#i have four weeks to get my uni work done i do NOT have the time for an episode rn !!!

[pochapal]

suuuuuper unsexy of my shitbrain to start giving me repeated nightmares and deteriorating mental health like six months after experiencing an incident like.....a little slow to the party there bestie!

[ningtual]

i'm always going "oh i'll do this when i'll have time" but then i never have time and if i do find an afternoon or smth where i would have a little time then i'm so overwhelmed with all the things i wanted or have to do still that i ultimately do nothing 😻😻😻

[enwoso]

Hey! If you’d like a request I have an idea for grumpy. What if she starts calling Alessia her first name instead of mum. Like she copies the other girls on camp, but no one understands why she’s refusing to call her mum, she just wants to fit in with the big girls.

NOT MY NAME — alessia russo x child!reader

grumpy masterlist

you were often surrounded by someone at all times of the day whether that was your mummy or your mummy's teammates or as they were your honorary aunties.

this meant you picked up a lot of their little habits as well as copying them just cause you wanted to feel apart and fit in with your aunties.

sometimes these little habits were good things like making sure you said please and thank you while others may not be as good like your cheekiness that ella and georgia would gladly teach you to be a master of or your competitive drive that lucy and leah would instil in you.

however alessia never thought that at your small age of four she would be hearing you call her anything but mummy.

but you continue to surprise alessia day in and day out and here she was hearing you call her everything else but mummy.

alessia thought it was just a one time thing, you had heard her teammates and family and friends call her alessia, less or lessi your entire life so why now were you starting to call her it.

alessia had spent time trying to rack her brain around why you weren’t calling her mummy, she’d even asked some of the girls if they may have an idea but non of them could seem to figure out the riddle as to why.

she thought maybe you were just doing it as a joke but nearly two weeks is a long time for you to carry on a joke, especially when you had a tendency to forget things very quickly because of your young age.

ella had suggested maybe it was just something she had picked up at nursery, maybe you’d been learning about family trees and needed to know your mummy’s name for that. but then why would you carry on to call her by her name instead of mummy.

you had heard ella and your mummy’s teammates call her alessia, lessi and you liked it so you decided that’s what you would call your mummy from now on.

and it definitely hadn’t been a one time thing.

"lessi!" you called out, your mums head snapping up at your voice as her eyes froze at the words coming from your mouth. "alessia!" you said again tapping your mummy on the shoulder, your mum just blinking for a minute.

"that's not my name!" your mummy said firmly as she lifted you onto her knee. your turned your head to the side to look at your mummy with a small grin etched on your face.

"it is! it's lessi!" you grin back, the team coach filled with the arsenal players as they made the journey to manchester for the game at the weekend.

"no it's not!" alessia shook her head, moving you slightly so she could carry on the essay she was writing for her uni work, alessia had been hoping you were going to nap so she could get some work done but when had anything ever gone the way alessia had hoped.

"yes it is! that's what auntie tooney and leelee call you!" you pouted, you were getting frustrated with being told that you weren’t allowed to do as you wanted. a frown appearing on your face as you folded your arms across your chest.

"yes their allowed to, i'm mummy to you!" your mummy quickly said putting an emphasis on the word ‘mummy’ as she began to type on her laptop that was on the table in front of you.

"no alessia!" you huffed your voice getting a little louder as your mummy shushed you pointing to the sleeping girls in front of you, kyra and emily.

"it’s mummy!"

"alessia." you grumbled sliding down off your mummy’s lap as you were now in a sad mood, wandering off slowly to find someone who was awake or wasn’t watching their ipads which is what your mummy wished you were doing instead of arguing what you had to call her.

you found yourself tapping lotte on the arm, she wasn’t asleep and she wasn’t watching her ipad with headphones instead she was doing some hard looking puzzle, which was slightly hurting your eyes as you looked at it.

“hey little one, you wanna help?” lotte asked sweetly as you climbed into the seat beside her, grumbled a no as your forehead still had a crease in it from your deep frown you had on your face.

your face told lotte everything she needed to know. you were not in the happiest of moods.

“what’s got my tiny so frowny” she asked shutting her puzzle book and putting her pen down as your arms still rested on your chest.

“alessia being a meany.” you said simply as lotte blinked slightly as she tried to come to terms with what you had just said.

“alessia? you mean your mummy?” lotte now had a puzzle face and this definitely seemed like a harder puzzle to solve than the ones in her book. lotte was confused.

“she said i can’t call her alessia, only mummy.”

“well tiny she is your mummy” lotte said simply, slightly lost as she raised an eyebrow still not really getting your whole point but it was slowly coming back to her that alessia had mentioned that you had this new habit of calling your mummy by her proper name.

you first picking it up on england camp a couple weeks ago and alessia had told lotte how she hoped it was jsut going to be a thing that you forgot about but here you were nearly 11 days post england camp and you were still calling your mummy by her proper name.

alessia and tried to sit you down and explain why you shouldn’t call your mummy by her proper name but you were having non of it. you wanted to be like the big girls.

“but i wanna call her alessia like you do and auntie ella and lele call her, it not fair” the pout had came back as you stamped your foot against the seat you were sitting on, your legs being held up to your chest.

“hey no no, listen.” lotte cooed as she could see your bottom lip start to wobble, knowing that if she didn’t find a solution in the next few seconds then a meltdown was definitely imminent. lotte heart rate beating just that little bit faster.

“we do all call her alessia but that because we don’t get to call her by her special name that you do, only you can call her mummy” lotte continued talking in her calm voice which you did like to sit and listen to, lotte was one of the few people on the arsenal team that you would sit and listen to talk. there was something that you found so mesmerising in her voice.

“and when you don’t call her by her special name that’s just for you that upsets her a little cause that’s only for you to call her, just like she’s the only one that calls you lovie” lotte explained as you nodded your head slowly a pout was still on your face but lotte had managed to stop the meltdown, lottes heart rate able to return back to normal.

“but i wanna be like the big girls” there it was. there was the reason behind all the madness. you wanted to fit in.

“but us big girls want to be like you, cause your so cool. and i’ll let you into a secret, your the coolest russo i know!” lotte nudged you slightly, it getting you to unfold your arms as a small smile came on your fave as lotte pointed out that she saw your grin.

“so do you get why your mummy is saying you can’t call her alessia?” lotte asked hoping she had got through to you as you nodded confidently, you understood now. and hearing that you might be upsetting your mummy made you feel a little bad as you didn’t like when your mummy was upset even more so when she was upset with you.

“yes! cause i have a special nickname for her that’s just for me to call her by!” you smiled confidently as you repeated what lotte had said. a big nod coming from lotte as you spoke.

“nailed it! good job tiny!” lotte smiled proudly, feeling accomplished that she was able to explain such a topic to you and you understand her. lotte holding her hand out for you to high five.

you knew what you needed to do now, so you quickly slid of the chair next to lotte mumbling a thank you. “bye lotte”

you wandered you way carefully back to your seat next to your mummy, in a better mood than when you left your seat. tapping your mummy on the knee when you got back.

“yes baby?” alessia smiled small as she lifted her headphones off the top of her head.

“sorry…” you said quietly as she lifted you over onto the seat next to the window.

“it’s okay lovie, if you want to call me-“ alessia was ready to admit defeat, knowing there must be a reason as to why you were calling her by her actual name and decided that maybe it would be a phase and tomorrow you may go back to calling her mummy again.

whatever it was it wasn’t worth arguing with you about it.

“no your mummy, cause that’s my special name for you. just like yours for me is lovie!” you quickly cut off your mummy, alessia taking a minute to take in your words as alessia felt her heart strings be pulled at.

“and who helped you figure that out?” alessia asked her eyebrow raised slightly as she awaited to hear who gave you such wise words.

“auntie lotte!” your mummy gave a knowing nod as you revealed who it was, of course it was lotte.

“i’m really sorry, i just wanted to be like the big girls” you admitted, alessia feeling her heart go that little bit more. a pout now form on her lips as she pulled you in her lap, hugging you tightly.

“oh lovie, you don’t need to be like them. your perfect just the way your are. i want you to be the lovie i know and love” alessia grinned as she brushed a hair out of your face, you nodding as your mummy kissed the top of your head mumbling how much she adored you.

[cottonlemonade]

Brushing Your Stress Away

word count: 1321 || avg. reading time: 6 mins.

pairing: University AU!Tsukishima x chubby!Reader

genre: spice with fluff

warnings: mdni

request: Hello!! can me and my dear Tsukki get an 11 and 23 for lunch before i procrastinate? || fluffy-spicy, dealing with exam stress + studying together with boyfriend Tsukishima

Tsukishima didn’t even flinch when the pen zoomed past his head, bounced off the wall, and landed perfectly in his hamper. Without looking up from his notes, he asked, “Tough chapter?”

You groaned and let yourself fall on your back, arms and legs outspread like a starfish, “I wanted to study art because I love painting, not because I love remembering dates! This is impossible!”

You dramatically flung an arm over your eyes to drive your point home that you were done with studying.

“Come on, only 32 more minutes on the timer.”, your boyfriend said, turning a page and pushing your art history book closer to you.

“No.”, you pouted, wiggling a foot in defiance, “Don’t wanna.”

“So, you plan on working in a museum as… what? A barista?”

Letting your arm fall off your face, you turned your head to look at him, “You could come visit me during your breaks.”

“Not likely. Coffee is disgusting.”

“Not the point, Kei.”

“Resign to your fate or study for another 31 minutes. Either way, stop whining. Some of us want to focus.”

You sat back up, squinting indignantly at your boyfriend, who skillfully ignored you as his eyes skimmed the pages.

Letting out a small huff of boredom, you looked around his bedroom. When he invited you to come spend the break with him in Miyagi you were excited, even more so when on the drive here he casually mentioned that you’d be alone because his older brother was staying at uni with his friends and his mother was away on some conference. But four days of your precious week had already passed without so much as a roaming hand.

On a whim, you reached for your pencil case to take out a cheap replica of an old artist’s brush - a small gift from the souvenir shop Kei had gotten you the last time you visited a museum together. Turning it in your fingers to have something to do, you stared at the page of your book, admiring the pictures at least.

Kei meanwhile, chewed the inside of his cheek, throwing a quick glance over his glasses at you. He knew he wasn’t doing a particularly great job as a boyfriend right now.

To not make it too obvious what he was looking forward to the most during this week together - uninterrupted alone time with no nosy roommate to worry about or forgetting his key and having to spend the rest of his night on a bench in front of his building - he had put together quite the itinerary under the guise of how much you’ve nagged him to show you his hometown (you asked once). Somehow, being in his childhood home after the months away at university made him almost shy. If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought he felt guilty for bringing you here without telling his mother. However, if his shower thoughts were any indication, he wanted nothing more than to make use of the empty house with you - not seeming too eager, of course. He flipped a page without having read the previous one. Unless he finally acted on his impulses, you would return to academic life without even a good solid make-out session at this point.

A soft caressing sensation on his arm made him snap out of his thoughts. He found you running your brush along a faint vein on his wrist.

“What are you doing?”, he asked unnecessarily but didn’t pull away.

“Nothing.”

The smooth bristles followed his long fingers now one by one.

Without any conviction, he said instinctively, “Stop that.”, whilst really hoping you wouldn’t.

Luckily, you never listened to him, so instead you brought the brush up to his neck and tickled the sensitive spot under his ear. He shuddered and you laughed.

“You think this is funny?”, he asked.

“Hilarious, actually.”, you said.

He got to his knees and all too easily made you tumble backward, making sure to catch your head in his hand before towering over you. With a superior sneer, he took the brush from you.

“Let’s see how ticklish you are.”

Trapped between his long legs, you giggled and squirmed when he ran the brush under your chin, and you ducked your head between your shoulders to defend yourself. So he brought it to your ear.

“Stop!”

Your hand shot up to cover one side, but he just took this to mean he could attack the other. He sat back on his heels and in an attempt to hide the outline in his sweats, pursed his lips in fake pondering.

“Hmm… looks like you leave me no choice.”, he shrugged with a heavy sigh and unceremoniously lifted the hem of your shirt, making extra sure his palm, rough from the years of playing volleyball, dragged gently over your pillowy tummy as he did. You became very still, waiting for his next move. He felt you pressing your thighs together between his legs and scoffed while painting invisible lines on your skin as if he were sketching the outline of your bra.

“This is very much in the way.”, he said more to himself than to you and pulled a cup down from your breast. He leaned forward now, his free hand holding him up next to your head and with precise little teasing strokes he flicked the brush over your perked nipple. You made a small noise, one he loved to hear so much, so he did it again, and again.

“Pretty sure the other one is just as sensitive.”, he murmured and without warning, he pulled down the second cup, tucking it safely under your breast, then got the brush into position. You bucked your hips under him when he twirled the bristles this time.

“You’re right, this is fun.”, he noted and kissed you, not letting up on the teasing with the brush. You ground against him, making him gasp into the kiss.

“Will you finally focus on your studies if I give you what you want?” He had trouble catching his breath, was met with a very enthusiastic nod, and kissed you again.

Kei moved back, slowly dragging your sweats down with him, and had to suppress a dreamy groan. You were nothing short of perfection. With the pudgy tummy, the generous love handles, and full thighs you had always reminded him of beauty depicted in Renaissance paintings.

He shifted to lay on his stomach, propped up on his forearms, spinning the brush in his long fingers. A little spring of pride bloomed in him when he noticed a wet patch on your panties already.

The more he dragged the brush over the soaked fabric the more he noticed a definite gleam on the bristles. With the very tip of it, he focused on the pronounced little nub of your clit and was rewarded with a high moan. He was curious if he’d be able to make you cum just with a simple little painter’s brush when the door to his room slid open.

“WOAH!”

Akiteru spun around to look away.

“Sorry! I just heard a noise and - don’t mind me.”

“Why aren’t you in Tokyo?!”, Kei yelled in frustration, scrambling to his feet. A low rustling behind him told him you followed his example.

“Needed some fresh air?” His brother shrugged awkwardly, still with his back to him. “I’ll uhm… I’ll head to the convenience store. Should take me maybe 20 minutes. Do with that information what you will.”

He grabbed around behind him to find the handle before pulling the door closed again, then called from the hallway, “I’ll bring you some snacks!”

Kei exhaled, rubbing his eyes under his glasses, “I’m sorry… y/n, I- mfpg”, he was interrupted by you turning his head and yanking him down to you by the collar of his shirt to kiss him.

“You heard him, 20 minutes. Let’s go.”

a/n: reader was on mission! Thank you to the anon who requested this prompt! I hope you enjoyed it 🌟

[bananaactivity]

JAY AND BEN REDSIGNNN

The Boyssss

I’m working on a Benjay tragic romance fic and I had to design them right quick.

I like themmmm I’m gonna do Mal and Evie next then I’ll have the core four finished. They are 21 and 22 respectively. Ben’s always the youngest in my eyes.

I’m not getting rid of the beard idc. I’m adding more scars to Jay next time I draw him because why does Chad have more scars then an isle gang member, and know that half of them are because of Harry.

They have one specific nickname for the other,

Jays is Jay Jay, and Ben is Dumbas- I mean Benji

Here’s some context for there tragic relationship:

Mal and Evie get together after the Sea VK Battle on Harry Hooks boats instead of Ben and Mal. Thus the core four minus Jay are nervous that Ben will retaliate to this by kicking them out of Auradon Uni and off Auradon as a whole. Ben meanwhile has been raised in such a way that he is absolutely terrified of being alone. Jay has just just had to grapple with the fact that he had feelings for Harry beyond a really intriguing rivalry and he can't act on that because of Harry and Umas relationship that was already a steady under current and bloomed even more during the VKs 1st year tenure at Auradon Uni. As well as dealing with all his friends slowly separating in college which is typical. So Ben and Jay are both dealing with feelings of abandonment and stress, neither of them want to think about that pain and would do anything to mask it. Jay is much better equipped to handle this enough to at least seem functional to his friends, but he's teetering on the edge. Jay ended up being the first person to speak with Ben ,who was an absolute wreck, after he stayed holed up in his very fancy prince dorm for many weeks. They already had good chemistry with one another prior and Ben comes onto Jay. It feels good to both, and it's doing what they want in regards to ignoring the bigger deeper issues at play. It's also a secret because obviously a heavily charged and unhealthy relationship like that would be heavily discouraged. Warning, this is not gonna end with a healthy relationship. Some feelings are real like they don't want to actively use and hurt each other, but the emotions at play and the rough start to the relationship DO NOT lay solid ground to foster a good long lasting relationship.

I’m also going to add one fic I wrote from Ben’s Perspective beware it’s not done:

Being a Prince was a tough job. There was so much pressure on him to be a great future king. One major aspect of that was his future spouse; his mother was always bothering him relentlessly on the topic as he grew up. “ Benjamin, Darling you must choose a good spouse, it is imperative to the people's perception of you.” his mother would often say. The constant narrative of “dont be alone” was always pressed on him so hard in fact that he couldn't bare the thought of being alone. It got so bad that that he went with the first present options of someone to court. It was stressful when he and Audrey were courting, the constant trailing during dates stressed him out as well as the media coverage analyzing their every move. Aubrey herself seemed more concerned with the respect that comes with being a queen. Nobody really liked her very much, but she was pretty and she was sweet during those first years. Unfortunately that all faded as the years went by and he felt there was no way out. He couldn't be alone. Then came Mal, she was beautiful and sweet. But she was hopelessly in love with her best friend and her best friend felt the same. It almost became this rush to him to wed her before she could leave and yet he felt so bad about it. He didn't want to be alone. But he pushed it and was alone anyway. The big ass walls in his dorm felt like a cage. What was he to do but sit in his room and cry. And he was alone, which he didn't want to be. Then Jay showed up. Jay handsome, good at Tourney, an excellent swords-man and his closest friend. Looking into his concerned brown eyes, he remembered leaping into his arms. There wasn't much conversation to be had as he was a bawling mess. All he could remember from that night was staring into those eyes for as long as he could and making a move that even he didn't expect. He kissed his best friend. And it felt good, really good. The best part of this situation was that the amazing feelings completely washed over the awful ones that led him to that very moment.Until Jay moved away, he was expressing concerns about the sudden atmosphere; yet he was into it. He had kissed him back and moved his face to kiss him again once they got over that little hurdle. The time spent felt… really nice. It was more intense than anything that had happened before for him. But maybe that was because he had thrown himself so totally into the sensations at play so that no semblance of sadness could worm their way back into his heart.

It was such a drug that they both implored to keep it up. He defended this continuous indulgence with the belief that it was allowing him to show his face on campus.Spending time suffocating in his fancy prince class: “ Kinging 101: The study of Class Disparity” waiting for the pleasant feeling of rough calloused hands pushing him into the corridor just near the lecture room. Every time he felt those hands he breathed a sigh of relief.

If you want to read more check out the pinned post on my blog which has 18 pages of my Descendants AU.

[jensky2000]

In case you haven't heard, I started a new fanfic on AO3. It's a WIP. The first 5 chapters are posted. More to come in two weeks. (or less.) A wee peek below ⬇️ (Readers can attest. Nothing is what it seems in this story.)

"I Love Her First"

In a small three block radius in Glasgow, Scotland, Claire owns a flower shop and Jamie is a firefighter. Claire and Jamie are best friends and roommates. Claire is in a relationship with Frank. Jamie is happily single. Claire and Jamie's friendship is different than most, but it works for them. When things progress with her and Frank, Jamie has to admit to his real feelings before it's too late.

Chapter 1 "The Firefighter"

I set both slow cookers to low. It will be ready before dinner break with plenty of time to spare. I can see everything from the top floor of the firehouse. The sun is well over the horizon. The shops are open, and a few people meander along the street. Howie, Mr. Johnson’s son, parks in the fire lane in front of his father’s shop. He has been warned a dozen times for that. Agnes across the street waters her flower boxes. She lets them overflow while she waits to catch a glimpse of Mr. Johnson. Her neighbor will complain about the puddles on the sidewalk. It’s a very quiet and predictable neighborhood. Quiet is good and it has been all night. The rest of my crew are sleeping. I have an hour before dayshift shows up. I make myself comfortable on the couch and flip through the channels. My phone buzzes next to me. I tap on the screen. My roommate.

Claire: Sorry I used the last of the milk for my coffee. Could you maybe pick some up on your way home. Please. You know I hate shopping for food. Also Frank is picking me up at the shop for an early dinner before he leaves.

Jamie: I will pick up milk and anything else we need. Send me a list. Have fun with Frank.

Have fun with Frank. Frank and fun do not belong in the same sentence. She loves him. And she’s my best friend and roommate so of course I need to be supportive. Frank and Claire have been together since our final year at Uni. Frank is older. She met him at a party. Ironically the one party Claire went without me. I was on a date. If I was there, things would have played out differently. I would have steered Claire away from Frank. It’s not that I don’t like him. Not at all. He’s fine. He’s just Frank. She can do much better.

Claire: You’re the best. See you later.

Hm. I drop the phone next to me and find a mindless show to pass the time.

I must have dozed off because before I know it I hear the banging of the lockers downstairs. “Jamie, my boy. You’ve done it again. Smells incredible. What is it?” Dougal, the fire chief, deep voice echoes in the quiet lounge.

“My Ma’s beef stew. I may have tweaked the recipe. Threw in some extra spices.” I stretch and look at my watch. “In 7 hours turn the knob to ‘keep warm’. You’ll be all set to eat.”

He searches the counter. “Did you make the biscuits too?”

“Aye. They’re in the fridge with instructions.”

“Ah you’ve done good, kid. Now get out of here.” He pats me on the back. I take one step towards the door and the alarm blasts. Dougal rushes to his office. I follow him and lean against the door frame.

He looks up from the screen. “Fire at Sullivans Bakery. We got this. Go.”

“You sure?”

“Go. You need your sleep.” He waves me off. I grab my things and run down the back stairs to stay out of the way. The sirens blare loud enough to alert the whole neighborhood and surrounding ones too. I head in the direction of the flat that Claire and I have shared for the past four years. It’s three blocks from the firehouse. I stop at the corner store to pick up milk and a few other things. My phone buzzes. Another text from Claire reminding me to feed DB. Our cat. Claire named him David Beckham. I quickly shortened it to DB. I climb the stairs to our top floor flat and open the door. Immediately I feel stifled. Claire likes it a balmy 74 degrees year-round. I on the other hand prefer it frigid. I lower the temp and climb into bed with the tv remote..

Hours later, I wake to the sound of my alarm. The remote sits on the bed next to me. I was asleep before I even had a chance to watch the morning news. The tv hums quietly on the wall across from me. I scroll through the channels. Station after station no mention of the early morning fire at the bakery. It’s in the other direction of Claire’s flower shop so no worries there. I pick up my phone. A bunch of missed texts. Claire sent me a picture of a flower arrangement. She does that when she’s particularly proud of one. A text from Rupert going into great detail about the fire this morning. Electrical. Everyone is safe. That’s the important part. Another text from Chloe canceling our plans for tonight. Time to get up. I shower, throw on a t-shirt and gym shorts. DB naps comfortably on the windowsill. I order a pizza. Half pepperoni. Half plain.

I settle on the couch with the pizza on the coffee table and beer in my hand. The doorknob wiggles. Claire. She always has trouble with the lock. I hear voices. She didn’t bring Frank here, did she? She wouldn’t do that. Not since last time and that disaster. She pushes the door open and quickly closes it. She’s alone. I can relax.

She whispers, “Mrs. Cook is such a talker. I lied and said I wasn’t feeling well to get away.” She looks at the pizza then back to me. “Why are you here?”

“Pfft. Hello to you too, Claire.” I take a swig of beer and take in her outfit for the first time. Sleeveless, tight black dress emphasizing her generous curves, bare legs. I quickly focus on something else before she catches me.

She throws her bag on the counter. “Tsk. You’re cranky.”

“My date canceled.”

“What was her name again?”

I grunt. “Chloe.”

“Aw. Why did she cancel?” She sits next to me on the couch.

“She didn’t say. It was a second date. No big deal. I wasn’t that into her.”

“That’s right. She was the low talker. Played with her hair too much.”

“Mm hm.” I reach forward to take another slice of pepperoni and offer her a slice of plain. She takes it happily. Her tongue moistens her lips after the first bite. She groans and leans forward to see the top of the box. Her dress rides a little higher. Now I’m licking my lips. She hums, “Antonio’s. You went all out tonight.”

She settles in next to me. We sit shoulder to shoulder. “How’s Frank?” I ask because I should.

“Frank. He’s good.” She takes a bite and snuggles closer. I glance at the goosebumps on her thighs. The air is too cold. That will be the next thing she says. “What’s the temperature in here?”

“Don’t you worry about that.” I mumble and close the pizza box. I stretch my legs out on the coffee table, and she does the same. I follow the lines of her long legs. “Frank was ok with you wearing those?” I point to her strappy black stilettos.

“No. Of course he wasn’t. I was eyeball to eyeball with him. I might have been even a little taller. Whatever. They look cute with the dress.”

“Mm hm.” I agree and laugh at something on tv.

“Oh shit. I just remembered what I wanted to tell you!” She grabs my forearm. “Frank wants to get a tattoo. Can you believe it?”

“Uh no. Frank. Christ no. What and where?”

“The symbol for doctors. Whatever they call that…on his bicep. He’ll never go through with it.” She shrugs. “It’s a pity. I do think they’re sexy.”

“You do?”

“Oh yea. Major turn on.”

“Really? Do you think I should get one?”

She twists her body to face mine. “Hm. I think one right here would be hot.” She places her hand on my left pec and squeezes. “Your fire station number or truck. Flames. Or…” She traces a design with her fingertip. I grab her wrist and kiss the inside.

Her breath catches. “Jamie.”

“Claire.” I hold her gaze.

“What are you thinking?” She bats her lashes.

“I’m thinking my date cancelled. Frank’s gone. It’s still early.  I thought maybe we could…” I waggle my eyebrows.

She holds back a smile. “I mean we’ve already seen all the latest releases on Netflix.”

“True. And you’ve been stressed with work and such.” I toy with the hem of her skirt.

“It does relax me. Will you go down on me?”

“Aye. If you like…” My cock twitches.

“I like.” She giggles. I stretch my neck and ask for her mouth. She holds up her finger. “Ah ah. You know the rules. No kissing.”

“Claire.” She has all these stupid rules. No kissing. No sleeping in the same bed. Not during the day. She used to make me shut the lights too. I got that one overturned. I want to see her.

“Jamie.” She gives me a stern look.

“Fine. Take your panties off.”

She stands before me and raises her dress. Tiny black lace panties. A scrap of fabric. A thrill runs through me knowing Frank hadn’t a clue what his lass had on under her dress. But I do. Fuck I do. I salivate knowing what comes next. She pushes them over her hips. I slide to the floor and rest my head back on the cushions.

“Sit on my face, Claire.” My voice is hoarse with desire. She straddles me and lowers her body until she meets my mouth. I have the best view in Glasgow. No. The world. She holds onto the back of the couch and rides my face. I’m relentless. I want her to come and quick because I’m aching for my turn. I clasp onto her hips and double my efforts. She calls out. Nothing incoherent either. She’s very clear. My name followed by instructions. It’s a major turn on. I don’t care if the whole building can hear us. Yeah our neighbors suspect something. Frank doesn’t. That’s all the matters. Because if he found out I fuck his girlfriend, she would end this. And that cannot happen.

“Oh God, Jamie. Yes. Yes. Don’t stop.” She holds my head in place as she comes all over my chin. I lick up every last drop. She moans. “Christ. You’re so good at that….”

I pant, “Get down here and ride me.”

“Don’t you want me to return the favor?” She moistens her lips. I’m tempted. Very tempted.

“Next time. You’re tight and soaking wet. I want to be in you.” I push my gym shorts down. My cock springs free. “Get on.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Condom.” I open the coffee table drawer and she takes one out of the small box hidden in the back. We learned a long time ago to keep them close by. She rips the wrapper off with her teeth and covers my cock. She lowers herself down taking me whole. My head rolls back. I pull her dress off and undo her bra. She likes to stay covered. I’m not having it. I like her breasts bouncing in my face.

"Did you feed remember to feed DB?" She changes her angle. Christ.

I grunt. "Yes. I fed him."

"I'm worried about him. He's moving slower than normal." She pants as she picks up the pace.

"He seems fine to me."

“Jamie.”

“What?”

“I’m going to come again.” She bucks her hips furiously.

“Ok, so?”

“I didn’t want to catch you off guard. Then you’ll get excited and it will end too soon. You hate that.” She never stops riding me. We’ve gotten very good at having full conversations while fucking.

“I do. But contrary to what you think, I do know when you’re close. There’s no catching me off guard.”

“You know?”

“Aye. Your walls squeeze my cock so tight sometimes I think you are going to break it off.” I smirk. “There’s other signs too.”

“Like what?”

Careful. “Other stuff.”

“Tell me.”

“You make noises.” And your face has the sweetest, sexiest expression sometimes I think about it when I’m not with you, and I get hard.

“I do not.” She pouts. It’s too cute. I lift her up and slam her down. My balls are getting tight.

“Oh aye. And loud too.”

“Do I feel like I’m close now?”

“No. But I can make you.” I bite my lip and sit up straight until her legs spread wider. I take her nipple in my mouth and suck hard. She whimpers and her head rolls back. That’s it. There we go.

“Oh Jamie. Yes.”

“You’re tight and very close. Ride me and we’ll come together.” And she does. My balls ache. She’s going to have rug burn at this rate. “That’s it, lass.”

She frowns.

“I mean, Claire.” I give her a tight smile. She laughs. It does something. It vibrates through her. Through me. There we go. Her mouth pops open. I’m tempted to kiss her. As I always am. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s only natural. I slam her down one last time. We both call out. I can almost hear our neighbors cursing us out.

I rest my head on her shoulder while we catch our breath. She goes to pull away. I bite her. “Jamie! Let go.”

I release my grip. She stands and walks away still wearing her stilettos. I watch from the living room floor. She’s right. It’s never long enough and I hate it. She tosses me a box of tissues and a water bottle before she enters her bedroom. Minutes later I hear her shower running. I would join her if this was more than sex but it’s not.

[its-time-to-write]

i hold it like a grudge - ch. 1

okayyy so I’m completely done with this fic! I’m editing my posts now, and I’m not sure if it’ll all get done tonight. Definitely tomorrow. Here’s the first chapter, hope you enjoy!

table of contents you have everything (you still want more)

To say you were blindsided would be a gross understatement. 

You were metaphorically slapped in the face so hard that you feel like you have a broken neck due to whiplash.

Your boyfriend had been away for the week with his football team, and you hadn’t been able to go with him. So you’d done what any WAG would do and watched the match on his giant telly, all decked out in pale blue.

Life with Jamie Tartt as your boyfriend was great. You’d been dating since secondary school while he was in the academy. It was strange to go from chicken shop dates to meals that cost more than your rent. He’d promised to pay for your uni fees which was a godsend because there was no way you’d be able to afford it on your own. You both had a whole future planned together.

Which is why you’re shocked to see Jamie’s name in the papers, followed by the name Keeley Jones.

And a picture of them kissing.

You aren’t even googling him when you find out. You’re out for groceries of all things, groceries for his welcome-home dinner in a day and a half. His name catches your eye so you stop to smile at him before you realize what you’re looking at.

The world goes fuzzy, your gaze locked on their lips.

In a single moment, your world has been tilted completely on its head.

You find yourself in Jamie’s too-large flat, staring at your phone, willing yourself to press the green call button.

You take a shallow breath and hold the phone up to your ear. It rings once, twice, almost to the point where it’ll go to voicemail, but then you hear Jamie say, “What?”

“What?” you reply, “what do you mean, what? I should be the one asking you that? What the fuck are you doing kissing an instagram model??”

Jamie snorts and says four words that cause your heart to drop like a stone.

“We’re broken up, babe.”

Your breath is coming in too fast and too shallow. “When were you going to tell me that we fucking broke up? And don’t call me babe!” you choke out.

Jamie says, “Thought it were implied,” in a dismissive voice. It’s foreign to you. He’s never spoke to you- to anyone like this before.

“Right, okay, yeah, makes total sense. I find out we’ve broken up after seeing you in the papers with another girl,” you retort.

“Glad it’s finally clicking,” Jamie says. It’s strange how much he can hurt you, even through the phone. 

A voice calls him in the background, a voice you presume belongs to Keeley Jones, and then there’s silence. He’s hung up. 

You stare at your phone for a long, long time. 

—

All you can think about is what you did wrong. You comb Jamie’s flat for anything that belongs to you, shove it into your car, and drive back to your own, too-small too-crowded flat. 

You wonder if you were too clingy as you carefully fold up every Man City kit. You think it’s possible you weren’t affectionate enough as you stack every polaroid photo. You wonder if maybe it has to do with your physical appearance as you hunt for scissors and some matches.

You try to make yourself not care as you burn the photos and cut up the shirts.

Your hands linger over a maroon away kit. It was always your favorite, and for a moment you consider keeping it.

Then you remember Jamie saying, glad it’s finally clicking as though you never meant anything, so you grab the scissors and cut it into shreds.

—

Uni is out of the question. There is absolutely no way you’re going to be able to afford it so you start two full-time jobs. 

Every day feels like a struggle to breathe. You get out of bed and tell yourself I can do this as you get ready for work and tighten your budget. The drowning feeling never quite goes away, but the months pass all the same. 

You’re grateful that although you don’t save a lot of money, you’re able to pay your bills on time. Your flatmates generally leave you alone when you’re home, but you’ve found ice cream in the freezer with your name on it that you know you didn’t buy. They’ll place a blanket over you every time you fall asleep on the couch, and fervently ban all Manchester City merchandise from entering the flat.

Breakthrough comes in the form of a gift.

A literal gift, and one you’re giving, not receiving.

It’s a set of earrings for a friend, hoops with her name set around them. She wears them to work exactly once, and the next thing you know, orders are pouring in. 

It’s enough that you quit one job, then the next, then hire both flatmates to help you in the evenings. Pretty soon, there’s an opportunity for you to open a small shop in a part of London. You get a larger flat (all to yourself!) and before long, Manchester blue no longer haunts you.

—

The bell above the door rings, signifying a customer. 

“Hi, you okay?” you say from behind the counter. You turn around and lock eyes with Keeley Jones, followed by Jamie Tartt.

Just breathe.

Jamie looks spooked, well, he looks spooked to you. Not sure if anyone else would know his expressions well enough to catch the shock cross his face. Keeley smiles brightly, and you can see that same adoring look you used to have. Maybe a little muted, she’s more mature than you were, so she probably understands her role in this relationship. Enjoy it while you can, get out before it hurts.

You can’t think about it now so before Jamie can ruin anything more you decide to play dumb and fucking introduce yourself as though your ex-boyfriend and the woman he shagged behind your back aren’t in your safe space that you created to escape him.

Keeley didn’t know, you remind yourself, except at this point it’s more of a prayer of faith hingeing on Jamie’s apparent selfish nature. There’s a good chance he didn’t mention you, a far cry from the boy who used to follow you grocery shopping because he liked to be with you (and so he could slip his card in the register before you had a chance to protest).

“Hi, I’m Keeley,” she says with a smile. “This one’s Jamie, but you’ll be hearing more about him I’m sure. He’s a footballer on loan to AFC Richmond, and he’s fucking brilliant on the pitch.”

You copy her smile. “How can I help you?”

“I saw your earrings on instagram, and I absolutely had to get some. Then when we moved here, I wanted to see your shop! And this one said he’d get them for me, isn’t that sweet?” 

Keeley wraps herself around Jamie’s arm, oblivious to the way he can’t figure out how to react.

He settles on a nod and a grunt, so you pull out different hoop sizes and letter fonts, and get to work.

She settles on gold, with tiny letters spelling Keeley.

“They’ll be ready for pickup in three days,” you say, ushering them out the door.

Keeley hasn’t stopped smiling this whole time and in contrast, Jamie hasn’t stopped frowning, but they’ve made their purchase and are headed down the street.

The moment they’re well and truly gone, you pull out your phone and Google, Jamie Tartt richmond. The top results are all about his loan from City to AFC Richmond, your Richmond; your escape is no longer an escape. It’s only a matter of time before his face is plastered all around town. The thought of it turns your stomach.

But there’s no way you’ll ever see him. 

So you get through your day like normal, head back home, and play too-loud music through your headphones as you cook dinner. By the time it’s ready, you’re dancing to Islands in the Stream with all worries about Jamie firmly banished from your mind.

table of contents

[historiavn]

SPILLING THE TEA ON ME AND MY HABITS AS A ROLEPLAY PARTNER (except the tea is an explanation and NOT an excuse because that would suck)

MY SILENCE IS NOT HATRED, AND I CAN BE SILENT FOR A VARIETY OF REASONS.

As I explained in my rules document, I am currently in year five of six of university. This means that one of those reasons is university-related, in the sense that I might be busy with my uni courseload or extracurriculars.

I also might only have the energy or muse to respond to some threads / messages and not to others. This is the type of thing that leads to me frequently responding to threads / messages from months ago, often to the great bafflement of my writing partners.

IF I FOLLOW YOU, I WANT TO INTERACT AT SOME POINT.

Our writing styles might mesh well together, or we might share fandoms (even if I don’t have A Character on my roster for that fandom, I can still create verses for my muses in that fandom and / or I want to fangirl about said fandom with you)

Sometimes, it just takes me a hot minute to figure out How to have our muses interact, even if I Know I want to interact with you. This “hot minute” in question might be a few days, a few weeks, a whole entire month, or maybe in the most extreme cases, a year.

If you follow me first, pretty please with sugar on top fill out my interest tracker so that I know who you want to write with?

MY MUSE IS INCREDIBLY SPORADIC AND ANNOYINGLY SPONTANEOUS.

Ah, the classic dilemma of AuADHD, amirite?

With the impulsive nature of my fixations, a thread I have muse for one week might not have that same level of muse a couple weeks later. I used to just drop these threads, but I’m working on getting better about actually following through on coming back to threads when I do get muse for them. If you’ve noticed me responding to threads from two, three, or even four months ago, that’s why that’s happening.

The only time I’ll drop a thread or dynamic is when I get soft / hard blocked by whoever I’m writing with or the other person tells me that they want to drop a thread.

When in doubt, assume that I haven’t dropped a thread unless I tell you explicitly that I’m dropping a thread.

Dropped threads don’t mean dropped dynamics.

I have no specific schedule; I tend to reply to whatever threads / messages / memes I have muse for in that immediate moment first. But please do not assume that my silence means a lack of interest!

I’M QUITE SHY AND ABSOLUTELY AWFUL AT COMMUNICATING WITH RP PARTNERS.

I’m trying to get better at it and work on conquering my fear of confrontation and social anxiety in the process, but please bear with me because it is an Ongoing Effort.

ngl this hobby has actually done wonders for helping me handle my social anxiety but there’s still a LONG way to go. if I follow you first and I’m taking forfuckingEVERRR to reach out, just know I’m gathering courage to do so.

[uzlolzu]

Hi uzlolzu! Your art is so unique and captivating you've been my favourite artist since I was a teenager! I've recently graduated uni now and have done some freelance jobs here and there and I'm wondering how someone goes about building a stable freelance career as an illustrator. Can you share how you started?

Hello and thank you! That’s flattering and I’m very happy to hear it.

I can! Or I will try. It’s a pretty tricky question to answer, because my path into this has been organic and, in a way, one of least resistance.

In short: I was born into it.

Not in an “I’m the chosen one” way, of course, but in that my parents are artists and designers. Both currently work as graphic designers and have worked with illustration in the past. My mum is also a tailor and my dad is a wood carver (my sister does wonderful ceramics and has an education in tailoring too). Art and design, and working in those fields, is a core pillar of my family life.

All of this was pretty convenient for me regarding pursuing a career in illustration; I’ve always had access to all digital and traditional materials I’ve ever needed to draw or paint or do any craft (my first tablet was a 1999 Wacom Intuos 1), I grew up in an environment that was encouraging even when nothing was said, AND I had my parents’ extensive professional network available to me as soon as I was old enough to work. That last part has probably been more important than my level of skill ever was. I was lucky. I hit the ground running. So I can’t really remember a time where design or art of some sort wasn’t already my “career” (in my mind, I had an art career when I was four). It took quite a few years before I understood that I could technically have other jobs.

That said, my first paid jobs were photo editing ones that I got through my parents, not illustration. They were touch-ups, extending, cropping, resizing, masking… Those things that Photoshop often can do on its own now (or at least streamline) but couldn’t when I started almost 20 years ago (though PS and I have been friends for almost 30). Eventually, I got to do small illustrations for the same publications I had edited photos for, as well as some others. These kinds of illustrations still constitute a large part of my work hours, though in greater numbers and larger batches. They aren’t the flashiest, but they pay well. I also still work with my parents often. We’re all self-employed, but it’s really a family business setup at the core.

Moving outside of my inherited network…: I got my table top RPG-jobs by becoming part of the Swedish indie and semi-indie TTRPG scenes, which aren’t very big. It was straightforward to be visible enough and many people had their own (often tiny) projects that needed illustrations. Some of them contacted me. I think a not insignificant portion of the Swedish TTRPG game designers know who I am now, but I started small. Role-playing is one of my biggest hobbies, so networking came naturally. In my experience, these are flashier pictures to make, but rarely pay well (with some glorious exceptions). Anyway: If you have a specific field you want to work in, get involved in that field. There’ll probably be more people who want illustrations than people who illustrate in it.

Then there’s the concept art. I worked as a concept artists for Ubisoft Massive for a few years, and got this job partly through the game developer school (The Game Assembly) that I went to and partly because of my skills, I guess. But TGA and its proximity to Massive was instrumental. Game art is the only profession I have a formal education in.

So, when I started “officially”, I was already in a pretty good situation for it. Another important factor in my case, I think, is that I’m comfortable with many illustrator-adjacent disciplines as well, since the “packaging” or context of an illustration has always interested me. I use Adobe Illustrator and InDesign every week. Sometimes I do design work (layouts, logotypes, powerpoint presentations, annual reports, diagrams…), and I often do the in-betweens (infographics. Icons, patterns, other kinds of logotypes…). I prefer illustration and the in-betweens, but being open to branching out has given me more clients and, as a result, the ability to choose more freely which jobs I accept.

Either way. It’s really helped me to know a little something about all parts of a project, planning phase to phinished product. It makes it easier to talk to everyone involved, whatever their position and profession – programmer or printer. I know how to make a book from start to finish. It’s neat.

And, as you can see, there’s a lot of luck involved here and even if I know when I started getting paid, I can’t really say when I started developing the skills and the network I needed. That’s been a life-long process. And, of the two, I think the network has been more important for landing jobs than the depth of any particular skill of mine (though the variety of them might have helped). The more people who know you, the easier it’ll be, and that number of people will grow with the number of jobs you do. And I might as well add that physical meetings have worked better for me than just online contact. It’s easier to remember someone you’ve met, even if it was just for a few seconds.

And to finish off, I’ll add a few work samples that differ from what I generally post on Tumblr, since the ability to work in many styles has also benefitted me:

(Don’t let the text in the yellow box fool you. It’s Swedish lorem ipsum.)

[daydreamsandafternoonteafics]

Let's Pretend It's Love-Chapter 2

banner by ren

I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut, could I?

This certainly wasn’t the first time in my life I’d told a lie. When I was four I’d told Mum that Penny had broken the crystal vase she loved dearly when in reality it was my grimy hands that had done the deed. When I was ten I’d tricked my class mates into thinking I was blood related to the Queen and at seventeen I’d lovingly convinced my best friend that the pouffy, peach colored dress she chose to wear to formal didn’t make her look fat when indeed it did.

But the lie I’d told Mum and Penny earlier that week was probably the hardest to get out of.

I wasn’t the type of girl to get into committed relationships. Casual dating was more so my thing. You know, dinner, drinks, a movie, perhaps a little snogging (if I was lucky, more) and a broken promise to call in a couple of days.

If fact, I can’t even remember the last time I’d gone on a date with a guy more than twice. Mum assumed it was simply because I couldn’t get a guy to stick around long enough but honestly, long term relationships just didn’t appeal to me.

Now that I’d made them think I’ve had a boyfriend for sometime now, there’s no way they’d let it go. I could hope and pray that the hullabaloo of Penny’s wedding would make them forget it but the chances were rather slim. Especially with my history regarding boys.

That left me with two choices.

Plan A: I could either confess and go back to being the lonely, cat loving loser I am

Or

Plan B: I could quickly snag a boyfriend

Plan B sounds like my best bet.

“You’re late.” Jessa’s cheerful voice rang as I entered the shop, the brass bell ringing behind me. She didn’t even have to turn her back to know it was me straggling in late. After all, it was Saturday and only she and I were on shift.

“I know, but I came with coffee and a cinnamon scone so I reckon I’ll be excused.” I replied with a smile as I sat the cardboard drink tray down on the store’s counter before shrugging off my jacket and joining her behind the cash register.

It seemed like I’d been forever since I started working at the little shoe shop. In my second year of Uni, my parents had decided that it was far too expensive to pay college tuition and flat expenses for both Penny and I. I was the oldest(by thirty minuets) so they encouraged me “take responsibility” and get a job.

Lucky for me, Jessa and I had become good friends and her parents owned a little shoe shop that specialized in leather goods. They didn’t blink to hire me. After Uni Jessa’s parents retired and she took over the shop. I on the other hand had no idea what to do with my English degree so I simply stayed put.

Even luckier for me, things were getting rather hectic for Jessa running the shop by herself so she’d moved me up to a manager position. It wasn’t the job that I’d dreamed of but it was just enough to put clothes on my back, a roof over my head, food on the table( or rather many boxes of take away) and occasionally buy fancy feast for my cat. Plus it was really nice to work with someone I had a close friendship with.

Jessa’s eyes lit up as she spun around to face me. “Blond roast, three packets of sugar and extra cream?” She questioned.

I nodded. “Just how you like it.” I replied extending the coffee and pastry to my friend.

Jess eagerly accepted it but narrowed her light brown eyes at me warily.

“I appreciate it, Love but quite frankly I’m a little scared.” Jess declared before taking a sip of coffee.

“What makes you say that?” I asked greedily biting into a blueberry scone I’d gotten for myself.

“Because you’re coming in with scones and coffee and let’s be real, you never do that unless I ask you to. And on top of that, you’re in a hella decent mood for it to be 9:30.”

I shrugged. “Maybe, I just felt like surprising my lovely best friend this morning, that’s all.” I replied sweetly. Okay, so maybe I did have a hidden agenda.

We munched on our breakfast in silence for a while. Jess and I had that kind of friendship where we didn’t always have to always talk. When I had finished devouring the rest of my scone, I brushed the crumbs off my fingers and sighed.

“Jess, do you happen to have any male friends that are single?” I asked innocently, hoping to ease my way into the conversation whilst stirring another packet of sugar in my coffee. Jessa started at me incredulously as she began unlocking the cash register. We was about 7 minuets left until opening time.

“Maybe. Why?” She retorted. I bit the corner of my lip hoping to make up a good excuse.

“Well, I was just hoping to get back on the dating scene again. It’s been a while you know.” I replied.

“Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?” Jess accused pointing the cash register keys as If they were some kind of weapon. I held hands up in surrender.

“Jessa, please. I really need a boyfriend right now.” I pleaded. For the first time in my life I was desperate for a guy and for all the wrong reasons.

Jess raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at me as she moved from behind the counter and turned the the store’s sign around to let customers know we were now open.

“So much for being single and independent.” She mumbled.

“Well, how about being single and ready to mingle?” I suggested which earned me another side eye from Jessa. She was going to break me down of it was the last thing she did.

“Okay, Jess. I said something stupid. I said something bloody stupid.” I confessed. Jessa frowned slightly, joining me behind the cash register.

“What’d you get yourself into this time?” She asked folding her arms across her chest.

I sighed. “Mum and Penny and I had lunch Wednesday and Penny announced her engagement and then Mum said I couldn’t get a boyfriend and so I kinda told them I had one and now they want to meet him."I blurted.

Jess started at me, a disapproving expression settling on her pretty face.

Jessa was like a Twenty-something year old mother to me. She was the voice of reason, always there to coach me through the stupid situations I got my self into.

"Jess, I was angry and I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to prove them wrong once.” I whined.

“So now you need a boyfriend to cover up the lie you told?” Jessa asked.

See, this is exactly why we’re friends. She understands my motives no matter how ludicrous they may be.

“Yes! Exactly!” I shouted. My friend shrugged.

“Well, I don’t exactly know where you’re going to find a bloke that’ll make you his girlfriend on the spot. You can try Tinder.” Jess replied with a shrug.

I sighed. “And make my self available to thousands of potential ax murders? I don’t think so .” I replied folding my arms across my chest.

Jessa reached over giving me a friendly pat on the back.

“The right guy will come in due time, Pres.” She assured me.

I sighed. “That’s the thing Jess. I don’t have time.”

Our conversation was cut short by the brass bell of the shop ringing indicating our first customer of the day.

“G'morning Jessamine, Presley.” Rang that familiar, slightly raspy voice. The defining sound of his old boots were enough to give me a headache as he sauntered toward the counter.

Harry Styles was Jess’ favorite customer and the only person in the world who would dare call her Jessamine. He was our age, tall and lanky with legs that seemed to go on for days that were usually accentuated by black skinny jeans.

He had the oddest sense of fashion which mostly consisted of flamboyantly printed shirts. His mum obviously didn’t teach him the use of buttons either because he hardly seemed to use them on the shirts that he wore.

Harry’s love for boots came as no surprise. The only thing her ever brought in the store had something to do with boots. Shoe laces for boots, polish for his leather boots, wrinkles removed from his boots, cleaner for his suede boots, you name it.

Jessa grinned. “Hiya, Harry. What can we do for you today?” She asked.

Harry ran a hand through his wild curls.

“I reckon I’m in need of a polish.” He replied.

I’m not quite sure what made Harry Jess’ favorite customer. He was nice enough and cute enough so I guess those were good enough reasons.

Hmmm. Harry was rather easy on the eyes and he did seem to be rather fond of Jess and I. I think I’m starting to get a wicked idea.

“Do you want to buy more polish? We could always do it for you.” Jessa suggested .

“I’m not doing anything. I’ll do it.” I volunteered myself much to Jess’ surprise and dismay. She usually catered to Harry’s customer needs.

“If you don’t mind, then sure.” Harry agreed. For about the third time that day I’d earned a side eye from Jessa. She knows I’m up to something and I have a feeling this something just might work.

[callmewrinkles3]

Deal.

July 2018

Em still wasn't sure why she'd agreed to do this. She could have left. She could have walked away and pretended that Dan never sent that text, that she'd leave Dan alone and pretend they'd never met. That Monaco never happened. It would have made her life easier.

But Dan had actually called her and she couldn't turn him down over the phone. And without thinking she told him to meet her at her favourite cafe in Ealing, close to where she'd been to uni. So she was sitting there trying to get some work done before he arrived. She'd nearly texted him to go to the Pret down the street, somewhere unfamiliar, but she deleted the message. A familiar place would be better for her nerves, Sue grinning and starting her latte as she walked in and asking how Em was and what she was doing.

She sat in the corner with her coffee and a chicken sandwich that Ron handed her with a smile and a greeting. She'd have loved to say that she didn't notice Dan walking in, but she did immediately. It was too small to not notice someone arrive, but that curly hair was too much to ignore. He came straight across to her with his broad smile and she couldn't help but return it.

"Hey Emmy, what're you drinking? I'll get one."

"Caramel latte, just tell Sue it's for me and she'll know." It took five minutes before he was back, one of the little trays in his hands carrying everything. There was a coffee for each of them, a blueberry muffin for her and a noodle salad for Dan, with a slice of cake in between them on the table to share.

"The woman at the counter said this is your favourite, is that right? I guess you come here often."

"Yeah, I used to work here in uni. Still pull shifts if they need a hand and I have time." Em took a sip of her coffee, smiling at the taste. "Congrats on France, by the way. And happy birthday, I hope it's a good year for you."

"Thanks, we're doing drinks after Silverstone for it. At least I got to finish the race this time! Plus some good points. But how are you? How was the last few weeks?"

She paused, trying to work out how to make it sound more fun than it had been. "You know, the usual. Working, making sure Blake's apartment doesn't fall apart while he's running around the world."

They both took a bite in the awkward silence that had fallen between them and Em waited for him to speak. It had never been awkward between them before.

"I owe you an apology." It was the most serious she'd ever heard him before.

"Dan-"

"No, Emmy, please. I owe you one. I shouldn't have just ignored you, that was wrong and I'm sorry. I know it doesn't fix it but I didn't mean to. Yeah I was busy, but I shouldn't have. I promise I didn't want to. Work was insane and with the way my schedule is I didn't want to bother you when you have enough going on." She watched him take a few seconds to work out how to phrase what he wanted to say and let him pause. "I'm sorry. It wasn't a one night stand, and you're my friend. I don't want us to lose any of what we have."

"You don't need to apologise, Dan. We both did it."

"Yeah but I w-"

"Look, Dan, I still want to be your friend. I still want to hang out with you and spend time with you when you have it, and we both know you don't have much." She took a breath to get the rest of what she needed to say out, "But I don't think we should sleep together anymore. You mean a hell of a lot to me, and if we keep sleeping together we're going to fuck up eventually. We can be friends though, right?"

"Yeah. Friends." The smile on his face didn't fully reach his eyes and that hurt Em, but she knew it was the right call. And if he didn't want to be her friend he could fade out of her life. It'd be fine. They stayed quiet eating for a few moments.

"So you're coming to Silverstone, right? I organised a hotel room for you."

"Dan..."

"I have your pass!" He pulled four passes from his jacket, lanyards wrapped around the neatly stacked batch. "You don't have to take a flight this time. Please? As my birthday present?"

"I have your birthday present, actually. It's not much, but here." Em felt so silly pulling it out of her bag. The book was carefully wrapped in blue paper. She'd seen Jack Brabham's autobiography in her favourite second hand book shop the week after Monaco and picked it up. Trying to think of a birthday present felt impossible for the man who could have it all. Now sitting in front of him it felt ridiculous to give a Formula One driver a book about one? Stupid. But Dan was opening it so she couldn't take it away.

"It's for me?" Dan asked, oblivious to Em's internal freak out. "Emmy you didn't have to."

"It's nothing. Like seriously, it's nothing. I don't even know what I was thinking when I got it, but you said you wanted to start reading more and I thought it'd be nice."

She took a sip of her drink and looked down at the table for a moment, wanting to give him a couple of moments to act like he was happy instead of just seeing disappointment on his face. Why did she think this was a good idea? Stupid. Stupid.

"You saw this and thought of me?" He smiled as he held it up. A real smile.

"I mean Australian, driver, it made sense in my head. I know it was a stupid idea."

"Emmy it's perfect. I love it. Thank you, seriously. Dad used to tell me stories about watching him drive when he was a kid, he'll love me saying I have this. I love it."

"Glad you like it." She smiled shyly, picking off a piece of muffin to pop into her mouth. "Can I think about the race?"

It was absolutely a lie. She knew she'd say yes. She knew it. There was nothing those brown eyes couldn't make her do.

"Of course you can. But if it helps in any way, I have to say I'd love to see you there." Dan insisted. As much as Em hated to admit it her heart began to melt just a little bit.

[bots-and-cons]

University, dropping courses and writing

University is keeping me very busy, but I’m gonna try to write and post something this week. It’s hard to stay on top of everything, but I’m trying. Writing stuff keeps me sane, and I wish I had more time for it, but I can’t really just abandon my uni work either, and it has to get done in time. I’m sleeping like 55% of my day, sometimes more but very rarely less. Idk if it’s my depression coming back, if it’s autistic burnout again or what the fuck, but I don’t like it. I have so much to do and no energy for anything. “This too shall pass but holy fuck”, as a wise person once said.

I’m drowning in school assignments. I’m going to have to drop two courses I was supposed to do this fall, because I just can’t manage the amount of work. I was originally going to do 37 credits worth of studies this fall, (one uni credit is about 27 hours of work in Finland) but I’m gonna have to drop it to 30 credits. I’m almost done with one of the bigger courses I have for this fall, but I still have two pages to write for the assignment too. It’s a ton of work, since I have to read and research so much for it. I already have 8 pages of it done, but the minimum requirement is 10 pages, so I’ve still got some work to do. I’m just hoping I don’t lose my benefits, since I’m required to do a certain amount of uni credits to keep getting my money.

I still need to talk with the guidance counselor, my tutor teacher and my psychiatric nurse about how I’m going to be lightening my workload at school, but I think it’s for the best. If I don’t drop some of my courses, I’m gonna end up on sick leave or something. I’m just gonna have to do those courses later. They’re independent courses, at least mostly, so it’s not really tied to any specific time. I really hope my teacher and the guidance counselor support me in my decision. I know the psych. nurse is gonna support me, since her job is not to get me to graduate as quickly as possible, unlike the university staff.

I feel like crap for not writing tbh. It’s not even really about the fact that I’m not posting anything, I just haven’t even had the time to write, which sucks ass. I’m gonna try to write once I finish the assignments that have deadlines next week. I think there’s three or four things that have the deadline next week, the earliest one is on Monday, but I want to get them done before that. I want to write and play Minecraft and do the things I enjoy, but I have a hard time enjoying them when the school deadlines are breathing down my neck.

Additionally, I think my tooth is chipped or something. It doesn’t hurt or anything, doesn’t even feel weird, but I can feel a sort of sharp edge on it. So that’s gonna be fun to take care of. I checked the university health services, and they’re apparently super busy and I don’t know if I’m even gonna get an appointment for this year. They luckily have a form you can use to get an appointment, so I might not have to call anyone. Their website says some of the forms have been taken offline though, because they are so busy atm. I’m incredibly bad at taking care of my teeth for multiple reasons, and think it’s finally gonna bite me in the ass.

[ajokeformur-ray]

So I emailed my uni professor last night to tell him about my job situation and everything else going on and he said "well you've done the assignment now so well done, hope you get some downtime" even though I told him yesterday was my only day off at all this week and was studying 3am-11pm on my assignment just to meet the deadline without breaks??? And I have another week of overtime and extra shifts at work and I'm behind on other uni work???? And he didn't do anything to help even though he knows everything???😭

My work senior isn't any help either, she knows everything and is still giving me overtime and is the one putting me into this situation!!!!!! I tell her how demanding uni is, she KNOWS, and yet...😭😭😭

I'm being honest and transparent about my pressures and stresses every step of the way as required to the ones who need to know (I'm not repeating last year's mistakes) and yet... Work doesn't care, uni doesn't care, so I'm yet again running on coffee and energy drinks and four hours of sleep ripping myself to shreds???? Doing my best and going nowhere????!!!!! So as long as I do my shifts and meet assignment deadlines, these people don't care what I have to put myself through to get it done...🙃💀

Oh my god. I wanna give up so bad 💔

I need a hug😭😭😭

[creative-caramel-coffee]

Update

Hey guys sorry for the delay in posting. I know I said I would hopefully be uploading the next chapter for spiders sister / fics in general soon(ish) but I have a few things going on.

1. I have work for my job I have to do.

2. I am extremely exhausted as of late because of worsening heart issues. I’m scheduled to see a cardiologist soon to find out more which is really sad because Im actually quite young (but still over 18 dw hehe). I went to the doctor and they did an ECG I got diagnosed with tachycardia (my heart beats too fast). And aside from being really tired, I am out of breath and almost faint when I stand up. The almost fainting thing happens because my heart rate spikes when I stand / do things which makes daily life a bit difficult rn. And it’ll probably remain an issue until I can know more about what’s going on and how to treat it. So far all we know is it’s a heart issue of some kind.

3. My both of my grandmas are sick and it’s not looking good for either of them. Which is hard to deal with because of how important they are to me and my life.

I am not giving up on my writing (at this point I don’t think I ever even could if I wanted to ((WHICH I DONT)) it might just be anywhere between a few days to weeks until I’m able to write more (for either my ongoing series or just one shots). Basically if my workload eases up or I’m not so tired / have some motivation I might get some more writing done. But for the next little bit I may be a bit slower in bringing out new works.

I probably will be writing a fair few fics ✨projecting✨ though so … yeah.

And I need ALL FOUR of my wisdom teeth out but can’t until we sort the heart issues.

Don’t worry about me though I’ll be ok. And I just thought I should explain why I’m a bit absent lately which has also been partly due to uni workload (in term time).

Also idk if I have said this but I’ll assume I should reiterate based on my lack on anons in my inbox but I’m taking requests (that I deem fit) for both marvel characters (wanda, pepper, Natasha) and marvel cast (Lizzie and Scarlett but I can also have the Olsen twins show up if you want but not as the main characters).

Make sure y’all drink water today and take breaks.

Also if ur one of my anons and you feel like it, come say hi I miss y’all (hehehe)

- ccc ☕️

[zoueriemandzijnopmars]

The Dutch political situation explained*

*to the best of my ability

So, our government collapsed last week and today our current prime minister has declared he will quit politics after the coming elections. So things have been happening and I thought, maybe some non-Dutch people saw some things in the news or on their dash and maybe some Dutch people who do not follow politics are also confused so it might be good to try and break it down. (And I'll try to stay objective)

Why did the government collapse?

That's a good question to start with actually. On the surface it's because they couldn't agree on a migration policy. The largest party, the VVD (right-wing, but if this was the USA it would be centre let's be real. Y'know what, see the figure of the Dutch political landscape at the bottom, they're right-wing but not conservative), which is also the party of the PM (Mark Rutte), apparently suddenly came with extra demands for how refugee families could be reunited and the Christen Unie (CU, a centre-left Christian party), the smallest party of the coalition, felt like they could not agree to these demands. The four coalition parties (others were D66, centre-progressive and CDA, centre-right Christian) are said to have together decided to let the government fall.

However, it is a weird thing to fall over, they have (had) much bigger crises and differences of opinion. These 4 parties have been together in the previous government as well and they almost finished their term, they fell over the Kinderopvangtoeslagaffaire (that is a real word) a few months before the elections were planned to happen. In short, the government had branded some innocent families as frauds, and demanded back a lot of money, resulting to them getting very large debts. Over the years it was discovered that non-white families were much more often targeted than white families and that the government had also known for years those families were innocent but tried to sweep it under the carpet.

All this to say that even though they resigned after all this was discovered, most politicians came back and it is actually still going on, the families are still not fully compensated. I can name about 4 more crisis that they should have dealt with but they (the VVD mostly) chose migration as the hill to die on. It was speculated to be a campaigning thing by Mark Rutte, but him resigning today seems to negate that.

Why is the PM resigning such a big deal?

Mark Rutte has been our longest serving PM ever. He has been PM since 2010, this was his 4th government. This means he’s about the only PM children and many young adults have known (I can personally only vaguely remember the previous PM and no idea who was PM before him). This also means our politics of the last 10 years have been dominated by the VVD. Because there have been many scandals during the years many people were totally done with the VVD and Mark Rutte. However we also knew what he was like.

I personally think the VVD has been getting a lot of votes the past years because some people liked Mark Rutte as PM and all those people will have to figure out who to vote for now. It is quite a weird idea to me that we will actually get a new PM, and a bit scary because while I didn't like Rutte, it could definitely have been worse.

So what about the coming elections?

There are more parties looking for a new leader. The current leader of the CDA has also said he’ll quit and it is unclear what the leader of D66 will do. The two largest left-wing parties, PvdA and GroenLinks have been working together more and more the past few years and they want to do the coming elections as one team, but their members first have to vote on the plans and if they agree it is unclear who will lead this. However, as you can see below, we have quite a lot of left-wing parties, which as a result are none of all very big, so it might be interesting to see what will happen if there’s suddenly one big party to vote for.

And then there are 2 other factors. Firstly, the BBB (right-wing, farmers’ party) became the largest during the provincial elections last year, while the coalition parties lost. Will people also vote for them during the national elections? And if they become the largest who will they be willing to work with in the government?

The last factor can be really important or be absolutely nothing. There’s this guy called Pieter Omtzigt, he was a member of the CDA, but they fought within the party and he decided to become independent. Now, he is quite popular, during the last election he alone got enough votes to theoretically fill 5 seats in parliament, and became well known because he was one of the main politicians trying to figure out the truth behind the Kinderopvangtoeslagaffaire (there it is again). However, it is completely unknown what he will do, will he stay in politics? Will he start his own party? (He doesn’t have much time for that anymore.) Will he join another party? (The BBB? Update: He said he will not join BBB) We have no idea, but if he decides to stay in politics it can become very interesting.

And this was my break-down of current Dutch politics. I hope it cleared some things up for some people. The main point is that everything is quite insecure right now and that it will take a while before we get a better picture, with the politicians all firstly going on holiday, it might take a while until we'll know when the elections are going to be and who we will be able to vote for.

[boogleboot]

One year since Fateheart

A year ago I posted Fateheart: A Starless Seaquel to Ao3 (link here) - the mammoth fanfic sequel to Erin Morgenstern's The Starless Sea.

Fateheart has had an incredible year, and has completely changed my life, by all measures. Posting it has connected me to so many wonderful people and helped bring together a genuine community over on the Starless Sea discord (which you should join hey here's a link) who have supported me through the last hellish few weeks of uni assignments as well as months and months of creative projects and ambitious fic writing.

So on this blessed solstice day, here is a lil update for those who are following the slow progress of the unofficial Starless Sea canon as developed in Fateheart.

Oh that's right, baby. It ain't just one fan sequel. It's gonna be uhhh (checks notes) at least four.

I really really wanted to get the next book out at this year mark - on the solstice and year anniversary - but despite hitting that 50k mark for NaNoWriMo last month it just didn't happen (it's been a rough couple months - I am currently doing a master's course that is kicking my ass).

But I am determined to get Fever Pitch, the next full-novel-length follow-up story, out in full as soon as humanly possible. Toward that end I have gone ahead and made a posting for it. The first few chapters are done and have been done for a while, so I shall slowly be posting them as I work on the rest.

Watch this space!!!!

I never really intended Fever Pitch to be a fully-fledged sequel. Mind you, I didn't intend that with Fateheart either, but in a different way. In my mind the next book in the sequence is and always has been a story called The Lotus Flowers. Nearly 180k words of that one exist, but it is too important a story not to get right. So I'm gonna give it as much time as it needs - and it may need quite a lot.

But in working on Lotus Flowers, I came to realise that a lot of the world-building and character development which I was taking for granted was in fact not as obvious to the reader as it would be to me - LF is, after all, set ten or so years after Fateheart, and considering all of The Starless Sea (at least for Zachary and Dorian) takes place in about two weeks, ten years is space enough for a LOT of story.

So in order to strengthen my sense of where Zachary, Dorian, and Kat have found themselves by the ten year mark, I started noting down some of the more important moments from that decade of time. And then just kept writing. And writing and writing and writing until a handful of them were fully fledged novellas.

I have put up the polished ones - they are collected together on Ao3 as 'Fateheart: The Extended Canon'. Which is. A bit pretentious. But whatever. (Also I'm not kidding myself that all the fics in this collection are vital plot points, but there are a couple standout ones which are Canon Events in my mind, that will be referenced in later full-length fics. Namely A Heart That Won't Break, Death in the Valley, and The Man Named Sky.)

But one of these short (aspirationally) stories seemed as I wrote to have particular space in it for so much of that world-building and exposition, and that was Fever Pitch.

Fever Pitch takes place five years after the birth of the Harbour, and the events of Fateheart, and is an Alice-in-Wonderland themed story which explores the lives of all the main Fateheart characters (Zachary, Dorian, Kat, and Leander, namely), introduces some new players (shoutout Tabuzae and Kirsty Baudeville), as well as establishing the limits and life of the Harbour they live in.

I'd say a solid sixty percent of this story currently exists, and I'm gonna amp up the pressure on myself to complete it by posting it as I go - something I've never done before, so bear with me.

It means so much to me that there are people out here who care as much about these people and this little world on the Starless Sea as I do - even more so that so many people have loved my offerings of more story. The above photo is of my christmas present from a housemate who was one of Fateheart's earliest readers. It's so beautiful it makes my heart leap.

We rise, we fall - as stories do.

I am committed to seeing this story through, by the way - all the way to the end - and that is gonna take years. But we start here - with the next book in the series. First few chapters to appear over Christmas.

Until then, happy solstice. To seeking x