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stillresolved · 10 months ago

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continued from here. / @wellfell

There are always regrets to be carried. Look the past in the eye for long enough, the pile of regrets will not only grow, but most surely like a cup filled to the brim, it will overflow. And Lamon, although he seldom admits it, is overflowing with regrets. If it is not the person who now sleeps comatose in a hospital tucked into one corner of the world, then it is Robin who tells him it’s his fault, it’s his fault, everything has always been and will always be his fault– there are so many that at a certain point, he becomes numb to it all.

Perhaps it is heartless on his end. It’s his fault anyways so how he feels about it is irrelevant.

This one, however, it stings like a bee sting, even if it’s not meant to be accusatory. If Akina wanted to accuse him of something, she would have done so already. Refreshing isn’t the only taste asperity can bring in.

He tears his eyes away from the sea, looking at her. “I didn’t realize you felt that way back then.” I wish you told me, he should say. No, I wish I realized sooner. No point in taking on or shoving off the weight of the past, is there? “I didn’t hate them either; going to them was my best chance at finding you.” Seeing her, to be exact, without hackling on Robin’s hair tightening nerves. No one would think twice about him almost exclusively hanging out with Akina or about Akina not getting in on the action for once if everyone else was already hooking up with someone else or drunk out of their minds. In Robin’s case it was both.

Her hair, long, black and always shining whether it’s immaculately placed or tousled, makes a curtain as both the sea and her confession roars between them. Was this what she’s been thinking about the whole time? Is this what Akina thought about this entire time when she looks at him? No this shouldn’t be surprising in the least. If anything, it’s what he’s known this entire time– what his younger self was too cowardly to confirm himself.

But he’s not that person anymore. And the Lamon of now doesn’t try to shy away from the guilt that accompanies the truth either.

“You’re wrong about that– me not liking to spend time with you.” He says, quietly, unsurely too. Maybe the sea should drown out his voice. It sounds like a bunch of excuses coming from him. “I liked being around you back then, more so than anyone else. I still do. But back then, I just…Robin, she–” He stops himself. No, this isn’t about Robin. Or about what she made him do because at the end of the day, he did it. He lets go of Akina’s hand and tucks the thick matte of her hair behind her ear. “I wasn’t able to decide for myself what I wanted and who I wanted to be around. Robin knew that and made the decision for me. You ended up hurt because of that– my indecision. I ended up hurting you.”

He bows his head. The sea breeze blows between them. His stomach sinks, an anchor dropped into the bottomless waters. “I’m sorry, Akina.”

#wellfell #resurgam ( lamon. )#( interactions. )#interactions ( lamon. )#( verse: cull the shame. )#HAHAHAHAHA *cries*#is this a...confession 👀👀👀#also nassy i know ur birthday was this week #so uh...HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!#i hope it was a good one <3

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hinamie · 5 months ago

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