#i have four weeks to get my uni work done i do NOT have the time for an episode rn !!!

[pochapal]

suuuuuper unsexy of my shitbrain to start giving me repeated nightmares and deteriorating mental health like six months after experiencing an incident like.....a little slow to the party there bestie!

[ningtual]

i'm always going "oh i'll do this when i'll have time" but then i never have time and if i do find an afternoon or smth where i would have a little time then i'm so overwhelmed with all the things i wanted or have to do still that i ultimately do nothing 😻😻😻

[0-k-4]

crazy times. everyone is depressed. is it because of school, is it because of winter, is it because of Life. who knows. mystère et boule de gomme.

[enwoso]

Hey! If you’d like a request I have an idea for grumpy. What if she starts calling Alessia her first name instead of mum. Like she copies the other girls on camp, but no one understands why she’s refusing to call her mum, she just wants to fit in with the big girls.

NOT MY NAME — alessia russo x child!reader

grumpy masterlist

you were often surrounded by someone at all times of the day whether that was your mummy or your mummy's teammates or as they were your honorary aunties.

this meant you picked up a lot of their little habits as well as copying them just cause you wanted to feel apart and fit in with your aunties.

sometimes these little habits were good things like making sure you said please and thank you while others may not be as good like your cheekiness that ella and georgia would gladly teach you to be a master of or your competitive drive that lucy and leah would instil in you.

however alessia never thought that at your small age of four she would be hearing you call her anything but mummy.

but you continue to surprise alessia day in and day out and here she was hearing you call her everything else but mummy.

alessia thought it was just a one time thing, you had heard her teammates and family and friends call her alessia, less or lessi your entire life so why now were you starting to call her it.

alessia had spent time trying to rack her brain around why you weren’t calling her mummy, she’d even asked some of the girls if they may have an idea but non of them could seem to figure out the riddle as to why.

she thought maybe you were just doing it as a joke but nearly two weeks is a long time for you to carry on a joke, especially when you had a tendency to forget things very quickly because of your young age.

ella had suggested maybe it was just something she had picked up at nursery, maybe you’d been learning about family trees and needed to know your mummy’s name for that. but then why would you carry on to call her by her name instead of mummy.

you had heard ella and your mummy’s teammates call her alessia, lessi and you liked it so you decided that’s what you would call your mummy from now on.

and it definitely hadn’t been a one time thing.

"lessi!" you called out, your mums head snapping up at your voice as her eyes froze at the words coming from your mouth. "alessia!" you said again tapping your mummy on the shoulder, your mum just blinking for a minute.

"that's not my name!" your mummy said firmly as she lifted you onto her knee. your turned your head to the side to look at your mummy with a small grin etched on your face.

"it is! it's lessi!" you grin back, the team coach filled with the arsenal players as they made the journey to manchester for the game at the weekend.

"no it's not!" alessia shook her head, moving you slightly so she could carry on the essay she was writing for her uni work, alessia had been hoping you were going to nap so she could get some work done but when had anything ever gone the way alessia had hoped.

"yes it is! that's what auntie tooney and leelee call you!" you pouted, you were getting frustrated with being told that you weren’t allowed to do as you wanted. a frown appearing on your face as you folded your arms across your chest.

"yes their allowed to, i'm mummy to you!" your mummy quickly said putting an emphasis on the word ‘mummy’ as she began to type on her laptop that was on the table in front of you.

"no alessia!" you huffed your voice getting a little louder as your mummy shushed you pointing to the sleeping girls in front of you, kyra and emily.

"it’s mummy!"

"alessia." you grumbled sliding down off your mummy’s lap as you were now in a sad mood, wandering off slowly to find someone who was awake or wasn’t watching their ipads which is what your mummy wished you were doing instead of arguing what you had to call her.

you found yourself tapping lotte on the arm, she wasn’t asleep and she wasn’t watching her ipad with headphones instead she was doing some hard looking puzzle, which was slightly hurting your eyes as you looked at it.

“hey little one, you wanna help?” lotte asked sweetly as you climbed into the seat beside her, grumbled a no as your forehead still had a crease in it from your deep frown you had on your face.

your face told lotte everything she needed to know. you were not in the happiest of moods.

“what’s got my tiny so frowny” she asked shutting her puzzle book and putting her pen down as your arms still rested on your chest.

“alessia being a meany.” you said simply as lotte blinked slightly as she tried to come to terms with what you had just said.

“alessia? you mean your mummy?” lotte now had a puzzle face and this definitely seemed like a harder puzzle to solve than the ones in her book. lotte was confused.

“she said i can’t call her alessia, only mummy.”

“well tiny she is your mummy” lotte said simply, slightly lost as she raised an eyebrow still not really getting your whole point but it was slowly coming back to her that alessia had mentioned that you had this new habit of calling your mummy by her proper name.

you first picking it up on england camp a couple weeks ago and alessia had told lotte how she hoped it was jsut going to be a thing that you forgot about but here you were nearly 11 days post england camp and you were still calling your mummy by her proper name.

alessia and tried to sit you down and explain why you shouldn’t call your mummy by her proper name but you were having non of it. you wanted to be like the big girls.

“but i wanna call her alessia like you do and auntie ella and lele call her, it not fair” the pout had came back as you stamped your foot against the seat you were sitting on, your legs being held up to your chest.

“hey no no, listen.” lotte cooed as she could see your bottom lip start to wobble, knowing that if she didn’t find a solution in the next few seconds then a meltdown was definitely imminent. lotte heart rate beating just that little bit faster.

“we do all call her alessia but that because we don’t get to call her by her special name that you do, only you can call her mummy” lotte continued talking in her calm voice which you did like to sit and listen to, lotte was one of the few people on the arsenal team that you would sit and listen to talk. there was something that you found so mesmerising in her voice.

“and when you don’t call her by her special name that’s just for you that upsets her a little cause that’s only for you to call her, just like she’s the only one that calls you lovie” lotte explained as you nodded your head slowly a pout was still on your face but lotte had managed to stop the meltdown, lottes heart rate able to return back to normal.

“but i wanna be like the big girls” there it was. there was the reason behind all the madness. you wanted to fit in.

“but us big girls want to be like you, cause your so cool. and i’ll let you into a secret, your the coolest russo i know!” lotte nudged you slightly, it getting you to unfold your arms as a small smile came on your fave as lotte pointed out that she saw your grin.

“so do you get why your mummy is saying you can’t call her alessia?” lotte asked hoping she had got through to you as you nodded confidently, you understood now. and hearing that you might be upsetting your mummy made you feel a little bad as you didn’t like when your mummy was upset even more so when she was upset with you.

“yes! cause i have a special nickname for her that’s just for me to call her by!” you smiled confidently as you repeated what lotte had said. a big nod coming from lotte as you spoke.

“nailed it! good job tiny!” lotte smiled proudly, feeling accomplished that she was able to explain such a topic to you and you understand her. lotte holding her hand out for you to high five.

you knew what you needed to do now, so you quickly slid of the chair next to lotte mumbling a thank you. “bye lotte”

you wandered you way carefully back to your seat next to your mummy, in a better mood than when you left your seat. tapping your mummy on the knee when you got back.

“yes baby?” alessia smiled small as she lifted her headphones off the top of her head.

“sorry…” you said quietly as she lifted you over onto the seat next to the window.

“it’s okay lovie, if you want to call me-“ alessia was ready to admit defeat, knowing there must be a reason as to why you were calling her by her actual name and decided that maybe it would be a phase and tomorrow you may go back to calling her mummy again.

whatever it was it wasn’t worth arguing with you about it.

“no your mummy, cause that’s my special name for you. just like yours for me is lovie!” you quickly cut off your mummy, alessia taking a minute to take in your words as alessia felt her heart strings be pulled at.

“and who helped you figure that out?” alessia asked her eyebrow raised slightly as she awaited to hear who gave you such wise words.

“auntie lotte!” your mummy gave a knowing nod as you revealed who it was, of course it was lotte.

“i’m really sorry, i just wanted to be like the big girls” you admitted, alessia feeling her heart go that little bit more. a pout now form on her lips as she pulled you in her lap, hugging you tightly.

“oh lovie, you don’t need to be like them. your perfect just the way your are. i want you to be the lovie i know and love” alessia grinned as she brushed a hair out of your face, you nodding as your mummy kissed the top of your head mumbling how much she adored you.

[bananaactivity]

JAY AND BEN REDSIGNNN

The Boyssss

I’m working on a Benjay tragic romance fic and I had to design them right quick.

I like themmmm I’m gonna do Mal and Evie next then I’ll have the core four finished. They are 21 and 22 respectively. Ben’s always the youngest in my eyes.

I’m not getting rid of the beard idc. I’m adding more scars to Jay next time I draw him because why does Chad have more scars then an isle gang member, and know that half of them are because of Harry.

They have one specific nickname for the other,

Jays is Jay Jay, and Ben is Dumbas- I mean Benji

Here’s some context for there tragic relationship:

Mal and Evie get together after the Sea VK Battle on Harry Hooks boats instead of Ben and Mal. Thus the core four minus Jay are nervous that Ben will retaliate to this by kicking them out of Auradon Uni and off Auradon as a whole. Ben meanwhile has been raised in such a way that he is absolutely terrified of being alone. Jay has just just had to grapple with the fact that he had feelings for Harry beyond a really intriguing rivalry and he can't act on that because of Harry and Umas relationship that was already a steady under current and bloomed even more during the VKs 1st year tenure at Auradon Uni. As well as dealing with all his friends slowly separating in college which is typical. So Ben and Jay are both dealing with feelings of abandonment and stress, neither of them want to think about that pain and would do anything to mask it. Jay is much better equipped to handle this enough to at least seem functional to his friends, but he's teetering on the edge. Jay ended up being the first person to speak with Ben ,who was an absolute wreck, after he stayed holed up in his very fancy prince dorm for many weeks. They already had good chemistry with one another prior and Ben comes onto Jay. It feels good to both, and it's doing what they want in regards to ignoring the bigger deeper issues at play. It's also a secret because obviously a heavily charged and unhealthy relationship like that would be heavily discouraged. Warning, this is not gonna end with a healthy relationship. Some feelings are real like they don't want to actively use and hurt each other, but the emotions at play and the rough start to the relationship DO NOT lay solid ground to foster a good long lasting relationship.

I’m also going to add one fic I wrote from Ben’s Perspective beware it’s not done:

Being a Prince was a tough job. There was so much pressure on him to be a great future king. One major aspect of that was his future spouse; his mother was always bothering him relentlessly on the topic as he grew up. “ Benjamin, Darling you must choose a good spouse, it is imperative to the people's perception of you.” his mother would often say. The constant narrative of “dont be alone” was always pressed on him so hard in fact that he couldn't bare the thought of being alone. It got so bad that that he went with the first present options of someone to court. It was stressful when he and Audrey were courting, the constant trailing during dates stressed him out as well as the media coverage analyzing their every move. Aubrey herself seemed more concerned with the respect that comes with being a queen. Nobody really liked her very much, but she was pretty and she was sweet during those first years. Unfortunately that all faded as the years went by and he felt there was no way out. He couldn't be alone. Then came Mal, she was beautiful and sweet. But she was hopelessly in love with her best friend and her best friend felt the same. It almost became this rush to him to wed her before she could leave and yet he felt so bad about it. He didn't want to be alone. But he pushed it and was alone anyway. The big ass walls in his dorm felt like a cage. What was he to do but sit in his room and cry. And he was alone, which he didn't want to be. Then Jay showed up. Jay handsome, good at Tourney, an excellent swords-man and his closest friend. Looking into his concerned brown eyes, he remembered leaping into his arms. There wasn't much conversation to be had as he was a bawling mess. All he could remember from that night was staring into those eyes for as long as he could and making a move that even he didn't expect. He kissed his best friend. And it felt good, really good. The best part of this situation was that the amazing feelings completely washed over the awful ones that led him to that very moment.Until Jay moved away, he was expressing concerns about the sudden atmosphere; yet he was into it. He had kissed him back and moved his face to kiss him again once they got over that little hurdle. The time spent felt… really nice. It was more intense than anything that had happened before for him. But maybe that was because he had thrown himself so totally into the sensations at play so that no semblance of sadness could worm their way back into his heart.

It was such a drug that they both implored to keep it up. He defended this continuous indulgence with the belief that it was allowing him to show his face on campus.Spending time suffocating in his fancy prince class: “ Kinging 101: The study of Class Disparity” waiting for the pleasant feeling of rough calloused hands pushing him into the corridor just near the lecture room. Every time he felt those hands he breathed a sigh of relief.

If you want to read more check out the pinned post on my blog which has 18 pages of my Descendants AU.

[napakmahal]

HIII, PHONOLOGY HERE !!! in all truth i dont blame u, i was really tired from uni when i wrote that, lmao.

okey so, like misunderstabding in the way he hasnt told hiro and aunt cass and reader thibks its bc tadashi thinks they wont last or is ashamed of her when in reality is just that he is very nervous and never finds the perfect ocassion

Normal Girl pt. 1

Hey pookie! This took forever but I realized midway through I needed to split it into three parts. Thanks for the request this was fun to make.

You wish you could lay here forever. It was raining and your puffy sheets were cold which would have bothered you if not for the warm body you were resting on top of. Tadashi had been under a great amount of stress. He wanted his doctor title and was the youngest candidate going for it. In order to do that he needed a dissertation of roughly 100-450 pages to defend in front of an academic jury. The paper was done, thank goodness. But he still needed to defend it and even then they could deny him his phD. If he’d spent his week trying to prepare for his defense he’d drive himself insane. So instead, he spent all his time with you. Watching movies, sleeping in, staying up, doing mundane tasks and trying to relax as much as possible before his defense. You’ve never had to refill your anti-stress tea collection and melatonin gummies in one week before.

But the defense was tomorrow and he desperately needed to calm himself. So he went through his presentation twice and then zipped it away in a separate backpack. You pressed your ear to his chest and listened to his breathing and muffled heartbeat. The patterning of the rain on the window going through one ear and the opening and closing of your boyfriend's valves pumping blood through his body in the other.

“I never want to get up.” You admitted.

Tadashi responded sleepily, “I know.” With his eyes shut. Gosh his eyelashes were so long.

“What time is your hearing tomorrow?” You brought your hand up to his face and started caressing it. All the prep work he was doing to defend his thesis had resulted in a lack of care for personal upkeep. He’d started growing stubble (which you found very attractive) but eventually had you help him shave it off to look presentable for his defense. (Something you were clearly upset about)

“10 a.m, I have to be there like two hours early though.”

You just hummed in response and continued to lay in his bare chest in silence. You’d gotten to the point where you could just be together like that without it being inherently sexual. On your nightstand, your phone buzzes and vibrates through the wood. When you checked, it was your mom. She sent you a photo of a four leaf clover she found in her garden with the text: Look what I found!

You knew she was wishing Tadashi good luck. Once while visiting her he’d let it slip that he wanted to be Dr. Hamada , and your mom actually squealed. She’d known him as long as you two had been together and she’d rather make sure he was fed before you were. She was proud of him.

“Look what my mom sent.” You smiled, pointing the phone towards your boyfriend's face.

Tadashi opened his eyes and instantly smiled. He took the phone from your hands and sent your mom a voice recording thanking her for all her support (and free Printer ink).

“She loves you so much,” you smiled and kissed his lips. “She really is my mother.”

Tadashi cupped her hands around your head and smiled at you. “Yes she is, pretty girl.”

You stayed that way while Tadashi whispered sweet nothings into your ears as the sky started to get darker and he had to leave. Aunt Cass was insistent that he spend that last night before his defense hearing back at home so she could make him sweet potato for good luck. He leaned over your bed and slipped his shirt back over his head and pulled his pants over his boxers.

You got up out of bed and slipped an oversized shirt over yourself and walked him out the door.

“Good luck, baby, I love you, my smart boy.” You buried your face in his neck with a hug.

Tadashi dug his face into your head and kissed the tops of it. “Thank you, darling . I love you too.”

“I’ll come pick you up tomorrow and take you out, wherever you want.” You promised.

Tadashi shrugged into the hug. “They may not approve my defense, you know?”

“If they don’t they’re morons but that still doesn’t matter. Because you worked so hard and deserve so much, right?”

Tadashi’s unrelenting and slightly irritating humbleness drove you truly mad sometimes. He had the work ethic of a mule and a brain like Berkeley. Everyone knew it but if you pointed it out he’d just say “oh, thank you but I’m not all that”. Not even in a pick me way. And you were determined to get his confidence up.

He just nodded, dropping his head into your shoulder while you combed your fingers through his dark hair.

“Right?” You repeat.

“Right.” He confirmed.

You gave him one last forehead kiss and sent him off the drive home. After he left you went to your kitchen and started cleaning what little appliances you had after not leaving your room with your boyfriend for nearly a week. Once the kitchen was clean you needed to shower and change your clothes. Showering with another person is not exactly the epitome of cleanliness, not that you’ve only been showering with Tadashi for the past week….. When you headed back to your room dripping wet you kicked something laying on the floor.

It’s Tadashi’s backpack. With his defense inside.

———————————————————————

Tadashi is very clean. He doesn’t like messy anything, his room remains clean and his schedule is so organized to the point it was more of a battle plan than a timeline. So this was not only out of character but IMPOSSIBLE.

Hiro was watching in horror as Tadashi wrecked the entire car and dumped every item of clothing in his overnight bag out onto the floor.

“What is happening?” Hiro asked, completely baffled.

Tadashi diddnt respond and continued to mutter under his breath “where the fuck is it?”

It wasn’t until Aunt Cass walked out back to the absolute wreck with a small bowl of sweet potatoes and matcha on a tray that he looked up from the wreckage.

“Auntie, have you seen my defense?!” Tadashi's voice dripped with desperation.

Before Aunt Cass could even answer Hiro practically screamed, “YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING DEFENSE?!”

“Hiro! Language!” Aunt Cass slapped him in the back of the head. “But seriously, Tadashi! What happened to it?”

Tadashi squeezed onto his hair so tightly it looked like he might rip a chunk of it out. “I don’t know! I had it ,I know I did!”

Silence between the three until Hiro perked up. “Wait, you have a copy of it on my computer. Just reprint it. I think the print room at the lab closes at 10, if you rush you can make it.”

Tadashi didn’t need to be told twice. He ran upstairs, sent the document of his defense to the schools Printer email, and texted Wasabi to ask him to stand at the printer so the techs didn’t shut down the printers for the night. And he was off, speeding over the speed limit (by two miles per hour) and headed to the school.

Unknowing to him you were making your way to his house to drop off his defense. You could have just called him to come get it but he didn’t need any additional stress including driving.

You’d only been to Tadashi’s house once and it was when there was nobody home. You just needed to use the bathroom and his house was closest. But you knew about his little brother and his aunt and about how he lost his parents when he was young. How could you forget? The way he talked about them made you cry harder than him.

When you pulled up to the front of the cafè the lights were mostly off except those coming from the kitchen. You swung the backpack over your shoulder and headed towards the door. A small bell above the door jingled and prompted a woman to walk out with a tray of dirty coffee cups on them.

“Oh, I’m sorry we’re closed.” She apologized.

You waved your hand and held up the backpack. “Oh no, I’m not here to order anything. I just have Tadashi’s defense.”

Hiro poked his head out the curtain after hearing the word “defense” to see you standing at the entrance with his brothers backpack.

“Oh! Okay, Hiro tell Tadashi that he can turn around.” She told him.

You handed your boyfriends aunt the backpack when she asked, “I’m sorry, what’s your name again?”

“Y/n,” You smiled.

But the smile completely faded when Tadashi’s aunt turned around to look at his brother with a “have you ever met her before” look. Hiro shook his head before calling his brother telling him to turn around.

You added with uncertainty, “I’m…Tadashi’s girlfriend.”

Hiro pulled the phone away from his ear and perked up. “Tadashi has a girlfriend?”

The entire cafè went silent. They didn’t know? You’d never met them before but they didn’t even recognize your name? Who the hell did they think Tadashi was spending his entire week with? Who did they think he FaceTimed in his room at midnight pretty much every day? Either Tadashi’s family had the memory of a goldfish or….your boyfriend lied. Not just about you but your existence as a whole. The girl he said he loved.

You just nodded and let that sink in. You could see the collective “oh shit” look in your boyfriends family’s faces as they tried to salvage it by saying things like “you know your name does sound familiar” but it didn’t matter. Nothing anyone who wasn’t your boyfriend explaining himself was going to change how you felt.

Around that time an engine pulled up the front of the cafè and switched off. Tadashi had turned around and came back home. When he opened the door it was like the aroma of awkward bitch slapped his psyche across the face.

“Hey, hunny.” He whispered and brushed his thumb against your skin. “Thank you so much, you’re a lifesaver. I love you.”

You didn’t respond. Only wished everyone a good night and left. Hiro looked at his brother with a look the read “what the fuck?” And Aunt Cass looked at her nephew with a look of “what did you do?”

Fun fact about Tadashi: he can take a hint and read social cues. So he ran outside in the cold and chased octet you right as you were about to get into your car.

“Hey, hey, hey, what’s wrong?” He grabbed your wrist.

You looked at him with daggers in your eyes. “They don’t know who I am?”

Tadashi looked like he was going to puke. And you were having none of it.

“My mother invited you to her graduation, and you went to my cousins wedding. And your family does know who I am!” Now you were yelling. Tadashi’s neighbors were getting dinner and a show.

When he didn’t respond you forced yourself to ask the question that had been lingering in your head. “ Are you…are you like—ashamed of me?”

“No! Never!” Tadashi shouted back at you.

“Then how come they don’t know who I am!” You shouted.

Tadashi rubbed his temples. “I have mentioned you before, back when we were still just talking. But it’s not something we do! It’s just not! Every once in a blue moon they’ll check up on my romantic life but that’s it. Hiro liked a boy for five months before I even knew his name! When my aunt goes on dates she doesn’t tell us their names. It’s just not us! That’s all!”

It made sense. You know it did. But that didn’t make it hurt any less.

Tadashi grabbed onto your face and pressed kisses all over it. “I love you, I swear I do. Nothing you do will ever make me ashamed of you. You mean the world to me, please believe me.”

You grabbed his hand and gently removed it from your face as you started kissing his hand and his wrist. Your kisses trailed up his arm and onto his face until you gave him one last forehead kiss.

“Good luck, tomorrow.” And you hopped back in your car and drove off. Leaving tadashi standing there in the streetlight surrounded by urban darkness. And with every tire rotation away from him, Tadashi’s heart broke a little more until it eventually snapped when he could no longer see your car.

[jensky2000]

In case you haven't heard, I started a new fanfic on AO3. It's a WIP. The first 5 chapters are posted. More to come in two weeks. (or less.) A wee peek below ⬇️ (Readers can attest. Nothing is what it seems in this story.)

"I Love Her First"

In a small three block radius in Glasgow, Scotland, Claire owns a flower shop and Jamie is a firefighter. Claire and Jamie are best friends and roommates. Claire is in a relationship with Frank. Jamie is happily single. Claire and Jamie's friendship is different than most, but it works for them. When things progress with her and Frank, Jamie has to admit to his real feelings before it's too late.

Chapter 1 "The Firefighter"

I set both slow cookers to low. It will be ready before dinner break with plenty of time to spare. I can see everything from the top floor of the firehouse. The sun is well over the horizon. The shops are open, and a few people meander along the street. Howie, Mr. Johnson’s son, parks in the fire lane in front of his father’s shop. He has been warned a dozen times for that. Agnes across the street waters her flower boxes. She lets them overflow while she waits to catch a glimpse of Mr. Johnson. Her neighbor will complain about the puddles on the sidewalk. It’s a very quiet and predictable neighborhood. Quiet is good and it has been all night. The rest of my crew are sleeping. I have an hour before dayshift shows up. I make myself comfortable on the couch and flip through the channels. My phone buzzes next to me. I tap on the screen. My roommate.

Claire: Sorry I used the last of the milk for my coffee. Could you maybe pick some up on your way home. Please. You know I hate shopping for food. Also Frank is picking me up at the shop for an early dinner before he leaves.

Jamie: I will pick up milk and anything else we need. Send me a list. Have fun with Frank.

Have fun with Frank. Frank and fun do not belong in the same sentence. She loves him. And she’s my best friend and roommate so of course I need to be supportive. Frank and Claire have been together since our final year at Uni. Frank is older. She met him at a party. Ironically the one party Claire went without me. I was on a date. If I was there, things would have played out differently. I would have steered Claire away from Frank. It’s not that I don’t like him. Not at all. He’s fine. He’s just Frank. She can do much better.

Claire: You’re the best. See you later.

Hm. I drop the phone next to me and find a mindless show to pass the time.

I must have dozed off because before I know it I hear the banging of the lockers downstairs. “Jamie, my boy. You’ve done it again. Smells incredible. What is it?” Dougal, the fire chief, deep voice echoes in the quiet lounge.

“My Ma’s beef stew. I may have tweaked the recipe. Threw in some extra spices.” I stretch and look at my watch. “In 7 hours turn the knob to ‘keep warm’. You’ll be all set to eat.”

He searches the counter. “Did you make the biscuits too?”

“Aye. They’re in the fridge with instructions.”

“Ah you’ve done good, kid. Now get out of here.” He pats me on the back. I take one step towards the door and the alarm blasts. Dougal rushes to his office. I follow him and lean against the door frame.

He looks up from the screen. “Fire at Sullivans Bakery. We got this. Go.”

“You sure?”

“Go. You need your sleep.” He waves me off. I grab my things and run down the back stairs to stay out of the way. The sirens blare loud enough to alert the whole neighborhood and surrounding ones too. I head in the direction of the flat that Claire and I have shared for the past four years. It’s three blocks from the firehouse. I stop at the corner store to pick up milk and a few other things. My phone buzzes. Another text from Claire reminding me to feed DB. Our cat. Claire named him David Beckham. I quickly shortened it to DB. I climb the stairs to our top floor flat and open the door. Immediately I feel stifled. Claire likes it a balmy 74 degrees year-round. I on the other hand prefer it frigid. I lower the temp and climb into bed with the tv remote..

Hours later, I wake to the sound of my alarm. The remote sits on the bed next to me. I was asleep before I even had a chance to watch the morning news. The tv hums quietly on the wall across from me. I scroll through the channels. Station after station no mention of the early morning fire at the bakery. It’s in the other direction of Claire’s flower shop so no worries there. I pick up my phone. A bunch of missed texts. Claire sent me a picture of a flower arrangement. She does that when she’s particularly proud of one. A text from Rupert going into great detail about the fire this morning. Electrical. Everyone is safe. That’s the important part. Another text from Chloe canceling our plans for tonight. Time to get up. I shower, throw on a t-shirt and gym shorts. DB naps comfortably on the windowsill. I order a pizza. Half pepperoni. Half plain.

I settle on the couch with the pizza on the coffee table and beer in my hand. The doorknob wiggles. Claire. She always has trouble with the lock. I hear voices. She didn’t bring Frank here, did she? She wouldn’t do that. Not since last time and that disaster. She pushes the door open and quickly closes it. She’s alone. I can relax.

She whispers, “Mrs. Cook is such a talker. I lied and said I wasn’t feeling well to get away.” She looks at the pizza then back to me. “Why are you here?”

“Pfft. Hello to you too, Claire.” I take a swig of beer and take in her outfit for the first time. Sleeveless, tight black dress emphasizing her generous curves, bare legs. I quickly focus on something else before she catches me.

She throws her bag on the counter. “Tsk. You’re cranky.”

“My date canceled.”

“What was her name again?”

I grunt. “Chloe.”

“Aw. Why did she cancel?” She sits next to me on the couch.

“She didn’t say. It was a second date. No big deal. I wasn’t that into her.”

“That’s right. She was the low talker. Played with her hair too much.”

“Mm hm.” I reach forward to take another slice of pepperoni and offer her a slice of plain. She takes it happily. Her tongue moistens her lips after the first bite. She groans and leans forward to see the top of the box. Her dress rides a little higher. Now I’m licking my lips. She hums, “Antonio’s. You went all out tonight.”

She settles in next to me. We sit shoulder to shoulder. “How’s Frank?” I ask because I should.

“Frank. He’s good.” She takes a bite and snuggles closer. I glance at the goosebumps on her thighs. The air is too cold. That will be the next thing she says. “What’s the temperature in here?”

“Don’t you worry about that.” I mumble and close the pizza box. I stretch my legs out on the coffee table, and she does the same. I follow the lines of her long legs. “Frank was ok with you wearing those?” I point to her strappy black stilettos.

“No. Of course he wasn’t. I was eyeball to eyeball with him. I might have been even a little taller. Whatever. They look cute with the dress.”

“Mm hm.” I agree and laugh at something on tv.

“Oh shit. I just remembered what I wanted to tell you!” She grabs my forearm. “Frank wants to get a tattoo. Can you believe it?”

“Uh no. Frank. Christ no. What and where?”

“The symbol for doctors. Whatever they call that…on his bicep. He’ll never go through with it.” She shrugs. “It’s a pity. I do think they’re sexy.”

“You do?”

“Oh yea. Major turn on.”

“Really? Do you think I should get one?”

She twists her body to face mine. “Hm. I think one right here would be hot.” She places her hand on my left pec and squeezes. “Your fire station number or truck. Flames. Or…” She traces a design with her fingertip. I grab her wrist and kiss the inside.

Her breath catches. “Jamie.”

“Claire.” I hold her gaze.

“What are you thinking?” She bats her lashes.

“I’m thinking my date cancelled. Frank’s gone. It’s still early.  I thought maybe we could…” I waggle my eyebrows.

She holds back a smile. “I mean we’ve already seen all the latest releases on Netflix.”

“True. And you’ve been stressed with work and such.” I toy with the hem of her skirt.

“It does relax me. Will you go down on me?”

“Aye. If you like…” My cock twitches.

“I like.” She giggles. I stretch my neck and ask for her mouth. She holds up her finger. “Ah ah. You know the rules. No kissing.”

“Claire.” She has all these stupid rules. No kissing. No sleeping in the same bed. Not during the day. She used to make me shut the lights too. I got that one overturned. I want to see her.

“Jamie.” She gives me a stern look.

“Fine. Take your panties off.”

She stands before me and raises her dress. Tiny black lace panties. A scrap of fabric. A thrill runs through me knowing Frank hadn’t a clue what his lass had on under her dress. But I do. Fuck I do. I salivate knowing what comes next. She pushes them over her hips. I slide to the floor and rest my head back on the cushions.

“Sit on my face, Claire.” My voice is hoarse with desire. She straddles me and lowers her body until she meets my mouth. I have the best view in Glasgow. No. The world. She holds onto the back of the couch and rides my face. I’m relentless. I want her to come and quick because I’m aching for my turn. I clasp onto her hips and double my efforts. She calls out. Nothing incoherent either. She’s very clear. My name followed by instructions. It’s a major turn on. I don’t care if the whole building can hear us. Yeah our neighbors suspect something. Frank doesn’t. That’s all the matters. Because if he found out I fuck his girlfriend, she would end this. And that cannot happen.

“Oh God, Jamie. Yes. Yes. Don’t stop.” She holds my head in place as she comes all over my chin. I lick up every last drop. She moans. “Christ. You’re so good at that….”

I pant, “Get down here and ride me.”

“Don’t you want me to return the favor?” She moistens her lips. I’m tempted. Very tempted.

“Next time. You’re tight and soaking wet. I want to be in you.” I push my gym shorts down. My cock springs free. “Get on.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Condom.” I open the coffee table drawer and she takes one out of the small box hidden in the back. We learned a long time ago to keep them close by. She rips the wrapper off with her teeth and covers my cock. She lowers herself down taking me whole. My head rolls back. I pull her dress off and undo her bra. She likes to stay covered. I’m not having it. I like her breasts bouncing in my face.

"Did you feed remember to feed DB?" She changes her angle. Christ.

I grunt. "Yes. I fed him."

"I'm worried about him. He's moving slower than normal." She pants as she picks up the pace.

"He seems fine to me."

“Jamie.”

“What?”

“I’m going to come again.” She bucks her hips furiously.

“Ok, so?”

“I didn’t want to catch you off guard. Then you’ll get excited and it will end too soon. You hate that.” She never stops riding me. We’ve gotten very good at having full conversations while fucking.

“I do. But contrary to what you think, I do know when you’re close. There’s no catching me off guard.”

“You know?”

“Aye. Your walls squeeze my cock so tight sometimes I think you are going to break it off.” I smirk. “There’s other signs too.”

“Like what?”

Careful. “Other stuff.”

“Tell me.”

“You make noises.” And your face has the sweetest, sexiest expression sometimes I think about it when I’m not with you, and I get hard.

“I do not.” She pouts. It’s too cute. I lift her up and slam her down. My balls are getting tight.

“Oh aye. And loud too.”

“Do I feel like I’m close now?”

“No. But I can make you.” I bite my lip and sit up straight until her legs spread wider. I take her nipple in my mouth and suck hard. She whimpers and her head rolls back. That’s it. There we go.

“Oh Jamie. Yes.”

“You’re tight and very close. Ride me and we’ll come together.” And she does. My balls ache. She’s going to have rug burn at this rate. “That’s it, lass.”

She frowns.

“I mean, Claire.” I give her a tight smile. She laughs. It does something. It vibrates through her. Through me. There we go. Her mouth pops open. I’m tempted to kiss her. As I always am. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s only natural. I slam her down one last time. We both call out. I can almost hear our neighbors cursing us out.

I rest my head on her shoulder while we catch our breath. She goes to pull away. I bite her. “Jamie! Let go.”

I release my grip. She stands and walks away still wearing her stilettos. I watch from the living room floor. She’s right. It’s never long enough and I hate it. She tosses me a box of tissues and a water bottle before she enters her bedroom. Minutes later I hear her shower running. I would join her if this was more than sex but it’s not.

[its-time-to-write]

i hold it like a grudge - ch. 1

okayyy so I’m completely done with this fic! I’m editing my posts now, and I’m not sure if it’ll all get done tonight. Definitely tomorrow. Here’s the first chapter, hope you enjoy!

table of contents you have everything (you still want more)

To say you were blindsided would be a gross understatement. 

You were metaphorically slapped in the face so hard that you feel like you have a broken neck due to whiplash.

Your boyfriend had been away for the week with his football team, and you hadn’t been able to go with him. So you’d done what any WAG would do and watched the match on his giant telly, all decked out in pale blue.

Life with Jamie Tartt as your boyfriend was great. You’d been dating since secondary school while he was in the academy. It was strange to go from chicken shop dates to meals that cost more than your rent. He’d promised to pay for your uni fees which was a godsend because there was no way you’d be able to afford it on your own. You both had a whole future planned together.

Which is why you’re shocked to see Jamie’s name in the papers, followed by the name Keeley Jones.

And a picture of them kissing.

You aren’t even googling him when you find out. You’re out for groceries of all things, groceries for his welcome-home dinner in a day and a half. His name catches your eye so you stop to smile at him before you realize what you’re looking at.

The world goes fuzzy, your gaze locked on their lips.

In a single moment, your world has been tilted completely on its head.

You find yourself in Jamie’s too-large flat, staring at your phone, willing yourself to press the green call button.

You take a shallow breath and hold the phone up to your ear. It rings once, twice, almost to the point where it’ll go to voicemail, but then you hear Jamie say, “What?”

“What?” you reply, “what do you mean, what? I should be the one asking you that? What the fuck are you doing kissing an instagram model??”

Jamie snorts and says four words that cause your heart to drop like a stone.

“We’re broken up, babe.”

Your breath is coming in too fast and too shallow. “When were you going to tell me that we fucking broke up? And don’t call me babe!” you choke out.

Jamie says, “Thought it were implied,” in a dismissive voice. It’s foreign to you. He’s never spoke to you- to anyone like this before.

“Right, okay, yeah, makes total sense. I find out we’ve broken up after seeing you in the papers with another girl,” you retort.

“Glad it’s finally clicking,” Jamie says. It’s strange how much he can hurt you, even through the phone. 

A voice calls him in the background, a voice you presume belongs to Keeley Jones, and then there’s silence. He’s hung up. 

You stare at your phone for a long, long time. 

—

All you can think about is what you did wrong. You comb Jamie’s flat for anything that belongs to you, shove it into your car, and drive back to your own, too-small too-crowded flat. 

You wonder if you were too clingy as you carefully fold up every Man City kit. You think it’s possible you weren’t affectionate enough as you stack every polaroid photo. You wonder if maybe it has to do with your physical appearance as you hunt for scissors and some matches.

You try to make yourself not care as you burn the photos and cut up the shirts.

Your hands linger over a maroon away kit. It was always your favorite, and for a moment you consider keeping it.

Then you remember Jamie saying, glad it’s finally clicking as though you never meant anything, so you grab the scissors and cut it into shreds.

—

Uni is out of the question. There is absolutely no way you’re going to be able to afford it so you start two full-time jobs. 

Every day feels like a struggle to breathe. You get out of bed and tell yourself I can do this as you get ready for work and tighten your budget. The drowning feeling never quite goes away, but the months pass all the same. 

You’re grateful that although you don’t save a lot of money, you’re able to pay your bills on time. Your flatmates generally leave you alone when you’re home, but you’ve found ice cream in the freezer with your name on it that you know you didn’t buy. They’ll place a blanket over you every time you fall asleep on the couch, and fervently ban all Manchester City merchandise from entering the flat.

Breakthrough comes in the form of a gift.

A literal gift, and one you’re giving, not receiving.

It’s a set of earrings for a friend, hoops with her name set around them. She wears them to work exactly once, and the next thing you know, orders are pouring in. 

It’s enough that you quit one job, then the next, then hire both flatmates to help you in the evenings. Pretty soon, there’s an opportunity for you to open a small shop in a part of London. You get a larger flat (all to yourself!) and before long, Manchester blue no longer haunts you.

—

The bell above the door rings, signifying a customer. 

“Hi, you okay?” you say from behind the counter. You turn around and lock eyes with Keeley Jones, followed by Jamie Tartt.

Just breathe.

Jamie looks spooked, well, he looks spooked to you. Not sure if anyone else would know his expressions well enough to catch the shock cross his face. Keeley smiles brightly, and you can see that same adoring look you used to have. Maybe a little muted, she’s more mature than you were, so she probably understands her role in this relationship. Enjoy it while you can, get out before it hurts.

You can’t think about it now so before Jamie can ruin anything more you decide to play dumb and fucking introduce yourself as though your ex-boyfriend and the woman he shagged behind your back aren’t in your safe space that you created to escape him.

Keeley didn’t know, you remind yourself, except at this point it’s more of a prayer of faith hingeing on Jamie’s apparent selfish nature. There’s a good chance he didn’t mention you, a far cry from the boy who used to follow you grocery shopping because he liked to be with you (and so he could slip his card in the register before you had a chance to protest).

“Hi, I’m Keeley,” she says with a smile. “This one’s Jamie, but you’ll be hearing more about him I’m sure. He’s a footballer on loan to AFC Richmond, and he’s fucking brilliant on the pitch.”

You copy her smile. “How can I help you?”

“I saw your earrings on instagram, and I absolutely had to get some. Then when we moved here, I wanted to see your shop! And this one said he’d get them for me, isn’t that sweet?” 

Keeley wraps herself around Jamie’s arm, oblivious to the way he can’t figure out how to react.

He settles on a nod and a grunt, so you pull out different hoop sizes and letter fonts, and get to work.

She settles on gold, with tiny letters spelling Keeley.

“They’ll be ready for pickup in three days,” you say, ushering them out the door.

Keeley hasn’t stopped smiling this whole time and in contrast, Jamie hasn’t stopped frowning, but they’ve made their purchase and are headed down the street.

The moment they’re well and truly gone, you pull out your phone and Google, Jamie Tartt richmond. The top results are all about his loan from City to AFC Richmond, your Richmond; your escape is no longer an escape. It’s only a matter of time before his face is plastered all around town. The thought of it turns your stomach.

But there’s no way you’ll ever see him. 

So you get through your day like normal, head back home, and play too-loud music through your headphones as you cook dinner. By the time it’s ready, you’re dancing to Islands in the Stream with all worries about Jamie firmly banished from your mind.

table of contents

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Hi Elanor, we met briefly on the taping of your husband's fringe show and you were super nice, no good deed etc. I'm pretty sure I've seen you post about lecturing at a uni.

I've been thinking about heading back to uni for a master's, with the possibility of a career shift into academia after, but I'm somewhat wary of the lack of job security with fixed term contracts and such, and just generally unsure how one goes about getting a job teaching at uni. Most people I know in academia are primarily interested in research, with the idea of lecturing being mostly incidental, I'm almost the other way around.

How did you get started in your field, and how much of that do you think applies to new entrants today? Did you have to/get to make a choice between research and lecturing? Any insight you might have, or a starting point for further research would be greatly appreciated.

Hello again! It was lovely meeting you!

Sure, yes, so, my path in began as an HPL - an hourly paid lecturer. A colleague on my old degree course was signed off work with stress, so another old lecturer of mine was asking if any graduates wanted to do a bit of lecturing to cover him. It coincided with my job losing its main funding and so going to part time hours, so it worked.

It started as one module for one semester. Which became the module for the year, then two and a half the following year, then four the next two years. And then, under UK law, if you hold an HPL contract with the same institution for four years, they have to give you a proper contract, so now I'm on a permanent four days a week with full lecturer status.

And then if you do it that way round i.e. become a lecturer before holding a teaching qualification, the uni will pay to put you through a PCET - I'm due to finish my PCET in May this year.

HPL work... Well. There are advantages and disadvantages to this approach. HPLs are the lecturing equivalent of hospital cleaning staff - absolutely vital and chronically overlooked and underpaid. It's a zero hours position, so you get paid only for the time you spend actually delivering the lectures, at a rate (IIRC it was about £33 per hour?) that assumes one hour's prep for every two hours lecture. Needless to say, prepping a two hour lecture takes longer than an hour. You also don't get paid for the marking you do, and you receive basically no guidance on how to actually teach - best case scenario is that they can give you copies of the lecture slides used by previous academics in the role, which you can use as a guide or amend to your liking. And the final topping on the shit cake is that HPL contracts run for a semester at a time, so they very much fall into the 'precarious employment' bracket.

But, as I say, you can very quickly make yourself indispensable, and then after four years they have to give you a contract. Or, you just do it to mine it for the experience for a CV. I've known people who did HPL work for two unis at once while studying a PCET and then walked into a proper position in a third elsewhere.

Because the other root is to get a Masters, get a PCET (as part of which you need to do a placement anyway), and then apply for lecturer roles. Again, advantages and disadvantages - these days, lecturer roles are hotly contested. But it's very possible, I know many who have done it.

So! Regarding the other part of your question!

Some universities are more teaching focused, others are more research focused, some are a bit of both. If you know that the main thing you want to do is the teaching part, then you want to give priority to the universities that are more teaching focused themselves. These are usually the non-Russell Group prestigious ones, particularly the ones with a slightly more local student body. Anything with a qualifier like 'Metropolitan' after its name, either now or in the recent past, is a good idea - in Wales, for example, UWTSD includes the old Swansea Met, USW includes the old Cardiff Met, etc. Those are more teaching focused institutions (and therefore better at serving non traditional students, too, especially disabled ones), so in career terms, those are handy to shoot for.

(Also, those can have high turnovers of research academics by contrast. So it's usually relatively easy to get HPL work from them to plug employment gaps.)

Anyway - that's me. Good luck if you do decide to try it! Let me know if you have any other questions

[love-toxin]

Yandere fruity four wanting that with you though. Wanting you to give in and let them completely take care of everything for you. Quit uni, quit work, you don’t have to do anything! Just stay at home and be loved, with people who will provide everything, and do anything, for you.

And they can tell you’re close! You’re soooo close to giving in. To quitting any and all of your responsibilities. They’re trying everything they can, together and individually, to finally push you over the edge. But it’s when you break down into tears, and say “What if I need my job or to get through all these exams, because in the future... you all leave me? Then I’ll be alone, with nothing!” That breaks all their hearts right then and there, and you’re covered head to toe in people who are teary eyed (even the ones you wouldn’t expect like Nancy) at you even thinking that for a second! They all promise they’ll never leave you. That’s... that’s not even a possibility! Okay! Not. Going. To happen. You don’t ever have to worry about that, they swear, darling please don’t get upset, it’s not gonna happen. You don’t even know how much that’s not gonna happen! They never want a future where you’re not in it 🥺!!!!

Once you’re assured in that, that you will be stable and secure with them, that they’re not going to leave you when you have nothing backing you, that’s when you finally let go of all your hard responsibilities. No more exams that make you have panic attacks, Nancy called and quit uni for you that day, no more calling the gang (who you don’t know are right outside) to walk you home because of a threatening customer, because Steve handed in your resignation - not even a two weeks for their angel, no more having to leave overnight for errands and tasks. You’ve just got to be happy now. Just focus on enjoying your life! With them!!!! Because now you’ve mentioned the insecurity of any, let alone all, of the four leaving you, even if you’re over it, you’re never having a moment where they’re not wanting you at home by their sides, ever again. They really wanna prove it now <3333

WWWAAAAAHHHH YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE!!!! WANT!!!!

(cws: yandere fruity four, panic attacks/anxiety, overwork/burnout, mentions of toxic people + abuse)

sobs.......just.....the mental image of Nancy staying up late to fill out all the paperwork you need to quit university, fielding any and all calls from administration to answer all the questions for you so they don't convince you you're making a mistake you don't have to worry, going straight to the campus to inform your professors you won't be attending exams and picking up any last items or papers they have to give back....she's got the grace to bid your goodbyes for you to the people you actually liked, classmates and professors and others who may wonder if you're okay, she reassures them that you've just got a new lease on life and you're taking a new direction. and she ensures she makes the necessary arrangements so that any letters or grades come through her, rather than straight to you, as an added measure. she doesn't want any bad news coming down on you directly for this new period in your life, you're already better in their care but it's going to take some adjusting, and Nancy's not gonna let you be swayed by guilt or anything else to return to this life you had now that they've reassured you they can make your new one better.

and Steve smugly walking into your work and handing in your resignation for you, loving the face of your manager dropping when they get frustrated that you're quitting so suddenly, don't you know the store is busy this time of year?! but Steve stands strong, unflinching, knowing exactly what this environment and these people have done to you and your self-esteem, and knowing he's strong enough to endure the aftermath because he'll never let you go through this garbage again. he'll never let his sweet, pure baby angel get yelled at, overworked, demeaned, or harassed for something as simple as money--he'll never let you answer another call demanding you come cover a shift, never watch you tiredly get ready for work because they wouldn't give you a sick day, and never have to stand at your side as he walks you out late at night to protect you from some creep. and even when your boss insists on you coming in to talk to them and work something out, Steve's already walking out, relieved that you never have to deal with them or any customer ever again.

Robin personally attending to you for those initial hours and days and weeks after you drop your responsibilities, almost being your personal nurse in the sense that she ensures she's present for every panic attack, intrusive thought, and frantic terror of you thinking you made a huge mistake and trying to go fix it--to go crawling back to your work and plead for your job back, to beg the university to let you re-enroll, to try and claw back that sense of normalcy you had even though it was absolutely destroying you inside. she brings you back down every time; she talks you through it all again, helps you remember how awful it was and how stressed you were, how you weren't happy and it just wasn't working for you, and reminds you that you have options now. you're not ruining your life, or abandoning the tasks you think you need to do because everyone expects you to--you have the choice not to, and they can support you now, and they will never regret making you that promise to take care of you.

and Eddie, he deals with the really bad stuff coming from the outside. he's the one that stands at the door and takes the yelling and cursing from the toxic people in your life; parents, siblings, friends, family, anybody who wants to stomp up to the front porch of your new home and demand to see you, demand you pick your common sense back up and return to your duties, even though they never did anything to help you lighten the load and never cared whether it was killing you or not. he answers calls from your bosses when they ask why the hell you aren't showing up for your shifts and tells them to fuck off, he sits on the porch with a cigarette and glares at any familiar car that drives up, scaring them so bad until they give up and peel away. he's the wall between you and the negativity in your life that was weighing you down, and he swears to you and the others that it doesn't bother him to be the punching bag for you. no, not at all--he loves it, he loves getting smug in the faces of people who relied on you so much but never gave you a break, he loves watching them squirm when it dawns on them that they can't have that person who would take their abuses anymore. and he loves knowing that you're happier with them, with him, and that he gets to rub it all in their faces that you don't need to take any of that shit anymore.

[callmewrinkles3]

Deal.

July 2018

Em still wasn't sure why she'd agreed to do this. She could have left. She could have walked away and pretended that Dan never sent that text, that she'd leave Dan alone and pretend they'd never met. That Monaco never happened. It would have made her life easier.

But Dan had actually called her and she couldn't turn him down over the phone. And without thinking she told him to meet her at her favourite cafe in Ealing, close to where she'd been to uni. So she was sitting there trying to get some work done before he arrived. She'd nearly texted him to go to the Pret down the street, somewhere unfamiliar, but she deleted the message. A familiar place would be better for her nerves, Sue grinning and starting her latte as she walked in and asking how Em was and what she was doing.

She sat in the corner with her coffee and a chicken sandwich that Ron handed her with a smile and a greeting. She'd have loved to say that she didn't notice Dan walking in, but she did immediately. It was too small to not notice someone arrive, but that curly hair was too much to ignore. He came straight across to her with his broad smile and she couldn't help but return it.

"Hey Emmy, what're you drinking? I'll get one."

"Caramel latte, just tell Sue it's for me and she'll know." It took five minutes before he was back, one of the little trays in his hands carrying everything. There was a coffee for each of them, a blueberry muffin for her and a noodle salad for Dan, with a slice of cake in between them on the table to share.

"The woman at the counter said this is your favourite, is that right? I guess you come here often."

"Yeah, I used to work here in uni. Still pull shifts if they need a hand and I have time." Em took a sip of her coffee, smiling at the taste. "Congrats on France, by the way. And happy birthday, I hope it's a good year for you."

"Thanks, we're doing drinks after Silverstone for it. At least I got to finish the race this time! Plus some good points. But how are you? How was the last few weeks?"

She paused, trying to work out how to make it sound more fun than it had been. "You know, the usual. Working, making sure Blake's apartment doesn't fall apart while he's running around the world."

They both took a bite in the awkward silence that had fallen between them and Em waited for him to speak. It had never been awkward between them before.

"I owe you an apology." It was the most serious she'd ever heard him before.

"Dan-"

"No, Emmy, please. I owe you one. I shouldn't have just ignored you, that was wrong and I'm sorry. I know it doesn't fix it but I didn't mean to. Yeah I was busy, but I shouldn't have. I promise I didn't want to. Work was insane and with the way my schedule is I didn't want to bother you when you have enough going on." She watched him take a few seconds to work out how to phrase what he wanted to say and let him pause. "I'm sorry. It wasn't a one night stand, and you're my friend. I don't want us to lose any of what we have."

"You don't need to apologise, Dan. We both did it."

"Yeah but I w-"

"Look, Dan, I still want to be your friend. I still want to hang out with you and spend time with you when you have it, and we both know you don't have much." She took a breath to get the rest of what she needed to say out, "But I don't think we should sleep together anymore. You mean a hell of a lot to me, and if we keep sleeping together we're going to fuck up eventually. We can be friends though, right?"

"Yeah. Friends." The smile on his face didn't fully reach his eyes and that hurt Em, but she knew it was the right call. And if he didn't want to be her friend he could fade out of her life. It'd be fine. They stayed quiet eating for a few moments.

"So you're coming to Silverstone, right? I organised a hotel room for you."

"Dan..."

"I have your pass!" He pulled four passes from his jacket, lanyards wrapped around the neatly stacked batch. "You don't have to take a flight this time. Please? As my birthday present?"

"I have your birthday present, actually. It's not much, but here." Em felt so silly pulling it out of her bag. The book was carefully wrapped in blue paper. She'd seen Jack Brabham's autobiography in her favourite second hand book shop the week after Monaco and picked it up. Trying to think of a birthday present felt impossible for the man who could have it all. Now sitting in front of him it felt ridiculous to give a Formula One driver a book about one? Stupid. But Dan was opening it so she couldn't take it away.

"It's for me?" Dan asked, oblivious to Em's internal freak out. "Emmy you didn't have to."

"It's nothing. Like seriously, it's nothing. I don't even know what I was thinking when I got it, but you said you wanted to start reading more and I thought it'd be nice."

She took a sip of her drink and looked down at the table for a moment, wanting to give him a couple of moments to act like he was happy instead of just seeing disappointment on his face. Why did she think this was a good idea? Stupid. Stupid.

"You saw this and thought of me?" He smiled as he held it up. A real smile.

"I mean Australian, driver, it made sense in my head. I know it was a stupid idea."

"Emmy it's perfect. I love it. Thank you, seriously. Dad used to tell me stories about watching him drive when he was a kid, he'll love me saying I have this. I love it."

"Glad you like it." She smiled shyly, picking off a piece of muffin to pop into her mouth. "Can I think about the race?"

It was absolutely a lie. She knew she'd say yes. She knew it. There was nothing those brown eyes couldn't make her do.

"Of course you can. But if it helps in any way, I have to say I'd love to see you there." Dan insisted. As much as Em hated to admit it her heart began to melt just a little bit.

[bots-and-cons]

University, dropping courses and writing

University is keeping me very busy, but I’m gonna try to write and post something this week. It’s hard to stay on top of everything, but I’m trying. Writing stuff keeps me sane, and I wish I had more time for it, but I can’t really just abandon my uni work either, and it has to get done in time. I’m sleeping like 55% of my day, sometimes more but very rarely less. Idk if it’s my depression coming back, if it’s autistic burnout again or what the fuck, but I don’t like it. I have so much to do and no energy for anything. “This too shall pass but holy fuck”, as a wise person once said.

I’m drowning in school assignments. I’m going to have to drop two courses I was supposed to do this fall, because I just can’t manage the amount of work. I was originally going to do 37 credits worth of studies this fall, (one uni credit is about 27 hours of work in Finland) but I’m gonna have to drop it to 30 credits. I’m almost done with one of the bigger courses I have for this fall, but I still have two pages to write for the assignment too. It’s a ton of work, since I have to read and research so much for it. I already have 8 pages of it done, but the minimum requirement is 10 pages, so I’ve still got some work to do. I’m just hoping I don’t lose my benefits, since I’m required to do a certain amount of uni credits to keep getting my money.

I still need to talk with the guidance counselor, my tutor teacher and my psychiatric nurse about how I’m going to be lightening my workload at school, but I think it’s for the best. If I don’t drop some of my courses, I’m gonna end up on sick leave or something. I’m just gonna have to do those courses later. They’re independent courses, at least mostly, so it’s not really tied to any specific time. I really hope my teacher and the guidance counselor support me in my decision. I know the psych. nurse is gonna support me, since her job is not to get me to graduate as quickly as possible, unlike the university staff.

I feel like crap for not writing tbh. It’s not even really about the fact that I’m not posting anything, I just haven’t even had the time to write, which sucks ass. I’m gonna try to write once I finish the assignments that have deadlines next week. I think there’s three or four things that have the deadline next week, the earliest one is on Monday, but I want to get them done before that. I want to write and play Minecraft and do the things I enjoy, but I have a hard time enjoying them when the school deadlines are breathing down my neck.

Additionally, I think my tooth is chipped or something. It doesn’t hurt or anything, doesn’t even feel weird, but I can feel a sort of sharp edge on it. So that’s gonna be fun to take care of. I checked the university health services, and they’re apparently super busy and I don’t know if I’m even gonna get an appointment for this year. They luckily have a form you can use to get an appointment, so I might not have to call anyone. Their website says some of the forms have been taken offline though, because they are so busy atm. I’m incredibly bad at taking care of my teeth for multiple reasons, and think it’s finally gonna bite me in the ass.

[ajokeformur-ray]

So I emailed my uni professor last night to tell him about my job situation and everything else going on and he said "well you've done the assignment now so well done, hope you get some downtime" even though I told him yesterday was my only day off at all this week and was studying 3am-11pm on my assignment just to meet the deadline without breaks??? And I have another week of overtime and extra shifts at work and I'm behind on other uni work???? And he didn't do anything to help even though he knows everything???😭

My work senior isn't any help either, she knows everything and is still giving me overtime and is the one putting me into this situation!!!!!! I tell her how demanding uni is, she KNOWS, and yet...😭😭😭

I'm being honest and transparent about my pressures and stresses every step of the way as required to the ones who need to know (I'm not repeating last year's mistakes) and yet... Work doesn't care, uni doesn't care, so I'm yet again running on coffee and energy drinks and four hours of sleep ripping myself to shreds???? Doing my best and going nowhere????!!!!! So as long as I do my shifts and meet assignment deadlines, these people don't care what I have to put myself through to get it done...🙃💀

Oh my god. I wanna give up so bad 💔

I need a hug😭😭😭

[etherealyoungk]

for my bubs @nayaaatv i hope this cheers you up and makes you smile <3 ily bubs

you were tired after a long day. plus you had been sick too for a couple for a while, which lead you to miss out on a few weeks of uni. that led to you having a pile of assignments to complete. you were holed up in your room all day, trying your best to complete and get through the pile of work. but you were so tired, exhaustion written on your face and you just wanted to sleep honestly.

but you had to work on these assignments. you hadn't even taken a proper break to eat, just having cup noodles are you typed away at your laptop. soon your eyes for tired from staring at the laptop screen for so long and you hadn't even realized how fast time had gone by - it was already evening now.

you didn't even realize you had four missed calls and a bunch of texts from vernon, your boyfriend, since you had put your phone on silent, not wanting to get distracted. the music of your doorbell breaks you away from your concentration and you sigh, getting up to open the door. when open the door, a worried vernon is standing in front of you.

"baby?" he asks. "are you okay? i called you a bunch but you didn't pick up", he tells as he steps inside, closing the door behind him.

"i was just trying to catch up on my assignments so i had put my phone on dnd", you explain softly. vernon observed you and he could tell you were tired and he probably knew you were studying all day without taking breaks.

he walks up to your room and he frowns. "did you eat dinner?", he asks looking at you. "i kinda had a late lunch so im not so hungry", you tell quietly as you sit back down at your study table, picking up your pen to continue taking notes. "are you almost done?", he asks. "i'll just finish this question hm", you say and he nods.

he sits on your bed as you try to answer one question, your fingers hovering over the keyboard, but nothing was coming, your mind was empty. honestly, all you wanted to do was be in vernon's arms but the fear of not doing well on the assignments with exams so close scared you.

but soon the frustration got to you and your vision went blurry, tears rolling down your cheeks as you sobbed softly. vernon was by your side immediately, kneeing down next to you as he took your hand, turning your chair so you could face him.

"babe", he says, not sure what else to say but he knows and can tell you're exhausted from today. "let's take a break we can continue studying later", he prompts as he helps you up, practically scooping you up his arms and taking you to bed. he'll make you lie down and quickly run to the kitchen, saying he was going to get something.

and he's back with a bowl of your favorite ice cream, taking your laptop and opening your favorite show on netflix. "i think you deserve a nice evening", he says and you're heart swells with his sweetness and thoughtfulness.

"thank you vernon", you say with a grateful smile as you cuddle against him. you'd ask him to stay the night because you really didn't want him to leave. "don't overwork yourself hm, i hate seeing you having a hard time", he whispers as your eyes fall shut, sleep starting to take over. soon, you're fast asleep in his arms, safe and comforted.

wait i wrote you another cute one because i don't want you to cry after reading the first one 😭

vernon surprising you with flowers on your lunch break at university because he just passed by a flower shop and was reminded of you when he saw the flowers. he'll be shy honestly because it was his first time getting you flowers. when he arrives, he's holding something behind him and you're wondering if he got you something to eat. but he just looks at you, running his free hand through his hair as he tries to calm his nerves. why was he so nervous?

"i got you this", he says, bringing his arm out and presenting you with the pretty bouquet of flowers. "vernon!", you exclaim as you take the flowers from him, so touched by his action. you find it so sweet honestly because this is the first time you've gotten flowers from a guy and coming for vernon made it extra special for you.

"i hope you like them, they just reminded me of you", he says. "i love them!", you tell and he smiles, happy.

later you keep some of the flowers and dry them, putting them between the pages of books to flatten and dry them out so you could have them as a keepsake. after this, vernon would love to surprise you with flowers on random occasions <3

hugs for you, mwahh

[creative-caramel-coffee]

Update

Hey guys sorry for the delay in posting. I know I said I would hopefully be uploading the next chapter for spiders sister / fics in general soon(ish) but I have a few things going on.

1. I have work for my job I have to do.

2. I am extremely exhausted as of late because of worsening heart issues. I’m scheduled to see a cardiologist soon to find out more which is really sad because Im actually quite young (but still over 18 dw hehe). I went to the doctor and they did an ECG I got diagnosed with tachycardia (my heart beats too fast). And aside from being really tired, I am out of breath and almost faint when I stand up. The almost fainting thing happens because my heart rate spikes when I stand / do things which makes daily life a bit difficult rn. And it’ll probably remain an issue until I can know more about what’s going on and how to treat it. So far all we know is it’s a heart issue of some kind.

3. My both of my grandmas are sick and it’s not looking good for either of them. Which is hard to deal with because of how important they are to me and my life.

I am not giving up on my writing (at this point I don’t think I ever even could if I wanted to ((WHICH I DONT)) it might just be anywhere between a few days to weeks until I’m able to write more (for either my ongoing series or just one shots). Basically if my workload eases up or I’m not so tired / have some motivation I might get some more writing done. But for the next little bit I may be a bit slower in bringing out new works.

I probably will be writing a fair few fics ✨projecting✨ though so … yeah.

And I need ALL FOUR of my wisdom teeth out but can’t until we sort the heart issues.

Don’t worry about me though I’ll be ok. And I just thought I should explain why I’m a bit absent lately which has also been partly due to uni workload (in term time).

Also idk if I have said this but I’ll assume I should reiterate based on my lack on anons in my inbox but I’m taking requests (that I deem fit) for both marvel characters (wanda, pepper, Natasha) and marvel cast (Lizzie and Scarlett but I can also have the Olsen twins show up if you want but not as the main characters).

Make sure y’all drink water today and take breaks.

Also if ur one of my anons and you feel like it, come say hi I miss y’all (hehehe)

- ccc ☕️

[zoueriemandzijnopmars]

The Dutch political situation explained*

*to the best of my ability

So, our government collapsed last week and today our current prime minister has declared he will quit politics after the coming elections. So things have been happening and I thought, maybe some non-Dutch people saw some things in the news or on their dash and maybe some Dutch people who do not follow politics are also confused so it might be good to try and break it down. (And I'll try to stay objective)

Why did the government collapse?

That's a good question to start with actually. On the surface it's because they couldn't agree on a migration policy. The largest party, the VVD (right-wing, but if this was the USA it would be centre let's be real. Y'know what, see the figure of the Dutch political landscape at the bottom, they're right-wing but not conservative), which is also the party of the PM (Mark Rutte), apparently suddenly came with extra demands for how refugee families could be reunited and the Christen Unie (CU, a centre-left Christian party), the smallest party of the coalition, felt like they could not agree to these demands. The four coalition parties (others were D66, centre-progressive and CDA, centre-right Christian) are said to have together decided to let the government fall.

However, it is a weird thing to fall over, they have (had) much bigger crises and differences of opinion. These 4 parties have been together in the previous government as well and they almost finished their term, they fell over the Kinderopvangtoeslagaffaire (that is a real word) a few months before the elections were planned to happen. In short, the government had branded some innocent families as frauds, and demanded back a lot of money, resulting to them getting very large debts. Over the years it was discovered that non-white families were much more often targeted than white families and that the government had also known for years those families were innocent but tried to sweep it under the carpet.

All this to say that even though they resigned after all this was discovered, most politicians came back and it is actually still going on, the families are still not fully compensated. I can name about 4 more crisis that they should have dealt with but they (the VVD mostly) chose migration as the hill to die on. It was speculated to be a campaigning thing by Mark Rutte, but him resigning today seems to negate that.

Why is the PM resigning such a big deal?

Mark Rutte has been our longest serving PM ever. He has been PM since 2010, this was his 4th government. This means he’s about the only PM children and many young adults have known (I can personally only vaguely remember the previous PM and no idea who was PM before him). This also means our politics of the last 10 years have been dominated by the VVD. Because there have been many scandals during the years many people were totally done with the VVD and Mark Rutte. However we also knew what he was like.

I personally think the VVD has been getting a lot of votes the past years because some people liked Mark Rutte as PM and all those people will have to figure out who to vote for now. It is quite a weird idea to me that we will actually get a new PM, and a bit scary because while I didn't like Rutte, it could definitely have been worse.

So what about the coming elections?

There are more parties looking for a new leader. The current leader of the CDA has also said he’ll quit and it is unclear what the leader of D66 will do. The two largest left-wing parties, PvdA and GroenLinks have been working together more and more the past few years and they want to do the coming elections as one team, but their members first have to vote on the plans and if they agree it is unclear who will lead this. However, as you can see below, we have quite a lot of left-wing parties, which as a result are none of all very big, so it might be interesting to see what will happen if there’s suddenly one big party to vote for.

And then there are 2 other factors. Firstly, the BBB (right-wing, farmers’ party) became the largest during the provincial elections last year, while the coalition parties lost. Will people also vote for them during the national elections? And if they become the largest who will they be willing to work with in the government?

The last factor can be really important or be absolutely nothing. There’s this guy called Pieter Omtzigt, he was a member of the CDA, but they fought within the party and he decided to become independent. Now, he is quite popular, during the last election he alone got enough votes to theoretically fill 5 seats in parliament, and became well known because he was one of the main politicians trying to figure out the truth behind the Kinderopvangtoeslagaffaire (there it is again). However, it is completely unknown what he will do, will he stay in politics? Will he start his own party? (He doesn’t have much time for that anymore.) Will he join another party? (The BBB? Update: He said he will not join BBB) We have no idea, but if he decides to stay in politics it can become very interesting.

And this was my break-down of current Dutch politics. I hope it cleared some things up for some people. The main point is that everything is quite insecure right now and that it will take a while before we get a better picture, with the politicians all firstly going on holiday, it might take a while until we'll know when the elections are going to be and who we will be able to vote for.