#i honestly don’t know what to do
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Life is so fucking overwhelming I am losing control over everything
#I honestly don’t know what to do#i feel so drained#and so lost#i can’t do anything#and I just do useless stuff#I feel so stupid
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m very sorry I just desperately need somewhere to vent.
So, I live in my boyfriends house but we split rent, bills, etc so I definitely feel as though I should have a say if his brother comes to stay.
I’ve never gotten along with his brother. He makes me insanely uncomfortable and I have a lot of trauma that I won’t go into right now but you get it. He constantly stares at me in a really unnerving way and he’s an addict and I’ve been in active recovery for about 5 years now so it isn’t easy when he’s wanting to do all his shit around my fucking house.
Anyway, my boyfriend wakes me up at around 7am to tell me he’s going to pick up his brother. I ask him why and he says that his brothers going to be staying here for a few weeks. I literally just blank stared him and asked why he didn’t feel the need to inform me he was staying here when he knows damn well that a. I’m in recovery. And b. How fucking uncomfortable he makes me due to stuff that’s happened in the past.
My boyfriend basically said “Well, it’s my house CJ I can have who I want around here.” And when I asked him about the time my sister needed a place to stay and he point blank said “absolutely not” and he just responded with “you know how I feel about your family” and left to go pick his brother up.
I understand that he is his brother and I don’t know if I’m just being dramatic or whatever but I hate feeling so uncomfortable I can’t even walk around my own house and I’m not allowed to have my family here because he doesn’t like them, but god forbid I don’t want his brother here for once.
I’ve spoken to a few online friends about his behavior in other aspects. Like how he feels about me even having this account, how he’s been in the past and so on. I love him, but I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel trapped.
In addition (TW) it’s been 1 year today since I miscarried so I’m a bit of a mess, and he doesn’t really seem to give a fuck which just makes everything ten times worse. He’s hardly spoken a word to me and I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Anyway I’m sorry for ranting and I will probably delete this later. I just needed to get this off my chest.
#i honestly don’t know what to do#I’m getting really sick of this shit#i changed my life around for him#and he never puts my feelings into consideration
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just found out someone reposted my art on Pinterest
yippee…
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
should i just….. rewatch the wire 🤔
#i honestly don’t know what to do#i just watched the irishman to scratch an itch but it really wasn’t as good as the hype suggested#and all of that for domenick as fat tony…… yah#i‘m this close to simply going through domenick‘s filmography and. watch whatever#idek why i‘m obsessed with him atm. hope that goes away soon#the wire#domenick lombardozzi#shut up kit
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
You’re in my spot, Compton. I need Sgt. Lipton to come check on me. He’s My HBO Husband.
Pls. Or Speirs.
Or Gunny….
Or Nate…. You were there for me last time…
I don’t know. Anything to keep from crying.
I need a fucking hug right now.
I can’t - I can’t go through this again.
#please can a fictional husband just scoop me up in their arms and hold me? let me cry. the safe place in the crook of their neck. please?#im looking at you first sergeant lipton#or Speirs - my boy#-glances over at Gunny or Nate- humvee husbands? please?#band of brothers simper is sad#gk simper is sad#I need Nate fick#or gunny Wynn#for once - not even rays dumb vibes can make me feel better this time#how do I ask to be held when I act like being touched is for weak pussies?#I shouldn’t act so cold and distant towards people#Speirs… take note - in case you’re ever in need of a hug#aight#I honestly don’t know what to do#I’ve never felt so lost - alone - sad#sad is a strange emotion#I go from happy to depressed and quite often bypass anger and sadness#so…I’m lost#all I know is a need a hug
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m honestly not doing too good mentally or financially so yeah
#i honestly don’t know what to do#I legitimately can’t work. I have to manny issues#we’ve got less than $1000#and I’ve got a lot of things going on medically tgg he at stress me the fuck out#I have no idea how much longer I can keep this up#probably will delete later#can’t function in society and live if you can’t work am I right#my partner is the only one working and he’s got alot going on at home too
1 note
·
View note
Text
They got the presidency, the senate, and very likely have the house. We are genuinely so cooked. Does it ever get better?
#I’m so exhausted#this election has been the biggest source of stress for me#and now here we are#I honestly don’t know what to do#I don’t want to live here. I can’t leave though#I honestly am just straight up terrified#like even if I survive these next four years I feel so many people I love and care about will not#like it’s just not worth it#all I want is to have my shit together but nah#yknow what the only solace I have from this is that people who voted for Trump are gonna find out#they fucked around now they’ll likely reach the finding out stage
0 notes
Text
Y’all just ever feel like you have no control over anything in your life and don’t know how to get control back??
0 notes
Text
Recently I was formally diagnosed with bipolar and was told that my manic states were the times I would feel like I was getting better during since I thought I was just deeply depressed. Now aware of that I cannot enjoy what I thought was a little bit of clarity from my horrible mental state.
This has increased my visits with crisis teams and using the suicide hotline and while my friends and family care for me I do not feel like anything is helping as overall I feel numb to everything anyone ever says to me regarding wanting me to be alive.
I do not feel the want to live as much as I don’t feel the want to die. I feel and want nothing out of life so but I want to curl up in a ball and not exist.
0 notes
Text
Savior Au (pt 13 to 15) Finale & explanation
These last 3 pics are a brief explanation, feel free to ask questions
#gravity falls#stanford pines#the book of bill#bill cipher#fiddauthor#fiddleford mcgucket#angst#stanley pines#fiddleauthor#fiddlestan#if you want#comic#fan comic#honestly i don’t know what i wanted to do with this#digital art#fanart#art#full comic#my longest project ever tbh#gravity falls savior au#gravity falls au#gf savior au
905 notes
·
View notes
Text
Cool awesome reminder that you don’t need amazing technical skill to be a good artist/storyteller
#I still compare myself to other people but also like. Damn. What if I don’t need to#That’s literally what working with other people is for . so you can fill in for eachother and make an awesome thing :)#Reminder that Toby Fox is not a skilled visual artist LOL he makes concept art in mspaint#Ik He’s more of a composer / character writer but you know what I mean. He works with other people to bring those ideas to life#You don’t have to be good at everything !!#Txt#art#I say this because rendering pieces of art takes me dozens of hours and it’s literally so much work and I hate it sometimes#Ok then make a simple stylistic choice instead of doing a giant painting !! it will still carry the same or maybe even greater impact#I still want to make awesome giant beautiful pieces of art (illustration) but alas I don’t have infinite energy#I usually only make sketches instead and that doesn’t mean they’re unfinished. Maybe that’s just all they’re meant to be#Until I change my mind at least 🩷#Adhd#Honestly anything that gets your idea across is good enough. Depends on the idea
242 notes
·
View notes
Text
Leo getting hit with a truth curse but instead of forcing him to admit to super sad or worrying things it’s things like “it was me who broke the remote” “I saw Mikey prank Donnie and helped hide it because it’s way funnier if he didn’t know who it was” “I rip my clothes to look more like Raph’s because he’s really cool” “my stripes aren’t even red they’re pink!”
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#plot twist he COULD be admitting angsty stuff but he’s pushing the less oof truths forward instead on purpose#raph: hey leo what do you want for dinner#leo: *about to bare his soul on all his internal torment but pivots* I’m afraid of snakes#(no but fr Leo’s stripes being technically more pink instead of red is cute ngl)#(a very reddish pink to the point that in certain lighting it looks red but at the base they’re p pink)#(i also am very fond of the idea that Leo doesn’t just have questionable taste in fashion he also just loves Raph a lot and looks up to him)#but yeah I think that something like this would be 99% Leo admitting to unimportant things or admitting to how much he values everyone#like they all KNOW Leo loves them and he’s talked them up enough for them to know but it’s different when he’s like#‘I just wanna read my comics with you guys around - it’s my favorite place to be’#or again just random bs that doesn’t REALLY have a lot of weight like#‘I like using my portals to prank random people around the world’#‘I’m worried about being a bad influence on hueso jr’#‘sometimes I kinda wanna see hypno’s plans succeed’#‘it’s been way too long since I found this out and honestly it’s embarrassing but I actually don’t have a di-‘#SORRY COULDNT HELP MYSELF#(<-but did u know that that pink rather than red observation actually ties into this headcanon as well if u know about red eared sliders)
692 notes
·
View notes
Text
Girls I want to cry so bad…… this is really Sukuna….. comforting Uraume and then walking together holding hands….. Sukuna……. Sukuna is doing all that…. And saying he wants try a different path next time, accepting the fact that he lost 😭 this is my jujutsu kaisen
#I somehow don’t see this in a romantic way??#but I could be wrong#I love this Sukuna so much#he did all that for uraume#he was full of love and revenge#I wish we could get a part two but I honestly don’t think that will happen#sukuna#ryomen sukuna#jjk#jjkspoilers#jjk271spoilers#jjk271#jjk ending#this was my entire life I don’t know what to do anymore#jujustu kaisen
226 notes
·
View notes
Text
Alternate timeline where Stanley doesn’t accidentally ruin Ford’s project but he still doesn’t get into Geek Life University bc some kid showed up with a baking soda volcano
#Happens every time I’m telling ya#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#a tale of two stans#Y’all I just thought of smth fucked up#Remember that baby pic where ford was reaching towards the yellow triangle?#What if bill’s always been there#Cuz perpetual motion machines aren’t scientifically possible (think it’s bc entropy or smth to do w/ thermodynamics)#Ford couldn’t have made one—no one can#Either he was scamming them or (if what I said abt bill above is correct) *he* fucked w/ Ford’s machine to make it weird#Bc ford getting into a top school means he has more opportunities which means a better chance of getting the portal built#And then when Ford starts being like “screw your cipher” bill’s like “oh you think you can just *leave* me; I *made* you sixer!”#“I’m the reason you got into that fancy pants college! You honestly think you could’ve built that machine#We may be a team but I’m the mvp—always have been”#Okay I know it’s far-fetched but what is the gf fandom if not full of far-fetched theories (ain’t even a theory really more like an excuse#for angst and also bc of the fact that Ford invented Physics Breaker 5000 was slwsys a sticking point for me FOR SOME REASON)#Like I truly don’t know why that of all things bothers me#I really did just devolve into fanfic in the tags of a shitpost—oh and ig ford got into west cost in that au/version of events#shitpost
318 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think the reason i love eighth doctor stuff so much is that because doctor who didn’t really exist for a lot of it basically every installment is radically different in vibe tone story philosophy interpretation of the show etc etc. every single writer seemed to disagree on what the point of c’rizz was or how much of a dick the doctor should be or in the edas literally what actual colour a real man’s eyes were. but absolutely all of them were united by the belief that paul mcgann was kinda hot and they should torture the doctor about it
#dw#doctor who#yeh i love sprawling universes where the philosophical assumptions of the world become clear under the tension between different#authorial interpretations#also i think its really funny that they put him through just so much shit for basically no reason#across multiple different canons#whenever they don’t know what to do in a big finish audio — idk make him cry??#and this is like. it would be one thing but its doctor who#the vibe shift is so extreme i genuinely can’t explain it to you unless you’ve listened to an audio#that’s honestly made you a bit embarrassed with all the screaming#but like. that’s doctor who. the bbc will put that on their sounds homepage#ykwim?
339 notes
·
View notes
Text
The boy stops in his tracks. “I know you,” he says, tilting his head curiously. He’s not tall, but he’s regal nonetheless, dressed all in white. Something about him makes Leia’s hair stand on end, and although she hides it she feels a stirring in her own chest. I know you like I know my own soul, she thinks wildly, and wonders where it came from. Has she gone insane?
“That’s nice,” she says, and shoots him anyway.
He deflects it in a flash of light, a glowing blue laser sword appearing in his hand like magic. She’s only seen one of those before, and it’s Vader’s. If this boy is anything like Vader, she realizes, she’s in deep shit.
She’s smart enough to know when she’s outmatched. Leia makes the tactical decision to run for her life.
Later, as she’s getting the hell out of there, she wonders why he didn’t try to stop her.
She remembers being young and tugging on her mothers skirts, demanding to know why their guest was so sad. “Does he not like it here?” She’d asked, and then, trembling, because Kenobi always seemed saddest around her. “Is it…because of me?”
“Oh, Leia,” her mother sighed, lifting her into her arms. “It’s not that, I promise.”
“Then what is it?”
“Master Kenobi lost a child under his care, years ago.” Breha’s eyes grew deeper, darker. “It was not his fault, but he blames himself. You remind him of that child, that’s all.”
Leia had quieted at that, contemplative.
The next time she’d seen Master Kenobi, she had given him a hug. He didn’t seem to know what to do with that, so she resolved to give him more of them. “He’s lonely,” she’d told her mother. “No one should be lonely.”
Looking at Obi-Wan Kenobi now, the memory seemed so far away. He’d aged thirty years in the ten it had been.
He looks, Leia thinks with a small twinge of regret, very lonely.
“Leia,” he greets. “It’s been a long time.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Leia sees a glint of white.
Kenobi freezes in his tracks. “Luke?” He whispers, and through the distance Leia can hear it as if he’d been speaking directly into her ear.
Master Kenobi lost a child under his care, her mother whispers in her head. He blames himself.
In an instant, Leia understands everything.
Kenobi is still staring at the boy he’d lost so long ago when Vader cuts him down.
Later, as she’s pacing around on the Falcon to Han muttering darkly about Princesses and supernatural abilities, she rememberers the way the boy collapsed, as if all his strings had been cut. Vader was too occupied with him to even look at her as she shot at him desperately.
Luke. She hates him more than she hates herself.
“They know where you are,” he hisses frantically. “They’re coming for you. You have to run.”
“Wait!” Leia quickly pulls up their sonar. Nothing yet, but it would explain the distant queasiness she’d felt since they’d landed. She tended to trust her gut. “How do you know? How much time do we have?”
“Not important, and not enough,” he says. “I have to go, and so do you. You need to leave yesterday.”
“How do I know I can trust you? I don’t even know who you are.”
He pauses. “Call me Skywalker.”
“That’s not an answer, Skywalker.”
“Yes it is.”
She opens her mouth to argue, but there are faint voices on the other end, drawing nearer.
“Shit,” Skywalker mutters. “I have to go. I’ll be in contact, okay? Don’t ever tell me where you are, or where you’re heading. Vader and Palpatine aren’t shy about reading minds. Just leave as soon as you can, and figure out the rest.”
“But—“
It’s too late. The comm has disconnected.
She stares down at it, disbelieving. How would the Empire know they’re here? Why should she trust a stranger who somehow got her personal comm code?
Gut feeling or not, on paper this was a perfect location. Supplied, armored, and most importantly, extremely well hidden. There was no real reason to think it would possibly be found out.
It’s probably a trap. Almost definitely a trap.
Han sticks his head in the door, a sour look on his face. “Hey Princess, can you tell these idiots—“
She makes a decision then and there.
“We’re leaving.”
“What?”
“We’re evacuating, effective immediately.” She pushes past him, and he follows so close he’s nearly stepping on her heel.
“Why? I think it’s pretty cozy here. Actual sunlight doesn’t hurt, either.”
“Apparently too cozy.” She grabs the first person she sees, a pilot who stares at her with wide eyes. “Emergency evacuation. Spread the word to pack everything you can and leave, I’ll let you know where we’re headed when we’re in orbit.”
He salutes and scurries off.
“Woah, hey now.” Han snatches at her elbow until she turns around to face him. “What’s going on?”
“There’s a new informant. He told me the Empire knows we’re here. They’re coming for us.”
“And you trust this person because…”
“I don’t have a choice,” she snaps. Someone runs past them, holding three packs filled to the brim with rations. “It’s either he’s lying and we’re not in danger, or he’s telling the truth and we’re going to die if we don’t listen. It’s not exactly hard math.”
It could be a trap of course, but he hadn’t suggested any sort of direction or destination to follow, and Leia wasn’t inclined to share. Especially not after his tidbit about Vader and Palpatine reading minds.
He squints at her. “That’s not it.”
“What?”
“I don’t believe you,” he insists. He’s so infuriating. Leia doesn’t know why she hasn’t kicked him out yet.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes you do, and you’re either gonna tell me why, or find a different transport when we head out of here.”
“Who said I was riding on your hunk of junk?” She demands. She actually was planning on going with them, since the Falcon has more than enough room for all the supplies that can’t fit in the other ships and none of the trustworthiness of the other pilots, but Han doesn’t need to know that.
“Well?”
Damn him. Damn him for knowing how to read her. She doesn’t know when she let that happen.
“I feel it,” she admits, defeated. “Something tells me he’s trustworthy. We’ll wait and see if it’s right.”
He studies her. She holds her head high, but inside she’s jittery at the scrutiny. They don’t have time for this.
“Yeah, all right,” Han finally says.
“Really?”
“Yes, really.” He rolls his eyes, like she’s not acting absolutely insane by putting all her trust in a random man she’s never even met. “Now come on, Princess, weren’t you the one who said we had to hurry?”
What is it about this man that makes it impossible to tell whether she wants to punch him or drag him into the nearest supply closet? They don’t have time to find out.
“So there’s good news and bad news.”
“Bad news first,” she demands.
“They know there’s a mole.”
“Shit.” Of course they know, how could they not? She should have been more careful, less obvious about the correlation of their movements with the Empire’s plans. “The good news?”
“They’ve tasked me with hunting down this ‘pathetic rebel spy,’” Skywalker says, humor in his voice. “That should buy me some time.”
Leia can’t quite stop the snort she lets out. “Seriously?”
“Yep. You’re speaking to a professional mole-hunter, here.”
“Well congratulations on the promotion, Skywalker.”
“Thank you,” he says grandly. Then, quieter, “It won’t last, Princess. They’ll find out eventually.”
“I know. Just hang in there, it will be over soon.”
“Will it?” He asks, suddenly sounding very young. She realizes that she has no idea how old he is. She doesn’t know anything about the man who has saved them more times than she cared to admit, and the idea rattles her until they sign off.
Later, she looks up the name Skywalker in their archives. There are a few results, but only one sticks out.
Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight and hero of the Clone Wars. Killed at the hands of Darth Vader. There are gossip articles too, speculations on his relationship with the pregnant Senator Padmé Amidala, who died around the same time Skywalker did. The baby, it seems, died with her.
Unless he didn’t.
It’s ridiculous. It’s impossible. The idea is so ludicrous that Leia almost rejects it entirely.
But it makes sense. By the Maker, it makes sense.
The child of Anakin Skywalker, it seems, would be a powerful Force user indeed. Powerful enough for Kenobi to take the baby and run. Powerful enough for the Emperor to want him for his own gain. Powerful enough to send Vader after Kenobi and take the boy himself.
Maybe even powerful enough to shield his mind from Vader and Palpatine’s intrusions.
Powerful enough to hide the fact that he’s a spy.
Leia sinks into her chair, covering her face as she laughs.
Maybe Luke isn’t so bad after all.
“No, no, no,” she mutters, digging through the smoking wreckage of the TIE fighter. “Don’t be dead, please don’t be dead.”
“Princess…” Han lays a hand on her shoulder that she immediately shrugs off.
“No, he’s not dead. He’s not. Luke!”
A faint cough answers her, and she’s so relieved to hear it she could cry. Behind her, Han starts bellowing for a medic and, “Some damn help here, do you expect us to move all this ourselves?”
“Luke, it’s me,” she sobs. “It’s Leia. You’re at the Rebel Base. You’re safe.”
More coughing, and there’s a worrying rasp to his voice when he says, “You know…my name?”
“I figured it out.”
“Smart.” This time, the coughing is so bad Leia and Han both wince.
“Shit, kid,” Han says, moving another piece of rubble. “Don’t talk. We’re gonna get you out of here, all right?”
“Stand back,” Luke chokes out.
“What?”
“Stand back. Please.”
Han protests, but something in Leia knows they should listen to him. She drags him back, and motions everyone else to fall back with them. They do, albeit reluctantly.
“Clear,” she calls, hoping Luke can hear her.
The TIE explodes.
“Fuck!” Han goes back in, Leia on his heels with the terrifying feeling that she’d just allowed Luke to die, before they both stop in their tracks. Around them, the broken pieces of the TIE are floating.
And curled up in the middle is a man dressed all in white.
“Luke!” She pushes past Han to start dragging him out, and after another moment of staring around them, he helps her.
As soon as they get clear, the pieces fall to the ground with a clatter. Luke falls limp with them.
Han is still looking at the TIE. “Can you do that?” He asks quietly.
Leia pauses her examination of the unconscious man in front of her to glare at him. “Is that what you’re most concerned with right now? Really?”
“Excuse me for asking, Princess!”
“It’s white,” Luke grumbles, pulling at his hospital gown bitterly. “I hate wearing white.”
“Should I be offended?”
He rolls his eyes. “Don’t even. You look great and you know it. I just feel like I never left.”
“Well,” she says gingerly. “I guess it’s a good thing you got sick of it. If we went around in matching outfits all the time, people might think we’re twins.”
He snorts. “Yeah, right.”
#star wars#star wars fanfiction#luke skywalker#han solo#leia organa#imperial luke skywalker#exactly when luke was taken by the empire is totally up to speculation it could honestly be anywhere from newborn to 5#as for why luke has his dad’s blue lightsaber here instead of like a red one or smth- well you see your honor I thought it would be a slay#but also when you think about it for more than 5 seconds you’re like actually yeah that’s sick and twisted of palpatine and vader actually#you’re carrying your fathers most treasured weapon#you don’t know your father once fought the rise of the very empire you stand to inherit with that blade. you don’t know who he defended#you don’t know your father brought about the end of the republic with that same weapon#he killed the younglings with it. he fought his closest companion with it#you’re carrying what was once your fathers most treasured weapon. you are your fathers most treasured weapon#just as your father is a weapon now#also I didn’t make it clear but obi-wan has his ‘strike me down and I become stronger’ moment like he still dies on purpose to cause proble#but when he saw luke he couldn’t look away. he had to see him with living eyes one last time#can u tell I had So Many Thoughts on everyone else’s perspective in this fic too#han is having a constant crisis in the background because 1) force is real 2) princess is annoying AND pretty which sucks for him#in particular and 3) pretty princess is learning to use the force and is hot while doing it. Chewie is laughing at him. life is hell#good lord did not mean to put an entire essay in the tags. i love their super special twin powers (cosmic entity that binds their souls)#edit: GUYS I FORGOT TO NAME THE FUCKING AU#AND WHEN I TRY AND FIX IT IT GLITCHES OUT ON MEEE 😭😭😭
220 notes
·
View notes