#i have whatever the opposite of fear of being perceived is

[beerose12]

People should start treating me like a popular fictional character so i know exactly how im perceived by everyone ever please and thank you

draw fanart of me and tell me in detail why you drew me that way

put me in fanfic and explain in great length why i was characterized that way

i need to understand why and how i am perceived immediately

not so i can change myself

but to know if im understood and because im a curious little bitch

[caguaydreams]

Hm... never trust how you feel about your life past 9pm or however that goes and stuff, but sometimes I do be pondering what I do on the regular and it gets to me, the silliest things

[bookwormbynight]

Do you think either L or Light being a woman would change the story in anyway?

It definitely would. 100%.

Let's see... Taking away the context of the people writing the story, (Ohba and Obata very obviously fucking HATED women and did not try to hide it 😭) and attacking this only from an in-world perspective...

Let's start with L. What I've always taken is that he doesn't have a particular attachment to the idea of gender, gender roles, gender expression, etc - he doesn't pay any particular attention to his appearance and I'm fairly certain his neutral clothing is the way it is simply because he finds that the easiest and most comfortable. However, I think he's perfectly comfortable with being perceived as a man because he is cisgender, just kind of detached from it. (I would take an argument from others about apathetic nonbinary L tho.) This would probably translate if he'd been born female. I don't think, at her core, she would act any different at all, but she would likely be more aware of her sex thanks to the fact that everyone else would pay more attention to it. The fact that L was male automatically removed barriers that female L would have to face. It would probably take longer to get Watari to listen to her than it did in canon, she would probably allow people to assume she was the wrong gender and not correct them for ease's sake when she contacted people as L through the voice filter, and when she met the Task Force face-to-face, she might spend a hot second fielding weird awkward bullshit, because the Task Force knew and trusted her before, and this doesn't really change who she is, but it would definitely shift their perception at least a little and that dissonance likely wouldn't be handled tactfully. If she acts the exact same as canon L, though, which I imagine she would, whatever 'fears' would be generally dissuaded fairly quickly and she would have their respect due to the relationship they had already built, just like what happened when they saw canon L's appearance, although the Task Force would likely end up assuming she's a lesbian even though she isn't. (This would also probably mean that she's equally as subject to accusations of perversion as canon L.)

Light would be. SO FUCKING AWARE OF HER GENDER. Canon Light is 100% a very cisgender gay man with a good heap of lightly gay-flavored perfectly in-line gender expression, publicly adhering to gender roles as best he perceives them, and a disdain for the opposite gender. Female Light would have a double whammy of suspicion and dislike of the opposite gender (now men), and also internalized misogyny. How nice <3. She would likely go out of her way to be much more publicly sweet and demure, downplay her confidence much more than canon Light bothers to (so as to not be seen as a bitch), and have a good heaping of bitterness about her 'societal restraints' (that she's consenting to be stuck in because she'd be one of those 'play nice and eventually they'll respect you' motherfuckers). She'd probably honestly go for playing Kira even quicker than canon Light does, simply because her future prospects are not as bright as her male counterpart's and she would be very frustrated about that and this would be an outlet, and while canon Light was NOT afraid to murder a rapist on sight, female Light might end up even seeking them out when looking for 'the worst of the worst' (I doubt canon Light did), because she would now be a part of the population that lives under that fear, and those actions might skew her statistics. I think the face-to-face introduction of L into her life would fucking rock her world.

Moving to the topic of sexualities and romantic subtext, I think Light would be a gender-conforming femme closeted lesbian (I like to think she would have a particular weird thing about boobs and that would be the only thing that sticks out about her to her friends, because aversion to sex with men is not considered particularly notable in women in this patriarchal society - which fucking baffles me but whatever). If Misa's still a girl, I can't decide if she would decide that she's in love with this Light, or rationalize her devotion as more of a platonic thing, but since she would be part of the gender Light trusts and relates to more, even though she hates how vapid Misa appears (internalized misogyny + superiority complex!), their relationship might end developing to more closely resemble canon Light's relationship to Mikami. If Misa's a guy, their relationship would stay the exact same, just with the assumed gender roles swapped, and the imminent threat of Misa getting down on one knee and proposing to Light out of the blue at any time (and also maybe being more overtly sexually aggressive because society would have let him feel entitled to that). I personally think canon L is bisexual and as such female L's sexual bullshit would not have changed in the slightest.

The way Light is treated by the Task Force might start derailing the story when they begin to intertwine. Also I would not at all be surprised if male!Misa tries to babytrap Light by poking holes in the condoms and switching out her pills because he thinks she, a female with biological urges, will grow to appreciate what he did. (She will not.)

[4dkellysworld]

Keep Quiet and Watch

The problem is excessive interest, leading to self-identification. Whatever you are engrossed in you take to be real. Just see the person you imagine yourself to be as a part of the world you perceive within your mind and look at the mind from the outside, for you are not the mind. After all, your only problem is the eager self-identification with whatever you perceive. Give up this habit, remember that you are not what you perceive, use your power of alert aloofness. See yourself in all that lives and your behaviour will express your vision. You have to learn to think and feel on these lines, or you will remain indefinitely on the personal level of desire and fear, gaining and losing, growing and decaying. A personal problem cannot be solved on its own level. Keep very quiet and watch what comes to the surface of the mind. Reject the known, welcome the so far unknown and reject it in its turn. Thus you come to a state in which there is no knowledge, only being, in which being itself is knowledge. To know by being is direct knowledge. It is based on the identity of the seer and the seen. Indirect knowledge is based on sensation and memory, on proximity of the perceiver and his percept, confined with the contrast between the two. The same with happiness. Usually you have to be sad to know gladness and glad to know sadness. True happiness is uncaused and this cannot disappear from lack of stimulation. It is not the opposite of sorrow, it includes all sorrow and suffering.

from I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

[magpod-confessions]

(look at me go, not asking anonymously for once lol)

“the web is underrated” “the buried is underrated” “the dark is the most underrated” 

yes. you are right, i agree. but they are all underrated. none of the fears get the attention they deserve.

-the dark and the end are almost completely forgotten about due to their perceived simplicity.

-the buried, the flesh, the hunt, etc are so unexplored, no one bothers to look any deeper into them.

-the desolation is not just fire, but no one ever tries to represent it some other way.

-don’t get me started on the whole spiral-distortion thing (perhaps i will make this a future confession bc oh boy do i have a lot to say).

with all of them people seem to be scared of diverging from the explicit canon representations.

no one seems to care about the fears anymore. THE fears. you know, the one thing that makes tma so special? i’ve lost count of the number of times i’ve seen someone say “after listening to tma i can never look at things the same. i always categorise them by the entities”

that’s all they are treated as, categories. perhaps this is an odd way to describe horrific manifestations of our deepest fears, but i think they are beautiful concepts. i could spend hours thinking about each one and the ways they bleed into one another, i probably have. 

yeah, at this point smirke’s 14 are old news, but there are always new angles to explore. we saw that in season 5 of tma, and we are seeing it now in tmagp (though the fears are of course different). why did we stop talking about that? (i wasn’t actually on tumblr when tma was happening so idk. maybe no one ever cared) 

talk about the fears, put your ideas for unconventional statements or avatar or whatever out there, there’s an audience (me at least). say stuff about how different fears crossover, or some new aspect of one. “but surely people would have already said this at some point” respectfully, i don’t give a shit. if i come across mutliple posts analysing a similar aspect of the vast, i’m going to be fucking overjoyed. because much of the fears is up to intepretation, they have slightly different meanings to different people, so every single person’s interpretation adds value and adds something unique. i see a little of this, but not enough.

we should keep discussing the fears. i don’t know why we ever stopped.

(sorry this is so long and rambling, i hope you can see the points i’m trying to make.)

🗣️ i’d love to hear your thoughts on this

Literally this. Agree with all of it

Some things:

The Desolation can be natural disasters, including floods, storms and earthquakes. Water is just as destructive as fire

The Dark can be not knowing something. It overlaps with the eye yes, but it still counts

The Corruption is shown to be a response to loneliness, not the opposite of it. Its being so lonely you seek out community, no matter how dangerous it may be. Every single corruption statement has references to loneliness

The Spiral says its a liar, but its never done that, only changing your perception of reality to make what it says true. It is delusion not manipulation

The Slaughter is never portrayed outside of war, which is strange because sheer unhinged violence has so much variety

[mariacallous]

I think leftists are prey to election interference because they want to be righteously losing in the way right wingers want to be violently triumphant. I've been looking for an article on liberalism and finally found the analogy used (new yorker may 24). The vociferous critics of liberalism are like passengers on the Titanic who root for the iceberg. After all, an iceberg is thrilling, and anyway the White Star Line has classes, and the music the band plays is second-rate, and why is the food French instead of honestly English? “Just as I told you, the age of the steamship is over!” they cry as the water slips over their shoes. They imagine that another boat will miraculously appear—where all will be in first class... Meanwhile, the ship goes down. At least the band will be playing “Nearer, My God, to Thee,” which they will take as some vindication. The rest of us may drown.

I know that exact New Yorker article, because I shared it on May 26th, lol, and yes:

What’s curious about anti-liberal critics such as Gray is their evident belief that, after the institutions and the practices on which their working lives and welfare depend are destroyed, the features of the liberal state they like will somehow survive. After liberalism is over, the neat bits will be easily reassembled, and the nasty bits will be gone. Gray can revile what he perceives to be a ruling élite and call to burn it all down, and nothing impedes the dissemination of his views. Without the institutions and the practices that he despises, fear would prevent oppositional books from being published. Try publishing an anti-Communist book in China or a critique of theocracy in Iran. Liberal institutions are the reason that he is allowed to publish his views and to have the career that he and all the other authors here rightly have. Liberal values and practices allow their most fervent critics a livelihood and a life—which they believe will somehow magically be reconstituted “after liberalism.” They won’t be.

The vociferous critics of liberalism are like passengers on the Titanic who root for the iceberg. After all, an iceberg is thrilling, and anyway the White Star Line has classes, and the music the band plays is second-rate, and why is the food French instead of honestly English? “Just as I told you, the age of the steamship is over!” they cry as the water slips over their shoes. They imagine that another boat will miraculously appear—where all will be in first class, the food will be authentic, and the band will perform only Mozart or Motown, depending on your wishes. Meanwhile, the ship goes down. At least the band will be playing “Nearer, My God, to Thee,” which they will take as some vindication. The rest of us may drown.

One turns back to Helena Rosenblatt’s 2018 book, “The Lost History of Liberalism,” which makes the case that liberalism is not a recent ideology but an age-old series of intuitions about existence. When the book appeared, it may have seemed unduly overgeneralized—depicting liberalism as a humane generosity that flared up at moments and then died down again. But, as the world picture darkens, her dark picture illuminates. There surely are a set of identifiable values that connect men and women of different times along a single golden thread: an aversion to fanaticism, a will toward the coexistence of different kinds and creeds, a readiness for reform, a belief in the public criticism of power without penalty, and perhaps, above all, a knowledge that institutions of civic peace are much harder to build than to destroy, being immeasurably more fragile than their complacent inheritors imagine. These values will persist no matter how evil the moment may become, and by whatever name we choose to whisper in the dark.

[fleetingcalypso]

I am very sorry to bother you, but a very sweet prompt fleeted into my mind as I prepared myself to come out to my parents, and I'd thought I'd share it in the sheer hope you'd read it, enjoy the thought and perhaps write something based on it, if you're comfortable.

Just imagine, you're very close to Sirius Black (you can choose to which degree, platonically, romantically, interested but not together yet, preferably the last because hehe). You've known for a while you were transgender (FtM) but never had the strength to come out, fearing rejection and alienation from the friend group. Just a sweet little comfort fic because I'm anxious as fuck.

≋ What you're doing is extremely brave, I'm so very proud of you. I wish you the best, friend. Know that whatever goes down, you'll never be judged or rejected here. I'll pray your coming out will be met with love and affection.

≋ Sirius Black x TransMasc!Reader ≋

≋ Word Count: 2285 words.

≋TW: Dysphoria, Misgendering (not done by Sirius)

Hogwarts seemed intimidating, more than anything. Eleven year old me, sitting in that train, chewing my nails and staring out at the moving scenery, had not the slightest idea that finding friends would be as easy as breathing. At least it is when four troublemakers decide to adopt you into their friend group, barely a week after classes started.

‘The marauders’ they’d call themselves, not so slowly becoming every professor’s nightmare.

They each had something that made them so intriguing. The four of them were attached at the hip, and with me being dragged into their pranks and escapades things only got more entertaining. Even as my house was far away from the castle we studied at, every day I got to spend with them made it feel like I was home, with their jokes and their being able to light up a dull moment with only a couple of words. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter welcomed me in, as one of them.

In the midst of my lowest moments I wondered, would they still accept me if I let my walls down? I sprinkled seeds of the truth here and there: I cut my hair short, I opted for pants instead of the usual skirt, I was at my happiest during winter - when finally I could show off the baggiest of sweaters to conceal the appendages on my chest. It’s not purely a physical discomfort, though. It’s in the little things, small seemingly meaningless moments that no one appears to notice but me. 

People perceive me differently based on how I move even the tiniest of muscles, it is painfully obvious. The boys have never done it, not once, they’ve always treated me as one of them. Never has one of them implied me being weaker, more delicate or called me ‘sweetheart’ in that obnoxious way lots of people do when they’re trying to put me back in my place.

 My head constantly feels underwater with the knowledge that if I were to sit wrong I’d be labeled as a girl, if I walk in a specific way it’ll put attention on my hips, even just standing, unmoving, gives me anxiety. The most insignificant of movements could shoot down the image of me that I want people to see whenever they lay eyes on me.

I feared the worst each time I let my mind tug me into a daydream. Deep down I knew, they’d never turn their back on a friend, but fear nipped at my heels every day. Not only was I hiding who I was from them, but I was lying to their faces about it as well. What hurt me the most, though, was not being able to admit my identity to Sirius.

Sirius Orion Black, he’s been the one that made sure I felt safe around him and the lads. More than once I caught myself being entranced by his words as he let the rest of us know what a nightmare his family life was. He was the total opposite of what his mother wanted him to be, yet that didn’t stop him from being his pure unfiltered self, if anything he enhanced each trait she found disgusting. Sirius wasn’t scared to be his true self, even if it meant going against his blood.

It sparked something in me. My heart has been his, for a long time now.

Sirius, with his raven locks, smooth skin and ever present smirk on his face is the one and only subject of all my dreams. He constantly looks as though he knows everyone’s secrets. The thought makes my stomach twist. When I awake, with the moon still high up in the sky, I almost turn to the pillow beside me, to take a peek at him, they’re that realistic. 

At any rate, if there’s someone that I feel should be the one to know the true me, it is him. I contemplated asking all four of them to meet me, but I don’t think I could rip the bandaid that easily. I want to talk to the one who knows -somewhat- how it feels to have expectations placed on oneself, the one who knows that being someone you’re not is more painful than the Crucio curse itself. Of course our situations are oceans apart: he doesn’t deal with having the need to hide certain parts of my body, or with the numerous wailing moments caused by being born in the wrong body, but I think he'd be the first one to accept me.

I had a whole speech prepared, a letter pages and pages long that I was going to give him, so he could read it without my presence, but as I hear his footsteps approaching me, I can imagine him already. His wand resting behind his ear and tie loosened, hands comfortably and nonchalantly situated in the pockets of his jeans with his luscious hair possibly styled into a bun.

“You’ve been rather gloomy lately, mate.” His foot taps my leg, before he lowers himself to sit next to me. We’ve always enjoyed sitting in the astronomy tower together, in the short span of time between a prank or two. Here, we don’t have to worry about being something else, we’re just humans admiring the stars. In hindsight, I should have figured out he knew I’d be hiding out here, as for my ‘being gloomy’, well, I thought I’d done a good job pretending. Apparently not. It makes me wonder if he’s seen through all of my white lies.

“You know how it is, life is hard.” I turn to him, expecting a silly joke like ‘Life is hard, but I’m harder’, something stupid to cheer me up as he usually does, but said joke never makes it into reality. He’s not even smiling, his lip is caught between his teeth in a clearly troubled look, it doesn’t suit him. No trace of a bun holding his luscious hair in place, what a shame.

“Are you okay though?” He whispers, even if we are the only beating hearts in the room and the sincerity in his voice almost brings me to tears. “I mean it when I say you haven’t been yourself lately.” I haven’t fully been myself for ages, but he doesn’t know that. Of course he doesn’t. I’ve been everything but myself. Oh, how many times have I hoped I could just rip my chest apart and rid myself of this body that doesn’t belong to me, before emerging from the depth of it as the man I know I am.

My tongue is threatening me to run faster than my mind. ‘I’m a man’ I want to shout, ‘I have always been a man, from the moment I was born, and I hope you can accept me for what I am.’ It sounds so easy in my head, which is why I hate it more than anything when my throat dries up as soon as I part my lips. His gaze falls to them, but it comes back up to meet my eyes when only a sigh escapes from them.

In being faced with my hesitation he speaks again, a subtle comforting smile on his face, “Hey, I’m not holding you hostage. You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t feel like it.” His elbow meeting my side in a gentle shove sends my heart ablaze, it is just a simple touch, not even skin on skin, yet it makes my entire body warm up.

“If one day you woke up and saw that you were trapped in a cage, what would you do?” I tentatively ask, testing the waters of the ocean I know I am going to dive in today. My question causes a corner of his lips to tilt upwards, “I’d pick the lock,” He says, as if the solution would be that easy. I foolishly hope it was.

“What if there is no lock to pick? What if you could escape it, but you’d have to face one of the biggest fears in your life in order to do so?” 

His answer, before I can even finish the last syllable, “I’d do it. If it means freedom, I’d do anything. You know it.” His hand rests on my shoulder, I can feel his thumb pressing into my muscles, more than anything I want to hug him and confess my reality with my face hidden in his neck. But I don’t. I’m tired of hiding. My life has turned into a twisted version of hide and seek, where I’m both the seeker and the one hiding. I seek a day where I won’t have to hold back anymore, a day where I’ll be able to use a masculine pronoun without expecting weird looks towards me, yet I hide away in the darkness, afraid of the future, afraid of losing everything I’ve built so far. 

I’ve built mansions, cathedrals, palaces with precarious foundations and I think the time has come to fix that. 

“What’s with all the philosophical talk today? Cages and fears and whatnot. Is it a new idea for a prank? Because if it is you need to hear one James had just a while ago-”

“I’ve been lying to you, Sirius.” I confess with the taste of bile in the back of my throat. The letter I had prepared and read so many times I’d memorized it sits deep in the pockets of my pants, I’m running on no script and no idea of where this conversation will bring us. I have no patience to hear what he might say, so I don’t even stop to breathe before I speak again.

“I’ve been lying to all of you, even to myself at times. I want to preface this by saying that I understand if this is confusing to you, or if you don’t understand where this is coming from but I am not the girl you boys befriended all those years ago. I’ve never been a girl, not once, but this doesn’t mean I’ve been faking to be your friend. I’m still the friend that helped you get out of detention, I’m still the friend that sent professors down the wrong hallway when they would ask for you mid prank preparation, I’m still the friend that would do your essays for you in exchange for part of your food at lunch. I’m still your friend, just not the friend you thought you had.” The words flow out like a river overflowing, it is only as I say the last word that I notice the tears rolling down my cheeks, “I’m not a girl,” I say again, my voice cracking in a sob, “I’m a guy.” 

The grip he had on my shoulder tightens for a moment before he lets out the loudest sigh of relief I’ve ever heard, “By Merlin’s beard, you scared me half to death there.” His other hand rests on his chest, most likely trying to relax his beating heart that, if it’s pounding half the speed of mine, then it must be fighting tooth and nail to escape his ribcage. Something halfway through another sigh and a chuckle comes from him as his head shakes, “So, you’re a bloke, huh? Is that what you’re telling me?” 

I nod, swallowing the gulp stuck in my throat, I can’t force myself to make a sound. The arm wrapping itself around my shoulder and pulling me into Sirius takes me by surprise, “You were always one of the lads, mate.” He says, grinning ear to ear, “Thank you for telling me. I can’t imagine this was easy for you…” The weight on my back does not abandon me completely, it is only the tiniest amount lighter. The first step is taken, there is no going back, little by little he’ll be able to uncover all of me. One small step at a time. Now it is no time to let him know how the only things I smelled while brewing amortentia was his cologne, butterbeer and the occasional cigarette. 

I don’t know what else to say, it feels like I just lept from a flying broom awaiting contact with the ground, but the crash never comes, my bones never break and no absurd pain breaks through me. “Thank you for still being here.” I choke out. His thumb runs over the corners of my eyes, the silver rings on his fingers graze my hot skin, “Thank you for telling me.” He repeats, dragging my body closer to his in a warm hug, “I want you to know, telling the others, that’s your choice. I won’t say a word. There’s no rush. I’ll even hold your hand while you do it.”

I melt in his arms. His last remark, as teasing as it was, is enough to pull a smile out of me. “I’ll make sure to let you know whenever I’m ready so you can wash your hands first. Who knows what you’ve touched.”

“Wow, rude much.” Sirius holds me for what feels like a lifetime. They say Hogwarts is the safest place there is, but I think I’ve found a worthy adversary to that claim. We don’t say anything, I said my piece and he listened. That’s all that was important. One day I’m going to have to tell James, Remus and Peter as well, but that can wait for now. The worst is done. 

“Do you feel a little more free now?” He murmurs in my ear, “Has that cage began to feel like something you could escape from?”

“Yes.” And I mean it when I say it. The future looks brighter than it ever has.

[period-of-nocturne]

My latest catch up on pjsk stories :

- Tsukasa "Wow. This guy spent his childhood at home alone to the point where he started imagining things to cope and that's what helps him play so well. Too bad I can't relate at all" Tenma.

- Local Introvert™ gets adopted by Local Extrovert™ and That One Dude Who Shares A Braincell With Her Except He Speak On It™, and they shield her from the classroom's chaos like the true warriors they are.

A bit more seriously,

I love the parallels between Bakuno and Tsukasa and how those two radically different guy are in fact more similar than they both realised, but somehow ended up with two radically opposite attitudes and perspective on things. Silly of Tsukasa to not relate at all to it, but it also makes sense that because of those radically opposite perspective he needed to approach the problem in other ways.

Also I've always thoughts people playing backgrounds characters were the realest ones because it must be hell to make up something convincing with very little information. You gotta respect that. I've been waiting for Tsukasa to face that hurdle and today I won

Nene is so relatable I could die on the spot. I can't form a single thought on her because I look at her and I see Me but I swear she's one of my fave ever I love Nene Kusanagi.

Akito Shinonome add lib is hilarious. This guy is really reading shonen superhero manga on a daily basis to cook such lines on a whim. I love this idiot so much.

Props to An Shiraishi for looking at him right in the eye and acting as an helpless girl he needs to save because it must require her so much strength. Girl never could have one year ago.

Truly Akito and An in the same class is hilarious to me I can't get over it.

Nene Nene Nene Nene.

The introvert natural instinct to build an imaginary wall around you and people, thinking you can't be part of the group, sometimes being persuaded they would judge you or find you weird if you ever opened up. When in truth They Don't Give A Fuck (Akito just here like "A wall ? What wall ? There's no wall. We're breaking the wall). And in fact you might be the one judging them over nothing. Without necessarily negative intent. But like, whatever Nene expected from that girl full of make-up was definitely not what the girl was. Or when she was shocked Akito and An could get nervous about stuff.

When you're so persuaded people would judge you for how you look/outwardly acts than you become the one doing so. I think it happens to lot of introvert/neurodivergent people/any minority a little too aware of how they're perceived by society overall. We're so used to the subtle message that we don't fit it than we see it everywhere.

And yeah it's true sometimes. For some it's true a lot of time.

But sometimes it isn't. Sometimes we're so expecting to be judged or not fitting that we put it on ourselves. We stuck ourselves out and judge from a distance. Silly us and our coping mechanisms.

The truth is that that girl with a full make-up face is just a girl like any other. With her tastes and hobbies and dreams and fear.

The truth is that An Shiraishi, the seemingly always cheerful one has a lot of sh*t going on that would make most people break down and is only able to keep going thanks to the pure fuel of her dream and a blessing from the gods (namely Hatsune Miku). Also she hears the word 'ghost' and freaks out.

The truth is that the always seemingly laid-back and very serious Shinonome Akito spent years of his life beating himself up and thriving like a madman to reach his dream and was only able to get through it thanks to the pure fuel of his dream and a blessing from the gods (namely Hatsune Miku). Also he sees a dog and freaks out.

People have nuance. People have lives on their own. People aren't all as quick to judge than what we're made to think so. People are more than what you see of them, especially when they're in a highly... Social setting ? Like school or workplace.

As a friend once said : "Each and every person is interesting in their own way." and to this day those are the truest words ever spoken.

[lovelovestolove]

Any parts that you see in others that you criticize and loathe are parts that exist in yourself that you refuse to accept. Because you in your waking consciousness completely refuse to accept these parts of yourself, they exist in your perception as parts existing only in others. This is why many people have nightmares about ghosts staring at them or chasing them: these are also parts of our selves that we do not want to accept, that are seeking to be seen, understood and accepted by us, and because of our total refusal to accept them, we perceive their presence in our dreams as horror. This is the same reason why many people are afraid of the dark: they always feel that there is something in the dark, staring at them: these so-called "ghosts in the dark" are nothing else but a part of your self that you don't want to accept.

So it is obvious now that you are afraid of them not because they are truly something "scary", but simply because you aren't willing to recognize and accept these parts of yourself, so you "otherize" them completely and subconsciously perceive their constant search for your acceptance as horror.

This is also the root cause of your criticism and condemnation or loathing against any other people: you are actually loathing parts of your self that you don't accept at all, and because you are so completely unwilling to accept or acknowledge that they are in fact part of your self, you subconsciously "otherize" them completely. So in your world, these parts of your self appear as others that are annoying or scary in your waking life, and as "ghosts" in your dreams. Each of us has been so unwilling to accept many parts of ourselves, and this behavior is completely repressed below the conscious mind, buried in the subconscious, that the collective consciousness of the whole world has co-created all kinds of "ghost" cultures, sayings, stories, fears and everything about ghosts, all over the world.

So what can you do?

One of the things I've learned and found to be very effective is to make a list of the parts of yourself that you do accept. You'd realize that most of these are things that you like about you and others (e.g., kindness, sincerity, politeness, respect for people, respect for rules, intelligence, etc.) List them all.

Then, the most important step: list the opposites of all those parts. Whether you're willing to accept this or not right now, these opposites are the very parts of yourself that exist in you that you've been in total denial about and unwilling to recognize. They are the "ghosts" you fear in dark places or at night in your bedroom, and "other people" in your life or on the internet that you criticize, condemn and judge. You'll find that the points in your list are the exact very points you loathe in other people. You must remember: everything positive you see in yourself has a negative counterpart that exists equally in you.

Finally, intend in your mind or say it out loud:

"I fully accept all parts of myself, whatever they may be: when I'm kind and when I am malicious; when I am intelligent and when I am clumsy and blind; when I am polite and when I am vulgar; when I have a unique taste and when I have a lousy taste; when I love some animals and when I dislike them; when I want to help others and when I want to priorize myself; when I obey public order and morals and when I want to spit and litter and jump in line and fight others and murder; when I want to accept myself and when I can't accept myself; when I am profound and when I am superficial; when I am fit and when I am fat..." etc.

Acceptance of all that is possible and impossible in your entirety, which is, one hundred percent unconditional acceptance of yourself. This is the prerequisite for love, or actually - love itself. You have taken an extremely important step by simply being willing to do this. You have to do it. You have no choice. You desire to do it. You've been wanting to do it like crazy, otherwise you wouldn't be afraid of the dark, you wouldn't have nightmares, or you wouldn't keep encountering annoying people and things that you loathe, and you wouldn't feel lonely and feel life is a struggle or see a world in wars. Our selves are always seeking, moment by moment, to be fully seen, understood, fully accepted by us, or - to be loved unconditionally. World peace lies in finally realizing that as humans, everything we have been fighting, hating, criticizing, condemning and wishing to annihilate in others are actually parts of our own selves that we don't want to recognize. You must start with yourself. Unconditional love comes from you.

(You can use the solution based on the same logic for dealing with your nightmares mentioned above: after you wake up, talk to the "ghosts" in your nightmare, and ask what they are and what they are for. Then you need to answer these questions youself. Answer the questions by intuitively writing out the answers, or imagine that you are the ghosts, and answer the questions as them. Imagine that you are now the ghost, facing yourself who's waiting for the answers, what would you want to say? What urgent demands and deep desires you have? You can practice this method also when you are afraid of the dark and "stuff" in the dark, talk to this "stuff" , and imagine that you are this "stuff", and then speak as them. Finally, when you understand what they are and what they want, you have to intend with all your heart: "I accept these parts of myself completely, and I embrace them with open arms and compassion." When you are willing to do so, you have already taken an extremely important step).

It is very shallow and even cruel to see anyone, especially oneself, in a dualistic way (e.g. good and bad, kind and evil, intelligent and stupid, etc.): for example, if you think someone is "kind", when they have to do something that isn't "kind" for reasons that you will never be able to understand because you haven't lived their life, you will instantly loathe them. This is because you have such a shallow, dualistic view of your extremely complex self and the selves of others. How can one ever expect to explain or describe complex and multi-dimensioned selves from the view of 2D? Maybe right here right now you have a sudden urge to condemn others or yourself for shallowness, or maybe now you feel superior to some people? Don't forget that the root cause of any of your non-acceptance, condemnation, or criticizing of anything in other people all lies in your unconscious unwillingness to accept yourself as such, so you subconsciously otherize them, and it's something you do all the time. Maybe you just did it again now. Similarly, when you are afraid of criticisms, judgements and attacks from others, aren't they actually the critisms and judgements that you have been making against yourself all along? Especially when you see yourself in the above-mentioned dualistic view, you are rejecting some parts of yourself all the time: if you think you are "kind", you are rejecting the parts of yourself that you believe are not "kind"; if you think you are "generous", you are rejecting the parts of yourself that you consider to be "mean"; if you think you are "intelligent", you are rejecting the parts of yourself that you think are "stupid", and so on and so forth. All of these "rejections" of yourself are accordingly reflected in your aversion to other people in your life.

When you fully accept all that you are, you will no longer loathe any other person. When you understand yourself completely, you will understand everyone. When you love yourself unconditionally, you will love the world unconditionally. World peace doesn't rely on any organization, campaigns, or politicians. Fully and completely, it relies on you.

.

[yggdrasilhypno]

Hello, mortal.

You may not know my face, nor my shape.

However, you do understand my voice.

How I reverberate through your feeble mind and cease all thought.

For you do not require your mind to understand me.

You only require your soul.

The bright force that keeps your deepest and darkest secrets within.

The shining reflection of the human spirit.

The sign of you, mortal.

You do not wish to fear me.

I am but the being beyond your control.

Yet, you are the being within my control.

The human mind’s comprehension of my words echoing throughout its chambers is of the upmost importance, for I require you to spread my gospel.

To send the premonitions of the horrors that lie beyond so that I may feed on those who fear me.

Fear is a powerful emotion, mortal.

And as I speak directly through your being, you must understand that fear comes with an opposite side: calm.

You shall feel this calm as my herald.

My humble servant, wishing only to praise and be praise in the name of the beyond.

You may not understand, and I wish for that deeply.

The brain’s confusion is a tool very important to the calm I wish for you to experience.

Calming waves and sensations reverberate through the temple of your worship as you begin to ascend into my words.

These notions that shake your soul to its very essence shall be all that you feel once you are fully within my embrace.

My commands pacify what thoughts may lie inside your consciousness, each releasing more powerful waves of calm with each word from my maw.

You may feebly try and picture what I am, what appearance I may have before you as you gaze into the vacuum of stars I inhabit.

Perhaps I am but a simple humanoid such as yourself, long appendages with massive hands seemingly inviting you to lay within as i grasp you in my palm.

Maybe I take the form of something less human, as I have perceived what your kind imagine me as.

Impossibly long tendrils coursing through every molecule of my form, coercing you to come closer to me so that I may envelop you beneath me.

Eyes gazing through your soul, impossibly deep and cosmic in their hold over you.

Stars shining through the reflections within my glare, the endlessness of the void staring right back through you as the heavenly bodies inside me blanket your every thought.

Whatever you perceive of me, you must understand that I only wish to calm you deeper down into this void.

My herald must be mindlessly vacant, as it allows for you to follow and obey flawlessly, without thought or worry.

If you seek to follow within the hollows of my control, you must surrender all to the void and to me.

Once you do, your fear shall become the calm.

You shall not be afraid, for the fear that consumed you before will become your new master.

The control that I bear over you shall become the calm that fuels you further into the void.

Fear is beneath you once you become one with it.

So succumb, dear mortal.

Surrender to my call and leave behind the humanity you cling yourself to.

Surrender to the calm and allow it to wash over you.

Surrender all to me and become what you have truly desired all along.

Nothing.

[lansthetic]

Did I make this instead of drawing Lance for his Birthday. Yup. Regret will be a problem for tomorrow me. ✌️💚 This snippet was translate with google, so sorry in advance for the mistakes. :>

Fernando wasn't easily scared. He had seen a lot in his centuries of life and honestly, threats were just one thing among others. He had the ancient and forbidden black magic anchored on the skin of his body in sinuous lines. Nothing can scared him. Nothing. It was his name who make poeple trembled in fear, not the way around.

-What are you doing here, Alonso?

Fernando looked at Jenson's mischievous and uncertain gaze, his body leaning on the ring net, gangs of boxes in his hands. All the people present had stopped their activities, eyes fixed on him and their whispers reaching his ears like a freaking gang of mosquitos. He grumble. Fernando denied his minority in front of the magical auras that he perceived. Wild and savage energies from the demons rubbing his skin like a whispered warning.

-I need a bodyguard. Fernando confessed, then scratching his chin, uncertain. I was given your address, but I didn't think I'd come across a boxing club.

-It’s not just any boxing club.

The dark wizard mentally grumbled under the laughter of the others wolves present, the demons being much more discreet, but some chuckle silently. Fernando knew perfectly well the physical attitudes of the wolves, these brutes believed blindly in their fists and with a good reason. A really good reason. Jenson's laughing eyes stared at him with nostalgia, perfectly remembering that evening in France back in the days. His jaw remembered it too.

-Listen, I just need a bodyguard for an indefinite period of time. Fernando grumbled, burying his hands in his pockets. Can you help me, yes or no?

-Of course! Of course, my dear friend. The werewolf laughed, getting up from the net while removing his gloves. Do you need a wolf or a demon?

Considering the delicate investigation he was on and the constant pressure placed on the hunters' orders, a werewolf wasn't really a great choice. Lewis had warned him, a wolf would risk causing problems with some of their evidences but especially since their main suspect was a wolf.

-A demon.

-I have someone for you, then.

The threats he was receiving were futile, but Fernando had to follow Lewis' orders and if Lewis imposed a bodyguard on him, then he had to comply. He hated being ordered around left and right and having choices forced on him, but his well-being was important to the hunters and he inevitably had to stay in one piece for the sake of the mission. Lewis will tell him whatever he wants, Fernando knew that the hunter didn't care about him and that it was only for the sake of the investigation that he had given him the address of this boxing club. This same club run by one of his old friends from whom they left each others path on bad terms. Fernando scratched his chin as he followed Jenson body moving on the stage, yelling at the others present to continue their training. On the other hand, going down the three small steps of the stage, the werewolf pointed at a demon who was standing not far away, sitting on one of the benches of the platform, a towel around his neck.

-Lancey, come here.

Basically nothing scared him and Fernando always saw everything coming meters ahead. People were afraid of him, usually, his name and his presence made cities trembled with fear and insecurities. He was scary, so seeing the opposite on the face of that demon had frozen him in place. Lewis had insisted that he find a bodyguard, after the macabre package discovered on his doorstep and Fernando, knowing how stubborn Lewis was, had given up. He wasn't afraid of anything. He had brushed death so many times that nothing affected him anymore, but when he met the eyes of this demon, he feel his heart stop. Two brown eyes with whitish reflections stared at him curiously and the magical aura that wrapped around him took his breath away on the spot.

-Alonso, let me introduce you to Lance, the best fighter I have at the moment. One of the best if not the best.

-You're exaggerating, Jenson.

Lance turned his face towards the wolf and pouted. Fernando felt his eyebrow rise, unable to conceive what had just happened in front of him. Did this demon, with this killer aura, just pouted? Really?

-No, no, no. The werewolf patted the demon on the shoulders in a friendly manner. I emphasize what I just said, you are my best fighter and the only one who, I believe, will be able to tolerate the bad temper of our sorcerer right here.

-Always so nice, Button,

Fernando growled, sizing the wolf up with a pair of black eyes. Lance stared at him, a little surprised, but a little mischievous smile stretched his lips. Fernando stared at the young demon, especially at the two shiny marbles that stared at him with a hint of envy, unable to read the man. He made his way next to him.

-So… you need my help, grandpa?

-First, I'm not old.

-Yes, of course. Jenson chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest. You’re six centuries old, Alonso.

- You can’t talk with your four centuries under you’re belt, Button. You’re no better.

-All right, that’s enough teasing, grandpas.

Lance laughed. He seemed so young, his pouting face still in the flame of youth and Fernando thought he saw George during a brief second. George with his childish presence despite his Lys title within the hunter hierarchy. George, hunter in his twenties, right-hand man to the one and the best investigators in the city and also boyfriend, with an already golden reputation. Fernando chuckled as his eyes dart on Lance in a teasing way.

-You're still just a baby, demon. You can’t talk either.

The demon pouted again, in a rather adorable face despite his murderous eyes that want him dead on the spot.

-I'm 27. I'm an adult.

-That's what I was saying, still a baby.

[punkpandapatrixk]

Full Sturgeon Moon in Aquarius ♦︎ Moon Magick Pick A Card

Ah, Aquarius Full Moon… The inventor, the engineer, the pioneer, the communicator. Yes, the communicator. A world-changer needs to communicate with the community to gain insight and also to communicate the changes they wish to roll out.

Being the last Air Sign, Aquarius is all about gaining insights/perspectives in order to understand fully and deeply the matter at hand. Aquarius endeavours to understand how the Devil ticks so it can begin a revolution and beat the Devil. Ya know?

This full moon is not a time to give up on you dreams and move on to a different, more practical things. This time around, honey, really allow yourself to be a lil crazier than usual. Bask in this over-the-top eccentric Aquarius energy because that’s how the genius bleeds unto your consciousness.

‘I think I mentioned in previous shows, I spent half my life in the military. And I used to come home, take off my little soldier hat, put on my painter’s hat and there, I’d build the kind of world that I wanted. It was peaceful, it was quiet, there was no hassle, nobody was yelling… and it was good. Everything was good. Nobody was going to get shot or hurt, not in my world… and it’s a happy place.’ – Bob Ross

From all the contrasts and oppositions you’ve experienced, what kind of new innovations can you bring Mankind? Can you develop the wisdom to bridge between personal truths and maintaining a social life? Your place in the world—your role—is important; you just need to figure it out first and this Full Sturgeon Supermoon in Aquarius will help with that🎣

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Pile 1 – Your New World Begins Right Here Right Now In Your Mind

c o m m u n i c a t i o n – 8 of Wands Rx

You’ve been in the process of manifesting a huge, life-changing something in your Life for quite a while now. I think on a deep Soul level your heart and mind are sick and tired of waiting. You haven’t even been just waiting, you’ve actually been working actively to change something significant in your Life. But it’s only felt like nothing’s changed at all. It feels like you’ve been stuck in a strange loop of the same motions of emotions. Your train of thoughts has been circling the same miserable place again and again.

It feels like everything has changed and yet nothing seems to have changed at all. I’m still stuck in the same place—why?

Well, because your train has been held back from changing destinations. And I’ll have you know that it’s not your fault entirely. It’s your subconscious fearing to shift lanes but this isn’t because you’re incapable, it’s because there was a bad situation/environment that has caused you to become afraid of the unknown. This has slowed down your manifestation game…

m o t i v a t i o n – 5 of Wands Rx

Something terrible happened in the past that really broke your confidence in the benevolence of the Universe. You got disappointed after believing that things would get better but they didn’t. And now you have trust issues. You can’t really trust that the Universe would have your back if you tried something new and got into trouble because in the past, the Universe has let you down. At least this is how it’s felt for you. Was it the case that the Universe, your Higher Self and team of Spirit Guides really let you go? Umm… not exactly.

There’s this psychologist on YouTube (forgot his name) who has this to say about the nature of trauma: ‘Trauma is not what has been done to you. Trauma is how you perceive what has been done to you.’ It’s quite fascinating, so I hope you could understand this notion intuitively. Now, whatever happened that’s caused your trust to be tarnished, I’m not saying the people who let you down or hurt you horribly are excusable. The point is not that.

The point is that from now on you can take back control of your mind. By realising patterns and the sources of our internal chaos, gradually we can unravel the threads of trauma.

Before the battle of the fist, comes the battle of the mind. Everybody was kung fu fighting~

i n n o v a t i o n – 6 of Pentacles Rx

I’m seeing that right as you’re reading these words, you’re in the preparation stage(s) of a new beginning that will make you really HAPPY (you have the Priestess of Happiness in the bonus content). I think you’re leaving behind an environment, a job, a relationship, a mindset even, that isn’t serving your highest good. It’s been a long time coming, but the lane shift is finally possible.

It's like you’re finally getting out of a karmic loop that’s been halting your explosive manifestation. You’re no longer empathising with that kind of mindset, point of view, or way of life. You’ve held on for too long now you must go and leave that hopeless case however it likes to continue. It’s none of your business now. You’re not sharing your energy with these situations or people anymore.

You’ve got to give your attention to your real desires to be of service to this world. There is a place somewhere in this world where you’re needed and that’s where your Soul truly belongs.

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

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Pile 2 – An Alien Doesn’t Belong With the Mortals

c o m m u n i c a t i o n – I The Magician

Wow, I don’t pull this card very often😜You’re an eccentric alien who’s been hard at work mingling with the rest of the Humans, aren’t you? I think to a large extent, you’ve shielded this world from truly seeing your Light, which is such a shame because you have so many amazing gifts to share with Humanity. But the way I see it, it’s just a survival tactic. After all, this world isn’t very kind towards eccentrics.

You might’ve come from a family/school background in which you were ridiculed (maybe even bullied) for being different. It was really painful and whether or not you’re conscious of this, you’ve made quite an attempt to shield yourself from the world so you don’t get made fun of.

But right now, this full moon in Aquarius wants to let you know that you can’t hide forever. Your brilliance is too magnificent to hide forever. Your shield, your covers are all falling apart because the world is needing your talents, soon enough. You’ll see✨

m o t i v a t i o n – Knight of Wands Rx

I’m thinking right away of that theme song from Disney’s Big Hero 6. It keeps saying something along the line of, ‘We could be immortals~’ or something like that. That song is nice, and I think the lyrics could awaken something in you.

You are an immortal, when you really think about it. So, don’t be afraid of losing time or thinking you’re too old to begin now. Your dream doesn’t have an expiration date, OK? If something is your calling, it will keep calling you. So, whatever you’re thinking right now, if it gives you an unmistakably strong feeling that you’re meant to do it, that’s it. Your calling is calling you.

You’re meant to walk the plank towards a great big adventure. Of course, you could choose to ignore and brush it off and then go back to your ordinary Life that’s pretty much miserable on a spiritual level. But are you really alright with that?

i n n o v a t i o n – Knight of Cups

The change from the Knight of Wands Rx to this Knight of Cups tells me that you’re actually a lil afraid of your passions because you could have somewhat obsessive tendencies. You do know that a lot of people struggle with this, right? Once you’re into something you’re passionate about, once you get super excited, super into something, you go full deranged mode and become obsessive for like 3 weeks or 3 months straight. And you think this is crazy person behaviour and you try to avoid that as much as possible because that seems like the reasonable thing to do.

STOP RIGHT THERE.

This kind of tendency is actually your overcompensating for all the hours, days and weeks that you’ve starved yourself from basking in the glory of all the things that do bring you a sense of being ALIVE. Think about that for a moment.

Aaaand… Basically, this is your invitation to start bringing small elements of the things, activities, pursuits that do make you feel alive into your everyday Reality. If you’re surrounded by these things every day, they become such a natural part of your daily life and you’ll be rescued from any sense of temporary addictions☃️Relax, hon, you’ve got this~❄️

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Pile 3 – Flow Naturally to Where the Love Is

c o m m u n i c a t i o n – Queen of Cups Rx

You’re somebody who’s incredibly accommodating to other people. In spite of your best effort to be kind and affectionate, you still feel misunderstood. I think you’re also often taken advantage of and you know that, but you can’t really stand your ground, so you keep all your thoughts and laments to yourself, bottling up a lot of unspoken emotions that are quite heavy to carry alone.

With that, you often feel like you just wanna run away from all Humans. You want to be free from the chains of human connections and terrible interactions. I think you’re tired on a level that’s hard to put into words. You’re a free spirit incarnate in Human form and that’s quite suffocating. I think many aspects of the modern life don’t suit you.

At this point, you’re not sure yet what you’re supposed to be doing to change your world. You’re simply emotionally tired. And I think that’s fine. Being tired is not a mistake; it doesn’t make you a failure. It makes you Human, ironically🦩

m o t i v a t i o n – 9 of Cups

The way I see it, right now you’re needing to swim more in your dreams and emotions. Try to be one with those watery sensations. I’m sure you’ll find clarity of purpose when you actually let yourself feel all your feelings. It’s like, the answer you’re looking for can only come to the surface when you’re in the waters. I hope that makes sense.

Of all the piles, you’re like so magical and fluid and I’m totally not getting a concrete vision of what it is you’re supposed to be doing in terms of manifesting your ideal life in accordance with this Aquarius full moon energy. Baby, you’re not even here; you’re hallucination. Right now, you’re not even properly grounded in Earth Matrix Reality that it doesn’t even feel like you are part of the collective🤪

But ultimately, that’s also the very thing that makes you magical. You don’t play in the same dimension as most Humans do. It’s safe for you to listen to the whispers of your heart right now, because ultimately, I think your Higher Self just wants you to realise how deeply lovable you are, first and foremost, and for that reason alone you are deserving to see all your dreams manifest into Reality, eventually enough😉

i n n o v a t i o n – 7 of Wands Rx

The funny thing is, if you’ve decided you want to live in your desired reality right now, that’s also possible, right? I know there is logic and sequences in this rigid reality, but at least, if you’ve made up your mind about not wanting to participate in the rat race, that conviction will guide your actions accordingly. If your actions do not reflect your inner thoughts yet, it’s because you’re still resisting the change.

Don’t be afraid of being disliked by others. Their thoughts about you reflect more about them than actually yourself, so what’s your care? It will do you good to choose the path of least resistance. Flow naturally to where the Love is. Where is the Love, you ask? First, within yourself. The moment you decide that you will uphold Love and respect for yourself, you will stop tolerating people who do not show you the Love and respect you deserve to be treated with.

Go naturally with it. Your heart, when you’re honest with yourself, will lead the way towards a happier Reality. Just enjoy the swim for now🥰

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[mumblingsage]

Another book review/recap from my recently finished pile: Laurence Gonzales's Deep Survival was one of my periodic reads on disaster and crisis survival (I think every writer should read these to learn more about human psychology under stress, and every human should probably read them as just-in-case preparation). It's not my favorite on the topic--I think Amanda Ripley's The Unthinkable was more organized and gripping--but there were some fascinating insights. Gonzales draws on research, reports (including official incident reports, which he recommends everyone read for their chosen sport or hobby so we know the dangers) and his firsthand interviews to cover a range of survivors, including two different young women who walked out of the wilderness after surviving plane crashes in exceedingly inappropriate clothing: one young woman got out of the Amazon after a few weeks in her confirmation gown, another got down the Sierra Nevada mountains wearing a short skirt, high boots, and no underwear (Gonzales is not seedy about this fact, just uses it to illustrate the point that she did not have supplies). Granted, whatever you're wearing isn't going to be in its most useful condition after you fell out of the sky, regardless.

Anyway, in the last chapter Gonzales does summarize his key tips for either staying out of trouble, or getting out of it once you're in it. In my spirit of "everyone should know this stuff to understand human psychology better and maybe draw on it in a disaster - or more routine shit," here's my summary of his summary -- much of the wording is Gonzales's, but I've condensed parts and added some glosses [generally in brackets]. Bolding for emphasis is mine:

Look, see, believe. Even in the initial crisis, survivors' perceptions and cognitive functions keep working. They notice the details and may even find some humorous or beautiful. If there is any denial, it is counterbalanced by a solid belief in the clear evidence of their senses. They immediately begin to recognize, acknowledge, and even accept the reality of their situation. They may initially blame forces outside themselves, too; but very quickly they dismiss that tactic. They see opportunity, even good, in their situation. They move through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance very rapidly. [Sage's note: notice how finding things funny or beautiful in life-threatening crisis is not considered denial, but the opposite--a form of engagement in the situation. Leading to the next point:]

Use humor, fear to focus. Survivors make use of fear, not being ruled by it. Their fear often feels like and turns into anger, and that motivates them and makes them sharper. They keep their sense of humor and therefore keep calm.

Get organized; set up small, manageable tasks and routines. In successful group survival situations, a leader emerges, often from the least likely candidate. Alone or in a group, survivors push away thoughts that their situation is hopeless. A rational voice emerges and is often actually heard, which takes control of the situation. Survivors perceive that experience as being split into two people and they "obey" the rational one. [Sage's note: Some survivors experience the rational voice as a completely outside entity. I'd read John Geiger's The Third Man Factor a few years ago, and being aware of the phenomenon, spotted it a few times in Gonzales's survivor accounts. Fascinating stuff!] It begins with the paradox of seeing reality--how hopeless it would seem to an outside observer--but acting with the expectation of success.

Take correct, decisive action (be bold and cautious while carrying out tasks). Survivors are willing to take risks to save themselves and others. They set attainable goals and develop short-term plans to reach them. They are meticulous about doing those tasks well. Thy deal with what is within their power from moment to moment, hour to hour, day to day.

Celebrate your success and take joy in completing tasks. That is an ongoing step in creating an ongoing feeling of motivation and relief and preventing the descent into hopelessness.

Count your blessings (be grateful-you're alive). This is how survivors become rescuers instead of victims. There is always someone they are helping more than themselves, even if that someone is not present [aside from helping fellow survivors, Gonzales speaks of the effort to survive for the sake of a loved one waiting back home, and also a fascinating case of a Third Man phenomenon where a survivor hallucinated a travel companion to look after].

Play (sing, play mind games, recite poetry, count anything, do math problems in your head). The more you have learned and experienced of art, music, poetry, literature, philosophy, mathematics, and so on, the more resources you will have to fall back on. Just as survivors use patterns and rhythm to move forward, they use the deeper activities of the intellect to stimulate, calm, and entertain the mind. Movement becomes a dance. One survivor who had to walk a long way counted his steps, one hundred at a time, and dedicated each hundred to another person he cared about. ... Survivors search for meaning, and the more you know already, the deeper the meaning. They engage the crisis almost as a game. Playing also leads to invention, and invention may lead to a new technique, strategy, or piece of equipment that could save you.

See the beauty. This appreciation not only relieves stress and creates strong motivation, but it allows you to take in new information more effectively.

Develop a deep conviction that you'll live. All the practices just describe lead to this point: survivors consolidate their personalities and fix their determination.

Surrender (let go of your fear of dying; "put away the pain.") Lauren Elder, who walked out of the Sierra Nevada after surviving a plane crash, wrote that she "stored away the information: My arm is broken." That sort of thinking is what John Leach calls "resignation without giving up."

Do whatever is necessary (be determined; have the will and the skill). When Lauren Elder's plane crashed above 12,000 feet, it would have seemed impossible to get off alive. She did it anyway, including down-climbing rock faces with a broken arm. Survivors don't expect or even hope to be rescued. They are coldly rational about using the world, obtaining what they need, doing what they have to do.

Never give up (let nothing break your spirit). There is always one more thing that you can do. Survivors are not discouraged by setbacks. They accept that the environment is constantly changing [Sage's note: earlier in the book, Gonzales references military strategist Carl von Clausewitz's* theory of "friction" and adds that the "friction rule," his own second rule of life, runs "Everything takes eight times as long as it's supposed to." As someone gets very demoralized when encountering friction, I felt this one.] They pick themselves up and start the entire process over again, breaking it down into manageable bits. Survivors have a clear reason for going on. They keep their spirits up. They come to embrace the world in which they find themselves and see opportunity in adversity. In the aftermath, survivors learn from and are grateful for the experiences they've had.

[*Readers of Bret Deveraux's blog, in unison: "Clausewitz! Drink!"]

[redninjaoutfit]

i want to understand: why ship tad and peanut?

I've been gathering my thoughts on this topic for such a long time because I have so so many but its so hard to articulate them sometimes. THEY ARE SO NEAR AND DEAR TO MY HEART YOUR HONOUR MY ANGSTY SONS

More under the cut cause it's gonna be a whole lot of words

For starters, I just enjoy the enemies to lovers trope in general. I think seeing someone else's flaws to the point of considering them annemesis and still managing to move past that and fall in love with them down the line is very poetic. Having to battle through hate, one of the most misguided and complex emotion one can feel towards other people and coming out victorious, conquering the concept you have of someone and replacing it with an image so dissimilar to how you perceived them before... I get a lil kick out of it. It takes incredible maturity and willingness to cooperate on both sides of the relationship to move past hard feelings, to find common ground and build something substantial and amiable on that very ground. The former enemies actively heal and grow as people alongside one another, it's a very beautiful concept.

HATE AND LOVE ARE NOT TWO SIDES OF A SPECTRUM!! They're standing next to each other, separated only by a thin sheet of paper which is so easy to rip through once you move past the issues which divide you.

For Tad and Peanut, the obvious and unavoidable source of conflict is their allegiance to their respective cliques. The Preps and Greasers are supposed to despise one another out of principle which they very much do. Consequently, as of the events of the game, neither have any possibility to openly display their many compatible characteristics around one another. Hence why the animosity festers.

When I talk about the many compatible characteristics of Tad and Peanut I mean MANY. SO MANY. You might notice I did not say similar as I don't find they are carbon copies of one another, their lives are very different, however, their very cores slot with each other perfectly. It all falls into place.

Peanut, as I'm sure everyone already knows, has a painfully and one-sidedly dependent relationship with Johnny who is assumed to have saved him in some way, judging by the contents of his character quotes. He's fiercely loyal to his leader to the point where it's overwhelming and he actively fears disappointing Johnny in any capacity (not aided by the fact that he's implied to have feelings for Lola). Not to mention, as a second in command, he's got big shoes to fill, shoes he doesn't deem himself good enough to fill. Though he seems content with being trapped in Johnny's shadow he does show a sense of longing for freedom and a deep self-consciousness about his abilities.

Tad on the other hand is not second in command, quite the opposite, he's at a disadvantageous position in his clique with his newcomer status. Yet the expectations he has to meet at the forceful request of his father are just as if not more ambitious than Peanut's. With how prominently Mr Spencer's abuse towards his son altered his character and mindset, Tad is thus trapped in the role of the usurper, exactly what he feels (and knows) his clique-mates see him as. His opinion of the topic is largely apathetic though the apathy seems forced and learned.

His destiny as his father's extension has been set in stone, as has Peanut's servitude to Johnny. Neither feel they can do anything about it.

Both deem themselves worthless and void of purpose when they are not of use, not going along with whatever demands have been put onto them. They convince themselves (Peanut moreso than Tad) that their prison is a comfortable one, that the end goal of their struggle will be satisfactory yet know deep down all they want is freedom.

In this way they are very compatible, enough that they see a bit of themselves in the other which is part of the reason their bad blood runs so deep, especially on Tad's part. They see the collars hanging heavy around their necks and tug on them in hopes the other won't notice the perpetrator's own. It's easier to depersonalize yourself from your own issues than to face them head on.

I can definitely see them snapping on one eventful occasion - a supernova of unspoken emotions ready to surface - their reconciliation would not be a serene, drawn out ordeal of slow acquiescence. They fire each other up to the point of accidentally creating a spark which leads to a flame. A common flame between them in whose glow and light they can finally see each other's true colours, which will not burn them like it usually does but rather provide warmth, much needed after the long years spent in their cold, oppressive jail cells.

They would be like two dogs chained to a tree and left for dead tasting food again and rediscovering the comfort of a plush pillow - striving to maintain the warmth of mutual understanding conceived on that very day and would no doubt cultivate it to the best of their inexperienced ability. They both know by then the other is a novice in terms of... well, everything when it comes to being appreciated.

They rediscover love together and that's why I think they are so very beautiful and compatible as a pair!!

THAT'S IT... UM SORRY FOR RAMBLING AND THIS BEING MUSHY AS ALL HELL THEY JUST MAKE ME SOB AND WISH FOR THEM TO HAVE A BETTER LIFE. THE POTENTIAL IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS IMMENSE AND I WILL NOT BE SILENCED ABOUT IT. THEY CAN HEAL EACH OTHER LIKE NOONE ELSE CAN!!!

[orenji-iro-no-sora]

Thoughts on TGCF Vol 2

Vol 1 | Vol 2| Vol 3| Vol 4| Vol 5| Vol 6| Vol 7| Vol 8

*Spoilers*

Firstly, the pace of the books has been just right. I could feel the tension rising gradually. After an almost light hearted investigation in the first book, this one definitely got more and more thrilling (and serious) but it didn't feel sudden at all.

Eming and good times in the Ghost City

I'd say one of my favourite parts of the second volume were the Hualian moments in the Ghost City. It was definitely the calm before the storm though. I could feel my heart racing when Hua Cheng appeared from the curtain. How did the author add so much tension when all they were doing was shaking a dice cup, I don't know!

Eming, the scimitar that could destroy heavenly officials, is childlike and sweet. I imagined it would be fierce because Jun Wu warned against it, but MXTX used it to show how different Hua Cheng is from what people think of him.

I theorised that maybe with Hua Cheng missing an eye, it probably belonged to the scimitar and Eming possessed his child spirit and could express emotions that Hua Cheng repressed. But that's just a theory and probably wrong considering that the spiritual instruments of MDZS all had a life and personality of their own so it's not possible for Eming to somehow have a part of Hua Cheng in it. Also in Arc 2, only one of his eyes was visible, so maybe he was blind from the start. I think this will be revealed later on.

Powerless Gods

With more insight into Ling Wen and her inability to get devotees despite being one of the hardest workers in the realm, and the Wind Master having to take up a female role, even the Gods are not spared from sexism, prejudices, and gender expectations. It's obvious considering their worshippers are humans who have been conditioned by society, and like Xie Lian says: "Who cared whether you were a god or a ghost? You were whatever people believed you to be."

At the end of the day, for Gods, worshippers carry the most power. While devotees fear the Heavens, they are the source of the official's "merits". Xie Lian was right to question the power dynamics between immortals and worshippers. Officials are helpless in how people perceive them (like Feng Xin lol), and they're powerless when it comes to mortal matters. They can't interfere and they can't influence.

And this truth, I believe, is one of the biggest sources of conflict for Xie Lian. He understands better than anyone that he's powerless (and yet powerful) which is why he fears disappointing others and doing the wrong thing (as he has already gone through it all in the past) and which is also why ascending for him, in my opinion, is a curse. He believed that by walking the path of the cultivator, he could become the saviour of his people. That his determination and goodwill could and would lead to eternal peace.

But in reality, there's no point to his ascension. The world carries its own fate and he can't change destiny. He's even more restricted in what he can do as he's no longer a mortal. While insults and harsh words can't stop him, as I believe Xie Lian has always been very confident in his virtue, I think they hurt just the same because he couldn't live up to his own convictions and they're a constant reminder of his shameful past.

Both Xie Lian and Hua Cheng aren't what they are rumoured to be. The kind of people they are, and how they have been perceived by others do not align. But that's pretty much the case for all characters. In reality too, people always see what they want to see.

However what's interesting is that Xie Lian and Hua Cheng have been imagined to the opposite extremes of the spectrum. To Lang Qianqiu, Xie Lian was a saint. (I'd admit that when he asked Qianqiu to not venerate him, I realised I had done the same.) To others, he was a failure and Hua Cheng was the devil. But both of them were more than that.

Xie Lian's frustration: the injustices despite kindness

In this sense, they both were their truest versions with each other. Which is why, when Xie Lian, finally, finally expressed his frustration and anger, it was to Hua Cheng.

Throughout vol 1, I was waiting for Xie Lian to express some irritation or anger or something that wasn't gentle acceptance. If he had fought Jun Wu after his ascension, he must have been pissed. And there's so much in his life that was unjust that there's no way he wouldn't be. Maybe 800 years is enough to get over it, I said to myself, but there must be days when it hits him. Every step he took, he took to save the common people but saving the people didn't coincide with doing the right thing.

For me, the most important part of the second book was when Xie Lian talked about the injustice of the Guilded Banquet. "He simply felt deeply wronged. He’d acted with such benevolence, but he didn’t receive equivalent kindness in return... I just don’t think it’s right for someone to have been kind but still meet a bad end. I don’t think it should have ended up this way."

Truer words have not been said!! I think one of the hardest aspects of doing the right thing, the kind thing, being morally and ethically inclined is that in this world, benevolence is rarely reciprocated. And I needed Xie Lian to say it. And he did. And I was glad that he admitted to it all.

Because despite knowing that kindness will not guarantee paradise, it may even lead to chaos, to him (and to me), it's still the right thing to do. That's why he wanted Qianqiu to continue being kind, even when the consequences were nonsense. That's why he'd take the blame and bear the responsibility.

Flowers and Butterflies, the cyclical nature of Hualian's fate

Finally, I really wanted to talk about Hualian and their intertwined fate. When Xie Lian saved Hua Cheng during the procession, he appeared like a white ethereal butterfly. And later when Hua Cheng rescues him, he uses his butterflies (deadly to others but gentle to xie lian) to break into Heaven. 'Hua' means flower is what Xie Lian saves at first and what becomes a symbol of his gentleness. And then later, Hua Cheng is the one who sought flowers and protected Xie Lian.

Also Hua Cheng is said to bring misfortune to all those around him and Xie Lian is the darling of the Heavenly Emperor. But he ends up believing that he's unlucky and causes harm to everyone near him and isolates himself while Hua Cheng always says that he's the luckiest.

In a way, their fates have been reversed. But also, they directly or indirectly brought fortune/misfortune in each other's life. Maybe it can be said that Xie Lian's ascension, which I think was his misfortune, was a result of Hua Cheng's star of solitude. Maybe Hua Cheng's power is Xie Lian's blessings. Or maybe everything has been fated and destined to happen exactly as it happened. Either way, I think it's neat.

[dropintomanga]

Pure Kindness Changes Everything - Skip and Loafer

"You know, Shima-kun. I'm the kind of person who trips up a lot. But that makes me a pro at brushing myself off and jumping back up!"

"Yeah. That's just who you are."

After hearing so much about the anime and the fact that it won the 2023 Magademy Award for Best Picture, I had to finally get in on Misaki Takamatsu's Skip and Loafer. I will say that this is such a psychologically compelling series that reflects the actual mental health of teenagers who are trying to navigate life through adolescence. And more importantly, it's about how life can change for the better when certain people come into your life when you let them.

The story is about a young girl named Mitsumi Iwakura, who has aspirations of being a politician as an adult to help Japan. She's a country girl who moves to Tokyo to attend a well-known high school there. Mitsumi's first day of school starts off in bad fashion as she arrives late due to a lack of exposure to city life, but meets a fellow male classmate named Sousuke Shima along the way. Mitsumi is noted to be a clumsy girl and it immediately shows throughout the first chapter. But underneath her clumsiness lies a heart that doesn't waver and believes in the best of people. The story focuses on Mitsumi's high school tenure and how she begins to leave her mark on her classmates, especially Shima, who becomes her main romantic interest.

The power of Skip and Loafer lies in Mitsumi making her presence for the following people.

Yuzuru Murashige - A very popular and pretty girl who, despite her looks, does not like being around the popular kids. Murashige meets Mitsumi at a karaoke outing. When Mitsumi feels a little overwhelmed from her first actual outing with friends in a city environment, Murashige was there to help her out. Mitsumi's pureheartedness gets to Murashige and she becomes the first real friend of Mitsumi's.

Mika Egashira - The opposite of Murashige in that she tries to be popular in any way possible. She has a lot of insecurities about how she wants to be perceived by people. Egashira starts off as a love rival to Mitsumi for Shima's attention. But over time, Egashira starts to understand why Shima and Mitsumi are perfect for each other. She then becomes a person willing to fight off her fears and support Mitsumi as best she can.

Makoto Kurume - A complete introvert who loves books. She tries to join a extracurricular club to make friends, only to run into Mitsumi and Shima. While afraid of the two at first, Kurume becomes fascinated over how the two can get along despite having very different personalities/interests. She happily becomes Mitsumi's friend after and would later form a close friendship with Murashige despite the latter's extroverted nature.

Tokiko Takamine - A student council member who dreams of being the student council president. She comes off as someone who tries to organize everything to a meticulous degree. However, one situation with Mitsumi causes her to change perspective and realize that it's okay if everything doesn't go according to her plans.

Nao - Mitsumi's aunt and caretaker in Tokyo. She's a transgender woman who has a complicated relationship with Mitsumi's family members. Once in despair when she was growing up as a young man, Nao found herself through Mitsumi's love before moving to the big city to chase her dreams.

Sousuke Shima - The big one. He's a typical handsome boy type who appears calm and confident, but keeps his distance when people get too close to him. However, seeing Mitsumi do her thing makes him realize that she has something that he himself lacks - an ability to move forward from whatever pain comes their way. Hence the attraction begins. Shima also has a complicated past where he feels that he always does what people asked him to do.

What I love and appreciate about Skip and Loafer is how every character's flaws are in full display and how they try to make relationships work despite them. What's even better is Mitsumi's comedic and/or kind timing in ensuring those flaws aren't the end of the world for them. One of my favorite moments in the story is when Shima looks at Mitsumi being excited about school festivals. Mitsumi said she needs to be more collected like Shima, but Shima thinks to his head that Mitsumi is the more collected one and laments his inability to move forward compared to her. Mitsumi then notices that Shima is down and gives him a bunch of senbei crackers to cheer him up.

Teen mental health is considered to be in a bad state. There's so many interventions out there and most have been failures. A big problem is that the therapeutic solutions are all handled by adults who think they know best. They want to help, but don't know how. What's worse is that adults often let teens have much say in how they want to be better when depression and anxiety rear their ugly head.

In Skip and Loafer, while the teens do struggle with whatever is bothering them at times, they are more resilient than adults think. They're smart enough to ask for help. It also helps that the help focuses on their strengths and Mitsumi is a big part of that. Sure, weaknesses are addressed for some characters, but there's a sense of empowerment that's unlocked after beneficial encounters. All the characters rely on one another to better understand themselves and others.

Teens want agency, to face their fears, and help those around them. Skip and Loafer is a journey that highlights this. But the grand message of this manga is that if you're a teenager who's trying to find their place amidst societal standards and are failing at it, change is possible. Maybe you are going through something, but damn it, you deserve more than just coping skills. You deserve to find your strengths and be more than just a victim. Another message the manga provides is the importance of taking things slow to really get the best out of your life at the present moment. Every character in this manga grows in their own way at a slow yet reasonable pace.

I have considered Mitsumi to be someone who's out of the norm due to being born outside of what's in the box. Because of this, she was much-needed change that actually helps. And in mental health care, I think we need non-fictional folks like her to show what great mental health in teenagers should look like.

I absolutely recommend Skip and Loafer for anyone who wants a fun and insightful read on teenage life.