#i have to take my dogs to get groomed. leave my car to get cleaned. while that’s happening i’m going for a new screen protector and going

[oscarcito]

trying to make the hq movie fit into my schedule for tomorrow now

[midnight1nk]

So, this week's episode...

[spoilers below cut]

I KNEW IT!!! I knew that one of the two episodes left of the year had to be a holiday one aha!! *LE GASP* does that mean the last one will be sonic 3?

*nods* respect 👏

A Christmas special with TARI, oooh! and noticeably a shorter one too, huh. alright, let's-a GOOOOOOOO

(the following is my live reaction:)

aww, look at Tari being adorable (see that's how you get me, have my favorite characters do cute little hops and my life is yours)

bringing back the side characters LET'S GOOOO

CLENCH omg you're back I hope you can stay for the whole episode

ooooh tari's christmas list just dropped. hmmm let's see...

Saiko = KFC Theme Guitar (honestly slay) Mario = Spaghetti Necklace (whether he's going to wear or eat it, he'll enjoy it regardless) Kaizo = Scythe Polish Luigi = Gardening Kit SMG4 = Body Oder Spray (my man can't catch a break, "he stinks" canon) Belle = Nintendo Switch Case SMG3 = Dog Grooming Kit (for Eggdog awwww) Melony = How to draw Manga book (nice callback to "SMG4 and SMG3 Shop For Cursed Items" episode for Christmas shopping) Whimpu = Glasses Repair Kit Boopkins = Body Pillow Cleaning Kit (...) Bob = Karaoke Machine (that's actually sweet considering he is a rapper and the obvious choice would be a gun or smth, tari's a good friend) Rob = Corn Keychain

the cliche superhero transition *wheeze*

can I just say I love the fit Mario has on

1920's spaghetti?

i did not expect to see Sonic 06 (foreshadowing, eh?) and as a sonic fan, i gotta respect the hustle

now, i know it's supposed to be disgusting and you obviously have to put gross things here to convey that but... there's that eye imagery again.... *flashbacks ensue*

oooh Christmas party! I wanna see that!

aww tari did get clench a glove, maybe she didn't want to spoil the surprise too soon

also let's take a moment for that board in the bg:

"Random Text Here Shameless Advertising Happy Birthday smg4!" then something signed by a "Fan"

gotta love the small details

gonna be using this as a reaction pic for now on

Mario, don't you guys have a basement? pretty sure no one will grab the bag in there

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OMG OMG THERE'S NO WAY THIS IS REAL THEY ACTUALLY USED CANTRO'S OUTFIT DESIGN FOR THIS EPISODE THAT'S AWESOME DUDE (am aware that the Team used the model before in a previous ep but it was only shown for a few seconds, this is BIG)

new merch, eh?

...i'll take your entire stock

Oh Tari, it's okay to say no. Four did ask if you had time

beautiful commercial....wha? Bob, da hell are you doing? oh the usual

charity? understandable, have a good day

PFFT HAHAHAHA that grenade bit somehow got me

oh Four somehow teleported outside, chair and all

*wheeze* the way they just latch on the back of the cop car like that

BOOPKINS? ...yeah I should've seen that coming. and he's on a toddler seat too

question for the people: is UNO a board game? if not, then boopkins, you got it wrong buddy

RIGHT NOW?! boopkins she's got her hands full

GEEZ even I'm getting stressed

gonna be real here: it was actually a good choice to have the plot at a faster pace just so we could feel Tari's stress rapidly building up

oh hey Meggy's matching with Mario (love that for the M&M siblings) but Saiko, girl, please get yourself a coat :( you're gonna freeze

OH GOD Tari, i need you to breathe please! all of this is stressing you out, it's okay to say no

...oh no

i can't look dude, i know Tari's technically fulfilling everyone's wishes but this isn't the way to go :(

C'MON TARI, HOPE YOU CAN MAKE IT IN TIME PLEASE

NO NO NO *flips table* oh poor Tari

OH NO CAN I GIVE HER A HUG PLEASE? *shakes my laptop screen* LET ME INNNNNNN

WTF NO SHE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS

TARI DON'T LISTEN TO THOSE VOICES IN YOUR MIND, YOU ARE A GOOD FRIEND

...three? let me turn the brightness up

yeah that's Four's model but for some reason has Three's voice and line.... huh... (I'll come back to this later)

dude, i literally had to pause and leave the room

fuck you got me tearing up. Team, is that what you wanted from me?

no tari, it wasn't your fault :( you didn't ruin anything

YES TELL HER, SAIKO

STAWP I'M THIS 🤏 CLOSE TO FULL-ON SOBBING WTF

FAMILY IS FOUND 👏👏👏

...wha? Three?

wait, this whole episode was you were retelling what happened to Tari, to Eggdog?

...that actually puts things in a whole new context (I'll talk about it later)

*gets hit by the book*

AY Congrats to Mango for your art being featured in the end credits! 🎉 what an awesome Christmas gift from the Team honestly

.・-: ✧ :--: ✧ :-・.

This was a fantastic Christmas special! This really punched me in the gut (but in a good way). Everything, as always, was amazing. Excellent job, Team!!! Too bad Clench couldn't be in the whole episode.

Oh Tari, my girl :( I felt the emotional rollercoaster along with her and I just wanted to give her a giant hug.

Me 🤝 Tari → people pleasers with a dose of abandonment issues

Tari, I've been there and I promise your friends aren't gonna leave you. What you can offer, what you're able to, that is worth something. It doesn't need to be material, just being a part of their lives is enough. No matter how big, because to them, it could mean a lot more than what you think.

It's what I've been struggling too, that the people who have approached me only wanted what I could offer, but not as a person. And it takes time to heal and open up again to people who are worth opening up to, but you'll get there.

So, to remind you (yes, the one behind the screen): you are enough. We are enough. What you do, means a lot more to other people than what you think. You'd be surprised how much a second of your presence means to people, and they value that. It's why it's okay to say no when you aren't able to, they'll understand if they truly do care for you. I promise, time will come around for you to find the good ones.

That's why I love this show. It isn't just a "silly meme show", it's so much more than that. Yes, it does have its funny moments but it can be emotional, dramatic, exciting. And even relatable. That's the point of stories. Like I said countless times before:

Every story, no matter how outlandish it seems, is grounded in reality.

That's why I'm glad this was one of the last episodes of the year, to bring it all back that it's a story that we all can relate to in some way. That we aren't alone. Grab each other by the hand and take one day at a time.

Oh boy, sorry for that emotional stuff. Just wanted to bring some comfort 💙 With that, I'm gonna bring back what was the most interesting of this episode: SMG3

It wasn't until the very end that we realized this whole episode was Three retelling Tari's story not only to Eggdog but also to Terrance.

(If I remember the layout correctly, right in the same nook above the fireplace is where Terrance's photo is placed)

So, yes, he is reading a bedtime story to both of his sons. (just gonna cry in the corner for a second) He's such a dad 🥺

Anyway, i shall put my theorist goggles on:

Back in the part when Tari was too late to buy the Crew presents and the voices in her head were bashing her for failing, we have SMG3 for some reason come in:

To be clear, that's Four's model (notice the lack of chip of the cap) but Three is the one saying: "And I thought I was evil..." Other than being the narrator, Three wasn't in the story, so the question is why?

The obvious would be that the Team simply made a mistake and forgot that they placed this in. Ok, sure, that's if it was on accident. But what if they did it on purpose?

As Three stated in the episode "Trash Friends", he truly believes he's "the worst version of SMG4"

Think about it: the basic roles for them are Four as the hero and Three as a villain.

If Three was ever in an episode all of a sudden is because he is the negative force of the story. Recall back to the episode "Meme Hunters" when Three was forced to be "the conflict" of the episode.

Now, it may seem harmless but to him, he was afraid to be perceived as nothing more than "SMG4's cheap and worst copy"

And also in "You Used to Be Cool", people have noticed when he does lay back a bit from the usual villain/rival role and bash him saying, "This isn't you."

Hero or villain, you're seen differently by everybody

Then there was the whole "moral of the story" part:

Ofc, it's a whole thing that Three refuses time after time that he's not friends with the Crew

Now with the context that we have, we just got a peek into Three's fears/insecurities. Basically: if he opens up and accepts that he has friends, they might try and take advantage of him. So, what should he do? Close himself off, be an asshole, and deny, deny, deny.

Despite risking literally everything, INCLUDING HIS OWN LIFE, for them, he's doing this to protect himself from emotional harm when he's the most vulnerable.

There's indeed a trope that villains, especially redeemed ones, would have a sense of empathy of some kind. They know what's like to hit rock bottom, it's why they can empathize with the people who least deserve it, like Tari. (Even with Four back in IGBP.) So yes, as much as this is a story about Tari, it also relates to Three.

How can you have what you want when you're the one holding yourself back?

Three: "I also need love, understanding, and tenderness." [IGBP movie, Spanish dub] Three: " I just want the USB in that spaghetti in your stomach so I can use it to gain fame and love that SMG4 has too much of, okay?!" Mario: "...Is that it? Silly SMG3, you could of just told Mario instead of suppressing your inner emotions and your fear of being forever forgotten." [Trash Friends]

I mean, look at the last episode, he was so happy to know he got fanart.

The pressure he has, the role he has to play, what he's perceived as. It all affects him. Sure, he doesn't care that he's not perceived as the standard definition of a villain but he is really as human as he can be, with fears and desires.

Another way to see the "failure" part of the episode is that Three could never see Four in a negative light. Sure, Four has made terrible mistakes but past the YouTube Arc, Three has never seen Four as a villain (again, the role of the hero thing). Four is flawed just as he is, but since he's the one telling Tari's story, he replaces Four with himself in the narrative.

It's not confirmed it's because he cares about Four in this instant but it's obvious he has done it on purpose. All because that's the role he plays, one he absolutely fears, "an evil and worst copy of Four".

(For all we know, he might've altered some other things in the story we haven't even known about.)

AND the fact that he's telling it like a bedtime story to his son(s) as a warning, so they don't go through what he went through when he was younger (his whole parenting of reminding them that they're loved and appreciated for even the smallest things)

So, long story short: me 🤝 Tari 🤝 SMG3 → underlining abandonment issues

I've been noticing that a lot of points from past episodes are starting to resurface again (like IGBP) and I do hope we get to bring back what's going on with Three. Then, we might get Three having the same conclusion that Tari went through: as much as he wants to deny it to protect himself, he'll realize that it's okay to be vulnerable and have friends.

And he'd be surprised how much of what he did was valuable to them. That what he seeks is already right in front of him. After all, he's already part of the Crew :)

He would just have to let himself avert his view and see the truth.

[kangals]

writing this down for my own reference, since i've realized i can't remember shit about stellina's puppy phases: grading Kepler on how he’s been progressing over the past month (8 - 13 weeks):

food (drive, appetite, sensitivity): 🟢 loves to eat, very motivated but not frantic/pica-esque, no GI upset so far

leash walking: 🟢 doing really well on both flat collar and harness.

sleeping: 🟢/🟡 - GREAT at night, sleeps for a solid 8-9 hours. during the day seems to fight against tiredness and naps very lightly, then gets cranky/overtired.

crating: 🟢/🔴 - GREAT at night. during the day he'll load up happily into the crate but has issues actually settling/sleeping. need to figure out where the discrepancy is coming from.

potty training: 🔴 this boy be pissin

general training: 🟢 loves loves looooves being trained, super focused. knows sit, come, crate, nose target, paw target. working on a down and stay/leave it currently.

manners: 🟢/🟡 good about not biting, takes treats nicely, generally listens to my verbal warnings, isn't destructive. he is starting to demand bark/jump up on me, which we're working on curbing.

grooming: 🟢/🟡 needs to be distracted with food but he's tolerated a bath, nail dremeling, brushing, tooth brushing, and ear cleaning. due for another bath soon so we'll see how that goes.

cars: 🟡 whiny but does ok on car rides. no car sickness.

outings/socialization: 🟢 has done really well in new environments, very engaged and curious but doesn't get overwhelmed. have gotten spooked a few times but recovered well.

other dogs: 🟡 very dog-focused (typical for puppy, he may grow out of it), doesn't bark or get frantic but he has a hard time shifting attention from them. does listen to stern corrections, but tends to bulldoze through more gentle ones - plays overly rough and has to be separated from stellina frequently.

other people: 🟢 friendly and curious and loves to meet people, but focusing pretty well when i ask him to ignore. did good around a small child but was a little wary of being approached too fast, which is normal.

small animals: 🟢 curious and excited about the cat but not obsessive, called away easily. will chase squirrels and birds but not intensely.

overall i'd give him a 🟢 with a few caveats (really need to work on daytime settling/crating, and god please make any sort of progress with house training). my overall impression is that he's confident and stable, with a little more innate caution than stellina but conversely he also doesn't get overwhelmed nearly as easily - less impulsive and more resilient, which has both pros and cons. i'll repeat this in another month and i'm very curious to see how he progresses as he starts growing out of the generic-puppy personality.

[mandana-the-service-pup]

How I prepare for a doctors appointment with a service dog.

Service dog checklist:

Call the office to notify them ahead of time that I will be bringing my service dog and make sure she can accompany me during the medical tests. (This is not legally required in the US but it’s good practice and makes for a smooth appointment)

Make sure her exercise & decompression needs are met in the week leading up to the appointment and use the day before to rest.

Check her over for any subtle signs of injury (especially with the paws) or sickness (especially tummy problems)

Brush thoroughly the day before or that morning to limit shedding at the hospital (We bathe once a week so she should be pretty clean already)

Prep treat allowance for the appointment (plus extra jackpots for unforeseen issues) and make sure there’s time for Mandana to have a regular meal before we leave. I personally don’t feel comfortable working her on an empty stomach.

Fill water bottles and make sure I have extra bowls in the car. It’s good to have a backup plan incase you forget to bring water (like I frequently do 😅)

Decide ahead of time what gear I’m going to use. This really depends on weather, how long the appointment will be, what tasks I expect her to do and how she is feeling. I usually use: Martingale collar, hands-free leash, HC pet boots or GripTrex, medical alert bringsel, a lightweight SD harness. If I bring my rollator then I might also bring: her travel mat, wipes, small hand towel, water bottle & bowl. Otherwise those things usually stay in the car.

Have a plan with my caretaker on what will happen after the appointment and make sure we are on the same page. I expect to be exhausted and probably starting to flare. He usually takes over but I may need to push myself extra if he won’t be home when I’m done with my appointment. I also prep frozen lick-mat or similar enrichment to help Mandana decompress after the long day (I usually expect to spend 4-5 hours out of the house per appointment)

My checklist:

Fill out paperwork, check-in online, make sure previous balances at this hospital are paid or are on a payment plan and make sure I will have my ID & Insurance card with me.

Make a reference sheet for myself: medical history timeline, current symptoms listed in order of priority and the top questions/concerns I want to address at this appointment.

Try to be as well-groomed as possible (depending on how much energy I have) Decide what clothes I’m going to wear and make sure they are clean and ready to go.

Find out exactly where the office is and how to get there. Calculate how long it will take to arrive 15 minutes early to check-in and then add 30 minutes to accommodate issues with traffic/puppy potty/etc.

Be prepared to either cancel the appointment or leave the service dog behind if something goes wrong. It’s unethical to work a sick/injured service dog and they can have bad days too.

[hannahwatcheshorror]

CUJO (1983)

😿DOG DIES (duh), 💁‍♀️Strong Female Lead

The dog actor who played Cujo was phenomenal and I totally believed in his whole good boy gone bad (with rabies) routine. Much like the book, the movie is all about sitting and waiting which is a little boring to watch at times. This is a classic film about a classic King book so worth a watch but then I’d tell you the book is worth a read first (though be warned the content is rougher than the movie). It was nice to see the characters come to life and our strong female lead take care of her son and the dog.

⭐⭐⭐.5

Trigger Warning Sexual Abuse, Spinning Camera, Child Seizure, Mild Child Death

(SPOILERS FOR THE BOOK as well which ends differently from the movie if that matters to you (it matters to me))

I said to myself after a few drinks, I said, “Fuck it, let’s watch CUJO, lets watch this baby die, fuck this baby.” but really I am so sad for this child. I just came from an outdoor movie party where we were supposed to watch a spooky Halloween movie but instead we watched SING because a bunch of children were there and they wanted to watch SING, okay? So, yeah, I like kids and appreciate that they get their way even when I, an adult, want to watch a spooky movie during my favorite holiday month. BUT I don’t know when and where King decided that Tad was toast and I JUST WANNA TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT, OKAY? (No I will not put my knife down) 

ANYWAY. We barely get to meet Cujo before the rabies. The movie starts with him chasing a rabbit into the bat den and getting bitten. Sad! Tragic! For many reasons! I mean, that is also how the book basically starts but still! I am sad! (This isn’t a “comparing the movie to the book” review just like MISERY but still, I can’t help myself) Rabies is a wild sickness of brain rot and Cujo was/is a loyal dog but the disease is stronger than any dog or man will ever be. Poor bub. This is a cautionary tale. Please vaccinate your pets!

They did a really good job making a friendly dog look scary, the attacks are really alarming and feel like the animal is vicious even though if you really look you can catch the actor dog wagging his tail (dog actors will often do that when they are proud they are doing a good job, which is just precious). But this is a welcome turn of events because Church from PET SEMATARY 2019 just looked dirty and that didn’t make for a scary cat, just bad grooming (which can be scary), and while Cujo is certainly dirty, the watery eyes and overall energy he brings gives him the rabid touch that is so terrifying for this film in particular.

Cujo turns rabid by the time his boy and the mother are out of town and Cuj disposes of the father and his shady friend before our main characters Donna and Tad are unfortunate enough to roll their broken down car into the purebreds path. This is one of the more brutal Stephen King stories because of the waiting, the inaction, which is the best choice, but it is so painful. I can only compare it to GERALD’S GAME but even then she had plans going constantly, here it is just the brutality of the Maine Sun on their car.

Donna tries to leave once and gets wrecked by the dog, in front of Tad, which is horrifying for him to see, and of course then she is having the issue of contracting rabies probably, but no time for that because it is still time to SURVIVE this ordeal. All the while the husband is off trying to clean up an ad campaign disaster which is a big deal for him but absolutely not a big deal when you are literally fighting for your life. AND THE FACT THAT THE COP DOESN’T call in that there is blood on the doors of Donna’s vehicle right away is such a stupid move. I hate it and cannot believe it and missed it in the book but see it clearly in the movie and it is so obvious and STUPID. Also the movie randomly brings up the plot of the Camber family but never does anything with it which is a real shame, it is like they ran out of time with their own film. 

Okay. I have watched the end and now we have gone RADICALLY off book. And I gotta say. I don’t know how to feel. I am glad that there was a happy ending, but in that same breath it isn’t what the original story had in mind so I don’t really like the change. The movie literally ended on a freeze frame of the family all together, hell, Donna even found the gun and used it on Cujo, which was certainly not part of the book. It was actually specifically mentioned in the book that she didn’t know the location of the dropped service weapon that would have aided her so heavily but AGAIN, this is not a direct comparison, just bringing up some things of note.

This story was intended to be a tragedy, a cautionary tale of how so many bad choices can lead to something so terrible, but instead this movie ends with a miracle. I’m not sure that it works as well that way. Before it had this horrible weight to it and now the film ends on this light happy note and you go on with your day, when the book ended I was shell-shocked. Maybe the ending doesn’t need to be upsetting but it should be powerful and I think they undercut themselves by changing a Stephen King ending.

[fuwaprince]

I'm in a terribly dark place after coming home. Sad and tired. Angry. I'm sorry for speaking about my life again. I wish I could post without bothering anybody

I went out last night with the same old dude for a cig run. I thanked him for making time for me and gave him some of the frosted brownies that my stomach couldn't handle eating. I wanted to make it as worth it for him as possible since I know people's help is usually conditional. The brownie offering wasn't enough for him. He wanted more.

I had already been crying all day and night and just wanted to leave the house for a break. Just wanted something to change since I was basically rotting away in bed. I didn't want to be alone anymore. Anybody's company would do. I reach out online often for strangers that want to meet for a once time distraction.

When I make it to the gas station, I get two sodas. One for me and one for him. The girl cleaning the drink machines who is also the girl working the register was so sleepy and exhausted that I had to help her check out my items. She looked at me like she was struggling and she could clearly see the struggle that I was going through by looking at my face. I told her, "enjoy the rest of your shift" and she told me that she really appreciates that and to have a safe night. Seeing her was the best part of my whole damn day honestly. She kept apologizing for being tired and I just kept saying "no, thank you for everything you do", "thank you for working", "thank you for being here". It meant something to hear her wish me safety.

I go back to the guy's car and we drive to some empty lot so that I can smoke a cig. He kept relentlessly trying to force me to touch him, as per usual, by guiding me with his hands and pulling me into him while I'm standing. It was so annoying and forceful. I kept saying no angrily, stepping away and dancing around him with my lit cig to avoid being touched... After a long fucking time and many failed attempts at trying to force me, it was enough to get him to stop. Glad that I didn't play the role he had in mind but I don't enjoy the consequences either.

I thought about my ex who is the only other person irl who sometimes gives me rides. One time he dropped me off and told me things like "I COULD be like them" "I COULD take advantage of you" as if he's doing me a favor by not. Thanks ex of mine, that's so sweet of you to not violate me!

Guy who just got rejected again cried a bunch next to me and mumbled shit under his breath for the rest of the night. Said maybe he should leave then which reminds me of the time he suggested that he should care less because I didn't let him touch me during a car ride that I asked for in the middle of the night.

He gives backhanded ass comments all night long about how maybe I'll finally do something for myself and work harder to live the life most privileged people such as himself just get born into. He tried randomly bringing up how he saw screenshots of texts I sent to my mom that weren't very kind. I'm not sure why. He just wanted to spite me for not complying.

PS I would say that shit to her face in front of anybody and everybody. I would post it on my blog. I don't give a fuck. I don't take any of it back. She failed as a mother of two. She abused a dog to death. She failed to protect me, denied me a relationship with my birth dad and his whole family, lied that her most recent husband was my father and let him abuse me all my fucking life. She didn't even tell me my race out of shame and groomed me to hate "Spanish" people (she's too afraid to say Mexican, idk why). I would've never found out if I wasn't so damn persistent to find out why her stories don't add up. She sabotaged the benefits I was depending on in hopes I starved to death. Literally. Fuck her. When I called her crying that my ex had broken my bones and left me with a bloody face, she told me I was a liar and made sure to tell everyone else I was a liar too (despite my ex OPENLY ADMITTING TO BEING VIOLENT TOWARDS ME. I had to beg him to tell them it was true. She and her friend's whole family still call me a liar). She denied me being raped as a child. She acted like me calling CPS would ruin the family the day I threatened to without really knowing what CPS was. Her husband was going to choke me if I didn't. My mom has done FUCKED UP SHIT. FORCED ME TO LIE AND PRETENDED HER DENTURES BROKE TO GET MONEY FROM HER FAMILY MEMBERS SO SHE COULD FUEL A GAMBLING ADDICTION INSTEAD OF USING IT TO PAY FOR US TO HAVE MORE THAN JUST EGGS AND RICERONI DURING THE 2008 RECESSION. She forged my signature to move me schools when I gained the courage to tell a counselor at my highschool about the abuse when I was a freshman. She told me I was a liar and that I never got raped after the doctor whispered to her during an appointment that my fucking child hymen was broken and asked if she knew why. She told me to lie for her and to protect her husband so that he would still pay for the house he would eventually kick me out of. She said they'd take my brother and I and split us apart into different foster homes if I did and I would never see him again. She threw belts at me on my birthday. She took a whole rack of belts that her husband had in the closet and angrily threw them on top of my crying body on my 18th birthday. She said "you want to hang yourself? Here! Hope this helps!". She left me waiting after school until 9pm regularly. Telling me not to come home even though it was only across the bridge and down a few easily walkable streets. She told me I would get raped if I did. She'd ignore my calls from the payphone because I didn't have a phone growing up. She told me it was because I didn't deserve one and I would use it to talk crap about her. She said that's the same reason she didn't give me braces "why would I fix your ugly teeth? You use them to talk shit about me". She threw knives at me and my little bro when I was 7. She would tear down the whole house, pack it into a box and LEAVE without telling anybody where for so long. My brother and I would cry. And if we went to our grandma's house or knocked on the neighbor's door, we would get punished for "bringing our problems to other people". My mom has done horribly fucked up shit. She would attack me and rip apart all my belongings. All the art I was proudly posting on my empty walls. She'd destroy whatever I put up in her routine attacks. Then she would leave me crying to clean her mess after unplugging the home phones and leaving. I was too young to figure out why they wouldn't work and I remember being so desperate to call my elementary school friends for help. When I told them what happened, she would tell them that I was a liar seeking attention and not to listen to me. When I told people I was suicidal, she told them I was spoiled and fine because I had both my parents (I didn't). I didn't have lights in my bedroom until I was in my senior year of highschool. When I lost my baby, she said God punished me because I'm bad.

He asked if I would share a place with him again and I told him it's polite to offer but no because I don't want to commit suicide from being mistreated in another shitty home situation where if I don't abide by people's every command, they kick me out on my ass... Which is exactly what would happen. I'm not trying to be owned, trapped as a sex slave and threatened to be thrown back onto the streets if I don't play the role he casts onto me. I don't consent to it. Not gonna happen. People who don't understand the situation will tell me that I'm choosing to be miserable by not accepting his offer. People like his mother will say I'm a "bad woman" for not just marrying her entitled brat. That's who she is. She lies to people saying I threaten her and that I'm crazy nowadays. She tried showing off some screenshots of texts that I sent her. I hope anybody who judges me based on a few angry texts know that they're part of the problem.

I'm back home now. I don't want to exist. I don't want to be. I really wish somebody would smoke me out so that I can pass out in bed and hopefully not wake up crying tomorrow morning. I'm coping how I can. I can't keep doing this. I don't want to be here. I'm so desperate to escape my situation but all my opportunities to leave are actually just worse options. I wish I had SOMEBODY here who actually wanted good for me. I feel like I don't have anyone.

Thank you again for following my shitty life story. I'm sorry for being so sad. Things aren't fine. I just want life to be okay

[liloelsagranger]

Night shift - finally a new Rocketshipping-fanfiction

My dear friends,

it’s been a while since I last posted an entry. Let me tell you why and what, besides Covid-19, made me pause from publishing fanfictions over the last couple of months. Of course, Switzerland was very affected by the pandemic and still is today. We had numerous lock-downs or as Swiss people call it “slow downs”. My mother got very sick last year, I almost lost her. The doctors said she would only live two or three more days, but my mom is a fighter. She had to stay at the hospital for months, she endured countless medical examinations, had to take meds and slowly learned to live again. I’m so proud of my mother that she was strong and determined to get better. When she turned back home, I started to take care of her and I hate to leave her on her own, even if we’re talking about half an hour or less. Right now, she’s doing quite good, actually, we’re on vacation and she makes a great effort to participate in life in Italy. She’s my role-model! She will never be the same as before, but she won’t give up, she wakes up every morning to make progress. I prayed for her and her well-being, I prayed every single night she might get another chance and now we’re here at the beach and dining in fancy restaurants. It’s been a horrible year for everyone, a year full of sorrow, tears and desperation, a year where I was constantly afraid, the hospital would call me with some bad news, but she did it! She survived and she fights for her life! So proud! Good news is: I passed my doctoral exams and I’m officially allowed to call myself Dr. phil. des. Melanie C. but that won’t ever stop me from loving Team Rocket so here it is - a brand new Rocketshipping-fanfiction for you guys. LOVE YOU! Night shift

Chapter 1:

It was past ten o’clock when that miserable looking guy entered the diner. He inconspicuously sat down in the farthest corner of the café and immediately hid his face behind the menu card. Nevertheless, Jessie the waitress could make out the pathetic expression on his face, how he was cowering like a whipped dog. She had seen quite a bit in this diner. Drunks, thugs, addicts and other needy people who asked for a sympathetic ear, compassion and understanding, but that guy was different. He suffered terribly, but did not dare to communicate, instead he hid from the world so as not to attract attention and quietly endure his fate. Jessie had to do something about it. Of course, she didn’t want to play the Good Samaritan. She knew the tricks of the men who entered this diner. Most of the time, they told the waitress tall tales, hoping to be comforted, whatever they meant by that. But this young man did not make a shady impressionHe was well dressed, looked well-groomed, and Jessie was especially struck by his bright emerald green eyes, the only thing in his face that had not yet been veiled by grief and sorrow. She decided to do something about his displeasure.

“Did you have a rough day?” she asked while disinfecting the table.

He looked briefly into her eyes and nodded. “That’s one way to put it,” he answered, the gaze immediately lowered again.

This would be a taciturn conversation, but Jessie didn’t give up easily, she was a natural at making even rocks talk.

“Listen! No matter what happened, I’ve seen or heard some things. If I can help you in any way, my name is Jessie and I’m in charge of this table today. Let me just get the gum out from under your seat and get you a cold drink. What would you like?” She pulled a spatula from her apron and rubbed away the remains of the spoiled brats that marred her diner.

‘Wow,’ the young man thought to himself. ‘A strong, self-confident woman who lends a hand herself and who’s not above cleaning up dirt.’ Their eyes met briefly, and he forced a wry smile.

“You know, kid. You can’t rely on anyone. If you want to get everything done, do it yourself and don’t trust anyone. This world doesn’t give you anything for granted!” She briefly wiped the back of his chair before disappearing behind the counter and pouring the young man an ice-cold Coke.

“I have rarely seen you so concerned about a customer. Normally you show yourself aloof and only take the order, so as not to get involved in embarrassing conversations. Must be a really great pike, this pathetic creature in the far corner. Could it be that you’ve got a tiny crush on this guy?” For Eddy, teasing his best friend was the greatest pleasure. He didn’t know her like that. Jessie usually resisted any kind of small talk. This was due to her dark past, when she had repeatedly fallen for advances from men who were never looking for a steady relationship, but for a quick fix. Eddy had witnessed this bad time of his friend, how her heart was broken, how she was badly played with, and how she was simply dropped like a hot potato. Jack was the worst example of them all. While Jessie was already hearing the wedding bells ringing, he was making love to the women of the Strip and deceiving Jessie night after night with other broads. Jessie was devastated when she found out Jack was cheating on her. She was furious, not even at her lying boyfriend, but at herself for having been so stupid as to trust a man.

Jessie gave Eddy a light pat on the head. “Don’t be silly! That time is over. I can take care of myself, I don’t need male support for that. I’m a big girl, I make my own dough, and I keep my head above water pretty well. No, not a chance, I’ve sworn off flirting.” Nevertheless, she caught herself as her gaze wandered to the young man in the corner. “Oh yes, this time is definitely over,” Eddy smirked.

“Jessie, could you bring us a side of fries, please?” Misty’s order echoed throughout the hall. The twenty-year old waved her hands. She was used to speaking loudly, almost shouting, to attract guests to her daily water Pokémon show. Sometimes she walked up and down the streets of the Strip all day in the blazing hot sun, trying to win people for her underwater attraction. As an excellent student, she could have taught at any college, but she had decided early on to get into show business and make her living doing what she really loved, joined by Dewgong and Starmie. Her parents had not agreed with this decision at all, it was wasted talent, they had claimed, and had summarily turned Misty out the door. Since then, she had been struggling through life on her own, but could always count on Jess, the diner and her two best friends, Ash and Brock, young people who were also not favoured by fate.

“Temper your voice, twerp!” Jessie couldn’t help but grin. She spread the ketchup bottles around the table, hoping Ash wouldn’t spill on himself and the diner again. His constant companion Pikachu immediately hopped on his shoulder, grabbed a fry and popped it in his mouth. Ash and his Pokémon were carnies. He had trained his friend well and attracted many spectators with his performance. Most of them felt sorry for the guy and tipped generously. That’s why Ash was able to invite his friends to the diner every night, a place that gave them hope where they could experience security. They were convinced that nothing would ever disturb this idyll and that fate, for better or worse, had taken its course.

“Who’s that guy over there?” Brock wanted to know. He had barely sold chocolate and roses tonight. The others held back, but they were certain that their friend was just too pushy with women and that’s why he only collected rejections instead of green bills.

“I’ve never seen him here before. Must be from another area. I can’t tell you for the life of me why he’s wearing a suit at theses temperatures, he looks pretty pathetic to me anyways,” Jessie replied.

“Maybe his car has stalled,” Ash suggested, “and now he was forced to wander through the desert until the tasty aromas from your diner brought him back from his delirium.”

“Or,” Brock interfered, “he had to flee his own wedding because his wife is a real pain in the ass, unlike our sweet Misty,” Brock oohed at his friend. “Forget it, Brock! You and me, this will never happen!” She gave him a gentle poke.

“Enough now with your naïve speculations! Just let him enjoy his drink. We’re closing soon, so get going,” Jessie dismissed their absurd ideas with a wave of her hand, but at this point no one knew how right Brock was.

Dark thoughts hunted the young man. He knew what he would face at home if he was late. Beatings, torture, rebuke, harassment, were just a few words to describe his failed relationship. Unconsciously, he stroked his scarred arms.

“Can I get you something to eat?” Jessie pulled him out of the maelstrom of bad thoughts, of course she had noticed the wounds, but maybe he had gotten those injuries at work. The young man rummaged some coins out of his pants and let them jingle on the table. “Is that enough for a cheese sandwich?” Jessie hated small change, but she would make an exception for him. A friendly smile, a quick nod, and she passed on the order.

“Something’s wrong with this guy,” she whispered to Eddy. “He’s scarred, bruised and pays with penny coins. Possibly a vagrant.” Eddy couldn’t help but grin. “That guy’s been keeping you busy all night, Jess. What’s the matter with you? Are you getting weak?”

The young man could not overhear the conversation between the waiters, but he was sure they were talking about him. He sure made a rather frightening impression, but that was a private matter and not something you shared with a waitress in a diner.

His gaze drifted to the daily paper, which had two faces emblazoned on it: Butch and Cassidy. He had never heard of this odd couple, but according to the news, theses two were causing quite a stir and were terrifying the Strip.

“Oh, so you’ve already spotted them, those two knuckleheads! They keep the Strip in suspense, and heads roll when the taxes don’t add up,” Jessie served him the cheese sandwich and gave him a slight smile.

“Can I get you anything else?” He thanked her and took a hearty bite of his dinner.

The last half hour flew by and the remaining guests left the diner to spend the night on the Strip, as very few had a roof over their heads. Jessie set about cleaning up and Eddy checked the register.

The young man stood up and made his way towards the door. But before he left the diner, he glanced back at Jessie for a moment. A sigh escaped him. What if…?

Jessie returned his gaze and watched him go until the young man disappeared. She walked right up to his table and found a little note on the receipt.

“Thanks for treating me like a human being, James.” 

[aperrywilliams]

When The World Breaks You (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

(Not my gif!)

Masterlist

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader.

Summary: Reader makes a mistake during a case that triggers a lot of thoughts about a series of stressful events in her recent life. Spencer Reid turns out to be one of them.

Word Count: 6538.

Warnings: Mention to stressful events in relationships. Mention to possible alcohol abuse. Unprotected sex. A lot of curses. Angst. Smut. I promise it’s an ‘optimistic’ end.

A/N: For the Secret Fic Swap. An excellent idea from @dontkissthewriter and organized by @imagining-in-the-margins​.

This fic was written for @safertokiss​. Thanks for reading. Feedback is welcomed!

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We all make mistakes in life. It’s written somewhere. They tell you that since childhood. Everybody knows. But when you have to experience it, things are different: it seems nobody remembers and they throw it in your face every time they can. To err is human. Have they already forgotten it?

It’s true, there are situations where a mistake can be much more costly than others. In this line of work it turns out to be so. One misstep could result in the death of innocent people. In my case it was not like that... but it could have been. Hotch's face of disappointment when he looked at me could have killed me down in the same spot, after he himself shot down the unsub almost by the work and grace of the Holy Spirit. I was wrong. I tried myself to save a little girl from the hands of a psychopath using the most reckless strategy that occurred to me at the time. The girl might have died if Hotch didn’t appeared in the right moment.

It wasn't many minutes before my own teammates started to reproach my recklessness.

"How can you did that (Y/N)? You could have had that girl killed!" shouted Emily.

"You should have waited for reinforcements (Y/N). It was obvious you couldn't handle the unsub" Morgan barked.

"(Y/N), lucky you Hotch showed up at that moment..." JJ hissed.

"Your youthful impetus almost got the worst, (Y/N)..." Rossi mused.

"Tomorrow, first hour of the day, I want your report in my desk (Y/N), and we’ll talk about what happened today" was the last sentence of Hotch.

The only one who didn't say anything was Reid. Although his look of frustration was only comparable to Hotch's. Bent on continuing to torture myself, I walked over to where Spencer was, almost forcing him to speak to me.

“I still haven't heard any ‘comments’ from you about what happened in there. Everyone has already given me their opinion". I snapped with a challenging tone. It was the only thing left for me if I didn't want to cry right there. Reid looked at me but said nothing. “Ah, your punishment for me is the silence. Very original Reid, very original”. I left the place by getting into one of the SUV that would take us back to the jet.

The trip back home was silent. I self-relegated in one of the furthest seats. I looked out the window as the jet's wings touched the clouds. I could feel some compassionate glances from my teammates, but I never made eye contact with them. Nor when we get to the bullpen to collect our things. Nor when I quickly got on the elevator to avoid having to share it with anyone.

When I got to my apartment I just wanted to lie down in my bed. Before reaching my mission, all I did was take off my shoes. I fell slumped on the mattress. Only then did I allow myself to cry. In the solitude of my own place. Place not long ago I shared with another person. Person who decided my job was too demanding and didn’t want to pay the price for my absence. Person who was quickly disappointed in me despite having promised his eternal love in front a civil judge in our wedding. Person I believed loved me unconditionally. To be fair, I forgot that too. My love didn't turn out to be unconditional either.

Love is not unconditional. This is a learning for life my dear friends.

As Hotch requested, I was in his office first hour in the morning with my report from the day before. As he read it, I was standing in front of him with my hands crossed on my stomach and staring blankly at the bookshelf behind Hotch's desk.

"So you agree that it was a reckless decision..." Hotch recited.

"Yes sir. It was. Although the purpose was to save the life of an innocent…”. Hotch interrupted my speech.

“(Y/N), indeed that is the goal of this work, but there are rules too. And if you can't follow the rules, you can't do this job either. I hope you understand that” he stated.

"Yes sir…" was my reply.

“Due to the scope of this case, I cannot leave you without some sanction for your conduct. That is why you’ll be suspended for 2 weeks without payment. I need your badge and your gun”.

I was not surprised by the measure. Although I had a secret hope it would only be a reprimand from Hotch. Hopes are shit. I handed over my gun and my badge. I was about to leave the office when Hotch spoke again.

"(Y/N). I understand you have been through a lot in these months, please try to take these days to rest and clear your head” he suggested.

"Yes sir".

Why was I going to argue with him about it? Was it worth telling him that not even a one-month suspension could be enough to me for clear my head?

I went downstairs to my desk. Again without making eye contact with my co-workers. I grabbed my jacket and purse and walked out of the bullpen into the elevator. Before the doors were closed I heard my name.

"(Y/N), wait!". Reid with one of his arms stopped the door and got on the elevator. I looked at him without saying anything. "Where are you going?".

"I think you know where... and why too". I replied now looking at the elevator floor.

"How long?" He asked.

"Two weeks" I replied dryly.

"Oh, I'm sorry". Reid lamented.

"Don’t be sorry. At least I still have my job. For now…”. I assured with a shrug, barely making eye contact with him.

"Do you need something?..." he offered.

“Don't worry about me Reid. I'll be fine". The elevator had reached the subway, opening its doors. I went out and gave him a little warm smile. He did the same. Then the doors closed with him inside. I started walking to the car to get back to my apartment.

It was strange being in my apartment so early. I’m usually one of those who leaves the BAU almost at dusk. At least that's what I had been doing for the last 4 months, after my divorce. Now I was sitting on my couch thinking about what to do in the next two weeks. No idea came to my head. I knew it would be a long two weeks.

The next day I started doing a deep cleaning of the place. It’s not my apartment has been neglected in these months, but there were many things from "my old life" I still had. I started going through boxes with my ex-husband's things: there were clothes, sporting goods he didn’t take with him, books. I also found photographs. The vast common of them I tore up and throwed into a trash can, however, I stopped at my wedding photos. Smiles were everywhere. Many of the photographs with both of us at the altar, others dancing. There was a photo of us with the BAU team at the party. Memories of that moment quickly came to my mind. Precisely after taking that photograph in particular.

After the photographer captured the moment, my husband gave me a sweet peck on my lips and told me he would go and talk with his family a while. I nodded, meanwhile the BAU girls surrounded me laughing next to me and hugging me for the umpteenth time, happy for me.

I could see Spencer walking away towards one of the corners of the garden. I had seen him act strange a few days ago. But particularly on my wedding day we had hardly spoken a word. Which was strange. Spencer was my best friend, my "partner in crime". That's how it had been since I came to the BAU 4 years ago. Taking advantage of the fact I had a moment of freedom, I approached him. He was sitting on one of the benches in the garden. I sat next to him smiling. He looked at me and gave me a smile too.

"Hey... why are you alone around here?" I asked taking his hand.

"I'm enjoying the fresh air and there is less noise here," he replied.

“I know you are not a friend of loud music. I understand you and I share that. I just must say today has been a roller coaster of things. I'm exhausted”. I confessed but I received no reply.

"Spencer?". He looked at me as if trying to tell me something without words. "What is it? Can you tell me...". After a silence that started to become uncomfortable, he resolved to speak.

"You really love him..." he said. I frowned. I didn't know exactly what he meant.

"Well... if I married him it must be for that, right?". I tried to joke to lighten the mood. But Spencer didn't laugh.

“(Y/N), I’m sorry. I think I should go…”. He got up from the bench and was going to leave me there with more questions than answers.

"Spencer, wait!... you can't leave like this. Please tell me what's wrong..." I pleaded.

Forcing Spencer to speak at that point must have been one of my biggest mistakes in a long time. How often does your best friend confess he has been in love with you for years on your wedding day?

Only in the movies. The difference is that in the movies the bride runs off with the lover, leaving the groom behind and living happily ever after. It was not my case. Spencer was the one who ran off, alone… while I stood on the bench with tears rolling down my cheeks, a confession and millions of doubts that beginning to fill my mind.

Of course I was in love with my husband. Perhaps a somewhat childish love, but we had known each other for so many years that it was difficult for me to imagine myself otherwise than being married to him, having children, a house and a dog. That was my dream since I was 16 years old.

But things change. My life also changed. I studied Forensic Psychology and fell so in love with my major that I wanted to join the FBI to put what I had learned into real practice. This is how I came to the BAU afterwards. A whole world opened before my eyes. I faced the best and the worst of the world. My innocence faded over time. I was much more aware of what was happening around me. And I was happy with that.

I fell in love with my job too. I also bonded with my co-workers. I started spending more time with Emily, JJ and Penelope both on and off work. But what changed me the most was making friends with Spencer Reid. When we met, the first thing I noticed was his shyness. It seemed adorable to me. As we got to know each other I understood many things about his character, just as he understood many things about me as well.

The jet trips, the talks at the local police stations, the theories about the unsubs were made much more bearable thanks to Spencer. At some point I asked myself if our friendship could be something more. I didn't think it was possible. But the doubts came all the times I had a strong argument with my boyfriend. Arguments that sometimes ended with me leaving the apartment we shared and crashing into Spencer's place crying on his shoulder.

I remembered one of those times. It was a strong discussion. Triggered by my prolonged absence thanks to the cases that kept us traveling all over the country. Like the previous times I ended up in Reid's apartment drowning my sorrows in his chest.

"(Y/N)… can I ask you a question?" I just nodded, still sobbing. "Are you sure you love him?... I mean… maybe I said it wrong... I don't have doubts you love him, but do you think this relationship is working for you?..."

“It has worked so far. It's true… we have our ups and downs, but… I don't know… it's just I wish he could understand what my life is really like…"

"And if he doesn't?... how many more chances will you give him (Y/N)?... don't hurt yourself more, please...".

My memory recalls the way he looked at me. At first I thought it was compassion. ‘Poor woman, in love with a man who doesn't understand her.’ But then I thought I saw something else. A plea? I didn't really know what it was.

Without thinking, I let myself be carried away and wrapped my arms around his neck, crashing my lips on his. A simple impulse that ended with me and Reid making out on his couch. And boy I did enjoy it!. And I'm sure he did too. But we were both cowardly enough to admit it.

After that things were strange between us. Until one day I faced him. I needed to know what his true feelings were. The bastard denied it. He said he only wanted me as a friend, that I deserved to be happy with my boyfriend and that ours was just a good friendship.

I let it go. We returned to our dynamic of good friends. Things seemed to take their normal course. My boyfriend proposed to me, the fights between us disappeared. Thus faded the nights when I came crying to Spencer's apartment. I was feeling happy. Excited. Until that moment in my wedding party, in the garden, when Spencer left me with his confession stabbing my chest.

I didn't want to think about that. I had given him a chance to open up earlier. And he didn’t do it. Spencer fucking Reid kept the silent. And I didn't say anything either. Maybe if I had given him a sign. But it was too late. I had to get on with my life. And that's what I did.

A year of happiness. That was how long my marriage lasted. And not because I haven't tried. I really tried. But Reid was right. Sooner or later the opportunities would no longer be enough. Promises weren't sufficient to keep alive the illusion of life as I had dreamed of as a teenager.

*************

I was worried. It had been 4 days since (Y/N) was suspended and no one had heard from her. I asked Prentiss and she only told me she texted her to know how she was doing and (Y/N) replied with a dry ‘fine’.

Besides being worried, I was upset. No one on the team had bothered to visit (Y/N). Months ago it would have been my mission, but given the circumstances maybe it wasn't a good idea. I was annoyed by the idea she was struggling alone with this situation. It was not fair. None of this was fair.

That she couldn't be happy wasn't fair. And that we couldn't be together was my fault. My silence. I lied when I could have told the truth. There is not a day I don’t regret that.

My second mistake was speaking at the wrong time. I couldn't bear it and in a moment of weakness I confessed my feelings to (Y/N). And it was selfish, I know. A chain of bad decisions I tried to bury over time.

And it seemed time was working. She was happy with her husband, or so I thought. While we tried to return to our friendship routine. Perhaps that is another of the biggest lies in the universe: ours would never be the same. Ours will never be the same again. I didn't find out things were going wrong in her marriage until it was all broken. I could notice some things about her behavior, but she was never going to tell me anything about that part of her life, ever again.

On the sixth day of her suspension, my worry began to overwhelm me. This time I wasn’t the only one who was concerned. Emily and JJ tried to contact (Y/N) but she just didn't answer the phone. Even Hotch had left messages on her voicemail to check her status. None had an answer.

I couldn't sit idly by. What if something had happened to her? Sure she wouldn't want to talk to me, but at least I needed to know she was okay. That afternoon I left the BAU heading to her apartment. Upon arrival, I knocked on the door twice. But I got no answer. Maybe she had gone out to buy something. Or maybe something had happened to her and she couldn't open the door. I hesitated what to do for a while. I paced outside her door until anxiety got the better of me. I still had the spare key to her apartment. I knew it wasn't appropriate, but my concern won. I opened the door and launched to inspect the place.

She was not in the apartment. The place was a bit messy, but it wasn't a mess itself. I found many boxes in the living room, some half packed. They didn't seem to be her things, which partly reassured me. For a second I thought she was moving somewhere else. What made me uneasy was seeing several empty liquor bottles on the kitchen counter. That gave me an idea of where she might be at that specific moment.

I quickly reached (Y/N)'s favorite bar scanning through the crowd until I saw her near the bar counter with a group of men surrounding her. I stepped closer and crossed the circle of testosterone that shrouded (Y/N). Seeing me, she raised up her arms to signal my arrival.

“And here is my favorite genius! Dr. Spencer Reid!" (Y/N) chimed obviously drunk. When I managed to get to her side, she threw her arms over me, almost falling from the tabouret where she was sitting next to the bar. I hold her with my arms, restoring some balance to her. As I spoke to the group of predators still looking at (Y/N).

"Well. The show ended here. You can go to the other side of the bar”. I announced to the marauders who, puffing, broke the circle around (Y/N) dispersing.

“You are a killjoy Reid. You always have been”. Despite her condition she knew exactly how to hit me with her words.

"Let's go. I'll take you home" I stated.

When we left the bar, she stopped and didn't want to keep walking.

"Reid... really, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"I came to look for you…" I mumbled.

"You didn't have to... I'm fine, don't you see me? Won-der-ful…" she tried to joke.

"(Y/N)... you're drunk... let me take you home" I insisted.

"Noooo, I don't want to. I'm fine here. Let me…"

"Please come with me". I demanded and grabbed her forearm.

"I don't want to be hurt any more Spencer... leave me alone" she complained.

"I know. But let me help you…"

"You cannot. Nobody can help me. Everyone abandons me and it's my fault...". (Y/N) tried to left my grip.

"Don’t say that. It's not your fault". I hugged her and she stopped struggling but started sobbing into my chest.

We held each other for a moment. The sobs gave way to hiccups. When (Y/N) was calmer, I managed to get her into the car. I drove to her apartment. When I stopped the car, I noticed she had fallen asleep with her head resting on the car window. Carefully, I opened the passenger door and took her in my arms, bridal style. She only let out a groan, but not fully awake. I went upstairs with her to the floor of her apartment, took out the key, opened the door and we went inside.

As gently as I could, I laid her on the bed. I took off her shoes and tucked her with the duvet. Again I heard her sobs.

"Why did it have to be like this?..." she muttered. I didn't know what to answer her.

"It's my fault. I end up ruining everything. I always make mistakes that end up ruining everything…” she cried. I knew it wasn't a good time to talk, but (Y/N) needed to be able to at least sleep in peace.

"No, don’t say that. You better sleep now. Tomorrow we can talk about this".

"You will stay with me?" she asked in a barely audible voice.

"Only if you want me to stay..."

"Please…" she begged.

I took off my shoes and cuddled next to her under the duvet. I wrapped my arms around her body and after a few minutes I felt her breathing much quieter, a sign that she had fallen asleep.

When I woke up next morning, (Y/N) was still sleeping. I knew she would be in that condition for at least a couple of hours, when the light in the room will wake up her and make her feel the hangover in her body. I gently got up and went to the living room. I wondered if it was really wise to stay until she woke up or maybe I should just leave her and go home. I wanted to be able to talk to her, but I wasn't sure if it would be the best time. I laughed at myself after that thought. Is there a better time for us at anything? That didn't exist in our books.

I made myself a coffee and grabbed some of the books from her shelf. I struggled with the urge to explore the things that were inside the boxes scattered around the room. I sat down on the couch and started reading.

A few hours later I heard (Y/N) walking out of the bedroom and into the bathroom, turning on the shower faucets. I got up from the couch and started making coffee again. She was going to need it. I also started making some toast. After a while she came out of the bathroom straight into the bedroom again. A few more minutes passed and she peeked into the kitchen where I was finishing buttering the toast.

"You didn't need to make breakfast..." she remarked, making her presence known. I raised my head to look at her.

"At least you need the coffee..." I suggested as I handed her the mug of coffee.

"It’s true. Thank you". She sat down and after a sip put the coffee on the table.

"How do you feel?"

"The shower helped... but the hangover won't leave me for a good couple of hours," she complained. I put the plate of toast on the table and sat across from her with my own coffee. We fell silent as we drank our coffee and ate our toasts.

When there was no more coffee or toast left, (Y/N) started talking.

"I wanted to apologize for my behavior last night." She mused.

"You don’t have to apologize…". I shook my head.

"Yes. I need to. Although I don't know how you knew I was there, you brought me back safely. Thank you". Her eyes felt into the empty mug.

“It was not a bother to me. I was worried about you (Y/N). In fact, I'm worried about you,” I confessed, looking again at the empty liquor bottles on the kitchen counter. She followed my line of sight and knew exactly what I meant.

“I'm fine Reid… so don't worry. I have accumulated them in all these days. It's not so big deal either" she bragged.

“I don't think you're okay (Y/N). You've avoided calls and messages from the whole team these days…". I stated.

“I just wanted to be peaceful, Reid. As you can see, I’m trying to 'clean up' my life,” (Y/N) assured as she pointed to the boxes scattered around the room.

"You don't have to do that alone..." I implied trying to get into the matter.

"Reid, please… don’t do this. You know I can't let you do this…” she mumbled.

"Why not? Please (Y/N)... why do you want to keep pushing people away from you?".

“Not all people. Only you". Her overabundance of sincerity didn’t surprise me, but at that moment it left me speechless. "Sorry to say it like that, but you can't pretend things are the way they were at the beginning." She was right, but I wasn't ready to lose this fight.

"Will you never forgive me for telling you about my feelings that night at your wedding?" I shouted running one of my hands through my hair.

"Not that. I’ll never forgive you for keeping silent when I asked you what you felt before!" she yelled at me back.

"(Y/N)... I was scared...". I tried to explain.

“I was scared too Reid!... but I had hopes. The hopes you killed at that time," she grumbled taking her head with both hands.

"Do you think it was easy for me?"

"I don’t care. If you had told me maybe I would have cared. I'm not a fucking fortune teller Reid!" She got up from her chair and began pacing the room. We were getting back into this discussion, again.

"I just… I never thought you would do it..." I said defeated.

"What? Get married?... why shouldn't I?". She asked in exasperation.

"Because you didn't love him!!!" I screamed.

"How do you know that? Damn it Reid!"

"Because if you really loved him, you would never have come to my apartment every time you both had an argument! That was never love (Y/N)! It was your dream, but it was never real!"

"What do you know about love?, ah?... are you really going to give me a lecture on something you have no idea? You weren't even able to face me when you made your big reveal. That's not love either Reid"

"Watch your words (Y/N), you have no idea what you're talking about" I warned her.

"Oh no? Enlighten me genius"

I got up quickly from the chair. I took one of her wrists and pulled it towards me. I cupped her cheeks with both hands and bumped my lips to hers. (Y/N) tried to pull away from me for a second, but then she melted into the kiss just like I did at the time. If words weren't enough, I hoped that kiss could help me ‘tell’ her everything I was feeling. When we both run out of air, we pulled away.

“If you didn't always have the compulsion of saying the last word, maybe I would have shown you earlier. But no! Always contradicting (Y/N)! " I muttered panting.

“What the fuck Reid?. Do you think a kiss is enough to silence me?". She pulled away trying to catch her breath and not knowing whether to keep yelling at me or to leave the room.

"No, not with a kiss. I know. Of course it is not enough with you (Y/N). I think I’m just starting with you".

“Where does this dominance come from? Eh Reid? What are you trying to prove?" she asked me defiantly.

"Just shut up (Y/N)... and stop calling me Reid". I protested. How difficult is for this woman to give up in a fight, for God sake!

"Make me... Reid". She challenged me back.

The tension built up over the years seemed to have exploded at that moment. I took her wrists again to attract her to my body, with one of my hands I took her hair and yanked it back to make her look at me.

"Stop it (Y/N). You don't want me to make you" I managed to mutter before collapsing my lips with hers again. This time the kiss was more passionate and extensive. I couldn't keep my hands still, while with one I was still yanking (Y/N)’s hair, the other started to down her back by entangling my fingers in the edge of her shirt. As I put my fingers under the shirt to touch her bare back, I felt a moan from (Y/N). That encouraged me to continue. Releasing my other hand from her hair, I grabbed the other end of her shirt, pulling it, take it off her body and throwing it to the floor. My lips began to search for the sweet spot on her neck that I knew existed and always wanted to explore. When I found it, another groan came from (Y/N)'s mouth. Those moans quickly turned me on. With my hands traveling down her nearly bare back, I paused on the clasp of her bra, pulling it apart and letting it fall to the floor. An exciting sigh left my mouth when I could see her naked half.

(Y/N) looked at me expectantly. Her eyes inviting me to continue, but I started to worry that no words come out of her mouth.

"Is something wrong?... do you want me to stop?"

"What are we doing Spencer...?" she said panting.

“What I think we should have done so long ago. And because of me we couldn't. But if you don't want to, I'll stop”. I assured her as I stroked her cheeks with my knuckles.

"Shit Spencer... I don't want to die without you fucking me once in life at least...". With that she threw herself into my arms and started to unbutton my dress shirt.

"God (Y/N)... you don’t how much I want you." I whispered to her as I dropped my dress shirt to the floor and my hands searched for her bare breasts. My lips and tongue tracing paths on her collarbone. Her arms were around my neck gripping tightly.

“Show me, you fucking coward! Prove you mean it!” she told.

“This time you don’t have to tell me twice…”.

I took her in my arms and carried her into the bedroom, laying her on the mattress, while I undid the clasp on my belt and unbuttoned my pants, letting them fall to the floor. She slipped her sweatpants, exposing her body only in her lace. I laid down next to her, tracing eager paths in her bare skin with my fingers.

"You are so fucking beautiful (Y/N)... you drive me crazy...". I blurted, peppering kisses and sucking one of her nipples. (Y/N) stroked my hair as I keep my mouth attached into her breasts. My hands went down her waist and stopped in her thighs for a while. Then my fingers traveled anxiously across her belly, her hips, and her ass. I looked at her with fire in the eyes and could see how (Y/N) was breathing heavily holding her eyes on me as I slide her panties off, one leg at a time. I put one of her legs over my shoulder and buried my mouth between her legs, nibbling on the skin while I was holding her hip with both hands. (Y/N) couldn't help but arch her back, letting out a deep whine.

"Oh fuck Spencer... shit… please…" she moan not expecting to be coherent in her words. I was decided to go further, so my hands started to slide into her inner thighs. I wanted to explore the depths of her core. Not so gently I put one of my fingers inside her. The moisture I found did nothing but arouse me more. The contact sure caused more stimulation on her and she started to move and buck to feel more depth and friction.

"Please... Spencer... if we are going to do this, I need more...". Her words made me put a second finger. She shuddered on contact again. I couldn't help but bite my lower lip as I looked (Y/N)'s eyes stiff at the sensation running through her body. At the movement of my fingers inside her, (Y/N) was unable to control her own, seeking to deepen the feeling by riding hard on them. I lowering my tongue until reached her folds. I slipped my tongue to catch some of her moisture mixed with my own saliva. A stifled moan from me made (Y/N) tremble at the vibration of my voice running through her body. I put a third finger inside her while my tongue focused on her clit, licking and sucking the exposed nerve.

(Y/N) let out almost a cry bursting with pleasure. I speed up the actions of my fingers and my tongue and I could feel (Y/N) shiver under my touch. I heard her moaning louder as she held on to my hair. I knew she was close to her release because her body trembled at every thrusting of my fingers and slapping of my tongue.

"Oh fuck... I can't... Spencer... please... don't stop... I'm going to cum..." she said frenzy as her nails scratched my shoulders.

"Do it love, cum in my fingers... do it... let me feel how you undone beneath me…" I gasped trying to help her to find her release, while the thrusts of my fingers became more frantic than ever.

"Fuck... Spencer... uhhh, shit!" It was the last she could say before falling hard at her ecstasy. She was trembling completely with her eyes lost on the ceiling. When the spasms stopped, I pulled my fingers out, tasting her arousal in my mouth and looking at her. Her messy hair, the sweat running down her forehead and her eyes full of pleasure. It couldn't have been more pleasing for me.

“I think you need a reward for this so… come here. I need you to fuck me with your cock right now… please…”. (Y/N) demanded still panting.

I just chuckled meanwhile I slipped off my boxers and then placed my hips between her legs lining up my cock at her entrance. My slow entry produced a unison groan in both of us.

"Oh fuck (Y/N)... you're so tight for me..." was the only thing I said before (Y/N) raised her hips without warning to feel me fully in her. A roar tore from my mouth as I grabbed her hips to start moving inside her. The thrusts started slow but intense, accompanied by gasps and sweat. I increased the speed of my thrusts in the next minutes. The desire to feel each other had reached a point of no return for both. The moans mingled with the vocalization of our names only increased arousal in us. I could feel her walls tighten with friction and it drove me madder and louder. She was very close to losing herself in ecstasy. Her body began to tremble, which made me hasten my pace. I put one of my fingers over her clit and traced circular movements on it. The (Y/N)’s moans increased in time and noise.

"Fuck Spencer... Oh yeah, right there. More please… Spencer, harder…”. She exclaimed in ecstasy.

"(Y/N), you feel so good with my cock inside you. Do you like it?, tell me… I want to hear you… use your words…”. I needed to hear her voice.

"Harder Spencer. You are fucking me so good. Please don't stop… I love you. I wanted this so badly… so time ago…”

“This time I'm not going to let you go. Tell me, did he touch you like this?... He kissed you like this?... He fucked you like this?"

"Shit… Spencer, it’s not the time to compare yourself to my ex…" (Y/N) moaned.

“I just want you to realize that I’m better than him. That I have more right to have you than he and any other man. That I’m the only man who could love you like you deserves (Y/N)…"

With those words I could feel how the orgasm hit (Y/N) like a train. She screamed my name one last time before getting lost in her heights. I kept my thrusts knowing I was close. Feeling her walls tighten around my cock was enough for a couple more thrusts and reach my own release. And it was better than I had imagined every time I thought about (Y/N) and what sex with her would be like. God! I could stay like this forever.

Even with our shaky breaths and still inside her I looked (Y/N) directly in the eyes. I needed to know her reaction. I just hoped I didn't find regret in her gaze. That would have been death for me.

She looked at me with a glint in her eyes that I couldn't decipher. Tears? I was terrified. I didn't want to lose (Y/N) again.

"Shit Spencer... where did you learn to fuck like that?" she blurt suddenly. We both started laughing. I assumed it was a rhetorical question, so I only answered with a deep kiss on her lips as I got out of bed in the direction to the bathroom.

I came back with a damp towel to clean up the remains of our recent activities. (Y/N) didn't take her eyes off me but she didn't say a word either. I put the towel on the nightstand and sat on the bed with my back on the backrest.

"Okay, what are you thinking now?" I asked. (Y/N) smiled because she knew exactly that I was going to ask her that question.

“It's just… I find it hard to believe that you really love me. I mean, so much has happened in this time… don't you even have a little doubt going around in your head about this?" she questioned giving me a shy look.

"Not anymore. I had doubts for so long (Y/N), that's why I wasn't able to do anything about it. But I can assure you that there are no more doubts. I love you and I know you love me too. Nonetheless I'm willing to wait for whatever it takes until you're ready. But I’ll never be silent about my feelings for you again. That I can assure you. I promise”. I replied taking her hand and squeezing it gently.

"I'm still broken Spencer...". She remind me pressing her lips together and trying to hold back a sob

“(Y/N). I know and I take full responsibility for that too. But now I don´t care all our past mistakes. I don’t care the past itself. I don’t care if you’re broken now. I want to fix this. I want you. I want to make up to you. I want to make you happy. No matter how long it takes me to accomplish that. I’ll stay by your side. I’ll hold you when you need it, I want to be there when the world breaks you. I’ll fight and support you every time that happens…"

Tears began to roll down her cheeks. (Y/N) hugged me tight and buried her head on my chest. Then she raised her gaze to look at me and speak.

"Love is not unconditional Spencer... you know that…" she murmured.

"Not by default my love, but we can build it to make it work for us.". She smiled at my words and after giving me an intense kiss she spoke again.

“I hope you’re right. I know we can try to make it work. I love you Spencer”.

“I love you too (Y/N). We are going to make it. I promise".

———————

[punprincess321]

Jesse: *taking a vacation at his ranch in Texas, enjoying some sweet tea and jerky on the porch when a coyote pup walks up* you want some little guy? *tosses a piece of jerky to the wild dog*

*the pup runs over and gnaws on the jerky, giving Jesse a view of it's newly missing leg, blood is dripping from the wound and the bone is showing*

Jesse: oh no... *walks over and holds out another piece to lure the pup closer, he picks up the pup and carries it inside*

*the pup growls and tries to bite Jesse but is mostly whimpering at the pain of its injury*

Jesse: Take it easy buddy, I ain't gonna hurt ya. *takes the pup into the bathroom and carefully cleans its wounds before wrapping it up* there ya go pardner, let's now get you to the vet and getcha checked out.

-

*at the vet*

Doctor: The pup will be fine but he's clearly abandoned, no coyote leaves their pack this young, we can send him to a sanctuary or you can look after him yourself.

Jesse: *looks at the pup, is reminded of how he lost his family after losing his arm* I'll take'em.

-

*back at the ranch*

Jesse: *lets the coyote out of the kennel and sets up a food and water bowl, a bed and some toys* there we go, now to give ya a name...

*the pup runs over to the toys and starts tearing up the stuffed rabbit*

Jesse: *chuckles* ya wanna play? *grabs the toy and plays tug'o war with the pup*

-

*couple weeks later*

Jesse: *drives back up to base after his vacation, he grabs his bag and the kennel from the car*

Lena: welcome back Jesse! *notices the kennel* you got a pet!? What is it?!

Jesse: I'll show everyone in a moment. *heads to his room*

-

*in the living room*

Jesse: *sets down the kennel and opens the door* c'mon out Dusty.

*a neatly groomed coyote pup comes out of the kennel, a red collar with a skull shaped tag around its neck*

Genji: it's missing an arm like you!

Jesse: yup, Dusty here lost his arm and family decided to get him some help unlike me. *picks up Dusty and gets his face licked*

Mei: He's so well behaved, how long have you had him?

Jesse: couple of weeks, I got him all his shots and stuff, I've been raw feeding him too, he loves jerky.

Angela: You two were meant for each other.

Jesse: suppose we were. *smiles*

Hanzo: May I pet him?

Jesse: You could try darlin', Dusty ain't used to humans except me.

Hanzo: *pets Dusty and gets his hand licked*

Genji: You and Dusty have another thing in common, you both love my brother.

[little-writings]

can i request a fanfic where mc is a veterinarian with her own clinic and the reason she meets jumin is because of elizabeth needing a checkup!

Oh my goodness absolutely! This was actually so fun to write! 

Anyhow, I hope you have an amazing day and enjoy!

———————————————————————————————————–

“How long has it been since Elizabeth 3rd has been to the vet?” V asked, grinning fondly as the snowy-white cat pressed against his legs, a purr beginning to rumble in her throat.  

“She doesn’t need to see a vet. She’s in perfect health.” Jumin remarked, fiddling with the cuffs of his sleeves absentmindedly. “I have a chef prepare her a perfectly figured diet, one of the most  accalimed groomers brush her coat once a week, and-”  

“They’re supposed to get examined yearly.”  

“Who are?”  

V scoffed. “Cats, dogs, and any other animal you could call a pet.”  

“I’ll see about having a house veterinarian come by.”  

“Well, I’ve actually been hearing quite a bit about a certain veterinarian. I think you’d like them.”  

“Are they on call?”  

“No, they have a well-established practice downtown.”  

“Then I’m not interested.” Jumin stated matter-of-factly. “Taking Elizabeth 3rd outside presents too many risks. She could get hurt, lost or both – or even worse. I would never forgive myself if that were to happen.”  

V’s brows furrowed behind his tinted frames. “They’re apparently one of the best in the country. I hear there’s not a pet they don’t get along with.”  

“I would hope so, being a professional. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s an on-site practice. Any potential danger to Elizabeth 3rd isn’t worth it.”  

“Do you really think I’d recommend something that could hurt Elizabeth 3rd?”  

Jumin jerked his head to V and found himself stumbling over his words, cornered by his own stubborn mind. “What? No, I ah – no of course not.”  

The ends of V’s lips curled up and he knelt down to scratch Elizabeth behind the ears, her quiet purring volume erupting to that of a lawnmower.  

“Then give them a try.”  

Jumin wrinkled his nose. “Why are you so adamant?”  

“Because,” V simpered. “I think you’d like them.”  

Jumin didn’t have to ask the next question for V to know what he was wondering.  

“They’re professional and very devoted to their work,” He rose to his feet and rummaged through his jacket, snagging a crisp, clean card from his pocket. He gave it to Jumin who eyed it curiously.  

“In fact, they remind me of you.”  

Jumin paused. Pawprints bordered the card alongside hearts and a phone number he supposed he had no choice but to call at this point. He hardly saw V enough these days, the last thing he wanted to do was disappoint him.  

“I’ll… I’ll think about it.”  

And so, later that evening, he found himself calling.  

“Loving Paws Animal Hospital, how can I help you?” The voice on the other line was sickeningly sweet and welcoming, as though dipped in honey and soaked in sugar.  

Jumin paused and bit the inside of his cheek, swallowing his pride. ”Yes, I’d like to speak to your lead veterinarian?”  

“MC? They’re currently with a client at the moment, but I’d be more than happy to transfer you to their voicemail. Have we seen the pet before?”  

“No. No one has.”  

The secretary must’ve been left at a loss at the stern tone and proclamation, but she did her best regardless against the statue that was Jumin Han.

“So, it’s a new pet?”  

“No.”

“Then… you’re a new client?”  

“Yes. Potentially.”  

Jumin heard an attempt at a stifled snicker and the hospital gained a mental strike in his mind.  

“Okay well, I’ll just go ahead and transfer you to MC’s voicemail. You have a wonderful day, sir!”

That sugary sweetness returned once more, perhaps even more high-pitched than it had been. There was a pause on the other line before your voicemail began. Your voice, in comparison, was light, airy. Jumin could only think of a pleasant song when listening to it – something he found himself falling into.

“Hi this is MC, I can’t get to the phone right now but if you’ll leave a message I’ll do my best to get back to you as soon as I can!”

Despite all the preparedness Jumin thought he might’ve had, he still managed to stumble the second that alerting sound went off.

“I-I ah yes – my name is Jumin Han, and I was considering setting up an appointment for my cat, Elizbeth 3rd. It’s just for an annual exam, though I don’t even think she really needs it she’s in pristine-”

Jumin realized he was rambling and cleared his throat sheepishly.

“Anyways, I was hoping I could ask you some questions before making a final decision. If you would call me back, it’d be appreciated. Thank you.”

Jumin let out a deep sigh and relented to the horrible process of waiting.

You returned the phone call in the evening when the warm oranges, purples, and slightest hues of a deep, murky blue were settling in and spreading overhead. Jumin answered in an instant.

“Hi! Is this Mr. Han?” Your voice was even softer beyond a recorded message. You sounded sweet, but just the tiniest bit tired.

“Yes. MC, isn’t it? I’ve heard many things about you.”

You chuckled. “Good things I hope.”

A smile tugged at Jumin’s face. “Good things only. It has set my expectations high.”

“Well, I’d be delighted to meet those expectations, Mr. Han. Now, what can I do for your Elizabeth 3rd?”

“Technically speaking, there is nothing that’s necessary. Elizabeth 3rd is perfectly taken care of. I simply can’t imagine any problems arising for such a creature.”

“And what kind of perfect creature is she?”

“She is a Persian.”

You thought for a moment, and Jumin could hear a pen tapping against a desk. “Persian cats can have some complications, even if they’re in otherwise perfect living conditions. Unfortunately, it just comes with the breed.”

A sudden twisting of knots appeared in Jumin’s stomach. He tensed. “Such as…?”

“Well, you know their cute little smushed faces? Like pugs their nasal passages are shorter and more susceptible to their environments.”

Jumin opened his mouth to speak, but you continued on like a textbook’s worth of knowledge had just been released.

“And Persians specifically are prone to polycystic kidney disease, and you have to watch out for that because if ignored when they reach eight or nine years old they could suddenly collapse and die-”

You stopped yourself. You might’ve not needed to jump to that immediate conclusion.

“But I uh – it is also perfectly possible that Elizabeth 3rd is in a completely healthy state!”

Jumin was now staring wide-eyed at Elizabeth 3rd who sat uncaringly in the center of the living room. She was grooming herself and only her tail was lightly swaying from side to side across the carpet. She appeared almost serene.

‘They could suddenly collapse and die.”

A pit crumpled in Jumin’s insides.

“When’s the soonest I can come in?”

You laughed nervously. There was a clicking of a computer mouse and a brief moment of silence where you glanced through the schedule. “I can squeeze you in tomorrow afternoon?”

“I’ll be there.”

“Mr. Han… are you okay?”

Jumin looked once more at Elizabeth 3rd who now raised her head to meet him. She closed and opened her eyes slowly, mewing.

“I will be when I know Elizabeth 3rd is okay.”

You sighed. “It sounds like Elizabeth 3rd has a very devoted pet parent. She is lucky to have you Mr. Han.”

“I am lucky to have her.”

The call ended soon after with you meekly attempting to assuage his fears, and Jumin beginning to pace about Elizabeth like any cause for concern he’d already miss would simply leap out for a dramatic entrance.

Jumin could now hardly wait for the appointment he considered pointless just hours ago.

V may or may not have received multiple texts of concerns throughout the night. The internet truly did not help the situation.

‘I read online that Persians with blue eyes can have something called Congenital ankyloblepharon. While the website says it’s not deadly, another said it’s linked to a fatal disease.’

‘Because of Elizabeth’s small nasal passage, a website is now telling me Elizabeth will more than likely develop a heart condition. Elizabeth 3rd does not deserve this.’

V had begged him to just wait until tomorrow and Jumin reluctantly agreed.

When the appointment finally arrived, Jumin had made sure Elizabeth would only travel in the best his wealth could provide. However, diamond-encrusted cat carriers apparently took a great deal of time to create, so a polyester and mesh carrier would have to do – lined with sherpa, of course, and filled with her favorite toys.

While Jumin had been anxious and fidgety the entire drive, Elizabeth 3rd was curious, excited even. When Elizabeth was pawing at the mesh lining to peek closer at the car window Jumin was tugging at his sleeves and holding his breath. Even Driver Kim took notice, though his support did little to ease his worries.

He only felt a little ease when he finally arrived at the clinic. The secretary had been stunned at the famous heir’s arrival, but quickly recognized his voice. Her surprise then shifted to amusement, a sly smile stretched across her face.

“Hello Mr. Han! How’re you doing today?”

Jumin furrowed his brow, glancing away. “I am… anticipating my meeting with MC.”

“Stressed for the little lady?” The secretary pointed with her pen to Elizabeth 3rd, now rolled over on her back and playing with one of her toys. This was easily one of her favorite days already.

“Very much so.” Jumin answered.

“We’ll be sure to get you in quick then.”

Jumin nodded hurriedly, and sat down. When his name was called he nearly tripped from how quickly he shot up. It was a… difficult day for maintaining composure.

He ran his fingers through his hair, took a deep breath, and then proceeded on through the hall where you waited in the consulting room.

He hadn’t quite known what he’d expected when he saw you, but he still found himself without words, if only for a second. Your face was kind, far more than the ones he’d known throughout his life with eyes that offered a sense of comfort to soften the stress so clearly brimming at the surface.

“Hi Mr. Han.” You set a ginger hand on Jumin’s shoulder, offering a warm smile. “I heard you’re feeling a little concerned for Elizabeth 3rd?”

“That is an understatement.”

You folded your lips in thought, drawing your hand away only to lightly clap, determined. “Well I’ve never met an animal I can’t help, and I don’t intend to stop now.”

A bit of the weight dropped from Jumin’s chest. You tapped against the examination table – a heavy counter in the center of the room with a smooth, thick surface.

The room itself was decorated with pictures of animals surrounded by varying degrees of puns. The one the most caught Jumin’s eye was a photo of a cat, tail tucked just over its paws and a sweet expression beneath the words, ‘you’re purrfect.’

He wondered if you chose that one personally. He hoped so.

Jumin unzipped the carrier atop the counter for Elizabeth 3rd to poke out. She only hesitated for a moment before stepping out to greet your hand, fingers outstretched for her to curiously sniff. You beamed at the very sight of her, leaning down as she dipped her head against your hand, eager to be pet.

“Hello, Ms. Elizabeth! Aren’t you beautiful?” You scratched her cheek and her purring began, akin to a lawnmower. “She’s so sweet!”

Jumin watched as you examined her, flashing a light in her eyes and ears, squeezing her tummy for any masses, and flexing her legs for achy joints. Her temperature was normal, not even a rapid heart rate.

“Now I don’t want to stress her out on her first visit but I recommend we do an ultrasound,” You had remarked, rubbing her belly in one of the rare opportunities that a cat not only tolerated such an action but enjoyed it. Elizabeth 3rd was a rare creature indeed. “It’s just to make sure she doesn’t have anything bad developing in her kidneys.” 

“Do you expect there to be anything?” 

Elizabeth pawed playfully at your fingers, pulling them close to rub her cheeks against them when you relented. You had to draw your gaze back to Jumin to keep yourself from becoming distracted. It was rare to see Elizabeth 3rd warming up to someone so quickly. “Do I?” 

You paused, and then laughed. “Of course you’re asking me, I’m sorry! I don’t know what got into me – she’s just such a cutie! But ah – no I don’t. Elizabeth 3rd is as close to perfect as it gets. You weren’t kidding when you said how well she’s taken care of.” 

“She means the world to me.” Jumin hummed, Elizabeth tipping her head to see him and meowing. She almost appeared to smile when he scratched just beneath her chin. 

“May I ask how you found her?” 

Jumin hesitated, remembering the golden hair and slender hands that once held Elizabeth. It brought a pang. 

“She was a gift from someone dear.” 

You could see Jumin’s sadness so easily. You could only make your best effort to soften the hurt. “They must’ve known you two would be perfect for each other.” 

Jumin lifted his head to look up at you, and you smiled. It was gentle, and at that moment, brighter than the very sun. You wore your heart on your sleeve, and it was beautiful. He grinned, if only gently. “Thank you.” 

“Just being honest.” 

The ultrasound was an experience. Jumin thought you had to be lying or attempting a cruel joke when you brought the clippers. There was simply no way you truly could want to ruin Elizabeth’s coat! 

You had promised only the ‘teeny-tiniest’ area would be shaved, but you also promised it’d be cute. Jumin couldn’t completely disagree. 

You had him hold her still during the ordeal, his hands folded over her front legs and keeping her close as you carefully ran the clippers over her stomach. Elizabeth simply rubbed her head against Jumin’s suit. 

“See! Look at that little pink tummy!” You pointed to the now thin white hairs where just between the faintest hints of skin could be spotted. You encouraged Jumin to run his hand over and it was… oddly soft if admittedly strange. 

“There’s no way you don’t think that’s adorable.” You exclaimed. 

“It’s not not adorable. 

That made you laugh. 

The procedure itself was quick and easy. The probe found no problems within Elizabeth’s kidneys and the only issue that arose was Elizabeth 3rd squeaking in surprise at the cold gel spread over her stomach. 

“I’m sorry sweetie, I’ll get this chilly stuff off you quick, okay?” 

You made plenty of little comments like those to Elizabeth 3rd. While many others would hardly regard something as minuscule you took every effort to make Elizabeth 3rd comfortable. Jumin noticed each and every time. You were doting. 

Just as you said, you wiped her clean, only peppering her in pets all over her belly and sides as she could rollover. 

“She is the picture of health, Mr. Han. The only thing I’d recommend is we make these ultrasounds yearly to keep an eye on her – and so I can see her again.” 

Jumin chuckled. “I take it she’s swept you off your feet?” 

“Like she’s my prince charming.” You snickered. “I’m a sucker for pretty kitties.” 

“I’m glad someone else can appreciate Elizabeth 3rd for her perfection.” 

You nodded. “I also appreciate the owner that’s given her the chance to flourish so much.” 

There was a different type of pang in his chest and the tiniest bit of red flickered upon Jumin’s cheeks. Either you didn’t notice, or you didn’t say anything. 

But you smiled. 

“I ah – I might need to bring her in again sooner than her next yearly. I’ve been researching and read of other conditions in her breed that I’d like to look into.” 

You caught on quick. “Right, and we wouldn’t want to overwhelm Elizabeth 3rd with so much on her first visit! It might be best to stretch these concerns over multiple appointments just so we can do the best job possible for her.” 

“And you can teach me what to look out for and how to find them.” Jumin settled Elizabeth 3rd back in her carrier, pawing at you through the mesh, pink pads just barely peeking through. 

“Of course! And you are more than welcome to call! In fact…” 

You tore off a piece of paper from your notes, scribbling quickly before giving it to him. “Here is my personal phone number, for any questions you may have.” 

Jumin smirked and tucked it away in his pocket. “I expect I could find quite a few until our next appointment.” 

You clicked your pen, simpering. “I’ll be patiently waiting, Mr. Han.” 

“Jumin is fine.” He stretched out his hand, palm open. “In fact, allow me to properly introduce myself – we weren’t given the proper chance. I’m Jumin Han. It is a pleasure to meet you.” 

Warmth reached your cheeks, but you didn’t object, returning the gesture with a firm grip. “MC. The pleasure is all mine. I really do look forward to seeing you again, Jumin.” 

It was rare Jumin could say the same, but for once he did, he truly, truly did. 

“As do I.” 

[mudhorn-djarin19]

Maxwell Lord - NSFW Alphabet

Rating: Mature/Explicit Warnings: smut, piv sex, mention of unprotected sex, masturbation, bondage, voyeurism, praise kink, face sitting Written with a x f!reader perspective Masterlist Join my taglist via here! A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex) Max wasn’t the best at after care when you first got together but he’s gotten better the longer you two have been together. In the beginning he’d sort of just leave you be, not bothering to help clean up or really check to make sure all was good. But he quickly learned you were different from other people he has been with, he cared about you so he quickly changed his ways. Now he immediately checks you over and makes sure you are okay before cleaning you both up. 

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) On you, he loves your thighs. He loves having his head squeezed by them when going down on you. You can often find him placing a hand on one of them when in the car, sitting together in meetings or other places, giving them gentle squeezes or gently caressing them with his hand. On himself he loves his 

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically) He cums in thick long ropes. You can always get him to cum when in the moment. He loves to see it on you or filling you, showing both you and him how well you get him off, and in a way it feels like a claim of you to him. 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) Has definitely has a daddy kink. But he isn’t sure how you would feel about it so hasn’t brought it up. He discovered it with a previous partner when they called him daddy and something about it really turned him on. 

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?) He’s a successful businessman who has used flirtation and sex to get things he wants so he has definitely been around and gotten experience. He’s been with many people who like many different things so he’s fairly knowledgeable when it comes to the bedroom. 

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying.) He really likes doggy style. For some reason pounding into you from behind really gets him going. He enjoys grabbing onto your waist and throat while he does so. His second favorite is the traditional missionary. Being above you gives him a sense of control which he really enjoys. 

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc) He is never goofy in the moment. He is strictly serious. He feels sex is not the time to be goofy. He wants the moment to be serious and sensual as best as can be. 

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.) He is very well trimmed and shaved. He keeps up with it weekly for he doesn’t like a lot of hair down there. He has much darker hair down their since he dyes the blonde into his hair.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) Max is very intimate in the moment. Sputtering praises to you constantly, caressing you, an d pressing kisses all over your skin. 

J = Jack Off (Masturbation head canon) He often masturbates in his office hidden behind his desk. Half the time when he is on a “phone call” he’s not. He’s just in his office getting off. The mans a horn dog so he gets off when he can. 

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks) Max has a praise kink He loves to give praises and be praised.  He also loves face sitting. This comes from his love of your thighs most likely. One of his other kinks is voyeurism. 

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do) His big bed or his office. Either one. He loves to take you in his big king bed at home where it’s soft and there is lots of space to roll around but he always loves to bend you over his desk. 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going) You Just everything about you gets him turned on and going. The simplest little flirt or ease from you and he’s a goner. 

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs) He won’t do anything in the bedroom to cause you actual harm. He doesn’t want to hurt you physically. Pleasure pain. Not actual pain. He also doesn’t want anyone else to have you. You re his and only his. And he will make damn well sure they all know you are Maxwell Lord’s. 

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc) He absolutely loves when you go down on him. Especially if it’s in his office. The thought of being caught gets him turned on more. He loves to go down on you too. Tasting you sweet juices as he says.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.) Max uses a mix of both fast and rough as well as slow and sensual. Depends on his mood and the location. Often times it’s slow and sensual at home and fast and rough in the office. 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.) Quickies are usually what you do in the office so of course he isn’t opposed to them. He loves them. Whatever he has to do to get a quick fix of getting off, as long as you are game too. 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.) He’s always open to experiment and take risks. But he doesn’t want to do anything unless you fully agree to it as well. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…) Even though he’s a bit older he can last either one really long round or two-three quick rounds depending. His sex drive is high so he can last a while. 

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?) The only toys he owns are some handcuffs, blindfold and vibrator. Anything else he got through you if you mentioned you wanted to try it out. He mostly uses them on you but isn’t opposed to having you use them on him too. 

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease) Max is a major tease. Always whispering things to you in your ear, gentle caresses in passing, the slightest glance at him and he’s making eyes at you. He loves to tease and get you riled up. 

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make) He’s a talker in the bedroom. He doesn’t shut up. So he’s fairly loud with both his words of praise and moans. 

W = Wild Card (Get a random head canon for the character of your choice) Max may be cocky often and seem to have a big ego but deep down he’s a big ole softie once you get to know him. He’s extremely caring and wants to give you the world. 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants) Max is average in size. Around 6.5 inches. A good size but nothing extreme. 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?) Holy shit Max’s sex drive is insanely high. He’s a horn dog like stated. He is always willing to go if you are in the mood too. 

Z =  ZZZ (… How quickly they fall asleep afterward) He may be up there in age a bit but he doesn’t fall asleep too quickly after. Maybe like 20-30 minutes after once he does his aftercare routine, holds you for a bit and praises you on how well you did and felt.

Taglist: @sarahjkl82-blog​ @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange​ @blackberries45​

[phoenixhalliwell]

Well Helloooo Nurse

Pairings: Will Miller  X Gender Neutral Reader ( Nurse Lark but goes by the name of Birdie) 

Word count: 1887

Author's Note: Good Evening all, welcome to the Will Miller show. Please be gentle as it’s my first time writing for him. I also have no idea how the inside of an ER works, i’m just winging this whole thing lmao  I hope whoever stumbles on this enjoys it :) 

Hope you don’t mind the tags: @lilacyennefer​ @cinewhore​ @dignityneeded

Thanks to his idiotic brother, Will ends up in the ER. Benny in an attempt to make amends, tries to be his wingman. 

Throwing yourself down into your chair, you let out a small cry at the relief at finally being off your feet. To say it's been a long week is an understatement. Your back is in agony, your stomach won't stop growling  and there's a throbbing pain behind your eyes . The ER has finally quietened down after a disastrous morning and you're counting down the minutes until it's home time.  

'Is it just me or is time moving slower?'

You glance at the clock. Another 20 minutes  and you are free for the next two days to do absolutely nothing. Closing your eyes you smile at the thought of the large glass of wine, warm bath and take out that awaits you when you get home. Your happiness is short lived though when you hear your name being called out.

'Urghhh, just leave me alone'

"Birdie, my good friend. How are you? You are looking fiiinnneee today, is that a new pair of scrubs."

Opening your eyes, you glare at your friend Letti who is currently batting her eyes at you. You scoff. You  know for a fact you look like shit. Your hair looks like a bird's nest ( no pun intended) and you're pretty sure that your scrubs have seen better days.

"What do you want?" you narrow your eyes at her.

"You know how you're my absolute best friend and you love me so much? Could you find it in that golden heart of yours to stay on just a little longer and cover the end of my shift. It's only a couple extra hours. I wouldn't normally ask but Scott has managed to ship the kids off to his mum's tonight and it's been so long since we've had adult time, if you catch my drift. Please. Help me out here Birdie I am dying" She begs.

'Pfft least you're getting the option for adult time' you think to yourself.  You watch as she clasps her hands to her chest and starts to give you the sad puppy dog eyes .You can feel your resolve start to crumble. Groaning, you throw your head back in defeat.

"Fine, but you owe me one and you better believe I will collect" you sigh. Letti fist pumps the air before grabbing your face and giving you a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I fucking love you Birdie. I will name my next child in your honour"  she promises.

"Yeah like I haven't heard that before" you snort, wiping your cheek. Letti suddenly thrusts a clipboard into your hand before rushing  you through your next patient, eager to get home to her husband. You're not really listening to her, nodding along  every so often as you try to decipher the chicken scratches on the paper in front of you.  

' Did a child fill in this form?'  

You hear snippets of what she is saying: "Hotter than sin..... If I wasn't married...  wouldn't be able to walk straight"

You are finally able to pick out the important information:  

Exam Room 3 - William Miller, 40, laceration to left arm.

'Ok I can work with that'

Calling out your goodbyes to Letti  and telling her to have a good time, you make your way to exam room 3 to get started. Drawing back the curtain, you step into the room and  call out

'Mr Miller?'

"Yes?" two voices answer at the same time.  

" They are talking about me Dumbass, I'm the one that's currently bleeding no thanks to you. Please excuse my brother, he was dropped on his head a lot as a child"  your patient apologises to you. You let out a snort at the quip.  It's not until you get a proper look at his face that  your laughter is quickly cut off.

'Oh' is all you can think before your mind goes blank. Sitting in front of you is a man you can only describe as an Adonis.  Even though his face is twisted slightly in pain, you would gladly stare at him  for the rest of eternity. Beautiful  blue eyes, soft blond hair, a well groomed beard. Your mind  takes you to some bad places when you think about that beard.

'Hotter than sin indeed...."  

A choked out laugh causes you to tear gaze away from William and over to the other man in the room who waves at you looking far too amused.

'Oh god, he knows I was checking out his brother' You cringe internally.

"Hi I'm Benny in case you were interested" the other man jokes. He is also a fairly attractive man  -you can see some similarities between the two. However, Benny has nothing on his brother. You shyly nod your head in greeting before making your way to Will's bedside.

"Ok Mr Miller, I am Nurse Lark. From what I could make out from your form, it says that you have a laceration on your left arm. Is this correct?"  you ask the older Miller.

"Yes that's right. Sorry about the scrawl, Benny didn't make it past the 3rd grade."  Will  teases.

"Fuck you dickhead" Benny hisses back.

"Boys, settle down, this is an ER  not a playground " you interject. Both men mumble their apologise and you try not to laugh. Gently picking up Will's arm, you turn his arm left to right to get an idea of  the extent of his injury. He's lucky in the fact it's not too deep. Unfortunately it cuts directly through the tattoo on his lower arm. Potentially a future scar but that was out with your control. Raising your head, you notice how close you are to each other's faces. Will stares back at you and you lose yourself for a minute.

"For fuck sake, get a room" You hear Benny mutter behind you. You cough and busy yourself getting the equipment you need to start patching Will up.

"I'm sorry but this might hurt a little"  you warn him in advance.

" Don't worry about me, I'm tough as nails " He smiles reassuring you.

You nod before getting started. So focused on your work, you didn't notice Will admiring you from where he sat. He liked the way  your eyes never wavered from your task despite Benny blabbering on in the background. How your nimble fingers made quick work of his wound. He thought the way you stuck your tongue out slightly in concentration was the cutest thing.

Benny was quick to notice his brother's heart eyes and started snickering.

" You know what Will? Maybe if you're a good boy the nice nurse will kiss it better once they are done"

You glance up in time to see Will's face turn scarlet. 

'Just when I thought he couldn't get any cuter'

"That's it, Benny get out now!" Will  growled.

Benny sighs dramatically and sulks out the room but not without muttering "just trying to help you get laid dickhead". You glance back at Will who is now staring up at the ceiling, looking as though he wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

"It's days like these I really wish my parents had got me a puppy instead of a little brother"

"Well from what I've seen of him so far, the man is basically a gold retriever in human form" you joke back. The laugh he lets out catches you off guard.

'I  could get used to that sound.'

You had to stop yourself from sighing and scolded yourself for acting like a love sick fool instead of the professional you are.

The conversation came easy for you both after that.  You started by telling him your name before the both of you shared little tidbits about each other. Will seemed like an interesting man from what information he gave. He was funny and incredibly smart.

'He's perfect'  is all you could think. However, it didn't take long after Benny got asked to leave to finish patching the rest of Will's arm up.  

"Well Mr Miller, I guess that's you done. Please make sure to keep the area as clean as possible and have someone help you change your bandages"

You feel sad at the idea of him leaving. It is evident that he feels the same by the way he stalls collecting his things. He looks like he's debating with himself before he finally turns to you looking determined.

" Would you maybe like to go to dinner with me sometime? I know we haven't met under the best circumstances but I had a really great time talking with you. I'd end up hating myself if I didn't at least ask"

Your heart races at the question and you don't hesitate to tell him yes. His face lights up and you find yourself falling a little more for Will Miller. Grabbing a pen from your top pocket, you hastily write down your phone number and hand it to Will. You both wish each other goodnight before parting ways. You find yourself grinning and bite your lip to try and contain your glee.

" Guess  I will be naming my first child Letti"

 Outside the hospital

Benny leans against the wall (pouting like a child) and waits for his brother . He still can't believe he got thrown out of the room. It feels like forever and a day before Will finally makes his appearance with a smug grin on his face.

'He looks like the cat that got the cream'

' What's with the grin man? Did they give you the good shit for the pain or something?"

Will shakes his head before showing Benny the piece of paper in his hand. A set of digits.

"William, you sly dog" Benny laughs in delight before he slaps Will's arm. He's quick to realise his mistake when his brother grunts in pain clutching his bad arm. Benny panics and makes to touch him but is stopped in his tracks.

"Don't . Fucking . Touch me.  Just get in the fucking car. " Will hisses. He marches off to the car park, swearing under his breath.

'Well that victory was short lived' Benny thinks, following his brother.

Bonus Scene - Date night

'Is it just me or is time moving slower?'

You glance at the clock for what feels like the millionth time. Another 10 minutes before Will is suppose to arrive. It's been so long since you were last on a date and you can't remember being this nervous. You look down at your outfit and run a hand over it to make sure there wasn't any creases. Will had text earlier to let you know to dress casual for your evening out but wouldn't give you any more information. The sound of the doorbell interrupts your thoughts and you let out a nervous giggle.  Trying not to seem too eager, you give yourself a beat before  opening the door. You feel yourself go weak in the knees. Will is dressed to impress - A black leather jacket over a soft grey t-shirt with a nice pair of black jeans that does wonders for him. He lets out a soft laugh at the way you are blatantly eyeing him up before doing the same to you. He lets out a low whistle.

"Well hellooo nurse"

[artificialqueens]

Sweet as Sugar (Branjie) - Athena2

Summary: Vanessa is a cafe owner who finds herself instantly crushing on the new bakery owner across the street.

A/N: Bakery au is finally here! Every time I was about to get this finished and ready for posting, I got distracted by another fic I wanted to write. It’s finally here, and I hope you enjoy! Thank you to Writ for betaing and encouraging me to finally finish!

Read on AO3.

It’s raining the day the new bakery owner arrives across the street, and Vanessa watches it all through the rain-splattered glass of her cafe windows. It’s cozy and warm in here, the customers chatting while they munch on their sandwiches, and Vanessa’s glad to be safe behind the counter instead of out in that mess.

She can’t ignore the little twinge in her chest as she watches the owner–a tall blonde woman–emerge into the pouring rain and sort through stuff in her trunk. She must be freezing, Vanessa thinks, watching the woman finish with her car and move to fiddling with the bakery door’s lock and a box she’s carrying, before finally setting the box down and using both hands to play with the lock. A minute later, the keys slip out of her hand and into a puddle, and Vanessa bites her lip.

“Someone needs to help that woman,” she says to A’keria, who’s busy stocking the case of to-go sandwiches. “She can’t even get her damn door open.”

A’keria blinks and looks down at herself. “You better not mean me,” she says. “You know how much I hate rain. Have Kameron do it. She has muscles.”

“I’m pretty sure her and Asia are up to something since they mysteriously went on break together.” Vanessa sighs, just hoping those two are back before the lunch rush. “I’ll just do it myself.” She grabs her raincoat and stomps to the door. Vanessa’s a helper, and she’s volunteered at too many church functions with her mom to just leave this woman struggling, even if she has to get rained on.

Vanessa’s boots squelch as she reaches the sidewalk. “Hey there,” she says to the woman, who jumps about a foot in the air.

“Sorry, just–you scared me,” the woman says, grabbing at her heart. Her sweater is soaked through with rain and she’s shivering, blonde hair damp and messy, but she’s still beautiful, with soft green eyes and wide lips that look like they might quirk up mischievously sometimes. Vanessa spends a few seconds just taking her in, heart racing.

“You look like you could use some help,” Vanessa says, remembering why she came here.

“Me? I’m fine.” The woman waves her off.

Vanessa puts her hands on her hips. “I could see you struggling from across the dang street.”

“I guess I was.” The blonde sighs. “I just can’t get this key to work,” she says, holding up a key ring soaked with dirty puddle water.

“Let me try,” Vanessa offers. The blonde’s hands are baker’s hands, their slight roughness smoothed over with lotion, a still-healing burn mark near her wrist likely from pulling a hot pan out of the oven, an injury Vanessa knows too well. They’re also shaking from the cold as she passes Vanessa the key, and Vanessa’s heart softens in sympathy. No wonder she couldn’t get her door open.

Vanessa plunges the key in the lock and twists and turns until it clicks, pulling the door open with a whoop of joy.

“I loosened it for you,” the woman says.

Vanessa shakes her head. “That’s for jars, not doors!” She laughs, scooping up the woman’s box and ushering her inside.

Vanessa’s eyes widen when she sees the inside of the place. This little building has been home to dog grooming businesses and then to pizza businesses that did nothing to mask the wet dog smell and then to shoe stores that not only did nothing to mask the wet dog and tomato smell, but also added feet to the mix. Vanessa watched moving trucks drive up and pull away through her cafe windows, wondering if the next person would stick around.

It seems this woman wants to, and she’s completely transformed the place. Gone are the muddled dog/tomato/feet smells, as are the cracks in the wall Vanessa remembers from when she went shoe shopping. Instead, everything���s been painted a soothing lavender, with black silhouettes of baked goods–cupcakes and cookies and donuts–framing the top part of the wall. There’s a big counter with a glass case waiting to be filled, and tables and chairs stacked along the walls.

“It’s beautiful in here,” Vanessa says.

The blonde blushes. “Thanks. And thank you for your help, um…”

“Vanessa,” Vanessa says quickly. “I’m Vanessa.”

“Brooke.” She takes the box from Vanessa and sets it on the counter, eyes roaming around the room and a grin breaking out on her face. Vanessa recognizes the feeling–it’s the same one she had three years ago, when she couldn’t believe her cafe was really hers.

“When do you open?” Vanessa asks.

“Two weeks, if everything goes to plan. Just need to get the rest of the equipment in and finish everything up.”

Vanessa nods, hovering by the door awkwardly. There’s no reason for her to stay, but she can’t quite make herself leave. She wants to keep talking to Brooke, find out more about her. She watches Brooke blow on her hands to thaw them and an idea pops into her head.

“Hey, why don’t you come to my cafe and have coffee or something and warm up?” Vanessa offers.

Brooke smiles. “Lead the way.”

—

Vanessa sits with Brooke at the corner table right below the heat vent, watching her sip coffee and eat Vanessa’s famous grilled cheese and tomato sandwich.

“This is really good, Vanessa,” Brooke says, and Vanessa beams. She can’t help it. Even after three years of having her little cafe, watching people enjoy her food still warms her heart like the first time she made her mom pancakes and watched her devour them all. Everything Vanessa knows about cooking comes from dragging a chair over to the counter and watching her mom make dinner, and now she gets to be the one cooking.

“Thanks,” Vanessa says. “So, how’d you get into baking?”

Brooke finishes the last bite of her sandwich. “I always liked it. My grandma and I would make something whenever she babysat for me.” She pauses, sips her coffee. “I never went to culinary school or anything, but I’d make stuff for my friends a lot. Somehow they convinced me to start a little home business, and it kind of exploded. I started saving to have my own bakery, and now I do.” She gives a shy little smile that makes Vanessa melt.

“What about you?” Brooke asks.

Vanessa grins. “I basically ran a sandwich shop out of my dorm in college. The dining hall food was disgusting, so my mom got me a little panini press, and I started making grilled cheese and stuff for me and my roommates. Word got around and suddenly I was cooking for the whole building!”

Those had been some of her best days in college—people lined up and down the hall waiting for their sandwiches, bopping to the beat of the radio she had blasting and talking to her as she worked, even bringing their own ingredients for custom orders. And the best part of all: watching them bite into their sandwiches, closing their eyes and groaning about how good it was, like they were in a fancy restaurant and not a cinder block college dorm.

Brooke laughs, and Vanessa would do anything to hear that sound again.

“Somewhere in all that, I realized I loved cooking. It was exciting and relaxing at the same time, you know? So I did a bunch of restaurant jobs until I could finally open this place.”

Brooke nods. “It’s really nice here. Did you do all the decorating yourself?”

Vanessa glances around at the wall of framed posters bearing her favorite movies and singers, the fairy lights lining the walls, the fuzzy pom-pom banner draped in front of the counter, and nods proudly. “And the menu too. All the sandwiches are stuff I came up with myself.”

Brooke whistles. “That’s a lot of sandwiches.”

“Tell me about it. Took me months to come up with them all.” Vanessa must have tested hundreds of sandwiches in those months, adding and taking away and re-adding ingredients so many times her friends and family would run the other way when they saw her coming with samples. But after hours remixing and experimenting, her kitchen transformed into a science lab, Vanessa finally had her menu.

“I like it though,” Vanessa continues. “Trying new things and testing them out. Doing my own thing, you know? You can’t really do that with baking. Tried to do my own thing making a cake once and the thing exploded. I was cleaning my oven for days.”

Brooke laughs. “I get it. I think I like baking because of the rules. There’s certain things you have to follow, yeah, but such good stuff comes from it. And it’s–it’s kinda amazing how some of the techniques haven’t changed in hundreds of years.”

“You’re right,” Vanessa says. “I never thought of it like that. Making stuff’s always been special to me. It’s like making someone food is—“

“It’s like saying I love you.” Brooke blushes at what she’s just said and Vanessa does too.

“Yeah.”

There’s a beat so silent Vanessa hears A’keria muttering to herself about Vanessa’s extra-long break while she wrestles with a pile of spoons. Brooke looks at her empty plate and stands.

“I, uh, I should go. Got a lot of work to do.”

“Right.”

Brooke pulls out her wallet. “How much for–”

Vanessa waves her off. “On the house.” She smiles. “I wouldn’t say no to a chocolate cupcake once you open, though.”

Brooke grins. “You got it.”

She heads out, and Vanessa does more staring out the window than working for the rest of the day.

—

The next two weeks fly by. A’Keria takes over Vanessa’s spot in the window when a muscled moving crew hauls in Brooke’s equipment. Vanessa chases A’keria away for the rest, watching Brooke pace around inside her bakery, rearranging chairs and tables more times than Vanessa thought possible, sweeping with the ferocity of a hockey player, and talking to two girls Vanessa assumes are her assistants. Vanessa imagines Brooke’s delicate hands carefully piping frosting onto cupcakes or icing intricate designs on sugar cookies and has to smile.

Brooke’s been so busy that Vanessa hasn’t seen much of her, and she tells herself the little ache in her chest is just two weeks’ worth of heartburn. Brooke does stop in and asks Vanessa if she can put business cards and flyers on her community bulletin board, and Vanessa barely breathes as she and Brooke tack them up between advertisements for dance classes and library events, their shoulders brushing all the while.

It seems that all the flyers and advertising worked—the day Brooke opens, there’s a line of people stretched down the sidewalk, and Vanessa beams with pride for her. She knows how hard it can be to have a cafe, knows how amazing and necessary the customers are. She wants Brooke to succeed just as much as she has.

She watches all day as the line moves and people come out with bright white boxes and even brighter smiles.

Vanessa is closing up for the day when there’s a knock at the door. Lord help her if these are people ignoring the clear-as-day Closed sign to demand that she serves them.

But it’s not a pushy customer—it’s Brooke, with a tiny box in her hand and a huge smile on her face.

Vanessa grins too, her heart leaping in her chest.

“Big day for you, huh,” Vanessa says, guiding her into the cafe.

“Yeah.” Brooke sighs, rubbing at tired eyes. “I’m exhausted, but in the best way, you know?”

“I do.”

Brooke smiles again, and she offers the box to Vanessa.

“Is this—“

“I keep my promises.”

Vanessa opens the box to see a huge chocolate cupcake with swirled chocolate frosting dotted with tiny buttercream roses. There’s a little fondant tag on top, with something written in impeccably neat red icing. It’s a phone number, and Vanessa looks up at Brooke in wonder.

“If you want it, I mean,” Brooke clarifies, pointing to the number.

“Oh, I do.”

Brooke’s grin reaches her ears.

“Wanna go out for dinner this weekend?” Vanessa asks hopefully.

Brooke can’t nod fast enough. “I’ve got dessert covered.”

[cotccotc]

┈┈ 𝟗:𝟐𝟖 𝐩𝐦  ༄ؘ  “ 𝐛 𝐫 𝐢 𝐠 𝐡 𝐭 𝐞 𝐬 𝐭   𝐛 𝐥 𝐮 𝐞 ”

𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐢 𝐬𝐨𝐨𝐛𝐢𝐧

✩  summary: you help your boyfriend dye his hair after a cute ice cream date ♡

✩  genre/s: fluff, humor, established relationship, soobin x fem!reader

✩  warning/s: none :)

✩  one shot, 1.6k words

✩  a/n: soobin’s new hair inspired thisss :)) i absolutely love the color on him! thank you @childofthecosmos​ for giving me the idea!! <3

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

it’s a quiet night with just a few people out on the streets. you’re on an ice cream date with your boyfriend, soobin. your purple-haired boy is currently three quarters of the way done with his three scoops, while you’re struggling to finish two. his stomach capacity was always something you marveled at, as well as his ability to disguise his eating habits behind a thin stature. maybe it’s because he’s so tall. taller than you, at least.

actually, no. he’s just plain tall.

you’re having a great time. you haven’t seen each other much this past week due to his busy work schedule, but catching up like this is always a pleasure. you talk about his work, your schoolwork, your favorite ice cream flavors (including your contrasting view on mint chocolate ice cream), and anything new that’s developed over the week.

after a few seconds pass, you insist that you two take a selfie. you grab your phone as soobin shifts his chair closer to yours. you line up the camera at a good angle. soobin starts fixing his hair a bit, flicking the front pieces from side to side. except, the grooming lasts a bit too long.

“binnie, let me take the picture,” you whine playfully.

“my hair hasn’t been cooperating these days,” he replies. you chuckle, putting your phone down on the table.

“that’s not true. it looks perfectly fine. great, actually.”

“mm… are you sure about that? are you seeing okay?” he tilts your head upward with the side of his index finger on your jaw, resting his thumb on your chin. he moves your head around a bit, pretending to inspect your eyesight. you giggle at your cute boyfriend as he scrunches his nose. you swat his hand away.

“trust me, baby. your hair looks good,” you reassure him.

“the color is getting muddyyy.”

“you should dye it again, then. are you allowed?”

“yeah… that’s a good idea.” he surveys your surroundings, recalling the convenience store across the street from the ice cream shop. “would they have hair dye in there?”

“i think so,” you respond. you’re a bit shocked by soobin’s sudden impulse, but you’re up for a bit of an adventure.

“okay,” soobin says while looking intently into your eyes. “the last person to finish their ice cream has to pay for hair dye.” he smirks.

“no fair!” you object.

“3… 2… 1!”

obviously, soobin is the first to finish his ice cream. however, in doing so, he got a little carried away. chuckling, you take a napkin and dab away the ice cream on his nose as he licks his fingers. he leaves to quickly wash his hands in the bathroom of the ice cream shop as you throw away your cups and napkins.

when your boyfriend returns, you grab your bag and prepare to cross the street. soobin looks both ways until it’s safe to cross the road. he grabs your hand and you two quickly walk across. when you reach the other side, he puts his arm around your shoulders, and you his waist.

“do i really have to pay for the hair dye?” you ask as you walk toward the store.

“of course not. but you do have to help me dye it. i have no idea what i’m doing.”

“and you think i do? you’ve dyed your hair more times in the past year than i have in my entire life.”

“you’ll figure it out, i believe in you,” he says, mockingly, while bumping his hip into yours. you chuckle. you love his sense of humor. more importantly, you love how he responds to your jokes. he never fails to make you laugh, and you him.

you enter the store, greeting the cashier. you ask her if they have hair dye. when she confirms that they do, she points you into the direction of the beauty aisle.

“okay. what color were you thinking of?” you ask him, scanning the shelves.

“i don’t know. maybe something bright.”

“don’t tell me you’re thinking of matching yeonjunnie.”

he laughs. “why not? it suits him so well.”

“you can get it dyed however you want, but i’m not taking responsibility if you go to work in the morning with highlighter hair.” he continues to laugh, once again proving the dynamic between you two. “you’re right, it suits him. but… no. what about light blue? it’ll be easier to go from purple to blue than a bright color.”

“there you go again with the good ideas.” your boyfriend smiles at you, making your heart flutter.

you grab his hand, pulling him toward the blue section. “which one do you like?”

“hmm…” he skims the shelf with his finger. he pulls out a pretty periwinkle color. “this one?”

“ooh, yes. very pretty.”

“okay, cool. let’s go!”

“not so fast, baby. we need color remover and extra gloves.”

“color remover? like bleach?” he looks absolutely disgusted, earning a big laugh from you.

“kind of. we have to make your hair less purple first!”

“y/nieee, that’s so much work,” he whines.

“in that case, you’re lucky you have an amazing girlfriend who’s going to do most of the work for you.”

he sighs. “right again!”

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you’re back at the dorms now, getting ready to dye soobin’s hair. taehyun is currently helping you set up in the bathroom, reading the instructions on the boxes. “it says you have to leave the color remover on for 20 minutes before rinsing thoroughly. and be careful around the scalp. there are lots of warnings,” he says.

“okay. i’ll be careful. thanks for your help,” you say to him.

“no problem,” he replies with a soft smile. “let me know if you need me.” you wave at taehyun as he leaves to watch a movie with huening kai in the living room.

“are you ready?” you say to your boyfriend, who is sitting in a chair with a towel wrapped around his neck and shoulders. you wave your gloves around before putting them on.

“stop being goofy. you need to focus, or else you’re going to burn my scalp off.”

“oh shush! or else i’ll do it on purpose.” you both laugh.

“you wouldn’t dare!”

“watch me!” you wiggle your gloved fingers at him in a playfully menacing way before picking up the bowl of color remover and the dye brush.

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

in the twenty minutes it took for the color remover to set, you and soobin went into the living room and hung out with huening kai and taehyun. soobin didn’t like the movie they were watching, but you had never seen it before. huening kai let out the loudest laughs as soobin mocked the main characters during a sappy romance scene. despite how it would seem, however, you knew that soobin was a big sap at the end of the day. for instance, every time he would do something particularly funny, he’d smile down at you, happy to be the cause of your joy and laughter.

after the color remover is thoroughly rinsed away and his hair air dries for a bit, it’s time to dye the hair blue!

“here,” you say, putting gloves on your boyfriend’s big hands. he looks up at you endearingly from his seat, which almost never happens due to your usual height difference. you squeeze a small dollop of dye onto his hand. “massage this into your hair.”

he follows your instructions, roughly rubbing the top of his head with the dye. he scrunches his nose just like before. no wonder his fans call him a bunny.

he continues massaging the dye into his hair until all of it has been transferred. then, you squeeze some more dye into a bowl and use the dye brush to evenly distribute it throughout his locks.

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

“all done! do you want me to dry it?” you ask, drying his hair a bit with a towel after rinsing it out a final time.

“yes pleaseee. i’m tired. let’s cuddle after.” you nod at your sleepy boyfriend as you grab a blow dryer from the cabinet.

you don’t think soobin’s ever looked cuter than he does right now. he’s sitting in front of you, facing the mirror while you blow his hair dry. but that’s not all. not only does the new color look amazing on him, but he looks so happy to be pampered by you. your view in the mirror is very reminiscent of a cute puppy dog sticking his head out of the window of a car; his eyes are closed and his mouth hangs open in a loose smile. you can’t help but smile at your adorable blue-haired boy.

once his hair is fully dryed, you unplug the dryer and scrunch his hair up with your hands to give it a more natural look. you then rest your arms around his neck from behind, placing your chin on the top of his head. “do you like it?” you ask.

“i hate to break it to you, but i think you just gave me highlighter hair.”

“shut uppp,” you groan.

“i’m kidding. thank you, baby.” he stands up and folds the chair, leaning it against the nearest wall. “cuddle time?” soobin asks, placing his hands on your waist.

“we have to clean up, binnie.”

“taehyunnie!!” soobin calls out to the living room. “stop watching your trash movie for a minute and come clean up!”

it’s safe to say you feel a lot closer to your lazy boyfriend now. plus you helped him gain a bit of confidence back. and, in soobin’s eyes, that deserves a whole lot of cuddles and plenty more ice cream dates.

©️ cotccotc 2020 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[prorevenge]

Dung Log to the rescue: a tale of two neighbors

I live in an apartment complex in a fairly busy city. We pay a solid chunk of money to live in an apartment that is dog friendly, close enough to our university, and big enough to house a dog and my roommates two cats.

Now, I’m a fairly laissez-faire neighbor. I don’t bother you, you don’t bother me. We’re friendly enough that I know your name. I’ve never called my management on another tenant. I’d much prefer to talk to other tenants and make sure we talk it out. I’ve asked others not to smoke weed in front of my patio, to not play music loud enough under me that I hear it through my headphones as I try to work, and it’s all ended up fairly amicably. No issues. Until this woman in apartment, let’s call it 3V, while I was in apartment 1F.

My dog is small, 10-11 lbs. when I take her out, I always clean up after her, and we’ve never had any complaints.

3V comes knocking on the door, and is on the phone when I open. She was calling management to tell them my dog left poop outside the door. I’m a bit confused and I asked her what she was talking about to which she replied that as the only dog owner in this one building of the apartment complex (there are about 7 buildings all connected by the gated garden) my dog must have pooped outside the front door. I assured her that it wasn’t my dog, but I would be glad to pick up whosever dog poop that was. She hangs up on management. I go downstairs and there’s a massive dog poop piece. And I just stare at it, stare at my tiny yapper, and I’m like, whatever. Better to just calm her down and pick it up.

Things progress with no further confrontations until I come back in from taking my dog out in the morning to a sign that says “I SAW YOUR DOG POOP, I TOOK PICTURES AND IM SENDING THEM TO MANAGEMENT”. I’m so confused. It’s 8am, I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet, I’m wearing a bright yellow bathrobe whose belt I lost and I have to hold it together with one hand. But this woman is convinced she caught my dog in the act. So I go to her door, knock, and she shows me pictures of... some random dog poop in the grass of the shared garden. I promise her that’s not mine, offer to pick it up, and say that we can access the managements security cameras if that would be enough to prove my dog’s innocence. She tells me to pick it up and closes the door in my face. I get an email from management giving me a warning.

A few months go by without confrontation. Her children come and ask to borrow my laundry cards on occasion and I’m happy to let them. It’s not their fault their mom is a bit insane. I’m also very nervous because I’m a college student. I can’t afford to lose this housing that we got lucky to find. I go to visit my family, taking my dog, in Europe (where my family lives). A few days later, I get a call from management at 2am my time telling me that there is a report that my dog peed in the lobby of our building. Now I’m getting a bit pissed. I’m not in the country. My dog is not in the country. And this woman is trying to blame what must have been a drink spill or water (since it was winter) on my dog. I call back and tell them exactly that, and they reply in a tired tone that since I was the only dog owner in that building, there was no one else to blame. I explain I’m out of the country, that I can send them my tickets, that they have no idea it was urine and offer when I get back to keep track of all of my dog’s ins and outs. They drop it and tell me that if they get another complaint, they’ll have to move to more serious repercussions. I’m scared, pissed, and really pissed.

I start keeping a daily diary with time stamps and pictures of my dog’s comings and going’s, the Dung Log. I’m very, very careful. I pick up other dog’s poop when I see it. I really don’t want to get evicted for something that wasn’t my fault. My sister comes to stay with us for the first part of COVID, and we give the dog a summer groom. A tiny dog, she didn’t produce much fur, but my sister was unaware of the neighbor and chose to put the fur outside on the patio and expected the wind to whisk it away. Then the door starts banging, and I go to check and Lo and behold, it is 3V. She’s telling me that I have to clean up the dog fur, I apologize and tell her that it was an accident. She tells me that she has a cat who will get upset if she comes back up the stairs smelling of dog. I’m a bit dumbfounded that this is her logic, but apologize and sweep the fur away.

The last straw. The straw the broke the camels back. The tip of the mother fucking cherry on top.

Reminder that I keep a detailed report of my dog’s ins and outs. I was going on a birthday celebratory hike a few hours out with my girlfriend for her COVID birthday. We needed to drive there nice and early, the hike was 6 hours total, and the drive was 2, so we were ready and getting the car from a leasing agency. Not a few minutes in, I get a panicked call from my roommate. I hear yelling on the other side and my roommate gets across to me that 3V is screaming at them about a smear of dog poop in the lobby that was clearly my dog. At this same time, my roommate was alone at home, a small college aged person talking very calmly to a older woman screaming in their face with their child next to them, just staring at the floor. I’m speechless. I can’t leave my roommate, so my girlfriend and I cancel our plans ON HER BIRTHDAY, and go back to help. By the time we come back, 3V is gone, but the cops have just left, because 3V called the cops on my gender fluid, 5’4” POC roommate because 3V claimed my roommate was harassing her. I was enraged. I called management and they told me that they’re putting a warning on our account and expect us out after our lease ends.

Not today, management. I biked my ass over with my roommate to the leasing offices and sat down with them. Before I left, I got our other neighbor’s accounts that 3V was screaming at my roommate, I took a picture of the “smear of dog poop” which resembled a wheel squeak on the ground (as two people were moving in to our building), and came armed with my poop diary (that I affectionately nicknamed the Dung Log). I showed them my evidence, backed with neighbors statements and they seemed shocked. To be fair, I had never complained back against this woman who that morning had called my roommate delusional, a bitch, and said that she pays too much to walk on shit floors. Like we didn’t pay the same amount. After running through it all, management took all the warnings off our account, put a warning on hers and told her if she bothers us again they would evict her, and even comped us some things.

I haven’t heard from 3V again, but the Dung Log lives on in infamy. Log may it reign.

(source) story by (/u/XtinaChaos)

[emotional-scumfuck]

Grade school and Middle school

This is based off of Joe Brainard’s “I Remember,”.

I remember how excited i was to finally have a friend over.

I remember how she used my computer and tv.

I remember how she didn’t want to leave after one night.

I remember how fun it was to pretend she was my sister and i finally had a true friend.

I remember taking a green hoodie from my dad because i liked it so much.

I remember feeling bad afterwards.

I remember my aunt paying for that red telephone box picture at ikea.

I remember being so excited to finally have a Polaroid camera.

I remember walking down the halls of the middle school comparing it to a chilly hospital hallway.

I remember white walls and motivational posters but a gray cloud overhead everywhere you went.

I remember my first kiss and how i liked it?

I remember kissing my neighbor a lot in grade school who seemed my age but, he wasn’t i don’t think.

I remember he would take me behind the cars parked in my driveway, and kiss me, one simple mwah then a giggle and we would go back to playing.

I remember doing that a lot then he moved.

I remember seeing him again in high school, he was a druggie and totally different.

I remember thinking he probably doesn’t remember what we did, so why do i keep thinking about it?

I remember him taking a liking to me.

I remember considering him a friend.

I remember hating that I remembered those meaningless kisses.

I remember feeling sad.

I remember meeting my first guy friends and i would do anything for them.

I remember crying over teachers and their words.

I remember wishing i was already graduated, even though I didn’t even know what I wanted to do with my life.

I remember parting my hair on the side.

I remember feeling seen when I found out my middle school history teacher is gay.

I remember feeling like it was okay, to accept myself for liking any gender.

I remember feeling lost.

I remember feeling jealous of the girls who wore justice and pink, those mall brands we couldn’t afford, i was also too fat for them.

I remember feeling uncomfortable in my body.

I remember the gym teacher staring at me.

I remember my history teacher saying ‘I ship it’ when my male friend and I hugged.

I remember that friend never hugging me again, I don’t know what brought him to let me hug him that one time.

I remember being heartbroken over losing a best friend for the first time.

I remember my dad telling me my brother had Aspergers for the first time. I thought he was saying “Ass-burgers” and got flustered.

I remember walking down the cold halls of my middle school, and being told i was showing too much shoulder. By a man who looked like a coral colored lipstick.

I remember when I felt I needed to dull myself.

I remember my first kiss while ‘dating’ He stunk. A gym teacher stared at me while we kissed, I didn’t think anything of it at the time.

I remember the Boston marathon bombing, then being scared the bombers family would come to our house because they lived in Maryland too.

I remember being excited to use a juul for the first time.

I remember hating it.

I remember when my middle school boyfriend told me he wanted to have sex with me even though we had been ‘dating’ two weeks.

I remember not feeling happy a lot.

I remember my first doctor visit when she told me I needed to lose weight.

I remember the first time my mom saw the bloody tissues in the bathroom trash, and my mother cleaned my cuts.

I remember one of the cuts was a smiley face.

I remember threatening to call CPS if she didn’t leave me alone after confronting me about self-harming.

I remember a time when I didn’t tell my parents “I love you” so much they asked me if i was suicidal because of how much I said it.

I remember the last day of sophomore more year when I put on a outfit i had dreamed of wearing all year, and my mom said i looked like a clown.

I remember crying.

I remember anger.

I remember feeling caged in.

I remember feeling stuck.

I remember being in my brothers shadow.

I remember feeling forgotten and undetected.

I remember hearing other girls talk about their sexual experiences and wishing I could relate, I don’t anymore.

I remember feeling angry that I had parents that cared about me and if I was safe.

I remember being groomed by men twice my age online.

I remember my first nude. He asked me if I ever did anal because my ass was so ‘nice’. I didn’t even have a phone yet.

I remember the first time a boy actually showed interest in me.

I remember he said “lemme eat ya ass ;*”

I remember laughing so hard, then crying because I was scared thats as good as it would get.

I remember my fifth grade fun and fitness day when it rained and i thought they would cancel so i wore slides. It was not canceled.

I remember wishing I was dating Harry Styles and touring with one direction.

I remember wishing I wasn’t alive.

I remember when a horse stepped on my foot when I wore crocs to a horseback riding event.

I remember my mom and I were fighting the entire day of, then in the car ride home after horseback riding.

I remember when I broke my foot in fifth grade and had to wear a cast to my fifth grade graduation.

I remember the embarrassment of being wheeled down the aisle in a wheel chair then hobbling in crutches.

I remember the fear that I would fall while on crutches and crack my head open.

I remember feeling sad because my mom has only digital pictures of me, but all paper ones of my brother.

I remember wishing I had rich parents, because we lived in a small rancher.

I remember seeing other friends houses and being angry when coming home, because I wanted a big house too.

I remember when my mom told me we could have had a bigger house, but she wanted to be a stay at home mom, to take care of us.

I remember the time cops came to our door because my brother was being bullied so bad they needed to file a report.

I remember my brother taunting me, and getting so angry I tackled him and choked him.

I remember being in grade school when this happened.

I remember hating my brother.

I remember it not being my fault.

I remember him taunting me.

I remember him making me feel scared.

I remember him making me eat a booger.

I remember him acting like he was the victim, and my parents believing him.

I remember feeling helpless.

I remember wishing i was being groomed by a 30 year old man, preferably with an english degree.

I remember day-dreaming during 4-H meetings that I would cook for my captor, and do “wife” duties for him, while he was at work.

I remember wishing I was kidnapped and got Stockholm syndrome.

I remember my dog, daisy.

I remember watching her die, she seemed at peace.

I remember noticing she was acting weird when I was doing my homework, so I asked my mom to check on her, turns out she was dying.

I remember watching a video of a man raping a goat, it was a cartoon, with my brother, while my dad vacuumed not even 10 feet from us.

I remember my brother and I wrestling or something, and then he laied on top of me, chest on my back. He did what i thought was trying to get up and fell back down, but his pelvis hit my ass, before any other part of him fell.

I remember having a friend over, and my brother insisted on tackling me right then and there, embarrassing me and hurting me in front of my friend. He sat on me. He heard me ask him to stop multiple times. He never listened.

I remember asking my brother to stop multiple times, over many instances. He never listened.

I remember when my brother tried to hug me, but I didn’t want one. So I kneed him in the balls. He called me a bitch and told me to kill myself. He said he hated me.

I remember my parents were in their room watching a movie, the door was locked, when he started yelling at me. My dad came to see what was going on.

I remember I was in my room crying, fearing that my brother would hurt me. My dad told me it was okay. My mom told me I could seriously affect my brothers reproductive system if I had knee’d him hard enough.

I remember feeling like that whole situation was my fault after that, and I should have just let him hug me.

I remember feeling gaslighted by my brother.

I remember forgetting all the things i’ve said here, because I wanted to forget.

I remember my first encounter with eating disorders.

I remember the first time I tried bulimia.

I remember it hurt my chest and scared me.

I remember trying anorexia positive diets, They didn’t work.

I remember thinking i was fat, when I wasn’t.

I remember wanting to die instead of losing weight.

I remember wishing i could cut all the skin i didn’t want off, with no repercussions.

I remember wishing I was in therapy but being too scared to ask.

I remember wishing i was in therapy but being scared they would send me to a rehab because of what I would talk about.

I remember wishing i was in therapy, and i could say all of this without any repercussions.

I remember feeling sad.

I remember feeling tired.