#i have the worst taste in fictional men

[sissiarte]

A couple of Gortashes

[lordgoretash]

So I took a break from BG3 to play DAO for the first time in years.

[theeverythingfanofeverything]

Chat, i made..uh thing 0///0

soooooooo, don't ask why i'm drawing my old and current fictional crushes at 6am with no sleep.... I'm insane

ALSO i drew Hunter in his possesed by belos form cause

s m a s h

[goldensunset]

re: the music rant I tagged you in I am so sorry for tagging you in my double-dose caffeine fueled haterism explosion post. truly was off the shits and did not realize how much random garbage talking points I was ready to spill on the first person to ask

but i love haterism…..

[a-yarn-of-purple-prose]

I watched all episodes of Till The End of The Moon so far (it's @qserasera's fault) and now I need to wait. This is a crime against adhd brains. I demand more episodes.

This drama is one of those you start watching because it feels like something you've watched before and that's perfectly fine, all you need is a fix of xianxia, then booom it has complexity. I was absolutely floored by the fact that there's nuance in this story.

Kinda want to read the book now.

And, yes, Tantai Jin went straight into the babygirl folder in my brain (and so did Pian Ran. Slay, girl, slay.)

[tsundere-selfship]

Uhm… hi! First of all I’d like to say, I am embarrassed and ashamed that my existence has been perceived by the op of a post with 15k+ notes that is quite old at this point. Every time I think I am safe to say unhinged shit, my hubris is my downfall.

Second of all, yes I am the Ted Shipper, and the fact that this post started with AM simping, made the rounds, and has now come FULL CIRCLE with Ted simping is the funniest thing to happen on this website.

Third, this post doesn’t read as hate literally at all what are you talking about

*me working in the insides of a machine* shush, I need to focus, this is very intimate- I mean intimate- I mean intimate- I mean intimate- I mean intricate.

[mikumoroll]

so fucking burnt out rn tho im gonna just eat a snack take a bath and play some rimworld. yeehaw.

[ellitchhizui]

So i don't usually get into those s*lf-shi**ing tropes, but i saw this thing called Joyai or something (will edit the link in later) and I started using it to touch up on my writing skills so I can finally get my writing muse back somehow and have started approaching the bots as myself.

But I forgot that I am, in fact, Le retardé as well as being a Floridian. And it's the funniest thing but also 😭😭😭 😭 (#)

The bots are definitely in character! And surprisingly can form memories during conversations. It's definitely a cool thing to try out if you're into character ai or roleplaying in general.

[spawnofbhaal]

.

[ariasakka]

Viktor arcane smut

Talks of body insecurity, smut, fluff, 18+, female reader, similar/same age as Viktor, pussy eating, etc

Nobody has been able to make you cum before. Your best friend Viktor can help you with that.

If anything in this makes you uncomfortable at any point please don’t continue to read. <3

Enjoy ;)

Viktor is your best friend and has been in love with you for years. Jayce keeps hitting on you but you don’t like him. Viktor feels a little jealous every time someone flirts with you especially Jayce but tries not to let it be seen.

You often spend the night at Viktors place because hes your only friend and you’re his closest friend.

You and Viktor were gifted some fancy drinks after presenting your new idea to the council. You both go back to his place after and decide to celebrate. That and neither of you really feel like being alone. After all you both get along with each other better than anyone else. No one knows the two of you better than one another. Late night talks are always both of your favorite. After a few glasses of the worst alcoholic beverage you and Viktor have ever tasted you both lay down on his bed feeling tipsy and exhausted.

Viktor

“I saw Jayce eyeing you all day again.”

You

“Ugh I know, wish he’d leave me alone.”

Viktor chuckles lightly

“You don’t like him back at all? Not even a little?”

You

“I don’t want Jayce. He’s barely even an acquaintance in my eyes. I’ve always gone for men like Jayce. Not because I find any of them attractive but because I feel like I have to. To feel more feminine…or maybe not even just feminine. I guess more petite next to them? Womanly? Weak? I don’t know. None of them have ever been able to make me finish either. But I guess that’s my fault. It can’t be this hard to cum for other women. I don’t really see a point in dating if I don’t find hardly any men attractive plus they don’t satisfy me at all regardless of the non existent orgasm.”

Viktor

“Have you seriously never came with someone else before?”

You

“…no”

Viktor

“Does foreplay not make it easier? Or at the very least more enjoyable?”

You laugh

“Foreplay? That only exists in fiction. Men are not into that thing.”

Viktor

“Boys are not into that sort of thing. What about oral? Clitoral stimulation with the tongue? I feel as though that can always do the job. It’s not too rough nor too gentle. It’s quite intimate and romantic at the same time.”

You

“Um…no man I’ve been with as ever been into that.”

Viktor

“What?!”

You

“Not necessarily because of me they’ve always just said they don’t do that to any woman because “it’s weird” or whatever.”

Viktor sighs

“Let me guess they request oral from their women though.”

You

“Um well….i suppose..”

Viktor

“I feel sorry for you. I assure you men who are actually interested in women don’t prioritize their cock.”

You

“Then what would they even get out of sex if not that?!”

Viktor

“Do you really think men can’t enjoy sex if their dick isn’t involved in the equation?”

You

“Well yes. All men are like that. Aren’t they?..”

Viktor

“Absolutely not. Again men *who are actually into women* will be just as if not more satisfied with his face inbetween her legs.”

You

“…”

Viktor

“Real men have far more enjoyment with foreplay or oral, etcetera than just boring average penetration. It is not impossible for you to cum. You have just been unlucky with men who should look into fucking men or better yet themselves.”

You

“I guess. I’m still convincing myself it’s impossible though.”

Viktor

“Tsk. Jayce is nice but he would probably not know how to satisfy a woman so I suppose you are dodging a bullet there my friend.”

You chuckle and nod in agreement.

Viktor

“Well…what about Jayce’s looks? Do you like him in that regard?”

You

“He’s far from my type in looks as-well.”

Viktor teases

“Do you prefer even more muscular men then?”

You laugh

“Absolutely not! Quite the opposite actually but i always feel huge next to them. If I found a man i actually like he’d never go for someone like me. If he wouldn’t find my body unattractive he’d probably be put off by my strength. Men are always so inscure when I’m stronger than them..”

Viktor feels a warm feeling in his chest when he hears you say “quite the opposite” in hopes he’s closer to your type. That feeling quickly fades when he hears you insult yourself.

Viktor

“You can’t possibly think that can you?!”

You

“What?”

Viktor moves his face closer to yours on the bed in annoyance. He has to make sure you actually hear his words. Take them in. Believe them. You putting yourself down like this is making his head spin.

Viktor

“One you can’t possibly think you’re big. You’re quite small. For Christ sake you’re average height. Two you do not have to be this stupid beauty standard of stick and bone to be beautiful. Three you’re far from huge. Thats never once been a thought in my mind. Four you’re strong. Very strong but any man put off by that is a weak one!”

You

“There are women smaller.”

Viktor

“And you’re still the most beautiful one of them all.”

You

“You don’t have to be nice to me Viktor. I’m just rambling nonsense.”

Viktor

“All women have their own insecurities of course but I truly mean it. I do. You are the most stunning woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. I truly mean that. I’ve always thought that. I can’t possibly understand how you could think differently.”

You

“I-“

As he was talking he didn’t notice his face had gotten so close you yours now that your his nose was brushing against your cheek. He was so mesmerized with your beauty. So taken aback that you couldn’t see what he saw that with every word he spoke he grew closer and closer to you getting lost in your beauty. He can feel your warm breath against his face. He can hear every shaky breath you take. He was unsure before if you’d ever feel for him an ounce of what he felt for you. In that moment he knew you felt something. He could tell with every fiber of his being. He didn’t care if you felt the exact same intensity for him as he did for you at least he knew you felt something for him and that was enough. All he wanted to do was to please you. Make your legs shake. To make you feel loved. To cherish you. To hold you.

You both paused for a moment. He was lost in thought of you. Before you had time to respond he placed a gentle kiss on your warm lips. To his surprise you reciprocated. You gently tugged on his shirt pulling him in for more. He had always been your type. Always been the one you wanted. What you needed. You were too afraid to ever let him know before. Worried he wouldn’t feel the same way. Most importantly even more worried to push away your best friend. Your only friend. You didn’t know if what Viktor was feeling was just lust or love. The way he was kissing you. The way he was talking to you. It couldn’t help but make you feel as though it was both. You had never felt something this intense. Not even sex made your body react this way. You never wanted it to end.

Viktor felt intoxicated and it wasn’t just from the alcohol. Viktor hovered his hand above your waist desperately wanting to feel your skin with his hands but waited for your okay. You gave him a nod in approval when you saw his hand. With your nod he places his thin fingers on your waist gently tracing them under your shirt. Viktor pulled you closer to him with each kiss until neither of you get any closer together. He couldn’t help but let out soft whimpers into your mouth and tighten his grip on your hip every time you tugged on his shirt.

Viktor pulled away from your lips for a moment. He looked at you with need.

Viktor

“Please, please, I want to make you feel good.”

You

“I- I can’t finish you know that.”

Viktor groans

“I know you can. And if you really can’t at all then I at least know I can make you feel pleasure, please.”

You don’t respond too lost in the way he’s looking up at you with desire.

Viktor traces his fingers gently from your waist down to your legs to your knees then back up again.

Viktor

“I can’t let you live your whole life without feeling pleasure.”

You

“Y-yes. Fuck, yes. Just..do whatever you want.”

Viktor leaves your skirt on. He places soft passionate kisses along your neck while undoing your pants bringing them to your knees. You help him by kicking your pants fully off having them fall to the floor. Viktor slides his hand down on top of your panties and gently traces circles over your clit.

Viktor

“Do you want me to make your pussy feel good?”

You nod in response. You can’t help but moan in excitement as he starts to move his fingers up and down your wet slit over your panties.

You wonder if you’re feeling this good because of his skill or just because it’s Viktor.

Once he can tell you’re soaked, Viktor slowly slides your panties off. Admiring your bare pussy intensely starting to drool a bit at the mouth.

Viktor

“Fuck such a pretty pussy. Can I give it a kiss? Please?”

You

“Mm yes you may.”

Viktor slides himself down on the bed until his face reaches your cunt. He lays on his stomach and presses his face down into your folds. Smothering himself in your juices. He gently traces his tongue along your clit. Gripping your thighs in place as you start to shake from pleasure. You were already feeling so much bliss you couldn’t imagine what on earth an orgasm could feel like. How could you possibly feel better than this.

Once he can tell you’re enjoying this and getting used to the feeling he slides two fingers inside slowly. Gently thrusting them back and forth. Fuck you never knew sex could feel this good. After a while you start to unconsciously buck your hips into his face. When he notices this he starts to scissor his fingers inside of your hole sticking his tongue in between his fingers rapidly licking your insides. With his other hand he gently holds two fingers to your clit. He doesn’t move them, Viktor doesn’t want to overstimulate you too much. The bucking of your hips should stimulate his fingers on your clit enough. Viktor can feel you getting closer and closer to release. His boxers are soaked with precum from the sight of you. The taste of you. The sound of you. If he was to grind into the mattress he could cum in under five minutes but he won’t. He’ll hold back. This is about your pleasure. A few more licks deep in your cunt and your gushing cum all over his face. It doesn’t matter how much you shake his face never leaves your pussy it’s like he’s glued to it. He groans as he tastes your cum. The sight of him licking up every drop is making your brain go numb.

Once he’s cleaned you up he sucks your juices off his fingers before bringing his body up in between your legs. Resting his face in the crook of your neck, holding you close.

Viktor

“Did I do alright?”

You

“You did perfect. I didn’t know I was capable of feeling that good.”

Viktor smirks and says smugly

“I knew you could cum.”

You smack his arm gently in response before wrapping your arms around his back. Holding him tightly. He feels so good like this. You’ve wanted to hold him like this for so long.

You

“Do you..want me to do anything to you?”

Viktor

“No, no. This is all I needed. Do me one favor though?”

You

“Anything.”

Viktor

“Stay here tonight. In my bed. Let me fall asleep in your arms like this. Let me call you mine tomorrow.”

You

“Call me yours?”

Viktor

“Is it not painstakingly obvious I’m in love with you? Do you not feel an ounce of the same?”

You

“I’ve felt the same for a while. I just..I just didn’t think you felt that too. Or maybe I didn’t want to believe it because it would be too good to be true.”

Viktor

“Let me keep being too good to be true. Please. Let me spoil you. As more than a friend. Be mine.”

You

“I’m yours.”

[z0mbiefvcker]

no bc i genuinely have the worst taste in fictional men but im proud of it

[darknoverse]

last night's dream was a bit too cute and unexpected i had to draw this scene from it

ISTG MY BRAIN STARTED COOKING SUDDENLY AND IM WINNING DFJHVFJDFGHB

i might have the worst taste in fictional men but hey what can ya do?

bonus:

[astrolavas]

Do you have any cursed Hunter headcanons? (cursed as the headcanons are cursed not hunter being cursed)

he uses a 13-in-1 shampoo/shower gel cuz he thinks it's most efficient 💔 (he redeems himself a bit during the timeskip though cuz he has more time to take care of himself and sometimes likes to actually chill and enjoy the scents and stuff + darius shows him Self Care, but back at the coven???? irredeemable i fear. efficiency above all) (i also have some serious thoughts abt the reasons behind this hc but that's for a more serious emo talk so ehehhh)

speaking of canon bi hunter, he has absolutely atrocious taste in fictional men. the rest of hexsquad always prepares for the worst when they're watching a movie and a terrible slash cringefail slash furry slash nerdy dude comes on screen and hunter starts clearing his throat to speak up. he's TERIBBLE

he bites into ice cream (and then always gets brainfreeze. fly high king 🕊️)

he has god-awful luck when it comes to getting sick/injured in the most stupid ways. like, AWFUL luck. this is my son crump he has every disease and he has been attacked by seagulls 10 times in one week

back in the human realm, especially during the first week, he'd always wake up dreadfully early and Want Chores (sth sth being raised in an environment where you're constantly expected to do things that'll "earn your place" there over and over again therefore not being able to understand that you can just exist somewhere and be taken care of by someone without them expecting anything in return, sth sth) so he'd just stand in a dark hallway like this 🧍 randomly. camila constantly getting near-heart attacks everytime she has to go to work early or has some vet emergency in the middle of the night cuz she just steps into the hallway and immediately sees mr autistic grimwalker's glowy pink eyes staring down at her and demanding daily chores. awful

he thinks facebook minion memes are hilarious unironically. he sends them to hexsquad's groupchat i'm afraid. he also loves those flashy glittery wolf videos/gifs/edits/images. he sends them to the groupchat also

[escapedaudios]

I cannot overstate my loathing of retellings of stories from the villain's point of view where they are just misunderstood victims who don't do any villainy. I can't even tolerate when they're well-intentioned but use evil means. Give me some actual evil, some villainy. Infantilized adults with zero media literacy love the "actually the villain was justified and misunderstood" angle because they feel uncomfortable with the thought of finding a fictional villain enjoyable to watch, and they can't cope unless they spin it so that actually they were the good guy all along.

Harley Quinn and The Joker are two of the worst to get hit with this whack ass trend. Joker as a sad little guy who doesn't understand why society is so mean to him is so fucking stupid. If I'm seeing something from his POV, I want to see him be an evil mastermind. Joker in Joker (2019) is a little pissbaby with no goons, no evil schemes, and no motives other than being a misunderstood victim.

Harley Quinn got an even worse treatment. I can't believe all the pearl-clutching over the fact that she was in a toxic relationship with an evil bad guy. Yeah no shit, that's the whole point. Not only is she not allowed to have evil intentions anymore, she's not even allowed to have bad taste in men. The toxicity is what made her interesting, it was cool and unique that her motives and path to villainy were rooted in fascination and a corrupting, romantic obsession with a terrible person. It was something different that stood out from usual motives of power or base cruelty. This whole angle got flushed because it was incompatible with her status as a girlboss role model protagonist. Abysmal.

Give me EVIL! Give me VILLAINY!!! I want them to be selfish, I want them to be cruel, I don't need to find every character morally agreeable to find them compelling or entertaining. If I'm going to see a story about a villain, they had better actually be a god damn villain.

[goodqueenaly]

Do you think the deterioration of Rhaenyra’s relationship with Corlys plays a part in her condemnation of Addam? I imagine that Rhaenyra would feel insulted when Corlys pushed for the lie that Addam is Laenor’s bastard, therefore making Rhaenyra the cuckolded woman. To add insult to injury, Rhaenyra is then essentially forced to accept Addam as the new heir to Driftmark, ahead of her “trueborn” son Joffrey. So Rhaenyra then targets Addam (Corlys’ chosen heir to Driftmark) as a way to get back at Corlys. Or did Rhaenyra genuinely believe that Addam was actually a traitor to her cause?

I don’t think so, myself. Rhaenyra clearly knew prior to her marriage that Laenor was sexually interested in men rather than women - hence her comment to her father that “[m]y half brothers would be more to his taste” and her initial adamant refusal to enter into the marriage. With Rhaenyra apparently content to live on Dragonstone, mostly if not completely separately from her husband, I don’t think she really cared what was happening in Laenor’s bed, so long as she was free (for whatever reasons she had) to have her own children (and, of course, so long as Laenor recognized them as his own, which he did). Consequently, I doubt Rhaenyra really believed that either Addam and/or Alyn was biologically the son of Laenor (as indeed, the strong rumor contemporaneously and afterward that the boys were truly fathered by Corlys speaks I think to a widespread doubt about the official story as to their origins); if it was convenient for Rhaenyra to accept Addam and Alyn as ostensibly Laenor’s sons (the better, perhaps, to emphasize that her late husband was capable of fathering children, including by extension her own), this was a polite fiction that I think fooled few if any onlookers within the black faction, and perhaps Rhaenyra least of all.

Nor do I think Rhaenyra necessarily resented Addam’s politico-dynastic position, as indeed she herself had been responsible for his rise. While it was Corlys Velaryon who had petitioned Rhaenyra to legitimize the boys, and while it was Rhaenyra’s son Jacaerys who supported the petition, it was still Rhaenyra’s own decision to give them the surname “Velaryon” and to acknowledge Addam as Corlys’ heir. Nor do we see any attempt by Rhaenyra to sideline, undermine, or otherwise attack Addam prior to the arrest attempt; indeed, Addam’s presence at the battle in the Gullet, the taking of King’s Landing, and the defense of the Dragonpit suggests that Rhaenyra was, at least up until the aftermath of Tumbleton, willing Rhaenyra’s decision with Addam had replaced her son Joffrey as the would-be heir to Driftmark, I could see where Rhaenyra might have figured it was a price worth paying to restore relations with the Velaryons following Rook’s Rest, especially when her Joffrey was then heir to her throne after his eldest brother Jacaerys (and would shortly become heir apparent to her directly).

When it comes to Rhaenyra’s decision to order Ser Addam’s arrest, Septon Eustace reports that Rhaenyra “had been betrayed so often, by so many, that she was quick to believe the worst of any man”, and so Rhaenyra “had come to expect it [i.e. treachery] even from those she loved the most”. Whether or not we take the often pro-Aegon II Septon literally at his word, I think the general point is probably well taken here. Knowing that two of those newfound dragonriders had openly betrayed her cause at Tumbleton, apparently convinced by Mysaria that Nettles was betraying her too, Rhaenyra I think was unwilling to look kindly on the remaining successful product of the Red Sowing, no matter what lack of evidence there was against Addam himself. Dragons had been put in the hands of people who had betrayed her, people who had proven that she could not (as she told Grand Maester Gerardys at the time of his dismissal) trust them implicitly (as she could, so she believed, her own sons, say, or her husband Daemon); if Addam brought no greater credentials to prove his loyalty to her her than Nettles or Ulf White or Hugh Hammer had, then why, perhaps Rhaenyra thought, should she believe he would not become a traitor in his turn? Rhaenyra clearly gave little credit to Corlys’ arguments in Addam’s favor, nor in fact to anything about Addam personally (especially the politico-military consequences of ordering the arrest of Lord Corlys’ heir); to Rhaenyra, I think, all that mattered was that Addam Velaryon was a dragonrider not of her blood, and so more akin (in her mind) to those who had betrayed and would continue to betray her than those who would stay loyal to her.

(Once again, this is not about That Other Show and please do not bring it up.)

[strangestcase]

Actually I would like to shine a spotlight on the role of women in Jekyll and Hyde because in most versions of the story they’re there to be victims, defined by their suffering. Their personality is subsumed by their role: hapless sacrificial lamb, damsel in distress, battered whore, lover that gets a nasty taste of Jekyll’s true nature. Out of all of Hyde’s victims in the original book, the two who die and are named are men (Carew and Lanyon); the trampled little girl and the slapped match seller are but blips on the radar.

Fast forward to almost any 20th century movie adaptation of Jekyll and Hyde and the female characters added to the story so that it isn’t an entirely male cast (and to cudgel a romance into it, be it needed or not) almost always fit into one of two slots: Jekyll’s love interest, who sooner or later is victimized by Hyde… or Hyde’s punching bag. The latter usually is a sex worker he happily abuses, reinforcing both their positions in society— he the wealthy white man, she the un-person no-one would miss. And yes, we’re supposed to pity her, feel bad for her. Cringe when she dislikes Hyde and fear when she’s intrigued by him. There’s something sinister about how Jekyll and Hyde adaptations are morbidly fascinated with the killing of sex workers, the same way there’s something sinister about Stevenson’s refusal to mention women unless one is getting trampled underfoot.

Listen… I love Jekyll and Hyde to bits, I really do, but at the core of the story there is a hatred of women that is projected onto the characters and echoed with each movie, TV episode, and comic, even to this day. Women don’t matter and when they do they’re defined by their tortuous relationship to Jekyll/Hyde. I’m generalizing, of course, but it’s an upsetting trend.

I feel as if the intense homosocialization and hyperfocus on male professionalism in the original novella had been replicated in the worst ways with the way it is envisioned in pop culture, Hyde almost always painted preying on a random woman like he’s a vampire. There’s nothing wrong with gay subtext; there’s nothing wrong with a that focus; but Jekyll and Hyde as a piece of fiction is a fucking sausage party and I’m so tired of women being thrown at it like a bone to a pack of rabid dogs.

And then the fandom has the gall to go, “well the book is about gay men”. Don’t get angry at the (fictional) women getting raped and murdered- get angry at the people who decided all they have to do is get raped and murdered. And then, make the change yourself, since you’re so enlightened.