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forestdivinity · 8 months ago

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Blitz & the Full Moon Episode & autism

I am once again talking about autistic blitz and just the Full Moon episode and this is a ramble but hh stick with itt?? I have so many thoughttssss but there are Spoilers so don't read if you havent watched the episode yet!

I'm thinking of how Stolas like walks out when he thinks Blitz is rejecting him and how Blitz takes that as a rejection and blows up in return. Like if they'd both just taken a minute to breathe it wouldn't have ended in such a disaster

From what I've seen, Blitz is someone who needs time to process especially in interpersonal relationships, and he's so sensitive to rejection & blames himself as soon as it happens but will self protect by externalising and projecting those feelings onto the person who's hurt him. Not saying this is a healthy mechanism btw!

I feel like if he had time to think past his initial gut reactions he would have been able to at least talk without screaming because we see he can be emotionally vulnerable like when he talks to Fizz in Oops! but rejection and feeling unworthy hit him haaaard, (like Fizz's birthday), and he reacts with anger first to hide how upset he is He's quick to cover up but I don't think he's someone who's that great at reading social situations as he projects himself to be, even with the candle shopkeeper he struggles to describe the mood and vibe hes going for. Blitz projects himself as outwardly confident because it's easier for him to have this facade than admit when he has difficulties in certain situations. In 'Oops' he totally misses Fizz's sarcasm when he's talking about Stolas and their relationship while denying that Stolas could like him. I think this comes from both a place of self-loathing & denial but also him missing that Fizz isn't actually agreeing with him. Emotions & words relating to them dont come easy to Blitz because he's autistic but also he rarely got the kind of support and emotional teaching in childhood he needed from the people around him. Like im sure Tilla tried but we know she was ill and that Cash is a dick who uses this to exploit Blitz (such as forcing him to steal from Stolas as a child) and I think that man has the parenting ability of a teaspoon. He's manipulative and even from a young age teaches Blitz that relationships are transactional (selling Blitz in the first place) which I think was ten times more impactful and traumatising for Blitz as a child seeing how he approaches relationships as an adult and that's even not getting into his self worth issues surround Fizz and the fire and Barbie. And like with Verosika happening… I want to know how old he was when they dated, how long it lasted. She has his name tattooed on her there must have been some emotional connection, but what happened between them to lead to Blitz blowing up again. What was their relationship like. It's said (implied? I don't remember exact words) that Blitz was her bodyguard first so that's another relationship that started out transactional! I think Blitz is emotionally a very immature character and he clings to structured relationships that he can push the boundaries of. Loona is his adopted daughter. Millie and Moxxie are his employees. There's structure and expectations to those relationships and he's the one who pushes for more and tries to develop them. It freaks him out when someone turns the tables because he doesn't have the rules and scripts in his head I think?? Stolas is changing the structure of their relationship and Blitz panics and tries to retreat to what he knows works (sex) which isn't what Stolas wants and we see the aftermath of this! But if what the 'you royals always do this' line implies is true he's been thru at least something similar before and is maybe falling back into old patterns and hurts when he perceives Stolas as rejecting him & his advances (putting his hat on, disparaging the roleplay, and leaving the room). Beyond the class issue and fear of losing his business when Stolas asks for the book back permanently the first spot where things go wrong for their personal relationship is when Blitz goes 'oh this is a roleplay' and I can just see the gears turning of him like just trying to fit this new information into the established framework of their relationship. Sex is comfortable for Blitz, the transactional nature of their relationship is comfortable and scripted and easy (he says this at the start of the episode!) and when pushed out of that comfort zone he panics. We see him panic!

I think part of him probably liked that there were certain expectations and structure to the contract before even if he complained about stolas being horny and like Stolas baby, I know things changed in you but the very start of your relationship is you calling him while he's being shot to like talk about how you want his cock. I love Stolas too don't get me wrong but your whole relationship is based around sex. Blitz has said to you in the past that he feels like he's only used for sex (Ozzie's!) and that's the expectation he has of the relationship. And like we know Stolas has tried to gently reach out especially since Ozzie's but Blitz is autistic doesnt do subtlety, like we can see that in how he treats people around him. He's brash and open and doesn't know how to read a room (like the first CHERUB episode he texts the client that they fucked up because he thinks people can't get angry over texts??) IDK people go on about how Stolas is autistic and yeah I can see that but to me Blitz is the epitome of the 'bad autistic' who is too open, too rough, too liable to blow up and meltdown and react with anger and violence. (MOOD BABYGIRL)

Blitz is terrified of change unless he initiates it and even then he struggles (see him trying to confess to Fizz). And like there's just so much about him that screams autistic to me. Like his meeting with moxxie when they're in jail and moxxie is crying and blitz is like :D HI WANNA BREAK OUT! Blitz doesn't get the social code and I think he's worked so hard to come off as this blasé 'idgaf' person when in reality he doesn't know how he should act in certain situations but it's better if it seems intentional because then people just think he's an asshole instead of a freak. The like 'haha we are laughing together' instead of 'you are laughing at me' (in a bad way). Like just, the whole scene with him trying to tell Jokes in The Circus episode and it falling flat and falling back on his special interest (horse facts!) but the audience finding him just strange vs how they react to Fizz. He decides to adopt Loona but he still struggles with connecting to her and respecting her boundaries as a neglected young adult and treats her more like a younger child in a lot of ways because that's his idea of like the perfect father-daughter bond and he doesn't know how to course correct. Even in Full Moon we see how he like goes overboard in telling Moxxie how he's horny and wants to fuck Stolas and Moxxie is like TMI don't tell me that.

JUST for me Blitz is just so relatable in a lot of ways. He is a person who craves connection but struggles with how to make that meaningfully so he has dropped himself into certain molds to try and fit what people expect of him but even then he does it in the wrong way. He tries to be what he thinks Stolas wants (based on their OG deal and past interactions) by saying oh this a roleplay and its a sex thing but fucks it up because Stolas is asking for change and he doesn't know how to do that especially in a sudden and unexpected situation. And he's someone who is highly competent but struggles so severely with emotional regulation and timing and social contracts and just idk. So so many of my meltdowns ended in screaming because I neeed space and time to emotionally process when something is Happening and if I don't get that (like Stolas assuming things are over and leaving when Blitz is realising Oh This Is Something I Need to Process) my first defense mechanism is to reflect my struggle outwards in anger and Blitz is exactly the same!! And again this isn't healthy but we know Blitz isn't healthy right now (in the trailer he legit says he doesn't want to be like this forever)! And don't get me wrong I know why Stolas threw him out when he started yelling (Stolas has his own PTSD triggers from Stella) but goddd boys you need to sit down and work this out calmly with processing time!! Like sooo many people see Stolas as autistic because he's quiet and socially awkward and nerdy about the things he loves which is a valid interpretation but Blitz is just my CPTSD undiagnosed autistic who has learnt the worst coping mechanisms because he was never allowed anything else and always expects things to turn out badly. Isn't it easier if you're the one to ruin things? At least he knows what to expect!!

Ughghg I have so many more thoughts but this post is already a mile longgg so if you want to yell more about blitz just come into my asks lmaoo

(Btw I love Stolas too and this is not anti stolitz, they are gonna work this out but Blitz is just my scrunklyyy)

#blitzo #blitzo buckzo #helluva boss #full moon #hb full moon #spoilers #hb #stolas #stolitz #stolas goetia #my autistic middle aged traumatised man #he cries and i have a menty b #helluva blitz #blitzø #helluva boss blitz

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nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid · 5 months ago

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The friend finally randomly replied.... with the typical conversation occurring of

Me: *reaches out*

Her: *leaves on read for a few days then replies* I was distant because I thought you should reflect on your actions.

Me: What actions??

Her: The fact you dont even know is why I distanced.

Me: I'm sorry. You didnt tell me something upset you so how would I know? People dont always know something they do or say upsets you. Thats something you have to communicate so we can clear the air/work on it.

Her: Here we are again with you simply not knowing youre wrong. It's all here in our chat.

Me: You. Didnt. Tell. Me. But also it's in the chat? You mean the chat where I told you that you upset me with how you spoke to me? The chat where I bared my heart and mind about having pots and being neurodivergent? About how you treated my medical issues and mental struggles as character flaws instead of what they are, medical conditions? How you spoke to me in a very ableist manner repeatedly when I tried in vain to explain that I wasnt blowing you off xyz times because I didnt care but that because I was having flare ups in symptoms? THAT chat? Because you getting upset that I was honest with you about how you made me feel and why is your problem not mine.

You being a neurotypical, indirect, ableist, holier than thou, MEANIE, is your problem not mine. I was sitting here grieving the loss of a long-time friendship for 2 months because you couldn't be bothered to communicate with me like an adult. I literally do not understand people. I dont understand how you think the way you're treating me is totally okay. I was depressed as fuck but now I'm just more hurt and angry.

Angry that you refuse to accept that someone you were friends with for years decided to confide in you that they were autistic+adhd+pots. Officially verbalizing it. To you. And you just.... shut me out like I was trash. How fucking dare you. How absolutely fucking dare you.

I'm heartbroken, still. Which you don't deserve. I'll miss you terribly. Which you dont deserve. My kids will miss your kids, which is depressing for them as I have a total of 3 mom friends with kiddos their age which is now only 2 I guess. (Not including my new tumblr mom bestie who we havent actually chatted chatted cuz, I'm shy as fuck in the beginning of friendships. But I digress.)

I just.... I'm so hurt. I am so hurt. She doesn't.... even understand how hurtful she is and that's worse. Fucking ironic considering I communicate with her clearly about what upsets me and why and yet it simply doesnt sink in what I'm saying. She simply COULDNT be the reason I'm upset and hurt.

I can't even think anymore right now. This is too much. Honestly I was starting to accept the no contact and her replying with more ableist shit just reopened the wound.

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astral-nautical · 1 year ago

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cant believe i havent seen anyone do this yet but. riptide pokemon au. heres my fucking thoughts

gillion's team is a solid mixture of electric, ice and water types. probably something built for competitive play but i aint that kinda smart so idk. BUT i do know his ace is a gyarados

gil's team was given to him by the elders over the years, and he was trained to be the best pokemon battler of the undersea

despite being told not to, gil is very close with his pokemon. he has a soft spot for all of them and can't Not be empathetic for them. theyre his babies :)

pretzel is a clobbopus. i know theyre not pink but listen. its literally a punching octopus. its also the cutest octopus pokemon LOL

pre-character arc gillion has a one track mind for competition Only. he loves his pokemon but they are also his weapons, in a way

as he spends more time in the oversea he adopts a more relaxed team. theyre still extremely strong and he still has his competitive pokemon but he stops caring about their stats and movepool and starts caring more about their personalities and bonding with them

chip didnt have any pokemon until he joined the black rose, where arlin gifts him an eevee

after the hole in the sea, it's just him and eevee against the world

his eevee refuses to evolve - especially during his time with price's gang, but even afterwards when theyre by themselves on the ocean eevee won't evolve

chip had his heart set on being a water type trainer, like arlin was, so he tries to convince eevee to evolve into a vaporeon. this is a running bit

its also a running bit that the team chip builds are all different types and use different strategies. members of the crew are pokemon btw i think gryffon is a pangoro LOL

his eevee is a little SHIT just in general. has cute privilege and knows it.

when gil is trapped in the dunjon, instead of taking his sword chip starts using his pokemon. he discovers that water types never really were his thing, after all.

its here, where chips at his lowest in a long time, demotivated and thinking of leaving his crew behind, that eevee evolves. into an umbreon - a dark type, but also a friendship evolution.

it evolves to show him that someone does care, that someone does want him around - his oldest friend, his pokemon.

chip learns to use all his pokemon to their greatest ability. i think he would have a bias for fire and dark types, but he becomes a well rounded and skilled pokemon trainer

jayjay! the ferins have a tradition where they breed their corviknights and pass the rookidees down to their kids. family pokemon :)

ava happens to get a shiny rookidee! she gets her rookidee right when she joins the navy and starts working under her father

this rookidee is...very nervous. greyhound energy. it's a shy little thing that has trouble battling and is very attached to ava and her little sister jay

ava takes the time to work through rookidee's issues and try and build it's confidence, jay acting as babysitter when ava is away at sea

at some point, after rookidee evolves into corvisquire, ava never comes home.

this ofc fucks with both jay and corvisquire. it puts corvisquire's training back by a lot and leaves jay grieving and angry

once she leaves with chip, she takes corvisquire with her. its too scared to battle and needs to be on or near her at all times, but it's a piece of her sister jay can't bring herself to leave behind.

jay ends up building a flying/steel type team, with corviknight growing and gaining its confidence as a pirate pokemon rather than a navy pokemon

its still got mega separation anxiety tho. it wears a nervous dog vest LOL

if anyone has anything to add i am all ears i fuckignlove my sillies and i love pokemon so. woe

#just roll with it #jrwi riptide #jrwi gillion #jrwi chip #jrwi jay #pokemon #riptide pokemon au #<- in case i post more about it

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beannary · 2 years ago

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If you want to talk about one of your aus, or au ideas, I'd love to hear about them! (*scoots my chair forward, looking hopeful*)

ok ive been wanting to answer this for a while but i kept on being so scared because ah! this is the one opportunity ill get to talk about my au! but then i realized that is stupid this is not gonna be my only opportunity to talk about my au

putting my ramblings under a read more because i ended up uh saying a whole lot about Donnie and his relationship with both Splinter and Big Mama

ok so basically ive been thinking a lot about the little prince au because it is fully my child and i adore it so much but ive been specifically thinking about Donnie and Splinter's relationship because I really want to write their relationship well

theyre gonna have such an interesting relationship. I know I havent gotten into how Big Mama ended up with Donnie but I am working on a comic for that so I'm not going to get into all of the details but Splinter does know that he left a turtle behind, he just thinks that the turtle he left behind died in the lab explosion, so over the years he has dealt with guilt because of that but overtime that guilt not necessarily faded but he comes to rationalize it because truly it wasn't his fault that Donnie got left behind, and truly there was nothing he could have done to save Donnie. But once he learns that Donnie is not only alive but that he's been living with Big Mama, Splinter's guilt is going to come back at full force because oh my god, not only is the kid that he thought was dead actually alive but he was raised by the woman who kidnapped Splinter and forced him to fight for years!

Splinter is going to be trying so hard to get Donnie to live with him once he learns that Donnie is alive, and he's going to be trying so hard to be the best parent for Donnie ever to like makeup for abandoning Donnie back in the lab explosion. or you know, not abandoning Donnie but that's what Splinter sees it as

I also want Donnie to have like similar reactions to leaving Big Mama that Splinter had. Like undeniably Splinter was incredibly depressed after leaving Big Mama, and like Big Mama turned this thing that Splinter loved, you know performing and being in the spotlight and entertaining!, and completely took away any agency that he could have to this thing that he loved to the point where he refused to take part in it just so he could have some sort of control over his life again

When Donnie leaves Big Mama (whether its by his own will or not I havent decided or figured out how he comes to live with the Hamatos yet) but he's going to go through something similar just a complete shut down where he abandons everything that he loved to do because he now associates them with Big Mama and her control over him if that makes sense? Like Donnie LOVES dancing and he loves playing music and listening to music! but these are activities that Big Mama actively encouraged and so naturally hes going to associate them with her.

I think one thing Donnie is going to throw himself into when he first leaves Big Mama is his inventing. Sort of like how Splinter would lose himself in his shows, I think Donnie is going to get into a sort of headspace where he just spaces out and doesn't have to think about anything while he's tinkering around.

Donnie and Splinter I think are also both going to want to try to prove themselves to each other? Splinter I think might end up being really overbearing while trying to makeup for all this lost time while Donnie is going to try to be the perfect son for Splinter just like he tried to be the perfect son for Big Mama

But like once they actually get to talking and once Donnie is more comfortable around Splinter I think these two are going to have a lot of heart to hearts just because Big Mama controlled their lives for so long, there's a lot of stuff to bond over and relate to

Idk Im not super confident in my writing abilities and Im trying really hard to portray Big Mama as a narcissistic parent but a lot of the stuff that I've read about how narcissistic personality disorder might portray itself in a parental role like centers heavily on the way that they pit siblings against each other and Donnie does not have a sibling! So I guess in a sense he would be both the golden child and the scapegoat which must make for a confusing existence. I dont even know if im portraying this well at all or if any of this is coming across in my writing but I sure hope that it is!

Another thing I want to get into is how Big Mama like reacts to Donnie's inventing because like having a super smart kid that can build you whatever you want is logically a very good resource to have and she does want him to keep building her stuff. But like inventing is messy! Science is messy! In an ideal world Donnie would be getting down and dirty working hard on engineering and botany, and like Donnie can sometimes get so focused on his work that he turns into a bit of a hermit till he comes out of that focused mindset and that's really the part that Big Mama doesn't like because like yes having a super smart kid does reflect very well on her, but having a kid whose constantly playing in the dirt or messing around with explosives and other dangerous devices and who occasionally goes completely MIA while working does not reflect well on her. So she's put into a position where she both wants Donnie to keep building her stuff but she also doesn't want all that extra messiness that comes with encouraging this interest of his.

Anyways im going to stop now because this has gotten WAY too long and I dont even know where im going with this! but it was so helpful to write this all out and just like getting my like thoughts you know written out so I can actually see if any of this makes sense asdklfjhsakdjh

#bean babbles #literally bean is babbling so much in this one guys #answered asks #writing-biting #tlp au #the little prince separated au #idk im kind of feeling this all out especially with big mama and donnies relationship #because i am projecting a lot obviously because donnie is my blorbo but also like my relationship with my mom is not nearly as intense #as donnies is with big mama #so mostly ive been doing a lot of reading into psychology to try to write this well #and i hope that as i write more about big mama and donnie that i will be writing that well #idk im so nervous about this au because drawing is definitely something im better at than writing and doing a comic is like combining both #and combining something im good at with something im not super confident with #OK im shutting up for real now askdlhfjalksjhdf

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demadogs · 2 years ago

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would love to hear more about your S5 Mike arc take

HELL YES!!! happy to share!!!! so some of these are genuine predictions with evidence from what ive seen in the show, but some of it is more of a fanficy kinda vibe of scenarios that are plausible but not influenced by genuine predictions i have. for those that i am confident in, i will link my posts explaining the evidence that supports my prediction. the first few parts are more genuine predictions and the later parts are just my brain making shit up.

also this isnt gonna be one of my “why i think this will happen” posts, im just going to write out mikes entire s5 story arc the way i see it in my head.

how it starts

so s5 starts out where we left off. mike and el still together but a little distant. theyre not fighting or anything but theyre not anything like s3 when they were constantly ditching their friends to makeout. people around them dont see an issue in their relationship but they both know its not what either of them want. (if youve read carry on i see them as how agatha and simon were portrayed at the beginning of the book).

the byers need housing back in hawkins and el wants to stay with hopper in his trailer while they work to fix up the cabin. the rest of the byers stay at the wheelers. jonathans sleeping in nancys room and will is sleeping in mikes.

mike and will have a couple more moments like we saw in s4 that could make it obvious that something might be up with both of them. maybe a conversation similar to the “hawkins isnt the same without you” scene. a scene of them both getting ready for bed talking about what they think is gonna happen next with vecna and everything. not the first night, but eventually maybe mike tells him to sleep in bed with him if will has a nightmare or something. little things like that.

the supernatural plot escalates and will and vecna have a deeper connection than anyone else. vecna is going to torture will in some way so im thinking maybe one of vecna’s methods of torturing will is to torture mike. vecna and will would have different interactions and conflict but mike would be vecna’d in the same style that max was.

how the audience and el learn mike is gay:

(this ones a genuine prediction. heres a post talking about why i think so but read it after you read this)

so now mike is cursed. no one knows including mike. everyones so caught up on protecting will because they all believe he is in the most danger so no one is looking after mike. then mike falls into that trance. (this is maybe 4 episodes in.) the whole partys there when it happens. el immediately puts on a blindfold and static noise and tries to piggyback into mikes mind to fight vecna the way she did with max.

mike doesnt know el is there while hes tranced. he doesnt see el the way max did. maybe el tries to touch him and mike feels a weird phantom feeling on his arm and he looks at it in confusion but he doesnt see el at all.

mike is in the mind lair and hes calling for will. he hears vecnas voice saying his full name. then he sees vecna and he starts saying shit about “friends dont lie” hes asking what happened to that motto and wasnt he the one who insisted that friends dont lie in the first place? “but youve been lying to everyone havent you michael”.

mike is shaking his head and vecna has him cornered and hes denying it but obviously terrified and he says he doesnt know what hes talking about and vecna says “you know exactly what im talking about. its not my fault you dont like girls”. and THATS the line that reveals to the audience that hes gay.

then maybe mike is able to run away but then he starts seeing shit. he ends up in his own basement and sees will and believes hes out of the trance and hugs will but he shrugs him off and tells him “dont touch me”. his eyes are all wrong and hes realizing hes not awake yet. vecna will starts calling him out on his feelings, telling him he would never love him back, that he doesnt even wanna be friends anymore. mike runs away and he just keeps seeing visions like this of everyone he loves. his family not accepting him. his friends not accepting him. el being mad at him for lying.

we are seeing els reactions to all of this too. shes been trying to use her powers to stop vecna this whole time. eventually in her pov everything goes completely black and shes in that weird void thing meaning that mike must be out of the trance. she hears mike panting and crying and takes off her blindfold and sees him awake with will holding his hand or shoulder and him looking at the ground.

eventually he looks up and sees el and at first his face doesnt change but then he sees her holding the blindfold and a pile of tissues with blood on them next to her and he connects the dots and starts to panic. will tries to reassuringly tell him that el was piggybacking trying to save him not realizing thats why hes freaking out. el says his name and tries to calm him down but he just gets up and locks himself alone in a room.

little pause for a second… listen. MIKE IS OVERDUE FOR A FULL ON PANIC ATTACK OK!!!!! we see will express his emotions every single season!! the last time we saw mike completely break down was in s2 when he was yelling at hopper. ever since then hes been trying so hard to bury his feelings and be someone hes not and make sure NO ONE finds out about him and now hes been outed to his girlfriend. he would completely break down. like full on sobbing, maybe throwing up. I WANT HIM TO EXPRESS EMOTIONS EVEN IF THEYRE TERRIBLE ONES!!!!!

el and mikes final breakup/ mikes first coming out:

mike is having a full on panic attack. hes on the floor crying and el is outside of it. he locked the door but el needs to see him so she tells him shes coming in and she uses her powers and opens the door. she closes it and sits next to mike on the floor. at this point hes silently crying and his hands are shaking but hes not as bad he was a few minutes ago. theyre both silent for a bit. mike speaks first and he whispers “did you see all of it?” el says yes.

mike starts to cry more and just starts apologizing profusely and el stops him by just pulling him into tight hug and he hugs her back for a long time. he starts telling her that he never wanted to hurt her. el tries to tell him shes not hurt right now but mike argues and tells her that hes hurt her so much in the past. he tells her that he made her feel like she was unlovable and that she was the issue when he knew deep down that it was him. that there was something fundamentally wrong with him. el tries to tell him theres nothing wrong with him but he insists that there is.

then el admits that she doesnt think she ever was truly in love with him either. she tells him that they both were just trying to do what everyone expected them to do. she didnt know any better because she had just left the lab and was still figuring out how to be a person, let alone a girlfriend. and people expected mike to like her just because she was a girl so he just went with it even after he realized he didnt feel that way. neither of them have ever been true to themselves for as long as theyve known each other. she tells him that he taught her what a friend was. and she missed her friend mike and wants to go back to that. mike tells her he wants that too and they hug again. (i want this scene to be the sweetest most wholesome breakup ever).

theyd also have a conversation of el being confused on whats wrong with him liking a boy. i think it would be really beneficial for mike to hear from someone who was never taught to hate people like him. it would give him so much relief to see potentially the number one person he never wanted to know just be absolutely baffled on why its a bad thing.

while theyre still hugging el says “for what its worth i think he likes you back” mike denies it and el insists that the way he looks at him says everything but mike wont even listen hes convinced he could never love him back.

then mike remembers something and asks a question. “what about the painting?”. els confused. she asks what hes talking about he tells her that will said she commissioned him a painting for her. “if you really didnt love me then whyd you have will paint me that?” she tells him she never told will to paint anything. mike is confused and telling her everything will said in the van. that he gives her the courage to fight on and he needs her. he asks what all that was about if she didnt feel that way and shes just confused. “he wouldnt even show me what he was working on. i told you i thought it was for someone he likes.”

“but it was for me.” el smiles and mike is still not convinced but hes kinda going crazy.

so now mike and el are broken up in the most wholesome way ever and theyre on better terms than theyve ever been but everyone thinks theyre still together. and mike for the first time thinks theres a chance will loves him back and he doesnt know how to act or ask him about it.

mike and will in the upside down:

(the only thing that led me to believe mike and will would be stuck in the upside down together was the upside down couch they sat on in the cabin. other than that this is entirely just what my brain came up with, not an actual prediction)

so skipping ahead, the vecna/upside down plot is getting spicier. shits going down. honestly im WAY better at imagining/predicting gay plots than scifi plots so i have no fucking clue whats going on with vecna and shit its just wild rn thats all you need to know.

i imagine almost all of them having to be in the upside down for some reason. then theres a scenario with some kinda monster like a demodog where they have to sprint to the gate back to real hawkins to be safe but the gate is closing back up. it would look like max’s running up that hill scene. theyre all getting closer and closer but then mike falls (classic) and will sees and goes back to him. the gate is closing more. he helps him up and they both start sprinting again but they dont make it. the whole gate closes up right when they get there and now theyre completely separated from all the friends and family and are alone in the upside down.

theyre able to defeat whatever was after them (will with a gun 👀) but now theyre stuck. maybe they get in a little argument where mike says “i told you to go on without me!!” and wills like “you think i would just leave you here!!!???” they both sit down against the wall the gate was on (like a brick wall or something). they try to come up with a plan and will brings up that maybe el help them some way and he mentions her being mikes girlfriend and mike tells him they broke up. wills very surprised about this. he asks if hes ok and mike tells him its better this way and he means it. (its now been a couple days since they broke up). they hear distant sounds of a monster and tells mike they shouldnt be here. theyre too exposed. (keep in mind mike is being kinda awkward because hes still thinking about the painting and what will said in the van that day and wondering if el was right and that will does love him back but he hasnt brought it up to him yet.)

they get up and make their way to the upside down wheelers house. they enter through the basement and its the same that it looked the day will went missing. the table is set up with the dnd campaign they were playing on november 6th 1983. mike tries to get comfortable on the couch but will just cant stop looking at the table. then he sees the dice on the floor with a 7 pointed up and they flashback to s1 of will telling mike it was a 7.

mike says his name and will remembers hes there and kinda startles and mike asks if hes okay and he just tells him that its just weird seeing everything from that day again. mike agrees. they get more quiet and tense thinking about that night will went missing.

mike brings up that they never finished the campaign. that he was begging his mom for the him and lucas and dustin to stay for 20 more minutes. he tells will he wonders if everything wouldve been different if he had stay. if vecna wouldve grabbed some other kid and they wouldve never known about this other world beneath them.

theyre thinking about that first night will went missing and mike asks if wills ok being back here again. he tells him its not as bad this time around because hes not alone. mike starts to get emotional thinking about when will was missing and he opens up to will about it. he tells him about how they all were there at the quarry when they found his “body”. will didnt know they were all there. he tells him that it was the worst night of his life because he thought he lost him forever. then he goes into talking about when the mindflayer had him and he thought he was losing him again, and then how will moved away. hes starting to cry because he has a deep fear of losing will for good and hes at a huge risk with vecna right now and hes so scared something will happen to him. will reassures him and tells him “im right here” and mike is silently crying and will just pulls him into a hug and they stay hugging for a long time. will tells him “im not going anywhere” while still hugging him.

they separate from the hug but still have their arms around each other and dont let go. its kinda awkward. mike is the one making it awkward. he looks like he wants to say something but isnt and is looking wills lips a lot and theyre so close to each other. will thinks he knows what hes thinking but doesnt dare say anything to ruin it so he just lightly nods his head as if to give mike permission if whats hes thinking is true. and then mike leans in and kisses him.

(IT HAS TO BE A SOFT TENDER KISS I DONT LIKE ALL THE MAKEOUT SESSION HEADCANONS I JUST WANT IT TO BE SWEET!!!!)

mike pulls back and at first he looks like hes about to panic but wills just looking at him with the biggest smile and it immediately puts him at ease. mike says “the painting was from you” and will doesnt know what hes talking about at first so mike continues “you said it was from el but it was from you” will confirms that it was. “and everything you said after…” “yes it was all from me” and mike kisses him again. (i also am imagining this as like the second to last episode)

(another more dramatic first kiss i have in mind is during a huge supernatural conflict and its just them and they completely believe theres no way theyre making it out alive and will is telling him that this is it and mike just kisses him right before all hell breaks loose)

post kiss byler

but of course we cant have nice things right away so theres a bit more angst before theyre a completely established couple. they fall asleep on the couch together in the upside down and in the morning they wake up and something chaotic upsidedown related is happening. again, i truly cannot even begin to guess/predict any of the actual scifi plot of the show so dont ask me what this is but its SOMETHING OK.

they dont even have time to acknowledge the kiss the night before or the fact that they woke up in each others arms. they have to fight whatever the conflict is in the upside down.

eventually they are able to escape the upside down and reunite with everyone. once theyre back with all their friends and family but mikes acting a little different again. hes shutting will out again and will is so confused.

(this is loosely inspired by the show the wilds. shelby whos very closeted and comes from an extremely homophobic family is on a deserted island with a bunch of girls and she falls for one of them whos out and she basically tells her “youre FREE here you dont have all that family trauma youre literally on a deserted island” so she kisses her. then later she sees a boat in the distance and she hesitates to make a signal with the fire because shes so scared to go back to her normal life with her homophobic family. mike is kinda experiencing that here. hes back in the “normal” world and is going back to trying to be who they want him to be, not who he just was with will.)

mike is kind of ignoring will when theyre around everyone. he deliberately doesnt sit next to him, he only talks to him when will talks first, hes basically scared that everyone can tell what they did. then will finally finds him alone and talks to him. at first hes hopeful and trying to be kinda flirty and make him laugh and mike barely has a reaction and then will confronts him.

“did that kiss mean nothing to you” mike immediately looks up from what hes doing and makes sure no one else is in the room and will notices. “what?” will tells him hes been different since they got back and hes acting like nothing happened and hes barely acting like theyre friends let alone anything more. and theyre both silent and will says “are we anything more?” and mike thinks before he speaks and then tells him that he did that in a world where there were no other humans. no laws, no expectations, no people to say that what they did was wrong. “thats not the case here.” and will gets mad at this and says something like “so what are you just gonna drop everything and be what everyone else says you should be?” mike doesnt answer and then will asks again “did it mean nothing to you?” and then theyre interrupted before mike could answer.

then later maybe the same day, mike is going somewhere to tell one of the older kids something or to get something related to what their big battle plan is and he sees robin and vickie through a window in a different room kissing and being super happy and flirty with each other. he stops in his tracks and just watches them and hes in total shock because he felt like there was no one like him his whole life and people like him couldnt be as happy as what hes seeing right now. he just continues watching them laugh while holding each other. i also think it would be great if steve was also there and he sees this former asshole douche being supportive of his best friend and letting them just be themselves so freely. he starts to tear up watching them. (this ones inspired by the book i’ll give you the sun this exact scene happens at a party).

that night mike and will are getting ready to go to bed in mikes room again not talking. will gets ready to sleep on the floor, a set back from when they were sleeping in the same bed. the lights are off and wills pretending to try to fall asleep and then mike whispers “it didnt mean nothing.” will turns and face mikes bed and then mike asks him to come up and will hesitantly joins him and mike sits up and faces him.

then this is potentially mikes most venerable scene in the whole show. he tells will absolutely everything. that when he and el moved he realized he was missing him the way he shouldve been missing el and it gave him the worst panic attack of his life when he figured out why. he stopped caring about himself and everything and everyone. he hated who he was. he didnt have the energy to hang out with his friends, to do his hw, to clean his room, to shower, to eat, and he stopped calling will. he just stopped doing everything. but what he continued to do was keep his relationship with el, and the more he did it the more guilty he felt. he didnt want to break up through a letter but he also didnt have the guts to do it in california and then when el confronted him about never saying he loves her he felt so much worse. he wanted nothing more than to actually love her. he hated that he loved will instead.

he tells will that he remembers how his dad would act when he went to wills house as a kid. how they overheard lonnie talking to joyce about them being “too close” one time and neither of them quite knew what he meant by that until later. he has so many little moments like this in his life of people letting him know that its wrong. that he is wrong. and he never ever thought will would be the same way and he never thought any boy could feel that way about him. mike whispers “i just want to be normal” and will says “since when are our lives normal?” and mike kinda laughs but hes also crying. wills holding his hands and tells him “mike, youve been through so much worse than being in love.” and then mike kisses him again!!! yes they have to kiss at least twice this is my mike arc and i make the rules. i could be more detailed in this whole scene but this has been in my drafts for weeks and i need to finally post it.

established byler/mike coming out:

then i really want mike to have a coming out scene with nancy or his mom but honestly id prefer nancy. i just think theres such a lack of wheeler sibling content and id really love if there was a scene like will and jonathan but for mike and nancy. i imagine them both being in the car on their way to somewhere related to the scifi plot and mike tells her that he and el broke up and they talk about that for a bit. and nancy asks if hes happy and mike says yes. and then mike starts to tell her why hes happy and eventually comes out to her but hes still terrified as hes doing it nancy pulls over just to hug him and its very emotional and sweet.

i also really want a scene of them coming out to the party but honestly im not sure if they will just because now there will have to be like 3 coming out scenes already. they might do the party instead of nancy or karen which id be ok with but they also might skip ahead and have them both already be out.

during the epilogue-ish scene they usually have at the end of a season after the supernatural plot has died i want another sweet byler scene. i love the concept of them going to prom with the whole party as a group but just mike and will find their own room to dance in and be themselves and feel safe. i need some fluff before the season ends.

AND THATS IT I DID IT IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO FUCKING LONG!!!!!

#this is whats been living in my brain for months #this whole thing #i love taking inspo from other shows and books and making it byler #byler #stranger things #mike wheeler #eden answers #byler predictions

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xmurder-of-crowsx · 3 months ago

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Vent rn while I'm unable to sleep from sickness

W digital art I feel like I could do so much more and feel way more confident in my art skills. But like. Affording the software is..hard..for a person who's not already rich...heck..I can't even afford to get a upgraded phone. This phone is running on fumes at this point lol...money issues are hard...and it's harder to make money to fix them in the first place. The system truly is broke. Just saying. Especially w mental issues up the wazoo like I got going on. To the point working like in public is hard a huge struggle. Which is why I have not worked in months. There's a huge issue w the system rn. And soc security is given to those who don't even need it and denied to those who do. It's so dumb tbh. Living is so hard. Money is so hard. Everything is so hard. Ugh. Life's not very simple. And unless your gifted w money , people skills, or talent. Your just going to stay at rock bottom forever like me. It's sucks man. Adulting sucks. Everything sucks. I wish things were easier. I can't even drive because of my crippling anxiety yet the gov says I'm apparently not disabled enough which my old neighbors had parties every day and were living the dream on soc security I feel they could've went without. Yah. It's hard. I just want to live but even that's a struggle in this world. Getting my meds is hard even. I'm barely hanging in there w my bipolar shit and Sui thoughts from depression and constant anxiety. And the gov won't let me get my meds because I'm still searching for a psychologist who takes my shit insurance they could provide me. It's..not good ..I'm losing it here...and my stomach issues which I need meds for too..and my thyroid issues which I can't easily get meds for either. This all sucks. I just. ..I am not sleeping well lately either. This isn't good . Why is my autism not severe enough why is my mental state which is falling apart not disabled enough why. I'm even more upset I can't afford schooling to get my voice acting classes so I can do shit w my life already. I'm 27 come on. And I can't get to any theater groups to launch my career cuz none take adults in my area. You gotta do it at a young age and i was stupid in hs and didn't...ugh...if I had anyone who could help me even a friend. But I dont even got friends anymore since years ago when I broke up w a toxic one I had since middle school ...I need irl ones for sure one day tho..I'm so alone...and I'm passionate for theatre which...I can't even start into ..cuz of my age...again..life's stupid..and the place I'm stuck living in...my parents house....is hard to live in cuz my dad's bipolar af like me and we fight constantly. .and my mom just ignores me when I'm breaking down...and my bro....just ...acts like he's my boss or something... I'm surprised I've lasted this long tbh...w how toxic my house is....rn..we go to therapy...it'll be a slow process tho w how much we have to fix...and I'm like hanging by a thread here...my mom already told me a lot she notices how much im struggling mentally at times and tries to step away when I'm moody af from bipolar...it's hard to stay in control...and it's a miracle I havent...gave up...on myself and gave into the thoughts...I'm staying strong tho...let's hope I can continue til ..I figure shit out ig...

And before you say anything I've tried working on art from my tiny ass phone. It's not good I need to get a bigger device or something. A laptop even would do better. I can't rn tho..

#steph speaks #vent

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nymphrasis · 3 months ago

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It really makes me happy that people have been kind and patient towards me ;w;. Honestly, it just puts a smile on my face and I feel incredibly grateful! I try my best to keep on trucking, both in the virtual space and irl >w<. I am slower with art as of late, which I hope to get out of that stump because I would love to finish up my art queues to work on both the ask blogs and do a art raffle, as a sort of thank you! Speaking of art, I really would love to try to work on gift art for other friends ;w;. I do a good amount for the same friends but I feel I should show my gratitude to others too! I even want to do fanart of smaller creators characters, to show that they are appreciated and I want them to continue doing their best with their works >w<!!! Oh and uh... Something I still want to try someday is being a gaming Youtuber! It was something younger me always wanted to do but never had the proper resources, nor editing knowledge at the time ;//w//;. I still don't have knowledge towards video editing but I do know there are tutorials to help with that! Heck, I even made a chibi PNGTuber model of my updated Persona, although she isn't done just yet qwp. Here is the design tho!

I, uh... Want to do this thing, not all the time but here and there sometimes, where Youtubers back in the day do shout outs ;//u//;. Because I would love to give others recognition! Will I have the numbers? I don't know really. Admittedly me wanting to be a Youtuber is just to do this for fun and to help kick me out of my shell, to get comfortable socializing with other people ;w;. I use to be a mega social butterfly but now I struggle to do that ^ ^". It's why I am doing my best to kick myself open. Twitch streams really help me open up a little, tbh ;;w;;! I really would love to do more of that. I, uh, havent done it for months tho. It is moreso because of two things, tho the first one is major to me. One is computer. While I did got the issue repaired, I am still paranoid that it would shut on and off on me again during streams ( It has happened several times months ago ). It's why I plan to get a new computer instead ( I'll need to do a lot of art to achieve that, considering that most of my money is spent for irl care of myself, like food and internet ;w; ). Another is family. I have noticed that they would try to come in more and more without knocking, or respecting that I am preoccupied with something ^ ^". Youtubing feels easier for the time being because at least I could pause recording here and there, in case family tries to interrupt again ;;w;;.

But uh sorry for rambling ;;. I have so much I really want to do, to regain my confidence again and socialize with so many people like I have in the past! I really would love to create new friends and really need to try my darnest to properly socialize again ( Instead of hiding and only speaking with a small specific group because aaaaaa I havent fully quite gotten out of my shell yet. I am getting there and have been making slow but good progress! I hope to keep this up! ) Being a social butterfly again, become a Youtuber and Twitch streamer, successfully create my first game, create my own family, and just have a fun happy life! Really just want to vibe and make others happy >w<!

Thank you to those that have read this ;w; You guys and friends makes me feel appreciated and want to continue forward

#nymphrasis #ramble #aaaaaaa

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fearowkenya · 2 years ago

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Cold-blooded, ruthlessly efficient, and cruel in its methods. These are words that can be applied to an alligator, sizing up its target as it lurks beneath the surface and waits for the perfect opportunity to drag it into the depths. The same words can equally apply to Shuuji’s father, who never stops watching his every move, judging Shuuji for missteps he doesn’t even know he’s making as he tries to live up to unclear and impossible expectations.

Stressed, scared senseless, and operating entirely on adrenaline. These are words that can be applied to somebody attempting to escape from an alligator, desperate for a shred of hope. The same words can equally apply to a participant in a game of capture the flag, where one team’s lone survivor fights for their life in hopes that a singular small success will turn the tides.

Shuuji gets a weird text at the worst possible time. Ryo risks his neck for the sake of the team. There’s alligators.

yeah im not posting the entire fic under the readmore , im not prepared to spend another two hours of trial-and-error on formatting. anyway i have so much to say about digisurvive but im unfortunately not the type to talk about stuff unprompted until im much more confident n comfortable. instead i'll talk about the First Ficwriting Experience Since 2016

ive seen all four endings but i havent done what im calling my Victory Lap playthrough yet. what i mean by Victory Lap is that i got my guys at lvl 80+ and the only real purpose of going thru it all again is to see any early-game missed dialogue and take unnecessarily-meticulous character notes

im not about to claim to be a Blorbo Expert w a PhD or anything but i think ive got a pretty solid understanding of the bulk of the characters and can manage a pretty accurate portrayal . shuuji and ryo are definitely the easiest characters for me to write , and im anticipating that the same will be true for kaito. i cant say for certain tho since i havent explored his voice much yet but im more or less confident that i can do a good job

at first i was like oh god oh fuck i cant write aoi but i thought about it for 2 seconds and it turns out that uhhhhhhhh i was a lot like her when i was a teenager. the insecurities are exactly the same, it is so horrifyingly uncanny. so for me, saki is the one that i find the most difficult to characterize and i love that because it seems so deliberate. this girl DOES NOT want you to perceive her and is doing her best to ensure that you do not notice that she has anything to hide. if you are good at writing saki, i have a lot of respect for your tremendous power

but thankfully sakis presence in this is minimal so i dont have to worry about that just yet. what i AM worried about are my formatting choices. i think theres a lot of potential in fucking around with indentation, typeface, and text placement, so im taking a swing at trying to push it further than i have before. i think it can serve so well to imply when something is happening, what else is happening at the same time, and how it makes the characters feel without having to outright say so. i dont want it looking like a geronimo stilton book tho so i gotta learn to strike a balance lmao

SO much of the way i enjoy character portrayal comes from tone and nonverbal communication, especially really subtle stuff like eye movement and body language. i think it can be so challenging to write that stuff in a way that doesn't feel clunky or encumber the pacing. the thing im practicing right now is saying stuff without saying it, and also trying to improve my imagery & symbolic language. im having a lot of fun with it

mkay im actually late for work so i need to post this damn thing and move on my with my day. thanks for your time!!

#digimon survive #ryo tominaga #shuuji kayama #digimon #drops this in the digisurvive tag like roadkill . heres my offering. i havent posted fic since 2016 #under the readmore you can find me talking into the void

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kayoi1234 · 1 year ago

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*still vibrating*

there's people who meta-vote, aka what happened in t1: it's when instead of voting according to forgiveness and personal opinion, you vote according to: - probable outcomes of verdicts - the public opinion going around and how much it is agreed on - what you think will happen to other characters if the current prisoner is judged forgiven/unforgiven

in t1 the reasoning was that by voting her unforgiven, it'd make her realize that shes doing bad things/the cult is wrong or something with "tough love", well guess what!! that only reaffirmed her more!!! because though love is exactly what the cult used on her!!!!!

also that bit about shidou: yeah he wont get shanked Now, but people still worry about her sabotaging his stuff. in the t2 voice drama she get her hands on scissors, hides them in her long sleeves, and tries to attack es (who is by all means untouchable if the intent of the prisoner is to cause harm), and while attacking other prisoners while es is awake is (iirc) impossible, who knows what she'll do between trials when theyre asleep for (probably) months !! she got the fucking scissors from a supply closet !! who knows what else is in there!!! (i havent read minigram but iirc they talk about it there? dont take my word for it)

meta voting Also happened to shidou, who has an interesting dilemma regarding his judgement: while he still thinks he shouldn't be forgiven, he sees how much he's needed in the prison (Triage: "Shall I fulfill your request and elect to live / ... / See, indispensable, I’m indispensable") and directly asks to be forgiven Because, after loosing his family, he has a reason to live again!! (Triage: "I want to be [forgiven], I want to live!" / "That’s right, there are lives that need safeguarding / So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable") all of that, regardless of what he actually did, got him a forgiven judgement anyway!!

it also happened to mikoto in t1 to a lesser extent (and i hesitate calling this meta-voting): tiktok people happened to found MeMe, saw the bathroom scenes, "damn he's hot *votes forgiven*". didnt really matter cuz his t1 ration is 31,57% forgiven to 68,43% unforgiven

this post got derailed but i hope you enjoy getting paragraphs from me first thing in the morning *hits send*

One: the beauty of being Australian is that whilst it might be morning for you it is like 7:20PM here so I am at the Exact Right Time to process new information

Two: Meta voting is such a wild concept and yet it is the exact thing that happens in real life when we vote for politicians lmao art imitates life or whatever lol.

But also it’s really funny that people did it the first time round with Amane, found out it didn’t work, and yet there are still people going “well maybe it’ll work a second time?” With the same amount of confidence as the person who planted bamboo in the ground and said “It’s not going to grow everywhere!”

Anyways also Shidou is real interesting because i’m ninety percent sure this isn’t going to do wonders for his mental health lol rip Dr Malpractice maybe you shouldn’t have stolen all those organs.

(Also poor Mikoto man. Wakes up in prison told he’s killed someone yet he can’t remember shit, gets called a murderer when he explicitly remembers Not Doing That, then the ps5 in his brain tells him he’s hot but also a killer and hey there’s another guy in here but no one ever tells him about the other guy in there because no one knows whats gonna happen if they do that all because some kid with twitch chat also in their brain ran a poll on some funky music video they got out of his head and went “Well sorry dude but unforgiven I guess”.

Also maybe there are actually three mikotos which is. You know the depths of the boy surely knows no bounds.)

#txt #ask #coffee-without-anesthetics #milgram #fuckin wild what you guys are doing #never stop

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whitesandbrowns · 2 years ago

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Day 1

1/100 | 17.07.23

Woke up around 6 today. Worked out. Though almost killed myself doing basic beginniner level day 1 workout. My arms are still paining. And i didn't even finish a whole pushup. Ugh.

Had some toast for the breakfast. I watched ruby's video while having breakfast. She is that one person who always makes me wanna do anything in my life with more passion and love towards it.

Then started working. Had good time at work mostly. Had weekly team meeting today as its monday. I am happy to see some progression over packaging design thing. I think we will be able to close it this week, at least from my side.

A tremendously funny thing happened to me today. I dont even know what to call it. So i was working at home till late noon, so after that i thought let's go to my fav cafe to have some mint tea and just work there. So i packed literally everything, went there and then i realized i didnt have my phone there. I left it at home as it was on charging.

But i was like, its okay, the cafe Still has the wifi. I dont need to worry much. I hardly use my phone anyway. But my dearest luck, had different plans. Even the wifi was not working there that time. The owner knew me so she was kind enough to offer her own hotspot but it also didn't get connected. The amazing bad luck i had. And meanwhile all of this, i already had ordered tea so i could not do anything but just wait for the tea to get its flavour and cool down a little bit so i can drink it. But i tried to stay calm and sketched out the cafe, did not turn out like i wanted to but i still did pretty good. Will share it tomorrow

I got home and studied for a while on tangible interaction design and as part of the example there ws this marble answering machine and i absolutely loved the idea. I havent even started the course yet but i can tell for sure how amazing it is going to be. I think i ak gonna finish these courses only as of july. And from august i will start preparing according bhanu's calender.

In my break time i saw this kid on youtube short and immediately fell in love with the parenting. I know for a fact she i gonna grow up to be an amazing person. Kudos to the parents who understands it is an individual they afe raising and not just some part of their own which they need to protect and pamper. Kudos to the kimonomom

and then i mostly slept and skipped dinner as i was not hungry. Thought went out to have ice cream with my dad before going to meet my grandma. She is not so well right now but i hope she gets well soon and gets stronger than ever.

Came home and had a call with my boyfriend while i did a little work and then focused on him, and had a great time talking to him.

Then i did some face massage with gua sha and jade roller. I didnt take a shower today because didnt feel like it. I hope i wake up early tomorrow. Root for me, will ya?

I think this day was overall not as productive. I felt sleepy for most of the part, i need to come up with better sleep routine but other than that, all good. I am happy. Confident. Hopeful.

See you guys tomorrow.

Love,

#studyspo #studyblr #dark academia #study inspiration #study motivation #100 days of studying #100 days of self discipline #100 days of getting better #100 days of productivity #100 days challenge

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megan-bopo-journey · 1 year ago

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15th December

This morning was a tough morning with coeliac stuff. I'm feeling extremely anxious about glutening myself being pregnant but also this weird imposter syndrome just thinking about how relaxed I've been with this diet and yet I still fell pregnant and have seemed to maintain the pregnancy so far. I'm also 11 weeks which is when mum and Beth both lost their first pregnancies. I feel like because I havent been careful enough with my diet that I 'should' experience a miscarriage too, even though that's not how it works.

I have my work xmas party tonight and even though I called and confirmed they know what cross contamination is and how to avoid it I'm still scared that they'll react badly, or it'll bring up sympathy from my colleagues that I just cant deal with right now. I still have no idea if I'll go to Ash's thing, I'm leaning towards yes but I am feeling exhausted because I then have the thing on Sunday which again is around food and not a lot of time to set myself up for the week. I'm so thankful I only have one week left of work because between the anxiety with this pregnancy, anxiety coming up to social events with coeliac while trying to work I am TIRED!! Tired of making the decision of bringing my own food or asking all the coeliac questions and taking the risk, tired of thinking of what to eat all the time and meal prepping. Yesterday I got Roll'd and immediately regretted it because I KNOW it's a may contain and I should avoid it. But I was starving and didn't want to buy snacks I just wanted a proper lunch for once! And then I felt guilty and so worried I'm hurting my baby because I just can't manage how fucking strict this diet is. I hate how much stress this time of year brings because it all revolves around food which means me having to make decisions that I never asked to make. I feel like it isn't this hard for most people and I don't know why I just can't get past it. I'll be fine during quiet periods where there's not as much social events but as soon as there is I burn out so quickly. I tried to promise myself to follow up with 'treats' after events however when looking into it I don't always have time for solo dates and I still have to advocate for myself even if the restaurant is known for being coeliac safe. I'm getting my hair done on Monday (which is funny because I also had a hair appt after the retreat thing that was stressing me out so much) and apart from christmas day and the 27th that'll be it for food events for the year. Perhaps I just need to focus on doing the best I can to survive the end of the year mental health wise even if I can't advocate for myself every time and hopefully the new year I can focus on it more.

PLAN:

Tonight: "Just letting you know that I have coeliac which is like a severe gluten allergy, just wondering if you would be able to prevent cross contamination with the other pizzas when making mine?"

Tomorrow: Bring my food, just tell people "it's just easier", always the option to leave if it gets too hard. really think about whether I want to attend these events next year (this will be a good therapy topic) -this will be the hardest event, I want to push myself to at least try and go and I'll be relieved it's over but also proud of myself for going.

Sunday: I feel confident eating Elizabeth's mousakka and will be providing the pav so I know I'll get a safe dessert :) Be mindful with the crackers and dip etc.

Monday: get things to make chicken wraps for the week

Thursday: suggest non-food things with Navin e.g. starbucks, walk the river if she wants, nails done? tell her I am scared of getting glutened since getting preg

Xmas day: hard to control/predict, just do the best I can

27th: offer to order the chicken and let them know someone eating it has coeliac/severe gluten allergy

28th: unsure if I'll go, decide before xmas and just decline invitation.

Oh yes and thank god I have therapy on Wednesday!!

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republictrooper · 2 years ago

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TOMORROW AND TOMORROW AND TOMORROW

Didnt get a chance to watch Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow until tonight for various reasons, so pardon my late review!

Anyway, for the 2nd week in a row we get that most classic of Trekisms - a really flimsy metaphor for something presented in a way that's kind of insulting if you think about for more than a minute, but this time, also wrapped in some absolutely top tier character torture porn (complimentary)!

Like, the metaphors get a bit tiring and insulting, but... it's nice to have a Star Trek that's doing them again in a way we havent seen since DS9 and Voyager.

Anyway, Viewing Notes:

Who kept my sweet sweet spock from playing the music of his soul? WHO ARE THEY I JUST WANT TO TALK

(also damn starfleet couldnt spring for the noise dampening walls?)

Poor M'Benga. You tried ;_;

"You don't have to bear this alone" OH DOESN'T SHE?????????????

Kinda funny (as in sad funny) M'Benga said that too, since I think he STILL hasn't been able to reveal that he was smuggling Rukiya for years, even if Una eventually found out and agreed to keep his secret.

NGL, Exasperated Kirk in the Alleyway kinda had me laughing a bit. To say nothing of the clothing scene. And the Chess Scene. And the Hot Dog scene. As much as I didnt want to like La'an/Kirk, this is a pretty classic screwball romance setup and I am a SUCKER for those. So. Fine. You got me. I kinda sorta ship it.

Oooo, so THAT'S why this Kirk says he's from Space. Oof. There's a kicker.

I gotta say, New Kirk is making a believer out of me. He's not Shatner at all, which I think he doesn't need to be, but even in this "Earth is kinda Xenophobic" AU, he has that kind of quiet confidence and latent nerdiness of classic TOS Kirk. He's got the sassiness (That little one of us has got to change look he gave to Laan and the Heck yeah I'll just hustle people at chess for money thing) combined with the chivalry (Immediately changing so La'an can have her preferred outfit, charming the people he vanquished at chess with a handshake and a smile) that really works for me.

"Get to the Bridge" oh my gosh SNEAKY AS THE DICKENS.

Pelia remains an absolute delight in every appearance. I kinda love how she just... wasnt a great engineer though? Why would she be? She's immortal, but she's also just a person trying to survive, and she has hundreds of years to live! We need more Immortals who are just this guy (gender neutral), to be honest. Why would she have kept up on engineering stuff for a few hundred years? That would probably get boring! Hell, maybe that's why Scotty replaces her, she gets bored of engineering and decides to try something else! It makes perfect since she didnt learn it yet!

Aaaaand now we get the part I'm not sure I like: What if you went back in time to Defend Baby Hitler from the people who came back in time to kill him, because if you didnt, the future would be worse? Also it's implied Baby Hitler is being, if not actively tortured, at least definitely imprisoned against his will and separated from his friends and family.

I mean... Listen, I get Khan is fictional, as are the eugenics wars, but the metaphor is... I dunno man, the comparison is there and it's kind of iffy, and I while I understand how it kind of adds more dimensions to La'an's struggle with her ancestry, the whole "Millions of people have to suffer and die because thats the way the timeline has to be" sticks in my craw. It'd be like if Past Tense made the twist that the DS9 crew had to kill Gabriel Bell instead of impersonating him at the right moments. I just don't think this was the right story to tell.

I think I can kinda deal with it because you know, this is Star Trek. But gosh, this will not replace Past Tense as my favorite Star Trek time travel story any time soon, no matter how charming Alternate Kirk was.

Sera's rant about the timeline is interesting. One one hand, the clever little "Timeline reasserting itself" to explain plot holes like that Time Voyager travelled back to the 90s and there was no sign of Eugenics Wars was kinda fun, but on the other hand, it smacks of the same kind of overexplaining I disliked with having M'Benga introduce Spock to the harp. Sometimes its enough that Spock plays the Harp! Sometimes its enough that when a single universe lasts for half a century and is written by hundreds of people over multiple series and mediums, little continuity errors slip in!

(nitpick time: You're telling me she cant at least talk to Pelia about this? If they "fixed" things and this is her timeline Pelia should remember her, right? Hell, they outright implied La'an's visit was the reason she became an engineer in the first place! Maybe she mentioned the bunker in Vermont specifically so La'an would know to go meet her there whenever the time travel happened, and threw in the "That painting is a Fake" because she remembered talking about it with La'an! TALK TO PELIA, LA'AN!). I suppose the idea might be that Pelia doesn't know exactly why La'an was in the past and cant be allowed to know more, but. Ugh.

Cuz like, listen, I know the dramatic weight requires La'an not to talk to anyone, but like. The Temporal police dont employ any counselors? If they're saving Mass Murderers from assassination on the reg, La'an can't be the first temporal agent to have mental health issues over that, even as a temporary recruit pressganged into service to save her own ancestor. And it's not like Pike could change anything if she told him, that stuff happened IN THE PAST!

BASICALLY LA'AN IS SUFFERING AND SHE DESERVES SOME COMFORT COME ON I EXPECT BETTER FROM STARFLEET EVEN THE DUMBASS SECRETIVE TIME POLICE DIVISION

Like gosh, that lady was ice cold i think even if Alt!Kirk had survived and hopped a ride over on that little device she would have killed him just to preserve the timeline or some shit.

I dunno. Time travel stuff. Ugh.

Anyway, OK Episode, I loved alternate Kirk, loved La'an and Kirk's shenanigans in modern Toronto/Vermont before things got real, kinda shipped La'an/Kirk in spite of myself, and the temporal intrigue was... intriguing, but "Let's Save Baby Hitler" left a sour taste in my mouth. On to the next Ep!

#star trek #strange new worlds #star trek strange new worlds #spoilers #tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

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nemirutami · 2 years ago

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hi i was curious what fic you were refering to in your minato/akechi art :>??

It's a fic i've been writing on and off for a year now but i havent posted it anywhere yet haha.... unless?

In summary: It's about Akechi finding new work at a company called R.E.I (reliable, experienced, innovative) where Minato is the CEO (and widower) with a child Akechi comes to know as Rei (yep Minato named the company after his daughter). The fic focuses on all 3 influencing each other and helping each other cope/grow from their traumas but is also my biggest excuse to write cute scenes where Akechi gets to have an adopted daughter and be the dad he never got to be (he's terrible at it). If you're wondering "why would Minato hire Akechi" then don't worry. He has a very good reason. Minato hired Akechi because Akechi gave him shitty customer service and Minato took one look at him and said "I can adjust his attitude." now Akechi works for Minato bc he's an idiot. Most the fic is also me writing them comedically stupid and sad and very stupid. Oh, and I guess they kiss maybe. But really it's about broken people building a family w/o knowing. I made the fic as a joke and that's why it can't be named anything other than "Is it wrong to hit on my boss?" I've made a ton of art for it (some which I guess i've already posted alluding to the fic). I did make a cover sketch for it tho! There's a bunch of foreshadowing in the items on display (but it's too sketchy to make out I'm sure).

The 100k part of this fic is already up on patreon but I'm writing/editing the other 100K. So like, uh... 200+ pages of text and 29 chapters so far. In theory, the fic is already finished/has an ending, but I just need to fill in the gaps and tie plot points together.

If you're interested, I'll add the prelude/first chapter below the cut lmfao. It pretty much sets up the premise as tightly as possible in under 2K words. It has not been edited at all so take this abhorrently constructed first draft with no shame. You can judge my noodle words all you want but remember if you say a mean thing I will die.

Title: Is it wrong to hit on my boss?

Pair: Minake

Ch 1: That's not how this was supposed to go.

10 AM on the dot, to no one's surprise, he was flawlessly punctual as usual. Today was too important for missteps, and Akechi had carefully calculated each and every word he was going to use to land this job opportunity with one of Japan's biggest corporations in web development and online advertisement. Having worked at a low paying job for the most part (one with a boss that relentlessly attacked him and tried to convince him that he would amount to nothing, no less) didn’t prepare him for the call he received from R.E.I's founder about a new job opportunity.

Cocky with confidence, he quit his job before the interview.

After all, if this founder somehow went out of his way to request him, he must have done so with good reason.

With his hair tied back neatly into a ponytail and his shirt tucked beneath a more-than-a-little expensive looking business suit, he walked into the lobby, checked in, and got told to take the elevator up to the 3rd floor. He cocked his head curiously at the attendant before turning his gaze towards the elevator. Next to the elevator was a fire extinguisher for emergencies, and a metal plate outlining over 100 floors for the building. Naturally, there had to be some mistake. Floor 1 was considered the lobby, floor 2 was a storage for supplies and spare parts, and floor 3 was where their call center started. Their web developers were a fair bit higher up in the company, which made his directions only more confusing. What was a web developer supposed to do at a call center? While the thought of not having to fake a smile over the phone was comforting, the very image of having to do customer support 7 hours a day for the rest of his life put the fear of God in him.

"Pardon my rudeness, but there m-" Must be some mistake. The old lady at the counter was one step ahead of him and delivered her message with a sharp tone that left Akechi speechless.

"The founder's office is on the third floor," she interrupted her sentence with a huff, "-treat yourself to the coffee upstairs, you're gonna need it." and punctuated it with a dismissive wave of her hand. If more people hadn't entered the building and tried to take care of their own business, Akechi would have asked her to elaborate. But since he now for sure knew he was going to meet the founder, he decided not to make a scene.

"I… see. Thank you for the offer, but I must decline. I'm sure everything will go smoothly." But if they put him in a call center to provide customer support around the clock he was prepared to personally wire that black coffee maker into a homemade bomb and take down the whole building with him. While that thought crossed his mind, he smiled politely at the woman and took the elevator ride up.

Never in his life had he been so confused by a layout. He was aware of the building's size, but this was beyond ridiculous. The hallways almost looked like a maze, with paintings scribbled from wall to wall. Upon closer inspection, they looked like kids drawings. Either this was part of some PR stunt, or the founder was really into bright neon colors. If Akechi didn't hear the man on the other line himself and came here looking for a job, he'd expect to find a kindergarten at the other side of the many doors down the hall. His confidence was dwindling more and more with each step.

Once he reached the door he assumed would take him into the workplace where the founder was seated, he grasped at the handle only to find it locked. He blinked, and twisted the doorknob again, hoping it would open the door. When it didn't, he pulled a little harder until he heard a click from the other side, and noticed that the plate beneath the handle had the word "push" written in caps. Without thinking, he put far too much swing into his movement, and ended up smacking the poor sap on the other side that kindly unlocked the door for him, and the man's coffee poured right onto his suit and onto the floor in a loud mess.

"Ah, sorry!" He would have stayed and apologized properly if he wasn't at risk of running late. "If you give me a minute, I'll be right back and help you clean up!" and he was gone. He could have stayed and helped but chose to prioritize the meeting. In the end, that guy was out one cup of coffee and still had a stable income, whereas missing out on this interview might cost Akechi not only his career, but his livelihood. If this went south, he could wind up homeless. Unless he begged for his old job back.

No, the chill of winter would be less humiliating than going back on his hands and knees to the boss that not only demeaned him, but continuously plagiarized his work for his own benefit.

"Hewoo," In the midst of his early mid-twenties crisis, a soft voice spoke to him, but the only people he spotted were already head-deep in work. Another faint cry, this one, a bit more shy.

"Heo…" he turned his head down, and spotted a tiny girl hiding beneath a desk with her fist against her lips and her knees up to her chest. She looked about four years old, short curly hair with a clip-on to keep her bangs out of her eyes. Really, if she hadn't called out to him, he never would have spotted her in those shadows. He stared at her stupidly before turning his head up and asking if anyone brought their daughter to work. The girl shushed him, and got his attention once again.

"M, hidin…"

"Ah," It was too early for a break, but he supposed someone might have taken some time off to call a responsible adult to come pick up their child from work. Still, he couldn't help but smile and crouch next to her, putting one finger over his lips with a whisper. "It's ok, I won't tell anyone." The little girl smiled so wide she was practically squinting.

"Who r u…" He cocked his head slightly. Did she know most of the people on this floor? She spoke as if she knew he was a stranger. He shrugged it off. That can't be right. Must have been childish curiosity.

"I'm Akechi Goro, and you?"

"Ake...ak...e...Aket…" She struggled and fumbled over her words, before she furrowed her brows with confidence and looked upset she couldn't yet pronounce his name.

"Gowo." He couldn't hold back a smile, and the little girl, now forgetting she's supposed to be hiding, shouts at him.

"Don't laff! That's mean!"

"Sorry!" His words said sorry, but his smile told her differently. At least, until his phone began beeping. It was now exactly 10 am.

"Sh-!" Too much in a hurry, he rushed to stand up quickly, and banged the back of his head against the table. He fell to his knees again, pushed down by the tabletop, and grabbed the back of his neck. The little girl, to no fault of her own, laughed at him without a shred of sympathy. Before he could get up on his feet, an arm patted him on the back.

"Hey, you ok?" He couldn't tell with his eyes closed, but the little girl mimicked the man's movements and reached her tiny hand out to pat Akechi's knee as if to comfort him. Before he could respond, he heard the man say "There you are!" followed by a tiny high pitched scream that honest to God was only giving Akechi a headache.

Still better than his old job, despite the abuse and trauma he's had to endure thus far.

When he opened his eyes, he saw the man that he accidentally slammed into squishing the little girl's cheeks, possibly as punishment.

"What did I tell you? You can't win."

"Mmmrmmmrrrr"

"Do you give up?" The child stubbornly stared him in the eye and only repeated her mumbling louder. The man sighed, but with the hint of a smile.

"Alright, go hide again." The joy in that little girl's eyes could part the skies on a cloudy day. She beamed and quickly ran off to hide elsewhere while the man covered his eyes and began counting. As soon as she was gone and he no longer heard the tip tap of feet, he got up and extended his hand towards Akechi.

"You look lost. Do you need any help?" This was humiliating. A kid laughing at him, he could handle, but a future coworker extending him his aid this early in their partnership was shameful. Especially since this was the same guy he left high and dry just moments ago.

"No, no, I'll be alr-" His voice was now much less sympathetic.

"Just take my hand." So much for debate. He didn't appreciate how everyone in this company cut him off mid-sentence, but took the other man's hand to get back up on his feet. As soon as he did, he got looked over rather thoroughly, a little too intensely to his liking.

"Doesn't look like you're bleeding, but if you're feeling dizzy, there's a nurse just two doors down to the left. She can examine you in case you've suffered any severe damage." His concern was flattering but unnecessary and sadly a waste of time.

"Haha, no worries. Actually... I need to get to the founder's office. Do you know where that is?"

"Yes, but I wouldn't worry about t- Rei, don't climb the bookshelf! Junpei, will you-"

"Aye, aye, boss! Come here you trouble bunny! How about you hop hop into bed and take a long looong nap? Man, uncle Junpei could use one too. I'll show you how it's done, like a pro!"

"Iori, sleep on the job and you're fired."

"Come on Philei, your dad is scary when he's talking to people that are not you!"

So much happened in the span of just a couple of seconds.

"...Rei?" He felt his blood run cold. "Her name is… Rei?" The man, somewhat confused that he was still standing there with a dumb look on his face, spoke as if this was basic knowledge Akechi should have known before stepping into the building.

"Of course, that's my daughter," he holds out his hand again, this time, expecting Akechi to shake it. "-and I'm the founder, Minato Arisato. And you are?"

Absolutely screwed.

#I hope you like the first flavor of nyake :3/#tnt answers #fic #minake

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crimsonophelia · 4 years ago

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hello basil!!! i’m the anon that sent the original request of reader being a big dumb dumb and accidentally mailing their love letters to childe in liyue—i personally just wanted to tell you that i absolutely LOVED what you wrote and that i’m so happy and grateful you did my request justice. keep up the good work!!!

if you wouldn’t mind, could i request for a hurt/comfort angst with kaeya and a gn reader? the reader is a fellow knight of favonius that regularly gets dunked on by their friends for their crush on the cavalry captain—but every time their friends insist they confess to him, they joke that “sure, i’ll tell him when i die.” and then they actually nearly die.

while on a mission with kaeya, something terrible happens that seemingly pushes the reader to the brink of death. they’re in his arms and convinced they’re about to die, so with their “dying” breath, they tell kaeya that they’re in love with him before the world goes black.

but then they wake up. 👁 (you know the drill—what happens next is completely up to you!!!)

featuring: kaeya x gn!reader

warnings: good ol' angst, some descriptions of blood, lots of typos lol

published: may 27, 2021

form: imagine

a/n: hi anon!! i'm glad you liked that imagine www and thank you for sending me ideas again! you know how much i love angst and kaeya lol~ also please forgive me for making it so long, i tried to challenge my writing abilities a bit more.

You came into this mission knowing that it would be quite a bit more difficult than the ones you typically took on. You were merely a B-rank knight, working on your certification to reach A-rank status, which definitely was not an easy feat. Yet the open commission to investigate a newly-uncovered set of ruins in Dadaupa Gorge was requiring one more member of the dual-member expedition team. When you saw who had occupied the first position for the mission, you threw caution to the wind and signed your name for position two, despite the mission being ranked A-level, at the very least. The occupied position? Filled by none other than Kaeya Alberich, captain of the Knights of Favonius cavalry, S-rank soldier and swordsman, and your former mentor. Who also happened to be the man you had hopelessly fallen for.

The mission was assigned by the headquarters of the Knights, specifically for fully-trained Knights only, as the nature of the mission would be too dangerous for your run-of-the-mill adventurer team, and the Knights did not want to be held accountable for any potential casualties or injuries as a result of a mission gone wrong. You and Kaeya had been assigned to go investigate a newly-uncovered set of ruins in the Whispering Woods, supposedly already showing signs of being an Abyss rendezvous point. Apparently, the team of archaeologists who uncovered the ancient rocks from behind a thicket of trees had had many difficulties even making it back to the city of Mondstadt alive. You were frightened, no doubt about it, but you also knew that this was your chance. Your chance to prove yourself and your capability as a knight. Back in your training days before you took the certification exam to become a knight, you were Kaeya’s favorite pupil, a star student. Also possessing a Cryo vision, like the captain himself, certainly did not hurt your reputation in his eyes. Now, having taken on and excelled at countless dangerous B-rank missions, you felt confident in your ability to take on a mere A-rank mission, especially with the captain of the cavalry at your side.

You had almost forgotten about the icy presence at your side, lost in your own daydreams of ambition. After following the paths leading out of Mondstadt, weapons and supplies ready at hand, you and Kaeya had finally made it to the edge of the Whispering Woods. It was starting to get dark, even though the two of you had left reasonably early in the day. The woods seemed so much more vast when their shadows grew longer, waning by the last seams of daylight. Faint howling moaned through the leaves (”Wolves? In the Whispering Woods?”, you thought to yourself), and you felt yourself tremble in the slightest. You couldn’t tell if it was due to the fear or the overwhelmingly strong Cryo aura that Kaeya emitted.

The tall man seemed unaffected by the ominous surrounding, forever carrying himself with an unwavering assuredness. He looked onwards, into the woods, eyes darting back and forth, exhibiting the remarkable surveying skills of a seasoned knight.

“Well, [y/n]”, Kaeya turned to you, with that smug yet rather comforting voice of his. “Are you ready?”

Kaeya’s unshakeable confidence was rather spiriting, you had to admit. Nothing like traipsing into a wild forest, overrun with archons-know-what, with only your own wits and a cunning, distractingly handsome knight to guide you.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose”, you replied, trying to hide the rookie anxiety from trembling your voice. Damn it, you weren’t even a rookie. You were one of the more experienced knights in the entire Knights of Favonius. You could handle this. Plus, Kaeya has your back. In all the years you had known him, Kaeya had never dropped that rogue-ish grin off of his delicate countenance--he had the face of a prince, but marred with the implications of his mysterious eyepatch (he had never told you how he had lost that eye) and the pierce of his sly smile. It made him all so painfully attractive.

You hate to recall the very first day you met him, the two of you only teenagers, barely adults grown into their own skin, yet he stood at the front of the training yard like the prolific swordsman he was, tan skin gleaming beneath the summer sun, hair tied behind his neck, sinewy muscles stretching as he maneuvered the sword in his hand like it was an extension of his own being. That day, you swore that you would become like Kaeya, that you would learn all you possibly could from him. That was also the day you had fallen hopelessly for the charismatic boy, though you were not aware of it just yet.

Trudging into the forest, you made sure to clutch the weapon at your side a little tighter, wary of any potential threats that could appear in front of you at any moment. You never know how much the Abyss mages could use their magic--they are always using the spirits of Teyvat for evil. Although you had only encountered Abyss mages a small handful of times in your past B-rank missions, you already knew how perilous an interaction with any of them could be. The last time you and a partner engaged with a Pyro mage, you left the site with severe magic burns to your side, which took at least three months to fully heal. Looking at Kaeya, he appeared to be as relaxed as ever, both hands loosely tucked into his pockets, his steps led by his elegant hips. The eerie silence of the woods didn’t seem to bother him at all, a comfortable void between the both of you.

“So, captain”, you begun, doing your best to break the proverbial ice a bit, trying not to let the emptiness of the whole forest get to your head. “How have you been? It’s been a while since we last took an assignment together, I believe. 3 months already, isn’t it?”

Kaeya chuckled. “Oh, drop the formalities, [y/n].” He looked at you with his singular, unobscured eye with a teasing glance. “You’ve always known me as just Kaeya, havent you?”

Blood rushed to your face, although not entirely unwelcome, due to the chilliness of the forest. You hoped that the twilight shadows could hide your red cheeks from the man beside you.

“To answer your question, I am doing exceptionally well, thank you”, he smirked. “Although, the last time I did see you was only about a month ago, at the Windblume Ball. Not sure if you remember it all though—you were rather... intoxicated, it seemed.”

Oh, archons. You didn’t know if your face could possivly get any redder from the embarassment. The Windblume Ball was a month prior, hosted by the Knights for all citizens of Mondstadt to attend, to end the Windblume Festival with a night of wine, music, and dancing. Your group of friends within the Knights convinced you to attend along with them, though they didnt quite succeed at convincing you to finally confess your attraction to the captain of the cavalry himself. You acquiesced only on the condition that you would not have to interact with Kaeya at all that night. The anxiety was simply too much and you did not want to deal with the potential situation of seeing Kaeya in formalwear and absolutely losing your mind, let alone Kaeya seeing you dancing and drinking.

“Oh, come on, [y/n]”, your friends had whined. “If you don’t tell him now, when will you ever? He most definitely finds you attractive, as well.” Chuckling, you took a sip of the wine lrovided by the Dawn Winery. You cringed at the sourness of cheap grapes. “I’ll tell him when I’m dead.” You took another sip of the wine, but over the rim of the glass, you saw the one person you were hell-bent on avoiding.

Kaeya Alberich stood across the room, talking to one of the other knights. He was dressed to the nines, in clothing you had never seen him don before. His hair was parted neatly, his long lovelock secured by a large sapphire band. His lean, upper body was covered by a three piece suit, fitted perfectly around his narrow waist, tailcoat resting neatly by his thick, carved thighs. His pants were pressed tightly, without a wrinkle, and he had brought along his usual white fur cape, giving him the sophisticated look of a king.

In awe, you spluttered in your drink as he caught your eye from across the room, clearly noticing you were staring at him. You turned the other way, seeing that your friends were making fun of your oblivious gawking, and they now excitedly pointed behind you, mouthing the words he’s coming! You tried your best to smooth down your hair and pat down your outfit, before turning back around to see that the captain was standing in front of you, face-to-face, with his hand outstretched.

He looked even more sparklingly glamorous up close, an image of old-world elegance that you never knew him capable of portraying. You suddenly felt more drunk than any cheap wine could possibly make you. Kaeya looked at you, a gleam in his eye, and asked

“May I have this dance, [y/n]?”

The rest of the night was a blur, what with your continued consumption of alcohol, convincing yourself you needed to periodically top up your liquid courage. Kaeya had asked you for a few more dances, as far as you remembered. But from what you could recall, he was just as elegant and charismatic as you had always remembered him to be. He never made you feel out of place.

It was awful that Kaeya only seemed to remember how disgustingly drunk you were, but you were thankful at least that he didn’t seem to recall the perpetual state of flusteredness you were in that night, by his mere presence beside you, and his hands guiding yours as you both danced to the upbeat music of the band.

“Archons, I assure you that I am not the unabashed drunkard I may have seemed to be that night”, you chuckled.

Kaeya let out a hearty laugh, his voice reminding you of the sounds of the bells ringing atop the Cathedral. “Of course not, my dear”, he drawled. “I’ve met many a drunkard in my day—you are far from one; I promise.”

You and Kaeya kept on your way in this manner, making pleasant small talk to fill the silence. You didn’t dare tell him for fear of seeming a coward, but hearing his voice and reminiscing with him diminished the fright you initially felt, entering the woods and taking on this assignment. Kaeya was a master conversationalist, and diplomat too, no doubt, always knowing what to say at what time. His warm remarks and playful banter took your mind off of the imminent danger of your situation, and you didn’t notice the path you were both on narrowing. The sun had already set, and the woods were doused in an eerie darkness, and as you and Kaeya approached the vicinity of the ruins, the thickets grew denser and the tree branches hung lower. Not a sound could be heard--

Until suddenly, Kaeya stepped in front of you, blocking your path with an arm outstretched. Shit. You smelled Abyss magic. How could you have possibly missed the putrid scent of sulfur before?

Kaeya’s grin had fallen. His attention was now beyond only you, as if trying to detect something he sensed nearby. Out of nowhere, a hum grew, louder, until an earblasting pop rang out in front of you and Kaeya, and in its place were three Pyro Abyss mages. Three. You could handle one, if you had a partner with you, but three?

Terror ran down your spine, knowing how difficult your Cryo vision could be against a Pyro mage. Your hand unsheathed the sword at your side with blinding speed, just like you were trained, but before you could even take a step forward, Kaeya was already charging at the mages, ice blasting forth from his swordtip, smashing up against the mages’ shields.

“Aren’t ya glad I caught that, [y/n]?” Kaeya teased, sword cutting through the air and the force fields surrounding the mages, as their strained groans pierced the night air. His movements were swift and effortless; at times his movements were so fast that it looked like he teleported from one spot to the next. This was the grace, the beauty of a true prodigy. “If I hadn’t stopped you, we would’ve been roast boar by now!”

You jumped into action, assisting Kaeya with his assaults against the mages, doing your best to dodge the onslaught of fireballs. You felt the heat of the fire magic graze your extremities more than once, counting your blessings that it was nothing critical. The way the two of you moved in unison, one complementing the other, like an avalanche of piercing ice, was a testament to the years of experience you gained in under Kaeya’s expert tutelage. One sword piercing the left, the other the right, until you both had broken down two of the Pyro mages’ shields. You had never gotten through their force fields in such rapid succession before, you thought, in awe. Swinging your sword calculatedly, whilst utilizing your vision and shooting out ice crystals, you defeated the mage, dealing a killing blow, piercing its side with your sword. You watched the creature groan out gutturally, and eventually dissipate into ash, drifting away.

Turning around, you noticed that Kaeya had already taken care of the other mage, already breaking down the final one’s shield. He dodged each blast of Pyro magic with grace and ease, not even showing any sign of fatigue.

“Hey, good work rookie!”, Kaeya teased, activating his ultimate Cryo weapon, sending a halo of ice crystals about his body, knocking into the mage’s shield with every swing.

You huffed. “I’m not a rookie”, you called back, joining him in his siege upon the last enemy. Exhaustion was quickly catching up to you, although you tried to hide it. You couldn’t let Kaeya down.

Over and over, the pair of you banged upon the force field with your swords, with more difficulty than any of the previous mages. This one was different, somewhat stronger. The grass surrounding the two of you was already lit up in flames, licking at your ankles. If you even so much as tripped, the heat would probably damage you more than a fireball could.

“Watch out, rookie”, Kaeya yelled in your directions, trying to be heard above the cackling of the mage and the raging flames, already beginning to catch onto the trees nearby. The night was filled with a reddish glow--hellish and suffocating. “I think it’s about to activate it’s ultimate.”

The cackling grew louder, as you worked yourself into a frenzy, shooting more and more ice crystals, trying to break it’s force field. Three, dragon-like heads began to emerge around where the mage floated. Fuck. The fire-breathers were out. You had only ever fought a Pyro mage that could use fire-breathers once before--that also happened to be the instance that caused you to be an invalid for several months, healing from a deep flesh burn. But Kaeya was here this time. Things would be okay, right?

You could tell Kaeya was growing panicked as well, his swings becoming a bit more hurried and erratic. You didn’t know, but he was deathly worried about you. He had no idea how experienced you were with dodging the fire-breathers, and he knew he had to make quick work of the blasted mage before things could escalate, Archons forbid you get hurt. Kaeya activated his ultimate once more, and, finally, the mage’s shield broke.

You heaved a sigh of relief, closing in on the Pyro mage. Kaeya’s strength and incredible reliability in battle did not fail to impress you, even beyond just the prowess he had demonstrated as a trainee and a mentor. You finally activated your own ultimate, summoning a boulder made of hard ice. Approaching the mage as you saw it struggle to get up off the ground, the ice in your boulder began to form, and you willed it to hurl towards the mage, intending to finish it off. Finally, you would show Kaeya your true strength, your capability. He could depend on you. Hell, you were his star student. Even if you were afraid to tell him about how he had stolen your heart, you could at least show him that the time and effort he had dedicated to you wasn’t for naught.

The seconds slowed down, as the blinding white ice made its way through the air, aimed straight at the pathetic mage, groveling in the dirt. But beyond the ice, was something even brighter, not making its way to the mage; no, it was headed straight at you. A fireball.

You felt an excruciating pain on your left side, right below your ribcage. A scream in the distance--the mage? No; it was Kaeya’s voice. The white-hot pain blinded you, as you felt your back make contact with the hard ground beneath you. Dammit. Dammit, dammit, dammit. Archons, what will Kaeya think?

Vaguely willing your arm to press into your side to assess the damage, you felt warm, sticky liquid pooling on your waist. Lifting a hand, you saw it drenched in crimson blood, dark in the moonlight. You heard another scream again nearby, this time coming from the guttural squeaks you knew was the mage, the dying cries of a pitiful monster. At once, a pair of arms lifted you from the ground, supporting your head. What a damned disappointment you were.

“[y/n]! [Y/N]! DAMMIT!” You had never heard Kaeya this worked up before. The pain of hearing the panic in his voice was also tinged with a selfish gladness that he cared, that Kaeya Alberich gave a damn if you died. Because, in that moment, you were certain you would die.

Straining out a chuckle, your chest racked up a wet cough, sticky blood now staining the edges of your lips. I’ll tell him when I’m dead, you once said. Well, isn’t this all quite ironic.

“Fucking hell, [y/n], I need you to keep your eyes open”, Kaeya commanded. He was using his captain voice, the one that only comes out when a new recruit wasn’t following orders. “Rookie, don’t you dare pass out on me.” His voice wavered.

Would it be worth it to tell him now? Did you want his last memory of you to be a pathetic, wishful fantasy spilling forth from your bloodstained lips, like the nonsense uttered by a mere child? Your vision spun faster, losing sight of Kaeya, hovering over you. You couldn’t make out his features too clearly in the darkness, but something about the wet drops of water landing on your cheeks told you that it wasnt more blood. You supposed that you should do yourself justice and at least keep the one promise you made that night in Mondstadt.

Straining to open your mouth, you uttered, “Kaeya, I—”

But before you could muster the strength to speak another word, your vision went dark.

*****

The first thing you heard when you woke up was the sound of birds chirping. The second was a silent snoring sound coming from somewhere to your right.

Cracking your weary eyes open, you sensed the faint light of the early morning coming in through an nearby window. Getting your bearings, you realized you had woken up in the Knights of Favonius headquarters hospital. Your damaged adventurer’s clothes were gone, and instead you could feel bandages dressed around the wound at your side. Oh, right. You thought you had died.

Trying to sit up, you fekt an excruciating pain burn through the side of your body that had been hit, setting your nerves on fire. You hissed, and the snoring beside you abruptly stopped.

“Archons, you’re awake.”

Kaeya sat up from the chair he had apparently been sleeping in, still dressed in his captain’s armor, just as dirt-covered and singed as when you last saw him. Was that only last night? You figured Kaeya must have hurried you back to the city before your condition could get any worse.

Fuck. As all your memories of the prior night came flooding back, your eyes pooled up with salty tears. Not only had you cone closest to death than you’ve ever had, you had completely disappointed Kaeya and made a fool of yourself in front of him.

“Kaeya, I’m so sorry—”, you started.

Your words were interrupted by the man next to you leaping into your embrace, arms wrapping your shoulders where you were not injured. “Dammit, [y/n]. When won’t you just shut up.” His voice was muffled by his face buried into your neck. “You don’t have to say a word.”

It scared you, seeing him vulnerable. The ever-cocky and cunning captain of the cavalry, the man who always had a plan and was never caught off-guard. Now, a man bearing his innermost emotions to you, little old you. Had he heard what you begun to tell him last night? Or were things going to return back to the way they were, you admiring his dazzling beauty from a distance, comfortable yet agonized at the degree of separation.

You hoped to the archons for the latter. You hoped that it wouldn’t take another instance where you almost lost your life for the love you felt for him to spill forth. Archons, even if you had to die, it would still all be worth it, if it were with him at your side.

Kaeya trembled as he pressed himself deeper into you, desperately clinging on. “Don’t you dare open your mouth, rookie”, he chided. “I don’t want to hear something you’ll only tell me when you’re almost gone. Please just let me do the talking.”

Pulling back, you looked at him in confusion. His hair was disheveled, eyepatch slightly askew, yet his face was full of an almost childlike wonder, akin to the gleam he possessed when you had first met him, however many years ago.

“Do you think I did it all for nothing?” Kaeya looked at you. “Do you think all those years of training together, eating together, soarring together, was all because I thought you had potential as a soldier? The private walks through Windrise, the nights spent at the tavern, the dance, that damned dance we shared—what did you think that was?” Desperate and exhausted, Kaeya’s eye began to shimmer with tears. “Fucking hell, [y/n]. I’ve always loved you. Since the very beginning, you idiot. Why else would I dedicate all my time, all my energy to you and only you?” He grasped your shoulders tighter. “If you think that I haven’t been madly in love with you since I first laid eyes upon you that day, then you’re fucking wrong.”

You cut him off, burying your hands into his hair—pain be damned—and kissed him. It was bitter and metallic, the taste of both of your blood on your tongue. Kaeya’s neck was ice cold, but his cracked lips were thick and warm, and when you pulled away from them, you suddenly felt like you could take on the world.

“Well”, you remarked. “I’m glad that we got that out of the way.”

a/n: uhuhuhu this is pretty long but i hope you like it! i wanted to improve my writing a bit and elaborate on descriptions a bit more, so i hope i did your request justice!

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin headcanons #genshin imagines #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin x reader #kaeya #kaeya headcanons #kaeya imagines #kaeya x reader #kaeya alberich #genshin impact kaeya #angst #genshin angst

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