#i have one more pill i may take before bed if the pain is bad then after that it's advil and tylenol so hopefully that'll do

[naomiknight-17]

I thought being on opioids would be more fun, after hearing about how addictive they are and knowing how tightly controlled and sought-after they are

And I am not at all belittling anyone's addiction cuz I know that's serious and chemical based and also often rooted in depression and mental illness

But this stuff isn't even fun to be on. I'm just kind of fuzzy and slow and my senses are a bit dulled. Also I apparently have no filter and was just telling hubby how important he is to me in uh. More emphatic detail than is usual. I am not a romantic

But apparently with enough codeine in me, I am

[leighsartworks216]

The Best Medicine

Zayne x gn!Reader

It's almost 1am. I think working on these fics is just gonna keep getting later and later until it circles back around to a reasonable time. Not proofread even a little bit.

Not explicitly mentioned, but this is a fic dealing with chronic pain, based around my own chronic joint pain, which flared up multiple times while working on this. Zayne would be so upset with me lol

Warnings: chronic pain, descriptions of pain, kissing, fluff

Word Count: 1,576

Main Masterlist

Love and Deepspace Masterlist

AO3

You listen silently as the front door opens and closes with a click. The jangle of keys as they’re neatly hung up on the nearby wall hooks. The rustle of fabric as he takes off his coat.

Dress shoes are replaced with slippers that pad softly through the house to the bedroom. You’re already looking at the door when he pokes his head in.

“Have you eaten anything today?” Zayne asks as he comes to your side. He sits down slowly on the edge of the bed, being careful not to touch you. He’s got that familiar frown on his face, the one he gets when he’s concerned about your health. It warms your heart.

“Not much,” you admit. “Just a couple snacks. I couldn’t stand for long today.”

He hums in understanding. To his mind, the worst kind of patient was one that could not be so easily treated. As if your heart didn’t weigh heavily enough on his mind…

You suppress a wince as you slip a hand out of the blanket to touch his cheek. He holds it lightly for a moment, before setting it back to rest on the bed. “You don’t have to have that look on your face, you know. We’re not in the hospital right now.”

“I always worry for your health, regardless of where we are.” With the threshold of touch crossed, he doesn’t hesitate for long before brushing your hair out of your face. His fingers are cool to the touch as they skim your forehead, tucking longer strands behind your ear. “Have you taken anything for the pain yet?”

You look down at his tie, loosened around his neck. He sighs.

“And you don’t want me to worry, even though you have a relentless habit of ignoring your health?”

“I thought…” You sigh. You know it sounds stupid; it always does. There’s no logic behind it. “I thought I could power through it this time. It wasn’t so bad this morning.”

He sighs, but the exasperation drifts on an undercurrent of fondness. “It may not have been as bad right now if you’d taken your medication sooner.”

He gets up from the bed and goes into the bathroom. You can see his reflection in the mirror from this angle, until he opens it in search of medicine for you to take. It reflects your pitiful state for a time. Reduced to rotting away in bed all day, barely able to move without risking pain. On days like these, days when your body betrayed you, dangling your success at becoming a Hunter and fighting Wanderers right before your eyes, just out of reach, it was easy to lose yourself to the cruelty of your mind. It always found its way back to the forefront of your thoughts, whether you listened to music, watched a show or movie, or risked moving to scroll through messages.

The mirror cabinet shut, reflecting once more the calm face of your partner, and it felt easier to remember that one bad day did not undo the progress of a lifelong dream.

He returned with a small pill bottle in hand, none the wiser to your plight. Setting the bottle on the nightstand, he worked with you to slowly, as carefully as possible, help you sit up. You purposefully leaned forward to rest against him, but he didn’t push you away, despite the inconvenience. He did his best not to jostle you, listening for any noise of discomfort, as he retrieved the bottle and poured two pills into his hand. When you open your mouth for them, he chuckles, and deposits them onto your tongue.

The cup on your nightstand had been placed there this morning by your darling doctor. It’s still almost full when he picks it up and brings it to your lips. “You were supposed to drink all of this,” he lightly scolds.

Speaking through the pills in your mouth, you tease, “I was rationing.”

He doesn’t speak while he helps you drink. One hand rests at the back of your neck, supporting your head as it tips back. The other slowly tilts the cup, until you tap his knee to know you have enough water to take the pills. His thumb strokes the base of your skull as you focus on swallowing, prepared to assist if you can’t get them down in one try.

As soon as you’re done, he dryly retorts, “Rationing for how long? At that rate, you could make this one cup last a month.”

Your snicker puts him at ease.

He sets the glass down as he speaks. “You should try to get some rest. I’ll make dinner, and wake you when it’s finished.”

“Wait!” You grab his wrist when he starts laying you back down. The movement sends bolts of electricity up your arm. It feels like someone has tangled wires within the marrow of your bones and hooked each end up to a car battery. You let go immediately, but the aftershocks continue to linger.

“Relax,” he soothes. He rests you back against him. “Just breathe. It’ll pass soon.”

You press your nose to his collar as you do as he says. The first breaths come out as a hiss between clenched teeth, shaky and shallow. Like a struck cymbal, the pain gradually recedes until where once was a stabbing sting, there’s only a dull ache. Your breaths even out just the same, working to become deeper and more stable. You don’t have to look to know Zayne would have that sad, sympathetic look on his face, unable to do more than hold you and wait.

“That,” you manage a strained laugh, lacking mirth, “wasn’t my best move.”

Zayne makes a sound of agreement, but holds back from chastising you for it. You’d certainly learned your lesson already.

“I was going to say, let me stay on the couch while you cook.” You lift your head to look at him, smiling. “I haven’t seen you since this morning. I had all day to rest, I’d rather spend time near you.”

He frowned. “You barely moved a second ago and were in excruciating pain. How do you expect to make it as far as the door, let alone the couch, without exacerbating things?”

“Easy! You carry me to the couch.”

“As if that’s much better.”

“Please.” Your smile falls to a pleading earnestness, eyes wide and brow furrowed. “I just want to spend time with you.”

He stares at you for a moment, contemplating. There’s frustration in his voice now. “Either I carry you and risk your pain flaring up, or I don’t and you stubbornly make the trip yourself while my back is turned. Do you always have to tie my hands when it comes to your health?”

“Do you really want an answer to that?”

“No, I already know what you’d say.” He sighs, but relents. “Slowly. I don’t want to make things worse.”

It takes several minutes and a lot of careful maneuvering until you were in his arms, being carried like rescued royalty and not like a chronically in-pain partner who just pestered their doctor boyfriend to bring them to the couch. There were some twinges here and there, mainly in your knees and arms, from the way he carried you and the way you held on, but it was only a few degrees worse than baseline, nothing like the pain from before.

He moves steadily, focusing intently on where he’s going and not hurting you. Before long, you’re laying on the couch, covered in a soft knitted blanket and beaming up at the man before you. He tries not to appear flustered by the attention.

“I’ll get you some more water. Do you need anything else?”

“Just one more thing.”

“What is it?”

Your whole body seems to light up with mischief. “A kiss.”

He smiles as he leans down, supporting himself against the arm and back of the couch. You instinctively close your eyes. And open them a second later to glare at him when he just kisses your forehead. The disgruntled noise you make makes him laugh.

“On the lips, doctor,” you tease. “It’s much more potent that way.”

“Really?” He chuckles, breath fanning your face from the proximity. “Did you read that on the internet?”

You roll your eyes. “This is basic medical knowledge! Everyone knows the healing properties of a good kiss.”

“Then I suppose I should ensure my patient makes a speedy recovery.”

You’re still grinning like a fool when he presses a kiss to your lips, and delighted when he doesn’t pull away immediately. Instead, he takes his sweet time, slowly working to part your lips with his own. He tilts his head, nose brushing your cheek, to indulge in you like the sweet candy he handed out after your check ups. It could have been minutes or hours, when he eventually pulls away. The breath he takes in makes your heart skip several beats. You lean up, hoping to catch it, but come up woefully empty.

You open your eyes, and he’s grinning down at you, a bit smug at seeing the effect he has on you.

“What would you like for dinner?” he asks at a near whisper, voice soft and ever so slightly raspy, full of love. You have to take a second to remember what food tastes like, when all you can think of is how sweet he is.

[dariaslookalike]

Building Houses and Burning Bridges Pt 11: Teasing and tit Jobs

Summary:

It seems, oddly enough, that Gregory House lives to annoy you. He takes 'arseholish boss' to the next level. Wake up in the morning, ready to have breakfast, and drive to the hospital where you both work? Nope, you're getting a text that says you're late to his impromptu 4:30 AM meeting where he's had the 'breakthrough of the century' on the team's latest case. Get your hair cut and walk into work, for once feeling confident? Nope, he's saying that he would have done a better job blinded, hands tied and going through Vicodin withdrawals. Finally, 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺, prove him wrong and attempt to wipe the cockiness off his face? Nope, you're simply slow because you didn't get to your diagnosis quicker and weak-willed because you didn't fight him for it in the beginning. Everything House does infuriates you, and it seems everything you do infuriates him. No wonder you end up pinned to the wall of your apartment and groping him like your life depends on. And knowing House, it very may well.

Warnings: Adult language, mature themes, eventual smut, female protagonist, no reference of y/n

Rating: 18+ MDNI

Current Status: Ongoing

A/N: An update! Lol, this fic has been rotting in my google docs for too long. so i'm procrastinating my uni assignments due tomorrow, and i'm updating here. hope to get chapter 13 out by the end of may but we'll see how that goes lmao

Masterlist: Building Houses and Burning Bridges

Next Chapter: Pt 12

Word Count: 4.2k

-----------------------

You’re off the medication, finally. 

That’s what your rational brain should have thought when you woke up, and no longer saw the white pills on the bedside table. No more gulping them down, no more harsh cough or aches. You were better.

You’re not thinking that however.

You’re staring at House while he’s sleeping; which is odd, you can admit. Maybe creepy. You don’t admonish yourself, however. How could you? He’s entrancing. You wish you had some paper here, hell, even a napkin or tissue, so you could scrawl and sketch, to have something tangible to look at later. 

You feel your heart twist at the notion. You might not wake up next to him again or ever; He might decide that just sex was horrible with you, and he never wants you in his bed again. Or he might have seen the way you looked at him last night, when you were rubbing his leg and easing his pain, and decided it was too much, too soon- decided that he was right at the start, and that there was no way you could ever stop your feelings for him from interfering with just sex .

Was he right? You knew that things had shifted in your heart after sleeping with him. Before, you could sidestep around the topic and push off any feelings as a simple whimsical thought, a school girl’s fantasy, and nothing more. Now, you want to kiss his lips and bite the apple of his cheek and suck his neck and tell him he’s yours and no one else's. Too much, too soon. You couldn’t do that, couldn’t tell him that- because House wasn’t yours. Sure, he seems intent on having more fun with you. But that was it. Just sex . He would never share the way you wanted him, he would never look at you with much else besides lust. 

But you don’t have paper, or a napkin, or a tissue. So you lay there, and as you stare at him, in the back of your mind you think this will do. If I can’t have him the way I want him, this will do.  

He looks at ease, for once. You know his leg is still bad and that even in his sleep, he’s probably scheming. But there’s no analysing gaze. He’s not staring down at some patient with mistrust and he’s not rolling his eyes at you and he’s not snapping at one of the ducklings. The notch in his brow isn’t so prominent and his mouth is open slightly as he breathes deeply. He’s relaxed, beside you. This will do.

His alarm goes off and you clench your eyes shut. 

You hear him shift, fumbling to hit the clock and finally flicking the right button to silence it’s blaring noise. He lays back against the mattress and settles with a sigh. You listen to him breathe and the overwhelming stillness of the room.

“How long have you been awake and watching, newbie?”

You flick open one eye, and he has his arms tucked behind his head as he gazes up to the ceiling. “How’d you know?”

“I felt psychically attacked by you- or should I say ravaged?” He looks at you from the corner of his eye. “Also you snore when you’re sleeping.”

“I do not!”

He smiles at the ceiling. “Yes, you do. You sleep talk too.”

“No! You’re lying.” You swing out an arm, landing a light blow on his chest. He recoils from it with exaggeration and twists himself to face you.

“If it’s any consolation, you only say random things when you’re sleep talking. Like ‘House just like thaaaaa’.” He trails off into a high pitched moan.

You scoff, but bury your flaming face in your hands. You peek out, briefly. “Are you serious?”

He smirks. “Yep. You’re all over me, even in your sleep.” He reaches out a hand, brushing a strand of hair from your face. His hand rests on the side of your face, and his thumb smooths over your cheek. “But don’t worry. I’ll only tell Wilson.”

You laugh, but move swiftly and twist yourself to lean on your forearms and knees. House’s eyes flick between the dangling neckline of his shirt that you’re wearing, where your cleavage is showing, and your arse that you stick in the air. 

“You’re not gonna tell Wilson anything.”

“Oh, yeah?” House cocks an eyebrow, flopping onto his back once more. He smirks at you. “What makes you so certain I haven’t already told him everything?”

“Because you were the one who had to stop a blowjob so you wouldn’t be a one pump chump. You can’t act like you didn’t want it just as much as me.”

He tilts his head, and tuts. “Yeah, I can. Last I checked, you were the one screaming- the one who lost the bet.” His smile drips with an overly sweet honey. “You still need to pay up, by the way. I take cash or checks.” 

You sit back and his cool eyes track your movements as you sit on your heels. “I want a rematch.”

“Not a chance. I won, fair and square.”

“You won because you didn’t let me suck you off like I wanted.” You say bluntly. “You won because you were able to hulk out and keep me under you.” 

His eyes darken at your words, but his lips still tilt up. “I’m a cripple and you’re playing the “you overpowered me” card?”

“No, I’m playing the “you had to top otherwise you would have been a goner” card.”

“Still not happening.”

“Double or nothing.” You clench your jaw. “But this time, I’m in control and you can sit there, and look pretty.”

House bats his eyelashes. “You know I’m the best at that. But trust me, you could tie me up and you’d still be the first one begging.”

You smirk, shifting on your knees slightly. “You wanna bet? Yesterday was a fluke on my part- I’ve been cooped up in here for weeks. It was cabin-fever induced touch deprivation.”

He scoffs, sitting up and crossing his arms with a level of self-absorbed-assurance you couldn’t master. But there’s a glint in his eyes. He knows what you’re getting at, but he’s letting himself play right into your hand. 

“Tie me up. You won’t win.” He moves, leaning up to whisper in your ear. 

You laugh, placing your hand on his shoulder and shoving him back against the bedding. “Let me find your belt first and you won’t be so sure.”

You scooch past him and his hand snakes out, pinching your arse as you stand up from the bed. You shoot him a withering look and he just grins. 

When you return, he cocks his head slightly. “I didn’t think you were serious about the belt. Gonna whip me too?”

You give him a pout dripping with fake sympathy. “Only if you beg.”

You scan the bed with a disapproving eye and he tracks your gaze to the solid headboard. “I can’t really tie you to that. So turn around.”

His eyes flick down you. “Just because we’ve committed the most unholy of sins together doesn’t mean you’re my boss now. Don’t go on a power trip.”

“Ohh, you’re so right, House.” His lips tilt up even though it’s obvious you’re mocking him. You lean forward, ghosting your lips against his in a smile. “Now be good for me, please, and turn over.”

You see him swallow, but he laughs you off and gives in, twisting around. You shuffle closer to him on the bed, and move his hands softly behind him. You loop the belt in on itself and place it around his wrists before tightening it. He hisses slightly when the edge digs into his skin, and you press your palm into his shoulder, spinning him back around.

He sits with his back up to the headboard, arms twisted behind himself. House glowers at you from beneath his brow. “I didn’t think you were serious .”

He stretches his legs out in front of him, and you see him already twitching in his boxers. You smirk. “You just don’t want to admit how much you like it.” 

His jaw clenches. 

“But,” you say, your voice dropping in tone. “If you don’t want this, at any point, tell me. No hard feelings.” You cross your fingers over your heart in a promise.

“I’ve known since I saw you that it would end with one of us tied up.” He tilts his head, raising his eyebrows up in an obvious fashion. “Next time, it’s your turn.”

Sitting beside his thigh, you pat it with mocking comfort. “Sure thing.”

He scowls at you but it’s quickly replaced by a sharp inhale when your hands reach out, pulling down his boxers. He’s half hard and you spit on your hands the same way you did last time. The action makes him tense. You reach out ghosting wet fingers across him and House hisses beside you. His attention is torn between your hands and your face. Eventually, you feel him decide to glare at you, and you look at him, a sweet saccharine smile in place. 

“You doing alright, House?”

“Not exactly. Feels like you’re trying to tickle my dick.”

You laugh, and the mask of power slips for a moment when you tuck your chin to your chest in a giggle. You look back at him coyly, and his jaw ticks. “‘M sorry. I don’t have to touch you there.”

House opens his mouth to protest when your hand abandons him, but the words are lost when you siddle in close to him and let your fingers dance across his chest. You lean in closer, face next to his and your lips ghost across his cheek. He says nothing, no cocky retorts or snarky remarks to be heard. You kiss his cheek, and trail down to his jaw, your hand making smooth shapes across the plane of his chest, his shoulder, his neck. You tug his shirt up and it stays wrangled up, showing the smattering of hair leading down his lower belly. You plant kiss after kiss on everywhere you can reach, soft and gentle. 

You find a spot on his neck and bite it softly before you continue across the smooth column of his throat, leaving wet kisses and marks wherever you can touch. Your other hand sneaks up behind him, entangling itself in his hair. You scratch against his scalp as you bite down on the junction between his neck and shoulder. He’s breathing heavily above you, and you finally abandon your own resistance, and lean closer, skating your lips across his. He leans into the kiss awkwardly, unable to support himself with his hands tied behind him, but he still pushes forward to you. You push him back, chasing after his lips and deepening the kiss. It’s intoxicating and feverish and your hand reaches down, this time firmly grasping his cock. He’s not half hard anymore, instead pulsing against your palm with heat. He gasps into your mouth and you smile against him.

You pull back, setting yourself beside him again. 

You pump him with your hand firmly, and he groans, hips bucking softly into your hand. You pull back, and he shoots you a confused look. 

You just smirk, staying silent. You pump him again, and pull back once more when he moves. He catches on quickly, hissing. “That is not fair.”

“Says who?” You tilt your head at him. 

“Me.” He scoffs, indignantly. 

“I don’t listen to crazy, tied up men.” You say, pouting sadly.

“Untie me then. I’ll prove I’m not crazy.”

“Nice try, House.”

You pump him again, and like the quick learner he is, he just grits his teeth and stays still. 

“Good job, baby.” You say sweetly, pressing a kiss to his neck. You stroke him again, this time tightening your grip each time you reach his head. You kiss at his neck, pumping him up and down, loosely and then firm in your fist. 

He swears beneath his breath softly. Not admitting defeat, but he’s getting there. 

You spit down onto your palm, swiping your thumb over his head. You pump him again, and again, your other hand reaching down to softly cup and squeeze his balls. 

He rolls his head back, leaning against the headboard with shut eyes. “Fuck, Newbie. The brothel teach you that trick?”

You hand tightens to the point of just-uncomfortable around his cock, and his eyes snap open as he groans. You snicker. 

“I’ve had a lot of free time- you’ve got so many pornos in your apartment.”

His eyes snap to yours, and even though he knows that he doesn’t own one porno that could have taught you any of this, his eyes get glossy with the thought. “Yeah?”

You nod. “Yeah.” You pump him in your hand, faster, quickening the speed. “You’d be gone for so long and I got so bored.”

He can’t even respond to you, and you let out a breathy, just for show, moan, face scrunching as you keep talking in a breathy tone. You pump him, bouncing on your calves slightly with the movement. “Had to fuck myself in your bed while you were gone. Did it when you were in the lounge room, sleeping on the couch.”

He’s enraptured, mouth open slightly and blue eyes pinned to yours as you continue. “Wasn’t enough. Just kept thinking I should go and wake you up and beg you to help me.”

His throat bobs. “You should have.”

You lean closer, running your mouth along his jaw. He just tilts his head back, giving you better access. “I will be.”

You pump him faster, the sound of his cock fucking into your hand obscene and filling the room. 

“Fuck.” He says, voice breathy. “I’m close.”

“Just gotta beg for, House. C’mon, you can use your words.” You mumble against his skin. “I’ll swallow it all.”

Maybe a small part thought that would break his resolve, but he shakes his head and you grin against him.

“No.”

You lean back, smirking at him. “Then you don’t get to cum.”

He glares at you, his nostrils flaring, but he says nothing, fine to be blue balled if it means you don’t win so quickly.

He expects you to stop your movement but you don’t. You keep pumping him, faster, harder, smiling softly at him. 

“W-what are you doing?” He asks, voice shaky, his hips stuttering into your hand- you won’t punish him for that right now. 

“Nothing.” You look at him innocently. “Just don’t cum.”

“Well, sweetheart.” He spits, still managing to sound like he has the power here. “I don’t have the willpower of a buddhist monk, if you keep jerking me off like this I’m going to cum.”

“I know.” You smile sweetly, pumping his cock up and down with your fist. 

He glances to your face, confused at what you’re playing at. He won’t understand until it’s too late, and so his gaze rips back down to where your hand is wrapped around him. 

“I’m-” He stutters. “Fuck, I’m going to-”

He can’t finish his sentence, as you keep jerking him at a brutal pace, his head lolling back. He groans, throbbing in your palm. 

You wretch your hand back at the last second and watch with a grin as his dick falls against his stomach, his cum splattering against his bare stomach. His voice is wrecked as he calls out, swearing. His breath is heavy, shuddering up and down. 

His dick is still hard and red, and his eyes fling open, glaring at you as you smile back at him.

“What the fuck did you just do , Newbie?”

You cross your finger over your heart. “A magician never tells her secrets.”

He opens his mouth to protest or cuss you out, but falls silent when you reach out and wrap your hand around his still hard cock once more. 

“Fuck! Fuck that’s so- fuck.” He groans, shaking his head. He lets out a wrecked sound from the back of his throat as you smear his cock in his own cum, using it to stroke him up and down once more. 

He’s oversensitive, but ruined. You look at him, jutting out your bottom lip. “You alright House? D’you want me to jerk you off again?”

He shakes his head and your movements instantly still, but then he nods. “No, yes. Fuck, that just feels so much more .”

Your hands resume their gentle movement as you grin wickedly. “That’s the point.”

 You pause, moving to nudge his legs apart and you resettle, kneeling between them. He sighs, relieved when your hand falls from his cock, giving him some reprieve. Instead, you spread your own legs, hand tracing down your soft stomach circle at that spot between your legs. You’re so wet, and you use the slick to run messy circles over your clit. You moan, your other hand falling to his non-injured leg for support. Your fingers dig into the skin as the pressure builds up in your core. He says nothing, and your eyes flick up to his, moaning out his name as you start to shudder. When you make yourself unravel in front of him, he doesn't say anything, but his cock bobs, neglected weeping at the head. 

You use your free hand to tug your shirt up, over your head. You spit into your messy palm, and reach up smearing both yourself and him against your breasts. 

“C’mon. Untie me.” 

Your eyes flick up to his, which are glued to your chest. “Beg.”

“No.”

“Then no.”

You shuffle backwards on the bed, and pat the mattress in front of you. “Move it, House.”

He rolls his eyes. “I’m a tied up cripple. Did you think that one through?”

You shoot him a look, and he sighs but shuffles closer until he finally lays flat against the mattress, head still propped up by the pile of pillows. You settle between his spread legs, placing a kiss to his thigh. “See? Wasn’t so hard, was it?”

He scowls. “I got rope burn from my own belt.”

“Aw, you poor thing.” You look up at him, doe-eyed. “I’ll make it better.”

Your hand dips down to the apex of your thighs and once more you smear your slick against your chest. You spit into your hand too, and massage your breasts, squeezing them. 

You lean down, until you’re positioned perfectly over his cock. It bobs at your attention, and you look up, grinning at House. He still scowls at you, but there’s an excited glint in his eyes.

You nudge his cock between your breast, and move yourself, back and forward. You have to find a good rhythm first, but soon you’re guiding your slick breasts up and down his cock. 

“Shit. Fuck, Newbie.” He gasps, and you bat your lashes up at him, quickening your speed. Soft, wet slapping fills the room and you moan quietly.

He groans, cock still overstimulated. You just let drool pool onto your breasts, squeezing them tighter as give him a tit job. 

You hear him shuffle against the sheets and you look up once more, still guiding his cock in and out. 

He looks like he could murder you, but sucks in a sharp breath. “Please, let me cum.”

You tsk. “You call that begging?”

He groans as you keep fucking him, his own weeping pre-cum making it messier. 

“Please, Newbie.” He growls, voice drawing out into a groan. “Please, fuck, make me cum.”

“You lose.” You say softly. 

He nods, desperate, cheeks flushed, stomach tensing. He’s close, wrecked after his ruined orgasm. He needs this. 

You take pity on him, and still your movements. He whips his head up to look at you, aghast, but he curses when you quickly straddle him, nudging his cock closer to your centre, and sink down on him. 

You sigh as he bottoms out, while he groans loudly. He’s big, but with how wet and ready you are, you take him easier this time. He stills nudges up against your cervix, and you feel so full when you sit fully down on him. You don’t have it in you to play him any further, and instead begin bouncing yourself on him. It’s not harsh, but his moans have a desperation in them that coil that feeling in your stomach once more. 

“F-fuck.” He gasps, cursing when you angle him deeper. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”

“Or vicodin.” You say, teasing.

He shakes his head, face scrunched up in pleasure. “You. It’s going to be you.”

“Yeah?” You breathe shakily atop him.

“Yeah.” He moans. “You feel so fucking good. Fuck, you’re such a good girl for me.”

You lean down, pressing your chest to his, kissing his neck softly. “Mmhmm. Just for you, House.”

“Just for me.” He growls, beneath you. At this angle, his cock nudges against that spongey spot inside you. Not having to ask for permission or be the one to beg, you hold that angle, fucking yourself on him, making his cock hit that spot again and again. 

He holds out well, but when you whine against his neck, and your orgasm rolls over you, clenching you against his cock, he lets out a loud groan. He bucks his hips into yours, and you sit back against him as he keeps cumming. He groans, and you feel his cock pulsing in you, throbbing against your walls. 

When he finally stops, he lets out a heavy breath, his chest falling and rising rapidly. 

“Fuck.” He says. 

“Fuck.” You agree, chuckling.

You swing your legs off him, his cum dripping out of you. You don’t care about ruining his sheets, and instead help him sit up, untieing him.

Even with his spend dripping out of you, and your slick smeared against his crotch, when his arms are untied he wraps them around your waist and pulls you closer, drawing you into a deep kiss. 

You smile against him. “Glad you’re not a sore loser.”

“‘M so glad you are.” He teases, lips tugging up.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Ugh I love how the Streetkid Chris AU shows his parallels and differences to Kauri so well.

I wonder if Jake may be expecting Chris to be a little more like Kauri, and how that preconception alongside Chris being a little older and having his pill dependency vs seeing the "statue boy" in the rain will change things. Jake is very nonjudgmental so I think he'd quickly adjust to taking him how he comes, but this is a much more guarded Chris than he's used to. Plus Antoni is clearly worried about him being in the home.

Also, from Anon: please forgive me for storming into your asks so soon after you've posted already. but i am sobbing please write a continuation for streetkid chris (if you want to)

Streetkid Chris AU: One | Two | Three | Four

-

CW: Brief references to dubcon, heavily internalized ableism, conditioned fear response, panic attack, meltdown with stimming that causes injury, head banging

The pills kick back in about halfway through Baldur fumbling through helping Kauri to create a bed from a pullout couch. He's had some water and a handful of crackers, in the kitchen. Kauri had pulled him into the living room and moved around the space like it was his own, pulling sheets out of a closet door Baldur hadn't even noticed yet, along with pillows that he dropped unceremoniously onto the floor before he told Baldur how to take off the couch cushions and then pull the folded-up mattress on its metal frame out. Like watching paper, he thought, that you've made snowflakes out of when you open it up.

The twinge of pain he feels when the thought comes to him makes him wince. He keeps smelling something in the oven that makes his mouth water for a familiar taste he can't remember. It's locked tight back behind the white lights in his mind, and Baldur tells his thoughts to swerve away as fast as they can, to make the pain stop threatening to take over.

He's lucky.

The pills are working.

His mind is moving slow, but it's listening to him at least. It's like syrup pouring out of a bottle onto a stack of pancakes, so slow your hand is shaking with impatience, waiting for the promised sweetness that doesn't come. He feels clouded over, wading through fog, but it's a comfortable way to be. It's being good, to be like this.

Like mornings spent lying in Sir's bed, staring upwards at the ceiling or maybe beyond it, without thinking anything at all.

It's easier, this way.

Safer.

"So, there you go," Kauri says, standing back with his hands on his hips. The couch has become a cozy bed, with a half-dozen pillows and four blankets piled up high. Baldur could sleep there for days, and as long as the pills kept coming, he wouldn't even notice he wasn't moving. "Will that work? We'll have to share, though, is that okay?"

Baldur swallows. "I-I don't, um-" No. No no no. Statue boy, he reminds himself. Good boys are statue boys. Silence is better than stammering, stillness is better than what I do. His fingers twitch, just once, and then the fog of the pills smothers his fears and presses them down. The prickling energy that bursts out of him when he's sober is safely held back. He pictures his racing mind running out of air, limbs slowing, lungs expanding just once more and then no longer. "I don't mind. I... don't like to sleep alone."

"Yeah." Kauri's face briefly goes strange, like it's been emptied-out of feeling. "Me neither. Never have. Alone is-"

"-bad," Baldur finishes, in a whisper. "No one wants you."

"Right. Yeah. They taught you that, too, huh?"

"No one wants you... then you're not real," Baldur says. He can feel his handler's hand heavy on the back of his neck, like a ghost breathing against his ear.

"... Shit. I guess even the worst shit was just part of the program, huh?" Kauri stares down at the couch-bed for one long moment of heavy silence, then he inhales sharply and laughs, empty and hollow. "We're just fucking dolls in the toy store for rich idiots to pull the legs off of, aren't we? All the same, come in the same boxes-... never mind. I'm having a weird day." He shakes himself like a dog shaking off water. "Just ignore me being weird, it happens sometimes."

"Yeah," Baldur murmurs. "Me, too. Happens... to me, too." Baldur hears an echo of someone screaming in his mind - maybe himself - but the stab of pain doesn't come. He manages to smother the memory before it can come together enough to hurt him.

Kauri takes a deep breath. "Okay, so. Weirdness steadfastly ignored, we'll just settle in and then when dinner is ready-"

The front door opens, and Baldur spins on his heels, hands slipping behind his back. Position One is thoughtless, effortless, instinctive. He always met Sir in Position One or Position Two, depending on the day. Kauri, though, doesn't slip into any position - he just smiles, wide blue eyes sparkling with a warmth Baldur has never seen in him before.

The man who walks inside isn't that much older than Baldur, but he's huge. Tall, and heavily muscled, built like the handlers who could pick Baldur up like a child and force him back against the wall or onto a table no matter how he kicked or fought, until he learned not to fight any longer. He has close-cropped ashy blond hair trending towards light brown, pale skin, and his own face lights up as soon as he sees Kauri, returning the sunshine looks they give each other.

It hurts.

Baldur's never had anyone look at him like that.

"Hey, Kauri," The man says, in a deep voice that sounds like the warm summer nights when Baldur sleeps out in the park and doesn't get cold at all. Then he looks over to Baldur, still standing in careful position, and some of the warmth fades. "Woah. Who's this?"

"Friend of mine," Kauri says, and he grabs Baldur by one arm and pulls him closer, careless of how he stumbles. Once they get close enough, Baldur can smell the tall man's cologne. It's a good smell, kind of woodsy. Not at all like Sir's, which would feel like it stuck inside of Baldur until it was all he could smell. "This is Chris."

"Hey, Chris," Jake says. His smile is back in place, but it's more polite. He holds out a hand, and after a delay, Baldur realizes he's supposed to shake and sticks his hand out. "I'm Jake Stanton."

Baldur catches the way his eyes drop, seeing the barcode on the inside of Baldur's left wrist. Nothing in his expression changes at all, but something of the fizzing tension in the air does. Baldur swallows around a tightness in his throat.

Those eyes are back on him-

Oh. Jake's eyes are blue, too. Like Kauri's but not like his at all.

"WRU, Facility 001, Designation Romantic 223499," Baldur says automatically, to the unspoken question he thinks he sees there.

"You don't have to do that here," Kauri says in a rush, putting a hand on Baldur's back. "It's not like that."

"It's... always like that," Baldur says. He thinks he sees interest in Jake's face, curiosity, and maybe that's who he'll have to give his body to, to earn dinner and the couch bed to sleep on. He can do that. As long as he keeps his mind untethered from his body, he can move his hips and arch his back and make all the sounds and drift inside of himself until it's over.

"Not here," Jake says, voice deep and gentle. He won't be so bad, Baldur thinks. He'll be slow about it, not like the ones who don't care if it hurts. He won't have to lie as hard to make it believable that he enjoys it. "You don't do that here." He turns back to Kauri, and it feels like light moves behind a cloud when his eyes are off of Baldur. "Where's Nat?"

"Up in her room," Kauri says, shrugging. "And Antoni-"

"Is here," The feline-eyed man says from the bottom of the stairs. Baldur blinks, then jumps - a half-second delayed. He hadn't even heard him come down, even though the stairs are creaky in such old houses. "I can talk to you about something?" Those dark eyes briefly rest on Baldur.

There's no warmth in them.

"Huh? What's up?"

Antoni pauses. "In my room, please, Jasha."

Baldur's heart chills. Even through the pleasant fog of pills, he can hear the coldness there. And he knows it's about him, he knows it. He's done something wrong, wrong enough to be talked about. Like handlers outside his door, talking about what he did wrong and what they'll do to make him sorry. He chokes on the fear of it - consequences hurt so much. He must have been caught swaying, or touching, or making sounds that are against his rules.

"... sure, Ant. Just a sec." Jake frowns. He leaves his sneakers on a mat by the door and follows Antoni up - the stairs creak when he walks up them. They're already talking in low voices that don't quite travel.

He hears Antoni's voice, a soft, Not sure it is a good idea for him to be here.

He did something wrong.

Suddenly, Baldur can barely breathe. His vision is blurs of color, shadow and light. His fingers twitch again, and this time they don't stop. His head is full of a crashing noise that even the pills can't hold back.

He's in trouble. He did something wrong. He's in trouble, and they'll come back down and ask, Do you know what you did, darlin'? And he'll have to guess, and he always guesses wrong.

The games are always rigged for him to lose.

You don't learn any other way, sweetheart.

His breath gets halfway down his throat and stops there. It's stuck, and he wishes he was so drunk he blacked out, or so high he slept for the next few days, until whatever he's done wrong blows over and they forget to punish him, or maybe just punish him but he doesn't remember it.

His heart beats so loud inside of him, blood rushing in his ears. His eyes go to the wall, and he can quiet the chaos inside him if he can get to it, but his feet are stuck right here to the floor. He can't. He can't, it's against his rules, he has to be good, be a statue boy, be silent be still but being still hurts so fucking much when he's scared-

Kauri isn't looking at him. He watches the two men go, thick eyebrows a little furrowed. "I wonder what that's about. Antoni can be so weird, sometimes, I swear-" He breaks off and turns, looking at Baldur. He must see something there. He must see the terror in wide green eyes, the white showing all around, in the way his fingers are shaking, how he can't quite stop bouncing on the balls of his feet with the need to get to a place he can curl up and hide, or hit his head on the wall, until the chaos quiets and he can think again.

The pills are supposed to stop this.

They don't.

"Chris?"

He flinches violently backwards when he realizes Kauri is right in front of him, has somehow moved without him seeing. Those long-fingered hands are warm, palms on either side of his face. Those big blue eyes are looking right at his, reflecting him there in Kauri's pupils. When he flinches, Kauri pulls away, and Baldur misses the warmth of touch the way he used to miss darkness when he lived always under white lights.

"Hey." Kauri's voice is soft, slow and gentle. "Hey. Chris, what's wrong? Talk to me?"

There aren't words. He can feel them, there are words, but they're trapped behind teeth on top of tongue. They shift, dipping beneath the surface before he can get his mouth around them. He can't use any of them at all. His hands move, shaking, to twist and pull at the hem of his shirt, but-

No-

Have to be still-

He can't.

He can't be still. He can't be the statue boy, the fear is too strong. And if he can't be still, he'll be in even worse trouble. It's a cycle, a loop of warm ocean water sucked up into the hurricane. It's ash blocking out the sun, killing all the dinosaurs. He remembers the dinosaurs. He remembers the asteroid hit the earth, and the planet was swept by fire burning everything that survived the strike. He remembers that his mind moves like objects in space, impossibly fast and dangerous, because it isn't allowed.

"Chris?" Kauri's swimming in and out of his awareness. He knows there are hands on him, leading him to the couch bed. He feels, distantly, the softness of pillows as his back rests against them. He knows as if staring from the top of a mountain that Kauri is speaking to him in a voice like the clouds rolling in far below.

He can hear other voices, too, but they don't make it through the haze of panic. It's derailed everything. The pills aren't helping, they're making it worse. He can sense the comforting warm blanket of being high just out of reach, and instead it's all terror, overwhelming, flooding the plain.

He knows his mouth is moving.

He can hear himself, tinny and small and from a distance too far to cover, saying, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, don't be mad, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to I didn't mean to I'm sorry, please don't be mad over and over again. He tries to be still. He hits his head on Kauri's shoulder and that strikes new terror, so he hits his head harder, then he bites - he buries teeth into skin that he only belatedly realizes isn't his when Kauri makes a sound of pain.

It's a cycle.

He's circling, he's a hurricane, his mind is dangerous and his body is wrong and it has to be stopped.

He can't stop.

He wails, half a scream that he tries to catch and pull back. The sound dips and drops, it becomes a low, wordless moan, over and over and over again. It rises from the person inside of him who used to exist before he signed his life away and they wrote a new him onto the body of the old one.

He used to be someone else.

He used to be someone better.

He used to make noises like this, before they made him stop. Before they made sure he knew that rocking - he's rocking, he feels himself sway forward and back, his fingers twisting and pulling at fabric, moving and moving to calm the rising chaos and violence inside of him - would lead to pain and fear. Before they taught him to take every pill he was given until his body was quiet and still and good for them, for the handlers for Sir for anyone who wants to fuck him or put a hand on his head and make him choke.

The thick clay shell they made him build up around himself, though, has gone brittle.

It shatters.

He rocks and rocks. He hears the sounds he is making like they belong to someone else. He feels tears, hot and burning as they track down his cheeks, cooling rapidly to drip onto his shirt, onto Kauri's shirt and neck when his face buries itself there. His sounds vibrate against Kauri's scarred collarbone. His fingers are gripped into Kauri's shirt now, holding so tight the threadbare fabric rips and his fingertips brush the heat of skin beneath. There are other voices besides Kauri's, but he doesn't listen to them, he can't listen to them or the fear will rise again.

Kauri is talking to him.

His chin is on Baldur's head, and he's talking, murmuring, "It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, I've got you, I've got you, honey, it's okay," over and over and over again. One hand is on the back of his neck, a gentle weight that starts him falling back down to earth.

He rocks with Baldur.

The hurricane starts to wear itself out, spinning and spinning but the wind dies down. He's falling out of the eye onto the ground. The noise inside his head is agony but it's agony he can hear over and around. He doesn't know how long it's been. The rocking is gentle, endless and soothing, and Kauri's other hand rubs up and down his back like-

His mother-

Someone he can't remember used to do when he did this, a long time ago.

"It's okay. You're okay. You're okay," Kauri whispers.

There are other voices, but Baldur can't hear them or he'll be a hurricane again. He keeps his thoughts on Kauri, on the rock of their bodies together, on the weight and warmth of someone holding on to him until he can come back down to earth.

The eruption stops, the flow of rivers bright orange and red and white with heat cooling to dark, solid, safe.

His bones stop burning, his head stops pounding with the noise inside of it.

Kauri is still rocking.

"I've got you," His low voice whispers, too deep for his delicate shape and size. "I've got you, Chris. Let it out, you're okay, I've got you. I've got you."

He struggles to remember how to make the feeling inside him into words, manages to whisper, " Don't-... don't go-"

"I won't," Kauri promises. His arms are tight and strong around Baldur's shaking, skinny body. "I won't. I'm right here. I'm right here."

"What the hell-" Jake's voice interrupts. "What the hell happened?"

"Why... why is he-" That's Antoni, who wanted to talk, who was talking to Jake about him. His voice is shaking, though, his accent thick and heavy. "Why he is yelling so loud-... you can make it stop? The-... screaming-"

Baldur stiffens.

Stop.

Silent.

Still.

Be good.

Good boys are statue boys, good boys-

The thought breaks apart when he hears Kauri's voice crack loud like a whip against the tile floor. "Probably because the two of you decided to go goddamn gossip. Get the fuck out of this room before I take a cast iron to your faces, you assholes."

"Shit." That's Jake, he thinks. Baldur hides against Kauri's neck until he can't possibly see their faces. The anger, the hate, how they'll be planning his punishment.

But then... footsteps.

They leave.

They go.

Because Kauri told them to.

"Let it out," Kauri murmurs, once they're alone again. "Let it out. Whatever you gotta do, you do it. I'm staying right here."

Baldur tightens his grip on Kauri's torn shirt and starts, finally, to cry. The last of the hurricane falls as tears when the wind dies, draining the terror from him to soak into Kauri's shirt.

"I, I bit you," He whispers, when the words are there. When throat and teeth and tongue work together, finally, to form them. "I'm sorry. I... I, I bit you-"

"No worries," Kauri says, right against his ear. "Didn't even draw blood. Trust me, you're not the first guy to bite - probably not even the tenth - and you won't be the last. But, just between us... I think you're probably my favorite."

Baldur starts to cry again.

This time, it's not a hurricane at all. It's summer showers, welcome warm rain soaking into a thirsty dried-out earth. He cries until he's emptied-out of the fear, until all that's left is hollow like cracked clay warming in the sun.

Like grass growing between dinosaur bones.

He used to know about that.

Someone who lived in his head did, anyway.

But he knows about it, too.

Baldur didn't.

But... Chris does.

-

[silvercap]

May I please have ❛ if i have to think about one more thing today, my head will explode. ❜ 💕💕💕

Hehe of course <3

(Prompts)

"In here!" Leon calls when he hears the door open, prodding at the scrambled eggs he's cooking for dinner. "I'm making you a five-course meal!"

He can hear the stomp of Chris's feet on the hardwood, an answering grunt just barely audible from down the hall. Leon frowns. It's not like Chris to be so quiet, but maybe he had a bad day at work. Leon turns to smile as he hear the rustle of Chris's footsteps coming closer---only to falter when he sees his husband clutching at the sides of his head with narrowed eyes, grimacing.

"Everything alright? Chris?" Leon asks, quickly turning off the burner and setting his spatula to the side. Chris says nothing, sitting down heavily in a dining chair, and Leon picks up the pace, wiping his hands and moving quickly across the floor.

"S'okay," Chris says through gritted teeth, lifting his head and flinching when the kitchen lights get in his eyes. Leon tuts, shifting to block them with his body. "If I have to think about anything else today, I think my head's gonna explode."

"Migraine?" Leon asks quietly, reaching out to rub Chris's shoulders when he nods. In the years since his injury in Edonia, it's become another challenge for them to deal with, the blindingly-painful, medication-resistant migraines Chris gets whenever the weather changes too dramatically plaguing him with no care as to what he'd planned to do for the day.

"Sorry," Chris says, to which Leon laughs.

"For what? Here, I'll get the ice pack. You okay to head to bed?"

Chris nods mutely, leaning in when Leon pulls him into a hug. They stay like that for a moment before he shuffles off towards the bedroom, and Leon follows after retrieving the new medication the doctor had prescribed a few weeks ago from the medicine cabinet. Chris is sitting on the bed when he enters their room, pants still on but unbuttoned, chest bare.

"Sorry," he murmurs. "Had to take a minute."

Leon hands him the ice pack and clean dishtowel to wrap it in, bending down to shimmy Chris's pants to the floor and helping him get settled on the pillows. He retrieves the wastebasket from the corner of the room and puts it beside the bed just in case the nausea strikes, then pops open Chris's pills and fills up one of the bathroom cups for him to wash it down with.

"Open sesame," Leon says, bringing his hand to Chris's warm lips. He hands Chris the cup, then sits back, patting his knee through the blankets. Chris swallows thickly, then sighs, placing the cup on the bedside table with a sigh. It's already dim this time of year, so he doesn't bother closing the curtains, merely standing up to press a kiss to Chris's temple. Chris's eyes are closed, now, his forehead lined with pain, and the sight puts a pang in Leon's chest. The medications have been helping, at least a little, but there's not much else he can do but wait it out.

"I'm just going to go eat, and then I'll come check up on you," he says quietly. "Need anything else?"

"Love you, baby," Chris mumbles by way of refusal, sinking back against the pillows. He covers his face with a large hand, and Leon takes the opportunity to slink back out into the hallway.

"Love you, too," he murmurs, and slips back towards the kitchen.

[irondiotallica]

Flare Up

I went a little ham with this one. Couldn't stop writing it seems, but here is a new blurb. It's def a little clunkier than the other one, but I like the idea of Steve becoming a physical therapist after everything and offering his services to the cute metalhead he's had a crush on since the upside down. Idk. Oh and fun fact, Times Square used to be the porn capital before the 1990s when Mayor Rudolph Giuliani shut it down to clean up the city. Anyway, enjoy the blurb! -Silas

[Steddie]

Eddie’s hip furiously blazed with a flash of stabbing pain. His joints had been bothering him underneath the scars left by the bats and their fucked up little teeth. The scarred flesh on his left hip was uncomfortably tight, pulled taut over his muscles and bones.

The damaged skin constricted his right shoulder, as though the skin would burst into a bleeding fissure with the tiny struggling breaths that Eddie was pushing through in labored waves. He was moments away from caving and taking a dosage of pills despite having agreed to take them less.

He felt as though his insides weren’t aware that he had been kept alive. It felt like his nerves had continued to decay turning into soaked cotton doused in kerosene with one little spark of discomfort able to render him incapacitated. 

Eddie shuffled to his phone with dread flooding through his system like an unprepared county during monsoon season. He knew that he had to call, but he was reluctant to do so. Even if he had been told it was no trouble, he knew it was more than it was worth.

He fidgeted, clenching his fingers around the coiled cord that connected the phone to the receiver. He dialed the numbers still imprinted in his brain from the day they had been hastily scribbled with a wolfish grin and intoxicating charm. The phone rang once, twice, three times, and Eddie began to put the phone back in its cradle when he heard a warm voice call out.

“Hello! This is Hawkins Physio Clinic, Dr. Harrington’s office. How may I help you?”

Eddie felt his face flush at the rush that hearing Steve’s voice gave him.

“Um H-hi,” Eddie coughed as he tried to clear the nervous lump from his throat,” Hey Steve.”

His words came out weak and nervous to his ears, he couldn’t imagine how it sounded to Steve.

Eddie could practically hear the grin that Steve was wearing through the phone.

“What can I do for you Eds,” Steve huffed out behind quiet chuckles.

Eddie tried to think before he spoke, but the words were flashing like the overwhelming neon signs that covered the porn capital of seemingly the world, Times Square. He continued to stumble through his words.

“Well, you said, uh,” his words were stubbornly refusing to come out of his mouth, thick with nerves,” you said if my joints were giving trouble, to call you.”

Eddie was not used to this. Asking for help was difficult and normally he wouldn’t ask, letting the issue fester, but he was dying. The pain was consistent and recurring. Somedays were good, but for the last week, he had mainly bad days filled with tears and laying on the floor praying for the pain to pass.

“I did say that. Are you finally taking me up on my offer? I’ve been told that I’ve got the magic touch.”

God, the cocky assurance in his voice was enough to make Eddie stand at attention in more ways than one, but another jolt of agony quickly snubbed that thought out.

“Fuck.”

It slipped past his lips before he could stop himself. His free hand gripped his thigh as he slid himself down to the ground waiting for the pain to pass. His breath was coming out short and a little frantic.

“Eddie, are you okay?”

Steve’s voice was warm and sweet like heated milk before bed as the cockiness dissipated, replaced with concern. Eddie wanted to answer, but the pain was crashing in waves and drowning him mercilessly. Still, he tries to answer.

“Ye-,” Eddie takes a deep breath in, feeling a few tears slip past his bottom eyelid,” Yeah, Steve. My nerves are just-”

Eddie breathes in again. He can’t stop the slew of pants leaving his lungs. 

“-misfiring. Just misfiring or whatever the fuck the doctor said,” he finally choked out, his voice tense and seizing with stress.

“I’ll be right there, okay? Just stay put.”

Eddie laughs at that although it comes out weak and soft.

“Where am I gonna go?”

“Oh shut up, you dork. You know what I mean.”

Eddie laughs a bit more before a groan leaves his lips at another jolt. He hears the click of disconnection and puts the phone down on the floor before laying on the tiles hoping for the chilly ceramic to ease the continuous, seizing torture. 

Eddie is still on the floor when a series of knocks echoes around him. Three rapid ones followed by four spaced out. Steve was here.

“It’s open,” Eddie calls out as he strains with tension.

Steve steps in and immediately heads to Eddie with graceful movements. Eddie looks at him through slitted eyes. Steve reaches down, pulling Eddie close, and murmuring sweet words to him. You’re so good, doing amazing, such a strong guy, so strong for me; flowing past his plush lips into Eddie’s ears.

A warm, secure, big hand grips Eddie’s hip as the palm presses down and drags his hip, resulting in a quick crack and Eddie feeling his joint loosen. Eddie pushed his face into Steve’s shoulder letting those hands massage his hip and the muscles surrounding it.

 God, Steve did have the magic touch, Eddie thought to himself with each warm bout of pressure. 

He let a sigh slip as those hands deviated to pop his shoulder before massaging the sore blades. He felt good, floaty in Steve’s care.

“There we go. Good job Eds. Always so good for me.”

Eddie feels his cheeks glow red as he tries not to think of the implications of those words. Eddie stays wrapped in Steve’s arms, comfortable.

“Thank you,” he stutters out with relief weighing his voice down.

Steve grins down at him with something akin to infatuation glimmering brightly in his gaze. Eddie couldn’t help but stare unabashedly at the pretty picture that Steve Harrington made. His warm brown eyes brimming with life. His little moles that were perfectly placed on his face as though planned. Those stupidly perfect, stupidly white teeth that Eddie had thought only possible in movies. Who could forget the hair? That stupidly styled mop of gorgeous mousy brown hair. Steve was stunning in Eddie’s eyes.

“If you really want to thank me, you could let me take you out this Saturday; see that new sequel to Alien?”

“You have the worst timing for things. Robin was right, you are a dingus,” Eddie teased, laughing at the way Steve looked away with a blush that went as far as the tips of his ears. 

“Shut up,” he grumbled out, squeezing Eddie just a little tighter. 

After Steve had finally collected himself, he looked at Eddie questioningly,” So? Are you letting me take you out?”

Eddie nodded with a grin, boyish and wide. 

Steve responded with a match grin and confirmation.

“It’s a date.”

[underratedandoverit]

Hello there!

i wanna request just..The best friends, Orange, the whole group just in a hug pile...for some reason I'm very soft when it comes to hugs

819 words best friends (orange cassidy, kris statlander, trent baretta, chuck taylor)

ssssoooo i may or may not have finally rewatched stadium stampede from all in 2023 and i still have A LOT of feelings about that match. so this takes place the day after that. i just wanted them all to be very sweet to the suffering little clementine 💜 i hope this is anything, enjoy!!

can be read as platonic or shippy poly friends, whichever floats your boat theres minor mentions of blood but thats about it, other than that its just friends supporting friends and fluff

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate

on ao3

---------------------------

Everything ached. Cassidy was awake, but refused to open his eyes, feeling the pounding on the side of his head, followed by the stiffness in his neck. Even trying to move his arms as he rolled to his side on the bed hurt, putting any strength into the movement made him feel like he was going to throw up from the sheer pain alone.

He was very aware how rough last night had been, both physically and mentally, but it had been such a long time since Cassidy had last felt it like this that he had almost forgotten how bad the pain was. Getting battered, bruised, and bloodied was one thing, watching his friends go through it as well mostly because of him was another, him shoving his hand into glass and getting cuts and blood everywhere was a whole another suitcase he didn’t want to unpack.

Cassidy winced a little at the sound of the hotel room door opening, even the quietest sound feeling like rumbling in his ears. Even the stadium he had performed the night before didn’t sound as loud as that in his head.

He wasn’t obviously going to get any more sleep so he forced his eyes open, it taking a second for his vision to focus, watching as a familiar looking hand lowered a small bottle of painkillers and a glass of water on the nightstand next to him. Cassidy carefully moved his head, eyes looking up towards Kris, who only smiled back at him as the pain was so obvious on his face she didn’t want to make it worse. He watched as she turned away from him, a finger rising on her lips, clearly shushing the other people in the room on his behalf.

Cassidy was thankful, but it wasn’t like it was going to make that big of a difference.

Without a word he slowly sat up, the painful moans and groans following every movement until he was finally able to throw his legs over the edge of the bed. He closed his eyes to steady himself for a moment, trying to push the painful headache away for at least long enough until he got something to relieve it in him. Reaching an arm for the bottle of painkillers was equally as painful, and Cassidy wasn’t going to lie if someone asked how he was holding up.

Barely.

He struggled for a moment trying to get the bottle open, followed by a defeated sigh as after a few weak attempts he wasn’t making any progress. As Cassidy was about to give up, another hand joined in, carefully taking the bottle from his hands, easily rolling the top of it open and pouring two pills out of it into the palm of his hand. Cassidy watched them, quietly, without a word popping them into his mouth before he was offered the glass of water. He glanced up at Trent, who only nodded back to him and continued to hold the glass for him even after Cassidy reached for it, making sure it was in much more secure hands than in the blond’s trembling ones, carefully tilting it so Cassidy could get a proper drink out of it.

Getting even slightly hydrated was doing him some good, but Cassidy had to admit he still didn’t feel much better. He knew it was going to take some time for the painkillers to kick in, and he just had to wait. Unfortunately for him he was an impatient one, but the soft brush of a hand against his arm soon caught his attention, Cassidy glancing over his shoulder back towards the bed, seeing the familiar face of Chuck smiling back at him as he carefully took a hold of the blond’s arm, nudging him softly back to the bed.

With a little help from Trent to try to help with his aching body, Cassidy was soon positioned in front of Chuck who was sitting up against the headboard, hands carefully running over the tensed up upper back of the blond. Cassidy tried to keep quiet as he felt the jolts of pain through his body, but little by little the hands carefully massaging his back were starting to have the desired effects. Cassidy could feel himself slowly relaxing, his breathing easier, the headache beginning to fade.

After a while the hands stopped, Chuck just steadying him a little as his arms wrapped around Cassidy’s midsection, pulling him against his chest. Cassidy didn’t resist, feeling comfortable for the first time in hours, even more so as he felt the bed shift on either side of them, more arms pulling them into careful, comforting hugs as Kris and Trent joined in.

There was a hint of smile on Cassidy’s lips as silence fell back into the hotel room, all of them just settling in comfortably in each other's arms. These truly were his best friends.

[shattered-reflections-au]

Fluffvember 10, Accommodating / "I've got you,"

--- --- ---

"have any of you seen Red today?" Blue asked, having done his third lap around the house's common spaces, still missing his boyfriend. Today was a Sunday, Red didn't have work on Sundays. He should be around the house.

"I think he said he was having a pain day." Vio explained, briefly looking up from his laptop. Blue frowned and shook his head, retracing his footsteps to the one place he forgot to check. Red's room. How had he forgotten about that?

It was raining this morning, Red's old injuries reacted to storms. they always teased him about his old man hips, Blue just always forgot the outcome of an actual storm brewing.

Blue walked right into Red's room, the door having been open a crack.

"Red, you okay?" he asked, immediately being greeted by a sobbing Red in his bed.

Blue rushed to his boyfriend's bedside. "woah, woah, woah, what's wrong?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

Red looked back up at him, eyes full of tears. "it hurts blue," he managed to get out before returning to sobbing.

Blue sighed, gently rubbing Red's belly.

"where does it hurt?" he asked, watching closely as Red pulled back the covers to point at his left hip.

"did you take anything for it yet?" Blue asked. Red shook his head.

"I can't walk, Blue!" he cried, "i can't walk and i have to do so many things today!" he ranted. "but oh Blue it hurts so much!"

Blue's heart stung, wanting nothing more than to pull Red in, taking all his pain away. One day, he vowed to give Elaine a piece of his mind for all the pain she gave Red. But for now, he was here to help Red.

"what do you usually take when this happens?" he asked.

"some ibuprofen, but it's usually not this bad," Red replied, sniffling, "i usually just try to walk it off and put heat on it."

Blue shook his head softly. Blue had watched Green struggle through many sports injuries. Never once had Green gotten better off of something that made him unable to move by just popping an advil and "walking it off"

"did your hips hurt yesterday?" Blue asked, the sudden memory of a limping Red flashing through his mind. Red suddenly went quiet, eyes welling with fresh tears again. "it wasn't too bad. I thought I could just... you know... Malana was sick I had to take her shift!" Red spat out excuses.

Blue pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a long sigh.

"please don't' get mad..." Red said softly, watching Blue's face like a hawk. Blue gave Red a tired look. "i'm not mad, i could never be mad at you for doing what you're used to. bending over backwards for others." he explained. "i'm mad at that bitch you used to call your mother." he added quickly.

Red looked down, fiddling with the tissue in his hands. "c'mon," Blue ushered Red to sit up a bit. "Lets get you some medicine." Blue walked over to Red's desk grabbing the bottle of ibuprofen off of his shelf. he pulled out two pills and grabbed Red's water bottle.

"here, these should help." he said, handing Red the pills.

Red smiled, taking them with a sip of water.

"lets get you somethin to eat, huh?" Blue asked, having sat back down on the side of Red's bed.

Red nodded, shifting himself with a wince and swinging his legs off the side of the bed with a pained yelp.

Blue deadpanned. "Red, what are you doing?" Red looked up at Blue with wide, teary eyes. "gonna get breakfast." he said. Blue stared at him for a second. "you just said you couldn't walk."

"Well, i mean, it hurts but like-" Red spluttered. "i can make it i think." he insisted. Blue stood up, arms crossed across his chest as he watched Red try to stand.

The second any weight went onto Red's legs, he crumbled.

"yeah no," Blue said, " "walking it off" may have worked when you were a twig bitch, but not anymore. you're heavier now." he explained. "let me help you."

Red rolled his eyes, lifting an arm so that Blue could be a crutch. Red was not prepared to be swept off his feet. Red yelped, unprepared to be completely in the air.

"BLUE." he exclaimed, grasping onto his boyfriend for dear life. "PUT ME DOWN IM TOO HEAVY TO CARRY!"

Blue rolled his eyes.

"i said you're too heavy for your hurt hip to carry, not for me to carry." Blue explained. "i think you forget i lift 200+ pound truck tires for a living." Blue kissed Red's cheek gently as he made it out the door. "i've got you." Red smiled, holding onto Blue and trying not to whimper when his hip was jostled going down the stairs.

---

"are there any pancakes left for my prince?" Blue asked his twin as he gently placed Red down on the couch, making sure there was a pillow under his knees. Blue kissed Red's forehead before meeting Green in the kitchen, tossing a heatable stuffy in the microwave.

Green pulled a few pancakes out of the stack waiting in the toaster oven, putting them on a plate for Red. "everything okay?" Vio asked Blue, Red having tuned into whatever was on tv already.

Blue smiled, heart swelling when he heard Red's sweet laugh.

"yeah, he'll be fine." he said. "we're just going to take it easy today."

[justmochi]

IN THE SOOP EP 3 BEHIND

pairing :: rosie x dino

word count :: 0.8k

synopsis :: rosie isn’t feeling good.

a/n :: italics are cut out of the episode and not in the final cut. hopefully this makes up for me not having anything to write for ep 3.

taglist :: @cafemilk-tea @cixrosie @moonlight-additions @cosmicwintr @astraw-astro @ateezjuliet @fromfreesia @succulentmom @kimhyejin3108 @enhacolor @multiplums​

Seungkwan and Rosie arrived back at the site after their jog. She felt a bit gross from sweating and also being in the rain for the majority of their run, so she showered as soon as she reached the lower house.

She had no idea why that during her shower, her stomach started to cramp. It may have been from her lack of exercise in the past or that her period was on its way. Even though she wanted to get out and socialize after, she couldn’t exert herself. She clothed herself, going straight from the bathroom to the bedroom. She tried her best to get comfy, propping up several pillows and setting her phone against one as she watched videos.

She was able to doze off and sleep the pain away but was awoken by Dino sitting at the edge of the bed and poking her forehead. She furrowed her eyebrows, groaning and covering her head with the blankets.

“Hey, we haven’t seen much of you today.” He smiled, patting her hip. Now she couldn’t even open her eyes, even the light peeking in from outside the blanket was making her head throb.

“My head and stomach hurt so bad.” She whispered, trying not to speak too loud to make it worse. He quickly adjusted his tone as he began to worry for her.

“Are you okay? Is it your period?” He ran his fingers over her wrist as she shook her head.

“It could be.”

He frowned, watching as she took the covers off her head. “Can I get you anything? Hyungs made food earlier and we kept some leftovers.”

“I don’t think I can eat anything. I’m sorry.” She apologized, feeling terrible for not wanting to eat the food that her members made. “I didn’t bring much. I don’t even have pain relievers.”

“I can go and check with Jeonghan or Seungkwan if they have anything. They usually have that stuff loaded.”

“Please.” She let out a big exhale, burying her face in the pillow as she wrapped her arms around herself.

“Of course. I can see if I can find a hot water bottle. Maybe that would help?” He offered some suggestions as he stood up, tucking the blankets in under her feet and making sure she was comfortable. “I could bring you some tea?”

She could only nod her head, trying to force a smile as he was on his way, turning the light off before leaving.

After a while, Dino came back to the room with his hands full. She tried her best to sit up, her head only pounding more.

He set the hot teacup on the nightstand, along with some pills. Before sitting down, he grabbed a water bottle out of his pocket and a sock.

She widened her eyes, pursing her lips. “Don’t make me laugh.”

“No, just wait.” He slid the hot water bottle into the sock and started swinging it gently. He snorted at himself as she covered her face with her hands, trying not to laugh. He pulled the top of the covers lower, pressing the new invention onto her stomach. He looked up at her for any indication that it may have worked. “Is it warm?”

She nodded, smiling at him endearingly. He grabbed her hand, placing it over the water bottle before reaching for the teacup and pills. “Jeonghan had some. The tea’s not too hot, just be careful.” He turned the cup so she would be able to grab it with the handle. He held open his hands as she grabbed each of the tiny pills.

She blew on the tea before sipping on it. She nodded her head at how good it tasted. He knew exactly how much honey she liked in her tea. She quickly downed the pills, washing it down with the warm liquid.

“Hopefully this will make you feel better.” He brushed his fingers through her hair, sympathy peeking through his smile as he looked at her. She nodded, taking big sips after another and finishing half of her tea.

“Come lay down.” She patted the free space next to her on the mattress. He couldn’t say no.

Turning off the lights, he went to the foot of the bed before climbing in next to her, sticking his legs under the covers and adjusting pillows for himself. He propped himself up with his elbow, watching her finish her tea and putting it on the nightstand. She scooted her body down on the bed, laying on her side and keeping the water bottle close to her stomach. Dino slipped his arm under her pillow, his other hand resting over her stomach and rubbing slow circles over it. The DIY heating pad and his gestures were enough to help her fall asleep again.

[irondad-defensesquad]

// TRIGGER WARNINGS - suicidal thoughts and suicide attempt (overdose).

this is really dark. i'm not in any danger right now btw, i just wanted to write this down. please take care, don't read this if the themes are triggering to you.

--

"hey, mr. stark. it's me again. how are you doing? how's the trip? you've been away for a couple of days now, haha..."

peter doesn't get any answer. he sighs.

"i guess my patrol hasn't been too bad. but school has been really stressing me out. sometimes i wish i could give up the decathlon too, but i already left band and a bunch of other things... i dunno, i don't think i can handle things the way i used to."

he stares at the night sky, listening to the whole city. it never sleeps and neither will peter.

"ned has been sick all week. it's nothing serious at least, but he needs to rest. and aunt may has been working so much, and i know that's my fault. i rarely see her now with all her night shifts. may still calls me and texts me, but it's not the same, y'know?" peter continues. "and i know you and happy have more important things to do, that's totally fine."

as peter says that, he starts tearing up.

"... i wish i could've told you to stay." he pauses. "that's really selfish of me, i know. you don't have to drop everything for my sake. i wouldn't want you to do that. i just..." he sniffs. "i miss you, mr. stark. i-i feel like i don't have anyone else right now."

he half uncovers his face so the tears don't make his mask gross.

"... you know when you come home and you don't feel anything? even after you had a good day or you didn't feel like shit all day? but then you get home and you see how empty it is... you wish you could disappear, somehow? because you don't want to go back outside, but you don't want to be home, either. there's nothing for you in either of them."

the emptiness is there, in peter's long silence. it's there with the lack of the other line. it's always there and it will be there no matter how busy peter may be, or how hard he may laugh with his best friend, or how happy he might be when he sees his mentor. because in the end, peter is not fulfilled. he will never be.

he can't stay home, he can't stay outside. where should he go?

...

"mr. stark..." peter gulps, despite the fact tony will likely not hear it. but he needs to say it before it's too late.

"... i love-"

you've reached the limit of voicemails.

even his phone is telling him to shut up.

peter inhales but he can't filter out his frustration. he growls and throws his phone to the ground. and it easily cracks in many pieces. oh great. how is he going to get a new phone now? how is aunt may ever going to pay for a new one?

he's sobbing violently in his empty room, his chest hurting and suffocating him. his cries echo in the lonely apartment.

he can't do this anymore.

he can't be alone anymore.

he's so tired.

peter has nowhere to go, like all the walls are closing around him, and he knows he'll get crushed and no one will save him, not even himself.

he needs to go. how? to where?

this pain is too much for him to handle.

peter wishes he could sleep. he hasn't slept well in days.

... he remembers tony left him some enhanced medication. not necessarily for sleeping, but they do leave peter sleepy. maybe if he takes enough, he won't even feel them and he can sleep for once.

peter just takes the pot of pills and he doesn't even know how many he grabs and puts in his mouth. he takes all of them in one huge sip of water. the effects don't happen in an instant, but peter can tell his mind is spinning and things are blurring.

he drops in his bed, knocking something over. it reminds him of when the effects of the spider bite hit him. he thought he was going to die then.

peter starts crying.

he's fading and fading...

and he couldn't even say goodbye to anyone. or "i'm sorry". or "i love you".

peter can only hold onto the blanket, the only thing he can hug right now.

what he would give to have a hug from tony now.

but tony is not coming, is he?

the black hole in peter is sucking everything in. all the light, all the hope, all the fear... there's nothing else left.

maybe this is for the best.

for everyone.

... he can vaguely tell his suit made a noise. he doesn't know what it is. and it doesn't matter anymore.

he's going to sleep.

he'll sleep now.

he'll...

...

[veroramona]

Hermes with female reader on her period please🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐😩😩😩😩😩

A/N: Ask and you shall receive, anon! I hope you'll like it! Also, important note at the bottom. Please read if you have a uterus!

Summary: afab!reader with bad period cramps and Hermes trying to help

Warnings: intense period cramps and pain

Tagging @http-rae, @hornyf0ckers and @lololagni <3

He always knows that you're on your period. Even if it may not be obvious to others, he is able to pick up the signs, no matter how subtle they are. Your face slightly contorting in pain, your arms wrapped around your abdomen, you being irritated more easily, and so on. He sees the hints you drop.

You lie in your bed, clutching your stomach in pain. Today's one of the bad days. You pull your legs up to your chest, wanting to ease the cramps at least a little. Hermes went out earlier to get the sweets that you've been craving so badly. You don't know when he'll return, but you hope that it'll be as soon as possible.

A faint knock and the door to your room being opened cause you to look up. There he is, carrying several bags full of different types of sweets. Hermes sees the way your eyes light up. A soft smile tugs at his lips. He closes the door behind him and walks over to your bed. He gently places the bags on the mattress before sitting down next to you. Only then do you notice another small package in his gloved hand.

"How are you doing, my love?" His soft voice has a soothing effect on you. He delicately runs his hand through your hair, making you close your eyes. His touch is always so... soft. Almost as if he's afraid of harming you in any way.

You tell him that the cramps are especially bad today. A frown makes its way onto his lips. He then opens the small box in his hand.

"I thought so. I have brought you some medicine to help with your cramps," he says and grabs the bottle of water on your nightstand. It's almost empty. He makes a mental note to bring you another flask later on. He gives you the bottle as you sit up and takes out a pill. He then hands you the small pill.

"It will have an effect in around thirty minutes, my dear," he speaks while gently stroking your hair.

"What else do you want me to do?" Hermes wants to make you feel as comfortable as possible. It pains him to see you in such a state. If he could transfer your pain to him, he would do it without hesitation. Tell him whatever your heart desires. He will do anything to make you happy. He will do anything to ease your pain.

Later on, he will suggest getting your cramps checked out. It can't be natural to be in such immense pain for a week once a month. But for now, he gently rubs your lower back as you lie back down on the bed. All you need right now is him by your side... and the delicious sweets he has brought you, of course!

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

A/N: Please remember that experiencing intense pain during your period is not normal! I recommend you go to a gynecologist that you trust deeply if it doesn't get better. You shouldn't suffer like that. Your health matters.

© veroramona. Do not steal, edit, copy, repost or translate any of my work on any social media account or claim it as your own work. If you find someone who does that, please alert me and report the account!

[amewinterswriting]

Fresh off the phone call with my doctor and I can report: I have polycystic ovarian syndrome! Woo! This isn't actually bad news, exactly - I knew it was very likely, given a family history and symptoms, and since I definitely don't want children, it's more a confirmation that what I was experiencing isn't normal and I shouldn't be expected to just 'deal with it' and that going onto birth control as a committed lesbian with a cis(ish) partner makes perfect sense.

Below the cut is frank and no nonsense description of menstrual symptoms. While not explicitly NSFW, it might be squicky or uncomfortable reading in public.

So, friends, Romans and fellow countrymen with uterii, here are some symptoms you might want to get checked out:

Are your periods irregular? As they might come earlier or later than expected, they might last for only a few days one month and then two weeks the next? You might skip the bleeding entirely but get other symptoms like mood instability, tenderness of breasts and cramping. You might get periods only a week apart from each other or five weeks apart from each other with no discernible reason.

Do you experience intense feelings of 'unexplainable' sadness or irrationality or irritability and then start your period a day or so later? You might chalk these episodes up to a kind of depression at the time, but over time you might notice a pattern of them only happening or getting noticeably worse pre-bleeding.

Do you bleed heavily during your period? As in, you only ever buy 'overnight' or '8 hour' sanitary products because if you used anything less absorbent you would bleed through them within an hour and stain clothing or bedding? Do you still somehow manage to bleed through an 'overnight' sanitary product despite putting a fresh one on before sleep and you have a graveyard of ruined bedsheets? Yeah, turns out that isn't normal and that's the one that really surprised me. You might also pass large clots of bloody substance (usually uterine lining that hasn't broken down properly but when everything is covered with blood, it's pretty difficult to tell for sure).

Is your pain while bleeding at a level that over the counter medication like paracetamol (tylenol) and ibuprofen at recommended dose and taken together still often doesn't eradicate the pain entirely, if at all. Stronger medication like co-codamol (codeine and paracetamol) may or may not help temporarily. You might experience the effects of any painkillers being short-lived, and you might have taken doses closer together than recommended (every 3 hours instead of 4, for example). You might have taken muscle relaxers like tranexamic acid with some limited success as managing cramping.

Is your pain so strong that it wakes you up as soon as pain medication wears off overnight? Do you have disturbed sleep (waking up at least once a night while bleeding) and struggle to get back to sleep again until the fresh dose of medication kicks in?

Do you naturally grow dark hair in places atypical of AFAB people? Facial hair and/or chest hair in particular. (Luckily I'm not all that concerned about my gender presentation - which is why I say cis(ish) - but I do find it funny that my beard grows the odd grey hair when I've never found any greys on my head hair!)

If any of this sounds familiar, it isn't normal and it's worth getting checked out. Even without POS, it could be something like thyroid not functioning normally, androgen insensitivity or any number of other things.

If you are going to get it checked out, a good doctor should recommend blood tests (and if not, push them for blood tests and describe your symptoms in as much bloody detail as you can). These should screen for all of the above. In my particular case, the blood tests were inconclusive because I was already taking progesterone to manage periods (highly recommend if you are able to take it - a daily pill, entirely stopped my periods after a couple of months and that's a fairly common use of it. It tends not to cause the erratic moods and unpredictable periods of estrogen-based contraception but do your own research) and that masked some of the hormonal markers of POS. (I would have had to have stopped birth control for three months to get more conclusive blood tests, which would have been nice to know before I had bloods drawn, so I could make that choice.)

If bloods are inconclusive (and possibly even if they are a strong indicator of a problem), you might be referred to get a transvaginal ultrasound. They will use an ultrasound device to get images externally (with you having a full bladder, like a pregnancy ultrasound you might have seen on television) and potentially internally, with a condom covered probe. They should ask you if you have any concerns about penetration, latex allergies and for your consent, and you may or may not have a chaperone/assistant present to check up on you and how you are feeling throughout. In my experience, it was awkward but painless, and I'd much rather have another transvaginal ultrasound than another pap/smear test.

Treatment options are limited with POS. My doctor did discuss his reluctance to recommend a hysterectomy with me, which is perfectly valid: it is a major operation with all the risks that involves, including anesthesia and proximity to other vital organs. There's also the long recovery period which would sign me off work for a period of time. We did discuss the fertility aspect briefly, but my doctor seemed far more worried about 'risks from complicated surgery' than 'you might want a child someday' and he readily accepted that I had already had the child-free conversation with my wife and we were both enthusiastically on board with never having children and had been for some time.

At the moment, I'm happy to continue taking progesterone, as it has entirely removed all my period-related symptoms with virtually no side effects (I feel like libido might be a little lower than it was and I might have gained a small amount of weight but both of those could also be lifestyle related changes). The only thing it doesn't stop is facial/body hair but that can be managed by usual cosmetic routes if desired. But this does give me the information to make informed choices if I do need to come off of birth control for any reasons (they do carry a small additional risk of breast cancer, and aren't suitable if you have high blood pressure or are prone to migraines and those are only the things I know off the top of my head that might result in me coming off them). But it's also just the confirmation that no, I wasn't being unreasonable about this, I shouldn't have had to 'just deal with it' for so long and I honestly wish I'd gotten the ball rolling on this years ago.

Another potential treatment for trans masc folks: testosterone does usually stop or reduce period symptoms, so that's worth considering and researching if you were planning to go on T anyway.

So yeah, if your uterus is making your life a pain and you don't know why, consider this your sign to go get it looked at, if you can. You don't have to live with it, there are potential options to manage and/or cure it, depending on what exactly you have going on. I won't lie, I had to drive a lot of this myself and specifically request that this gets looked at, and that was very difficult for a few reasons (I'm not comfortable with phonecalls, I've had to make and transport myself to all the appointments, I'm autistic and my mother isn't super fond of doctors or medication, so I've had to do this independently as an adult when this could have been picked up as a teenager and I'll probably always be bitter about that) but it has been so worth doing.

[idemida]

The Commander’s Darling | Chapter 3

Reposted from AO3

~ Summary:  

You are a poor young woman working in a tavern around some sketchy people and Erwin gets you out of a bad situation. He is immediately drawn to you and has to have you around, so he comes up with an excuse that he needs a secretary. Of course you say yes! After all, you need the job and shelter, and he is the only man you have felt you can trust in a long time.

You fall in love and lust for each other, but who knows who will give in first.

This is going to be more of a slow-burn, with little connection to the actual plot of the series, although it does take place in-universe. Some characters will be used for plot-points very different from the actual series.

~ Word Count: 3,699

~ Pairing: Erwin Smith x Reader 

~ Tags: slowburn; loveatfirstsight; lustatfirstsight; jealousy; pining

After Miche helped you out of the carriage, he offered you his arm to help you walk because you were obviously in pain. Once again, Erwin was angry at himself for not reaching you sooner.  Levi bade you good night and a quick recovery eventually, as you reached the corridor leading towards his room.

Erwin and Miche stayed with you while the doctor was checking everything. Erwin didn’t understand why Miche was still there, but he tried not to think too much into it. Maybe he was trying to be polite or maybe Erwin was missing the point, and it would be inappropriate for you and him to remain just the two of you. Perhaps, Miche was doing a good thing by staying.

When the stethoscope part came around, the doctor had to ask them to turn away. You were embarrassed for the infinite time that night.

‘Everything is fine, except the bone. It’s a fracture, but nothing gruesome. It should heal just fine in a few weeks, although discomfort may remain for a few months.’ The doctor said ‘You will need plenty of rest, but that’s about it. You’re very lucky.’ He then started murmuring as he looked through his medicine cabinet ‘Empty these in a cup with a bit of water.’ He gave you two small capsules of brown glass with some liquid inside ‘These will keep the pain at bay for 24 hours. They will also help you sleep, and most likely will make you drowsy. Then take these as needed. No more than 4 per day.’ He gave you a box, which you opened and saw was full of pills

‘Are you sure the lung is fine?’ You asked

‘Yes, there’s nothing out of the ordinary. I don’t know what the Commander heard, but the stethoscope does not detect anything of the sort.’ He then continued ‘Take around ten deep breaths every hour and although I said you need plenty of rest, it would be good to start mixing in the rest with some short walks after a few days.’

The doctor had asked you to lay down during the examination and now that he was done, you did not want to get up. The pain from all the movement tonight was too much for you. The sitting in the carriage, the getting on and now off the bed. Erwin could see from your face that you had gotten sick from adjusting yourself all the time.

‘If you want, you can stay in one of the empty scout rooms to relax a bit. Or…’ Erwin paused ‘You don’t have to leave until you feel ready. I know it will be difficult to travel for another hour.’

You were so tired. You hadn’t slept and the pain had exhausted you. There was also the post-anxiety and adrenaline exhaustion. You had to get to your cousin’s house, but that would be painful on its own. Who knows if your cousin will agree to take you in? It was unlikely she would be in a position to keep you without a job. You decided that it would be best to take Erwin’s offer of staying a bit longer, so you could at least have a few moments of rest before you become homeless.

‘Can I?’ You asked, holding back a yawn ‘I am kind of tired from the pain. I want to stay here for a little while.’

Erwin nodded and approached you to help you get up. Miche opened the door. 

‘I’ll go to sleep now.’ Miche turned back as he stopped in front of the threshold ‘I probably won’t see you before you leave, but I wish you a quick recovery, Y/n. Good night.’

Erwin was confused by him again, but decided to ignore it.

He walked you to the women’s area, holding a gas lamp to light the way. As you stumbled from exhaustion and pain you grabbed his arm to help you walk.

‘You know,’ He began ‘We have quite a few free female scout rooms. It would not be an issue to let you stay for free for a few days, even a week. Or more…’ Your mind was too exhausted to think about that now

You nodded instinctively.

‘I can’t consider it right now. I think I need to take those things the doctor gave me first.’

He nodded as you walked.

‘I’ll get you some water.’ Then he stopped abruptly ‘I have to run to get the key for the room. I’ll leave you in front of the door and then come back with the key and the water.’

You walked for a few minutes in silence. You were huffing in discomfort, especially because you had to walk down the stairs at one point. Your grip on him tightened and he loved the feeling that you were relying on him.

When you reached the door, he left you leaning against the wall. The few minutes you had to wait were excruciating. You wanted to drop to the ground and pass out. It wasn’t so much from the injury, but suddenly you found yourself burdened by a feeling of dread. You had nowhere to go. You were injured. Helpless. Your eyes started to tear up. Perhaps, you will have to return to Jan and run away later.

As Erwin returned to unlock the door you held onto him again to enter. He walked you to the bed where you immediately laid down, even though it was actually not made and you were still wearing your outside clothes and shoes. You left your sweater and the box with the pills on the nightstand.

The room was furnished in the most basic way: a wardrobe, a cupboard next to the door, a single bed with a nightstand next to it, with a gas lamp on top. It was still dark outside and you could not see the room perfectly, the only light available was from the gas lamp Erwin had carried in.

‘I can call someone to fix the bed.’ He said, but you shook your head

‘No. I’m too tired, I have to lay down right away.’ You stared at the ceiling, which had a few disorderly spiderwebs.

‘I’ll send someone to explain to your boss that the doctor said you should stay here for a few days.’ He was starting to prepare your medicine.

Your head shot up: ‘No. I don’t want to return.’ You half-whispered, and for some reason tears started to form in your eyes ‘I am not going back to that place.’

He paused from opening the capsules.

‘But what about your stuff?’

‘I’m just going to leave it behind. I have wanted to get away from Jan for a while now.’ You said ‘And I think this is fate telling me to take initiative.’

‘But where will you go?’

‘Please, can you pour the medicine in the cup? I really need it.’

He took care of it. Then he gave you the cup and helped you sit up. You gulped it down immediately.

‘Can I take your shoes off?’ He asked and you nodded as you were wiping your mouth

He was a bit confused as to why you were wearing two pairs of socks, but he did not comment. ‘And the coat?’ He moved towards you again, but you shook your head because the gun was there and you didn’t want him to see.

‘Did you leave, knowing you will never return?’

‘Yes.’

He smiled as he was turning on the gas lamp that you found on the nightstand. It added more light to the room, but it did not reveal anything more interesting. All you noticed was the flash of Erwin’s smile in the dim light.

‘You’re extremely impulsive.’ He said and you lifted the corners of your lips out of politeness. You didn’t say anything because you felt like he was disapproving of you, perhaps, because you were also disapproving of yourself. Instead, you chose to close your eyes.

‘I’m not usually like that.’

There was a slight pause. You heard him shuffling, and walking towards the door. You opened your eyes as he was leaving something small on the cupboard.

‘I’m leaving the key here.’ He turned back ‘I’ll let you rest now and I’ll send someone to check how you’re doing in a few hours. Maybe bring you some food. You should know that our food is not the tastiest.’

You nodded and closed your eyes, the last thing you heard was him opening and closing the door.

Suddenly you realised you were waking up. Somebody was poking your shoulder. As you opened your eyes and looked to the side, you saw a brown-haired woman with glasses dressed in the Corps uniform, poking your shoulder awkwardly with her index finger.

‘Oh! You’re finally awake.’ She beamed ‘I’m Hange Zoe. Erwin sent me to check on you and help you out.’ Your sweater and medicine had been moved from the nightstand and were replaced by a tray with some food on it. It definitely did not look very good and it seemed like there was enough to feed two people. There were two plates with two different types of stew, two servings of grey-coloured porridge that seemed to have already solidified and two servings of some steamed vegetables. The room was still dark.

‘Are you feeling alright?’ She asked ‘The doctor said it’s fine for you to sleep this long, but I was a bit worried.’ She then turned to the food ‘I brought you lunch, but you didn’t wake up. Did you ever wake up while I wasn’t here? I kept pushing you and pushing you-‘

‘Wait!’ You shot up and winced in pain. You had to reach into your pocket to check for the gun. It was still there, but you didn’t know if she hadn’t searched through your pockets while you slept. ‘It’s night-time? I slept through the whole day?’

She nodded.

‘You didn’t even wake up from the morning call, I assume?’ She asked and you shook your head ‘Kind of impossible to miss.’

You laid back down.

‘You want me to help you sit up?’ She asked gently and you nodded

She helped you eat by putting the tray on top of your extended legs and you had to raise the plates higher because leaning towards them hurt your chest. Unfortunately, the food was cold, but you were so hungry it was easy to ignore.

‘Did I miss dinner as well?’

‘Yeah. It’s almost midnight.’

‘Wow. You don’t need to stay. I’m so sorry. Please, go to sleep.’ You almost blushed in embarrassment ‘You must be tired from your day as a scout.’

She smiled back ‘I’m not that tired and unlike the others I can get up a bit later, because I’m more into research right now than training.’ You had no idea what she meant, but you nodded

You kept on eating on your own, sometimes forgetting you couldn’t lean forward.

‘Erwin said he wanted to talk to you.’ She spoke again ‘He was worried that you don’t have a place to stay.’

You were kind of surprised she spoke of him so informally. You thought the Survey Corps would be very strict and hierarchy would be important. You were also surprised by her chirpy demeanour.

‘I’m going to try living with my cousin.’ You said after swallowing your bite

‘How come you didn’t live with your cousin already?’

‘Why would I?’ You chuckled

‘Erwin said you worked in a sketchy area with some sketchy people. You must have been desperate before too, but you didn’t go to your relatives…’ She was looking at you so inquisitively, it was starting to make you feel uncomfortable. It’s like she was studying you, paying attention to each movement.

‘I was simply not desperate enough, I guess.’ You were breaking the crust of the solidified porridge with the spoon

‘Did you really shoot at a group of people at your workplace?’ She had a giddy smile plastered on her face

‘Yes. With blanks.’ You tried to smile back ‘From far away. I was kind of aiming for the stuff that was on the table. I guess the Commander told you everything.’ You chuckled nervously

‘No, Miche did.’

You kept on eating, but at one point she started looking around confused. She asked to help you remove your coat and instead you asked her to help you later to stand up, so you could hang it somewhere yourself. When you were done eating, that’s what she did.

‘This time I think I’ll lock the door as I sleep.’ You said, hoping she won’t think it’s strange

‘Sure thing.’ She said and prepared to leave ‘I’ll come knock on your door tomorrow morning hopefully you’ll be okay to stand up.’

‘I should be.’

After you closed the door, you locked it and hung your coat on the hook placed on it. You went to sleep after taking one pill from the box the doctor gave you.

The next morning, when Hange came by, it turned out Erwin had decided to join her. You opened the door for them, but it was half against your will because you felt self-conscious. You hadn’t had the opportunity to wash up or get ready at all. For some reason, the idea that Erwin might see you this way made you want to run away, and you hadn’t felt that in a long time.

‘Good morning.’ He said and you noticed a spark in his eyes, his stern demeanour from the night you met had evaporated ‘How have you been?’

You found yourself reflecting the same spark in your eyes. You couldn’t see yourself, but you could feel it. There was a special energy emanating from him, it was something powerful, but also kind and protective. Maybe that was the case, or maybe you were projecting these positive qualities onto him because you found him handsome. Now, in the daylight, without the stress and rush of danger, it was undeniable.

‘I cannot even begin to thank you.’ You said and you noticed your voice was shyer than you were used to ‘I feel like I would have died from exhaustion and pain if it weren’t for you.’

The corners of his lips lifted into a smile.

‘I was told you slept well.’

You nodded, looking up at him.

‘By the way,’ You began ‘I am not going to stay here more than another two days. You said I can, right?’

He shook his head ‘You can stay much longer. I was told you weren’t sure you had somewhere to stay.’

‘Oh, I do.’

‘But you told Hange…’

‘I only meant it will be difficult.’

‘Well, it is not difficult to take care of you here.’ He said ‘Also, I assume you will go back to working a similar job, and you won’t be able to for weeks, if not months.’

You looked down, feeling hopeless once again. This only confirmed that you would be tasked with convincing your cousin you will not be a burden to her. Chances were, nobody would hire you any time soon, and you would struggle to contribute anything to her income.

‘I can’t stay here for free longer than a week. I don’t want to be a burden to you any longer.’ You said this, hoping they would let you stay, but also dreading that their hospitality may be used against you some day

He reached for your shoulder: ‘Don’t worry, Y/n. Tell me, can you read and write well?’

You nodded: ‘I went to university, but I did not complete my studies because… Well, because my parents died.’

He kept quiet for a few seconds: ‘I’m sorry,’ he said ‘I also lost my parents young.’ You gave him a sympathetic smile ‘However, if you can read and write well, and you were educated, you could make yourself useful to me.’ You perked up ‘You could be my secretary. You see, the position was recently freed up.’ He smiled wide this time and as your eyes darted towards Hange, you noticed she looked confused, if not shocked ‘I will not ask you to move around much. You can even work from your bed at the beginning. Not now, of course, let’s give you a week or two of rest. The job will mostly be dealing with admin, checking through documents, summarising things, making me tea or bringing me lunch once in a while. I will bring the materials to you here, so you won’t have to carry them. On top of that you will live and eat here for free and have a wage.’

This all sounded too good to be true and now you were really starting to question his motives. He must have taken some interest in you to be so generous. It reminded you too much of your situation with Jan, a saviour coming to you in your darkest moment, followed by being overworked, underpaid and unprotected. It even sounded like an excuse to come into your bedroom in your most vulnerable state and considering the way he looked at you in the tavern, you were pretty certain his kindness was rooted in lust or some other kind of infatuation. And yet, you told yourself, so what? You have a gun. The idea of keeping the gun close reassured you in every situation. It made you feel invincible. If things ever got out of hand, you could always use the gun to get out.

‘I would love to work here.’ You smiled and noticed that Hange seemed to smile out of politeness, while Erwin seemed genuinely happy. They left you to rest for the rest of the day.

After lunch, Erwin, Miche, Hange and Levi had a meeting in Erwin’s office. They started by discussing the logistics and supplies for the next mission. At some point, Erwin announced he will have a secretary and that the secretary will be you. The room was quiet for a while. Levi raised an eyebrow and Hange pursed her lips, suppressing a laugh.

‘Yes, after all, the position recently ‘freed up’.’ She cackled ‘I wonder what the motive is to hire someone for secretarial work, with no experience, when she would be the secretary of one of the most important men inside the walls.’

‘What do you mean?’ Erwin asked, despite knowing exactly what she meant

‘A beautiful young woman.’ Levi said neutrally ‘Doing the work you have always done for yourself without difficulty. You could have just waited a bit and asked her out on a date. Saving her from that situation is all you would have needed to win her favour. Now you’ll be her boss and you can’t go out with her.’

Erwin actually went numb after he heard all of this. Firstly, because he was surprised how obvious he had made his attraction to you, and secondly because Levi described you as ‘beautiful’ without any reservation.

‘You’re both completely wrong.’ Erwin stated, and he was surprised by how calm and steady he sounded ‘I want to help her because I feel sorry for her. This is the first job I could think of, which would not require her to strain herself.’

‘Why are you two being so harsh?’ Miche intervened ‘Let Erwin live. If he has a crush on Y/n, it’s not a crime. Also, he is doing her a favour and it would be cruel to fire her now. Maybe her presence would serve him well.’

Levi grumbled: ‘What if she messes up important documents?’

‘I won’t keep her if she is terrible at the job.’ Erwin stated

‘Wait.’ Hange said pensively ‘What do you mean her presence would serve him well?’ She turned to Miche

Miche shrugged. ‘Having a pretty girl around might give him more of a motivation to come back. Make the missions less risky. Put some fear in him.’

The room went quiet for a moment, Erwin was bubbling with anger, and trying his best to not show it. It almost felt like Miche was trying to slight him, or remind him of his failures. With Erwin’s suspicions that he was also into you, this was almost too much to take. However, he had to compose himself and think about how right Miche was. He had established a reputation as a ‘devil’ for a reason, and it really was starting to come across as if he did not care about how many scouts died.

He had no intention to let you affect his focus on his dream, but for some inexplicable reason, he felt like he needed you around. He felt there was something special about you as soon as he made eye contact with you when walking down the stairs of the tavern that night. It went beyond lust, or attraction.

‘I’m doing this for her, not for myself. As I said, I feel sorry for her, that’s all’ He lied and his voice took on a more formal tone ‘I am not the one calling her ‘beautiful’, or ‘pretty’. Perhaps, you two are into her and you worry because I am hiring her.’ He turned to Miche in particular

‘Me?’ Miche looked around surprised and Erwin nodded ‘No, not at all. You can acknowledge someone looks good without being into them.’

‘Now that I think about it,’ Levi said ‘You never sniffed her like you do everyone else.’

Miche’s eyes shot open in embarrassment: ‘Are you crazy? I saw she was injured and surrounded by perverts. I wasn’t going to sniff her.’

Hange laughed at this and Erwin smiled, although he was still unconvinced that there was nothing there. Both Levi and Miche had noticed your good looks and were not afraid to state it. One thing was clear, Erwin had to give it his all to convince everyone they were wrong about his intentions. To avoid suspicion, Erwin would not be able to bring the documents to your room when you start work for him. He was going to leave that to Hange and spend as little time with you as possible, until you are able to work in the office.

[rubykgrant]

(more fun times with the Sarge interview, this time taking place during a flash-back to what happened after Grif went over the edge of the cliff!)

Before getting back to the bases, everybody had to stop and make camp. The shelter units weren’t big, but safe enough from the elements. The Blues were dealing with the headache of a sad Church-deprived Caboose, and Wash now being part of their team. Which was weird, but fitting. The Blues were weird (and not on purpose, like the Reds). Also, unfair. They kept getting every fancy special soldier that wandered by. Next time a Freelancer shows up, if they weren’t a huge pain in the ass, Sarge was calling preemptive DIBS!

Meanwhile, Grif was milking this injury for all it was worth… which, perhaps, was a little understandable. No broken bones, but lower-back pain could really stop you in your tracks. He'd also been trudging along for a few days, lasting a lot longer than it seemed possible for Grif, getting especially abused in the... crotch-region. He may have dragged his feet the whole way, but Grif was here, and he was officially hurt bad enough to earn some down-time. It was painful to see, surely more painful to feel. Simmons was stuck between trying not to make a fuss, and unable to stop hovering over Grif.

He kept shivering, even in his armor, like he was still cold… but it was also just nerves and twinges of pain making him wince. Instead of an actual bed, Grif had made himself a comfort-nest of blankets and pillows, and for once, Simmons wasn’t going to give him shit about how this went against regulations. Instead, he stood beside Grif, who was attempting to rest comfortably in a position that wouldn’t make his back WORSE.

“Hey. How you feeling?”

“Tired, hungry, and hurt…” Grif murmured.

“So, same as always. Except being hurt,” Simmons tried joking, and heard a small huff of laughter from Grif.

“Well, I can help with two ‘outta three!” Sarge announced, stepping into the little ‘den’ of the shelter unit that had become Grif and Simmons’ area. “Got some MREs, and some pain-killers. Here ‘ya go, Merry Christmas!”

“Gee. Thanks,” Grif replied sarcastically, tried to reach his hand out to take what Sarge was offering, then groaned. “Pain. Too much pain,”

“Here, I’ll- I’ll take them, I can help-” Simmons stepped forward, taking the small food rations and bottle of pills himself… but suddenly, his cyborg arm locked up. “Oh, shit, what NOW?”

“Hmm…” Sarge absentmindedly finished passing the MREs and pills to Grif, by unceremoniously taking them back from Simmons and tossing them into Grif’s lap (“Why didn’t you just do that from the beginning?”). “Simmons. This ain’t the arm I made for you. Is it?”

“Uh… well, no, sir! The thing is, um-” he tried to collect his thoughts to properly explain things before Sarge got offended. “When- when we got reassigned, the UNSC had me go through a physical, and the doctors insisted I replace the… very CREATIVE cybernetics you made, and use ones that followed proper regulations,”

“Well, no WONDER you lost ‘yer grip and lost ‘yer Grif!” Sarge exclaimed (and he completely missed the way both Grif and Simmons turned to look at each other, before quickly snapping their helmets in different directions). “This wimpy little cyborg arm is the problem!”

“Well, sir… they told me the one you made was, um. Too extreme? Actually, they specifically used the words ‘over-kill’ and ‘disaster waiting to happen’. I think they were worried that cybernetics with that much power would put excessive strain on my regular muscles,” Simmons said.

“Hmph. They just didn’t take into account the fact that I worked around that. These suits help compensate for injuries and enhance our own physical capabilities. I specifically designed your cyborg parts to ONLY have that very intentional over-kill amount of power WITH. YOUR. ARMOR. No armor, no over-kill. Just a regular arm for doing arm things, except made 'outta metal. Hell, you should’a noticed you weren’t accidentally brushin’ your hair so hard, ‘ya ripped it out! The cybernetics I made were FINE. Oh, well. This’ll give me somethin’ t’do until we get back to the base,”

And with that said, Sarge started removing layers of armor from Simmons’ locked arm, and once he could see the connections for the cybernetic shoulder, he took the whole arm off.

“AHHH! What are you doing!?” Simmons cried out. Grif made a confused noise, his mouth currently full (yet again, eating with his helmet on).

“I’m fixing your arm, Simmons! Next time I need Grif to help me with a plan that could potentially involve falling to his death, it’s YOUR job to catch him, just in case I don’t want him to die! Never know when it might be useful to have him around, and I can't waste my time finding somebody NEW who is both expendable and also understands all the ins-and-outs of Red Team. And knows how to crash vehicles just right. And knows how to answer incoming transmissions. If the plan involves purposefully sacrificing Grif, you’ll have a different job. And you'll probably need a fully functional arm, either way. Your leg too, but I'll get to that next. OK, time to over-kill and over-clock this thing…” off Sarge went, continuing to mutter to himself about adding new features, perhaps building in a mini rocket launcher.

Simmons stood there a moment, glancing over to his now literally dis-armed side, and slowly sat down beside Grif.

“I hate him,” Grif said, swallowing. No anger in his voice, just annoyance.

“I know,” Simmons said back, which was as close as he would get to agreeing with Grif while Sarge was potentially still within ear-shot.

"I mean it, Simmons. I officially want to file a complaint. This is a hostile work environment, and I am being mistreated by my boss. Find me some forms so I can send a grievance in to HR," Grif continued, hamming it up. If he could get all dramatic like that, with a hint of amusement in his voice, then Simmons wasn't too worried.

"Yeah, sure, I'll get right on that... because the totally real military operation we're part of definitely cares about us. I'm sure you'll get workman's comp, and some paid leave while you recover from your injury," Simmons went along with the bit. For a short time, when they were at Rat's Nest, he actually WAS able to put together forms like that, and a small percentage of them would actually be effective. He can't believe he misses anything about that place...

"Mmm, at least get OSHA up in here," Grif continued.

"They'd take one look at whatever Sarge does to our vehicles that makes the speedometers get stuck at 10mph no matter how fast we go, and have collective aneurysms!"

"God, you're right... and that isn't even the WORST thing he's come up with. Yelling SHOTGUN at me like that, and I just had to go and understand what it meant. Like an idiot. I can’t believe I went over a cliff like that. A fucking CLIFF. First I got thrashed by Washington, then thrashed by fucking Tex, then thrashed by Meta-whoever, and THEN tossed over a cliff… aw, shit. It even rhymes with my NAME,” Grif lamented, and Simmons found himself chuckling quietly.

“Don’t bring that up around Tucker. He’ll try to write a song about it,” Simmons warned Grif.

“Ugh. And then Sarge would sing it every day,” Grif sighed. “Asshole was really gonna leave me, and let me die-”

“I WAS NOT NEITHER!” Sarge suddenly called out, from somewhere unseen. Both Grif and Simmons made meek little noises of shock as they jumped slightly. “I WAS TRYING TO GET YOU TO PULL YOUR OWN WEIGHT! LITERALLY! I knew you’d find a way to hold on, and after all the heroics, I was hoping to see you pull yourself up from brink of death! It should have been our big moment of triumph, as Red Team! I even tried to motivate you with mentions of food! I waited and waited, but NOOOOO, you just had to hang around down there and whine until somebody came and got you! That was your one chance to look like a cool action hero, Grif! AND ‘YA BLEW IT!”

“Oh, whatever! I call bullshit on that!” Grif yelled back.

"Hush, boy! If you keep caterwauling like that, I might start think'n you ain't hurt that bad... and then I might suggest you just need to WALK IT OFF. ALL THE WAY BACK," Sarge said in a entirely too cheerful voice, letting the implication hang in the air.

Grif shut up with a frightened 'eep!' noise, and let the argument drop… the pain-killers were kicking in, and that feeling of relief was just plain BEAUTIFUL. Grif carefully scooted himself down, so he could lean back. Simmons watched him, a fond expression hidden behind his visor. When Grif seemed to finally get settled, Simmons helped pull an extra blanket over him.

[anotherfauxredhead]

The Post-Bisalp Diaries, Part Two: Survival Of The Tubeless

Happy Two Week Anniversary of me noping the fallopes!

When I was reading up on how others managed post-Bisalp before my own surgery, I saw suggestions like "take Gas-X for bloating", "use stool softeners so you don't 'strain' yourself", "have a heating pad for the shoulder pain", and so forth. They sounded helpful, and it was a good thing I had that stuff already on hand (for other reasons).

That said, here's what really helped me out during my recovery. ***DISCLAIMER*** Your mileage may vary, all bodies are different, and I sure as shit am no doctor or medical practitioner!

*Turmeric-Curcumin Pills*

It's what I first turn to when I get crap like PMS cramps or headaches. I do have ibuprofen on hand, but it's more of a last resort remedy for me. The ones I've been taking post-surgery are Gaia Herbs Turmeric Supreme, but I also have Terry Naturally's Curamin (regular strength) pills.

*CBD Stuff*

Thank goodness I live in a state where CBD products are legal to own. Tinctures and gummies, particularly the ones from Lazarus Naturals, have been a godsend.

*Probiotics*

I still took probiotics pre-surgery, albeit in food form (yogurt, sauerkraut, etc.) since I couldn't have supplements then. When I learned that I was given antibiotics during my surgery, I knew I needed to take probiotics later in the day; it's what balances out your digestive system after the antibiotics fuck with it. Maybe it could explain why, even if my appetite was reduced for the first few days, I didn't have bad gas. I took a high-dose probiotic (think the pills with over 40+billion cultures) in the first week, then, for the second week, went down to probiotics with no more than 25 billion cultures. And some low-sugar yogurt.

*Pedialyte Pops*

Like with many others who had a Bisalp, sore throat is a common post-surgery symptom. (It's the result of having a breathing tube down your throat during the procedure.) Though I had regular popsicles on hand, I ended up buying Pedialyte Freezer Pops as well as they also have electrolytes in them. And they're also fairly low sugar!

*Thrift Stores*

So I had to change up my wardrobe a bit for my recovery. A month leading up to my surgery, I got some jumpsuits, loose, high waisted pants with a comfortable waistband, slip-in shoes so I don't have to bend over and tie my shoes, and even a bed rest pillow in case I felt like a lazy-ass. Thanks to thrift stores, I got all that for a bargain. Who the fuck needs Wal-Mart?

By the way, because of my need to be active, and me fighting the fatigue during the first few days of recovery, I didn't use that bed rest pillow. I guess I may need it down the road, and it only cost me $5.

*Eating Low-Carb, Minimally Processed Foods*

Having been on Keto for the past few years, the diet has not only helped me shed blubber, but I've become more active from it. I can't say if eating low-carb/sugar-free foods and minimally processed foods helped my body heal quicker, but, save for the first three days after surgery, I never felt sluggish in my recovery.

*A Decent Landlord & Loan Deferments*

OK, forget the physical aspects of my recovery; it's the financial aspects that took the real beating. I'm able to receive Short Term Disability while out from work (I do not work from home and my job is very physical), but waiting for the payments have become a pain in the clit. I'm still waiting for them, and it just happens to be a holiday weekend right now. Just my luck! So, I like to give a shout-out to my landlord who was cool with me underpaying my rent for this upcoming month, and the few loan companies who I have accounts with that were able to postpone my payments so I don't go so broke to where I need to sell my sterilized ass on the streets for a few bucks. (Like, literally a few bucks--it's the going rate for old millennial ass.)

Also, a friendly reminder that just because one is childfree doesn't mean they got deep pockets. Some of those "I got to vacation in Italy last week 'cause I got no kids!!!!" posts you see on Reddit's Childfree subreddit are likely made-up as hell (it's Reddit, after all). Now that I think about it, I think I'm more of a WINK (What Income? No Kids) instead of a SINK at the moment.

A Few Things I Got/Have That I Didn't Need In The End...

--GasX pills (I was never really gassy, and they were the 99-Cent Store version as opposed to the name brand, so I didn't lose money on that)

--Shoulder/Heating Pad (others have suggested it, but I only used it just once and that was because it was a cold night)

--stool softeners (I think the probiotics helped me out with this one)

--ibuprofen (took it once and it fucked with me. I'm used to the 200mg pills, but 600mg per pill?! Fuck no!)

--prescribed oxycodone (didn't even open that shit)

And A Couple Things You Don't Need To Buy...

--disposable underwear (the hospital will provide you with as many pairs as you need. I never bled, thankfully, but I was still given a few pairs.)

--anti-nausea patch (another thing the hospital will give you, but only if you request it. I could've saved myself $6 from the pack of anti-nausea patches I bought on eBay! *punches air*)

*****

Again, what helped me out post-Bisalp may or may not help the next person in recovery. If there's one thing I highly recommend that will help the next person recover from a Bisalp smoothly, it's having plenty of money so you don't have to worry about financial shit like me.

**ETA: Tumblr told me this is my 100th post here. I'd celebrate but I also outed myself as a broke bitch in the post, so...

[pbandjesse]

Today was a good day. It was a very busy day. But it was very good still.

James wasn't doing great today. They were in pain for a lot of it. They still made me a bagel for breakfast. And I got washed and dressed and soon we were heading to work.

The car was all icy when we left. I realized James didn't put my lunch in my bag and I was a little sad about that. But it was whatever. I just wanted to go to work.

And it was a fun and busy day like I said. We werent sure what the turn out would be but it would end up being one of the busiest days I've been there for in a long time. Almost 150 people! It was awesome.

We did my first tour at 930. And it was fun. I had spent some time sewing before that. And I would spend any free time between tours cutting and sewing. I finished all the cut out bears I had and made three more totes! I did not get to finish the straps but I did get to talk to people about sewing all day and that was really cool.

My tours were great though. They would start small and gather more people throughout the hour. There was a very smiley man on my tour who was very sweet. And I had a great time.

I took a few minutes to catchy breath and get some water before my next tour. Aubrey and Kristen were both there today to do some group tours. And so I made sure it get out of their ways. Andy second tour started without issue.

I would give three full tours today. My last one had a family with some teens and they had lots of questions. They also had their grandfather and he cried in the garment loft! I felt so bad but my story really touched him and that was encouraging. I also wanted to give him a hug but his granddaughter comforted him and that was good enough.

I got applause at the end of my last tour and that felt great. Then they had more questions that I could only sort of answer. I am trying to spend more time looking into things I don't know. Like I can usually come up with an answer using my approximate knowledge. But I am making notes to expand on my tour and I think it's fun. I love learning. I love sharing things with others! It's great. I hate when I find out I was wrong about something. Like today I misunderstood something someone asked me and now that I understand what they meant I for sure gave them the wrong answer. I am sorry!!

I did get a lot of praise after. I went to hang out in the garment loft to work on sewing my straps and chatting with people and had a few people from my tour come and tell me how much they liked it and that was very gradifying. I also had a really lovely conversation with someone about teaching yourself hand skills and I may have convinced them to come to my workshop. I hope I did!! I hope lots of people come to my workshop.

At the end of the day I was in the print shop showing some kids and their parents how the printing presses worked. And then Stanley started turning the lights off on us. So I walked them to the front.

I got my stuff and went to sit with James while they finished their tasks for the day. And very soon we were in our way home.

Charlie got exposed to COVID so the universe is not letting us hang out. Which is fine. It will make them moving to New Mexico less upsetting. Because it's like nothing changed and when they come back to visit their family they can maybe come say hi to me too.

When we got back here I was really tired and James was very sore.

I took my knitting to bed and did the last two days. I had a snack and chilled with Sweetp. I watched tiktoks. James did some stuff in the other room, played video games. Eventually they went for a little walk.

I have mostly been chilling in bed. I took my second round of chemo pills. 6 this time! It's super weird. I have been tracking anything that I think could be a symptom. And just my general mood. I sort of deteriorated through the night but mostly I am just tired.

James heated up leftovers for me for dinner. And I would take a bubble bath. My legs were very itchy and hurty so the water was nice. And now we are in bed. I just painted my toes and fed the aquatics. And we are getting ready to sleep.

I am going to try to do a ton of cleaning tomorrow. I really hope I have the energy because I really want to do it and make the whole place for nice. So wish me luck.

Sleep well everyone. Wash your hands! Be safe!