#i have doubts. it's a shame cuz i love this series so much and as said

[lesbian-salamander]

splatoon (especially 3) is just "simultaneously the best and worst thing ever" in every aspect isnt it.

the character design is so amazingly creative but god forbid a woman is fat or non-humanoid

the world-building and lore is so well crafted filled with care but the story is always mediocre with a singular paid exception

the gameplay loop between all modes is so smooth and the way each weapon plays even if weak is still fun but if you have motion sickness have fun playing with a insane disadvantage, or if you have carpal tunnel you just dont get to play 2 weapons, or if you get easily overwhelmed with the music you dont even get to turn it off

and if youre into competitive, patches are usually making the game better but do nothing about what the real problems are at best or slowly build up to create new problems

[ms-cartoon]

New HB Episode! (Jesus...)

Alright... So I seen the new episode - can't say this show gradually gets any better. I can fairly say there was only one decent thing about this episode, and that was the backstory with Moxxie and why he has daddy issues. Seriously though, why does almost EVERYBODY in this goddamn show have daddy issues??? And why are all these dads a**holes?? And yes, I'm going to include Millie's father. Of course, he's no abusive dad, but he (nor his wife) wasn't kind to Moxxie at all, and all because he was considered a weakling who uses guns as a choice for weapons. Which sounds like a pretty stupid reason. There are people who are scared to even pick up a gun, let alone pull a trigger.

I couldn't tell if I was skimming through this episode, or if the episode was just skimming itself and I just couldn't keep up. I think it's mostly the latter, cuz MY GOD, this was so rushed! I had to watch this twice to process whatever was going on. Everything just feels so crammed into this episode There's also Moxxie's ex-boyfriend, but I'll get to that in a minute.

⦁ So the first start of the episode, we start with Moxxie and Loona in the room. I just love how Loona is just there, lol!! She's just sitting at the table on her phone and has no speaking lines whatsoever. She might as well have not even appeared in this episode, for real. What's bad about this is that she was only there for another "Moxxie is fat!" joke. I really don't get what's so funny about this gag. Why is it even a gag? Moxxie is not fat! He don't even look it. I highly doubt he's even heavy. Loona and Blitzo are just being d*cks to him. It doesn't even help that he mentions he lost a few pounds just so they stop making fun of him. Now it's just sad!!! They body-shamed Moxxie so much, he felt he had to lose a few pounds so they would leave him alone about it. They did not make this funny, they just made it worse. PLZ STOP with the unfunny fat jokes!!

⦁ This seems to be the most try-hard horniest episode compared to the ones that have Stolas in it. Seriously, what in the gracious hell is with these dildos popping up from chairs and walls!!!??? 

Then there's Blitzo who has photos of porn in the drawers in his office (why would he even put those where people can open it up and take stuff out anyway??)!!! And then you got this perverted fish (who's the most annoying out of everybody in this episode) tryna bang everybody in IMP! He's literally just another Stolas, Blitzo, and Angel Dust character put in one: an LGBT horny mess who just wants to get his mack on anyone around him or just certain people, sexually harassing them in the process. Plus, anything that comes out of his mouth is a literal sex joke and it's just uncomforting.

⦁ So Moxxie's family is in the mafia and they're rich...... But why??? I thought Imps were of lower class and practically poor compared to the other species of demons.

  ⦁ You mean to tell me Millie and Moxxie dated the same guy at one point in their lifetime before getting together? Okay, but it seems to be too much of a coincidence. Idk, it just comes off as odd.

⦁ So Moxxie and Chaz had a thing going on before he met up with Millie. But when they were together, their relationship seemed to be more centered around lust than there was genuine love. Obviously considering when Chaz was quick to take the money and abandoned Moxxie when he needed help during the heist. Now this, amongst other parts of this series, just keeps up the stereotypical nonsense that all gay dudes are horny for each other and want nothing but to get it on. I don't understand what Moxxie even sees in his perverted a**. What makes no sense about this is that Moxxie isn't the type of guy that just get's horny like that. He's not perverted and doesn't get turned on over the slightest of things, yet he's shown stroking a gun while cleaning it while at the same time feeling pleasure. Chaz is more vulgar than Blitzo, and Moxxie barely tolerates him! So, wtf??

⦁ So in hell, you can pretty much get away with anything illegal with no consequences. Whether it'd be robbing a bank, murdering someone, sexual harassment, etc. So why in THE HELL is there a prison???!!

⦁ Blitzo and Moxxie's meeting makes no sense to me. So #1, I was under the assumption Moxxie met Blitzo after he met and married Millie, but now they're telling us they met in jail right after Chaz abandoned Moxxie. #2, Why is Blitzo quick to let Moxxie join IMP after only saying a few words to him? He didn't even ask him for his name or let him speak or anything - he was just like, "Hey let's bust outta here and you can join my company!" #3 Why is Moxxie even smiling? What has Blitzo said to make him feel better so quickly after basically being dumped?? Does he feel like he's being accepted or something? Like bro, you just met this dude and you didn't even say a word to him.

⦁ Millie's more pissed at Chaz for abandoning Moxxie at one point. Why is Millie getting so angry and quick to kill Chaz over something that happened she wasn't even present for!? She never even met Moxxie around that time. Plus, it's not like that situation is bothering Moxxie now. There was no need for her to get so triggered here. Not saying she's not right to get upset about it, but the sudden rage was a little extra.

  ⦁ If Blitzo and Moxxie were considered friends when they met, then why is Blitzo such an ass to him all the time?? Are we supposed to give Blitzo props for acknowledging or being nice to Moxxie?

⦁ Crimson seems to make a better villain than any other antagonist introduced in this series. Mainly because he has motivation. From what I can gather from this, from Crim's perspective, Moxxie was turning soft because of his wife. It seems that he was extremely pissed off that the mother disagreed with how he raised Moxxie, going as far as to kill her. Granted it was too far and for a petty reason, but it's better than just doing things and having no motivation for them, unlike Stella.

⦁ A priest.... in hell...?

⦁ They only have Moxxie stand up for himself ONCE in this episode, and it's not even enough. His whole life from when he was a kid, he was pushed around by his father and put up with his abuse. The second he meets him after a long time, he's still afraid of him. The only time he puts his foot down is when he says he's not gonna go along with whatever his father plans for him and refuses his commands.... and that was it. It seemed like he was threatening his dad initially, saying how good he was at his job, and not even a second later he gets tased and knocked out, becoming a damsel in distress. That was the most brave we get out of him. If anything, his freakin WIFE was doing the most out of him once more, becoming the man of the relationship as always!! Wouldn't it have been better if Moxxie tried to get out of the knot and fought his dad or Chaz? Maybe he could have helped out Millie and they could make it to where Millie was having difficulties fighting all those gang members.

⦁ Speaking of that; Millie is only useful in battle only when the plot deems it necessary. It kinda seems like she's falling in and out of being a talented fighter. She gets taken down at one point and then the next she'll beat everybody's ass with no sweat! Sure - defeat an entire mob whether it be a mafia or a bunch of agents and take down a whole damn sea monster, but get knocked out by a freakin glass bottle and your leg ruptured by a bear trap...Yeah, I can totally buy that. I feel like they were being a little extra with Millie taking down all those gang members anyway. As I said, she could've had some difficulty fighting all those dudes and Moxxie could've helped her.

⦁ I swear- the women in this show get no respect not just in the show itself, but from the writers. Millie is once again only existing to be just a woman who's married to Moxxie and only gets angry and violent just for Moxxie. There's at least one episode that should've been about her, but it was mostly about her husband and she was just there as his moral support. Literally, the only thing we get outta her in this episode is her extremely hot temper, and all because of Chaz, who she dated at one point. Why is she so upset with Chaz? Why did she hate him so much before she knew about his relationship with Moxxie? What did he do to make her dump him? Or did he dump her? How did she even end up with a guy like him?? We don't know!! We only get to know about Moxxie's past relationship with him and how it faltered, and that is such a letdown! This could've been our chance to explore Millie as a character, even if it's a little flashback of her love life.

  ⦁ I'm not gonna disclude Moxxie's mother in this. Honestly, I don't think it was necessary for her to get killed off just so we could feel more sympathy for Moxxie. We can already see how his father treats him. Can't forget Loona or Blitzo. Not even Millie's parents liked him.

⦁ I'm I the only one who feels like Millie and Moxxie as a couple is boring? Yeah they love each other and would probably die for each other and that's nice n all, but wouldn't it be interesting to have Millie and Moxxie have a slight argument at least once? We all know these two love each other to death. They're sweeter and more loving towards each other than anybody else around them, and that's why it would be interesting to see a quarrel. Sometimes, you can't be a married couple without having an argument or two at one point. Millie clearly felt upset that she was kept in the dark about Moxxie's family. She kept on questioning Moxxie; "Why haven't I met dad before? Are you okay? You know you can tell me anything, right?" And Moxxie would just continuously dodge the questions and not tell her anything. This actually could've been another opportunity for Millie's character. Not that she has to lash out at him, but maybe she could've told him how she felt about him not saying anything about Crimson, his ex, his mother, or how he feeling in general while also having an upset attitude y'know. Maybe Moxxie could've argued back and said he just didn't wanna worry her or something.

  ⦁ I don't think Moxxie and Chaz necessarily have to marry just so Chaz could be a part of the family. If this is just about financial issues then why can't Crim and Chaz come to an agreement or something? How did Crim not know that Chaz was actually not rich?

⦁ I just know people are triggered over the fact that Blitzo slept Chaz and are like "BLITZO NO!! YOU BELONG TO STOLAS!!" or some whiny sh*t like that, even though Stolas and Blitzo aren't even an official couple. When did Blitzo suddenly become an imp version of Stolas? Why was he so quick to get horny and sleep with Chaz and he JUST MET HIM! This might as well be the same situation he had with Stolas, except he's Stolas and Chaz is Blitzo. Not to mention Blitzo ended up sneaking around and snooping through his stuff.

⦁ Why is Blitzo the one to get suspicious of Chaz anyway? He is mostly just there for comic relief and mostly seems more goofy and lovable compared to his behavior in the latest episode. It's kinda a good thing I guess, but I'm not gonna hope for the better of him. I wouldn't say he changed completely since there was a moment he lashed out at Moxxie for a split second. I don't even think he has any motive for trying to get him caught in a lie cuz he doesn't even know him, other than the fact that he wants to be the only one who ruptures Moxxie and Millie's relationship (I'm sorry... are we supposed to be rooting for him still?) If anything, I think it makes more sense if Millie was the one to figure out was Chaz was up to considering her history with him (if there was any. We don't know.... it was never shown!)

⦁ I can't believe Crimson easily let Millie walk away with Moxxie scott free without putting up a fight! Bro killed dozens of people!! He wasn't even afraid to kill his own wife. He even threatened to harm Moxxie and Millie! Why is he backing down so easily!?

Uh, yeah... this certainly wasn't the greatest episode. I think the only thing good about it was Moxxie's childhood. That was certainly interesting (and dark). Apart from that, I was expecting something outta nothing. We could've seen some potential from Millie, but we didn't. This show just can't exist without sex jokes. It's alright if they wanna be funny like that, but at this point, it's just uncomforting. Wondering how they're gonna screw up the next episode.

[milkymoon2483]

Eyes On Me

Push & Pull - Episode 5 Frank Castle X Plus Size Jewish OFC

Previous episode | Series Masterlist

OH MY GOD. This took forever and drained my soul and was promptly nicknamed “the cursed porn”, and now it’s done. You have been warned. 

Summary: You’re invited to dinner at Dobora’s to give you a proper send off to your last semester in college. Frank will not look at you, he has gone cold and distant in fear that someone might figure out what’s going on between the two of you, causing you to have doubts of your own.

Rating: Very much E.18+. MINORS DNI.

Warnings: Alternating POV, age gap (legal), SMUT WITH ALL CAPS THIS IS THE CORNIEST CORN I HAVE EVER WRITTEN MAAM, P in V, Finger in ass, blowjob, and a whole bunch of angst and abandonment issues.

WC: ~4800 cuz of all the smutses

Thank you my lovelies.

@romanarose @hbc8 @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @boysddontcry @imaswellkid @theonewheresheindulges @midnightswithdearkatytspb

Eyes on me

There was a quick change in your expression as you were walking towards Frank's truck. He anticipated it, but it did not prevent the sting of it. 

You stepped out of your front door with a sweet excited smile, and he watched as the corners of your berry coloured mouth dropped and eyes widened with surprise the moment you realized your cousins were sitting in the car with him. He had sent you a text to warn you but you seemed to have missed it. Now he had to witness your disappointment first hand.

Deborah invited you both to dinner with her and the boys before you were due to return to school, a proper send off and a reason to get together under happier circumstances. She asked Frank if he could give Jacob and his younger brother Adam a ride back to her place, and he happily agreed before realizing that your private drive would not be so private anymore. 

Frank was a simple man, and the moment he allowed himself to look at you the way he wanted to, he was unable to stop. The cleavage of your dress underneath your coat, and the deep berry of your lips drew his attention instantly. 

His breath hitched for a second when you climbed into his truck, trying your best to act 'normal' as you sat next to Adam in the back. Frank wished you could sit next to him. Your scent was fresh and sweet, hair still damp from the shower, bringing back memories that caused his cock to twitch with interest.

The drive was mostly silent, He made a point to keep his eyes strictly on the road, only glancing in the back mirror once…or twice. 

You pulled your phone out of your purse and that’s when you saw it.

You understood why he would not look at you, why he barely returned your quick "hey" as you entered the car and hasn't said a word to you since. You both knew you'd have to be careful around your family, and there was no need to talk about it as the silent agreement seemed obvious. You wondered if anyone would see something nonetheless. 

18:06 Frank

Deb asked me to pick up Jacob and Adam too.

Straight to the point. Not even a sad little emoji.

This thing between the two of you was still fragile and undefined, so just for that night you'd have to put it aside and let it be. You were surprised that the dull ache that was always present when you were around him was still there. There was still something intangible about him, not for you to discover. 

He sat across the table from you but his eyes avoided you, as if looking at you would turn him into stone.

Was he afraid that what you shared would be written all over his face as soon as he did?

You were afraid of it too, but found it harder to control yourself, sneaking cautious looks, only to find his eyes pointing elsewhere.

The air of uncertainty hovered heavily above you, raising question mark after question mark. Your thoughts raced, worrying that his doubts were far from doused. Whatever stopped him all those times must've still haunted him. Everything changed since then, but the basic facts remained the same. You still needed to hide this from everyone else.

You wished you could talk to him, although you weren’t sure what you’d say. He didn’t owe you anything, no explanations, no excuses. You couldn’t help but ask yourself which version of him will you encounter the next time you're alone.

Frank did his best to keep his face neutral and disinterested, but he was amazed again, at how sharp and motivated you are. You spoke with confidence, poise, like you had everything figured out. When he tried to remember himself at that age, he had no idea what he was doing, not even a clue. 

Most of dinner was spent in pleasant conversation. Deborah was somehow able to lighten everyone's mood, set aside the passing of your father to talk about future plans and hopes. 

You spoke about college and your plans for after. You were hoping that your GPA would allow you to continue to a masters in psychology, which would eventually allow you to practice. 

You've recited this 'speech' many times during the shiva, repeating it to every nosy relative and family friend, but this time Frank was listening. You secretly hoped he'd be impressed, that you sounded mature and goal driven and responsible.

She's so young He was reminded again.

*********

He was constantly acutely aware of you, willing his eyes to focus on anything else, training his features, controlling his movements. It felt like a never-ending game of poker he was bound to lose. 

You were making it impossible. Licking that spoon, tossing your hair to the side, exposing your neck, taunting him with each move you made. It would have been considered cruel if you were doing it on purpose. 

Closing the bathroom door behind yourself, you let out a breathy sigh of relief, finally not having to school your expression and be hyper aware of your every word. Is this what family dinners are going to look like from now on, always having to navigate the minefield that is Frank Castle? 

You missed his smile, his genuine softness that peeked through his exterior when he was playful and relaxed, the creases around his eyes and the warmth he radiated when he knew you were the only one able to see him.

"You got a little bit of 'shmutz' there" you remarked playfully as you were eating french toast in your dad's kitchen, still not fully clothed after fucking on the table.

You gingerly wiped the maple syrup with your finger and put it in your mouth. 

"That's some Jewish flirtin' " he said and chuckled warmly.

Was that just a small glimpse you got before he was inevitably going to take it all away?

You wondered if that memory will turn sour, like many others before it, like a word you keep repeating in your head until it loses its meaning.

You took a deep breath before heading back outside, back to his avoidant eyes and blank expression. 

You stepped out into the corridor, about to head back into the living room, when you almost collided with his broad frame. Startled, you gasped, laying a hand on his chest. He was warm and solid.

“Sorry” you muttered.

********

Frank's features softened, as his gaze lingered from your eyes to your lips.

“S’ok” he replied, with the faintest little smirk, before going into the bathroom and closing the door behind himself. 

Dinner was finally over, pleasantries all exchanged, and the evening was drawing to a much anticipated end.

Relief and doubt mixed in your belly as you climbed into Frank’s truck at the end of the night. He began the silent drive back and you opted to look out of the window, your vision blurred, mesmerized by the fleeting light of each lamp post you passed. You allowed the rhythm to hypnotize you, to deflect your consciousness away from his gravitational pull. 

“You ok?” the grave voice asked, drawing you right back.

“Mhm” you smiled back faintly, fighting the need to turn your head towards him.

The both of you remained quiet, and you wondered if fucking him will always be easier than talking to him. Somehow being naked in front of him seemed less vulnerable than asking him the questions you wanted to. You dreaded his reply, it was scarier than not knowing.

You wished your brain would stop, for one fucking moment. But the volume of your insistent internal dialogue only seemed to increase.

Will he touch me?

Will he invite me back to his place?

Will he say it was all a mistake and never speak to me about it again?

SHUT UP.

And then his heavy palm rested on your thigh. It’s warmth soothing and quieting the noise.

“Thanks for the ride, have a good night” you said sheepishly as you stood next to him in his driveway. 

The quick realization of just how much trouble you're in with this man came soon after.

Yes you’ve fucked, but you were still just as desperate for him.

Fuck, I wish he would sto..

“And where do you think you’re goin'?” He asked, tilting his head in curiosity

“I…um…Did you want me to come in?” Your voice was even quieter than before.

“Only if you wanna.." He sounded almost surprised that it wasn’t obvious.

“I do” you bit back a smile of relief.

You sat on the couch next to him, keeping your hands in your lap, your mouth open as if you wanted to speak, but no words were coming out, mouth dry and pulse thumping. 

"You nervous Han?"

The question took you by surprise, was it really that obvious? 

"Yeah" you nodded, heat rising to your cheeks.

"I'm makin' you nervous?" he tilted his head. Raising his brows in surprise.

"All the time" you chuckled, taken aback by your own honesty.

His hand came to rest on your cheek, thumb gently grazing your mouth. You averted your gaze to the floor, unable to meet his eyes.

“Don’t be nervous, s’ok baby” 

He leaned closer now, so close you could feel his breath on your face, and warmth spread like wildfire from your chest to your abdomen and settled between your thighs.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, almost whispering.

You nodded, fluttering your eyes shut.

He was almost as gentle as the first time you kissed, careful strokes, deepening slowly. You whimpered with relief, allowing his tongue access into your mouth.

Your arms wrapped around the nape of his neck as he grabbed your waist and pulled you closer, flush against his big solid frame.

It overwhelmed you, the immediate effect of his proximity, his kiss.

Your body responded instantaneously, effortlessly, arousal gathering between your thighs, heat crawling under your skin. 

This time you didn’t fight the urge to straddle his hips. You settled in his lap and you both let out a soft moan when you rubbed against his clothed cock, the seam of his jeans pressing exquisitely onto your core. You deepened the kiss, moaning into his mouth, as his palms caressed your legs, skimming past the edge of your dress and sliding towards your center.

His thumbs grazed the crease of your belly, gently stroking the sensitive flesh of your inner thighs through the sheer fabric of your tights. 

“waited all fucking night for this baby” he rasped, cascading open mouthed kisses down your neck.

The contrast between your adorable shyness and the ease with which you melted against him the moment he’d touch you never failed to make him hard.

I’ve waited for fuckign years.

You pulled your dress over your head, anxious to feel his skin on yours. He did not resist when you bunched his sweater in your hands and began pulling it off as well, taking the t-shirt off with it. 

Your fingers skimmed the broadness of his shoulders and chest as he pulled back to look at you. Sliding his palms from your neck down the soft slope of your shoulders, gently pulling down the straps of your bra. He unclasped it with one motion, letting your breast spill out before tossing it into the pile on the floor with the rest of your clothes.

Messy hair, hooded eyes and parted lips. Beautiful and soft and pliant in his arms, Frank's eyes raked you, a gaze so intense it felt as if he was making up for all the moments he couldn’t look at you. 

“You’re fuckin’ gorgeous” He rasped, running hungry palms from your neck down to your breasts, before latching on with his mouth. 

A desperate want began building in your core, a need to taste him, to please him. You took his left hand and drew it closer to your lips. He watched through hooded lids as you slid his index and middle fingers into your mouth, sucking and swirling your slippery tongue around them. You bobbed your head, locking eyes with him and pumping the fingers in and out. He understood your silent request but wanted to hear you say it.

“Tell me what you need baby” 

You squirmed, drawing his fingers deeper. He smirked and released them from your lips with a pop.

“I…I..want you in my mouth” you mumbled quickly, averting your eyes down.

“Use your words” He commanded, albeit gently.

He could see you hesitating, shyness coloring your cheeks red. 

You were precious, so fucking sweet, and it made him impossibly harder.

“Come on now baby, whatta you need?”

There was a pause of silence, and you couldn't decipher the look in his eyes before he spoke.

”Get on your knees honey”

“Hands”. He commanded

You gulped and settled on the floor in front of him, knees on the throw pillow, heart pounding faster as you noticed a shift in Frank. A dominance flashed across his features, asking you to submit.

He stood tall above you and began slowly unclasping the buckle of his belt, pulling it out of the loops in one smooth motion that made your mouth water and your pussy throb.

It was barely tight enough, but you nodded.

You lifted your hands towards him and he carefully held both in one palm, wrapping the belt around them with the other. He gave you a reassuring look, pulling through the loop and tightening the brown leather around your wrists.

“You tell me if it’s too tight”

“If you say stop, we stop right away. Ok baby?” 

Watching him take control put you at ease, you trusted him to take you apart and put you back together again, gently and meticulously.

“OK” you replied eagerly.

You have decided, long before he ever touched you, that you will let him do anything to you, that you’d surrender fully and completely. 

"You done this before, baby?" He asked, eyes glazed with hunger.

Frank moved slowly, hiding the urgency that pulsed under his skin with the thought of your sweet mouth wrapped around his cock. He wanted to see you squirm with anticipation, maybe he wanted to hear you beg for it.

He opened the zipper of his jeans, leisurely pulling them down his legs. You gulped at the sight of his muscular thighs flexing. The outline of his hard cock pressed tightly against the thin fabric his boxer briefs, making your core clench. 

His palm came up to gently stroke your hair, as if giving you permission, and you instinctively nuzzled your cheek onto the thick length of him, testing Frank’s patience. You pressed your lips against him, through the thin fabric, following the outline of his perfect curve, drunk on him before even having a taste. He was warm and solid, pulsating with heat and want, and it made your mouth water.

You have, but it seemed that none of the other times even mattered, or counted. You bit your bottom lip and shook your head in mock innocence. 

"Fuck" he muttred, voice breathy and low, and you knew that's what he wanted to hear. As he pulled down his boxers, allowing his heavy length to spring free.

Quiet moans and gasps escaped his lips, and you listened intently to every strangled breath.

Frank carefully cupped the back of your head, letting his fingers entangle in your hair before gently pulling it back, exposing your delicate neck. He met no resistance and relished in your compliance, so eager to please him. He held the base of his cock with his other hand, slowly sliding the fat tip into your mouth, as the salty taste of precum hit your tongue. You let him in until he hit the back of your throat before wrapping your lips around him and gently sucking the heavy shaft.

Frank shuddered above you, exhaling sharply. 

He began to move slowly, eyes rolling back in pleasure, pushing his length deeper with each thrust. You bobbed your head to meet his movements, letting him set the pace.

״Eyes on me” he ordered, and you obeyed, looking at him through your lashes. His nostrils flared and jaw clenched as he watched his cock slide between your plush lips. 

“Atta girl, just like that..” he praised you in a soft voice, making you clench over nothing.

You could feel your arousal drip and pool in your center, soaking the fabric of your panties and tights, making you squeeze your thighs together. It was almost embarrassing, the way your body was set ablaze by the words of adoration spilling from his lips.

“Sweet girl" He caressed your face, rubbing his thumb on your aching jaw in soothing motions, while slowly fucking his cock into your mouth.

It was tender, and filthy, and you welcomed the pain of it all. The throb in your core that was getting unbearable, the ache in your legs folded beneath you, the strain on your jaw, the gag reflex that made tears sting the corners of your eyes, every bit of you that hurt with the effort. 

"Such a good girl..fuck..m’gonna cum in your pretty mouth" His voice was strained as his tempo intensified, eyes never leaving you. 

Frank's gaze was trained on your mouth, how his cock glistened with your spit, the wet streaks on your cheeks. Your little moans and gagging noises that he thought would make him slow down or stop, they were spurring him on, turning him almost cruel. 

You hollowed out your cheeks, making him stifle a loud moan. "Just like that..fuck just like that baby..fuh..shit..." he sensed the pressure build rapidly, each thrust bringing him closer to his release. Your mouth was sweet and warm and soft and the mere thought of being the first one to fuck it sent him over the edge. 

You could feel him twitch before he growled, spilling onto your tongue. The salty bitterness made you gag around him as his thrusts slowed down. 

He pulled out slowly, still half hard, dripping a mixture of cum and spit onto your bare tits. 

“You ok baby?” he asked, furrowing his brows in genuine concern. He reached out his hand, helping you stand back up on shaky legs.

"Swallow honey" he ordered again, his voice hoarse and wrecked.

He hummed in approval when you obeyed, still on your knees for him. 

“Yeah” you returned a dazed smile, pulling him back into your game.

“You did so good” His voice was lower now.

He swiped his pointer finger through a drop of cum on your chest, and you opened eagerly, sucking it dry.

“Now,” he continued, kissing your cheek tenderly and trailing his lips down your jaw

“You wanna stop or go on? Hm?” his voice dropped lower still, as he continued peppering kisses on your neck.

Frank knew how he wanted to play with you, what he wanted to pull out of you.

“Go on…I wanna go on” You replied ,as if you had any choice, as if you could ignore the painful throbbing of your cunt, the mess in your panties.

“C’mere” He took your tied hands, leading you to the side of the couch, carefully bending you over the armrest.

“That feel ok?” 

You managed only to reply with a breathless “mhm” 

He chuckled at your desperate wiggles, continuing his unhurried strokes.

He took a moment to admire you, your bare top bent over on the sofa where he laid a cushion for you, sheer black tights stretching over your ass, revealing a pair of lace panties.

He stood behind you, finger gently tracing the lace beneath the nylon, leaving fire in its trail. Your breaths were heavier now, and a small whine escaped you as it torturously dragged between your asscheeks towards your pussy.

“Please, Frank” your voice shook. 

“Please what baby?” He taunted

“Touch me, please” You begged now, desperate to ease the ache between your thighs.

He cupped you through the fabric, running his thumb on your clothed core, you were soaked.

“Like that? hm?”

Your breath was ragged, small whines escaped your mouth as you tried to rock your hips against his hand.

A string of little moans were your only response. 

“More..” you finally added. His touch was deliberate, slow circles that did nothing more than drive you mad.

Gliding both palms towards your waist, he hooked his fingers into the waistband of your tights, wiggling and dragging them down with your panties. 

When the fabric slid past the curve of your ass he stopped, admiring the exposed skin, smooth and supple, the way that the elastic dug into the meat of your upper thighs, accentuating the plumpness.

Two thick digits slid between your thighs, you were dripping, and Frank relished at the squelching sound when he gently parted your folds and spread your juices. His touch was precise, feather light, and painfully slow. 

His cock began to stir again.

His fingers glided over the expanse of the soft flesh, before repeating the slow, agonizing trail from your tailbone to your core, making you tremble. 

“You hear that honey, how wet you are for me?” 

You whimpered, as he moved at a snail’s pace, sliding from your entrance to your clit and back. The pressure increased slightly but the pace was just as slow.

“Fuhhh..fuck…me.” your attempt to speak nearly failed.

“You need to be fucked?” his voice was almost sympathetic.

“Ye..hh” you quivered.

“Like this honey?” He pumped one finger in and out, slowly, with an obscene squelch.  

“Fuck..Please!” You sobbed softly

“Shhh..I know baby, I know…just a lil' more” He replied.

You mewled as he drew his fingers back and parted your cheeks, sliding his heavy length in between your thighs, rubbing against the slick puffy folds, making you drip and bringing you both to the brink. 

You shook, tip-toes barely gripping the carpet, holding on for dear life. 

You shuddered as he dipped his cock into your core,carefully stretching and filling you to the brim. 

Fuckmefuckmefuckmefuckme…

Tears stung your eyes as the throbbing in your cunt became unbearable. Every nerve ending screaming and begging for the emptiness to be filled. Your quiet little sobs filled the room and Frank finally decided to show you mercy.

The sting of it made you battle between the need to adjust to him and need to be fucked within the edge of your life. 

He tutted “Don’t you move, you hear me?” 

"Fuckin' tight" he cursed under his breath.

He set an unhurried pace and you moved your hips to meet his deep thrusts, once, twice, before a sharp swat landed on your right buttcheek.

“Uhu..” You would obey any instructions just to keep him going 

He was tainting you, ruining you. He did not find it in himself to regret that. So he thrust deeper, fingers digging into the plush expanse of your ass, fucking himself into your dripping cunt. 

“You gonna be good now. Take it like a good girl.”

He felt you clench at the words and he smirked to himself, thrusting deeper, addicted to the flutter of your pussy around him.

Shame trickled into his bloodstream again, it always did when it came to you. He let it flow, let it mix with his desire and need, let himself get drunk on it. 

"You like it when I call you that? Hm? Like it when I fuck your little pussy and tell you what a good girl youre bein'?" 

Your response was only a little whimper, but you clenched even harder, squeezing him tightly 

"Answer me baby" 

"I..fucking..love it"

Your climax built rapidly, the familiar coil in your belly growing tighter and tighter. Waves of pleasure coursed through your abdomen, shattering against your core, pushing you off the edge of the cliff. You wailed, walls fluttering around his girth, gripping him like a vice.

"There y'go baby..just like that.." Frank praised you through your high, pulling the remnants of your orgasm out of you as the waves gently subsided.

Your head was heavy and limbs numb, body melting until you couldn’t tell which part of you was solid and which was liquid.

“Shh…shhh s’ok babygirl” He stroked you, laying a gentle kiss on your back as the sound of your heavy breaths filled the room. He slowed down, barely moving his hips, before pulling out his length, still dripping with your arousal. 

“Frank, I've never…umm” your voice is hoarse and breathy

Knowing you’d still be too sensitive, he dipped a cautious finger in, gathering your slick and smearing it up towards the cleft of your ass, massaging it into the tight rim. The sensation was foreign but pleasurable, as he spread your wetness, applying a little more pressure with every slick slide of his digit.

Entranced, still pulsating with your release, you began bucking your hips against his hand.

“S'ok baby, I’ll be nice n’ slow, just my finger” 

Ever so slowly he began pushing the tip of his index past the tight ring, and the slight sting of it made you hiss.

“You wanna stop honey?”

“Uh-uh..no” you muttered. Slowly getting accustomed to the intrusion, rutting against him as he sank his digit down to it’s base. 

When he was fully sheathed in, he lined his cock against your entrance, and pushed in with one smooth motion.

“uhh..fuuuuccckk” you moaned, impossibly full. 

Frank was quiet now, entranced by the way your bodies were connected, the sounds of skin slapping on skin, the little whines and whimpers that came with every thrust into your tight heat.

He moved his cock and his finger in tandem, pacing himself as much as he could, cursing under his breath.

“Good girl… baby… lettin’ me fuck both your pretty holes” He slurred

The overstimulation subsided in moments, and you could feel the shot of arousal, sharp and unforgiving, travel from your ears to your core.

It burned, but only made you want more, willing to be fully used, consumed by him. You were reduced into a quivering mess, crying for him to go harder. He didn't stop you from moving this time, as you instinctively matched his pace, encouraging him deeper.

You were slumped on the pillow, breathless and boneless. He pulled out carefully, watching his release spill onto the bunched up fabric of your panties and tights, etching the depraved sight into his mind. It made him wish he could fuck you all over again.

His impeccable control was rapidly wavering and he began to speed up, his movements becoming rougher and sloppier, crashing his hips into your ass at a brutal pace. Your second orgasm came abruptly and tore an animalistic sound from your chest, pushing Frank over the edge. He spilled inside of you with a guttural moan, long and lowd. The waves of pleasure washing over him again and again as he pulsed inside of you, flooding you with warmth.

**********************

The moans and pleas were replaced by silence, it was a soft, almost pleasant one. Endorphins still buzzed in your bloodstream, and you tried to focus on them instead of the demons that lurked around the peripherals of your mind, awaiting their turn.

Frank’s chest rose and fell beneath you, his breaths deep and steady as sleep was claiming him. You tried closing your eyes, tried matching your breaths with his, but the weight of everything unsaid felt heavy on your chest, threatening to burst. 

More questions, always more fucking questions, ones you felt would be so hard to answer even if you could ask them. You knew you’d be gone by morning, for months, and they’d be left unanswered.

When you finally decided to speak you hoped he’d already be asleep, as if whispering your confessions to yourself would help…

"I don't know what this is, what we are, but I'm gonna miss you" you mumbled, as quietly as possible, hoping to god he didn’t actually hear you.

"Gon' miss you too, baby” He replied in a hushed tone. 

Shit.

Hours later, your eyes stung with lack of sleep. You kept drifting in and out of slumber throughout the night, unable to let yourself relax fully in his presence. You finally gave up as the dim light of dawn crept through the windows and carefully peeled back the comforter, climbing out of the warm bed.

Frank was snoring softly, laying on his belly, face smushed into the pillow he was grabbing. You laid a cautious hand on his back, running your fingers on the smooth expanse of his shoulder blades, the exposed skin cool to the touch.

FIN. 

“Goodbye Frank” you whispered, closing the door behind you.

[eddywoww]

This is embarrassing to say cuz while I've always known I'm heavily INTO bdsm, my actual sexual experience is absolutely zero. For the longest time (complex upbringing + religious background) I've been quite shameful about my preferences and i hid it like a dirty secret.

I've read quite a lot of fics in this genre but most of the relationships are sophisticated into the dynamic already, feels like they're from another world that i know I'm drawn to and belong, but it's quite distanced from me.

But your Dom!Eddie series really made an impact on my life, emotionally i get to follow Steve who's starting from zero into somewhere technically I've already known a lot about, but this time there's a way in for me. Not to mention that it definitely unlocked some new kinks in me hahahah.

Also I'd like to thank you for including all the parts talking about Eddie's mental health, the dom drops he experienced, the self doubt and insecurities coming from both sides, both of their traumas and how they shaped but cannot define who they are. As a person who's questioned about myself for liking this for too long to be healthy, thank you so much for reminding me (through Steve's lines, If i remembered correctly) that what we do is something beautiful.

Your fics are something i didn't realize i needed before i encountered. Thank you, genuinely, you are very talented and i wish you all the best💞

This is such a lovely message. Thank you so much, honey. I really appreciate it and the sentiment is shared, I love having an outlet to write about things and being able to share it with y’all in the hopes that you’ll find something within it to relate to. Im very happy that it’s managed to help you 💕💕

[waynes-multiverse]

To Be Human – Part 01

Squares Filled: Firefighter AU @spndeanbingo // Superhero AU @anyfandomgoesbingo & @taylorswiftbingo

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x Reporter!Reader

Series Summary: Dean and Y/N have been best friends and inseparable since they were kindergartners, leading somewhat boringly normal lives in Lawrence City, Kansas. Now all grown up, Dean is working as a firefighter and Y/N as a reporter until one fateful night changes not only their lives but also their friendship forever.

Warnings: +18, strong language, Firefighter/Superhero AU, fluff, pining, slow burn due to idiocy, angst

Word Count: 5.0k

A/N: Welcome to another series, loves! This one is very special to me and might be my favorite one yet. Fair warning, though, Dean’s a bit of an idiot in this & patience is definitely required. (I also wrote a philosophical intro cuz I was feeling fancy, sue me.) Without further ado, let’s start this rollercoaster ride of a journey! 🎢

Feedback is highly appreciated! ❤️‍🔥

Series Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Tag List

There’s been a question going around philosophy for ages, wise old men scratching their beards over it since one poor little fuck at some point in time dared to pose it: What does it mean to be human?

Is it the ability to show kindness and courage? The ability to remember the past, live in the present, and hope for the future? To be special? Unique? Or is it the ability to love and form connections that make us human? Is it the ability to make your own decisions and carry the consequences of them? Or the knowledge that you’ll die someday and see your loved ones die as well?

The truth is: to be human means everything. It can’t be narrowed down to one single trait. It’s the sum of every little part that makes the whole.

Love and hate. Joy and sadness. Empathy and anger. Pride and shame. Hope and fear.

Being human means trying your best, even through loss, heartbreak, and pain. To be human means everything – the good and the bad.

One sunny morning in Lawrence City, KS…

The fire station is pleasantly quiet in the early morning hours, the sun rays flooding in through the big scarlet garage doors providing the green-eyed firefighter with sufficient lighting as he gives the engine a few touch-ups and checks if any of the hoses need patching while sipping blissfully on his coffee. He always enjoys the silence and calm of the mornings, knowing full well how fast the day can quite literally heat up in a city inhabited by two million.

“Good morning, Winchester!”

Her chipper voice echoes through the deserted garage, his head shooting up to her with a wide smile as she saunters towards him with an enthusiastic swing in her hips and a coffee in hand. There’s no doubt Y/N’s his favorite person out of the two million living in Lawrence City.

“Morning,” he chuckles and sets the rag and cleaner aside when she stops so close in front of him he can practically smell the cherry body wash on her skin from this morning’s shower. “What’s gotten you in such a good mood today? You’re not usually a morning person.”

Honestly, Y/N is the kind of person that just glows whenever she enters a room (even in the mornings). No matter where she goes, she instantly makes everything brighter, illuminates even the darkest spots – pure fucking sunshine in a bottle. If she were a drink, she’d probably be marketed as that. Maybe that’s why she’s been his best friend for ages – he’s mostly rain and thunder and he knows Y/N’s probably the only person that willingly puts up with his bullshit. Sam’s just forced to. That’s just how it works with brothers. With Y/N around him, though, even Dean’s darkest clouds always seem to dissipate.

“Well, uh, today I am a morning person and you’d be too if you had a big story coming up,” she announces with that broad grin of hers, showing off her cute dimples that he loves seeing so much. It instantly makes his mornings better. He craves her smile with his caffeine at this point; otherwise, it’s just a bad day guaranteed.

She pulls out her tape recorder and holds it up to his face, no boundaries whatsoever for personal space. Her eyes focus on the little freckles that dust his nose and the way it twitches when he tries to play annoyed but is actually biting back a smile. “Speaking of which, any comment on the fire last night? My sources are saying it was arson.”

Amused over her little trick, he sniggers, “No comment. You know I can’t tell you.”

She frowns and rolls her eyes back dramatically, “Oh, c’mon, Winchester! What’s a girl gotta do to get a good story around here? First Jo, then you. The people of Lawrence City have a right to know what’s going on in their hometown. Freedom of press… all that.”

Laughing, he shakes his head at her. She’s always been like this – eager, tenacious, and never taking no for an answer. “Hey, if your sister, the detective, refuses to give out any info, I sure as hell won’t either. Not falling for that again, sweetheart.”

She playfully narrows her eyes at him and stores her recorder back in her bag, adding another theatrical sigh to her reply, “Fine. Buzzkill… If I get fired, though, I’m blaming you.”

“If you get fired, I’ll buy you a drink at the bar. How does that sound?”

“Drinks,” she corrects him with a smirk.

“Drinks,” he nods resolutely and winks, seeing her cheeks flush a little. He loves he’s had that effect on her since they were little. “Are you coming to Sammy’s birthday party tonight?”

“Duh. Wouldn’t miss it. Can’t believe that little dork is turning twenty-three. We’re getting old, Winchester,” she huffs with a laugh, gracefully guiding the paper cup to her lips without spilling anything on her white blouse tucked into a pair of washed-out high-waisted jeans.

“Speak for yourself,” the firefighter chuckles. “Still don’t feel a day older than twenty.”

“Really? Wouldn’t have guessed by all the wrinkles on your face,” she sasses, smirking.

He glares a little at her, but it’s all fun and games. It wouldn’t be Y/N and Dean if there wasn’t the occasional bickering and bantering. That’s just how they rolled. And honestly, he’s glad she keeps his ego in check, keeps him grounded. He knows he needs that.

“Ha ha. Don’t you have a job to get to? No wonder your editor hates you,” Dean retorts and she raises her hands in surrender, slowly retreating backwards out of the garage with a sly grin.

“Say no more. I’m going… Tell Sasquatch I’m coming a little later. Still have that big event at COSMOS tonight!” she shouts from the curb.

“Oh, yeah, right. Good luck!” he calls after her, trying not to seem too worried whenever she goes out on an assignment. It’s not like her job is dangerous – she’s thankfully not reporting out of a riot in the Middle East – but knowing Y/N as well as he does, she’d find the danger somehow anyway. That girl is trouble through and through. “And Y/N? If you run into trouble-”

“Run away from the danger, not towards it! I know! I got it! You tell me every time,” she shouts back, laughing like a teenager at a worrying father. He can still see the little mischievous twinkle in her eyes from feet away. It’s crazy hot every time she does it and all he wants is to smack her goddamn ass, but alas, he’s left to resort to words alone.

“Never seems to take, though!”

Smiling softly, he leans against the fire engine, a little sigh leaving his plump lips as he watches her disappear down the busy street, her hips swaying with every joyful step.

“Are you ever gonna tell that girl how you feel?”

The firefighter startles and spins around to look into a set of shining blue eyes, “Geez, man, you scared me.”

Benny only laughs wholeheartedly in response, “Sorry, brother. Didn’t mean to wake you from your daydream.”

“I wasn’t-… She’s not-…,” Dean starts to argue, opening and closing his mouth several times, and then stops with a swallow, knowing it’s not going to help his case the more he says. Instead, he fixes a glare at his co-worker, “We’re best friends. She’s just Y/N to me, man. I’ve known her since I was five. She’s like a little sister to me.”

Ouch. That lie even hurt him. He doesn’t want to think of Y/N as his little sister because he’s had way too many R-rated dreams about her over the years to stomach that with a clean conscience. He’d be the worst big brother ever. Not to mention, she’s only seven months younger than him and has always been more mature by like, light-years. So if anything, she’d be more like his older sister or even his mom. Wait… God, no, it’s just getting worse now, isn’t it?

Let’s just say she’s the one and only Y/N to him. She’s unique in her uniqueness, you know? So Dean has always put their friendship on a pedestal and held it close to his heart. She’s been pretty much special to him ever since he saved her from that bullying kindergartner on the playground when they were both only five years old. Maybe it’s because she’s called him her hero after and kissed his cheek, and that just did things to him he can’t explain to this day. It’s like she became his after that and it was just a sealed deal, you know? The gold standard of the best-friends-forever club.

Of course, romantic feelings have surfaced on occasion over the years. When they were six, he asked her to marry him and they even held a ceremony in Y/N’s backyard. There’s still video of it, too. Their moms just loved to haul that one outta the attic whenever Christmas arrived – so much so, he and Y/N ended up calling it Cringemas. Honestly, the video is cute altogether. He still remembers his ‘vows’ word for word, even though it’s been so long. Isn’t that just weird?

Then there is the time when they were sixteen, at the height of teenage hormones, and he almost kissed her during a high school Halloween party at Suzy Lee’s place before a call from his crying little brother luckily prevented him from making a huge fucking mistake. He still doesn’t know what came over him there. It was probably the cheap vodka and he assumes she must’ve looked nice in that porch light when they sat alone outside, away from the party because she knows he hates the crowds, so she kept him company on the steps, their knees softly touching and thighs pressing together. But yeah, he’s still glad Sam puked during apple bobbing. Besides, it was fucking hilarious, too.  

And then there is the time when they celebrated their college graduation in his apartment – well, his community college degree and Y/N’s actual degree from the University of Lawrence City, although Y/N would smack his head if she’s heard him saying that out loud.

That night, they almost ended up in bed together. Like, they actually discussed… having sex… with each other, which was mind-blowing at the time. Honestly, it still would be. If she asked him to have sex right now, his head would explode. And granted, they were both hammered that night, like stupidly drunk, obviously. But he recalls being fucking hard because he’s never heard her say so many dirty words before. He didn’t even know she knew that many, but whatever innocence he’s ascribed to her before that night was definitely gone out the window once she opened that naughty mouth of hers. All he wanted to do after that was to just ravage her entire body then and there. He still remembers one of his hands was around her neck and the other…

Yup, his left hand definitely touched a boob. Yeah, okay, so what? It was one boob, sue him. One boob and the nipple a little bit – through fabric. It basically doesn’t count and he never thinks about it.

In all honesty, he thinks about it a lot, actually, and grins like an idiot too while doing it. But he swears he always feels bad right after. (Also, he still remembers it was his left hand. Like why?!)

Anyways, he almost kissed her, again, before Sam, again, burst through the door because the library closed and he couldn’t study for his SATs any longer, so his little brother plopped down on the couch between them and turned on the TV.

Somehow he sounds a little bitter about it now, but he promises he isn’t. Dean’s happy they’ve never crossed the line and ruined their friendship for good, always recovering the next day with a laugh and continuing on as if nothing ever happened. They have always been there for each other – good times and especially bad times. He held her for hours when her dad died and she slept on the ground next to him on the couch for months when his mother passed. They helped each other through loss, heartbreak, and cheaters, their friendship never wavering even during the strongest storm.

One thing is abundantly clear, though, through all their ups and downs: Dean can’t stand the idea of losing his best friend. He just doesn’t want to cover her sunshine with his clouds. It always feels like he could taint her shine.

“Ah, sure,” Benny chuckles sarcastically. “So, you don’t mind if I ask her out?”

Juniper eyes widen and his brow raises in surprise. He almost chokes on his fucking coffee, “You-, uh, you wanna ask out Y/N? My Y/N?”

Great. Could he be more possessive? No wonder all their friends and family think they'll get married someday. Now, he only hopes Benny hasn’t picked up on his mishap.

The blue-eyed firefighter shrugs his shoulders coolly, unfazed apparently by Dean’s wording, “Sure, why not? She’s a great girl. She’s funny, smart, beautiful. And man, that ass surely takes your breath away…”

“Whoa…” Dean’s look darkens so much it becomes a black hole as he stares at his friend, his jaw clenching and the grip on the wrench in his hand tightening. “Slow down, Romeo. Don’t talk about her like that,” he growls warningly and wishes he could keep his emotions better in check, but he can’t help it when it comes to Y/N.

“What? You don’t think so?”

“Wha-… Of course, I do! I mean, not the ass thing… I mean, not that she doesn’t have a great ass. I assume she does, but I don’t look, okay?”

God, he is a fucking liar, isn’t he? Of course, he’s looked at her ass and feels guilty every time he does. In his defense, Benny’s right and she has a fucking great ass, though. Not looking would be a crime to humanity. Like Monet saying, ‘Hey, don’t look at my waterlilies!’

“And that’s not even the fucking point…,” he continues his rant. “The point is… she’s the fucking best,” he defends with a huff, his shoulders tensing. He’s not sure, though, if he’s defending her honor or his own at this point. “Which is precisely why you’re not good enough for her. No offense.”

“None taken,” Benny snickers in amusement before erupting into loud laughter and hunching over as he rubs a few tears out of the corners of his eyes.

Dean frowns, his brow knitting so much he is close to a rage headache, confusion mixing with his anger, “What?! What’s so fucking funny now?”

“You! I’m just messing with you, man. I’m not gonna ask her out. Just wanted to see your reaction. Was worth it,” Benny grins broadly as if he’s just won a boxing match and folds his arms over his chest, his eyebrow arching. “Are you sure you’ve got no feelings for her, brother? Because to me, it looked like you came this close to bashing my head in with that wrench in your hand.”

“Fuck you,” Dean scoffs, furiously shaking his head while Benny just laughs more. Why does everyone always have to taunt him about Y/N? Can’t they just let it be and leave him alone?

So what if he has never liked a single boyfriend of Y/N’s? It doesn’t have anything to do with harboring some secret romantic feelings for his best friend. He only ever wants the best for her and none of her ex-douchebags have ever come close to even being remotely adequate. It is pure, innocent concern that plagues him, far away from any jealousy. He isn’t territorial like a dog defending its toy. If she ever meets a decent guy up to his standards, she can date him all she wants. He would have zero problems with that. Honestly, guys should fucking worship the ground she walks on and kiss her feet, and they don’t deserve sex until like… the hundredth date.

Those are his rules. Really, they’re simple. He’s not asking for too much, right?

So what the hell is so wrong about it? Is he not supposed to care about his friend’s wellbeing and look out for her?

Sure, the vanilla scent in her hair when she softly rests her head on his shoulder whenever they watch TV on his couch, or her adorable and intoxicating laugh whenever he cracks a joke, or her twinkling Y/E/C eyes whenever she looks up at him like he’s the fucking best could quite possibly drive him mad with want. Add to this, the thought of her getting touched by some other guy that isn’t him makes him want to commit murder. Her in some asshole’s arms? It undoubtedly makes his skin crawl, but that doesn’t mean…

Fuck… Is he actually jealous? Is he in love with her? No, right?

The more he thinks about it, the more he knows it, though: he is in deep fucking trouble.

Later…

Rocky’s is buzzing with people as Dean arrives at the bar after his shift, squeezing through the crowd on his way to the counter, hoping to find his friends there. He hates people. He doesn’t mind saving them, but he surely hates being around the masses. He prefers a quiet seat at a booth with a few trusted friends over lavish parties – or whatever is going on here tonight. How many fucking friends can Sam possibly have?

The speakers are blaring music, but Dean is sure the thoughts in his head are booming even louder. He’s put on a red and black checkered flannel, one of his nicer ones (the one Y/N likes so much), his mind reeling with thoughts and decisions since this morning. He still blames fucking Benny for most of it, although his thoughts about Y/N aren’t entirely new. He will admit that much. He’s thought about it before, countless times even (usually when Y/N would drag a new boyfriend into their lives), but always put it on the back-burner as a ‘maybe in his thirties’ kind of thing. When he got his shit together, you know?

Because God knows, he doesn’t have it together now. Right now, he holds the maturity level of a fourteen-year-old, if you haven’t noticed. But what if she can’t wait for him to outgrow his Peter Pan syndrome and finds some actual grown-up? What’s he supposed to do then? Stand idly by at their wedding?

Shit, he will have to walk her down the aisle, won’t he? Because her father died, so he’s the only possible option. Maybe he can get Sam to do it – or Bobby. But then she’ll just end up asking why he isn’t gonna do it and what the fuck is he supposed to say then, huh?

Yeah, he might have to pull his shit together a little faster and hope Y/N wouldn’t mind a few of his deficiencies. Hell, she knows all of his flaws better than he does, anyways. And she’s still by his side even when he fucks up, so what is he so scared of, really? Weirdly enough, running into burning buildings doesn’t terrify him as much as confessing his feelings to his best friend.

During lunch, he even caught himself scrolling through his photos on his phone, almost every picture either with Y/N or of Y/N, realizing he really doesn’t have a life outside of her. She is his life. So he keeps thinking about what life would look like if she were truly by his side. And he has to admit, it would be fucking fantastic.

She knows him better than anyone on this planet, better than Sam, and he knows her better than anyone else too. He knows how to make her laugh, what songs make her smile, and what movies make her cry. He knows her coffee order and her favorite pizza toppings. He knows her dorky dance moves and her nervous ticks. He just fucking knows her, inside and out. (And parts of her he doesn’t know yet he wants to know. Seriously, the curiosity is sometimes killing him.)

There would be no first-date awkwardness, no fights between them that couldn’t be solved, and no hesitations. He’s sure they’d still hang out together like best friends, but he’d also get to do all the other stuff that always feels so natural to do whenever she’s around but he always refrains from doing. Like, hold her tightly in his arms, kiss her pink lips until they were both blue in the face, and feel her smooth skin under his fingertips. He’s always wondered what those things would feel like. All in all, being with her sounds fucking awesome. A dream come true.

Fuck. He really does love her, doesn’t he?

“Hey, man, happy birthday!” Upon seeing his little brother, he hugs Sam tightly and pats him several times on the back with the proudest smile. He can hardly believe the kid is a year older again and graduating college. Y/N was right – he is getting fucking old.

“Thanks. Glad you could make it, man,” Sam smiles and slings his arm around his girlfriend Jess as she joins the men.

The two have met in college and have been inseparable since, causing Dean to wonder how his little brother has turned out more mature than him. He intends to take credit for Sam’s perfection, nonetheless. After all, he’s raised the kid since Sam’s fourteenth birthday and dropped out of college for him, so he gets to. At least Dean thinks he has a right to be proud and call Sam his greatest achievement, even though Y/N would cut in and remind him that his community college degree and graduating fire academy can also be counted as his biggest achievements.  

“Dean, you’re here!” Jess greets him cheerfully, almost to Y/N’s degree of cheeriness, before looking the firefighter up and down with an impressed smile, “Damn, you look good tonight.”

“Hey!” Sam throws in with mock upset and kisses her temple, chuckling.

“What? Look at him! Doesn’t he look good tonight?” Jess swats her boyfriend’s arm repeatedly, the baffled smile not disappearing from her lips.

Sam then squints his eyes at his brother, taking a closer look now too, and his eyebrow raises slightly, “Actually, you do. Why?”

In true little brother fashion, Sam’s found an error in Dean’s code and wants to know what caused it, so the older sibling has to scramble for an answer.

“Oh, this? I just threw something on that wasn’t in the laundry basket,” Dean shrugs the nosy pair off, wishing he had a drink in his hand for this conversation.

“Dean, don’t be modest. You got some hot date tonight?” Jess wiggles her eyebrows teasingly.

“Yeah… do you?” Sam questions suspiciously, his tone a lot more serious than his girlfriend’s.

God, Dean really does have a reputation if that’s everyone’s first assumption. It also makes him question tonight’s plan. Should he really ask out Y/N? Because now he’s direly realizing she doesn’t just know him; she knows too fucking much.

“What’s with the Spanish inquisition tonight? Can’t a guy just look good for no reason at all? ‘Sides, I’ll have you two know I would look good in a fucking trash bag. Leave me alone,” Dean huffs, a little too defensive. Now Sam will definitely be suspicious.      

“Jess, can you excuse us for a second?”

Yup. Just as Dean thought – his younger brother caught a trail.

“Sure, I’ll order us a round of shots, so we can get this party started,” Jess winks and kisses her boyfriend’s lips, leaving for the bar counter.

“What’s up?” Sam asks bluntly, not letting a single minute tick away on the clock. He has always been like this since the brothers were children and it has always annoyed the shit out of the oldest Winchester.

“Nothing,” Dean shrugs and hates he doesn’t have a beer bottle in his hand to hide his face.

“Dean…”

“Sam…”

The brothers then enter into an intense glaring match, neither wanting to cave. But Sam, shining with maturity and simultaneously rubbing it into Dean’s face, eventually breaks the silence.

“Dean, c’mon, man. What’s going on with you?”

With a deep exhale and a heavy eye roll, the firefighter finally crumples. Not because of Sam’s puppy dog look, though. He just really needs to get it off his chest and he obviously can’t tell Y/N, so his little brother truly is his only option. “Okay, fine, but you’re not allowed to tell anyone, especially Jess.”

“What, are we in kindergarten?”

“Sam!”

The youngest Winchester raises his hands in surrender at his brother’s warning growl, “Fine, I won’t tell anyone.”

“Okay, alright… here it goes, uhm… I think I’m in love with Y/N,” he shares nervously and swallows the gigantic lump that has formed in his throat. Wow. Jesus fucking Christ, how long has that been there? His shoulders feel a million pounds lighter after his confession already.

Sam stares at his brother for a moment, not a single emotion readable on his face before he purses his lips and his brow knits, “So?”

“So?!” Dean wildly flings his arms around, almost hitting several people in his vicinity as heads and bodies duck away from him. He fucking can’t believe Sam right now. Here he is, pouring his heart out and that’s all the little shit has to say?

“Dean, everyone knows that already. That’s not news. It’s like saying the sky is blue,” Sam replies with a twitch of his shoulders and an amused chuckle.

“Well… I didn’t know!” he hisses, flustered and frustrated.

Sam lets out a laugh and grins, “Yeah, that one was pretty obvious too.”

“This isn’t funny, Sam! What am I supposed to do?” As his nerves get the best of him, he starts to pace the sticky bar floor in front of Sam, vigorously scratching the back of his neck in the process. “You think-, uh, you think she likes me… I mean, you think she likes me like that?”

“Uh… I don’t know, man. I mean, I’d ask Jess since they are friends and both girls, but you said I wasn’t allowed to tell her, so…,” Sam trails off and shrugs.

“You aren’t,” Dean emphasizes through gritted teeth and runs a hand over his face, irritated. “You know what? You have been of no help at all tonight. Zero!”

“Maybe because it’s my birthday,” Sam points out innocently.

Dean sighs, knowing himself it’s not the right time and place for this discussion, not to mention Y/N might show up any minute and the thought of seeing her makes his heart race like it never has before. “Yeah, you’re right, man. I’m sorry.”

Sam sends him a patient smile and bobs his head, “Look, Dean… you said you think you’re in love with her, but I think you really need to make sure you are before you say something to her. She’s not one of your flings. I mean, you can’t just ask her out because you’re curious.”

“That’s not-” He closes his mouth as the gears start turning in his head. He wants to say that’s not the reason why, but now he isn’t sure. Sam’s just fucking confusing him more. He’s not that big of an asshole, right?

Fuck. Is he?

Sam just blinks at him innocently. Dean can see his shoulders are itching for a shrug and the corners of his eyes are already forming another puppy dog look. “I’m just sayin’, it’s a very fragile ecosystem. We’re family. Y/N’s kinda the glue that’s all holding us together. I mean, I’ve learned to say Y/N’s name the same time I learned to say yours, you know?”

“Yeah, no, I know, thanks,” Dean mutters bitterly.

Yeah, Sam really isn’t any help at all. The oldest Winchester can’t really blame him, though. Y/N is like a big sister to Sam, who tutored him not only in school subjects but also in girls, not trusting Dean to do a proper job with the latter. Not because he didn’t have any game, but because, in Y/N’s words, he had ‘too much.’ Looking at Sam and Jess now and then at his own empty life, he understands that she was pretty much right in her assumption.

Not wanting to continue this discussion with his younger brother, Dean’s gaze lazily wanders to the TV screen above the mahogany bar, his eyes narrowing at the breaking news report and he asks the bartender kindly to turn the volume up a few notches.

“…the number of casualties is still undetermined as of now. First responders from the Lawrence City police and fire departments are still trying to get as many people out as they can. Our sources at the location are reporting that the cause of the explosion at COSMOS laboratories is still unknown. We will keep you updated as the story progresses…”

Dean’s breath hitches in his throat, his heart achingly constricting as he watches the live footage from the scene, smoke and flames bursting out of the collapsing skyscraper as a few of his colleagues scramble to get every last person out. He tries desperately to find Y/N’s face in the pixelated masses on the tiny screen, but of course, he can’t.

“COSMOS… Y/N, uh, Y/N’s there! I-, uh, I’m sorry… I gotta run,” Dean splutters, trying to collect his thoughts and keep a straight head as his heart is close to detonating. He isn’t even on call, but if there’s a chance Y/N is hurt, he has to be there and make sure she’s okay.

“Go, man,” Sam nods with worry and understanding, watching his older brother rush out of the bar faster than he’s ever seen Dean run in his entire life.

Part 02

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[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 306: the beginning of the WHAT

Previously on BnHA: Nana and the Gang were all, “hey Deku, we can read your thoughts and feelings so we should already know the answer to this, but for some reason we want to quiz you on whether or not you’d be down to kill Shigaraki Tomura.” Deku was all, “um okay, well tbh, probably not seeing as Saving People has been my entire thing since literally the start of the series.” The Vestiges were all, “yes that makes perfect sense and again we already knew that, but well, good for you buddy and I’m glad we had this talk. Anyway I guess we should ask these two cryptic fuckers in the corner to finally turn around now before we run out of -- ” and then the chapter ended. Because OF COURSE IT DID.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT, WOULDN’T IT BE SO MUCH BETTER IF I GAVE YOU A CONFUSING CHAPTER WHERE EVERYONE FINALLY LEARNS ABOUT OFA, AND GOES BACK TO THE DORMS, AND THEN THE CHAPTER ENDS WITH DEPRESSED NOMAD DEKU STANDING ON A PRECIPICE WITH GRAN TORINO’S TATTERED CAPE FLOWING IN THE WIND.” Everyone is all, “???????????” Horikoshi is all, “also the parents are moving to the U.A. campus, and Jeanist’s neck is two and a half feet long, for everyone that was wondering.” Everyone is all, “WHERE ARE KACCHAN AND TODOROKI AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHO ARE THE SECOND AND THIRD USERS”, and Horikoshi is all, “:)” and fades away into nothingness like the fucking fae he is. Like a fucking imp who’s kept his end of the cursed bargain. What, the, fuck.

okay guys, so after the longest Thursday of my fucking life, during which I was secretly hoping that my spoiler containment net would be somehow be breached, inadvertently exposing me to theta spoiler radiation, so that I could be all “oh no... spoilers... there’s nothing I can do... I have no choice but to look” (which sadly did not happen), it is finally Friday and the chapter is finally out. so I’ve got my clown kit at the ready and other self-deprecating memes on standby, and I’m ready to go. and I should note that I’m also ready for Horikoshi to pull some absolute bullshit and be like, “oh you know what, we haven’t checked in with Rat Principal in a while have we” and spend the entire chapter on nonsense like that. I’M READY FOR FUCKING ANYTHING so bring it

(ETA: it would be nice if this man wouldn’t call my bluff every now and again.)

oh, right, we were due a color page! wow look at this

isn’t this supposed to be the future?? what’s with all of these staticky CRT TVs

anyway, so! is this the first time we’ve seen Tomura’s stylish finger prosthetic glove thingy in color?? because I didn’t expect it to be red. also, at some point you just have to give in and change your pants into cutoffs or something, Tomura. start a new trend of stylish villain capris

meanwhile Deku is dressed like he’s going on a journey into the desert to find a mystical oasis. actually this cape looks a lot like Gran Torino’s. I have to go back and see if Gran’s is all raggedy like this

(ETA: it wasn’t before but APPARENTLY IT IS NOW. I also forgot that Horikoshi had showed it sitting on a side table in the hospital a few chapters ago.)

lastly, AFO looks like someone’s thumb after they’ve been washing dishes for twenty minutes. you are just the ugliest dude in history, and as always, fuck you

HAHAHA SOB I KNEW IT

oh, Twowy McTwoface is finally starting to turn around? better CUT BACK TO DEKU’S HOSPITAL ROOM THEN. wouldn’t want to accidentally ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS or SOLVE ANY MYSTERIES, god forbid

well, whatever. whatever!! anyway so now someone’s knocking at the door. I say “someone” but we all know it’s Hawks

yep

they were actually standing outside the door for a while hoping they’d overhear another juicy plot conversation, but no such luck this time

lmaooo Jeanist wtf

acting all embarrassed, but you’re really just as curious as Hawks is. making him do all the dirty work for you huh

ARE YOU SERIOUS THIS IS AN INJUSTICE

so like two seconds after Katsuki gets dragged away you open the door for the rest of them!! well, fine!! I really want it to be a more private/personal moment between the two of them anyway so let the other kids check in on Deku first then

and in the meantime, time to see Hawks put the thumbscrews to All Might’s resolve lol

I wonder how much of it Hawks has already put together in the last five minutes. One for All is something connected to All for One that Tomura seems to want. Tomura was apparently targeting Deku. that’s more than enough to make a few deductions right there. I wonder how much Hawks knows about Deku’s quirk. he did watch the sports festival, and he ran into the kids interning under Endeavor that one time

okay well maybe he hasn’t put the rest of it together just yet, but Hawks is making a pretty reasonable pitch here to All Might

also this is a pretty spectacular view. is this a hospital or a hotel??

AHLKJLKJLKJ ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO TELL THEM

OH MY GOD HE IS?!?!

JUST LIKE WE ALL EXPECTED, THE NEXT TWO PEOPLE TO LEARN THE TRUTH ABOUT OFA ARE GOING TO BE HAWKS, AND BEST FUCKING JEANIST

-- LFKLKKLDK ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS. ARE YOU --

( •̀_•́ )

[sitting cross-legged on the ground pulling up little clumps of grass and letting them fall from my fingers one by one] yeah. sure. okay. fine. sure

-- OKAY, NO. NUH-UH. NO

everybody better hold tight cuz I’m about to pick up this whole chapter and yeet it into the ocean like a fucking frisbee lol

HORIKOSHI I DON’T CARE ABOUT THESE PEOPLE SITTING HERE WATCHING TV WTF

-- OH

well okay then. proceed. though lord help me if they’re about to reveal the secret of OFA to the whole fucking world skdkj

oh snap

well, there it is. pretty much what I expected, but it’s good to actually get to see this moment with him taking responsibility

though at the same time, thank you Horikoshi for not forcing us to sit through the rest of that

their fucking faces omg. okay but seriously, what nation doesn’t secretly love a good scandal

the Endeavor Pamphlets, part two. thank you for giving the country something to opine about on twitter in these trying times, Enji

so now they’re asking about Hawks and Jeanist but I cannot even focus on anything all of a sudden because what?!

is Jeanist even a real actual human being you guys?! are we sure he’s not three kids sitting on each other’s shoulders?? are you related to that one guy with the really long neck from the Jedi Council?? are you Orochimaru, bro??

so now Hawks is apologizing for the murder of Twice, and for hiding the connection with his dad

the fact that he has to give this serious formal apology and beg forgiveness for the shameful crime of Having An Abusive Father is really something else, though. just. it’s realistic, but I still hate it

moving on now to the one thing he actually does owe the public an explanation for

not to go all “Hawks did nothing wrong” on you guys yet again, but seriously. 100% facts. fandom can (and no doubt will) debate this until the end of time, but if Twice had gotten away they wouldn’t be having this press conference right now because there wouldn’t be any heroes left to give one. anyways though, I’ve already said more than enough about that in previous posts

so now some severe-looking lady with the weirdest fingers I’ve ever seen is saying that her mother was injured during Machia’s rampage

and she’s basically all “a fuck lot of good ‘I’m sorry’ does us all about now.” true true

wow she’s really getting fired up

and now Enji is basically saying that he understands that an apology isn’t enough, and what they really need now are solutions. okay, well! SO THEN WHAT IS THE PLAN THEN

hmmfsdgh

this eloquent PEZ dispenser makes a good point you guys

wait, hold up

CERTAIN citizens?? um excuse me, what??

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit

holy shit. well, this will go over well

okay! so this tells me a number of things, though

basically the minute that Hawks learned about One for All, he realized that anyone connected to Deku (e.g. Inko) would be a target for AFO. AFO wants OFA, meaning AFO wants Deku, and one of the easiest ways to get to Deku would be to target his family

Hawks therefore realized that Inko needed to be placed into protective custody

but the fact that ALL of the hero course students’ families (and is it only the U.A. hero course, or all of the hero course students across the country?) are being given protection tells me that Hawks and co. don’t want to single Deku out as being important. so then it looks like they’re not going to tell everyone about OFA (or at least not the public. which, good). so rather than drawing suspicion by saying “we’ve got to protect everyone connected with this one kid”, they’re making it seem like all the U.A. kids’ families are getting this treatment

but since the heroes are now spread so thin, they can’t just send a protective detail to each and every family, so they’re bringing all of the families to the same place instead to better keep an eye on them

so that’s all well and good, and a very smart move. except that idk how all of this is going to go over with the general public, all of whom are probably feeling unsafe at the moment, and who will probably see this as preferential treatment -- basically just the heroes looking after their own and leaving everyone else to fend for themselves

(ETA: okay so @hanashimas​’ translation clarifies that U.A. is offering their services as an evacuation shelter for everyone who wants it, not just the families of the U.A. students. that’s much more appropriate so I withdraw my previous “wtf” reaction lol.)

anyway though here’s Mitsuki and Inko

can we take this as confirmation that the two of them really are friends? that’s one piece of fanon that I’ve always hoped was true, so I’m gonna go ahead and say it’s confirmed

(ETA: also this means that Hagakure’s parents (or maybe “parents” in quotation marks) will supposedly be moving in as well. sure am curious as to how that’s going to go.)

now someone in the press crowd is asking whether U.A. can provide adequate security, which is honestly the LAST thing I expected these people would be outraged about lol. shows what I know I guess

(ETA: again though, this makes sense if the “certain civilians” thing was just a translation error.)

LMAO DAMMIT ENJI

YOU CAN’T JUST ALWAYS PULL THE “JUST WATCH ME” TRICK AND EXPECT IT TO SHUT DOWN THE CONVERSATION EVERY DAMN TIME YOU ASSHOLE

-- OH MY GOD RED ALERT

TIME TO ANALYZE THIS BECAUSE OMG

WASH CAN’T BELIEVE HIS FAMILY GROUP CHAT IS STILL SENDING HIM FUCKING MEMES AT A TIME LIKE THIS. HE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK IF THE DABI DANCE IS TRENDING ON TIKTOK, MOM!!

FOR A MINUTE I THOUGHT MT. LADY WAS HOLDING MIDNIGHT’S TORN-UP MASK, AND BY THE TIME I REALIZED THAT’S ACTUALLY HER MASK AND NOT MIDNIGHT’S, I HAD ALREADY CONSTRUCTED AN ELABORATE HEADCANON IN WHICH MT. LADY AND MIDNIGHT WERE SECRETLY DATING BUT HADN’T COME OUT TO ANYONE YET, AND THEN TRAGEDY STRUCK, AND NOW MT. LADY IS GETTING READY TO SET OUT TO SEEK VENGEANCE. AND WELL, NOW THAT THIS HEADCANON EXISTS IN THE WORLD, I’M NOT SURE IF I’M READY TO GET RID OF IT

MIRKO HAS GOTTEN HERSELF A PROSTHETIC (ROBOT??!) ARM, NOTHING ELSE THAT’S HAPPENING IN THIS CHAPTER IS EVEN SLIGHTLY IMPORTANT!!! HELLO!!!!!

AIZAWA WITH THE EYEPATCH GOOD LORD. THE WORLD ISN’T READY. HE LOOKS LIKE HE HASN’T SLEPT IN NINETY-EIGHT YEARS, BUT SOMEHOW HE MAKES IT INTO THE HOTTEST THING EVER AS PER USUAL

WHO THE FUCK IS THIS FUCKING GUY. ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW HIM? IS THIS KAMUI?? WAS THAT THING WHICH I ALWAYS ASSUMED WAS HIS HAIR ACTUALLY A HELMET OR SOMETHING WHAT

LOL AND MEANWHILE

you tell me, Dabi! weren’t you the one who said that wouldn’t be enough to kill him? what even is your endgame here. I’m starting to worry about the villain brain cell supply you guys. I feel like Compress took most of them with him when he left

OH??

“when asked about One for All, Endeavor fucking lied through his teeth.” well, well, well

SLKDFJLSKGDJLKLKGJL THE DORMS

( ⁰ ⌂ ⁰ )

SLDKJFLKJWLKJLK

WLKDJSLKJFWKELKSDJLKHGLK

HDSMFLKGKL:GDSELK

OCHAKO’S HAND IS SHAKING OH MY GOD

THERE’S YOUR KAMINARI, EVERYONE!!

RHA’S SCANLATION TEAM REALLY THREW DEKU’S HANDWRITING UNDER THE BUS HERE HUH

HE TOLD EVERYONE!?

WHY THE FUCK IS HE WRITING IT AS A LETTER

(ETA: 9. also if he really wrote every kid in his class then that means the U.A. traitor -- or Hagakure as we like to call her around these parts -- also knows about OFA, and knows that Deku has run the fuck off and isn’t at U.A. anymore. so that’s just great!)

OH HELL NO

the hell does that mean, you must leave. leave to go where. son you are not up and leaving to go power up and lead us all into a timeskip. and I swear to GOD, if you left Kacchan too...!!

MY GOD I CAN’T PROPERLY ABSORB ALL OF THESE OCHAKO FEELS RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I’M TOO TERRIFIED TO SCROLL TO THE LAST FUCKING PAGE, FUCK

I JUST GOTTA DO IT. I JUST GOTTA SUCK IT UP AND DO IT. FUCK

FUCK

WHAT. THE. FUCK

y’all I’m not even gonna waste your time with more keysmashing, JUST ASSUME THAT I AM DOING IT NONSTOP, FOREVER. and let’s just jump RIGHT IN HERE

okay so here I thought that All Might and co. had taken him away somewhere to train, but that is CLEARLY not what’s going on here. this kid is standing here in his Apocalypse Aesthetic hero costume which has CLEARLY seen better days, with Gran Torino’s cloak (GUESS THAT EXPLAINS THAT, THEN?? SO DID GRAN FUCKING DIE EXCUSE ME WTF), and a fucking backpack. this little green idiot has RUN AWAY FROM HOME. this is the absolute LAST THING ON EARTH I ever expected to happen so PARDON ME WHILE I SCREAM CONFUSEDLY INTO THE VOID

he does not look okay. you guys he doesn’t look okay at ALL. he has NEVER looked like this. this isn’t just a “I’m sad because I’m leaving all my friends behind” kind of look on his face, or even just a “Gran Torino died maybe and I’m still having emotions over it” look. this is an EXHAUSTED, dead look in his eyes. something terrible has happened

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ARMS DEKU. THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING DOWN WITH YOUR ARMS GODDAMMIT

love how this random building is just straight up collapsing, like that’s just a normal thing that happens every day now. lovely

APRIL MEANS IT’S NOW FULL ON SCHEDULED ALL-MIGHT-DYING-HOURS, BUT LET’S COMPLETELY IGNORE THAT THOUGH BECAUSE FUCK THAT NOISE

“THE SECOND USER? WHO KNOWS? CERTAINLY NOT ME” HORIKOSHI I SWEAR TO GOD

“BAKUGOU? NEVER HEARD OF HIM!” HORIKOSHI PLEASE

WHERE. IS. KACCHAN

did he go with Deku?? did he get a chance to talk to him before he left?? did he get his own private letter which he read and then promptly blew up in a fit of panicked rage?? is he going to go after him?? DOES HORIKOSHI KNOW WHAT HE’S DOING TO ME RIGHT NOW?? OF COURSE HE DOES, DON’T BOTHER ANSWERING THAT

omg. though actually the fact that we’ve already jumped a few weeks forward makes me hopeful that there won’t actually be another timeskip, or at least not much of one. I’m sure that’ll be the big debate of the week, but I don’t think we can jump too far forward here. for starters because of that All Might prophecy I mentioned. and also because TomurAFO isn’t just going to wait around for months. and also because I’m 100% sure that Deku’s running-away backpack is just filled ENTIRELY WITH NOTEBOOKS and this asshole cannot possibly survive more than 3 days on his own. UNLESS SOMEONE COMES TO HELP HIM THAT IS. OR SOMEONES, EVEN. OMG. omg omg omg. fuck this chapter lmao

[luckyqueenreign]

Hey, hun!

Rant incoming 😅 I apologize in advance!

is it possible to be disappointed even if you expected it? i mean I definitely love they gave us an option to tell Meera "screw you!" and Suresh's apology was not bad, but still.

i kinda thought Finn's speech will be more about hos feelings for MC but he downplay it to "i wanted everyone on your side". what's wrong with FB's pixel men who go for different girl behind their partners back? I didn't like it with Jake behind Cherry's back (but he at least wanted to make an "official relationship" with MC), I hated it with Noah behind Hope's back (cuz it made him sneakiest boy in entire season 2 despite the fact that he's supposed to be a loyalest person!), I didn't like it with Youssef. and now they doing it with Finn? why can't we have one boy who wants only MC and showing his intentions for everyone? you know like Rafi from s4. This man actually chose to walk from Villa cuz he came with his eyes only on MC!

So now I'm really considering choosing money in final (if FB will give us this opportunity!)

I would like to be with Finn if he actually made it clear to Kat before proposing MC to take his eggs, if you know what I mean.also! it's quite suspicious when he said he didn't do bits with Kat when she said opposite. So there isn't any complete trust in him.

I don't fancy Alfie as a love interest. So he's just a friend for my MC. And he disappointed me too! I mean there was a girl who fancied him greatly, he brought her back and didn't regret it (he made MC vulnerable!), he chose to marry her in SMP and he chose not to go with her because what? MC (who by the way he cheated on with Kat)?? I actually felt bad for Meera in this moment even though I hated her. So... this is definitely is not a man for my MC.

I'm too straight to go for a girl even though Lulu is lovely! So it's not an option for me😃

And Suresh... Well, it's complicated. I'm not forgiving person - not sure I can move past cheating in real life. And I probably wouldn't got together with Suresh if I eas MC - I couldn't forget a betrayal and there's no point in relationship if you don't trust your partner.

But I did like his apology! finally we have something sincere!

and still - kissing your mistress in SMP challenge is a really next level cruelty. I can understand when you want to see if there could be anything but you don't have to do it when a person (who you clame you care about) can see this.

also! His actions do make sense when you shutting his flirting at every opportunity - so he could have a doubts about his chances. but when you flirted with him even on double date, when you kissed him - it should have been a sign for him! His actions are cruel when you trying to actually romance him.

and I still don't have enough emotions from MC! I want some good drama - when she don't want to love her ex but can't help herself but love him. When she wants to move on and struggling with her feelings because he is her first and only love. She tried so hard to rebuild herself after his betrayal and when she's finally go to Villa he showed up. and all her "work" to forget about him eas pointless. I want her tears and his vulnerability (and tears) damn it.

overall S5 is the only season where I don't find a good boy (without any red flags). It's a shame, there was do much potential!

Ahem... I didn't mean to rant so much, sorry! Feel free to ignore this bedsheet of text😅

bestie you're so right...s5 has literally the worst men in the entire series...the least complicated LI in all of S5 is Lulu and thats awesome for players who want wlw route but I wish wlm route got at least one uncomplicated man as well. dont get me wrong I love a redemption story, but not all of them needed to be one. Also why theyre now making Finn a cheater is beyond me?? it literally makes no sense. And I dont understand why all of his confessions lowkey back pedal every week. I like u MC ALOT!! but I also like Kat too! not very reassuring since thats what u did literally ALL SEASON and still chose her at every turn. I agree with u on the Rafi thing, I wish Finn's declaration had been more all or nothing. He needed to break up with Kat for it to mean more.

[everything-laito]

if I don’t have tendinitis by the end of writing this series, I am officially immortal. anyways here’s the long awaited Laito and Cordelia analysis: Part I

Hi, Corn here! Holy shit I’ve been wanting to write this for forever now; idk how long this series will be but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I’m gonna wing it.

Lemme get something REAL clear before I begin. Because for some fucking reason I still see people trying to say that Cordelia did not molest/rape/etc Laito. Cuz she did. It’s called grooming and manipulation, sweetie. And I’ll explain that too. 

Also, I’m not defending or justifying Cordelia’s actions (there’s a difference between explaining why something happens and defending it. For example, we know racism is harmful and awful, but explaining what it is and why it happens isn’t defending it). I also don’t defend Laito’s nonconsensual or abusive actions either on here, I also wanna clarify that. I just merely explain his theorized rationale and psyche.

God I don’t even know where to start, or where this is exactly going to end, but my god, time to pop off. I’m going to divide this into sections as well. 

Also I think this is usually a given with all the Laito stuff I put on here, but, spoilers ahead! And trigger warnings galore! Pedophilia/rape/abuse/grooming/depression/anxiety are the ones I can think of now, but all of those are really a given on this blog. Just wanna emphasize it because I’m gonna go deep into em. 

As always,,,,, rant under the cut~!

Section 1: Before the Storm (insert Life is Strange joke here)

There’s quite a bit of back and forth about where Cordelia started doing this. I just finished Dark Fate and the conversation between the triplets caught my eye. Laito mentions in his Dark Fate Ecstacy Epilogue that implies Cordelia wasn’t abusive at first. It’s revealed how Karlheinz used Cordelia just for his Adam and Eve experiment to create a new human race, which is why he blatantly ignores her after courting her and making her have kids that she didn’t even wanna have. Which is. Yikes. I’d say that’s a form of coercive pregnancy abuse.

The conversation turns to Laito who then says that Cordelia lost her mind due to of sexual frustration and then hurt the triplets. Sexual frustration is a real and common thing, but I’m gonna explain the potential logistics of this being turned into abuse. 

Sexual frustration in general can be described as a sense of “dissatisfaction stemming from a discrepancy between a person’s desired and achieved sexual activity” (source). I know it’s from Wikipedia but the phrasing of that definition is just too perfect. (also Wikipedia’s good just to get the basics from ;) ) Sexual frustration can happen from physical, mental, emotional, social, religious, or spiritual barriers. Everyone has some kind of ideal sexual activity, whether it be innate and or learned (like getting used to sexual acts over time, whether that be from a traumatic or consensual experience). However, I can safely say that Cordelia has high libido, regardless of the reason. 

Oxytocin, my absolute favorite hormone to talk about, is huge in this case. Touch starvation (what I’d say most of us are going through now because of quarantine) also depends on oxytocin level. We’re social creatures, and we need touch in some way. Having sexual needs is also not a thing to be shameful of (if you do have them), since that is also very human and very biological. Oxytocin is needed for so many things! From social bonding, sexual bonding, reproduction in general, and general emotional wellbeing. Everyone has different levels of oxytocin needs. With a lack of oxytocin, whether it causes sexual frustration or touch starvation (or both), it can create fear, anxiety, and or depression. This has to do with my favorite part of the brain, the amygdala. It’s this lil almond shaped part (hence, amygdala, which is Latin for “almond”) is responsible for empathy, your fight and flight response, as well as SO many other things. I’ll talk more about the amygdala later, because I’m getting off track. 

Back to the logistics of oxytocin deficiency and abuse. Basically, I didn’t initially think that touch starvation or sexual frustration could get so bad that someone would resort to abuse. Haven’t found anything that supports that either. However, since it is linked to depression and stress, I do believe Cordelia would have other underlying psychological issues that made her response to depression and stress just so much worse. It’s kind of obvious that Karlheinz absurd her, and when someone goes through a traumatic episode, there’s different coping mechanisms or different emotions are triggered. Maybe even before Karlheinz she had issues, but we will never know. I just know that Cordelia seems susceptible to some kind of manic episodes, such as mood swings and intense behaviors. 

Dark Fate confirms that Karlheinz most likely used this, and used Cordelia due to her Founder blood and that her psyche was “optimal” to eventually have the triplets kill her. Karl can see the future and past etc, I believe that was confirmed in Lost Eden too. Anyways, all of this paves the way to what Cordelia did to the triplets.

Section 2: The Beginning

There’s been quite a bit of back and forth between when did Cordelia start sexually abusing Laito? We know that Kanato and Ayato were abused when they were young, but there’s no flashbacks in Laito’s routes that depicts him being a child (to my knowledge). Not saying Laito wasn’t abused when he was a child, but I can assure you that the first time Cordelia had explicit sex with Laito was when he was older. 

Special thanks to @vampiretsuki​ and @amiecris​ for helping me think this through on Zara’s server! 

There hasn’t been any flashbacks that specifically show us the first time that happened. However, I believe that there was a flashback in HDB that shows one of the first times. Here’s a scene from Laito’s Dark Epilogue:

Cordelia: ー Laito…Laito… Laito: …Hm? Is something the matter? Cordelia: I have a favor to ask. It just isn’t enough. You can do it, right Laito? Laito: You really are something…So that’s why you came to me again? Cordelia: Fufufu…That’s right, Laito. Come on, quickly… Laito: …Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll love you plenty. Cordelia: Aah…My cute Laito~ I love you. I really do. Laito: I can do it…right? Cordelia: Of course, Laito. Now, quickly…

First of all, ew. Second of all, Laito’s diction implies that this was maybe the second or third time this occurred. He asks a question, and ends it with “again.” We know by this that it is not the first time, but the question also means that Laito might not have expected to occur again. His tone also implies some surprise to it, at least in my ears. His other question, “I can do it, right?” screams hesitance to me. If this scene took place down the line, or after many times he did this with Cordelia, I don’t believe he’d be some level of surprised or hesitance. 

Now, you may be thinking, “Oh! What about Ayato and Laito’s Versus II CD?! Didn’t it mention that Laito wasn’t in the triplet’s shared bed 9/10 times?!” And yeah, if you remembered that, kudos to you! Yes, you’re totally right. I thought this was some inconsistent writing, but I don’t believe so. I believe Cordelia was grooming Laito as a kid. For some reason, grooming never came to my mind, it was Tsuki who mentioned grooming, and Cris also backed that notion up. It’s not confirmed if Cordelia planned to do this to Laito in the beginning (which I doubt, I think she sexually exploited him on a whim due to sexual frustration and because Karl wouldn’t; and the suitors she had wasn’t “enough” for her) but I think it’s implied that it happened (from the earlier excerpt). As for grooming, here’s an excerpt from the VS II CD:

Ayato: You weren’t even there 9 out of the 10 times. Laito: So you knew, Ayato-kun. Ayato: … Laito: You know, I have been thinking how I came to be the person I am today. I am still wondering why wasn’t it Ayato-kun or Kanato-kun.

God that’s so SAAAD! This is why Laito being groomed from a young age would make sense. It would also make sense as to why he was so dismissive and hesitant to help Ayato out. In Ayato’s flashbacks, Laito is there, but doesn’t interfere when Cordelia gets into the picture. Laito tends to run away from his problems, and this manifests even when he’s a kid. To further the support of the claim, it’s definitely not farfetched that Cordelia would do something to a child, especially her own child. She used Kanato for his singing voice when she was having sex..... yikes. That’s another form of sexual exploitation. So uh, let’s dive right into see what grooming does,,,,, *opens another private window* Here’s the source I’ll be using too. 

Grooming is a process that is typically used to sexually exploit children. Ewewewewewewew. It can be a quick or gradual process. It’s basically harnessing the trust in children utilizing constant contact. There’s not much explicit evidence describing this with Cordelia, but if Laito wasn’t sexually exploited when he was younger in the fashion he was “used” to when he got older, again I do think he was groomed. It would make sense as to why he either avoided conflict with Cordelia as a child. Either that was his own disposition (which to a degree I think it is), or maybe he was confused about Cordelia’s actions towards his other brothers, since he “loved” Cordelia. Young Laito typically fell silent when Cordelia entered the room, which again could be because of his disposition, fear, or he knows not to say much in front of her. 

During the grooming process, a child can result in not being able to see coercion and deception. In general, kids 7 years old and under biologically are not able to differentiate persuasion from their own decisions, which results in the laws surrounding advertisements catering to children. Fun fact. I know we’re dealing with vampires and so their brains might not work like that, but from what I’ve seen, they’re pretty human. Also, we’re still not sure about their ages or how vampire biological ages work, but bear with me on this. 

Another stage of grooming involves cutting off the child’s support system, whether it be family, friends, etc. I made a comment in an analysis that Laito doesn’t have a support system, and at the very least, his brothers. But even that is pretty weak. You know how it’s mentioned how Laito wasn’t even in bed with Ayato and Kanato most of the time? That’s probably due to Cordelia weakening Laito’s bonds with them. Furthermore, on the website I’m using to get information from, it says this:

Control and alienation is exercised in the following ways:

[more bullet points here]

- creating conflicting feelings of love and hate, protection and exploitation, guilt and innocence, entitlements and duties.

OOOOOHHHHHH BBBBBOOOOOYYYYYY!!!!! Ayato and Kanato say that they fucking hate Cordelia. But... Laito’s the only one that says he “loves” her. He also says that he hates her. So, from this, I think it might be safe to say that Cordelia groomed Laito as a child, and continued to use those tactics when he was older.

Well, I’m gonna end it here for part one. That was quite the ride, but I hope you enjoyed nonetheless! Next part, we’ll be getting into Laito when he’s older and the effects it had on him, along with some other crazy dark sides of psychology. I still won’t be answering many of my inbox questions until this huge analysis is finished, sorry! I kinda wanna focus on this first. But feel free to hit me up with any questions! I’ll still get to them :)

Any Cordelia/Laito questions will most likely be answered in this series, just a heads up. But if you have any questions pertaining to Cordelia/Laito right now or after the series, feel free to hit me up still! Any clarifying questions for this post or anything in general are always encouraged as well if you’re confused or want me to elaborate on something :)

Part two is planned to be up next week! See ya then ;) -Corn

[haravath0t]

A Christmas Heist - Epilogue

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: fluff, word count, fluffy Bucky!

Hi guys! Here it is! The official last part of A Christmas Heist! I wanted to include an Epilogue to offer a nice little ending to this mini series! I’m a bit hesitant to let go of Bucky in his elf costume, but alas, he has been in the costume for too long for his liking! I cannot thank @hailhydra920​ enough for being able to request such a lovely idea! Just gonna do a peep on the aftermath of the heist! As always, enjoy reading!

Main Masterlist

A Christmas Heist Masterlist

Previous

One downside of working alongside Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes is the fact that they recover much quicker than you do after missions. Although Steve was pretty beaten up when you all showed up in the med bay of the Avengers Compound, he recovered quick enough so that he didn’t need dire medical assistance. It was not the case for you sadly, being thrown and fought by Rumlow and his goons did not make you come out of this mission unscathed. 

“Yeah… she had a few broken ribs, she also got a deep gash on her side that we stitched up, some bruises… I think the blood loss from her cuts must be why she got unconscious on the way here... and I am sure when she wakes up, she’ll have a horrible headache. She’s gonna have to be on bed rest for a good 5 weeks or so. I am going to send the medication for these in a few,” Bruce remarks, looking up at the two super soldiers, still in their Apple Store clothes and an elf costume. “Well, she’s had worse… but I bet it’s painful. Thanks for taking care of her, Banner.” Steve responds, nodding in understanding as Bruce makes his leave. Steve looks over at Bucky, whose eyes had never left your unconscious form on the hospital bed. 

“You seriously care for her, don’t you, jerk?” 

“Huh?” Bucky asks, quickly turning his head to Steve as he hears Steve let out a chuckle. “You care for her,” Steve repeats. “Who wouldn’t, Steve?” Bucky responds, as he goes back to patching up Steve’s cuts on his own seat. “I know, but it’s cute, seeing you get all frantic about her.” He chuckles, shaking his head as he fidgets with the hard drive. “And that’s the last of em, punk. You’re all patched up.” Bucky remarks, smiling a bit at his work before his best friend stands up. “Thanks, Buck. I’m gonna go ahead and return this to Fury, gonna go ahead and start on the report for this mission. Need anything?” Steve asks, turning back to Bucky. “Y/N’s blanket and mine please. That big Disney one, her speaker thingy, and water please.” Is Bucky’s simple request. Steve only nods before he strides away from the med bay. Bucky turned to your resting form, smiling a bit as he looked for your nurse, asking her to teach him how to find songs on his phone. The nurse was more than willing to help him out, laughing when the metal-armed super soldier grins when he sees the title of his familiar songs, thanking her as she walks away.

It wasn’t long till Steve came back with what he asked for before meeting with Fury. Bucky managed to connect his phone with your bluetooth speaker in 7 minutes, a record for him. He had to tell you later. He didn’t dilly dally at all to play some Glenn Miller faintly on the bluetooth speaker, reaching out for your hand to hold it and kiss it gently. “Hey, sweetheart.” He whispers into your hand, smiling a bit before getting your blanket and laying it across your body comfortably. “You did great on your first undercover mission, you know.” He whispers, taking his seat. “Did such a great job.. When you wake up we are going to have the most relaxing holiday, you’ll see,” he whispers with a smile, waiting for your eyes to open. 

It did not take long for you to slowly open your eyes, you winced at the bright light that was shining above you, groaning softly at the sight. Bucky perked up when he heard you, smiling wide. “Great, you’re awake.” He whispers softly, making you smile as you felt his lips press themselves gently onto your forehead. “Buck,” you whisper hoarsely, trying your best to ignore the shooting pains that you feel all over your body. You let your eyes blink slowly a few times to get adjusted to the light before turning to your left to see your boyfriend, laughing quietly as you see his elf hat drooping as well as his Buddy costume getting dirtied. Your boyfriend smiles at this, shaking his head. “Oh stop laughing at me.” “It’s just so cute that’s all. It was funny to see you and Rumlow fighting too… if it weren’t for the predicament we were in, I would have laughed my head off.” You whisper softly, thinking about the time where a similar situation had occurred in the Elf movie. Bucky only shakes his head, letting out a chuckle before he calls the nurse that you’re awake. “Hold on, sweetheart, I’m gonna get our change of clothes, okay?”

“Can you stay?” 

“Huh?”

You only pout, a blush forming. “I...I was hoping if you could stay… maybe hop on the bed and then we can change when I’m fully ready to be discharged?” you offer, smiling when Bucky agrees, putting down the railing of the bed and gently adjusting the IVs so he can gently embrace you. It was warm. It was comforting. It was wonderful. You lazily kiss his cheek and nuzzle into his neck and chuckle softly. “Shameful.” You whisper. “What’s shameful?” Bucky asks. You couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. “I’ve had worse scenarios. I shouldn’t be in here, right now. Should be in our room.” You reply as you shake your head, “It’s embarrassing that I’m in med bay after an undercover mission.” 

“It’s your first one, Y/N, it wouldn’t be completely perfect. You handled it perfectly, without the help of a super soldier strength too. You should be proud.” He replies, running his hands through your hair. You couldn’t even gather enough energy to fight him. You didn’t have energy to even doubt his words. You knew that he meant it. You knew he believed in you, and that made all the difference. So, you just simply take it. 

“Mmm… how about the current status of the scene? How is the mall?” 

“I’ve been told they blocked off the area for the day, the agents and Rumlow are taken into custody, and our things from the apartment we’ll get tomorrow. Fury has the hard drive now, Steve will do the report on it. But, the specialists managed to get a hold of the hard drive’s information, and in short, we are fine.” He responds. “Thank goodness,” You huff in relief, closing your eyes much nicer knowing that the job is done. 

“And the diagnosis of my injuries?” 

“Few broken ribs, a deep gash on the side, and bruises. You’re gonna have to be on bed rest for 5 weeks.” “Dang, the whole holiday?” You ask in shock, carefully tracing where they had operated on your rib. You feel Bucky nod above you. “Yes, ma’am. But don’t worry, I think I have a few ideas on how to make those the most relaxing 5 weeks you’ve had.” He says with confidence. “You always know how to make it fun, Buck.” You smile. 

“It’s cuz it’s always fun with you, sweetheart. I’ll bring you dinner, okay? Then after, we can find the way to kill time.” 

To say the least, you were more than happy with the outlook of this, and you never wanted anything more than to spend it with the man in the elf costume.

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[charmspoint]

And here's the thing, Michiru meets Nana and she says "you're /good/" and Nana hasn't been told that, probably EVER, she's just been following orders like any groomed child soldier would and god Michiru is /right/. Because Nana is so good, /especially/ after Michiru's death, and she says she won't murder again, and she doesn't, unless /absolutely/ necessary, unless Moe is about to commit the same mistake she once did, and she needs to save her from that, because she promised Moe's grandmother she would and she's genuinely such a kind person and she's /trying/ to be better and sjfjdksjkdns Nana's character development is so good

She tries so hard to atone for her mistakes that even Jin is like "well this is an happy surprise" and she grieves for Koharu, because maybe, they could've been friends, once upon a time, and she tries to tell Kyouya the truth and she befriends Jin because she's NOT a bad person, and she's trying so, /so/ hard to be better. I love her so much.

I really love Nana's arc in this series, it’s one of the best villain redemptions I’ve seen and made all the sweeter cuz the villain is the protagonist. Nana has been through a lot. She has been through an extremely traumatic event as a young child and then, instead of being helped through it, her trauma got used against her. She harbors so much guilt and shame for something she didn’t do and couldn’t stop and the adults in her life twist those emotions for their own selfish means, leaving her scrambling after their orders for any feeling of self-worth. And we see this is just the norm for how this organization operates. We just got Moe’s backstory and found out she’s also been abused. Her grandma was the first person to love her and accept her and Moe cherishes her dearly as her only safe haven. And that safe heaven gets dangled in front of her, if you don’t do as we say this will be gone. It’s frankly terrifying how much of a habit Tsuruoka has of taking young, traumatized girls and using their trauma for his own self gain.

 I love how much of a realistic approach Talentless Nana has to becoming a better person. Because people aren’t born bad or good, they become so under the circumstances that surround them and out of their own capability and will to deal with those circumstances. Nana was a bad person because her environment made her so, because she was manipulated and lied to about the state of the world. She was just a child, she trusted the adults in her life to tell her the truth and she followed their word as given not thinking she would be lied to. She did many many bad things so I really love how her arc is about working hard to become a good person. Turning the page isn’t easy, especially since she has lost the only person she felt she had unconditional support from. Nana STRUGGLES with it, she struggles with being good because all this time she thought she WAS good. What is important to know is that Nana’s worldview got twisted down side up and things she once thought were good now turn out to be bad. This is a lot of adjustment and I’m glad she doesn’t immediately accept it. She struggles to accept her own deeds as bad because all this time she thought she was saving humanity. She’s a villain who thought herself the hero. If someone told you today that everything you did up until this point was bad and hurt so many people, would you just accept it or would you question it? You would question it, because we humans aren’t beings who easily change our minds. We stick to what we believe in and sometimes even hard proof isn’t enough to dissuade us because we are so allergic to being wrong. This is why the first thing Nana does when she’s starting to have serious doubts about her role in the world is go to Tsuruoka for answers. Because he is the stability in her world, he is what she was thought was right, he is who she trusts to tell her what is right and what is wrong. And Nana’s arc is about tearing away from his control and his lies no matter how much it hurts. And it hurts a lot because again, he is the stable ground for her, that safe heaven Moe has in her grandma, a person she’s supposed to trust without question.

 Becoming a good person is a very hard thing to do and I think Talentless Nana showcases this beautifully. Nana doesn’t find satisfaction in Tsuruoka’s explanations (or the lack of thereof), she very slowly realizes she can’t rely on him and must decide what’s right on her own, that she must start thinking for herself. And it would be so much easier not to do that, to just stop thinking and follow orders as she is given. By leaving Tsuruoka Nana loses her stability and support of what she knew. And what awaits her? Her classmates she now must confess her deeds to and there is no certainty to how they will react, will they accept her and give her the second chance or will they shun her. And Nana has already lost her biggest support on that side, the one person who would have accepted her no matter what so this is double terrifying. Like being trapped between two shark tanks. You can’t walk back because you can no longer live with the kind of person that place makes her, but it’s scary to walk forward because the other tank might tear you up on principle. And she doesn’t blame them, she knows what she did was unforgivable and is ready to accept her classes judgment no matter what it is (once she stops getting fuckin interrupted). I also like how she’s not totally alone. As you said she has Jin, who’s not really on one side or the other but gives her support and encouragement she needs. She has Moe who she sees herself in, a young traumatized girl that she sees slipping into the same darkness Nana lived in and who’s she’s trying so hard to keep clean handed. And she has Kyouya, who knows she did these bad things even though he can’t prove it, but is willing to give her a chance anyway because he can see she’s turning over a new leaf.

 To me, Talentless Nana is primarily a story about becoming a good person after you already did bad things. About how hard it is to even realize that what you are doing is wrong, about how people you trust most might be the people doing you most harm, about how doing better and leaving all you know is terrifying and might feel impossible but you must do it anyway. About how the other side might not accept you and you have to deal with that consequence. And about how you will always find people in your life who support you anyway, those that will extend their hand to you, others who you will help climb up. People who will give you that second chance, people who will encourage you to try harder, people who will be there for you as you struggle to escape.

 Becoming a good person is hard and Nana’s struggle with it is very realistic. But she does it anyway and I think it’s something very important for people to see. That you can work on yourself, you can become a better person, you can escape the toxic environment that is encouraging you to stay a bad one. It won’t be easy, but you can do it, that’s what Talentless Nana says to me.

[dpargyle]

_

I'm not doing that podcast anymore. I'm racking my brain here trying to figure out how to build an audience/make $ creatively rn. Every conventional avenue is cut off to me, as I've explained before. I don't really want to write books anymore (due to restricted creative control/sadly losing faith entirely in the medium/business of the novel as an effective art form in these horrendous times) - but trying to build an audience online has just been one failure after another. I really don't know what to do. These days, I catch myself daydreaming about dropping off the grid entirely & farming or some shit but I think realistically my disability precludes me (for multiple reasons) from such foolishness. & I think I'm always going to need to create art of some description. I just wish...like...anyone would care... & this isn't a call out post or anything - like - I get it. Shit is falling apart everywhere (more rapidly than I think many abled folk may realize) so reading/listening to my creative output is nobody's top priority (nor should it be) - especially in such oversaturated markets I don't really know what I'm trying to say here. Like. I'm unemployed - I have no prospects - & even if I had any - the government would cut funding for medical necessities b/c secretly (but not so secretly) policy is set up for people like me to die quietly in the background I'm far more privileged than most in my position, due to my family. At least for now. But if I can't find a steady source of income soon, I'm going to have to move back in with my folks which I really do not want to have to do. Like - I did everything right. I went all the way through a hellish school system. I graduated (with honors) from college. I jumped through all their hoops, I played all the stupid fucking games. & because of my condition I am almost completely cut off from society - b/c no one has given me a chance at the things I actually give a shit about. (This is a rant now oh well lol) & I know I'm a damn good writer. I'm a good artist. But finding an audience is just. I don't even know. I don't even know who I am anymore half the time. I feel thoroughly rejected from society at large. Not that I'd wanna join it right now lmao but like...it'd be nice to be asked. I'm not the only one hanging on by a fuckin thimble right now. I know that. But as a disabled person, I feel the strain before many of you. I feel it when there's not enough people to help me get up in the morning so I get left lying in bed for four hours after my usual times. Sorry, I'm rambling now. I'm also kind of exhausted trying to come up with creative endeavors and putting them up with nobody giving a shit. I put my heart & soul into these things - and I have for years. 32 years of my life, where instead of going out enjoying myself or trying to form friendships (which is already really fucking difficult when I have to get back home every day at 9pm cuz my aides are working 100 hr wks & I don't want to overtax their schedules anymore than I already do) - I chose to forego all that, laying myself on the great altar of art or whatever...all for what? Nobody caring? It's. Fuckin soul crushing. I spend like 95% of my time alone. & I don't think I'm the only one. All I really do is work on creative endeavors, research, and then finally turn off my brain watching football or w/e I don't have energy for any of this anymore. This hyper capitalist mode of....I just. I'm not even making sense & I'm all over the place & I usually outline/plan this sort of shit & probably nobody will read this anyway so I don't know why I'm bothering lmao Shot in the dark, I guess? I dunno. I know I have people who love me. & for that I'm grateful. I hope you all do too. These are dark times & I don't see them brightening in our lifetimes I'm afraid. Hold on to the ones you got I suppose. We all just have to play the cards we're dealt, even if they're all jokers, right? While I do have people who love me, I'm also sick of Utah & the US as a whole tbh, but I honestly doubt anywhere would be much

better if I'm being realistic. Even Mars will be conquered by Musk... Anyway. Just trying to express how it feels to be disabled in these times of societal collapse unheard of since the end of the Bronze Age. Perhaps it's for the best. Wish I could inhabit a different body for a while. But "if wishes were horses, we'd all be eatin' steak," to quote the bard. Like. for just one day, I'd love to experience a day that didn't feel like going to war with myself. With the world. With...like, ok, this is kind of a stupid fuckin example, but on the other hand it shows you the power of art (for w/e that's worth these days) but I was watching the most recent season (series) of Sex Education on Netflix (great frikken show btw) - and for the first time EVER - a disabled character (played by a disabled actor) has an intimate scene with another character where she's not a sex worker (no shame to sex workers but the connotation is always we can only ever have sex if we pay for it) & nobody died lmao - & it was this sacred scene where consent was central & it was playful & sweet & it literally made me cry b/c like - (& I don't cry AT ALL anymore - it's just not me) but I did - I fuckin cried, because like. You can't understand. I'm sorry. But you can't. To never see yourself reflected in such a manner. & then suddenly. You see yourself being tenderly kissed on the nose - & for a touch starved cripple - to see that - like. I know in this life I'm never gonna get that. I've accepted that. I'm too old & too much of a fuckup. But for the youth to see that? For the disabled youth of the world? Fuck. I hope it fills them with the brighter future they deserve. Maybe art can move mountains after all. Just wish I could build a door to get myself out of *here.* It's so fucking hard to see the light right now for me. I hold my head up high. I smile. I'm the strongest person I know. But I just wish I could peel off my shit & be the real me & be loved & I'm terrified none of that will ever be in store for me. But I roll on, as always. Love & strength & sorry to be...this...lmao....

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

32 37 40 for the Star Wars ask

32. Who would you cosplay as?

Tbh, I personally don’t care if the character isn’t the same gender as me. I’d most probably coslplay as Luke, although I’d love to cosplay as Leia too (I don’t think I could never pull off a Padmé look. Her costumes are too elaborate and pretty and I don’t think I’d do them justice lol)

37. Opinions on the Jedi?

Hold onto your seatbelts my fellow people because this is gonna get long lol

I don’t think the Jedi are properly discussed as they should be on this site because many fans look at the Jedi from a very black-and-white perspective and from an often biased lense. I actually love the Jedi and I love a lot about them like their culture, philosphy, temple, among other things. The Jedi are not these evil monsters that some paint them as. I don’t think whatever harm they might have brought upon was intentional on their part. They tried their best to be good people, they tried their best to be the peacekeepers they were raised to be. The Order had systematic flaws and thus, many Jedi became the victims of those flaws. The Jedi were as much of victims as everyone else and they didn’t deserve the genocide commited against them and the deliberate erasure of their culture from the Empire. I think the main issues stemmed from the Jedi Council, which although was filled with some serious issues, it still had good people. I’m talking about the Jedi from the Prequels standpoint, so that’s why I’m bringing up a lot of the points that are made in regards to the prequel era Jedi. I would have loved to see Luke SKywalker train the new generation of Jedi under his tutelage and how different his may have been from theirs, but we never got that thanks to the poisonous rat 🙄 Fortunately for us, Luke Skywalker did train a generation of Jedi in Legends about a decade after ROTJ and his was much better and had gotten rid off most of the flaws that kept the previous one from making progress in regards to philosphical ideas, code and other things. I like that the Jedi weren’t portrayed as perfect because then the rise of the Empire would have made no sense. You can’t have the rise of a militant evil sociopolitical regime without other flawed systems played a hand (regardless of whether it was intentional or not) in it. I wish we could have discourse about the Jedi without going at each others’s throats and not resorting to basic, baseless arguments that have been made a thousand times. In conclusion, I love the Jedi and they deserved better, but they also needed to improve because if I didn’t love the Jedi I wouldn’t be critical of them (and that’s only occasional). People who wanna focus solely on the positive aspects are fine by me, there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to analyze and look at your fave from a positive outlook, but once you start stripping away the flaws from them because you don’t wanna see them for who they are, then I wouldn’t call that genuine love, I would call that biased infatuation or worship. That takes the complexity, layers and humanity from them and I can’t have that. It’s a disservice to these characters that have been well-developed and thought out.

40. If you could make your own Star Wars trilogy/series, what would it be about?

The Old Republic era without a doubt. This is a era that hasn’t been explored in the current canon and it’s a shame it hasn’t been explored because there’s a lot of fascinating lore, culture and tradition from that era that needs to be expanded upon. I’d make a cinematic adaptation of either Knights of the Old Republic video game duology or the Old Republic PC game. The cinematic trailers of the SWTOR games are fantastic and have a lot of potential behind them in regards to visuals, character development and lore. Hell, I think I’d stick to making them animated because the animation of those trailers was fantastically done and looked too realistic to the point that it was creepy. My trilogy would focus on the rise of the Sith Empire with Darth Bane (one of the most important figures in Sith history) or Darth Revan and his apprentice Darth Malak as the villains, or I’d make Darth Traya or Darth Nihilus the villains as well because why not. I’m mainly focusing on the Sith cuz I’m a villain type of girl :P can’t help my fascination with villains. There was a lot of lore about the Old Republic in Legends, so I’d take a lot from there to make my trilogy or series. I’ve read rumors about Disney remaking the KOTOR games but I feel like they are gonna fuck them up and possibly even gender/racebend characters because Disney sure loves to do that quite a lot, so I have no faith that they’re gonna do the games any justice. 

[butmakeitgayblog]

Hi! I'm warning you, this message might be very long, so sorry in advance. 😂

And it won't be grammatically correct (not an English person here 😂), so I'll try to be as clear as possible.

So, a few days ago I saw that some of you were searching for Hedatu (thank you very much for that btw 😁) and I was thinking about those ff that are incomplete or deleted from Ao3 or other archives. Then my thought evolved into another consideration: ff are a form of art (yours indeed, no doubt, I love them with every part of my fan-heart).

(Your job involve art as well if I remember correctly so you know this world better than me 😂) I was thinking about other ff that I can't read anymore and I thought:"maybe, just like Hedatu, these ff are in someone' computers, someone saved them and somewhere there is a way to find them."

But then another thought poped up in my mind. I don't know if you know about EffortlesslyOpulent situation. It was a pretty big thing back at the end of last year. I loved their ff, I read them multiple times and they gave me comfort in tough situations. I was very far from home when I started reading them and they gave me pure joy.

So when the "big reveal" happened I was really sad, sad for Sam, for everything they went through and I was sad because a part of myself, the one that enjoyed those ff where really disappointed in liking something from a person like that (not Sam of course).

During these last few months I thought about searching those ff, but I always renounce 'cause I don't want to give attention to a person that doesn't deserve it. I admit though that I miss them, I miss the feeling I felt when I was reading them and the joy they gave me.

So (and here is the core of this plethora of words) what do you think about art and artist? Do you think that there is a way to divide the art from the artist or it's impossible? I have an idea but because I discussed this matter with other people that have different opinions, I would like to know your point of you.

Thank you very much for your time. 😊

This is a tough question and I'm going to try and give a thoughtful answer here.

(Under the cut cuz it's kinda long)

I'm going to preface this by saying, my opinion is as biased as anyone else's. There's a lot of artists I learned about that truth be told were fucking awful people, so I've learned personal ways to maneuver through that. There is no right or wrong answer to this IMO, so take it all with a grain of salt.

I'm not going to go into the subject of EO but I still stand by everything I said both publicly and privately to Sam back when they came forward about their experience and what they went through, and I wish them all the best. I believe victims and EO tap danced her ass right off into the ether without a word so 🤷‍♀️ here we are.

That aside, it's ok to feel torn. We form attachments to pieces of media because these things are meant to evoke emotional responses. I get a little annoyed with people who shame others for liking work done by people who suck, personally, but in the same breath I do know where they're coming from. Because they don't want to uplift or support a person who is a literal POS, and when it comes to things like racists, homophobes, abusers, etc it makes it all the more visceral in not wanting to support them and denounce their successes.

For me, I'd say go on a case by case basis and what feels right to you. It's ok to still love a piece of media despite coming to learn new things you didn't previously know. Perfect example, Harry Potter. I think JKR can choke on a fist, but I still grew up with those books. People can point out the very problematic issues in the series that I recognize now as an adult, but still appreciate them for what they were to me then and the feeling of nostalgia of a younger me they bring. Those two things are not mutually exclusive no matter how much internet culture tries to make these things cut and dry.

If that were the case, very few classically loved artists, art pieces, authors, or literary pieces would/should be popular anymore. Very few movies would ever be allowed to be enjoyed more than a year later and tv shows should never be rerun again. You can address and callout bullshit and shitty behavior/people where it's due without punishing other people or yourself for still enjoying a certain thing that's linked to them.

Once a piece of media is put out in the world, the artist/writer does, to a certain extent, relinquish their ownership of it. People create attachments and feelings toward them, they create opinions and thoughts and a plethora of other things that the creator has no control over anymore. That story or art now lives in the world at large and is consumed and becomes a part of other people's lives. So those feelings you have about that story have little to do with the author at this point, and more to do with you as a person and your own life experiences from the past. Does that make sense?

Tl;dr I think you can remove the artist from the art in certain places, but whether or not you're actively supporting a person you know is shitty in the moment, that's a personal choice. And I don't think past media that hold nostalgic aspects necessarily count

[stusbunker]

Lie to Me in Melody Challenge

Stu’s Masterlist’s 2nd Birthday Writing Extravaganza

When: May 22 - July 30th 2020

Where: Tumblr (or a Tumblr post with a link to AO3)

What: A Supernatural Song Lyric Writing Prompt Challenge with a Twist!

Last year I asked you all to Break My Heart, well this year, I am asking you to lie to me. But make it convincing. I need you to weave something so well that I won’t know where the lie is coming from until it is too late. It could be a big lie, it could be a little lie, good or bad, but there must be a lie!

How: Please send me an ASK if you would like to participate.

Include the prompt you’d like and a back up. There will be a two blog limit per prompt this year.

Write your masterpiece! Use the lyric as best you see fit (theme, dialogue, description, etc), but please list it in your A/N so I know what to look for.

Post your fic and tag me!

Include ‘#I lied to Stu’ in the first five tags so I can organize things later.

I will reblog your fic once I’ve had the chance to read it. Likes come from my mainblog @stunudo. 

Interested? Okay, well, there’s still the nitty gritty to worry about!

RULES:

NO WINCEST, incest, or underaged shenanigans. Bobby and Jack are both related to the Winchesters, don’t @ me.

No real people, please and thank you.

Any pairing is acceptable (beyond the above).

Tag your fics! I don’t care what your kinks are, but tag them! (I am not going to shame you. I just may gloss over certain parts.)

Minimum 300 words. No Max.

OCs/ series/ AUs are all welcome!

Deadline: July 30 (My actual birthday)

I would love a follow if you’re joining, but I doubt I am everyone’s cup of tea.

Keep Reading link on anything longer than 500 words. Seriously, don’t be a savage.

Song Lyric Prompts:

Jewel

1. And you try to find yourself In the abstractions of religion And the cruelty of everyone else And you wake up to realize Your standard of living somehow got stuck on survive

2. There is this hunger This restlessness inside of me And it knows that you're no stranger You're my gravity @thewhiterabbit42​

3. Some are walking, some are talking, some are stalking their kill You got social security, but that doesn't pay your bills 

4. I feel your tongue Telling me I'm dirty And licking my bones A surge against silence A knife across a plate Makes the sound Of need on hate @thoughtslikeaminefield​

Train

5. You're hopeless 'cause you tell the truth The stars are jealous of your shine @67midnightwriter​

6. There's nothing in between us knowing where we're going is inside. Every letter that I wrote, every dress you never wore under your coat

7. Together can never be close enough for me To feel like I am close enough to you You wear white and I'll wear out the words "I love you"

8. These bruises make for better conversation Loses the vibe that separates It's good to let you in again

Billy Joel

9. I believe I've passed the age of consciousness and righteous rage I found that just surviving was a noble fight I once believed in causes too I had my pointless point of view And life went on no matter who was wrong or right @a-winchester-fairytale​

10. They showed you a statue and told you to pray They built you a temple and locked you away But they never told you the price that you pay @awesomesusiebstuff​

11. You had to be a big shot, didn't you All your friends were so knocked out You had to have the last word, last night @idabbleincrazy​

12. For the promises our teachers gave If we worked hard If we behaved So the graduations hang on the wall But they never really helped us at all

13. I know I'm searching for something Something so undefined That it can only be seen By the eyes of the blind In the middle of the night @deanwanddamons​

Carole King

14. Sometimes I think I'm a prisoner of fate Doomed to find out things a little too late And so I must play this broken man's role

15. I feel the earth move under my feet I feel the sky tumbling down I just lose control Down to my very soul @fangirlxwritesx67​

16. Tonight you're mine completely You give your love so sweetly Tonight the light of love is in your eyes But will you love me tomorrow @phantomwarrior12​

17. As I watched in sorrow, there suddenly appeared A figure gray and ghostly beneath a flowing beard In times of deepest darkness, I've seen him dressed in black

Now my tapestry's unraveling - he's come to take me back @dontshootmespence​

Modest Mouse

18. Talking shit about a pretty sunset Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon I've changed my mind so much I cant even trust it My mind changed me so much I cant even trust myself

19. Working real hard to make internet cash Work your fingers to the bone sitting on your ass I know now what I knew then But I didn't know then what I know now

20. When you’re living your life, well, that's the price you pay Whenever I breath out, you're breathing it in Whenever I speak out, you're speaking out

21. Blame it on the weekends. God I need a cola now. Oh we mumble loudly, wear our shame so proudly. Wore our blank expressions, trying to look interesting. Blame it all on me cuz God I need a cold one now.

22. Well you were spitting venom at most everyone you know If you truly knew the gravity you'd know just where to go Well let it drop @there-must-be-a-lock​

^*^*^*^

Tagging: @dontshootmespence​

Slackers: @mskathywriteswords​ @fangirlxwritesx67 @itmighthavebeenintentional​ @there-must-be-a-lock

Shout out to MJ @thoughtslikeaminefield​ for the banner!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #410

“oh baby, baby, does she take a piece of lime for the drink that i’ma buy her, do you know just what she likes?

Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree? Ye. Have you ever written/drawn/painted random stuff on your bedroom wall? No. What do you currently hear? A slowed w/ reverb version of "If U Seek Amy" by Britney Spears. Yes, I have a serious thing for these edits of childhood songs, ha ha. Actually, no shame, I still love Britney lmao. What's your favorite flavor of Doritos? Cool Ranch. Do you like bagels? Yep. Do you ever worry about what the world will be like when you have kids? I ain't having any of those, so I don't have to worry about that. Have you ever seen a hippo in person? At a zoo, yes. Are you any good at HTML? Noooo. When was the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Recently, because I'm awful about downloading things illegally. What was the last thing you downloaded on your computer? A picture. Do you ever cry just to get your way? Hi, I'm 25. I at least have SOME adult traits. Have you ever been to any professional sports games? Yes. What's the most boring sport to watch? The only sport I enjoy watching is dance, so. I think golf has to take the cake for the absolute worst, though. Do you like lip rings on the opposite sex? UGH I just love lip rings on anybody. Do you have good or bad vision? Literally awful. Have you ever parked in a handicapped spot when you weren't supposed to? Hell no. That is so fucking inconsiderate and lazy. Have you ever been to a different country? No. When was the last time you finger-painted? Nooo idea. Probably not since I was a little kid. Do you say car-mel or car-A-mel? "Care-uh-mel." When you get out of the shower, do you use one or two towels? One. Are you uncomfortable with changing clothes in front of others? Absolutely yes. Hell, I don't think I ever really changed in front of Jason back in the day, so that says something about how self-conscious I was with a FIT body. Never mind this catastrophe I own now. Which is worse: Runny nose or stuffy nose? Both suck, but stuffy drives me absolutely INSANE. Who's been the most influential person in your life? My mom. Do you have any tan lines? Ha, yeah, no. How many different schools have you gone to? Six. Do you know how to slow dance? I mean, yes? It's not complicated. Have you ever taken The Impossible Quiz? (If not, you should Google it. :D) No, and I'll never waste my time doing that shit. I've watched people play and beat it, but it seems like such frustrating, pointless madness with zero rhyme or reason behind it. Has someone that you liked told you that you are a waste of their time? No. Who is the last person you were in a car with? Mom. In the next 6 months, what are you looking forward to most? Ummmm Christmas, maybe? That's always exciting. Is there anyone who hates you? Probably. Who were you with the last time you went out for food? Mom. If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care? Eh... I guess if it was for medicinal purposes, I would be okay with it. I'm not keen on dating a smoker of anything. Do you want to start over with anyone? Just Jason, at least sometimes. It'd be really, really nice if we could be friends again and just forget about who we were all those years ago, but I genuinely doubt my ability to be "just friends" with him. Even though I haven't spoken to this dude in over FOUR YEARS, and I'm sure he's changed a lot, just like I have. We might not even be compatible anymore. As much as I may want it, I think it's probably for the better we remain unassociated. Do you eat the crust of your sandwiches? It's what I eat first. Are you completely over your last relationship? Not "completely," no. I still love her, but I'm in a headspace of accepting that now is not the right time with unfit conditions. What hoodie did you wear last? My Pikachu one, which is the one I pretty much always wear. Do you listen to Incubus? Probably surprisingly, no. I don't know if I've even heard a song. Do you wear flip-flops during the winter? More like always. Do you like the smell of Axe? If you don't use an obnoxious amount, yeah. What do you think of feminists? Absolutely necessary as pilots for change. HOWEVER, I do believe some can take the concept waaaay too far. Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? Dad, probably. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Oh my god, GUYS. It was my niece's birthday last month, and she did the CUTEST shit. She used to be very, very opposed to getting even slightly dirty (I mean like a speck of dirt on her would make her cry), and this kid decided to just C H O M P into her cupcake and get the frosting ALL over her face. She had two and got so messy, and that angel was just laughing hysterically about it. That girl is such a damn gift. Safe to say she was bouncing off the walls that night. Did you hug one of your parents today? No. Do you tan in the nude? I don't tan, period. Have you ever put a lot of thought and effort into a gift for somebody, only for them to act like it didn’t really matter to them? Oh god, no. That would really, really hurt, because I genuinely do try to be very thoughtful with my gifts. Do you follow the ‘five second rule’ when you drop food on the ground? NOOOOOOO. It's just a bullshit myth. I am NOT eating food that's been on the floor for a millisecond. If you had to describe yourself using a colour, which colour would you be? Maybe like... navy blue? Kinda dark and somber, but also has a calmness to it. Have you ever had to use another person’s toothbrush before? What were the circumstances? I WOULD FUCKING NEVER. Omg that is so gross. Have you ever crashed a car? No. Do you have a garden? Does it have flowers, vegetables, or both? No. Where do you want to raise your kids? I don't want kids, but if I did, absolutely surrounded by nature and animals. Have you ever been to Cracker Barrel? Yeah, I love it there. Damn, now I want some, lol. Have you ever seen a ghost? I sure as fuck saw something. As soon as you find out you are pregnant, who will you first tell? Who says I'm ever going to BE pregnant? 'Cuz it sure isn't in my plans. But hypothetically, the dad. Have you ever won a game of Minesweeper? Like ever? I've never played it. Who is your best guy friend(s)? Girt. I really should chat with him soon, it's been too long. If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it? I'd keep it. Make me look more badass. ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ What is your hair naturally like? Brown and kinda-sorta wavy. Have you ever stared at a stranger and they said something to you about it? No; I don't stare at people. Is your father very protective of you? I wouldn't say "very protective," no. What would you do if your hero died? ffffffUCK THIS QUESTION HOW ABOUT NO HE'S NOT ALLOWED THAT'S VERY ILLEGAL Where was your first date at with your current lover? I don't have one currently. Are you friendly in the morning, or are you barely awake? Depends on how much sleep I got, but I'm generally in my best mood in the morning. Did your parents force you to go to church? Mom did. What made you pick up the last book you started reading? It was the next book in the series I'm reading, Wings of Fire. When was the last time you went somewhere for the first time? Hm. I dunno. Hypothetically and generally speaking, how would you go about breaking up with someone? Is there anything you would make sure to say, or perhaps not say? I mean it would really depend on WHY I was breaking up with them, but I guess in most situations I'd try to meet them face-to-face and explain why I wanted to cut things off. I think it'd be important for them to hear my tone of voice, and I think physically meeting somewhere would show that I care enough for them to cut time out of my day to see them and try to hurt them as least as possible, given the situation. What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend? DO NOT in even a minor way ridicule mental illness or belittle victims as "weak" or pull the "it's just in their head" bullshit. The misuse of the term "retard(ed)" also genuinely offends me. I wouldn't say I'm easy to offend, either. What was the last chore you completed? Changing my cat's litter. When was the last time someone saw you naked? It's been a loooong time, and it would've only been my mom when I was like, going into a shower or something. If you could bring someone back from the dead and spend an hour with them, who would it be and what would you do/say? Probably Steve Irwin. I'd go on and on about how his family has carried his legacy so brilliantly, and show him aaaaaall the public pictures of Bindi and Grace, especially. God, that man would be so proud of them all. What is the greatest lost you’ve endured? My first "real" boyfriend. How would you describe your current mood? A mix of tired and anxious. I don't feel like going to bed yet, and the storm we've got passing through has me nervous about tornadoes 'n shit. Do you ever drink or get high alone? I've had some light drinks alone. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? I've never done any illicit drugs, and I don't want to. What is the most personal thing you’re willing to reveal? Probably that I've had a pilonidal cyst. It's awkward to explain, but I'll share it anyway if there's a good reason to/I'm asked or something. What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? Her just being the most toxic, drama-filled person with the biggest victim complex of any human I've ever met. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? Mom, and my voice was raised. Where do you like to be kissed? This depends on how serious we are. Can go from just the cheek to a lot of places. Which season is your least favorite and why? Summer, because it's too goddamn hot and humid. Who, if anyone, do you compare yourself to most? Probably my little sister. She's on such a successful path, and then there's like... me lmao. Do you have a night-light in your bedroom? If so, what does it look like? No. What is your favorite breakfast food? How often do you get to eat it? Cinnamon rollssssss. I have 'em very rarely, though. I'll eat too many of them, which I definitely don't need. What is your favorite thing about autumn? What about your least favorite thing? AHHHHHH EVERYTHING. I love Halloween and the decorations that come with it, the changing leaves, the crisp air... just all of it. :') Who was the last person you asked for help? Mom, I'm sure.

[trashyeggroll]

Please explain appeal of Danolsen to me cuz I honestly don't get it! My blocks for shipping it currently - it feels like a make up for Kara/Jimmy being broken up so fast not an organic pairing. There's no filler to their relationship it's all just cute looks this season. Kelly in S5 feels like she could be replaced with extra of the week & nothing would change sadly. So why should I ship Danolsen 2.0 when I could just rewatch Sanvers stuff or another show?

Ok ok ok wait, parameters here. What are the terms of the discussion?

filler vs cute looks: usually I would use the word filler to describe vapid or irrelevant content (“empty calories”); in the context of your message, I think you mean substantive storylines vs the cutesy moments?

Danolsen vs Dansen: just so I don’t confuse myself, if I say Danolsen it’s Kara/James and Dansen is Alex/Kelly

Some overhead disclaimers from me:

1. While Dansen and ThunderGrace are often used as examples of white wlw rejecting wlwoc, we’re talking about an entire media landscape and the experience of being in wlw fandom spaces online, whether this hellsite or AO3 or whatever.

There are a lot more ships of varying degrees of development/duration involving women of color out there, across networks. All American has Coop/Patience. I hear Annalise Keating’s storyline is all unfolding around her wlw identity in How to Get Away with Murder. Proven Innocent made me cry with the romance between Madeline and Wren. Charmed has had like four or five romantic interests for Mel Vera. Freya and Keelin got fckn married in The Originals, and they’re still married in the sequel spinoff.

And if you spend enough time looking for wlw content around this site, you’ll see that white wlw are watching whole series and movies even the single gifset of wlw content… but it’s never these couples. “This fandom” and “that fandom”, whatever—but it’s almost never interracial couples or wlwoc. Why? Why do people spend the time writing whole apologisms for Gentleman Jack and the predatory behavior of Anne Lister, but they “just don’t see it” for healthy relationships? Why is it more appealing to watch fascist propaganda ruining the lore of witches, cheering on the love of someone who isn’t even aware that the person she loves is part of a massive campaign to force people to die by suicide en masse?

And we see when media rises and passes from blog to blog, too. Word of mouth is absolutely a thing, even here on the ol’ tumblr, so we see how a single kiss from a series circulates like wildfire and a whole gifset of ThunderGrace gets no notes—over and over and over and ov

2. Whenever this topic pops off in the Discourse, almost without fail, and a white wlw reacts to the above questions, it’s about “chemistry” or an adjacent concept. Again, this isn’t about one single ship—it’s about black women and nonblack poc being told their ships just have “no spark” over and over and over and ov

3. While there is logic to comparing ships in terms of quality, duration, and volume of content in order to assess who reasonably or “rightfully” gets more attention or dedication, that’s all just subjective and honestly sounds like bull to me. See #1.

4. Unless you’re a Trump voter, you’re most likely reading these posts and going, but I’m not racist, and I’m only one person. It’s easy to say. But we are all a product of a racist, xenophobic system, and at the end of the day, you can do what you want, watch what you want, but if you get defensive about these indirect callouts… It’s up to you to put words to why that is.

Ok, parameters set, now I’ll get to SG—

Making up for Danolsen: Honestly I highly doubt that that’s what the writers were trying to do—it’s an entirely different couple? Unless the implication is that they’re trying to treat an interracial couple better, which… is a good thing? I’m of the mind that SG added Azie because the cast would be almost entirely white once Mehcad left. Remember, Kelly Olsen was not introduced as a love interest for Alex, but the actresses thought their chemistry was too good, and they asked for it, which I thought… is exactly what we want from shows. I think the fact that she’s James’ sister is arbitrary, just a means to plug her into the story, and they’ve been winging it since then.

Dansen content in season five: I guess there are multiple elements to this, but for the “no filler” bit—the question is what kind of filler you want. They had lots of romantic moments early in the season, and then continued to be happy and in love. So is the content you want relationship drama or storylines that cut closer to the core of each episode? Because when I go back and look at Sanvers, there was a lot of pain and struggle in that relationship, which is sometimes how they go until people get their bearings, but ya’ll… It doesn’t have to be that way. There was Kelly’s PTSD moment and subsequent breakup with Alex, but they resolved that in one episode and… that’s a good thing, too. They talk about things, openly and truthfully, without shame or strife, and that’s what a good relationship should look like, whether it’s wlw or any other variation.

Like I get that the meat and potatoes of TV romance has always been friction. No story without conflict, right? But I worry that the insistence that Sanvers had so much more chemistry is largely based on the sharp rises and falls, which yeah produce lots of emotions and stirring words and speeches with clauses that you can print on a shirt, but that type of relationship will always burn out, or burn you out, if you don’t figure out how to prevent it from getting to that point.

So what I’m saying is, see #2. Nobody has to do anything or support anyone, but there’s no absolute truth to interpretation of a relationship. I’m sure I am preferential to Dansen over non-canon ships like SuperCorp because I’m old and married and I move through the world as a team with my badass wife, and that’s what I see for them. Kelly brought Alex her lunch and Alex practically squealed with delight even though they definitely woke up in the same bed a little while earlier.

And what’s confusing to me too is, you don’t have to stop shipping Sanvers? That relationship existed, the content is there, the storyline was ended with a padlock? (Folks: Please do not ever stay with someone hoping they will change their mind about having kids) But you can also look at how happy your fave is with her new girl and see it for them? Maybe kudos some fics, reblog a couple gifsets, not tweet about them lacking chemistry?

At the end of the day, a tension here is that the big picture makes fandom spaces feel hostile and dismissive towards fans of color, especially black women. How is someone supposed to feel when they finally have a complex, long lasting wlwoc relationship in front of them, and it’s constantly degraded for “chemistry” reasons while all the white ships, even ones with zero canon content, float to the top and get all the art and content that we are all here to enjoy? The whole issue is that fandom and culture are, and have always been, lenses into society and people’s worlds. It’s a question of empathy and openness and accountability, and it’s not just about one ship versus another.