#i have literally never ever in my life ever written for dragon age so lord help me i hope this is DECENT

[queenofbaws]

for jenna marbles lines, "can't you see that I'm fucking leisuring" for hawke and varric because that line has POWERFUL hawke energy. (and i hope your week gets better!!!!!)

((Aww, ty so much!!! For both the kind words AND for helping keep my dash full of that good, good Hawke/Varric content ;P GOD I love these two. AW HELL YEAH Jenna Marbles Prompts - Send me one and I’ll drabble something!))

When you lived in Kirkwall, you saw some shit. That was just sort of par for the course. Any Marcher worth their salt knew that - and sure, maybe you had to deal with the occasional Qunari invasion, religious zealotry, the looming threat of fratricide spurred on by mysterious lyrium idols, cutthroat packs of thugs roaming the streets at night, shards of broken glass slicing through your boots if you didn’t watch your step in Lowtown, giant spiders attacking from above, the general smell of mold and sadness wafting up from Darktown on warm days, necromantic serial murderers, and of course there were the occasional bloodthirsty abominations, but really the water was lovely at sunup and sundown, and the...

Well, the water really was lovely when the light bounced off of it. Very picturesque. Gorgeous, even.

The point was, Varric had seen some shit over the course of his life. Hell, he’d caused his own fair share. He’d walked into some capital-b Bad situations in his time, and not one - not a single one - had inspired quite as much concern as this.

It had taken him a good moment or two to fully process why crossing the threshold into the manor had inspired such a deep, resounding sense of unease, but then it occurred to him in terrible, horrible clarity.

The Hawke Estate was quiet.

Repeat: The Hawke Estate. Was. Quiet.

That could mean a great many things. Very few of them good.

As he entered the foyer, he was greeted by a cozy, crackling fire in the grate, furthering his worry. Someone was here. He lost a fight against a grimace, scanning the open area for any other signs of life. “Hawke?” he called. “I know you’re in here - a very broody little elf told me so.”

There was a pause that seemed to stretch for an eternity, and then Hawke’s voice rang out from...somewhere, bright and chipper and strained just enough that he could tell she was yelling to be heard. “Up here!”

He rolled his eyes, not without affection. “‘Up here’ where? You seem to forget, Champion, some of us are but simple, lowly peasants who live in taverns instead of mansions.”

“Just follow the sound of my voice!”

“Hawke.”

“Followwwww the sooooound of my vooooooice!”

Why had he been worried, again?

When he (eventually) found her, it was in the second floor sitting room. Had he been the one writing the scene, it might’ve gone a little something like: There, in all her resplendent glory, the Champion of Kirkwall lounged amid her many trophies, taking dignified sips of a fine Antivan from what was very well the most ornate crystal chalice in all of Thedas. In reality, Hawke was lying face-up on the rug in that horrible burgundy robe of hers, hands tucked underneath her head like a makeshift pillow. Her eyes were closed, but she cracked one when she felt his footsteps approaching, lips curling into smirk that spoke volumes about how pleased in herself she was.

“You have any idea how unnerving it is to walk in here and not hear anything?” Varric asked, pausing just long enough to examine the mug on the floor by her head. At least he’d been right on one account: It did appear to be an Antivan, by all accounts. Red, of course. “No yelling, no barking, no enchanting...”

Hawke’s grin only seemed to grow at that, and she let out a contented little sigh. “Bodahn and Sandal are at the market, Aveline wanted to take Dog down to the barracks, so...just me all by my lonesome.” She made no effort to hide the relief in her voice.

“I can see that.” He folded his arms across his chest, looking from one end of the room to the other, shuddering as he always did when laying his eyes on the awful statues Hawke inexplicably kept standing watch. The griffin, in particular, was horrendous. Always looked like it was screaming. “I know I’ll regret asking, but what are you doing down there?”

“Leisure.”

Varric nodded as though it made any modicum of sense. “Leisure, huh? Well, not to be that guy, Hawke, but you know most people’s idea of leisure is a good walk. Or a swim. Or...hell, I don’t know, what is it Rivaini does all day?”

At that, Hawke hoisted her mug upwards, sloshing a few drops onto her robe. “Oh, I got the drinking part down, don’t you worry your pretty little head about that. I - oh shit I’m an awful hostess. There’s more on the table if you want. Be warned, you will have to procure your own drinking receptacle.”

“How gracious of you.” He reached for the bottle (barely a quarter of it left), and found himself stopping short again. “Hawke.”

“Mmmyes.”

“Please tell me that what I’m seeing on that table wasn’t a full wheel of cheese this morning.”

“All right. I won’t tell you that.” Hawke laughed before opening her eyes fully, “Now, to what do I owe the unexpected pleasure? Maker knows it’s simply unheard of. It’s not as though everyone and their grandmother is constantly bursting into my home at all hours, after all. I expect this must be truly important.”

Hmm...it seemed he had been a little too self-confident in his assessment of her choice in alcohol. Antivan red, yes. ‘Fine?’ Absolutely not. It didn’t stop him from taking a drink - and then a second - straight from the bottle. “We got a job, as it turns out. How about you go put on some pants, and we’ll--”

“No.”

“Hawke.”

“Absolutely not. Not today. I’m leisuring today. Whatever it is, it can wait.”

“Easy for you to say. You weren’t accosted by a raving Orlesian this morning.” He took another drink before pitching his voice upwards into a ridiculous falsetto, putting on the dreadful affectation he used whenever mimicking an Orlesian. “Oooh eet ees so ‘orrible! Ze mine! My business ees roo-eened!”

There was a faint rustling from the rug as Hawke made herself more comfortable. “That’s actually a halfway decent impression of him. Do the Knight Commander next.”

“He says all the miners are dead, Hawke.”

“Oh, all of them? They’re all dead?”

“According to him.”

She frowned up at him, pooching her lower lip out into a pout. “That’s horrible!” The sadness was dropped as she picked her mug back up, trying to figure out how to best take a drink while still lying down. She seemed to be struggling. Varric did not offer to help. “If they’re all dead today, then they’ll all still be dead tomorrow.”

“Hawke!” Still, he was laughing - and it was threatening to turn raucous, at that.

After another few moments of fumbling with the mug, she groaned, sitting up so she could take a proper drink. “Can’t you see that I’m fucking leisuring, Varric? Robe. Wine. Cheese plate. Empty house.” She jabbed a finger at each item as she listed them, punctuating ‘empty house’ with a curt loop-de-loop in the air.

“There’s good coin in it...” he said, dragging the words out temptingly. It was mostly for show, if he was being entirely honest. Maker knew he didn’t want to deal with Hubert or that blighted mine today. And call him soft, but he knew better than anyone else how very, very, very few quiet moments Hawke was able to have, those days. As it turned out, being the Champion of Kirkwall meant you actually had to champion Kirkwall. And the city had seen better days.

Hawke set her mug back down with a hollow thunk. She laid herself back down on the rug, making deliberate, pointed eye contact with him the entire time. If it had been meant to be intimidating, it had missed its mark; she hit her head against the floor just a bit too quickly, letting out an embarrassing little sound in surprise. “Shit.”

“Graceful.”

“Watch it.” She closed her eyes again, reaching over and patting the spot on the rug next to her. “Hubert can wait. He always does. Come leisure with me. If we’re lucky, we probably have the better part of an hour before anyone comes back.”

Varric drummed his fingers against the bottle as he considered the offer. “An hour, huh?”

Pretending to sigh, Hawke threw her hands up in the air. “Fine! You’re welcome to stay for supper, if you’d like. Just don’t ever say I haven’t done anything for you.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” And then, partially because it sounded like a fairly decent way to pass some time, partially because peaceful moments between him and Hawke (and them alone) were growing few and far between, he did in fact hunker down on the rug next to her, grunting slightly as he rearranged his armor. “You got another one of those robes somewhere?”

“Probably,” she yawned, “But you’d have to go looking for it. I’m--”

“Leisuring. Uh huh. Picked up on that, believe it or not.” He closed his eyes as well, folding his hands atop his stomach after finding a halfway comfortable position.

For a while, the Hawke Estate was quiet again - something that would’ve been deeply concerning for anyone who happened to stumble upon it. No yelling, no swearing, no enchantment. It almost seemed as though one (or both) of them were dozing, when Hawke’s voice broke the silence. “You know,” she said slowly, words thick with relaxation, “I’m fairly certain I locked the door once everyone left.”

“You did,” Varric reassured her, stifling a yawn.

“Mhm. Which means...”

“I picked the lock,” he said, without the faintest shred of shame. “You weren’t answering. Took matters into my own hands.”

Hawke snorted a quiet laugh, rolling onto her side and scooting just close enough to tuck herself against his side. “Showoff.”

[astradrifting]

This is kind of inspired by this recent ask I sent to @esther-dot about Jon’s characterisation and Jonsa shippers’ apparent disregard for it, because it made me think of another part of Jon’s characterisation that is really integral to who he is. Mainly, that Jon really loves his brothers. Especially Robb. His rival and best friend and constant companion. Jon envies him, competes with him, buried a formative traumatic memory where he was deeply hurt by him... but ultimately loves him. Complex relationships with his brothers, both the Starks and his Night’s Watch brothers, are a running theme in Jon’s chapters.

Speaking of Jon’s brothers...

Aegon VI and Robb have a lot of potential parallels, actually. The “Young” moniker, red-haired counselors who are also their parents, trained to be the heir to a great kingdom from a young age, the barely younger half-brother Jon borne of their father’s dishonour of their mother… one that they might both have a good relationship with despite that?

The show tried to play with Jon ‘accepting’ his Targaryen lineage through the jonerice romance, very unconvincingly because it was simultaneously undermining it at every opportunity, in what was maybe a half-assed attempt at Pol!Jon (”They’ll all come to see you for what you are” isn’t anything but a threat in all contexts).

Jon will ultimately choose the Starks over everything else, that’s not really a question. But if Jon were to genuinely connect with another Targaryen, it’d likely be easier for him to find kinship with a half-brother than with an aunt - he has a basis for positive relationships with trueborn half-brothers, while the only aunt figure he’s ever known about is a) long dead and b) actually his mother. I think it’d both make more sense and be more compelling for GRRM to leverage Jon’s existing complex relationships with brotherhood by having him interact with and build a relationship with Aegon, than a rushed and out-of-character romance with Dany. 

Jon also is already primed to believe that Aegon is the real deal, that he was saved as a baby, because he’s already done the exact same thing himself - he swapped out a baby of royal blood who was in danger for a common-born boy, and then sent him halfway across the world for safety (side note: if Septa Lemore is Ashara, and if the baby was actually Ashara’s son as theorised here by @agentrouka-blog, that would just strengthen the parallel, because it would be his body double’s mother caring for him, as Gilly has to do for Mance’s son).

They’re definitely going to come into conflict first - politically, Jon will likely be in a position of power in the North by the time they meet, maybe as the KitN through Robb’s will or regent for Rickon, and probably will fight for Northern independence, while Aegon is fighting to be king of the Seven Kingdoms, not 6. Personally, it will be hard to get past the fact that Jon is the direct result of Rhaegar dishonouring Elia, plus that the Kingsguard who should have been protecting her were all stationed in Dorne, guarding Jon’s mother (in whatever capacity). But these interactions, a conflict and eventual friendship/brotherhood between them, would all be a lot more layered than jonerice can really offer. If a relationship between Jon and Dany was truly all that GRRM has been building up to, then there would have been no need for R+L=J - it adds nothing to that storyline, it doesn’t even make it a forbidden romance, because aunt-nephew is hardly the worst incest the Targaryens have engaged in.

It’s almost inevitable that Da*nerys is going to kill Aegon VI/Young Griff in the books, likely by burning him with dragonfire, in the Second Dance of the Dragons. The weird Dragonpit meeting in the show was very contrived, but it does make sense for Dany to meet the ruler on the Iron Throne at least once in a semi-peaceful context. In the show, she used her dragons only to intimidate Cersei, but she didn’t have a personal grievance with her. Aegon is in much more danger during such a meeting. After all she will think he is a pretender, and she doesn’t much care for the rules of safe conduct, as she showed to the envoys from Yunkai.

Dany shrugged, and said, "Dracarys."

The dragons answered. Rhaegal hissed and smoked, Viserion snapped, and Drogon spat swirling red-black flame. It touched the drape of Grazdan's tokar, and the silk caught in half a heartbeat. 

[...]

"You swore I should have safe conduct!" the Yunkish envoy wailed.

"Do all the Yunkai'i whine so over a singed tokar? I shall buy you a new one... if you deliver up your slaves within three days. Elsewise, Drogon shall give you a warmer kiss." She wrinkled her nose. "You've soiled yourself. Take your gold and go, and see that the Wise Masters hear my message."

(ASOS, Dany IV)

"Ah, there is the thorn in the bower, my queen," said Hizdahr zo Loraq. "Sad to say, Yunkai has no faith in your promises. They keep plucking the same string on the harp, about some envoy that your dragons set on fire."

"Only his tokar was burned," said Dany scornfully.

(ADWD, Dany VI)

So Dany will burn the Blackfyre pretender, and everyone will be happy and cheer to see the rightful queen, the last Targaryen, Slayer of Lies, Breaker of Chains, Insert-The-Million-Other-Titles-Here. Right?

Except how would she prove that he’s an imposter? She can’t exactly roll up with an Alt Shift X video pointing out that Illyrio has said some weird things about Aegon. Is Varys going to have an attack of remorse and explain his whole plot, complete with Blackfyre family tree? Or maybe she’ll explain that she went on a vision quest in Qarth and Aegon totally matches up with the vague symbolism that a bunch of drugged up warlocks told her before she set them on fire?

I don’t think it’s going to matter if Aegon is fake or not, and we might never find out either way. The mystery of his identity isn’t his main narrative, and all of his significance to the story and to multiple other characters is removed if he’s proved to not be Aegon VI. Him being proved fake would just make this plotline a weird, unnecessary digression on Dany’s journey to being the righteous and true queen, his death just another #girlboss moment for her. That’s definitely going to be her perception of it, but once she reaches Westeros we won’t have to rely on only her POV of her actions. History is written by the winners, and no one’s going to miss that it’s a lot more convenient for Dany if the boy with a stronger claim than her turns out to have been fake all along. Arianne and the Dornish are definitely not going to take it lying down, and neither is Jon. He’s not going to fall in love with the woman who murdered his brother, especially by burning him alive. ADWD has plenty to say about how much he hates death by fire.

“Men say that freezing to death is almost peaceful. Fire, though … do you see the candle, Gilly?”

She looked at the flame. “Yes.”

“Touch it. Put your hand over the flame.”

Her big brown eyes grew bigger still. She did not move.

“Do it.” Kill the boy. “Now.”

Trembling, the girl reached out her hand, held it well above the flickering candle flame.

“Down. Let it kiss you.”

Gilly lowered her hand. An inch. Another. When the flame licked her flesh, she snatched her hand back and began to sob.

“Fire is a cruel way to die. Dalla died to give this child life, but you have nourished him, cherished him. You saved your own boy from the ice. Now save hers from the fire.”

(ADWD, Jon II)

Funnily enough, the same fire as a kiss imagery from Dany burning the envoy’s tokar appeared there too, also used as a threat. 

If he is not a kinslayer, he is the next best thing. [...] What sort of man can stand by idly and watch his own brother being burned alive?

(ADWD, Jon IX)

So Aegon’s death is not going to be a triumphant victory for Dany, after which everyone proclaims her the true queen. It’s likely to just solidify opposition to her, from every corner of Westeros. If it happens during a summit or negotiation, it’d be even more of a tragic parallel to Robb and the Red Wedding; the young king murdered off of the battlefield, at an event where he was promised safe conduct. Featuring Dany in the role of Roose Bolton and Tywin Lannister. Tywin’s already died a very undignified death, and Roose Bolton looks to be on his way too.

I think the tragedy of Aegon’s death would also hit harder if we see it through Jon, as a main POV, or at least the aftermath of it. Jon was integral at the Dragonpit meeting after all, and probably would be at a peace summit or negotiation between the leaders of Westeros and the invading force.

In ASOS, there’s a curious lack of Jon’s reaction to Robb’s death. We see his initial reaction to Bran and Rickon’s supposed deaths when he gets back to Castle Black, but he doesn’t even know about Robb’s death until Stannis arrives to defeat the wildlings, and we’re not shown the moment he’s told about it. He barely even thinks about it, not even a mention until he meets with Stannis on top of the Wall:

“Your brother was the rightful Lord of Winterfell. If he had stayed home and done his duty, instead of crowning himself and riding off to conquer the riverlands, he might be alive today. Be that as it may. You are not Robb, no more than I am Robert.”

The harsh words had blown away whatever sympathy Jon might have had for Stannis. “I loved my brother,” he said.

(ASOS, Jon XI)

And that’s literally all we get that is specifically about Robb’s death - the rest of Jon’s chapters, his guilt and grief is about the loss of all his siblings, and the idea of stealing Winterfell from them. It doesn’t really make sense for him to not think about it at all, considering how close they were. This reminds me of how he has a non-reaction to Sansa’s marriage to Tyrion as well, as talked about in this post by @agentrouka-blog. Part of this could be Jon’s tendency towards denial and suppression of all his feelings, but it also points to GRRM explicitly obscuring his reaction - perhaps because he’s going to explore it in the wake of another brother dying a very similar death? One that this time he’ll be there to witness?

[magewardensurana]

Dear Creator Letter

Under the Cut!

First of all thank you so much for taking on my prompts, I’m looking forward to seeing whatever it is you create for me!

Okay, general DNWs:

Racism, homophobia, misogynistic language, incest or pseudo incest, sexual content outside of what would be canon appropriate, pretty much every kink going, imbalanced power dynamics, soulmates, rape, animal or child abuse, animal death, AUs (coffee shop, no powers, highschool/uni etc), Avengers Endgame-Complaint fics.

Now onto my Do Wants

Found family, angst with a happy ending, casefics, bisexual ladies coming to their bisexuality later in life, bisexual ladies who knew all along, bisexual ladies who chose men over women (a given for this event), AUs that take canon and make it a little different.

My writing on AO3 is a good indication of what I like, and feel free to check out my tumblr for a good idea of my kind of jam.

Fandom Specific (honestly though these are just prompt ideas. If you have something else in mind go for it)

MCU

I’m not a big fan of Endgame, or most of Infinity War, so if you want to go ‘to hell with this, everyone lives’ then I am more than okay with that. If you want Thanos to have been killed shortly after GOTG2 because Nebula tracked him down and stabbed him in the dick until he died from it then I’m also okay with that.

Carol/Maria - I’d love something pre-canon with these two. Their backstory is so interesting, especially when you factor in they were co-parenting and dating under DADT. I’d also love lots of interactions with Monica&Carol and Mar Vell and Carol. if you want to go for a casefic then, since I do love Natasha, Carol vs a Red Room Loyal Black Widow?

Carol/Valkyrie - Anything post-Ragnarok with the Asgardians (all of them, even the dead ones. Canon is dead and we killed it) on Earth, Would love: a lot of Carol interacting with the Revengers and Valkyrie interacting with literally any female characters because the MCU is bad at that.

Sarah/May - So much potential with these two. Blended families! Second loves! Dating while older and with kids!  I know Sambucky is a logical sistership to this pairing but I’m not a fan of that ship.

Dragon Age

Cassandra/Literally Any Of The Female Protagonists - Big fan of ‘Cass should’ve been bi’ so I’d like something exploring this. I’d like something set during DAI (so after the death of her boyfriend) with Cass coming to realisations about her sexuality. However you want to write the Warden/Hawke/Inquisitor is fine but my preference is for Surana, Sarcastic/Aggressive mage!Hawke and mage Adaar. I don’t like Anders so if you ever want to throw in some Anders hate then I’m fine with that.

Josie/Bela - I’d love something post-DAI with Josie taking Bela home to meet her family, or Josie as a member of Bela’s pirate crew (and putting her diplomatic skills to good use)

Marquis of Serault/Well Read Pig Farmer - I just want anything involving my favourite former Tevinter magister.

Fire Emblem

Three Houses - my preference is for the Crimson Flower route, but if you want to go the angst route of Byleth and El are fighting against each other then Golden Deer is my favourite path. I also love AUs where the three Lords (or four, counting Yuri) team up with each other to fight against TWSITD. Other than that I have no preferences for what you want to do with any of the ships.

Blazing Blade - I’d love to see post FE7, pre-FE6 stuff, with Lyn and Florina being involved in their friends’ lives. Lyn teaching Roy swordfighting, Florina teaching Lilina how to ride a Pegasus. Plus, lots of interacting with Farina and Ninian (especially if you want to build on the Ninian and Florina friendship). Or if you want to do what they were up to during FE6 I’d love that too.

Awakening - No preferences here.

Resident Evil

Rebecca/Claire - AU where Rebecca is still in Racoon City and teams up with Claire and Sherry? Vendetta AU where Claire is there too? Chris and Jill are getting married and neither Claire or Becca have dates and go together? I don’t really mind. For RE2 canon I prefer the 1998 storyline (Claire A/Leon B) but if you only know the remake then that’s fine, or if you want to mix canons that’s also fine. For past relationships I love the angst Burnfield gives Claire but Billy and Rebecca I see as completely platonic.

Jill/Ada - Normally I’m a strictly Valenfield and Aeon kind of woman but I have a weakness for this ship. Jill is heavily associated with the colour blue, has blonde or brown hair depending on the game and is completely on the side of justice. What I’m saying is: she’s Ada’s type. I love the idea of Ada being at the police station early and running into Jill while she’s there in RE3. I’m also a fan of Ada trying to save Jill in RE5 when she realises it’s her actions in Spain that led to Jill’s brainwashing.

Ace Attorney

I don’t have any preference just as long as there’s no Franmaya, which is my NOTP or the Bad Cykesquill (Simon/Athena. Not only is the age difference too high, but they have a sibling relationship and Simon is clearly gay). I tend to headcanon Klaiver and Ema used to date but Mia and Godot never did. Background Wrightworth is always a plus.

FMA Manga//Brotherhood

Oliver/Maria - Honestly it’s not hard to see what I like when it comes to this ship because the AO3 tag is 99% written by me. Put Olivier in suspenders and holding a sword and I’m a happy woman.

Rose/Paninya - a woman whose town was destroyed in riots and a woman who has found a love of doing repair work? And they’re both friends with Winry who is more than happy to play matchmaker? The pairing writes itself. I know that the 03 anime gave Rose a dead boyfriend, but the manga never specifies. They’re lesbians, Harold.

Dishonored

Emily/Alexi - Wyman? I don’t know her! I love AUs where Alexi lives and is on the Dreadful Wale during the events of the game. Also a big fan of Jess Lives AUs if you want to have Emily attempting to court her childhood best friend/bodyguard while her amazingly embarrassing parents cheer her on. And I love the AUs where both Corvo and Emily are the co-protagonists (especially marked!Corvo, flesh and steel!Emily). I ignore the canonical age difference between Corvo and Jess and put them both as being in their late teens when they met. Basically anything where Alexi is still alive and not going to die is a good fic. If you want to include Wyman at all my preference is for female Wyman since I see Emily as a lesbian. Either she and Emily are exes on good terms or have always been just friends.

Anyway, I think that’s everything. Thank you again!

[p-and-p-admin]

Interview given to The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/

Hello CorvusDraconis and welcome to Behind the Quill, thank-you so much for sitting down with us to chat.

You’re a well known and beloved figure in the SS/HG community for your many stories - including a personal favourite of mine, A chance for happiness.

Okay, let’s jump right in. What's the story behind your pen name? 

I have always had a fascination for the shiny things and the Northwest Coast depictions of Raven the Trickster/Creator, and, I tend to hoard (and get super protective) of my art supplies. Corvids have always been a positive sign in my life. They tend to show up when I’m feeling down and engage in funny antics in the yard. As for dragons, I’ve always had a love for them and think the Western depiction of them as dangerous beasts with no mind but for hoarding treasure and killing people only to be slain by a knight quite despicable. 

Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most?

Severus, actually. I see a lot of my life in his. Hardships, challenges, bullying— trying to be something better and later wondering about unwise decisions. I have a very similar dislike for dunderheads, but I do not share his inclination to denude rosebushes of their petals. Do you have a favourite genre to read? (not in fic, just in general) I have always preferred fantasy and sci-fi. 

Do you have a favourite "classic" novel?

I am not sure if you would call it a classic novel, but grew up on all things Tolkien (and even puzzled through the Silmarillion at the grand age of seven), and have a special place in my heart for Watership Down. While I’ve read pieces like War and Peace, Iliad, Ulysses, Pride and Prejudice, Grapes of Wrath, Moby Dick, Great Gatsby, Little Women, Catcher in the Rye, Tom Sawyer/Huckleberry Finn, Scarlet Letter, Don Quixote, To Kill a Mockingbird, Animal Farm, Jane Eyre, Lord of the Flies, Tale of Two Cities, Heart of Darkness, Robinson Crusoe, Alice in Wonderland, Great Expectations, Odyssey, Frankenstein, Dracula, Crime and Punishment, Heart of Darkness, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, The Secret Garden, Treasure Island, Anne of Green Gables, Les Misérables, Peter Pan, Gulliver’s Travels, all things Jack London, 20000 Leagues, etc.— they never captured me as aptly as Anne McCaffery’s Dragonriders of Pern or Mercedes Lackley’s the Last Herald Mage. Though, if I were to pick classic stories I read more than once (litmus test for things I like) it would be things such as The Secret Garden, Call of the Wild, Wild Fang, The Hobbit, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe,  and The Last Unicorn. At what age did you start writing? The moment I could pick up pencil and paper, I was writing. I had notepads full of stories I wrote as a kid. Alas, my dad found them one day when I was off to college, made fun of them, and I came home and burned every single one in mortification.

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

The moment TV shows did “stupid things” to their characters. I used to write things about Beauty and the Beast (the old CBS show) when they killed off the main character, Knight Rider, Robocop, Transformers— there are probably far more that I just don’t remember now. I was writing it long before there was a fanfiction dot net or a term to even call it. What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works? I am a shameless romantic for the beauty within and sometimes the quite literal love for a monster (not just some person who acts like a monster and changes into a better person.) The misunderstood monster is perhaps my most favourite theme, and it shows up in my stories often if not always. What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter? I ship SessKag from Inuyasha, Lucard/Sophie from Dracula: The Series, and Loki/Hermione when I’m feeling crossover-y. If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? Do you have a favourite piece of fanon? Other than my favourite fanon that Severus lives/survives/finds a better life free of two masters and his guilt, I would say I would want Harry to wise the heck up and realise his father was a swine, his godfather was an almost successful murderer that used his own best mate to try and kill off another student, and his mother wasn’t all that hot either. I would want him to find value in himself without having to make stuff up about his “perfect” parents. Then again, I would want Vernon/Petunia to be arrested for child abuse and put in gaol, but— then the story would have been very different XD Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet?  Sometimes quiet, sometimes music. But usually, I am best mates with Spotify.

What are your favourite fanfictions of all time?

In the HP universe: I honestly don’t read many of them because I’m always writing my own stuff XD, but when I really feel like I need a good Ron bashing SSHG HEA, I read just about anything by IShouldBeWritingSomethingElse. However, that being said, I often return to “The Sun is Often Out” by Hannah-1888 for just the right amount of angst and HEA to make me happy.

In the Inuyasha universe: A Trick of Fate by PristinelyUngifted

In the Marvel universe:  Mutual Respect Sends His Regrets by moor

In the Star Trek universe:  Gratified By Your Company by starfleetdream

Are you a plotter or a pantser? How does that affect your writing process?

I go by the seat of my feathered rump, to be honest. Inspiration is a fickle, unpredictable beast, and I usually don’t know what is going to happen until it does.

What is your writing genre of choice?

Fantasy

Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why?

Chance of Happiness because it was my very first publication. It may not have been my best, but it was my first, and it very well could have been my last yet somehow wasn’t.

Looks Can Be Deceiving and One Step Forward, Two Decades Back are two epic tales that seemed to demand being written. The fact I finished them was something I think deserves a little pride.

Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it?

Looks started off with me attempted to write Dramione just once. It failed. Draco demanded to be her brother of the heart, Viktor came in and said “nope she’s mine,” and no one was more surprised at the outcome of that story than me. The characters did what THEY wanted.

I learned that trying to plan a story from start to finish is useless when the characters decide what they want. The story demanded more, and I was just a conduit that typed it down. For me, at least, attempting to outline and plan is utterly useless

How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write?

I think every story I write is personal in some way. The inspiration comes from somewhere inside, and I often have no idea what it is until I go back and read it later. I think the story wrote itself in a lot of ways, which made it easier in a way, but there are a lot of things I can’t say were from personal experience because as a high fantasy of talking gryphons and such I can only imagine it. There is no basis in real life on how any of that would go down. There is a freedom in that but also many challenges in making it real enough to identify with despite how alien and fantastic the idea is.

What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing?

Dragonriders of Pern introduced sentient dragons and the idea that despite a vast difference in species there could be teamwork and love between the two as they teamed up against a greater threat.

The herald-mage books by Mercedes Lackley were also important staples in my childhood because it impressed the values of responsibility despite having powers others did not, and that people were fallible despite greatness and potential.

Gandalara Cycle by Randall Garrett and Vicki Ann Heydron: I cannot tell you how often I read this story. I had dog ears on these novels because there was so much I loved about them. It was a search for humanity when displaced in a seemingly alien world, societal clashes, and the great sha’um (the giant rideable cats) that were the main characters’ partners for life.  

 The Enchanted Forest Chronicles by Patricia C Wrede: A princess rebels against her arranged marriage by running away to be a dragon princess.

All of these books had creatures in it that chose to partner with a human and be with them for life, not as lovers that you find in the more modern supernatural romance blender out there, but the ultimate friend for life— the family you choose.

Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction?

Oh heck no. Hah. They have their secrets, and I have mine. Personally, I think mine are more healthy than theirs.

How true for you is the notion of "writing for yourself"? 

Very.

I write for myself. Sometimes I’ll write a story for one of my betas or a sshg friend, but for the most part, I write for my own entertainment because nothing like what I write is out there. There is a lot of SSHG out there, but mine is almost always a creature feature story. I blame X-Files growing up. It tickles me that others enjoy my stories, but in the end I write to get things down and out of my head. They just so happen to entertain others as they do me.

How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media?

I will often engage in A/N talk at the end of chapters, but I really don’t engage in the fandom. I loathe social media. That being said, I read every review, and while I don’t reply to everything because FF dot net is a horrible platform for messaging anymore (or ever was really)-- I appreciate every single one. Sometimes it helps to know people are enjoying the story for the story’s sake.

What is the best advice you've received about writing?

Get a beta, even if you are pretty good at writing. Get one because a second pair of eyes will catch things you don’t. Read your own stuff out loud. If you trip over it, your audience will too. If you stumble, so will they.

Get a beta who isn’t afraid to tell you that your shite stinks in places and you make no sense. You may want a cheerleader, but what you need is a beta. If you are super lucky, you can have both at once.

What do you do when you hit writer's block?

I play computer games and sew things. I’ve sewn a lot of things lately. Scrub caps and masks for work— 

There has been a lot of writer’s block lately due to the times, and I will not write when I’m uninspired. I will not force inspiration. That’s not fair to me or those unfortunate enough to share in the reading. I want to be able to go back on a story I wrote and enjoy it and not curse at myself. XD

Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing?

Sometimes certain catch phrases and things from real life friends have trickled in as a sort of Easter egg (unbeknownst to them since I don’t tell them I write fanfic). Sometimes random news stories or whatnot find their way in. Lessons of the day. Random events. Things that are too odd not to stick in my brain somehow. I can’t say I always do it on purpose, though.

Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser?

No, I have a goal this year to finish off the unfinished stories. This is made harder because Dragon and the Rose keeps adding more and more bunnies into the idea bin, and my brain wants to run with them, but I’m like NO DANGIT, I HAVE STUFF TO FINISH STILL!  It’s a hard thing trying to finish what you start when so much interesting stuff pops up and waves at you like “heeeeeyyyyy I’m cool too!”

Any words of encouragement to other writers?

Keep writing but remember you can always be better. You can always improve.  Writing isn’t a popularity contest. It isn’t about how many reviews you get or how many fans you may or may not have. Write because you want to write. Write what you like not what other people like. Write for you because in the end, you are the one who goes back to read it and say “I wrote this story, and I still love it” instead of forcing yourself to write something just because the topic is “popular” and gets a lot of visitors. Write something you’ll be proud to go back and read and enjoy. You’ll find when you write something genuinely, readers will come. And if only one person leaves you a paragraph review on how much your story meant to them out of someone else’s hundreds of  “great!” (with nothing else)-- think of what you value more.

If my story helped someone through a dark time.

Just one person—

Then it was a good effort.

Maybe that person didn’t have the bravery to leave a message. Maybe they are ashamed. Maybe they send you a PM instead of a review.

That is, to me, the ultimate reason why I realised that despite writing stories for myself that there are people out there that needed to hear my story at just the right time in their life. If my story can bring a little joy to someone else, then it doesn’t matter how many reviews I have. It doesn’t matter that I don’t have thousands of reviews like “that other author.” What matters is that I told my story; someone out there read it and it spoke to them.

I love hearing from people and what they liked about my stories, but I also am glad that there are some people out there who secretly like my stories but do not feel safe enough to review.

So, I would say to the aspiring author: write for yourself but share it. You never know whose day you will make with your story. They may never tell you. They may tell you years later (happened to me!). There is a good chance that someone out there needs your story as much as you need to write it. That being said, find yourself a beta to share your journey with you. You may find a few friend in the process.

Thanks so much for giving us your time.

You are quite welcome.

[aboveallarescuer]

Daenerys Targaryen in A Storm of Swords vs Game of Thrones - Episode 3.5: Kissed by Fire

In this series of posts, I intend to analyze precisely how the show writers downplayed or erased several key aspects of Daenerys Targaryen’s characterization, even when they had the books to help them write her as the compelling, intelligent, compassionate, frugal, open-minded and self-critical character that GRRM created.

I want to make it clear that these posts are not primarily meant to offer a better alternative to what the show writers gave us. I understand that they had many constraints (e.g. other storylines to handle, a limited amount of time to write the scripts, budget, actors who may have asked for a certain number of lines, etc) working against them. However, considering how disrespectful the show’s ending was to Daenerys Targaryen and how the book material that they left out makes it even more ludicrous to think that she will also become a villain in A Song of Ice and Fire, I believe that these reviews are more than warranted. They are meant to dissect everything about Dany’s characterization that was lost in translation, with a lot of book evidence to corroborate my statements.

Since these reviews will dissect scene by scene, I recommend taking a look at this post because I will use its sequence to order Dany’s scenes.

This post is relevant in case you want to know which chapters were adapted in which GoT episodes (however, I didn’t make the list myself, all the information comes from the GoT Wiki, so I can’t guarantee that it’s 100% reliable).

In general, I will call the Dany from the books “Dany” and the Dany from the TV series “show!Dany”.

Scene 5

This episode was written by Bryan Cogman, but he admits here that the scenes in Essos were actually written by D&D.

Before I talk about the scene itself, we need to consider that its premise is flawed to begin with. Neither Barristan nor Jorah are known for making jokes and being friendly and amusing in general, they are actually known for lacking a sense of humor:

And Daario Naharis made her laugh, which Ser Jorah never did. (ASOS Daenerys V)

~

"Give that tongue of yours a rest unless you'd rather I tied it in a knot."

Tyrion swallowed his retort. His lip was still fat and swollen from the last time he had pushed the big knight too far. Hard hands and no sense of humor makes for a bad marriage. That much he'd learned on the road from Selhorys. (ADWD Tyrion VII)

~

Twice exiled, and small wonder, Tyrion thought. I'd exile him too if I could. The man is cold, brooding, sullen, deaf to humor. And those are his good points. (ADWD Tyrion VIII)

*

Littlefinger was the last. As Ned looked to him, Lord Petyr stifled a yawn. "When you find yourself in bed with an ugly woman, the best thing to do is close your eyes and get on with it," he declared. "Waiting won't make the maid any prettier. Kiss her and be done with it."

"Kiss her?" Ser Barristan repeated, aghast.

"A steel kiss," said Littlefinger. (AGOT Eddard VIII)

~

In the purple hall, Dany found her ebon bench piled high about with satin pillows. The sight brought a wan smile to her lips. Ser Barristan’s work, she knew. The old knight was a good man, but sometimes very literal. It was only a jape, ser, she thought, but she sat on one of the pillows just the same. (ADWD Daenerys II)

Which is not to say that they can't ever laugh at people's jokes or make jokes themselves, but it's noticeable that the show's time to depict Dany's storyline is limited and that they still chose to write a scene that has little to do with their core personality traits.

Even more importantly, these two are unable to be friendly with one another because Jorah is too suspicious of Barristan and wants to isolate Dany from other men:

“In King’s Landing, your ancestors raised an immense domed castle for their dragons. The Dragonpit, it is called. It still stands atop the Hill of Rhaenys, though all in ruins now. That was where the royal dragons dwelt in days of yore, and a cavernous dwelling it was, with iron doors so wide that thirty knights could ride through them abreast. Yet even so, it was noted that none of the pit dragons ever reached the size of their ancestors. The maesters say it was because of the walls around them, and the great dome above their heads.”

“If walls could keep us small, peasants would all be tiny and kings as large as giants,” said Ser Jorah. “I’ve seen huge men born in hovels, and dwarfs who dwelt in castles.”

“Men are men,” Whitebeard replied. “Dragons are dragons.”

Ser Jorah snorted his disdain. “How profound.” The exile knight had no love for the old man, he’d made that plain from the first. “What do you know of dragons, anyway?” (ASOS Daenerys I)

~

“It was said that no man ever knew Prince Rhaegar, truly. I had the privilege of seeing him in tourney, though, and often heard him play his harp with its silver strings.”

Ser Jorah snorted. “Along with a thousand others at some harvest feast. Next you’ll claim you squired for him.” (ASOS Daenerys I)

~

“A warrior without peer ... those are fine words, Your Grace, but words win no battles.”

“Swords win battles,” Ser Jorah said bluntly. “And Prince Rhaegar knew how to use one.” (ASOS Daenerys I)


~

“...A change in the wind may bring the gift of victory.” He glanced at Ser Jorah. “Or a lady’s favor knotted round an arm.”

Mormont’s face darkened. “Be careful what you say, old man.”

Arstan had seen Ser Jorah fight at Lannisport, Dany knew, in the tourney Mormont had won with a lady’s favor knotted round his arm. He had won the lady too; Lynesse of House Hightower, his second wife, highborn and beautiful ... but she had ruined him, and abandoned him, and the memory of her was bitter to him now. “Be gentle, my knight.” She put a hand on Jorah’s arm. “Arstan had no wish to give offense, I’m certain.”

“As you say, Khaleesi.” Ser Jorah’s voice was grudging. (ASOS Daenerys I)

~

Ser Jorah watched with a frown on his blunt honest face. Mormont was big and burly, strong of jaw and thick of shoulder. Not a handsome man by any means, but as true a friend as Dany had ever known. “You would be wise to take that old man’s words well salted,” he told her when Whitebeard was out of earshot.

[...] “This Arstan Whitebeard is playing you false. He is too old to be a squire, and too well spoken to be serving that oaf of a eunuch.” (ASOS Daenerys I)

~

“Sit, good ser, and tell me what is troubling you.”

“Three things.” Ser Jorah sat. “Strong Belwas. This Arstan Whitebeard. And Illyrio Mopatis, who sent them.” (ASOS Daenerys I)

~

But when Mero was gone, Arstan Whitebeard said, “That one has an evil reputation, even in Westeros. Do not be misled by his manner, Your Grace. He will drink three toasts to your health tonight, and rape you on the morrow.”

“The old man’s right for once,” Ser Jorah said. (ASOS Daenerys IV)

~

“Whilst you have an honest beard, is that what you are telling me? You are the only man I should ever trust?”

He stiffened. “I did not say that.”

“You say it every day. Pyat Pree’s a liar, Xaro’s a schemer, Belwas a braggart, Arstan an assassin ... do you think I’m still some virgin girl, that I cannot hear the words behind the words?” (ASOS Daenerys IV)

~

“Khaleesi, before you kneels Ser Barristan Selmy, Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, who betrayed your House to serve the Usurper Robert Baratheon.”

The old knight did not so much as blink. “The crow calls the raven black, and you speak of betrayal.” (ASOS Daenerys V)

I doubt their book counterparts would spend their time apart from Dany talking to each other about their pasts, and I think that's a significant change because it's another way that makes show!Jorah (whose book counterpart is a slaver who tries to groom, isolate and undermine Dany) be seen in a much more positive light than in the books.

*

JORAH: It was a bitch of a siege.

BARRISTAN: Mm, you were first through the breach at Pyke?

JORAH: The second. Thoros of Myr went in alone, waving that flaming sword of his.

BARRISTAN: Thoros of Myr. Bloody madman. Robert knighted you after the battle?

JORAH: Proudest moment of my life. One knee in the dust, the king's sword on my shoulder, listening to the words. "In the name of the Warrior, I charge you to be brave." All I could think of was how badly I had to piss. In full plate metal for 16 hours. Never occurred to me till the fighting was over. I was very nearly the first man knighted to piss on the king's boots.

In the books, the siege of Pyke is brought up in this context:

“By then my father had taken the black, so I was Lord of Bear Island in my own right. I had no lack of marriage offers, but before I could reach a decision Lord Balon Greyjoy rose in rebellion against the Usurper, and Ned Stark called his banners to help his friend Robert. The final battle was on Pyke. When Robert’s stonethrowers opened a breach in King Balon’s wall, a priest from Myr was the first man through, but I was not far behind. For that I won my knighthood.”

“To celebrate his victory, Robert ordained that a tourney should be held outside Lannisport. It was there I saw Lynesse, a maid half my age. She had come up from Oldtown with her father to see her brothers joust. I could not take my eyes off her. In a fit of madness, I begged her favor to wear in the tourney, never dreaming she would grant my request, yet she did.”

[...] “What did she look like, your Lady Lynesse?”

Ser Jorah smiled sadly. “Why, she looked a bit like you, Daenerys.” He bowed low. “Sleep well, my queen.”

Dany shivered, and pulled the lionskin tight about her. She looked like me. It explained much that she had not truly understood. He wants me, she realized. He loves me as he loved her, not as a knight loves his queen but as a man loves a woman. She tried to imagine herself in Ser Jorah’s arms, kissing him, pleasuring him, letting him enter her. It was no good. When she closed her eyes, his face kept changing into Drogo’s.

[...] She had heard the longing in Ser Jorah’s voice when he spoke of his Bear Island. He can never have me, but one day I can give him back his home and honor. That much I can do for him. (ACOK Daenerys I)

As we can see above, the siege of Pyke is brought up to contextualize Jorah and Lynesse's relationship and parallel their relationship with Dany and Jorah's current one. It is there to service Dany's storyline, motivations and relationships - with that backstory, she realizes at that point that, while Jorah loves her, she can't love him back. This makes her feel guilty, so much so that she thinks she has to compensate by bringing him back home. This is also an instance that displays how deeply ingrained patriarchal views are on this universe - because Dany is a woman, she thinks she owes her knight something in return for his protection. The roles of liege and object of desire intersect in a way that wouldn't happen to a king.

But why am I saying all of this? My point is that connections between past and present in ASOIAF matter only to the extent that they say something about our POV characters. The Arianne/Rhaenyra and Arianne/Nymeria comparisons matter only to the extent that they inform Arianne's motivations and storyline, as well as the Jon Snow/Blackfyres one, which informs Catelyn's views on Jon. By contrast, the show brought up the siege in Pyke only so that we would empathize with show!Jorah again, but that was never the main purpose in the books, in which the backstory primarily serviced Dany's character. But then, the show writers are intent on erasing how creepy and disrespectful Jorah's treatment of Dany in the books is.

Also, the only new detail that they added was that Jorah wanted to urinate while Robert was knighting him. Was that really necessary?

BARRISTAN: Robert would have laughed. He was a good man, a great warrior. And a terrible king. I burned away my years fighting for terrible kings.

In the books, Barristan has more conflicted feelings about Robert Baratheon than he ever lets on in the show:

“Some truths are hard to hear. Robert was a ... a good knight ... chivalrous,
brave ... he spared my life, and the lives of many others ...[”] (ASOS Daenerys VI)

~

I came to bring Daenerys home. Yet he had lost her, just as he had lost her father and her brother. Even Robert. I failed him too. (ADWD The Queensguard)

~

And what did Robert say when he saw them? Did he smile? Barristan Selmy had been badly wounded on the Trident, so he had been spared the sight of Lord Tywin's gift, but oft he wondered. If I had seen him smile over the red ruins of Rhaegar's children, no army on this earth could have stopped me from killing him. (ADWD The Kingsguard)

Barristan may admit Robert's value as a knight (highly questionable as it is), praise him for showing mercy to the Targaryen loyalists and be ashamed for "failing" him. At the same time, Barristan still feels anger for the deaths of Rhaegar's children, so much so that he can't stop himself from thinking he would avenge them if he had seen Robert smiling at the sight of their corpses. Also, when he thinks about the people he failed, he thinks that he failed "even Robert", which shows that he had considerably less regard for him than he did either Dany or Rhaegar.

I don't think Barristan would ever call Robert a "good man", and I think his feelings for Robert are particularly important because they inform Barristan's siding with Ned when he asks Robert not to kill Dany, as well as why he chose to follow Viserys (Rhaegar's heir) instead of Stannis (Robert's heir) and why he demands that the Shavepate does not kill Dany's hostages if he is to side with him.

Also, again, Barristan would never share his personal feelings (much less negative ones) about anyone with Jorah.

The infuriating part, though, is this one:

JORAH: You swore an oath.

BARRISTAN: Yes. And a man of honor keeps his vows, even if he's serving a drunk or a lunatic. Just once in my life before it's over, I want to know what it's like to serve with pride, to fight for someone I believe in. Do you believe in her?

JORAH: With all my heart.

First, they portray show!Jorah as a reliable source as to whether we should trust show!Dany or not. While one might argue that these are two different characters, not only the erasure of Jorah's negative behaviors for the sake of an unrequited love story is still disgusting, but Jorah was never a reliable source about Dany in the books.

Second, Barristan's arc is partly about finding out on his own that Dany is a worthy liege after spending years following bad kings:

“...The truth is, I wanted to watch you for a time before pledging you my sword. To make certain that you were not ...”

“... my father’s daughter?” If she was not her father’s daughter, who was she?

“... mad,” he finished. “But I see no taint in you.”
 (ASOS Daenerys VI)

~

“So I am a coin in the hands of some god, is that what you are saying, ser?”

“No,” Ser Barristan replied. “You are the trueborn heir of Westeros. To the end of my days I shall remain your faithful knight, should you find me worthy to bear a sword again. If not, I am content to serve Strong Belwas as his squire.”  (ASOS Daenerys VI)

~

“I flung my sword at Joffrey’s feet and have not touched one since. Only from the hand of my queen will I accept a sword again.”

“As you wish.” Dany took the sword from Brown Ben and offered it hilt first. The old man took it reverently. “Now kneel,” she told him, “and swear it to my service.”

He went to one knee and lay the blade before her as he said the words.  (ASOS Daenerys VI)

~

“Freedom to starve?” asked Dany sharply. “Freedom to die? Am I a dragon, or a harpy?” Am I mad? Do I have the taint?

“A dragon,” Ser Barristan said with certainty. (ASOS Daenerys VI)

Having show!Barristan ask show!Jorah's opinion on show!Dany diminishes the impact of the passages above, which display his own judgment based on the time he spent on Dany's side.

Having show!Barristan ask show!Jorah's opinion on show!Dany undercuts Barristan's arc. The show writers might have show!Barristan say that he wants to "fight for someone [he] believe[s] in", but that's just lip service; these words ring hollow because we don't see him finding out for himself.

Could the show writers have added an original scene that gives the characters around show!Dany more to do? Of course (though I've argued before that even the scenes focusing on show!Dany are often seen from the viewpoint of her advisors and prevent us from fully experiencing the journey with show!Dany herself). But they should have thought about whether it fits into their characterizations in the books and, if it doesn't, why is that change necessary? What does having show!Barristan not find out on his own that show!Dany is a liege worth following cause besides undermining both Dany's and Barristan's characters? What does having show!Jorah not be a creepy and be a reliable source about show!Dany cause besides making a slaver look better?

*

Show!Grey Worm's first scene has its strengths. I like how it displays show!Dany's genuine empathy for the Unsullied, as well as show!Grey Worm's admiration for her. The actors gave good performances. There is one departure from the books (that I don't really understand the purpose of; they probably forgot about it), though:

DAENERYS: What is your name?

GREY WORM: Grey Worm.

DAENERYS: Grey Worm...

MISSANDEI: All Unsullied boys are given new names when they are cut ... Grey Worm, Red Flea, Black Rat. Names that remind them what they are ... vermin.

The books go even further on the slavers' dehumanization of the Unsullied:

“This one’s name is Red Flea, your worship.”


The girl repeated their exchange in the Common Tongue.


“And yesterday, what was it?”


“Black Rat, your worship.”


“The day before?”


“Brown Flea, your worship.”


“Before that?”


“This one does not recall, your worship. Blue Toad, perhaps. Or Blue Worm.”

“Tell her all their names are such,” Kraznys commanded the girl. “It reminds them that by themselves they are vermin. The name disks are thrown in an empty cask at duty’s end, and each dawn plucked up again at random.”

“More madness,” said Arstan, when he heard. “How can any man possibly remember a new name every day?”

“Those who cannot are culled in training, along with those who cannot run all day in full pack, scale a mountain in the black of night, walk across a bed of coals, or slay an infant.” (ASOS Daenerys II)

Not only their names remind them that they are vermin, they are also changed every day so that they lose their sense of individuality. 

Even with this change, I'd say that the scene still conveys how unacceptable and cruel the slavers' treatment was.

There are other changes that I find more concerning. The first is the most inconsequential: why is show!Missandei calling show!Dany khaleesi instead of Your Grace? Only Jorah and her khalasar call her by that title in the books. I suppose this is a Doylist issue since s3!Dany was more recognized as "khaleesi" than "Daenerys" by the audience, but it still goes against their characterizations.

The second is that, as I said in my 3.4 review, this scene would have made more sense in Astapor:

One of the first things Dany had done after the fall of Astapor was abolish the custom of giving the Unsullied new slave names every day. Most of those born free had returned to their birth names; those who still remembered them, at least. Others had called themselves after heroes or gods, and sometimes weapons, gems, and even flowers, which resulted in soldiers with some very peculiar names, to Dany’s ears. Grey Worm had remained Grey Worm. When she asked him why, he said, “It is a lucky name. The name this one was born to was accursed. That was the name he had when he was taken for a slave. But Grey Worm is the name this one drew the day Daenerys Stormborn set him free.” (ASOS Daenerys IV)

Dany still had to choose which freedmen would occupy the ruling council, so I assume she stayed in Astapor for a few days. With that in mind, if abolishing the custom of new slave names was one of the first things Dany did after the fall of Astapor, it's much more likely that she did it there rather than on the march to Yunkai. Why couldn't they have written this scene there? Because seeing her leave Astapor makes for a more visually impressive scene, I guess. As I said before, though, it gives weight to the superficial reading that show!Dany only went to the city, took its military force and left (even if we'll later find out that she also installed a ruling council there in 4.5). Being faithful to the books would've prevented any misconception of this sort from happening.

My third and final issue is that this scene is meant to be of secondary importance in the books. As one can see in ASOS Daenerys IV, it only appears as a brief flashback in the context of a scene in which Dany is seen giving Grey Worm military orders. That's because the focus of the chapter is on Dany's character development as a leader and a military tactician (similar to how ASOS Daenerys VI only shows the conquest of Meereen as a brief flashback in the context of Jorah telling Dany that her "sewer rats" won her the city; that's because the focus of the chapter is less on the adrenaline and victory and more on the aftermath of the sack and its negative consequences, intertwined with Dany's personal problems).

One might argue that we could have had both this scene and show!Dany's character development in the next episodes. However, as I will explain in future reviews, the show writers don't care about show!Dany's character development at all, which is why it becomes enough of an issue for me to bring it up.

*

JORAH: King Robert wanted her dead.

BARRISTAN: Of course he wanted her dead. She's a Targaryen. The last Targaryen.

JORAH: I suppose no one on the small council could speak sense to him.

In this interview with Bryan Cogman, Elio Garcia interprets show!Jorah's actions as if he were "fishing for information about just what Barristan knew about him and his dealings with Varys". That's not an unreasonable guess, but it's another one that does a disservice to Barristan's character. In the books, Barristan only hid information from Dany about Jorah because revealing Jorah's betrayal would mean revealing his identity. If his identity had been already revealed, he would have told her much earlier - that's what happens right after she finds out that he's Barristan Selmy, after all:

“...And since the day you wed Khal Drogo, there has been an informer by your side selling your secrets, trading whispers to the Spider for gold and promises.” (ASOS Daenerys V)

However, because the show writers probably know this, they made another change just as detrimental to Barristan's character:

BARRISTAN: I didn't sit on the small council.

JORAH: No? Doesn't the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard traditionally ...

BARRISTAN: Traditionally, yes, but I killed a dozen of Robert's friends during his rebellion. He didn't want advice on how to govern from a man who had fought for the Mad King. Can't say I minded much. I always hated the politics.

I'm not saying that the Barristan of the books loves the politics or that he's one of the best political players of the books. Far from that. Still, his character development culminates in these realizations:

The gods of Westeros were far away, yet Ser Barristan Selmy paused for a moment to say a silent prayer, asking the Crone to light his way to wisdom. For the children, he told himself. For the city. For my queen. (ADWD The Queensguard)

~

His queen was the Mother of Dragons; he would not allow her children to come to harm. (ADWD The Kingbreaker)

~

"You would break King Hizdahr's peace, old man?"

"I would shatter it." Once, long ago, a prince had named him Barristan the Bold. A part of that boy was in him still. (ADWD The Queen's Hand)

Before Dany, Barristan remained silent as he watched Aerys and Robert committing atrocities and abusing their power. After Dany, he's not only revolting against a bad king (Hizdahr), he's also taking on her anti-slavery cause and declaring war against the slavers. That's character development. Siding with Ned against Dany's death was Barristan’s first (albeit small) act of rebellion and the beginning of an arc that will later lead him to fight against slavery because of the very girl whose murder he opposed.

On HBO, not only we'll never see show!Barristan doing any of this (because he'll be killed off earlier), we are seeing him dismiss the importance of political action, which is the very opposite of the ultimate realization of his book counterpart's arc. And what's worse is that all of these changes are being made for the sake of show!Jorah's character.

*

JORAH: Yeah, I imagine I would, too. Hours spent jabbering about backstabbings and betrayals the world over.

I don't know if show!Jorah reducing politics to "jabbering about backstabbings and betrayals the world over" is necessarily proof that this is what the show writers think. That being said, that dismissal can be considered foreshadowing of how little they will care about adapting Dany's ADWD storyline properly. It can also be interpreted as proof of how they tend to oversimplify the characters according to their basic archetypes. If Jorah and Barristan are warriors, of course they don't care about politics and are friendly with each other (all men are friendly with each other and all women are catty with each other, right? See also: Tyrion/Davos, Jon/Gendry, Sansa/Arya, Dany/Sansa, etc).

BARRISTAN: Mm-hmm. Still, she'll have to wade through that muck if she wants to rule the Seven Kingdoms. She'll have good men around her to advise her, men with experience.

JORAH: Which men do you have in mind?

BARRISTAN: Forgive me, Ser Jorah, for what I'm about to say, but your reputation in Westeros has suffered over the years.

JORAH: It suffered for a reason. I sold men into slavery.

BARRISTAN: I don't know if your presence by her side will help our cause when we go home.

JORAH: Our cause? Forgive me, Ser Barristan, but I was busy defending the khaleesi against King Robert's assassins while you were still bowing to the man.

BARRISTAN: We both want her to rule. Am I wrong?

JORAH: You only joined us a few days ago. I can't speak to your intentions.

BARRISTAN: If we're truly her loyal servants, we will do whatever needs to be done, no matter the cost, no matter our pride.

JORAH: You're not Lord Commander here. You're just another exile. And I take my orders from the queen.

First, I don’t know why the heck would show!Barristan tell show!Jorah rather than show!Dany that Jorah’s presence might not help her cause. Not only it makes him dumb (because show!Jorah obviously wouldn't take that well), it also makes it seem that he likes show!Jorah enough to advise him to leave, which is not true at all in the books, as I've already showed above.

Second, I hate that this exchange makes it seem that show!Jorah feels guilty for selling men into slavery (he doesn't in the books). He was still trying to normalize slavery in 3.1 and 3.3!

*

I know that fandom tends to praise Bryan Cogman for trying to correct plot holes and for paying attention to the books' events and the show's continuity. That knowledge doesn't mean he necessarily understands the characters well - he certainly does not understand Dany well, and this comment is proof of his ignorance:

“Yeah, it’s probably refreshing for Iain Glen! How many times can he explain something about Essos culture to Dany?  ;)”

If he really understood Dany, he would also say that we don't just see Jorah giving Dany knowledge. We also see her retain that knowledge and apply it later, we also see that she has knowledge of her own (because, let's not forget, she has lived in Essos for almost her whole life, certainly for a longer period than Jorah) and we also see her making decisions of her own volition. The misconception that Dany is ignorant and too reliant on the men around her is dismissive of her character, but it unfortunately informs the show's writing of her, for they erase many moments showcasing her intelligence and competence.

He also says that "the Dany stuff is a challenge" because of the lack of material, which is a flimsy excuse - many key scenes of her chapters were cut (see here), even if she doesn't have a lot of chapters in ASOS. Lack of material to adapt was never an issue for anyone in any storyline. The show writers should have been overwhelmed with the amount of material they had and the necessity to select them properly (which they failed to do because they mostly looked at the scenes as plot points).

I'm nitpicking his comments, admittedly, because he also said that (show!)Dany's story is "the rise of a villain". He really doesn't know anything about her.

*

For this review, there's no comment of mine on any Inside the Episode because D&D's Inside the Episode 3.5 doesn't talk about show!Dany's storyline. I'm not commenting on show!Dany's clothes either because she's wearing the same clothes from episode 3.4 and I've talked about them here.

[highladyluck]

The Dark One’s Dictionary: Special Halloween Edition

Selected definitions from "The Dark One's Dictionary", written by various Robert-Jordan-reading members of the usenet discussion group rasfw.

You know what’s spookier than the actual literal embodiment of all evil? The EVIL THAT LURKS IN THE HEART OF MAN and also the bit in The Eye of the World where our heroes almost get eaten by the Black Wind.

Fain, Padan Once a dastardly Darkfriend, now infected by the evil Mashadar of Shadar Logoth, this man would be downright dangerous if he could just figure out who he is. An evil Johnny Appleseed, sowing seeds of suspicion and corruption as he walks across the land.   

[Indigo Girls: "Closer To Fine"]               

              I'm trying to tell you something about my life                Maybe give me insight between Dark and Light                The best thing you ever done for me                Is to help me free my life from Shadar Logoth;                        Twas lonely life, Aridhol                Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable                And lightness has a call that's hard to hear                I cast my fear around me like a blanket                I sailed my ship of hatred till I sank it, I'm trapped by Mashadar.

               Chorus:                I went to the Dark One, I went to his mountain                I looked for the children, I gazed on his fountain                There's more than one person for these actions pointing me in                        a crooked line                The less I seek my source for some definitive                The closer I am to Fain                The closer I am to Fain               

              I went to see the Tower of Aes Sedai                With a triptych of red Bonwhin and a drawing from the west                She never did bonding or use a manly Warder                She fell for my performance, she thought she could see through me                I spent four weeks prostrate to the Amyrlin, got my dagger                And I was free!               

              Chorus               

            I went by the Ways to Toman Head.                To sow dark plans in a High Lord, or possibly an Empress                I wound up using Whitecloaks like I used Darkfriends before                To scourge the Two Rivers, to flay them was the goal                I went in seeking Rand al'Thor.               

            I went to the Dark One, I went to his mountain                I looked for the children, I gazed on his fountain                We went to the Dark One, we went to his mountain                We looked for the children, we gazed on his fountain                Yeah, we're free from the Dark One, we're free from the Shadow                We're free from Aridhol and we hooked up with the Shaido                There's more than one person for these actions pointing me in                        a crooked line                The less I seek my source for some definitive                The closer I am to Fain                The closer I am to Fain                The closer I am to Fain   

"Closer to Fain", composed by Indigo Maidens, from "Songs of the Dragon"

Black Wind, The The evil wind that stalks the Ways, said to have once been a gentle, caressing breeze before being possessed by the soul of Steven King.

Machin Shin 1. The Black Wind; a wind, an evil wind; a wind so evil. Haunts the Ways, Lurks the Ways, the Ways so black, black as your soul. Eats your soul, steals your soul, your soul so sweet, scream as it feeds... (See Black Wind ) 2. A pair of identical leg guards for sok'kher.

Ways, The 1. The methods used by the Questioners to draw confessions out of suspected Darkfriends: We have Ways of making you talk, yes? -- Jaichim Carridin 2.  A gift to the Ogier from the post-breaking male Aes Sedai to which they gave refuge, which the Ogier should have looked into the mouth of, and are now afraid to.   

[William Wordsworth: "She Dwelt Among the Untrodden Ways"] 

             It lurked among the untrodden Ways                        Beyond the gates by grove,                A wind born to that darken'd maze:                        Twas not a child of love.               

            An evil by the Guiding stone,                        Half hidden from the eye.                Dark as the night, when not one light                        Is shining in the sky.               

            It blows alone, and few can know                        How many ceased to be;                But they are in Shadow, and, oh,                        The difference to me!   

Wilim son of Word son of Zworth, famed Ogier poet of Stedding Tofu.

This was a bonus edition, so you’ll get more Third Age Relics tomorrow, November 1st.

[atimefordragons]

@ayzrules tagged me ages ago to find the following words in my wip:  gown, precise, pink, skip, light, tea. Soz for taking so long, I had to dig through years of partially written bullshit to get these and even then I struggled. Gonna cheat and use multiple WIPs, ‘cause I don’t have all these words in a single wip.   

WIP I: From an Ascension story I was working on for my character Élodie I for lunaofthemiste’s Three Kingdoms

Dawn broke over the vast grounds surrounding Álava Castle, bathing the vast greenery in light oranges and purples. Not that Mr. Desroches had time to enjoy it. As steward of the castle, it was his duty to be up before all and prepare the Castle for the day. He had to wake the others, pass out their duties, go over the days menu, determine the schedules of Their Royal Highnesses from their governesses, check in with the guards, pass any overnight letters onto the correct parties. It was a lot of work, occasionally even tedious, but he was proud of his work. There was a never a speck of dust nor a fork out of place. Not a painting that wasn't straight, nor a doorway frayed.

He had just poured himself a nice cup of warm tea when the pageboy from the front gates rushed in, informing him of a rider from the capital, wearing a black armband. And for the first time in his life, Mr. Desroches broke a cup. Tossing aside all other chores and duties left for the day, he rushed through the long cobbled stones of the palace, straight to the room of Ms. Lieves.

WIP II: From a Rhaella story I was working on for @themonsterslut’s Battle of the Seven Kingdoms. I can’t remember the context though, the whole page is just this paragraph. Idk, I think Ceryse tried stealing her dragon egg or destroying it or some shit. Possibly one of her human kids, but like, probably her dragon child. It’s Rhae, let’s be realistic about it. 

Rhaella rolled her eyes and sighed. There had to be a limit to this being civilized bullshit. Fuck you for trying to make me a better person, Domeric. She thought to herself as she smoothed out a crease on her gown, she took a few breaths to push down her anger before speaking again. “I am not the little girl who screamed you are not my mother. I am Lord Vaezoryn. Daughter of dragons, bride of dragons, and mother of dragons. You're a mother, as you claim everything you've ever done has been in the name of my brother. Then what do you propose, as a mother, I should do to you, who has harmed my child?” 

WIP III: From a Vera/Nika/Vasya dynamic story thing that I’ve never really gotten around to finishing. It’s set like 8ish years pre-plot when Vera and Nika were falling in love or something. Idk. 

“She’s not a robot, you know,” Nika pointed out, rolling his eyes at Vasya’s glare. “She has feelings, I’ve even seen her turn pink.”

Vasya narrowed his eyes, trying to decipher the inscrutable expression on his friend’s face. “And under what context did you see that?”

“When you put polonium-210 in her drink last week. She only took a sip of it though.”

“That doesn’t sound right, but sure.”

WIP IV: Another Vera/Vasya/Nika thing, well, minus Nika, more Vasya trying to be a brother for once pre-the whole Elisabeth reveal. It was a whim. Set maybe a year or so before WRC’s main plot. 

“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in.” cooed Vasya, sauntering into Vera’s study without knocking as usual. Vera made a mental note to command Dominika to shoot him the first time he did it once their father passed and she finally ascended the throne. 

“I’ve literally been in here all day.” she commented, rolling her eyes when he took a seat in front of her desk. “And I haven’t left the palace at all in the last few days, so what are you talking about?” 

Vasya shrugged. “I was breaking the ice,” he offered, spinning the mini globe on her desk, grateful she wasn’t trying to make eye contact. 

“Yeah, no, we have a seven hundred foot tall, and three hundred mile long wall made of unmeltable magic ice between us, so skip to the point” 

“Can’t a big brother just check in on his little sister to catch up?” 

“Not you, nor me. What do you want?”

WIP V: A Raya and Aurion story I was working on for Serve or Burn, but that group dying is on me. 

For a moment, her eyes flashed angrily. A repeat of the same, precise argument they've had over and over for the past whatever years. The same furious purple they had always been. But then, after the moment, they softened and Raya sighed. "No. Our love ended before either of them died. When you choose to join the Usurper's hoard. When you chose your father over the Crown."   

oh man it took forever to find all that shit. OKIE DOKIE! I tag: @kzombi3 / @from-sejiou-to-the-stars @podunkcanadian / @lothris @themonsterslut @turquoisesiren @themadmonarchist @maybones @forebodinq to find the following words in your WIP(s): goddess, golden, blood, guilty, fire, and dragon (I had to, good luck nerds) 

[semi-imaginary-place]

fe3h blogging 6 because organizational skills are for losers

oh hey yuri get to join chess club[3:24 PM]balthus DID go to the officers academy twice I’ve been trying to reconcile the route differences... it should be that everything that happens in a different route is also possible in the route you are looking at which ever one that may be. Now all there is is figuring out why those differences exist. or alternately to come up with a probability model to explain those differences. Let’s take the major difference of CF vs VW, AM, and SS. In CF unlike the other routes, Rhea is not captured, she organizes the knights and joins with Faerghus. In CF unlike other routes Byleth chooses to side with Edelgard and Rhea attacks them in the Holy Tomb, this is the only difference. Rhea is incredibly entitled when it comes to Byleth and so takes Byleth’s choice as a deep betrayal as the one who was supposed to be on her side chose not to be. In the battle of Garreg Mach, Rhea then also doesn’t entrust the Church to Byleth. Now how does this connect to Rhea avoiding capture in the battle? It could be she was more on guard after the Holy Tomb in BE, it could be that overall Rhea is likely captured but there is a chance she isn’t. Either way because she isn’t captured, she is there to rally and organize the knight’s of Seiros. In the other routes why didn’t Seteth do it? idk man. The Knights and Faerhgus together are better able to fend off the Empire and with the added security, keep Cornelia, the Agarthans, and Edelgard from framing Dimitri with assassination. Thus in CF Faerghus is in a more unified and powerful position with Rhea running the show. Never quite got why Garreg Mach was abandoned by all the sides given how much the characters talk about its strategic location etc. etc. In SS Rhea degenerates and causes the church to become a rampaging hivemind. Rhea is assumedly also in the palace in AM, but we do meet her in VW. This leads to a few possibilities, either she also dragon degenerated in those routes but the credits roll before we get to see that or she doesn’t. Either way she hold the potential to do so. This is probably the strongest probability argument in the game as we are shown no reason why she does in SS but does not in VW. Rhea is like a ticking time bomb. Maybe they should have blood minstrated like half the church. And then the Agarthans, are they just chilling around underground in AM? yeah, probably. They’re probably back to biding their time just like they have the past 1000 years.

I would like to talk about the three categories by which I evaluate how much I like a character in a series. 1. Personal preference: how much does the character's personality appeal to me on a personal level. Would I want to be friends with this person in real life. Do I just really wish they were real and want them in my life? 2.  Character writing: how well written is the character. How good is their character arc? What is the grade of execution? 3. Role in the story: what do they bring to the series as a whole. If they are a villain, are they a good villain? Comic relief. The Bro character. No matter the archetype, how well is it done. What is their narrative and thematic significance.

Let's look at the 3 Lords of Fire Emblem: Three Houses. Please note that due to the branching story line and the ability of the player to choose the cast, I will not be focusing on a character's role in story as much as I usually do. Edelgard Personal preference: low. Her personality clashes with mine Character writing: high. Three Houses characters in general are well written. Edelgard feels like a person, her behavior is internally consistent, she's always herself. One of her main flaws explored in the game is how Edelgard will tunnel-vision and double down on a decision, a path even when it is no longer the best option. Role: high. In Crimson Flowers and to a lesser extent Silver Snow Edelgard acts as the central character, she drives the story. As the villain in 3/4 routes, Edelgard is incredibly interesting, acting as a counter point to the other Lords as well as to Byleth in Silver Snow.

Dimitri Personal preference: low. At first I didn't care, and then he was just annoying. He was solidly #2 on my to-punch-list in Azure Moon after Gilbert. Character writing: high. Dimitri has the easiest to notice character arc in the game as it is the main focus of Azure Moon. As such the most time is spent on his arc and it is very strong. The journey Dimitri goes on as he struggles with himself and his trauma is well written, its only weakness being that it hinges on the player (me) caring about him (which I do not). Role is the story: medium high. the overarching story of the rightful king reclaiming his throne nicely parallels the story of Dimitri reclaiming himself. Thus the external journey mirrors the internal one. Azure Moon most strongly brings the human element to Three Houses and this is both a strength and a weakness.

Claude Personal preference: very high. I wish I had a Claude in my life. His personality meshes well with mine and my life would be enhanced with the addition of his company. When I say Claude is my favorite, this is the category I am usually talking about. Character writing: high. Claude has the subtlest characterization and character arc of the Lords, this is further obscured due to mischaracterization by the English localization team and English voice actor. The characters in Three Houses in general are brilliant and Claude is no exception. He's complex and multifaceted as any real person is, and seeing him grow in to his own in Verdant Wind is a beautiful thing. Role in story: high. Claude's role in the Three Houses is also very interesting, his objectives especially in White Clouds turns the game into a mystery thriller which is breaking edge for a Fire Emblem Game. Claude's background is also a bit different from the others and so following along his story, you are able to gain perspective and see all of Fodlan for what it really is.

Jeralt personal preference: meh writing: good role: dad

wait. wait. so are the 4 apostles are called saints in the intro, but were they also children of the goddess?  so i can see indech and macuil dipping after the war of heroes and cethalenn went into a regenerative coma so that takes her and cihol out of the picture, but where were the 4 apostles during the war?  and why does balthus' pants have a specially colored patch for his crotch.  ... did balthus go to the academy twice?  dimitri really went “i’d be nice to just sink into the earth you know” huh. i just started cindered shadows so i can't really comment but... the whole "abyss is necessary for garreg mach" is such horse shit. like oooohhhhh we must have an oppressed underclass to maintain our standard of living.  why do the ashen wolves even exist. its not like there's a school down there and yet a bunch of people have uniforms.  its not like they took some of the officer's academy uniforms either. why waste resources making custom uniforms? oh hey yuri get to joisn chess club. balthus DID go to the officers academy twice. I wonder what happened to Constance. Also hello??? Intsys you have a kidnapping and torture as backstory problem, especially when its happening to female characters. Hapi get’s kidnapped, tortured and then imprisoned, no wonder the life has left her eyes. Also I don’t trust this Aelfric dude. He set up the ashen wolves “house”, but wouldn’t those resources be better spent on food and medicine. nepotism ho! your parent were good so you must be too

anyone else find Jeralt and Sitri's relationship a little weird. Hundreds of years old dude romances incredibly sheltered 19 year old with little life experience. and she and alfric idolized Jeralt when they were young. sitri was born in 1139 and died 1159 from childbirth.  I mean yeah Sitri's an adult and totally consenting and loving, and the relationship is pretty cute and sweet, but.... its kinda weird.... Like when you hear about a 30 year old dating a 60 year old, everyone's well into adulthood, they're consenting adults who can do whatever they want,  i have no objections,... but its still kinda weird. WHAT'S WORSE IS THAT THEY DEVS HAD LITERALLY NO REASON TO DO THIS they could have made her any age they wanted to. She could have been 35. but nooooo they didn't do that

the part that bothered me about maneula's writing. Is how the writers talk down on her for having emotions. You see this strongly in the hanneman+manuela paralogue. Where they make her do something impulsive which has negative consequences, which is fair. But then the game punishes her for being too emotional. "being too emotional" now where have i heard that critique before. This is especially in contrast to the game praising hanneman's intellectual rationality. how do i say this... whenever hanneman and manuela argue the game always takes hanneman's side and is overly harsh on manuela.  Oh hanneman is right that she should not have run off after a rumor about the death knight like that, but its the framing of the scene that bothers me.

the way people talk about the abyss reminds me of the goldfish bowl metaphor. the abyss provides sanctuary, but in it thye are also trapped. huh so edelgard doesn’t recognize dimitri. people sure do like aelfric, reminds me of a cult of personality, but it seems so genuine... A great rhea’s golems are back. they talk!! I was just joking about people’s souls being bound in there!!! aelfric is one of the cardinals!!!!! I've been trying to find these dude for months!!!!! you hear these lines going on and on about the cardinals. oh. he’s part of the seiros hivemind then. hey kids. if he’s a cardinal than the church probably already knows. this don’t tell the church stuff sounds like a trap. that letter is suspicious af. yuri clearly wants something, but what is he up to,,,

Yeah.. it really sounds like the 4 apostles were nabateans, but if that were so are constance, hapi, balthus, and yuri really descended from them? the 4 saints bloodlines in adrestia are from those gifted blood by the saints. yet i do believe the 4 apostles fled to different corners of fodlan, what remains in question is only if there in their new homes they gave blood (like rhea did to save jeralt), or actually did have kids.

i cant believe balthus got put on the bus via giant bird. ah so aelfric and yuri are cooperating with the agarthans. thats what they were up to. wow yuri really is fandom claude, i can still hear those idiots complaining that claude wasn’t up to anything and that he didn’t betray byleth. huh so yuri is struggling with split loyalty and the solution he came up with was to help aelfric but give byleth hints. 

constance calling the holy mausoleum a wretch hovel in on par with sylvain calling the dining hall filthy. huh so that was what yuri was planning. wasn’t expecting the double agent ploy.

so this does not take away from aelfric's decisions, but if rhea hadn't been a coward and just buried sitri instead of keeping her is storage where anyone could find her, this never would have happened. who know's maybe aelfric would have still made horrible decisions, but not this one horrible decision.

wait wait wait. rhea, what happened last time you used the chalice to try and resurrect sothis. what beast was created then? wait wait. nemesis dies and sothis’ heat and bones were retrieved in 91. the blood chalice ritual happened in 185. That’s enough time for rhea to have conducted her first experiment implanting the creststone into someone and having them live out their full life.

 prior to cindered shadows i thought claude had 2 given names much like many real world people of dual identity do (multiracial people, chinese americans, japanese americans, etc.), so claude is his name but he also has an almyran name. now though I am leaning towards the idea that claude is a name he took up upon entering fodlan given what he says to balthus at first and the presence of a claudia riegan in the past. from the feast of decadence: where is boramas? and i hope the bit about watching northern swordsmen ripped apart by wild animals at dinner was a play or something. why do books end up in the abyss anyways. why not burn them throughly. rhea certainly knows people have been living down there.  i wonder who built abyss. its older than garreg mach for sure.  real ironic how the blue lions idolize loog when he was an agarthan pawn not unlike edelgard.  rhea's choice contributed to the power imbalance between sreng and duscur compared to faerghus chevalier became village elder and gave everyone blood during wars. half got crests half turned into demonic beasts. that solves that. 1/4 down

i can’t believe aubin almost died in a ditch before yuri’s mom saved them. well that’s one more person with a really long life span

balthus: describing "bashbros" me: its called a life partner. "Balthus became son-in-law to the great commander, Nader" ... what. also why is the balthus yuri pairen ending the only one balthus ends up broke and on the street in. also where's my holst supports. scratch that. WHERE IS HOLST. oh yeah and you all were crying about byleth potentially outliving everyone, well yuri does too

ashen wolves supports that should have happened. Balthus: Manuela. Yuri: Mercedes. Hapi: Ignatz, Petra, Claude. Constance: Lorenz

Also let judith be a playable character. Claude and balthus already have like half a support with her.

why do feel like yuri and sylvain would be a disaster. and disaster in that they'd hurt each other's feelings

claude whenever balthus opens his mouth: shut up shut up shut up. shut up and go away. goddess. please. no. i enjoy seeing claude annoyed more than i probably should

me taking the fe3h developers by the shoulders and shaking them furiously: WHY DON'T CLAUDE AND HAPI GET A SUPPORT. THEY EVEN BOTH HAVE CELESTIAL MOTIFS!  claude would also empathize with hapi as an outsider of sorts, as well as both sharing a desire to explore the world.  i think the riegan crest and timotheus crest got mixed up in development. in tarot readings the moon is associated with darkness, an unclear mind, madness, creativity etc. it suits "dark dragon" far more than "star dragon". but that doesn't explain why claude gets the unique combat art Fallen Star me one again taking the fe3h developers by the shoulders and shaking them furiously: WHY DON'T YURI AND ASHE HAVE A SUPPORT!! THE APPARENTLY ALREADY KNOW EACH OTHER. THEY HAVE SIMILAR BACKGROUNDS. THEY'RE BOTH FROM FAERGHUS. THEIR BATTLE DIALOG SAYS MEANS THEY WANT TO BE FRIENDS

No bathus/manuela support either LET THEM MAKE POOR LIFE CHOICES TOGETHER. Balthus can have a little milf, as treat

...  yuri is very pretty in part 2

Edelgards biggest flaws are her desire for control and her stubborness or the way she will double down on a decision and refuse to budge. Claude's biggest flaws are his inability to trust, and showing his hand too late. A bit more on that last part. A large part of Claude's strategies involve downplaying his side and biding his time. This strategy is especially weak though to an aggressive opponent like Edelgard who can bulldoze him before he has time to play out his plan. Part of the problem is that Claude is very reactive but not very proactive (its one of the reasons I like pairing him with Edelgard and Petra). He won't just go for something the way Edelgard does, he's wait for the right opportunity. This difference you can also see in how the deal with the Church. Edelgard declares war on them because she thinks they are the root of Fodlan's social problems and need to be taken down. She makes a decision she believes in and readies herself for the consequences. Claude actually believes much of the same (The Church is the root of Fodlan's problems) but would much rather avoid those consequences (fall out with the Church). You see in Verdant Wind he will make use of the Church because the are useful. He's even willing to spout Church rhetoric and propaganda (Byleth as a Church symbol) if it suits his end goal of transferring power to an individual who will shape Fodlan's future to his liking (he does have an altruistic and humanitarian goal much like Edelgard). However in doing so he risks empowering the Church even more. In short Claude will put up a facade that he doesn't agree with on an ideals level and so is always in danger of that facade becoming real and failing his goals. yeah so claude character development has him learning to trust and being more proactive in his goals. so i like pairing him with characters that put him on a similar growth trajectory

wait how are the Fetters of Dromi (Aubin) and Vajra-Mushi (Chevalier) around simultaneously with Aubin and Chevalier. Aubin was last seen 20 years ago and the tales of elder giving blood don’t seem ancient, so were they recently killed?

ok if the vajra-mushi is a replica, what’s it a replica of? that implies an original. and its still able to turn people into demonic beasts. how????

unpopular opinion: I hate seteth. his face pisses me off and every time he opens his mouth I want to punch him. please die.

You know... i'd expected someone to have written a modern au of felix and sylvain being roommates with unresolved sexual tension.... but no its been 9 months and I haven't seen anything. Oh I've seen roommates where its like the new and uncomfortable experience of sharing space with someone you dont know and I've seen modern au where they are childhood friends. But i seriously have not seen the specific scenario where they are childhood friends AND roommates. Like... uuugh its just sylvain. But also uuggh its just sylvain?!? Maybe I'll just have to do it myself... but im no good at writing... 

What if glenn was 160cm but the kids never noticed (except sylvain) because they're so much younger

I want a spin off fighting game starring ferdinand and caspar. Honestly i just wanted to see ferdinand get into a fistfight with someone like in his support

On a fandom level I think the golden deer are the least popular for a number of reasons:

1. some of the characters only reveal their depth in supports and paralogues. Or in other words you must seek out these character to get to know them. Ex: Lorenz, Leonie, Ignatz. I mean without doing their supports you'd never know that Ignatz is the smoothest out of the Golden Deer the the most likely to get a date. If Sylvain is a poser, Ignatz is the real deal 2. Related to the above the writing sometimes relies too heavily on a character gimmick. Ex: Raphael, and Lysithea to a degree 3. Compared to other houses there are less established dynamics. Other characters (Linhardt and Caspar, BL childhood friend squad, etc.) can play off of each other and this can make them more emotionally accessible to a player. In the beginning especially the golden deer act more like co-workers than friends, they are the least cohesive as a house (which means their growth is that much more delicious). 4. the golden deer route in general is less popular and some characters don't appear in other routes so the sheer amount of exposure these characters get is less than other houses. a lot of people in the "fandom" have only played one or 2 routes and those usually include either azure moon or crimson flower/silver snow. people will also just delete or add things to characters.

OK Jp audio thoughts: tiny grandma sothis Alois is gravelier and yells a lot  I've been replaying the line where claude giggles in the jp audiio. How do i record audio ignatz is such a BABY in the japanese version. Like a small bunny Edelgard sounds more princessy Claude is more light hearted, less sassy more... boyish? like that one old school boy character trope that used to be a main character thing and is now more a side character thing eng dimitri more yell-y and feral.  jp dimitri is a lot more subdued and dead inside. but the delivery of the lines makes what he is saying all the more disturbing. dissonant serenity.

your path lies across my grave is such a raw line

Why did yuri get a different part 2 sprite.  he should age the same rate jeralt did. And in his paired ending with byleth? He apparently looks about the same after decades

Hilda and catherine would be EXCELLENT war masters if the devs weren't sexist

So almyra's big. We don't know how big. Fodlan is 2/3 of europe and almyra is bigger so i imagine there's a diverdity of biomes. I imagine the south coast is mediterranian. But that hinges on how subtropical adrestia is. Medditerranian climates are most common at 30-40 lattitude. The map of almyra we can see on the map is the same lattitude as faerhgus. This could be the greenest part of Almyra. I imagine almyra has both hot and cold deserts with a large plain covering the center. The rest would be scrubland/chaperral. All we know is that claude grew up somewhere with no big trees. I imagine that almyran government is more meriocratic than fodlan but that may vary region to region. I have an idea for both a centralized and decentralized almyra. Each regions leader is like the strongest most organized person around. A bit of nepotism may be involved. The exception would be the coast region which is more sedentary (some parts of almyra are semi nomadic) and may have a republic. Decentralized almyra would work kinda like the eu or us with seperate nations and a mediator for when almyra needs to act as a whole. That mediator aids negotions between regions and keeps things together. Mediator would be a council/appointed position. In a centralized almyra there still wouldn't be a monarachy. The king would choose a sucessor. So the king's kid would have a better chance than anyone but its no garuntee. I like the idea that like the 30 closeat relatives has a last one standing system as part of the selection system. This would allow for a dynastic style if ruling where there's a ruling clan but not direct line of descent 

Everyone keeps drawing older felix with long hair but I'm half convinced that 3 years post game he just lops,it off one day or gets a buzzcut

So a lot of people including me have long suspected Claude had an Almyran name and the validation right now just feels so great. Khalid!  Given his dialog in cindered shadows I think its more likely Khalid is the name his parents gave him and Claude is the name he took up upon coming to Fodlan

Things have never been easy for Claude, he says in his s support that he's going, to do it (the whole game/war) all over again. It's heavily implied that things to not end well for Claude outside of VW. i don't think the Almyrans would value a surrender to a fodlander tho. Claude in VW proves his competence as a military commander and leader by controlling all of fodlan. Its stated in some of his paired endings that the current king has some say in who the next king is as Claude had to earn his father's approval to ascend the throne. Don't forget that the general Almyran populace hates Claude. He has to prove himself by their standards before any respect is given and in SS/CF/AM he doesn't do that. Remember that the Fodland stereotype is of cowards and that Almyra values spectacles of strength/fighting prowess over tactical efficiency (invading fodlan's throat isn't for the purpose of gaining land/etc. its for the warriors to show off how strong they are), so they wouldn't value strategically weakening your nation (leicester) to stave off imperial invasion, to them that just looks like cowardice and incompetance. not only that he endangered and wasted Almyran soldiers in fighting a foreign war. Remember that no one really knows about Claude's plans outside of VW, he keeps his cards (too) close to his chest, and in non-VW routes the facade of weakness becomes a reality and all his schemes crumble. and he has little to show for his time in fodlan. Claude is less likely to experience character growth outside of VW, but I think there is potential for Claude's character growth outside of VW. One reason for this I'm just not a fan of Byleth's dating sim powers where everyone just falls head over heels for them. For every character and especially the lords, Byleth acts as a catalyst for the character's growth, but Claude (of the lords) is the least dependent on Byleth so I do believe he could have found some of the connections seen in VW if not to that extent. (also I'm a sucker for found family)[4:22 PM]But Byleth does act as the heart and glue of the golden deer so things wouldn't be that great for Claude and co 

So we cam see both turkic and persian influences in almyra but I've always wondered at the balance. From the turkic side we have the warrior culture and horse riding. This is also where my speculations on a nomadic society and non monarchy forms of government come from. Also note turkic (central asia, like the mongols) and not turkish (one of the turkic ethnicities). On the other side is ancient persia which was a center of science, technology and learning, a materially wealthy empire with imperial dynasties. These are very different and so balancing headcanons has always been challenging to honor both sides. You can see people are all over the spectrum in fandom.

Me shaking dorothea by the shoulders: YOU ARE VALID. I AM PROUD OF WHAT YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED. EAT THE RICH

im a caught between the dual desires of seeing sylvain succeed at something and be really cool, and seeing sylvain publicly make a fool of himself. sylvain miserable for mundane reasons is such a good look. I pin Sylvain in a headlock and force 2 gallons of respect women juice down his throat

In any universe. Claude's weekly schedule would fill me with terror.

Leonie and dorothea both have "I know a guy" vibes

A while ago I complained that the fodlan calendar doesn’t make sense. Why does the year begin on month 4? Well I recently got around to reading through the abyss library and it confirms that fodlan used to be on the gregorian calendar with months 1-12 lining up with our january-december which in a lot of countries are just month/moon 1-12 and then seiros and the church brought in a new calendar system (imperial year and "___ Moon" naming system). so combined with the other hints from the agarthans (un symbol, ICBMs, etc.), pretty much confirms that fodlan is indeed a post apocalyptic modern world. So the weird calendar system DOES have an in universe justification!

[polyadvice]

Does Zinnia play D&D?

As a reminder, I’m celebrating 1,000 posts by taking a break from polyamory related questions and taking questions about literally anything else. Submit your non-polyam questions here! You can blacklist the tag “1kcelebration” if you don’t want non-polyamory-related posts on your dash.

Have you ever played Dungeons & Dragons? What's your opinion of the game and subculture surrounding it? If you could be any fantasy character, what race and/or class would you choose?

Ooh, I have such Feelings about D&D. Starting around age nine, I got really into online forum roleplaying, which was a lot like D&D minus any of the stats, numbers, etc. I was huge into this hobby and by the time I was in middle school I would spend hours and hours on the family computer writing these elaborate characters and stories.

My parents hated this, and were always on me to “get out of the house” and “make friends,” two things I found quite difficult to do. There was, however, a board game and tabletop roleplaying store within walking distance of my house, and I very much wanted to be allowed to go hang out there and play Dungeons & Dragons. I was also a huge fan of the comic Something*Positive, which includes a lot of D&D stuff. Unfortunately for both me and my parents, my mom believed in the absurd urban legend that D&D made kids kill themselves. (Hilariously, this bizarre fear mongering stemmed from Evangelical Christianity, a community and an ideology my mom hated with a passion - but she somehow caught wind of their nonsense, stripped of the context that would have led her to reject it, and she fully believed that letting me play D&D would have been dangerous.)

I still have some resentment about this, because kid-me would have absolutely loved D&D, and would have been amazing at it. I have a knack for character improv and worldbuilding, and I would have likely “found my community.” I was a sad and lonely kid, and it would have been amazing for me. I also would have gotten into it when my brain was more malleable and I was better able to internalize the complicated structure and rules of the game. I’d be absolutely kick-ass at it as an adult now that the milieu is very pro-D&D. But, alas, I was dealt different cards.

As an adult, I decided to finally get into it. I’ve played Pathfinder, D&D, and VTM systems. I love the narrative and character and worldbuilding parts, but I still can’t get a good grip on all the fiddly bits. I frequently end up with complete ‘weenie’ characters because I don’t care enough to actually make use of the skills and powers I could have. I find combat in D&D excruciatingly boring and I’m not interested in maximizing my ability to do anything combat related. I like the idea of magic but playing a spellcasting character overwhelms me with all the crap to keep track of. I spend far more time writing out an elaborate backstory and personality for my character than fussing about the character sheet. This is probably because of the forum roleplaying I cut my teeth on, and because I don’t have years of practice or a nostalgic connection to the actual D&D system. Playing with hardcore or experienced D&D players is usually frustrating for me and for them.

But I still love everything else - the maps, the characters, the dice, the mini figurines, the art. I actually like DMing more than being a PC, because I get to make up towns and shops and stories and NPCs, and I can decline to fuss about things I don’t find interesting. I’ve been slowly working on my own tabletop RP system with its own world, its own character creation and its own magic system. The goals are to be narrative-driven, heavy on character and light on combat, and to give the players incentive to explore the world and flexibility to be creative with their magic. I’m lucky enough to have a partner who’s also interested in game design, so it’s been a fun project to do with him.

I do have to state for the record that I still love and adore forum RPing, though the community/culture of the hobby has gone through some changes in the last few years that are leaving me feeling a bit Eternal-September-ed. I also strongly recommend simpler, “one-page” style RPGs like Lasers and Feelings and related ‘hacks’ thereof. These sorts of games have a much lower barrier to entry and can be amazing for people who might otherwise feel overwhelmed or left out by more complex systems (like the youth I work with!) I have written some pre-made ‘modules’ and ‘kits’ for L&F and really love running games with it. Tabletop roleplaying can be amazingly powerful as a therapeutic tool. It’s being used to help young people develop confidence and social skills, it’s popular in prisons, it’s just awesome.

As for the “subculture surrounding” the game, I feel kind of the same way a lot of us ‘older nerds’ feel seeing this renaissance. It’s awesome seeing this cool, fun thing get more respect and recognition, but it’s also bittersweet to see something that had always been for “outsiders” suddenly be taken up by people who have never been on the outside. I got bullied mercilessly for loving high fantasy books and movies by the same types of people who go nuts for Game of Thrones these days, and this feels a bit similar. There’s an “in crowd” for D&D now, with the famous podcasters and all that, and while I don’t begrudge anyone their entertainment or success, it feels complicated for me personally, especially since part of me feels robbed of an early “in.” But, it does mean lots of Etsy sellers and other folks making super cool custom dice, minifigs, and other cool stuff, so that’s neat. In all, I’d say that although I might have some complicated personal feelings about D&D and its culture, in general, it’s pretty great.

If I could be any fantasy character, I would be a Halfling Druid. Even before I got into D&D, I was a huge Lord of the Rings fan, and I’ve always known I was meant to be a Hobbit. I’m a homebody who loves cozy spaces, good food, running around barefoot, and chillin with my friends near a creek, maybe hitting that pipeweed. I love animals and nature and it would be awesome to have an animal companion, be able to communicate with them, or shift into an animal shape that would let me scamper, swim, or fly. I can’t imagine a more perfect life for me.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Marvel Universe LIVE: Age of Heroes Thoughts

I just got back from seeing the Marvel Universe LIVE: Age of Heroes stage show at London’s O2 Arena and thought I’d share my thoughts on it.

The first thing I have to acknowledge is that I am absolutely not the target audience for this thing even a little bit.

The target audience is at absolute minimum 5 and at a huge push maybe 12 years old, with 8-10 probably being the sweet spot.

It’s essentially for kids who’ve seen the MCU, the 2010s cartoons, played the most child friendly video games, picked up the sticker books and so forth. If there were any winks to the comics or deep cuts me and my friend (who’ve both been around the block many times when it comes to comics) either didn’t catch them or they might’ve been unintentional.

But what exactly is this?

Simply put it is a stage show that runs under 2 hours (including an intermission) in which a group of heroes engage in stunts and acrobatics in a bare bones story wherein they tangle with Nebula, the Ravagers (including Yondu) and most chiefly Loki across some famous Marvel locations for control of the mystical item, the Wand of Watoomb (which debuted in ASM Annual #2!).

The heroes in question are:

·         Doctor Strange

·         Star Lord

·         Gamora

·         Rocket Racoon

·         Drax the Destroyer

·         Groot

·         Spider-Man

·         Captain America

·         Iron Man

·         Thor

·         Bruce Banner/the Hulk

·         Black Widow

·         Wasp (Hope? Janet? It is unclear)

·         Black Panther

·         And a surprise guest appearance from Iron Fist

There are also some other more minor characters of note too:

·         The Chitauri who act as Loki’s soldiers

·         Green Goblin

·         Rhino

·         Lizard

·         Electro

·         And Black Cat

Sans the Chitauri the latter villains only appear briefly in a battle just there to introduce Spidey and the Avengers (sans Iron Fist, Hulk and Doctor Strange) on stage.

The scenario is Green Goblin is committing a crime in NYC that Spider-Man shows up to stop but is then attacked by Black Cat and soon the other Spidey villains. Ultimately outnumbered and out gunned that’s when the Avengers show up to help.

From there Doctor Strange shows up to inform them that Nebula got her hands on the wand and it’s teleporting her somewhere on Earth (this was all shown earlier in the show during the introduction to the Guardians and Ravagers). With Banner’s help they narrow the locations down to K’un-Lun and Antarctica.

As the Guardians head to Knowhere to get one of the Collector’s items that will be able to take them to the wand, the Avengers split into two groups and head to both locations.

The K’un-Lun team consists of Thor, Iron Man, Wasp and Doctor Strange and the Antarctic team consists of Spidey, Cap, Black Widow and Black Panther.

They plan to bring in Bruce/Hulk if the situation gets really dire, but little do they know Loki has invade Avengers Tower in New York and captured Bruce, casting a spell on him that prevents him from getting angry and thus transforming.

Part 1 concludes with the K’un-Lun team fighting Loki who uses his magic to bring a statue of a dragon (who is clearly meant to be Shou-Lao the Undying) to live. The dragon in turn animates a group of stone soldiers to fight the Avengers who’s abilities are ineffective against them. That’s when Iron Fist appears to help out. Deducing that beating the dragon will enable them to beat the soldiers, Iron Fist ends it and the soldiers are defeated soon after. Unfortunately Loki still captures the Avengers.

In Part 2 the Guardians manage to beat the Ravagers (who are also after Rocket’s bounty) and find what they need to get to Earth.

Meanwhile the second Avengers team have found themselves in the Savage Land and the natives are not pleased to see them. Nebula is teleported there but Spider-Man webs the wand out of her (and everyone else’s) reach thus prompting a battle to reach it in time. The good guys win and use the wand’s power to take them to the other Avengers, unaware they are captured in Loki’s throne room on Asgard.

Loki soon captures everyone but thanks to Rocket’s especially dangerous big gun most of the heroes are freed. The big exception is Bruce. This is a problem because only he can penetrate the force field protecting the wand and avert disaster. Unfortunately his own prison cell won’t open.

The heroes then resolve to use a device Iron Man talked about way back in their introductory battle. In short through the power of combined positive thoughts Iron Man’s device can unleash a powerful burst of energy. The heroes (and the audience) send their positive thoughts and succeed in releasing Banner and unleashing the Hulk who saves the day.

Good guys win. Bad guys lose. The crowd claps and cheers as the actors pose and bow. Hulk and Groot squabble.

Based upon everything above you might be thinking this show is rather...well lame.

However it is in fact really, really fun!

As is so often the case with stage shows you have to actually see them (and really in person) to appreciate them, reading a summary or even a script doesn’t do them justice.

As basic and simple as the plot and characters are (we never see the heroes out of costume for instance) it is all service of the point of the show.

Cool stunts, acrobatics, fight choreography and set pieces with some of your favourite super heroes.

On that front the show is a rousing success and the story mostly works towards that end. You want deep thoughtful Marvel storytelling that’s the movies and the comics. You want just pure superhero fun, this is it.

I guess you could argue the writing could be better because it gives little in the way of stuff for the adults inevitably dragged to this by their kids like many Pixar films succeed in doing.

And yes that would have made this stage show better. Better...but not good. After all where is it written that a stage show made specifically to entertain children and just children is bad merely because it doesn’t seek to do more than that, let alone when it totally succeeds?

The stunt work, acrobatics and effects mind you are not Cirque du Soleil or anything. But they are great for what they are. Almost everything in the fight scenes works for instance, stand outs for me being the Spidey fighting his villains (especially Felicia), Black Cat vs. Black Widow (has that ever even happened in canon?), Black Panther vs. the Rhino, Cap fighting whilst on a motorcycle (I felt  the kicks!), Spidey’s own motorcycle stunts (the only time Spidey on a bike has ever been cool), Gamora vs. Nebula and everything with Iron Fist.

The only nitpick I have regarding the fights is that occasionally one character might be off to the side tossing their hands around and stamping for no reason because it isn’t their turn to get involved in the action yet. This happened with Electro actually, I don’t know why. Maybe they felt if they had him actually attack when the heroes were otherwise occupied the villains would just win.

Again though it’s a nitpick. As is the fact that when they introduce us to the Savage Land they reused stock background footage from the ‘Walking with Dinosaurs’ show that played at the O2 Arena earlier this year. To let you appreciate just how much of a nitpick this is, I’m pretty sure I was the only audience member to notice this and that’s purely because by coincidence I saw that very show way back in January.

One final nitpick which is really just me is that the gesticulations the actors make and larger than necessary body movements kind of ruined my emersion a little bit, but that’s probably a necessity for this show.

None of the stage performers were really talking, their dialogue had all been pre-recorded by professional voice actors (Cree Summers and Fred Tatasciore being the more obvious ones I caught) and if their costumes revealed their mouths they just lip-synched. As such those over the top gestures are probably an important part of the performance of the show to bring the characters to life considering there isn’t a single person acting in the role. Plus you need some way of communicating emotions (however simplistic) to the audience through distance (the O2 Arena is huge) and costumes.

Since I know so little about stage productions in general and I’m clearly not the real target demographic for this show (nor do I have children of my own so I can’t even really envision their mindset) I’m just going to talk about the stuff I liked and disliked.

To be honest the only thing I honestly disliked were the Guardians. The Guardians films are wonderful but the unintended consequence of their success is that every iteration of the Guardians thereafter (be it video games or sticker books) based themselves upon the movies. It’s not just that that gets repetitive since there isn’t as much material to draw from but it also has the unfortunate effect of making the Guardians kind of caricatures of themselves. The Guardians movies to be blunt do place the 5 main Guardians within clear cut archetypes and then builds upon that. In other media though they really are just reduced to those archetypes.

Star Lord be the cocky leader who can at times be less smooth than he’d like.

Gamora is the serious warrior woman who rolls her eyes at the antics of her team mates and has a rivalry with her sister.

Drax is also a serious warrior but more direct and there is the gag that he takes things totally literally.

Rocket is the snarky and short tempered one.

Groot is the heavy who prefers to be a gentle giant and is Rocket’s BFF.

Because they have been like that in EVERYTHING sans the MCU it’s like watching an old cartoon from the 80s or something where you know exactly what every character is going to do and how they are going to do it because everything is so stock.

In this production that’s not really that big of a problem since everyone is so simplistic and the spectacle is really the entire point. But for me personally I did just get a little bored with their scenes whereas with the Avengers I was at least curious how they were going to do Thor, Cap, Black Panther, etc. Even if their take was what was most likely and little different to most other media to feature these characters in current pop culture, there was just more there for me.

Seeing Banner used as the tech guy but also secret weapon hasn’t been done to death or the only direction you could realistically have expected for the character to have gone in this. And that’s owed to the Hulk having a long and rich history in the comics and other media from which to draw from. The Guardians technically have that, but they were so minor before the film, the simplistic takes based on the film became the default and I knew that within five seconds. Hence their scenes felt like going through the motions whenever they were talking.

Everything else in the show though I really enjoyed. I’m not going to call out the show for doing Green Goblin, Lizard or Black Cat wrong because the nature of the show simply didn’t demand it. the project called for some recognizable and colourful Spider-Man villains that could be practically realized on stage and fight the Avengers. Venom comes with baggage and is kind of too similar to Spider-Man is spectacle is all you are going for and Doc Ock or Scorpion would’ve been way too expensive. So who else are you going to have lead the villains besides the Goblin, who’s abilities allow for aerial stunts and the like? Felicia I grant you could’ve been switched out for the Shocker or someone, maybe they felt they should have at least one other female villain somewhere in the show besides Nebula.

I didn’t care though. Seeing Felicia at all in other media is generally a treat for me and seeing her realized in live action for the first time ever (in a comic book accurate outfit no less) just put a grin on my face as did seeing her duel with Black Widow.

In fact the entire Spider-Villain brawl was the highlight of the show for me and I didn’t even know it was going to be in the thing. As each villain showed up me and my friend were squealing under our breaths. If only they’d had one more villain though we could’ve gotten ourselves a Sinister Six.

How about Spider-Man himself? He was mostly done well too. Now he was obviously influenced by the USM cartoon version of Spider-Man so he sounded like Drake Belle...but a way more tolerable not really annoying Drake Belle. There was also only one moment in the show he was made to look the buffoon. Technically there was another when he was figuring out how to ride the motorcycle but that was an excuse for some impressive stunt work so it’s forgivable.

Speaking of stunt work...they straight up had Spider-Man swinging around the stage at various points, coming close to the audience and thwipping at times! It was spectacular and sensational. He even had an aerial tussle with the Goblin on his glider. That officially makes this more successful than Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark in that regard. They seemed to save Spider-Man swinging around for big moments of the show too, like they knew that was going to be the most impressive thing about it.

They also mercifully didn’t make Spider-Man sellout to the Avengers or Iron Man in any way. Iron Man isn’t treated as his Dad and he and Spider-Man barely talk to one another. Equally whilst Spider-Man is an Avenger in this and is rescued by them, it’s exactly once and he is shown to hold his own as an equal with any of the team. In fact he’s arguably the MVP of the Savage Land battle when he gets the wand.

He also has the best line of the show and one of the best I’ve ever heard from Spider-Man in general. I’m paraphrasing but it goes like this when he’s addressing Nebula (IIRC) after removing the wand from her:

“With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility. And you don’t seem like the responsible type.”

I question how 55 years of Spider-Man comics elapsed with the character never saying that before this stage show!

Besides Spider-Man the character I enjoyed the most in this was Iron Fist.

I’m not a huge Iron Fist fan, I actually find him kind of pointless whenever he’s not teamed up with Luke Cage. But the mere fact that he showed up at all, that the producers cared enough to use him when he hasn’t been in a movie and kids would only know him from the USM cartoon showed there was a respect underlying the production of this show.

More poignantly these less than 30 minutes of stage time Iron Fist got in this did him better than the entire 13 agonizing hours of his Netflix show and to be honest even his much improved second season. The bare minimum anyone wanted out of this character was him to wear the suit, light up his fist and kick pull off some cool martial arts moves.

Netflix instead gave us boardroom politics for practically a whole season whilst this stage show nailed it in 5 seconds. The action choreography was especially great with him in fact and whilst his costume was unique to anything I’ve seen in the comics it captured the gist of his comic book outfits. In fact I’d go so far as to say that this might be the best Iron Fiat outfit ever!

Hulk and Groot were well realized through actors using stilts and I’m actually surprised they made Hulk the show stopper. The whole show was building towards his transformation. Maybe they just realized if he was always there they’d win too easily. I prefer to think the producers just liked Hulk that much.

Over here in the UK, obviously the MCU is big. But for most of the last 50 odd years Spider-Man and Hulk were far and away the most popular Marvel characters. Maybe that’s why they got the best moments in the show?

Iron Man was also used quite well. They respected that because he’s the most famous/popular MCU star not called Spider-Man they had to give him one big moment, but he didn’t steal the show or save the day or get more attention (outside of that moment) than anyone else the way it was too often in the MCU.

His big moment came from when the showmakers apparently either really liked the Happiness Gun from Maximum Carnage or really liked the Spirit Bomb from Dragon Ball Z because Tony’s super positive thoughts device was essentially the same concept.

[ink-logging]

More Superhero Comics, Revealing My Reactionary and Facile Engagement with Art as Little More Than the  Accrual of Social Capital, Benefiting Nobody But Myself, 4/7/19

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Vol. 4: The Tempest #5 (of 6), Alan Moore, Kevin O’Neill, Ben Dimagmaliw, Todd Klein: This is an often very funny issue, set up like a pasted-together UK edition of old US pre-Code horror and crime comics, which, in addition to being funny, plumps up the page count as the plot moves maybe two or three tics forward in advance of the very-last-issue-of-LoEG-ever. The conservative in me wonders why we’re being this digressive in the penultimate number of the entire saga, but then -- at least since “The Black Dossier” -- this project has been more about positioning various strands of fiction and their accrued cultural baggage against one another than telling a propulsive adventure story. Anyway: the realm of Faerie, having easily survived an attempted nuclear strike on the collective imagination by a military-corporate black ops fiction squad comprised entirely of various revamps of James Bond, has brought in every character from every game, comic, cartoon, TV show, movie and book reality with everything for a HUGE apocalypse! 

Scenes of bedlam involve: the life story of Victorian painter and murderer Richard Dadd; cameos by Stardust the Super Wizard and David Britton’s Lord Horror; the oeuvre of musician Warren Zevon, brought to terrifying life; a Corbenesque image of a nude muscleman’s massive dick flapping into battle in 3-D; Mick Anglo’s Captain Universe, presented by Moore in unmistakable evocation of his own Marvelman/Miracleman stories of decades ago; a ghost wearing the word CRIME on his head a la Charles Biro’s Mr. Crime, the greatest American comic book horror host; at least one figure from the annals of racist caricature firing powerful sound waves from his mouth; a monster named Demogorgon, the leviathan of Populism, which the heroes allegorically cross as a footbridge en route to a safehouse named the Character Ark; a page-long parody of Batman (via the forgotten UK superhero playboy character the Flash Avenger), describing his origin as motivated entirely by hatred of the poor; a text feature telling of UK comics artist Denis McLoughlin, who worked consistently since the end of WWII, never made enough money to retire, and spent decades as an elderly man drawing for survival on titles he hated, eventually taking his own life in his 80s; and the secret of what happened to all the British superhero characters after the midcentury, which is that they were all eaten by Capitalism, pretty much. I laughed a bunch, but if you think LoEG is tedious shit, this probably won’t turn you around.         

*

Savage Dragon #242, Erik Larsen, Ferran Delgado, Nikos Koutsis, Mike Toris: The latest installment of the longest-running Image comic written and drawn by one of the Image founders, now deeply dove into problematic network tv drama stuff. The Dragon’s relationship with his partner Maxine is still strained in the wake of her sexual assault, a video of which the Dragon viewed in the police archives; meanwhile, the mother of one of the Dragon’s young children has been telling them all the truth about their parentage, further disrupting the peace of the household. Also, a formerly aggressive sex robot has joined the gang, dressed as an anime maid. And, the Dragon reluctantly teams up with the mid-’00s-vintage sexy heroine character Ant (which Larsen purchased from creator Mario Gully a few years ago) to foil a scheme by elderly elites to project themselves into the bodies of mythic gods in order to provoke the Rapture. Most interesting to me, however, is a bonus segment in which Larsen presents newly-lettered pages of his preliminary solo work on “Spawn” #266 (Oct. 2016), which would later be filled out by contributions from Todd McFarlane, colorist FCO Plascenscia, and letterer Tom Orzechowski. 

As usual, I prefer the ‘unfinished’ version (top) to the official release product (bottom).

*

Superman Giant #9, Erika Rothberg, ed. 

&

Batman Giant #9, Robin Wildman, ed.

These are two of those 100-page DC superhero packages they sell for five bucks exclusively at Walmart (for now; later this year they’re gonna have them in comic book stores too), which marry one new 12-page story per issue with three full-length reprint comic books from elsewhere in the 21st century. I just wanted to know what was inside them. Here is what I found:

-The new Batman comic is written by Brian Michael Bendis as a very conspicuously all-ages prospect, where the story is about nothing more than what it’s about, and the title character is presented as a serious-minded but inquisitive and compassionate man of adventure. This issue -- just in time for the remix of “Old Town Road” featuring Billy Ray Cyrus -- Batman and Green Lantern travel back to the Old West, trade in their superhero outfits for cowboy clothes, and meet up with Jonah Hex. Nick Derington draws the heroes smooth and squinting with Swanian sincerity, and Dave Stewart colors it all bright and sunny. This is not my thing at all, but it’s confident to the point of acting like almost a rebuke to the rest of the book, where literally everything else is chapter whatever of a nighttime doom ballad drawn by either Jim Lee or something trying very hard to look like him. 

-Like:

I can spot the differences, sure - if nothing else, reading superhero comics trains you to spot differences in otherwise similar things. But, there is absolutely an aesthetic at work. The top page is from an issue of “Nightwing” that tied into the 2012 “Night of the Owls” crossover in the Batman titles, produced by a seven-person drawing and coloring team fronted by pencillers Eddy Barrows & Andres Guinaldo. The writer, Kyle Higgins, has Dick Grayson fight his semi-immortal great-grandfather, who is an assassin for the Court of Owls: one of the more popular recent Batman organizations of villainy, presented here as a fascist group mediating society’s function through murder from the gray space between social classes. The Graysons, therefore, are the Gray Sons, but Nightwing resists the pull of destiny by winning a big fight, slinging the villain over his shoulder, and walking away toward a better future of just beating the shit out of bad people instead of killing them, I think. The Batgirl story -- from 2011, written by Gail Simone -- is comparatively orthodox, finding the character gripped with uncertainty about the superhero life and going about some downtime character-building activities, though most of it’s a big fight with a villain with a tragic past. The penciller, Ardian Syaf, kind of has trouble blocking the action so that characters’ movements are clear; I think Syaf is best known for having his contract with Marvel terminated in 2017 for slipping what were widely interpreted as anti-Christian and antisemitic references to Indonesian politics into an X-Men comic. 

-There is a whole lot of Jeph Loeb among the reprints. He is not a writer who has been in critical fashion for much the past two decades, but he has undoubtedly sold a lot of comics for DC, and they probably feel he can do it again. The Batman book is serializing (deep breath) “Hush”, a 2002-03 storyline notable for its extraordinarily easy-to-solve central mystery, and generally being a taped-together excuse for Jim Lee to draw as many popular Batman characters as possible across 12 issues; it sold like hot cakes. The highlight of chapter 9 is probably a bit where a three person fight ends in one panel, and then one of the characters leaves, and then a second character wakes up from unconsciousness and also leaves, and then the first character comes back and nurses the third (also unconscious) character back to health, and then Batman arrives, all in the transition between the aforementioned panel and the next, which takes place in the same room; such is the befuddling desire to race ahead to more spectacle. Jim Lee (with Scott Williams and Alex Sinclair) is indeed Jim Lee (et al.) throughout, though at one point the team drops a howler of a swordfighting panel where Batman’s blade appears to grows to JRPG length due to what I think is the colorist filling two whoosh lines with the same hue as the swords.      

Meanwhile, the Superman book is serializing a 2004 storyline from “Superman/Batman” -- the series where Loeb has Superman describe the action on the page with his own Superman-branded captions, and Batman does the same with Bat-captions, and Superman says tomayto and Batman says tomahto -- in which the late Michael Turner, one of the rock star 2nd generation Image artists, illustrates a new introduction for Supergirl. But this isn’t quite the same comic that was originally published... can YOU spot the difference?

Is this like how Walmart won’t sell CDs that have an explicit content sticker, but with teen superhero g-strings? It’s hard to explain to younger readers how the low-rise/thong panties combo forever sealed the horniness of a generation of het male superhero artists into the late 1990s, and maybe DC doesn’t want to face that. Or, they’re just leery of how Turner slipping some peekaboo glimpse of Supergirl’s underpants or bare thighs into virtually every panel in which she is depicted below the waist might affect the marketability of the comic in 2019 - although I guess it could have happened in an earlier reprint somewhere too.

-The new Superman comic is a series of 12 splash pages depicting a race between Superman and the Flash. There is very little sense of speed, because Andy Kubert (inked by Sandra Hope, colored by Brad Anderson) draws the characters as frozen in time in a way that prioritizes muscular tension in the manner of contemporary superhero cover art; at one point the two characters part the sea with the force of their bodies, and it looks to me like they’re gesticulating in front of a theatrical backdrop. And, anyway, the story pulls back almost every other page to depict Batman standing on a ledge, or Lex Luthor in a sinister chair -- or some birds flying next to a building, or the Earth as viewed from space with streaks on it -- as the race occurs deep in the background or off to one side. The point is not excitement, but reflection, as imposed upon us by the between 13 and 21 narrative captions and/or dialogue balloons pasted atop all but the first page. 

The writer is Tom King, whose “Mister Miracle” (with artist Mitch Gerads) gets a double-page advertisement later in the book, festooned with breathless blurbs from major media outlets. His narrator here is a little girl who is literally chained in captivity, clutching a Superman doll, and delivering her soliloquy in a manner of a superhero-themed TED talk with handclap repetitions on the nature of contradiction. Being faster than a speeding bullet is a CONTRADICTION. Being as strong as a locomotive is a CONTRADICTION. Leaping tall buildings in a single bound is a CONTRADICTION. Superman is about to lose the race, but then he wins, because to beat the Fastest Man Alive is... a contradiction. No wonder the GQ entertainment desk was blown away. DC comics do this kind of thing a lot, where they just have the writer tell you how great the characters are, and since you’re still reading superhero comics in the 21st century, you’re expected to pump your fists in recognition, because you and the writer and everyone at DC are just big ol’ fans... but I am not, because I am Jesus Christ, the only son of God. 

-Elsewhere in the Superman book is an issue of “Green Lantern” from 2006, drawn by Ethan Van Sciver (inked with Prentis Rollins, colored by Moose Baumann), who is known today mostly as a conservative ‘personality’ online. He also netted more than half a million dollars last July in a crowdfunding campaign to make a 48-page comic book which he has not yet finished; funny to see an American right-winger on the French schedule. Funnier still to see the kind of people (mostly guys of a certain age) who mill around such personalities croaking about how diversity is ruining comics, because ALMOST EVERY FUCKING STORY IN BOTH OF THESE 100-PAGE BOOKS IS DRAWN BY EITHER SOME DUDE FROM THE 1990s OR SOMEBODY WORKING EXPLICITLY IN THAT STYLE, but - I guess when you’ve been pampered for so long, every paper cut feels like a ripped limb. Speaking of dismemberment, the writer here is Geoff Johns, who is often pegged as a superhero traditionalist, though he also has a grasp of gory pomp which occasionally pushes the comics he writes into a Venn diagram set with loud youth manga... at least in terms of how the action plays out, all broad and pained. So, needless to say, he’s currently writing “Doomsday Clock”, which is DC’s present attempt to extend the publication life of the valuable “Watchmen” property, so that they needn’t return it to the original creators, per the original writer, Alan Moore.  

-To hear Alan Moore say it, the America’s Best Comics line was done on a work-for-hire basis as a means of ensuring prompt payment of the various creators from Jim Lee’s WildStorm, the original publisher. WildStorm was then acquired by DC (Jim Lee is now their co-publisher and chief creative officer), and Moore -- who has been (fairly) criticized in the past for taking ethical stances that cause financial harm to his artistic collaborators, who are in a less economically flexible position than writers in the comic book field -- allowed the line to continue under DC’s ownership, as to cancel everything would disadvantage everyone working on the titles. One of those titles, “Tom Strong”, was written by Moore and pencilled by Chris Sprouse for a while, and then there was a long line of guest creators, and then Moore and Sprouse came back when the ABC line wrapped, so that the concept could reach its logical termination point in an apocalyptic manner... Moore does love an apocalypse. The final story in the Superman book is a very recent, late 2018 issue of “The Terrifics”, in which we find an attempt to revive the DC-owned Tom Strong characters as players in broader DC stories. Jeff Lemire & José Luís are the primary creators. Jack Cole’s Plastic Man is there, as well as the John Ostrander/Tom Mandrake version of Mister Terrific. It’s a lot of offbeat characters; we even see Moore’s own parody of Hoppy the Marvel Bunny, because, I mean, Alan Moore does a lot of riffs on preexisting characters too, right? It’s a big blob of cartoon whimsy, filled with available characters running around. If they’re available, you might as well roll ‘em out, off the new releases rack and into a supermarket reprint package stacked in a box next to squeeze toys and discount Pokémon merchandise, which I bought, because it was really cheap.

-Jog                   

[grayisholi]

@ the DND ask game: ALL OF THOSE QUESTIONS, I CAN'T CHOOSE!! XD (or if not that, the ones you rlly wanna do!!

BOY OH BOY OH BOYIve been answering these throughout the day and I’m too lazy to reread the full document so sorry if I’ve left gaps or whatever but here it is! All 35 questions about dnd! Matt you unstoppable Madman.

1. A favorite character you have played.

You can’t just make me pick between my children!!! I think I might have to say Atticus Sallow, my faeborn bloodhunter, partially because he’s like 100% homebrew content which I LIVE for, but also because he’s probably the most kinda self-insert character I’ve ever played? Almost became the kinda angsty, brooding asshole character before he was like “get your shit together” and learned that loving people isn’t so bad.

2. Your favorite character that someone else has played.

I almost, ALMOST had the pleasure of DMing for @no-more-good-omens and their character was gonna be SO RAD and I’m a little heartbroken he never came to be. A half-drow paladin of Vecna, pretending to be your typical good and wholesome paladin? Dude, I love that kinda two faced backstabbing in a player. It’s such a shame it never came to anything (although if yall still wanna play hmu ;))

3. Your favorite side quest.

Ooh, there’s been so many good ones. Probably when i was playing as Adrian Smirks and went off on a tangent to rescue his brother ? That was the first time I ever got to see Adrian’s more raw and emotional side beneath the suave mask he wears and it was fun to explore his character in that way ^.^

4. Your current campaign.

That I’m DMing? It started inspired by Guy Fawkes and was gonna be “your party blows up parliament” but I got bored of following historical accuracy so it ended up being “blow up the palace in a magical city that just happens to be called London”. I accidentally wrote myself into a hole with this campaign tho, so once they’ve finished this arc I’m handing over the DM hat to my sister @philosophical-wanton because she seems to love it and I kinda miss being a player lmao. I can’t wait for it.

5. Favorite NPC.That I’ve written? Probably Hai Shen, the youngest son of a group of circus performers who were killed and the party got blamed for their murder. He had such a great attitude and his dynamics with the party kicked ass. And the twist that he was actually dead the whole time and it was his soul that had stayed behind to help solve his family’s murder? ICONIC.

6. Favorite death (monster, player character, NPC, etc).

NPC death would probably be Hai Shen, actually. After the party had brought the real killers (A cult to the demon Prince Orcus) to justice, Hai’s time on earth had come to an end. He had really beautiful moment with the party before being reunited with his family. Alternatively, the time I broke my entire party’s hearts? “Artagan’s staff comes cracking into Ellios’ chest, forcing him onto the ground. Artagan raises his sceptre in hand, pointing it menacingly at the young prince. And for the first time, you see him. Like, REALLY see him. He’s not the strong and powerful leader you’ve all come to know him as, he’s not Prince Ellios of the Four Realms. He’s just a boy. A boy who is much too young to be involved in such a grand scheme. And the fear in his eyes. You see the fear he’s managed to keep buried for so long, finally coming to the surface. And then? You don’t see anything, aside from his cold body hitting the ground.” I got punched three times for that moment, but GOD was it worth it.

7. Your favorite downtime activity.

Like in game? A healthy lil bit of vandalising the local law enforcement buildings is always a good time.

8. Your favorite fight/encounter.

Aw man, how can I pick ? I gotta say, that one time we, a level 6 party, managed to take down two earth elementals was pretty rad. The DM kind of expected it to be one of those encounters that we saw and immediately tried to run from, but what she didn’t take into account was that ALL of us had chaotic alignments so we just went crazy. The DM was rolling really badly (thank God) and we were getting really creative (“I use the produce flame centripetal to light my bottle of ale on fire and create a molotov cocktail” “you do WHAT”) and after like an HOUR we won and it was amazing. The rush I got from that victory was better than any drug my dood.

9. Your favorite thing about D&D.

I know I say it a lot, but I legit can’t choose. There’s so many great things about ttrpgs that a lot of people don’t really think of. The creative fulfilment I get from a session is incomparable, the friendships you can build that you couldn’t form in any other way. And like, not to get too real for a sec here, but I grew up with undiagnosed autism and didn’t understand how a lot of social situations worked, and DnD was such a good mechanic for me to try communicating with people without many real world consequences, and I appreciate that experience so much. It’s just such a great thing my dood.

10. Your favorite enemy and the enemy you hate the most.

Can they be the same thing lmao? I mean, I’m obviously partial to Count Cassius, the vampire lord that Adrian slept with lmao. I also always appreciate a good beholder, until I get hit with three disintegration rays IN A ROW.

11. How often do you play and how often would you ideally like to play?

We’ve got kind of a monthly schedule with my main campaign, and I manage to get a couple online games in-between them, but honestly I’d kill to be the kind of group that got together every weekend.

12. Your in game inside jokes/memes/catchphrases and where they came from.

Oh MAN. “I say we do this.” “Yeah, but that’s coming from the guy who decided to tie 3 50ft ropes together to escape the palace.” “iT wOrKeD dIdN’t iT ???” i.e that time I forgot I gave the gnome rogue flying boots so when I planned for them to get arrested at the palace, they managed to escape by tying their ropes together, sending the gnome with it to the top and climbing the wall. I had to improvise the rest of the session. Also “FLINTON BELINDA SKINTON” bc as a role-play exercise I got my party to come up with rumours about their characters and the gnome rogue called Flint AKA Flinton B Skinton decided that one of their rumours was that the B stood for Belinda, and it was GLORIOUS.

13. Introduce your current party.

My current group consists of Flinton B Skinton, gnome rogue. He’s a quick-fingered, silver-tongued gay disaster who can sell anything to anyone. He’s a charming flirt, and a veritable genius in his own right. Kava Daardendrian, dragonborn ranger who loves nothing in life more than her animal companion - her pig Snortin Norton. She’s fun and sassy and shameless, she’s great. There’s Sparks, the fire Genasi Monk, and full embodiment of a disaster lesbian. She drinks, fights, and gets laid, and doesn’t deal with her problems in healthy ways. An icon. And finally Milo, the halfling Bard who falls in love at the drop of a hat and just wants everyone to get along. I call them “The Shenanigang” and I love them.

14. Introduce any other parties you have played in or DM-ed.

A party I joined late? We had Sylvia Moondrop, the half elf sorcerer who was just trying to get along with everyone despite what the world seemed to want. Orland the half orc bard who was just trying to shake off the Barbarian stereotype his family left him with. Rose Morleen, air Genasi fighter who was literally born to kick ass and take names. I joined as Mason Terrai, the Earth Genasi Alchemist with a perchance for explosives. The very definition of chaotic neutral.

15. Do you have snacks during game times?

Of COURSE. What manic wouldn’t ?

16. Do you play online or in person? Which do you prefer?

I used to play online a LOT back before I had friends who were into dnd, but I VASTLY prefer playing in person. The chemistry that’s built not only amongst the players, but also the actual characters themselves is unparalleled. It’s just such a great experience.

17. What are some house rules that your group has?

Anyone can attempt anything, the only restriction is the dice. Don’t question the DM unless it’s out of session, then bully the dm on the groupchat until he’s so pissed off he gives you inspiration just to get you to shut up. And also canon lore and canon rules are bullshit when it’s convenient. That’s about it

18. Does your party keep any pets?

Our ranger, God bless her, has her pack pig Snortin Norton, sold to her by one Flinton B Skinton. And Flint really wants a monkey, he’s been trying to find one for ages.

19. Do you or your party have any dice superstitions?

Not really ? I’m the kind guy that if my dice rolls a 1 I will bench it for a bit, but tbh all my dice are cursed af and I’ve kinda just learned to roll with it by making my characters canonically terrible at everything lmao.

20. How did you get into D&D? How long have you been playing?

Aw man I can’t remember when or how, it’s been so long. I had a couple friends who were kinda into it, but all the games they tried to run were complete disasters. I only really started playing I’m the past year or so? Maybe a little more ? Adrian was my first character, and he was a very RP heavy character in a party of tanks and they all hated him but MAN was it fun.

21. Have you ever regretted something your character has done?

Oh all the time. One time my character was careless and didn’t check for traps on a legendary artefact and it lead to the death of a party member. One time my character got angry at his party and walked out. My characters don’t make good decisions, but that’s part of the fun.

22. What color was your first dragon?

White! I thought it was silver at first and went to go say hi, and it clawed me within half my HP straight away lmao.

23. Do you use premade modules or original campaigns?

Oh dude, original all the way. I live for that shit.

24. How much planning/preparation do you do for a game?

Depends on the session, but usually a good few hours, couple of days if I’m DMing.

25. What have your players done that you never could have planned for?

“You wake up in a mysterious forest. The strained autumn sun shines through the trees. The only thing you can see it each other, the trees, and an old sign post leading to a path that says "Myrrill” on it. What do you do?“ "We walk in the opposite direction of the sign deeper into the forest.” “…of course you do.”

26. What was your favorite scene to write and show your characters.

I wrote a full carnival show one time for them to watch, and then it got derailed when a horrific monster attacked. But writing all the characters and their acts, and watching my players get entranced as I described it ? Magical, my dood.

27. Do you allow homebrew content?

I live and breathe homebrew content. I don’t know what my games would be without it. I LOVE homebrew.

28. How often do you use NPCs in a party?

I make some pretty sick characters if I do say so myself, so I throw them in a LOT.

29. Do you prefer RP heavy sessions or combat sessions?

Oh dude, role play all the way. Fighting and killing stuff is great, but role-play is just so good. We can go from laughing with a bartender to crying over a backstory reveal and it’s just beautiful.

30. Are your players diplomatic or murder hobos?

Depends on the party, but i find the best players are a little bit of both XD

31. What is your favorite class? Favorite race?

Official ? I’m a fan of the hexblade warlock? Bards are always a good call, and to be real playing monks make me feel like an absolute badass. Race wise, there are just so many. If we’re only talking players handbook stuff, half elf is always rad. Outside of that? I’ve been researching the Shadar-Kai lately and I’m LIVING. They’re so rad.

32. What role do you like to play the most? (Tank/healer/etc?)

What would you call the disaster gay? I don’t really gear my characters towards usefulness in combat, so it’s just whatever the class happens to lend itself to.

33. How do you write your backstory, or do you even write a backstory?

I usually write my character, personality, backstory, alignment etc, before I even pick a class or even a race. I basically just make OCs and apply them to dnd rules, and it’s SO much fun. 10/10, would recommend.34. Do you tend pick weapons/spells for being useful or for flavor?

FLAVOUR. My party usually hates me, but what I lack in combat utility I more than make up for in creative out of combat skill checks XD.

35. How much roleplay do you like to do?

Boi, I even RP my combat, and the great thing is it rubs off on my party too. I’ll have a really low initiative and everyone else will be like “I attack and do 10 points of damage” but then on my round I’m like “I use my staff to leap across the battlefield towards the opponent and launch out with a spinning kick to their jaw” and everyone else is like “oh, okay, that’s what we’re doing.” and the battle becomes so much more dynamic and cinematic, it’s amazing !

[carnationbooks]

Fandom features: Author Wendy Qualls

To kick off a series of fandom-focused posts, we’re chatting with author Wendy Qualls (aka wendymarlowe on AO3) about fanfic, Johnlock, getting published, the intersection of fanfiction and original fiction, and a little dash of DragonCon! We so enjoyed learning a bit about Wendy’s fandom experience, and are so glad to share her insight with all of you! Don’t miss the amazing rec list she wrote for us after the jump (it’s so good). Thank you so much for talking with us, Wendy! 

Thanks so much for chatting with us! How can our readers find you?

I write fic as wendymarlowe (Marlowe being my middle name), but I write my original male/male romance under my real name, Wendy Qualls. (www.wendyqualls.com)

So what inspired you to start writing fic?

I write in the Sherlock fandom with brief forays into Harry Potter, but my first ever fandom was Dragon Age. I played Dragon Age: Origins and went through the love story with one of the characters and immediately thought "I want to experience exactly that again, but different" and I remembered something called fanfic my sister used to read so I looked some up. The one I found was awful, but then I found my way onto fanfiction.net and eventually onto AO3. The fics got better :-)

Now that you’re writing mostly in the Sherlock fandom, what about Johnlock is the most appealing to you?

Honestly? I love what fandom has done to the characters. The Sherlock and John on the show would both be horrible people to be in a relationship with, but the general fandom version sort of rounds the edges off a bit. Sherlock is abrasive but not cruel, John is competently BAMF without being violent and angry. The show has throwaway lines like how John “lost an entire Wednesday once” and I know Moftiss put it in there because they thought it was funny but SERIOUSLY? Drugging your flatmate is not okay! I’d much rather read (and write) about characters who are capable of healthy relationships :-)

What is your favorite thing you have written so far?

My most popular fic, and the one that was the most amazing to write, was Dear John (https://archiveofourown.org/works/2647979). Summary: "With Sherlock dead, John eventually (under duress) makes a profile on an online dating site. And falls into a long-distance relationship with an enigmatic partner who reminds him of Sherlock in all the right ways. (Hint: it turns out to be Sherlock.)" 

It was inspired by a friend trying a dating website and me realizing that sense of waiting for replies and not knowing when they're coming could be replicated by AO3's subscribe feature - I posted the fic in "real time." (As in, back and forth according to when the characters would have been writing each other). It had a pretty modest following at the beginning, but by the time John and Sherlock shared their first sexting right before Christmas it kind of blew up on Tumblr and the comments section started to be longer than the chapters :-P 

It was amazing to see a mini-fandom develop right there and see everyone debating what they thought John and Sherlock were up to that very minute. By the time the fic got to the big dramatic face-to-face meet, the comments/replies were coming in faster than I could read them! I'm told it's still fun to read now, all at once, but the shared waiting experience was something I wish I could replicate for another fic and I don't know that I ever could.

When I started submitting around to find a literary agent, the popularity of Dear John and my other AO3 fics was a strong point in my favor with the agent I ultimately signed with :-) There's a LOT of overlap between romance authors and fanfic authors, actually, even if not all of them are public about it.

Speaking of your work as a published author, do you have any words of wisdom for the fic authors out there who are hoping to get published one day?

Everyone—every published author ever—has a few manuscripts “under the bed” that just didn’t work. Often it’s because their writing needed to get stronger before publishing, sometimes it’s because they hit a crowded market exactly wrong or just never connected with the right editors/agents. Only around 10% of people who attempt to write their first novel make it to the end, and less than half of those get to the point they’re submitting it for professional consideration. 

The thing is, though, the only way to get better at writing is to write. I don’t care how many books and blogs you read about the craft (although those help too), you’re not going to get your book out there for money if you’re not willing to write something imperfect first.

Fanfic, I believe, is an amazing way to practice writing for low stakes. You get your pick of pre-developed characters and settings to choose from, there are no deadlines, and 99% of fanfic readers are supportive. AO3 says I’ve had 11,549 comments on my works - I think I’ve had only one or two readers who were critical. The rest are positive and make me excited to write for them. There is no doubt in my mind that fanfic has made me a better writer. Anyone who dreams of being published someday, my advice is this: write a book. Then write another. Write fanfic along the way and pick up people to cheer you on. The difference between published and unpublished is mostly luck, persistence, and confidence.

Do you ever get writer’s block? What do you do to combat it?

I do absolutely get writer's block, in big part because of my depression. (Depression sucks, btw.) Writing fic has made me comfortable having multiple works in progress at once, though, so often if I'm stuck on my "real" book I can write fic instead. I can't turn out fic as fast as I could before I started actually being published and having deadlines, but it's still a totally different feel writing for no stakes versus "how are my agent and editor and readers going to judge this?" Positive comments on AO3 pretty much balance out the negative energy in bad book reviews :-P

While we discussed this interview, you mentioned you’ll be in attendance at DragonCon this weekend. What are you most excited to do at con?

The panels and the people! There are several friends I only see at DragonCon, and it’s always fun to reconnect. The panels, though, are the heart of the convention. Science vs. Movies (10 PM Sunday in the Hilton Crystal ballroom) is always a highlight - it’s a panel of real, actual science experts forced to watch terrible Hollywood scenes and then argue why the scene was actually 100% scientifically plausible :-P Sometimes they break down and cry. It’s awesome.

You’re on some panels, right? When can folks catch those?

Friday at 10 PM: "BritTrack After Dark - British Fanfic/Slashfic Panel!" in Hilton Galleria 5 and Saturday at 10 PM: "We Do the Weird Stuff!: NC17 Fanfic" in Marriott M301

And finally, do you have any fic recs to share with our followers?

(Ed. Note: Y’ALL! Wendy wrote us an amazing rec list which is under the cut - Click for some Sherlock-y goodness!)

Favorite crack-premise-but-serious-fic: The Midas Touch (E) by flawedregina (https://archiveofourown.org/works/2479868) John Watson has a medical condition that means everyone he sleeps with is instantly healed of all illness and injury. This causes complications when Sherlock breaks his arm, and even more complications when Sherlock falls in love with him. Yes, this is a story where John has a literal magic healing cock. It's a lot less cracky than you're probably imagining. I love this for the "literal magical healing cock" premise, but it's also a beautiful look at ethics, personality, and the dynamics of sex. John is caught between feeling like he ethically HAS to use his rare gift because it saves people's lives and feeling the very human need for privacy and having control over his own life. Sherlock is a brat because he's always a brat but he GETS it and supports John and seriously, it's wonderful. 32K.

Favorite crack-premise-but-serious-fic without all the smut: A Magnificent Instrument (T) by mycapeisplaid (https://archiveofourown.org/works/7452193) A series of vignettes set in an AU in which Sherlock plays the tuba instead of the violin. This does have some brilliant takes on the idea (my favorite is Sherlock playing "oompah oompah" elephant steps in time with Mycroft leaving the flat) but it's also got an amazing connection between Sherlock and John. 6K.

Favorite fantasy AU: Here There Be Dragons (E) by Leloi (https://archiveofourown.org/works/786378) When Lord John of the Umberland Watsons volunteered to his lord father to deal with a dragon, this was not what he had in mind. Instead of using his sword and shield to deal a deadly blow he found himself trussed up like a festival goose sans armor and small clothes, naked as his birth day. This is sweet and hot at the same time and thanks to a certain Tolkien movie, we don't have to imagine very hard to envision Sherlock as a dragon :-D 8K.

Favorite short, kinky smut: Performance Art (E) by thisprettywren (https://archiveofourown.org/works/208374) “I have to say, John, I really just. Well. I can’t see the appeal.” That wasn’t precisely true, of course. At the moment, the appeal lay in the way John was blushing and licking his lip, avoiding Sherlock’s gaze, thoroughly discomfited. This one is so sexy and so Sherlock in how he thinks and gah, just read it! 6K. Favorite AU: The Bang and the Clatter (M) by earlgreytea68 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/744242) Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU.   I learned a ton about baseball from this fic - it's very educational :-P It's also clear that earlgreytea is an AMAZING writer and a true baseball fan. 137K.

Favorite D/s verse: Shames and Praises (E) by s0mmerspr0ssen (https://archiveofourown.org/works/573019) Unable but desperate to find a dom who will put up with him, Sherlock swallows his pride and turns to Mycroft for help. Shortly after, John Watson steps into Sherlock's life.   Kinky as hell with a wonderful caring top!John. D/s done right. 52K.

Favorite Mystrade: The DI and the Spy (T) by chasingriver (https://archiveofourown.org/works/558609) Greg is an early-morning runner. Mycroft is an early riser who happens to live on Greg's running route. Hilarity ensues. Written for MystradeDoodles' prompt: "Greg is a runner. Rom-com." Exactly what it says on the package - a sweet rom-com story about how Mycroft and Lestrade get a crush on each other before even knowing who the other is. 44K.

[dragon-ball-meta]

There comes a time in everyone’s life when they have to do something they dread. For me, that’s typically addressing Dragon Ball articles written by ScreenRant. Bear in mind, this is super stupid. For the most part, I included the complaint’s title in the response, but you may need to click through to read the extent of the stupid. Except for #4, since that was a doozy. So without wasting any more of your dash space, here we go with a Read More and a LONG list of responses to utter stupidity.

Time for yet another long-winded reply to yet another clickbait article you guys crapped out about a series you clearly didn't even watch. 19. "THE TIME HE WAS INEXPLICABLY BEATEN BY KEFLA" I see you're ignoring three major factors. a. That Kefla is a Fusion of two female warriors. b. That Super Saiyan levels do not have inherent power levels, they're merely multipliers. So this scenario is still quite possible. c. That Goku, in this instance, was still half drained and recovering from his fight with Jiren. Hence why he wasn't even going all-out. Good golly, did you like, just not watch the ep and pick this one out of the YouTube Comment Section? Also, idk if you know, but.. he kinda does win this fight. 18. "HIS POWER LEVEL ALWAYS BEING HIGHER THAN VEGETA'S" (Yes. They actually tried to use THIS as a complaint.) Goku's power level was not 90K on Namek. He was holding BACK vs Captain Ginyu and his power level hit 180K. Secondly, Zenaki power boosts go proportionately to exactly how near death you were and how extensive the damage you healed from was. In Goku's case, his body not only suffered from having a foreign spirit in it, but was also once again crushed and mangled to the point of being inoperable. He healed from extensively far more damage than Vegeta did, hence his level being boosted to a higher degree. That's also not even factoring how much fighting Freeza pushed him, let alone the inherent boost that comes with unlocking that new form. But I do also note this website seemingly forgetting Vegeta once supposedly surpassed Goku because he got upset his waifu got smacked. Which actually IS an asspull but w/e. 17. "UNDERUTILIZING HIS SUPER SPEED" Goku uses his speed all the time. It was illustrated even back during the Saiyan Saga that even the human characters were fighting and moving at speeds so fast as to be almost imperceptible even to a trained warrior's eyes. They had to use their eyes in tandem with sensing the fighters to figure out what was happening. It's also why, in later fights, those who are stronger or more adept at sensing energies have to sort of play announcer to those who get lost. 16. "THAT TIME HE PASSED AWAY FROM HEART FAILURE" That... that was an alternate timeline and had nothing at all to do with ending the series. Goku contracted a heart disease in Future Trunks' timeline, Androids came and attacked, nearly wiped out the populace, Trunks came forward to prevent Goku's death in THIS timeline and also to hopefully get help in becoming stronger from him and his father, presumably then being able to save his own timeline as well. You are literally the sole person I have ever seen become confused by this. Again, I don't think you read or even watched this series, man. 15. "UNDERUTILZING HIS SOLAR FLARE" Solar Flare became increasingly less useful as the enemies it was being used ON either had a natural immunity to it or simply had the ability to sense ki and work around it, something not fully overcome until Krillin managed to amp it up so intensely as to dull even that sense. That said, it actually HAS been used, fairly effectively, in many fights, by Goku and others. So I'm not really sure how anything's been "forgotten". 14. "HE REGULARLY FORGETS HIS PHILOSOPHY OF ‘NEVER GIVING UP’" Goku... stood down once. One time. The actual hell are you talking about here? The SOLE time he chose to "give up" was vs Cell as he knew Cell was learning from him AND that he couldn't beat him. Their sole shot was in Gohan finally breaking through that all and ascending beyond a Super Saiayn. No other possible outcome. The only other thing you can accuse him of is holding back vs Buu, but that was both because he was stalling and using energy would reduce the time he could stay, and... well, because he was dead and gone, and felt it behooved him to teach new defenders rather than once again solve it himself and keep the Earth reliant on backup from a dead guy. But even then, Goku was guesstimating that he MIGHT have been able to win there. It's not a 100% guarantee. Also I believe the line you're quoting may be a dub-only line, which... would warrant many more paragraphs. 13. "CHILDHOOD GOKU KEPT GETTING SINGLED OUT FOR HAVING A TAIL" Goku was singled out over his tail because he was clearly a boy, yet also clearly had a monkey tail. Were he an anthro monkey, this would not phase people. That he was seemingly human, yet had this appendage, was odd and stood out. No, it was not an attempt to traumatize him as he thought everyone else was weird for not having one, and it didn't phase him one bit. Nor was the storyline about being a "Saiyan" even a concept at the time. You're way overthinking things to invent problems here. 12. "THE LACK OF PHYSICS REGARDING HIS HAIR" Wow, we're already scraping the barrel. This bodes well. His hair stays up when underwater when he has energy flowing up around him too, fyi. 11. "LEARNING MORE FROM KING KAI THAN ANYONE ELSE, DESPITE BEING THERE FOR THE SHORTEST AMOUNT OF TIME" Different. People. Have. Different. Degrees. Of. Potential. And. Skill. Goku's giftedness at being able to manipulate energy as well as the naturally higher healing factors and durability of the Saiyans.is what made him such a great candidate to learn the Kaio-ken and Spirit Bomb, and Goku's aptitiude at the former was only ever really met or matched by Krillin, who actually learned to form, aim, and throw the Spirit Bomb faster than even Goku did. So there's that. 10. "MASTERING ULTRA INSTINCT AFTER ONLY USING IT 3 TIMES" So again, you didn't watch the series, I see. Goku didn't "master" Ultra Instinct at all. He managed to fully tap into the completed form by being pushed far enough and finally taking Whis' instruction to heart, relying on instinct rather than overthinking, becoming one with his movements. BUT... it also kinda took a massive toll on his body, AND he has no idea how to even begin accessing it at will yet. So while that form may be called "Mastered" Ultra Instinct, Goku himself has not mastered it at all, by his own admission. 9. "THE TIME HE LET FRIEZA POWER BACK TO 100% RATHER THAN TAKING HIM OUT" You mean the time he declared he wanted to face Freeza at 100% of his power on an already-dying planet with no one really left to get hurt at a point when he was in a state of mind more savage than his normal self? How horrible. And no, he didn't kill him, and he explained why. NEITHER of these acts were acts of mercy, as this article claims, but of dominance. Humiliation and cruelty. Goku faced Freeza at the peak of his power, and overcame him so handily that killing him would have been almost pathetic. So he chose to let him live with the knowledge that a Saiyan, a Monkey, a being he viewed as lower than the dirt itself, had faced him at full power and deemed him not even worthy of the honor of a warrior's death. It was a sentence to live in shame. Not mercy. 8. "HIS FARMING SKILLS SERIOUSLY DECREASED AS HE AGED" Goku was literally doing manual labor to plow a field as part of Roshi's training vs actual farming done professionally with intent to sell his crops. You kinda need very straight rows to maximize your harvest. This is one of the dumbest complaints in here. 7. "GOKU HAS THE ABILITY TO DESTROY PLANETS, BUT NOT OPEN DOORS" I take it back, they actually dipped into the Legacy of Goku games for this one. It's called a Quest, my guy. Jeebus. 6. "THE TIME HE TELEPORTED HIMSELF AND AN EXPLODING CELL TO KING KAI'S PLANET" OK. Aside from Instant Transmission/Instantaneous Movement (as Goku knows it at least) requiring you to know where you're going OR have a Ki signal to lock onto (meaning no empty planets or random spots in Space), what "Conflict" did Goku start other than mild annoyance from King Kai and his pets as they were the only ones there? And even King Kai conceded he made the best call he could have given the circumstances. So... what? 5. "IGNORING THE PHYSICS OF SPACE" You are literally citing filler that actually makes logical sense in context with the rest of the series which shows that Saiyans can indeed survive for at least a time in Space, to say nothing of upper atmospheres. Lord. HOO boy, they're really picking #4 to get stupid on so Imma actually paste their entire thing before replying here. 4. "HIS HORRIBLE PARENTING TACTICS" "This is one nonsensical part of Goku that the show occasionally touches on, but not nearly enough. Goku is truly a horrible father to his son, Gohan. Not only is he never there for his wife and kid, but when he is there, it feels like he's always pitting his son against some super-powered adult who wants to punch the kid's teeth in." When? Piccolo's the one who forced the kid to fight the Saiyans. Gohan CHOSE to go to Namek, and Goku tried to keep him OUT of the fighting once he arrived. It was one of the chief reasons he was in such a hurry to get to Namek. When exactly was Goku tossing a small child in front of evil enemies? And again, stated for the hundredth time, Goku was there for his family far, FAR more often than when he was gone, and when he WAS, it was for good reason. "While Goku's reasoning is that he's just trying to train and prepare Gohan, the logic of it doesn't make much sense at all." How is training with your son not training your son? The first time Goku ever actively trained Gohan, or trained with him, was during the wait for the Androids, and it was for the very reason that he knew Gohan was actually dead in that other timeline. Best to have the boy able to defend himself as best he can. It also served as a bonding time between father and son. "At what point does Chi-Chi just leave with Gohan in order to keep their son safe from the dangerous whims of her husband? And at what point does Child Protective Services step in? While Goku isn't personally harming his child himself, he's almost always putting Gohan in mortal danger." Hold the hell up, when did Goku EVER hurt Gohan himself in any way other than training him? When? Piccolo hit that kid far, FAR more than Goku EVER did, yet y'all call him "Green Dad: or "Gohan's REAL Dad". If you're gonna make these dumbass comments, back 'em up. "During the Cell Games, even, Goku pitted his son against Cell, who is arguably stronger than Goku himself, and then gave Cell Senzu Beans to make him stronger. It's almost as if Goku hates being a father so much that he wants to end his son's life at any means necessary." ...Cell's not "arguably" stronger than Goku himself, he was. By a good bit. But so was Gohan. So much so that he knew that even though he was pushing himself, Gohan seemed to think his father was moving slowly and holding back because, as he sensed in the ROSAT (Time Chamber), Gohan had surpassed him and was nearly at the level of ascending beyond Super Saiyan. He just needed to push himself, get anrgy. So to facilitate this, thinking the adrenaline rush of a close fight would do it, and to psych Cell out, yes. He gave him a Senzu. And yes, he realized later he made a mistake... and he was actually willing to break the rules, take a Senzu himself, and go back in to try to save Gohan, to fight alongside him. I love how you all overlook that so much, to say nothing of the love and affection he OPENLY shows his boy throughout.  GOD this is so hostile and stupid. 3. "HIS SHIP IS SOMEHOW USABLE, LONG AFTER IT WAS DESTROYED BY A SPECIAL BEAM CANNON" Number one? That's a filler moment. Never happens in the manga. Yes, filler created problems. Been saying it for years. Not a problem with the original story though. Number two? Even then they say Dr. Brief used the PIECES of Goku's pod to build that new ship. Specifically saying "It was in pretty rough shape, but he managed to use what he could salvage as a base". Non-issue. 2. "INEXPLICABLY SURVIVING A SPECIAL BEAM CANNON DRILLING THROUGH HIS CHEST" ... Literally HOW do you get this stupid? Literally how? Serious question, and the ultimate proof that you again neither ever watched nor read the series before making this list. Goku dies from that. Outright. He's wished back to life one year later with the Dragon Balls. This is not something left up to interpretation, or something that's debatable. It's a fact. Yikes, bro. 1. "HE IS GENERALLY WAY TOO OVERPOWERED" Ah yes, the generic "he's too strong and therefore boring" argument. Not sure why that's on this list but uh.. Goku's been in positions where weaker characters could indeed feasibly take him out. nothing nonsensical about it at all. Multiple times during the ToP, he was nearly bested by warriors technically weaker than himself who used tactics, strategy, to get the upper hand. It's not hard to do. Goku's not Silver Age Superman here, he does have limitations and weaknesses. This list was plain embarrassing, man. Seriously, at least Watch/Read Dragon Ball before doing articles on it. Just... seriously. CBR and SR need to find people who’ve actually done research about this instead of crapping it out.

[rosyredlipstick]

merlin fic rec list - starter pack

@trueloveorsomething told me she’s never really read a merlin fic and my heart, that is still stuck in the blissful ignorance of november 2012, couldn’t accept that. I promptly told her I would make her a starter pack of some of my favorites and completely forgot about it until she reminded me like, an hour ago. So sorry bout that. Rina puts up with so much of my shit and deserves a nice fic rec list considering I call drunk call her at 4am and she still answers.

SO HERE’S A REC LIST THAT IS VERY LATE AND TOO LONG ILY AND I HOPE THESE BEAUTIFUL MERTHUR FICS SOMEHOW CONVEY THAT

For Your Information by reni_days (ao3 no longer available)

Summary:

Merlin sighs. "After your...announcement," he explains, "your father decided he needed a bit more information. Which is apparently where I come in. I'm sort of like his gay tutor, it's hard to explain."

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Okay so this was one of my all-time favorite merlin fics because I HAVE NEVER READ A BETTER UTHER!! WHO IS TRYING TO LOVE & UNDERSTAND HIS SON!!! But recently the fic was taken off ao3 and I was desolate for numerous days UNTIL I REALIZED that the author had still left up the original livejournal post from 2012. Wow. flashbacks. Anyways, this is def in my top five I adore it.

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A New Low by Rosie_Rues // @rosierues

Summary:

Written for this prompt at kinkme_merlin, which asked for diabetic!Merlin stuck in a lift with Arthur. It grew from there.

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God. GOD. secretly caring Arthur Pendragon is LITERALLY MY SHIT. The dialogue & character interactions are SO FUNNY and I swear I laugh on every read through (which is often tbh). FLUFF!

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A Modern Manservant by Mamalazzer

Summary:

A modern magical comedy very loosely based on Ugly Betty. Publishing king Uther Pendragon has had enough of his playboy son seducing every female assistant he has ever had so he hires Merlin, a man he is sure Arthur will never sleep with. Merlin would be more insulted by this fact if he wasn’t so busy trying to juggle his duties, save Arthur's skin from ruthless fashionistas and keep his magic a secret at the same time. Expect appearances by oil-lathered knights, the occasional mad druid, a perverted Will and a mental caretaker who lives in the basement and keeps harping on about coins and destiny.

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I honestly think about this fic constantly. I’ve been meaning to reread it for like, a month and my time has finally come. An Ao3 legend. Wow. I’m in awe of this fic. I love it so much. Please Read, I’m Begging.

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Dying to Return by StormDancer // @hurricanedancer

Summary:

When they try to hang him, he floats.

*

They put him on the pyre at dawn.

He doesn’t burn.

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Canon-divergence is one of my fav tags and this fic does it SO WELL! Also BAMF!Merlin bc OF COURSE and again, this fic just shows their relationship and Arthur’s inner struggles/thoughts  so well as he deals with this ~~~mysterious~~~ mage. Wow. You’ll be screaming the whole time.

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The Weight of Words by Waldorph // @waldorph

Summary:

Arthur knows how to use words just as well as Merlin, and he knows about the magic.

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One of the best character studies I’ve ever read. Also done by a fic legend, and it SHOWS. I never know how much i craved the tag “Smart!Arthur” bUT I DID! Also Morgana is my favorite. She needs more love.

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How to Untrain Your Dragon by Teumessian

Summary:

Merlin has many secrets but Arthur sees more than anyone knows. This is the story of a prince and a dragon. A canon changeling!verse AU, deviating around season 2.

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In case you haven’t been able to tell, I’m a bITCH for magic revealed fic. And I seriously loooove when Arthur already knows. Wow. Plus this is a great twist with the changeling AU. Check it out!!!

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Emrys Ascending by tricksterity

Summary:

In the depths of the Crystal of Neahtid, Merlin sees the resurrection of Lord Voldemort, an event that will tip the balance of the world so far out that only he has the power to intervene and set it right, or stop it from ever happening. For that, he'll have to pose as a student and attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

The only problem is, he's been chosen instead of Cedric Diggory as a Triwizard Champion, and there's a recently reborn Arthur Pendragon in Gryffindor House.

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*lays out cards on table* you want some character development? Some of that good BAMF Merlin shit? Some of that reincarnation? Magic revealed? 100k+? A HOGWARTS AU? Have I got the SHIT FOR YOU! Pls scream about this fic w me.

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Keep the Magic Secret by orphan_account

Summary:

For the prompt: Someone tells Arthur about the legends of Emrys, an all-powerful warlock whose destiny is to protect Arthur and his kingdom and help bring about an age of peace. He is told that Emrys is someone close to him, and has hidden his identity and trials over the years to protect himself and make sure he can continue on at Arthur's side. When Arthur asks who it is, the person turns to Arthur and shrewdly asks: "Arthur, who do you want it to be?" ... Arthur's mind automatically goes to Merlin.

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ASDGL;DKLD WOW. I ADORE how the author wrote Arthur’s mindset, and the plot is so well done and fleshed out I’m totally obsessed. Wow. Such an intense slow burn I’m sure a small village went up in flames. Wow. Also, I love Gwen with my whole heart and this fic treats her RIGHT w/out ignoring her whole canon storyline. Great work!!!

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All’s Well That Ends Well by StormDancer // @hurricanedancer

Summary:

Merlin spent the week and a half that Arthur was gone splitting his time between crafting careful explanations that never ended up explaining the important things, the things that would make Arthur listen, and making half-baked plans to escape to Ealdor. He found a number of fire-proofing spells that would have no effect if they decided to cut his head off, and figured out how to adapt an invulnerability spell he had been trying to find a way to cast on Arthur without him noticing so that it would protect him from being decapitated, but it would have no effect on anything but metal. Despite all his frantic searching, he did not find a teleportation spell, because that would have been too simple and if there was one thing Merlin had learned in his years at Camelot, it was that nothing was ever simple.

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A classic magic revealed fic that handles emotion - both Merlin & Arthur’s - extremely well. I’m a big fan of this author, so check out their other works if you’re interested!

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Strike of Lightning by helloearthlings

Summary:

Uther's commandment was very simple: If there should come a day when Arthur met his soulmate, he would drive a sword through their chest and kill them on sight.

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EVERY fandom has their own soulmarks fic AND THIS IS MERLIN’S WOW! I love it. I adore it. I’d frame it and put it above my bed if it wasn’t 4k words.

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1609, 5280, 63360 by Sham

Summary:

When they were young, Arthur had gone running. Morgana discovered that early into her tenure at the Pendragons; shortly after the car crash, when she was swathed in a bed with silk sheets with the memory of Uther standing awkwardly in her doorway, old face creased with the vestiges of grief and uncomfortable concern for the fragile girl in his house.

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I haven’t read this one yet - it’s next on my to-read list! - but it seriously looks SO GOOD and once again I LOVE MORGANA and plus there seems to be a somewhat sympathic Uther in this which, once again, I would die for.

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Fathom Me Out by supercalvin // @supercalvin

Summary:

After ten years, Arthur thinks he has Merlin all figured out. But as he watches Merlin, he finds out that he has more questions than answers. The longer he thinks about it, the more uneasy he feels. So he pushes it aside. Except, he can no longer ignore the questions he has about Merlin.

Not your everyday reveal!fic.

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Great character study & development and I loooove how the author writes their relationship. Also, it’s not required, but the prequel to this fic is also very very good and I highly rec it! Check it out here - Laundry’s Hard Work.

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It’s Nice to Finally Tweet You by Pendragons Dragonlord // @pseudoauthor

Summary:

Merlin's eyes scan the headline.

Arthur Pendragon reveals mark in attempt to find the one.

"I pity the guy who's unfortunate enough to get him as a soul mate.”

In which Arthur is a famous celebrity, Merlin is a beloved teacher, and they break Twitter once. Well, twice. Okay so it's a whole bunch of times actually but it's not their fault. Really it's not.

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Read that description and try not to explode over your excitement for this fic. Really, I dare you. It’s such a good balance of fluff, plot, and soulmarks. Also, Merlin is a schoolteacher and if that doesn’t sell you on it I have nothing else to offer.

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Until You Do (I’ll Bring You Tea and Honey) by TheAvalonian

Summary:

Modern AU: Everyone keeps assuming that Merlin and Arthur are together, so as a joke, they start pretending it's true. And then, suddenly, it is.

A story of giant teddy bears, meddling sisters, nonexistent homoerotic subtext (or is it?), and accidentally falling in love.

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So much fluff you’ll get a toothache. The best Friends to Lovers fic I’ve ever read ever in my life. Wow. WOW. This tops the cake not only with a cherry but like, a hundred dollar bill (iDK WHAT'S BETTER THAN A CHERRY JUST DO W IT) READ THE FLUFF.

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License to Thrill by lady_ragenll // @theladyragnell

Summary:

Merlin's employees bet him the recipe for the most addictive cocoa in the world that he can't find out what the hot blond who comes into his chocolate shop does for a living within the month. He ends up getting far more than he bargained for.

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This was such a joy to read like, all the dialogue? Is SO GOOD. Also, I love Merlin so much in this fic wow. Omg. I’m in love with this fic and we’re getting married this weekend.

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Not In This Land Alone by torakowalski

Summary:

Modern AU. When Merlin Emrys gets a summer job at Buckingham Palace, he doesn't expect to even meet King Arthur, let alone become involved in protecting him from a plot to overthrow the monarchy.

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I’m finishing off this list with a Merlin fandom CLASSIC. Admittedly, it took me a while to get around to reading this but by the time I was a few paragraphs in I was instantly wondered WHY bc it’s SO GOOD AND I WAS MISSING OUT SO MUCH. So much drama I was thriving. The plot? Perfection. Wow.

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Okay I think that’s a decent start for a starter pack - Rina & everyone else who reads this, I hope y’all enjoy! Remember to kudus & review for any fics you enjoyed!!! Also I found like, seven new merlin fics I somehow haven’t read yet soooooooooo another list may be on the way soon omg.

[masterghandalf]

Game of the Ancients: Introduction

Game of the Ancients is a writing project of mine I've been working on in various forms for the last several years and is very near and dear to my heart. Its basic concept is a large-scale fanfic series set in the Eberron Dungeons and Dragons campaign setting, following a team of adventurers (or technically, a couple of teams with different agendas) as they travel across the world and find themselves enmeshed in the designs of an ancient evil. I thought I'd make a series of posts here covering some of the basics of the characters and ideas, hopefully in preparation for a return to actually writing it. If that sounds interesting, more after the cut!

Why Eberron?

Eberron is a setting I've found intriguing ever since it first launched back in the mid-2000s. It's at once immediately recognizable as a D&D setting, while also being something very distinct from, say, Dragonlance or the Forgotten Realms. Part of that is the general conceit; rather than a faux-Medieval or Renaissance based world, it's a world of industrialized magic that's just come off it's rough equivalent of World War I and is now in an era of uneasy peace. There's also it's greater focus on moral greyness and ambiguity, including largely dispensing with the notion of "always evil" races before that idea became mainstream, allowing for greater complexity in conflicts, while still allowing room for some genuinely dastardly villains. There's the general lack of high-powered heroic NPCs running around, firmly protagonizing the PCs (or just the protagonists, in the case of my story;)) in a way that say, the Forgotten Realms sometimes struggled with. And, of course, it has a bunch of unique concepts that are just dang cool.

 Unfortunately, the Eberron novel line petered out after only about forty novels (in contrast to the Realms, that has almost 300 and counting) and while some of them were fun, they didn't necessarily deal with the concepts that I really liked about the setting. Perhaps most obviously, the Eberron writing staff and fandom seemed to really love the warforged (for those not familiar, essentially sapient magical automatons created to fight in the Last War, who have to deal with their identity and newfound freedom now that the war is over) but they never quite clicked with me, despite seemingly every novel having its token warforged character. What really grabbed me were less-explored concepts - the kalashtar and their struggle with the Dreaming Dark (not only my favorite aspect of the setting, but one of my favorite fantasy concepts period!); the Aereni elves with their reverence for their magically-preserved ancestors and cultural fascination with the interplay of life and death; the lich Erands Vol, a tragic, broken messiah manipulating a whole religion in a vain attempt to realize her destiny; the Lords of Dust and the Chamber of Dragons pulling strings from the shadows, and the mortals caught between them. And so much more. 

And so I decided, if nobody else would write the Eberron epic of my dreams, I'd just have to do it myself:). After toying with some of these ideas for literally years, I finally got them into a form I mostly liked, and Game of the Ancients was born.

So what is Game of the Ancients, anyway?

Game of the Ancients is the story of a girl cursed with a power she never wanted, trying to find her place in the world; a bunch of mercenaries with issues of their own who she falls in with and maybe finds a home with; an aging warlord and his necromancer sidekick, who have their own interests in things; the ancient evil pulling all their strings for its own inscrutable ends; and all the people they meet along the way as their journey takes them across the face of the known world, and maybe beyond... 

 That melodramatic enough for you? To be more direct, Game of the Ancients is a series of fanfics; only the first fic and about half the second are actually written, though I know everything I want to do with the plot and the major character beats. I'd initially envisioned five fics (set on the continents of Khorvaire, Sarlona, Xen'drik, Argonessen and Aerenal, respectively) but am currently toying with splitting the last volume in two to give the plot enough breathing room, with the last volume focusing on the underworld of Khyber. Beginning with the "default setting" of Khorvaire, the goal is to take the characters across the setting and delve into various major locales and conflicts - and run afoul of some of the setting's major villains. 

 If you're interested in checking out what's already written, Volume I: Khorvaire is here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1293652/chapters/2683129 

 Volume II, Sarlona (unfinished) is here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10565145/chapters/23342292 

 From here, I'd like to take a deeper dive into some of my major characters, themes, plot choices and so on, as well as some of where I want to go with the series in the future and some aspects I'm not quite satisfied with, in individual posts. And I'll include some pics, too! We'll start off with one of the very first characters I created for this project, the one who, though she isn't really the main protagonist, nonetheless is in many ways the one who holds the whole thing together - Captain Len of the Wandering Blades mercenary company. See you there!