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idemida · 5 months ago

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The Commander’s Darling | Chapter 8

Reposted from AO3

~ Summary:

You are a poor young woman working in a tavern around some sketchy people and Erwin gets you out of a bad situation. He is immediately drawn to you and has to have you around, so he comes up with an excuse that he needs a secretary. Of course you say yes! After all, you need the job and shelter, and he is the only man you have felt you can trust in a long time.

You fall in love and lust for each other, but who knows who will give in first.

This is going to be more of a slow-burn, with little connection to the actual plot of the series, although it does take place in-universe. Some characters will be used for plot-points very different from the actual series.

~ Word Count: 4,800

~ Pairing: Erwin Smith x Reader

~ Tags: slowburn; loveatfirstsight; lustatfirstsight; jealousy; pining

When the time came for you to be lowered back inside the walls, you promised yourself you will not have a reaction like last time again. Now Erwin kept his distance and the job of making you feel at ease was left to Hange and the squad-members that followed you onto the lift. It was easier this time, but you spent a long time looking at Hange directly to avoid looking at the surroundings. You held onto the railing until you felt the platform hit the ground.

Then you made your way back on the same cart and made small talk. Towards the end of the journey, however, you noticed everyone, even Hange became quieter. Perhaps, as the evening was drawing near the reality was starting to sink in.

When you reached the headquarters, Hange had become pensive and this was the first time you saw her this way. You felt like it was your duty to cheer her up and you tried, but you could tell that the smile didn’t really reach her eyes.

‘I’m gonna go to sleep straight after dinner.’ Hange said ‘I like to get a lot of sleep before expeditions because it makes me more alert.’

‘Alright. Let me know if you need anything.’ You placed your hand on her shoulder, and she reached for a hug ‘I can bring you some chamomile tea.’ You said as she squeezed you

‘No, it’s fine.’ She said ‘We’ll have a tea party when I come back. I’ll tell you about all of the new things I learned.’

You smiled at that, but your smile also did not reach your eyes.

As she left, along with her squad, you realised Erwin was still there, waiting for her to leave and when she gained some distance, he approached you.

‘Y/n, would you please spare a few moments?’ He said ‘I want to talk to you about something.’ You nodded ‘Follow me to my office.’

You complied and the walk to the office was mostly silent, the silence interrupted only by the sound of your steps. As you reached the door, he held it open for you and went behind his desk. You closed the door behind you and as you did that his head turned to you immediately. You realised he never intended to have the door closed, but he ignored it and bent down to retrieve something from the drawers behind the desk. Another envelope.

You felt your stomach jump as if you were transported back to the day the gun was found. You wondered if the envelope contained something else that could incriminate you.

‘I appreciate you never asked about this.’ He began ‘Perhaps, you didn’t feel comfortable enough to do so, but how could I leave without giving you your wage.’ He smiled as he passed the envelope to you and when you held it, it pleased you to find out it was quite full ‘By the way, I put your clothing allowance in there as well.’

You gave him a smile and nodded.

‘Thank you.’

‘I know I said it’s a clothing allowance, but please don’t spend it until I come back. It’s possible I won’t and you might need the money for something else.’

Now you nodded again and your expression fell.

‘I don’t know what to say.’

‘Don’t say anything.’

‘But I-’

‘No, don’t say anything.’ His voice was so low he almost whispered it

You stayed silent for a moment, your lips parted slightly, still wanting to continue speaking.

‘I just wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for me.’ You said more quietly and waited to see if he would stop you from speaking again ‘I really don’t know what more to say to show you my gratitude, but…’

‘That’s enough. You’ve said enough.’ He said and his tone was soft, so it was obvious to you he was not angry like before, just avoidant of the situation ‘I try to keep the nights before an expedition as any other. They’re not different from any other night. So if you didn’t feel the need to give me thanks two weeks ago, there’s no reason you should do this now.’

‘Do you also hate it when people wish you luck?’ You asked cautiously

‘No,’ He smiled ‘Luck always comes in handy. Sentimentality not so much.’

You paused for a bit and looked down momentarily, then you clutched the envelope tightly as you readied yourself to say what you planned.

‘Doesn’t it make you feel good to know there is someone out there who thinks fondly of you? Who’s hoping you will come back?’

His eyes widened slightly and you stood your ground, not looking away. Any man would be happy, but that is if he was an ordinary man, he thought. If he had to be the Commander and ask his scouts to give up their hearts at every speech, his heart couldn’t belong to any other cause. This is what he had always avoided. He did not want anyone thinking fondly of him and counting on him because they would be a liability for his own heart. He would have to worry if he disappointed them and if he did, it will end his resolve.

He realised in that moment he was already corrupted, and there was also no future for the two of you. He knew if he came back he would have to fire you and he promised himself he would find you another job and place to stay.

‘Naturally, I am happy. But the night before an expedition, all such words do is affect the emotions.’

‘Alright. Then I wish you all the good luck in the world.’ You said, your voice shaky from all the other things you wanted to say ‘What time will you leave?’

‘Early in the morning. It takes a while to reach Wall Maria from here and we need as much sunlight as possible.’

‘Are you not going to give me the exact time?’ You asked almost indignantly

‘Eight on the dot.’

‘Well, that’s not that early.’

‘A lot of the scouts cannot sleep the night before so I give them some extra time in the morning to pull themselves together.’

‘Well, I guess you’ll all assemble in the main quad and leave from there? I’ll wait there in the morning-‘

‘No.’ He said suddenly as if he was afraid ‘No send-offs. Just sleep in.’

You looked at him for a second, and he could see a drop of anger in your eyes.

‘Whatever you say.’ You answered, trying to keep your tone neutral. You figured the last thing he needed is you acting offended before he leaves ‘I hope everything goes smoothly. I wish you luck once again.’ You started to walk towards the door

‘Thank you.’ He gave you a soft smile, but in his eyes there was a pained look ‘Good night.’

‘Good night.’ You gave him a small, similarly pained smile as you looked back when opening the door

Of course, you did not sleep well. You tossed and turned in bed. The sleep was not smooth or dreamless, you woke up often, a few times in the dark and a few times in the morning when it was light outside. You heard the morning call for the scouts and you sprung up to get ready only to remember Erwin directed you not to show up. You honestly felt like it was a test. Who would stay away from the send off of a person they… Well, you couldn’t say ‘love’. But you did care about him. It seemed like he was set on you not showing up, and you did not want to upset him right before he leaves, especially if these were his last moments, so you decided not to go. You remained sat on your bed, contemplating whether you will try to sleep in as he asked or wait it out awake in your room. You decided to try and sleep, although it was difficult at first with all the noise from the scouts leaving.

After you woke up again, you stood in front of the mirror for a while, trying to will yourself to go out so you could get food. You really didn’t want to go out and see the buildings empty.

Instead, you dressed up for the day with your own clothes and you decided to go out and buy yourself breakfast. You walked through the square to the café Erwin showed you and decided to use your first salary to buy food. The walk was a bit difficult because it reminded you of the gun incident, Jan and the people from your past. You felt on edge, fearing Jan might jump out from somewhere or show up from the crowds of people, since neither you nor Erwin had checked what happened to Jan in the end. If not him, it could be someone else you both knew who had been instructed as to your whereabouts.

You went into the café and joined the queue. When you walked in you noticed the man at the till gave you a knowing look as if he recognised you. He was there on the day you came in with Erwin, you remembered, but you hadn’t seen him since. Once you reached the till, he spoke to you in a friendly manner but a bit too familiarly:

‘Oh my. You’re the woman who came in here with the Commander.’

Your eyes widened. You didn’t expect him to say that, nor were you sure why that seemed so important to him.

‘Well, yes.’ You gave him a polite smile. Surely that was alright to confirm. After all, Erwin wore his uniform when he came in.

‘I can’t believe how you made him laugh that day.’ He smiled and looked at you with a sweetness you could not understand ‘He’s usually more distant, more professional. So many ladies must try their luck with him, but whatever you are doing is working.’

You stood there, unable to piece a sentence in response. Your eyes were even wider than before.

‘Sir, why are you telling me all this? There’s really nothing between us.’ You didn’t want to admit you were his secretary, because who knows, maybe it could be used against you or Erwin

‘We get so many dates here, so many meetings between potential lovers. Me and my coworkers love to observe, you know. Cressida over there,’ He nodded towards a girl behind you wiping the tables ‘She’s quite a romantic, you know. We just love love.’ He laughed somewhat goofily

‘Well, you’re wrong this time.’ You smiled to hide your discomfort ‘We weren’t on a date and we weren’t meeting… Well, you get what I mean. I would like some-’ You started looking towards the food and he got the hint

‘I’m sorry, miss.’ He said awkwardly and then started packing up the sandwich you had pointed towards ‘We really thought it was something else.’

You smiled and nodded, trying to contain all your emotions. ‘Hey, it’s alright. But it really wasn’t anything like that.’

You just wanted to get out of there. Surely they had seen you come in again, buying food for two people. You tried your best to dress like a secretary, wearing Hange’s clothes. How could they not assume you were his employee? You were not sure how much of your conversation they had heard back then, but he pretended he was interviewing you.

‘Thank you.’ You said as you paid for the food and immediately turned to leave.

You decided to eat the sandwich as you walked through the streets, because the change of environment might distract you from your thoughts. You saw many different types of shops that day, most of them not really grabbing your interest, but you noticed it took a long time to find a seamstress. It felt like the closest seamstress was ten streets away, although you didn’t know the area that well yet, so you really were not sure. Some models of produced work were displayed at the window of the shop: dresses and coats, a formal gown and most importantly, an elegant, bright red office outfit. It looked nice, you thought, but the colour was too attention-grabbing. You decided, if Erwin comes back, you will return and ask for the same outfit in a more subdued colour, perhaps in the green of the Scouts’ uniform. Then you remembered you shouldn’t plan things in such detail, because anything could happen.

For the rest of the day, you walked through the streets, trying to find some distraction. It was so difficult to think of anything else. The only consolation was the blue, cloudless sky and the fact that the sun added some warmth on what was otherwise a standard autumn day. You thought perhaps that was good for Erwin, since it would be worse if the weather was suddenly colder or it was raining.

By mid-afternoon you realised you could have used this day to visit your cousin and tell her what happened to you, but now it was too late and your legs had started to hurt from the hours of walking you had done.

You got dinner from a restaurant close by, and you asked them to pack it up for you because you decided you will eat it in your room. Once you found yourself in your room, dread completely overtook you. It was so difficult to get the food down. When you were outside, your surroundings forced you to be strong and now that you were in your room with only yourself to perform for, your anxiety and sadness about the situation prevailed. You forced yourself to eat the food because you didn’t want it to get cold, but you had no appetite. The light from the window was starting to lessen and you realised it was sunset. The truth suddenly hit you and you realised you had never seriously considered the emotional toll your job could end up having on you.

You held your face in your hands, resisting the urge to cry. You weren’t sure if it was normal for them to come back after sunset. There were so many negative thoughts in your mind as you watched the window, and for some reason you could not look away, the orange light making you more and more emotional.

Later on, you left your room to throw away the containers and as you came back the chill in the air and the darkening sky resulted in a lump in your throat that you could not get rid of without crying. You weren’t even sure why. You sat on your bed in tears, admonishing yourself in your head that this was inappropriate because you never received any negative news. However, as you thought about it more and more you realised you were crying because this was simply not viable. You couldn’t work in a place like this and befriend your colleagues, knowing they might put themselves in danger. And what if your feelings for Erwin deepen? How would you recover if he died or if he was injured and changed forever. You couldn’t do it.

As you tried to sleep, Jan’s words echoed in your head. The scouts drop like flies, you remembered, over and over. You would fall asleep for what felt like minutes and then wake up or turn in bed half-asleep in a dream-like trance. In the dreams you would be dealing with Jan again, or old friends from your school days, or relatives no longer in your life and then as you woke up each time you felt like you were losing your sense of reality.

As you turned in your bed, waking up once more, you heard movement outside, laughter and women speaking. You thought these were remnants of your last dream, but as you sat up in bed, you realised there really was commotion outside. You realised the female scouts were outside, speaking to each other before they go to bed.

It was still dark outside and you had no idea what time it was, but you could not resist. You got dressed quickly and went out. By the time you left your room most of the women had cleared the corridor. You had no idea where to go exactly, but you ran to Erwin’s office. You knocked hurriedly at his door and as you stepped back to wait, you heard some noise inside your own office, noticing its door is wide open. There was also a yellow light coming from within. You ran towards it and as you looked inside, you saw Erwin’s silhouette standing there in front of the gas lamp illuminating the room. He was placing something on your desk, but the sound of your arrival startled him, and he turned around to look at you.

On the desk, you saw a vase, overflowing with purple, round flowers; the blossoms of which swirled around their yellow centres, now even brighter due to the yellow light that laid beside them. It took you a few seconds to recognise them to be asters.

‘You’re awake?’ Erwin asked surprised ‘But Y/n, it’s so late.’ And you saw some concern on his face

‘It doesn’t matter.’ You replied and smiled when you looked at the flowers again.

With your happiness from seeing him back, the gift he promised you, and a romantic gift at that, it felt so natural to give him a hug, or some sort of affection, anything. Surely, as soon as you see Hange you would embrace her, why should you not do that with Erwin who has done so much for you already? Yet, Erwin was also your boss and you realised it would not be appropriate.

‘I-’ You looked at him embarrassed, realising you were still smiling about the flowers even though you had not heard any updates from him about everyone else. He seemed fine, but perhaps there was something wrong with him ‘How are you feeling? How are the others?’

He smiled widely, which gave you an immediate sense of relief.

‘This expedition wasn’t very eventful.’ He took the vase back into his hands ‘This is why I had enough time to get these for you.’ He stepped towards you ‘They were the only type of flower that we could find, I’m sorry if they are not to your liking.’ He passed them to you and you took the vase from him

‘Thank you. They’re so beautiful.’ You said giddily, looking into his eyes, somewhat mesmerised. You were overwhelmed by the moment, the concept itself, of receiving flowers from the outside world, from the man you… Well, liked. No, highly respected. You still weren’t sure how to differentiate between the reverence you felt for him and your attraction to him. Then, confusion settled in as you were not sure what it meant for an expedition to not be ‘eventful’.

‘I’m glad you think so.’ He chuckled slightly ‘Are you going to press them as you said?’

‘What?’

‘Put them in a book and press them to keep them forever?’

‘Oh.’ You smiled ‘I want to enjoy them for now, so I’ll bring them to my room.’

You felt awkward because it seemed like this was your cue to leave, but you wanted to stay and talk to him.

‘I’m so glad to see you fine. Or at least you seem it. But the others, are they okay?’

He nodded.

‘Only three scouts didn’t survive this expedition, and I’m not sure you knew them because I’ve never seen you interact. Hange, Miche and Levi are uninjured. Most of the injured scouts’ injuries are not serious. We saw so many of our findings confirmed, and we managed to establish some consistency. Honestly, this expedition was a great success.’ He spoke firmly ‘I was even thinking of arranging some kind of celebration for the scouts and of course, you are invited.’

Your eyes widened at all this.

‘But what about the three that died?’

‘Well,’ He paused and it was obvious he did not expect the question ‘We’ll honour them, but the scouts need to savour this moment. Honestly, I know it might not seem it to you, but this level of success is uncharacteristic for us.’

You looked down, thinking of all the things Erwin was usually accused of in the newspapers. You started to wonder if it was true. You really did avoid reading the news about the scouts, but Jan did and he often criticised them or spoke of them with mockery. He often told you that the new commander is called a ‘devil’ and that he earned this nickname because of his disregard for his comrades’ lives. This disregard was supposedly shown through the risky plans he partook in. The memory of his words riled you up somewhat. What could the newspapers know of Erwin, or his character? You were not sure how Erwin could ever be called a ‘devil’. He treated you so well, he saved your life, gave you a job, his last expedition was known to be safer. Plus, his eyes hid such gentleness and softness. Surely he cares about others, you thought. It’s not his fault the outside world is so dangerous and so many people perish easily because humans are simply not built for it. He is just trying his best and he deserves to celebrate, you thought.

‘Where will the celebration be?’

‘In the dining hall, so we can fit everybody.’

At that, you smiled and nodded. He was glad to see some happiness and approval in your face because he did worry about whether you were judging him.

‘When will your next expedition be?’

‘The preparation for the next one will take at least a few months.’

‘Really?’

‘Why are you surprised?’

‘I thought you go on an expedition every month or every other month.’

He hummed in agreement, looking down.

‘You’re right, that is how I have done things so far, but my strategy has changed. I’ve decided to take a longer break in between.’ He spoke somewhat suspiciously, as if he was trying to hide something and at that you wondered if it was information you were not worthy of yet. You realised, he hadn’t even revealed how long it will take ‘Plus, the previous schedule was burning out the Scouts. They deserve a break.’

The happiness on your face became even more visible, your smile was tentative, but it reached your eyes and it warmed his heart in return.

‘That’s great to hear. I’ll go see if Hange’s awake.’ As you got ready to leave you turned back ‘Is the celebration going to be tomorrow? Or do I have enough time to buy some new clothes?’

‘No need to worry about that.’ He laughed ‘It will be next week or the week after to give the injured people time to recover. And don’t forget to sleep in tomorrow because you don’t need to be working.’

That night, you knocked on Hange’s door, but she did not reply. After sleeping in for the majority of the day you only managed to see her in the afternoon, walking with Moblit in the green areas next to the training grounds. She saw you and she screeched joyously, running for a hug to which you responded in kind.

‘Didn’t I tell you we will have a tea party!’ She laughed ‘I knew I’m coming back for sure!’

You nodded as you were hugging her. Then you hugged Moblit and followed them on their way to their department.

‘Are you two working?’ You asked ‘I thought people were having a day off today?’

‘Yes, but we want to collate all the information we have managed to confirm.’ Moblit said ‘And that has to be done with a fresh mind.’

‘Will I bother you, then?’ You stopped

‘No, come with us.’ Hange smiled and you noticed in that moment as the sun shined upon her how healthy and well-rested she looks ‘The more you understand, the better secretary you’ll be.’

You smiled and followed them to their office. You listened to their findings, somewhat horrified by the details. There were some attempts at sketching the titans, detailed descriptions and anecdotes added to the notebooks. As you observed all this, a scout came into the room and interrupted the conversation. She told Hange that Erwin was calling her in for a discussion, at which Hange excused herself and left you with Moblit, who allowed you to look through all the materials as much as you wished.

During their discussion, Hange and the others found out that the next expedition was postponed indefinitely.

‘What happened to the date we had set up for two months from now?’ Levi asked

‘It will be postponed, as I said.’ Erwin replied sternly

Levi nodded, but he was not satisfied ‘By that I mean, what is the reason for this sudden change of schedule?’

Hange smirked slightly.

‘There won’t be flowers blooming for a few months now, what’s the point of going now if we can’t bring Y/n flowers on our way back.’ She said

The room was silent after that, except for Miche’s gasp of surprise as he turned towards her.

‘Hange, you should have just let me answer instead of joking around.’ Erwin said undeterred ‘I’ve realised after last night’s success that we should change our focus. We could benefit humanity a lot by investing our power in building a base outside the walls.’

‘But such attempts were made and failed disastrously.’ Miche replied anxiously ‘How is this time going to be any different?’

‘We must spend a few months thinking about it, strategizing, learning from the past, gathering resources, support, new recruits.’ Erwin replied and his words truly convinced some of his audience this was something he had considered in earnest and it was the reason for the change

‘Erwin do you really believe it possible?’ Hange asked

‘It has to be done.’ Erwin said ‘It is time for us to have a real victory. We have enough information to make a viable plan.’

‘You almost managed to convince me it has nothing to do with Y/n.’ Levi murmured

Erwin’s face tensed up so much this time, the entire atmosphere in the room shifted. Levi expected his response, somewhat amused, sitting nonchalantly in his chair.

‘I will not hear another joke about this again.’ Erwin said ‘I told you many times, it is nothing like that and once should have been enough.’

‘Alright.’ Levi replied, but he knew that it was his suggestion of getting you a gift from the outside world that spurred Erwin to get you the flowers in the first place. This was now something that Hange was also reminded about.

Hange came back to the department around an hour later and you decided to go prepare some tea. As you enjoyed your drinks and chatted, you told her of your plan to get some new clothes before the celebration and she seemed happy at the idea of joining you to go to the seamstress.

‘I’m sure your life has gotten more fun now that you have money of your own you can spend.’

You nodded as you sipped from your tea cup, almost spilling.

‘But I plan on spending most of it on clothes.’ You said ‘I miss having more than one outfit of my own.’ You laughed

‘We could go out to eat tomorrow when you go to the seamstress. Enjoy life a bit.’ Hange said ‘Is that café that Erwin likes actually good?’

‘Oh, the place with the sandwiches across the square?’ You asked and she nodded, but she could see your expression fall ‘I had an awkward moment there recently, it’s better if we try something new.’

‘What kind of awkward moment?’ She asked, leaning in

‘They kind of crossed a line, in my opinion.’ You looked down embarrassed, wishing you hadn’t started on this topic ‘As I was getting my food yesterday, the cashier asked me about my relationship with Erwin. Insinuating it was something romantic.’

‘Oh.’ Hange feigned surprise ‘That sure is inappropriate.’

‘I don’t know how Erwin would feel if he knew these people actually keep track of him and who he’s meeting?’

‘Are they? You mean, almost like stalkers?’

‘No.’ You laughed ‘They just said they are romantic at heart, but surely he would not be happy. It might even lead me to lose my job because he sees me as a liability for his reputation.’

‘I wouldn’t worry if I was in your place.’ She reached over to rub your shoulder in comfort and then as she sipped her tea thinking about all this, she had an idea.

#erwin x reader #ao3 #attack on titan #erwin smith

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idemida · 5 months ago

Text

The Commander’s Darling | Chapter 7

Reposted from AO3

~ Summary:

You fall in love and lust for each other, but who knows who will give in first.

~ Word Count: 5,077

~ Pairing: Erwin Smith x Reader

~ Tags: slowburn; loveatfirstsight; lustatfirstsight; jealousy; pining

The conversation with Miche really affected you. After the distraction with the gun affair, it was a reminder of the worries to come.

You tossed and turned under the covers, your mind attacking you with different unwanted scenarios. Perhaps, Erwin will return from the expedition, but Hange won’t, and your recent memories of her will be all that remain, the accusations, the suspicions. Then there was the fear that Erwin will not come back. You were ashamed to admit that the thought of that felt far worse. You tried to convince yourself it was not because you were interested in him as a man. After all, he was so admirable, surely losing him would be a great loss for humanity, and you were part of humanity. Yes, that is why you were so worried. You admired him. It also helped that he did a lot for you. It was ridiculous to think you could be interested in him as man, especially because you did not know him. You had known him for such a short amount of time. Only three weeks. Just a short amount of time, that cannot indicate anything. You could never commit to a man in such a precarious position anyway. You were a sensible girl, you could never fall for a guy like that. You just admired him for his devotion to his cause and for the fact that he was willing to help you when you needed it. His looks are a separate matter, you thought, just because you think he is handsome does not mean you are attracted to him.

Then other negative thoughts flooded your mind. You realised everyone you met recently could easily never return, and they might die before you fully managed to make amends and show gratitude for everything they had done for you. You did not want them to die without fully clearing the air around your intentions and loyalty. Not that you could accept them dying in any other circumstance, but it felt more painful to think about how this could end up being an unfinished chapter of your life.

You somehow managed to fall asleep, but as you woke up you immediately found your heart thumping harshly against your chest. As much as you were worried, you felt like you had no right to be if the others were the ones who would be exposed to danger. You decided it was time to ignore any feelings you had on the matter and get ready to take on the day. You wanted to be as useful as possible. You also wanted to be as beautiful as possible, so you spent longer than usual on your appearance.

You went into the office with a smile on your face. You figured, the friendlier you were, the more likely Erwin was to not regret his decision about hiring you and keeping you after everything that happened. He was sat at his desk and as he looked up to welcome you, you noticed he had piles of papers around him.

‘Good morning!’ You chirped

‘Good morning, Y/n.’ He said, but his tone was far more neutral than yours. Not seeing your happiness reflected on his face chipped away at your enthusiasm

‘Is everything alright?’

‘Yes, I just had a lot more work open up.’

‘Well, I thought since you changed the route, I would find you happier than usual.’ You said ‘What can I do to help you with the work?’

‘Oh, this isn’t something you-’ The he stopped ‘How do you know I changed the route already? Hange really is fast.’ He chuckled

‘Oh no. Miche told me last night.’

He had no reaction to that, just a neutral nod. You stood in place awkwardly, holding your elbow as you stopped yourself from crossing your arms. The mood in the room was not as fresh and sweet as it was yesterday when you ate together. Since the atmosphere was so awkward, you felt the need to add something more.

‘We saw each other outside randomly and I asked him why he looks so happy.’

‘Yes, that’s a good question. I’m curious why he took the changes to mean we will be safer out there.’

You shrugged, still standing around awkwardly.

‘Let me think if there’s anything for you to do.’

‘But-’ You began and he looked up ‘I think Hange also thought the changes mean the same thing.’

‘Well, there are no secure routes. I don’t know why they think that.’ He scratched his stubble ‘I believe the changes don’t make much of a difference.’

You looked around as he read through something silently.

‘Then…’ You began ‘Why did you change the route?’

He looked up at you, silent. His eyes were difficult to read, on the inside he was full of apprehension, but on the outside, he seemed neutral, if not, negative. To you, it seemed, he was moody for no reason.

‘Because…’ His eyes darted downwards for an instant and when he looked back at you, all you could see was professional coldness ‘The truth is, at this stage, I don’t think you would be capable of understanding, and I do not have time to explain right at this moment. In short, we have not been down this route in a while and I want to see if there have been changes in the environment, titan presence and so on. Y/n, please do not get your hopes up we’ll return.’

You nodded, looking down. You were curious why his words seemed so much harsher than yesterday. It seemed like he woke up angry.

‘Please, come behind the desk, so I can explain how you can help.’

You did as he asked and looked over his shoulder. He asked you to look at the renewal dates for multiple contracts and to report back with a summary in a few minutes. As you took the papers from him, you felt one of the sheets cut the side of your index finger. You involuntarily gasped and flinched. He looked up at your face in confusion, only to see you sucking on the side of your finger. His eyes widened when you looked back at him. As soon as you made eye contact, you pulled your hand away from your lips.

‘I’m so sorry, that was so childish, but I got a papercut.’ You laughed and he gave you a slight acknowledging smile

‘I promise if there was somebody else in here, I would have acted professional. I won’t embarrass you. Well, not any further than I have already.’ It didn’t exactly help to remind him there was nobody else in the room right now. He wondered if your words meant you could tell what he was thinking. Then he realised you meant all the things that had happened in the past because your face seemed too innocent for any other comment.

‘Will you be fine enough to get me breakfast after?’ He decided he wanted you to leave him alone for a bit ‘Of course, feel free to get something for yourself.’ He pulled out some money from the inside pocket of his uniform and passed it to your non-injured hand. However, you noticed, this time he seemed careful not to touch you.

‘Yes, of course!’ You said, trying to fake some enthusiasm ‘Same as yesterday?’

‘Yes.’ He replied and you took the stack of paper, left it in your office and ran off to the shop to get the food

It took you around half an hour to get the breakfast and tea to him, and when you entered, Miche, Levi and Hange were inside the room. You greeted them all with a polite smile and walked behind the desk. There was so much paper on the desk, you did not want to risk placing it on there. He started clearing the piles away and putting them on the floor.

‘Man, it sure must be nice having someone bring you food whenever you want.’ Miche joked around and Erwin scoffed.

It seemed like Hange was looking to make eye contact with you to get some acknowledgement or friendliness. You obliged, although you felt awkward around the people in the room. Levi was his usual neutral self, barely following you with his eyes.

‘Do you need anything else?’ You turned to Erwin

‘I’ll call on you later.’ He said and you walked out

An hour later, as you waited to be called upon, Hange came into your office to see you.

‘How are you feeling?’ She asked and you wondered why. Perhaps, it was obvious to everyone Erwin was colder than usual. Or maybe he was finally putting you to work and being less nice.

‘I don’t know.’ You said ‘I am surprised by Erwin’s mood today. I thought since everyone else is happy, he will be too.’

‘Who’s happy?’

‘Miche. I told him Miche told me about the change of route last night and he seemed to think it was wrong to see the mission as safer.’

‘Well, Miche is the second strongest after Levi. It’s kind of expected he’ll survive.’ Hange said

‘What about you?’

‘I’m sure I’ll get lucky.’ She smiled, but you had a feeling she was just being humble ‘Anyway, I came here to ask you if you want to join us next week when we go up the wall. We usually do an inspection of what’s directly outside Wall Maria before we leave.’

You nodded instinctively. I guess she didn’t want to admit Erwin had put her up to the task.

‘I’d love to see what’s outside the wall. Yes.’ You smiled and she smiled back.

Later in the day, at lunch, you skipped the line and joined Miche and Levi at the table. You were so glad Miche was there, so you had someone approachable to speak to. You greeted them both and Levi only nodded politely. You still worried he might suspect you as Hange did.

‘How are you doing?’ Miche asked and you nodded

‘I’m good. How are you?’ You mostly looked at Levi ‘How are you feeling about the changes to the route?’

‘Can’t find a fuck to give, if I’m honest.’ Levi said curtly ‘I think most people are happy about it. I’m pretty neutral.’

It made sense, since he was humanity’s strongest, you thought.

‘It seems Erwin doesn’t like it. Although, the decision was his.’ You admitted

Levi smirked.

‘I think there were outside influences.’ He said and Miche raised his eyebrows, hiding a smile.

Then, Levi drawled on, not even looking at you directly: ‘Erwin likes creating more work for himself and acting angry about it. I’m sure he’s going to use this change as a reason to keep you in the office with him. There’s just so much work to do.’

You didn’t really understand why Miche was chuckling.

‘Well, yes, I guess that’s true.’ You said, at which Miche almost burst into laughter

‘What’s so funny?’ You asked and Miche shrugged ‘Is this about what happened yesterday?’ Levi looked at you confused ‘I know I did not apologise to you, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry about the gun, but I swear I’m clean.’

Levi nodded. ‘Don’t you worry about that. It’s not about that.’

‘Then what’s it about?’

Hange joined the table at this moment and the topic of conversation changed. Her presence only contributed more awkwardness. If it wasn’t for Miche, you might have died from embarrassment, but he made the conversation easier. The weird thing was, Erwin didn’t join you for lunch.

‘Y/n, I would suggest you get a tray for Erwin and deliver it to him.’ Levi advised and you nodded. ‘If he’s really busy, he forgets to eat.’

‘Oh Levi,’ Hange feigned a swoon ‘You’re too sweet.’ Levi scoffed at this and Miche chuckled. It reminded you of the earlier lunches you had with them. You were hoping that soon enough all lunches will go somewhat like they did in the past. Hopefully, with Erwin there too. Actually, you realised, first you had to hope they will come back.

You did as Levi advised. You got a tray and readied yourself to go into the office and have your enthusiasm curbed once again. You couldn’t knock on the door, so you announced yourself tentatively through the door. Erwin opened it after a few seconds of you waiting and took the tray from your hands. You were surprised by that, since you expected he would let you come in and set it on the desk.

‘Thank you, Y/n.’ He nodded, but even if he was neutral, his neutrality seemed cold to you

‘Is everything alright?’

‘Yes, why?’

‘You seem a bit…’ You paused ‘Have I done something wrong?’ You watched him place the tray on one of the cupboards on the side of the room ‘Last night, I thought you were happy with me, despite everything.’

‘I was.’ He said ‘I’m not unhappy. This isn’t about you.’

He lied. This was definitely about you. Last night, he impulsively decided to change the route to a ‘safer’ more familiar one, although there was no guarantee. He knew nobody could guarantee his return, but he was doing everything he could to ensure it. It made him irritated, angry even, that you were the reason for this. You had been in his life for three weeks and already managed to deviate his plans and his goals. He was sure everybody could tell, and he knew that for this reason people would doubt him. It was a prerequisite that the Commander of the Survey Corps has to be ready to give up his life at any given moment. If he allowed himself to get infatuated further…

He realised that over the past three weeks he was not himself, acting just as out of character as you were when you shot with that gun in the tavern. He had hired a person he did not need, and put that person above his responsibilities and goals. He could not imagine how bad things were going to get in the future if he continued. There was a part of him that felt like he was out of control. All of those years of missed chances, deprivations and discipline were catching up to him and fuelling his attraction to you. Perhaps, he thought, the best course of action would be to push you away somewhat and help you find another job.

‘Well, alright. I’m assuming you are not joining us for dinner?’

He paused for a moment.

‘No.’

But he turned to look at you as he could still feel you were worrying about something.

‘What is it?’

‘Nothing.’

‘No, what is it?’

‘I feel like after what happened…’ You began ‘Your presence at the table would give me more legitimacy.’

‘Right.’ He nodded ‘I’ll see what I can do. Now, I have some more things to attend to.’

Erwin did join the dinner table and sat opposite you. He seemed tired and irritated, but at least he was there.

‘What’s wrong, grump?’ Hange greeted him

‘Nothing. Why would you think there’s something wrong?’ He answered

All of you got the hint to not press him further. You all began to eat and it seemed like Erwin’s presence added tension. Miche seemed to be cautious about making jokes and because of everything that happened between you two, Hange found it difficult to look you in the eyes. Suddenly Levi turned to you.

‘Y/n, what would you like us to bring you from the outside world as a gift?’

You smiled wide involuntarily at the gesture. You were not expecting him to ask something so sweet. Everyone at the table looked at you, Erwin with a fake neutral expression.

‘Perhaps, a titan head.’ You said, earning Miche’s surprised laughter immediately. Hange and Erwin seemed shocked. All Levi did was widen his eyes slightly, but you could tell he was shocked too.

‘Titans disintegrate after they’re dead, so there will be no head to bring.’ Erwin explained, his face slightly pink from surprise.

‘We could bring a live titan though. For experiments.’ Hange turned to him and he raised an eyebrow

‘I think we are not ready for that just yet.’ He replied

‘I was hoping you would give a more humble answer.’ Levi said ‘Like a pebble, or some grass.’

You started laughing.

‘But Erwin said the outside world is the same as within the walls, so the grass and stones would not be very special.’

Erwin found himself irritated again because hearing his name from your lips excited him. Especially saying it when you smiled like this, all embarrassed.

‘I also feel like you guys would prank me and bring me something from inside the walls and lie.’

‘Grass it is, then.’ Levi said bluntly

You smiled again and heat rose to your cheeks. Erwin was once again unpleasantly surprised that the smile you directed at Levi bothered him.

‘I’m obviously just hoping you guys will come back.’ You made sure to look at Hange as you said that because you did not have the bravery to look at Erwin

Suddenly Erwin found himself strategizing if he could bring a titan in, as some sort of trophy for you to be impressed by. Naturally, with these thoughts in mind, his irritation with himself only increased.

Then, the days progressed normally. You did your work to the best of your ability, counting down the days until the expedition with dread in your heart. You rarely spoke of anything other than work with Erwin and his attitude towards you never went back to the warmth he used to show you before. He was mostly neutral towards you, but since you were used to him being warmer, it felt cold. He did join you guys at the cafeteria sometimes, but in the week leading up to the expedition, Hange, Levi and Miche ate and spent most of their time with their squads in training.

You started going to Hange’s department more, focussing on Moblit and the others during conversation to avoid the awkwardness you still sometimes felt around her. She told you that none of them know about the gun incident, so you felt fine around them. Although they made your days easier, you felt bad that you wanted to avoid getting attached to them just in case something happens to them.

You avoided talking about the expedition in any sentimental way, beyond logistics, contracts and the like. You tried to avoid upsetting people as much as possible and there was a part of you that thought Erwin’s coldness came from his fear of his potential death. You had no idea what he was like before expeditions, so that was a possibility in your mind.

On the day when you were going to go to Wall Maria, you shared your theory with Hange as you walked together to the cart that would bring you to the wall.

‘Oh no,’ She said with a slight smile ‘Erwin is not afraid of death at all. In my opinion, he is the most driven Commander the Survey Corps has had.’

Hange’s squad was going to share the cart with you while Erwin rode ahead on a horse.

Hange seemed to be bubbling up with excitement, which you could not believe because you could never imagine having positive emotions the day before an expedition. She was able to crack jokes and laugh, as if nothing seemed to bother her. Her behaviour almost made it feel irrational to be worrying for her sake. However, you realised from looking at the quivering faces of some of her squad members that this attitude was more beneficial.

Being on a cart made things less awkward since you were not stuck in an enclosed space with people, needing to make conversation. You could look around freely, feel the breeze and bask in the brightness of the sun. Although it was autumn, and there was a chill in the air, the weather that day was nice. Any silence was filled by the sound of the people on the streets, birds and wind, and that felt much more comfortable than your trip with Levi and Erwin in the carriage. Although, it did feel and look strange to be the only ununiformed person on the cart.

Later, you reached the bottom of the wall, and got off from the cart onto the grass. You searched for Erwin and as you found him, you realised he was already looking at you. The corners of his lips lifted in a slight smile, and he got off the horse to pull his gaze away. You then looked at the lift that was going to bring you up, realising it was not what you imagined. You started to question if it was truly possible for something so simple to not be blown away by a strong wind. There was no strong wind that day, but since you were ignorant of the details, you began to wonder if the breeze would result in stronger wind above and simply blow you away. Did you even have the capacity to keep yourself safe as these trained soldiers did?

‘I guess it’s time.’ Hange pushed you gently towards the platform by placing a hand on your back ‘Erwin, Rashad, Harold and I will come up with you. It’s going to be so much fun, I cannot wait to see your reaction.’

‘Do you think there are titans just outside the wall?’ You asked, your nervousness becoming more visible

‘Well, that’s what we’re here for. To check in advance.’ Erwin said as he approached you

‘I guess what I mean is…’ You rubbed your hands to deal with the tension ‘Do you often encounter them during these inspections?’

‘Honestly, yes.’ Moblit replied ‘But they’re not tall enough to reach the edge of the wall.’

You nodded and tried your best to look appreciative instead of full of dread as you were. Then you stepped on the platform and the rest followed. As soon as it was lifted off the ground you began to have regrets. The wires it relied on did not keep it perfectly fixed in place and that was a detail you had not anticipated. It did not feel sturdy at all, the closest thing you could compare it to was when you had gotten on a boat as a child and felt it roll from side to side as you moved around on it.

At least, the fact that the others spoke to each other normally, gave you some peace of mind.

As the platform began to scale up the wall and the houses that were once level with you became smaller, you found yourself feeling fascinated, but also frozen by a feeling of dread. You were not sure how or why, but your body started reacting in ways you did not expect. You felt trapped on that platform. Your breaths became shorter and shorter. You struggled looking beyond your feet, because the view of the small houses behind the lightly swinging platform was nauseating.

Your face had changed colour, and Erwin noticed you struggled to engage in conversation with them.

‘Y/n?’ Erwin asked gently ‘Are you alright?’

You did not look up from your feet. Your lips quivered as you thought about your response. They went out of their way to bring you here and do something nice. Something unforgettable that most people you knew couldn’t dream of. Yet, you were too scared. The platform stopped in place. You looked to one side and saw the edge of the wall. As you realised you reached the top, you glanced to the other side for a mere second and you felt your stomach sink at how high you were. Erwin noticed your hands shaking, while Hange was still blabbering on.

‘I don’t know how to tell you this.’ You continued looking down at your feet and swallowed the panicked lump in tour throat ‘I don’t think I can move.’

‘What? Why?’ Hange approached you

‘I’m…’ You lifted your hand from your hip and everyone saw how shaky you were ‘I think I’m afraid of heights.’ The hand was shaking so strongly, all it did was make you even more worried because you had never reacted to anything in this way before. Suddenly, Erwin’s hand enveloped yours and the shock of the gesture made you stop shaking immediately. You looked up at him and this was the warmest he had been in the past week and a half. His eyes were so kind, so gentle. For a fraction of a second he let himself rub the back of your hand. It was so soft, he thought, it made him want to see how soft you were everywhere. As he saw you struggle to breathe, he squeezed your hand and took you towards the edge of the wall

‘No.’ You halted ‘I honestly don’t think I can make that step across.’

‘It’s alright.’ He said ‘Just hold onto me as you do it.’ He pulled you but you shook your head, closing your eyes ‘Y/n, this is so safe, we even use these lifts for horses.’

The sudden mention of horses made you laugh and he used this as an opportunity to give your back a gentle push.

‘Come on.’ He said, smiling ‘I guess I’ll have to pick you up and bring you there.’

Upon hearing that, you remembered there were other people behind you. You decided to be brave, even if you felt like it was impossible. You stepped onto the wall first and he followed you, still holding your hand. You breathed out in relief, as you finally felt solid ground under your feet. He let go of your hand and immediately walked towards the other edge of the wall to inspect, which was something you could not dare to do yet.

‘I cannot believe it.’ Erwin turned back, facing the rest of the group as they stepped onto the wall ‘There are no titans in sight.’

The rest seemed to react in bewilderment at the statement, which showed you this was unusual. You tried not to let it, but it gave you a level of certainty they will all come back alive from this.

The platform then went down another time for the rest of the squad to come up. You looked at Erwin and you could see through his eyes he was beckoning you to approach the other side.

You took two small steps towards him, smiling in embarrassment. Then, you could not hide your awe.

The outside world was so beautiful, so green and lush. The greenery spanned as far the eye could see. The horizon had small hills in the distance and big leafy trees scattered across the grassy fields, which were already starting to change colours to orange and yellow in some places. The sky was cloudless, so the bright blue against the green overwhelmed the eyes with a natural beauty that you were not used to. You spent your entire life living in your run down neighbourhood and you rarely saw the countryside, so such natural scenery was rare for you and took your breath away. However, you noticed it seems to thrive better than what lies within the walls, and you wondered if the brightness of the sun that day was not adding an illuminating filter, making things look more beautiful than they were.

‘It’s so beautiful.’ You said a bit too quietly, and Erwin realised you were mostly saying it to yourself ‘I’m so glad you showed it to me.’ You turned to Erwin and you felt overwhelmed a second time. The way the light of the sun cast light upon him, made him look almost angelic. His eyes shone with a glimmer that made the blue seem almost supernatural, reflecting the blue background around him. You stared at him a little too long and you did not realise that he was looking at you, feeling the exact same way.

The lack of titans gave Erwin a reckless sense of confidence, he lost any sense of awkwardness or cautiousness.

‘Since you think it’s so beautiful, what would you like as a gift from the outside world?’

‘Oh,’ You laughed awkwardly, looking down at the edge of the wall, which caused you to take a step back ‘Nothing. I just hope you come back alive. I would never ask anything of you.’

‘But I want to bring you something.’

You looked up at his eyes and he seemed so determined, you realised you could not get away with humbly rejecting his offer.

‘Have you ever seen flowers on any of your expeditions?’ You asked and instantly regretted it. It was too obvious and too romantic. Too on the nose. But all he did was smile ‘Or some nice leaves from a tree. I was thinking, I could press them inside a book and keep as a memory forever.’

His smile widened. ‘Honestly, I’ve never noticed wild flowers. Although, I must admit I’ve never looked and during expeditions, there are a thousand other things to occupy the mind. I won’t promise anything, but I will try.’

You looked around and noticed that the Hange squad had distanced themselves from you slightly. You started to wonder if you were lucky that you could share this private moment together or if they had gifted it to you intentionally, since she said she wanted to see your reaction.

‘I’m sorry.’ You said ‘I know I told you I won’t embarrass you again, but I had no way of knowing I’m afraid of heights.’

‘Oh, I was not embarrassed at all.’ He replied, still smiling and the sun was only making his blush more obvious ‘Plus, it’s not like you’re a scout. This is not part of your job description.’

‘By the way, do you need me to do anything before tomorrow?’

‘Honestly, all of the work is done. You can rest for today and tonight.’

You nodded, looking down at the outside world again, noticing your heartbeat speed up.

‘Perhaps, you want me to get you some special type of food or something to help your nerves before you leave?’ You asked ‘I assume the night before is difficult.’

‘Honestly, for me, the night before is as any other.’ He said and although it was mostly true, he knew that tonight will not be the same.

#erwin x reader #ao3 #attack on titan #erwin smith

6 notes · View notes

idemida · 5 months ago

Text

The Commander’s Darling | Chapter 6

Reposted from AO3

~ Summary:

You fall in love and lust for each other, but who knows who will give in first.

~ Word Count: 4,300

~ Pairing: Erwin Smith x Reader

~ Tags: slowburn; loveatfirstsight; lustatfirstsight; jealousy; pining

Erwin and you walked back into the Scouts’ headquarters through the main gate. You did not dare to address him, until he spoke to you first. Your head was reeling with the tension from the recent events. As you entered the building, away from the eyes of the people on the square you started going through your pockets to see if the officer missed the gun somehow or if you had lost it. There were no holes in your coat, at least not big enough for it to fall out and you never really took it out of the pocket, so it was impossible that it was lost somewhere in your room. You knew you will not find it there and part of you was sure you knew who had it, or rather, who had taken it. Your suspicion was that Hange had seen it and decided of her own discretion to confiscate it. If that was the case, you were done for. You were not close enough to expect her to have your back and she was audacious enough to go through your coat when you were away.

As you walked through the halls, you realised he was leading you to his office. You followed him obediently, and he changed directions without saying a word. You felt tense, but he hadn’t exactly given you reason to. When you looked at him, he looked completely neutral. As you saw the door of his office in the distance, you also saw Hange, waiting in front of it. She was about to report you to him? As you both approached her, you noticed she seemed startled by your tense appearance.

‘Erwin, can I talk to you for a moment?’ She asked, and there was such a difference between her usual giddy tone and this grave voice she was using now

‘I won’t be free for a while, Hange.’ He reached for the handle and her hand twitched as if to stop him ‘What is it?’

‘I really need to discuss something with you. Urgently.’ She insisted, her voice low, even if you were right there and able to hear her

He turned towards you. He nodded away from the door, inviting you to move away. You both took some steps away from Hange and he whispered in your ear:

‘Go to your room and search for it. I’ll come get you soon.’

The next half hour was the most anxiety-ridden time you had been through. It was far worse than being injured. At least with the injury you could find some comfort in the fact that if you were to die, it would all be over. Now, if you were caught, you might get fired, imprisoned or punished some other way. You would have no job and die on the street. You would never see Erwin again.

If Hange was in there with him now, she was probably going to give the gun to him, so there was no way for you to lie. What if he was the one who went through your things? Maybe he had a second key to your room? Maybe he knew all along? You would just have to be honest with him and beg.

The gun was nowhere to be found, as expected. You went through the pile of books to see if she had actually taken one of them as she said she would. She hadn’t. So it was her. You had only known her for two weeks, how could you be so naïve and trust her for everything so easily. You grabbed your face in fear at the consequences, still beating yourself up for not being more careful. Then, as you sat down on the bed and looked at your skirt with the shirt tucked in, you remembered it was her shirt you were wearing. You immediately started unbuttoning it and taking it off.

Then someone knocked on the door and opened it just a bit, until you shouted their way.

‘No! No! Wait.’

‘Y/n, there’s no point delaying this.’ He said through the door

‘Just wait.’ You looked around for your sweater and put it on ‘You can come in now.’

He opened the door, confused.

‘What were you doing?’ He looked you up and down until he saw the sweater

‘I had to change.’ You nodded towards the shirt you had thrown onto your bed, but he obviously did not understand why

‘Come with me to my office.’

As you walked in you realised it will be just the two of you since Hange was gone. Erwin took his seat behind the desk and you cautiously walked towards the chair opposite. There were two windows behind him, but because it was so early in the day, the light had flooded the room and you could still see him clearly.

‘Sit down.’ His voice was so serious that you complied without being able to look him in the face ‘Did you find the gun?’ He asked you

‘No.’ You looked at your lap and felt a twitch in your lips, almost a desire to smile because of how ridiculous the question was ‘I assume that youdid.’

‘Y/n, considering the circumstances, I will obviously have to interrogate you.’

You kept on looking down.

‘You’re going to have to look me in the eyes as I am asking you what I need to ask.’

Your eyes lifted towards him and he saw the tears in them, but he looked back at you neutrally.

‘Did you really steal the gun from your previous boss?’

You nodded.

‘How? You were injured.’

‘I convinced Jan to give it to me to protect myself from you guys, just in case you turned out to be bad people.’

He did not react to that, instead he looked down momentarily.

‘And why did you take it? You were afraid of us?’

You decided to omit the distrust you felt towards them at first because you did not want to offend him.

‘As soon as you offered me a free visit to your doctor, I knew I’ll use this as my opportunity to run away.’ You spoke plainly ‘I never thought you would hire me or give me shelter. I thought I’d be on the street and I thought the gun might help me defend myself if I need to.’

‘That’s a big risk to take.’

‘I could not stay there anymore.’

‘I know. That’s why I was compassionate and kept you here.’ You felt such shame in your chest as he said that ‘Some would say that my compassion would be my undoing…’ He turned to the side and took something out of a drawer from behind the desk ‘I had no idea, and this was not obvious to us at the time…’ He put a big beige envelope on the desk, with something bulging inside. You just knew the gun was in there. ‘But the guns at Jan’s place carry a mark, that can be linked to Kenny Ackermann and his squad.’ He took the gun out and pointed at some scratches on the metal that were always insignificant to you ‘Did you know this?’

You were not sure if you could reply without your voice shaking.

‘Commander Smith,’ You whispered because you did not have the confidence to speak louder ‘I had no idea.’

‘Is it possible that Jan has connections to him?’

‘Anything is possible, but I don’t, I swear.’ You clasped your hands together to soothe yourself ‘I have never heard that man mentioned at the tavern. I have never seen him. That I know of. I told you already. It’s very likely even Jan did not know about the connection between the guns and that man.’ Your desire to cry was so palpable now that it was difficult for him to look you in the eyes

He cleared his throat and got back into his professional persona.

‘Kenny Ackermann is a force that works against me and the entire Survey Corps. He has set himself a goal to kill me and Levi. It is very convenient, that a woman enters my life, carrying a gun branded with his symbol.’

Your eyes widened.

‘I did not enter your life. You invited me in.’

There was a silence that you could not interpret. He could not deny that this was no true interrogation on his part. He asked each question, fervently hoping you will give an answer that is not suspicious. The thought you might be a traitor would destroy him because he was so invested in the sweetness he projected onto you.

You were right, and it was so embarrassing. He had invited you in because he let his feelings and lust cloud his judgment. He could not entirely say he regretted it. Since you were hired you ended the monotony that invaded his life. Going for each meal was exciting, seeing your expressions at the table, then thinking about it afterwards, wondering if you would look at him and smile the next day. There was also a part of him that regretted it because dating an employee is against the rules, so he had barred himself from consummating his feelings. If he used this as an excuse to fire you, perhaps, he could date you.

‘What did Jan say to you when he gave you the gun?’

‘Keep the safety on while it’s in your pocket.’

He raised his eyebrows quickly and you realised he was holding in the urge to laugh.

‘Is it possible it was something else?’

‘Like what?’

‘Use this gun to kill Erwin Smith when he lowers his guard.’

You scoffed. This time the anger took over your anxiety and it helped you express yourself louder.

‘Why would he send jealous letters and be upset that I have replaced him with you?’

‘Because maybe he kept an eye on you and realised you decided not to go through with it.’

‘This is ridiculous.’ You shook your head ‘It’s paranoid. Did you really think of it yourself?’

‘Excuse me?’

‘Did Hange put this idea in your head?’ As you saw the confusion in his face you continued ‘She is the only one who wasn’t there that night, so she doesn’t know how I feel about him. She doesn’t know the place I left or the situation. She didn’t see it with her eyes and if she did,’ The anger was turning into sadness ‘She would know I was never loyal enough to Jan to kill for him, especially the one person who was helping me in my time of need.’

He kept quiet.

‘You were there,’ You said with disdain ‘It’s a shame I have to remind you.’

Then you placed your palms flat on the desk and looked at him dead in the eyes, taking a pause as you gulped the lump in your throat. He perked up at the sudden pause because you looked so vulnerable.

‘Erwin…’ You said ‘Fire me, if you must, but don’t report me to the military police. Please. Please.’ You started crying at that point

You held your eyes with one of your hands, trying to hide your tears. As you wiped them away and looked at him again, you noticed he was looking at the hand that remained on the desk. His hand twitched as if he was about to take it, but you did not notice.

‘You know I won’t report you.’ He said and you shook your head ‘But you will not get it back.’

‘What will happen to it?’

‘That is not your concern.’ He said sternly

‘Are you going to fire me?’

‘No.’

Then there was a pause again. You gave a slight smile of recognition and nodded. You almost wanted to cry in relief, but didn’t want to embarrass yourself further.

‘Well, what did you have planned for me for the rest of the day?’

He looked down at the hand on the desk again.

‘We should go get breakfast as planned.’ He pushed back his chair and stood up

You walked through the square, making small talk once again. It seemed strange, he wasn’t saying much of substance, but his mood seemed lifted. It was different from the first time you walked in this direction that day and especially different from who he was during the interrogation. The first time was so stiff, but now he seemed to look you in the eyes freely and smile. You finally reached your destination, a place that you could almost describe as ‘quaint’. It was charming in a way a grandmother’s old house might be. You walked in and joined the short queue. There were four to five people in front of you, but there was no rush and the shopkeepers and the customers seemed unusually calm. There were quite a few empty tables both inside and outside. It seemed it was the sort of place people would go to relax rather than pick up a quick meal and go, but then again, it was way before lunchtime. Now that you started to think about it, if it was that busy in the slower hours, it must get crazy around lunch and you would have to come earlier to pick up Erwin’s lunch to avoid a bigger queue when he does ask you to come here again.

‘Usually, I like the one with the beef and rocket. This is the one I would be sending you to get if I do send you here.’ He gestured towards the sandwich display and you saw the one he meant. It looked really filling, you had to admit. The bread was seeded, the meat was layered on thick and it seemed like they had added some special type of sauce ‘The sauce is definitely the best part. I would recommend it to you.’

At that, you pursed your lips in a smile.

‘It’s pretty much a steak in bread.’ You said ‘I don’t think I’m the type of person that would have steak for breakfast. I would definitely like to try it for lunch though.’ You looked around ‘At some point.’

He was right that they had great lunch options. There were all kinds of cheeses, leafy vegetables, different types of bread, sauces, flavoured butter, creams, you even saw smoked fish. It was so rare to eat fish where you were from.

You made your choice and he treated you. The cashier passed you your sandwich in a paper pocket. Something you noticed was that the cashiers did not really pay him any special regard, so he either did not come often or he was not friendly enough for them to chat with him. As you moved away from the till you found a nice free table next to the window.

‘Thank you for the lunch.’ You said ‘I’m shocked that this is happening to be honest. I thought I would be fired and well, you know…’

‘It’s alright.’ He smiled and started unfolding the sides of the paper to bite into his food

‘Are the others suspicious of me now?’

‘Who knows?’ He said ‘Why are you assuming they all know?’

You rolled your eyes and he laughed. The sound of his laugh shocked you. You weren’t expecting him to be so familiar with you so soon.

‘Y/n, they’re going to be fine. As you said, Hange was the only one who had not seen your situation.’

‘Levi already hates me.’

His eyes widened and he laughed again.

‘Levi practically loves you. If he hated you he would not even acknowledge you.’ When he saw the doubt in your face he continued ‘He is curt with everyone. Even me.’

You ate your food in silence for a while, until you noticed he was about to ask you a question. His expression seemed so grave it worried you.

‘You know, I never interviewed you for the role. Maybe I should do that now.’

‘What?’ You looked up in terror, almost choking on your bite. His lips had lifted in a slight smirk, but nothing too arrogant. Surely he was joking.

‘What do you think is outside the walls?’

Your eyes remained wide. Was this some kind of philosophical question? Or did he want an account of the little you had read in the papers and heard from gossip? The outside world was horrific, as far as you had heard. It was full of danger that an ordinary human like you could not overcome. However, you actually knew nothing about its appearance. You were not sure if it’s a wasteland or grassy, if it had trees, or if it resembled the nature within the walls at all. It was possible it looked like nothing you’ve ever seen.

‘The only thing I’m sure about is the titans.’ You tried to keep the answer safe. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself by fantasising about what it might look like. He smiled gently at your answer and then continued.

‘What else? Do you think there is nothing apart from titans?’

‘Have you found other things?’

‘You tell me what you think.’

‘I think there could be other walled humans like us that we don’t know about. Too far for you to reach them on your expeditions.’

His eyebrows twitched in surprise.

‘You think so?’

‘Maybe it’s dumb.’ You shrugged and bit into your sandwich

‘Have you ever seen a titan?’ He asked and you shook your head as you were chewing

‘They look pretty much human.’ He explained and you suddenly stopped eating ‘They’re giant men. We have never seen a female titan.’

Suddenly, your eyebrows came up so high, he became really curious about your response. You started smiling and had to hide your smile because you weren’t finished with your bite.

‘Hange is such a pervert. She told me she finds them fascinating and can spend all day thinking about them. Now I can see why.’

He began laughing. The most true, roaring laughter you had ever heard from him. Some people at the bakery actually turned around to look and there was a part of you that felt so accomplished that you had managed to get such a reaction out of him. His face flushed red from it all.

‘They don’t have human reproductive parts though. I don’t think she’s that perverted.’

‘Hange is shameless.’ You shrugged, pursing your lips. Not only in that regard, you thought. She had gone through your things, after all.

‘Y/n!’ He scolded you through the laugher that remained and you relented

‘What do you think about that? That they’re all male.’

‘Whoever made them, obviously decided they only want to make male ones.’ You continued eating

‘You think they’re made?’

‘I think it’s possible.’ You said ‘I mean I am just making this stuff up. Of course, you know better than me.’

‘I don’t.’ He said and you looked up at him in shock ‘The outside world is the biggest mystery for me. With all the access to information from previous commanders and my own findings, I have not gotten close to understanding it.’

Upon learning that, you didn’t want to upset him by asking him if he really thinks it’s worth it. You were on thin ice, so you decided to pause that thought for now.

‘What does the outside world look like?’ You asked

‘It has the same flora and fauna as the world within the walls. The same grass and trees. Of course, most of it is unexplored, so it’s possible we simply have not seen things that are new to us.’

‘There really is no difference?’

‘No.’

‘Have you eaten ‘outside world’ food?’

‘No.’

‘Good. Maybe it’s poisonous.’ You said and when you saw his confusion you decided to clarify ‘Maybe it’s not suitable for us.’

‘Interesting.’

You shrugged.

‘You could definitely work in Hange’s department for the brainstorming activities. You have the open-mindedness for it.’

Your face stiffened at that.

‘You’re just trying to push us together again.’ You said coldly ‘She was being fake to me this entire time. She wouldn’t trust me for anything.’

‘That’s not true. I’m sure you two will be friends again.’

‘We only knew each other for two weeks. We weren’t friends.’ Your irritation started bubbling up, but you had decided to stop speaking too late. You knew what you said reflected badly on you. After all, you did appear incredibly suspicious for having that gun, and it was not out of question that you could have connections to that Kenny guy since the tavern was apparently within the area he frequents.

‘Hange is a lovely person.’ Erwin said ‘I can assure you she was not being fake to you. She just had some suspicions about you because of how fast I hired you and the place you came from.’

You nodded to appease him.

‘Tell you what, are you interested in seeing the outside world?’

‘Absolutely not.’ You laughed. Just the thought caused your heart to race.

‘Y/n, I don’t mean go out. I mean climb up on the walls.’

‘Ooh.’ A spark appeared in your eyes ‘I’ve always wanted that.’ You chuckled in slight embarrassment ‘But why are you asking about that now?’

‘Me and Hange can take you up the wall.’ He said ‘It would be a good way to get you two talking again. She will talk your ear off.’

‘If my boss thinks that’s for the best, then what can I say.’ You shrugged with a slight smirk ‘But you better not leave me alone with her.’

‘I won’t.’ He said this so firmly it made you pause. You looked up at him in momentary confusion. For a second he thought he had revealed his true intentions, which were to spend as much time outside the office with you as possible. However, when you gave him a sweet smile, he breathed a sigh of relief.

For the rest of the day you were allowed to go stay in your office, and you did not join the others for lunch or dinner. Erwin allowed you the choice and you decided you could not face the others right now. He brought you your lunch and dinner to your office. All of his kind gestures that day sparked an intense desire to prove yourself to him, so you kept on asking him for more tasks. In the end, you did more work that day than for the whole of the past two weeks. You even worked after dinner. Around nine o’clock a surprise visitor knocked on the frame of the open door of your office.

‘Y/n, can we talk?’ Hange said solemnly

‘Yes.’

Realistically, you had no choice but to forgive her.

‘I came here to apologise.’

‘For what?’

‘For suspecting you. I have spoken to the others and they told me the suspicions were ridiculous. It’s just that something did not sit right with me. I felt like I had to find out more, and when I found the gun… I freaked out.’

You kept quiet for a while and even looked away.

‘I forgive you.’ You said unconvincingly

The issue with Hange was not so much that she suspected you. Perhaps she was right to do so, but to go through your things, to bring you tea as a distraction… That was too much.

‘When did you find out I had the gun?’

‘Yesterday.’

‘So the tea was just a ploy to get to the gun again?’

Hange kept quiet.

‘Silly me. I thought you actually wanted to have tea with me.’ You said it so sternly you could actually see the pain in her gaze

‘I want to.’ She said ‘All of those moments of friendship we shared were true.’ She stepped closer to you and you stiffened

Perhaps, you would just take this as a learning opportunity. Levi was right that it was too soon to give a review. Now you see the kind of person she is and you would be more cautious. There’s no need to continue some overt conflict with her and scowl.

‘Erwin vouched for this. He said I can trust that you weren’t being fake to me. I know I can trust his word.’

Hange looked down in shame. Then she fidgeted for a few moments and finally got the bravery to approach you and even take your hand.

‘I believe you and I will be good friends in the future.’

You nodded automatically, but you were dumbfounded at her confidence. She was about to go on an expedition in the outside world and yet she seemed certain she would come back.

‘I will leave you now. But please, join us for lunch tomorrow.’ She said and she left

You decided to go on a walk outside to clear your mind. As you reached the staircase at the edge of the male quarters, you noticed a silhouette sat at the bottom few steps. As you approached, the silhouette seemed to perk up, like it recognised you. It was a tall man, so for a moment you thought it might be Erwin, but it was unlikely the commander would be there and especially sat in this way. You soon realised it is Miche.

‘Y/n. How are you doing?’ He smiled

‘I’m better. Thanks.’

‘Yeah. Me too.’ He said and when he saw the confusion that emanated from your face he continued ‘Erwin changed the expedition route. We’re going to focus on going to familiar places and consolidate routes instead of establishing new ones.’

You weren’t entirely sure why that was better, so you simply nodded along. However, you obviously had not done enough to convince him you had understood.

‘Less chance of dying.’ He explained and it was almost as if he gave you a nod of gratitude

#erwin x reader #ao3 #attack on titan #erwin smith

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idemida · 5 months ago

Text

The Commander’s Darling | Chapter 5

Reposted from AO3

~ Summary:

You fall in love and lust for each other, but who knows who will give in first.

~ Word Count: 4,948

~ Pairing: Erwin Smith x Reader

~ Tags: slowburn; loveatfirstsight; lustatfirstsight; jealousy; pining

Erwin left you to work on your own on the new pile of documents he brought you for three days. It certainly was not the type of work that would take more than a day and you found yourself continuing to read the books that Hange gave you to keep yourself occupied. The only contact you had with him was at lunch and dinner, which made your connection with him feel a lot more casual than it should. You did notice, however, that even if he was warmer than you expected a commander to be, he definitely did not smile or laugh as much as Hange and Miche. Levi was not exactly a reference point. You wondered if he had to be that way, even with his close people, because there had to be some semblance of order and respect he could not breach. They all called him his first name rather affectionately, and they allowed themselves to make jokes, even about him, but you did not see the same joking behaviour from him. Hange and Miche would spend the lunchtimes giggling together, Levi would judge them from the sidelines with a slight huff, but you could see he had an affection for them. Meanwhile, Erwin only allowed himself to smile here and there. However, when he did smile, it was a full smile that reached his eyes, and his face flushed pink. It brought out the blue colour of his eyes, you noticed.

‘Oh, Levi, I wish you would eat with your squad more often.’ Hange said one day, at dinner, almost through tears as she laughed at something Miche had said ‘It gets tiring feeling guilty for laughing and enjoying life as I am eating my meal.’

Your mouth gaped open as you heard her and since you were sat diagonally from Erwin, he noticed and smiled.

‘Erwin,’ Levi ignored her ‘When are you going to give Y/n her clothes allowance? I’m fed up of looking at her in these ugly outfits.’ Of course, you were wearing Hange’s clothes still.

‘Levi…’ Erwin almost scolded him

‘What?’

You turned to Levi, who was next to you: ‘I like these clothes, Levi.’

‘I’m just trying to help you out.’ Levi shrugged and there was a slight smirk as his eyes darted towards Hange, who was still smiling. Sometimes with all the bickering between them you were worried they might really offend each other ‘There’s no need to pretend. Also, keep in mind you’ve been in the cafeteria quite a few times now. At this rate, people might think this is your actual style.’

‘Levi, I-’ You wondered why you were getting so worked up. After all, it was just a joke anyway. You just felt guilty he was pressuring Erwin to give you money

‘We’ll arrange something later.’ Erwin looked at you ‘I promise.’

As you were going to put your trays away, Erwin pulled you aside to talk.

‘I was wondering if from now on, as you go on your walk you could also bring me my post to the office.’ He said and you noticed his voice was taking on a more professional tone ‘I don’t think it will be heavy. It’s mostly just letters. If there are any heavy parcels, do not bring them. Actually, don’t bring me parcels at all, unless they’re so light you can carry them with one hand.’ You kept on nodding as you were taking the instructions in ‘The post is usually left with the porter and they keep the stack delivered to me in a special section. I’ve told them who you are, they should give it to you with no problem. Also, it might be useful to show you the office.’

‘Alright.’

On that day, you went to retrieve his post and you were able to carry the stack of letters just fine.

You went to his office and knocked on the door. He answered in an exhausted tone, calling you in. As you opened the door, you noticed he was surprised to see you, straightening up.

‘What is it?’

‘I brought you your post.’ You entered the room, smiling. He was surprised to see you smile. It was as if the awkwardness that invaded every conversation prior had evaporated from you. You actually seemed happy to be there.

‘Oh, yes!’ He smiled back, despite his exhausted eyes and stood up

You approached him and readied the stack in both hands. The room was quite dark, so you could not see everything very well.

‘I know I told you I’ll show you around, but this is not the best time.’ He said ‘The daytime is preferable for this.’ You nodded ‘Are there any parcels you left behind?’

‘No, sir.’ You said and immediately got flustered as you saw the negative reaction on his face ‘No, Erwin.’ You smiled in embarrassment. This was the first time you called him that. You never used his name at lunch or dinner and you tried your best to not even use it with others when he was not around. It just felt foreign in your mouth, like you would be reprimanded if you dared to, even if he allowed it.

‘Is it that difficult to stick to first names? You do it with everyone else.’ He raised his eyebrows and there was palpable disappointment in his voice. He took the stack from your hands and placed it on the desk.

‘No, Erwin, there is no instruction I cannot follow, so I’ll call you whatever you want. Promise.’

You saw the way his eyes lifted up towards you. There was shock. A pause. His hands were still frozen on the stack he placed on the desk. In reality, you hadn’t said anything shocking, but when you saw the way he inhaled, you realised what you said really affected him. Your face was hot all over. Seeing him embarrassed in your presence did something to you.

‘Should I go now?’

‘Yes, I’ll bring you new work tomorrow.’

For the next five days you did more or less the same thing. You did the easiest work possible in your room, brought Erwin his post and went on walks with Hange, with Miche joining from time to time. You and Hange had started hanging out pretty much every day, even in the mornings. You would go to each other’s rooms or her department and chat about the books she gave you. You also started walking outside on the square in front of the Scouts’ headquarters. The square was often crowded with people, so you had to be careful not to bump into somebody and worsen your injury. Erwin still hadn’t shown you around the office, but he did show you your own. He did not require you to stay there yet, since you might still feel discomfort in your chest.

On the sixth day, you had finally managed to wash your own skirt and top to wear, so this was the first time since you moved here that you wore your own outfit. You could not lie, you looked much better in this than in Hange’s clothes. You actually felt attractive, while wearing it and it showed in the way you met people’s gazes, the way you smiled and your gait.

You delivered the post Erwin received for the day, this time holding the letters in one hand and a small parcel in the other. No heavier than you could carry in one hand, as agreed. As you walked into his office, the way you held the parcel and the swivel of your hips caused him to reminisce about the night you first met at the tavern.

‘Thank you.’ He said ‘Please go and ask Hange to give you the report she promised for today. She’ll know what I mean.’

He watched you walk away, feeling guilty for having his gaze linger.

Then he decided to turn his attention to the pile of letters you left. As he was going through it, he found one that was not addressed to anyone. It was a folded piece of paper, wrapped in all four directions by a tied black thread that formed a cross. It was strange, so it made him open it first.

He assumed it was for him, but as he opened it, he saw it was addressed to you. Then his eyes darted to the bottom and he saw it was from Jan.

He could not deny that it was wrong, but he was too curious, so he started reading, his sense of guilt getting stronger as he was reading each line.

‘Dear Y/n,

I am deeply hurt by the way you abandoned me and threw everything we had away as if it was nothing. I did not know I was so easily replaceable.

I saved you from hunger, homelessness and your grief when your parents died, but you left me without saying a word.

I’m sure you’re lying to Smith the same way now. I cannot believe how easily you can fake your feelings to get what you want. I was such a fool. I thought the love in your eyes was genuine. I thought your gratitude was genuine, but now you must look at him the same way. I loved you and you lied to me.

All of those words, all of those nights meant nothing to you.

I certainly hope you will never need me, because I will not be a fool again.

Jan’

Erwin realised the hand that held the letter was shaking. He knew he had no right to read it. He had no time to think, so he focused on getting it back the way it was - folded and tied by the thread. He put it back in the pile and tried to control himself. It was not clear to him why he was shaking, he wasn’t even sure what he felt. Of course, it irritated him to know there was something between you two, but then he really started to think. For the letter to reach him, Jan must have said it was for him, and it was not addressed for a reason. Jan wanted him to read it. It was all an intentional attempt to sully you in his eyes. Now most things in the letter sounded suspicious. If he was so great, you would not have left him, if he was so great, he would have protected you against Ritch. Well, didn’t he? He tried to fight him off. But he didn’t want to help you get treated. He didn’t care about the way Ritch treated you.

Erwin was really doubting himself now. Should he address the letter to you to avoid you thinking he read it? No, because his handwriting would be different. Should he untie the string? He would have to have opened it to realise it was for you, so he might as well. A few minutes after he untied it, he heard your footsteps approaching.

‘Y/n, there is a letter left for you here. I’m sorry, it wasn’t addressed to anyone and I assumed it was for me. I opened it, but I did not read it.’

You were incredibly confused, but also did not exactly believe him.

‘Who’s it from?’ You asked, trying to not seem irritated by the situation

He simply passed it to you. You tucked the report Hange gave you under your armpit and started reading. As your eyes moved down the page, reading the tone of indignation you decided to check who it was from at the bottom. Embarrassment hit your face, your cheeks felt so warm and your hands felt weak.

‘You really did not read it?’ You said quietly and he shook his head

‘I swear, I did not.‘

You continued reading down the page to yourself, and you could not believe Jan had decided to embarrass you like this. Of course, most of the letter was a lie. You did not tell him you love him, kiss him or spend any nights with him. You most certainly did not look at Erwin the way you looked at Jan.

‘It’s all a lie, just so you know. If you did read it, I want you to know it’s a lie.’

‘I believe you.’

‘Jan sent this. He must have stalked me and seen me walking around. I assume he is jealous and wanted to sabotage me. But I swear, there isn’t anything true here.’

‘Well, you did abandon him without saying a word.’

‘And you think I am a bad person?’

‘No, not at all.’ His face appeared warm, but he was avoiding smiling ‘I am just saying, perhaps he was really in love with you and his feelings were hurt. Now he’s lashing out. Don’t worry, it won’t affect your position here. But we should be more careful about you going out on your own because he might be violent.’

You did not want this situation to lead to anyone exercising more control over you. You did not know Erwin perfectly well, so you did not feel comfortable with him making decisions about your life. For example, if he wanted you to be accompanied everywhere with the pretext of keeping you safe, you would run away immediately.

‘He is not violent.’ You said folding the letter angrily ‘But he is petty. He also likes to gossip. He might tell the others where I am.’

‘Well, I would recommend you don’t go out much on your own in the next few weeks. Especially because the expedition is coming up, and if I am not here to protect you…’

‘Right…’ You said, almost cynically

‘Y/n. I really do think this is serious. I mean he is serious enough to show you he knows where you live.’

You ignored what he was saying and put the report down on his desk.

‘Can I go?’

‘Yes.’

Once again, he watched you walk away and noticed, the anger added something to your walk that made it even more attractive.

A few days passed with more of the same. Hange had come for your regular morning meet-up, just as you were getting ready to go to Erwin. He had told you to arrive at a specific hour for the first time that day and you were in a rush. Your eyes lit up when you realised she had brought you tea. You couldn’t even remember the last time you had tea, especially with a friend.

‘I love you so much for this, but it seems like this morning Erwin actually wants me to show up at eight o’clock and I cannot afford to be late on the first day when I have an hour set.’ You said as you went back to getting ready.

‘Y/n, as much as I wish this was a completely selfless gesture,’ she put the teacup on the cupboard next to the door ‘I am doing this because I want something from you.’

You turned back, surprised.

‘I need one of the books I gave you. That copy is very special to me and I hadn’t realised I gave it to you.’

‘Oh, of course!’ You looked down at your skirt, dusting it off. You wore your own skirt, but one of her shirts ‘Which book is it?’ You looked at the clock and you had five minutes to go ‘You know what, you go through them since you would know. I have put one of the books in the outside pocket of my coat back here.’ You showed her the back of the door ‘I am heading out.’

Meanwhile, Erwin could tell there was a change within you. You kept your demeanour polite, but he could tell your eyes did not show the same warmth towards him.

He was starting to feel stuck. He wanted to spend time with you, away from everybody else. Something more special, but also not special enough to confirm any potential suspicions he was attracted to you. He wanted to win your trust again, maybe even your attraction towards him. As you were in his office way before lunch, he thought it was the perfect opportunity.

‘There’s a bakery nearby, that sells nice breakfast and lunch options. If you want to join me and see what they have, you can come. I might ask you to pick something up from there at some point, so it would be good for you to know where it is.’ That is the reason why he called you in so early. He assumed you would be hungry.

You smiled and nodded.

‘But I need to get my coat.’ You didn’t need it only to shield against the cold. You decided that since Jan might be lurking around, it would be useful to have the gun as some semblance of protection, or something to threaten him with.

The walk out of the building was slightly awkward, because it was difficult sticking to small talk topics when both of you wanted to delve deeper. It was also difficult for you to understand what was appropriate to ask. What you didn’t know was that he was struggling with the same thoughts about you.

You walked with him through the square, on the way to the bakery. The weather was colder than you expected, so you unfolded the collar of your coat and raised it up to keep your chest and neck warm. He thought he should probably offer you something of his to warm you up, but he knew people would talk and even that might be inappropriate. He turned to look at you, as you were snuggling in your coat, not realising how adorable you looked.

‘Y/n!’ You heard a familiar voice shout your name from Erwin’s direction. You turned towards it and saw that Erwin was already looking at you. His head then also turned in the voice’s direction.

It was Jan. He was walking towards you with a briskness that could only point to anger. He stopped a few steps away and you noticed Erwin stepped closer to him, as if to get in between.

‘What are you doing here?’ Jan asked you, his eyebrows furrowed

‘What are you doing here?’ You asked back

‘No, you don’t get to ask me that. I thought he had kidnapped you, or killed you.’

Erwin turned towards you when he heard that, but you could not read his face.

‘No, I’m fine.’

‘And why did you not come back?’ Jan asked and as you were about to answer he interrupted you ‘I’m hurt. I thought we had something special.’

‘I was also hurt. When I was underpaid, overworked and unprotected.’ You crossed your arms ‘And what was it that was special between us?’

‘We were practically engaged. What are you talking about? You wore my mother’s ring!’ He stepped forward and you stepped back ‘Everybody in the neighbourhood knew that you were wearing it.’

You stood there silent for a moment, arms still crossed. Erwin was looking at Jan, and you could not see his face.

‘Jan, are you-’ You were going to ask him if he was mad, but because you actually feared that he was, you decided against it ‘Are you being serious? You never proposed! I was using the ring to pretend I am married to a made-up man. How could anyone think we were engaged?’

‘What about our kiss, though?’ Jan asked, full of indignation

Erwin did not turn to look at you.

‘You kissed me. I rejected you and then you pretended you thought I was someone else. You were drunk out of your mind and I was sober. I think I remember better than you do.’

Erwin turned slowly to you and once again you could not read his face.

‘What are you doing here?’ He asked again and you were getting more confused. He could see the confusion, so he added ‘Do you live with him? Do you work with him? What are you doing here?’

You held the collar of your coat closer to your chest, as if to protect yourself from your own anxiety. You didn’t want to admit you worked for Erwin because that would also reveal where you live and even if you just worked here, he would know where you spend the majority of your days.

‘I came here to give back some money I asked him to borrow. On the night I was shot I needed money, and he obliged. I promised I would give it back and I did.’

‘Why is he out with you now?’

‘To walk her out.’ Erwin interjected

‘Why not just let her find her way out?’

Erwin suddenly walked closer to you and you noticed he wanted to say something to you more quietly. You moved closer to him as well.

‘Did you have a contract with Jan?’ Erwin asked and you shook your head ‘Everything was informal?’

‘Yes.’ You said and he saw the desperation in your eyes

‘Listen,’ Erwin turned to Jan ‘Neither of us owe you an explanation. She decided she doesn’t want to work for you anymore. That’s it. Just get over it.’

Jan then reached for something inside his coat pocket and you already knew what it was. Of course, he pulled out his other gun, only enough for you three to see it, but not enough to stir panic on the square. Erwin took a step back pushing you behind him.

‘You do owe me my other gun with the bullets, though. You took it, with no intention to return it. That’s called stealing. And you know how expensive those things are.’ He pulled the safety back ‘You will have to show me your new place because I assume that’s where it is.’ Jan almost looked satisfied with himself

Erwin did not know what to say now. All of this was new to him and he was starting to think of ways he could help you if it was really true. He would surely have to find you another place to live now that you were discovered

‘You owe it to me. It’s mine.’ Jan insisted sternly

‘How will you get it?’ You asked ‘Kill me? Kill him? How will you get away? Can you imagine killing the Commander of the Survey Corps and having Levi Ackermann come after you? I would love to see that.’

‘What did you use the money for? The one you had to pay back?’ Jan asked, and you could not believe his mind was still thinking about that

‘For accommodation.’

‘If you’re not working for him, where did you get the money to pay him the money back? It’s only been like two weeks.’

‘Where do you think?’

‘Did you sell yourself? Jan asked and Erwin turned towards him as if in shock

‘I sold the gun, idiot.’ You said and Erwin turned to you, eyes so wide it would have made you laugh if you did not think you were going to die any moment

Everybody stood still, with Erwin turning towards Jan again, so he could keep an eye on his actions. He stood firmly in front of you. Jan pulled the gun all the way out at that point, but let his arm relax, with the gun pointing towards the ground. He seemed to be debating something in his mind and you saw his mouth quiver.

‘I don’t believe you.’ He said, looking up, a madness in his eyes ‘I don’t believe you know the places where these things can be bought or sold. I don’t think you have the bravery to go into one of these places and walk out unarmed. I did everything for you and look at how you lie to me, straight to my face, with no guilt in your eyes.’

You looked down at his feet and saw them inching anxiously towards you. You took another step back, pulling Erwin with you by the waist.

‘And for what?’ His voice began shaking ‘For a guy like that? You’re planning to rely on him now? Everybody knows the Scouts drop like flies. You will eventually have to crawl back to me and beg me-’ He was gesturing with the gun in his anger ‘You think you know what’s best for you, but you don’t.’

‘If you love me so much, why are you getting ready to shoot me?’ You asked and you were not expecting to sound so emotional. The fear was really getting to you and it seemed like nobody on the square had realised what was happening. There was no panic, no scurrying away from the people around you. ‘I’ll give you back the money. I swear. I can’t give you anything else.’

As you were looking into his eyes, pleading, awaiting his decision, a hand came from behind him and grabbed the wrist of the hand that held the gun. He swiftly turned around to pull his wrist away, and a member of the military police revealed himself. Jan was then tackled from the side by another, and a third joined in to get him incapacitated. They almost wrestled him to the ground, careful not to set the weapon off, and eventually one of them managed to pluck it out of his hand. They all seemed quite young and well-built, certainly an improvement from the ones you were used to seeing in your area.

‘Not only is this plain assault,’ The one with the gun began speaking ‘But I want to see your certificate for the weapon. I assume you have none.’

As the adrenaline in your body alleviated, you almost collapsed to the ground. Your grip on Erwin tightened and he finally felt it was safe to turn back towards you. He saw the tears in your eyes and how you weak you looked, so he held you by your waist and shoulder. Jan was on his knees now, looking up at the officers in angered defeat.

‘I don’t have it on me.’

‘Tell us your address and we’ll search for it while you’re in jail.’ The officer with the gun laughed

‘Fine. I don’t have one, but she doesn’t either and I know my other gun is with her. She admitted it plainly in front of us both.’ He nodded towards Erwin who did not react, still looking at you ‘She was my employee and she ran away with the gun to spite me.’

The officer turned towards you and you could feel your knees buckle under the weight of the new wave of anxiety. He was definitely going to search you and find the weapon now. You will have to suffer the consequences for what you did.

‘Keep him in place.’ The armed officer turned to his colleagues who were keeping Jan low on the ground. He put the gun somewhere in his own inner pocket ‘Miss, I hope you won’t resist the search. We just have to make sure.’

You nodded in defeat. You wanted to attack Jan for managing to be such a successful nuisance that he completely ruined your life. You weren’t sure what the consequences of such an offence were, but you knew your life will immediately be turning around for the worse. He asked Erwin to step aside and he complied.

As the officer came next to you, he seemed almost apologetic about it. He patted you down, then he went through your coat pockets where the gun was. You looked down in shame, not ready to face Erwin’s judgment. The officer took a step back.

‘Must be a tiny gun, I can’t find it.’ He chuckled at Jan

You looked up at the officer. You kept your face as neutral as you could, but to Erwin and Jan the shock in your eyes was visible. The way your eyes darted from left to right. Your eyebrows twitched ever so slightly in surprise. It was obvious something was bubbling up inside you. You had to resist the urge to smile. Either you truly were the luckiest woman on earth, or the military police were the most incompetent people in existence.

‘You realise it’s probably in her house, right?’ Jan spat back

‘Miss, would you co-operate by leading us to your address, so we can search it?’

You began nodding as if by command, but you certainly did not want to co-operate. If it was not in your pocket, then you must have forgotten it in your room and you were not as lucky as you thought.

‘No.’ Erwin interjected ‘You can’t. You can’t search her house without a warrant.’

‘Commander,’ The officer turned his whole body to face him ‘We might not have a warrant, but we do have reasonable cause to believe she might have it.’

‘That’s the thing. You don’t.’ Erwin continued, his voice steady ‘She has shown no signs that she could have anything on her or that she is dangerous. I know the rules. I appreciate you want to be thorough, but you can’t disregard procedure. If you do, I will speak to Nile Dok personally to report this issue.’

The young officer stood silent, then he looked back at Jan and back at you. He asked the others to handcuff him and take him away and then he agreed to end this by taking your information. You co-operated with that, admitting where you lived and worked. You also asked him to keep this a secret from Jan and he agreed. As he walked away, you looked at the ground, not having the bravery to look Erwin in the eye.

‘Let’s go inside.’ He said 'I want to understand what is going on.'

#erwin x reader #ao3 #attack on titan #erwin smith

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idemida · 5 months ago

Text

The Commander’s Darling | Chapter 4

Reposted from AO3

~ Summary:

You fall in love and lust for each other, but who knows who will give in first.

~ Word Count: 3,917

~ Pairing: Erwin Smith x Reader

~ Tags: slowburn; loveatfirstsight; lustatfirstsight; jealousy; pining

The day after you were hired, Erwin found himself waking up with a newfound sense of energy. There was a rush to his heartbeat and his movements. A level of anticipation he had not foreseen. He was not even sure what he was anticipating. With one month until the expedition it felt silly to think he would forgo the opportunity to spend as much time with you as possible. The whole idea that he would not see you until you could work in his office was starting to seem ridiculous. After all, he has to show you around, teach you the work and… It was at this point that he realised how rushed it all was. He didn’t have a secretary before you, so there was no designated space, no specific secretarial work, no template for a contract. On top of that, everybody else knew he never had a secretary, so eventually the truth will come to light. It worried him what you might think and he was already starting to think of excuses.

After he got ready for the day, he immediately started drafting your employment contract. It proved he had truly lost himself, because with all the preparations for the expedition, your contract should have been at the bottom of his to-do list. The contract was short-term, to be renewed each month, because he was not sure if he would come back. The chances of the next commander keeping you on was slim to none.

There were some unoccupied rooms next to his office, so he could pretend this was always where you were supposed to be. He couldn’t put you in his office because it would become awkward being stuck with each other all day. Plus, the majority of the awkwardness might come from the fact that his office was attached to his bedroom.

He went to one of the smaller unoccupied rooms and started re-arranging things to make them less stuffy. He put in some piles of documents for you to review and keep yourself busy with when the time came for him to actually make you work. It was simpler stuff, like checking for inconsistencies and errors in the documents and later on if you show you have a good head on your shoulders he would teach you to review all the contracts for all the Scouts’ equipment, salaries etc. He was sure he would find a way to keep you occupied.

He was not sure, however, if he should visit you to deliver the contract to you or send Hange.

Meanwhile, you were stirred to action by the idea that Erwin might come visit you again. You woke up with the Scouts because this time, without the medicine killing your alertness, the morning call was impossible to miss. You had enough strength to bear the pain of standing up, but you took your painkillers to last upright longer. You explored your room and to your joy, you found a towel in your wardrobe as well as a clean nightgown.

It was still dark outside. You waited until the Scout women freed up the area and used the time they were away to shower without anyone seeing you. You tried your best to look presentable, but you only had the clothes you had put on to escape. No perfume, no makeup, no brush. At least you are clean, you thought. You decided to keep your clean nightgown on, and put on your sweater over it, along with the coat if anyone wanted to come in.

After an hour or two there was a knock on the door. You opened the door to reveal Hange.

‘Y/n!’ She was beaming ‘How are you doing?’

You smiled back and gestured to invite her in ‘I’m fine. I was fine enough to go shower.’

She stopped abruptly: ‘Weren’t you supposed to be resting? Aren’t you in pain?’ after you shrugged, she continued ‘Have you been doing your deep breaths?’

Well, you weren’t exactly following the instructions.

‘Yes, and the painkillers really help.’ You chuckled

‘But they might trick you into over-exerting yourself.’ Then she looked you up and down ‘How are you even standing for so long already? I think you should lay down.’

You sat on the bed, but keeping your posture straight required too much energy, so you decided to listen to her and lay down.

‘Erwin wants to discuss your contract and salary. All the fun stuff.’ She sat down on the bed ‘He’ll come later today to give you the draft and you sign it if you’re happy with it.’

You nodded. How could you not be happy with it? You weren’t exactly in a position to refuse anything.

Looking at Hange, you started to pay attention to her uniform and realised that with your one shirt, sweater, skirt and coat, you didn’t exactly fit the aesthetic. You had put on layers before your escape, but all they suited was the good-for-nothing tavern you came from.

‘You know, if I’m a secretary, will you guys give me my own uniform?’

She pursed her lips, looking at the ground. Then she shook her head. ‘I mean, it’s Erwin’s decision, but it’s unlikely because you’re not a Scout and secretaries shouldn’t have to wear it.’

‘What did the previous secretary wear?’

There was silence in the room. The corners of her lips lifted and she had to pause to stop herself from laughing.

‘Well…’ She started, but she was too good of a friend to ruin this for Erwin ‘He wore his civilian clothes. You know, a smart-casual sort of situation. You don’t need to worry.’

‘I kind of do.’ You smiled ‘This is all I have.’

‘You’re really not going back to get your stuff?’ She asked and you shook your head ‘I’ll give you my civilian clothes, if you want. I hardly wear them.’

‘Thank you! I’ll return them very soon.’

‘You won’t need them for at least two weeks.’

Hange stayed with you for an hour or two. You noticed you liked how vivacious she was. She was asking you quite a lot of questions about your past, about how you got here. She was able to spin any story in a positive way and laugh about it with you. You were mostly honest with her, but you kept some things secret. Like how you had a gun on you that you were not supposed to. She promised to join you on your walks and to bring you a pile of books to keep you entertained while you were on your own in your room. However, what you realised at the end was that she shared little about herself.

Eventually, Erwin came with the contract. As he entered the room, there was something startled about his eyes. As if he wasn’t ready to be in your presence. It felt like he was guarded, but not out of shyness, rather he felt almost uncomfortable around you.

‘Y/n, how are you doing?’ He approached your nightstand to place the paper with the draft on it

You nodded and answered, leaning closer to the sheet, but the pain made you pull back.

‘I’ve drafted a one-month contract, and you’ll still be paid for the time you’re going to take to get better.’

Your mouth parted slightly in shock: ‘You’re only keeping me for one month?’

‘I don’t see the point in the contract being longer at this stage. I’m going on an expedition in a month and we’ll renew the contract if I come back.’

He saw the shock in your face and smiled.

‘It seems you forgot what our death rate is like.’

You kept quiet. You couldn’t understand how he could smile about it. You nodded at him and took the paper to read it. The salary was double what Jan paid you and considering the free food and shelter, as well as the fact you were safe inside the base, the deal was amazing. The fact it was short-term might be even better, since you might not like it and it’s better to not be held hostage in a situation you are not perfectly familiar with. You kept on nodding as you were reading it, until you reached the space for the signature at the bottom and the date. You started looking around for the pen and of course, as he passed it to you, your hands touched. It wasn’t even a brief touch, it was long enough for you to raise your eyes to look at him, and see he refused to look at you. Did stuff like that really matter? After all, you might not even have noticed if it had happened with Hange? But it didn’t happen with her. It was him. You thought you should simply ignore it because it was bound to happen much more after you start working for him for real.

‘I’m going to give Y/n my civilian clothes to wear at the beginning.’ Hange said as you signed the contract ‘I hope that’s alright with you.’

He looked at her as if he forgot she was there. It seemed like it took him a while to even register what she had said and she smiled rather wide at that. He nodded, almost chuckling at her reaction.

‘Of course, it’s fine. I can give you some extra money to buy more clothes though.’ He turned to you ‘Especially since you have none.’

You laughed, shaking your head out of politeness, but then you realised you were inconveniencing Hange by taking hers. ‘Wait. I’m going to accept only because I feel bad for burdening Hange even more.’

‘Use this week to rest, then after the first week you can join us for lunch and dinner in the cafeteria. I’ll start bringing you work next week and you can do it in your room.’ He spoke neutrally ‘After that, we’ll see how you’re doing and maybe we’ll move you into your office.’

‘You mean your office?’ You asked

‘No, you’ll have your own.’ He said, at which you raised your eyebrows and smiled

‘What?’ He asked, smiling back

‘It’s hard to believe how my fate could change so fast.’ You passed him the signed contract and he took it, with a slight smirk

‘I’ll leave you now. I’ll bring you work in a few days.’

Over the next week, you didn’t see Erwin at all. You relied on Hange for every aspect of your life. She was the one who showed you around and gave you tips on what times you should avoid the showers.

You spent the week resting in your room, with some small walks around the Scouts’ headquarters, accompanied by her. At first, you only went around the buildings closest to the one where your room was located. Later, you started to walk around the training grounds, stables and greenery. You tried to avoid the hours when the places would be busy with people because you didn’t want them asking you any questions. Hange would usually come to bring you your food and stay to chat. She brought you the pile of books, as promised. With how bubbly and warm she was, it was easy to become friends. Her anecdotes always made you laugh, not necessarily because the stories were funny, but because of her quirky delivery. Her smile was always beaming. Your personalities meshed well, and you appreciated the charm and optimism she brought to every situation.

Then one day Erwin finally knocked on the door. You were expecting Hange and when he walked in your smile almost dropped. He saw the small change on your face and it worried him.

‘What’s wrong?’ You saw him come in with a small pile of paper. Perhaps, he thought, you didn’t like that it was the two of you alone.

‘Nothing. Of course, nothing is wrong.’

‘I just came here to give you a little work. I won’t stay long. I’ll come tomorrow morning to see how it’s going.’ He approached your nightstand and put the pile on top. Then he stood next to you. ‘I just want you to proof-read these documents for grammar mistakes.’ He took a pencil, sharpener and rubber out of his pocket and placed them next to the pile

‘Alright.’ You looked at the pile, which did not seem big at all ‘I’ll probably have it ready by the end of today.’

‘There’s no rush, it’s fine.’ He was already getting ready to go out, but then he turned on his heel ‘How are you feeling?’

You looked at him awkwardly ‘Better. I’m walking around a bit every day and I take my medicine and everything.’

‘Then you could start joining us for lunch.’ He said ‘If you want.’

‘Yeah, of course I want to.’

He nodded and walked out.

You did the job he told you to. You read the documents in bed, fixed the little that you could find worth fixing and left the pile on the night stand. You had your lunch with Hange that day and as you were talking about how you would be joining them for lunch the next day, you suddenly started stressing out.

‘You eat with Commander Smith and the others, right?’ You asked and she nodded ‘Alright. Good.’

‘Why?’ She asked mischievously

‘What do you mean? How could I live without you?’ You said and you both laughed

For lunch the next day, you were given one of Hange’s outfits because you had not received the money to buy clothes. You walked to the cafeteria and lined up behind the scouts.

‘You know,’ You heard a familiar voice behind you and even without looking at him you could tell he was smiling ‘You don’t need to wait in line if you work for Erwin.’ You turned around and saw Miche smirking

You smiled back. There was something about the mischief in his voice that made you blush.

‘I wouldn’t take your word for it.’ You straightened your back to look up at him ‘Imagine if I skip the line and make a terrible first impression.’

‘Worse than the first night he met you?’

Your mouth opened in embarrassment and you looked around to see if people were listening. He then took you by the arm.

‘Y/n, go sit down, I’ll get you your food.’ Miche gestured towards a faraway table and you saw Erwin and Levi sitting there already, isolated from everybody else.

‘No.’ You tried to protest, but he started shaking his head ‘Are you allowed to skip the line? Doesn’t everyone here, including you work for Er-’ You paused awkwardly because you had no right to think you’re on a first name basis with your boss

‘There’s an unspoken rule that some people can skip. You’ll be one of those people.’

You shrugged, but the doubt on your face was obvious. You decided to make your way towards the table, but as you were approaching them your anxiety was picking up. Erwin was facing away from you, so he hadn’t realised you were there. You stood next to the table, unsure of which seat to take because maybe they had seats they liked to stick to. Levi was sitting across from Erwin. You didn’t want to be presumptuous and sit right next to him from the first day. When Levi made your presence known, Erwin was startled and immediately pulled the chair next to himself for you to sit.

‘Who are you expecting will bring you your food?’ Levi asked dryly

‘Miche.’ You said, which caused his eyes to shoot open in surprise ‘At least he told me he will. I don’t know if he was joking.’

Erwin looked back, seeing Miche coming with two trays and a big smile plastered on his face.

‘Huh.’ Levi remarked and continued eating

You started eating, with Miche sitting opposite you. There seemed to be no conversation at first, but Miche decided he was going to fix that.

‘Erwin, tell Y/n she can skip the line at lunch.’

‘Yes, of course. If I need her in the office, especially, since eating in the cafeteria can be a waste of time.’

Miche saw the surprise on your face after Erwin’s words.

‘You’re surprised he’s here, right?’ He asked you, at which you shrugged ‘You’d expect a man like him to be unreachable, in his office, super-focussed.’

‘Yeah, I guess.’

‘I don’t always eat in my office.’

You nodded and started looking around for Hange, who promised you she’d be here.

‘How are you finding the work?’ Levi asked, looking down at his plate

You stifled a laugh, which caused everyone at the table to look up.

‘I have not received much work yet. I think he’s just warming me up.’ Then you turned to Erwin ‘I did finish what you gave me.’

‘As expected.’ Levi remarked, which caused you to narrow your eyes

‘I don’t want to burden you with much as you’re recovering. I think I’ll just give you similar stuff for now.’

Suddenly Hange joined the table by slamming her tray on the table right next to you.

‘You couldn’t be more annoying if you tried.’ Levi huffed and it relieved you to see he could be so moody even with someone as nice as Hange

‘If you think that, you’re in for a surprise.’ She chuckled

‘I can’t imagine what Y/n went through for a week with you as her only company.’

‘I love Hange.’ You said with a defiant smile, which caused Erwin to turn and look at you ‘I don’t understand what there is to dislike.’ This caused Hange to wrap an arm around your shoulder and start eating

‘You have not been here long enough to give a review.’ Levi shoved another bite in his mouth ‘But wearing her outfit is a bit much for me actually. It’s like you’ve decided to add a Hange clone to your ensemble.’ Levi looked up at Erwin

‘Well, what was the previous secretary like?’ You asked

Levi scrunched up his face and Miche’s eyes narrowed.

‘Well…’ Hange began

‘There was no previous secretary.’ Levi said, wiping his mouth ‘What are you talking about?’

‘No, there was a man.’ You said and Erwin looked at you in surprise

‘How do you know that?’ Erwin asked

‘Wait what?’ Miche asked, almost as if he was asking himself

The atmosphere on the table was bubbling in confusion, and you were the most confused out of everyone.

‘You’re the first secretary he’s had.’ Levi said matter-of-factly.

‘Levi, you’re so forgetful.’ Hange started laughing ‘Don’t you remember that boring guy that worked here a few months ago.’

‘What?’ Levi was almost irritated and Miche had an expression on his face that signalled complete and utter bewilderment. You could see him going back through each month in his mind

‘There was a guy who worked as Erwin’s secretary for a short time and then he had to leave because his wife got pregnant.’

‘Did his wife live here?’ You asked

‘No.’ Erwin answered, smiling

‘Why?’

‘Because…’ Hange began as if it was obvious ‘They only got married after he found out she is pregnant and he had to find another job because the money here was not enough.’ She explained with full confidence. Erwin was looking at her proudly.

‘I see.’ You said convinced

‘How come we don’t remember him?’ Miche asked

‘He was really awkward and he didn’t spend much time with us.’ Hange said

‘There’s no way I wouldn’t remember a secretary working for Erwin.’ Miche insisted

‘You don’t remember his moustache?’ Erwin asked, holding back a laugh ‘His style was so unique, I’m starting to think you have memory issues from your injuries.’

‘What the fuck is going on?’ Levi started shaking his head ‘There’s no way.’

In the evening you decided not to join them for dinner. You felt like being around Erwin put you on edge because you were careful about every single one of your movements and words. You asked Hange to bring you your food and she went to give Erwin the work you had finished. You thought you were done for the day, so you were in your nightgown and in bed. The only light in the room was the gas lamp on the nightstand, casting the familiar golden glow on your face.

You were surprised when somebody knocked on the door.

‘Who is it?’ You asked

‘It’s me.’ Erwin said and you pulled the bedcover higher up to your neck

‘Come in!’ You conceded and you saw him make his way in with a massive pile of paper in his arms

He was a bit embarrassed to see you in bed, you could tell. He was trying to hold back a smile.

‘I’m sorry. I usually don’t sleep so early.’ He said ‘I wasn’t expecting you to be in bed.’

‘Me neither, but I had nothing to do.’

‘Well, here’s a little something to do over the next few days.’ He put it on the nightstand again ‘Just read through them and check for any grammar and spelling mistakes. By the way, do you know how to use a typewriter?’

‘Yes.’

‘Great. In the future I might dictate stuff to you and ask you to write.’

‘Sure.’

‘How come you didn’t join us for dinner?’

You felt yourself pausing to take a deep breath.

‘Commander, I hope you don’t feel disrespected. I just wasn’t feeling very comfortable. I was very tired. I felt guilty that Miche got me my food and it seemed like Levi judged me for it. I know he would probably judge me more for staying here, but I just couldn’t deal with seeing his judgment, you know.’

‘I don’t want you to call me that.’ He said abruptly ‘I want you to call me Erwin.’

You remained silent. You gulped and nodded. Why did that feel so difficult? It felt like the more familiarity there was between you the more in danger you felt of developing feelings for him. It almost didn’t feel right. He had such a commanding presence at times, calling him by his first name did not feel appropriate, even if you could appreciate the gesture.

‘Is there a problem?’

‘No.’ You said and your voice was so unbelievably quiet ‘I just didn’t think you would want me to.’

‘Well, all of the higher-ups call me that. Hange, Levi, Miche.’ He tried to make it seem as if it is not that special, but it was to you

You fiddled with your fingers under the covers nervously.

‘But I’m just your secretary.’

‘Don’t you think it will be awkward when you join us for lunch and while everybody uses my first name, you’re forced to call me ‘Commander’ or ‘Mr. Smith’?’ He held back a chuckle

‘Yes, I guess so.’ You smiled. Surely not any more awkward than the conversation you were having now.

‘Also, Levi is quite judgmental and cynical. You’ll have to get over this hurdle because if you don’t, you simply won’t do anything ever again.’

You nodded and he was getting ready to leave. He started walking towards the door and without turning around he said: ‘Good night, Y/n. Sweet dreams.’

You thought you had misheard him.

‘Sweet dreams.’ You replied, with a tentative voice.

He closed the door and you laid in bed, knowing your mind would be too busy after this to sleep. You decided to start on the work he gave you.

#erwin x reader #ao3 #attack on titan #erwin smith

5 notes · View notes

idemida · 5 months ago

Text

The Commander’s Darling | Chapter 3

Reposted from AO3

~ Summary:

You fall in love and lust for each other, but who knows who will give in first.

~ Word Count: 3,699

~ Pairing: Erwin Smith x Reader

~ Tags: slowburn; loveatfirstsight; lustatfirstsight; jealousy; pining

After Miche helped you out of the carriage, he offered you his arm to help you walk because you were obviously in pain. Once again, Erwin was angry at himself for not reaching you sooner. Levi bade you good night and a quick recovery eventually, as you reached the corridor leading towards his room.

Erwin and Miche stayed with you while the doctor was checking everything. Erwin didn’t understand why Miche was still there, but he tried not to think too much into it. Maybe he was trying to be polite or maybe Erwin was missing the point, and it would be inappropriate for you and him to remain just the two of you. Perhaps, Miche was doing a good thing by staying.

When the stethoscope part came around, the doctor had to ask them to turn away. You were embarrassed for the infinite time that night.

‘Everything is fine, except the bone. It’s a fracture, but nothing gruesome. It should heal just fine in a few weeks, although discomfort may remain for a few months.’ The doctor said ‘You will need plenty of rest, but that’s about it. You’re very lucky.’ He then started murmuring as he looked through his medicine cabinet ‘Empty these in a cup with a bit of water.’ He gave you two small capsules of brown glass with some liquid inside ‘These will keep the pain at bay for 24 hours. They will also help you sleep, and most likely will make you drowsy. Then take these as needed. No more than 4 per day.’ He gave you a box, which you opened and saw was full of pills

‘Are you sure the lung is fine?’ You asked

‘Yes, there’s nothing out of the ordinary. I don’t know what the Commander heard, but the stethoscope does not detect anything of the sort.’ He then continued ‘Take around ten deep breaths every hour and although I said you need plenty of rest, it would be good to start mixing in the rest with some short walks after a few days.’

The doctor had asked you to lay down during the examination and now that he was done, you did not want to get up. The pain from all the movement tonight was too much for you. The sitting in the carriage, the getting on and now off the bed. Erwin could see from your face that you had gotten sick from adjusting yourself all the time.

‘If you want, you can stay in one of the empty scout rooms to relax a bit. Or…’ Erwin paused ‘You don’t have to leave until you feel ready. I know it will be difficult to travel for another hour.’

You were so tired. You hadn’t slept and the pain had exhausted you. There was also the post-anxiety and adrenaline exhaustion. You had to get to your cousin’s house, but that would be painful on its own. Who knows if your cousin will agree to take you in? It was unlikely she would be in a position to keep you without a job. You decided that it would be best to take Erwin’s offer of staying a bit longer, so you could at least have a few moments of rest before you become homeless.

‘Can I?’ You asked, holding back a yawn ‘I am kind of tired from the pain. I want to stay here for a little while.’

Erwin nodded and approached you to help you get up. Miche opened the door.

‘I’ll go to sleep now.’ Miche turned back as he stopped in front of the threshold ‘I probably won’t see you before you leave, but I wish you a quick recovery, Y/n. Good night.’

Erwin was confused by him again, but decided to ignore it.

He walked you to the women’s area, holding a gas lamp to light the way. As you stumbled from exhaustion and pain you grabbed his arm to help you walk.

‘You know,’ He began ‘We have quite a few free female scout rooms. It would not be an issue to let you stay for free for a few days, even a week. Or more…’ Your mind was too exhausted to think about that now

You nodded instinctively.

‘I can’t consider it right now. I think I need to take those things the doctor gave me first.’

He nodded as you walked.

‘I’ll get you some water.’ Then he stopped abruptly ‘I have to run to get the key for the room. I’ll leave you in front of the door and then come back with the key and the water.’

You walked for a few minutes in silence. You were huffing in discomfort, especially because you had to walk down the stairs at one point. Your grip on him tightened and he loved the feeling that you were relying on him.

When you reached the door, he left you leaning against the wall. The few minutes you had to wait were excruciating. You wanted to drop to the ground and pass out. It wasn’t so much from the injury, but suddenly you found yourself burdened by a feeling of dread. You had nowhere to go. You were injured. Helpless. Your eyes started to tear up. Perhaps, you will have to return to Jan and run away later.

As Erwin returned to unlock the door you held onto him again to enter. He walked you to the bed where you immediately laid down, even though it was actually not made and you were still wearing your outside clothes and shoes. You left your sweater and the box with the pills on the nightstand.

The room was furnished in the most basic way: a wardrobe, a cupboard next to the door, a single bed with a nightstand next to it, with a gas lamp on top. It was still dark outside and you could not see the room perfectly, the only light available was from the gas lamp Erwin had carried in.

‘I can call someone to fix the bed.’ He said, but you shook your head

‘No. I’m too tired, I have to lay down right away.’ You stared at the ceiling, which had a few disorderly spiderwebs.

‘I’ll send someone to explain to your boss that the doctor said you should stay here for a few days.’ He was starting to prepare your medicine.

Your head shot up: ‘No. I don’t want to return.’ You half-whispered, and for some reason tears started to form in your eyes ‘I am not going back to that place.’

He paused from opening the capsules.

‘But what about your stuff?’

‘I’m just going to leave it behind. I have wanted to get away from Jan for a while now.’ You said ‘And I think this is fate telling me to take initiative.’

‘But where will you go?’

‘Please, can you pour the medicine in the cup? I really need it.’

He took care of it. Then he gave you the cup and helped you sit up. You gulped it down immediately.

‘Can I take your shoes off?’ He asked and you nodded as you were wiping your mouth

He was a bit confused as to why you were wearing two pairs of socks, but he did not comment. ‘And the coat?’ He moved towards you again, but you shook your head because the gun was there and you didn’t want him to see.

‘Did you leave, knowing you will never return?’

‘Yes.’

He smiled as he was turning on the gas lamp that you found on the nightstand. It added more light to the room, but it did not reveal anything more interesting. All you noticed was the flash of Erwin’s smile in the dim light.

‘You’re extremely impulsive.’ He said and you lifted the corners of your lips out of politeness. You didn’t say anything because you felt like he was disapproving of you, perhaps, because you were also disapproving of yourself. Instead, you chose to close your eyes.

‘I’m not usually like that.’

There was a slight pause. You heard him shuffling, and walking towards the door. You opened your eyes as he was leaving something small on the cupboard.

‘I’m leaving the key here.’ He turned back ‘I’ll let you rest now and I’ll send someone to check how you’re doing in a few hours. Maybe bring you some food. You should know that our food is not the tastiest.’

You nodded and closed your eyes, the last thing you heard was him opening and closing the door.

Suddenly you realised you were waking up. Somebody was poking your shoulder. As you opened your eyes and looked to the side, you saw a brown-haired woman with glasses dressed in the Corps uniform, poking your shoulder awkwardly with her index finger.

‘Oh! You’re finally awake.’ She beamed ‘I’m Hange Zoe. Erwin sent me to check on you and help you out.’ Your sweater and medicine had been moved from the nightstand and were replaced by a tray with some food on it. It definitely did not look very good and it seemed like there was enough to feed two people. There were two plates with two different types of stew, two servings of grey-coloured porridge that seemed to have already solidified and two servings of some steamed vegetables. The room was still dark.

‘Are you feeling alright?’ She asked ‘The doctor said it’s fine for you to sleep this long, but I was a bit worried.’ She then turned to the food ‘I brought you lunch, but you didn’t wake up. Did you ever wake up while I wasn’t here? I kept pushing you and pushing you-‘

‘Wait!’ You shot up and winced in pain. You had to reach into your pocket to check for the gun. It was still there, but you didn’t know if she hadn’t searched through your pockets while you slept. ‘It’s night-time? I slept through the whole day?’

She nodded.

‘You didn’t even wake up from the morning call, I assume?’ She asked and you shook your head ‘Kind of impossible to miss.’

You laid back down.

‘You want me to help you sit up?’ She asked gently and you nodded

She helped you eat by putting the tray on top of your extended legs and you had to raise the plates higher because leaning towards them hurt your chest. Unfortunately, the food was cold, but you were so hungry it was easy to ignore.

‘Did I miss dinner as well?’

‘Yeah. It’s almost midnight.’

‘Wow. You don’t need to stay. I’m so sorry. Please, go to sleep.’ You almost blushed in embarrassment ‘You must be tired from your day as a scout.’

She smiled back ‘I’m not that tired and unlike the others I can get up a bit later, because I’m more into research right now than training.’ You had no idea what she meant, but you nodded

You kept on eating on your own, sometimes forgetting you couldn’t lean forward.

‘Erwin said he wanted to talk to you.’ She spoke again ‘He was worried that you don’t have a place to stay.’

You were kind of surprised she spoke of him so informally. You thought the Survey Corps would be very strict and hierarchy would be important. You were also surprised by her chirpy demeanour.

‘I’m going to try living with my cousin.’ You said after swallowing your bite

‘How come you didn’t live with your cousin already?’

‘Why would I?’ You chuckled

‘Erwin said you worked in a sketchy area with some sketchy people. You must have been desperate before too, but you didn’t go to your relatives…’ She was looking at you so inquisitively, it was starting to make you feel uncomfortable. It’s like she was studying you, paying attention to each movement.

‘I was simply not desperate enough, I guess.’ You were breaking the crust of the solidified porridge with the spoon

‘Did you really shoot at a group of people at your workplace?’ She had a giddy smile plastered on her face

‘Yes. With blanks.’ You tried to smile back ‘From far away. I was kind of aiming for the stuff that was on the table. I guess the Commander told you everything.’ You chuckled nervously

‘No, Miche did.’

You kept on eating, but at one point she started looking around confused. She asked to help you remove your coat and instead you asked her to help you later to stand up, so you could hang it somewhere yourself. When you were done eating, that’s what she did.

‘This time I think I’ll lock the door as I sleep.’ You said, hoping she won’t think it’s strange

‘Sure thing.’ She said and prepared to leave ‘I’ll come knock on your door tomorrow morning hopefully you’ll be okay to stand up.’

‘I should be.’

After you closed the door, you locked it and hung your coat on the hook placed on it. You went to sleep after taking one pill from the box the doctor gave you.

The next morning, when Hange came by, it turned out Erwin had decided to join her. You opened the door for them, but it was half against your will because you felt self-conscious. You hadn’t had the opportunity to wash up or get ready at all. For some reason, the idea that Erwin might see you this way made you want to run away, and you hadn’t felt that in a long time.

‘Good morning.’ He said and you noticed a spark in his eyes, his stern demeanour from the night you met had evaporated ‘How have you been?’

You found yourself reflecting the same spark in your eyes. You couldn’t see yourself, but you could feel it. There was a special energy emanating from him, it was something powerful, but also kind and protective. Maybe that was the case, or maybe you were projecting these positive qualities onto him because you found him handsome. Now, in the daylight, without the stress and rush of danger, it was undeniable.

‘I cannot even begin to thank you.’ You said and you noticed your voice was shyer than you were used to ‘I feel like I would have died from exhaustion and pain if it weren’t for you.’

The corners of his lips lifted into a smile.

‘I was told you slept well.’

You nodded, looking up at him.

‘By the way,’ You began ‘I am not going to stay here more than another two days. You said I can, right?’

He shook his head ‘You can stay much longer. I was told you weren’t sure you had somewhere to stay.’

‘Oh, I do.’

‘But you told Hange…’

‘I only meant it will be difficult.’

‘Well, it is not difficult to take care of you here.’ He said ‘Also, I assume you will go back to working a similar job, and you won’t be able to for weeks, if not months.’

You looked down, feeling hopeless once again. This only confirmed that you would be tasked with convincing your cousin you will not be a burden to her. Chances were, nobody would hire you any time soon, and you would struggle to contribute anything to her income.

‘I can’t stay here for free longer than a week. I don’t want to be a burden to you any longer.’ You said this, hoping they would let you stay, but also dreading that their hospitality may be used against you some day

He reached for your shoulder: ‘Don’t worry, Y/n. Tell me, can you read and write well?’

You nodded: ‘I went to university, but I did not complete my studies because… Well, because my parents died.’

He kept quiet for a few seconds: ‘I’m sorry,’ he said ‘I also lost my parents young.’ You gave him a sympathetic smile ‘However, if you can read and write well, and you were educated, you could make yourself useful to me.’ You perked up ‘You could be my secretary. You see, the position was recently freed up.’ He smiled wide this time and as your eyes darted towards Hange, you noticed she looked confused, if not shocked ‘I will not ask you to move around much. You can even work from your bed at the beginning. Not now, of course, let’s give you a week or two of rest. The job will mostly be dealing with admin, checking through documents, summarising things, making me tea or bringing me lunch once in a while. I will bring the materials to you here, so you won’t have to carry them. On top of that you will live and eat here for free and have a wage.’

This all sounded too good to be true and now you were really starting to question his motives. He must have taken some interest in you to be so generous. It reminded you too much of your situation with Jan, a saviour coming to you in your darkest moment, followed by being overworked, underpaid and unprotected. It even sounded like an excuse to come into your bedroom in your most vulnerable state and considering the way he looked at you in the tavern, you were pretty certain his kindness was rooted in lust or some other kind of infatuation. And yet, you told yourself, so what? You have a gun. The idea of keeping the gun close reassured you in every situation. It made you feel invincible. If things ever got out of hand, you could always use the gun to get out.

‘I would love to work here.’ You smiled and noticed that Hange seemed to smile out of politeness, while Erwin seemed genuinely happy. They left you to rest for the rest of the day.

After lunch, Erwin, Miche, Hange and Levi had a meeting in Erwin’s office. They started by discussing the logistics and supplies for the next mission. At some point, Erwin announced he will have a secretary and that the secretary will be you. The room was quiet for a while. Levi raised an eyebrow and Hange pursed her lips, suppressing a laugh.

‘Yes, after all, the position recently ‘freed up’.’ She cackled ‘I wonder what the motive is to hire someone for secretarial work, with no experience, when she would be the secretary of one of the most important men inside the walls.’

‘What do you mean?’ Erwin asked, despite knowing exactly what she meant

‘A beautiful young woman.’ Levi said neutrally ‘Doing the work you have always done for yourself without difficulty. You could have just waited a bit and asked her out on a date. Saving her from that situation is all you would have needed to win her favour. Now you’ll be her boss and you can’t go out with her.’

Erwin actually went numb after he heard all of this. Firstly, because he was surprised how obvious he had made his attraction to you, and secondly because Levi described you as ‘beautiful’ without any reservation.

‘You’re both completely wrong.’ Erwin stated, and he was surprised by how calm and steady he sounded ‘I want to help her because I feel sorry for her. This is the first job I could think of, which would not require her to strain herself.’

‘Why are you two being so harsh?’ Miche intervened ‘Let Erwin live. If he has a crush on Y/n, it’s not a crime. Also, he is doing her a favour and it would be cruel to fire her now. Maybe her presence would serve him well.’

Levi grumbled: ‘What if she messes up important documents?’

‘I won’t keep her if she is terrible at the job.’ Erwin stated

‘Wait.’ Hange said pensively ‘What do you mean her presence would serve him well?’ She turned to Miche

Miche shrugged. ‘Having a pretty girl around might give him more of a motivation to come back. Make the missions less risky. Put some fear in him.’

The room went quiet for a moment, Erwin was bubbling with anger, and trying his best to not show it. It almost felt like Miche was trying to slight him, or remind him of his failures. With Erwin’s suspicions that he was also into you, this was almost too much to take. However, he had to compose himself and think about how right Miche was. He had established a reputation as a ‘devil’ for a reason, and it really was starting to come across as if he did not care about how many scouts died.

He had no intention to let you affect his focus on his dream, but for some inexplicable reason, he felt like he needed you around. He felt there was something special about you as soon as he made eye contact with you when walking down the stairs of the tavern that night. It went beyond lust, or attraction.

‘I’m doing this for her, not for myself. As I said, I feel sorry for her, that’s all’ He lied and his voice took on a more formal tone ‘I am not the one calling her ‘beautiful’, or ‘pretty’. Perhaps, you two are into her and you worry because I am hiring her.’ He turned to Miche in particular

‘Me?’ Miche looked around surprised and Erwin nodded ‘No, not at all. You can acknowledge someone looks good without being into them.’

‘Now that I think about it,’ Levi said ‘You never sniffed her like you do everyone else.’

Miche’s eyes shot open in embarrassment: ‘Are you crazy? I saw she was injured and surrounded by perverts. I wasn’t going to sniff her.’

Hange laughed at this and Erwin smiled, although he was still unconvinced that there was nothing there. Both Levi and Miche had noticed your good looks and were not afraid to state it. One thing was clear, Erwin had to give it his all to convince everyone they were wrong about his intentions. To avoid suspicion, Erwin would not be able to bring the documents to your room when you start work for him. He was going to leave that to Hange and spend as little time with you as possible, until you are able to work in the office.

#ao3 #erwin x reader #attack on titan #erwin smith

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idemida · 5 months ago

Text

The Commander’s Darling | Chapter 2

Reposted from AO3

~ Summary:

You fall in love and lust for each other, but who knows who will give in first.

~ Word Count: 3,459

~ Pairing: Erwin Smith x Reader

~ Tags: slowburn; loveatfirstsight; lustatfirstsight; jealousy; pining

You laid there on the ground, his arms wrapped around you, partially lifting your shoulders off the ground. Your beautiful hair was draped over his forearm. You looked up at him and each of your faces reflected the horror in the face of the other.

His eyes were so beautiful. They were illuminated by the yellow lights of the gas lamps in the tavern. His jaw, his cheekbones, his eyebrows. Although he mostly looked stern, he was a very handsome man. Now you remembered that moment when he laughed, even if he was laughing at you, it was difficult to forget how attractive he looked. Perhaps, you were going back in time because these were your last moments. Your life was flashing backwards, and yet this was the only moment you recalled.

And how beautiful you looked to him. Angelic in your white nightgown, hair splayed out on the floor, your big doe eyes widened in fear. He noticed your eyelashes, your quivering lips. He realised that you will be gone soon and felt guilty for being attracted to you.

Jan and the other two men ran towards you and kneeled on the ground next to you. Jan seemed to be on the verge of tears.

You still held your chest. The point of impact beneath your palm. You felt a protruding bump under your hand and realised something was lodged in your bone. It was a blank, its wad stuck in your chest, as it did not penetrate. You smiled wide. Then a chuckle left your mouth, which shook your chest and caused a sharp pain.

Everybody was dumbfounded, but Jan quickly caught on, especially when you removed your hand from your chest to reveal the protruding bullet.

‘Oh my god!’ Jan half-yelled, tears were streaming down his eyes as he laughed.

‘Can somebody explain?’ Levi looked at Jan confused ‘How did this happen?’

‘It’s a blank.’ You laughed, despite the pain

Erwin’s lips were pursed in a shy smile, as he looked down at you.

‘I genuinely thought you were bullet-proof.’ The brown-haired man said and you laughed again, now starting to groan from the pain

‘I am the luckiest woman on earth!’ You proclaimed, still in Erwin’s arms ‘Even as he spoke to me, I knew I will not die tonight. Nothing will happen to me.’

‘You’re not completely out of the woods yet.’ Erwin said, putting you down on the ground, so you could lay flat ‘Blanks can still cause injuries. You are injured. There’s a bullet in your chest bone. It is possible it is broken, fractured or that a piece of bone may have pierced your lung, which may collapse.’ You looked at him horrified as he stated all of this

‘There may even be a broken rib close to the chest bone.’

‘Are you saying I can still die?’

He paused ‘I am saying a professional needs to look at you and treat the bone and wound.’

Jan started shuffling ‘Yes, but I assume that will cost quite a lot and she can’t afford it.’

You shot him a dirty look.

‘What?’ He stared back ‘Neither can I!’

That was bullshit. You knew he could afford it.

You laid flat on the ground looking at the ceiling. What did this mean? You couldn’t lift heavy stuff, couldn’t sleep on your side, couldn’t bend over, couldn’t jump or run. What if more people came after you when they realise you’re alive? How would you get away?

‘How long does recovery take, Commander?’ You asked

He blinked in surprise at you addressing him this way. He almost didn’t like it, because it was extremely formal.

‘Maybe two months. More, if you do not have a professional look at it. To be honest, I would not even allow you take it out yourself.’

‘Who are you to allow her anything?’ Jan interjected

‘Shut up!’ You spat at him ‘Don’t pretend like you don’t have money for me to get treated! You are the most-‘ You stopped because even raising your voice caused discomfort

Then the brown-haired man intervened: ‘Surely we can take care of it. To an extent. We have some first aid training. We cannot check if it’s fractured, but we will know if it’s broken. We can also check if her lung is alright. And cleaning the wound, we can definitely do that for free.’

‘That’s a good point, Miche.’ Erwin said, at which point your eyes darted behind you in surprise

‘Your name is Miche?’ You asked and he nodded ‘You were by far the most convincing when you lied.’ At which you both laughed, but the pain kept you from continuing.

You looked down at your chest in fear. The bullet was right in the middle of the opening of your nightgown. Erwin cleared his throat suddenly, a nervous energy radiating off of him.

‘Well,’ He began, his voice deeper ‘Who would you pick to have a look?’

You looked at him confused. Everybody was having a look now. Did they all have the same level of experience? You thought one of them would volunteer. Picking one of them made things more awkward.

‘You can tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.’ Jan said

You shook your head. ‘Why would I trust you over people who have first aid training and have been in battle and seen way worse wounds? One of you just do it.’ You looked at Erwin

He immediately took initiative, as if to remove any possibility of somebody volunteering before him. He scooted closer on his knees, next to your shoulder. He asked you to breathe in and tell him if it hurts. It did, right in the middle of the bone, where the bullet was.

‘I will need alcohol, tweezers, some cotton and clean fabric for a bandage.’ He commanded Jan, who complied bitterly

‘It is most likely the bone is broken.’ He said, seeing the disappointment in your face ‘You must not strain yourself, pick up heavy things, or bend much.’ His hands twitched as if he stopped himself from something he was about to do ‘I need to move your clothes around a bit.’

You nodded and his face started to burn. He opened up your nightrobe, and moved the nightdress lower. As Jan returned with the required items, he looked unsettled. You weren’t sure if it was his jealousy, or that he found the injury difficult to look at.

Erwin did his work on you, wiping you, cleaning the wound, inspecting and then bandaging you. You weren’t always sure what he was doing because you chose to look away. It was too embarrassing, and you didn’t want to look at the wound anyway. It scared you. It wasn’t very bloody or gory, but even the idea of it felt like too much to handle.

The alcohol he used to wipe you down was so cold it gave you goosebumps. Thankfully, your arms and legs were covered and nobody could see. He was careful not to rub too hard, so he doesn’t hurt you.

You felt him bandage you and relaxed for a minute.

‘I will need to do something else.’ He said awkwardly and you listened intently for the next step ‘I want to check if your lung has been affected, but I assume you guys don’t have a stethoscope.’

You shook your head, disappointed. This meant you would not be treated properly.

‘Would you be okay with it if I put my ear to your chest and asked you to breathe in and out a few times?’ Erwin asked, looking at the ground.

You wanted to sink into the ground once more. Have his face in your chest? Even if it is just the side of his face, didn’t it sound like it’s too much? You did not even bother to look at Jan.

‘Do it.’ You said quietly

He did just that. Holding you by your shoulder, one hand on the ground next to you, he placed his ear in the middle of your chest, trying not to lean too heavily on you. He instructed you to breathe in and out a few times, your chest growing in his face. After the first two times he had to ask you to do it twice more because he forgot what he was listening for.

There was no irregularity. The breathing was smooth, and the only pain seemed to come from the bone.

‘As you know, I am not a professional.’ Erwin said ‘I cannot make a diagnosis, but I think there may be something wrong.’

Your eyes widened in horror once more. Jan was also visibly perturbed. Erwin almost felt guilty for what he was about to do.

‘I would like to offer you a visit to one of the Survey Corps medics for free. You definitely need to be checked by a real doctor and not just me.’

Levi approached: ‘So there’s actually something that sounds weird in there?’

Erwin nodded, keeping his lying face neutral.

‘There’s a faint whistling sound as she breathes out. I can’t help but worry it may worsen if she was to resume her day-to-day activities.’

Tears started to roll from your eyes, down your temples and into your hair. The crying added a pressure to your chest that was extremely unpleasant.

‘Y/n, please don’t cry.’ Jan said ‘See, he offered you stuff for free.’

You shot him a look.

‘Miss Y/n, it will be morning in a few hours. We can either wait here and call our doctor here, or we can take you now with our carriage to be examined as soon as possible.’ Erwin explained

‘Can I travel if my bone is broken?’

He nodded: ‘Yes. You must keep it straight, though and try not to sleep in the carriage. It will take around an hour for us to reach our destination. And obviously, you’ll probably feel uncomfortable.’

Levi seemed annoyed: ‘But what about the job?’

There was silence in the room. He pulled the two men aside and they whispered something to each other for a minute or so. Then, after nodding a bunch of times and seemingly having reached an agreement, they returned to you and Jan.

‘We’re ready to bring you now’ Miche said

‘What?’ Jan asked ‘All of you? You expect her to leave with a bunch of men she doesn’t know? At night? And injured.’ He looked at you for some support in his argument

For some reason you hadn’t considered all this. You felt like Erwin was simply trying to help, but maybe it would be better to have someone around.

‘Come closer.’ You turned to Jan. He did as you said, and you led his ear closer to your mouth. ‘Help me dress up and give me the gun with the real bullets.’ You whispered

‘Are you kidding?’ He moved away

You shook your head.

‘Why don’t you want me to come with you?’

‘You can’t leave the tavern unattended. Plus, I’m sure the guests upstairs are waiting for an explanation about the gunshot.’ That was just an excuse, the truth was, you weren’t planning on returning. It was too dangerous to stay in a place like this.

Jan huffed and stood up. He started to help you up and although you felt pain in some positions you found that the pain is bearable if you positioned yourself right.

‘Actually, don’t help me dress up. I’ll do it alone.’ You said as you held the bandage in its place

You went upstairs and covered yourself in as many autumn layers as possible, tights, a shirt, a dress, two layers of socks. You still made sure to pick clothes that would give the doctor easy access to the injury, and you figured that after you run away you’ll eventually find a way to replace everything you were leaving behind. You filled your coat’s inner pockets with as many potentially useful objects as you could, like matches, a small sewing kit, scissors, whatever your eye saw first. You made sure that you collected all of your important identification documents and papers. Your safety was more important than any piece of clothing or sentimental object. You even contemplated that you may be homeless for a time, so you draped a thick sweater over your arm, planning the excuse that you took it just in case you feel cold.

You walked downstairs and looked at Jan, expectantly.

‘Can you guys wait for me outside?’ You turned to Erwin who nodded and began to walk up the stairs towards the entrance. After they all left, you reached for the gun with the red label and Jan held the hand that took it.

‘Keep the safety on while it’s in your pocket, okay?’ He said and you nodded. You ensured there were more than three bullets inside and put it in the right, outside pocket of your coat.

‘I’ll see you in a few hours.’ You lied and walked up to the street. He followed you all the way up to the carriage and stayed there until you left. They had left you a seat next to Erwin who was was facing forwards.

‘It will be easier to keep the bone straight that way.’ Erwin explained and you thanked him

Levi was in front of you both, alone, while Miche was the one driving.

You started travelling, and the movements of the carriage on the cobbled streets were definitely making you uncomfortable. An hour’s journey started to feel unachievable.

‘Maybe we should have gotten you a drink before we left. It will make the pain easier to deal with.’ Levi said and you shook your head

‘No, I’m fine.’

‘If you need, we can stop for breaks.’ Erwin said. You were looking out the window, finding it too awkward to look either man in the eyes. Not that you could see them very well in the dark. The only source of light was the street lamps the carriage was passing by.

You travelled in silence for about a minute. It would have been easier if you could fall asleep, then the silence wouldn’t be so awkward, but not only was it not good for your injury, you also didn’t fully trust them after what Jan said. The silence was giving you anxiety.

‘Don’t worry.’ Erwin said ‘This isn’t something that can’t be rectified with a bit of rest.’ He could sense your anxiety, but assumed it’s about the injury and felt guilty that he lied

‘But you said there’s something wrong with my lung.’

You sensed him nodding in the darkness, he was more of a silhouette now.

‘I did, but I examined you without tools and who could say if my anxiety didn’t influence my judgment.’ He continued ‘I couldn’t imagine it would be easy to recover in a place like that and your… I assume boss, doesn’t seem to care much about helping you out.’

You nodded.

‘Thanks. I appreciate it.’ You felt like you could trust him, but the situation still put you in high alert, so you kept your hand in your pocket, holding the gun. Levi was one of the strongest men known to humanity, only a gun could help you against him. There was still a part of you that feared humanity’s heroes may be evil in secret.

‘I mean it’s obvious the guy is into you.’ Levi said, which led to an abrupt head-turn from Erwin ‘You’d think in a situation like this he would rush to play the hero. And I doubt that he actually has no money for an emergency. I mean, he was crying when he thought you might die, but he wouldn’t help you when alive.’

You stifled a laugh: ‘That’s an excellent summary of our relationship.’

Erwin turned towards you, unable to see the smile on your face. However, he could feel a sense of derision. You hated Jan in a sense. He was helpful in the most basic way, but you could tell a life with him would slowly suck all of the vitality out of you. You would never feel protected when it mattered.

‘I told him that.’ You continued ‘I told him that people I barely know are doing more for me.’

There was a lighter atmosphere in the carriage now.

‘Yes.’ Levi said dryly ‘The heroes of the Survey Corps. Everybody simply loves us.’

‘I guess I can go around and sing you praises now, improve your reputation. Not that you have a bad one.’ You said ‘I have heard mostly impressive things about you.’

Erwin laughed ‘I am really curious to know if you have heard anything about me.’

You turned to him, a bit anxious again. ‘Well, I-‘ You stammered, trying to find his eyes in the darkness ‘I have heard that…’

Erwin was waiting patiently. You couldn’t see Levi, but he was amused.

‘I have heard neutral things about you.’

‘Bullshit.’ Levi scoffed

There was silence again.

‘I wonder what your opinion of the Survey Corps is in general.’ Erwin said ‘It wouldn’t affect the treatment, I can assure you of that. Just curious. I mean your fake husband worked for me, after all.’ You could tell he was almost chuckling through the last part

You remained quiet after he said that. You didn’t think much of them at all.

‘I admire your cause, but I try not to hear or read too much about you.’ You decided to say the truth ‘I find most news about the Survey Corps depressing.’ In the end, you realised you shouldn’t have said that, but at the same time you couldn’t justify that much loss of life for any cause. If he chose to throw you out of the carriage, then so be it, you had a gun and you were well-dressed, so you felt confident you’ll be fine. You were planning on going to your cousin, your only living, close relative, so it’s not like you had nowhere to go. The only issue would be reaching her.

You saw his silhouette nod: ‘Yes, I also don’t read the news about us.’

‘But I admire your bravery.’ You said quickly ‘I could never do what you do.’

He turned towards you and there was a warmth between you.

‘I think you could. You seemed very brave back there.’

You scoffed at that.

‘I was very afraid.’

‘But you managed to control it.’ Levi interjected ‘That is admirable, and either way, that’s what a good scout is expected to do.’

‘Are you trying to recruit me?’

A street light illuminated Levi as the carriage made a turn. You saw him shrug: ‘I mean you could join when you recover, if you want to.’

You couldn’t believe it. I guess they saw your circumstances and assumed you would have nothing to look forward to, but die. Being part of the scouts meant death, surely. It honestly felt kind of careless and insulting. You weren’t the soldiering type, and tonight was out of character anyway.

‘I have no such aspirations, thank you.’ You said and felt him shrug again

You felt very safe at this point, and also less awkward despite the exchange. Mostly because you could feel a positive energy around them. You were no longer on edge.

‘When’s the next expedition?’ You asked

‘A month.’ They both answered

You hummed in agreement. ‘It would be useful, for the next time I lie about Felix Becker.’

‘But you left the ring.’ Erwin said quickly and your eyes widened in surprise that he noticed ‘You never put it on after the injury.’

You felt exposed all of a sudden. That ring always felt like some false sense of safety. And yet, you weren’t planning on returning. Jan could fill up his other gun with real bullets, but it would be cruel to keep his dead mother’s wedding ring.

‘Yes.’ You confirmed ‘I didn’t notice.’ You rubbed your naked ring finger ‘I guess I will have to stop lying.’

Erwin turned towards you, hoping you would continue, but you never did.

You travelled for what felt like ages, but it was probably only an hour as he said. You made some smalltalk, spoke to them about their work, about the titans, which you had never seen thankfully. There were a few awkward moments of silence, but it was fine overall. They both seemed to know instinctively when you were close to arriving, without looking out the window. The carriage stopped and they started walking out.

Miche opened your door and helped you out, taking your hand. Erwin saw this, and kept quiet. He thought he would be the one doing this, but he didn't reach you on time.

#ao3 #erwin x reader #attack on titan #erwin smith

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idemida · 5 months ago

Text

The Commander’s Darling | Chapter 1

Reposted from AO3

~ Summary:

You fall in love and lust for each other, but who knows who will give in first.

~ Word Count: 3,804

~ Pairing: Erwin Smith x Reader

~ Tags: slowburn; loveatfirstsight; lustatfirstsight; jealousy; pining

You sat behind the bar of the inn that night as per usual, reading a book. The book was not particularly interesting, but it was mostly an excuse to look away from the men at the tables. The lower ground where you worked that night was usually used as a tavern, always full of rowdy, drunken men, who had no respect for your boundaries. The only thing that made them pay you a semblance of respect was the fake wedding band on your left ring finger, and your boss Jan.

Jan had taken you in after your parents died from a plague that had taken over most of your neighbourhood. The tragedy uprooted all your plans and you could not finish your studies at the local university. Now, you worked for Jan, who not only had an obsessive infatuation with you, but also did not treat you all that well. You often wondered if he took you in simply because he spotted the opportunity to have a slave, that would serve the drinks, clean the inn’s rooms, cook, and act as some sort of perverse attraction for the customers and himself. He acted like the free shelter and food was a sufficient wage and gave you money that could suffice for very little. Certainly not enough to get back on your feet and leave him. Although he seemed harmless at first, a friendly and unassuming young man, offering you safety, you could always sense him looking at you in a way that signalled a patience running dry. One time, around a month before, he had gotten drunk and grabbed you and kissed you on the lips. When he tried to slip his tongue in, you pinched him, and it was as if he sobered up. He had tried his best to grab and touch as much of you as possible. However, he dumbly excused himself by saying that in his drunken state he had confused you for someone else.

You tolerated it all due to your desperation.

As you poured people more drinks you felt him follow your movements. You poured a drink while looking at him. His neutral face changed to a sweet smile, but despite this, the energy that radiated off of him was a negative one. A jealous one. He had given you his dead mother’s wedding band to ‘help’ you ward off unwanted suitors, but you weren’t sure what to do about him.

Jan climbed the stairs to the second floor, leaving you alone down there. In that moment, the bell rang as the door to the tavern opened, and a group of rather intimidating men walked down the stairs that led from the main entrance towards your floor.

They definitely looked different to the men you were used to seeing in that place. Less dishevelled, more serious, but not in a way that warranted they could ever start a fight with anyone. They were wearing normal autumn coats, but in pristine condition, as if none of them had ever worn them before. There were three of them, a blonde tall man, a short black-haired one and another tall brown-haired man whose fringe draped over his forehead like curtains. As soon as you turned towards them you saw the blonde man’s eyes turn from focussing on the surroundings to concentrating on you. The way he stared into your eyes was a little intense, but you were used to being looked this way by the regulars in the tavern.

You moved away from the table to welcome them. You usually did this as neutrally as possible to not encourage flirtation.

‘Welcome! Are you staying with us tonight?’

‘Yes.’ The blonde man replied instantaneously, in a serious tone

‘Well,’ you smiled, you usually were more polite with inn customers ‘This is the price for one room with two beds for one night.’ You pointed to the black board with the menu, which also included the prices for the inn ‘We only have one room free tonight and there’s three of you. I don’t know if that's okay with you.’

‘It is.’ The blonde man said and you could see the corners of his mouth lift up slightly as if he was about to laugh

‘There’s two beds, and we can only give you a rug for the third person, with a blanket. Breakfast is part of the price, but it is not a massive meal.’

‘Everything is fine. Our friend over here sleeps in a chair. If you don’t mind providing that.’ He pointed at the short man

‘There’s a chair in there already.’ You said, going behind the counter and getting the big book out. The blonde man paid for one night for all three members of the group.

“Let me write down your names in our book.” You asked, looking at the blonde man

There was a pause.

‘Franz Enchel.’ The blonde man said

The short man then said “My name is Levi. Levi Enchel.’ The blonde man’s head turned towards Levi as if to scold him

‘We’re cousins and he hates me tonight.’ Levi explained

You chuckled to acknowledge his joke, and turned towards the third man, realising that the blonde man’s gaze was still intensely on you.

‘I’m Bruno Wagner.’ The brown-haired man said, smiling at you

You could tell they were using fake names. Which only put you on edge, but you tried your best to seem friendly. You put the book back under the counter, and turned around to the notification system. There was a pedal that led to a bell on the upper floor, with which you could call Jan without shouting his name or leaving the counter unattended.

‘I’ll just call Jan to show you to your room.’ You said, but the blonde man did not seem happy

‘No, no. We will have a drink down here first.’ He said, which you liked even less, because you could see his obvious attraction to you and you did not like it when men that were attracted to you got drunk

‘Well, what would you like?’

‘Whatever is cheapest.’ He said, which almost made you roll your eyes

‘Three ales, then.’ You pointed to the menu, so they could see the price and you noticed that he paid for all three once again ‘Please sit over there and I will serve you.’ You pointed towards the only free table in the tavern, which was right next to the rowdiest group of men

As you poured the drink you saw the short man and the brown-haired man conversing, but the blonde one was still looking at you. You started to question if his gaze was on you not because he was attracted, but because he was sizing up the environment and how much they could take advantage of you and the inn. It was extremely suspicious that they were using fake names, but you were also starting to doubt yourself. Perhaps those were their real names, and you were just being paranoid. You walked towards them, holding the three ales by the handles with both hands. You served one of them to each man and as you began to walk away, one of the men at the table next to them grabbed you by the hip to turn you towards him.

‘Dearie, (Y/n), can I also have another ale?’ He said. It was Rich. A frequent customer, who was almost always a trouble-maker.

You slapped his hand away. ‘Yes, but I need the money now.’

‘Pour it for me, dearie, and I will pay here at the table. Don’t pull me away from my friends.’

You had many issues with Rich in the past, he was by far the most touchy out of all the men that frequented the tavern. He always touched your hips to direct you towards him and there was even a time he slapped your ass lightly as you served him his drink. You had slapped him back on his face, but all he did was laugh. Jan had told him off multiple times, but they were friends and Rich did not take him seriously. He definitely did not take your wedding band seriously, because he recognised it to be someone else’s.

You poured his drink, served it to him and he paid at the table. As he did that his hand reached towards your back and you slapped it away.

‘Why did your husband leave you here, dearie.’ Rich chuckled and you noticed he was saying it as a statement and not a question ‘A pretty one like you should not be so easily discarded. Maybe there’s something wrong with you that we do not see. A shrew, perhaps?’ He laughed as he downed his drink

You noticed that the blonde man was watching from the side. Their table was incredibly quiet. Hardly drinking, mostly observing.

‘Give me another one.’ Rich said as you walked away

‘Pay.’ You said sternly

‘What is this?’ His eyebrows furrowed ‘Why am I being treated so suspiciously? As if I am a thief.’

‘Don’t act like you haven’t refused to pay for your drinks in the past.’

As you went to pour his drink you felt everyone was watching you and you hated it. When you reached him, he slapped your ass.

This time you had had enough. You slapped him across the face and hit him with the cup, spilling the drink on top of him in the process. He got up and grabbed you by the neck, eyes squeezing because of the drink dripping from his forehead, but you continued beating him. He pushed you away; he was so strong he practically threw you.

‘You are a disgusting little whore. Acting all high and mighty as if you aren’t here doing Jan all kinds of favours.’ Your eyes narrowed at his words ‘Why should I not have my way with you right here right now?’

You were horrified. There was no reason why he should not. There was nobody to defend you and he had already demonstrated how much stronger he was than you.

The blonde man with the fake name then asked: ‘Should we kick him out?’

‘Kick me out?’ Rich started yelling ‘Who the fuck does this guy think he is?’ He looked at his friends ‘We are repeat customers. Jan’s friends. And there’s five of us and three of them.’

The blonde man looked towards you to gauge your reaction. You were trying to hide your fear as much as you can. You looked really weak right now and although you were grateful someone volunteered, you felt like you had to scare him off yourself for the moments when a helper may not be around.

‘We can take you all down easy.’ Levi interjected, ignoring you completely

‘No!’ You said ‘It’s fine.’

There were two pistols behind the counter, and you decided you will use one of them tonight. One of them had a red label stuck on its handle, the other a blue one. The red one was completely normal, a pistol that could kill instantaneously, and the blue one had blanks. Depending on the distance, it could cause injury, but from far away, it would only cause a bruise.

Jan had told you where they were kept, just in case the chaos in the tavern needed to be regulated. He had taught you to use the blanks as a warning shot and then bluff to kick the troublemakers out.

You went behind the counter and took them out of the locked cupboard, without revealing them to everyone yet.

‘Rich, I want you to leave. You finished your drink and there is no reason for you to stay any longer. You are not welcome to order anything else.’ You tried your best to hide your anxiety

‘You cannot decide who is welcome or not. You are not in charge!’ He shouted

‘I will shoot you if you don’t leave.’ You took the pistols out

He paused for a second. The whole room fell silent.

‘I don’t believe you.’ He smirked ‘You don’t have what it takes to shoot.’

Immediately you opened fire with the blanks, messing up the cups on the table he was sat on. All the men at his table ducked to the ground, terrified and as he reached the ground, he scurried away, crawling towards the exit. You demonstratively sent a blank his way as he was running to really emphasise your point: they should not mess with you again.

Jan soon appeared on your floor.

‘What the fuck is going on?’

He saw you with the two pistols and you could see the horror in his face.

‘I had to kick Rich out.’ You explained. He ran towards you as if to get the weapons out of your hand ‘He was causing trouble again.’

Jan asked you to explain what happened, and you complied by whispering it in his ear, all the while feeling everyone’s eyes on you.

Jan did not seem very happy though. He did not seem to think this was reason enough to shoot.

‘You know how he gets when he is drunk.’ Jan said dumbly

‘Why should I have to tolerate?’ You asked in whispered anger ‘People that I hardly know are willing to do more for me than you, Jan.’

You looked at the blonde man and decided to do something unprecedented. You left the pistols with Jan and poured three new cups of the most expensive ale the tavern offered. You brought it to the blonde man’s table.

‘I am treating you to these drinks, for offering to help me out.’ You said and as you bent to serve it to them, you could feel a massive difference in the way the three men looked at you. Levi and ‘Bruno’, seemed happier about the drinks, while the blonde man seemed to not even listen to you as you spoke. His eyes were so intently burrowed into yours, you started to feel uncomfortable. It was obvious he did as well, because he looked away for the first time.

‘Thank you.’ He said ‘But I guess your husband was not happy about it.’

You were confused. He saw the confusion on your face and nodded towards Jan to show you what he meant.

You shook your head: ‘Jan is not my husband.’

Then you walked away. You told Jan you will be retiring for the night and you went to your room to get ready for bed. It was past midnight, and you knew that by this time, Jan liked to clear the tavern out. The noise from downstairs was lessening and you were getting ready for sleep.

Then a knock was heard on your door. As you walked out you saw Jan with a gas lamp, a bit worried.

‘Y/n, I need you to come downstairs.’ He whispered ‘That man, Franz, is doing some kind of interrogation. He wants to ask us questions and he wants you present.’

You were shocked. You knew there was something going on, but you were not expecting to find out so soon.

You put on your white robe and followed Jan downstairs.

The blonde man’s eyes looked you up and down once again as you arrived. You regretted not dressing up properly for this. You had forgotten the way he looked at you, there was no need to encourage him with your nightdress. Although it wasn’t lust written on his face, he definitely didn’t look at Jan the same way.

‘Miss Y/n.’ The blonde man started ‘Tell us your surname.’

You were surprised to hear him say your name so casually. He either remembered it from when Rich used it or Jan must have mentioned it just now. You told him your surname and sat opposite him. Jan stood next to you, hand on your shoulder.

‘I would like to know if a man named Kenny Ackermann has been here in the past.’ He said ‘He is quite tall, usually wears his brown hair long, down to his neck, light eyes...’

‘Arrogant and annoying fucker.’ Levi interjected

You felt so uneasy. They had given you no indication you should trust them or that you should, by law, share this information with them.

‘Are you from the police?’

‘Something like that.’ Levi answered ‘But even if we weren’t, aren’t we allowed to look for an old friend?’

‘I have never heard of him or seen him. Not that you gave me a detailed description.’ You shrugged ‘I must say it is possible that he was here and I did not know his real name. But as far as I know, I have never seen him here.’

‘He is often seen in the company of a blonde woman.’ Levi added

You still shrugged: ‘We don’t get many women here.’

The blonde man was getting ready to speak, then he paused as if contemplating whether he should say what he planned. ‘I would like to speak to your husband.’

You looked down at your fake wedding band.

‘He is not here.’

The question on the blonde man’s face was obvious, so you went with your usual lie.

‘He is currently on an expedition with the Survey Corps.’

The blonde man pursed his lips, as if in disappointment. ‘I am afraid your husband lied to you, miss.’

Jan quickly interjected: ‘She is no ‘miss’. She is married.’

The blonde man nodded: ‘Yes.’ He smiled. You realised he had called you that before and you never corrected him ‘But her husband lied to her. The Corps are not on an expedition currently.’

You looked up at him, deciding to play dumb.

‘Goodness, that is what he told me. I guess if they are not, he really must have lied to me.’ You tried to pretend you were shocked and sad

‘Could we have his name?’ He asked

You paused, in the same way he paused when you asked him his name.

‘Felix Becker.’

There was a pause again, his eyes narrowed.

‘You did not take his surname?’

Your cheeks started to burn, you were caught in your lie and you knew you would struggle to get out of it because you could not think straight.

‘I didn’t.’

There was silence in the room, so you chuckled out of nerves. ‘I guess I was right not to, because he turned out to be a liar.’

The blonde man smiled, and you noticed the other two were containing a chuckle.

‘You are the liar.’ The blonde man stated simply ‘There is no such man in the Survey Corps.’

Your eyes widened. ‘And you know every man on the corps? I doubt that.’

He laughed, this time louder, and it was the first time his face lost its seriousness, which strangely put you at ease despite the situation: ‘I know every man and woman in the Corps, because I am their commander and you would be surprised how small our numbers are.’

You wanted to sink into the ground. Your face was so hot. You felt your skin become hot from your forehead to the opening of your robe. You realised the man who called himself Levi, was the well-known Levi Ackerman.

‘I admit, I lied to you as well, because my name is actually Erwin Smith.’ But then he got serious again ‘However, it is very important to find out the truth about your husband.’

You looked down and took off the ring, which he was definitely surprised by.

‘I am not married.’ You admitted ‘I wear this, so the men in the tavern will leave me alone.’

Levi and the other man seemed disappointed by this revelation because it meant their lead was not a lead at all, but Erwin smiled and nodded. You looked at Jan and noticed that he was focussed intently on Erwin’s face. You put the ring on the table, which made him look at your hands.

‘Jan, can you confirm this?’

‘What?’

‘That she is not married?’ Erwin asked ‘That everything she said is the truth?’

‘Kenny Ackermann has never been here. I have heard of him, but more as a legend.’ There was a grave pause in the room, with Erwin giving Jan a long, intense look. ‘No, she is not married.’ Jan said sternly ‘I gave her that ring.’

Suddenly the front door burst open and Rich ran inside, enraged. He seemed even more drunk than before. His eyes locked in on yours and he ran towards you, almost growling.

Jan intercepted him and they got into a scuffle. You got up briskly and the chair fell behind you. You were frozen in fear. You saw from your peripheral that the Survey Corps men also got up, but they stayed out of the fight. Jan could not contain Rich’s anger, he got away from his hold and saw that the two pistols were still out behind the bar. He grabbed them and pointed one of them towards you.

‘I will not be embarrassed by a good-for-nothing little bitch like you.’ He growled ‘I am going to offer you a choice. Either sleep with me, or I will blow your brains out.’

Everything was quiet after he said that. For some reason you were not afraid. You were both in a state of disbelief and in full acceptance. You felt like you would not die tonight, but also fully accepted that you might.

You looked into Rich’s enraged, reddened eyes and said: ‘Kill me.’

There was a shift in his wrist, but Erwin interjected.

‘Wait!’ He yelled ‘Let me talk to you first. Y/n here has just told us that this situation with you tonight has convinced her she can’t do this job anymore. She wants to leave this town forever, disappear, and move somewhere else within the walls. You can tell people you have killed her without killing her. We are from the military police. I am willing to pay out of my own pocket for an empty grave with her name in your local graveyard to keep up the lie.’ Rich was listening to him speak, with no change in his enraged demeanour ‘You don’t need to kill her.’

The room was silent for a few seconds, for what felt like minutes. You felt ready to die. Your face was neutral, but if anything, your lack of fear made Rich angrier.

‘How am I supposed to live, knowing she might want to return someday and embarrass me again?’ Rich asked and fired the gun at you. The bullet hit you right in the middle of your chest. Your hand reached for the point of impact. As you collapsed slowly to the ground, Rich threw the pistols to the ground and ran away. You fell and realised you were being held by Erwin’s arms.

#erwin x reader #erwin smith #ao3 #attack on titan

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