underratedandoverit

[underratedandoverit]

i got two likes on the post asking if i should post this lmao so here you go

very little drabble about some brotherly shenanigans with kip and nick ~

"Do we have to do this?"

Kip raised a brow but didn't hide the smirk tucking at the corner of his lips.

"Oh come on, Nicky. Are you going to chicken out now?"

Nick pouted at him, hugging his arms a little closer to his chest as he glanced away for a moment.

"It's going to be fun, I promise."

"But what if Christian finds out?"

Kip snorted, quickly grinning again as Nick shot a glare in his direction.

"Well he doesn't need to know. Besides, who cares if he does? You do want to do this, right?"

Nick sighed, brushing a hesitant hand through his hair. Kip offered him a softer smile.

"It won't hurt, I promise."

"...Fine."

Kip's face light up, a hand quickly appearing on Nick's shoulder as Kip pushed him down to sit on the chair next to him before reaching for the piercing gun on the table, starting to fidget with it.

Nick knew his mom was going to kill him when she found out he got his ears pierced, by Kip nonetheless, but he couldn't help thinking that maybe a little rebellious act would help them realize what a good kid they were trying to throw away.

[underratedandoverit]

Ugly sweaters for Kip and his Clementine

511 words orangekip (kip sabian/orange cassidy) prompt list here

no warnings, just them being sappy and sweet. yay holidays 💜

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“Kip, we have to leave now or we’re going to be late!”

Cassidy checked his phone clock again, sighing a little at the footsteps coming from upstairs. He usually wasn’t this stressed out about having to be in places in time or anything, especially when it came to just going to a gathering with friends and co-workers, but something about today felt special. Maybe it was the special occasion of it being a work related holiday party, something Cassidy usually avoided at all costs, just saying he was busy or he just didn’t show up without an explanation because he just didn’t care that much.

So maybe it was because this year was the first time in a long time he was going to participate in something like this… Or more likely, it was because this was the first year he was doing something like this with Kip. Together. As a couple. In front of everyone else.

Their relationship wasn’t a secret or anything, but the holidays felt like it was putting a new kind of twist in it somehow. Getting festive, decorating the house, getting gifts, talking about visiting family and seeing relatives… It was slowly bleeding over to their work life as well, Kip regularly asking him if they were giving gifts to others this year or showing up to holiday parties together.

Like tonight.

Finally the steps approaching him down the stairs snapped Cassidy out of his thoughts, eyes shooting up the stairs towards the sound. A little smile tucked at the corner of his lips as he watched Kip brush his hands through his hair, tying up the high half bun he had gotten accustomed to in the recent weeks, as he made his way down the stairs.

Cassidy chuckled at him a little bit, Kip tilting his head curiously before leaning closer to peck a little kiss on his lips as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

“What?”

“I thought I told you we were supposed to wear ugly Christmas sweaters.”

Kip raised a brow, looking down at himself, clearly confused as he brushed his now free hands over the Star Wars themed sweater he was wearing. As he looked back up after a while, Cassidy was clearly smiling at him, leaning closer to wrap his arms around Kip’s neck, twirling a free coil of his silver hair around his finger.

“But it’s the right kind of sweater, right?”

Cassidy chuckled softly, leaning in for a quick, sweet kiss.

“It is,” he finally stated, watching a quick look of relief washing over Kip’s face. “It’s just a shame you make everything look so damn good I don’t know if that’s going to count exactly.”

Kip’s expression finally softened as he registered the words in his mind, a quiet chuckle leaving his lips as well before Cassidy leaned in for another kiss. He pulled away with a little smile, giving Kip one more glance over before he finally nodded his head.

“You looking so good is the perfect excuse to be a little late tonight though.”

[underratedandoverit]

best you ever had

orangekip (orange cassidy/kip sabian) 455 words

put a mature rating on it. heavily implied sexual content and tension, sub/dom undertones most definitely. fade to black tho so theres not really anything but if you like reading between the lines then heyyyyyy

also on ao3

(none of my taglist is active on tumblr so uuuh if you'd like to be included in occasional fic posts lemme know or whatever lmao)

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“You look so beautiful,” Cassidy hummed at him, batting his eyelashes a little as he looked down at Kip. He got a quiet moan back as a response, the smile growing a few notches on Cassidy’s lips. “All set up and ready to play.”

Kip whined at him quietly, Cassidy just watching him as he was sitting there, on the floor between Cassidy’s legs, on his knees, big eyes looking back at him. Begging, quietly pleading with him. Chest rising and falling almost too rapidly, a clear sign that Cassidy’s attempts to rile something out of him was working in his favor.

He hummed again, reaching a hand closer to Kip, carding his fingers through his silver hair. The moan that left him was shameless, Kip desperately trying to get everything he wanted out of that touch; leaning his whole head into it, against Cassidy’s palm, eyes fluttering shut at the minor fulfillment of that desperate need.

A smirk teased itself in the corner of Cassidy’s lips as he watched Kip’s shoulder twitching a little, followed by a quiet sound as he realized the arms tied behind his back weren’t going to move how he wanted them to, despite how desperately he wanted to reach for Cassidy’s hand to guide it elsewhere where Kip wanted it to be.

“Now now,” he smiled, brushing his hand through Kip’s hair again, hearing him whimper quietly. “You have been so good. You won’t get rewarded if you start acting up now.”

Cassidy balled a handful of Kip’s hair, a cry of clear pain melting into a puddle of pleasure escaping from Kip as Cassidy gently laid his head against the inside of his thigh. Kip was breathing heavy, Cassidy almost feeling the hotness of his breath through the canvas of his jeans.

Kip may have not had the words to speak right now, but he didn’t have to. The flushed face, the begging eyes, and the quiet pleads leaving him were telling Cassidy more than enough he needed to know tonight.

He leaned down, closer towards Kip, hand still in his hair pulling his head back to force him to look up at him.

“Open your eyes.”

Kip whined, but obeyed. Cassidy could see the tears forming in the corner of his eyes, but the needy look plastered all over his face, the lips parted as quiet pants escaped from him, told him a whole different story on how Kip was feeling about this.

“My beautiful little slut.”

Kip moaned loudly at the mere words, feeling Cassidy press a little kiss on his forehead before he leaned down to whisper into his ear.

“Maybe you can use that mouth for more than just making those gorgeous sounds tonight.”

[underratedandoverit]

457 words orangekip (orange cassidy/kip sabian)

i havent done things in a while but heres a little thing. its just soft, a little teasing. based on the fact that ocs hair is a bit longer now so thoughts were had tonight with no regrets

As soon as Cassidy closed the locker room door behind him, he could feel a hand reaching out for him. Considering all his team mates had been in the ring or at ringside with him tonight, it didn’t take long for his mind to put the pieces together as the fingertips softly brushed against his arm, trailing down to his hand to grab up, pulling him closer for a soft kiss.

“You looked amazing out there,” Kip mumbled against his lips, Cassidy letting out a soft laugh. His hand quickly brushed through Kip’s hair, making him break the kiss as he pulled away a little, bright eyes observing Cassidy carefully. “Congrats on winning. ...Again.”

Cassidy leaned in to give him another peck, humming into the kiss a little bit. “Missed you though. I wish you could be out there with me.”

“It is what it is,” Kip just shrugged it off, clearly not wanting to draw the attention to him in the moment. Instead, Cassidy could feel those familiar, yet curious hands carefully traveling up his arms, cupping his cheeks for a brief moment as Kip pulled him closer for a deeper kiss before slipping the arms around his neck. Cassidy didn’t resist, just smiled at him as he let Kip take the lead. It was an unusual change of pace, but not an unwelcomed one for sure.

Kip’s fingertips crawled up his neck, sending soft shivers down Cassidy’s spine. He could feel Kip’s fingers spinning coils of his hair around them, before he chuckled quietly to break the kiss for a moment.

“Your hair is getting long.” Kip smiled at him, brushing a quick hand through it before returning it to Cassidy’s neck. “I like it.”

Before Cassidy could reply, he felt a soft tug of his hair, watching as Kip’s observant eyes widened at him a little at the soft but clear whimper Cassidy let out. The soft smile was back on Kip’s lips fast though, and yet he repeated the gesture, Cassidy biting his lower lip to prevent another unwanted sound slipping out of him.

“Well then. I think I know why that is.”

Kip was clearly teasing him, absolutely knowing what he was doing. The faint blush dusting Cassidy’s cheeks was probably a dead giveaway on how much he had enjoyed that particular touch too. But almost too fast Kip’s hands left his skin, him leaning in for another quick kiss as he smiled at Cassidy, watching a slightly more annoyed look cross his face at the sudden loss of the soft affection.

“Get cleaned up babe,” Kip stated, Cassidy not being able to ignore the little flirt in his accented voice. “I think we need to carry this on somewhere more private.”

[underratedandoverit]

When The Water Is Warm, So Are My Feelings For You

zack/chris, 520 words. rated mature for the implications and the things leading to the fade to black, but its really just a soft sensual moment between the two of them sharing a bath 💜

[underratedandoverit]

hi have a lil collection of zack/chris fics i finally got around uploading yayy all rated mature but its the all-smoke-but-no-fire type of stuff. theres implications but no actual act. read the tags that are probably lacking but i cant brain at 4am anymore ough

handle me so right

i can become anything under your touch

i want to show you

how i look at you is something i cant explain

[underratedandoverit]

handle me so right

519 words chris brookes/zack sabre jr

brainworms have been strong lately. and this was before we watched the match from april fool where they smooched lmao. this was also written for a private au but since it doesnt say anything linking it up to that you'll just get it as it is, as a standalone piece

a very non-explicit spice warning. lots of implied things, but nothing is shown. chris is just a good little slut that enjoys pain (but i dont enjoy writing acts ssoooo). i still hope this is anything cause i really like it ;;

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate (i think you wanted to be tagged into everything i dont remember ough) @ss-trashboat

on ao3

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Chris felt his back hit the bed, a soft moan escaping from him as Zack’s arms unwrapped themselves from around his waist, reminding him that he needed to be carried into this position. He felt the blond’s hands running down his bare chest, over his abdomen, brushing against his hips, the touch making Chris wince a little as he heard his own breathing hitch.

“Zack…”

The voice was quiet, but the blond replied to it with a quiet hum, the rest of his reply drowning under the first, almost obscenely loud moan Chris let out as Zack’s lips connected with the skin on his hips, right where the bruises were slowly forming from their previous encounter of this nature. Zack’s smile was obvious against his skin, his lips taking care of the parts he had decorated for Chris moments earlier while the brunet had been begging Zack to give it to him harder and faster than he had probably ever begged in his life.

“You’re so beautiful,” Zack mumbled between the kisses, Chris barely registering the words over the almost nauseatingly euphoric sensation of pain shooting through him as Zack’s lips made contact with his fresh bruises, making him moan loudly. “Absolutely stunning. Gorgeous.”

New praise and word of love between every kiss, Chris felt his head already swimming. He had barely had time to come down from the previous high, already being pushed on the edge again by Zack. By his own request, obviously, this was absolutely what he wanted, craved, yearned for, but hearing it was still making his head spin, his heart beat just a little bit faster at every syllable.

He didn’t even notice his hands grabbing Zack’s hair, trying to guide his mouth just where he wanted it to be so desperately. Only after Zack stopped leaving soft, teasing kisses on his hips, slowly afterwards pulling up and pulling Chris into a real kiss on his lips, his awareness was back on the situation at hand.

“You look amazing all flustered up.”

If Chris could have blushed deeper, he would have, but he knew that task to be impossible. Eyes still closed, just enjoying the feeling of having Zack close, hovering above him, leaving little kisses on his face, his lips, the corner of his mouth. Knowing how obviously aware he was of Chris’ desperation over him was just making it so much harder to resist him.

“Just give me a bit more time to admire you. Everything in due time, darling.”

Darling.

Chris slowly fluttered his eyes open, that one word echoing in his mind as his hands tightened their grab in Zack’s hair, pulling him into another kiss. Deep, heated. Full of nothing but love and adoration for the man that had decided to show him the kind of love and respect Chris yearned so deeply that he could barely put into words.

Darling.

As they parted for air, Chris inhaled deeply, darkened lustful eyes landing on Zack as his lips turned into a craving smile.

“I can be so pretty for you if you just fuck me right, right now.”

[underratedandoverit]

Too Afraid To Fly Cause They Want Me To Fall

995 words orangekip (orange cassidy/kip sabian)

first of all, required listening for this fic second, im not over the possibility of kip being the only safe haven left for oc after the best friends break up and betrayal so im gonna run with this thought since tk (the coward) isnt giving it to me on my television. we have a whole au about this thing so consider this a part of that but i doubt im posting more in that any time soon so just. look at this thing lmao

hurt/comfort, on the emotional side. late night anxiety and kissing it away. just a lot of questioning about the realness of things and relationships and such. all with a happy ending. thats it 💜💜💜

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate

on ao3

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Cassidy held his breath as he felt the bed shifting next to him. As far as he knew in the moment, Kip thought he was asleep; it had been what felt like hours since he had gotten into bed, claiming to be exhausted and wanting to get a head start on sleep since it was finally a calm weekend of just being at home for him. Kip didn’t seem to think anything of it, just kissing his cheek and wished him good night before returning to the stream room so his potential yelling wouldn’t bother Cassidy’s attempt at getting some rest.

But the truth was definitely more complicated than that. Not that Cassidy would admit it, but he wasn’t even nearly as tired as he was claiming to be. Or maybe he was, but it surely didn’t feel like it with the thoughts racing in his mind all day, and all night, honestly.

All he really wanted was to lay in the darkness, let the thoughts slip out of his mind in the shape of tears forcing their way out of him, not make Kip aware of the pain still pushing through in his chest.

It had been weeks. Months. And yet it felt like it was only yesterday when the Best Friends had fallen apart. Time moved in a haze in Cassidy’s mind, he saw the calendar pages change but it didn’t mean anything anymore; every day felt the same, whether it was going through the motions of a free day at home, traveling for work, being at work. The routine was a highly welcomed numbing sensation, but at the same time it hurt more than he cared to admit.

Cassidy could feel Kip’s arms slipping under his blanket, hand grabbing his, other arm sliding underneath him and around his waist. Kip didn’t care if he was asleep or not, he was going to get in as close and personal as possible, knowing the issues Cassidy still had sleeping alone. The blond felt himself being pulled against Kip’s chest, a soft little kiss being pressed to the back of his neck.

He shivered, unwillingly.

“…Hey.”

The soft whisper left Cassidy’s lips before he could stop himself. Something about Kip’s soft gestures despite thinking he was asleep got to him, temporarily lowering that wall he had built around himself when it came to letting anyone get too close again.

Somehow Kip always seemed to manage to crash through it, however.

“Mmhhmm?” Kip sounded sleepy, mumbling against the back of Cassidy’s neck, making the blond swallow thickly. He could feel Kip gently squeezing his hand, pressing another kiss against the exposed skin on his neck.

“Do you… Do you think we’re going to be okay?”

Cassidy regretted the words as soon as he felt Kip moving, snuggling his head close so it rested on Cassidy’s shoulder, the Brit humming quietly in his ear.

“Why wouldn’t we be?”

He didn’t really know, but the feeling in his gut that Kip wasn’t going to like his answer grew up stronger with every passing silent second as Cassidy tried to form some sort of sensible order of words in his head.

“Clementine?”

“…Do you really love me?”

Kip’s arm disappeared from around his waist, his head leaving Cassidy’s shoulder as he sat up. The blond froze in place, not entirely sure how to react. He could feel Kip’s eyes on him, observing, studying him, trying to find the place where those questioning words came from.

“Of course I do. What… Did something happen?”

He thought about it for a moment, slowly shaking his head as Cassidy sat up as well. Even in the dark bedroom, it was impossible to hide the forming tears from Kip’s overly observant gaze, it taking no time for him to wrap his arms around Cassidy and pull him into a tight embrace.

He was going to hate how those tears stained the shoulder of his shirt, Cassidy knew that, but he just couldn’t pull away.

“I just… After everything…”

Kip gently hushed him at the first hiccup that cut him off, pressing a soft kiss to Cassidy’s temple. He let the tears flow freely, for the first time after what felt like days, maybe weeks, the shaky breaths ghosting down Kip’s chest.

“Of course I love you. You’re my sweet Clementine.”

Another kiss, into his hair. Cassidy hiccuped quietly.

Sweet Clementine.

“There’s nothing that could stop me from loving you.”

He cried maybe a little bit more than before, Cassidy honestly wasn’t sure anymore. The bedroom, the darkness, it all became a blur, he could feel nothing but Kip’s lips on him, Kip’s arms around him.

His soft heartbeat against Cassidy’s chest.

“I know it’s difficult to believe after everything… But I would never lie to you.”

Cassidy could feel Kip pulling away slightly, one hand slipping to his face. The thumb rubbing his cheek stained it with tears in a feeble attempt to wipe them away, but the smile Cassidy could barely see on Kip’s face through them was enough to calm his mind anyway.

“I love you. Forever.”

The floodgates were so close to being fully opened again.

“F… Forever?”

Kip smiled, letting out a soft chuckle before he leaned in for a soft kiss. It was warm, Cassidy could taste his tears in it, the saltiness still reminding him of Kip in a way. He almost wanted to laugh at the thought, feeling the lightness finally, slowly, returning to him. The darkness persisted, but only physically, the bedroom slowly morphing into something more comforting the longer Kip’s lips lingered on his, breathing comforting life back into him.

The Brit slowly pulled away, Cassidy letting out a shaky breath. Kip hummed at him, leaning his forehead against his, trying to match the blond’s breathing.

“Yeah. Forever.”

Cassidy sniffled, feeling Kip’s hand brushing against his cheek. This time the tears disappeared successfully. He wanted to laugh again.

“For-forever with you…. That sounds perfect.”

[underratedandoverit]

forever yours

689 words orangekip (orange cassidy/kip sabian)

idiots in love. they make out a little. the end 💜💜💜

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate

on ao3

-------------------------

Kip sighed quietly, seemingly absentmindedly scrolling on his phone as he laid on his side on the hotel room bed, waiting for sleep to finally claim him. It had been such a long, eventful day, and he was tired out of his mind, but sleep was still difficult to grasp tonight for some reason. Or, well, he knew the reason, staring at it at that very moment as he scrolled through the photos on his camera roll, the faint smile on Kip’s lips growing slightly bigger with each photo he looked at of him and Cassidy together.

Kip inhaled deeply, almost feeling the breath getting stuck in his throat as he was thinking through the events of the day. Cassidy had been mostly busy with work while Kip was just kind of there, and due to the differences in their current on screen stories they weren’t really allowed to be together that much, to not draw media’s attention or whatever. Which Kip understood, but he also definitely did mind it when his work didn’t allow him to efficiently spend time with his boyfriend. It sucked, and he absolutely hated it, when they were forced to be apart instead of Kip being able to pull Cassidy close and just hold him and his hand and kiss him whenever he wanted.

Closing his photo app, Kip quickly pulled up his texts, easily finding the top conversation with “Clementine”. He smiled a little at the quick confirmation text he had sent to Cassidy earlier in the day when asked if he was coming to breakfast, thinking back to one of the only times they had had time today to spend together. He sighed, typing up a message on his phone and hitting send before thinking twice about it.

‘I cant stop thinking about you. I really want to kiss you right now.’

As Kip lowered the phone from his hand, with another soft sigh he finally closed his eyes, snuggling his face against the pillow under his head. Only for a second later feeling the bed shifting next to him, feeling a lazy arm being thrown over his midsection, a soft kiss being pressed against the exposed back of his neck.

“Kip… I’m right here.”

Kip hummed a little in response, but turned to his other side on his spot, eyes still closed as he carefully snuggled closer to Cassidy’s chest with a content sigh. He could feel the blond roll his eyes at him, but Cassidy pressed a little kiss on the top of his head nonetheless.

“I just can’t stop thinking about kissing you,” Kip mumbled into his chest, hearing Cassidy chuckle at him quietly, clearly tired from today’s activities himself. One of his arms wrapped around Kip’s midsection, the other carefully cupping his face, lifting it up just enough so he was face to face with the blond, spotting the soft smile on his lips as Kip finally opened his eyes again.

“Well, I’m here. Go for it. Get it out of your head.”

Kip smiled a little, hands digging out from underneath the blanket to cup Cassidy’s face, pulling him into a kiss. It was slow, sensual, no rush in sight despite Kip having dreamed of doing this all day. The tingling taste of citrus from his lips almost made Kip laugh at the irony of it all, the thought being brushed aside as he felt a soft, almost shy lick of a tongue against his lips, requesting a deeper kiss, which Kip allowed. Cassidy’s arm tightened around his midsection as he pulled Kip closer, both of them getting lost in tasting each other in the tired, hazy kiss.

Cassidy slowly pulled away a moment later, watching Kip’s eyes being pushed shut again as he was trying to collect himself, quietly gasping for air. Cassidy pressed a quick little peck on his lips with a smile.

“Better?”

Kip nodded, feeling Cassidy pull him back against his chest. Kip focused on his heartbeat, feeling surprisingly calmed by it despite the fact that it was racing just as fast as his heart was at the moment.

“Better. I love you.”

[underratedandoverit]

just a very lil (226 words) orangekip drabble this purely exists cause of @midnightpretenders0 tbh 💜

----------------

Seeing the soft smile tuck in the corner of Cassidy's lips Kip couldn't help himself. He had tried all day to make him laugh, trying anything from goofy faces to silly voices and accents, and finally the stupid dad jokes he had texted to Claudio for help were breaking through to the blond.

Kip's hands reached for him faster than the man could think about it, gently cupping Cassidy's face and pulling him closer for a kiss. Pressing their lips together, Kip could feel Cassidy almost instantly melt against the touch, arms lazily draping over his shoulders, fingertips dancing along his neck. Kip's hands slipped up into his hair, brushing through it, hearing Cassidy quietly moaning against his lips before Kip pulled away slightly, getting back a soft glare from the blond as he didn't take the advantage to deepen the kiss.

“You better not stop there,” Cassidy mumbled at him quietly, listening to Kip respond with a soft laugh.

“Don't worry,” he smiled, leaning closer to press a quick peck on Cassidy's lips. “There's more where that came from, I promise.”

Cassidy had time to barely hum in response as Kip's lips were back on his, hands in his hair pulling the blond closer much hungrier this time, taking up the invitation to deepen the kiss as something resembling a moan escaped from Cassidy again.

[underratedandoverit]

idk if im gonna post this properly to the side blog but heres a fic

not letting go

orangekip, post best friends betrayal from last weeks dynamite. a short hurt/comfort drabble for what its worth

[underratedandoverit]

Just A Breath Away

~2k words kip sabian & orange cassidy, it reads extremely gen (but it can be interpreted as pre-shippy considering how this whole au ends up going)

set in immortal fears/the belt corruption au. ive been trying to get back to writing, very slowly, and heres just. a brain barf from last night. i guess thats the best way to describe it. a whole lot of nothing but deep rooted hateful feelings for 2k words for near the beginning of kips healing arc

warnings; unreality, can potentially be read from between the lines as self destructive thoughts. heavy emotional hurt/comfort. kip is just having a really fucking bad time wow

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate

---------------------------

”I’m only trying to help you.”

Kip stared up at the ceiling of his designated bedroom, the words echoing in his head. He had heard them so many times before in the past, both in and out of this situation he was currently trapped in, and yet it didn’t make receiving them any easier for him. Especially when they came from the one person he really, really didn’t want to hear them from. The one he didn’t believe them from.

He sighed, more annoyed than anything else. Kip shouldn’t be here, and he knew it. He shouldn’t be under this roof, inside these walls, in this house, on this bed. He shouldn’t be related to any of those things, and yet.

And yet.

He was annoyed. No, scratch that, he was angry. At himself mostly, for allowing this to happen, for letting things go on for so long that he ended up here. For not being able to stand on his own two feet, physically or mentally, so that Kip was forced to let someone else do the dirty work for him.

So that Kip was forced under the care of Cassidy.

A quiet groan escaped from him before Kip could stop it, eyes closing as he felt a wave of unwanted emotions washing over him. He couldn’t exactly place them, give them names, recognize them, but it felt like everything at the same time; anger, sadness, sorrow, hope? He really wasn’t sure. The only thing he could for sure pinpoint down in the darkness of the bedroom was that these were all feelings brought to his mind but just the mere thought of his self-proclaimed arch rival.

And yet he didn’t want to feel any of them.

His body did its best to resist him as Kip tried to roll onto his side, fighting back every inch of the way to the point where it wasn’t even worth it. This wasn’t the first time his mind and body disagreed on the actions he should take, making it painful to even try to move, the pain leaving Kip almost paralyzed just laying on his back on the bed, staring at nothing. The feeling came and went as it pleased, but most often it showed up as an inconvenience when he wanted one thing but was handed another.

It all frustrated him. Angered him. Disappointed him, leaving Kip unable to do anything, left dealing with these feelings in his already loud head all by himself, all alone.

Well…

He could feel the shadows creeping on the edge of his vision, on the edge of his consciousness. It wasn’t anything unusual at this point, but Kip was tired of it. Having to listen to those whispers, calling him names, assigning words to him about how they felt about him. Telling him how fucked up this was, how fucked up he was, how it was his fault. All his fault, how they got here, how he ended up in this situation, how he messed it all up. All his fault.

All his fault.

It had been almost a daily occurrence now. He hadn’t been able to sleep, leaving him vulnerable, open to all of this. The shadows laughed at him, telling him he only needed them, secluding himself was a good thing no matter how much Cassidy tried to keep some sort of a connection with him. Help? Fuck no, he didn’t need help. Kip was much better off without any of that, especially from someone like him.

From someone like Cassidy, who was the cause of all of this. Well, after Kip had managed to fuck it up first, of course. He was the one to ultimately be blamed for everything, after all.

“Pathetic.”

Kip was almost violently ripped out of the serenity of the dark thoughts in his mind, the voice piercing enough to force his eyes open, focusing back on the blank ceiling. He couldn’t see anything else, nothing was moving. The voice, while distant, distorted, almost dark, had a tint of familiarity to it that he didn’t want to acknowledge.

The way it echoed against the inside of his skull made him come face to face with the reality that it was his own, without Kip saying those words out loud, without thinking them to himself.

“You’re disgusting, you know that?”

Kip didn’t reply, but he could feel a new wave of emotions crashing over him. Shame. Guilt. Disgust. The breath he took in was so much shakier than he expected, the loudness of it almost scaring him out of his own skin.

“So disappointing. Get up.”

He wanted to tell it to stop, but Kip just couldn’t. Instead, he felt his body working against his mind, pushing itself up to its limits, sitting up on the bed for the first time in what felt like days. His head was already spinning, the darkness around him hugging him so tightly Kip almost wasn’t sure if this was his bedroom anymore. The soft kisses it left on his skin burned, making him want to scream, both out of pain and the pleasure of feeling something other than nothing, but no sound came out of him. Kip just sat there, trying to find his breath again, eyes looking at the nothing in front of him.

The nothing shaped like himself, smiling back at him, the darkness so wicked in him it was impossible to look away, even if Kip knew he wasn’t real. That it wasn’t real.

“Was this what you wanted?”

Kip wanted to tell him no, it really wasn’t, he never intended it to be like this. He never knew it was going to be like this. If he had even the slightest idea, maybe he wouldn’t have done it. Done anything. He never wanted to even entertain the thought of succumbing to the darkness, to any extent.

Kip never wanted this, and yet there were no words he could say that would make that clear.

“You’re so pitiful. I don’t understand what he sees in you.”

He inhaled sharply, without intending to do so. Kip could almost see the darkness wearing his smirk, laughing at him. Making a mockery out of him, knowing he was way beyond the help. That these thoughts truly were his own, not just something the cursed world was trying to shove into his head anymore.

“He’s given up. You’re a fool for thinking otherwise.”

A fool. Beyond help, so much so that the one person who promised to help him had left him alone. It felt like he hadn’t seen Cassidy in ages. Maybe he was alone in this room, in this house, being left behind with nothing but broken promises, words that ultimately meant nothing. Nothing but lies that he wouldn’t give up. Lies like so many Kip had told to others, only to break them because he felt like it, because they were hazards on his way to everything he eventually lost.

And now here Kip was, abandoned like all his friends by him, lost like everything he had once had.

“All you need to do is give in.”

The voice was like a hot whisper against his ear, making Kip shiver, knowing how wrong all this was. It wasn’t supposed to go like this, it never was.

“Let yourself go. Allow yourself to be done with this.”

The offer was tempting. Kip could feel the expecting eyes on him, forcing him to turn away, as if he was thinking about this. Maybe on some level he was, contemplating if it was worth it. Worth it to keep trying, especially if he was alone. Abandoned. When there was no hope in the horizon. He could be done with all of it, just let the darkness swallow him, allowing him to decay, to rot away, mostly in peace. Maybe even without pain, if he asked kindly enough.

“I…” His voice was hoarse, drifting off into the empty corners of the bedroom, without Kip having no idea how to continue that sentence. He wasn’t sure what he wanted, what he needed. If there was someone, or something, that could give him that. To give him anything. Everything was so fragmented, so cracked, unorganized in his mind that it was impossible to put into words. Of course he only needed actions, to simply allow himself to be taken over, but somehow even that felt more difficult than usual.

Maybe somewhere in there, under all the filth inside of him, was still just the smallest light of hope. How or why, Kip wasn’t sure, but something in him told him that he was able to feel it. Despite everything.

“I-I… I don’t know…”

He felt the darkness pressing tighter against him, forcing the air out of his lungs. Hands on his arms. Hands on his chest. Hands on his neck. Hands on his face.

The scream that escaped him wasn’t audible, being drowned under the voice that boomed in his head loudly enough to make it throb for days to come.

“You don’t know?! Don’t you understand?! You’re nothing! Nothing! Nothing but a pitiful excuse of a weak, pathetic failure! Nobody wants you, nobody needs you! You mean nothing!”

Kip couldn’t reply to it, the headache becoming unbearably too much. He struggled to catch air back into his lungs, every breath burning, making him want to throw up. The spots the hands of the dark had been holding onto him burned, they felt vile, almost violated. He could trace the cold fingertips against his skin perfectly if someone asked, remembering every mark being left on him, the words imprinted into the inside of his brain with every word that had been spoken to him.

He didn’t want this. It was all too much, the feeling pouring out of him in an incomprehensible sob as Kip couldn’t hold the floodgates shut, being too exhausted and in pain to hold it back anymore.

Only as he could feel a soft pair of hands landing on his aching, exposed arm Kip’s head snapped up, eyes barely focusing on the concerned looking face of a familiar blond looking back at him.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

Cassidy’s voice sounded so distant Kip wasn’t even sure if he was sitting in front of him on the bed or not. It felt unrealistic that after everything he would be there. Kip wanted to reach out, so desperately, to make sure he was there, touch him, his face, make sure he felt him breathe. Feel that he had a heartbeat. But he couldn’t move, holding onto the little bit of solace that Cassidy’s hands on his arm gave to him. At least it felt real, even if it would end up not being so.

“I heard you scream. I-it’s okay. I’m here.”

Kip just looked at him, finally feeling the stinging of the tears in his eyes. His senses were slowly returning into the room, him into his own head, making at least a little bit of sense again. Cassidy’s hands on him, squeezing his arm slightly, making sure he was there. The tears staining Kip’s face, the salty taste on his lips actually making sense to him. His hands that he didn’t even realize had been squeezing the bed sheets so hard this entire time.

“I’m trying to help you, Kip.”

Hearing his name leaving Cassidy’s lips cracked something in him. Kip wasn’t entirely sure what it was, but it made him swallow thickly, feeling the lump that had formed in his throat.

“If you can tell me what happened, I--”

“Please.”

Kip’s voice was barely above a whisper, followed by a sob he wasn’t able to hold back. Cassidy looked at him, clearly alarmed, not expecting this from Kip, the tear stained face twisting into some combination of pleading and comforted as Kip finally reached a hand towards him, fingertips barely gracing Cassidy’s cheek in a weak attempt to touch him.

“He… Help me. Please.”

Cassidy’s face softened into an understanding smile, him nodding his head just barely before Kip leaned closer, basically collapsing against him. Cassidy pulled him against his chest, one arm holding him close tightly as the other hand rubbed his back, gently hushing him as Kip broke down in sobs in his arms.

“I will. Don’t worry. I will.”

[underratedandoverit]

drain me of every memory

1,4k words hangman page/swerve strickland

im sleep deprived to hell and back but i couldnt sleep before i wrote this as i was finally struck with a vision i had to follow through. i also did not proofread this very carefully oops i have never written either of these two before so if they have terrible voices im so sorry also if this completely fucking sucks dont tell me please let me live in my tired ignorance lmao other than that i hope you enjoy it!! if its worth anything i'd love to know tho ;;

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate

on ao3

---------------------------

The night had absolutely not gone how he would have wanted. It was a very small comfort in Swerve’s mind that Hangman hadn’t managed to win either, that he was the one suffering the big loss in tonight's huge three-way match, but it clearly wasn’t enough to satisfy the need. The hunger he had to see the cowboy suffer even more, making him feel the pain of those opportunities he snatched away from Swerve with his little tricks.

It wasn’t difficult at all to seek him out later in the evening. They had all stayed around until the end of the main event, everyone wanted to give Sting that one big sendoff together, and Swerve had spied Hangman in the crowd among the rest of the roster in the building tonight, easily. To say that the man looked uneasy and disappointed was an understatement, no matter how much he tried to hide it beneath the mask of a celebration in the moment.

Even past the mass of people between them, Swerve could see that those eyes still weren’t quite right, as they hadn’t been for some time now.

He didn’t even bother to knock on the locker room door, thinking the worst that he could do was catch Hangman changing. It wasn’t like they hadn’t shared a locker room before, like he hadn’t seen almost everything this man had to offer, nothing that could faze him.

It wasn’t like they didn’t share an unspeakable bond created by a spur of a moment that they had to live with separately together with forever. A bond that was much more intimate than anything a naked eye could see.

A smirk tucked the corners of his lips as Swerve watched the confusion quickly take over the entire face of the blond, though the obvious anger quickly rose back on Hangman’s features. Maybe Swerve was able to see even a slight bit of embarrassment radiating from him, if he focused carefully enough.

“What the hell do you want?”

Swerve’s hands shot up, in both a defensive and calming manner, eyes never leaving Hangman and his obvious distress. “Calm down. I’m not here to wage more wars if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Yeah?” Swerve watched silently as Hangman stood up from his chair, staring daggers at him. “Well I’m not done with you, or afraid to kick your ass if I have to!”

“And fail at that task again? I doubt it.”

His calm demeanor was clearly agitating Hangman further, but the joy Swerve took in just watching his struggle to keep his emotions in check and his words coherent was immeasurable. Just seeing the small visual cues of Hangman’s eyes wandering as he tried to collect himself, hands squeezing into fists and opening up again, the way he almost, just almost wanted to start pacing the small room to calm himself down.

It was all almost too much, too good to be true. Too good to be a real thing he was witnessing with his own eyes, let alone causing.

“Well,” Swerve chuckled quietly, his low voice softly rumbling off the empty walls of the room around them. His hands dropped down again, finding comfort in the pockets of his jacket. “At least I’m not the one who lost that match out there. I think that gives me room to speak.”

That was the right button to push clearly, as Hangman’s eyes shot towards him again, narrowing almost dangerously as he closed the gap between the two men with just a few quick strides, both hands grabbing the front of Swerve’s jacket. He didn’t even flinch, just watched with a smirk as Hangman shook him slightly, his eyes burning with clear anger and frustration.

“Listen here, you little shit!” He wasn’t even trying to control the level of his voice anymore, the frustrations of the entire night pouring over in one fell swoop, manifesting out with a string of incoherent curses and hands trying to wildly shake the other man, whether to intimidate him or bring him to his senses, Swerve wasn’t sure. All he knew was that neither of those ideal options was working.

All Swerve needed to do, was to lean just a tiny bit closer to his face, to freeze Hangman on his tracks, quieting down, the sudden realization of how close they were washing over him. His eyes fixated on Swerve, who quite honestly looked like he was anything but hating this whole ordeal that he had once again managed to cause. Hands on him, his jacket, holding, pulling him close.

His first reaction was to look away, but Hangman clearly wasn’t done with him yet as the hands remained in their place, he just needed to collect himself to figure out how to proceed from here. Seeing his opening though, Swerve didn’t give him much time to think, soon a hand reaching for Hangman’s face, almost forcefully gripping his jaw, turning him back forward.

A soft blush dusted over the blond’s features. Just as Swerve had thought he briefly saw.

“What’s the matter?” His voice was taunting, clearly trying to push it even further than things had already advanced to. “I thought you said you weren’t done with me yet, cowboy.”

Hangman clearly struggled for words, mouth opening and closing without anything going in or coming out of it. His hands still had a tight grip of Swerve’s jacket, keeping him close even if neither would have wanted that, almost as if he was aware that if he let go, the situation would likewise disappear, slip away from his grip.

Swerve could see Hangman’s eyes wandering on his face, glancing down to his lips as Swerve licked them, almost as if giving him visual clues. Giving him ideas he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to act on them, to chase them, to realize them.

Thankfully there were two of them in the situation, as Swerve quickly closed the gap, pressing their lips together. Hangman let out almost a surprised gasp at the sudden touch, but it didn’t take a lot of persuading to pull him deeper into the feeling that he wasn’t going to admit that he had longed to feel for a while now. The blond’s grip almost tightened on Swerve’s jacket, just holding him close, holding his breath as he felt the pair of soft lips against his,  first just as a peck, slowly going for something deeper, more meaningful.

As the curious tongue slipped into the mix to lick over his lips, any thoughts of resistance were officially gone from Hangman’s mind as he gave into the temptation, the soft, deep kiss of a cursed rival.

Hangman still held him close by the front of his jacket, afraid of letting go, of potentially wasting this opportunity.  Opportunity to do what exactly, that he wasn’t so sure about. Swerve’s hand slipped from his jaw, up along it to brush a coil of rogue hair behind Hangman’s ear, finally slipping up his neck into his hair. He balled a good amount of his coils, giving it a firm, almost commanding tuck.

Hangman could feel Swerve smiling against his lips as he moaned quietly.

And almost as fast as the moment had begun, it was already over. Swerve pulled away with ease, leaving Hangman breathing heavily and chasing after those lips he wanted back onto him, but all he got back was a chuckle. The hand slipped away from his hair, grabbing a hold of his hand, still somewhat gently ripping it off from his jacket.

Hangman almost jumped as Swerve leaned back closer, lips brushing against his ear. A hot breath sent shivers down his spine.

“Maybe next time,” Swerve whispered to him, clear amusement in his voice over the state he had managed to put the other man in, “You actually try if you want to go for the gold.”

Hangman didn’t get a word out of his mouth, just watched, still stunned over the events that had transpired as Swerve finally fully pulled away, ripping himself away from the blond’s grip. Hands finding their way back into his pockets like before, Swerve just turned on his heels, heading out of the locker room without another word, without getting any resistance back.

At least Swerve had the mental victory over knowing whose name was living rent free in Hangman’s mind for the rest of the night.

[underratedandoverit]

be good (please)

834 words orangekip (orange cassidy/kip sabian)

includes biting. theres implications and hints to something more but nothing is actually mentioned or done its soft and sleepy and consensual but kip is needy and they have a dynamic i dont know what else to tell you

i also just occurred to me i never actually posted this here so in hopes of trying to keep this blog maybe alive hey heres a thing idk. its been in ao3 for a while now in case youre wondering lol

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate

on ao3

---------------------------

Kip slowly came to, becoming aware of his surroundings. Feeling the cold, soft pillow underneath his head he slowly snuggled his face against it, letting out a quiet, dragging hum of content. He was teetering on the edge of falling back asleep when he felt a soft brush of a hand against his neck, erupting a soft breath from him as fingertips traced along the newly formed bruise on his skin.

“Kiiii-iiip.” He could hear the voice whispering into his ear, soft and quiet, barely above a whisper. Kip recognized it immediately, only responding with a little incoherent murmur, feeling a soft kiss being pressed against his cheek. “Good morning.”

Kip let out a sound somewhat resembling the same words, but he kept his eyes closed, just enjoying feeling Cassidy close by, pressing a soft kiss on his lips. Kip lazily replied back to it, feeling Cassidy’s lips move around his face, leaving little tired kisses all over, finally trekking down to his jaw and along it onto his neck.

The quiet whine Kip let out against the touch immediately put him back to last night, reminding him exactly why he was feeling so sore against Cassidy’s soft shows of affection. Cassidy just chuckled at him quietly, pressing another soft kiss against the bruise on his neck to gather another whiny sound from Kip.

“Sorry.” Kip knew he didn’t mean that, his hot breath against his sore neck sending shivers down Kip’s spine. But he didn’t mind, just cautiously bit his lower lip as he felt Cassidy leaving a trail of kisses along his collarbone, feeling the tingling on his sore skin with every kiss. Kip was thankful Cassidy wasn’t pushing it on spots where he was already feeling overwhelmed, but at the same time something about it felt like he was just making him agonizingly wait until Cassidy reached a spot where he hadn’t been the night before.

Kip’s hand carefully reached for him, Cassidy stopping briefly as he felt Kip first cupping his cheek, slowly lifting his hand up into his hair. The blond didn’t stop him, feeling Kip direct him, just allowing the barely coherent Brit to move his head down, to his side.

“Here.” Kip’s voice was quiet, his hand running down to Cassidy’s neck, fingertips drawing soft circles against his skin, feeling the small goosebumps rising up there. “Please.”

He felt the soft kiss being pressed against the exposed skin of the side of his rib cage, the contact drawing a quiet whimper out of him, Kip feeling his breath catching up in his throat as Cassidy dug a little deeper, gently sinking his teeth into his skin. Kip’s hand carefully balled up in his hair, trying to steady his breathing to ease some of the delightful pain Cassidy was inflicting on his skin.

As his head lifted up, breaking the contact with his skin, Kip carefully moved his head a little bit lower, letting out the breath he had been holding.

“M-more.” He could feel Cassidy’s head turning in his hold, Kip just nodding his head a little to confirm to him that he did want this. “More. Please.”

Cassidy complied without a word, his lips back on his skin, drawing a soft moan out of Kip. He tried to keep it quiet, feeling Cassidy’s efforts of trying to keep things easy on him, to not push the boundaries too much. He was aware Kip was still barely awake, understanding what was happening and asking for them, but Cassidy was making sure he was as comfortable as possible, especially after what Cassidy had put him through the night before, just more softly continuing now where they had left off.

“Please.” The moan slipped out of him before Kip could stop him, feeling Cassidy’s teeth sink just a little bit deeper than he expected. The blond stopped for a moment, but feeling Kip’s hand in his head pushing him lower, asking him to continue, soon enough the sweet sensation of soft pain continued, drawing a whimper out of Kip.

Eventually pleased with his handiwork and the sounds that Kip was making, Cassidy lifted his head up, against Kip’s clear wishes of him continuing as the hand in his hair tried to push him back down, the blond carefully grabbed it, pulling it closer to press a little kiss on the back of it.

“Babe, if I keep going you won’t be able to move today. We still have to fly home.”

Kip whined something incoherent back to him, Cassidy leaning over to give him a quick peck on the lips.

“I promise you we can keep going when we get back. Can you be good until then?”

Kip finally fluttered his eyes open, looking at him with a soft blush dusted on his cheeks, nodding his head the best he could. Cassidy smiled back at him, leaning over for a much more passionate, deeper kiss, leaving Kip chasing after it as he pulled away again.

“Good. I love you.”

[underratedandoverit]

just a quick psa to anyone that has sent in a request in the last.. year (lmao) that i didnt get to writing yet

i have just cleared the inbox entirely (i did screenshot and save everything tho, all 19 unreplied asks), and its unlikely im opening requests again any time soon, if at all. i might still write the ones i saved before deletion, but i cant guarantee anything (outside of one that i have already started and will definitely finish at some point for sure because of reasons)

if this upsets you, i need to stress that these were requests and i never was or am under any obligation to finish these. i get it that oh it sucks, but as long as its just me taking fun free ideas in my free time, i can do whatever i want. and no this wasnt caused by a single request i didnt wanna do or anything like that, my mental health is in the fucking gutter and watching these linger in my inbox gives me intense amounts of anxiety and like said, some of these were very old which just adds to it. so its time for them to go, and in the name of some sort of fairness, it means all of them are gonna go

sorry for the inconvenience

[underratedandoverit]

It's Not Your Story To Write

~4,4k words orangekip (orange cassidy/kip sabian)

angst, (emotional) hurt/comfort, but with a more content ending. set post january 26th rampage

poured this out of my brain a couple of days ago with everything thats been going on and then some. just trying to make sense of most of my own thoughts and feelings with this tbh, and i like reflecting through making kip suffer so. theres that

also cause the ending of that four way match on rampage really fucked with me at a time i was extremely sensitive to that kind of a disappointment and kip was a disgustingly upset and sad little creature.. yeah. theres a part of that too

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate

on ao3

---------------------------

Rolling onto the apron, Kip winced as he pulled himself together for long enough to sit up. The music he was hearing was most definitely not his own, once again much to his utter disappointment. The crowd was cheering, though obviously for the fan favorite winner of the match, but instead in Kip’s fractured mind, this was a targeted, hateful attack on him and they were happy about his loss more than anything else.

Kip watched as his friends retreated from the ringside, without him, more focused on one another, as if he truly was the villain in this story. Maybe in a sense he was, after all Kip had been the one to start trying to win the match for himself, despite forming a temporary alliance in a match where there were effectively no teams. Maybe he deserved this, maybe their actions and reactions were justified.

All Kip knew in the moment though was the pain all over his body, and the disappointed looks glancing past him towards the ring, clearly more upset that Butcher hadn’t picked up the win either than the fact that Kip had been the one getting pinned.

For better or worse, soon enough his mind was wiped clean from the hazing thoughts of pain though, as Kip watched all of a sudden the International champion stride down the ramp very unceremoniously. Just like his friends, Cassidy acted like Kip didn’t exist, eyes only locked inside the ring where his next challenger for the following night was currently holding his victory celebrations.

Kip averted his eyes, hanging his head in shame. The crowd’s cheers for their champion were more like bloody screeches in his ears. All he wanted to do was leave, get out, get up and walk away. And yet he stayed, just a moment too long, stealing a glance towards Cassidy as he pulled the title belt out of that cursed backpack of his.

That’s when it became too much.

-------------------

“Hey.”

Kip ignored the voice, only continuing to pack his gear away. He was more or less working on autopilot, just going through the motions, trying his best not to think about anything. He just wanted to get the night over with, to return back to the hotel, to get some sleep, and fly home the next morning. That’s all he wanted, nothing more and nothing less.

Unfortunately for him, the way the hand brushed up against the small of his back made his shudder against his will, leaving the breath stuck in his throat.

Kip wanted to scream. Inside his head he already was, but there was no way for him to verbalize it at the moment. He didn’t want to cause a scene, he didn’t want to let his emotions get the better of him at a time and in a place like this. The hand tried to gently snake its way around his waist, only for Kip to almost too masterfully dodge it as he leaned down to zip up his suitcase, eyes finally, although briefly, landing on Cassidy for the first time since he had entered the locker room as Kip stood back up.

“I’ll see you at the hotel.”

He didn’t give Cassidy a chance to reply, picking his suitcase up and kicking it on the move, footsteps almost too hurried for the rest of his body to keep up with as Kip basically dashed his way out of the locker room. On one hand he was surprised, maybe even a little bit hurt, that Cassidy didn’t even try to stop him, but on the other, it was nice to have a little bit of breathing room again, at least for a little while.

He knew eventually he would have to face Cassidy about his behavior. Not that it was probably going to be that much of a surprise what was going on in his head if Kip was being honest, he was rather easy to read, but that didn’t mean he was looking forward to it. Quite the opposite, actually. While talking with Cassidy had admittedly become easier for him over time, at the same time sometimes Kip just wasn’t quite sure what to expect from him. What kind of a reaction, what kind of words.

Especially so when it came to highly emotional situations such as this.

He was able to breathe a little bit easier as Kip sat behind the wheel of the rental car in the parking garage of the arena, taking in the deafening silence for a while. For the first time since he had entered the building that night, it finally felt like time was standing still around him, and Kip was able to relax a little, even if only for a few seconds. The pressure on him to do well tonight, and then failing that simple goal at the end of the night, was admittedly getting to him, forcing Kip to stop for a moment to just sit there and try to steady his breathing.

Maybe he was used to being the one that made others look good. Maybe he was used to doing as he was told, to give his chances to others that people deemed better deserving of them than he was. Maybe Kip had worked himself into a corner where he could do nothing but keep repeating the same loop, over and over again, without finding a way to exit it anymore. Maybe even if he would have gotten to that title match, he would have just lost it all over again, as seemed to be the destiny for him by now.

If only he had gotten that far. If only.

Kip didn’t even notice he was shaking until after he had stepped inside the hotel room. Time around him was a haze, he could barely remember the drive back from the arena. Maybe he shouldn’t have left all by himself, it was probably a small miracle he managed to get himself here in one piece.

Kip closed the door behind him, staring at the bed across the room. Queen size. Made for two people.

A very familiar lump was back in his throat when he thought about who he needed to share that bed with tonight.

He left the suitcase in the middle of the floor, not really caring about it as he headed to the bathroom. The lights flickered on, Kip trying not to pay attention to them as he ran the faucet, pooling cold water on his hands, watching it drip over the edges of his palms. He could barely feel it, everything outside his skin felt alien. It had never gotten this bad before, he had to admit that to himself, and even scarier than that to him was the fact that he wasn’t entirely sure what was causing it.

Pushing the thoughts to the side for a split second, Kip splashed his face with the cold water, only to lift his face up to meet himself in the mirror. The smudged makeup he hadn’t had the time to remove before leaving was slowly running down his face with the cold droplets of water, making him wince. It wasn’t an unusual look for him, but tonight it felt like it was filled with much more unwanted emotions than the nights before. Kip quickly looked away, leaning down to fully wash his face, making sure to get rid of every brush of a makeup pen that had made him the Kip Sabian that was inside that ring tonight.

After he was finally happy with the results, Kip shut off the faucet, stopping to carefully listen as he dried off his face. It didn’t sound like Cassidy had gotten back yet, a fact that Kip confirmed as he walked out of the bathroom a moment later, finding the hotel room still occupying nothing but an empty bed and his suitcase. The silence was both a welcomed friend at his time of need, but also a grim reminder that eventually he would have to face the music. Kip knew Cassidy wasn’t just going to let him walk this one off, try as hard as he might.

Sitting at the foot of the bed, Kip intensely stared at the door, like he was mentally trying to will it open. Maybe getting this over with sooner than later was the solution he needed to his problem, but the wave of relief washing over him as nothing seemed to happen and nobody walked through the door during the time he sat there, being swallowed by the silence and his own thoughts, was telling him a whole different story. Kip finally broke eye contact with the closed door, proceeding to strip himself down only to his underwear to prepare for bed; getting properly changed was requiring energy that he just didn’t have at hand.

Plus, in the end, what did it really even matter?

Kip didn’t remember crawling into bed and under the blankets, but he had apparently done so and fallen in some sort of a state of sleep, as he came to as the bed shifted underneath him carefully. He could hear the blankets shuffling, a familiar warmth suddenly so close to him, a breath almost tickling his exposed neck, that he had to hold himself back from wanting to lean away from it.

“…Kip?”

The voice was a whisper, but Kip recognized it immediately. Not that it was hard for him to know who was sneaking into bed with him in the middle of the night, but having that confirmation felt at least a little bit nice. If for nothing else, than to confirm that Kip was awake, and this wasn’t a worse nightmare than the one he was trapped in in the real life.

Then again, maybe it being someone else than Cassidy would have been better.

As Kip didn’t respond, trying to pretend he was still asleep, Cassidy settled down on his side of the bed, Kip now being way too aware of how close he was. He could feel the body heat coming off the other man, even with the blankets between the two of them, soon enough feeling a soft tuck of the edge of his blanket as Cassidy’s hand snuck underneath it, obviously trying to get that comforting feeling of closeness that they usually had in this kind of a sleeping arrangement.

Only when the fingers brushed against Kip’s side, he flinched away from them on instinct.

Time froze inside the hotel room, Kip staring into the darkness with his eyes wide open, feeling like his heart was going to stop from the volume it was beating right there and then. He didn’t intend to make Cassidy aware that he was awake, let alone give him signals like this. The hand didn’t try to reach for him again, but Kip heard him shuffling a little bit on his spot, feeling the weight on the bed shift again as Cassidy sat up. Kip could feel the eyes staring at the back of his head, trying to burn holes into it, trying to gaze deep into the depths of his mind to figure out what was going on. He was biting his lower lip so hard to stay quiet, afraid he might actually bite through it. He could taste the iron in his mouth, fearing the red blood droplets that might fall and stain the pure white hotel room pillow cases.

“Kip?”

He still didn’t respond, this time being out of words. He couldn’t explain it to Cassidy, not here, not now. He didn’t want to, he probably couldn’t have even if he tried. All the disappointments of the day, the pain, the suffering, the humiliation. It was all too much to put into words that he could simply say in the middle of the night in a dark hotel room he was sharing with his boyfriend.

“Hey. It’s okay.” He knew that tone, Kip had heard it a million times before. As comforting as it was, as it was trying to be, it made him want to throw up. The anxiety rising in him, Kip knew what was coming next, him not being able to hold back his words no matter how hard he tried.

“Don’t touch me.”

Despite not seeing it, Kip could feel the hand that reached out for him freeze in midair, trying to decide whether to respect his request or to follow through with an attempt of comfort. Kip was waiting for it, a hand to land on his shoulder, give it a rub, pull him closer, tell him it was okay. They had done this dance multiple times before, Cassidy knew him, he knew Kip might have said one thing but meant the other.

But something about tonight was different. Maybe Cassidy could feel it too. Maybe there was a method to this madness, a truth to those words as Kip heard him moving again. Kip didn’t turn around to observe, he only listened, trying to put the pieces together as the bedding was shuffled around, the weight of Cassidy leaving the bed, the familiar warmth disappearing from his side. He fully expected Cassidy to walk around the bed to confront him, but much to Kip’s surprise nothing of such happened. Instead, the sounds died down after a while, forcing him out of sheer curiosity to glance over his shoulder, as if he was able to see anything in the dark room.

All he could see was the blanket covered shoulder and back of Cassidy’s who had now taken a spot on the couch.

Kip carefully settled back down, trying to steady his breathing as he was slowly calming down, at the same time both enjoying and despising the space he had been given now. He pulled the blanket tighter against him, wrapping his own arms around himself as he slowly curled up, hoping being in his own company would bring him the comfort he needed right now.

-------------------

Kip jolted up as the hotel room door slammed shut, scaring him awake. The wide eyes scanned the room around him before finally landing on Cassidy standing awkwardly by the door, a clearly apologetic look on his face, obviously having not planned on being so loud it was waking him up. Kip relaxed a little at the unhurried look the blond was giving him, knowing this wasn’t someone trying to throw him out of the room for sleeping in, but at the same time him registering Cassidy standing there brought the lump back in his throat as the memories of last night quickly flooded his mind.

He quickly looked away as he registered the soft smile lingering on Cassidy’s lips, feeling like he didn’t deserve it after everything that had been said and done.

“You slept so deeply I didn’t want to wake you up.” Kip just nodded a little at his words, hugging the blanket against his chest tight enough to make his arms tingle with pain. From the corner of his eye he saw Cassidy moving, walking up to him but focusing on something on the side, Kip eventually seeing him put a cardboard cup of coffee and a sandwich on the nightstand next to him before he moved away again. “I got you breakfast. They had your favorite.”

He wanted to say ‘thank you’, he wanted to reach out and apologize. To do or say something, anything. Instead Kip just watched Cassidy walk away from him, leaving him to stare at the food left at arms reach for him. It was a small gesture, a simple thought, and yet it made Kip feel like he didn’t deserve it either.

“Here.” Kip jumped a little, eyes shooting towards the voice, watching Cassidy hand a shirt in his direction. Kip looked at it for a moment, but as he didn’t move, Cassidy just slowly lowered it on the bed next to him. Kip’s eyes followed it, brows slightly furrowing as he didn’t recognize it, knowing he didn’t really own white shirts and hadn’t packed those for this trip at all, Cassidy easily catching onto his confusion. “I couldn’t get your bag open, so it’s one of mine. I just… Think you might want to be more dressed for this conversation.”

Yeah, the lump was definitely in his throat again. Kip knew exactly what he meant, he could feel Cassidy trapping him in the mental corner with this, knowing he wasn’t going to leave this room, let alone this bed without finally telling the other man what was going on with him.

Slowly Kip reached for the shirt, untangling it and pulling it over his head. A small smile tucked the corner of his lips as he glanced down at it as he straightened it down. An Orange Cassidy shirt. He wanted to laugh, but maybe that would have been inappropriate.

The bed shifted next to him, soon after Kip felt a hand landing on his leg that was hiding underneath the blanket. His eyes moved onto it, watching as Cassidy gently rubbed his thigh through the blanket, giving it a small, comforting squeeze. He knew that was a thing that usually helped Kip calm down, to signal to him that everything was okay or at least going to be okay, no matter what.

Usually Kip believed him, but in this very moment that just felt impossible to him.

“This is about last night, isn’t it?”

Kip just stared at his hand, watching Cassidy’s fingers gently tap against his leg. He quietly continued as Kip didn’t answer back to him. “…Or more importantly, it’s about tonight.”

Kip didn’t even need to say anything to confirm it, they both knew how correct Cassidy was. Maybe Kip didn’t talk about his disappointments that often, but Cassidy saw how it was eating him alive, getting progressively worse over time as things kept repeating. Loss after loss, and especially so when Kip lost a match that might have led to the two of them facing one another, be it for the title or not. Those were always the nights Cassidy saw him having the most difficult time adjusting, and combined with how he saw Kip at ringside after the match last night specifically despite seeming like he wasn’t paying him any attention, it wasn’t too hard to put two and two together.

“You really wanted it to be you. And I wanted it to be you, too. I really did.”

The breath Kip took in was so much shakier than he expected it to be that it almost scared him. He wasn’t sure if it was a result of Cassidy seeing through him so easily, his feelings being ripped out of him and hung up on display for both of them to see, or something completely different. All he knew that everything Cassidy had just said, even if it wasn’t a lot, was correct. Whether he wanted to admit it or not.

“You just --”

“Stop.”

Cassidy’s hand stopped, Kip not daring to look up at him. He could feel the confused look given to him, he could hear it in the way Cassidy’s steady breathing changed. The second squeeze given to his thigh didn’t feel comforting anymore, it was more confused than anything else.

“I…” His voice trailed off, Kip trying to find a way to arrange his thoughts into something that made sense. Cassidy was right in what he was saying, the things he was assuming, but it went deeper than that. Deeper than just wanting to be the one challenging for the title tonight. He just wasn’t sure at all how to explain it, the things he was feeling about this, about all of this.

“I… I did want it to be me. I really did.” He swallowed thickly, closing his eyes for a moment as Kip could feel the tears stinging already. He was surprised it took this long for them to start forming, that he hadn’t shed them last night while he was alone, be it in the car or the hotel room. “I-I. I just don’t think it’s meant to be.”

Cassidy watched him, simply just observed. It was slightly uncomfortable for Kip to be stared at like that, even if he wasn’t returning the look, feeling the pressure of continuing to talk now that he had started. Obviously he had more to say, more words to explain himself, his feelings, the situation, but it was still hard to make it all make sense, even for himself.

“I try so hard.” Before Kip could stop it, he felt the first tear roll down his cheek. He inhaled sharply, but resisted the urge to wipe it away. Cassidy had already without a doubt seen it, so what was the point of trying to hide it. “I-I try. And it’s never enough.”

The second tear rolling down his cheek made Cassidy reach out, his hand gently cupping Kip’s chin, lifting his head up. It was still forceful, but Kip managed to finally look directly at him, opening the floodgates even more upon seeing the equally sad smile crossing Cassidy’s lips.

“You’re always enough for me.”

“That’s not the point.” Kip didn’t intend to snap at him, but he couldn’t stop the words. His eyes shot away, head turning to the side, feeling Cassidy’s hand slowly disappearing from his face as Kip bashfully returned to staring down at his lap. “That’s… I love you, but that’s not good enough for me. That’s not what this is about.”

Kip sniffled quietly, breaking the suffocating silence before it had a chance to fully settle in the room. “I’m… I’m just stuck. It feels like I’m cursed. Cursed to never succeed, to never do anything meaningful. My career is at a standstill. I want to do more but I… I can’t. Every single thing, no matter how small, always fails.”

Cassidy nodded a little. In a sense he understood it all, having not only seen this from the sidelines happening for pretty much as long as he had known Kip, but also in his own way having to deal with similar things himself. He remained from saying it out loud though, giving Kip the space he required especially now that he had started to verbalize those tormenting thoughts that had pushed him so far away from Cassidy and his shows of affection last night.

“Seeing everyone else be celebrated and getting those opportunities just… Gets to me, sometimes. A-And,” Kip stuttered a bit, biting his lower lip as he tried to compose himself, already feeling the tension and hurt his words would bring up, but he was forcing himself to speak them out loud. He had to, if he ever wanted to clear the air around this topic. “And seeing… You. I’m, I’m just…”

Cassidy leaned closer, arms wrapping around Kip. He didn’t pull him closer, he didn’t exactly hug him, he just held the Brit close as Cassidy buried his face into his shoulder. Kip allowed the action this time, feeling one hand carefully rubbing his back, finally finding that touch comforting again. Cassidy had this kind of an effect on him, try as hard as Kip might to not let it get to him when he didn’t want it to.

“I don’t want to hate you,” Kip whispered, his voice shaking, Cassidy just nodding against his shoulder. “A-and I don’t. But sometimes it’s just… Really hard to be the lesser one.”

“I hate it too,” Cassidy mumbled into his shoulder, Kip nodding in turn. “I don’t want you to feel this way. I’m sorry I can’t do anything to change it.”

“It’s not your fault.”

Kip could feel Cassidy finally giving him a little squeeze, pulling him just slightly bit closer to himself. Kip gave in to the feeling, the comfort that was finally settling between the two of them now that things were being said out in the open, letting his arms wrap up around Cassidy’s waist as well, letting him closer to close the gap between them. Feeling Cassidy against his chest finally increased his heart rate, but for once Kip didn’t mind. It wasn’t a sound either of them was unfamiliar with.

“I wish I didn’t feel this way.” Kip leaned down to Cassidy’s shoulder, using it to wipe the freshly formed tears from his face. “You don’t deserve it. I-I mean my feelings. You deserve what you have. I--”

“Shh.” Kip could feel a hand run from his back into his hair, Cassidy gently brushing through it as he hushed him, lulling Kip into the most comfortable position he had been in the past day at least. He fully leaned into the touch, finally allowing himself to melt against the other man, the feelings of warmth and safety along with the words he had for his feelings bubbling out in a series of sobs from him. “I understand. I’m sorry.”

He didn’t even need to apologize, they both knew it, they both knew it wasn’t Cassidy’s fault. But they both just accepted it, those two little words making dealing with everything just a little bit easier in the moment. It gave them the understanding that they were mutually dealing with this, even if only one of them was suffering, but how it was still hurting them both. Maybe Cassidy more through Kip’s actions and feelings, but neither of them dared to say it out loud. It wasn’t a conversation to be had here, maybe not ever.

“I love you,” Kip finally broke the silence that was filled with nothing but his sobs for a while, feeling Cassidy lift his head up from his shoulder. Kip pulled away slightly, for the first time initiating eye contact on purpose, seeing the soft smile playing on the blond’s lips. “I-I love you so much.”

Cassidy brushed his hand through Kip’s hair again before leaning closer, pressing a gentle kiss on his lips. Kip didn’t try to dodge it, this time he was fully ready for every touch Cassidy was giving to him, almost craving them and the comfort they brought to him now. He was still slightly hesitant to reply back to the kiss, but eventually did so, letting them both stay in the moment a little while longer before Cassidy broke it apart, leaning his forehead against Kip as he caught his breath with a few sobbing hiccups.

“I love you too,” Cassidy offered him a smile, feeling Kip’s head nodding. “We can do this. Together. I promise I’m not leaving you behind. Ever.”

[underratedandoverit]

You Have My Heart

973 words orangekip (orange cassidy/kip sabian)

just a sweet, cute, fluffy moment. its slightly spicy at first but it turns sweet really fast. thats pretty much all, i just needed kip in this position to say "i love you" 💜

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate

on ao3

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He didn’t stop the hands messing with his shirt buttons, Kip just watching them being opened and him being stripped out of his shirt with a familiar ease. As soon as Cassidy threw the piece of clothing to the side, his hands were on Kip’s exposed chest, pushing him down against the bed. The Brit didn’t resist at all, allowing the blond to straddle his waist with ease, leaning down for a kiss.

The hands brushed up his chest, briefly cupping Kip’s cheeks before continuing up into his hair. He let out a needy whine against the touch, feeling Cassidy smiling into the kiss, refusing Kip to get in a word or a moment to think as he deepened the kiss, pressing Kip harder against the mattress.

Kip had to be honest, tonight he wasn’t entirely sure what he had done to get Cassidy this invested in him. It wasn’t anything unusual that their nights together ended like this, but more often than not he had at least made an effort to push the blond’s buttons, to get himself put into a situation like this. Today he hadn’t even tried, and yet here they were. Cassidy’s tongue deep in his mouth, Kip unable to make a single protest about getting topped like this, being played by Cassidy as his hands ran through Kip’s hair, knowing the sensation was overwhelming to him at moments like this.

Only after Cassidy broke apart the kiss and moved his lips along Kip’s jaw line, hands grabbing the hold of his hands as he pinned them down above Kip’s head like this was a practiced nightly routine, he was able to let out a sound resembling actual words.

“Clementine…”

Cassidy smiled against his skin, pressing a quick little kiss against his neck, knowing it being Kip’s favorite spot. The moan he got back made him raise his head up, smiling down at Kip’s hazy look. He was already losing control.

“Yeah? You want something?”

Kip nodded his head, watching as Cassidy stole a quick kiss from his lips before stopping to hover over his face, clearly waiting for him to continue. It wasn’t odd for Kip to ask him something in these situations, the rare part was for Cassidy to actually give him what he wanted, when he wanted it. It would happen eventually, of course, as it always did, but only after Cassidy had decided Kip had deserved it and they had played this game of making him weak and begging for long enough.

“I…”

The words disappeared from his mind, Kip just staring back at him. Cassidy tilted his head, looking more curious than anything. It wasn’t unusual that Kip was at a loss of words when put in this position, but this time something felt different. Instead of Kip being stuck in a spot where his mind was reeling so fast he couldn’t keep up with it and the over stimulation, he seemed to be actually carefully thinking what he wanted to say tonight.

Cassidy clicked his tongue at him as the silence continued.

“Maybe I should kiss you a little more until you make up your mind, hmm?”

Kip hesitantly nodded again, Cassidy leaning in. Lips pressing against his, it was almost as if the words were suddenly in Kip’s mouth, finally free from his throat, ready to be let out.

“I,” he started between the kisses, Cassidy pulling slightly away to give him the space to free his thoughts. “I-I. I love you.”

The blond froze for a second, Kip almost afraid he had said the wrong thing as he saw the intense eyes widening at him for a moment. As fast as it happened though the expression was gone from Cassidy’s face, being replaced by a content, soft smile as he pulled away, retreating his hands from Kip’s as Cassidy cupped his face.

“…Do you mean that?”

Kip blinked blankly at him a few times, the suddenly softer atmosphere landing into the room swallowing him and his mind for a moment. The way Cassidy shifted from wanting to mess him up so badly to melting at his words, those three simple words, was almost so fast it was giving Kip a severe whiplash.

He nodded his head again finally.

“O-of course I do.” The words were struggling to come out of his mouth again, a soft blush creeping its way on his face as Kip felt Cassidy brush his thumbs over his cheeks, looking down at him with a sweet smile crossing his entire face. “I… I just…”

“I’ve never heard you say that here before.”

Kip didn’t have time to reply to him as Cassidy leaned in for a kiss. A much softer than the ones before that, but filled with just as much passion and love for him as always. As Cassidy finally pulled away, Kip had to take a moment to get his mind to be coherent again. It wasn’t unusual, but something about it felt just a little bit different than before. Good, but different.

“I love you too.” Cassidy’s voice was barely louder than a whisper as he leaned his forehead against Kip’s, closing his eyes as he inhaled deeply, as if trying to remember the Brit’s scent in the moment. “And I…”

It was odd for Cassidy to be at a loss of words in their intimate moments like this, making a quick shot of panic run through Kip, thinking he had done or said something wrong. But those fears were quickly wiped away, as if Cassidy was able to read the fears from his mind, as he softly chuckled, pressing a quick peck on Kip’s lips, one that he subconsciously tried to chase after.

“I want you to tell me exactly what you want me to do. I will do anything. For you. I promise.”