#i hope someone out there understands me

[idaliascruelworld]

My grandfather died and idk. Its hurts in a way i cant describe. I wasnt always fond of him bc he is kind of conservative and definitely favored my cousin over everyone else but there were so many moments where he deeply cared for me like no one else did.

Like when i said id love to go to the mountains we literally went the same day and the day after.

Or making sure the tv in the room i was sleeping in actually works while not caring if it works anywhere else.

Or when he picked us all up from the airport he would always ask us what we want to eat and not sit down until everyone had something to eat even if its just a slice of bread (tho he would kill us for just eating that and nothing more)

My grandfather was a hardworking man always caring for his garden in his village (we spent most of our time there) he planted several vegetables and had apple and cherry trees. He would wake up early just so he can work around, build us a hammock, prepare the inflatable pool when it was hot outside, plant flowers so it looks nice, drive the extra mile to get us whatever we want.

And now hes dead

He suddenly fell ill and we found out that its some type of cancer. I visited him 2 months after the diagnosis and he was so skinny and so fragile just looking out of the window we werent even allowed to hug him. It was really hard for him to talk or walk or eat or do anything. My hardworking grandfather became a man chained to a chair.

He just became skinnier and skinnier, the medication wasnt helping so he changed it, the new one wasnt helping either so they started chemo in January. That when they said he ll only have four months left to live.

My mother showed me a video of him in the hospital. Even skinnier, no hair bc of chemo. My father crying in the background. My mother had to go to türkiye several times for several weeks so she can help. At some point he had to wear diapers and be fed because he was too weak. I remember being angry at my family for having my mother leave me with my sibling but now i regret nothing more than that it was so selfish of me to say and think that.

On the 19th this month my mother suddenly left to visit him since his condition got really really really worse and just at 1:10 AM 20.02.2024 he died in the hospital.

My brother woke me up to tell me he died i begged them to let me go to türkiye so i can visit his grave and when my brother left the room i looked at the ceiling and started crying for hours

I had to take a later flight than all of my family members so i was flying alone and i cried all the time. I cried and cried and begged him to forgive me and cried and cried and then i was at the village he grew up in, where i spend all of my summers. I went into the house he built for us with his own hands but he wasnt there. I hugged my aunts and uncles and my grandmother and lastly my father and i just couldn't do it anymore.

I had to think about my father and his sibling who just lost their father.

I had to think about my cousins who grew up with him until they moved here and even called him father.

I had to think about my grandmother who had lost her husband of 55 years.

He wont ever pick us up from the airport again

He wont ever protect me from anyone

He wont ever drive me to the mountains

He wont ever grow the best cucumbers and tomatoe ive ever eaten.

He wont ever just walk around in his garden doing stuff since the sunrise.

He wont ever repair stuff we broke.

He wont ever just sit there and watch us have fun.

I wont ever see his face again.

I wont ever hear his voice again.

I saw his grave and there was no tombstone it was just a big pile of dirt with two big stones indicating where his head and feets are. They told me its tradition to wait for the dirt to completely settle on the ground before getting a tombstone which only made it harder to realise.

This year already started horribly and its just getting worse and worse and worse and worse and

[fallenrain40]

labels are optional btw. i've seen some people complain about microlabels and how they are confusing, unnecessary, but the thing is. those labels are OPTIONAL. the people who use microlabels are using them because they feel that's what works best for them. you don't have to use any label you don't want, even if it's description technically matches you. that's why things like ace and aro are spectrums. you could use a microlabel, or if you feel it works better to just call yourself ace/aro, or simply aspec, there's options. and you don't even have to use any of them if you don't want. you can go unlabeled. it's all up to you what you want to use for yourself. nobody is forcing you to use a label you don't want. that's literally the opposite of what we want htgfsdsf

my point is, if microlabels don't work for you, then just don't use them. don't start trying to invalidate others who do use them. microlabels exist so you have more options.

[flying-cat]

people who undermine the importance of izuku and katsuki's relationship throughout bnha because of "annoying shippers" or because they just don't like katsuki are insane because their relationship is literally so? important??? to the entire story???? katsuki is the deuteragonist of bnha. he was one of the first characters to show up. he was the first other person to know about OFA. so much of the manga is spent showing his development. if you deny his character development and relationship development ("relationship" does not always mean romantic relationship) with izuku, you are quite literally denying a massive part of the series. the manga starts with them and ends with them. you're allowed to dislike him but if you dislike him so much that you, in turn, start hating how izuku is a "punching bag" or a "doormat" for the entire series because he doesn't stay angry and vengeful at people even though a massive part of his character is that he's compassionate and kind even to people who aren't to him or used to not be, and you seriously think that that makes him weak, and you just start to dislike the main two characters of the series, i think you should. idk. stop reading, probably. read the revenge fantasy shit that you obviously want to read. there are like seven million manhwa available to you where the character gets the revenge you so desperately want to see.

[sirfleetfoot]

RULES OF BEING OTHERKIN #1

Being authentic and true to yourself is the only way you are 'supposed to be/act like' (insert entity). If anyone else disagrees it only tells you about them.

[jesuis-assez]

THE ROOKIE- 6.03 ➦ Trouble In Paradise

[mothhue]

Responses to asks/requests from @jackthesilentgentlemenshark and @flower451 :D

Apologies for taking so long to get around to these, I was distracted by other stuff for a bit! (I cut the asks so it the post won't be too long, hope you don't mind <:] they're under the cut!)

[caeslxys]

I’ve mentioned this elsewhere but it feels relevant again in light of the most recent episode. Something that’s really fascinating to me about Orym’s grief in comparison to the rest of the hells’ grief is that his is the youngest/most fresh and because of that tends to be the most volatile when it is triggered (aside from FCG, who was two and obviously The Most volatile when triggered.)

As in: prior to the attack on Zephrah, Orym was leading a normal, happy, casual life! with family who loved him and still do! Grief was something that was inflicted upon him via Ludinus’ machinations, whereas with characters like Imogen or Ashton, grief has been the background tapestry of their entire lives. And I think that shows in how the rest of them are largely able to, if not see past completely (Imogen/Laudna/Chetney) then at least temper/direct their vitriol or grief (Ashton/Fearne/Chetney again) to where it is most effective. (There is a glaring reason, for example, that Imogen scolded Orym for the way he reacted to Liliana and not Ashton. Because Ashton’s anger was directed in a way that was ultimately protective of Imogen—most effective—and Orym’s was founded solely in his personal grief.)

He wants Imogen to have her mom and he wants Lilliana to be salvageable for Imogen because he loves Imogen. But his love for the people in his present actively and consistently tend to conflict with the love he has for the people in his past. They are in a constant battle and Orym—he cannot fathom losing either of them.

(Or, to that point, recognize that allowing empathy to take root in him for the enemy isn't losing one of them.)

It is deeply poignant, then, that Orym’s grief is symbolized by both a sword and shield. It is something he wields as a blade when he feels his philosophy being threatened by certain conversational threads (as he believes it is one of the only things he has left of Will and Derrig, and is therefore desperately clinging onto with both bloody hands even if it makes him, occasionally, a hypocrite), but also something he can use in defense of the people he presently loves—if that provocative, blade-grief side of him does not push them—or himself—away first.

(it won’t—he is as loved by the hells as he loves them. he just needs to—as laudna so beautifully said—say and hear it more often.)

[puppppppppy]

i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you

[reineyday]

it sounds like hawks is probably going to keep the ranking system, and when he says he's keeping it bc the people who want to tear it down are "only seeing the cons of the system, and none of the pros," it shows keigo's childhood plushie of endeavor, and that's wild to me. "the popularity contest still has its pros," hawks says as he thinks of his idol endeavor, the man who abused and neglected his whole family because he wanted to win said popularity contest.

and it's specifically a panel of keigo's plushie, which reads to me that keigo's holding onto his childhood worship of the man so much, he's ironically only seeing the pros of the system (whatever those are), and none of the cons. it feels like hawks has blinders on when it comes to endeavor, and it's felt that way ever since he found out about endeavor's past and immediately, seemingly without any inner conflict, gave his stamp of approval anyways bc hey, at least endeavor's trying now! and i'm disappointed considering how complex a character he seemed when he was introduced. sigh.

[qishylia-adelia]

Lanyan my babygirl,I wish people would treat you more than who they ship you with (when she finally release)

[aloeverified]

daring being the equivalent to a pg-13 fuckboy was really funny, but i think it would've been so sad and compelling if he geniuely was in love with apple.

they know they're destined to be together, they grew up together and have talked about their relationship many times. they agreed to not date until their destiny takes its course, as apple is paranoid about messing with their story and doing anything ahead of time.

daring sees how hard she works and how far she goes to strive for perfection; following ever task her mother gives her, always being ontop of her studies, never missing a chance to be kind and help others. she inspires him to do the same; topping his sword-fighting classes, using his strength and athletic skills to help others, always seizing the chance to save the day and protect others.

daring falls more and more in love with her each passing year, whereas apple just keeps waiting for the feeling to come to her. she reasons that she doesn't feel anything for daring because he hasn't awoken her from her coma and swallow her worries.

many people still fall for daring, but he tells them his heart is taken and his destiny is sealed: apple white is the only girl for him, and it's his duty to stay loyal to his future wife.

perhaps apple even visits the charming kingdom often, under the guise of spending time with her future in-laws to get away from the heavy pressure she faces at home. she grows closer with darling during these times, who admires apple and her ability to be satisfied with the royal life and expectations she has as a princess.

i think daring could still have a few small and tender moments with other girls, such as his admiration for cerise — but he does his best to push those feelings aside, maybe even feels guilty for them.

it's only after he fails to awaken apple in dragon games, where he is able to start his process on moving on. he agonizes over not being her prince, as it changes everything he knows: his destiny, his true love, and even the fact that he would participate in an out of destiny romance (something so taboo to a royal such as himself).

when finally given the chance to do so, daring asks apple if she loves him — if she ever had or ever could, in the same way he loves her. they have a long conversation, one that ends with both of them in tears. apple does daring, but she's not in love with him. she's always known there was something different about her when she didn't long for her prince charming like other princesses did, and now thanks to darling, she knows why.

daring learns how to move on. it's a tedious process, and one that hurts, but he moves on. and so does apple. he still loves her, and she still loves him. only now, they also love themselves.

[dykedvonte]

love seeing your takes on mouthwashing and how sane they are. everything's so black or white. I like how you acknowledge curlys abuse under jimmy (which I honestly didn't quite notice when I first watched a playthrough. should rewatch w this in mind) and how that very much doesn't "forgive" his inaction towards Anya and Her abuse under jimmy. I think what happens to him despite all his issues (bc he clearly wasn't OK 😊✌🏼) is very much karmic. I really did hurt huh

I hate the take that what happened to him is karmic as becoming disabled and being tortured is like not in any way an equal consequence for not taking more action against Jimmy. It is a consequence as is the whole game for everyone but it’s one that is very much established as being undeserved and extreme as everyone else’s but Jimmy’s fate.

Thank you for liking my takes but I also try to point out that this exact sort of framing of the events and what happened to Curly is bad especially if you are gonna factor in his own abuse into the equation of his inaction/ineffective acts. It’s like “saying yeah he deserved the abuse he was already going through to escalate because he didn’t do enough” which is like not a message the game tries to deliver at all. It’s like the game shows that abusers escalate

Karma and punishment are not concepts that I think should be directly tied to Curly’s fate especially since during the game and even in discussion he takes on too many consequences of someone else’s actions. Like this framing is the direct thing I describe taking the discussion away from Jimmy, P.E and the factors that created the environment in the first place.

[limewatt]

kamikou cheer squad “you’re not stuck on that rooftop anymore, rui” -> ena5 mizuki side story 2 “welcome to this side, mizuki” what if i cried. they’re finally both free of that rooftop……. they’re not friends in solitude anymore… they’re friends!!!!! that have each found their people!!!

also, in cheer squad, rui's “there's something i want to say, but i'm scared that i'll drive everyone to the other side again if i say it” was craaaazy. such a direct parallel to mizuki... and mizuki reassuring him (and having asked him to direct the cheer squad in the first place) being why he was able to gather his courage... “you'll be fine rui. seeing you at the culture festival made me believe you're not stuck on that rooftop anymore. i'm looking forward to seeing what crazy idea you'll direct!” i'm not caught up on all of wxs's stories so i can't say if it has an impact there, but rui's success in getting his feelings across in cheer squad being how he's able to reach out and make new friends in pandemonium/spirited affair... gwah.

rui's effect on mizuki is obvious. he's in a fair amount of her focuses / side stories / + picnic and ena5. and RIBBON... the shadow his absence casts on her... being the reason she was hesitant to reach out to niigo because she was scared niigo would leave her eventually like he did... but also the reason she wanted to reach out at all... because rui made her see that there are people in the world who will understand her... the 1 in “25:00:01” on kimi no yoru wo kure’s cover being rui’s colour… all so awesome. but mizuki's effect on rui is subtler/less focused on. so cheer squad where mizuki is unequivocally a key part of rui's growth is so special to me.

[freakinator]

vagueing but i think certain ppl need to realize that you can be both manipulative And traumatized 😭

[ragingbullmode]

using my mixed kid powers to disgust ppl who consider themselves more ethnically “authentic” then me when i tell them about how most of the food we eat is fusion bc my baba didnt have access to a lot of mexican ingredients in japan & learned how to maneuver around it anyway to make my mexican grandpa feel more at home before they moved to the states raaaahhhhhhhh

[flea-palace]

and if i say the wedding dress mannequin is erik's 19th century equivalent of the hannah montana milk pillow