#i have far too many sensory issues

[starcunin]

Guys, I can't do it.

[inseparabiles]

Hi, my freeranged and appropriately enriched audience. I need to talk about something real big bad and I think I've already ended all of my friendships for this reason, so I'm doing it here instead.

This scene? After Colosseum?

There's so many things going on in this scene, and for the love of everything that is holy, in order to talk about any of it, I've clipped Macrinus out of the picture because he doesn't exist.

I'll start with the fact that, while these two are described as somewhat pathologically paranoid, this is the first day we see them living through that gives them significant reason to be worried. Most days, they seem to coast by being both terminally naïve and endlessly isolationist in terms of their company, focusing solely on each other and themselves, particularly their hedonistic pursuits, while assuming that everybody they surround themselves with loves them, for whatever reason. Everything is going great for them as far as they're perceiving it. They don't know the audiences are not cheering for them - they take every cheer as if it was aimed at them. Presenting Acacius at the Colosseum for the first day of the games? They receive no applause beyond what the audience is already dishing out upon their introductions. But producing Marcus Acacius has the audience heated, and these two somehow think that's for them. They're idiots. Morons. They're so stuck in their own delusions of grandeur that yes, while they do recognise they're in Rome and Roman emperors have a terrible tendency to catch a blade, they don't seem to be actually living that reality at all.

What we know from the script is, however, that they have never truly known stability or safety: his whole life, Geta has been shielding Caracalla from their father's explosive anger. Caracalla, presumably, has witnessed this if nothing else, though I'm curious about that golden tooth within this context. I'm sure he's caught some inbetween there, too, because Geta can only afford so much shield from a grown man. And they've never had any protection from any of that. Nobody would stand up to an emperor to protect a prince; they were his rightful property. He could do with his boys whatever he pleased, and Geta's sole duty has been, it seems, not to survive, but ensure that his brother does. His pain has never mattered. His rights, needs, wants, wishes have never mattered. Caracalla's have.

I'm sure they used to be at each other's throats like the wolf pups that they are when they were younger. But what you can see with them in their early adulthood is that this is something that does not apply anymore. They'll hurt anybody else, particularly anyone they perceive as hostile to them, and most often it's done just for fun and pleasure. This makes Caracalla's fetish for watching violence particularly interesting - what with the complex relationship kinks and fetishes can often have with prior trauma, feelings of powerlessness, and attempts to regain control - but that's for a wholly different meta there. What I'm getting at is that it's always others they inflict cruelty upon, and enjoy, but never each other; there is an absolute dynamic between them, it's them against the world, them for one another. Geta's first duty is to protect Caracalla, and Caracalla trusts him implicitly. At least before this scene.

While script!Geta has less patience for his brother than Quinn's Geta does, there is never any doubt there who and what his priority is. Caracalla comes first to him. So, it's safe to say that with Dondus screaming, when he flings his water in Caracalla's face, it's never with the intent of hitting him. I have sensory issues and I'll be the first to admit I've thrown things when my processing threshold is violently crossed and it's something you just don't second-guess, like someone hitting your knee joint with a hammer. But regardless of intent, the consequences are so very interesting. And I'm sure Caracalla, even, knows that this wasn't intentional. Dear gods though, look at his reaction.

This is the face of someone telling you you have crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed.

And, for the sake of my sanity, I need to make sure everybody understands that Caracalla's way to emphasise just how much things have broken here is to say absolutely nothing, leave the room, and go cry under a table. Terrifying. But I digress; what is terrifying is Geta, after this has happened.

This is the face of a man who has crossed a boundary of his own, and it has quite little to do with the previous. Yes, Caracalla is angry at him, and there will be consequences in some form. Again, for now, the consequences are that he's chosen to become inconsolable and hide under furniture, likely much as he did when their father had his rages. But Geta, for the first time in his life, broke out of his role of a protector, and the one to be beaten.

He's realised that Caracalla is not untouchable. And for ages, he doesn't move, because his whole world has shaken here; and what he does then to justify his actions is blame his brother for them. Caracalla did absolutely nothing to earn what he did to him, but it's now his fault, for being so unstable. A liability. How could Caracalla make him do this to him, truly.

This evening, Geta's been brought face to face with his reality: he is not loved. He is not untouchable. While he can mandate the word of gods, he is not, himself, regarded as a god. Not like he deserves. Not like he should be. He's suffered so much - but he is a great man, and he knows this. He's not stupid, and he's a conqueror, albeit from his comfortable seat at home. But he deserves better.

And what, pray, is standing in the way? What is holding him back? His brother is. Caracalla, who is always embarrassing him. Who is his first and last responsibility each day and each night, who needs him to watch his every move, to keep him safe not only from the world but from himself and his own instability, his insanity, his unpredictable actions. Without Caracalla, Geta could be focusing on being an emperor. He could be achieving so much more than he is, if he wasn't his brother's constant, eternal keeper, his babysitter, his court jester. And he deserves more, doesn't he? He deserves to be remembered.

So, let Macrinus (who doesn't exist as you can see from the screenshots) handle Caracalla this time. Geta has an empire to think of.

And this, this is what interests me about this scene more than anything. For Caracalla's part, things seem at a glance much more benign, though no less broken: the one thing he took as certain as air has fallen apart - that his brother would always stand for him first, and would never lay a finger on him to hurt him. His brother, who bled for him, protected him from their father, and has ever since looked after him, elevated him to the highest status, aside from some... minor symptoms of hubris, of course. But while all of this hurts him, deeply, fundamentally, it isn't enough to make him immediately see Geta as his enemy.

And I can't stop asking - should he? Should he now regard Geta as his enemy? His whole world is collapsing. It's from this very moment onwards (yes, this one, specifically) that he begins to show symptoms of acute psychosis: delusions, paranoia, severe lapses in reality, memory, and continuity. He doesn't look like he sleeps either, but of course, other factors come into play with that part. (And gods know I don't blame him for that.)

Geta was his foundation, his bedrock. They were in this together, whatever happened. Yes, they bicker, but they've always known how that goes: Geta's patience is endless with Caracalla, and Caracalla's thirst for violence is not turned towards him, even at its worst. Geta has no issues turning his back to Caracalla in the state that he is while the man is wielding a sword and doing god knows what with it in the background. Not for one second does Geta flinch when coming between Caracalla, his sword, and a man he's already condemned to die, because Caracalla would never harm him, either.

But after this? After the first blow, however small? What then?

I'm just asking questions here. This could lead onto the next subject - the way Caracalla's whole demeanor changes when he inflicts the first wound on his brother and finds that he bleeds just the same - but I'm keeping that to me for now.

edit: I did not keep it to myself, by popular demand. Here.

[autball]

Part 4 of a 5 part series about the ways harmful practices can be made to sound appealing and how to spot the differences between helpful and harmful approaches.

Sensory sensitivities are a huge part of being autistic (and sometimes ADHD, too). They can range from kind of annoying but manageable to debilitating and meltdown-inducing. They can fluctuate from day to day and situation to situation. They can seem to pop up one day out of nowhere and disappear just as quickly.

Sensory differences are dynamic, which can make them unpredictable and disruptive. Not many people want to live that way, so working on sensory desensitization with someone who has a lot of sensitivities sounds like a thing that could help. Fewer meltdowns and able to do more things? Yes please!

But as you might have guessed, there’s a giant problem with that: reducing sensitivity isn’t really a thing you can do TO someone. At least, not without inducing a trauma response or two. You can certainly get someone to learn to ignore their own body signals or pretend to be fine when they’re not, but that’s not a sensory thing. That’s a dissociation thing.

“Sensory desensitization” is usually code for exposure therapy. Exposure therapy has its uses, but addressing legitimate sensory issues isn’t one of them. And it should only be done WITH someone who can fully consent and actively participate. Coercing and/or forcing someone to interact with distressing sensory input until they stop reacting is not that.

“Sensory desensitization” also operates under the assumption that people just get used to, or habituate to, the noises and sensations around them, even ones that bother them. But studies have shown that autistic people actually don’t habituate to sensory stimuli the way non-autistic people do. It may take way longer to happen, or it may never happen at all.

You know what can and does happen? Sensory sensitivities can just kinda…change. All on their own. We grow up, our hormones change, our stress levels change, our environments change, and our sensory profiles are affected by all of those things (and more!). Sensitivities can just disappear, naturally, without any intervention. And that’s about the only thing I’d ever refer to as real sensory desensitization.

But sensory sensitivities can go any which way. Maybe new ones rear their ugly heads. Or maybe something bothers us at a level 7 one day and 2 the next, then goes all the way up to 11 next week. And then there are the ones that just stay pretty much the same, all the time, forever.

I could not handle pants for a long time as a kid, but then somewhere along the way, I could. I really couldn’t tell you when it happened. There are some foods that used to make me gag that no longer do, and there are some that I still just cannot handle. I have never been okay with things that stick to my hands, and that really hasn't changed since as far back as I can remember. 

You know what all these sensory sensitivities have in common? Someone made me “tolerate” them at some point, often repeatedly. And none of them changed (or didn’t) because of repeated exposure, but because of my natural development. All I got from forced exposure was this lousy tendency to disconnect from myself.

Sensory desensitization is just not a thing we should be trying to do to people. Sensory *integration* is a real thing that can help people, but that is a whole different animal that requires more than just exposing people to stuff that bothers them. You’ll need an OT (Occupational Therapist) with the specialized training for that. Just make sure they’re not sneaking behaviorism tactics or exposure therapy in there either (yep, the words “sensory integration” can be used to misrepresent what they’re doing, too).

It is a far better thing to help someone learn about their own sensory profile and how to manage their sensory needs than to make them ignore their own body signals. Alexithymia is not #goals.

[medstudentinfandom]

Autistic Alastor thoughts! AKA this man is one of the most autistic men to ever autism, and my sources are like half projection. But! I also have many thoughts/justifications/headcanons that I wanna share. So here they are.

Alastor learned to mask from an incredibly young age. He was a mixed child growing up in the south in the early 1900s, I think he would have recognized VERY early on that he ought to not do anything that would draw more intention than necessary

Went into radio because that was the most socially acceptable way for him to have a career that fully centered around him talking uninterrupted about his special interests.

Had a bit of trouble while alive in finding the line of when dark humor went a bit too far. His jokes about the stock market crash were well received and seen as a lovely little reprieve from the terrifying reality. Making offhand comments about who the "New Orleans Butcher" should target next didn't land quite as well.

His refusal to adapt to modern times relates a lot to his autism. He's already learned everything he can about radio, went through the trouble of learning the powers he was granted in Hell, why would he waste his time learning about all this newfangled technology? All of his old tech works perfectly fine, thank you.

Personally I've pretty much settled in the fact that he is physically incapable of dropping his smile. BUT something something hypermasking to the point the desire to appear "normal" by neurotypical standards loops back around to being creepy and off putting to all nt's in the room.

I think he experienced that somewhat while alive (overcompensating for his lack of eye contact by staring at people HARD, etc.) and tried to adjust that. But in Hell? Full uncanny valley, he does not care, he will be strange and off putting and he will ENJOY IT

Going back to Alastor's refusal to adapt, his hatred for change also means he DESPISES how much Vox has changed. He liked Vox, he was comfortable with Vox, there was literally nothing wrong with the way Vox was. And then he went and changed his body and demeanor and he was supposed to want to stick around him (he does keep his old head to comfort himself)

Not really a big stimmer. Except that he bites. He bites so so much in the least sexy way imaginable. In any given moment if you pull off his gloves, he's got puncture wounds in various stages of rapid healing because the moment he needs to self regulate, he is chomping down.

I also feel the need to mention that I think it would be funny if, while they were close, Alastor consistently used Vox's arm as his own personal chew toy. Something about the silicone faux skin he uses just feels great to bite into, what can he say? This has unfortunately also resulted in Vox having a Pavlovian response of just holding his arm up anytime someone close to him gets clearly agitated.

Sensory issues, a plethora of sensory issues! Absolutely despises the feeling of wet fur, whether it's getting wet while it's still on him or he's cleaning it out of the drain. He has genuinely considered tearing all his fur out from the root to avoid it. Also, I despise his fuckass bob, but I like to tell myself the reason he cuts it Like That in the back is to avoid hair brushing against the back of his neck. That would make him Violent.

Noise is a tricky one. For the most part, he loves a loud, music filled and bustling club and doesn't mind it at all. But I think if he is already feeling overstimulated, someone talking a little too loud is enough to set him off.

Very touch averse, with specific exceptions. If he's the one initiating the contact, and especially if he's already tipsy? All good, that's fine. But if someone else is approaching HIM, especially when he isn't expecting it? Like 80% of the time he will not tolerate at all, and even when he will it is for a very limited amount of time.

And of course, should anyone ever approach and ask him if he's autistic? Well, he doesn't really know at all what you're talking about! His behaviors? Goodness, what's so strange about his behaviors, YOU'RE probably the weird one actually.

Perhaps I will add on to this if more thoughts come to me. Till then thanks for reading lol

[teojira]

I hope it's not too much to ask... do you have any head cannons about Bigby dating neurodivergent reader?

[Bigby Wolf with Neurodivergent!reader]

Summary: Bigby trying his damndest to be a good s/o

Warnings: Bigby trying his best, you're a mundy in this!

A/N: Cracks my fingers, it's been fucking ages since someone has asked me about Bigby. I hope these are okay! I miss this man so much. Incurable brainrot he gave me for the last 10 years.

I am not confident in these but I tried, thank you for requesting!

Bigby is rough around the edges, he's not gonna be the best person to comfort you or say the rights things. He's gonna fuck up, and he's gonna feel like shit about it.

You're gonna have to be understanding that this'll probably his first genuine relationship with a mundy, and while the fables use glimmer to pretend to be humans, they're not.

He doesn't get it, neurodivergentcy is not a common topic in fables lives, he will learn for you.

Bighy tries his best though, the second you tell him you're beginning to feel overstimulated, he'll make room and take you away from it.

He's overprotective, almost to an annoying degree but he can't help it. He's not gonna ease off, and he thinks he can handle everything on his shoulders that gets thrown at him.

You gotta tell him that yes, while you may be different and have some issues that fables don't frequently deal with, you're not a child.

Depending on what you struggle with more, he tries to fill in the gaps.

Struggle with time management? He'll be the one to try and remember for you, or telling you to keep track of the alarms on your phone when he isn't around.

Issues with anxiety? He'll force you to lay down with him, sitting in his shitty chair with you on his lap. He'll give you the run down of his day, letting you ask any and as many questions as you want until whatever that's scaring you is gone.

"I'm just, so scared to go in-"

"Do you want me to go?"

"I couldn't ask you to do that."

"So what I hear is that I'm going with you."

There are no real off days for the man, but he does his best to follow you around like a guard dog when he's technically off duty.

He realizes it could be seen as codependent but you're his partner, the primal urge to protect you is strong and it will damn near overweight whatever else has has going on.

Mood swings that deal with anger? He knows all about that, he'll let you scream and cry as much as you want, hell he'd let you hit him if you wanted, he lets you work through your issues on him and just holds you after.

Struggle with the hustle and bustle of the city? He keeps you far away from just about everyone, he's not well liked and he's sure if they spot you, they'll give you a hard time. So he'll probably be the one visiting you on your side of town more often than not.

Takes into consideration that the cigarettes he smokes can be a sensory overload, so he tries to limit it to when he's away from you.

At first he tried to push back on it, saying that it's just smoke but when you put your foot down and say it makes you sick, he starts to wean off of them.

Always tells you you're not a bother, that he would never mind comforting you nor does he hate that he's your safe person.

It makes him feel like he's actually important, that he has a job that actually means something.

He deals with bullshit day in and day out, but at least he has you and you have him.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for debating hiring outside help for my husband and I's house because we can't keep up alone?

For context: My (26 Fae ftm) husband (28M) live very happy and healthily together. While I'm unable to medically transition due to a bunch of reasons we'll get to, he has been nothing but a solid rock in my life and the one person that has always been on my side. Through dragging me out of an abusive household to helping me with my chronic illness, he's been an absolute angel despite dressing like the devil himself (he's goth). So I don't want any hate on him.

He is ADHD and I'm Autistic. Yes, hello, we are that couple~♡ This does cause us some issues tho as he is unmedicated and I'm just struggling in general with sensory issues for certain chores. So far we keep each other some what afloat, having him do chores that my sensory issues can't handle and my doing ones he can't focus through.

However, as previously mentioned I'm chronically ill. I won't get into many details but it's basically I'm internally bleeding at random intervals. And before people think I'm talking about just my period, no it's so bad that I have once had to go to the ER for a blood transfusion due to this internal bleeding and had times when I was bleeding for over 4 months straight.

My husband and I because of this condition are pretty much struggling financially. I can work but it makes me extremely fatigued since I'm essentially working with constant Anemia. It gets bad enough some days that he can't wake me up without over an hour of effort, even after I've slept 10hrs. The fatigue is REALLY bad. He works just as much as I do, sometimes more because his work is so shortstaffed and he likes to pick up extra shifts to try and save up for the surgery that would hopefully fix everything.

This has culminated though in us both being extremely exhausted near 24/7 for the last year-ish but we have finally hit a break. I recently got a huge pay increase (nearly $200 a week increase) so we are hopeful for the first time in months. We're starting to pay down my extreme medical debt and being able to just go get dinner when he doesn't want to cook.

Here's where I may be kind of TA... Despite this hope, my condition recently did get worse. I've now gone another 3 months still bleeding and having to suffer my Anemia symptoms and medication. This has caused me to fall massively behind on what should be my chores, and while my husband doesn't begrudge me it, it has caused our home to start becoming very, very unhygienic. As someone who grew up with a clean freak mother, it kinda upsets me. He's focusing more and more on me and less on the house so even his chores are falling behind too.

None of that is his fault. He loves me so much he wants to help Me first but it has gotten to where we are both going "we really need to clean the house..." but neither of us have enough battery to do so. Me becuz of my condition and he becuz he's stuck caring for me.

We have enough that we might be able to afford to hire a cleaning service to help us out, but it would cost us some of the freedom and paying down medical bills. I think it'd only be a temporary thing, once I recover from my current episode, we can probably get better... but I don't know how long it will be.

On top of this I'm worried paying for this service will further put off my surgery as we struggle to save up for it again... We've already had to tap into that savings cuz my current episode lost me 2 days at work.

Is it unfair for me to ask to use our new extra money for essentially my not wanting to have to bother doing basic chores? I know I'm tired but I've lived with it so long I could and should probably just push through.

What are these acronyms?

[hermitw]

What I rly want to know is why Gojo doesn't cover his eyes sometimes. [manga spoilers ahead ig, self harm mention]

After he awakened with RCT in the hidden inventory arc, he went out to reclaim Riko's body without them. Maybe they broke during his fight with Toji, idk.

But after he leaves the prison realm, Gojo never covers his eyes again.

My main thought was that it's out of hypervigilance. He won't let his guard down, even if it hurts. Maybe he needs specific glasses /fabric (I think Gojo has sensory issues).

Maybe he felt fine without them when he learned RCT, and he seemed pretty high then anyway so I don't think that time rly needs to have a solid explanation.

But after leaving the prison realm, he rly looked different. Maybe it's in part from Gege's art style change, or the awakening of so many sorcerers during the culling game. People say he was always that muscular, just was covered by clothes but I disagree. His facial structure is wider, we saw his skeletal collarbones at least during the flashback in the yasohachi bridge arc (which happened after the exchange event, so not that long ago). I guess what I'm saying is that Gojo changed since getting sealed, and I'm not sure in what ways. I think that seeing Kenjaku in Geto's body altered his mind too.

Maybe he's doing it as a form of self harm. Like when Sukuna switched back with Yuuji in Shibuya, the first thing he did was scrape his fingertips on the street and tear them apart. Which he knew would be painful from the detention center, he hardly reacted to losing a hand but lost it when the other was burning away from the fingertips, which are rly sensitive. Whether to cover one pain with another or try to punish the shortcomings out of themselves, I'm not sure, but would guess that it's both.

That seems like the most likely answer. And now. I'm sad. Again

Anywayyyy Gojo Satoru do you no longer get headaches? Pls explain

EDIT TO ADD:

I think now that it was to practice running RCT stronger than usual. He'd need to do that for the fight with Sukuna.

Before I thought it would have been better for Gojo to not wear himself down leading up to it. Especially when as far as I remember, he's surrounded by capable sorcerers whenever we see him. It isn't like Gojo needs to protect anyone so intensely that he can't wear anything over his eyes.

Edit 2: updated since Gojo's schedule has come out

[rederiswrites]

I want to talk about my health journey over this last year, improving my function and getting better with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. But talking about chronic illness is so incredibly difficult. Look at the backlash people get for saying that exercise and sunshine and regular sleep really DO help depression. What I have to say is in many ways the same thing! It's an incredibly delicate issue, and very often, talking about solutions you can implement yourself sounds like blaming people for their own suffering. On the other hand, if all you hear is the conventional medical line that there's nothing but some medicine that sort of helps, that's where you're stuck. I was stuck.

I didn't want to hear that learning to fucking relax was going to be a huge component of my journey. That sounded like exactly the same shit the people who said "have you tried yoga" and the doctors who told me it was all in my head were saying! It's not, really. Not at all. It's missing far too many critical components. But uh....learning to relax is in fact incredibly important.

For example, yes, the pain is in my head. Pain is ALWAYS in our heads!! That is where the brain decides to interpret data received from the nerves as pain! It is ALWAYS heavily influenced by factors well beyond the objective experience. Science has thoroughly demonstrated that we can feel pain without an injury--indeed, that we can feel pain when the sensory input wasn't even on our body! And in the inverse, we can have injuries and not experience pain. Pain is not nearly as reliable a signal of injury as we believe it to be.

And yes! Yoga might help! It helps a lot of people! But if you go and do yoga with, say, a teacher who is not trauma-informed, or without at least some understanding of what your nervous system is up to, or the strains and trouble points in your body, you'll get little benefit and might experience harm.

The nervous system is our body's OS, in a very real sense, and for me as for many people, addressing that turns out to be really important to healing. But the nervous system isn't really designed to be user serviceable! So if it's being overreactive, constantly on high alert, keeping you in a stress response that physically blocks healing, feeling pain where there's really only a light and innocuous pressure, or maybe just a runaway inflammatory response that, like a highway traffic jam, is literally just creating itself-- well, fixing that is hardly a matter of just "oh silly goose you should stop that! It's all in my head!" But there are ways. Mindfulness techniques. Visualization. Meditation. I almost mistyped medication but it's actually true--a lot of the time fibro and ME/CFS patients get treated with antidepressants! It does help, for a while, but it doesn't change the underlying problem much.

For me, while I've tried and gotten benefit from some of those--actually, come to think, ALL of those things--pure information is my medicine of choice. Just exposing myself over and over to the message that you can get better, that people have, that there's nothing detectable mechanically wrong with me, to the science of physiology and the nervous system and pain. Books, TED talks, youtube videos, research papers, articles...

And most importantly, I had to commit. I had to reach a point where I said, I will do whatever it takes. No comfort, no habit, is more important than getting better, and I believe I can get better. No doctor ever told me that--I had to find survivors who had recovered online, largely by accident. Once I believed I could get better, working to achieve that goal became vastly easier. So I radically changed my diet. I restructured my days massively. I spent hundreds of hours consuming information that reinforced my hope and commitment and my understanding of the problems. I worked incredibly hard to get my sleep under control, and it's an ongoing process but there has been progress.

Today, I got out of bed before the second alarm that tells me to get off my phone and get up. Because getting up wasn't so crushingly hard. I didn't have a perfect night's sleep, but it was enough. Yesterday, and the day before, I worked steadily through the day, I accomplished my goals, and I didn't end the day crushingly drained OR bubbling with adrenaline from pushing myself beyond my normal limits. I don't need to recover, today. Because I didn't do more than I could sustainably do, and yet I made progress. I did laundry. Had great conversations. Planted three dozen tulips. Pulled weeds. Attended a webinar and learned how my state legislature works. Took care of the chickens. Ate a really healthy lunch that I enjoyed, and made the family a really healthy, delicious dinner. Caught up on the news with the family and then read a thought-provoking book. Made beads.

I still have a long way to climb on this spiral staircase. Probably the cold weather and midwinter will really challenge my ability to regulate myself and stay functional. I still have to incorporate regular exercise as a critical pillar of ongoing good health. I'm still struggling to find resources on meditation and mindfulness practice that I resonate with. (Three books in on that subject, one of which was interesting but annoying, two of which I actually quit in exasperation.) But I do really feel like I'm making progress that's not just luck or the usual fluctuation of symptoms. I am, in quiet ways, doing Pretty Okay. And that's a lot, when you've been bedbound.

[inkievoid]

Leon’s wife is the type of wife to pick at her husbands face and back all day. He’d be watching TV in the living room and suddenly she’s sitting on his lap plucking his eyebrows because she’s bored. All while he complains that it hurts. (That man was been beat to death yet can’t even sit still while getting his eyebrows plucked. 🙄)

Or she’d make him do some stupid silly skincare. He’d get a silly headband to push his hair back of course, he’d just be half asleep as she gently spread the clay mask across his face.

Violet and Lia would probably mess around with his face too. They’d drag him over to Violet’s room and make him go to their “Salon.” A place where they literally torture him with girly things.

They’d put his hair up in little pigtails, probably beat his face to the gods too. He’d come out of Violets room looking like a pretty princess. His left eye filled with dark colored eyeshadow from Violet and his right with pretty colors and pastels.

- Anon! 🎀

Suggestive Moment Below Cut

No literally she'd be an absolute menace with grooming him. He has no idea why she loves it so much.

"Ow!" He flinches as you rip another long hair from his brow.

"Oh it doesn't hurt that bad you big baby." His grip on your waist tightening as you lean back to assess your work so far, not wanting you to fall back and crack your head on the coffee table like last time.

"You're not the one having hair ripped o- ow! I thought I married a scientist not a beautician..." He huffs as you giggle at his pain, putting the tweezers back into the small brow kit on your lap.

"I'm a woman of many talents." You reach in pulling out the brow scissors, grabbing your wrist he stares at them.

"What are these for?"

"To shape, relax I'm not gonna cut your eyebrow off." He stares, raising his freshly plucked brow, you sigh. Leaning into his ear to whisper.

"If you let me use the scissors I'll let you do that thing you like." Your tone is teasing, his head turns to you.

"As long as I want?"

"Mmhm, and I won't even complain." He lets go of your wrist immediately, leaning back like he's in a professional chair ready for someone to do their worst to him. You smirk, going to shape his brows. His arms pull you closer as he watches you work through slightly cracked eyes.

"For the record, I like when you complain. Makes me know I'm doing it right." You flick him in the chin making him chuckle as you continue to work carefully.

You sit back, nodding to yourself.

"Oooh, we have twins!" You gasp staring at him.

"What! What!?" Your voice is barely above a whisper as you lean back in.

"You have grays in your beard..." You immediately reach for the tweezers, he pushes them onto the couch.

"No! It's bedtime!" Standing up, he lifts you into his arms, making his way towards the stairs.

As for the mask thing I personally think Leon has sensory issues when it comes to stuff on his face, when clay is chunky it makes him think of... the past.

But I could see him being okay with those sheet or charcoal masks that peel. But you'd always fight him on doing the peeling because let's be real it's gross but super satisfying. An it's always funny watching him cringe at how nasty his pores were.

Putting the little creams on him after is his favorite part! Because that means you use a jade roller over his face. He loves that thing. Wishes they came in the size of a paint roller for his back. Every time that little roller touches his face he melts. He'd almost be purring it feels so good to him.

Not only is he getting to do a routine with his adorable wife but that damn roller nearly makes him fall asleep standing up at their his and hers sinks. You'd kiss his chin once he's nice and clean, pull off the cute little tabby cat headband off his head.

"We're done?" He looks so sad. But you always end up having him cuddled up to your side by the end of the night, using a wooden rolling hand massager on his back. He'd be out like a light, snoring away in 20 minutes tops.

But the skincare routine definitely started after his girls loved playing salon with him (not mommy because daddy always listens to the kid gossip and gives the best feedback)

Violet's talking about her 2 friends arguing over who gets to play with her at recess or sit with her at lunch while putting his hair up in tons of tiny pigtails with different colored hair ties. All while Lia would be just clipping on any little beret or cute clip she could find from her collection to his bangs.

Leon would walk out of there and into the kitchen while you're doing the dishes. You look at him and grin.

"Rough day Leona?" You joke, making him groan as you laugh. "You look like that doll from the Rugrats if she got into a fist fight."

"The girls thought I looked beautiful!"

[sleepingdeath-light]

neighbour in need ; wally darling

requested by ; an ao3 user

word count ; 1074

content ; sensory overload, casual comfort, echolalia/vocal stims

fandom ; welcome home

pairing ; wally darling x gender neutral autistic reader

note ; struggled a lot with writing this one, particularly with portraying the issues with sensory overload as, whilst i do experience overstimulation myself, it’s not something i’ve ever written for until now. so that aspect might be a tad shaky — apologies if that’s the case.

warning(s) ; brief (italicised and crossed out) references to the horror-based origins of the canon — watching/being watched at all times and having an audience the characters can’t see

read also on ; ao3

You shouldn't have come here, you should have listened to your gut and stayed home where it was quiet and calm and safe. Where you didn't have to be subjected to music so loud it drowned out your thoughts and food so crackly and obscene that it made your hair stand on end as it was eaten by the other guests. Where the chairs were just soft enough and not scratchy to the point that you felt like tearing your skin off and where you could easily flee and hide in the comfort of your own room without the fear of judgement. Where you could control what was going on rather than just being a bystander.

Of course you weren't upset at Julie for including you, she was a dear friend after all and it was hardly her fault that things got a bit out of hand, but you wished that for once the neighbourhood gatherings could be held in a quieter manner. One without raucous laughter and booming records and squeaky recliners and conversations that had to turn into shouting matches in order for anybody to be heard over all of the other noise. It was a cacophony: painful, overwhelming, overstimulating and out of tune. Even the music on the vinyl kept skipping and scratching for all of the damage the track had sustained over the many years of use.

It was all just... too much.

Before long it had overwhelmed you so deeply that you couldn't even will yourself to move — you could barely think, even. Mind fogged and staticky and filled with noise, noise, noise so loud that your thoughts morphed from words to whispers to nothing in your own head. Too blank to think of any proper solution as you defaulted to curling in on yourself: clamping your hands over your ears so tightly that your wrists were starting to tremble, ducking your head between your knees and almost melting into Julie's hot pink loveseat — the other guests far too caught up in their games and conversations and arguments to even realise what was happening.

All except one.

————

Wally Darling had been keeping an eye on you since you stepped through Julie’s front door — meaning to compliment you on your funky new outfit before Barnaby dragged him into a discussion about apples and oranges that he just had to participate in. So the moment you started curling up like a disco-themed pillbug, he began to politely excuse himself from the argument with the excuse of needing to get some air.

Now, of course, that was a bit of a white lie (one which he didn’t feel good about using), but he let himself off about it as he made quick work of sneaking through the crowd and approaching your little corner of the party.

‘Hey neighbour, is everything okay?’ He asked, squatting down slightly so that he could get a look at your face through the small gap between your legs. When he didn’t get a response after just shy of a minute, Wally continued. ‘I was just about to go on a short walk outside where it’s nice and cold and quiet, do you want to join me?’

And then you gave him a nod — small and brief and barely noticeable, but that was all the encouragement he needed to gently grasp your hand and lead you outside. Well, lead you outside after giving you a couple of moments to get out of your awkward sitting position.

But a success is a success no matter how much time it takes to get there, Wally reasoned to himself, so he didn’t much mind the extra wait (and, by a wonderful happenstance, it took you to the end of his favourite ABBA song which he was quite appreciative of).

————

Every step you took away from Julie's home lessened the tension in your body more and more — muscles relaxing and breathing getting easier as you traversed the winding gravel pathway into the centre of your neighbourhood. Static flowed out of your mind like syrup from a tap (gradually but without issue) at the same time that that ungodly ringing left your aching ears. It was relieving, freeing even, and you could feel yourself starting to feel present and grounded again for the first time in hours.

It was just so peaceful, so far removed from where you were before, that you couldn't help but relax. Hell, between the rustling of leaves and the chirping of local birds you were able to find your voice again — repeating the calls of loons and sandpipers beneath your breath and humming in the back of your throat as you half-listened to what your short neighbour was saying (you thought you heard him talking about apples or something like that but you couldn't really be certain).

Though, thankfully, Wally seemed to understand that you weren't in much of a mood for talking — he always seemed to know these things somehow — and continued to just absentmindedly fill you in on his day whilst he walked with you, hand-in-hand, back to your home.

'... and then, neighbour, you won't believe what he said. He said that apples don't even taste that good — can you believe it?' you hummed and he nodded in an almost solemn way, blue hair bouncing dramatically up and down in the corner of your eye as he moved, before he continued. 'I couldn't either. Honestly I was at a loss for words, I guess that some people just can't appreciate good food...'

And he trailed off once again, going on a tangent about Barnaby and Howdy and the various food related shenanigans he'd involved himself in earlier that week which was, naturally, equal parts ridiculous and amusing as he recalled each incident to you. Some particularly vivid images even coaxing some brief bouts of laughter from you as you stumbled and skipped and walked further down that winding path home — one image of note including an upside down Wally, two armfuls' worth of apples, and a very unhappy Howdy who had caught him in the middle of this particular act of theft.

So you laughed and he chuckled (and you could have sworn you heard raucous, child-like shrieks of joy emanating from beyond the forest line) and you walked all the way back home — thankful, as always, that your dear neighbour was (always watching) always there to lend a hand.

He really was the absolute most!

[foreststarflaime]

Headcanons! Cloud and Sephiroth!

You got it! o7

Headcanon A:  realistic

Cloud: From the second I clapped eyes on this guy I immediately clocked him as ace if not aro as well. And nonbinary. Both him and Seph actually

Sephiroth: Dragons are his favorite animal. He sees a lot of himself in them—wonderful creatures who are severely misunderstood. Someone got him a little plush dragon once and he would start Nibelheim early if Hojo so much as breathed in its direction.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Cloud: Has fallen down the stairs multiple times. Has the worst possible luck with this, and it always ends up being in front of someone he knows and respects. They told him it was just because he was growing and that his legs would get used to themselves eventually, but he has seen little evidence of this and wonders where his extra inches of height are in compensation for this curse of his.

Sephiroth: Cannot pronounce a specific semi-common word so Shinra went to great lengths and hired a bunch of linguists and made them work with their media/PR team to try to manipulate that word into going out of fashion. Genesis laughed so hard when he learned about this that he pulled a muscle. Zack tried to make the word a trend and change the pronunciation to that and was nearly assassinated by the Turks for his efforts.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Cloud: After Nibelheim, he occasionally slips into a hint of a Gongagan accent at times, especially when he’s feeling strong emotions. When his confusion was really bad towards the start of this, his native Nibelheim accent sounded strange to him, but he couldn’t figure out why or articulate how exactly. That is until he Realized

Sephiroth: Can describe in far too vivid detail the feeling when you scream hard and long enough to completely lose your voice. He can usually tell how long it will be gone for when this happens to him. Yknow, from experience. Because of this he can also have sensory issues occasionally from talking because he gets too focused on the vibrations of his vocal cords. This is one of the (many) contributing factors to his quiet nature.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Cloud: Took Zack to eat dinner with his mother and really just hung out with him a lot in the time before Nibelheim turned disastrous

Sephiroth: He may not have gotten to go to Banora, but he has had at least one dumbapple forced down his throat by Genesis. He very much liked the taste, even though Genesis swore it was like dirt compared to a fresh one. He pretended to agree so that Genesis and Angeal would still take him to Banora.

[beacedocrime]

Art of the characters from @basilthesnakingthing 's Monstrous Children AU. Check it out!

Close ups and explanations of my thought process for some of my decisions under the cut

First of all, Victor Frankenstein. His physical descriptions are sparse, except for how ill he looks. I tried to give him a slightly sickly looking skin tone, but skin in general isn't my forte, so I'm not sure how much I succeeded. Other than that, I always imagined him with black hair and green eyes, and as having somewhat sharp features.

For the colours, idk, I just thought purple would look on him. I wanted the vest to have simple gold detailing on the lapels, but the watercolour wasn't really obvious, and I couldn't be bothered to search for my pencils. He's never described as wearing glasses as far as I'm aware, but I liked how he looked with them better.

After inking him, I could tell there was something I didn't like about his face, but I couldn't pinpoint why. Later, I realized his eyes weren't spaced correctly. I made a quick little sketch to correct this.

Basil said the gravedigger guy was gonna be inspired by some other classics character, but she hadn't given an example and I didn't have any ideas so I decided to make him as generic as possible. I thought he'd look funny among all these fancily dressed children.

When I drew these, I hadn't been told that in this au Jekyll and Hyde would be their first names, so I drew Victor calling out to 'Henry' with Jekyll in mind. However, since this isn't possible in this universe... thoughts on Henry Clerval 👀?

Jekyll! Drew him slightly sleep deprived and did not make good decisions about that vest. Fixed it later. Like Victor, not a lot of physical descriptions, so mostly going off of how I imagined him- brown hair and brown eyes, softer features.

Debated a bit on the colour scheme, before deciding mellow browns and yellows would be a good fit. Don't know why his sleeves are rolled up other than I thought it looked nice.

Not much else to say about his appearance, I was fairly satisfied with him (other than the vest). Though his jawline came out a bit uneven, and the shape of his pants look weird (I was not inking this on a table like a normal person and he slightly suffered for it)

Basil mentioned once that this version of him and Hyde also have the talking in the mirror thing, so I made a small doodle of that.

Hyde! With a quick bonus Dracula.

So, just to say this quickly, I did not think at all about Dracula's clothes, it was just a quick sketch cause I really wanted to draw this scene. Also his proportions are weird, and his skin not pale enough.

Hyde! Similarly to Victor, I did not like something about his face in the first inked version, so I fixed it in a quick sketch. This time it was his chin. His face felt too long, and I wanted it to be rounder.

Like the other two, Hyde doesn't have a confirmed hair and eye colour as far as I'm aware. His descriptions are along the lines of 'pale and short with bad vibes'. I imagined him with reddish brown hair, and the same colour for eyes.

I didn't mean his vest to be pretty much the same colour as his hair, but it happened, and I like it, so. I made his vest the same kind as Jekyll's, just on the other side. He doesn't have a necktie because things around my neck give me sensory issues, and I'm projecting. His button-up is pink because, like many other design choices, I thought it would look cool.

The sharp teeth were one design choice that the creator of the AU wanted him to have.

Other stuff- they all have coats/jackets (not sure which one is the correct term) that I haven't drawn here. I tried to give the colours a slightly washed-out look to fit in with how the creator described the setting to look, though I'm not sure how successful I was. I wanted Creature to be bigger, but by the time I'd realised that it was smaller than I wanted, I couldn't really go back.

[crypt1dcorv1dae]

Literally all the kids in demon slayer are neurodivergent, some of them are definitely autistic and have sensory issues connected to their weirdly enhanced senses, most notably zenitsu and inosuke, zenitsu usually getting pissed off when people are too loud and inosuke showing multiple times he's uncomfortable in crowds, among many other things I could point out ...

And tanjiro is the absolute king of masking (which is not a good thing) but clearly still has some Tendencies he just usually doesn't let himself experience the "negative" parts of it. He's like no I will not be doing that thank you :) (he will break someday I assure you.)

And I know nezuko's behavior is explained as being part of being turned into a demon, that for some reason she has a more childlike mental state than she did before, but that can also be and often is just a form of trauma response in anyone... Like demon or no, I think maybe seeing what she saw and going through all that could absolutely have just caused some age regression in general from PTSD, which as far as I remember is also a form of neurodivergency? I'm not sure if she was neurodivergent before that trauma tho, but tbh I think she shared a lot of similarities with tanjiro in that maybe she was just a real queen at masking her issues because she Had A Job To Do being basically the mini-mom to all her siblings especially since their dad died, just like tanjiro had to become the "man of the house" at only like 11 and was responsible for keeping his family like... Alive as a mini-dad. These poor fucking kids

Kanao and genya are too like ik kanao's behavior is explained in canon as being from her extremely abusive childhood but like, having trauma does not exclude you from also being autistic/ otherwise neurodivergent too, similarly to how I see nezuko too like ... She has PTSD which is it's own thing but I don't think she couldn't also be other things too

Genya I have less "evidence" for he just has the vibes idk. He has autism in his eyes

[paperbackpanic]

WHAT CREEPS ARE AUTISTIC? + SUPPORT LEVELS

A/n: this are the pastas I personally think are autistic and why because I am autistic and I'll pass down the autism.

ATTENTION: Most of these don't have relation to my other headcanons, is just for good fun. The only one that really applies to my other headcanons is Jane. Cody and Toby can be implied but not really mentioned

Jane: I'm projecting

Cody (xvirus): because I said so

Hoodie/Brian: Because he's literally me

Toby: Because he already has ADHD and tourettes so he might as well get the whole pack

Bloody Painter: I'm projecting²

Sally: Because autism is coquette and she's too

Eyeless Jack: Because why not?

These are the autism support levels

This is not set in stone, levels can fluctuate during the week/month based on how stressed the autistic person is or how well therapy/treatment is going. A person can also be between 2 levels, I myself am between level 1 and 2, because of my high masking. I have great social difficultys but can do day to day activities (mostly) fine, although on paper I'm level 1. Support levels can also be defined by concomitant disabilities, specially if they're intellectual (down syndrome, learning delay, etc)

Ok so now to the actual reasons

Jane: She's literally the embodiment of autism in afab people lmao. Her straightforward way of speaking, black and white thinking and strong sense of justice and difficulty forming connections are all very autistic traits. She's level 1 of support, 2 on bad days

Cody: High interest in microbiology = hyper focus + special interest. Bedsides I don't see him as "social" he prefers to be alone which could be either esquizoid personality disorder, autism or both. I'll go with both. He doesn't understand humans neither really like to be with them. They're level 2 (almost 3) support

Toby: Many psychological Disorders are accompanied with others, much like a pay one get three deal, tourettes, ADHD and autism are pretty common together. It is not always that "social difficultys" are tied to shyness or isolation, it can also be pushyness and a hyper personality much like Toby's personality. He's level 1

Hoodie/Brian: In my head he's schizophrenic AND autistic. Which really makes his paranoia worse, autism already make you hear things people filter out (like electricity) this together with auditory hallucinations makes him have really bad meltdowns. He's level 3 of support but with all the bullshit he's been through he's forcing himself to be level 1, he don't manage it very well so he acts like a level 2

Bloody Painter: isn't really specified why he's bullied in the og as far as I remember and many autistic folks are bullied for no reason. His passion for painting and drawing can be seen as an hyper focus /special interest. Also his hate from loud places and crowds can be because of sensory overload. Helen also has a personality similar to mine when I was younger so why not haha. He's level 2 of support

Sally: Is pretty rare that girls are diagnosed with autism below the age of 16. So I'll give a little representation here. Her love for pink and typically girly things to the point of looking like a stereotype can be read as her special interest. Autistic girls are often more naive than the average girl of the same age, which more often than not leads to abuse/bullying, so one more point there. Not much else besides the "I want her to be autistic because I wish I was diagnosed much younger". She's level 1 support.

Eyeless jack: He's the embodiment of sensory issues, bedsides I see him as pretty socially inept, not that he doesn't like to socialize, He just don't really know how (like me). Also I see his medical skills as being a side product of his Human body special interest. He's level 2 support

[nightcolorz]

What do you think Armand’s favorite video game is? Or perhaps favorite genre. ((If he had a movie phase, I feel like a video game phase isn’t too far fetched.))

lmao omg I love this question 😭🙏I agree 100% Armand absolutely had a video game phase, that is so him

I think Armand would rlly mf like mobile games �� like those really mundane repetitive sensory games, where u stack layers of cake or tap balls through hoops. He’d do that shit for like multiple days straight without getting bored 😭. I feel like the thing Armand would be most enamored by with video games would be the coding and technology aspect rather then like, story or entertainment value, so I feel like he’d be into games that most ppl would find pretty boring. I think he’d play online chess and care wayyyy too much. He’d be more fascinated by the Ai chess player function than the actual game tho (yknow where u can play a single player round against the app), bcus the whole concept of playing chess against a computer would be mind blowing to him. I think Armand would also like basic puzzle mobile games, like candy crush and tetris (once again, would be hyper fixated on that for multiple days straight). The issue Armand would run into with mobile games would be always, without fail falling for the clickbait adds and then immediately downloading whatever he clicks on 😭. His iPad data is absolutely devastated by how many shitty mobile games it’s trying to support 😭

my potentially controversial opinion is that I don’t think Armand would be interested in violent/fighting games. He explains in queen of the damned that he doesn’t understand what is cathartic about violence, and he finds the concept of seeking out violence disturbing and confusing. I feel like Armand would have a similar reaction towards shooter/war games as a conservative mother with a gaming son would 💀. “Why would u enjoy that 😦?? War is not fun 😦”. Lmaoooo. He would definitely try those games out to try and understand the appeal (endlessly curious and desperate to understand other ppls perspectives as he is) But I think Armand would be immune to any catharsis that comes with game killing, bcus of how often he experiences real killing💀 The only appeal he would find in violence based games would be the competitive aspect and the visuals + technological components. he is so easily stimulated that I feel like if Armand were to play like, Red dead redemption for example, he’d end up spending hours and hours riding the horse around and looking at the visuals instead of participating in any of the game play 💀 yknow? If he were to try Fortnite or Dead by Daylight or smth like that he’d be so focused on the running around and jumping functions that he’d die immediately 💀

I think Armand would be captivated by story games and visual novels, part of me thinks that he is so easily entertained that he would be too busy staring at a single environment or clicking around buttons to engage in the actual story 💀. Armand would 100% be obsessed with video games, but I think he would not play or engage with them in anyway conventionally, just bcus of how he experiences his fixations and what things he takes interest in. Armand is so invested in sensory experiences that I think if he were to play a large scale game he’d spend tons of time fixating on tiny little aspects of the features instead of working to finish it😭. Armand plays like, life is strange for a year and never gets past the first scene bcus he enjoys listening to the sound design so much 💀

Thank u SO MUCH for the ask I love this question I was smiling and giggling writing this 😭 I hope my response was enjoyable, I honestly don’t know much about video games so I have a sort of limited perspective, but I hope my Armand knowledge makes up for it 🙏lol

[wazzappp]

So. What if Jaime had chemoreceptors on spots his armor? I have four potential explanations/reasons.

One: the less creepy version: certain types of bugs taste with their feet, etc. Not beetles, but they do. They can land on things and identify whether or not they’re food that way. So, fingertips and or balls of his feet have the ability to taste.

Two: the raptorial version. The forearm blades/upper forelegs are raptorial. If he’s fighting/hunting, he might wanna be able to sense if this is food or not, once he sticks his blades in. So taste receptors on the blades. Possibly little pores like ampullae of lorenzini (detects electrical impulses, so might help with finding muscles to cut to incapacitate prey), or thermal pits like vipers (to help locate large veins to slice.)

Three: antenna version.

The upper forelimbs kinda look like antenna, could give them sensory function (in suit). Maybe sensitive to pressure on the tips, with chemoreceptors clustered on the tip (active investigation, like he’s poking at a thing) and trailing in a rough line down the limb towards his main body (passive investigation, like the wind blows a smell to him)

Four: scout version. The scarab is an infiltrator, part of infiltrating is collecting data, so the armor must have a whole fuck-ton of sensors on it, so the scarab can get lots of data to send to Reach. Khaj isn’t interested in the reach, but that doesn’t change what it was designed for. So lots of sensors everywhere, with taste/smell receptors clustered on the ends of limbs (feet, hands, blades)

Thank you, have a nice day!

Hey. Hi. Not to be dramatic but I’m going to marry you now. This is not a request. Put the ring on

Hoooooooooly fuck I love the Ampullae of Lorenzini idea so much. I know there aren’t really insects that have them (as far as I know) but I don’t fucking care they’re SO COOL. The gel inside ampullengang might need to change because it’s meant to detect electromagnetic fields underwater but that’s like. The only real issue here.

Fuckkkk you could have so much fun with behavioral shit too. Movement might cause his mantis blades to try and lash out to attack whatever’s triggering them. In battle this could help with quick instinctive attacks that might not be possible if he was doing it consciously. BAD news is that means he has to get a grip on them real fucking quick so he doesent hurt anyone on accident. OHHHH MY GOD WHICH WOULD MAKE DUCK-TAPING THEM DOWN IN MY LAST LIL AU BLURB EVEN MORE FUN LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO.

Oh god accidentally hurting a family member. His worst fucking nightmare. Delicious. I am drinking that shit like lemonade.

Yes I added his little clawsies in the diagram you can fit SO many knives on this boy.

THERMAL!! PITS!! Holy fuck I did not know there were beetles that have these but there ARE. They’re called fire chaser beetles and they can sense fires from MILES away and holy fuck I love them. Their sensilla (sorry for spelling it wrong in the drawing lmao) are stored in the thorax and are infrared receptors. These contain liquid which expand in response to the infrared radiation, and touch a nerve, which tells the beetle where heat is coming from.

For Jaime this would be weird as FUCK. It’s more just a sense of 'HEAT WHEREMST’ than infrared vision. It is nice for telling his mom when she forgot to turn off the oven though.