#when i tell you i Prepared for today’s interview. i had an interview yesterday and i wrote down everything i did wrong to make sure

[fingertipsmp3]

Just had the weirdest job interview in my life and now I’m eating a big cookie. How is everyone

[occamstfs]

Chauffeur Swap

Another epistolary TF ! Cocky office worker to an equally cocky gym bro, trait swap + IQ Drain aplenty -Occam

Monday May 6th

Morning 

I’m beyond thrilled that I’m finally being looked at for a promotion. I’ve worked my ass off for this company ever since I graduated and I am not going to let this chance slip through my fingers. It’s such a good gig, in the week leading up to them filling the position they’re letting us use the company’s chauffeurs as just one little hint of the luxury this promotion will afford us.

At least, that’s what I thought before my driver arrived to pick me up and I saw what a slob of a man my driver was! I mean my word! I thought it was a prank or something else untoward! I’m sure he could tell too, I could not muster even a shy smile, nothing to do but grimace. God and that was before I got in! He must have just been an Uber hired or something because it smelled like a locker room in there! Truly vile!

God willing this is a one off occurrence, hate to get the oaf in trouble. Though judging by the state of his hygiene though he clearly needs to be taught a lesson somehow! I mean even with this job I couldn't afford to buy cologne enough to hide that stink- perhaps some dog-strength febreze- Ha!

Evening

Godddd fuck! The last thing I needed after such a stressful day was to be greeted by that animal’s face- worse yet, his SCENT! I underestimated just how grueling this interview charade would be. It is just one final hurdle to the big leagues though. I will leave petty contrivances like suffering through this unpleasant car ride behind.

Just to make the time pass with greater speed I put forth some small talk. Not like I could hold my breath near long enough to make a difference, and it couldn’t hurt to vent about what a hassle the day had been hm? After this though he started talking about himself and fwoh- could I not care less about whatever surely protein-fart based drivel or beer-brained diatribe he launched into. 

Perhaps this is unfair, I did not deign to listen to him. So perhaps he’s better than he seems. But who could blame me, sitting in that car was punishment enough to earn me tuning him out. And! And! For him to have the benefit of the doubt surely he could at least wear deodorant! Hm. Unless he is trying? God that would be depressing, to be so, ugh- I continue to hold out hope I never see him again

Tuesday May 7th

Morning

Mm, I simply must develop a better poker face if I am to continue to suffer in this odor for the week, god forbid even longer- I have prepared accordingly however, yesterday no one mentioned it at work but I swear I kept smelling it, him, all day? Same when I got home, just everytime I calmed down from work bam! I smelled this horrid car ride. I am bringing my cologne to work with me, I plan to put it at lest once more when I arrive at work.

It’s just, Why is this my problem right! I don’t know what his problem is, but I don’t see why I have to suffer because of it right? I should not have to deal with someone like this, he’s supposed to be working for me. I uh, it’s not like I think I’m better than him I just, well I am better than him. Hm, I lost my train of thought. 

Ugh, I keep spacing out today- I’m sure it has to do with my twice-daily rides with, hm. I don’t even know his name. It’s? You know I don’t care. I just need to take it easy, I’m not letting this fucking dude-bro pitstain of a man bother me this much! I’m getting my bag and he is not worth a second further of my, uh, attention.

Evening

I have a headache and I don’t know how it is his fault but it has to be. This whole thing is setting me on edge, I need to chill about Ben. That’s right Ben! I got his name, I actually told him about my headache and he told me that he usually meditates to clear his mind- which crazy that someone so, despite all appearances, mindful treats his body like a sty but- Well not a sty I suppose, or at the very least a well built one- 

Ah, that’s not quite appropriate is it. God he is hot though. Honestly sitting there just breathing in his, uh, scent, helped with the headache. Wait no, it was the meditation, God, why can I not stop thinking of his fucking B.o. My headache was gone but now I feel I’m beginning to run a fever, or at the very least I need to turn down the AC or something-

Better not affect my work tomorrow.

Wednesday May 8th

Morning 

Not gonna be a good one. I fucking woke up late which ive literally never done before! I barely got myself up and ready in time and didn’t realize until the car but I didn’t bring my cologne with me. It turned out to be the least of my problems however as when I got in his car I fully spilled my coffee all over the backseat. Hopefully this will mask his putridity because I now have to sit in the front with him for the ride.

He must know. He has to know it has to be some kinda sick, uh, fetish or something. Its untendable untenable. god get your shit together Jacob. Its so hard to focus on anything else now that Im sitting right by him. I need to talk to someone about this, fuck its like hes exposing his pits on purpose. He wants me to stare at him, i bet. Bet he gets some sort of sick rise out of me. Im sure him and all the other chauffeurs probably get together and jack off about how repulsive and, uh, strong they all are.

God Fuck! Get me out of this car im losing my mind! Need to, ill just get some work done on the commute, should help i think. God its getting hot in here again or something, so help me if this fucker starts actively sweating im gonna lose it

Evening

i just couldnt get anything done today i dont know what was fucking up dude? it was just so hot in there and i mustve forgotten to put deodorant on this morning, people kept complaining but i didnt even notice? i guess i was sweating more than usual, but like, it was so hot in that office and my clothes felt weird, tight almost. As if tho, lol im sure no one even really noticed that i was off.

OH speaking of, Ben really put himself together on the ride home today. He was wearing a button up and everything, must have seen how nice im living and got his shit together! Maybe ive been to hard on the douche? nah car still smelled like shit haha! Or i think it did? didnt really notice it until like halfway thru?

Fuck my clothes are so tight all of a sudden, godd its so hot actually. I look fucking huge in this tiny little monkey suit- almost like Benjamin ha- as if id stoop so low, even if i started getting massive not like id be dum enough to be on his level lol

Thursday May 9th

Morning

Fuckin couldnt find ANYTHING this morning dude! it was like someone came in and took or hid everything i need for work today. ended up having to just fuckin leave for the car without a suit jacket- pretty sure ive got an extra in my office tho so were chill there. mm probably shouldve shaved tho lol

Oh yeah the files! i had some reports that i needed to bring in but totally couldnt find them! Turns out benjamin had them the whole time it was weird, guess i left them last night. but he was like such an ass about it, like he knows anything though the uh, jock, jerk uh. hes actually dressed better than me rn isnt he. Finally threw on a dress shirt, surely inspired by me haha- pulling it off quite well too, his chest hair peaking up through mm-

Fuckkk dude my cocks kinda getting hard looking at him, starting to smell musty in the car too, wait oh shit i didnt even notice that it didnt reek when i got in! weird that its starting to stink now tho whats up with that, looks like hes finally noticing tho ha! its nice to see him finally react to how bad my uh, no how I GOD, how bad fuckin’ he stinks obviously. whatever, ive got more important stuff to think about.

Evening 

okay work was like, not fuckin chill today. idk what was up but like, every little thing i did today just wasnt good enough apparently like okay?? you know me, if something seems off clearly, fucking OBVIOUSLY it uh, i? god my head just keeps going blank i dont get it, im just. Huh, kinda smells like Ben all of a sudden, oh fuck lol my pits have completely sweat through my shirt-

None of this matters anyway though bro! Because i just had the BEST sesh with Ben after work!! honestly the work shit doesnt even bother me, shouldve seen me its like i am a natural at this shit i was getting a pump like ive done it a hundred times. im sure it smelled like a locker room on the ride home lol

OH! I didnt even say, it was all ben’s idea!!! he said the gym always helps him when uh, things get too hard to think about and fuckk bro hes so right. hes so, lol i almost said hes so smart- he definitely knows how to work out though, he kept helping me with my technique but im prety sure he just wanted an excuse to touch me- 

not that im complaining LMAO- every time he did it was like i felt myself getting stronger, and less worried about all those yes-man suit fuckers! hed adjust my arms and i would feel my biceps just suddenly pump larger, hed bump his hands into my pecs while spotting me and theyd just force the bar up even faster, wish hed just go ahead and grab my cock lol

theres time yet too- gonna crash at his place tonight! hopefully ill get to see him put his magic fingers and tight body to use cause fuck bro idk if it was the pump or what but i dont think my balls have ever been this blue, like any time i try to think about, oh ughh, work i just. mm everything in my body just begs me to fucking blow a load- 

Friday May 10th

Morning

fucker just went to bed early- got me all riled up and then i had to jack off alone. felt way better than usual tho, my cock seems bigger to lol, dk whats up with that. wanted to try again this morning but ben was just on my fucking ass trying to get me out the door 

i didnt have any of my clothes, duh, so i just threw on some of his, crazy how much they fit me? they even kinda already smell like me lol. he actually put a suit on which seems wild, funny that i look like a slob and he looks like some uh, fancy guy. Like i should right? uhh is my headache coming back? lol idk but looking at him in that fucking suit sure is making it hard to focus-

ben said i can just change n stuff when we got to the office, its why hes dressed up. ill go ahead and drive us and then hell just run up and get my clothes, idk if theyll fit tho? feel like im larger than i was for some reason- oh yeah my massive fucking pump lol- 

mh speaking of pump, maybe while hes up there ill have time to jack another one out, not like anyonell see or care ya? like its a problem im about to be the fuckin alpha of this company or uh, something. itll be done before hes back, only evidence will be cum stains on his clothes lol. ugh it smells so fucking dank in here i might just cum without touching it lol

Evening

shit man, dont know what i was doing? i feel like i was supposed to go into work today but ben says from now on im just his driver. which easy gig right lol? doesnt even care that i dont shower huhuh-

he got his big promotion today!!! he looked so smug and hot when he came down to tell me, and he promised wed have some fun about it when he got home tonight- just gotta drop him off at some stupid fancy dinner ill probably hit the gym while hes there. gotta keep it up or ill look like some fucking dweeb

plus that means ill get the car totaly filled with my bo- hell fuckin love that, after he gets a good whiff no way wil he not want to fuck then and there huhuh fuck, kinda needs to get that exercise in now that hes doing whatever bitchass shit they do all they day up there needs to give in and just fuck me finally its been so, ugh long and my balls feel so full, and im sweating so much god im fogging up the windows loli better be careful i need to keep it together until then urgh- 

god i just smell so fucken hot

[padfootagain]

Grey Days

Hi everyone! Here is a little Hozier oneshot for today! It’s a little sad, but mostly hurt/comfort. Did I write it after crying when I watched that interview he did where he spoke about his struggle with mental health? Yes. Obviously. I want to give him so many hugs…

I hope you like it! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader

Warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, mentions of depression

Summary : Andrew is used to feel low sometimes, he has been plagued by those periods for as long as he can remember. But if he usually solves his sadness by being alone, this time, the antidote to his pain might be you.

Word Count : 2671

Hozier’s Masterlist – Main Masterlist

There were days like this, where everything was grey for no reason.

The sky rolling with clouds, heavy with rain, threatening with thunder, for sure wasn’t helping. But Andrew couldn’t pretend that it was at fault. Nor was the season, spring was on the horizon after all. There were boughs staining the branches, the first flowers blooming, the air a little warmer, the wind calmer than the winter storm. The birds had been chirping all morning, even if they had quietened now, under the menace of rain. He should be happy. The sun was high this morning, he had gotten some work done at Alex’s, he had had a nice lunch with his parents. Nothing but positive things, in theory.

And yet Andrew could feel his skin crawling, the tears that threatened to rise and spill, the numbness that came with spleen. Christ, melancholy was such a bitch, sometimes.

It was a bad day, the voices in his head were louder than usual. Despite the distractions he couldn’t keep them down. He kept on thinking about the pieces of songs he had recorded this morning with Alex, and on the spot they sounded good. Now, all he had left was doubt. For sure, none of it was good enough, and his lyrics were all over the place, and they didn’t do the subject justice… the didn’t do you justice…

He felt the burn in his eyes and the tightening in his throat again, his breathing grew more laboured, so he took a deep breath. He was driving, now was not the time…

And yet the thoughts were still there. As he entered his tiny town, the swirling of voices kept shouting.

Not good enough…

Don’t know how to write a proper song…

Got lucky with one song, will never be good enough again…

Imposter…

He entered his driveway, parked the car there. He didn’t notice your car until he was turning his head towards the front door.

Fuck…

He wasn’t in the mood for socialising, for pretending that everything was alright, for playing perfect boyfriend…

Another person you’ll end up disappointing…

Another thing in your life you don’t deserve…

He closed his eyes for a moment, tried to shush the voices. Just voices. It was just his busy head being louder than usual.

He just needed to calm down…

Damn, he should have called to cancel for tonight. You had a date night planned, you had told him you would come to his place early to start preparing dinner. You weren’t living together but he had a change of keys to your place, and you had one to his. He didn’t need to be home for you to come in.

Yesterday, Andrew was thinking about asking you to move in with him, to make a common home out of his large house.

She’d never say yes to you anyway…

He clenched his jaw, until his teeth gritted.

Just voices. Just voices. He was okay, he was fine…

It was just dinner, and it would be lovely. He loved you, he would have a great time…

He blinked his eyes open, brushed the wetness from his eyelashes.

Put on a brave face for her, come on…

He released some of the tension across his jaw, finally let go of the steering wheel. The soreness in his fingers made him realise how tightly he had been holding it.

He had no strength left in his body to open the car door, but he did it anyway. He was kind of used to it, the falls that followed the heights. It hadn’t happened in a long time. So bad, out of nowhere? Probably a year. Yeah, not long after the two of you started dating. It was pretty smooth after that. There were days when he didn’t feel great, but he didn’t feel terrible. With no energy left in his frame, no positive thoughts on his mind, no faith in himself, and no social battery either. Usually, when he felt like this, he simply locked himself up for a couple of days. The solitude usually helped. And now, he needed to be left alone, or at least he thought so. Besides, he would be in a terrible mood all evening, you would properly get tired of the sight and his sharp tone very quickly. And he didn’t want to take it out on you, it wasn’t fair, and he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t. He was too tired to be angry anyway.

He unlocked the front door, was welcomed by the smell of spices. It should have made him smile, but instead, his heart clenched.

He took off his shoes and jacket, slowly, too slowly. Any other day he would have hurried to join you.

Tonight, all he wanted was to be alone, to not talk to anyone, to get out of his clothes that felt like a burden too heavy to carry, and get under the covers, and lie there for the rest of the night, and maybe throughout tomorrow too.

Instead, he walked to his kitchen, nervously rubbing at his palms. God, he bet he looked terrible. He didn’t have a hair tie, and his hair was frizzy with the humid air, and he felt so fucking ugly when he entered the room, knowing he looked like a mess in sweatpants and an old t-shirt when you looked stunning, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen…

You didn’t seem to notice, because when you saw him, you let out an excited gasp and hurried into his arms.

Why did the feeling of you in his embrace make him want to cry?

“Hi, baby! How was your day?”

He cradled the back of your head in his large hand, gently, as if you could break under his touch. He rested his lips on the top of your head, took a deep breath of your shampoo, the scent so familiar, so soothing, so reassuring…

He closed his eyes.

It lasted a couple of seconds, and then the voices were back.

One day she’ll see you can’t make her happy…

He pulled away.

“Good,” he answered elusively, forcing a smile, but he knew it was tight-lipped. “Busy.”

“Did you get some work done with Alex, then?”

“Hmm… loads.”

“Good! You must be tired then, you can sit down, I’m almost done!”

He looked at the meal you were making for the two of you. You had set up the table, had even lit up some candles. It was fucking nice, so damn romantic…

“Smells amazing,” he complimented, but you seemed to notice that there was no light left in his voice. “Gonna take a shower before joining you, okay?”

“Sure! But… you’re okay, honey?”

Honey… Honey…

“Yeah, just… tired. Long day. I won’t take long.”

You nodded, offering a smile and he did his best to give it back.

He thought the shower would help, but it didn’t. He almost let the floodgates open while the warm water numbed his muscles, made his body feel like it wasn’t there at all. He had even less strength as he walked out of the shower. But at least, now, he was wearing a shirt and black jeans, and he had tied his hair in a low bun, looking close to presentable. He was wearing his glasses, he didn’t have the energy to put some contacts on.

When he entered the kitchen again, you had poured some red wine, were humming to a tune he didn’t know, checking the cooking of your vegetables.

“Almost done! Perfect timing!” you announced with pride.

“Thank you for cooking tonight,” he let out in a breath.

He knew his shoulders were bent, he knew you had noticed the way he was trying to look as small as possible. He read it in your frown. He nervously rubbed at his collarbone, felt irritated now.

She’s doing all this for you, you can’t get mad for nothing. It’s not her fault, calm down.

He sat down, as you invited him to do so. You brought food a couple of minutes later, and he asked you about your day. But unlike any other day, it wasn’t out of genuine curiosity and fondness; he simply didn’t want to speak.

He had done a good job at playing pretend the rest of the day, but he had no energy left to keep the mask on. The cracks were all over his features, in every forced smile, in every glance, in every blinking of tears. Your food was delicious, he complimented you on it, forced himself to swallow it fully, even if he felt like he might throw up if he kept on eating.

“Andy?”

He looked up again, noticing all of a sudden that he hadn’t paid attention to the conversation in a few minutes.

“Hmm?”

“Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

You offered him a kind smile, reached for his hand across the table. An anchor, an intimate gesture of support.

His throat tightened, he couldn’t find his voice.

“Baby… it’s just me. Why are you all closed up all of a sudden?”

He gave you a sad smile, although he had aimed for it to be reassuring.

“Just…”

Just tired was the excuse, but then again, he didn’t feel like lying now. Didn’t have the strength for it. Maybe if he were honest now, you’d show him the voices were right, you’d realise what a loser he could be sometimes, how you should leave…

Shut! Up!

“It’s just… it’s just a bad day.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing. I mean… nothing in particular, I just… I don’t know… sometimes my head gets messy with thoughts for no reason. I’ve been working a lot for the past couple of months, it’s more frequent when I’m tired.”

Slowly, you nodded.

“It’s pretty bad today, right?” you asked, and he nodded.

“I’m sorry. Your meal is truly delicious, and I was really excited about having a date night. I know I’m kind of… fucking up the mood.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

“Isn’t it?” he asked with bitterness in his voice, and he clenched his jaw at the sound.

He wouldn’t let himself get angry against you. He was in love with you. So fucking much. And you didn’t deserve that.

“There’s nothing wrong with feeling down sometimes, Andy.”

He looked down at his empty plate.

“It’s a bit worse than that.”

He heaved a sigh.

“I’m fine though, it just… It just needs to pass. I’ll be back to normal in a couple of days.”

“What do you usually do when something like that happens?”

“Erm… I just… shut down, basically. Wallow in self-pity for a while,” he tried to joke, managed to get a smile out of you. “I just… lock myself up on my own until I feel really low, and then I go out, and… it lingers a few days, sometimes a few weeks, but by then I can put a mask on again.”

“Do you put that mask on with me?”

“It hadn’t been so bad in a long time.”

“And when it’s not as bad?”

He shrugged.

“There’s no need to worry you about that.”

You raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“I’m your girlfriend. I tell you when I’m unwell.”

He started rubbing at his collarbone again, until the skin turned a bright shade of red.

“I don’t particularly enjoy talking about it,” he replied, his tone dry and distant.

“But I… you know you can trust me, right? That you can talk with me about these things…”

“I know… It just doesn’t help. I know how to handle this, I’m fine. I promise.”

Slowly, you nodded, but he could feel that your silence was a bad sign.

“So… usually, you just… spend time alone?”

“Yeah.”

“And it helps.”

“Yeah… yeah, it does. I just… I’m kind of introverted, in case you haven’t noticed,” he gave you a small smile. “I recharge my batteries when I’m alone.”

You seemed to be thinking for a few seconds, and then you were standing. He looked up at you in surprise.

“I should leave you alone, then.”

“Wh… what?”

“You said you needed to be alone… you should have told me, I would have let you have a moment on your own. It’s fine. I get it, if that’s what you need.”

He blinked up, not fully registering what you were doing. His brain jumped to the worst-case scenario, as per usual.

“Are you… are you breaking up with me?”

“What?! Of course, not!”

“You… you’re leaving…”

“Because you said you needed to be on your own for the evening. That’s okay. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

You heaved a sigh, took his hand in yours.

“Andy, I’m very happy with you. I know you love me. There’s nothing wrong in needing to spend some time on your own. You should have just told me. I’ll give you some space for tonight.”

You took his face in your hands, dropped a gentle kiss to his lips.

“I love you, baby,” you whispered as you pulled away. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

And with that you left the room. He heard you fumbling with your things in the hallway.

Being alone was what he needed. He had always longed to take a step back from everyone, even his partners, when he felt like this.

Except that tonight he didn’t want you to leave. He didn’t want to be alone. He wanted to hold you as tightly as he could, and cuddle in bed, and just forget about the world outside your arms, let you hold him until he couldn’t have a single thought anymore…

He jumped to his feet, rushing across the house as you put on your coat.

“Don’t go.”

The plea cut the air like a knife.

He blinked tears away.

“Please, don’t go. I don’t want you to go,” he confessed.

“But you said…”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I won’t be mad if you want to take the night for yourself.”

“Y/N. I don’t. Want you. To go.”

He struggled to swallow back the lump in his throat.

“Please… please, don’t leave.”

You stared at him for a moment, motionless. But then you put your coat back on its hanger, took off your shoes.

When you walked back to him, he almost started to cry.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes… please…”

Before you could say anything else, he was holding you in a tight embrace, one that you quickly reciprocated.

“What do you want us to do, then?” you asked, rubbing his back, and for the first time that day, he felt his muscles relax.

“Honestly… I just want to go to bed, cuddle with you and not move until… the end of the month.”

You laughed, kissing his shoulder through his shirt.

“Well, we’ll have to get up before that I’m afraid… but cuddling for the rest of the evening sounds nice.”

He heaved a relieved sigh.

“I’m sorry, I’m fucking up our date night… it was so lovely of you to cook and everything…”

“It’s okay. It’s fine.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Of course not.”

“Good… that’s grand…”

He finally pulled away, took your hand to guide you to his bedroom. The dishes would have to wait for tomorrow.

He got ready for bed first, and then waited for you. And while he was looking at you as you moved around the bed, plugging in your phone, setting up an alarm for the morning, drinking some water… all he wanted was to hold you close. You were the first person who made him feel that way. Who made him long for companionship even when he felt so low…

… and then, you were in bed, opening your arms for him to settle in your embrace, letting him bury his face in the crook of your neck.

Perhaps this one time, his busy brain was wrong. Perhaps you wouldn’t leave. Perhaps he would stay. And maybe, just this one time, not all things would end…

[greynatomy]

too late

alexia putellas x reader

i know nothing about medical stuff except for the ones i’ve watched on grey’s anatomy

happy valentine’s day i guess

request here

———

The echoes of the heated argument lingered in the air as you paced around your living room. The tension between you and Alexia had reached a breaking point and you have no idea what to do next.

Alexia had left you alone in this big house — which isn’t really anything new — to god knows where. The trophies and medals that lined the shelves, displaying the accomplishments of your longtime partner, stares back at you like souvenirs.

Photographs covering the walls, showing the memories of the love she once held for you. Your fingers tracing the edges of the frame, heart heavy with doubt and sadness.

‘Where did I go wrong?’ You asked yourself.

That was almost three months ago. She had apologized and promised to make changes. The first week was a bliss. She’d wake you up with breakfast in bed, leaving breakfast in the kitchen when she had early training. Random dates throughout the week. You were living the dream.

Then, she won the world cup.

Interview after interview. Appearance after appearance. She was away more times than home. You don’t quite remember the last time you’d both slept in the same bed and woken up together.

—

It was Friday and you were in the kitchen waiting for Alexia to come home from training. You’ve cooked her favorite meal that Eli had taught you to make. You told her you had something to talk to her about so you hoped this meal could lighten the mood a bit.

Thirty minutes had passed so you thought she was just running a bit late.

Then an hour passed.

Another hour after that.

You’ve put away all of the food and prepared a plate for when she gets home to just reheat. Changing into your pajamas, you lounge around in the living room and check your phone. Right when you open up your social media, you were met with videos of your girlfriend and her team at a club.

You try to remember if Alexia had told you if she was going anywhere after practice, but she didn’t.

‘She probably just forgot.’

Hours later, Alexia came home to find you asleep on the couch. She stumbles into the bedroom and knocks out.

—

You’re at home in bed, staring into nothingness. You couldn’t do anything. At least not the things you used to be able to do. Even breathing became difficult.

Alexia was out so much she never noticed how much you’ve changed, how different you looked. She barely spared you a glance. When you do catch Alexia at home, she’s already asleep. You barely notice though because she’s been sleeping in the spare bedroom.

You slowly walk to the kitchen, steadying yourself against the walls. Grabbing a glass, you start to fill it with water when all of a sudden your vision starts going in and out.

Collapsing to the floor, darkness consumes you.

—

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” You ask as Alexia walked through the front door.

“I’m not even fully through the door and you’re already asking me to do things?”

“It won’t take long. It’s just something I have to tell—”

“Ay dios mío! I’m hungover and I just want to sleep. Talk to me tomorrow.”

Alexia walks away to the spare bedroom, knocking out instantly.

—

Alexia is at Mapi and Ingrid’s place with the rest of the team for team bonding. Alexia had an arm around one of Mapi’s friends that she invited over, the girl practically in her lap.

“Hey, Ale! Where’s the missus? Didn’t want to come today?” Mapi questions taking a seat next to Ingrid.

“Ooh, yeah! I miss Y/N, how is she doing?” Pina asks, the girl saw you as a big sister.

Alexia tenses, not knowing why. The girl on her shoves her arm off of her, moving to a different seat making Alexia frown in disappointment.

“Uh, she’s just at home probably. I don’t know?” She shrugs.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Mapi asks, eyebrows furrowed. “You were with her yesterday.”

“I was?” Alexia was confused because she definitely wasn’t. She was at some girl’s pla— her eyes widen. “I was! Yeah. She didn’t feel that well so she wanted to stay home. Yeah.”

Mapi and Ingrid share a look but drops the subject.

The team bonding became crazier that it was supposed to be. People were tipsy and Mapi was surprised they haven’t been yelled at by the neighbors yet.

“Alright.” Mapi stands up, catching everyone’s attention. “Me and Ingrid are going to run to the store, grab a couple things cause we’re running low.”

Everyone bid them goodbye, Ingrid following behind her girlfriend.

“We’re not running low on anything.” Ingrid states as Mapi starts driving.

“No, I just needed an excuse.”

“Excuse for what.”

“To check on Y/N.”

“She’s not home though. Told us herself.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t hurt to check. And we both know damn well Ale wasn’t with her yesterday.”

Arriving to yours and Alexia’s house, they knock on the door. Not getting a response, they try again, no response.

“Hey, Y/N? Are you home? It’s Mapi and Ingrid.”

After a couple of minutes with no response, Mapi uses the spare key she was given a long time ago. Stepping inside, it was quiet. The place was clean, almost too clean. It didn’t look like someone had lived in the place at all with how clean it looked.

Walking further in, Ingrid looks into the kitchen, finding a glass shattered on the floor. Walking around the kitchen island was a sight she didn’t want to see.

“Oh my god, María!” She immediately lays you on your back, placing two fingers on your neck. “There’s no pulse! Call the ambulance!” She starts slapping your face lightly, hoping to wake you up. “C’mon, Y/N. Open those eyes for me.”

“Here. Move.” Mapi pushes Ingrid away, handing her the phone. “You call for them. Wake up, Y/N. Don’t go yet.” She starts CPR, tears start flowing from her eyes, some dripping onto your face. “C’mon! Just wake up, damn it!”

Mapi doesn’t know how long she’s been doing CPR, but paramedics rush into the house, taking over. Ingrid pulls her into her arms where they break down, missing the looks that the paramedics gave each other.

They drive close behind as the ambulance speeds through the streets of Barcelona. Arriving at the hospital, Ingrid doesn’t bother to turn the car off, rushing to where you were being unloaded.

“What do we got?” Doctors rush out to the ambulance.

The paramedics just give a look to the doctors who immediately understand.

“Time of death…”

“Wait! What do you mean time of death? She-she’s fine right?”

“What’s your relationship to…”

“Y/N.”

“Y/N. What’s your relationship to Y/N?”

“She’s my friend and I need to know what’s happened.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t give out any information, but I saw she has a wedding ring on. Can you contact her husband?”

“Wife. She has a wife.”

“Okay, can you contact her wife for us?”

Ingrid is the one to make the call. Mapi watches as they roll you inside the hospital.

“She’s on her way.”

Ten minutes later, Alexia arrives to the hospital, walking to where Ingrid and Mapi were now sitting at the waiting room.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. They won’t tell us but they’ll tell you cause you’re her wife.”

“Y/N Putellas. I-I’m her wife and I need to see her.” Alexia asks, no demands when she goes up to the nurse’s counter.

“Mrs. Putellas. I can take you to her body.”

“Body? What-what do you mean body.”

“Just follow me.”

Walking into the room, a bed is seen in the middle of the room, a white sheet covering it.

“What’s this?”

Alexia walks up to the bed, hand hovering over the white sheet.

“Take your time.”

The nurse carefully pulls the top part of the white sheet to reveal someone — you.

“Oh my god.” Alexia gasps, not expecting to see you in this state. Mapi turns around in Ingrid’s hold, hiding her face in her chest, Ingrid also looking away. “What happened?”

“I can help with that.”

Turning towards the door, a doctor stood just outside.

“May I come in?” Not waiting for a response, he walks right in. He walks towards where your lay, staring at your features. “Mrs. Putellas lived longer than I expected.”

“Okay, can we stop being so criptic and just tell me what’s going on?” Alexia was losing patience. She has no clue what’s happening. She was having a great time and now she sees her wife lying dead right in front of her.

“Y/N Putellas, age twenty-eight, was diagnosed with stage four cancer three months ago. There was nothing that could be done as it was caught very late. All we could have done was make sure she was comfortable.”

“But she refused to be admitted into the hospital to make sure that she was still at home for her wife, no matter how much I protested.” A new voice was heard by the door. Your sister. “Her wife that leaves when she’s still sleeping. Her wife who would rather be out partying than notice how sick she was, fighting for her life. Her wife that doesn’t fucking love her!”

Your sister was now face to face with Alexia, finger stabbing her chest.

“No, no, no.” Alexia mumbles. “That- that’s not true. I love her. I do! Why didn’t she tell me?”

“She tried to.” Your sister stated, voice now void of emotion. “She tried and you brushed her off.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?” Mapi spoke up for the first time in a while.

“Because it didn’t feel important anymore after the many times that Alexia brushed it off.”

“She visited us just three days ago. She was fine.”

“She wasn’t. I think she knew she didn’t have much time left, so she had me drive her around so she can say her goodbyes.”

—

“Alright. Last house.” Your sister stated as she parked the car by the curb.

“Yeah.” You exit the car, slowly making your way to the front door. After knocking on the door, you take a step back. The door opens revealing Mapi.

“Hey, Y/N! What brings you by?”

“Uh, nothing. Is Ingrid here by any chance?”

“Yeah, let me call her. Ingrid!”

Ingrid stands next to Mapi.

“No need to shout. Hey, Y/N. What’s up?”

“Uh, well.” You clear your throat in anxiousness. “I’m gonna go somewhere in a couple of days and just wanted to see you both before I go.”

“Oh? Where are you going?”

“Just- just to take some time for myself.”

“Well, I hope you have fun wherever it is you’re going.”

You give them a smile. “Thank you.” As they were closing the door, you push it back open, wrapping your arms around Mapi tightly. Your breathing is ragged and you can feel the tears forming in your eyes. “You’re my best friend and you know that I love you right?”

Taken aback, she wraps her arms around you in return. “Yeah, you’re my best friend and I love you too.”

“You too Ingrid.” You now wrap your arms around her. “I’ll miss you both.” You step away, walking back down the driveway, giving them one last smile.

The couple don’t think much about the weird interaction, closing the door as they watched your car drive away.

—

Mapi and Ingrid broke down even more, now knowing that your goodbye was the goodbye.

“Tried to say goodbye to you too, but you were nowhere to be found.” You sister shrugged, getting tired of speaking to Alexia now.

“Why don’t you look depressed?”

“I’ve got to spend my time with her. I’ve had time to prepare for the inevitable.” Giving them all a face, she moves to stand where you laid. “I’m gonna talk to whoever about the arrangements and stuff, I’ll leave you guys alone.”

Seeing how Alexia was unable to take her eyes off of you, Mapi and Ingrid decide to give her some time, leaving the room and closing the door behind them. Now all along, Alexia hesitantly steps up next to your bed, hand hovering over yours.

In the dimly lit room, her voice shaky as she uttered, “I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t know if you can hear me, see me, but I never thought I’d see you like this. I never thought I’d hurt you like this.”

She grasps at your hand, squeezing it to stop the tears from streaming down her face.

“I’m too late. Too late. I never realized how good I had it and I see it now. You are— were the best part of me and I was too blind to see it. I took you for granted and I can’t apologize for it.”

The room remained silent, save for the soft hum of chatter outside. Alexia’s heart pounded, waiting for a response that she would never get. Bending down, she gives your forehead a kiss, letting her lips linger for just a moment.

“I’m sorry and I love you.” She whispered before exiting the room.

Arriving at home, Alexia’s emotions finally hit all at once. She couldn’t step any further away from the front door. She couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. The weight of her emotions become too much and the dam finally broke inside of her. Silent sobs racked her body as the vulnerability she had hidden so well crumbled away.

As the tears cascaded down her cheeks, memories of lost moments and shattered dreams replayed in her mind like a haunting film. Each drop carried the weight of unspoken words and broken promises, a wretched reminder of a love that once felt invincible.

The scars on her heart remained, the permanence of lost loves carved onto it, wondering how to face another day haunted by the ghosts of what could have been.

[ferrstappen]

surprise! we are a family l dad!Lando Norris x reader

a/n:thank you so so much to the anon who requested this because... I'm never leaving this idea.

pairing: Lando Norris x female!reader

genre: fluff <3

summary: this wasn't planned. you are basically children yourselves and why isn't getting pregnant at 24 not considered teen pregnancy? Now Lando is waiting to meet his baby and hoping he doesn't mess up.

Lando never thought he'd find himself holding your hand in the middle of the night, fighting the nerves and anxiety of your baby coming too son, three weeks earlier than expected.

He wondered if this was his first taste of fatherhood... His leg bouncing up and down while checking the small screen monitoring the baby's heartbeat; he didn't understand a single thing, but it looked stable and it sounded healthy for his ears. Still, his stomach felt like an endless pit of worries while thinking the baby wasn't supposed to arrive now, it was supposed to be delivered via c-section in three more weeks, just like both you and him had planned.

He also couldn't stop thinking about the long road to this moment.

After finishing university, Lando asked you to travel with him for the remaining of the season which hadn't even reached the 9th date, but you agreed and traveled with your boyfriend with no worries, no homework, no lectures, just you and him, trying to be his emotional support after every race, the pair of familiar eyes during every press conference, the warm embrace after every interview.

You were always so focused on him and his well being that it took Lando more than a good couple of seconds to realize you were throwing up in the bathroom of your shared hotel room, door closed but not locked, so he waited until he heard the water running and the sound of you brushing your teeth.

He asked you what happened, you answered your stomach had been feeling funny for the last couple of days, but today you just couldn't take it. Lando insisted the cause was the seafood you had eaten yesterday at the restaurant.

He didn't even let you kiss him until you brushed your teeth, not wanting to go anywhere near the taste.

The other scenario never crossed his mind; you were always careful, rarely not using a condom even if you were on a contraceptive. You never had a pregnancy scare or anything, always secure on the fact you and Lando were safe.

Anyway, some call it a miracle, others a mistake, whatever you choose, but when your mother suggested you take a pregnancy test just in case since your stomach wasn't the same, your head was everywhere and felt a bit weak during the day, you couldn't rule it out.

It was Interlagos, rainy and humid São Paulo, Lando had left very early for training and you managed to get to a pharmacy and get a test.

You wanted to think it was impossible, but you were too aware of the friend of a friend getting pregnant while on the pill, a friend of you cousin getting pregnant with the implant, a classmate still didn't know how it happened, but now the baby was two years old.

About an hour later, Lando walked into the hotel room, ready to take a shower and sleep, preparing for a busy Friday, but instead he found you sitting with your legs crossed on the bed, not noticing his entrance.

Lando didn't even say hello when he noticed the white stick and a white plastic.

"Please don't tell me you got Covid," That was the only thing on his mind, already too familiar with that test, but this time you stared up at him, trying to find the words.

I am pregnant. What the fuck are we going to do, Lando?

He asked if you were sure, if you were feeling okay, how was it possible, what were you supposed to do now, would your families kill you, would your dad ever speak to him again, should you have the baby or would it be irresponsible.

All those moments were behind as he stared at your scrunched face, teary eyes and messy hair as a contraction hit, but he wasn't able to find the words to help you, he just held your hand and kissed your forehead when you allowed him.

It went on during the entire night. Contractions getting stronger, pain getting sharper, his desperation more palpable whenever someone came in to check you and said there was no progress, you should keep waiting, first babies do this all the time and shit.

He doesn't know when it happened, but the doctor said they'd be taking you to the delivery room or something like that, the baby's heartbeat was decreasing and no signals of dilation or something else Lando didn't understand, but he was worried.

The fact the baby wasn't even born and he was already worrying, about you and the strong pains, the contortion on your face even as you were wheeled inside the sterile room and forced him to separate; worrying about his baby, the one neither you nor him wanted to know the sex and allowing your friends to bet hefty sums on it, maybe the baby didn't want to be out, maybe they were feeling everything going on... was that even possible?

The most extreme scenarios were playing on Lando's head right now.

He wasn't familiar and didn't enjoy this feeling, this helplessness, this preoccupation. Lando drove at high speeds for a living and understood the risks, but this was different, it wasn't his usual terrain and didn't like it.

The only thing he could do was text his mum, informing the things they were doing to you, what they said about the baby, and she reassured him, told him his dad had already spoken to the hospital director so every single person knew he wasn't just a racer, this baby was an heir, very beloved and very awaited.

His thoughts didn't make sense by the time a nurse checked if he had put on the sterile equipment correctly before letting him inside the operation room, where you already were laying with your arms spread, swollen belly visible and surrounded by people, a sterile screen impeding your sight.

this was the last time he was going to see the belly, the one he spent nights talking to, putting his ear to try and hear something, placing his hand to feel every move.

He caressed your hair the entire time, it felt like ages but it was maybe twenty or thirty or forty minutes? when he heard the loudest cry he had ever heard, followed by cheers of the medical personnel and someone asking him to cut the umbilical cord.

What?

But he did everything they asked after making sure you were okay, kissing your lips and clearing the tears from your cheeks, praising your strength, how he loved you even more than he did a couple of hours ago, how he was in awe of you.

"It" turned out to be a "she", not very much hair on her head as they handed her already dressed in the pastel yellow newborn onesie that was a bit big on her.

He couldn't stop staring at her, but still somewhat afraid to hold her for any reason besides handing her to you for feeding. She looked so comfy on the crib, so warm and so safe, he didn't want to break that.

But now you were finally catching some sleep after the surgery, and she looked like she wanted out of the plastic as her tiny fists moved around.

Lando didn't think twice, he instantly knew his daughter wanted to be held. Held by him, her dad.

"Come on, my sweet baby girl," Lando muttered as he accommodated her head on his arm, carefully walking towards the big rocking chair in the room, prepared for this situation.

He let his eyes see her, really contemplate his daughter, a creation by him and the love of his life.

Her tongue poked out, eyelashes carefully caressed her skin, her heart beating along with his.

He silently laughed in disbelief, this was his daughter. The smile on his face was too big, his cheeks were hurting as he carefully stretched his arm to take a picture of her, followed by a selfie of him holding her against his hoodie covered chest, wanting to let everyone know his baby girl arrived, healthy and beautiful.

F1 GRID 2023 OFFICIAL WHATSAPP GROUP

Lando Norris: Get your wallets ready...

Lando Norris: This is Amalia, second name to be discussed, Norris. and now I'm a fucking dad so you'll have to respect me.

He didn't expect many responses, knowing there were time differences and events, but instead he received an overwhelming amount of responses.

Pierre Gasly: fuck no Kika told me to bet on girl!!! Congratulations man, she is the most beautiful baby and cannot wait to meet her.

Fernando Alonso: mis felicitaciones a la familia!

Alex Albon: although I'm disappointed it's not a boy, I'm impressed by your work, never thought you'd be able to create such a gorgeous baby

Charles Leclerc: Congratulations to you and y/n, baby Amalia is gorgeous and already helped her uncle Charles bank account!

Lewis Hamilton: Blessings, my man

George Russell: I always knew it was a girl. Carmen and I are delighted, we are sending our best wishes to the new family!

Yuki Tsunoda: i was so sure it was a boy... congrats!

Estaban Ocon: Pay up, everyone!!! What a blessing she's healthy and has the coolest parents!! can't wait to see her in the paddock

Oscar Piastri: the most beautiful member of the McLaren family. big hug and congratulations to y/n and hope she has a good recovery! I guess you deserve a pat in the back too, congrats mate.

Max Verstappen: Looks like she sided with her favorite uncle, I always knew it was going to be Baby Amalia! She is so lucky to have you as parents and I can't wait to meet her.

Max Verstappen: come on sainz, show your face and pay up!!! I'm favorite uncle.

Carlos Sainz Jr: I don't know if I'm disappointed it's not a boy or crying because she looks like her mother and not like you!!

[minasattic]

“no matter what.”

im nayeon x fem!twice 10th member reader; fluff

warnings: a HINT of angst if you squint, talk of disbandment

w/c: 747

a/n: i don’t like this fic but i’ll post it anyways </3 NOT PROOFREAD !!!!

-

it was saturday, and today was one of the days where all of the girls had an off day. they were rare, so most spent it with eachother, doing fun things around seoul, but a select few, including you, decided to stay at the dorm and rest.

you lounged on your bed, keen on spending your day off rotting in bed. you had scrolled through your phone for hours now, and honestly you were getting kind of bored. you were thinking of going to bother Mina, who had stayed behind, but figured she’d probably tell you to leave so that she could continue playing her game.

so instead, you kept scrolling, mindlessly wandering the internet. that’s until something caught your eye. It was an article on Jeongyeon’s interview with Bazzar earlier that week. You skimmed through the interview, curious to see what the older girl had said.

You stopped when you came across a question asking “Can you believe twice is in its 10th year?”

You felt your heart pang. No, you couldn’t believe that twice was in its tenth year. You couldn’t believe that you had spent ten years with these girls, who used to be strangers to you. it all felt so surreal.

you continued to read, wanting to know what Jeongyeon replied. You felt another pang in your heart reading what she answered. She replied, “How many more albums can we release as twice in the future? We can’t be active as twice forever. Of course, it would be nice if we could, but there will come a time when we each have to walk our own path. It’s not a given that we can prepare an album together like now.”

You set your phone down, getting lost in your thoughts. You hadn’t thought about what it would be like without twice. without your members. you’ve spent every waking hour with them since sixteen, and a world without them feels unreal. but Jeongyeons right, you can’t be twice forever. you’ll have to move on eventually.

just the thought makes you tear up. and in seconds, you have tears running down your face, ugly crying. you grab the tissue box by your bed and try to clean your face up, but failing as the tears continue to stream down your face.

you hear a knock on your door, “y/n-ah, are you okay?” it’s nayeon. she must have heard your wailing.

you sniffle, using all your strength to muster up a reply. “y-yes, nayeon un-unnie” you said through sniffles.

“y/n, you’re clearly not. i’m coming in.” she opens the door, revealing you sitting in your bed, your face red, tissues spewed everywhere, and snot running down your nose. her eyes soften instantly. “oh baby…” she walks over to you, sitting on your bed and pulling you into her embrace. “what’s wrong?” she asks, stroking your hair.

“what are we going to do, unnie…” you mutter. nayeon pulls away, looking at you softly.

“what do you mean?” at that, you start spewing out words. you express how you’re not ready for the future. how you don’t want to grow up. how frightened you are at the fact that it’s already been ten years, when it seemed like only yesterday you all debuted. and how scared you are that you’re going to lose all of them. your best friends.

nayeon looks at you with a pout. she takes your face in her hands and wipes your tears. “it will be okay, y/n-ah.” she says, stroking your hair.

“unnie, i don’t kn-know what i’m going to do without you g-guys..” you say, sobbing.

nayeon sighs. of course she’s thought about disbandment. she wasn’t ready for it either; none of them were. so she tells you what she had been telling herself. “y/n, no matter what happens. no matter what path we choose to take. we are always going to be twice. a silly disbandment won’t break our friendship. we’ll always have eachothers backs, and support each other in whatever we decide to do.”

you nod, hugging her again. she lays down on your bed, putting your head on her chest. “go to sleep, y/n… you’ve had a long day..” you nod, wiping a stray tear.

the two of you sit in silence for a while, before you speak up. “i love you, unnie…” you say, hugging her tighter.

nayeon rubs your back with her hand. “i love you too, y/n.”

you fall asleep, with nayeons comforting embrace assuring you that no matter what life brings you, you’ll always be together.

you’ll always be twice

[chaostudee]

the secret of us, chapter two.

warnings : abuse, language.

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

thursday, media day in the paddock, the highlight of the race weekend for aspiring journalists. a smile adorned your face as you strolled through the paddock, filled with fans galore and mechanics preparing the cars for the race weekend.

with your lanyard around your neck fellow journalist nodded at you in greeting to which you did the same. today claire had assigned you to interview some drivers and sure you were nervous but confident with what experience you had from yesterdays encounter. a blush creeps up your neck when you remember how his piercing hazel eyes latched onto yours and how his smile had enraptured you.

from the moment you walked into the paddock in the early hours of the morning you had been keeping a lookout for him, just to catch a glimpse. would he acknowledge you or had he forgotten you even existed?

"hey y/n you are here finally" claire sighs in relief upon seeing you walking towards her. she looked exhausted yet her makeup and outfit were on point, you could hardly notice which made you question your own clothing choice. she effortlessly always looked flawless.

"sorry am i late?

"no no i just wanted to give you some time to prepare before they come" she adds as she flicks through her briefcase for something.

"em well can you tell me who it is......"

"oh yes um george and lewis i believe".

you chuckle to yourself. of course it is.

claire was not in the dark about george being your brother but she understood that being in the public eye was not your cup of tea and she didn't feel the need to advertise your personal business. and for that you trusted her.

"okay so mercedes reached out and they just briefly want you to ask them personal questions like what they do to relax or like favourite food you know stuff like that, you get me?"

you nod in understanding. just as you are about to open your mouth you see lewis and george walk into the room. air catches in your throat once you clock lewis. he was known to convey his own style during media day and today was no exception. you admired his adventurous clothing style.

george gives you a subtle nod and you smile back. you couldn't believe you had made it to this position. you were finally interviewing drivers and although it was all still on a trial basis you were proud of this accomplishment.

the cameramen came in to set up their equipment which increased your nerves as you shuffled through your notes and fiddled with your hair.

a few metres away george was conversing with lewis about the strategy for the weekend and to avoid suspicion he nodded and said yeah because his eyes kept drifting to you. he was aware that you were nervous because you had the same mannerisms as last night. he wanted nothing more than to assure you that there was nothing to be worried about but instead he vowed to make you feel as comfortable as possible.

"action!"

that call causes you to sit up straight and clear your throat.

"hi i'm y/n and i'm here with....." you extend your arms to the boys anticipating their introduction.

"hi i'm george russel"

"and i'm lewis hamilton"

the two wave at the camera before turning their attention back to you.

"okay by the way all these questions are by fans so please don't cancel me for any of these, these are their word not mine"

this earns a laugh from george and a small smirk from lewis.

"okay this first question is for george, everyone wants to know your hair care routine". you try to hold back a giggle knowing damn well that your brother uses the cheapest shampoo and showers like 2 or 3 times in a week.

george claps his hands together clearly eager to answer this question. "okay well truthfully anyone who knows me i acc don't use a lot of products so ig its's my genetics" he answers proudly. lewis looks at george weirdly causing george to start laughing. "mate what it's the truth". lewis hands up his hands in defense.

"okay moving on," you giggle "um lewis what is a before race ritual for you?"

lewis smiles at you and brings a hand to rest underneath his chin. "um honestly i just like to listen to some music or something and a couple of stretches or what not"

"what kind of music?".

lewis is surprised you continued the conversation but is happy to oblige. he sits back in the chair and hesitates. "well you know it honestly depends on the day butat the moment hip hop and rap have been dominating my playlist".

the way he is looking at you as he as his arms crossed makes you feel flustered and you hope no one can tell but you are sure they can because you feel heat rising to your cheeks.

"c'mon ask me another question" george whines which causes everyone to laugh and makes you totally forget about lewis. as requested you ask george another question and repeat the process until you find yourself at the end.

"okay thank you everyone for watching the video hope you enjoy byeee"

you sigh in satisfaction as the camera switches off and everyone starts clapping. you are happy with how today went and especially when claire embraces you and admits she is proud of you.

"hey you did amazing today"

you turn to find george in front of you. "thanks idiot". he holds his arms open waiting for an embrace and in george's hold you look up to see lewis walking out with his team, only to your dismay.

you and george pull apart and he ruffles your hair and in response you give him a light tap on the shoulder. george consults his watch and when he notices the time he frowns. "okay sorry i got to go to another interview but good luck with rest of today"

"okay bye see you later"

he gives you a small side hug before running off in the same direction lewis went.

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

just as you are finishing up your last few bits before heading home you are greeted by a familiar face. "hey y/n how's it going?" charles comes up to you gives you a hug and you reciprocate.

"i actually haven't seen you much around the paddock where have you been?

"i've actually been doing a couple of interviews" you say with a smile as you sling your bag over your shoulder.

his eyes widen. "omg no wayyy i'm so happy for you". charles had always been there for you to support you throughout college when getting your degree and now throughout the motorsport industry.

"thanks charles"

there is a silence as charles debates whether to bring up the topic or not. "i heard you and lewis were talking yesterday"

this catches your attention. "oh". you try not to sound too intrigued to where this conversation is going.

"i told lewis to stay away from you"

by those words you feel slightly hurt. i mean you did know that nothing could happen between you two but the fact that charles went out of his way to prevent it felt like a stab in the back.

"i'm just trying to protect you" charles says placing a hand on your shouldler.

"yeah yeah i know"

"it has only been a couple of months since ian......". at the mention of his name you shudder and charles notices.

"i'm sorry for bringing it up"

"it's okay but i know what you mean about the whole lewis thing and i get it it's fine"

charles nods and hugs you into his side.

you smile feeling comfort in his embrace. ever since george and charles had become friends you fell into the friendship also and would now consider charles one of your closest friends.

a ping from your phone causes you to pull away from him. your mouth goes dry and your breath hitches when you see the text message. ian had tried to reach out to you before but he had never threatened you before.

charles looked at you worried when he was aware of your shocked expression. "you okay?"

"um yeah yeah i'm fine but i should probably get going now"

charles is not sure if he should just let you go because he can tell something is bothering you. "um yeah okay"

you give charles one final hug. "see you tomorrow". you manage to throw him an uncertain wave and a half smile.

as charles watches you walk off he can't help but feel that you were lying top him but maybe he was just being superstitious.

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

lewis is packing the last few bits into the boot of his car, feeling satisfied with todays outcome. just as he slams the boot closed he hears a noise that causes him to pause in his action.

it seems it is only coming from a few mere metres away. cautiously he walks closer to the noises, it sounds like screaming which put him on high alert. he wasn't prepared for what he would see in front of him.

you were holding a palm to your cheek as tears spilled down your face. a man held you by the collar shouting in your face.

lewis stood there in shock for a moment but it only took a matter of seconds for him to act.

"hey get the fuck off her what the fuck do you think you are doing?!"

the man turns once he hears the voice and pushes you away from him causing you to stumble and fall onto the ground.

lewis runs to stand in front of you protectively.

the man chuckles. "is this your new boy toy y/n?" he chuckles. "i always knew you were a slut like god we've only just broken up and you're onto the next guy".

lewis was trying to restrain himself, his fists in a ball, but that was his last straw. he brings his balled fist to meet the man's cheek causing him to stumble back and hold his injured face.

"i said get the fuck out of here" lewis repeats now through gritted teeth. this time the man doesn't argue and trudges away not even taking a glance back.

lewis immediately kneels down to check on you. "y/n are you okay?". he hated to see you like this and if he could he wouldn't beaten that guy to death. who the fuck would ever want to do that to someone, especially you.

you look up at him your cheeks tear stained and one bright red. you hiccup through the crying. "i'm um i'm fine t-thanks for that but you really didn't have to".

lewis helps you up and then wipes a stray tear from your face. "i did have to, i couldn't just let you get hurt".

"did you know this guy?"

you sigh and cross your arms around your body. "he was my ex"

at those words lewis puffs out a blow of air and brings his hands to his head. "why the fuck would he do that to you?" he points to your face.

you don't respond.

lewis bites on his lip unsure what to say to you as it is clear you are hurting. you still seemed pretty unsure around him but he wanted nothing more than to just hold you and wipe your tears until you had stopped crying.

"okay well there is no way you are driving home in your state so i'll give you a lift" lewis grabs the keys from your grasp.

"no"

"what do you mean no, this isn't an offer" lewis counteracts.

"i can drive myself home" you say bluntly.

"y/n please just let me-"

"no lewis you have already done enough stop trying to get involved an leave me alone" you couldn't let him get close to you, like ian had. you wouldn't let yourself get hurt again. ian had said he would always protect you so why should you believe a word lewis had to say you grab your keys from him and quickly hop in the drivers seat and before lewis can intervene you hit the gas.

lewis stands there in disbelief his hands over his head. he didn't know what to do. part of him wanted to report this to the police and to hope that the guy ended up behind bars but hell he didn't even know your last name. but you even so he cared. he cared so much that he picked up the phone and called charles.

taglist ⭑.ᐟ

@lottalove4evelyn

@sweetestgirlintown111

@rafeyybabyy

[loveroftoomanyfandoms]

Cooking Up Love, Chapter 3

Pairing: Chef!Matt Murdock x F!Journalist!Reader

Rating: T (for now, might change, might not)

Story Summary: Here

Warnings/Tags: Hallmark levels of fluffy, cheesy goodness (and speed that their relationship develops, lol), no use of Y/N, Matt is not a vigilante, more tags to come as the story develops

Word Count: ~2500

A/N: Thanks again to everyone who has liked/commented on/reblogged this so far! Enjoy this next installment!

(And extra thanks to @theradioactivespidergwen for the divider!)

(Also cross-posted to AO3.)

Tag List: @yarrystyleeza @hailey-murdock @mattkinsella @bellaxgiornata @danzer8705 @chezagnes @shouldbestudying41

You were in the break room at the Bulletin the next day brewing your morning coffee and wondering how you were going to tell Ellison that you had bombed the interview with Chef Murdock when Skyler, your work BFF who handled the Lifestyle section of the paper, poked her head in. "There's this incredibly hot guy out front asking for you," she said excitedly. "Do you have a secret boyfriend you haven't told me about?"

You shook your head with a light laugh, wondering who it was that had come to see you. "No, definitely not. Bring whoever it is to the conference room and tell them that I'll be there in a second, will you, please?"

"Sure thing!"

After Skyler left you finished making your coffee then headed to the conference room, freezing in the doorway as you spotted the absolute last person you had ever expected to see again. "Chef Murdock."

Chef Murdock's head turned towards you, the red lenses of his glasses reflecting your look of shock at seeing him. Today he was wearing jeans and a light gray T-shirt, which made him seem vastly more approachable than the red chef's coat and black pants of the previous afternoon… and inexplicably even hotter.

"Um, hi," he said. "May we talk?"

You nodded warily. "Sure."

You shut the door behind you, purposely not asking him to sit. "So, come to berate me some more?"

Chef Murdock had the decency to look chagrined. "Actually, I came to apologize for my behavior towards you yesterday and ask if you'd be willing to reschedule our interview."

Your eyebrows raised. "You came to apologize ?"

Chef Murdock nodded and held a covered container out towards you. "This is for you."

You took the container and peeked inside. "You brought me tiramisu?"

Chef Murdock shrugged, a shy smile forming on his face. "I was kind of hoping you'd accept it as a peace offering."

"It's not poisoned, is it?"

Chef Murdock chuckled. "Let me just say that I'm pretty sure I didn't accidentally dust the top with cyanide instead of cocoa powder when I made it this morning."

You couldn't help but smile at Chef Murdock's joke. "Well I'm no expert on poisons, but I'm pretty sure cyanide isn't supposed to be brown."

Chef Murdock's expression grew serious as he said your name. "I was extremely rude yesterday and my actions towards you were uncalled for, and for that I am very deeply sorry and hope you'll forgive me."

You studied him for a moment. He seemed genuinely contrite, despite you not being able to see his eyes.

Finally you sighed and set the container on the conference room table. "In that case, I accept your apology… and your 'sorry for being a pompous asshole' tiramisu."

Chef Murdock huffed out a laugh. "Thank you."

"Will this afternoon work for you for our interview? Same time as yesterday?" 

Chef Murdock nodded. "Yeah, that'll work."

"Great." That would actually give you time to prepare.

Chef Murdock hesitated. "So I'll… see you this afternoon, then?"

You nodded. "Here, I'll walk you out. Let me just put this in the refrigerator first."

You quickly went to the break room before returning to escort Chef Murdock back to the elevator. "Want me to just call the restaurant when I get there?"

"Oh, actually, let me give you my cell number," Chef Murdock replied. "You can text me when you're nearby."

"Okay." You pulled out your phone and added Chef Murdock as a contact, typing in his number as he recited it to you. "I'll see you this afternoon, then."

Chef Murdock nodded. "Thank you again."

"No problem."

You waited until Chef Murdock left then went back to your desk to begin your research. 

Skyler immediately ran over to you. "So who was the hottie?"

You glanced up at her. "Oh, that was the chef Ellison asked me to interview yesterday. Something had come up so he needed to reschedule."

Skyler huffed out a laugh. "I wouldn't mind sampling his cuisine, if you know what I mean."

You shook your head with a smile. "I've gotta get some research done for my article, so I'll talk to you later, 'kay?"

"Yeah, I've gotta run anyway. I'm covering some fancy meeting that some rich old ladies' society is holding this morning and I don't want to be late."

As Skyler went to grab her purse from her own desk you ran another internet search on Chef Murdock, scrolling through the search results and pausing as you found a link to an old Bulletin article.

Local Boy, 9, Seriously Injured in Heroic Rescue Attempt

An attempt at saving a life changed another forever yesterday when Matthew Murdock, age 9 of Hell's Kitchen, was seriously injured after he prevented another person from being hit by a vehicle. Witnesses say that the boy came to the rescue of a man when a chemical truck overturned, causing an as-yet-identified substance to splash into the boy's eyes.

"He's a hero," said one eyewitness. "Didn't even hesitate, just jumped right into action to push that man out of the way."

"He should be commended," said another, "and his parents applauded for raising such a brave young man."

The boy's father, local boxing legend 'Battlin' Jack Murdock, declined to comment other than to say that his son is in critical, but stable, condition. 

You remembered Chef Murdock saying that his father had passed shortly after his accident, so next you looked up Jack Murdock, sucking in a breath at the news headline on your computer screen.

Local Boxing Legend Killed In Apparent Mob Hit

You quickly scanned the article -- apparently Chef Murdock's father had been beaten and shot after a boxing match against Carl 'Crusher' Creel and his murder never officially solved, although it was suspected that mob boss Roscoe Sweeney had been behind the hit.

You huffed out a breath. How awful. It was no wonder that your statement about how proud Chef Murdock's parents must have been of him had touched a nerve.

You made a few more notes and wrote down some other questions to ask Chef Murdock, looking up as Ellison stopped by your desk. 

"How'd the interview go yesterday?" he asked.

"Actually, something came up while I was there and Chef Murdock asked me to reschedule," you replied, deciding to leave out the details of what exactly had happened. "I'm meeting with him this afternoon instead."

Ellison nodded. "Okay, excellent. Let me know how it goes."

"Will do."

You finished up some other articles that you had due so you could focus your attention on Chef Murdock, completing the last one right as it was time to leave.

You grabbed your tiramisu out of the staff refrigerator and told Ellison you were leaving to go to Daredevil. 

You made a quick stop at home to drop off your dessert since it was on your way then headed to the restaurant, feeling much more prepared than you had the previous day. 

"So how'd it go?" Foggy asked as Matt entered the kitchen at Daredevil. "Were you able to reschedule the interview?"

Matt nodded. "Yeah, we're meeting this afternoon. Same time as yesterday."

Foggy huffed out a relieved breath. "So how much did you have to grovel?"

Matt chuckled. "I made tiramisu for her this morning."

Foggy whistled. "Wow, pulling out the big guns."

Matt moved to wash his hands and put on an apron. "Come on, we've got a lot of prep to do for tonight's service."

He and Foggy set to work prepping ingredients for that night's dinner service, Matt's mind occasionally wandering to you and his upcoming interview. 

He had spent a few hours after dinner service the night before listening to transcripts of previous articles you had written, and he could tell that his initial assessment of you had been completely wrong. Your attention to detail in your articles showed that you clearly took pride in your work and had painstakingly researched each and every subject you had written about.

"...If you keep cutting up that basil you're going to get pesto," Foggy said suddenly.

Matt stopped cutting, realizing that the basil he was supposed to be chiffonading was now pretty much macerated. "Shit. "

Foggy chuckled. "You okay, buddy?"

Matt shook his head, trying to clear it. "I'm fine, I'm just…"

"Nervous?"

Matt remained silent.

Foggy patted him on the shoulder. "Just turn on that Murdock charm of yours and you'll be fine."

Matt's phone chimed in his pocket. "New text message."

Matt fished his phone out and tapped at the notification.

"Hi, Chef Murdock, just letting you know that I'll be by the restaurant in about 5 minutes, " his phone read out to him.

"I'll finish up here," Foggy said. "You got this, Matty." 

Matt huffed out a breath. "I hope so."

He took his apron off and went to wash his hands again, then headed up front right as you were walking up.

He unlocked the door and let you in, noticing your heartbeat pick up nervously. "Hi, thanks for coming."

"Hi," you replied.

Matt gestured to a nearby table. "Here, have a seat. Would you like something to drink?"

"Um, some water would be nice, please."

Matt nodded. "Sure thing. Just a second."

He returned to the kitchen and grabbed a couple of water glasses and a bottle of cold, filtered water before returning to you.

He poured some water into one of the glasses before setting it in front of you. "Here you go."

"Thank you," you replied.

Matt poured himself some water before setting the bottle down on the table and taking the seat across from you.

He could hear you tapping at your phone screen. "Um, do you mind if I record this? It helps me with direct quotes and stuff."

Matt shook his head. "No, that's fine."

"Okay, great." You tapped at your phone screen and stated your name, the date, and the time. "Interviewing Chef Matthew Murdock at Daredevil, take 1."

You cleared your throat. "Chef Murdock, thank you for taking the time to meet with me."

"It's my pleasure," Matt replied.

"So to start, why don't you tell me a bit about yourself."

"Well, I was born and raised by my dad here in Hell's Kitchen," Matt said.

"He was a boxer, right?" you asked. 

Aha. Definitely did her research today. "That's right, 'Battlin Jack Murdock'. He didn't have the best fight record, but to me he was the greatest boxer of all time."

"So what made you want to be a chef?"

"I was in an accident when I was 9," Matt said. He wasn't sure how much you knew about the details of it but decided to just go ahead and give you the full story -- well, almost the full story. "A chemical truck collided with a car and overturned, and there was this old man who would have been crushed if I hadn't pushed him out of the way. Unfortunately while I was pushing him out of the way I fell and some of the chemicals got into my eyes, which blinded me."

"I'm very sorry to hear that," you said sympathetically.

Matt shook his head. "My palate became very… sensitive after that and nothing anyone else ever made tasted right."

His other remaining senses had also become extremely sensitive, but that wasn't relevant to the current conversation. "Anyway, my father died when I was 11 and I was sent to live in an orphanage run by the local diocese." He smiled wryly. "You can imagine how the food was there."

You let out a light laugh. "Oh I can guess, especially for a picky eater."

"Well the nuns quickly got tired of dealing with my dietary needs, but then again they weren't going to let me starve so eventually they hired someone to teach me how to make my own meals."

Stick had taught Matt how to cook using his instincts and use his remaining senses to identify the freshness of ingredients but had abruptly quit when Matt had made him a cake as a thank-you. Clearly you're not learning, he had said after tasting it, in which case I have nothing more to teach you.

Matt shook his head. "I started developing my own recipes after that, then after I graduated high school I decided to enter culinary school, where I met my business partner.

"After we graduated we were both offered positions as line cooks at Landman & Zack over in Manhattan, but we decided to open a restaurant together instead. We stayed open a few years then closed it and reopened as Daredevil."

What he didn't say was that Nelson and Murdock had been a mild success until one bad review had nearly tanked both Matt's reputation and his friendship with Foggy. 

"Daredevil is a very interesting name for a restaurant. How did you come up with that?"

"One of my college professors referred to me as a 'daredevil' chef once, and it kind of stuck with me." Matt's lips quirked up into a smile as he waved a hand around. "And after all, we are in Hell's Kitchen…"

You huffed out a light laugh, your demeanor becoming more relaxed. "That's very true."

You continued asking him questions, both of you relaxing more as the interview went on.

Matt was telling you a story about the time one of his culinary school classmates almost set their hair on fire while trying to flambé some bananas for a bananas foster cheesecake when he heard Karen walk up.

"Hey, Matt," Karen said. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but we're opening in 10 minutes."

You let out a slight gasp. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize how long we had been talking. I didn't mean to take up so much of your time, Chef Murdock."

Matt shook his head. "It's quite alright, I finished most of my prep work before you arrived." 

You stopped your recording and gathered your things. "Thank you for your time."

"It was my pleasure," Matt replied honestly. "Let me know if you need anything else from me for your article."

"Okay, I'll be in touch if I do."

"Have a good evening."

"You too."

Matt waited as you left, your heartbeat growing fainter the further you got from the restaurant.

Karen turned to him. "Now, was that so bad?"

Matt shook his head. You had been professional, yet warm and welcoming -- which he still wasn't sure he deserved after the way he had treated you the previous afternoon. "No, actually, it wasn't."

Karen nudged him with her elbow. "See? I told you. Now come on, let's get ready to open."

[lostinwoso]

how about the reader pranking Alexia about sleeping in separate beds

Attempted Prank (Alexia x Reader)

A/N: Part two Payback

Sat in the locker room, you were waiting for Alexia to finish her interviews so you two could finally go home after an exhausting day.

After watching a few random videos on YouTube, you somehow ended up on a channel of a random couple who seemed to have some sort of constant prank war going on. Watching some of their videos has you wondering if you would be able to prank your girlfriend just as well.

Starting to think of ways you could possibly prank Alexia was short-lived, because just a few moments later your girlfriend enters the locker room, "Hey, ready to finally go home?", she asks pressing a short kiss to your forehead, moving to get both your bags.

"Yes, how were the Interviews?", you reply while making your way together towards the parking lot to drive home. "They went by fine, but I can't wait to be finally home and have a quiet evening with you.", she answers, lacing her finger together with yours.

Pressing a kiss to her cheek, you say, "Me too, love.".

Arriving at her car, you two quickly get in, driving home while making some plans to visit her mother next weekend.

______

After spending a nice and calm evening together with a homemade dinner and some movies, it was now time to go to sleep before another day of training and meetings was to come.

While getting ready for bed in the bathroom, your mind wanders back to the prank videos you have seen earlier today. Remembering that you just yesterday prepared your spare bedroom for a friend that's about to visit in a few days, you decide that this is your chance to prank your girlfriend.

When you were finished in the bathroom, you wait for Alexia to be ready as well. As she leaves the bathroom and sees you just standing in the bedroom, she gives you a weird look and asks, "Why are you not in bed yet?".

"I think I'm going to sleep in the spare room tonight.", you tell her, trying to stay serious when she tilts her head in confusion. "In the spare room? Why?", she asks, even more confused now, you two have never slept in the spare room before, so why now?

"I just feel like sleeping there tonight.", you answer, hoping that she stops asking questions before you run out of things to say.

"Okay?", she questions, before continuing, "Let me just get my phone and charger, and then we can go to the spare room.", she says, walking over to the bed to get her phone and charger.

Realizing that she didn't understand that you meant that you would sleep alone in the spare room, your mask almost drops. After picking up her phone and charger, she walks over to the door, ready to go to the spare room.

"Are you coming?", she asks you when she notices that you make no move to follow her out of the bedroom.

Taking a deep breath, you try to continue the prank, "I kind of meant that I was going to sleep alone in the spare room?" you trailed off.

"Alone? Why would you want to sleep alone? Did I do something?", she questions, taking a few steps closer to you.

Hearing her ask if she did something wrong for you to not wanting to share a bed with her, you knew you couldn't keep the prank up anymore.

Groaning, you shove your face into the hands, "Mi amor?", you hear your girlfriend say, taking your hands away from your face.

"I was trying to prank you!.", you reply with a pout, disappointed that you failed at pranking your girlfriend.

Still holding your hands in hers, she presses a kiss to them before starting to laugh, "Why would you want to prank me?" she wonders, through laughter.

"I saw some prank videos while waiting for you earlier today, but I should have known that it wouldn't work on la reina.", you answer with a sigh.

Rolling her eyes at the name, she pulls you into a hug, "Well you kind of had me, why did you stop?"

"I started feeling bad, when you asked me if you did something.", you reply with an eye roll of your own.

"That's good, so we can sleep here together now?", she asks, pointing to your shared bed. You nod your head in confirmation before making your way under the duvet.

As soon as you are both under the duvet, she pulls you into her, sharing your good nights, before turning the last remaining light off, to finally get some sleep.

Although sleep seems to be the last thing on your girlfriend's mind as she thinks about ways to get back to you for the attempted prank, with a prank of her own.

[umlewis]

lewis hamilton, p1, is interviewed during the post-race press conference [part 3/3], britain - july 7, 2024 (transcript under the cut)

NOT SHOWN: Journalist: "Justin Allen, The Sun. Just a light-hearted question for all three of you, if I may. Obviously this is the start of a massive week of Dutch-English rivalry, with a certain football match on Thursday night. Can I just ask the three of you, are you looking forward to the match, and where are you going to be watching it, and what words of advice or encouragement would you give to your respective teams?" Lewis: "To the Brits, I think yesterday was a really good showing. It was a really great time today, or this weekend, for British sports. And the penalties, obviously, were amazing last night. I actually have never sat… I've been in a pub, growing up, watching a match, but sitting last night, watching with twenty-plus thousand people was really, really incredible, and I'm grateful I had that experience with George. And then, yeah, I think really just we all wished them the best. I'm sure they will want to play better and they will know what they need to do. They will know that they will probably want to elevate their game. And lots of learnings from every single game, just as like we have from every single race, so I will be with them and I'm sure everyone will be out in full force." [time jump] Journalist: "Ben Hunt, Autosport. Question for Lewis: You mentioned the emotion and never crying before. Do you think this is part of the healing process? So after what happened in '21, this is the final piece in the jigsaw to help you get over what happened there, to compartmentalize it and be able to move on?" Lewis: "I mean, I think there's a long-winded question. [long pause] I think only time will tell. What I can say is that I'm not giving up. I feel like I'm making the right decisions with my life, with how I prepare and how I manage my time; the decision I've taken, for example, for next year, the commitment I still have to this team, and the love that I still have for this team, and the love that I still have for my job. I really, really love this job, and there's never going to be anything that comes close to it, and it's something I'm incredibly grateful for, to be in amongst these twenty drivers, within this great sport that's having such a momentous time. We just had the launch of the trailer of the movie today. I do hope… Honestly, when I came back in 2022, I thought that I was over it, and I know I wasn't, and it's taken a long time, for sure, to heal that kind of feeling. And that's only natural for anyone that has that experience, and I've just been continuing to try and work on myself and find that inner peace, day by day."

Interviewer: "Thank you. More?" Journalist: "Tom Carey, Telegraph. Another one for Lewis: Obviously we know how much you're looking forward to going to Ferrari next year. It's going to be an amazing move for you. But is there an element of bittersweet, winning that with a team based locally in Brackley in front of your home fans and realizing how much you're giving up, leaving them just as they're coming back to the front, as well?" Lewis: "No. I think when we started the season and we had a car where we weren't going anywhere near Red Bull, for example, anywhere near looking like we would ever get a win through the year, that, for me, felt like it would be kind of bittersweet at the end of the season, where you've not had something like today. And the fact that we've really all come together… Everyone's done such a great job to get the car into a place where we're feeling much more comfortable, and really changes from the foundation from last year. So not leaving on a low, but leaving on a high, which has been our goal. There's still a long, long way to go, but the car… And by no means is the car the quickest car on the grid right now. I think we are super close and I think hopefully with the next upgrade perhaps we will be in an even stronger position to really, really be fighting for the front row more consistently." Interviewer: "Thank you. Yes?" Journalist: "Tim Hauraney, TSN. Question for Lewis: Lewis, congratulations. We've seen you win a lot over your career. Given where the car started at the beginning of the season, and then also this being your last time around with Mercedes, where does this victory stand for you?" Lewis: "Well, you know I have a really bad memory, but, honestly, I'm really very much about living in the present, and this does feel… I don't feel like I'm able to compare this one to any other, to be honest. I had so many great moments, and moments where I didn't think that I was going to be able to win, like the first grand prix win here in 2008. I qualified terribly… Well, P4, but it felt like I wasn't in with a shot to winning the grand prix, and then it rained, and obviously I had that great feeling.

So many moments, through the… I think being at your home grand prix… That's the longest stint that I've not had a win, 945 days, and the emotion that's accumulated over that time… So this one could be one of the most special ones for me, I think, if not the most special one." Interviewer: "Thank you. Yes! Another one." Journalist: "Hi! Weian Mao, Formula Vision. A question for Lewis: On this weekend, 1954, Mercedes scored its first Formula 1 victory. Just want to share your thoughts on this aspect. Also, as we know, you are moving onto Ferrari next year, but in the future, maybe do you still have some unfinished stories with Mercedes off-track, maybe?" Lewis: "Well… 1954? I mean, what car… That would have been in the W197, maybe? I can't remember which car that would have been. But yeah, the heritage at Mercedes is legendary, and I'm very fortunate to have been a part of Mercedes for this last eighteen years. Actually, more than that. Twenty-plus years, because they started supporting me when I was thirteen, so… But obviously every grand prix win that I've had, the 104 has been with Mercedes, powered by Mercedes, and something that I will always be grateful to have been a part of."

[l-e-e-woso]

Edit Dat - Rihanna

WARNING MENTIONS SWEARING, MATURE THEMES AND DRUGS!

I had been asked to do an interview which didn’t happen as often as you would think but somehow Robyn had convinced me to actually start doing more interviews. 

So here I am sat with Jada (Will Smith’s wife) on her Red Table Talk, I’m just prepared for this to go off the rails cause I've watched a few episodes and they get really deep. I mean I have quite the background, there’s even a few things that the public doesn’t know but I had talked to Robyn yesterday and she said to not say anything that you don’t want to and if I do, ask the producers to take that shit out.

Jada came over to me and introduced herself and we sat down at the table to begin the interview.

“Alright Welcome to another episode of Red Table Talk, today we have Jordyn Fenty with us! How are you?” Jada starts up the show and introduces me. 

“I’m good, a bit nervous but good.” I laugh nervously, rubbing my hands on my jean covered legs and took a sip of the water in front of me. “That’s understandable, this is your first interview you've had for awhile.” Jada says as she looks over the table at me which makes me a little more nervous.

“So you're now a married woman, how has that been going?” Jada asks, making me think of Robyn which makes me automatically start grinning like a love sick puppy. 

“It’s been great. It’s even better than I had imagined it would be. We’ve obviously had our ups and downs but we have always been there for one another. I’m telling you, Robyn has got me wrapped around her little finger, I’d drop everything if she needed me and I know she would do the same for me.” I intertwine my hands and rest them on top of the table as I talk about Robyn.

“How did the two of you meet and when did you get together?” Jada asks me and I laugh thinking about the time we first met.

“It’s uh quite the story actually. I met Robyn in Barbados, I lived in the street next to her but I didn’t meet her until we were about 15. I had gotten kicked out of my home by my Father cause he had found out that I’d been dealing weed. So I was couch surfing for awhile before I met Robyn at a house party and we ended up getting along really well, we swapped phone numbers and we became really close friends then she found out that I didn’t have a permanent place to stay so she told her Mama. I tell you Mama Monica is not a force you wanna come up against, she told me that I would be staying at theirs from then on. A year later she went to the states to pursue music and I came with her. We didn’t start dating until 2010, Robyn confessed to me after Melissa, her best friend, convinced her to take a chance for once. I have had feelings for Rihanna since I was 15 but I didn’t want to hold her back so I didn’t confess any feelings to her until she did.” I say as I thought back on some particularly tough memories of mine as my eyes started tearing up but I quickly wiped them and took a gulp of water. 

“Oh wow, so you’ve known each other almost all your life. I assume you have a good relationship with her family if you lived with them for a year?” Jada asks curiously.

“Ah yeah definitely! They are my family and have always been there for me, I love them.” I say smiling at the camera then wink know that Mama Monica was most likely gonna watch this along with Rorrey and Rajad.

“Was it hard for you to witness Rihanna in other relationships?” Jada asked as she took a sip of her drink.

“Yeah definitely. It wasn’t the best experience but I tried to be there as much as I could for her throughout any relationships she had but there were many times that we would get into arguments about the way some of the guys would treat her cause I wanted the best for her and knew she could be a hell of a lot better.” I said thinking back on some of the relationships that Robyn had been in and how crappy she had been treated. I made a promise to myself and Robyn that I would never ever treat her like that, she is the love of my life and I would treat her as such.

“How did you feel when you found out about what Chris Brown did to Rihanna?” Jada asked curiously.

“Honestly? I was angry and all I wanted to do was beat the shit outta him but that isn’t what Robyn needed, she needed someone to be there for her and that's what I did.” I said not really believing that Jada would bring this topic up when it happened just over a decade ago.

Just as Jada went to ask another question my phone started ringing and I quickly looked at the screen to see that it was Robyn calling me. “I am so sorry, it’s Robyn.” I say and Jada motions for me to answer the call so I do exactly that.

I put the phone on speaker and all I heard was Robyn sniffling. “What’s wrong?” I say concerned as it wasn’t very often that Robyn would call me crying and stood up, pacing back and forth.

“Babe…it worked, we havin’ a babyyyyyy!!!” Robyn shouted down the phone excitedly, making my eyes go wide as I looked around the room and noticed that Jada motioned for the camera crew to stop recording. “Uhhh…shit Robby, I’m doing an interview.” I say rubbing my neck nervously as this is definitely not how Robyn would want people to find out.

“You ain’t think to tell me dat?! Eh they can edit dat shit out.” Robyn says with her bajan accent coming out slightly and the producers and other crew burst out laughing.

“Rob I gotta go but I’ll call you as soon as I finish this up, I promise. I love you.” I say chuckling as Robyn makes kissing sounds down the phone. “Luv yuh too.” Robyn says then hangs up the phone and I laugh shaking my head in disbelief, we were having a baby together.

_______________Later In The Hotel__________________

I was finally back at the hotel and just about to phone Robyn as I got ready to go to bed. She picks up after the phone rings a few times, she was laying on a hotel bed in a robe when she smiled at you. “Hey babe.” Robyn says as she looks at me lovingly through the phone.

“Heyyy baby.” I say as I do my skin care before going and laying on the hotel bed to talk to Robyn. “So were havin’ a baby?” I say excitedly as Robyn laughs which makes me smile cause she has such a gorgeous laugh.

“Yeah. How would you feel about joining me for the rest of my tour? If you don’t have any more press to do?” Robyn asks me and I nod yes as soon as the question leaves her mouth.”Course I wanna join you! Why would I turn down time with my girl?” I say wiggling my eyebrows with a suggestive tone which makes her glare at me playfully.

“You play too much boo.” Robyn jokes as she laughs at my playfulness and shakes her head. 

“WASSUPPPP JORDYYYY!!!” Melissa says running and jumping on to the bed next to Robyn so she was in view of the camera causing Robyn to roll her eyes. “Don’t roll yo eyes at me bitch!” Mel says pushing Robyn and she pushes her back and Mel falls off the bed onto the floor.

Me and Robyn look at each other through the phone and burst out laughing.

_________________________________________________________

Taglist: @fanofstuffzs@micaluvssoccer @beardeddionsaurcreation

[the-wales-5]

"Miscommunication"

15th December 2022.

It was supposed to be a nice day for Catherine and her family but instead of feeling happy, she was frustrated more than ever. Her brother-in-law, someone who a few years before considered her to be his "sister he never had" was now criticising her official role and personality in a Netflix documentary.

In different circumstances, she would not let it affect her. Now though she spent the morning sipping coffee and trying not to show her real emotions to William. Her husband felt similar emotions and was irritated & angry. Despite that, he knew that releasing official statements would not be useful, especially right before Christmas time.

"Papa, is everything okay?" George asked as he entered the kitchen and noticed his father's facial expression

"Yes, I am fine. Do you have everything ready for today's lessons?"

"Yes and Charlotte is ready too. I was helping her with homework yesterday when mummy was decorating Christmas trees at Westminster Abbey"

"I cannot wait to see these Christmas trees!" Charlotte said when she joined her dad and brother

"Only a few hours left, Lottie" Catherine kissed her daughter on the cheek "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes. Although I couldn't sleep for long because of my excitement, you know? I am counting down the hours even!"

Louis joined his family and was rather confused by his sister's words.

"Where are you going, Charlotte? Are you counting down the hours to what?"

"Mummy's concert. Together At Christmas"

"May I go there too?" Louis pouted

"No, LouLou. Maybe next year. Not now yet"

Catherine fixed his hair and forced herself to smile.

/

After the children left for school, William wanted to talk with his wife about that Netflix documentary and their thoughts. He could read her mind and see that she, just like he, undoubtedly was fed up with that constant drama coming from the pair of Montecito

"Let me prepare clothes for myself for this evening" were the only words he heard back from her after he attempted to start a conversation.

"You are doing that again. You are avoiding me, neglecting our chance to talk things through. We shouldn't be doing that, it only damages our relationship, Catherine".

Her eyes were focused on clothes she kept in a wardrobe. At last, her husband shouted without holding himself back:

"STOP THIS IDIOTIC SITUATION, FOR GOD'S SAKE!"

Catherine barely looked at him and chuckled with sorrow before turning away her head once again.

/

His wife was finishing the last makeup lines on her face. William wanted to apologise, to reconcile with her before the Christmas concert.

"Stop it. I'll be late" she said after he touched her arm

"We need to talk"

"Not now" she rolled her eyes "I have to go to Westminster Abbey, to greet everyone there"

"We could go all together

"George and Charlotte might get bored soon"

"They were attending this kind of engagements before, weren't they?"

"Indeed, but--..' she stopped and looked at her reflection in the mirror

"But what? Tell me, Catherine"

"I'd rather go there alone first" she said as she looked at him with sharp eyes "Are you satisfied with the answer?'

"So now you are ignoring not only me but George and Lottie too?"

"It doesn't mean I ignore them. They still need to finish their homework. After all, it's a school day tomorrow. Remember about the most simple things before making such big and unreasonable statements. One thing you've done today is unreasonable enough".

Those were Catherine's last words before leaving the bathroom and he knew what she meant. His and his father's equerries were to accompany her this evening. Similar situation to the one after 'that' interview, for Prince Philip's funeral when William's equerry accompanied his wife. For her, those decisions were unnecessary.

He heard her saying 'see you later' to their older children and 'warning' Charlotte so as to not let Orla jump at her after she wore her red coat. And she left. He watched through the window as she greeted her official assistant with a warm smile and got up into the car.

She indeed was happy. Happy to be back at Westminster Abbey in such beautiful circumstances, with the snow covering the trees around it. There she met her husband's and father in law's equaries. At that moment she thought that, perhaps, it was not a bad decision on her husband's part anymore. She went inside the Abbey to greet the guests and could notice the Middleton family too.

William, George and his sister arrived there less than an hour later. Catherine decided to go outside to see them. Shortly afterwards, they were sitting inside and Princess Charlotte was excited to hear a mention of Paddington Bear. During this evening Catherine looked in her husband's direction only once. When they were back home, she was the one to try to talk again but now it was William who seemed to feel irritated and avoided her completely. She tried once more, after their children were asleep.

"Don't you think a conversation between us is necessary?" Catherine said in a cold voice

"I have been trying to begin it earlier. You refused. Now if you'll excuse me, I will go to the bathroom. It's been a long, tiring day" .

"Yes. You are right" Catherine murmured and closed her eyes.

They fell asleep without saying "good night" to one another. Unusual and hurtful situation.

/

"We can't go on like this forever" Catherine said finally, in the afternoon, hours after their last conversation.

"What do you mean?' William scoffed

"Your stubbornness to communicate with me"

"You have started it yourself"

"Yes, and I regret it" Catherine sighed and looked at him. "I'm sorry. We should have had a conversation about everything yesterday, about that documentary and our feelings"

'We should have but you rejected my attempt to do that, Catherine"

"I know but it's Christmas time soon and it's unnecessary to fight over these things"

"Are we fighting? Am I fighting with you?" William asked and chuckled with sorrow just like his wife did the day before. "They did it again. Again, they insulted your role in that shitty documentary and yet there's nothing I can do. It's okay though" he scoffed "Really. It's fine, I am used to doing nothing to protect you"

"You do everything you can, and besides, I don't care about their words or what videos they use to push their narrative"

"I know you do care. You're just hiding your feelings to protect me, aren't you?"

Catherine was silent now.

"See? I am right" he said and got up from the sofa

"Where are you going?" His wife asked

"My therapy session will start in 20 minutes, I better go there now"

"I'm going with you. We have to talk about it together. You cannot avoid me. We're a team, remember?"

William looked at her and left the room. She followed him, grabbed his arm and looked into his eyes, her husband shrugged off and wanted to say something but right then they noticed George and pretended to behave as if nothing happened. Catherine went to the garden to play with Orla, and her husband to his office where he waited for his therapist.

/

Despite her hopes, The Princess of Wales was not able to focus on playing with her dog. After less than 30 minutes, she threw a ball for Orla for the last time and went back to the house, wanting to interrupt her husband's therapy session, to join him there and listen to his words and to try to solve their problems with sincere conversations later in the day.

/

"And she is stubborn. She does not understand that I want to do something else to protect her, not only sending my equerry to accompany her when there's danger around us. She is worrying about everything that happens. I could see yesterday how annoyed and frustrated she felt. This year we suffered enough and yet instead of supporting each other, we're arguing now at the end of it"

"Why are you arguing?" His therapist asked

"I guess we both are tired of all those changes that happened. In the summer, we both were fine when it comes to official and private lives, to our mental health too. My wife was the happiest when I surprised her with our move to Adelaide cottage. You see, it was her dream to live in a place like this, close to Berkshire and her parents' house.

Our children have started a new school. And right when we thought that everything was going to be fine, one phone call on the following day ruined it…"

"You mean the death of.."

"Yes, the death of my grandmother. The change of titles, of our lives forever. I've always been frightened at the thought of that moment. For years. I know it would've been easier without the constant drama within my family. I am pretty sure this book aims to attack my wife. I am simply failing to protect her. Again..".

/

Right when she heard those words, Catherine decided to leave the house. She was running. Almost fell down the stairs but she didn't pay attention to that. All she could feel was hurt. Her heart was breaking to know that her husband was once again blaming himself over something that was not his fault. There also was frustration in her caused by the fact that William didn't want to share anything and was avoiding her instead.

As she sat down on the sofa in the living room, Orla joined her again. The Princess petted her fur and asked through tears:

"Do you want to go on a trip somewhere?".

Orla looked at her and whimpered.

She travelled to the Adelaide cottage. When she finally stood in one of the rooms, she shouted: "I NEVER NEEDED THIS HOUSE! I NEVER NEEDED YOUR SACRIFICE! WHY ARE YOU TORTURING YOURSELF FOR MY SAKE?!" .

She broke down crying as she sat down on the floor.

/

Her husband was still at Kensington Palace, he left his office and said goodbye to his therapist. After he entered the living room and did not see his wife there, the prince of Wales started to feel concerned.

He tried to phone her four times but she declined those attempts. The fifth time was successful, Catherine picked up but only to tell him "I am staying at Adelaide cottage. Do not come here. Tell the children not to worry. I'll be back home by the morning". She did not want to hear what he had to say or to questions full of confusion and simply ended the call which was followed by switching the phone off.

Her eyes were puffy and red now. She hated that she rejected her husband. All she needed were his strong arms around her waist and his words full of support she knew she would receive in every possible situation. Yet, she decided to stay only with her dog at her, once, 'dream house'.

/

William was obliged to tell George, Charlotte and Louis about their mother's "urgent visit" in Berkshire so as to relieve their anxiety over not seeing their mum upon their return from school that afternoon and for the rest of the day. In the evening, the kids were talking with her over the phone. Catherine, surprisingly for herself, lied to them about the reason for her 'escape' very well.

"Won’t you talk with me as well? This is ridiculous and you know that, Kate"

"You know what else is ridiculous?" She asked but stopped herself at the last moment and hung up again. Then, filled the bowl with food for her dog and went to bed. She correctly assumed that William didn't sleep throughout the night, just like she did not.

He knew every thought she had on her mind, so now he was aware that she in fact lied about coming home the next morning.

/

In the very early morning, William along with his three kids, travelled to see his wife in Adelaide cottage.

She opened the door when it was 7 AM.

"What--.. what are you doing here?" She murmured

"Surprise, mummy!" Charlotte screamed happily and hugged Catherine. Then the 7-year old frowned though "You told us you were in Berkshire".

"That's because I was there to help your grandmother before Christmas. But I came here later, you know?"

Charlotte nodded and with Louis they slowly went towards her room in Adelaide cottage. The younger siblings still felt really sleepy because their father woke them all up an hour before.

"George, join them please" William told his son and then looked at Catherine. She asked with narrowed eyes:

"What's that supposed to mean? You brought kids here in the morning without a phone call earlier?

"You wouldn't pick up the call from me, Catherine"

"Of course, I would! What are you even talking about? By the way, can't you see they are sleep-deprived and most likely think I lied about the destination where I am!"

"This is because you are stubborn and you escaped"

"I escaped? Seriously?" She scoffed and added: "William, you are the one who is escaping from me, pretending to protect me. I can see it and yesterday I could hear you telling that to your therapist"

"You--.. you've heard everything?" William was speechless now and just stared at his wife's face. She nodded and looked away.

"Kate.. I am sorry for saying that you are stubborn and for what they continue to do"

"You are sorry only for this? Not for avoiding me? Not for this fatal miscommunication between us which you caused? Do you really think I care about them so much? I already told you I don't but still you think I am stubborn. I would do everything to make you feel better, just like you would do for me!" She said louder and tried not to show her real feelings again.

"Hsshh.." William said as he approached her

"Yes, I know. The kids are sleeping. I should've not shouting like this in the morning"

"No" William said and put his index finger on her lips, caressing them "Don't say anything now. I was stubborn and stupid and I regret it like never before. Believe me that I just want to make you feel better and--"

"Stop. You're blaming yourself again, and you are again forgetting about yourself, your own feelings" she said in a cold voice and stepped back "Go to sleep just like our kids. You must feel sleepy too"

"Catherine.."

"No. Let's not talk about it now"

"So when?"

"I do not know. Go to sleep" Catherine murmured

"Fine.." her husband nodded and looked at her face once again, he hoped she would change her behaviour after a few seconds but that did not happen. Instead, Kate passed him by and walked to the room where Louis was sleeping.

The Prince of Wales went to the bedroom where Orla was. He weakly smiled and lay down next to his dog. "Good morning, Orla" he said and petted his dog "I hope your mummy was sleeping throughout the night. I hope you looked after her well. Continue, until she lets me do that".

/

William, Catherine and their three children left Adelaide cottage in the afternoon. All this time the prince tried to talk with his wife. She was resistant though and ignored him again.

Upon coming back home, she kissed him on the cheek and quietly said "I forgive you. Just don't hide anything from me anymore". Cold in comparison to their other reconciliations. He didn't know if reconciliation was actually Catherine's aim or if she just wanted to show children that their relationship is fine again because they all seemed to worry about it earlier.

He wanted to ask why her reaction was so weird but she quickly followed Louis who wanted to go play in his room.

"Are we reconciled?" He asked when they were both in the bathroom and Catherine was combing her hair

"Yes, why wouldn't we? I told you I forgive you"

"Yes, indeed but we did not talk about it further and-"

"Do we need to? We are both 40 years old"

"This is odd behaviour still, Catherine. Normally, we would have a sincere conversation after your apology" He gently grabbed her hand "We are a team, remember?" .

Catherine shivered. Those were the same words she spoke to him a few days before.

She opened her mouth so as to say something but looked away once again. William caressed her back and whispered her name. "We both made mistakes. A sincere conversation is needed".

"What about reconciling with a kiss?" Catherine whispered and put her lips close to her husband's but he held her arms, stopping her.

"No, Kate" he sighed

"Why?" She murmured and looked at him with sharp eyes

"You know why" .

Catherine nodded and lay down on the bed, away from her husband.

/

Almost all of their conversations until Christmas were either full of tension or Catherine's neglect. On December 24th, they arrived at Sandringham and, once again, were pretending to behave as if their situation was normal. They usually were doing that for Charlotte, Louis and George, but now also for the rest of the family members. To show unity during the first Christmas after William's grandmother's death.

In their room, after The Princess of Wales took a shower and checked if her and children's clothes for the following day were ready, she covered herself with a duvet.

"Kate.. Look at me. Let us talk finally, it's Christmas" William said

"Does it change something?" She scoffed.

William sighed and went to the other side of the room. His frustration was very visible.

"This is getting more than stupid, Catherine!

You ignore me for no reason now. Is it just because I rejected your kiss and wanted a sincere conversation?!"

'What if I am not ready for that conversation?!" She asked "What if I am tired of everything just like you are, as you admitted to your therapist and not to me?!"

"This is reasonably clear to me that we both are tired. What I don't understand is your…" he sighed

"Stubbornness?" Catherine chuckled with sorrow "Say it. Say that word that links each of our conversations recently! SAY IT!"

William looked at his wife's reflection in the mirror in front of him and shook his head.

"I am not going to say it. You said it yourself".

/

25th December 2022.

"Happy Christmas" were words that echoed around Sandringham in the morning. Two people, though, did not say that to one another. They simply focused on their children and preparations to leave for the church.

"Have you exchanged gifts with papa, mummy?" Louis asked when they were on the way out of the castle.

"We have exchanged gifts" William replied instead, looked at Catherine and at last spotted that she was wearing those new earrings he gifted her.

She indeed wore new earrings that she earlier found on the table next to the bed with a card: "Merry Xmas. W". Simple short note, not the little bit longer that would end with "I love you, W". She didn't deserve to get one like that after all.

Not after all those circumstances that occurred between them beforehand. And she knew that. She knew that no matter what her husband was hiding, it was her fault they were having constant arguments. He was right from the very beginning. One sincere conversation on December 15th would, at least partly, solve their problems. There was no need for frequent fights. She rejected his request to talk ten days before, then she escaped and distanced herself, putting blame onto everyone else, but herself. Now she has realised it all. This and one more thing - that made her feel embarrassed like never before. There was no gift for him. She hasn't bought him anything for Christmas, for the time he loved the most in the entire year.

Those were the only thoughts inside her mind while attending the Church service, and after it. She controlled it upon meeting well-wishers with her children but once she returned to her room in the afternoon minutes before watching the first official Christmas speech from King Charles III, she sat down on the bed and cursed "I'm such an idiot. Who cares if I was angry or was completely ignoring him? On no account, I should not have forgotten about a Christmas gift!" . As quick as she could, she had written a text message to Pippa.

"Everyone got their presents from me but not him. You know we were fighting but don't you think I should've put that aside and buy him something? He had done that. I failed. What should I do? Squeak".

George knocked on the door, interrupting her process of writing and overthinking.

"Mum, are you going downstairs? It's time to watch the annual message" he said and approached his mum

"Yes, give me a second" she nodded and fixed her hair a little bit

"You look beautiful, come on" .

Catherine smiled at her 'little man' and together they walked to the living room where all the family members, including her husband, waited. She sat down between her children but still she looked at William from a distance, not sure if he would notice that.

Silence filled the room when Charles's speech broadcast had finished. Everyone was rather speechless and lost in thoughts how many things changed in this family over the last year, especially William though.

/

His wife, under the pretext of going to the bathroom, decided to check her phone, to see if her sister responded to her text message: "A conversation, one to talk things through finally. Other gifts, in your current situation, seem pointless."

Catherine sighed, lots of new doubts covered her mind.

"I cannot. It is too difficult. What if it will only make our situation worse?"

"It is better to try, don't you think?" was her sister's new reply.

"Okay. Thank you. Happy X-mas. C ♡" .

After seeing her sister's advice but knowing the outcome of other conversations with William, the princess of Wales could think of only one possible solution.

/

She came back to the living room as if nothing happened a few minutes later and continued to have fun with her children, and after tucking them in bed, also had discussion with her in-laws about past Christmases at Sandringham of which she was not a part yet. It was past 11 PM when everyone left the living room.

Everyone apart from one person. The Prince of Wales was still sitting on the sofa, staring at an envelope that his wife 'accidentally' put in front of him upon leaving the room.

He didn't know what to expect from it, yet he opened it, and read:

_

"William,

I realise now that we should've talked, and explain many things to one another. Not today, not yesterday but ten days ago. On December 15th. You wanted it. Deep inside, so did I. Yet, I decided to neglect you and make you feel miserable for 10 days straight. Moreover, you did not get a real Christmas gift from me because of that. I would say 'I'm sorry', or many other things, but it is not enough. And it is too late for conversation, at least for me it is late. I came way too far with my 'stubbornness', you must admit. This is why I was afraid that having a conversation would only make things worse. For the first time, I was afraid of a conversation with you, and this is the exact reason why you are reading this letter. You wanted to know what I felt right after 'their' Netflix documentary was released - I was frustrated, hence why I reacted the way I did before the "Together At Christmas'' concert. What were my feelings? Frustration and sadness. I still could not believe that he has changed so much, but mostly I felt heartbroken for you. I could see in your eyes that you were angry. I let my own feelings overshadow yours. A day later - I heard your conversation with your therapist - it had broken my heart into pieces that you feel like you're failing me. You never did that. Believe me. How could you even think that? Let alone telling that to someone? It is strange to know that you think of me as a, (well, we adore this word recently don't we?) stubborn person. I admit - I can be that at times but only if you are overprotective towards me OR if you are avoiding your own feelings, hiding from me even though "we are a team" and this is exactly what you've been doing for the last ten days, William. But I made you do that. It is only my fault and my mistake. Just one mistake of many I made over the last two weeks.I escaped and that only worsened our situation as we were separated even if I have 'forgiven' you, or I wanted to but couldn't do it properly. Together, we can fight against everyone and everything that comes at us, including 'their' comments and all kinds of changes that come with your life. Eleven years ago, I vowed to be by your side through it all, and I meant it. Do not let my frustration / 'stubbornness' lead you into thinking that something in me changed. I will never let those bad things take control of my mind ever again. I will simply support you through everything, as much as I can. I love you, William. Please, remember that you are the most important person in my life. Happy Christmas♡

Catherine .

_

William read this letter two times before putting it back into its envelope and came to his and Catherine's room.

/

She was sitting on the bed, watching one of Christmas movies on the TV & trying not to show signs of anxiety she felt.

Her husband came closer to her and put that envelope in her cold hands

"I forgive you everything. Everything that happened is only my fault and MY stubbornness, not yours. You wrote that your feelings overshadowed mine, but the truth is that we both made too many mistakes within those ten days, but it is enough of that. And your letter, in fact, is enough of an apology for me. You do not need to say anything else now, my wife. For the last 11 years you proved to me that you are ready for everything, you know that it still amazes me though?" He smiled and finally looked into her green, now tearful, eyes.

She wanted to say something but was not able to do that. Her voice was cracking. William pulled her closer, into a warm hug and again kept the envelope with her letter in one hand while holding Catherine's small & cold hand in the other.

"Do not say that you haven't given me any Christmas gift if you've taken time to write this"

"But this is just a piece of paper" Catherine shook her head and closed her eyes, trying to calm down and breathe in her husband's scent.

"You have said exactly the same thing about your sketch of St. Andrews. Yet, I still keep it.

'Meaningful' is what I call everything you write or create, my wife. So this letter you've written is also meaningful, but now it also becomes my Christmas gift of 2022".

"Are you kidding me?" Catherine whispered and smiled a little at last

"No. Tell me something now: did you like your Christmas gift?"

"Yes, I did. But now that we reconciled I want to have something else as a Christmas gift" she smiled through tears.

William stared at her for a second before softly kissing her on the lips. "Is that what you mean as 'something else', my wife?"

"Yes and no" she teased.

He sighed and was about to giggle when his wife pressed her lips on his and said "Happy Christmas, my William" between their kisses.

After a few more kisses, he held her into his arms and was looking deeply into her eyes "I love you. Happy Christmas, my wife".

< THE END > 🎄

Special thanks: @royalknightwalker :)

[the-type-a]

Karmas a bitch lmao

So there’s this lady who’s kind of a bitch that works with my mom— and yesterday my mom had to open up the shop. My mom was there with one other person and they go, “Hey (insert name) let me know the Philadelphia Inquirer is stopping by today to do an interview and take pictures.”

Then my mom’s coworker goes, “Yeah (insert name) told me yesterday and said for us not to work on our sections because they are going to take pictures of everything— so don’t upstage anyone else.”

So this bitch knew and just conveniently didn’t tell my mom. Of course it’s the day my mom decides to not really dress up or do her makeup too much.

My mom is like okay, great (and annoyed because she wasn’t even given the chance to prepare).

The Inquirer comes in and out of every vendor in the shop— they pick my mom (and Tio’s) sections to take pictures of. Now my mom is trying her hardest to look decent before the inevitable interview lmao

They ended up only interviewing her, got all her information down, took pictures of her and her 3 big sections, and didn’t even bother looking at the rest of the shop. 💀

I just know for damn sure that one lady that didn’t let her know is fuming because her things were overlooked and my mom was the spotlight of the morning.

——

And a little backstory on this lady:

She is always trying to cause a sale decrease in my mom and Tio’s business.

Apparently someone solely sells records— so anyone else who wants to sell them has been limited to only having 20 records in their sections. Cool. My mom and Tio have been selling records the one vendor simply doesn’t have— and this lady bitches at them 24/7 about it. Like how tf is that their fault 😅

Then on top of that, my mom shares all her things on her fb page and the owner of the shop shares them on the company page (as she does with everyone). And this lady was yelling at my mom because she said my mom is taking advantage of the company page and posting her things on there (essentially not giving anyone else a chance to be seen)…. Bitch what? How is my mom posting on HER account a problem to the company vendors? Especially when the owner is sharing my moms posts— my mom doesn’t even have access to the company page lmao

THEN when my cousin was about to have my nephew— this bitch was saying such negative things about my cousin and her bf because “they aren’t married.” She said they weren’t going to last, like straight up said that. Like how tf are you so bitter that you have to bring any negativity towards people who are about to have a baby?? Just why??

So yeah, I don’t like her and I’m glad my mom was able to be the star of the show yesterday.

[never-not-ever]

I didn’t even realize I had like 9 messages in my inbox all the way back to Jan 12th… a couple were asking for updates which ironically I just posted 2 days ago. But why not post another quick update… I think I mentioned at the end of that one that short frequent updates are better than long ones months later…

So the “tentative” discharge date is next Friday. Pretty sure the meeting with my Nana, doctor and social worker is Tuesday. Then the next day is my therapist and myself. I was hoping my social worker could be a part of it too but she’s out next Wed-Fri.

So todays meeting with my doctor:

She told me that the IOP program that normally has a 2 month waitlist is now just 2 weeks. So I could start a lot sooner after discharge. It’s a really good program but it’s a lot of fucking work and a six month commitment.

She said how if I need to go off unit for the interview she’d give me a pass and I was like woah woah woah you said no more passes??? And she was all “it’s therapeutic”. So I said so can you retract the state application and give me a pass home and she said no. So I dropped it. Cause months ago she said no and she was DEAD set on not changing her mind (or so I thought…).

So then I said since it’s my last weekend here can I have an order to use a mini crochet kit and she said no. Then she said it’s your last weekend or maybe it’s not. And I was like what are you talking about? And she said that on Friday I’m not ready and tell her I think I need another week… and I interrupted her and was like that’s not happening.. I can’t keep doing that.. and then another week and another week. Then she was all “and maybe you want to give V (social worker) a proper goodbye” with a smirk.

So then I told her how yesterday was a roller coaster as it normally is and last night I self harmed. We talked a little about that. I don’t really remember how we went from that to this next part. I was shocked so I think I instantly forgot the minutes prior.

This woman has been ADAMANT that I do not need any home passes before discharge and not even for safety reasons (I snuck stuff back in all passes before). Nope. She just thinks it’s not going to be productive and I just need to discharge and see how it goes… So when I asked her nonchalantly a second time during this meeting and after admitting to self harming last night, for a pass home next week, she said she’d think about it. I was shocked and still am shocked.

Also how is this supposed to be a short reply just two days later and it’s turning into this…

Anyways she said we’ll see how the weekend goes and see how what my Nana thinks during the meeting. Instantly I said that nothing is going to happen this weekend, I want that pass…. But now that mindset is shifting.

God this is so long.. dare I even go into the thoughts surrounding my self harm? Ugh.. trigger warning ahead (maybe? Just to be safe).

So lately the self harm is just not bad enough. It’s never deep enough, never bad enough. Even though I’ve been told by both my doctor and social worker in the past that my stuff is severe and deep. A big reason why they kept me here for so long because it just never stopped and kept getting worse. I briefly looked at my messages and I think someone asked how I’m able to self harm while inpatient and another person why I’ve been kept here so long.. I can give more information in those replies. But yea so it’s definitely gotten highly addicting even though my doctor argued against me that it’s not an addiction so we settled on common ground, it being addictive. So much so that I don’t even care about that pass now. You don’t even know how much it pissed me off that she wouldn’t give me one back then and how at the time I hadn’t self harmed in a while and had a whole plan up of how it would be a good incentive and help me prepare for discharge. All that and just a “yea I changed my mind” from her. And now she’s actually considering it and I’m like whatever. If I was leaving in a month then fine, I’d want that pass but if I’m leaving next Friday (or so I think) then who cares about the pass?

I think the first message from way back was asking if I sabotaged my discharge… yeeaupp. That seems to be the trend. I don’t know if I mentioned it in my previous update but my doctor said she’s not keeping me here for self harm. So I don’t see how me self harming this weekend is going to sabotage my discharge. Only rule out the pass. It’s like a tug of war in my head. It would make discharge a tiny bit easier having a pass. BUT there’s no guarantee she’s going to say yes.

In the end I told her how I do not understand her and she was like “I think you do, we’re similar” and I said yea and that’s scary. My old roommate asked how we’re similar and I said how I can’t explain it but she’s right. Like the past few months all the back and forth from her, she’s infuriated me. But even after all that she’s still an amazing doctor and I stand by us being a good fit.

End for now? Time to answer some messages…

[mashihope]

❥ [DKB] Their makeup is done by their crush (Hyung line)

(This mini moodboard is made by me; I don’t own any of the pics.)

• Members: E-Chan, D1, Teo, GK, Heechan

• Group: DKB

• Warning: Mentions of food and the word "kill"

• Synopsis: You wanted to practice your makeup skills and decided to ask him to be your model. Little did you know, you're actually his crush!

[Note: I have zero knowledge about makeup, some things will probably make no sense at all, sorry about that]

Maknae line

E-Chan

He didn't think much about it when you suggested practicing your makeup skills on him.

He was just happy to be able to help you :) (and be with you, of course)

He kept looking at every single thing you did, from your hands moving around the table to prepare the stuff you needed, to your eyebrows frowning every now and then while trying to be focused.

He knew you didn't realize it but whenever you messed up a little bit, your nose scrunched in the cutest way possible, making his eyes shoot hearts towards you 🥺

He tried to throw a few encouraging words here and there, with a soft tone in hopes he wouldn't startle you; "Oh, so you're going to use that now? It will probably go well with that color you used before!" (while giving you a sweet smile and a thumbs up), "I see, you're using this to tone down the eye shadow, nice move"

You've been quiet most of the time, wanting to do a perfect job (perks of being a perfectionist) without getting distracted with the fact of being so close to Changmin's face (if only you knew he was trying to put that thought aside too...!)

He couldn't help but daydream while looking at every single feature of yours, not even trying to hold back a smile, but you thought he was just being his usual nice self.

He looked peaceful and relaxed on the outside but he actually got really shy and nervous every time your eyes met, feeling those stupid wings flying inside his stomach and making him wonder if you would actually hear how loud his heart was suddenly beating...

"Changmin... have you eaten?" but you heard his stomach growling instead, making him blush.

"Uh..." he couldn't help but let out a nervous giggle, he was so embarrased.

"You're lucky that I'm here, coincidentally my mom gave me this morning some *insert a korean food here* that she made. You should try it, she's a really good cook!"

Having to spend time with you and actually eating something your mom has made? He should buy some lotto because today's his lucky day!

D1

You were friends with Heechan, you didn't actually know Dongil.

The thing is, their stylist had to go home that morning because she didn't feel okay, and Dongil had already made a promise yesterday that he would make a Live with Harry at night after practice.

Heechan knows how good of a beauty vlogger you are, so he recommended you to Dongil.

You were surprised by the time you arrived at the practice room, he looked so shy, unlike in the random videos you had seen around YouTube before.

He was so polite, however, and bowed a few times out of nervousness, "I'm D1 but you can call me Dongil. I hope we can get along nicely"

"Hyung, we're not filming an interview, take it easy" Harry was dancing around the room while listening to xiker's Tricky House, unbothered.

"He's right, try to think of me as your usual stylist, okay?" you smiled, making your eyes almost fade away and showing a little dimple.

"Heechan, I'm gonna kill you after this" he felt his ears getting warmer after that, making him even more nervous.

"Okay, we'll start with sorting out the colors that will potentially look good on you, based on your skin tone, hair and outfit" you said in a excited tone, opening your makeup bag.

"Do you do this often? It looks like you know what you're doing" he said half smiling, while "playing" with his ear.

"Oh, so he didn't tell you? I have a YouTube channel, I guess you've never came across it before" you giggled while holding an eyeshadow palette beside his face, trying to see if any of those colors would work.

"Really...? We actually have a friend who..."

He started to talk non-stop about said friend, making Harry laugh in the process, already invested in BTS' ON choreo.

"That's... nice" it was cute, he was cute in fact, the way he had been rambling about it.

"By the way, you have a really pretty skin tone" you were putting a little bit of foundation on his face, thinking that he really didn't need that much because his skin looked good already.

"You're welcome... I mean! Thank you!" if he had been sitting on a chair, he would have fallen to the floor. Harry laughed once again (messing up the steps), amused by his older brother's suffering.

"Heechan didn't mention you'd be this cute, what a surprise"

The blush on his ears spread to his face and prayed that you wouldn't notice.

"Hey, my mom uses that" he pointed to the perfume bottle that was sticking out of your bag, and talked about how nice it's scent was and how much he had missed it.

"When I was on my way to this room, there was a certain scent in the hallway that reminded me of a trip I made with my siblings last year, it was the first time we were going on a trip together without our parents and it made really good memories... Turns out you were the one behind it!"

He didn't know what to say after that, so he talked instead about that time he went on a trip with his parents, the butterfly that scared him when he opened the bathroom door, the shirt he bought in the store that was next to the hotel and somehow what he ate yesterday.

"Dongil?" "Y-yeah?" "I'm done"

He was startled to hear those words, "No! I-I'm sorry, I'll be quiet from now on, I swear!"

"Oh, silly, I mean I'm done with your makeup!" you giggled, giving him your pocket mirror. It seems that he hadn't noticed that he had been talking for the past 20 minutes.

"Oh... I... Actually look good?" he was shocked as if he had never seen his own reflection before.

"Of course you do! You did the most part of it, honestly. Anything would look good on you"

"Oh, uh... Would you like to stay for a while?"

"I can't, but we can catch up another day on that story about that little boy who mistook you for Sunwoo from The Boyz!"

Dongil received a message from Heechan during their Live, "So, how did it go? :)"

"Y/N looks better in person than in the videos!"

Teo

Seongsik accepted quite fast... Helping you and actually having to pass some time with you, why wouldn't he?

Actually, he didn't really have anything better to do and was feeling really bored before you visited the dorms, but you will never know that.

"Did you think about anyone else before me? Ah, of course you didn't, you would never find any other face like this out there"

A quiet "wtf...?" almost escaped your lips, you silently judged him after whatever it was that he had going on.

When you turned around to face him again, he was sitting on the kitchen's counter, trying to look like a model with his gaze upon the horizon...

But he actually looked stupid.

"I should have asked Seongmin", you mumbled under your breath, already tired like a kindergarten teacher that has to look after a bunch of wild and hyperactive kids.

He looked confused when you told him to sit on an actual chair, "But I looked stunning sitting up there though...?"

You were debating between cleaning everything up and going home or actually doing his makeup; you didn't know if he was acting like that for real or just to annoy you, but he was doing a great job.

You tried to remember why you chose to do this in the first place every time he threw a pickup line... A LOT OF DUMB AND CHEESY ONES.

"Aside from being sexy, do you know what else I do for a living?"

"Seongsik, that's not how it works."

For some reason, he couldn't stop picking things up from the table, playing with the brushes and trying to tickle your face.

"One more time and I'll shove this pencil up your-"

"You're trying to look so serious, for what? You haven't smiled once since you came earlier" he tilted his head, looking surprisingly cute (but you'll never admit it though)

"I'm worried" "Why" "You didn't smile after I opened the door"

You rolled your eyes, unsure if he was joking or not because you were actually wearing a mask when that happened.

After what seemed to be hours of silence, he decided to finally make moves, "now or never", he couldn't stop thinking about it.

"I think this lipstick shade would look gorgeous on you, don't you think?", he said nonchalantly while looking at the lipstick container you were closing after putting it on him.

"I'm already wearing-"

You looked at him without realizing he had already got closer to you...

But didn't have time to react once you felt his lips on yours, a soft kiss filled with love and adoration.

You suddenly forgot about the makeup session, with wide eyes and red cheeks after he broke the kiss, checking your reaction and worried of you getting mad at him.

But he actually laughed when he found out that he had made your serious and annoyed façade disappear.

"I guess the boys were right and you do love me after all"

"Shut up" you approached the sink to wash your face in hopes it would stop burning (but failed)

GK

You were able to see all the question marks above his head, trying to understand your words while leaning on the wall with crossed arms, (you know, trying to look like the baddest bad boy... keyword, "trying")

You were holding back a giggle because his eyes were all above the place, in hopes they would land on anything that wasn't you.

"...why me?" is all that he said after processing your request, finally looking at you, "why not?" "...but why, though?"

Once you got him out of his confused state, you had to keep repeating the same words, "no, you don't have to pay me. No, Brave Entertainment didn't send me. No, Gwanghyun, I don't wan't money" (funny enough, someone outside passed by while listening to Lisa's Money)

He is really stubborn, and he couldn't help but think about how this could be seen as how their stylists work almost everyday, refusing to let you do it for free.

He had to drink a whole water bottle before sitting down LMAO

Once you sighed after giving up, he tried really hard to go back to his "bad boy" self, but he was just an anxious mess overthinking every single word that miraculously came out of his mouth.

"Would you mind if I...?", he asked showing you the screen of his phone, where it seemed to be his (also) "bad boy" playlist.

He felt better after the music started to play because he thought it would help him relax, but...

BUT

He noticed you were paying attention to the lyrics when you frowned, as if you were judging him now because of the words that rapper just said.

"Why did I get myself into this?", those words were echoing in his brain because you were quiet, almost too quiet...

"Wait", he suddenly froze after noticing the shapes you just made in his cheeks with a soft pink blush, "Did you just...?" "Yup 😊" "Did you seriously just...?"

You laughed, being no longer able to hold it back. He looked at you in disbelief, "Why would you put hearts on my cheeks? Do you find it funny? Do I look funny to you?" he gestured his hands around his face, making the situation look even more funny.

You made a bet with him; if he made a Live like that, you would accept the money he already decided to give you but if he washed his face before the Live he would have to accept only cute outfits from the stylists from now on.

...guess who's paying for everything on a date next friday?

Heechan

He overheard you talking about it with Changmin on his way to the practice room.

When he was about to go through the door (none of you knowing he was there yet), you lowered your voice and told Changmin that it would be your first time doing someone else's makeup and you were actually really scared of doing something wrong.

He leant on the wall waiting until the leader left the practice room.

"Hey, you, stop. Well, no, don't stop, but, you know what I mean" he was mumbling because his heart started to beat fast when you turned around and looked at him.

You tried to explain him what you wanted to do, which he nodded to with a comforting smile after you finished.

He could see that you didn't feel confident at all, so he made a promise to himself that he would make you smile at least one time, in hopes that would make some of those negative thoughts go away for a while.

"Okay, so" he held your cold hands after noticing they were shaking, "you can start by telling me what kind of style you're going for"

"I... I don't actually know, to be honest... I just wanted to try something that could look good on you..." you were looking at the floor, not even daring to look into his eyes.

"Do you have any ideas to work with?" he placed his hand sofly on your chin, trying to make you look at him.

"Hmm... I saved some of your Twitter photos earlier, but I don't know if you would like any of those"

That made his heart beat faster again, you've just admited you have photos of him on your gallery, OF HIM, not even Junseo or Yuku!

"You can do whatever you want with my face, I'm sure anything would look nice. I've seen a lot of your posts before, you always look good no matter the makeup style, so I guess you could even turn me into V if you wanted to"

"Why would I do that?" you raised an eyebrow, almost offended by the way he suddenly implied he didn't already look good.

The next 15 minutes passed surprisingly quickly. He was lost in thought about what he could possibly say to make you feel better after you became even more quiet, as if you had got mad earlier.

You assumed he was the one who got mad at you, judging by the expression on his face, so you were worried and decided you wouldn't say anything else that could annoy him.

"Why did I have to f*ck things up this much? He probably thinks I'm annoying :("

And then, when you turned around after picking up a brush, he greeted you with one of his "ugly" but funny faces, catching you off guard.

You stumbled and fell to the ground while laughing, out of all things you could have expected him to do, that surely wasn't one of them, but it wasn't unusual either.

"If you find dumb things funny, you should watch that new movie, are you free next wednesday?" he said without actually thinking about the meaning of the words that just escaped his mouth, starting to blush almost as much as you.

"I... You... Let's get on with this!" you tried to focus on what you were supposed to be doing, trying not to overthink what he said nor read too much into it.

He smiled to himself, proud of his little but brave achievement... I guess working for Brave Entertainment has its benefits after all?

[angelbluediary]

[Side note, I’ve seen 12:22 and 2:22 today.]

Something my mom has made a point about repeatedly, when we get into it, is that she doesn’t verbally abuse me the way her mother did to her. She says she has always been a good mom and in many ways seems to credit that with not calling me fat growing up.

What she doesn’t seem to realize is that I’ve grown up listening to her tear her own appearance apart, and that affects me, too. Obviously not to the same degree. But it makes me understand, all the same, that I have to present myself a certain way every time I leave the house and every time I pose for photos. She has taught me that women (even—especially!—your best friends) will zoom in on your face, on all of your faces, and critique and compare and criticize. That every picture posted of you online is grounds for scrutiny. That you have to obsess and despair over every perceived flaw. (And that may be why I always have to edit my photos before I post them, down to the tiniest details).

Yesterday we went to a wedding—a small and casual wedding with close family friends—and while I’m rushing to get ready, she asks me for help. Wants advice on her shape wear that’s bunching up her skin and “feels like torture” and explains why the other set won’t be as good, because it’s old, but then she wants me to help pull it up and pin it to her bra on both sides so it stays in place, and I’m like ahhhhh??? And I’m visibly uncomfortable with that and tell her I won’t be able to do it and she looks at me with such a disappointed expression, with that touch of “how dare you,” that vague trace of “who do you think you are” that I see on her face towards me sometimes (and is always later confirmed by her words in private) so I do. I try. I do my best and try not to think about how badly I just want to fix my hair before our time runs out and I follow her instructions and I poke her by accident with the pin, and she yelps, so I immediately stop and reiterate that see I couldn’t do it after all.

Obviously when my dad got home, he helped her as he always does.

So the wedding service goes great, we’re all laughing and having a good time, I’m feeling really happy because the only other wedding I’ve been to as an adult was poisoned the entire evening with tension between my mom and I (that stupid misunderstanding; the both of us being hungry; me excitedly telling her about there being more food when I glimpsed the kitchen preparing a massive spread in the back; her thinking I meant it was already available and having to wait just a bit longer; her telling everyone for the rest of the night about the cruel joke I played on her, as I lightly laughed along and tried to gently diffuse while setting the record straight; her all but calling me a conniving liar and repeating her “joke” again and again till I finally blew up hours later).

And I’m determined to keep it lighthearted and easy like this, but my mom can’t stand that, apparently. Has to make me the butt of the joke whenever she can. So she tells my cousin about me sticking her with the safety pin, like it was intentional. Like I’d been waiting for an opportunity to hurt her.

By this point it’s 3 pm and I’m on my heaviest flow day, haven’t eaten, and am instantly triggered. And I just shut down. All at once I feel like I’m going to cry, in front of all these people, because she keeps up the joke when she sees I’m not playing along. She loves to poke fun of other people and she never learns to fucking lay off but you can’t say a word back to her with the same energy.

To make matters worse, apparently she had recruited M to help with her shape wear after I’d left. He hadn’t been able to do it, but he hadn’t stuck her with the pin, which she made sure to tell my cousin and the rest of our little table.

Why am I writing about all this?

Because today is Mother’s Day, and I’ve been unemployed for almost two months now, am just now starting to pick up interviews, so I wasn’t able to get her anything elaborate like a custom necklace with all our birthday gemstones, or whatever else I’ve given her in the past, and instead got a candle. A cute funny candle with a scent I thought she’d like that cost almost $30 total with shipping. And I go out there today and sitting on the dining room table is an elaborate basket M bought her, filled with all kinds of nice pampering items. And it felt like the biggest fucking betrayal, and a slap in the face on multiple fronts. Because of course this is going to add to her comparisons between us (even though my big gifts didn’t seem to help my ranking, but whatever). But also How could he? How could M do this? And what a ridiculous thought that is, because what has he done besides buy a nice gift for our mom on Mother’s Day? Yet he’s always going on about now wanting to be the golden boy, not wanting to live up to all these expectations they have of him (and I want to ask, what expectations? You don’t drive, have no chores, don’t get the grades I used to get and aren’t expected to, they shrug or laugh when you admit you’ve smoked weed or done anything, what are you even talking about?), trauma of being a Gifted Student (again???)

His gift, dwarfing mine so ridiculously, is a visual representation of how our mom sees our efforts towards her and towards our family at large. It doesn’t matter how many miles and hours I drive for them, how many days I sacrifice to help other peoples’ schedules, the times I’d keep M with me in Myrtle Beach, putting myself through college entirely on my own loans, that I grew up with household duties and they haven’t, that I set the precedent for buying her nice things with the money I earned, none of that matters.

Living with her is too difficult for my heart.