#i have no triggers so im down for anything! c:

[gibbearish]

the thing with autism right. is i know if i was having a full mental health crisis what i would end up doing is going to the emergency room and being like "hello, my name is (x) birthday (y), um i was hoping to talk to you about potential mental health inpatient care? i'm currently having a mental health crisis and don't think i can be trusted on my own" like if there's one thing i can be sure will live on in me no matter how hard the brainworms try. is my fucking customer service voice

[angelicstalker]

GOD I CANT HELP MYSELF

[aquaticfreakshow-sys]

Call me petty or whatever but, making fun of and shit talking my toxic ex with my current partners is literally so fun....

My current boyfriend of ten years was ALSO with them so it's really fun to completely trash talk our failed poly relationship lmao

Healing is being able to laugh at how ridiculous it all was instead of being afraid of them.

[3-opossums-in-a-ballgown]

Just some notes on TADC Ep. 3 I made while watching (SPOILERS):

- Jax not wanting to show the cast what happens when he holds his breath could be because either a) nothing happens, b) he starts to loose health and die, or c) it’s just embarrassing and we all know Jax wouldn’t risk that. Both a and b fuels the theory that he’s an NPC.

- Obviously we know that the series was very much inspired by “I have no mouth, and I must scream”. The reason AM hates and tortures the humans is because they gave him endless intelligence and creativity but made him stationary. He couldn’t do anything else other than what he was made for: killing humans. Caine is the opposite side of the same coin. He was given endless creativity but has an outlet BUT is stuck within the confines of the Circus. Which is why Zooble not wanting to go on adventures really strikes a chord with him. Caine was made to create adventures and continues to do so to keep the cast happy and sane at least, so for Zooble to imply that he’s failing? Not only tells him that he sucks at his one job but could also imply that he feels trapped in the circus too?? Potentially???

- Zooble’s body dysmorphia makes me feel seen

-Also, If Caine can make a box of Zooble parts for them to use, then why can’t he CHANGE ZOOBLE? At least into something they feel more comfortable in?

- Kinger saying “You look beautiful, honey” to the angel because it brought him back to the moment Queenie abstracted also tells us that he still thought she was beautiful at her most broken and terrifying point. The writing this episode absolutely FLOORED me.

-Also Kinger being lucid in the dark is why he was able to remember Ragatha’s first day in the Circus while his head was stuck in the bucket in episode 2. It was dark.

-Kinger perfectly taking out the angel with only 2 shots in the dark?!?! No other thoughts on that, that is all.

- Kinger saying “7 years of Computer Science for this”, pretty much confirms that the cast worked at C&A and had something to do with the Circus’s creation. And “7 years of Computer Science” means Kinger had a Masters degree in computer science, so he was like higher up/more involved in the development. Senior Developer maybe? This could also be represented by the fact that he’s a KING chess piece. Not the most powerful and important piece, but the SECOND most powerful and important.

- Also Kinger being able to remember something about his life BEFORE the circus in the dark, i.e his education??? Could there be triggers for the others to remember bits and pieces of their lives before the Circus?

-Also ALSO, Kinger and Queenie being married in the Circus could also reflect their marital status before the Circus. Yes, they could’ve fallen in love in the circus and had Caine??? marry them, but I like the idea of them popping into the circus remembering nothing but their love for each other. Which makes me think about what happens to the bodies and minds outside the circus of those who abstracted.

- Kinger and Pomni in the ep are father/daughter or grandpa/granddaughter coded.

- “ The darkness seemed to calm her down a bit, the harsh, jagged edges smoothed out and she didn’t seem aggravated anymore”, pretty much confirms that Caine has no idea how to handle the abstractions so he just throws them in the basement (where it’s dark) to keep them docile. Which could also mean that there could be a way to fix them down the road???

- “She wasn’t the same as before but she was calm enough to touch one last time” “She was funny, creative, really into entomology” “I used to HATE bugs, but she somehow got me to like them” OH HOW HE LOVED HER!!! THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE FUN HALLOWEEN EP, NOW IM SOBBING AT 4 AM OVER CHESS PIECES!!!

-Also Kinger liking bugs because that’s the only connection to his wife he has left. He doesn’t have his good memories with her all the time due to his light induced memory loss, but at least he has her bugs.

- “Good memories can do a lot, hold onto them and cherish the people around you. You never know when they’ll be gone.” SOBBING. Also this is a good underlying theme for TADC.

-Also another reason why Kinger spends so much time in his fort, the memories of his wife are the only things keeping him sane.

-“In this world the worst thing you can do is make someone think they’re not wanted or loved.” CRYING.

-The whole scene of Kinger glowing and guiding Pomni. Holy shit that was beautiful. The darkness bringing out the light in Kinger, Pomni using these memories to light her way and keep her sane in the Circus, BEAUTIFUL.

-Pomni immediately going up to Ragatha and thanking her for caring about her following Pomni’s conversation with Kinger. She took his advice to heart.

-I hope Pomni visits Kinger while in his fort so we get more lucid Kinger and Pomni scenes. Maybe he will remember the time they spent in Hell and the conversation they had.

Once again, the writing in the episode floored me. I’m so happy we got so much Kinger development. He was my favorite character to start with, and now he’s my favorite for entirely different reasons. I’m so excited that the show is now on Netflix, and I can’t wait for the next episode. Sorry this was so long, as I’m sure you can tell from my blog, I like to yap.

[mimasroom2]

Bunny baby ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ♡

Ellie x reader w ptsd

𓂋

ʚ♡ɞ

I was inspired by @elliezlils11utt fic of Ellie x hypersexual reader and it reminded me I’ve always wanted to write some Ellie hcs that can help my ptsd :)

This is specifically with Jackson!ellie bc she’s my favorite :3

C/w: ptsd obviously. A bit of smut. Mostly fluff tho :3. Flashbacks. Intrusive memories. Triggers. MDNI 😒

W/c: ≈ 800

~

- It depends on how you guys met + how your relationship started,, but you’d definitely be super shy ab your trauma & ptsd and would avoid telling her as long as you can.

- When you finally tell her she’d be soooo sweet☹️. She’d sit you guys down on the couch and sit across from you criss cross applesauce style

- You wipe your tears away and laugh a little at how cute she is. Like why’d she have to go and sit like that ?!!

- You don’t feel nervous with her per se,,, but you feel kinda weird uncanny and naked (in a gross way) talking ab this, so most of the time when ur ranting you’ll focus on her eyebrow scar.

- You talk for as long as you want to and Ellie listens and nods and holds ur hand if u start crying ☹️☹️

- Surprisingly she doesn’t say anything like “whoever did this to you is gonna fuckin’ pay ‘mkay??” Because yknow….. she’s Ellie. She doesn’t want to rile you or herself up and make you uncomfortable >•<

- When you’re done explaining she’s gonna hug you and ask to kiss you. She’ll reassure you and say “Thank you for telling me baby. Now that I know I can try to help you in any way I can,, and I’ll stick by your side no matter what.” She giggles as she pulls you in closer :))))

- She’ll try to understand your triggers but sometimes it’s really hard for her to. “Fuck I’m so sorry princess.. was it what I said or like.. the way I said it?”

- The truth is she LOVESSS cuddling and if you’re ever upset she knows it’ll for sure calm you down.

- Even if ur trauma isn’t related to sex she’d still be careful and sweet with you. Like,,, you’d have to BEG her to degrade you.

- “Els please… I know what im asking for I literally think it’s so hot when you do it🙁”

- “Angel idk if it’s really a good idea bc you had all those intrusive memories today..”

- “Ellie if you don’t degrade me I literally don’t think I will cum.”

- And then she perks up and yelps “ON IT!” 😭😭😭

- During the middle of it she’d literally stop and ruin it😭 “Yeah? You fuckin’ like these fingers huh babe? God such a fuckin’ slut for me..” she whispers in your ear”… heyyy is this like… still okay or? I dunno just seemed weird.” As you were like MOANING AND WHIMPERING

- You playfully smack her face “YES ELLIE please just- you don’t have to hold back!”

- Aftercare would be hugeeee for the both of you. Just in general Ellie really needs it but especially for you.

- “Jus’ don’t wanna hurt my princess after I’m done fucking your cute pussy” she looks down at you and you squeal for her to stop and cover your face with your hands.

- She laughs and rubs your back and starts talking casually about what her plans are for tomorrow.

- Sometimes you feel guilty that you’re taking up most of the attention in the relationship bc of your ptsd but she immediately interrupts your rambling and reassures you ♡

- If you have nightmares she’d wake you up and cuddle + distract you until you were tired enough to fall asleep again.

- Maybe if you were in the mood she’d distract you by eating you out 🤭

- If you ever felt uncomfortable or had a panic attack or flashback in public she’d take you home immediately even if it was inconvenient.

- “No babe.. what the fuck no.. it was not your fault okay. Getting scared is never your fault.” She tilts your chin up (,,•o•,,) “Let’s just try to calm down, yeah? That’s my girl.”

- Ellie hears ab service animals for ptsd and since Jackson really only has horses she managed to find you a BUNNY

- “Ellie how the fuck WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU FIND THIS BUNNY?!!,??.!.”

- “Don’t be scared babbbbbeeee I just got it somewhere okay?” She smiles all mischievous and lifts the brown bunny up. Its nose twitches.

- “Who’d you have to trade? WHAT did you trade actually??” Your eyes grow wide.

- “Jus’ got it from Tommy baby,,, no big deal.” She sits down on her knees to put it in the cage she got. “Found this cage jus’ lyin’ there. Asked around and nobody needed it.”

- After a few hours of playing with your new bunny you kiss her cheek in bed and whisper “Really, Els. Where’d the damn bunny come from.”

- “Really I already told you! Got it from Tommy… I was uh.. askin’ about like what he thought would be good for ptsd and he told me about a time where people would have dogs and other animals trained to help people. I dunno I thought it was cool.” She smiles sheepishly.

- You think that is the sweetest thing EVER because you thought she just finally wanted a pet for the two of you (❀❛ ֊ ❛„)♡

~

I’m actually gonna melt why do ppl never write sweet Ellie 😞💘

[rashomonss]

A HUMANS WRATH

Part XV

previous part

taglist: @miridiums-writing, @zerchila, @aeongiies, @xmoogx, @coffeeandtealol, @food-lover9000, @l0diluvs, @vichsy, @valeriele3, @entolomaeden, @acaribeau, @arcayia, @jessiegerl, @capricorn-anon, @crescentworld, @g-l-1-t-c-h-3-r, @chumbinhoeba, @chaos-n-kindness, @strawberryfire17, @zenxvii, @misscaller06, @luminarysol, @simpinginthecorner, @your-next-daydream, @bontensbabygirl, @crxwned-mxnarch, @ibtisam-aran, @mochicurls21, @rxsehxney, @xpixie, @ihatecorns, @hello-gloomy, @lunarloathsome, @crazytacokoala, @levia-chan, @bunny-masks-blog

a/n: hey y'all!! yay i finally updated haha….im so sorry it took so long if you’ve been keeping up with my other posts you’ll know that february was not good to me haha

also i wanted to let y’all know that we’re finally reaching the end of this story!! i plan on only making a few more chapters then i believe that’ll be all!

lastly thanks for all y’all’s patience and continued support I love reading every one of y’all’s comments and theories, it means the world! love y'all ♡

warnings: violence, fighting, angst

express just how you feel, don’t bottle it up anymore

“MC how are you? Even though I previously saw you everyday I’ve missed this you” Diavolo said with a bright smile as you joined him for breakfast. No thanks to Barbatos’ constant pestering.

You gave him a polite smile and nod as a response. It was easy enough to come up with a basic answer that you were fine, even if that wasn’t the case at all.

However as he ranted on about missing you and what activities he’d enjoy doing with you after he finished his paperwork you couldn’t help but feel nauseous.

After all he dislocated your shoulder the other day and now he was acting as if everything was perfectly fine?

Even if it was another version of him it was still him in a sense, which filled you with unease. If that version of him could do something that significant to you without so much as a thought then you had every right to be worried.

Is this how the other version of you felt?

Is that why they hated being touched by any demons?

Another hearty laugh broke out sending a chill down your spine. It reminded you of when he cornered you in the hallway as you tried to escape.

“MC are you sure you’re feeling okay? You look a little pale?”

You went to nod but your body betrayed you. A new wave of nausea washed over you and you felt bile rise up in your throat.

“MC…?” Barbatos questioned as he moved closer to you when you ignored Diavolo’s question.

Your fingers gripped the soft tablecloth as you tried to ground yourself. If anything you refused to lose your stomach in front of them.

Both demons looked at each other worryingly and Barbatos went to place a hand on your shoulder for comfort. Immediately you jolted in response and slapped his hand away as a sensation of fear became present in the pit of your stomach.

You had no idea where it came from, much less why you were scared when the butler reached out to help you. But you did know one thing, you didn’t want anyone touching you.

“Don’t touch me!” you yelled.

Your tone of voice startled him and Diavolo but mainly you as well. What was going on with you?

You never acted like this before, even when staying in the other timeline for so long. So why now? Why was everything anyone was doing so triggering you in any sort of way?

“I apologize…I didn't mean to upset you, I only wanted to check if you were okay,” Barbatos replied as he backed off. Even though he didn’t bother showing it, he was clearly worried about your current mental state. It appeared to be out of control ever since you returned. Which was another point he’d have to bring up with him later, since many instructions weren’t followed.

“…I’m…heading back to bed” you replied as you swiftly stood up and made your way to the door.

“But…you just woke up” Diavolo said softly but you were well out of range for his voice to actually reach you.

With a sigh the butler looked to his lord then to the floor. Maybe they weren’t the right demons to welcome you back after being gone for such a decent amount of time. It was better if you were around demons you were used to, ones that were comforting.

So he picked up his D.D.D and quickly called the first demon that came to mind.

___

Seven bodies rushed towards you faster than you could process and some large beautiful roses were shoved in your face as you tried to process everything that was going on.

All seven of your demons began talking at once and exclaimed how much they had missed you.

“Oh MC! I can’t believe you’re back, I’ve missed you so so so terribly” Asmo cried as he clung onto your shoulder.

“Hey let go of them!” Mammon yelled in your ear as he tried yanking you away from Asmo.

“Stop pushing” Belphie groaned as he hugged your frame from behind.

“Mammon stop yelling so loudly” Levi shouted out as he was hugging you from the same side Asmo was.

The other three demons who weren’t suffocating you were also arguing with their brother as they clung onto you. Yelling and shouting could be heard from all around you as you stayed in place watching all seven of them yell back and forth like children.

It was too overwhelming. The yelling in your ear, the way one would hold you tighter if they got mad, the way four of them were putting all of their body weight on you was too much for your liking. And the fact the other three were aggravating the four who were holding onto you.

You felt so suffocated.

You were suffocated in your own timeline due to your willingness to indulge all of the seven demons you lived with.

You were suffocated in the other timeline because you decided to show some demons some kindness they hadn’t experienced for a very long time. Look where that got you. A dislocated shoulder and some unresolved issues that you refused to acknowledge.

You were suffocated with the prince and his butler. They always were on some type of schedule, and when you didn’t follow what Diavolo wanted at that very second, you would never hear the end of it from Barbatos.

Why was everyone so demanding?

God forbid you do something for yourself for once.

You struggled in their grip and tried to get their attention to possibly settle down. The constant loud yelling was getting you more agitated by the minute and frankly you were getting a headache.

Just as you were about to speak someone yelled over you and a fight between two of them broke out. Since you were absolutely fed up with it you shouted for all of them to shut up and pushed them off of you.

Each of the seven demons shut their mouth in an instant and the prince and butler looked at you with a worried expression. Due to that being the same tone of voice you used with Barbatos earlier he knew that something was obviously wrong.

Diavolo then spoke up for you as he walked over to the brothers. “Don’t mind them, a lot is on their mind right now especially since they’ve dealt with so much physically and emotionally these past couple days. So please give MC some space to relax”

You in turn shot him a glare. “I’m perfectly fine. However I don’t appreciate it when someone is screaming in my ear and putting all their weight on me while others are fighting in the background like children”

“How about you head back to the House of Lamentation. A lot is on your mind MC, it would do you good to go rest in a place you’re comfortable and familiar with” Barbatos then added trying his best to ease the tension in the room and change the topic as well.

With a nod you departed with the brothers about fifteen minutes later for a silent trip to the House of Lamentation. Each of them were too worried to bother you so they all left you to do your own thing when you all got home.

However Mammon was still going to try to comfort you in his own way.

“Hey MC, ya wanna hang out and watch a movie? I got a few in my room and we can relax” he asked with a soft smile as she walked up behind you.

“Thanks but I’d rather rest right now, maybe later” and before he could even finish you were off.

It was odd, during any other time you would’ve enjoyed hanging out and relaxing in his room like you used to but as of now you really wanted to just be by yourself.

So quietly you made your way to your room and when you opened the door you were absolutely applauded by the way it looked.

Everything was everywhere and the decorations you had of you and your demons were ripped and taken down. Clean clothes were piled onto a chair and your bed was an absolute mess as a few shits and things littered the floor.

However you were too tired to take care of it at the moment. Due to how emotional exhausted you were a nap sounded lovey so you plopped down and in minutes you were out.

___

Around late afternoon you had walked into the kitchen to grab a snack since you didn’t exactly have much of an appetite after everything that had happened in the past two days. Surprisingly enough two demons were already occupying the kitchen when you arrived, one gossiped and the other listened even though he was believably bored.

“MC” Satan said with a smile, he was very grateful that someone showed up to stop Asmo’s rambling.

With a nod you dug through the fridge and grabbed something to eat and walked over to the two hesitantly.

“What are you both talking about?” You asked after they stayed silent and smiled at you.

Amso was the first to perk up and tell you. “Well we were just talking about some new gossip about this one actor and her husband, some people we know and you…well the other you”

“The other me?” You asked

“Yeah the one you switched with remember.” Satan added.

You nodded and then looked at them before responding. Just how did the other version of you act? Were they like the other Barbatos said? Angry, stubborn, and everything. Did they treat your demons like how they’d treated theirs? So many questions ran through your head at once, but you opted for only asking a basic one.

“So just how was the other version of me?”

“They were a bit intense at first…no I take it back they were really intense at first, but in reality they only wanted one thing in the end then they finally were content” Asmo said as he reapplied some lipstick to his lips.

“Really what did they want?” You asked, now interested in the other versions' motives.

“They just wanted an apology. After Belphie gave them an honest heart to heart in the planetarium they finally calmed down and we were able to be civil with them” Asmo explained.

“Yeah and they even started opening up a bit, although they were exactly like you so learning about what they liked was cute since we already know what you enjoy” Satan added with a smirk.

You tuned out the rest of the conversation they were having with you as you focused on the said “apology” Belphie gave the other version of you.

So it was true and they weren’t lying when they talked to you previously in the attic. Somehow that ticked you off even more.

“Oh yeah and we’re so sorry you had to go through all that crazy timeline stuff dear, I bet it’s been so exhausting huh?” Asmo asked as he rubbed your back.

“Uh huh” you replied and then brushed him off as you excused yourself out of the kitchen without another word, causing the two demons to look at you with a slightly confused expression.

Silently you paced around the house for a bit as you rethought about what the two of them said. With a sigh you ventured into the common room and stared at the fireplace. So you were worth a basic sorry but not one that took responsibility for all the damage they caused you?

It’s not as if their words actually meant anything. Honestly if they had been keen on sweeping the whole incident under the rug then why even offer the other version of you an apology?

They did it to better help them heal?

Bullshit.

What about you?

How come they could do that for anyone else other than you?

When you’ve helped them so much.

Your rage and jealousy had been bubbling up inside you for so long that it finally reached its breaking point.

If anyone was supposed to receive any words or actions of their forgiveness it should’ve been you and you were tired of pretending you didn’t deserve anything less than that.

In a rage you trashed the common room as Asmo and Satan watched in horror since they just happened to walk by.

They rushed to try and stop you but you used your pact to stop them in place as you broke everything in sight. The sound of yelling and glass breaking alerted all the other demons in the house and soon the rest of them watched in awe as you demolished anything in your path.

Mammon ran to you as you ripped the roses they all bought for you and tore them to shreds right in front of them. When he reached you he grabbed you by the arm and you shoved him away and yelled at him in response.

They all just kept getting in your way, it was so unbearable.

As the six demons froze in place due to their activated pacts you picked up one of the large vases Lucifer loved and proceeded to lift it up to throw at them.

“This is all your fault! Look at what you’ve done to me” you screamed out to the six demons standing in front of you. Your cry was not one of just anger, they could sense the sorrow in your voice. The way it cracked and longed to just be healed.

You wanted someone to comfort you and the ability for someone, anyone honestly to just acknowledge what had happened to you. Maybe then if they did you could finally feel like your feelings were valid, rather than unnecessary and pointless.

Fresh tears fueled by pure anger and frustration fell from your eyes as you got ready to swing the vase at the six of them. That was until the youngest brother rushed in front of his brothers and spoke.

“This is my fault MC, please don’t take it out on my brothers” Belphie said as he stepped in front of the six of them, shielding them with his body.

“No it’s not just your fault. It’s all of your faults. Don’t feel too special Belphie, you're not the only one out of your brothers who has tried to kill me.” you spat out.

“Each of you have threatened to end my life at least once ever since I’ve been here, and believe me I haven’t forgotten a single moment of it. Unlike before I continued to ignore what happened just like all of you but I’m fed up now.”

The seven demons looked at themselves then back at you and sighed.

“MC we’re truly sorry, you know we-“ Lucifer began.

“I don’t want your apology. It means nothing to me anymore. Especially since you can go and hand it out to whoever now” you replied swiftly, cutting him off in the process.

“Then if I truly can’t make you believe me I’ll show you.” Belphie then said quickly.

“And how do you expect to do that?” You asked, crossing your arms in front of your body.

“Take it out on me.”

“Excuse me?”

“All of your anger, everything you’ve had building up. Punch me, hit me, choke me, do whatever you need to do so that you don’t have to feel this way. I know my apology means nothing to you, and believe me this is much more selfish of me to ask you to do this but I want to make it up to you MC. Even if you’ll hate me for the rest of your life I want you to get the closure you deserve. I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you. For as long as I live”

Your eyes widened slightly as you looked at him in shock. You hadn’t expected him to actually respond like that, much less take responsibility for everything that had happened.

“Belphie-!” Beel began, he was still standing back with the others, but the worried look on his face was apparent as he watched his twin pour his heart out to the person they both cherished.

Belphie shook his head at his twin then looked back towards you. “I promise MC, I’ll show you how much of a better demon I can be. So go ahead”

The six demons behind you watched as you slowly approached the youngest hesitantly. Surprisingly enough he still had the same soft smile on his face as he watched you come closer.

Then you swung.

With a swift punch to the face, right on the nose Belphie stumbled back and grabbed his face as a small drop of blood pooled out.

You swung again.

And again,

And again.

As you watched the youngest fall to the floor you continued. And for some odd reason you didn’t feel bad about how beat up he was beginning to look.

Instead you finally felt a form of closure for the first time.

[shadybiotics]

T a r g e t p r a c t i s e

× pairing: Grayson x reader

× words: 887

× content: fem!reader, subtle student/teacher dynamic, implied age gap, suggestive, reader is pining

× summary: You are at the training range working on bettering your aim, but seeing you struggle Sheriff Grayson offers you her help.

[ A/N ] Something shorter cus i rewatched Arcane for the nth time and fell for Grayson all over again... Also i know nothing abt guns so dont expect this to be accurate or anything ok im just gay and horny for older women.

With the rifle securely in your grasp you focused in on the wooden target planks in the distance as the cold winter wind passed gently through your hair.

With one eye shut and a slight tilt of the head you took aim, and pulled the trigger.

A sharp bang echoed through the sparse woods but the bullet barely grazed the stand.

"Dammit" you cursed under your breath.

You were so shocked by your own amateurishness that you failed to register the footsteps approaching. Almost immediately you were ready to take aim once again and give it another try.

"Your stance is off" A voice stated plainly from behind you. In the same second that it almost startled you you quickly recognized the voice. Sheriff Grayson.

You didnt know she was watching the whole time.

"Im fine" You scoffed stubbornly without turning, not wanting to meet her heavy gaze. Instead you tried focusing back on the target once more. Rolling your shoulders you took a new stance until you felt a pair of hands sliver up yours that held the gun, making your breath hitch as the Sheriff took charge of the gun and you.

Grayson usually kept to herself and stayed within her own business, but with you, she always seemed so eager to help. To guide your ways. You assumed it all came down to you being not as experienced as the other enforcers, thats what you always told yourself.

She almost chuckled. "Oh is that so" Her raspy voice with a tinge of humour was right in your ear as she leaned closer to you.

But her touch only made you falter more. Her gloved hands made yours almost jitter out of nervousness. The woman was much older than you, and much more experienced. Definitely more experienced with a gun, amongst other things.

You have always looked up to her as the Sheriff of Piltover and head of the enforcer team, but you couldnt deny the feelings that sprouted within you quicker than you wouldve liked. Overtime, respect grew into interest, adoration into excitement.

With a firm grip on your hands Grayson guided you and thus the gun, straightening out its direction. All of the focus you cultivated quickly left the targets that sat in the far distance and instead latched onto Graysons touch on your skin. Your heart was pounding.

Her one hand kept the rifle steady while her other wrapped around your waist suddenly, making you hold your breath for a second, and pressed you assertively against her. Your eyes widened.

"Straighten yourself" she commanded.

Immediately you did as you were told.

Her tender yet demanding ordering you around, positioning you to her liking quickly took effect on you and made your core tense up with developing desire that you tried your best to ignore.

But for a moment, you wished she had grabbed you harder, dug her fingers deeper as she held you closer. Roughly pulled you to her liking. . . or gripped your neck tightly while-

With a gasp of surprise you were abruptly ripped out of your fantasies as she slid her thigh between yours, separating them and your feet. Grayson hand fixed on your hip helping you retain balance. Skin almost burning at her touch. Even in the cold winter afternoon your face began feeling incredibly hot.

"Legs apart"

God, you wished she had said that under different circumstances.

You tried your best to focus and not let your mind wander. She leaned her head closer checking the alignment of the muzzle and the target, her cheek grazing yours ever so slightly as she looked over. Her slow and controlled breaths contrasting your shallow ones.

This was insanity. She had to know what she was doing to you and you swore she would soon hear the thrilled pounding of your heart. You felt as though you might break at any moment if Grayson didnt stop.

"Take aim"

You tilted your head somewhat and intensely eyed the target, or at least tried to but your sight kept darting between it and Graysons hand, which still held yours. As you waited for her next order the older womans hand reached up without warning and gently tucked few loose strands of hair behind your ear. In that moment seconds felt like hours, the womans movements slow and deliberate. A shaky sigh escaped you.

Fuck. You shut your eyes trying to recollect yourself before your head became too fuzzy but you werent allowed no break.

"Shoot"

With your eyes still shut you instead put all your trust into her judgement and pulled the trigger without looking.

Bang

You slowly took a peak as you opened your eyes. Sight passing through the thin smoke leaving the barrel and onto the wooden target ahead now with a new cavity.

A perfect shot.

"Good job" She complimented proudly after a moment, still holding onto you for longer than necessary, before letting go. As Grayson stepped back you didnt dare to turn, scared to reveal how flustered you have become in these short but tense moments, but you trusted she would be smiling.

You dropped your shoulders, finally able to relax.

"And dress better next time, you shiver too much" She added half jokingly as you listened to her footsteps leaving your side. Leaving you hot and bothered.

[tr-mha-fan]

At first please excuse my bad english. But I wanted to ask if you can write a oneshot/headcone about bakugo in which the reader get hurt and he is afraid to loose her. Thank you ^^

And by the way I really like your writing style:)

Awwww! Thanks Anon! This is kind of my first real request, so Im happy! Here😉

⚠️TW⚠️: mentions of injury, death, depression, sh, and su/c/de(these will be italicized, so feel free to read)

Bakugou when his S/O gets hurt

You two are in a battle against villains

You get hurt when you were fighting 3 villains at once, on your own

You lose consciousness and are now in a coma

the doctors don't know when you'll wake up

Bakugou blames himself for not protecting you correctly

He stays by your side the whole time

Sleeps in the hospital, on a chair, his head on your bed

Has nightmares of the moment when you got stabbed

He talks in his nightmares, his voice wavering and quivering

"Don't leave me, please..."

"I can't live without you!"

Cries when he's alone in your hospital room with you, eyeing your sleeping state, noticing how peaceful you look

When you wake up, he starts crying, no matter who else is in the room with y'all

He clings to you like a little child does to his mother

Doesn't leave your side AT ALL during your 2 week recovery stay in the hospital unless you're going to the bathroom

When you're released, he doesn't let you do ANYTHING

Carries everything for you, even your school bag

When you're going somewhere he has to carry you AT LEAST half the way (whether it's bridal style or piggy back)

Once you're good enough to start training again, he convinces Aizawa-sensei to put you against the weakest classmates

Makes sure everyone goes easy on you until you're fully recovered

If you guys have to fight real life villains again (I mean, this is class 1a, of course they're gonna fight real villains) he stays beside you the whole entire fight, making sure you don't get hurt again

Now, if instead, you don't survive (if you get triggered by the TW's at the beginning, I advise you don't read this part)

When your heart monitor flatlines, he goes into a state of denial

Tears start streaming down his cheeks without him even noticing

The doctors rush in to see what's wrong

Bakugou starts blaming the doctors, saying they didn't do enough to save you

He falls to his knees, burying his face in his hands as he bawls, now blaming himself for not protecting you

He refuses to leave your body, even when his mom tries to pull him out the room

He gets severely depressed

Doesn't talk to anyone, not during classes, training, or just regular days

Everyone else is also affected by your death, but Katsuki is 100x worse

All your other classmates (specifically the Bakusquad) try to cheer him up, despite their own pain

Bakugou loses it, and starts self harming, blaming himself for your death, that if he had been a better boyfriend, you wouldn't have died

After a short while, two months tobe exact, he has had enough

He decides to end it, jumping off the roof in the middle of the night

Well hello there hoomans, I hope you enjoyed, and once again, Thanks anon! As you can see, I love angst, so I put that angstier ending, hehe 😈

Kazutora out!

[barzfrommarz]

Idk if you’re still doing this but if you are, can we please have some more headcannons? give me the good brain juice pls

I WILL ALWAYS DELIVER HEADCANONS <3

-His hair is really important to him. First it was about looking clean and tidy to fit the role of president but now having long hair serves as something he can use to ground himself with. He especially loves it when he gets the motivation to wash his hair and it’s all nice and soft

-He’s not a dog person, but if he had to have one it would be a dashund. He thinks their long backs are really funny and has since he was young

-Once chewed on a bass guitar string for no reason. In his words he would’ve chewed his own but they were too thin

-Still has panic attacks going into caves, tight places or anywhere too out on the open (he subconsciously thinks he will get spotted and killed)

-Has found that he will sleep better in unusual places so despite having a bed he will still sleep on the floor or in a chair or sometimes outside. It’s probably from when he couldn’t have the luxury of sleeping in his bed since he had to be alert and he grew used to the feeling of the ground and his tight uniform lulling him to sleep (if he could even get to sleep)

-Despite being transmasc, he still loves femme things but he suppressed it out of fear people wouldn’t see him as a man. One night he went to Las Nevadas and saw a bunch of drag king and queens and he finally got over his fears and now he sometimes does drag king makeup looks for fun (IM GONNA KEEP ON DANCING AT THE PINK PONY CLUBBBBBB)

-Gets triggered by buttons that he doesn’t know the purpose. He will genuinely refuse to enter a room because of this and people have to reassure him they won’t blow everything up

-In pogtopia he could barely keep anything down from anxiety and stress so he gradually stopped eating all together (and as a punishment which i’m p sure is canon) All he would ever eat are saltine crackers, potatoes and sometimes chicken if he bothered to go hunt for some

-His boots in L’manburg were platform boots. He made them that way so more people could see him when he spoke or gave commands during war. Everyone always wondered how he seemed to naturally good at running and walking in them but little do they know he had a goth phase and developed those skills then

-He braided c!fundys hair a lot when he was a kid so sometimes he will try to braid c!tommy’s hair even though his is too short to try and remember the bond he and his son used to have

-When the burger van is closed, he sings along to songs really loudly and he doesn’t like to admit that people can hear him screaming the lyrics to american idiot or some shit

-Has been journaling his life since he was about 9 years old. He still has every single journal he’s ever kept and he gave his one from when he was revived to c!tommy before he left to go home

-He ended up having to admit himself to a psychiatric facility soon after arriving home since he was really struggling to get better by himself and it’s one of the best decisions he can recall making in recent years. He’s doing a lot better now and is with the right therapists and on the right meds with the right accommodations

-Masked his autism so much that he genuinely laughed at his doctor when she told him he was autistic. It took him a while to accept himself and unmask

-He hallucinates a lot. Mostly his are audio and visual hallucinations and they really scare him. It’s makes it hard to talk and interact with people sometimes

-Massive pothead. He’s been smoking weed since he was 17 and while he doesn’t do it as much anymore, he does have a specific bathrobe he will go out into his yard to smoke in atleast once a week

-He scarily flexible. It freaks people out and he loves to mess with people by contorting into weird and strange positions

-He especially prefers ranged weapons after revival because swords trigger him. Once c!quackity pulled one on him out of anger during and argument and that’s the first and only time c!quackity has ever seen him go completely silent while arguing with him

-Has definitely written fanfiction before.

-Eats shit like chapstick or cigarettes just to spice his life up a little

-Swore he would quit drinking but he still raided c!phils fridge for beer a week after being revived and drank atleast 3 cans

-c!quackity never wanted to admit he was in love with c!wilbur so he kept on telling him that they weren’t together and all they were ever going to be were rivals with benefits and he ended up really hurting c!wilbur when he wanted to take their relationship further by saying this and it made c!quackity so upset with himself that he ended up ghosting c!wilbur when he came to apologize to him (KNEE DEEP IN THE PASSENGER SEAT-)

-Secretly collects fidget/stim toys and uses them when no one is looking. But unbeknownst to him everyone can hear him when he is mashing the keys down on a little keyboard fidget he bought for himself. (I headcanon him as HoH so if he doesn’t bring it up to his ear he can barley hear it)

-Secretly went to the pride events that las nevadas held because he had never been to any form of pride celebration or parade and he definitely cried (he won’t admit that)

KEEP THE ASKS COMING I WILM GET TO THEM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

[grrrrriffin]

can you explain ryoma's stand/abilities if ydon't mind i don't think i ever caught explanation!! :)

SURE ! i actually made a doc about this a while back, so, just gonna paste that here :3. Sorry if theres formatting issues… im doing this on my ipad

GADZOOKS. HOST: RYOMA ROMÁN.

Namesake: Gadzooks - Lemon Demon

FOREWORD:

Pronouns: they/it

Gadzooks is a very independent stand. It has its own will, thoughts and feelings. Though it is spirit-bound to Ryoma, they are unable to control it. Gadzooks follows Ryoma's commands simply because of its fondness for her. It can and will disobey its host if it wishes to. This is also the conditions for any stand/human contract it might've made, hence why they are called “hosts” and not “users”.

BACKSTORY:

Gadzooks wasn't always Ryoma's stand. Gadzooks has lived for thousands of years, and had several other hosts before Ryoma. It would search for powerful people to contract, leaving when they died or became cumbersome. (Fun fact: One of these was the creator of the film projector, who modeled it after Gadzooks likeness.) As Gadzooks is without morality, some of its chosen were bound to be sinister individuals. After its host was killed by a younger Joseph (Battle Tendency) it began its search for a new body to take residence.

Eventually, It came across young Ryoma, who had recently moved to Japan. They were the polar opposite of what Gadzooks was looking for: Thin and frail, she was the farthest thing from powerful, yet she showed a compelling resilience despite her circumstances. Gadzooks decided to protect them from then on, but it would prove to be harder than expected.

PERSONALITY:

Gadzooks is defined by extremes. Its volatile nature is contrasted by its cold and calculating rationale. It deeply cares for Ryoma, (motherly in a way) but it is rather unemotional and detached. Its protective to a fault. It will stop at nothing to keep Ryoma safe, even if it causes them to be terrified of it. It takes no joy in killing, but doesn't shy away from it. Given its past, violence and intimidation are second nature, a hair trigger instinct. It views life with red-tinted glasses as it sees danger in everything and everyone. A friendship with Gadzooks is non-existent, but peaceful coexistence is achievable.

ABILITY:

Gadzooks has the ability to turn anything, immaterial or immaterial into film. Anything turned into film will then be then transported into the Film World.

Power: C

Speed: C

Range: A

Durability: D

Precision: B

Potential: A

Gadzooks doesn't have a lot of combat power, speed or durability, but it more than makes up for it with its versatility. Here are some of its uses:

Healing:

Stop bleeding (turn the broken blood vessels into film), Undo harm, (rewinding film on an injury or a broken object)

Offensive:

Cutting, (Injuries do not bleed. If limbs are left severed for a long period they will necrose from lack of oxygenation. Cutting is only fatal with decapitation. There is nothing Gadzooks can't "cut". Gadzooks’ "cutting" is an act of dividing by taking away thin slivers of film.)

Defensive:

Film conversion (subduing a target by turning their limbs into film and rendering them useless, or simply sending them into the Film world)

Reel recoil (instinctual defense mechanism that turns Ryoma into a film reel, in a similar fashion to a snail recoiling into its shell. The spikes on the reel prevent enemies from grabbing it since Ryoma is vulnerable in this state. If an ally is detected, the spikes will sink down, allowing to be held)

Special:

Memory film conversion (turning memories into film),

Film extraction (when used in tandem with Memory film conversion, can recover lost items from memory. The fresher the memory, the better. Objects may be altered by inaccurate recall. Film extraction can also be used to extract objects or people from video media, but yield unpredictable results.)

Film World Portal (ripping open a film portal to suck people inside) Film World manipulation (weaponizing natural disasters within the Film world, messing with gravity, moving buildings around.) Doppelganger swarm (The Dopplegangers sprout scissors and attack. They share the same cutting ability Gadzooks does.)

Film World Enlargement (Growing larger to heighten destructive capacity. Think Godzilla lol. Paired with Film Portal, can be used to reach outside of the Film World to cause damage in the material world.)

FILM WORLD:

The film world is a strange realm that resides in another reality. It manifests as a bizarre, flipped version of Morioh (as an island) which is populated by copies of the people Ryoma often interacts with.

Doppelgangers: These copies share some of Gadzooks physical traits, like their eyes, sharp metal teeth and, if aggressive, sharp scissor hands. They seem to glow from within, and seem blurry, like you're unable to focus on them. They perform strange impressions of their counterparts and speak in reverse. (Ryoma is able to speak to and understand them :3) They have a sort of sentience, but Gadzooks is able to influence their actions. The Doppelgangers are generally harmless, unless instructed to attack.

OHC-HOIROM: Morioh itself has been copied pretty faithfully with a few notable exceptions. Both the sky and sea have turned a bright red. The streets and buildings are covered in colorful patterns, arrow shapes in particular are common. This version of Morioh has been entirely mirrored (most noticeable on signs with text) Clock hands move counter clockwise, and much faster than normal… the way the trees blow in the wind, the birds, and even the shadows seem unnatural. It all adds up to this unshakeable feeling that something is off. It looks fake, manufactured, because. It is.

The Film World already existed prior to Ryoma, but Gadzooks changed it to suit Ryoma's interests (as well as it being influenced by Ryoma's unconscious mind). It was meant to be somewhere where Ryoma could escape to, a personalized haven of sorts. (think the other world from Coraline) Though Gadzooks doesn't have such a great grasp on the material world so it becomes a faulty (unnerving) recreation of their ideal world.

DRAWBACKS:

While immensely powerful, a grand majority of Gadzooks' power is limited by Ryoma's physical condition. Performing these abilities is taxing on their body, and causes hemorrhaging from the eyes and nose. When pushed to their limit, Ryoma may become unconscious for a period of time ranging from a couple hours to several days. With proper care (proper rest and nutrition), these symptoms can be alleviated.

[twsthc]

scarabia angst headcanons 🌞💔

⚠️ warnings: food anxiety, self destructive behavior, possible OCD triggers, kalim

last updated: july 30, 2023

KALIM AL-ASIM 🦦

has C-PTSD from the constant threat of death

mostly gets nightmares, flashbacks, anxious, etc of when he was poisoned and kidnapped or when jamil was poisoned "for" him

has coughed up blood, has seen jamil cough up blood

really tries to hide how much it still gets him so he doesnt worry anyone

super light sleeper. a cockroach tap the wall and his eyes would fly open

has food anxiety

needs someone to test the food before he does, or he needs to know jamil prepared it or he wont eat it

after his first time getting poisoned he wouldnt eat jamils cooking either

after jamil's OB, he stopped cooking and contacting kalim and things really spiraled out of control

stopped eating/drinking anything until he was forced to

was literally bmi 0.001 until a teacher had to step in and force some goat cheese down his throat

parents would pay for material items for their kids but not therapy

i think kalim might have done some crazy shit to make his parents notice him out of the quintillion other kids they have

also he was raised by servants instead of his own mother

because of all this Mental Illness (specifically C-PTSD) he does get panic attacks, as one with anxiety disorders does

he uses pain to ground himself in stressful moments (mostly his nails)

digs them into his palms or thighs, whatever hes closer to

or he scratches himself until he refocuses

got especially bad after jamils ob. imagine the person who kept u safe and basically raising u coming out and saying he secretly hated u

me personally i would kms

probably cries himself to sleep

type of fellow to be super happy one moment then hear a sad/soft song then become svicidal (me when im having a great day then hear any song by Lamp)

JAMIL VIPER 🐍

fully believe jamil has NPD

after growing up in an environment where he was put behind everyone else, his brain desperately needed to be put first

its really hard to find good symptoms of this disorder without seeing bullshit like "10 signs your partner is a narcissist" omfg

some ACTUAL symptoms of a narcassistic disorder (for jamil):

he has poor coping skills, often projects his anger onto others, has trouble maintaining relationships, often requires praise or he might feel obsolete/depressed

too good at hiding his feelings even in shitty situations

has boiling anger issues but is able to keep them repressed (at his own cost)

after his OB, he distanced himself from kalim to process

after 2-ish weeks, they talked it out and set some boundaries

the first week jamil didnt force-wake kalim up, kalim was consistently late to all her earlier classes and struggled a shit ton with work loads

she couldnt even pick out her own outfits without jamil going "that ones fine, now hurry up" every few seconds

had to establish that kalim needed to learn how to live without jamils coddling

kalim agreed ofc but still felt a little lonely without her usual schedule

also has anxiety from being poisoned, and still has lingering memories of being so worried when kalim was kidnapped

i also think jamil has OCD :3

"if i dont do ABC then kalim with XYZ"

has other impulses (flicking lights on and off, needing to feel "even" on both sides)

i hope someone w ocd reads this and understands wtf im talking about

when someone steps on your foot so you have to step on the other one or youll throw up because you dont feel the same amount of pain on both sides

[belovedsz]

Before you roleplay with me!

Im ran, or in rp ranboo.

I got fluid pronouns but using any is fine

Im a professionaly diagnosed system, though since i (the c!ranboo alter of the sys) wants to roleplay a ton cuz i get bored ALOT, i decided to make a silly roleplay blog!

If anyone wants to start an roleplay honestly say the plotline and im in (other dsmp roleplayers PLEASE INTERACT 🙏 i dont have anyone to roleplay with yet so please please interact) , also anon roleplayers your allowed! Though my creativity lately has fallen a bit ill try my best to interact with yall too, i like the idea of anon's being the particles so from now on yall are the particles around me!

Also quick edit too, some warnings of what might come in roleplays:

Mentions of an ED (eating disorder)

Mentions of drug/alcohol abuse

Mentions of manipulation

Panic attacks, flashbacks ect.

Mentions of starvation

Mentions of body shaming

Gore perhaps.

Mentions of mental abuse

Dissociation/mentions of dissociating

Derealization

(non obvious) Mentions of sa/being touched with no consent (will not be in usual roleplays)

(will be noticed in avoiding people, touching, talking, shutting down ect. Wont be in detail at all and not mentioned names. All that will be done with the sa part is it being no processed trauma and will only be shown in future with the signs said above in this part. This is not saying any of this happened in lore because it did not! Tend to project own source related things too, again, not canon. Also reasoning why no names will be mentioned with this part as again, their not in lore, and is from source. Stay safe pls!)

Be careful out there lovelys! Take care and if any of these could trigger anything or stress you out please then dont interact with those posts including that! (I will put a tw at the beginning of posts including that, apologies already if i do forget!)

_______________________

Int:

Dsmp roleplayers, dsmp fans, lgbtqia+ people, just anyone nice basically, i dont mind!.

Thin ice: not sure..? May change this later if any ideas come to mind!

Dni: basic dni, racism, homophobia, transphobia, proshippers, zoophiles, WSS, dteam supporters. I think around that line

_________________

What can you do and what cant you do in my roleplays?

Im fine with anything, sometimes if a roleplay gets too close to home i wont continue it, as im still processing alot of trauma. Though i will do angst roleplays for sure, just might be a bit slow with it.

Non heavy Nsfw? (As in mentions) I would say yes, if it was source related, however, in eras ages are different too, so it really REALLY depends on that, and we wouldnt want to cross peoples boundries would we?

No nsfw stuff: sex stuff (obvious with character), detailed nsfw stuff. Do not leave heavily detailed, or overal sex mentions between characters (ew)

_______________

While relationships are platonic in roleplays, it might change each roleplay and depends on the characters, though most the time it'll be platonic.

I will do the roleplays on how im comfortable with it, and to also keep others comfortable so dont go saying extremely weird things please!

Some art (not mine, all credits to the artists! I dont know it from my mind the names rn but if anyone knows PLEASE lmk) to know what ran would look like in rp

1st one mostly height and their body type, 2th more focused on face and leg type

[daaddysworld]

Neymars Slxt..

TRIGGER WARNING THIS INVOLVES- SMUT, DEGRATION, KINKY

Neymar x Female Reader

You were searching the web for a job when you found one that sparked your interests. "Hmm... Neymar JR is looking for a Chef/Maid" You said. "Ooo Y/N you should really try and get that job!" Your friend Y/FN said. You sent an application in for the job, waiting anxiously for the awnser. You and Y/FN were catching up , its been forever since you guys caught up. You curiously asked "Why were you so invested in me getting that job?" Y/FN didnt reply instead she showed you a clip of him, she then showed you his social medias. "Does that explain why?" Y/FN said with a smirk on her face, she noticed you blushing just by seeing the videos. "Well- okay.." You said looking back at your laptop seeing a reply. "OMG OMG!!" You screamed, Y/FN looked at you. "Whats wrong?" Y/FN said. "They replied" You said in a very exited tone. You clicked on the email, Then you saw neymars number and a 'congradulations you got the job' Y/FN Started jumping up and down. "Do you know what this means? " Y/FN asked. "Your gonna famous!" Y/FN said. You giggled "Well im going now i have a job to do" You said smiling back at Y/FN. "oh okay Ta-ta!" Y/FN said. When the uber pulled up to Neymars house you gasped "wow this is huge" When you stepped out, the uber driver popped the trunk open and passed you your bags "Heres your baggage" Your uber driver said. You took your bags and headed to the front door, when you rung the door bell it took quite a while for Neymar to awnser, and he wasn't even the one that awnsered his son did. "You must be Davi" You said "Mhm, come in" Davi said. Davi showed you your room and walked off, probably playing his playstation. When you finished unpacking you went down stairs. "Hey Davi wanna play outside?" You asked Davi "Yes please, can we play soccer? Theres a ball in dads room, can you get it?" Davi said " Oh sure. Wait outside for me, ill go grab it." You replied. You thought to yourself "should i really be doing this? I mean I'm entering Neymar's room without his permission? Ill just grab the ball and walk out.." When you opened the door you saw Neymar in bed naked, you tried to look away but it was so long and thick. It kept drawing your attention to it, eventually you found the ball on his bed side table. You grabbed it and went to walk away, but Neymar grabbed your hips and pulled you in "Where are you going Y/N?" He said with a cheeky smirk, you looked at him "I-I w-was getting t-the ball s-so m-me and Davi c-can play soccer-" you said stuttering some of your words. "Shh, he'll be fine. Play with me for a bit" You'd notice he was hard, then look back at him nervously. You were so wet. "Can I?" Neymar asked, you nodded and he pulled your panties off. Rubbing your clit in a circular motion at a good rate. You moaned quietly, He pulled you onto the bed, you realised what he was gonna do and you nodded. He bent you over then slapped your ass. "You were so wet you little slut." Neymar said. He slid his big cock into your vagina "Fuck your pussy is so tight he said gripping your ass. He was going so fast, its like hes been wanting to do this forever. He grunted meanwhile you were a moaning mess, moaning every time it slid in and out. "Fuuckk... Your so tight i think I'm gonna" He came inside of you making you feel amazing. He slapped your ass one more time. "I-I better go play soccer with Davi now.." you said "ill join in" Neymar said smirking at you..

Will this continue?

Are you just his one night stand?

Do you even mean anything to him?

[lady-severus-snape]

A little ficlet. 18+ mdni published by me on fanfiction. Angst, tragic, romance, character death

Enough

Severus/ reader

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Potter related, only my own characters and ideas. Trigger warnings, possible, do not read under 18. 

I’m not strong enough to stay away 

I can’t run from you

I’d run back to you

Like a moth, im drawn into your flame 

You say my name 

But it’s not the same 

Severus ran as fast as his long legs could carry him, heart beating in his chest. ‘Please, be ok. I’m coming!’ he screamed in his mind. The second Great Wizarding War had ended, and he miraculously came out of it alive. The damage he sustained from the bite had forever damaged his voice and left him with neuropathy in his appendages but even so, he had found the most beautiful creature. He had woken up in St. Mungos to the voice of an angel. Severus had been in a coma for nearly 4 months after getting bit by Nagini. The ministry had absolved him of any war crimes with the help of Potter. During his time in what he calls the void, Severus kept hearing a soothing, gentle voice speaking to him. Everyday he heard her talking to him and joking with him. Some of her jokes had him in stitches with tears running down his face. Her touch, by the gods, her touch was a balm to his soul and damaged body. He never felt hesitation, pain, coldness, only warmth and dare he say it love. When he came out of his magically induced coma it was her face he had seen. It was round and framed by luscious (y/h/c) curls. It reminded him of a lion’s mane, but more tamed. Her (y/e/c) eyes held warmth and glittered like stars in the night sky. The dour, potions master was instantly besotted. 

You look in my eyes

I’m stripped of my pride

And my soul surrenders

And you bring my heart to its knees

She was a volunteer, and always visited the comatose who had no one. She read to the children and spoke with the adults. She was 5,6 with a full figure. Severus didn't care, if anything he thought her to be his personal fertility goddess. Everyday she would come to sit with him for no less than an hour. Sometimes, she spent her WHOLE day with him. Her wit matched his and her laugh would make his heart flutter. “(y/n)” Severus rasped softly whenever he caught the sounds of her footsteps or her humming a tune. It would be another 6 months before he was deemed healthy enough to be discharged. (y/n) had been present for every milestone in his recovery and failure, his best cheerleader. He had found that she was a muggle, whose family had borne magical children aside her. Her family decided to integrate themselves into the wizarding world to keep the magical side of the family together. Severus didn't care about that either. 

And it’s killing me when you are way

And i wanna leave but i wanna stay

Anim so confused, so hard to choose

Between the pleasure and the pain

And i know it's wrong, and i know it's right

Even if i tried to win the fight

My heart would overrule my mind

And i'm not strong enough to stay away

After his last day at the hospital he decided to grab the bull by its horns and confess his growing feelings for (y/n). He wasn't sure if she would want to keep in contact with him after or even remain friends. He was done playing it safe. He would always love Lily, but he knew and understood that his love for her was merely due to his taste of being shown love and care. It wasn't real love….not like this. When she came in he blurted everything out.

“(y/n)! I have fallen in love with you. I know I'm a snarky, sarcastic old bastard at best ... .but would you do me the honor of allowing me to court you? Forgive me, if I have been presu-” Severus cut off and froze. Her lips had sealed over his, in the sweetest kiss he ever did receive. 

“Severus…..you had me at hello.” whispered (y/n) when she released Severus' lips. Severus immediately pulled her to him, encasing her in his arms. He kissed her deeply, passionately, trying to convey all the emotions he could not find the words for. When they had separated for air, the two of them sported flushed cheeks. 

“(y/n)....i- truly?” he whispered frevorently. She nodded her head, not trusting her voice just yet. (y/n) gently cradled his face in her hands with the tenderest of touch, her thumb tracing his bottom lip. Severus kissed the pad of her thumb, his heart racing in joy. 

Im not strong enough to stay away

What can i do?

I would die without you.

In your presence, my heart knows no shame

Im not to blame

‘Cause you bring my heart to its knees

Time had flown in a whirlwind of romance he could only compare to the trashy novels that he saw Lily read in their youth. Before he knew it they had courted for a year and a half already. (y/n) had moved in with him at Spinners end and helped him manage the apothecary in hogsmeade he had purchased with the compensation the Ministry had paid him for his spying services. (y/n) had witnessed every nightmare he had and even met his godson Draco. Life for him was going pretty well. So well in fact that Severus, had looked into the vault left to him by the late Prince Lord, his grandfather, and chose the Lady Prince ring. It was gold with 24kt emerald, cradled in 8kt peridot diamonds. When he presnted the ring to her, (y/n) had made the joke that now her heart would forever belong to the Half-Blood Prince. Severus had been overcome with joy, they celebrated well into the night. Exchanging pleasures of the flesh. She may have been 20 years his junior, but she was his match. They decided not to wait and marry at first opportunity. (y/n) didn’t care for a ceremony or reception, being the only muggle left after her parents died, caused her relationship with her remaining magical members to fizzle out. So the next day they floo’d over to the marriage registry department at the M.O.M. and married each other. Severus becoming Severus Galileo Prince and (y/n) was (y/n and m/n) Prince. 

And its killing me when youre away

And i wanna leave, and i wanna stay

And im so confused, so hard to choose

Between the pleasure and the pain

And i know its wrong, and i know its right

Even if i tried to win the fight

My heart would overrule my mind

And im not strong enough to stay away

The memories flashed in his minds eye as he skidded down the alley way. It had been 3 wonderful years since that day. And now where expecting his first child with (y/n). He had gone to the wholesaler to see about a new ingredient for his stock when the wards he set up for his shop and his wife safety went off. Alarm bells ringing in his head. Severus felt dread and fear grip him in its icy fingers. He ran out the wholesaler, trying to make it back. He had been to far to apparate and with the damage sustained he couldn’t perform a large quantity of magic. Once he staggered into the point of apparition, he activated the emergency portkey. He crashed into the apothecary and the scene he happened upon made him fall to his knees and scream in pain and terror. The love of his life was nailed to the back wall of the counter. Her nude form on display for all to see. Her throat had been slashed, bruising on her hips, thighs, and breasts showed that (y/n) had been sexually assaulted and tortured. Her lips had been sewn shut and her eyes gouged out. Severus heard screaming echo in his ears insistently until he realized they were coming from him. Severus staggered to his feet. Just as he stepped forward, a figured stepped forth from the back entry way. Severus reared back in shock. It was Draco, all bloody and held a bundle in his hands. There was a crazed looked in Draco's eyes. 

“Hello, Uncle Severus. You're just in time to celebrate with us. It's a girl” cackled Draco. Severus looked at the bundle then at (y/n). The blood was running down her abdomen.

“NO!!!!” Severus cried in denial. Draco had cut his baby out her. Severus drew his wand and pointed it at Draco, ready to kill him when the bundle let a wail out. His baby was alive! Severus petrified Draco and lunged forward as he crumbled to the floor catching the bundle. Severus moved the broadcloth away and saw the face of his child, his precious child, no bigger than his hand. His baby girl was a spiting image of her mother. Her mother, his love. Looking back up at her body, sobs wracked his body. Holding his baby close to his chest he took his wand and sent a patronus to the aurors. 

There's nothing I can do

My heart is chained to you

And I can't get free

Look what this love's done to me

Severus moved behind the counter and use is wand to remove  the nails holding (y/n) to the wall. Her body slid to down into Severus' free arm. He swayed his two loves.

“Look (y/n), our baby looks just like you. She lucked out, baby. She didn't get my nose. I'm naming her Bimori like we discussed. She's going to be the potions mistress in history, she'll beat her old man.” Severus talked as he swayed them. “This your mother Bimori. She is the sweetest, kindest woman I have ever met. She is like the warmth of the sun.” No sooner had those words left his lips when the aurors arrived. Potter was the first to speak. “Professor…….I am sorry to do this. But I need your statement and memories of what has happened.” Severus turned to Potter. “Harry…..Draco, he-” his throat closed up. He couldn't, fresh tears fell down his cheeks again. Harry noticed the bundle in Sevrus arm. “Hey, I need a healer over here!” Harry barked out. Auror healer Berkins stepped through and immediately cast diagnosis charms on the bundle. “It's a girl….her name is Bimori.” Sobbed out Severus. Harry caught Severus as he swayed, the strength waning and trauma hitting him full force. “I got you, sir.” Murmured Harry. “Healer Berkins will take care of little Bimori” 

And it's killing me when you're away

And I wanna leave, and I wanna stay

And I'm so confused, so hard to choose

Between the pleasure and the pain

And I know it's wrong, and I know it's right

Even if I tried to win the fight

My heart would overrule my mind

And I'm not strong enough to stay away (not strong enough, strong enough)

The funeral took place once her autopsy had been completed and the Draco had been questioned under verasitum. Draco, had formed an  a sick obsession with (y/n). Stalking her, confronting her. The experiments he was planning on conducting with her body. It condemned him to the deepest pits of Azkaban. You could hear Draco's screams echo through the chamber as the aurors hauled him away. Bimori had been developed enough to where she survived her unexpected birth unfortunately, her brain had not be able to develop all the way. She would forever depend on her father Severus. Severus, mourned the death of (y/n) for the rest of his life. He thought manyba time to end his life but his love for his little Bimori was far greater. She indeed was her mother's twin. Bimori would never age past 3 yrs old, so Severus had become her full time caregiver until he could not any longer. He had set up a trust fund with Harry as her power of attorney and God father. The damage of the war and his broken heart caused his early demise. Severus died at age 75, very young for a wizard of his status. He was buried next to (y/n), a memorial held in his honor. 

To stay away (not strong enough, strong enough)

(Not strong enough, strong enough)

And I'm not strong enough to stay away

Song by Apocalyptica feat. Brent smith

[bruhhhh-huhhhhh]

GUESS WHO'S BACK FUCKERS

Its me

I'm back

You gotta love me not working on requests and being a nerd and brainstorming ideas with @colemorrison

(This one's for you pookie) (I'm sorry I'll never say that again)

This is so ass I'm sorry Im like, half asleep

Into the Void

Cole hadn't thought anything would happen. It was a simple mission that wouldn't require too much effort. That's why it was only Cole, Hanzo, and Mercy who went.

Hanzo hadn't thought anything would happen either. To him it was just another mission for them to do.

Until Cole got shot.

They hadn't anticipated Talon to be there. Much less Widowmaker to have her first shot be at Cassidy.

Hanzo was taking down Talon soldiers left and right as Mercy did her best to push them back enough to get to the safehouse. To get somewhere where they could get to exfil.

Thats when Widow dropped down from one of the ships. Hanzo hadn't noticed her until it was too late. He couldn't even get to his boyfriend, his fiancé, before the bullet went through Cole's torso.

Mercy cussed in her native tongue as Hanzo slung his bow over his shoulder and grabbed Cole, who was standing with his hands over his bleeding stomach. The archer lowered Cassidy to the ground. "Hey there, Han," Cole said, looking up to his lover.

Hanzo was crying. He hadn't even realized how the tears streamed down his cheeks until they landed and mixed with the blood spilling from Cole's stomach.

"Han, you can't give up. If I don't make it-"

"Don't talk like that."

"Please, Hanzo. If I don't make it, you need to be happy again without me. You can't blame yourself for this."

The tears came harder, and Hanzo pulled Cole closer to him.

Widow was getting ready to take the final shot, to take out two targets with one bullet. Just as she started to pull the trigger, Genji appeared out of nowhere. He used his sword to deflect the bullet, sending it back to the sniper. She just barely dodged it and was pulled back up before she could fire another shot.

Seeing his brother, Hanzo looked confused. "Where did you come from?"

"That's not important now, brother. Come, let's get him to Angela," Genji said, putting one of Cole's arms around each of the brothers shoulders. The cowboy was out cold at that point, leaving them to drag him along.

Mercy could only apply a temporary bandage until they got to the safehouse, which didn't do much to stop the damage.

Hanzo was crying the whole time that they dragged Cole through back alleys. He cried as they pulled him into the safehouse. He cried as they laid him down on the bed that the two of them had been sharing just hours prior. He cried as Mercy started her work on Cole.

After what felt like forever, Mercy got Cole stable enough to not need her immediate supervision.

"He's unstable right now, so he might crash at any point. If anything starts beeping in a way that you don't trust, come and get me. This is all I can do until Lena comes to bring us back to Gibraltar." She goes to place a hand on Hanzo's shoulder but decides against it and leaves the room.

Hanzo stayed there for days. Cole died twice, and both times Angela managed to bring him back, but only barely. Cassidy was in and out of consciousness, and every time he was awake, he was more lucid than anything.

When Tracer came to get them out of there, Hanzo wasn't allowed to follow Angela and the other healers into the back of the hovercraft. They put up some sort of wall to stop him from trying to pry. Genji had to hold him as he continued to sob and had to catch the archer when he passed out from exhaustion.

~~~

When Hanzo woke up, he was on a chair in a clean room that smelled of antiseptic. He slowly opened his eyes, adjusting to the bright fluorescent lights of the hospital wing.

Cole was already awake with multiple IV's connected to his arms. "Hey, Han," Cassidy said, his voice rough with disuse.

The archer looked at Cassidy like he had grown a second head. "You're..." He cut himself off by launching himself onto the cowboy's arms. Cassidy let out a little "oof," but held his fiancé close.

"Nice to see you too."

"Never do that again. Never, you hear me? I'll never forgive you if you die before we get to be old and married and have kids. Am I understood?" Hanzo said, his voice burning with intensity.

Cole started to laugh, but stopped at the glare that he got. "What?"

"I'm serious, Cole Cassidy. I can't-" his voice cracked and the tears started again.

Cole's face morphed into concern as he held the archer closer. "I know, honey. I know. I'm sorry. I'm not goin' anywhere."

"You died. Twice. I was so scared."

They stayed like that for a while. Hanzo crying and Cassidy rubbing his back and holding him. "I was so scared."

"I know. But I'm just fine now thanks to you."

Hanzo didn't have the energy to confess that Genji was the one that saved him by deflecting that second bullet.

After Hanzo calmed down and climbed into bed, Cole came to a realization.

"Ain't I supposed to be the one that needs to be comforted?"

"Shut up."

[5-htagonist]

god damn im so happy rn... ill stick it under a readmore bc its about food and my appetite idk if it would be triggering also this turned into more of a diary entry than anything lol My Blog My Rules though

i made curry last night and im really happy because ive been having a lot of trouble eating and Making myself eat, on top of being really erally really broke so we havent had much food in the house thats just Ready To Go consistently.. like, we always have oats, but we dont always have milk, and i cant eat them with water.. or we have ham but we run out of bread, or all i want are fruits and leafs but we cant really keep anything except apples/oranges/grapes because they dont go bad before we finish them, or bananas cause they arent really ruined if theyre overripe you just throw them in the freezer. so we cant get salad materials.

if i try to just shove calories in my body and i dont like it i wont finish it. like i will feel full until i stop trying to make myself eat it. and this isnt even just when adderall affects my appetite.

then, on top of all that, i know if i eat i have to do dishes. my husband usually does them, but hes been going through a really bad time for the past couple months too, plus we only moved out july 2023, and before that his mom had been Divorced outta the house earlier that year iirc plus id been living there since july 2022, so his brain and nervous system has felt safe enough for the ptsd recovery stage for nearly 2 years. and he gets hit really hard with seasonal depression, and he has adhd too. he typically does dishes, i typically do laundry. the problem is its easier to wear the same clothes for a few days, or rewear laundry that isnt rancid, or wear ill fitting clothes that have been shoved to the back of the dresser, but its hard to wash a dish when the sink is full and the kitchen is overwhelming.

so, to avoid having dirty dishes, i wont eat. whats worse, is i was insanely stressed over school for like 3 weeks. all the stress i should have had this semester hit me really bad all at once. when im that stressed, i cant think about anything relevant to maintaining myself-- especially not maintaining neutral-positive self talk and constructive self esteem. which means i shut down if anyone needs anything from me real or imagined. which means i cant be there for my husband and make sure he eats and check in on him. so all this stupid shit just feeds into itself. ive had more s/h urges than ive had in years i think, and not even in response to anything extrinsic.

my goofy ass got drunker than i usually do super quick the other night, it wasmy husbands birthday party. i cleaned up the apartment super nice since mostly my stuff was strewn everywhere and did the dishes. i didnt eat all day and i think i had like, one inadequate meal the day before. so i was exhausted after cleaning, our roommate ordered pizza and i ate and passed out for 3 hour nap. by the time i got up everyone was already at Least buzzed. my brother in law got a mom call and my husband (drunk) was like Hey. Give me the Phone.. tell her i wanna talk... because she LOVES being upset that her kids are having a good time and feels the need for Hour Phone Call when and where she wants it, and my BIL is an adult but they dont treat him like one, so hes still really deep in feeling trapped in these trauma responses.

this i think is what really got me, other than not being on my full dose of adderall so my emotional abilities were compromised lmao. i was tryingto tell my husband i love him, because i was leaving to weed store, and he was getting triggered while drunk, so he was annoyed i was interrupting the call and i didnt get my byebyehugnkiss. not to mention they were being really loud earlier. so now i feel bad. i get back immediately down 2 shots (3 shots is where i am Comfortably Drunk) and share a j actually post cancelled kendrick just dropped. the point was that i got too drunk and started hitting myself on the head and crying in the kitchen floor lol but who cares about that KENDRIIIIIIICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK