#ticklish!peter spankoffski

[bow-of-aros]

Day Seven: Fidget

Summary: Ted is just trying to have a nice, relaxing afternoon. It would really help if Peter could stop with all the fucking twitching.

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Hey guys! To make up for yesterday's half-awake fic, I present you with the Spankoffski brothers! This got really wholesome and honestly I'm super happy with it. They're so much fun to write and I hope that y'all enjoy <33

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“Dude stop fucking twitching you’re scaring the hoes.”

The look of complete and utter disbelief that Peter shot his older brother would’ve been pretty damn funny if Ted wasn’t about five seconds away from actually ripping his ears clean off his face.

“First of all, there aren’t any fucking hoes here outside of you, Ted. We’re at home. Second of all, I’m not twitching, I’m fidgeting. And yes—” The kid cuts Ted a scathing look and he snaps his jaw shut with a smirk, “There’s a difference.”

Ted just shrugs and leans back into the couch, “I don’t give a shit. Twitching, fidgeting, it’s all equally a pain in the ass. Can’t you like sit on your hands on something?”

Click click click.

The rhythmic sound of Peter’s fingers snapping together severely undermined his,

“I don’t need to sit on my hands, asshole! I just have some nervous energy that I’m getting out. There’s nothing to fucking do in your shithole apartment.”

He then very pointedly Ted’s patented Are you fucking kidding me look, one that’s been passed down through generations of Spankoffski’s and perfected after years of practice.

Oh, he is not going to let that one stand.

“Don’t forget that this is our shithole apartment now! I didn’t hear you complaining about it when you showed up in the pouring fucking rain asking to move in.”

“So what? You gonna kick me out?”

“And what? Send you back to our bigoted-ass parents and your frilly fucking princess room? Fuck no. You’re stuck with me and this shithole apartment, the least you could do is show it some respect.”

Ted reaches for the remote and turns up the volume on whatever brain cell-killing show they’ve had playing in the background for the past however long. It’s his turn to ignore the look his brother gives him, although this one is more vaguely confused than outright menacing.

The silence drags out a little longer, and Ted almost jolts when Peter speaks up,

“Thank you apartment for not having a speck of pink on your walls and smelling perpetually like rotten food. I appreciate you.”

Oh, that fucking dweeb.

Apparently, Peter’s not done, “Thank you for your thermostat that only works half the time and for the fact that the only annoying voice I hear is my brother’s, which mostly doesn’t make me want to throw myself out the nearest window like my parents did.”

Ted has developed a keen sense of when serious emotions might be coming into play. Mostly it’s so he can get the fuck out of dodge, fast.

This is straying a little too close to that.

“Alright alright. You can shut the fuck up now, Petey. I get it!”

“Petey?”

Oh goddammit.

He’s about to take it back, throw out some half-hearted insult that will distract both of them for long enough that Ted can make his escape.

But then, he glances over at his little brother who almost looks like he has stars in his eyes he’s so fucking happy. Ted’s not sure he remembers the last time he really smiled like that, and like hell he was going to do anything to fuck it up.

“It’s your name, isn’t it? And what part of shut the fuck up didn’t register in your little genius brain, huh?”

There, that’s a good balance of minimally heartfelt and asshole older brother.

Click click click.

“Oh, come on!” Ted throws his head back as Peter tucks his hands sheepishly under his legs, “Again with the snapping?”

“I can’t help it!” Peter snaps back defensively, “I have—”

“Nervous energy. Yeah. I know.”

And then it was like a lightbulb flickered on above Ted’s head.

“You know. I can be pretty good at getting rid of nervous energy.”

He tries to tone down the grin that’s creeping across his face. Ted knows it’s there, not because he’s consciously smiling, but because Peter is growing more concerned by the second and he doesn’t want to scare the kid off just yet.

“Ted, I swear to fucking God if this is one of your gross sex things I will—”

“It is not a gross sex thing! Jeez kid, get your mind out of the gutter.”

Peter snorts and rolls his eyes, but settles back down which is exactly what Ted needs right now.

Neither of them says anything for a few seconds, and Ted is in the middle of wondering how high Peter’s eyebrows can rise before they start floating above his forehead when he finally caves,

“Fine! How do you get rid of nervous energy?”

He’s pretty sure that he can hear a muttered dipshit after that last bit, but he’s gonna let it slide in order to get down to business.

“I thought you’d never ask! Now, try not to scream.”

“Wha—TED! GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!”

This fucking kid, “What did I say about not screaming? Now, hold still!”

Alright, where was that one spot again?

“TEHEHEHED! Nononono shit! Plehehehehease I cahahahan’t!”

Bingo!

“Hey, don’t get down on yourself like that!” Ted leans forward, shit-eating grin front and center on his face as he puts all of his focus into tickling all the nervous energy out of little Petey, “You totally can! Just check this out!”

And, before Peter can stop him, Ted manages to worm his hands under his arms and drill into the sensitive muscle there.

“You motherfuhuhuhuhuhuhucker! Get out of thehehehehere please!”

Looking down, Peter’s face is growing redder by the moment, and is sporting a grin that puts the damn sun to shame. Ted’s enough of a man to admit that the sight of his brother looking so happy melts his heart just a little bit.

That doesn’t mean he’s not gonna be a dick about it.

“Oh, what? Here? Get out of right here?” Ted does lighten his touch a bit when he sees a few tears leak out. He’s not a complete monster!

The panicked giggles that are now leaking out are almost adorable.

So is the begging.

“Yes! Plehehehease Ted! Come ohohohohon!”

“Do you have any more nervous energy?”

“Nohohoho!”

“Are you sure? Because I really don’t mind helping you out. Get you less fidgety and all that.”

“I’m sure! I’m suhuhuhure! Teddy please!”

And, well, how can he say no to that?

Ted leverages himself off of Peter, dragging the kid up with him so they’re leaning against each other as they settle back into relatively seated positions.

They don’t say anything, just watch the show that keeps droning on, but eventually, Ted feels Peter’s head drop onto his shoulder. He shifts a bit to make sure they’re both comfortable before wrapping an arm around his brother’s shoulders.

Just as he thinks Peter’s fallen asleep, he hears a whispered, “Love you, Teddy.”

Fuck. He really would do anything for this kid.

“Love you too, Petey.” Ted rests his cheek atop Peter’s head.

“Even if you do kind of need a shower.”

[amazingmsme]

That Was Funny. Laugh

AN: I haven’t forgotten about the rest of tickletober, don’t you worry! Here’s day 24 with Max & the nerds! I feel like he would probably try too hard to fit in with them, & it doesn’t exactly always work. But that’s ok, he’ll make it work! Think we all could use a bit of fluff right now…

Things were starting to look up. They were hesitant to say that the prank worked, but at least Max had stopped bullying them, and that was their main goal, so Pete marked it as a success.

The rest of the jocks started to change their tune, following Max's lead, and it had been weeks since he had a swirly or was shoved inside a locker. Pete and Steph were going steady, and the school play was really starting to come together. The Jagerman himself even invited them to the big game to watch him "stomp Clivesdale into the fucking mud." And what do you know, he did!

So things were honestly pretty great. There was just one little problem...

"Sup nerds!"

They all groaned in unison as he announced his presence from behind. He caught up rather quickly, slinging his arms around Peter and Richie's shoulders, the latter flinching at the contact.

"Oh, h-hey Max," he stuttered, trying to play it cool. Max didn't seem to notice, or he just didn't care. "What's up?"

"Oh nothin' much, practice got canceled 'cause of the rain so I gotta fuckin' walk home. Can you believe it?" he complained. Steph couldn't hide her smirk as she answered.

"Yeah I can, actually."

"Shut it, Lauter," he snapped, but it lacked the usual venom his words carried. "You never have to walk anywhere."

"Actually," she corrected, "I'm walking right now." Peter, Ruth, and Richie all snapped their heads to look at her, silently begging her not to say another word.

"Oh yeah? Where the hell are you nerds going? The fuckin' library?" he wheezed out a laugh, slapping a hand on his knee in amusement, although his laughter trailed off when he realized no one was laughing with him.

Steph merely arched a brow and crossed her arms. "No smartass, we're going to Pizza Pete's to win that ugly little doll Ruth's been wanting." Pleading stares turned to annoyed glances as she spilt the beans. The very act of telling Max where they were going was practically an invitation in his eyes.

"Really? Didn't know Spankoffski had his own pizza shop," he quipped, a smirk stretching across his face. That one was good, he had to admit.

And they still didn't fuckin' laugh! Are they brain dead or something?

"Ha ha, like I never heard that one before," Peter rolled his eyes, an annoyed smile tugging at his lips. At least Max was trying.

"Well if you need tickets to win the ugly fucker, I'm great at skee ball," he offered.

"Don't call him that! He's so fuzzy and cute, you guys are just mean!" Ruth whined, clutching her chest dramatically.

"Ruth, radioactive Cthulhu is not cute, he's just creepy," Richie deadpanned. Ruth stuck her tongue out as he returned the gesture.

"Come on you two, those tickets aren't gonna win themselves," Peter prompted, and they began walking down the sidewalk, dumb jock in tow. They all resigned to their fate of backhanded compliments and obscure sports references for the next two hours. Still, it was better than the way things used to be.

Not ideal, but surprisingly tolerable.

At least when he wasn't trying so damn hard. He would go out of his way to be what he considered kind, but was really the bare minimum at best. And Peter wasn’t exactly sure why he thought he needed to be funny for them to like him. Honestly, it was getting old.

Peter, Richie and Max stood off to the side as Ruth and Steph fed their tickets into the ticket counter. A waiter passed by carrying a pizza, and Max nudged them to get their attention, pointing at the restaurant’s signature dish.

“You see that?”

Peter and Richie exchanged confused looks and shrugged. “I guess…”

Max sported a proud, shit-eating grin. “I’d tell you a joke about pizza, but it’d probably be too cheesy,” he punctuated the joke with a deep laugh of his own as they just stared at him.

“I’m lactose intolerant, what the fuck are you talking about?” Richie deadpanned, clearly not getting the joke. Max rolled his eyes dramatically.

“It’s called a joke, dumbass! And it was funny, so you better laugh!” He took a step closer when Richie didn’t immediately comply. “Laugh,” he demanded, deciding to ditch the jokes all together and go for a more “hands on” approach.

“Mahahax! Whahat thehehe hehell?” he asked, thrashing from side to side as he managed to escape Max’s evil clutches.

“Ha! I knew you’d be ticklish! What about you Soanioffski?” he questioned, catching him off guard.

“Wha- me? Max, wahahait!” he cried out as Max targeted him as well. He scribbled up and down Richie’s side while his other hand prodded at Peter’s ribs. Richie flailed around uselessly, shrill giggles filling the air. Peter slapped at his hand, but Max wasn’t deterred in the slightest.

“How come you nerds never told me how ticklish you were? Think of all the fun we could’ve had!” he cheered, shoving his hands underneath both of their arms, eliciting two different giggly shrieks.

“Thahahat’s exahactly why wehe nehehever tohohold you!” Peter whined.

“We gotta make up for lost time then, don’t we? Don’t worry, I can hustle.” They started protesting, shaking their heads and tripping over their words as he wiggled his fingers closer and closer.

He was just about to really strike when Steph came to their rescue.

“Hey, I think we have enough tickets,” she called for their attention, a fond smirk firmly in place.

Max pulled them closer, ruffling their hair as he did so. “Don’t worry, we’ll pick that up again later.”

Y’know… call him crazy, but Peter wasn’t exactly dreading it.

[adhdbisexualramblings]

~TGWDLM Headcanons~ (mostly Paulted)

-Paul’s the most ticklish thing on Earth, right next to Charlotte. Ted brushed against him once and they got into a life-or-death tickle war until Mr. Davidson told them to stop. That’s how they became semi-friends

-Alice is lesbian, Deb is bisexual

-Paul is bi

-Ted is pansexual

-Bill really likes theme parks. Like, a lot

-Ted’s little brother Peter (HCB) is thinking of going into the coffee selling business, which is why Paul sees him at Beanies all the time

-Ted is very fussy about his brother’s health, low blood sugar and all, and has sometimes taken a day off just for him

-Emma’s parents are the f*cking worst

-The nickname “Latte Hotte“ comes from a feverish rambling from Ted after Paul was forced to take care of him. It sort of became their inside joke

-Ted’s never actually gone to Beanies. He just likes to bother Paul about it

-The entirety of Black Friday and Nightmare Time is just Wiggly, Tinky, Blinky, Pokey, Nibbly, and Webby in a very serious sibling rivalry. They all want to out-show each other

-Charlotte sneezes like a kitten. Ted teases her about occasionally, while also giving her a jacket

-Everyone needs therapy

-Ted is polygamous

-Paul’s laugh is the purest sound

-Ted’s laugh is a wheezy, snorting sound. He doesn’t like it. Charlotte and Paul are the only ones to have heard it

-Ted barely eats, and survives on the snacks from the vending machines

-Despite Alice’s fear that Deb is going to break up with her, Deb loves her wholeheartedly

-Bill is bisexual

-The Spankoffskis and the Fosters (and perhaps the Hidgens’) are related to each other

-Hidgens’ nephew is named Oliver

-Hidgens has gotten into multiple arguments with Alexa over his “cheating” with Siri

-She always stays quiet afterwards, mostly because he always says some complicated answer and confuses her

-Ted is practically in love with The Office

-Workin’ Boys polyamory

-Hidgens mostly goes to Beanies to check up on Emma and see how she’s doing

-They have a father-daughter relationship

-Ted calls Paul “Paulsy” or, if he’s feeling extra flirty, “Paulkins”

[bow-of-aros]

Day Twenty-Seven: Non-Human Parts

Summary:

Peter's been neglecting taking care of himself in order to get some schoolwork done and now he has to face the consequences of his actions in Ted's worried mother henning.

Hey folks! I don't care if wingfics are considered cringe (I also don't know if they are) I WROTE ONE ANYWAY! Hope that y'all enjoy my silly little Spankoffski bros because I love them so much <33

Peter was just about ready to throw himself out his bedroom window. He hadn’t preened his wings in weeks because he was busy with schoolwork and upcoming exams in shit. Obviously he knew that it was bad, he’d grown up being told to keep his wings nice and clean and normally he did.

Except he hadn’t been, so Peter had woken up this morning an awful combination of itchy and sore. Normally he would be able to get this sorted on his own, but he also hadn’t been letting them breathe, so he couldn’t quite get at where they’d cramped up on his back.

It sucked.

Peter was right in the middle of trying to yank his fingers through a stubborn tangle of feathers when he was interrupted.

“Hey Petey, I was gonna go to the store do you need—” Ted cut himself off as he took in the scene, “What the actual fuck is that?!”

Ted stood in his doorway wearing his best dad glare which was funny because Ted was not his dad. To be fair, Ted had practically raised him and had constantly been on his ass about proper hygiene.

And Peter had just been caught red-handed completely ignoring everything he’s been told.

“What does it look like? I’m preening and shit.” Ted’s eyebrows shot up and Peter winced internally. He’d basically guaranteed himself a lecture.

“Peter Spankoffski that is not preening!” Ted raked a hand through his hair before gesturing at the litany of feathers scattered across the floor, “If you keep going like this you’re gonna get bald patches dumbass! How long has it even been since you’ve done this?”

The longer Peter didn’t answer, the more unimpressed Ted looked. When it became clear that the answer was too long Ted just sighed and said, “Get your ass on the couch, I’ll be there in a minute.”

He didn’t even give Peter the chance to respond as he turned on his heel and marched down the hall muttering about dumbass little brothers.

Peter briefly considered ignoring Ted and going back to what he was doing, but that idea was quickly discarded when he realized that Ted would just come back up and physically drag him downstairs.

Looks like he’s getting his ass on the couch.

Ted’s grabbing a couple of things when Peter gets downstairs, face a mask of annoyance that the slight puffing of his wings betrays. He immediately feels a little guilty knowing that he’s worried his brother and decides to let Ted do his whole mother hen routine with minimal complaining.

Peter can’t help examining Ted’s wings as he waits, even though he knows exactly what they look like: A tan brown with warm yellow and white undertones. They’re nearly identical to Peter’s own.

He won’t lie and say that he’s not happy that he got the same wings as his brother. It’s definitely not uncommon for family members to develop similar patterns, but Peter likes the extra connection between them.

When they were younger, it had been Ted that helped him learn to preen. He’d shown Peter how to use his oil glands to keep everything moisturized and how to properly set his feathers straight. The whole time was spent alternating between silly games to keep him occupied and trying to drill into him how important it was to keep this up.

They were some of Peter’s fondest memories of him and his brother.

“Alright kid,” Ted’s voice cut through his thoughts, “You know the drill. Lie down and don’t move.”

If he’s surprised when Peter immediately complies, he doesn’t say anything. Peter feels the couch dip under him as Ted hovers over him and gets to work.

Ted works in silence for a little bit, the way he only does when he’s really focused on something. He combs the broken barbs and various shit from where they’ve tangled into his feathers.

That part goes relatively well, the only change being Peter gradually relaxing into the couch as his brother takes care of him just like when he was a little kid.

Then, Ted does his best to very gently remove the broken feathers from his wings and—

“Ah! Shit dude!”

Ted immediately withdrew his hands with a, “Sorry, kid. You doing alright down there?”

The pain has already faded to a muted sting, and Peter knows that this is a necessary part of the process even if he doesn’t like it.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Then, quieter, “You can keep going.”

He heard a snort above him as Ted got back to it, “You know, if I didn’t know you and how you disregard your actual physical health when school shit gets in the way, I’d say that you did this on purpose.”

“Don’t worry. This was 100% pure Spankoffski dumbassery.”

They go back and forth like that for a while, Ted occasionally pausing to work the oil through his wings and ease the kinks that Peter had left alone for too long.

While doing this, Ted brushed a little too close to the underside of Peter’s wings and Peter couldn’t help the small yelp that slipped out as he flinched away.

He could hear the smirk in his brother’s voice when he said, “I told you to hold still, Petey.” Another brush, another half-laugh, “Seriously! If you keep moving I’m going to have to start all over.”

“What?!” Peter shrieked as Ted moved properly to the softer feathers on the underside of his wings, “Wahahahait Ted! Nononono fuhuhuck!”

He struggled to stay still, the threat still looming over him, but Ted was not making this easy on him.

“You’re dohohoing this on puhuhuhurpose! Tehehehed!”

Ted just laughed at him, “Look kid! I wouldn’t be doing this if you had just taken care of yourself in the first place.”

He squeezed along the bone under the guise of working out more kinks, only succeding in drawing out cackling laughter as Peter began to lose the battle against his urge to thrash around.

“TEHEHEHED! Come ohohohohon!” He flailed wildly, trying to smack Ted’s hands away with some very uncoordinated attacks.

Peter breathed a sigh of relief as Ted withdrew his hands, patting his still laughing brother on the head as he caught his breath.

“You,” Peter said in between fits of lingering giggles, “Are evil!”

When he craned his neck to look up at Ted, Ted was smiling at him. And not the shit-eating I got you sort of grin either. It looked like the smile Peter could feel resting on his face, one that said You’re my brother and I love you and I love messing around with you.

When Ted caught Peter’s eye he just scoffed, trying to cover it up, “Yeah yeah, maybe try taking care of yourself next time. Because,” Ah. There was the shit-eating grin, “You moved around too much and fucked up my work, so I have to go through it all again.”

“Wait! Wahahait Ted! Nohohohoho!”

Yeah, Peter was definitely going to remember to take care of himself next time.

[bow-of-aros]

Day Thirty: Trick or Treat

Summary:

Look, in Ted's defense, Peter did say TRICK or treat. It's not his fault that the kid didn't specify which one.

Second to last day is completed! I think this one is really cute and I love the dynamic of all of them here. Ted went from "Oh god they're all nerds" to "Holy shit am I adopting MORE teenagers?!" and I am here for it. The Peter and Ted relationship is part of me as a person now so I hope that y'all enjoy!! <33

Ted was down to his last three candies to give to this year’s trick or treaters and he was eager to get rid of them. He’d contemplated just turning off his lights and keeping them for himself, but that had just seemed wrong somehow.

Pete and his dork-ass friends and slightly less dork-ass girlfriend were out actually doing the trick-or-treating, dressed up as the Scooby gang, even though they were all seventeen or eighteen years old.

He’d sent them off with an amused, if slightly condescending, smile, to which Richie of all people had responded with, “Just because you were deprived of simple childhood joys after you were deemed too old to be happy doesn’t mean that we have to do the same.”

Yeah, it had surprised him too.

Either way, he’d sent them off after making them promise to be safe, earning an eyeroll from his little brother and an enthusiastic “We will!” from the rest of them which was good enough for Ted.

Just as he was finishing off the second of the two beers he’d allotted himself for the night—What? It’s Halloween!—the doorbell rang.

Fucking finally. Ted paused whatever cheesy horror flick he’d thrown on and made his way to the front door, deciding that even if it was just one kid they could have the rest of the candy.

And he opened the door to Shaggy, Velma, Daphne, and Fred.

“TRICK OR TREAT!” Peter and his friends shouted gleefully at him, holding out full buckets after an apparently very fruitful night.

Ted looked down at his bowl, three candies, four kids.

He could definitely work with this.

He tossed one bar at Steph, “Coffee crisp for you,” then Ruth, “KitKat for you,” Richie, “Mars bar for you which makes you correct because it’s the best,” and finally, he turns to Peter.

The kid looks at him expectantly, “What do I get?”

Ted gestures with the bowl, “Come and see.”

Peter takes a step, crosses through the doorway, gets close enough to peer into the bowl, “There’s nothing in—HEY!”

The second that he got close enough, Ted tossed aside the bowl and wrapped Peter in a massive bear hug, dragging him back so the rest of the kids can enter and watch the show.

“Ted?! What the fuck are you doing?”

His struggles are half-hearted, Peter trusts him enough to not do anything too bad and his nerdy ass is probably curious about where he’s going with this.

Ted grins up at the kid—Up? When the hell had that happened?!—and says, “Well, I’ve run out of treats, so you get the trick! Happy Halloween, Petey!”

And with that, Ted digs his fingers into Pete’s sides, laughing at the shriek he let out before half-sagging against him with the force of his cackles.

“WAIT! Tehehehehed I cahahan’t!” In response, Ted mercifully changed spots and clawed up to his ribs and holy shit the kid had a pair of pipes on him. Thank fuck it’s Halloween or that scream might’ve had people calling the cops on him.

While Pete babbled out please and claims that he was dying! Ted please!, his friends had seemingly no qualms about cheering on his demise from the sidelines.

Steph was just smiling sappily because she and Peter were disgustingly in love, but Ruth and Richie were really having a go at it.

“And he moves to the ribs! A bold move going for the kill this early but it looks like it’s really paying off!” Ruth was holding her KitKat up to her mouth like it was a microphone and she was commentating on a big game.

Richie takes his cue to join in, “Oh, what’s this? It would seem as though Peter’s knees are buckling! What a shame that he’s giving in so soon.”

Peter, through his laughter, still managed to flip off his friends as they were speaking, which of course did the exact opposite of discouraging them.

“What a poor display of sportsmanship! Something like that should be penalized!” Ted was paying enough attention to realize that the last part was directed at him, and who was he to deny these kids the show they so clearly wanted.

Ted made sure that Peter was secure, and also listened to his breathing to make sure that he wasn’t dying, and moved a hand up to scratch behind his ear. And, as he’d expected, the resulting snorts mingled in with frantic giggles brought on a new wave of cheers.

“Yeah! Get him Mr. Spankoffski!”

Ted managed to point a threatening finger at Richie, “I swear to God, kid. If you call me that one more time, you’re next! It’s Ted.”

It was quiet, but he still managed to make out his panicked, “Yes, Ted! Sorry Ted!”

Perfect, looks like his older brother fear factor is still in full swing. Just what he likes to see.

“Tehehehehed! Please lehehehet me gohohoho! I’m sohohohorry!”

Oh shit, he’d almost forgotten about Peter.

He’ll let him off the hook in just a second.

“What are you sorry for?” He shot a wink at the kids who were snickering to each other. Apparently they’ve all figured out that if you keep at it for long enough, Peter will start apologizing for shit that never even happened. IT’s pretty damn funny.

Peter, now curled up enough to have to look up at him, does so with his sad little Bambi eyes and says, “I don’t knohohohohow! Plehehehehease Teddy!”

And, well, how could he say no to that?

Ted sets the kid free and practically tosses him over to his friends who reliably catch him. Steph intertwines her fingers with his while Ruth and Richie practically hang off of him while he huffs out lingering giggles.

He can’t help but smile at them, it’s really nice to see that Peter has this tight-knit group that really cares about him. Ted knows that his high school years would’ve been much improved if he’d had something like that, so he’s happy that his little brother is having a better go at it than he did.

“You are mean!” Peter glares at him, but there’s no heat in those still crinkled eyes, so Ted just laughs while he wanders into the kitchen.

“Yeah, well you said trick or treat!” He grabs the pack of Red Vines he’d picked up specifically for Peter because they were his favourite even though they were disgusting. “You can’t blame me for picking the more fun option!”

Ted walks back into the living room and tosses the candy at Peter, watching as he almost drops it three separate times before getting a good grip on it.

“Now, I’m fucking exhausted. You kids try not to stay up too late, and if you’re loud enough to somehow wake me up,” He looked hard at each one of them, “You will face the consequences.”

He didn’t even get two steps before Peter threw himself at Ted and wrapped him up in a hug of his own. It took about two seconds for the rest of the kids to follow suit and Ted ended up in the middle of a confusingly nice group hug.

“Uh, kid? You alright? Did I break you or something?”

A laugh came from somewhere in the group and Peter said, “I’m fine Ted. Just wanted to say thanks for the candy.”

They unwound themselves from around him, but not before a volley of pinches and pokes had him yelping and batting away mischievous hands.

“Love you Teddy!”

“Yeah! Thanks, Ted!”

“Thank you!”

“Thanks, Mr. Spankoff—Ted!” A sharp glance had Richie quickly correcting himself, “Thanks Ted!”

He grumbled and waved his hands at them as he climbed the stairs, listening to their excited chatter and the unwrapping of various candy. As soon as he was out of sight though, Ted let a fond grin spread across his face.

They could hang around as much as they needed, he decided.

They were good kids.

[bow-of-aros]

Day Twenty: Tease

Summary: Ted and Steph bonding time!

And Peter is the unfortunate victim.

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Hey folks! The Hatchetfield brainrot is real and I hope that nobody's getting sick of these fics yet. The Spankoffski bros own my entire heart at the moment and I need to write about them all the time. Enjoy!! <33

-

“Ugh, this is so boring! I honestly don’t understand how you can enjoy this shit, Pete.”

Peter looked up from his homework that he had positioned around himself on his bed to Steph who had claimed his desk when she’d walked in. He’d been working through the practice questions they’d been given for the math test later this week while Steph was writing an essay for her English class.

Peter tapped his pencil against his worksheets as he said, “It’s really not that bad! You just gotta get into a groove and then it’s done before you know it.”

Steph shoots him a flat look that Peter returns with a grin.

A grin that promptly drops when Steph says, “We should take a break, reset our brains, and start again with fresh eyes.”

Peter let that sentence hang in the air for a moment as he brought a hand up to pinch at the bridge of his nose.

“Steph,” He sighs, “We’ve already taken three breaks. We started two hours ago. Our last break literally ended ten minutes ago. Are you sure that you can’t try to work for a little bit longer?”

His only answer was a long, drawn-out groan and Peter turned back to his work, considering the matter closed.

It was very much not closed when two hands dug into his sides, drawing out a high-pitched shriek that Peter would deny to his dying day that he made.

“Wait! Steheheheph nononono! Why?!”

Peter attempted to curl up while not disrupting the papers scattered around him, reaching behind him in a desperate attempt to push her hands away.

All she does is move further out of his reach and up his ribs and say, “I just wanna take a break, Pete! You’re always wound up so tight, you really need to relax a bit.”

As Steph moves up, Peter’s laughter grows louder, “We just toohohohohok a break! We need to stUDY— Steheheheheph!”

Her fingers find the spot between his shoulder blades and he starts thrashing, mindless of the mess he’s making of his bed and the schoolwork that used to be on it.

“I dunno, Pete. I think we should—”

“Can you two shut the fuck up?” Ted suddenly bursts through the door, flinging it open so it crashes into the doorstop, “I’m trying to—”

Everyone freezes for a moment as Ted takes in the scene.

“Oh.”

Shit. “Ted. Ted, don’t.”

“Ohhhhhhhh.” The classic Spankoffski shit-eating grin starts spreading across his face and Peter is fucked.

Ted makes his way over to the bed where Peter is still trapped underneath Steph and perches himself next to his little brother. Steph is still just sitting there, waiting to see where this leads.

“Hey, Steph. Nice to finally meet you in person. You want some help with that?

Her face lights up, “Hell yeah!”

“Fuck no!” Comes Peter’s simultaneous response, but Ted just shushes him.

“Quiet, Petey. The grown-ups are talking.”

That punches a laugh out of Steph and she says, “Yeah, Petey, I’m trying to learn. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Anything that Peter might have said in response to that was interrupted by Ted getting straight to business.

“Alright. If you wanna make him cry, you gotta go for the knees,” Steph rests her hands on his knees, ignoring Peter’s protests as she listens for further instructions, “It really does matter what you do. The back of his knees, squeezing that spot above the kneecaps, pulling the whole cracking an egg shit are all guaranteed to work like a charm.”

The end of Ted’s sentence was drowned out as Steph latched on and started squeezing, drawing out frantic cackles. The sensation was made worse by how his girlfriend and his brother kept talking to each other like he wasn’t there.

“Awwwwwwww,” Steph coos, lightening her touch to elicit higher-pitched giggles.

Ted rolls his eyes but still says, “Yeah, he’s fucking adorable isn’t he?” Just to hear the embarrassed whine that slips out.

“Nohohohohoho! Guys c’mohohohohon!”

Of course, his pleading does nothing.

“Alright,” Ted just barrels on, thrilled by the opportunity to mess with his kid brother, “Next thing you gotta know is that he snorts if you scratch behind his ears. It’s fucking hilarious!”

Peter’s going to die. He’s going to melt into a puddle of embarrassment and then evaporate into mist because of how much his face is burning.

He doesn’t get much more time to wallow when he feels evil nails find the spot Ted had been talking about. Hands slap up to cover his mouth after the first snort escapes.

“Oh, absolutely not, kid. You can’t hide this shit from your girlfriend!” Ted pulls his hands away to a litany of curses being hurled at him, “Aw, isn’t he just precious?”

It’s a little sarcastic, but Peter can hear the undercurrent of genuine fondness in his brother’s voice.

“Pete,” Steph leans down to look him in the eye, not bothering to still her hands to his dismay, “You might be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

Her tone is serious but her eyes are sparkling with pure, unfiltered glee.

Peter had been nervous that Steph wouldn’t like Ted, or that Ted would be weird about Steph, but seeing them get along flooded him with a sense of relief.

Even if it was at his expense.

“Okay, Steph. Class is dismissed because I gotta go grab some dinner, but feel free to come back if you ever wanna learn some more.”

Steph offered him a salute, finally giving Peter a chance to breathe as Ted offered them both a smile.

Peter watched as Ted sauntered over to the door, shooting him a wink and a thumbs up before disappearing around the corner, leaving him and Steph alone again.

Steph rubbed a hand on Peter’s back, making sure that it was firm enough not to tickle and looking pretty pleased with herself when he relaxed into the touch.

“Soooooooo,” She said after a few seconds, “Wanna take a break?”

Peter huffed out a laugh. He shouldn’t let her get her way, it set a bad precedent for the future.

But, he was tired, and the bed was really comfortable right now.

“Fine. But!” He cut Steph off as she started to cheer, “Only if we take a really quick nap and then get right back to studying!”

“Deal!” Steph was already manhandling him down into her optimal nap position. She liked being the big spoon and, honestly, Peter did not mind one bit.

About twenty minutes later, Ted called up to let them know that food was there. When he didn’t get a response, he poked his head into his little brother’s room and immediately softened at what he saw.

Peter and Steph were curled around each other, asleep and breathing softly in the glow of Peter’s desk lamp.

Ted just grinned and eased the door shut, but not before snapping a couple of pictures for his blackmail folder.

He’d leave two plates of food in the oven for them.

[bow-of-aros]

Day Nineteen: Secrets

Summary: Peter has something he needs to tell Ted. Hopefully it doesn't all go to shit.

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Hey folks! I love trans Peter and good sibling Ted and therefore this fic (And a good chunk of some of my other ones) was born! They're just so wholesome and I love them so much. Hope that y'all enjoy <33

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Peter Spankoffski

Hey, do you mind if I come over today? I have something I want to tell you.

Gross Old Man (Ted)

Ofc. You literally have a key

Peter fiddled with his phone, hovering his thumbs over the keyboard as three little bubbles popped up in the corner of his screen.

Gross Old Man (Ted)

Do you need me to come pick you up?

Look, as much as Ted paraded around, essentially bragging about how much of an asshole he was, Peter knew that there were some things that he really, deeply cared about.

Peter’s pretty honoured that he qualifies for that position.

He looks at the door in front of him for a long moment before slotting his key into the lock. It slides open without much fuss and Peter swings the door in and steps inside.

Gross Old Man (Ted)

Did you just teleport to my apartment or do I need to call the cops?

Peter Spankoffski

Don’t worry, it’s me.

Gross Old Man (Ted)

K be down in a sec

Peter was just sitting down on the couch when Ted skidded into the room looking like he’d just woken up. Which, knowing him, he probably had.

“Hey kid, what’s up?”

Ted was wearing his normal I don’t give a shit about anyone or anything face, but there was a twinge in his voice that betrayed how concerned he really was. This immediately sent Peter into a panic because holy shit what if Ted hated him after this?

Time to divert his attention.

“Dude. It’s like, one in the afternoon. Are you seriously just now getting out of bed?”

Ted looked Peter over, taking note of his ramrod-straight posture and the way he was clenching his hands so tight that his knuckles were going white, and decided that he was not letting this one slide.

“Uh, yeah. Because someone randomly showed up at my apartment, then asked if I was here after pulling some secretive we need to talk bullshit. So,” Ted angled himself so that he was facing Peter head-on, “What’s going o—”

“I’M TRANS!”

He didn’t even let Ted finish his sentence before blurting it out and, after about 0.5 seconds of him not saying anything in response, just let everything tumble out.

“I’m not a girl, I’m a boy! And my name’s Peter! And I’ve known this for a while now and yes I’m sure and no it’s not just a phase!”

Ted blinked a few times as Peter’s anxiety kept building, wondering how he was going to react.

Then, he let out a relieved sigh and said, “Oh thank fuck. You really had me going there for a minute, I thought you were about to tell me that you had cancer or something, Petey. But yeah, that’s cool.”

Peter’s brain froze at how casually his name had slipped out of Ted’s mouth. Like it was no trouble at all to not only swap his name out, but use a nickname. Somehow, Ted treating him with the same affection he always did hadn’t been very high up on his list of potential reactions.

“So you’re not gonna like, freak out and make a big deal or anything?”

“What, do you want me to?”

“Mom and Dad did.”

Silence rang out for a moment as something dark crossed Ted’s face.

“You told mom and dad?”

Peter wrung his hands together nervously, “Yeah.”

“And? How did it go?”

“About as well as you’d expect.”

Ted hissed out a breath, leaning back and scrubbing a hand over his face. His gaze slid away from Peter, looking at the wall behind him to maintain his emotionally detached facade.

“That sucks dude. Look, I have an extra room, you can stay as long as you want to. Hell! You can move in as far as I—Shit!”

Peter’s not doing a great job today at letting Ted finish his sentences, but he couldn’t stop himself from launching himself at his older brother in an attack of a hug before he could see the tears that definitely weren’t welling up. Ted immediately wrapped his arms around Peter, pulling him in close and letting him exhale shaky breaths into his ratty shirt for as long as he needed.

They eventually separate, Petter surreptitiously wiping his eyes and Ted, for once, graciously pretending not to notice.

“Thanks, Ted,” Peter offered a wobbly smile, “That really means a lot.”

Ted just scoffed and waved his hand dismissively as though swatting the gratitude out of the air.

Then, apparently, Ted had had enough of all the emotions he’d dealt with so soon after waking up, and a mischievous twinkle found its way into his eye.

“Hold on. I still need to have my big freak out!”

“You really don’t.” Peter tried to reason with him, but his smile just grew and he could tell that it was pointless.

“OH HOLY SHIT! So you’re telling me that I have a FUCKING BROTHER NOW?!” Ted clasped Pater’s shoulders and jostled him around a bit, startling a laugh out of him.

“You’re saying that allllllllllll those times you threw temper tantrums about having to wear a dress—”

“They’re uncomfortable!”

“And used the kitchen scissors to cut your own hair off—”

“That was only like three times! Four if you count the one science experiment I did!”

“And only ever played as the male option in every game you could physically choose a male option—”

“I— Don’t actually have a defense for that one—Hey! Tehehehed cut it ohohohout!”

“Was because you’re a BOY?!” Ted had moved his hands from Peter’s shoulders to his sides, poking and prodding in time with his impassioned rant.

“Also,” He clawed into Peter’s ribs, raising his voice as he shrieked and curled up around his hands, “It’s fucking rude to interrupt people when they’re talking, Petey Pie!”

Peter managed to get a disgusted groan out around his cackles, “Dohohon’t fucking call me thahahahat! And let me gohohohoho!”

“Alright alright, I won’t kill you,” Ted retracted his hands with a final tweak to Peter’s side that had him batting his brother’s hand away through his giggles, “Not this time, at least.”

As Peter recovers from his attack, Ted stands up and dusts himself off before turning back to face him.

“Seriously though. I’m glad you told me, and you don’t have to go back home if you want to. We can wait until the old fucks are out and then go pick up your shit.”

The wave of warmth and affection for his brother that crashed over Peter nearly knocked the breath out of him. It’s not like they hadn’t been close when he was growing up, they’d gotten along well, but Ted was over a decade older and had moved out when he was young.

Still, after the shit he’d gone through with his parents earlier, the genuine and unconditional acceptance was a little overwhelming.

Before he could stop it, he said, “I love you, Ted.”

Ted visibly softened upon hearing that, a genuine smile crossing his face when he said, “I love you too, Pete. Now!” He clapped his hands together, “Let’s get some breakfast because I am starving!”

“It’s fucking lunch, dude! You slept like half the day!”

“Shut the fuck up you aren’t my dad! And also, it’s breakfast for me, so fuck you!”

Yeah, Peter had a feeling that things were going to be just fine.

[bow-of-aros]

Day Eighteen: Tickle Fight

Summary: Peter wants to watch a spider documentary, Ted wants to watch trashy reality television. Now, they battle for the greatest prize of all: The remote.

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NO IT JUST TURNED TWELVE! Pretend that I posted this like three minutes sooner I've been really busy today! Anyway, here's the Spankoffski bros being silly because I love them so much <33

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“Hey Pete! I’m home!”

Ted closed the door behind him, dropping his keys on the table and, when they fell to the floor, decided that that was a problem for future Ted even though he was definitely going to forget and make himself late to work tomorrow.

Oh well.

God, he was fucking exhausted, right now, Ted wanted nothing more than to crash and watch some mind-numbingly stupid reality television.

Faint sounds of some show echoed from the living room and Ted walked in to see Peter sprawled on the couch. He gazed listlessly through half-lidded eyes at the fucking Discovery Channel of all things. Because of course he fucking was.

Then, Ted zeroed in on his prize: The remote.

It was hanging limply from his hand, but before Ted could try to snatch it up, Peter sat up, tucking it between his body and the couch.

“Oh, hey Ted. How was work?”

“Ugh,” Ted groaned, “It fucking sucked.”

He threw himself on the couch, forcing Peter to quickly move his legs out of the way unless he wanted to have them crushed. Ted let his head sag back against the couch, he’d been running around the office all day actually doing shit for a change and he thinks that he might never get up from this couch again.

“Fork over the remote, kid, it’s my turn.” Ted held his hand out expectantly only to let out an exaggerated yelp of pain when Peter swatted it away.

“No way! They’re doing a segment on spiders in a couple of minutes and Steph is like obsessed with them. I want to learn more about them so I can actually understand what she’s saying!”

Did Ted’s heart melt a little bit at the soft smile Peter got when talking about his girlfriend? Sure, he’s not made of fucking stone.

Does that mean that he’s not gonna be an asshole about it? Fuck no.

“Okay. First of all, that’s fucking disgusting. Get your soppy-ass romantic shit out of my house before I vomit.” Peter graced him with the middle finger which Ted shot right back at him. “Second of all, tough shit, kid! It actually is my house, so I get to say when I watch TV!”

Peter dug the remote out of where he’d hidden it, dangling it in front of Ted’s face and snatching it away faster than his brother could grab it.

“Do you have the remote?” Peter looked around for a moment before his eyes, landing on the remote in his hand, widened in mock surprise. “Oh! No you don’t! Guess that means that I’m watching TV right now.”

He smirked, looking particularly proud of himself as Ted seethed. God his kid brother was an asshole, where the fuck did he pick that up?

“Alright shithead, you better hand that remote over right the fuck now or else you’re not gonna like what’s coming to you.”

Oh. Right.

Well, at least he learned from the best.

Peter let out a disbelieving scoff, “Oh yeah? I’d like to see you tRY—TED WAIT!”

The shriek that he let out when Ted launched himself at Peter was like music to his ears. It was always gratifying to teach this little shit a lesson about who was the big brother, and who was the little brother.

And hey, if Ted just enjoyed messing around with Pete because it made him feel a little bit closer to the dork? That could just be his little secret.

“Tehehehehed! Nononono plehehease I cahahahn’t!” One of Ted’s hands was buried in Peter’s ribs, using all of his older brother knowledge to tickle the kid to tears while the other hand grabbed ahold of the remote.

He tugged at it and it barely budged, locked in Peter’s white-knuckled grip.

When the fuck did those little noodle arms actually get some muscle?

“Look kid, all you gotta do is give me the remote and I’ll let you go, doesn’t that sound good?”

As Peter tried to formulate a response, Ted jumped to the spot behind his ear, using the resulting snort and instinctive scrunch of his shoulders to claim his prize.

“Ha! That’ll teach you not to mess with—what the fuck?!”

The last few words escaped Ted in a wheeze as Peter tackled him onto his back. He tried to reach for the remote but Ted was quick to shove it under his back and out of reach.

“You know,” Peter said in between panting breaths, recovering from his attack, “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten you back. Let’s see how you like a taste of your own medicine.”

Then Peter dug his hands into Ted’s ribs, and the world turned upside down because this wasn’t how things worked!

Still, Peter smirked when Ted’s initial shriek faded into loud cackles and said, “Just let me know when you feel ready to give up that remote!”

Ted’s not on the receiving end of this kind of thing too often. His coworkers will jab at his sides when he’s getting on their nerves, and Pete has definitely never managed to get the upper hand in situations like this. Honestly, Ted had kind of forgotten that the kid was old enough, and apparently strong enough, to actually turn the tables on what were normally one-sided attacks.

It’s a little terrifying, he has to admit.

All coherent thought floods out of his head when Peter manages to worm his hands under his arms and all that’s left is, “Wait! Waitwaitwait Pehehehetey! Shihihihihit get out of there you ahahahasshole!”

Against all his better instincts, Ted peeled one of his arms away from their defensive position and shot it out to squeeze at the tendon above Peter’s knee in a desperate bid to gain the upper hand.

The risk paid off and Peter tumbled off of him with a squeal, nervous giggles turning into frantic laughter when Ted latched on and went to town.

“Jeez kid!” Ted shouted, dodging flailing kicks that were a sure-fire concussion waiting to happen, “You gotta get some meat on your bones! Maybe it would help protect you from being the most ticklish fucking dork on the planet.”

Then, out of nowhere, Peter launched his own attack on Ted’s legs, squeezing down his thigh before digging into the same spot his brother had just been targeting.

Ted collapsed. All fight seeps out of his body as shrill cackles pour out of his mouth interspersed by frantic babbling and pleas for mercy.

“Oh, you’re one to fucking talk! How do you survive like this? You’re worse than I am!” Peter laughs delightedly, the sound mingling with whatever garbled mess Ted’s letting out.

Who knew that little Petey was fucking evil?

“Do you yield?” Peter’s deepening his voice in a way that sounds fucking stupid coming out of him, but Ted doesn’t have enough breath to tease him about it.

He’s curled up in a ball at this point, weakly tugging at Peter’s hands as he sputters out, “I yield! I yieheheheld! Now let me gohohohoho!”

Peter decides to have mercy on him and Ted just sags onto the floor for a few moments before hauling himself up with an emphatic groan, rubbing away the residual tingles on his knees.

“God, I’m fucking starved,” Ted reaches down and grabs the keys from off the floor because he didn’t forget and turns back to Peter, “Wanna get some Chinese food?”

Peter grins at him, already slipping on his jacket, “Only if you’re paying.”

“Of course I’m paying! Do you even have a job? Because you should really get one.”

The door closes behind them and they continue bickering as Ted slings an arm around his brother’s shoulder, leaving the remote abandoned on the couch behind them.

[bow-of-aros]

Day Two: Chase

Summary:

Ted made the grave mistake of smiling at his phone, so now Peter needs to know who he was talking to.

Ted is going to KILL him.

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Alrighty so I've become completely obsessed with these two and this prompt screamed loving asshole older brother Ted Spankoffski. UGH I love them they're both so babygirl. Anyways apparently this month is me writing for new fandoms so enjoy!!

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“Get back here you little shit!”

The little shit in question swung around the corner of their shoebox of an apartment faster than Ted could grab him.

Peter shoved himself behind their sorry excuse for a dinner table, Ted’s phone in his hand, a shit-eating grin plastered across his face. The Spankoffski special.

“Oh come on! How old are you? Fucking five?! Get out from there and give me my phone back!” Ted faked a lunge to the left. Peter lurched to the right.

He is going to kill this kid.

His fuck-ass kid brother starts swiping through his phone, glancing up every other second in order to keep an eye on Ted.

“Look. If you’re not going to tell me why you’re looking all gooey-mushy at your phone, I’m just gonna have to figure it out myself!”

Ted can feel his face warm, so in a desperate attempt to hide it, he thinks fuck it, and fucking vaults over the table.

The screech that Peter let out was going to be something that Ted would hold over his head for the rest of his goddamn life. He’s almost proud of the self-preservation instincts on the kid as he basically dives under the table and scrambles to his feet, taking off again.

Except for the fact that he still has his fucking phone!

“Peter! When I catch you you’re fucking dead! Do you hear me?!” There’s no way that he couldn’t, there’s not exactly a lot of space. They’re basically just running in loops at this point.

“Just tell me who you were texting, Ted!” And there’s no chance that that’s happening.

So, the fifth time that Peter manages to dodge Ted’s snatching hands—which shouldn’t be possible because Ted is older and Peter is supposed to be lanky and clumsy. Where the fuck did the kid who tripped when he even looked at a corner go?!—Ted decides to employ a new tactic.

“Alright! Fucking fine I’ll tell you! Just give me my phone back asswipe!”

They’re in the living room. Peter is holding onto his still-unlocked phone with two hands which seems a little excessive, and he’s standing like he’s ready to run away if Ted even twitches in his direction.

“Tell me first, then I’ll give you your phone back.”

They’re both heaving for breath, and Ted is now in a very precarious position. He has to give Peter enough that he’ll let his guard down so he can get his phone back without actually giving anything away. If Pete is anything like himself, which of course he is, he’ll never let Ted live this down.

He relaxes his stance, dragging a hand over his face and letting out a defeated groan. Peter immediately lets his guard down because he’s gullible as shit, which is exactly what Ted knew he was going to do. They’ve played this game so many times and his kid brother still never learns.

Now to set the bait.

“I might have been, maybe, very possibly, totally hypothetically, just a little bit—”

“Oh my God Ted just spit it out!”

Bingo. Peter’s eyes are shining, he’s leaning forward, he probably thinks that he’s finally going to get some dirt on his older brother.

Not today.

“Talking to,” Ted pauses and takes a deep breath, “Your mom.”

And as the confusion flashes across his face, that’s when Ted pounces.

He grabs ahold of Peter’s arms and starts trying to wrestle the phone from him which should not be as difficult as it is. Pete’s hands are in a constant state of sweaty, so Ted should not be having this problem.

“Give me the phone, shithead!”

“We have the same mom you freak!”

Of course that’s what he was focused on.

At this point, Peter’s basically folded himself in half around Ted’s phone and Ted is getting real sick of this shit. He throws all caution to the wind and starts worming one of his hands between Peter’s arm and his stomach, holding the kid to his chest with the other arm.

And then, Peter shrieks.

“Hey, Petey?” Ted can basically hear the evil smirk spreading across his face as he speaks, “Do you feel like giving me my phone back yet?”

And all pride that Ted had felt in Peter’s self-preservation instincts goes flying out the window as he responds with, “You can take your phone, and shove it up your—wait! Tehehehed you ahahass! Don’t!”

Ted’s given up on grabbing his phone, now pouring all his focus into clawing at his baby brother’s stomach until he fucking cries.

“Yeah? That’s how you feel like playing this?” He has to raise his voice to be heard above Peter’s cackles, “Keep holding on. Let’s see which one of us can last longer.”

In a few more seconds, after Ted moves to the hotspot that is Peter’s ribs, it turns out that it’s Ted who can last longer.

Fucking obviously. He’s the big brother!

“Alright! Alright you wihihin! Teddy plehehehease!”

Ted’s gonna go right ahead and pretend that he didn’t melt a little when Peter called him Teddy for the first time in who knows how long. He has an image to maintain!

His phone thuds on the ground and Ted, the gracious guy he is, makes sure that Peter’s not gonna collapse the second he lets go before scooping it up. He promptly turns it off—how the hell is the thing still on?— and slips it in his back pocket.

“Well, kid, you gave it your best shot,” Ted pats Peter on the back, giggles still leaking out of him as he tries and fails to wipe the grin off his face, “I’m almost impressed, but no dice. Better luck next time!”

When he turns to walk away, Peter grabs onto his wrist. Lightly enough that Ted could pull away if he wanted to.

He doesn’t.

“Come on, Teddy. Would you please just tell me why you were literally giggling at your phone?”

Peter’s tone loses his teasing edge as he finishes, “I just wanna know what’s making you so happy.”

And, damn. Ted’s not sure if it’s Pete calling him Teddy, or the lingering smile, or the way those fucking puppy-dog eyes look up at him the same way they used to back when Peter was four and wanted Ted to take him out for ice cream, but he cracks.

Shit, he really is a softie.

“Well, if you must know,” Ted straightens up, dusting imaginary lint off his shoulders, “I was talking to my boyfriend.”

And then he bolts.

“WHAT?! BOYFRIEND?!” Peter’s outraged shout punctuates Ted’s maniacal cackles as the chase begins once more. “THEODORE SPANKOFFSKI YOU GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE I SWEAR TO GOD!”

Ah, how the tables turn. And, to be fair, this isn’t the worst way he could be spending the afternoon.

Maybe Ted should hide behind the dinner table.

[bow-of-aros]

Day Twenty-Eight: Spooked

Summary:

Peter is determined to finally spook the unspookable Stephanie Lauter. It doesn't go quite as well as he hoped.

Hey folks!! I'm actually in love with this fic they're all so fucking CUTE! Need me a friend group like this immediately. Just alksdjajsljkdajksk THEM <33 Anyways hope that y'all enjoy!!

“Boo!”

Steph glanced over her shoulder at Peter, eyebrow raised in amusement at his disappointment when she didn’t so much as blink.

“Hey Pete. What’s up?”

A smirk was playing across her lips as he slumped down next to her with an exaggerated sigh. Still, he leaned forward a bit when she went to wrap an arm around his shoulders and leaned into her in their little booth at Beanie’s with a smile.

“Do you just have no fear?” Peter asked, “Is that what it is? Because I have it on good authority that I am very sneaky based on how Ruth and Richie both scream every time I ‘appear’ beside them.”

“Guess I’m just too tough. Sorry, babe.”

Steph couldn’t help but laugh at Peter’s groan, something that did not distract from the faint blush creeping up his face. Honestly, sometimes Steph thought that her boyfriend was too cute and she’d explode with the strain of not squeezing him until he popped.

Mercifully, she refrained from doing so, settling for tweaking his ribs and melting a bit at the giggly little shriek he let out.

Too fucking cute.

“It’s my new mission,” Peter said, cautiously uncurling from around Steph’s hand after she reassured him that she was done, “In the spirit of Halloween, I will spook Stephanie Lauter if it’s the last thing I ever do!”

The last part was proclaimed with a grave determination that had Steph laughing.

“Yeah, alright Squeak-offski,” She fluttered her fingers against his neck and, yep, there it was, “Whatever you say. But, every time you try and fail, I get to tickle you. Sound fair?”

Peter’s jaw dropped as he started stuttering, “I, uh—”

Steph cut him off gleefully, “Great! I look forward to your next attempt.”

Before Peter could protest, the bell jangled and Richie and Ruth walked in, bickering as usual, and slid in next to them. Peter was soon roped into the argument and the previous conversation was dropped.

But it wasn’t forgotten.

Peter was determined to see his mission through, even with Steph’s threat looming over him should he not succeed. What it really meant was that he just had to make every attempt count to minimize damage.

It didn’t exactly go to plan.

His first attempt, he’d waited two days after their declaration of battle so that Steph would have let her guard down. They were all supposed to get together for a horror marathon at Peter’s place, so he’d asked Ted to let her in and send her to the basement.

Everything had been running smoothly, he’d stayed quiet, the lights had been off, and there had even been some eerie music playing in the background for dramatic effect.

Except, when he’d jumped out at her from behind some streamers, Steph hadn’t even flinched and Peter was cackling under her hands within seconds.

And then Ruth and Richie had decided to show up, and it had all gone downhill for Pete from there.

Since then, he’d made his plans less elaborate, hoping to be lucky enough to just catch her off guard for a seconds, but it had never happened.

Peter’s days had been filled with a lot more laughter lately, and that’s how he got his idea.

Well, it was that and watching Ruth tickle Steph nearly to tears to get her to admit that headgear was the hottest new accessory, but that’s beside the point.

He waited until one day after school when Steph was distracted by Ruth and Richie who had, once again, dragged some innocent bystander into one of their arguments. Then, he started silently creeping up behind her, catching his friends’ eyes and holding a finger up to his lips.

Their eyes darted back to Steph and they kept talking like nothing had happened, and that’s why Ruth and Richie are his best friends.

And three… Two…

“BOO!”

Peter dug his fingers into her sides, revelling in the shriek of surprise before Steph started laughing and tugging frantically at his hands.

As her knees buckled and he lowered her gently down, wriggling his fingers all the while, he proclaimed his victory, “Aha! I have felled the fearless! My reign shall be long and prosperous!”

Peter took a step back, grinning at the sight of Steph giggling up at him.

“Yohou are a fucking cheater Spankoffski!” Then she turned her accusing finger on Ruth and Richie who had been thoroughly enjoying the show up until this point, “And you two knew what was happening and you betrayed me!”

It was silly and everyone was feeling ridiculous, so maybe that’s why Richie said, “Yeah, well, we had to help Sir Peter slay Steph the Fearless! It’s our sworn duty!”

At that, something in Steph’s expression changed and she slowly rose to her feet and faced them.

“Well, maybe you should’ve checked if I was really dead, because now Steph the Fearless is going to get your asses! Starting with you!”

And she launched herself at Peter, clawing at his ribs as he toppled over with a shriek.

“Wahahahait! Steph nononono!” His gaze shifted up to his friends, “Ruth! Richie! Hehehehelp!”

They exchanged a nervous look before Ruth straightened her shoulders, “I’ll save you Sir Peter! RAHHHHHH!”

Her battle cry rang as she threw herself into the fray, dragging Richie in with her as a human meat shield.

Man, Peter thought, tangled up and laughing with the people he cared about the most in the world, my friends are fucking dorks.

And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

[bow-of-aros]

Day Ten: Spidering

Summary: It's time for Halloween decorating. And also spider fun fact time with Steph :)

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Hey folks! I decided on the spot that Steph loves spiders and it's canon to me now, sorry :) Anyways, I have a couple shorter fics lined up for the weekend so I'm definitely excited for that! hope that y'all enjoy <33

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“Hey, Pete! Look at what I found!”

Steph pulls her hands out of the box of Halloween decorations that Peter had discovered under the pile of junk that Ted called a storage closet. Her treasure? A collection of decoration spiders.

There were spiders to attach to fake cobwebs, spiders to perch on shelves, and spiders attached to strings to hang from the ceiling. Spiders galore!

“Oh fuck yeah! Would you like to do the honours of choosing where it goes?”

Steph’s already spreading them across Ted’s apartment, taking great care in her placement of each spider even though she’s very clearly buzzing with excitement.

Without even looking at him, she starts rattling off fun facts, “Did you know that spiders are actually nearsighted? And that they have special hairs at the end of their legs and that’s why they don’t get stuck on their own webs?”

Peter just sits back and watches her run around with a fond smile on his face. One thing that he’d learned while dating Steph was that she loved spiders. She talks all the time about getting a pet tarantula and how she’d take such good care of it, always doing research for the conditions that she would keep it in and how to keep it enriched and everything.

It makes sense if you think about it. Steph really does seem like the kind of person to like spiders.

“Peter! Are you even listening to me?”

He looks up to see Steph staring down at him, hands on her hips and a playful smirk on her face. Looking up a little further, Peter sees a spider perched precariously on her head which is really fucking cute.

“Of course I am!” Peter puts his hands up in mock surrender, “I love listening to your cool spider facts!”

“Oh yeah?” Steph’s grin grows a little more devious and nervous butterflies erupt in his stomach, “How about a really cool spider fact?”

She hovers her nails in front of his face, each one painted with a little spider on it in the Halloween spirit.

“Did you know that some spiders actually feed off of laughter?”

Uh oh.

Peter shrinks back a little in his seat, anticipatory giggles already leaking out, “Steheheph! Wait a minute! You don’t have to dohoho this!”

She just places herself on his lap, sliding her arms around his neck and giving him a quick kiss before leaning close to his ear and whispering,

“But how can I resist a cute little fly all caught up in my web?”

The teasing just makes his red face already redder, and Peter immediately bursts into giggles as her nails start scribbling over his neck, spidering down to his shoulder blades and skittering everywhere she can reach on his back.

“Steheheheph! Wahahahait!”

The light tracing has him burying his face in her shoulder, which doesn’t block out the fond laughter that has his blush spreading up to his ears.

“Awwww, don’t worry little fly,” She coos, “I won’t keep you trapped in my web for too long!” Her fingers trail up to his ears, chasing the warmth Peter can already feel, “Just long enough that my little spiders can have their fill.”

Little squeaks start punctuating his laughter, and yet he still doesn’t pull away.

“And honey,” Steph leans closer, breath ghosting over his neck and making him squeal, “I could just eat you up.”

It took a little longer than anticipated to get all the spiders put up. Peter can’t really bring himself to mind all that much.

[bow-of-aros]

Day Seventeen: Raspberries

Summary: Steph keeps her promise to Peter to help him get Ruth and Richie back after yesterday.

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I didn't write the first one with the explicit intention to write a part two but it is HERE and it is LONGER THAN PART ONE!!!!! I'm in love with them they're all so silly. Chaotic found family my absolute beloved I hope y'all enjoy <33

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Steph swung the door open not even five seconds after Peter had done his signature knock knockknock, hair slightly disheveled as though she had been panic cleaning for the past fifteen minutes.

“Hey guys!” She holds the door open to wave Peter, Ruth, and Richie inside, “Come on in! Sorry about the mess, I put off tidying up until like twenty minutes ago like a dumbass.”

Called it.

Ruth and Richie went in first. Steph offers Richie a fistbump and a promise to practice their secret handshake later, then wraps Ruth up in a big hug that leaves her beaming.

Peter marvelled at how easily Steph had seemed to fit into their little group. She’d adapted to Richie’s anime obsession and Ruth’s need to constantly be in contact with someone with the sort of dedication that Peter brought to his study sessions.

It was something out of a dream to see how well they all got along.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Steph wrapping an arm around his waist and kissing him on the cheek.

“Hey, babe.” A soft smile pulled at her lips as she looked up at him and he felt himself grinning in response.

“Hey, Steph.”

It was all still a little surreal. Peter was dating the mayor’s daughter. And she was awesome!

And they were in love with each other, as in she loved him back!

A squeeze to his side had him yelping and curling around her hand before looking up at Steph with questioning eyes.

“Where’d you go, Pete? You were off in la la land for a minute there.” She waggled her eyebrows at him, “Thinking about anything particularly exciting?”

He’s always thought that honesty is the best policy.

“I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have you and how it feels like you were the missing piece of our group, and now everything feels a little more whole.”

Silence rang for a moment as a pleased flush crept up Steph’s face.

“GAAAYYYYYYY!”

Yeah, he really was pushing his luck with that one.

“Shut the fuck up, Ruth!” Richie’s voice sounded from the living room which was presumably where they both were, eavesdropping, “Let them be gay in peace!”

Peter and Steph rolled their eyes at each other at their friends’ antics, laughing as muffled bickering inevitably started making its way towards them.

“Let’s go join them before they actually kill each other.”

They started making their way to the living room before Steph grabbed his arm and said, “And, for the record, there are days when I cannot believe how lucky I am. Yeah, for meeting Richie and Ruth and the chaos that comes with them, but mostly for meeting you, Pete.”

She laughs, running a hand through her hair, “Shit, I don’t even want to think about depressing my life would be if I hadn’t asked you to help me cheat on that biology test.”

And with that, plus a quick kiss to his jaw, she skipped away, leaving Peter slack-jawed and red-faced, trying desperately not to melt into a puddle on the spot.

“Come on Peter! We’re ordering pizza and then we’re gonna play Mario Party!”

Ruth’s voice spurred his brain back into semi-working order and he nearly tripped over his own feet in his scramble to the couch.

He made sure to throw himself on top of both Richie and Ruth, jabbing them with bony elbows and knees as he clambered in between Steph and Richie. Steph is in the middle of ordering the pizza, so Peter just leans back against Richie and reaches a hand across his lap to rest it on Ruth’s arm, smothering a laugh at her little bounce of excitement.

“And done!” Steph turns to them, “The pizza should be here in about thirty minutes, so we got some time to kill.”

“Should we set up Mario Party?” Ruth leaned out from beside Richie with hopeful eyes, careful not to dislodge Peter’s hand on her arm.

“Actually,” Peter could feel Richie tense beside him, knowing where this was going but refusing to move so that he wouldn’t upset Ruth, “I think I remember promising Peter something yesterday. So, Ruth?”

Ruth perked up, a nervous smile already spreading across her face, “Uh, yeah?”

Steph’s grin turned wicked, “I think that you should start running.”

They’d both taken off before she’d even finished her sentence, leaving Peter to wrestle Richie down on his stomach.

“Peter! Pete! You don’t have to do this, man!”

Richie’s plea was punctuated by a shriek from somewhere in the house followed by peals of frantic laughter.

Peter cracked his knuckles before reaching down to rub them into the back of Richie’s ribs.

“What? This?” He had to raise his voice to be heard above Richie’s squeals, “This is revenge, Richie! He who shows no mercy will receive none in return!”

And, yeah, maybe he was being a little dramatic, but after the shit that Richie had pulled yesterday, Peter was having a pretty hard time feeling bad about it.

“How’s it going in here Pete?” Steph walked back into the living room pulling a stumbling, giggling Ruth alongside her. “Having fun?”

“Oh yeah, totally!” He replied, giving rapid-fire squeezes to Richie’s sides to hear the hysteric little squeaks he let out. “How about you?”

Steph pulled Ruth down beside her on the loveseat next to the couch, casually clawing her nails into Ruth’s stomach and speaking over the resulting shriek.

“I’m having a good time. I figured you’d want to help out with some of the revenge since it’s your revenge. So, what do you say, Pete, where do I go from here?”

She gestured at Ruth who looked up pleadingly at Peter.

“Nohohoho! Don’t say anythihihihing! I’ll stop complaining about you winning at Super Smash Bros!”

Peter hummed thoughtfully, drumming his fingers on Richie’s back to give him a bit of a breather while still keeping him on edge. Steph seemed entertained by his dramatics, and when has that been anything but encouraging?

He made direct eye contact with Ruth but directed his next words to Steph, “If you trace her wrists and her forearms really lightly, she’ll start screaming.”

Ruth started babbling half-hearted pleas for mercy that everybody could tell she didn’t mean, and Peter added, “Brace yourself because it will be loud. You have been warned.”

Steph’s nails touched down and Peter was immediately proven right as Ruth’s shriek seemed to rattle the glass around them. Steph’s delighted laugh was nearly drowned out, but her, “Huh. This is definitely a new one. Never hurts to have a kill-switch though,” certainly wasn’t.

Richie’s sudden attempt to buck his way out of Peter’s hold nearly succeeded due to his being distracted by Steph’s apparently evil tendencies and Ruth’s whining cackles as she desperately tried to pull her arm away.

“Oh no you don’t!” He used Richie’s momentum to flip him over to his back, making sure to immediately shove Richie’s hands under his knees and press down on them to prevent any attempts at turning the tables.

“Hey, Steph!” Peter called over, “Richie and I have basically known each other our entire lives since my brother and his uncle work together, do you wanna see his kill-switch?”

At those words, Steph’s eyes lit up at the same moment that Richie’s went wide and he started kicking out, hitting nothing but the arm of the couch.

“Hell yeah I do—”

“No! Nonononono Pete, you can’t do this to me! We’re best friends you can’t kill me!”

Richie stared up at him with his best puppy dog eyes, something that he would normally give in to if he didn’t have a girlfriend to impress.

Peter just pouted back at him, “Aw but Richie, I can’t disappoint Steph!”

And without giving him the chance to respond, Peter pushed his shirt up to his ribs, leaned down, and planted a raspberry right on his stomach.

Steph and Ruth actually clapped their hands around their ears at the scream that he let out but Peter, who’s dealt with his fair share of Richie’s bloodcurdling screeches, just took in another deep breath and leaned back down.

The second scream wasn’t as deafening as the first, and Peter could tell that Richie was getting tired, so he figured that he’d let him off the hook.

“So. Are you sorry about yesterday?”

When Richie took too long to answer, Peter started leaning back down again, and he basically tripped over his own tongue trying to get the words out.

“YES! I’m sohohohohorry! Petey plehehehease I’m dyhihihing!”

“Annnnndddd will you do my functions homework for the next week?”

“Peter!” Steph chided, “Cheating is wrong.”

They all froze for a moment before cracking up and Peter rolled off of Richie and held out a hand to help him up.

Instead of using it to pull himself up, Richie pulled Peter down on top of him. Instead of a counter-attack like he’d been expecting, Richie just wrapped his arms around Peter and yawned very loudly.

Right in his face.

“Dude, gross! I don’t need your nasty-ass breath in my face.” But instead of doing anything about it, Peter just relaxed into his hold.

This beautiful moment was broken by a camera flash going off and Steph exclaiming, “Awwwww! My cute boyfriend with his cute boyfriend! Fucking precious.”

The sarcasm had a genuine edge to it, but they both still flipped her matching birds.

“GERONIMO!” Was the only warning they got before Ruth came crashing down on top of them and, despite getting the wind knocked out of them, they shuffled around to make room for her on the increasingly crowded couch.

Ding-dong!

“That’s probably the pizza,” The trio stared at Steph for a moment, “Which I will be getting. There better be room on that couch for me when I get back!”

They lay there in silence for a moment before Ruth sighed, “I love you guys.”

“We love you too, Ruth.”

“And I love Steph. She’s awesome.”

“Yeah,” Peter said, “She is pretty cool, huh?”

The overlapping groans from his friends only stoked the warmth in his chest as he squeezed them closer.

That’s when Steph skipped into view, pizza boxes in hand, “I have pizza!”

As they untangled themselves, Peter looked up at the girlfriend he was in love with, surrounded by the friends who made him feel whole, and knew that he wouldn’t trade this for the world.

[bow-of-aros]

Day Sixteen: Cackle

Summary: Steph wants to know if Peter, Ruth, and Richie want to come over to her place, but Ruth and Richie have decided to be pains in the ass so Peter doesn't think they should be allowed to.

They don't exactly take too kindly to that :)

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Guys. GUYS. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! I literally went crazy writing this fic why haven't I written them before?????? They're so precious and I just alsdj;kflasjkdsajdp you know?? Anyway, I hope that y'all enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it <33

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Peter was hanging out with Ruth and Richie at Richie’s after school.

Well, technically, they were supposed to be studying for the biology test at the end of the week, but it was only Monday, and none of them were that nervous about it.

And, the call of Super Smash Bros was just too strong to resist.

After winning his third game in a row, and subsequently performing his third victory dance, his friends started getting really competitive, which was a little terrifying considering the baseline level of Ruth’s competitiveness on any given day.

“Come on, Peter!” Ruth whined after a Smash Attack sent her flying off the platform, “When the hell did you get good at this? What happened to little Petey Pie who used to jump into the void all the time?”

Peter dodged an attack from Richie, floating up into the air just to slam back down, “He got sick of his friends kicking his ass all the time and decided to do some ass-kicking of his own. HA! Take that, fucker!”

The screen flashed as Ruth and Richie groaned, proclaiming Peter as the victor once more.

“You are not playing as your main next time! You can be, like, Doctor Mario or something.” Richie was already setting up the next game thanks to his eternal claim as player one.

I’m the best of you! And you��re the best of me! And together we are free—

“Hey Steph! What’s up?”

Peter ignored the way Richie gagged at the sound of his ringtone and how Ruth’s eyes lit up at Steph’s name, pressing his phone against his ear with his shoulder in order to select Steve from the collection of avatars before either of his friends could get to it.

“Oh, nothing much!” Steph’s voice came through a little tinny, and Peter wouldn’t be surprised if he was on speaker while she did some chores around the house.

“I was just wondering if you had anything planned tomorrow night.”

As Steph was talking, Ruth was doing her level best to crawl across Peter’s lap and put her ear up to his phone despite his attempts to elbow her away.

“Lemme hear!” Ruth hissed.

Peter just stuck his tongue out and redoubled his efforts.

“Uh, no, not really!” His phone jostled as Richie tried to wedge it out from under his ear and Peter had to snatch it back, “Why do you ask?”

“Are you doing alright over there, Pete?” Steph’s voice was tinged with amusement as though she could see the human pretzel that Ruth and Richie were dragging him into.

“Yeah! Everything’s fine!” Peter swatted Richie’s prying hands while attempting to use his feet to keep Ruth away, “What were you gonna ask?”

He could hear something rustle as Steph picked her phone up, turning it off of speaker mode and holding it up to her ear.

He could also hear the overlapping “Come onnnnnnn,” and “We just wanna say hi!” from his friends as Richie tried once again to worm his fingers around Peter’s phone.

“Ah!” And wriggling right against his neck.

Silence echoed as Ruth and Richie exchanged evil looks.

Aw fuck.

“—if you three would want to hang out at my place?” Peter had missed the first half of that sentence due to the now-sporadic squeezes at his knees and more purposeful scratching at his neck, but he was sure that he could make an educated guess.

“I, uh, I don’t know if they can mAKE ihit.”

He’d nearly gotten through the whole sentence without cracking, but then Ruth had started spidering her fingers in the soft spot behind his knees which she knew was unfair, and a small squeak had broken through.

Peter did his best to seal his lips shut as Steph said, “Aw, are you sure? My dad will be out and I can order all of us pizza.”

“Mhm!”

You see, Peter would feel bad about lying to Steph on a regular day. But, considering that his friends had decided to be conniving assholes today, he figured that she would forgive him just this once.

“Are you sure that you’re alright? You sound kinda…nervous.”

Steph sounded genuinely concerned, so Peter kicked Ruth back into the couch and threw an elbow into Richie’s gut so that he could scramble to his feet, trying to subtly catch his breath.

“Yeah, sorry!” They were both already up and after him, so Peter had to dodge grabbing hands as he said, “It’s just that I think Ruth and Richie are too busy being annoying little brats to hang out tomorrow night!”

Twin gasps echoed through the room as both Ruth and Richie’s jaws dropped in indignation.

“How dare you—”

“Spankoffski get your lying ass over here!”

Peter dove out of the way just in time to hear Steph’s “Ohhhhhhhh,” of realization before she broke out into laughter.

“You really had me worried for a second there, Pete!” Richie caught him around the waist and started the not-so-difficult process of wrestling him to the ground, “Maybe you can come over and they can join when they learn to behave!”

It seemed like Ruth heard that last part as she let out an affronted “HEY!”

“Yeah, I think that would be bEST—Wait! Richie nononono shihihihit!”

Ruth managed to pry his phone out of his hands as Richie went straight for the kill, drawing out frantic cackles with ruthless clawing at his ribs.

“Hey, Steph!” Ruth said cheerfully as a sudden jump to Peter’s upper ribs startled a shriek out of him before falling back into hysterics.

“This is for playing the same overpowered character in Smash Bros! SMASH ATTACK!” Richie cried as he vibrated a hand into his victim’s stomach, prompting him to curl up in hopeless defense.

Meanwhile, Ruth was still talking to Steph, “Oh, we would love to come over to hang out! But,” she added, cutting Peter a sly glance, “we don’t want to intrude if Peter doesn’t want us there!”

She stood there for a moment, nodding to whatever Steph was saying, “Of course! Here, you can ask him yourself!”

And then she hit a button on his phone and Steph’s voice rang out, “Hey Pete! So, I was just talking to Ruth and I wanted to double-check if you were totally sure about them not being able to make it tomorrow night.”

“Steheheheph! Hehehehelp!” Was all he could get out in between fits of laughter.

His friends broke out into giggles as Steph said, “I can’t do much for you right now, but if you bring Ruth and Richie over I could help you out with some well-earned revenge! How does that sound?”

Peter could feel Richie’s fingers falter at the threat and see the faint blush rising on Ruth’s face through the tears that had begun to form in his eyes.

“Okay! Deal! They can come!” He took advantage of Richie’s moment of hesitation to get out his response and quickly rolled away, popping up to snatch his phone back out of Ruth’s hands.

“See you tomorrow! Love you! Bye!” And he hung up the phone to the sound of Steph’s laughter before whirling around to his so-called friends.

Peter flung one choice finger out at Ruth, “Fuck you!”

And then the other at Richie, “Fuck you more!”

They just grinned at him as he slumped back down on the couch and reached for his controller, “I think I deserve to kick your asses for a bit now.”

The groans that they let out were undermined by the way they both picked up their own remotes before sitting on either side of him. Richie leaned against Peter while Ruth dropped her head on his shoulder, and the warmth seeped through to his very core.

Well, Peter thought as Richie hit play, there are definitely worse ways to spend an evening than with my two best friends.

Now to kick. Their. Asses.

[bow-of-aros]

Day Twenty-Three: Sweet

Summary:

Ruth and Richie are coming over to help Peter get ready for his Valentine's Day date with Steph. He just wants to make sure that they know he appreciates them, and they return the favour.

IT'S HERE!!!! Sorry folks my brain was not working yesterday, I spent the whole day doing an English assignment and then crashed super hard. But I'm back today and here's day 23 (hopefully I'll get day 24 up later tonight) with my favourite sillies!! Hope that y'all enjoy <33

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It was Valentine’s Day.

Normally, Peter Spankoffski would be hanging out with Ruth and Richie on some park bench, watching all the couples walk by and making up elaborate stories about how they would one day break up.

But this was his first Valentine’s Day with an honest to God girlfriend, and Ruth and Richie had taken great pains to say that they would kill him if he fucked this up.

Brutally.

And possibly with an ax, that part had been unclear.

Anyway, he was taking Steph out to Pasqualli’s tonight—“Pasqualli’s?!” Ted had exclaimed gleefully, “My little brother has got some game! You really are my kid!”—and he wanted it to be perfect.

Yeah, he’d tried to tell Ted that he wasn’t his kid, but his older brother had just wiped away a fake tear and said how proud he was, which had left Peter feeling too warm to argue.

In preparation for his date, and to soothe any lingering nerves, he’d invited Ruth and Richie over to help him get ready.

Or, at least, that’s what he’d told them.

They hadn’t said anything, but Peter knew that they were upset that they weren’t going to spend the day together like they had been for years. Sure, the day was typically meant for romance, but to those three it was a “Re-fortifying of their eternal bond,” as Richie had once called it.

Peter wanted to make sure that they still felt appreciated, and that Richie and Ruth knew that he still loved them even though he has a girlfriend.

And yeah, he said that he loved them. No matter what Ted might think, toxic masculinity is not cool and Peter can actually express his emotions without getting all insecure about it.

Take that society!

Ding-dong!

The clock read 4:58 and Peter had asked them to be there at five. He wasn’t sure that these two had even been on time for anything in their lives. The fact that they were here early for him was actually really touching.

He heard the door open as Ted said something snarky about being a good host before Ruth and Richie burst into his room.

Ruth looked like she was buzzing with excitement, eyes bright as she hops in place.

Richie looked like he was sick of Ruth’s bullshit. In a fond way, of course.

“Hi Peter! Are you so excited to—Hey what’s that?”

Ruth’s question was cut off by Peter handing her a car with a heart-shaped lollipop on it. It had a big picture of a mushroom on the front and read You take up so mushroom in my heart! When she opened it up, Peter had written a little note that said Even though I’m dating Steph. You and Richie are still my partners in crime! Happy Valentine’s Day xoxo.

She froze, blinking rabidly as she tried to make sense of what she was seeing, so Peter decided to take advantage of that and hand Richie his card.

His had a giant poké ball on the front and said If you were a Pokémon, I’d choose you! And inside the card was his own lollipop and a Happy Valentine’s Day to my first ever valentine! You, me, and Ruth are forever!!

The shock on both of their faces were too good to not take a picture of, so that’s exactly what Peter did.

Ruth and Richie were both jolted out of their stupor at the sound of the click, and the next thing Peter knew he was being tackled back onto his bed under the force of his two best friends.

“Awwwww Peter!” Ruth blubbered into his chest, “This is so sweet!!”

Even Richie sounded like he was choking back tears, “Yeah man, fuck you for making me feel things.”

They stayed like that for a little, Ruth’s quiet sniffling being the only thing to break the silence before she suddenly shot up and exclaimed, “We didn’t get you anything! Oh my God we are horrible friends!”

Peter was quick to put a stop to what could be a very rapid spiral, “No! You’re here to help me get ready for my date with Steph, I just wanted to repay you for that. And to remind you that just because I’m dating the mayor’s daughter now doesn’t mean I’m ditching you guys.”

Ruth and Richie stared at him and, before Peter could blink, the breath was knocked out of him once again by Ruth throwing herself on top of him.

“Still! I wish we could give you something!”

Peter just patted Ruth’s curls sympathetically, but anything he might’ve said was interrupted by Richie.

“You know, we still could give him something.”

There was an odd tone to his voice that Peter couldn’t decipher, but when Ruth looked up her mouth stretched into a mischievous grin as she clearly caught his meaning.

“You’re so right! And this will be extra helpful because he’s probably so nervous about his date so we can help him loosen up before he leaves. Richie you’re a genius!”

Peter was looking between the two, unused to being the odd one out in their conversations.

“Uh, guys? What are you—HEY! Ruhuhuhuth nononono!”

She hadn’t even given him the chance to finish his sentence before she started scribbling her nails over his stomach, occasionally kneading into softer spots to get a yelp out of him.

Richie sat up and grinned down at him, “Here’s your Valentine’s Day gift from us!” He started dancing his fingers over Peter’s neck, eliciting squeakier giggles as he recited his own little note, “We still love you even though you’re ditching us for Stephanie Lauter. It definitely helps that your laugh is so adorable!”

Peter flushed red at the comment, torn between covering his face or trying to push Ruth away from where she was moving up to his ribs. He settled on attempting both at once, which really did not help him in either direction.

“Nohohoho it’s nohohohot!” A hint of a whine leaked into his voice, “FUCK! Ruth not thehehehere!”

Her fingers had found purchase in the grooves on his upper ribs and were wriggling around in a way that was driving Peter crazy.

“Uh, yeah, it is! Your laugh is all squeaky and you snort. How do you get cuter than that?!” Ruth offered her rebuttal with one of her hands shooting down to squeeze at his knees, causing him to kick out with the aforementioned snort.

“She’s right, Pete.” Richie scratched at the spot behind his ears, drawing out a high-pitched squeal as Peter desperately scrunched up his shoulders in an attempt to protect himself, “The vote’s two-to-one, so the motion passes! Your laugh is fucking adorable.”

Stuck under his friends, Peter felt like he was floating. A dizzy sort of mirth was starting to set in as Ruth scribbled her nails over his kneecaps and Richie wormed a hand under his arm. It was nice, he was here with two of the people he trusted most in the world, laughing under the force of their affection as his nervousness over the date slipped away.

After a little bit longer, they finished their attack with a few pokes and let Peter curl up in a little ball of giggles. Ruth draped herself over him like a human weighted blanket while Richie ran his fingers through his hair to soothe him.

“I lohove you guys.”

They both smirked at each other, proud of their handywork as Peter relaxed a bit more into them.

“We love you too, Pete!”

“Yeah, what she said, fucking obviously.”

He squeezed them a bit tighter for a moment before sitting up with a groan, rubbing away the faint soreness in his torso with a playful glare at his friends.

“Alright, now you guys have to help me decide what to wear, because I’m not totally sure what I’m going for.”

Ruth hopped right up and darted to his closet, immediately starting to pick through clothes she deemed appropriate for a Valentine’s date at Pasqualli’s. Every so often she would take a shirt off its hanger and toss it in the vague direction of Peter’s head, forcing him to exercise his subpar catching skills.

Meanwhile, Richie just slung an arm around his shoulders and said, “Don’t even worry, we’re gonna make you the best looking nerd in Hatchetfield. Steph won’t know what hit her!”

And here, with his best friends, getting ready for a date with the coolest girl he knows, Peter officially labels this the best Valentine’s Day he’s ever had.

[bow-of-aros]

Nitrogen, Erbium, Deuterium

Summary:

Richie's had a very long day, and he just wants to go home and relax with the little family he's created. Too bad Paul and Ted are competitive about the WORST things.

This story was prompted by my lovely ☁️ anon on and it grew bigger than I thought it would. I've grown very very attached to this little family they're so important to me. Rip Richie and Peter for real though, I really put them through the younger-sibling ringer. Hope that you guys enjoy!! <33

It’s been a long day. Richie had to stay late after school to work on his chemistry project, something that he really didn’t care about but was worth an upsetting amount of his grade. He’s not totally sure how he got roped into AP chem, just that Pete wanted to take it but he didn’t want to take it alone and Ruth has a longstanding feud with chemistry in any form.

Anyway, Peter had gotten his work done in advance like a smart person, and he’d invited Richie to come over and hang out after he finished up with his project, so he was now on his way to the Spankoffski house. Not like it was much of a house, more like a very cramped apartment space that miraculously housed the most cluttered person Richie’s ever met, and Peter.

It’s weird if he thinks about it too long. Richie and Peter had become friends years ago, and Peter’s always been a little reserved. Sure, he was a total genius and was probably going to win some Nobel prize in the future, but he couldn’t talk to anyone outside of Richie and Ruth to save his life.

And he was related to Ted Spankoffski?!

Richie’s been hearing stories about him ever since he started living with his uncle Paul. It started off as his annoying co-worker, always bothering him about trips to Beanie’s or making inappropriate comments towards every girl they worked with. Then it gradually shifted into his co-worker Ted who actually wasn’t that bad after getting to know him, even though he’s still loud and obnoxious and annoying.

Then, one day Peter brought up this guy Paul that his brother just won’t shut the fuck up about and Richie lost his shit. Sure, he’d known that Pete had an older brother, and distantly he probably remembered that his name was Ted, but connecting his geeky best friend who would rather study for a test than go out to a movie to the well-known ‘town sleazeball’ hadn’t even occurred to him.

That had changed the first time he saw them in a room together.

First off, the resemblance was uncanny. Cut Pete’s hair and stick a fake mustache on him and they could basically be the same person. Richie finally learned where the cutting snark that seemed to appear out of nowhere came from, watching those two have a conversation was one of the most entertaining and also confusing things he’d ever witnessed in his life.

Peter relaxed around Ted in a way that Richie rarely ever saw. He was always tense for one reason or another but, for some reason, one half-compliment and a ruffle to his hair from Ted was all it took for him to finally take a break.

Richie had been jealous when he first saw them. Despite being over a decade apart in age they were brothers, they messed with each other and constantly complained about something the other had done, but they so clearly cared about each other. Ted had known that Peter was trans even before Richie and, when his parents hadn’t taken it well, Ted immediately took his little brother in.

He’s never seen two people so completely different and yet so obviously related in his entire life.

All this is to say, when Richie pushed the door open to shrieking laughter, he wasn’t exactly surprised. He left his shoes by the front door and dropped his bag somewhere, making a mental note to move it somewhere else later as he peeked into the living room.

Ted’s got Peter half-pinned to the couch, rolling his eyes as Peter denies something or other, “Plehehehease Ted! I dihihihidn’t tell him I swear!”

Richie can’t exactly see what’s going on but, if he had to guess, he’d say that Ted was clawing at Pete’s ribs by how red his face is.

Of course, that’s when Pete catches his eye, “Richie! Rihihihichie help mehehehe!”

Before Richie can back away and spend the next however long staying out of this most recent argument, Ted’s head snaps around and his grin widens when his gaze lands on Richie.

“Hey, kid!” He calls, “Come here, maybe you can help us sort this out!”

And Richie really doesn’t like how he says that, so he says, “Uh, I’m good, actually! I think I’m gonna go get some water or something.”

Ted just scoffs at him, “PAUL!” Oh great, apparently his uncle’s here too.

From a couple of rooms over Richie hears a “You don’t have to yell, Ted! What do you need?”

“Tell your punk-ass nephew to get in here and help me out!”

Ted doesn’t even finish his sentence before Paul’s standing at Richie’s side, staring at Pete’s predicament with an amused look on his face. Peter just looks like he’s grateful for the break and starts carefully trying to slide out from under his brother.

When Peter sees that Paul’s made an appearance, he immediately starts calling out to him, “Paul! Paul tell Ted that I didn’t tell you that his favourite movie is Love, Actually!”

Richie can’t help letting out a snort at that because really? And then the more he thinks about it the more it actually kinda makes sense.

Ted points a threatening finger at him before turning to Paul, “Well?”

Silence grows as Paul contemplates. Pete’s looking at him pleadingly, meanwhile, Ted’s just staring at him with this dopey-ass look because they’re in love or some shit.

Look, just because Peter and Richie had been conspiring to get Ted and Paul together for the past few months and finally succeeded, doesn’t mean that they’re not kind of disgusted when they’re gross about it. Richie almost finds himself missing the time before they got together before immediately regretting it because, no, the pining had been way worse.

“Sorry Pete,” Paul shrugs, bringing Richie back to the present, “You know I don’t like to lie.”

Richie turns to see a mischievous smirk on his uncle’s face as Pete’s frantic nonononono’s fade back into laughter.

“Damn, Uncle Paul,” He whispers, “That was cold.”

His uncle just grins before leaning in to say, “Actually, Pete didn’t tell me. I saw it on Ted’s IMDB page that he doesn’t think I know about. It’s the only one with ten full stars and his comment is that it makes him cry every time he watches it.”

That punches a startled laugh out of Richie because he did not expect Paul of all people to play dirty like that. Richie really likes Ted, he’s like the older brother that he’d always wanted growing up, but seeing Paul come out of his shell a little more each day fills him with a sort of gratefulness that he doesn’t really know how to express.

Just then, Peter shrieks and Ted exclaims, “Shit, Petey! You’re worse than Richie is there!”

Richie’s ears are burning because Ted shoots him a wink while squeezing at Pete’s knees and he’s suddenly very aware that he’s only wearing shorts.

At least Ted’s preoccupied at the moment.

“What?” Paul laughs, slinging an arm around his shoulder, “Not a chance, Spankoffski. Richie basically screams if you so much as look at his knees.”

Richie takes back everything he thought about being grateful. Ted sucks. And Paul sucks.

And Paul’s dragging him into the living room before he can slip away, arguing with Ted all the while.

“Look. I guarantee you that Richie’s worse. I mean, I haven’t even gotten started and he’s already smiling!” Shit, he was really hoping that nobody had noticed that.

Ted pulls Pete off to the side a bit so that Paul can push Richie down on the couch. He’s learned that fighting only makes things worse, so he just exchanges nervous glances with his best friend and hopes that this doesn’t get too out of hand.

“No way! Petey has this little spot on the back of his ribs that—”

“Shut the fuck up, Ted!” Peter frantically interrupts him, but they keep talking like he didn’t even speak.

“Oh, yeah? Well I haven’t even told you about Richie’s elbows, I mean—”

“Uncle Paul!” Oh God, Richie’s dead. He looks over at Pete who seems equally as panicked and corrects himself: They’re both dead.

Ted stares down at Richie incredulously, “Really kid? Your elbows?”

“Hey!” Richie presses his arms tight against his sides, “It’s not like I can help it!”

He just gets a scoff in response, “Whatever you say, Richie.” Then, Ted looks at Paul, a competitive fire sparking in his eyes, “Here, I’ll prove it to you that my dork is way worse than your dork.”

Peter’s eyes go wide at that and he immediately starts shoving at Ted’s hands that are trying to worm their way between his body and the couch. “Ted! Stay away from me you fucking asshole!”

It’s a valiant effort, but Ted manages to wrest his brother’s arms away and start poking around, “Alright, now where was it? It’s gotta be here somewhe—”

“NO! Tehehehed plehehehease!” Richie winces in sympathy as Pete crumbles.

And then he also makes a mental note of where Ted’s attacking for later.

Just in case.

Ted crows in triumph, “Aha! See?” He gestures to the frantic, cackling mess that Peter’s become, “Bet you can’t beat that!”

A chill crawls up Richie’s spine as Paul quirks an eyebrow at Ted before looking down at him. “Feel like helping me out here? You don’t want Ted and Peter to win this one, do you?”

Richie’s already shaking his head before his uncle even finishes his sentence, “Actually, I am so okay with them winning this one! It really isn’t that bad—Uncle Paul you don’t have to do this!” Paul manages to pull Richie’s arm away from his body with an ease that would be embarrassing if he wasn’t distracted.

Like, Richie isn’t weak, he just didn’t think that Paul would be strong.

Something touches down on Richie’s arm and he nearly jumps out of his skin, shrinking back as much as the couch will allow.

“Uncle Paul?” He musters up his most pathetic look, “Come on. Please don’t do this to me.”

Paul looks over at Pete, babbling pleas as he desperately tugs at Ted’s arm, and then at Ted, smiling gleefully at his assumed victory. Then he gives Richie a grin that’s half fond, half pure evil, and says “Sorry kiddo, desperate times call for desperate measures.”

As light as can be, Paul starts tracing imaginary paths down Richie’s arm, drawing nonsensical patterns in the crook of his elbow and Richie is gone. He knows it’s a weird spot, and he’s okay with that! It means that nobody’s going to try anything, and Richie can preserve what little dignity he has left.

But Paul knows, and he’s using it against him, and Richie’s dying.

“Uncle Pahahahahaul! PlehehEHEHEASE! Nonononono nohohohot thehehere! SHIT!” Ted and Paul are talking to each other, probably debating who’s worse out of their two victims, but Richie’s not paying much attention to the words as he does his level best to crawl out of his fucking skin.

He’s pretty sure he knows what Pete’s going through next to him, he knows from personal experience that the fastest way to get his best friend to cave is to latch onto a spot and claw into it. Richie’s only been subjected to a Ted Spankoffski tickle attack a few times, but that man is ruthless. He’s got eighteen years of being a big brother under his belt and is using every last one of them to dig in just enough to make Peter screech and flail, but not enough for it to hurt.

Richie’s currently going through his own version of Hell, the half-coherent begging he manages to get out mingling with Peter’s to the point where he’s not sure who’s saying what.

The Lipschitz household had never been particularly affectionate. His dad would occasionally grab his shoulder roughly to jostle him around in what he probably thought was a manly display of some sort of love, so Richie wasn’t exactly used to touch. Definitely nothing gentle.

So when Paul, endlessly awkward and terrified of doing something that would hurt Richie, lightly ran a hand down Richie’s spine in an attempt to comfort him, he might have let out an embarrassing squeak.

And when Ruth, endlessly touch-starved and constantly needing to fidget, had run her nails across his wrist and lit up with glee at the shriek he let out, he’d essentially been doomed.

So now, in the ultimate culmination of the exploitation of his weakness, Richie’s kicking and screeching at what essentially equates to the feeling of a very small spider crawling down his arm.

Over.

And over.

And over.

“Uncle Pahahahaul! I cahahahan’t!” He’s switched to drawing distracted circles in Richie’s elbow, still arguing with Ted, and Richie honestly might explode if he keeps it up. “MEHEHERCY! I gihihihihihive! Nohohoho mohohohore!”

He can hear echoes of his pleas beside him, and Peter’s whipping out the big guns on this one. “Teheheheheddy! Teddy you wihihihihihin! I’m sohohohorry! Plehehehease!”

As nice as this is, the warm, playful atmosphere that settles into him and whispers family into his ear, not that he’d ever actually admit it, Richie’s grateful when Paul heaves himself up, leaving Richie to collapse into Peter as they both try to recover.

There’s a slight wheeze to his breathing, and Peter has a couple of tears running down his face from laughing so hard, but they both manage to suck in slightly dramatic breaths as their family looks down at them.

“You guys,” Peter gasps, “Are evil.”

Richie nods tiredly in agreement, “Yeah. Holy shit.”

Paul just smiles as Ted leans in to ruffle Peter’s hair, then Richie’s. “Yeah, well. Good news for you two, we’ve declared this a tie. Turns out that both you geeks are stupidly ticklish in weird-ass places. Congrats!”

They flip him twin birds, then quickly stumble over apologies when Ted fakes a lunge towards them.

He settles back next to Paul with a satisfied grin, “It’s nice to know I still got it. Why don’t we let the kids take a nap while we order some dinner? Chinese sound good with you two?”

“Not napping,” Richie mutters, eyes already half-shut, “But I like Chinese.”

“Mhm.” Peter falls down onto his back, pulling Richie down with him.

The last thing Richie feels before he drifts off is a hand smoothing down his hair, and then he falls asleep with a smile on his face and a comforting warmth telling him that, no matter what happens, everything’s going to be just fine with his little makeshift family by his side.

[bow-of-aros]

Day Fifteen: Are You Ticklish?

Summary: It's Ted's birthday and nobody seems to give a damn as per usual. All he wants is to go home and forget that today ever happened.

Seems like his friends have other plans.

-

Hey folks! This is my very self-indulgent birthday fic bc it's my birthday and I can do whatever the hell I want!! It's my longest fic this month and I'm very proud of it, so enjoy <33

Also, to the person that put in the request for this day, I hope that you in particular enjoy the most!

-

Ted had never had the best experience with birthdays.

Growing up, nobody had really bothered to give half of a shit about him, and it hasn’t exactly changed much since then. Sure, Pete would text him and try to rope him into doing something if he was home, and at one point, there had been Jenny, but that hadn’t exactly worked out.

So when Ted walks into work and is greeted with the usual half-hearted enthusiasm—which is definitely an upgrade from the outright disdain from before The Incident—Ted just sighs and accepts that it’s gonna be another shitty birthday.

The Incident. Nobody’s really quite sure what happened. In fact, they all tried to not think about it as much as physically possible.

Ted’s just grateful that they all seemed to form some sort of trauma bond. Everyone was a bit more tolerant of his antics, sometimes they even smiled at his jokes and references instead of just shaking their heads and ignoring him.

Paul will actually invite him to Beanie’s every once in a while and listen while Ted brags about his genius little brother with something that almost looks like fondness on his face.

Bill doesn’t go see musicals anymore, but he’ll ask Ted if he wants to watch a new movie that’s come out without looking like he’d rather do anything else.

Charlotte got a divorce from Sam and asked Ted to have some space while she sorted out her life and, for once in his life, he respected her wishes and kept his distance. She looked more relaxed around the office and Ted felt like he’d found a real friend in her, like he could just talk to her with only a slight fear of judgment.

And he definitely hadn't set his sights on a beige-wearing, musical-hating coworker of his.

Definitely.

But all of this didn’t mean that they actually liked him. Ted wasn’t stupid enough to think that just because some horrible, incredibly traumatizing thing happened to all of them that they would suddenly start actually enjoying the company of their disgusting sleazeball coworker.

But still, Ted would take what he could get, and he’d actually started looking forward to coming to work, even if he threw up a little in his mouth at the thought.

He couldn’t help but be disappointed when he didn’t even get so much as a ‘Happy birthday’ though. Like, sure, they weren’t exactly best buds, but the bar really isn’t set that high!

As the day goes on, Ted notices that his frien—coworkers are avoiding him more often than was usual. It was almost like they were slipping back into their pre-Incident dynamic. Conversations would stop the second he stepped in the room, attempts at jokes fell flat and were only met with a roll of the eyes, and Ted found himself falling back into his old role in response.

He curled in on himself more before trying to project the false bravado that had once felt like a second skin to him. His any attention is good attention mindset was back in full swing, praying that something he did would get anyone to just talk to him!

Thankfully, that only lasted for a little while before he realized that he didn’t want to be that Ted anymore, and wasn’t that a revelation to examine literally never.

By the end of the day, Ted was exhausted. Mr. Davidson had asked him to stay a few minutes late to help him with some last-minute filing, which could not have been that important but hey, he had nothing better to be doing.

He’d spent a solid few hours picking through his memory to try and figure out if he’d done anything extra repulsive within the past few days and came up empty-handed.

Paul had even gone home early, also known as not thirty minutes late, which he never did and Ted was worried enough—and desperate enough— that he’d sent a u gud? To which he’d received a perfectly punctuated Yeah. Thanks, Ted.

Was it sad that those three words had made him feel better than anything else that day? Definitely.

Was Ted going to take anything he could get? Abso-fucking-lutely.

As he pulled into his driveway, all he could think about was ordering some shitty takeout, drinking some shitty beer, and pretending that he didn’t exist until this shitty day was over. Hopefully, everything would go back to normal tomorrow, and Ted could just chalk today up to his birthday curse.

The key slipped into the door and it turned after the required two seconds of trying to jimmy it open.

As his hand fumbled for the light he called out, “Hey Pete! I’m home! Fair warning to finish anything up before I—OH HOLY FUCK!”

The light flipped on, revealing a very brightly decorated living room and Paul, Bill, and Charlotte gleefully yelling, “SURPRISE!”

Silence rang for a moment.

Two.

“Ted? Are you… Crying?”

At Charlotte’s question Ted whipped around and very unsubtly scrubbed at his eyes as he said, “No! It’s hay fever season! I just have, uh,” He sniffled, damn it, “I just have really bad allergies.”

He turned back just in time to catch an armful of knitted sweater and curly hair.

“I’m sorry!” She said, somehow managing to be the one holding him despite the fact that he had a foot on her at least, “I told them that a surprise party was a bad idea! But they were so set on it and I’m so bad at keeping secrets! And oh my God we were so mean to you today!”

Charlotte pulled away to look him in the eye, “Can you forgive us? Please?”

Honestly, Ted had forgiven them the second he learned that they all hadn’t gone back to not-so-secretly hating them.

And he’d never really been able to say no to Charlotte.

“Alright. I guess I can forgive you.”

She let out an ear-piercing shriek before throwing herself back at him and Ted found himself sinking into the affection.

A warm body encompassed him from behind as Bill joined the hug and, fuck, Ted couldn’t burst into tears again and ruin the image he’d been carefully cultivating for the past however many years.

“Yeah, man. We were kinda shitty today. Sure it was all to keep the party hidden but that’s not an excuse. Are you alright?”

They are not making this easy on him.

“Yeah!” Oh, that was way too high-pitched. Let’s try that one again.

“Yeah.” Much better, “I definitely wasn’t worried that I’d done something wrong and you guys all hated me again and I’d fucked up the only actual friendships I’ve had since I was a kid or anything.”

…Yikes. Great save, Spankoffski.

Ted felt an arm wind its way around his waist, giving him an awkward side hug and holy shit. Paul, Mr. If-you-come-within-two-feet-of-me-I-will-dissolve-out-of-pure-social-discomfort, was hugging Ted.

“Look, Ted,” said Paul in the voice of someone not well-versed in the art of reassurance which, hey, neither is Ted, “Sure, you used to be a disgusting sleazeball that we all tried to avoid.”

“But,” He raised his voice to be heard over Charlotte and Bill’s groaning, “You’ve changed. And we can see that you’ve put actual effort into changing. We honest to God like you Ted, you’re our friend! Hell, would we have done all this for you if you weren’t?”

Paul gestured at the room and Ted looked at the balloons scattered around, at the cake on the table and the three wrapped presents sitting on the couch.

Huh.

“No,” Ted said slowly, still trying to wrap his head around the concept, “You definitely wouldn’t.”

“Exactly! Now, why don’t you say we— What was that?”

The squeeze Paul had given to his side that Ted was sure was supposed to be reassuring had the unfortunate side effect of making Ted nearly jump out of his own damn skin. Of course, it was just his luck that the Spankoffski charm had come with a large dose of the Spankoffski super-fucking-ticklish.

“Nothing!”

He could feel Charlotte grinning against his chest as Bill tightened his hold, effectively eliminating all possible escape routes.

“That didn’t sound like nothing,” Charlotte said, mischief colouring her voice, “You should try that again, Paul! See if we can give Ted some good old-fashioned birthday cheer!”

At that, Ted actually started to put up a fight, if pretty half-assed.

“No! I’m already cheerful so that’s not necessARY— Pahahahaul nononono shihihihit!”

Laughter tumbled from his lips, echoed by the people surrounding him as he tried and failed to escape.

Paul’s voice rose above the noise in utter disbelief, “Are you telling me that you, the guy who can’t get enough of bugging everyone else, are ticklish?! We could have been using this against you for years!”

“No I’m nohohohot!”

Ted was going to go crazy. Paul’s hand had moved up to his ribs and was now prodding at the bones and wiggling between them, making Ted’s laughter pitch up into childlike giggles much to the delight of his tormentors.

“Are you suuurrrreee?” Charlotte asked, giving a quick scribble to his spine and laughing ecstatically at the snort that elicited.

“Yeah, Ted!” Bill chimed in, “You seem pretty ticklish to me! But, if you’re not, then you won’t mind if we stay here a little longer. It is your birthday, after all, gotta make sure that you feel loved and appreciated!”

Paul leaned in close enough that Ted was grateful that the red in his cheeks could be explained away as he said, “All you have to do to make this stop is just admit that you’re ticklish. Is that really so hard?”

He lightened his touch enough to let Ted catch his breath a bit and give him a chance to tap out if he wanted to.

But Ted Spankoffski is a man of honour and dignity and he WILL NOT GIVE IN!

“Go fuhuhuck yourself, Paul!”

Any fire in his words was snuffed out by the lingering giggles, but Paul still gasped, playfully affronted in a way that Ted’s never seen, but knows can’t be good.

“Well,” Paul says simply, “You asked for it.”

And Ted was thrown back into laughter as Paul’s hands dug back into his ribs, aided by the occasional pokes and scribbles from Bill and Charlotte who seemed mostly content to hold him in place and let Paul do all the work.

“PAUL!” Paul had vibrated his hand into the soft space just below Ted’s lowest ribs and, yeah, this is how he was going to die, “Paulpaulpaul plehehehease! I’ll sahahay it! I cahahahan’t!”

“You can’t say it?” Oh that little shit, “I’m sure I can help you out there.”

“No! I’m ticklish! I’m tihihihihicklish! Now please let me gohohohoho!”

With that proclamation of defeat, they all unwound themselves from around Ted, and he did his best to not miss the warm pressure as they guided him to his ratty old couch, unstable legs nearly giving out on him before he collapsed on the worn cushions.

As he sat there catching his breath while Paul settled down next to him and Bill and Charlotte started fiddling with the candles on his cake, a thought suddenly occurred to him.

“How the fuck did you guys get into my apartment?”

They all laughed as Paul said, “Peter gave me his key. Told us to not fuck this up.” His voice slid into something a little more fond, “You’ve got a good kid on your hands, Ted.”

“Yeah,” Ted said, the grin on his face more than just the remnants of his ordeal, “I really do.”

Suddenly, Bill and Charlotte were bringing the cake towards him in all its fiery glory.

“Alright sleazeball, make a wish.”

Normally, Ted would hate being called that by someone other than himself, but Charlotte said it with such fondness that he really couldn’t bring himself to mind.

He thinks for a moment, then takes in a big breath and blows out all the candles in one fell swoop.

After the cheering died down, Bill asked, “What did you wish for?”

Ted just gave him his signature grin and said, “I can’t tell you, Billy. It wouldn’t come true!”

The rest of the day flew by, filled with laughter and games and only a few drinks. Looks like the birthday curse is broken, because this one had been pretty damn perfect.

I wish that all of my birthdays could be the same as this one, minus the first half, surrounded by my friends who just want to see me smile.