#i have to fight not to put it on every male sim

[norrisainz33]

the call || platonic grid & gr63

☆ summary: y/n y/l/n gets a call up to race for alpine with 6 races left in the 2024 season and she’s got something to prove.

☆ pairing: platonic!grid x crush!george russell x rookie!female!reader

☆ fc & warnings: no fc. some hate comments and poor grammar on my end

☆ a/n: i was inspired by franco and liam getting called up to race for the remainder of the season and here we are. no hate to este bestie, just pretending dw. this is not supposed to be accurate to exactly how things have been playing out. smau mixed with writing!!

part 2

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

f1 has made a post

liked by ynuser, pierregasly, landonorris, georgerussell63, yourbff, ynupdates, and 867,234 others

f1: 🚨 breaking: y/n y/l/n will be racing under the number 95 for alpine for the remainder of the 2024 season alongside pierre gasly. y/n’s first race will be the united states grand prix. this is the first time since 1992 that a woman has raced in a grand prix format - this will be a historic weekend.

view all 1,234 comments

user1: this is the best thing to ever happen to me you don’t understand

pierregasly: ready to attack the rest of the season with you ynuser!!

ynuser: here’s to a strong finish 💪🏻

alpinef1team: we can’t wait to have our girl on track!

user12: they really think a woman is going to be any better than what they had??? please….

user1: oh you are miserable. get out of here

georgerussell63: epic! ynuser i am so proud of you

ynuser: 🤍 see you in austin

user2: i can’t believe im witnessing a woman f1 driver in my life time. i am crying real tears of joy

landonorris: from our karting days to f1. you are amazing ynuser! looking forward to being on track with you

ynuser: so glad to be racing with you again lando 🤍

user3: this is monumental

user6: we got a woman in f1 before gta6

✿

you sat in silence staring down at the paperwork in front of you. everyone had long since left returning to their duties, allowing you to process what you had just been told. “it’s really happening,” you whispered feeling tears welling in your eyes. you were about to become an f1 driver - a real life f1 driver!! and no, not just a reserve driver who did nothing but the sim all day every day. your shoulders sagged as you blew out a sigh. “it was all worth it,” you thought back to the years of blood, sweat and tears put into racing — from leaving the comfort of your childhood home to go karting in europe, to watching your parents give up everything to make sure your dreams came true, to finding yourself in f1 academy where you won the championship, to fighting for a chance to race in f2 and becoming the only woman to finish in the points - you had given everything to this sport and you were finally getting your chance.

you picked up your phone and dialed your best friend. “y/n? hi! did you have your meeting yet?!”

“i’m going to drive the rest of the season,” you said softly.

“WHAT?!” your best friend practically screamed into the other end of the phone.

“i’m taking the second alpine seat!!! im going to be starting in austin.” the tears of happiness started falling now.

“oh my god y/n/n!!!! YOU DID IT BABY YOU DID IT!” you could hear your best friend jumping up and down in excitement.

“i did it.”

✿

ynuser has posted to their story

view all story replies

user1: i can't explain to you how excited i am to see you on track this weekend y/n

pierregasly: jealous you got the media duties with the horses and not the american football team like i did.....

ynuser: HAHA idk why they didnt send us together

pierregasly: they knew our joint slay would be too much to handle

user7: as a young woman in a male dominated field... thank you for representing us. i love you and i am so proud of you

yourbff: my flight lands in exactly 1 hour and i am shaking with excitement

ynuser: if you think you're shaking with excitement you should see me... just got word im in the pre race press conference with george and max v......... pray for me girl

yourbff: okok we knew this was going to happen. of course they'll want to talk to you!! you're the new face on the grid

ynuser: is it bad to admit im afraid?

yourbff: admitting you’re afraid just means you’re human y/n. you're allowed to feel

ynuser: idk what i'd do with out you

yourbff: you'll never have to know! now go get ready!! i'll be there just in enough time to make the conference start.

yourbff: p.s your media day fit absolutely ate that dress and the cowgirl hat was lethal. f1 should be thanking you for being such a baddie

georgerussell63: howdy ms y/n

ynuser: howdy georgie --- see you at the press conference 🙂‍↔️

georgerussell63: looking forward to it

landonorris: NEIGHHHH

ynuser: lando?

landonorris: sorry was pretending to be one of those horses so you'd pay attention to me

ynuser: hahahahaha you muppet. ive missed you

landonorris: i missed you too y/n/n! believe it or not i miss fighting it out on track with you too. ready to smoke ya just like i did in our karting days

ynuser: i mean you are in a mclaren and have a lot of practice so id certainly hope you were faster than me

landonorris: well when you put it like that its not as fun.......

user9: bought an alpine hat and am bedazzling a shirt with your name on it as we speak

✿

the alpine pr team had wasted no time sitting you down as soon as you got to austin. they ran through what to expect from your media duties, how to respond to any and all questions that might be thrown your way and how to save face if needed but somehow as you sat down on the iconic white couch and looked out at the crowd of reporters forming in front of you, you felt all of that training start to fail you. the nerves were taking over as george and max took their spots to your right. you were thankful when the british driver gave you a reassuring smile and a slight nod letting you know it was ok.

"good afternoon and welcome to the 2024 united states grand prix!" the interviewer beamed at the camera before turning his attention to the three of you. "today we are joined by max verstappen, george russell and formula 1's newest driver, y/n y/l/n."

the interviewer started by asking max about the championship and how he was feeling about lando continuing to close the gap. you used that time to steady your breathing, knowing a question was headed your way at any moment. "y/n, first of all, i want to say congratulations!" the interviewer grinned and you smiled back. "you are coming into this season with only 6 races left and a rather tall order to get up to speed quickly for some points and fight for a seat on the grid in 2025. how are you feeling about it all?"

you sighed, relieved at an easy first question, "thank you! i'm trying to take it all in stride. it's definitely a tall order because these guys have had 19 races to get a feel for their cars, work with their teams, and solidify their standings… i'm going to have exactly one free practice to learn everything before heading into sprint qualifying and i think that puts me a little bit on the back foot. though, i am more confident than ever that i can pull out some points and finish this season strong for alpine."

the interviewer nodded along intently as you spoke, "do you think being the first female in formula 1 since 1992 also puts you a bit on the back foot?"

this. this was the type of question you were dreading. you knew what it was like to be questioned about your skills purely because you were a woman, it had been happening throughout your entire life but that didn't mean it still didn't get to you. you picked your mic back up but before you could say anything into it, george was already speaking, "i don't think thats a fair question to ask. her being a woman has nothing to do with her racing, let us not forget that she is here for a reason. y/n has an incredibly impressive resume and i'd be happy to recite it for you if you need the reminder."

*george fcking russell. the man that you are* you thought as a smirk formed on your face. "thank you george," you said managing to keep your voice steady as you continued, "i don't think being a woman puts me on the back foot at all. it's 2024 - i think we're past the point of asking questions like this. I may be the first woman in way too long to race in a grand prix but i certainly will not be the last." you put the microphone down, daring the interviewer to say something in return but instead he turned his attention back to max and kept it there for the remainder of the session which you weren't mad about at all.

✿

ynuser has made a post

liked by pierregasly, alpinef1team, georgerussell63, francolapinto, carlossainz55, charlesleclerc and 743,937 others

ynuser: p9 baby!!!!!! i scored two points!!!! cota - thank you for the love and for an incredible first weekend in formula 1. i will never forget you 🤍

view all 1,987 comments

user9: best weekend of my life!!!! first gp i’ve ever been to and i got to meet you at the fan zone!! i couldn’t have asked for more

alpinef1team: try not to say goat challenge failed

ynuser: 🤍🩷

user10: i sobbed watching you cross the line

pierregasly: points points points points

ynuser: you next bestie!!

pierregasly: we’re going to both score big this triple header i just know it

user13: i love how these two have become instant friends. i hope alpine doesn’t split my family up in abu dhabi

user44: history - we’re watching you make history

francisca.cgomes: i don’t think you understand how attached i am to you now y/n

ynuser: and i don’t think you understand how much i love you kika. legally you have to come to all the rest of the races please and thank you

francisca.cgomes: for you? done!

pierregasly: um? hello?

ynuser: im sorry p.. look away

yourbff: i have no words. i love you more than life itself

ynuser: i love you - thank you for being there

landonorris: statement MADE

ynuser: 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

georgerussell63: i’m so proud of you im about to openly weep

ynuser: we can openly weep together

carlossainz55: congrats y/n!

ynuser: thank you carlos 🤍

francolapinto: viva y/n!

ynuser: viva franco!

lewishamilton: 🤍🤍

ynuser: 🩷🩷

user15: noticing so many of the drivers here supporting her is everything

user4: and the fact that so many of them are praising her efforts and talking so highly of her in interviews 🥹

user15: everyone loves her (except for the rbr duo, did you see her and checo having words after that race?)

user4: omg yeah grandpa was pissed but honestly he’s probably just worried she’s going to take his seat

ynuser has posted to their story

view all story replies

user9: pretty, talented, smart … you’re the whole package

landonorris: hell yeah it does. the car will be here in about an hour! meet us in the lobby?

ynuser: yes!! assuming we shouldn’t come down too early since we run the risk of people being down there?

landonorris: yeah, no more than 5 mins before

user10: hottest person on the grid no doubt

georgerussell63: blimey i’m excited

ynuser: me too! i need a drink after this weekend

georgerussell63: you better get used to it y/n! this is your life now

ynuser: and i’m glad it is 🤍

user14: i think i have a crush on you

oscarpiastri: hi

ynuser: hi oscar!! did lando send you the details for tonight?

oscarpiastri: yes he did!

pierregasly: me and kika are ready to GO

ynuser: me and y/bff are too! let’s get this party started

user11: keep this momentum going into mexico y/n!!

user4: we needed a chronically online it girl in this sport so bad im so glad you’re here

✿

george poured you another glass of champagne as you giggled, "i should really be sick of champagne by now but i don't know that i ever will be."

"well thats good y/n/n! you're going to be drinking a lot more of it soon enough," george said loud enough that you could hear him over the music. the club was packed with more people than you would've expected for sunday evening especially a sunday evening in texas but here you were in a packed club chugging champagne with old and new friends. oscar, lily, carlos, rebecca, lando, george, pierre, kika, franco, charles and alex all came out with you and y/bff and you were honestly a bit shocked by the turn out. though you should've known that lando and george were not going to let you celebrate by yourself.

you had grown up with the two of them on the karting track and you even managed to be in f2 in the same year george won the championship. they meant a lot to you -- you looked up to them since the start so to have their unwavering support now that you made it to f1 meant more than you could express. none of this was going to be easy but being surrounded by a strong support system would make it a lot less painful.

you smiled up at george as he downed the last bit of his cocktail, intently watching as the last little bit dripped from the side of his mouth. you took a big gulp reminding yourself of the room of people around you. that was another thing that was around since your karting days... your massive crush on george. while you both had seen other people between now and then, there was no doubt that it was still alive and well. but as far as that was concerned, it was a bit of a one sided crush. it's not that george had ever told you outright that he wasn't interested, you just never had the guts to tell him and he only ever made one move and has been ignoring that it happened since. the closest you two ever got to something more than friends was the night after he won the f2 championship. you two were inseparable during that season so when he asked you to come with him back to his hotel room after his massive party, you didn't think twice about it. you two flopped down onto the bed with your takeaway meal fresh in front of you and the tv turned on to some animated movie you couldn't remember the name of. george was sitting close enough that you could feel the heat radiating off of his body from where he gently was resting against yours. "y/n/n," he whispered causing you to look up at him, "i love you." you smiled, having heard him say this many times.. he was your best friend after all. "I love you too!" you responded and before you could process what happened, his lips were on yours. and unfortunately for you, thats about where that ended. george realized what he was doing and absolutely panicked, begged you to forgive him and to not talk about it again so thats what you did. but on nights like this one, where he was looking fine as ever... it was hard not to long for him.

"helllooooooo earth to y/n!!!" lando almost shouted pulling you out of your thoughts.

"yes, yes! hi!" you rolled your eyes taking the drink out of his hand.

the rest of the night passed in a blur of celebrations, laughs and champagne. things were looking up and you couldn't be more excited for what the future held for you. you had done it. your dream had come true.

✿

alpinef1team has made a post

liked by pierregasly, ynuser, judebellingham, taylorzahkarperez, landonorris, georgerussell63, yourbff, yoursibling, and 546,123 others

alpinef1team: 1 down. 2 to go. mexico city, here we come!

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

a/n: omg if you made it this far... thank you for reading!!! likes and reblogs are massively appreciated. i'm thinking of making this a series with y/n racing in the last few races of the season. if you liked this, let me know so i can judge if this will get a part 2!! much love 🫶🏻

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

disclaimer: pictures are not mine and everything i write is fiction

© norrisainz33 || please do not rewrite, translate, or copy any of my works posted here on to any other platform

[wnobin]

BIT BY BIT… 💭 anton lee socmed! au

pairing: college student! anton x campus crush! reader

genre: college! au, social media! au with written portions, slow burn, pining, strangers to friends to lovers.

series synopsis: in which the quiet girl in anton’s language class who seems to never sit with anyone catches his attention. anton makes it his mission to get closer to her bit by bit and break down her walls. the only issue? she’s the last to arrive and first to leave, never allowing anton the chance to approach her.

series masterlist | 06: gapildeu

it was currently 8:40am and anton was sitting on the couch in wonbin’s and seunghan’s dorm, tapping his feet impatiently while waiting for the latter to finish getting ready. seunghan was currently whining to the younger male about how he couldn’t find the other side of his sock and how “everyone would notice that his socks were mismatched”.

“for the last time seunghan, nobody is going to be staring at your feet during your presentation. can you hurry up?”

“but what if they do!”

“they won’t.”

seunghan was just about to start whining again when the door to wonbin’s room opened, revealing a half-asleep wonbin with messy bed hair. with closed eyes, he threw a pair of black socks towards seunghan, hitting him in the head directly. “get out. now.”

“thanks, wonbin! see you later!” seunghan hurriedly put on his socks and shoes before getting dragged out by anton who was as usual, anxious about being late to class. they would be having their individual presentations for japanese 101 today and anton had finally landed on a topic to present on. he would’ve presented on his musical abilities but he lacked the vocabulary for that so he settled for something easier, like his past in swimming. meanwhile, seunghan had decided to present on crayon shin-chan. anton was sure that someone would end up laughing during his presentation but seunghan couldn’t be talked out of it. “nothing’s funny about how iconic crayon shin-chan is.”

the both of them were on their way to the classroom when they spotted you in front of them. this was an unusual sight as you had always been the last to arrive to class, showing up when lesson had already started most of the time. seunghan excitedly poked anton’s side, giggling as his embarrassed friend tried to get him to shut up. “go talk to her!”

“no? and shut up, she’s gonna hear you.”

“what, are you shy? i’ll help you.”

seunghan opened his mouth and was about to call out to you but was promptly stopped by anton’s hand covering his mouth. whilst the two of them were busy fighting, you had already entered the classroom and was long gone. once the coast was clear, anton removed his hand.

“seriously, it’s been three weeks of eyeing her and you’re still not going to do anything?”

“obviously not. i’ve never even talked to her before. i just think she’s pretty… and maybe, kind of my type.”

anton was a lost cause. he was too shy for his own good and refused any help or advice his friend was offering. seunghan simply sighed and shook his head, taking his seat in the chair next to anton’s, deciding to head back to his original seating since you didn’t have plans of moving from your front row seat. seunghan proceeded to talk anton’s ear off about how the guy he sat with last lesson, chenle or whatever his name was, kept farting. anton just absentmindedly nodded at his friend’s over exaggerated complaints, busy looking in your direction. would it be weird if he approached you? the both of you had nothing in common after all, as you were both from different majors. what if you already had a boyfriend?

twice a week for three weeks, anton had been staring at you for every class and he picked up all your small habits. you preferred to write down your notes traditionally in your pink notebook instead of typing it on your laptop or writing on an ipad like other students. you never raised your hand to answer questions but you would turn around and whisper answers to sim jayoon, who sat behind you, when prof won asked her a question.

anton was quickly brought back to reality when professor won started to pick out students to present. he went in random order and thankfully, yang jungwon was chosen first and his presentation ended up being on his favourite food, curry. anton felt less worried about his topic after seeing how most of his classmates had similar presentations, being on their favourite show or hobbies.

“hm, let’s see… can y/n come up next?”

you lifted your head at the sound of your name, prof won looking at you with expectant eyes. you got up from your seat, moving to connect your laptop to the projector with shaking hands, nervous as you weren’t used to presentations, especially one in a language you barely knew.

anton watched the way you gulped nervously, your eyes darting from your laptop to the projector screen. eventually your laptop connected and displayed your cover slide which was a 0.5x picture of a cat? an orange cat wearing a bunny hat.

“good morning professor won and fellow classmates. i’ll be talking about my cat that lives with me in the dorms, gapil!”

you had racked your brain for ideas on what to present on for days, whining to eunchae and gapil when you got an idea— the greatest idea ever. what would be better to talk about than your dear cat? you didn’t have to think, you could already talk about your darling gapil for hours. your slides had more pictures of the black cat in silly positions than words but nobody seemed to mind, even prof won had a big smile on his face, laughing to himself and pointing to the screen when a picture of gapil dressed as santa popped up on the screen.

“her name is gapil which is short for garfield in korean. doesn’t she look like garfield?” you had a wide grin on your face, excited to be showing off your cat to everyone. this was the first time anyone in the class had ever seen you with an expression that wasn’t boredom and anton couldn’t help but crack a smile at the sight. you had already passed your three minute time limit but nobody cared, listening attentively to you talking about how you took in gapil on a particularly rainy night when she seemed frail and weak.

“that’s it for my presentation today, thank you for listening!” you thanked the class and bowed before disconnecting your laptop and heading back to your seat. you seemed to get the most applause out of everyone that presented, even those that were usually asleep during lessons were wide awake for your presentation.

anton might have been infatuated with your looks and your aura but now, he was definitely falling for your caring and gentle personality. he wanted to know you more, wanted to see the side of you that he saw today, warm and bubbly.

“next, let’s have anton lee!”

taglist (closed due to the limit!): @andromedawillburyyou @imsiriuslyreal @beckiiee00 @dreamiestay @babigriin @kyusqult @eumppappaswife @sserafilms @annswwa @lecheugo @llearlert @nyuoqi @thesunoosshining @yangasm @mmsriza @myizhous @miyawakiblossoms @hyucksdelicate @ilovejungwonandhaechan @snowyseungs @soobiary @ilovejaketoomuch @cla1r20 @darlingz99 @chiiyuuvv @lilacarat @ohmykwonsooyoung @sonjuyeonnie @nicholasluvbot @chiiyuuvv @haechology @luvnicho @numberonetaleprince @addores @revehosh @jscvhs @istphanie

if i didn’t tag you, please check your account settings > visibility!

[candyskiez]

for the thingy, do tma based on what youve listened to so far?

Okay full disclosure to anyone reading this I am not done this podcast!!! I am on season three episode 87, and haven't finished that episode, please do not give me any spoilers or hint at any. Thank you!

Favorite female character: Melanie King. She's just so ridiculously likable. A thing I've noticed is she's very clearly Used to a certain amount of misogyny with her being in the industry that yk, gets you called insane. She's so immediately defensive whenever she thinks she's getting perceived as crazy or lying and you can tell that's something that's happened a million times, especially recently with the whole. Yk. Arrested thing. It's just a detail that's very well implied that idk. It's something I've been thinking about with her even though its not the main reason I like her. Idk how to explain why I like her she's just very very likable. She feels like a person I'd actually run into and she's just some random person going through the Horrors, just another ghost hunter that got really really unlucky. It's one of the big appeals of TMA to me, they all feel so much like just...people. Not like the authors forcing them or like they're Special because Author Says So. They're just random people and how they got into this situation is pretty believable. I love her dynamics with everyone, if an episode has her in it you know it's gonna be really good, she's just a damn good character and I'm really excited and terrified to see where she goes. Please don't kill her rusty quill.

Favorite male character: Jon Sims. He's just so GOOD man. I like when characters become mean not because of not caring but because they care so much and everything is so awful and everything keeps going to shit and it isn't fair! I love characters who are angry because of a deep love for the people around them! He cares so much about everyone and he hates it so much and man. I don't care how many times it gets done I love it so much. I love his development so far. While with Melanie I'm going "don't hurt her give her hot chocolate and take her far away from this mess just let her be happy PLEASE" with Jon I'm like "I need to see him shatter into a million pieces and try to put himself back together with bleeding hands." And from what I understand I'm in for a treat with one of those wishes and fucked with the other. Whoops. He's just a really good protagonist and just...God. This will not be the last time you hear me talk about how much I love Jon. Also an honorable mention for this spot is Tim. If I don't say how much I love Tim soon I'll die. He's just a guy! He doesn't know what the hell is happening and suddenly everything's fucked and he responds so realistically to it and he's just so interesting to me man. Every horror story has a character who knows absolutely nothing about what's happening and Tim does that so well because like. It feels like. Yeah, obviously. If I knew what he did, I would've done that too.

Favorite season: Man idk I'm only three seasons in. I guess season two? It was a really good season. Jon's spiraling was done so well and him becoming more compassionate just when it was a little too late for that KILLED me. Also TIM!!! Tim was a huge highlight of that season for me, he and Jon's relationship made me want to tear out my own organs. Their fight was just so. I understand exactly why they were so furious at each other. I understand exactly why Tim was so mad at Jon. "He's not wrong you know!" "I know." And Jon having to restart the statement because he's too emotional??? Kill me man just kill me. It just was a really excellent season. Jon and Tim were the biggest highlights for me but Martin was also incredible that season and I loved that scene in shit what was the episode. Hide and seek. With the Tim and Martin conversation. Everyone thinks Martin doesn't care just because he's trying to make things better and because he wants things to be okay it's assumed that he's taking sides or doesn't care that these awful things are happening or that he isn't hurt by it too, and like. It's an understandable assumption. I've made that assumption about people in the past, though I'm not proud of it. And it hurts Martin so much because Martin just wants things to be okay, he just wants to be safe and for his life to stop falling apart and for from what I'm understanding the only real connections he seems to have right now to stop tearing each other apart, and people just assume he's Okay with how Jon's acting, or that Jon wasn't also unfair to him because Martin was worried about him. And it's just. Ough. Martins whole Thing in that season had me Thinking about some shit he made me feel some emotions that's for sure. Can't wait to see what happens with him. Oops this was long.

Favorite episode: Okay I'm gonna be honest with you. This is the worst question you can ask me about this show because I for the life of me cannot fucking choose. There are so many good episodes. So I'm just gonna uh. Talk about a bunch? I've narrowed it down to four but it was so hard guys you don't even know.

Hive: This is just a really really good episode and it makes me batshit insane. I think a really good choice was making her actually not a very easy person to get along with. It would've been so easy to just say that she was nice and she tried so hard but she was alone because people were Mean :(. And I think that this makes the statement hit a lot harder especially as someone who's struggled with mental illness for a long time it's just. She hurt people and she can't wrap her head around it. All she takes away from it is I was left alone. All she sees is that nobody gets her, nobody cares about her, everyone hates her now, or did they always hate her? And I can see the exact thought process that led to her being so taken in by the worms. Like okay here is this thing that needs her, that can't leave her because they need her to survive, so they love her. They love her and they don't care that she's apparently toxic, she doesn't know what that means, she doesn't know what she did, but whatever she did doesn't matter because why would it matter to them. They think she's beautiful, that she's perfect the way she is, they make sense to her and she doesn't have to change. It doesn't matter that she's not a good person, because it doesn't need her to be. It loves her. Like. I'm not saying 2023 me would've absolutely been down to get possessed by worms but at that point in my life I would've absolutely stuck my hand in the nest too. Like. I get it, man. Especially off the hinges of July or November I was a fucking wreck man. I get her. I really like how this show portrays distress. It's not cute. It's not pretty. People do horrible things because they don't know what else to do. Sometimes you blow up every relationship you have, sometimes you stick your hand in a wasp nest to be loved by the only thing you can imagine still loving you. It happens.

The smell of blood: MELANIEEEEE. She stole my heart in this episode. I was so determined not to like her and I was sold by the end of the episode. Her dynamic with Jon was so fun and also just. The insight into how she thinks! I love the statements that are more like a conversation the most anything character interaction heavy is bound to make me eat my own limbs. The...OK I don't wanna say chemistry bc that implies romance but I also don't know what else to call it? They just bounce off each other really well they're SO similar and because of that their defenses against a Lifetime Of Bullshit will clash so hard but then when they can actually talk to each other earnestly they click so well. And just. God I don't even know how to explain why I love Melanie. She's just so??? She puts her show first until she suddenly can't anymore, she immediately expects hostility or doubt and it closes her off from any help or connections and she can't quite get that actually sometimes people just genuinely are worried about you. It's avain it's really clear she's been in the industry for a long time because she's so used to mistreatment she immediately lashes out at anyone who gets too close to acting like that. Shes clearly been through a fuck ton and I'm really excited to learn more about her. That's another thing tma does well the characters are so shaped by their experiences and they make so much sense.

Hide and seek: Godddd. I love this episode. I love this episode!!! Where do I even start!! I mean okay Jon and Tim are a major focus in it so obviously I'm gonna be having a great time. Like. God. Where do I even start. First off Tim's view of Jon is so AUGHHHH this episode because. It hurts and also I cannot blame him at all even a little bit for a second. There are so many good lines in this episode. Also Martin and Tim's interactions in this episode? Insane, so good, told me so much about both of them and anyone who knows me knows I love character analysis so you KNOW I was eating my phone the whole time. I don't even know how to explain what's so good about this episode because it's just. All of it. All of it is so good. It's just a really good episode what else can I even say here. Jon apologizing to Martin and Tim when he thought he was about to die killed me. Every Tim moment this episode killed me. If I was held at gun point I'd probably say this episode is my overall favorite but like. Don't make me choose okay.

A guest for Mr Spider: When I say this statement completely changed how I see Jon I mean it completely changed how I see Jon. It changed how I saw literally everything he's done throughout the podcast. Everything he does makes so much sense with this context but especially his actions regarding the not Sasha. Of course he sent everyone away. Of course he felt like he had to solve it all by himself. After all nobody else could get hurt, because it's His responsibility and He didn't notice and He should be the one dealing with the consequences anyway. He has this view of himself where he's like I'm the only one that should deal with this and yet. It's not arrogance or not entirely. It's this mess of I have to do it by myself and i cannot trust anyone else with this they WILL mess it up but it's not even that he thinks highly of his own capabilities he just judges (fears) everyone else so much. And his trust issues make so much damn sense in retrospect like. His sense of safety was completely shattered when he was so young, and he grew up feeling undesired and like a burden and. Of course he assumes any act of kindness is an act, of course he's so suspicious of anyone who tries to get close, he never had those connections. This episode is just. So good. It explains so much about him and is just a really good start to the season and I can't wait to see what happens next.

Favorite ship: So far, Jonmartin. Yes I know I've been very basic with all these but like. It's common for a reason they're so interesting?? Like yes very sweet but also they're so fascinating. There's something going on there I can't wait to see what happens. But also I'm eyeing a bunch of other ships too. I am a multishipper by trade. I will whack any character together. I'm kinda eyeing jontim very closely. I will probably whack any interesting protagonist/antagonist dynamic together before you can do anything because they intrigue me.

A character I'd die defending: Honestly all of them. I get all of them. They're just people. Most of the decisions they make are ones I would've made in their situations, I can't get seriously mad at any of them.

A character I can't sympathize with: So far, none.

A character I grew to love: Melanie. She dragged me in kicking and screaming.

My anti otp: So far, none!

I once again ask you don't say any spoilers or hints, thank you!

[bengiyo]

Sing My Crush: Men Need to Be Angry Sometimes

Now that episodes 5 and 6 of Sing My Crush have aired, I finally feel like I have the confidence and timing to write this post. I’m not sure how many men are in Tumblr BL fandom watching and writing along with us, but it often feels like there’s less than ten of us. As such, there are times when these guys express intense emotions that the (femme) fandom at large seems to struggle with that make perfect sense for me, particularly when it comes to anger.

The most notable recent example of my breaking with fandom reactions happened with Episode 10 of La Pluie with Phat’s explosion in the rain confrontation and aftermath. I thought that Phat’s betrayal and hurt came through loudly, and I totally understood him finally losing his cool after being dicked around by Saengtai for multiple years. Others struggled with this and turned on Phat. Today, I want to talk about Han Baram and Im Hantae and Hantae’s choice to take Baram to a boxing gym to vent out his frustrations.

Quite a bit happens in this episode in terms of the broad spectrum of male feeling. With Sangin, you get his need for control and power. He is cruel in every interaction and physically throws Baram into a wall to yell in his face.

He derides Hantae and diminishes the support he’s given Baram for years.

With Jeong Pal, we get him crying and despondent over Baram’s decision to leave them. He is allowed to be upset, and all Hantae asks is that they try to trust Baram.

Baram is so sad for me because he’s always holding so much of his feelings inside. I love Baram’s confession to Hantae in this episode because it feels not too dissimilar to the first love song he wrote: Letter of Apology. He feels like his feelings are a burden to others and that he is inconveniencing them. He doesn’t even wait around to let Hantae process what’s going on, like many of his K-BL brethren recently (Looking at you Our Dating Sim and Individual Circumstances!).

Finally, we get to In Hamtae. After all the awful things that have gone down this episode, he is so gentle with Han Baram before taking him to the boxing gym.

He leads him by the hand to a seat and gently wraps his hands for him even as you can see he’s still pissed with Han Baram the whole time. He even takes a moment to laugh and call Baram cute while putting on the headgear.

Once they finally get to the boxing ring, he gives Baram a literal shove to get his emotions out so he can finally vent his frustrations. He tells Baram to envision his right hand and Jin Sangin and his left hand as Im Hantae. He sees the uncertainty in Baram’s eyes, and reassures him that he envisions punching Baram’s face all the time and to not overthink it. He cheers Baram on as he finally starts to punch with force. We even get to hear Baram’s exertions as he’s finally letting out his feelings.

Y’all, when I tell you I started to cry so hard as Baram finally got to audibly express some of his frustrations. He needed to be mad. He deserved to be mad. What Sangin did to him was cruel. He ruined Baram’s first confession. He made him feel weird and undesirable. He later stole his goddamned song from him. He threatened him if Baram tried to fight back in any way. Baram needed to express that anger. It isn’t always going to be pretty, and I love that Im Hantae gave him a space to do that.

Still, we’re not done. Im Hantae makes them switch places, and he’s practiced at this. He says all of the feelings that are on his mind:

If you go to Highcode Entertainment, what about our band?

What about our dream?

What about me?

You’re so bad. How could you have confessed in that way?

That’s why you got dumped.

Then he throws the gloves at Han Baram, who asks such a heartbreaking question: “Why is it so tiring to like someone? What did I do wrong?” Im Hantae hugs him, and Han Baram is finally starting to push back on how others make him feel when he chides Hantae for how hard he hit him. Hantae assures him that he did nothing wrong and the two of them end up resting on the floor of the gym together in a shot that definitely came from the source material.

I just absolutely love that the final scenes of this episode are about how righteous it is for Baram and Hantae to be angry and upset about the things that have happened, including the things they might have done to each other. Men feel the full gamut of emotions, and anger is one of those. Sometimes that anger comes out explosively, and often it’s ugly. It is so important to me that we earnestly engage with men’s anger in a genre about close, personal relationships. We often get angry on behalf of characters that are being done wrong, and I think it’s so important that we interrogate the kinds of anger we allow characters to express in our shows.

With these two, there’s something so special about the tenderness Hantae showed Baram before, during, and after the boxing sequence to make sure Baram finally let out his own frustrations and hurt.

[skeletorsims]

My ROS for Alicel

Want to prefice this by saying that I did not create nearly anything on this list. It is heavily adapted from Vllygrl's Medieval ROS here, as well as JadeElliot's available here, and some from here by eien_herrison. I wanted to put it here for reference and if someone else wanted some ideas on how to adapt this for a more Victorian/western setting! I am using this from Y1 W4 (Winter) on.

1. Financial

Win small inheritance from dear departed relative 

Add to funds: (d100 x 10)

Win medium inheritance from dear departed relative 

Add to funds: (d100 x 100)

Win large inheritance from dear departed relative.  

Add to funds: (d100 x 1000)

For he’s a Jolly Goode Fellowe – Add to funds: every household gives you $100.

Cattle Rustlers invade your holdings – roll 1d6 for your each of livestock. If even delete the livestock, it has been stolen.

Barn repairs – deduct from funds (d100 x 10).  Place cart in inventory until paid.  

2. Family

Share the love – adopt a child.

Blood is thicker than water – distant impoverished relative moves in.  Make a new Sim in CAS and move in to household.  Make new Sim a relative using Sim Blender.  New relative must work caring for the family, family farm or family business, but may not take an outside job or in any way contribute to the family income.

Are Ye Daft? Wedding – Pick a Sim in the household who is not married already and have he or she invite over the Sim they know with highest LT relationship, and marry on the spot.  Reroll if no single Sims in the household.  Use Sim Blender and ACR to enact scenario.

Broken Betrothal – an engaged Sim in the household gets dumped by the fiancé. 

Run away–Sim abandons family permanently. if this is rolled for a teen then they must run-away. 

Meet Someone New – pick someone the Sim has not yet met or make a new Sim in CAS. Begin an affair. 

3. Family  2

Indecent Proposal– oldest unmarried Sim is offered position of mistress by highest LT relationship Sim they knows – they loses 100 Aspiration Points if they accepts and must immediately leave their household in shame.  They gains 100 asp points if they refuse and the offering Sim must pay $100 to their family as apology.  If they accepts, they moves into a house provided by the offering Sim and must allow them exclusive rights to visit and woohoo anytime they chose, thereby losing their social standing and becoming “beyond the pale”, i.e. no longer socially acceptable. -Accepts (Roll an even number) -Refuses (Roll and odd number)

Mid-life Crisis– Oldest sim in the household offers position of affair to the Sim they knows with the highest Lt Relationship who is not living in his household.  They gains 100 Aspiration Points if they accept, or loses 100 Aspiration Points if they refuses.  If they accepts, they must buy, furnish and pay the bills on a house which the sim moves into and where they can visit and woohoo with them anytime he chooses as long as they is discreet (i.e. if they are later seen by their fiancé or wife in public (a community lot) with their mistress they must say good-bye and deed their the house). -Accepts (Roll an even number) -Refuses (Roll an odd number)

Ruination – an unmarried female Sim who is impregnated out of wedlock.  Once the first “bump” appears, she is discovered and must immediately marry either the father or another male Sim she knows with the highest LT relationship and move in with her new husband, or she must move to the convent.

Reunion- invite entire extended family to your lot for a party

The Buccaneers- 4 sims move to the settlement to find spouses. they must be married by the end of the season 

Relationship Strain- Pick 1d6 fights with the sim you have the highest LT score with 

4. Disease/Illness

Broken Limb – Sim must stay at home with free will off for 2 days, use Boblishman’s cast mesh.

Pneumonia – use Sim Blender to infect Sim, and then Sim is isolated in bedroom with free will off for 2 days.

Dysentery (flu) – use Sim Blender to infect Sim, and then Sim is isolated in bedroom with free will off for 2 days.

Food Poisoning– use Sim Blender to infect Sim, and then Sim is isolated in bedroom with free will off for 2 days.

Livestock Illness- 1d6/2 of your livestock fall ill. roll 1d6 (evens/odds) to see if they survive 

Lethargy– god everything is just so much. your sim can't seem to get out of bed. 

5. Disaster

Fire – place (d12) intense fires on lot.  Use Carrigon’s Intense Fire Hack and Sir Ignitus Blowtorch’s Buyable Fire.  Whoosh! Big flames!

Flood – place at least 10 sinks in locked room and break them.  Do not allow them to be fixed for 24 hours.  All rugs and furniture that touch the floor must be replaced.  Sell sinks back after flooding is done. Use Boolprop (shift-click on the object) to break it.

Terrible Tempest – house is demolished.  Sim must call taxi and move out with all household members immediately.  In neighborhood view use the lots bin bulldozer tool to demolish the lot.  Then either put down an EMPTY lot in the same place and move the household in to rebuild, or move Sims into another house if they can afford it.  May save (d6) items in inventory.  Add to funds (d100) x 100 as a Crown Charity Grant for rebuilding.

Horse Accident – Sim loses their horse and spends (d4) days nursing his/her injury isolated in bedroom with free will off.

RATS! – place 1d20 sun & moon vermins on lot

Crop Failure – early frost wipes out entire vegetable or fruit crop.

Wrongly Jailed – (d4) for # of days spent in jail.  Put Sim in your local jail.

Called Away – 1d6 male sims move to the sim bin for 1d12 days to handle business in Town. Continue your normal rotations; sadly your families will have to do without your breadwinner’s wages until peace is restored.  Roll to see if each Sim will or will not return: -Dead (Roll 1 or 4 on a 6-sided die) -An elder (Roll 2 or 5 on a 6-sided die) -with a Child from another mother (Roll 3 or 6 on a 6-sided die.)

6. Death Use Sim Blender, and roll (d12) to determine cause of death:

Childbirth

Poisoned

Cart accident

Old age

Flies

Drowning

Starvation

Disease

Fire

Fright

Poisonous mushrooms (cow plant)

Foul Play

7. Miscellaneous

Crime Does Pay – Sim must spend all his or her free time (when not tending to needs or at work) counterfeiting coins for (d6) days.  If caught, Sim must go to jail for (d4) days.

Caught Red-Handed (Roll an even number)

Elude Detection (Roll an odd number)

Master Herbalist Diploma – Sim must attain Gold Gardening Badge, Physiology and Lifelong Happiness.  Receive (d100) x 10 Aspiration Points and $1000 Award from Crown Treasury.

Creature of the night: Somehow your sim has become infected with vampirism. Not allowed to cure for two rotations. 

Running with the pack: Somehow your sim has become infected with Lycanthropy. Not allowed to cure for two rotations

Charmed- You have developed strange powers unknown to you. Roll even/odds for good witch/bad witch. 

Inner Peace – Sim must move to Convent or Monastery for (d6) days and spend 6 consecutive hours in prayer (meditation) each day. If none are available the sim must start a church. Sim receives (d100) x 10 Aspiration Points.  Roll to determine if Sim: -Stays in convent or monastery and takes orders (Roll an even number) -Returns home (Roll an odd number)

8. Miscellaneous

Midlife Crisis – Change your aspiration

WEIRD WEST – get your sim abducted 

Creature of the night: Somehow your sim has become infected with vampirism. Not allowed to cure for two rotations. 

Running with the pack: Somehow your sim has become infected with Lycanthropy. Not allowed to cure for two rotations

Charmed- You have developed strange powers unknown to you. Roll even/odds for good witch/bad witch. 

Inner Peace – Your Sim must found a church, move onto the lot, and choose the career 

[kindlespice]

Hi, I've downloaded your Count Vlad into my game, and it seems his facial hair is no longer available to download?

yup, simstrouble recently retired some cc so the location just shifted, but worry not!! you can still get the beard here, it’s the benicio one!!

and i’ll be sure to update the link!!

[ladywaifuuwrites]

Pillars reacting to their crush who’s small but strong

Request: male pillars reacting to a really strong female pillar whos like super short like 4′10-5′ and they crush on them.

Pairings: Male pillars x fem! reader

Synopsis: Their crush is a strong smol pillar ^_^

Warnings: manga spoiler

a/n: I smiled at your request since I’m small too. Like I’m 5′0. And I’m kinda scared to do face to face classes since the boys at my school will tease me for not getting taller. Hmph. SO HERE YA GO. You’re the first request! Have a nice day whoever u are!

And I am so sorry this is so long! ASJDAOFHHASK. I got carried away in some of those storylines. I hope this makes sense (wrote this when I was hungry).

This would be a headcanon I assume. 

I’m sorry if It’s taking me long to answer requests but don’t worry I’ll write those! I’ll probably upload rules for future requests :)

Giyuu Tomioka

yo this guy is tall not kidding

Giyuu is head over heels for you. He’ll want to protect you since you’re the most precious things he’s ever laid eyes on

Sparkles in his eyes whenever he sees you✨

He doesn’t want to lose you so he’s butting in on all of your missions. You get annoyed and you think he’s looking down on you.

You two get into a fight and doesn’t fix it since Giyuu’s communication is bad. It ends up in you walking away.

Nighttime and demons are lurking around in the forest as you take a stroll to clear your mind. Then a demon launches on you but thanks to your quick reflexes you dodge.

It’s a strong demon, close enough to become one of the lower moons. But nothing you can’t handle.

Giyuu senses a demon nearby and he frantically searches for you. *sim dads reaction when the mother goes into labor lmaooooo*

Lights fill up an area of the forest from the techniques you use. In like 2 strikes the demon dies.

He finally finds you as the demon’s ashes blow away. Your hair is dramatically blowing too.

He’s just staring at you then hugs you “I’m sorry. I’m not underestimating you…I just want to protect you.”  

Then all good. He’s amazed by how strong you are despite you’re short stature. You’re going to missions together and sometimes he just watches you finish off the demon. Just happy to see that satisfied smile you have when you kill a demon.

Muichiro Tokito

When he first met you at the pillar meeting, he muttered his thoughts, wondering how could someone be that small? You’re in the same age but you’re small.

Shinobu heard him since she was beside him and said “that’s rude to ask someone”. She’s lowkey offended.

Tengen retorts to Muichiro. “You’re small too…??”

Since it’s rude, he kept his mouth shut. You’re the same age as him when you entered the corps. He thinks you’ll grow up anyway. 

Surprise surprise you grew up, 2 inches. But still small. 

He gets nervous a bit around you since puberty did you good. Won’t admit it though.

Cue swordsmith village arc

He’s having trouble dealing with Gyokko. (I hate his face. It’s weird and ugly.)

Then minutes later, you show up out of nowhere, giving great damage to the demon.

“Are you okay?” you ask him with concern and you two fight off the fish demon.

He’s in awe because you actually took over the fight. Sure you have injuries but those are minor compared to his and you were very careful.

He’s injured so he couldn’t do much but you saved him and the civilians by defeating the demon. That’s when he realized how amazing you are and you earn his respect. 

Days pass by and you two along with the other demon slayers are commended by Oyakata-sama.

He thanks you when the both of you are walking together. He’s very grateful for what you did and you two become closer afterwards.

“Ah young love.” Mitsuri sighs blissfully as she watches you two leave the headquarters.

Kyojuro Rengoku 

Kyojuro knows you’re small and he knows you’re strong. You’re one of his trainees along with Mitsuri, so you’ve known each other for a long time now.

You rose to the ranks of the pillars with Kyojuro’s guidance. And now you’re looked up to by the whole organization because of your excellent swordsmanship despite your small figure. 

So you’re tasked to train 20 slayers ranked below Tsuchinoto. You take them to a clearing in the forest where training equipment are already placed. You train them by remembering what Kyojuro has taught you over the years. And you smile, seeing your past self in the struggling slayers.

You gave them a 10 minute break and after 10 minutes, you do a headcount to see if everyone is in your proximity. 

“18,19…?????” 

Oh no. A slayer is missing.

So you set off to find the missing one and there you found him. 

Hanging upside down from the arms of a large demon. The boy is muttering apologies for straying faraway and is begging for you to save him upon seeing you. 

You are annoyed at the fact that he has disobeyed your orders and is now at the hands of danger. But this was no time to be blaming someone for a boy’s life is at stake here. 

You jump into the air and you take down the demon pretty easily with one strike of your sword. And you catch the falling boy bridal style with your annoyed face. 

You put the boy down but suddenly a demon comes attacking you both. You kill it but more of it comes at you. They are easy to take down but it keeps coming, making you tired if you have to do this all night. It just won’t stop multiplying.

You think you’ve killed almost all of it but then the slayer screams “(L/N)-SAN!!!!!”. A monstrous looking demon bares its claws at you, but before you could react a flash of flames appears right in front of your eyes. 

“Kyojuro…” You whisper in relief as he slays the final demon. The bright flames sparkle in your eyes as you’re once again amazed at the man.

Kyojuro looks at you and comes over. “You’re so amazing.” You manage to say. 

He smiles and says. “No. You’re the amazing one.”. You always manage to face whatever challenge and it always ends up in you winning. Kyojuro knows how hard you proved others wrong by becoming a strong pillar. 

Super proud of you cause you’re strong. He actually watched you battle those before jumping in to save you.

Sanemi Shinazugawa

He doesn’t really care if you’re short or tall

The important things is that you’re useful to the organization

When someone teases you about your height, you end up feeling down and he’s there to beat that someone’s ass.

He doesn’t like to admit it but he’s a softie when it comes to you. You eventually break down his walls and now you can say you’re friends with the scary wind pillar.

You always tease him though and he’s always annoyed. But everyone thinks you’re both dumb since it’s very clear that you two like each other but you still deny it.

There’s this time where Sanemi is visibly struggling fighting demons as you watch him peacefully on a rooftop. He’s glaring at you and asks you “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”.

You just smile at him sweetly😊

Sanemi pretends his heart didn’t do a flip. But his heart stopped when he saw a demon behind you on the rooftop.

He was about to call your name when another blink and the demon’s head was cut off.

He was surprised since it all happened so fast. You go down to the ground, landing safely as you battle demons that the frozen Sanemi left.

It just took you 10 seconds to eliminate those demons and Sanemi’s mouth is left agape as he watched you.

You weren’t normally like this. So why the sudden surge of power?

“Sanemi hun. Close your mouth.” You say to him with a blank face, but before you could go past him, he gripped your wrist tightly and placed your small body in front of him.

He dragged you so easily lol.

He hugged you with your faced buried on his chest.

It was the comforting kind of silence. Sanemi was scared losing you to that demon but deep inside he knows that you’re strong.

Won’t admit that your moves are amazing.

Gyomei Himejima

This man is the strongest in the demon slayer corps and the tallest

Lmaoooo you would be like a mushroom beside him💀🍄

Gyomei actually gets out of tricky situations easily because he’s that strong

You’re a fairly new pillar who earned her spot 3 months ago. You two were assigned on a mission together. A gigantic demon appeared throughout the village that was between the regions you and the stone pillar were assigned in.

Gyomei knows your capabilities so he trusts you in doing a good job, but he can’t help but worry about you.

He doesn’t care if you’re small, he thinks that height isn’t the basis for an excellent demon slayer. But he’s still worried, so he looks for you. I don’t know how he looks but he looks.

Then he sees you fighting off demons very easily. A determined look is seen across your face. Gyomei feels he’s tearing up because he’s so proud of you. Proud boyfriend here somethin.

You were just a weak mizunoto years ago and now you’re a strong pillar who can fight with him side by side.

When you finish off the demons, you look to see Gyomei smiling at you. This were the fruits of the harsh trainings you went through, it made an excellent swordswoman.

Among the pillars, you stand beside Gyomei in rankings. So you’re powerful like wow. O_O

Obanai Iguro

He’s small but have you seen him fight? He’s a demon slayer with remarkable speed and you won’t know he’s attacking you because his moves slithers secretly like a snake.

You’ve always admired Obanai even you’re now both pillars. And that admiration bloomed into something more.  

He’s a strong pillar despite his small stature and that’s what you aim for to be like.

You’re trying to show off your moves to him every time you’re in battle together, to show him what you can do. To which he’s just “meh”.

So you give up on trying to show off and just do it for the sake of the people you’re saving.

You really gave up on showing off, but you can’t help it cause your breathing forms are flashy. Obanai doesn’t show it but he loves that display of power you have when you’re fighting.

Poor man doesn’t realize he’s in love with you even though others point it out.

He’s having trouble dividing his attention on protecting the civilians or fighting the demons. Luckily you were near the area so you came to his aid.

You slay the demons with your sharp and precise movements in just a short amount of time.

He’s like 😲 but when you turn he’s back to 😐😷

He’s one of the guys who won’t admit that you’re amazing and won’t admit that he likes you. You force him to confess though.

Tengen Uzui

If Obanai doesn’t admit he likes you, this guy would shout that he likes you

Would openly flirt with you because why not? There’s nothing to be shy about.

Always takes the chance to compliment and flirt with you.

“You’re cute (y/n)” “Thanks” Tengen finds your height cute because the height difference is HUGE.

Another mushroom like moment💀🍄

He knows you’re strong so he likes to train with you. Always ends up letting you win because he just likes it when he’s pinned down by your smaller figure.

When a demon invasion came in your area,, you fight them off while Tengen is called for backup.

He slays the lesser demons easily and found you fighting a stronger demon while protecting some children behind your back.

He smirks and leans against a tree, arms folded while watching you fight off the demon. 

You did it so easily making Tengen’s eyebrows rise.

Then you see him and ask him “what are you doing?”.

“watching you.” He finds you hot and sexy when you have that focused look in the middle of a battle. He won’t say it out loud because you might smack him in the face.

Super amazed at the fact that you’re stronger than the other pillars despite your small figure.(he thinks you’re stronger than him but dismisses that because pshhhhhh).

Will throw you over his shoulder at random times. Thinking that his antics will make you fall in love with him.

And it did…

[heavensims]

Nicola ‘Nic’ Yeung was raised in the heart of Roaring Heights by two successful parents. She “didn’t apply herself” in school, instead choosing to spend her time immersed in fantasies of her own making, scraping by with only passable grades. While working as a barista after graduating high school, Nic began posting her stories online, eventually teaching herself basic programming skills to develop text-based adventure games and branching out into modding best-selling games to add new quests.

It was in one of her online forums that she met Max, another avid modder who endorsed her quest mods and offered his help programming and animating future ideas she might have. The two hit it off and began creating bigger and more complex mods for their favorite games until they finally decided to meet IRL. Nic and Max dated for the next 3 years, during which they formed their own small indie company, Shadoware Studios. Their debut title, Parallax, won Best Debut Indie Game. Nic was only 25 at the time. The much anticipated sequel, Parallax II: Call of Thoggus is set to release next year.

Though she hates crowds and being the center of attention, Nic is easily in her element when advocating for her game and characters. She’s truly passionate about what she does (she’s loathe to call it “work”) and will fight tooth and nail for her studio. Nic longs to find someone who understands and accepts her passion, but someone who can also be a balancing force in her life. Max cares just as deeply for Shadoware and, ultimately, the two never made time for each other outside of work. When it became clear it was either their relationship or Shadoware, both equally and unequivocally made the choice to pick their true love over each other. Nic needs someone who can understand this and not be threatened by her devotion to Shadoware (and her close relationship with an ex), but who also encourages and entices her to live outside her fantasy realm. 

Nic rarely makes time for her personal life outside of work and has thus decided to become the next bachelorette in the hopes that the producers can help her meet her match.

Rules:

12 spots available!

Male and female sims.

Vanilla only. I'm too boring for berry.

No supernatural/occult sims.

CC is acceptable but I do ask that you use it discerningly, rather than just for the sake of using CC.

If you do use CC, it must be linked and/or included.

I'll be using my default eye and skin replacements, found in my FAQ, so if your sim uses something different, please use non-default.

.sim files only. I don't install anything through the launcher.

I have all EPs and every SP except Movie Stuff.

The sooner I can get this going, the better! That said, I’d like to put a hard deadline of February 4th on receiving all sims.

Each sim should have a small, accompanying bio please! I'll need a good feel for each contestant as the challenge will be told in a narrative style. I will also be sending questionnaires for confessionals, like with Jesse’s BC. Participation is optional.

Your sim may have 5 total skillpoints. You may include which skillpoints you’d like in either the bio or a private .txt in the download and I will make sure to assign them with master controller at the start of the save.

Please message me if you'd like a spot. When ready, tag your submissions hsbc2; I'll be tagging and tracking that for this challenge. 

[weatherman667]

Sakura Wars

I tried watching the anime when I was younger, but the problem with the anime is it wasn’t properly balanced.  The anime was based off the original game fo the Sega Saturn, which is largely a dating sim.  Turning it into an anime didn’t really work, at least not as indecisively as they did it.  Since then I’ve been largely ignorant to Sakura Wars until I bought the recent game.

Now, being Sakura Wars it has to have a Sakura front and centre.  Apparently, as a girl, this Sakura was saved by the original Sakura, and dreamed of growing up to be exactly like it.

Fancy that.

She plays the childhood love interest, which has absolutely no interest as a love interest.  It’s based off a presumed emotional connection, instead of trying to make the audience feel an emotional connection.  It’s basically the laziest device used by people who cannot fathom actual romance.

Now, as for Sakura, she is actually far more interesting than my rant against childhood love interests should seem.  She is practically oozing personality, which is something the game does a fantastic job of.  Despite the limited graphics, the characters show incredible personality from the first moment you see them.  Get this, even the male protagonist has a personality, hopes, dreams, history  They do a much better job than most of the games that put all of their efforts in better graphics to show off their incredibly flat characters.  Their stances and minute facial expressions are one of the reasons I bought the game in the first place.

The game introduces you slowly to the world.  First you can walk around, but oh no, it’s way too soon for us to trust you with the camera yet.  They then give you a tutorial on the camera once they finally deign to let you use it.  You then get a (supposed steam powered), tablet computer that acts as your minimap and much of your typically triangle-button menu in an RPG.  Your character even pulls the Teletron out of his pocket when you use it.  It’s completely unnessary, but also charming.

Now, considering this is a part RPG / part dating sim, I absolutely loathe the fact that they try to get you to flirt with Sakura before even introducing the other characters.  The dialogue is not so much the problem, but the fact that she ticks every single box for default love interest.  Hell, with Mass Effect, they tried to make Virmire Survivor the default love interest, and the fandom said fuck that, give me blue babies, (which we never got, but that’s another story).  But, as I said, she is far more interesting, and has far more personality than any other yamato nadeisco childhood friend default love interest I’ve ever seen.  Hell, if we could undo the last 40 years of the yamato nadeisco childhood friend default love interest, I would love to have her be the one I pick.

Now, the world has you using steam + magic powered super robots to fight demons, but, the problem is that you are a “Combat Revue”.  You are based out of a theatre, which is both insanely stupid and clever at the same time.  It allows you to disguise your facilities and have everyone still call you captain without being overly suspicious.  But, you might wonder, since acting and combat are such very different things, won’t it be hard to find people who can do both?

Yes.

The three actresses you start with are terrible actresses.  Even worse, you are apparently self-funded.  The armour you have won’t work without maintenance, and you cannot afford to do so until your theatre makes money.

I’ve been playing this game for a couple of hours, and finally got to see the armours, only to then be told they cannot work as is.

And we cannot get anymore, meaning you don’t have an armour.

A a worldwide festival is is a week, where all of the world’s Combat Revues compete in combat and acting, (begging the question of how exactly are we keeping the combat part of our Combat Revues a secret, when we call it the World Combat Revue Competition).

I was hoping to include the combat mechanics in the review, but apparently not.

[fellowstrangetownappreciator]

La Fiesta Tech and other unfortunate decisions 1: Greek House powered by hatred (Tank and Johnny)

After my last post about my general play style for university in TS2, here I come with something more specific! (aka a blog that promised to be about gameplay is finally posting gameplay)

I ran 35 Sims through college at once - the 8 Strangetown and Pleasantview teens, La Fiesta Tech premades, plus student bin families from the other two universities. In this post I’ll focus on one of the households, what their general experience was and what are my headcanons about it.

Now, I don’t have the save file anymore. The neighborhood succumbed to corruption just a rotation after, so I restarted. It was a learning experience and now I know to run HoodChecker after every rotation and to batbox gossip memories frequently. However, I’m over it and enjoying my new hood even more, I just thought I write a short disclaimer that these bits won’t have any mentions in future posts. But my interpretation of the characters still stands and doesn’t change regardless of save files.

Anyway, let’s get down to business!

...to defeat Academic Probation.

When Johnny Smith signed up for an assignment to establish and lead a Greek House of his own, he was overjoyed. Even more so when he saw the name "Grunt" as his assigned partner.

Founding a Greek House with Ripp? AWESOME!

But... the Grunt in question wasn't Ripp...

No. It was the a**hole Grunt. They’ve already been living in one dorm (with like 14 other people) and the place was a battleground.

To be fair, Johnny and Tank didn't just fight and nothing else. Yes, fighting was like 90 % of how they usually spent their time together but there was something else...

Chess.

In this particular game Johnny had become surprisingly fond of chess and frequently rolled the want to play it.

Chess has always been Tank's favorite game.

They played quite often and it was one of the rare times they were having fun together and actually talked instead of yelling.

But are a few games of chess enough to earn one forgiveness for a teenhood of nastiness and abuse?

In Johnny's eyes rightfully not.

He had to admit the a**hole is quite chill when he's not being a total d*ckhead but that didn't change anything about the fact that Tank had been terrible to him for no good reason ever since forever and he hated him for that.

Those feelings... weren't completely mutual.

College was Tank's awakening. He found himself away from his father, away from prying eyes that would judge him for not being perfect and for the first time in his life, he felt quite free.

And empty. And alone. He realized he had no friends and that the only person who truly liked him was his father and he would most probably stop if he ever learned of Tank's inner world.

He decided it was a high time for a change.

But habits aren't easy to break, especially if they're the only thing you know. Tank had never learnt to relax around people, never learnt to talk to them just to get to know them, never learnt to express himself, never learnt how to make friends.

Why, he had never needed to! They would have been a weakness, an unmanly stain of lollygagging on his consciousness. He was taught that friendships form themselves on the battlefield and it's a waste of time to try to create them otherwise.

It was quite awkward when he started approaching Ripp in attempts to mend their relationship. Tank has hurt Ripp in the past, he actually treated them quite horribly, fueling his own confidence from being the older, bigger, stronger one and from their father approving of such behavior.

Their father has never said it out loud but it has always been simply there that Tank was the superior one. More obedient, stronger, faster, more masculine. Smarter, even! How could Ripp with an attitude like theirs, with their lousy academic results even compare to by-the-book and hardworking Tank?

Yet it was Ripp who was seemingly happier, like they didn't even care about father's disapproval or the pressure of being the offspring of a venerated general. Tank realized he admired them for that. They did things Tank wouldn't even dream of. They didn't hide who they were.

Forgiveness... forgiveness isn't easy to attain. But Tank was determined to try anyway. At the very least he would stop causing any more harm to his sibling in the future.

It wasn't that straightforward with his new alien roommate, though.

Johnny was special. First he despised him because his father taught him they were inherently dangerous and invasive, they needed to be driven away. But that got quickly buried under memories of aggression and hostile experiences. It was by all means Tank who started it and Johnny was only fighting back but that didn't matter deep in Tank's head, his brain had connected Johnny to unpleasant, awful things regardless.

But he was also the most... attractive person Tank knew. Tank couldn't help himself. He wished Johnny Smith wasn't an alien, so they could've been friends right from the start. He was athletic, even more than Tank, was interested in the same sports as him and was damn good at them, he has always had good grades without seemingly having to study that much, and all around, he would make such a worthy friend!

Friend. Was that something Tank sincerely had on mind when he fantasized about Johnny? (And did he do that a lot!) No. Not at all.

Ripp has long been out, proud and loud about their orientation, not denying they liked boys and girls and anything in between and beyond, and the general was giving them dirty looks and deprecating remarks for it. He wasn't outright punishing them, mainly because he expected nothing more from Ripp and knew his middle child was simply "a weirdo" but Tank was sure his reception would be even worse if he came out.

He was supposed to be the good son, after all. The heir. He was not supposed to think or do or, by the Watcher, be something his father considers perverted and unmanly. He could only imagine the horrible things the general could say to him and the thought alone was enough to make him shudder.

Once again Tank simply didn't understand Ripp. They liked girls, so the world didn't even had to know that it's not all there is to it. They could've just find themselves a girlfriend and not face any judging generals. That's what Tank would do!

But he couldn't. He wasn't like Ripp. He only ever felt attracted to other men and male-presenting people. There was nothing he could do, no way he could force himself to be any other way.

And nobody knew. Not even that girl from their high school that Tank asked to prom so that he didn't look weird. They were on amicable terms but they weren't even friends, they just helped each other out so they didn't seem like outcasts to the whole school on the prom night.

He remembered his father being elated and encouraging him to invite his "girlfriend" for a dinner soon, so he could meet the fine young lady that might just one day become his daughter-in-law.

Tank had to tell him that it unfortunately "didn't work out" and that he "needs to focus on his studies and training anyway" and the general then praised him for it.

Little did he know that his favorite son, even back then, was not only gay but had a hopeless crush on an alien boy.

Every time Tank tried to interact with Johnny and be nice to him, he got reminded of his feelings he was so ashamed of and of his fear of his father disavowing him, so he said something mean instead or didn't talk to him at all.

The only exception was chess.

Sometimes, when a game neared its end, they spoke. And they talked... casually. It was awkward and cautious but it was a conversation and it felt... good.

Playing chess with Johnny became Tank's guilty pleasure. (even worse than watching make-up tutorials on SimTube!)

Being forced by the assignment to live together for six semesters was equal parts a living hell and a dream come true.

They had a small house on La Fiesta Tech premises that they were to transform into a lively Greek House.

"This place looks like shit and smells like a prison cell. Or vice-versa?"

"You got everything you have for free, Smith. Stop bitching."

Johnny sighed and opened up a book. "Says someone whose loaded dad literally sent him money for this house."

"I thought your family was also well off. Is that incorrect?"

"We have a financial situation called None of your business, Grunt."

"Sorry for asking like a normal person."

"Nothing you do is 'like a normal person'."

...

"I quit! You're unhinged, Smith!"

"Tell me something I don't know."

"I found a knife under your pillow!"

"You found -what? Why the f*ck were you looking under my pillow?!"

"I was just changing the sheets. I did mine, so I thought I'll do yours, too!"

"Why the f*ck would you change the sheets on MY flipping bed?"

"Because you are a disgusting manchild and it stank."

"I was gonna change them tonight! And, guess what!"

"What?"

"YOU also have a knife under your pillow!"

"I don't!"

"Yes, you do, liar."

"How do you know that?"

"I saw you put it there yesterday, you galaxy brain. The question is, why the hell do you have a f*cking knife under your pillow?"

"Why do you, Smith?"

"Because I live with your ass. I sleep better knowing you can't just murder me in my sleep. Now you tell."

"Same. I've slept with a knife under my pillow ever since grade school in case a robber got to our house. I won't stop now that I live with YOU!"

"..."

"I won't kill you. I'm not a freak! Killing is wrong, even if it's parasites such as you. And, besides, I'm not stupid. If you turned up dead, I'll would be charged immediately, even if I didn't do it."

"So why do heck do you think I would kill you, Grunt?"

"I... don't know."

"Anyway, were you for real? Are you quitting? We fail this assignment but I'm chill with that if it means getting rid of you."

"No, no! I'm not going anywhere until we pass. I'm not a quitter! But if you want to quit, I'll respect that and be glad this circus is finally over."

"Fine. Are we getting pizza for dinner tonight?"

...

“I invited my family for a lunch...”

“Alright. I’ll be in the library. Or the gym. Haven’t decided yet.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I want you to be here, Grunt.”

“Why? So you can all make fun of me?”

“Stop being so defensive. I want you to be here, so you can just chill with us. And my folks are gonna know you’re actually... okay.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“And if you hang out with mom, dad and Jill, you’re gonna know they’re okay, too.”

“That’s not how this works. I can’t just act like we’re friends now and everything’s peachy.”

“Well, who said that? Maybe that’s exactly how it works. You never know until you try!”

“If anything goes wrong-”

“Nothing’s gonna go wrong. It’s not that deep. We’re been living together for nearly three f*cking years and had a sh*tton of time to talk. In fact, I already told them you’re my friend now.”

“I thought we agreed we wouldn’t use the F-word!”

Johnny laughed. “What? F*cking? F*ck? C’mon! Your dad can’t hear us!”

“No, the other one. The FR-word.”

Johnny rolled his eyes and grinned. “Go friend yourself!”

“Okay, I’ll stay for the lunch. I’ll go get my tuxedo...”

“Please don’t.”

Reaching a truce was a painfully slow and slowly painful process. Sometimes Johnny wondered if there’s even a point. Sometimes Tank wondered if it wouldn’t be better just to focus fully on his studies and forget that Johnny existed.

But they had to live together, they had to work together organizing parties and happenings in order to grow the Greek House. They had to speak. And when the exams drew nearer, the only person who was available for evening study sessions was usually the other.

What did they study anyway?

Tank rolled the want to major in Drama while Johnny studied Political Science. Tank has never told his father the truth of what his field of study is and knowing his father has access to the university's statistics and probably could fact check that in Tank's house there lives a Drama major and a PolSci major, he pretended he's doing Political Science and Johnny is the one majoring in Drama.

When the general came for a visit to attend Tank's graduation, Johnny played along with his lie.

The relationship between Tank and Johnny improved drastically over the three years. They still weren't exactly close friends but were healing with a prospect of a friendship further along the way.

Were they romantic with one another?

No. Johnny reciprocated Tank's attraction and maybe something could happen in the future but Johnny fell in love autonomously with somebody else.

With a different Grunt, to be exact.

(typing angrily)

Anyway, even though Tank's crush on Johnny ended up futile, it was still a great experience for him.

In college, Tank Grunt really flourished, despite the initial struggle. He realized a lot about himself and started working on his social skills and repairing his relationships.

He also found a friend in none other than Ophelia Nigmos and she became the first person he ever came out to.

Plus, he was the most academically successful Sim of the whole 35 students I played, being the only one who graduated with a flawless 4.0 GPA.

Unlike Ripp, Tank returned back to live with their father and Buck for the time being. He was expected to enter the army and needed a place to be. Moreover, the general was vocal about choosing him as the heir who inherits the Grunt house someday, so it was simply right for Tank to go back and live there.

Was it? Wasn’t it?

Tank was definitely having second thoughts.

He didn’t wonder anymore if military was the right career path for him. He knew it wasn’t.

But was he ready to let the world know who he really was?

[guigz1-coldwar]

All I have is nightmares

Each night is the same night for Bell : dreaming about her times in Vietnam and unable to have a proper sleep because of that but maybe that night can be different of the others....that's all she wanted !

Warning : vomiting !

------------------------------------ The Vietnam's War is nothing but only bad memories coming back !

People will say that this war was useless, that it was a fucking non-sense to send mens in a country already ravaged by a civil war that started years ago and where the advantage was already in the hands of the communists but everyone who has participated in this war returned back home changed and traumatized by the events. Nothing could have tell them that they were going to experiment what is Hell on Earth....this expression was given his full meaning during that war. They were sent there because it was their duty to fight for their country and their allies, some were forced to do so and other volunteered themself because they believe into saving the Vietnamese people from the Reds.

But all the memories that were born during that war shouldn't been seen again. Talking about it was complicated for everyone......even for Bell. At that time in 1968, she was still an MI6 recruit when she was send by her superiors in the Vietnamese jungles alongside the MACV-SOG and she wasn't very aware of the true hell hiding below the trees. Everyone thought that it was a mistake to send a simple recruit in that place but no one volunteer to do the job and she was forced to do so, having learned to never disobey the orders.

After numerous missions she had with Russell Adler & Lawrence Sims from the CIA and after a event that changed her life, she was finally able to leave the country back to London, never wanting to return back at that place. She even asked Adler & Sims to never mention everything that happened in that war with her, wanting to forget that part of her life but that wasn't a promise well kept by the CIA agents. When Adler asked to be in a special team he was creating to track a soviet spy that they heard back in Vietnam, Bell knew that she shouldn't have accepted the job but it was too late to refuse. The first day, she wasn'r very happy when she learned that she will have to talk about Vietnam again and she make her disapproval heard to him but again, she was forced to revisit one of her mission in Vietnam......'Fracture Jaw'

Recalling the memories of these events were somehow easy for Bell to remember.....too easy. After that, that part of her life returned back again each night haunting her. Each time, her nights were very long to pass and difficult for her to remove all of this out of her mind. She tried to take meds to get her daily headaches out but nothing could helped her right now. She was forced to relive everything : seeing the bodies of american soldiers mutilated, some begging for help as they were missing either a foot, a hand, a arm and even a leg were the sounds of every memories she lived. She wanted to help them but her skills were too weak to do that & the worst that there were no medics around them, making their sounds painful for Bell to hear.

Each....memories....were like that !

Days passed and Bell was hiding to everyone her distress, she couldn't talk about it. To Adler and Sims ? She feared that they will worsened the situation to her. To Lazar ? She wouldn't want to share her pain with him even if he seems to become a very good friend with her. To Park ? She wouldn't want to scare her about her memories, fearing to threaten her feelings with her. No one couldn't help her and that was making the situation worse and worse. Bell was becoming a little distant with the others, getting scared each time someone was touching her.

After a long day of work, Bell was still working alone at her desk as everyone has decided to go to sleep in their own rooms. She wasn't forced to work, it was her own will. She wanted to avoid to go to sleep because of the nights she was making but it has been 2 days in a row she didn't sleep. Coffee wasn't helping her anymore to stay awake and she had to face the only choice available now : she needed to go to sleep. She leave her jacket on her chair and then decided to go to her own room, heads down. When she entered her room, she was dreading this moment as she was starting to remove her pants & shoes. For sleeping, she was just keeping her shirt on and her underwear because for a reason, it was very hot in the safehouse and especially in everyone's rooms. She started to sit on the side of the bed, looking at the wall, not sure if she wanted to do this.

"Come on, Jess, you can do this." She whispered to herself with her name, not the surname everyone gave her. That wasn't troubling for her to get called 'Bell' and she wasn't the type of person to object about that "Just try to think to something else." Her hands were going alongside her tights, trying to calm herself down and that seemed to work.

After a few minutes, she was finally ready to lay down and sleep. She removed the glasses off her head, putting them on the nightstand and was going to remove her watch but she decided to keep it around her wrist and then she lied down on the bed comfortably, putting the blanket on top of her. She grinned as her eyes closed, hoping to think about something else : it could be about works or even about Park, she just wanted to have one simple sleep here.....that was important right now for her, that's not too much to ask but hard to do.

The first hour went completely fine for Bell : thinking about everything and nothing that was not related to Vietnam. It was finally the beginning of a real good sleep for her but she shouldn't have thinked so fast about it because something changed. As she was finally completely asleep, she heard just one voice, Adler's one and that voice was too loud to not be heard.

"Bell, we have a job to do !"

And then, it was the start of her nightmare ! She could only think about Vietnam and nothing else. She saw the dead bodies again, the cries of pain of the soldiers around her, the flames consuming everything. Hell was back again and in horror, the event she started to think of was the one she never wanted to see again : the one that changed her life and that make her leave Vietnam !

Back in April 1968, Bell was stationed with Adler & Sims in the Khe Sand Valley in an US advanced base when everything turned to shit. The base was suffering multiples Viet-Congs attacks in a small amount of time, leaving the US forces no choice but to retreat to another secured position, the base was too much damaged to be used again and the attacks wasn't helping much. The extraction consisted of multiple Huey helicopters coming from time to time to get the personal to safety and Bell, Adler & Sims were supposed to leave in the first groups but Bell couldn't leave. In that very base, she had feelings since some times for a French volunteer nurse named Julie and she didn't want to left her here without her as Julie stayed with the wounded in another part of the base.

Adler & Sims had no choice but to left her with the few remaining soldiers as she wasn't going to left Julie to die here. However, their chopper was the second to last that was planned to rescue the others, causing Bell to go to the last place where she saw Julie. After finding Julie, she had to convince to leave as the last chopper was coming in soon but Julie refused wanting to stay with the others and to help them but as they were arguing, a mortar shell just hit the place the wounded were, killing all of them in a single blast as Bell was successful to grab Julie away before the shell fell in the medical station. Julie was traumatized and resigned herself to follow Bell, her hand grabbed by her to rejoin the helipad. Bell killed the Viet-Congs soldiers that was on their way before finally board the last Huey to leave this place....that was everyone thought.

This Huey was unfortunately the only chopper that will never leave the base area intact because as soon the chopper was on the air and nearly out of danger that an RPG rocket hit it and caused it to crash in the jungle. The pilots were dead, the other soldiers too, only Bell and Julie survived the crash but they didn't have any chances to escape : the Viet-Congs were already at the crash site in a matter of seconds and instead of killing them, they decided to take them prisoners and it was the beginning of the hell for both of them.

Even if she was a women, Bell was treated like the other male prisoners. There were no differences, she was tortured for days and kept prisoner in horrible conditions : flogged, cutted and burned. She was held in a camp guarded by the NVA but also, there were a small presence of soviet soldiers in that camp....and there were the ones who were doing the interrogations of the prisoners including Bell. The day everything changed, Bell was being interrogated by a soviet officer in the 'torture room' as the other prisoners quoted, tied up on a chair. She was already badly beaten by the officer : cuts on her arms, bloods on her face, marks of flog on her back.

"Miss." The officer was cleaning his hand, having some bloods on it with a towel "You could make your life easier by giving us what we want." He threw the towel away as he put his look on Bell, she wasn't looking at him and she was smiling. "So, talk !"

"You can dream, dipshit." She smirked, looking finally at him with a serious gaze. He approached her and put his feet by force on her barefeets, causing her to cry in pain.

"Stop thinking that, you americans, can be so tough !" He exclaimed, turning his feet around to make sure the pain was still in her. She calmed herself down, trying to ignore the fact that he just crushed her feets.

"I'm British, you stupid fuck." She laughed nervously "You can't make the fucking differences."

"Aaah, a british spy." He leaned to get at the same level of her head "I never thought that the British Secret Services will send someone to die in a shitty place."

"Heard yourself ?" She told him, sounding offended by what he said. "You don't care about your allies. You think that you, russians, are superiors to everyone."

"Did you really said that to me ?" He seemed very shocked "A british cunt saying that ?" He started to crush her feets again, provoking a little cry from Bell but she resisted "The British Empire though to be superior to everyone and now look at it : a Empire in the shadow of the American Imperialism." He removed his feet and leaned backward, standing up again but the only reaction of Bell right now was to laugh

"At least, we're still an empire." She looked at him, trying to struggle with the ropes around her wrists but she couldn't liberate herself. "I'm not gonna talk !"

"How arrogant." He walk to a table where he took a pistol : a Makarov and then turned around to look at her. "There's someone that will make you talk if you like it or not."

"Did you heard me ? I'm not going to tell you shit." She exclaimed, staying determined to not give up intels, she was well trained by the MI6 to not break under the torture and she wasn't going to break but if she was not going to say anything, the officer has an other idea in mind.

"Bring the French here !" He shouted loud enough to be heard by his men in the other room and sounds of noisy footsteps walking was mainly heard.

The door widely opened, there were two soviet soldiers dragging Julie on the ground.....and those bastards didn't go easy on her : her shirt were covered in her blood, two of her fingers were broken and her brown hair were all messy with blood and mud on it. She was an nurse but she received the same treatment like the others. Seeing her like that was giving Bell more anger inside of her and more determination to break free but with those ropes, it was impossible. After the soldier was fully in the room, they threw Julie just at the officer's feets.

"Julie !" Bell said as Julie hit the ground. It's been days that she didn't see her

"Jess." Julie was trying to get up but her legs were badly injured and the soldiers was making sure that she stay on the ground. "J'en peux plus."

"I'm sorry, Julie" Bell was excusing herself to not been able to save her from that situation and now she was paying the price of it. The soviet officer with this gun approached Bell and make sure she was looking him and not her.

"Each time you didn't talk, I asked my mens to beat her.....each....day." With his gun, he slowly moved it under Bell's chin who didn't flench "But I think that.....you two were close....close to be a couple and that was better for you to look at what you have done to her."

"Please, Jess, ne dis rien !" Julie was then grabbed by one of the soldiers on her knees, hurting her.

"I'm not saying anything." Bell exclaimed to Julie "Je te le promets." She finished in a perfect french accent, still threatened by the officer with his Makarov

"You better choose your words wisely." He got closer to Bell "You gave us the locations of the other americans base in the Khe Sanh Vally or....I shoot her !" Bell didn't want her to get hurt but she couldn't tell anything, she looked at Julie who was still holded by the other soldiers. She told her to no say anything and she promised her.

"Je suis désolée." She faint to the officer that she was going to talk but as he get closer, she literally spit on his face blood she was gathering inside her mouth, causing to fall on his back and to Bell to laugh nervously.

The soldiers were shocked by that and they, unintentionally, let Julie get free from them. She regrouped all of her strengh and the only thing that she could give was punchs on the face of the officer that tried his best to defend himself but the soldiers came to his help, he was giving insults in russian as Julie was grabbed again by the soldiers. He got up, without cleaning the blood he received from Bell and then....

BANG

He didn't kill anyone but he indeed shot Julie's right kneecap who cried out all of her pain....a loud cry that still can be heard by Bell, ringing in her head in the present day. The worst was not finished. As Julie was just get shot, Bell tried to frenetically get out, moving the chair a little from its spot but her moves were interrupted as the officer striked her with his Makarov, causing blood to come out of her mouth and her eyebrow to open widely.

"YOU FUCKERS !" Bell shouted over Julie's screams "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL !"

The officer put this Makarov on a table and he decided to walk back to the towel he used before to clean his hands and after he removed the blood, he looked at this soldiers, still angry. He throw the now full-blooded towel at Bell.

"Get that French bitch on the burning pole and tell Vadim to get ready." He then looked back at Bell. "She's gonna watch !" At this orders, the soldiers grabbed Julie out of the room not before she could say a last thing.

"Jess, kill them for me.....promets-moi !" She said as she was forced out of the room by the soldiers.

"Je te le promets !" That was the only thing Bell could said, in a weakened voice, unable to be heard by Julie, dragged away. She was now back with that officer, looking at her with disgust and that was reciprocal.

"She's gonna die screaming your name." He scoffed at her face "And you'll watch it !"

"I'm going to fucking kill you, you psy-" She couldn't finished that a soldier that was hidden behind her put a scarf on her mouth, gagging her and then, the same soldier moved her chair to a window, overlooking the camp and especially the 'burning pole' as the officer claimed. Julie was still dragged by the same soldiers as before, Bell could see a soviet soldier, holding a flamethrower in hands....Those bastards were going to burn her lover alive and she was going to watch it, helpless

She tried her best to look away from the window but the officer prevented that to happen by forcing her to watch the scene. He was holding her jaw while the soldier holded the back of her head, making her impossible to move her head. She see them putting Julie on the pole tying her up on it as the soldier with the flamethrower was getting ready. The soldiers finished and then get away from her. Julie looked around her, hopeless, the others prisoners was looking at the whole scene and they couldn't do anything too. Everyone was helpless.

The soviet with the flamethrower armed it and then was ready to shoot, Julie could finally saw that Bell was looking at the scene. Tears in the eyes, she could only cry, she was going to die. She gave a last breath and then with all might, screamed.

"JESS !"

And then the flames consumed her alive, the soldier firing non-stop as Bell was forced to watch.....she was forced to watch her lover getting burned to death and that was too much for her to see as the officer and his mens were laughing to that. It was too much for her....and that gave her the worst nightmare she never wanted to see again. Seeing that make her wake up in horror from her bed back in the safehouse. She was exhausted, all sweating from that horrible nightmare, trying to catch her breath again. She put her hand on the heart to help herself calm down as she slowly start to breath back to normal.

She looked around her, she was in her room safe but that safety was never there for here. She understood that it was hopeless to sleep again because she know that she will have to see that nightmare again and again. She sit on the edge of the bed, her head inside her hands, lamenting herself. Because of her, Julie died by her fault. That wasn't the case but she consider herself to be the one who caused her death.

"I"m sorry, Julie." She whispered "I was so stupid." At this moment, slow tears come out of her eyes and she tried to clean them with her hands but it was too hard. "Je suis désolée." She said, repeating the words she has told her back in that place, again in a french accent.

She then looked back at her watch : 3:20 AM. She only sleep for one hour and a few minutes. These few minutes was enough to give her the worst night she had since she returned back at working with Adler. Right now, she knew that sleeping wasn't the best option in mind, the best thing to do was to go eat or drink something in the main room before returning back to her room. She got up from her bed without putting her pants back on and then grabbed her glasses to put them on. She then walked outside her room, discreetly, not wanting to wake the others.

As she walk to the main room, she could hear some people talking inside of it, she thought that everyone has gone to sleep but maybe that was Adler or someone else still awake. It was too late to return back to her room as she was already near the door leading to that room. She opened it and then was surprised to see Park, Adler and Sims awake. The three, hearing the door getting opened, looked at the door and was also surprised to see Bell, half-dressed with only a shirt and a underwear...nothing covering her legs.

"Bell, you're awake ?" Park was the first to talk of the three.

"Yeah...uhm....can't sleep." Bell scratched the back of her head, fainting a smile "Just need something to eat."

"Hey, you could have put some pants on." Sims started to laugh as Adler was only grinning a little "You're gonna make Park blush." Park nudged him a little

"Knock it off, Sims." She was embarrased at that....and she was blushing

"Don't preoccupy too much of the two, Bell." Adler spoke, holding this cigarette in hand "Just take what you need and get some rest." He ordered to her "We have a job to do !" Bell grinned a little and started to walk in the direction of the fridge but then, she froze in place. She just saw the scene again : Julie getting burned to death showed on a TV screen in front of her that was indeed turned off.

At this moment, she started to feel that she was going to pass out but that wasn't that at all. She started to have nausea and she put her hand in front of her mouth. Hearing that scream and watching that scene was going to make her puke out. She started to look around for a bin but there were no one to be seen. She started to walk to get to the front door but everything inside her was going up and she couldn't stop it. Finally, she stopped in the middle of the room, unable to move. Park was the first one to see her in that state.

"Bell, you're okay ?" She asked as she started to look at her

But then, it was too late for Bell, she couldn't resist anymore. She got on her knees, removed the hand covering her mouth and she started to puke in front of her, everything she has eaten the past day and the coffee that she drank to not sleep : everything was going out of her mouth. At seeing her puke, Park and Sims quickly reacted to get to Bell's side, getting their hands on her back as Adler moved a little, not looking worried at all.

Everyone except was covering their nose because of the smell, Bell was not okay at all and everyone could seen that she threw up not because she ate too much as Bell was not eating so much this past few days. Something was off and that wasn't normal !

"Damnit Bell, what's got into you ?" Sims asked, trying to redress Bell back up with the help of Park.

"Nightmares....." Bell tried to catch her breath and to control herself to stop puking "Vietnam....that's the reason."

"You don't need to put yourself like that." Park said, she couldn't understand the distress Bell was in

"I can't sleep well since we talked about 'Fracture Jaw'.....I didn't want to talk about it." She breathed a little "I never wanted to." She whispered as Park & Sims helped walk to a chair that was just next to them.

"Sims, get an bucket in case.." Park ordered, he nodded and walked away as Park stayed with Bell as Adler joined them too "Tell us, Bell....what's the problem ?"

"I tried to not think about Vietnam since years and everything came back in one night, things I never wanted to relive again." Bell put her head inside her hands, not looking at anyone as Sims came back with an empty bucket in emergency but everyone hoped that she will not start again.

"Come on, just for that ?" Adler said, rolling his eyes "You puke in the safehouse because you think about Vietnam ?"

"Adler !" Park called him out, irritated by his annoyance.

"I was just eighteen when the MI6 send me in Vietnam and I saw things that I shouldn't have never seen in my life." Bell let some tears coming out of her eyes, she knew that she had to open herself to them if she want to be helped. "I was eighteen !"

"I'm sorry, Bell." Park slowly moved her hand on Bell's back to reconfort her

"I can still see her die by their hands....burning to death as I watched, helpless and I heard her say my name." She could hear Julie scream her name again....and again

"Who ?" Park asked

"Julie !" Bell simply said, her voice cracking just by saying that name again to the others

"Who is Julie ?" Sims asked but as he could see Adler biting his bottom lip and then he step forward.

"Don't you remember, Sims ?" He winked at Sims "Julie was the French nurse Bell fell in love with, she's the one where Bell witnessed to die, the one who was burned and-."

"Shut up !" Bell put her hands around her ears, covering them "I don't want to hear it, please."

"And nevertheless, you're still talking about this." Adler added, crossing his arms "You really need to know what you want, Vietnam is Vietnam, end of it !" That was something Adler shouldn't have say because after that, Bell got up, facing him in a matter of seconds

"What I saw....will stay in my head for the rest of my life." She poke him with her index finger right next to his shoulder "And you're the one who gave me back all of this. Each time, I heard your voice in my nightmares ! "

"Don't touch me !" Adler removed her hand off him without any hesistation "You should thank me for that."

"I should just hate you, that's all !" It look like she was going to hit him as she was clenching her fist but finally, Park got between the two, stopping Bell in what she was thinking to do.

"Adler, that's enough, you need to stop." Park exclaimed, her voice showing that it wasn't the time for a fight here, considering Bell's state.

"Only me ?" He pointed to himself "Just fuck off, Park."

"Hey doc, chill out." Sims intervened this time getting between Park and Adler "Better for everyone to calm themselves." He wanted no fight here and he start to have some doubts about Adler himself, there's things that Adler didn't say to Sims. Adler looked down, trying to not explode.

"I need some fresh air." He said to them as he started to walk away "Sims, clean up her mess and do it quick." He then open the garage door to maybe light another cigarette, leaving them under a big incomprehension. Park was ashamed of that situation, Sims more like her and Bell wasn't going well after that.

"Bell." Park get herself in front of Bell, putting her hands on her shoulders "Go take a shower and return to your room, I'll give you something to get better."

"Okay, I'll do it." Bell gave a little grin before she could finally move by herself, not looking at what she has threw up. Park & Sims were given more questions than answers after Adler's sudden change of attitute towards Bell. Everything she said was something that the two weren't aware at all and hearing this was reawakening some memories to Sims.

"I'll talk with Adler, I want to know what's going on." Park said

"Don't worry, I'll take care of what he asked and then I'll come too." He responded "I have also questions for him."

Park started to walk out away to join Adler as Sims decided to clean up everything Bell has threw up. That wasn't pleasing him but after what he heard, he couldn't complain about this. Park was giving herself a lot of questions : Why did I agree to this ? What's going on with Bell ? And how that memory found itself in Bell's mind ? After she got out of the safehouse, she look around to find Adler, he was just at her right, smoking a cigarette and he was looking not even troubled by the events like it was normal. After she saw him, she started to face him.

"Adler, I need explanations." She started

"Don't continue, Park." He was sounding exhausted

"You better give me answers or I'm doing what she was going to do with you." She clenches her fist just in case, looking angry

"What do you want to know ?" He breathed, desasperated of the situation

"You said that you only gave her primordial memories for the mission." She crossed her arms, not throwing away her angry face "And she's having nightmares of memories that shouldn't be hers."

"I gave her a life, that's the thing." He protested "She needed to have full memories of Vietnam to have this brothers-in-arms connection with me and Sims."

"You could have gave her everything except your experience in Vietnam." She pointed inside the safehouse, meaning Bell "But you decided to fuck up her mind by giving her that troubling memory."

"In fact...." They turned around to see Sims who arrived, it was him who talked. "That memory was mine." He was right, that memory of seeing someone get burned to death was from Sims himself "Why did you do that ?" He asked to Adler

"Sims, I can explain." Adler tried to say, having troubles to say the truth to his old buddy

"So explain." Sims crossed his arms "Why did you gave her the memory where I saw Walkins get burned to death ?

"Wait." Park intervened "Who's Walkins ?"

"Park, Julie doesn't exist at all, she was invented by me. I just replaced Walkins by that Julie." Adler justified himself, smoking his cigarette and keeping a straight face.

"But why did you do this ?" Sims asked again causing Adler to put his head down

"I did this because I wanted her to be disguted by having a personal connection to anyone." He said and after hearing this, Park looked away in disgust. He just saw her as a robot. "I did this for good."

"You're just fucking sick, that's all you are, Adler." Park exclaimed, not wanting to look him in the eyes "We could have avoided her to be like that if you weren't troubled in your mind."

"Julie was based on you, Park." Adler added "I did this because I saw you getting affection on her and I had to avoid this to happens."

"I was right : you're just a monster !" Park replied to him, holding back her tears

"How could you do this, Adler ?" Sims said, shocked by what he has heard "I didn't want to hear that memory again."

"Oh my god, you're not going to start too." Adler rolled his eyes, it was two against one here but then, Park has a sudden realization : she heard Bell said that she was hearing Adler's voice at each nightmares, making her realize that Adler knew well about Bell's state.

"You knew it ! " Park spoke, half-looking at Adler "She heard your voice before each nightmare." She couldn't resist anymore and had to do what Bell was going to do : in an instant, she faced Adler again and gave him the biggest punch she ever had. After the punch, she grabbed him against the wall, he just received a bloody nose. "You told her your fucking key-phrase each night to make sure she will not sleep."

"You better release me or-" Adler started to say before another punch landed on his face, another from her. Sims didn't do a thing to help, also up against him

"Tell me !" She was holding him with all her might

"I did this because I wanted to be sure she was still under my control." He defended

"By giving her nightmares ?" She reinforced her grasp against him "Just like a fucking puppet ?"

"Don't say that I'm the only playing her around." He laughed nervously, making Park's eyes go wide "You're also in with me.....Lazar, Sims, Woods, Mason, Hudson....they're all in !"

"I didn't agree to this and you knew it well." She said

"You're playing a dangerous game, Park. You're loving her and when we all have to tell her, you'll be the one she's gonna hate the most." He was right, loving someone like Bell was too dangerous but she's willing to play that game

"She will hate all of us for what we did, I'm not the only one in that case." She took back his own words but then, she released him because she prefered to not talk with him anymore but as soon he was free that he profited that she was looking at Sims to gave her a punch in retribution, causing her to fall on her back but still conscious. He wanted to to give her more but this time, Sims intervened by grabbing Adler back, he just gave her a black eye but Park knew that if she strike back, there will be more blood. Fucking hell, she thought, passing her hand around her face to see if there weren't any blood and then back inside her hair to redress them. She got up, looking at Adler in disgust holded by Sims.

"I'm ashamed !" She sniffed "I don't want to talk to you until you bring excuses to me....and to Bell." She then walked away, not even looking at Adler "Stupid fuck !" She whispered to herself as she entered back in the safehouse, she wanted to cry too but she couldn't. Because she listened to Adler, she was only feeling guilty for everything the team has done to her and when the truth will come out, she will take the risk to take the blame on herself.

Right now, Park only wanted to go to her room and stay alone but she has promised Bell to see her and she was going to see her anyway. She didn't know what to take but she decided to take a simple glass of water for Bell. As she was making it, she saw her reflection on a mirror, Adler didn't miss his punch at all. Her left eye was completely black, she was angry but it was better to stay calm even she had now a black eye.

After having filled a glass of water, Park decided to go see Bell if she was back at her room after taking a little shower like she ordered to do. She was redoubting that moment but she has to do it. She arrived in front of Bell's room and then, she knocked as she decided to make her hair messy to hide her black eye.

"Bell, you're here ?" She asked as she knocked

"I'm....here." She could heard Bell's voice, muttering, like if she didn't want to get any company. Anyway, Park opened the door to enter the room. Bell was sit on the bed's edge, her hair were wet because of the shower she has taken but her face was still looking sad.

"I took a glass of water for you, if you want." Park closed the door behind her and then walked to face Bell "I'm sorry about Adler's attitude, he's kinda acting strangely this time."

"Like he's always been." He tried to joke but she couldn't but then, her gaze fell on Park's messy hair, she knew something was off "What happened ?"

"Nothing, Bell, don't worry." Park tried to defend herself but Bell moved her hand to removed the hair covering the black eye, Bell discoverered and was literally shocked

"Who did this ?" Bell asked, putting her hand on Park's cheek "Adler ?"

"Bell, don't be angry but...." Park left out some tears "Yes, he did it, we got a little argument but please, don't go see him." She put her hand on Bell's arm, even getting her head more comfortably inside Bell's hand, giving both women a smile

"Don't worry, I will not." Bell said with her smile "I'm too weak to do something right now." She then left out some tears too. "You know, you remind me of Julie."

"Bell, please." Park pleaded to not hear it

"She was kind like you and I loved when she talked to me in French." She sniffed a little "She was always there for me....she's the only one who ever called me Jess, not 'Bell'." She then started to cry "Part of me wished to have die that day with her." She breathed a little, rolling her eyes "Je suis désolée." She said in a perfect French accent

"Bell...." Park's voice was too weak to be heard

"I should have die with her, it's because of me she died." Bell removed her hand from Park's face, looking away

"Jess." Park used for the first time her name "Don't think about that."

"No, don't...." Bell tried to find her words as she was troubled to called like that by Park "Don't call me Jess."

"You're not just 'Bell' for me, you're Jess Blackwell." Park exclaimed "That's your name !"

"Yeah but I'm used to get called 'Bell' and...." Bell was stopped by Park who put a finger in front of her mouth

"Jess, please." Park smiled "I'm with you." She then removed her finger to hug Bell with her arms who was quite surprised by her gesture and could only put her arms around Park as well.

"Uhm...Park ?" Bell asked, not sure of what she was going to ask. "Can....Can you sleep with me ?" She thought that she was going to scare her with that but again, she was surprised when Park landed a little kiss on her right cheek "Does that mean yes ?"

"I just want you to stop having nightmares, Jess." She then withdrawed from Bell as she removed her jacket "I just want you to stop feeling bad. With me, you're gonna be okay." Bell was very surprised to have Park agreeing to sleep with her, thinking that the feelings she had with the beautiful women were reciprocal and that kiss and hug was giving her the truth and she wasn't able to keep it for herself. As she was giving space to Park on her bed as she lied down, she turned around to not face her....fearing her reaction

"Park, I....I want you to know that....I love you, okay ?" She said, not so sure in fact

"Jess....I'm loving you too, that's why I'm still here for you." Park said proudly as she lied down next to Bell and then, give a little kiss at the back on the neck "We better wait tomorrow to have a proper kiss, I think." She laughed, referring to the fact that Bell wasn't ready for it.

"Ok, I agree with you." Bell responded with the same tone as Park wrapped her arms around her.

Bell was finally able to think that she was going to have a proper sleep with Park at her side. With her, her nightmares could stop to appear in her head, maybe stopping her bad memories from Vietnam to come back again. She was smiling because she was feeling safe for the first time to sleep. Park was doing not only because she loved Bell too but she stayed with her because she feared that Adler could restart this mind games at any moment now. She couldn't let him break Bell any further. It was time for both women to finally have a good sleep but before closing her eyes, Bell decided to quote something from Julie.....something that could only make her happy

"Bonne nuit.....mon amour !"

[wandas-sunshine]

Congrats on your milestone!! If it isn't to much trouble may i have (male) matchup please. My pronouns are she/her. Im a Capricorn, my Mbti type is infj-a/infj-t. I tend to be shy around new people but I can be somewhat loud with people who im close to. I have brown hair, green eyes i wear black glasses,pale skin and a lot of freckles. My height is 5'0. My aesthetic would be cottegecore mixed with oversized sweaters. Im not very athletic and im not a big fan of sports but i love to go roller and ice skating. I also love to read books and to also cook and bake food. I also like to garden. I've been playing the violin for 6-ish years. I love animals and im planing on becoming a wildlife veterinarian. I like to Watch nature/animal documentaries. I also like sweets. Some things i dislike are people who bend or ruin my books and people who speak over me when im trying to talk. I like "cozy" video games like stardew valley,Minecraft,animal crossing, the sims. Im not a big fan of fighting games especially shooter games but i do like specific fighting games like genshin impact and legend of zelda. I love music, I can listen to any genre and like it but my favorites are indie,bedroom pop and classic rock. sorry if i spelt anything wrong. Hope im not bothering you :)

Also hope you having a good day/night ☺💞:)

You sound super cool, I wish I was as cool as you haha. Hopefully you enjoy!

I ship you with Steve Rogers!

Steve would love everything about you. He’d find your aesthetic adorable, and he’s love watching you play your video games even if he never fully learns how to play them himself. Also he’d love working with you in your garden.

How You Meet:

You’re a kind person, and a firm believer in giving to those who are in need. You have a garden with plenty of herbs and vegetables, and enough free time on your hands to make food for your local soup kitchen.

It was a regular event for you, helping out at the soup kitchen. They knew you by name, and you knew most of the regulars by name in return. It broke your heart that they were suffering, and you constantly wished you could do more to help. It was another one of these regular days. You had your apron on over your outfit, and your hair pulled back from your face as you dished out meals with a sweet smile.

You were speaking kingly to a young boy who clung close to his mother, offering him a slice of the freshly baked bread you’d brought in that day when the door opened. You didn’t pay it too much mind, continuing to talk to the boy until the murmur in the room picked up.

Captain America. Or, considering the lack of his famed suit, Steve Rogers. He stood tall and proud in the doorway, a sheepish smile on his face. You faltered, looking towards Donna - the middle aged woman who ran the soup kitchen - who was already wiping her hands on her apron and hurrying to greet him.

“Mr. Rogers, thank you for offering your help.” She held her hand out, and he shook it politely.

“Happy to help, ma’am. I wish I could do so much more.” He nodded, following her back to wash his hands and get ready to work. In the meantime, you continued dishing out food and handing out drinks. It was odd knowing that there was a superhero a wall away from you putting on the same cream colored apron that you and Donna wore.

When they returned, Steve was placed beside you, giving out coffee, juice, and bottles of water once everyone had been given their food. The line slowed every now and then, some people trying to prolong their moment with America’s hero.

“It really is very kind of you to help out our little soup kitchen like this.” You said after a few moments, looking up at him with a smile. He smiled back.

“Everyone deserves to be helped. I just want to do my part. I’m no more special than anyone else that helps places like this.” He confessed. It was hard to say if his words were more than an act, but you wholeheartedly wanted to believe that they were true. You held out your hand, and he shook it firmly.

The two of you chatted for a long time, smiles on your face as you worked. He found it increasingly endearing how you introduced every regular as your friends to the handsome blonde.

When time finally came for you to par ways, Steve stopped you outside. You turned to look at him again, lifting your bag higher onto your shoulder. He looked nervous, avoiding your eye as he asked if he could see you again. You flashed him a knowing grin.

“Sure you can. I’m here every Thursday.” You shrugged. “It was nice meeting you, Mr. Rogers. Let’s do this again sometime.”

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Can you write something where reader and Roman goes on a vacation but Roman barely pays attention to her and basically takes there relationship for granted by paying attention to other girls. Then reader snaps when he doesn’t come to the hotel room all night. She buys an early plane ticket back to HG and tells Roman there over since he wants to cheat and not pay attention to her. Then a week and half goes by where the reader doesn’t speak to him and his assistant calls reader and tells her to..

You swore If he bought one more round for his group of giggling, nearly naked “friends” at the pool on your vacation, you we’re leaving. The weekend get away you had planned and worried over for the past 3 months, trying to make both your busy schedules work together. This was supposed to be a bonding one on one time, but as soon as you arrived, what could pass for the swedish swimsuit team hadn’t left your boyfriends side.

Initially you thought they were just some brazen whores, with dollar signs in their eyes, and air in their heads going for the famous billionaire, and although that still accurately described them, they apparaently knew him. How Roman knew half a dozen supermodel swimsuit models was beyond you, but not in the least shocking.

“Why weren’t you at the show this year? I looked for you.” Poofy lipped Barbie asked as she ran a finger down his bare arm. “I was so sad, ask anyone.” She finished with an alluring pout.

You were gonna pull her fucking hair out.

“Oh she is telling you zee truth handsome! She looked so pouty. And not just cuz her lips too.” The other platinum blonde in the group whined. Of course she was French.

“You know I’m a busy man. I can’t go to every Victoria’s Secret show they put on. Even if all my favorite models are there waiting for me to kidnap them afterwards.” He drawled sexily as he winked at them and smirked.

That was it. You we’re leaving! But you weren’t going to make a scene. You wouldn’t give these bitches the satisfaction. You took a few calming breaths and walked up in front of Roman to remind him who he came with. Flashing your brightest smile, you got on you tip toes and whispered in his ear, “you were right. I should of worn my suit under this dress. I’m gonna go throw it on and be right back. Don’t get lost! Do you need anything from the room?” You looked up in his beautiful green eyes and refused to show any of the heartbreak you currently were feeling.

“No I’m good. Already got my suit on and I’m ready to swim. Who’s with me? Let’s gets another round and then everyone in the pool.” He glanced over to you and winked just like he had just done to the other girls and it steeled your resolve.

“Be right back!” You said merrily as you caught the sneer of disdain clearly present on half the girls faces, directed right at you, just as you turned towards your bungalow. Just when you thought that was it, you felt two strong arms wrap around you and you were spun around to be kissed quite passionately in front of his little fan club. Pulling away, you looked up in his smiling face.

“I love you. Miss you already!” He said as he released you and headed back to his lounge chair in the shade. You always joked around with him and called him your little vampire, since he really seemed to dislike it, in more than minuscule amounts.

If looks could kill, you’d be dead from the glares you got sent your way now. Every woman there was as readable as a billboard, and hardly made an effort to hide their intentions from Roman.

Making your way to the little beach bungalow, you decided maybe you were being crazy and over reacting. He just said he loved you in front of a bunch of supermodels! Was it really a huge deal he was nice to them? They were his friends, and after the huge fight you guys had last week over why you could have male friends, it’d be pretty hypocritical to get mad now.

Throwing your suit on, and putting your hair up in a messy bun, you grabbed your sunscreen and giant sunglasses and made your way back out to find your man. It was kinda funny you were wearing a Victoria’s Secret swimsuit too.

Laughing at how exciting life was with Roman Godfrey, you turned the corner bringing the pool into view and stopped dead in your tracks.

Roman currently had a Topless supermodel straddling his shoulders, as she very Unenthusiastically attempted to get her top back from the other supermodel straddling what appeared to be a Calvin Klein underwear model or fucking professional athlete, in what appeared to be a game of chicken.

All of a sudden it was all too much. They were all too much. Too tall, too gorgeous, too fit, too intimidating, too athletic, too perfect. Those girls were who he belonged with. You didn’t know who you were kidding.

While you know that you werent unattractive, and considered pretty in a lot of circles, you were not a freaking supermodel angel or whatever they called them. You were hurt and mad, but you were also realistic.

No longer in the mood to swim, you headed back to the bungalow and felt like you stuck in a haze. Deciding to lay down for a few minutes, you soon were fast asleep.

By the time you woke, it was very dark and you were still very alone. Turning to the clock it read 11:52pm. You lay there blinking at the clock. It was too late to catch a flight home, but every fiber of your being had no desire to look at your neglectful asshole now ex boyfriend . You weren’t going to think about that now. Right now you were calling the front desk and getting your own room.

Thirty minutes later and you had all your stuff moved to your own room, a flight booked for first thing in the morning, and a sympathetic female front desk person that thought very little of Roman godfreys treatment of his girlfriend. As long as she didn’t give up where you were, you were pretty sure you could get out in the morning realatively conflict free.

By the time 2 am rolled around and not even a text message, you resigned yourself to being cast aside. Turning off your phone and removing the SIM card, you swiftly walked to the bathroom and flushed it before you could think about it. That would at least stop her from being able to talk to him or get messages for a day or two.

That’s all she could mentally handle at this point. One day at a time.

One and half weeks later....

You stared at the ceiling listening to your ringtone for the umpteenth time in a row. Whoever they were, they were persistent. Luckily you really liked the song your phone played when it rang so you just kinda zoned out and wiggled to the beat.

When the song ended, and almost instantly began again, you huffed and marched over, grabbing the phone without looking at the caller ID. “Someone better be dead.”

“Excuse me? Um. I’m sorry to disappoint but everyone here is alive and well. However I have to request that you dress yourself in something business casual and get in the limousine waiting outside.” The clipped unmistakable tone of Romans assistant cane through the phone.

Staring ahead incredulously, you couldnt help but laugh out loud. “Is he insane? I’m not getting into a fucking car. It’s over. Tell him to call Malibu Barbie and eat a dick.”

“Mam, I’m afraid I have to insist that you get in the car. Please I am begging. He’s been a nightmare. He said if I failed to convince you to get in the car, then I’m fired. I am actively looking for new employment, but I can’t afford to be jobless. I know this is unprofessional, but please get in the car and have lunch with the man. That’s all he’s asking.” The assistant pleaded.

You knew Roman was difficult and treated his employees poorly at times. You didn’t want to see him but you also didn’t want anyone to get fired because of you. And free food never hurt anybody..

Famous last words....

“Ok. I’ll go.”

[a-woman-apart]

Separating the Boys from the Men

Yes, that title is click bait, and if you keep reading, you’ve been warned. I’ve got a lot to get off my chest, and it’s going to involve defending masculinity, femininity, and our right to BEHAVE LIKE CHILDREN FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES because in many ways, we already do. 

Let’s get straight to the point. As Millennials, regardless of our age, financial status, or level of “success” (air quotes 100% intentional) we have been accused of being lazy, entitled, and way too enthusiastic about avocado toast. At the same time, we have been described as having enough power to decimate the napkin industry, the diamond industry, and the concept of traditional marriage. We have been accused of a collective “Peter Pan” syndrome, because we “refuse” to cut off papa’s apron strings and get off the proverbial mama’s teats. 

Wonderful to know. 

Let’s unpack the “lazy” bit. Supposedly, this is tied to the fact that we have access to higher education, we [often, not always] have parents who financially support or house us well into adulthood. 

So now, my question is, Gen X (the entitled ones, ironically) and Salty Boomers, YOU DIDN’T? 

What do you call that “inheritance” you received? What do you call that education your parents paid for that was less than 1/3 what we have to pay? For Boomers, how do you explain the lavish weddings, cheap [and apparently nuke proof] home appliances, and “nights out on the town” that you were able to afford by working at whatever passed for a McDonald’s back in the day? Working on a farm, at a grocery store, or in retail used to ACTUALLY provide a livable wage; for us, those are a “side hustle” and we still have to get a “big boy job” that usually requires an education that can put us over $100,000 in debt by age 30. 

Hate to say it, but if you hadn’t made most of your income “during the War” or in  the absolute economic boom that followed it, you wouldn’t survive 24 hours in our shoes before having an emotional collapse.  

Despite the disastrous living conditions of the U.S. in the 21st Century, not much has changed in how men define their level of “manliness.” 

Financial gains (stocks, bonds, portfolio, bank account) 

Bro “gains” (a.k.a. “gym gains”, how “Gaston” they are, including whether they want to go for the Adonis, Apollo, or Brawny boi look, or just how far they can throw something or how “boyish” they look if strength isn’t an option and they suffer from femme-levels of body dysmorphia) 

Body count (since we’re in a time of peace and not literally war, this is LITERALLY a modern term describing how many people you’ve slept with, and I have never heard an adult man, regardless of sexual orientation, who isn’t a little concerned about putting those notches in the bed post, and if not that, VERY concerned about his bedroom performance: it’s quality vs. quantity) 

Kill death Ratio (I know this is a video game term now, but did you know that before video games, men in England used to regularly get on horseback, get a bunch of hounds together, and chase down tiny foxes and rabbits? FOR FUN?!?!? Did you know, that before modern sports ((including Esports)), men used to just fight to the death, regularly, even if an official war wasn’t going on? It was known as “dueling”, and in less socially developed societies, men still behave like this. So the next time you complain about “male rage” and how heartless it is to make live chickens fight, note that even though we’ve quelled male anger and hostility on some level, you will NEVER be able to take away man’s urge to destroy. Boys and men will always like knocking things over, building things from the rubble, and ruling shit. It’s what they do-- and we women can and do, too, but we have a LOT more risk-aversion and self-preservation, which is a blessing and a curse for our species-- but we just need to make sure humanity as a whole stays...chill)

So what, say ye, has changed about how WOMEN define themselves now vs. in the past. I would say that very little has changed, but the level of internalized misogyny, insecurity, and good-old fashioned denial has SKYROCKETED. 

Let’s look at some terms of how the majority of women value themselves. 

Financial Security (few women will admit to “wanting to be rich”, because that sounds kind of “Trump”, but plenty will talk about having minimum income requirements for their partner(s), wanting to retire at a young age so they can “travel the world”, wanting to eliminate their debts, etc. It’s different language but essentially it translates to: I want to work so hard or marry into so much wealth that I never want to worry about money after age 35. #Hustle) 

Looks (it doesn’t matter if you want a Kardashian butt, you’re in the body positivity movement, or you just want to “dress like a bawse” women are just as obsessed with clothes, image, and body weight/shape/size as they ever were, it is just that now that we’ve “slain the patriarchy” we have more fashion options than ever before, because “boy clothes” are just as “in” as femme ones)

Ability to attract a partner (some women, like me, “chase”, but thanks to biology, most women, regardless of sexual orientation, seem to enjoy being pursued more than being Artemis-style hunters. This is evidenced by the fact that when the feminist owner of Bumble changed the rules of the dating website to where women had to start conversations with men rather than vice versa ((a move that had ostensibly zero effect on lesbian matching)) 72% of women that she later surveyed stated that they liked it better when men were approaching them rather than the other way around. I am sure Bumble’s female CEO was shook ((as was I)), especially because she made the change to empower women, and apparently 72% of women didn’t want the power because it meant they now had the power to face rejection, and it made them uncomfortable. Big yikes. So much for #EndPatriarchy and #ChivalryisDead ?)

Playing house (this is probably going to get me some unfollows, but I’ll take my chances. Women, regardless of sexual orientation, often seem to be REALLY into having babies or just “playing house.” There’s also men like this, too, “Family men” as they’re aptly called, men in love with fatherhood ((or just being called “daddy”, and that will never not be weird)). So many women who never want to pop out a baby describe being taken by an OVERWHELMING urge to fuck during their “fertile window” ((or is that just me?)) and seeing every baby alive as the cutest human being ever once we pass the tender age of 25. The biological clock is REAL, and I learned the hard way that being bisexual and having immense fear of pregnancy and childbirth didn’t spare me from the awful truth of my biology. 

I really don’t want to keep making references to modern video games, but they seem to serve the dual purpose of being deeply satisfying and helping us to quell “problematic” urges, including that one to dominate and destroy the world. For a lot of women gamers, though, our choices ((on a broad scale, every #girlgamer is different)) deviate from men’s in some interesting ways. 

#1: We still love The Sims Franchise way more than guys do 

Not only do we love it, but while a lot of men (again, #notallmen) tend to build elaborate neighborhoods to extensively mod and destroy them in terrifying ways, I still see women gamers taking obscene amounts of time to design homes, raise happy little families, and cause TERRIFYING blood feuds by having Sims marry Sims from rival families ((I guess we’re more Shakespeare than we thought, eh ladies?))

#2: We make up most of mobile gaming

Most male gamers think mobile games “aren’t real” and I tend to agree, but a mobile game is invaluable for when I, a woman, have time to kill between the 3 jobs I hypothetically have and I and don’t want to whip out something like a Nintendo 2DS that is both unwieldly and attracts the eyes of every impoverished, thieving human being in a .5 mile radius. #RiskAversion. These games are often low-quality, mindless, and insanely easy, but that is WHY WE LIKE THEM. Our entire life is a job. #Hustle

#3 We also love farming sims and RPGs

While we-- and most male Millennials-- beg god to not have to birth calves, milk cows, or labor in the tomato fields under the hot sun, most of us have no objection to having our virtual avatars perform the same back-breaking tasks to the tune of cheerful chiptune music. Also, even though men definitely enjoy them, too, I have never met a woman gamer who didn’t enjoy a nice RPG; why do you think we’re such avid readers of fantasy/romance YA? 

We want to be transported to a different world, and if you won’t take us there, we’re happy to go there virtually ((because we probably can’t afford travel; we’re still millennials)). 

Ability to murder people who threaten our young or our partner(s) (Okay this one is a bit more complicated, but I’m just going to tell you a bit about female animals. DON’T MESS WITH THEIR BABIES IF YOU WANT TO LIVE. Human females, are, in that regard, just as savage, if not more so, than our male counterparts. 

I’ve never heard of any woman ((outside of prison, maybe)) who killed another woman for “looking at her weird” or saying “your mama” too many times. I’ve heard plenty of women threaten literal murder because another woman ((or man, we’re #progressive)) came too close to her romantic/sexual partner, or another human being threatened harm on our kids or our “squad.” 

I don’t know where the meme truly originated from, but “Don’t talk to me or my son ever again” is SUCH a Mom thing to say. So much misandry is wrapped up in the idea that men are predators, and that is true, but not in the excessively sexually deviant ways you think ((that’s only sometimes true)). They just like hunting things, including people, but if you give them a toy to play with ((I MEAN ACTUAL TOY OMG)) they seem alright. Let them go play with their cars, Xbox, [insert whatever] or something. They’re men, okay, they’re easily distracted/impressed/occupied. 

Women, on the other hand, have seemed to be having an EXTREME amount of trouble curbing that baby-making urge, or the Excessive Nurturing Urge, that one that makes you ask your grown husband if he’s remembered to pack lunch for work or if he remembered to pack money for his playdate with his bros, because he’s gonna need money at Six Flags and you aren’t going to bring it to him because he should’ve remembered, you reminded him 30093390 times. 

THAT’S NOT HIS FAULT. HE HAS MANAGED BY SOME MIRACLE TO STAY ALIVE FOR 33 YEARS. THAT’S YOU, SWEETIE. STOP BEING SUCH A MOM. GO BE A NURSE, DOCTOR, OR SOCIAL WORKER OR SOMETHING OMG. 

In summary...

What separates the “men from the boys” or the “women from the girls” isn’t the era that we were born in to, our economic status, or whether we’ve been able to “conquer” our biology. That’s definitely not possible yet, chiefly because transhumanism involves a lengthy, ethics-guided process, and even if we all turn into cyborgs, the goal is to become BETTER humans, not LESS humane. Societal advancements have done more in terms of making us healthier, less destructive citizens of planet earth than raw technology ever can and ever will. Rapid technological advancement, when not combined with respect for morality, ethical standards of living for humans and all other life forms, almost always leads to human slavery, widespread abuse of animals, sex trafficking, and environmental destruction, because the “rules of supply and demand”, when not governed by strong international trade laws, dictate that consumers should be supplied with whatever they demand, because the suppliers can profit, and their right to profit should be defended at any cost. 

So, in summary, I believe that “adulting” involves giving up on entitlement. What separates a truly childish human being-- regardless of their actual age-- from someone who is, in essence, “adulting” is experience, and how much those experiences serve to broaden that person’s perspective. It is an extremely childish, self-centered view, to think that you “deserve” anything for being “a good person” or, in the case of many a “woman child” or “man child” in media and in real life, just being “not so bad.” 

Grown-ups are able and willing to do something that is known as “delaying gratification” which is the simple ability to delay a temporary pleasure for a long-term gain. Grown-ups are also able to perform true “cost-benefit analyses” to determine if a course of action, business deal, or even relationship is worth their time and effort. Finally, grown-ups are able and willing and able to make an informed choice and stick to it; in essence, we don’t try to “have our cake and eat it too” we understand that once we’ve eaten that cake, the cake is gone, but we also realize that if we are willing to work hard and make sacrifices, we can earn the ingredients to make ourselves another cake to eat, even if we might need a lot of help from other adults in getting those ingredients (we call this teamwork and cooperation). 

Children, on the other hand (in literal and metaphorical terms), are very impatient. They get angry when things don’t go their way, and instead of taking the steps needed to improve their situation, they storm off and return home. It doesn’t matter if their home is with their parents, with their 3 roommates, or with their husband or wife, these people throw tantrums, refuse to communicate/cooperate, and stew in their displeasure until someone feels sorry for them and fixes their problem for them. They lack the ability to work through daily life problems and refuse to take any responsibility for how their actions or inaction contributed to their dilemma. 

There is one difference with an actual human child or teen, though, is that they have an excuse. Their brains are still developing, and they haven’t had the chance to live through these situations yet; these are new challenges to them. Even if they do have a “bad attitude”, with help from peers and patients, principled adult mentors and teachers, these cantankerous kids can grow into well-adjusted, able adults. The high levels of neuroplasticity in their brains actually make it so that it is easier for them to accept large amounts of sensory data and to learn from processing and practicing using it.

An “adult child” is someone who, more often than not, has been coddled instead of challenged. These people have often faced no significant hardships in life. There is a reason why, even after we have recognized the immense downsides of authoritarian parenting and have demonstrated psychological harms of corporal punishment for kids, we still call “bad kids” and “irresponsible adults” spoiled. 

Authoritarianism produces rigid, scared people who often struggle with critical thinking and self-esteem or end up being authoritarian parents themselves, but that last one is actually one of the less likely options. Children of authoritarian parents often develop Borderline Personality Disorder or become defiant against authority (shocker). Overly permissive or overly neglectful parenting, though, are parental styles most associated with producing narcissists, who often become authoritarian parents, because when their kids challenge them, they completely lack the patience or emotional capacity to deal with it and resort to “because I said so”, stonewalling and/or physical abuse as forms of “character-building.” 

The reason why overly permissive parents spoil their kids is because kids actually do need discipline and guidance, and so these kinds of parents produce kids who are outwardly capable and confident but completely lack any of the life skills to justify it, and when they ask their parents for advice they are just met with a bunch of hippie mumbo jumbo or told to just avoid the conflict rather than resolve it. These kids grow into adults who are still sad little kids inside, because they never grew up, but now they’re sad little kids who are articulate and well-spoken and now can-- and often have no choice-- but to con their way through adult life because they’ve maxed out Charisma and they have almost no points in Strength, Intelligence, Wisdom, or Dexterity.

The only parenting style worse than Authoritarian and Neglectful/Permissive is Mixed, in which a child grows up in a COMPLETELY unpredictable environment where the rules of the game change from day to day, and parents either give their children no attention at all, or they practically lock them up and throw away the key. Being raised like this is associated with the worse outcomes for the child throughout life. 

So, why am I now talking about parenting styles? Because, for all that we love to trash Boomers and large swaths of Gen X on this page, we can’t forget where they came from, so we cannot allow them to forget WHO THEY MADE. It isn’t an accident that even though we live in the times of incredible economic hardship, WE are the generation (and Gen Z, to some extent) that got hooked on reality TV, video games, and social media in incredibly unhealthy ways. A lot of us 30+ millennials are growing out of it, and a lot of us have realized that it is an invaluable (and damn near unavoidable) way of marketing our products and talents. We’re often self-employed because that’s our only option in most cases. 

The issue with Gen Z (who, while we called “Zoomers” now just all themselves “Doomers” and I think we should be a bit concerned about that) is that unlike us, they have no memory of “Before the Internet.” We remember dial up, we remember before that when you played outside untl the sun went down. They don’t have the privilege of being linked to that history. 

Now, we have to be the Bigger Person. It’s our time to be Grown-Ups. Gen Z feels really fucking lost right now, and hearing us whine about our parents probably makes them pretty pissed off, when some of us older millennials are the parents, aunts/uncles, and older siblings to Gen Z kids. Even if we can’t be mentors, we have to lead by example, because we have a responsibility to these kids. A lot of them aren’t stupid, they see exactly what’s happening and they feel incredibly hopeless about it. Greta Thunberg is still 16 years old. She shouldn’t be out there doing that; I mean seriously, climate change is accelerating, but it isn’t even as bad as Al Gore said, it’s still reversible, but the fact that SHE FELT SHE HAD TO makes us shitty people. ALL OF US. 

So you know, we all need to stop being hypocrites. We need to stop being entitled. We need to stop thinking this is about us. It isn’t. Not even close. We’re not important, even if our videos go viral or if we’re swimming in cash next to hot models by a huge swimming pool. America’s fucked up. I hate to sound Republican, but it’s because of our values. We suck at valuing what’s important, and if we don’t change that soon, it’s really going to suck to live in America. 

It already does.  

[gascon-en-exil]

Bottom Ten Three Houses Characters

I decided after a while that I couldn’t fulfill an anon request to do a top 10 list for the whole series, because it would overlap too much with ones I’ve already done - lord privilege is a thing that exists, and I’ve ranked those before - and because it’s really difficult to compare so many characters (~600 if we’re being thorough) across so many different games.  Instead I decided to go negative with it, although around 2/3rds of these ought to be totally uncontroversial at least in my corner of the fandom. Starting from the one I dislike least:

(Dis)honorable Mention: Anna, for putting in such a lackluster showing that she doesn’t deserve a spot on this list despite technically being in the playable cast. It’s not only the lack of supports, although that hurts, but also how obvious it is that the writers have no new material for her. Anna’s gimmick worked fined when she was an NPC and perhaps for the space of a single game as a playable character, and Fates originated the meta idea of making her paid DLC so you have to shell out real money to use her, but that’s the extent of her here too. As a unit she’s far from spectacular, and her paralogue isn’t even good for much but a ton of (mostly mediocre) drops and a tiny bit of context for that Pallardó guy from non-CF Chapter 13. Here’s a revolutionary idea: for the next original FE it might be good to have Anna back to being only a wacky dimension-hopping NPC shopkeeper.

#10 Constance - It pains me that she’s on this list, more than anyone else by far. I really wanted to like Constance, and at first glance she’s right up my alley as a haughty impoverished aristocrat coping awkwardly with her diminished status. I like the dark flier class she’s built around, and her default personality is an even louder pre-timeskip Ferdinand whom you know I love. However, it’s that “default personality” bit that sours me on her, because she’s got two of them. What could have been an interesting take on Constance’s struggles with identity and self-esteem in the wake of her family’s disgrace is presented in such an over-the-top comedic manner that it’s impossible to take her very seriously. It’s more reminiscent of FE13′s Noire than anything, and at least she has the excuse of a mother who performed dark magic experiments on her and fractured her psyche. Constance also supports Jeritza and yet somehow they do no more than lightly allude to their personality issues which is as much a missed opportunity as you can get with such a terrible character (see below), opting instead to try softening Jeritza with his fondness for roses. Lovely.

#9 Leonie - Fandom exaggerates her Jeralt fixation, although it does pop up at the worst times (see: her Byleth support right after his death). As I’m not very concerned with Byleth’s nonexistent feelings though this placement more comes down to general indifference. Leonie feels completely disconnected from the rest of the Deer, and although she’s a supposed reflection of the house’s more egalitarian bent there’s nothing connecting her to the politics or larger culture of the Alliance until you learn about her student loan debt. She really is best understood as a Jeralt fangirl first and foremost, which is why perhaps the most surprising thing about her is when reality comes knocking in her endings and it turns out she picked up her mentor’s vices as well. Jeralt himself would be even further down this list were he playable, but as he isn’t I’ll have to settle for side-eyeing all of his adoring fans. Which brings me to....

#8 Alois - Remember that dating sim Dream Daddy that people were talking about a few years ago? The one that willfully misunderstands what the term “daddy” means in gay male spaces to write fluffy dad joke-laden romances intended for a presumably not-gay audience? Alois is the spirit of that game personified as an FE character, which is not something I ever would have thought to know that I didn’t want. He’s got some funny lines here and there, but that’s the most you can say about him when otherwise he’s just passable midgame filler (of a unit type each house including the Wolves already has one of) standing in Jeralt’s imitation Greil shadow. I don’t even mind the platonic S support all that much because it’s still only Byleth, but it occurs to me that just about the only thing that would have made Alois memorable would be if his S support was romantic but he remained married to his wife. I can’t think of a time when this series has allowed the player to indulge in adultery, so even if it had been limited to an option for f!Byleth it would have been a fascinating option.

#7 Cyril - This isn’t about his devotion to Rhea, which is fully understandable given his circumstances. Nor is it about his performance as a unit which in my experience at least is actually rather good for a Donnel/Mozu-style villager archetype. No, what gets me is that he’s a self-righteous workaholic which makes for quite the grating personality trait. I understand that he finds meaning in his work and that he’s got some entertaining supports calling other characters to task for their terrible work ethics or ignorance of the lives of commoners (VW should have really dug more into his back-and-forth with Claude), but the lectures on not interrupting him or telling Byleth to get back to work are as tiresome as they are frequent. It’s petty I know, but one can only hope he grows out of it eventually. At least he doesn’t wear a pot on his head....

#6 Mercedes - Like Constance, she’s the type of character I wanted to like from the start. She’s pious pseudo-Catholic clergy, with a quirky thing with ghosts and some quiet lesbianism with her BFF that I can take or leave but that I know some people really enjoy (and also she’s bi-for-Byleth, but no one talks about that). Unfortunately as I touched on when talking about Marianne in my Top 10 characters list, Mercedes’s appealing points are sharply contrasted against her more annoying ones. The breathy voice acting I can mostly get used to, but her backstory is unnecessarily convoluted - three families and two flavors of evil adoptive father - and as is also true of Constance her association with Jeritza drags her down a fair bit. To this day I still have no idea what we’re meant to make of the Lamine siblings’ dynamic, but Mercedes’s eagerness to overlook her brother’s crimes and unrepentant bloodlust so she can coo over what a sweet boy he is deep down say some pretty odd things about her personal moral code. Maybe it was implied all along with the paranormal fascination that she’s not as orthodox as she appears to be, but the dissonance is real especially in CF where she gets a support line with Jeritza that tries to woobify him and affirms how much she loves him...and meanwhile in monastery exploration she’s wringing her hands over how much she hates the idea of fighting Faerghus and the church. There’s no through line here, and as justification for characters siding with Edelgard go this one is pretty flimsy.

#5 Gilbert - Similar to Cyril, I don’t dislike Gilbert for the reasons that most of the fandom does. Yes, he’s a crappy father, but as I’m pretty indifferent to Annette and to father-child bonding in general I can appreciate the fresh spin he places on the archetype of the devoted knight. In short, he’s a knight who wasn’t devoted and ran away from his duty, and his arc in AM is all about making up for his past failures both to his family and to his liege. This is an angle to knighthood FE doesn’t delve into often, and it makes him an explicit foil of Dedue as explored in their supports. The reason that Gilbert is on this list though in fact has more to do with that opposition, because I am painfully aware that had AM not killed off Dedue by default in service of self-insert romance Gilbert would not have had to be scripted as Dedue’s replacement both as a unit and as a retainer figure. It’s not his “fault” of course, insofar as one can ever blame fictional characters for the actions of their writers, but whenever I’m running AM and have to take those randomized supply run quests from Gilbert instead of the route’s actual retainer I’m reminded of how we were robbed of power couple Dimidue (in AM anyway - CF of all routes delivers on this point). Gilbert could have been father of the year to Annette and freely given Byleth his (grand)daddy dick and it still wouldn’t overwrite the fundamental problem that Byleth screwed over all three AM-exclusive characters in different ways. As to that, well...look at #1.

#4 Raphael - It’s hard to describe just how much wasted potential there is to this guy. Along with Ignatz and Leonie he could have illustrated the greater social mobility of the Alliance and the increased opportunities non-nobles enjoy there, but all three are mostly side characters. He’s repeatedly positive in the face of tragedy and remains motivated by his love for his remaining family, but 90% of his dialogue revolves around either eating or training to the point that he’s arguably the closest FE16 comes to gimmick character writing (something almost every FE is guilty of, but that has come under heavy scrutiny in recent years because of how much Awakening and Fates used it). He has a sweet friendship with Ignatz with even a bit of chemistry that sits in good company with the kind of simply affability he has with almost everyone he supports, but they have a no homo ending involving one of the game’s eternally offscreen characters. He supports Dimitri, but the bara content is thin on the ground and their line stands out as easily the least substantial of the house leaders’ cross-house supports. Even as a unit he’s lackluster, in the same repetitive category as Alois with nothing that makes him really stand out from the other axe-and-brawling guys. Highest HP growth in the game...whee. I’ve seen arguments that Raphael’s simplicity is the source of his charm, and while I can sort of see that he feels like he belongs in a game like the GBA or Tellius titles where characters have a much smaller amount of overall content to their name. In a game like Three Houses the sheer torrent of lines about food and training wear thin quickly.

#3 Bernadetta - see #8 here. To sum up, she’s annoying, her sex appeal falls flat with me and is frankly just kind of confusing, it bugs me that a significant portion of the Ferdibert fandom headcanons her as Hubert’s bestie when the man clearly does not do besties, and the most positive thing I can think to say about is that based on her habit of befriending known murderers among other things she might be a bit of a sociopath. That’s not very flattering, but at least it’s somewhat interesting. Oh yeah, and Edelgard setting her on fire at the Gronder rematch is good for a meme although I suppose that isn’t technically attributable to Bernadetta.

#2 Jeritza - Jeritza sucks. Everyone, apart from the small number of fans into Bylitza for some reason, is aware that he sucks. He’s a bloodthirsty serial killer we’re meant to like because he killed his father to protect his sister and also because he likes ice cream and kittens...and because he’s clearly mentally ill in some way and Edelgard is weaponizing his illness for her war which means all the murder is okay, I guess. Jeritza is like FE7 Karel if he was somewhat important to the plot and that instead of a redemption arc between games he got Karla and some other characters swearing that he’s really sweet deep down and also he can romance the male self-insert - yay. I love the line of thinking sometimes espoused in anti circles that M/M Bylitza is the only non-Problematic™ Byleth ship because he’s their only gay romantic S rank partner who’s not one of their students, a loli, or Rhea who is obviously the most evil character in the game. As I’ve mentioned above Jeritza also makes other characters he supports worse by association, although he’s not quite as bad in that regard as #1. Do I even need to bring up the painfully affected voice acting? It’s ironic that the vocal director for the English localization turns in unquestionably the worst performance among the named cast, and I have to assume he picked the role for himself solely because he sounds like an imposing Death Knight and not because his voice is at all suited to the troubled twunk underneath the armor. Just about the only thing that would have salvaged Jeritza for me would be if he and Hubert got to have an epic competition to determine once and for all which of them is more evil. Hubert would wipe the floor with this poser.

#1 Byleth - see here at the bottom. They fail as a self-insert, they fail to be a properly realized character even more than previous Avatars, they damage other characterizations and arcs all over the place, and Three Houses overall would have been vastly improved if they didn’t exist or at least weren’t the PoV character. In that previous post I listed just two reasons why I still prefer Byleth to Robin as an Avatar, one being that their significance to the plot is set up before the game even begins and the other being that their lack of a voice makes f!Byleth a less obtrusive presence when it came time for me to have her S rank all the guys to fill out the support log...not enough to where I could treat her as a self-insert, but any amount helps. I do however have to add a third small bit of praise for Byleth, in that they apparently drive antis up the wall for the most asinine of reasons which is always entertaining to witness. I recall when this game’s school setting was first revealed that everyone in the fandom nodded their heads and made the easy prediction that there would be teacher/student sex because that’s just how FE rolls, but somehow still there’s outrage over it. Even so, Byleth is horrible by every significant parameter, and it’s a shame we’ll only be able to imagine what FE16 would have been like had the developers not felt the need to write the whole thing around an Avatar.

[crazed-rambling]

KR-4872

 Sometimes you just got to spend seven hours writing oc star wars fanfic because you have strong feelings about what happens to the stormtroopers after The Rise of Skywalker.

________________________________________________________________

KR-4872 hated this pillow. They supposed it was their pillow now but it wasn’t. Every night their head would sink into it then fall and fall and fall and the hull was breached and it was cold. So cold. They tried to breath tried to think. Think back to training, let the commander’s voice echo in their head. What is your directive trooper? But this wasn’t like the sims. The sims were always outside. Missions were outside. Not the ship, the ship was tasks and orders and training and rest cycles. And the grav had given out they were spinning, screams and shots reverberating inside their helmet. And they couldn’t breathe.

They slept without the pillow, kicked it down the bunk every night. They hadn’t slipped on their programming, even here even now, they still woke up well before their warden came for them, and each morning they returned the pillow to its usual place. There was no telling what was a test here and KR-4872 had not been informed of the consequences of failure. They had not witnessed a failure here yet, but it always came eventually and they would not be an example. Settling into the familiar at ease stance they waited.

“Kid? You all ready to go?” A woman’s voice sounded through the doors; their warden had arrived. Originally their warden would not come in without a verbal response, another example of these rebels’ weakness, but KR-4872 was a good trooper and would starve before giving in to rebel scum not matter their pitiful attempts at coaxing. Three silent days later they stopped waiting for a response, but the question allowed them chance to switch from them at ease to at attention stance before the warden opened the doors. KR-4872 refused to salute them each morning as though they were their unit leader, but they wouldn’t let anyone, even rebels, think they were a defective trooper.

Their warden was a slight woman, seemingly unarmed, but they didn’t like their chances against her. For all KR-4872’s training they had significantly less reach which would be detrimental in a close quarters fight, and once they’d seen the warden working on the rebel ships they’d given all hope of a physical assault. With her dark skin and coiled hair and her smile, the warden looked somewhat like YS-8251 had under their helmet, after two weeks, sometimes it still hurt to look at her. YS-8251 was dead.

It was just as well, since the warden seemingly took pleasure in laying out little tests for them, telling them they didn’t need to stand at attention, that they could ask her questions, to call her ‘Amakt’. She’d clearly been ordered to make them break programming; the rebels were far behind on their interrogation techniques, and KR-4872 had been trained to resist even First Order techniques. It was both dangerous and deviant to allow any feelings other than suspicion towards this woman to develop, no matter what she tried. KR-4872 was a good trooper.

She still tried to make conversation, to get them to open up, ready to spill the First Order’s secrets as they were led through the corridors towards the mess. KR-4872 wasn’t used to answering questions about how well they’d slept, it was not important to the quality of their work, still this woman asked each morning.

“I slept well ma’am.” KR-4872 lied each morning. Yet these unnecessary questions acted as some form of distraction from the disorder of the hallways. No pattern or order to the speed or direction they walked, droids of all makes dodging around the slower moving species. Sometimes they even stopped to have meaningless conversations with people they saw. In the hallway! And everyone else was just supposed to walk around them as though they weren’t showing off their own lack of discipline. The worst thing was that sometimes the rebels’ eyes followed them as they passed. They weren’t used to being looked at, stormtrooper armour made them all look the same, perfect order. Perfect troopers did not stand out. The rebels had been looking at them ever since they’d forced the helmet from their head. One of the rebels had even teared up after they’d wrenched KR-4872’s helmet off, back when they’d found them among the wreckage of their base. ‘They’re so young,’ they’d whispered, turning away to hide the tears that only a truly defective troopers let show. As though they weren’t the ones who brought disorder and death to the entire galaxy, as though they hadn’t prolonged this war for so long that the order was forced to use cadets just finished basic programming on the front lines. They cried as though they hadn’t just hours before cheered as her unit burned. They’re so young hadn’t mattered then. It must have mattered enough that now. They must thought it would make them easier to break, that their unfinished training would cause them to spill The Order’s secrets. As if they were too young to have gone through programming. These rebels were naïve in that way. It was why they weren’t suited for bringing order to the galaxy. It was why The Order would rise up again someday.

If KR-4872 found the corridors distracting, they found the mess hall both overwhelming and more familiar than anything else in this place. The layout an inferior echo of the perfect regimented rows of tables where their unit had eaten their rations, but this place lacked any of the calm order of those meals. It was as though the chaos of the hallways intensified hundreds of times over as they stepped through the doorway; walking into the wall of chatter that spilled out from this place. Words, voices, accents all spilled over each other, combining into the sort of cacophony which left them scrambling to keep track of every sound. Combined with the sight of rebels sitting around tables, donning all sorts of colours, with seemingly no pattern in position, role or species. The first moments in this room always made KR-4872 feel as though the connections in their brain were all firing at once, in entirely the wrong directions, as they attempted to catalogue the scene.

Two weeks of visits had done little to relive the intensity but the routine their warden seemed to have set for them both brought a comforting predictability to the situation. They hadn’t had time to cover authorised improvisation in their training before they were needed at the front. Their warden did not trust them to collect their food, walking them over to sit at the same table under supervision of more rebels eating their rations until she returned with theirs. It was clear the rebels were trying to bribe them, letting a prisoner eat the same food as they did and such a variety at that. It had taken time to get used to how much flavour the rebels seemed to put in their meals, so much brighter and less efficient than the Order’s nutritional rations, an obvious ploy to win them over. But they would enjoy the benefits of their attempts while they lasted.

KR-4872 wasn’t sure who the rebels they sat with were meant to be, they were not the warden’s unit-mates as she seemed to be the only mechanic among them, they had none of the markings of squadron-mates, they weren’t of the same species which meant they couldn’t have been produced together. Besides the two other humans both being from Coruscant they had seemingly no connection between these rebels or reason that they should gather like this for meals. Still they liked the rodian best, he was quiet, nodding to them once as they arrived then leaving them to their meal in peace, occasionally giving them some of the sweet stuff the rebels called ‘dessert’. KR-4872 had not figured out what he was aiming for by doing this but he currently seemed harmless.

“So kid any progress on your name?” They liked the male human ‘Ko’ least; he always asked the same question trying to trip them up. Talking during meals wasn’t allowed but he always wanted an answer. They hated the question as well, it always seemed to be some kind of test but they could never work out how to pass. When they were first asked for their name KR-4872 had given their designation, but the rebels did not seem to accept that answer, asking them what they’d like to be called. KR-4872 still didn’t understand what the purpose of the question was, but at least there seemed to be no repercussions of giving a wrong answer. Although they had been assigned the temporary designation ‘kid’ until they claimed KR-4872 was able to come up with their name. They shook their head in answer and the attention slid off of them back onto the pale female human who he’d interrupted.

“So like as I was saying Ko.” They liked when the attention was not on them, the rebels were content to talk among themselves so long as KR-4872 ate their food at a reasonable pace. The first meal they’d eaten too slowly and had been asked if they ‘didn’t like the food’ or ‘if they wanted something else’, an obvious trap and obvious warning. They made sure never to give the rebels any reason to believe they were ungrateful; they had no intention of letting the rebels reprogram them.

“….overheard Conn saying he heard that the generals said that we might be getting more leave soon, ya’know since we almost finished cleaning out this sector.” These conversations didn’t really mean much to them but they never knew when these rebels would let something slip. “I can’t wait to go home; I just want my leave now. Two weeks in the city. My own bed, dad’s cooking and none of these kriffing massive jungle bugs everywhere.” So far they’d learnt far more about these rebels’ lives than about the resistance’s plans or any remains of the First Order but they listened anyway. They’d mention things KR-4872 had never heard of before, music and foods and cities and parties. They still hadn’t figured out the purpose of a party, or even what it was, but they were too smart to draw attention to themselves by asking a question unprompted.

“Forget home. I just want my own kriffing room to myself again; there’s no way I’m getting laid with Lin snoring three feet away.”

“Ko! The kid!” Their warden’s scandalised yell of their temporary designation was enough to snap them back to attention, orders should never have to be repeated twice. But from she simply raised on hand in their direction, a gesture they’d come to realise as some sort of apology for calling their designation, she’d said it was an apology for ‘startling’ them. But troopers were always ready to respond to direct orders, so they didn’t understand the need for any sort of apology, they also didn’t understand why she was so scandalised. KR-4872 had long since learnt the mechanics of reproduction and understood that one day they’d fulfil their duty to the Order and reproduce with a trooper of the opposite sex. The rebels overreacted to many things though. They had started to get used to that as well.

“Ready to go kid?” Their food was gone, their warden was standing up, smiling down at them. Their warden smiled at them a lot. Troopers didn’t get much opportunity to observe expressions but they couldn’t help but feel that when she smiled at them she was always a little sad. They weren’t sure how to feel about that. Not that it made a difference if a rebel was sad, KR-4872 was a good trooper and it was time for the next part of their routine. Return the plates to the dirty pile, then to work. Not that it was really work - they got the feeling that the rebels did not quite know what to do with a prisoner, at least they seemed to be the only prisoner like them, so they just left them under the supervision of their warden as she went about her day. KR-4872 mainly sat reading whatever manual or book someone had found lying around, watching their warden repair the rebel transport ships.

The hanger was never quiet, too many pilots and ships and mechanics all in one place, but in their corner when their warden was focused on her work KR-4872 could almost believe that they might wake up back in their real bunk surrounded by their unit. It was their favourite part of the day. But feelings are a weakness and troopers should know anticipation leads to mistakes. They should have known better. So caught up in their next task they lost track of their surroundings, asking for death on a mission. Something, someone brushed against their shoulder. Close. Too close. They walked into someone; they weren’t meant to walk into people. They weren’t meant to be in the way. The punishment for obstruction was three cycles of reduced rations. They jerked away, metal plate slipping between their grip. They could only watch it fall.

The echoing sound of metal on metal. The loudest sound.

Their warden was looking at them. The rebels were looking at them. The hall hadn’t gone silent but the kitchen and the line for food and enough of it had. They’d all seen. They’d all seen the mess they’d made. They’d all watched them fail. They would tell everyone. The officers would know, their unit leader would know. They’d know KR-4872 was a defective trooper. They were going to reprogram them again.

They were going to be reprogrammed.

They were going to be reprogrammed.

With every beat of their heart, with every breath becoming louder and louder, the knowledge reverberated in their head. And between each repeat was nothing but a deafening silence like the moments after a bomb drops.

The silence shattered, “Kid-�� they ran.

Out of the mess hall, right then left then left again. Which way to the room? No they’d find them there. They had to hide, had to get away. Couldn’t let them catch them. Wouldn’t let them reprogram them. They wouldn’t let themselves be emptied out again just to become a rebel puppet. They wouldn’t go back to that dark cold room. They’d been good, they’d been a good trooper. They’d passed their basic programming. They didn’t want to go back. They just have to keep running. Keep running until they couldn’t hear the footsteps behind them. They just needed to find somewhere to hide then regroup with their unit when the danger passed. That’s what they said in training. Just follow the training.

There! The next room on the right! An empty storage room filled with crates and rebel supplies. No one would think they hid here; they’d think they was trying to escape. It was perfect. They slid themselves between the gaps in the crates, into the small shadowed space behind. Too small for any of the rebels to pass, perfect for them. For the moment they were safe and KR-4872 buried their face in their knees.

Here in their hiding place it was dark and the sounds of outside were muffled just enough, like the inside of their helmet. KR-4872 missed their helmet, they missed the comforting feeling around their ears, how it protected them from the seemingly endless variety smells which just seemed to be everywhere, most of all they missed when nobody could tell if they let a few tears slip. They didn’t have that here, they let all those rebels see their weakness, how defective they were. Incapable of handling a single task, incapable of facing their punishment like a real trooper, incapable of even breathing. As though they were back, trapped in that helmet stuck endlessly spinning in zero grav as their unit was crushed and burnt around them. If they’d been a proper trooper they would have died with the unit, would have died before letting themselves be caught by rebel scum. KR-4872 was nothing but a defective trooper.

A shadow fell over the entrance to their hiding space, they froze still frantically trying to quiet their breathing. Look away. Look away. Look away. KR-4872 didn’t want to be reprogrammed again.

“I found her! Get Amakt!” They’d never heard the rodian shout before, he sounded almost frantic. They must not want to get punished either, they’re all going to be mad. There were more rebels now, they could hear them outside. They were all going to drag KR-4872 to reprogramming, scrape them raw from the insides until even their tears dried up. They didn’t even try to hold back the sob that escaped at the thought.

“Don’t crowd her!” Their warden. Amakt. Their warden. She sounded mad, yelling loud enough to drown out the crowd waiting to see them punished. They were going to be in so much trouble, they were going to get punished and she was going to get punished because of them and then they’d never get to eat that food again, and they’d never hear about the city or music and the rodian would never give them the sweet food. They’d ruined it all.

“Kid? You ok?” Her voice was quieter, closer now too. The shadows above her had moved away and through their teary eyes they saw her face at the entrance to their hiding place. An expression KR-4872 couldn’t quite understand on her face. Something like fear and sadness, not the type they felt when they got punished but the type they felt as they watched YS-8251 being taken for reprogramming.

“It’s me, Amakt. You can come out.” She was talking to them as though they were one of those wild weasel-like creatures that wondered in the from the jungle. Something weak and afraid. Maybe that’s what they were. It wasn’t like they were a proper trooper. Even the rebels could tell.

“You’re not in trouble. No one’s mad at you. It’s all been cleaned up, it’s all fixed.” Lies! They saw, they all know KR-4872 is defective now, the rebels knew they were weak. They were going to drag them off into one of those cold dark room to take all their secrets then wipe them clean after. If they didn’t just dispose of them once their use was up.

“Please come out. I just want to know you’re ok.” They were defective! How could they be ok? What did it matter if a defective trooper was ok? They could still feel snot and tears dripping onto their knees, they weren’t a proper trooper. Proper troopers didn’t hide away and cry like children.

“Everyone else has gone, it’s just us.” The shadows were gone, they couldn’t hear them either. The base was quiet for once in a way it never seemed to be, no chatter echoing off the walls. For a moment maybe it was just the two of them. Maybe they could leave, they might be able to get past her, find a new hiding place. But that wouldn’t work. They know that wouldn’t work. She’s taller and stronger and she has them trapped.

“We can go back to your room if you want kid. Or I could show you some of the X-wings in the hanger? We can do what you want today, ok?” It was clearly a trap. She’d noticed them looking at the X-wings across the hanger, they’d been too obvious, too childish. They should have kept their eyes front and centre. Trooper’s eyes didn’t wander. They didn’t get distracted by ships they’d never seen up close, decked in colourful paints so unlike the uniform TIE fighters they were used to. She’d noticed them and now she was using it against them, trying to lure them out with false promises only to spring the trap the moment they left their safe place.

“Whatever you want today kid. Just say the word.” But she sounded almost desperate, she’d never spoken to them like that before. No one had begged KR-4872 to do anything before, they were a trooper, they followed orders. But it didn’t matter because it was clearly a trap. They’d got too comfortable around these rebels, let their guard down. And now it was all crashing down.

But what if she was telling the truth? What if she was worried about them? Maybe they wouldn’t get reprogrammed. That was stupid, KR-4872 shouldn’t be so stupid and naïve, it was obviously a test. But they were already trapped, the rebels had them, the only way out was toward her. There was no need to lie to them. And if there was no need to lie then it was the truth? No! This was all a tactic to get them to come out so they could reprogramme them. But they were surrounded anyway, they could drag them out at anytime and they didn’t. Idiot! It’s to make reprogramming easier. They wanted them to spill all the Order’s secrets! But…. But if….

But if they were going to be reprogrammed either way….                                                        

                                              …maybe it didn’t matter if they failed one more test.

“Amakt? You promise?”