#i have really bad attachment problems

[every-captain]

Sometimes I hear in my head the inflection my ex used to use when they said "im not going anywhere" while they assured me they'd be in my life forever, before they broke up with me and we never spoke again. And it lowkey haunts me whenever someone tries to assure me they're not going to leave my life.

I know, obviously, that there are always reasons and circumstances. And you can believe in forever in one circumstance and not be able to give forever in another circumstance.

But damn do I have an abandonment issue lmao

[inkskinned]

today i love the red metal crane in her long neck arching her body over the boston skyline, which means i am okay for a moment. when i am unwell, everything is a little ugly. i always tell myself look for the beauty but when it is bad, i will look at birds and sunsets and little ducklings and feel absolutely nothing.

when my brother got his puppy, i was in a deep depression. what kind of monster isn't affected by a puppy. i was gentle and kind to her - i just didn't have an emotional reaction. she's five now and i feel like i spend all of our interactions apologizing to her - i don't know why. i just didn't feel anything. how embarrassing. i feel like if i admit that, i'll seem cruel and jaded. it comes in waves. like, two months ago when i went out into the world - it was like that. life behind a pane of stormglass. a firework could go off over your head - nothing. like dead skin, no reaction. not to ice cream or rainbows or baby chickens. life foggy and uninteresting.

i love goslings again. i love their little webbed feet splayed over grass. i love good food and live music and long walks. i like puppies. i feel like some kind of my soul has been starved - i keep staring at everything with wide eyes, trying to burrow the sensation into my stomach. it's real. beauty is real. when it's bad again, remember this. i stop and smell the flowers, feeling cliche in the moment. i like the white-to-red ombre of my neighbor's roses. i like colorcoding and yoga and cold drinks. i try to pass my hands over every moment, feeling like i'm squeezing joy out of every instant. remember this. for the love of god, it's real - just remember this.

[beeduoo]

wonderful

[anthromimicry]

[horrorwebs]

why are men literally the fucking worst

[qqqqqqqqqqq0]

i've been having some trouble falling asleep lately

[blujayonthewing]

I spend a lot of time trying to figure out the best way to diffuse direct sunlight on a sketchbook for a guy who never even actually does any outdoor sketching anymore

[angelsdean]

must everything be SO polarizing like literally people are doing the most over a shitty cw show as if we all have not watched a shitty cw show (spn)

[starlit-mansion]

to be honest... i barely glanced at tumblr for the last 3 days and i'm only looking at it now because work is too boring to deal with without distracting myself, and i honestly did feel a lot better without it

[rosadomeadows]

I know I haven’t touched this blog in some time but I need to get this off of my chest!

I love being a girl, I love being a woman, but sometimes I have this fantasy where I am a nameless, gender less being who has the wackiest fashion and doesn’t care about identifiers. Am not brave enough to come out as nonbinary (at least not yet… Future Self is under a lot of pressure) but I often think about the nicety of being ambiguous and purely just living without any of the gender norms and expectations!!

[seriial]

u ever accidentally manic-pixie-dream-boy someone. then they fall in love with you. and now u don’t know how to undo it. IM SORRY I FUCKED U THEN TOOK U TO BATTLE OF THE BANDS THE NEXT DAY PLEASE JUST STAY MY *FRIEND* WITH BENEFITS !! emphasis on FRIEND like please lord please make them stop liking me

[luxraydyne]

pop quiz what breed of childhood trauma borne neuroticism is it called when being condescended to on just the most neutral, limpid, nothing thoughts you express like you’re a little silly child, or “out of your depth”, or woefully misinformed, or just speaking on something you shouldn’t cause fuckin hell you’re doing it *wrong*, and with the most plainly obvious remark too, makes you want to chew on your own arm until you reach bone marrow

[hatterstea]

Why, if you feel you must put a tall toilet in a room with 2 toilets, did you feel the need to make //both// of the toilets tall

[sadrockandwaltzes]

twttin movie comments/review

I present the movie That Was Then This Is Now, this time with commentary.

THEY MADE BRYON BLOND!!! HE LOOKS EXACTLY HOW I PICTURED MARK IN THE BOOK!! HOW ARE THEY GOING TO COMPARE MARK TO A LION EVERY FIVE SECONDS WHEN HE'S NOT BLOND?? I also imagined Bryon being shorter, but whatever 😅

XD not Bryon being too embarrassed to put on a seatbelt *looks away from Mark's judgement "just slow down, alright?"

Did Mark and Bryon have a friend named Terry? I know there was a Charlie and past that I can't think of any friends at all

Something seriously funny about Mark wearing a modified letterman jacket. Does he even play sports?

"Oh you shouldn't have. You're spending all your money on me" *stolen rose from literally the other room

Sleeps naked??

Cathy doesn't look how I imagined her.. actually I think she didn't even look how I imagined her in the book😅I imagine her with straight light brown or strawberry blond hair and M&M with dark brown/black, and one of them was wrong. I really hope M&M isn't blond... he's gonna look like that token kid from the baseball movie

Boy wastes no time flirting

Terry's good! Geez! *Was it a thing for cars to have 3 seats in the front? Or maybe it's a van?

NOOOOOOO HE'S BLOND!!!!! HE HAS A PAGE BOY HAIRCUT : ((((((( WHAT DID THEY DOOOOO HE DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE A BASEBALL KID, HE LOOKS LIKE AN ARCADE PUNK!!! WHERE'S HIS SAD DOG EYES AND LONG HAIR?? And he looks kinda bored/annoyed

Bryon really just spit in his bag of m&Ms -_- what's wrong with you

NO don't you dare jump my boy m&m!! He's like 12!

That's Curly???

"You're taking M&M's sister? I thought you were going with me and the boys : ( "-Mark to Bryon

Charlie's really too good that he would let Bryon borrow his CAR 😧

That's a snazzy stolen shirt. Wonder where he got it from🤔

The dad has fused with the chair

M&M's name is HOWARD?? XD what do you mean you can't tell him and Cathy apart?? He has short straight blond hair and she has long wavy dark hair. Huh??? *Like in the book I had to change one of their hair colors to make it fit, but I at least imagined them looking alike. They don't look alike and he doesn't look like a girl!

XD is the dad really going to take this time to just complain about M&M?? Bryon's here to pick up Cathy, why would he want to hear a father's grievances about his younger child??

YES M&M TELL IT TO HIM STRAIGHT

*also though, if they don't want him looking like a girl, don't give him a vest that kinda looks like a woman's exercize top🤷

Like this dad is so focused on his son that he doesn't even have a problem with this boy taking out his daughter and wearing a really flamboyant and revealing top that's 3/4 of the way unbuttoned. I'm shocked.

HAVE HER HOME BY MIDNIGHT?? AND THE DAD IS FINE WITH THAT?? I thought 10 is usually the limit, maybe 11

Seriously where did Cathy get her dark hair genes

Was the door unlocked? Why's she waiting for him to open it?

Mark's pretty jealous huh🙄

Man Angela's pretty.. you can really tell she's a Shepherd 😅why do her clothes and hair look messier for the dance than for school?? She looked pretty neat the first time we saw her

The dance looks kinda fun ngl

Who's the goldjacket?

???

XD way to try and ruin your boy's chances.

NOT MARK ACTING AS IF HE ARRANGED THE FIGHT TO DISTRACT BRYON FROM HIS DATE *"what?? He's not going to take the bait?? What do you mean his date's more important than his ego??"

XD the fake punches are really getting me.

Aw him and Cathy are pretty cute. Shut up Mark you loser! He's like some kind of dog🙄 She's only gonna steal your boy if you make yourself so unlikable

*evil glare 'Cathy. Ugh. How can I get them to break up?'

She bakes something! And it's carrot cake 😒 but for Bryon AND Mark! Look who's trying to extend the olive branch er carrot stick...

I guess he did get beat up

COMES OUT IN HIS UNDERWEAR🙄

ASKS HIM OUT!!! she's cool.

AND THEN HE INSULTS HER BAKING

??? I wouldn't wanna go near you either bro

*heavy foreshadowing

XD the mom "how'd you do that?" "Fight." "Well did you win??" Did they have headphones like that in the 60s🤨

*Mark playing the good son "I'll stay with you" probably pitying her now that they're both being abandoned by Bryon🙄

*Mark interrupting their kiss

Woww hits my boy with a poster a few times and then has the gall to ask for $10

AND THEN CUFFS HIS EAR AND THREATENS TO RIP IT OFF?? He ain't paying him back.. at least.. not with his own money🙄

Dang, he's inviting these rabble rousers to his wedding? Either he's really generous, or he doesn't have many friends

"It's really incredible, this marriage thing" Oh Boy🙄

These cowboys gonna beat these kids black and blue

What'd I say.

F#CKEN HELL!!! DEAD THAT FAST?? HE WAS SUCH A COOL GUY TOO!!

I have NEVER seen such an organized cemetery. They look like dominoes!

Poor guys :/ now the tuxedos will be for his funeral instead of wedding

Lot of nice shirts Mr. Boyfriend🤨

"Why don't you grow up" *bryon while drinking from the carton

Like hey man, y'all just watched your friend die. You can understand why he'd be a little snappy, right?

Juice?🤨

Bro your friend is in a bad way, heavy eye bags, he's asking to hang out with you cause he's lonely and everyone he loves keeps dying or disappearing. You idiot! Make time for him! I like Cathy, but at least make it brothers and others/lovers! Don't leave him out to dry like this!

Alright... But why would you bring him on your date -_- you know how Cathy and Mark feel about each other. He would push her off a cliff if he thought he wouldn't go to jail and you'd forgive him for it.

Man I love M&M so much

Mark is a bad influence on him😔

"Did I ask for fries, buddy?" "Noo : ( " "Then no fries."

What a weird car.

"Guess we're fighting over you. It's funny, isn't it." Yeah, real funny. Dude being super possessive of his brother/crush/best friend and trying to ruin your lives🙄

Bro where's M&M's necklace?? How are we supposed to know he's a hippie?

Rainbow curtains? What's that about? *I guess the mom likes color..? The rest of the house is kinda boring though

Geez she's angry, huh!

So that's why he works at the grocery store🤨well I think her shirt just looked like his uniform.. she's a waitress after all

So they haven't had the head shaving incident yet or mentioned the principal's car.. and still waiting to meet Ponyboy

WOW BRINGING A GIRL HOME???? TO THE BEDROOM YOU SHARE WITH YOUR BF WHO HATES YOUR GF??? REAL CLASSY. DIDN'T THINK HE'D MIND MY @SS

Poor Mark :/

"I got it covered"🤨=_= do you now.

"You wanna go look for him with me tonight" *torn between hanging out with Bryon and getting stuck with him and his girl

"She can't go. It's just you and me." *fake Deliberating, but we already know the answer

That's a pretty good smiley face

"Hey, this is great, huh?" "What is?" "You and me together, just like old times" Yeah, if we forget the fact that you're looking for your missing friend

"Yeah, just don't remember it being this boring" BRO THAT WAS COLD what do you want, to start necking with him too? Would that be boring?

and of course Mark takes that as permission to drive recklessly *you asked for it Bryon

*Angela slithering over like a snake, closeup of Mark looking like he's barely restraining himself from busting her head open

guess this is when it happens.

Mark's smart, he knows that if Cathy found out she might break up with his boy, and even if she didn't, they'd get to have some bonding revenge together

XD bro it looked like Bryon just drank washing detergent

Man she's really cuddling up to Mark of all people, not even the ex

Whatchu mean out cold, she's still shaking like a kid pretending to sleep spothat they can eavesdrop on their parents

"I sure hate to see gutsy chicks break. Destroys my faith in human nature." Mine too : (

Man, not even a razor. Gonna leave her looking like a ragdoll. I thought Bryon helped cut off the hair too🤨

least subtle exit ever XD

"It seems like when you try to help people out you just end up getting f#cked, y'know?"- foreshadowing

"Nobody on my side has eyes that color. Nobody on your side neither" No duh, your eyes are golden.

"That's just what it sounded like. Fire crackers." He's right though, people always used to do fireworks in and around where I live and it always sounded like gunshots. Every so often when it was a single bang I wondered if it was, but no news reports, or none that I heard of anyway... Not sure about firecrackers though. Aren't those kind of a small bang?

Bryon doesn't even know the story of how he came to live with them? Past the shooting I mean

"I don't like... anybody... hurting me.." watch yourself Bryon

Mark who knows where he is🙄

*Bryon judging people, Mark getting defensive *hey don't judge people*I'm not judging people! *I just don't like to see you judging people Like C'mon Bryon, you're acting like an adult : ( don't you even think about how your friend views himself as similar to these people and you're judging him too without realizing?

Mark probably relates/feels for M&M with the whole father business

They got out of jail fast🤨

They still haven't had the jumping kids and that scene with Mike.. guess jumping kids was skipped

Doing a fight on an apartment's doorstep? That's guys what if someone called the cops?

Seriously, who was that guy in gold?? He just appeared for like 2 seconds

"I have to tell you something.." "what is it, Bryon man??" "I don't.. want anyone to fight the Shepherds." *SHOCK "What're you talking about, man??" "I just had enough of it, getting even" "You're not thinking straight" <- somewhat incorrect quotes. What is this, some huge confession? ("Mom, dad.. I have to tell you something.." "You're a what?!?")

You can tell Mark is gonna get revenge anyway..

>: ( "what're you tryna do to me man? You won't hang out with me, you won't steal or jump kids anymore, don't engage in fights or payback,, you trying to break my heart over here??"*sounds close to tears (<- incorrect quotes)

Aw the real quote's kinda cute

"What the hell you tryna do to me man." "What." "What." "What." "WHAT!" "What the hell you tryna do to me Bryon,*holding back tears* huh?" "How do you think this makes me feel, man. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THIS MAKES ME FEEL! You think I don't know they beat the shit outta you for something I did? HUH? And here you are, man, practically saying you had it coming to you, when it was ME who cut Angela's hair! I PLANNED IT, I DID IT, AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GETS NAILED FOR IT! How do you think I feel, Bryon🥺*pregnant pause* Man if they had killed you it would've been my fault.."

*Mark runs from the conversation "and that was the last we saw of him" jk

But what I wanna know, where we're all the hippies when they came earlier? On a field trip? They haven't been in town..

They replaced the spiders with colors?

XD Mark is his favorite "Where's Mark? You guys are always together! Where's Mark? I have to see Mark, I got to see Mark!"

YO! THAT'S A CHANGE! Mark was not this kid's drug dealer! He was _A_ drug dealer!

"He's a f#cken bascket case!" F#CK YOU!!! *Thank you Cathy

Man I remembered Bryon being a lot more sympathetic in the book..

What's up with so many 80s shows with a random stop sign on a kid's wall? Was it trendy or something?

XD Bryon sitting in the mom chair!! ("Where have you been?? It's past midnight!!")

He's so angry he can't even speak

"Jesus.. that's terrible" NO DOI

"I want you to leave Mark." YOU DIDN'T!!! THIS IS HIS HOME JUST AS MUCH AS YOURS!!! DRUGS OR NO DRUGS, YOU ARE NOT TURNING HIM OUT TO THE STREETS LIKE SOME HEARTLESS BASTARD!!

And then you wonder why he wants you dead

"You're not my brother, man." 'O@O' 😱

"I love you, Bryon" SO! DESPERATE!! "I got nowhere else to go!"

YOU TAKE HIS HOUSE AND NOW YOU WANT TO TAKE HIS CAR?? F#CK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I understand why people hate Bryon so much.. I'll have to reread the book to see if he was really this callous

How long passed?? Angela still has a full head of hair, shorter of course, but still

"Y'know you look really good with short hair, Angel" In the book he was feeling empty and meant that genuinely.. this just sounded like he was mad and being rude

Them eyebags. Yeesh. Really ordering anything he can, huh? How much money you got on ya pal?

HEY HOLD UP! THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO GO! My boy was supposed to have destroyed all his relationships, burned every bridge (other than his mom's) what's this halfbaked happy ending! We're supposed to go full on tragedy here! And where's Curtis? I haven't seen his ugly mug once this whole movie! What's that about, huh? I'm over here tryna figure out why on earth people are shipping him with Curly, and you can't even do me the honor of seeing him once. I get it, not enough time, right?

Geez that's one dramatic cell. They have this much room for every inmate? Looks like they're about to go ballroom dancing and then pull out knives and slit each others' throats

"How ya doin buddy." BAD START BAD START!!

"How you doin." "It's under control."

"I wanted to see you Bryon."

"Pretty cool place to live in for a while. It's like.. reality, man."

*intense eye contact the whole time* "Oh just commiting your face to memory so I'll remember to kill you later"

*closeup of intense face

Don't get too close to him man!! What if he jumps you??

Not Mark holding back tears : (

Why hasn't he said sorry yet?? Book Bryon was a puddle of guilt at this point!! At least he's holding back tears too now

Bro really just went 'call me' with the hand sign

"Lighten up dude. Everything's gonna turn out ok." FR??? HAPPY ENDING??

Kid got the girl and the boy

Hotwiring a car?? You tryna get thrown in with your buddy? Or maybe you're tryna become him??

??? Watch where you're going doofus

😦

What did I just watch. Was that a happy ending? Will Mark forgive him and go home with him?? You know you'd think being rated R they would've kept the miserable canon ending... can't say I miss it though. BUT WHAT THE HECK! Cut out some scenes I like, an important character, and you got Bryon back with Cathy??? How's that gonna go when Mark comes home because apparently he's coming home?? As a famous author once said, "either this wallpaper or me has got to go." (Oscar Wilde, paraphrased) (full quote is: "My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us must go." Isn't that just the coolest? I wish my last words could be half as cool as that)

[down-thedrain]

oh i remembered why i make so many aus.. its because when i think about canon my squirrel brain makes so many theories it one shot kills me. there's canon tmc which makes me insane and then there's fanon tmc which i am normal about. and then i see canon and lose it

dude canon tmc........... idk how to explain it but as much as i like seeing this world of utter despair it's also a little tiring cuz you know there's only one way this can end and it's like. man. it just sucks cuz i want them to be happy for at least a little bit because it makes the intense despair feel impactful but like. if it's just a never-ending stream of misery it kinda gets to the point where it's like. oh. the same as always. does that make sense

[nanowired-lover]

putting the lil "Japanese 80s City Pop Songs" playlist to destroy my morning executive dysfunction because the vibes are immaculate and it feels like you're in those domestic movies where you see the characters living their little routine in their house and so you're just mimicking the energy

Also it cures depression, i forgor world is a fuck and i'm going to be so happy while filling paperworks ✨