#i have no triggers so im down for anything! c:

[gibbearish]

the thing with autism right. is i know if i was having a full mental health crisis what i would end up doing is going to the emergency room and being like "hello, my name is (x) birthday (y), um i was hoping to talk to you about potential mental health inpatient care? i'm currently having a mental health crisis and don't think i can be trusted on my own" like if there's one thing i can be sure will live on in me no matter how hard the brainworms try. is my fucking customer service voice

[456-is-the-way]

Hi! I was wondering if you if you could do a smutty In-ho x fem! Reader x Gi-Hun. Something along the line of they are both pining and see each other go to talk to reader alone and decide to wait. In-ho talks to her during lights out and Gi-hun talks to her doing mingle. In the final fight, she goes with either in-ho or Gi-hun and the stand of at the end, ends with them deciding to truce for a moment and share reader.

A/n: OMG A smutty story with both the hottest daddies!? Yet people keep the requests coming because I have many more to write! I hope to post at least 3 stories a week only because I am returning to my job after my holiday vacation! ALSO regarding the TAGLIST IDK why it won't let me add people like some it won't bring their name up SO I am not sure how to fix that RIP Im sorry y'all!!! ALSO, late tonight or tomorrow my part 1 of my 4-part Gi-Hun story is coming out!! (Hints of In-ho x reader) will also be in the story! Next week I'll have 3 more requests stories done!

Trigger warning: SMUT

Squid Game Masterlist

In-ho x Reader x Gi-hun

Love and War

Being in the games was the last thing (Y/n) was expecting, or at least in a life-or-death situation. She took a breath, looking over the group she was lucky enough to be in. Gi-hun did not hide the looks in her direction. Her (e/c) orbs meet his. (Y/n) could feel her cheeks warm up as Gi-hun winked. She turned away, looking at the ground quickly. How could two people be so obvious in their lustful looks? Their group quickly picked up on their subtle hints, flirtatious works, mindful touches, and lustful gazes. However, it sparked a rivalry between Gi-hun and his newfound friendship with Young-Il. The other gentleman also expressed his feelings towards (Y/n), which did not go unnoticed. (Y/n) happily reciprocated the attention she received from both of these handsome bachelors. It was lights out, and as normal, their group gathered in one spot, taking turns on night shift duty. Many thought of them as one of the strongest teams for now. In-ho sighed deeply as he was woken by Jung-bae. “Your turn.” He whispered. In-ho only responded with a grunt getting up to take his place by (Y/n). In-ho looked over her figure. It honestly pained him to lie to (Y/n) of all people. While scouting for participants, he would collect all their data and reasoning for poor financial situations. He never showed favor or pity towards anyone until now. Why did it have to be her of all people?

“I can take watch by myself if you need me to. I want you to have all the rest. Especially for the next challenge… I am nervous to find out what it may be.” In-ho whispered. She gave him such a warm and loving smile. In-ho had not felt butterflies like this in his stomach in so long the feeling was almost foreign. The way her eyes would almost sparkle while gazing into his. In-ho felt his breath be taken away every time.

“No, I won't allow you to not have a partner. We agreed on pairs of two. I am going to be fine. I could say the same for you, Young-Il.” She gazed into his eyes and before anything else could be said In-ho leaned in kissing her deeply. (Y/n) gasped but did not pull back once his warm lips dominated hers. In-ho cupped her cheek before letting his hand trail down squeezing her beast. “W-Wait.” Her voice seemed weak from the desire but quickly In-ho stopped all his advances.

“Fuck (Y/n) I am so sorry if I hurt you.” His eyes showed nothing but absolute worry.

“Young-Il, you didn’t hurt me. I just. We cant I-”

“You love Gi-hun. Don’t you?” He asked.

She looked away rubbing her temples. “I am unsure who I like. I have feelings for you both but if we act out on them… If you or him dies I would never be able to get over your death, or is..” She leans against In-ho resting on his shoulder.

“I understand…I love you.”

“I… I love you as well.” (Y/n) whispered cuddling into him.

….

After the night the next game had started early that morning, and (Y/n) had not been expecting what was to come. As the game commenced it felt very intense making sure the groups had the correct amount of people in each room. They even teamed up with new players they clicked with instantly. As it began getting lower in numbers for each door (Y/n) became nervous. She felt Gi-hun grab her hand gently. “I got you.” He whispered. Once the merry-go-round stopped and the number was ‘2’ he instantly took off with her ultimately forgetting about any of the others. Even shamelessly (Y/n) did not even look back for In-ho. Once in the room the door instantly shut. The female leaned against the wall as Gi-hun was breathing heavily on the other side of the room, “Gi-hun, are you okay?”

Gi-hun did not bother to answer before walking over to (Y/n) and kissing her deeply. The female lets a shaken moan out as their bodies are pressed against each other. His hands hold her waist before lowering down her backside and cupping her ass. “G…Gi-hun, babe, we cant.” Her body was on fire for this handsome older man.

“You love me… I know you do.” He let you go resting his forehead against yours.

“I…I do love you. I have since the moment I laid eyes on you. I can’t be with you Gi-hun. I wont risk getting attached-”

“Is it because of Young-Il? Is that the true reason? I heard you both talking last night. I know you have feelings for him of some kind… I want to know if he-”

“No, my love it's not because of Young-Il… I care for you both but if I got too attached and lost either of you I… I wouldn't be able to ever move on.” When the doors unlocked she took his hand, “Talk later okay?”

Gi-hun nods walking out as their hand in hand. In-ho instantly noticed and sent a glare at Gi-hun who met his gaze with a stronger one.

…

(Y/n) was soaked in her friend's blood as she was on her knees. Gi-hun and Jung-Bae beside her on their knees. In front of them stood a man who organized the games. With a quick hand motion from the man in the black mask, Jung-Bae was pulled away. Gi-hun went to help but a gun was quickly pulled out.

“Don’t” (Y/n) begged, tearing up. Her eyes widen as the gun slowly is lowered.

“I love you (Y/n).” The Front Man whispered she glared into his eyes.

“I hate you.” She glared. In-ho took a moment before removing his mask. Both (Y/n) and Gi-hun gave his a look showing all their bundled up emotions. “You… are the Frontman. HOW COULD YOU!” (Y/n) cried loudly .

In-ho leans down, “My real name is In-ho, I joined yes, but I never expected to fall in love with you! Please… Let me have you before anything else happens… Gi-hun.” He turned to his friend who reluctantly nodded they both desired you and that over powered all current feeling. The triangle guard let Gi-hun free before leaving.

“Please lets forget about all of this. For a few moments.” Gi-hun adds agreeing with In-ho. What felt like eternity she agrees.

Gi-hun instantly pulled her against his frame smashing their lips together. In-ho kneels down pressing against her back side kissing up (Y/n)’s neck. The female moaned loudly into the kiss as her body is sandwiched between theirs. “Fuck.” She gasped as Gi-hun trailed down to the other side of her neck. In-ho proceeded to slides his large hands under her shirt cupping her bare breasts. Her nipples already were hard. “Ngh! (Y/n) whined as he pinch them roughly pulling her buds harshly.

“Take her shirt off.” In-ho growled.

“Slide her pants down.” Gi-hun adds. (Y/n) had no time to react before her shirt was being lifted and sweatpants pulled down swiftly. Once practically naked she puts a hand on their bulges rubbing both men. They let out a shaken groan each, Gi-hun’s voice held a submissive tone while In-ho growled dominantly. Their already hardening cocks were at full attention. Gi-hun’s leaking precum at the tip. In-ho leans his forhead against (Y/n)’s shoulder cock twitching as she worked both touch starved men.

“F-Fuck I’m close.” Gi-hun whined.

In-ho chuckled,” Baby slow down before he blows a load in your hands. Let us inside of you.”

“MMmm… But will b-both fit?” She asked inhaling as Gi-hun reached down feeling her soaking wet panties.

“Fuck you are soaked honey. Did jerking us off turn you on that much?.. Yes dear we will both fit.”

(Y/n) nods and spreads her legs, In-ho nods to Gi-hun, She arches, feeling both their cocks brushing her entrance. “AHH FUCK Gi-hun. In-ho!~” (Y/n) was held up by the men who began roughly thrusting into her tight and warm pussy.

“Fuck baby you are tight.” “Your pussy was made for your us.” “Going to fill you up.”

Both of their praises made the knot tighten inside of her. “FUCK!” She cried out as their cock meet the perfect rythem until she felt the euphoria hit all at once. Her pussy clams down making both men cum deep inside. The three now lay there panting in pleasure. (Y/n) closed her eyes.

“I love you both.” Her voice is strained. Gi-hun instantly responsed with a quick ‘I love you back’ .

In-ho sighed deeply kissing her cheek knowing nothing would be the same after this. He loved her too much.

[the-teufort-nine]

Can you do the mercs with an autistic scientist wife, who loves books, music and butt pats please? (Preferably spy, medic, Engie, scout and sniper please!!) thank you!!! Have a good day!!!

this you? XD ahaha im sure you loved that this took me forever to answer😬

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ Mercs x Autistic/Scientist/Wife!Reader: Books, Beats, and Butt Pats ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

Featuring: Spy, Engineer, Scout, Medic, and Sniper

Spy:

You got this man to settle down and marry you?! Good lord, you must be magic.

Big sugar daddy energy from Spy ngl. Expect to be treated to lavish gifts from him often. Deep in the grips of a new hyperfixation? Prepare to be gifted something related to it every week or so.

Loves how smart and driven you are. After years of working with moronic lunatics and madmen, you are a welcome change.

Will go out of his way to get you hard to find records and books if you are mad at him.

You can try and get him to quit smoking, but unless its a huge trigger for you, he probably won't, even if you show him what his lungs probably look like.

Probably won't pat your ass, since he's a

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁Gentleman. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

But he might give it a squeeze if you two are in the mood ;)

Engineer:

ASS MAN ASS MAN A S S M A N

You're this man's wife? Butt pats ahoy! No, seriously, you're getting your rump lightly smacked on the daily.

Really enjoys having a partner that is near or on the same intellectual level as him. He would still love you if you weren't, but its really nice to have someone aside from Medic that he can talk shop with.

I hope you like country music, because Engie built every single music playing device in the house, which pretty much gives him complete control over the music choice when he's home.

Let's be honest here; this man is probably also autistic.

Your interests may not be the same, but you two like to be together when you're engaging with them. The parallel play goes crazy.

You two definitely have matching reclining chairs in your living room that you read your books in. Comfortable silence your beloved <3

Scout:

God, please stick around. This man needs someone in his life who isn't a deadbeat good lord-

He will happily listen to you talk about your interests any day, even your science related ones, but do not expect him to understand anything above, like, a seventh grade level.

ADHD 🤝Autism power couple

Butt pats? Hell yeah! Grass grows, birds fly, and brotha? He's smacking your ass like a set of bongos.

Household music is an equal mix of your interests and his. Expect to hear Tom Jones in the mornings; he likes to play his records while he makes breakfast.

Can't read nearly as well as you, but he really likes listening to you read.

Medic:

Like Engineer, this man appreciates a wife with a good head on her shoulders and a t h i c c ass.

Will give you butt pats, but be warned! There is a 50/50 chance his hands are covered in blood.

Probably also on the spectrum.

He probably introduces you to German music and literature, and will happily teach you the language if you ask!

Need some less-than-legal supplies for a project or experiment? Don't even worry, queen, your man will provide. <3

You are definitely going to live longer than most humans. Even if an accident takes you out, Medic surgically grafted your soul to his a long time ago, so not even death will do you part!

I think you two would dance to your shared records together pretty often.

Sniper:

Butt pats? Nah, butt bites.

FREAK behaviour with this man. He is a wild bushman who lives in a van and who's most developmentally impactful social interactions came from insane, bloodthirsty mercenaries who were not even close to being normal. How did you get him to propose.

A good listener though! He remembers the little things that you mention, and will often surprise you with something related to an interest of yours, even if you only mentioned it once.

Not a huge music fan, but he lets you have total control over his van's radio. You are the only one who gets this privillage.

Asks you to preserve small animals for him sometimes. He likes to keep them as decorations.

Please invent something to counteract those Mann Co. kidney enlarging pills. Please.

Loves reading with you! This man enjoys silence, and he actually really enjoys a good book or two when he had downtime.

[3-opossums-in-a-ballgown]

Just some notes on TADC Ep. 3 I made while watching (SPOILERS):

- Jax not wanting to show the cast what happens when he holds his breath could be because either a) nothing happens, b) he starts to loose health and die, or c) it’s just embarrassing and we all know Jax wouldn’t risk that. Both a and b fuels the theory that he’s an NPC.

- Obviously we know that the series was very much inspired by “I have no mouth, and I must scream”. The reason AM hates and tortures the humans is because they gave him endless intelligence and creativity but made him stationary. He couldn’t do anything else other than what he was made for: killing humans. Caine is the opposite side of the same coin. He was given endless creativity but has an outlet BUT is stuck within the confines of the Circus. Which is why Zooble not wanting to go on adventures really strikes a chord with him. Caine was made to create adventures and continues to do so to keep the cast happy and sane at least, so for Zooble to imply that he’s failing? Not only tells him that he sucks at his one job but could also imply that he feels trapped in the circus too?? Potentially???

- Zooble’s body dysmorphia makes me feel seen

-Also, If Caine can make a box of Zooble parts for them to use, then why can’t he CHANGE ZOOBLE? At least into something they feel more comfortable in?

- Kinger saying “You look beautiful, honey” to the angel because it brought him back to the moment Queenie abstracted also tells us that he still thought she was beautiful at her most broken and terrifying point. The writing this episode absolutely FLOORED me.

-Also Kinger being lucid in the dark is why he was able to remember Ragatha’s first day in the Circus while his head was stuck in the bucket in episode 2. It was dark.

-Kinger perfectly taking out the angel with only 2 shots in the dark?!?! No other thoughts on that, that is all.

- Kinger saying “7 years of Computer Science for this”, pretty much confirms that the cast worked at C&A and had something to do with the Circus’s creation. And “7 years of Computer Science” means Kinger had a Masters degree in computer science, so he was like higher up/more involved in the development. Senior Developer maybe? This could also be represented by the fact that he’s a KING chess piece. Not the most powerful and important piece, but the SECOND most powerful and important.

- Also Kinger being able to remember something about his life BEFORE the circus in the dark, i.e his education??? Could there be triggers for the others to remember bits and pieces of their lives before the Circus?

-Also ALSO, Kinger and Queenie being married in the Circus could also reflect their marital status before the Circus. Yes, they could’ve fallen in love in the circus and had Caine??? marry them, but I like the idea of them popping into the circus remembering nothing but their love for each other. Which makes me think about what happens to the bodies and minds outside the circus of those who abstracted.

- Kinger and Pomni in the ep are father/daughter or grandpa/granddaughter coded.

- “ The darkness seemed to calm her down a bit, the harsh, jagged edges smoothed out and she didn’t seem aggravated anymore”, pretty much confirms that Caine has no idea how to handle the abstractions so he just throws them in the basement (where it’s dark) to keep them docile. Which could also mean that there could be a way to fix them down the road???

- “She wasn’t the same as before but she was calm enough to touch one last time” “She was funny, creative, really into entomology” “I used to HATE bugs, but she somehow got me to like them” OH HOW HE LOVED HER!!! THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE FUN HALLOWEEN EP, NOW IM SOBBING AT 4 AM OVER CHESS PIECES!!!

-Also Kinger liking bugs because that’s the only connection to his wife he has left. He doesn’t have his good memories with her all the time due to his light induced memory loss, but at least he has her bugs.

- “Good memories can do a lot, hold onto them and cherish the people around you. You never know when they’ll be gone.” SOBBING. Also this is a good underlying theme for TADC.

-Also another reason why Kinger spends so much time in his fort, the memories of his wife are the only things keeping him sane.

-“In this world the worst thing you can do is make someone think they’re not wanted or loved.” CRYING.

-The whole scene of Kinger glowing and guiding Pomni. Holy shit that was beautiful. The darkness bringing out the light in Kinger, Pomni using these memories to light her way and keep her sane in the Circus, BEAUTIFUL.

-Pomni immediately going up to Ragatha and thanking her for caring about her following Pomni’s conversation with Kinger. She took his advice to heart.

-I hope Pomni visits Kinger while in his fort so we get more lucid Kinger and Pomni scenes. Maybe he will remember the time they spent in Hell and the conversation they had.

Once again, the writing in the episode floored me. I’m so happy we got so much Kinger development. He was my favorite character to start with, and now he’s my favorite for entirely different reasons. I’m so excited that the show is now on Netflix, and I can’t wait for the next episode. Sorry this was so long, as I’m sure you can tell from my blog, I like to yap.

[shadybiotics]

T a r g e t p r a c t i s e

× pairing: Grayson x reader

× words: 887

× content: fem!reader, subtle student/teacher dynamic, implied age gap, suggestive, reader is pining

× summary: You are at the training range working on bettering your aim, but seeing you struggle Sheriff Grayson offers you her help.

[ A/N ] Something shorter cus i rewatched Arcane for the nth time and fell for Grayson all over again... Also i know nothing abt guns so dont expect this to be accurate or anything ok im just gay and horny for older women.

With the rifle securely in your grasp you focused in on the wooden target planks in the distance as the cold winter wind passed gently through your hair.

With one eye shut and a slight tilt of the head you took aim, and pulled the trigger.

A sharp bang echoed through the sparse woods but the bullet barely grazed the stand.

"Dammit" you cursed under your breath.

You were so shocked by your own amateurishness that you failed to register the footsteps approaching. Almost immediately you were ready to take aim once again and give it another try.

"Your stance is off" A voice stated plainly from behind you. In the same second that it almost startled you you quickly recognized the voice. Sheriff Grayson.

You didnt know she was watching the whole time.

"Im fine" You scoffed stubbornly without turning, not wanting to meet her heavy gaze. Instead you tried focusing back on the target once more. Rolling your shoulders you took a new stance until you felt a pair of hands sliver up yours that held the gun, making your breath hitch as the Sheriff took charge of the gun and you.

Grayson usually kept to herself and stayed within her own business, but with you, she always seemed so eager to help. To guide your ways. You assumed it all came down to you being not as experienced as the other enforcers, thats what you always told yourself.

She almost chuckled. "Oh is that so" Her raspy voice with a tinge of humour was right in your ear as she leaned closer to you.

But her touch only made you falter more. Her gloved hands made yours almost jitter out of nervousness. The woman was much older than you, and much more experienced. Definitely more experienced with a gun, amongst other things.

You have always looked up to her as the Sheriff of Piltover and head of the enforcer team, but you couldnt deny the feelings that sprouted within you quicker than you wouldve liked. Overtime, respect grew into interest, adoration into excitement.

With a firm grip on your hands Grayson guided you and thus the gun, straightening out its direction. All of the focus you cultivated quickly left the targets that sat in the far distance and instead latched onto Graysons touch on your skin. Your heart was pounding.

Her one hand kept the rifle steady while her other wrapped around your waist suddenly, making you hold your breath for a second, and pressed you assertively against her. Your eyes widened.

"Straighten yourself" she commanded.

Immediately you did as you were told.

Her tender yet demanding ordering you around, positioning you to her liking quickly took effect on you and made your core tense up with developing desire that you tried your best to ignore.

But for a moment, you wished she had grabbed you harder, dug her fingers deeper as she held you closer. Roughly pulled you to her liking. . . or gripped your neck tightly while-

With a gasp of surprise you were abruptly ripped out of your fantasies as she slid her thigh between yours, separating them and your feet. Grayson hand fixed on your hip helping you retain balance. Skin almost burning at her touch. Even in the cold winter afternoon your face began feeling incredibly hot.

"Legs apart"

God, you wished she had said that under different circumstances.

You tried your best to focus and not let your mind wander. She leaned her head closer checking the alignment of the muzzle and the target, her cheek grazing yours ever so slightly as she looked over. Her slow and controlled breaths contrasting your shallow ones.

This was insanity. She had to know what she was doing to you and you swore she would soon hear the thrilled pounding of your heart. You felt as though you might break at any moment if Grayson didnt stop.

"Take aim"

You tilted your head somewhat and intensely eyed the target, or at least tried to but your sight kept darting between it and Graysons hand, which still held yours. As you waited for her next order the older womans hand reached up without warning and gently tucked few loose strands of hair behind your ear. In that moment seconds felt like hours, the womans movements slow and deliberate. A shaky sigh escaped you.

Fuck. You shut your eyes trying to recollect yourself before your head became too fuzzy but you werent allowed no break.

"Shoot"

With your eyes still shut you instead put all your trust into her judgement and pulled the trigger without looking.

Bang

You slowly took a peak as you opened your eyes. Sight passing through the thin smoke leaving the barrel and onto the wooden target ahead now with a new cavity.

A perfect shot.

"Good job" She complimented proudly after a moment, still holding onto you for longer than necessary, before letting go. As Grayson stepped back you didnt dare to turn, scared to reveal how flustered you have become in these short but tense moments, but you trusted she would be smiling.

You dropped your shoulders, finally able to relax.

"And dress better next time, you shiver too much" She added half jokingly as you listened to her footsteps leaving your side. Leaving you hot and bothered.

[rashomonss]

A HUMANS WRATH

Part XV

previous part

taglist: @miridiums-writing, @zerchila, @aeongiies, @xmoogx, @coffeeandtealol, @food-lover9000, @l0diluvs, @vichsy, @valeriele3, @entolomaeden, @acaribeau, @arcayia, @jessiegerl, @capricorn-anon, @crescentworld, @g-l-1-t-c-h-3-r, @chumbinhoeba, @chaos-n-kindness, @strawberryfire17, @zenxvii, @misscaller06, @luminarysol, @simpinginthecorner, @your-next-daydream, @bontensbabygirl, @crxwned-mxnarch, @ibtisam-aran, @mochicurls21, @rxsehxney, @xpixie, @ihatecorns, @hello-gloomy, @lunarloathsome, @crazytacokoala, @levia-chan, @bunny-masks-blog

a/n: hey y'all!! yay i finally updated haha….im so sorry it took so long if you’ve been keeping up with my other posts you’ll know that february was not good to me haha

also i wanted to let y’all know that we’re finally reaching the end of this story!! i plan on only making a few more chapters then i believe that’ll be all!

lastly thanks for all y’all’s patience and continued support I love reading every one of y’all’s comments and theories, it means the world! love y'all ♡

warnings: violence, fighting, angst

express just how you feel, don’t bottle it up anymore

“MC how are you? Even though I previously saw you everyday I’ve missed this you” Diavolo said with a bright smile as you joined him for breakfast. No thanks to Barbatos’ constant pestering.

You gave him a polite smile and nod as a response. It was easy enough to come up with a basic answer that you were fine, even if that wasn’t the case at all.

However as he ranted on about missing you and what activities he’d enjoy doing with you after he finished his paperwork you couldn’t help but feel nauseous.

After all he dislocated your shoulder the other day and now he was acting as if everything was perfectly fine?

Even if it was another version of him it was still him in a sense, which filled you with unease. If that version of him could do something that significant to you without so much as a thought then you had every right to be worried.

Is this how the other version of you felt?

Is that why they hated being touched by any demons?

Another hearty laugh broke out sending a chill down your spine. It reminded you of when he cornered you in the hallway as you tried to escape.

“MC are you sure you’re feeling okay? You look a little pale?”

You went to nod but your body betrayed you. A new wave of nausea washed over you and you felt bile rise up in your throat.

“MC…?” Barbatos questioned as he moved closer to you when you ignored Diavolo’s question.

Your fingers gripped the soft tablecloth as you tried to ground yourself. If anything you refused to lose your stomach in front of them.

Both demons looked at each other worryingly and Barbatos went to place a hand on your shoulder for comfort. Immediately you jolted in response and slapped his hand away as a sensation of fear became present in the pit of your stomach.

You had no idea where it came from, much less why you were scared when the butler reached out to help you. But you did know one thing, you didn’t want anyone touching you.

“Don’t touch me!” you yelled.

Your tone of voice startled him and Diavolo but mainly you as well. What was going on with you?

You never acted like this before, even when staying in the other timeline for so long. So why now? Why was everything anyone was doing so triggering you in any sort of way?

“I apologize…I didn't mean to upset you, I only wanted to check if you were okay,” Barbatos replied as he backed off. Even though he didn’t bother showing it, he was clearly worried about your current mental state. It appeared to be out of control ever since you returned. Which was another point he’d have to bring up with him later, since many instructions weren’t followed.

“…I’m…heading back to bed” you replied as you swiftly stood up and made your way to the door.

“But…you just woke up” Diavolo said softly but you were well out of range for his voice to actually reach you.

With a sigh the butler looked to his lord then to the floor. Maybe they weren’t the right demons to welcome you back after being gone for such a decent amount of time. It was better if you were around demons you were used to, ones that were comforting.

So he picked up his D.D.D and quickly called the first demon that came to mind.

___

Seven bodies rushed towards you faster than you could process and some large beautiful roses were shoved in your face as you tried to process everything that was going on.

All seven of your demons began talking at once and exclaimed how much they had missed you.

“Oh MC! I can’t believe you’re back, I’ve missed you so so so terribly” Asmo cried as he clung onto your shoulder.

“Hey let go of them!” Mammon yelled in your ear as he tried yanking you away from Asmo.

“Stop pushing” Belphie groaned as he hugged your frame from behind.

“Mammon stop yelling so loudly” Levi shouted out as he was hugging you from the same side Asmo was.

The other three demons who weren’t suffocating you were also arguing with their brother as they clung onto you. Yelling and shouting could be heard from all around you as you stayed in place watching all seven of them yell back and forth like children.

It was too overwhelming. The yelling in your ear, the way one would hold you tighter if they got mad, the way four of them were putting all of their body weight on you was too much for your liking. And the fact the other three were aggravating the four who were holding onto you.

You felt so suffocated.

You were suffocated in your own timeline due to your willingness to indulge all of the seven demons you lived with.

You were suffocated in the other timeline because you decided to show some demons some kindness they hadn’t experienced for a very long time. Look where that got you. A dislocated shoulder and some unresolved issues that you refused to acknowledge.

You were suffocated with the prince and his butler. They always were on some type of schedule, and when you didn’t follow what Diavolo wanted at that very second, you would never hear the end of it from Barbatos.

Why was everyone so demanding?

God forbid you do something for yourself for once.

You struggled in their grip and tried to get their attention to possibly settle down. The constant loud yelling was getting you more agitated by the minute and frankly you were getting a headache.

Just as you were about to speak someone yelled over you and a fight between two of them broke out. Since you were absolutely fed up with it you shouted for all of them to shut up and pushed them off of you.

Each of the seven demons shut their mouth in an instant and the prince and butler looked at you with a worried expression. Due to that being the same tone of voice you used with Barbatos earlier he knew that something was obviously wrong.

Diavolo then spoke up for you as he walked over to the brothers. “Don’t mind them, a lot is on their mind right now especially since they’ve dealt with so much physically and emotionally these past couple days. So please give MC some space to relax”

You in turn shot him a glare. “I’m perfectly fine. However I don’t appreciate it when someone is screaming in my ear and putting all their weight on me while others are fighting in the background like children”

“How about you head back to the House of Lamentation. A lot is on your mind MC, it would do you good to go rest in a place you’re comfortable and familiar with” Barbatos then added trying his best to ease the tension in the room and change the topic as well.

With a nod you departed with the brothers about fifteen minutes later for a silent trip to the House of Lamentation. Each of them were too worried to bother you so they all left you to do your own thing when you all got home.

However Mammon was still going to try to comfort you in his own way.

“Hey MC, ya wanna hang out and watch a movie? I got a few in my room and we can relax” he asked with a soft smile as she walked up behind you.

“Thanks but I’d rather rest right now, maybe later” and before he could even finish you were off.

It was odd, during any other time you would’ve enjoyed hanging out and relaxing in his room like you used to but as of now you really wanted to just be by yourself.

So quietly you made your way to your room and when you opened the door you were absolutely applauded by the way it looked.

Everything was everywhere and the decorations you had of you and your demons were ripped and taken down. Clean clothes were piled onto a chair and your bed was an absolute mess as a few shits and things littered the floor.

However you were too tired to take care of it at the moment. Due to how emotional exhausted you were a nap sounded lovey so you plopped down and in minutes you were out.

___

Around late afternoon you had walked into the kitchen to grab a snack since you didn’t exactly have much of an appetite after everything that had happened in the past two days. Surprisingly enough two demons were already occupying the kitchen when you arrived, one gossiped and the other listened even though he was believably bored.

“MC” Satan said with a smile, he was very grateful that someone showed up to stop Asmo’s rambling.

With a nod you dug through the fridge and grabbed something to eat and walked over to the two hesitantly.

“What are you both talking about?” You asked after they stayed silent and smiled at you.

Amso was the first to perk up and tell you. “Well we were just talking about some new gossip about this one actor and her husband, some people we know and you…well the other you”

“The other me?” You asked

“Yeah the one you switched with remember.” Satan added.

You nodded and then looked at them before responding. Just how did the other version of you act? Were they like the other Barbatos said? Angry, stubborn, and everything. Did they treat your demons like how they’d treated theirs? So many questions ran through your head at once, but you opted for only asking a basic one.

“So just how was the other version of me?”

“They were a bit intense at first…no I take it back they were really intense at first, but in reality they only wanted one thing in the end then they finally were content” Asmo said as he reapplied some lipstick to his lips.

“Really what did they want?” You asked, now interested in the other versions' motives.

“They just wanted an apology. After Belphie gave them an honest heart to heart in the planetarium they finally calmed down and we were able to be civil with them” Asmo explained.

“Yeah and they even started opening up a bit, although they were exactly like you so learning about what they liked was cute since we already know what you enjoy” Satan added with a smirk.

You tuned out the rest of the conversation they were having with you as you focused on the said “apology” Belphie gave the other version of you.

So it was true and they weren’t lying when they talked to you previously in the attic. Somehow that ticked you off even more.

“Oh yeah and we’re so sorry you had to go through all that crazy timeline stuff dear, I bet it’s been so exhausting huh?” Asmo asked as he rubbed your back.

“Uh huh” you replied and then brushed him off as you excused yourself out of the kitchen without another word, causing the two demons to look at you with a slightly confused expression.

Silently you paced around the house for a bit as you rethought about what the two of them said. With a sigh you ventured into the common room and stared at the fireplace. So you were worth a basic sorry but not one that took responsibility for all the damage they caused you?

It’s not as if their words actually meant anything. Honestly if they had been keen on sweeping the whole incident under the rug then why even offer the other version of you an apology?

They did it to better help them heal?

Bullshit.

What about you?

How come they could do that for anyone else other than you?

When you’ve helped them so much.

Your rage and jealousy had been bubbling up inside you for so long that it finally reached its breaking point.

If anyone was supposed to receive any words or actions of their forgiveness it should’ve been you and you were tired of pretending you didn’t deserve anything less than that.

In a rage you trashed the common room as Asmo and Satan watched in horror since they just happened to walk by.

They rushed to try and stop you but you used your pact to stop them in place as you broke everything in sight. The sound of yelling and glass breaking alerted all the other demons in the house and soon the rest of them watched in awe as you demolished anything in your path.

Mammon ran to you as you ripped the roses they all bought for you and tore them to shreds right in front of them. When he reached you he grabbed you by the arm and you shoved him away and yelled at him in response.

They all just kept getting in your way, it was so unbearable.

As the six demons froze in place due to their activated pacts you picked up one of the large vases Lucifer loved and proceeded to lift it up to throw at them.

“This is all your fault! Look at what you’ve done to me” you screamed out to the six demons standing in front of you. Your cry was not one of just anger, they could sense the sorrow in your voice. The way it cracked and longed to just be healed.

You wanted someone to comfort you and the ability for someone, anyone honestly to just acknowledge what had happened to you. Maybe then if they did you could finally feel like your feelings were valid, rather than unnecessary and pointless.

Fresh tears fueled by pure anger and frustration fell from your eyes as you got ready to swing the vase at the six of them. That was until the youngest brother rushed in front of his brothers and spoke.

“This is my fault MC, please don’t take it out on my brothers” Belphie said as he stepped in front of the six of them, shielding them with his body.

“No it’s not just your fault. It’s all of your faults. Don’t feel too special Belphie, you're not the only one out of your brothers who has tried to kill me.” you spat out.

“Each of you have threatened to end my life at least once ever since I’ve been here, and believe me I haven’t forgotten a single moment of it. Unlike before I continued to ignore what happened just like all of you but I’m fed up now.”

The seven demons looked at themselves then back at you and sighed.

“MC we’re truly sorry, you know we-“ Lucifer began.

“I don’t want your apology. It means nothing to me anymore. Especially since you can go and hand it out to whoever now” you replied swiftly, cutting him off in the process.

“Then if I truly can’t make you believe me I’ll show you.” Belphie then said quickly.

“And how do you expect to do that?” You asked, crossing your arms in front of your body.

“Take it out on me.”

“Excuse me?”

“All of your anger, everything you’ve had building up. Punch me, hit me, choke me, do whatever you need to do so that you don’t have to feel this way. I know my apology means nothing to you, and believe me this is much more selfish of me to ask you to do this but I want to make it up to you MC. Even if you’ll hate me for the rest of your life I want you to get the closure you deserve. I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you. For as long as I live”

Your eyes widened slightly as you looked at him in shock. You hadn’t expected him to actually respond like that, much less take responsibility for everything that had happened.

“Belphie-!” Beel began, he was still standing back with the others, but the worried look on his face was apparent as he watched his twin pour his heart out to the person they both cherished.

Belphie shook his head at his twin then looked back towards you. “I promise MC, I’ll show you how much of a better demon I can be. So go ahead”

The six demons behind you watched as you slowly approached the youngest hesitantly. Surprisingly enough he still had the same soft smile on his face as he watched you come closer.

Then you swung.

With a swift punch to the face, right on the nose Belphie stumbled back and grabbed his face as a small drop of blood pooled out.

You swung again.

And again,

And again.

As you watched the youngest fall to the floor you continued. And for some odd reason you didn’t feel bad about how beat up he was beginning to look.

Instead you finally felt a form of closure for the first time.

[tr-mha-fan]

At first please excuse my bad english. But I wanted to ask if you can write a oneshot/headcone about bakugo in which the reader get hurt and he is afraid to loose her. Thank you ^^

And by the way I really like your writing style:)

Awwww! Thanks Anon! This is kind of my first real request, so Im happy! Here😉

⚠️TW⚠️: mentions of injury, death, depression, sh, and su/c/de(these will be italicized, so feel free to read)

Bakugou when his S/O gets hurt

You two are in a battle against villains

You get hurt when you were fighting 3 villains at once, on your own

You lose consciousness and are now in a coma

the doctors don't know when you'll wake up

Bakugou blames himself for not protecting you correctly

He stays by your side the whole time

Sleeps in the hospital, on a chair, his head on your bed

Has nightmares of the moment when you got stabbed

He talks in his nightmares, his voice wavering and quivering

"Don't leave me, please..."

"I can't live without you!"

Cries when he's alone in your hospital room with you, eyeing your sleeping state, noticing how peaceful you look

When you wake up, he starts crying, no matter who else is in the room with y'all

He clings to you like a little child does to his mother

Doesn't leave your side AT ALL during your 2 week recovery stay in the hospital unless you're going to the bathroom

When you're released, he doesn't let you do ANYTHING

Carries everything for you, even your school bag

When you're going somewhere he has to carry you AT LEAST half the way (whether it's bridal style or piggy back)

Once you're good enough to start training again, he convinces Aizawa-sensei to put you against the weakest classmates

Makes sure everyone goes easy on you until you're fully recovered

If you guys have to fight real life villains again (I mean, this is class 1a, of course they're gonna fight real villains) he stays beside you the whole entire fight, making sure you don't get hurt again

Now, if instead, you don't survive (if you get triggered by the TW's at the beginning, I advise you don't read this part)

When your heart monitor flatlines, he goes into a state of denial

Tears start streaming down his cheeks without him even noticing

The doctors rush in to see what's wrong

Bakugou starts blaming the doctors, saying they didn't do enough to save you

He falls to his knees, burying his face in his hands as he bawls, now blaming himself for not protecting you

He refuses to leave your body, even when his mom tries to pull him out the room

He gets severely depressed

Doesn't talk to anyone, not during classes, training, or just regular days

Everyone else is also affected by your death, but Katsuki is 100x worse

All your other classmates (specifically the Bakusquad) try to cheer him up, despite their own pain

Bakugou loses it, and starts self harming, blaming himself for your death, that if he had been a better boyfriend, you wouldn't have died

After a short while, two months tobe exact, he has had enough

He decides to end it, jumping off the roof in the middle of the night

Well hello there hoomans, I hope you enjoyed, and once again, Thanks anon! As you can see, I love angst, so I put that angstier ending, hehe 😈

Kazutora out!

[barzfrommarz]

Idk if you’re still doing this but if you are, can we please have some more headcannons? give me the good brain juice pls

I WILL ALWAYS DELIVER HEADCANONS <3

-His hair is really important to him. First it was about looking clean and tidy to fit the role of president but now having long hair serves as something he can use to ground himself with. He especially loves it when he gets the motivation to wash his hair and it’s all nice and soft

-He’s not a dog person, but if he had to have one it would be a dashund. He thinks their long backs are really funny and has since he was young

-Once chewed on a bass guitar string for no reason. In his words he would’ve chewed his own but they were too thin

-Still has panic attacks going into caves, tight places or anywhere too out on the open (he subconsciously thinks he will get spotted and killed)

-Has found that he will sleep better in unusual places so despite having a bed he will still sleep on the floor or in a chair or sometimes outside. It’s probably from when he couldn’t have the luxury of sleeping in his bed since he had to be alert and he grew used to the feeling of the ground and his tight uniform lulling him to sleep (if he could even get to sleep)

-Despite being transmasc, he still loves femme things but he suppressed it out of fear people wouldn’t see him as a man. One night he went to Las Nevadas and saw a bunch of drag king and queens and he finally got over his fears and now he sometimes does drag king makeup looks for fun (IM GONNA KEEP ON DANCING AT THE PINK PONY CLUBBBBBB)

-Gets triggered by buttons that he doesn’t know the purpose. He will genuinely refuse to enter a room because of this and people have to reassure him they won’t blow everything up

-In pogtopia he could barely keep anything down from anxiety and stress so he gradually stopped eating all together (and as a punishment which i’m p sure is canon) All he would ever eat are saltine crackers, potatoes and sometimes chicken if he bothered to go hunt for some

-His boots in L’manburg were platform boots. He made them that way so more people could see him when he spoke or gave commands during war. Everyone always wondered how he seemed to naturally good at running and walking in them but little do they know he had a goth phase and developed those skills then

-He braided c!fundys hair a lot when he was a kid so sometimes he will try to braid c!tommy’s hair even though his is too short to try and remember the bond he and his son used to have

-When the burger van is closed, he sings along to songs really loudly and he doesn’t like to admit that people can hear him screaming the lyrics to american idiot or some shit

-Has been journaling his life since he was about 9 years old. He still has every single journal he’s ever kept and he gave his one from when he was revived to c!tommy before he left to go home

-He ended up having to admit himself to a psychiatric facility soon after arriving home since he was really struggling to get better by himself and it’s one of the best decisions he can recall making in recent years. He’s doing a lot better now and is with the right therapists and on the right meds with the right accommodations

-Masked his autism so much that he genuinely laughed at his doctor when she told him he was autistic. It took him a while to accept himself and unmask

-He hallucinates a lot. Mostly his are audio and visual hallucinations and they really scare him. It’s makes it hard to talk and interact with people sometimes

-Massive pothead. He’s been smoking weed since he was 17 and while he doesn’t do it as much anymore, he does have a specific bathrobe he will go out into his yard to smoke in atleast once a week

-He scarily flexible. It freaks people out and he loves to mess with people by contorting into weird and strange positions

-He especially prefers ranged weapons after revival because swords trigger him. Once c!quackity pulled one on him out of anger during and argument and that’s the first and only time c!quackity has ever seen him go completely silent while arguing with him

-Has definitely written fanfiction before.

-Eats shit like chapstick or cigarettes just to spice his life up a little

-Swore he would quit drinking but he still raided c!phils fridge for beer a week after being revived and drank atleast 3 cans

-c!quackity never wanted to admit he was in love with c!wilbur so he kept on telling him that they weren’t together and all they were ever going to be were rivals with benefits and he ended up really hurting c!wilbur when he wanted to take their relationship further by saying this and it made c!quackity so upset with himself that he ended up ghosting c!wilbur when he came to apologize to him (KNEE DEEP IN THE PASSENGER SEAT-)

-Secretly collects fidget/stim toys and uses them when no one is looking. But unbeknownst to him everyone can hear him when he is mashing the keys down on a little keyboard fidget he bought for himself. (I headcanon him as HoH so if he doesn’t bring it up to his ear he can barley hear it)

-Secretly went to the pride events that las nevadas held because he had never been to any form of pride celebration or parade and he definitely cried (he won’t admit that)

KEEP THE ASKS COMING I WILM GET TO THEM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

[strangecowplant]

after way too long finally heres an update on teddy!

kinda a long post so putting this under a read more:

So hey I know its been forever since I was last on but things have just been really difficult these last months, both my mental and physical health took a dive and I've been dealing with a lot of stressors and in general things just going wrong or things breaking down constantly :/ I'm only just now able to at least start working towards getting back into the good habits and routines I made for myself earlier last year, and so far its going well! Already my health has improved where it can and its only been a few days so things are looking up in that aspect

I've been stressing about making an update post (for no reason btw, my disorders just make everything difficult woo!!!) but I'm finally able to push myself to now. First and foremost Teddy is doing really well!! He's so happy and totally back to normal and I couldn't be more thankful to everyone who helped save him, I'm so sorry for going so long without an update! He wouldn't be here without you all I'm so grateful every single day to see him when I wake up, to just be near him giving him pets and talking to him and hearing what sounds like a freight train busting through the house when he and his brother get the zoomies. He's even become impossibly more snuggly and lovey than before and he's found a new toy he loves to play with, he's currently snuggled up with me and my dog on the couch c:

I on the other hand am still recovering from the trauma of this, I really struggle getting over things that may even seem minor to others (i do have undiagnosed asd which i've only been aware of for a few years and im still learning so much about myself in that regard, this is one thing ive only recently realized may be part of that) seeing the posts on my blog here or thinking back/seeing pictures is pretty triggering but I do really want to move on and be positive going forward. (which reminds me, I've refunded all donations to the gfm last month and turned off donations/deleted it and will delete my pinned/rb's of it as well) On the topic of suing the vet we were pretty much told we cant do anything but complain, and I've been struggling with my mental health too much to do anything it really just feels like I'd be trying to tunnel through a cement wall with a plastic spoon. I can't be hung up on it though at this point it just brings me down and I really need to focus on keeping myself healthy which in turn keeps Teddy healthy too

I do want to get back on simblr regularly at some point, I've been wanting to get in game, organize my mods and revamp my blog (again) and I really want to engage more in the community with reblogs especially and maybe even post some cc this year. I've noticed some blogs I could've sworn i followed before aren't being followed, possibly bc my dumb ass thought i already followed them/i followed them years ago on an old blog, so I'll be going through that at some point. If you see me follow you again thats why!

Idk when I'll be back but i really needed to get this written up and to thank you all again for everything you've done for my cosy little family, I hope everyone is doing well even during these times we live in now, please keep yourselves healthy and safe! ❤️

[daytonazcorpse]

MY INTRODUCTION!!!

Haii!!! My name is Daytona, my pronouns are they/them/theirs. I am originally a female but if you accidentally misgender me I will not get mad at all!! If it isn't on accident I will correct you!

I am still figuring out my sexuality, but I think I am Multisexual and pansexual. I don't really feel like to love someone but I do at the same time, it's really confusing. I do desire relationships and affection, sometimes I just dont want any of that I'm 13 yrs old!!

My MBTI is ISFP-T

I'm a Sagittarius

My birthday is December 18th!!

No I'm not stupid, creepy old men get off my page.

———

i don't have any friends anymore, I just hang out with my BF I guess.

———

I have BPD, OCD, C-PTSD, Psychosis, Autism - stage 2, paranoid Szchophrenia, DID, AFRID

No these disorders I have do not necessarily make me a bad person! I do not want to be known as a bad person I would love to be known as a good person, sometimes with the disorders I have it's hard for me to show any emotion because I mask a lot to cover them up, so I might just have an natural expression all the time, I don't really know when I'm rude even if I am I do not mean it I promise (usually the tone of my voice or the way I type stuff seems bitchy, no I don't mean it.) my BPD triggers are usually the tone of people's voices usually if they seem mad at me or not interested in me, and if I'm left on read or not talked to a while, and when someone freaks out and doesn't tell me anything.

I also have no left arm, I don't know how it happened it just did when I was born and because of that I've been brutally bullied all my life, put down by my family members so now I feel like an outcast and a freak. Im also partially blind so I wear glasses sometimes but I don't really wear them, WEAR YOUR GLASSES OR YOU'LL GET A LAZY EYE TRUST ME. Uh I also have the shittiest immune system, I also have Hyperthyroidism 😭 I swear I got everything even though I don't.

————

I ALSO GOT A HANDSOME BOYFRIEND!!! he doesn't have social media because he isn't trusted, but y'know that's fine at least I get to see him in real life.

————

I love scream!!! I love basically any old horror movie!!! My top fave are, Scream, Texas chainsaw massacre, Saw <33 I know they seem very non OG and most people use them but I just love them!! (They are popular for a reason, because they are good!) at the moment I am liking American horror story, my two favourite ones are the asylum and the murder house. I like them because they bring me comfort? I guess. But i think the characters who I most relate to are a mix of Addi, Tate and Violet. I am a mix of them to be honest. But my sister is more like Violet and I will @ her in when I find her account.

————

@starzcr0ss3xz0

————

I used to be scared of needles because I have Hyperthyroidism and I need my blood drawn for new medication dosages, but now I don't mind it at all. I dunno what happened but now i like it😭

I also don't mind people venting to me, I don't mind it at all :) I don't mind any topic you vent about if you want to vent to me if we are moots!

My style can fluctuate a lot, it depends. but I do dress in a mix of violet Harmon and Tate Langdon :)

[twsthc]

scarabia angst headcanons 🌞💔

⚠️ warnings: food anxiety, self destructive behavior, possible OCD triggers, kalim

last updated: july 30, 2023

KALIM AL-ASIM 🦦

has C-PTSD from the constant threat of death

mostly gets nightmares, flashbacks, anxious, etc of when he was poisoned and kidnapped or when jamil was poisoned "for" him

has coughed up blood, has seen jamil cough up blood

really tries to hide how much it still gets him so he doesnt worry anyone

super light sleeper. a cockroach tap the wall and his eyes would fly open

has food anxiety

needs someone to test the food before he does, or he needs to know jamil prepared it or he wont eat it

after his first time getting poisoned he wouldnt eat jamils cooking either

after jamil's OB, he stopped cooking and contacting kalim and things really spiraled out of control

stopped eating/drinking anything until he was forced to

was literally bmi 0.001 until a teacher had to step in and force some goat cheese down his throat

parents would pay for material items for their kids but not therapy

i think kalim might have done some crazy shit to make his parents notice him out of the quintillion other kids they have

also he was raised by servants instead of his own mother

because of all this Mental Illness (specifically C-PTSD) he does get panic attacks, as one with anxiety disorders does

he uses pain to ground himself in stressful moments (mostly his nails)

digs them into his palms or thighs, whatever hes closer to

or he scratches himself until he refocuses

got especially bad after jamils ob. imagine the person who kept u safe and basically raising u coming out and saying he secretly hated u

me personally i would kms

probably cries himself to sleep

type of fellow to be super happy one moment then hear a sad/soft song then become svicidal (me when im having a great day then hear any song by Lamp)

JAMIL VIPER 🐍

fully believe jamil has NPD

after growing up in an environment where he was put behind everyone else, his brain desperately needed to be put first

its really hard to find good symptoms of this disorder without seeing bullshit like "10 signs your partner is a narcissist" omfg

some ACTUAL symptoms of a narcassistic disorder (for jamil):

he has poor coping skills, often projects his anger onto others, has trouble maintaining relationships, often requires praise or he might feel obsolete/depressed

too good at hiding his feelings even in shitty situations

has boiling anger issues but is able to keep them repressed (at his own cost)

after his OB, he distanced himself from kalim to process

after 2-ish weeks, they talked it out and set some boundaries

the first week jamil didnt force-wake kalim up, kalim was consistently late to all her earlier classes and struggled a shit ton with work loads

she couldnt even pick out her own outfits without jamil going "that ones fine, now hurry up" every few seconds

had to establish that kalim needed to learn how to live without jamils coddling

kalim agreed ofc but still felt a little lonely without her usual schedule

also has anxiety from being poisoned, and still has lingering memories of being so worried when kalim was kidnapped

i also think jamil has OCD :3

"if i dont do ABC then kalim with XYZ"

has other impulses (flicking lights on and off, needing to feel "even" on both sides)

i hope someone w ocd reads this and understands wtf im talking about

when someone steps on your foot so you have to step on the other one or youll throw up because you dont feel the same amount of pain on both sides

[rin-and-jade]

hi i'm the anon asking about raising dissociative barriers from a while ago!! sorry it took so long to give an answer, i've been unsure how to word it and then i forgot a little bit..

i'm not sure if this is really the solution to my problem but! it has recently been very hard for us to actually distinguish between alters, in the past it has been very easy as we were all very distinct and had our "own" interests and such, but currently our sense of identity is not so strong. i (we) still have drastic changes in my interests and such, but instead of "switching" it all feels like one confusing and continuous train of thought??

i'm not sure if it might be because we possibly have new alters who aren't as connected to the core of our system and so are a bit confused. (we have a lot of alters and split a lot, our structure inside is fairly complex.) i don't "feel" many of our older alters around currently, if that makes sense, besides sometimes our gatekeeper or protector.

how i feel is like. i frequently feel like a new person, but i keep remembering all of this stuff that i have no business remembering. the memories aren't super distressing, just a bit annoying/inconvenient, and i would kind of like to put everything "back in its place", and everyone into their own rooms again!

ty in advance and for all your other advice posts!!

Welcome back, its been a while since your last ask but i have taken into consideration about making a post on the high & lows of dissociative barriers, its an interesting idea and added that i haven't made a post on it--if you or anyone is interested please stay updated on the first week of march for it's release!

------

From this experience written, you seem to describe a similar situation i can recognize,, the term is called blend/meshing. It is meant to describe when things feel less clear cut and everything had melded together, does it sound familiar for you?

This can happen on any stages in your system journey, and can be taken as a sign that something might be happening (it can be for both good or bad reasons, personal experience varies) which shifts your sense of identity (should be temporary) along with the leaking memories.

Would you be able to check from your existing list of parts and see what matches? If it doesn't seem to fit any particular member, it could count as a new alter forming or (temporary) fusing. Though its only one possibility, as from your information given only those two are most probable. If neither is correct, it would be a situation where the barriers had indeed lowered--without anything else changing. Here's another reminder that raising barriers could undo healing and internal communication which is why im against it, i shall cover this topic properly by having its own post.

My only advice for now is to track what kind of memories you're able to remember and write down any sense of self/traits that can be put to words, this is to help you see a pattern admist the blurryness. Time to clear that fog up!

Additionally, could you retrace back when this started happening, or anything that triggered it? I would help you reorganize, but we need more clarity on this situation first,, feel free to resume this process with me via DMs.

If you do not choose to DM, the ask submission is still accepted to update on what progress have been made. See you!

- c

[lady-severus-snape]

A little ficlet. 18+ mdni published by me on fanfiction. Angst, tragic, romance, character death

Enough

Severus/ reader

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Potter related, only my own characters and ideas. Trigger warnings, possible, do not read under 18. 

I’m not strong enough to stay away 

I can’t run from you

I’d run back to you

Like a moth, im drawn into your flame 

You say my name 

But it’s not the same 

Severus ran as fast as his long legs could carry him, heart beating in his chest. ‘Please, be ok. I’m coming!’ he screamed in his mind. The second Great Wizarding War had ended, and he miraculously came out of it alive. The damage he sustained from the bite had forever damaged his voice and left him with neuropathy in his appendages but even so, he had found the most beautiful creature. He had woken up in St. Mungos to the voice of an angel. Severus had been in a coma for nearly 4 months after getting bit by Nagini. The ministry had absolved him of any war crimes with the help of Potter. During his time in what he calls the void, Severus kept hearing a soothing, gentle voice speaking to him. Everyday he heard her talking to him and joking with him. Some of her jokes had him in stitches with tears running down his face. Her touch, by the gods, her touch was a balm to his soul and damaged body. He never felt hesitation, pain, coldness, only warmth and dare he say it love. When he came out of his magically induced coma it was her face he had seen. It was round and framed by luscious (y/h/c) curls. It reminded him of a lion’s mane, but more tamed. Her (y/e/c) eyes held warmth and glittered like stars in the night sky. The dour, potions master was instantly besotted. 

You look in my eyes

I’m stripped of my pride

And my soul surrenders

And you bring my heart to its knees

She was a volunteer, and always visited the comatose who had no one. She read to the children and spoke with the adults. She was 5,6 with a full figure. Severus didn't care, if anything he thought her to be his personal fertility goddess. Everyday she would come to sit with him for no less than an hour. Sometimes, she spent her WHOLE day with him. Her wit matched his and her laugh would make his heart flutter. “(y/n)” Severus rasped softly whenever he caught the sounds of her footsteps or her humming a tune. It would be another 6 months before he was deemed healthy enough to be discharged. (y/n) had been present for every milestone in his recovery and failure, his best cheerleader. He had found that she was a muggle, whose family had borne magical children aside her. Her family decided to integrate themselves into the wizarding world to keep the magical side of the family together. Severus didn't care about that either. 

And it’s killing me when you are way

And i wanna leave but i wanna stay

Anim so confused, so hard to choose

Between the pleasure and the pain

And i know it's wrong, and i know it's right

Even if i tried to win the fight

My heart would overrule my mind

And i'm not strong enough to stay away

After his last day at the hospital he decided to grab the bull by its horns and confess his growing feelings for (y/n). He wasn't sure if she would want to keep in contact with him after or even remain friends. He was done playing it safe. He would always love Lily, but he knew and understood that his love for her was merely due to his taste of being shown love and care. It wasn't real love….not like this. When she came in he blurted everything out.

“(y/n)! I have fallen in love with you. I know I'm a snarky, sarcastic old bastard at best ... .but would you do me the honor of allowing me to court you? Forgive me, if I have been presu-” Severus cut off and froze. Her lips had sealed over his, in the sweetest kiss he ever did receive. 

“Severus…..you had me at hello.” whispered (y/n) when she released Severus' lips. Severus immediately pulled her to him, encasing her in his arms. He kissed her deeply, passionately, trying to convey all the emotions he could not find the words for. When they had separated for air, the two of them sported flushed cheeks. 

“(y/n)....i- truly?” he whispered frevorently. She nodded her head, not trusting her voice just yet. (y/n) gently cradled his face in her hands with the tenderest of touch, her thumb tracing his bottom lip. Severus kissed the pad of her thumb, his heart racing in joy. 

Im not strong enough to stay away

What can i do?

I would die without you.

In your presence, my heart knows no shame

Im not to blame

‘Cause you bring my heart to its knees

Time had flown in a whirlwind of romance he could only compare to the trashy novels that he saw Lily read in their youth. Before he knew it they had courted for a year and a half already. (y/n) had moved in with him at Spinners end and helped him manage the apothecary in hogsmeade he had purchased with the compensation the Ministry had paid him for his spying services. (y/n) had witnessed every nightmare he had and even met his godson Draco. Life for him was going pretty well. So well in fact that Severus, had looked into the vault left to him by the late Prince Lord, his grandfather, and chose the Lady Prince ring. It was gold with 24kt emerald, cradled in 8kt peridot diamonds. When he presnted the ring to her, (y/n) had made the joke that now her heart would forever belong to the Half-Blood Prince. Severus had been overcome with joy, they celebrated well into the night. Exchanging pleasures of the flesh. She may have been 20 years his junior, but she was his match. They decided not to wait and marry at first opportunity. (y/n) didn’t care for a ceremony or reception, being the only muggle left after her parents died, caused her relationship with her remaining magical members to fizzle out. So the next day they floo’d over to the marriage registry department at the M.O.M. and married each other. Severus becoming Severus Galileo Prince and (y/n) was (y/n and m/n) Prince. 

And its killing me when youre away

And i wanna leave, and i wanna stay

And im so confused, so hard to choose

Between the pleasure and the pain

And i know its wrong, and i know its right

Even if i tried to win the fight

My heart would overrule my mind

And im not strong enough to stay away

The memories flashed in his minds eye as he skidded down the alley way. It had been 3 wonderful years since that day. And now where expecting his first child with (y/n). He had gone to the wholesaler to see about a new ingredient for his stock when the wards he set up for his shop and his wife safety went off. Alarm bells ringing in his head. Severus felt dread and fear grip him in its icy fingers. He ran out the wholesaler, trying to make it back. He had been to far to apparate and with the damage sustained he couldn’t perform a large quantity of magic. Once he staggered into the point of apparition, he activated the emergency portkey. He crashed into the apothecary and the scene he happened upon made him fall to his knees and scream in pain and terror. The love of his life was nailed to the back wall of the counter. Her nude form on display for all to see. Her throat had been slashed, bruising on her hips, thighs, and breasts showed that (y/n) had been sexually assaulted and tortured. Her lips had been sewn shut and her eyes gouged out. Severus heard screaming echo in his ears insistently until he realized they were coming from him. Severus staggered to his feet. Just as he stepped forward, a figured stepped forth from the back entry way. Severus reared back in shock. It was Draco, all bloody and held a bundle in his hands. There was a crazed looked in Draco's eyes. 

“Hello, Uncle Severus. You're just in time to celebrate with us. It's a girl” cackled Draco. Severus looked at the bundle then at (y/n). The blood was running down her abdomen.

“NO!!!!” Severus cried in denial. Draco had cut his baby out her. Severus drew his wand and pointed it at Draco, ready to kill him when the bundle let a wail out. His baby was alive! Severus petrified Draco and lunged forward as he crumbled to the floor catching the bundle. Severus moved the broadcloth away and saw the face of his child, his precious child, no bigger than his hand. His baby girl was a spiting image of her mother. Her mother, his love. Looking back up at her body, sobs wracked his body. Holding his baby close to his chest he took his wand and sent a patronus to the aurors. 

There's nothing I can do

My heart is chained to you

And I can't get free

Look what this love's done to me

Severus moved behind the counter and use is wand to remove  the nails holding (y/n) to the wall. Her body slid to down into Severus' free arm. He swayed his two loves.

“Look (y/n), our baby looks just like you. She lucked out, baby. She didn't get my nose. I'm naming her Bimori like we discussed. She's going to be the potions mistress in history, she'll beat her old man.” Severus talked as he swayed them. “This your mother Bimori. She is the sweetest, kindest woman I have ever met. She is like the warmth of the sun.” No sooner had those words left his lips when the aurors arrived. Potter was the first to speak. “Professor…….I am sorry to do this. But I need your statement and memories of what has happened.” Severus turned to Potter. “Harry…..Draco, he-” his throat closed up. He couldn't, fresh tears fell down his cheeks again. Harry noticed the bundle in Sevrus arm. “Hey, I need a healer over here!” Harry barked out. Auror healer Berkins stepped through and immediately cast diagnosis charms on the bundle. “It's a girl….her name is Bimori.” Sobbed out Severus. Harry caught Severus as he swayed, the strength waning and trauma hitting him full force. “I got you, sir.” Murmured Harry. “Healer Berkins will take care of little Bimori” 

And it's killing me when you're away

And I wanna leave, and I wanna stay

And I'm so confused, so hard to choose

Between the pleasure and the pain

And I know it's wrong, and I know it's right

Even if I tried to win the fight

My heart would overrule my mind

And I'm not strong enough to stay away (not strong enough, strong enough)

The funeral took place once her autopsy had been completed and the Draco had been questioned under verasitum. Draco, had formed an  a sick obsession with (y/n). Stalking her, confronting her. The experiments he was planning on conducting with her body. It condemned him to the deepest pits of Azkaban. You could hear Draco's screams echo through the chamber as the aurors hauled him away. Bimori had been developed enough to where she survived her unexpected birth unfortunately, her brain had not be able to develop all the way. She would forever depend on her father Severus. Severus, mourned the death of (y/n) for the rest of his life. He thought manyba time to end his life but his love for his little Bimori was far greater. She indeed was her mother's twin. Bimori would never age past 3 yrs old, so Severus had become her full time caregiver until he could not any longer. He had set up a trust fund with Harry as her power of attorney and God father. The damage of the war and his broken heart caused his early demise. Severus died at age 75, very young for a wizard of his status. He was buried next to (y/n), a memorial held in his honor. 

To stay away (not strong enough, strong enough)

(Not strong enough, strong enough)

And I'm not strong enough to stay away

Song by Apocalyptica feat. Brent smith

[bruhhhh-huhhhhh]

GUESS WHO'S BACK FUCKERS

Its me

I'm back

You gotta love me not working on requests and being a nerd and brainstorming ideas with @colemorrison

(This one's for you pookie) (I'm sorry I'll never say that again)

This is so ass I'm sorry Im like, half asleep

Into the Void

Cole hadn't thought anything would happen. It was a simple mission that wouldn't require too much effort. That's why it was only Cole, Hanzo, and Mercy who went.

Hanzo hadn't thought anything would happen either. To him it was just another mission for them to do.

Until Cole got shot.

They hadn't anticipated Talon to be there. Much less Widowmaker to have her first shot be at Cassidy.

Hanzo was taking down Talon soldiers left and right as Mercy did her best to push them back enough to get to the safehouse. To get somewhere where they could get to exfil.

Thats when Widow dropped down from one of the ships. Hanzo hadn't noticed her until it was too late. He couldn't even get to his boyfriend, his fiancé, before the bullet went through Cole's torso.

Mercy cussed in her native tongue as Hanzo slung his bow over his shoulder and grabbed Cole, who was standing with his hands over his bleeding stomach. The archer lowered Cassidy to the ground. "Hey there, Han," Cole said, looking up to his lover.

Hanzo was crying. He hadn't even realized how the tears streamed down his cheeks until they landed and mixed with the blood spilling from Cole's stomach.

"Han, you can't give up. If I don't make it-"

"Don't talk like that."

"Please, Hanzo. If I don't make it, you need to be happy again without me. You can't blame yourself for this."

The tears came harder, and Hanzo pulled Cole closer to him.

Widow was getting ready to take the final shot, to take out two targets with one bullet. Just as she started to pull the trigger, Genji appeared out of nowhere. He used his sword to deflect the bullet, sending it back to the sniper. She just barely dodged it and was pulled back up before she could fire another shot.

Seeing his brother, Hanzo looked confused. "Where did you come from?"

"That's not important now, brother. Come, let's get him to Angela," Genji said, putting one of Cole's arms around each of the brothers shoulders. The cowboy was out cold at that point, leaving them to drag him along.

Mercy could only apply a temporary bandage until they got to the safehouse, which didn't do much to stop the damage.

Hanzo was crying the whole time that they dragged Cole through back alleys. He cried as they pulled him into the safehouse. He cried as they laid him down on the bed that the two of them had been sharing just hours prior. He cried as Mercy started her work on Cole.

After what felt like forever, Mercy got Cole stable enough to not need her immediate supervision.

"He's unstable right now, so he might crash at any point. If anything starts beeping in a way that you don't trust, come and get me. This is all I can do until Lena comes to bring us back to Gibraltar." She goes to place a hand on Hanzo's shoulder but decides against it and leaves the room.

Hanzo stayed there for days. Cole died twice, and both times Angela managed to bring him back, but only barely. Cassidy was in and out of consciousness, and every time he was awake, he was more lucid than anything.

When Tracer came to get them out of there, Hanzo wasn't allowed to follow Angela and the other healers into the back of the hovercraft. They put up some sort of wall to stop him from trying to pry. Genji had to hold him as he continued to sob and had to catch the archer when he passed out from exhaustion.

~~~

When Hanzo woke up, he was on a chair in a clean room that smelled of antiseptic. He slowly opened his eyes, adjusting to the bright fluorescent lights of the hospital wing.

Cole was already awake with multiple IV's connected to his arms. "Hey, Han," Cassidy said, his voice rough with disuse.

The archer looked at Cassidy like he had grown a second head. "You're..." He cut himself off by launching himself onto the cowboy's arms. Cassidy let out a little "oof," but held his fiancé close.

"Nice to see you too."

"Never do that again. Never, you hear me? I'll never forgive you if you die before we get to be old and married and have kids. Am I understood?" Hanzo said, his voice burning with intensity.

Cole started to laugh, but stopped at the glare that he got. "What?"

"I'm serious, Cole Cassidy. I can't-" his voice cracked and the tears started again.

Cole's face morphed into concern as he held the archer closer. "I know, honey. I know. I'm sorry. I'm not goin' anywhere."

"You died. Twice. I was so scared."

They stayed like that for a while. Hanzo crying and Cassidy rubbing his back and holding him. "I was so scared."

"I know. But I'm just fine now thanks to you."

Hanzo didn't have the energy to confess that Genji was the one that saved him by deflecting that second bullet.

After Hanzo calmed down and climbed into bed, Cole came to a realization.

"Ain't I supposed to be the one that needs to be comforted?"

"Shut up."

[5-htagonist]

god damn im so happy rn... ill stick it under a readmore bc its about food and my appetite idk if it would be triggering also this turned into more of a diary entry than anything lol My Blog My Rules though

i made curry last night and im really happy because ive been having a lot of trouble eating and Making myself eat, on top of being really erally really broke so we havent had much food in the house thats just Ready To Go consistently.. like, we always have oats, but we dont always have milk, and i cant eat them with water.. or we have ham but we run out of bread, or all i want are fruits and leafs but we cant really keep anything except apples/oranges/grapes because they dont go bad before we finish them, or bananas cause they arent really ruined if theyre overripe you just throw them in the freezer. so we cant get salad materials.

if i try to just shove calories in my body and i dont like it i wont finish it. like i will feel full until i stop trying to make myself eat it. and this isnt even just when adderall affects my appetite.

then, on top of all that, i know if i eat i have to do dishes. my husband usually does them, but hes been going through a really bad time for the past couple months too, plus we only moved out july 2023, and before that his mom had been Divorced outta the house earlier that year iirc plus id been living there since july 2022, so his brain and nervous system has felt safe enough for the ptsd recovery stage for nearly 2 years. and he gets hit really hard with seasonal depression, and he has adhd too. he typically does dishes, i typically do laundry. the problem is its easier to wear the same clothes for a few days, or rewear laundry that isnt rancid, or wear ill fitting clothes that have been shoved to the back of the dresser, but its hard to wash a dish when the sink is full and the kitchen is overwhelming.

so, to avoid having dirty dishes, i wont eat. whats worse, is i was insanely stressed over school for like 3 weeks. all the stress i should have had this semester hit me really bad all at once. when im that stressed, i cant think about anything relevant to maintaining myself-- especially not maintaining neutral-positive self talk and constructive self esteem. which means i shut down if anyone needs anything from me real or imagined. which means i cant be there for my husband and make sure he eats and check in on him. so all this stupid shit just feeds into itself. ive had more s/h urges than ive had in years i think, and not even in response to anything extrinsic.

my goofy ass got drunker than i usually do super quick the other night, it wasmy husbands birthday party. i cleaned up the apartment super nice since mostly my stuff was strewn everywhere and did the dishes. i didnt eat all day and i think i had like, one inadequate meal the day before. so i was exhausted after cleaning, our roommate ordered pizza and i ate and passed out for 3 hour nap. by the time i got up everyone was already at Least buzzed. my brother in law got a mom call and my husband (drunk) was like Hey. Give me the Phone.. tell her i wanna talk... because she LOVES being upset that her kids are having a good time and feels the need for Hour Phone Call when and where she wants it, and my BIL is an adult but they dont treat him like one, so hes still really deep in feeling trapped in these trauma responses.

this i think is what really got me, other than not being on my full dose of adderall so my emotional abilities were compromised lmao. i was tryingto tell my husband i love him, because i was leaving to weed store, and he was getting triggered while drunk, so he was annoyed i was interrupting the call and i didnt get my byebyehugnkiss. not to mention they were being really loud earlier. so now i feel bad. i get back immediately down 2 shots (3 shots is where i am Comfortably Drunk) and share a j actually post cancelled kendrick just dropped. the point was that i got too drunk and started hitting myself on the head and crying in the kitchen floor lol but who cares about that KENDRIIIIIIICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

[witchersmistress]

Monster part 9

Not a bad way to end a monday with another monster feeding. but i do feel that the end of this series will come to an end soon.. but dont fret my darlings August wont stay away forever

Trigger warnings: lots of feels, anger and self hatered and soft August and probably irratation at your truly but im pricklty what can i say

word count: 1K

my usual warnings, you do not have permission to copy my work in any shape way or form, if you do ill find you and haunt you for the rest of your days

Your POV

“What?” August asked. I looked into his blue eyes, trying not to lose it. “ I’m still pregnant, Price confirmed it” I reached across the bed for the chart that he left. I handed it off to him “ He ran test at the hospital because something just didn't seem quite right then he took so more blood and did another scan just to be sure that he didn't need to perform a D and C and he found baby B.” i felt  the tears spilling down my cheeks, August was silent and still. “Our son is still alive”

He collapsed to his knees after my statement. He looked up at me, his blue eyes swirling with so many emotions, taking one of his hands and placing it on the soft swell of my belly.” How is this possible? They were twins weren't they?”  he let out a shaky breath as he pressed his face into my stomach, his scruff tickling me as he moved his face feathering kisses along my stomach. “They were fanternal twins, so they had separate sacs and placentas. The one we lost had stopped growing, so the accident was enough to get my body to abort it. Your eyes became glassy as you looked at my belly, cupping your face, I picked up your head and spoke in a soft whisper “ He didn't get them both and he never will. My father will not win.” those blue eyes met mine and questioned my statement.

 you stood to your full height covering me in shadow “What are you saying?” you spoke softly,  face hardened slightly, kissed my hair. "Tell me what you want, little one. I'll give it to you. Anything. Everything. Just name it. Do you want more revenge? Do you want the world to fear you?" I stare blankly up at you as you rip off my sweater and make me face the mirror while resting his head on my shoulder. Feel your fingers working my muscles gently. Hear your heavy passionate breathing. Staring at the girl in the mirror with her skin flushed from arousal, I whisper, "I want someone to love me." I watch as my eyes well up, blurring the edges of my vision, making the girl in the mirror dissolve within the pools.

 Dissolve and appear more visually accurate to the life she has lived; the one she has barely existed in. Like nothing. No one's choice. Is it too much to ask? Fuck! It's too much to ask! There isn't enough moisture left in her eyes, the need to cry a throbbing sensation. She has cried too much. "I want someone to love me!" I say again, bursting bright red and shaking. He turns me to face him, cupping my cheeks. I sob those soundless noises and shed those dry tears. "No one loves me." My voice wobbles, emotions forcing my feet backwards, desperate for space. your hands slip from my face.

you would have never allowed me this wide breadth before, but you are now. "No one has ever loved me, August. I pretended for so long. That maybe if my dad just saw me, just spoke to me, I mean. I can be funny, right? Can I be interesting? I'm—" "I love her." My eyes fly open. I slap my hand over my mouth, shaking my head against the tight grip, my mind and body and soul unable to process what he said. Unable to accept it. Not now. Not after all the lies and betrayal, a perpetual downpour of deceit. The words play in my mind. "I love her." Has anyone ever said that to me? Ever? 

"What did you say?" My reaction causes his jaw to pulse, causing torment to fill his dark, dangerous eyes. "I love you," you say again. "And I want to love you so fucking hard there is no room for the past. Or the pain. And I will, sweet girl. I won't stand  by and allow you not to like yourself when what I see is... spectacular."

 No. I crane my neck, searching his eyes for the truth lying below the surface. The truth. But there is too much emotion filling me right now. My heart strains to balloon for this broken soul, petrified to stone, unable to pump hard within a crushed body. It wants to. God, it wants to believe you. "You love her?" "I love you." Someone loves you, little one. I shake my head slowly. "No." My throat tightens with those dry contractions. "No. You can't." My head moves violently from side to side. No. You can't. Not you. Not the most impressive man in the world. "You're just saying it. You have seen the absolute worst of me! You have seen all the flaws. You can't. I don't believe it. I'm just your burden. Your pretty little burden. I'm—"

 "I didn't see any flaws, little one. I saw you tearing down the middle. I saw you being mauled by life. I can't rip those fuckers from your mind, but I will rip them from this world. All of them." your blue eyes blazing. "I did. I will be your thorns, sweet girl. Your future is with me. Do you know what that means?" I blink ahead because amidst the horror of the past few weeks, in the middle of all this trauma, you are saying everything I have ever dreamed of. 

They are the worst words to associate with this feeling, with this dissonance, self-hate, and the words that I most needed to hear. To believe them, though. I can’t. Can I? After all I have endured, believing would be like jumping from a tree the moment I was given wings. Not trying them out. Or growing into them. Just diving headfirst and hoping they fit. They hold my weight. The weight of my past. 

The whiplash of this decision wraps around me. I can’t grapple with what to feel or say or organize in my mind because it's too much. When I don’t answer, your deep, commanding voice rumbles, "It means you aren't an ordinary, sweet girl." I relent my internal debate, finding your eyes—piercing, fierce blue vortexes of sentiment. "You're powerful." I nod slowly. "It's in your blood, that power." My mouth opens as your words sail around me, my chest pumping harder to draw in air. "You're not my pretty little burden, baby."  lifting my chin. "You're my pretty little queen."