#i hope my brain comes back I'm not prepared to live like this forever the thought makes me so sad

[oasatelematics]

also it feels like my brain is fried, it's quite hard to gather my thoughts consistently.... it was much worse when my symptoms peaked a couple days ago but i can still feel it lingering

[ratzmatazz]

I think I got possessed by charlie chaplin and the only way I can tell this story is by greentext I hope you all understand

>be me (20 year old fool) >live in nyc >walking around and realize I haven’t eaten and also need to do some work so I decide to go to a cafe >walk around for like 30 minutes until I finally find one, looks great very peaceful plenty of people working >walk inside order bagel the guy behind the counter is french(???) and he talks slowly but my brain is on autopilot so I look like an asshole who talks too fast because nyc cafes are usually a quick-time event and I'm disrupting the cafe zen I guess >panic order first bagel I see to redeem myself >ice coffee and loaded bagel (whatever that is) is 20 dollars altogether >whatever the place looks nice for work >barista gives me a number stand for my bagel and I walk away and stand in the main space before realizing I need to still get my coffee? Come back looking even more like an asshole >coffee is in incredibly inconvenient glass cup and filled to the brim too >sugar station is right next to barista so he watches me now pour an obscene amount of sugar syrup but very very slowly >sugar syrup pourer is mildly broken and every time I try to get it to flow faster than "pouring cold tar" it squirts a pump onto the table >sit down >realize I’m sitting in their fucking decorative ~aesthetic~ chair and not a real fucking table >spend 2 minutes slowly dragging a table closer before realizing I look insane and moving all my stuff >still sitting in decorative chair during all of this >guy talking to his friend nearby is watching me and trying not to laugh at me out loud >preparing myself for putting the table back and admitting defeat >do not take coffee off of table >stand up for this but the table is lighter than expected and I tilt the table when I try to scoot it back >coffee leans slowly and cartoonishly close to falling over but I quickly scoot the table over and put it down before it can fully tip and ruin me forever >do this routine of up and down table 3 fucking times moving it back >sit down in shame at real table >guy talking to his friend subtly angles himself to be watching me over his friend's shoulder >take out laptop to work and it’s out of power >no biggie I’ll plug it in I even sat next to four power outlets :) >try first one >no good >try next one >all four outlets don’t work. >want to leave but still have bagel so maybe life is good >bagel arrives >no fucking cream cheese on my bagel. >lady who brings out my bagel is an elderly old-school nyc lady who looks at me with barely hidden disgust for my unknowing bagel monstrosity of 99% spring mix, warm cucumber slices, three pieces of bacon, and a fried egg >bagel is too tall for the second bagel piece to go on top of the bagel >trash can is right next to barista so they’ll see me throw out the untouched shameful top of the bagel too >table is also too small for the bagel plate and my laptop and too cramped for me to easily put it away >eat with laptop on lap (top) (haha) >bite bagel >runny yolk >egg bursts >YOLK ALL OVER LAPTOP. >guy still watching me >tiny courtesy napkin to wipe up my egg shame. >humiliating smooth jazz is playing during all of this. >charlie chaplin's ghost finally releases me from my torment.

[follows-the-bees]

2x3 Filmmaking Analysis

Editing and cinematography breakdown of the purgatory and mermaid scene in The Innkeeper.

I haven't talked much about editing in all of my previous breakdowns of this season, but I want to start talking about that, and I'm starting with this scene. The whole of 2x3 contains exceptional editing between what is happening in Ed's gravy basket purgatory and the real world.

We start with Stede on the stairs, quiet, only a deep inhale of despair is heard, the heartbreak already evident on his face. He holds up a lamp, one of the only sources of light in the "reality" scenes. Lighthouses and golden lighting in general have been used in both seasons to symbolism the love between Ed and Stede. Stede is literally carrying this light with him, and he sets it down next to Ed's head shining the light onto him. Stede is the one who puts the glow on Ed's face.

The editing then cuts to Ed in Purgatory as he hits the water, a giant light behind him, but he starts to sink away from it, becomes surrounded by water, recalling back to 1x4 when he talks about how he feels like he is just treading. Water shows Ed's mental state: he's expressed in the past that he feels like he's drowning, he wants to stay at sea forever, be the bird who doesn't touch ground, etc.

We end this shot with Ed's bare feet the most visible in the dark blue abyss of the ocean. And in a direct parallel, the next edit is to Stede's feet - which are wrapped in BLUE-dyed fabric, with RED lining - walking into the waterlogged cabin. This immediate cut between their two feet in water shows how Stede is meeting Ed in both worlds. They are together in the water, in the deep blue depth, their connection only picks up from there.

While talking to Hornigold, Ed professed that he didn't think anyone was waiting for him. And he still has that mindset as he starts to sink.

Stede sits quietly down next to Ed, lovingly calls him a nut, and debates about taking the cloth off of Ed's face. We know Stede to be a boisterous man, not afraid to talk, but his voice is quiet here, the sentences short. He covers his face with his hands, hiding and comforting himself. Stede is rendered speechless when he's faced with earth-shattering grief and this all encompassing sorrow tells the audience just how much pain Stede is in.

Stede pulls off the cloth from Ed's face, once again taking a shaky inhale of breath to prepare himself, and the show cuts to Ed's eyes opening in the water as he starts to fight, pulling on the rope tugging him down.

The editing takes us back and forth between Ed struggling with the rope in Purgatory to his fingers and hand twitching as he fights in the real world, all voiced over by Stede's mournful apologies to Ed. When Stede's voice comes through to Ed, it sounds muffled, like it has to travel through a tube to get to him - through the water and Ed's coma-induced brain.

As soon as Stede touches Ed's hand in the real world, squeezing it, Ed stops sinking further into the watery depths, and instead his focus is before him where a large light has appeared. This editing shows how Ed feels Stede's presence, not only his voice but how the touch grounds him, or at least prevents him from further sinking.

Stede's voice changes here, getting louder as he yells at Ed to come back to him. The quiet grief is replaced by twinges of hope, the deep sobs escape in raspy pains of anguish.

The light first appears to Ed in Purgatory when Stede holds his hand, and as Stede starts to hammer on his chest, to try and bring some life into him, the scene cuts to Ed seeing movement in the light as Stede in mermaid form starts to swim closer.

The scene then goes from both POVs to just Ed's. We see the rope come off as he decides to live. We can hear the muffled cries of Stede breaking in from the real world, and we see a sequence of scenes from the first season of Ed and Stede as Ed remembers all of their moments together.

Right when Stede pounds his chest for the last time and says he will never leave again, that's when the mermaid version of him comes into full focus. And we again spend time in just purgatory, in Ed's POV.

Mermaid Stede swims up to Ed and stops right in front of him, not touching, not pulling him to the surface. Instead he just stays there with him, smiling, and letting him know he's there. It is Ed who decides to live, and I think that's an important distinction. Stede doesn't save him, he just exists in Ed’s space, floating in the water, and ushering in light and hope.

The last moments are Ed waking up as Stede cries, their hands gripping onto each other in a symbolic meaning of them choosing each other, Ed choosing life. The last shot is no longer the fantastical purgatory place with bright white lights and blue water that symbolize the all encompassing pressure around Ed. Now it's the real world, where Stede is wearing blue and red, his feet are in water, and his lamp shining the light onto Ed. Their hands are clasped together as Ed takes a large breath of air - coming to life. Reborn not on the seas or water, but the boat that they fell in love with each other on.

We see continued symbolism throughout this scene. The red representing their love, the lamp set next to Ed by Stede and the bright light in the ocean that mermaid Stede brings in, showing the light and hope in Ed's mind now. And the blue colors that Stede wears, and Stede stepping into the water-logged cabin, showing how he is joining Ed in his world. And when Ed chooses life, all of those things are there to greet him but not in the bright fantasy colors of his mind, but rather the muted colors of the real world.

The cinematography of purgatory is lighter in tones. The ocean is dark until Stede brings in the white blinding light, which then surrounds them, turning the water around them to a soft blue. On the other hand, the lighting on the ship is darker. The brown wood of the cabin are just shapes in the background. The only light is from the deep orange lantern glow. The contrast in colors representing the fantasy from reality.

Every single cut in the editing has a purpose. Each action that happens in the real world is immediately reflected in the purgatory mindset. Not a single shot wasted. This scene is beautifully put together in all aspects of the filmmaking.

Hand gif credit

[tnsophiaonly]

"Depths of Despair, will soon come rooting out."

A warning that shan't be ignored. For it's far too dangerous.

Deja vu

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4

—n—i—a—t—r—e—c—n—U—

Primogems is the most voted!

Ability: Charming Fate★

With this current ability, you are able to charm people rather easily. And if you're talking with your awakened acolytes, you'll charm them in no time! But be wary, because the more you talk to people with visions or delusions or any element, the more you lose yourself. You'll lose your mind in hysteria. It'll give you a new life!

It felt so unreal. So painfully true.

You see yourself, mourning a beloved.

They died from war. Correction. He died from war.

Was it your father? No. It can't be. You don't live in Teyvat. You never did. You have no memories of this world. You didn't belong here. You were never here. Never ever.

But who was he? It was child you. Child you was hoping he was still alive and when we found out they're not we were mourning. The place looks a lot like Inazuma.

For some odd reason, the nameless man who the child you is mourning, feels like they were important to you. You felt your heart tighten at the sight. It just felt like it just had happened in your life.

But that's not true. You were never in Teyvat. You never had a life here. You were never meant to be here. You don't belong here.

A thunder strikes you down.

—d—e—t—n—a—w—n—W—

You gaped for a breath of air. Electrifying yet fresh air fills your lungs. And you exhale. You recognize where you are currently. I'm at the Kujou Encampment. The headquarters of the Shogun's Army under the control of Tenryou Commision.

Despite winning against the argument whether you stay to get patched up or you just patch yourself, you still ended up getting patched up by her.

Why did it feel like this was an order? It must have been just you. Cause no way Kujou Sara would do this without it being an order. I think.

Well either way, you were still patched. So you were thankful. Right now, you're thinking what to give back to her, just so that you can ease that one feeling deep inside you of her using that one tiny thing against you. Maybe you could activate her C6?

You look around, you find no one around, you open the screen menu, open the wish menu and see all of the banners are there! It's just like Silly Wisher... you look at your primogems amount and wow that made your jaw drop.

2,684,290 primogems... And it's continuously going up! You convert 300,000 primogems to an interwined fate. And went to a banner that has Kujou Sara in it and pulled 10x.

It turns purple and ah, you hear something outside. You look outside and oh that's so pretty. It was your wishes in the sky!

It's like shooting stars! No it is shooting stars! You see the purple star falling down and the screen appears and it gives you a Kujou Sara constellation. (PS. I still don't have her C6...) A commotion happens because of what you just did..

And for some reason they all thanked (S/M) for it. Oh, she happened to be praying for Kujou Sara's sixth constellation. It was a coincidence.

Well, that's great? No no no it's bad. It's giving more proof that she's an oracle. It should be you, who acts as the oracle. You don't even feel any connection to the oracle! No nothing! You don't even know who she is! She is no oracle, she's a fraud.

You sighed and went back to sleep in the comfortable futon prepared for you.

—n—i—a—t—r—e—c—n—U—

You woke up in cold sweat, another nightmare... It's making me lose my mind.

The way it started off as dark, dull, saturated then with no warning it explodes with solid and flashing colors, hurting your eyes, your brain! It was hypnotizing. It was driving you insane.

You held out a hand and oh. It was, fake.

You walked around, it was heavenly. The more you walk, the more you notice that it drips like water.

How ethereal... How mesmerizing.. don't you just want to stay here forever? In heaven.

The more you stay the more people that'll love you. Stay. Stay for the sake of your beloved followers. Stay like a good creator.

For them.

—s—e—i—r—o—m—e—M—

[bow-of-aros]

Day Twenty-Three: Sweet

Summary:

Ruth and Richie are coming over to help Peter get ready for his Valentine's Day date with Steph. He just wants to make sure that they know he appreciates them, and they return the favour.

IT'S HERE!!!! Sorry folks my brain was not working yesterday, I spent the whole day doing an English assignment and then crashed super hard. But I'm back today and here's day 23 (hopefully I'll get day 24 up later tonight) with my favourite sillies!! Hope that y'all enjoy <33

-

It was Valentine’s Day.

Normally, Peter Spankoffski would be hanging out with Ruth and Richie on some park bench, watching all the couples walk by and making up elaborate stories about how they would one day break up.

But this was his first Valentine’s Day with an honest to God girlfriend, and Ruth and Richie had taken great pains to say that they would kill him if he fucked this up.

Brutally.

And possibly with an ax, that part had been unclear.

Anyway, he was taking Steph out to Pasqualli’s tonight—“Pasqualli’s?!” Ted had exclaimed gleefully, “My little brother has got some game! You really are my kid!”—and he wanted it to be perfect.

Yeah, he’d tried to tell Ted that he wasn’t his kid, but his older brother had just wiped away a fake tear and said how proud he was, which had left Peter feeling too warm to argue.

In preparation for his date, and to soothe any lingering nerves, he’d invited Ruth and Richie over to help him get ready.

Or, at least, that’s what he’d told them.

They hadn’t said anything, but Peter knew that they were upset that they weren’t going to spend the day together like they had been for years. Sure, the day was typically meant for romance, but to those three it was a “Re-fortifying of their eternal bond,” as Richie had once called it.

Peter wanted to make sure that they still felt appreciated, and that Richie and Ruth knew that he still loved them even though he has a girlfriend.

And yeah, he said that he loved them. No matter what Ted might think, toxic masculinity is not cool and Peter can actually express his emotions without getting all insecure about it.

Take that society!

Ding-dong!

The clock read 4:58 and Peter had asked them to be there at five. He wasn’t sure that these two had even been on time for anything in their lives. The fact that they were here early for him was actually really touching.

He heard the door open as Ted said something snarky about being a good host before Ruth and Richie burst into his room.

Ruth looked like she was buzzing with excitement, eyes bright as she hops in place.

Richie looked like he was sick of Ruth’s bullshit. In a fond way, of course.

“Hi Peter! Are you so excited to—Hey what’s that?”

Ruth’s question was cut off by Peter handing her a car with a heart-shaped lollipop on it. It had a big picture of a mushroom on the front and read You take up so mushroom in my heart! When she opened it up, Peter had written a little note that said Even though I’m dating Steph. You and Richie are still my partners in crime! Happy Valentine’s Day xoxo.

She froze, blinking rabidly as she tried to make sense of what she was seeing, so Peter decided to take advantage of that and hand Richie his card.

His had a giant poké ball on the front and said If you were a Pokémon, I’d choose you! And inside the card was his own lollipop and a Happy Valentine’s Day to my first ever valentine! You, me, and Ruth are forever!!

The shock on both of their faces were too good to not take a picture of, so that’s exactly what Peter did.

Ruth and Richie were both jolted out of their stupor at the sound of the click, and the next thing Peter knew he was being tackled back onto his bed under the force of his two best friends.

“Awwwww Peter!” Ruth blubbered into his chest, “This is so sweet!!”

Even Richie sounded like he was choking back tears, “Yeah man, fuck you for making me feel things.”

They stayed like that for a little, Ruth’s quiet sniffling being the only thing to break the silence before she suddenly shot up and exclaimed, “We didn’t get you anything! Oh my God we are horrible friends!”

Peter was quick to put a stop to what could be a very rapid spiral, “No! You’re here to help me get ready for my date with Steph, I just wanted to repay you for that. And to remind you that just because I’m dating the mayor’s daughter now doesn’t mean I’m ditching you guys.”

Ruth and Richie stared at him and, before Peter could blink, the breath was knocked out of him once again by Ruth throwing herself on top of him.

“Still! I wish we could give you something!”

Peter just patted Ruth’s curls sympathetically, but anything he might’ve said was interrupted by Richie.

“You know, we still could give him something.”

There was an odd tone to his voice that Peter couldn’t decipher, but when Ruth looked up her mouth stretched into a mischievous grin as she clearly caught his meaning.

“You’re so right! And this will be extra helpful because he’s probably so nervous about his date so we can help him loosen up before he leaves. Richie you’re a genius!”

Peter was looking between the two, unused to being the odd one out in their conversations.

“Uh, guys? What are you—HEY! Ruhuhuhuth nononono!”

She hadn’t even given him the chance to finish his sentence before she started scribbling her nails over his stomach, occasionally kneading into softer spots to get a yelp out of him.

Richie sat up and grinned down at him, “Here’s your Valentine’s Day gift from us!” He started dancing his fingers over Peter’s neck, eliciting squeakier giggles as he recited his own little note, “We still love you even though you’re ditching us for Stephanie Lauter. It definitely helps that your laugh is so adorable!”

Peter flushed red at the comment, torn between covering his face or trying to push Ruth away from where she was moving up to his ribs. He settled on attempting both at once, which really did not help him in either direction.

“Nohohoho it’s nohohohot!” A hint of a whine leaked into his voice, “FUCK! Ruth not thehehehere!”

Her fingers had found purchase in the grooves on his upper ribs and were wriggling around in a way that was driving Peter crazy.

“Uh, yeah, it is! Your laugh is all squeaky and you snort. How do you get cuter than that?!” Ruth offered her rebuttal with one of her hands shooting down to squeeze at his knees, causing him to kick out with the aforementioned snort.

“She’s right, Pete.” Richie scratched at the spot behind his ears, drawing out a high-pitched squeal as Peter desperately scrunched up his shoulders in an attempt to protect himself, “The vote’s two-to-one, so the motion passes! Your laugh is fucking adorable.”

Stuck under his friends, Peter felt like he was floating. A dizzy sort of mirth was starting to set in as Ruth scribbled her nails over his kneecaps and Richie wormed a hand under his arm. It was nice, he was here with two of the people he trusted most in the world, laughing under the force of their affection as his nervousness over the date slipped away.

After a little bit longer, they finished their attack with a few pokes and let Peter curl up in a little ball of giggles. Ruth draped herself over him like a human weighted blanket while Richie ran his fingers through his hair to soothe him.

“I lohove you guys.”

They both smirked at each other, proud of their handywork as Peter relaxed a bit more into them.

“We love you too, Pete!”

“Yeah, what she said, fucking obviously.”

He squeezed them a bit tighter for a moment before sitting up with a groan, rubbing away the faint soreness in his torso with a playful glare at his friends.

“Alright, now you guys have to help me decide what to wear, because I’m not totally sure what I’m going for.”

Ruth hopped right up and darted to his closet, immediately starting to pick through clothes she deemed appropriate for a Valentine’s date at Pasqualli’s. Every so often she would take a shirt off its hanger and toss it in the vague direction of Peter’s head, forcing him to exercise his subpar catching skills.

Meanwhile, Richie just slung an arm around his shoulders and said, “Don’t even worry, we’re gonna make you the best looking nerd in Hatchetfield. Steph won’t know what hit her!”

And here, with his best friends, getting ready for a date with the coolest girl he knows, Peter officially labels this the best Valentine’s Day he’s ever had.

[nxght-shxft]

where are my yandere hcs 😔😏

i knew this day would come but i never knew it would be so soon...

anyways content warning for shitty behavior, stalking, kidnapping, maniulation, and general yandere behavior.

i'm not endorsing this behavior and i'm honestly just doing this for cringe ass nae nae fun :3

Not all of my ocs would engage in yandere behaviors so i’ll just include some of the ones that probably would in some (probably alternate) universe.

MEPHIS would probably be the most yandere in my regular au, excluding Sabayon. They’d be really REALLY possessive and critical of your every movement or decision, though they’d try not to outwardly show it. The last thing they’d want is you thinking there’s anything wrong with you. You’re honestly perfect in it’s eyes considering you probably show it decent respect for it to become enamored with you. You could honestly just say “good morning, Mephis,” one too many times for them to become obsessed with you. They’d definitely be the type to steal you away because “I need to make sure you don’t go off doing something bad,” hence the possessiveness. They are a puppetmaster so, they want the control. If you tried to reason with them to let you go they’d start getting angry and panicked, saying some bullshit like how you’d need to stay with them longer so you can understand that you’re happy, you just don’t recognize your own emotions. Yikes!!! They’re the type to have mood swings, suddenly thinking that you hate them and that your hatred needs to be corrected so you two can ‘be happy’. They’d probably try not to outright kill anyone over you, but they’d damn well threaten them. DON’T LET ANYONE TREAT YOU LIKE THIS.

SABAYON is pretty much already a yandere in my main au. Due to the cultural practices that he set in place, you better fucking hope that they don’t take an interest in you. Their behaviors with Afastyr show exactly how they’d be. You caught their interest somehow, and now you’ve found yourself far, FAR away from home, locked up in a cage or dark room or something. They can see and understand that you’re scared, this is such a new experience for you! They’d back off and give you some time to adjust, but you’d better adjust quickly, so help you gods. They’d start trying to acclimate you to your situation by offering you meat and drinks, leaving them in your cage/cell. If you’re, understandably, not trusting of the food, they’d start getting a little irritated. “You can’t starve yourself forever,” and “You’ll realize how generous I’m being eventually.” If you still refuse, that’s when it’d withdraw all attention entirely, until you’re finally asking or begging for food or water. Yes, the food is just regular meat, it’s not poisoned or anything of the sort, they use this moment for you as a “See, you can trust me!” type of moment. They would definitely kill over you, making sure no one even gets close to saving you. Unfortunately, if you’re another god in this scenario, you’re probably gonna end up sacrificed. ESPECIALLY if they develop a kind of soft spot for you, and find that they would want to keep living with you alive, they’d have to sacrifice you in repentance. Best of luck to you if you find yourself striking their fancy, you better hope you have some Afastyr-like luck. <3

RYKA, on a similar note to Sabayon, has something ingrained into her brain about relationships and love. She’s not a god, but she’s still powerful, especially with manipulation. Being a high priestess of Sabayon has always made her think that relationships have a power dynamic. She’s honestly probably the type to stalk you. You saw her at a meeting once, and now things in your room go missing, reappearing days later. And would you look at that, you’re meeting Ryka again at another meeting, and you’re having lovely conversation! She’d be so unassuming that it hurts. After a while of knowing her, having meetings with her, preparing for sacrifices or rituals together, you come to really love her company. She’s so understanding, and such a good listener. Your missing items and stalker’s behavior are getting worse, however. You finally decide you trust her enough to tell her all about your stalker problem, and oh she’s just so concerned for you! You poor, poor thing! Tell her all about it; hell, why not let her stay with you so you feel a little safer! You fool. You utter fool. This would be about the time you realize that she’s your stalker. You gave her easy access to your home, and she’s using it to the fullest. Now you’re noticing that when she visits, you’re missing a LOT more. Once you confront her about it, that’s when you’re really not getting out of her web. Now you’re not allowed to leave your house, you’re bound up in your own room while she comes and goes, acting like she lives here. “I don't know why you’re upset, have I not been your perfect companion through the time we’ve known each other?” and “You’re making a fuss over a few missing items, honestly, you should grow up. It’s not like you were kidnapped.” She’s just waiting for the Stockholm syndrome to set in. 😞

VAUXARIN is honestly not likely to be that much of a yandere, at least not in my main au, so just play pretend for me okay? I know my partner, who asked for these headcanons, was probably hoping to see him on this list, so suspend your disbelief. He, like Ryka, would also be a stalker. A total stalker. BUT, unlike Ryka, he doesn’t care if you know about it. In fact, he hopes you do find out. He hopes that you wander the Abyss, looking over your shoulder every minute, checking for him. He hopes that seeing him around, even minding his business, puts you on edge. If you confront him about it, he’d outright admit it. What are you going to do about it, really? Tell on him? Report him to the higher ups? Not only would they likely not believe you, his abilities would probably prevent him from ever being caught. He’d rub it in your face, all “Go ahead and tell them. Tell them that I sneak around, watching your every move.” He’d probably be the type to tell you what exactly he’s done. He’s detailing his every crime. He’d be horrible in court. “I broke your lock with my scythe and watched you sleep.” “I killed that other god for looking at you for too long. They said they didn’t even know your name, but I’m not taking chances.” “Yes you saw me dragging chains into my room, did you think I was just going to watch you from afar?” BOOM KIDNAPPED!!!! He'd just keep you chained up in his room, honestly. He doesn’t care if you don’t like him or not, he doesn’t care if you beg and cry and scream to be let go. You’re in no position to make demands, and he’s going to be keeping you.

OKAY THAT'S ALL. if anyone is still reading this and wants to know about literally any of my other ocs send me an ask :3 i love writing stuff like this im cringe im free

[alrightbuckaroo]

hi ada! it's nice ask week! i hope you don't mind me coming into your inbox!

what are your 3 favorite scenes in lone star?

what's your favorite hobby outside of fandom?

what's your favorite song/album right now?

Hello Rachel; I don't mind at all! I hope life is being kind to you and that hateful messages cease entering your inbox for the rest of time <3

what are your 3 favorite scenes in lone star?

Oh gosh, only three??

Maybe it's cheesy but I love the proposal scene. There's so many layers to it: the fact it was episode 3x18 and TK woke Carlos up at 3:18 in the morning, just after Carlos told TK he can wake him up at 3 a.m. if he needs anything??? I love the red string of fate, I love synchronicity I love soulmates. I also love the fact TK holds Carlos' hands the way he did when he told him they make a pretty good team. I say it all the time, but they really do hold one another like that's the reason God gave them two hands <3 Also the way TK rocks back and forth with excitement? The same way he flipped the ring he was going to propose to Alex with but because of anxiety? If I'm going to love anything it's a reference let me tell you that much!

I have gone out of my way to show people the Lou story line because to this day it might actually be my favorite. It's so miniscule, in a way, in the grand scheme of things but nothing beats TK walking in, posed like this: 🧍‍♂️and asking Carlos if they were robbed. As if the COP would just be sitting in a mess of a living room if they had 😭

Saving Grace is tied with Push as my favorite episode and I'll occasionally think of Grace telling Judd, "You're so tall." and Judd replying with, "You're so beautiful." and feel the need to scream because I LOVE them so much. I have a spin-off I want to write based off a Tarlos AU that's in the work and I can't wait to write them falling in love because I love falling in love with their love.

what's your favorite hobby outside of fandom?

Media consumption seems like the weirdest thing to call a hobby, but truly, that's what it is!

I love watching films that I don't know I'm about to love (Humboldt County, my beloved) , discovering new television shows that rewire my brain (looking at you AMC's Interview with the Vampire), listening to music that feels like sunshine (Cannock Chase by Labi Siffre, you will always be famous) or reading a book that makes me want to bite a brick (A Density of Souls by Christopher Rice ruined my life (affectionately)

If I'm not doing any of that, and this is going to sound so corny, but I write! I've been working on a novella for a little while as I'm trying to prepare something for grad school (that isn't gay firefighter fanfiction lol) and I was working on a book of poetry before realizing that I'm a much stronger narrative fiction writer than I am a poet (Ada Limón if I could just have a sprinkling of your voice please ma'am)

what's your favorite song/album right now?

Album wise it has to be Cowboy Carter. I've been saying it since forever, but Beyoncé truly is on a very different level than any other pop artist we have right now (and I like a lot of them! I loved eternal sunshine and I can not WAIT until Dua drops her third album in May)

If anyone is the music industry right now it is her because she is constantly reinventing herself as well and influencing the industry as whole. Did you know that she's the reason music comes out on Fridays now? Her impact !!

Anyways, one of my favorite genres of music is Classic Country; so think 1950s, 1960s Patsy Cline, Johnny Cash, Skeeter Davis, Lee Hazlewood, Glen Campbell; that whole bunch.

So, I was so excited to see what Beyoncé was going to cook up because that is a woman who makes sure each and every thing she makes is perfection and my god, it got as close as any of her work has gotten so far.

It also features an interpolation of Good Vibratations by The Beach Boys, who's one of my favorite artists so it feels like this album was made specifically with me in mind. Here's hoping Act III is rock because I need to hear her with Jack White again.

[steviewashere]

I'm getting around to responding to comments on my ao3 and holy shit.

Somebody pointed out how they loved that not all my descriptors are pretty. That, when something awful is happening, I do write disgusting. That, and this was for a scene where Steve is crying, he gags and chokes and gasps for air because the tears are coming so hard.

Like, yes! Finally! Somebody understands!

And, I gotta be honest here, I don't always enjoy writing fluffy, pretty things. I adore writing horrid, disgusting, twisted things. Things that spark an emotional movement or make the reader have to sit with my words for a moment. Or the reader has to walk away and come back.

I once got a comment where—for a fic where Steve loses his mom—they literally had to stop reading several times through the chapter (not the whole fic, just this one chapter) and call their mother. Just to check in and tell her how much they love her.

Yes! Have a visceral reaction to my writing! Hate me, call me evil, tell me that I broke your heart over and over and over again. I live for that shit. Tell me that my soft, tooth-rotting fluff scenes are moving you so emotionally because you seek that romance for yourself. Tell me that the soft writing makes your chest pulse and your stomach hurt with joy and pleasure and unbearable sweetness. It tells me, based on how strong your reaction is, that my writing is doing its job.

That I'm doing my job.

And writers, don't be afraid to write that fucked up thing you wanna write. Make your characters sick, kill your main character, make them grieve, coat them in blood, make them scream and gasp and gag and sob until all they can do is pass out from exhaustion. Make your characters human.

Anyway. Just—Ugh! I love comments; I love praise and kudos, but I love when people comment about what aspects of my writing they enjoy. I also adore when they quote a passage back at me and tell me that it stuck to them. Like, yes, my writing has altered your brain and lives with you forever. That's what I want. That's what I'm hoping for.

Okay, going back to my writing cave, thinking about how I'll continue some of my WIPs and prepare myself for the next steddielovemonth prompt. <3

[thefairyhills]

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ* A COLLECTION OF QUOTES THAT LIVE IN MY HEAD RENT-FREE.

as the title says, this is a list of quotes from books, movies, song lyrics, videogames, pinterest posts and anything else that has been stuck in my brain forever, for one reason or another. a part 2 may or may not follow. adapt any gendered terms as needed!

❝ to love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed. ❞

❝ there are no men like me. only me. ❞

❝ the heart is an arrow. it demands aim to land true. ❞

❝ give me back my girlhood, it was mine first. ❞

❝ stories connect us to our past. they shape a people in profound ways. without them, we are lost. ❞

❝ everyone loves strength, but do you love me for my weakness? ❞

❝ i wish that i could say i am a light that never goes out, but i flicker from time to time. ❞

❝ just between us, did the love affair maim you too? ❞

❝ when the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway. ❞

❝ death doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints. ❞

❝ when they shattered our spirit, we became sharpest at the break. ❞

❝ she didn't want to be loved for her petals, she wanted to be loved for her thorns. she knew if someone loved her flaws, they would love her whole. ❞

❝ to love someone is firstly to confess: i'm prepared to be devastated by you. ❞

❝ love speaks in flowers. truth requires thorns. ❞

❝ because saving the people you love isn't stupid. it isn't even a choice. ❞

❝ don't go where i can't follow. ❞

❝ whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. ❞

❝ it takes grace to remain kind in cruel situations. ❞

❝ there's some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for. ❞

❝ the water hears and understands. the ice does not forgive. ❞

❝ i am my scars. ❞

❝ that's the thing about pain. it demands to be felt. ❞

❝

it's not your fault i ruin everything. and it's not your fault i can't be what you need. ❞

❝ i'm not interested in being polite or heterosexual. ❞

❝ the flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all. ❞

❝ you were the one who wanted to win. and i just wanted a sister. ❞

❝ you know how scared i am of elevators. never trust it if it rises fast, it can't last. ❞

❝ i am not ruined. i am ruination. ❞

❝ all my flowers grew back as thorns. ❞

❝ if i can't have love i want power. ❞

❝ i came out to attack people, and i'm honestly having such a good time right now. ❞

❝ anger was better than tears, better than grief, better than guilt. ❞

❝ i'm meaner than my demons. ❞

❝ i love her, and that's the beginning and end of everything. ❞

❝ you are haunted, like every other holy thing. ❞

❝ my skin has turned to porcelain, to ivory, to steel. ❞

❝ innocence died screaming, honey, ask me i should know. ❞

❝ what is infinite? the universe and the greed of men. ❞

❝ i could never hold a perfect thing and not demolish it. ❞

❝ how could somebody ever love me? ❞

❝ you don't get to destroy someone and decide how ruined they're allowed to feel. ❞

❝ i am afraid of you. in loving me, you hold a knife at my throat. in loving you, i tell you exactly where to cut. ❞

❝ because i take things away from stupid, evil old men. it's what i do. ❞

❝ they deserve to lose everything. and i deserve to have all their stuff. ❞

❝ tell me, if he handed you a bloodied hand, would you take it, just because it was his? ❞

❝ hell is empty and all the devils are here. ❞

❝ i desire the things that will destroy me in the end. ❞

❝ i have tried loving less but that hurts just the same. ❞

❝ wanting was enough. for me, it was enough to live for the hope of it all. ❞

❝ the only heaven i'll be sent to is when i'm alone with you. ❞

❝ i could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; i would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. i would know him in death, at the end of the world. ❞

❝ these violent delights have violent ends. ❞

❝ we love with claws and teeth and the blood is just proof of how much. it's feral. and it's relentless. ❞

❝ feelings that come back are feelings that never left. ❞

❝ good for you, you're doing great out there without me. god, i wish that I could do that. ❞

❝ if i could hold you for a minute, darling, i'd go through it again. ❞

❝ i don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch. ❞

❝ i don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush. ❞

❝ and logically, you're the last thing i should have on my mind, but i want you there sometimes. ❞

[yunieluna]

These are the Days of our Lives

A Biggs x Jessie fanfic

Chapter 5: Aftermath Pt.2 / Who wants to live forever

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Final Chapter

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A few days later, Jessie is back at the Leaf House. How can she explain the whole situation? That she's responsible for everything that happened to Biggs.

Corneo’s lackeys had come after her. Biggs was right about that. There was nothing that her expertise in engineering and chemicals couldn't handle quickly, though. She had prepared some special pepper gas bombs many days before Biggs even showed up, because she knew she couldn't trust Corneo even a single bit. They were safely stored in her room, though, so she often regrets not having taken one with her just in case. And she didn't tell Biggs about her precautionary measures. Maybe things would've turned out differently if he had known that she had already prepared for the worst.

Anyway, with the help of the pepper gas bombs, she managed to escape and bring back the money she had earned until then. Was the Gil really worth Biggs’ life, though? If it keeps the kids from starving, I'd happily give my life. That surely would've been his answer.

“Why couldn't you have been thinking about yourself for once?” She was addressing this question to the man lying in front of her in a defeated tone.

Yet again, she was sitting beside his bed hoping he would recover. It was pure luck that a doctor who patches up contestants of the Dustbowl’s Beast Battleground had come across them on his way from the infirmary that happened to be on the very same floor where the encounter with Corneo took place. Jessie's impromptu pressure bandages had bought Biggs enough time for the doctor to be able to stitch him up properly. He had survived another fatal wound, at least for the time being.

“Not my style.” Biggs' voice is fragile.

When she looks him in the face and sees no change, Jessie wonders if she is starting to imagine things now. His eyes are still closed, and his face is expressionless.

Suddenly, he tilts his head a little and slowly manages to open his eyes, meeting Jessie's puzzled gaze. He smiles weakly. Tears begin to form in her eyes, this time, they're out of relief and happiness, though.

“Oh my gosh, you're awake.” She knows she's stating the obvious, but it's all she can seem to say at the moment.

But then she's quickly overcome by the whole situation, the constant fear of losing him has taken a toll on her mental state. She's not thinking straight. Nothing else matters anymore, except for being close to him. Biggs was able to sit up a little in the meantime…when Jessie suddenly takes a leap and jumps right into his arms, embracing him even tighter than a few days ago when they met after her performance. He hisses sharply in pain when his stabbing wound starts to thrust again. Only then did she realize she hadn't thought about his injury. Oh shit, how could I forget? Please, don't let the stitches open up again…

“Shit!!! I'm so sorry!” She shifts to check his bandages, is there any blood soaking through them? For now, there are no red stains visible, which lifts her tension a little.

“Hey, I'm happy to be among the livin’, too. So don't sweat about it…” Biggs is trying to sound as reassuring as possible. He knows she had a hard time, most likely worse than himself, and he's the one who got shot and stabbed within the span of just a few weeks. But he was neither the one who needed to see suffering constantly, nor did he feel helpless while being unconscious. He tries to think of a way to make her feel comfortable again, but there's not much coming to mind.

Instead, there're already traces of memories trickling in…They've got no particular order, so he's trying to make sense of them, but his brain is not working properly yet.

“Sweating? Now? Are you kidding me? Carrying your ass down the stairs while you were dying…that's what I'd call sweating…or like worrying you'd die again…not that I did for a few weeks already…Can't believe you can't get a little hint…”

He chuckles, shaking his head in amusement a little, because he knows that when Jessie feels lost, or in a negative mood of any kind, she inevitably starts to get even more talkative, but it's mostly just rambling about things that cross her mind and have no substance at all.

For instance, that's when Biggs and Wedge knew something was bugging her when she secretly wanted to go topside, hiring Cloud to help her. It had just been a few hours since the bombing of Reactor 1 and they already knew that her mind had been preoccupied with worrying about something the whole time. That's just how well the three of them knew each other. So the guys made sure to be able to support her in whatever she was planning…by lending two bikes to get topside. Biggs was pretty sure—actually, he would even cross the pretty—that Jessie hadn't made a coherent plan, that she hadn't been thinking about every possible obstacle, that she was just focused on that one goal she wanted to achieve, which is fine, because she's the one building bombs and faking IDs for them, and that considers a sharp intellect that is able to focus on one particular task. So yeah, in the end, neither Biggs, nor Wedge were surprised that she didn't manage to check the running times of the trains.

A realization hit him like a thunderbolt all of a sudden, though. His mind had finished organizing all that had happened while he was at Gold Saucer. He really just wants to forget the new name of the place, it seems.

But there's especially one thing he's eager to never forget…and honestly, now, when he nearly died twice, and his best friend did, and when the other person he's caring for so deeply is right in front of him, what's there to lose? Here goes nothing…and he simply starts to explain his thoughts.

“Jessie?...I remember what happened…Everything. Corneo & his lackeys, your performance as Rosa… the kiss…” The last memory feels like it was made up to him, was there really a chance, a reality, a world in which Jessie would kiss him?

He waits for her response. There's none. Just uncomfortable silence and an embarrassed-looking Jessie. So Biggs continues.

“Ehm, the thing with the kiss…We can forget about it, if that's what ya want…I mean, I get it…the situation was kinda…”

Jessie had heard enough. “No!… I don't want to forget.” She's shaking her head.

Biggs is caught off-guard by her sudden outburst. It's the answer he would've liked to hear, but there's a hint of doubt in the back of his head that he needs clarification on.

“What about Cloud?” There's no subtle way of addressing this matter for Biggs. He witnessed how Jessie was all googly eyes around the Ex-SOLDIER ever since he showed up to their mission to bomb the Sector 1 reactor.

After the initial shock of this bold question had worn off, Jessie said, smiling knowingly, “That? That was just a game…I…I always fool around with guys.”

Biggs remained silent, but she saw that his shoulders sank a little and that his eyes had lost their initial spark. The implication of this statement suddenly hit her hard. Does Biggs think she's playing him, too? She quickly needs to finally set things straight.

“Most of them, I mean. That's ‘cause, you know, a little while ago, I realized that there's only one guy I actually genuinely like…”

She's staring right at him. Does he get what she is trying to say? His dark eyes are widening with curiosity. His expression is questioning her. Is she actually talking about him??? He wants to ask, but when he sees her expectant smile and red cheeks, he doesn't need to anymore.

This time, it's Biggs who moves in first. He closes the distance slowly, maybe she'll change her mind? When Jessie is the storm, Biggs is the calm. She really wants this, though. No turning back.

It's merely a ghost of a kiss, their lips barely touching. They're overrun by all kinds of emotions…and confusion about what this is between them now.

Suddenly, Biggs gets bolder, though. He deepens the kiss a little, and Jessie answers by picking up the pace to match his.

They both angle their heads a little to get into a more comfortable position. And then there's no stopping them anymore…

There's a need for each other's lips that has deployed them beyond all control.

A tingling sensation is rising in Jessie's body…and she suddenly breaks the kiss before a moan can escape her mouth.

“Sorry, I…I got carried away there for a sec.” Biggs apologizes sheepishly, hoping he didn't overstep any boundaries.

“Yeah, me too.” Jessie's cheeks are a bright shade of red, but she's smiling and adds, “it was amazing, though.”

Biggs is taken aback by this sudden statement, but he can't help but feel like he has accomplished something he didn't think he was capable of.

And then Jessie proceeds to hug him tightly again, her head resting next to his, her deep breathing resonating in Biggs’ right ear, her body so close that he can feel her racing heart.

“Hey, Biggs?” - “Hm?”

There's a small pause that leaves Biggs wondering what might follow.

“I love you.”

Can three simple words turn your world upside down? He never thought about it but he's certain now that they absolutely can. There's no need to think about an answer, either. He carried it within him for years now, always making sure it could never break free, that it would not be discovered, and that it wouldn't make a difference regarding their friendship.

“I love you, Jessie.”

It's as simple as that, there's no ‘too’ needed. There's no competition about who started liking whom first, or if there's a need to reciprocate the other person's feelings.

He can feel her head tilt and a small kiss on a spot of his cheek close to his ear.

“Don't ever be so reckless again, okay? I…I really couldn't take losing you for good.”

He doesn't feel like he has been too reckless. Admittedly, he could've come better prepared. Reason is not what is expected of him at this moment, though. So he just caresses Jessie’s head and promises her the very same thing she asked for.

Knowing him means that she can trust his word, so she finally feels like she can relax, at least a little. And despite the life changing events that went down just a few minutes ago, Biggs' is feeling the exhaustion in his body - recovery takes time after all.

“Ehm, would ya’ lay down with me for a bit?” He asks sincerely.

She senses the tiredness in his voice and agrees. Then she crawls over him, this time making sure she won't put any pressure on his wounded left side, finding a comfortable position in his arm along his right side. The bed is small - it's for one person after all, but neither of them cares.

Biggs exhales deeply one time, resting on his back, his right arm around Jessie, who has barely any space - she's already touching the wall with her back. She's positioning her head on his chest, having her right arm draped around his lower body, and making sure she's not too close to his wound.

She now feels the exhaustion, too. Her wounds are not visible, but they are still as deep as his. And she feels that he knows that, too.

The comfort. The reassurance. The closeness. The love. It's radiating between them.

She closes her eyes, as did Biggs, and drifts off to sleep easily…for the first time in what feels like forever.

A few minutes later, Ms. Folia bursts into the room, carrying a new set of dressings for Biggs' wound. She gasps slightly in shock when she finds them both fast asleep - arm in arm, smiling lightly - sets the things she's holding in her hands down on the table as quietly as possible and tiptoes out again.

Was about time, she thinks when she closes the door behind her and leaves them to their dreams.

-------

Will add screenshots soon and the corresponding pic as soon as it's finished

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Notes: Loved writing this and a little sad that it's over now 😢 Buuut, my Bessie brain already crafts 3 oneshots, soooo I'm probably not done yet...

In the meantime, give Wedge, Biggs and Jessie some well deserved love 💚💙🤍

[dennydraws]

Good Morning and happy Mon- wait it's Tuesday!

Argh, I got lost in time again! It's another week and back to the grind! Why weekends can't be longer...

Whew, youtubing is getting slightly easier! But now I struggle with the phone camera. I keep trying different settings and at the end the weird wiggle still persists. But for now I just want to get more comfy with the drawing process while recording cause that alone can be a little uncomfy hehe I guess it's the whole selfconcious that you are being recorded XD but with that said, I ran out of energy to record a voice over last weekend while fighting a terrible migraine on Sunday. I thought to leave it for the next weekend instead of pushing myself but if I get burst of energy earlier, I will post it through the week :D

Comic work! Thank you for following "The Snake, The Firebrand and The King of All" !! ... that title sure is a mouthful, huh xD; The next chapter will be a bit late, likely next monday? I did outline it, I had to start sketching the pages on Sunday but I felt so incredibly tired, I spent most of the day just sleeping. I think work fatigue piled on me once more. We have a lot of holidays in February and of course a lot of graphics for those. I've been coming home with nothing but brain fog, static noise and desire to sleep forever. u_u;; But at least chapter 11 is fully sketched and I quite liked the flow of it! It is a bit more complex but maybe I can line art it little by little through the week rather than all at once in the weekend. I'll see! I'm pass the mid point and into the fluff now! +o+ I didn't think I'd go this far for something I didn't incredibly prepared for!

I've been playing Fire Emblem Heroes on the side... while waiting for other games to come out this year - looking at Eiyuden 👀! I will likely drop off the earth till I finish it, when it comes out, hehe ! :D But yes! FE! I'm long time fan though I hadn't played anything after Awakening, so more of a fan of the old ones? I couldn't invest the time and energy to pick 3 Houses purely because there was no golden ending of everyone lives and is happy - I'm too old for that sad shite, okay? u_u;;; Fates... we don't talk about Fates and Engage felt like the vtuber nation attacked. I couldn't get pass the character designs so I never touched it. The mobile game is fun and I just mainly picked it so I could grab some faves and pamper them! Lucky for me my faves have like no alts and were easy to pick :D;;; ...so I guess my taste is that bad, huh 8D;; It's ok Gangrel, I still think you are the best Trash King!

But yes~ I'm swamped at work, my hands are giving in, I can't wait for the weather to get warmer and I can't wait for Eiyuden to come out! \o/ Until then, I try to survive xD;; but don't we all? Apologies for not posting much...or anything lately. Work has just been soul crushing crunch as usual when several big holidays come in 1 month.

In any case ~ Thank you for stopping by and I hope you have great rest of the week! \o/!!

[findmeinthefallair]

One of the funniest people I know, a talented pianist and family friend, passed away from a long battle with cancer today. I liked it when he and his wife visited and stayed over at our place because their sunny personalities would temporarily put the ongoing crap at home on hold. They were one of the couples that made me go "Ghhh if only they were my parents".

And I can't fucking attend the funeral because he lives abroad. I can't leave flowers for him where he'll be buried and I'm so pissed off.

He never opened the email where I told him I had my own cancer battle. It turns out he was too incapacitated to do so by then. Because he got tired of failed drug trials and decided to reject the morphine he was regularly taking. I had been curious to discuss cancer-related things with him and bond further with him over that.

He used our house to host an overdue reunion party with his long-time friends back in December. He played some beautiful music on the piano. Many of us were prepared to think, this might be the last gathering in which we see him. We were right. And during that time, my doctor and I still thought that my own developing cancer pains (still not removed via surgery, and the X-rays, MRI and biopsy had not been done yet) were just a stupid muscle problem.

Am having complicated emotions about all this. I know he would've wanted to keep going because he had exciting things waiting for him IRL. Whereas for me...

I'm in remission from my own cancer but if I'm honest? 1) I would've loved to trade places with him. Outside of fandom and my fulfilling work, I'm still seeing the IRL outside world as too bleak. I kinda wanted and even hoped to a degree that my cancer would've just taken me swiftly, back in February. But 2) I have the strength to not act on my suicidal ideation because I genuinely believe now that doing that would permanently damage the loved ones I have (siblings, friends, and my clients). It's just that I haven't arrived at the place where I keep going for me and me only. That's going to take time, and honestly a bunch of miracles for my IRL circumstances that would be nice.

So it's those two voices coexisting. They're having a conversation like an angel and devil on my shoulder. I have to let them talk it out with one another and have that noise buzzing around in my head until it passes.

I'm not sure it's survivor's guilt I'm feeling. It's a "It'd make sense that I'd be the one to die rather than him" kind of thing. It's "why the fuck am I the one who's still here, when he was the one who wanted to stay..more than I wanted to?"

He didn't have C-PTSD like I do. He would've seen more of the bright side of life, so he would've wanted to stay more than I want to. He had a jolly personality while I honestly don't: I'm more the reserved-but-assertive type IRL. Like. I know my intrinsic worth, I make good art, write well, I can say that every single therapy session I have conducted in my training and career so far has resulted in the client feeling heard and seen. Hell, I can handle public speaking and love some shows, movies and my fave music. But this fact remains: sometimes I come back to this existential tiredness that sleep doesn't fix and I have that alluring temptation to visualize the peace of death. It's not about me worrying that I can't contribute to anything. It's just that I'm tired.

My brain is trying to rationalize with some form of math, saying that if he passed his fatal cancer to me, and I passed my state of remission to him, it would've satisfied his desires and mine too. He stays, I leave.

I guess this is why I love being in airports too. Being in the departure lounge. The thought of "departing", finding peace somewhere even if only a while. No more pain forever.

Being in the cancer club is weird when you're under 40 or some similar number. Like finding an underground city where you can't really climb back above ground ever again, therefore you become acquainted with the natives of this city and learn their language. He was in that 'city' for a long time while I have just discovered it in recent weeks, but he was gone before I could meet him in that 'city'. He's now some ghost. But I'm still here and not feeling that great about that.

[jandjsalmon]

2023 FFRC - January

HELLO everyone! It's a new year and a new @fanfic-reading-challenge - I hope you've all had an awesome January! Despite it being the absolute worst time to go on vacation for me (work-wise), we spent a week in San Francisco for our anniversary. It was gorgeous. Pictures don't even do it justice (but here are a few 😊)

Anyway - For the new folks (those of you who are not bots) who started following me in the last week - in case you were wondering what this post is - I'm a regular participant (and low-key helper) at the @fanfic-reading-challenge - and I also track all the fic I read each year. For the last couple of years, I've reported back here once a month with some stats and some recs, and a little bit of boring stuff about my life. So, that's what this post is about. Happy you're here! Welcome!🖤

January 2023

Okay okay. SO going into this challenge, I thought it would be a few months before I started reading things twice BUT there is an amazing fic that just LIVES in my brain and I read it earlier in the month - and then reread it again a few days ago. I'm counting it twice and I honestly think everyone should read it (clearly - because I think I've rec'd it twice on my blog already and it just came out). It's beautiful. weird, but fucking beautiful (you, wanting me) by @victimofthemusic (Wednesday/Xavier -T 1/1) Definitely worth my first "double read" of the year. 🖤

As for the challenge! It's a new sheet of fun and challenging tasks. I've only completed 44/309 thus far but that doesn't seem too bad considering I'm only a month in.

Okay - what did I read this month that you might enjoy?! Try these:

The News Article Significance by DefyGravity18 (Sheldon/Penny - M 42/42)

Summary: When I was eighteen years old, I made a decision. I was not going to live the same life that my sister was living, or that my mother had been living, or even my Gran. So, after one semester of community college, I decided that Omaha just wasn't going to cut it for me. I packed my clothes, took the remaining money I had from graduation, got into my shitty red Volkswagen and left Nebraska for good.

Penny knows what she wants in life. At least, she used to. Howard and Bernadette's wedding sets off a series of events which will change her life forever. Plans change and Penny will have to learn the hard way how to adapt.

Why you should read: Okay - so I'm an unapologetic Shenny girl when it comes to The Big Bang Theory. But I like when EVERYONE is happy and the characters are all given just great arcs in this one. It starts at a wedding and the pacing is great and believable. There is mention of domestic abuse a bit (not our mains) - so if that's something you're sensitive about, be aware. I really just love Shenny fic where both are supportive and live their best lives. This is one of those. Definitely a happy ending for EVERYONE.

--*--

Fresh Blood by @ozmathegreatand (Wednesday/Xavier - M 2/2)

Summary: Xavier Thorpe’s eyes have not left her face. The high of the kill is wearing off, but he doesn’t seem fazed, not in the way a normal person would be. The blood staining his face highlights the plane of bone, the shape of his skull perfectly. She wonders what sort of monster she is prepared to open her heart to. “Will you pay me court?” she asks, interrupting his thoughts.

He stares at her. “Miss Addams,” he says at last – because of course he’s guessed who she is – “I would love to.” He smiles at her, the boyish charm in contrast is as jarring as it is swoon-worthy. Disgusting. Wednesday loves it at once.

Why you should read: OH MY GOSH. It's SOO dark. I'm in love with it. There is cannibalism. There are ghosts. There is absolute devotion (think like Gomez - but taller and slimmer). It's delicious. (ha ha. Sorry - that was a little on the nose, considering).

--*--

ALSO - you should read the_retro_witch's entire Sweet Nightmare series. It's a post-canon universe where after Crackstone's defeat, Wednesday and Xavier get together before they leave school and now it's grown into this amazing saga with mystery-solving soulmates and psychic and witchy amazingness. The other characters are developed and the plots are rich and fun. It updates pretty darn regularly and every word is a delight. Honestly. Read the series, you won't regret it. Let it be your first foray into Wenvier if you are on the fence. Don't be on the fence. Come ship with me! 🖤🖤

ANYWAY - sending you all warm hugs and hope for a wonderful February. Love love love to you all! 🖤❤️

[abimess]

https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPd6Ykoc4/

I’ve been back for less than a day but I kindly demand request this please 😇

First of all, I'm so glad you're back, friend, Tumblr is a better place with you here haha hope you enjoy it!

A not-so-subtle Avenger

Yelena Belova x Reader

gif is not mine

Summary: At Christmas, you decide to finally confess your feelings for the younger Black Widow. Little do you know she's already quite aware of it.

Warnings: none

Pronouns: not used || Word count: 834

You do NOT have permission to repost or translate my work on any platforms (even with credit)

Christmas Special Masterlist | Masterlist | Library Blog

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You're a nervous wreck.

In all the years of attending the best schools and being trained by Earth's Mightiest Heroes, nothing ever prepared you for this: falling in love with a beautiful girl.

A few months ago Natasha introduced her sister to the team, and it was right there and then you knew you were doomed.

No matter how hard you tried to avoid it, not falling in love with Yelena was simply something you couldn't avoid.

But despite being completely head over heels for the blonde, you felt you could hide it very well.

As far as you know, Wanda is the only person who has found out your biggest secret, but this is probably because the redhead is the one you have been closest to since you joined the team. Or maybe she read your mind, you would never know.

But regardless of all this, today was the day that everything would change. Nat invited you to spend Christmas at her house, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to confess to the youngest Black Widow your deepest secrets.

So, yeah, you're a nervous wreck. Luckily, you knew how to hide it.

"Are you gonna rehearse coming in forever, Y/n?" Yelena's voice, sitting with her back to you on the living room couch, makes you freeze in place. You didn't expect her to notice you there. Since she did, it was now or never.

"Hey, Yelena." You start awkwardly, stopping in front of her on the couch as a nervous giggle escapes your lips. "I wanna talk to you."

"I noticed." She replies in a playful tease, and you feel your cheeks flushing slightly. "Go on." She amusedly encourages, and you take a deep breath.

"Well, I don't know how to say this, but I just wanted to let you know that you are such a wonderful person. You're funny, and smart, and fun... And I understand if this is all too weird and you don't feel the same way, but oh my God, I think I'm in love with you." You bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from talking even more bullshit.

"What? This is crazy!" Yelena says in a sing-song voice just as you finish and you frown. "Wait. You knew?!"

"Are you surprised?!" The blonde asks, sounding equally surprised, and you scoff. "I mean, yeah! I thought I was hiding it so well."

"Oh, please." Yelena lets out amidst a giggle, but when she notices your serious expression, she stops. "You're serious? Oh god, you're so cute." She says amusedly, smiling at your intensely pink cheeks.

"Y/n, everybody knew." She tells next, and you make a mixed grimace of surprise and offended. "Really? Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Pity." You hear Nat's voice muffled through the kitchen door. As Yelena laughs softly, you roll your eyes. But then you frown. "Wait, why didn't you talk to me?"

"How would I? You run away every time I'm around." She answers casually, and you grumble in agreement. There's no arguing with that.

"But since we're here now," she says then, getting up from the couch, and you hold your breath as she walks over to you, "I think I'm in love with you too."

Despite being exactly what you wanted to hear, the confession takes you by surprise, and Yelena giggles softly at your visible gay panic.

"I'm gonna kiss you now, okay?" she asks softly, and you fight your short-circuited brain to answer. "O-okay."

Yelena's hands on the sides of your face are soft, but softer than them are her lips against yours. You sigh as you match the kiss, and the two of you only pull away when air is needed.

"Oh well, I think I'm gonna faint." You comment playfully, but not doubting the veracity of your words that much. Yelena giggles. "Come here, I'll hold you."

"Can we come in now?" Nat shouts impatiently from the kitchen and you and Yelena shout yes as you sit down on the couch.

"I can't believe it took you so long, Y/n, I trained you better than this." The older Black Widow mumbles amusedly as she sits down on the couch facing the one you're on, Wanda right behind her.

"Don't be mean." The witch scolds her girlfriend as she sits down next to her, and Natasha rolls her eyes amused.

"Yeah, Nat, stop! It was actually really cute." Yelena defends you, but has an equally amused smile on her face, and you roll your eyes, your cheeks as red as a tomato.

"Okay, okay, it's true." The older one says, raising her hands in surrender, but soon her expression is mischievous again. "At least now we can tease you about all your gay panics."

Grumbling, you bury your face in your hands.

As the women around you laugh, you feel all your muscles squirming with embarrassment.

But that's okay, because Yelena holds you protectively, and as long as she was with you, you would survive anything.

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And that's it for today! I hope you enjoyed it, thoughts and comments are always welcome ツ

Taglist: @yuhloversxx @madamevirgo @an-evergreen-rose @helloalycia @wandas1mp @cantcontroltheirfear @diaryoflife @cristin-rjd @ensorcellme @aimezvousbrahms @natasha-danvers @purplemeetsblue @randomshyperson @peggycarter-steverogers @b0mbdotc0m @ethereal-pxradise @stephanieromanoff @tomy5girls @gingerbreadcookieforlife @imapotatao @musicinourlips @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @allfiguredout @olsensnpm @magicallymaximoff @nothing-isimpossible @mionemymind @itsmionet @xastrydx @sxfwap @nicole-rayleigh-hot @wellsayhelloaagin @midnight-lestrange @1-800-depressedlesbian @b-5by5 @blackwow34 @nervoustrack @somewhatgreatexpectations @yeetus-thyself @chelleztjs18 @franfineashell @mrromanoff (if you wanna be tagged check the form on my BIO)

[zaynesplushiekiller]

Hello again ... i love you i hope you know that muwah

okay listen i swear i found this hello kitty boba box thing yesterday .. and imagining the reader n ayato trying it together lives in my head even tho i have boba !!!

- 🍁

hi!! i like this prompt, but i'm gonna focus more on reader making ayato boba because he deserves it (✯ᴗ✯)

I've included: Kamisato Ayato

and the fact that you knew how to make his favorite drink? amazing! he was so excited when you proposed the idea of making some for him. anytime you two would go out on dates, he'd always order some kind of boba. he always relented his favorite kind to you, though.

❁❁

it's not a well-kept secret that the elder brother of the kamisato siblings loves boba. what would ayato not do for that sweet milk tea and tapioca? the short answer is, there is nothing that would keep him away.

he loved the original milk tea, and he would tell everyone it was his favorite. anyone who would listen, at least. but, that wasn't his real favorite, it was just the easiest to order at a restaurant.

he had told it to you one day when you were preparing a passionfruit for a snack. "you know, I love passionfruit bubble tea. not as much as I love you, though."

a sly smile on his face appeared when he heard you do that cute giggle of yours, and he turned away to finish whatever he was doing. you couldn't really remember, trying hard to keep those words in your brain, for forever.

so when you offered to make him some passionfruit boba, he was absolutely thrilled, sitting on the counter as he watched you prepare the passionfruit seeds again, like you did every now and then. only this time, with a giddy smile on his face.

while you were cutting the yummy fruit, you had already placed the tea at a boil in the kettle, and the tapioca pearls on the stovetop, humming as you waited in the kamisato kitchen. ayato was surprisingly quiet, and this was definitely a shock. normally he was a chatterbox, his pleasant voice ringing through your ears as you both went about your days.

"why are you so quiet?" you asked, turning away from your fruit cutting. "it's not like you, love."

he doesn't respond immediately. instead, he smiles. "I'm really excited, I can't wait for my drink. you're going to try some too, right?"

you nod, turning back to the fruit. "I would say we could share, but I know you, and I know you're not going to give me a damn sip of the drink."

he laughs, his voice is so warm, so soothing. like its drizzled with the sweet wildflower honey you add to the tapioca. it doesn't really do much, except sweeten it, but you like how it tastes.

you hope ayato does, too.

after you add some passionfruit syrup to the tea, and add the pearls, and the ice, you're finally done! the end product looks absolutely delicious. two drinks for two cuties!

"is it done?" he hops off the counter, and walks behind you, lazily putting his arm around your shoulder.

"yes, try it."

he definitely doesn't hesitate, grabbing the drink from your hands and taking a sip. you can't deny you're a little nervous. this man is a diva when it comes to his boba tea! if he doesn't like it, you know he'll tell you straight.

he's still quiet, but he takes another sip of the drink. you can feel your heart racing in your ears, was he always this quiet?

"this tastes soo good. oh my archons!"

you've never been more glad to hear him. he pulls away from his drink (shocker!), and gives you a big kiss.

and when you both finally pulled away, you take a sip of your own drink, and it does taste really fucking good.

[olderthannetfic]

Heh. So. That fucking fic.

I actively tried to forget about it, so the following is to ba taken with a grain of salt. (As if I'm not already the entire "Salt treasury estate" (literal translation of an actual region in my country) about this entire thing LOL)

[Long af rant incoming, prepare for impact]

The fic uses the title of a popular song of the most famous Austrian musician of modern times and then doesn't even mention him or have this song be a plot point. Or even have it being played ON THE RADIO or at the PARTY/EVENT where the two characters met again. (Maybe I was miffed especially because I was intensely preoccupying myself with him during that time, but still, it felt disrespectful af)

The characterisations were just utterly atrocious in the first place, and all the time I was just like "who tf ARE these people?" and "couldn't you just have written a shitty OC instead of bashing a character other people love?" and "the way you have written that character, that they would do this right now doesn't even make any sense AT ALL"

The biggest beef I had with that thing was, indeed, the fucking "Coffeehouseculture", or rather, the blatant misrepresentation of it.

Yes, the forever grumpy Viennese person, and the even grumpier headwaiter is a bit of a memetic mutation of sorts, and while TECHNICALLY still true, this only applies to the first one, not the second. UNLESS you set the fic in anywhere between ~18?? and ~1990-2000. This fic was NOT set in this timeframe.

The rude headwaiter of a coffeehouse is generally one of the bigger inside-jokes of the city, along with the general penchant for a drink (if not flat-out alcoholism) and making jokes about dying.

The thing is this: while we have A LOT of international students and people from all over the world coming here for work and life, absolutely no foreigner would act this way. And the character who got the role of the rude headwaiter, WAS a foreigner, if not outright stated (no srsly, I forgot because I mostly also only skim-read it using CTRL+F), then at least by Viennese terms of this character being termed Irish in most Modern AUs.

Bruh, I don't say this with pride, but we manage to be xenophobic to people who live (and were BORN) in the same country as us. Even between different villages in the SAME federal state, not to speak of different federal states, there's sometimes disgustingly derisive and mean jokes. Sure, it's not as if there'd be actual hate-criming around, but still, is that really necessary? At least it starts to get less and less of a thing, so there's hope to be had.

Back to the actual coffeehoseculture, there IS this: you can chill out there the entire day and read the newspapers that are laid out, coffee is able to be had in about 20+ different versions (we did it before Starbucks was even FOUNDED, fuck you), and the cakes and pastries are displayed in a counter for you to chose from, and there's usually a special cake that is specific to this particular one (usually the oldest and most famous ones have this). You can also eat regular meals and get alcoholic drinks too, though that's usually just wine and sparkling wine.

Sure, if you are rude to the wait staff, they will take absolutely no shit from you, even if modern service standards have reached us too, we are not dependant on tips, so go Karen somewhere else. If you are just an arrogant American, bruh, we might be taking your money with a smile (as we do with all tourists, since this city does live off of it), but we will be making fun of you until the dawn of the next day, at which point we will have forgotten about you anyway. (And prayed that you will never return or at least learned some manners if the brain is too unaffordable)

The main thing someone who was born in Vienna and truly immersed in the Austrian, and specifically the Viennese language (these two things sadly don't manifest automatically, which is a shame) might make fun of, is the way that the Germans pronounce the word "Kaffee". The Germans put the stress on the first syllable, where the Austrians do it on the second one. (This also applies to a lot of other words too, actually) The Germans also ORDER coffee differently from what is common here, and given how Germans are the biggest (albeit rather invisible) group of foreigners, this is of course the most common point of "conflict". I don't actually think that anyone really takes this badly in any way tho. (It's actually just gentle jokes about foreigners (especially those that come here for the first time) being confused about the practically CODENAMES we give our coffee variations)

-*-*-*-

Well, this rant certainly got all over the place, and yeah, I guess what made the least sense for me was the portrayals of the characters in that fic anyway, so I just closed it and forgot about it, because why should I waste my precious time and brain capacity with thinking about a shitty fic? Only because it was set in the city I'm a part of? Nah, not making that mistake again after that one Manga that started to be set here, but then went to be Japan-focused, because why wouldn't it? (Well, no wonder I put that one back onto the store's shelf and bought something else LOL)

--

Yessssss. Feeeeed meeeee.

Oh man. I'm not above titles that are a reference to something, but I hate it when it seems like there's literally no point to the title. Even if the song doesn't appear, there should be some kind of meta level of commentary going on.

I once titled a fic: "Nobody But Uncle Ben" or "Even Bad Women Love Their Mommas": A Non-Tragedy in a Whole Bunch of Acts

Admittedly, it probably means fuckall to readers, and neither quote is referenced in the text. But if one knows what the title is referring to, I think it would be possible to guess why I picked that.

In the 90s, there used to be a saying: "Nobody stays dead in comics except for Jason Todd, Bucky Barnes, and Uncle Ben."

...

Anyway, like most of my work, that fic has a bunch of fake death and while I never wrote the sequel that made the worldbuilding actually make sense, it involves a character from the movieverse trying to avert the shitty future from the comicsverse where 2/3 of the ship in that fic die.

The second part is an adaptation of a quote from 3:10 to Yuma and is a commentary on how I see one of the characters, not just in the sense that she has familial feelings but in the sense that the scene the quote is from has the charismatic villain revealing that one of the lawmen is a genocidal, self-righteous hypocrite. Then the villain murders him for insulting his mother, showing that the lawman is also an idiot who never understood the villain at all.

Uh, but I digress. Anyway, they could at least have meant something with that song title other than "This is something that comes from there". Also, that song is great and how dare they. LOL. (I mean, I know you're trying to make this fic hard to track down, but it's not exactly hard to guess. Haha.)

I think a lot of tropey fic about places the writer doesn't know well seems to fall back on stereotypes from decades ago with no clue how things might have changed either just because time marches on or because the whole world has changed radically with the rise of the internet and whatnot.