#i have so much shame
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"i would describe the intricacies of how their lips part with accompanying frame-by-frame screenshots and how obsessed i am with it, but i think i'm already on some sort of watch list so i maybe just won't"
NO PLEASE DO IT
oh god i can't say no to you
i will also never see the gates of heaven
ok it's way harder to tell in screenshots but i swear there is actual movement here i'm not delusional. ok i'm not sure i actually might be delusional but anyway
HELP OK it's soo tiny but you can SEE her lip CURL INTO A SMILE IM SOBBING
and then the way he has absolute hold of her top lip and she just keeps slightly opening her mouth in a way i can only describe as wonderstruck. like. it kills me how happy she was during this
ok apparently there was less here than i thought but i still hope you're happy
#i do in fact have shame#i have so much shame#digital footprint#rayllum#tdp s6#tdp#the dragon prince#continuethesaga#giveusthesaga#asks
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I can’t believe I was talked into this.
#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#genshin fanart#zhongli#original character#my best friend made me do it#Holy shit these designs are so complicated#regret#i have so much shame#Why is the suit also a waistcoat
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#bwark#pkmn leaks#can we stop labelling a bunch of devs as terrible for literally just writing mythology that didn't even make it inti the game and wasn't#supposed to be seen by the public#esp the people naming and shaming the person who wrote them like jesus christ there's literal doxxing going on rn can we be mature#and like i said last night we have our own fair share of fucked up fairy tales and folklore in the west#so this discussion is giving the vibes of ''anime is uniquely perverted unlike our pure and innocent western animation''#like why are we singling out japanese mythology here lmao#ofc you're allowed to be uncomfortable with the leaks. i am and im definitely glad they were scrapped. but can we also be mature about it#it literally is not as big or horrible on gamefreak's end as people are making it out to be#it was scrapped for a reason. it was too much for this video game for children. can we move on or are people gonna make the same unfunny#joke about it#ask to tag?
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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How is Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves different from other blockbuster action films?
#justice smith#dungeons and dragons honor among thieves#dndhat#dndhatedit#justicesmithedit#mine **#there's so much joy to be had over content that allows viewers to have wonder and *like* things#without immediately being teased or even shamed for being invested in a make-believe world#*especially* because the experience of playing dnd is entirely about imagination & sincerity#it's about committing to your character and committing to a story with your friends !!!#and i am endeared ( clearly )#1k **#5k **#10k **
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#ds9#tng#voy#tos#star trek#star trek the original series#star trey voyager#star trek the next generation#star trek deep space nine#spock#s'chn t'gai spock#the doctor voy#7 of 9#odo#data#lt commander data#commander data#lieutenant commander data#ok data doesn't have the shame and self hatred so much but i think he has the inferiority and he has emotions fuck off#mine
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yeah so this was insane
#i feel like too many people reduce this interaction to jason being like ‘lol same’#but idk :/#this chapter is from jason’s pov#and leading up to it he’s like ‘people keep walking on eggshells around me bc of the the michael varus stab wound’#and he hates it so when he goes on deck to help out with the storm#everyone’s like wtf except for percy#and jason states how much he appreciated percy not treating him like a sick kid#and i feel like it’s echoed in this sentiment where jason could say so many things like#‘you should never feel that way’ ‘im here if you need anything’#but he doesn’t make percy feel alone in his desire to just…. end it all#which ik for some people that doesn’t work but you’re not a character in hoo and percy is dealing with so much guilt#and he can’t tell annabeth bc she’s a main aspect of that guilt#and he doesn’t wanna guilt her more and he feels ashamed and when he describes this he feels weird for feeling it#so having jason this tough guy be like ‘yo i understand it bc i felt the same way#that’s gotta mean a lot to percy#also insane how jason who also struggles to display vulnerability#allows it in one of few times in this moment just so percy this guy he’s supposed to be jealous about#feels comforted and not alone in his guilt and shame#and also it’s just insane how jason’s wanting to kay em ess does not get talked about AT ALL#and just seeing his mom and the pressure of new rome getting to him#like this scene is insane and i’ll never shut up about it#also ignore me i’m just finishing my reread of hoo that took all summer#jason grace#percy jackson#pjo#ashla.txt
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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Goddd give me Thomas, Martha and Alfred who were completely obsessed with baby Bruce. Martha who’s quiet but solemn affection.
Hand holding, polishing his messy cheeks after he stole dessert from the kitchen, words of affirmation, teaching him how to build confidence brick by brick. “No one is made to be insignificant.”
Thomas who’s bright and loud and bigger than big, who’s just pride embodied. Showing Bruce off at every opportunity. His love is savage by nature.
Squishing Bruce’s face and throwing him around and aggressively kissing him all over his face. Maybe biting into the chub of his cheeks a little. Bruce is like his extra limb.
And Alfred? From the second Bruce took his first breath, he knew. He knew Gotham would drown him in shadow because the little pearl was just too perfect. But he’ll be there.
He was the knight first.
#thomas having cute aggression 24/7 is something that can be soooo personal#very hands on dad. I think if you were a shitty dude who dad shamed him he’s just grin at you — teeth full and sharpened#‘you know I delivered my baby right’#but Bruce was everybody’s baby I think#like - I don’t think the Waynes had staff because thomas likes being a handyman#but the driver and gardener and cook and the maid staff need to have jobs so they’re there once or twice a week and Bruce is very much#their baby as well#bruce wayne#baby bruce wayne#alfred pennyworth#thomas wayne#martha wayne#pennywaynes
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Slip-Up
#i put way too much effort than intended hhh#I LOVE DRAWING BDAY ART... ITS A SHAME NONE OF THE BOYS HAVE A CANON BIRTH DATE#but yeah this is how i imagine how Soap and Gaz would learn bout Ghost's bday cuz bitch nEVER SHARES#also ngl... this is also based on real life exp HSAHSHASH MY SHS FRIENDS FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY CUZ WE WERE SO STRESSED ABOUT MIDTERMS#they bought me a small cupcake with a candle and this sort of blueberry cheesecake and it was so good!!#my art#2023#call of duty#call of duty: modern warfare#call of duty: modern warfare ii#call of duty: modern warfare iii#cod#codmw#codmwii#codmwiii#modern warfare#mw2#mw3#ghost#soap#gaz#simon ghost riley#johnny soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#task force 141#tf141#141#art#fanart#digital art
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baby👶 drawings. these are very dear to me rn.. 2nd pic is my Nelavis with @barvin0k's Varonur 🩵 last one is a baby bosmer and snow elf, hairiest of them all. although the bosmer was meant to be my girl Barletta too lols
#tes#skyrim#my art#oc#nelavis#barletta#😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔 babies are so sweetum ugh my heart is crumbling rn#referenced some anne g*ddes stuff for dis#i call them snow elves instead of falmer like g*lebor would want me to#i never really get to talk about my elf anatomies at length cus i'm lazy but i sprinkled some info in the first pic#altmer society is EugenicsLand so you could only tell if your child has 'good' traits when they hit puberty#ex. height and shoulder width is something very important to them#if you don't have those traits ur pretty much a failure#other elves have it easier 🤓#idk i still might make some kinda infographic for the way i picture them but umm maybe not who knows#on snow elves and bosmer the fur is still 'confused' when they're in baby stage and is pretty much everywhere#it evens out w/ age and stays on the back; neck; sides of face the most and in places where human body hair wud be#idk ummm..and i think all elves grow their nails out unless they're very intertwined with humans in their life#ex. my snelf elisif; she has her nails trimmed to be regarded as more human i guess#nails are most important to altmer tho and might be a status symbol of some kind... they like using them in combat too#it's shameful for an altmer to not have long nails for any reason but there can be exceptions#like my el*nwen that can't physically grow nails out because of burn injury#so she has fake ones on her combat gloves#it's cute#elf nails aren't as frail as human nails and are more like an animals claws (corny) but bosmers' are the sturdiest#and their nails are curved in shape. for U know. Climbing and stuff#cause dunmer and altmer etc. have straight nails. they can hit the nail salon
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mezalean smalletho won’t leave my brain
closeups
and also extra doodles because i’m going to goinsane
#my art#smallishbeans fanart#ethoslab fanart#life series au#empires smp#empires au#trafficshipping#i’m stuck in a boat help me#imso deep in smalletho hell you have no idea#i love mezalea so much you have no idea#i have so many smalletho doodles you have no idea#i could write an essay about life series joel i could write an essay about life series etho i could write an essay I COULD WRITE AN ESSAY.#the shame is i have been able to rant about my boat boy hyperfixation to exactly 0 people#damn you social anxiety. damn you#if you couldn’t tell i suck at outfit design. yet another thing i must work on#smalletho#forgot that one#somehow#oughehrgjsoxuhdgh#i lied last time apparently im still getting anxiety#im posting this now before i die okay goodbye
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I don't think I have the drive to commit to completing an entire webcomic.. and since my health is where it is, trying to develop the story is tedious and draining..
Though that isn't stopping me from thinking a whole lot about it.. thinking of ways I can make the story building process easier. Thinking of character designs and relationships..
And it's not stopping me from making memes about the story I've built thus far XD
#my original stuff#my ocs#i kinda want to talk a bit about it sometime#but at the same time i dont see the story develping much further with my condition#itd be a shame to spend all this time talking it up only for nothing to come of it..#but hey#i think what ive got so far is interesting enough#whats the harm?#i guess the harm is if i DO end up developing it i would have already spoiled the whole story-
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"I have many fears, most of them about Lucrezia." — Cesare Borgia (The Borgias, 2011-2013) + hints of insecurity
that she adores someone that much / if she will reject his dark nature and act of love and violence as Ursula did / if he truly is not part of her desires / that she easily forgets him
#i have so many thoughts on these two#hes such a clingy brother wth#as much as he soothes her it is only by asking lucrezia verbally or#by looking at her that his fears and insecurities in her life can be soothed#cesare torn between - being relieved she had some joy in the ruthless marriage he had no power to prevent and did not even want to bless#or being envious there is someone else now when his little sister once said she will not love anyone as much as she loves him#but Accepting it anyways because it is impossible loves and maybe he is starting to become aware his love falls in this same category.#“should i envy this narcissus low-born who shall never see you again because of his impossible love for you when i love you just the same?”#the knife more surprise than fear. in a time when he did not love himself...“she accepts me as i am? as i do her”#biting her as if another black panther pet looking for reassurance that their love#that HE is still included in her perfect world even if he himself pulls away#“surely you're in agony as much as i am? are you already satisfied with your child and husband if we cannot share our love openly?”#“your eyes drift to mine when you say 'husband' am i not he? do you see me as so even when it was just 'tonight'?”#and then his sudden gaze as if to look for truth because how can she forget him when he only thinks of her#AND AGAIN pulling away being eaten by shame and guilt of corrupting her (when their relationship is not just his doing)#torn between hope (we have the capacity to forget and move on) and hope (our love has that much devil power over her)#cesare as the god or the devil or whatever it is that overwhelms whether at war or in love#cesare is one confident man and even if his insecurities has layers of righteousness and importance..it is still insecurity nonetheless#and only for lucrezia#lucrezia borgia#cesare borgia#cesare x lucrezia#the borgias#dailyborgia#perioddramaedit#perioddramasource#weloveperioddrama#onlyperioddramas#romancegifs#the borgiasedit
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I love Taliesin for making Asha such a raw and unapologetic portrayal of godhood. She so beautifully embodies the dual aspects of Nature: the loving care and sacrifice for young and family, starkly contrasted against the brutal indifference of survival, the overriding need to do what you have to to live.
Does the tree care about the scores of smaller plants it starves as it blocks out their sunlight with its canopy? Does a honey badger care about the tens of thousands of bees that die as it rips apart their hive? Does the whale care about the hundreds of thousands of krill it kills as it eats? It's the brutal truth of nature: to survive, something else must be preyed upon.
There's something so honest about her philosophy towards humankind: they are our prey, in the end. They feed us. And if we need to kill them to survive, then we will. No fancy moral arguments about intrinsic evil, no set dressing about how it's for their own good, really.
No, just: They are our prey. That's where it begins and ends. And that's Caduceus's Wild Mother.
#caduceus and fjord: very much her pack. everyone else? not so much#i loved caduceus so much in c2#it's a shame he feels he didn't get melora's duality across as well as he might have wanted#i definitely loved that part of his portrayal#critical role#cr spoilers#asha critical role#caduceus clay#downfall#op#exandrian pantheon
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Would you perhaps… draw ROTTMNT Raph and Donnie hugging? 🥺
they're just babies 🥺
#okay this was so wholesome to draw tysm#healed a little part of my soul /silly /hj#realized i dont think any of us have drawn these two really doing much together#which is a shame cuz we care them sm#anyways ur boys#lololololol#rottmnt#wood wide web#mycel doodles#silly stuff
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