here alone with only your fiancé and your dog for company?” He looked behind the kitchen island and paused. “Speaking of, where’s my baby?”

“I’ll get her.” Sirius wandered out of the room and they heard the back door open a moment later; after a few seconds of muffled noise, Hattie came barreling into the room in all her long-legged glory. One side of her fur was mussed into bedhead, but Finn dropped down and immediately smoothed it out again as he smothered her with affection.

“Oh, was somebody taking a nap on the deck?” Remus cooed, grabbing a handful of spoons from a drawer.

“I missed you so much!” Finn said, laughing as she licked his face. “So much, precious girl! It’s been too long!”

Hattie wiggled out of his hold and galloped toward Leo—she tripped over her too-big paws and rolled to a stop at his feet with a lolling tongue. “Oh, my munchkin,” he groaned, lifting her into a cradle hold. “Do you think your dads would be sad if I took you home with me?”

“Yes,” Sirius and Remus chorused.

“But I made them soup!” He stuck his lower lip out in a pout and held her closer to his chest. “It’s only fair.”

Logan turned a pleading look on Sirius. “You can’t say no to that face, can you?”

“Someday, you can have a sleepover. For right now, we’re going to eat soup and then make Remus take a nap.”

Leo declined to mention the fact that he had not answered the question and filed that particular information away for later use. For all his bluster and grumbling, Sirius was a softie for puppy eyes of any sort.

They gathered in the living room and carefully balanced their bowls so nobody spilled on the carpet. Remus curled up to make space for Sirius on the couch, while Logan perched on the armrest of Leo’s chair and Finn took the floor; Hattie made the rounds with a roving nose and tried to steal bites wherever possible, to little avail.

“This is really good,” Sirius said after a few minutes of hungry silence, shoving another spoonful of broth in his mouth. “Mon dieu, what is this?”

“Italian wedding soup,” Leo said, breaking a meatball in half. “Mom’s recipe.”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “You’re not Italian.”

“Not even a little.”

“You guys are the best, by the way,” Remus said. “This is exactly what I needed.”

“We would’ve beat the rookie up if you asked,” Finn informed him with a casual bite of soup. “Say the word, it’s done.”

Remus shook his head. “It was an accident. He tripped, I came up too fast, and it snowballed from there. Kid’s lucky he didn’t get a skate to the face when we fell.”

Logan blinked at him for a second. “You’ve seen your face recently, right?”

“No, actually, it’s a bit difficult to see my own face,” Remus said drily. “I’m sure it looks worse than it feels.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows, but made no comment. Leo wasn’t sure whether he wanted to know that story or not; seeing Loops in any amount of pain was hard enough. “Kind of ironic, right?” he said instead. “After all that time spent fixing us, you’re the one we get to take care of.”

Remus snorted. “How the turntables. Hestia did all the heavy lifting.”

“That Tupperware was heavy.”

“Do you want to tape me back together next time?”

“Don’t try me, Loops, I’ll do it and give you a moustache.”

They bickered and teased for the next half hour, long after their bowls were empty and Hattie laid down with a dramatic huff after her unsuccessful quest. Finally, Remus dozed off on Sirius’ shoulder, which they took as their cue to leave.

“Thank you again, guys,” Sirius said as they pulled their coats on. “This really meant a lot to both of us.”

“No problem,” Finn said with a shrug. “We were worried, and bringing over a little soup was easy.”

“It was good to talk to you both outside of practice,” Logan added, giving him a one-armed hug. “Keep us updated?”

“Bien sûr.”

“See you around, Capsicle.” Leo mock-saluted and Sirius laughed under his breath. “Take care of our rookie.”

“Will do, Knutty.”

Leo maneuvered his container around his seatbelt as Finn turned the car on, trying not to lose another lid down the crack between the console. “I’m glad we did that,” he said after a few seconds of comfortable silence.

“Me, too. Loops still looked pretty rough, though,” Logan said quietly.

The side of Finn’s mouth turned down a tick. “Next time we play the Ravens, that rookie is getting checked like he’s never been checked before.”

Leo’s back cracked as he stretched his arms over his head. “Oh, yeah, Kasey and I already have a plan. That kid is never even going to see the net.”

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from The Lost Tomb, part 3

I didn’t mean for this to stray into angst but like the lack of updates with Li Cu in LTR?? I had to do it to em.

Wushanju Crew Chat, 11:05pm

Li Cu: what’s up losers I’m outside

Li Cu: someone come on and open the damn door

Wang Meng: Language:(

Li Cu: fine, someone come on and open the damn door please

Snake Eyes Chat, 7:00am

Wu Xie: hey are you awake? Sorry I missed you coming in:) was finishing up some work. How was the end of your first semester? Did that geology paper go well? Did the food budget work out or do you need some extra money next semester?

Li Cu: yeah about your work

Li Cu: heard a little rumor

Li Cu: about you going through some stuff during ur recent trip

Li Cu: some stuff you maybe forgot to mention

Li Cu: and you told me we gotta check in with stuff, so this is me checking in, okay

Wu Xie: oh? What stuff?

Li Cu: idk just like

Li Cu: THE STUFF WITH YOU ALMOST FUCKING DYING FOR FUCKING MONTHS AND THE WAREHOUSE SHIT AND ERJING AND PEOPLE HURT YOU AND WHAT THE FUCK IS A THUNDER CITY AND NOONE FUCKING CALLED ME ABT THOSE PARTS ONCE

Wu Xie: oh. That stuff.

Li Cu: yeah asshat I’m in the kitchen whenever you’re ready to explain your fucking bullshit. Also you’re out of milk wtf how am I supposed to make breakfast here

Main Chat, 11:14am

Wu Xie: okay so it’s possible I fucked up a little bit.

Wang Pangzi: THERES JUST SO MUCH YOU COULD BE REFERRING TO I DONT KNOW WHERE TO START

Zhang Qiling: What’s wrong?

Honorary Wu Chat, 11:30am

Wang Pangzi: KID IM SO SORRY THAT PUNK IS A TRAINWRECK BUT YOU KNEW THAT

Wang Meng: Welcome home, Li Cu <3 not much has changed, ultimately.

Wang Pangzi: IT DIDNT EVEN OCCUR TO ME THAT HE WOULDNT TELL YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT IT ONCE THE REST OF US FIGURED IT OUT

WAIT HOW DID YOU FIND OUT

Li Cu: it’s okay. not your fault, uncle. Doesn’t matter how I found out. Wait wait hold on what do you mean “the rest of us figured it out” who figured it out

Wang Pangzi: SAY HELLO LIU SANG

Liu Sang: …hello.

Wang Pangzi: SAY MORE THAN THAT.

Liu Sang: uh…so you’re Wu Xie’s protégé, huh?

Li Cu: oh well howdy there homewrecker

Liu Sang: Excuse me??

Zhang Qiling: I think someone on the roof is calling me and I should go find out.

Wang Meng: I would also very much like to be removed from this conversation.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHAHA KIDDO IVE MISSED YOU

Li Cu: all I’m saying is aren’t you the little creep who’s obsessed with Xiao Ge

Liu Sang: ???

Zhang Qiling: Li Cu is referring to a brief period of irrational thought on Wu Xie’s part, where he mistakenly believed you to be a threat to our relationship.

Liu Sang: what do you mean a threat??

Wang Pangzi: WHAT DO YOU MEAN TIANZHEN HAD “A BRIEF PERIOD OF IRRATIONAL THOUGHT”

YOUVE MET YOUR HUSBAND RIGHT

Wang Meng: can you please take me off this chat.

Liu Sang: Wait, so Wu Xie told you about me, but…reading between the lines, he didn’t mention the cancer or anything bad that happened? Oh yikes.

Li Cu: don’t change the subject “Liu Sang”

if that is your real name

Like yeah you’re right abt it but still

just saying

heard you got good ears but I’ve got snake powers

kinda

so like no more funny business okay you superhearing harlot

Wang Meng: LANGUAGE, LI CU. IN THIS HOUSE WE SHOW GOOD MANNERS.

Wang Pangzi: LMAO OH DO WE NOW

Zhang Qiling: Li Cu, this is all unnecessary and childish. Please apologize.

Li Cu: you say that now bruh but apparently you weren’t complaining when he was all “idol this” and “idol that”

oh and hey Wang Meng while we’re here can I show you my business class grade report later bc Wu Xie is all “what matters is that you learned and enjoyed the experience” blah blah all eat pray love you know how he gets and I want to actually discuss areas to improve so that when I take over this joint I do better than Wu Xie? Tho that shouldnt be hard lol

Wang Meng: hurtful but accurate. I’ll bring my best red pen:)

Liu Sang: oh my god. I’m too jetlagged to keep up with any of this.

Wang Pangzi: BEST. DAY. EVER. IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS FOR HEI XIAZI.

Not A Homewrecker Chat, 11:52am

Liu Sang: Okay, we started off on the wrong foot.

Li Cu: I agree let’s start over

Start with how your little prank game almost got ppl killed

Liu Sang: And I seriously regret that. But we moved past that.

Wow, he seriously skipped over so much bullshit but didn’t skimp on mine, huh.

Li Cu: AHA so you ADMIT IT

Liu Sang: I’d like to think I’ve grown since then. That I’ve come to see Xiao Ge as a person and mentor, rather than an idol. I count Pangzi and Wu Xie as my close friends. I’m going to be staying here with them right now, I hope you can be okay with that.

Li Cu: see in my head you were going to be a lot less mature about it and I had a bunch of great follow-up insults planned

Liu Sang: I figured. I’d like us to be friends, though. Or at least not enemies.

Li Cu: okay but only bc you don’t know me yet so you won’t judge too much for this and I need to get this out to somebody I’ve been thinking about it for hours and my friends are still in finals and I’m stressing a little bit maybe

Liu Sang: ?

Li Cu: I yelled at dad

*Wu Xie sorry autocorrect

Liu Sang: …uh huh.

Li Cu: I yelled at him earlier. for keeping all that stuff from me. He started crying

Liu Sang: Wu Xie has been pretty emotional since we got back. Not necessarily your fault.

Li Cu: I made him cry right there at the kitchen sink and it felt like maybe the worst thing I’ve ever done

Snake venom and stabbings, no tears

Me saying I wouldn’t have gone to his funeral, all tears

Which I know was shitty to say but I was really mad

Liu Sang: If it’s any consolation, I think Wu Xie can understand the concept of being led by his emotions to make bad decisions…better than most people.

Li Cu: Xiao Ge came in then and looked weird

Like weirder than usual

Like he didn’t know which of us to be more mad at

Liu Sang: A common problem for the iron triangle, I understand.

Li Cu: I just ran out I didn’t have words right then and I feel stupid

but whenever they come back from their walk I’m gonna say sorry and stuff bc i could’ve come home to his funeral and I’m mad about it but also like. I could have come home to his funeral. I can get mean when I’m in a freakout mood. It’s not like I was scared or anything at all I don’t get scared really anymore ever but just like. Freaked out.

Liu Sang: He’s probably going to say sorry, too.

Li Cu: sorry I called you a homewrecker. Didn’t mean to slut-shame either

Liu Sang: I admit that after the initial shock, it was pretty funny. Super hearing harlot, it should be on my business card;)

Li Cu: this situation with Wu Xie is weird but kinda good ya know. And I have these freakouts sometimes that something maybe bad could happen to this situation. So consider this a shovel talk. But like, also not a shovel talk at the same time.

also I appreciate you saving his life and whatnot

Liu Sang: Noted. Now. Coffee?

Li Cu: sounds sick.

Be in the kitchen in 10. You can pick out what we watch for the household tv show tonight. no way is Wu Xie choosing some dry documentary about gravestone rubbings again. Pangzi just watches real housewives reruns and Xiao Ge won’t watch tv after he caught the last half hour of A Walk To Remember. Also i need my phone now to send some $ to Hei Xiazi since I owe him for…providing some intel

Liu Sang: Not even surprised.

[writingfromkitchenator]

1,500 Followers Challenge!

The Title/Trope Challenge!

Again, thank you all for all your support!  You are all amazing and I truly cannot thank you enough for helping me get this far.  It’s certainly a milestone that I never thought I’d see.

Straight to the challenge!

Basic rules apply ~ there are 30 songs and 30 quotes posted below, pick one from your fandom with your character.  This will be open for a while as 2 requests per song/quote.  The only rule is here is, is that the requests cannot be from the same fandom.  I will try and keep the lists as updated as I can to try and avoid cross overs!

The extra - This time around, send me either a title and/or a trope to base to the fic on.  They can be as weird and wonderful as you want, or something simple.  In your ask, just specify which you are sending me and I’ll do the rest from there!

Recap:

Send me an ask with your request

Include your fandom and character

Choose a song and quote

Give me a title and/or a trope to base the fic on!

In saying that, please remember that this is all just a bit of fun, I’m sure you can have a laugh at some of the quotes below (based off of some of my favourite movies).  Please send all requests through asks, it’s easier for me to keep track of, and let me know of any questions!  It is, of course, okay to request more than once!

For now, there is no closing date, we will just keep going until all the requests are full!  Requests will be closing 1st May.

Further info below the cut.

Songs

Evermore  ~ Dan Stevens (Beauty and the Beast) - Lord of the Rings

Protector  ~ City Wolf - Supernatural and The Hobbit

I  See the Light ~ Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi (Tangled) - Lord of the Rings

I'd  Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That) ~ Meat Loaf - Marvel and Supernatural

Bloodshot  ~ Sam Tinnesz

Let’s  Hear It For The Boy ~ Deniece Williams

All  Eyes On You ~ Smash Into Pieces

Feel  Invincible ~ Skillet

Natural  ~ Imagine Dragons - Lord of the Rings

Wrong  Side Of Heaven ~ Five Finger Death Punch

Shatter  Me ~ Lindsey Stirling Ft. Lzzy Hale - Supernatural

Feeling  Good ~ Nina Simone - The Hobbit and Marvel

Somebody  To Love ~ Queen - The Hobbit and The Witcher

Hurricane  ~ Thirty Seconds to Mars

You  Give Love A Bad Name ~ Bon Jovi - The Hobbit

Girls  Just Wanna Have Fun ~ Cyndi Lauper - Supernatural

Total  Eclipse of the Heart ~ Bonnie Tyler - The Hobbit

Don’t  You (Forget About Me) ~ Simple Minds

Hell  Ain’t a Bad Place to Be ~ AC/DC

Love  Is A War ~ Jeremy Renner

A  Reason to Fight ~ Disturbed - The Witcher

True  Love ~ P!nk ft. Lily Allen - Marvel and Supernatural

Poison  ~ Alice Cooper

Sucker  for Pain ~ Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa & Imagine Dragons w/ Logic & Ty  Dolla $ign ft X Ambassadors (Suicide Squad)

Hello  Hello ~ Elton John ft. Lady Gaga (Gnomeo and Juliet) - Lord of the Rings and Supernatural

I’m  Gonna Be (500 Miles) ~ The Proclaimers - Marvel and Lord of the Rings

I Will Always Love You ~ Whitney Houston  (The Bodyguard) - Supernatural and Lord of the Rings

When You Wish Upon A Star ~ Cliff Edwards  (Pinocchio) - The Hobbit

Raise Hell ~ Dorothy

Leave Me Lonely ~ Imelda May

Quotes

I mean, those people aren't exactly our regular customers. (Legion)

I would not have shown you such mercy. (Legion) - Lord of the Rings

When you hesitate, people die. (Doom)

Yeah, I was thinking about it. (Doom)

Will you please get this child off my leg? (Bedknobs and Broomsticks) - Supernatural

Do you poison the dragon or just the liver? (Bedknobs and Broomsticks)

I don't know about you, but I'd like to make today worth remembering. (The Music Man) - Supernatural and Lord of the Rings

A man can't turn tail and run just because a little personal risk is involved. (The Music  Man) - Marvel

You idiots! You fools! You imbeciles! (101 Dalmatians) - Supernatural

It was a beautiful spring day. Tedious time of the year for bachelors. (101  Dalmatians) - Marvel

I think I am familiar with the fact that you are going to ignore this problem until it  swims up and bites you in the ass. (Jaws) - Lord of the Rings

Smile you son of a bitch! (Jaws)

You never have control, that’s the illusion! (Jurassic Park) - The Hobbit

Boy, do I hate being right all the time.  (Jurassic  Park) - The Witcher

The suspense is terrible.  I hope it'll last. (Willy  Wonka and The Chocolate Factory) - Lord of the Rings

So shines a good deed in a weary world. (Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory)

That was naughty. (The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) - The Hobbit and Supernatural

You broke my heart once. This time you missed. (The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen)

You know, he looks heroic and he walks fast, but he’s kind of got a negative attitude.  (The Meg) - The Lord of the Rings

Yeah, well, I’m not crazy, I’ve just seen things no one else has. (The Meg) - Marvel

Eight years is a long time. Can I make you a cup of tea? (Godzilla) - Marvel

As far as he's concerned, you're just a pair of breasts that talk. (Godzilla) - The Hobbit

Afraid? You don't know what afraid is. You will not last five minutes without me.  (Jumanji) - The Hobbit

Oh, okay, honey. Well, that would be cheating. (Jumanji) - The Hobbit

Carrots? Why is it always carrots? I didn't even eat carrots! (Atlantis: The Lost Empire) - Supernatural

I know what you seek, and you will not find it here. (Atlantis: The Lost Empire) - Supernatural and The Witcher

No. I can't do that, and if you were in my position, you'd do the same. (Alien)

When I give an order I expect to be obeyed. (Alien)

I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier.  (Dogma) - Lord of the Rings

Well, I say we get drunk, because I'm all out of ideas. (Dogma) - Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit

Characters I will write for:

The Hobbit – Thorin, Fili, Kili, Dwalin, Bofur, Nori, Gloin (friends only), Frerin, Thranduil, Bard, Legolas, Bilbo, Lindir, Beorn

The Lord of the Rings – Aragorn, Boromir, Eomer, Faramir, Legolas, Gimli, Frodo, Merry, Pippin, Elrond, Haldir

Supernatural – Sam, Dean, Castiel, Crowley, Gabriel, Lucifer, Benny, Balthazar, Chuck, Garth, Mick, Gadreel, Charlie, Bobby

Marvel – Tony Stark, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Loki, Thor, Peter Quill, Logan, Stephen Strange, Carol Danvers, Sam Wilson, Heimdall

Dragon Age – Alistair, Anders, Cullen, Morrigan, Zevran, Leliana, Fenris, Sebastian, Iron Bull, Dorian, Cassandra, Blackwall, Varric

Harry Potter – Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Neville, Remus, Sirius, Fred, George

Star Trek (Newer Films) – Kirk, Spock, Bones, Scotty

The Witcher (TV Series) – Geralt, Yennefer, Jaskier

Of course, this list isn’t a final thing, if you feel I could write a character, please just send me a message and I’ll let you know if I’m comfortable with it or not.

Please of course note that all drabble requests are reader insert.  I will not do character pairings, but I will change to first/third person if you prefer reading that way.  Y/N will be the standard name though and remain that way.

For any Dragon Age requests, if you wish to appear as a certain race, please let me know.

[ifmywishescametrue]

hnnng, could you please do either “you’re sick and you need to rest” or “you could’ve died” for stevetony? Worrying about an SO is a soft spot for me🥺

thank you for sending me this prompt! hope you like it :) (warning for mentions of torture, btw, but nothing graphic)

In that cave in Afghanistan, Tony keeps seeing flashes of things. Moments from life before all of this come to him in between the shocks of electricity when his head is forced underwater, while he’s sputtering and gasping for breath and can’t understand the words being screamed at him. 

He sees Steve more than anything. Sees blue eyes and a bright smile and if he tries hard enough he can almost hear the laugh that comes with it. Sometimes it’s that first day again, with roaming hands and a rush to get off in the bathroom of some party he didn’t want to be at, followed by an easy grin and the promise to do that again sometime. He sees Steve on his couch surrounded by take out containers and the reassurance that absolutely none of it counted as a date. Morning pancakes that supposedly meant nothing, and Steve sneaking under the desk in his office. Pencil scratches on sketch pads that used to wake him up, cold feet pressed against his calves, his favorite muffins from that bakery downtown that used to just appear out of nowhere when he was having a bad day, and the way that Steve would never admit that it was him doing it. 

It’s that last night he remembers the most. He can almost hear the words whispered in the dead of night and remembers the ones he held back, because Tony has never known how to be completely honest. He didn’t know how to say that this casual friends with benefits things was starting to feel less like friends and more like love, but when he lays down with his aching chest and bleeding fingers on the poor excuse for a cot at night, he wishes more than anything that he could have found the words before. 

So he builds the suit and practices the right thing to say for when he makes it out. If he makes it out. If this ridiculous plan of his doesn’t result in him dying somewhere in the middle of the desert, just another body added to the pile of deaths he’s caused. 

He almost doesn’t believe it when he lives. His knees hit the scorching sand, and Rhodey’s arms are right there, and still all he can think about is whether or not Steve mourned at all when they all thought he was dead. 

In the plane, after the hospital at the army base and all the IV lines to fix the three months of dehydration and malnutrition, he works up the nerve to ask about it. 

“Steve,” he starts, voice hoarse enough that he pauses to clear his throat, unwilling to sound so affected. “Is he - did he -” He stops, settling for asking, “Have you talked to him?”

Rhodey leans forward on his elbows, closing some of the distance that the aisle between them created. He pulls out his phone and taps for a moment before turning the screen to face Tony. Steve’s name is at the top, and Rhodey scrolls through the string of messages with enough speed that Tony can’t actually read any of them, but he gets the point anyway.

“This is just the last couple of weeks,” Rhodey says. “Never stopped asking for updates, especially when we found you. Called so much I told him I was going to put a virus on his phone to redirect him to random strangers if he kept it up. He didn’t listen.”

Tony swallows around the lump in his throat and looks away towards the window. 

“We weren’t supposed to be anything,” Tony murmurs, watching the way the sky is fading from orange into blue, clouds obscuring the ocean below them. It’s still a few more hours until California, where he hopes that Steve is still waiting for him. “We said it was nothing.”

Rhodey hums, both noncommittal and suggestive at the same time, and Tony turns his head back to look at him. “What?”

Rhodey shrugs, “I didn’t say anything.”

“But you want to.”

“I don’t spill secrets that aren’t mine to tell.”

Tony’s brow furrows. “What does that even mean?”

“It means he’ll be there when we land, and if you try to pretend that it’s still nothing, I’m putting your ass back on the plane until you find your common sense somewhere.”

Tony bites his lip and shakes his head, staring down at his hands, “I wasn’t going to pretend. I just - I didn’t know if he cared anymore. It’s been a few months, and we weren’t… There was never a promise for commitment. He could’ve found somebody else. Anyone else.”

Rhodey gives him a look, that fondly exasperated one he does so well. “Nice to know you’re still a dumbass.”

It startles a laugh from and makes his abused lungs twinge, but it feels good to laugh again. “Takes more than a few months to knock the dumbass out of me.”

The topic falls away after that, because Tony can’t say what he feels, and Rhodey knows anyway. He switches the conversation over to the start of the baseball season that Tony missed, complaining about the Phillies like Tony’s heard every year since he was fifteen. It’s easy and passes the time until Tony ends up falling asleep for the rest of the flight.

His muscles are stiff and uncomfortable when he wakes with a start a couple of hours later, heart racing and on edge when he doesn’t immediately recognize his surroundings. Rhodey puts a hand on his knee, and Tony jumps initially before calming. It makes Rhodey’s eyes turn sad for a moment, then it’s hidden away again. 

“Come on,” Rhodey says softly, gripping Tony by the elbow of his good arm to help him up. “We’re here.”

There’s still a slight limp in his step when he walks off the plane from bruises and scars that are still healing. He sees Pepper first, with her red hair shining in the sun, but his gaze gets stuck on the person next to her. 

Steve straightens from where he’s leaning against the black car, and Tony wishes he was in better condition so he could run to him. It would have been romantic, he thinks, like something out of one of those movies he’d never even seen before Steve came into his life. There would have been some grand, sweep-him-off-his-feet moment with declarations and pretty words and violins coming from somewhere. 

Instead Steve meets him halfway, with a quivering chin like he might start to cry. There are dark circles under his eyes, and his hair is too long, and his five o’clock shadow is almost an actual beard now. 

He’s the best thing Tony’s ever seen. 

“Hey,” Tony says, because he can’t remember a single one of those things he planned before. 

Steve smiles, and it’s only a little shaky, “Hey yourself.”

Rhodey and Pepper disappear with the shutting of the car door, leaving the two of them standing there in the middle of the empty runway. Steve takes the first step, but Tony takes the second, and then Steve’s chest is beneath his cheek, and his arms are around his shoulders. 

Tony holds on to him like a lifeline, fingers clutched in his t-shirt, and he can feel the warmth of him seeping into his skin. Steve’s hands are all over, as if checking to make sure he’s all actually there and in one piece. 

Steve steps back a little, a small frown on his face. He reaches his hand up to Tony’s chest, and Tony tenses at the first light press against the reactor case.

“What…” Steve trails off, eyes flickering between Tony’s chest and his face, and Tony undoes two of the buttons on his shirt to show him. 

The scars around it are marred and red, with raised edges that serve to make it look even worse than it is. Steve makes a sound like a choked back sob, and Tony grabs his wrist to put his hand on the reactor. It’s a little terrifying to let him touch it, but if there’s anyone he knows would never hurt him, it’s Steve. 

“It’s okay,” Tony murmurs. “It keeps me alive.”

“You could’ve died,” Steve whispers, fingers spreading out over the light of the reactor. “I thought you - I didn’t want to think it, but it was hard not to. Rhodey kept saying that you wouldn’t let yourself go out like that. You’d be all or nothing, and it wasn’t big enough. And Pepper, well, she basically said exactly what did happen. That you’d find a way out. I tried to believe it, too, but I just kept thinking that you could be gone, and we’d never - I’d never get the chance to make this real.”

Tony looks up at him, breath catching in his throat. “I thought about you every day, you know. I almost told you how I felt about you on that last night. Came so close to saying it, but I just -”

“I know,” Steve says, and with his other hand he cups Tony’s cheek. “You don’t have to say it. I already know.”

“Yeah?”

Steve nods, leaning in closer, and his lips brush against Tony’s when he says, “Yeah, sweetheart, I know.”

[detectivejay-chuckles-halstead]

Thanks // Part 9 // Jay Halstead x Reader

Description: A step forward in their relationship and a visit to Mouse starts putting things into perspective. 

Words: 2527

Warning: Smutty goodness, NSFW

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader, Jay Halstead x Mouse!Platonic, Reader x Mouse!Platonic

A/N: Part 9 is finally out! The moment we’ve all been waiting for. With the requests and school, it’s given me time to really feel like I can work on this and make it worthy of you guys reading it, since it’s not the only thing I’m working on any more. Which means updates will be more spaced out, but I hope it’s worth the wait.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

When you began to rouse from your sleep, you almost forgot that you’d fallen asleep with someone in your bed. Strong arms were wrapped around you from behind, holding you to his chest. His leg was situated between yours, and the last thing you wanted to do was leave the bed. Or wake him up. The last time you’d experienced him asleep, he’d been in the midst of a nightmare. Now, he seemed to be sleeping soundly. Carefully, you turned in his arms to face him, fingers dancing along his facial features. 

“This is a good way to wake up,” he mumbled, eyes still closed. 

“I think I can agree.” You didn’t let him open his eyes before pressing a kiss to his lips, which he gladly accepted, pulling you closer until your bodies were flush. 

It was a lazy kiss, lips moving slowly as you relaxed into him. His hands roamed along your hips and back. Your hands were just as curious, pushing your palms up under his shirt to slide along his back and over to his chest. The lazy kiss took an unexpected turn as he pulled you on top of him, your knees on each side of his hips. 

It was slightly different than you were used to because of his situation. Your foot brushed against his left leg, but your right foot met the blanket. You didn’t dwell on it though, especially not as his hands firmly held onto your waist, pulling your hips down into his. The change of pace, the sudden contact, all of it made you gasp. Jay taking full advantage, tongue slipping past your lips to begin exploring you further. 

Your hands rested on his shoulders, which gave you the upper-hand to finally pull away, panting for air. Jay looked up at you, lust evident in his eyes. You almost had to remind yourself why you stopped when you continued to look at him, lips red from the intensity of that make-out session, cheeks flushed. 

“If we keep going…” you told him softly, knowing you’d never want to stop. Honestly, you didn’t want to stop in the first place. But he’d made it clear the night before that he wasn’t entirely ready, and you weren’t going to push it. 

“Yeah…” he agreed with a tired smile, pulling you back down to his lips. 

It was instinct as you moaned softly into his mouth, hands finding the hem of his shirt. As if he knew what you were doing, he sat up, allowing you to slide his shirt up and over his head, letting it fall to the side of the bed before lips met again. You let your hands glide along the now exposed skin of his chest and stomach, along his arms. Feeling the muscles under your fingers, feel each ridge and imperfection. 

He followed suit a minute or so later, pulling your tank top up. Once it was off, his eyes scanned your exposed torso, hands running along your ribs to your breasts. Your eyes fluttered closed at the contact, a soft sigh coming from your lips. When you looked at him again, there was that same cocky smile. 

“You sure about this, Jay?” you asked softly, trailing your lips along the angle of his jaw to his neck. 

“No,” he admitted, “but I don’t want to stop.” You hesitated, your eyes meeting familiar green. “Don’t stop,” he said again, kissing you. 

If he was okay with it, you weren’t going to say no. You wanted him on so many different levels that it felt a bit overwhelming. It had been so long since you’d felt this way about somebody, and now that you were with him it didn’t feel real. As if this was some dream you were going to sadly awaken from. Feeling his lips on your shoulder, though, trailing down to your chest was enough to make you realize this was actually happening. 

You couldn’t help it as your hips ground down into his, eliciting a moan from him against your skin. As much as you were enjoying this, you wanted him. And it was fairly evident that he wanted you in the same way. 

“Jay,” you sighed, leaning back to hook your thumbs in the waistband of his shorts, looking at him as if asking for permission. 

“Don’t stop,” he said again with a small nod. 

That was enough for you to pull his shorts down, getting up off his lap to let him get them off the rest of the way. It was your opportunity to take your own shorts off. It was the first time seeing Jay in all of his glory. It was also the first time to see all the marks marring his skin. It caught you off guard more than anything, fingers reaching out to gently trace some of them. He took a deep breath, eyes not leaving your face as you took it all in. 

“Jay,” you said softly. 

You’d been through med school, knew what some of the marks meant. Others seemed like they had been more superficial. You wondered how many were from the war, how many were from protecting the city of Chicago. There were some that you even wondered were self-inflicted, though you knew better than to ask. He’d talk about those if he was ever ready, if he ever trusted you enough with that information. 

You said nothing else, bringing your hands up to each side of his face, holding him firmly as you looked at his eyes, full of worry and fear. There were no words to express what you were thinking, so instead, you pressed a hungry kiss to his mouth. His hands gripped your waist, pulling you to him, feeling him press against you with need and desire. A small reposition and he was sliding into you, gasping into his mouth with eyes shut, allowing yourself to just feel. 

You settled onto his lap, adjusting before opening your eyes to look at him again, hands moving to the back of his neck and shoulders. It felt like electricity wherever the two of you met -- hands, lips, chest, thighs, where you were joined. You tried to focus on his face, on how his lips were slightly parted, how he tried to keep his eyes open to look at you. 

Slowly, you rolled your hips, using him as leverage for your motions. You kept a fairly slow pace, your moans mingling with his as his hands continued to roam the expanse of your skin. Eventually, you had to pick up the pace, desire continuing to build as you kissed him again, tongue exploring his taste. 

“Y/N,” he moaned against your lips, hands tangling in your hair.

You were getting close, changing the angle slightly. That elicited a groan from your partner, your lips pressing against his neck between your soft pants, skin slick with a thin film of sweat. It took a couple more rolls of your hips for your toes to curl, tightening around him as a flood of ecstasy flowed through your veins with a choked out moan coming from the back of your throat. Jay’s hands held onto your hips, keeping you moving until he followed close behind. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to move off him for another minute, pressing slow, soft kisses against his neck, up this jaw, across his cheeks, until you reached his lips. 

“That was…” he said softly, looking at you with that signature smile. 

“Yeah. You feeling okay?” you asked, knowing the night before he had significant hesitations, and that morning it all seemed to disappear overnight. 

“Amazing actually. I trust you, more than anybody else. And it’s crazy and not like me, but I can’t just ignore that feeling, Y/N,” he answered, kissing you again. “As much as I never want to let you leave this bed, we should probably head out soon.” 

“You think Mouse is going to be happy about this?” Jay just nodded, tracing patterns on your back before you moved off him back to your side of the bed. Realization seemed to hit Jay as soon as you covered yourself with the sheet. “I have an IUD,” you quickly assured him. “I’m going to go hop in the shower real quick.” 

He pulled you to him, giving you another kiss with a smile before letting you up. The hot water felt good against your skin, but nothing compared to Jay’s touch. You were falling for him, and it was hard and fast and catching you completely off guard. It wasn’t like you to invite someone up to your apartment after the first date, or to sleep with them after the first date either. But Jay had not only stayed the night, but you’d had an amazing morning with him.

By the time you got out of the shower and dressed, Jay had already gotten changed into a pair of jeans and a different t-shirt than the one he’d gone to bed in. You figured he had more than just gym clothes in that bag of his. Not only that, but he’d started a pot of coffee. You came up behind him, arms wrapping around his waist from behind and pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades before resting your cheek there. His hands came down to yours, gently swaying at the contact. 

“I could wake up like that more often,” he told you, grabbing two travel mugs out of the cabinet and setting them down on the counter. 

“What changed your mind, Jay?” you asked him. “Not that I’m complaining, ‘cause that was a great way to start your day. But after last night, I was expecting a few more weeks of waiting.” 

“I didn’t want to be scared anymore. Like you said before, this is the Jay you know. And I don’t know. Just hearing you say that you were willing to go at my pace, not pushing it made me realize that you care about how I feel about it all. Truly, the psychiatrist. I didn’t want to be scared about it with you,” he answered softly. 

“I just wanted to make sure you didn’t agree because you knew I wanted to,” you admitted, your voice muffled by his shirt. 

“No. No coercion happened. I promise. Now, let’s go visit Mouse.” You could hear the smile.   

The ride down to the nursing home was spent talking about work, about the possible game plan for applying for guardianship of Mouse. Jay seemed to be very excited about it all, knowing it was possible to bring his friend closer to his home. That he’d be able to help Mouse a lot more than just sitting back and watching him just exist and not get to live. He wasn’t his disability, far from it, yet he was treated like such. It seemed to be a sore spot for Jay, understanding the notion. 

When you got down there, Mouse was sitting in his wheelchair next to the window like always. Jay sat next to him in his usual spot, you taking a seat on the opposite side as the three of you looked out the window. It didn’t take long for Mouse to say something. 

“Outside?” he asked, the excitement evident in his voice. 

“Yeah, Mouse. Let’s go outside,” Jay agreed, standing and walking to the patio with him. You followed close behind, shooting Jay a smile. The three of you got situated on the patio. 

“I want to run an idea by you,” Jay told his friend, looking over at the man. You weren’t sure if you should stay or go, but by the look on Jay’s face you figured it would be okay to stay a little longer before leaving the two alone for a while. 

“Hmm?” Mouse hummed, continuing to look out at the trees. 

“Well, how would you feel if I told you I might be able to move you back to Chicago?” Jay asked, a smile forming on Mouse’s face as he looked over at him. 

“Home,” he said simply, Jay nodding in agreement. 

“Yeah, back home. You’d still be in a place like this, but Y/N would help me pick out a good one. And I’d be able to visit more often. Or we could take trips to the lake or to parks. You wouldn’t be stuck in here all the time, Mouse,” he explained. “And they wouldn’t give you those medications that make you tired as often. But it might take a while. Is that something you’d like?”

“Want home,” he agreed with a jerky nod. 

“I would have to apply through the legal system to become your guardian, Mouse. Instead of how it is now where the State of Illinois gets to make the decisions for you. I would be making the decisions about your medical care, how you live. And I wouldn’t make a decision without it being okay with you first. Is that okay?” You could tell he was trying to keep the explanation simple, not wanting to confuse his friend. 

“Yeah. Home,” Mouse agreed again, Jay’s smile reaching his eyes. You stood up, coming up behind Jay and leaning down. 

“I’m going to give you two some time. I’ll be back in a bit,” you told him, Jay turning his head to look at you with a smile and a small nod. You kissed his cheek before walking away, getting inside before Mouse spoke again.

“Told you. Pretty,” Mouse told Jay with a smile. 

“That you did, buddy. We went on a date last night, and I stayed the night at her place,” he told Mouse. “She’s so patient, so understanding. It’s a nice change of pace from Erin. I feel like I can just exist around her, that I don’t have to hide anything.”

“Nightmares?” Mouse then asked. 

“After I got shot, she stayed the night at my place one night that I wasn’t doing too good. She knows about them. And she handles them pretty good. Maybe one day I’ll tell her about the accident.” Mouse nodded again.

“She...good for you. Jay’s happy.” Jay couldn’t help but smile at Mouse’s statement, knowing it was true. 

“I am happy, dude. She makes me really happy. But, having you in Chicago is going to make me happy too. You and me against the world, like always. Just, now we have a third, making our duo a trio.” 

The rest of the day went by smoothly, you joining them again for dinner before taking Mouse to his room. 

“Y/N,” Mouse said as the aid started to walk in. Jay had headed to the restroom before you left, leaving you with the other man. You looked at him, eyes meeting. He was in there, you could see it. “Jay happy. Take care.”

“I’ll take care of him, Mouse. I promise,” you assured him. “We’re going to head home, but we’ll see you next week.” Mouse yawned as he nodded, the aide taking care of him from there. 

When you met up with Jay, he kissed you softly before walking out to the car. It was going to be an adventure with him, you could tell that already. It was going to have its ups and downs, but you knew you wanted to be in it for the long run. You hadn’t been more sure about anything else in your life.

Tag List: @yzas-stuff​ @gemmafountainloves @ceiliesla @corebore123​ @annaallicce​ @fullwattpadmusictree​ @bethii1​ @thevelvetseries​ @mich-lynne3 @itmejado​ @music-is-my-escape71 @not-onlyedmlyrics​ @supergirl000983​ @mandybug39 @okiegirl24​ @haileymatthewss​ @httphiddlestan​ @capmanranger​ @ahhh0ahhh @bookgiver​ @daenerys-targaryes​ @galacticsmoon​ @beachfan412 @wearesodrica @danielacastellon @genericcaner @halsteadsway​ @theskytraveler​ @miranda0102​ @amyarondottir​ @onechicago18​ @lovecatystuff​ @doramstr​ @itsdesiree86​ @raveenasblog​ @smalltowngirly05​ @formulahockey @lookatallthefeels @carlimel @talicat713​ @paulafdez99​ @hehurst23​ @zizzlekwum​

[angelsfalling16]

Somebody That I Used To Know

Summary: Simon succeeded in his quest to convince the Mage and the rest of the Coven that Baz is a threat to Watford in fifth year, but as he goes into his eighth year, he begins to wonder if he made a mistake. Now Baz is on the run, and Simon is beginning to realize that not only has he ruined Baz’s life, he’s ruined his own as well. But Simon Snow refuses to let either of their stories end that way.

Word Count: 1569

A/N: Based on this prompt from @carryonprompts

I'm not sure how often I'll be updating this fic because I don't have an outline currently. I kind of want to try just writing and see where the story takes me. I'll update as I go, and maybe I'll create an outline later on.

Read it on ao3

***

Simon

Two years. That's how long it's been since I finally managed to get Baz kicked out of Watford for being a danger to me and the rest of the students. Two years since Mage put a price on his head. Two years since Baz went into hiding. But it's only been three months since the last time I saw him.

Three months that I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. Three months of sitting in that care home wondering if Baz was okay. If he was alive.

He looked close to death the last time I saw him, and as I think back on that meeting, I wonder whether the harshness of his new life managed to swallow him up.

It was the end of the year and while everyone else was at the end-of-year ceremony, I was trudging through the Wavering Woods, not looking forward to another summer in the homes.

I was using my sword to cut through the wildlife growing around and tangling between the trees, enjoying the feel of it in my hand one last time before I wasn’t allowed to summon it again for a few months. I heard a strange noise behind me and spun around on my heel to look for the source.

That was when someone stepped out of the shadows, leaning on a tree as if for support. It wasn’t just anyone, though. It was—.

“Baz,” I gasped in astonishment. It wasn’t just surprise at seeing him for the first time in two years. It was surprise at his appearance.

When I thought about Baz, I remembered how he always looked so nicely dressed, his hair slicked back, not a hair out of place or wrinkle in his shirt. But now…now he was nearly unrecognizable.

He was wearing ripped and muddy jeans and a shirt that seemed to be more stain than cloth. And his hair…well, it looked like it hadn’t seen shampoo in weeks. It was well past his shoulders falling in ratty, tangled waves. I couldn’t remember a time Baz had let his appearance look like this, like he no longer cared what he looked like.

The few times that I had allowed myself to imagine where Baz had gone when he took off at the end of fifth year, I never conjured up an image quite like this.

I always saw him sequestered in a nice hotel, blowing his father’s money, who by the way had refused to help find his son, and living a nicer life than I would ever have. I saw him living a happy life, finally free of me and schoolwork. But it turns out that I wasn’t even close, and I have to wonder why Baz hasn’t tried to use his magic to fix his clothing or cut his hair.

And that was when I remembered.

When Fiona had stormed into mine and Baz’s room at the top of Mummers house after the news broke that Baz was missing, she tore through his stuff, looking for anything that could be used to figure out where he had gone. But all of his stuff was gone. Everything except his uniform, which she found hanging in his otherwise empty wardrobe. She pulled it out and patted it down as if Baz might have shrunk himself down and hidden himself along the folds of it. After a moment of searching it, she pulled out his wand from the pocket of his Watford-issued blazer, surprising even me

Baz hadn’t taken his wand with him, which meant he was defenseless in a world that now wanted him dead. He had completely cut himself off from the world of mages.

So, why was he back, two years later?

I didn’t know, but when I saw him, I figured Baz was there to kill me to prove that he really is the monster I had accused him of being, to get back at me for blowing his biggest secret, but he didn’t even try to fight me off when I shoved him up against a tree and thrust the tip of my sword under his chin. He almost went willingly in fact.

It was like he didn’t care. But not in that arrogant way I remembered him being. It was more like Baz had lost all hope and what little life may have been in him. He was a completely different person from the boy I used to know.

At that realization, I released him and took a step back. I kept my sword out, though, just in case, but lowered it to my side, knowing Baz wasn’t likely to attack me any time soon.

“What are you doing here, Baz?” I asked. “Watford is the last place you should be.”

“I know, but I had to come back. Even if it meant risking my life.”

“Why?”

“Because this is the only place that has ever felt like home to me.” He was being so frank about it that it almost scared me. Why was he confiding in me like this? And where had he been all this time?

“It’s the last day of term,” Baz continued, not waiting for me to respond. “I didn’t think anyone would be out here. But of course, you are.” He sneered, and I felt like I was being sent back in time, to all the times Baz and I had argued over the years.

The fist fights and snide remarks. The tearing of each other down. But maybe it’s true how people get wiser as they get older because when I looked back on all of that, I didn’t see Baz as some evil vampire. I just saw a boy that was a little different from everyone else. A boy whose life I ruined

The guilt began to eat at me, and once I began to question what I thought I had known about Baz, I couldn’t stop until I began questioning everything.

Had I been wrong about Baz? Was he really evil or was he just a guy who liked to take the piss out of me? Had I overreacted and used his being a vampire as an excuse to get rid of the guy I couldn’t stand? Was I really that selfish?

Even if the coven hadn’t fully believed that Baz was a vampire, after the whole thing with the chimera that day in the woods, they couldn’t deny that Baz was a danger to his classmates and decided that he would not be allowed to return to Watford after the end of the term. By the end of the year, the Mage had taken that and run with it. Using it for more fuel in his fight against the Old Families, he put out a warrant for Baz, dead or alive. And then Baz was gone the next day. I woke up to a room devoid of all artifacts belonging to Baz and couldn’t tell if I had finally won or somehow lost.

The Mage barged in not long after, his men trailing close behind him, to arrest Baz, but he was too late. No one had seen Baz since that day.

Not until I found him in the woods.

“Baz—.” I began, but I wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence. An apology would never suffice, and it would never fix what I had ruined. Two years ago, I had ruined Baz’s life, and maybe my own as well in the process.

Baz shook his head. “It’s too late. There is nothing you can say that will make things better. This is my life now, for however long it lasts.”

I wanted to argue with him, tell him that I could fix things, but I could barely open my mouth before Baz turned and took off, disappearing in the blink of an eye using his vampire speed, leaving me standing there feeling like everything I had ever known was wrong and like there was a possibility that I had been wrong about Baz all this time.

I should have run straight to the Mage, burst into the middle of the ceremony, to report seeing Baz so that we could lead a manhunt (vampire hunt, technically) through the woods, but I didn't. Instead, I went up to my lonely room at the top of the tower to pack his things. I had stood at the open window, looking out at the woods, for a long time before I decided that I would find a way to make this right. I wouldn’t let things end like that.

It’s the beginning of eighth year now, and nothing is the same. And yet everything is. The beginning of term is just like it is every year, but I can’t find the relief and joy I usually find to be coming back here. I’m not sure how everyone is acting like everything is fine without Baz here. Then, I wonder how I have managed it for the last two years.

Maybe I am the one who isn’t the same anymore. I changed the moment I saw Baz in those woods, and now I have to do something to make things whole again, to make it where Baz can safely return to Watford.

I have to save Baz, which is the last thing I thought I would ever be doing after working so hard to get rid of him.

[high-supernatural]

Growing Close

Kai Parker x Female Reader/Character

Word Count: 1994 (ironic, lol)

Warnings: typical tvd themes, S.Assault mentions/details, trauma themes, surgery, blood (it’s a little gruesome but I cope through writing, so just be warned it can be triggering)

Summary: Kai and V grew pretty close over the weeks. Something happens to V and he is forced to handle it like a human. 

***since y’all like the one shots better than the series, I’m gonna write one shots for female readers under the name V for what I would’ve/will write in the series***

It has been a few weeks since Kai and V kissed. They grew closer in their own way. Neither of them wanted to admit their feelings for each other, they honestly didn’t know how to identify or describe those feelings anyways. All they both knew is that they wanted to be near each other always.

They started doing more things together. Instead of telling the other where they’d be in case something happened, they’d go together. They’d eat, drink, and just hang out together almost all the time. They still liked pushing each other’s boundaries, but now they were more comfortable doing it more intensely.

V liked to watch Kai get flustered when she’d walk out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel and change in front of him, claiming it was what they did in her world so he shouldn’t worry about it. Kai liked to push boundaries with physical touch. He’d always be touching her in some way – surprise hugs from behind, “accidental” grazes and bumps, losing all concept of personal space.

Neither of them minded, but neither of them wanted to make an actual move on each other either.

Those few weeks were the best weeks either of them has had in a long time. There were no real expectations, no fights being had, nobody’s life to save… just vibes.

V left in the middle of the night one night and left Kai a note saying her friend called and that she’d be back in a few hours. When Kai woke up in the morning and saw the note but didn’t see her, he worried.

Kai called her friend and was told V never showed up, so he began searching town for any leads, coming up empty on each one before deciding to call it a night and try again early the next morning.

He didn’t know what to feel. He started off worried that something had happened, but as more and more leads turned out to be dead ends, he thought she might have left for good, and his emotions became unsettling.

He was proved wrong though. As he was dozing off he heard somebody fumbling with the door of the motel room and got up to investigate before V came through it, half asleep and looking like hell. She opened the door and took two grumbled steps inside before her knees buckled and Kai caught her by placing an arm around her waist, kneeling down with her and pushing the door closed.

He got down on one knee to lay her head on and tried to wake her up, but she wouldn’t. She was breathing, and her heart was beating, it just seemed as though she was in a deep sleep Kai couldn’t understand.

A thousand possibilities raced through his mind. He saw her messy hair and bruises on her skin, but it still didn’t explain why she was asleep. He thought maybe something magic happened at first, so he tried to reverse it with no avail.

That’s when he carried her into the bathroom fireman style, thinking that putting her in the shower and turning the water on would wake her up like it does in the movies.

When they got into the bathroom, he got a glimpse of the back of her legs where her skirt wasn’t covering, and it all made more sense. He saw bruises in the shapes of bites and handprints, and realized that she wasn’t being attacked with magic, she was being attacked by regular people and rufies, and he became more frantic to get her conscious.

He didn’t know what to do. He had never experienced anything like this. He stuck to his shower theory and got in with her with all of their clothes on, pleading with her to wake up and tell him what happened, saying that he’s sorry and he should have been with her to prevent anything from happening.

His theory proved him wrong, she didn’t wake up in the 30 minutes he had sat there with her waiting, so he decided she should sleep it off. He took just her shirt and skirt off and wrapped her in a robe so she wouldn’t sleep in totally wet clothes. For what felt like days, he laid next to her waiting for her to wake up.

This had been the only time Kai could actually get inside of her mind; she was in a fragile state. He could see inside her mind and saw exactly what had happened. Instead of letting her remember everything, he modified her memories to make her believe she had gone for a walk, got into a fight, and came back with the bruises she had. He figured she would like that memory better than the reality and would deal with loopholes as they came, but hoped they never did.

He had expected her to wake up the next morning, but she didn’t, she was still just sleeping. He had woken by cold air as V had rolled all of the covers onto her. Kai leaned over to try to wake her, thinking she had woken and got cold, but when he leaned over, he felt her shivering and burning up. He remembered what she did when he had a fever and wet a washcloth with cold water to put over her forehead and continued watching over her, waiting for her to wake up.

He felt an unfamiliar feeling through all of this – he felt worried and didn’t know what to do about it, but also knew that V wouldn’t want anybody to know about it, so he took to google and was only met with a world of information that was useless to him in this moment. All throughout the day she was shivering and coughing in her sleep, and he couldn’t do anything to help.

To pass his time while she slept he decided to open her journal again to read the letters she had wrote to the Kai she knew in her world because the sudden silence from her began eating at him. He began to search for them, getting lost in each page she had wrote on in the process. More new emotions washed over him but he couldn’t tear his eyes off the pages. There had been so much she never told him about, so many boundaries he pushed that could’ve been triggers for her that she let him push. He felt a little guilty at this fact, even more so when he found the letters he was looking for. 

He read so much expression of pain and loss she felt towards the Kai she knew in her world, and so much joy and borderline possessiveness in the letter he found that she had addressed to him that she never delivered. He felt a new type of way towards her that he couldn’t describe, but he knew he had to do whatever he could to keep her near him.

She woke up late that night as Kai was dozing off and stumbled into the bathroom disoriented. He woke up to groggily ask if she was okay, but she didn’t answer.

He sat up and listened as the shower turned on and she got inside. He heard her coughing a lot more and just closed his eyes to listen, knowing there wasn’t anything he could do. It wasn’t until he heard silence that he wished she was coughing again.

Kai walked into the bathroom and asked V if she was okay before opening the shower when she didn’t respond. He saw blood on her lips and realized she had been coughing blood, then he saw a growing bruise on her lower stomach and panic came across him when she really wouldn’t wake up this time.

His magic still wasn’t helping. For once in his life, he couldn’t do anything but be a human and rush her to the hospital.

The hospital staff bombarded Kai with questions and wouldn’t let him near V by Jo’s orders. Feelings of helplessness grew extreme as he sat in the waiting room for hours with no updates.

Eventually, Jo approached Kai as he stood up to hear her immediate accusations.

“What did you do to that girl,” Jo said with an angry attitude.

“I didn’t do anything I—” Jo cut him off, “I have a hard time believing you. We just had to remove her ovary in the worst case of trauma and internal bleeding I have seen in my career thanks to whatever you did,” she finished angrier than before.

Kai had a look of sadness and remorse wash over him, “she’s my best friend, Jo, you have to believe me… I didn’t do anything,” Kai almost pleaded with her, “we’ve been staying together for months, since before the merge, she left one night and came back the next, she wouldn’t wake up, I didn’t know what to do—”

Jo cut him off again, “yeah, well, you also murdered your family, I wouldn’t put it past you to do something this horrific.”

“If I was the one who did this, why would I bring her here,” Kai asked, “if anybody knows my tact it’s you, I wouldn’t have brought her here if I did.”

Jo processed what he had said for a moment. “Either you suddenly gained a conscious or you’ve gone crazy then. Cops will be here to take her statement soon, I suggest you stay out of their way,” she snapped and walked away.

Kai figured out what room she was in by looking into every room until he found her sitting up in her hospital bed with her legs hanging over.

He walked in and locked the door behind him, “what are you doing, you need to be resting,” he said, placing his hand on her shoulder trying to get her to lay back down.

“If I’m gonna die it’s not gonna be in a hospital with zero interior design aesthetic,” she said swaying slightly from the morphine, “just do me a favor and grab my clothes so we can get out of here before people start asking questions I don’t know the answer to.”

Kai grabbed her bag out of the small cabinet in her room and handed her clothes. She slid her way off the bed and avoided standing on the leg on the side she had surgery on, grabbing onto the bed so she wouldn’t fall as Kai watched, unsure of what to do now knowing that she’s always set in her ways and won’t argue them. He figured it was easier to help so she wouldn’t hurt herself than it would be to try and stop her.

She grabbed her shirt and dropped it when trying to unfold it. Kai grabbed it before she could process that it slipped from her hands – morphine is one hell of a drug.

“Here, lemme help you,” he said rolling her shirt to put it on her.

“I got it,” she tried arguing and grabbing her shirt from him before he slid it over her head faster than she could reach for it.

She struggled to find the arm holes but found them soon enough before throwing herself on the bed to put her sweatpants on the fastest she could in her morphine state.

V let out a dramatic breath and went to grab her backpack, but Kai got to it first and snatched it before she could, “I got it,” he mumbled.

She looked at him as if she was processing what he said, “I’m gonna find a wheelchair,” he spoke against the silence.

“I’m not about to roll out of here riding bitch in a wheelchair… we gonna stroll like mob bosses,” she chuckled and took a few steps before Kai rushed beside her and put her arm around his neck, compromising a wheelchair for someone to hold onto just in case.

Kai drove back to the motel where she promptly made a bee line to the bed and fell back asleep for another half a day. Kai threw her bag down before walking over to cover her up and sit beside her to read more google searches on his phone.

When she woke up the next afternoon she was starving and ate while trying to get the story from Kai. His first loophole, questioning.

“You uh… you left in the middle of the night to go to Audrey’s and left me a note. On the way there a group of people tried to jump you, you got stabbed and came back here,” Kai explained with extreme nervousness.

She just nodded and said, “okay, and then? I don’t remember almost four whole days there has to be more.”

“I don’t know. You had a concussion, wouldn’t wake up, and were bleeding really bad, magic wasn’t helping so I took you to the hospital,” he lied again, “you don’t remember because they had you on a lot of morphine.”

“Hm, weird,” was all V said, “wanna watch a movie?”

Kai was more than relieved that she didn’t ask more questions.

[marvelslut16]

Almost lost him

Pairing: James ‘Rhodey’ Rhodes x Stark!reader 

Synopsis: Tony’s little sister had always had feelings for one James R. Rhodes. She’s kept it a secret for years, but will everything come out after he is injured during the fight against Cap?

word count: 2.4k+

Warnings: Brief cannon violence. Angst. Mentions paralysis. Swearing. Age gap. Also I have a specific age for the character mentioned. 

A/N: This has been sitting in my WIP’s for over a year because I loved it so much and I didn’t want to end it poorly lmao. I know no ones gonna read it since he isn’t a popular character, but oh well. I love this fic and I love Rhodey so that’s all that matters. 

Tony and (Y/N) Stark have saved the world from terrorists once again.

“Can you believe this title?” you laugh showing Rhodey the article on your phone. 

“I was there too,” he says gruffly. 

“You just aren’t special enough,” you tease, sticking your tongue out like you’re five and not thirty-six. 

“Not everyone’s lucky enough to be a Stark,” Tony, your annoying but lovable older brother, enters the compound’s kitchen.

Tony took you under his wing and raised you since your parents died. It was a lot for a twenty-one year old to handle, no one he knew had to take care of an eleven year old. Especially one with newly discovered powers. They weren’t much, but when emotions would get overwhelming you would have white colored beams come from your hands. This later helped Tony come up with the idea for the repulsors on his Iron Man suit, which you helped him build.

As the years passed, you got a better hold on your new found powers. The more you and Tony dug into your parents past, you started to think that your dad had either given you something when you were a baby or your mom was given something while pregnant to make you like this. Your Dad always called you special, but you never thought you were this special.

“Any progress with Steve?” you ask hopefully. You know how much Tony values his friendship with Cap, he just won’t admit it. Especially because he’s hurt. 

“No,” he grunts, but tries to brush it off like he doesn’t care. You and Rhodey give each other unamused looks, clearly not believing the bullshit Tony is trying to feed you.

“I think you should try to reach out to him again, you clearly miss him Tony,” you frown at the dark haired man in front of you.

“I agree with (Y/N/N),” Rhodey speaks up from behind you. He’s closer than you remember, and you shiver as you feel the little licks of his breath on your neck as he speaks. 

“You love birds can shut up now,” Tony rolls his eyes, he leaves the kitchen without anything. 

Heat immediately rushes to your face and you can’t look Rhodey in the eye as you stutter out an apology for Tony’s actions. You quickly leave the kitchen before he can respond, wanting to put distance between your blushing self and the man you had been in love with for years. 

-- 

You had hoped that the conversation in the kitchen would have convinced Tony to reach out and make amends with Steve and half of the Avengers. But things only continued to escalate, where it seemed a battle between friends was unavoidable. So that's how you ended up in Germany, with your newest recruit Spider-Man, facing off against the people you cared most about in this world.

“Rhodey!” you scream as you watch him plummet to the Earth. Time seems to slow to a near standstill and all you can do is watch, too far away from him to be able to help somehow. Your knees buckle and you hit the ground at the same time his body does. There's a scream that’s so loud it rattles the windows of the airport hanger, a scream you weren’t even aware left your own lips. 

Vision tries to approach you, but you let out a sound that's between a sob and a scream as he gets closer. You’re angry, and scared, you can feel a rush of something in your veins. You ball your hands in fists, bringing them to your chest as you curl into yourself. 

The sound of metal crunching together pulls you from your rocking back and forth on your knees. You see a white glow, one that you're extremely familiar with, dissipating from around two shipping containers, now crushed together where vision was hovering. If he had stayed solid, he would have been crushed. You’re shaking even more as you stare down at your hands, you had never been able to move objects before. You could have hurt somebody. You can’t dwell on it too long because Peter runs to your side, telling you that Rhodey had a heartbeat and help was on the way. 

It had felt like hours since Tony, Peter, and you had landed back down in the states. Dr. Cho was working with a spine specialist and a neurosurgeon to figure out the extent of the damage. After a while, they had updated you three, telling you that Rhodey broke his spine and they were taking him into surgery. Tony had left to go fiddle with one of his suits, his coping mechanism. He left the kid with you because he didn’t want you alone. 

“How did you two meet?” Peter breaks the silence.

“Hmm?” you look away from the painting in front of you for the first time since you sat in the waiting room chair, to look at the boy. 

“Mr. Rhodes, how did you two meet?” he clarifies. 

“That’s a long story,” your eyes glaze over as memories start to come flooding back.

“I have time,” Peter gives you a small smile, you can really see what Tony see’s in the kid. The kindness that his Aunt May has taught him is abundantly clear, you know he’s only asking for your benefit.

“He met Tony when they went to MIT together, he somehow found a way to put up with my brother's antics. I didn’t meet him until two years after Tony graduated, so I was eleven,” you let out a little laugh as you realize just how long the older man has been in your life, and in your heart. “He came to my parents funeral for support for Tony, but he became my support system. Everyone seemed to ignore me and go straight for the golden boy, but Tony became too overwhelmed quickly. He introduced me to Rhodey who was the first one, besides Tony of course, to ask me how I was. He ended up spending the entire wake and funeral with me, giving me support and effectively distracting me from my pain.”

You look over at the younger boy, who seems to be staring at you with fascination. He sees the pain on your face when you stop talking, reaching over he grabs your hand loosely. Testing the waters to see if you’ll pull away from affection like Tony has with him. You give him a thankful smile and hold his hand before continuing your story.

“He joined the military not long after that. At first I would send him care packages and letters so he didn’t feel alone when he was deployed. One day when I was writing a letter one of Tony’s flings came into the kitchen and called me a pathetic child because I was crushing on Tony’s friend after I explained what I was doing. He never got that letter, or any after that. We didn’t really talk much after that, if he came to visit Tony I’d be pleasant before locking myself in my room. I guess I was embarrassed over my school girl crush. Years passed, lots of years, before Tony went missing, James was the one that told me what happened. And in those following months he would rarely leave my side, he wanted to make sure I was okay. We were finally both adults, and we gained a real friendship.” 

“That sounds like more than a friendship,” Peter sends you an innocent look. You furrow your eyebrows at him in response, Rhodey definitely doesn’t like you back. “I’m just saying, if Liz was like that with me I would be ecstatic that she liked me back.”

“He sees me as a little sister, Peter,” your heart breaking a little more knowing that you’ll never be able to be with the man you’ve loved for years. Before Peter can refute you, Rhodey’s Neurosurgeon walks into the waiting room- some guy named Dr. Strange. 

“How is he?” you jump out of your seat, Peter quickly following suit, his hand falling from yours at the movement. 

“He’s out of surgery Miss. Stark,” his voice coming out as cocky and full of himself, like he’s overly proud that he did this surgery. “But the recovery will be the difficult part.”

“What happened? What’s still wrong? And when can I see him?” you’re shooting out questions faster than the surgeon can answer.

“I’m not at liberty to discuss that with you Miss. Stark, and you can’t see him until he’s out of the ICU,” the smug look is still on the surgeon's face, making you grow angrier with each word that leaves his mouth. 

“Excuse me?” Peter looks between you and the surgeon with wide curious eyes. 

“You aren’t family,” he states matter-of-factly. “Therefore I can’t tell you and you can’t see him.”

Your eye twitches in anger as your body starts to warm, your powers start to react to the strong emotion. You take a deep calming breath, keeping you from accidentally lashing out at the surgeon. 

“I suggest you rethink that answer,” you say deathly calm, Peter stares at you in awe as you talk back to the man. “And consider who paid for all of the new state-of-the-art Stark technology and equipment you have in this hospital. Things I’m sure that you used in that surgery, that I donated to this hospital through the outreach program that I created. Technology created by both me and my brother.”

“Is there a problem here?” a man’s voice comes from behind you, he sounds irritated that someone’s making a scene. You turn around to face the man, who is wearing a badge that says medical director on it. Perfect. His eyes widen as soon as he recognizes who you are. 

“Actually there is,” you frown. “My colleague, my friend. My favorite person after my brother really, he just had a pretty big surgery, but your surgeon here won’t tell me any details or let me go see him. So yes, we have a huge problem.”

“I’m so sorry Miss. Stark,” he exclaims. “Why don’t we go update you in private.” 

“Did I sound like a bitch?” you frown, whispering to Peter as the two of you follow the MD and the surgeon. He nods a little with a smirk adorning his face. 

“But it was awesome!” you grin at the young boy, remembering the excitement you felt when you saw Tony use his name to get what he wanted for the first time. 

“He’s paralyzed,” the surgeon throws the statement around like it isn’t a big deal as soon as the four of you enter a separate room. “From the waist down. There was nothing we could do.”

Your heart and your lungs seem to stop working at the same time. Peter discreetly uses his super strength to catch you as your legs give out at the surgeon's words. Tears start to pour down your face as you realize all of the things Rhodey will never be able to again. Like never being able to help defend his country again, or chase after you when you steal the last cookie that he wanted. 

You can’t help but feel guilty. If he had never met you and Tony he would be fine. He would still be able to do what he loves. He never would have been put in that situation. He’ll never be able to walk again. He won’t have the opportunity to dance at his wedding or chase his children around if he decided to have either of those. 

“I know it’s a lot Miss. Stark,” the MD’s voice is muffled. “But there was nothing we could have done-”

“When can I see him?” you cut the doctor off. 

“I could take you to him now,” he glares at the surgeon. “He won’t wake for at least a few more hours.”

“Peter, go call Tony and tell him the update,” you look at the young boy, he gives your hand a reassuring squeeze before heading back to the waiting room. 

The surgeon and the MD both ramble on about Rhodey’s condition but their voices sound muffled- like you’re underwater. You feel like you're suffocating in all the pain and grief you feel for the love of your life. He’s lying on the bed, oxygen tubing up his nose, at least ten wires connected to him, and the disgusting beep of his heart monitor reminds you how lucky you are that he’s still here with you. 

The two men quickly leave you with Rhodey, but not before the MD promises that he’ll be under constant supervision and he’ll receive the best treatments they offer. Not that you're shocked to hear that with the scene you cause in the waiting room. You grab Rhodey’s hand, careful to avoid yanking the IV in it, pulling his hand up to your mouth to give it a feather light kiss. Tears slip down your cheeks as you stare at his still body, you were so close to losing him today. 

The tears have stopped by the time Tony shows up close to an hour later, he had dropped Peter off at home before coming up to the hospital room. Your older brother looks as distressed as you feel, although he seems to be tryin to hide it more than you are. 

“How is he?” his voice is quieter than you imagined, like he’s afraid any louder will make you crumble. 

“Stable,” your voice is monotonous, and you refuse to tear your eye’s from Rhodey’s face as you respond to Tony. “About as good as he could be I guess.”

“How are you?” he cuts you off as you go to respond that you're fine. “And don’t bullshit me (Y/N/N), you’ve been in love with him since you were eleven. How are you feeling?”

You don’t respond, not with words at least. Instead you do crumble, letting out a quiet sob as you grip Tony’s hand that he was about to place on your shoulder. Tony runs his free hand through your hair and down your back, trying to soothe you like he used to when you would have nightmares after your parents deaths. 

“We almost lost him today Tony, I almost lost him-” another sob racks through your body. “And now he’s paralyzed. He can never walk again, can never defend his Country again. And for what? A disagreement between you and Steve? We could have lost him Tony for something so fucking stupid.”

Before Tony can respond, a muffled voice breaks through the tension in the room. The voice is gravely, but one you love so dearly, it’s Rhodey’s. “(Y/N)?”

Permeant tags: @crimson-knuckled-queen​ @rexorangecouny @mrs-malfoy-always​