#i hope it's okay to post this i just wanted it on my blog

[depravitycentral]

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[torturedtypewritersdept]

proclivity - pt. six - motion sickness

✯ pairing:

ex!bff!rafe cameron x diabetic!kook!fem!reader

✯ summary:

at one point in time rafe was your best friend. can summer romance erase all the damage he's done?

✯ [7k]warnings:

mature themes, mentions of anxiety, nostalgia, heartbreak, diabetes lingo, injury, ghosting, fluff and fear, domestic violence (not rafe), mean!ex!jj etc.

✯ a/n:

nothing!! please don't engage if you have a hard time with any of these topics <3 this was originally posted on my old blog @/illicitfixations, @/lovelornanonymity and i have rewritten + reshared it here :) trying out a new format with this post, hope you like it!

You laid with Rafe on that white fleece blanket for what felt like hours. You nuzzled your face deeper into his chest, as you recounted some more of the trauma that you had experienced at the hands of JJ, listening to the constant beat of Rafe’s heart. You knew that when that sound ever stopped that you’d cease to exist. Rafe's phone rang loudly, bringing you out of your conversation and he dug through the pocket of his khaki shorts glancing at the screen - it was Topper. As he answered the phone, he gave you a knowing look, letting you know that the conversation wasn’t over. You made a mental note that you were going to have to have a chat with Top about calling at the most inconvenient times. Rafe rolled his eyes but drug his large finger across the screen to answer the facetime call. 

“What is it, Top?” 

Rafe questioned, rolling his eyes. 

“That’s no way to greet your best friend, jackass.” 

Topper quipped, a smile on his lips.

“Well, I’m a little busy right now.” 

Rafe replied, moving the camera to show you laid on his chest on the beach.

“Shit, my bad. Have you taken her to pound town yet?”

Rafe grimaced, Topper must've thought you were asleep because there was no way he’d say that with you conscious. 

“No, he hasn’t.” 

You whispered out, looking up at Rafe with sad eyes and he swallowed thickly. At Topper’s words, you wondered if that’s all this was, some sick ploy to sleep with you or to break your heart on purpose. Realization of the fact that you just shared some of your most vulnerable parts with him made your stomach sink, but you quickly pushed it down. 

“Hey, shit. I’m sorry Y/n, I was just messing with Rafe. He really likes you.” 

Topper spoke with a tone so genuine you decided to relax a little. 

“I think I got that top, thanks for the info.” 

You quipped, bringing light-hearted energy back to the conversation. Though, you knew you’d have to talk to Rafe about what he said in private. 

“Anyways, losers. There’s a party at my house tonight. I expect to see you two there.” 

Topper urged. 

“We might make an appearance. We’re spending time together though so probably not.” 

Your heart leapt at his words, he was willing to give up a party to spend time with you. Who was this new and improved version of Rafe Cameron? 

“Well spend time together at this party.” 

Topper urged again, stronger this time. 

“We’ll think about it, bye Top.” 

Rafe’s tone was gruff and annoyed. Topper was still talking but Rafe hung up the phone not wanting to hear anything else he had to say. 

“We can go if you want to, Rafael.” 

You spoke sweetly, giving him a smile, as he hung up the phone. 

“Are you sure, angel? This is our day, we don’t have to.” 

He reassured you, placing a hand on your thigh and giving it a gentle squeeze. 

“Yeah, it’ll be nice to spend time with the boys, it’s okay.” 

Your cheerful, radiant smile sent a shiver down his spine. When you gave him that smile, he knew he’d do anything and everything to make you happy until he breathed his last breath. You were such a ball of sunshine, his sunshine, that’s all Rafe could manage to think as he smiled at you, thankful for your kind, free-spirited, go with the flow nature. He almost couldn’t believe all you had gone through, he didn’t truly want to believe it. It hurt him to think of JJ’s hands on you, hurting you. 

Truth be told, Rafe didn’t need to go to this party, he didn’t even want to. But, you saying that he could meant a lot to him and it meant even more that you’d be there with him, on his arm. You laid with him for a bit longer, watching as the sun went completely down, the light pink and orange hues turning to the black of night before you began packing up the remnants of your picnic and headed to the truck, your hand in his. 

-

It was ten o'clock when you made it to Topper’s house and you felt yourself wanting to let loose a bit. As Rafe made his way around the island of the kitchen, he poured himself some tequila in a red solo cup and asked Topper what he had for you to drink. 

“Top, what do you have that y/n can drink?” 

Topper’s eyes looked like they were going to fall out of his head. 

“Shit! I’m so sorry, y/n. I didn’t pick anything up for you.” 

He placed his head in his hands. 

“It’s okay, Top. I can have a drink or two. It’s no big deal.” 

You shrugged your shoulders and your eyes met Rafe’s. He was angry. How could Top be such an idiot, he thought. How could he ask you to come and not think of you when buying beverages? You could tell the thought of alcohol being in your bloodstream made him uneasy. 

“There’s insulin in the truck, okay? You tell me if you start to feel weird.” 

He reassuringly rubbed his hands up and down your arms and craned his head down where you could reach him. Standing at six foot four, he towered over. He could see the lust present in your eyes and when he leaned in close enough, you locked your lips with his. The kiss was passionate and slow and it felt like everything in the room had disappeared, like it was just the two of you standing there. Then you heard the voice of your abuser. You pulled away and gave Rafe scared eyes as you surveyed the room, looking for where his voice was coming from. He knew what was happening, the fear that you displayed and the voice he had grown to hate told him what was wrong. He didn’t need to ask. 

“Hey, angel. Look at me. It’s okay. Need you to promise you’ll tell me if you start feeling bad before I get you a beer, okay?” 

“I promise I will.” 

You replied, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. He took you out of the kitchen and led you outside to the bonfire where Topper and Kelce stood, in hopes that getting you away from JJ would be enough to calm you. It was - you knew you were safe in the presence of Rafael, let alone of all three of them. Rafe stepped away for only a moment, grabbing you a beer from the cooler, and popping it open before handing it to you. The coolness of the bottle sent a shock through your arm. He made his way back behind you and you leaned up against him, his hands on your hips. You took a sip of the beer in your hands and leaned your head back against Rafe’s pectoral muscles, craning your neck to the side as he leaned down and peppered kisses to the exposed skin. You were entering bliss when you heard the all too eerily familiar voice of JJ Maybank. 

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?”

He taunted and Rafe’s eyes shot to his, the grip he had on your waist tightening in protection. Rafe scoffed, not wanting to give JJ the time of day or put you in harm's way by starting a fight. 

“You like my sloppy seconds, Rafael? Tell me, how does she taste?” 

“Don’t you dare call him that, JJ.” 

You spat. Rafael was his name so anyone could really use it. But not JJ. He didn’t know Rafe well enough to even use the nickname his parents had given him, let alone the name you used as a term of endearment. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know? There’s no sloppy seconds, when you never had someone to begin with, Maybank.” 

Rafe retorted, his voice sinister, begging JJ to egg him on. 

“Sweetheart, tell your boyfriend to watch his mouth or I'll put a matching scar on the other cheek.” 

He grinned cheekily and Rafe grabbed you by the shoulders, moving you out of his path as he stalked toward JJ. Topper and Kelce stood, chests puffed out at his remark, confused about what he meant but the promise of a threat towards you putting them in a mode of protection. 

“What the fuck did you say?!” 

Rafe growled in his direction. 

“I said, It’d be a real shame if I had to put another scar on her pretty little face because you don’t know how to behave, wouldn’t it?” 

The crunch of Rafe’s fist hitting JJ’s jaw echoed across the beach, as the blonde flew back under the weight of his right hook. Rafe moved swiftly toward JJ, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, landing not one, not two, but three more blows to his cheek. 

“You’re not ever gonna touch her again!” 

Rafe screamed as his fists relentlessly wailed into the side of JJ’s head, blood splattered up and landed underneath Rafe’s eye.

“I wouldn’t be so sure, Cameron. I’ll touch her whenever and however I want to.” 

He coughed out, JJ was a cocky bastard who didn’t know when to shut the fuck up, even when he was being pummelled into the ground. At his remark, Rafe hit him so hard that he thought he was dead for a second. 

“You had enough, Maybank?” 

Rafe asked as he drew back from JJ, still holding him by the collar of his shirt.

“Not even close.” 

He grunted out before spitting in Rafe’s face, Rafe’s hands released JJ in an attempt to get the saliva off of his face. He was disgusted like anyone would have been. JJ took the opportunity and lunged on top of Rafe, pinning him to the ground, and laying a hit on Rafe’s cheek. You and Topper made your way to them quickly, no longer being onlookers. Topper pulled JJ off of Rafe from behind. JJ was too fast though and wiggled out of Topper’s grasp by the time Rafe was back to his feet. You quickly inserted your body in between them, thinking that was a sure-fire way to stop the fight. It wasn’t. Before you knew it, you looked in JJ’s direction out of the corner of your eye and his fist collided with your nose at full force. Shock littered Rafe’s face and anger infiltrated every fiber of his being. 

“Told you I’d touch her how I wanted to.” 

JJ remarked, a sinister smirk residing on his face. It was one thing to hear your first-hand account of JJ’s abuse but it was another to watch him put his hands on you, accidental or not, and Rafe went absolutely feral. 

“Topper, Kelce, get her out of here!” 

Rafe yelled, taking in your shaking, crying form, as your hands covered your face. Topper did as he was told, lifting you bridal style and taking you back towards the house, sitting you on the steps, instructing people to move out of the way before kneeling in front of you. Kelce followed shortly behind.

“Y/N, are you alright?” 

Topper questioned softly, grabbing your knee, and squeezing it to give you some reassurance. You continued crying. 

“Come on, pretty girl, let me see it.” 

“N-no, T-top.” 

You choked out. 

“I need to look at it, y/n.” 

“N-no.” 

You continued to sob uncontrollably. Topper made his way behind you, taking a seat and placing you in between his legs. 

“It’s okay. Rafe’s gonna be here soon, it’s gonna be fine.” 

He whispered into your hairline and squeezed you tightly into a hug. Kelce knelt down in front of you, slowly coaxing you to pry your hands away from your face. When you did, the shock that both boys felt at the sight of your nose was enough to send them reeling. Topper looked at Kelce, his eyes laced with venom and specific instructions and Kelce knew exactly what it meant. He needed to go to Rafe. He nodded his head reassuringly, placing a kiss on your cheek before stalking toward the bonfire where the fight had originated. When Kelce made it back down to where Rafe was, he held off on approaching him fully and instead watched as Rafe stalked toward the offender, hitting him so hard that he knew JJ Maybank was barely conscious. Truth be told, he wanted his best friend to pummel him into the sand, he wanted him to suffer, to be laying in a hospital bed for what he had done to you and Kelce would make sure that whether it was Rafe or not, that’s what was going to happen. He continued to look on at the scene, Rafe punching JJ over and over again. Blow after violent blow landing on JJ’s face, stomach, and chest. He deserved it, Kelce knew that, but what he didn’t expect was Rafe to continue the blows, with seemingly no end in sight. He began to wonder if Rafe could stop if he could control himself enough to be able to. He should’ve expected it because Rafe Cameron had been in love with you since pre-school and anyone who dared to try and hurt you or take you away from him was sure to pay a hefty price. Kelce had paid his the summer before eighth grade when he made a comment about your ever-growing breasts. Rafe had bruised his ribs and his ego for talking about you in such a vulgar way, especially in front of him. 

Kelce was brought out of his thoughts and began to make his way toward Rafe when he looked on and saw Rafe pinning JJ’s right arm behind his back, preparing to snap the bone in half if that’s what it took to send the message to the Pogue to stay the fuck away from his girl. 

“Rafael!” 

Kelce yelled at him, which got his attention immediately. The boys did not use his full name. Rafe looked in his direction with bewildered eyes. 

“I’m a little fucking busy, Kelceo.” 

He spat. 

“I get that, but you need to get up here and check on her. I think he broke her nose. Besides, she doesn’t need to watch you be an animal, Rafe. You’re not that guy anymore.” 

Rafe swallowed the words of his friend and gingerly nodded, realization hit him, Kelce was right. He threw JJ to the ground, knowing that for the first time in his fucking life Kelce wasn’t saying some dumbass remark, he wasn’t being an asshole or a bully, he was doing the right thing and currently, the right thing was keeping his best friend out of prison for murder. Instead, keeping him where he belonged, with you.  

Rafe’s tall figure quickly stalked towards you, fear in his eyes. Your hands covered your face as the blood pooled from your nose. The crunch of the bone could be felt with every nerve ending that inhabited your body. He kneeled in front of you on the balls of his feet, hands hovering over your figure, afraid to touch you in fear of hurting you worse.

“Baby, I need you to talk to me. How bad are you hurt?” 

“R-Rafael…”

You whimpered violently, your hands clutching to your face, blood pooling down past your chin. 

“Come on baby girl, let me see your face. I need to look to fix it.” 

He spoke sweetly and you trusted his every word. Slowly lifting your hands away from your face, your eyes met Rafe’s worrying form. You winced at the lack of pressure on your wound and fought to get your hands back to it. Before you could complete the movement, Rafe grabbed you by the wrists. He took in the already forming bruises under your eyes and the way the bridge of your nose now sat at a bend that protruded out to the left side. 

“Okay, baby. It’s okay. You look so pretty. But I think your nose is broken so I need to take you to the hospital, okay?” 

“I-, I don’t wanna go, Rafe.” 

You choked out a sob, whimpering into his chest, as he pulled you in. Blood soaked the shirt he was wearing but he didn’t care. You needed to be held and that’s what he was going to do. 

“I know baby, but I just want to get you checked out, okay? We gotta make sure you're alright.” 

You nodded, giving him permission. Which you were thankful he waited for and you felt his strong arms lift you up, carrying you bridal style, your head resting against his chest, listening to his heartbeat and the scrunch of his button-down moving up and down with each step he took. 

“I’m sorry, Rafael.” 

“Shh. Nothing to be sorry about, angel.” 

He cooed, placing a kiss on your hairline. 

“I’m getting blood all over your shirt.” 

“It’s okay, you can always buy me a new one.” 

He quipped, making you giggle, and even though it made you wince, you were thankful it was laughter created by him. You were brought out of your thoughts as Rafe finally came up on his truck. You marveled at how he opened the door, with such ease, not even shifting you in his arms to readjust. He was so strong and you loved it. He placed you into the passenger seat, buckling you in and reaching into the center console from which he retrieved a box of baby wipes. He had started keeping them in his truck after the first nosebleed he got during football practice and it had been a lifesaver ever since. Today, they’d be used for his girl and while that made him cringe, he was thankful he had them on hand. He slowly pulled them out of the container and stilled his hands, not wanting to spook you. 

“Okay, sweet girl, I’m going to clean your face up, alright?” 

You hummed in response, talking made it hurt worse and Rafe knew that so he didn’t probe you any further. Once he had your permission, he gently brought the wipes up to your nose and chin, wiping the blood off of your face as he stood between the passenger side door and the seat you occupied. You winced in pain at the feeling of the cold wipes against your bruised flesh. 

“I know baby, I know it hurts, I’m so sorry.” 

“s’okay Rafey.” 

You muttered. 

“There we go, my pretty girl is all cleaned up, no more blood.” 

He gave you that classic, bright, panty-dropping Rafe Cameron smile and pecked your lips lightly, careful not to touch your nose, but wanting to give you some sort of reassurance that you were safe. You gave him a forced smile and he closed your door, making his way to the driver's side, hopping in and starting the truck. He gave your thigh a reassuring squeeze before pulling off, heading toward St. Olive’s emergency department. 

- 

After hours of x-rays and CT scans and waiting, the doctor had confirmed yours and Rafe’s worst fears, you had a displaced nasal fracture, which meant they had to pop it back into place. Rafe knew the procedure would be painful, he had dislocated his shoulder before, and when it was popped back into place he screamed like a girl. The memory was enough to make him shudder and the fact that his sweet angel had to deal with that level of pain made him want to cry. He held your hand when a doctor and a nurse brought in long silver tools that looked like medieval torture devices. When your fear-stricken eyes met him, he almost collapsed. Rafe stayed up by your head, sitting on a stool beside you, stroking your hair as you lay flat on the bed. The anticipation of the pain you were about to feel took over all of your senses. You genuinely just wanted them to get it the fuck over with. They injected you with numbing medication first and then quickly got to work, inserting the tools up your nose and pressing hard against the bone. The crunch made Rafe feel sick and it made him feel even worse when he looked down at you and saw the tears running down your face. He placed a kiss on your forehead and continued running his fingers through your hair, while the doctors applied the splint to your nose. After the conclusion of the procedure, you were released from the hospital back into Rafe’s care. Luckily, you slept most of the way home from the pain medicine they had given you before your departure. As you and Rafe quietly made your way into the house, you were met with the unexpected - Ward. His voice bellowed through the thick air of the foyer and the lights flickered on. He was angry and you couldn’t blame him. He was just being a good dad, a good person. 

“Rafael Joseph Cameron! What were you two doing out so late?! I’m supposed to take care of her while her parents are out of town. How in the fucking world can I do that if you are gone all hours of the night?! Huh?!” 

“Sorry, Dad-” 

Rafe stuttered, Ward’s wrath was the only thing in the world that he seemed to be afraid of.

“It’s my fault.” 

You spoke, your voice soft and tender, which took Ward away from his anger just enough to voice his concern. He noticed the pained expression you displayed as you moved the ice away from your face and revealed the cast that sat on your nose. 

“What the fuck happened?!” 

Ward questioned, moving closer to you, hands out in search of your cheeks. You winced away from his touch and Rafe grabbed his wrists. 

“Dad, don’t touch it. Her nose is broken, they had to pop it back in place. She’s in a lot of pain.” 

Rafe all but barked at his father, his mind associating him as a threat. Ward’s eyes softened. 

“Sweetheart, how did this happen?” 

His voice was no longer bellowing through the halls of the mansion, it was soft, caring, and kind. It reminded you of Rafe, which was odd considering you were almost sure all of the good qualities in him came from his late mother, Kate. 

“Rafe was defending me at a party and the guy had him pinned down. I got in the middle and the guy hit me.” 

“Son, is this true? Why were you fighting? You know my rules about fighting.” 

Ward’s tone was still soft, but disappointment laced his voice. You knew his rules about fighting. Rafe wasn’t allowed to fight unless he was on the brink of death or he was protecting someone else. Ward was very strict about that and always had been. Though most of the tomfoolery and fights Rafe had been in over the years Ward was unaware of. 

“It was her ex. He’s hurt her before and he said something smart. I just lost it, Dad.” 

Rafe looked down, waiting for Ward’s wrath and disappointment. He lifted his son’s chin, so his eyes could meet his and placed his hand on his cheek. 

“I’m not mad, Rafael. I’m just glad you both protected each other tonight. Now, go upstairs, get some rest and we will talk in the morning.” 

Ward instructed and the two of you quickly obliged, heading for the staircase. Rafe led you with an outstretched hand that you clung to until you made it to the bedroom. 

“You want me to run you a bath, baby?” 

“I’d love that, Rafael. Thank you, sweet boy.”

You smiled as best you could, any movement hurting the newly broken part of your face. Rafe momentarily stepped out and into the bathroom, leaving his robe on the bed for you to change into. He wanted to make sure you were comfortable and as much as he wanted to gawk at your beautiful body, he knew now wasn’t the time and when the time came, it would be special. You quickly undressed, wrapping the robe around you. It was white and fluffy and warm, like a fleece blanket. The best part about it was the intoxicating smell of Rafe that lingered in every fiber. You made your way to the bathroom, walking into Rafe being bent over the side, hands dipped in the water to make sure it was just the right temperature. You stood there in the doorway, gawking at the way his bicep contracted as he leaned over the edge of the tub, pouring the bubbles in. Everything about him turned you on, even the way he was blissfully unaware of your presence. You cleared your throat and he turned his neck to look in your direction, arms still outstretched, muscles contracting, as his body leaned over the bath he was preparing for you. 

“Hey, pretty girl.” 

His sweet smile made your knees weak. How could he think you were pretty right now? ‘It’s just a nickname, he doesn't mean it’, you thought. 

“Hi.”

You spoke timidly, making your way into the bathroom and sitting on the lid of the toilet seat. You continued watching him as he finished up, turning the water off, and moving his body toward you.

“Are you ready to get in angel?” 

He asks, squatting in front of you, holding your hands in his. 

“Yeah, I’d like that.” 

You sheepishly smiled, looking into his bright baby blues. He gently pulled you to your feet, holding your hands in his. 

“Let me step out so you can undress, baby.” 

“No.” 

You all but yelled at him, but quickly composed yourself. You wanted him to see you, to see all of you. 

“No?” 

He looked confused and it made you giggle. 

“It’s okay, Rafael. You’ve seen me in a bathing suit, this is no different.” 

You played it off, knowing it was indeed very different. You were about to be naked in front of the boy you had been in love with for your entire life. It was very fucking different. 

“It’s very different, sweetheart.” 

He replied, emphasis on the ‘very’. 

“It’s okay.” 

You reassure him with a smile and before he can protest, you drop the robe from your shoulders. He shuddered as it hit the floor and his eyes were invaded with the sight of you - your breasts, plump and beautiful, sitting pretty in front of him, begging, screaming, crying for him to touch them. You watched him swallow thickly and stepped closer to him, eyes boring holes into his. 

“Do you like what you see, Rafael?” 

You questioned, your lips turning upward into a devilish smirk. You knew what the fuck you were doing. Though you weren’t sure how you had never even been naked in front of JJ. This just felt so different, so easy. 

“You have no idea how much.” 

He replied simply, trying to keep his voice even. He took your hand again, helping you lower yourself into the bubbles and once you were seated he went to exit the room, so you could have time to relax after having such a hard day. 

“Rafael, where are you going?” 

“I just thought you’d want time to relax baby.” 

“Well, it’s hard to relax without you, ya know?” 

You playfully rolled your eyes as you joked. 

“So, you want me to sit with you, baby?” 

He was anxious for your answer, not truly knowing what you wanted from him at this moment - casual sex, intimacy, or both. 

“I want you to get in with me, sweet boy. Just hold me for a little while.” 

His lips turned up into a smile and he quickly stripped himself of his clothes, placing one foot into the tub and sitting behind you. He spread his legs, pulling you back into him and you laid your head on his chest. 

“How’s that, pretty girl? Is this what you wanted?” 

He smirked into a chuckle but as much as you wanted to laugh you heard that stupid nickname again and it made you cringe. 

“Don’t call me that, I’m not that.” 

Your voice was weak and feeble. He was taken aback by your declaration because you were that. You were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. 

“Do you not like it at all or just right now?” 

You almost cried at the sweet question and how well he knew you, how in tune he was with your feelings. 

“Just right now, I think. I just don’t feel very pretty right now.” 

“I know, baby. But, nothing has changed. It’s just a broken bone, it’ll heal.” 

“Yeah, I know. I’m just worried, ya know. I mean, what if when it heals, I don’t look the same or you don’t like me anymore?”

“Baby, you gotta slow down, okay? Just breathe. You are the most beautiful person in the world, inside and out, even when you’re hurt. That’s never going to change. I’m never going to not love you.” 

“Y-you love me?” 

“I do. I sort of always have.” 

He replied boldly. You couldn’t believe the words you were hearing, he loved you too. After all this time, he loved you too. 

“Is it okay if I clean you up, baby? I’d prefer if you weren’t covered in blood when I tell you that I love you too.” 

You questioned him and a smirk danced across your face. His eyes shot up at the confession laced in the back of the nonchalant nature of such a simple sentence, such a simple question. He was absolutely floored. You loved him too. How long had you loved him too? You took the wash rag in your hands, wringing it out and bringing it up to Rafe’s face, gently wiping the blood away from underneath his eyes, around his mouth, on his cheeks, and in his hairline. You dipped it back into the water, making sure to clean each wound with intent and care, placing a kiss on his nose when you were done. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone take care of me like that.” 

He gruffly spoke, attempting to clear his throat. The way you made him feel was electric, every fiber of his being, every nerve ending, every muscle was on fire for the way you cared for him. 

“Your mom did, I know that for a fact.” 

You spoke sweetly and he smiled, knowing you were exactly right. Kate loved him deeply and cared for him like this. Maybe that’s why he loved you so much, you reminded him so much of her. 

“Let’s go to bed, Rafael. I’m tired.” 

“I know you are baby.” 

He placed a kiss on your temple, taking your hands and helping you stand in the tub, wrapping a towel around your shivering form. He quickly dried off and helped you out of the tub, leading you back into his bedroom. You dried off the best you could and sat on the edge of the bed, the towel wrapped around you beneath your armpits. Rafe was rummaging through his dresser, looking for clothes to wear to bed for the both of you when you ushered him over to you. 

“Rafe, come here.” 

Your voice was soft, but it was coated with desire and longing. He took in your still naked form, thanking whatever Gods were on his side for letting him be here with you, thanking you internally for letting him see you like this. He made his way over to you, following your instructions, and sat on the bed next to you. He was nervous, being naked beside you sent chills down his spine, the water no longer providing any modesty for either of you. He ran his hand up and down his knees repeatedly, seeing him this nervous made you smile. 

“What is it, angel?” 

He questioned, afraid to touch you in fear of making you uncomfortable. 

“Can you just hold me before we put clothes on? I just want to stay like this for a little while.” 

“Is that all, angel? You had me worried for a second. Come here.” 

You let out a soft giggle, removing your towel and crawling onto his lap, straddling him, the tip of his dick brushing up against your core. He bit back a groan and you felt him grow hard beneath you. You knew what the fuck you were doing and you smirked as you laid your head on his chest. He held you there, rubbing soft circles into your back as he fought to gain his composure. Getting his dick wet was the last thing on his mind, even with your antics. He wouldn’t allow his physical desires to fuck this up. He finally had you, finally knew that you loved him and wanted him too and he wanted your first time to be special. He looked down at you at the exact moment that you looked up at him, his eyes locking with yours. You plunged your lips into his, bringing your hands up to his face. His mouth opened slightly, letting you in. Your tongues fell in sync with each other, like they were meant to wrestle against each other for all of eternity and maybe they were. You panted for air, pulling away, moving to place gentle kisses on his collarbones and his broad shoulders. He pulled back, pushing you a bit, creating a barrier between the two of you. You swallowed thickly at the hurt you felt, at the rejection. 

“We should stop.” 

He spoke, his tone even, and it shattered your heart into a million pieces.

“I-i’m sorry. I know I’m not experienced, I know that’s not attractive.” 

Your voice shook with embarrassment and your eyes went to your hands which were no longer holding on to Rafe’s arms and instead were in your lap. You squeezed them together, a habit you only took part in when you were extremely anxious. You cursed yourself, you couldn’t even kiss him right, you couldn’t do anything right. Rafe’s hands cupped both of your cheeks and his blue eyes could see the sadness laced in yours.

“Hey, don’t do that.” 

He spoke softly, continuing to cradle your face in his hands, staring into your eyes so he’d know you heard every word he was about to say. 

“Do what?” 

You asked innocently, unsure of whether he was referring to you kissing him or something else. 

“Don’t go to the bad place in your head. Everything’s okay.” 

You brought your eyes back down to your hands, as he let go of your face, tucking your hair behind your ear. 

“Can you t-tell me w-what I did wrong?” 

Your face became a deepened shade of red and he furrowed his brows in confusion and his eyes softened. 

“Baby, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just-, if we do this when we do this, I want it to be when you’re my girl like officially. I don’t want us to have to guess and I want you to be sure I’m who you want your first time to be with.” 

Your jaw dropped at his confession, at his sweet words. You giggled. 

“Rafael, who did you think I was saving it for? I’ve been your girl since we were seven years old.” 

He leaned in and you followed, letting his lips softly graze yours, breath hitching in your throat at the feeling of him. You felt euphoric as he kissed you with equal parts passion, violence, and gentleness. His hands made their way to your breasts hovering over them a bit too long. He was still afraid to touch you but you needed him to. You growled into his mouth, which sent him into overdrive, all his senses burning for you. 

“Wrap your legs around me, love.” 

He whispered against your lips. You followed his directions and he stood with you in his arms, turning to place you flat on your back on his bed. He knelt in front of the bed, where your legs hung over the edge, and took your left leg into his hands, gently kissing from your ankle up to your thigh. You writhed under his touch, his mouth being mere centimeters from your core. 

“You’re beautiful, y/n. Thank you for letting me touch you like this.” 

He whispered out and you gave him a sheepish smile.

“Are you sure you want this?” 

He asked sweetly, breathing over the space where your thigh and vagina came together in an attempt to tease you. 

“I’m sure.” 

You breathed out, hands wrapping themselves in Rafe’s hair, pulling at the golden brown locks. At the sound of your permission, Rafe began kissing at your entrance, rubbing his thumb over your g spot ever so slowly. You wriggled under his large hands, groaning loudly when the sensation of his lips met your sensitive nub over and over. 

You’re so utterly lost in the kisses, in the way his mouth feels against you that you almost forget to breathe. 

“I’m gonna put a finger in baby, need you to tell me if it hurts, okay?” 

You eagerly nodded and became undone as his finger bottomed out inside of you. Your eyes rolled in the back of your head. 

“How’s that feeling, baby?” 

“S-so g-good.” 

You said, breathlessly. 

“Gonna add another, baby. Tell me if it hurts.” 

You again nodded as quickly as your head would move. He slid in another one of his long fingers, bottoming out inside of you, letting you adjust before beginning to move them back and forth, picking up the pace and curling his fingers as he felt you clench around his hand, reaching your climax. 

“Rafe, I think I have to pee.” 

You spoke sheepishly and he chuckled. 

“That’s not pee, baby. That’s your body telling you that what we’re doing is making you feel good. You’re about to have your first orgasm.” 

He smiled reassuringly and you gingerly nodded, again ashamed at your lack of knowledge and experience. Rafe pulled his fingers out of you and you missed the contact. You let out a tangled whine. 

“It’s okay, baby. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Thank you so much for letting me touch you like this.” 

You smiled at his reassurance, running his fingers through his hair as he placed kisses under your belly button, where your largest pump site scars resided. 

“I love these scars, baby. I love you so much.” 

“I love you, Rafael.” 

With no warning, he plunges his tongue inside of your delicate entrance and you feel yourself clench around him, your stomach knotting up once more and your body chasing the high that he was giving you. You hoped what he said was true and that you weren’t about to pee in his mouth, as the damn was breaking around you and the knot within your stomach busted, releasing every feel-good hormone your body held. All you could see were stars as your vision blackened. You looked to Rafe after a moment, your chest heaving up and down. His pupils were blown, desire lacing them. 

“How was that, beautiful?” 

He questioned, looking up at you with a smirk as he placed kisses over your tummy once more. 

“Let’s do it again, but this time, I want you inside me.” 

You quipped in a serious tone. You needed him to know you were serious and you wanted him, all of him. 

“As you wish, baby. Are you on the pill or do you want me to use a rubber?” 

He asked gently. 

“I’m on the pill, sweet boy. Thank you for asking, but I want to feel every inch of you.” 

He simply nods in response and parts your legs a bit more, throwing your ankles over his shoulders as he positions himself in front of your entrance. You watch him, eagerly waiting for the moment he’s going to be inside of you. He hovers over your face, leaning his forehead against yours. 

“Honey-, listen, this is going to hurt a bit, okay? But I promise it’ll feel better quickly. I need you to talk to me through it, okay? I need to know how you’re feeling the whole time.” 

“Okay, baby. I promise.” 

You smiled brightly up at the gorgeous man hanging his head over you, leaning up to kiss his nose. 

“I’m ready, Rafael.” 

He nodded and kissed you passionately on the lips, moving down the entirety of your jaw and neck before landing on your breasts, grazing them with his tongue. You sharply inhaled at the new sensation. He gently bit down, sucking at your hardened peak. You groaned loudly, letting him know to stop teasing you. 

“Rafe-” 

You all but yelled his name, letting him know he was frustrating you. 

“Patience. Tell me what you need, baby.” 

His voice remained sweet, he sensed your need for him. 

“Put it in, already!” 

You grunted and he let out a belly laugh. 

“Okay, baby. All you had to do was ask.” 

He smiled, lining his tip up with your entrance once more and gently pushing in. Before you could even process what had happened, tears leaked out of the sides of your eyes. He was big, much bigger than you had anticipated. Rafe leaned down, wiping your tears away. 

“Am I hurting you, angel? You can tell me, I won’t be upset.” 

“No, it’s just uncomfortable.” 

He gingerly nodded, knowing what you meant. 

“I know baby, I’m sorry. It’ll be over soon.” 

He gently placed kisses all over your face while he bottomed out and waited for you to adjust to his size. 

“Okay, you can start moving.” 

You spoke, the feeling of his dick sending you into a euphoric state. Nothing has ever made you feel this good in your entire life. Rafe’s pace quickened as he pounded in and out of you. You felt the familiar knot grow in your stomach and threw your head back. 

“How’s it feeling, pretty girl? You’re so pretty like this, baby. Thank you for letting me see you like this.” 

“S-so good, Rafe.” 

He hit you with another hard thrust, scraping against your sweet spot once more.

“Rafe, I’m gonna cum-” 

You gasped. 

“It’s okay, baby. I’m right behind you. Go ahead, angel.” 

He whispered into your hairline as he leaned down, peppering kisses on your collarbones. The new position let him hit your sweet spot and you screamed out as the second wave of pleasure wracked through your body. 

Rafael-, I love you so much.” 

You screamed out as he held you, letting you ride out your orgasm. He kissed your forehead as you came down from your high. He pulled out of you, already missing the warmth.  

“I love you too, sweet girl. Are you mine?” 

“I’m your girl, forever.” 

You breathed out against him, letting him run into the bathroom to grab something to clean up with before cuddling into his chest and falling into a blissful sleep. 

taglist:

as always, if you'd like to be added to or removed from the taglist, please send me an ask or comment on this post so i can keep track!!

@maybankslover @inthelibrarybtw @luvrcndy @silkylovey @yagirlwrites @obxbabygirl @rafeecameronsbitch @klutzy-kay24 @roseczbalt @allsmilesreally7 @akobx

[getvalentined]

Okay so someone is going around on anon "warning" people about me, apparently, which explains a lot.

Reminder that I tag my posts excessively for filtering purposes, I censor character names when I am venting, and my less polite fandom vent posts are not rebloggable because I don't want my own personal frustrations spreading around and harshing other people's squee.

I feel like going around on anon referring to people as "mentally unwell" and insisting they've done horrible things without examples aside from having personal opinions is...much more toxic than the person being disparaged discussing those opinions in their own space.

Anyway. Apparently the wording of this message is partially copied from the blog of someone who blocked me a while back—because a friend of theirs had been harassing me for multiple years, it spread to both my friends and that person's own friends, and I went public with the actual situation so people could be fully informed. Popular people don't have to follow any rules or standards of behavior, unfortunately, so it didn't change anything, but at least it's out there, y'know?

If you got a message like this, I'm sorry for the trouble. I hope you know better, but I can't change anyone's opinions. Obviously.

Fact of the matter is, I am literally just standing here. I will continue to just stand here. Sorry if that's unacceptable to some people, but this Mean Girls bullying bullshit is not how you curate a healthy fandom experience for anyone.

[deezee112]

The worst ending 12 : A Shattered Promise

The worst ending 11 | The worst ending 13

Yandere Kalim Al-Asim x GN!Reader

A/N : Sorry for posting a day late, I was actually busy so the update was late even though no one was waiting.

As I said, I'm running out of ideas, but I'm not giving up!? And the good news is I'm almost done with Jamil's draft yayyyyyy The bad news is my mom is looking at my blog..

Warning : This story contains themes of tragedy , loss , and emotional distress. It explores the bond between a caregiver and a child , ending with an unexpected and heart-wrenching death.

Tags:

@iris-arcadia

If you want me to tag you please tell me.

English is not my first language.

When you first found the boy, he was silent. He didn’t cry or speak, just stared at you with wide, curious eyes. He was small and delicate, with a bright, radiant smile that lit up his face whenever you looked at him. It was that smile that made you heart ache with a desire to protect him.

“ You need a name. ” you murmured, brushing his soft hair back. “ How about…Kalim? ”

He tilted his head, the smile growing wider as though he understood.

“ Yes. ” you said softly, you own lips curling into a smile. “ That’s your name now, Kalim. ”

For the first few days, he didn’t speak a word. He communicated with gestures, pointing at what he wanted or tugging at you sleeve when he needed you attention. you was patient, teaching him slowly how to talk , walk , and understand the world around him.

The first time he spoke, it was your name. “ y/n ” he said, his voice small and hesitant but filled with warmth. Tears welled in you eyes as you hugged him tightly, overwhelmed by pride and love.

Kalim was a bright, cheerful child who could bring life to even the dullest of days. His optimism was infectious, and his laughter filled you small home with joy.

“ Look, y/n! ” he called one morning, holding up a crayon drawing he had made. It was a mess of colors, with two stick figures in the center. “ That’s you and me! ”

You smiled, ruffling his hair. “ It’s beautiful, Kalim. You’re such an artist. ”

He beamed, his cheeks glowing with pride.

Despite his sweetness, Kalim had a stubborn streak. He didn’t like being told no, and he had a way of wearing you down with his persistent optimism.

“ y/n, can we have ice cream for dinner? ” he’d ask, his wide eyes shining with hope.

“ No, Kalim. Ice cream isn’t dinner. ” you reply, trying to stay firm.

“ But why not? Ice cream is the best! ”

“ Because you need real food to grow big and strong. ”

He pout for a moment, then break into a grin. “ Okay, but can we have ice cream after dinner? ”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “ We’ll see. ”

One of Kalim’s favorite places was the park. You had been hesitant to take him at first, worried he wouldn’t fit in with the other children. But to you surprise, he made friends easily, his boundless energy and friendly nature drawing others to him like a magnet.

“ Look at him go. ” you murmured, watching Kalim run around with a group of kids. He was laughing, his face glowing with pure happiness.

From that day on, the park became their weekend ritual. Kalim would spend hours playing on the swings , climbing the jungle gym , and chasing his new friends around. Sometimes, he’d drag you into his games, insisting you join him on the slides or spin him on the merry-go-round.

“ You’re the best, y/n! ” he say, hugging your tightly after a long day of play.

But Kalim’s stubbornness sometimes got the better of him. When he wanted something, he wouldn’t take no for an answer, no matter how gently you tried to explain why it wasn’t possible.

It started like any other weekend. You of them headed to the park, Kalim skipping ahead as he chattered excitedly about what games he wanted to play.

But when you arrived, you noticed the construction signs posted around one of your favorite spots—a small, quiet area where you often sat together to watch the sunset.

“ Kalim, we can’t go over there today. ” you said, pointing to the warning signs. “ It’s not safe. ”

“ But why not? ” he asked, his smile faltering.

“ They’re doing construction,” you explained gently. “ It’s dangerous. ”

Kalim frowned, his stubborn streak kicking in. “ But I want to go there! It’s the best spot in the park! ”

“ No, Kalim. ” you said firmly. “ If you’re stubborn about this, I’ll be very upset. I might even stop loving you for a little while. ”

His eyes widened, and for a moment, you thought he understood. He stayed by you side for the rest of the day, but you could tell he was sulking.

Later, as you were getting ready to leave, you realized Kalim was no longer by you side. Panic surged through your as you looked around, calling his name.

Then you heard it—his laughter, coming from the restricted construction area.

“ Kalim! ” you shouted, running toward the sound. you heart pounded as you spotted him playing near a pile of steel beams, completely unaware of the danger around him.

“ Kalim, get away from there! ” you cried, you voice shaking with fear.

He turned to you, his face lighting up with a smile. “ y/n, look! I found the best spot! ”

Before you could respond, a creaking noise filled the air. your eyes darted upward, and you stomach dropped as you saw one of the steel beams teetering precariously above him.

“ KALIM! ” you screamed, running toward him.

Without thinking, you threw yourself forward, shoving him out of the way just as the beam came crashing down.

The last thing you heard was Kalim’s scream, filled with terror and heartbreak, before everything went black.

When Kalim opened his eyes, he saw you lying beneath the beam, you body still and lifeless. For a moment, he couldn’t comprehend what had happened. Then the realization hit him like a tidal wave.

“ y/n! ” he cried, his voice breaking as he crawled toward you. “ Wake up! Please, wake up! ”

He clung to you lifeless body, sobbing uncontrollably. His cries echoed through the park, drawing the attention of nearby adults who rushed to the scene.

When the paramedics arrived, they had to pry him away from you, his small hands clinging desperately to you clothes.

“ No! Don’t take her! ” he screamed, his voice raw with anguish. “ She’s mine! She promised she’d never leave me! ”

But no amount of pleading could him bring you back.

Kalim never returned to the park after that day. The place that had once been filled with laughter and joy was now a haunting reminder of his loss.

He blamed himself for what happened, replaying you words over and over in his mind. “ If you’re stubborn, I might stop loving you. ”

“ I’m sorry, y/n... ” he would whisper to himself at night, tears streaming down his face. “ I’ll be good now. I promise.. ”

As he grew older, Kalim’s grief twisted into something darker. He became obsessed with the idea of making you proud, of proving that he could be the person you always wanted him to be. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t escape the guilt that consumed him.

In his mind, you was always with him—a ghostly presence that both comforted and tormented him. He lived for you memory, clinging to the hope that, in some way, you could still see him.

And though the world moved on, Kalim remained trapped in the past, his heart forever broken by the loss of the one person he loved more than anything.

[gatheredfates]

I said I was going to do a new drive for the New Year! It's a teensy bit late, but it's the thought that counts.

Hi! My name is Sea, and I like to collect things. 💙

Specifically, as of February this year, I have made it my mission to collect as many resources for the Final Fantasy community as I can; including, but not limited to: Communities, Events, Free Companies, How-To Guides, Lore, Tools and more! I have compiled them into Sea's Community Compendium for FFXIV Creatives, a venture I hope will service as a directory for new and old FFXIV players alike to find places and things they might not otherwise know about, and I'm proud to say that the Compendium has over a hundred individual entries!

...But I want more.

Specifically, as much as this is a call to introduce new people to the Compendium, it is a call for anyone who might know of specific resources/communities that not in the document to take a moment's time out of their day to let me know about them. You can submit specific resources via:

My tumblr dm's.

This handy google form.

Or SEAFLOOR, my support and social community for the Compendium and adjacent projects.

You do not need to be a resource/server owner to submit; there just needs to be a publicly accessible link. ✨

Projects like mine equally cannot survive without the support of the community. If you like what I do, please reblog this post or share it with your friends; post it in your community servers or link it on your social media(s). The more visibility I get, the larger the Compendium becomes and the more likely you are to find a resource or community to suit your needs.

Okay, but really, Is my space suitable for the Compendium? Most of the time, yes! Below the read more is some more information/stipulations. This is all publicly available on the document.

Below are the following things I do not accept on the Compendium:

Personal/Single-Character LFC ads. (Though these get posted to the SEAFLOOR Tumblr Community when I find them!)

Content intended for or can be used for bullying, harassment and OOC gossip. E.g. ‘Secrets’ blogs, receipts, callout posts, etc. This does not include IC tabloid blogs or other ventures used to generate roleplay.

Communities that do not have an RP/writing element (large-scale exempt).

Modding outside of general how-to guides and compendiums of a similar spirit to this. This is for no other reason other than I do not want the document to be drowned in mod-related links.

Anything I find personally distasteful or goes against the spirit of this project.

Common-sense rule applies.

I want to put my community on the Compendium but we have an application process. Is this okay?

Yes! Just note somewhere in your application that's a requirement. The only thing that is mandatory for the Compendium is that you must be open to new members or have a public-facing/accessible facet. There's no point advertising a community if no one can join it in some way!

I want to put my Community on the compendium but I only have x number of members —

Also totally okay! People don't start with large communities. Activity is a must but, whether your server has two or two thousand members, if you're looking for new people to join, I'd love to help you find people.

I want to put my community/resource on the Compendium but I worry its too niche?

Okay, and? If your Eorzean Fishing Alliance has four members but you roleplay every second weekend, I still want to know about it. The same goes for resources; if it's relevant to the game, it'll be useful to someone.

How active does a community need to be?

If you find a community has not been active in about two/three months, send me a message and I'll take a look at it. Communities have ebbs and flows, especially event spaces that may take hiatuses depending on member interest/life events. I'm not strict in my implementation provided a space isn't dead. If a link or anything is broken, contact me asap!

I have [insert a question not stated here]?

No drama! Send me an ask or use the #Compendium channel in my Discord!

[ivorydragoness44]

Bucky Barnes x gn!Reader: Sometimes

Word Count: 588 Warnings/Notes: Established relationship, gender neutral reader, angst (crying), comfort, showering. Summary: The weight of Reader’s world comes in waves of tears when they reach the safety of their home. Crying it all out in the shower to feel better, Bucky arrives and gives further comfort.

~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~

  Home, pretty much your favorite place. Given, there was a lot of reasons behind that, including one specific man. However, at the moment, you were fully engaged with your number one priority. First, actually getting there.

  The closer you became to your desired destination felt reminiscent of a ship following the light from a lighthouse in the middle of a storm. A beacon of hope, safety. Home.

  As you finally stepped through the front door, it was like entering a different world. Leaving behind your day and all that came with it. As was the routine that you some times forced upon yourself. Though you had been sticking to it recently, you had other plans.   Your legs carried you straight through your home. Passing by counters and tables, you dropped, placed, and tossed things to their designated spots along the way. As you neared the bathroom, taking off your shoes and any accessories was your first minor priority.

  “Ugh,” you groaned slightly once you walked into the bathroom. Pushing the door all the way to rest beside the doorframe, you did not want to shut it completely. Firstly, the noise. Secondly, air flow. But at least it gave a sense of you shielding yourself from the outside world.   The quietness of the room soothed your ears. The only sounds breaking the silence was that of you undressing and the rush of the water as you set the temperature.   When the water temperature felt comfortable to you, you stepped in. Though with a flinch and curl of your toes, you adjusted the temperature once more.   Letting the water run over your body and warm your skin, it happened. Words and images piled in your mind. Unwanted, you decided to not only wash off the day, but to relax.   Being tense physically and emotionally was tiring. And as the subtle need and easily accessible tears approached, you allowed it. To cry was such a physically emotional feeling. Relief spread the emotional release. Giving yourself permission to truly feel your emotions. To feel them, and then let them go. But wow did it seem like it was going to take some time.

  Nothing but the sound of water reached your ears. It was helpful, meditative. But what you did not hear entered the bathroom. Bucky, with a smile to his face, walked in quietly.  Initially, he had a cute surprise in mind. Though after hearing a small gasp and sniffle, he quickly changed his plan.

  “Hey.” Bucky’s soft voice was unexpected, but surprisingly did not startle you. Cautiously, he stepped over and hugged you from behind. The water continued to cascade over as he rested his head beside yours.   “Bucky,” you sobbed. You thought you were ending your tear filled event, but the comfort and safety that he gave by just embracing you was immeasurable.   “It’s okay. I’m here,” he said, nuzzling his face beside your ear. “You don’t have to explain yourself or say a word. I’m here.”

  After what felt like minutes, the crying and tears lessened. You sniffled, then frowned. “My nose sounds gross.” Turning around to face him, you both leaned away from the water to look at each other.   Bucky chuckled, his warm hand caressing soothing motions up and down your back. “I think we can handle that. We need to clean up anyway.”   You nodded in agreement. It was kind of the whole reason for you being in there. And as Bucky leaned in and pressed a tender kiss to your forehead, you finally smiled.

~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~

Thank you for reading!

For more of my fanfictions, check out the pinned post on my blog.

[emberdune]

In which history comes alive again

JUNIPER: Dear Lily. All day and all night I thought about writing you this letter, saw it unfold in my mind, and so now that I am here with my paper and my ink it does not seem like a real thing, but like a task one undertakes in a dream. When I am finished I will curl this paper up and tuck it in an acorn shell and throw it through your bedroom window; I dreamed this, too, and did I dream you? Are you real? Are you anything of flesh, do you breathe? Sometimes, when I look out of your mirror at you, I think that I am looking at a piece of my own soul, torn loose and tossed into the world. Not because you belong to me, but because you are familiar and strange at the same time. Lily, you are a person, you are a creature all in your own right – and isn’t that curious? How can something like you have come to be? I want to unpick you, like stitches, to see what makes you run – but I won’t. I will content myself with drawing your name over my wrist-bone to consider how you turn my blood into gold. You were small when I was small. I watched you through the bluestar, through the blazing star. It was my mother warned me against you, but I heard you singing in the cinnamon fern and thought you were beautiful: a thing I could never touch. Like the crest of Orion. Like the farthest Pleiades. You wore erythronium in your hair, like your name; the yellow trout lily. Lily, lily. Sometimes I think I would eat you if I could. There is a witch in a story who ate a girl she loved, and always afterwards when she spoke, flowers fell out of her open mouth. I would swallow you up, and you would be lobelia on my tongue for the rest of my life. This is what they say: it is not uncommon for us to want to eat what we love. But you are uncommon. Every moment we have spent together is a shining stone in the bowl of my skull. I am greedy, and so I take them out and look at them now and then, like a dragon. The day we went to the buried well and threw butterfly weed down into the black water to count our wishes. The first time you stepped out of your dress for me, gold in the sun, yellow and gold. The night I brought you into the hill, when you clung to me like lichen and in the hall your eyes were cups of firelight. The day in the rain, both of us laughing. Dear Lily: my mother taught me many things but she did not teach me this. Where does it come from, the thread that ties us together? Who spun it? What is it composed of, what is its matter? I have half a mind to unpick myself, to find the source; but I won’t. That day in the field of green-and-golds. You said who are you, where did you come from. I said I came from the hill; I am the girl who does not die. You laughed, and I fell in love with you, there. There: I wrote it down, I turned it into ink and made it something tangible (but you could burn this letter and I would still love you, so it must be something beyond matter). See it here in black and white. I love you, girl from the house on the hill, girl with the hair made of sunbeams. I love you, knot in my heart. I love you, hands on my hands, hands on my ribs, mouth on my mouth. I love you, stone in my shoe. I love only you. Only you. Only ever you. Yours always Juniper.

[sainz100]

2024 Hungarian GP | x (edited)

[kyouka-supremacy]

(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

[merlins-strawberriesandroses]

TO be honest. I don’t understand what it means when people say Merlin was Arthur’s bane. Mayhaps I misunderstand but. Arthur was a bit of an assassination magnet (not to mention all those magical creatures and bandits... so many bandits), and Merlin actively prevented Arthur's death for years, which would have occured without him anway in the very first episode. I can see why one might argue that Merlin was just delaying the inevitable, or that he didn't succeed in keeping Arthur safe until Arthur could enact the golden age, but certainly I don’t see how he could have been Arthur’s bane.

Also, it’s implied in the last episode that the golden age does occur, but under Guinevere. Which makes sense as she knew Merlin was the sorcerer and that she was pleased about it (and I recall it was confirmed in interviews), so I also don’t follow the twin train of thought that Merlin was his own bane or even Camelot’s. Camelot was already bane-d(?) under Uther. But partly because of Merlin's steady friendship, Arthur matured into a king who was kinder than his father. He also actively sought magic's aid on multiple occasions, so he knew magic had potential for good (like healing his queen) without Merlin needing to tell him about his magic.

I don't think it's fair to say Camelot's laws on magic remaining relatively static was because no one close to Arthur came out as having magic. There was still much risk in that, and for Merlin a lot at stake, not just his life. A law change was still possible (and almost seemed to be set up that way) without Arthur needing someone he was personally close to having to do the work to humanize it for him (in the sense that the episodes with the druids, the druid boy with Elyan, and the dolma seemed like they were pointing to a law change because Arthur sees the diversity of magic and those who have it).

At worst Merlin’s efforts didn’t change the status quo, but we do have things indicating that they did. And Merlin was not single-mindedly serving Arthur at the expense of everyone else. He saved Camelot as a whole multiple times. He was also very willing to stick out his neck for many others even during the height of his anxiety and agitation in season 5. (Also only being slightly silly when I say this, but he was also THE wingman for Arthur when he was getting with Gwen, so in a way Merlin’s help led to their courting being a success and thus contributed to her being in a great position to change the laws. so personally I give points to Merlin for that). Most of the decisions centering Arthur's safety seemed to stem from the fear that Albion would crumble before it began if Arthur were to die, so he tried his best to prevent that from happening in any way he knew. (Like, when Arthur is dying, Merlin asks "So I failed?" regarding the whole golden age thing, which I think is telling that the prophesy and his role in it was still VERY much at the forefront of Merlin's mind).

And this is a digression but I know people think Merlin should have done more for Camelot, or for folks with magic (like, as a revolutionary or something akin), which I understand but no one reached out to network with him really? It'd require resources, people (always confused why there weren't a whole bunch more folks offering Merlin material/intellectual/emotional support if they thought he should be the one to bring about the golden age. all he was told was that the forseen way it actually happens succesfully is through Arthur), time (I doubt it’d have been much of a ‘quicker’ way necessarily), and incredible planning + foresight if it's meant to be something that works out effectively + long-term. Okay I think I've digressed enough now. This is a whole seperate thought that I don't think I'm gonna do any justice here lol, and I'm already rambling, so I'll stop now :,)

But anyway, in terms of being his own or Arthur’s bane, we know Arthur will return, and we don’t know how Merlin spent his years. His magic can play with time and maybe he learns how to control that, or he could have entered a stasis like in various legends, etc etc etc. And I mean it is tragic on many levels, and it’s sad we didn’t see Arthur’s arc completed, and that Merlin sacrificed so much for a goal that didn't get much acknowledgment by the show at the end, but still. I don’t think Merlin was Arthur’s bane, or Camelot’s, or his own.

[mc-tummy-blur]

And I’ll get you yet

I’ve got to make you mine

Just know I’m not the sinister type

Click for better quality

Check my pinned post to see links on how you can help the people in Palestine

[coyoteclan]

Big TW for pet loss

Hey, clangen tumblr and those who just enjoy the silly cats on this blog. I know it's been a little bit of time since my last update, but unfortunately during the past few months, I have been caring for my closest friend, Comet.

She's been my best friend for 15 whole years, and on February 9th of 2024, I'm sad to say that she has passed. I won't lie when I say that this is one of the hardest posts I've ever made, but I want to continue this blog in her honor. Normally, I have a terrible habit of just letting projects like this slip by me and gather dust; however Comet was meant to play an integral part within the blog to immortalize her, and I refuse to let something meant just for her to go to waste.

I want to thank you all first of all for being such an amazing community. I've genuinely had so much joy come of this blog, and it pains me that I let it go stagnant for as long as I have. There are 568 of you now, which is so extremely wild to me; but I hope that from now on, you can all love Comet as much as I did, even if as a memory.

I hope to return to posting content both here and on my main, @mxssacre , but for now I still need time to grieve and come to terms with the loss of someone that was so incredibly intertwined with everything I've done since I was 9 years old.

Thank you for everything Comet, my heart, my soul, my love.

More of my favorite photos of her beneath the cut.

It's hard to choose favorites out of the thousands of photos I've taken of her over the years, but I hope these do her justice to show what an amazing being she was. I hope you're hunting your toy mice in the stars, Comet.

[liquidstar]

sleepovers save money on hotel rooms while on missions 👍

[mel-loly]

Dont mind me:3

I- Tsu.. You didn't need to... But.. Yeah, uh... Thanks..😅💛

(no pressure, but if you can read the tags, I'd be happy! and that doesn't just apply to tsu but to everyone)

[james-spooky]

this is a test

[inkyclive]

Joshua supremacy 😭😭😭 I’m so soft for him. Just let me be his little princess. He can make all the rules idc

omg he’s so gorgeous and like the thing about him—at least in my opinion/my own personal interpretation—is that while he is genuinely so sweet (almost sickly so at times!) and so kindhearted and so so tender, he is also so used to being served and so used to being the Boss, the undying’s precious phoenix prince, the king of everything, and it comes out in these tiny little wisps and hints in certain interactions; a vaguely bratty comment, a gentle yet vehement assertion, a soft chuckle beneath a gloved hand……..

all of this is to say, i think he’d fucking love to have a partner who lives to serve him and be his precious lil doll (to the point where he may even feel guilty about how much he loves it, because he knows it isn’t necessarily right, but he just can’t help but feel this way about you <3). he wouldn’t push it on you, and he wouldn’t hold you back from doing things you wanted to, either, if he deems them good or beneficial for you—he’d definitely encourage you to do things if they were things you wanted to do/made you happy—but oh, to have a baby who’s syrupy sweet and devotedly doting and hangs on his every word; to have a precious lil princess who gazes up at him as if he’s painted the entire night sky by hand, speckled the stars across the atmosphere and carved out the moon himself; to have a soft sweetheart who clings to him in every way possible, hands curled around his fingers or wrists or biceps when he takes you for a walk in the gardens or when you sit down for a meal (always beside him, never across from him, protocol be damned), who snuggles in his lap or straddles his thighs and nuzzles their sugar-sweet lips against his neck or collarbone or jaw, who obediently never leaves his side unless it is absolutely necessary <33333 that sounds like a perfect dream, a paradise, to him <3