#i have one tooth less today that i did yesterday

[mxwhore]

[fingertipsmp3]

Just had the weirdest job interview in my life and now I’m eating a big cookie. How is everyone

[willows-escape]

My Angel - 1990!Erik x Reader

Pairing: 1990!Cherik x AFAB!Reader (gender neutral pronouns/language)

Summary: You woke up that morning expecting a peaceful, regular day, but you were quickly proven horribly wrong as things began to travel down south. Fortunately, Erik is there to try and relieve some of the pain - even if it is excruciating.

Warnings(/Tags?): menstruation, descriptions of extremely painful periods (adenomyosis/endometriosis), erik is dramatic but its okay he has an excuse, nausea, mentions of vomit but no actual vomiting, early 1900s appropriate period shame, blood and heavy bleeding, brief mention of reader not eating all day but it's only due to lack of appetite, reassurance, fluff!!!!, like TOOTH ROTTING sweetness!!!!

Words: 6.9k

Notes: this isn't what i originally planned to post today, but i have adenomyosis and when my periods come they come bad and the pain is making me feel very sorry for myself. and i did promise something soon. so this is just self indulgent fluff in the mean time.

the other thing i was writing will be entirely gender neutral, so people who do not at all identify with menstruation or just don't want to read about it will hopefully enjoy that when it's done!

DISCLAIMER - this is based off of my experiences with periods, which will not look like most because I have a gynaecologic condition. but if you do 100% relate to this, go see a doctor! like, yesterday!

The morning began like any other, with a restless night's sleep behind you. As you stirred awake, you found yourself alone in bed, but a smile crept across your face as you noticed the lingering warmth on the sheets beside you - a subtle reminder of a certain someone’s recent presence.

Succumbing to the lethargy that clung to your limbs, you reached for the nearest available outfit. The garments were wrinkled and well-worn, but they served their purpose of preserving your modesty. You slipped them on, grateful for the barrier they provided against the cool morning air, despite their less-than-pristine condition.

As you emerged from your bedroom, you stumbled, the door slamming shut behind you with an echoing thud. Your body felt leaden, each limb weighed down as if filled with concrete. Shafts of light piercing through the stone crevices assaulted your eyes, intensifying the dull throb that had begun to pulse at your temples.

"Erik?" your voice cracked, barely above a whisper. The name came out as a hoarse, groggy mumble, hardly recognizable even to your own ears.

Despite your feeble attempt at calling out, Erik appeared before you almost instantly, as if summoned by your whisper.

"Y/N! You're up," he said joyfully, his body adorned in one of his special going out outfits, "much earlier than usual, may I add. I was in the middle of preparing us a picnic before you have to go back up but-"

His gaze finally narrowed onto your hunched form, his previous relaxed expression shifting to one of concern. Your dishevelled appearance was evident - your hair in disarray, your eyes glazed over, bloodshot, and unfocused. It was clear that you were far from your usual self, and to put it lightly, appeared extremely unwell.

"What is the matter?" he asked. You hadn’t noticed it before, but the picnic basket he had been holding clattered to the stone floor, forgotten in an instant as his full attention focused on you.

As though his question was the trigger, a wave of nausea crashed over you. Your chest constricted, forcing you to hunch over even further. Your skin flushed hot in an instant, beads of sweat forming and quickly multiplying across your skin.

"Angel, what's wrong?" Erik's voice trembled, his words tumbling out in a rush. Had you been more lucid, you might have felt a pang of guilt for causing him such distress.

"I'm fine," you mumbled unconvincingly. His hand gently rested on your shoulder, and instantly your body betrayed you. The comforting touch seemed to signal to your system that it was safe to let go, and suddenly, you felt overwhelmed by a surge of nausea and dizziness.

A dull ache blossomed in your lower abdomen. Your breath caught in your throat as you instinctively pressed a hand against your stomach. The discomfort flooded your senses as your face contorted, a grimace etching itself across your features as you struggled to maintain composure.

Within moments, the discomfort escalated from a mild annoyance to an all-consuming agony that left you immobilized.

Shivers began to wrack your body. Your legs turned to lead, a numbing sensation creeping up from your toes. Simultaneously, a searing, deep-seated ache took root in your lower back.

If Erik was worried before, he was panicking now. His eyes widened with alarm, his breathing quickened, and his usually steady hands began to tremble visibly. The calm composure he typically maintained crumbled in an instant, replaced by an overwhelming sense of dread and urgency.

Your legs buckled beneath you, your vision blurring as you felt yourself wilting towards the unforgiving stone floor. Erik sprang into action, his arms shooting out to catch you. The world spun as he scooped you up, your body limp in his grasp. A sharp cry escaped your lips as the sudden movement sent a jolt of agony through your core, the comfort of his embrace overshadowed by the searing pain that threatened to consume you.

With swift strides, Erik navigated the winding halls, cradling you protectively in his arms. He retraced your earlier path, arriving at the door you had just exited moments ago. With a forceful kick, he flung it open, revealing the familiar sight of your shared bedroom.

"I'm going to set you down onto the bed," he explained slowly, his voice a soothing balm to your frayed nerves. "I’ll be as careful as I can."

When he gently pulled back the blanket on your side of the bed, you felt a slight jostling. Your attention, however, was abruptly drawn by a sharp intake of breath, his gasp cutting through the silence of the room.

"Erik?" you mumbled weakly. Your words were abruptly cut off as another wave of pain tore through your abdomen, causing you to cry out involuntarily.

Once more, you felt yourself being moved, this time to Erik's side of the bed. Confusion clouded your mind - why the change? But as you weakly lifted your head, the reason became starkly clear.

"Oh god-" you gasped, your eyes widening in shock at the sight before you. The vivid crimson stain on your side of the bed was impossible to ignore, its stark contrast against the pale sheets making your stomach churn with a mix of embarrassment and dread.

“I need to go find Gerard, you need to be seen by a doctor,” he declared, voice urgent and desperate.

He finally lowered you onto the clean side of the bed, and your eyes instinctively sought his face. It was then you realised his mask was off, likely because he hadn't anticipated you waking so soon. Without the barrier, you could clearly see the stark pallor of his unmarked skin and the unmistakable fear etched across his features. His typically composed demeanour had given way to raw, unfiltered concern that was both touching and unsettling.

He turned to leave.

"Erik, wait," you gasped, your hand shooting out to grasp his arm. "The pain is... excruciating, I won't lie. But I don't think—"

Your words were cut short as another wave of agony crashed over you. A strangled whimper escaped your lips as you curled into yourself, your body trembling uncontrollably. The pain was all-consuming, leaving you breathless and disoriented. You clenched your eyes shut, willing the torment to pass, knowing all you could do was endure until it subsided.

"Where's the pain? Can you pinpoint where you're bleeding from?" his eyes darted across your form, taking in your dulled complexion and the sheen of sweat on your skin. "You're burning up. Do you have a fever?"

His questions came in rapid succession, but his touch remained gentle as he brushed your damp hair away from your forehead.

"I... um..." you hesitated, struggling to articulate through the pain. The situation presented a dilemma: discussing such a private matter with a man felt improper, yet the severity of your discomfort and the alarming amount of blood made it impossible to simply dismiss. You found yourself caught.

Another intense surge of pain rose in your stomach, but this one more overwhelming than the last. Your ability to speak fully vanished as your eyes clenched shut. Soft whimpers escalated into frantic, muffled cries as the relentless throbbing in your lower abdomen intensified, twisting your nerves and leaving you gasping for breath.

"Angel, please, tell me what’s going on," Erik pleaded, tenderly taking your hand in his. The desperation in his eyes was palpable as he watched you struggle to form words. “I really believe you need a doctor, please just let me-”

"No, please," you winced, your voice barely audible through gritted teeth. The words came out strained, a mixture of pain and embarrassment colouring your tone. "It's... it's not something I can easily explain," you paused, taking a shaky breath before adding, "it's rather private."

"Private?" he echoed, his voice a mixture of disbelief and concern. "Forgive my being impolite, but you are currently writhing in agony and bleeding profusely- how on Earth is that private!?"

"Erik," you implored, your eyes silently conveying your discomfort with the subject. However, his concern for your well-being trumped any social niceties. Undeterred by your unspoken plea, he persisted with his questions, determined to understand and help.

"If you explain what's happening, I might be able to help," he insisted. You gave him a sceptical look, but he pressed on, "my years in isolation weren't idle, I've acquired a vast array of knowledge from the countless books that have kept me company."

"It's just not appropriate for me to discuss this with you!" you cried in refute, your voice strained with both pain and embarrassment. Despite your best efforts to remain composed, your tone came out sharper than intended.

You silently prayed he would forgive you, considering the fact that you were enduring mind-boggling amounts of pain. Not only that, the fact you could distinctly feel the familiar warm leakage of blood trickling down your thighs and onto the bedsheets below was driving you utterly insane.

Shame coursed through you as your eyes fell upon the stark evidence of your debilitating pain staining the otherwise white sheets. Averting your gaze, you felt utterly exposed and vulnerable. An overwhelming desire to shield yourself from Erik's concerned stare gripped you, making you wish you could simply disappear.

However, your discomfort eased as Erik's touch changed. His firm grip on your hand softened, his fingers now tracing gentle patterns on your skin. Despite the worry in his eyes, you sensed his effort to stay calm for your sake.

Your heart tugged in your chest at the realisation.

"Y/N," he began, his voice tender yet hesitant as he tried to hold himself together. His gaze locked onto yours as he struggled to maintain his composure. "Please, put your shame aside for one moment and let me in- if only so that I can help you. It kills me to see you like this."

His ignorance of the situation was evident in the way his chest heaved and how he chewed the inside of his cheek with a vengeance. It was clear he believed you were in grave danger. You knew you needed to say something to ease his mind, even if it went against everything your instincts were telling you to do.

"Oh," you breathed, wincing as another wave of pain crashed over you. "It's... it's a delicate matter. Not something typically discussed in polite company."

"Do I look like polite company to you?" Erik's sarcastic retort was accompanied by a growing urgency in his previously calm ministrations. His eyes started to dart frantically between the blood staining your skin and your tired, visibly distressed face.

You took a deep breath, steeling yourself for Erik's potential upset. Despite your fears of his disgust or anger, of him calling you dirty or telling you to leave until you return to normal, a small part of you hoped he might be more understanding than expected. It was this glimmer of optimism that gave you the courage to finally speak.

"Erik," you began hesitantly, "are you familiar with the concept of... menstruation?"

The prolonged silence following your question spoke volumes. When Erik finally shook his head, it only confirmed what you had already suspected.

"Well," you began hesitantly, searching for the right words, "it's a process that occurs in people with uteruses. It involves bleeding and a lot of pain, typically happening monthly for one week out of the month. I don't really know much about the biological reasons behind it, but-"

Your explanation was abruptly halted as another shock of excruciating pain engulfed you. Erik, sensing your distress, quickly offered his hand. You latched onto it, your grip surprisingly fierce. As the agony intensified, your body convulsed against the sheets, and muffled sobs escaped your lips. You desperately willed the torment to stop, but it seemed endless despite your determination to endure.

"Fuck!"

Erik looked taken aback by your cussing, but seeing as you were squeezing his hand so hard he felt like your aim was to tear it off, he didn't focus on it too much.

Eventually, the pain faded back to its baseline ache - which was still extremely unpleasant, but manageable.

"I apologize," you coughed through your tears, your voice strained as you brushed away the beads of sweat trickling down your forehead.

"There's no need to apologize," he reassured, his voice filled with compassion. "I'm deeply concerned for your wellbeing, but I trust your understanding of this situation. If you say it's not life-threatening, I will trust you."

“Yeah, I'm definitely in no life threatening danger," you assured him, "but the pain is so intense, it almost feels like I am."

"It hurts so badly," you whimpered, tears welling up in the corners of your eyes, threatening to spill over. "Ever since I was young, I've had to live with such excruciating pain and such heavy bleeding that I can barely function or even leave my bed. It's so exhausting and I've lost count of the times I've passed out on dirty floors, lying in my own vomit because of this."

"I know, I know," he murmured, not truly understanding and internally slightly horrified but wanting to comfort you regardless. He gently wiped away your tears as they fell, his touch tender and reassuring.

"I'm so sorry," you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. "This is terribly embarrassing. You shouldn't have to witness this. You tried to regain composure, but the combination of physical discomfort and emotional vulnerability made it impossible to stem the tide of tears.

Suddenly, Erik began to move. Your attention was so focused on the hurricane of emotions swirling around your body that you barely noticed him shifting to your side of the bed. It wasn't until he began to lower himself onto the mattress beside you that panic set in, causing you to react instinctively.

"No, wait!" you exclaimed, your sudden outburst causing him to recoil in surprise. Realizing your tone, you softened your voice. "I'm sorry, but please don't sit there. I... I don't want you to get dirty."

"Dirty?" Erik repeated, his eyes flickering to the stain beneath him. A soft chuckle escaped his lips. "It's just blood, I mean really- it's not like I haven't been covered in my own fair share of the stuff. This small spot is hardly cause for concern."

"Erik, please, it's not just blood!" you insisted, the shame taking over as you looked at the spot where you'd bled. It didn’t help that you were in too much pain and felt far too weak to even do anything about it!

He raised an eyebrow at you. "How can it be 'not just blood'? Does your blood contain arsenic?"

You couldn’t help but groan at his sarcastic retort.

"Menstrual blood comes from a person's private areas," you grumbled, your cheeks burning with embarrassment as you tried to convey the gravity of the situation.

He paused for a moment, then replied, "well, that certainly wasn't the answer I expected, but it doesn't change my opinion. Blood is blood, no matter where it comes from. Besides, fabric—and people—can always be washed. You don't need to be moving around for the sake of preserving meaningless things, you need to rest."

"But!-"

"Now that that's settled..." he shrugged off the jacket he’d been wearing and eased himself onto the mattress, inching closer to your awestruck form.

You were utterly speechless. He just- and then he- and he said-

"May I hold you? I won't if it causes you pain," he asked, his voice earnest and gentle. His tender concern only added to your bewildered state.

Words failed you as Erik gently pulled you into his embrace. The warmth of his body enveloped you, offering a comfort you didn't realize you so desperately craved. Despite the momentary twinge in your abdomen as he carefully adjusted your position, you found yourself melting into his arms. In that moment, his presence was a bandage to your pain-wracked body and troubled mind.

"Is this position comfortable?" He inquired. His arm gently supported the back of your neck, while his other hand rested lightly on your upper arm, providing a comforting presence without applying pressure. You managed a small nod in response, grateful for his attentiveness.

"Good. Now, where does it hurt?"

As his hand began to drift lower, more particularly towards your thighs, you suddenly realized the direction his thoughts were taking. Your eyes widened in a mix of surprise and mild alarm.

"Wait, not there!" you exclaimed, immediately regretting your sudden outburst as a fresh wave of pain surged through you. You winced, silently chastising yourself for your impulsive reaction.

"Oh. My deepest apologies," Erik said, his voice tinged with embarrassment as he blinked sheepishly. "I wouldn't have touched you anywhere without permission, but when you mentioned the blood's origin, I assumed—well, I thought—"

"Yeah, I know what you thought," you laughed breathlessly, wincing as another flash of pain assaulted your insides. "But contrary to your guess, the pain is mainly in my lower abdomen. Still, I appreciate your... eagerness to help."

His hand, which had been hovering uncertainly, now settled gently on your stomach. The warmth of his palm seeped through your skin as he watched your face intently, searching for any sign of discomfort. Finding none, he took your relaxed expression as silent permission and began to move his hand in slow, soothing circles.

Your mind went blank.

The warmth of his hand on your stomach felt heavenly. The sensation was unlike anything you'd experienced before. While it didn't eliminate the pain by any means, it soothed the intensity more than you thought anything ever could. As his fingers traced slow, deliberate circles on your skin, you felt your entire body relaxing, tension melting away with each careful movement.

Your tears, once born of shame and torment, now flowed from sheer relief.

"Thank you," you sniffled, peace washing over you whilst your body finally began to relax. As your muscles slowly unclenched, the bed beneath you seemed to transform, becoming a soft, inviting cloud that cradled your aching form.

Erik could sense your growing ease just from the shift in your demeanour. He was well aware that the mattress and bed sheets were likely ruined, but your comfort and rest took precedence over any stains—especially ones that no one else would ever lay eyes on. And it wasn’t like he couldn’t always procure new clothes for you if your current ones were beyond saving.

"Rest now, angel," he murmured softly, his hand continuing its soothing motions. "I'll be here when you wake up."

As you drifted off into a peaceful slumber, Erik decided it was probably time to delve into those medical journals he'd long avoided.

What? He just preferred reading fiction, that's all.

As evening fell, you stirred from your sleep, immediately noticing the emptiness beside you. Your hand brushed against the cool sheets where Erik had been, confirming your suspicion—he had left your side some time ago. Disappointment creased your brow as you pondered his whereabouts.

You laid motionless on the mattress, your gaze fixed on the spot where Erik had been before you drifted off. The pain in your lower abdomen persisted, but it had noticeably diminished compared to earlier. Your skin felt clammy, and your throat parched, yet overall, you felt surprisingly okay.

"You're awake," a familiar voice called from the corner of the room.

Your frown melted away as you realized he hadn't left at all. True to his word, Erik had simply shifted to the corner of the room, maintaining his vigilant watch over you.

"It's 7:30 PM, which is quite an unusual time to start your day, don't you think?" he teased. You sat up, observing him sitting comfortably in the chair you two kept in the room for convenience's sake.

This time, he wore his mask, unlike earlier when you had awoken. Your gaze drifted downward, landing on the enormous tome in his hands—the bulkiest book you'd ever laid eyes on. Curiosity piqued, you gestured silently toward the literary behemoth he cradled, wordlessly urging him to elaborate on the book in his grasp.

"I know—this is definitely a hefty one. Thank god for chapter indexes," he remarked, weighing the book in his hands. "However, I must say, its contents are appallingly lacking in knowledge."

"How so?" you prompted.

"Well, this is supposed to be a medical journal, and yet, when I look for information on menstruation, it's woefully inadequate," he scoffed. "It merely states that menstruation is linked to the reproductive cycle and helps the uterus prepare for potential pregnancy. That's all."

"Well, that's still more than I knew before," you said with a shrug.

"It's obscene. I read in another book that it happens to half the population from around ages 16 to 50, and yet so many people have gone their whole lives not knowing why?" He shook his head in bewilderment. "And I thought science had come much further than that."

“You read another book? How many of these have you read?” you asked, astonished by his dedication.

“Oh, just whatever I had lying around. A couple dozen or so,” he replied, as if everyone just had dozens of books on medical knowledge floating around their abode. “But some of them were so old they attributed menstruation to miasma, so I didn’t pay much attention to those. And I also busied myself with books on herbal remedies and pain relief- apparently there’s this new medicine called Aspirin on the market? Exciting, but I can’t get a hold of that right now, unfortunately.”

As he rose from the chair, you noticed the stacks of books surrounding his feet. He hadn't exaggerated when he mentioned "a dozen or so" - they were all massive, thicker than any you'd ever seen! You racked your brain, trying to recall where in the cellars he might have been concealing these enormous volumes, but you couldn't remember ever spotting them before.

"I may be mistaken, but you seem to be feeling better than you did this morning," he observed, neatly arranging the books into orderly stacks rather than leaving them scattered haphazardly.

"Definitely," you nodded. "The pain is still present, but it's significantly less intense now."

"That's good," he replied, humming as he pushed his first pile to the side to work on the next. "You did give me quite a fright earlier. I thought... Well, I'm not sure what I thought."

"It's understandable. I mean, I'm not sure why, but I expected you to have some... slight awareness of the subject," you admitted, awkwardly averting your gaze.

Even though you knew Erik wasn't raised with the same rules and expectations as you, discussing menstruation still felt like breaching a taboo. The topic remained uncomfortable, despite your rational understanding that it shouldn't be.

"I do feel quite foolish for not being aware of it sooner. But then again, how many women do you think I've encountered in my life? Besides my mother, the answer is none. And even that meeting was brief," he said matter-of-factly.

You didn't really know how to respond to that, so you let a comfortable silence settle between you. Erik swiftly finished organizing his books, then hurried out to return them to their proper places. He reappeared within moments.

"Now, unless there are other aspects of your anatomy I should be aware of," he said with a hint of amusement, "I believe a bath is in order." His eyes darted meaningfully towards the bed, drawing your attention to the mess you had somehow overlooked. You were mortified as you realized the extent of the stains, which had spread far beyond where you'd expected, creating abstract patterns on the once-pristine sheets.

"Ugh, yes," you grimaced, suddenly noticing the uncomfortable layer of blood on your skin. "A bath is definitely overdue. But what about you? Have you had a chance to clean up?"

"You've been out for eleven hours. I bathed ages ago," he stated. "Just give me half an hour or so to boil some water for the bath. That way, you won't be freezing in there."

While you appreciated Erik's thoughtfulness, the sensation of dried, itchy filth on your skin was unbearable. The prospect of waiting even a moment longer to cleanse yourself seemed more daunting than enduring the bite of cold water.

"Don’t bother," you cringed, "I can't bear this feeling any longer. I need to wash off immediately, even if the water's cold. The discomfort of icy water is preferable to this... filth."

“Have some patience. It’s the late evening in a cellar right next to a lake, you’ll die from cold exposure,” he deadpanned.

Though you understood the logic behind his words, you couldn't suppress a playful pout. Erik's eyes rolled with amusement as he approached you on the bed. Leaning over, he tenderly pressed his lips to your forehead, the gentle gesture melting away your feigned disappointment.

"Are you sure you're not in too much pain right now? Tomorrow I'll ask Gerard to procure some herbs, but until then I have a few remedies I can try with items lying around," he asked, straightening up to look down at you with a raised eyebrow.

"It's bearable," you affirmed.

"Good," he said, moving towards the door. "Stay here while I set up the bath. If you need anything, just call for me."

“Trust me, I won’t be going far anytime soon.”

Thirty minutes later, Erik returned as promised. During the wait, you occupied yourself with daydreams and silent lamentations about your bodily predicament. You couldn’t help but be stuck on the thought that you’d be stuck like this until you were 50—you weren't even halfway through!

"Can you walk alright?" he asked, concerned about you putting any unnecessary strain on your body.

After considering your current condition, you replied, "I think I could manage, but would you mind carrying me to the bathroom anyway? I've heard blood leaves quite stubborn stains on stone."

Wordlessly, he obliged, gently cradling you in his arms. One arm supported your back while the other nestled beneath your knees. As he carefully lifted you, his eyes fell upon the crimson stain left behind. The sight of such copious bleeding caused a flicker of concern to cross his face, though he tried to conceal it.

You were supposed to bleed that much every month for a week straight without dying?

Pushing aside his alarming thoughts about your potential demise, he carried you carefully to the bathroom, his movements slow and deliberate. As he cradled you, you realized this level of attentiveness was something you could easily grow accustomed to. You made a mental note that future menstrual cycles would be spent here in the cellars, rather than hiding from him in the Opera Populaire as you'd done before.

"Thank you for today," you whispered, your voice filled with gratitude. As you spoke, you instinctively burrowed closer, finding comfort in the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath your ear.

He let out a low chuckle, tinged with self-deprecation. "Thank you? I've barely done anything noteworthy," he scoffed, a hint of frustration creeping into his voice. You couldn't see his expression, but you sensed the frown in his words. "To be honest, I feel rather inadequate. I wish I could have been more helpful to you in this situation."

"Don't say that," you insisted, nudging his chest with your head in retaliation. "You've gone above and beyond what most people would do. You've read dozens of books today just to understand me better. You've prepared a bath for me and prioritized my rest over your bedding. Most men would have either shooed me away or fled in your position."

A door creaked open, plunging you into momentary darkness as Erik gently lowered you to your feet. Your voice softened with emotion as you whispered, "your kindness and attentiveness mean more to me than words can express."

The gas valve hissed softly as it turned, gradually illuminating the bathroom. As your eyes adjusted to the light, you noticed a plush black towel draped over the edge of the tub, ready for use. On a nearby rack hung a set of fresh clothes—their style unmistakably reminiscent of Erik's wardrobe—waiting patiently for you to don them after your bath.

He cleared his throat loudly, a gesture you'd come to recognise as his way of masking his flustered state. "It's nothing extraordinary," he mumbled, his voice tinged with a mix of modesty and discomfort at the praise, "just basic human decency."

“But-“

"Is there anything else you need before I go to clean up?" he abruptly asked.

You sighed, giving him a pointed look for interrupting you. Deciding to let it go, you allowed the shift in conversation.

"I can manage from here, thank you," you hummed. "But would you mind fetching my sanitary belt from my bag? I'll need it after the bath."

“Sanitary belt?”

"Yeah. It's a belt that wraps around your waist and holds a sanitary towel in place to collect the, um, blood," you explained, awkwardly gesturing with your hands to illustrate. "You'll recognize it when you see it."

With a tender kiss on your forehead, Erik departed, promising to return with what you need.

The moment he left, you wasted no time shedding your clothes and depositing them in the nearby basket. Eager for relief, you eased yourself into the bathtub, a contented sigh escaping your lips as the pleasantly warm water enveloped you. The soothing heat melted away any lingering discomfort, allowing you to immerse yourself fully in the task of cleansing. With meticulous care, you began to wash away the day's troubles, savouring the unexpected comfort the bath provided.

He returned shortly after, placing the belt on the rack alongside your other necessities. Once again, he inquired about your well-being, prompting you to playfully scold him for his constant concern. Nevertheless, you reassured him that you were fine, adding that the warm bath water provided more pain relief than you had anticipated.

He seemed on the verge of making a sarcastic comment—likely along the lines of "I told you so"—but thought better of it. Bidding you a final goodbye, he left to strip and prepare the bed, allowing you to finish cleaning up in peace.

You continued this until the water was doing you more of a disservice than it was cleansing you. Pulling the drain cover open, you allowed the dirty water to flow out and empty the tub. Silently, you thanked Erik for installing this modern convenience in his home—one of the few upgrades he'd chosen, despite his ability to afford many more.

A chill crept over your damp skin, urging you to hasten your routine. Goosebumps prickled across your body as you quickly patted yourself dry with the towel, appreciating how he'd made sure it was black and not white. You then clumsily secured the sanitary belt around your waist, wincing at its familiar discomfort.

Immediately after, you slipped into the night shirt he had provided. The loose-fitting trousers were a blessing, their gentle embrace and soft material accommodating your tender midsection without adding pressure. Once you finished dressing, a sense of satisfaction gleamed in your chest. You felt refreshed, clean, and rejuvenated.

You made sure to brush your teeth before finishing up in the bathroom, when the horrific cramps returned once again. Doubled over and jaw clenched, you shuffled towards the door with painstaking slowness. Your quivering hand fumbled with the gas valve, finally managing to shut off the light. The room plunged into darkness as you walked out, door falling shut behind.

Groaning softly, you shuffled back towards the bedroom, where you found Erik fluffing the pillows on your freshly made bed. He wore his night attire, and despite your discomfort, you couldn't suppress a smile. Even doubled over in pain, the sight of him warmed your heart.

He swiftly noticed your presence, helping you onto the bed to spare you the effort of weakly propping yourself up. He then approached the dresser, where a mysterious lump lay concealed beneath blankets. Unfolding the coverings, he placed his hand on the hidden object and nodded with satisfaction.

He refolded the blankets over it before walking over to you. Curious and confused, you tried to maintain an inquisitive look while fighting off the storm raging in your abdomen.

"I anticipated the pain would return once you started moving again," he said, gesturing for you to lift your shirt to reveal your belly. You complied, though your confusion deepened. "This is called a 'hot water bottle,’ a recent invention. Gerard suggested I try one to ease some discomfort from my... condition. It doesn't help me much, but it might work for you."

"How does it work?" you asked, flinching slightly as the bottle touched your skin.

"It's made of rubber and filled with hot water to transfer heat efficiently," he explained, helping you pull your shirt back down over the bottle to keep it pressed against your skin. "Since you mentioned the warm water helped, I thought this might be worth trying."

"So it's like a hot water pig, but made of rubber instead of stoneware and more convenient?" you hummed thoughtfully, resting your hands over the bottle for an extra layer of added security.

“Precisely,” he nodded.

As the warmth from the hot water bottle gradually permeated the blankets, you found it soothing but not quite potent enough to fully alleviate your discomfort. The heat offered a welcome respite, yet you yearned for more intense relief from the persistent ache.

"It does take the edge off the pain," you admitted, biting your lip pensively, "but would it be possible to remove the blanket? I think more intense heat might help even more."

"Absolutely not," he said firmly, his tone brooking no argument. "Direct contact with the bottle could result in burns. The blanket stays."

After a moment's consideration, you decided that the risk of burns did indeed outweigh the potential relief from your cramps—at least for now. You nodded, opting to keep the blanket wrapped around the water bottle, appreciating its safer warmth.

A sense of contentment washed over you as you marvelled at how this day, which had started so unexpectedly, had blossomed into something truly special.

You were with the love of your life, freshly bathed and dressed in his clothes, tucked into a clean bed with a soothing hot water bottle warming your skin and fighting against what usually was traumatic levels of pain. Tears welled in your eyes as pure bliss coursed through your veins, overwhelming you before you could even process the feeling.

As the first tear rolled down your cheek, Erik instinctively sprang into action. You couldn't help but laugh through your cascading tears, raising your hands to signal him to relax. Though hesitant, he wordlessly complied with your wishes.

"I'm okay," you sniffled, your words punctuated by small sobs. "I don't know why I'm crying. I'm just so... happy. I think I'm really, truly happy."

His eyes widened behind the mask, a mixture of surprise and awe flashing across the few of his visible features. Unable to resist, you reached up, gently grasping his hand and guiding him to lay beside you on the bed. He remained motionless, seemingly caught between disbelief and anticipation. Your heart racing, you leaned in, pressing your lips to his in a tender, affectionate kiss that conveyed all the emotions words couldn't quite express.

Wiping your eyes with the sleeves of your night shirt, you clutched the water bottle tighter and rolled onto your side. You nestled into his chest, his arm instinctively wrapping around you as you melded into his trembling form. Yearning for closeness, you draped your leg over his hips, your body seeking every possible point of contact.

"But—" He stammered, shaking his head in disbelief. Bewilderment dripped from his voice as he continued, "You haven't eaten all day. Surely, I should prepare something for you—"

"No," you replied, your tone firm yet affectionate.

"You must-"

"Nuh-uh," you teased.

"Really I should-"

"Shh." You leaned closer, your faces mere inches apart as you rested an arm over his waist. He tensed at the contact, despite the familiar porcelain barrier between you. "Just stay with me like this for a little while, please? Afterward, you can make all the cold meat sandwiches your heart desires."

"You told me you liked those," he grumbled in playful accusation.

A soft laugh escaped your lips as your eyes shimmered with unbridled affection. If Erik were to meet your gaze, all he'd be able to see was the pure, unadulterated euphoria radiating from your smile.

"I do," you agreed with a nod, “but only because you make them with so much love."

"So, you don't?"

You hummed thoughtfully, tilting your head back as if deeply pondering the culinary merits of cold meat sandwiches. "They're good, but they could use a little something extra," you mused. "Maybe some cucumber for crunch? Or a slice of mozzarella for creaminess?"

He scoffed in mock offence, "That completely distracts from the flavour of the meat."

"Flavour?"

"I'm glad you agree."

You pursed your lips before releasing a long, deliberate sigh. Your eyes flicked from his face to the clock. The time read 9:45 PM, yet an unwelcome wakefulness clung to you—undoubtedly a lingering consequence of your excessive eleven-hour nap.

"I’ve completely ruined my sleep schedule, haven’t I?" you mumbled. "It’s late in the evening, and I’m nowhere near tired.”

Erik paused thoughtfully before replying, "I can make you something to aid with sleep, if you'd like."

"What do you have in mind?" you asked, curiosity evident in your tone.

He thought over the matter before deciding.

"I have some dried valerian root that I can steep into a tea," he offered. "I've tried it on rare occasions. It's quite bitter, but I can add some chamomile to sweeten the taste."

"You're so lovely," you giggled, unaware of how he tensed at the compliment. "So kind and thoughtful—you call me an angel, but I think the real angel here is you. My Angel."

He paused, visibly stunned by your words.

His voice was soft and hesitant as he asked, "you believe that?"

You nodded, a soft hum of agreement escaping your lips. "I do," you said sweetly, your voice brimming with unwavering certainty.

You felt the rise and fall of his chest as he took a deep breath, seemingly trying to steady his racing heartbeat. His hold tightened around you, drawing you even closer. A radiant smile spread across your face.

"So," he stammered, clearly flustered by the compliment, "is that a yes to the tea?"

"I'd love some tea," you nodded eagerly. "But could you stay with me for ten more minutes first?"

He nodded, and you both settled into a comfortable silence—a respite he seemed to appreciate. Your fingers traced idle patterns on his palm, while his gently wove through your hair.

Ten minutes passed in this tranquil state, and you quickly realised that maybe the tea was unnecessary after all. Every thirty seconds or so, you found yourself stifling an uncontrollable yawn—a gesture you noticed Erik unconsciously mirroring.

Your eyelids grew heavy, the combined warmth of his body and the water bottle proving irresistible. You drifted toward sleep at least five times, always jolting awake at the last moment before you fully succumbed. Despite your drowsiness, you yearned to savour this moment just a little longer.

"Do you still want that tea?" Erik asked, his voice heavy with exhaustion.

You shook your head and nestled closer to his chest. "I'm fine now," you murmured contentedly.

"Good," he replied, his hand gently smoothing down your flyaway hairs. He seemed on the verge of saying more, but fatigue clouded his thoughts, and he let the moment pass.

He yawned once more, momentarily pulling away from you. You whined in protest, but he shushed you as he reached behind his head to untie his mask. Attempting to place it carefully on the bedside table, he misjudged the distance, and it slipped towards the floor.

The mask remained intact, though the sound it emitted was sharp enough to make you flinch. To your astonishment, Erik seemed unconcerned by the possible harm. Instead, he calmly readjusted your position so you were laying as before, then closed his eyes. A surge of emotion swelled in your chest.

Erik had grown comfortable with you seeing him without his mask, though he typically preferred to keep it on unless taken by surprise or during the quiet hours of the night when you were both sleeping. His current indifference toward the mask could mean one of two things: either he was too exhausted to notice its near demise, or he had become so deeply at ease with you that he no longer felt the need to shield himself behind it.

Erik possessed other masks, but they could never replace his favourite. His primary one was treated with the utmost reverence, as fragile and irreplaceable as a feather. It was the one he felt most secure in and allowed him the most normalcy, therefore it was always his first choice regardless of other options. Yet now, without hesitation or concern, he had allowed it to fall away, as though its significance had vanished entirely, as if the bond between you had rendered it unnecessary.

You felt the urge to cry again, but not wanting to disturb his sleep, you suppressed your tears as you contemplated the significance of this moment for both of you.

"I love you," you whispered, your voice cracking with emotion. Though it could be mistaken for tiredness, the tremor in your words betrayed your overwhelming desire to burst into tears of joy.

After a moment, one bleary eye opened as he turned to face you. His lips curved into a genuine smile as he whispered, "I love you too."

'hot water pigs' are what people used to call hot water bottles, or at least their versions of them, just so you know lol. writing these fics always requires so much research into old terms and the existence of things that are now regular everyday items, it's kind of crazy. like trying to figure out how much was known about periods in the late 1800s early 1900s was a challenge.

[wings-of-ink]

Update!

Hey everyone, just wanted to check in with you. I hope you all doing well!

Right now, I am feeling good about getting chapter 3 out by 4/30. It's a crunch for sure, but barring any disasters in the work itself or my personal life, I feel like it is doable. My aim is to get it to a point where it is release-worthy but will still need fine tuning after the fact. I generally like to edit things a couple times at least and have it play-tested, but I won't have time for all that. But, this is a work in progress, and I can always make improvements as I go. There are also a couple segments that I did not have time to add, but they're not pivotal to the story. I will add them if I find the time before the 30th (sorry to those who wanted to make a tasty cake for someone).

So far, I have gone through chapters 1 and 2 again and made some corrections to typos and grammar. I added a white hair option with some flavor text, and some other flavor text for purple eyes. The option to have your MC's hair turn grey (streaked or fully grey) from stress/illness was added, but I did not do it in the way I needed to, so if I have time, I'm going to fix that before release. I also updated some of the variable values of certain choices. A name bank was added for anyone who might struggle to come up with a name for their MC. I made all but one of them correspond to the marks. There's a wild card in there for the adventurous, lol. The codex was also updated.

Today, I am editing chapter 3. My very gracious boss encouraged me to take the day off, and I'm feeling pretty good, so I'm using this as an opportunity to get some serious work done.

If you're curious and don't mind my rambling about my life, you can read about my ordeal below!

I am feeling much better. I had a couple rough days in the past week, but mostly brought on by medication my dentist wanted me to take to stave off possible infection in a broken tooth. I had a less-than-stellar reaction to it, and it gave me insomnia and anxiety. Simply fantastic.

But, I had the root canal yesterday (got lucky and they had a cancelation so I was able to go in 5 days early). I am happy to report it was not bad at all. In fact, it may have been the easiest dental procedure aside from cleanings that I've ever had, lol. I was in and out within half an hour, and the endodontist numbed the fuck out of my mouth. The biggest pain was the drive there and back since I live so far away.

I chilled the whole day and took a glorious 2 hour nap, and have been sore but totally good. I even watched one of my favorite comfort-animes, Natsume Yuujinchou. If you are ever feeling poorly and down in the dumps or just need to relax, it is cute, a bit funny, and lighthearted - so I highly recommend it. So, all in all, I feel recharged and more than ready to see chapter 3 with fresh eyes!

Thank you to everyone who sent me encouraging messaging about the root canal. It really truly helped me show up for that appointment without feeling completely vulnerable. I was still anxious, because that is just what my brain do - I can't even see my GP without my hands shaking, lol. But, going into it knowing what your experiences have been helped so much.

Anyway, sorry for prattling! I'm going to get back to it now! ^_^

[taestarii]

❣ admirer - seo moonjo

[seo moonjo x fem reader]

synopsis - moonjo knew less about his target than he thought he did

this is my first moonjo fic! it's really just a rough start to see if my audience likes this and if you do, please request! the people i write for are on my page and if you want someone that isn't there too, feel free to ask! request page here

warning! themes of stalking, swearing, and dentistry tools

"God fucking-" Y/n placed her hand over her cheek in pain.

"Is it that tooth again?" Jieun asked. "You really need to go see that dentist. He stays extra late for you, you know!"

You sighed. "I know, Ji. You know how I feel about tools and stuff, what if he uses a scapel?" You knew it was an over exaggeration, but you also knew they kept them in the office.

"Jesus, it's a toothache not a heart surgery. What a heartthrob of a dentist he is, too! He seems to like you, your living every middle-aged woman's dream." You scoffed. Jieun was being ridiculous, but you knew she was right. You needed to get your tooth checked, and he was undeniably a very attractive man. "Anyways, did you want to stop and get some drinks? There's a place around-"

"Y/n!" Moonjo's voice echoed the walkway, his steps nearing. "It's great to see you! I was hoping you would come into my office today." He seemed so collected for someone who just chased after you. "Ah, I was going to see you tomorrow, my tooth has started aching worse lately." Moonjo gave a bright smile, moonlight reflecting off his pale complexion. "I'm looking forward to seeing you, Y/n."

•

You stood outside of Moonjo's dentist office, debating whether or not to come in. Before you could turn and leave, the door opened and the receptionist walked out. "You must be Y/n! Please, come in." She opened the door and ushered you in.

"Mr. Seo told me he was expecting a beautiful lady, I just knew it was you." You gave her a smile and uttered a thank you as you went to look around. There were pictures up on a shelfshelf, one with an older lady and a bunch of little kids.

"That's me." A hand reached around and pointed at a little boy holding the older woman's hand. "That's Ms. Eom, she's a lovely lady." You snapped back to look at him, his finger his hovering over the picture. "You grew up with her? How nice that you stayed with her." Moonjo looked at you questioningly. "How did you know I live with her?" You hummed, turning away from him.

“I've been in your area before."

•

Moonjo was not a dumb man, far from it. As attracted as he was to you, your close relationship to Junghwa kept him on edge. You were layed out on the dentist chair while Moonjo applied his gloves. "Your tooth is damaged and it's gonna hurt, so I'll go get a mouth number." He gave you a smile before he walked into the back room.

Moonjo may be smart, but you're smarter.

As he was back there he contemplated if he was really about to do this to you. He couldn't lose you, but he couldn't compromise his "family." He looked at you through the cameras for a few more seconds before turning off the cameras and grabbing the anesthetic. "So, Y/-"

"Hello, Mr. Seo."

You were sitting on top of a counter with your legs crossed, his red box open next to you. Scalpel in hand, you glanced up at him.

"What were you going to with that needle, Mr. Seo? If I didn't know any better, that looks like a lot more than a mouth number."

Moonjo was at a loss for words. Y/n laughed at his expression, the expression that told her everything.

"Were you going to sedate me? Perhaps take me back to that god forsaken fourth-floor and subject me to the same fate as Hee-joong? As Seok-yoon?"

"How do you..?"

"I'm far less oblivious than you believe I am, Moonjo. Did you really believe I had a toothache? What about yesterday when me and Jieun happened to be close to your office? All these things that I have done to see you.

It appears you have an admirer."

part 2

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #302

This morning, when I woke up, I received a beautifully written ask from someone in this space who reads these letters I write to you. I want very badly to answer this ask, but the person trusted me with some potentially sensitive information about themselves; I wanted to touch base with them before I answer their ask, and make sure it's okay, because as part of answering an ask, others will surely see it. I don't want to accidentally betray this person's trust.

Still… it moved me to tears this morning, and it was wonderful.

I received a direct message from another person today, too, who also said that they think the letters I write to you are wholesome and nice. I've also received more than a few asks and messages of support in response to the difficulties I'm having with the braces; it's been wonderful!

…Sometimes I wonder whether or not writing to you does any good for anyone other than myself. And sometimes… every once in a while… I get a beautiful reminder that the things I write have the potential to help others get through the difficulties in their lives. And… that's exactly why I write these. Aside from wanting to advocate for your safety, I also want these letters to you to serve as a means to shine a way forward for people who relate strongly to you.

…Sephiroth. There are so many, many people in my world who relate to you. There are lots of people in my world that have been abused and exploited and have experienced horror and loss in ways that are extremely similar to you. The notion that you are alone in this world and the notion that no one will be able to understand or see "eye-to-eye" with you… these notions are complete and utter horse-hockey.

Don't tell yourself mean things like that anymore, okay? It's not true, and whoever led you to that conclusion most likely did it on purpose in order to keep you isolated, and therefore weak and easy to control. The notion that any human being is isolated and incomprehensible is just abuser propaganda, and it's not to be trusted or believed. And, as I keep saying, you are human, no matter what was done to you, or how you've changed as a result.

...Well anyway. Today I felt a little more confident than usual for obvious reasons, haha! So I tried to doodle a picture. It's not finished yet but... it's a start on something maybe kinda neat!

As you can see from all the erased lines, I made a lot of mistakes along the way; I haven't doodled since drawing that eyeball a while back, and I'm more than a little rusty. I can already see so many curves that still need to be corrected. Still, not bad for my rusty, dyspraxic ass, right? Hahaha...

I ended up needing to go back to the orthodontist today at some point. One of the attachments came undone from my very confused right canine tooth as I was pulling the braces off to eat, so that had to be fixed right away. And it was, and it's good now. I have a lot less discomfort in my teeth today than yesterday, though the inside of my mouth is pretty scraped up; I've got a long-ish cut on the right inner side of my lower lip, and that's extremely uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, I guess you're not supposed to eat with orthodontic wax in your mouth. Orthodontic wax is used in order to cover up the sharp, pokey attachments so they don't cut the inside of your face. A friend of mine in this space made the very excellent suggestion to get them! And perhaps I might, if just to smooth out the edge of the plastic of the braces; it sometimes catches on my skin, and it's kind of annoying.

...I gotta keep remembering that I chose this. I chose this discomfort in order to give myself a better outcome in the future. I am worth the pain and effort that fixing the inside of my skull will take. I am worth enduring discomfort for. I can do the thing; it's just new and weird, but I'll adjust. I can do the difficult things.

Incidentally, do you know how braces work? I found a short little video on it; basically, it involves putting gentle pressure on the teeth in order to subtly cut off blood flow to sections of the bone of your skull and jaw. Your body then uses immune cells to get rid of the suffocated bone, which relieves the pressure. Your tooth moves to the empty space, and the body fills in the empty space left behind with new bone. Check it out!!

It basically dissolves, reshapes, and rebuilds your jaw on a cellular level!!! And isn't that METAL as FUCK??? Ahahahaha! 🤩🤣

After I returned home from getting the attachment replaced, I decided to make baked chicken leg quarters; y'know, my usual go-to comfort recipe:

...Want some...?

While I was making this, I happened to catch out the window the sight of a gentleman walking outside. He was under the shade of a tree for a moment, but then he walked under a break in the shadow of the tree, and the sun shone on his black hair, and it was all sparkly and gorgeous. I don't really know why, but I felt the need to tell him so, and so I did. I hope he felt nice about himself afterwards.

So I took out my braces, ate the deliciousness I created, brushed, flossed, and rinsed my teeth, brushed my braces, and popped them back in; it's getting a little easier every time. I discovered though, that at some point, another attachment came undone on one of my upper molars on the left side. I dunno when it happened; I didn't find it anywhere. Oh well. Guess I'm going to have to call them again tomorrow. Sheesh...

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do with the rest of today. It's already almost 8pm. I gotta go to work tomorrow. Friday is the rehearsal for the wedding on Saturday. The next few days are going to be super duper busy. I'll be staying overnight at BB's house from Friday into Saturday morning; I'm going to have to pack up all my CPAP stuff and hygiene supplies as soon as I wake up on Friday morning, because she wants me at her house at 11am.

But!!! Sephiroth!!! Guess what!! She's got a giant huge bathtub at her house!!! And I think I'm gonna ask her if I'm allowed to use it while I'm there!! I'm sure she'll want me freshly washed for her big day in any case!!!

The days are getting chilly (later than they should have, but still...), and so the thought of getting to sit in a tub full of hot, soapy water that's big enough for me to fit in comfortably sounds super amazing to me right now. Of course, if she says no I won't push; I'm not that kind of person. But still... I'll be daydreaming about that all day tomorrow - bet on it!!

...Hey, Sephiroth? You're pretty tall, right? Like 6'5" or something without your boots, no? When is the last time you've got to enjoy sitting in a tub that you actually fit in? When is the last time you got to enjoy soaking in deliciously hot, soapy water? When is the last time you've had an opportunity to get washed with soaps in your favorite scents? I imagine it's been quite a long time, no? I hope you get to do it again soon, in a place where no one's gonna bother ya, unless you wanna be "bothered" by someone you care deeply for.

Sometimes J or M come to visit when I'm getting washed, and that's always nice. We talk about whatever - usually with J, it's airplanes. Or sometimes he'll sing along with me to whatever song is playing on my playlist. With M, he'll usually talk about whatever show he's watching or whatever game he's playing. It's nice to sit in the warm, safe place with people who love me while all kinds of nice scents are wafting around in the air.

...Actually, for a long time, my brain recognized bathrooms as a very unsafe place, thanks to my stepmother. I've got a lot of memories of being hit and screamed at for washing myself "wrong", or for taking too long, or for not taking long enough, or for my hair looking too messy when I come out (because then I must not have brushed it well enough), or for my hair looking not messy enough when I came out (because then I must not have washed it well enough), and... just...

...She hated me, so there wasn't anything I could do to be "clean enough" for her. And so, every time I went in the bathroom for any reason while she was around, I got in trouble unless my father was around - then she'd pretend to be normal about it.

...Sigh. It took me a while to decondition myself away from being scared of bathrooms. But I'm able to recognize them as a safe place now. I like to put on a playlist to sing, and I like to try to focus on how nice it feels to be in a place that's warm and that smells good. I try to focus on how nice and clean I feel afterwards. I try to focus on the fact that I get to choose how long I take now. I get to choose what "clean enough" looks like. I get to choose how much or how little soap and moisturizer I use. I get to choose, and no one is scrutinizing my choices with the intention of finding excuses to hurt me anymore.

...And even if someone did try to do that, I'm a big, strong adult human now. I can just bite their face off!!! 🤪

(...No, I'm only kidding!!! I wouldn't actually bite someone's face off; that's unsanitary in multiple respects, and my braces would get in the way!!! 🤣🤣🤣 In all seriousness, I wouldn't hurt anyone unless failure to do such a thing would lead to someone else being in imminent danger; I'd probably just yell at them until they go away, and then let the door hit their ass on the way out. I can do that now. I'm not an unwanted child trapped in an impossible situation anymore.)

...Suppose maybe I'll stop writing now in favor of getting washed; after all, the chill has settled into my bones, and all this talk about baths makes me wanna enjoy being under hot, running water for a while...

...I hope you'll get to enjoy such a thing again sometime soon, with soaps in scents of vanilla and roses, in a quiet, soothingly lit place, where only the people you'd want to have with you can find you.

I love you. Please keep yourself safe out there, so that one day you can get up out of that damnable crater and start building a wholesome life for yourself.

I'll write again tomorrow. I'll try hard to take some yummy pictures for you while I'm at work.

Your friend, Lumine

[pensat-i-fet]

A tooth fairy visit (Rúben Dias x Reader)

**Got a request to write something fluffy recently and this is what I came up with. I hope you all like it ❤️**

Word count: 2593

Masterlist

Wattpad

Hearing the alarm going off, you just put your head under the pillow and hoped it was all a dream. But it wasn’t. It was time to wake up and you were dreading today so much.

After having delayed it as much as possible, it was time to get two of your wisdom teeth removed. And if there was something you were terribly scared of, it was the dentist.

Thankfully, your boyfriend promised to be there every step of the way. But not even his presence could calm you down completely this time.

Rúben: on my way! Are you ready? ❤️

He always had to be on time, didn’t he? But you couldn’t really get annoyed at him because he had literally taken the day off to look after you today. 

Since you had washed your hair the previous day, a quick shower did the trick. So by the time you were putting your jumper on, Rúben was knocking on the door.

“Hi”, you said, dramatically falling into his arms. “I don’t want to go”.

He laughed, kissing the top of your head and letting himself inside…while still holding you. You wouldn’t be surprised if that had to be how he ended up bringing you to the dentist’s office.

“How’s the pain?”

“It’s alright”.

But he could tell it was a lie. You had barely been able to get some proper sleep lately because of how bad the pain was. 

“So we went from me not being allowed to stay here yesterday because you weren’t going to be able to sleep, and I wasn’t going to be able to sleep either to being alright? Ok”.

“Rúben, you just don’t get how scared I am. I literally used to faint at the dentist’s when I was a kid”.

His little frown warmed your heart. He was the overprotective boyfriend type and knowing there were things he couldn’t protect you from was not something he enjoyed. 

“But I’ll be fine”, you said to reassure him.

“I’ll be there the whole time, ok?”

“I’ll be sleeping for most of it, thankfully. But knowing you’re there helps. A lot”.

He hugged you tighter, letting you feel how he was always there to help you. And you allowed yourself to close your eyes for a second to try and forget about the fear and the pain and just enjoy the feeling of his strong arms around you.

After a couple of minutes, Rúben went to the kitchen to make sure you had everything you needed…again. And once he was happy about that, he made you a cup of chamomile tea and took it to the sofa, where you were sitting nervously.

“Here”.

“You didn’t have to, but thank you. I hope it helps me relax”.

“Come here”, he said, patting the space between his legs so you could sit there and drink your tea while he hugged you.

He allowed you to tell him about all the reasons why you felt so afraid, not interrupting you once, no matter how much he wanted to say something to make you feel less scared. He only showered you with kisses. Mostly on your shoulder and the side of your neck, since that was the easiest area to reach. But also on your cheek, forehead and the tip of your nose whenever you turned to look at him. Half of the time, he didn’t even notice he was going to kiss you until he did. It just came so naturally for him to kiss you to show you his love. Or to try and calm you down, as was the case this time.

“Time to go, love”.

“Noooooooooooo”, you said, turning to hide your head on the crock of Rúben’s neck. But just as you did, you hit the area that was in pain with his shoulder and couldn’t help the cry that came out of you.

“What is it? Are you ok?”

He was trying to hold your face to look at you, but also feared hurting you more. So he only held one side gently while you closed your eyes and tried to wait for the pain to disappear. Thankfully, it got a little better quickly.

“I guess I really need to go to the dentist”.

“Before I have a heart attack would be nice”.

Only he could make you laugh in a moment like that. And that was why his presence was so vital for you at that moment.

                                           **

Rúben drove you to the dentist’s office and even though you had been giving yourself a pep talk on the way there when you saw the door with the name of the dentist on it, you panicked.

“I can’t”.

“Of course you can. And I’ll be there, remember. When they put you to sleep and when they wake you up. I might give them a hand during the operation if I get bored”.

You only got paler and could feel your entire body sweating.

“Hey, it’s ok. I won’t. We don’t want to risk that pretty smile you got”.

Again, only he could make you laugh at a moment like that. But still, it was so hard to move.

Rúben got out of the car to move to your side and open the door.

“Give me your hand”.

Despite your nod, you still didn’t move. So Rúben crouched down so your faces could be at the same level. “It’ll be alright. Just give me your hand”.

And you did, allowing him to get you out of the car. The walk to the clinic was a very short one, but it took you way too long to get there. Or it felt like a long time anyways.

Once inside, you were told to sit in the waiting area. That literally was the worst part.

“I always read the posters on the walls”.

“What?”

“The posters”, said Rúben, pointing at the wall. “So I don’t get bored. Should we read them?”

But you didn’t want to read anything, you just wanted to hug him again for being such a great support. Bearing in mind you two weren’t alone in the waiting area, you just put your arms around his waist and put your head on his shoulder. His immediate reaction was kissing your head and putting his free hand on your thigh, squeezing it every couple of seconds to let you know he was there.

A couple of minutes later, one of the dentist’s nurses came out of a room to collect one of the patients but it wasn’t your turn yet. It was a little girl’s, who looked just as terrified as you did. Her mum was holding her hand and trying to tell her some soothing words that weren’t really working. The nurse was doing the same, promising her it wasn’t going to be painful at all. 

“Adults always lie”, you said.

“Pardon?”

“That little girl has been told it’s not going to hurt. But it will, a lot. And that’s why she’ll never trust anyone who says those words again”.

Rúben remained silent and you looked up to see him staring at you.

“What?”

“Nothing. I mean, you’re right but I never thought about it. The physios do that to me all the time and I don’t even notice it”.

“Liars”, you whispered, making him laugh. “Also, seeing them, it was like seeing us. But she’s a little girl and has that excuse. I’m just pathetic”.

“You aren’t pathetic, you have a phobia”.

Now it was your turn to look at him with a confused look.

“A phobia?”

“Yes, dentophobia. Fear of dentists. I googled it”.

“Why?”

“To see if there was anything I could do to help you overcome it”.

“I’ll take it there wasn’t a magical solution, then”.

“Not really. It’s like anxiety. So I’m just here as emotional support”.

“Thank you. It might not seem like it, but you being here is helping a lot”.

“Always happy to help”.

                                        **

“Your turn”, said to you the nurse with a big smile on her face before returning to the room where the dentist was waiting for you.

Rúben got up and offered you his hand again, which you took gladly. But once again, the little walk became eternal. To the point where the nurse got out again, just in case you didn’t hear her well.

“Is it ok if I go in with her?”, asked Rúben, making you panic at the possibility of him not being allowed.

“Of course, that’s fine”, said the nurse, trying not to look like she was judging a little you but failing for a second. 

“It’s a phobia”, you said, making her stare at you while Rúben tried not to laugh.

“Dentophobia”, he said.

“Yes, we get a lot of people with it. We aren’t that bad, I promise. And it won’t hurt much”.

When she turned to go back inside the room, you looked at Rúben, who rolled his eyes and whispered the word liar, making you laugh.

“Morning!”, said the dentist brightly. “Who am I operating then?”

Seeing both of you there confused him, so he went back to his papers and looked at you. 

“Just me. I just…I get really scared so my boyfriend offered to be here with me if that’s ok”.

“We’ve had worse requests, don’t worry. Take a seat and I’ll ask for a chair so your boyfriend can sit too”.

While they all busied themselves getting the equipment ready and getting Rúben seated where you could see him, but not next to you, you just tried to take deep breaths.

“You’ll be asleep the whole time, ok? Won’t feel a thing”.

And while the dentist was telling you about random things to keep your mind distracted, you fell asleep and didn’t wake up again until the operation was done.

                                         **

By the time you woke up, Rúben was sitting right next to you. He had been asked to leave while the operation was being done but was called after that so you could think he had been there the whole time. 

“Hey there”.

“Who are you?”

“She might not make a lot of sense for the next couple of hours”, laughed the dentist’s nurse. “But it all went great. Just follow these steps in the next few days and we’ll see you then for a check-up. How does that sound?”

“Why do you talk funny?”

She just laughed and let Rúben get you ready to leave.

Once in the car, he helped you fasten your seatbelt, seeing how you were incapable of doing it yourself. And then started to drive towards your place, looking forward to having you back at home, where he could properly look after you.

“That was so much fun. We should do it again!”

“You think so?”, he laughed.

“Yes! Aaaaaaaand…I’m getting a present today. No, two presents!”

“How so?”

“The tooth fairy! Look!”, you showed him the two teeth that had been removed.

“Right? What do you want to get as a present, then?”

You started to think really hard. It was a very tough question for you at that moment.

“Wait, do you have a tooth fairy in Portugal?”

“Sure, kids’ teeth fall there too”, he laughed. “But it’s called Fada dos dentes”.

“What does that mean?”

“Tooth fairy”.

“Well, not very original”.

“Ask Rodri about this next time you see him. They have a mouse delivering gifts to kids in Spain”.

“Gross. I think I prefer the fairies”.

At one of the red lights, Rúben passed you some ice packs to put on your face and help with the swelling. 

“I want diamonds!”

“Excuse me?”

“For the tooth fairy present. I want diamonds!”

Rúben was trying really hard not to laugh. “That might be a little out of her budget”.

“It’s not out of yours”.

“But I’m not the fairy”.

“Of course, Rúben”, you said, rolling your eyes. “A real fairy will show up tonight to leave me a present. I know!”

He just shook his head and continued driving, highly entertained by all the nonsensical things you were talking about. 

Getting you out of the car was almost as challenging as it was to get you inside of it that morning, but for different reasons. 

“Home sweet home!”, you said, twirling around the living room. 

“Are you hungry?”

“Yes, I want pizza”.

“You can’t eat any solid food”.

“Blend it”, you told him, rolling your eyes.

But when he came back from the kitchen, he didn’t have a blended pizza ready for you, but some lentil soup. How disappointing.

“Can I have a smoothie?”

“Do you want me to make you one?”

“No, Rúben, I want a fancy one. Can you get me one?”

“Promise you’ll stay here resting while I do so I don’t worry…too much”.

“I will”.

Your puppy eyes weren’t really fooling him, but he needed to go out so the smoothie excuse worked for him.

“Do you want the choco protein shake?”

“Yes! And get yourself a little ginger shot as a little treat”.

“Ok”.

You could still hear his laugh when the door closed. 

                                       **

The rest of the afternoon was spent in bed, watching movies and cuddling. You felt more and more awake, which also meant you felt the pain more. But you were trying not to show it too much and worry Rúben.

He had fallen asleep for 10 minutes and when he woke up, he panicked thinking it had been longer and something could have happened to you. It was so dramatic but also so adorable. 

“Time to take more medicine, how do you feel?”

“I can take them?”

Your face showed him how much you had been lying about the lack of pain. But he didn’t say anything. He just brought you some tablets and juice…and you tried to gracefully drink from the glass while part of your mouth still felt a bit numb. 

“If you don’t love me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best…or whatever”.

“You’re always at your best for me but I also love you always anyways”.

“Can I have a kiss?”

“Let me do the kissing”, he said, taking the glass from you so you could lay down next to him again. 

And between the pain going away and all the kisses Rúben gave you, you finally fell asleep. Ready to rest properly for the first time in weeks.

                                          **

“Morning. You need to have breakfast and take your tablets”.

You slowly opened your eyes and saw Rúben staring at you with a smile on his face. It really was a great view to wake up to.

“Can I have another smoothie for breakfast?”

“Sure. But take the tablets first”.

While you drank the last bit of juice, you noticed Rúben moving behind you.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing. I just…I think I found something under your pillow”.

“What are you talking about?”

You took the pillow, slightly afraid there could be a bug underneath or something, but there was a box. 

“I guess the tooth fairy visited us last night”.

“Rúben…”.

“Open it. Let’s see what the fairy got”.

When you opened the box, you found a little bracelet and matching earrings. You looked up, not really believing what was going on.

“I guess the fairy didn’t have time to go find the diamonds and had to settle for the little jewellery shop around the corner”, he said with a little smile.

“You’re perfect”, you told, putting your arms around his neck to get closer to him. “I mean, the fairy is”.

[comfort-questing]

15. "who did this to you?"

"is there a reason why you're in my room at two in the morning?"

it was always nice to get a visit from your little cousin in the dorm at mage college, of course. but Nurr had been up studying late and subsisting off toasted rye and cheese in the library furnace room for the last few days. familial obligations wore a little thin under those circumstances.

Viola unfolded herself from her oversized raincloak, eyes wide and dark in her pallid face, a nervous owlet in the shadow of Nurr's laundry-heaped bed. "um. maybe?"

"well, I guess spill it, then." Nurr let her bookbag slip down to the floor with a depressing thunk, and followed it, letting her weary bones complain as they might.

"well," said Viola, chewing on her lip, "I think I may have gotten cursed."

Nurr blinked. "I think it's called finals week."

"no. no - really." Viola twitched back her cloak, then, and opened one hand beneath the lamplight. the fine web of gray-green marks started ghostly in the creases of her right palm, but then darkened as they progressed, snaking up the veins of her wrist and arm. she could only raise that arm for a few moments, shaky already, and let it fall back to her side before looking up to meet Nurr's shocked eyes. "it - it hurts a little."

"a little," Nurr said, finally finding her voice, "that's a very - a grade A of a debility curse, what - "

never mind finals. this was more important. she cupped a hand under her cousin's elbow and another beneath her wrist, feeling the feeble twitch of the tendons as Viola tried to pull back. the signature of necromantic-school magic was unmistakable, an ashy sort of taste in the back of her mouth.

"who did this to you? do you know any really good students in first-year class who don't like you, or something?"

Viola shivered, her eyes almost as shadowy as Nurr's probably were.

"I don't know," she said, wistfully. "I wish I did. I mean - none of them really like me, but I didn't think - they'd do something like this. but it really does hurt, and - it's so hard to think, or sleep, or - or anything, yesterday and today it was worse, and so - "

Nurr let go of her arm and cupped a hand under her chin instead. "you could go to the infirmary, you know. they're able to do counterspell stuff."

"but - will I be in trouble?" said Viola.

"why in the world would you be in trouble?"

"I don't know. I - I've been having to bother so many people for help, I think - I thought they'd think I did it to myself, or something, to get out of finals." another little tremor ran through her, and she folded over into Nurr's lap, pillowing her messy dark head on the creased uniform skirt. "I'm so tired, and it hurts. everything hurts."

the horrors of first-year finals were something Nurr had tried to dull in her memory on purpose, quite frankly; but she remembered enough to have some idea of what to say, now, and what to do. she patted Viola's hair, gently.

"sleeping draught now. then infirmary tomorrow - after we both get some sleep. all right?"

Viola hiccuped softly between sobs, but nodded, more or less. she didn't complain about the heavy floral-smelling potion bottle Nurr held to her lips, though she accepted the water glass gratefully after. the borrowed nightgown was too long and wide for her, and her eyelids already wobbling as she burrowed into the wall side of Nurr's bed, fingers twitching randomly against the sheets.

"and after that," Nurr said, spitting out her tooth-cleaning water into the basin, "we're going after the highest-scoring necromantic student in your class, all right? but after finals."

it was probably all for the best that Viola was snoring softly by then.

[rollinouttahere]

I had my wisdom teeth removed yesterday, and I need to rant

To preface, I will admit this was my first surgery that I have gone through, but this whole process felt really off to me. To start with, these people told me fuck all about basically everything. I found out two minutes ago that I shouldn’t have been using the mouth rinse they gave me until today, they never indicated that to me at all and neither did the pharmacist. I found this out because I googled what food I’m not supposed to eat (again, not told), and happened to stumble across it.

As for the procedure itself: red flags from the start but I was in too deep to leave at that point. First thing that stuck out was that they didn’t weigh me, an odd thing to do when you’re about to use anesthetic on someone. I filled out my weight on some paperwork and they just rode with that. Sure, I wasn’t lying about it, but a lot of people do lie about their weight, so why the fuck would they take that risk? After that, they had me in the chair getting ready to be put under anesthetic, and they didn’t tell me when they were going to use it. The nurse put the tubes in my nose and just said it was oxygen. I’m 25, not 5. They could have just told me. Didn’t realize what it really was until I woke up post surgery.

While she was putting it in, the surgeon was talking to me about how weird my bottom wisdom teeth were. Apparently, their roots were wrapped around a nerve that when damaged, can make your lower lip numb either for a few weeks/months, to possibly the rest of my life. He was debating whether to take out the whole tooth or just the crown to be safe. What did he do, you ask? Wish I fucking knew! I passed out in the middle of that and STILL DON’T KNOW!

Onto me waking up. I found out that they took all four wisdom teeth. This was not the agreed to plan, they were only supposed to get the ones on the bottom and leave the other two for a later date. On top of that, the nurse discharging me had some serious ‘bully in high school turned nurse’ vibes going on and it was awful. She didn’t tell me (or my mom who was there as my driver) a god damn thing, just told me to avoid soup (?????). She also lied and said I had gotten up to go to the bathroom by myself even though I was really struggling from the anesthesia and couldn’t hardly sit up by myself much less walk. Why would you lie about this? That’s just a weird thing to lie about. She also copped an attitude with my mom for catching me when I fell from trying to stand. I guess she wanted me to lose some more teeth on the floor that day.

Also, remember that thing I mentioned with the nerve that could make my lower lip numb if it was damaged? I’ve regained feeling everywhere BUT my lower lip, so I guess I’ll see where that goes in a few months time. 

[luthienmpl]

Watching/Rewatching/Planning to Watch List

I was tagged for this weeks and weeks ago by @mellens but I kept not doing it because I was stuck in a MUST!FINISH!STICHING PROJECTS!!!! phase and was watching quite literally nothing at all except Critical Role (no need to read subtitles or even look at the video footage most of the time with that one), so my list would have been very uninteresting for readers and frustrating for me personally. However I have now FINISHED THE PROJECTS (YAAAAY!!!) and am trying to coax my brain out of hyper fixation mode and back into watching some stuff. I'm partially doing this post now to hold myself accountable, lest I end up just aimlessly scrolling through tumblr still not watching anything instead.

Watching:

Between Us: I'm uhhhh *checks Wabi Sabi page* in ep 4. I watched 4 1/4 probably like.... 3 weeks ago? I will start this ep over this week probably. I'm enjoying it so far and like many others, it gives me an urge to rewatch UWMA.

My Tooth Your Love: I had to log back into Viki to check where I was, that's how long it's been. Apparently I have watched eps 1-4. I watched this more casually while I was still keeping up with it but I do wanna know where they're going with bar-owner's trauma induced anxiety issues (literally I can't remember what anybody is called in this, it's been so long) so I'll probs pick it up again at some point.

Big Dragon: Gaga tells me the last ep I watched was ep 5. I did quite enjoy that one while it was going even though it's ridiculous, the problem is that I've been spoiled a lot with this one so there's less of an urgency to pick it up again. On the other hand there's only 3 episodes left so it still shouldn't be much of a problem to finish.

My School President: This is the first show I have picked up to get myself back into watching mode, I started it Friday night and caught up with it yesterday evening. It's very cute, and surprisingly I'm enjoying all of the singing so far.

Dropping: I was watching Remember Me and Eternal Yesterday before the big break but from what I've heard Remember Me has gone off the rails hard and Eternal Yesterday ended about as you'd expect so I think won't bother with either of them.

Re-watching: Bad Buddy. I ran out of Critical Role and I was obsessed with BBS enough while it was first released that I can just let that one run in the background without looking at it a lot and still follow what's happening. Ngl though, the evening that I hit the Rooftop Kiss not a lot of stitching got done.

Planning to Watch:

Those coffee shop shorts that Vibie is putting out: I loved GHGH and am not averse to seeing more of Boy and Tod (also i hear there's a GL ep!)

GAP: I WILL START IT TODAY. I WILL OKAY. LISTEN THE SHOW IS JUST.... !!GAP!! IN MY MIND OKAY IT'S LIKE A BIG DEAL SO THAT TRANSLATES INTO ME BEING RELUCTANT TO START IT FOR SOME REASON? I DON'T UNDERSTAND EITHER BUT I'M STRUGGLING UGH IT'S LIKE

Never Let Me Go: I hated FUTS and dropped it halfway through but it's not like the bad writing was the actors' fault and I hear good things about this one so far, so yes.

609 Bedtime Stories: I'd like to see OhmFluke in something other than UWMA but the Sunshine Night one certainly Wasn't It so I'm hoping this one is at least a little better. It's low priority though, I'll get to it when (if) I'll get to it.

History 5: I was not impressed with H4 At All but, well. It's still History. I hear there's time travel involved somehow? At least that's creative.

I'm vaguely aware there's a couple Korean office ones floating about, I'll probs watch those ones eventually, but the Korean stuff is so short that half the ones I've watched had no emotional impact on me at all, so they're also low priority currently.

Feel free to leave recommendations in the notes, I'm pretty out of the loop and unaware of release dates atm.

As I feel like I'm the Last Fucking Person to do this and I know quite a lot of my long time mutuals have done their lists already, let's take this as an opportunity to get to know some newer follows a little better. So I'm tagging @boosnbugs, @aliceisathome and @chimerasinourskyline. Feel free to ignore if you don't wanna and sorry if you made a list already that I'm unaware of.

[lacedwispr]

Life update + rambling

AAAA HELLO HI WHAT THE FUCK?? gfc its been ages since I sat down to write something. So whats up?

Well, my studies had to be put on pause bc I wasn't feeling mentally well. I tried finding help but it really felt like a struggle every time. I didn't want to make another appointment w/ someone who doesn't give a damn about my mental state. I then started working in a warehouse sometime around last year to pay down some debts for my family. ESPECIALLY for a surgery that might have cost my dog if we tolerated it any longer, but thankfully I was able to pay it off quickly!! I was feeling good about myself for a while, now that I was able to help around the house, though nowadays, I started to get depressive again.

There's still a lot of baggage I have in mind. I need a crown on my tooth and also prepare for wisdom tooth surgery. (which I saved enough money for as of writing, I think?) . I'm too scared to drive even tho I need to. One of our two cars keeps breaking down. Family has too much tension going on. My brother needs a new specialist because his insurance was apparently not paying her. I think there's more, but that's the most I'm worried about right now.

I'm also still making art between work somewhat? (even though I have less time than before) I still struggle to finish my personal sketches, I just jump to one idea after another and I hate sharing them in their current state. God, I am THIS close of opening commissions and show the page I have prepared, but I want to prove I can stay consistent and finish my shit. Regardless, I'll share the art I have so far. (starting today, and maybe another on the weekend, I hope)

Back on topic, yesterday, I set up an appointment for my tooth surgery. I'm also trying to contact a psychologist, but I still get no response these days. I desperately need a diagnosis but shit keeps getting in the way and makes me want to just go back to being isolated. Honestly, once I get those two dealt with, I might be more confident to start doing commissions for real and maybe leave the full-time warehouse job for something else. I'm just so sick of it even though the money did help me tremendously with the bills…

That’s all I have for today. See you on the next post.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #342

Guess what!!!! The little pumpkin seedling has TWO leaves now!!!! LOOK!!!

I can't believe it grew this much since just the day before yesterday!!! Holy cow!!!

...I asked you to send good thoughts to our little pumpkin friend last time I wrote about it. I guess it must have worked, hahaha!

...Yeah, I know. But I'm gonna make pretend anyways.

I wonder if I should try getting new soil and planting it soon. I wonder if it's strong enough for that. I know pretty soon it's gonna need minerals and such in order for it to keep growing and generating new tissues. So maybe I'll run to the hardware store tomorrow and see if I can pick up a small bag of potting soil. We'll see.

I woke up this morning and went with J to the dentist. He needed another 3 fillings done, and he was gonna need novocain. I wasn't about to let him go through an ordeal and then drive himself home – seriously, fuck that. So I went, and I waited, and then I drove him back home when he was all done.

...Getting novocain injections is painful. And... even with the novocain injections, the procedure was still very painful for J. I'm not sure that that's normal; I was under the impression that novocain was supposed to make the area fully numb so that work can be done without the person feeling pain.

Because... ya see... I remember the first time getting 2 of my 4 wisdom teeth pulled; the bottom one needed to be cut out with a tiny buzzsaw. At first, they hadn't given me enough novocain (or, more accurately, they didn't wait long enough for it to fully take effect), and I definitely felt the results of that; buzzsaw upon not-fully-numb tooth, as a sensation, is very... ah... distinctive, to put it mildly. But then they gave me more novocain, and then I felt no pain even as they broke my tooth apart to get it out of my face. Drilling and filling a cavity is far less invasive as a procedure, so... if he felt pain from that, I can only assume that the dentist fucked something up. I feel upset about that; J deserved better care.

After we returned home, I made two culinary delights. I did a bunch of dishes, and then I made another batch of those pumpkin brownies (which gives me additional excuses to use up all that pumpkin-cream cheese frosting I made!), and also mac-n-chz to go with those hotdogs!!

J had a hard time today, and he really liked the brownies I made last time. This time, upon J's request, I melted the chocolate chips before incorporating them into the batter, and added finely-chopped walnuts:

They baked up really nicely. Here was the result:

J helped a little with putting the batter together, and that was really nice. I always like when I have company in the kitchen; I like sharing the space and sharing the task.

J took a short nap sometime afterwards. While that was happening, I decided to make mac-n-chz. I was a little shocked this time to open the box and find a silver sauce packet paired with the ridged noodles:

...Seriously, what is going on with my favorite boxed mac-n-chz??? I'm used to the ridged noodles with the gold-colored sauce packet. And then one time, it was smooth, shorter noodles with the silver-colored sauce packet. And today it is the ridged noodles with the silver-colored sauce packet!!! What's next – smooth noodles with a gold sauce packet??? I don't know!!!

...I know, ultimately, that it's trivial. It tasted mostly the same as usual. My autistic brain is just throwing a small fit over the unexpected inconsistency of something that is usually familiar. It's fine. I'll get over it.

Of course, the results were delicious. Want some?

The rest of the time was spent talking to J and and off before going to Eggcellent to visit a friend I made on the friend-making app! I went with J, because I was supposed to meet this person at 4pm, and... it gets dark by 4:30 at my house now, and I can't drive at night because of having astigmatism; all the headlights of the cars become infinity porcupines in every direction, and I can't see, so it's not safe for me to be behind the wheel.

On the way there, I got some really nice pictures of the sky! Check 'em out!

We all got some yummies! My friend got a crème brûlée milk tea; it's similar to the crème brûlée “latte” (it's not really a latte because it has no coffee), except... it's made of tea instead of milk, and my friend doesn't like tea. But that's fine!! I decided that her milk tea is now mine, and I got her the latte instead, which she enjoyed much better!

Here's what I got!! I had her milk tea, and I got a rose matcha latte with cream cheese foam, tea jelly, and sago!!

Also, Eggcellent is selling actual crème brûlée now!!! And it's really good!!!

...I'd give just about anything for you to be able to be here to enjoy this with us...

She, J, and I talked for a long time about a variety of things!! It was fucking great!!! And then from there, she came to visit our house, and we talked for a while about you, and we talked about her Danganronpa and Homestuck Alternate Universes, and about the characters she likes!! I don't know much about Danganronpa or about Homestuck, but these sound like cool stories, and I love a good infodump!!!

Before long, it was time for her to head out. I really enjoyed my time with her today, and I hope she'll come back to visit soon!! Maybe we can play StepMania on my frankenpad or something!!!

I don't have a whole lot else on my brain today. I talked to a few people on and off, but I mostly stayed off the internet today. That being said though, I did have a song stuck in my head all day. This one, to be precise:

I think maybe I'll try to memorize the lyrics to this one relatively soon; I kinda wanna be able to sing this one, even though my braces make it a little more difficult than usual for me to make certain sounds, hahaha!

…

...I am 36 hours into almost no pain – since that big huge crunch the other day. I mean... there's still some residual tension, but... it seems very minor compared to what it was, even on a relatively good pain day. I did a bunch of dishes today and cooked twice. It's been a long time since last I've been able to do that without being screwed up all to hell for a couple days afterwards.

...I wanna do more. But I'm kind of afraid of overdoing it and ending up right back where I was before.

I think it'll still be a bit before my next PT appointment, though, so I'll keep doing my PT exercises and hoping for the best.

...Well. I guess that's it for today; I gotta wake up relatively early for work tomorrow. All the same, as always, I'm over here, hoping that you're well, and wishing that I could ask you about how things are going for you and receive some kind of concrete answer.

I love you. And I'm hoping that you're doing your best to stay safe. Please make good and kind choices out there, okay? So that maybe someday, you can come visit for brownies and conversation in a safe, warm house where you are loved and welcomed. Please don't forget that you're irreplaceable – not for what you can do or for the weight your name carries, but for the kind and gentle person you are.

Please come back home. We miss you.

I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[nathank77]

5/27/24

7:50 p.m Added to/Edited

Last blurp: I am worried that if I drug myself with 2mg of Melatonin, 25mg of Hydroxyzine and 1mg of xanax at 3:30 a.m I'll struggle to sleep bc by the time maximum effectiveness hits it'll be 6 a.m and I'll have only been up for 12 hours and 30 minutes... I shouldn't have let myself oversleep.

Maybe I'll take it at 4:30 or 4 a.m. I should pass out regardless but I mean I want to make sure. I don't want to have to take a second Hydroxyzine or one 25mg of Benadryl.... I don't want to be overly sedated. I mean I already overly sedate myself on the 1mg Xanax days cause when I see myself falling asleep at 8:30 a.m... it's like my circadian rhythm is getting worse... I got to be asleep by 7:30 the latest... I don't want my life to become more dysfunctional. I got a lot of phone calls to make and I can't be waking up at 5 p.m although I don't think that'll be a long standing issue. It's just between yesterday and today, I woke up yesterday at 4:48 and today at 5:15... also I fell asleep closer to 9 a.m both days... tomorrow I will probably wake up around 2 p.m or 3 and it should help reset everything.

I won't have another 1MG Xanax day until my t-shot next week. Everything should go back to normal tomorrow.

Beyond that I wish my family did something for memorial day. My family is so fucking dead. We have a pool and everything and we planned nothing. I'm going to get ear plugs on the 1st so I can swim. Whenever I decide to do that which won't be often but- when I want to if I don't have ear plugs I get water stuck in my ears and it drives me crazy! So I wont swim until I get them.

On Thursday after therapy I plan to watch movies with my mom. Wednesday I'll go grocery shopping if I don't tomorrow and then I'll have therapy at 7 p.m on Wednesday. I prob will wait on the gym. Once I get the oil change out of the way, my next big thing is the apple store for apple care cause of my quicktime player taking years to add videos together.

I don't want to get ahead of myself. All I have to do this month is the oil change/car wash, my t-shots, bloodwork for my thyroid, the dentist on the 11th assuming he doesn't cancel again and get the estimate on teeth sealant cause I want to move on that and then the cardiologist on the 26th. The gym is going to fit in nicely and I'll have time to game at least once or twice a week. Of course I want to move on glasses but the money makes me want to wait... I'll consider the teeth sealant Cost versus the glasses... if I could get the bad tooth done for 150$ or less tbh it's more important than my glasses...why? It's fucking BROWN in the corner and nothing gets it off. And it's significantly cheaper than glasses...

Of course I could game after therapy or something too but I care about immersion... and tv time and sleep is my only escape from this shitty hallucination. Despite that I want to game and I figure if I cut out a day or two a week I can enjoy it...

I really want to go up 3000mg of white mulberries a day but I'm waiting until the 13th of June cause it'll be a month as of that date since I went to 2000mg and it has been well tolerated...

I got to get cbd on June 1st which I'm not happy about but I said I'd give it to June 26th at least 2 months on 100mg... I may give it to July 26th cause I feel the need to up my white mulberries. They really do seem to work as an antipsychotic.

I also got to call about disability a few times this month so I can either keep my appt in July or reschedule it depending on my dad cause I want my backpay as soon as possible but another worthless phone appt to accomplish nothing makes no sense. So I should call prob every week until I hear he is receiving disability and cancel/reschedule depending on that.

[fedorahead]

i deep cleaned my teeth yesterday (yeah shut up, brushing, flossing, rebrushing, i do it quarterly xD) and spent the rest of the day with a headache and feeling sore every time i bit something

it was less bad than last quarter though lmao

my system works weirdly well but man oh man is cleaning day annoying. after my braces/rubberbands fucked up my jaw and made divots in my teeth (i was taking perfect care of them for those 3 years, that wasn't on me) my teeth settled a little so they don't line up perfectly, and brushing removes the enamel for a while so they clack against each other and chip more for a few days.

my derpself decided to bite off a clothes tag from a stuffy and i totally failed and thought it'd garrotted my tooth but it turned out it was just an impact snap sensation and the tooth was fine thank the gods

today i can feel some enamel coming back which is good.

anyway, considering white strips again because even though they don't remove the flouride overdose stains on my front teeth (from young young childhood) they do make the lines around them less prominent

my approach to teeth is probably the most societally deviant thing i actually do/believe, as i don't trust dentists and having every claim they made at me when i was small disproven definitely did not help, but *shrug* my system works. i've got fillings from childhood and a cap from my teen years, and one of my teeth has some damage i think from sugar, but i went in to a dentist at 15 and they listed nearly 20 cavities they said i had, did work on 3 of them and tried to scare me into brushing my teeth more but since i was actually doing that regularly at that point all they did was traumatize me against dentists (they pulled out a syringe with metal finger rings and said they needed to use the bigger one because i had neglected my mouth so much, which absolutely freaked the shit outta me and didn't even fucking work because i don't process anaesthetic), so i stopped doing anything with my teeth at all and then i went back to a dentist when i was living in oregon and the number of cavities had gone down to like 2 or 3?

anyway it's weird because people with EDS often have bad teeth, and i've always had hyper sensitive teeth, and in adulthood i developed a peppermint allergy so i have to use a special hard to find toothpaste, but since i stopped brushing them regularly i have less cavities, less canker sores, they're way less sensitive to temperatures (sugar hurts but it always has and that's a good reminder not to have too much lol), i cut my tongue less, and i have less headaches. i will probably need work done on the tooth that has damage, but right now it's not getting worse and doesn't generally hurt. the main places i have had issues are when i needed a root canal because they filled a tooth without cleaning it properly, and the cap from that has a weird lip under it... and when they "filled" a "cavity" between my two front teeth they left a glob of extremely textured dental cement that i had to break down over a year or too just so my tongue would stop getting cut to fuck on it. that was hellacious.

anyway, out of everyone i know, i still have all my teeth save the wisdom teeth they removed in its own traumatic, bone-shard-discovering arc. so the system works. not the dentistry system, my weird ass hippie approach to tooth care system.

also my toothpaste is flouride free and i don't drink flouridated water unless i have to. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

we have a vague theory that having too much flouride as a little kid gave me superteeth, but that wouldn't explain the damage done by brushing, dentists, and oh gods, mouthwash, that was the worst.

[pbandjesse]

Today was the last farmers market of the season! I still have at least two more winter/holiday markets but it was the last one at the museum. And I had such a good time. It was good day.

I slept alright last night. My voice is still strained but a lot more normal. I can actually talk so that's nice. Though my throat does hurt a little bit. But I was able to sleep until 730 and things were good.

Everything kind of fell apart when we left though. James drove us the normal way and then our exit was closed?? And we were forced to go through the tunnel. But the exit going the other direction was also closed! So a less then 15 minute drive took more then a half hour and was terrible. I was not having fun and was trying not to fall apart but I was very close.

We got to the museum right before 830.

James helped me get everything over. And I would calm down. They went to get me breakfast because they are the best husband. And I got my table set up. I struggled only because it was really windy!

I always find the windy days exhausting. Just fighting to keep all my stuff from blowing away. I still was having fun but it was tough.

After I ate something I felt a little better.

And I had fun! I made a lot of sales and felt good. I also finished sewing a few frogs. I sold one of the new horses to an adorable little girl. One of the kids from my class yesterday came through and his mom and me had a nice conversation and she got a few stickers and two frogs! Amazing. I was having a great time.

Ginny gave me a ton of extra treats since she didn't want to bring anything home. And I enjoyed my brownie I had bought.

It was a good last day. I enjoyed texting with my dad. And with James. And Jess. Celia sent me a picture of a shark tooth she found at Calvert cliff snd I was very jealous!

I was very cold but I was just having a good time. My hands would start to hurt while I was knitting and went inside to warm up and say hi to James. And would just enjoy my morning.

Steve, the man who asked me to fix his bear, came to collect. And he was so excited. It was so sweet! He paid me more then I asked him and he told me he's had this bear for 20 years!! I thought he just found this bear recently but he's been holding onto it for so long! I'm really glad he was happy.

The end of the market came really fast. The distillery gave everyone drinks (which I said thank you but no) and everyone was being silly and it was very fun just getting hugs and saying goodbye. Auni came through to give thank you cards and she wrote the nicest note and made me feel very appreciated. I was feeling very happy.

I had a nice conversation at the end with the security guard. Apparently none of the market vendors knew that we had security on the weekends. And that was always have. This one was just wearing a vest with security on it so he was more visible. But I went to chat with him and he started saying how great James was and I was like. That's my husband!! And he freaked and was like that's my guy!!!! Just praising James for being so smart and kind and fun and welcoming and I'm like. This is all true!! I'm so glad you see that!!

I went to say goodbye to James. I would watch the desk for a few minutes and even checked someone into the musuem. Befoee I said goodbye to them and headed home.

When I got back here I brought all the baked goods in. And got changed. And almost immediately got in bed. I was still really cold so I put my heating bad on my middle and went to sleep.

I would lay there and watch videos for a while but eventually I did fall asleep. And woke up at 430 pretty tired still. But I wanted to accomplish some stuff tonight. We rescheduled seeing houses to Monday. And that was for the best.

When James got home they were exhausted. They wanted to do laundry and run the dishwasher but they were just really tired.

I was too. And cold. They warned me up some soup for dinner and it helped. And at 6 I got up to work in the studio.

James helped out my fabric and materials from yesterday tomorrow. They also brought my market stuff up so I could put everything away. I set up the picnic table in here to use for cutting fabric. And then did some work making a Tshirt pattern for my private lesson tomorrow. This was tough but I figured it out eventually!

I would do a lot of fabric cutting next. I want to have more horses for the winter markets. I got 12 cut out and 3 sewn. Need all their hair and eyes but still got a lot done. I also got 4 bears all sewn up.

I was actually super productive tonight. I did some snail catching in the tanks. We put all the Christmas stuff in the bedroom so it'll be ready to hang after Thanksgiving. And I felt really good. Having a 4 hour video just going helped me stay focused. I never had to stop to pick something new. It was excellent.

It was a really nice evening and a good day. Tomorrow I have my private lesson with Naomi and I'm looking forward to it. I will probably clean in the morning and just get ready for the week. I hope you all have a great day and sleep well tonight!! Until next time!

[corktheauthor]

Julie and the Space Alien Part 2: Museums, Deception, and Waffles.

I had thought that I would never see that wonderful human, Julie, again. The day had been near its end and guides were sweeping the planet for stragglers, and they were not best pleased to find two beings firmly off of the designated track. The two of us were escorted to the nearest teleport link without being allowed to exchange any more words, and then we were separated forever. Or, I thought we were. But then I went to the Martian Museum the next day.

I suppose it is not all that unlikely, two beings with an interest in Earthly history visiting the neighbouring planet on their museum tours. But it still seemed like a wholly unpredictable turn of events. Or perhaps it was that my hearts had not expected it, were not prepared for it, when I saw that brilliant, glorious human standing right across the room, showing her tooth-bones off in a dazzling grin.

We had engaged in conversation quickly, discussing a nearby piece. She had asked a question, and I knew the answer only because I had read the plaque earlier, but I pretended that I was knowledgeable on the subject for no other reason than to impress her. What can I say, Julie brings out my human side a little more. But it had spiralled, with my answers becoming less sure and more improvised until I was completely out of my depth. I knew nothing of the subject, but I couldn’t stop talking about it now.

“So, what’s a Martian’s fourth antennae for?” she asked, and I made a nervous clicking sound.

“Detecting minerals in the ground,” I decided. It was almost fun, making up all of these facts. Like telling a story to a friend, if that story involved lies and deceit and generally being an absolutely terrible Hnemeling. Okay, perhaps not so fun, but I was, as the humans say, ‘in too deep’.

“And how do you know all this?” she asked for the fourth time.

“I have a Level 6 Qualification. Half a degree, in human terms.” I did, in fact, have a Level 6 Qualification, but it was in the art of bread-making, and was not proving (a pun! How delightfully human!) to be of much use in the current situation.

“Uh-huh.” The phrase ‘uh-huh’ was one I hadn’t come across before today. Julie informed me when I asked that it was a confirmation in human terms, but I was starting to wonder how truthful that was. She only seemed to employ the phrase when I said something particularly unconvincing.

“Do you believe me?” I asked, tilting my head in a show of curiosity. I learned yesterday that humans share this gesture with us, so I am sure she understood that my question was innocent and genuine.

“Should I believe you?” she asked back. It did not sound like an innocent and genuine question. It felt like she was making an accusation. I would have been offended had she not been completely right.

“No,” I admitted, wrapping a tentacle around my body for comfort. I could not meet the humans eyes.

“So, you mean to tell me that Martians don’t have seven feet and extremely impressive ballroom dancing contests?” she asked, sounding shocked. A quick glance at her face, however, showed that she was smiling, which is not the human way of expressing shock. It was like an emotional malfunction!

“I am confused,” I admitted, my tentacle loosening as I relaxed. “You are acting rather strangely.”

“I’m messing with you,” she told me gently. “I’m from Earth, Th’aaxnak, you think I don’t know my own neighbouring planet?”

“You do not seem upset at my deception,” I noted.

“You don’t seem upset at my messing with you,” she replied.

“I am not. I am glad that you think no less of me for lying to you. It was unintentional.”

“You read the plaque then ended up in over your head?” she guessed, then explained the expression ‘over your head’ with patience only held by humanity. Rumour has it that before they were civilised, they were ‘patience predators’, winning their meals by stalking rather than running, by waiting instead of acting, and by using their oversized brains to solve problems with the least effort. I never did believe those rumours, but this Julie human seems to have nothing but patience for my endless questions and constant need for translation.

“I like you, Julie,” I blurted out suddenly, before my cheeks turned a traitorous green in a clear show of embarrassment. I had not meant to voice that.

“As… a friend?” she asked, going a funny shade of red.

“If that is not too presumptuous. I very much enjoy our time together.”

“Oh, yeah, me too. Just didn’t want to have the ‘I only date Earthlings’ talk with a Space Alien, you know?”

“I’m sorry, did you just say date?” I asked, feeling horrified from the tips of my tentacles to the fuzz on my feet.

“No— Well, yes, but—”

“And I thought I was the presumptuous one—”

“Humans say ‘like’ to mean, like, different things, and I was worried that—”

“Yet here you are, thinking I was attracted to you—”

“And can we please stop talking about this and just go out for platonic waffles some time?”

“I— waffles?”

“Human food,” she clarified. “Tasty.”

“Like a date?” I teased, and she rolled her eyes to indicate she understood that I was now the one messing with her.

“Don’t push it, Space Alien.”

“You know my name, why do you call me Space Alien?”

She moved her shoulders in something I would later know of as a shrug. “It’s funny. Now come on, you’re gonna love waffles.”

“I cannot wait, Human Friend!”

“That’s the spirit, Space Alien!”

Prompt 2331

They didn’t know anything about the subject, but they couldn’t stop talking about it now.