#i have more thoughts dont know how to cohesively communicate them

[mudstoneabyss]

I cant sleep and I'm thinking about it so I'm go to talk about why I (to my knowledge) came up with the headcanon that Charles is a ghost <3

So the one thing that's repeated about Pine Cliff is that everyone who lives there is a ghost, it's a town where everyone is a ghost. it's been that way since the cataclysm of 2008, but from what glimpses we get of it, it still functions like any other town, which would, I believe, include having had multiple people move into the town in the 14 years since then, yet it still persists as a town where everyone is a ghost. that plus the typical Night Vale idea of living in these weird towns adapts you to be part of the town- that is, also weird- would suggest if you move to Pine Cliff you will become a ghost.

I also think the thought of him being dead or otherwise a ghost adds a lot to his reasoning for moving to Desert Bluffs. It's canon that, despite the towns theocracy and general large religious influence, Charles didn't move there for work, but rather for family. I typically see, in fics and the like, people say the move was because Donovan was going to start school and he wanted him to be around and grow up with other living kids, kids more like him. Which I don't think isn't what's said in canon meaning-wise, but what is specifically said is that he wanted to raise him in a "community based in happiness and positivity". The problem with Pine Cliff wasn't that they were ghosts, but that the towns atmosphere was dismal. Except I do think that those mean the same thing.

I think the town's fine, a wonderful town even, if you were someone living there before 2008. But if you move in afterwards, you're pretty much subjecting yourself to all the melancholic metaphors ghost represent. It's a town of loss and regret and unfulfilled dreams. It's a town of lingering loves and memories. It's a town where time is thin and the past is always the present. It's a town where nothing truly changes, nothing moves on.

The longer you stay there, I think, the more prevalent that is. The more it drains you, the more you lose yourself, the more you become a ghost yourself, even putting the idea it does so to you physically aside. I imagine it almost like depression and dissociation personified in a town. So it gets to a point where- theological intrigue be damned- he has to put Donovan's health and safety first and leave. Go somewhere so happy and positive and vibrant and alive that it's painful. Somewhere like Desert Bluffs.

[system-of-a-feather]

Is there any chance you know of any good within-system communication apps? I have TwiNote and know I've heard others suggested through Tumblr, but can't find them (fix your search, Tumblr!). I just thought you might know/remember some other ones.

Antar and Discord are our go tos when we aren't using our new method of communication and discussion we mentioned previously but have yet to gather the words to describe.

Antar I find to be a bit better if you have a better ability to cofront or use your phone more for communication. It takes a bit of practice and work and comfort dissociating so its definitely not for everyone but it can work decently (Maybe if its wanted I can write about how we tend to do it)

Discord is a 10/10 generalist

Out of Context ending to an Antar session with XIV and I that I dont even remember the context to and prefer it cause its better out of context so I wont scroll up

(TW Emetophobia)

Journal it! is good for not explicit part-to-part communication but it is good for marking down important events, tracking vents on specific topics, making check lists etc that can help with day to day organization and communication to keep parts ona cohesive page.

We have "Journeys" to tag our vents and rambles on to look back later plus a "Moments to Save" to serve as our episodic memory for large event

Thus Antar (immediate conversation with better connected parts that can co front / co cob decently), Journal It! for day to day and overall event - serves as an external long term memory cause ours is shit, and Discord for everything in between are our go to phone apps for communication and life shit

-Riku

[sgtmickeyslaughter]

Writer Interview

Tagged by @jrooc thank ya!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Only three so far! Plus art postings and I'm planning to post more in the new year

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 

138,169 words which feels like a lot

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I don't have 5 total fics yet lol but their rankings are

In Your Love

Lovers' Carvings

Psychopomp

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! (usually) I try to respond when people take the time to say something nice about what I've written, because they're encouraging me to write more and I think its good to encourage people to comment/interact more

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, no, I need a certain happy ending, at least in fanfiction. Yes my childhood was unstable, how did you know?

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

They all have sickly sweet happy endings, refer to answer #6

7. Do you write crossovers?

No, I don't really see the appeal personally.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not hate per say, but just some bitching from people who can understand nuance or disagreed with my take on the relationship

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, so far I have only written it in longer form fics with context, all pretty vanilla. I've wondered for a long time why smut is such a staple of fanfiction and I think that people are frustrated with writers and directors casting aside sex as an (often) valuable part of romantic love and attraction. Like, why are you giving light to affection and communication and support but dismissing the sexual component of love with a closed door, winking and nudging the readers. Thats also a part of why RWRB was such a great movie in my opinion, it treated sex as a normal and healthy and loving part of a couples story, and fanfiction does the same thing. It all ties back into sex being viewed only through the male gaze bc bodice rippers have been doing that for years, but I digress

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope! But I use a lot of really common themes and tropes so theres other fics like mine out there

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, that would be interesting.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I would love collaborating with other writers or creators here! Either writing together, making art to accopnay of fic or beta reading one another, my only real worry about getting involved is not making deadlines, my life is busy and I like to know i can work at my own pace and publish once completed so I don't leave anyone hanging

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Honestly, Gallavich. But longest running? Zutara, I'm hoping to see a renaissance there with the new series

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I think I'll be able to get everything done, sooner or later

15. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good at coming up with cohesive and interesting plots, and I think i'm slowly becoming pretty good at getting into a characters head and writing dialouge for them

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Proofreading! Bro I will print something I've written out to review but still catch like 7 stupid mistakes when I scroll through quickly after posting that shit drives me crazy

I also want to get really really good at controlling the pace of a piece of writing, not that its a weakness per say im just not as good as I'd like to be yet

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Eh, its fine. A lot of the time I wonder who it's for though, like if you dont speak the language and just translate something through an inaccurate translator, it's not really for a fluent speaker and its not really for you

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Shameless

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

I've toyed with writing a supernatural fic before. We'll see, I'm in no rush

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Psychopomp! No one else seemed to like it as much as I did but that's fine by me it was my weird little passion project :)

Share your throughs @sweetperversiongirl @stocious @mmmichyyy @vintagelacerosette

[tismcosmology]

ive been reading a book on human and primate evolution called the first idea (by greenspan and shanker), specifically about the evolution from a non-sentient animal to an animal thats capable of like, going to the moon, and i figured id brain dump some of my thoughts about it here because. theres a lot

im pretty sure this book is about as old as I am which is WILD bc i was baffled by how much shit in here i just did not know about. idk how much of that is because i never researched super deep into some of these topics, and how much is just bc this wasnt scientifically accepted fully when it was published, but still.

The heart of the book really is the authors model of the development/evolution of intelligence, as thats the bit that is constantly pulled up and referenced as you work your way through human development, psychology, (paleo)anthropology, sociology, etc etc. They hypothesize that while humans are born with the genetic and biological capability for things like language and logical thought, its not inherent, and are instead developed slowly over the first years of a childs life through sustained emotional regulation with their caregiver. I could never explain it as well as they do, but the jist is that the first step to developing intelligence is symbol formation (being able to seperate the concept of "mom" from the person "mom"), and the dual coding of experiences (a baby experiences a sound as both loud and frightening, or soft and soothing. both objective and subjective).

Theres 3 parts, the authors walk you through a shiiit load of stuff.

Early human development, focusing on the role of emotions and caregiving in healthy neurological development. They focus a lot on ages 0-2, but do discuss neurological health and stages of development from birth til death. The main point put across here is an argument against determinism in regards to human evolution. ie that the process of a child developing language and logical thinking is not coded in their genes, but rather a dynamic learning process between a child and its caregivers using emotional signaling (conveying emotional states using non-verbal communication), as well as generally outlining their model, the different stages of development, and how it works. Theres also a few chapters on their model applied to autism spectrum disorder development

Primate evolution (mostly). There was a large focus on the bonobo ape Kanzi (who, if you know anything about ape language studies, uses a lexigram board to communicate quite well) as one of the authors had worked with Kanzi at some point and was able to learn from him. Theres a Lot of really cool personal accounts from the author that were incredible to read. Of course also touching on chimp hunting practices and other primate behaviours, and then connecting it all back to the same model of a dynamic learning process between child and caregiver, and showing that all primates have a developed intelligence that can be placed at a level roughly corresponding with various ages of human children. insane. ofc they then go through and argue their case against the many other hypothesis for human evolution. very engaging read

(2.5.) theres also a lot of information in this part about ASD, coming from one of the authors who worked extensively with high support autistic kids, particularly in teaching them how to form and use symbolic ideas, and how to use those as a basis for learning language. They use their model and explain ASD as a breakdown of the ability for a child to engage in this dynamic emotional process that is required for functional development.

Group cohesion and the social structure. to be fair, im only about 3 chapters into this part, but the segments I have read have done an incredible job at both describing the current understanding of why and how social groups form and work (or dont work), and then applying everything previously stated to much more 'current' political groups. This part seems to be leaning away from anthropology and more towards sociology and political science oddly enough, but im very excited to finish it

[isolation-generator-function]

Valorant making me reflect.

I was playing my second ranked game in Valorant as an Astra. The other team also had one as well and she laid down a smoke at the beginning of the round. Me and a second team mate were at either side of the door thinking we could wait it out and surprise them I suppose, but then their Phoenix throws a flash and they both emerge from the smoke and pop both of us. easy peasy. at that moment i couldnt help realize that that strategy could only ever had emerged through team communication and planning and something like that never occurred to me because I'm so used to playing and trying to sense motivation but no one is on comms. Later, while thinking about it I start to feel bad not because of the game but because I start to reflect on life and start to feel that that play is like a microcosm of life: team cohesion, communication, cooperation. it gets you far, and you can achieve much. I mean that whole match we were getting dismantled because they were laying down good plans and catching my team completely off guard. What made me feel bad after the fact was the thought of how tired I am of fighting alone in real life. I'm tired of trying to make it alone, carry the load alone. it's tiresome. it's sad. even this thought that came to me I don't even know who to share it with. who to discuss it with which makes me more sad. I'm lonely, and isolated. Though I have friends, everyone is in different countries and doing their own thing. i dont know.

[thesharondefenseleague]

im gonna preface this with saying i wasnt on tumblr as much post civil war so idk the extent how bad things got though i saw some and im aware that's where alot of the drama is from but im kinda confused about the hate towards the stucky fans?

From what i can tell the ship was and hugely popular and still is to a degree though not to the same extent as before. Im sure with a fandom that massive you'd get alot of assholes in it just cuz sheer numbers. But its also so massive it also seems less cohesive and less likely to feel like a community like. Anytime ive been in part or smaller fandoms its felt more community like.

Because so few people make the content you get to like know alot of them by name maybe even reached out to quite a few commented on their posts encouraging them and because it was a smaller fandom they note you individually commenting more maybe reach out to you that kinda thing.

You probably even like similar subtropes and characterization because its a small fandom there will be less variety to that sorta thing. If you dont it will be less fun you might drop the fandom.

So then when one of you is a dick you feel a bit more reponsibilty to talk to them about it. Because you are more tight knit it will reflect more poorly on the fandom when a few of you are dicks that havent been kicked out if they not stopping their dick behavior.

So i will side eye smaller fandoms for not kicking out the dick.

But bigger fandom this isnt the case. They get all this fancontent regardless and those content creators get a shit ton more comments. They less likely to notice individuals commenting and the audience less likely to keep track of them. Sure maybe you reach out to certain individuals you like maybe even get close but it's more individuals. Within the big fandoms theres more variety too kinda sub fandoms like for say very popular ships there are people who prefer x characterization or relationship dynamic and not y so if they do get involved in a community it for the x sub community in the fandom. And they arent really involved in the y sub community within the same fandom they dont really communicate much at all you dont see or straight up avoid the other content.

And stucky is like large enough fandom or i remember being large enough in the past that that it would be kinda meaningless to give them an indentity as a whole. You might as well be salty at all MCU fans

I mean its much more variety than Stucky fans but the same idea its a large and diverse enough group of people that i cant really imagine an identity for them all so the salt towards Stucky fans seems odd. Unless you hate the ship in general and dont like seeing it. In which case its popularity would be irritating because it was less avoidable i get that.

The first sentence is the reason you’re not sure why: you weren’t here during CACW.

You couldn’t block enough people. They genuinely thought that Sharon and Steve kissing was there to stop Marvel from making Steve and Bucky a canon ship — something that must be emphasized was never hinted at by a single cast or crew member, they always called those two “like brothers”, especially their actors and the directors — and that Steve and Bucky were queerbaiting (no, they weren’t). Pre-Endgame, they were coming after Sharon fans all the time, we saw people run off of tumblr because of it, and they teamed up with Steve and Peggy fans up until Endgame. That changed when Steve went back in time to be with Peggy because before, she was assumed to have always been his past. From what I’ve heard, they stopped worrying about Sharon and turned on Steve and Peggy shippers, but we still got a lot of shit from them around 2019.

It didn’t help when it was implied that Sharon would flirt with Sam and/or Bucky in FatWS, because that could still stop Steve and Bucky from getting together (despite that ship having nary a plank of wood to drift on from Marvel), and then they came out of the woodworks again to shit on Sharon. It really is just misogyny disguised as wanting representation ~60% of the time.

And their vocal hate has lead to shitty writing decisions for her character in the MCU during 2021 (FatWS, What If?) that many people didn’t like, whereas bitter shippers were saying it was “proof she’d always been evil”/they “always knew”.

And it wasn’t just towards Sharon and Peggy, they really didn’t care for Sam either, and sometimes even Nat. Tony neither, but the racism towards Sam, like they kept throwing the “like brothers” argument about Steve and Sam, and in polls they’d leave him out a lot, and it was only done with Sam.

Whether or not things changed now, I don’t know. I do know I still have to block users. A vocal minority of a majority is still very vocal.

TL;DR a lot of fingers in their ears screaming “la la la” at the top of their lungs to make it seem as Marvel didn’t tell them “no” a hundred times about their ship and that it was all Sharon’s fault for existing.

~Mod R

[palmett-hoes]

what's your take on the foxes mbti?

oh buddy ur never gonna believe this but i wrote a foxes MBTI post YEARS ago

im also not into mbti anymore and haven't been for many years so that post is probably still more accurate and in-depth than what i could give you now. i’m just gonna copy the whole thing but i read it over and it still totally vibes w how i understand the characters, like way more than i was expecting it to. i only made one edit (it’s marked) and it was to add a detail not change anything

i hope you’re really really into mbti otherwise this’ll probably be gobbeldegook

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i used to be obessively into mbti so here’s an analysis based on cognitive functions mostly.

SKIP IF YOU WANT. for anyone with no idea how it works, here’s a quick rundown: cognitive functions are about the way people think, process, and prioritize information, not necessarily how they act, though people who think the same way often act the same. the 8 letters that make up a type represent how people process and prioritize internal and external stimuli. every letter actually has an ‘internal’ and 'external’ form so there’s Thinking (internal(ti) and external(te)), Feeling (internal(fi) and external(fe)), Sensing (internal(si) and external(se)), and iNtuition(internal(ni) and external(ne)) t’s always go with a corresponding and opposite f (like ti and fe always go together), same with s’s and n’s (ex: si and ne always go together). a set of  t, f, s, and n in a specific order makes an mbti type.

neil: intp (ti ne si fe)

neil has incredible analytical ability although it’s very programmed for survival but he’s also a fast thinker and very quick to adapt to new environments. he also approaches things from original angles that other people dont consider, all that sounds like high ti/ne. the lower functions fit well too. in times of stress, he returns to old habits and falls back on what’s familiar, that’s classic low si. his emotions are also very exterior. he’s bad with other people from lack of exposure, but he’s committed to harmony between those close to him and has an impeccable ability to read the emotional states of others while being completely oblivious of his own, and his sense of self is tied to exterior things like exy, friends, keys, and legal documents (lol) that’s fe

andrew: intj (ni te fi se)

ni is really hard to describe but it has to do with being able to draw conclusions from scattered input, which fits with andrew’s uncanny ability to spot lies and obsession with finding out the truth, especially with high te, which is about spatial order and logic, think of how prioritized he is with the physical order of things: who sits where, who wears what, etc. a lot of people want to make andrew infj i bet as like a “subversive reading” but he’s definitely not. i used to be really close to an infj and they have hyper-empathy, as in she would describe not just caring about other people and being able to read their emotional states but literally feeling the things the people around her felt. this is a common result of the ni/fe combo, and the reason why andrew is definitely not infj. tertiary fi fits very well instead because andrew is deeply attuned to his own inner emotional state. he’s self-confident and doesn’t care about other people’s perception of him, but he’s also very concerned with his own feelings and understanding them, even if they’re repressed. he’s also very aware of his physical surroundings, which plays into his deductive ability, although it’s not his focus. that’s low se

kevin: estj (te si ne fi)

kevin is a classic estj. he’s controlling, demanding, and driven. he tries to control the actions of those around him and gets very distressed when things dont run smoothly, as well as having strong feelings about improving efficiency. high te people make great managers. kevin’s whole story arc is about breaking old habits, which is a very si problem. it has to do with trusting and craving memory and familiarity, and explains kevins need for endless repetition. he’s innovative, though, coming up with new strategies and drills (ne), it’s just based on what’s already familiar, and you can see him spiral into creating all possible worst-case scenarios when he’s stressed (low ne stress reaction, they like to be prepared). finally, he’s a dick, but he cares about other people and wants to improve their lives, as well as being very reliant on other people’s perceptions of him to define his own self-image (low fe)

dan: esfj (fe si ne ti)

dan’s top priority, over everything else, is her team. she wants her team to improve, she wants her team to win, she wants her team to work together. it’s all about the collective. we also see that she’s very open with others and makes a lot of effort to both make new ties and maintain old ones, that’s high fe. she’s sentimental and attached to the past too (si)  esp the photo wall, but we also see her very unwilling to let go of the past ie the monsters but eventually willing to change and grow to mend team cohesion (ne). we also see the fight in underlying logic (low ti) with her: she knows the team needs the monsters to cooperate but she cant figure out how to do it

matt: enfj (fe ni se ti)

so enfj’s experience infj hyper-empathy too, but to a slightly lesser extent (primary fe is more group cohesion, secondary fe is more understanding others), and through this we see matt’s easy-going open friendliness and ability to befriend even prickly little neil, because he has an extremely good sense of what other people are feeling and need, it also explains why he doesn’t hold a grudge against the cousins in the same way dan does, because he understands where they were coming from. se is associated with a general boisterousness for life, as it’s about experiencing the world around you, which explains matt’s happy-go-lucky disposition and puppydog behavior. the ti aspects mostly go into supporting fe/ni empathic senses

allison: entj (te ni se fi)

i mean, allison’s controlling, both in that she orders other people around and in that her physical being and space are very planned and organized (her clothes, her hair, her makeup, etc) but at the same time there isn’t much sentimentality to her, like how she doesn’t care when her car was destroyed. she easily replaces things because she cares about the object’s purpose, not its history and that all smacks of high te/ni. and i mean, the se definitely contributes to her love of designer things and killer looks, because she cares about the world immediately around her, and why live if not in luxury? and fi? is there any character more aggressively self-confident than allison reynolds?? going against her parents’ wishes for her takes a really strong, independent sense of self, but we also see the problems that can come from not worrying about other people, in how she starts fights and can be abrasive and catty

renee: infp (fi ne si te)

okay this one was really hard tbh. a list of other considerations: isfp, istp, and infj. it’s very easy to read renee as high fe because she’s kind, but i think it’s a mischaracteration of why she’s kind. it’s not because it comes naturally to her, it’s because it’s a conscious choice that makes her feel better about herself. high fi people often read as fe because they’re so comfortable with themselves and in tune with their own needs that they can then go and provide for others. i associate her religion with ne, because contemplation and acceptance of the divine later in life is a very metaphysical undertaking that undoubtedly requires a lot of abstract thought. renee’s storyline also revolves a lot around using things from her past and putting a conscious effort into leaving things from her past behind (how she still uses the skills she learned from her past in new ways ie sparring with andrew and protecting the upperclassmen v/s how she held on to her knives even when she knew it was detrimental to her moving on) this sounds like si. her protective instincts also feed into the te need for order, but it’s a looser leash than say andrew, as it’s lower on her function stack but still present

nicky: esfp (se fi te ni)

godd nicky is like a prototypical esfp. i mean nicholas “sex, drugs, and parties” hemmick cant be anything but se dominant. nicky is all about living it up and living in the moment. like he’s sporadic and ive seen it lead people to think he could be enfp but he doesn’t think enough about the meaning of things to be ne dominant (like how he makes somewhat predatory jokes and such, he’s all about the here-and-now while ne is about the past and future simultaneously). also he of all characters has incredibly prominent fi, as his whole character is about living unashamedly as himself as a gay man and the immense self-awareness and inner strength it takes not only to come out to unaccepting parents but also to leave and start a new life when they rejected him. however, fi is also indicative of his communication problems with his family, as he’s unable to tell that the cousins are fundamentally different from him in their needs and boundaries, leading him to pushing them, making them uncomfortable, and being unable to help them, because he’s unable to understand them. the rest are much more hidden, but a party boy shopaholic like nicky would probably need some amount of te order in like an organized chaos fashion (and he’s often headcanoned as liking to throw parties) and you do see him become somewhat pushy, even controlling in those scenarios. ni is the hardest but could maybe be seen in how he’s attuned to the cousins reactions for all that he cant predict them/doesn’t do anything on his own part to prevent them (the way he handles andrew is like if someone poked a rattlesnake knowing damn well what it would do and then freaked out when he got bit)

aaron: istj (si te fi ne)

im a little iffy on this one and worry it might be an analysis based on his trauma instead of complimentary to it, but aaron’s arc is about breaking out of his habit of holding on to the past. he refuses to work towards moving on from his mother’s death, refuses to listen to things that contradict his preconceived notions, and refuses to make changes in his life that could improve it. that’s unhealthy si. he’s really a very unhealthy istj, and most of his traits manifest through his unhappiness with his life. take his te. that would imply that he needs control over his surroundings, but aaron is incredibly bitter and unhappy BECAUSE he doesn’t have control of his surroundings. he doesn’t get to make his own choices, he doesn’t get to control his space, and he hates it. his relationship with katelyn is also indicative of being an istj. it’s stable, not a passionate fling, but aaron is mocked for wanting that white picket fence, married with kids in the suburbs kind of life, and his relationship, which is his primary source of happiness, is built on stability, which is a very si thing to do. in terms of fi, it is aaron that ultimately forces change between himself and andrew. he may have been pushed but he ultimately came down to him knowing what made him happy and what made him miserable and acting on that. also, he’s an ornery asshole who clearly doesn’t care what other people think of him. fi. i dont really have anything to say in terms of ne, probably because he’s so unhealthy but also because he’s not too explored. heyy istj’s make great doctors

wymack: isfj (si fe ti ne)

okay this one was genuinely the hardest to decide on but ultimately i came to the conclusion that wymack, much like renee, is such a developed person that he loses many defining traits of the functions, and can be read in many different ways. so: wymack’s primary goal is the safety and betterment of other people (ie his team). he wants to help people overcome their pasts, which is a very atypical approach to si, but is si nonetheless. on a personal level, too, he’s never able to move on from people, and specifically never moved on from kayleigh,  continuing their shared dream of an exy team for abused kids long after her death. as ive said before, fe in a secondary position is about deep understanding of other people, and wymack’s ability to understand what other people are struggling through is legendary. the ti mostly serves as support to the fe, serving as the analytical backup in allowing him to understand others. as for ne: he is most definitely an innovator with unusual ideas, or the foxes wouldn’t exist

riko: estp (se ti fe ni)

riko is basically what happens when an estp goes bad down to the core. he’s obsessed with personal glory and immediate self-fulfillment (se) he has no impulse control or fear of consequences. interestingly, high se is often associated with athleticism, because high se people are intensly focused on their surroundings (exy). his ti is also super unhealthy as he gets obsessed with ideas that dont really work with objective reality, like his obsession with ownership and power dynamics despite them not actually being efficient, even backwards. the tertiary fe he uses to manipulate. he doesn’t empathize with others, but he can tell their emotional state and what’s important to them, and uses it to coerce them and destroy their sense of self, like how he knew he could get neil to the nest by threatening andrew. EDIT: /additionally, fe people especially in the lower half of the function stack tend to derive their sense of self from the perceptions of others around them, which riko very much shows in how he needs to be acknowledged as the best and won’t allow any competition for his title, as well as his desperation for acknowledgement from his family/. finally, that ni allowed him to keep multiple plans in place focused on one ultimate goal: getting kevin back. the sheer amount of schemes he sets up in order to fool and push people the way he wants is honestly kinda impressive, but he’s a toxic shithead and im glad he’s rotting. definitely not representative of all estp’s

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this is honestly SO funny to read back a few years later bc HOOOOO boy was i way too into this stuff. and this was written a couple years after my Peak MBTI Obsession, which was honestly scary

[unholyhymns]

Hi! I've been getting into theistic satanism/ demonolatry and as a black lgbt agnostic person I'm having a hard time settling into the idea. I'm seeing a lot of mainly white Americans/Europeans practicing these theistic left hand religions and claiming to work with gods and deities from Africa (Egypt) and being insensitive/dismissive towards cultural appropriation (tattoos depicting symbols of closed practices etc.) There are racists and bad people in every religion and belief system known to man so I'm not TOO surprised but do you have any reading recommendations for me or thoughts/experiences on theistic satanism as a whole that you'd wanna share (good or bad!) from a black POV? What makes it feel like home? I'm desperate to hear another voice like mine lmao..

hi! i’ll start off with personal experiences, tho i do have some book recs i can give you. i’ve been in online pagan/’lhp’ spaces for a while now (around like 14 years dskjsdf, tho not all of that was spent on tumblr) and unfortunately, the racism and cultural appropriation is rife no matter which pagan deities are being worshiped. and bc of that, poc get pushed out or our voices get drowned out. that said, i have had… a lot of beef with the kemetic community over the years because at least the norse pagans bother to try and take out their trash. i think the community has gotten better but i honestly have backed out of online spaces for the most part because it has felt very hostile, so who knows. idk if there’s a cohesive lhp community on tumblr bc i avoid the tags like the plague now. but i have yet to find a lhp focused discord server that didnt very quickly dissolve into racism lmao. for the most part, the spaces have been very lgbt friendly tho.

that said, i have had some good experiences online. even some great ones. ive made some amazing friends. there are nonblack/white doing their best to get rid of racism in the communities and i see them and appreciate it. ive had the best luck joining broad pagan servers and lurking the satanism channels there, but honestly. ive kind of just stepped away from online communities. ive found its not really my thing. im not the greatest at online communication and people get on my nerves too much skdfjhsdjf also im a godspouse so if all of the above doesnt cause issues, that fact alone causes contention. so. i just kinda vibe on tumblr with my silly little sideblogs. i have seen some other black satanists in passing on here so we’re def out here, tho i dont know if theres a space for us somewhere. maybe someone’s made a discord? (like i said, i dont go in the tags anymore lol)

as for my experience with theistic satanism, i love it. i am so happy in my faith. personally, my practice has thrived the most when i keep it solitary (tho i know not everyone enjoys that). he’s always encouraged me to forge my own way and my number one method of doing things is to fuck around and find out so the lack of an online community hasn’t really impacted me spiritually. im not sure how encouraging this is skdjfhsdh it feels like home for me because i love my god very very much. ive made a space for him within my own home.

that said, i know it can feel isolating and disheartening; and it definitely has (and still does sometimes), especially when i was at the beginning of my journey. the best thing i can recommend is to find any spiritual space that is welcoming to satanists and staunchly anti-racist/lgbt friendly and sticks to that, and then make friends. even if they arent of your faith, sometimes just having someone spiritual to talk to is really nice.

but also! my DMs/asks are always open if you have questions or just wanna talk.

as for books, here are my usual recommendations for starting out. if you want more, i can definitely go through my collection. i have…….. a lot of books lol:

-The Devil: A New Biography by Phillip Almond

-Satanic Feminism by Per Faxneld

-Satan: A Biography by Henry Ansgar Kelly

-The Devil’s Dozen by Gemma Gary (this is more just… rituals instead of info but ik sometimes ppl want those)

-Poetics of Iblis by Whitney Bodman

-Satan’s Tragedy and Redemption by Peter Awn

i hope this helped! like i said, feel free to send more asks/DMs abt anything or with more questions :)

[syubub]

SOULMATE READING- TAEHYUNG

First of all, sorry about the pic. Second is the disclaimer. This is a tarot reading meant for entertainment only. Thirdly, I decided to do each member as an individual post bc I think it's less hassle that way 💕

Okay

Okay. So. Wow.

I don't know where to start with Tae. His soulmate and him have the most ideal relationship. The cards for the relationship aspect is 100% soulmate vibes. I mean come on, the 2 of cups (soulmate card), 4 of wands (marriage) and the lovers all right next to eachother? Hot damn. They definitely travel together a lot and his Soul Bae might be a good entrepreneur? Idk but they are both financially set.

I think we should start with physical attributes first. I have a strong feeling that they will be naturally blonde or have blonde hair at the time they meet. The color yellow is also important (Taes energy is very yellowish gold to me. Coincidence?). I also get the sense that this is an old soul. May be older than Tae but definitely an old soul. A youthful face. Sort of fun yet intimidating look to them. They might have sharp features (specifically eyes which could be a grayish brown? Possibly even have heterochromia? Might have light freckles. Puts effort into the way they look but also just wakes up looking flawless. Might be from abroad. His soulmate might be very interested in France, have a very French aesthetic or lived in France. His soulmate is very much like him. Relatively tall? Modelish but unconventional, like kinda built, lanky, boxy. Strong legs. Wavy hair? Idk. A balance of masculine and feminine traits. The type to enjoy being fancy but also super down to play video games and can definitely out drink Tae. Definitely. Looks good in sweats lol.

onto how/where they'll meet. It might be when he is alone at a museum in France standing in front of a statue of Venus (It popped into my head and i couldn't not write it down) or perhaps when one party is traveling and they meet on a hike or in nature or something like that. Possibly even at a work function. As for when they meet. It is up to both parties to decide to come into union spiritually. If that makes sense? They both will be drawn to eachother when the time is right for them.

Onto this person's personality. Earthy influences. Romantic!!! Romantic. So romantic. Their love language is words of affirmation. This person is very chivalrous? Idk like this person is very gentlemanly? Like, they want to take care of tae and will open doors for him and stuff. Makes him chocolate covered strawberries. Also very intune to ~otherworldly~ things. Lowkey a psychic. Idk why but this person it like guided by Taes guides sometimes? Like, they'll just pop in. And like, when it's time for them to meet, Tae grandma will give him every fucking sign to be like, "THIS ONE!! THIS IS YOUR SOULMATE, KID!" (Also, topic for a different day but i have a mad feeling that Tae communicates with the dead, specifically his grandma, and that's why he trust/ relies on his "angels" so much.) I don't want to be insensitive or step on toes or anything but like Taes grandma probably communicates with Taes soulmate too? And like, I keep getting an image of Tae and his soulmate sharing dreams? Idk it's a lot. And I think I've said it before but Taes soulmate is... massive... like, energy wise. Theres almost like an archaic, out of this world feeling to this person and they have to be spiritual or imma shout. Like, this person. Is. Crazy. Idk what's up but it's almost like there's a wall? Like, I'm not privy to it because my small little fragile conciousness would shatter in its presence? Maybe a bit dramatic but there is a lot behind this person and their union with Tae. This person has been through a lot and might be closing an old chapter in their life when Tae comes in. This person might feel lost? Like, they have such massive energy but human life is stupid and confusing and they dont know how to channel energy into productivity? Might also fear abandonment and commitment so they have a hard time really connecting with people because they get attached easily and are afraid to lose them. An empath? Very creative and able to manifest pretty much anything. For archetype cards, I got: artist, shape-shifter, knight, messiah. Very very creative and can probably draw in experience from different levels of conciousness? Like this person is an artsy, spiritual Joan of Arc.

So. Cards about their situation are Soul Family and Inner Temple. Essentially they both need to awaken and call eachother in. They need to fully be themselves and just exist!

Cards to Tae from his Soul Bae: progress, not perfection, answered prayers, unconventionality, big bold vision, beyond the mind the heart beats, sacred fool.

Okay. His Soulmate is a funny one, I'll get to that soon, but also very genuine. Like this person wants to see him grow and Express full potential. Bae wants him to stop caring what others think and be weird! Theres stuff he doesn't talk about with other people (perhaps the fact that hes way more spiritually intune than most. Not by choice either though. He was born with this shit. He probably saw faeries as a kid and shit) Bae wants him to settle back and listen to his inner self and nurture what's already there. This is a line from the description of sacred fool, "Don't try to be appropriate, don't try to be socially acceptable and worry about what others may think about what you are doing-just be. If you want to wear a mad hat whilst doing so, fine." Bae wants him to have fun and do whatever the fuck he wants to do because Tae being happy is what's important. Like, if Tae went and bought a literal circus and was like, "this is my dream, its who I am" Bae would be like, "...are you sure?" And if he was sure, then his soulmate would double check everything, make sure hes safe and dive in head first with him. It's very supportive but also his soulmate is practical. Like, his soulmate wouldn't willingly let him do anything that would directly harm him or ruin his life, you know? This is his guardian angel. His love. His tried and true. One and only. It's ridiculous and they will have kids and a farm. Fight me on that.

I wanted to channel a message from his soulmate to him and I got a laugh, something about "our four leaf clover" "He needs a haircut" and, "Tell him he's dense but I'll love him forever in this life and the next. Forever."

Then I thought, well, Jimin is definitely Taes platonic soulmate so like Taes Bae and Chim have to get along and I got the cutest image of Tae, Taes Bae, Jimin and Jimins soulmate all sitting together in a garden drinking tea and laughing and all of their guides are watching them with smiles and the rest of Bangtan and their soulmates come into the garden with their soulmates and it's a cute Soul-party and now I'm super soft.

Theres so much to say about this soulmate union and really even just his soulmate because it's such a powerful energy and I think someday I want to do a part 2 for this because I have lots of questions. I feel like these two can have any sort of life together. Like they both hold the pen and are constantly writing and revising their life scripts. Also, I get the feeling that his soulmate is...hmm.. they give me the feeling that they might not exist? Like they do but at the same time they don't? Or maybe they're just like, deep. Like an onion. I'll put a pin in this for another time but it gives me a deep indigo type of feeling, you know? It's a whole thing. I'll do a part 2 for this.

Last comment. Taes Soul bae has great eyebrows? Idk why but that's a thing apparently.

TLDR

Tae has a fantastic soulmate who is impressively cool, they have the cutest life together and they are definitely going to live the cutest domestic life ever? Also, Tae probably wants to have 6 kids so each kid can have a designated Bangtan Godfather lol. Think artsy-museum-farmer-millionaires who have a house made of Gucci and matching rocking chairs.

Cute cute cute. Like I said, I'll expand on this later! Also, I apologize if it isn't very cohesive or doesn't make a lot of sense. I've been busy and my life is a little messy but I wanted to get this out!

Stay safe💜

[ultranos]

anna frozen!!

Another anon asked: anna arendelle for the character ask

Seriously. Old Home Week.

Why I like them

How can you not? Spitfire wrapped in grief and sadness who chose to be kind rather than bitter. Her determination is a magic all on its own.

Why I don’t

The “conflict” between her and Kristoff in Frozen 2 was...children. Communication is important. You know this already. So I guess in the interests of cohesive characterization: sometimes a tendency to not apply lessons already learned.

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

Tie between the fight with the wolves or the sword scene in the first movie. The wolves fight was the thing that made me sit up in the theater and think “oh, I like you”.

Favorite season/movie

First movie.

Favorite line

Why do you do this to me? “I just thought she had a thing about dirt.” I get so much mileage out of that line.

Favorite outfit

Her traveling outfit in Frozen 2 just hits me in the tabletop RPG feels. It’s like a true adventuring party!

OTP

Sometimes canon is correct. So yeah, Anna/Kristoff.

Brotp

Snow Sisters, natch.

Head Canon

All my head canons end up somehow being canon or close enough. Even my crack AUs. (post-Frozen 2, I immediately looked at my ghost outline and went “how?”) So I guess I called Anna as the one who pulls Elsa out of a deathlike state.

Fine, Anna has always been the sibling with more social chops.

Unpopular opinion

Both sisters are excellent; neither one is better than the other.

A wish

That the series does go into diminishing quality sequel hell.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

I’m actually pretty good here. Just don’t let this series go on forever into terrible direct-to-DVD or whatever it is now.

...okay, I never want to see a live-action remake.

5 words to best describe them

“Anna no.” “Anna yes.”

My nickname for them

I don’t think I have one. So I’ll continue to be terrible and say “Arc”.

[thoughtfulpaperback]

Charmed 2x12 Review SPOILERS!!!!!!

Okay let's do this. Sorry I skipped one but times are hectic. For entertainment I give it an 8/10. Same format. Dislikes, likes and highlights

Dislikes

1. Macy Kneeling to Abby.

Let's just get this one out the way. I can see where they might have been going with this.

They maybe are trying to move away from the ambiguous route with abby (trying to make her sympathetic with her whole patriarchy thing and her dead mom) I mean she is progressively becoming more predatory with Harry so with that in mind, this was possibly one of the "abby is really a bad person not a feminist as she is only out for her own gain and not the empowerment of all women". And I can get that maybe they were also trying to show "look Macy is willing to do the most degrading thing possible just for the chance at rebuilding that power of three/charmed bond with her sisters for the protection of the magical community".

But listen.....

We all know Abigael isnt a star feminist. We already know (although we dont exactly know) that she has some sort of plan up her sleeve to be weary of.

There has been too much attempted ambiguity and the main characters letting her get away with terrible things that the message isnt coming across.

Plus Maybe yes showing Macy being willing to do something that really probably hurt all of us (epecially those of us who are minorities) to watch, may have been to drive home the differences between her and Macy and play up Macy's love for her sisters

But like we know Macy and Abby arent similar (as much as you writers tried to play that up at first). And you know just adding more sister bonding moment and just the fact that Macy was willing to go to abby after all the previous stuff was enough to show she was desperate? Maybe just add more sister bonding moments so we can see how dedicated they are to each other?

Maybe? Just saying.

If the writers are finally going to commit to Abby being a full on villian then I guess the seen was worth cementing that she is horrible (sort of).

Here's my question though as I consider whether the scene was worth it. Who is this show for and what is it trying to show? I mean if it is for minorities and women then i can see how showing these historical and current issues (conflict of power and consideration among women where race is concerned) then I guess showing it and having that controversy makes sense. But like we live it.

As minorities we already know. I know I struggle between wanting my experience shown and also wanting to watch something where for once the minority characters arent subjected to that experience. Charmed did better at addressing controversy and women's issues in season 1. I dont care if it was "obvious" or "heavy handed" because when it is not you basically get the kneeling scene where you dont know what the point was, if it was necessary, and are left feeling hurt or bitter about it.

2. Hacy Kiss.

Listen Brenda/on, this is on my like and dislike list. I will mention what I dislike about it.

The first thing is that it was a fantasy. I mean yes I like that we get full on confirmation that Macy has romantic feelings for Harry and not just considering that she might have them, but I honestly hate the fact that they would tease us like that. Especially when Macy is at a low moment. Which I will get into.

They are kinda ruining Macy for me. Listen, at this point they havent given us enough insight into Macys feelings or thoughts to understand why she isnt pursuing Harry. We can speculate and infer based on previous seasons and some of what the writers or showrunners say on twitter, but this season itself hasnt done much in showing Macy's thought process and so it falls flat. It isnt her reluctance to let people in or not wanting to get involved with someone after Galvin since she does pursue Julian and gets serious relatively quickly. She, at least now we it is confirmed, has those feelings for Harry, but is still choosing to be with someone else inspite of those feelings. I hate that. Harry is obviously tempted by abby and is being naive with her, but he isnt pursuing her and has blocked her advances (except the kiss) so far which may change who knows, but the point is if Macy was just casually dating and enjoying Julian's company I would be like okay, still hate that she would lead someone on when she has feeling for someone else, but if its casual there is less of a chance of the other person being hurt.

I cant get behind Julian x Macy, not because of Julian (who so far is perfect and probably going to be a villian or some how connected to the villians because it is a common trope) but because of Macy. Julian x Macy isnt Healthy because Macy knows she has feelings for someone else. She is using him. That isnt to say she doesnt genuinely like or care about him, but at the end of the day she is using him. Which is crappy because Julian so far seems like a great guy and doesnt deserve being the "distraction". I mentioned this all the time but my least favorite love triangles are the ones where one person is using the other.

Healthy would be Macy and Julian being friends while she works through her feelings and then decides who she wants to be with. Not being with someone while having feelings for someone else.

Macy was shown in season 1 to be rational and could be rational to the point of compartmentalizing and coming off as cold. So maybe that is where they are drawing from, but again little effort has been made on the part of the writers to show what's going on in her brain other than that fantasy kiss. And again I am still like....okay so what does that mean in the long run you butts!!!

3. Helen's suicude

I am so iffy about how shows portray people completing suicide. Like on one hand I get that them showing her exercising free will, but suicide portrayed as a positive rather than a tragedy is just....ugh for me. I still am not sure how I feel overall about it.

Lore wise I hate that they use it to explain why Harry and jimmy couldnt kill each other, because in an interview rupert claimed Harry was immortal now because of the elder thing and the show said it in that first episode. So like are both true? So if harry tries to stab himself like Helen will he just end up back in the coffin and alive since she is immortal?

I mean we are 12 episodes in and have about 10 to go so we really should be working towards a cohesive lore and storyline not adding confusing or not well explained layers. The world building they did in the first half was a lot better which makes me wonder what they heck is going on in the writing room.

Likes

1. Parkerita

Let me explain. While I fancy Jordan x Maggie together. I'd prefer that be a slow burn and steady friendship first. Parker seems to be Maggie's first love. It makes sense that she is still grieving and holding on. While I kind of wanted to be done with Parkerita in fairness to all the season 1 romances that where tossed out, I like the nod to Phole. I felt the OG Phole relationship was not healthy, but I liked the tradgedy of it. I think if new Charmed wants to wrestle with that and do it better (although my faith in the writers is low right now) then I wouldnt be against it. I love a good tradgedy and I sat through Phole so I'll sit through this one.

2.Hacy kiss

I love that the writers finally did something to show us what is going on in Macys brain. I need more (not necessarily Harry fantasies but I wont complain if we get more of those). I do hope a real Hacy kiss is a bit different because one one hand the fact Macy wanted to kiss harry when she was feeling down says something to me about how she feels about him and that she still trusts him (but it could, If I wanted to be cynical, just be more evidence that Macy skews towards using people when she is repressing or feeling down although she didnt actually kiss him, if she had I think I would have not liked it in that particular moment given it would have felt more like using him that expressing feelings)

Highlights

1. Abby really thinks no means maybe 😒 . . .

2. Mel is a lesbian magnet and I'd be fine with her just casually dating while all this other crap is going on as long as she is happy

2. Helen

3. These horror movie vibes though!!

[smarmykemetic]

hey there i was wondering if i could ask you about some things about paganism, i have a few friends who are pagan but theyre self-admittedly quite novice, so i dont really have many people to turn to for advice, i hope it isnt awkward as a tumblr mutual to reach out for advice like this, but, in highschool i was quite into wicca but it never quite stuck, and i wanted to practice and pray again, however (1)

there is quite a large array of beliefs and pantheons, and it doesnt really feel "right" (not right as in correct) to kind of mix and match pantheons and rituals, i think cohesion in terms of spirituality helps me personally, but i dont wanna just, say point at hellenism (just an example) and go ok ill revolve around this, without any sort of... i guess invitation? relationship? with the gods of that sect/pantheon (2)

i dont know know if im over thinking it or overthinking how it works, my main question is is how do i allow myself to be contacted by a god or presence, i imagine its quite a personal connection, so it makes sense personally to be contacted than to be the one to choose your connection with an actual higher power, sorry if this isnt a question you know how to answer, just hoped to ask if you have any guidance or places to start, even in terms of reading! 💜 (3) 

hey, not at all! i’m happy to help, if i can :>

the “mix n match” approach is generally referred to as being ‘eclectic’, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing -so long as you use common sense, research a lot, and approach other cultures’ traditions (particularly the ones that are still alive and being carried on by living humans) with respect. on my end, i’m:

a revivalist kemetic polytheist (a person who believes in and worships the egyptian pantheon as well as adapting the larger religious beliefs and philosophies of ancient Kemet/Egypt into a modern equivalent) devoted to Set and Heru-sa-aset

a chaote/chaos magician (a person who uses the power of belief to perform magic rather than only using one specific ‘paradigm’ or belief system wrt how magic works; this is why most of my spells involve sigilcraft in some form)

whatever you call someone who makes a lot of spell jars and turning objects into charms besides just “witch”

an astral traveller

a novice mystic/energy worker

a necromancer (i have an altar to my chosen, rather than biological, ancestors whom i refer to as the Outlaw Dead. i give them offerings of food, drink, music, company, and magic; they help me with a lot of magical undertakings as well)

since i see Fenrir Wolf as my spiritual father figure and was given the kenning Fenrirspup, am starting to do more regular work with Loki, and functionally follow the Norse traditions that my boyfriend does -including offering to his two main gods, Tyr and Freya, and the alves/dwarves on occasion- im arguably a friendly foreigner/visitor/in-law to the Norse pantheon

godspouse (married to my two Kemetic patrons)

was a Christopagan for about two years, and although i stopped considering myself a christian, i still technically worship Jesus in passing (mostly around my family and friends who are christian, when the occasion calls for it; and i consider still seeing the Bible as a holy book with valuable spiritual wisdom a form of worship of that book’s God)

believe in astrology/use Western and Chinese astrology for spells sometimes

Use tarot cards and pendulums

and i’m just starting to look into working with crystals, ritual work, and possibly using chakras or something similar (every source i look at says something different vis a vis “is using chakra cultural appropriation” so i’m not trying to rush into it). pretty much every single one of those things are from different magical/religious traditions, some as old as Ancient Egypt, some as young as chaos magic. you don’t have to pick only one thing and do just that, no matter what anybody says.

you also don’t have to wait to be “called”. if a pantheon, magical tradition, or philosophy appeals to you, just start researching! the “throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks” method is completely valid and one of my personal favorites :> being in contact with gods or spirits or demons or what have you is usually pretty personal and intense, but i generally assume that’s because the easiest, most direct way for us to communicate is telepathically, and you’re bound to feel closer to a being you’re talking to through thoughts and feelings. in practice, it often works much more like any other relationship where one party approaches the other and asks if they want to work together, or be friends, or be a teacher and student.

what kinds of magic/paganism appeals to you on an emotional level? if you can narrow it down to a few fields of study, we can help you figure out where to start!

[grimmjowjaegerjaquez]

so. ach’m. he is an amphibious alien character thats been with me for a long time and i havent had the feeling for him in YEARS. but i have to talk about him because hes still got a special place in my heart despite my uh... abandonment of him. 

this is really long so it’s under a cut

first things first: his name, Ach’M Raten, is pronounced, Ahk-mm Rah-ten. it has a meaning to it because apparently those are names derived from words in his people’s language, which you’ll find out about more later. 

he was someone i made when i was RIGHT in the middle of my Alien phase, and was also just starting my OCT xDDD phase on deviantArt. (i was. not good at octs bc i had no concept of cohesive storytelling in a limited timeline comic format and also had really bad add that made it impossible to ever finish anything.) the OCT he was apart of was Tapestry of Horror, which, honestly i think my audition comic for that was the only good one i made for that entire tourney. this was his reference for it: 

ahh, look at that. the nostalgia is all coming back to me. the amount of “:U” which was a go-to face for 13 year old me. this was posted back in 2010! wow!

the reason the 63 on his age is crossed out is because THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY THE ORIGINAL REFERENCE I HAD FOR HIM! i had to redraw him because his original reference (which unfortunately has been lost to the annals of time) was too human looking? and tapestry of horror was an anthro/alien/no-human-faces tourney, so they told me i should probably change his face up some and then he’d be fine, and ORIGINALLY, ACH’M WAS AN OLD MAN. I DON’T KNOW WHY I ALSO CUT HIS AGE IN HALF BUT IT’s PROBABLY BECAUSE I WAS THE INDECISIVE BASTARD THEN THAT I STILL AM TODAY.

supposedly he used to slink around in shadows and laugh and speak in rhymes, and im pretty sure that was a side effect of edgy 13 year old interests? like, i think i tried giving him kind of a creepy serial killer vibe? and then just never executed it? he had an epithet of, The Laughing Cyborg, which is still relevant in later versions of him. 

oh and here, have some TOP SECRET ACH’M LORE COURTESY OF THE IMAGE DESCRIPTION OF HIS REFERENCE:

i don’t believe i was lying. i think i did originally make an amphibious alien woman character that just later evolved into ach’m. i’m sure if i had any of my sketchbooks from that age physically with me i would ABSOLUTELY be able to find it and show you guys but i dont so, rip. 

because i was trying to be coy and ~*~mysterious~*~ i never originally explained his backstory on his reference. it was planned to be something revealed overtime through ~*~dramatic~*~ flashbacks and dream sequences that i did not have the ability to execute. its always followed the same beats, though: ach’m and his younger brother were child refugees from a civil war on his home planet. in their initial escape, ach’m is caught under a crumbling wall and loses his leg, and they’re later found and adopted by a retired opera singer of another species. through vague never-established family issues, ach’m leaves his adoptive mother and joins a travelling circus. 

this is his adoptive mother: 

her name is (and i’m sorry) Nippeteranulzenkodelonio. You can just call her Nippy, though. Please just call her Nippy. 

god, her species used to be called draconae? what the heck. in future designs, those religious symbols are obsolete and replaced with other symbols relating to a galaxy-wide secret society that has NOTHING to do with ach’m and i never figured out how nippy was involved in it, so we’re not delving into that. 

they both come from a planet called Naruviie, which in his language just means, “Land of the People,” “naru” being the part that means people. i never like, fully fleshed out their planet aside from very vague allusions to it being mostly swampland populated by cute little amphibious animals like this fun guy: 

pictured: a gold Yarlian, which is basically the Naruviian equivalent of a dog. 

SO BACK TO ACH’M AND THE TAPESTRY OF HORROR: i only won the first round because my opponent had to drop out, and i lost the second round. it didn’t really matter though, because ach’m remained an incredibly popular character to followers of the tourney, and No, It Was Not Because Of Me. it was because one of the other competitors who i was friends with included him in her rounds, mostly for jokes, and i thought it was the best thing ever. the problem with that though, was that even though in every entry for the tourney she would say IN THE DESCRIPTION that he was NOT her character, everyone thought he was. because she was just a more well-known artist in that community, and i was just. some 13 year old. 

but anyway, she was a more competent storyteller than i was so she actually like... gave him more character than i was capable of at the time, and she would ask me if i characterized him wrong and i would always be like, “NO ITS GREAT HES PRETTY MUCH WHAT I WANTED HIM TO BE BUT JUST COULD NOT WRITE FOR WHATEVER REASON!” not that i ever expressed it like that because... from what i remember about my 13 year old self... i was very Virgo in all of my statements. yikes. 

im not close with that artist anymore, and our interests have diverged a lot since then, but i always think back to that time with fondness. for my tween mind, having an artist that i looked up to see my character and actually like them enough to do that absolutely had a profound effect on me at the time. 

ALRIGHT NOW FOR THE NEXT VERSION OF ACH’M, 2015: 

see i told you his name had a meaning. and look, i even gave his language a name! wow! such developments!

his backstory didn’t really change, except this time instead of a wall falling on him and crushing his leg, he was just born with a bad leg that had to get amputated. apparently. i also changed up his personality more. instead of him being this one dimensional jokey boy that talked in a bad accent, he became more of this like... roguish bardish type of character? he’s more flirty, more prone to being pride and false bravado, tells ridiculous stories of his life to appear more dashing, and, get this: i literally put in his updated backstory that he used to work more Colorful Jobs (ie: he was a prostitute at some point) 

his brother also has more of a presence and an actual character? i think i planned on him being dead in his 2010 iteration. Orith in this version is a grouchy mechanic/space engineer with a prosthetic eye. oh yeah that’s right him and ach’m were like. attacked by giant birds at some point in their childhoods? i think i had it that the giant birds were a natural predator of his fucking species????????? and thats why ach’m is missing an arm and an ear

moving on. 

LOOK WOW I GAVE ACH’M MULTIPLE OUTFITS!! WOW!!!

big himbo energies. i knew what was up. 

and that leads us to the latest ach’m that i’ve drawn which is these sketchy things from 2016

his cybernetic arm looks completely different now, he doesn’t have the robot ear anymore and his brother (wow an actual picture of his brother!) doesn’t even have a robot eye, and nippy now looks actually old and is like. completely blind now. i didn’t even realize my art style changed THAT much in the span of like, one and a half years until like.. JUST now. wow. 

he definitely looks like more of a scumbag now, and i don’t think i ever made anymore drastic changes to his backstory. i’m probably going to take another crack at it though because uhhhhh i dont like a lot of the implications i made in his backstory lmfao.

anyway yeah that’s the story of ach’m! 

[skegulium]

💎💎💎💎💎

@thottrolls - Crystal is absolutely one of my favorite RPers out here in the community!! They’ve got incredibly rich, well thought out characters and deeply nuanced plotlines that are very fun to watch! Even their ‘bad’ characters are fleshed out as people with motivations and have deeply sympathetic backgrounds, without completely erasing the terrible, awful, no good bullshit that they do. Their main character, Eli, is such a delight to watch and I adore watching their development from being a deeply flawed, angry and anguished character into someone who’s just trying to survive with a shitty psi that erases their own memories they dont want to forget. 

as a mun, Crystal is an absolute blast to chat with! They’re hilarious, relatable, and i can toss ideas at them and have them batted back with the same intensity i smack at them. We have the same sort of unfortunate humor and jive hard when it comes to doing something for shits and giggles. Hands down one of my favorite people to RP with (WE NEED MORE PARA TOGETHER) and i will absolutely follow them to other rp places too >:y

@rebatrolls - Reba is also a huge delight to roleplay with! Her cast may be small, but this small cast means that each person she creates is full of life and deeply thought out. Every action of theirs is a cause and effect from the events that have happened in their life, but it’s not boring in the slightest to watch as they fumble through life. Even the character’s depressive moments are intriguing to watch as they fumble around and I’m always eager to hear the newest shenanigans that they get up to! I’m always delighted whenever we get to do something together!

As a mun, Reba is an absolute fucking riot act. She’s got one of the sharpest wits that I know and can blow everyone out of the water with some of the best burns i’ve ever heard. They’re fantastically hardcore about pushing through games as a group and is incredibly clever when it comes to absolutely demolishing objectives. Honestly one of the funniest people to play with!

@activatingaggro - Mar is probably hands down my #writing goals. Not only are they incredibly skilled on a technical level but from a storytelling one as well! They’re talented at maintaining a small cast with wildly different storylines and personalities but somehow meshing all of them together in a cohesive and very intriguing storyline with consequences that can ripple throughout the CR chain. On top of that, they’re also one of the most creative people i know who can pull the most bizarre yet plausible situations out of their hat. They always know how to keep things fresh and outrageous without upsetting the delicate balance of CR and instead strengthening it and enriching it! It’s just some plain ol’ talent, you know?

As a mun, Mar brings their creativity and outrageousness to every day life as well! Their silliness play so well off of their confidence and it means that every conversation with them can quickly go from serious to absurd and leaves everyone in stitches. They’re an incredibly curious person who loves to chatter and have discussions and this leads to an amazing back and forth that i love to participate in!

@havesomefantrolls - Cass is another mun i adore working with! They have a massive yet completely unique caste of trolls who all fill very niche, very interesting roles! This means that no matter the situation, they always seem to have a troll who fits the situation and can quickly go from angsty seriousness to absolute absurdity. Their style lends really well to the over-exaggerated and trope-y and EVERYBODY loves tropes! I want to see more of their trolls in action though - i know i’m very familiar with their OC work, especially in the blackout club, and i’m DETERMINED to nab more of those wonderful trolls in more plots with me >:yc

As a mun, cass is incredibly detail oriented and creative! Their artwork is a gift to behold and as a person, they’re nothing but a ray of sunshine. They’re always excitable and easy to talk to and more than willing to roll with ideas thrown their way. They’ve got a talent for creating the unique and the distinctive and absolutely loves sharing it with others and i love basking in the sheer amazing content that they bring!

@astriferal - Kitty is hands down one of the most meticulous and patient muns I know of! Their writing style is wonderfully aesthetically pleasing and incredibly flexible, which means that they’re very good at morphing to fit with their partner’s styles and can step up to plate for the shortest of replies or the most monstrous in length. Their characters as a whole are all very emotionally gripping and lean a lot more away from actiony to the interpersonal, which i enjoy immensely! I love the interpersonal drama that comes into play and when things do get hairy, it always tends to have that undercurrent of emotional depth that makes it really, truly engaging. Their characters can be unapologetically kind, without it being a weakness, and that’s an aspect that I think isn’t explored enough in fantrolls. I love it!

As a mun, i gotta say I cherish the fact that we’re friends! They’re one of the most considerate people i know and incredibly patient and kind - but also very resolute in sticking to their guns. I absolutely love watching them reach out to others and make them feel at home and watching them create so much amazing content for their fandoms! They deserve everything good in this world and I will Die For Them. (BADUMTSHH)

[ventylatte]

15/06/19 - 3:08am

i wanna try replicate my mind yesterday when i was doing the dishes at 10pm because it was really racing lmao

as mentioned prior, dan’s video on his sexuality really made thoughts that already swarm my mind way louder than usual, paired with the empty shelf that’s been left empty in my mindscape that had once been FILLED with a-level knowledge and stress. it’s now home to a bunch of loud questions about my identity, ranging from my nationality, religion, where i belong (maybe i’ll rant about that some other day, but i’ve made it vocal to people before) to my sexuality. i’m not sure if this was a ‘realisation’ of sorts but a couple months ago on a walk home from school, i remember declaring ‘if i was white, i would have probably come out as bisexual a long time ago’

and yeah i still believe that, 100%!

because despite my coconut-exterior that i seem to project (i hate it, i hate it, i hate it, i feel devalued), i am brown: i do still have asian-indian parents that wouldn’t be thrilled about their son or daughter claiming they’re gay (i say ‘claiming’ because that’s what it would be to them. i know it. ‘such a typical claim in this weird society. bound to happen, it’s a trend these days’, etc.)

i remember asking my mum what she thought about the lgbt, and if i remember correctly, she didn’t mind it, but didn’t want it in her family or ‘circle’.

now i ain’t criticising my parents. many would, but i really can’t. because they were born in a different generation, in a different time where the lgbt community wasn’t exactly as prominent as it is today.

but good god. one day an advert for that reality tv show, ‘the bi life’ i think its called, popped onto the tv, and my dad was all ‘what the hell is this? … freakshow’ (he muttered)

AND I FELT? HURT? no, ‘hurt’ is a strong word. just a bit… prodded at?

and i still can’t decide the reason. was it because i was wondering where i should draw the line with my dad’s remarks towards the lgbt community? i’ve always had this internal debate with myself about whether i’m sort of ‘silencing’ my dad by taking a stand in issues he doesn’t really believe in (primarily the lgbt community, he’s cool with feminism… to an extent lol). he always has a shout about how people can only say what they’re really thinking behind closed doors. would i be taking this away from him? where can i really draw the line in this whole counter-argument of my parents simply being born in another generation? i mean, sure, they aren’t hurting anyone outside (i really hope), but his comments do affect me.

that’s reason 1 i felt a bit disorientated. society’s a bit mad with labels, and i couldn’t find it in me to label my parents a pair of homophobes. BUT AT THE SAME TIME THERE ARE ADULTS THEIR AGE THAT ARE WAY MORE ACCEPTI- i need to stop before i get trapped in this circular argument that i’ve had 19218839 times with myself before - this is already so much longer than i thought it’d be lmfao.

reason 2? and here’s where i feel fake and dumb. something in me resonates with bisexuality.

JESUS, my hands TINGLED and my FACE tingled and it’s starting to heat up right now because i never, ever, ever got that in words, let alone WRITING. because that would make it a real, concrete argument. and maybe no i dont think so elina, stop right theeree duedddeee

i dont know.

i dont know.

sigh.

i dont.

know.

referring back to ‘if i was white, i would have probably come out as bisexual a long time ago’, i know that i would have come out as bisexual if i was white because i feel they have way less to consider when doing so. that’s not to assume that all white people have caring, understanding and liberal parents (but let’s face it dude, white parents are more likely to come around to the idea and other ideas in today’s society that rigid, asian parents would not. might just research into that, lol). a white girl can and will marry a girl if they feel like it, and that’s amazing, that’s so good, that’s so cool that they don’t have maybe other questions that halt this process like: - okay but HOW willing am i to marry a woman? - how plausible is a relationship with a girl? cause, ladies and gents and everything in between, these questions are always pinned under ‘what percentage of me would be with a man rather than a woman’ because fucking damn it, weddings are MAN an d WOMAN AND BITCH IF I AM WHAT IM SCARED TO BE WHAT IF MY HEART LEADS ME TO A WOMAN AND NOT A MAN. think of all the disappointment. white families aren’t as extended as asian families - the news would spread like a vicious wildfire. the prospect of bisexuality for an asian person or a person of colour generally is always pinned with this disgusting, self-denying statement that they really don’t want to think:

‘even if i am, there’s like a bigger chance i’ll marry a man so it doesn’t really matter, right?’

that bigger chance will forever stem from these expectations set by their families, i think.

and it’s always that question that makes them think ‘WELL shit i guess i aint then considering i practically negotiated my sexuality: u cant do that rookie, sexuality is SET IN STONE, so there’s no way you’re that sexuality. you’re only saying it because it’s a thing in society to be.’

it’s just why i dont believe in labels in general, and i love dan’s video so much for dedicated a section towards the matter. sexuality to me is fluid. the only thing that kind of makes it concrete are those labels. labels are great for some people: it gives them a name, a sense of normality in such a heteronormative society. but there’s a negative in that no one can simply just. be.

i wanna.

i dont wanna really.

sigh, am i just trying to align myself with society today? this label-filled society where your worth comes from how many labels you have slapped onto your blazer? it’s like those little patches those sporty, intelligent girls got in assemblies for being leader of the netball team or for excelling in ‘resilience’ or whatever that heck that means. those patches, except they have ones for ‘brown’ +1 point! ‘female’ +1 point! ‘sexually-confused’ +1 point! unless u think ur str***ht, in which case -2 points! where was i going with this AGH my brain isn’t being cohesive it’s just spitting shit everywhere.

another thing that makes me deny it all is my friend. let’s call her peach: she’s brown, muslim, pakistani, has very strict parents, but is still happy to identify as ‘gay’ to the world, and that’s amazing. but it sort of makes me wonder why i haven’t done that yet = thus suggesting ‘yeah im not REALLY, i would’ve felt it like she did in year 8, felt more passion for it - and i dont even have parents as strict as hers, so i can’t be!’ but her sexuality has also been generally fluid: she’s dating a guy at the moment, and has practically abandoned labels for the time being. goals lol.

what the fuk am i saying oh my goddddddd i can’t even make sense of it because i feel like im being super insensitive towards white people sigh forget it im going to bed, maybe i’ll string together something that makes bloody SENSE. its 3am egghj.

EDIT: I POSTED THIS ON RREI-CHAN AFHIAFAHIFA it wasn’t up for long, could’ve been so much worse, could’ve been on ryuga-zuki

[tacit-semantics]

going to be annoying real fast because im incapable of writing fic and not offering commentary on at least a paragraph, and so. Gonna go under the cut tho because it’s long and also common knowledge like there’s nothing new here I just want to infodump you know how it is

this section here was actually written before the rest of this fic and was what kickstarted it, and im kinda surprised it made it in because those generally dont. More inspiration statements than anything. There's really not much to the sentence itself i dont think, or nothing particularly innovative; its a pretty common structure and one i use a lot for establishing internal rhythms. use commas to control the reading speed and you can emulate the feeling of your narrator becoming less controlled or careful w/either their thoughts or speech as the passage continues, which in turn can be used to communicate anything from excitement to apathy (as in loss of energy) to confusion, depending on the context and how frantic you get with it. Anyways this is a pretty instinctive approach because it’s got its basis in an experience that’s common enough, which is to say a decrease in the ability to moderate the speed/content of your thoughts, speech, observations, etc as a result of strong emotion

as for the content of the sentence itself: a lot of its cohesion is dependent on similar words, (two, to, half) and like mirrored numerical ideas which is where a lot of the flow comes in. half of, times two, two to two, lifetime (implied whole), so on, so on. gotta keep them mostly the same length too, which leads into the point below this one. really as far as sentences go its just like. a sentence. intended to some degree as a standalone, as necessitated from a fic like this but also like. its a sentence.

The end sentence there is intended as a contrast point; in this specific fic, it's a callback to the reality of the situation. contrast in this context in pretty common, and the mimicry in tone is intentional. It's like how you can do rule of three deadpan humor by establishing a structural and content-based pattern and then changing the content for the third while maintaining the structure. Keeps the tone the same. Also necessary for anchoring; for context this fic'll be tagged five ways to hell with every variant of 'dissociation' i can think of, but regardless of the general feeling of being unmoored, there is the matter of the momentum or the actual fucking narrative. you have to tie it back so you can move on so you can build something coherent. so on, so forth. It’s actually what I do to build panic or unease in most situations: you build it up and reel it back in and then build it up and reel it back in over and over again, and in doing so you create the image of a person so affected by the events they’re experiencing/they’ve experienced that they’re unable to reframe or rephrase things. Happens to the best of us.

Anyways, that’s not all I’ve got but that’s all I feel like writing. I do not feel good. Such is life