#i have so many other things to be anxious about and gender dysphoria is like... also there ig

[eternal-echoes]

“Below are a nearly a dozen different factors that can sometimes influence a person's sense of sexual identity. Rather than saying any of these things "cause gender dysphoria," it is more accurate to say that they could contribute to a person feeling dysphoric about his or her body. Some individuals might find that some of the factors resonate deeply with them, while others might not relate to any of them. The goal isn't to provide an exhaustive list, but to encourage individuals who experience gender dysphoria to listen with compassionate curiosity to their own story.

Pornography

Although many people assume that nearly all pornography is consumed by males, current studies show that approximately three of four women have viewed it within the past six months.(32) However, more than 80 percent of the most popular porn videos involve the violent degradation of women. When young girls witness adult women being humiliated, objectified, and abused, it is understandable that they might feel disgusted and afraid of sexual intimacy. When they see impossible standards of sexualized beauty, they are likely to devalue their own attractiveness.

How might these things relate to a young woman's sense of gender? In a survey of one hundred detransitioners, 71 percent of women who medically or surgically transitioned said that they did so because "[i]t made me uncomfortable to be perceived romantically/sexually as a member of my natal sex/natal gender."(34) A young women who experiences a significant amount of anxiety regarding her sexuality and identity might fixate on the possibility of becoming another gender as a method of curbing her anxious thoughts. It becomes an escape from sexism, objectification, and societal or romantic expectations.”

-Jason Evert, Male, Female, or Other: A Catholic Guide to Understanding Gender

—

Work cited:

32) Cf. M. Daspe et al., "When Pornography Use Feels Out of Control: The Moderation Effect of Relationship and Sexual Satisfaction," Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy (December 2017).

33) Cf. A. Bridges et al., "Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best-Selling Pornography Videos: A Content Analysis Update," Violence Against Women 16 (2010), 1065-1085.

34) Littman, "Individuals Treated for Gender Dysphoria with Medical and/or Surgical Transition Who Subsequently Detransitioned: A Survey of 100 Detransitioners," 3359.

—

For more recommended resources on gender dysphoria, click here.

[sharpth1ng]

I hope it's okay to ask you that. I realised I'm trans about a year ago. I usually say I'm a transman so ppl don't get confused but I'd say I'm more non-binary, just very far on the masc spectrum. I was just wondering if you also had like a honeymoon phase? The euphoria I felt was quite intense and my body disphoria wasn't too bad I thought I could handle it. But now the euphoria died down a little and I'm constantly questioning myself and tze dysphoria hit me hard too this week. I think it's the backlash of my family tho that made my excitement die down... I thought After the honeymoon phase it would settle in more comfortably and not make me more anxious. Sorry, now I'm rambling... You don't have to answer this ofc, but idk, in case you wanna share

Hey, I think what you're going through is super normal (as much as it's not fun).

In my experience dysphoria can be something that fluctuates for a wide variety of reasons. I'll talk about it and maybe you'll relate, but don't take this as an exhaustive list it's just based on my experience and I can't speak for everyone.

1. Experiencing transphobia, even indirectly or in microaggressions can trigger dysphoria.

This could be something like watching transphobic content online, or even something like coming out to someone and having them respond with confusion or what I can only describe as disappointment (yk that thing when cis people say they need to mourn the gender you had before). It could also be something much more malicious and dangerous than that, but I'm not going to get into that here.

It's an othering experience, it highlights your identity in a negative way, and it's easy to have old patterns of internalized transphobia wake up in response to that. Even now that I've completed all the medical transition that I ever will that kind of experience that can trigger older dysphoria.

Especially having to deal with family that doesn't understand or people who question you, that kind of stuff can really get in your head and turn you against yourself.

A big contributor to this lately is people fear mongering about how HRT will irreversibly destroy your body (it wont), and make you unattractive based on cis standards (it often doesn't, but why should we care about that?). It presents a medically transitioning body as horrific, and shames those who don't transition medically for not being 'real' (which is also bullshit).

Early in my transition i was confronted with so many people questioning how i really know, and it freaked me out, made me question myself constantly. It made me forget that I know because I feel it. Thats the only evidence you can have for your own gender identity. No one else, not even the most qualified psychiatrist, is able to figure that out for you.

2. Sometimes when you treat one kind of dysphoria you realize that it was drowning out another kind of dysphoria.

This happened to me a few times, like when I got people to start using he/him pronouns and my physical dysphoria got a lot more noticeable. It happened again when I finally got top surgery and my bottom dysphoria decided to get a lot worse.

This obviously isn't going to happen to everyone, but for me it felt like once I was happy with my pronouns and my chest, then my brain had time to focus on something that had always been lurking in the background.

I had always had a level of bottom dysphoria, but I think there's sort of different stages. Like early on you just feel sort of disconnected from a body part, then maybe you start to associate it with confusion and anxiety, and then once you realize that its something you can maybe change is when it really feels the worst, at least consciously.

Its not a new kind of dysphoria materializing out of nowhere, it's just that sometimes one type of pain can hide another type of pain, and when that first type is cured you notice the second.

I wouldn't go back on any of my transition. Before my dysphoria was hurting me in much more harmful and hidden ways, but there's a unique kind of pain that comes from allowing yourself to fully feel something for the first time. You can ride it out, it will fade, you'll find a way to treat it or you'll find a way to manage it if you can't. But it does really suck to get blindsided by that.

3. When you aren't binary or when you're fluid in either gender or presentation, there's a kind of dysphoria from being forced into an arbitrarily binary world that is hard to escape.

Im having a hard time figuring out exactly how to explain this one so I'm going to start in talking about my own experience.

I feel a need to have a masculinized body, and medical transition was absolutely necessary for me. I'd much rather be referred to with he pronouns than she pronouns, and the natural way I emote and carry my body is often perceived as more masculine than feminine.

All of that is true but I also don't know how to understand myself as a man the way other men are (this is just me, i know for a fact other trans men feel like men in the exact same way other men do). He pronouns are better than she, but it/its pronouns are the only ones that make me happy.

I don't really identify with colonial conceptions of gender in general. My understanding of gender means that I just don't think any of our pre-made categories are particularly useful because the traits we use to define them are mostly arbitrary. I don't like dissecting my identity along lines drawn by a system that doesn't represent me.

I tell most people I'm a trans man. I did used to identify that way but over time I've realized the language that feels like it actually captures me is 2spirit. A lot of people don't know what that is though, and I often don't have the energy for an explanation of the fact that our gender and sexuality categories are a colonial construct. When I do, it opens me up to hearing a bunch of anti-indigenous bullshit.

(Everytime I see a post of passing tips for trans men, theres a point about cutting your hair, like braids aren't of massive cultural significance for a lot of native men. And people will just act like the binary is innate. Natural. It's exhausting.)

All that is to say that most of the time I feel like I'm telling half-truths about my gender, and doing that can put you in a weird mental space. It makes you feel like you're fake, or some kind of imposter.

And all of that comes before even thinking about gender presentation.

If I dress in a way thats more binary or masculine I get treated like a binary man in a way that makes me uncomfortable. In particular women and visibly queer people seem less open around me, which makes me feel horribly sad. As a result I often intentionally dress in a more visibly queer way than I would otherwise.

On the other hand, on the rare occasion that I dress in a way that leans more feminine, the I get she/her pronouns (which makes me uncomfortable) or people notice my masculinized body and treat me with what I can only assume is misplaced transmisogyny.

None of these shifts in presentation correspond to a change in my gender. If anything my gender has always been the same and Im more accurately described as a transsexual, in that my sex needed to change, but that doesn't really have anything to do with affirming my gender.

All of this is fucking confusing. Depending on how I present on any given day I can have different weird kinds of dysphoria get triggered, simply because when you're gender non-conforming at all you get othered. Even when i'm in a more binary masculine outfit I feel out of place because I know my internal experience doesn't match what people see when they look at me.

All of that is really long winded, and I don't even know if I'm expressing it properly, but the point I'm trying to illustrate is that the mere experience of being measured up to a binary gender when you aren't binary can be confusing and dysphoria inducing.

Its also important to remember that cis people experience gender dysphoria too.

Cis women who are insecure about having a small chest, being too tall, having facial hair- those women are experiencing dysphoria. Its the same for cis men who are insecure about penis size, the width of their hips, not being muscular enough, ect.

When society has defined a narrow range of biological realities as "correct" the majority of people are not going to fit in, and when you don't fit in it causes you to feel like your body isn't the way its supposed to be, whether or not you're trans. Even worse we don't acknowledge the ways in which constructed gender is mostly only accessible to people can at least seem to have a white, cis, hetero, perisex, thin, abled body.

Because of that, dysphoria doesn't necessarily go away fully when we transition, and thats ok. Its probably going to come and go for you, it will change over time, and most likely it will fade, A LOT as you settle into yourself. The euphoria will come and go too. Thats all a normal part of having a human body.

As long as transition moves us closer to a place that feels comfortable then it's worth it. It doesn't have to fix us or make us perfect. We only have to prefer it to the alternative.

[sideblogforquery-argh]

People are not using pronouns, using wrong words, but I don’t remind anyone verbally. TW: Su1cide, s3lf h4rm, anorex1a mentions.

TLDR at bottom, I appreciate if anyone reads this or has any advice. Other key points in bold.

I’m sorry this is so long, and I promise this is about nonbinary stuff, but there are Complications, if you will:

1. Autistic doormat. (Professionally diagnosed)

2. Anxious and hates confrontation of any kind.

3. Chronic pain that stops me from going places and doing things.

4. Long history of depression, anxiety, s3lf h4rm, su1cide attempts.

5. Speak in a high pitched voice (not natural, forced again by anxiety of being viewed as competent and mature and not having my limitations taken seriously)

6. Have feminine mannerisms.

7. Have a very slight build and feminine features.

8. I have not had IRL friends for ten years, or online friends for about six.

9. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder.

10. Underweight, low key restrictive eating disorder (I will gladly maintain current weight, but comment on my body, eating habits or try to feed me more and the anorex1a says Hello. Also maintaining low weight to avoid “filling out” as much as possible in breast area.)

I’m 25 and nonbinary. I’ve known I was nonbinary since 2014/2015. I had come out verbally to my mom many years ago, maybe around 2017. Came out to brother via a written sign on my door and then a short verbal confirmation in late spring last year. At my high school graduation last year (age 24) I had my write up read aloud by the principal include “I look forward to being my authentic enby self” and I wore a pronoun pin and necklace. My grandparents were also at the ceremony. I reactivated my Facebook account and posted an artistic image and write up explaining my pronouns, name, etc. I have a variety of pride and pronoun items, pins on my backpack, a They/Them pronoun necklace, a keychain. I usually have some sort of sign declaring my pronouns and sometimes my name on my door. I even attended my local Pride parade and festival last August with my mom. Also since coming out I have explored neopronouns and I like to use Ae/Aer for myself.

Now, as mentioned at the very top, I am a doormat. I hate being bother, I have had huge mental and physical health challenges. I always want to help, to do things, I’ve been trapped at home with no pain free or easy way to go into town. I’ve been alone for a very long time, not attending school, and then trying to do it by myself online. I am also AFAB and I generally don’t present in a “gender non-conforming” matter. (Put in quotes because I am not a girl) Just the other night, there was a talking head on the news who’s name was Tiana* and my mom gleefully exclaimed “her name is Tiana*, she has the same name as you! You almost never hear anyone with the name Tiana*!”

ANYWAYS, to the point, I can never manage to bring myself to verbally remind anyone to use my pronouns. I can’t discuss my dysphoria with anyone, including my counsellor, which has really increased in the last few months. My counsellor had to be told what gender dysphoria is, and he’s trying but I don’t feel comfortable talking to him about it. My PMDD is also not only making my mental health in general really mad, but increasing my gender dysphoria. I have tried birth control for this, and it resulted in a suicide attempt.

I came out a year ago now to the wider family network / world, but it feels like everyone has completely ignored that fact. I came out of the closet, but a new, iron maiden style one has been built around me by anyone and everyone who perceives “me.”

I put “me” is quotation marks because it’s not actually me that anyone is seeing or talking to, it’s the mirage of a past person. I just feel so weak and pathetic, I don’t speak up for myself, I just let it happen. I don’t exist, not according to how I am referred to my people the vast majority of the time. They/them does get used at home frequently, but more often it’s my birth name. I’ve gone through waves of uncomfortable indifference to just feeling really shitty, having an abuse of use of that name, where now I am starting to not feel neutral but dislike it. It’s always, “Tiana* this”, and “it’s in Tiana’s* room,” “I think Tiana* has it, don’t you?”

I just feel hopeless. I don’t see myself ever being able to exist as actually myself. If I can’t remind my family in my safe home to use my pronouns; or that I want to use a different name, OR that (body pain permitting) I’d probably like to have my breasts and nipples removed; how am I supposed to reminded anyone else? The massage therapist, the doctor, the other pain specialist, the orthopaedic surgeon, the counsellor, the psychiatrist, the osteopath, anyone and everyone who I’ve ever met before who just, “she/her’s” and “Tiana*’s” me.

*Tiana is not actually my name, it is used for example purposes only.

TLDR: I have a variety of visual objects and signs that describe my pronouns and nonbinary-ness, but I have almost never reminded anyone verbally to use my pronouns and that I am not a girl. The most I can do is squeak out “they” quietly. How can I actually be brave and speak up for myself for once?

[whitelotusherald]

Since it's TDOV I'd like to share a few thoughts.

May not be the most comprehensible thing I've smashed out on a keyboard but I've been having a terrible decade as one of my colleagues kindly pointed out lol

Most probably to no one's surprise I'd like to just kick out this closet's door (I've been standing in the threshold for ages) and state that yeah, I ain't reading/translating all that FTM YA literature or care so much about trans rights just because I'm a decent ally - I am trans.

It's not TDOV that made me state it, it's the growing frustration with my country where the government keeps cutting back our rights, it's the way the world is headed, back to darker days just because of fucked up propaganda.

I can't decide whether it's a day to celebrate or not.

When you're trans (especially if you're prone to depression) every day should be celebrated since you're still here.

But still. Is it something to celebrate? Or just a day when you shout ‘hey I’m STILL HERE against ALL THE ODDS’?

Sometimes I’m baffled how people say being trans is a trend. Or choice. Like, who the fuck would WANT to be trans if they had a choice? I’d love to choose not having to battle dysphoria, anxiety over gender politics, society’s goddamn stupid expectations and everything that comes with having ‘F’ in my birth certificate.

And when the government says ‘oh no the gay and trans agenda turns kids gay and trans’, I’m fuming. As a kid I didn’t see any representation. Funny thing is, I shared a bit of the realization path with a brilliant writer, AJ White - as similarly to him, for the longest time I’d thought I was just a tomboy but felt no connection to womanhood. I even read a similar statement online that made me go ‘oh’ in my twenties (his was ‘Cis people don’t wonder’) - which was something like ‘cisgender people don’t go to sleep wishing to wake up as the other gender’. Another similar experience was trans jealousy - in Hungary back in my teen years when someone said ‘transsexual’ (we didn't know the word transgender back then), you imagined a godawful crossdresser. We had no education on the topic. But when I learned one of my friends transitioned, all I could think was ‘oh so he gets to be a guy but I don’t, fantastic, did he find a magic wand or what?’ (I didn’t wish him bad. I just didn’t understand how the fuck can anyone just decide to be a man and proceed to be one. It was beyond comprehension.)

I’d been treated many times as a guy and I’d always felt frustrated not because of the misgendering (which was, turns out, not misgendering at all, ha!) but because I’d been anxious about what others may think.

I’d also thought I’m too old for this. But there’s no such thing as being too old to be yourself. Funny thing, I’d always been myself, never even tried to act like a girl, whatever that means. However it's just… idk, easier to understand now, ‘oh, yeah, it’s because I’m a guy, DUH’.

I still don’t know where this road may take me. It’s a pretty rocky one. As an avid reader, I've seen quite a few examples - like White's or there's Aiden Thomas or Nate Stevenson. But everyone has their own. You have to fight your own demons, carve your own gate through granite to reach the other side. I don't even know if I want to lift my pickaxe. It's scary. At the same time I didn't get a bracelet with the Cemetery Boys quote "you don't need anyone's permission to be you" for nothing. And at the same time maybe I've already lifted that pickaxe by dedicating myself to bring trans stories to Hungarian readers.

In Hungary, you can’t legally change your name. You have almost zero chance to get HRT right now. (Though, due to my health, I wouldn’t be able to do that.) There are long waiting lists for docs, so it’s not easy to get diagnosed, not that I would need that but maybe in the future we will have another government that’s more emphatic towards us. Thankfully, my body also thought something was off, gifted me with a fibroid, so I got hysterectomy free of charge, that's one problem less. But dysphoria still hits hard whenever the weather gets warmer and I have to leave behind my winter clothing. At the moment, the most I can aim for is top surgery. And attending protests, all kinds of protests for LGBTQ rights. For our rights.

Because we’re still here, against all the odds.

[crystalseadragon44]

Earth's Kitsune Chapter 12 & the Author and Artist behind it all!

Releasing today, fresh of the presses, is Earth's Kitsune Chapter 12! Molly and Tam take the first Ocean Magic class of the year to learn more about Ocean Magic; Molly to improve her skills, Tam to become a merfolk! We meet many familiar Behind the Veil faces this chapter, along with a new one...

As usual, you can read it on Scribble Hub now using the provided link!

And finally, today's drawing:

Wait a minute. Isn't that the same name attached to all the Behind the Veil works?

Yes. Yes it is.

For the next few weeks, the subject of the drawings is (uncomfortably) yours truly! And today, we have the official profile that I'd use any time I make an appearance in my drawings (like Trans Prom, which is where I picked a lot of the colors from).

On the one hand, we have my real-life self. Anxious, uncomfortable, the usual. The germ phobia takes its toll, one you can see on my arms. If you're uncomfortable looking at it, that's kind of the point (for me too). But hey, I'm on hormones now, and it's improving my mental state! I got boobs, yippie! XD

On the other, we have a... Half-genie? Yes, it took me some time to figure it out, but I have a half-genie otherkin identity, one that even comes with occasional bouts of dysphoria. Fun. But this time at least, I'm not ignoring it like I did with my gender dysphoria for so long. However I can, I'm leaning into this!

This wound up being part of a multi-part project. The other pieces deal more with potential capabilities I might have as a "crystal magic" half-genie, namely a potential transformation I could take!

Lesson to be learned: if you wish to become something not fully human for many years, you probably have an alterhuman identity of some sort. But you know, having one is kind of a beautiful thing, even with the potential annoyances of dysphoria/dysmorphia. Don't be ashamed that you want to be a half-genie or a fox girl. Be the one thing you can: yourself!

[dullahandyke]

[Image description: a comic done in a colour palette of pink, purple, blue, and white, featuring the artist's insert, a pale-skinned person with shoulder-length ginger hair, an ear-piercing, and stubble. The cover shows a close-up on the artist's face as they cover a grin, glancing to the side and sweating. Beside him is lettering which reads, "Chameleon", mirrored in blue, red, pink, and purple.

We see the artist posing in thought as she narrates, "When trying to define my gender on my own terms, in my own mind, I've rarely had trouble explaining it, even before I had the 'proper' terminology available..." We see his thought bubble, in which are three smiling versions of him, in blue, purple, and pink. They narrate, "In my life, I've lived as a genderless person, a man, and a woman... and even though dysphoria did cause the transitions between those identities, at one point they were still my identity." She smiles as she continues to think, showing a version of herself in pink, purple, and blue, exclaiming, "This is perfect!" He narrates, "So, if I were to describe my identity, it would be someone who is a man, a woman, and neither/both... all at once! And my one wish would be... to live as a person who's experienced by different people, differently. There's really no wrong way to know me."

They narrate, "For the most part? That's how I live day to day, without much trouble. (Usually.)" We see her in feminine dress, accepting a coffee as someone offscreen says, "Here you are, miss." She smiles and replies, "Thank you!" We see him in masculine dress as he strolls. Someone offscreen shouts, "Nice shoes, man!" He grins and replies, "Hey, thanks!"

They narrate, "...With strangers, that is. Where things start to complicate is when people stay in my life, more than just briefly perceiving me and passing through." We see her turning and looking anxious as someone says, "Hey, I've been meaning to ask you..." He narrates, "I know it's not out of malice. Quite the opposite, really! Part of being close with others is knowing who they are... but who I am is an answer most people don't consider 'definitive enough'. Usually I'll just avoid the questions, or I'll say something like, 'Oh, I don't really care what people call me!', which is... sort of true." We see them waving their hands in a placating manner as they laugh, flustered and frustrated. She narrates, "I've just found it's a lot less painful to keep it to myself unless I'm sure the other person will understand. But it means keeping most people at an arm's distance." We see them with another person's arms around their shoulders, looking lost and resigned. He narrates, "...Distance, which became much less feasible and comfortable to maintain within romantic relationships."

She narrates, "Like any good chameleon, it was easy to adapt to what it was my partners were attracted to about me." We see him with stubble, smiling bashfully as someone offscreen says, "Masculine, handsome, BF." He replies, "Aw shucks." We see her with her hair up in a ponytail, smiling brightly as someone offscreen says, "Feminine, beautiful, girlfriend." She drawls, "Aww, stoooop." They narrate, "But so often I'd realize that's all they saw me as. If I tried to explain that I wasn't comfortable always staying that way..." We see both versions from the previous panel, wincing awkwardly as the voices say, "My man, my girl." The voices shout down the artist, saying, "I dated you because you were a handsome/beautiful/attractive person/woman/man. I'm not interested in dating anything other than that! Why can't you just stay like this?" The artist listens without comment, tired. They narrate, "Wash, rinse, and repeat. It started to feel like 'who' I was never mattered. That 'what' I was only did. And so many people only wanted one part of me."

She narrates, "I thought maybe I'd have more luck with other nonbinary people..." We see him nervously say, "You know you can like... use gendered terms and stuff for me. You don't have to always just use neutral ones." He narrates, "...to little avail." An offscreen voice protests, "But I don't want to misgender you!!!" Resigned and awkward, the artist replies, "Yeah no you... you know what, don't worry about it." They narrate, "I started to wonder if my wishes were at odds with each other..." We see him looking anxious as he stares down two paths. The first reads, "To live a life untrue to myself, but loved at least." The second reads, "To live truly but to embrace the loneliness of nonconformity."

She narrates, "Ultimately though.. I did meet someone that I really loved. And wanted to be known by. I gave it some time..." We see him walking in the snow with his boyfriend and laughing loudly. They narrate, "And I was scared, but I was also determined to know." Nervous, she speaks up. "I've been meaning to ask... would you still like me the same if I was a girl, a boy, or both? If I lived differently at different times?" Their boyfriend replies, "It's still you though, isn't it? That's all that really matters to me." The artist looks over at him as she narrates, "And that made all of me... truly happy." In a mirror to the cover, we see a close-up of his face, smiling in content. A signature reads, "Chameleon Chameleon by Willow Woods". End image description]

chameleon chameleon

a comic about being bigender, and bisexual, by me! happy pride everyone.

[taromilksnake]

9:26pm a good day

just finished a conversation with julia, and reached a resolution to our communication misunderstanding. i’m looking forward to growing more and our relationship growing more too. i want to remember that this was something that julia realized recently, and told me recently. i got to share a bit about my updated relationship with mom with her too, which was nice

too much to say over this past weekend, but it was fun toproping with anthony, bouldering some, even after spending all weekend together on our road trip. i liked that he sought physical affection from me (putting his head to my chest a few times), called for me when it looked like i was walking away without saying bye (not my intention, but it was what it looked like lol), and told me that he’s feeling stressed and kinda overwhelmed with his lack of groceries and his apartment needing cleaning up. it reminds me of seeing him stressed about picking out the wedding outfit, and i liked that he trusted me to be so vulnerable with me, too. he called for me when he came back from walking luna, a little apprehensive that i had left because him being stressed was too much. him talking about his “divine feminine,” as silly or joking as it was, gave me insight on how he likes to be supported (emotional validation without solutions, to be left to resolve it himself first). talking to julia, i thought of how i want to devote the same attention to detail and care as i do for anthony to my other relationships, too. it’s crazy how much being in a relationship with him has already been a catalyst for so many changes in my life, coming out to mom, having perspective on julia’s communication style, better work life balance, starting therapy, realizing emotional trauma surrounding the cult, learning and lessening of gender dysphoria, updated understanding and relationship with mom, my own understanding of my anxiety and people-pleasing (re:magic), my anxious attachment style, learning how i want to be loved, how it feels to be truly vulnerable, how to overcome my sense of shame for wanting, how it’s “an honor and privilege to love and support you.” the last one i’m still working on. it’s blindingly obvious to me toward anthony, as it’s how i feel about him, but i still am working on wrapping my head around it for how others feel about me.

points of conversation in no particular order through the road-trip to staton:

gender inclusive restroom tier list

democracy mao podcast

feelings about having kids

marriage as a commitment and marriage the ceremony

moving in

how it feels to not be out (as a relationship) to his friends

relationship to family since coming out, how much to include family to our relationship (he was “smitten” when i describe ms that he as “a joy in my life that i decide whether or not to share with my family”)

tapping on each other to music

him letting me nap on the way back

silly puns about “john wick”

being sought by the cat distribution system 3x in a row at a gas station, pea soup dinner parking lot, then hotel lot

pea soup bowl (during dinner and leftovers)

he grabbed a goodie box of treats for me post the brunch

what unconditional love (and self-love) means

definition of racism, and that i “want us to be different” (to speak plainly about race)

trying out using “the voice” strategy in front of anthony (we didn’t like it, it felt like eavesdropping for both of us)

so much has happened (yet it was still fairly relaxed) that it feels a shame not to write at least the big moments down, but maybe it’s ok to forget some things so i can better live in the present, rather than the past. a big moment was realizing how it’s not ok by me to be “stealth” with his friends, and that i need him to take better care of me in social situations in which i know no-one. realizing and saying so felt scary, but he responded right away, heard me out, attended to me rest of the night. put plainly it feels like shock still to have my desires met, to feel like i don’t deserve the way that anthony has been taking care of me. but i tell myself that i don’t need to earn my keep, that he loves me because he loves me. when i think of how i feel about him, i love him most when he shows affection, when he’s vulnerable, when he shares his thoughts with me, especially ones that he’s afraid of voicing aloud. when i voice my desires is when i feel least lovable, yet that’s when i love anthony the most, so maybe (probably) it’s true for him, too.

getting to the hotel and spending time together was very romantic, esp that first night. no shower, romantic sex — “i want to make love to you,” “that’s ok with me” in response to me being unsure about penetrative sex, him spitting on my cock, fingering me, gently rubbing my entrance and my cock alternatively. when i told him ide like him to make love to me, he rubbed my entrance and dick with his cock gently, slowly taking it out and putting it in when i shared how much i liked feeling him push inside, feeling the head pushing in, and feeling him sitting inside, feeling his heat and weight as he thrust against me. the next morning, it felt nice the way he ran his hand under my shirt, rubbing my chest. i think we had sex again then, mutually touching each other until it was just him going down on me, smiling at my reactions. still feeling some mixed feelings about not cumming during sex, but as as now i don’t mind too much. the romance and connection comes first.

i did a great job filling my day today with good moments, while reaching a good stopping point with work (but still confronting my sunday scaries). i’m finding my work-life balance day by day, and today was a good day. i’m glad and relieved that i didn’t feel bad seeing lanchi + co’s post about their new orleans(?) trip, and i look forward to seeing lanchi and nathan on saturday, and having anthony meet them, too.

oh! and the not-so-implicit reference to spending more of the future together makes me feel so fuzzy and giddy on the inside —to climb together thursday, to meet up for a double date with lanchi+nathan saturday, to see a concert together for the saint motel in march, to go visit taiwan together next year, to visit/go camping with his friends over break in the future, to join in on their mafia games.

besides that, i’m glad i can chat up gavriela, and today i hit up sherry and we spent some relaxed time together too. she was a very generous host, treating me to soft boiled egg, sweet potato, fruit cocktail, mikey’s extra ramen. getting meowu back so that she can sit by my head on my pillow is nice, too.

it’s already past my bedtime, so i’ll turn in for the day. it was nice to see that anthony posted on insta a collection of our activities together (though admittedly i’d like if he had captioned me as his boyfriend or partner). i’m looking forward to all the joys (and some of the hardships) that life has in store.

don’t forget, i love you always. i’m glad that you had a great day, and i’m proud of all your growth all this time. frankie— signing out 🫡

[tinyplanetss]

☺️ my name is logan

its not an announcement (we know this) im just so happy with my name its very much my own

[iwannawritelots]

Obey Me! Babes with MC Binding Unhealthily

Originally written June 2022

My brain is just so fucking full help. I can’t sit down and actually write well because I’m too upset from family shit so I’m making this headcanon just in case I can’t get anything done. (Also part of why I’ve been publishing so much old stuff that isn’t on here recently lmao.) Whenever I write headcanons there is a chance I’ll make them into fics so lol

Written for AFAB trans MC who binds! (I know some cis women bind too but MC is pretty trans coded here)

Please take care of yourself when you bind!

TW/CW: gender dysphoria, unhealthy binding

Lucifer💙

will lose his fucking mind if you bind too long or in a dangerous manner

Like what are you thinking!?

This is assuming he’s even aware, considering demons have different rules and he’s always working so he may not even notice.

he scolds you out of habit, but then feels a bit guilty after remembering that binding just helps you feel better about yourself

It takes a while for him to swallow his damn pride and apologize for how he addressed it, and reminds you it’s only because he cares that he got upset

If you are one to wear your partner’s/partners’ clothes, he’ll find something of his for you to wear if it’ll help comfort you when you need to stop binding

tries to be nicer when he addresses your unhealthy binding from now on

Mammon💛

He’s one of the ones I usually headcanon as transmasc so I imagine he can understand it lmao

tries to explain that he’s worried but also he’s a fuckin’ tsundere and doesn’t know how to properly express his concern

“It’s not like I care but ya shouldn’t bind so long! You’re a human and your body can’t handle that much bindin’!”

If you have a smaller build than him, he’ll let you borrow any of his clothes that are baggy on you

will definitely buy you whatever you need no matter what though. He will go bankrupt for you (please don’t encourage this)

You will not hear the end of it if he finds out you exercised in a binder (without sizing up)

Leviathan🧡

Another one I usually headcanon as transmasc lmao

he has so many hoodies, just take them when your binding time for the day is up. He will not understand why you’d want his hoodie though, he’s a yucky otaku! Another grim in the “self-deprecating comment” jar

He’s a bit too afraid to confront you about it because he doesn’t want it to somehow sound like he doesn’t like you binding in general??? He’s so anxious please

Ends up stammering about how he doesn’t want you to break your ribs by binding too long or accidentally falling asleep in it

He just cares a lot

Satan💚

I headcanon him as transmasc non-binary/demiboy so um

like Lucifer, he scolds you out of concern

reminds you that it will make complications in your health if you bind too long or without breaks!

reminds you to cough after binding to loosen any built up liquid in your lungs

he will offer any of his sweaters if you want to wear them for comfort/to mask your chest shape

Asmodeus💘

he really tries to be nice but your health is super important! Might get a little agitated if you repeatedly do unhealthy binding

assures you that you’re still very masculine when you need to stop binding for the day and he doesn’t see you as anything but the gender you are

will help you find the best sports bras and baggy clothes to help you feel better about things

(Also probably makes sure you have more than one binder because of all the sweat/grime buildup that will happen if you don’t wash them enough)

Frequently reminds you to take breaks and always makes sure you coughed after taking it off

don’t even think about unhealthy binding habits with Asmo around!

Beelzebub❤️

probably doesn’t even notice until the others mention it to him

Then he makes sure to watch out for it a lot more

he’ll notice without being tipped off if you exercise with him because??? Why are you struggling to breathe so much??

he’s very gentle about it

If you’re smaller than Beel, he definitely won’t mind you using his clothes that are baggy on you

Makes sure you take breaks and reminds you to cough after binding

Belphegor💜

He’s kind of indifferent about it until he finds out how much it can actually hurt you

if you’re getting ready to nap together he always makes sure your binder is off

will help you bundle up in a hoodie, sometimes even with a bunch of big blankets too if you want

Lord Diavolo❣️

he’s so clueless lol

probably has to be told by one of the brothers that you have a habit of binding unhealthily

he does his own research on how to properly ensure you’re careful, but most of the time he just asks how long you’ve been binding for since he doesn’t want to be mean

once he’s more comfortable he’ll be a bit more strict about you taking breaks and not exerting yourself while you’re binding

Barbatos🖤

like Asmo, just don’t even try

you’re a minute over the eight hour limit? here’s a sports bra, go change

you haven’t taken a break yet? Go take one

Did you remember to cough after taking your binder off? No? Cough right now. He wants to see you do it.

You’re sick and have a binder on!? Go take it off right now!

he’s strict about it but as soon as you ask if he has any clothes you could borrow he’s all pink in the face and muttering about “why would you want my clothes? I’m not all that interesting. If you insist.” You make him put a Grimm in his “self-deprecating comment” jar.

Simeon🤍

he just wants you to not break your ribs or hurt yourself somehow but he also doesn’t want to hurt your feelings

comes prepared with a hoodie before he tells you to change

will bury you in blankets if you want

if you’re particularly upset for whatever reason that day he’ll do his frickin best to help you mask your chest shape

reminds you to cough when you take it off

often asks about how your chest is feeling in case you need to take it off

Solomon🤎

yet another I headcanon as transmasc

he is a bit more lenient since he’s a human himself but he won’t let you get away with too much

reminds you to cough when taking it off, to take breaks, when your time will be up

he’s nice about it but if you fight him he will get a bit frustrated

He knows it’s only ‘cause you want to be comfortable with yourself a bit longer, so he manages to not be upset with you lol

[themagnuswriters]

Asexuality in Fic Roundtable - What We Like

How do I write a convincing asexual character in a fic?  Is there a way to address a character’s sexuality outside the context of sex or coming out?  Can a story feature a character's asexuality aside from exploring the negative aspects of the asexual experience?  It’s usually not too hard to find lists of what not to do when writing asexual characters, but much more difficult to find the opposite.

The asexual members of The Magnus Writers discord gathered to discuss their favorite ways to incorporate the day-to-day details of asexual peoples’ experiences into fiction.  We also discussed depictions that we’ve enjoyed in the past, or would love to see more of.  Note that this isn’t an Asexuality 101 resource, so if you don’t feel familiar with the basics, feel free to check out the resources we will link in the reblog of this post.

This conversation included a variety of ace-spectrum people from multiple countries, including both arospec and non-aro people, various genders, and varying relationships to sex and sexual content.  Just like all asexual people are different, the things that we enjoy reading are far from universal.  Some tropes/details brought up as favorites can vary widely--for example, “innuendo completely flies over their head” vs. “they understand but are completely unfazed by innuendo.”  Additionally, some aces love tropes that others would prefer to avoid: for instance some enjoy discussions of physical boundaries to be included in the fic, and some prefer that to be established as happening in the past.  

The examples brought up in our discussion are also far from comprehensive, and can be seen as the beginning of an endless list of possible ways to write asexual characters.  Some examples given are specific to the Magnus Archives, but can apply to any writing.  Take these as inspiration and a way to broaden your understanding of who we are and what we like to see!

ASEXUALITY IN YOUR SETTING

When writing a story including asexual characters, one of your first considerations may be for how asexuality is contextualized within your setting:  Is it fully normalized and accepted?  Does it reflect real-world stigmas?  How is asexuality treated by the narrative and the other characters?  Contributors showed interest in a variety of approaches on this front, with no single approach being worth more than other:

Fics including negative real-world experiences

These would include fics in a realistic setting, where characters may struggle with internalized acephobia, stigma, social pressure, microaggressions, dysphoria, and so on.  This isn’t limited to just “issue fic,” where the focus of the fic is about examining and confronting a struggle, but rather encompasses anything that includes this consideration in its worldbuilding and characterization.  While brighter settings can be refreshing, contributors described reasons why this kind of fic appeals to them:

Feeling seen: Reading about ace characters whose experiences reflect their own

Feeling validated:  Being exposed to only stories where there are no issues on this front can feel like we’re the only one facing these struggles.  It can be extremely cathartic to read something and think “I thought I was the only person who went through this.”

Exploring improvement/hope:  From ace characters learning to accept themselves or other characters making mistakes and accepting correction, these can be validating and encouraging.

On top of ace readers finding worth in these fics, the act of writing the fic can also be very cathartic for many ace authors.

There is a lot of variety for how these fics can be written, such as:

Stories that focus on the negative experience

Stories where that experience is just part of the setting or characterization

The character(s) getting external support and validation

The character facing mixed dismissiveness, acceptance, prejudice, etc. from different people

The story resolving in a way where the situation is resolved: for instance, cutting off an acephobic relationship, or someone apologizing for a microaggression.

Stories where well-meaning characters are accidentally insensitive about asexuality, but learn better and change their behavior

The character confronting or overcoming an internal struggle

Stories where the issues aren’t fully resolved by the end, such as an insecurity not fully going away.

Negative asexual experiences don’t have to be the focus of a fic to be acknowledged. While “issue fics” that closely examine and explore these experiences are valuable, contributors also described enjoying stories that included them as simply an element of the worldbuilding or characterization.  For instance, a story may reference Jon having bad past relationship experiences; facing assumptions that he’s having sex if he’s in a relationship; having moments of insecurities about his sexuality; etc.

Please note that writing negative ace experiences needs to be handled sensitively; fics of this type should definitely be tagged appropriately.  For brief references, consider including author’s note warnings on the appropriate chapter (e.g. “asexual character assumed to be having sex”).  Having an asexual sensitivity reader--particularly one of a type that corresponds with what you’re writing (i.e. sex-neutral, gray-ace, sex-repulsed, etc)--is very much encouraged.

Fics where asexuality is normalized

In contrast, there is just as much interest in stories that avoid all of these issues, and fully normalize asexuality.  Contributors described how they enjoy stories where ace characters are allowed to just exist, without big important conversations or small othering details that depict asexual identities as less than fully accepted.

These can be included in any type of fic, but a few of the suggested details for how to normalize asexuality in a setting include:

A character being already out and accepted:  For instance, Martin already knowing about Jon’s asexuality from early seasons.

Characters in the fic already knowing what asexuality is without needing it explained to them

Having more than one character be asexual:  We aren’t confined to writing only canon characters as ace!  This not only goes the extra mile in normalizing asexuality, but it gives the chance to include more of the ace spectrum.

If you’re aiming for asexuality to be normalized, please consider whether it makes sense for your asexual character to be anxious about coming out or discussing boundaries.  There is a world of difference between someone responding to an ace character coming out with “I fully support you” and responding with “you’re an idiot for thinking we wouldn’t support you.”  This is a common and easy pitfall to fall into, but the result is often less escapism and more a message of “your struggles aren’t real, and you’re stupid for thinking they are.”

Asexuality in Metaphor

Some contributors mentioned wanting to read settings where asexuality itself is normalized, but the issues facing aces could be explored on a metaphorical level.  This falls somewhere in between the ideas of realistic or idealized settings as regards the ace experience, and could allow that exploration with a layer of distance.  Ideas relating to this included fantasy settings with different kinds of magic.

PERSONALITY AND CHARACTERIZATION

The experience of being asexual isn’t something just limited to a relationship with sex: it can be shown in many ways, such as how a character relates to themselves, other people, media, and society.  Like any other queer identity, it affects many aspects of our lives and informs a great deal about us as people.  These little details don’t even need to be presented in a blunt “this is because this character is asexual” way--they can be little relatable notes for your ace readers, while not coming across in a “this is how all ace people are” way.

We’ve seen the question “how do I write a character as asexual, if I’m not planning on having someone ask them for sex or writing a coming-out scene?” many times.  Our contributors were excited to share a wide variety of ideas for this from things they’ve read, written, or experienced:

Ace confusion

Not to be confused with the infantilizing “doesn’t know what sex is” approach, this could involve things like:

Being confused over what sexual attraction is: difficulty defining what they don’t experience.

Difficulty describing to others what lack of sexual attraction is: this is their default, and it can be difficult to contrast it to what they don’t experience.

Thinking that others describing sexual attraction or interest is just exaggeration

“Wait, that’s what you mean when you say ‘hot’?  I just thought it meant they’re gorgeous.”

“You mean meeting someone and being instantly sexually interested in them is a real thing, and not just a movie trope?”

The Absurdity of How Society Views Sex

The jarring dissonance between asexual experiences and the norms in society and media can cause a lot of alienation and dysphoria in aces, but often it hits a point of feeling like a joke is being played on you.  Contributors offered ideas for how this could be illustrated through a character:

Reading “How to Spice Up Your Love Life” articles out of pure morbid curiosity

Taking the most ridiculous Cosmo sex life article as How Everyone Thinks (and being concerned)

Having an allo friend or partner they can ask about whether any of it is legitimate advice (this one was brought up by a lot of people as a common ace experience)

An ADHD/autistic character getting a special interest or hyperfixation on societal views on sex or sexual practices, and pursuing it as purely a matter of research with no interest in participating

“Why do they keep bringing up ice cubes?  Georgie, stop laughing, I am a researcher and a scholar.”

Needing to teleport out of the room if a sex scene comes up in a movie

Not minding the sex scenes, but needing to make fun of them or point out impracticalities

“On the beach?  But sand is everywhere?  Wait, they think getting sand everywhere is hot??”

Being baffled at what’s considered sexy: for example, Jon being baffled at “wet clothes are sexy,” having grown up by the beach and associating them with being terribly uncomfortable

Of course, asexual characters don’t need to be framed like they constantly need to learn about things from allo people--sometimes the reverse can be a fun twist.  One reversal, for example, could be an ace person helping their allo friend parse whether their attraction to someone is simply sexual or also romantic.

Aces vs. flirting

While not specifically connected to sexual attraction, how a character interacts with flirting can very much demonstrate the asexual experience.  Contributors discussed a variety of their own experiences, and details they’ve enjoyed reading for ace characters:

Having difficulty distinguishing between different kinds of draws to people--is it romance?  Friendship?  

Having difficulty picking up on whether or not someone is interested in them

Failing to realize they’re flirting or being flirted with

Enjoying flirting as just a fun thing to do without any particular goal (a popular suggestion for a Tim ace headcanon)

Casually flirting but then backing off if it becomes “real”

Several examples were given of scenarios these could be used for Jon:

Jon’s dry prickliness stemming from wanting to avoid people thinking he’s flirting or showing interest in them, not being sure where others judge the line between “flirting” or “being nice.”  

Jon deciding he is going to make an effort to be more friendly to people, and awkwardly starts showering others with compliments; some of them interpret it as flirting and it’s very confusing.

Jon (or Martin) being overly dramatic or romantic when purposefully showing interest in someone, drawing from a basis of books or media rather than social experience.

Aces vs. hotness

We might use the word “hot” excessively, but ace people often have their own understanding of the word (and are often surprised to learn what others mean by it).  Contributors brought up the following ideas for this area:

Using “hot” as an expression of “gorgeous to look at,” and being confused to learn that others use it as a sexual expression.

Engaging with “are they hot” conversations based purely on aesthetics, or other impressions like “would they give good hugs.”

Focusing on seemingly random physical details, like wrists or eyebrow shape, over more commonly sexualized ones.

Being confused over the criteria others use for hotness.  Example:  Jon’s reaction to “the hot one” comment.

Finding fictional characters not represented by a real person “hot” (e.g. from books, podcasts, video games with bad graphics, etc)

Using the words “hot” and sexy” for completely nonsexual things.  Several contributors described being told they couldn’t be ace if they called anything hot/sexy, and then doing it more out of spite.

Being completely unfazed by innuendo or sex/nudity:  For example, Jon’s calm response vs. Martin being flustered at Tim stripping

This is also an area where a story can establish the nature of their relationship with those around them: if a character is comfortably out as not being interested in sex, for instance, you can show that others around them support that by making their conversations more inclusive. For example, a “fuck, marry, kill” game with modified categories, or a “who would you have sex with” conversation changed to a “who would you have dinner with” one once the ace character enters.  

Aces vs. sexual humor

Ace people’s reactions to sexual humor can vary as much as the reactions to flirting.  Contributors described enjoying a broad range of these:

Aces who love sexual humor (not limited to sex-favorable aces)

Humor taking an angle of “sex is so strange, glad it isn’t real.”

Aces who are bored with or exhausted by sexual humor

Not finding sexual humor funny unless it’s also clever.  “Yes I know that’s a sexual reference...wait, it was meant to be funny?  Because it’s connected to sex?  ....I see.  Anyway.”

Bonus points if the “is that supposed to be funny because it’s sexual?” ace and the filthy humor ace are friends

It can even vary for the same person from setting to setting: someone may find making dirty jokes with a group of ace friends might be fun (see the “Absurdity of Sex” section above), but be very uncomfortable with someone else trying to twist something they said into something sexual.  There’s also the nature of the joke itself: a silly pun may be fine, but a joke implying the ace person is interested in sex or said something sexual without meaning to may be alienating.

For TMA, the general interpretation of Jon is that he’d be uncomfortable with sexual humor, which is relatable to a lot of asexual people, but contributors brought up other possibilities as well: for example, the idea of Jon liking clever wordplay so much that if it just so happens to include something sexual, it doesn’t feel odd to him--why do the others look so shocked?

Note:  A lot of asexual awareness posts insensitively treat the concept of aces who love filthy humor as more mature, more easygoing, less stereotypical, or otherwise superior to aces who are uncomfortable with sexual humor.  This is a very harmful attitude that looks down on a lot of asexual people, and adds a pressure to push past comfort levels to fit in and “avoid being a stereotype.”  Contributors loved reading stories that include flirty or filthy aces, but not when they take this tone.  A favorite suggestion was to include more than one ace character to depict a variety, while treating them as equally valid.

Somewhat related to this is ace people’s relationship to sexual euphemisms.  Contributors described their experiences or how they might write an ace character responding to these:

Being exhausted by how so many terms are considered euphemisms, or how any comment could be reframed as sexual.

Having a special annoyance when they accidentally stumble into or misunderstand a euphemism

Wanting to decouple euphemisms from their literal meaning: why does “spending the night” or “going home with someone” have to mean “having sex”?

In the same line, being very blunt and straightforward about making sexual references, because why dance around it?

Characterization Considerations

One discussion that is particularly relevant to The Magnus Archives is the idea of the “uptight nerd” ace persona.  It may sound strange to say, but there is some legitimacy in this characterization, but for different reasons than is stereotyped.  Many of us build up this persona while growing up--particularly in adolescence and early adulthood--to fend off uncomfortable social pressure, self-examination, or external criticism for why we relate to sex differently than our peers.  This often involves playing up certain defenses for discomfort for sex or dating:  “I don’t have time for any of that, I only have time for books and knowledge!”  Or, the adult version:  “I don’t have time for relationships, I’m married to my job!”  

Where this departs from the stereotype is that these are generally coping mechanisms or facades rather than the truth.  Asexuality isn’t “of course they don’t have time for sex, they’re obsessed with this or that��--but an asexual person who doesn’t feel comfortable in their environment, such as around work, school, or family, may deflect judgment with similar excuses.  Similar to this, some find it tempting to be antisocial or hostile on purpose to fend off interest in them or avoid sexual expectations.

This is, of course, far from the only way an ace character could be written.  For instance, if you wanted to write a setting where asexuality is more accepted, you could write Jon’s antisocial and closed-off tendencies as a result of being bullied from a very young age, while he is confident and secure in his asexuality.  Or for other characters: you could write Tim as someone who has enjoyed sexual relationships, but just thought everyone was exaggerating on the attraction side of things.

Intersection of Asexuality with Other Identities

Another characterization consideration is how asexuality intersects with other identities and experiences included in the fic.  Below are a few examples of many:

Asexuality and masculinity:  Social expectations of masculinity place a high emphasis on sexuality, particularly heterosexuality, treating sexual activity as a commodity or prize.  One possible reading of The Magnus Archives is Jon’s tendency to have closer and more numerous friendships with women connects to this.    

Asexuality and trans identities:  There is a significant overlap between aspec and trans identities, particularly nonbinary identities.  Based on an October 2020 study by the Trevor Project (see link in reblog), ace respondents were roughly 50% more likely to be trans (including nonbinary) than allo respondents.  Contributors described how they’ve felt things like “is this dysphoria I’m feeling a gender thing or an asexuality thing,” or how figuring out their asexuality helped them explore their gender.

Asexuality and race:  In combination with LGBTQ+ spaces often being white-dominated, people of color often face stereotypes that hypersexualize or desexualize them.  This can have a strong impact on people of color’s experience and self-perception as asexual.  For instance, if you are writing Jon as Indian, you could consider how this may have impacted his experiences in LGBTQ spaces in university.  As there is no ‘one size fits all’ experience for aces of color, we strongly recommend researching for the particular background you have in mind.  We will be adding resource links to our main page shortly, but in the meantime check out the links in the reblog of this post!

INTIMACY AND RELATIONSHIPS

One of the topics addressed in our discussion was how a character’s asexuality may impact their experiences with intimacy and romantic relationships. Contributors discussed ways to portray this in fic, whether or not it includes sex or even mentions it.

Physical Intimacy

Intimacy, sensuality, and sex are separate things that may or may not overlap depending on the individual.  Contributors discussed how, for people across the ace spectrum, the relationship between these three tends to differ from common societal frameworks or depictions of intimacy in fiction.

Enjoying physical intimacy without the expectation that it will become sexual: massages, falling asleep on top of each other, bathing together, etc.

This includes acts that would often be expected to “lead somewhere” but don’t, such as lots of touching or nude cuddling.

Craving closeness/touch completely outside of sexual drive

One scenario suggested for this topic is an asexual character discovering that without the worry that an act of intimacy will ‘lead somewhere,’ they enjoy something they used to get anxious about, such as sharing a bed or showering together.

Boundaries & Communication

Stories with an asexual character in a relationship often address physical boundaries within that relationship.  The below are some of the scenarios contributors have enjoyed:

People communicating over their sexual boundaries, rather than assuming what these are as soon as they hear the word “asexual.”

The boundaries discussion being framed as something that any couple in a fictional relationship should have, not just because one is asexual.

In relationships between allo and ace characters, the allo character having boundaries of their own, rather than just the ace character.

Normalizing boundaries discussions for allo couples as well.

Note:  If a boundaries discussion involves a sex-favorable ace character, take caution at the risk of having them sound offended or derisive that the discussion is happening (e.g. “What, I’m not a child” or “Not all aces are like that.”).  Enforcing the idea that people should assume their partner is sex-interested is extremely harmful to sex-disinterested aces.

Some contributors noted that they prefer fics where the boundaries discussion is something that has taken place in the past, rather than run through at the beginning of each fic they read.  In these cases, this past discussion could be illustrated in the interaction itself: a character’s awareness of what lines not to cross, the other’s confidence and trust that those boundaries will be respected, and so on.

Issues of Intimacy Outside of Sex

While aversion to sex is the most well-known dimension of asexuality, there are other aversions and boundaries that could apply to either ace or allo characters:

Ace characters that are kiss-averse and/or touch-averse:  This also works against the “They won’t have sex, but they’ll make up for that with kissing even more!” trope that implies asexual people have to compensate for a nonsexual relationship.

Allo characters with their own aversions or specific boundaries: suggestions included how this can apply to trans characters.

Fluctuations in levels of aversion (note: it is important to not treat increased aversion as “progress” or decreased aversion as “regression”)

In cases of fluctuating aversion, characters developing ways to communicate these levels, and responding appropriately.  For example, “Kissing is not on the table right now, let’s move on to something more comfortable.”

Contributors were excited to discuss how this area could particularly be used for the allo partner of an ace character, such as an allo Martin having difficulties with touch post-Lonely, or discovering that he doesn’t enjoy kissing.

Relationships to Sex (or Lack Thereof)

Asexuality ‘subtypes’ are terms many aces describe their personal relationship with sex and/or sexual content.  These are simplified self-descriptors rather than rigid categories or mini-sexualities, and the terms rarely encompass the full detail of that relationship.  Please note that the below discussion assumes a general familiarity with ace subtypes.

Needless to say, aces across the spectrum and of every subtype want to see their identities represented in fic.  The discussion focused on ways to illustrate those experiences, and details contributors would enjoy seeing:

Non-averse aces trying sex and deciding they have no interest in it: pushing back against the “if you’re not repulsed you’ll like and want sex” idea.

No expectation that “sex-favorable” means always interested in sex.

The pressure an ace person may face to oversimplify their relationship to sex or sexual content out of fear they’ll appear inconsistent or exaggerating:  “If I’m okay with this now, what if I’m not later?  Will I seem picky if I’m only comfortable with something in an extremely specific scenario?”

“Sex repulsion” and “sex aversion” generally are used to describe asexual people who don’t want sex, but are simplified terms for what can be immensely varied experiences.  Someone could be repulsed by physical involvement in sex, repulsed by personally engaging in anything sexual, repulsed by sexual content, repulsed by just the idea of sex--or any variation or combination of these.  There are even repulsions that could be part of more sex-interested subtypes: an ace who enjoys sex but is repulsed by nudity, or an ace who enjoys sexual activities with a partner but not being touched during them, etc.

Contributors discussed how much they enjoy reading simple “I just don’t want sex” approaches to aversion/repulsion, but also look forward to reading explorations such as:

Enjoying one specific type of engagement with sexual content or activity, but having an aversion to others.

Regularly varying levels of repulsion: Days of “please don’t remind me sex exists” to days of mild curiosity, for instance.

Aces with a relationship to sex that doesn’t involve another person, including if they’re in a relationship.

Fluidity between ace subtypes can fluctuate between sex-interested and sex-disinterested in both directions: it can be both “I said I wasn’t interested in this before, but let’s carefully revisit” and “I know we’ve been doing this, but I’m no longer comfortable with it.”  Contributors mentioned never having seen fic with the latter, and expressed an interest in reading stories exploring this.

On this note, it is common for stories of fluidity between subtypes to be only moving in a more sex-interested direction.  Many asexual people, particularly sex-averse aces, face immense pressure to ‘learn how to like sex,’ or have their sexuality erased by saying they’re a ‘late bloomer’ who will learn to like it later.  Depicting this direction should be done with great care and nuance, and we strongly recommend getting feedback from a sex-disinterested sensitivity reader for stories of this type.  It’s possible that an ace reader who isn’t sex-disinterested would miss or not be affected by something that is quite painful to sex-disinterested aces.

CONCLUSION

If you’ve stuck with us for this long, well done! We understand that such a long resource can be a bit overwhelming, but we hope it can show you the depth of variety and enthusiasm ace readers have for more ace content and inspire you further.  One thing we all had in common during our discussion was how excited we were to have a canonically asexual protagonist, and how thrilled we were to see content that explored his asexuality.  In putting together this resource, we hope that you are encouraged to write about characters whose asexuality impacts their experiences and the story in unique, thoughtful, and creative ways.  We can’t wait to see what you come up with!

[cinnamonkittenz]

Some headcanons about the main 4 boys (I dont have that many or the ones I have are basically universally agreed upon in the fandom but still)

Kai:

- 5ft 10 (1,78m)

- Hazel eyes, either look amber or green depending on the light

- really defined arms and back but still kinda lanky bc that's just the way he's built

- broke his nose at least once since he became a ninja, that's why it has a little bumb in it

- dresses like a masc lesbian without knowing it (flannels, tennis socks and slippers, athleisure pants)

- grew out his hair in season 4 into a sort of mullet (he just wasnt digging his heavily styled hair anymore also it's kinda impractical on missions)

- got one ear pierced

- the macho stereotype but he's actually really soft and insecure on the inside and developed his tough persona as a defense mechanism

- he sometimes teases Jay about living our his feminine side in the later seasons but after a serious talk about toxic masculinity he starts questioning his whole mindset

- sometimes feels really lonely bc no one seems to see past his macho facade (except Cole but Kai doesnt feel comfortable fully opening up)

- starts to question is sexuality bc of cole (he has always thought he was just straight by default but now....... he's going with queer atm)

Jay:

- 5ft 8 (1,74m)

- gray eyes with a touch of blue

- kind of lanky as well but gains a little weight in the later seasons

- the whole make up thing kinda stuck with him after he hosted that show after Zane's death in season 3

- first it was a little concealer to cover his eye bags when he stayed up too late again, then around season 5 he started to paint his nails and later Nya showed him how to do eyeliner and hes been rocking it ever since

- he also experiments with clothes (at least at "home" on the destiny's bounty) so hes often seen in crop tops (Zane lets him borrow clothes and gives him styling tips)

- has ADHD

- grew up really sheltered and therefore kinda struggled to figure things out on his own

- he can be really anxious at times but brushes over it with being quirky

- has a love hate relationship with Cole but mostly love, they're best friends and potential lovers but occasionally fight bc they operate on different frequences of dumbassery

- a bi icon

- always wanted a dog

Cole:

- 6ft 3 (1,92m)

- really dark chocolate colored eyes that glow light brown in the right light

- beefy in the sense that hes really fit and super strong but hes got a good layer of fat over his muscles bc he's always been kinda chubby

- he rarely ever gets a hair cut, he'll let it grow until it hangs into his eyes and he cant see anything (then jay is allowed to give him a trim)

- he doesnt really care about his appearance in general (kind of the aftermath of when his mom died and his dad neglected him, before Lou made sure he always looked presentable bc they were somewhat local celebrities)

- he runs around shirtless all the time on the destiny's bounty

- he's the quiet one and generally more calm than the rest and is the emotional support of the team

- gives the best hugs

- he got into dancing again after he figured things out with his dad (he had been taking lessons since he was little but kinda gave up on it after he became a ninja), so they'll have little dance parties in the evenings on the bounty

- He'll dance salsa and tango with Kai (Kai is super into it and they take the whole fake flirting and sexy dancing thing so far that neither they nor the others know if they're serious or not)

- Jay is too anxious most of the time bc he never learned to dance and doesnt want to make a fool out of himself so it's mostly just weird moves with him

- He dances more formal dances with Zane like the waltz bc Zane is a nindroid and can dance every dance ever perfectly

- I dont care if canon says otherwise Cole is a really good singer and sometimes sings for the others to comfort them

- I know this is basically canon or at least fanon but he is gay

- he's really good with kids and loves to take care of them

Zane:

- 6ft 5 (1,95m)

- icy blue eyes that almost look unnatural even in his human form

- really skinny in his first "version", after his rebuilt in season 4 he is a little buffer

- on the one hand hes happy to have figured out what's "wrong" with him after finding out hes a nindroid, on the other hand it gives him a sort of dysphoria (I think its called) so that he thinks he doesnt look or act human enough

- hes aro/ace (I always saw him and PIXAL more as really close friends or maybe soulmates but not in a romantic way bc they're robots and it kinda creeps me out)

- he never understood the concept of the gender binary esp some clothes being only for girls and some being only for boys so he just dresses however he wants

- hes often wearing tennis skirts or just more feminine clothing in general

- after his rebuilt in season 4 he goes by he/they pronouns

[pastryjay]

Personal stuff/ venty post thing

i’ll put it below a thing because I don’t want to be annoying with a long post :)

Mostly talks about gender stuff.

I don’t usually talk personal stuff because I am so used to my parents (mostly my mother) dismissing/ ignoring/ not understanding my worries and acting like me asking for help is an inconvenience. I’m an only child with parents over 40 years older than me and almost no close irl friends at the moment. It has been impossible for me to find anyone with remotely similar experiences irl that I feel comfortable talking to. (I don’t fall out with people, I promise i’m nice, I just find it hard to connect and reach out to others). Much love to my online friends though.

Anyway, I really haven’t talked about this with anyone other than dismissed attempts to ask my mum for help but I am having a gender crisis and have had for some time. I have always known I was different but it wasn’t until about 2 years ago that I started asking myself what if I am actually trans? Since then, that thought has been at the front of my mind all day, everyday and that is not an over-exaggeration. I guess I have found it so hard to talk about such issues because I am feeling things so hard and I don’t know how to start talking about how I feel in a condensed way that sums everything up. I had been keeping a journal online venting about said issues which now has over 18,000 words... yeah. There are a lot of thoughts in my head actually.

A lot of it is the usual stuff. I want a flat chest and have thought that for many years, I use GC2B binders when I can (and clean them without my parents knowing). I want short hair and I know I am an adult and can do what I want now, but it’s hard to get the confidence to do that when i’m naturally anxious and my mum tells me i’d look ugly with it =/. I like having body hair and wish my voice was deeper. I pretty much exclusively wear masculine clothes and haven’t bought a single piece of feminine wear in years. Honestly, I always hated clothes shopping until I realised that I could just buy masc clothes instead. Ffs I was one of two people in my year throughout high school who insisted on wearing the boys uniform with trousers instead of skirts and the other person since has come out as trans.

I do dress like just some guy now whenever I can, exhibit A, some of the lamest quality photos (I hardly take photos of myself lol and do NOT like my face).

I only dress feminine when my mum tells me I must, again yes, I know I am an adult but my mum is particularly skilled at making me feel ashamed. 

I have always related to and felt more comfortable around boys/ men as well, especially as I share much more typical interests and mannerisms too. I get some levels of dysphoria that fluctuate between almost non-existent to ‘makes me nauseous’. Though I tend to avoid things that would cause me to be uncomfortable e.g. I don’t go out much, I mostly avoid looking at myself. On the other hand dressing masc makes me very happy, euphoric I guess.

I am particularly worried with this whole situation as I have just finished my degree and am job hunting. Whatever job I have will probably expect me to be feminine, except I do not own make up anymore, I have hardly any feminine clothes and I will not be comfortable! I am depressed enough as it is!

I guess I will just have to suck it up and deal with it as I do not feel confident in my identity enough yet to put a label on it so can’t come out. So no, I don’t have my pronouns or put my name on social media anywhere anymore (tbh I haven’t for like a year or more) as I am just perpetually unsure (and scared). I only have my face (and maybe my name) on my patisserie instagram as my family follow me there and I do not want questions from them. Honestly just refer to me as anything, if you like in some online communities (especially gaming) I do have the username PastryJay as i’m a pastry chef and Jay sounds a lot like my middle name so Jay is okay too. I don’t know what I will end up identifying as or if I will just be forever unsure/ too scared to label myself. Is anyone ever completely sure? But as I have seen family, neighbours, former colleagues, students in my classes and people online express transphobic views many times, and I don’t live in a city so can’t easily meet other people like me, it is very hard to experiment much or talk about my feelings. Additionally, as an only child I feel like i’m constantly afraid of letting my parents down. I am also incredibly terrified that my feelings will change so wouldn’t want to come out irl then have to redact that. Yes yes, despite my gender issues not being a new thing at all or lessening. If I end up coming to the conclusion that I am just cis and masc, I have a lot of respect and love for the trans community and that will never change.

Anyway I guess as it is pride month, I am seeing a lot of people being happy and true to theirselves (which I am genuinely happy for, not being bitter and jealous here) whereas I just look like some awkward nobody and I am so lonely. Maybe I thought I should change that and make my feelings known here at least.

Big thanks and hello to anyone who has read this. I am totally open for accepting advice or acknowledgement from people about this btw.

[vampish-glamour]

Hey Glam... I wanted to ask about your opinion on dysphoria.. do you feel that the definition has become increasingly vague and is now pretty much "feeling uncomfortable"? Like, there are a hundred things that could have caused that.. idk I just feel like transitioning should be a last resort and not something you immediately point someone who is even mildly uncomfortable with their gender/body towards.. what do you think?

Hey!

I absolutely think that the definition has become too vague.

Many things can cause discomfort with one’s gender.

Mainly discomfort with how one’s gender is perceived by society—so gender roles/expectations.

Sexualization’s a big one, and is one of the reasons I think so many girls are citing being uncomfortable with their breasts for reasons they’re trans, or more commonly nonbinary. It’s not dysphoria, it’s being uncomfortable with knowing your body can be/is sexualized.

There’s also things like body dysmorphia, which might seem like gender dysphoria to somebody who doesn’t know better.

And probably other things that aren’t coming to mind right now.

So for people like this, transition isn’t going to help. Because they don’t have dysphoria, and they’ll give themselves dysphoria by transitioning (medically). when it’s not a medical transition, it’s usually just cutting hair short and wearing a binder and hoodies. Being comfortable with this doesn’t exactly mean you’re a trans man… it might just mean you like being androgynous, or feel comfortable not being sexualized. And it’s not exactly a “transition” as much as it is a style change for people without dysphoria. (I’m focusing on girls here, because I see the main problem there.)

I agree that transition, specifically medical transition, should be a last resort—even for people who are sure they have gender dysphoria. It should only be done when the person and their doctor are 100% sure that it’s going to ease their gender dysphoria, and not handed out as a “oh, you’re uncomfortable being a girl sometimes? Let’s make you a boy!” Thing. It should be strictly treated as a medical practice to treat a medical condition.

As for defining who exactly has gender dysphoria and would benefit from transition, I agree with the definition of “experiencing significant distress over biological sex”. I know a lot of people hate the “significant distress” part… but I have to break it to them that this is how diagnosis for pretty much everything works.

Think of something like anxiety. It’s not “feels a little anxious”, or “feels varying degrees of stress”. It’s “excessive stress/anxiety/worry”.

Depression isn’t “feeling a little sad” or “varying degrees of sadness”, it’s “constant sadness”, aka “significant sadness”.

Even things like learning disabilities! Going through the diagnosis process myself, and having done some research to determine if I actually should go through the process… it’s always very clear that the symptoms need to be significantly impacting your life, in multiple parts of your life.

Diagnosis of anything isn’t taken lightly. Symptoms aren’t supposed to be vague, otherwise everyone would be diagnosed with things like anxiety and ADHD on the basis of sometimes being stressed and sometimes being unable to focus. Being specific with diagnosis requirements is not exclusive to gender dysphoria—it’s just how diagnosis works.

[werevulvi]

I hope these show up in the right order. This kinda stuff is exactly what makes me feel lost about my transness. Like I was just trying to be nice and agreed with this person's post. I had no interest in being an asshole or arguing what bio sex, or even what butch, is. I was just declaring myself as a bio female because it felt relevant to the topic and how I relate to it. It amazes me how even the pro self-ID types are against self-ID when someone identifies in a way that doesn't suit their narrative, even when it's a trans person whose identity they deny.

They blocked me and I don't want anyone going after them, I just wanna rant. And not even about this specific post or person, but more so about trying to exist as a gender critical trans person in general. I've been thinking about that for days, weeks, perhaps months or even years already, so it's really not about this specific person. I guess it was just what triggered me to finally start writing.

I guess I feel like both most other trans people and most other gender critical people, view transness as incompatible with gender critical opinions, and like that makes me feel pulled in two opposing directions. But anyone of any ideology can be dysphoric and transition because it helps them cope. I don't think that my opinions, or my choice to hang out with radfems, means that I'm self-hating, or even that I'm going against the needs of my own trans demographic. My own trans demographic is just all too good at confusing wants with needs... generally speaking. I see sex and gender the way I do because it makes sense to me personally, and I don't even argue that it's necessarily the objective truth. I don't think there is such a thing. It's just my truth, my perception of the world.

That I can't make myself see myself as a man for real, despite my dysphoria and transition, doesn't mean that I think it's wrong to transition, or that my body is damaged by it, or that transitioning is useless. Because it's not. I love my transition and everything it has given me. I'm comfortable with my transitioned body. It deserves love, especially my love. And although I still struggle with some insecurities, I feel like I love my body. It's been... incredibly good to me. It's stayed very healthy, and even keeping up a strong immune system despite my smoking, self harm, careless sexual escapades, etc. I may still have a fraught relationship with being female, but as long as I transition, I seem to be managing it fairly well. Except then I have a more fraught relationship with society instead. Can't win, but that's life, innit?

I don't think either my transness or my political opinions are my real problem or ever was. I think it's society's constant fighting about trans people's genders, lives and choices, that makes me constantly cave in on myself. Can't handle the pressure.

It feels like it's only ever getting worse. Ten years ago my biggest concern was people not ever finding me attractive because I was turning myself into some kind of a freak, which luckily I was proven to be wrong about. Five years ago my biggest concern was nonbinary people trying to normalize asking people their pronouns, which made me fear that people would never leave me alone about my gender, unless I forced myself to be hyper-masculine, which I still worry about. Three years ago my biggest concern was having been stripped of my sex-based rights and dehumanized for how I had chosen to treat my dysphoria, which I still worry about as well, and now...

...my biggest concerns are being treated as a third gender, fetishistic predator who should be shoved away into gender neutral spaces, and I fear that one day medical transition will be taken away as an option to treat dysphoria if transness is continued to be rejected as a medical condition. My heart rate is ever increasing. Can I even realistically "just go on with my life" anymore? I feel compelled to do something, but I also feel like there isn't anything I can do. No matter how many people I try to "educate" about dysphoria and why transition is incredibly important, all the while being as humble as I can, I am seriously lacking behind the much faster spread of harmful misinformation.

Thing is, I do not blame gender critical people for spreading some of that misinformation. For example of trans women as fetishistic predators, which people apply to trans men when they still fail to understand that MtF is not the only kinda trans there is, or when we dare to be just a little bit feminine while passing as male. If anything, I blame the true sources of such harmful claims, which slowly increase my anxious heart rate, over years, turning into decades, of living as openly trans. I blame opportunistic men who pretend to be trans women for gaining access to women's spaces, be it prisons, spas, shelters, sports, what have you, when they cannot possibly be dysphoric judging by how happily they swing their dicks around women as if it's no big deal and make no attempt at transitioning, but also who cares if they are dysphoric, no one should behave that way either way. I blame the trans rights activists who say lesbians have to suck dick if it's attached to a trans woman, and those who say that gay men have to be into pussy and date trans men. I blame those who say that trans women are bio female by virtue of identifying as female, and claiming that they can get periods, by virtue of... bowel cramps?! I'd also blame those who try to change female specific language on behalf of shielding trans men from our own dysphoria, in the rare cases we'd end up getting pregnant or manage to drag our asses to the gyno office for a pap smear, which... most of us really don't, regardless of if you call us women or uterus-havers, sincerely, please stop. It makes people think trans women are trying to take over the term "woman" entirely for themselves, which of course they don't.

I could go on, but I won't, as this post is not about these things. It's more so about how estranged I feel from the people who spout these things, knowing that they think they're speaking for me and my supposed needs as a tranny. But I see no point in trying to educate them, as they won't listen any more to me than they would to a radfem, and again, I think this post in my screenshots shows just how unwilling they are to listen to me.

I guess living with my transition on constant display is what's hard, and I guess I just need to vent about that, as it's always judged one way or the other; as either me having made myself into a man, or that I'm a delusional woman who mutilated herself; and it's kinda hard to find a kind and sane middle ground, that perhaps I'm just a victim of circumstances, and trying to make the most of my own life, regardless of what the fuck I am. That social shit, on top of dealing with dysphoria, makes it really difficult to not hate myself, I guess. But I have tried to live stealth and that made it if possible even worse, as it felt like I was lying, keeping a huge secret that grew in me like a spreading virus.

What I want is to just live my life, and for neither my bio sex, nor my transition, to stop me from doing that. I want to work through the worst of my autism, enough to be able to pursue a career in some low-paying labor, blue-collar job; get a car and driver's licence, find a suitable husband to have a child and cats with; I want my own garden, an art studio; I want to build muscle to become strong and even more independent (and perhaps strong enough to carry that husband, but at least to carry myself), and so on. When I picture myself in that potential future, it is with this male-like appearance I transitioned my body into, but it is also as a mother and wife.

And thinking about all of that makes me happy, it makes me smile and feel joy, meaningfulness, hope... While thinking about arguing online with some miserable fuck, who's deadset on arguing semantics and calling me a terf, when all I wanted was to show a little bit of kindness, that "hey, I agree with you, you make a good point here, and I'm not here to fight" only to be spat right back into my face... just makes me feel sad. Whatever happened to diversity of opinion? It's gone, it became labeled as bad, and left people like me with no place to be.

There is no point in arguing with such people, or even trying not to argue. There's no winning in that, there's no reward, no accomplishment. It's better to walk away.

I know I just have to get over this, this inner conflict of going against my transness with my gender critical opinions, and that I'm going against my womanhood with my transition - and be stronger than the political climate that's pulling me into pieces. But if it's peace that I want... I can just forget about it. There's no road there. But I have trouble letting go of that simple dream. The internet is constantly manipulating me into thinking I have an exciting social life, when in fact it's non-existent, and the lie is destructive. With internet vs real life, I'm living a double life. One of those lives has a future, the other one does not.

I'm glad I made this rant. It actually made me feel better, and reminded me that it's still worth it. Being trans, moving forward, focusing on what is good and what can become good in life. And it reminded me that the internet is merely an imitation of life, a substitute for human connection, and can... as with much else, be both good and bad.

[im-a-space-gay]

Welcome to Camp Sanders!

(I’ve downloaded three translators to find out half the time Google Translate was either the only one getting it right or the only one getting it wrong. If there is any mistakes in any language besides English, I am sorry as I only speak English fluently [ha, fluently]. Also yes, ANOTHER AU. Look, I’m idea/story fluid along with gender fluid. Deal with it.)

“I do not see the point of summer camp,” a fourteen year old boy stated, looking out the car window in resentment towards the camp and kids of varying ages running around.

This boy’s name was Logan Lee Lucy, born November 3rd in Japan and moving to the U.S. when he was three. With black hair pushed away from his eyes that were sapphire blue, he wore rectangular glasses and a black T-shirt with gray shorts. Normally he wore polos and ties, but his awful mother said that was too formal for where she was sending him.

Camp Sanders.

Camp Sanders was a summer camp for kids from eight to eighteen, and was in the middle of a forest without anything around it. It was a place for kids to find and pursue interests, and there was plenty activities from outdoors to indoors, pleasing every kid.

Every kid, except for Logan, of course.

“You need to spend some time in the sunshine and make friends,” his mother said in response, and Logan huffed, crossing his arms and sliding down the seat.

“Friends are for spineless maggots who are dependent on others for happiness,” Logan glared, and his mother sighed.

“No wonder why you’re never happy.”

“I’m happy plenty, I’ll have you know!” Logan lied, finally unbuckling his seatbelt, and grabbing his backpack.

“Alright,” his mother said, twisting around to look at him with a smile from the driver’s seat. “Just... try to have a nice summer, okay? I love you.”

“I love you too,” Logan said before leaving, grasping his backpack straps as he stared down the streams of kids, his mother driving away behind him. He was just about to follow the children before someone poked his shoulder. He looked over to see a boy that was probably his age, smiling widely.

He was fairly tan, with a infinite amount of freckles and curly orange locks with bright blue eyes. When Logan paid attention to the smile, he could see a small gap between his two middle incisors on the top. He had a baby blue crop top and khaki short shorts, with a pink backpack and round glasses.

“Hiya! I’m Patton Hart, fourteen, he/him!” He said, sticking his hand out to shake, which Logan did with a raised eyebrow.

“Logan Lucy, fourteen, he/him.”

“Nice to meet ya Logan!” Patton smiled wider, and Logan picked up on a small Irish accent. “Now, I’m no expert, but are you new?”

“Yes?” Logan blinked, wondering if he was that obvious before something else crossed his mind. “Wait, some people come here repeatedly?”

“Yeppers!” Patton said, pointing at himself. “I’ve been here for three summers before this one, and I’m friends with most that keep coming here! I just really love this camp! Among other things....”

Patton murmured the last part with a blush, suddenly acting shy as he fiddled with his earlobe with a tiny smile. Logan would ask, but he was rather befuddled with this new information.

“So you come back to summer camp... because you want to?” Logan asked in desbelief, and Patton’s shy demeanor vanished as he nodded with a bright grin.

“Uh huh! Who knows, maybe you’ll do the same!” Logan scrunched his nose at the statement.

“Doubtful, but alright.”

“Now, I’ll help you get signed in since you’re in my age group!” Patton said cheerfully, taking Logan’s hand and dragging him with the rest of kids that were going to a giant building, which Logan found out was the mess hall upon entering.

Logan, after looking around the -rather aesthetically pleasing- hall, realized that Patton was talking to him and listened in.

“-onder which cabin you’ll be placed in!”

“Cabin?” Logan parroted, and Patton glanced in his direction before pulling him to a forest green table with a couple clipboards.

“Yep! You’ll be placed in a cabin based on age and sex -unless you’re trans, than you go in with the gender you identify with so you don’t feel dysphoria- and you get five bunk mates!” Patton explained, telling him to sign in while he checked which cabin Logan was placed in.

Logan finished his signature when Patton gasped loudly, and Logan jumped, looking at him in confusion. Patton faced him excited, showing the clipboard to him.

“You’re in the Sides cabin! THAT’S MY CABIN!” And before Logan could open his mouth, Patton gasped again with a worried look and turned the clipboard to him again.

After scanning it, he sighed in relief.

“Uh,” Logan intelligently said, and Patton looked up, blinking.

“Oh sorry, I was just checking who left the Sides cabin. It was just Dev, so no reason to worry!”

“Alright,” Logan nodded, feeling like he was missing something.

“Well,” Patton said, grabbing Logan’s hand again. “Let’s head to our cabin! You’re going to love the others!”

They were out of the mess hall before Logan could blink, Patton being in more of a hurry than before, they weaved through the crowd before arriving at a small cabin that looked exactly the same as the rest of the cabins, if you excluded the sign above the door reading “Sides”. Patton took a calming breath before opening the door, and everyone in the room looked over, making Logan flinch even as they looked at Patton with wide grins.

Two of the boys were undoubtedly twins of Hispanic origins, one wearing a red T-shirt and washed out overalls, while the other wore a green T-shirt and black overalls with holes, their dark brown hair swooping dramatically and brown eyes filled with energy. It seemed these two were playing tug-o-war with a small rope before they opened the door.

Another had dark skin with a splotch of a lighter skin tone on the left side of his face, black hair braided away from his eyes. His left eye was green, while his right was brown, and he had a yellow tank top with a two headed snake and ripped jeans. It appeared this one was recording what the twins were doing with a smirk on his lips.

The final one seemed to be the only one of American descent in the cabin, with pale skin and brown hair long enough that it covered his eyes and ears and touched the tip of his nose. He had a strange hoodie that mainly was black, but the sleeves had alternating black and purple stripes, and the hood and pocket were purple. He also wore black high-waisted shorts with black thigh highs that almost reached the shorts, leaving the smallest sliver of pale skin between them, and purple headphones around his neck. He was hanging upside down, halfway off one of the top bunks, showing his emerald eyes.

“Hiya!” Patton said excitedly, dragging Logan in behind him, making Logan barely have time to close the door behind him.

“Patton!” The twins yelled simultaneously, dropping the rope and running over to hug Patton, thankfully making him let go of Logan’s hand so he could back away from the group hug.

When they pulled away, they looked at Logan, and smiled near-identical grins.

“Who’s this you brought with ya?” The one in red asked, making Logan happy when he stayed out of his personal bubble. Patton gasped and clapped, gesturing widely to him.

“Everybody, this is our new bunk mate, Logan! Logan, meet everybody!”

“Hi?” He said confused, and Patton pointed at the twins.

“These are Roman and Remus Royal, the twins! Roman wears red and Remus wears green,” Patton explained, and Logan nodded, making a silent note that the twins were color-coded. Then Patton walked over to the dark skinned one and slung an arm around him. “This is Janus Smith, a ball of sarcasm and friendship!”

Janus snorted, waving before saying, “less friendship, more snake.”

Logan blinked confused, wondering what that meant but Patton was already bounding toward the one hanging precariously from the bed, blush on his face.

“And this is Virgil Storm! He’s really anxious, listens to music a lot, and speaks any language except English out of spite, I’ve been told. He still understands English though!”

“こんにちは,” Virgil nodded, biting his lip. Logan nodded back, pleasantly surprised when Virgil spoke in his home language.

“こんにちは。英語を話してみませんか?” Logan asked, and he saw the others looking confused while Virgil smiled.

“私の家族は英語しか話せません。私は家族が嫌いです。”

Logan rose his eyebrow but nodded.

“Okay.”

“Anyways,” Patton said, dragging everyone’s attention to him. “It’s nice to see you all again!”

“You too!” The twins chimed, Janus nodding.

“Tú freisin Patton,” Virgil said, finally moving so he was not about to fall off the bed, covering his eyes with his bangs, and Logan was pretty sure Patton was blushing again. Probably because of everybody saying it was nice to see him as well.

At least, he thinks Virgil said that. Logan only spoke English and Japanese, not whatever that was. Though that did make him curious how many languages Virgil knew.

“So, shall we play twenty questions?” Janus questioned as Logan and Patton put their stuff on the remaining bunks. Everybody was quick to agree (wow okay he was going to have to get used to people speaking languages he didn’t understand), and Logan had only one thought as he watched Janus play catch with the twins, with Patton telling them how his year was and Virgil occasionally muttering to him in Japanese that he wished Logan luck with dealing with all of them.

Maybe this summer won’t be so bad.

[marvelandponder]

this is just a little thought i'm dumping into your asks lol but as a trans person (or more specifically someone on the multi-gendered non-binary spectrum), the entire concept of the body swap in EFTD is so interesting to me??

especially after that moment of sunset's discomfort with being referred to as he/him or being seen as a guy just because she was in timber's body – do any of the other characters feel anything similar or opposite?

i realise this may not have anything to do with the plot/subplots of EFTD but it's nice to theorise! clearly, rarity was having the time of her life in timber's body, it could just be a simple realisation of "hey i like masculine clothing more than i thought i did," or a "yeah i'm definitely staying away from skirts, not my thing" you know?

also don't worry if you can't answer this properly, i'm just curious!!

This makes me INCREDIBLY happy, I just want you to know 💖

I wanted to make EFTD feel okay for trans readers as much as possible. There's that small part in chapter 5:

Rarity laid her hand back on the topmost knee of her crossed legs. “Thank you, dear. Should we still refer to you as she and Timber, he/him, or would you say it’s the other way around?”

Sunset stared. “Oh. Uh, same as usual, I guess. I’m still me.” It made her swelteringly uncomfortable to have someone think she might be a gender she didn’t identify as just based on her body alone, but Sunset pushed that aside since it was considerate for Rarity to ask. Twilight seemed to cross one off her list. “Next question.”

Sunset feels uncomfortable with the idea that someone would see her as a different gender than who she identifies as, because ultimately, it's still her. Gender isn't based on anatomy and she doesn't want to be misgendered

Which, like, I always thought would come up with some characters in a body swap story! It's like a kind of dysphoria, I think! Why wouldn't it?

I will say, though, at the same time, that Sunset does seem to like some things that are considered masculine for her gender expression. She's clearly jealous of Timber’s muscles and would like to be more buff herself. And you won't see this for a while, but Sunset wears boxers sometimes.

And I love the fact that Rarity asks, it tells you a fair bit about her that she wouldn't just force what she thinks onto someone. She would ask and want to know what's most accurate and supportive, because of course she would!

I also agree, she's having a great time. I do love the idea of her exploring her gender more! So many fabulous ways to be!!!

As for other characters, I don't think this gets talked about, but Bevin and I joked/headcanoned that when Rarity is all fashionable at the soccer game as Timber and Flash and Twilight are gawking at her, Twilight, currently in Flash’s body, has a boner and doesn't know what to do about it. 😂 Like, if you don't know that she has that in that scene (like Sunset and we the readers) it still makes perfect sense why Twilight's freaked out, but it's a headcanon I like because it definitely adds to that scene.

I think some characters totally are finding things that they like about being another gender or in another body! I think Flash adores being anybody else but himself in general, with respect to his body image issues. Like even though he's hyper anxious about what the person in his body will notice, Flash is also very happy that he's someone slimmer at the moment. And I would say in general it makes sense to me that both Flash and Timber like to explore things outside of masculinity. I love what I've seen from your headcanons of them, even if I haven't explored that directly! Timber does wear makeup when he's back in his own body at one point, that's another tiny little spoiler for you :D

In the current cast, not everyone's been put into a body with a different gender presentation than their own, but still, realizing that there are different ways to present must be odd and cool to them. As well as totally disorienting. 😂

Full-disclosure: I think this body swap concept could be used to go even further into trans feelings and experiences than I have here. Long before Empathy, I had a story concept in mind to do a body swap story with MtF and FtM characters (and a nonbinary support), original characters and universe.

As a cis person, I don't know if it's entirely my place to tell a story like that. Would certainly be handled best by trans writer(s), if nothing else. But that's not to say I can't still write trans characters or a story that's respectful/inviting to trans readers, you know?

And I'm still deciding things for later in this universe, so I'd like to include at least one explicitly trans character in the main cast, but I'm still figuring out details like that, so I won't promise anything. Don't want to lead anyone on until I'm sure what I'm going with!!

So yeah, definitely means a lot that you've had that experience with the story, among other things!!

Honestly, I'd love to hear your headcanons about what you think the characters are thinking and feeling!!! Please share, anytime! 💖